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where-theres-smoak-2 · 10 months

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Sylvie's Playlist

I've been listening to the playlist Sophia posted and honestly there are some really great tunes on it, she said that these songs were songs that remind her of Sylvie and also songs she thinks Sylvie herself would listen to 'really loud in her green pick-up truck.' And, well I can't sleep, so to kill some time I thought what if we look at these songs from Sylvie's perspective, what could they tell us about how she's feeling, what state of mind and being she's in? As I always say in any post like this, the following are just my own thoughts and interpretation, and honestly this post is mostly just for fun, so feel free to agree or disagree as you like.

Having listened to the whole playlist and having done some research into the individual songs, I think most of them can fall into one of three categories. One is very much the badass rebel woman type songs that I think describe Sylvie's personality really well. The second category are songs that describe feeling lost, trying to search for who you are and feeling dissatisfied and bored with life but still hanging on and having some hope that if you just push through it things will get better.

Then the third category are the love songs, mostly about lost love and feeling hurt but missing your lover, honestly alot of the time this playlist did feel like a break up playlist. It's this category I mostly want to talk about.

But before I get into that I want to summarise what I think this playlist as a whole can tell us about where Sylvie was at emotionally in season 2. I think from the amount of songs talking about feeling lost and bored and dissatisfied its safe to say that Sylvie was struggling to find her place, to find where she belonged and who she was now that she didn't have to keep running. I think no matter how much she tries to live a normal life she's just struggling to truly fit in and feel like she belongs and I think the songs about rebel woman who live wild and free and lead the revolution, is why. As Sophia said in a recent interview Sylvie isn't one to live the quiet normal life for long, she likes the fight and the adventure and sooner or later she will always be drawn back into that world.

I think another thing that is missing is Loki. Which brings me back round to category three, there are so many songs in here about broken relationships and how complicated love is but there are also a few that address the subject of needing a partner, needing love to help you through tough times. There are a few songs I do want to talk about in more detail as they really remind me of sylki and I think can show us what Sylvie's desires and wants and feelings were towards Loki in season 2.

Two songs on the playlist that I thought were interesting, because they have similar vibes but in opposing ways, are 'If You Love Me by Brenda Lee' and 'End of the World by Skeeter Davis'. Sylki fans will likely recognise 'If You Love Me' as its the song that plays at the end of 1x4. But both these songs talk about the end of the world, but in one (if you love me) the singer is facing it with her loved one and is saying that even if the world was ending she could face it because she has her love at her said, its a song about unconditional love but also about the strength love can give us when facing hard times.

In contrast to that the protagonist in Skeeter Davis' song 'End of the World' has lost her love and now even the most ordinary day feels like the end of the world. She's left wondering why the stars are still shining and why her heart is even still beating when the worst thing has come about, her lover was her world and now they are gone. Where the protagonist in Brenda Lee's song feels like she could face the end of the world so long as she has her partner's love, this protagonist is struggling to get through even an ordinary day without hers.

To me these two songs remind me of Sylki in season compared to season two. 'If you love me' reflects their relationship in season one where they had each other's backs and as a result felt like they could do anything, take over the arc on Lamentis, take on the time keepers, enchant Alioth, face HWR at the end of time. They felt like they could face anything so long as they had each other. But in season 2 its much more like 'End of the World.' I think they both struggle whilst separated. Sylvie is trying to find a life and be happy but ultimately is still missing Loki and feeling lonely, Loki is just a bit of a frantic mess without her, especially in those first couple of episodes and is also clearly feeling miserable without her.

Speaking of the end of the world songs, another song on the playlist is 'Purple Rain by Prince'. This is what Prince said about the song's meaning: “When there’s blood in the sky… red and blue = purple. Purple rain pertains to the end of the world and being with the one you love and letting your faith/God guide you through the purple rain,” The first verse of this song reminds me so much of Loki's speech in the citadel in 1x6, where he says he doesn't want to hurt Sylvie and he just wants her to be ok:

I never meant to cause you any sorrow I never meant to cause you any pain I only want one time to see you laughing

I also reflects what Sylvie wishes she could say to Loki because I really don't think either one wanted to cause the other any pain but that was ultimately the result.

Another couple of lines that remind me of Sylki's situationship are 'I never wanted to be your weekend lover' and 'It's such a shame our friendship had to end'. This I think could indicate how they had this deep but brief connection that left its mark on them both but they both wished it had been something more and that it hadn't ended.

Another song on this playlist that made me think back to season 1 Sylki is 'Heartbeats by Jose Gonzalez.' Its a song about a passionate but complicated love. The lines:

One night of magic rush The start a simple touch

Remind me alot of the beginning of 1x4 where they have their nexus moment, which is a simple touch that very much causes a magic rush in more ways than one. Some other lyrics are:

The colors red and blue We had a promise, babe We were in love

This reminds me of the blanket moment in 1x5. In that moment to me they really did look like they were in love but it was also the scene where they kind of made a promise to each other that they weren't going to let each other down and that when it was over they would find a life together. The colours of red and blue, red invokes thoughts of love and passion but then blue is kind of the opposite, its sorrow, feeling blue equals feeling sad. It makes me think of how they started out with that passion and love but it then lead to sorrow and loss. I can just imagine Sylvie sitting in her pick up listening to this song and remembering those moments with Loki.

So one song that this playlist introduced me to which I have never heard of until now is 'Rien Dire by Christine and the Queens'. It is in another language and the title translates to 'Say Nothing' I have decided this is Sylki's new anthem because it is just so beautiful. This is what the writer had to say about the song: “That song is about a conversation of love that carries on even if you don’t see the person or hear the person anymore,” Christine and the Queens told Zane Lowe on Apple Music 1. “True love is a conversation that is never interrupted."

I looked up the english translation and there were so many parts that I think reflect Sylki. So starting with the first verse:

Even though I'm not always in your arms It seems you walk by my side My gestures have taken the colours of your motions And I think about it all the time, in spite of my self

Even though they are both separated now I think they've still stayed with each other, like I said above the love they felt for each other left a mark that still lingers even after their fight in the citadel and I think despite her best efforts Sylvie still thinks about Loki a lot and Loki definitely still thinks about her.

The chorus of the song is also really beautiful and again I think it really fits Sylki:

Oh, we learn each other Oh, we wait for each other Oh, we surrender And without ever saying a word Oh, we're pulling and pushing Oh, the way you look Oh, we love each other And without ever saying a word

Even though they've never said it out loud their feelings for each other are plain, even in season 2 they still care deeply for each other, they see each other and they love each other but they also challenge each other.

But my favourite lyrics in this song have to be the second verse:

All the things in the world that we experience together Are you afraid to fall in love as well? And all those places I thought I didn't belong Now there I am, with you

Now this is Sylki to a tee, they've gone through all these experiences together where they have formed a deep bond and have fallen in love, but despite that I think they are both still so afraid of love, of having someone to lose and I think that's why despite showing their feelings they've never spoken them out loud. Also the lyrics talking about not belonging and then saying 'Now there I am with you' I've always believed that they belong with each other, I think that is part of the reason why Sylvie is struggling to find her place without him and vice versa.

Another song worth mentioning is 'Time Is On My Side by Irma Thomas. In this song the protagonist has lost her love but is confident that eventually he will come back to her. She tells him to go and experience life with the confidence that eventually its her love that will bring him back:

Go ahead, go ahead and light up the town And baby, do everything your heart desires Remember, I'll always be around And I know, I know Like I told you so many times before You're gonna come back, baby 'Cause I know You're gonna come back knocking Yeah, knocking right on my door Yes, yes! Well, time is on my side, yes it is Time is on my side, yes it is 'Cause I got the real love The kind that you need

This actually reminds me more of how Loki feels about Sylvie, he wants her to be happy and experience life but I think they've also got that little bit of hope that they'll find their way back to each other.

Then you have 'Don't Make Me Over by Dionne Warwick' which is about wanting to be accepted as you are, flaws and all.

Don't pick on the things I say The things I do Just love me with all my faults The way that I love you I'm begging you

Don't make me over Now that I can't make it without you Don't make me over I wouldn't change one thing about you Just take me inside your arms And hold me tight And always be by my side If I am wrong or right I'm begging you

This one reminds me of their fight in the citadel and maybe how Sylvie feels now after, maybe what she wishes she could say to Loki, that she wants him to love her even if they don't see things the same way. The lyrics 'just take me in your arms and hold me tight and always be by my side, if I am wrong or right, I'm begging you' hit pretty hard if you put them in context of the way they have been struggling to see things the same way this season. I think if given the opportunity they would just hold each other and be with each other.

A couple of honourable mentions now, Beth Ditto's 'We Could Run' which talks about this dream of a couple running away together and leaving all their troubles behind. Again, it reminds me of the blanket scene and Sylki talking about figuring out what they are going to do next together. I could see both Sylvie and Loki daydreaming about running away together. The other honourable mention is 'We Were Rock and Roll by Janelle Monae'. This one is a fun song that has alot of kind of mirroring imagery of things that compliment and work together really well, like rock and roll and king and queen, and is a song about reminiscing about a past love. This idea of being mirrors of each other but also a complimentary pair obviously screams Sylki to me.

Ok last one. The last song I want to talk about is 'If I Could Turn Back Time by Cher.' Now my momma raised me on Cher, she'd play it in the car or in the kitchen whilst cooking, so naturally I know this song well and have often sung it at the top of my voice alongside my mother and sisters, I was super hyped to see it on Sophia's playlist.

The song is about a couple who have had a bad break up and the protagonist is reflecting on the guilt she feels for the things she did and said and wishing she could turn back time and get a different outcome, make it right again:

If I could turn back time If I could find a way I'd take back those words that have hurt you And you'd stay

I think maybe Sylvie regrets some of the things she said to Loki in the citadel, it was pretty obvious that Loki was really hurt by her mistrust and accusations. The next verse really reminds me of the 'love is a dagger' metaphor.

I don't know why I did the things I did I don't know why I said the things I said Pride's like a knife, it can cut deep inside Words are like weapons, they wound sometimes

And how Loki said it was beautiful until it makes you bleed. That imagery continues in this verse:

My world was shattered, I was torn apart Like someone took a knife and drove it deep in my heart When you walked out that door I swore that I didn't care But I lost every thing, darlin', then and there Too strong to tell you I was sorry Too proud to tell you I was wrong I know that I was blind

But this verse also makes me think of how Sylvie is putting on this front with Loki that she doesn't really care and that she has no regrets, that she's living her best life but really I think she's just too stubborn and too proud to say she's sorry or admit to any regret, even if that regret is just that she regrets hurting him. But I think ultimately if they do wish they could go back, they do regret how things turned out and that they have ended up separated. The most heartbreaking part is that they are both to hurt and too stubborn to confess this to each other, and they are struggling to even talk to each other because of all the hurt, let alone find their way back to each other.

Anyway, I've now rambled on enough about song lyrics and Sylki and have run out of things to say. Though if there were any other songs anyone wants me to cover feel free to drop an ask, or any other asks, all are welcome and honestly I am stuck at home bored so any distraction would be welcome.

#sylki #loki x sylvie #loki #sylvie

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wannaeatramyeon · 2 years

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Lookism Big Deal dynamics

hc of my number 1 crew: the Golden Era of Big Deal

Sinu Han

Naturally fun drunk uncle vibe but has to be the reluctant dad.

Tries to teach the kids and be a good role model. Attempts birds and bees lecture when he thinks the boys are up to no good but who are we kidding... no experience whatsoever. Tries to teach the crew but more often than not he learns something himself.

Gets the young members all their first beers much to Yeonhui's disapproval.

Makes them teach him the new tech, new slang, new trends. They're reluctant but he pulls rank. He will still dab to this day.

Shit stirrer, the biggest gossip, and will absolutely egg on non-serious fights.

Favourite hobby is winding up Samuel. This includes:

Calling him Sammy.

Stealing just the 1 brass knuckle, wearing it and constantly asking why Samuel's copying him.

Wearing the standard regulation Big Deal uniform and constantly asking why Samuel's copying him.

Reserving the best jokes for Samuel exclusively:

"I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well, it’s actually more of a wrap"

...Then proceeds to rap.

Jake Kim

Well liked and respected by almost everyone in Big Deal. They are usually won over by his natural charm and his cheeky smile.

Knows everyone by name and makes sure to acknowledge and ask about them.

Extremely good memory, to the point some members find it a bit creepy "morning [name], hope your grandmas operation went well" until they remembered they mentioned it in passing 2 months ago.

Messes around a lot. Trying to speak to him about some official business when he's not in the mood? "I'm Jane Kim, I don't know who Jake is" and runs away.

Just and fair in real life, but cheats at every game he plays. Samuel has flipped the table on him more than once.

Samuel

Has an extremely dry sense of humour that most people can't read.

Sinu: It'll be good to get a new paint job for my car. Do you think we can afford it?

Samuel: Sure. We have a lot of money to spare.

Sinu: Really???

Samuel: Everyone has been eating ramen for the last 3 weeks and you have holes in your socks. You tell me.

Most of Big Deal can't understand why he gets on so well with Jake when they seem like oil and water. Hey, opposites attract. And ultimately they're working towards the same goal for now.

These 2 are the definition of good cop, bad cop.

Jake: why are you going round terrorising our girls

Rival Gang member: your girls work for us from now on

Jake: [sigh] listen, leave Big Deal Street alone. You don't want me to get this guy [points at Samuel] involved. I'm doing you a favour here

[Samuel smoking menacingly and looking unhinged]

Rival Gang member: ...ok

[Samuel beats the shit out of him anyway]

Jerry Kwon

Most of Big Deal were absolutely terrified of him until they found out he was 15 years old and Jake prepares his lunches.

Often plans visiting Jeju Island with Jason and sightseeing for when they have money to spare.

No hard feelings between him and Lineman, with Jerry even tutoring him on some of the subjects at school.

Listens patiently to all the bullshit that Lineman weaves like it's storytime.

Jerry tries to prioritise school when he can, and still gets around on his bicycle. He wants to keep making Jake proud.

Brad Lee

You thought Jake was bad to play games with? This guy has the most underhanded tricks. Hiding extra monopoly money, random cards up his sleeve, making up rules that sound just official enough. Samuel hasn't actually flipped the table on him. He just enjoys watching Jake getting more and more pissed off then Jake will do the table flip.

During the gang's quieter days, him and Sinu are the most annoying fuckers to be around. Constantly cracking jokes and ridiculous conversations that gives the rest of Big Deal a headache.

Sinu: which octopus leg would you want be?

Brad: the fifth one, it's the most important

Sinu: (nods) that makes sense

Sinu: hey Brenda, who am i?

Brad: good morning Sarah, how's make up school going?

Jason Yoon

Hangs out on the pier a lot. The rest of Big Deal think he's broody but it reminds him of Jeju Island beaches a little and he feels homesick.

Didn't speak a lot and quiet initially. He actually did have a lot of things to say, mostly revolving round wanting Sinu and Brad to stfu but keeps his mouth shut as he doesn't want to offend the boss.

The most pragmatic out of Team YB and has the best working relationship with Samuel.

The girls have heard he's called the Crimson Stallion but they don't really know why. "Hey do you think it's cos he's hung like a-"

Lineman

Golden retriever vibes, happy to be here. Super starstruck when he was introduced to everyone.

Gets flustered and stutters when he first joined the crew "g-good morning j-jake" and 'oh h-hiya mister k-kwon' until Jason and Brad poked fun at him "hey fuck you guys!!! im just being polite >:(" he very quickly relaxed and settled in after that.

Then it was the return of the cocky Lineman: the bullshit master of Big Deal.

Completely harmless and well intentioned though so they dont mind. Everyone can smell it a mile away but they let him dig his own grave.

Lua

The conservative culture and the fact that not a lot of girls are in the crew means the boys don't know how to often act around her. She gets away with far too much and takes advantage of this.

Brings back stray cats and dogs to Big Deal, where her and Jerry would take care of them until Samuel reminds them they barely have enough money to feed themselves.

Samuel is the only person that can keep her in line, and who treats her like any other member. To him your gender doesn't matter as long as you're useful. Lua respects him a lot but finds him too intimidating to ever get too close.

#yeah i cropped out alexander #and ignored old face #and general timelines #fight me #lookism headcanons #lookism hc #lookism #sinu han #samuel seo #jake kim #jerry kwon #big deal #big deal golden era #lookism fanfics #wannaeatramyeon

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thedepthsoffandomminds · 7 months

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Maze runner chapter twenty one Death Cure.

Previous chapter

Masterlist

Newt lay in his hiding place, the sun hot above him as he waits for the signal. It had been six months of waiting, of looking and planning. Six months of living without you by his side. It had taken four days before fatigue finally took him over and allowed Newt to sleep. Not even Mai Mai pressing herself against could stop the nightmares. Every night Newt would dream of you, of losing you, of living without you. He didn't know how much longer he could do it. Newt needed you now more than ever.

His biggest regret was the doubt he had felt, even just briefly it had been there. When he had learnt of Ava's breeding experiment he had wondered if it was all fake. If he never truly felt love for you. Had his feelings for you been manufactured by some evil doctor? Yet as he lay in tears again on the fifth night, Mai Mai pressing against him, Newt had known that the heartache he was feeling was real.

The sound of the train coming breaks his thoughts and Newt peaks over the mountain top.

The train came apart and rolled to a stop. That was his signal, Newt leapt up and ran over to the metal vehicle. Using a very large blow torch he melted the hinges and locks that held the carriage to the base of the train. His heart beat uncontrollably in his chest as he worked. Soldiers closing in.

Finishing it, Newt climbs the ladder to the top, Thomas following him. A burg that Jorge, Brenda and the others had just stolen hovered above them releasing cables down which the boys attached to the carriage. When Vince grabbed the ladder Jorge lifted the carriage and they flew away, leaving the W.C.K.D soldiers behind.

Newt held his breath as Vince used the blowtorch to break through the locked door. It fell down with a thud. Thomas and Newt stepped in, their breaths were taken away by the sight of so many teens chained to the train. A few seats in they see Aris and Sonya, Thomas stops to speak with them as Newt passes him.

“Newt?” Your voice was like a song to him, calling to his heart. He hardly wanted to believe it when he saw your face. Your hands were pulled high above your head lifting you off the ground at the very back of the train car. He rushed up to you.

“Y/n, thank god.” He pressed his lips to yours, but you were weak to weak to really kiss him back. Vince came.pver to you and started cutting you down.

“Newt! He's not here.” Thomas said.

“What?” Newt looked around at the frightened faces looking back at him. None of them Minho.

Having cut you down Vince holds you against his side.

“Newt, here you go.” He says, helping you over to him. Newt grabs you and leads you out of the train. Frypan spots you and comes.running over.

“Hey, y/n.”

“Hi Fry,” you say with a dry throat and reach out for him. He takes your hand and helps to support your weight into the medical building, where they lay you on a cot. Aris and Sonya follow you in.

Newt grabs you some water and helps.you to drink it.

“Where's Mai Mai?” You ask.

“She's working, helping out with the other kids, she'll come up soon.” Frypan assures you. Across the room Thomas steps in, coming to your side.

“Hey,” he leans down and presses a kiss to your forehead.

“Here, drink this.” Harriet passed Aris and Sonya mugs of warm tea.

“Took you guys long enough to rescue us” Aris laughed.

“It's good to see you, too, bud. So what happened?” Thomas asked, pointing to the bruise on Aris’s left eye.

“I fought back. Tried to, anyway.” Aris said.

“You're lucky you found us at all. They had us

on the move a lot. It felt like something big was happening.” Sonya explained.

“Any idea where they were heading?” Newt asked, he had perched beside you on the cot.

“All I know is they kept talking about a city.” Aris said.

“I didn't think there were any cities left.” Harriet shook her head.

“That's because there aren't. Not still standing, anyway.” Brenda pitched in. She stepped across to you, putting a comforting hand on your shoulder.

“Okay, wait. What about Minho? Why wasn't he on the train?” Thomas asked.

“I'm sorry Thomas, he was.” Aris admits.

You push yourself to sit up, drawing everyone's attention.

“They wouldn't let us be close.” You say. Sonya laughed.

“They're what kept the rest of us going. Tried to escape anytime they put the two of them in the same room.” She giggled, “It was brilliant.”

“What did they do to you?” Newt asked. He was supporting most of your weight.

“They kept taking blood, they couldn't make it work. So they just kept taking more.” It was hard to speak through your exhaustion.

Aris lifted his arm, showing needle track marks.

“They tried giving it to us. Y/n’s blood to see if it would mix with ours.”

“Did it?” Thomas asked sceptically.

Sonya shook her head.

“There's something else. When I was with Teresa, she kept leaving me alone and I was able to look at her notes. Almost everyone in the maze was related to someone else, but they didn't keep them in the same groups. Frypan, I'm sorry but your brother…” you trail off but he just nods at you.

“Thank you.” He says quietly.

You look between Newt and Sonya, only now seeing the similarities in their eyes, their hair and their smiles.

“Newt, Sonya is your sister.” You push the words out before lying back on the bed. Newt turns to the girl beside Aris. She breathes out a heavy breath. Without speaking the two stand and cross the room, grabbing each other in an embrace.

“Hi brother.” She says to him.

After a little while the others head out for food leaving you and Newt alone.

“I'm sorry, we didn't get to you sooner.” He says to you, stroking back your hair.

“Sorry I couldn't escape.” You laugh back to him. Newt bent down and kissed you once more before a doctor came over to check on your wounds.

Next chapter

@fandomfan-102 @deanstolemydragon @afalls14universe @akilaporu001 @green-which

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animereaderinsertwriter · 2 years

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tags/warnings: a/b/o, omega trafficking, omega!reader, post-trafficked!reader, complex discourse on mating vs marriage, breakup then makeup, angst with a happy ending, mention of erectile dysfunction, eventual smut, dubcon elements

song: Careless Whisper

Part II - Part I - ao3

When his phone rang, Shoto was sitting at his own dining room table and contemplating fixing himself a drink.

Or twenty.

His mate was sitting across from him, nattering on about her day. Shoto tried not to be annoyed. It wasn’t her fault that he despised her to her very, very shallow core. It wasn’t her fault that he longed for the true mate of his heart. It wasn’t her fault, plain and simple. He just wished she would stop talking. It would be easier to pretend she didn’t exist that way.

“—and then Brenda was like, slut shaming her sister Bonnie at the office, right,” she said, waving her fork around enough to spatter sauce across the table, “and then when Bonnie walked in, oh my God, it was like—”

She paused for half a second as Shoto’s ringtone blasted. He took the opportunity to stop her gabbing for a while and reached into his pocket for it despite the poor manners of the act, but then everything ceased to matter as he saw the contact name.

(Y/N).

His heart lurched. A thousand scenarios and calculations ran through his mind as he answered the call, each of them both better and worse than the next. The call connected, Shoto answered.

“Hey,” he said, hoping he didn’t sound as desperate as he felt. “What’s up?”

Nothing. There was some shuffling, then the line went dead. A butt dial, then? No— at this time of night, (Y/N)’s phone would be on the charger as she cooked dinner. Well, unless—

Shoto visualized a calendar in his mind and counted the months and weeks. If his calculations were correct, then—

He stood. His mate, befuddled, asked where he was going.

“Out,” he replied curtly. “Don’t wait up.”

Her scent rippled with distress, and Shoto felt physical pain at the harm he’d caused her. With a curt bow, he bade her goodbye, grabbing his coat from the door on the way out.

Pain didn’t matter all that much to him anymore.

As he walked from his mate’s home to (Y/N)’s new apartment on the east side, his mind raced at the possibilities that lay before him. He hadn’t heard from his wife in months— that she was calling him now couldn’t be because things were going well. Maybe her heat had started and she’d gotten sick, as she sometimes did; in that case, it was plausible that she would have called him out of habit, then changed her mind. Or, worse, it was certainly a possibility that she’d been so sick that she couldn’t speak to answer him. That would make sense if the heat had affected her quirk, as it sometimes did. So often had she used her voice quirk, Scream, to defend herself against attackers during her heat that her body had begun to associate that flux of hormones with vocal damage. All of those options were plausible, possible, even likely. Still, though, one other distinct possibility had lodged itself firmly in Shoto’s mind and refused to leave, drowning out all else.

Maybe, in the midst of her heat, (Y/N) had wanted him.

The thought alone had him half-hard in his pants, which was a miracle in and of itself. During the time that he and (Y/N) had been separated, he had tried to be a good mate, help his partner through her heat, give her the things he owed her as her alpha, but— well. He hadn’t been able to hold an erection for her to save his life. No matter the position, no matter the hormones, it was like— it was like he was broken. No that he cared, or that it mattered. He felt so hollow these days. Perhaps it was for the better.

Shoto shook those thoughts away. He'd never had a moment's trouble with (Y/N). When he thought of her wet and wanting him, thinking of him, longing for him as she fucked herself with her fingers, comfortable at long last with her own pleasure, he found the idea heavy and heady in his mind, and he felt his body rise to the occasion.

Easy, he warned himself as he began the climb up the stairs to (Y/N)'s apartment. She might not react well to alpha hormones blazing right off the get-go. Breathe, control it.

The last thing Shoto expected to find at the end of that last flight of stairs was an open door and alpha scent. Suddenly alert, wary, he spread his hands, summoning flame to light the apartment, and what he found killed any warm and fuzzy alpha desires he might have had.

(Y/N)'s apartment had been absolutely trashed. Every drawer had been dumped out, every piece of furniture upended; there wasn't a single thing in the place left intact. A few scents, mostly alpha, caught Shoto's attention, and his blood ran cold when he didn't find (Y/N) anywhere within. Gradually, his hero instincts surfaced, analyzing, understanding; shortly after, his alpha instincts raged forth, for once in accordance with his own heart.

With calm and sure fingers, Shoto dialed his secretary's number. Hopefully he wouldn't be bothering the man at a bad time, even if it wouldn't be the first time Shoto had called in his skills after hours.

"Lee-san," Shoto said when his secretary answered, "I need you to get in touch with the most elite heroes we have access to at the agency. My wife is missing, and I'm going to find her. Send a good tracker with them— I'm not waiting for them when the trail is this fresh."

"Todoroki-san!" Lee interjected, stepping harshly on Shoto's delicate, fraying patience. "Forgive my saying so, but you should wait for backup to—"

Shoto hung up. He didn't have time for nonsense. With purposeful strides, he made his way to the threshold of the door where (Y/N)'s scent was most fresh, and inhaled deeply. Closing his eyes, he allowed her scent— intimate, familiar— to swell, linger in his nose. He opened his eyes, and as he began his descent of their stairs, he could ever-so-faintly catch the scent of his wife lingering in the air.

I'm coming, darling, he thought, murder on his mind. Hang in there.

***

(Y/N) came to with her hands tied above her head and slick coating her thighs. A thick gag had been forced into her mouth, a few men— one alpha, one omega, one beta— stood before her, talking amongst themselves. By the time (Y/N) had truly awakened, the three of them had noticed her consciousness, and the alpha grinned at her, voracious and predatory.

"Good evening, Mrs. Todoroki," he greeted her, his hormones loud and fragrant as he moved closer. "My friends and I have some questions about your husband and his agency."

If (Y/N) could have laughed, she would have. Instead, she kicked wildly out with one leg, attempting to strike at the alpha, but the blow felt short. All she caught was air, and the alpha smirked.

"We thought that might be your feeling," he said. "To remedy that, we brought a little something that we thought would persuade you to feel differently."

The omega reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small rectangular box. He opened it, revealing a syringe and glass bottle, and panic ripped through (Y/N) as swiftly and violently as a wolf's teeth through sheep-flesh. Desperate with fear, she began to thrash, screaming for help through the gag in her mouth, knowing no one would come.

This is it, she thought, squeezing her eyes shut. This is how I die. I can't do this again. I can't.

"Do it," the alpha commanded. "Bernard, hold her still."

The beta stepped forward. Once he was within range, (Y/N) unleashed hell, hitting him squarely in the belly, chest, then throat with her foot as many times as she could before she was finally subdued, held at knifepoint by her larger, stronger captor.

"Hurry up," grumbled Bernard the beta to his omega counterpart. "I can't stand the smell of her."

Despite herself, (Y/N)'s face warmed with embarrassment. A fresh wave of cramps hit her, followed by a rush of fluid, and she closed her eyes once more, wishing to be anywhere else.

There was a sharp, burning pain in her neck as the syringe was inserted. Once it was done, Bernard released her, and (Y/N) felt herself begin to tremble. Hot tears seared her cheeks. Her heart raced, and she felt queasy; it would only be a matter of time, she knew, before she was no longer herself. Hopefully, her years of forced overuse of heat enhancers would give her some level of tolerance to it, but (Y/N) could not doubt the drug's effectiveness. In a few minutes, she would be begging for alpha cock and would do or say anything to get it.

The humiliation was the worst part, she decided. To be damned by your own biology— how pathetic.

As her tears fell, (Y/N) thought of Shoto. She wondered what he would think of her; she wondered if he would blame himself. Then, remembering his new mate, she wondered if he would care at all, or if his biology had damned her as well.

The drug was working. (Y/N) could feel her temperature rising, sweat forming on her brow. She twisted uncomfortably, her numb arms and aching shoulders stiff from the abuse of the ropes she was hung from. Her abdomen began cramping once more, and she cried out against the pain.

Shoto, she thought, her heart longing for the only man she had ever loved. Shoto.

(Y/N) lost herself. She wanted— she needed an alpha, needed a mate, needed to be bred. She felt that she might die without it. It was hot, it was so hot, it was too fucking hot— there was an alpha across the way, but he was too far. She couldn't move. Why couldn't she move? She was an omega in heat, why wasn't the alpha coming to her? Didn't he want her?

"Oh, yes," she felt more than heard the alpha say. "She'll be ready to talk soon."

Something within (Y/N) stirred. She sniffed the air. She sniffed again, then wrinkled her nose. This alpha was unworthy. He smelled weak, like soured milk and a mother's teat. She couldn't allow this one to breed her; his offspring wouldn't last even a mild summer, much less a harsh winter. Whatever happened, it couldn't be him. She wouldn't allow it.

But then, she ached. She needed an alpha— needed, needed, needed—

A crash sounded in the distance, followed by gunfire. Another crash, a scream. (Y/N) squirmed, her body sensing something amiss, and the alpha in front of her turned to the door, his scent turning acrid with piss-smelling fear. The door burst open, slammed off of its hinges by an icy battering ram, and then there was a new alpha presence in the room that drew (Y/N)'s full attention.

Shoto Todoroki— tall, imposing, and deadly— stood before her, emanating rage and raw power. An alpha's growl ripped from his throat, harsh and bone-chilling; (Y/N) keened, her aching body arching, and with a single flick of his fingers, Shoto froze every other man in the room solid.

Now that was an alpha. That was a fit mate, a fine sire for strong pups. It was this one or none, (Y/N) decided.

The alpha approached her, his strides full of predatory power and grace. He was speaking to her in low, gentle tones made quick by concern, but (Y/N) didn't hear any of it as he wrapped her legs around his waist. Gently, he held her so that she wouldn't fall when he used white-hot flames to sever the ropes that bound her; pressed so close to him, (Y/N) could smell the rising hormones of the alpha, could feel his body responding to hers in the stirring of pre-rut. Once she was free and the ropes slipped from her hands, Shoto removed the gag from her mouth, and then there was nothing between (Y/N) and the urging of her body.

(Y/N) opened her mouth wide and sank her teeth into the flesh of the junction between his neck and shoulder. She bit down hard, hard enough to draw blood, hard enough to truly wound, and the alpha who held her roared in pain. Primitive pride rose in (Y/N), knowing she had shown him her strength; now, he would know that she would be a strong mother to strong pups. Satisfied, she released the pressure of her teeth against the mark, pulling back— but she didn't get very far before her alpha bit her in turn, using equal force and tenacity.

The thrill of the bond crashed through her with all the force and sensation of a broken spine. There was a pop, then acute agony— she whined, high and needy, but her alpha did not release her. He held her there, demanding her complacence, and she willingly gave it, her body convulsing with the force of the bond.

He released her, pulling away. His lips and teeth were bloody, and (Y/N) surged forward, tasting the coppery flavor of her own blood from his incisors. Her alpha turned the motion into a kiss, strong but gentle; his warm hand splayed over her back, steadying her as he tasted her lips, tongue, and teeth.

"Mate," he said in a soft alpha purr, and (Y/N) could bear it no longer.

"Please," was all she had the coherence to say, and, thankfully, that was all Shoto needed to hear.

With soft strength, her alpha knelt on the ground, careful to keep a gentle hold of her; with tender kisses, he lowered her to let her back rest on the floor. As she lay trembling beneath him, he took a single flaming finger and flayed open her shirt, then her pants, leaving her entirely bare. As his own clothes got the same treatment, (Y/N)'s thighs and pussy felt suddenly chilled from being so wet and exposed to open air— but thankfully, that discomfort didn't last for long. Shoto stroked his hard cock once, twice, then lined himself up with her entrance and pushed inside. (Y/N) arched into him, unable to think much past full— so full!— and then he was moving, readjusting so that his face was tucked into the mark he'd left moments before and their entire torsos were touching.

It was in this way that he fucked her. With deep, powerful strokes, he sated the need inside her. There was no hurry to the act, no heated rush; there was only deep, aching fulfillment, a thorough claiming. (Y/N) found herself keening, high and desperate as Shoto licked and sucked at the bond marking over her neck, still steadily fucking her. She came not long after, her body sore and sick with stress but so, so satisfied.

It was a while yet before her alpha finished, following her into bliss— but when he did, it was inside her, his knot swelling to tie them together until the moment came for them to separate. Exhausted, (Y/N) took comfort in the heavy weight of her alpha draped over her. Wrapped in his warmth, she allowed sleep to overtake her, trusting Shoto with her safety as she rested.

***

(Y/N) and Shoto sat together in the waiting room of the doctor's office, awkwardly leaving a seat between them as they waited to be called back.

It had been a week since the incident. Once backup had arrived on the scene to find Shoto and (Y/N) entangled, mated, and wounded by the uncharacteristic violence of their mating bites, Shoto had come back to himself enough to be embarrassed by the state of things. An hour later, sitting at the side of (Y/N)'s hospital bed, Shoto had come back to himself enough to feel bone-deep shame, not at how he'd been found, but at his own actions. How could he have lost himself so thoroughly and with so little resistance that he would risk the life of the woman he loved? How could he have been so stupid, so mindless, so selfish?

(Y/N) hadn't even blamed him, though. When she’d finally woken after a death-like sleep, she had turned her head to him, ever sweet, ever gentle, and said,

“Thank you.”

She had smiled at him then, her eyes full of tears. Shoto had felt sick with shame and unworthiness, but he didn’t have time to say anything back before what little strength (Y/N) had left her, and her eyes closed once more.

Since then, they hadn’t spoken. Natsuo, ever protective of his favorite sister-in-law, had ensured that Shoto was kicked out of the hospital room and escorted to the police station to give his statement, and the next thing Shoto knew, he was being handed papers saying that he had a new mating bond— a strong, legally binding bond, and apparently, his only bond. After that, he’d been dragged to his old mate’s home by one of her friends and had since been dealing with the aftermath of the violent breaking of such a bond by staying on Touya’s couch and hiding from everyone and everything until the whole thing blew over.

Now, at Natsuo’s recommendation, Shoto and (Y/N) were meeting with a physician to see about the bond— to confirm its existence, the health of the bonded, and the dissolution of any previous bonds belonging to either party. Additionally, they would likely be given the option to dissolve the bond using chemical injections and physical separateness.

Selfishly, Shoto hoped it didn’t come to that. Desperately, he hoped that by some miracle, (Y/N) would look at him once more and see someone worth loving, worth being with; he hoped against all hope that she could still love him despite all that he had done to her.

She hadn’t contacted him during the week, though. She hadn’t said so much as a word to anyone outside of Natsuo, who was still angry enough that he was barely speaking to Shoto. She must be furious, or hurt, or—

“Shoto?”

He looked over to find (Y/N) staring at him, nervously wringing her hands.

“Yeah?”

There were tears in her eyes as she spoke.

“I’m sorry.”

Confused, he blinked.

“For what, darling?”

Her composure broke, then. Tears rolled down her cheeks and her face scrunched, and Shoto could bear the distance between them no more. He moved to the empty chair between them, wrapping his arm around her shoulders, and she wept into his side, all the while still trying to apologize.

“I— keep, like— ruining everything,” she cried, shaking with the force of her tears. “You— you were settled with your mate and then I— and then I called you because I’m stupid and then I— and then I—”

She couldn’t finish. She collapsed in on herself, utterly hysterical, and Shoto held her. Shamefully, there was a small, fervent part of him that was glad to hold her, to have the warmth of her body pressed against him; he felt the urge to press his lips against the still-fresh wound of her mark, to use his alpha wiles to soothe and calm her, but managed to resist, if only by inches.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” he told her gently, rubbing his hand over her back. “I’m glad you called me.”

“You— you are?”

She looked up at him, eyes wet and shining with her tears.

“I am,” he replied, squeezing her arm. “Because you called, I was able to find you. I would have died if—”

He cleared his throat.

“If something had happened to you.”

Those were not the words he’d meant to say. He’d meant to say, I would have died if it had been any other man there saving you. If you had marked and bonded another alpha, I would have never recovered.

(Y/N) watched him, her eyes ever-sharp, and she moved to pull away.

“That’s very sweet of you,” she said through her sniffles, as though she hadn’t understood a thing he said. “You’re- you’re always so considerate, but that doesn’t m-mean that you deserve what happened as a result.”

Shoto didn’t think before he spoke. The words bubbled up and came out quite without his permission.

“If you’re referring to the bond,” he told her, staring deep into her eyes, “I’m glad it happened.”

(Y/N)’s eyes grew wide, but Shoto wasn’t finished.

“Maybe the circumstances could have been better, and maybe we could have found a way to hurt one another less in the process, but truthfully, darling—”

He took her hand in his.

“I was miserable before, with that other woman. I hated her and longed for you every waking moment. It might be selfish, but what happened gave me the chance to be bonded to the woman I have always loved, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

(Y/N) stared at him, speechless. She probably hated him now, Shoto thought distantly. She probably thought he was the most selfish, boneheaded alpha asshole—

“Shoto Todoroki,” she said, and her scent began to gather, coalescing aggressively into something wonderful and terrifying, “Do you mean to say—”

She stopped, her throat tightening, and Shoto told her the only truth he knew.

“I love you,” he told her. “I never stopped.”

In the beautiful, impossible way that only she could manage, (Y/N) smiled like she was seeing color in the world for the first time. She took Shoto’s breath away, and he just couldn’t help himself any longer. He kissed her softly, tenderly, and her hands came up to brace on his shoulders. Her thumb brushed the bite mark she’d left on him earlier in the week, and a growl escaped his lips, drawing attention from the other people in the waiting room.

“Take me home,” (Y/N) said, pulling away to look in his eyes. “I need you, Shoto.”

Shoto tried very hard to concentrate.

“But the doctor—”

“Damn the doctor.” She brushed her hand over Shoto’s bond mark again, and he shivered. “Take me home. To our home.”

Shoto only needed to be told twice.

“Let’s go then,” he said, standing. “To our home.”

So they went.

Afterwards, they talked. They talked about everything— Shoto’s time with the other woman, (Y/N)’s career at the branch office, the feelings they both had about what happened. In the middle of things, Natsuo called, worried out of his mind about their missed appointment, but when he heard (Y/N)’s laughter in the background, he was immediately mollified, telling Shoto not to fuck it up again. In the space of a single afternoon, the misery of six months was erased, long-forgotten in the face of deep, enduring love.

“It was worth it though,” said (Y/N) thoughtfully. “Everything we’ve been through has been worth it to me to get here, with you.”

Shoto thought about it. He considered the heartache, the anguish, the misery; he considered his current happiness, and the love he bore his wife and mate.

“It was worth it,” he agreed. “You are worth it.”

And so it was.

#my hero academia x reader #my hero imagines #shoto todoroki #todoroki shoto x reader #mha x reader #shoto todoroki x reader #mha fnafiction #bnha fanficiton #bnha x reader

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doomandgloomfromthetomb · 9 months

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INTERVIEWS ETC 2023

I sometimes talk to people! Going back over the last year, I had some nice conversations with some very cool people. I like doing interviews, but they definitely stress me out a little bit. I suppose it's good to get out of your comfort zone from time to time, though ... So yeah, here are a few of those interviews, in case you missed 'em the first time around.

HEAD VOICE (James Jackson Toth, Ben Chasny, Donovan Quinn)

Donovan Quinn: There’s one aspect of process which is like a user manual. You know, turning on a machine, how you control the bass or whatever. But then there’s a part of process which is more of our terrain, where it’s kind of a story. An artist or a group of artists is interacting with all these elements — each other, gear, inspiration. With each of our pieces in Head Voice, we’re getting little bits of that story.

ILYAS AHMED

With my record, I’ve seen people reference Loren Connors, which is great — I’m a huge fan of Loren Connors. But I’m always comparing it to something like Bill Fay, maybe in an emotional sense. Or like, Neil Young — how do I make “Cortez The Killer” … but not just copy it. One of my favorite Coltrane tunes is “Alabama.” Those eternal favorites you always come back to. How can I make something that feels like that without just doing that, right? I’m not interested in copying it, I’m interested in transmuting it, making it fit into my weird perspective of the world.

WILL HERMES

As an artist, [Lou] was a “transformer,” and everybody has their own version of who he was. What they want him to be, what aspect of his character they wanted to take in. I tried to show them all. I don’t know if they all morph into a single, intelligible human being. But maybe that is part of what was endlessly fascinating about him. He was all of these things simultaneously and they didn’t all necessarily add up.

M. SAGE

I think it’s radical to have fun. And to be silly. It’s not meant as escapism or denial, but the world is dark and weird. And it keeps getting darker and weirder. It’s radical for an artist to afford an audience joy or pleasure. I mean, I love a lot of that solemn, serious, foreboding electro-acoustic music. There’s incredible stuff, obviously. But I wanted to make something that felt fun. And accessible! That’s radical, too, I think.

HORSE LORDS

Andrew Bernstein: We’re trying to make things that sound interesting to us, first and foremost. But we’re also hoping that the music and the way we operate spurs the listener to think differently. Every act is political, and our decisions might make someone reconsider how they make music or how they go about their lives.

BRENDA SAUTER

“The Obedient Atom” at White Eagle Hall was really special. That was one of the original Willies songs and it never got recorded. It was one of those songs that was always left behind for one reason or another. To finally play it out just felt incredible … and then the fire alarm went off and everyone had to evacuate [laughter]. There’s something about that song! Surreal. The atom wasn’t so obedient that night.

Further reading: Bill Million on the Feelies' live tribute to an Underground legend

GUIDING LIGHT: A TOM VERLAINE APPRECIATION

Alasdair MacLean: I also think of some of Stephan Mallarme’s phrases – “the musician of empty nothingness.” Verlaine seemed to be working in parallel: “Watching the corners turn corners;” “Lightning struck itself.” The language turns in on itself, like the guitar solos. He obviously knew those poets back to front. I imagine lots of other people have tried to do this since, but all of them have made fools of themselves. Verlaine never did.

Further reading: Tom Verlaine - 20 Great Tracks

SPIRAL STAIRS

When we first started talking about rehearsing, I was like, “We’re probably going to be playing the same 20 songs. Let’s just pick another 15 songs that we know we can bust out.” Eventually, we finally came to that point…but then in rehearsals we ended up playing probably like 60 songs [laughs]. I’m like, “Oh my god!” That was just for the two Primavera shows, so it was like “Come on!” It took a while to re-learn all of that stuff.

#pavement #television #m. sage #the feelies #lou reed #will hermes #ilyas ahmed #the wild carnation #the velvet underground #tom verlaine #horse lords #six organs of admittance #donovan quinn #aquarium drunkard #james jackson toth #head voice

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jodilin65 · 34 years

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WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 31, 1990 I deliberately slept till 8:30 this evening as Andy and I couldn’t have auditioned cuz Andy’s without a car till it’s fixed. Brenda’s also without a car, but tomorrow morning at 7:00, she and Kevin are going to look at a car this guy’s selling for $600. Or, I should say instead, they’re going to pick it up. They’ve already seen the car. So anyway, I made myself sleep long and late to reverse my schedule for a week or so. Then it’ll go back to nights till I want to or need to reverse it again.

I’ll tape Unsolved Mysteries, but I’ll have to miss Hunter. I’m also gonna cancel Martha.

Early in the morning, Brenda’s gonna call me so I can get stamps to mail my mail which is all set and ready to go. Also, she’s going to take me to Food Mart, then when she brings me home I’m gonna do laundry.

Tonight I finished putting up my pictures in a different way and it looks really nice. I also changed the cat box and swept the kitchen floor. After I finish my tea, I’ll listen to some music and do some drawing.

Later…

John isn’t working today. Meanwhile, I tried to get a hold of Dr. Statz, but she’s on vacation I guess for a couple of weeks. I don’t know if I wrote about her but one of the 3 times I was in the ER, she treated me. I’m 100% sure the male nurse, working with her was gay and I’m about 85% sure she was gay. I was just totally touched by her and it was weird cuz she wasn’t overly attractive. There was just something about her, you know, like Linda’s song goes; It’s not that you’re attractive, but oh my heart grew active when you came into view. And I had a crush on her. Sweetie pie.

And ever since then, I haven’t forgotten about her. I can hear God too, saying, “Uh-uh, against the rules.” I think he wants me with someone less attractive so I can learn to look at only people’s personalities. But I’d never be with Brenda if she were a bad person. Maybe another reason God has is that if I get dumped, I won’t be as hurt as much as I would be if I were overwhelmed. I still long for that someone with the character and personality I most desire and to feel that special once-in-a-lifetime sexual spark.

Please, God, please! Answer my prayers. Do it someday very soon. Please. God, what if I made a deal with you right here in this book? And that deal is if I promise to try my hardest to quit smoking, then will you think about it? Also, a beginning break with my singing, then I’ll pursue it from there. I hope you put some big and serious consideration into my requests. If singing and having that special someone and a baby are 3 too many things to ask for, then I’ll understand. I’ll settle for the singing and the special person only and give up the baby without ever asking for anything else.

Later…

Around 9:00 this morning Kevin and Brenda came and got me and dropped me off at Food Mart. Then, I waited a good long exhausting wait while Brenda brought Kevin to Palmer, then back to pick me up. After she picked me up she brought me to Shopper’s where I got a photocopy made of my birth certificate and stamps for my mail which I mailed in the box right outside the store.

While waiting for Brenda at Food Mart I saw Allison. We spoke briefly and she said she’d give me a call soon.

So all my errands are done except for Friday when I get the pigs more food and their big bail of sawdust. I still need to call Philip and John and tomorrow I’m definitely, no matter what, going to go see Paula. Jessie’s probably gonna call today. She’s another one I need to see, and she and Brenda can meet each other.

I finally got back here at 10:30 this morning and I fell asleep till 3:30. I’m exhausted but I’m gonna stay this way so that at 11:00 tonight, after Hunter, I can go to sleep. I better not wake up either, like around 3:00 in the morning and not be able to go back to sleep till 6:00 or 7:00, then sleep till mid-late afternoon. I want to be up in the mornings from tomorrow until next Tuesday. That means the next 5 mornings.

Later…

When I got up I made a pork chop and some angel hair pasta and got a call from my sister. Tammy said Ma said to her, “I don’t want Jodi alone for her b-day, Chanukah or Thanksgiving.”

Tammy also said Ma said to drive in and get me in the morning and bring me back the next day. Tammy said she then tried to explain to Mom that it’s impossible with 3 kids, the business, and with Bill working till 6:30 at night. Then Tammy said Ma pulled her typical line of, “Good-bye, Tammy.”

I guess Ma fails to remember that I’m not alone. I’m not single anymore and my girlfriend is fully willing to drive me down this Saturday and for Thanksgiving and also for my birthday and Chanukah which Tammy says she’ll combine into one big party. I mean, Tammy’s right. She can’t up and go drive for that amount of time and it’s pretty strange why Ma’s so concerned about me not being alone for all these things.

I’ve spent them alone before but then again when your own God damn aunt and uncle invite you over for Thanksgiving like they did last year, then conveniently forget to call you and pick you up, that’s not my fault, is it?

Another thing Tammy mentioned is that Ma bragged about all this time she was gonna spend with Tammy, Bill and the kids which turned out to be a joke. Tammy said she wanted to spend the day with me. HA. It was a wonderful hour we had.

All I can say is, I’ve had it with this family shit and I don’t wanna know from nothing. I haven’t had to deal with it for 5 years and I’m not about to deal with it now. Also, I’m not going to Florida either. A week’s vacation isn’t worth a week of her bullshit along with it. I mean, that’s not how my vacation packages or anyone else’s should be. Really, if it were an ad it’d read like this: We’ll give you a week’s free vacation with all expenses paid, but the catch is that you must put up with Dureen O’s bullshit.

Another case of taking the bad with the good. Fuck that!

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 30, 1990 I wish I was just waking up, but instead, I am wide awake. I slept till 6pm. I’ve been so zonked out cuz I’ve had to be up at a certain time for a certain reason and wasn’t getting enough hours of sleep.

I have many errands to do such as buying pig and cat food. I also need a bail of sawdust, stamps, and to make a photocopy of my birth certificate.

The mouse, who’s getting bigger, is now riding his wheel, and boy is Shadow ever getting big fast.

Andy came over earlier and we made some phone calls to people who had ads in the Advocate to sell things.

Andy’s really upset. He’s having trouble with Miles. Needs to find a job. Needs to pay bills. Got in a car accident which he’s going to have to pay almost $1,000 to fix. It’s not fair that some drunken girl, who did get arrested, slammed into a parked car, then Andy slammed into her, yet Andy’s at fault. He was wearing his seatbelt and the scary thing is, is that if I was in the car, I probably wouldn’t have had my seatbelt on and I’d have gone through the windshield. Who knows how many stitches I’d have to have gotten in my face. There are so many fucked up drivers it’s amazing. And very, very scary, too.

I’m so pissed at myself cuz I just remembered I was supposed to have called Philip 3 days ago, and John, and see Paula.

Later…

I’m writing here on the waterbed and I put the mouse on the floor inside his plastic ball, and Shadow’s having a hell of a time watching him and wishing so desperately to play with him. Or eat him. It’s quite a funny sight to see when he’s in his ball running around with Shadow chasing him. It also was so cute when Shadow was sitting in Toffee’s cage. He doesn’t want to harm the other animals, but he may accidentally cuz his playing may be too rough for them cuz he claws and bites.

Those drawings I did really blew my mind. I never could draw a line on a piece of paper before and I feel good yet weird. It’s like - what’s next? I discover one thing after another I can do. If not perfectly, then better than most.

Here comes Shadow once again to enjoy Gremlin after taking a dump in his shit box.

Me and Andy may possibly go to an audition together early this evening so I hope I get some sleep before then. Right now I’m gonna go listen to music. I haven’t listened at all today. After that, hopefully, I’ll get some sleep, get up early in the afternoon and get my errands done, call John and Philip and maybe even see Paula.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 27, 1990 I fell asleep at 5:30 PM after being up 21½ hours and of course, almost an hour ago I woke right up. I was kind of hoping I’d sleep till 5 AM. Anyway, guess what I’m doing today at 9 AM? Taking the police exam. I called Boston after talking to Tony today out here on Locust St. during a car accident. He said the people weren’t hurt too bad and that it had to do with insurance and he was tired of supporting the welfare recipients. So, I mentioned the exam to him and some other cop and they said that maybe the test was canceled due to all the layoffs, and to call Boston and check. When I called, I told the woman I never received my notice and she said that they did have trouble with their mailings and asked me for my social security number. I gave it to her and then she read back my name and address and said it was tomorrow morning at 9 AM. It’s at Converse High on State St. They allow you 3 hours for the test, but you’re free to leave when you’re done. There are 100 questions which means I cannot get more than 30 wrong. She said it’ll be 120 days before they mail me my marks. That’s 4 months, unfortunately, and she says there are around 2000 people taking the test. Lastly, she said to bring a birth certificate, a photo ID, and some number 2 pencils. Brenda took me to Shopper’s Drug where she met Emily and Emily gave me the pencils. Well, I bought them, of course. And a pack of cigarettes like a jerk.

I was going to go to Tammy’s tomorrow but Brenda’s got a visit with her kids she can’t cancel and Bill’s here tomorrow and Monday. Maybe Tuesday. Tammy’s gonna be pissed and I understand that and I’m dying to see Sarah, but this test only comes up once every two years.

Later…

It definitely doesn’t look like I’m going back to sleep so I’ll write for a while. I’ve got a CD playing. Fleetwood Mac’s Greatest Hits. It’s pretty good. I like most of the songs on it. Some are boring.

Tomorrow, after the test, I’ve still got to get pig food and a heavyweight bowl for Tigger. I’m getting pretty sick of him either knocking it over or slamming it up against the side of his cage. I’ve got to get food for Gremlin and Shadow, too. Also stamps and paper plates. And it’s also about time to buy another big bail of sawdust. There’s always something to buy. Such as Gloria’s new record.

I think maybe I’ll go hem some more of those pants Kacey gave me.

Later…

Well, I didn’t hem the pants. One pair didn’t quite fit since I gained weight, but I just took my measurements and I’ve gone down an inch since 3 days ago when I started exercising my ass off and taking Slim-Fast. I did, however, hem an old shirt that was almost to my ankles. I brought it up to mid-thigh length. It came out better than I’d thought but I’ll have Brenda check it out to make sure it’s not crooked. I’m not too thrilled with the way it falls but I’ll ask Brenda.

After I take my shower I’m gonna put another coat of nail polish on and I’m not sure yet what I’ll wear. Something casual. I hope after the test and my errands are done that I can catch a couple of hours of sleep so I can go out to the Halloween party at the Pub tonight. I want to wear my new black lace skirt. Part of me hopes Brenda ends up too tired to go so I can observe others without her observing me observe others. But then again we mutually do look at other women and we’re honest with each other. In the long run, Brenda will never have anything to worry about cuz gay women, of course, are a major turn-off to me in general, and it’s against the rules for me to have someone I’m attracted to. Oh well. At least God allows people to be attracted to me which is nice as long as it’s not major sickos. I mean, everyone gets that here and there, but the good thing is, is that as time goes on I’m having an easier time getting better people even if I don’t quite meet my desired standards.

Ok, time for my second coffee, then my shower.

Later…

Brenda dropped me off at 8:30 this morning, and they made everyone who didn’t get their notice to appear for the test go into a room, and they gave us an “appear” card after checking to see if our names were on the list, and also our photo IDs and birth certificates, in which I’ve got to photocopy and mail to Boston.

They had us print and write our names and they compared them with our signatures on our licenses.

There were several butches there and I got stared down good by guys and butches. This Hispanic girl was sitting next to me. I’m not sure, but I think she was gay with the way she gave me this huge smile and waved at me the second I walked in. I sat next to her and we chatted here and there before the test. She urged me to choose South Hadley for 1 of my 4 choices of cities or towns I wanted to work in. My first choice was Springfield, however, and I had no choice cuz you had to pick, for first choice, the place you lived in for the last 12 months. My second choice was East Longmeadow. I would’ve chosen Longmeadow, but it wasn’t listed. My third choice was West Springfield. My fourth choice was Chicopee.

Another thing was that there were two classroom monitors. One man, one woman. The woman constantly stared at me. I caught her once and her face turned bright red. Then after the test, as I was leaving, I could see her grinning to herself with the same red face.

We didn’t start the test till 9:30 and I finished at almost 12:30. I’m not sure whether I passed or failed. There were some tricky questions that I had to go over and over. I’ll know sometime in February. I am anxious though and never have wanted to speed up time so badly in my life. I usually don’t care about time or wish I could stop it and drop dead.

The landlord will be here any minute to fix the heat. Today and all last night I froze my ass off.

I told Tammy I’d be down next weekend and she said she wasn’t mad and that she understood and to think positive about the test.

After the landlord leaves, I hope I can catch a few hours of sleep so I can go out tonight.

I called Philip and told him about the test and he’s happy about it and he asked me to keep him posted. He also told me to call him tomorrow. I called John too, and he was both pleased and proud. Then lastly, I spoke with Andy.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 26, 1990 I’m going nuts just sitting around here, so since I can’t have music, I’ve got to find something. Those dickheads never sent me my notice for the police exam, but I figured as much to begin with. I don’t know who’s responsible, therefore, I don’t know who to call to bitch about it. Oh well, like I said, I figured I’d never be notified just like I knew I’d never get that security job at Mercy with John.

Why is it that anything I’d be good at and want to do I just can’t? It just wasn’t meant to be. If I was smart, a long time ago I’d have chosen a career I hate, never want to have a baby and if I’m ever single again, I’d pick all the ones I don’t want or that are just ok. Actually, they pick me, so I should say.

Later…

I tried calling Philip about the stereo but he’s not at work and not answering his phone at home.

Today, I’m gonna go to Food Mart for cat food, stamps, and paper plates. Also, I want to go to Brightwood Hardware in Longmeadow for pig and mice food.

I’m getting tired as hell but I want to push it as far as I can so I sleep somewhat into the night. With my luck, however, after 3 or 4 hours of sleep, I’ll bolt wide awake and not be able to fall back asleep.

I’m really starting to want to work. I need extra money and this being at home all the time bit is really getting to me. But since I can’t sing or be a cop and am too chicken to drive the cab, what can I do other than McDonald’s or something really boring and stupid?

I’m gonna call apartment rental people for general information about duplexes. I know I can never afford it, but it never hurts to get some information. I’ll go get the yellow pages.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 25, 1990 I’m still wide awake and probably will be for a while. I’m just having a grand old time with the new phone. There’s a mute button on it too, and you don’t need to keep holding it down like you do on most other phones. You hit it once and a red light glows which tells you it’s in use, and to discontinue the mute, you hit it again and the red light goes off.

A little while ago I listened to the 45 of the song Take a Chance On Me by ABBA. I bought it today at One Stop Records. I always liked that song and I used to have that record. I don’t know whatever happened to it, along with tons of other records. They either got old or I got sick of them or they were stolen.

Later…

Why, oh, why didn’t I stay the fuck off cigarettes!?! I had 3 cigarettes in 1 week and here I go and smoke a whole pack yesterday and today I’ve had close to a pack. What a jerk, huh? I’m gonna go chuck the rest of my pack, try again till I absolutely can’t fight the urge to smoke, and listen to music.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 24, 1990 Well, I’m going to need to go to sleep as soon as possible so in order to help myself sleep, I’m gonna listen to music for a while.

Tomorrow morning I’ve got to call Philip about fixing my stereo. I can’t put it off any longer.

Also, I see Martha at 4:00. I’m not sure if I mentioned it but I think she just may have a thing for me. It’s just this feeling I get and it’s also certain things she says and certain ways she says things. Oh well. Of course, I’ll keep my mouth shut about it. She is married, after all, and she also swore she never mixes business with pleasure and that’s fine and respected by me.

I want to go to Caldor’s too, to see if Gloria’s new album is out. I’m not sure of the name of it and it’s not new songs. They’re all old hits, but they’re in Spanish.

Later…

I just finished killing a spider, which like most spiders, was on the ceiling. I sprayed it with lots of Lysol and perfume to get it down so I could swat it.

Today I got this awesome and I mean totally awesome speakerphone I ordered last week. Now I need to make 4 payments of $22 but it’s worth it. I love it. I can be doing something like writing or making coffee and still talking to someone. Also, I can play people the edits which they can hear well and hear their reactions, and if it’s an answering machine, I can hear it beep when it ends. Another thing too, is if my call waiting beeps, I’ll hear that too.

This insurance company’s got a hell of a long machine. Brenda and I passed it on the way home from Baystate Waste after I saw Martha and I said to myself, “I bet they have a machine.”

By the way, Martha definitely has no desire for a woman. She’s 100% straight as an arrow.

Andy’s got company now so he’s gonna call me later, and Fran’s not home. I’m bored and I love this phone so I may as well go and have a field day with it and look under insurance companies in the yellow pages. It does seem like a lot of insurance companies have answering machines.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 23, 1990 Brenda brushed out my hair for me, and God is it getting long. It’s almost to my very lower back and the layers are growing out. The very top layer, though, is completely destroyed. I have massive split ends.

Shadow’s climbing all over me. I think I mentioned before why I changed his name from Bandit to Shadow. He’s like glue. He loves to be near me constantly. Follows me everywhere like a shadow. However, when I go to bed, I shut the bedroom door cuz he always wakes me up.

One thing that’s starting to annoy me is that I’m very bloated. I wanna hurry up and get my period so I drop some water. I don’t want to take my water pill while I’m still finishing up my other medications. I did some exercising and I’m gonna do more later. Also, I’m gonna get more Slim-Fast and eat very little till I drop 10 pounds. It’s funny to say I’m chunky at 105 pounds, but then again I am a very short person, right? It’s not that I weigh too much pound-wise, it’s my shape I guess, I have so much water, too.

I took all my pictures of Gloria down last night. There are only a few in the bedroom. I wanted a change and a break from them so I put them in my file box in my closet. I’ll never throw them out cuz I’ve put so much time and money into them and it’ll be really neat to look back at them someday. Maybe I will put them back up, though, in a matter of months or someday. I still wish I could afford a duplex as I’d make the cellar the music place with the posters, the stereo and keyboards and I wish I had a washer and dryer. By God, I’d love to be able to afford that. I’d have 2 bedrooms, 1½ baths and a dishwasher too, no doubt.

Later…

I’m now watching the premiere of Law & Order. Before this, I saw In the Heat of the Night. Brenda left after Matlock. I put Brenda’s hair in a braid. It looked nice.

I still never got any notification as far as the police exam is concerned. I’m not stupid, though. They’ll never notify me worth shit.

I’m gonna go make some angel hair pasta. It is so good.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 22, 1990 I was exhausted before, but as usual, I woke right up. Man, oh man, was I just through a hell of a nightmare since the last time I wrote! I had to go to the ER 3 fucking times and I was terrified! I literally thought I was going to die and it hurt so bad I wished I would drop dead till it was over. I had the worst asthma in my life. They had to take me immediately (usually you wait forever) to give me oxygen treatments, and the last time I had an IV. It was really scary. I could only smoke 3 cigarettes in one week’s time. I’m on Prednisone for 12 days and Bactrim which is an antibiotic for 10 days. Also, I’m on Theodur and Alupent which is the same stuff in my inhaler. Theodur and Alupent are the two most common drugs used for asthma.

I saw Mom and Dad on the 15th and we had a fairly good visit. They came up for about an hour or so. They’re back in Florida now.

I may possibly be going to my sister’s this Saturday. Tammy’s really sick now, too.

Steve and I spliced a wire today so I can edit from the CD player onto the stereo and it sounds great, too. I have plenty of editing to do as well as story writing.

They raised my food stamps to $114, so I did a huge grocery order and I never had so much food in my life, but I really need to lose weight. I’m getting pretty chunky lately.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 12, 1990 It’s been one week now and I still feel like shit. Oh well. It also looks like I’m gonna have to cancel going to my sister’s tomorrow. One reason’s cuz I feel like shit and the other’s it’s contagious. I don’t want to stand and just look at my nieces from 3 feet away, I want to hold them and hug them. Tammy mentioned going next weekend if I couldn’t make it this time.

Then I’ll be seeing Mom and Dad on the 15th, and it fucking figures I’m sick so I can’t sing.

Yesterday I got 3 journals at an excellent price. I mean a really fantastic deal. Normally the 3 of them would’ve cost close to $24, but I got them for $12 in the secondhand department. I’m glad I discovered that they sell them there which is weird cuz these books are brand new and just as nice as the regular main part of the store.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 7, 1990 Tracy called me and Andy last night. We were both thrilled to hear from her. I played her the edits which she thought were great. She didn’t contact us, she said, cuz she needed space and time to sort things out.

Last night was awful. I was so full of congestion. I never knew one could have to blow their nose so much. It’s red and sore now and I feel much better now that I drained out all that shit so I guess it was worth the misery. Tomorrow, or today I should say, Bill will be here at 1:00 so I hope I can get a little sleep. I had to sleep all day today as I was so miserable. It’s called “sleeping it off.” I’m thankful I feel much better though and also thankful it wasn’t the flu. Anything but the flu. Smoking very little also helped get rid of it quicker but I couldn’t have smoked much if I wanted to. The funny thing is, though, for the last 3 days I really haven’t had much of a desire to smoke. Today I had 5 or 6 and psychologically I still think of it, but the physical part isn’t too bad.

I love this little kitty of mine to death. I’m so glad Brenda got him for me.

Share to Pinterest SATURDAY, OCTOBER 6, 1990 Yesterday, I only smoked 7 or 8 cigarettes. Today, even though I still slept till 9:00 tonight, I’ve had 3 so far. I am very, very congested so that’s part of the reason why I’ve smoked so little. Also cuz I have these sneezing fits and cuz of my wheezing. In 48 hours I’ve smoked only 11 cigarettes so that’s why I’m constantly blowing my nose like there’s no tomorrow. It gets worse before it gets better after you’ve either quit or cut down cuz all that tar and shit starts draining.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 5, 1990 Gee, I have exactly 1 day short of 2 months till I’m 25 years old. A quarter of a century.

My new little kitten, which Brenda got me, is sitting here in bed with me and he’s so loving and so affectionate. The one thing you couldn’t do with Sasha was pick her up and cuddle her or have her come to you and let you cuddle her for more than 3 seconds. His name is Bandit. He’s now trying to distract me from writing by rubbing up against my book and me and giving me kisses. He’s fairly gentle with his claws but when he gets a little older I’d like to get him neutered and declawed. You know I hate being clawed when you’re playing with them. I mean they can just sit or stand on you and their claws hurt like hell. Now he’s playing with my hair which all kittens, cats and babies love to do.

Brenda’s cab broke down yesterday afternoon and while she was at the office, the owner’s wife just happened to be giving away kittens, so that’s how I got him. That was yesterday, the day after Brenda’s b-day. He’s 6 weeks old and looks a lot like Sasha, but Sasha was gray and white. He’s orange and white and his hair’s a little shorter. It’s the same pattern as Sasha’s. I think they’re both tabby cats. He’s so loving and follows me everywhere. And he’s pretty calm and gentle, too. He knows how to pee in his litter box, but he’s still going to have to learn not to go on furniture or chew wires.

I have had absolutely no sneezing fits!!!!!!! And this cat is here to stay till death do it part. My mom was right as far as all my problems being due to smoking and I’ve known it too for quite some time but it was just too scary to admit. It’s scary to think of dealing with withdrawal after quitting but my congestion is getting really bad so I’ve had only 7 or 8 cigarettes today.

The pigs were a little jealous and depressed about Bandit, but otherwise, they’re still the usual loving troublemakers.

I bought Brenda a pair of earrings and a pair of sexy underwear for her b-day and we went to her sister Donna’s house in Palmer. And as I mentioned before, I’ve known her husband Kevin for 4 years. He knew Crystal C, too.

Donna’s a great person who anyone feels comfortable with. The type you could talk to about most anything and who accepts people for what and who they are. The kids were great and Donna’s great with the kids too, and I’d have loved to have someone like her as my mother.

Tomorrow, I’ve got to call John R and maybe I’ll try to leave a message with Dr. Goodman’s receptionist for Tracy, but only once. I also have to call Philip and go to Food Mart. Also, I wonder if Kathy will fix my bangs if I call her. She works at Food Mart and she gave me her number. We went to La Baron together. She hated it too, and she only does it on the side. My bangs really look pretty stupid so maybe she can trim and layer them.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 4, 1990 Right now I’m on the phone listening to Fran talk to Bobbie. Andy and I wish to hell Tracy would call us.

I’m turning into a very, very slightly ok artist. Of course, some of my drawings are a wee bit explicit. Guess I’ve been horny lately.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 1, 1990 My mother said something astounding. Not only was I shocked, but I also shed a few tears. I called Mom and told her that I bought a little tiny fork and spoon for Sarah and socks for Becky and Lisa. Then I told her that I agreed as far as having money and someone to help as far as having a baby is concerned. But I also told her I didn’t like being told what I should do or should not do at this age.

So I finally asked the two questions of my main concern in blunt plain English. I said, “If I have a child someday, are you going to disown me or call the state?”

She said no. I freaked with shock and joy. I absolutely and totally could not believe it.

Otherwise, no more news going on lately. Just that I had a very nice weekend with Brenda and also Gail and Judy. Gail and Judy are so nice. You feel as if you’ve known them for years. They, of course, don’t turn me on but they’re very attracted to me, so I hear. Also, it’s rather obvious by the way they look at me. Same thing with Bonny. I did their nails for them and also, a couple of weekends ago, Brenda, Judy, Gail and I went to Jam’s. We had fun, and I ran into Tracy there who said she broke up with Nancy. Guess Nancy was an alcoholic and a troublemaker. She seemed a little irritated by talking to me and left with some other girl who seemed slightly offended when I asked her if she was single.

Tracy said she was in California on the 4th of July and was so shocked at how feminine the gay women were there. That’s what she likes, too.

She did tell me to leave a message with my number at this dentist’s office where she works on Maple St. But should I really leave a message which I seriously doubt will ever get answered?

My friendship with Andy has been excellent the last several months and he admitted he was being cruel and selfish for a while and then realized it and didn’t want to lose me as his friend. He was also jealous of my looks and my abilities but instead of being negative he’s encouraging and appreciates what I do.

It’s really too bad his relationship with Miles isn’t doing too great. According to Andy, he’s too clingy and constantly wants sex. Also, cuz Andy didn’t give Miles sex for two days, Miles cheated on him. Andy’s pissed and is on the verge of dumping him. He says, though, he thinks Miles is the way he is cuz his father molested him. Also, he says Miles has a big mouth and blabbed some sexual stuff about him and Andy real loud in Friendly’s. He also talks 10 times more gayish than Andy does.

Tomorrow, I want to go see Paula and get something for Brenda, but I still can’t sleep yet and it’s now 3:17 AM. I was beat before. Sometimes life as a night owl sucks.

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jackasspenguins · 2 years

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HONORABLE MENTIONS: Before we move into the Top 3 tomorrow I wanted to share six more songs for a total of 31 on my list of my Favorite Christmas Songs. These songs were either erroneously left off my official Top 25 list or couldn't make the cut because this is harder than it looks. There are still a bunch of great songs that are getting left off, but that's what will happen when you are whittling it down from the 430 songs that are in my Christmas playlist. So without further ado, in no particular order, here are my six honorable mentions.

I will start with the one that I wrote down for being included in my top 25 but completely messed up in my counting: The Killers' Christmas masterpiece "Joel the Lump of Coal." As you may or may not know, a few years ago The Killers released a Christmas album of mostly original songs. It's one of my favorites, but the one that stands out above all the others is this one. Santa is a jerk in most of their album and that continues in this song. Joel is a sweet naïve lump of coal who thinks he is a wonderful gift for a lucky kid but quickly learns that he is quite the opposite. Joel is reluctant to leave Santa's sleigh but after seeing the sad face of the naughty kid who got him in their stocking, decides to give up his life and urges the child to channel their disappointment and anger by squeezing Joel until miraculously Joel transforms into a diamond. It's just a beautiful story and I adore this song so much. https://youtu.be/RqZxJK0JN54

Next we have the politically incorrect "Fairytale of New York" by The Pogues. It's definitely on the best of lists of many, and I do love the melodies in this song, but I can't have it on my list because of the archaic language in it. Apart from that, it definitely is a memorable song that takes the down and out mood typical of The Pogues and beautifully adapts it into a drunken Christmas tale. https://youtu.be/j9jbdgZidu8

In a similar vein as the last song, I am including "Christmas Duel" by The Hives and Cyndi Lauper. This has more profanity but it's just your garden variety profanity. The couple is absolutely bonkers and their relationship is all but ruined, but like new-fallen snow hiding the filth underneath, Christmas overshadows their hatred of each other and they long to spend it together. https://youtu.be/My5Bzf0PQhc

Moving back on the brighter side of Christmas, the next song is just over two minutes long but that's all it needs to hit the spot. I'm talking about Brenda Lee's "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" which was penned by none other than Johnny Marks, who also wrote a plethora of Christmas songs including "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" and "Holly Jolly Christmas." I love rockabilly and this is without question the best rockabilly Christmas song out there. https://youtu.be/DSHGd4lmLd4

This isn't necessarily a Christmas song, but I like it better than his actual Christmas song. I'm talking about George Harrison's "Give Me Love (Give Me Peace On Earth)." He tried releasing a Christmas song a year later called "Ding Dong Ding Dong" but I think it's vastly inferior to Give Me Love. It's a plea to God to help deal with his "heavy load" which in that time of his life was quite a lot. https://youtu.be/LYW9cjcO_SY

Last but not least I wanted to share my high school classmate's song "Christmas Day." David Moorhead released a whole Christmas album of great songs two years ago and this track in particular really stood out to me as a potential hit. It's got that mid-60's Beach Boys vibe to it and absolutely deserves to be played all over the land this time of year. https://youtu.be/_cDqRHjYLhM

#christmas #christmas songs #christmas music #the killers #the hives #cyndi lauper #the pogues #brenda lee #george harrison #david moorhead

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translationandbetrayals · 2 years

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“VIVY: Fluorite Eye’s Song”, a masterly dystopian experience

Melancholic, bittersweet, but also hopeful and beautiful to the very end.

(No major spoilers are in this review).

In brief

Vivy: Fluorite Eye's Song is an anime-original series created by Wit Studios, the same studio that has done the likes of Attack on Titan, The Ancient Magus' Bride, and Great Pretender. Vivy is a futuristic anime related to a complex world nearly adjusted to the reality of autonomous Artificial Intelligences (AI), which only job is concentrated on solving human problems in a variety of situations and areas. The main character is an AI, the very first AI being created and sophisticated to the fullest. Known as Diva, her only desire is to sing and bring joy to her audience, making authentic performances to achieve her unique purpose utterly: learn how to sing from her heart.

The plot starts when, one hundred years from the future, Matsumoto, a programmed AI, gives a new mission to Diva, far from her idol purpose. Named “Singularity Plan”, this new mission consists of preventing a war against humans that’s about to draw upon along with the evolution of AIs through these 100 years. Mostly, he’s trying to correct specific events that eventually induce the war, which line up with AI’s development. Here’s where Singularity Plan begins and involves Diva (or Vivy) on four different missions, covering each one a new cast of characters that bring along impactful events, resulting in a journey that goes from bittersweet stages to heartbreaking ones.

A stunning art style

One of the highlights of this show is the art and animation, just look:

Although it doesn’t aim a peak of animation or a high detailed level in every scenario, it perfectly maintains good graphics and quality into each character and background design, this is more appreciable when the series tries to show us a meaningful and substantial moment, switching up to and expensive-detailed art style, that in remaining, I greatly recommend watching with helmet headphones, because the OP/EDs and OSTs aren’t left behind: the contrast between the apocalypse atmosphere and the acoustic experience plus the softly lit and fresh-textured art make you feel the empathy and closeness to Diva’s emotions (even though she's an AI!) on these short but worthy scenes.

The essence of Vivy

In despite of Vivy’s premise, many interpret it as a critical vision about the danger of the accelerated technological age and how near are AI into being sentient robots, and I honestly think is an appropriate message nowadays; leaning closely to a technological dependence and how fast is the advancement of AIs, it reflects the state of our world analogically to Vivy’s universe, but this is also a famed concept in sci-fi dramas, and don’t get me wrong, even so Vivy is more profound than it seems. Aside from the problematic, Vivy is who tries to create her own path on reconnect with herself, leaving behind the image that has been built between AIs and humanity, she’s pursuing her identity as an idol but making up a most forceful reason to achieve it, including passion, dedication and maybe, soul. It may sound odd; however, for a 13-episode series, it’s captivating.

But regardless of whichever your perception is in terms of AIs and its implications, the experience you’ll get with this anime is nothing but a good combination of sci-fi action, solid character arcs, beautiful scenarios with spontaneously delightful and quite depressing moments to suffer a bit (too much). Definitely give it a shot!

"My mission is to make everyone happy by singing”. - Vivy

⮤ Matsumoto and Vivy!

By: Brenda Acevedo Z.

#Anime #essay #Sci-Fi

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mystic-writings · 2 years

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REMEMBER THE NIGHTS | a rom-com happy ending

SUMMARY: Maggie and John's wedding has finally arrived, but they're not the only ones getting their happy ending.

WARNINGS: Cursing, sappy people

WORD COUNT: 2,419

NOTE: this was supposed to come out on Tuesday but apparently i only got the motivation to write the entire chapter in one hour last night, once again fueled by Markiplier fan songs- better late than never i guess

PREVIOUS | MASTERLIST | NEXT

IN THE PAST FEW WEEKS, life has gotten really hectic. The house was always bustling in order to get ready for the wedding, and it seemed as though, since the semester was ending, your teachers wanted to put as much work on your plate as possible.

Things at school felt like they were getting better. You were so focused on school work, colleges, and spending time with Brenda, that you barely had time to think about Newt, let alone realize that he was in most of your classes.

Your uncle Mark drove in from New York a few days ago, and was taking refuge on the air mattress in your dad’s office. Maggie’s brothers were staying in the cheap hotel on the other side of town, and they were overjoyed when they met you. Apparently, according to them, Maggie had always wanted a daughter.

It was a surprisingly calm and bright Saturday, considering the fact that you were only a week or so away from February. A beautiful day for a wedding. This morning started early, at around 6 am, with Maggie shaking you awake and handing you a waffle and a cup of coffee. Just three hours later, the living room was filled with women, bustling around and attempting to get ready before they had to pile into cars and head to the church.

Everyone’s hair and makeup were finished, all of you looking beautiful as ever. The dresses were hung up in the bathroom, resting on the shower curtain rod so that everyone could get other things done without worrying about misplacing their dress. The women in the bridal party chatted fervently with Maggie, allowing you to slip away for a moment to get dressed and text Brenda, Sonya, and Harriet.

You and Thomas were allowed to bring your friends to the reception, something that they told you right after they announced that they were engaged. However, since the bonfire, you really only talked to the girls, minus Teresa. Besides, Thomas was inviting whoever else wanted to come, so either way, there would be people all over the hall that you would be willing to talk to that weren’t over the age of 35.

There was only one thing that had been bothering you, though. Every one of your friends have been acting… off, to say the least. It wasn’t too much that you thought something might be seriously wrong, no, just enough that the smiles and glances between the girls - and even Gally and Minho when they would stop by during lunch - were unsettling and confusing. You’ve tried asking, but none of them dared to say a word about it.

Brushing off the thoughts, you texted the girls to let them know that you were almost ready, and that everything was on track. They were all beyond excited for the wedding, and so were you. Everything about this day so far was spectacular, and you couldn’t feel more happy for Maggie and your dad.

After you put on the dress and the nice, white heels and went back downstairs, almost everyone was ready - except Maggie. While she was upstairs with her best friend to help her get into the gown, some of her other friends let you sneak sips of their strong mimosas.

When she did come down, though, she looked more beautiful than you’ve ever seen her. The gown fit perfectly, and looked almost like something out of a fairy tale. The skirt was silk and exactly the right size, flowy with a bit of volume. The bodice was formed like a corset, dipping down into the skirt and covered with a layer of lace that led into the sleeves, which were mesh and also layered with lace that tapered at the end.

The chorus of gasps that filled the room was well deserved. In fact, most of them were close to tears by the time Maggie reached the bottom of the stairs. “Well,” she sighed, “are we ready to get this show on the road?”

Clamoring about, everyone grabbed their jackets and purses and anything else they needed or brought with them before heading into cars. You sat in the back of Maggie’s car as her best friend drove, the bride in the passenger seat. The whole ride there, the two couldn’t stop talking about the wedding and honeymoon, and you couldn’t blame them.

What a wonderful day indeed.

The ceremony was damn near perfect. You walked down the aisle, Thomas and Chuck on either arm. Your dad - and everyone in the church - cried when Maggie came in, her oldest brother on her arm. Everything went so smoothly, and your heart felt as light as it could be when you heard your dad call Maggie his wife.

It was no surprise that the reception would’ve been amazing. The hall looked almost completely transformed from when you first saw it, round tables and nice, white wicker chairs, and beautiful centerpieces. In the few hour-long break between the wedding and the reception and the time they were spending at the party, Sonya, Brenda, and Harriet have been acting suspicious, but considering that you were the one doing the maid of honor speech, you decided to simply brush it off.

All of your friends were sitting at a table together near the front when your uncle finished his speech, since Thomas and Chuck didn’t quite know what to write. One of Maggie’s friends had offered to do the same, but you knew this was important. This was how you would congratulate her and your father.

So, with shaking hands and messy print written on some index cards, you stepped up to the mic stand, smiling at the people ahead of you. The table of the bridal party was to your left, and you kept glancing that way every few seconds.

“I know that some of you might not know me, but I feel very happy to be sharing this night with all of you.” You started, nerves building in your chest. “My name’s Y/n, and the lovely man who got married tonight is my father. I just wanted to start off by congratulating Maggie and my dad, who I know were truly meant to be together. It might’ve taken them a while, but finding the one takes time, doesn’t it?

“I’ve only known Maggie for about four years, but I think she’s one of the greatest people I’ll ever really know. She helped me and my dad through so much, and I’ll forever be grateful for her. Maggie, you and your boys changed everything in our lives, and there won’t be a day that I won’t be thankful for it. You showed my dad how to love again, and you didn’t hesitate to share that love with me, too.” You’d turned to look at her now, eyes teary and a smile on your face. “And it’s because of that love that you shared with us that I am proud to stand up here and call you ‘mom’.”

You laughed lightly, tears thick in your tone as you watched surprise paint your parents faces. “I hope that everything the both of you want out of life comes to you, and I love you both to the moon and back.”

Quietly, you took a step back from the microphone and headed back to the table, ignoring the ‘aweing’ of the guests when she stood from her chair to pull you into a hug.

“I love you so much, honey,” she whispered. “But I’m trying really hard not to ruin my makeup, Natalie worked really hard on it.”

You giggled, squeezing her tightly. “I love you too, mom,”

When you let go and sat down, you glanced over at your dad, who was trying his best to hide his tears. Though he hadn’t been doing very well, considering you could see them building along his waterline.

After the speeches came the dinner and cake, both of which were delicious and left you wanting more. You didn’t take any, though, since you knew you’d pay for it later with stomach pains. Soon, the dance floor was filled with people, and you decided to search out your friends to spend some time with them.

You found them easily, the five of them clumped up in one corner of the room near the entrance. They greeted you happily, all chatting about the speeches or the food. You talked with them about how the day had gone so far and how proud and elated you and the rest of the families seemed to be, before Gally’s phone went off.

He stepped away for a moment, nodding as if the person on the other line could see him. The girls, you noticed, had giddy smiles stretching across their faces as he came back, tucking his phone in the pocket of his slacks.

“What was that about?” You asked.

Gally smiled at you, a strange gleam in his eye. “Wanna go for a drive?”

“Why?” Your brows furrowed as you dragged out each letter, glancing between Gally and the others, a slight chill crawling up your spine. This was far too suspicious.

“He’s got a surprise for you,” Brenda said. “Just go, I promise it’s worth it.”

Weary, you looked between the group for a while before deciding that going with Gally couldn’t hurt. Quickly, you grabbed your white coat and headed out the door to Gally’s car. Your heart was racing, but you knew you could trust him. And if Brenda said it was worth it…

After a few minutes of driving, you ended up at the school parking lot. A light flurry of snow started falling almost immediately after you got into the car, and was now dusting the ground, slightly impairing your vision as you looked around. “Gally, why are we at the school?”

The teenager looked up from his phone with a smile. “You’ll see.”

Not a moment after he finished his sentence, your phone pinged from inside your jacket pocket. Reaching for it, your heart stopped when you saw the message on the screen. ‘Come to the willow tree’

It was from Newt.

Gally’s smile widened and you willed yourself to breathe. “Go, he’s waiting for you.” Gally told you. With a reassuring nod, you exited his car, bracing against the cold as you made your way to Newt.

You stopped about ten feet from where he stood, still in disbelief that he was there. And in a tuxedo, nonetheless. He looked up from his shoes and met your eyes, an adoring smile painting his face like nothing happened between the two of you.

When you were able to move your legs again, you came to a stop under the canopy of the dead leaves sagging from the trees, staring at him. Your voice shook as you spoke. “I thought- I thought you never wanted to see me again. That’s what you said, isn’t it? Why you slammed the door in my face on Christmas,”

Newt sighed, removing a hand from his pants pocket to run a hand through his hair. “I know what I said, and I was a prick for saying it. I never should’ve done any of it.” He paused, taking a breath and watching the cloud that formed from his breath dissipate. “Ever since the day after the party, Sonya told me every day how upset you were. Hell, everyone was telling me about it. And I’ve been going mad ever since. Because I hurt you, and I never wanted to do that. But I don’t care anymore.”

Before you got a chance to speak, shock rolling through you, Newt continued his speech. “I don’t care what Tommy thinks anymore. He’s the only reason why I kept quiet about it for so long; because I was scared of what he would think or what he would say. But I’m not scared anymore, because I like you, Y/n. I like you more than I’ve ever liked anyone before. You, your love for Mickey’s double chocolate milkshakes. Hell, I even like your absurd ability to never understand chemistry. I like every single thing about you, and it’s been killing me to pretend like I hate you. Because I don’t think I could ever hate you.”

And for the third time that day, tears flooded your eyes as you listened to Newt talk. But you couldn’t trust your voice to express how you were feeling, so you let your body do the talking instead. You stepped forward, closing the distance between you and Newt to wrap your arms around his neck and pull him toward you. Closing your eyes, you kissed him with as much passion as you could manage. He wrapped his arms around you, pressing his hands against your back, and you felt yourself begin to melt under his touch.

When you pulled away, the two of you were dumbfounded and completely elated. But you still had one last question. “Why?” You asked, a smile painting your face as you played with the hairs at the nape of his neck. “I mean, you spent two months pretending to hate everything about me, so what changed? What made you change your mind?”

“The jacket.” Newt said. “Sonya forced it into my hands after you left and yelled at me for half an hour about how much of a bloody idiot I was being. After she left, I sat on my bed for a few hours just… holding it and thinking about how right she was. And how much I missed you. After that, I knew I had to do something.”

You couldn’t help the giggle that bubbled up your throat. “So you planned this?”

“You saw what I did in New York. Making elaborate plans to make you happy isn’t something new, darling.” Newt smiled, and you felt your heart skip a beat at the nickname.

You pulled his head back down, feeling his lips meet yours. This time, you couldn’t fight the smile on your face as you kissed him. You’d never get over how amazing it felt. Suddenly, a thought crossed your mind, causing you to pull back. “Wait,” you said. “What about Thomas?”

“Did you not hear a word I just said? I don’t give a damn what Tommy thinks. I only care about you.” He said, pulling you back into the kiss.

If only there was background music, you’d feel like you were in a movie, and you finally got your happy ending.

TAGLIST: @sunny-reys @ghostofscarley @badbatch-simp24 @xhenix @virginia-peters @third-broparcelicito

#remember the nights #newt x reader #newt tmr x reader #newt x you #newt x y/n #newt series #newt tmr series #newt angst #newt fluff #the maze runner fanfiction #the maze runner x reader #au fic #high school au

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maybege · 3 years

Text

Work Song

Summary: You meet once again.

Pairing: hot dad!Boba Fett x fem!Reader

Wordcount: 4.2k

Rating: E (18+ only!)

Warnings: explicit sexual content, dom/sub relationship, use of sex toys, dirty talk, consensual degradation and namecalling, multiple orgasms, double penetration, oral sex (m receiving), come play, sexting

When I was pondering which to post (bodyguard!Paz ord hot dad!Boba), I figured: why not both? So tonight I am serving you some delicious hot dad!Boba smut and tomorrow or Tuesday evening you will get the next part of The One! I am really excited to share this with you and as always, feedback is greatly appreciated and I hope you enjoy it!

masterlist | crossposted on AO3

Work was boring.

Or rather, it wasn’t boring but your thoughts kept drifting to much more exciting prospects. Like the next meeting at the motel.

Boba had messaged you that he had gotten scheduled for the midnight calls almost all through the next month and had suggested you meet on Fridays instead. But since Fridays were your yoga course days, and the only real opportunity for you to go out and meet new people and potential friends, that was not an option either. And so, you had remained on Saturdays - even if it meant he wouldn’t get to stay the night.

Even over the phone, you could see the reluctance he had to agree to it. (“I’d prefer if I could buy you breakfast the way I buy you dinner,” had been his exact words to which you had only smiled.)

So now it was Thursday, almost the end of the week, and you could not wait to get back home, to get to the end of the week and into the motel and, most importantly, to Boba.

With a groan, you let your head onto your desk in your cubicle. All around you, you could hear the tapping of the keyboards, people talking, phones ringing, the alarm of the printer going off when there was – once again – not enough paper there. Even sitting at your desk among a sea of people you never felt so alone.

“What are you thinking?” Nat, chewing a piece of gum, popped up on the wall of your cubicle, resting her chin in her hands. You flinched in surprise, looking up at her cheerful face. “Dreaming of mystery man from the bar again?”

If only she knew.

You smiled, “I, uh, I was just checking over these numbers again, I think I might have to start from scratch and ask marketing for the raw numbers.”

Nat popped her gum, clearly disappointed that you did not seem to share any details. “Well, Marketing really needs to get their shit together,” she grumbled, “I had to ask them for the full numbers – twice! – last week. can you believe that? Twice!”

“Now that I have them in front of me, it’s not that hard to believe,” you grinned, leaning back in your chair and looking up at her, “But that is not why you came to talk is it?”

“Well,” she sighed dramatically, sending you a wink, “Since you don’t let me live through your love life – you want to come for drinks this Saturday? Me and the girls want to check out a new restaurant in town, I’m sure you’ll like it.”

“I’d love to but I already have plans,” you declined, your heart skipping a beat at the thought of whom you had plans with, “Maybe next time?”

For a minute, you were afraid that maybe she would be suspicious. That maybe she would keep asking you about Boba and you would have to dodge your questions.

But thankfully, Nat seemed to have completely forgotten all about your love life.

“Sure!” she perked up, throwing a look towards the kitchen, “Wanna do lunch together? I’m starving.”

You nodded, smiling when you heard her basically skipping her way to the kitchen from her cubicle. Grabbing your phone, you went to follow her.

Nat kept talking about one thing or another, completely oblivious to the internal fight you were just hashing out in your head.

Never had your phone looked more menacing.

You did not know when or how exactly but somewhere in the two minutes it had taken to microwave your food, a tiny little thought had manifested itself in your mind.

Boba had asked for your wishes the last time and you had been too nervous to think about them. But surely, with the safety of a screen between you, you would be able to articulate at least some of them?

Then again, would he even want that? After all, it was not Saturday and maybe he did not want to have that kind of contact out of your agreed meeting hours?

You tapped your fingernails on the table top before deciding to just fuck it.

You: I want you to fuck my mouth.

There. It was sent. It was done. You had half a mind to switch your phone off and never look at it again, you felt that embarrassed. But before you could do so you saw how the read notification popped up and now it was like a car crash you couldn’t look away from. Boba had seen it. It was too late now. Shit, what had you done?

Boba: So princess has some dirty wishes after all.

Boba: Any more things you want to try out?

You huffed out a laugh, shaking your head towards Nat who looked at you questioningly. “My friend just sent me something funny,” you waved off while making sure no one would be able to get a look on your phone screen.

Toys. you typed out, I’ve never got to try any and I want to try them all. Want you to use them on me.

Now I’m thinking about getting you a dildo, little one. Maybe even two. One for that tight little kissy and the other to train your mouth.

The implication made you clench your thighs and you took a deep breath, hoping no one would notice how you were almost squirming in your seat.

Lunch forgotten, your eyes were fixed on your phone as the three dots kept moving on the screen. You weren’t really sure if this counted as texting per se but you had never been this explicit with someone over texts and your heart skipped a beat as the next message appeared.

Boba: Does that turn you on?

You: Yes.

Boba: Where are you?

You: On my lunch break. Why?

Boba: Because if you’d been home I’m this close to take a half-day and fuck you silly in your own bed.

You shuddered, your thighs clenching.

I’m this close to going home sick if that’s what awaits me.

The read notification popped up but you saw how he wasn’t online anymore and frowned. You tried to avoid your thoughts of how maybe you had been too forward or too awkward or maybe he thought you were weird now for being willing to go home in the middle of the workday just to get in bed with him. But the truth was you were.

Work was boring today and while you appreciated Nat’s attempts to get talking, you didn’t really feel in the mood to talk. Besides, you knew she was just out to get more info about the bar mystery man as she called him and even though you liked her you really didn’t want to talk about Boba to anyone. So yeah, the thought of being able to go home and be able to feel Boba against you instead of going through the different numbers sounded like heaven to you.

Reluctantly, you got back to your pasta salad, aware that you only had a few minutes on your break left and trying to not spend them checking your phone constantly. How much more pathetic could you be?

“Ready?” Nat asked suddenly beside you as her friends got their dishes into the dishwasher and you nodded with a smile.

“Although when is one ever ready for work?” she asked, faking a British accent and you grinned, pocketing your phone in the pocket of your dress.

“Never,” you replied, “one can just hope it’ll be over soon.”

The dark-haired women turned to you with a conspiratory grin before twirling into her cubicle, leaving you alone to go back to your desk. You stood at the entrance of your cubicle for a moment, eyes roaming over the papers on your desk, ruined with your scribbling as you tried to decipher whatever numbers marketing had sent you.

You rubbed your hand over your face, forcing yourself to smile with the hopes that it would release endorphins or some shit. You could do this. There was no need to feel overwhelmed by this. What would be the first step to make this better?

Typing the email to Brenda from Marketing should not have been as hard as it was. But your mind was swirling with trying to find the right balance between polite and insistent because you could not afford to lose any more hours of work over something that simply could not be worked with.

Just as you were ready to give up, your phone pinged.

Boba: Sorry, business call. But believe me, little one, I can’t wait until this weekend. Would you be okay with me buying some toys for you?

You smiled, answer already ready.

“Shit, little one, you looked so good like that. You like that?”

You gasped for breath, eagerly nodding. A thin layer of sweat had built all over your body as you knelt on the end of the bed. You were so intoxicated by these feelings, by him, it felt like everything was on fire, getting ready to burst.

As soon as he had arrived – you being the first in the room this time around – he had framed your face in his hands and kissed you until you both been breathless. And then he had shown you the toys.

That was how you had ended up here, on the bed, completely naked, moving yourself on one of the dildos he had brought for you.

“Look at you, such a good girl for me, hm?” Boba murmured, his hands moving once again and you choked, tears stinging in your eyes from the effort of trying to relax your throat and keeping your hands behind your back as he had instructed.

Boba had not just brought one toy. He had brought two. And you while you were fucking yourself on one, thighs shaking with the effort, Boba had pushed the other down your mouth. “To train you to take me,” he had rumbled with a glint in his eyes.

A particularly hard thrust down your throat forced you lower on the shaft between your legs and you moaned, tears of pleasure and despair pricking your eyes. He was still completely closed, looking as dominant as ever and you could feel your clit and y our nipples aching wanting to be touched and played with.

You whined, drool slipping down your chin and Boba showed mercy, slowly pulling the toys away from your mouth. “What is it, little one?” he asked, “What’s got you all teary-eyed, hm ?”

“My – my nipples are so sensitive,” you pleaded with him, “Please, please touch them, Boba.”

He grinned darkly, running the tip of the dildo over your wet lips. “So, touch them.”

You shook your head as best as you could, wanting to remind him of the one rule he had set for you but then he pushed the toys back into your mouth. Your back arched as you leant forwards, humming when the dildo shifted inside you and even more so when your chest brushed against the rough material of his shirt.

It was like little pricks of pleasure coursed through you.

Boba looked down at you, the blue dildo still in his hand and you felt heat seep into your cheeks. From shame? Maybe. But all you felt arousal as you saw the admiration in hid ryes.

“How desperate you look,” he mused, his fingers holding your chin, “How pretty. Just for me.”

“Yes,” you gasped, mouth falling open as you sank down on the toys again, your nipples brushing over the harsh fabric, “J-just for you.”

“My pretty little fucktoy,” he smiled, leaning down and kissing you open-mouthed. You gasped into him, pleasure overtaking you and when his hand wandered down to your right nipple, pinching and pulling it sharply, you came. Everything in your body tightening before it felt like you were bursting at the seams, the sudden wave of pleasure making you whimper.

Where you had been so precariously balanced on top of the dildo, now you lost your balance, completely falling against him but Boba was there to catch you.

“Good girl,” he mumbled, his hand still squeezing your tit, “Think you have another round in you?”

Your eyes fell to the very obvious bulge in his pants and you nodded eagerly. Even with your legs still trembling from your orgasm, you were already carving more. More of this, more of him and the pleasure he could give you.

With calloused fingers gently wrapped around your forearm, he helped you up.

You followed willingly, letting him turn around until you were facing the bed, sheets messy where you had kneeled.

“I’m going to let you choose, little one,” he murmured into your ear, his warm body pressed against your back. You could hardly concentrate with your hands on your skin like that, one hand holding you by your throat while the other dipped between your folds. “Which toy do you want to fuck now?”

First, you were disappointed that apparently you did not get to fuck yourself on his cocks but then his finger swiped over your clit and you shuddered.

“Answer me, princess,” he growled, his hand slightly tightening on your throat, “Or are you too cockdumb already?”

“Nuh-uh,” you tried to shake your head just as much as your legs were shaking from the pleasure he was giving you. You tried to focus on the toys. The one you had used already and the one he had had you suck off. The blue one was glistening from your juices and your thighs clenched at the thought of having it inside you again.

But the other one, the purple one, was much thicker than the blue and you knew it was closer to what Boba’s cock actually felt like.

“The purple one,” you murmured, head leaning back against his shoulder and he mouthed at your neck, humming in satisfaction.

“You’re so kriffing sexy, you know that?” he whispered, planting a playful bite on your shoulders before leaving you alone in the middle of the room. You whined, pressing your thighs together as you saw him so meticulously prepare for what seemed to be the next scene he had had in mind.

With a soft towel spread on the floor in front of the armchair, Boba looked at you as he sat down, legs spread wide before planting the dildo on the towel. “I think good girls deserve a treat,” he murmured, working on his pants before getting his weeping cock out and you swore your knees were that close to giving out underneath you.

You gaped at him, practically falling on your knees with your hands placed on his thighs. The impact made a dull sound and your heart skipped a beat as he immediately leant forward, fingers gripping your chin as he searched your face for any sign of pain.

“I know you’re eager to suck my cock, little one,” he smirked, “But no need hurting yourself over it, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you breathed, feeling a little embarrassed for how needy you were being.

Boba smirked, leaning back in his seat but not before running the pad of his thumb over your bottom lip. Your eyes flicked down to his weeping cock, your mouth watering at seeing how a drop of precome had already collected at the tip.

Without thinking any further, you sank down on the dildo, mouth falling open at how it stretched you. You ducked down, closing your lips around his shaft and taking him as deep as he would go in one smooth movement.

Boba groaned loudly above you, one hand going to the back of your neck to keep you there. Just like your pussy, he filled your throat completely, your tongue feeling as if it was running out of space so you did your best to press it against the underside of him, wriggling along the prominent vein he had there.

Tears gathered in your eyes again and you moaned as the toy inside you hit a spot the previous one couldn’t. Your hips stuttered, slowly starting to grin against it in hopes of it hitting that spot again. You did not move your mouth from him.

“Fuck you look good like that,” he praised you, his free hand coming around your throat and you tried to swallow when you felt his thumb rub over the bulge in your throat. You had not even realized how far you had taken him but when you saw the grin on his face, his eyes glazed over in pleasure, you felt proud of yourself for making him feel like this.

Slowly he pulled you off his length and you followed, gasping for breath when you could. A trail of saliva connected you still to him and through your lashes, you looked up at him. Even now he was a sight to behold, jaw clenched, a glint in his eyes.

You would do everything to please him.

“Don’t think I can last long, little one,” he grumbled, lips twitching as he spotted how you still moved your hips, “Think you can come before that? Don’t want to leave you hanging.”

You nodded, rising on your knees again just like before and sinking back down, moaning when it hit that sweet spot.

“Good,” he smiled, warping his hand around his cock, “You can touch yourself how much you. Just want you to come for me, okay?”

“Okay,” you smiled, obediently opening your mouth to take him in again. Your fingers went to your clit, circling it to spread around the wetness that was already making its way to the towel. You gasped, hips jerking at the pleasure.

Boba groaned, rubbing the head of his cock along your tongue, precoma coating your taste buds. He pushed your head down again, quickly building up to a rhythm that had you choking and gagging, spit trailing down your chin, making you feel filthy and desired.

One hand came up to your chest, pinching your nipple and throwing you off the cliff. Your moan got interrupted by Boba shoving himself down your throat even more and you shook where you sat, your wetness coating the toy until all you could hear were obscene squelching sounds from between your thighs.

“Where did you want my come little one?”

“On my face, please,” you gasped.

A deep, guttural groan left him and you opened your mouth even wider, sticking your tongue out as your fingers played with your nipples. Hot roped of come splattered on your face, landing on your brows, your nose, your tongue, dripping down your chin and onto your chest. Boba continued pumping his shaft milking himself of every last drop and collecting it on his thumb before gently spreading it over your cheek.

“Did I do good?” you asked, heaving for breath.

“You were perfect,” he rumbled, scooping some of his come onto your tongue and you swallowed eagerly.

You shifted on your knees, wincing when the dildo moved inside you.

Boba leant down to you, his hand carefully holding you by the elbow as he stood up slowly, taking you with him. Your legs were shaking from the strain and your knees hurt from straightening them. You shivered.

A soft kiss was pressed to your lips and he led you back to the bed. The fabric was cool under your fingertips and you took a shaky breath. His warm hands were on your shoulders, thumbs brushing the skin as he looked down on you.

“Let me get you something to clean up, okay?” he murmured.

You nodded silently. He disappeared for a moment and you simply sat there, wringing your hands and trying to focus on your surroundings. Everything was fuzzy still, pleasantly warm from your orgasms but you also felt could now that it was over.

You heard the sink run in the bathroom and a moment later, Boba was in front of you again, a warm cloth in his hands that he gently ran over your face.

“Look up at me, little one,” he murmured and you did, closing your eyes as you tilted your face towards him. With gentle movements, he cleaned your face but you were too tired to smile. You felt drained but in a good way, like your limbs were too heavy from pleasure to really move and so you just let the feelings wash over you.

When he was finished, his hand came up to cup your cheek and you leaned into him.

Boba hummed, “Would you like to take a shower or a bath?”

“Bath, please,” you croaked, flinching as you heard how hoarse you sounded. Boba’s lips quirked up and he nodded. Slowly he guided you to the tiled bathroom, sitting you down on a towel at the edge of the tub before getting the water running.

You frowned, the rushing water almost too loud in your ears. Boba turned around, spotting you curling in on yourself and just like that he had you in his arms.

“It was a bit intense, wasn’t it?” he asked quietly, his lips brushing against your ears and you nodded, burying your head in the fabric of his flannel.

“I – I don’t know why I feel this way,” you whispered, “this … sensitive.”

“You’re coming down from a high, little one,” he explained, thumb brushing the back of your neck, “It’s normal to feel a little exposed. But I will make sure, you’re okay, okay? Anything you need, princes, you just tell me, yeah? Anything.”

“Okay,” you whispered, already feeling a bit better with him here.

You did not know for how long you stood there, but when the water shut off and Boba helped you in the tub you sighed in content. The water was just the perfect temperature and you sunk in with closed eyes, the only thing guiding you being Boba’s hands.

“I will get us some food, okay?” he asked quietly, sitting at the edge of the tub and holding your hand. You had never felt this cared for. “I will get us the same order as the last time, does that sound good?”

You nodded with a smile. He stood up but you held onto his hand, only letting go when the distance became too much. Stars, you were really fucked out good, weren’t you?

With your eyes closed in relaxation, you could only hear his low chuckle as he got ready to leave. The door to the room closed not long after. You soaked in the tub for what felt like an eternity. The water was warm and you were positively surprised by the scent of the motel shampoo. It certainly was not as bad as you thought it would be.

Slowly you felt yourself coming back to reality, feeling more energized and more awake and aware of your surroundings. Boba had not come back yet so when the water got a little too cold for your liking, you decided to get out anyway.

You got dressed in your nightgown you had taken with you – thankful that Boba had left it for you on the counter in a moment of foresight –, hurrying barefoot over the carpet into the bed.

Just as you turned on the TV, the lock of the door turned and a whistling Boba came in, arms laden full of brown paper bags.

“You got more than last time,” you stated, frowning as you saw him put down a second paper bag on the small TV desk.

“Well, I won’t be able to buy you breakfast tomorrow, now will I?” he replied, “Thought I could take care of that now and then you don’t have to worry about it tomorrow.”

“Oh really?” you asked, sitting up on your knees, not minding when the blanket fell down, so you could at least make an attempt to peer into the bag.

Boba chuckled, indulging you by handing you the mysterious food bag and immediately you took a peek. There, neatly arranged, was a croissant, a chocolate muffin and what looked like a little breakfast sandwich.

“I’d keep the sandwich in the fridge,” Boba commented from the other side of the room, already taking out the familiar smelling food containers. He did not seem to know how your heart swelled in your chest at the sweet gesture.

You knew he had wanted to be here for breakfast – he had literally told you so on the phone – but when it was clear that Saturday would remain your meeting day of choice, you thought he had just shrugged it off. Maybe it had just been a flirtatious remark?

But the fact that he had gone out of his way to somehow show you he had been serious about what he had said made butterflies appear in your stomach.

“It’s very sweet,” you murmured, looking at the way the muscles in his back moves as he fished for the plastic utensils, “You didn’t have to.”

“But I wanted to,” he replied easily, still smiling when he turned around and carried the food with him, “Now let me slip under that blanket, princess, what will we watch?”

You giggled, watching this giant man carefully position himself on the bed, before stretching out his arm, offering you the food to eat and his chest to rest against once again.

“I could get used to this,” you murmured, taking a bite of the pita.

“Me too, princess,” he rumbled, “Me too.”

#maybege writes #boba fett x reader #boba fett x fem!reader #smut

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cangrellesteponme · 2 years

Note

Would you care to share your feral thoughts on The Quarry with the class? 👀 🐺

OKAY OKAY OKAY spoilers ahead ofc (mostly just for the ending mac got, which is all playable characters live, no infected other than nick and at some point ryan, all cured at the end, sylas dies, innocence proven. but also some mention of infected dylan) and trigger warnings for like. canon typical violence (blood, amputation...) and i say some mean things about nick lmao

okay so let's start with my strongest character opinions:

Dylan <3 so smart so dumb so iconic. He is both a himbo and a genius nerd and I love him so much. I think he's the best character along with Kaitlyn, his lines are great, he's the only one who's not stupid in unbelievable ways (why was he the only one who thought Nick's leg needed to be cut off? it was so obvious.) but rather in pretty relatable ways (wanting the gun despite being a terrible shot, never trusting his intuition, the whole radio sos thing...) and I think his character is a perfect guy in horror! And the fact that he wants to get laid doesn't stop him from actually trying his best to survive! (*cough* jacob *cough*) Kaitlyn <3 gaslight gatekeep girlboss except she doesn't gaslight, like ever. she doesn't need to. says she's the smartest? true. says she's the leader? true. says she's the best shot and the only one who can use a gun? true. says she's the hottest? true. also LONDON TIPTON LONDON TIPTON BRENDA SONG I LOVE YOU. Jokes aside, Kaitlyn is one of the first times i've seen a woman in a horror game feel real and in a positive way too. I particularly liked how clearly she expresses her feelings about people.

I hate Nick. Like, not for getting infected like a dumbass, or because you can't just cut his damn leg off and let him suffer or bleed out. Nah I hate him because Abi deserves better. Their romance looked so cute at the start. And then you hear him talk with Jacob about it... which was uncomfortable at best!! And then Truth or Dare happens. I think Emma kissing Nick was a good thing, because we got to see that Nick is your good old typical untrustworthy man. He did not need to put that much effort into that kiss- and I know he says he just likes helping Emma make Jacob jealous, but that's stupid. Jacob did not need that much effort to be made jealous, Nick was overdoing it when he very obviously should have held back out of respect for Abi's feelings (which are supposed to be requited!!). All in all he's cheater material. But I can live with that. The worst part is that he's just a dick tbh. In his final moments before turning, the most raw version of himself is an asshole, being aggressive to Abi like it's her fault that he's pathetic? My guy, I know you want to date her and feel like she's not taking you seriously but get over yourself. Also imagine, you feel like you're dying, you're in horrible pain, you can barely think coherently and you ask for reassurance from the person you love... and when they give it to you you don't believe them and get mad over it? I can't possibly imagine being that much of an ass I'm sorry. And don't tell me turning makes everyone an aggressive cunt. Max visibly tries to stay away in the jail cell before the aggression takes over, and Dylan saves Kaitlyn's life! Nick's a dick. One letter away.

Abi's a well-written simp. Okay I, too, hate the "I can fix him" stereotype but Abi's just... such a good version of it. I find it perfectly coherent that this woman who started with pretty low self-esteem and originally refused to say she had feelings for Nick turned to resilient devotion the moment she got invested. It would not have made sense for her to fight to live like other characters do, otherwise. She's a pretty simple character, living for the chance that she can save someone else just by advocating for them, and I think that's nice! Because. Let's be honest. Who in their right mind would want Nick to live if not for Abi's constant "we must save Nick" bs? I wanted him to drown. Stan Abi for being a better person than I am.

Ryan's an ass. Love that for him. That's it that's the opinion.

now my thoughts about the capybaras werewolves:

Why are they not furry. Why do their hair, skin, clothes, everything, just explode in a spray of blood then everything comes back except their clothes???? The werewolved should be fully clothed but it's all drenched in blood.

Why does everyone turn at different speeds? It takes Nick hours, even longer for Laura, but Dylan turns immediately??? My best attempt at an explanation is that it's based on how likely they are to turn someone. I mean, if fucking rabies could turn into a very well-evolved nightmare that optimises infection in horrifying ways, why can't the werewolf curse (which has A LOT of rabies symptoms) be even better? We know Dylan would never bite someone, so there's no point in him staying human long enough to be with others. Nick, however, would've bitten Abi in front of that pool, because the way he's just absolutely pathetic gets people's guard off (like rabid animals being particularly docile at first) even when he says the creepiest shit about being hungry. Laura can and will take every risk and sacrifice anyone, or do any risky thing, so she could (and does.) bite, so keeping her human gets the infection to spread. But that's just my terrible theory. I don't actually think they thought this through.

aaaaaand the plot:

Predictable plot twists. AS THEY SHOULD I'm here to get spooked not to solve a goddamn nonsensical mystery. I'm so thankful that none of the lore is surprising. Glad the hag is everything literally everyone thought she was. Happy it was werewolves whose curse is transmitted through bites. Overjoyed to see Laura and Max survived the prologue and Laura was bitten.

The ending. Look I know it was rushed. But the Sylas bit was boring as fuck lmao. Also the podcast... let me just say nothing. Nvm I'll talk. I do think the characters were funny, and I liked their back and forth, but I wish we could've seen them.

#the quarry #dylan lenivy #kaitlyn ka #abigail blyg #nick furcillo #anyway the quarry > until dawn. yes even with the shitty ending i don't care #ota's ask answers

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flourgirl · 4 years

Text

Heart Skips a Beat

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: You work at a coffee shop on campus and develop a crush on the cute astrophysics major who studies there everyday.

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: Pure fluff. One curse word.

A/N: There WILL be a sequel to Even If It’s a Lie! Until then, here’s a little something to hold you guys over :-)

“I saw you on a Sunday in a café And all you did was look my way And my heart started to race And my hands started to shake” -Nervous, Shawn Mendes

3 p.m. had quickly become your favorite time of the day. Sure, you had already been working for half of your shift by then, but it was worth it. Because despite how tired you were from a full day of lectures, like clockwork, the cutest guy you had ever seen walked into the café to order a caramel latte and do his homework.

You were a hopeless romantic. A homeschooled bookworm whose only experiences with romance were through the many YA novels you had read growing up. College was honestly your first experience with independence and having a social life outside of your mom, your cat, and your elderly neighbors, Brenda and Pat.

The first day he had come was at the beginning of the semester. You had just started working there to help cut the costs of tuition that your scholarships couldn’t cover. Even though you barely knew how to use the machines at that point, and it took you almost 20 minutes and one phone call to your shift manager to give him his order, he was still really nice to you about it.

By the end of the first week that he started hanging out here, you had memorized his order. For a stranger, there was a lot to like about him. He was super sweet and always dropped his spare change in the tip jar, a rare occurrence amongst struggling college students. He always greeted you by your name, which he only knew because of the tag on your uniform, but you didn’t care. You liked hearing him say it either way.

The more you learned about him, the bigger your crush grew. His name was Peter. Peter Parker, which matched him perfectly. He was an astrophysics major, and he was always busy. So what was he doing hanging out in the café where you worked? Sure, homework, but you had always preferred to go somewhere more quiet, like the library. Not some noisy little coffee shop in the middle of campus where everybody hung out after class.

In between making coffee orders for other customers, you would oftentimes steal glances at him. You thought about how soft his messy brown hair would feel between your fingers, or what it would be like to smell his fabric softener from closer than the width of the countertop that always separated the two of you.

But it was just a silly crush. When you thought about it, the two of you were virtually strangers. He had an entire life outside of the walls of the coffee shop, and he probably didn’t think about you other than when you were taking his order every day. Still, just when you thought about how weird it was to think about somebody you barely knew this much, Peter found ways to make you like him even more than you already did.

Every now and then, Peter wouldn’t show up, and you worried that maybe he had found another place to get coffee or came at another time because he didn’t want to see you anymore. You knew you were overthinking. There was no way that Peter was planning his entire schedule around you. You were just the coffee girl to him and nothing more.

Little did you know that on your days off, Peter was disappointed to find that someone else would be making his coffee that day. Sure, he started coming here to study because it was conveniently located across the street from the laboratory that he interned at, but it was more than that. He came to see you. To see your smile and the way your eyes lit up whenever he walked in. The way you still managed to look cute in the unflattering café uniform and how you didn’t even have to ask what his order was.

He had the biggest crush on you. The five minutes that he spent talking to you each day made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and he took comfort in the fact that maybe, just maybe, you felt the same way about him. But he didn't know what to say to you past small talk. He told Ned and MJ that he had been planning to ask you out for a while now, but every time he walked up to the register, he chickened out. You made him too nervous, and he knew that if he tried too hard, he’d start rambling about string theory or something and scare you away.

Peter thought about what kind of person you were outside of these four walls. Were you dating anybody? What was your favorite subject? Did you like pineapple on your pizza? He wondered if you even noticed that he was gone every time his “internship” at Stark Industries dragged him away for days at a time. Probably not. He thought about what it would be like to walk you to wherever you went after your shift ended, to make sure you got there safely, but he always had to rush off to somewhere else before you had finished working.

You had started experimenting with leaving little designs on top of his coffee instead of just haphazardly pouring the milk in. At first, they were just sad little blobs, but then you graduated to vaguely leaf-like blobs, and you could now make something that was shaped like a turnip on top of his lattes. You had been working up the courage to leave little hearts, but every time you did, you swirled them away and served it to him without any design at all.

Your friends would lovingly describe you as a klutz. You were constantly tripping over nothing or knocking things over. There was even that one time you almost broke your leg trying to climb one of the supermarket shelves to reach your favorite brand of maple syrup. But out of all of your clumsy mishaps, none of them lived up to what had just happened.

You had sworn you had looked both ways before crossing the street. But when the barrage of car horns and tires screeching interrupted your favorite song, you saw your life flash before your eyes. That was, until, you were flying through the air. Looking at your savior, you were both starstruck and shocked to see Spiderman holding you tightly as he swung from building to building.

It felt like forever before your feet touched the ground and he let go of your waist, but when he did, you were a little disappointed. How did he even know to drop you off at this specific coffee shop? It was insane, but you felt like you knew him. You just couldn’t place why or how before he saluted you and swung away without a word. “Thank you!” you screamed into the sky, knowing he definitely couldn’t hear you over the hustle and bustle of the city.

Peter’s heart was about to burst out of his chest. That was way too close of a call. What if you found out that it was him? What would you think? But he knew that if he hadn’t saved you, he would never forgive himself. Sure, you might get free tuition like that rumor people always talked about in middle school, but you’d also have a ton of hospital bills to pay because Spiderman was a selfish idiot and let you get hit by a taxi.

Your head was still spinning from what had just happened. You quickly changed into your uniform and started your shift, giddy with excitement to tell Peter who you had met today. As 3 p.m. came and went and there were no signs of Peter, you started to accept that the only person you’d get to tell about today was your mom. Go figure, you thought. You finally had something interesting to say to him and he doesn’t show up.

Eventually, after many disappointing coffee orders later, it was time for you to go home and curl up to a cup of tea and watch the latest episode of the Great British Bake-Off. It was ironic, but your favorite contestant this season was Peter, and every week was more and more tense as you worried whether or not he’d make it to the next episode. Sure, he was really good at technicals, but sometimes the flavors of his signature bakes were off. And when was stupid Laura going to get eliminated?

You were so caught up in worrying about who would be going to the finals that you didn’t even notice the guy walking through the doors just as you were leaving the café, knocking you onto the ground.

“OW!” you squeaked as you hit the tiled floor that your co-worker had just finished mopping.

“Shit, Y/N, I’m so sorry,” a familiar voice apologized from above you. You squinted up to see Peter’s brown eyes full of worry, and at that point, you couldn’t even tell that you were hurt anymore.

He held out his hand for you to take and pulled you up as if you weighed nothing. Still a bit dizzy, you stumbled, and he wrapped his hand around your waist to keep you from falling again. That same familiar feeling you felt earlier that day was rushing back to you.

“Hey, don’t worry. I’ve got you, Y/N,” he assured you, walking you over to a table to sit down.

You laid your head down on the table, both embarrassed and woozy from having your crush knock you flat on your face because you were too busy thinking about a televised baking competition to watch where you were going.

“You know we’re closed, right,” you groaned, lifting your head to see him staring attentively at you.

“Yeah, I know,” he answered, laughing nervously and running his hands through his hair. You wished that you were the one doing that instead.

“Oh. Well, you can if you really want to,” he said, leaving you confused as to what on earth he was talking about. It wasn’t until a few moments later that you were ready to curl up into a ball and hide forever. Did you say that you wanted to touch his hair OUT LOUD? TO HIS FACE?

Your cheeks turned crimson and you buried your face in your arms again. “Peter, I’m okay. You can go now.” If he didn’t leave now, you’d probably die of embarrassment right in front of him.

“Y/N,” he started, running his thumb across your arm. “I don’t want to go. I… I came here to see you.”

Your head shot up and you stared at him in disbelief. “You know I’m not the only one here who knows how to make a caramel latte, right?”

“Mhmm,” he hummed, nodding his head with a soft smile. Even in the dim lighting of the café at night, his eyes sparkled. “I hope this is okay for me to say, but… Y/N. I like you. I like you a lot, and I don’t even like caramel lattes but by the time I realized that I would never get used to the taste, you were already making them without me even having to ask you to.”

“Oh,” you replied, instantly feeling good as new. “I, uh...I like you too.”

You watched as the smile that never failed to brighten your day returned to Peter’s face. “So... Do you—would you, maybe, like to go out with me sometime?”

“Yes!” you replied enthusiastically. Checking your phone, you realized just how long you two had been sitting down. “But we should probably go. The doors were supposed to be locked thirty minutes ago.”

You grabbed his hand, pulling him out the front doors of the coffee shop before scrambling to lock them. When you turned around, you were standing face to face with the guy you’d been crushing on for months.

Right before Peter could lean in to kiss you, you remembered what you had been dying to tell him about all day. “I almost forgot. I met Spiderman today!”

Peter’s eyes widened. He had hoped you wouldn’t bring it up, but then again, he probably shouldn’t have come here in the hopes of seeing you tonight. Play it cool, Parker, he thought as the two of you walked towards the subway station.

“Oh. That’s really cool,” he said in a tone that was suspiciously underwhelmed. “How’d that happen?”

“Well, I was on the way to work and I guess I was listening to my music a little bit too loud,” you started. “And suddenly I hear all these cars honking at me and WHOOSH! I’m in Spiderman’s arms and he drops me off right in front of the coffee shop. I mean, how did he even know that that’s where I was supposed to be? It was incredible!”

Peter really liked listening to you talk. He liked the softness of your voice and how excited you sounded whenever you spoke to him. “Huh. Are you sure you have a crush on me and not on our friendly neighborhood Spiderboy?”

“Spiderman,” you corrected, intertwining your fingers with his. “And no. I like you and only you.”

Peter laughed, thinking about how mad you’d be when he finally let you in on his little secret. But for now, there was no Spiderman. It was just you and him, and that’s how he liked it.

#peter parker x reader #peter parker #peter parker fluff #peter parker imagine #peter parker oneshot #peter parker fanfiction #spiderman #mcu

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stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland · 4 years

Text

Award shows - ɟ

Heeeelloo, my fellow CS 👋🏼

The idea for this post came to me because I recently saw again that some fans still can’t explain some things about the awards, therefore, I’m going to briefly explain the things I’ve read on which they’re still confused about so that maybe I’ll automatically answer some questions you guys have too.

First of all, celebrities, whether they’re actors, singers, models, heirs, fashion mavens, aristocrats, etc., are notified months before they’ve been invited. Usually, the reason why they were invited is written along with the invitation. The reasons obviously vary. They may have been invited because they were nominated for an award, or because, and they may accept or decline, they were asked to present a category or a performance, or to interview someone on the red-carpet or backstage, or to perform, etc., etc. They can also be added as I like to say ‘+1’. But be aware, there’s a difference between being invited as a ‘+1’ and as a guest.

‘Are they not the same thing?’ you’re probably wondering. No, they are not. Being invited as a guest is simply that. A celebrity who invites their partner, or their kid, or one of their parents, or a friend, as indeed their guest. The +1, on the other hand, is a term that I’m using because I don’t think there’s one to describe when a person who is also a celebrity is invited by another one. You know the seats they show us with pictures of celebrities and how some seats next to it lack these pictures? Those seats without pictures belong to the celebrity guests or their team members. If a celebrity invites another one, then next to their picture there will also be that of the celebrity they invited. Aka, the term I’m using in this case: the +1.

I’ll give you an example:

I’m a singer and my fake PR boyfriend has to perform that night, but I don’t, and neither have I been nominated for any awards and therefore not even invited. Also to keep up appearances of our relationship, I get invited as his +1. This means that you’re gonna see my picture next to his in the seats and the cameras will film me for literally two seconds counted during his performance. It also means that my fake boyfriend and I will be wearing matching outfits, that we’ll arrive on the red carpet together, that I’ll have to show unnecessary PDA out of the blue while one of our managers films us to make us more believable and real, and that I’ll have to pretend to be happy to be his arm candy. Do I accept or do I not accept the invitation?

Yeah, of course I do. It’s a great idea actually, both to show people my support as a cheerleader for him, and as publicity. Publicity not only for us as a couple, but also for myself. Our management, and yes, we have the same management, has arranged interviews for me too on the red carpet, so why shouldn’t I accept that? Plus, I want to go. Helloo? We’re talking about an important award show. Not to mention that my girlfriend performs too the same night and has also been nominated for several awards, so it’s just an extra incentive to want to go and be able to support her. Oohh, how foolish of me. I apologize for my forgetfulness. My name is Lauren Jauregui and I’m talking about the American Music Awards 2018.

See what I did there? 😏😏😏

These events are very exclusive and have an invitation list. If you’re a celebrity and you’re not on the list, then it’s very hard for you to be able to attend. But there’s a way, and no, I’m not talking about finding a way to sneak in. The only other way to get there is by taking the place of someone who had been invited and couldn’t attend.

Let’s say you’re a celebrity and you want to go there. Let’s say you want to go because you’ve been out of the spotlight for a long time and want to make a big comeback with a beautiful dress to show yourself off. The first thing you do is call your publicist and see if there are still seats available. Not all celebrities can attend those events despite being invited because they may have other commitments, or they’re out of town, or I don’t know, they’re on tour or something like that. So there’s the possibility that you can have their seat. If there aren’t any, then your publicist themselves may be looking for another way to get you in. Again, for an X reason, the celebrity who was supposed to present an award cannot go, and therefore your publicist manages to get you the invitation as one of the presenters. If none of these options are possible, then.. well, I hope you enjoy the show watched in the living room of your home.

You want another practical example? Okay, okay, babies, I’ll content you 😏

Latin Grammy Awards 2019. Still me, Lauren Jauregui, hi 🙋🏻 🙈 I wasn’t invited. I had no reason to actually be there, except for one…

I didn’t even publicize and say on my social media that I’d have been there. It was so unexpected and awesome for you nuggets, wasn’t it? Well, my girlfriend was invited but she unfortunately couldn’t go due to other commitments. You can imagine how sad she was not only to not being able to attend, but also to not being able to perform with Alejandro who is one of the people in the industry that she loves and admires the most, right? You can imagine her pout and her kicked puppy face for not being able to sing the song she wrote and dedicated to her little sister, can’t you? Well, I couldn’t bear to see her that way, so I told her: ‘Don’t worry, babe. I gotcha. I’ll go for you. I’ll go to represent you’. Also because her team didn’t need to be there, not even to collect the award which I later discovered she won the same evening. Awards, my beautiful chickens, are shipped months after the night they are received.

And so it was. I went with Brenda (my manager). I got dolled up. I did my interviews, even teasing my fans about my new project with Tainy. I sat in my baby’s seat in the front row. THE FRONT ROW. Front rows are reserved for the evening’s award winners. They NEVER put the winners in the back rows because it would take them too long to get to the stage when their name is called otherwise. And I was there, for her. And in addition to enjoying the show, I tried to hold back my happiness, especially since there were cameras everywhere, both during Alejandro’s performance as soon as my love appeared on the screens, and when they won the Record of the Year. I swear I had to get a hold of myself. I had to restrain myself and concentrate on clapping my hands like a normal person and not smiling too big.

*end of the sketch*

As you may have noticed so far, these are the only ways to attend award shows if you are a celebrity. But, just because you’re a celebrity, there’s no guarantee that you get invited. And you certainly cannot show up there with the hope that they’ll let you in without being invited, or nominated, or without a ticket just because you’re ‘someone’. Security kicks your ass out no matter who you are.

Every year, hundreds of celebrities don’t make it onto the invitation list. Keep in mind that the ‘exclusivity’ of these events is also due to the seats. Take as an example precisely the Microsoft Theater in Los Angeles where the AMAs 2018 took place. It has 7,100 seats. These seats are reserved for people in the show’s broadcast network, the telecast’s sponsors, the production team, the accountants, the legal team, the donors, the representatives, the press and media in general, etc., and THEN for the invited celebrities including singers and their teams, so also their publicists, agents, managers, [and not even all of them have a reserved seat; maybe only one of them has it and the rest are backstage or in the dressing room or not really there], etc., actors, and as with singers, their teams, the team of people who worked on the film with them, etc. See how many people and how few seats?

I’m still not 100% sure about this but, Emmy’s, Oscars, Golden Globes, Tony’s, and Grammy’s are the only award shows where the names of the winners aren’t revealed until the envelope is opened live on stage. All the remaining shows? Pfft, it’s all an organized thing. What you see on TV, the reactions ‘Oh my God, did I win? I can’t believe it!’, ‘I really wasn’t expecting that’, they’re all fake. Yes, the emotion for the win is true, but everything else? It’s all bullshit. Winners are notified long, but very long time before that. Indeed, many award shows only invite winners to attend. Haven’t you ever noticed how in some of them the other artists nominated in that same category aren’t even there? If they happened to be there, it’s because it’s very likely that they had won another category, or were there for other reasons, like presenting a performance or whatever.

Aaaand I’m done 😎😝 I think I’ve answered pretty much all the questions I’ve seen on the subject, even though I haven’t seen them here. If you yourselves have questions about this or anything else (even if you want advice on a personal level), as I’ve already said other times, feel free to ask. I’m at your disposal 😊

And thank you, Mari. It has been a while since I’ve done this, but I hope you know that I’m serious every time I thank you. Therefore, thank you once again for virtually letting me into your world and thank you for letting me continue to have little spaces in your blog 🤗🤗🤗

Thanks also to you babies for reading, liking, and re-blogging my occasional posts. But thanks mostly for her. Thanks to those who follow my friend’s blog with the right intentions. That is, with respect and without attacking her. Thanks to those who follow her because you actually like her and the content she posts, and thanks to those who use their brains before asking or submitting something to her. Thanks for real 🙏🏼

I hope you’re all well and that your holidays are continuing with peace and serenity. Stay safe, please. Stay patient. Keep the boat afloat. As usual, always with love, F ❤️

P.S. since I’m currently on vacation for a few more days before having to go back to work, and since I have a little bit more free time, I’m preparing something else for you based on some information that I was able to found out. Stay tuned for the next post 😉 The initials of the title are U and S, so you’ll know when you see it. Byee 😘

___

I was smiling with every word of this submit. Thanks for this clarification, F. It was awesome as usual

#submission #f anon #awards shows

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lilacdorkie · 4 years

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unnoticed | newt x reader

title:unnoticed

pairing: newt x reader

words:

type: fluff/kinda angst

warnings: mentions of blood, suicide, guns

prompt: everyone around you notice your affection and feelings towards newt, exept said boy.

songs recommendetions: miss americana & heartbreak prince by taylor swift, i wanna be yours by arctic monkeys, if i could fly by one direction, fine line by harry styles, i love you by billie eillish, mirrors by justin timberlake, sweater weather by james harris

a/n my first newt imagine, i tried my hardest! sleep well, have a good day and drink water!

***

NEWT didn’t notice. He never noticed the glances you’d give him, longing stares or how sparkles formed in your eyes, whenever you saw him. But Frypan did. He always watched your person in front of blonde boy, thinking how he could be so blind, when it was so obvious.

“He’s such a slinthead” said Fry one day at the bonfire. You furrowed your eyebrows looking at your friend. “ I mean, you give him those eyes and he still reminds blind”. You didn’t say anything. Just glanced at Newt, again.

HE didn’t notice. He never saw how you managed to fix your hair or shirt, when someone said he’s coming towards your way. But Winston did. And never lost a chance to laugh at you or tease, because he knew what was going on.

“You literally look the same everyday. He’s seen you like this million times. It’s like your hands have magic inside of them, that will make you look like a princess, suddenly.” said Winston as Newt went back to work.

“Slim it, Win” you said embarrased knowing, that it was riddiculous. But you couldn’t help it. Newt had that effect on you.

CHUCK got used to your talk, eventually. After two years, he got used to be greeted in the morning with little morning and question if he saw Newt. When it was dinner, he got used to your drooling over second-in-command. Or when you were pranking Gladers, he knew you will immadietly say to not doing anything to Newt. And, of course, he knew at the bed time, you would say how much you liked him.

“I’m telling you (Y/N), one day you will get married and have seven children” said chubby boy resting next to you.” Why so much? Having to take care of sixty boys it’s enough” you said and both of you laughed. He really did wish you a good life with blonde boy.

BOY found himself watching you, closely. He saw your panicked eyes, your shaking hands. Your faster breathe and how you were practically running from one place to another. Alby didn’t want you to see Newt, like that. He also knew the said boy didn’t want either.

“You’ll be okay Newt, everything will be alright. We will fix you. I will fix you. I promise, just don’t leave me, please. I can’t...I can’t loose you. Not you.” you keep saying as you and Minho tried to bear boy’s wounds. His leg was broken in three places and blood streamed down his face.

“It was an accident. Please, don’t worry” Alby said after you treated Newt. You shaked your head, tears kept coming down from your eyes.

“I perfectly know, Alby. I know, what would get him to be injured like that. It’s not nothing. We have to take care of him. Be there for him. I swear on my life, he will survive and he will live happy life” you said with determination. Alby knew since then, that you would give up your own life for blonde boy. You almost did.

BROWN-HAIRED BOY thought it must feel amazing. To love someone this much. To feel pure happiness and love to one person. Thomas was fascinated by your feelings. He always caught himself thinking, how is it, that his best friend doesn’t feel this energy coming from you.

“How does it feel like?” he asked one night, when it was your guys turn to watch the surrodings at the Scorch. You looked at him confused. “To feel so strong emotions and yet, never saying anything” he added. You were silent for a moment. You didn’t know either.”There wasn’t really time to acknowledge it. That’s all.”

YOU were terrified. First you were running from Grievers, then WICKED and now, the Cranks. You asked yourself, when will it stop? But whatever happened, you always were able to hold Newt’s hand. Or his arm. Or part of his shirt. Even when there was some peace, you still had the urge to touch him, somehow. You needed to feel him. To know, he is right beside you. He is safe.

MINHO noticed it. Every time. At first, he thought it’s odd. But then, he realized how you felt. Wondered, what was on his best friend mind.

“ It’s kinda cute, you know” he said, while you all were sitting at the Cliff watching Aris and the girls. ”You hold hands so often, I’d think you are dating”. Newt laughed it off and let go of your hand, just to elbow you with a smirk.

“We got these shunks to think we’re a think, (Y/N). The best irony in my life” blonde boy said shaking his head. You didn’t say anything, just smiled at all of them. They looked at you sympatrically. What could you say?

THE GIRL was smirking, whenever she looked at you two. You were blindly in love with the boy, standing next to you. There wasn’t a moment where you weren’t next to him. Either it was your group discussing rescue plan for Minho or working or eating, your place was next to him.

“Sometimes, I think it’s creepy.” said your best friend sitting along with you at the sand. “What is?” you asked with a smile. She smirked.”How you always are by Newt’s side. It’s probably nothing weird to both of you, but from ours perspective, it really looks amusing, even” she answered, looking straight at you. Blood rushed to your cheeks as you laughed.

“Yeah well, I can’t help it. It’s something that feels right, you know? Like, it should be like that.” you said. Your gaze went to find blonde boy talking with Thomas. Brenda followed you, couldn’t help but smile. She really, really prayed you would confess your feelings finally. From what you and others have been saying, among Minho, Thomas and Fry, you’ve been in love with Newt what it seems, for three years. It pained her to know, how deep you had to hide it. She also felt furious. Not at you, of course. At the boy, who was painfully obvious to your feelings. He didn’t notice small details, that showed how much you loved him.

“I CAN’T SHUCKING BELIEVE IT” said Gally when you walked side by side through the tunnel. He wouldn’t admit it, but felt disappointed and kind of surprised. He knew you and Newt for so long, saw your eyes, your smile, your body language. The way you acted around blonde boy. You had to be goddamn stupid, to not know that you were in love. And yet, you didn’t say a single word. And Newt didn’t see any of that.

“You really want to tell me, that you and him are still friends?” boy looked at you with disbelief. You turned behind to see, if Thomas and Newt don’t hear you.

“I guess. I mean, we always were friends.” you said quietly. Gally rolled his eyes.

“ It doesn’t mean you have to remain like this forever.” he commented with cheesy smile. You laughed and shook your head. “I’m not sure if this is a moment and place to confessions.” you said after a while.

“You’ve been saying it for a years now. It’s been cute at the beginning, seriously. But now, it hurts doesn’t it? What I am saying is, you shouldn’t waste any time. You might not have it a lot.” said Gally with symphaty and worry in his eyes.

“What are you talking about?” you asked not knowing how to proces his words. He didn’t say anything. Part of you didn’t need him to.

SHE looked sadly at her old friend. They didn’t have to tell her. She knew. Newt was infected. She glanced at you. You were looking at him with teary, worried eyes, clinging onto his arm, like always.When she was in WICKED, she couldn’t help but wonder, if she didn’t betray Thomas like that, would two of them be like you and Newt?

“He’s the love of your life, isn’t he?” she asked, getting your chip out of your neck. You didn’t say anyting. There was nothing to say.

“The serum you have….It won’t save him. You know that” you remained silent. Tears came to your eyes but you didn’t say anything. Thomas noticed the change in your facial expression. “I think that’s enough.” he said getting you away from her. He knew exactly what was that about. Of course he noticed. But him? He was to busy with his thoughts. Thoughts that were killing him, slowly.

“PLEASE (Y/N) JUST LISTEN TO ME” raven-haired girl practically yelled at you. “You know he doesn’t have much time. But I can help him. We can save him. I just need to test Thomas’ blood.” said Teresa pleading with her eyes towards you. Normally, you would laughed at her face. But this time, it was different. It was about Newt. You looked at him, almost crying. He was already looking at you, shaking his head. Without breaking stare, you asked a question:

“Will you save him?” your voice was shaking, you saw how Newt looked at you not confused. You felt Thomas sharp voice; “You can’t be serious, (Y/N)”. You still were looking at Newt. You hoped your eyes would tell him something, your lips weren’t able to.

“I know together, we will”

***

AND that’s how you were running again. But this time, with needle in your hand and Teresa by your side. Corridors were almost empty, just doctors evacuating. Every guard was now just were The Ivy Trio was. That’s why you found them without any trouble. They noticed you straight away but obviously, guards did too. You reached the boys and started running together, as bullets were flying to your side. You were so determineted, so thankful for Teresa’s resarch that you didn’t feel bullet which was now lower your ribs.

“Newt I got it, I got the cure.” you half-shouted when you all were in the room. They all looked at you like you were crazy.”Me and Teresa got it, you just have…” then you felt pain all over your body. Your legs were wobbly, head dizzy and you dropped to the floor.

“Bloody hell, (Y/N)! You’re bleeding!” said Newt kneeling next to you. You looked at him confuesd. “So what? Newt, didn’t you hear what I said? We have te cure. You’ll be okay”

“You literally was shot and even then, you still worry abiut this shuckface.” said Minho with disbelief. You just looked at blonde boy with the biggest smile despite the pain, killing you inside.

“You’re crazy, you know that?” said Newt taking the needle from your hand and putting it to the pocket. You didn’t look happy like few seconds before.

“What the hell? You have to take it, now.” you said completely ignoring Thomas and Minho who were now, breaking the big glass in front of them.

“(Y/N), are you insane? Your life is on an edge and you are asking me, to take the needle? Shouldn’t you worry about yourself first?” he said trying to stop the bleeding. Teresa slowly put you on your legs, as you had to jump.

“When you love someone more than yourself, you care more about him than you.” you mumbled. He just looked at you. Still, you thought, he didn’t notice..”

“Are you sure about that?” asked Minho looking at Thomas worried.

“Not really.” said boy. Newt frowned.”Great. We’re all bloody inspired”

As he said that, door opened. The four of you looked behind, you too tired to well, actually care. Then you felt youself falling down and then, into the unconsciousness.

AS YOU OPENED YOUR EYES, you were convinced that you died and are in some kind of after life. You stand and went outside. The first thing you noticed, was ocean. You smiled and walked towards it. Your mind was so mesmerized, that you didn’t notice Newt’s big smile when he saw you are awake. This time you didn’t notice. As he walked as fast as he could, to be by your side. How he ignored Minho’s snarky comment “about time, shank”. How he shoved everyone from his path, just to get to you. How his eyes were ony on you. How he sat by your side, not saying anything. How the minute he looked at you, he remembered your words about love. How he mentally punched himself in the face for not noticing your signs. Finally realizing why Gally was so pissed at him. Why Thomas smiled at him like that. Why Minho gave him speech about being slinthead. Why Frypan laughed at him. Why Brenda was smirking when she saw him heading to you.

“I know it now, love. I noticed.” he said looking at you. You were already looking at him. With those eyes. This smile. You reached his hand and interwined your fingers together.

“Thank you for saving me. For all these years.” Newt said kissing your knuckles. You chuckled.”Of course, Newt. You know I will always do that.”

He was by your side. All was well.

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