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nobodysdaydreams · 10 months

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Benedict Twins Neurodivergent Head Canons (by popular request)

At first I was going to make a post about all the MBS character's neurodivergencies, then I realized I had wayyyy too many for the twins alone.

Then I also realized that despite my efforts to try and separate them by diagnoses, a lot of their symptoms are the same thing in different fonts and with different diagnoses emphasized throughout the show. So here is everything I came up with.

(Warning: insanely long and unhinged post ahead. Feel free to disagree with any of these. Just don't be ableist please!).

My head canons for the twins:

ADHD-inattentive type - mostly Nicholas, possibly season 2 Nathaniel

Autism - mostly Nicholas, you could argue Nathaniel also has it

Anxiety/OCD symptoms - mostly Nathaniel in season 1, you could argue Nicholas has other forms of anxiety

BPD - mostly Nathaniel in season 2, you could argue Nicholas also has it

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) - Both twins have it, and I think Nathaniel also has CSD, and I will explain what that is

Maladaptive Daydreaming (MADD) - I don't know if both twins have it, but there are some scenes they were in the had the vibe going for sure

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ADHD-inattentive type:

Nicholas' ADHD-I head canon mostly comes from personal experience (that's been my official diagnosis since childhood). Specifically, the way they wrote the show version of the character was way too relatable to me. The fact that there are so many books on his desk cluttered everywhere? Him dismissing the food Number Two tries to give him in that one scene even though he ordered it? The flashbacks of Nathaniel having to tell Nicholas to make sure his appearance looked good? Flashback Nicholas showing up late for the orphanage pageant? The general scatterbrain tendencies? Nicholas getting emotionally overwhelmed when he has too much to do or can't find a way out of a situation? I love the man, but thank goodness he has Rhonda and Number Two to do the executive functioning for him because if they didn't he would be in trouble. Those scenes were way too relatable, as were the scenes of him feeling guilty for being a burden to his friends family because they handle so much for him.

Since this head canon comes entirely from my own experiences, it's probably the easiest for me to write. I haven't done much with it in my fics yet because I've been focusing a bit more on the plot™️ and other characters, but when writing season 2 content, especially from Nicholas' perspective and how it changes after he's been given the happiness technique, I do intend to do a few things to incorporate this head canon into how I write his scenes.

It's also worth noting that while I see this head canon as mostly applying to Nicholas, Nathaniel does seem to have more ADHD-I symptoms in season 2. Season 1 he has a lot of anxiety (which I will talk about), but in season 2, he's a lot more quirky and scatterbrained and relaxed once his anxiety symptoms are decreased, and I could see ADHD being a head canon for him as well, it's just that his anxiety masks his executive dysfunction more than Nicholas' does. Of course, there are a lot of other possible reasons for Nathaniel's change in personality between seasons, and I'm gonna talk about those too.

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Autism:

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD): So unlike the ADHD head canon, the autism head canon is one that I am not professionally diagnosed with, but I am familiar with it through irl friends that I've had that have been professionally diagnosed with autism. It's also worth noting that this is not really my own head canon or an unpopular one, other people in the fandom have mentioned this head canon before).

It's also a head canon that I think makes a lot of sense, especially in the show, they mention multiple times that Nicholas was at one point an academic, which could imply him having special interests and hyper fixations. During the flashbacks of him at the orphanage we really don't see him interact with anyone other than Nathaniel, which could be due to a number of factors, but could also suggest that maybe Nicholas struggled socially. This is support by the fact that when he rants at Nathaniel in 1x8, he says Nathaniel always tried "to control me [Nicholas], to control your friends", but Nicholas doesn't say our friends or my friends, and the only friends of his own mentioned from childhood are Nathaniel (who his says was his best friend), and Tommy Jacobs (who Nathaniel told him to stay away from and was implied to be a social outcast) suggesting that Nathaniel was the one building and maintaining the twin's social circle, though of course that's speculation.

I also previously talked about Nicholas being emotionally overwhelmed, and I know I connected that more to my own experience of ADHD-I symptoms, but I could see it being connected to experiences of autism as well, such as autistic burnout, autistic meltdowns, or sensory overload, I suppose it's open to interpretation especially if you head canon Nicholas as having both ADHD and Autism and consider all the ways that ADHD and Autism can coexist and interact within the same person.

It's also worth noting that Nathaniel is also seen misinterpreting social situations and struggling to connect with his peers both in flashback and in the show. In the flashbacks, he doesn't pick up the fact that the perspective parents don't like him or that people are displeased with his morning after performance. In the present, he has to basically twist Garrison's arm into a friendship and has so many weird and uncomfortable scenes where he tries to offer her "a chance to share the spotlight" and gives her champagne she can't drink where it looks like he's attempting to get her to genuinely like him but he just keeps missing the mark and getting more and more frustrated. I suppose you can also head canon this as ASD if you want since it is a pattern of social struggles that has followed him into adulthood (especially since Nicholas and Nathaniel are twins and would likely have similar symptoms), but it's also important to remember that Nathaniel is an antagonist, so I could understand where this head canon could also be taken negatively.

As for how I incorporate ASD head canons into my fic, since ASD is a disorder I have a lot of personal familiarity with, but am not diagnosed with myself, I try to write it in a way where I keep what's canon canon, I talk mostly about the symptoms I'm familiar with or have heard friends of mine describe (I mention Nicholas stimming as a child and struggling to understand social situations, getting very emotionally overwhelmed, etc.).

One thing I was mindful of, especially when writing my fic was that even though Nicholas (and SQ, who I'll talk more about in another post) having autism is a fairly popular head canon made mostly by autistic people, I still wanted to make sure that when I focused in or hinted at those symptoms that I did it well and did it respectfully.

For example, one problematic trope that can happen in autism representation is infantilizing or having them portrayed as sweet and innocent characters, but also characters without a lot of agency, and I did worry a bit about that when writing them from Nathaniel's point of view, and talking about things like him not trusting SQ to make his own decisions, and viewing Nicholas as incapable or incompetent. I really tried to make it super clear that this is how Curtain or other characters are viewing them at various points in time, but it's not necessarily how they actually are. So far I think that I've been able to make that clear, at least I haven't heard anyone say that my portrayal is problematic or bad, and I have gotten a lot of comments saying that I do a fairly good job of switching between the POVs of different characters and showing how certain things from one character's perspective are incorrect in another's. But again, while I have some personal experience with ASD, I don't have it myself, so I'm curious to know what people with ASD think about this head canon and whether it's an accurate and positive one, and if any of you guys think that it's a problematic head canon, or does more harm than good, please let me know.

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Anxiety/OCD:

Anxiety/OCD Symptoms: My background with OCD and anxiety is that I have several family members and friends with anxiety and OCD, and I know that it's a really difficult disorder to live with especially when you're trying to deal with it on your own.

I know there have been a couple people who have already pointed out Nathaniel's OCD and anxiety-like behaviors, especially in the ways that it parallels Sticky's anxiety and OCD tendencies (and I might do another post talking more in depth about Sticky but if you haven't read Sophie's amazing fic about it, do that now).

I noticed these symptoms of Curtain's mostly in season 1, where Curtain started out as a seemingly confident and calm evil mastermind behind the Emergency and then became increasingly anxious and upset the more he lost control. You could also argue the way the Institute is governed by so many rules designed to not look like rules and Curtain's extreme need for control and orderliness are also signs of OCD or anxious tendencies. (and his anxiety and frustration when that control and order is disrupted, such a when he screams at his stenographer that "every minor detail" matters).

In my fic, I do a few examples of Curtain experiencing intrusive and negative thought patterns and using control to try and cope with that, but since it's not a disorder I've been diagnosed with or symptoms I personally experience, I try to keep it within Nathaniel's canon concerns (his fear of failure, being abandoned by his friends and family, his paranoia and mistrust of others especially when he's investigating the kids in season 1 and assumes Nicholas came to the island to mock him).

There's also a scene where Curtain makes SQ believe that his friend Reynie is only trying to take advantage of him, and while it's an example of Curtain letting his own anxieties and fears overshadow what's best for his son, I really try to write in an way that emphasizes that Curtain does believe he is doing the right thing and protecting him, even if he's not doing it correctly. While I mostly focus on his anxiety and OCD symptoms and tendencies in season 1 (because that's when they are emphasized the most), you could also argue he has them a bit towards the end of season 2 as well, but I also think that might be RSD related, which I'll talk about later.

I have also considered possibly exploring more about his relationship with Nicholas especially within the context of my head canon of Nicholas having ADHD and Nathaniel having OCD, because I've had those kind of relationships irl, and sometimes it's balanced really well, because the person with OCD is usually better at executive functioning while the person with ADHD can provide distraction from negative thoughts and reassurance/emotional support, and those are the kinds of relationships I've had that have worked really well. However, I've also had relationships, mostly with roommates, where things just don't match up; they want a roommate with a certain level of cleanliness that follows a steady and predictable routine they can plan around (when you shower, when you bring guests over, etc.) and I just can't live like that and it's no fun getting bullied and nagged all the time and it's also no fun living with someone who is messy and unpredictable, so I can understand why in a situation where both these things were happening, Nicholas leaving created very complicated feelings for both of them.

I'm not sure if I'll have the chance to explore that more in flashbacks or maybe in season 2 when they spend more time together, but it is an interesting dynamic. And just like I said with Nicholas' ASD head canon, while I have some personal experience with OCD and anxiety through friends and family members, I don't have it myself, so I'm curious to know what people with OCD and anxiety think about this head canon and whether it's an accurate or positive one (because even though Nathaniel does grow and change, he's still an antagonist for most of the series especially in season 1), and if any of you guys think that it's a problematic head canon, or does more harm than good, please let me know.

It's also worth pointing out the Nicholas does have some anxious tendencies as well (this has been mentioned by several people in the fandom, and also Nicholas and Nathaniel are identical twins, so it is likely they'd have similar neurotypes), but he also has a better emotional support system than Nathaniel does, so it's likely easier for him to manage his anxiety in a healthy way vs. Nathaniel relying on control. I'd be interested in hearing what people with OCD and anxiety think about this and whether it could apply to both twins.

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Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) symptoms:

BPD Symptoms: Since BPD is a less known disorder, I'll first explain that it's a personality disorder (PD) with 9 symptoms (you need 5 symptoms for diagnosis, which leaves 256 possible types of BPD) and it's often linked to some form of abandonment related childhood trauma (a parent leaving, dying, being emotionally distant or abusive, etc.). I will say I was on the fence about this one, and debated including it in my post at all, because I want to acknowledge that head canoning a character, especially a villain character, with a PD can be stereotyping and problematic if not done correctly (though there are many villain characters who have been head cannoned as having BPD by people with BPD (pwBPD) including Anakin from Star Wars, Catra from She-Ra, and Azula from ATLA).

Additionally, I'm also not someone diagnosed with PD, and wouldn't make head canons unless I thought it could be positive or accurate representation. And I think season 2 Nathaniel might qualify for that. Maybe, it's a little complicated. My experience with PDs and BPD comes from knowing people with it irl, but specifically older people with BPD (older than 45), who tend to present differently than younger people because they are on average less likely to have received mental health help or a diagnosis when they were younger and the relationships and goals you have and prioritize at 60 are not the same as the ones you had at 25. I specify season 2 Nathaniel when I talk about his BPD symptoms, mostly because that was when I noticed them. Going into season 2, I did not have BPD in mind as a head canon for him at all. But watching season 2, there were a lot of his scenes where I found myself saying "this looks familiar" and "wait...are they trying to portray BPD in an older person?" and then I realized that when you took out a DSM checklist and looked back at the character...he does fit the criteria pretty well.

However, just fitting a set of DSM criteria doesn't mean a character is good representation, and even accurate representation can still be stereotypical representation (*cough cough* Number Two's mom). Whether Nathaniel could be considered good BPD rep is a difficult question to answer for a couple reasons. The first is because characters with PDs are often stereotyped as villains and antagonists, and while Nathaniel is a sympathetic, likeable, and ultimately redeemed antagonist, he's still an antagonist (not as much of an antagonist as Anakin "the women and children too" Skywalker, a BPD head canon often made by individuals with BPD (plus more about his symptoms here)), but still an antagonist. And while people with BPD have head canoned antagonists as also having BPD, these are usually well-loved antagonists with popular and clear redemption arcs, and Nathaniel's book counterpart (who, for the record DOES NOT have any mental health disorder he's just awful) is very different from his character in the show. So even if Nathaniel is good BPD rep, if someone unfamiliar with how different the MBS show and books are sees the head canon and applies it to the book character on accident, it could leave them with a very false and negative view of the disorder. You could argue this could also easily happen with Nathaniel's anxiety head canon and his control issues, and it could, but anxiety isn't generally vilified nearly as much as PDs.

But on the other hand, I could also see where Nathaniel's BPD could be a positive head canon, and there were a lot of things about it that I really liked. BPD has slowly started to get more positive rep in the media and in the world of psychology in general, but stories with themes of self-improvement where the pwBPD is portrayed in a positive light are still normally reserved for younger people (20s/30s/early 40s) and people without kids. When older pwBPD, especially untreated or undiagnosed individuals and especially individuals with kids are shown in media or talked about in psychology...let's just say it's not great. Now, obviously untreated mental health symptoms can negatively effect the people around you and cause serious damage after so many years, but the lack of positive growth stories about older pwBPD has always bothered me because it completely ignores any good qualities they have, or even the possibility of getting help later in life, and I hate seeing people that I love consistently talked about and portrayed so negatively not just in media but in the field of psychology in general. I also think it's a bit ageist to say that young people can get help for their mental health disorders and improve, but that it's too late for older adults.

That's why I love so much of what they did with Nathaniel's character. They didn't dismiss the impact his symptoms had on his family and SQ, but they also didn't completely blame it all on his BPD symptoms (in fact, in season 1, his anxiety symptoms seemed to be the main focus). They also established very early on that Nathaniel was a redeemable and sympathetic character and wasn't meant to be a copy of his book counterpart (Reynie's 1x8 speech about how Curtain is a good person). Additionally, once his BPD symptoms were more present in season 2, that was when Nathaniel became more likeable in the eyes of the fandom, not less likeable, and I really like that they did that. For as much as we make jokes about hitting Curtain with his golf cart and hating him, I've also seen a lot of people talk about reluctantly coming around to loving his character as they've rewatched Season 2, and I was one of them for sure. I loved that they showed how silly and fun his character was, and how yeah, he's not thinking clearly and is actively committing crimes, but really all he wants is a world where he is loved and has his family with him, he doesn't actually want to hurt anyone. Then there's the fact that his narcolepsy trigger is vulnerability and how that could connect to his self-image, and the fact that the society kids have trauma linked to abandonment that could led to the development of BPD later and how that connects to themes of healing generational trauma (also side note: children can't have a BPD diagnosis so while the kids do have abandonment related traumas and you can draw parallels there, you can't head canon them with BPD to mirror Nathaniel the same way you can head canon other diagnosis between the adults and kids, like with Nicholas and SQ both having autism).

However, the positive aspects of Nathaniel as a BPD character ironically can also be seen as a bad thing, because on the one hand, it's nice to see an older person with possible BPD getting a self-improvement story arc and sympathetic portrayal, but on the other hand: the show was cancelled. And that was really upsetting to me, especially because becoming "a good guy" didn't completely remove Nathaniel's BPD or anxiety symptoms, but they showed him dealing with them in a more healthy way with a support system, and that's such a great message, and we have so little representation of that, so I'm glad they hinted at that...but they totally could have done more with it, and I'm so sad that they can't now because it's a message that does not go unappreciated.

For writing Nathaniel's BPD symptoms into my fic, this is a bit complicated, because while Nathaniel does have a lot of canon symptoms (abandonment related fears, mood swings, moments of anger, unstable relationships, impulsive career change and self identity between seasons, etc.), and I really don't need to add anything, it's still a matter of debate whether it's good representation or not, and I could see people interpreting his character a number of ways. So while I sticking to canon, I still leave things ambiguous. For example, there's a scene in my fic where Curtain admits he doesn't have a stable identity because he avoids vulnerability. You could say that's also due to BPD/unstable self-image or you could say it's entirely due to his canon narcolepsy trigger. It's up to you whether you want the BPD rep there or not, because I've reviewed posts and tips written by people with BPD about writing representation, and recognize that while Nathaniel fits the DSM criteria pretty well and the show focuses a lot on his abandonment issues and symptoms, he is still an antagonist for most of the series. A likable and ultimately redeemed antagonist, but still an antagonist, which means the plot of the show and my fic, while it's ultimately driving him to redemption, still require him do some pretty bad antagonistic things regardless of whether they are directly connected to any symptoms that he has (consider this your warning), and I can see why that aspect of it might be a turn off, which is why I leave the rep open to the interpretation of the reader.

As I mentioned, there are 256 possible types of BPD, I don't expect that everyone with BPD would relate to Nathaniel, and this is also generally a younger fandom (teens/20s/30s) and a big reason I like Nathaniel's rep is because he's portraying what I've seen in older as opposed to younger people with BPD, so it's possible someone with BPD looking at this character would either see it more as a representation of an older family member (because these things do run in families) or wouldn't be able to relate to him. But I'd still be curious to know what people with BPD think about this head canon and whether they agree that's what's being represented here and if so, whether it was done accurately or positively, and just like with other head canons, if any of you guys think that this head canon is problematic or does more harm than good, please let me know.

I'd also be curious to know what people think about Nicholas possibly also having BPD, because he did grow up in an orphanage and his adoptive parents don't seem to be around anymore. He also seems convinced that his friends will leave him whenever he makes a mistake, which...again it could be the anxiety, it could be that both twins have BPD...it could go a number of ways.

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RSD and CSD:

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD): I know anxiety is also a popular Nicholas head canon, but I did want to mention the ways that I see Nicholas' flavor of anxiety as very RSD oriented. For those that don't know what RSD is, it's when you experience severe emotional pain because of failure or being rejected, and it's often related to ADHD. In my personal experience, it's a lot worse when you feel like you've messed up in a moral sense, done something wrong, hurt someone, or let someone down, especially when the other person assumes that you have malicious intentions, or did something on purpose. You just feel like you want to delete every memory of what happened or destroy yourself to make it go away. It can also happen in response to constructive criticisms too if the person still feels that they really messed up or hurt someone.

I see a lot of RSD/anxious tendencies in Nicholas, specifically in response to what he did to Nathaniel, but also at the thought of something happening to the children or his friends and it being his fault for creating the Sender and dragging them into this. This is also supported by the fact that Nicholas' anxiety seemed to go up a lot after 1x03 when he finds out Nathaniel is the Sender and he has his little breakdown in the woods. Obviously he's always been anxious about the operation in general, who wouldn't be, but once he realizes he might have himself to blame if things go wrong or if one of the children gets hurt, that's when the anxiety really starts to come. Again, you can feel free to disagree with this head canon and I could see Nicholas having anxiety in other situations as well, but as someone with ADHD-I who head canons Nicholas that way, this was something I picked up on.

Compliment Sensitivity Dysphoria (CSD): I talked about RSD with Nicholas and how it's common in ADHD-I, but RSD is common in other disorders too, and Curtain definitely has it, but I think he has something else as well. A little phenomena I also experience on occasion, which I have named "Compliment Sensitivity Dysphoria" (not a clinical term, my own term). I don't know if it's a thing other people with ADHD-I experience, or maybe just those of us who have a family history of other stuff and it's a combination of things that's causing it, but basically, it's the opposite of RSD. With RSD, you get one negative comment, you want to destroy yourself, but with CSD, you get complimented once, you develop a God complex.

I know I talked about the show's focus switching from looking at Nathaniel's anxiety symptoms in season 1 to his BPD symptoms in season 2, but something else changes between seasons 1 and 2 and that's the characters surrounding Nathaniel. In Season 1, he's getting criticized by Garrison, Nicholas tells him off at the end, his son is disobeying him, and he feels attacked. Season 2, everybody praises his every move all the time, leaving him open to CSD. Now speaking from personal experience, the CSD God complex thing is very fun, but you gotta watch out for those pesky consequences™️ because if you don't, the RSD will come back worse than you could ever imagine, so you need to look out (which, obviously, our poor Nathaniel did not do). I also love the way he apologizes at the end: "I might have been going about things the wrong way (nearly froze thousands of people including my own family) so let's just go now and never talk about it again because if I reflect on the bad things I did I will self-destruct so let's all just move on now thank you :)" absolutely iconic. Accountability king right there.

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Maladaptive Daydreaming (MADD):

For those who don't know what maladaptive daydreaming is, I'll admit, I'm not as active with the MADD tumblr community (it does exist though) and you can google it, but if you've ever paced around or stimmed while listening to music and zoning about thinking about fictional characters, that's basically what that is, but it's only technically considered maladaptive if done to an unhealthy degree, but obviously what constitutes an "unhealthy degree" is a more vaguely defined area. MADD is incredibly common in people with ADHD (specifically, ADHD-Inattentive type), but it's also very common in OCD, ASD, and personality disorders as well.

MADD presents differently in different people, but in my experience, the dancing and stimming to repetitive or happy music is the format that tends to trigger the most euphoria. Which is interesting for someone like Nicholas, because having a form of narcolepsy that causes him to pass out when he feels real joy means he wouldn't have had the chance to experience MADD like that, until he's given the artificial happiness by Curtain. And once Curtain does? Nicholas is cheerfully pacing around his apartment (I think I commented somewhere on a live blog that it looked like MADD), and then there's the whole "dance party in the field scene", big MADD vibes there.

MADD also has an overlap with ASD (hence the stimming and motor stereotypy that often happens during the daydreaming), and OCD (because both involve repetitive and uncontrollable thoughts, it's just that the thoughts associated with MADD are fun and addictive thoughts instead of distressing ones. But they can still be harmful if taken to an extreme).

Again, clinically, I'm not sure if Nicholas has enough instances to be "diagnosed" with MADD, but those scenes in season 2 had the vibes going so I just thought I'd mention it. Also, a canonically autistic character that I (and many others) head canon with MADD is Abed Nadir from "Community" if you are interested in looking for another example of MADD in someone with autism.

Finally, you can maybe make the argument that Curtain has MADD as well, or at least one instance of it.

Again, I wouldn't say the MADD aspect is overly focused on in Nicholas or Nathaniel, but it's common in OCD, ASD, ADHD, and PDs (all of which tend to run together in families), and Nathaniel's Stand Back Dance had the vibe going for sure. Between moving across the world between seasons, getting a new career, and doing his little dance, the man was entering his Rebecca Bunch era (and if you don't know who that is, Rebecca Bunch is a pretty well known canon BPD representation from the tv show Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, and I've seen a lot of people head canon her with maladaptive daydreaming as well. She's also likely going to be Nathaniel's competition if he makes into the theater kid showdown, so for reference here's a clip of her experiencing RSD).

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Finally, since these are all disorders I know a lot about, I'm happy to answer any questions (as long as you keep it respectful and no ableist. Remember the RSD), and if you feel like any of these head canons are harmful and/or problematic, please let me know (mostly concerned about Nathaniel's head canons since he's a bad guy, but if you think Nicholas' head canons are problematic as well, feel free to message about those too. Again, remembering that I did this with the best of intentions and also the RSD).

Also, since the Benedict brothers are identical twins, and you could argue they both had signs of all the disorders, which all tend to run together in families anyway, so if you want to skip the DSM technicalities and what's popular in fandom and throw up your hands and say "they both have ASD/ADHD/OCD/BPD" it's a head canon, it can be whatever I want!" then know that I fully support you in that quest.

And for those who might not be as familiar with one or more of these disorders, or didn't realize they had such a strong genetic overlap and are interested in learning more, I have resources for that too!

Misdiagnosis Monday has some great charts of symptom overlap. I include some below.

#long post #Connecting my special interests #Sorry I know this is an insane amount of stuff for just two characters who are twins and share a lot of symptoms #But I have never seen the mental illnesses that me my friends and my family members and the ways they intersect so represented #Gonna keep this post for the mutuals so my DM's don't get flooded if people actually take the time to read this #But I might add fandom tags later. We shall see.

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