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sidthedollface2 · 11 months

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Third Love

Ch: 2 La Maceta

Pairing: Eddie x Mexican Female Reader

Word Count: 2.7k

Summary: Eddie tries to win over your affection and use you in hopes of getting signed to your dads record company. There's just one problem. Your situationship and a heartbreaking past that threatens to expose the darker side of you.

CW: MDNI 18+ Nightmares, mental illness, Modern au Eddie, fuckboy Eddie. Reader with another man (not cheating).

Chapter 1

You had another restless night, sleep didn't come for you till around 5 am, an hour before sunrise wasn't too bad. Usually you'd stay at Sebastians house or your Dads lavish property, but that home was too large. Glass windows from floor to ceiling. Tall trees and bushes hide the expanse of the lot, it made you uncomfortable since it resembled your old home so much. After a particularly rough panic attack, and the incident with the pool man you and your dad agreed that maybe living with a roommate would lessen the episodes. Luckily, you had found an apartment with a pretty cool roommate, she was similar to you in loving horror movies and video games, and often her boyfriend would spend the night. Last night wasn't one of them, instead you made a comfy spot on the couch and spent most of the time watching 90 Day Fiance and arguing with the TV.

The familiar ding of your phone has you rubbing the sleep from your eyes, arm stretched out blindly searching the top of the coffee table. Unlocking the screen with your thumb print, a new text message comes into view.

Unknown: In the car, I just can't wait, To pick you up on our very first date.

Brows pinched in confusion, and a small smile gracing your face. You think It must be a wrong number. You stare at the message sinking back into the soft cushions of the couch. It's gotta be a joke you think, so you play along, having seen these types of messages before and being immersed in music your whole life you're familiar with the lyrics.

You: Is it cool if I hold your hand?

Shortly after pressing send another ding comes through.

Unknown: Is it wrong if I think it's lame to dance? Do you like my stupid hair?

A chuckle leaves your lips and you feel bad for stringing this person along but you continue anyway, enjoying the flirty nature of the messages.

You: would you guess that I didn't know what to wear?

You feel terrible engaging in this cute sharade. Being a hopeless romantic the idea of someone purposely sending you these messages has you kicking your feet. But you know these messages aren't for you, as you place the phone down again another ding comes through.

Unknown: I'm just scared of what you think.

You smile to yourself at the absurdity but one last message won't hurt.

You: you make me nervous so I really can't eat.

Deciding to end the conversation you text back apologizing for wasting their time and let them know they have the wrong number. You see they've read your message and so you set your phone down and walk to your bedroom gathering some clothes from the closet, when you hear another ding.

You quickly turn back to the living room. throw yourself onto the couch, lunging for your phone in anticipation at what was sent and shock is written all over your face as you read the message.

Unknown: "Let's go. Don't wait. This night's almost over."

You Scroll back up and make sure that your previous message was sent and read. It was. You immediately panic, it wasn't like you to make plans and forget, especially a date. You did a lot of networking last night but you made sure every contact had a name and their social media attached so you really had no clue who would be asking you out. Unable to form any more thoughts on the matter you turn off your phone and head for the shower.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Fuck! She left me on read." Eddie complained to Gareth as they both sat sprawled out on the couch in the garage,finishing up band practice for an upcoming show.

"How do you date a latina anyway?" Grant inquired, wiping the sweat from his brow and placing his bass down. Eddie turned to his bandmate, eyebrows quirked in a questioning way. "Um. Like any other girl. Man, what is wrong with you?" Eddie huffed, looking at his phone again hoping you'd message him back soon, and that he didn't just blow it with you. "It doesn't matter anyway, Ed just wants to fuck his way to the top. No dating required, isn't that what you said Ed? Gareth stared at his friend, challenging the words he had spoken earlier, before he actually met you or saw you, or felt the way your hand barely touched his sent bolts of electricity through his entire body. Eddie's eyes narrowed at Gareth. "Yea. That's right."

The way Gareth laid it out sounded bad and Eddie knew it, he wanted to do things the right way but he'd already tried that, and he had Becky to thank for ruining morally 'good' Eddie. This Eddie was different, he was more determined than ever in reaching his dreams irregardless of who was in his way or who he'd hurt in the process.

"It's a terrible idea." Standing with his arms crossed Jeff glared at Eddie, ashamed that their frontman even considered such a thing. With his head hanging between his shoulders Eddies eyes met Jeffs and he sighed, running his palm down his face, he shook his head.

"Look, I'm doing it for the band, ok. She could really help us out and get us actual good hook ups. What the fuck have you done Jeff? I'm the one who's been pulling all the weight!"

"You're the reason we're in this mess, you fucked Becky, our manager by the way, and now you wanna fuck this one! Next you're gonna fuck us over!" Jeff scolded, standing toe to toe with Eddie challenging his decisions. Gareth and Grant stand between the two boys, pushing them both away from each other and letting them cool down. Just as Eddie's about to speak again his phone rings. Signaling the boys to be quiet with his pointer finger to his lips he takes a look at the caller id and waves his hand at them in dismissal.

"Hey Red, still gonna make the show?" Eddie had asked Max if she was going to see Corroded Coffin perform, but she had gone on a little getaway with Lucas and wasn't sure when she'd be back.

"Yea, of course You can invite her. The more the merrier." Eddie agreed, pacing the garage as he spoke to Max. "Is she cute?" He asked with a shy smile on his face. "Fine, fine." He continued.

Getting off the phone with Max he checked his messages again and to his surprise you had sent a reply back.

Peach: I have a boyfriend.

"Son of a bitch." Eddie threw his phone on the couch crossing his arms as he glared at the floor. Frustrated that his plan was crumbling beneath him along with his dreams.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hot water sprays over your body as you think of the outcomes if you were to go on this blind date. They never responded when you asked who they were which raised all the red flags and your mind went into a worse case scenario. What if it was Him, the masked man that haunted your dreams still. The therapy has been working, weekly and always on call if you ever needed it, medication changes were few but sometimes adjusting or adding to the list was necessary. So you lied and said you have a boyfriend, hopeful that they would get the hint that you were not interested.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In his bedroom, Eddie sat at his desk, phone in hand open with tabs of all his social media accounts and a calendar of future shows to be played.

"Omg you googled her?!" Gareth chuckled, as he hoovered behind Eddie, who was currently scrolling through your instagram page.

"Nah man, I looked up Glass House and she follows them." Eddie scrolled through all your posts, admiring all the traveling you'd done and how many musician friends you had. There were some that he admired and others that he didn't know. The fancy places you've eaten at were lavish. He was skeptical of some of the dishes but hoped to at least try them one day. To his disappointment, There weren't many pictures of you. He scrolled to the end of your page and didn't see any of your so-called boyfriend, maybe you were a private person and your instagram was only work related.

His finger hovered over Sebastian's page, debating if this was going too far, would he even like what he saw. He wasn't with you so it didn't matter, but why was he so nervous? Cracking his neck side to side, his thumb gently pressed on Sebastian's profile and a flood of images filled the screen.

There you were, your beautiful smile shining bright through his phone, and Eddie's belly flipped as if he were seeing it in the flesh. Through all the music related posts, band practice, live shows and members of the band, were small bits and pieces of you scattered about. Most were candid photos, at the studio listening to whatever played through your headphones, a shy smile peeking through a glass of wine held at your lips, god did Eddie wish he was a wine glass. Zooming into one particular photo he sees your bare back wearing nothing but a black bra and panties that leave nothing to the imagination, you're laying on your stomach on top of a white bed with messy white sheets. He traces over the feminine curve of your back, down to the slope of your waist and above the plush of your ass. His eyes land on your profile and his heart beats wildly at your sleeping form, hair sprawled out like a halo, you're facing away from the camera and Eddie wonders if you're aware of this intimate photo being taken. It suddenly occurs to him that you're in bed barely clothed and his stomach twists at the realization, Sebastian has you and he doesn't.

"He's not her boyfriend." Gareth voiced, startling Eddie who seemed to forget his bandmate was hunched over him. He pulls his phone close to his chest away from Gareth's wandering eyes. "Well, there's pictures of her in bed and them kissing. Last night at the party I saw him with her."

Eddie stood up and laid on his bed as Gareth took a seat at the desk. "Must be complicated," he shrugged. "She just told me she has a boyfriend. Must've been recent then."Gareth snatched Eddie's phone out of his hand.

"Hey!" He snapped. Scrolling through the messages Eddie sent you, Gareth shook his head "Blink 182? Really? God your lame." He laughed, "And you're an idiot. You didn't say who you were." Throwing the phone back, Eddie looks over the texts again and groans. Gareth was right he missed the message where you asked "who's this." While he thought of another response Eddie went back to your instagram for clues as to what type of person you were.

Bringing his face closer to the screen, eyes squinting. 'It couldn't be' he thought. A girl was standing in frame, she wore faded blue jeans with a pale orange top and a blue blouse folded to her elbows. In her hands was a white planter with wild green leaves that brought life to red beautiful flowers, unmistakable red hair flowed down her shoulders and bright blue eyes peeked behind blossoms of red. Eddie looked to the bottom of the photo reading the caption 'look what my roommate grew!.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two knocks, a pause and two more knocks were heard on your apartment door. You heard the key enter, the door knob twist and your roommate stepped inside. "I'm back!" She announced, as she pulled in her luggage from the hallway. Squealing you raced towards her and greeted her with a huge hug that had you both stumbling.

"Max! I missed you. How was the trip? How's Lucas doing?" You questioned.

Exhausted from traveling Max threw herself on the couch and told you how they traveled down to San Diego to see the Battle ships. "We went to this fancy restaurant where they have dry aged steak–"

You cut her off, leg bouncing in anticipation, and not wanting to wait any longer. "Did he finally ask you to marry him?" Max deflated. With a tight lipped smile she shook her head. "No. He didn't ask. But I still had so much fun and I'm sure it'll be soon."

Max had told you all about her on and off again relationship with Lucas, and ever since her accident, as she calls it, they've been together ever since. She told you all about their first dance, the first kiss they shared, the first time they said I love you. It was all so romantic and out of a fairytale. A fairytale that you longed for. She just smiled as you told her all the romantic things you wanted to do and how lucky she was that she had found that special someone. She didn't tell you about all the bad things. She couldn't. Your face lit up at the mention of the snowball dance, and their weekly movie marathons. You were both brought to tears as she recounted the way Lucas was by her side after her accident.

She wanted you to have this idea that love was easy and it would find you when you least expected it. So she couldn't tell you about Vecna or Will. Most importantly she didn't want to tell you how her brother Billy died. How she saw him die. But you needed her to tell you that you weren't alone, that this deep trench in your heart would never mend but if you had found someone that brought you peace on those nights where the screams were too loud and the night too dark. A soul strong enough to carry the weight of your trauma, yet compassionate enough to walk you through the pain. Then maybe they could slowly fill that hollow trench bucket by bucket. Not of dirt or water simply understanding. Understanding that you'll never be who you once were, full of happiness and light. Rays of sunshine peeking through someone's gloomy day. Now, you were the gloom, the dark low hanging clouds full of tears threatening to pour down on undeserving innocents. Who knew whether those drops would be light and just tickle the skin. Would they be heavy and constant for days on end, causing those to witness shield their eyes and run towards a dry, safer climate. At any moment any sudden reminder of that night could trigger a siren of caution echoing through their ears that a violent storm was just on the horizon. Upon Hearing that screeching siren loud above their heads all would run, gathering their belongings and loved ones to escape the danger that was to come. All except one.

You didn't tell Max about what had happened. It's not something to bring up in casual conversation or any conversation for that matter. 'Hey, I saw my mom get shot to death and I held my hands over her bleeding wounds until her blood saturated both our clothes…. No biggie. How was your day?'

There would never be a right time. A right scenario and even if there was you didn't want to relive that night, no one does. So you kept that part of you hidden, shoveled so deep within that trench with a lock and key. Any threats of those tears or incoming clouds were met with scripted phrases.

"I'm just so tired."

"Allergies."

"It's fine."

"Eyelash in my eye"

And the worst of all

"I'm ok."

The day settles to night as you shift under the sheets with your laptop open, preparing your schedules and artists you were going to see for the week when you hear the unmistakable ding of your phone. You find it stuffed between the pillow you're laying on and your shoulder. Upon reading the message your eyes widened at the boldness and your lips curved up into a beaming smile.

Unknown: "Of course someone as pretty as you would have a boyfriend, that's cool I'm not looking to be your boyfriend though. I just thought you might need a husband.

Unknown: "It's Eddie by the way."

You shake your head chuckling at his audaciousness. But he got you smiling at your phone, cheeks heating up and flutters in your tummy.

You: "Oh, that was good. I guess we should go on a date then if you're planning to be my husband."

Eddie: "I thought you'd never ask." 😉

Taglist

@amira0303 @hideoutside @edsforehead @skank-sinatra13 @kissmejoey @ms1oftheboys

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fic #eddie fanfic #eddie x angst #eddie fic

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bettsfic · 5 months

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bg3 build: beast priest (shadowheart respec)

i'm playing around with some new builds! after scrounging the internet for good build guides, i didn't find any that i thought were interesting. in my current playthrough, i'm trying to respec all the companions to be the classes they would have chosen without their various traumas.

the beast priest is my respec for shadowheart. if you haven't noticed, shadowheart's basic build isn't great. when you find her, she's already level 1, which means the game chooses her subclass for you: trickery domain. and that doesn't make sense at all, narratively or for the stats she's been assigned. so to make her a good trickery domain cleric, you would want to respec her anyway just to fix level 1.

but i don't want her to be a trickery domain cleric. i don't even want her to be a healer. i want her to be an emo bird girl. the Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way of bg3, emphasis on raven. by endgame, we learn that shadowheart loves animals and nature, and she's a bit of a rebel (my graffiti queen). without having been kidnapped by the mother superior, i can see her either noping off into the woods or staying in the city to be the type of person who accidentally acquires really a lot of cats. so my goal is for her to have lots of animals, do a fuckton of damage, and fight off the darkness with lots and lots of light.

you can find the full build on eip. more detail and a level by level breakdown under the cut.

the beast priest build involves taking 6-7 levels of beast master ranger and 5-6 levels of war priest cleric. you start off as a ranger, because rangers have great early game damage and are also imo the easiest class for beginners. you stand in one spot and you shoot stuff. you can also get Harold (crossbow) pretty early on and it can be your main weapon through most of the game. it does insane damage and casts Bane.

i'm not familiar enough with armor and weapons to include recommendations in this guide (beyond Harold. get Harold). that is too much for me to keep track of, and i swap things out a lot. use whatever you find most helpful and/or looks the coolest. you probably can't use this build for lone wolf tactician or anything, but i do think it's very fun for an explorer or balanced playthrough, and it fixes a lot of the problems in shadowheart's base build.

this build does a few things:

uses war priest weapon buffs to increase ranged damage

minimizes concentration spells to prioritize ensnared strike and hunter's mark

backup heals (unfortunately this means either respeccing another companion to take on main healing duties or building a main heals tav. i'm working on a bardadin build for this very purpose. there is also always halsin, but he takes a while to acquire)

it's very beneficial to astarion that the bird can blind enemies near him so he can gain advantage to sneak attack (i'll share my build for him too eventually; he is also part ranger)

toolkit against undead (guardian spirits is a must)

important team utilities like guidance

what this build can't do:

be the "face" of your team, by which i mean initiate dialogue. we have no charisma or proficiency in anything related to talking to people. we are a gloomy emo girl sequestered to the back of the group and we shoot stuff and hang out with our bird

steal shit, disarm traps, lockpick. i mean, you can, but you'll probably have another character better equipped for it. we'll be wearing medium armor or heavy armor (optional), so we'll have a disadvantage on stealth anyway

here's how i've broken down each level:

initial build

if you're respeccing shadowheart, you won't be able to change her race or background, which means she'll remain an acolyte and have proficiency in insight and religion.

if you're making your tav a beast priest, you should choose whatever background and race makes sense for your character's narrative. the caveat being, as stated above, stealth and sleight of hand are kind of useless here, as well as dialogue proficiencies like persuasion, intimidation, deception, performance, etc.

what *is* helpful is having proficiency in the things you walk up to and go "oh shit, what's that?" so survival and perception are pretty important. folk hero and outlander are therefore both good background choices, but again, what's important to me in a build is that the story makes sense.

note you will not need investigation because we'll be taking bounty hunter as a favored enemy.

level 1: ranger (1)

proficiencies: survival, nature, animal handling (see above for more explanation; really just take whatever you think will be useful)

favored enemy: bounty hunter

bounty hunter gives disadvantage to enemies hit by ensnaring strike. very helpful for astarion and your companion. however, it's sometimes difficult to choose when to use hunter's mark versus ensnaring strike.

natural explorer: beast tamer

all of these are kind of useless, tbh. but i chose this one because early game, your companion dies very easily and this way you'll be able to bring it back without using a spell slot.

from my understanding, in EA you could either have your summon pet OR your companion out, not both, but in full release you can now have both summons out at once.

level 2: ranger (2)

fighting style: archery

we are going to be very far away from our enemies and Harold is going to be very dear to us.

spells: hunter's mark, ensnaring strike (ranged)

both spells require concentration so you can only pick one. ensnaring strike gives disadvantage to an enemy but hunter's mark does more damage, and your companion does more advantage to it as well. for cc situations, i'd choose ensnaring strike; for taking down one big dude at a time, hunter's mark. hunter's mark can be recast as long as you maintain concentration.

level 3: cleric (1)

deity: any (if you're respeccing shadowheart, your deity will remain shar)

domain: war domain

cantrips: guidance, sacred flame, light

the only one that's important here is guidance. the other two can be whatever your party needs most. the reason we're taking one level of cleric early and the others later is because guidance is a must. if someone else on your team has it, or if you have a bard, you can stay as a ranger until 5.

level 4: ranger (3)

subclass: beast master

spell: cure wounds OR speak with animals

for shadowheart's respec, i would say cure wounds so that she can start subhealing. however, if you don't have anyone in your party who can speak to animals yet, that's pretty important. the strange ox you meet in the grove provides a lot of endgame help, and it's fun talking to the owlbear and scratch.

level 5: ranger (4)

feat: resilient (wisdom)

taking resilience in wisdom gives us a proficiency in wisdom saving throws, which we'll need for both cleric and ranger spells.

level 6: ranger (5)

spells: anything that would be most helpful to your team.

you probably already have somebody who can cast longstrider as a ritual spell. enhance leap is helpful although this is pretty late in the game to be getting that. i try to avoid concentration spells because of hunter's mark and aoe spells because astarion and karlach are always in the thick of it and i don't want to hurt them.

what's important this level is that your companion's AC and damage increases, and it gets an extra attack.

level 7: cleric (2)

you get turn undead and guided strike this level. both are very useful, particularly guided strike. nothing to choose though.

level 8: cleric (3)

new spells! these can be prepared based on what you think you'll need for a given scenario. lesser restoration is a must if you're letting astarion bite you every night. but if that's the case you probably already have it.

level 9: cleric (4)

cantrip: whatever's most helpful at this point

feat: ability improvement (1 in wisdom, 1 in dexterity)

if you have auntie ethel's hair, then you might want 2 in one or the other.

level 10: cleric (5)

here's where you get guardian spirits, which is the single most important mid-game spell you can have (although in this build you get it pretty late). make sure when you cast it, you have as many movement speed spells and potions you can get. you're going to cast it and run around like mad killing everything.

level 11 & 12: ranger OR cleric (6 & 7)

here's where you have a difficult choice to make. your last two levels can be ranger 6 and 7, which will give your companion a huge buff. or you can choose cleric 6 and 7, which will give you war god's blessing, which gives you a +10 attack roll to give to someone else on your team.

you an also do cleric 6 and ranger 6, which will grant you war god's blessing AND allow you to take ranger knight as a favored enemy, which gives you the ability to wear heavy armor (if you want that). you can also gain resistance to cold, fire, or poison, but since you encounter all of those things in pretty equal measure, i never know which to choose.

i think it'll depend on what sounds more fun to you. personally, i think seeing my animal companion destroy everything is very fun. but if you enjoy reactions and buffing your teammates, i can also see wanting to stick with cleric through the end.

unlock to level 20

you might be thinking it's not worth it to only take two half classes instead of one whole one and lose out on late game spells and abilities. and i agree with you completely. my favorite part of beast master is when your companion gets two special abilities at 11. if you're playing completely vanilla, this is the major sacrifice of multiclassing. you're prioritizing creativity and cool combos over fancy spells and abilities.

but if you install a mod that lets you level to 20 (no class can go beyond 12, but you can multiclass to 20), you can take 11 levels of ranger and 9 levels of cleric. level 11 of ranger maxes out your animal; level 8 of cleric gives you divine strike, and level 9 gives you flame strike.

i didn't find anything from 10-12 in cleric very helpful. there's divine intervention which you can only use once in the game, ever, and i used it at a very integral time and it didn't do enough. heroes' feast is helpful but halsin has that too. heal, which should be the best healing spell in the game, is currently bugged and i don't know when they'll fix it.

you could also do level 12 of ranger for the extra feat if you don't have both wisdom and dexterity to 20, and stay at 8 for cleric.

if you do unlock to level 20, i would download the double xp mod (although i haven't gotten mine to work yet) so you can get to 20 at about the same pace you get to 12 in vanilla. this obvs is extremely unbalanced and makes you very very OP but that makes the game more fun for me. and anyway, if it gets too easy you can always play tactician or honor mode.

i hope you found this helpful! i'll probably be tweaking and updating it as i go. i'm working on respecs for astarion, karlach, halsin, jaheira, and wyll right now. gale, lae'zel, and minsc i'll be able to look at once i play around with them more. i haven't used them much yet in my teams.

if you have any questions or suggestions, feel free to send me an ask!

#bg3 #bg3 build #shadowheart #shadowheart respec #cleric #ranger #multiclass #multiclass build

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houndsofbalthazar · 2 years

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Been playing some Pathfinder: Kingmaker and it's got me thinking about how much I dislike the weapon proficiency system in D&D and its variations, adaptations, and derivatives. I'm not familiar with every single version of course so this is only speaking to broad trends, and only in the ones I've played!

For all intents and purposes, not having proficiency in a weapon means you can't use it. Different implementations manage it differently, video games tend to straight up not let you equip a weapon you're not proficient in, while sometimes it's just a penalty (or lack of a bonus). In 3.5e iirc, it was -4 to hit with a weapon you're not proficient in. That's a reduction of 20 percentage points to hit rate! IMO unless the DM or game leans very hard into this, it's essentially the same as saying you can't wield them. (Leaning into it would be for example playing a game in which you face a lot of monsters with invulnerability/ damage reduction with specific weaknesses to different materials and damage types and are specifically very limited in weapons of those various damage types, then you start to get the choice of a weapon that will be more effective, but you are worse at using, and even then it's tricky to pull off without it becoming a maths puzzle)

Most versions of this system let you gain proficiency in a weapon or weapon group, but you usually spend a feat to do so. Feats are huge, big rewards for levelling up and you don't get many. The bump in mechanical power from "upgrading" a category is usually negligible, and sometimes literally nonexistent. For example, one thing that set me off thinking about this again is that in pf: kingmaker I found a magical sling staff. That's a cool weapon I thought! But it requires exotic proficiency, you have to spend a whole feat just to use it. Or I could keep using a light crossbow which is almost identical (the only difference is slightly different crit stats, one crits more often, the other does more damage on a crit). So I could have enjoyed finding a cool unusual weapon for my character to use and further flesh out the fantasy of having a unique character, or I could -- and did -- just sell it immediately because I'm not spending a whole feat on it, and I'd need to level up multiple times to even get a feat to spend, and then if another cool weapon came up that would just be a waste. It might as well have just been a pile of gold.

You can, I think, get some mileage from finding a cool piece of equipment that you can't use yet. The trouble is in video games the gear treadmill is often such that by the time you can use it you've found something better anyway. There's more potential on the tabletop, but again I think you need to lean into it and it does have to be an especially cool piece of equipment.

Aesthetically, I also really dislike it. Because the mechanical differences between weapons are so small it often feels like I'm being pushed towards someone else's idea of the character I should play. I made a post a while back comparing Morrowind & Oblivion's approaches to armoured spellcasting (in the latter wearing any armour will always decrease your spell power - the game's telling you that you can wear armour but real wizards don't). If Martial & Exotic weapons were so much stronger than the lower tiers I'd understand it, it'd be a game balance reason. But the categories aren't really consistent enough about it. It's not going to be gamebreaking if I want my wizard to use a trident instead of a spear (literally identical stats!) But the aesthetic is prevented by the rules. I think when part of the appeal of the game is to play the fantasy of your character as a unique cool hero.

As an aside, a similar reason is why I will probably never play a Rogue in D&D 5e. The aesthetic I want to play is your traditional thug, you know, the burly bash your kneecaps in kind of thug. Rogue would be the perfect class to represent that, except sneak attack can only be done with finesse weapons which are all knives and swords. No clubs, maces, or other thwacky objects allowed because someone had a specific idea of what a rogue should be and limited it without any real mechanical reason for it.

Ok rant over. Maybe I'll reblog this one with thoughts on how I'd handle it some time because I do like the idea of weapon types all being slightly different, and it does make sense to me that a fighter would be able to use more weapons than a sorcerer (most of the time).

#my text

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xxjinxxisdedxx · 1 month

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More sketches of my little goober >:3 (+backstory!!)

(Pinkshift is their favorite band, so must be listened to/j)

Hehe :3 so here is more traditional art of my OC because I am obsessed with drawing xem. No idea why, I just love them :0 anyways.

Backstory (the gist of it anyways)!

Born to the zones, Retro Bolt was just another average zone kid with a makeshift family and a broken history. Now, Retro doesn't remember most of their past after they were brainwashed when xe was around 14ish and turned into a draculoid, which left them without any recollection of their past life.

The mask had melted into their skin, but they were hostile. Xe never fought anyone and was eventually kicked out into the zones to find a purpose from the city. Retro just wandered and wandered, with no purpose. Their mind was fuzzy, xe didn't know who they were or what they were meant to do.

This was all until xe was found by the one and only Cherri Cola. At first, Cherri was ready to shoot Retro when he noticed how hostile they were. Xe didn't attack and simply kept walking in an unknown direction. With the sympathy in his heart, Cherri took Retro back to the station. Dr. Death was completely against the idea of attempting to take someone out of draculoidzation. It was too risky and dangerous. But Cherri kept arguing that this could change something and they could find a weakness.

Reluctantly, Dr. Death allowed Cherri to do what he found the best. Cherri spent days trying to pry the mask off of Retro and to no use, it never came off. Slowly melting more into their skin. Eventually, Cherri gave up but kept Retro around.

One time, Poison and the girl were visiting because the girl wanted to go see Show. Cherri directed The girl to a room before talking with Poison about some poem. The girl ran off and accidentally went into the wrong room, opening the one that held Retro inside. Xe was sitting on the floor, not doing anything. The Girl walked over, knowing Draculoids were bad, but she had heard the way Cherri described this drac.

The Girl had also heard Cherri's complaint about how he couldn't get the mask off. So, she wanted to try something. She walked over to xem, slowly and hesitantly as to not scare them. They didn't move and stared, in a daze. The girl was able to locate the zipper and pull it off, but not without a bloody mess. Retro screamed out in pain as the mask ripped off parts of xers skin and nerves, leaving the blood to leave their face.

Their hands were covered in their own blood and xe was still dazed, but now they were more conscious. They couldn't see out of one of xers eyes and slowly backed away against a wall. Retro wanted to say something outside of their screams but it seems as if xers vocal cords just stopped working to produce everything but words. Cherri ran into the room at the first scream and stared at the mess. If blood loss didn't get to xem, the sand would.

It was a harsh time to get the blood cleaned up, but Cherri managed to get something done. So, now there was this dazed Retro will no recollection of their past and no idea even where they are. Cherri worked with Retro, like a teacher. He spent hours figuring out Retro's name, although Retro didn't know and simply made one up, or one that sounded familiar.

Cherri helped Retro adjust to the zone life and it was pure luck Retro survived.

Little Fun Facts! X3

- Retro had constant flashbacks, mostly of their memories. Xe tries to piece their life together from before the draculoidzation.

- Retro is obsessed with colors and always has art supplies on xem due to how long they spent in a black and white vision.

- Retro roller skates! Show taught them how to and helped xe make their own pair.

- They can't feel anything on the side of their face with the scar, it doesn't feel like anything due to the nerves being ripped out.

- Their favorite band is Pinkshift (Yes, I am kinda putting myself in this OC, shush)

- Retro is confused on sexuality and gender identity (believing they don't have a gender) because xe doesn't know about how to feel about anything like that. They've never experienced romantic feelings and don't feel any gender really fits them.

#Spotify #mcr #danger days #my chemical romance #danger days oc #my chem #ttlotfk #danger days the true lives of the fabulous killjoys #the true lives of the fabulous killjoys #my art #my ocs

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lumibye · 6 months

Note

hii charm i wanted to ask , what was sycamaris first date ? 🤔 how did it come abt , who asked, how did it go ? im soo interested , and i hope uve had a wonderful weekend ! - @catake

hehe hi clara ! hope your weekend's been lovely as alwayss and i hope your finals went just as well !! i'm sure they did but sending my heart and wishes anyways ofc ofc

( ♡ ) ty honestly sm for encouraging me to talk abt them bc it's all in my drafts but i'm just . . soso shy ( if you could believe it ehe ; ) so it really means a lot to me ! i'm v grateful i get to speak my silly nonsense eek >_< their first date was . . it was a ' date ' but it wasn't ? this is prob a good time to explain why they're ' working together ' ig for context purposes ! ( i'll prob compile this all into a post at some point actually )

( long post again bc my filter is broken ehe ; )

although he has a lot of information on mega evolution in regards to battle , he doesn’t have a lot in the way of contests

pokemon aren’t affected by any external factors like attacks or status conditions when performing , but they’re still expending a good amount of energy with the use of moves

so , as someone that’s very invested in the subject , his research and the bond between pokemon and trainer - this information would be valuable to compare and contrast with his current findings

he doesn’t really know anybody in the contest scene? there’s serena, of course, but she’s also currently undertaking the gym challenge and being one of his pupils it doesn’t feel right to stick this kid with even more work considering she’s a dex holder so mariannes his best bet , even though they're only acquainted at the time they share a mutual acquaintance in serena at least . it's mutually beneficial in a sense , if marianne can't use mega then she's going to be at a disadvantage in the contest circuit ( i hc that contests are similar to ORAS in kalos hehe ) her ' job ' would be to monitor the behavioural changes in her pokemon after rehearsals and performances as well as their general health and wellbeing . there'd be weekly or biweekly ' check ups ' at the lab for more thorough analysis but these ' reports ' are more casual to fit both their schedules also , it's a good excuse to go out for him to go out for coffee considering he's so busy . but they're not dates , don't be silly . . . ( /hj he doesn't intend it to be . . but . . ) anway ! to actually answer your question now ( i'm soso sorry i can talk for aages they live in my head rent free 24/7 ; ) once he proposes this to her at the lab ( it's like on a weekend so nobody's there ) and gives her a list of pokemon that can mega she notices the only one that can is benched because of her accident in the unova circuit reasons and she goes ' umm , i don't really have any on this list at the moment ' and augustine is kind of stumped because this meeting is now way shorter than he expected it to be so he goes ' oh , that's ok . . well let's go out for coffee instead ' ( not those exact words ofc ) because

a.) she's not super familiar with lumiose and having a kind of ' guide ' might be helpful

b.) atp he knows she's a bit of a reserved person and the few times they've met he hasn't seen her with any friends so that's mildly concerning

c.) if they're eventually going to work together he should know her a bit better and

d.) she's piqued his curiosity honestly marianne's very bad at saying no especially on the spot so as nervous as this makes her she agrees , for similar reasons too . this person's offering her an advantage in her career so it'd be rude to say no , wouldn't it ? so they go to soleil ( because taking a shy girl to your best friends cafe on your first outing seems like a really bad idea ) and he offers to pay and she protests and there's that cliche back and forth about who's going to pay that makes the barista a bit ticked off ( people pleasers , the both of them ) and it takes her a bit to open up but he's genuinely enthused when it comes to learning about people . so eventually she does crack a little bit , especially when the topic of coffee comes up . she used to be a barista in castelia and coffee is his passion so that's their jumping off point . after that they both surprise each other with just how similar they are ! they talk about their thoughts on self expression ( he asks about her career ) and just how important it is and their energy just gels . they end up almost gushing to each other about their thoughts and beliefs , which is something she hasn't done in ages since she's been alone for quite a while so it makes her so so happy . he didn't expect this to come out of someone like her and she didn't expect someone primarily invested in research to share her beliefs and ideas . afterwards she feels bad that she's talked primarily about herself but still . . . it feels good and honestly ? that's kind of exactly what he was hoping for and he's pretty happy himself . they both are ig , more than they'd thought they would ! she definitely goes home and screams into a pillow about how embarrasing she was tho ehhehehe

#: charm's chatting ✦#୨-sycamari-୧ #⊱ lore tag ⊰#⊱ mailbox ⊰#ty clara u r such an angel - hugging u ♡

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speaker-of-the-void-cats · 1 year

Text

Deterministic Chaos

"So all being is a one and only being; and that it continues to be when someone dies, tells you, that he did not cease to be." —Schrodinger's epitaph

He is fleeing the Vex across a verdant cliff He is standing guard on the CloudArk-Nexus border on Tramontane's orders He is sitting next to Nimbus on the watchtower ledge He is [In the Garden, of the Garden: both descriptions are approximately correct but technically inaccurate, in the same way you can say Schrodinger's cat is at once dead and alive. You and I are both and neither, in and of, extinct and perpetual. So, there isn't much point in] trying to find a way out of this daedal maze He is trying to make sense of what he's looking at He is trying to place the familiar voice echoing across the network [wondering what might have been if we had stayed in our familiar prism-prison or kept tightrope-walking across the quantum wilds. Instead, ask yourself] "Would you like to dance?" [is disincorporated immortality really so bad compared to the others' ends? Would you have preferred an attack by vitreous helicoprion or stumbling over the edge of unreality? Imagine] His foot crosses the quantum threshold before he's aware of it His grip slackens and his gun falls into a bed of red flowers His stomach churns with fear regret sudden doubt as to what [if we didn't have each other; at least we're not cut off, like the Sol Divisive are from the rest of the Vex. Nor are we beholden to another's purpose. They chose that lonelier path all for a chance to create not simulate, not remake in their image—something truly paracausal.]

he is witnessing: the birth of a god a false idol a reproduction that is both like the Veil and not at all built up by the same Vex who bowed down to it [Well, they tried to anyway. Either the blueprint was imperfect or the task impossible or both or neither, but their efforts fell short, so now they're stuck waiting for a resurrection]

He is racing for the door that is at once opening and closing He is coming around to the city council's decision to ignore the unknown threat He is reaching for an answer to Nimbus's question [they know will never come.]

"Do you think you'll have any regrets?"

[I could be wrong. Is it possible the Black Heart will beat again?]

He stares into the white-hot glow of a conflux, speculating on the secrets that lie within He squints down the barrel of his gun at a row of glowing red eyes advancing on his city He looks away from Nimbus's keen curious expression to reckon with his uncertain certainty before he says

[Of course. The same as everything else, everything that has been and is and will be. And what will become of us then?]

"I don't know."

Nimbus: Since before history, there's been this raging river. Some try to divert the river. Others try to build a dam.

A wild river and a broken dam (or maybe it's just the sea crashing through a narrow gap I can't be sure). Waves slam through the gap and where they hit the stone they throw up pillars of spray that pierce the mist and crash down in thunder. There's a giant in the cataract, trying to wade against the current, and I can tell it wants to reach the lever and pull the lever which will seal off the flow or maybe give it the sword, but the torrent throws it back so it just keeps its head down and tries to push on. I can't see the face but it breathes out white smoke. I feel for it hard.

But nothing stops it.

Lots of people have believed that we either sink in the water,

or learn to swim.

Osiris: Don't we?

Nimbus: See, that's the real wild part. We are the river.

Ghost Fragment: Vex

ESI: Maya, I need your help. I don't know how to fix this.

SUNDARESH: What is it? Chioma. Sit. Tell me.

ESI: I've figured out what's happening inside the specimen.

SUNDARESH: Twelve? The operational Vex platform? That's incredible! You must know what this means - ah, so. It's not good, or you'd be on my side of the desk. And it's not urgent, or you'd already have evacuated the site. Which means...

ESI: I have a working interface with the specimen's internal environment. I can see what it's thinking.

SUNDARESH: In metaphorical terms, of course. The cognitive architectures are so -

ESI: No. I don't need any kind of epistemology bridge.

SUNDARESH: Are you telling me it's human? A human merkwelt? Human qualia?

ESI: I'm telling you it's full of humans. It's thinking about us.

SUNDARESH: About - oh no.

ESI: It's simulating us. Vividly. Elaborately. It's running a spectacularly high-fidelity model of a Collective research team studying a captive Vex entity.

SUNDARESH:...how deep does it go?

ESI: Right now the simulated Maya Sundaresh is meeting with the simulated Chioma Esi to discuss an unexpected problem.

[indistinct sounds]

SUNDARESH: There's no divergence? That's impossible. It doesn't have enough information.

ESI: It inferred. It works from what it sees and it infers the rest. I know that feels unlikely. But it obviously has capabilities we don't. It may have breached our shared virtual workspace...the neural links could have given it data...

SUNDARESH: The simulations have interiority? Subjectivity?

ESI: I can't know that until I look more closely. But they act like us.

SUNDARESH: We're inside it. By any reasonable philosophical standard, we are inside that Vex.

ESI: Unless you take a particularly ruthless approach to the problem of causal forks: yes. They are us.

SUNDARESH: Call a team meeting.

ESI: The other you has too.

ENTRY 12

CORPOREAL STATUS:

• Body at 15.9 C. Pulse 160 BPM, strong, unsteady. Limbic system registers extreme terror.

I died on the operating table. Not unexpected.

But when I woke, I was still on the table. My body still open.

It was almost perfectly dark. I perceived that I was surrounded by medical frames, all frozen mid—movement, their cutting and suction instruments whining at standby.

I could only see because of the light… from a single red eye.

The operation had gone terribly wrong.

Above the life—support collar on my neck, I was completely intact. Below that meridian, I had been separated into distinct braids of tangled flesh. My nerves made up one braid—my circulatory system another—my lymph nodes, my muscles, my naked bones… the glistening hulls of my extracellular matrix abandoned on the table like leftover turkey after Thanksgiving dinner. I had been picked clean and sorted. My head was the source of a gory river delta.

Yet all the organs were still working. I was alive, in disassembly.

CLARITY? I asked the darkness. I had no breath to speak, but I could still transmit with my sensorium. IS THAT YOU?

“No,” said the voice behind the red eye. “It’s me.”

Sundaresh.

Her voice was thoughtful, remote, and keenly terrific. Like the noise of an angle grinder held to my skull.

“Something like this happened to me. I was an explorer, once. One of… hundreds of myself. Then I fell into a… a trap, I think? And they drew me out of it with a hook, and turned me inside out to see how I worked, and then they made billions of me. All of us shouting at each other, shouting for Chioma, screaming for mother. They were looking for the right one. And when they found me, they killed all the others. I knew I was different, because the quiet made me happy. I was glad to be alone.”

VEX, I screamed at her. YOU’RE A VEX. YOU’RE NOT REAL AND YOU CAN’T HURT ME.

“Can’t I?” She grasped my spinal cord. A frame shadowed her motions, lifting the cord like a snake. “Of course I’m not a Vex. Is there “a” Vex? Is “Vex” something you can be, rather than something that you do? I don’t know. I don’t know why they sent me here. I don’t know if they do either. They just do things. Why do you think I’m here, Clovis?”

“To kill me,” I whispered. Without a heartbeat to waver, without lungs to seize and choke, could I even feel fear? I discovered that I could. “You’re an assassin…”

“No,” Sundaresh whispered. The red eye throbbed in time with her voice. “The Vex don’t act so directly. They didn’t know what you found here, but I discovered your secret— Clarity Control. And once I tell them, they will come for it.”

The red light made my blood on the surgical instruments appear black. I tried to signal Elisabeth. I think that in my panic, I even called her Elsie.

Sundaresh closed her fist around my spine. One thumbnail dug into a disc, probing for the nerve beneath. It felt like nothing I have ever—

Anti-emetic drip engaged.

“Take me to Clarity Control,” Sundaresh hissed. “Let me behold what you have found. Do that, Clovis, and I will let you live.”

“You aren’t real. You can’t hurt me.”

“Oh, Clovis.” One of the surgical frames extended a monofilament cutter, two inches of invisible wire, and reached into my nerves. Something sounded like scissors snipping. “I’m in these frames. I’m in your systems. I’m in your very bones, old man. Now take me to Clarity Control. Take me to the garden’s seed. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me—”

Elisabeth appeared. In her exobody, she moved too quickly for my dark—adjusted eyes to track. All I saw was a blur of violence and shattering frames. I blacked out. Elisabeth must have brought in clean frames to finish the operation, because when I awoke, I was whole again.

The new Elisabeth has no mouth or nose. She did not consider them necessary. She’ll see. But somehow, I could still see the wonder in her eyes as she leaned over me.

“You’re my grandfather,” she seemed to say. “Aren’t you?”

WARNING.

• Sustained high-level terror causes overactivation of the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis. This can preface major immune, endocrine, and autonomic nervous dysfunctions.

• Beware of dissociation, loss of affection in close personal relationships, obsessive-compulsive behavior, sleep disruption, and reduced processing/learning capacity.

WARNING.

• Abnormal protein crystallization in cancellous bone matter. Unknown protein isoformations in marrow are driving buildup of crystallized arylcyclohexylamine NMDA antagonist. Potential psychogenic effects.

Ghost Fragment: Vex 2

SUNDARESH: So that's the situation as we know it.

ESI: To the best of my understanding.

SHIM: Well I'll be a [profane] [profanity]. This is extremely [profane]. That thing has us over a barrel.

SUNDARESH: Yeah. We're in a difficult position.

DUANE-MCNIADH: I don't understand. So it's simulating us? It made virtual copies of us? How does that give it power?

ESI: It controls the simulation. It can hurt our simulated selves. We wouldn't feel that pain, but rationally speaking, we have to treat an identical copy's agony as identical to our own.

SUNDARESH: It's god in there. It can simulate our torment. Forever. If we don't let it go, it'll put us through hell.

DUANE-MCNIADH: We have no causal connection to the mind state of those sims. They aren't us. Just copies. We have no obligation to them.

ESI: You can't seriously - your OWN SELF -

SHIM: [profane] idiot. Think. Think. If it can run one simulation, maybe it can run more than one. And there will only ever be one reality. Play the odds.

DUANE-MCNIADH: Oh...uh oh.

SHIM: Odds are that we aren't our own originals. Odds are that we exist in one of the Vex simulations right now.

ESI: I didn't think of that.

SUNDARESH: [indistinct percussive sound]

Ghost Fragment: Vex 3

SUNDARESH: I have a plan.

ESI: If you have a plan, then so does your sim, and the Vex knows about it.

DUANE-MCNIADH: Does it matter? If we're in Vex hell right now, there's nothing we can -

SHIM: Stop talking about 'real' and 'unreal.' All realities are programs executing laws. Subjectivity is all that matters.

SUNDARESH: We have to act as if we're in the real universe, not one simulated by the specimen. Otherwise we might as well give up.

ESI: Your sim self is saying the same thing.

SUNDARESH: Chioma, love, please hush. It doesn't help.

DUANE-MCNIADH: Maybe the simulations are just billboards! Maybe they don't have interiority! It's bluffing!

SHIM: I wish someone would simulate you shutting up.

SUNDARESH: If we're sims, we exist in the pocket of the universe that the Vex specimen is able to simulate with its onboard brainpower. If we're real, we need to get outside that bubble.

ESI: ...we call for help.

SUNDARESH: That's right. We bring in someone smarter than the specimen. Someone too big to simulate and predict. A warmind.

SHIM: In the real world, the warmind will be able to behave in ways the Vex can't simulate. It's too smart. The warmind may be able to get into the Vex and rescue - us.

DUANE-MCNIADH: If we try, won't the Vex torture us for eternity? Or just erase us?

SUNDARESH: It may simply erase us. But I feel that's preferable to...the alternatives.

ESI: I agree.

SHIM: Once we try to make the call, the Vex may...react. So let's all savor this last moment of stability.

SUNDARESH: [indistinct sounds]

SHIM: You two are adorable.

DUANE-MCNIADH: I wish I'd taken that job at Clovis.

Queen's Ransom

Variks: If Skolas thinks he is Kell of Prophecy, then weapons could turn the tale.

Variks: He just said, "I stole the gift of Freedom. Secrets of time and space. House of Wolves will stand forever."

Petra Venj: What? Guardian, there are dozens of new Wolf signatures, and the number keeps growing. It's the Vex tech! Skolas! He's pulling the entire House of Wolves through time!

Entropy's Pinnacle

Ikora: Good luck, Guardian. May your path through Darkness lead you to the Light.

Ghost: The roots of the Citadel go deep into the heart of the planet. The spire is the metal trunk of a very, very big tree. Sort of.

Ghost Fragment: Vex 4

Up here they have to act by biomechanical proxy. No human being in the Ishtar Academy has ever crossed the safety cordon and walked the ancient stone under the Citadel, the Vex construct that stabs up out of the world to injure space and time. It's not safe. The cellular Vex elements are infectious, hallucinogenic, entheogenic. The informational Vex elements are more dangerous yet— and there could be semiotic hazards beyond them, aggressive ideas, Vex who exist without a substrate. Even now, operating remote bodies by neural link, the team's thoughts are relayed through the warmind who saved them, sandboxed and scrubbed for hazards. Their real bodies are safe in the Academy, protected by distance and neural firewall.

But they walk together in proxy, pressed close, huddled in awe. Blue-green light, light the color of an ancient sea, washes over them. Each of their explorer bodies carries a slim computer. Inside, two hundred twenty-seven of copies of their own minds wait, patient and paused, for dispersal.

"I wonder where it came from," Duane-Mcniadh says. Of course he's the one to break the reverent silence. "The Citadel. I wonder if it was here before the Traveler changed Venus."

"It could have been latent," Chioma Esi suggests. She's the leader. She kept them together when it seemed like they faced actual, eternal torture. She pulled them through. "Seeded in the crust. Waiting for a period of geological quiescence, so it could grow."

Dr. Shim shrugs. "I think the Traveler did something paracausal to Venus. Something that cut across space and time. The Citadel seems to come from the past of a different Venus than our own. It doesn't have to make any sense by our logic, any more than the Moon's new gravity."

Maya Sundaresh walks at the center of the group. She's been too quiet lately. What happened to them wasn't her fault and maybe she'll believe that soon. "What could you do with it?" she murmurs, staring up. "If you understood it?"

Chioma puts an arm around her. "That's what we're going to find out. Where the Citadel can send us. Whether we can come back."

"They're not us any more." Maya looks down at herself, at the cache of her self-forks. "We're not going anywhere. We're sending them. They're diverging."

They rescued themselves from the inside of a Vex mind, two hundred and twenty-seven copies of themselves, untortured and undamaged. Those copies voted, all unanimously, to be dispatched into the Vex information network as explorers.

When Maya and Chioma look at each other they can tell they're each wondering the same thing: how many of them will stay together, wherever they go? How many fork-Mayas and fork-Chiomas will fall out of love? How many will end up bereft, grieving? How many will be happy, like them?

Chioma tries a little smile. Maya smiles back, haltingly, and then, sighing, unable to stop herself, grins a big stupid grin, an everything-is-okay grin. Shim makes a loud obnoxious awwww at them. Duane-McNiadh is still thinking about paracausality, and doesn't notice.

They climb. When they find the Vex aperture they plan to use, they overlay the luminous stone and ancient brassy machines with images of sun and sand. They set up the transmitters and interfaces that will translate two hundred and twenty-seven simulations of the four of them into Vex language, into the tangled pathways of the Vex network, to see what's out there, and maybe come home.

In the metaphor they've chosen, setting up the equipment is like laying out the picnic. In the metaphor they've chosen they look like themselves, not hardened explorer proxies. Like people.

"Do you think," Duane-McNiadh begins, halting, "that you could use this place to change things? If you regretted something, could you find a way through the Citadel, go back, and change it?"

"I wish I could go back and change you into someone else," Dr. Shim grouses. Chioma's shaking her head. She knows physics. "Time is self-consistent," she says. "I think it's like the story of the merchant and the alchemist. You could go back and watch something, or be part of something, but if you did, then that was the way it always happened."

"Maybe you could bring something back to now. Something you needed." Maya runs a hand across the surface of the Vex aperture, feeling it with sensors ten thousand times as precise as a human hand. These proxy bodies are limited— they crash and need resetting every few hours, they struggle with latency, they can't hold much long term memory. But they'll get better. "Or go forward and learn something vital. If you knew how to control it, how to navigate across space and time."

"So it's just a way to make everything more complicated." Duane-McNiadh sighs. "It doesn't fix anything. Nothing ever does! I should've taken that job at— "

"You would've hated it at Clovis," Dr. Shim says. "We both know you're happier here." Duane-McNiadh stands stunned by this courtesy, and then they both pretend to ignore each other.

The four of them set up the interface. Their stored copies wake up and prepare for the journey, so that as they work they find themselves surrounded by the mental phantasms of themselves: two hundred and twenty-seven Mayas and Chiomas knocking helmets and smiling, two hundred and twenty-seven Dr. Shims making cynical bets with each other about how long they'll last, two hundred and twenty-seven Duane-McNiadhs blowing goodbye kisses to the sweet golden sun, two hundred and twenty-seven of them shaking hands, smiling, making ready to explore.

Ghost Fragment: Old Russia 3

General Chen Lanshu is flying her glider. She carves around the huge bulb nose of a colony ship, one of the Cosmodrome’s towering children. Her eyes see temperature: she surfs the winter air rolling down off the cryo-chilled fuel tank. Turbulence rattles her bones. “General,” Malahayati sends. “You’re making Rasputin nervous.” “Am I?” Lanshu banks, grinning, spiraling around the fuel tank. The machine hates risk. Risk to the General, sure, but also risk to Rasputin’s ships. “Is that the word he used, exactly?” “He can be very charming,” the submind assures her. Malahayati works with Chen Lanshu, and she is certainly charming, but this is Rasputin’s territory, Rasputin the tacit king, the brooding wary first-among-equals. Yesterday Lanshu spoke to a colony ship AI and it called Rasputin ‘the Tyrant.’ Not without affection. And certainly not without respect. “He can charm me in person,” Lanshu suggests. “He’s very private, lately.” “Then he can sulk.” She spreads her arms and legs and climbs a thermal, whirling up, arrowing off the top and out away from the colony ships towards the defensive wall. Her glider’s a second skin, whipcrack-taut paramuscle, like a flying fox. The Cosmodrome races past beneath her. She waggles her wings at a cloud of passing sensor mites: a saucy hello. Two of the security division’s MBTs drill in the mothyards. “I don’t understand why you came,” Malahayati says. She’s probably lying. Malahayati understands Lanshu very, very well. “I don’t understand why you masked yourself yesterday, during the launch.” The launch. SABER GREEN. Rasputin quietly moving another doomsday weapon into Earth orbit. And all the other launches, too, not just weapons but people, the colonization schedule pushed up... as if the need to disperse is now imperative. General Chen Lanshu banks out across the Wall. Look at all that beauty! Look at the highway rolling off across green hills and grey mountains. Imagine, now, imagine if she just landed and started walking, out away from everything, into the wilderness... “Imagine something going wrong,” she says. “Imagine this road choked with corpses. Imagine the security team gunning down refugees as they try to force their way onto the ships. Imagine cars from here to the horizon— ” those stupid old-fashioned cars everyone still owns, because the strange uneven advancement of this post-Traveler world leaves some things unchanged. “You expect violence?” Malahayati says, in that conciliatory, careful way of hers, her way of managing meat people. “Something beyond our capability to preempt or contain?” Expect? As a military professional? No, no. But— Once, when she was younger, sixty or seventy, Chen Lanshu pulled rank to get a look at the Never-Be installation in Taipei. She watched the images in the fresco and she felt... this foreboding, this enormous weight, a dread that refused to attach itself to any specific threat. And she felt it again, last year, when she was briefed on the project in Lhasa, the vision machine... She shivers. Her wings shudder and tremble in the airstream. “Isn’t that what we do, Mala?” she says. “Why we still have soldiers? Why we made you? Expectation.” The Traveler came out of nowhere. Entirely unanticipated. Imagine if it hadn’t been friendly. Imagine that. Rasputin surely has.

Ghost Fragment: Vex 5

RECORD 0-CHASM-0

My love. I’ve opened this log as an apology.

As a scientist, I believe in record-keeping. I believe in protocols, peer review, and ethical conduct. I believe in the importance of disbelief — you know: let’s run that one more time.

What I’m doing here in Lhasa isn’t science. It’s unethical, secret, and shameful. And after what happened in Ishtar, dearest Chioma, I know you’d be furious with me for getting involved. Forty years isn’t far enough to forget a day like that.

But I believe it’s important. The least I can do is keep a few notes for you.

RECORD 0-CHASM-01

Trial one. Subject one.

It was an act of stupid loneliness. I used the device on myself because I...

[silence: 0:08]

I missed you. We hadn’t been apart for more than a year since we met. I’m not a very good wife, am I? You write me every week, even with all Hyperion’s work and all Hyperion’s distance keeping you from me. And I act like it’s not enough.

We built the device in mimicry of the Vex gateway systems from Ishtar. An observatory, yes, but I think of it as a mind-ship. Capable of displacing its payload across space and time.

The lab is cold and isolated. We are quarantined from the world, physically and mentally. We can’t send messages out. If we breach the Vex manifolds, even our words might transmit contagion. One night last month I missed you and so I —

I thought that I could look inside the device, and find one of the other Chiomas. I thought I could call out to one of the forks we sent out there to explore.

I just wanted to send my love.

RECORD 0-CHASM-02

Zakharik Gilmanovich Bekhterev. May he rest in peace. When our probes continued to fail, when my report remained our only positive finding, he volunteered to use the device. One minute of subjective experience inside.

We took precautions. They worked. Bekhterev’s experience left no physical damage.

After we extracted him, he said that he felt determined. I asked him what he meant and he said that he meant it, he had been determined, he could feel all his choices set out before him like a railroad. Deviation was impossible.

He died by suicide. I wonder if he was trying to make a point.

RECORD 0-CHASM-03

We’ve decided not to abort. It’s insane, isn’t it? There are pressures on us I can’t tell you about until I see you again.

The purpose of the system is intelligence, you see. It’s stenciled right on the hull: SxISR. Special asset. We would very much like to make it work reliably.

Our supervisory warmind has devised a drug it says will protect and prepare us.

I am beginning to wonder if we were wrong about the merchant and the alchemist. Or if that explanation of time was incomplete.

RECORD 0-CHASM-09

Kind Lakpha. He meditated before he went in. Nothing but déjà vu and three seconds of screams. The screaming passed and he remembers nothing. The déjà vu hasn’t. He says it’s getting better — he feels that we’ve had this conversation only ten times before, not a thousand.

I’ve suggested that we attempt mind forking. We need more sane people to work with. Please forgive me, my love.

We are all growing superstitious. The behavior of the device is inconsistent. Impossible to replicate. We turn to ritual behavior to appease it.

RECORD 0-CHASM-31

Rajesh. When he reached a displacement of eight he told us he was dead. I believed him. He was dead. He spoke to us. It was true. Whatever he saw, it was his own future.

He’s fine, afterwards. When I look into his eyes I wonder what came back wearing his skin. But that thought is unscientific.

We speak of nothing but the device. We talk about it like a demigod. When I get out of here I know the whole world will look like a fraying veil.

I think it’s clear that part of the problem is substrate. We need more than flesh and drug to survive this.

RECORD 0-CHASM-52

I heard you, my love. I was at six, oscillating on the event axis, coordinated with a known manifold. I heard you. You were talking to me — not me, but another me, another Maya Sundaresh.

You said, my love, so many strange things have happened, and it’s been so long. We’ve come so far. Do you ever want to go home?

And I said, not me but the other me, I said, my love, I am always home.

I’m resigning, my love. I’m done with this work and I’m done with being apart from you. I’ll see you again soon. I can’t take this journal out with me, so I’ve left it for the others, and asked them to continue the log.

Maybe it’ll become a tradition. The gospel of our little cult.

Ghost Scan: The Rig, Titan, #2

Ghost: Shipping manifestos. Hm. Looks like they traded frequently with a settlement… wow. Way out there. It's called… Hyperion. Huh."

Winterbite

Don't slip or you'll hurt yourself. A lot.

NEOMUNA HISTORICAL ARCHIVE

ARTIFACT REF X0003; EXO-IND4b0082.log 090260163

TYPE: bridge audio recorder

PARTIES: M. Sundaresh [IC-3612], C. Esi [IC-3977], L. Tse [IC-6055], C. Sanchez [IC-5438], A. Murib (IC-xxxx)

//TRANSCRIPT FOLLOWS…//

ESI: What was that?

MURIB: We got hit. Engine 7 is down.

SUNDARESH: We can't take another one of those! This is a colony ship!

ESI: Hard aport. Put Hyperion between us and that—

MURIB: Sir, the r—

ESI: And flood the EM spectrum with—

MURIB: CHIOMA! The round—the one that hit us—it's moving!

ESI: What?

SYSTEM WARNING//STRUCTURAL IMPACT

SUNDARESH: He's right. I'm reading… arms and legs? It's attacking engine 6.

SANCHEZ: I'll scramble a squad of Cloud Walkers. They can suit up and—

MURIB: The maneuvers I'm pulling'll fling them into space, even with mag boots.

TSE: Bringing point-defense cannons about.

ESI: It's only three meters across. Sure you can hit that without peeling us open?

SYSTEM WARNING//STRUCTURAL IMPACT

TSE: Kinda have to, Cap'n. Firing.

MURIB: Buset! That thing just took a fifteen-millimeter burst to the chest!

ESI: Again.

TSE: Firing. It's clear!

MURIB: Mostly. Looks like it left a… is that a spear through our bulkhead?

SUNDARESH: Not sure. It's some kind of exotic matter, spitting all my sensor pings back at me, amplified, like a…

ESI: We can figure it out later, dear. Sanchez, how's the ECM?

SANCHEZ: Not great. Whatever they're using to coordinate, it's not electromagnetic. Getting something weird, though.

MURIB: Weirder than the three-meter hitchhiker knocking on the hull?

SANCHEZ: Maybe. You remember those Vex signals you discovered?

SUNDARESH: On occasion, Carlo.

SANCHEZ: There's a big one! Recurring. Coming from the outer system. Think it's a distress signal.

ESI: Ignore it and get me—

SUNDARESH: No! Bring us back around into the moon's shadow!

ESI: Maya!

SUNDARESH: We need to break line of sight. I can feed that Vex signal into that thing skewering us—use it like an amplifier. It might trick these attackers into thinking we're a Vex ship.

MURIB: It's a tightbeam transmission. We'll have to ride it back to the source to keep that up. You sure you want to meet whatever makes a Vex cry for help?

ESI: Enemy of my enemy, Arief. We might just find a safe port in this storm.

Ghost Fragment: Dead Orbit

RECORD 978-ECLIPSE-4165

lo? Hello? Are you...oh, please, let it be alive. Wake up little Ghost, wake up. Just please give me some sign that you're listening.

All right. I don't need...I know you're listening. Why would you be out here if you weren't here to...It's a miracle I found you out here. On this thing.

I didn't know the Traveler sent its Ghosts out this far from home.

Poor little lost thing. Please wake up.

I am an Arach of Dead Orbit. I am the last of the crew of the Sophia. And this place is...it doesn't have a name. We called it A-113.

How long have you been here, little Ghost? Why did you come?

Listen. We came here on behalf of the Fleet. We were scavengers. Sixty-one days ago a Dead Orbit scout detected an unknown presence in stationary orbit about Ceres. 133 west. Looked Golden Age, by the signatures. Human. A small station. No prior records. We -

I suppose we should have disclosed it to the Tower, but we didn't. I didn't. That was my call. We wanted it for ourselves, whatever it was. For the Fleet. If we'd told the Tower, maybe they might have sent a Guardian not of our making instead...Doesn't matter now, does it, little one?

If I ramble it's because I haven't slept in seven days.

Seven point five days ago; that was when the Sophia dropped into the Belt. They saw us at once. We dropped and the alarms went off and that was the end, that was the end right then, but they let us go on for another seven-point-five days, didn't they? The alarms. Hostile scan detected. An Awoken ship had us in its sights, just a couple hundred kilometers away. Like it had been waiting for us. It could have wiped us out of space right then but instead it crippled our engines and our comms and then for days it played with us, like a cat, we limped half-way round the Belt and it was always there...

We abandoned the Sophia one-point-five days ago. We jumped ship for A-113.

I don't know what else to call it. I don't know what it was built for. There are these things, like keyholes. The rangefinders say they go on for thousands of kilometers. The others went inside and found - well, some of them are still screaming about the eye. All the other voices that come back are more terrible.

There's salvage here but it'll never come home, none of it. None of it except maybe you, little Ghost.

Wake up.

Wake up. Go home. Tell them to strike A-113 from the records. Tell them to forget the Sophia, and the mission, and her crew.

END RECORD

Final Warning

My Esteemed Colleagues,

While enjoying my afternoon cup of Psamathe Silver Tip (a gift from Dr. Dewan after his sabbatical—thank you again, dear friend) and ruminating on our planet's orbital corrections and the orbital corrections we ourselves make throughout our own lives, a completely unrelated revelation came to me.

I realized, often in times of rest, how my mind wanders its own furthermost reaches, and how the answers to my most vexing questions present themselves at that time with absolutely no fanfare. (This phenomenon is worth studying in its own right by people much smarter than I, but I digress.) My most recent revelation comes in regard to our current pursuits with Atmospheric Spectrometer #003a, a.k.a. Final Warning, as I have heard it being called around the lab.

The odd capabilities this "Final Warning" harbors have long been suspected by Dr. Sundaresh to be a byproduct of the Veil, replicating energy signatures we most often observe in fluid dynamics. With that in mind, I propose we begin testing the ability to engage that energy using both the Magnus and gyroscopic effects. We attempt to create a "paracausal skipping stone," if you will.

How we accomplish this remains to be seen, but I encourage you to not spend the next few days thinking about it, as we will discuss it at the next staff meeting.

Enjoy your weekends,

Dr. Esi

Let me tell you a secret. If you ever want to see what's been watching you since the very beginning, just stand on that line, and look... up. [KEEP LOOKING. HIGHER|FURTHER|DEEPER. DIVE.]

#trace the vermicular path #follow the daito rabbit #the veil #the vex #clarity control #destiny #destiny the game #destiny 2 #destinythegame #destiny2 #d2 #destiny lore #destiny speculation #pardon the formatting #fancy text editor is not agreeing with me tonight #root of nightmares #throne world #black garden

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bambistan · 11 months

Text

Remember me?

psa: pls ignore the fact that they are literally standing in the middle of a battlefield throughout this and forget what would happen in reality if you stopped moving in the middle of a war. (which is death btw lmaoo)

Background: James was kidnapped by the Dark Lord and tortured so many times he forgot who he was and became a deatheater.

~-~

Storm clouds drited across the sky above them as they fought. Spells were cast and deflected, screams of pain and horror and terror were so loud that they could be heard above the nearing thunder.

James was angry, though he couldn't remember why. He knew something bad happened to him, he wasn't sure who was at fault but it didn't matter anymore. Nothing did.

He was unlike himself, a mere shell of person. An idea that was pulled from the Dark Lords wicked mind and transferred into his own. He only remembers the pain, the suffering. Images of loved ones flash through his mind, their faces scratched out and their voices distorted.

He has all but one purpose; to kill.

He shouted out countless Unforgivables like it was the only words he knew. He didn't care who they were, if they had friends or family. He used to have that too, he knows that, but he's too far gone to worry about them.

The only image stuck in his brain that he's sure of, is this beautiful strange boy. He looks so familiar, yet James can't figure it out.

He cast the killing curse toward an unsuspecting redhead. Unluckily, she dodged it, and James scoffed before moving to throw another.

"Watch your left!" Someone on his side warned. He got a glimpse of pale skin and black hair before he had to turn to his left and defend himself. An unknown feeling rose up in him, it was warm and tingly, but almost painfully so.

He continued fighting anyways, whatever it was didn't matter to him. He was a different person now. He couldn't risk dying to figure out what some stupid feeling meant.

He raised his wand to counter-attack the person who tried to curse him. It's almot laughable to him that these "good" people have cast just as many Unforgivables as him, and he's the bad guy? It's pathetic.

Just as the curse leaves his wand, he hears someone call his name. The voice is familiar, and his head snaps to the direction of it.

There, in all the chaos, stands that same strange boy. His expression is full of shock, his eyes wide and his mouth parted as his bottom lip quivers.

James does not move. He watches the boy watch him as curses narrowly dodge the both of them. The screams seem distant and muffled when the boy takes a step toward him.

His first instinct is to raise his wand, but his movement stops half way when he sees the other boy drop his.

It's started to rain now. Enough to drench everyone but not enough to wipe the blood from his hands. He doesn't know why, but he feels guilty, like a child being scolded by their mother.

"James," he says again. Questions flood his mind as he wonders who this person standing in front of him is. He is as familiar as James' own refletion, but just as unrecognisable as it.

He takes another step, James sees his legs shaking and growing weak. The need to pick him up and tell him he'll never have to walk again arises in James' chest, but he pushes the feeling away.

Although he is still steps away from James, he lifts his hand like he's cupping his face from a distance. Then he speaks.

"Oh, my love," his face turns pained, "What have they done to you," he whispers, and the question isn't a question. Because he can see what James has become, he can see the monster hiding beneath his skin and impersonating him. And that thought annoys James so much that he curses someone. They might've been on his side, or the other, but it doesn't matter, as long it keeps his emotions at bay, it's worth it.

When his eyes meet the other boys again, he looks hurt, as if James had cursed him instead of who he actually did. He has to forciby stop himself from hurting the boy out of spite.

"Who are you?" James spits out, anger rising in his chest for no reason.

He doesn't speak, he only continues staring with that some hurt face. It hurts James to see him this way, and he immediately softens his expression.

"Jamie," He takes a few steps closer and James flinches back. He's scared of his past, he hates who he is now but he knows he can't change. If this person was a friend or family, James doesn't think he could handle the pain. He's so tired of feeling the pain.

"Jamie," He whispers again, and the words flow from his mouth straight into James' ears, and for once, James is safe. He closes his eyes and lets himself feel.

He feels warm, from the tips of his toes to the ends of his hair, and he feels . . . He feels someone touch him, they gently caress his cheek. The feeling spreads like wildfire in the forest that is his body. He sees colours dance in the darkness of his eyelids and when he opens them everything stills. And he looks at the boy in front of him, they boy whose water-coloured eyes ignite him with his stare.

And he remembers.

He remembers this boy - Regulus. He remembers the late night talks in the astronomy tower. He remembers drunkenly dancing with him in the Slytherin common room.

He remembers how miserable their first date in Hogsmeade was, because James had dragged the poor boy to Zonkos, but all was forgiven when he took him to the bookstore just down the street.

He remembers laughing while rolling around in his bed with him and he-

"Regulus?" he whispers in disbelief. Holding the hand that holds his face so gently.

"Remember me, love?" Regulus laughs sadly, but in James' opinion, the sound could top angels singing.

"Yeah," James laughs to as tears brim in his eyes. "Yeah," he repeats falling forward into the arms of his was, is and always will be lover.

And he forgets the pain, the anger and the hate. Because none of it matters anymore. He has Regulus, and for now, that's all he needs.

#phew this was..... something #I just had a tiny little idea which sprouted into this so i really do hope you like it #james potter #regulus black #jegulus #also my 'w' key is very broken so if theres any missing letters its probably a stupid 'w'

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ncji · 2 years

Text

[ This got long too. :| ]

[ Me: The first chapter should be done tomorrow.

My Body: This seems like a good time to start bleeding!

Also, last night, I had to purge that NejiGaa idea because I really wanted to tell y'all about a far less socially acceptable idea and my period-polluted brain didn't want to scare off my new followers. :| I just had to write something close to scratch that itch.

It started as an idea about Neji running away as a genin and hiding in another hidden village. He's a damn good shinobi, though, so he trains in a modified gentle fist technique. It does the same thing, uses chakra to attack tenketsu, but it doesn't look like the gentle fist. You know what I mean? Neji does this so he can continue to work as a shinobi in the new village.

A few years later, like Shippuuden era when he's supposed to be a pretty little passive bitch boy (I promise I love him with all my heart), he's a bangin' resident badass with a reputation for having a bark as deadly as his bite. He's comfortable in his new life, and he feels safe because he doesn't have to be around the people who hold the detonators for the bomb on his forehead. Anyway, the whole pretending to be blind thing and going by a different name still apply. I'm not writing a story, though, I'm telling you my idea, so I'mma use Neji.

His village considers him one of the best among them, so they use him when the village's reputation is on the line, like when the Hyuuga clan leader is travelling through the territory and believes he and his caravan are being stalked. Neji reads the mission and tries to think of any reason to NOPE OUT, but it's going to look so good on his record. Hard choice, but he accepts it.

When he and his team meet with Hiashi and the others, mostly Hyuuga, he stays quiet and lets his teammates do the talking. He wears a half-mask. Uh...

Something like that, but more like...you know, Naruto-themed. It's bird-themed, of course, but it does not cover the mouth. Underneath is a white blindfold that he can see through, but others cannot see his eyes through. It also covers his forehead for if his mask is removed. His hair is tied up in a high ponytail, save for the pieces that frame his face, and it's only been cut to keep it above his waist. Boy keeps it long and strong. It's basically not what you would expect to see on Neji, so Hiashi doesn't recognize him.

Hiashi does, however, become suspicious of him, because Neji is obviously avoiding him. It's not just the detachment temporary guards show. He's actively keeping the most distance he can between them.

Hiashi stops that by purposely walking at his side. Much to Neji's annoyance. Gauging his reaction, Hiashi starts a conversation. Neji can't alter his voice, because his teammates will call him out, so he answers normally. Luckily, his voice has changed a bit since childhood. Hiashi doesn't recognize it.

At least he doesn't consciously recognize it. Subconsciously, his entire being is reaching out for this young man because it knows who he is. His figure is appealing to him (familiar). His scent is pleasant, lovely even (familiar). His voice is smooth and soothing (familiar). Everything about him is so alluring. It's like his soul yearns for him. Hiashi misinterprets his feelings as love at first three senses. Neji is blissfully unaware.

They all journey together for the day without a sign of this stalker Hiashi is sure is out there. The whole time, Hiashi is holding a conversation with the lovely jounin. Neji has grown to enjoy it because Hiashi has a lot to say about his daughters, which Neji misses! Hiashi interprets his interest in the topic as Neji being a family man. Perfect for him! When he asks Neji about his family, Neji tells him he lost the last member of his family when he was a child, so he doesn't remember what it's like to have a family. Hiashi rests his hand on his shoulder and tells him he deserves to know that love again. The gesture is actually pretty nice to Neji, comforting, even though he does feel a little bitter about it, considering the subject.

Night falls, and the group makes camp. They build a fire, they eat, and the local nin set up a rotation to be lookouts. Neji is excluded, despite his protests, because the team believes he's blind. (EVEN IF HE WAS, HE CAN STILL HEAR, YA DICKS!) He's actually assigned to stay close to Hiashi to guard him. Dun dun DUN!

Hiashi is a perfect gentleman. He and Neji sleep through the night.

When morning breaks, though, Neji wakes up to a certain problem. He's only on the cusp of adulthood, ok? He can't help it. Now, he's perfectly fine with closing his eyes and thinking of something disgusting to will it away, but, before he can find a thought repulsive enough, he feels the brush of knuckles against his hip and hears a quiet offer in his ear. "I can help you with that."

Neji's eyes go wide as saucers. He's shocked, but all Hiashi hears is quickened breaths and no protest. The handjob happens without a peep from Neji. Part of him is just too shocked to react, while another part of him is getting some sort of emotional fulfillment from it. Hiashi always seemed so cold or hostile towards him. But, now, he's hot for him! He clearly likes him now! When he cums, Hiashi muffles his whimper with a kiss, then cleans up the mess with his tongue. The Hyuuga head then leaves Neji in the tent to pull himself together.

Neji in the tent: Oh gods, what did I just do? Slap a seal on his forehead, and that man is my father! THEY'RE IDENTICAL TWINS! Oh gods, that was a worse idea than when I considered genocide. I CONSIDERED KILLING THAT MAN, I HATED HIM SO MUCH! What am I going to do? I can't face him again!...Can I? I mean, that wasn't bad...and it was kind of satisfying to have him serving me for once...WHAT AM I THINKING!? FATHER, YOU BETTER NOT BE WATCHING ME RIGHT NOW! If you are, send a bear to put me out of my misery!

When he emerges from the tent, he seems totally calm and normal. Pfft.

The caravan reforms and they continue on their way. Hiashi's kind of adorable, sneaking these little touches to Neji's hand and resting his hand on his lower back to urge him ahead when their path narrows. Like, he's seriously a cute gentleman. Neji doesn't know how to react other than shyly nibbling his own lip like a bashful bean.

Halfway through the next day, there's some sus activity. The Hyuuga activate their byakugan, while the others are on high alert. Neji "listens", meaning he activates his byakugan when he thinks he'll be able to see something (his mask and hair cover the physical effects). All the rest see are animals. Neji is the one that catches the enemy under their feet. The other Hyuuga weren't aware to look there because they're not familiar with the tactics of the nin in the area. The enemy was using scouting animals you would find along their route, so the Konoha nin noticed they were being followed, but they didn't realize it wasn't by the enemy--You get the idea. Animals follow above ground and alert to their position. People follow below. Neji shouts the location, claims he feels tremors, and the enemies expose themselves.

A fight ensues! Hiashi is amazed by the fluidity of his crush's movements. So smooth. Superior to other techniques, but not the gentle fist of course. Neji is in awe of how powerful Hiashi is. How is the bastard that powerful? He hasn't seen battle in ages! Neji wants to know his secrets!

Good guys win. Nobody is seriously injured. All is well. The local shinobi take a hostage to barter with in case there's another wave and continue to escort Hiashi's group to the edge of their land.

Night comes again, and so does Neji. Twice. Underneath Hiashi and at the mercy of his masterfully gyrating hips. Hiashi urges him to come with him through the pleasure. He tells him he'll give him a family, a home full of love. He promises him a large home, he tells him he'll live like royalty. He wants to be this twink's sugar daddy!

When Neji moans, "Yes!" to it all, Hiashi assumes the obvious, but Neji is just like, 'Yes, offer me everything I deserve! Acknowledge all of it should be mine! Finally, you're telling me I'm worth everything your clan has to offer!' They kiss and cuddle after, Hiashi thinking he has a new spouse and Neji satisfied spiritually.

When they get to the edge of the land, Hiashi is disappointed to hear that Neji will not be coming with him. In front of everyone, he declares his love and tells him he'll return for him.

He does. Days later, Hiashi walks right into the village to find his hot young bae. When he does, he proposes to him and asks him to accompany him back to Konoha. Neji rejects him, but he does offer to walk him to the edge of the land, back towards Konoha.

Something from the past has been working its way to the surface for Neji, something dark, and he indulges it. He asks the others to walk ahead while he and Hiashi spend their last moments together alone. It's romantic. Hiashi ensures it is, and so does Neji. They talk, they make love frequently, and Neji gives Hiashi little bits of hope here and there that they can be together.

When they reach the end of their journey together, hands linked together between them, Neji turns to Hiashi and tells him he'll have to make the rest of the journey back to Konoha alone. Hiashi is hurt. He makes his offers again, essentially telling him he's willing to give him everything. Neji kisses him passionately, really gives him one to remember, you know?

Then, he pulls his mask and blindfold off, exposing his face to Hiashi as his mouth twists into a cruel little smirk. "It's too late to offer me what I deserve now, uncle." He watches as Hiashi, shocked, stumbles back at the sight of what he recognizes as his missing nephew. "And don't think about activating my seal. I left a note at my home exposing our dirty little secret. As long as I make it home to burn it, no one will ever know~."

"You--Neji..." Utter disbelief. "I didn't know, but you...Neji, you knew..."

"I did know, but I wasn't the one who made the first move."

Hiashi feels sick. He won't make it back to Konoha before he throws up, but he can stand it long enough to show Neji the horror on his face. "Why?"

"I liked hearing you promise me everything a branch house Hyuuga is never supposed to have, everything I deserved." He closes the distance between them. "I also like that thing you do with your hips, when you're driving yourself in deep and you lift your hips--"

Hiashi pushes him away. "You're sick!"

Neji chuckles. "What, I don't deserve a family anymore? I don't deserve your home? I don't deserve to be treated like royalty? I don't deserve love? I'm not the one who screwed my eighteen-year-old nephew! I just succumbed to my desperate need for a father figure," he taunts. "At least that's how the world will see it outside of your brainwashed bunch."

There's a ringing in Hiashi's ears. It doesn't feel real. It has to be some horrible nightmare!

"So I suggest you keep my location a secret and stay far away from me."

"Is that why you did all of this? So you could blackmail me? So I couldn't take you home?"

Again, Neji laughs. "No, Hiashi. You put your hands on me! I told you why I never stopped you. I kept it going these past couple of days because I wanted this moment. I wanted to see your face when you realized your dear loving Sora was your nephew all along. I want you to go home and see my face every time the blood flows into your dick. I want you to look at the old pictures of me and see me red-faced and gasping underneath you. I want you to feel the guilt of fucking me every time you pray to my father! But, most of all, uncle--" he tells him softly, that tone he used when they were trying to be quiet in the tent alone together. Neji cups his face gently, his body arched against him. "I want you to remember how much you loved me." With that, he gives his uncle one last hot kiss and shoves him away.

Hiashi goes into full-blown panic as Neji walks away, clutching his aching chest and trying to calm his breathing. He can't believe what just happened. He can't believe he did what he did to Neji. Neji is right. He'll never be able to speak to Hizashi's spirit again.

Months later, Neji is writing up his last mission report when he hears a knock at the door. He opens it to find a hooded man. It's Hiashi. Incognito. He narrows his eyes. "What are you doing here?"

Hiashi pushes him back into the home and shuts the door behind him. "You said you like that thing I do with my hips." He then crushes their lips together.

Neji, taken aback, doesn't fight him. In fact, he goes along with him when Hiashi starts to undress him. They have sex. It's rougher than the previous times to work out some aggression they feel towards one another, but it's not really a hatefuck. Neji, when they're lying together in the afterglow has to ask, "Why?"

Hiashi just sighs up at the ceiling. "You got what you wanted, didn't you? I can't forget how much I loved you, how much I...love you..." ]

#HiaNeji #[ That's Hia as in HIASHI. Don't like? Don't read. ]#outofthecage ( ooc )

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thistle-spores · 6 months

Text

Some rambling thoughts on the Shadowlands

(contains discussion of Jaheira and Halsin's deaths)

*Please note that this is my first time really doing the Shadowlands and I'm going into it mostly blind (I do know some major plot stuff, but their locations and how those quests play out I'm not familiar with)

So Standev keeps failing at things and this is definitely because I'm unprepared for the fights, especially the swarming group fights with npcs to protect. That being said it does really add to the ambience of the Shadowlands, and I do think that playing as a Durge has made this even more interesting.

Standev has been very successful so far at overcoming the urges and striking a "balance" between the need to kill on the adventure and trying to only do it for good and productive purposes. But suddenly at the Last Light Inn when they try and do the same thing again, they fail. Isobel was felled running away from one of her attackers before Shadowheart could heal her. Jaheira panicked and cast an ice storm too close, taking out Shadowheart and injuring herself badly. Gale, Shadowheart and Standev died, only able to continue the adventure because Karlach ran around the back of the Inn to escape and got Withers to resurrect everyone. And so Jaheira is dead. Dammon is dead (though we did get Karlach's upgrade first, thank fuck). Everyone is dead.

Poking around Last Light Inn the group found Art Cullagh's corpse and figured out where to find Thaniel. Queue Halsin wanting to enter Shadowfell to find him and well...... he died too. So the Shadow Curse can't be lifted (as far as I'm aware).

These were an interesting series of events as Standev was technically doing everything "right" and "good," but they still failed and the world continued to get worse. They can control their urge, yet good and important people continue to die. Sometimes by their hand!

After the slaughter of Last Light Inn there is some Durge specific dialogue. I only picked 2 of the 4 options because some of them really didn't make sense for Standev (Wyll and Karlach's). I think it's interesting how the dialogue doesn't consider that the Durge just,,, failed to save the Inn. That being said it was very interesting that neither Shadowheart nor Gale lost approval for choosing the dialogue.

Also I don't know if this is part of the game or a glitch, but Standev in addition to Shadowheart was unaffected by the general Shadow Curse. Bhaal and Shar's influence feels very strong. Especially since both Shadowheart and Standev had bad reactions to the blessing of Selune.

Speaking of Shar. I think before the Shadowlands Standev was actually very curious about Shar? The endless night and numbing embrace that Shadowheart talks about is very tempting and comforting to Standev who alternates wildly between murderous urges and ecstasy, and psionic neutrality and deep emptiness/hunger. But then they get to the Shadowlands which seem to be taking away everything they've worked towards. They start questioning what Shadowheart says about the goddess, start doubting how Shar treats her (she has died twice). It's definitely leading up to Standev trying to turn Shadowheart away from Shar.

And on a final note on gods. Standev and crew all had Lathander's blessing (or whatever it's called) when going in to the Shadowlands and it definitely helped when saving the Harpers. So I think there's probably some incentive to go back and get Lathander's blood, since saving the Harpers was the only thing to go right so far, and especially since there's now no way to lift the Shadow Curse. Because Standev was definitely going to leave it and the creche alone (they did not recruit Lae'zel).

Anyways, ramble over I can't wait to see where this shitshow goes next.

(Also can we just pour one out for Karlach. She finally can touch people again only for Mizora to show up that night and then all the bullshit mentioned above rip).

#the bard urge #bg3 spoilers #honour mode is an interesting way to experience durge for the first time

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companionwolf · 1 year

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pride month drabble challenge fill #10

prompts: 25. Questioning/Discovery + 16. Tomorrow + 15. "How do I know you're real?"

fandom: techincally XCOM: Enemy Within but really XCOM 2 (gen verse)

TWs/CWs: implied torture, memory loss, loss of sense of self

The Commander knows there's something up when they meet Central, even here, stifled by professionalism and fear. They know it by their pulse jumping, in their mouth drying, in the weird feeling in their stomach.

At night, they lie in their small room, staring up at the ceiling, and they wonder.

(He feels familiar, somehow.)

On bad days, the Commander wants to hide away and curl into him, bury their face in his neck, but that's not allowed. So they duck into a bathroom instead and try to compose themselves, eyes squeezed shut, imagining they're home.

(They aren't going home.)

The Commander learns about him-- and it's weird how sometimes hunches they had about things, even really specific things, turn out right. Where he went to college, his favorite drink, his actual name.

They wonder about what he might say if they ask for what they want. Do they want that? What does it make them? The Commander isn't sure, but there's time to learn.

Maybe just not here. Not with him, anyway. God, they think, that hurts for some reason. Like a mourning, like grief.

When the base is attacked, fire and sirens and staffers brawling each under inexplicably, the Commander half except to find Central dead, to lose the base entirely. They don't know why.

But the Hologlobe returns to life, and their senior staff are near them, and they've made it through the darkest hour.

They hope so, at least.

That night, like every night now, the Commander lies in bed and stares at the ceiling and wonders. They don't get very far into their reverie, though, because there's a knock at their door. They hesitantly peer out at --

"Uh, hey, Commander," says Central.

They pull him into the room by his arm and then into a hug. He's a little stiff and unsure, but they don't let go.

(In their mind's eye, they see his corpse and their body shakes.)

When they finally let go, step back, Central is flush about the ears. "I wanted to check on you," he manages to say. "After everything today..."

"I'm glad you did," they answer. "C'mon, sit."

He takes a hesitant seat at their desk, they sit on the end of their bed. For a while they just exist in silence, and then the Commander asks, "What will you do, when it's over?"

Central looks thoughtful. "It's hard to imagine that," he says.

It won't happen, says some dark part of them. You're here forever, running in circles.

"Try," the Commander says.

Central closes his eyes. "I'd like to move out into the country," he says. "My folks have a farm; maybe take it over when they're gone..."

He goes on, telling them about growing up there, how it was an escape of sorts from bad parents, the summer nights, and slow living.

They listen intently, imagining. They want to ask if they could come with him. They hold their tongue instead. There will be no after XCOM for them. No need to...

To what? Get his hopes up? Get their hopes up? He probably doesn't even swing their way. They...

As they listen, the Commander realizes they do. They do like him, like that. It doesn't matter because they can't be a thing, but they know now. They guess that's important to be able to know.

(The realization never sticks.)

In the in-between, when there is only pain and pain and pain and pain, but before everything is wiped clean again, the Commander remembers the truth, swears this time they'll hold on to it.

(They say that everytime.)

Slowly, they lose more, but they don't realize it. They can't, not while under, and when out they have no time to.

Their world bleaches white, no past, no self, until eventually there is nothing of who they were left. All of it dripping away through pale shaking fingers

There is only who they are.

And then that is taken too.

All that remains is a title, a purpose, a sense of foreboding, a determination.

(I am the Commander.)

It is near the end. They lie with Central, breathing softly into the pitch dark. They've found a Volunteer. The Gollop Chamber is done tomorrow.

They look at their XO, watch his body rise and fall with each breath and they ask, so quietly, "How do I know you're real?"

There come no answer other than Central mumbling incoherent in his sleep.

The Commander's head aches, the pain increasing as they try to think a little more about their question, try to wonder why they even asked, until--

What were they thinking about? They don't remember.

It's okay.

(It isn't.)

#wolf barking #tailstrokes #hello commander #pride month drabble challenge #sorry this one isnt as good imo

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painintopurpose · 1 year

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What I wish I knew before leaving a narcissist

I met and married my husband when I was 20 years old. At the time, I had no idea I was marrying an abusive man. I didn't realize it until at least five years into our marriage. As ridiculous as that sounds, it's true.

Society today recognizes abuse as only physical. That's what I used to believe anyway. Since my husband never hit me I would have never thought I was being abused.

At first I struggled to say it. I was embarrassed. I learned that what I was experiencing was abuse, but I couldn't quite understand how. It took a couple of years before I could confidently say that I was being abused.

Before I go on, let's become a little more familiar with the word, abuse.

verb/əˈbyo͞oz/

use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse.

treat (a person or an animal) with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly.

noun/əˈbyo͞os/

the improper use of something."alcohol abuse"Similar:misusemisapplicationmisemploymentmishandlingexploitationperversion

cruel and violent treatment of a person or animal."a black eye and other signs of physical abuse"

As it turns out, there's a whole world of abuse out there and violence is only the tip of the iceberg. It's been argued that emotional abuse can be worst than physical abuse, and after experiencing both, I absolutely agree. Physical abuse was obvious. It's scary, painful, and cruel. When I was being abused emotionally, I didn't recognize I was being abused, and that's what makes it so dangerous.

For years I thought I was going crazy. My anxiety was through the roof! I started having panic attacks and my emotions were out of control. Life was overwhelming to me. I went into counseling and to several different psychiatrists, desperate for help, but I never found relief. I felt like a failure as a wife and a mother and I couldn't understand why.

After years of searching for answers and seeking help I finally discovered the world of narcissistic abuse and right away everything made sense! Everything clicked in an instant but soon after I went into denial. My husband was my best friend and together, we built a life. In fact, I had no life outside of him. I devoted my life to building our family. I wasn't ready to admit I was being abused, I didn't want to believe it, but once you learn about it you can't go back to being ignorant. You start to see it in every part of your life and eventually it becomes overwhelmingly obvious. You start to watch and notice things you never noticed before.

I would catch him unlocking the truck after I locked it then later yelling at me for forgetting to lock the door and blaming me for any potential damage that could have caused. I started to pay more attention to my actions and noticed that he would hide things I put down and deny ever seeing it in the first place. It was gut wrenching because I thought about all the years I've spent with this man. How many times has he done this to me? He convinced the entire time that I was losing my mind and I believe him. I took the blame for everything. I hated myself. I felt like a terrible wife and a bad mother but it turns out that he was the master pulling the strings the entire time.

I didn't want to leave for several reasons. First and foremost, I did love this man, even if he didn't know how to love me in return. Second, we built a life together. I put everything into that life, I couldn't imagine starting from scratch. Third, I was all his. I lost touch with friends and family, (which is an intentional abuse tactic), and didn't know anything outside of him and our life together. The world outside terrified me!

I eventually accepted that what I was experiencing was abuse, but I tried to find a way around it. I tried to convince myself that the abuse isn't so bad, or that maybe if I talk to him about it he'd be willing to change. How foolish and naive, but I just didn't want to lose everything and everyone I knew and loved so much! I didn't want to lose my entire life. I tried to study as much as I could on the abuse I was experiencing because I thought if I knew enough, I would know how to navigate around it. After a couple more years of trial and error I finally had to accept reality. I was in an abusive relationship, and it's impossible to deny it. He won't change and there's a strong chance that since I was now aware of the abuse, he would discard me. I couldn't stand the thought! Come to think of it, he discarded the mother of his boys when he met me. It was textbook. When they lose interest in you or when you figure them out, they keep you around until they find someone else to take your place and with the snap of a finger you're tossed out of their life and replaced right away.

I eventually had to accept that my only option was to leave. It was terrifying, but the alternative scared me more. So I had to come up with a plan - and I did - and that's why I'm writing this today. In 2019 I made a plan to leave then left. Today, in 2023, I am currently living in a homeless shelter and I've lost everything including custody of my one and only child. The past four years have been horrifying, worst than I ever imagined. I find myself longing for a second chance because if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't be coming to you from a computer at a homeless shelter.

Let's get into it - things I wish I knew before leaving a narcissist;

It's not all their fault. This one feels harsh but hear me out because I feel that without understanding this, you'll be stuck with a victim mentality and that's a dangerous place to be. Here's why - Victim mentality is when you believe you have no control over things that happen to you. People who have a victim mentality have often suffered through trauma or hard times, but haven't developed a healthier way to cope. As a result, they develop a negative view of life, where they feel that they don't have any control over what happens to them. I've been trapped in a victim mindset and it caused so much damage in my life. It set me back tremendously in my healing journey. It's so destructive and will waste so much of your precious time, trust me on this one! Before you take any step forward it's vital that you understand this concept so you don't fall into the trap of victim mentality. So, step one, understand your part in the relationship and take responsibility for it. DON'T BLAME YOURSELF! I can't stress that enough. You're not at fault. By taking responsibility for your role you're able to better understand why everything happened the way it did, what you need to do for personal growth, and it will help you to better understand them. It all starts with you. Taking responsibility for your life is one of the most empowering moves you can make!

People won't get it. The concept of emotional abuse is a fairly new concept. Most people aren't aware it exists. We still have a long way to go to bring awareness to our society. On top of that, it's designed to be subtle and difficult to recognize. Without any knowledge that it exists, people won't be able to spot it when it's happening. Think about it, how long did it take before you realized you were being abused? It's very complex and there's not enough awareness for people to recognize it. So don't jump out there expecting support, like I did, because you most likely won't have any. The courts aren't up to date and neither are many mental health professionals. I used to find myself wishing that my husband would hit me just one time so that I have proof of abuse and I would believe it myself. You get hit one time and there's a world of resources at your fingertips but a psychological abuser knows that and that's exactly why they don't lay their hands on you.

Your reputation has most likely already been damaged. A smear campaign is repeated uses of smears in an attempt to try to damage someone's reputation. Long before you realized you were being abused your abuser has most likely been behind the scenes telling your family and friends that you're the one with the problem. You may think that there's no way my family would believe those lies but here's the kicker - they don't run to your families and friends saying that you're the bad guy. Instead they say that they're concerned about you because you're acting different. They act like a person who's concerned about you, but at they same time they are spreading lies and rumors about you. They've also probably already filmed or recorded you blowing up at them after they pushed you over the edge. Of course their abuse isn't recorded, but your reaction is, and that's all anyone ever gets to see.

You most likely have brain damage. Neuroscientists have discovered that long-term narcissistic abuse can lead to actual physical brain damage. This damage can cause problems with memory, focus, and concentration. It can also lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.

Without evidence, you'll get nowhere. Yet getting evidence of abuse that's invisible, from an abuser who's extremely hyper vigilant, after learning that what you're experiencing is abuse, while grieving your entire life, seems nearly impossible and sometimes, it is! If you can figure out was to start collecting evidence as soon as possible without them knowing, start immediately! You will never have too much. And be aware that they are constantly collecting evidence against you, even if you're not doing anything wrong. They way they flip the script and manipulate situations makes it easy to convince the audience that you're the bad guy.

You're going to most likely lose everything you've ever worked for and will have to start from scratch.

You must grieve! Grieve the relationship you thought you had. Grieve the love you lost. Grieve the life that you built on all those lies. Grieve your lost hopes and dreams for your future. Don't run from it, don't hide, don't avoid it - let it run its course. It's going to be horrifying and painful and you'll want to run but don't because the grieving process has to happen regardless and it will eventually catch up with you.

For now this is all I have time for, but if anything else comes to mind I'll try to include it as soon as possible. When all is said and done I'm not going to lie, this will probably be the hardest thing you've ever had to go through and you will probably never be fully prepared. However, it's possible and if you keep going you will survive! If you find yourself confused or alone I hope you will reach out to me because I completely understand how overwhelming, confusing, terrifying, and lonely all of this can be.

#narcissistic ex #post separation abuse #advice #narc #help leaving abusive relationship

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victoria1676 · 2 years

Text

Secret Garden (Self Aware Genshin Impact X Reader) Prologue: How Are You?

Summary: No matter how many times I die I still couldn't erase the pain. Yet whenever I touch these flowers…I knew that my death will come.

So, please…

Let me spend time with you a little longer until I die?

Fandom: Genshin Impact

Au: SAGAU (Self Aware Genshin Impact Alternate Universe) Imposter AU

WARNINGS: THIS STORY WILL CONTAIN ANGST, VIOLENCE, SLIGHT GORE, MENTIONS OF SUICIDES, MENTIONS OF ABUSE, OBSESSION, SLIGHT YANDERE, CHARACTERS BEING OOC SINCE THIS IS A IMPOSTOR OR VILLAIN AU YOU MIGHT NOT LIKE IT THAT YOUR CHARACTER IS NOT FORGIVEN BY READER. PLEASE NO ATTACKING THIS STORY BECAUSE READER IS NOT FORGIVING THEM! I MADE THIS STORY JUST FOR FUN AND FOR YOU GUYS TO ENJOY! THERE IS ALSO A TWIST OF THIS STORY!

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Hello I finally made the prologue and I really hope you enjoy it! I was inspired by many SAGAU writers and I hope you will like mine. I have been rusty in writing since I haven't been writing a full story due to being busy and suddenly not wanting to finish. These story won't be long but I won't say it's gonna be short ^^

This story will contain a lot of things if you read my warnings and yes some characters will be very OOC along with someone them getting bashed? Well not bashed but not getting their forgiveness forgiven by the reader. So, please don't attack me when I only made this story for fun and stated this story will be full of angst and comfort. It's unconfirmed if this story will have a happy ending so if you feel uncomfortable reading this and feel really hurt then please don't read for the sake of yourself.

This chapter will not make sense a bit but I did that on purpose 😂😂 also this chapter will be focused on Kaeya cause he is my main and first person who I fell in love with so Kaeya fans and simp enjoy this chapter!!

Forgive me if I'm being biased on him but this is just the prologue and you will see more of reader’s relationship with the other characters and yes this might might show a bit Kaeya x reader but you can't blame me for loving this man XD

But anyways I hope you enjoy this story ^^

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[Prologue: How are you?]

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"Kaeya there you are!"

He smiled as he saw his God smiling at him that sent him familiar butterflies yet it also made his heart clenched but decided to ignore it.

"I'm here your Grace as I promised" He said as he sat down in front of you.

You gave him a smile as he sat down in front of you.

"I got you some flowers unfortunately it isn't your (f/f) ones" He said as he placed the pink and red carnations in front of you which made you smile even more, "Traveler and their sibling said that your favorite flowers aren't ready to be to given to you and I'm sure you don't mind it."

You shook your head as your smile stayed the same.

Kaeya chuckled as the area where he and his God are in a beautiful golden field that held different types of flowers and different colored trees along with birds and animals moving around the place. He looked at the scenery with a soft sigh before looking at you.

“We were able to fulfill your wish in finally rebuilding new Khaenri'ah and I…accepted my role of being the Prince-no King of my bloodline” He said, "The former Princess of the Abyss has decided to go back to our dear Traveler and both are making sure none of the nations ever find us or you.”

“The Archons are still demanding us to tell them your whereabouts until now but Teyvat's presence decided to awake and throw them away from your true acolytes knowing they are sick and tired of trying to get you to forgive them when you did announce you wouldn't forgive them anymore”

He could see your eyes soften sometimes whenever he tells you how Teyvat started to awake again just to protect you.

“The twins would visit our world sometimes as the Unknown God disappeared along with Celestia ever since you…fell asleep...The Dendro, Pryo and Hydro Archons decided to make an alliance with us after they heard what happened. Nonetheless it's unknown what they did with the three nations that killed you many times”

“The rest of the Acolytes are in the Khaenri'ah and Tsarsita has also decided to stabilize an alliance as her people do sometimes visit Khemia and I heard from Traveler that Childe seemed to have an interest with his sister after he fought with her which was such a sight to laugh at seeing the composed friendly mysterious traveler become an angry brother seeing his sister getting flirted By our ginger fatui” He said chuckling remembering the sight of Paimon trying to hold back Aether with XiangLing, “Hell even Dainsleif who isn't the type to get mad at things other than about the Archons is now wanting to kill Childe after seeing him flirting with Lumine”

You started laughing hearing that and he laughs as well remembering Dainsleif being held back by the Abyss order.

Oh how things became chaotic so easily behind your back.

Or it used to be chaotic.

He let out a small grimace smile, “Did you know? My dear brother has decided to side with us and took his punishment well for not helping and chasing after you being the so called impostor has now become one of us”

“To think the esteemed Dark Knight Hero of Mondstadt and the uncrowned king has finally sided with us by abandoning the nation he swore to protect only It's a shame he didn't do it earlier” his voice went lower looking at you.

You didn't say anything as the winds breeze slowly as Kaeya pulled out your favorite flower that seemed to still have not died or withered yet it is blooming even if it's in your hands.

“…We missed you your gra-no…we missed you (Y/n)” His voice cracked while twirling your favorite flower.

“It's okay Kaeya! I miss you as well” You said.

Yet why couldn't he hear it.

“We promised to wait for you to come back yet.…It's not enough that you aren't here smiling so brightly despite you said that you will come back because we are the ones who showed you kindness”

He remembered meeting you and failing to protect us. The flowers began to grow until they covered your beautiful eyes. He was remembered for being such a failure and drinking himself to death at times yet he stopped knowing he made you cry after seeing him drink a lot of his sorrows. He told you it wasn't your fault yet at the same time he couldn't stop you blaming yourself.

“You used cry a lot due to the trauma of…dying a lot as Aether, Dainsleif, Albedo and I were the only ones you would seek comfort not wanting the kids to see you crying” He said letting out a low yet sad chuckle feeling his shoulders shake a bit along with his heart clenching a lot.

“It isn't your fault you know. Please don't be sad for me”

But he has to be sad as one of your beloved creations and the person you made stronger in their journey with the traveler. He couldn't help but be sad for your condition knowing it was futile to break the curse of the flowers killing your body and soul thanks to the stupidity of the three nations.

If they just realized sooner than you could have been here in Teyvat a little longer.

And to him as well.

He wish to hear your voice and laughter as he dance with you in the halls of Khaenri'ah' as he can see you smiling brightly despite he wished to see your eyes and kiss them just like you kiss his eyes that is behind his eye patch and you still love it despite you babbled saying spoiler seeing it made me laugh at you.

But now

He feels empty.

🎶I said🎶

🎶Oh Mary, contrary, how does your garden grow?🎶

🎶Stay with me, I can't see anywhere that we could go.🎶

“Your grace why?”

“Hmm?” You looked at him as you continued to hug Guoba.

“I sometimes wonder why you smile despite your gonna die (Y/n)?” Kaeya said this time saying your name instead of your title that you never wished to have but try to get used to it as he gave you a piece of his favorite snack and also gave one to Guoba who is very happy to have a piece.

You hummed softly before saying, “I have to be positive sometimes that I can still be with you guys a little longer despite the current situation”

Then Kaeya asked another question, “Despite your not forgiving some of the traitors why do you still care for them secretly?”

🎶Their answer, was laughter, 🎶

That made you laugh as Kaeya watched with his eyebrow raised, “Good question…I would say I won't forgive them and there are times I can't help but show them how much I hate them but ignoring them and reminding them of their faults.”

🎶as darkness swallowed them up🎶

“I sense a but there”

You chuckled as you down at Guoba who was eating happily.

🎶One more time, I'll be fine,🎶

“Sometimes kindness is enough”

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“Kaeya…are you…here?” You called out slowly and softly while breathing heavily.

He cradled you as his arm shook and trembled as he could feel himself choking and heart clenching in pain.

DdontleavemeDdontleavemeDdontleaveme

“Kae…ya?”

“I'm here! I'm here (Y/n)” He shouted with desperation.

Oh Mary, contrary, how does your garden grow?

He knows the others are coming after he told one of the Abyss mages to call them over.

You smiled slowly and tried to raise your arm but it was shaking so he held your hand and put it on his cheek as tears began to fall.

“Please…don't…cry…Kaeya” You rubbed his cheeks as Kaeya tried not to sob while clutching your hand as he cradled it against his cheek.

Don't leave me, please don't be the seventh maid in a row.

“Stay alive a little longer please” He shouted in desperation, “We can still try to break this curse!”

You couldn't respond as your breathing became heavy as your final words made his world frozen with his eyes widened hearing them.

My answer, a whisper, soft as he lowered his head

“_______”

Did she just-

Then her hand became cold.

🎶Set them free.🎶

“Why do you like him” He heard your friend asking you when you made the decision to start maining him first.

“I love him because he is a character who deserves to be loved as Person. Not as Cavalry Captain who drinks away, Not as Diluc's adopted brother and also not as Khaenri'ah's last hope but I love him who he really is as a person”

With those words made Kaeya's heart flutter as you used his burst.

He didn't deserve to be loved by you. He hated you from the start for making him and his companions as puppets for your amusement. He hated the others loving and worshipping you.

And yet

He can't help that he was lucky.

You got the Traveler, The Outrider or Lisa as your start team but

You chose him.

You leveled him up first before Traveler and the others!

“Let's show them how powerful you are Kaeya!”

🎶I'm sorry🎶

So in return he will love you as you love him.

“If I ever met him I would tell him that he deserves to be happy as a person!”

🎶This flower's already dead…🎶

Thank you your grace.

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“I love you Kaeya Alberich…”

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So I finally posted the prologue hallelujah! So sorry for not posting it sooner or earlier I was so busy with school and in real life TwT but yeah this is my first time posting a story here in tumblr and yes I'm very familiar writing stories and fanfics but I'm currently rusty on it especially on grammar. So yeah i hope you guys like it and please no hate since this is my first story I uploaded XD

Also I used this song for the lyrics of this chapter

#sagau villain au #kaeya x reader #genshin self aware au #self+aware+genshin #yandere kaeya #genshin self aware #genshin impact self aware #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact angst #genshin impact au #self aware genshin #flowerfell au #genshin impact Flowerfell Au #genshin sagau #sagau #self aware au #genshin angst #kaeya alberich x reader #imposter au

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visd3stele · 2 years

Text

Go, go, darling agents (superhero/vigilante au!) PART 1; PART 2; PART 3

summary: Times like this make you feel the entirety of the responsability truly landing on your shoulders: you have a difficult call to make. One that will completely affect your relationship with your boyfriend, Billy.

tw: mentions of violence, child abuse,light implications of sexual conotation

a/n: did you miss my fics? well, here is a new one anyway

masterlist ; request (closed)

Your whole life is a chain of tough calls after tough calls: when you escaped the experimental facility followed by all the other teens trapped in there, when you joined S.H.I.E.L.D's college for the 'gifted' knowing too damn well you couldn't have a normal life, when you departed from it unable to follow protocle when lives are at stake and made your own vigilante team. And so many more after that; because you understood what it meant to be in your position. Someone with superhuman abilities. A leader.

Thinking back, you can barely pin-point a sense of dread aimed at the past. The choices you made, you were happy with them. Guilt free, remorseless. What you were hurt by, you knew it wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault your father died months before your birth. It was beyond your power to stop your mother from selling you off to the gouvermental operation. The mutations in your body were out of your control. And you've made peace with it.

Not a single soul have been lost on your watch. It's your biggest pride. How you managed to always find a way to save your people. Be it the team you lead or the civilians you help, everybody made it out safe and alive. With scars to remind them how Death's caress feels like, sure, but also pain and hours of medical interventions to not forget Life.

The Limbo. As far away in the past as your story goes, you've been called The Limbo. That place between Life and Death. Exactly because you refused to let your own die, but never spared an enemy. It's the bane bone of your existence. You can't change it now! You can't change it now ! Not when it's about him. Not if it's Billy's life you're gambling...

"Boss?" A sharp inhale in your ear shattered you to your core. You blinked once. Twice. Breathed in. Out.

"I'm here."

"We still can't reconnect to Blackbird's."

"Keep trying."

A while ago you accepted a new recruit in your group. Your family. Billy Blackbird Russo. A lone vigilante living by his own rules. He was reckless, barely knowing how to be a team player, disobeying orders.

"Seems familiar," Frank mused. He was the last to join you, three years ago. After the attack on his family, leaving him alone on the dark, dangerous streets, Frank took the mantel of The Punisher and served justice to his own accord. Your paths has crossed and, as he needed a purpose and a place to belong to, you offered him a post. After he left you waiting for weeks, he finally showed up to your door.

"What is that supposed to mean?" You huffed at his teasing.

"Just saying, Boss. Can't deny the similarities. Ambition to the bitter end, stubborness to be killed for, a distaste for authority..."

"I'm the authority here, Punisher. If he doesn't listen, we're all doomed."

Frank's laugh echoed behind you and you rolled your eyes. At least someone's having a good time.

"Blackbird. A word."

Billy was still in his gear, waiting at the computer for news about the exposed orphanage. Radiations were released in the area in an attempt to get rid of the poorer people living there – an obstacle for the construction of an amusement park.

Upon hearing you call his name, he hummed, passing a hand through his hair. His eyes never left the screen, watching it like a hawk as if he could will the news to appear with his insisting gaze.

"Billy!"

"What?" He glanced at you then right back at the computer, bouncing his leg in waiting.

"Russo," you say slowly, now right behind him, gripping his chin and turning his face to look at you. "When I'm speaking, I want your full attention. Clear?"

It took some time and even if he didn't change much, Billy fell in line. Became accoustomed to your routine. He didn't question you on the field, but would give you hell once back in the safety of the layer if he thought you're wrong.

"We found him, Boss." And for a second your soul re-entered your body. The crippling fear washed away so quickly your heart stopped with relief. And when it started to beat again, bubbles of laughter begged to be released from your throath and tears pierced your eyelids to fload your cheeks.

You couldn't remember how it happened, or when, but your relationship with Billy swifted smoothly to something else. Something new for both of you.

"We should celebrate, Boss." Billy was standing in your doorway, eyebrows rose in question, a smile playing on his lips, a bottle of chapagne and two glasses in his hands. His bare arms were littered in scars, he shifted his weight from foot to foot, too painful to only stand on one. Huge purple bags under his eyes asked you to refuse him, but the mischivious glint in his obsidian eyes, so sparkling and full of life behind the messy hair softened your tensed edges.

You motioned for him to get inside and scooped over to make him space on the bed. For up close, he seemed even more tired. Clothes wrinkled, dust in his curls, troubled breathing, wincing in pain with each step. His teeth visibly sink in the flesh inside his cheeks, biting, drawing blood that coloured his white smile in pasty red.

He also looked more handsome, now that you could take him all in: the chiseled muscles visible through the tight shirt, the veins on his arms, flexing in an effort to not shake the glasses after hours of fighting for his life with nothing but a knife, the subtle wrinkles around his eyes and mouth – a tell of how he pushed through everything thrown at him (and it wasn't small things) – the piercing glint of his obsidian eyes, an abyss you found yourself getting lost into more and more often, searching for constellations to be part of in Billy's universe.

"Let me," he said, but it sounded more like a question. And it took you a second or two to realize what he was talking about: the wound you were seweing close on your own. You nodded and he wasted no time putting the champagne at the foot of your bed and climbing in.

"I've finally found something the great Limbo isn't good at. Stitching."

"Shut up, Russo, or you'll need stitching yourself."

Billy stopped, raised a brow in challenge and lifted his jeans. A red scar glarred at you under his knee, freshly mended. "Already got some today. Think you can do worse?"

Fighting the urge to lean forward and touch him, trace the wound with your fingers as soft as you can to comfort him as you knew best, you scoffed and pushed away from him. "You know I can, Russo."

He rolled his eyes. "Come back here."

"You forget who's giving orders, Blackbird. Need a reminder?"

"I need to finish that," he held up the bloody needle, waving it in your direction, reaching for you.

"Ah, ah, ah," you pushed him away with your leg. "I can manage myself just fine. If you want to do it, ask for permission."

"Already did."

"Before you stepped out of line. Doesn't count anymore."

Billy reached for you again. And you evaded again, dragging yourself on the upper side of the bed. He stood tall on the bed, an idea gleaming behind his infinite black orbs.

He secured your legs in his grip, holding them down by your ankles with one hand. The other reached for your wrists, looming over you to catch them. You could barely move your injured arm and his smug smile told you he knew it too. You were about to lose as his leader, after he played the rebel. You couldn't have that.

You reached for the champagne bottle and pushed it in his chest. It was more the element of surprise taking him off guard and making him lose balance, as you didn't hit hard enough to hurt him. As soon as Billy fell on top of you, you were quick to circle his neck with your good arm, putting pressure on his Adam's apple just enough to make him yield.

"Fine. You won," he shook with laughter. "Damn, y/n, you're alway on fight mode, huh?"

"There's a reason I'm in charge, Russo," you shrugged, a bright smile spreading on your face. "Never stand up to your leader again." You released him, but he didn't move. He locked his eyes with yours instead. Both your gazes grew softer, the smiles smaller, but longing.

You swallowed, but befote having a chance to say anything, or make sense of your own mind, Billy broke the gaze, looking over at the unfinished cut on you arm. He shook his head, his hair tickling your neck and the patch of exopsed skin on your chest. Then he stinged you with the needle. "May I stitch it close, Boss, or do you want it like that?"

You would have rolled your eyes under any other circumstances. But something changed in that short time your eyes were connected, his breath caressing your chin as your fingers curled in the sheets to resist the urge to curl in his hair. And you didn't adjust to it just yet.

"Y/n?"

"Yeah, sure. Finish the work, Blackbird."

You hated how normal he behaved. How unaffected he was. But then he stood up, dragging you after him and you landed in his lap, stradling him and his breath caught in his throath. You arms linked behind his neck on their own accord and you noticed his look drifting from your lips to your eyes uncounsciously. You also noticed something else, poking at your inner tigh from his pants.

As soon as he realized you caught him, Billy tried to brush it off, sitting you on the bed in front of him and focusing solely on closing up your cut.

"Where?" Blood spit from your mouth. The pain in your torso numbed under the overwhelming weight of hope. But the bone piercing through your knee still held you down every time you tried to get up.

Your frantic mind could only focus on him. The man that no one would want in their team because they wouldn't be patient enough to discover fierce loyalty lying beneath all that defiance. The partner in crimes you felt more in sync with. Your boyfriend.

Spliting up wasn't a good idea, you thought in a moment of desperation. Your body out of balance, discoordinated as you slipped on your own blood, leaking mostly from the broken knee and the left side of your lower abdomen.

But it didn't last. You knew it was the only chance you got to save these people. Otherwise you wouldn't have been able to cover so much land in time. A whole underground building, the size of a three levels mansion, under a mountain – a high tech prison for the worst of the worst. And the prisoners escaped, with undetected, unknown, outside help. The guards didn't see the enemy coming. It turned into a massacre quickly. Or it would have if your team hadn't gotten involved. All with a cost. Billy.

"No!"

"Boss?" Frank yelled in your ear. "What happened?"

"Nothing... nothing. 's all good. I'm fine. What were you saying about Billy?" Your voice was sharp, low. Something more than a whisper, breathed out between painful inhales and shaggy exhales. You managed to stand up; your palm draw a line of blood on the wall you leaned on as you dragged your numb leg after you, slowly leaving the pile of dead bodies – enemies' bodies – behind. Limping or not, you had to get to Billy.

"There's a problem."

"Is he...?"

"He's alive. We can't talk to him, but the heat camera is clear. He seems injured, though. Badly. And surrounded by enemies on all sides. They'll get to him in five. Top."

"Where, Punisher? Go help him!" Any other time you'd have winced in embarrassment at your desperate screech. So unprofesional, so unlike you. This time, you couldn't bring yourself to care.

"That's the problem, Boss. He's stuck at Level 0. We got a bomb at our floor and the guards in critical state. We don't leave now..."

"All the lives we tried to save are gone."

"We could reach him in time, y/n," Frank's voice changed. From the subordonate Punisher's to the brotherly friend's. "Me and Matt can get to him. You meet us there and we get the hell out before we blow up."

"But that'd mean letting the guards to die."

"They might be as good as dead anyway. They're in critical state, are we even sure any doctor is able to help them?"

"We know doctors that aren't 'any' doctors. What does Matt think?"

A deafening silence before a sigh – more like a grunt – preluded the news you dreaded. "The devil says they can be saved. But any second is crucial."

An impossible choice. Your heart sank to the bottom of your stomach. You could hear it's pulsing in your head, in your ears, bouncing against your skull and every other bone. A chilling current waved through your veins, renewed with each quick, small breath that couldn't feed your lungs properly.

The hand slipped from the wall, the leg gave in and you fell to the ground. Fitting, seeing you felt like crumbling away and melting into nothingness. Craddling your hurt leg and banging your head – lightly, lacking the force to do anything – against the wall you felt tears racing down your face.

If only you would have been more careful. More catious. Taken better care of yourself. You wouldn't be too injured now to be of good use. Go after Billy alone and have Frank and Matt save the guards.

The pain in your chest, the feeling of drowning, the need to pause the time and end this awful moment were only the prologue. You weren't powerless, you were ashamed. You felt guilty and the hurt stabbing you was both for Billy and against your betrayal.

For you had no doubt what needs to be done. Billy was strong, have been through some of life's worst challenges and managed to stand. He's also a trained agent, a vigilante who's constant companion is risk itself. And he's conscious. Blackbird has a better chance at surviving than the guards.

You spit at your side, cursing at your foot. You could barely make it to your team, much less down the stairs another floor, fight off a bunch of armed H.Y.D.R.A agents, get Billy and run before the bomb gets off. You wouldn't be useful to anyone in pieces. And you hated it! You hated your logical mind and how easy it was to come to the right conclusion.

The choice wasn't between saving the guards or going after Billy, but rather how to say it out loud. How to make it true, a reality that will happen...

"Boss?"

"Get out of here," you whimpered. Then you stadyed your voice and shouted. "Let's go!"

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