#forgot to add that i do physical therapy twice a week

[ratisnotcrying]

Juno Steel and how to pretend you’re fine

Summary: Juno hasn’t had a bad day in a long time. Okay, maybe he has, but not a bad-bad day, not a self-sacrifice-and-gun-fights bad day, not a what-if-I-crash-my-car bad day. He especially hadn’t had an I-need-to-hurt-myself-and-I-don’t-care-who-I-take-with-me kind of bad day.Except today. Today felt like all of those wrapped into one and multiplied by a thousand.

Prompt: “What if I just crash this car and make it all stop?” from prompt-dealer (i think)

Pairings: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel 

Warnings: canon typical suicidal thoughts/ suicidal tendancies, mentions of car crashes, intrusive thoughts, previous minor character death

Word count: 1.6K

A/N: this is cross posted on ao3 - please lmk if i need to add any tags 

~~~

Juno hasn’t had a bad day in a long time. Okay, maybe he has, but not a bad-bad day, not a self-sacrifice-and-gun-fights bad day, not a what-if-I-crash-my-car bad day. He especially hadn’t had an I-need-to-hurt-myself-and-I-don’t-care-who-I-take-with-me kind of bad day. 

Except today. Today felt like all of those wrapped into one and multiplied by a thousand. 

The old Juno would have given in. He would have entertained the idea for all of no time at all and then dived in head first with his eyes wide open. Juno-now (he wasn’t a new Juno, he was just… now, here) still entertained the idea, hell, he might even wonder why he wanted to do whatever it was. But he wouldn’t do it. Probably. 

He definitely wouldn't hurt someone else, no matter what he did. 

~~~

It had started after the last job, which had gone quite spectacularly wrong. 

Juno and Peter hadn’t gone in expecting an easy job - stealing a painting off the wall of a crowded ballroom was obviously going to be difficult - but that had gone off without a hitch, had gone off easier than the last time they did such a heist. No, the real issue came when a different thief had tried to steal a vase and gotten caught. It wasn’t even a nice vase, definitely not nice enough to die over. 

It had turned into a messy hostage situation, Juno’s HCPD training and his own career as professional hostage kicking in as he tried desperately to find a way to get everyone out. 

You can’t save everyone, Juno.

Three civilians and the thief had wound up dead, and more injured than Juno’s guilt ridden brain could count, and by the time he and Peter were back on the Carte Blanche, Juno could barely speak for the shock of what had happened. Neither Buddy nor Peter said anything when Peter debriefed with no input from Juno. 

Buddy did, however, decide to put off selling the painting for a little while, giving everyone some time to relax. This is where Juno’s bad day had started. 

~~~

In the timeless limbo between jobs, it was easy to lose yourself: Rita in her streams with Jet; Buddy and Vespa in their wedding plans, and Peter and Juno in each other. Juno couldn’t help the feeling he was losing himself alone. 

He knows he should have said something to Peter, or Rita, or even Vespa if he was desperate, but he was too busy trying to convince himself had it under control. 

His mind had been racing in loose circles, chasing empty thoughts and half-memories of every time Juno had fucked up, every time he had let someone die, every time he had almost let someone die. 

Benten. Yasmin. Alessandra. 

His head felt heavy with it, weighing him down into a feeling he thought he had long forgotten, numbing him so he couldn’t feel his way out. All he could find in the mess was the handy how-to he had written himself. 

How to pretend your fine when you absolutely, totally are - by Juno Steel

~~~

He had been doing a good job, if he did say so himself. Even if he and the rest of the ship knew that was a lie. 

Rita had been hovering more, not smothering him, just letting him know she was there; Jet never mentioned when Juno came and sat silently with him for a few hours, handing him tools when he asked. Buddy had outright told him that if he wanted to talk then she would always have time, ‘always, darling, just say the word’. Even Vespa had been a little nicer - their typically aggressive banter becoming more like a strangely aggressive therapy. 

And Peter. Peter was Juno’s anchor. He always was. 

But he could only pretend for so long.

~~~

Tonight, Juno wanted to drive - being inside was not helping, and so, from one moment to the next, Juno found himself behind the wheel, Peter in the passenger seat. It was late and Juno couldn't remember what planet they were on anymore. 

The car’s single head light shone dimly on the road in front of them and Juno stared blankly through the windshield, muscle memory alone stopping him from crashing. 

He used to do this, he used to drive for hours, let his numbness fill the car till he forgot he was driving and drifted mentally, drifted physically… 

He wanted to drift today. He wanted to feel weightless. 

The repetitive splashing rounds of the wheels sent Juno spiralling again, an endless list of people he had failed circling through his mind over and over and over again and goddammit he couldn't think, couldn't breathe, he needed it to stop, even if just for a second.

“What if I just crash this car and make it all stop?”

~~~

Peter had noticed the shift in Juno immediately after the job. He had seen his smiles become more strained, his eyes were hazy and unfocussed, movements slowed - as if he was drifting away, moving through a time Peter wasn’t quite in. 

He stayed close to Juno, and when Juno suggested a drive, Peter thought maybe this could be a good time to talk to him. But Juno had said nothing. They had been driving for hours. The suns had set and Juno didn’t seem to be heading home anytime soon, so Peter was about to speak, about to ask Juno what he could do. 

“What if I just crash this car and make it all stop?”

Peter was silent for a second, not quite sure he had heard Juno properly. Juno didn’t even seem aware that he had spoken aloud, nor did he seem to remember Peter was even there. He’s almost certain that the car was speeding up. 

“Juno, can you pull over please, love?”

The car swerved slightly, Juno startled at Peter’s voice, and Peter reached out and grabbed the wheel, pulling them back onto the road, “Juno, you need to pull over.”

The car slowed and, after what felt like a lifetime, came to a stop, a small cloud of dust flying up from under the wheels. 

“I- I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I should be fine.” Juno’s hands were gripped tightly on the wheel in a way that could have only been painful.

“Why don’t we get some fresh air, and then we can talk?”

Slowly, even slower than in the past week, Juno climbed out of the car and sat with Peter on the bonnet, staring up at the sky. 

“I should be fine,” he said again, “I’ve been fine and now… and now I'm not fine!” Juno choked on a sob. God, he hated being vulnerable. 

Peter considered this for a moment, “I know this is going to sound cliche, dear, but you don’t have to be okay. You’re allowed to be sad and angry, and-”

“But I am always angry, Nureyev. Always. I am angry at myself because I keep letting people get hurt and get dead. I’m angry at my mom and I’m angry at every goddamn person I meet and I don’t even know why half the time. There’s just- there’s just rage, and I can control it, better than I could before, but I dont- I dont know if I want to anymore. I just want to let go.”

“Why can’t you let it out, Juno?”

“I’ve done that before. Blind rage is how you get got,” Juno very carefully didn’t look at Peter when he said, “Letting go is how… letting go is how I nearly got myself. I’ve come so close to leaving this place, finally getting some damned rest. I don’t know what kept me here.”

Peter tried not to be too shocked at the almost wistful tone Juno used - they could talk about that another day, for now Peter just prompted, “You’re still here?”

Juno laughed humourlessly, “Yeah, that’s because I always got stupid lucky, and one day that’s gonna bite me in the ass. It was always other people getting got, never me,” He laid back against the windscreen, legs kicking softly at the bumper, “God, I’ve killed so many people.”

“Did you, though? Did you kill them all or did you blame yourself for not being able to do the impossible? Did you blame yourself for not being able to save every single person you met - a task which, I might add, is quite impossible, love.”

He shook his head and kept staring at the stars, looking for answers in the constellations. Peter laid next to him. 

It was a few minutes before Juno broke the silence, “Can we stay here a little while, before we go back?”

Peter would’ve stayed there all night if that’s what Juno needed. 

“Would you tell me a story, Juno? Maybe about someone you saved?” 

Reluctantly, Juno began to tell Peter about an eccentric real estate lawyer and her exploding, tuna-brick-loving cat, absently tracing patterns on the back of Peter’s hand. 

They laid there for almost an hour, but the cool night was interrupted by Peter’s comms beeping twice, signifying a message. 

Is everything okay darling? You’ve been gone a while.

As good as it can be right now. We’ll be back soon. 

“Who’s that?” Juno mumbled sleepily, his gaze shifting to Peter. 

“It was Buddy. Perhaps we should head back to the Carte Blanche.”

Juno nodded, sliding off the car but stopping short halfway to the driverside. 

“Would you like me to drive, dear?.”

Juno looked like he wanted to protest, like he wanted to tell Peter that he wouldn’t actually crash, but instead he just nodded and tossed the keys over the car. 

~~~

Peter knew that they would have to talk properly, they had to talk about Juno trusting him and the rest of their family; they would definitely have to talk about Juno’s allusions to his… more self destructive tendencies. For now, though, Juno dozing on his shoulder, the night road leading them home, would be enough to put both of their minds at rest for the night.

[prorevenge]

Bully my sister? Enjoy the most miserable day of your life and a few months of therapy.

Some Information before we start: (long story, tl:dr at the end)

I was interning at a local wilderness camp as a counselor in training. It is run by a local group of conservationists who aim to teach younger kids (ages 5-11) about nature, wildlife, conservation, etc. As a counselor in training, I was basically a counselor except I wasn't paid. Each camp session lasted Monday-Friday. Each day has a specific purpose as follows: Monday was introductory day. Tuesday was activity day. Wednesday was hike day. Thursday was lake day. Friday was talent show and pick up day.

The whole ordeal started during my third week interning. During this particular week, my sister was attending the camp as a camper. At the time, she was 10 and I was 14. She got a great price at the camp ($150 for a full sleep-away camp from Monday-Friday) due to my internship and my mother's great relationship with the camp director (more on that later). During this same week, I also had the (dis)pleasure of meeting the most horrible child I have ever met. We will call him SLS, or stupid little shit.

My first taste of SLS's antics was no sooner than five minutes after arrival when he interrupted my sister's game of frisbee and flung the frisbee deep into the woods. I had to go fetch it, and I got more than a few scratches from digging through nasty little manzanita bushes to find it. My sister immediately approaches SLS after he threw the frisbee, and being the innocent person she is, tried to inform him what he did was mean. He spat in her face. This was the beginning of SLS's week from hell.

After getting a talk-down from a counselor, SLS was seemingly unfazed, except for the fact he made it his goal to ruin my sister's camp experience. During the course of the day, he spilled lasagna on her outfit during dinner, called her an array of insults ranging from "fat" to "stupid cow" to "poor little bitch". Finally, he violently tackled her to the ground during a game of ultimate frisbee. Make no mistake, SLS was 11 years old, around 100lbs and a head taller than my sister. It was so bad that my sister came crying to me at the end of the night and said she wanted to go home. While this was not an option (my mom had already left for a girls-trip in SF), I promised her I would make sure SLS would stop bullying her.

The next day, SLS continued to treat everyone like shit, and continued to single out my sister. Unfortunately, he was not in my assigned group, but he apparently tripped her twice, threw her fishing rod into the nearby fishing pond and splashed her in the creek. When he got back, he was incredibly smug. Apparently, the counselor in his group made no real effort to stop him, only rapping his knuckles each time then continuing to let him bully my sister. That night at dinner, I gave him his first taste of revenge by forcing him to talk with me during the campfire and causing him to miss out on s'mores and dessert. While it was small, I was still focused on formulating my master plan of ruining SLS's week. He also called me a cunt.

The next day was Wednesday, or hike day. I started preparations the night before by specifically requesting that he and my sister were separated AND requesting to be in his group. Now, as a counselor in training, it was my job to stock the packs with lunches the night before the hike. I put the sack lunches in every kid's pack, making sure one pack had an especially nasty tuna sandwich. I also "forgot" to add the fruit and cookie. I marked it by buckling all the buckles together,

On the morning of hike day, I gathered my group and distributed all the packs, making sure SLS got the one I had rigged. We marched into the woods, with me pointing out different kinds of trees and whatnot until eventually we stopped in a meadow to eat lunch. Of course, SLS threw a massive fit when he found out about his lunch. He suspected it was me due to our talk the previous night, but I claimed no wrong doing, and due to my good relationship with the camp and his previous wrongdoings, nothing was made of it.

Anyways, we arrived at the camp later that afternoon, and he started demanding me I take him to the dining room because he was starving (he didn't touch the sandwich). I calmly explained to him that I couldn't because I didn't have a key to get into the kitchen (I did). He started throwing a temper tantrum, loudly cussing in front of the rest of the group with kids as young as five years old. Bingo. Later that night I brought my case to the camp director, and with some gentle prodding, I convinced her he was unfit to spend time with the rest of the group tomorrow at the lake. Instead, he would sit out and wait - with me.

The next day was the fabled lake trip, and the reason most people signed up for the camp. We loaded up into a school bus and a few vans the next morning. Once again, I was on pack duty the night before, and I conveniently misplaced a few items in his pack, which was specially labeled this time. When we arrived at the lake, the entire group settled down on a nice spot on the beach. Due to a staff shortage, I was left alone with SLS. I started by choosing a terrible spot away from the main group in the heat of the sun. it was mid july at the time, and I think it was about 88 degrees. He had not brought a hat, and despite me offering, refused to use any sunblock. While the rest of the camp enjoyed the lake, he sat there with me, overheating in the sun for five straight hours. He didn't help himself by wolfing down his sandwich almost immediately. I had brought my phone (counselor privileges), but for him, he had nothing to do but play with the sand. By the end of the day, he was bright red like a cherry tomato, and fuming about the lake trip. In fact, it got so bad he started saying really dark stuff, like how he was gonna gut everyone at the camp. I managed to record this on my phone, and later that night I showed the recordings to the director. Obviously, she was horrified, and contacted his parents immediately. They said they could not make it until the next morning, which was perfect, as it meant he had to spend a night with me in my private bunk (he was deemed to be a hazard to other campers and thus removed from his bunk). That night I slept directly under him and stayed up until well past midnight making loud annoying noises. He was also in pain from his extreme sun burn. When he complained in the morning I claimed i talked in my sleep, and that was that.

Finally, the icing on the cake was him being publicly shamed when his parents arrived during breakfast, pulling him out in front of the entire camp. The director and I went to his parents and I explained all the terrible things he had done to my sister over the week. The parents seemed rational enough and explained to me he had a history of behavioral issues. I recommended therapy due to his comments about slaughtering the camp, and they said they would consider it. Later I was informed by the director, through my mother, that he was in fact sent to a weekly behavioral therapy class for a few months. The next two weeks on interning went without a hitch.

TL;DR Evil kid physically and emotionally bullies my sister, causes her misery. I return the favor by causing him ti be a hungry, sunburnt and tired wreck by the end of the week. He also goes to therapy.

(source) (story by k155l35)

[buckitybarnes]

Midnight Train - Bucky x Reader

Summary: Two strangers catch a late-night train. One runs away from life while the other is simply coming home. The two confide in each other, because sometimes, two stray dogs can relate better than anyone else.

Warnings/Themes: Profanity, fluff, angst (if you squint), reader is technically married. 

Author’s Note: This is kind of a “wow I woke up at 2am because of a dream. I should turn this into a story or something.” Enjoy? Has not been checked for fluency/errors. 

Y/N = Your Name

Buy Me a Ko-fi?

“If you could describe your life in one word, what would it be?”

Ah, Jacie, ever the party-goer. It is a good thing that you took French in high school.

“C’est ennuyeux,” you reply, holding your half-emptied wine glass.

She smiles politely. “I’m sorry?”

Knowing full well that she (nor ninety percent of the party) spoke French, you give a guarded smirk. “I’m doing absolutely fantastic. So one word? Fantastic.” What was one lie to this materialistic dame? She didn't give two shits about you. None of them did. They only spoke to you because you were the wife of some philanthropist.

How boring.

Staying here in Chicago was becoming a chore -- a hell, even. Your marriage? Dying.

Some nights when your husband stayed downstairs and you went to bed alone, you’d weep yourself to sleep. It was no way to live a life. In fact, you didn’t even know the first thing about philanthropy or being rich.

You’d come from a small town, bumping into your husband by accident while running errands. He’d won you over with his good looks and charming demeanor. When you moved in with him, however, you soon realized how little he cared about you. Of course, he never hurt you -- not physically or verbally. However, his haughty personality and his need to show you around like some trophy-wife were becoming too much.

He expected too much from you.

Whenever you’d fought with him, he’d buy you expensive jewelry or dresses to ease the tension. It never worked.

You feel that slowly, the spark behind your eyes died out. Sooner or later, you’ll join these stuck-up, emotionless robots. All you would care about is money and fame.

“Darling,” you husband calls, snapping his fingers to wake you out of your trance.

Like his lapdog, you turn when beckoned.

“Sorry, what?”

He laughs charmingly.

Oh, how you hated that stupid laugh. It was fake. It didn’t hold any real emotion.

“You seem tired, get some rest for tomorrow.”

One last chance, you think. Tomorrow was the fourth charity event he’d drag you to this week.

“Actually, babe. I was thinking...maybe we could skip tomorrow? Just tomorrow. I was hoping to spend some time with you, you know?” You smile hopefully, setting your wine glass down to hold his arm. “I missed you.”

“I’ve been by your side every day,” he sneers, clearly unhappy about your suggestion.

“And yet you barely even talk to me.” You sigh, screwing your eyes shut to avoid crying in frustration. All you wanted was to revive that initial spark you had with him. “Could you at least come to bed with me tonight?”

Your husband smooths out the sleeve of his white suit. He looks around, noticing that there were a few stragglers tonight. Well, their host certainly couldn’t just leave them.

“Get some rest,” he repeats more sternly. “I’ll be up in a few.”

But of course, you know that he’ll be down here for another three hours.

-

You’ve prepared for this day.

At first, selling whatever jewelry or clothes you didn’t need was just a way to keep money in your savings account. Eventually, putting so much up for sale gave you enough to buy a small house if you really wanted to. Add that up with whatever you had before meeting your husband and you had enough to travel the damn world.

You place an envelope on the nightstand and throw on your backpack. There was a letter for your husband stating you needed some time away -- that everything in Chicago was draining the life out of you. He couldn’t make you stay, not that you think he would try to. Perhaps he’ll pick someone else up on the streets. Maybe they could live this life. But not you.

-

You don’t know where you’re headed off to, but you don’t care.

Even stepping foot out of the mansion gave you a sense of utter joy. You felt so free out here. The people outside give you odd looks, wondering what is up with your attire and travel pack, but you pay them no mind. You plug in your earbuds to listen to one of your favorite songs and walk down the driveway. You were sick and tired of the classical music your husband put on 24/7, not that you minded it. It was just repetitive.

It was a cold night in Chicago and you’re well-prepared for it. After stepping out of the cab, you pull your tight-knit cap over your head, laughing mirthfully at the sight of your breath. Others may think that you had gone mad, but there weren't many out tonight anyway. Besides, You haven’t felt cold since you were back home. Your husband always made sure you were warm, keeping you in the car or in the house when it got chilly. He insisted that a sick wife would be a horrible hostess.

To hell with him.

You decide to buy a ticket all the way to Philadelphia, thanking the exhausted seller along the way. It was a random choice. You’d just chosen whatever you first saw on the screen and ran with it. You wonder if it’ll be nicer farther east. Surely, it was at least more lively than that lonely mansion in Chicago.

You choose a seat in a nearly empty car, wedging your pack between yourself and the window to deter thieves. Sitting in the same car was an elderly couple and a family of five. It was better to be safe than sorry anyway.

The ride is six hours.

Six hours full of thinking and checking your phone that blows up with angry text messages. Some were from your family members, worrying and wondering if you needed therapy for running off. You ignore them, however, and dismiss their worries with an aloof ‘goodbye.’

Pulling out your laptop, you create a word document with a loose plan.

You compile a list of places you could go and where jobs were hiring. You pick out anything and everything that catches your eye.

And then the clearing of a throat startles you.

You realize that the train has stopped so people could get on and off.

A man with shoulder-length brunette hair and a boyish smile looks down at you.

“Mind if I sit?”

You close your laptop warily, taking a quick survey of the car.

The elderly couple was still here, but the family had left. Only one or two people, excluding this man, had gotten on.

“Uhm -- why?” you ask sheepishly, clearly suspicious of his intent.

“You’re in my regular seat,” he teases, a lopsided smirk on his face.

One quick scan sends a shock of recognition in your mind. This guy was an Avenger.

What the hell is he doing here?

Shaking the thought away, you gesture to the seat beside you. Who were you to tell off a national icon? He was a hero to many, including yourself. Back when you were a researcher, you followed his case once or twice, not that you would tell him. “Sit then, you big baby.” You smile a bit to show him that you were joking.

Once he’s beside you, you immediately tense up.

He smells like charcoal and sweat. With a quick glance, you realize that the shirt peeking out from underneath his hoodie is stained in red.

You’re too occupied that you don’t notice him staring back. He wonders if you recognize him, and if so, as the Winter Soldier or as Bucky Barnes?

“You could’ve at least gotten cleaned up before joining me,” you mutter, tearing your gaze away. “I get that you’re a superhero and all, but jeez, you smell like crap.”

Bucky lets out a surprised laugh, running a hand through his hair. “So you do know me,” he murmurs. “Well, you sound like my biggest fan.”

“Are all superheroes this arrogant...or?”

The skin around his eyes wrinkle and he grins in amusement. “Fame gets to our heads sometimes. Don’t be afraid to knock me down a peg or two.”

You open back up your laptop and roll your eyes.

Why he chose to bother you, you’re not sure.

“Trust me, I will.”

-

An hour passes and Bucky slowly coaxes you out of your shell. You’ve long since put your laptop away.

Thankful for the lack of people, you prop your feet against the back of another seat, turning only slightly to talk to him.

By now, you’ve told him where you came from and why you left.

He neither agreed nor disagreed to your plan (or lack thereof), which you were grateful for. He simply wished you luck and told you that he’s glad you left such a shitty situation.

“You know,” you start, plopping a potato-chip into your mouth. Bucky raises an eyebrow, waiting patiently for you. Once you’ve swallowed, you rest your chin on your hand, propping your elbow onto the armrest. “I met Tony Stark once at a gala last year.”

“Really?” He’s genuinely curious. “Was he as horrible to you as he is to the rest of my team?”

You laugh, shaking your head. “No, no. In fact, he tried to save my ass before I even realized I hated my life.” You remember the night so clearly. You remember Tony and how awestruck you were about meeting such an important figure. If there was one thing you were grateful for, it was for that event and encounter. “He offered me his card when my husband wasn’t looking. Told me to find him if I ever got tired of the prissy life and wanted to use my brain for more important things.”

“Like?”

Your mentally slap yourself. “Oh man, I totally forgot to mention.” Never had people in your life actually cared about your interests or your background. The attention always revolved around your husband. It was only natural you left out details when talking about yourself. “I graduated with a biotech degree. I researched under Doctor Helen Cho when I was in grad school.”

“No fuckin’ way,” Bucky says. You were impressive and full of surprises, he’ll give you that. “That’s awesome! Why didn’t you call him up?”

“Well, first off, I threw away the card.” You shrug. “I kind of took it as a joke. I also didn’t wanna bother him. He’s a busy man.”

“Very,” Bucky agrees. He accepts your answer for now, and instead, pulls your attention over to another topic.

-

After a while of exchanging stories and memories (good or bad), Bucky stops talking and instead stares at you in contemplation.

“Yes?”

He jolts in surprise, apologizing for spacing out. “I was just wondering…”

“About…?”

“Cho did say that she could use another assistant in the lab…” he draws out, a smirk on his lips.

“False advertising will get you nowhere. I know the security risks of being anywhere near the Avengers.”

“A life of danger is way more exciting than keeping a routine.”

Well, now he was just using your plan against yourself.

“And how do I know you're not just some freak from a comic convention, cosplaying as one of America’s finest heroes?” You point to your backpack. “And that you’re not just trynna capture me for ransom or somethin?’”

“I’m gonna set aside that you think of me as a ‘fine’ hero, and ask: you really think people could look as tough as me?” he huffs “you wanna smell the blood on my jacket? I guarantee it’s authentic"

“Oh, dude, I’ve been smelling it since you came up to me.” Your nose scrunches up in disgust and he copies you, feigning irritation.

He self-consciously pulls his hoodie down to cover his blood-stained shirt.

He was the real deal, and you knew it.

“trust me, in New York, you can start fresh. It's not like anyone gives a shit about you there.”

“How reassuring,” you smirk.

-

Your eyes peer over to the screen as the train screeches to a halt.

“That’s our stop,” you announce, nudging him over.

He gets up and offers you a hand, nodding his head. “Yeah, I guess so.” If you didn’t know any better, you would say that he’s disappointed to leave you.

He wonders if he should get your number. No, that was probably weird. You’d just met him. He was a stranger, even if you knew about his title. Still, when your smile drops, he can’t help but think that you’re disappointed in leaving him.

The stop in Philly is hot and humid and Bucky urges you to take off your hat. You do so and he helps stuff it into your backpack. For a moment, he lingers in front of you, unsure of what to say.

It was strange, really. After spending six hours, you knew more about him than you knew of your husband. He leads an interesting life, one that you’d be down for if you weren’t so chicken.

“This is it,” he chuckles nervously, jerking his thumb toward the ticket booth. “I should go buy my ticket. I really hope you find what you’re looking for.” He smiles wholeheartedly, his metal hand around your arm feels warm, despite its usual temperature. “Please stay safe, okay?”

Still in a daze, you remain silent, nodding your head. When he waits awkwardly, you can only say what comes to mind, which isn’t much to start with.

“You too. Stay safe out there.”

The embarrassed look of realization on your face causes him to bark out a laugh. He turns on his heels, starting for the booth.

He really hopes to see you again someday. Maybe he’ll ask Stark to try to reach out to you.

-

The wait for the next train is awfully long, so Bucky decides to grab coffee first.

It was back to the grind, it seems. Tomorrow, he’ll probably be sent out for another mission.

He sighs in exhaustion, taking a sip of the bitter liquid.

“I should’ve gotten her number,” he grumbles to himself.

He feels someone poke the back of his jacket and he feels sorry for whoever touched it. It was probably riddled with disease. He had to pull it out of a stranger’s car after the mission to cover up the crimson on his shirt.

“About this job opportunity,” a familiar voice calls out.

Bucky turns in shock, eyebrows raised.

You’re somewhat of a mess, most likely from running around and looking for him. You pant slightly, trying to catch your breath as you look up in nervousness.

“How late do you think is too late to apply?” you ask, juggling your weight from one foot to the other.

He sees a ticket to Manhattan in one of your hands and tries to ignore the burst of excitement in his chest.

Without asking, he pulls your backpack and hauls it over his shoulder, nodding towards the platform. Come with me. It doesn’t matter, he wants to say. Instead, he breathes out a content sigh and chuckles.

“Never too late so long as you show ‘em how badly you want it.”

When a look of confidence flashes across your face, he guides you along. For once in his life, he’s thrilled about a new change.

This could be good.

For the both of you.

[timeoutforthee]

Like It or Not (Chapter 6)

Summary: Logan, Patton, Roman, and Virgil are all struggling in their recovery. Their doctors, Thomas Sanders and Emile Picani think they can help each other out.

Aka Group Therapy AU

Trigger Warnings:  mentions of calorie counting (no numbers), mentions of disordered eating patterns

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Why did human beings need to eat?

It was such a simple question, one that had such an obvious answer, so much so that people usually didn’t give it a second thought. Humans needed to eat, because food served as fuel. That was a fact.

Logan lived for facts. He found comfort in knowledge, in knowing certainties. He knew, logically, that if he kept denying his body food, that it would eventually stop running. That’s what science said.

But when Logan looked at food, he didn’t see fuel. He didn’t think of taste. Instead, they were covered in numbers, which all flowed together in a never ending math problem he couldn’t solve.

“What do you mean by that?” Dr. Sanders asked.

Logan groaned. He was so good at explaining science, but when it came to feelings, he was hopeless.

“I know calorie counts, and I know how many calories I can burn by doing certain exercises,” he responded, “And every day, I strive to keep the input and output at an even zero.”

“Why?”

Logan paused. He...hadn’t really thought about it.

“I...I just have to.”

“What do you think would happen if you didn’t?”

Truthfully, probably nothing. Probably he’d gain a few pounds and stop having issues with his physical health. Probably he wouldn’t need to come to therapy anymore. Probably he could go back to being normal. And all that sounded like what he wanted. Yet, when he thought about a world where he stopped counting, it made a sudden surge of panic rip through him.

“Not an option.”

To all the world, Logan is earth. He is grounded and stable, something unshakable. Nobody sees the fire within. He made sure of that.

It burns. The passion, the rage, it all boils deep under his skin. He tries to soothe it with cold, hard facts. He doesn’t want to scare people. But sometimes he even scares himself. He crushes his feelings because he thinks, if he doesn’t, they might just take over.

Is that what they’re doing right now?

Because, really, jam should not be filled with this many emotions.

There was nostalgia, sure. He can remember making his own peanut butter and jelly sandwiches after loudly announcing to his parents that they weren’t doing it <i>right</i>, it needed more <i>jelly</i>. He can remember setting the jar by his homework, rewarding himself with a spoonful after particularly challenging problems. All positive, innocent memories, if not a bit childish.

He had pulled the jar out of the cabinet unceremoniously. This was a simple task, which would add up to an overall more positive experience, and it was one he had completed as a child. Surely, <i>surely,</i> he could do it. It was normal, it was a normal snack, and he was a normal person who was going to eat it normally.

Right now.

Except half an hour had passed and his spoon was still empty.

Logan sighed angrily and rubbed his hands down his face.

The worst part was that he didn’t understand. He was the smart one, the one who knew all the facts, the one who knew all the answers. So why couldn’t his brain just <i>realize</i> this was what was best for him and <i>do it already?</i>

“Logan?”

He glanced toward the door.

“Oh. Hi, mom.”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m eating.”

She glanced at the table, specifically at the still closed jar and the clean spoon.

“O...kay?” she walked over to the jar, picking it up, “Mind if I take a bite?”

“Sure.” <i>See it’s so EASY-</i>

But before he could finish his thought, his mom flipped the jar over, looking at the Nutritional Facts. She wrinkled her nose in disgust before setting it down.

“Eugh. Never mind,” she said.

His mom left the room, completely unaware of the damage she had done. Logan tried to fight the urge, he really did, but he couldn’t help it. He flipped the jar over himself. He knew the number on the back, knew the calorie counts of so many foods he was surprised his mind had room for anything else.

Groaning, he tore the label off. Fine. He still had time, he still had a week to do this. He could do this.

^

“Roman! Get out of the bathroom already!”

“Just a second,” he grumbles, scratching at his hands under the water. It’s practically boiling, and his hands are stinging, but every time he pulls them out, it’s like he can see the grease covering his hands.

“You’ve been in there for twenty minutes, come on!”

Roman glances up. Had it really been that long? He glances at the clock on the wall. Oh. Oops.

Reluctantly, he flips the water off and dries his hands. They’re red by now, and the skin is sensitive.

He had told his mom, with a little too much enthusiasm, that he would be joining them for dinner, and no, he didn’t need a seperate meal, he’d just have what they were having. Looking back, he really should have asked what it was first, or paid more attention. Because it was Friday, and Friday meant his brother Alex was coming for a visit from college, and Alex always wanted pizza. Extra large, greasy, cheesy pizza.

Roman opens the door and finds Alex standing there. He frowns.

“I thought you were taking a shower? The water was running.”

“Yeah, I was washing my hands.”

“You were washing your hands...for twenty minutes…”

“Yes,” Roman says, indignantly, but he doesn’t have a defense.

“I mean, okay, weirdo,” Alex pushes past him and Roman heads to his room.

He takes a deep breath. Okay. So it was kinda a disaster. So he had to take a napkin and try to soak up the grease. So he had to cut the pizza into tiny pieces. So both of these things made him take twice as long to eat as the rest of his family. So he kept catching his parents giving each other <i>looks.</i>

He had done it. He did it, and it was over.

Suddenly it hit him. It wasn’t over. This was the first step. It would keep going. And it was just going to get worse.

His stomach lurched and he slapped a hand over his mouth. He leaned his forehead against the wall of the hallway. He tried taking a few deep breaths, like Dr. Picani had shown him.

“Roman?”

“H-Hey mom,” He said, turning his head, and taking his hand away.

His mom narrows her eyes, “Everything okay?”

He smiles, but its strained, “Yep! Peachy!”

She nods and walks past him, but stops and turns around.

“Oh! I almost forgot! How did you like dinner?”

“It was great.”

^

“I had dinner with my family,” Roman tells the rest of the group.

Dr. Picani frowns. Roman has been uncharacteristically quiet this session. He makes a small note to bring it up later, either in the next session or during their individual.

“That’s good, right?” Patton says, looking at Dr. Picani with uncertainty out of the corner of his eye. A new grey sweater is wrapped around his shoulders, offering a comforting weight. It wasn’t a onesie or a crown, but it was something.

Dr. Sanders had been right. It <i>was</i> hard for Patton to reward himself, partly because he didn’t think he deserved it because normal people could go shopping all the time, partly because Patton was, honestly, kind of the worst person when he was shopping.

He didn’t mean to be. But all the shame bubbled to the surface, and he had to constantly wrestle with it in his head to try and keep himself from breaking down in dressing rooms. Sometimes, he didn’t succeed and ended up on the floor, sniffling while his mom hovered outside.

That was also the worst. His mom didn’t deserve Patton’s anger, but she’s the one who ended up with most of it. This shopping trip had been no exception. So when she showed Patton the light grey sweater, and had him feel how soft it was, instead of trying it on he had wrapped it around his shoulders, and called it a day. It wasn’t a onesie or a crown, but it was sorta like a cape, and that was fun, so it counted, right?

“Absolutely,” Dr. Picani said, brightening, “Unless there’s something more you wanted to discuss regarding it…?”

Roman shook his head, silently.

Virgil looked from Roman over to the therapist, a hint of concern on his face. His hood was up, like always, but the bangs were a bright purple and hung in his face.

He had tried to do it himself,but he ended up frozen with all the supplies set out. He didn’t want to stain anything, so he had tried to cover everything, but then he had wasted so much aluminum foil, and what if he stained the towels, also his hands were shaking so he was destined to fuck up, and if he fucked up everyone would be able to tell oh <i>God-</i>

“Are you dying your hair?”

Virgil jumped. He hadn’t even noticed his aunt in the door.

“Uh, I was, but I won’t stain anything, I swear-”

Violet snorted. “Yeah, sure, good luck with that.” Virgil paled and she mentally smacked herself, “You know, I used to dye my own hair. I could help you. If you wanted.”

“Help…?”

“Sure. Did you get bleach?” Virgil nodded and gestured to its place on the sink.

Violet grabbed a pair of plastic gloves from under the sink and pulled out the brush.

“Alright. Let’s do this.”

Virgil still wasn’t sure what to make of his aunt, but he had to admit his hair looked a lot better than what it would have if he had done it himself.

“Alright, Roman,” Dr. Picani said, before turning to Logan, who was also silent this session, “What about you, Logan?”

Logan’s arms were crossed in front of him, and he was staring at the floor. He took a deep, shaky breath.

“I failed.”

“Thank you for sharing how you feel, Logan, however, I would challenge you to take a different approach in how you view it-”

“How I <i>view</i> it? I am <i>viewing</i> it very clearly,” Logan snaps his head up, “I had the simplest challenge, doing something I enjoy, and I couldn’t do it.”

“Did you try?”

“Of course I tried, do you know how many hours I spent staring at that stupid jar?”

“The fact that you even considered doing this shows that your dedication to recovery. Isn’t that a positive thing?”

Logan can hear the tiny child inside him whine <i>“No. It’s not enough. I wanna be better now!”</i> but he takes a deep breath, allowing him to silence it.

“I suppose.”

“But?” Dr. Picani prompts.

“But...it’s not good enough.”

“So you feel like what you’ve accomplished-and, though you may feel like it wasn’t much, you did accomplish something-wasn’t enough. Does that in turn make you feel like you’re not good enough?”

Logan blinked, caught off guard. Emile smiled.

“Those degrees on the wall aren’t just for show, Logan, I am in fact a very educated man.”

Logan pointedly looks at the desk behind Picani, where he’s set out figurines of Spongebob and Patrick.

“A very educated man who isn’t <i>boring.</i> But anyway, we’re getting off track. We were talking about your self worth.”

Logan groaned. He could have sworn they were just having debates about cartoons. What happened to that?

“I suppose my self worth could be better.”

“Care to elaborate on that?”

“I just feel like I, as a human being, have a very specific purpose, but I constantly fall short.”

“So is it possible you just have a different purpose?” Virgil asks.

“No,” Logan says, immediately. Virgil quirks an eyebrow.

“When Virgil made that suggestion, how did it make you feel, Logan?”

<i>Anger shame embarrassment panic-</i>

“It didn’t make me feel anything,” Now Roman is raising his eyebrows and Patton is looking at him in concern, “It doesn’t make me feel anything, because it isn’t true. I know my purpose, I know my place, and I fit neatly and effortlessly into that place. I just need to work a little harder.”

“Hm,” Dr. Picani says, “So, unfortunately, I think we’re running a little low on time to fully discuss this. Instead, I have a challenge for next session.”

Logan relaxes slightly until Dr. Picani speaks again.

“Guys, this world is full of infinite possibilities. Every choice you make could lead in a completely different direction. Heck, coming here has significantly changed the outcome of your future. I want you think of three ways-just three-that your life could turn out. Three different goals.”

“...you want us to write aus for ourselves,” Virgil deadpans.

“Yes!” Dr. Picani cries, pointing his pen at Virgil, “This will give you guys encouragement. It’ll show you that there are so many options for you without your eating disorder. It will also help you see what goals you want to accomplish.”

“But I <i>know</i> the single thing I want to do,” Logan says, “I don’t need to know the others.”

“Awww, come on, Logan,” Patton says, “It’ll be fun!” he gasps, “You could be a scientist or a librarian or a teacher-”

“Teachers don’t make any money-” Logan cuts himself off. Whoa. He sounded like his father there for a second.

“Well, in a future where money wasn’t an option, what would you do?” Dr. Picani says, “Obviously, that’s something we, as humans, need to address in the real world, but when you’re reflecting on what could be, you won’t be held to those limitations. And with that-” he shuts his notebook. “Dr. Sanders will be with you next week.”

^

It is four in the morning.

Logan is sneaking down to the kitchen. The smallest bit of light is hanging in the sky, even though the sun isn’t there yet. The world is quiet.

He only turns on one light, the one in the kitchen. He is trying to cause as little disturbance as possible.

He once told his dad that “midnight to four doesn’t count.” His dad had responded “what the hell does that mean?” He had shrugged, but what he really meant was that there was a kind of peace you could find in the early mornings, something you couldn’t quite grasp during the day time. He used to have a bad time of staying up at night, gazing at the stars and enjoying the invisible hours, but once he realized that wasn’t conducive to healthy sleep schedule, he stopped.

But now, here he was.

He pulled the Crofter’s jar out of the fridge. Half of it was gone, eaten by his parents. He popped the jar open.

He took a deep breath.

He tried to remember what Dr. Picani said. How even if he couldn’t do it, making the choice to try was important. Even if he failed-no, even if he couldn’t do this today, he was still making progress.

He grabbed a spoon and scooped some up. He hesitated for only a second before he finally took a bite.

The flavor filled his mouth. This was, easily, the most flavorful thing he had eaten in months. It was sweet, and had the perfect combination of fruit flavors.

He swallowed and realized there was a lump in his throat. Was he...He wiped his eyes and realized, yes, he was actually crying over eating a snack.

But, somehow, he was too proud of himself to care.

[life-of-khanoor]

July 6, 2021

I never ended up posting my April draft because I had more to say and think about but I just forgot about it because during such a traumatic moment in my life I decided the smart thing to do would be to add more stress to my life even though I never even dealt with the first stress. 

It all came crumbling down. All of it. 

Moral of the story: Take care of your mental health because if your mental health isn’t in order then no matter how much time and energy you pour into everything else - it won’t matter. You need to be okay internally for your external to be okay. 

I don’t know where to start. But I’m going to be more consistent with these journal entries, because I have decided to start therapy. I started therapy that was offered at my school in November of last year, but the therapist was only available every 3 weeks and she agreed my problems needed more consistent time to be dealt with. So in December I stopped any form of therapy. In late March to early April, all the truth came out. All the ugly, hideous truth about my past came out to my significant other at the time. I told him that the person he was feeling so insecure about for the 1st year of our relationship, was not my best friend but actually my ex-boyfriend and someone I had been hooking up with while we were together. This ugly truth only came out after his truth came out which was that he also was indulging in some form of cheating not physical, but through the exchange of pictures. Honestly, I wasn't expecting it at all. Which made me realize, he’s actually a really good liar. This made me start thinking about how I could trust him as he goes into dental school with so many females around him. It was driving me insane. Still does from time to time but I just remember that whatever happens, well, God willed it. 

Anyways, instead of dealing with the issue, I had a more pressuring matter at hand. The MCAT. The bane of my existence came knocking on my door when I could least handle it. But I had to go in head first because if I didn’t take it now, I would not be able to apply to medical school this cycle, and if that didn’t happen I would be wasting another year of my life and I would be a bigger pile of uselessness. My family already thought of me as useless and wasting their money and if I didn’t take the MCAT, apply to medical school, and get in - I would be proving them right. Well, from May to the end of June I began my grind, I was putting in 8-10 hours a day of studying. I was trying by absolute darn hardest to get it all but 2 weeks before my MCAT, the anxiety hit me in the face. I was waking up every morning with anxiety attacks, the day before my MCAT I woke up and had a panic attack and was crying and was not okay. I honestly still don't think I am. I started therapy but I’ve only gone to 1 session and I unloaded so much past grief and trauma like it’s all so much that’s happened. And I’m trying to get back into it but honestly I’m not ready like clearly I’m not I feel so manic. Through this depressive period in my life (which is still happening but to a lesser extent now that I know I’m holding onto something I need to let go of), I can say for a fact that my “boyfriend” has not in  been supportive. If anything, he's made it worse. But thankfully, I met this amazing girl who’s been so supportive even though she has her own issues. I really feel like God send her to me. So if you’re reading this god, thanks for that. 

The MCAT didn’t happen. Day before my MCAT I realized I couldn’t do it, I wasn’t ready - not in terms of my prep and not at all in terms of my mental health. That night the boyfriend that I cheated on, who decided to stay with me because of the “goodness” in his heart, unloaded all his hatred, resentment, and angst toward me. This mixed with my own feelings of failure and uncertainty ended it for me. I could not handle it. I could not do it, I could not. I had all this hate for myself pent up. I tried killing myself. This wasn’t the first time I tried or thought about killing myself in the past month and a half. I wanted to end my life, I can’t handle it anymore. It all hurts so much I feel so lost all the time. I feel so empty. Like the shell of a person. I feel alone. And this person man, this guy just isn’t worth it. You know you spend 2 years of your life with someone, they become so ingrained in you, so intertwined with you and you think this is meant to be because you can’t see it working any other way right? But it’s nothing but pain anymore. It’s just a constant reminder of everything bad. Even if now I’m not that person anymore like it’s not possible to live it down. And he thinks it’s possible. God I fucking feel so suffocated with him. I feel locked up. The whole time he stayed with me during my MCAT prep, he made it feel like he was doing me such a huge favor, and indeed he really was but it was because he wanted to be there, I didn’t ask him to be there for me. I was ready to leave, that was the only option that even seemed in any way viable. It’s not like I do better with him around, if anything this whole relationship has been my lowest productivity. But he insisted on staying, and I regret letting him. For fucks sake I cheated on you not once, not twice but probably 5 times, what makes you think we’re meant for each other. We’re not. We had something good. But I ruined it. We keep trying to hold onto our past relationship, what WAS good. But what’s good right now? What? Is there any good right now? You might think it because I’m pasting this smile onto my face because you’re starting dental school and moving to NYC and I don’t want to be a Negative Nancy. But nothing is good. God fucking nothing. I don’t even ENJOY talking to you anymore. I get anxious because I think you’ll judge me for this or that. I’m walking on eggshells with you. I talk to you and I feel the weight on my shoulders getting heavier and my heart feeling weaker. Just because YOU think you’re there for me, doesn’t mean you’re what I need. I can’t even talk to you honestly. I can’t talk to you and feel like I can’t be 100% myself. I feel so scared to even say things anymore so I don’t say them. God you’re not my boyfriend, I don’t even think I’d consider you a friend. There’s no love here. There was. But there isn’t anymore. I listen to our songs and feel nothing. I look at our pictures and I feel sad. There’s nothing between us anymore. You're just hurting me more and more and more. And now I’m here every other day contemplating suicide, like what do you want from me damnit what do you want? It feels like you just wanna suck me dry until there's nothing left. Something with such a bad bad history, could never be something good. Not now anyways. Not after such a fresh deep wound. I need to heal and he does too. We're not together because we love each other lol, we’re together because we’re comfortable here. It’s familiar. But he's about to start the rest of his career in a different city and I need to start the rest of my life without my past weighing me down. So it’s over. 

Ending this relationship is probably going to be the best thing I’ve done for myself in a really really really long time. I can already feel the weight being lifted off my shoulders. Maybe all the praying in the middle of the night, waking up with panic attacks, imagining myself dead, maybe this is what it all came down to. Maybe I needed to rid myself of this before I could move onto greater things. God really is the greatest of planners. 

I feel so light after getting all this off my chest. I genuinely cannot go another day with this in my life anymore. I think that all this time, all this mental hurt and anguish has been an inner fight with myself. The struggle because I was ready to grow but I wasn’t willing to let go. 

[sizzlingcrusadebouquetfan-blog]

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Do i have to have a motorcycle license to get motocycle insurance?

Do i have to have a motorcycle license to get motocycle insurance?

Why do I have to get car insurance?

Insurance guy lied, my fun sporty little 04 Mitsubishi eclipse gt (5 speed manual v6) was actually going to be $200 more monthly than he said it would be. It was fun to learn how to drive it. But now it's as good as gone (parents were helping with the insurance). Who's to blame? Why do I have to deal with insurance goons to start with? Couldn't there be a better way? In a slightly more perfect world what theoretical system would cut out the goons?""

Do you believe in any type insurance ? why ?

what is advantage and disadvantage of insurance ?

Why does Allstate keep increasing my insurance rate?

I am 26 years old, in California. I have had Allstate for almost 2 years now, and every 6 months my rate increases. It went up $200+, and I have not had any tickets/accidents/claims, and I have not moved. When I asked them about this, they just said they are adjusting their rates due to zip code. Seems like bologna to me. Has anyone else had this problem? Which insurer do you recommend?""

Auto insurance involuntarily cancelled?

I got a new auto insurance begining June. And I had an hail damage and hit and run case towards the end of June. On July 30 there was an accident, other person involved was at fault as he rear-ended my car. I reported all these occurances. I get a involuntary cancellation of the auto insurance policy after a couple of days. They sent me this notice and also made me aware of the right to dispute this with the State commisoner for Insurance. Now, when I go shopping for new insurance, I get an increased premium quote. None of the reported claims are my fault and I do not know if I have to dispute this case with the commisioner for insurance or not and not sure how much money I have to spend towards it. Please advice what to do in this situation, thank you in advance.""

""What percentage of your net income should you spend on all your bills including mortgage, car, insurance, etc.""

Live in New York, just about to buy a house and am wondering what other people are spending on all their bills as compared to their salary. I'm figuring about 55%-60% of my net ...show more""

Cheapest car to buy and insure for teen?

so iv just passed my driving test im 17 me and my mum are going half on a car and insurance what is the cheapest car to buy and insure for a girl

How much is a male 17 year old new driver going to have to pay for car insurance?

How much is a male 17 year old new driver going to have to pay for car insurance?

Do I need a valid driver's license to have auto insurance?

I got pulled over by a cop the other day, and he asked for DL and insurance. I lost my DL along with my wallet months ago and I haven't had the time to go to DMV and re-take the test. Anyway, I showed my Texas ID and insurance and he said without a DL your insurance is not valid. They're pretty much just eating your money. So he gave me 3 citations: No DL, speeding, and no insurance. The ticket said if I had insurance at the time I got pulled over to show it to the payment window and it will be dismissed. I wanna know if I should do that or is the cop right and I'm completely done?!! Any good answers would help. BTW this was in LaPorte, Texas.""

Which is a feature of permanent insurance?

Which is a feature of permanent insurance? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It provides protection for a specific period. It includes an investment component. It is relatively low cost.

Someone explain car insurance to me!?

Basically im helping my boyfriend look for cheap car insurance...The cheapest we found is on the co-op website BUT, having a little issue with costs and things. Basically it gives me a deposit amount of 500 then it gives me a monthly instalment of 250 and then it says how much in total it is. By the total though it says that there is interest of my credit charge of 200, what does this mean? that its been put in with the total amount/deposit or do i have to pay extra for it? if i do have to pay extra for it do i have to pay that monthly or all in one? SO CONFUSED!""

Do I need to tell the insurance agent?

I am in Oregon, and still switching things over from being in California. I'm planning on getting Oregon car insurance. I'm living with my cousin's family, and her daughter has her drivers permit and likes to practice, so she drives my car with me in the passenger seat because I'm over 21 with a license. I hadn't thought of this before, but should I mention this to the insurance agent for my new car insurance? Or will I just get charged extra fees?""

Do you buy the car first then get insurance or the other way around?

How could you get insurance if u don't have a car to fill out the car quotes info like millage, make, year, and so forth if u did not buy the car as yet?""

How much does your car insurance cost?

How much does your car insurance cost?

What is the Cheapest Insurance?

Hi. My dad has been having AAA as his insurance for $82, compared to our other family members insurance, that is pretty over priced. Isn't the insurance price supposed to go down if you didn't violate anything over the year? And also, i am 16, and have my license, i basically have my dad's old car so he needs to get me into his insurance. What is the best insurance for me and him together? I know Im a minor and the insurance is going to go up but what is the cheapest insurance or best insurance for both of us? My dad wants to switch if ever we find a good deal?""

Why is car insurance so high?

it it fair if you do not have good credit you have to pay more for car insurance i dont think it is right i have clean driving record

How much for a 17 year olds car insurance with a sports car?

Hi im 17 and im wondering about how much more would it cost if i went from a sedan to a sports car?

CT Insurance for small business?

Hi everyone, My father and I own a small company and we now both work full time for our company and we would like to get health insurance. My father indicated in the past he read some information that you can get a discount with state insurance if your company makes less than X amount of dollars per year...We can't seem to find this information. Who should we call in CT to get some answers or maybe someone already has information. Any help is greatly appreciated. Many thanks!""

Financing a car & insurance?

I'm 21 and I'm located in NYC the insurance over here is sky rocket high. I paid 1600+ for liability insurance for a old lexus from GEICO. I am asking my uncle to help me finance a 2006 bmw 530i which is about 32k and I already check if I finance under my name how much it would be. It is 10k for insurance a year lol... So I want to know if my uncle finance the car for me and I make the payments does he have to add my name under the insurance ? I don't need my name to be the co signer. I just want to know incase I do get into an accident what will happen ? Most people use their parent's insurance so I just want to make sure and get some facts before I ask my uncle. Thanks

Motorcycle insurance?

I am looking at buying a road bike to save money on gas. i am 21 years old and have a good driving history. how much do you pay for insurance? I live in Michigan? do i need insurance? does it matter the size engine for different price insurance?

""On average, how much is motorcycle insurance?""

Let's say for instance I owned a road bike with 750 cc's, how much would insurance be? Or at least AROUND how much?""

""Any idea how much the car tax is on a vauxhall frontera,and is the insurance expensive?

is it much more than running the average car

Does getting married change your insurance?

I am currently covered by my parents health and dental insurance plan, but if I were to be wedded, would I no longer be able to use their insurance? I've been told that it changes, but I've also been told It is no longer like that anymore since Obamacare.""

What are some cheap auto insurance companies in Phoenix Arizona?

I have an older car it's a 89 Ford Crown Victoria and I do have 10 points with my current insurance company (Progressive).

Car Insurance...DUI.

does anyone have a 2002 poniac sunfire? with DUI? esimate of might that might cost?

Are there any insurance companies offering the minimum $200000 liability to Ontario residents?

I am 16 and looking to insure my 1994 Mazda mx3 2dr (not the gs edition) i read that the minimum required liability insurance was $200k for Ontario residents but i cant find any online quote offering coverage this low. (the lowest i found was Belair direct with $500000). If someone could please give me a hand with this it would be a great help to find some really cheap insurance. THANX

Do i have to have a motorcycle license to get motocycle insurance?

Do i have to have a motorcycle license to get motocycle insurance?

""Desperately need help/advice on Car Insurance - 18 years old, lives in Muskegon, Michigan?""

I am going to be getting a car soon from my mother, and I need to pay for the insurance on it..... and I don't know the first thing about car insurance. I am looking for by far the cheapest option, but one with decent to good coverage. I've heard there are certain companies that offer discounts if you meet certain requirements, so here are things that might make me qualify.... I think? 18 years old I've taken drivers training Part time job B+ Average Not dependent on parents Thanks in advance.""

""If a deer hits me, how fast can insurance get me a rental car?""

I have a 97 Ram 4x4, full coverage at geico (I'm on my parents insurance), $500 deductible. How fast can insurance get me a rental if one hits me, will it raise my rates, (I work 3-11:30 PM, and travel mainly back roads since there aren't many other ways to get home if it helps). I've been driving for 6 months.""

Car Insurance and good grades ?

I hate All state as insurance. I am in college, how high does my GPA have to be and also how much do they lower insurance for having good grades?""

Car financed by me with co-signer. Co-signer pays insurance?

I'm planning on purchasing a car with the help of my dad co-signing, since he has established credit. Can my father pay for the auto insurance (it'll be cheaper), while I own the car? In other words, can I get the car registered under my name with the auto insurance under his? Reason for this is to help me establish my credit also. Or should I forget all the idea and just have my father's name under everything?""

How much can i sue and get from car insurance for pain and suffering for $6000 worth of medicals?

How much can i sue and get from car insurance for pain and suffering for $6000 worth of medicals?

""I was hit by an uninsured motorist, and I have an uninsured clause in my car insurance.?""

My car was totaled out, and since my car insurance had a non insured motorist clause then I just have to pay the deductible, and they will cut me a check. I was hurt in the accident, and I wanted to know if my car insurance (Progressive) will also pay out pain and suffering. I am considering taking this guy to small claims court, but if I do then I have no idea what the outcome would be. IF my insurance offers me a pain and suffering settlement then should I take it? can I negoiate for a higher settlement? Everyone is telling me to take whatever is offered to me because the guy that hit my car didn't have insurance, and could possibly claim indigentcy in which case I would most likely never see the money. I can get a pain and suffering settlement from my own insurance, but I believe that the person that hit me should have to pay it, and I am also assuming that I would get more money out of him directly than letting my insurance cover the pain and suffering. This is my first wreck that I have gotten into, in which, I was the party that was damaged (almost died), and the other guy only received a ticket. I know that life is not fair, but like I said before, this is my first car wreck where I was owed money and the other person did not have insurance. Any information will be much appreciated. Thank You Very Much.""

What auto insurance company will give me a good price after lapsing insurance?

I had geico and my insurance lapsed. Everyone wants so much money now since i lapsed previously. Ive tried all the major companies. Does anyvody know of a cheap insurance that i can look into? Right now everyone wants around 7-800$ for 4 cars liability. Rediculous.

Will my insurance go up if my vehicle would be out of town?

Ok so i'm 18 and will be going to college 186 miles from my home in pittsburgh. I'm currently listed as a primary driver on my parents insurance. Will my insurance rates go up just because the vehicle would no longer be located at home? I don't believe it should because if i'm listed as a primary driver what difference does it make where the vehicle is located? Does anybody know if it would go up?

Teenage insurance for 2001 Ford Escape? 2002 Jeep Liberty?

I'm thinking about purchasing this car used for my 18th birthday. I have to wait until i'm 18 so I can be on my own insurance. But I have taken drivers ed, and I will be buying this car full payment in cash. So I'm curious to know what the insurance could be! I have tried to get quotes online. You have to already be insured and own the car...I have tried so many. I also am a female, so my insurance will be a little lower. I just really need to find out what it would be! I was also thinking of purchasing a 2002 Jeep Liberty, any insurance guess on that? Ford Escape is a better car, but i'm just seeing what insurance could be for both. Thank you so much!""

Full or Limited Tort with no car or insurance?

I was in a single car accident in March. My car is not drivable and I am donating it. I want to cancel my insurance on the car and my agent said that I would have a lapse insurance which would make it more expensive for me to get insurance in the future. I live in PA and also wonder that if I no longer have car insurance does that mean I have limited tort if I'm passenger in someone's car or get hit while walking. I'm currently driving my mother's car which is registered and insured in DE I have concerns as to my liabilty and hers if I were to be at fault in an accident in PA. Doing some research today has just made me more confused.

Would it really cost me a lot more insurance?

I have a 93 camry and I'm trying to look for a new car to replace it. I asked my insurance company about the cost of insurance for a 2009 honda civic EX sedan 4 door and it was 536 every 6 months. Researched that car more to find out it was in an accident so scratched that car out of the picture. I found a 2007 honda civic EX coupe 2 door and no accidents and i see nothing wrong with it. They are both EX but the coupe is older. Would the insurance be much of a difference?

Texas insurance companies offering insurance on rent-houses?

Where can I find a list of all the property insurance companies that offer insurance on rental property in texas?

How much would decent health insurance cost in the USA?

How much would decent health insurance cost in the USA for an elder person, say 65, who has no health history in the us due to being an immigrant? I am talking about the decent type of health insurance one gets when working for a fortune 500 company with low premiums and 20 dollar copays. ANy advice?""

""I just turned 18 years old, how much do you think i will pay for car insurance?""

i just turned 18 years old, how much do you think i will pay for car insurance""

Lapse in health insurance?

My husband is about to have a lapse in health insurance, for about 4 months? Reasons being, because I am pregnant, and no insurance company will cover an expectant father. We will be getting him covered once the baby comes. What are the reprecussions for having a lapse in health insurance? He has no pre-existing conditions and is very healthy.""

18 Year Old Male's Car Insurance?

Hi, I passed my driving test in September 2010. I've been looking at insurance quotes for small run arounds like Renault Clios, Vauxhall Corsa's, Volkswagen Polo's etc but cant find anything lower than 6000, and thats without evening paying another 1400 for the car itself ! I've been thinking about getting insured on my dads Toyota Corolla, its a 1.4 diesel hatchback and he's had his license for 30 years and his premium is 400. If i were to get insured on it the price would be 2500, do you think thats worth it or is it better to shop around and get insured on my own name ? I just want to use the car now and then rather than using it regularly because i dont really need to right now..""

Can someone have life insurance on me without my consent?

My inlaws are crazy. No not like wacky like mean, vindictive, you wouldn't believe it crazy. My husband purchased a sport car about 4 years ago, evidentially my inlaws started a life insurance / disability policy on him. The bill for some reason gets mailed to us, but they pay it. When asked about it they said they got it incase my husband killed himself in his car. Can you take out a policy on an adult, over 18 years of age, without consent? What is this Disability income on the bill that is separate from the Level Term life??? They are not in poor financial shape, his father is a doctor and they have an oceanfront home. I have everything situated for our family's burial arrangements. Thoughts??""

How does business insurance work in a lawsuit?

As a small business, I'm finally getting around to looking at business insurance. God forbid I should get sued, but that would be the only reason I would get insurance at this point. If I get sued (assuming I did nothing wrong that would terminate coverage), what are my responsibilities with regard to paying legal fees? What role will the insurance company play or what control will they have in the litigation process?""

Who really has the cheapest car insurance?

its gotta be cheap

Where is the best place to get life insurance quotes?

i am trying to get life insurance quotes but it is so many places to look. could someone give me a good starting point

How much is motorcycle insurance at 15?

I know it cant be pin pointed, how much does it cost you annually? Even if you are not 15. What bike is it for? I want a 2008 Hyosung 250 cruiser.""

""I need some cheap car insurance. I have a 2005 suburvan, a 97 chev pickup and a 97 mercury tracer.?""

I need some cheap car insurance. I have a 2005 suburvan, a 97 chev pickup and a 97 mercury tracer.?""

Questions about car insurance?

I need to make a change regarding my car insurance but I am not sure what is considered being dishonest. I got the policy through an insurance agent and i think the below factors are what is causing it to be a little high. 1. I live in my mom's house at the moment but I pay rent to her. On time/every month, it's non negotiable. Am I ok to say that I rent? 2. I have had my car for two and a half months and have never driven to work. It just seems like a huge hassle to wait in traffic and pay high parking rates. However the agent put it down that I drive to work and for pleasure. If I choose pleasure only would that lock me into really never ever being able to drive to work? I did an online quote with the same company that I have now (Progressive) and put in rent and drive for pleasure only;it came out $40 cheaper. I'm just not sure if I'm being dishonest. Thank you!""

How do insurance companies verify the adress you use for your car insurance is your actual adress?

I want to get my car insurance in a different state see how do car insurance companies know that the address and provide is where I live. And if I get caught what is the penalty

Can I get my own insurance while employed?

My company lowered are insurance benifits. Can I buy my own insurance if I find a better deal?

Do i have to have a motorcycle license to get motocycle insurance?

Do i have to have a motorcycle license to get motocycle insurance?

How does car insurance work?

im sure this is a really dumb question, but dont know the first thing about car insurance. I'll be 19 next month & i'm going to get my license before this month is over. I've had my permit for almost 2 yrs now & just been waiting to get money saved up for a car & insurance. I'd like an SUV but i've heard that it costs more to have insurance on an SUV? is this true? Are there any specific cars that are better [meaning less expensive] to get insurance on?""

Cheap damage car insurance?

Hi, Does anyone know a reputable company that is providing reasonably priced minor damage car insurance cover?""

My insurance adjuster wont give me enough money for my car repair?

A guy hit my car and his insurance said my car is worth less that what it really is the damage for my car is worht $3000 but they will only give me $2200 for it also on the evaluation report they made they said my car was in a worser condition than it really is. What can I do to get what i deserve? i don't want to settle for less

Can a convicted felon obtain a licence to sell insurance?

I am a 33 yr old female in Texas with a federal coviction. Can I obtain an insurance license to start my own business? I have been selling insurance for the past 3 years and I would like to open my own franchise. Is it possible, if so where/how can I start?""

Do out of state residents need California SR22 insurance if they dont go back to California?

I am a permanent resident of AZ and have an AZ drivers license. While visiting California I had a DUI. I settled out of court but an insurance broker wants to sell me a California policy. Do I need California SR22 insurance if I don't plan to return to California? Is there any benefit?

Am I covered by my dad's liability insurance?

I just got my license, but my dad says I can't drive his car because I don't have insurance. The car itself has liability insurance under his name, but he says I would need liability insurance before I can drive any car, even if it's just once in awhile. That doesn't really make sense to me, to have car insurance even though I don't have my own car... Is he right? If I were to get in an accident in his car would it not be covered by his liability insurance? Thanks in advance.""

Got myself a little old ford fiesta 1100 i am over 25 learner driver which is the cheapest insurance firm.?

Got myself a little old ford fiesta 1100 i am over 25 learner driver which is the cheapest insurance firm.?

Got a dui an i need some insurance whats the law can i drive some ones car if they have insurance or what can?

Got a dui an i need some insurance whats the law can i drive some ones car if they have insurance or what can?

How Much Will My Car Insurance Be?

I am a 21 year old male with a very clean driving record, no DUI or tickets etc. Buying a 2004 Honda Civic DX 4D Sedan used for $11,000. What's the cheapest full cover car insurance out there for a guy like me? Any suggestions?""

What do I need to do for self employed medical insurance?

I am 43 I am married. My hubby has medical and I'm on his policy. He has retirement. I will be on his retirement. But he is 44 what happneds to me being self employed, if something should happen to him. Will I still get his retirement money? Will I still be covered medical? I am looking at an IRA account at the local bank next week. I have only been self employed for 5 years. I have worked for an employee up until now. I need help. I need to plan for the retirement years. Thank you for your time. Plus we both have life insurance incase of death. If he goes first I'll have money to pay for the house. But what then? By the time I'm too old to work how will I buy things?""

Insurance quote changes?

hi recently i have been looking for insurance for my car that i have purchased. i have recived a quote of 2500 on a 22/01/10 last week, 4 days later the quote has changed to 3000? i have been using go compare.com, y the sudden change? i havent changed nothing since my first quote so i do not understand this change ps i am 17yr old who has purchased a mk golf 1.4s hence high insurance price thanks in advance""

How much would insurance be for a 18 year old driving a lexus is300 with 150000 miles on it?

How much would insurance be for a 18 year old driving a lexus is300 with 150000 miles on it?

Can you cancel your car insurance?

I will be selling my car, and still have 4months left on a 6 month insurance..they have my bank account""

How much will health insurance cost for a 21 year old with no preexisting conditions?

I never had to pay for health insurance (part of family benefit package) so now I'm thinking of getting one. How much will it cost? I am healthy, work in an office (not dangerous), attend university (are there student discounts?), I am athletic,,, the only health issue my family has is that my dad is diabetic (but he got it when he was around 50 so i don't think it's heritable)] How about LIFE insurance?(the ones that don't have ending period ) approximate numbers will be appreciated.. thank you""

How can i get cheap car insurance insurance?

I live in london Age 17, just got my driving licence Ive got a 1.4 L diesel Fiesta 53 Plate Where can i get decent insurance, the cheapest i got was 5k, im only willing to pay 3k Idk if i have to lie to them, i just want insurance Any help??""

Why are insurance companies under the Obama health care plan allowed to not cover existing medical problems?

How is this making health care affordable? My physician wrote a letter stating I have no complications, but the letter BC/BS sent me was that under the Obama health care plan they do not have to cover my thyroid or anything related to it. I am a widow, unemployed for 1 1/2 years and pay for my own health insurance. Will you do anything to change or eliminate this health care plan?""

What companies can insure a Ferrari or Lamborghini?

Progressive, Geico, eSurance, all the crap didn't even list Ferrari, as its a specialty car. So who the hell DOES insure a ferrari? and how much does it cost annually? its a ferrari 360 modena convertible""

Universal Health Insurance?

I am conservative but I go agree that we need universal health insurance. But I haven't studied too much in depth on it. In your eyes (both liberal and conservatives answer please) are the pros and cons of unversalizing healthcare? How would universal health care work for people with diseases like diabetes, cancer, AIDS? What about people who have not been diagnosed with diseases, and tend to only see a doctor when they are sick? What about preventive care (aka mammogram for women, prostate check for men)? What are experimental medical procedures and experimental medications? What about fertility clinics for women who cannot become pregnant? What about anything else I forgot? And please, no arguing, this is just opinions.""

Pregnant with no insurance?

I recently moved and I no longer have health insurance. I am 33 weeks pregnant. I do not qualify for Medicaid. are there any other inexpensive options? I am currently working part time but I won't be working for much longer.

What car has the lowest car insurance rate?

I need the make and model of a car that has a pretty low monthly rate. And also im 18....it makes a difference in the price. sadan or coup. no suvs, trucks, van, or sports cars.""

Auto Insurance policy changes?

Would a auto insurance company be able to tell if you changed your deductibles after a wreck or comprehensive damage? If you changed it and then waited a couple of days or a week from say, 1000 to 500$ and then filed the claim. Do they check for recent changes in policy coverages?""

What is the cheapest car for me to buy in regards of insurance?

I passed my test in mid may 2009. So nearly a year and a half ago. I have a pass plus certificate. I know the best cars are obivously the ones with 1.0 engines and other small sizes. Im getting some horrible quotes, so I figured I would ask the community. Vaulkal corsas are the cheapest so far. But unknown brands like plutos are coming up quiet cheap. It is my first car, no one years claim bonus. I dint insure a car straight away because I was getting quotes for over 5 grand due to being 17, now im 2 years older and had more time holding a licence its obivously droped, but not by much. Any thoughts on cars?""

Where can i get cheap fire & theft only car insurance.?

My car is currently off road at my parents place in their locked garage. All the insurance companies i have tried don't do just fire & theft which is what i need until i can drive again. Please help as i have had no insurance for a week already but i don't want to risk it.

Whats up with car insurance for teens?

So Im 17 and hoping to do my test by the end of this year. My dad has promised to buy me a car when I pass so out of curiosity I went online to check out how much car insurance was for the car im getting. To put simple, the cheapest quote I got was 6000. The car Im getting is less than a grand itself :o I even got quoted 12000 once :/ wtf?""

Passing a drug test for life insurance?

I smoked weed rather heavily for about 5 weeks over the summer, and now i havent touched it all for about 5 weeks, am i going to be clear for it? Before those 5 weeks i smoked VERY rarely (once every month or 2 months). Also i smoked a couple packs of cigarettes in the past couple weeks...how long will it take for me to get the nicotine out of my system (also smoked VERY rarely before last couple weeks)""

Do i have to have a motorcycle license to get motocycle insurance?

Do i have to have a motorcycle license to get motocycle insurance?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/car-insurance-anthony-booker/"

[againjack]

Extremes

Friday evening I arrived a few minutes earlier than Colby suggested. As expected, he showed up 40 minutes late (50 after I arrived.) I had taken care of his dog and spent time doing things around the house (taking out trash,emptying dishwasher, folding laundry, etc.) He wanted to go out to dinner before the Cirque show, but, based on his being late the places he wanted to go wouldn’t be quick enough, so we ended up at Steak and Shake. I’m ok with this, at least we got to eat before the show. That and it was a nice break from all the fancy places we’ve been to and a chance for him to see me in that environment.

The show was amazing. We both loved it. He was very appreciative and couldn’t stop telling me thank you and how he loved the show, going with me, and that I planned/paid for it. I am not sure how I feel about all that. 

When walking to the tent we had some interesting conversations. One was my telling him what I’ve spent on all these things and how my credit cards are maxed out (partially due to shifting funds to pay off the car) and how it will be a while before I do something big or like this again. The other was a random comment that I joked I can be classy, to which he responded to that he knew me well enough to know it was just a front. That really hurt and took me aback. I am glad he feels he knows me, but to not know that I would be hurt by being told I’m not good enough? Really? Who appreciates being told they are trash?

That evening while cuddling in bed he randomly said, “You are so amazing.” I thanked him and told him that it was nice because it helped soften the “not classy” comment earlier. Apparently he was being sarcastic or something? He said he didn’t really mean it, but there was no way to tell. The tone he used when telling me I was amazing was truly full of awe and love. He sounded surprised and that he was just realizing how lucky he was to be with me. 

Saturday morning I made breakfast, which he enjoyed. We then split ways to run our various errands and stuff. I ended up napping because still fighting headache and low grade nausea. We were going to meet back up to go do game night with his friends. Again, I beat him back to his place and took care of the dog. I am very grateful to have access to the hidey key so I can come and go as needed rather than waiting on him. He realized when he got home he forgot to pick up the dog’s pain pills. The vet closed at noon, the pharmacy closed at 5, and it was now 6. He was very angry with himself and asked to be left alone in his office, so I studied my Hebrew and prepped for my final mikveh training class. I was worried, but, knew it was best to just let him be. 

He eventually said we wouldn’t be going to game night, but instead would be spending the evening at the emergency vet. We walked the dog and I tried to console him, which upset him more so I just shut up. 

I had an idea, that since he told me he doesn’t want to do anything physical when I’m on my period, that maybe since I was bleeding there would be no expectations so we could talk about things. He said not only did he not want to talk about it, it was too stressful over all. The impression he gave me was that he is 100% fine with how things are and doesn’t want it to change. (How he reconciles that with wanting kids and KNOWING that we both feel sex is important to a relationship I don’t know.) He has a bad habit of repeating himself, even after I stop, which makes it feel as if he is over reacting or that what I say or do is just THAT bad. Not a good feeling. In addition to his having a cow over wanting to chat about sex, he then snapped at me, “Just let me get through killing my dog.” 

He is really hurting over that. He doesn’t like anything about euthanizing or any euphamism or how it is better than letting the dog be in pain. He said it is murdering his dog and he just can’t bring himself to kill him. (He will, this week, but doing so is really hurting him on multiple levels.)

I get he is stressed. I get he is emotional. I was trying to add levity and a distraction in a safe space/manner. I want to give him a pass for those things, but that snap REALLY hurt. I felt my eyes well. I did my best to hide from him my reaction, because I didn’t want him to feel worse and maybe turn it back on me. 

Then he put the dog in his car. I asked him to give me a minute to grab my purse. He said he didn’t want me to come with him. That hurt a lot too. But fine, that is what you want, I won’t go.

I hadn’t eaten since breakfast so I told him that and asked him if I should wait for him or eat. He didn’t answer me (that I heard. He said later that he did tell me to eat without him.) I wasn’t sure how long he would be, and from the sound of it, it would be hours. So I ate some food I had made and brought for him so that he wasn’t finding himself late, with no food, making poor and unhealthy choices. And I started cleaning/seasoning his new cast iron skillets and oiling his wooden spoons (that soooo needed it.) The entire time the hurt got worse, so I decided to do something.

You know the saying of killing someone with kindness when they are mean to you? I decided to be the best possible girlfriend. I knew that he had to be out early for Sunday school, and it would be early enough that I may not have a chance to make breakfast for him and I wanted to ensure he had food. Especially since breakfast food is his favorite. So I went around the corner to Panera to get several pastries. He’s got a hard few days ahead, I can spoil him a little bit to help get through it. I then went to the grocery store to get ice cream as comfort food for me that night. And again, being the good girlfriend, I had noted things he needed so I picked up a treat for him and stuff he needed. 

Turns out he wasn’t gone long. He let me know he was on his way back, I let him know I was out so he wasn’t surprised when I wasn’t there. He then said he wanted to go to game night. And of course he made it a guilt trip that he “wanted to spend time with his friends and cake for his birthday.” *glare* Way to make things worse, buddy. I was NOT happy. Even when I came back and told him what I got and how I needed comfort food and retail therapy (that I channeled into the food) he didn’t ask me why or what for. I did NOT want to go. I was afraid that I would say something that would sting or be more than he wanted anyone to know. Again, I found myself tearing up as we drove to his friend’s house. 

We got there and when I was asked what I wanted to drink, I gave a look that the guy asking totally understood and he poured me a scotch. Never mind I don’t enjoy bourbon/whiskey/scotch but I drank it. No, I did not enjoy it at all. Then after eating cake and starting gaming I asked the host what was available that wasn’t wine, beer, or scotch. He had spiced rum that we mixed with coconut water. Not my normal thing but it was what I needed. The group loved the games I brought and we played #HashtagIt which was hilarious and awesome. (It’s basically Cards Against Humanity but with pictures (black cards) and hashtags (white cards.)) At some point I poured myself another glass, a bit stiffer by accident. 

Once we decided the game was over I made my way to the bathroom, where I ended up spending the next several hours. After doing my business I realized I was not well and hung out leaning against the sink. Someone noticed at some point I was gone and the hostess came to check on me - which was when I threw up. I was so embarrassed and so worried that it would be the last straw for Colby, since he had so much on his proverbial plate. The hostess told Colby to go home without me and she did an awesome job helping to take care of me. Which really wasn’t much other than get me a towel that I used alternately as a pillow and blanket as I slept on the floor. As far as I know, I only puked twice. I was horrified it was into the sink, so I did what I could to clean it up which wasn’t much. It was about then that I laid back down and fell asleep. Apparently in my sleep I did a deep clean of the entire bathroom according to the hostess. 

I noticed when I got up at one point that the sink was clean, I felt so bad that someone else cleaned that up. I managed to stand and walk by 4:30am and found that there was a pillow and blankets on the couch waiting for me, as well as another person was sleeping on the other arm of the couch. (It is a big sectional in the shape of an L.) I texted Colby an apology and plugged my phone in to charge. I didn’t sleep well and kept waking up, but every little bit helped. At some point the kids and hostess got up, as well as the other person, so I got up too. We got details from the hostess as to what we missed (not much) and I folded up the blankets. The other person gave me a ride back to Colby’s. When driving into his neighborhood we past Colby on his way to Sunday school. I’m not sure he realized it was us. 

I was still worried, even though both the hostess and the guy who gave me a ride said that Colby and I were ”solid.” Colby did text me after Sunday school that there was no need to apologize and it wasn’t about anything he needed or not. (My apology was that he didn’t need my not holding my liquor in addition to his other stressors.) I’m not sure on the tone of the text so I’m still not sure where things stand. 

This afternoon Colby’s ex is going to his place to say goodbye to the dog, since he was hers before she and Colby got together. I hope to avoid her. 

We’ll see how tonight goes. I’m a ball of anxiety.