#forcing myself to use more than the same two photoshop brushes over and over and over and over and over a

[junebuggeryy]

creechurz

[andatsea]

XP-Pen Artist Pro 24 Review

I drew this with an XP-Pen Artist Pro 24, which the team at XP-Pen kindly sent to me for review. I’ve had to opportunity to use this tablet on-and-off over the course of the past several weeks, and while there were a few issues my overall impression is positive.

Unboxing / Contents

Apart from the 24” display tablet itself, the package comes with the usual cabling peripherals, plus some bonus extras. If your machine supports a USB-C connection for display, you’ll only need the one cable (plus the power connection). Otherwise, there’s a HDMI and a USB-C to USB converter included as well.

The extras include: an additional stylus, a one-size-fits-all artist’s glove, and a microfiber cloth.

The container for the stylus twists open to reveal 8 extra stylus nibs. Its cap can also be removed to use as a stylus holder.

Driver (Installation & General Use)

There were a few issues with installation, mostly tied to interactions between the driver, Windows 10 and Windows Ink.

Initially, brush strokes were offset from the stylus’ point of contact with the screen by about 3-4 centimetres when attempting to draw in Photoshop CS6. Random straight strokes also occurred frequently. This same problem did not occur in MS Paint or Photoshop CC 2019. This was fixed by changing the UI scaling setting for the monitor in Windows settings from 125% (which was apparently the default) to 100%.

Initially, brush strokes had no pen pressure in Photoshop CC 2019. Photoshop CS6, on the other hand, did (but suffered from the previous offset problem). This was fixed by turning on the Windows Ink setting in the XP-Pen driver menu. So in other words: CC 2019 needs Windows Ink on to recognise pen pressure, while CS6 didn’t, but was affected by UI scaling.

Interestingly, if Windows Task Manager was in focus and Windows Ink was not enabled in driver settings, stylus input was not recognised at all. There may be other programs that have this issue, but this was the only one I encountered so far.

I will say that I’ve had many problems with Wacom drivers interacting badly with Windows Ink and other things in the past before, so these types of issues are not exclusive to the XP-Pen drivers.

I’m currently using driver version 3.0.5, a beta build that has a lovely UI; it’s clear and laid out well. I did also try version 1.6.4 initially, which was fine — the UI for that version was similar to the layout you find with Wacom drivers.

Apart from the issues during installation that required troubleshooting, I haven’t had many major complaints with the driver in day-to-day use, I do think that there are a few areas for improvement, however.

The driver stops working correctly each time the computer is set to sleep and woken up again. To fix this the driver must be exited from the system tray and then relaunched.

There also doesn’t seem to be a way to bind WIN+SHIFT+ARROW to any of the express keys. WIN+SHIFT+ARROW (left or right arrow) is the Windows shortcut to quickly move a focused window to another monitor, so it’s something I use a lot if I’m on a multi-monitor setup. Unfortunately, attempting to set this shortcut in the express keys menu will simply move the actual driver window over to the other monitor while the custom input is not properly recognised in the text field.

The driver does offer a “switch monitor” option for the express keys that when clicked will transfer your stylus input to another monitor, which is extremely useful.

Screen

At 24” with a 2560x1440p QHD resolution, images are sharp and crisp even when viewed from a close range while drawing. Genuinely, it feels great to paint on based off this aspect alone.

The colour temperature is set to 6500K by default in the the driver settings. I think initially it felt just a touch too saturated, but overall I’m fairly happy with the colour display.

The monitor has touch-sensitive inputs on the top right corner: a -/+ for quickly adjusting the brightness, a menu for further settings, and power. I found myself using these to adjust the brightness throughout the day frequently. The power input requires a few seconds of continued contact from your finger to react, which prevents you from accidentally brushing it and turning the monitor on/off.

The monitor comes with a built-in stand. I found it easy to adjust to different viewing angles and also incredibly sturdy. I had no problems leaning on the monitor while drawing.

The monitor also comes with a pre-applied anti-glare screen protector. I wasn’t bothered by it and it seems to be holding out well after several weeks of use. I think the screen itself definitely needs the additional anti-glare, as being a display tablet means that it’s significantly more reflective than my main display.

Stylus

My first impression of the stylus was that it’s lighter in comparison to the Wacom styluses that I’m used to — there is very little to no weighting on the back end of the stylus, which makes it feel noticeably different when gripped. To be honest, though, I forgot about it when I was actually painting. Still, I would prefer a bit more weighting because I do think it makes the stylus more comfortable to hold overall for long periods of time.

There’s also no eraser nib, but I’ve personally never used those on Wacom tablets (I always use shortcuts to switch between brush and eraser instead) so this was a non-issue for me.

The two shortcut buttons on the side of the stylus sit quite flat to the surface, so I think they would be less likely to bother people who don’t use them. I use them a lot, however, and found that they were still easy to click despite being quite flat.

Unfortunately however I ran into a curious issue with using one of the stylus buttons to activate the eyedropper tool. When the “alt” key is mapped to one of the triggers on the stylus, activation of the eyedropper function in Photoshop (tested in both CS6 and CC 2019) is somewhat unreliable. That is, when the “alt” key is held down, the expected result is that once you tap the stylus on the canvas, a “mouse-click” will be triggered and the eyedropper will activate. While this works perfectly fine if you hold down “alt” from the keyboard (or hold down an “alt” that’s bound to one of the 20 express keys), when you hold “alt” from a stylus trigger I found that tapping quickly with the stylus only seemed to activate the eyedropper about 50% of the time. In order to activate it more reliably, I had to press harder and longer with the stylus, which can become tiring and slowed down my painting process. I also found that frequently, pressing down longer would lock me into the eyedropping function until I clicked the trigger key again.

After submitting feedback about this XP-Pen’s R&D department, I was informed that this issue occurs because the stylus is only able to send one message to the tablet at a time. Pressing “alt” on the stylus and trying to “click” at the same time counts as two messages, which may interact with each other unexpectedly. This is why it sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t.

The buttons seem to otherwise work completely fine for any other functions that don’t require the stylus to send two simultaneous messages, so unless you’re like me and like to bind “alt” to a stylus trigger, this won’t affect you.

Pen Pressure & Activation Force

Most current-gen tablets flash a big number for the pen pressure levels as a selling point. Having used tablets with 512, 2k, 4k and 8k levels of pressure sensitivity, I’d say I noticed the biggest difference when switching from 512 to 2k, but in my opinion beyond 2k the change is minimal and has no real impact on the way I draw. The XP-Pen Artist Pro 24 comes with 8192 levels of sensitivty, which is a very big number, but in practical application all I can say is that it works the way I expect it to and I don’t have any complaints regarding the transition between pressure levels on the default linear pressure curve.

More importantly I did notice that the IAF (initial activation force) was not as low as I would have liked. Very light input is not recognised, or only partially recognised before dropping off and on again. In a practical sense this doesn’t actually impact me through most of (perhaps 97%) of the painting process, but it did give me pause once in a while when I wanted to make a really light stroke and had to adjust my method. The drivers for this tablet do come with a pressure curve you can adjust to your preferences, so this can help a little, although after some tests I preferred to leave mine on the default setting.

Summary of Drawing Experience (tl;dr)

I think the mark of a good tool or piece of hardware is that it does not draw attention to itself during the course of its use. An ideal drawing experience allows me to be fully immersed in the act of drawing without having my focus shifted to dealing with the tool. With this in mind the XP-Pen Artist Pro performed very well for the most part, but was held back by a couple of issues.

Pros:

The monitor resolution honestly feels great to look at; the pixel density means that I can basically forget about pixels even with my face positioned closer to the screen.

The parallax between the tip of the stylus and the actual position of input was very minimal and basically not noticeable for me, especially after the simple calibration process offered by the driver.

At normal room temperature (say up to about mid-20’s celsius) the monitor screen stays impressively cool to the touch and I was never bothered by resting my drawing hand on its surface even when painting for long sessions.

The 20 express keys and 2 roller rings are extremely helpful and I actually found myself using all of them, despite initially thinking that I’d only need half of them. The keys are also comfortable and responsive to click (which sounds like it should obviously be so, but having used some Intuos iterations in the past which had some very annoying-to-click express keys, I don’t take this feature for granted anymore).

Cons:

The driver needs to be restarted everytime the computer wakes from sleep in order to work.

Higher IAF was noticeable when very light strokes were desirable. Also, the input will on rare occasions glitch by performing a completely straight max opacity + max brush size stroke. This seemed to happen primarily when I was trying to get light strokes to register. (It didn’t happen often enough to bother me much since it’s just a quick undo, but it did happen enough times that I noticed it.)

The issue with eyedropping using “alt” mapped to a stylus trigger as detailed above. Quite unlucky for someone like me who has over a decade of muscle memory for this particular mapping.

Overall, as I said at the beginning, my impression of the tablet is positive. While I think it has room for improvement when it comes to driver performance and the initial activation force especially, it also has a lot to offer at a highly competitive price point ($900USD at retail), and it would’ve been amazing if something like this had been available to me back when I first started digital painting. As I do enjoy using it for the most part I’ll probably continue to use it on-and-off in future.

[linespider-blog]

Pictures of a Floating World, or Attempting a Definitive Map of the Clouds

So.

Let me tell you what I've been on about lately. For...ages now, I've been very involved in trying to better my understanding of comics, the design of them, the structures and formats, because I really want to make something of an ambitious design. I want to have a lot of the planning accomplished, so that what I create will readily work as a book, will have a consistent visual vocabulary, and will have a flexible enough framework that I can present certain ideas I have that I really want to convey that will probably be in defiance of what I appear to be doing a lot of the time. It's a big project. I've been going after all kinds of sources, and learning more, like the layout system demonstrated by Frank Santoro that can be rooted into fine art and renaissance painting, to dynamic symmetry, the inevitable Scott McCloud manuals, Paul Pope, Tony Millionaire, Brandon Graham, Moebius, Seth, and, of course, lots and lots of Mike Mignola. I've been lead up and down many hills. And then with lots of theory and dry erase board plotting under my belt and in my phone, I turn around into Fantagraphics Instagram demonstrating innumerable examples of people like Simon Hanselmann, working at an extremely high level with the humble squared grid, making each frame count and working the point of view moment to moment, and...I keep going.

Ultimately all of this boiled down into statements by Jim Woodring that absolutely rang my bell. It's hard to summarize Woodring, but he's a storyteller of immense talent who uses no dialogue. He primarily works with his character Frank, who lives in a surreal landscape of recurring characters and challenges that are very hard to put into words. Many of his ideas tower with significance, and he's the sort that is at once incredibly serious about his personal dedication to the craft of what he is making, but also incredibly averse to appearing any crazier than he has to while discussing what motivate him, while simultaneously being as matter-of-fact as he can about being informed by the concept of 'the Unifactor,' a term he uses to describe the world that Frank exists in.

Woodring is successful, largely independent, and, I would say, reasonably cantankerous. There are many cartoonists that over time seem to lose a proportional worldview, but Jim Woodring is not one of them. One of the things I listened to him opine recently on an older podcast, was the preponderance of, as he put it, 'prosthetic geniuses' in the field of comics, meaning those that rely on digital artwork to achieve their aims, such as Photoshop and the like. It should be noted that among his achievement Jim Woodring has crafted a quill pen with a fourteen-inch nib, that he dips into a flower vase filled with diluted black acrylic paint and leans against his shoulder to ink massive designs. He can apparently do it for hours, and cites this as being easier on the body than conventional drawing, although also much slower.

But to the point, he explained that, when a drawing is attempted on paper, no matter what, when you're doing, you have an object. The object is a drawing. It's there, it exists as an outcome of your efforts. Whereas with digital work, all you've created is an impermanent file. This really has gotten me thinking, as, for ages one my goals has been to be able to achieve drawing digitally with the same level of output as in physical media. And these words he said, made me forced to concede that these two would never achieve something approaching parity-my efforts in digital artwork were like mining for bitcoin, endlessly toiling on touchscreens to create something of value as real as the paper it could be printed on.

By this same marker, I've found that my...innumerable studies for my comic work had gotten extremely conceptual, so deeply around the bend to be nearly as visual algebra. And yet...simply taking a page, and working within the confines of that page, guided by the frictive information of my drafting pencil against the indifference of the paper's texture, was giving my fidelity levels of feedback that Wacom's 1024 levels of pressure or Procreate's rabbitholes of brush behavior customization could not hope to convey to me so rapidly or so effectively. I think of all the time I've spent battling drivers and system updates to just start to work on something that may not have even existed after I was done with it, artwork forgotten in a document folder that I would never even see unless I thought to look for it, that would remain non-existent and permanently out of sight short of me deciding to browse my hard drive instead of trying to make another thing scratchlessly from scratch.

Which is all to say that my focus has been finally pulled. There is no equaling the immediacy of physical art. I have spent nearly two decades in each realm now, but one is real, and the other only casts a shadow in pixels. Make no mistake, I will, still, be using Photoshop and other programs to complete the production of what I intend to do, but the work I want, is going to come from my hands and from finite materials. I've already made from very fine things, and I expect I'll have more soon. I've scarcely scratched the surface of what I want to do, and the stories I want to tell. Everything I have will help me along the way. I just have to let myself do the best work with the most appropriate tools in order to get there.

[boratanical]

graphics guide

a guide filled with basic info, tips, and answers to common questions that i hope helps people who want to start making graphics

*this was made based on my experiences of making graphics and is what i thought was important to cover but everyone has different ways and approaches so dont feel the need to follow everything on here

what is a graphic?

a graphic (also known as ‘gfx’) is a image edit that incorporates various elements (textures, filters, text, etc) in order to visualize a idea or to create a aesthetic composition 

unlike making gifs, there is no right or proper way to make a graphic so dont get too caught up in the idea that a graphic should look a certain way - just stick with your style and what you think looks good 

anatomy

image/subject

usually the main focus of the whole graphic

you should always try to use a sharp hd picture - getting it from the original source is always the best option 

make sure the source of the picture allows editing - pictures from public sources like a company or the news can be edited while fansite pics and scans need to have permission asked (and if they give you permission make sure you link them when you post your graphic!)

coloring 

often referred as ‘psd’ because that is the format they are in (i.e. pink psd pack)

comprise of multiple layers that can alter the images look 

a lot of people make their own colorings since the outcome of the look also depends on the image’s original coloring 

textures

smaller cut out images that are often used to decorate the graphic

can also refer to a image that can be use as a background of a graphic

can be found in the form of a png (copy + paste into graphic) or a brush (”painted” on to the graphic) 

avoid using any textures that does not state the original poster made them - you could unintentionally be using someone’s work that was not made to be used [read more about it here + resources that you can actually use]

text

text can be used to tell information or just for decoration

try to choose fonts and colors that are legible

faq 

what software can i use to make graphics

most people use some version of photoshop (i currently use photoshop cc 2018) and a lot people have it cracked but if you cant afford photoshop, find a cracked version or a patcher (i used adobe zii 3.0.4 for mac), or are uncomfortable with getting a cracked version then there are other softwares that are just as good!

i can only vouch for gimp since i used it when i first started making gfxs. it is very similar to photoshop and shares most of the same tools and has a similar look to photoshop. it is also probably the most popular photoshop alternative and would totally recommend it if you cant get photoshop!

[visit + download gimp here]

where do you get your pictures from

official sources such as teasers companies release, photos released by press, photos from idol’s instagram - basically photos that are made for the public to see are whats best to use for a gfx. you should download the photos straight from the source so you get it at its highest quality 

some phrases you can use to search for pictures on google: - [group name] photoshoot - [idol name] press  - [group name] showcase  - [idol name] teaser

remember the more specific you are in your search the better! also when you search through google make sure you check your source!

avoid getting photos from reposting websites like we heart it and pinterest  avoid using fansite pictures and scans unless you are granted permission

i don’t know where to start/i’m overwhelmed and i don’t know what to do/ where should i begin

figure out what you want to make or a theme you want to follow - do you want to make a simple graphic or a infographic? do you want it to center around a certain theme like a comeback or a photoshoot? once you determine what you want to do it becomes easier getting ideas and finding stuff you will need for the gfx

example thought process: “i want to make a loona graphic” →  do you want it to be the whole group or a certain member or unit? will it just be a simple gfx or a AU gfx or based on a event that the group is doing? “i’ve decided on doing a kim lip one” → do you want it to have a certain theme like kim lip smiling or kim lip with blonde hair? is there a certain frame of time in which you want the graphic to represent like during eclipse era or hi high era?  “i want it to be from max and match era with her teasers” → from here you can start finding pictures to use and thinking of colors and textures that would fit your theme

where do you get ideas/inspiration from

i mean it’s different for everyone but for me i literally just think of stuff and i’m like wow i want to make that happen asdfsdfj but mostly when i see pictures or watch something thats where i suddenly get a idea 

but tumblr is full of graphic makers!!! ive seen so many amazing graphics from various fandoms like kpop, anime, marvel, etc. 

some amazing graphic editors i know myself include: primirene, ireone, nctjaemin, celo-mar, 1hyungseo, jeongahn, haechxnie, sonxiumin, syua, lulumelody, dinomite, lovelyeo, joohys, whatchatalkabout, yveu, maerinah, mihyon, lorbits, cherryjennie, thatporcelain, monoka, ifbin, 7ww

some other places you can look at are behance (dont go on behance if you have a cracked ver of ps - it might trigger a ingenue software alert that is a huge pain to deal with), pinterest, deviantart, dribble, and probably any social media platform if you just look up #graphicdesign

remember if you take inspiration from someone’s work then you should cite them in your caption - if you are afraid that you might’ve accidentally copied someone when you were trying to take inspiration from them its best to either try to remake the gfx again or just to ask the creator permission if its fine if certain details are similar/same

my stuff sucks how do i get better

literally just keep on making stuff aka practice. you can’t improve if you don’t bother putting effort. 

ways i’ve forced myself into practicing making gfxs is by: 1) starting a gfxs series - its self paced and is based on what you want to make (i.e. introducing my biases gfx series, my favorite outfits gfx series, etc) 2) taking in requests - people who would request from you probably like your stuff so its a win win situation (i.e. send me a idol + era, send me your bias + palette, send me a group and i’ll make a gfx of my fav member, etc)

tips

only sharpen your pictures after you are done resizing them, if you sharpen and then resize it might result in a more blurry or grainy picture 

always save your graphic every 5-10 mins in case photoshop crashes 

 have two copies of your image cutout: one will be the original and the other one will be the one you edit with - in case you mess up like over erasing or over sharpening your image you have a back up you can use

stick with a color palette so you don’t get overwhelmed when having to color everything and it makes all the graphic panels you have look more cohesive 

on photoshop you can favorite fonts!!! take advantage of it!!! your computer has a lot of fonts saved on it and it takes forever to look through a whole list of fonts so by favoring fonts you can see all of the fonts that you like to use for graphics

combine a png pack to one psd → when you open a png pack you will probably get a lot of png files and it gets annoying having a lot of tabs open in photoshop when most of them are just textures so by putting all of those pngs into one psd you can cut down the files you open and can easily see all of your options 

make folders dedicated to colorings and textures that way you can easily access them instead of looking through your computer for a certain file

name your layers... i dont do it because its easy for me to tell what layer is what but when you are working with a lot of layers its best just to name them it’ll make life easier

lock your main image/subject so that when you play with texts’ and textures’ location you don’t accidentally move your main image

use curves to help get a photo back to its original coloring! like if you have a photo that has a weird filter on it just use curves and it’ll help the picture look more natural! [tutorial]

try warping your text to make it stand out more! you can access it by pressing the icon on the top text bar that has a T with a curved line under it. i use flag and wave the most

alter a particular color by using a selective color layer

rather than changing the actual color of an image/texture you can: create new layer → select the image/texture and color it on the new layer instead of on top of the image/texture → change the opacity or the mode of the layer so that the color is put on the image/texture while keeping its detailing and not affecting the actual image/texture

resources

colorings: can be found on deviantart or tumblr just look up ‘psd coloring’ or ‘[color] psd’ 

textures: can be found on deviantart (check to see if its og content or stolen) simply just search what you are trying to find or ‘png pack’ or ‘texture pack’ common textures you can try to find: vintage flowers, memphis shapes, organic shapes, doodles other wesbites: pngtree, creative market, lost and taken, spoongraphics

fonts: if you are looking for a certain font then you can just do a google search but if you are browsing then dafont and font squirrel are really good websites too some of my favorite fonts: abril fatface, agfatumc, antonellie calligraphy, arcadeclassic, bebas neue, century gothic, couture, daily news 1915, dark larch, hondurhas, kotori rose, krinkles, risingstar, sant joan despi, studly, zing rust

color palettes: i made one myself which you can find here, color hunt, and honestly a quick google search will give you tons of options

if you have any questions, other stuff you want me to cover, or want to add more resources and tips then please dm or send an ask! i hope this helps!

[toxicsquad]

There is no better way to get to know someone than through a good question tag. In this case we have decided to make an Indie game dev question tag with the responses of our four developers. We hope that it will reveal many unknowns, but if you are left with any questions, do not hesitate to use our ask.

What part of game development are you responsible for?

Athe: I write and write, I melt in my seat, I correct, I cry and then I program. It’s an endless cycle. Occasionally I laugh like crazy while I eat Pringles.

Sam: I draw and color without leaving the lines (almost always) the sprites, the illustrations and the ravings that usually occur to us past 3 in the morning.

Illy: English translations.

Sher: I draw BGs

What tools do you use (hardware / software)?

Athe: Recently my desktop PC has passed away, so I’ve had to rescue my old PC from the garage. I also have a laptop that saves my life more times than I would like to admit. As for the software, I need, above all, drive documents, video editing programs, image etc (I have an Adobe package) and of course Renpy and Atom.

Sam: My main friend and companion is my tablet, a wacom intuos S (pistachio color, so cute). As programs I mainly use the Paint Tool Sai, because there is nothing in this life like its stabilizer. And less frequently than I would like (for details, texture brushes, effects ...) I also use Clip Studio Paint, which I only know how to use at about 2% of its capacity ... If someday I have time I would love to stop and learn seriously what can be done with it.

Illy: During the school year I live in a residence, so I use an old laptop, and when I return home I use a desktop computer that never has memory space. I translate the chapters in the same Atom where the complete script is and I keep them in google drive files where I share them with our beta reader. I also use editing programs like photoshop when I have to translate comics or procreate for when my artistic skills are required.

Sher: ipad+procreate+some final tweak in photoshop, I don't need much more

What is your favorite part of the job?

Athe: Would it be wrong if I say that is when we released the episode? During the whole production time everything is very stressful, there are times when it’s really uphill, but when we release a new chapter it feels soooo good. It's like saying to yourself, yeah, dammit, I can do it. Look at everything you've climbed by yourself. You're doing it right.

Sam: In general, my favorite parts are when the first scenes start to be programmed, and I can see the sprites with the backgrounds, the texts, and how the illustrations look. Everything always looks so much better when viewed in-game… I also really like being able to check out the script as it is written. And from the artistic part that concerns me, when I see that my hands capture the idea that I had in my head ... Especially in character designs.

Illy: Having to find a way to translate very spanish expressions into English, research vocabulary that I have never had to use and commenting on some translations with our beta reader (which we adore) to make it understandable without losing the original meaning.

Sher: I like to do the lineart when the sketch is complete, if I no longer have to think about anything else and it's just going through it, I find it very fun and relaxing

What is the most difficult part for you?

Athe: Offf, yes, I admit it, sometimes writing is the WORST. Other times I love it, especially when I can expand on the descriptions or stop at a part that is intimate or that I find interesting (for example, Hasiel's conversation from 6.3, small spoiler: P). But, I HATE having to paste scenes, often the protagonist moves between scenes and you always have to add lines to those transitions that really do not interest anyone, but that otherwise the text would be confusing. Anyway... It is a very wide world, with a lot of history, I have to deal with what I need readers to know to understand the facts, although sometimes it gets a bit boring.

Sam: What part does not... Rather who e.e Zihel and Ariel are a thorn in my side. Especially Zihel. I know it has to do with the fact that it has never been my strength to draw boys, and much less if they are more masculine in appearance... That's why I also suffer a lot from drawing muscles. Another thing that brings me a headache is the perspective of the illustrations. Every time I try to get out of the typical shot or poses a little... It doesn't work out.

Illy: Doughy’s  stuttering ¬.¬

Sher: chairs, sofas, tables... anything with four legs is my enemy

Anything to help or encourage you while you are working?

Athe: I need music, no, seriously, I NEED IT. I’m unable to focus without it. If, on top of that, I can get what I hear to act as a sounding board for what I write, the text is a thousand times better... But the muse is a pretty bad person.

Sam: Having a show/movie in the background that entertains me. The longer the better, so I don't have to stop to think what I want to put on next.

Illy: Eating sunflower seeds to trick my brain and not be tempted to do something else that distracts me.

Sher: I try to see other artists to motivate and inspire me before I start drawing, what I find most difficult is that initial push and that is where I need the motivation, then I usually have something in the background but it is not necessary

Something that’s a pet peeve or discouraging?

Athe: Some narrative climax moments. Generally, they are not important plot moments (that is almost entirely decided), they are often small decisions to go from scene A to scene B, but I can spend a LOT of time deciding which is the fastest and best way to tie those two ends. I'm the worst.

Sam: Many times when starting, I can't get the poses to fit the way I want, for example.

Illy: Finding many parts in a row that I find especially difficult to solve and that make me believe that I have forgotten how to English properly. And looking at how many lines I still have left.

Sher: When I don't know how to fill in some area, if I see something very empty but I don't know how to solve it, I can spend days looking at the screen without being able to advance, even if I have other areas that I could do in the meantime

What is required on your table or work surface?

Athe: Notebooks, sticky notes, pens… I’m a person who writes everything down, especially the tasks, but I also order the story by color schemes. The stack of sticky notes have 9 different colors, each one represents a character and I play a lot with them for a lot of nonsense. Besides, even though I have been writing on the computer for many more years than I wrote by hand, I still have a preference for the analogical.

Sam: Coffee, sweets, chocolate, cereals... And cats.

Illy: My phone, the sunflower seeds, a Capital America: Civil War 1L water cup, sticky notes that remind me of tasks.

Sher: I have nothing really lol all my things are for decoration

Your most productive hours?

Athe: Owl. Totally nocturnal. Although I have several crises a month to force myself to work at other times that always end... Wrong.

Sam: Also at night for the most part, although I can no longer stay awake as long as I endured before having a job (the good old days...) However, in the middle of the afternoon, when the zoo that I have at home is still taking a nap, I also manage to go a long way.

Illy: From when I finish eating until 7 or 8 in the afternoon, when I don't have to cook, clean, run errands...

Sher: I take over for Illy apparently, from 7 or 8 is when I start to get into the mood until bedtime

Do working hours make you forget to eat or make you eat twice as much?

Athe: It depends, in the past I ate a lot, now if I have stress I don't eat anything. If I'm in a normal productive phase and I'm not on my nerves, I'm probably eating by inertia.

Sam: They make me eat more, but especially junk food e.e And they make me forget healthy meals, especially dinner at night.

Illy: It depends on my mood, but I usually eat twice as much.

Sher: I'm generally a VERY distracted person so I don't usually get to focus on a task to get to either of those two modes but I guess when I am sooooooo much on the task, I forget. But that happens like a couple of times a year and "forgetting" is "I delay an hour."

What part of your set up would you improve / change (in aesthetics or functionality) if you had no money limit?

Athe: I'm trying to match some of my peripherals with the rest. They are all a damn different color, apparently I'm cursed... Now seriously, I wish I had a better graphic card that would allow me to make video captures, some speakers and a quality printer.

Sam: Actually, I don't think I need anything more complex than what I already have… But if I had to improve something, I'm curious about the most professional tablets, the big ones with the included screen and all that stuff.

Illy: A new laptop that lets me open 4 chrome tabs, Atom and photoshop at the same time without dying.

Sher: A pc screen that will not change the colors I use on the iPad would be nice, really

Which character are you most like? And why?

Athe: Phew I think the easy answer would be to say Akane ... But, Akane is a better person. : P

Sam: This is very difficult... They are all very different, but still I do not think I look much like any of them. If I have to say something, I could identify with Maske's tendency to avoid problems, and his more homey and calm side. And well… Since Akane has been an OC of mine for many years, surely I have something of her too.

Illy: I think I partly have Maske's instinct to stay out of trouble, and on the other hand Joe's shallowness, although tbh I wish I really did look like any of our awesome babies.

Sher: surprised because (unpopular opinion around here) is one of those who I "least care" about really but I would say that Pin because he is a little dumb, happy and probably has a Satanic room and proud of it

Favorite CG/art.

Athe: AT THE MOMENT. Maske chapter 1. It couldn't be more predictable. I know.

Sam: I quite agree with Maske in chapter 1. But I would also put Pin in chapter 5 and Akane in chapter 6.2 on the top.

Illy: Kyeran in Coco's tank ?? Is he even real? Being basic is my brand.

Sher: surprised again and disappointed but I would say that of angel Hasiel because I like pretty dresses, pretty hairs and pretty wings

Favorite BG/scene.

Athe: The Red Light District amazes me. I already liked the life of that place, its history, but the way of expressing it... Uggg Sher took it to another level. The dirt on the street, the night, the constricted buildings...

Sam: I think I’ll say Raziel’s square, I like it a lot from the first day.

Illy: I don't know if I can choose just one T__T but I would say that the Red Light District and Valefar's pub are at the top.

Sher: for not repeating the red light district that I also like very much, I really like the areas of Coco's laboratory, including the “main” area although the perspective is horrible and makes the characters look tiny, but I like how it looks :(

Your favorite chapter to date?

Athe: Ufff... The first and second one I assure you no, hahaha. I will say that the third one, but also for things that are not necessarily from the chapter, but of the production. It was a good moment. I felt that everything was flowing with ease. We all assumed a clear role, they were times that made us feel comfortable and capable of assuming what came next, I think it was a qualitative leap also, both in texts and in art.

Sam: Oh. Well let's see... Chapter 5 is amazing for me, for everything that happens but also because there are many personalized interactions and choices. I can't say I have a definitive favorite, but it could come close… Also from the last ones I really like the 6.2.

Illy: Chapter 5 has so many details, so many things happen, it's hard not to be my favorite. But the last ones with the specific routes are so great that if I stay with the 5 it’s with the  pain of my heart to have to choose one.

Sher: I would say 5 also because in the end when a lot of things happen is when you remember the most

Twitter​ | Instagram​ | Itch

🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧

No hay mejor forma de conocer a alguien que a través de un buen tag de preguntas. En este caso hemos decidido hacer un Indie game dev question tag con las respuestas de las cuatro desarrolladoras. Esperamos que os aclare muchas incógnitas, pero si os quedáis con alguna no dudéis en usar nuestro ask.

¿Qué parte del desarrollo del juego llevas a cabo?

Athe: Escribo, escribo, me derrito sobre mi asiento, corrijo, lloro y después programo. Es un ciclo sin fin. Ocasionalmente me río como una demente mientras como Pringles.

Sam: Dibujo y coloreo sin salirme de las líneas (casi siempre) los sprites, las ilustraciones y los desvaríos que suelen surgir a partir de las 3 de la mañana. 

Illy: Las traducciones a inglés.

Sher: Hago fonditos

¿Qué herramientas utilizas (hardware/software)?

Athe: Recientemente mi PC de sobremesa ha fallecido, así que he tenido que rescatar mi viejo PC del trastero, también tengo un portatil que me salva la vida más veces de las que me gustaría admitir. En cuanto al software, necesito, sobre todo, documentos de drive, programas de edición de video, imagen etc (tengo un paquete de Adobe) y por supuesto Renpy y Atom.

Sam: Mi principal amiga y compañera es mi tableta, una wacom intuos S (color pistacho, muy cuqui.) Como programas uso sobretodo el Paint Tool Sai, porque no hay nada en esta vida como su estabilizador. Y con menos frecuencia de lo que querría (para detalles, pinceles de texturas, efectos…) también utilizo el Clip Studio Paint, el cual sólo se usar como a un 2% de su capacidad… Si algún día tengo tiempo me encantaría pararme a aprender seriamente todo lo que se puede hacer con él. 

Illy: Durante el curso vivo en una residencia, así que uso un portatil del año que reinó carolo, y cuando vuelvo a mi casa un ordenador de sobremesa que nunca tiene espacio en la memoria. Los capítulos los traduzco en el mismo Atom en el que está el guión completo y los guardo en drive donde los comparto con nuestra beta reader. También uso programas de edición como photoshop cuando tengo que traducir viñetas o procreate para cuando mis habilidades artísticas son requeridas.

Sher: ipad+procreate+algún retoquito final en photoshop no necesito mucho más

¿Cuál es tu parte de favorita del trabajo?

Athe: ¿Estaría mal si digo que es cuando sacamos el episodio? Durante toda la producción todo es muy estresante, hay veces, que se hace realmente cuesta arriba, pero cuando liberamos un nuevo capítulo sienta taaaan bien. Es como decirte a ti misma, sí, joder, puedo hacerlo. Mira todo lo que has escalado tú solita. Lo estás haciendo bien.

Sam: En general, mis partes favoritas son cuando se empiezan a programar las primeras escenas, y puedo ver los sprites con los fondos, los textos, y cómo se ven las ilustraciones. Todo queda siempre mucho mejor cuando se ve dentro del juego… También me gusta mucho poder cotillear el guión conforme se va escribiendo. Y de la parte artística que me toca, cuando veo que mis manos plasman la idea que tenía en mi cabeza… Sobretodo en diseños de personajes. 

Illy: Tener que buscar la forma de traducir a inglés expresiones muy nuestras, investigar vocabulario que no he tenido que usar jamás y comentar algunas traducciones con nuestra beta reader (a la que adoramos) para conseguir que se entienda sin perder el significado original.

Sher: me gusta hacer el lineart cuando el sketch está completo, si ya no tengo que pensar nada más y es solo ir repasando me parece muy divertido y relajante

¿Cuál es la parte que más te cuesta?

Athe: Ufff, sí, lo admito, escribir a veces es lo PEOR. Otras me encanta, sobre todo, cuando puedo explayarme con las descripciones o detenerme en una parte íntima o que a mí me parece interesante (por ejemplo, la conversación de Hasiel del 6.3, pequeño spoiler :P). Pero, ODIO tener que empastar escenas, a menudo el protagonista se mueve de escenarios y hay que agregar siempre líneas a esas transiciones que realmente no interesan a nadie, pero que de lo contrario el texto quedaría mal montado. En fin… Es un mundo muy amplio, con mucha historia, tengo que lidiar con lo que necesito que los lectores sepan para entender los hechos, aunque a veces se haga un pelín peñazo.

Sam: Qué parte no… Quiénes, más bien e.e Zihel y Ariel son mi espinita. Especialmente Zihel. Sé que tiene que ver con el hecho de que nunca ha sido mi punto fuerte dibujar chicos, y menos si son de aspecto más masculino… Por eso también sufro mucho dibujando músculos. Otra cosa que me trae de cabeza es la perspectiva de las ilustraciones. Cada vez que intento salirme un poco del típico plano o poses… No sale bien. 

Illy: El tartamudeo de Doughy ¬.¬ 

Sher: sillas, sofás, mesas… cualquier cosa con cuatro patas son mis enemigos

¿Algo que te ayude o anime mientras estás trabajando?

Athe: Necesito música, no, en serio, LA NECESITO. Soy incapaz de concentrarme sin ella. Si ya consigo que lo que escucho haga de caja de resonancia de lo que escribo, el texto es mil veces mejor… Pero la musa es bastante mala gente.

Sam: Tener alguna serie/peli de fondo que me entretenga. Cuanto más larga mejor, así no me toca pararme a ver qué es lo que quiero poner después. 

Illy: Comer pipas para engañar a mi cerebro y no tener la tentación de ponerme a hacer otra cosa que me distraiga.

Sher: intento ver otros artistas para motivarme e inspirarme antes de empezar a dibujar, lo que más me cuesta es ese empujón inicial y es donde necesito la motivación, luego ya suelo tener algo de fondo pero no es necesario

¿Algo que te corte el rollo o te desmotive?

Athe: Los nudos narrativos. Generalmente, no son nudos gordos de la trama (eso está decidido casi en su totalidad), a menudo son decisiones pequeñas para pasar de la escena A a la escena B, pero puedo tirarme MUCHO tiempo decidiendo cuál es la forma más rápida y mejor planteada para atar esos dos cabos. Soy lo peor.

Sam: Muchas veces a la hora de empezar, no conseguir encajar las poses como quiero, por ejemplo. 

Illy: Encontrar muchas partes seguidas que me cueste especialmente resolver y que me hacen creer que no tengo ni idea de hablar inglés. Y mirar cuantas líneas me quedan todavía.

Sher: cuando no se como rellenar alguna zona, si veo algo muy vacío pero no se como solucionarlo puedo tirarme días mirando la pantalla sin ser capaz de avanzar, incluso aunque tenga otras zonas que pudiera ir haciendo mientras

¿Qué no puede faltar en tu mesa o superficie de trabajo?

Athe: Libretas, post-its, bolígrafos… Soy una persona que lo anota todo, sobre todo, las tareas, pero también ordeno la historia por esquemas de colores. La pila de post-its tienen 9 colores diferentes, cada uno representa un personaje y juego mucho con ellos para miles de idioteces. A parte, a pesar de que llevo muchos más años escribiendo a ordenador de los que escribí a mano, sigo teniendo querencia a lo físico.

Sam: Café, chucherías, chocolate, cereales… Y gatos. 

Illy: El móvil, las pipas, un vaso de 1L de agua de Capital America: Civil War, post-its que me recuerdan las tareas.

Sher: no tengo nada realmente lol todas mis cosas son de adorno 

¿Tus horas más productivas?

Athe: Búho. Nocturna totalmente. A pesar de que tengo varias crisis al mes para forzarme a trabajar a otras horas que acaban siempre… Mal.

Sam: También por la noche en su mayoría, aunque ya no aguanto trasnochando tanto como antes de trabajar (qué tiempos aquellos…) Aunque a media tarde cuando el zoo que tengo en casa aún está echando la siesta también consigo dar un buen empujón. 

Illy: Desde que acabo de comer hasta las 7 o las 8 de la tarde, cuando no tengo que cocinar, limpiar, hacer recados...

Sher: le tomo el testigo a Illy aparentemente, a partir de las 7 u 8 es cuando empiezo a entrar en el mood hasta que llega la hora de dormir

¿Las horas de trabajo hacen que te olvides de comer o te hacen comer el doble?

Athe: Depende, antes comía mucho, ahora, si tengo estrés no como nada. Si me encuentro en un rango productivo normal y no estoy de los nervios, probablemente, esté comiendo por inercia.

Sam: Me hacen comer más, pero sobretodo porquerías e.e Y hacen que me olvide de las comidas sanas, sobretodo de cenar por la noche. 

Illy: Depende de mi estado de ánimo, pero normalmente comer el doble.

Sher: en general soy una persona MUY distraída así que no suelo conseguir centrarme en una tarea para llegar a ninguno de esos dos modos pero supongo que cuando estoy muuuuuuy dentro de la tarea, me olvido. Pero eso pasa como un par de veces al año y “olvido” es “lo retraso una hora”.

¿Qué parte de tu set up mejorarías/cambiarías (en estética o funcionalidad) si no tuvieses límite de dinero?

Athe: Estoy tratando de que alguno de mis periféricos peguen con el resto. Todos son de un maldito color diferente, al parecer estoy maldita… Ahora en serio, desearía tener una mejor gráfica que me permitiese hacer videocapturas, unos altavoces y una impresora de calidad.

Sam: En realidad, no creo que necesitara nada más complejo de lo que ya tengo… Pero por mejorar, me llaman la atención las tabletas más profesionales, las grandes con la pantalla incluida y eso. 

Illy: Un portátil nuevo que me deje abrir 4 pestañas de chrome, el Atom y photoshop al mismo tiempo sin quedarse tieso.

Sher: Una pantalla de pc que no me cambiara los colores que uso en el ipad seria bonito la verdad 

¿A qué personaje te pareces más? ¿Y por qué?

Athe: Ufff Creo que la respuesta fácil sería decir Akane… Pero, Akane es mejor persona. :P

Sam: Esto es muy complicado… Son todos muy distintos, pero aún así no creo que me parezca mucho a ninguno. Por decir algo, me podría identificar con la tendencia a evitar problemas de Maske, y su lado más casero y tranquilo. Y bueno… Dado que Akane es OC mío de hace muchos años, seguramente tenga algo de ella también. 

Illy: Creo que en parte tengo el instinto de alejarme de las movidas de Maske, y por otro la superficialidad de Joe, aunque tbh ojalá parecerme realmente a nuestros bebés geniales.

Sher: sorprendida porque (unpopular opinión por aquí) es de los que “menos me importan” realmente pero diría que Pin porque es tontito, feliz y probablemente tenga una habitación satánica y orgulloso de ello

Tu CG/arte favorito.

Athe: DE MOMENTO. Maske capítulo 1. No podría ser más predecible. Lo sé.

Sam: Coincido bastante en la de Maske del capítulo 1. Pero también metería en el top la de Pin del capítulo 5 y la de Akane del capítulo 6.2. 

Illy: ¿¿Kyeran en el tanque de Coco?? ¿Es siquiera real? Ser básica es mi marca.

Sher: sorprendida de nuevo y decepcionada pero diría que la de Hasiel de ángel porque me gustan los vestidos bonitos, los pelos bonitos y las alas bonitas

Tu BG/escenario favorito.

Athe: Me flipa el Barrio Rojo. Me gusta la vida de ese sitio, su historia, pero la forma de plasmarlo… Uggg Sher lo llevó a otro nivel. La suciedad de la calle, la nocturnidad, los edificios constreñidos...

Sam: Creo que me quedo con el de la plaza de Raziel, me gusta mucho desde el primer día. 

Illy: No sé si puedo elegir solo uno T__T pero diría que el Barrio Rojo y el bar de Valefar están en el top.

Sher: por no repetir el barrio rojo que también me gusta mucho, me gustan mucho las zonas del laboratorio de Coco, incluida la zona “principal” aunque la perspectiva sea horrible y haga a los pj parecer diminutos, pero me gusto como quedo :( 

¿Tu capítulo favorito hasta las fecha?

Athe: Ufff… El uno y el dos os aseguro que no, jajaja. Diré que el tres, pero también por cosas que no son necesariamente del capítulo, sino de la producción. Fue un buen momento. Sentí que todo estaba fluyendo con facilidad. Todas asumimos un rol claro, unos tiempos que nos hacían sentir cómodas y capaces de asumir lo que venía después, creo que fue un salto cualitativo también, tanto en los textos, como en el arte.

Sam: Ay. Pues a ver… El capítulo 5 es una pasada para mi, por todo lo que pasa pero también porque hay muchas interacciones personalizadas y elecciones. No puedo decir que tenga un favorito definitivo, pero podría acercarse… También me gusta mucho de los últimos el 6.2. 

Illy: El capítulo 5 tiene tantos detalles, pasan tantas cosas, que es difícil que no sea mi favorito, pero los ultimos de rutas específicas son tan geniales que si me quedo con el 5 es con un poco de dolor de tener que elegir uno.

Sher: Diría el 5 también porque al final cuando pasan muchas cosas es cuando mas se te queda grabado

Twitter​ | Instagram​ | Itch

[artboitrash]

His Bloody Rose (Stefano Valentini fanfiction) Chapter 19 - Four Letters, Three words

I walked through the gallery, allowing one foot to be placed in front of the other.

"How? How can you not remember me?!" the man cried out once I answered.

"I... I don't know, I just..."

"After everything, dio mio, you have to go and lose yourself?!"

I looked at some pictures hanging in the hallway I turned down. They were unexpected, for a gallery, but they were something to look at and think about at least.

"Maybe calm down, just... Start from the beginning..."

"There isn't a beginning to start from!"

I raised a hand, but he grabbed it before I could gesture for him to settle down. He made an angry grumble, releasing my hand and stepping back. He stormed off into the darkness, leaving me alone again.

I ran my fingers along the wallpaper as I explored. It was painful, almost every step leading me to feel pain shooting through my side. But it was at least better, at least to me, than laying on a couch with a giant spotlight trained on me.

That man eventually approached me a few minutes later, sitting down on the couch next to me. He sat down a glass of red wine and a small plate of food.

"Eat, bella. You must regain your strength."

I was hesitant, and ignored the gnawing feeling of hunger. He watched me with baited breath, a calmed look across his face.

Eventually he sighed, then picked up the wine and tipped some into his mouth. Once he swallowed without hesitation, he picked up small samplings of food and ate some as well. He chewed, swallowed, and turned the fork towards me.

"I am not hungry tonight, as I have too much work to do." He waved a finger slightly, and brushed his fingers through his bangs. "But I hope that will prove to you that I do not intend to harm you."

I slid my fingers across a gilded frame. A picture titled "Bouquet" sat before me. A small golden plaque beneath it, hammered into the wall as though the picture was meant to sit there forever. I wondered if the piece had been manipulated in Photoshop, or if they were somehow real.

I heard a click behind me, making me turn around. There was nothing there, making me swallow and wonder if it was possible for any ghosts to be in Union. That is, if I was still in Union.

I glanced over the blue dress, reddened by blood and rose petals cascading down. I looked as a gust of wind seem to carry them in motion away from the woman's body. I saw the scissors in her hand, a mask, or what could be her face, in another. She leaned elegantly against a table, silent elegance in portrayal in her existence.

I sighed, thinking to myself. These were all pricking at the back of my mind, but I couldn't reach them in the darkness. I had seen some of these pictures before, but where or when continually escaped me.

I turned and continued down the hallway. I kept exploring the empty, darkened building, hoping to find some shred as to who that man was. I tried to find the answers as to why he, these pictures, and my own life kept escaping me.

-Stefano's P.O.V.-

"Son of a bitch!" I shouted aloud.

I threw my enlarger across the room, anger taking hold of me.

"How?!"

I tore down a clothes line that held drying pictures, scattering still developing photos and used gloves.

"How?!"

I picked up a blurry image of one of the men that had come to Union. I tore it in half and threw it into the sink.

"How can she not remember me?!"

I stood in the silence of my dark room, extending it further and making it turn into a hallway. I had been granted the most wonderful gift, finding I was able to shape this world as I pleased. I had everything I could have possibly asked for.

I sank to my knees. I buried my face in my hands, screaming incoherently. I jumped between English and Italian with reckless abandon, just wanting whatever was listening to know how much agony I was in.

Was this some sort of twisted fate? My price for the ability to create my work?

Her memories for unlimited materials.

Was this his doing? That man...

No, he was even less than that. If he was behind this, I would slice him into pieces where he stood the next time he faced me.

He promised me everything I could ever want, for that girl. The little girl in pink pajamas and a short black bob of hair. He called her "the core," and she was apparently far too important to allow to wander the streets.

I grumbled to myself, turning to a counter as I stood. "(My dear beauty... Please, I would do anything for you, and you knew it. Did you forget me because you came her, to this town? Or did they manipulate you, like they tried to do to me?)"

I knew my pride was to strong to admit it aloud, but I had forgotten who I was. I forgot my work, what inspired me most. I forgot my life when I came to this town, and I couldn't remember the one person who had stolen my affections.

She was living in Union with me, and I didn't even notice.

I slid my hand over one of my pieces. The proof of her as my art sitting next to the piece of the man in the chair. Ryan Turner, I believe. It was cathartic to kill someone who had the same name as the man who hurt her. I still need to make a nameplate for this work, but for now I could be satisfied.

I quietly inhaled. Counting to ten, slowly exhaling to calm myself. I smiled down at her picture. She was here, at least. The night I had been taken, I had simply taken her home and asked her to be my date for the next time my gallery showed. Once she was safely home, I decided to go to a Mu Center, or whatever they were called. I didn't want my correspondence with them to go any further.

"Stefano..."

I jerked my head to where I heard her. There was nothing there, almost as usual.

"A-ah..."

I closed my eye, pushing my hands into my head.

"N-no, no not again..."

"Ah, p-please..."

"Stop it, stop... You're not real..."

"I love you! Ah, I... I love you!!"

The sound she made as her orgasm crashed over her body took over my head. Our first night together, haunting me. Soon would come my second night with her, in the gallery. Then would be her shrieking. The sound of her trying to scream when almost no one could hear. The time I wasn't there to help her. The time I doubted her, the time I thought she had instantly went to someone else. I had abandoned her that night, and the terror in her eyes has been following me like a demon in the night.

"I... I love you..."

The ache I've been plagued with. The yearning for her touch. The want for her voice.

I backed away from her photo.

I love you.

"Stefano..."

I love you!

I covered my face, seething in anger.

"I... I l-love you, Stefano..."

I slammed my fist on the counter. I could almost hear the shattering

"Bella...!" I shouted.

I fell to the ground, holding onto the counter as my knees hit the tile. I held my hand over my mouth, feeling a burn in my heart. I tried to keep from hyperventilating.

It wasn't so gentle, so soft. Not anymore. It burned in pain, cracking my heart open and making it burst again and again and again.

"(My muse,)" I muttered in my native tongue. "(My dear, my beauty, my one...)"

"Stefano--!"

"I know, my dear, I know."

I slid my hand from my mouth. I pressed it over my chest. I could feel my heartbeat through the skin, beating its way out of my chest.

A few days ago, I had brought her to my gallery. I lay her along a couch and placed a curtain over her. I couldn't keep from posing her briefly, so excited my muse has returned for me. I took several pictures of her beaten and bloodied body as she slept.

It angered me that someone has hurt her, but I felt turmoil as she looked so... Beautiful.

Someone had gone over my work. I laughed at the time; it felt like "L. H. O. O. Q." in a way, someone adding a new part to my art and throwing her back into the world. Oh, my poor muse stumbling through that door so bloodied and frightened. Oh, how lovely that she was so frightened she couldn't recognized me...

But now I know so much better. I didn't want to know better.

I wanted my Rose.

The woman who cracked open the cavity in my chest and created the most wonderful art through me. The woman who would force me to make art from myself if I wished to see it. I wanted the Rose who kissed me, and made me question myself. I wanted the woman who made me hurt when I wasn't with her.

I wanted the Rose that trusted me. The Rose that called me in the night to tell me her nightmare, the Rose that held me when someone fired a gun and shot off fireworks.

We had already been through so much when they took me. We had been staying at each others house every other day, and she had stayed with me for so many days before I had gone.

I walked away from my red room, slipping a piece of paper out of my pocket. I slid out the black letter from the envelope. I sneered at it, having received the duplicate letter that ensnared me in this town after the world began to fall apart and I discovered my gift.

I remembered leaving her home, and going back to mine to get everything I needed. I decided to get some work around my house done now that I could relax since my gallery had been unveiled. After I had changed my sheets, I found that letter again. I read over the letter and decided I should head to one of those centers to tell them I wasn't interested. That was the only way I could opt out of that service, since they had such strange exiting details.

When I entered the Mu Center I had found, I walked to the receptionist and gave my full name. After I began discussing leaving the letters program, or whatever it was I was involved with.

And after that I couldn't remember a thing.

I woke in a place I somehow recognized. It was like a dream, a studio house with two floors. I could remember almost immediately weeks of moving into a new home. I had boxes of belongings to put away, and a welcome letter waiting on the table.

I couldn't remember what had changed my mind. I couldn't remember what made me decide to move to a new town. I couldn't remember more than being excited on moving into a new town.

I couldn't remember my Rose.

I grabbed my white pen out of my pocket. I growled quietly to myself in my anger, and threw the letter on a side table. I defiled the letter in my anger, scrawling violently across the paper. "LIES! ALL LIES!"

They lied to me about opting out of that ludicrous program. He lied that I would get everything I wanted. He lied about what he would give, about his religious front. He lied about even caring about what I wrote about in my letters.

He only gave a damn when he realized I was useful. He tried to sing me praise, false interest and fake encouragement.

I slammed the letter on the side table in the hallway. I walked away, my will slamming the metal bars down to lock it away forever. No one would see their words again, no one would be fooled with false promises and fake gods.

I walked away, feeling a little better now that I've ruined some of his "perfection." His perfection is useless and he was only a simpleton. I laughed quietly. I will speak to him, I will confront him. I will force him to give me back my muse's memories. I will force him to let go of her.

If he wanted to barter, so be it. I will get what I truly want, and I will not allow her to slip away from me again.

[sassycassie-s-series]

All My Fault 9

By: SassyShoulderAngel319

Fandom/Character(s): DC, BatFam - Damian Wayne/Batman

Rating: PG-11 (minor sparring---nothing too violent)

Notes: (Masterlist) Tim’s the genius of the family for a reason...

Tag List (Open): @batboys-and-other-messes @nanna-the-batmum @probsjosh @welovegroot

Ch 1, Ch 2, Ch 3, Ch 4, Ch 5, Ch 6, Ch 7, Ch 8

^^^^^

The rest of the family—except Cass who was still out of town—found me and Damian in the parlor hours later, still going over dresses with Damian’s arm still around my shoulders. We’d narrowed down the designs to my top five and were going through color options, Damian coloring in the line-art of his designs with his tablet.

“—can’t wear a white dress!” I was saying when Bruce and Tim stuck their heads in. “It’s a gala, not my wedding! What happens if someone spills red wine on me? Plus white’s just… no. I can do cream or gray or silver but not white. Not for something like this.”

“Hey guys,” Tim greeted.

“Oh hey! How was the meeting?” I asked.

“Boring. So… Is something… going on?”

“Hmm? No. We’re just going over design and color options for my outfit for the charity ball.”

“Oh. Huh. That’s not what I meant. What’s with the arm?”

“She couldn’t see as well with my arm in the way, so I got it out of the way,” Damian said distractedly, not looking up from where he was coloring in a ballgown with a gray shade that he added some sparkle brush to, scribbling, “silver” off to the side in the same color.

“Oh. Okay. Right,” Tim said, ducking out of the room.

“Afternoon,” Bruce said before also ducking out and shutting the door behind him. Damian and I glanced at each other with lowered eyebrows. I shrugged and went back to looking at his tablet.

“Okay, I like this one, but I don’t really think a ballgown should be silver, you know? Like, wearing silver would make me look like… Cinderella or something,” I said as though Tim and Bruce hadn’t interrupted.

^^^^^

Tim pointed through the door where Damian and Cloudy were still talking. “We gonna talk about something going on between them?” he asked quietly.

Bruce turned his head to look at the door, listened to his ward say something about Cinderella to his son, and then turned to look back at his third-eldest son. He paused for a moment, putting his thoughts into words. “Nothing to talk about,” he said. “Nora wasn’t blushing at any point. She can’t lie very well. If there was something about their relationship that they were hiding from us, she’d blush when she tried to hide it.”

Tim glanced between his adoptive dad and the doorway where his little brother and now-younger sister-figure were talking about colors on evening gowns the same way most people talked about the weather.

He shrugged. “Okay. I just didn’t know if the arm-around-the-shoulder thing had any extra implications,” he remarked before strolling off for his room to change out of his suit.

Bruce went down to the Batcave.

^^^^^

“—absolutely certain? We can have all five of them made and then you can wear them to other events,” Damian said.

“And overwork some poor seamstresses before a rather short deadline? I don’t think so,” I said. “I'm fine just having one made. And I think I want them to make this one.” I tapped the one I liked the best on his screen—making the cursor flare and then vanish. “Although…” I pinched the corner of Damian’s tablet and tugged it. “May I?” I asked.

“What are you doing?”

“Color change,” I said. Damian passed me the tablet without resistance. “Thanks,” I added. I dug through the tablet, dropped something into his Photoshop, used the eye-dropper to select a color, deleted the thing I’d added, and colored in the dress. I passed the tablet back to Damian and leaned against his side again so I could still see. “Better?”

He scrunched his eyebrows. “Wwwhy did you choose that color?” he wondered.

I shrugged. “I have my reasons,” I said. “Okay. I’ve been sitting down way too long.” I patted his chest and pushed myself to my feet. “I'm gonna go box or bench or something. Wanna join?”

Damian shrugged. “Sure. Let me go change. Now that Drake’s back maybe he’ll let us spar against him and get used to the new inverted height difference.”

I smirked. “That’d be fun.” I swung around the doorframe to the parlor on one arm and went jogging for my room to put on my workout clothes.

The reason I colored the dress the one I chose? The reason I didn’t tell him?

It was the same color as his eyes.

Figured if I didn’t want to match his black tie, I might as well match his eyes.

Plus, even though my eyes were brown, when a bright light shone into them, a greenish ring around the outside edge could be seen. Wearing green sometimes made that ring easier to see.

I changed fast, pulled my hair back into a tight ponytail, and went off for the Batcave, stopping on the way at Tim’s room. “Hey Timbo,” I greeted, poking my head in.

“Hi Cloudy. What’s up?” he replied distractedly.

“Wanna come spar with me and Damian? Work off some of that meeting-boredom energy?”

“That sounds suspiciously like you have an ulterior motive,” Tim joked, spinning around in his desk chair to look at me, arms folding over his chest and raising one of his eyebrows. I sighed dramatically and leaned against his doorframe.

“Okay, you caught me,” I relented sarcastically. Tim smirked at my theatrics. “Damian and I want to get used to fighting with the inverted height difference. Last time we were really in the field together, not counting this past patrol, he was more than half-a-foot shorter than me. Now he’s just over a foot taller than me. Wanna be our opponent?”

Tim thought for a moment. “There was a time I would immediately jump at any chance I could get to beat up that brat,” he remarked. “But now… sure why not? I could blow off some steam.”

I smiled. “Thanks bro,” I said. “Meet you downstairs.”

“See you in a minute.” Tim got off his desk chair as I pulled his door shut so he could change.

I headed downstairs to the cave.

“Ready for this?” Damian asked as he picked up a wooden sword. He had on a thin black tank top and athletic shorts. It looked very attractive on him. Really accented his powerful build. I blinked and shook the thoughts out of my head. Not the time. I cracked my knuckles and stretched.

“Ready as I’ll ever be. It’s been a while since I sparred against Tim,” I said.

“What’s going on?” Bruce asked, looming out of the shadows.

“Oh we’re going to spar against Tim,” I answered.

“Two against one? That doesn’t seem fair,” Bruce said.

“We’ll go a little easy, B,” I said. “We’re mostly just doing it to get used to fighting with our new height difference. I'm used to Damian being shorter than me.”

“I see. Perhaps I should join,” he said.

Damian and I exchanged a glance. “Well we were going to ask Jay when he got back…” I began.

“Father,” Damian also began.

“Don’t you two start telling me I'm too old, now,” Bruce warned, almost jokingly. It was weirder when he used lighter tones than when Damian did. “I already get it enough from Jason and Dick.”

I scoffed. “Pfft! C’mon, B. You know Jason does it in jest,” I said. Bruce cocked an eyebrow. “Okay, okay. You can be on Tim’s team. But if you need to tap out…” I just shrugged. “We won’t blame you.”

“I'm not that old, Nora,” Bruce admonished.

“Well if you think you can handle it I'm not going to tell you otherwise,” I replied, clapping his shoulder and crossing over to the training mat where Damian was swinging his fake sword around, preparing to fight against Tim’s staff.

Tim came running down the stairs moments later. “I'm here!” he exclaimed breathlessly. He wore a T-shirt and athletic shorts, spinning his staff around in a quick warmup. He and I stretched so we wouldn’t tear anything—Damian had already stretched while I’d been changing and doing my hair, apparently. Bruce started to stretch too. “No way! Are you gonna be on my team?” Tim asked him.

“I always am,” Bruce said.

Damian liked his sword, even if Bruce rarely let him use it, Dick had his escrima sticks, Jason his guns and knives, and Tim his staff. I didn’t usually use many weapons. Not even batarangs. Tim had taught me a little staff and Dick a little bit with escrima sticks, but I still usually just used my own two hands as much as I could.

This was going to be interesting.

Damian and I faced off against Tim and Bruce on the training mat. Tim spun his staff around his hands and twirled it around his back. Damian spun his sword to loosen his wrist. “Ready kids?” Bruce asked.

“If you think you can handle it,” I replied, trash-talking with a smile.

“Oh it’s on,” Tim replied playfully. I laughed and cracked my neck.

Tim attacked first.

Damian caught Tim’s staff on his wooden sword while I ducked under a haymaker of Bruce’s, spinning around on the ground to knock one foot out from under him.

Unfortunately, Damian was standing too close with a stance too wide that I wasn’t used to and I caught his ankle too.

He fell on top of me—knocking the wind out of me. He leapt off of me almost immediately and shot to his feet, launching himself at Tim. They fought staff-on-sword, leaving me to deal with the original Batman on my own. Which, even with him being nearly a decade older than the last time I sparred against him, was really hard. I got a few good licks in but mostly took more hits than I dealt.

Until I cried out as a bruise from patrol the night before got hit.

Damian’s hand wrapped around my shoulder and forced me behind him with enough force that he nearly shoved me to the ground had I not been light on my feet and used to the motion—from Jason and Dick. It was a move we used to practice when we wanted to trade opponents.

I caught Tim’s staff in my hands as he swung it toward Damian and yanked, throwing him off balance. He recovered fast, though, and jabbed me in the gut with the end of his staff. “Oof!” I grunted, wheezing and retaliating by getting in close enough to jab him in the solar plexus with my elbow—and leaving myself vulnerable to another attack.

Which swiftly came in the form of a staff across the back. I stumbled away from Tim, coughing and trying to get my breath back.

Damian managed to fend off both Tim and Bruce at the same time for a good fifteen seconds before I reentered the sparring match.

It was easier than I thought, adjusting to his height. I hadn’t fought side-by-side with Bruce much when he was Batman and he was the closest to Damian’s height, but I had fought near Dick and Jason a lot. What was an extra three inches when you’re ducking under an attack from an opponent for your partner behind you to parry it? Adjusting to his weapon use was harder. Jason would sometimes just shoot someone when I ducked out of the way—nonlethal shots, usually, but a bullet was smaller and faster than a wooden sword.

Bruce tapped out first. “Not because he was tired,” though. He said he had “important business” to attend to. Damian, Tim, and I all exchanged a glance as Bruce left the training mat. Tim swung his staff.

Damian caught the end of the staff with one hand before it could strike my shoulder.

Damian and I went a little easy on Tim when he was alone. Not too easy though. Tim was vicious when he needed to be. If we went too easy he’d beat the snot out of both of us. But Damian and I were both also good fighters. If we both gave 100% we could seriously injure him. So we didn’t.

Technically we weren’t training. Just adjusting what we already knew. So we went only a little easy. Easy enough that we wouldn’t hurt Tim much while it was 2-on-1, but giving it enough effort that we didn’t get the snot beat out of us.

That didn’t mean I didn’t get several good whacks from his staff through. Because I did. I’d definitely end up with bruises.

I was the next to tap out. “Okay boys,” I said, panting, sweating, sore, and really tired. “I'm done. I'm gonna go shower.” I gave them a weak thumbs-up and stumbled up the stairs and out of the cave.

Next

[deeeelightfuldee]

The person you had the strongest feelings for dies, do you care? I would be devastated. Even if we are no longer talking, it would destroy me to know they aren’t on this earth anymore.

Is there something you’re happy about at the moment? not really no. well, I mean I’m happy with a conversation thats happening.

Do you want someone dead? absolutely not

Do you ever wonder what your ex is up to? if it’s kile we are referring to, yeah. I’m getting a lot better putting it out of my mind. my other exes heckin no except for the other one I loved.

Have you ever fed or taken care of a stray animal? absolutely. we have adopted some from that method ahah

What is something you tend to worry about? people I care about. Like I worry that they’re safe, mentally OK, healthy, etc.

What is something you do that is unhealthy? hold on too long.

What is something you do that is good for you? I talk well about myself usually and I look for positives

What last caused you to force a smile? something in a video i thought was funny

What was the last video game you played? Was it fun? animal crossing. my controllers are SUPER whacked so it wasn’t too fun. I miss playing my games but I can’t afford new controllers yet

What is something not many people know about you? my assaults/history probably. I’m a very private person over all so i think most things people know about me are things they can see.

What word describes your basic style? classic

Have you ever been told you were going to Hell? oh a customer once told me that because they wanted a special ordered crib that day and it was a 12 week wait. so obvs a legit reason -.-

Have you ever wanted to kill yourself? .

If yes, what convinced you not to go through with it? ..

Have you ever rejected a guy, only to have him push the issue by asking “why?” and insisting that you just need to get to know him better? yessssss

Is there something that you believe everyone should do and you can’t believe that some people don’t do it (e.g., recycle or go to the dentist regularly)? brushing teeth or CHANGING THEIR SHEETS

Regarding the last good choice (healthy choice, kind choice, selfless choice, etc.) you made, what was your real motivation behind it? I made a choice to let go of a love that was destroying me. the motivation was like okay, i’m seeing he doesn’t love me, hes not going to love me. I’m spending my time, energy, and attentions to love him and I could be missing out on someone who loves me back.

What is something that you have had to practice at to get the hang of it? If you can’t think of anything, that’s okay, what’s something you are currently practicing at and trying to master? sewing

Have you ever gone to the store to buy something, like a video game, when it came out at midnight? never for me but I’ve gone with friends who were getting them -.- ridiculous

Regarding the last novel you read, was there a romance included? If so, was it central to the plot? yesssssssssssssssssssssssss and yes

Have you ever done relaxation meditations or listened to relaxation guides or positive-thinking/healing recordings? I’ve done that for school but not on my own personally

Do you have any interests that are also often shared by children? art, animated shows/movies, games

Is there something that could be a solitary activity but you really only like to do it with other people (e.g., watching movies, playing video games, etc.)? hmm, not really. I like going to tjmaxx & target better if I’m with someone.

Are you satisfied with the interior design or decoration in your home? Or do you think it needs a total home makeover? for the most part. because its not my money that pays the rent I def don’t get weird about it. but I like most ofit

Is there something that you’d like to own but you can’t find it anywhere? If not, can you a remember a time when you wanted something? Did you ever end up finding it or did you eventually stop wanting it? yes. I really want a particular type of coat but its hard to find.

Who makes you smile the most? hm. ummm... kile made me smile today he was bein a bit crass. it reminded me of how happy he used to make me. he used to be the one BY far that made me smile. these days its fairly even across the board.

What piercings do you want/have? I’d love to have my cartilage pierced again but it always gets infected because of my blood so i’m fine with what I have

What's your favorite website? probs tumblr.

Do you own a fish tank with fish? currently no

Do you like the movie 300? neverseen it.

Do you pop your knuckles? yup all the time

Do you have Photoshop? no its expensive

Do you use tinypic or photobucket? no

What’s your favourite song from the 1980s? if I had the effort I wouldlove to genuinely figure it out but I only have a quarter-butt effort rn

How about the 1990s? ^

Have you won anything recently? nerp. 

How often do you make Excel tables? What for? pretty much never.

What was the last baby animal you saw in the wild? probably a bunny

Are you always available or online? I’m usually available

Do you have dietary restrictions? Or do you just eat what you like? gluten sensitivity and dairy sensitivity

Do you prefer gold, silver or steel jewelry? Or no jewelry at all? I always loved silver because I think it’s so attractive but it turns out gold is VERY nice with my skin tone and since I have had to replace all my fine jewelry from kile with cheap stuff i can afford, i buy pretty much all gold.

Have you been binge-watching any shows lately? If so, what? I was on a gilmore girls kick but right now im watching bobs burgers.

If you dye your hair, do you do it yourself or go to a salon? i loved when I used to get it done professionally but its literally several hundred dollars and I just don’t have that. 

If you have any, do you like your in-laws? I don’t have any. < Same.

Would it bother you, if your partner had cut contact with their parents? yes and no. It would be hypocritical if I said omg yes, you should always be in contact with your parents --- because obviously I never ever ever talk to my dad. But for a lot of people I know.. they put so much blame on their parents for things that are fairly unjustified or unrealistic expectations for their parents to not be human-like and remain perfect. It destroys me because I have spent years crying and aching for a father figure in my life that to think some people just create unnecessary division is frustrating. However, if there is serious conflict and its a matter of safety (physical/mental) then absolutely no problem with boundaries.

Have you ever wondered whether you were adopted? hahahaha yes when I look like neither of my parents nor my siblings.

What’s the best physical feeling in the entire universe? honestly, loving and being loved.

Have you ever grown a berry bush? No

Have you done something new to your hair recently? I chopped about 15 inches off. 

Do you have bad anxiety? If so, do you take any kind of medication for it? no. anxiety really has never been a problem for me, thankfully.

One thing you’ve experienced that you thought you never would have? rape

What was the last thing someone said to you that kept repeating over & over in your head? i replay conversations from my split with kile despite my desire to forget it. 

How often do you have late nights out? pretty much never lol its just not my scene. I’d kind of like one or two a month but I don’t know anyone that would go out with me and it can be unsafe as a female to do so alone.

If you could, would you work from home? Do you think that would make you more or less productive? yes. I’m oriented to pretty strict self-discipline so it wouldn’t be a problem for me.

If you had the ability to change the weather, what would you change it to right now? either a really strong thunderstorm or cooooooooold weather

Is there something that you really need to do, but can’t seem to get motivated to do it? my motivation is completely there but my health is not

Most disturbing movie you have ever seen? i never remember names of them because i legit tune it out in my head.

Has a life goal or dream ever come true for you yet? If yes, what is it? If no, do you think you’ll achieve it? I always dreamt of going to college and doing well. I accomplished that (and then some!) I got into my dream colleges. I always wanted to travel by myself and I did. I always wanted to be in love and I was.

Have you ever had food poisoning? Yup.

What are you listening to? the freakin’ funniest song ever in bobs burgers -- the derek dematopolus song 

Do you think there will be a WWIII? I would not be surprised. there is a lot of animosity in this world

Has anyone ever asked you if you were emo? lol no. i’m a super smiley, happy person so it wouldn’t be expected of me.

Has someone ever liked you that you never thought would? definitely. Michael always throws me off my guard that he likes me. 

In all honesty, can a person be too nice? people always say yes that they get taken advantage of but I think those are two separate things. I believe you can be endlessly nice even with boundaries. I wish people aired on the side of overly nice than the typical overly rude

Has one of your friend’s boyfriends ever tried to cheat on them with you? in HS Is mental abuse really as bad as physical abuse? absolutely. the effects are devastating

Do you shop at Sephora for make-up? once in a blue moon. but only online

Zelda: Twilight Princess or Ocarina of Time? i never really played either

Do you own a rosary? no,I’m not catholic

[libretayatra]

Blog Post: On Fan Fiction and Other Storytelling Traditions

When I was twelve or thirteen years old, and even our family finally had DSL internet, I discovered the joys of fan fiction. In case you haven’t been living under the same rock as I have, allow me to explain. “Fan fiction” refers to stories written by enthusiasts of a particular book, TV show, or other creative work. While most “fics” – as my friends and I would call them – take place within the particular universe of the original story, others take known characters and put them in an entirely new setting. (That’s how 50 Shades of Grey was born.) There’s also fan fiction that doesn’t deliberately draw on any work but revolves around real, famous people in imagined situations. (See Graham Norton and Daniel Radcliffe discuss this type on the former’s show.)

The stories that interested me ranged from shorter “one shots” to multi-chapter epics, but most were placed in the Harry Potter universe and nearly all were tales of romance – if you could call it that.

The pairings I read about (and often ‘shipped’ – a verb that comes from the ‘ship’ in ‘relationship’ and means “hoped would bang”) – whether true to canon (i.e. the original books), such as Lily and James Potter, or wildly inventive, such as Hermione and a Tom Riddle to whom she has traveled back in time – usually engaged in the kind of love/hate banter that sends real couples to therapy. The pair would glare at and insult each other (often employing strangely American turns of phrase for a pair of ostensible Brits), their apparent mutual disgust hiding a deeper attraction. For my friends and I, it was riveting stuff.

While I was mainly a Lily/James shipper myself, you can’t talk about Harry Potter fan fiction and not mention Dramione. The fan-invented romance between Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger was a tale of forbidden passion, a defiance of Hogwarts housing norms and the mandates of Potter canon itself. Draco did need to be less of a whiny loser to be a deserving match for Hermione, but this could be arranged without too much trouble. In the fan fiction world, Draco was dark and brooding, and he didn’t bring his dad up in conversation quite as often as in the books. Hermione was clever and empathetic, and although she was rarely depicted with less than Yule Ball-level beauty, her looks were not her main characteristic.

Sometimes fan fiction Draco and Hermione fell for each other while at Hogwarts. In other fics, they met again under changed circumstances years after the fall of Voldemort. Then there were the AU fics in which a brilliant young paralegal named Hermione Granger begins work at the firm where successful lawyer Draco Malfoy practices. You get the idea.

Photoshop creations starring Tom Felton and Emma Watson (no credit belongs to me). The purple one in particular has stayed in my memory for years, and brings on a familiar feeling of excitement at all the great content to peruse in the world. It was the banner for a website that allowed fans to nominate and vote for their favorite Dramione fics.

A particularly sexy iteration of the Draco/Hermione story was called Water by kissherdraco. In it, Draco and Hermione are Head Boy and Girl at Hogwarts. Of course, this means that they must live sequestered in their own dormitory, with its own entrance, common room and adjoining bathroom that ensure they see each other in a state of partial undress when the story demands it.

Water was held by many to be the pinnacle of the genre. It had lust and angst in equal measure, executed with a liberal dose of swear words and aggression. Moreover, Water took the common flaws of the Dramione world’s characters and actually explored them, allowing character to drive plot. In the story, Draco is brooding and cruel as ever, but these traits are linked to vicious abuse at the hands of Lucius. This backstory is not seen as an excuse for Draco’s behavior and he is forced to grow and change as the story progresses (although not quite enough, tbh).

I never finished the story, perhaps because my young brain was alarmed by all the hate-sex, but I revisited it with curiosity for this piece. Here is a relatively benign excerpt from the text, although please skip if you’d rather avoid themes of physical dominance:

“You’re crying,” growled Draco, leaning in and flicking his tongue onto her cheek. He tasted salt.

She struggled then, and he brought his hands to her shoulders to hold her still. “Don’t, Granger,” he warned. “I fucking need this. I can’t fucking…” He trailed off.

He never would have noticed before. Not like he did now, at least. Her lips were wet. They were red and moist and magnificently ripened for him. So full of blood. Hot, heated, sullied blood. He couldn’t take his eyes off them.

Other fics situated romance within a larger plot about the politics of the wizarding world. Prelude to Destiny by AnotherDreamer took place in the Marauder era (i.e. the time of Harry’s parents) and focused on the coming-of-age of Lily Evans and her role in the battle against evil. It begins, “Two cultures and a thousand miles from you, there is a castle on a hill…”

Another fave began life under the title Ancient and Most Noble and is now called Druella Black’s Guide to Womanhood. It is about the diverging lives of the three Black sisters — Bellatrix, Andromeda, and Narcissa — in the early years of Voldemort’s power. The sisters confront the crumbling of the their easy closeness as they make different choices in a changing world.

”It’ll be a laugh, you’ll see,” Bellatrix whispered into her ear, her breath sweet and thick from wine. They were curled in the cool grass, tangled in the layers upon layers of lace and satin that were their dress robes; it had taken them an hour to get them on right and just ten minutes to unsettle them. Andromeda’s head was spinning: from the liquor, from the heat, from far too much dancing. “It’ll all be just like this,” Bella was murmuring, her lips brushing against her ear. Stars whirled by overhead, maybe close enough to touch. Close enough to try.

“Always just like this.”

—

Andromeda swore as she stepped off the train. From inside the nicely cool travel car, summer had looked so charming, green and bright and gloriously school-free…

I was most interested in these fics, the ones that revolved around the generations before Harry’s. There was something compelling about the knowledge of forthcoming tragedy for many of the characters…Plucked away from the happy ending of the books, these fics became an exploration of why life is meaningful even in its flawed and finite scope.

I look back on my fan fiction experiences as belonging to a beautiful time when the internet was less like Janet from The Good Place* (if Janet were selling everything she knew about us to profit-hungry corporations and belligerent, militarized governments), and more like a library you went to when you felt like checking out a book. Nobody knew what I ate and where I went every minute of the day, because I didn’t put that stuff online, nor did I (to my knowledge) carry a tracking device with me when I went downstairs to play with my friends. At 5 pm, our moms would have to call each friend’s landline to reach us and remind us to stop home for our daily glass of milk or what-have-you.

*Janet is a humanoid presence in the afterlife who holds all knowledge in the universe and can create objects out of the void.

Fan fiction was a commerce-free creative space – devoid of ad revenue and the quick accumulation of likes. Since there was neither money nor social capital to be gained, everyone who participated did so out of pure interest. One did have the hope of raking in reviews from other community members, but these were about more than validation; reviews allowed people to have conversations about a shared passion and often included constructive criticism along with praise. There was little need for bitterness – if a fic was well-written, everybody won, since it meant they got to read it.

Below are some examples from the reviews section of Prelude to Destiny. It’s certainly no Twitter.

Written by rach on chapter #13. (March 28th 2009, 5am) Hey,

So I’ve read your whole story before, and now I’m reading it again, because I saw it spotlighted on the site. And this chapter is amazing. I love the end…I’ve never (well, before I read this the first time) compared Lily to Mrs Crouch. But it’s so true. They both gave their lives for their sons and…this chapter is phenomenal. Just thought I’d let you know

Rach

Written by Smith on chapter #26. (April 29th 2008, 11am)

…If I am to find any fault in the story, then I should say that Remus was rather dull. Not that it was completely out of character, but I imagine him being funnier and also good Lily’s friend. Their friendship is mentioned by Lupin in the third film and, I should think, in the book as well, though I don’t have a copy right now and thus can’t provide a quote. Pity, that. [Given my extensive knowledge of canon, I can tell you that the reviewer is mistaken on this last point.]

Thank you very much for writing this story. Reading it was an enjoyable experience that I might repeat in the future. You’re brilliant, to put it short.

Author Response: Thanks for the review!Yeah, Remus was a bit dull. Actually, I didn’t intend for Lily to be friends with any of the marauders besides James. I just wanted them out of the way. But I know what you mean. After Sirius entered the story, Remus was even duller in comparison. Plus, I wanted to make Peter seem like he fit in, and Remus just fell by the wayside, you know?I’m enjoying writing Gertrude again after taking over a story from my friend who used my characters. Anyway, thanks again!Miranda

For me, too, fandom was a more than a casual hobby. Since I was only allowed an hour of internet use a day, I would spend the time copying and pasting chapter after chapter of fan fiction onto Microsoft Word, allowing me to read all I wanted later. (As you might imagine, Water was not stored on the family computer.) I remember scouring for new fics on fanfiction.net and clicking through page after page of fan art on deviantart.com (both of which retain their early-2000s layouts, unlike Mugglenet or JK Rowling’s official site), very differently from how I scroll through Instagram today. I admired works of fandom the way one appreciates springtime’s first flower, or the décor of a friend’s bedroom – I admired the stamp of individuality they bore and that inspired me to create something myself, to express my joys and sorrows, to be a part of the world.

RIP old websites

When I did put Harry Potter-inspired art out there, somewhere around age fourteen, it was of course in the form of fan fiction, writing being my weapon of choice. I wrote two one-shot pieces, one funny and the other sad — or such were my intentions, though perhaps the results were inverted. While some friends wrote longer stories, I never felt talented or inspired enough to commit, which is a typical self-doubting move of the kind I am trying to leave behind. (I now plan to write no matter how untalented and uninspired I may be.)

One piece was about a character of my own invention, a Slytherin guy with the requisite pure-blood, Dark magic-loving family, and a perky, ponytailed Huffelpuff girl on whom he develops an obsessive crush. It was intended to be a BBC-inspired mockery of the character, taking all the gloomy sexiness of the Dramione universe and making it ridiculous. It was also a thorough exploration of really wanting to make out with somebody sitting in the same classroom as you, not that I’d know anything about that myself.

The other short story was a sincere ode to the books and an exploration of some of their core questions on death and loss. It followed Harry in an imagined scene that takes place (SPOILER ALERT lol) after Dumbledore’s death in the Half-Blood Prince. Harry is climbing the steps to the Owlery with a package in his hand, thinking over his relationship with Dumbledore. As I wrote, I found that I absolutely had to include excerpts from a fairly unexpected source, a chapter in the first and most overlooked of the Harry Potter books. The chapter is “The Mirror of Erised,” whose titular object reveals to the onlooker their deepest desire.

“Professor Dumbledore. Can I ask you something?”

“Obviously, you’ve just done so,” Dumbledore smiled. “You may ask me one more thing, however.”

“What do you see when you look in the mirror?”

“I? I see myself holding a pair of thick, woolen socks.” Harry stared. “One can never have enough socks,��� said Dumbledore. “Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.”

It was only when he was back in bed that it struck Harry that Dumbledore might not have been quite truthful.

In my story, Harry gazes out at the Forbidden Forest for a little while, wondering who Dumbledore had been behind the mask of calm wisdom and pondering the burden of those left alive and grieving. Harry then ties the package he’s been holding to Hedwig’s arm and sends her off, chuckling a little through tears. In the last line it is revealed that – OMG – he has just sent off a pair of thick, woolen SOCKS. To DUMBLEDORE. Even though Dumbledore is DEAD. Isn’t that profound?

Two years later, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was released, and to my complete surprise, it delved deep into some of the questions about Dumbledore that had tumbled out of me, stream-of-consciousness-like, in the story I wrote. The text even includes part of the above excerpt from “The Mirror of Erised”. At the outset of Deathly Hallows, Harry learns that Dumbledore’s childhood was a difficult one, the true details of which remain murky and contested by his admirers and critics. Harry regrets never having asked Dumbledore about his past, but recalls that, after all, the one personal question he had asked Dumbledore was not answered honestly…

While writing my story, I had imagined Harry’s pain and longing to know Dumbledore better. Because fan fiction allowed me to externalize my interpretation of the text, the questions in my mind took on concrete form. Their answers, when the next book presented them, became all the more striking and emotionally impactful. It was as though I had written a letter to the series of books that had shaped me and received, in a way, a gentle but meaningful response.

In 2004, JK Rowling released a statement about the phenomenon of fan fiction. She was flattered by fans’ desire to write about her characters, and her only caveats were that fan fiction should remain suitable for children (unfortunately that ship had already sailed, and Water was truly the least of it), as well as a non-commercial activity so that fans’ creative pursuits would remain unexploited. Other authors have not been as accepting, and have asked for fan fiction based on their work to be removed from popular websites. After all, in our current world, a story is classified as property. A sentence, a verse, a character’s name, can belong to someone the same way as the furniture in their house and the dollar figure in their bank account.

In the long history of storytelling, however, ownership is a relatively recent idea. Bear with me while I make an analogy – in pre-industrial Britain, every town had a commons, an area of land where anyone could gather firewood, take their cattle to graze, or hunt and fish to supplement a year of poor harvest. Storytelling has historically functioned as a kind of commons of ideas, one that anyone could pull from when the time came to tell a tale. Want to warn your kid against going near a well? Tell them about the hungry demon that lives in it. Were you hired to entertain a crowd at a wedding? Maybe you dust off an old poem about a prince and princess who meet one evening in the forest but spend years apart, not knowing each others’ true identity until it turns out they were betrothed all along.

Nobody invented well-dwelling monsters or estranged lovers for the first time – they simply existed in a shared cultural space, available when needed (or when it was particularly enjoyable to use them), ready to be shaped into something new and old at the same time. Even today, no one questions the use of familiar tropes in books and movies; we know that all storytelling involves a certain amount of borrowing and repetition, and we deem this acceptable as long as the storyteller has put an adequately original spin on the themes they utilize. The legal line is drawn once you get to the particulars – character names, or sentences and dialogue. These must be brand spanking new if you want to avoid a lawsuit and getting dropped by your publishers. (Does anyone else remember How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild, and Got a Life?)

But for thousands of years, people told and re-told stories of beloved and familiar characters, not just unnamed archetypes – characters like Odysseus and Arjuna, Gilgamesh and King Arthur. The Sanskrit Mahabharata (Maha-BHA-rata) an epicly long, genre-defying story from South Asia, especially challenges the idea of a single, canonical text (much like other ancient story traditions from the subcontinent). It was told so many times by so many people that modern-day folks are not always able to agree on what the Mahabharata even is. The story is like a vast ocean — recognizable to all, but appears different depending on where you happen to be standing.

In the 20th century, some scholars collected Mahabharata manuscripts from all over the subcontinent, extracted the most commonly occurring parts to form a text, and detailed the many variations of each verse in footnotes that turned out longer than the text itself. No one can quite agree whether to treat this resulting (multi-volume) “Critical Edition” as the essential Sanskrit Mahabharata tradition, or as some kind of strange, post-colonial Mahabharata scrapbook. All this so that whenever somebody wrote an essay about the story, there was a single text, pieced together as it was, to use as a point of reference. (My Bachelor’s thesis was one of the lesser works of this scholarly genre.)

The plot of the Mahabharata goes like this: The five Pandava brothers, namely the prone-to-gambling leader Yudhishthira, morally-conflicted archer Arjuna, lovable beefcake Bhima, and something-to-do-with-horses twins Nakula and Sachdeva, along with their badass wife Draupadi, are exiled from their kingdom and forced into a year of disguise after a rigged dice game that Yudhishthira loses, and in which Draupadi is stripped and humiliated before a hall full of men. Eventually the Pandavas regain what they lost through a bloody war that leaves both sides devastated and questioning the point of all this conflict. The End.

Does my summary reflect my biases a little bit? For somebody else, the Pandavas might be perfect heroes, Draupadi a whiny ungrateful shrew who won’t stop yelling at them. To me, she is the moral backbone of the Pandavas, unafraid to call for what she feels is right even as everyone around her takes the coward’s way out of trouble.

Interpretations of Draupadi from various traditions

But it’s not just me who has a take on the story: the Mahabharata itself reflects a range of interacting and conflicting views, which might indicate that people from various backgrounds heard it and were able, in some way, to influence it. For example, although the text generally upholds hierarchies of caste and gender, it also pulls at the listener’s heartstrings with stories of characters who must confront these oppressive norms.

There’s Amba, who is stolen from her future-husband at her wedding and rejected by him when she manages to return; she later chooses to be re-born as a man in order to kill her kidnapper in battle. There’s Ekalavya, the talented archer from a forest tribe who trains with the Pandavas in youth and asks to prove his devotion to his archery guru any way he can; the guru, who favors the upper-caste prince Arjuna, asks Ekalavya to cut off his right thumb. There’s Kunti, who finds herself pregnant after an illicit affair with a god and places her baby, Karna, in a river; Karna is adopted by a lower-caste charioteer couple and goes on to fight against Kunti’s legitimate sons in the great battle that destroys the universe. And there’s Satyavati, whose husband/baby daddy pretends not to recognize her in front of his kingly court but gets completely schooled on how not to be an asshole.

“You know very well [who I am], your majesty; why do you say that you don’t, lying like a common man? Your heart knows the truth, and knows your lie. A man who does something wrong thinks, ‘No one knows me,’ but the gods know. If you do not do what I ask, your head will burst into a hundred pieces.” She discoursed at length on the reasons why a man should honor his wife, quoting the dharma texts.

(from The Ring of Truth: And Other Myths of Sex and Jewelry by Wendy Doniger)

Perhaps, among the traveling bards and indulgent grandmas who told the Mahabharata over centuries, there were some who identified or empathized with the pain of oppression and through whom otherwise-marginalized voices could ring out into the millennia.

The many Mahabharatas, along with the many conversations inside the Mahabharata, illustrate how the human imagination is prolific and messy, not content with merely absorbing information but impelled to remake, to take inspiration, to create, create, create. Isn’t that what happens when we read? We see the world we are reading about in our own way. We make up something in our own head as we go along, and that’s where the entertainment lies. The book itself is but a wonderful tool.

Perhaps if I had a right-wing patron who paid me to tell stories, I would tell the Mahabharata a little differently from how I do here, focusing on how the Pandavas were self-made men or how the ethnic minorities they killed were thieving encroachers. Or if I were telling the story to children, I might leave out anything particularly frightening. In the telling of a story, the will and whims of the teller have influence, as do those of the listener (or reader) and the financial benefactor (or publishing house).

What remains inevitable, however, is that rarely is a story told the same way twice. Even in our post-printing press, post-internet world, where stories are replicated identically again and again, we continue to dissect, analyze, and change them, whether it be through everyday conversations, online forums, or the prestige lens of a critic’s review. (A perfect example is the adaptation of works from one medium into another, be it from literature to film or from film to theater.) Sometimes the authors themselves continue to tweak and interpret their work – Virginia Wolf was known to make changes to her books prior to reprinting, and we all know that JK Rowling can’t leave the Potter universe well enough alone (love you Jo!).

For me, fan fiction is a grand storytelling and textual tradition not entirely unlike the Mahabharata. Fan fiction not only illustrates the malleable, generative nature of stories, it also provides a rare space, in our capitalist global economy, for storytelling to be that malleable, generative thing it has always been. It allows for democratic engagement in the storytelling traditions of our time, free from the boxes of profit and ownership. It lets us expand the possibilities of our collective imagination. Importantly, it allows voices from the margins into the story, where our canonical texts routinely fail us.

I’m also thankful to fan fiction for being a rare space, outside overpriced college English classes, where literary discussion can thrive. When I say discussion, I don’t mean mere binary criticism – like book reviews, or the Goodreads star rating-aggregates that help determine book sales. I mean questions about how a text makes you feel, what it reflects or critiques about our world, the things that literary characters, beloved and abhorred, may teach us about our shared humanity and flawed choices. And yes, some of these conversations involve Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy as co-Heads of Hogwarts, using the same bathroom.

Are you a reader or writer of fan fiction? Have you you dabbled in fan art? Or do you engage in a non-online form of fandom, like a book club? Please share!

Thanks for reading.

[adaysnotes]

02152020

I think I have achieved the workstation setup that really caters to my specific ‘workflow’.

I did have previous decent setups but I think what makes my current one stand out is that I went past not just considering how an actual peripheral will be used but instead to consider it part of my entire workflow. Like the keyboard, for example. Plenty of times before, I would pick a keyboard solely because I thought it would really feel good when I played my online games, and also when typing blog entries, etc. I never gave much thought about how it would fit the rest of the other accessories -- say, the mouse.

This time around, I tried to come up with a setup that would work well as a unit, and, at the same time, has parts that are in itself high-performing. Working from home has presented this need since I try not to mix work with pleasure. That just basically means I don’t use the work laptop for browsing personal stuff, and my personal desktop for work and development tasks as well. (I wasn’t always like this, of course. Back in the office, there was no choice but to use your office laptop for browsing. Haha!)

I was also kind of getting tired with the gaming look of the setup that I had for quite sometime. I thought I’d go for a look more aimed at productivity -- a little more professional, if I may say so. Add that to the fact that I try to always think of ways in which I could save time and space in my daily life.  Among the things that had been at the back of my mind bugging me were my current desk devices and layout. The things that I had on my desk -- the gaming mouse and keyboard -- just took up too much space.

So my step 1 was to get rid of the gaming peripherals. I sold my Logitech G512 keyboard, the Razer Ergonomic Wrist Rest, and the Razer Mamba mouse. My colleague got the mechanical keyboard and wrist rest at a bargain, and a buyer from Carousell bought the mouse for a steal price also.

I went back to the Magic Keyboard that came with the iMac... but I could not make myself go back to the Magic Mouse simply because I just hated that thing. I never got the idea behind that device. It’s not ergonomic, which was toally un-Apple-like. 

When I had my MacBook (before I had this desktop), I was curious what the fuzz was about this Magic Mouse so I decided to try and buy one. I thought it might make using Photoshop or Lightroom easier, etc. I was so wrong. In no fucking way did it make any of my computer use more convenient. I sold it two days later. Hahahaha! The only reason why I still have a Magic Mouse now is that it came with the iMac. I didn’t want to add for a Magic Trackpad back then since I didn’t think I wanted it -- and I still had my Razer Mamba mouse then.

This time I decided to go with the Magic Trackpad 2. I’ve seen Vuhlandes’ workstation on his vlogs and he has that same trackpad. Plus, I’ve always placed a premium on devices that offer both the options of using it wired and wireless.

When I started editing photos with the Magic Trackpad, however, the use of brushes was a pain point I encountered. Using the trackpad in performing any click-and-drag task proved to be very unintuitive and, frankly, just difficult. Any click-drag activity would require you to exert more effort, not to mention that it grants you less control than if you were using a mouse. So I looked around the internet on what tools other photographers use.

The main solution that I came up with was to use a graphic tablet. To that end, one of my brothers lent me his Wacom Bamboo Pen & Touch when I told them about the possibility of getting myself a Wacom. I tried using it immediately once he let me borrow it, and I was totally blown away. It presented too great of an ease in my photo-editing workflow, instantly turning it into a quick hassle-free moment. For the short period that I used it in Capture One, the focus was on the things I wanted to do to get the output that I wanted and less on the ‘how’ would I do those same things. The next day, when I told my brother I was sold on the idea getting myself a graphics tablet, he told me that I can have his Wacom Bamboo. Wow!

While the graphic tablet covered the difficulty encountered with photo-editing softwares’ brushes and sliders, it occupied considerable table real estate next to a keyboard. A full-time mouse is also not its primary use case (I’m guessing, of course) so for me -- a stickler to a-place-for-everything-and-every-thing-in-its-place mantra, it was not an ideal solution for casual use. There were still normal, everyday click-and-drag scenarios (e.g. moving folder items to a different window on a big display, etc.) that doesn’t exactly present the need to bring out a pen & touch tablet full-time. Those would still require a mouse.

My search for a mouse was for a couple of reasons, with one being the reason I explained above. One of the other reasons was that I wanted a heftier and a more reliable mouse to use with my day job: software development work. 

The Logitech M720, the mouse that I had been using for my office-issued laptop, was becoming a little light for my taste. At the same time it was also unraveling now that I do mostly hardcore development work solely on a laptop display,  without an extended monitor. It’s selection and click-drag accuracy (or lack of it) has become more pronounced with the smaller screen space. Using it in the office before where there was a monitor offset this nuisance by forcing me to just aim more precisely and click more deliberately at the target. Here, right now, there is just no way to mitigate that. It was the M720′s time to go. My Wacom-tablet donor of a brother happened to also want a mouse for his MacBook Pro so I just handed him this one.

The Logitech MX Master 3 was just the perfect choice for my mouse. It still has the multi-device capability that the M720 had -- which I had never used (I just knew it had that because of the additional buttons) --- but it was also bigger and heavier. It was also more reliable -- a conclusion I gathered from watching some couple dozen of YouTube videos and fiddling through Google’s search results of “best mouse for Mac”. So I did my usual online window-shopping for a week or so. Units of the mouse weren’t really easy to come by locally and prices were also really all over the place so I decided to go for the ones in the middle price range, eventually settling on a Facebook page that sells electronic components for robotics, and stuff. They happened to have an MX Master 3 in their inventory posted, which I found quite weird since they were selling mostly electrical circuit boards for Raspberry Pi and whatnot. I messaged them one evening and told them that I’ll order the next day and have it picked up once they confirm the order and payment. 

When I finally got to use my own Logitech MX Master 3, it did not disappoint. It wasn’t over the top. I mean, you could consider the modern look to be (it really isn’t). But the performance? It didn’t hit you with a wow. It just flat out, simply delivered. It did what I wanted it to do. The setup was easy, the moving between my work laptop and my personal desktop was seamless. These days, I’m even playing Starcraft: Remastered with it. It was like a perfect marriage of all the features that I wanted in a mouse: the wired/wireless option, the multi-device support, modern design, right amount of heft, the softness of the click, the sleek charging cable, etc. It was just the right work mouse.

Now, let’s go to the keyboard.

Apple’s Magic Keyboard is no doubt an impressive piece of equipment and is very fun to use. However, using it for a long period of time will really suck since there is nothing really ergonomic about it. It’s too low and flat (both its frame and keys) that when you’re trying to type fast you would find that you are actually banging on the keys. That’s not good. I am also a deep lover of the number pad. This is also one of the reasons why I’ve always felt the need to get an external keyboard when using a laptop: I feel that a work setup is incomplete without a numpad. What I wanted now was a keyboard with a numpad that still has the compactness somehow of Apple’s keyboard. But as I was looking around what to get, I would still try and look for models that have my nice-to-have features: wired/wireless options and mechanical.

This is where I first began taking a serious look at the Keychron brand. Their Keychron K4 V2 wireless mechanical keyboard checks all those boxes that I’ve laid out. It’s a 100-key mechanical keyboard that can be used wired or wireless, and is compact. It also has the multi-device feature, which completely had me sold on it since I was just getting the hang of this particular feature on the MX Master 3 mouse. Just thinking of a one-keyboard-one-mouse setup for both my office laptop and iMac, I was already giddy with the space I’ve saved on my desk. And so in a way, when I had read up on all of the K4 V2′s features while waiting for my turn with the dentist, it was a no-brainer. When I got home that night, I ordered the keyboard online along with the Keychron wooden palm rest.

One thing that I also loved about the Keychron K4 was that its visual elements are very minimal. It doesn’t have a huge frame, and the design is pretty straightforward. It’s minimal and it’s also nostalgic. Its boxy keys takes me back to the times when I was playing alone as a make-believe hacker with the mechanical keyboard (all keyboards were mechanical back in the day) from our old computer. The K4 also has RGB lighting but it does grant you options to change the colors and lighting effects, or even turn it off completely (which I did with mine).

So now, I have a multi-device combo of an awesome mouse and an equally awesome compact keyboard for use for work and for pleasure, a trackpad for smooth scrolling and also serves as a backup cursor, and a graphic pen & tablet which I pull out from the side for a more precise and efficient creative workflow. I know, I know -- it’s really very specific to me. But so far, it works.

This entry took quite a while to finish. I started this one on the 15th, and it’s now sometime past midnight of the 20th. 

[fulloflesbeans]

Hazel Eyes & Cake Pops [Ch. 17]

Read on Ao3 here

I was lying on the couch, restless and still fiddling with the bracelet. I still wasn't over the fact that she gave me her favorite color. It was eleven, Chloe left to HUE sf again and Rachel already went to sleep, leaving me in the dark and staring at the bright TV screen. I was getting up to check on my phone that was charging and to see if Kate sent any messages. She has sent a few during my car ride back, but all she said was that she put the polaroid in a book as a bookmark and reminding me how she had a great time today.

When it was around eleven-thirty, I took a chance and decided to sleep. Throughout the night, I kept waking up every thirty minutes. I was becoming more exhausted every single time. I think I heard Chloe come home at one point. I was definitely anxious for tomorrow, having to photograph Rachel and Chloe with an elite fashion team, and it'll be published on millions of covers. I was able to get about two hours of sleep, tops.

"WAKE UP, MAX!" I heard yelling, banging pots and pans, and someone shaking me all at once. I woke up so disoriented, I thought I was going to die in that moment. Chloe was the one shaking me, stopping me once I sat up.

"Sorry, Max," Rachel stopped banging the pots in her hands, "We're working like me for a day."

"What time is it?" I asked through a yawn.

"It's almost five in the morning."

They were still in their pajamas, so I could only assume they just leaped out of bed and then came to me. My head was still spinning from all the commotion.

"You wake up to pots banging?"

"In the beginning," she nodded and grabbed my arms, pulling me up, "Alright Max, time to get ready."

I took a really long shower and threw on my favorite blue jeans and a boring white shirt. My hair was still a mess, but I still put it up. Lastly, I grabbed my Polaroid camera, simply because of wanting memories. Chloe felt the exact same way and it showed in her eyes. She sat next to me on the couch, looking very grumpy and had her arms folded tightly. Her time at the club was not kind to her. Somehow at this hour, Rachel was glowing and happily skipping around.

"You did this every day?" I rested my head on Chloe's shoulder.

"It's usually earlier, but thank god it's at six, am I right?" She said gleefully.

Chloe and I groaned at the same time.

Sadly, for Chloe, she had to drive. Rachel stayed in the back with me so I could stay awake. It was becoming sunrise yet it was still dark blue; it was rather haunting from the streetlights to the empty street. It was picture perfect moment—though, I chose not to.

"Are you ready?" Rachel asked.

"I think so? I need some coffee and then I'll be able to take your pictures."

"Well yeah, but after that!"

"Yes, Rache, ready as I’ll ever be. Is it an official "we're a couple" kinda thing?"

"Yeah, my manager was like, "might as well.'"

I lightly snickered and smirked, "I'll try to make you guys pretty. I haven't had to use a professional camera in a while."

"You'll do amazing. Trust me, you'll have the time of your life and it's one more thing on your resume."

"That is very true." I had to agree, since I haven't had anything to add to a resume, therefore, was grateful for this opportunity. I took deep breaths to keep myself awake, but there were plenty of times where I passed out for a minute then regain consciousness again. We arrived at a large white building, with only a sign that stated it was a studio on the side.

"Is this legit?"

"I've done some shoots here before. Don't be scared already, Max! We haven't even gotten inside."

"I'm just asking." I shrugged my shoulders.

On the inside, it was what I expected: bright lights, white background, stylists, makeup artists, and another crew to look at pictures on separate screens. I knew it was going to be fast paced and pose-after-pose with a lot of yelling, but I tried my keep my composure and to stop my hands from shaking so much.

"Rachel, you're here!" A man sitting at the computer screens announced loudly, standing up and going to Rachel, kissing her cheeks in some weird greeting.

"Charmed," she shined her best smile, "This is Chloe and, the best photographer I know, Max."

"Best photographer, huh? You call yourself that?" He was very flamboyant, but he terrified me.

"No, sir, only Rachel calls me that."

He groaned, "So formal and awkward. Anyways, get to hair and makeup, we need to get this show on the road!"

He pranced away to help with lights. I sighed. I really had something to prove to everyone in this room. I've learned lots of things about fashion photography, which was a lot of work from lighting to specific poses for different colors and themes.

As I was taught to set up the fancy Nikon camera by another person, Rachel and Chloe sat in makeup chairs surrounded by groups of men and women with brushes and makeup palettes. It was a plain white background, some black and white stools on the side, and studio lights from both sides. I had plenty of ideas, but I had to wait until I see the outfits. In fact, I wouldn't want to use the plain background, but that probably wasn't allowed.

I tested out the camera and, though not my style, it was exciting. It was so clear and everything looked so bright through the lens.

I watched as Rachel and Chloe were getting their makeup done, but it wasn't over the top, it was more of a natural look, so to speak. I could see Rachel's highlight from the other side of the room. Chloe's discomfort was obvious too. I went up to them, at a reasonable distance so I didn't get in the way. However, I did use my Polaroid to capture them in that moment.

"Are you okay, Chloe?" I raised my voice.

"I'm alright!"

It was typical eyeliner and nude colors. Rachel sat incredibly still and looking at her phone while Chloe was gripping the arm rests and her feet kept shifting around. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I walked away from them.

I'm sorry Max! I took your shirt!

kek It's okay Kate. We were tired and you looked pretty comfortable in it.

I was. I can give it back to you before class.

Sure, sounds great.

I was tempted to say she could just keep it. We already have a lot of things to remember yesterday, so maybe clothing was a stretch? I looked at my bracelet and my heart skipped a beat.

What plans do you have for today?

Right, she was still asleep when Rachel told me.

I'm with Rachel and Chloe for a photoshoot. I'm the one taking the shots.

I felt prouder and prouder to say that.

How exciting! I guess I'll leave you be so you could take them.

I'll text you after.

Okay TTYL.

I should have asked what her plans were, but they were most likely either meeting her friends for the film or staying home with her roommate.

I went back to the backdrop to observe it. What poses could be done? Since it was an official way of coming out to the whole world, it had to be intimate yet still them. It was going to be hours before we could actually start, because there was still hair and outfit to be styled, so I went into another area of the building into another room and finally found all the drinks and snacks on an oblong table.

Jackpot.

I spent most of the time walking around with a donut in one hand and coffee in the other. I spoke to a lot of the crew and asking what it was like to work in such a crazy industry. A lot of them were very against the whole super skinny and Photoshop side of it. They praised Rachel and loved her, but were forced to fix something like makeup and hair at the very least. I went up to Rachel and Chloe, who were still sitting in their chairs, but now waiting for everything to set up for hair.

"Wish I could eat..." Rachel sighed as she stared at it in my hand.

"You want a little piece?" I broke off a really small piece and tried to hand it to her, but Chloe took it.

"I saw my outfit. I wouldn't want to bloat even a little bit."

"Oh, crop top, maybe?"

"It's sorta like that bra I wore with the leather jacket." She reminded.

"Does that fit the theme?"

Rachel looked at the backdrop, and then glared at me, "There's a theme?"

"... Maybe, I didn't hear anything about one. I've been trying to think of one because there's practically nothing here."

Rachel hummed, resting her head on her hand as she placed her elbow on her armrest, "Do tell."

"All I see right now is black-and-white colors, so I feel as though everything is so boring? Chloe's hair is going to be the brightest part of it."

"That's a good thing, right?" Chloe didn't seem worried. In fact, she was really happy about it.

"It is! There's contrast, but I need to balance the colors and think about eye movement."

"Now you're talking like a professional!" Rachel pointed at me as she said that.

I chuckled, "I got to. Is there a certain way you would like to be to posed, though?"

"We never modeled together," Rachel reached over and held Chloe's hand, "so, it'll be a lot of experimenting."

"Got it. I might suggest something, so be prepared."

"We're ready for anything!"

After finishing my drink, taking another picture of them on their makeup chairs, doing peace signs and sticking their tongues out, I left to practice more with the fancy and incredibly expensive camera. It had to be portrait, at the right distance, but I haven't found the right pose. It was difficult for me to find one, because one, it'll be awkward instantly if it's completely off, and two, they were a couple, but I didn't want to be too cheesy or forced.

For the next few hours, I was walking around both inside and around the outside. I ended up taking photos randomly like the set on the inside and the cars outside in order to get my brain going. I only had a couple of ideas by the time I went back inside again.

Chloe looked like a different person when I got back inside. They shaved her hair down except for the top, which they cut slightly shorter and wavy, and her hair was a mix of blue and purple. It was a hella gay pixie cut and Rachel's wide eyes spoke louder than words.

"Holy shit, Chloe, you look great." I said in awe.

"You think so? This is new for me." Chloe kept moving her head from side to side as she looked in the mirror.

"I'm hella gay right now..." Rachel tried to say at low volume, but I heard it.

Chloe smirked at her, "That might help with the photoshoot."

I only chuckled as I took another picture of them gazing passionately at each other. They were already in their outfits. Rachel was in black, a bralette and incredibly tight jeans, and Chloe was in white, in a dress shirt unbuttoned halfway to show her chest and a pair of white jeans. White pants didn't quite match her, but it's only for the day. Strangely, they were both barefoot.

"Why can't I button this shit?" Chloe started to button her shirt up again.

"They styled it that way." Rachel then started to unbutton.

Chloe had every right to feel weird about it; she wasn't wearing a shirt or bra under.

"You just want to stare."

"That's the point."

I only rolled my eyes, but cleared my throat, "Did you guys think of any poses you would like?"

"Nope," Rachel turned to me, "Did you?"

"I thought of a couple, but it was hard."

"It is! I don't want this photo to just be fashion. I just want it to look like a normal couple photo. Normal for us."

"I was thinking of that too. I'll try not to make it too cheesy."

"Oh fuck, I hate those." Chloe jeered.

"Which is why, Chloe, I'll try my best to not do that."

"You're the boss, Maxonista."

I chuckled at that, "Anyway, can I take a few practice shots of you guys separately? I would like to warm up."

"Of course, let's get started!" Rachel clapped her hands together.

She went first, since she was the professional. She already knew her angles and her poses, from cute and warm poses to alluring and sexual poses, all in poses from standing and sitting on the stool. She had the look in her eyes, the placement of her hands, the shape of her body, even the flow of her hair, all down pat.

Chloe, on the other hand, was rather stiff in the beginning. Everything was so angled and didn't flow right, her face was stuck on two expressions of either pissed or nothing at all, and placement of hands and feet were awkward. At one point, Rachel had to go in and help her relax a bit, talking to her and feeling on Chloe's arms and sides. Hell, even I knew that she could do better than that.

The man that called me formal and awkward, who was apparently the model coach, was helping her on the side by doing poses and all she had to do was copy them. It took about fifteen minutes before she finally loosened up and started doing poses she was comfortable with. She loved her arms up and she just started dancing around, making me time and wait patiently for the right moment.

"Damn, donut girl's really good at this!" One person at the computer screens complimented.

I let out a breathy laugh. I didn't think anyone actually noticed me eating and walking. Chloe eventually stopped hopping around and looked at me, out of breath, "Are we good now?"

"Yeah, I think we're ready to start for real." I said confidently.

Rachel, Chloe, and I walked up to each other in front of the background. Chloe was sweating and shining under the light, trying to even her breath again. Rachel was rubbing her back, laughing at how winded she got from dancing around.

"Alright, what pose did you have in mind, Max... Barker? Is that the dude's name?" Chloe's face looked very confused.

"Yup!" Rachel replied, "What's on your mind, Maxie?"

"Well," I started, "Since you reminded me of the time we did a mini fashion show and Chloe swept you off your feet, literally, I was thinking to get you two back in that pose again."

"When she carried me? That doesn't sound too bad. Is it a profile shot?"

"Yeah, I have a feeling those pictures I just took will be used on other pages, so don't worry about the outfits. We could try some front shots, but I couldn't think of any that didn't look awkward or not you two, you know what I mean?"

"We got you. What do you say, Chloe?"

"Let's do this," Chloe whooped, "Besides, I know that pose all too well."

They went back to their stage and I grabbed the camera again. I couldn't help but notice that Chloe might have gotten a little taller. She grabbed Rachel right away and wrapped her legs around Chloe's waist in one fluid motion. Chloe's face was pretty much in Rachel's chest.

"That's... interesting." The model coach said.

"I got this, sir." I got closer to change their pose. At this point, Rachel had her arms around Chloe's neck and Chloe was jokingly motor-boating her. They eventually stopped, taking way too long to notice we were all watching. I chuckled and shook my head at them before I started.

"Can you move your hair over? Like, flip it to the other side?" I made a motion with my arm over my head.

Rachel smoothly flicked her head and all her hair moved to the other side, towards the background.

"Hold her a little higher."

Chloe did so, bouncing her upwards.

"Uh, a little lower."

Chloe rolled her eyes, but followed.

"Move your arm, Rachel."

Rachel's arm towards me covered half of Chloe's face. She moved it down slightly.

"That light over there needs to be higher." I pointed to the light on Rachel's side. Some of the workers fixed it up, perfectly aiming it more towards the front of them.

"Alright, now, to make this as natural as possible, make her laugh." I didn't specify who to make who laugh, because one of them was going to regardless. I walked away again, readying my camera… and waited.

Chloe did so right away, I could hear her whispering and Rachel giggling. I watched as it was getting progressively louder and Chloe was starting to have a large grin and laugh herself. It was infectious; everyone else in the room was laughing along with them. I started to take pictures when they, and everyone else, was piqued and at the breaking point. I went with their profile and straight-on, no different angles or heights, and it felt perfect.

I felt like I took about hundred photos of them like this and stopped when Rachel nearly fell off.

"Oh shit!" Rachel exclaimed through her laughter. I wonder what Chloe said that this was the reaction.

"How do they look?" I went and looked at the photos on the screens.

When the guy that called me donut girl wiped a tear off his ear and finally finished he yelled out, "Fucking perfect!"

"It's a wrap!" I announced. The room erupted into a mix of giggles and applause.

ot;Can I �'0�a

[resbang-bookclub]

AMA Transcript: In the Colors of a Photograph

Last week, @victoriandancer and @guacamoletrash dropped in for an AMA about their 2016 Resbang, In the Colors of a Photograph! Check out some of the fun:

Q: How much research on marine biology did you do for this?

victoriandancer: UMM not much, lol. I was a biotechnology major in college (which was only a few years ago) and I'm an immunology research technician now. I mostly pulled from my head. Some of the boat questions I looked up, and a few obscure marine bio things. I didn't want to go into too much detail and lose people who weren't bio nerds like me lol.

Q: Favorite part to write?

victoriandancer: My favorite part was the very first day they were out on the water and Soul was photographing Maka's explorations. It was so serene and sweet and fun at the same time!

Q: For guac: You said it was your first time using Photoshop for your piece! Did you learn a lot?

guac: All I had ever used it for was a photography class I took in high school, and boy oh boy. I don't think I'd ever used the brush tool until September? I learned so so so much, and I'm so ready to learn so much more!!!!!!

Q: Did anything inspire/motivate you to write this particular story/setting? And how did you think of it?

victoriandancer: I was trying to stick with biology because it's a comfort zone for me, but I didn't want to do the normal "college lab class." Tried that before and didn't work. I honestly can't remember how I decided on the marine biology idea, but when I did think of it, I just ran with it and never looked back haha.

Q: Did you listen to any music while writing this or did any music inspire any scenes?

victoriandancer: No music involved lol. If I do listen to music it's Two Steps from Hell because there are no words and it puts me in the writing/study zone. But music itself doesn't usually find its way into my writing. That may change if I ever write one focused on music. And since I love writing Soul so much, that may happen one day. Two Steps from Hell would then be a good place to start lol. Yay for brainstorming future fics! 

guac: Here is a playlist I made while thinking about this story and trying to make art for it. I'm just gonna toss it here: https://open.spotify.com/user/gmenapacheco/playlist/6IIFWmmG7rIb7uYIkshanT

Q: Was there a scene in particular that you found it challenging to write?

victoriandancer: Hmmmmm, I get stuck with writer's block A LOT. I have no attention span lol. I got stuck right before the final climax scene. I think I knew the fic was going to end after that and I didn't want it to end, but time was running out and I was panicking and just AHHHH. I'm usually good writing the middle of a scene, never the beginning or end lol.

Q: How much of the story is personal experience and how much is research?

victoriandancer: I looked up a few boating questions (especially diving terminology and boat parts terminology). Photography I wanted to keep general enough to not confuse myself lol. For marine bio stuff, 99% came out of my head from previous classes lol.

Q: What was your writing process like? Once you had the idea for the fic, did you tend to write linearly or did any scenes from later on come earlier in your writing?

victoriandancer: I write very linearly. One day I want to experiment with writing different scenes at different times, but I'm afraid I'll never get them to connect. I'm definitely an analytical person over creativity, so writing the story linearly helps me keep it all straight lol.

Q: Did you have a writing goal for yourself, i.e. 'work on pacing' or 'better flow' for this resbang, and if so, what was it?

victoriandancer: Completion was my goal lol. I did the FMA Big Bang challenge and that was my first completed multi-chapter fic ever. I was very comfortable with my plot and story line in that one, and not so comfortable with this one, so I just wanted to finish it and have it be a cohesive unit.

Q: For guac: How did you choose which scenes to illustrate???

guac: So I actually wanted to do multiple scenes and there is a draft for a second one and a concept doodle for a third WHICH I AM STILL CONSIDERING DOING BECAUSE THIS FIC IS NEAR AND DEAR TO MY HEART AND I WANT TO EVENTUALLY DO ALL MY IDEAS. I basically was just doing my favorite scenes from what I had read. Which were A LOT. 

victoriandancer: DO THEM!!!!!! 

guac: I WILL. TRUST ME. It's on my "list of things to do before 2018."

Q: Was there a scene that went in a different direction than you had originally planned?

victoriandancer: So I expected Tsubaki and Black Star to come back in at some point, then I got carried away with silly friendship and it just never happened lol.

Q: Was there anyone who was hard to characterize or write for you?

victoriandancer: Black Star, definitely. I didn't want to get carried away with his antics, but I still wanted him to be funny. And I also didn't want to just copy him from the show either. Not sure how well I succeeded with that, but I sure tried lol. 

guac: You write a good Black Star.

Q: When did you start writing? Was this something you had a lil prepared before Resbang or was it a sprint to the finish or...?

victoriandancer: Both? So I started with a good goal (a few hundred words a day) but I don't remember when I started. But then I had a very sudden job change and big move and time got away from me so it was definitely a sprint to the finish lol. It must have been at least August that I started.

Q: Was there a particular location you were thinking of while writing?

victoriandancer: I was thinking of California, but I've never actually been to California? More a place where sunset happens over the water.

Q: Guac, was there something that you found super fun/easy or conversely gave you lots of trouble art-wise?

Q: guac: So this was my first time using Photoshop to make illustrations. Before, I had only used it when I took a high school digital photo class. I had to look up so many tutorials and things so that I could get things to look how I wanted them to.

Q: VD, did anything about the ending change as you went along or did your idea about how everything would pan out stay about the same?

victoriandancer: So I wrote at least 3/4 of the fic without knowing how to end it. I was forced to end it when deadlines came to hunt me down. So no, there was no plan to begin with lol.

Q: Did Tsubaki have a separate project?

victoriandancer: LOL yeah I wanted her to have a full fledged project and it just didn't pan out. I totally plan on writing a sequel (which would include more art shows and galleries than science journals) but don't know how to start.

Q: Do you have a favorite scene in general?

victoriandancer: Hmmmmmmm I don't know. Probably the scene where they’re snapping each other with towels. It's just ADORABLE (or should I say adorkable) and AWWWWWWW. And it was fun to write.

Q: So victoriandancer are you plannin’ on doing Resbang again this year? /nudge nudge

victoriandancer: YES I AM. I have no ideas yet but they will come lol. I think I want to get away from biology this time. My FMA fic was medical-related so that's why I'm going to try to get away from it. There would be too much overlap and it would stop being fun if I don't expand. (Shameless promo for my FMA fic: http://archiveofourown.org/works/7853809/chapters/17932963)

Q: What do you think you learned from this Resbang about yourself, or about your writing?

victoriandancer: So I learned that I can perform under some pressure. I was actually worried about taking this new job because I would be under some pressure from my bosses for good data, but this fic was kind of like a warm up for adjusting to my new job. When deadlines came for Resbang, I just buckled down and got it done, which gives me faith I can also perform my duties in my job under some pressure.

Q: Do you have a favorite fiction author?

victoriandancer: Ohhhh definitely Anne Bishop! She is AMAZING PHENOMENAL INSPIRATIONAL AND PERFECT.

Q: Oh, Dark Jewels trilogy?

victoriandancer: YES. But also her Novels of the Others series. Go read Written in Red NOW.

Q: Gonna follow that up with what was the most influential book or fic youve read?

victoriandancer: Ohhhhhhhh that's a tough one. I've always loved tsarodat's Dragon fic. You can see her writing morph and grow and expand throughout the chapters and I just always go reread it when I need a boost in confidence. There are probably others but that's the main one that comes to mind.

Q: Do you have any favourite writing spots or rituals?

victoriandancer: Nope. Just me and my laptop chugging away. I have an apartment so there's really no space for variation. I don't like writing in public. I would much prefer to be in the comfort of my home, even if my dog gives me strange looks once in a while.

Thanks again to victoriandancer and guac for a great AMA! Look out for more transcripts in the coming week!!

[iyarpage]

Owner of Wee Taps and Full-Time Indie Illustrator & Designer: A Top Designer Interview With Paddy Donnelly

Indie Designer, Paddy Donnelly

Welcome to another installment of our Top App Dev Interview series!

This time there’s a slight twist: we’re actually interviewing a designer. I guess that makes this a Top App Designer Interview. :]

Each interview in this series focuses on a successful mobile app, developer or designer and the path they took to get where they are today. Today’s special guest is Paddy Donnelly.

Paddy Donnelly is an Irish illustrator who now lives in Belgium. With over 14 years experience as an illustrator and designer, Paddy now gets to make living drawing dinosaurs, and his 5-year-old self is very happy about this.

Paddy is comfortable working in a number of different illustration styles depending on the type of project. He has been creating kids apps for iOS under the brand Wee Taps and wishes that Pluto was still a planet. He also redesigned the raywenderlich.com website a few years back!

Love For Pixels

I understand you were previously a designer, and now focus more on illustration. What made you decide to make the switch, and were there any challenges making this career switch?

I’ve been working as a designer for about 14 years. I got my start in web design and have moved through desktop apps, mobile apps, print design, games and the last few years have been all about illustration. Now I’m focusing a lot more on illustrating children’s picture books, which is a totally different experience.

I’ve had a love for illustration since I was a kid, but it’s only after working in the design industry for so many years that I felt I could really dive into it as a career.

About 10 years ago, each website was something unique. A totally different design, based on what the website was about. Web designers were really creative, however, I feel that web design ‘found its groove’ a few years ago and we’ve gone through a period of all websites having this same basic structure and look and feel. Mobile apps also went the same way and I didn’t really enjoy the ‘flat design’ era. I do appreciate good, minimal design, however creatively I longed for something a bit different.

I wanted every project to be something new and challenging and didn’t want to start from a template. That’s maybe why illustration appeals to me. No two projects are alike and you can really express yourself in the piece.

There are of course challenges to working as an illustrator vs a designer. There is a lot of competition and it’s really difficult to break into the children’s publishing market, however, I’m enjoying trying something new.

Paddy now focuses on illustrations.

Imagine someone commissions you to create an illustration. What is your general process, how long does it usually take you and what tools do you use?

This depends on a lot of different factors. The first step is to discuss the concept with the client, their goals for the piece etc. Then I’d move on to rough sketching and often I’d use mood boards to show what I’m thinking in terms of style. Then it’s on to the digital illustration. Timing depends on the size, style, complexity etc.

I use a Wacom Tablet with Photoshop and Illustrator. I use a lot of Kyle Webster’s brushes in my illustration pieces.

What illustration are you most proud of, and why?

This is a tough one. Well, one of the most amazing opportunities I’ve had was to create the unlockable stickers for Foursquare’s Swarm app. That has been so much fun coming up with crazy sticker ideas, and also knowing that something you created is used by millions of people is pretty mind-blowing.

Sticker pack designed by Paddy for Foursquare’s app.

Recently I’ve created a couple of kids illustration pieces, one symbolising the struggle with dyslexia and one about Little Red Riding Hood that I’m pretty proud of.

Being a designer is such a creative outlet for me. It’s great to be able to imagine a creative solution in your mind and then work hard to realise that solution. Seeing a finished product is always satisfying, and hearing good feedback from users. Getting to be creative every day is perhaps the best thing.

What recommendations do you have for app developers looking to hire designers or illustrators? For example: where should they look to hire someone, and do you have any tips for working well with a designer/illustrator?

I’d say get involved in the project as soon as possible in the process so that both you and the designer know what’s expected and are both thinking about solutions. I always try to involve the developer even at the idea stage, as I think it’s far too late to hand a completed design to a developer and say ‘build this’.

If you get involved early in the process, developers can give you ideas on what new technologies are available, tricks you can use to speed up the workflow and give you an idea of what’s possible within the budget/timescale.

In terms of finding a designer, most clients contact me after visiting my portfolio site or through sites like Dribbble. I’ve also now just recently signed with an agent, The Bright Agency so now I get a lot of illustration projects through them. Instagram is also a good way to get your work out there. So any one of these avenues is a great starting point to finding a super designer..

If one of our readers wants to become “an awesome illustrator just like Paddy”, and has 4 years to do so, how would you recommend they spend their time?

Work hard.

Be nice to people.

These two rules are essential. There are no shortcuts. You just need to do more and more work to get better.

If your job is your passion, then all the better. Then you can constantly be adding to your portfolio, just for fun. And definitely, make connections with people. I’ve gotten so many great projects through other designers and developers I have worked with, met at conferences, interacted with online.

Be nice to people because it’s a small world and an even smaller industry.

Indie Life

How did you transition from a “normal job” to being a freelancer? And what are the challenges working on your own?

Start. Just make the leap. There’s something that has been rattling around in the back of your head for a while now. An idea. Something you’ve always wanted to do. It might not work. It’s scary. Everyone is scared. Just start it.

Essentially I just took more and more freelance work on in the evenings and weekends until I was sure that there was enough work out there for me, then I made the leap.

I quite like working on my own, from home. It doesn’t bother me, in fact, I really enjoy the peace and quiet. Forcing myself to keep active and get out of the house can sometimes be a challenge, but I’m getting better at that.

Paddy’s simple, yet beautifully creative workspace.

Paddy, can you tell me what an average day looks like for you? (i.e. 8:00 wake up…)

My current routine looks something similar to this;

8am: Wake up

8:15am: Coffee

9am-10am: Breakfast and emails

10am-12pm: Illustration work

12pm-2pm: Usually do something active, head into town, go for a walk or coffee

2pm-6pm: More illustration work

6pm-7pm: Dinner

7pm-11pm: Either do more work, usually creating pieces for my portfolio, writing, Netflix.

Many of our readers have had a challenging time making a successful business out of selling apps on the App Store. Out of the apps you’ve worked on, have any been a success financially?

We’ve had a bit of luck with a few of our kids apps however it’s all been dependent on Apple choosing to feature us or not. That’s the only thing that’s really worked I’ve found.

A few times our apps got picked up in a feature list, or sometimes in a banner in the App Store and we get a spike. We couldn’t give our freelance lives up just yet based on the revenue, however, it’s a nice extra passive income each month. It is very tough though making a living in the App Store. There is so much competition now.

I guess create something unique and look at what technologies Apple is focusing on and create something in that space to be in with a chance of featuring.

Focus

Developers really struggle with procrastination. What kind of distractions do you get and how do you handle them?

Paddy is at his best in the morning!

I do get distracted a lot, however, I also keep pretty flexible working hours. Working for myself from home means I can get a burst of creativity in the morning, take a break to do something else and then continue on in the afternoon or in the evening.

In the last few months I’ve really switched up my schedule and I am working when I’m feeling it, rather than sticking to a 9-5. I’ve found that’s really helped with being creative. Just keep the deadlines in mind, and disable the “autoplay” on YouTube.

For me, my noise-cancelling headphones and Spotify are the number one things that keep me focused. When I can close off the rest of the world and get in the zone, I can be creative.

How do you manage the wearing of multiple hats, for example managing clients and then doing the design?

Over the years I’ve figured out the kind of design work I really like to do and I stick to those areas.

Keeping focused on what I like to do and being honest with clients about not doing other types of design work has been important to me and my workflow. I haven’t had much trouble with the invoicing and contracts side of things. I have a pretty standard workflow now after working for so many years.

I’ve found what works for me and I think good communication with your clients is vital.

Paddy has really found what he loves to do!

Can you tell me more about your business process? For example; What do you use to create invoices? How do you make sure payments are received on time?

I’m a huge fan of Freeagent it’s a lifesaver. So easy to keep all your client contacts, invoices, time sheets together. I always work with contracts and require deposits before I start on a project. That’s really important.

Good communication with a client and settings expectations is also important. Make sure in your contract that it says you don’t deliver the final work or source files before your final invoice is paid is my ultimate advice.

Where To Go From Here?

And that concludes our Top Designer Interview with Paddy Donnelly. Huge thanks to Paddy for sharing his journey with the community :]

Having a clear direction on your career seems to be key to Paddy’s success. Paddy knows exactly where to get his clients, understands his workflow and has perfected his skills on the illustration side of the business.

I hope you can pick out the key’s to Paddy’s success and put in to practice in your work-flow.

If you are an app developer with a hit app or game in the top 100 in the App store, we’d love to hear from you. Please drop us a line anytime. If you have a request for any particular developer you’d like to hear from, please join the discussion in the forum below!

The post Owner of Wee Taps and Full-Time Indie Illustrator & Designer: A Top Designer Interview With Paddy Donnelly appeared first on Ray Wenderlich.

Owner of Wee Taps and Full-Time Indie Illustrator & Designer: A Top Designer Interview With Paddy Donnelly published first on https://medium.com/@koresol

[doodlewash]

My interest in art started as a North Carolina kid fascinated with comic books. I spent much of my early teens trying unsuccessfully to emulate the comic artists of the day. But, I wasn’t one of those kids who was drawing and painting from the day I could hold a pencil. I really wasn’t interested at all until I was about 11 or 12.

Eventually, I took art classes in high school and considered art as one option for college and career. Of course, I chose something completely different because who does things the easy way? Within a few years though, even that career path – that of a newspaper writer and photographer – brought me back to art in the early days of computer graphics and desktop publishing.

While I don’t do as much with graphics as I used to, it is still a part of my day job. Earlier this year, I created all the posters for the 2017-18 season for a local little theatre in a combination of traditional and digital techniques.

During those first few years in newspaper, and later in the printing industry, I didn’t completely lose interest in traditional art. But it was more of a way to kill time than anything serious. Around 2004, I decided to get serious again and began exploring acrylics for a while. I found I preferred to use acrylics more like watercolors than oils and realized I was drawn more to the watercolors of other artists rather than other media. So, I tested the waters, so to speak, and haven’t looked back.

I’ve loved cars since I bought my first one in the 1980’s. My fascination with them from an artistic standpoint – mostly the rolling sculpture of Detroit’s golden age in the 1950’s – started with the success of my first car painting in acrylics. Of course, shiny sheet metal, chrome reflections and rough rust are a very different story in watercolor. But once I figured out various techniques to get those textures right, I found it to be a lot of fun, especially rust.

So, I’ve got a lot of car paintings floating around. But, I see too many artists who seem to be one-trick ponies; they only ever paint one subject. Sure, they usually do that one subject very, very well. And, I understand they paint what they get paid to paint. But, I can’t imagine they don’t get bored.

I certainly get bored looking at the same thing over and over on their websites. Instead of falling into that trap, I’ve tried to explore other subjects – landscapes, figures, portraits, and still lifes. I’ve been especially successful with musical instruments, shoes, figures, and horror-related subjects. The last few years I’ve been concentrating on landscapes and portraits.

I’m also trying to get away from photographic realism by studying the recent British Impressionist watercolorists, my favorite being John Yardley. It’s too easy to get bogged down in details that don’t tell the story of the painting in question. And, I see too many paintings in which everything in the image is razor sharp and finely detailed.

Having spent some time as a professional photographer, I’m well aware of the ability of a well-crafted photo to direct the eye with depth of field, leaving unimportant portions of the image out of focus. I’m trying to bring that capability and technique to my paintings, especially my landscapes. It’s part of a technique I’ve taken to calling loose realism.

That’s really just another way of describing what most people are talking about then they use the word “painterly.” In loose realism even main subjects need not be photographic to be convincing. Backgrounds and foregrounds can be loose, wet, and indistinct. One method I use for achieving this, and for forcing myself to see a reference photo more simply, is to use Photoshop or other programs to modify the photo, defocus some areas, obscure details, and often brighten colors.

One of the things that has always fascinated me about watercolor is how the simplest images often can be the most effective. That doesn’t necessarily mean they were simple to create, though some are. It just shows that complexity, unerring detail, and edge-to-edge focus aren’t a requirement for a pleasing and effective painting.

The biggest problem with loosening up is that most people, at least in my area, are more interested in photo-realism, especially when looking for car paintings and commissions. So, I’m walking a tight rope between the looser paintings I want to do and the photo-realism the public wants, i.e. sometimes I too paint what I get paid to paint.

Technically, I’m pretty straight-forward these days. In the past though, I’ve used a couple different, somewhat unusual techniques.

An example of Payne’s Gray underpainting

Early on I used a grisaille-type underpainting that I learned while using acrylics. I don’t see many people using or even talking about this technique with watercolors, but I found it quite effective. To do this I painted what most people would consider a value study with a very thin, watered-down Payne’s Gray. Once I had a good grayscale painting done, I added transparent color washes.

Since Payne’s Gray is a staining color and I kept it very thin, it didn’t lift when I added the later washes. If the underpainting was too heavy, though, it could have lifted and altered successive washes and made a real mess. I suppose any staining color can be used for the underpainting. But, a thin Payne’s Gray is nearly neutral, so the transparent colors laid on top are only affected in value, not color or hue. By the time I completed the painting, only I knew there was an underpainting layer.

An example of charcoal and watercolor

Another technique I had a lot of success with – and also learned while using acrylics – is using charcoal as an “underpainting.” This technique starts by doing a complete, finished charcoal drawing of at least the main subject if not the entire image. I spray one thin coat of workable fixative over the charcoal drawing. It might sound counter-intuitive at first. But, without the fixative, you’d have a mess when you started adding watercolor washes.

Anyway, after I let the fixative gas out at least a couple hours, I painted with watercolor as normal. I had to lay it on a little more heavily. But, with practice and patience, watercolor will soak through the fixative and adhere to the paper.

I haven’t used either of these techniques for a few years. These days I’m just using good old Da Vinci paints (mostly) in a fairly limited palette of ultramarine blue, cobalt blue, phthalo blue, permanent rose quinacridone, a warm and cool red, a warm yellow, yellow ochre, raw umber, burnt Sienna, sepia, sometimes manganese blue, and neutral tint or Payne’s gray. No, I don’t use a cool yellow because over time I found I just didn’t use it. My color mixes just never went that direction. So, now I just don’t bother.

Arches and Canson’s Moulin du Roi 140 lb. in cold-pressed and rough are my favorite papers. In the brush department, I’ve used everything from natural sables and squirrels and faux sables and squirrels to natural/synthetic blends and full synthetics. But, right now I’m really digging the super-cheap Snap! synthetics from Princeton. I’ve always liked a good amount of stiffness and spring. Snaps definitely cover that while also holding a lot of water/pigment.

Over the years, I’ve found that if I really wanted to get better, painting had to become an obsession. When I’m not painting I’m thinking about painting. The best advice I can give to someone just beginning with watercolor or any medium, or just wanting to get better, is to paint. Paint often. Paint every day. Paint something, anything, even if it’s just color swatches. The more you have a brush in your hand the more natural it will feel.

An example of a 5”x7” portrait painted during lunch hour at work

Actually, now that I think about it, color swatches are a great idea. Not only will they help with brush control and water control, you’ll also learn how each color looks and feels with varying amounts of water. I keep one of Da Vinci’s full-pan paint boxes at work and spend a few minutes before work and at lunch every day painting small 5”x7” and 8”x10” figures, portraits and landscapes. It’s great practice; it’s relaxing; and I’ve actually sold several of these paintings.

They aren’t always quick; most take two or three days to complete. But, many of them are good finished paintings, not just sketches.

That also brings up another great aspect of watercolor; you can set up and clean up in a couple minutes making it easy to paint on a moment’s notice. As for me, some days those few minutes at lunch might be the only chance I have to get a brush wet – and that makes all the difference.

Anthony Billings Instagram Blog Facebook Tumblr Society6 Doodlewash

#WorldWatercolorGroup - GUEST ARIST: "Fueled By Fascination" by Anthony Billings - #doodlewash My interest in art started as a North Carolina kid fascinated with comic books. I spent much of my early teens trying unsuccessfully to emulate the comic artists of the day.

[thedoctorwhocompanion]

Gareth Kavanagh, Vworp Vworp!‘s publisher and one of its driving forces (alongside Colin Brockhurst), wanted me to do an alternate cover for Vworp Vworp! #3 based on our mutual favourite Dr Who Weekly back-up strip, Black Legacy by Alan Moore and David Lloyd. I have a general rule that I don’t work for fanzines because I think they should be an opportunity for amateur artists to get a public platform (though the Internet has superseded that). However, I’ve known Gareth for more than 20 years as a collector of my work and, more importantly, a close friend. Many is the time we’ve talked late into the night of the merits of those monster strips hidden away like some dark secret in the back of the comic. Whilst the Doctor took centre stage opening the comic, the Daleks, Cybermen, Ice Warriors, Yeti, Silurians, and Zygons benefited from the abilities of some of the 1970s finest creators.

My cover was to be based on a famous Two-Fisted Tales cover drawn by Harvey Kurtzman for E.C. Comics in the 1950s. Gareth knew I was a huge E.C. Comics fan and laid the bait well.

Initially, the plan was to draw a wraparound cover much like Martin Geraghty did for his Business As Usual Autons cover, but time and work transpired against my plans. I wanted the front cover image to show Cyberleader Maxel framed by the Apocalypse Device whilst the back cover was to include the Cybermen’s spacecraft in the shadow of the Black Colossus of Goth! It had all the makings of an epic picture but The Power Of The Daleks got in the way. I was working with Martin on the animation and just couldn’t find time to devote to my cover – in fact, I believe I tried to excuse myself from cover duties, but Gareth said he’d rather wait as long as it took, bless him.

In hindsight, doing it as a single cover worked in the homage’s design favour. I read the original tale again and found the same reference that David Lloyd had used for the Colossus – Frantisek Kupka’s The Black Idol etching. I pencilled a rough layout on A4 photocopy paper leaving an approximate area for the title lettering. This was approved by editor Colin Brockhurst and I then enlarged the image in Photoshop before printing and lightboxing onto watercolour paper just blocking in the basic composition before setting out in earnest to properly pencil the cover. This took about 3 days, off and on, and was then inked using a variety of markers and black ink. I used a spatter brush for the multitudes of stars in the sky and included the Sontaran ship that descends at the end of the original story. Over many a beer, Gareth and I have mused on what happened next and how the Apocalypse Device escapes the planet in the Sontaran ship, imagining me drawing it! After inks had been scanned in, I coloured the cover in a very contrasting palette under the impression that Colin might attempt to ‘age’ the cover like an old comic. I had said that I felt these faux aged covers had been overdone recently but left the option on the table.

Colin mimicked the same typeface used on the Two-Fisted Tales cover, which I thought worked beautifully. I hand drew a small credits plate that simply said ‘ Salmon after Kurtzman’ to acknowledge the source.

#gallery-0-5 { margin: auto; } #gallery-0-5 .gallery-item { float: left; margin-top: 10px; text-align: center; width: 25%; } #gallery-0-5 img { border: 2px solid #cfcfcf; } #gallery-0-5 .gallery-caption { margin-left: 0; } /* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes/media.php */

Looking again at the E.C. Comics issue, Colin noted that they had employed circular host images to introduce readers to the contents of their comics. Colin suggested we might incorporate this idea even though technically they had only been used on the horror comic books, not Two-Fisted Tales. We decided that the golden Dalek Emperor, Alan Moore, and Colin Baker would be our imaginary hosts. I created these as a separate artwork that was dropped onto the cover as a layer by Colin. I wanted them to be titled “The Emperor”, “The Writer”, and “The Doctor”, but Colin preferred to name them after the contents for commercial reasons, which made sense.

The final printed result exceeded my expectations and I’m planning a limited edition A3 poster – details soon. This was just one of four wonderful projects I worked on in 2016 – Doctor Who Magazine’s The Stockbridge Showdown #500 celebratory strip; the return of my signature strip, The Cybermen in a two-page instalment in a DWM Cyber special issue; and of course shading all Martin’s glorious drawings for The Power Of The Daleks animation.

However, returning to my favourite Doctor Who monsters, the Cybermen in the strip and cover probably was the icing on a glorious year-long cake!

The Creative Process Behind Vworp Vworp’s Black Legacy Cover Gareth Kavanagh, Vworp Vworp!'s publisher and one of its driving forces (alongside Colin Brockhurst), wanted me to do an alternate cover for…

[doodlewash]

My name is Jill Gustavis, and I’m originally from Pittsfield, Massachusetts but my husband and I moved over the NY border to quiet Stephentown in 2016. Since that time, you could say my daily exposure to the country and job at work have helped me reprioritize my art.

I’ve been artistically inclined and encouraged since childhood, but I found myself doing less and less art as I made my way through school. I mostly worked with pencils and oil through high school, and acrylics afterwards. I’d still really enjoy it when I did create, and sometimes the works were incredibly encouraging for being few and far between, but I still couldn’t find time.

Now fast forward to college, and my years earning a degree in Interior Design because I was one of many people under the perception that Artist, as a job, was a ‘dream job’, so I picked something ‘professional’. Now, I still pull many useful things from that degree, even though I don’t work in that field anymore. The most important being perspective and illustration techniques, but also a working use of Photoshop and some color theory. I was very basically introduced to watercolors during those years and even completed the renderings for my thesis project using Sakura’s Koi colors. I’ve had basic art instruction in a few areas, i.e. open ended art studio, drawing and composition, and interior rendering, but no extensive instruction as to how to really use the materials available, nevermind master them.

After trying to work in the Interior Design field after college (circa 2008, right when the recession happened) I was relieved to be laid off and had an excuse to freelance as an illustrator and graphic designer. Freelancing was a great change of pace, but ultimately I didn’t enjoy the assertiveness and discipline needed for self-employment at the time. A year or two later, in 2011, I started at the company I now work for, Lymphedivas. We make fashionable medical grade compression garments that treat lymphedema (sleeves and handpieces). In a way, this is where my journey back into painting starts.

I loved school, I’m a smarty pants at heart, and when it comes to art, I like assignments. After working my way up from a Production position, to Junior Designer, to Art Director, I now illustrate patterns based on a set collection of ideas. Yes, I am responsible for helping come up with said ideas, but then I have a timeline to get them done. A deadline is the surest way to be productive for me. Many of these patterns I create with watercolors on paper and then manipulate them to fit the garments in the computer.

Every time I would start a new painted design at work, my inner artist would rejoice and tell myself, “See, you love this, you should do this more at home!”. I would get all excited to get home and paint, only to get home and be exhausted, make dinner, watch TV or read, and go to bed.

Jump to 2016 and we were planning on moving to a more relaxing country area, I was doing lots of art at work, and something clicked. I felt more motivated to do art at home, and I followed through not once, or twice, but consistently. I started an Instagram account for my art that March. I invested in artist-quality paints and brushes. I made time. Now, a year and a half later, I’m still amazed at what I’d been missing all that time I didn’t pick up my brush. But I’ve also learned not to beat myself up about it, I wasn’t ready, and I let it go.

Now, I’d say I regularly paint, but I don’t always have a smooth studio session. I developed into quite the analytical thinker during those years away from my paints and sometimes this is a good thing as an artist, and sometimes it’s not so helpful. For one, and I think a lot of beginning and seasoned artists can relate, I struggle with the “what’s my style?” question a LOT.

The ‘how’ and ‘why’ of painting seems to have an immense philosophical weight. At work I paint what the pattern needs to look like, very straightforward. At home I can do ANYTHING I want, and that’s a bit crippling when you like to over analyze your options.

I also enjoy doing a little of everything creative. In addition to watercolors, I spend time doing photography, sewing, knitting, calligraphy, acrylics, carving, furniture restoration, interior organizing, and gardening to name a good range of interests. I don’t do some of these things regularly, but occasionally working the brain in areas related to painting is like Crossfit for your creative juices. That and I don’t end up making myself hate painting, forcing myself do it when I don’t want to. Instead I come back excited, missing my paints.

I enjoy the change-up the most after I do a lot of visual thinking or painting at work, I can come home and attempt to carve something, knit, work on the house, or anything that involves making something with my hands and intuition more than thinking.

At the same time, the large repertoire means my choices aren’t just limited to painting when I find an hour or two. I love learning about Leonardo da Vinci, he was the master of doing a little of everything. I do wonder if his brain felt a bit permanently scattered? Maybe I should make a magic 8 ball or an origami fortune-teller to make those decisions for me.

When I’m painting I’ve found, simulating the focus of an assignment, I have to trick my brain. I have to just jump in. My favorite way to do this, is to look through a portfolio of printed pictures I’ve taken, pick one, and paint it. I’ve painted some of them many times and each one looks completely different.

I also scroll through my phone photos, but then it’s easier to get distracted by Instagram or pulled into Pinterest. When I’m really lucky, I get to paint from life. Although, with my two cats, bringing flowers and plants into the house doesn’t happen anymore because they like to eat them, or at least knock them over.

My style ranges all over the spectrum from detailed studies to loose gestural sketches. When I became more focused last year, I followed a lot of botanical painters like Anna Mason and various botanical societies because my style using acrylics is very realistic. As time progressed, honestly, I got a little bored looking at only perfect renditions all the time and I started including looser artists like Angela Fehr, Thomas Schaller, and Eudes Correia. I have to really concentrate to do loose work, but most consistently, it ends up mostly realistic with some extra contrast or soft edges. My sense of perspective usually gets skewed too, still working on that.

Now, instead of saying I’m going to do a painting in a particular style, I just paint the subject however I’m feeling, then look to see what I like, what I learned, and what I’d do differently. Maybe in 10 years I’ll have a better answer to that question, maybe not.

My favorite subjects to paint are flowers, hands down. I love the organic shapes and tonal shifts, bright colors and endless variety. Most of my work is flowers, and I’m sure that will increase as I work to add a flower garden to our property in the future.

Other favorites are architecture, glass, and highly contrasting landscapes. There’s something highly satisfying about painting a subject with interesting shapes, colors or textures. I’ve had more fun painting tiny etched vases than full blown roses. I’ve come up short and bored, halfway through a highly repetitively detailed subject enough to know they’re just not for me, at least not in a detailed manner. I favor variety and contrast, I think it adds interest not only to your work, but also your practice. Sometimes looking for something truly moving to paint handicaps my sessions though, and I just end up being too picky and don’t paint anything.

When I can’t decide what to paint, only have a short amount of time, or I’m avoiding having to decide on anything, I’ll do color studies. Yay! A good outlet for my analytical brain. I can sit and swatch out colors for an entire day, and maybe come to one or two decisions, but enjoy the process the entire time. I’ve found the results of these romps is not always immediate, but they gradually build up an understanding of the materials I’m using.

On occasion, if I plan what the experiment is for, I’ll have more tangible results. For example, I received some samples of different papers from some lovely fellow Instagram artists, and since I really wanted to understand their properties as much as possible from that little sample, I made a plan. I took a look at what I usually paint, two subjects with different properties, and I decided that I do a lot of flowers and landscapes.

Painting the same flower, an iris in this instance, on half of each sample let me test how the paper took to soft blending and lots of detail. Painting the same landscape scene on the other half of each paper demonstrated how well the paper worked more wet, how fast it absorbed, and displayed the layered coats of pigment. It worked beautifully and I still have the swatches to reference.

Color studies also include supply explorations. They are not tests, but explorations, because I really do get that excited about them; it’s an adventure into the unknown! I also possess some Daniel Smith dots cards, and after playing around making pretend palettes, I’ve been known to write-up and recycle enough “potential new supplies” lists to make my own watercolor paper. Maybe one out of every handful actually gets saved for consideration when I do add to my supplies. My most recent exploration resulted in completing my translucent warm and cool primary options. As I tend to get muddy quickly, I’m hoping I’ll be able to scale back the heaviness of some of my work and learn the benefits of glazing.

Because I have a hard time making decisions on most things (especially exciting things like art supplies), I’ve mostly stuck to one brand of paint so far. I have one tube of M.Graham, but the rest of my artist paints are Daniel Smith. I enjoy the wide range of foundational and novelty colors that they offer, and like I said, the access to dot cards to try out paint colors instead of guessing has often hooked me once I see and feel a new color. Brush choice still eludes me. Like my assortment of pens, I switch from one to another as my mood changes.

I do enjoy the softness of squirrel, as well as the soft spring of sable. I use both in natural and synthetic options. For natural, I’m currently in love with my sable pointed round and squirrel mop from Rosemary & Co. out of England. For synthetic, I’ve started using the Neptune and Versatil series from Princeton and Escoda respectively. I’ve enjoyed all of them for different reasons too. The world of artist papers is still new to me and I know it’s taboo, but this was the last thing I upgraded. No one will ever convince me that cellulose paper doesn’t still have a place in my studio, but as I spend time and learn to work with the new, more absorbent cotton paper, I’m less frustrated by it’s unfamiliar behavior.

At work currently I have on hand: Strathmore 400 Series 140lb CP paper, Koi tube colors and my personal Black Velvet Squirrel brush. The paintings I do for designs are not for display or long-term use, so light-fastness is not an issue. I may upgrade the supplies as needed and as I learn more about them personally and see what would benefit my workflow there. I believe the pros and cons of supplies is a fluid subject, everything has it’s place and I’ve dug out supplies I’d hidden away in disappointment, only to fall in love with it using a new technique, or having changed my preference.

Excited to use those lovely supplies, I often get hung up on what to paint. I’ll make very extensive and thorough lists of potential projects, styles to try, experiments, etc. I’ll write them down with gusto, thoroughly excited to try them out the second I get a chance. Only I read through them as I sit down, and still feel unmotivated by these previously exhilarating ideas. A lot of times it comes down to it being after work, I’m tired, and I don’t want to start something. Other times it’s a roadblock I have that prevents me from creating anything I can’t envision a use for. If I can’t see it hanging in my house, and no one asked for it, then why am I painting it? I jokingly call it my KonMari syndrome. Like I said, I have to trick myself into painting anything sometimes.

This is where work comes in again. I enjoy having assignment-like focus when I paint. This no hesitation painting is most beneficial when I’m in a rut at home, and it makes me physically remember I like painting. Like running, I know I’ll feel good once I get out there, and starting is not always easy, but once I physically feel the high kick in, I remember why I like running and it’s easier to jump in the next day. I’ve tried doing the Doodlewash prompts, but I think I’ve only done one since last July… I’m setting a personal goal to try and do the 31 in 31 challenge this World Watercolor Month. Maybe I’ll make a gallery just for them on my portfolio site just to hold me accountable.

To make it even more confusing as to why I find it hard to paint, some of my work pieces are also the most rewarding. This is especially true when I have to paint something I’ve never painted before. I then get to research it (yay!) and do studies, and learn how to paint something new. I push more personal boundaries doing the wide array of painting styles at work than I ever have at home. I’m really excited right now, because I think I’m just starting to really understand the knack of water control, timing, and layering on my current work project.

The other really positive influence my professional work brings is the effect it has on the world. I’ve always wanted to do something that benefits society and when I did Interior Design, that was possibly designing environments that help people live better. Now, I create art that makes the very uncomfortable condition of lymphedema more bearable and less stigmatizing. My grandfather, who owned his own mechanic garage, once told me that he never hated going to work a day in his life. He may have meant he enjoyed working for himself, but I’d like to think a lot of that satisfaction is doing something you find purpose in too.

The long and short of it is trust your intuition, you’ll arrive at your destination when you’re ready. I’m still toying with the idea of selling and showing my work. I’ve done a few personal commissions, but I’m endlessly researching what would be the best route (web & paperwork/taxwise). I also contemplate how I want this new aspect to fit in with my already busy life.

I’m happy with where I am now. I may have took the roundabout route to get here but I’ve learned a lot about myself in the past few years; how what helps you create balance is constantly shifting, and to have patience with everything including yourself.

So, I paint when I can, I post when I can, and the only reason I finally got my website up and running was because Charlie offered me the opportunity to write this post and I thought, “Since I’m editing images, I should probably do those too… “. Chalk one up for deadlines!

All Lymphedivas patterns were commissioned by and are the property of Lymphedivas, LLC and have been shared here with expressed written permission.

Jill Gustavis Website Instagram Work Website

GUEST ARTIST: "The Long And Short Of It" by Jill Gustavis - #WorldWatercolorMonth #doodlewash My name is Jill Gustavis, and I’m originally from Pittsfield, Massachusetts but my husband and I moved over the NY border to quiet Stephentown in 2016.