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ragingbookdragon · 3 years

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Batsis & Green Lantern, Sittin’ In A Tree. K-I-S-S-I-N–Wait, Is That Our Sister? PT. 2

Kyle Rayner x Batsis One-Shot

Word Count: 3.3K Warnings: NSFW (Slightly), Explicit Language Tags: @starflyer-104

Author's Note: Hi I finished this! Enjoy! -Thorne

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Oddly enough, she didn’t make Kyle do anything other than design the first month he was at Wayne Manor. And she was true to her word. He had an entire room to himself, and the room was as big as his whole apartment, bigger if he was honest; and that wasn’t all—he had every instrument an artist could ever want, even some of the newest drawing tablets and pens that hadn’t even come out yet. Limited edition first pick that only someone like her could get her hands on by merely flashing that pretty smile and her last name of “Wayne”. It was a graphic artists dream come alive, and Kyle was afraid that he was going to wake up from it that he never once tried to pinch himself to see if it was a dream or not.

Surprisingly enough though, (Y/N) was being awfully nice to him too. She’d taken him shopping a bunch of times, a whole new wardrobe and even thrown in a new phone and laptop. Of course, Kyle wasn’t a fool and immediately confronted her about using her purchases to hold it over him. That was the one instance in which she wasn’t awfully nice because she sucker-punched him and told him to never call her a manipulator ever again. That she had never once used a purchase to force someone into something—she was a bitch but she wasn’t that kind of bitch.

He even questioned Jason about it once they got back to the manor and his friend cackled at the nice shiner he’d received. (Y/N) doesn’t buy things for people to make them do what she wants. She buys things for people because that’s how she shows she’s fond of them. Honestly, if she buys you what you want, especially if you ask for it, that’s how you know she thinks you’re a friend of hers. Just let her spoil you for a while, Rayner. You’ll miss it when you have to go back to NYC.

Kyle relented then, instead of fighting her on paying for everything, he watched her. Watched her when he asked for something. Just for a split second she’d get a look of honest surprise in her eyes before that smirk crossed her lips and she’d toss it in the basket before picking up her own needs. He found it almost endearing, the way she acted, like she wasn’t expecting him to ask for anything. And Kyle especially liked that look in her eyes. It made his heart beat a little faster when she gazed at him with those big eyes.

And while he did love that look, it only lasted for one month. Hell had come to the manor, and Kyle was smack in the middle of it.

***

“Good morning family!” she greeted cheerfully, placing her hands on Kyle’s shoulders. She received various replies, some happy, some tired, and Kyle gave his own.

“Morning, (Y/N). You seem happy.” He cut into the buttery waffle and started bringing the fork to his mouth when she grabbed his hand and gently but firmly, took the utensil into her mouth. Kyle couldn’t help but go slack jawed as she chewed and swallowed, offering him a smirk.

“I’m sorry,” she purred. “Did you want that?” His mouth opened and closed, and she pushed the plate forward, replacing it with a tall smoothie shaker that was a bright, sickly green.

“Uh…” he started, looking between the shaker and her. “What’s that?”

(Y/N) nodded at it. “That’s your breakfast for this morning.” She flipped the cap open. “It’s got spinach, kale, bananas, vanilla flavored protein powder, pineapple, mint leaves and spirulina.” She grinned. “It’s got all the protein and greens you need for the start of this wonderful day.”

“I don’t even know what spirulina is.” Kyle remarked.

“Blue-green algae super-food.” (Y/N) nodded at it. “From now on you’re going to drink smoothies every morning and then we’re going to weight train and run every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.”

Her family started snickering around the table and Kyle swallowed thickly daring to ask, “And Tuesdays and Thursdays?”

She grinned wickedly at him. “Combat, Rayner.” Handing him the shake, she quipped, “Drink up me hearties.”

“Yo ho.” Kyle whimpered when he sniffed it and gagged.

***

“C’mon weakling,” she nagged. “You’ve barely gotten through the second set. Don’t tell me you’re already tired.”

Kyle groaned as he pushed the weighted bar up, holding it for a second before letting it fall. “I told you I can bench press one-hundred. You put one-twenty on this bar,” he griped through gritted teeth.

(Y/N) smirked. “Feel that pain though? It’s weakness leaving your body.” She grabbed the bar with one hand, pulling it up and onto the hold; she grinned as Kyle panted, chest heaving up and down with every sharp intake of breath.

“I—don’t know—how you do this—everyday.” He gasped and she snorted.

“No pain, no gain, Rayner.” She walked around him, and Kyle was too weak to keep his eyes off her as she did. “Oh, I can’t wait for tomorrow,” she cooed, throwing a leg over his hips, lowering onto his thighs.

Kyle’s throat tightened and he gazed at her as she leaned forward, propping her elbows on his chest, staring into his eyes. “Pretty close there,” he panted and (Y/N) smiled.

“Closer the better in my opinion.” Her eyes narrowed bemusedly. “From here I can get a good view of your form.” She pulled away. “You’re using your lower back to push strength into your arms. This time, use your chest and shoulders. Deep breath when you push up, breathe out when you lower, okay?”

He nodded, grabbing the bar again. “What set now?”

“Three. Five reps.” (Y/N) pressed a hand to his abdomen. “Core muscles tight. Glutes tight. Keep the stability and use your upper body muscles alright?”

“Got it.” He said, pulling the bar off and she felt his pelvis start to push upwards and she splayed her fingers.

“Chest, Kyle. Not your hips.” He grunted, trying harder, and she put all her weight onto his hips, keeping them pressed down to the bench. It showed in his form as he improved almost instantaneously. “Nice job,” she murmured. “Keep going.”

He got to the fifth rep, starting to go up, when she purred, “Your arms are very strong, Kyle. I wonder just how strong.”

Something in her voice made his heart stutter and he forgot momentarily what he was doing. The bar shifted downwards, and he gasped as it came down at him; (Y/N) reached out, quick as lightning and grabbed it with both hands, standing from his legs to put the bar back.

She looked down at him, concern in her eyes. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” he breathed. “Sorry…lost my grip.” (Y/N) nodded and shimmied away, holding out a hand to him. “Thanks,” he said, letting her pull him up.

“Take five and go get some water, alright?”

He wanted to shake his head, tell her no, that he could keep going, but he thought against it and started for the water fountain in the corner. As he bent over, he happened to look back at her, seeing her bent over, stretching her legs. Heat pooled low in his gut, and he groaned, turning his eyes away.

“Jesus Christ,” he hissed. “Get a grip.”

“Let’s go, Rayner!” she called out behind him. “We’ve got two miles to run!”

Kyle let his head hand and he groaned again.

***

Compared to the day before, getting his ass kicked wasn’t as bad as it had seemed. That being said, (Y/N) wasn’t pulling her punches with him and he hadn’t managed to lay a single hit on her an hour in.

He gasped as she dropped him onto his back and he laid flat, gazing at the ceiling before him; she leaned over him, a cocky smirk on her face. “Need a break?”

“I’m not a novice in hand to hand. I trained with J’onn J’onnz for a while.” He countered with a glare and surprisingly, she nodded, rather impressed.

“I can tell in your form. You counter like he does.” (Y/N) bent down and gently swept away the sweaty hair from his forehead. “You’re learning pretty quick though, if I do say so myself.”

Kyle’s face lit up. “Really? You think—”

“But I can see that it takes you getting your ass handed to you over and over again before the lesson sinks in.”

His face pinched and he griped, “I should’ve seen that coming.”

(Y/N) snorted and patted his head, mocking, “You’re learning.” She smiled. “Now get up. You’ve rested long enough.”

“UGHHH!” he groaned, climbing to his feet.

***

On the third month and final month of the project, Kyle noticed a major improvement in himself. Not only had he lost a few of those extra pounds from snacking, toning all over his body, he’d also managed to expand his stamina a great deal. (Y/N) had congratulated him when he managed to run the various miles without even breaking a sweat.

The designs had come in well too, and Kyle honestly had more money than he knew what to do with. Well, rent and utilities were his most prominent factor, but even then, the money he’d have left over would last him a long time. He almost felt sad when they got to the final week of the project, no longer needing drawings, he was mostly there to make sure the designs were made correctly and with good materials.

(Y/N)’d even given him one of the first sets they produced and even if he was used to seeing his drawings published, it was another thing to see his name on the tag with it. It made him giddy, and he didn’t know how to rope that in with the continued nagging in the back of his brain. That it was all ending in a week. No more breakfast being made, no more laundry done, no more seeing his friends all the time and patrolling with them…and no more (Y/N) constantly.

When he thought about that, Kyle’s chest started to tighten, heart starting to hurt a lot more than he wanted to admit. And he knew why—somewhere along the lines of (Y/N)’s continual ass-kicking and training, he’d fallen in love with her. With her crude attitude and cocky smirks, her proud demeanor and skill, her beauty and the occasional kindness she showed to people, but most importantly, the love she showed for her family.

Most people saw an arrogant bitch who could school people six ways from Sunday both verbally and physically, but what they didn’t see, was the care she paid to those she loved most. To Dick’s anger issues, to Jason’s frequent regrets, to Tim’s consistent depression, to Cassandra’s ever-evolving education, to Damian’s rapid growth, to her father’s hurting soul—she cared so deeply for them, would give anything for them, even her life if it meant. And that made Kyle want to fall at her feet and worship her.

That this beautiful woman who allowed people to talk about her and never cared to correct, was the greatest woman alive, the most loving, the most caring. And she was hard, she was, but her love was tough and those that received it, her siblings and her closest friends, they knew she loved them completely. Kyle knew she cared for him. He only hoped that she wanted more.

***

The production party had been held in France and Kyle had never seen so many elites in one spot that he wasn’t sure how to even drink from his champagne chute correctly. Luckily, (Y/N) had stayed with him all night, tucking herself in his side and covering when he faltered in front of someone who didn’t speak English. And God, there was something very sexy about the way her lips moved when she spoke fluent French.

The party lasted well into the night and by the time they got back to the penthouse, he was dead on his feet. The siblings had dispersed to their rooms and (Y/N) stayed up a bit to speak with Alfred and Bruce over the phone. Kyle lingered around the kitchen with her and when she hung up, she sighed heavily, pulling out the dangling golden earrings and removing the chunky diamond necklace that probably costed more than Kyle did.

Her eyes met his and she smiled tiredly. “Did you have fun tonight?”

“I did,” he said happily. “It was…interesting to see what your life is like.” He chuckled. “Well, your day life that is.”

(Y/N) huffed a laugh and he wandered around the island, daring enough to reach up and grab her shoulders, digging his thumbs into her muscles. She groaned and hung her head a bit.

“Feel good?” he questioned, and she nodded.

“I don’t typically wear heels unless it’s for a party and I remember why.” Sighing, she pulled away from his arms and he just barely managed to keep the sadness from crossing his face as she turned. “What about you? Are you okay?”

Kyle shrugged. “Feel like I could sleep for a few days straight, but isn’t that how we all work?”

(Y/N) snorted, then sighed wistfully. “I almost don’t want this night to end.”

“How come?” he asked, and she met his gaze.

“I like seeing you flounder like a fish in front of socialites.” He rolled his eyes and she laughed, shoving him lightly. “I’m joking.” She rested her hand on his shoulder. “It’s been fun having around the manor. I know Dick and Jason have enjoyed hanging out with you.” She smiled and pulled away. “You should come back around after tomorrow.”

(Y/N) bypassed him and started towards her room when he spun and called her. “(Y/N).” she stopped and looked at him, waiting, expecting, and Kyle decided to lay his cards to her, letting her decide. “Spend the night with me.”

For a moment, she was surprised, honest to God surprised, then she smiled sweetly, something he wasn’t really used to, and she murmured, “Come with me.”

And Kyle barely managed to keep himself from tripping over his own feet as he hurried after her.

***

“Shut the door behind you,” she said, and he knew that just from the tone of her voice that she was the one who held the power—not that he cared, all he wanted was her. He felt his heart lurch as the door closed and she motioned him to come behind her. “Mind unzipping me?”

Kyle swallowed thickly as he reached up and grasped the gold zipper, gently tugging it down to where it stopped just above her rear. He also happened to notice that she wasn’t wearing any undergarments and he cursed under his breath. “Fuck, (Y/N).”

She grinned and with one hand undid the buttons behind her neck, then reached back, pulling his hands until his palms were pressed to her bare skin. “Be a dear and slip my dress off for me, hmm?” she leaned back into his hands. “Shouldn’t be too hard now.”

Before Kyle knew what he was doing, his hands were moving underneath the fabric of her dress, around her waist and up her chest, gently grabbing at the flesh of her breasts. (Y/N) gasped, a sound so saccharine in his ears, and leaned her head back on his shoulder.

“Kyle,” she whispered and with his pointer fingers, circled her nipples. Another gasp escaped her as she arched into his touch and she turned her head to the underside of his jaw, sucking the skin at his neck.

“(Y/N),” he groaned, rubbing up against her rear. “Baby...”

She was pushing away from him then, much to his dismay and she spun around, grasping at his suit. “Take your clothes off. All of them. Now.”

All that commanding she was doing was shooting straight to his cock and he obeyed immediately, not even caring about the dress shirt as he ripped it open, the buttons scattering across the carpet. He’d just gotten to his belt when he saw (Y/N) pull down her dress and he almost collapsed on his weak knees when her body came into full view.

For three whole months he’d been slowly driven insane by her tight clothes, guiltily imagining what she looked like underneath during the night, more often than not, relieving the urge.

She smirked and walked up to him, digging her fingers into the top of his pants and turned, pulling him along. They reached the beg and she yanked, sending him backwards onto the bed with a grunt, and then she was climbing atop him.

“I thought you wanted—” he gasped when she grabbed him through his pants. “I thought you wanted me to be naked.”

(Y/N) winked and squeezed him. “I changed my mind.” Leaning close, she let her lips hover above his. “I wanna see how needy I can get you.”

Kyle glared at her and surged forward, sealing her lips in a kiss before he wrapped an arm around her waist, tipping them over. She groaned into their kiss and wrapped her legs around waist. He let his free hand roam her body, caressing her side, squeezing her hip, slipping beneath her leg to grab at the flesh of her thigh. Each grasp, each pinch, each touch had her gasping and Kyle rocked against her, moaning under his breath.

Her fingers busied themselves with his belt and when she got it open, she unbuttoned his pants, and pushed them down a bit. Kyle pulled back to help but the second his hands left her body, he knew he made a mistake because she locked her ankles and placed her hands on his shoulders, shoving back. His back hit the bed and she was on top of him again, this time pinning his hands beside his head.

“Bad boy,” she admonished. “You weren’t supposed to move.”

“Sorry,” he retorted, but he wasn’t. Not in the slightest. “Couldn’t help myself.” He accentuated his point with a deep roll of his hips, and she grip briefly weakened as she ground herself down on him.

“You’re going to help yourself.” She warned, eyes devouring him where he lay. “Every movement is fifteen minutes added to how long I’m going to tease you.”

Kyle grinned. “Yes ma’am.”

(Y/N) matched his grin and before he could even see her move, she had a pillow from the top of the bed placed on his chest, long side up, enough to cover her from sight.

“What are you—” The door opened, and he tipped his head back on the mattress, seeing Dick and Jason gaping at them from the doorway.

For a solid moment, they all stared at one another, too shocked to say a word, then Dick and Jason were letting out the girliest screams Kyle had ever heard them make and they slammed the door shut.

(Y/N) sighed heavily and pressed her face into the pillow. “Lovely. Now we’re going to be all over the group chats.”

Kyle blinked, looking up at her. “You think so?”

“I know so.” She looked at him. “I knew I should’ve booked a penthouse across from this one.” (Y/N) started crawling off him when he reached out and grabbed her hips, keeping her in place; she cocked a brow. “Really? Your mood’s not killed?”

A flash of green appeared in her vision, then the door locked, and he smirked at her. “Nothing can kill my mood for you.” He squeezed her tightly. “Is yours?”

“Not in the slightest.” She reached down and traced the smirk on his lips. “Do me a favor though.”

“Anything,” Kyle agreed, and she grinned wickedly.

“Call me ma’am again.”

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always-against-the-grain · 3 years

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on your own time

Summary: continuation of the morning after

Pairing: Negan x reader (female, named Eddie)

Tags: Negan smut, Negan x reader

It had been over a week since your last hook-up with Negan. And he was craving you again.

He caught up with you in a hallway this morning.

“Hey, Eddie,” he called for you, spinning Lucille in his hand.

“Sup boss, what can I do for ya?” You decelerated to a stop and put your back to the wall.

He leaned in, bracing himself on the wall with his free hand. Your heart began to pound, and you felt your body temperature rise.

“There’s a lot you can do for me,” he said softly, his voice still rough, however.

“It’s been a while. What do you say we catch up?” He paused, “I forgot what that body feels like”

Your clit tingled at his words.

“Oh, you remember. That’s why you’re asking,” you cleverly responded.

“Haha, you might be on to something, doll. But that’s not an answer.”

“Yeah, okay,” you smiled.

“7 work?”

“Yes, daddy,” you teased.

“Mmmhhh,” he let out through his nose.

“I’ll see you tonight” he pushed himself off the wall and gently pinched your chin, grazing his thumb on it, before he walked away to do Negan things.

_____________

Later that evening, Negan barged through your door.

A young man named Jack rolled off the full-size bed and thudded on the floor, squirming to button his pants, his hands jittering at Negan’s presence.

Once Jack was buttoned up, Negan gestured at him to leave.

“Get” Negan nodded at the door.

Jack swiftly grabbed his boots and shirt, holding his ítems against his chest as he did a quick walk-of-shame towards the door.

Negan aggressively grabbed him by the forearm before he reached his exit and calmly growled at him, “don’t touch what’s mine again.”

Jack nodded in understanding.

“Negan...” you started, straightening out the hem of your white shirt.

You didn’t know if to explain yourself or be pissed that he interrupted your action.

“What the fuck was that doll?”

“What the Fuck was what? You don’t own me. I can fuck whoever I damn well plea—”

“Quiet” he put an open hand up, slowly closing it into a fist as he lowered his arm.

“Weren’t you supposed to be somewhere tonight, young lady?”

“We said 7,” you counter-argued, “it’s not even—”

You looked at your clock on your nightstand: 7:30

“Awh shit,” you said to yourself.

“‘Awh shit’ is right,” Negan walker closer to you, to the corner of your room.

Negan set Lucille against the wall next to the file cabinet where the walls met. You used that metal furniture as a dresser. He took off his leather jacket to set on top of the cabinet.

“Fuck. Negan, my bad, we were smoking, and I lost track of time.”

Negan leaned against the file cabinet, crossing his arms, not caring much about your excuse.

“So you were just gonna let me fuck you right after Jack?”

“No- I- we were just gonna give each other head” As you said those words aloud, you realized that wasn’t much better.

“Oohh you’re DIRTY dirty. I like dirty, but you stood me up girl and that is unacceptable. And for me to walk in on you..” Negan clenched his fists, replaying the image of another man on top of you.

“You’ve pissed me off, doll,” He said explicitly.

You smiled a little, amused at Negan being riled up, “are you, are you jealous?”

“Shu— Be. Quiet.” He bent his neck side to side, like he was preventing from morphing into a supernatural being.

Negan took a deep breath and pushed himself off the filing cabinet, and launched himself to you.

“I see you’ve gotten too comfortable around me” He gripped your jaw and cheeks together.

“You need to be reminded who’s in charge”

“And we’re 30 minutes behind schedule, and that’s coming out of your end. Are you gonna make it up to me, doll?”

You nodded in his grip.

Negan leaned in to kiss you, his lips barely hovering above yours, before pulling away, leaving you craving his touch.

He carelessly released you from his grasp, even giving your noggin a slight push.

He began unbuckling his belt, making it obvious what he wanted from you.

You helped him pull his undergarment down, just enough for his dick to spring free.

You took the tip into your mouth and swirled your tongue around it. You heard Negan contain a raspy groan within his throat.

Once you brought him in deeper, he held your head in place and began to shallowly fuck your mouth.

You sucked harder, increasing the pressure around his member.

“Ah, yes. You dirty girl,” he praised you, “just like that.”

“Say you’re mine,” he ordered.

I’m not saying that you thought to yourself.

He lightly smacked your face while his dick was in your mouth, “say it”

You refused. You kept sucking him off, hoping that you would cause enough pleasure to make him not care whether you said it or not.

That didn’t work. He pulled your hair close to your scalp, the taut strands causing intense but dull pain.

“Mmmmm,” you groaned, mildly uncomfortable with your hair being pulled.

“Say it” he clenched his fist more forcibly, causing a slightly harder pull on your hair, while also pushing himself to further, causing you to gag briefly before he returned to his original depth.

“I’m yours” your words muffled with his dick in your mouth.

“That’s right” he trusted a few more times before pulling out.

“Undress,” he ordered while he stroked himself.

You shimmed off your pants and pulled off your shirt, while Negan kicked off his boots.

Once you were completely undressed, you laid back on your elbows, legs spread at a natural distance, knees dangling off the edge, ready for reciprocation.

“What the fuck are you doing, doll?” Negan asked, almost rhetorically, “Turn around.”

You were a little caught off guard, as Negan had attended to your needs first in the past.

“Com’n doll, don’t keep wasting my time tonight.”

As you flipped yourself over, Negan slapped your ass hard.

“Fuck” you groaned, initially at the sting, then at the pleasure of the burn.

Negan pushed yourself lower back down into the mattress before you had a chance to create an arch yourself.

“You earned yourself a hard fucking Eddie,” he toyed with your vulva with his hard dick.

He spread your juices in sync with each word he spoke. “And. You’re. Gonna. Take. It. All.”

He entered you and filled you the brim.

He felt incredible as always.

He fucked you hard and slow. Before picking up pace. Eventually reaching a moderate pace, still inserting himself all the way with each thrust.

You felt your search for orgasm plateau, going nowhere near release. Negan was relatively quiet, only softly grunting once in a while.

You turned your head to face him, checking to see where his mind was.

You instantly caught his death glare.

Oh, he was fucking for sport tonight.

He roughly pushed your head so you’d face away from him, and he held the back of your neck to the mattress.

He decided to share his jealous thoughts with you, well, in a way.

“You can fuck whoever you want. But when I’m fucking you, you’re mine. This pussy is mine.” He gave you a brutal thrust.

“That pretty mouth is mine.” He continued as he briefly forced two fingers inside it.

“This ass is mine.” you felt his spit dribble over your other hole.

He began sliding a thumb in.

You clenched and tilted your hips away from him in response.

He pulled out his digit and smacked your ass cheek, “you are gonna let me in, so its best if you relax.”

He attempted to insert his thumb again, and you tensed up once more, having only had anal once before, with him, so you’re your relaxing methods weren’t up to tune.

Smack.

“Relax.”

Once his entire thumb was is in it was bearable than the initial intrusion.

He started thrusting at pace again and simultaneously wiggled his thumb inside you’re puckered hole.

“Ugh fuck baby,” you moaned.

“Baby? Nuh-uh, you don’t get to call me that.”

He pulled out his thumb and punished you with the reinsertion.

“I’m- I’m sorry”

His hard fucking and digit-play built your orgasm towards release

“Come doll. I know your there” he wiggled his thumb faster

“Ughhh” you came, body going limp.

Negan jackhammered into your oversensitive body, you almost had to tell him to stop before he pulled out and ejaculated on your spine.

Negan scooped some of his release form your skin and brought around your head to your mouth, “here, to get the taste of Jack out of your mouth”

You willingly sucked his finger clean.

“Fuck, that’s my dirty girl,” he whispered in your ear.

He looked for your shirt to wipe your back clean, so you’d think of him in the future when it was time to wash it.

He crawled into bed with you, cuddling you from behind. You felt his flaccid dick in the crevice of your ass.

“You alright, Ed?” he noticed you in a haze.

“Yeah,” you answered, but you were slightly confused as to who you were to Negan now, a mistress? A potential wife? His cum slut?

“Did I make up for my fuck up?” You asked

“Of course. Unless you want to repent some more?” He gently bit your shoulder.

“I mean, I do want more, but you had this look tonight. I mean, it was hot, but the whole thing right before...” you trailed off, not knowing how to ask Negan what your relationship status was.

“Listen, I know I don’t own you. I know you’re a sexual woman, and I love that shit. Just don’t eat your food in front of me”

You picked up what he was putting down. When it was Negan’s time, you were his. What you did on your time was fair game.

“Now that we got that outta the way, let me know when you want me to fuck you again. Whatever you want, hard, fast, slow, in your ass” he pressed on you with his last words.

“Anything you want,” he added as he leaned in for the first kiss of the night.

#negan #negan x oc #negan x reader #negan smut #Negan thirst squad #negans thirst squad

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drivingsideways · 3 years

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Thanks @rain-hat for tagging me!

Five books I want to read this year? More like 24 (my rather modest reading goal for the year! In good news, I've made a fabulous start, and have read more books in the last month than in the last two years.) I feel I've dropped out of the literary habit so completely that I honestly don't know what's being published, being talked about, who the newest stars are-my eyes see a book review and just... glaze over? Ughhh. Anyways, this year, I think I'm mostly trying to catch up on a backlog of books (not reading didn't stop me from acquiring books by the dozen over the last few years!). By dint of moving house, and not having space yet for my books, right now my reading list is pretty literally what my hand can find in the boxes :))

So this is what I've pulled out so far (still to be read):

Everybody by Olivia Laing: I walked into a bookstore last month, saw this and just picked it up without even bothering to read the blurb or look it up, because that's how much I loved The Lonely City. I love her mind, I do.

Mohanaswamy by Vasudhendra / Tr. by Rashmi Terdal: This is a fictionalized memoir / semi autobiographical set of short stories about a gay man in rural Karnataka, and was hailed as revolutionary both when it was published in Kannada and later in translation. It's been on my bookshelf for so many many years, and this is the one in which I SHALL READ IT.

Samarkand by Amin Malouf/Tr. by Russell Harris : Stole Borrowed this from my friend's bookshelf last month for no other reason than the title felt like a reminder that life is long and one must not give up on one's bucket list of place to visit even if one's passport is expiring this year and travel to the grocery store feels like some crazy survival game- anyhoo! It sounds absolutely lovely- the story of Samarkand via the history of the manuscript of the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam, and I'm excited to delve into this piece of historical fiction first published when I was all of ten years old, and had no idea, probably, that Samarkand existed.

This Divided Island by Samanth Subramaniam: The flyleaf informs me that I acquired this book all the way back in 2014, and then...forgot about it? I was probably waiting for some hypothetical day when reading about war (in this case: Sri Lankan)would be less painful. Ha.

How We Disappeared by Jing-Jing Lee: This was gifted by a friend some time ago (a year? two? DANG!) and I'm fully prepared to have my heart broken by it.

In newish stuff I'm excited to read sometime this year : K.R. Meera's Qabar, which has recently been translated into English from Malayalam by another fave writer (Nisha Susan) and Shrayana Bhattacharya's "Desperately Seeking Shahrukh"

Tagging, and only if you want to! @sidewaystime @popsiclemania @presentlydean @cupofteaandstars

#i feel i'm going to revisit didion before the year is out #i haven't yet let it sink in that she's gone #reading things

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hellreads · 5 years

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Chapters: 3/? Fandom: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Jeon Jungkook/Reader, Kim Taehyung | V/Reader Characters: Jeon Jungkook, Kim Taehyung | V, Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Kim Namjoon | RM, Min Yoongi | Suga, Kim Jinhwan, Kim Jisoo (BLACKPINK) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Werewolf Jeon Jungkook, Angst, Fluff, Smut, Cheating, there will be a love triangle whoops, tags will be added as the story progresses, Mutual Pining, Memory Loss

Summary:

In a world of supernatural beings, a normal human like yourself always found attraction and wonder towards these creatures. It was your kind heart that led you to become a doctor to treat such people. And it was your kind heart that led you into the arms of a young Alpha wolf who will accidentally force you down a path you were never meant to follow...

“...I don’t remember him, and I know how I’m supposed to feel but…” “This is what feels right to me.”

after a long battle with my reader’s block this is the first fic that I finished in one go and I found myself falling in love with reading again and I may have fallen for werewolves and warlocks too along the way. anyways, I highly suggest you listen to Walk Through the Fire by Zayde Wolf ft. Ruelle before you start reading to set the mood, also, if you aren’t familiar with Howl’s Moving Castle (well I highly suggest you read/watch this because this is gold!) you could google Howl Jenkins Pendragon to have an idea of Taehyung’s visual inspiration for this fic.

[SPOILERS AHEAD - this is me telling this story to my close friends, this is how i chat them my latest reads, in detail with a lot of inserts in between gasdhjgfakjs also rip this is an essay it’s been awhile since i shared my thoughts~]

I shouldn’t be babbling like this since this is an on-going story but whatever I’m so in love with this so please bear with me, I actually had this fic saved on my reader for weeks, found this one fateful night when I was craving to hurt my heart with an infidelity fic so I browsed and filtered ao3 results and got this and last night I clicked the title because I assumed this is inspired by Zayde Wolf’s song (which I fell for because of a zombie fic that had this on it’s playlist) and I devoured this like a starved woman and I ~

so this actually escalates quickly from Jungkook and MC’s first meeting filled with some bicker and banter, to meeting Namjoon and Jungkook while she’s with her best friend Jisoo well MC is not afraid of the supernatural so they wanted to test her how she’ll react to Jungkook’s true form and she’s up for it and then everything happened all at once, in that moment Jungkook found comfort in her, she was her mate...

so this is where it’ll start to hurt and I kinda understand and not understand Jungkook’s logic here maybe it’s because he’s a wolf? or his prior experiences with other human’s changed him? the lack of sexual intimacy started all of this mess, If only Jungkook tested the waters and tried talking to MC if she wants to do it and they could take it slow but also he’s a supernatural, a wolf, and he’ll most likely lose control once he gets to have a taste of her and it’s probably one of his concerns that’s why instead of mating with her and marking her he decided to spend the night with wolves from his own pack, srsly my heart dropped when she saw what’s happening in his bedroom, she was ready to seduce him and step up her game BUT no he was fucking cheating on her, I get that he’s in heat and it’ll be wild and he’ll probably hurt MC but whyyyy Jungkook? after reading that scene I knew I would hate him...

hate is a strong word but that’s how I felt and I just wish somebody would find and save her, based on the tags I made up scenarios in my head, I had no clue about Taehyung being a warlock so I was kinda hoping he’s a human that’ll sweep her off her feet BUT the scenario that followed was much better and adds so much *chef’s kiss* flavor to the story, so Taehyung is a warlock, like Howl Jenkins Pendragon (well he’s a wizard dealing with general/good magic while warlocks are associated with black/dark magic yet Tae is vv chill so far~), my favorite studio ghibli character, I was so ecstatic reading his description plus a few elements from the story/movie were also incorporated into the story that’s why i’m so so so happy, so fast forward to MC waking up in Taehyung’s place (I actually forgot to mention I was kinda relieved that Irene and Bo Young didn’t tell Jungkook the whole story [for added drama yasss!] but I guess if he really care about her he would’ve felt it in him that she’s somewhere and he needs to do everything in his power to seek her and not just let his guilt eat him while he fucks his lust, sigh Jungkook you fucked up badly, wait til...) so this is where you’ll start to fall for Taehyung (because that’s what happened to me) everything they did made my heart flutter it was just some flirting here and there and genuine concern from Taehyung wanting to help MC regain her memories, again, I was a little embarrassed and hurt for MC when she told Tae “What if I want to touch you?” and got a response “You’ll just have to resist,” poor babe she just wants to feel something ~ idk how warlocks are in fics during sex maybe they’re dangerous too that’s why Taehyung is trying his best to resist and ignore her flirting whenever it gets too much he wants to give in.

now that readers like me have fallen for Taehyung and was hoping for a better future for MC ~ hmmm just a random thought wouldn’t it be nice to lose your memories when your partner cheats on you? and they still have every single detail of the horrible things they’ve done while your mind is free of pain, you get to retain the feeling and lessons learned but you have no clue what life experience brought you that wisdom, ahhh beautiful, I love when people suffer and pay for their sins.~ Namjoon suddenly shows up and does everything to take MC back to Jungkook and he fails then tells him everything and now he just wants to find her, still shocked that if she really was her mate and loves her ughhh he’d get the feeling that she’s still alive unless Taehyung had some protective spell cast on her while he helps her get better? idk my mind is filled with so many questions and possibilities and i’m suffering.

Chapter #3 so this is how it goes huh? she reunites with her best friend that helps her reunite with her “boyfriend” ngl I was hoping she’d be able to spend more time with Taehyung, that he will take her and fulfill his words “Then you can continue being my Love.” I want her to be happy with Taehyung, she belongs with him, that’s why things happened and Jungkook failed to mark her because he was busy with marking others ughhh, okay I appreciate Jungkook’s gesture and sincerity to make it up to her but once her memories come rushing back things will never be the same, it’ll only prove her that her feelings were right, being with Taehyung, that’s what’s right. but since we're only 3 chapters in i’m looking forward to having our hearts swayed back in forth into Jungkook then Taehyung and back to Jungkook and rolling and jumping back to Taehyung until we’re perpetually torn and confused.

I just want to be back in Taehyung’s arms (that’s the immersive me talking) | 🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒

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spadesinglasses · 4 years

Text

Love Victor (series)

oooh new format for this post let’s get into itttt.

Below are my reaction per episode. I will be writing them as i finish each so its more clear and fresh and all that jazz.

Let’s see if tumblr posts has a word count limit.

lol wrong title earlier X_X

Note, the #glassthoughts tags is a reaction tag. Its never a review, or an intellectual essay about stuff I watch. I dont have the capacity to do all those.

Spoilers below so beware. Episode 1 is posted separately because I intend to make posts for the first and last epsiode only but that did not work out lol.

EPISODE 2

it took me a looong time to finish this episode. I kept on pausing it because something just feels so wrong about it. I didn’t know what it was when i was going through it, but when it finally ended it finally clicked.

The episode reminds me of the sentiment most homophobes use against gay people. “If you focus on the emotional part of the relationship, you will be happy with the opposite sex.” Growing up ive heard this phrase used against other people so much. Hearing it in my native language has always been a punch in the gut.

And now this show who is supposed to be something happy and nice, is just having this kind of phrase of mentality just well up there.

I’m sure that its not Victor’s and that he is just exploring his sexuality. But the usual tinge of homophobia whenever he talks that he might be like Simon is honestly grating.

It’s definitely a me issue because other people seem to be enjoying the series immensely, but whenever Victor gets into that headspace, I just hear my child self crying myself to sleep because of internal homophobia.

Also i can see why people say that for a show that is supposed be about Victor’s sexuality and growth, it does sure show a heck lot of heterosexuality of those who are around him.

Maybe in the future i will rewatch the series again with a more patient mind, but for now, expect me to skip a lot of scenes X_X

End

Episode 3

Okay the audacity of Victor saying “he tries” to be a good friend. Like dang okay chill with the lies. You’re already lying about your sexuality lmao.

Sorry im being very critical and bitter about this show, but i must persevere for the fanfics and fanarts i will gorge myself into later.

anywho reaction time!

Mia and Victor would’ve been cute if only Victor doesn’t sound like he keeps on enforcing this compulsory heterosexuality he has in mind. BUT hey he might be Bi people!

I keep censoring myself because of how bitter and hateful i sound. My apologies for the phrases i forgot to delete above and beyond this line xD.

Anyways im over anything about Andrew. He can go fuck his egotistical self. If the series will show

Hmm i wonder if the term “Comp Het” will even drop in this series.

Back to reaction,

Honestly Felix is just a lesbian in a man’s body at this point. Making his own shampoo? Like wow give me some of that kind of friend.

The number of times I rolled my eyes at Andrew is ridiculous.

Whilst typing this part it was more enforced in my mind that Love Victor is just a “supposedly gayer” Teen Wolf without the wolfing parts.

Lake is Lydia Felix is Stiles Andrew is a walmart Jackson Benji is basically a less grumpy Derek or Danny tbh Victor is Scott

I really hate this idea now.

The parents drama! Honestly, very unnecessary in my opinion. Victor is already dealing with a religious family, now he has to deal with a religious and broken family? Like dang they could’ve just chosen one struggle for him, now everyone will think his sexuality is a consequence for his parents’ sin or sth.

Maybe it’ll play into a bigger plot twist in the future?

Maybe Victor’s mom is cheating with Mia’s father? Seeing as how there was an unnecessary shot of her father with the back of a woman facing on the camera which is weird but okay.

Im theorizing now X_X

Anyways have y’all seen how poor Felix was so nervous because his goddamn friend isn’t there to supposedly help him?

Sorry im hating on Victor too much but this scene reminds me of how awful Simon’s friends are and like bruuuh is Felix supposed to be the lead character?

He really is like Stiles who is supposed to be the lead for Teen Wolf in my opinion, he’s just a much better written character that Sc/tt

lmao sorry my issues with other series is bleeding into this one X_X

End

Episode 4

Not much to say without getting too salty so moving onnn.

End

Episode 5

This series is just showing all the fear and pain i went through and am going through back when I was a teenager and til now. Without getting into any personal stuff, that last bs Victor’s father spewed just hit me so much.

I guess one of the reasons why its hard for me to watch Love Victor is because it shows me the teenager side of me way back when. Minus the girlfriend one because i never really persevered that much to tamper any likes for men. Internal homophobia really hit me back then tho xD

End

Episode 6

This episode is a mess and I hate it.

We saw yet again Victor literally using Felix’s ignorance and naivety to get himself out of a situation he put himself into.

AND Felix even got the wrong idea or got fed with the wrong idea that the reason why Victor brought him along is to act as a buffer because he wasn’t ready to give up being a virgin or have sex in general. Yep that is definitely the reason, no other reason at all that involves making latte art with a known barista.

Lake and Felix kissed so there was that. I still am shipping Victor and Felix together despite Victor’s continuous bs with him being a good friend, but that’s just me.

And totally knew Andrew and Mia got a thing. If this blew up and hurt Lake im suing.

Lake and Felix are literally the two people keeping this show intact. Not gonna drop some political statement here no sir.

Again Benji needs to grow a personality out of this whole barista thing. One thing i am grateful for this show is that there was no family drama at all!

I think.

End

Episode 7

UGHHH MISS ME WITH THAT NORMAL TALK.

Ive been making a conscious effort to stop saying that heterosexuality is normal. That shit is hard to unlearn because its what ive always heard in my asian household for yeaaaaaaars. And now this twink is just gonna throw the term around like he has no issues with it. TO SIMON EVEN.

Like brooooooh. Im over my 2010 internal homophobia, no need to dig it all up again. Every episode.

Aww the dancing in different clothes is cute but,

FUCKING VICTOR LIED JUST FOR WHAT?

Homeboy be doing the most to keep his fucking sexuality from bursting out, with his foot both planted firmly inside the closer AND THEN THE NEXT SECOND would end up as if he is ready to risk it all just to see Benji naked.

I AM FUCKING livid, confused, and just intense emotion everywhere.

Ive seen a couple of dumbo scenes from other shows that got the “closeted” man be doing literally the most obvious shit that could make anyone catch them, BUT THIS, with how VEHEMENT Victor is against being “NOT NORMAL” AND THEN LIE JUST TO STAY IN A MOTEL WITH THE GLORIFIED HOT GUY, takes the goddamn cake.

The fucking hypocrisy man. Ive battled internal homophobia before, AND ACKNOWLEDGE THAT WE ALL DEAL WITH IT DIFFERENTLY but holy fucksticks. I’m not this evil.

The thing is, there is so much a person could do that you could go “ah its because they are in the closet and is afraid to come out” before it goes to the territory of “fucking hell, this is not just about his sexuality, this is just him now doing stuff consciously to take advantage of his supposed fear”. The girlfriend thing is even waaay over the top, but we all went with it because he’s supposed to be figuring things out. BUT most of the time, he literally could not even imagine going beyond the line HE CREATED for their relationship. AND YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT HE WILL LIE JUST TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH A GUY? Now he wants to test the male side of his sexuality? BECAUSE PORN DOESN’T EXIST? BECAUSE LOOKING AT MALE UNDERWEAR MODELS IN THE UNDERWEAR SECTION IS NOT ENOUGH? HE NEEDS IT TO BE ACTUALLY PHYSICAL TO CONFIRM SOMETHING?

Im ahead too much, real time the scene im in the episode is still them about to leave the shop but holy fucking hell. If this lie ended up becoming something more in this same episode, expect more capslock because jfc.

And people will still claim he’s somewhat attracted to the other gender.

AND SOMETHING DID HAPPENED. ANDREW AND MIA KISSED

FUCKIN VICTOR

Also i was very very worried that Pilar and Felix will be a thing BUT THANK GOD THAT DIDN’T BECOME A THING. Still unsure whether i like Lake and Felix together, but i love them individually.

I cant really comment on any of the parents drama because to be honest i skip them whenever its just her and him.

These two fuckers lie to one another. BECAUSE OF WHAT? THEY WANT TO FUCKIN STICK THEIR TONGUES INTO ONE ANOTHERS MOUTH? IS THIS REALLY WHERE THIS SHOW IS GOING? AND THEY ALMOST CENSORED IT BECAUSE ITS GAY? NOT THE OTHER HORRIBLE STUFF THAT IS HAPPENING?

Im tired.

But i hafta finish the show for fanarts and fanfics.

okay Benji has a legitimate reason for lying. I’ll take that.

See people you see me live writing this whole rant thing :D.

BOY TOOK MONTHS KISSING MIA FOR MIA TO ONLY SAY THEIR TONGUES GRAZE SOMETIMES.

bUT THE SAME GUY JUST WENT LAPLAPAN TO THE MAX WITH BENJI THE ONE NIGHT THEY SPENT TOGETHER?

REALLY PEOPLE? REALLY?

Huh I wonder back when I was his age, would I also just kiss the first gay guy i became comfortable with? Despite being so into the closet and battling internal homophobia via punching the walls?

Dang that monologue tho. We as non het doesn’t want our lives to be hard. But at this point, i stopped blaiming my own sexuality and just started blaming heterosexuals for making the world this fucking horrible for us. That’s when my internal homophobia SLOWLY lessen. It’s still there but hey at least every crosshair is not on me.

Okay i get people saying that Simon is irresponsible for making Victor like put his family on the back burner for a bit etc etc. Also the reaction against Benji getting mad when Victor wanted them to stop being gay while in their house, is reasonable. Victor did calmly told Benji and his beau that his family is stretched thin etc etc. I get that. I get that sometimes hiding your sexuality for other people is what is necessary.

BUT fucking please recognize how damaging that is to the person you are talking to. Even if you think Victor is in the 100% right about this, AT THE VERY LEAST acknowledge why Benji is mad. Sure he could’ve just left with his boyfriend instead of just staying there. And sure Victor pulled through in the end and put that dusty grandpa motherfucker to his place, but that’ll fucking sting okay.

Also i might be saying all this in a place where I’m not really that close to ANY of my relatives, so ya know, call me ignorant or ungrateful whatever.

END

Episode 8

Okay uhh Mia and Andrew is still a thing APPARENTLY.

AWW BRAM IS CUTE

Lol Simon’s “Yay boobs” like please Victor keep the heterosexual drama out of this chatroom lmao.

Also Felix group texting the others is hilarioussss.

If Victor touches or says one bad thing at Bram? its on sight.

Also Im not sure what to feel with Mia getting jealous at Andrew. Like girl you were the one who said he’s nothing, and now this? Issa bad look honey.

Victor is embarassing. Are all extroverts just this i dunno peppy?

You know what makes me happy in this episode? Keiynan’s attitude bleeding out to Bram’s character. I love it!

Goddd Keiynan is so hot XD

hahahaha this episode is lighter thank god.

“why would they want to help a complete stranger” because they are good people and surprisingly they still exist!

Ohhh So it seems like Nick Robinson filmed his scenes for this episode on a different day. Ive never seen him be with the main group. That’s weird.

END

Episode 9

Benji distancing himself because he wants to make his 1 year relationship work? Good guy! Him not saying to his boyfriend about the coworker of his kissing him? Bad move.

Sure we can all talk about how little stuff doesn’t need to be told to your lover if you’re sure its not gonna happen again. The thing is, communication is key. Y’all will talk about communication being integral in a relationship but keep shit like this in the DL because yOU’RE JUST THAT SURE IT AINT GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN? Fo real?

Also Benji is feeling guilty for a reason.

Vincent is very in the wrong for kissing a taken man just because said taken man is comfortable with him or showed vulnerability. Victor is in the wrong 100% and I’ll never forget that.

Felix and that hug with Victor is adorableeee. Love that coming out scene. Again raising my eyebrows at those who say Victor is Bi.

Felix showing what’s in his apartment is fucking great. No wonder we don’t see his mom or anything. They say that the saddest people are always the one who will do their best to keep everyone happy. Felix is being peppy, have these random phrases he use to just amuse people makes sense.

In this household, we protect Felix no matter what. HOPEFULLY next season we get to fucking know his surname or sth.

Again nothing new with the drama surrounding the parents. I hate them and honestly i am so annoyed by the father’s face and everything. (still have that hatred from One day at time but we don’t talk about that here)

The letter is stupid and i wonder what Pilar will do about it. Are we gonna get a To All the boys i loved before thing?

OH Felix giving Lake an ultimatum. Wow what a move honestly. On one hand Felix has the right to protect himself. He wants to be free with who he loves, and keeping it a secret stopped being amusing because he knew what it feels like to hide a part of yourself.

Lake’s confidence has been obviously shot and damaged by her mother. Not saying that justifies what she is doing BUT it came from somewhere. A night with Felix talking to her about his life IS NOT going to just uproot all those thoughts from her mind. As much as i love Felix, he is not a solution.

hmm what else. The father can go die for all i care. Lmao.

END

Episode 10

OH I THOUGHT PILAR KNOWS NOW BUT NOOOO

OH NOOO O NO NO NOOO

AND ANDREW STIRRING SHIT UP NOOOOOO

PILAR STOOOOP

NOO NOT PUBLICLY

OMFG

I CANNOT.

Also i cannot get over Andrew’s actor looking like Stromae. They have the same eyes, eyebrows and expressions X_X

THIS IS WHY WE DONT KEEP SHIT BEFORE A PUBLIC EVENT. IT ALWAYS EXPLODES ON A PUBLIC EVENT.

YOU BET YOUR ass i skipped the whole confrontation scene. I’ll go back to it maybe or just look at gifs but nope. My cancer rising and moon can’t handle that shit.

Is ... is Mia going to see Victor and Benji together and then theorize? Because god freaking damnit im tired of that plot twist.

Oh Benji. Honey honey honey please don’t do whatever I think you’re about to do.

FUCKING NEW IT. CALLED IT. CALLED ITITTTT MIA FUCKIGN SAW I HATE VERYTHING.

....

wait the way the ending was shot is weird. The cliffhanger is weird. Everything is weird.

ILL MAKE A HUNCH that it was actually just Victor in his dream land thinking that coming out is that easy and that you just blurt it out.

Bet you the next season will start with no body but Felix and Mia and Andrew know about his sexuality.

The shot was too much on Victor. There was no sound cue from the family etc etc. I hate the ending so much. Love Victor could’ve been so much more. Could’ve pioneered a fresh way to show lgbt stories and how coming out is this and that. Even if the show is for Gen Z and this generation, coming out should reflect to how coming out is generally perceived nowadays. But i guess that was too much. Foolish me for having my expectations waay too high.

The End

#Glass thoughts #love victor #love victor spoilers #this exhausted #me

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welcometothepenumbra · 5 years

Text

JUNO STEEL AND THE TIME GONE BY (PART TWO)

SOUND: RAIN. TRAIN ARRIVES, CREAKS TO A STOP. DOOR CLANKS OPEN.

CONDUCTOR: Ah, good evening, Traveler. And welcome… to The Penumbra.

SOUND: DOOR CLANKS SHUT.

Take your seat, please, take your seat.

MUSIC: STARTS.

The junction lies ahead, so if you’ll allow me just a moment.

SOUND: TRAIN WHISTLE.

We are now passing through the Cerberus Province.

SOUND: TRAIN MOVING.

Our next stop?

SOUND: TRAIN BRAKES.

Juno Steel and the Time Gone By.

SOUND: DOOR CLANKS OPEN, RAIN.

ALL SOUNDS: FADE OUT.

***

SOUND: BROOM SWEEPING.

JUNO: So. What’s the plan, here?

BUDDY: Shh.

JUNO: I-I can’t believe this. Your entire deal goes to hell, it turns out the ghost of girlfriends past is running around a decade past her expiration date—

BUDDY: Shhh.

JUNO: —and she’s wearing a tag that could kill her any second and we’re just sitting here?

JACKET: I’m sure your screaming makes Buddy’s thinking much faster.

JUNO: Oh, hey, was that sarcasm? Maybe the big guy’s got enough brain for a sense of humor after all.

JACKET: I have always possessed a sense of humor, Juno. You are just not funny.

JUNO: Come over here and say that—

SOUND: GLASS SHATTERS.

Whoa!

BUDDY: I asked for quiet.

JACKET: I will clean this. Would you like another drink, Buddy?

BUDDY: No thank you, darling. You may take his away as well; I believe he’s had enough.

JUNO: Hey!

SOUND: SLIDE.

BUDDY: I should hope you’d know not to drink and drive, Juno, and yet, here you are, drinking like a fish and driving me up the wall. Why are you here?

SOUND: SWEEPING UP GLASS.

JUNO: What?

BUDDY: I asked why you’re here. Your work is finished; I’ve already told you that as soon as my friend and I sort out this mess, you’ll have your eye problem seen to, and you know very well that we can find you. So, Juno. Why are you here?

JUNO (NARRATOR): The one eye uncovered by Buddy’s flaming hair was burning holes into me. It was the look that fakers like me always dread: the one that said she expected me at my best and wasn’t gonna tolerate anything else.

Only real leaders have that glare. They enforce it in different ways: Valles Vicky would destroy you, Captain Hijikata would make you destroy yourself. Ramses O’Flaherty would make you feel like the whole world was counting on you, so you’d better be good. And Buddy Aurinko, I… still didn’t know what she would do.

MUSIC: STARTS.

I didn’t know if I’d survive finding out, either. My name’s Juno Steel. I’m a private eye, and if you want to give me a panic attack in four words, ‘why are you here?’ is a pretty good place to start.

BUDDY: Well, Juno? Why are you here.

JUNO: I-I-I don’t know.

BUDDY: Yes you do. Try again, please.

JUNO: What the hell else am I gonna do?

BUDDY: That’s closer, I think, but still not quite all of it.

JUNO: What are you, my therapist?

BUDDY: There aren’t enough creds in the galaxy, darling.

So?

JUNO: (INCOHERENT MUMBLING)

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

BUDDY: We’ll continue this discussion later, then.

Throw me the comms, darling. Then you know what to do.

JACKET: Of course.

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

BUDDY: Buddy Aurinko speaking. To whom shall I bill this pleasure?

RASBACH (FROM COMMS): It is Rasbach. Though, ‘pleasure’ no is my word, Miss Buddy. I call you with the top, top displeasure.

BUDDY: I can’t say I understand why. We have our money, you have your cure. Everything ended as we planned.

RASBACH (FROM COMMS): Insult!

BUDDY: There were hiccups, of course, but if you want to get technical, the interloping factor was one of yours – so if anyone should be angry here, I think it’s me.

RASBACH (FROM COMMS): I am stabbed! Stabbed!

BUDDY: By a woman wearing a debtor’s tag bearing your branding. Or did you think I wouldn’t notice?

RASBACH (FROM COMMS): Ah, haha, I see. I see, now. Is just so with our sale, yes – Miss Buddy, you make the showing of honesty to harvest sympathy, make you seem the one good, yes, and yet! You conceal the details top inconvenient.

BUDDY: Oh, do I? My, how thrilling! I must be concealing them from myself as well, because I have no idea what you mean.

MUSIC: CHANGES.

RASBACH (FROM COMMS): I heard you. Before I left, I heard you say my servant’s name. Vespa.

BUDDY: (AFTER A PAUSE) If you’re waiting for some big, explosive reaction, you’ll have to supply it yourself. I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.

RASBACH (FROM COMMS): Is shame. Top shame. Vespa, she is the servant excellent. Experience medical, competence high, no looks sick, even. She has the moods violent, the sights and hearings unreal, sometime she need the restraints, but—

BUDDY: Is there a point to this?

RASBACH (FROM COMMS): Ah… forgive me. I will be brief.

The sound of your voice when you say her name, “Vespa…” it gives me the thoughts. You say Vespa as I say the names of family in Balder, yes? I have thoughts that perhaps she is important to you in this way?

BUDDY: We all have thoughts, Raz, and hardly any of them are worth the brains they’re printed on.

RASBACH (FROM COMMS): Ah, it is possible I am wrong. Your culture on these planets Solar, I do not think I will ever understand. Well, in this case, if she no is matter to you, I will continue with the protocol typical.

BUDDY: And what might that be?

RASBACH (FROM COMMS): Our servant no work for free, eh? The radiation fatal goes through her veins, but with our blood filter, ah! We fill this with spawn bacterial of Curemother, and so we give Vespa life. But is no cure permanent, of course. Curemother is rare, expensive. That is why we have you procure it at price high, I remind you, Miss Buddy, top high. If a servant violate her contract, we no can afford this. So, click! Off with filter, and begin the burning. And Miss Vespa has the death top painful. A fate sad, yes, but the contract she signed is written in terms top clear.

MUSIC: ENDS.

Miss Buddy? Do we have the disconnection?

BUDDY: (CLEARS THROAT) Excuse me, Raz. I was just… taking notes.

Doesn’t that seem a bit harsh to you, darling? A stabbing or two may be unpleasant, but, our transaction ended as intended. A second chance—

RASBACH (FROM COMMS): The Board of Fresh Starts do no give the second chances. Vespa took our care medical, she signed our contract, and she must abide. And yet, I do see your point…

Ah! The hole in loop! You see it, Miss Buddy?

BUDDY: I’m concerned that I may.

RASBACH (FROM COMMS): Should I possess the contract Vespa, a termination must occur. But contracts… they can be bought and sold, yes?

BUDDY: You… want me to buy her?

RASBACH (FROM COMMS): Her contract, Miss Buddy. Hours ago you assisted those who buy and sell the contract. This is so different, really?

BUDDY: (AFTER A PAUSE) I suppose not. It takes… stomach, this line of work. I have to say I underestimated you, Razzy.

RASBACH (FROM COMMS): Most do.

Ah! But wait, I forgot the information vital! The cost!

BUDDY: How much does a human life go for these days, Rasbach?

RASBACH (FROM COMMS): Hmm… a situation top difficult… with I explain to the company… with I cancel my appointments… with we meet today, yes, must today, I have been in Cerberus too long already, must care for the health, is vital.

Ten million creds.

BUDDY: So exactly as much as you just paid for the Curemother.

RASBACH (FROM COMMS): Ahhh, so you are certain to have it! Top convenience.

BUDDY: If you’ll allow me to think like a business vampire such as yourself for a moment, Raz, I might point out that a single worker should not be worth the same as the system by which you control all of your workers.

RASBACH (FROM COMMS): Should not, is so. Unfair, is so. But the war… it taught me much, Miss Buddy. Is fair I no see the family? Is fair they should be sick, hungry? Is no fair. Is top no fair. And yet.

BUDDY: And yet.

RASBACH (FROM COMMS): I will see you in half-hour at my office.

You are pleasure with do business to, Miss Buddy. Goodbye.

BUDDY: Goodbye, Rasbach.

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

BUDDY: (GRUNTS)

SOUND: THUD.

JUNO: Buddy—

BUDDY: Did you catch all of that, darling?

JACKET: I have recorded it, and I can confirm Rasbach’s location. The call was made from the Cerberus Board of Fresh Starts.

BUDDY: Wonderful. An honest slave trader. Simply wonderful.

JACKET: That ten million creds is every cent we have.

BUDDY: Yes, yes, of course it is.

JUNO: Every cent you have? You started this con with nothing?

BUDDY: When we started we had plenty. But heists cost money, as does reopening a bar five years dead.

JUNO: But—

BUDDY: Juno, I am going to be direct with you. I do not have time for whatever personal revelation is currently percolating in that prefrontal cortex of yours. This job has suddenly become important to me, very important. And I want your help on it because your instincts have proven sharp, but I do not have time for your soul-searching.

I have suddenly become a very poor woman. If you come with us, I cannot give you any payment other than what you've already earned. I can promise you that Rasbach is not going to make this as easy as he says, and Vespa…

If you want to keep that head on those pretty shoulders of yours, we’d best hope Vespa does not interfere.

JUNO: This is who we’re saving, and you’re that scared of her?

BUDDY: If she’s as sharp as she used to be, I am. Medicine was not Vespa’s only specialty. Razzy didn’t mention the other, which means either she’s out of practice or else… she’s been planning this escape for a long time.

If you agree to help, I’ll tell you as much as I can on the way. But I make no promises that I will be able to say everything.

Well?

JUNO: Ughhh, fine, I’m coming.

BUDDY: I hoped as much. Dearest one, start the car.

JACKET: Yes, Buddy.

***

MUSIC: STARTS.

SOUND: CARS PASSING.

BUDDY (NARRATOR): Twenty years ago, you could clear a room by saying the names “Buddy and Vespa.” Because in a lot of places, especially in the former Outer Rim before the war drained it of everything it had, those names meant something. They meant style, and flashy heists, and holdups at banks that boasted they could never be held up. Buddy and Vespa, Vespa and Buddy – my, we were a pair. Stars.

Until we fell. As stars so often do.

SOUND: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS, GUNFIRE.

VESPA: I’m tryin’ to hold them off Bud, but, out in the open like this, I’ve got noth— Ah!

BUDDY: Vespa?

VESPA: (GASPS)

BUDDY: Vespa darling, keep your balance, it’s only a few more steps and this is far too high to—

VESPA: Buddy… oh.

SOUND: THUD.

BUDDY: Vespa! No! (CALLING) Vespa!

BUDDY (NARRATOR): But then perhaps that’s a bit personal, darling; after all, we’ve only known each other a few hours.

JUNO: I think personal boundaries left the station when you got your goon to start spyin’ on me.

JACKET: I am my own goon.

JUNO: Oh, congratulations. Listen, if you’re gonna tell me this story, tell it right. You lived in the Cerberus Province long enough to build up a bar and a dedicated clientele, but you’re worried Vespa might’ve been down here for five years? You two must have called this place home way longer than that.

BUDDY (NARRATOR): Home is not always the place you live, Juno. Now hush, I’m telling a story.

We rarely slept in the Cerberus Province, if that’s what you’re asking. But this was always where we came back after a job to sell whatever we’d earned, and do whatever deals needed doing… and that meant, we only ever saw it once the danger had passed. We’d fly low over the volcanoes and see the lighthouse, twinkling in the distance… and that, darling, that was home. No matter how tired we were, no matter how late it was, Vespa and I would always watch through the window when the lighthouse went by.

That was our life for years. Then, there was a night, I remember, when the lighthouse was not lit when we returned, and Vespa… found that difficult.

VESPA: Something’s wrong. Bud, do you ever feel like… you ever feel like we’re just doomed?

BUDDY: In the sense of going to age and eventually die? Never.

VESPA: (SIGHS) I just feel like I can feel it. Something bad.

BUDDY: Feel you can feel! Well.

VESPA: Stop.

BUDDY: (AFTER A PAUSE) Oh come on, Vespa. You know I’m sorry. You just get so superstitious sometimes and I—

VESPA: I– I said stop!

I mean, we’d have signed up for it, right? A life like this, running from the cops, sprinting from adrenaline kick to kick, we– we’re gonna get caught! Separated, probably.

BUDDY: Vespa, that isn’t going to—

VESPA: If you’re so positive of that, you shouldn’t mind me talkin’ about it.

There.

BUDDY: There what, darling?

VESPA: If it goes wrong… no, when it goes wrong, we’ll meet there. The lighthouse. No matter what.

BUDDY: Vespa…

VESPA: I can just feel it. It’s coming soon, alright? I know it is. I know it.

Just agree. Please? If you’re so sure I’m wrong, what do you care?

BUDDY: Of course, darling.

I love you.

VESPA: And some days I even know it.

BUDDY: Every superstitious inch of you.

SOUND: THEY KISS.

BUDDY (NARRATOR): I don’t know how long it was – months or years – but everything ends eventually. It doesn’t matter how young and invincible you feel; everything ends, eventually.

Our last job was in the Outer Rim. On Balder. A bank job of a kind we’d done a thousand times before, but…

SOUND: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS, GUNFIRE.

VESPA: I’m tryin’ to hold them off Bud, but, out in the open like this, I’ve got noth— Ah! (GASPS)

BUDDY: Vespa?

BUDDY (NARRATOR, OVER THE LINES BELOW): We must have missed a guard. And then, as we were running across the bridge that linked the two bank towers, where our ship was going to pick us up…

BUDDY: Vespa darling, keep your balance, it’s only a few more steps and this is far too high to—

VESPA: Buddy… oh.

BUDDY: Vespa! No! (CALLING) Vespa!

JUNO: She fell off the bridge.

BUDDY (NARRATOR): She did.

JUNO: How tall was the tower?

BUDDY (NARRATOR): Two hundred and fifty stories. The capital of Balder is known for its highscrapers – the city high above and the city far below.

The next laser came for me.

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT. GASP.

And, unfortunately, I did not fall.

VOICES: Pastasi bin-bin das! Basqueesa Vespa? Ovelisan das mivi! Ove, ove!

BUDDY (NARRATOR): In the end I suppose it’s lucky that I wasn’t wearing a stunproof vest. I would most likely have jumped after her if I had.

JUNO: Two hundred and fifty stories…

BUDDY (NARRATOR): It is remarkable, yes. But she’s survived worse. She has… a talent for field medicine.

SOUND: CLICK.

But even so, five years of radiation…

SOUND: MORE CLICKS.

JACKET: We’ve arrived at the Board of Fresh Starts.

JUNO: Wait, hang on. I still have questions.

SOUND: CLICKS, FOOTSTEPS.

BUDDY: (SNAPS OUT OF NARRATOR MODE) And it seems you will continue to have them. Our welcome wagon is on its way.

JUNO: What—

SOUND: GUN COCKING.

MUSIC: ENDS.

Oh wow, that’s a gun in my ribs, that happened fast.

VOICE 10: Come wiz me, please.

BUDDY: And who are you, precisely?

JUNO: And the hell is that blaster for? I didn’t even do anything!

VOICE 10: Vas menta…? Vis… ehpeesu…

JUNO: What?

VOICE 10: Come wiz me, please.

BUDDY: Rasbach has sent us security we can’t negotiate with. I remember hardly any Balder at all.

JUNO: I speak the language his gun is talking just fine.

BUDDY: Then I’d recommend you listen to it, Juno.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): The Board of Fresh Starts office didn’t look like anything special and that surprised me, at first. Then I remembered that the people in charge of this place almost never set foot here. They were probably all partying it up on some solid-gold space station with radiation shields to go around. Let the poor get sick. Let the workers burn. Standard business practice, really.

It was a short walk to Rasbach’s office. He was… a little too excited to see us. Even accounting for the bottle of contraband painkillers on his desk.

SOUND: DOOR OPENS.

MUSIC: STARTS.

RASBACH: Ah, our guests top desirable! Please, have the seat, have the seat.

Hasslanna mivi das muu.

BUDDY: A bit rude to leave us out of the conversation, don’t you think?

RASBACH: Ah, they no said it? Rudeness, rudeness. Ah, but, is rule top vital. Your… ehm, what is the word… mivi, eh, mivi, eh… Pow, pow! You see?

JUNO: You want us to give up our guns.

RASBACH: Is so, yes. Weapons, they cause the meeting previous end, eh, no good. We do without now.

BUDDY: If that’s the price.

Hand them over.

SOUND: RUSTLING, SEVERAL CLANGS, METAL CLATTERING.

RASBACH: My, ah, is look heavy.

SOUND: ONE LAST CLATTER.

Hah– eh… (CLEARS THROAT) Das mivi ehpeesu.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING.

Ah, i-is rudeness. I told my servant to—

BUDDY: To leave, yes. Can we conduct business now?

RASBACH: We wait. We wait… and…

SOUND: DOOR CLOSES.

Now business may begin.

BUDDY: Alright. Just like our last sale: instant transference through our comms, verbal confirmation, fingerprint identification. Ten million creds from my account in exchange for the code to Vespa’s blood filtration bracelet.

RASBACH: Ah, yes, uh, the creds… But of course, if they no tell you they take the gun…

You look this, eh?

SOUND: GRUNT, CLUNK.

BUDDY: That’s the Curemother I sold you, yes.

RASBACH: Yes, yes. But the lock to this case, you see…

SOUND: CLICK, HUM.

Is broken. Is goods defective you give me.

BUDDY: It’s not broken. It’s unlocked. You’ve unlocked it. And the Curemother is fine; it’s still glowing, you—

RASBACH: Is require more payments.

SOUND: CLUNK. HUM STOPS.

Fixing lock, the tests verification on Curemother… this take money. Then the interest, the damages, the market shifting…

BUDDY: How much?

RASBACH: Should be… twenty million creds.

BUDDY: (AFTER A PAUSE) Well, then.

I think that’s the end of this meeting.

RASBACH: Eh? The end?

BUDDY: There’s no sense in doing business with someone who’s kidding you. Goodbye.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

RASBACH: You will not leave! Here! Here, is her blood filter code on my comms now!

I will deactivate this. This Vespa, she will die!

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS STOP.

Ten million creds may come again, but… once dead, is no second chance. This we both know well, Miss Buddy. And if you no stop, Vespa will die.

BUDDY: Razzy. This money isn’t going to your company, is it?

RASBACH: (NERVOUS LAUGH) Wel– uh…

BUDDY: Well. You really do look out for your family, don’t you?

RASBACH: Is no the question, Miss Buddy. The question is: do you?

BUDDY: I don’t have twenty million creds.

RASBACH: Then… your ship. You no live in Cerberus Province, yes? Yet you conduct the theft Curemother. You have spaceship. The deed, you will transfer it to me, plus the code for briefcase.

This the cost final.

BUDDY: Sold.

RASBACH: Eh? R-really? You are certain?

BUDDY: I’m certain. Have you set up the sale or would you like me to do it?

RASBACH: You Solar peoples… I never understand.

JUNO: To be fair, I’m from here too and I don’t get it, either.

RASBACH: I will set up the sale, of course.

SOUND: BEEPS.

Read. Here.

BUDDY: Seems to be in order.

RASBACH: This I no will risk, Miss Buddy.

BUDDY: I can tell.

RASBACH: Now, for code words.

I, Rasbach the Eldest, Agent… uh, I consent to this transaction.

BUDDY: I consent to this transaction.

RASBACH: My thumb.

SOUND: BEEP.

And now… yours.

Miss Buddy, you are no hesitate?

BUDDY: Of course not. Just taking a moment to say farewell to my life savings.

JACKET: Buddy…

JUNO (NARRATOR): But it didn’t matter what the big guy said. Before he could stop her, or she could stop herself, she held out her thumb.

Aaaaaand that’s when all hell broke loose.

SOUND: ALARMS.

RASBACH: Basqueesy!

JUNO: The hell is that?

JACKET: Security alarm. Utgard-Lockhouse brand. There is an intruder on the premises.

RASBACH: No now, no now!

JUNO: What the hell is going on?

RASBACH: Quiet! You think you getting the better of me, Miss Buddy; but I am the one of top control!

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

Das mivi! Ovelisan das mivi, das— (CHOKING)

SOUND: HEAVY BREATHING. CLUNK. THUD.

BUDDY: (PANTING) Well. That was… very satisfying.

JACKET: Would you like me to kill him?

BUDDY: No, no. I wouldn’t want to deny his children a father, and I wouldn’t want to deny myself the splitting headache he’s going to have when he wakes up.

JUNO: Wow, uh, Buddy, you timed this out really well. The alarm, the backup – for, a minute there I thought you really were gonna give away everything you own. That was a hell of a con.

BUDDY: I’d like to correct you on two fronts, Juno, but I’m afraid I’ll have to do it quickly, because we haven’t much time: first, my timing was off by around five seconds, because I really did give away everything I own. And second: this is what we in the business of crime would refer to not as a con, but a worst case scenario.

JUNO: Then… wait, what?

BUDDY: Darling, take the door. You are not to let her leave here. I’ve lost her once, I will not lose her again.

JACKET: Understood.

BUDDY: Juno, take the Curemother’s case and hide yourself and Rasbach. In a moment the lights are going to go out. You must be gone by then.

JUNO: This is… Vespa? Wh-why are you so afraid of her? What’s she gonna do?

BUDDY: Do you remember when I told you Vespa had two specializations? The second was assassinations.

JUNO: What!

BUDDY: We’re fresh out of time, darling. The case!

JUNO (NARRATOR): The lights flickered.

SOUND: BZZZT.

I grabbed the briefcase and grabbed Rasbach, and right as I slid under the desk, they went out for good.

SOUND: POWERING DOWN. SILENCE. DOOR CREAKS OPEN.

BUDDY: Vespa?

It’s me, Vespa. It’s Buddy. And it’s all going to be alright now.

Vespa?

You know what to do.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

JACKET: (BIG GRUNT)

SOUND: RUSTLING.

She… is not here.

SOUND: BLADE UNSHEATHING. SWISH, WET THUMP.

JACKET: (PAINED GROAN)

SOUND: THUD.

BUDDY: Vespa! Stop it!

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

VESPA: You stop it. (GRUNTS)

SOUND: BLADE SCHING. RUSTLING.

BUDDY: Vespa! What are you—

VESPA: I said stop it! (GROWLS)

SOUND: RUSTLING. BLADE SCHING.

Your voice, your…! Aghhh! I stopped imagining you, I stopped!

BUDDY: Imagining… you mean—

SOUND: BLADE SCHING.

VESPA: Yahhhh!

BUDDY: Vespa! I am not a hallucination. It’s me, it’s Buddy, and you’re my—

VESPA: Don’t! (GROWLS)

SOUND: THUD.

BUDDY: Oof!

VESPA: (BIG GROWL)

(PANTING) I stopped hearing you. I finally got over you, finally. And now, today, the day I was going to be free… I was done with this. I was done.

BUDDY: (GASPING) Vespa…

VESPA: (GROWLS) You aren’t real! Get out of my head!

SOUND: GRUNTS, FOOTSTEPS, BLADE SCHINGS, RUSTLING.

VESPA: (BIG GROWL)

SOUND: THUD.

BUDDY: (GASPING, CHOKING)

VESPA: Stop it. Stop doing that!

BUDDY: (GASPING) Vespa…

VESPA: (GROWLS)

SOUND: RUBBER STRETCHING.

BUDDY: (CHOKING) V-ves– pa…

JUNO (NARRATOR): And in the dark, all I could do was listen to Buddy Aurinko die at the hands of the woman she loved. The last seconds of a tragedy repeated twice.

I felt like this had always been my problem and I was never going to escape it, just standing and watching while a life gets taken away.

TURBO (ECHOING): The good guys always win!

JUNO (NARRATOR): Nothing different. The same old mistakes. Always.

THEIA: Projection: if you do nothing. She will die.

Would you like me to activate. Nightvision mode?

JUNO (NARRATOR): And there it was. That voice inside my head, telling me that changing was pointless, telling me that you might as well be a puppet to whoever or whatever wants to control you because hell, at least a puppet doesn’t have to think. A puppet just listens to the strings, goes where the pulling takes it, so – just give up. Why not?

THEIA: The target. Is dying.

JUNO (NARRATOR): You can’t change the past.

You can’t even change the present, really, because all you’ve got is that little corner of this moment you happen to have your hands on.

But that corner? Your little part in this great big present? You can pull that any way you want, and maybe it won’t work, but… hell, if you’ve got it, why not pull?

So I ignored the Theia, and I opened up the Curemother, and its weird glowing light spilled out into the room.

SOUND: HISS.

VESPA: What the…

BUDDY: (CHOKING) Vespa… please… (BIG BREATH)

VESPA: Oh!

BUDDY: (GASPING)

VESPA: No! No, no, no, no, no! You’re… you’re gone.

BUDDY: (COUGHING) I was, Vespa. But I’m back.

VESPA: You were gone, gone…

BUDDY: I waited for you. I swear I did.

VESPA: At the lighthouse, for months… but you weren’t… you weren’t…

No… no, this is just what I want to hear. Damn it, V, pull yourself together! This is the day – you’re finally gonna escape and this is the day you crack? Damn it, damn it, damn it! They’re gonna get you, you idiot!

BUDDY: Vespa, I’m here! I’m real. And you’re safe, now. Those awful people don’t have your code anymore, and we have the Curemother. I’ll give you your contract. You’ll be safe.

VESPA: Safe? (BITTER LAUGH) Always gives itself away eventually. Damn radiation. Damn it, damn it!

BUDDY: Vespa…? I couldn’t lose you again.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

VESPA: Just get the Curemother and go, V. Past’s gone. Dead are dead. No getting back fifteen years.

BUDDY: No. I suppose there isn’t, is there?

Juno, slide her the case. Be careful not to lock it.

JUNO: Buddy—

BUDDY: And if you say a second word about it you might not survive to your third.

JUNO: (GRUNTS)

SOUND: SLIDE.

VESPA: The Curemother.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

BUDDY: (QUIETLY) Vespa…

(CALLING) Vespa… Vespa, if you can hear me in there… I just want you to know that I tried. I did. And I know that time’s passed us, darling, I know, but—

I would like to try this again. Even if those fifteen years are gone, even if we’re new people, you and I, or ghosts, or… I’d like to see how these new people get along. I… just want to try.

SOUND: RUSTLING, CLUNK.

JUNO: Lights out again. Buddy, you alright?

BUDDY: (CALLING) If you want to try with me, I’ll meet you at our spot. Tonight, at sunset. The place I should have met you years ago.

I’m so sorry we lost this time, Vespa; if I could have it back—

SOUND: BZZZT.

JUNO: The lights are back.

BUDDY: …And she’s gone.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

Darling, are you alright?

SOUND: RUSTLING.

JACKET: I am fine. I have been lightly stabbed, but it is not concerning.

JUNO: Oh, is that all?

BUDDY: I think we really ought to leave, now.

JUNO: But… what about your money? A-and your ship?

BUDDY: They’re Rasbach’s, now. We’d need his consent to get them back, and… he’d certainly never give it.

JACKET: Would you like me to—

BUDDY: Kill him? Ha!

No. Killing one of the million middlemen with dreams above their paygrades won’t save a single soul in Cerberus. Let’s leave now. I think I owe you the rest of a story, Juno; and we have somewhere to be by sunset.

JUNO: The lighthouse?

BUDDY: The lighthouse.

***

MUSIC: STARTS.

BUDDY: I served eight years in the Balder Central Penitentiary after our heist fell apart, watching the faces of new inmates for her… but she never came. Then I was out. I got my hands on the money I’d saved for myself and bought a ticket back to the Cerberus Province, as promised. And I waited.

JACKET: For two years.

BUDDY: Well, so much for being allowed to keep one’s own secrets.

JACKET: He wouldn’t have believed you if you said it. Two years. And she went up that lighthouse every night for hours, waiting. Then I pulled her out. She was not well.

JUNO: You went up there every day? But that’s… aboveground. There’s no Dome.

JACKET: She was very sick.

JUNO: No… no, wait, hold on. Damn it, can you shut that stupid thing up?

SOUND: THUNK, CLANG. MUSIC CUTS OFF.

Two years? And that much time aboveground? You-you’d have gone nuts by now, right? You’dve lost your damn mind.

BUDDY: Everyone experiences the symptoms of radiation sickness in a slightly different order, darling. Over time one might develop hallucinations, paranoia, memory loss—

SOUND: ICE CUBES CLINKING.

—uncontrollable moods… or conditions a bit more visible.

JUNO (NARRATOR): Then Buddy Aurinko pulled back the hair covering the left side of her face, and I saw what conditions she meant.

From the cheek up, that side of her face looked like a dead body’s. Not just burned, like the woman in the street, or the people wearing those debtor’s tags – more than that. The skin was gaunt, shriveled, and gray. Pieces of it were missing. And in the middle of that ruin sat something like a camera lens, ringed in yellow – and when her other eye blinked, a mechanical shutter clicked across it, sideways.

BUDDY: Organ failure. Skin rot. Hair loss.

JUNO: Yeah, ok-okay, I get the idea.

BUDDY: Bone displacement. Food allergy – that’s all food, of course, not just the one kind.

JUNO: I said I get it!

BUDDY: (CHUCKLES) I was fortunate: the mental effects never had their way with me. And so I lived here for two years, running the lighthouse and getting criminals and Outer Rim refugees as drunk as they liked; and every single night, I would walk up the stairs of this lighthouse with dinner, and wait for my Vespa to come. I knew she wouldn’t. But what else was I going to do? Move on? (SAD LAUGH) Nobody ever moves on because they want to, darling. We move on because we’re forced to – and I only did because he forced me.

JACKET: She didn’t open at the correct time. I became concerned.

BUDDY: You took the door off its hinges.

JACKET: I was deeply concerned.

BUDDY: If he had any sense at all he would have let me die. But, instead, he took me in that car of his and drove me back from the underworld. Some top-notch medical care and a bargain-basement eye later, and I was alive. I felt sorry for myself for another five years; and when I was done with that, I called my old friend here, and offered him a job. I owed him, after all: he sold that car to pay for my eye.

JUNO: Even to afford a low-end eye, that… must’ve been a hell of a car.

JACKET: We will not discuss this.

BUDDY: And that brings us to today, darling. This is the first job of my second career – and I must say I can only hope it’s going to go in the reverse of the first. Start with tragedy, end with… comedy. Ha ha.

JUNO: So that’s how you’re hoping today goes? Comedy?

BUDDY: Given enough time and enough hurt you can laugh at anything, darling. But all things being equal I would rather have the laughter now than later.

JUNO: I just… have one last question.

BUDDY: I’ll trade you. If you answer a question of mine, I’ll answer one of yours.

JUNO: Mine’s really not that important, I’m just curious.

BUDDY: Oh, neither is mine.

JUNO: Fine, then. If—

BUDDY: I’ll ask first. Why?

JUNO: Uh– th– wha— (CLEARS THROAT) Wh-why what?

BUDDY: Why did you decide to stay and help me? You didn’t have to. We barely know each other. Yet today, a former lawman risked his life several times for a former criminal, and for all your whining you even did a good job at it, so. Why?

JUNO: Be-because…

For a few months now I’ve-I-I’ve felt… good. Not l– not, like, good-good, but— (STUTTERS, FRUSTRATED SIGH) Like maybe I was on the right track, I-I guess. An-and then, in that desert, looking back on those months and realizing, damn, I really didn’t help anyone, did I? Maybe I meant to, but— (SIGHS) I just wanted to see if I even could help you. Okay? ‘Cause I— (GROWLS)

BUDDY: Go on.

JUNO: I just wanted to… see if I could. Anymore. Help… people.

BUDDY: Well. That’s quite an answer, isn’t it?

JUNO (NARRATOR): She smiled at me then, like she’d known I’d find the answer all along. And that’s when I knew what kind of leader Buddy Aurinko was.

BUDDY: So? I believe you had a question.

JUNO: Oh. Yeah, it’s, uh… it’s gonna seem pretty dumb now.

BUDDY: I’m sure it won’t.

JUNO: Okay. Uh…

If you’re allergic to all food, what do you eat?

BUDDY: (AFTER A PAUSE) You’re right, darling. That was a dumb question.

JUNO: Yeah, I mean, I told you.

BUDDY: I think I like you, Juno. I think you’ve grown on me.

SOUND: ICE CUBES CLINKING. CLUNK.

I’m going to wait upstairs now. Help yourself to… whatever you’d like.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING.

JUNO: Uhh…

JACKET: She means the top of the lighthouse.

JUNO: No, I get that, I mean… (QUIETLY) What does she eat?

JACKET: I think I will wait with her.

JUNO: Outside?

(CALLING) You and I both got stabbed today, you moron! You wanna get marinated in radiation on top of that? (GROWLS)

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

***

MUSIC: STARTS.

JACKET: The sun has begun to set.

JUNO: Yup.

JACKET: It is very beautiful.

JUNO: So are most things that want to kill you.

JACKET: This has not been my experience.

JUNO: (CALLING) Hey, Buddy? We almost done here? I can feel myself getting sicker.

BUDDY: (DISTANT) You’re free to leave anytime you like.

JUNO: It’s sundown. She’s not coming.

BUDDY: (DISTANT) Maybe you’re right.

JUNO: So, you gonna do anything about it?

Buddy?

JACKET: She is ignoring you.

JUNO: Shut up.

JACKET: Alright.

JUNO (NARRATOR): So we waited, and the sun kept setting.

Sunset was… really something, out here. The Domes have a blue tint – small enough that you stop seeing it, after a while, but – out here, unblocked and unblued, the sunset was wild. Alive. Like someone set fire to the sky.

And Buddy had been up here for two years, staring down that sunset. Killing herself, slowly, in the hopes that it’d bring her the only thing she’d ever really wanted.

JACKET: The sun is almost down.

You are shivering.

JUNO: Yeah, well.

JACKET: There are coats downstairs.

JUNO: (CALLING) This is pointless, Buddy! She didn’t even hear you!

God, you really have one of those music machine things up here too? Does anybody even go up here?

JACKET: Would you like me to turn it off?

JUNO: Didn’t say that.

JACKET: Hm.

JUNO (NARRATOR): So we waited, and the sun kept setting.

I-I mean, it was a pretty thought, wasn’t it? That the past could really leap back into your arms, have your love back… have your brother back.

But it was just a fantasy – and soon the sun had set, we were in the dark with nothing but soft-boiled brains to show for all our dreaming.

JACKET: The sun has set.

JUNO: I can see that, thanks.

(CALLING) Alright, Bud, show’s over, time to go home. You and I only got one eye apiece and neither one of us can afford to lose—

SOUND: LOUD POWERING UP. POP.

MUSIC: CHANGES.

JUNO (NARRATOR): The lighthouse lights came on, and… there they were. Buddy and Vespa. Vespa and Buddy.

Seeing ‘em together like this, I saw just a glimmer of who they used to be, and… there was something huge about ‘em. Something bigger than life, bigger than people, bigger than all the years they’d been apart.

Then the lights mellowed a little. And they were just two women who barely knew each other again, and the feet between them could’ve been miles.

BUDDY: Vespa… you’re really here.

VESPA: Buddy… it’s really you.

SOUND: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS. SOFT SIGHS.

BUDDY: Vespa, I’m not assuming… a kiss, it doesn’t have to mean anything, darling. We’re just going to try this, see if it works, and—

VESPA: Oh, save it, Bud.

SOUND: THEY KISS.

JACKET: Well. A happy ending.

JUNO: (SNIFFS) Yeah.

JACKET: I think it is time for us to leave, now. They have much to catch up on.

Are you crying, Juno?

JUNO: (SNIFFS) Shut up. You’re crying.

Let’s go. Whatever.

JACKET: Indeed. You are owed payment for your services. We’ll leave tonight.

JUNO: Sure. Tonight. Fine.

BUDDY & VESPA: (DISTANT, UNINTELLIGIBLE)

JUNO: Stupid music machine. Oughta be a law.

JACKET: Would you like me to turn it off before we leave?

JUNO: No, just… let it play.

Let it play.

BUDDY: (DISTANT) Darling. You wouldn’t be hungry, would you? I know a wonderful place around the corner…

(LAUGHS)

MUSIC: ENDS.

***

SOUND: TRAIN MOVING, MUSIC.

CONDUCTOR: If you’ve enjoyed this tale, please consider donating to The Penumbra on Patreon. Our artists work tirelessly to bring you these stories, and if you have the means, we hope you will support our efforts. Every dollar helps. You can find that page at patreon.com/thepenumbrapodcast. If you support us on Patreon at the $10 level or higher, you’ll receive access to commentary tracks like this one, from actors Sarah Gazdowicz, William Schuller, Chloe Cunha, and co-creator Kevin Vibert:

SOUND: TRAIN STOPS, DOOR SLIDES OPEN, RAIN.

WILLIAM: Sometimes you gotta take time out, and, figure out what the noun endings for basqueezy are.

KEVIN & SARAH: (LAUGH)

WILLIAM: And that-that’s just where you’re– where you’re at as a writer. (LAUGHS)

KEVIN: (LAUGHS) Um… yeah, I mean I know that, uh, from, from, the… from the writing perspective, uh, I really based a lot of their, like, mannerisms, a lot of the, uh, like, little side things, the patterns of their language, on a lot of my extended, uh, French family. Um, which is why you’ve got, which is why you’ve got Rasbach’s top everything…

SOUND: DOOR SLIDES SHUT.

CONDUCTOR: You can also support The Penumbra by liking us on Facebook, following us on Twitter @thepenumbrapod, following us on Tumblr @thepenumbrapodcast, telling your friends about us, telling your friends to tell their friends about us, and especially by rating and reviewing our podcast on iTunes. Every rating, comment, and kind word spreads our stories further and inspires us to keep creating more and better tales to come.

We would like to give special thanks to all who support us on Patreon, but especially to Camille Blanton, Ota Arcana, Juno Yanto, Regan, Ko, KC, Atha Lang, Vron, Charlie Spiegel, Minchowski, and Jaimie Gunter for their incredibly generous contributions per episode. Thank you.

Did you know that The Penumbra has merchandise for sale? It’s true! The Penumbra has partnered with DFTBA to bring you the posters, shirts, and pins your heart desires. Just go to dftba.com and search for The Penumbra Podcast.

This tale, Juno Steel and the Time Gone By, was told by the following people: Joshua Ilon as Juno Steel, Alexander Stravinski as the Man in the Brown Jacket, Sarah Gazdowicz as Buddy Aurinko, William Schuller as Rasbach, and Chloe Cunha as Vespa.

The Penumbra is created and produced by Sophie Kaner and Kevin Vibert. If you wish to know more about our ever-expanding, infinitely-creative team of artists, musicians, editors, designers, and managers, you can read about them in the show notes of this episode.

I’m afraid this is the end of the line for today, dear Traveler. We hope you will ride with The Penumbra again soon.

ALL SOUNDS: FADE OUT.

#juno steel

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