lemongogo · 25 days ago
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#hi im j here 2 talk . saw this cow yday so i drew her and now u get 2 say hi#but omffgg my gd i dont know if any of u relate but i feel like my ability to socialize w others#specifically online and speciifically in interest-circles has gotten so much harder for no reason whatsoever#like im just becoming more self conscious ab how i portray myself and its so weird bc like . LIKEE I DONT KNOW like . ok#people r super njce . always super nice and reach out to me and talk w me or i reach out first and they respond and r soo sweet#and something happens in my brain where like . i feel like im suddenly like . inserting myself where i dont belong (not true) but why am i#the bus driver all of a sudden . in all of these situations . me when i just show up like hey#i think i j feel annoying >__< . and i dont want to bother other people but said people r literally never bothered ykwim like Will Reach Out#and im the one that pulls back but 4 no reason . i cant even think ab why i do that .why am i doing this 🧨#so many ppl i want to genuinely befriend in all of these spaces but im self sabotaging soo frwaking bad#literally rn thinking of some dms i left on read bc i panicked or mutuals ive talked w before who im nervous 2 be familiar w . hrmm#anyways . i kind of wish i had the ability 2 just talk to new people and not actually gaf ab the outcome#HELPP .. early tmblr or wcf or devart where u have thirty million friends 2 now where u r too scared 2 say hi to an almost friend .#me problem though . if not alr clear HEJAHHAAHA i think part of my reluctance also stems from the fact that i know i get this way#and so i dont want 2 rope someone else into that insecurity so i try to keep it at an arms length until i fix it#but i think i also know its a longer & more introspective thing to work on so i do need to just try anyways
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14dayswithyou · 1 year ago
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Is there any character from the cast Ren is willing to tolerate or maybe even starts some kind of friendship with them over time?
✦゜ANSWERED: Probably only River — but even then — it's extremely unlikely ^^; Ren genuinely doesn't have the ability nor capacity to feel empathy for anyone other than Angel, so any form of friendship would be strictly one-sided and doomed for failure T_T
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sawxwhxrex · 4 months ago
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i’m desperately in need of friends so i’m gonna put my interests in the tags in the hopes of finding others with similar interests my dms are open to anyone over 18 n not a creep
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touchstone-telephone · 25 days ago
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definitely something that’s been said before but i’m listening to the media club plus q+a and keith is talking about how he don’t understand a dm hiding dice rolls from players. and it made me think about how a lot of my favorite moments in actual play media come from failed rolls. like first of all failures make successes more satisfying of course. but as story beats themselves i love when things go wrong and i love when actions have consequences <3 i eat it up every time
i really admire that about the fatt crew: they never seem afraid of failure meta-wise. like there are scary in-universe moments, sure, but those get talked out or adjusted if it’s needed (which definitely contributes to embracing bad rolls. as far as i remember it’s only happened a couple times but it’s kinda refreshing to hear them go “we recorded an entirely different scene and hated it so we’re redoing it”. when you know something like that’s an option it makes it a lot easier to risk failure). like there are moments where they choose to fail an action because it’s more interesting that way, sometimes without even rolling. they’ve played a couple systems now where the player chooses their own type/level of harm. idk. failure as an opportunity instead of something to be avoided at all costs is so powerful
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jittyjames · 6 months ago
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i have a stomach virus, i’m on the worst period of my life (i have pcos so this is pretty up there), AND my mom might have cancer bc something was found. the test results are actually the slowest and it is not good for my anxiety. is this the ao3 author curse or the beginning of summer break curse?
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evil-mcytblrconfessions · 4 months ago
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sobbing rn thinking of the friends ive made through mcyts.....i love you all whether we're talking right now or havent talked in years.....you all have a special place in my heart......we may have met through liking cubitos but we grew well beyond that....sorry im having thoughts
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#confessions#wholesome#literally this!!! youre so correct nonnie!!!!#i love my mcyt friends too#i love the people in that three year old gc that gets spammed mostly with anime these days#i love the various people ive friended on discord that i never talk to anymore but still look through our dms sometimes#i love the people that i still talk to even if they have other interests noe#i love the people thst i still talk to even if they dont have other interests now#i love the people in thwt new gc less than two weeks old#i love my tumblr mutuals tht i dont talk to but see on my dash and go ᗡ: knowing that i followed them for mcyt even if theyre notinto it no#i love the people in the discord server that kinda imploded on itself but made such a big impact on my life#(<- half of these tags refer to people i met through said server)#i love my qpp who still listens to me rant at it abt mcyt#i love the new people i meet i love the old people i dont talk to#i love the people that i start out talking to about mcyt but conversations grow far beyond that#i love the person that i meow back and forth in dms with instead of really talking#i love the people that did so so so much for me when i joined the fandom at 11 and werent creepy towards me (thank fuck)#i love the people that encouraged me to write that encouraged me to draw to look at these cubitos and be creative about it#i love the fanfiction authors that i know that rant about their fics to me in dms#i love the fanartists that send me their wips of block people and i will cheer them on#i love absolutely everyone who made this fandom a home for me for what feels like my entire life#i love you. thank you.#mcyt fandom has done so much for me#90% of the people i know today; i know through mcyt fandom#i would not be who i am today without yall#i love you everyone who was a friend to me through mcyt fandom#Ɛ>
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smaeemo · 6 months ago
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people make fun of furries so much, and ngl I was unaware of really what they were until my “introduction(ish)” through a 3hour queer reading of beastars.
Like genuinely, I don’t care if someone is a furry. Like I am genuinely interested, and FUCK fursuits are expensive and so impressive. Fursonas? Cool af, like I genuinely don’t have issues with furries in general.
Just like anything, I’m not gonna dislike someone for their interests/hobbies/etc. I’m gonna dislike them for their putrid personality
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battle-subway-ghost · 9 months ago
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// actually- using this bit where Paris is knocked out to slide in for a moment. This blog is coming up on 200 followers soon (which- Holy shit, I still can't process that completely. Thank you??? I never expected this blog to get this big in the first place.)
...But onto the main point.
I've had this idea in my head of a larger scale event- illustrated, different universe, all that jazz, since late October or so. It'd expand on a lot of personal lore, and a shared story between the mod behind @tinkatinktrain that's been in the works for years now.
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nobodysdaydreams · 1 year ago
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Benedict Twins Neurodivergent Head Canons (by popular request)
At first I was going to make a post about all the MBS character's neurodivergencies, then I realized I had wayyyy too many for the twins alone.
Then I also realized that despite my efforts to try and separate them by diagnoses, a lot of their symptoms are the same thing in different fonts and with different diagnoses emphasized throughout the show. So here is everything I came up with.
(Warning: insanely long and unhinged post ahead. Feel free to disagree with any of these. Just don't be ableist please!).
My head canons for the twins:
ADHD-inattentive type - mostly Nicholas, possibly season 2 Nathaniel
Autism - mostly Nicholas, you could argue Nathaniel also has it
Anxiety/OCD symptoms - mostly Nathaniel in season 1, you could argue Nicholas has other forms of anxiety
BPD - mostly Nathaniel in season 2, you could argue Nicholas also has it
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) - Both twins have it, and I think Nathaniel also has CSD, and I will explain what that is
Maladaptive Daydreaming (MADD) - I don't know if both twins have it, but there are some scenes they were in the had the vibe going for sure
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ADHD-inattentive type:
Nicholas' ADHD-I head canon mostly comes from personal experience (that's been my official diagnosis since childhood). Specifically, the way they wrote the show version of the character was way too relatable to me. The fact that there are so many books on his desk cluttered everywhere? Him dismissing the food Number Two tries to give him in that one scene even though he ordered it? The flashbacks of Nathaniel having to tell Nicholas to make sure his appearance looked good? Flashback Nicholas showing up late for the orphanage pageant? The general scatterbrain tendencies? Nicholas getting emotionally overwhelmed when he has too much to do or can't find a way out of a situation? I love the man, but thank goodness he has Rhonda and Number Two to do the executive functioning for him because if they didn't he would be in trouble. Those scenes were way too relatable, as were the scenes of him feeling guilty for being a burden to his friends family because they handle so much for him.
Since this head canon comes entirely from my own experiences, it's probably the easiest for me to write. I haven't done much with it in my fics yet because I've been focusing a bit more on the plot™️ and other characters, but when writing season 2 content, especially from Nicholas' perspective and how it changes after he's been given the happiness technique, I do intend to do a few things to incorporate this head canon into how I write his scenes.
It's also worth noting that while I see this head canon as mostly applying to Nicholas, Nathaniel does seem to have more ADHD-I symptoms in season 2. Season 1 he has a lot of anxiety (which I will talk about), but in season 2, he's a lot more quirky and scatterbrained and relaxed once his anxiety symptoms are decreased, and I could see ADHD being a head canon for him as well, it's just that his anxiety masks his executive dysfunction more than Nicholas' does. Of course, there are a lot of other possible reasons for Nathaniel's change in personality between seasons, and I'm gonna talk about those too.
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Autism:
Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD): So unlike the ADHD head canon, the autism head canon is one that I am not professionally diagnosed with, but I am familiar with it through irl friends that I've had that have been professionally diagnosed with autism. It's also worth noting that this is not really my own head canon or an unpopular one, other people in the fandom have mentioned this head canon before).
It's also a head canon that I think makes a lot of sense, especially in the show, they mention multiple times that Nicholas was at one point an academic, which could imply him having special interests and hyper fixations. During the flashbacks of him at the orphanage we really don't see him interact with anyone other than Nathaniel, which could be due to a number of factors, but could also suggest that maybe Nicholas struggled socially. This is support by the fact that when he rants at Nathaniel in 1x8, he says Nathaniel always tried "to control me [Nicholas], to control your friends", but Nicholas doesn't say our friends or my friends, and the only friends of his own mentioned from childhood are Nathaniel (who his says was his best friend), and Tommy Jacobs (who Nathaniel told him to stay away from and was implied to be a social outcast) suggesting that Nathaniel was the one building and maintaining the twin's social circle, though of course that's speculation.
I also previously talked about Nicholas being emotionally overwhelmed, and I know I connected that more to my own experience of ADHD-I symptoms, but I could see it being connected to experiences of autism as well, such as autistic burnout, autistic meltdowns, or sensory overload, I suppose it's open to interpretation especially if you head canon Nicholas as having both ADHD and Autism and consider all the ways that ADHD and Autism can coexist and interact within the same person.
It's also worth noting that Nathaniel is also seen misinterpreting social situations and struggling to connect with his peers both in flashback and in the show. In the flashbacks, he doesn't pick up the fact that the perspective parents don't like him or that people are displeased with his morning after performance. In the present, he has to basically twist Garrison's arm into a friendship and has so many weird and uncomfortable scenes where he tries to offer her "a chance to share the spotlight" and gives her champagne she can't drink where it looks like he's attempting to get her to genuinely like him but he just keeps missing the mark and getting more and more frustrated. I suppose you can also head canon this as ASD if you want since it is a pattern of social struggles that has followed him into adulthood (especially since Nicholas and Nathaniel are twins and would likely have similar symptoms), but it's also important to remember that Nathaniel is an antagonist, so I could understand where this head canon could also be taken negatively.
As for how I incorporate ASD head canons into my fic, since ASD is a disorder I have a lot of personal familiarity with, but am not diagnosed with myself, I try to write it in a way where I keep what's canon canon, I talk mostly about the symptoms I'm familiar with or have heard friends of mine describe (I mention Nicholas stimming as a child and struggling to understand social situations, getting very emotionally overwhelmed, etc.).
One thing I was mindful of, especially when writing my fic was that even though Nicholas (and SQ, who I'll talk more about in another post) having autism is a fairly popular head canon made mostly by autistic people, I still wanted to make sure that when I focused in or hinted at those symptoms that I did it well and did it respectfully.
For example, one problematic trope that can happen in autism representation is infantilizing or having them portrayed as sweet and innocent characters, but also characters without a lot of agency, and I did worry a bit about that when writing them from Nathaniel's point of view, and talking about things like him not trusting SQ to make his own decisions, and viewing Nicholas as incapable or incompetent. I really tried to make it super clear that this is how Curtain or other characters are viewing them at various points in time, but it's not necessarily how they actually are. So far I think that I've been able to make that clear, at least I haven't heard anyone say that my portrayal is problematic or bad, and I have gotten a lot of comments saying that I do a fairly good job of switching between the POVs of different characters and showing how certain things from one character's perspective are incorrect in another's. But again, while I have some personal experience with ASD, I don't have it myself, so I'm curious to know what people with ASD think about this head canon and whether it's an accurate and positive one, and if any of you guys think that it's a problematic head canon, or does more harm than good, please let me know.
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Anxiety/OCD:
Anxiety/OCD Symptoms: My background with OCD and anxiety is that I have several family members and friends with anxiety and OCD, and I know that it's a really difficult disorder to live with especially when you're trying to deal with it on your own.
I know there have been a couple people who have already pointed out Nathaniel's OCD and anxiety-like behaviors, especially in the ways that it parallels Sticky's anxiety and OCD tendencies (and I might do another post talking more in depth about Sticky but if you haven't read Sophie's amazing fic about it, do that now).
I noticed these symptoms of Curtain's mostly in season 1, where Curtain started out as a seemingly confident and calm evil mastermind behind the Emergency and then became increasingly anxious and upset the more he lost control. You could also argue the way the Institute is governed by so many rules designed to not look like rules and Curtain's extreme need for control and orderliness are also signs of OCD or anxious tendencies. (and his anxiety and frustration when that control and order is disrupted, such a when he screams at his stenographer that "every minor detail" matters).
In my fic, I do a few examples of Curtain experiencing intrusive and negative thought patterns and using control to try and cope with that, but since it's not a disorder I've been diagnosed with or symptoms I personally experience, I try to keep it within Nathaniel's canon concerns (his fear of failure, being abandoned by his friends and family, his paranoia and mistrust of others especially when he's investigating the kids in season 1 and assumes Nicholas came to the island to mock him).
There's also a scene where Curtain makes SQ believe that his friend Reynie is only trying to take advantage of him, and while it's an example of Curtain letting his own anxieties and fears overshadow what's best for his son, I really try to write in an way that emphasizes that Curtain does believe he is doing the right thing and protecting him, even if he's not doing it correctly. While I mostly focus on his anxiety and OCD symptoms and tendencies in season 1 (because that's when they are emphasized the most), you could also argue he has them a bit towards the end of season 2 as well, but I also think that might be RSD related, which I'll talk about later.
I have also considered possibly exploring more about his relationship with Nicholas especially within the context of my head canon of Nicholas having ADHD and Nathaniel having OCD, because I've had those kind of relationships irl, and sometimes it's balanced really well, because the person with OCD is usually better at executive functioning while the person with ADHD can provide distraction from negative thoughts and reassurance/emotional support, and those are the kinds of relationships I've had that have worked really well. However, I've also had relationships, mostly with roommates, where things just don't match up; they want a roommate with a certain level of cleanliness that follows a steady and predictable routine they can plan around (when you shower, when you bring guests over, etc.) and I just can't live like that and it's no fun getting bullied and nagged all the time and it's also no fun living with someone who is messy and unpredictable, so I can understand why in a situation where both these things were happening, Nicholas leaving created very complicated feelings for both of them.
I'm not sure if I'll have the chance to explore that more in flashbacks or maybe in season 2 when they spend more time together, but it is an interesting dynamic. And just like I said with Nicholas' ASD head canon, while I have some personal experience with OCD and anxiety through friends and family members, I don't have it myself, so I'm curious to know what people with OCD and anxiety think about this head canon and whether it's an accurate or positive one (because even though Nathaniel does grow and change, he's still an antagonist for most of the series especially in season 1), and if any of you guys think that it's a problematic head canon, or does more harm than good, please let me know.
It's also worth pointing out the Nicholas does have some anxious tendencies as well (this has been mentioned by several people in the fandom, and also Nicholas and Nathaniel are identical twins, so it is likely they'd have similar neurotypes), but he also has a better emotional support system than Nathaniel does, so it's likely easier for him to manage his anxiety in a healthy way vs. Nathaniel relying on control. I'd be interested in hearing what people with OCD and anxiety think about this and whether it could apply to both twins.
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Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) symptoms:
BPD Symptoms: Since BPD is a less known disorder, I'll first explain that it's a personality disorder (PD) with 9 symptoms (you need 5 symptoms for diagnosis, which leaves 256 possible types of BPD) and it's often linked to some form of abandonment related childhood trauma (a parent leaving, dying, being emotionally distant or abusive, etc.). I will say I was on the fence about this one, and debated including it in my post at all, because I want to acknowledge that head canoning a character, especially a villain character, with a PD can be stereotyping and problematic if not done correctly (though there are many villain characters who have been head cannoned as having BPD by people with BPD (pwBPD) including Anakin from Star Wars, Catra from She-Ra, and Azula from ATLA).
Additionally, I'm also not someone diagnosed with PD, and wouldn't make head canons unless I thought it could be positive or accurate representation. And I think season 2 Nathaniel might qualify for that. Maybe, it's a little complicated. My experience with PDs and BPD comes from knowing people with it irl, but specifically older people with BPD (older than 45), who tend to present differently than younger people because they are on average less likely to have received mental health help or a diagnosis when they were younger and the relationships and goals you have and prioritize at 60 are not the same as the ones you had at 25. I specify season 2 Nathaniel when I talk about his BPD symptoms, mostly because that was when I noticed them. Going into season 2, I did not have BPD in mind as a head canon for him at all. But watching season 2, there were a lot of his scenes where I found myself saying "this looks familiar" and "wait...are they trying to portray BPD in an older person?" and then I realized that when you took out a DSM checklist and looked back at the character...he does fit the criteria pretty well.
However, just fitting a set of DSM criteria doesn't mean a character is good representation, and even accurate representation can still be stereotypical representation (*cough cough* Number Two's mom). Whether Nathaniel could be considered good BPD rep is a difficult question to answer for a couple reasons. The first is because characters with PDs are often stereotyped as villains and antagonists, and while Nathaniel is a sympathetic, likeable, and ultimately redeemed antagonist, he's still an antagonist (not as much of an antagonist as Anakin "the women and children too" Skywalker, a BPD head canon often made by individuals with BPD (plus more about his symptoms here)), but still an antagonist. And while people with BPD have head canoned antagonists as also having BPD, these are usually well-loved antagonists with popular and clear redemption arcs, and Nathaniel's book counterpart (who, for the record DOES NOT have any mental health disorder he's just awful) is very different from his character in the show. So even if Nathaniel is good BPD rep, if someone unfamiliar with how different the MBS show and books are sees the head canon and applies it to the book character on accident, it could leave them with a very false and negative view of the disorder. You could argue this could also easily happen with Nathaniel's anxiety head canon and his control issues, and it could, but anxiety isn't generally vilified nearly as much as PDs.
But on the other hand, I could also see where Nathaniel's BPD could be a positive head canon, and there were a lot of things about it that I really liked. BPD has slowly started to get more positive rep in the media and in the world of psychology in general, but stories with themes of self-improvement where the pwBPD is portrayed in a positive light are still normally reserved for younger people (20s/30s/early 40s) and people without kids. When older pwBPD, especially untreated or undiagnosed individuals and especially individuals with kids are shown in media or talked about in psychology...let's just say it's not great. Now, obviously untreated mental health symptoms can negatively effect the people around you and cause serious damage after so many years, but the lack of positive growth stories about older pwBPD has always bothered me because it completely ignores any good qualities they have, or even the possibility of getting help later in life, and I hate seeing people that I love consistently talked about and portrayed so negatively not just in media but in the field of psychology in general. I also think it's a bit ageist to say that young people can get help for their mental health disorders and improve, but that it's too late for older adults.
That's why I love so much of what they did with Nathaniel's character. They didn't dismiss the impact his symptoms had on his family and SQ, but they also didn't completely blame it all on his BPD symptoms (in fact, in season 1, his anxiety symptoms seemed to be the main focus). They also established very early on that Nathaniel was a redeemable and sympathetic character and wasn't meant to be a copy of his book counterpart (Reynie's 1x8 speech about how Curtain is a good person). Additionally, once his BPD symptoms were more present in season 2, that was when Nathaniel became more likeable in the eyes of the fandom, not less likeable, and I really like that they did that. For as much as we make jokes about hitting Curtain with his golf cart and hating him, I've also seen a lot of people talk about reluctantly coming around to loving his character as they've rewatched Season 2, and I was one of them for sure. I loved that they showed how silly and fun his character was, and how yeah, he's not thinking clearly and is actively committing crimes, but really all he wants is a world where he is loved and has his family with him, he doesn't actually want to hurt anyone. Then there's the fact that his narcolepsy trigger is vulnerability and how that could connect to his self-image, and the fact that the society kids have trauma linked to abandonment that could led to the development of BPD later and how that connects to themes of healing generational trauma (also side note: children can't have a BPD diagnosis so while the kids do have abandonment related traumas and you can draw parallels there, you can't head canon them with BPD to mirror Nathaniel the same way you can head canon other diagnosis between the adults and kids, like with Nicholas and SQ both having autism).
However, the positive aspects of Nathaniel as a BPD character ironically can also be seen as a bad thing, because on the one hand, it's nice to see an older person with possible BPD getting a self-improvement story arc and sympathetic portrayal, but on the other hand: the show was cancelled. And that was really upsetting to me, especially because becoming "a good guy" didn't completely remove Nathaniel's BPD or anxiety symptoms, but they showed him dealing with them in a more healthy way with a support system, and that's such a great message, and we have so little representation of that, so I'm glad they hinted at that...but they totally could have done more with it, and I'm so sad that they can't now because it's a message that does not go unappreciated.
For writing Nathaniel's BPD symptoms into my fic, this is a bit complicated, because while Nathaniel does have a lot of canon symptoms (abandonment related fears, mood swings, moments of anger, unstable relationships, impulsive career change and self identity between seasons, etc.), and I really don't need to add anything, it's still a matter of debate whether it's good representation or not, and I could see people interpreting his character a number of ways. So while I sticking to canon, I still leave things ambiguous. For example, there's a scene in my fic where Curtain admits he doesn't have a stable identity because he avoids vulnerability. You could say that's also due to BPD/unstable self-image or you could say it's entirely due to his canon narcolepsy trigger. It's up to you whether you want the BPD rep there or not, because I've reviewed posts and tips written by people with BPD about writing representation, and recognize that while Nathaniel fits the DSM criteria pretty well and the show focuses a lot on his abandonment issues and symptoms, he is still an antagonist for most of the series. A likable and ultimately redeemed antagonist, but still an antagonist, which means the plot of the show and my fic, while it's ultimately driving him to redemption, still require him do some pretty bad antagonistic things regardless of whether they are directly connected to any symptoms that he has (consider this your warning), and I can see why that aspect of it might be a turn off, which is why I leave the rep open to the interpretation of the reader.
As I mentioned, there are 256 possible types of BPD, I don't expect that everyone with BPD would relate to Nathaniel, and this is also generally a younger fandom (teens/20s/30s) and a big reason I like Nathaniel's rep is because he's portraying what I've seen in older as opposed to younger people with BPD, so it's possible someone with BPD looking at this character would either see it more as a representation of an older family member (because these things do run in families) or wouldn't be able to relate to him. But I'd still be curious to know what people with BPD think about this head canon and whether they agree that's what's being represented here and if so, whether it was done accurately or positively, and just like with other head canons, if any of you guys think that this head canon is problematic or does more harm than good, please let me know.
I'd also be curious to know what people think about Nicholas possibly also having BPD, because he did grow up in an orphanage and his adoptive parents don't seem to be around anymore. He also seems convinced that his friends will leave him whenever he makes a mistake, which...again it could be the anxiety, it could be that both twins have BPD...it could go a number of ways.
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RSD and CSD:
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD): I know anxiety is also a popular Nicholas head canon, but I did want to mention the ways that I see Nicholas' flavor of anxiety as very RSD oriented. For those that don't know what RSD is, it's when you experience severe emotional pain because of failure or being rejected, and it's often related to ADHD. In my personal experience, it's a lot worse when you feel like you've messed up in a moral sense, done something wrong, hurt someone, or let someone down, especially when the other person assumes that you have malicious intentions, or did something on purpose. You just feel like you want to delete every memory of what happened or destroy yourself to make it go away. It can also happen in response to constructive criticisms too if the person still feels that they really messed up or hurt someone.
I see a lot of RSD/anxious tendencies in Nicholas, specifically in response to what he did to Nathaniel, but also at the thought of something happening to the children or his friends and it being his fault for creating the Sender and dragging them into this. This is also supported by the fact that Nicholas' anxiety seemed to go up a lot after 1x03 when he finds out Nathaniel is the Sender and he has his little breakdown in the woods. Obviously he's always been anxious about the operation in general, who wouldn't be, but once he realizes he might have himself to blame if things go wrong or if one of the children gets hurt, that's when the anxiety really starts to come. Again, you can feel free to disagree with this head canon and I could see Nicholas having anxiety in other situations as well, but as someone with ADHD-I who head canons Nicholas that way, this was something I picked up on.
Compliment Sensitivity Dysphoria (CSD): I talked about RSD with Nicholas and how it's common in ADHD-I, but RSD is common in other disorders too, and Curtain definitely has it, but I think he has something else as well. A little phenomena I also experience on occasion, which I have named "Compliment Sensitivity Dysphoria" (not a clinical term, my own term). I don't know if it's a thing other people with ADHD-I experience, or maybe just those of us who have a family history of other stuff and it's a combination of things that's causing it, but basically, it's the opposite of RSD. With RSD, you get one negative comment, you want to destroy yourself, but with CSD, you get complimented once, you develop a God complex.
I know I talked about the show's focus switching from looking at Nathaniel's anxiety symptoms in season 1 to his BPD symptoms in season 2, but something else changes between seasons 1 and 2 and that's the characters surrounding Nathaniel. In Season 1, he's getting criticized by Garrison, Nicholas tells him off at the end, his son is disobeying him, and he feels attacked. Season 2, everybody praises his every move all the time, leaving him open to CSD. Now speaking from personal experience, the CSD God complex thing is very fun, but you gotta watch out for those pesky consequences™️ because if you don't, the RSD will come back worse than you could ever imagine, so you need to look out (which, obviously, our poor Nathaniel did not do). I also love the way he apologizes at the end: "I might have been going about things the wrong way (nearly froze thousands of people including my own family) so let's just go now and never talk about it again because if I reflect on the bad things I did I will self-destruct so let's all just move on now thank you :)" absolutely iconic. Accountability king right there.
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Maladaptive Daydreaming (MADD):
For those who don't know what maladaptive daydreaming is, I'll admit, I'm not as active with the MADD tumblr community (it does exist though) and you can google it, but if you've ever paced around or stimmed while listening to music and zoning about thinking about fictional characters, that's basically what that is, but it's only technically considered maladaptive if done to an unhealthy degree, but obviously what constitutes an "unhealthy degree" is a more vaguely defined area. MADD is incredibly common in people with ADHD (specifically, ADHD-Inattentive type), but it's also very common in OCD, ASD, and personality disorders as well.
MADD presents differently in different people, but in my experience, the dancing and stimming to repetitive or happy music is the format that tends to trigger the most euphoria. Which is interesting for someone like Nicholas, because having a form of narcolepsy that causes him to pass out when he feels real joy means he wouldn't have had the chance to experience MADD like that, until he's given the artificial happiness by Curtain. And once Curtain does? Nicholas is cheerfully pacing around his apartment (I think I commented somewhere on a live blog that it looked like MADD), and then there's the whole "dance party in the field scene", big MADD vibes there.
MADD also has an overlap with ASD (hence the stimming and motor stereotypy that often happens during the daydreaming), and OCD (because both involve repetitive and uncontrollable thoughts, it's just that the thoughts associated with MADD are fun and addictive thoughts instead of distressing ones. But they can still be harmful if taken to an extreme).
Again, clinically, I'm not sure if Nicholas has enough instances to be "diagnosed" with MADD, but those scenes in season 2 had the vibes going so I just thought I'd mention it. Also, a canonically autistic character that I (and many others) head canon with MADD is Abed Nadir from "Community" if you are interested in looking for another example of MADD in someone with autism.
Finally, you can maybe make the argument that Curtain has MADD as well, or at least one instance of it.
Again, I wouldn't say the MADD aspect is overly focused on in Nicholas or Nathaniel, but it's common in OCD, ASD, ADHD, and PDs (all of which tend to run together in families), and Nathaniel's Stand Back Dance had the vibe going for sure. Between moving across the world between seasons, getting a new career, and doing his little dance, the man was entering his Rebecca Bunch era (and if you don't know who that is, Rebecca Bunch is a pretty well known canon BPD representation from the tv show Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, and I've seen a lot of people head canon her with maladaptive daydreaming as well. She's also likely going to be Nathaniel's competition if he makes into the theater kid showdown, so for reference here's a clip of her experiencing RSD).
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Finally, since these are all disorders I know a lot about, I'm happy to answer any questions (as long as you keep it respectful and no ableist. Remember the RSD), and if you feel like any of these head canons are harmful and/or problematic, please let me know (mostly concerned about Nathaniel's head canons since he's a bad guy, but if you think Nicholas' head canons are problematic as well, feel free to message about those too. Again, remembering that I did this with the best of intentions and also the RSD).
Also, since the Benedict brothers are identical twins, and you could argue they both had signs of all the disorders, which all tend to run together in families anyway, so if you want to skip the DSM technicalities and what's popular in fandom and throw up your hands and say "they both have ASD/ADHD/OCD/BPD" it's a head canon, it can be whatever I want!" then know that I fully support you in that quest.
And for those who might not be as familiar with one or more of these disorders, or didn't realize they had such a strong genetic overlap and are interested in learning more, I have resources for that too!
Misdiagnosis Monday has some great charts of symptom overlap. I include some below.
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bogglebabbles · 6 months ago
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I used to be one of those 'post everything on main' people but the more I want to yell about my OCs, the more I am compelled to make sideblogs for each of the franchises they belong to because I fear the mortifying ordeal of being known by people who are annoyed by my self-indulgence.
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newyikecity · 10 months ago
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tagged by @romansmartini to post my top 9 first watches of 2023 (which made me v excited bc i am soso normal abt movies<3)
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there it is. ✨ I didn't watch too many new movies in 2023 (i have hyperfixates on tv shows disease) but I'm thankful to say I watched a ton I really liked! Including Recovery which only exists on youtube as far as I know but is well worth it and def the most unexpected gem of this list.
tagging @ctrl-esc, @frengers, @andbutsowhen, @bjerre, @wambs, @modernoracleofdelphi and any other dear mutuals who are interested. I love to snoop on what other ppl have been watchin 👀
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dizzybevvie · 2 months ago
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For the choose violence ask game, would you mind doing 3 and/or 24 for ace attorney or httyd?
AAAA YEASS >:))) HTTYD
3. Worst take you've seen
OH GODDD I. WOW SO MANY. i think the question specifies tumblr but im in a httyd discord server (which is super inactive now but super duper thrived in early 2023) and the amount of strange people in there was wiiild
I remember seeing someone who absolutely HATED Astrid with their whole being, like made an OC to replace her etc etc, but like just COMPLETELY missed the point of her character.
Idk if I ever interacted with them directly but one of the main reasons they hated her is because in HTTYD2 when Hiccup becomes chief she smiles. Baffling. Like, she's obviously very upset Stoick is dead, but she's smiling because she's proud and staying strong for Hiccup. she's not "happy that Hiccup is getting the throne". i remember thinking it was so weird specifically because almost anything negative you can say about Astrid, you can say about Snotlout. but they had no problem with him. figures
24. Topic that brings up the most rancid discourse
oh godddd okay uhhh. i dont super-duper interact with the httyd fandom space outside of tumblr so i dont really knowwww. The Hidden World and the light fury is always crazy but idk.
The Snotcup debate is always fun /sar. I understand that they are not CANONICALLY cousins in the movie series but i truly just cannot see them as anything else theyre so cousins to me. i do NOT like Snotcup even a little bit.
Dagcup too actually? Dagur calling Hiccup "brother" of course but the age difference is the most concerning bit to me LMAO. I'm more of a Riders/Defenders of Berk enjoyer, so in my head theyre like, 15 and 20. not for me. (Although in my experience Dagur fans are often the biggest freaks sorry sorry sorry sorry)
I havent seen bad ship discourse in httyd fandom tbh but im sure it exists especially on twitter 💀.
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kuromi-hoemie · 5 months ago
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I saw your post about wanting to torture someone with tickles. Hope I'm not stepping over the line to say hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii about it
you're not but i was talking about irl 🫡
also bc i don't really talk about it ig, the secret to whether I'm receptive/flirty/etc with you (generally, not you specifically, this is a turn and talk at the audience moment) is i will leave you little earnest love notes in the tags of your selfies when i reblog them.
don't post face? ❌ not interested
do but i never interact? ❌ not interested
like... a girl just likes to be open about what she's thinking and i love giving compliments just bc and do it all the time both on and offline, so there's def not any expectations w my tags, but they can also be taken as a tiny bow of courtship u can choose to act on or not 🙇🏾‍♀️
i know other ppl are very into anons or just hitting it off with anybody or whatever but i think that like. For Me, the ideal interaction is we both rb each other with some nice tags - showing and reciprocating in a very non-committal/no expectations kinda way, and after seeing that it's mutual then sure go for it 👍🏾
i love sharing audio sometimes and tbh might start moving nudes/lewds back to more private channels bc i forgot How Many People you have to block after posting them lmaoo.
🫵🏾 but i do appreciate tags being left for me and tbh sometimes i miss that accounts that usually post their body also Do share their face and they're very hot and i feel very silly for missing it ಠ⁠ᴥ⁠ಠ ♡⁠ hi oomfies sorry for being late to the party but it's good to be here.
anyways. i like this more subtle/non-committal kind of acknowledgement first, bc if i get asks or DMs i either have to ignore it or tell people I'm not attracted to them which is always really awkward 😶‍🌫️ especially for people I've never even talked to before, or people who take the tiniest bit of very simple acknowledgement and flood my DMs over everything.
which again, compliments are fine, but like.. a Talk To Me mindset bundled with it is imposing u guys 👉🏾👈🏾 just bc someone is cute doesn't mean they have to talk to u, just bc they say thank u to an unsolicited DM doesn't mean they want u to send a dozen more. without even getting a response to any of them too.... 🥸
I'm just kinda here to have fun and i like sharing myself and my thoughts to different degrees but none of it is rly an open invitation or a request. just keep it in the tags pls. tags r what usually pique my interest anyhow!! i like people who got something to say 🙇🏾‍♀️
i want to reemphasize this is a very general message and not at u specifically, there r other asks in my inbox and other persistent ppl who have been blocked over spamming my DMs, and this feels too nuanced and specific to add to my already long and kind of annoyed sounding (bc it is 💀) pinned. so yeah!!!!! i did get a lot of new followers recently so it's a good time for a periodic reminder
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blujayonthewing · 1 year ago
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more dnd and adjacent media should be run and written by people who think dwarves and elves are boring but care very sincerely about halflings and gnomes
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crabs-but-better · 1 year ago
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having a special interest in city design and public transportation after spending so much time having hyperfixations on television shows is so weird like where do i find the 15 minute city fandom…
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plinkcat-gif · 6 months ago
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hmmmm ok wait. moving my private posts to a diff acc i think. i need to vagueblog without people watching for a second
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