#for my sanity if nothing else

[forgetriestowrite]

I'M SORRY

EXCUSE ME

2:19:20 ROBBIE MIMING DORIAN SMILING AND WATCHING ORYM CLIMB AND NODDING WHEN HE GETS TO THE TOP LIKE HE WAS MAKING SURE ORYM DIDNT FALL

IM GOING TO IMPLODE

[molliemoo3]

Slightly worried about Dennis vs Franco for the last point, especially given last weekend

[bookantique]

someone hit me with the motivation chair im BEGGING

[gaym3bo1]

uhm... did they tell tonkla about mark being "mOrE thAn A bOdYgUArd" or did they decide it's fine if he finds out bc he wants to get a cup of water in the middle of the night?

[the-scarlet-witch-22]

Special WIP Ask Night *Election Night Edition*

It’s not Wednesday but… I’m anxious as hell with the election and need something to distract me sooooo if you’d like to send me an ask on any of my WIP’s now is your chance! You can ask for blurbs, any questions on the story, what music I listen to while I write, etc. Anon or not, dealer’s choice! (I promise I don’t bite 😌✨...*insert Agatha gif here*)

My current WIP’s:

The Lark Ascending (conductor!Agatha Harkness x Reader)

Love & Liabilities (lawyer!Agatha Harkness x reader)

the girl is mine (mayor!Agatha Harkness x reader)

[telesodalite]

Been itching to ramble again, and I've had these lines stuck in my notes for awhile now, because I think about them a lot

"Are you really okay with this?"

"Of course I am! Aren't you? Half a billion! You could use it to—to—

...

What is it you want to do again?"

"I'm doing what I want to do! And you're clearly not or we wouldn't be here..."

-

It's such an interesting look into their perspectives, not only about this moment where they're arguing about the money and Grimlock, but about how their lives have been playing out up to this point.

I mean, there's the obvious matter of Krok being displeased with himself and his own achievements post-war, and in contrast, Fulcrum being content with what they have, and them both being confused about why the other feels that way.

But mainly it's interesting to me because it says something about Fulcrum, and the fact that compared to the others, he doesn't have a goal or anything he wants to achieve here. Fulcrum is content. He's happy. He doesn't want anything else, or at least, none of his wants were big enough for Krok to make note of.

He's doing what he wants to do, and that is fascinating, because we've seen the highlights of what all their current life entails, and yet, he's content with it and mildly taken aback by the fact that Krok isn't.

Because, unlike him during this time, the rest of the Scavengers have goals, things they want, things they're gunning for, hoping for, planning on, ideas that are driving them forward, or ideals that they fantasize about.

Crankcase and Spinister want luxuries, comforts, hobbies. A big ol' shiny spaceship Crankcase can have all to himself, and if Krok's words speak true to Spinister's wants, then the time and space to go hunting recreationally whenever the fancy takes him.

(Crankcase also wants love, but that's not something money related, outside of like, idk, wifi, ship fuel, and dinner date costs or smth idfk)

Krok and Misfire want purpose and the ability to fund those purposes. A treatment center and the chance for Krok to make something of himself by helping as many others as he can, and the knowledge and/or the proper assistance to help Grimlock's health progress further than what Misfire can currently do for him.

(Obviously all of them also want money, just in general for no particular purpose, but that's fair and also a given, and not really a point here lol)

But Fulcrum? Nah, he's good. Because he already achieved his goal, whether that goal is continuing to wake up alive every day, or having companions, or both, it doesn't matter, because he's got it, he achieved that, he's got what he wants. He's got a life, he's got them, what else is there to really want?

That's not to say he's without wants, I mean, you can't tell me this guy wouldn't perk up at the idea of like, a nice warm, quiet, cozy oil bath with a snazzy bottle of some aged engex on the side or something. But on a grander scale, looking at his life and what he has now, he's fine with it.

A billion shanix isn't worth disrupting this life he has. No amount of luxury, or comfort, or funds for whatever goal, are worth trading any of them for.

Because he wants this, the Scavengers, Grimlock, and the weird life they've built together. That's what he wants, that's what he's got, and knowing what he was willing to do after only knowing them for a short time, he'd probably rather die than give any one of them up for any reason, even a billion shanix.

[lorelune]

hello! i come from ao3 after reading your 3 part blade x reader series, “the architect”

do you have any plans to continue it? it’s such an interesting story and i love how you characterise blade and the reader!! i find blade to be super in-character

im super invested in what you’ve already written for it, so i’m just wondering if there’ll be anymore parts to it o(-(

hello anon dear!!! thank you for making the trek over here and enjoying the story so far 🥹🩷 i DO have plans to continue it. part iv of the architect is roughly 80% completed, i've been chipping away on it for the past year. it's quite a big longer than the other parts so far and i'm excited to share it when it's done cooking!! there's planned to be one more part after that one (so a total of five). i hope to complete them all at some point 💗

[raptureshots]

That fucking bird that I hate... (is deeply in love with him)

Alt verson. under cut heartemoji

based uhh. heavy off the Atlas Voice of The People and Atlas He's Your Pal posters btwww !!!

[seventh-district]

not even gonna try to contain this vent post within the tags bc i can just feel that i'm gonna yap

for the first time in a very long time, i'm watching an old video of me, age 13, playing with my dog on the kitchen floor. and i can barely handle the envious sight of how absolutely free i was. like, i know i've rewatched this video at a few other points in time in the nearly 12 years since i recorded it, but i've never really watched the full thing, paying as much attention as possible to every single detail.

i initially dug it up the other night because it's one of the only videos i have of Sassy on my current phone, and i wanted to.. see her again. but while i was analyzing every frame of the 3min video trying to drag as much of her memory out of the past as i possibly could, it dawned on me in a way it never has before just how unbelievably free i was behaving.

i was on the floor. touching it, sitting on it, putting my hands down on it and then (to my current self's horror and disgust) putting them on my cheeks, touching my face. i sat my drink down on the floor next to me. i picked Sassy up over and over again and then touched my face and drink and then i picked her up again and actually put my mouth on the top of her head to give her a little kiss. i did all of it without a second thought. it obviously came so naturally to me. i was moving around, interacting with the world around me in such an unbelievably normal way that i barely even recognize myself. and i was doing everything so quickly, too. i had energy. i moved (what seems to me now as) recklessly (though to a normal person it is probably just. normally.) and i just touched anything and did anything and. there weren't any consequences. it was fine.

that was roughly 1.5 years before Sassy dropped dead with zero warning and zero explanation and i developed severe OCD.

my memory is too far gone for me to figure out if the two events were cause-and-effect, or simply happened to take place around the same time in my life. it's not like i kept any sort of detailed log of my developing symptoms so i don't know if i'll ever be sure.

regardless, all i can focus on is how nowadays i wouldn't be able to do any of that. nothing aside from my shoes can come into contact with the floor. and i cannot come into direct skin contact with my shoes. if i find myself in a situation where i have to sit on the floor, as soon as i can get up, i have to remove all clothes that touched it and put them in the dirty laundry, and wash my hands, and if i had to touch my phone after touching the floor, i have to disinfect it. i will under no circumstances touch my face after contacting the floor until my hands are washed. i cannot touch or pet or hold either of my pets without washing my hands and preferably removing whatever clothing they came into contact with.

they are not allowed in my room nor my bed. Sassy slept in my bed with me every night. i never put my mouth on their fur to give them a kiss. i gave Sassy head kisses without a thought. they are not allowed to lick me. i used to find another one of my past dog's 'kisses' on my hands to be very endearing and unproblematic. now if it happens i have to wash it off immediately. anything that gets touched between my hands contacting either pet and being washed, i have to disinfect it.

i mean it with my entire fucking heart and soul when i say that OCD is an insidious disorder. having lived with it for a decade now, i couldn't be more aware of this. but, therein lies the exact point i'm trying to make. in spite of knowing that it has wormed it's way into every single aspect of my life, brain, and personality, it's entire nature is defined by the fact that it will do so, and it'll do it in such a way that the disordered mindset becomes your new normal. it had managed to completely overwrite a lot of my pre-disorder memories of how i used to... operate in the world around me. it has entirely altered the way i do every. single. thing. to the point where i just can't even fathom how it used to be any different. if i didn't have videos like this one to serve as proof that things did used to be different, i wouldn't have any basis for what my "normal" ever even was. it robbed me of those memories entirely.

let's fish one example out of the thousands of different ones i've got siting around: i've spent years trying to figure out how i used to take a shower that didn't take me an entire hour. i have no video of something like that obviously, so it just feels like.. like when i try to envision how i used to bathe myself it literally just goes black in my brain. there's no memory or mental images left in there. i can't fathom it. i mush have just been walking around halfway clean. i don't know. i don't understand how anyone can take a "quick" shower and get out feeling clean. my brain just absolutely cannot grasp it because the OCD is all that's left. it snuck in and completely rewrote the code of who i am and how my brain functions and how i perceive the world and i am never going to get my old self back. no amount of medication or therapy can truly, fully undo the damage it's done to my mind and body.

i mean. i have learned to live with it, barely. i wouldn't really call what i do 'living' but i am. surviving. and some of my obsessions and compulsions have the tendency to fade in and out over time, so i've been able to CBT myself out of some of the most disabling ones. showers take 1 hour now instead of 1.5 to 2.

i can read normally again now, after that period of time around uhh 2018 i think where i could barely read since i had to count the letters of every single word i saw. that was a pretty miserable time and i eventually forced myself mostly out of it. but i still slip back into it when i'm exceptionally stressed, which makes written communication difficult. but it's not like you can just explain that to people and expect them to believe you. but the uh. idk what to call it. OCD cranked the pattern-seeking part of my brain up so far that the metaphorical knob broke off and so the uh. like. the ability for me to notice which words have what amount of letters is always there, i'm just good at overriding it now. that's what 'learning to live with OCD' is like for me. the tracks that it carves into my brain never go away, i just get better at overriding them. but certain stupid little rules never really leave you, like if i'm lengthening a word like turning 'no' into 'noooooo' or 'holy' into 'hooooly' then the new lengthened form of the word has to have a 'good' number of letters like 3 or 7 or whatever my brain deems fit.

i can sit small objects down now without compulsively checking that the surface i'm about to sit them on is clean. ...most of the time. that got really annoying but also embarrassing to be seen doing it. having to re-wipe the counter down every time i'd pick up my water bottle and put it back down. trying to do Anything in the kitchen was an absolute nightmare. and yeah it still takes me a long time to cook anything, and there's countless other compulsions that make me dread the kitchen, and yeah i still can't sit large objects down without thoroughly inspecting the surface below them, and. sigh. there's no making this one sound like it's much improved at all. cause it hasn't

at least the compulsion to re-live and commit to memory every possible detail of my dreams immediately upon waking has left me. that's one rare example of a compulsion that has totally left instead of just adapting to be less intrusive. it was so miserable laying there for ages every morning trying to force any shred of memory out of my dreams and then panicking when i oftentimes couldn't remember anything.

anyways. i could and would have to write a literal book to fit in even half of all the examples of every single compulsion i've ever had in the last 10 years. most of them are still with me. some of them are very.. evolved, but most of them are still with me in one form or another. there isn't a single aspect of the way that i interact with the world around me that isn't heavily influenced by my OCD.

i don't expect to ever get to be that 13y/o kid again. and even back then, i was far from neurotypical. mental things were already starting to spiral for me around 11 or so. but none of my other (numerous) illnesses hold a candle to the disabling effect that OCD had and has on me. it's one of the WHO's top 10 most debilitating illnesses in the world, physical health issues included. i think i heard it ranked at #7, ironically enough. that stat might not still be accurate but i can't help but constantly want to quote it because i think one of the most tortuous aspects of OCD is the inability of those who don't have it to truly grasp how much you're struggling. how bad it is. it's taken so unseriously by the majority of those who don't have it, that trying to get across to someone how much you're struggling feels like this constant uphill battle that you never asked to fight.

one of the most difficult things for me to live with is the knowledge that most people just aren't going to understand. or believe me. and feeling unseen while suffering through immense pain is just. it's maddening. and dealing with that exact issue of struggling so much, both in physical sorts of pain and with mental illnesses, and having everyone around me never take it seriously enough.. it has been such a prevalent part of my life for so long that it just. it's slowly driving me fucking insane lol. not to be dramatic. i know i've got a relatively easy life. but there is always gonna be this invisible, bleeding wound on my soul that gets torn open a little wider every time i have to look someone in the eye and try, exhaustedly, to explain the absolute dumpster fire shitshow that i have to live with in my brain 24/7, only to get some fuckass excuse of a response like 'haha yeah i know what you mean! i'm a little OCD too!' and they just like. like seeing things organized neatly and sometimes experience a passing worry that they left the stove on.

and i just wanna say that 'we are playing life on two very different difficulty levels and i don't think i'll ever be able to get that across to you' but no i have to be nice and downplay it and get along bc it's just not worth it. i'm so fucking tired. OCD is exhausting enough to live with, let alone trying to educate other people on it.

maybe one day ill post that stupid excuse of a poem i wrote regarding my frustration with that exact experience.

but like i said, i don't ever expect this to go away. medication only treats the symptoms and i can only force myself to suffer through so much CBT. this will be with me forever, in a significant capacity. i just hope that before i die, i'll get to know what it's like to have someone look me in the eye and understand. not necessarily from personal experience, but to at least know me well enough to be able to understand how serious i am when i say that OCD ruined my life.

but it might turn out that the only place i'll be able to find that level of understanding and acceptance, is when i look in the mirror.

that might just have to be enough.

[dzozef]

i can not even begin to explain how stressful the last two days have been at work

[hasperkalttunen]

sens @ leafs 27/12/23

Bonus:

[oborofollower7]

man idk

[lokislittlesigyn]

the psychic damage dealt to me when people tease others about having a crush on Loki “as a kid” or thinking it’s “wild” someone could ever crush on him is sudden and immeasurable

Like I’m sorry y’all it’s been 12 straight years of this, and now I feel very very very bad about myself-

[curlyhairedbooklover]

I have never watched a single episode of iasip but i've been hearing about macdennis for years so i just have to ask. What's going on there? Is it entirely a fandom thing? Is it a queerbaiting situation? Will it actually happen? I can't tell and i need to know!

Anon I thank you deeply for this question the short answer is all of them and none of them all at once… 

The long answer is that these are two canonically queer men who have been in a sexual relationship and had multiple episodes dedicated to their relationship where it is framed as romantic but have never kissed on screen.

The EVEN longer answer is

that Mac has been intentionally written as a gay man since s8 (aired in 2012) and came out of the closet in the s11 finale (2016), went back in for 6 episodes and came out fully midway through s12 (2017) in the legendary episode ‘Hero or Hate Crime?’, which was partly due to backlash from fans during the break about Mac not staying out. They also did a seminal episode for the s13 finale (2018) called ‘Mac Finds His Pride’ where they break from their usual format and made a very emotional episode culminating in Mac doing a dramatic dance expressing his feelings as a gay catholic man who has daddy issues in front of a prison (it is almost guaranteed to make you cry). Whereas Dennis was clearly written as queer in the early seasons, (2005-9) but as the show went on he started being written more as a man who values himself partly bc of his ability to sleep with women and he sees them as conquests, a famous example is the s5 (2009) episode ‘The D.E.N.N.I.S System’ wherein he reveals to the gang his meticulous system for winning a woman (ofc it is ridiculous and would never work). And in later seasons (12-14) became especially stringent in emphasising he was a straight man (partly in reaction to Mac coming out and being open about being gay for the first time in their lives). HOWEVER in the most recent season, s16 (2023) it was revealed that Dennis Also has a S.I.N.N.E.D system, which was designed to get men to sleep with you, he teaches this to Mac and Dee and when they ask why on earth he has a system for sleeping with men -that he says is guaranteed to work because it has been tested- he merely shushes them and proceeds, heavily implying that he IS a queer man and HAS slept with men before!! So. Now both of them are canonically queer. It is also worth mentioning that they have been roommates for 20+ years (with a years gap in between s12-13 when Dennis left to go to North Dakota to raise a son he had as a result of a one night stand and had been keeping secret from the gang for two years) and have consciously chosen to keep living together even when their apartment burnt down and they had to sleep at Dee’s for a year (Dennis’ twin sister), after which Mac fully rebuilds their place down to every last detail. Also in the sinned system episode I mentioned earlier (called ‘Frank vs Russia’ if you’re curious) Dennis reveals at the end of the episode that he had been catfishing Mac the entire episode who thought he was in a relationship with a man named Johnny who communicated with him via anal beads up his ass controlled by an app on Dennis’ phone…. Mac says he is in love with this man!! They do not address it again for the rest of the season!!! As mentioned there are multiple episodes where they are portrayed as a couple, the most notable being ‘Mac and Dennis Break Up’ a s5 (2009) episode where well they break up, and in the commentary from the time show creators Charlie Day and Rob McElenney (with the latter playing Mac) literally state that this is an episode about two gay men who are in love with each other break up because they have been accused of being codependent…… and that is exactly how it plays! Another is ‘Mac and Dennis Move to the Suburbs’, a s11 (2016) episode where they, well, move to suburbs and take on the roles of lonely housewife and frustrated husband in the spirit of a psychological horror movie from the 50s and Mac feeds Dennis dog. 

The slightly shorter but still longish answer, the creators/actors have said on many occasions that all their characters are at least a little bit gay and have followed through with these two!! (especially Mac) There also have definitely been queer baiting techniques used in the past, eg posting a picture of the two of them in bed before the season airs (you’ve probably seen the meme it created tbh), but have never gone very far with that and mostly seems in good humour (note: that picture was posted by Megan Ganz, a writer on the show who joined in s11 (2016) and quickly became one of the main writers, and she is a known shipper of Macdennis, she had been watching the show for years before she started writing on it and it’s clear that she at least somewhat (but probably a whole lot) is on board with the ship). While I would never claim that the show doesn’t have faults and they haven’t fucked up things over the years when it comes to representation they have been pretty good at writing queer storylines and being respectful about it so I do have a level of trust in them!! There is also a Whole Host of other things I could mention in regards to simply how Mac and Dennis’ storyline makes the most sense when read as romantic (hell Mac openly had a crush on Dennis is s12-14, including dreaming that Dennis was going to kiss him and poisoning him so he could take care of Dennis!) and while I got back and forth constantly on whether I think Macdennis will actually become canon, I do genuinely think there is a good chance and currently we are at a moment where we have the best shot we’ve ever had of it succeeding!! Also to have a show that’s been running since 2005 have a genuine queer will they won’t they romance that has been building for 16 seasons would be a Momentous occasion and I cannot let that possibility go until either it happens or the show ends!! (Though hopefully we will not have a destiel situation on our hands, I’ve already had my brain broken in that particular way I would like a different way this time please) 

In conclusion I did not expect to write Quite this much on this topic and hopefully some things have been cleared up for you, though they very much might not have….. but that’s what I get for writing about brain rot material in the middle of the night!! And the shortest answer to your question is Yes And No. 

[corvigae]

Thinking about AU where Page and Lunarae are in the same campaign again and...Page/Astarion/Lunarae throuple real, perhaps? 👀

[uk07]

Finally started planning out my ideas for eden and out/everlasting eden, i have a doc + concept ideas but might as well flowchart it