#fucker!! I could *literally* feel my hair falling out with the stress I’ve been dealing with. and for what?? so I can make myself feel WORSE

[peapod20001]

*beats whatever part of my body that is releasing an abundance of stress chemicals every time I see something that’s a .07 / 100 on the stress scale*

[backtobackbakubabe]

I’m Gonna Make This Place Your Home (Part 6)

Bakugo X Reader 

Words : 3036

Warnings: SMUT! THERE IS SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER (finally) also there’s some violence and mention of abuse. 

Runaway reader finds a home with Bakugo. But will trouble follow?

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You were packed in record time. It helped that you didnt have much to pack.

Bakugo was now pulling you into a car you didnt know he had while yelling at someone on the phone. “No you cant come!”.... “Because we’re trying to hide her and blend in and your hair is literally a bride red fucking target!”... “Yes! I will tell you once we’re settled... Thanks Man..”

He threw his phone out the widow of the moving car and sped up. “Alright so they found you, and they know you’re with me. We just need to get somewhere safe and lay low for a bit. I’ve filled Kirishima in on everything and he’s going to see what he can find out through our hero database.” His grip was tight on the steering wheel and shoulders were stiff as boards. He was stressed out.

You reached over and placed your hand in his lap. You could feel him relax only slightly, but enough for him to release some tension. “Where are we going?”

I’m going to drive us out of town then stop at a random hotel. We’ll check in under a fake name and use cash. I have enough to last us a while.” He took the  hand that you had put in his lap and intertwined your fingers, “They’re not going to lay a finger on you. Not if I can help it.”

Later that night you laid next to him while he clicked away on his laptop. “You threw your phone out the window but kept your laptop? Wouldn't they be able to track that as well?”

He scoffed, “I wish they’d try. This is government issued from work. As soon as they even tried it would alert my agency of their location and who they are.” He continued to click through. He started off by asking who I ordered the pizza from. From there he hacked into the cameras of all the locations near our apartment and was now busy watching through hours of footage trying to find whoever wrote the message on the box. You tried to stay awake to keep him company but your eyes were so heavy. His fingers threaded through your hair, “Go to sleep babe. They’ll be plenty of time to talk tomorrow.”

So you snuggled into him and let sleep take over. You kept waiting for him to join you. In fact every so often you'd reach out to join his dream, but he wasn’t there. You hoped he wasnt driving himself mad with all of this investigative work. Wasn’t that was Kirishima was supposed to be doing?

Hours later you heard a loud “Mother Fucker!”

You shot up strait and grabbed onto Bakugo’s arm. “What is it? What’s going on?”

“That fucking asshole from the coffee shop was the one who rated you out... Your boss.” He turned the laptop towards you and sure enough there was a video of him sneaking into the pizza shop and writing his lovely little note on the pizza box before turning to the camera and flipping it off. “He’s one of eight brothers. All of them bad news. The oldest brother is the head of some secret society that they’re all members of. They call him the puppeteer. Riku’s the youngest and his job is to find girls and trick them into going to a ‘party’ after which they're never seen again. Police have been trying to take them down for years but there’s never been enough evidence. I had Kirishima email me over every file he could find on this secret society.”

He opened up a new tab that was full of pictures, mugshots, and reports. “They call themselves the Pure. They believe in arranged relations and breeding for maximum quirk efficiency. There’s allegedly a lot of really important people involved which is why a case has never been made against them. Drugs, arms dealing, racketeering, kidnapping, slavery... this.... this is crazy. How can they be involved in so much but no one even know about them. I’m a fucking hero and I had never heard about it.” He turned to you, his red eyes burning with intensity. “How do you run from something that doesn't exist?”

You scrolled through the file before your heart stopped. “Bakugo.. I recognize that man...”

He looked over your shoulder and you could hear him gasp. He recognized him as well. He had seen him in your dreams. This man had been your prison guard for years. He had hit you, starved you, drugged you, stripped away your clothing and left you to freeze. He was an animal, he was evil, and Bakugo wanted to kill him.

According to the file his name was Bruce. He was from Slovakia, and as far as anyone knew he died in a train accident fifteen years ago. You wish he has though.

“I’m going back to sleep...”

Bakugo held you to him, “You sure? You don’t want to talk about it?”

“I know his name now... I know his face. I think it’s time I pay Bruce a little visit... You coming?”

It clicked with him what you meant. You were about to visit him in a dream. And there was no way he was going to let you do that alone.

He gripped your hand and spooned up behind you. “You sure about this?”

Your only response was, “If it gets to be too much for you , you can leave at any time.”

Then you were falling asleep and taking Bakugo with you. You had done this plenty of times when you were held captive. Taking people with you into dreams was easy enough. They usually couldn’t affect anything the way you could though.

The bright light flashed behind your eyelids signaling that you were connecting with your intended target.

Eh. Even his dreams were gross. You looked around and saw he was dreaming of an orgy. Naked women and drugs everywhere. You strolled right up to him as he sucked at some poor girls neck. You had to touch him to control the dream. That was the rules. And usually you waited for them to make that decision. But not Bruce. He didnt get that privilege. You slapped him across the face.

He shoved the girl off of his lap, “What the fuck-” his eyes met yours and his angry scowl turned into a disgusting smirk.

“Hello Bruce..”

“Well if it isnt my little slut? I was wondering when you would show up. I was careful to never tell you my name but I knew it would only be a matter of time.”

“My name is Y/n..”

He chuckled, “Shit I didn’t even know you had a name. Thought you were just another one of the boss man’s pets.”

Your fist shook with rage and all of the girls disappeared and you were back in that cold room that had been your cell.

His eyes shifted back and forth, “What are you doing? This is my dream. You cant...”

“Oh but I can. I am capable of much more than you ever knew.” All of the sudden his face started to sink in as if he was starving. His skin became littered with bruises. His ears and nose began to bleed just like yours would when they made you overuse your quirk.

He started to panic and tried to run away but his foot was shackled to the floor like the animal he was. “Fucking bitch! Stop it!”

But you didn’t. You continued to make him suffer, he deserved it after all. All the sudden a hand came down on your shoulder. You grabbed it and threw the person to the ground. Your eyes glowing purple with rage. But they softened when you realized it was just Bakugo. Looking worried with his hands held up in surrender, “It’s just me. It’s alright. It’s okay. Just breath. Calm down. This isn't you!” 

You ran your fingers through your hair and began to pace. You really wanted to hurt the asshole in front of you but you couldnt allow yourself to stoop that low. You couldn’t break down like this. Especially not in front of Bakugo. “I’m sorry. I’m just a little on edge right now. I hope I didnt hurt you.”

He shook his head as he regained his footing, “I’m fine, you're the one I’m worried about. You sure you can handle this. We’ve been here for only a few minutes and it looks like you're already losing it a little bit. I’ve never seen you so... angry before.” 

Bruce started laughing that sickening laugh that made your stomach turn. “Your little boyfriend thinks so highly of you. I wonder if he would stick around if he knew some of the twisted shit you pulled to get out of here.”  

You walked over and gave him a swift kick to the ribs, “I did what I did to stay alive. I will never apologize for that.” You knelt down to look him in the eyes. “Now tell me where you are.” 

He spit blood onto your feet, “This is just a dream. You can do what you want and it’ll never actually hurt me. I’m not telling you shit!”

You narrowed your eyes at him but a cool smile came over your face, “That’s true... Assuming you ever actually wake up. I can make sure you don’t. Keep you here forever, in a coma. Have you ever wondered what happens when you die in a dream? No one really knows right? Because our brain wakes us up because it wants to avoid the trauma. Well I know what happens... Would you like me to show you?”

Bruce gulped as his eyes shifted from Bakugo to you. He spit one more time before he groaned, “FINE!...We’re in the mountains. We're at the main campus for the Pure. There’s a big meeting coming up and everyones coming.” He went on to ramble in great detail about how to get there. He made it very clear that you wouldn't make it past the front gate. That they had some strong quirks up their sleeve.  

He was still spilling his guts when Bakugo grabbed your hand. “What if he’s lying? What if he’s setting a trap?”

You sighed and rubbed your temples, “I don’t think he’s that smart.” 

You looked over when you no longer heard Bruce’s labored breathing. “Shit... he woke up” You reached for Bakugo’s hand, “Come on we should wake up too.I have a feeling we have a lot to talk about..”

“You’re fucking right we do.”

You woke up and you felt that your face was soaked in tears. You may have put on a brave face in Bruce’s dream but it didnt change the fact that you had been terrified to be face to face with him again. You wiped furiously, trying to dry your cheeks before Bakugo could see. He probably already thinks you’re unhinged. No need to fuel the crazy fire. 

You took a few deep breaths before turning around and facing Bakugo. To your surprise his eyes were wet as well. “I’m sorry. I know you’re the one who just had to confront the monster from your past. But... That shit was hard to watch. What did he mean when he said you did twisted shit to get out? You told me you jumped out of a moving car?”

You bit your lip and played with the hem of your hoodie. You couldn’t look him in the eye when you told him this. “I lied.... I was scared if I told you the truth you would be scared of me.” 

He cupped your damp cheek and kissed your forehead, “You say scary.. I say badass.”

You would have laughed if the moment hadn't been so tense. “I uh.. If I really focus I can make people see things... when they're awake. Like daydreaming.” You leaned into him and he instinctively wrapped his arms around your waist. “I made them see intruders when in reality no one was there. They all ended up shooting each other and when backup came I made them think that I was also dead. They threw me into the back of a van, didn’t even bother tying me up. When we got close to town I made the drivers vision go blank so he would crash and I could get away.” 

Bakugo pushed your hair out of your face, “Why would you be scared to tell me that? Like you said in Bruce’s dream, you did what you had to. After everything they put you through? I know it has to weigh heavy on your conscious, but it shouldn't. Those people were bad people who did bad things. Who knows how many people you saved by taking them out.”

You nodded, “I guess... But heros aren't supposed to kill people.”

Bakugo smiled, “Well not to be a dick but I’m pretty sure I’m the only one here with a hero license. You’re a survivor. There’s a difference.”

You took a deep breath, trying to expel all of your anxiety. “I also didn’t want you to be constantly trying to guess if what you were seeing was real or if I was manipulating you.” 

“Well I guess it’s a good thing I trust you then...” 

You leaned forward and gently pressed your lips to his. 

You should have known better though because there was rarely anything gentle about Bakugo. He returned you kiss with a burning passion that had you dizzy. 

He rolled on top of you and your legs wrapped around him pulling you to you. You wanted him, all of him. You reached down to waistband of his pants and pushed your hand past it to palm him through his underwear. He groaned and bucked his hips towards you before pulling back. “Y/n. I love you. But are you sure you want this?”

You arched your back so you could peel your shirt off. You hadn't worn a bra to bed and naturally you weren't wearing pants so now the only article of clothing you did have on was underwear. “I’ve never been more sure of anything.” 

He leaned forward and attached his lips to your shoulder while he rubbed one of your nipples between his fingers. You arched your back to lean into his touch a soft moaning falling from your lips. He smiled as his kissed trailed south over the swell of your breeds before sucking your other nipple into his mouth. Licking it and sucking util it grew hard. “Looks like someone has sensitive nipples...” 

Your eyes blinked open, “What are you doing? Dont stop!”

He chuckled, “Yes ma’am.” He tore off his shirt followed by his pants. Now you were both in your underwear. He grinned into you and its made you throb. You bucked your hips up to meet his, desperately needing friction to ease the desire building inside you. 

His lips returned to your neck as he tapped your hip signaling for you to lift them off the bed. Without any hesitation he ripped them off leaving you bare before him. His fingers teased around the sport you wanted him most. But he was trying to give you time to make sure you hadn't changed your mind. And as sweet as that was... You needed him. “Bakugo... I need you. Please.”

With a feral groan his slipped his middle finger into you and slowly pumped in and out. “God Y/n you’re so tight.” He added a second finger and you had to suck in a breath, shit that felt good. He had you whining beneath him. Squirming around his fingers wanting more. 

He kissed up your neck until he got to you ear, where he stopped with a breathy whisper, “You ready?”

You wrapped your legs around him, “Yes! Please!” 

His slid his underwear off and you heard the sound of him opening a condom then his weight returned to you. His forehead already sweaty pressed against yours. “You let me know if I need to stop. If it hurts, if you change your mind. I dont care just let me know...” 

You nodded and he slowly pushed into you bit by bit. Letting you adjust as he went. It definitely stung but in the sweetest way possible. Your fingers gripped his shoulders as he began to thrust into you. It started out as slightly painful but all the sudden he snapped his hips at a completely different angle and you were seeing stars. You couldn’t help your moan of pleasure, “Oh shit! Right there!”

Bakugo picked up the pace looping his arm around the back of your knee and lifting it up so it sat on his shoulder. Heat began to burn within you as you pleasure climbed. You understood why in books they always called it that climax. Legs shaking, fingers digging into his back, “I’m gonna - I’m gonna-”

Bakugo growled as he thrust at an erratic pace, “Let go. I’m right behind you. COME ON Y/N!”

Just like that you you peaked and clamped around him as he stuttered into his own finish. 

You both laid there breathing heavy as he rolled over and pulled you into his chest. His fingers carding through your hair with occasional kisses to the crown of your head. “Hey not to alarm you or anything but I literally saw fireworks...”

You laughed and gave him a funny look, “Yeah me too. That was amazing!”

He gave you a serious look, “No I totally agree.. best night of my life... but Y/n I dont mean metaphorically.. like I literally saw fireworks at the end there. I think you may have subconsciously used your quirk...”

You blushed, “Oh my god I’m so sorry! I didn’t even realize...” You covered your face with your hands out of embarrassment.

But Bakugo wasn’t having any of that. He took your hands and pulled them from your face, “Are you kidding me? That was hot. That was awesome! It was like you got to show me exactly how you felt.” He snuggled closer to you, “Makes me want to do it again.” 

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Tags: @1000fandoms​ @carolinawindsay​ @targaryens-blog​ @fukyouthink​ @malibusurfer56​ @theoneforallkiddeku​ @emmyljo​ @water-melone98​ @opentheskeletonkey​ @ilikeanimeandbands​ @dexterous-deku @joonishantics​ @-hiddlesdweeb-​ @crimson846​ @emotions-and-potions @tokoyamis-luv​ @itsmetsuki​ @awkwardlife202 @tinymatwrote​ 

Hey guys quick thing about the tags, I really am trying to remember to tag everyone who asked. If you aren't here I apologize I have the memory of a goldfish lol. Just shoot me a message and remind me. Or if you want to be added thats totally cool as well!  Also it looks like some of the tags aren't working as they should. So if looks like you’re there but you didnt get a notification let me know. Maybe I spelled something wrong lol. I tend to do that a lot! Thanks! 

- Molly 

[fingerboardrhapsodist]

Okay. As much as I can remember, stuck in one spot. Gonna do the one thing to keep length short. Unsure if that works for every variation of connection, but...y'know.

OKAY. So Hojo goes off to his meeting. Me and Aerith sit and chat for a bit. EVENTUALLY Hojo runs by to his shitty perch to watch whatever chaos is going on elsewhere in his lab, which turns out to be Cloud and the others coming to bail Aerith out. They all seem pretty surprised to see me there too, apparently they thought I'd died in the plate falling. Which was terrible and I am not going to think on it ever again after this if I can help it.

So anyways, Hojo dumps some shit on everybody outside the tank while we're stuck watching from the inside, talking shit about how Aerith definitely chose to come here blah blah or are you saying you own her, Cloud and Zack had some colorful shit to say to him that I shall not repeat here for politeness' sake, they straight up wipe the floor with whatever Hojo tosses their way. Looking good while they do it. Hojo starts some monologue shit at Cloud after Cloud threatens to gut him and Hojo gets blasted by something or another in the middle of it and gets basically yote out the door. So Barret breaks the tank's door open which shorts out something but we didn't exactly realize until a few minutes later. Cloud looked like he was having a bit of head trouble after Hojo started his shit, but he recovered fast enough, so nobody really commented on it.

Some dingdongs in armor show up and get their asses beat quite soundly by literally every other person in the room. I get greeted pretty warmly by Zack and Tifa, which is nice. Cloud kinda looks me over a little like he's doing a damage assessment, but otherwise doesn't do much but nod. Aerith and Zack are excited to see each other. Aerith and Cloud and Tifa are excited to see each other. Barret is glad to get to thank Aerith for getting Marlene to safety and pointedly ignores anything going on in my direction. It's nice to see everybody all together and reasonably happy to have survived all of this bullshit of the last...has it only been three days? REALLY three days??

We get started moving. And then there's this pattering of paws and clacking of claws, that I'm the first to notice because I have amazing hearing apparently. And we meet Red! For like fifteen seconds before he tears ass off to try and find Hojo to wreak more havoc on his nads probably. Pops through some of that fucking bulletproof glass like it's NOTHING. Everyone's kinda startled and reminded that we're in the middle of the weasel bastard's lab, Aerith takes off after Red while Barret's just kinda wondering what the fuck is going on.

Follow after Aerith with zero hesitation, get that weird tingly feeling of materia magic healing and I STILL have no fucking clue who cast it because nobody will own up to doing it. It was somebody behind me. Apparently my leg that I broke that Aerith healed up as much as she could was causing a bit of a limp and that was Noted. Anyways, we get up to where Red's trying to give Hojo some nice facial decorations with his claws, Red doesn't get to Hojo in time for it and then turns to look at us because we got him backed into a fucking corner now like some fucking geniuses we are.

Basically everyone else worries we're gonna have to fight the poor bastard, but Aerith just walks up and pats him on the head like she's telling him he's a good boy and Red just goes from 'fuck Hojo and fuck you too if you're in a 30 foot radius around me or him right now' to zen as fuck. Hackles go down, ears relax, shakes stress and anger out of his bones and fur like he's shaking water off him, kinda finds a comfortable way to hold himself for a bit...and Barret goes 'what the hell is that,' like, to everyone else. And Red just goes 'FASCINATING QUESTION' which just. Fucking floors Barret I swear. Little discussion is had, we get his Hojo designation, he dodges questions about another name...

Cloud has some trouble for a bit there. Kind of looked like flash migraines or something? Basically kinda just...passes out. Like one second he's shuffling and everyone's kinda hesitating like 'should we go offer help orrr' and then he's tipping over and everybody scrambles after him like 'SHIT SHIT FUCK' trying to keep him from clonking his head on something. I'm the first one there, because fuck you I'm Sheikah, Zack is second because fuck you he's SOLDIER, Aerith directs us someplace relatively safe for a bit for Cloud to recover. Set him down and get him comfortable there.

Until he was up again, nobody really said anything, just sorta sat there contemplating life choices and wondering if you can die from migraines. A bit of chatter happens when he wakes up, about if Cloud was okay or if he should keep resting, but then we get on the topic of Aerith because Cloud changes subjects with the stealth and smoothness of a handful of gravel to the face. Uh yeah no I'm good no really I'm fine hey Aerith uhhhhh you gotta talk to us some here what aren't you telling us.

Some questions about what she...is, gets asked, and answered to the best of her ability. Entire conversation gets derailed by Barret deciding he's going to start some shit, which everybody has been trying to prevent the entire way up the building. Also apparently we're near the top floor of the massive stupid fucking building. Wondered if I could gravity walk my entire way down the side of the fucker or if I would run out of magic halfway and fucking die by falling the rest.

Basically everybody talks Barret down from the shit and then whatever yote Hojo earlier showed up again apparently. Everyone was talking about them, and they were apparently bothering Aerith, but I could not see shit besides the fact that it looked like there was a breeze from shit circling around her like a tornado and it was whipping her hair and clothes around a little bit.

Barret asked questions and was accidentally rude. Red showed he has an amazing sense of humor while explaining what the fuck was happening in a way that made zero sense to me and I may have to ask for clarification later. The things on the wall flipped on like a slate, and Wedge was in the thing like a video talking to us. Could apparently see and hear and respond to us like in person, though. Was really cool and something I am going to have to weasel out of Purah if I can when I get back home. If I get back.

Anyhow, Wedge apparently had everyone else worried, which made me kind of think maybe he got caught in the plate falling and survived like I did. Which is great odds, by the way, I like Wedge. Guy's a sweetheart. Dude ranks high on the 'people I would kill and/or die for' list. Anyhow, apparently he's in the building, and got there just in time to almost warn us about the building suddenly shaking which very nearly made me shit my pants in fear by the way.

So like...we're talking to him, there's a guy with an absolutely excellent beard and mustache talking, and I am at that unique intersection of exhausted, hungry, amped up on adrenaline, and shocked by the shit I've seen in the last 24 hours that all I hear is the noise of my ears ringing. I could not tell you what he sounded like or give a hint on what he said. I was a thousand paces away in another world staring at the grass or some shit.

Everyone seems ready to head out, so I go ahead and just follow suit because honestly, I have no idea what's been planned or what's going on. I am just...I'm so out of it. We go down and around and everywhere in between to get out, apparently, I don't even fucking know, and while everybody is trying to move something, I hear this weird soft pattering that's just uneven and out of place enough that my brain registers it. So I move my head around about the same time as Zack and Cloud do, because fuck you I am Sheikah and they are SOLDIER, and there's these monster things that are kind of people shaped but wow shit they are fucked up that just crawl out of the woodwork like a nest of mice unearthed because you picked up the board their burrow is placed under.

Beat the shit out of them, went in the tank elevator behind Hojo's close monitoring station. Around this thing. Pretty uneventful. Then good view of the thing in the middle, and just...I know that the thing is important, but absolutely none of what is said registers beyond a few fragments. Cloud starts having problems again, there is just. I get that there was someone there. I know that the others responded somehow, and Cloud was responding in a worrying way. But a lot of that is just...it's like a watercolor painting that hasn't been cured and you just upended a cup of water over it. Everything is blurry, hard for me to parse or find clear detail, but also unevenly so. I can remember some bits of colors, and that they're important. Sounds were...mostly distorted? I have no fucking clue what happened, but the last clear thing I remember for a while is movement, a lot of loud at once, and then just...falling. And then things go dark REAL fast.

No idea how long it took me to wake up, but realized I was laying on the floor and got up all confused for a bit and then realized the place we were earlier is like, several floors up from where I am. I think, anyways, a little hard to figure when there are no actual floors at reasonable height just a bunch of shit on the walls. Can hear combat all over the fucking place, it sounds like everybody got scattered all over the joint and everyone is beating the shit out of SOMETHING.

First person I run into is Tifa. Second is Aerith. Find the others all dealing with a bunch of asshole experiment things and while the girls rain junk down on them, I nail a few with arrows. Almost meet up with em, but there's some fuckshit in the way. Some talking shit happens with another of those two way video things. Hojo starts some shit and we end up having to jump through hoops and murder shit and work some other shit and most of it is boring repeating of 'flipped a switch bigger than we are, fought a thing, got stuck, had to have somebody else go do the thing so find another of those two way video stations and explain we're stuck so it's on you now, wait, repeat.'

I got to help out some with getting across wide gaps, which was cool. Red got dropped onto our level at one point, so we had to go help him. Ran around a lot, killed monsters and monsters and monsters and monsters a lot, flipped switches a lot. More running, more monsters, more switches. The Drum is a lot less interesting than mine is. Thunder Drum could kick that thing's ass anyday.

Apparently Red NEARLY got Hojo's head off his shoulders during all of that. I wish so, so badly that it had. I got new scars after all the shit in the place. Nice long slice down my back, few scratch scars on my right hip, multiple bite marks basically everywhere except vital spots, basically. SOMEHOW managed to keep teeth away from super important areas. I have nO idea how.

There is a lot more to unpack but I don't want to unpack right now so I will file that way for the next breakdown I have because I am a useless piece of shit that is dead weight except when I am awesome or whatever the fuck my brain likes to dunk me into when my emotions take a nosedive. Point I will make is, shit was fucked, and though I may eventually go 'lol fun' at a part or two, I think it will take a long, long time before I can do so. Honestly, anyways. Dishonestly I will do the moment I finish this thing and hit post. Don't you judge me.

Big monster! Beat it up. SO MANY FUCKING MONSTERS. I know I keep saying it and it is probably annoying but holy SHIT. WHY do you NEED SO MANY FUCKING MONSTERS, SIR? The supply was NEVER ENDING. Just when I thought we were going to have enough monster corpses to fill up the whole fucking joint with them, we ran across one BIG fucker at the end. Who I think was actually mostly mechanical instead of some horrible flesh sculpture. Then everybody got reunited after Aerith nearly crushed Cloud, Zack and Barret with a big round door. Lots of cheerfulness after that, I said, sarcastically, to indicate the opposite in fact: things were kinda awkward for two seconds and then there was two seconds of okay lol cool and then back to business we went to get the fuck out of Hojo's Happy Nightmare Land.

We finally. FINALLY got to the top. Back to where The Thing In The Tank I Should Know Words About But Don't was. And the tank was popped and the thinger is gone. Lots of mess spattered about. Everyone is weirded the FUCK out and cautious. Get out the door. And shit is just...dead fucking silent for a while. Only thing we hear besides our own heartbeats and panicked breathing is our fucking footsteps, okay?

Go through some doors and kind of up some stairs, and I start hearing something. Faint as fuck to start. Then as everyone else starts to register it, I realize what it is. Somebody yelling for help. Brain kicked into helper mode at that point, but, uh...well. I kind of couldn't really brain well enough to figure out how to help this guy I didn't know up from hanging over what amounts to a two minute free fall. Every option that popped into my head was dismissed because I could see outcomes where I slipped, he slipped, something bad happen very bad do not. Barret just reaches down and grabs this dude to yank his ass up and starts on the most fucking amazing, badass words I have ever heard from somebody who was not my brother. My brother has had lifetimes to come up with this shit and hold on to it for a rainy day. But the line Barret said just slapped me and called me a bitch. It bought me fucking dinner before how fucked my brain got by it, I was SO fucking tickled, okay.

So we get this guy who is apparently the one guy I initially said I would gut for wrecking shit, and we get him AWAY from death. We follow him on his jittery dash into the building again. And the dude just sort of flips a switch somewhere to go from terrified old man who is generally harmless to 'I am going to make your life suck more in the next two seconds than it has the rest of the time you have been or will be alive, mostly because you will not be alive in the next few seconds' type of fuckery looking asshole. Points some shit at Barret, talks some shit, basically calls him a fucking idiot for not just chucking his ass off the top of the building. Which I'm starting to agree with at this point because old man what the fuck is wrong with you.

And then just....I don't remember. So much here. I remember that the old man bitch was just....suddenly dead, and Barret got dropped, and then I just sort of woke up on the floor later. Everyone was more tired, Barret looked pretty bad but was still around, we made our way out the door again and one of those metal things was gonna land and it just fucking...it almost hit me, I swear to fuck. It exploded.

Then on comes this other fucking metal flying thing. Out steps somebody whose name was probably said but my memory is still kinda fuzzy and I did not have a lot of time to parse anything. All I got was after a bit, it's time for everyone to run, we get a distance away and I register kind of off in the distance somehow that Cloud and Zack aren't there. And then Tifa just fucking vanishes after my brain makes that connection. So it's like...where the fuck are half of us. I promised I would keep some folks among the living, I am going to catch hands if I let some shit happen to them now.

And of course, before I can do much on that track, the ground under me starts moving because wait shit we were in an elevator, we are suddenly getting shot at, and I have to somehow focus enough to murder some shit and not die and maybe keep these others from dying too. And then falling. And then more oh shit oh fuck the shooting is back.

And then the funniest exchange I have ever had a part in. I don't know why I can remember this so well but it fucking tickles me, okay. This fucking bitch standing there like he's important starts with his superior 'lol who are these losers' shit. Barret, all serious, says he's from AVALANCHE, then around the time Aerith pipes up literally a quarter second later my brain goes 'time to be a bastard man' and it's already working on what mine will be, but Aerith goes 'local florist!' and I can tell Red is powering the FUCK up to just floor me so I get my 'mute asshole with magic' shit in while I still can, RIGHT before he opens his mouth to go 'LAB RAT DOG' and I CAN NOT even take this shit seriously with like thirty weapons pointed at us I just fucking start wheezing so hard it sounds like a pelican choking on a coconut.

I don't have time to recompose myself before Tifa pops in with the truck, Cloud and Zack absolutely blow me away with their motorcycles, and I get shoved into the back of the truck next to Barret and Red before they take off because I am so out of it anymore I just can't do some of this shit on my own anymore.

I get a little break at the start when we take off out of the place and finally get on the high road and can clear my head enough to actually start processing shit like a normal people again. Can finally see what the fuck is circling the building, whatever they are called, and just...I don't know what they are, the words for them, any of that. I just know those are the things that abducted Hojo and did the weird 'something invisible hit me and I fell down' shit before.

So like...there's a lot of other motorcycles with dillweeds on them so Barret and I snipe a few when we can safely do so. It's pretty rare because Cloud and Zack are all over the place on their motorcycles, but we do get a few great shots in, including mine where my arrow hit right in front of this guy on the seat and would have hit him if it was like half an inch further and he fucking pissed himself and crashed.

And then that big.....robot fucker. Who I couldn't reliably hit without endangering Cloud or Zack or the rest of us because of the chance of rebounding scrap or arrow fragments, much less a miss. Got to thunder it once we got to the end of the line, though. Lightning spell to the eyes always seems to work with tech.

I...remember there being something after this and before the next part. But it's just...a lot of it is a blur, or missing like someone tore pages out of a book I haven't read before but left a few little scraps here and there, fragments with a name and a snippet of information that I can't quite piece into a whole picture. I remember that afterwards it started to feel like the inside of my skull was scraped and raw, the backs of my eyes aching and so, so bad. And then we were just...back by the truck and motorcycles. It was like I had a big sheet of heavy cloth hung over me that muffled everything and blocked it out, and then suddenly it got yanked back and everything was too bright, too intense, and then it slowly just backed down to tolerable. To where I could see again, hear again. Things made sense again.

And then...it was time to go down. Start moving forward. Cloud and Tifa refused to break the truck or motorcycle by driving it off the high road, but Zack just went 'haha watch this' and jumped it down and I swear everyone else had a mini heart attack but it made it down okay. I have no fucking clue how. I can't replicate it. I don't want to try.

And then...we walked. Until it got to a point it was safe to stop, they felt. And then I got the pot down and food started, and I just...I thought I was going to close my eyes for a second, and then I woke up to Tifa saying she wasn't sure how to do what was needed for the food because it's not her setup and whatnot, so I showed her, and then dozed off again, and woke up again and just...food. And then more sleep. And now I'm here, writing all of this out for you to read, while I struggle to keep everything in generally the correct order and figure out how the fuck to handle the things that I can't explain or name happening.

And I am exhausted. We have a few hours before it's time to get moving again, and I am not on watch, so I am going to crash for a bit longer. I will respond later if anybody has questions or whatever.

[lihikainanea]

Ah, okay okay so imagine tiger and bill aren’t doing too good. Like they aren’t fighting or anything but things are tense and they get upset easily with one another over the tiniest of things and tiger starts to feel glum about it because she loves the dude but neither one of them are in the frame of mind to talk it out and figure out what’s going on. D’you imagine tiger would get some advice from his brothers or maybe even papa Stellan? (Sorry angst, but my situation right now minus Skarsgårds)

Nani, I am mildly here for some angst tonight because I’m writing something that needs me to be in that mindset a bit.

I love this. I love this because it’s so human, you know? Relationships ebb and flow--sometimes it’s the easiest thing in the world, and sometimes it’s the biggest source of your frustration, your anger, your pain. Sometimes there’s a reason for it being that way--but more irritatingly, sometimes there is no reason. No logical path as to how it got here. And somehow, it always catches us by surprise--like we rarely see it devolve, we rarely see it get to that point until we’re at that point and we just sort of look around and go “...how did we get here?”

Maybe it was a result of work. Maybe they’ve both had a lot going on lately that is stressing them out, and they’re snapping at each other. Maybe they’re both tired, a little weary, dealing with things in each of their own lives that they just can’t find a way through. And they’re not fighting, at least not at the very beginning, but they’re definitely both...distant. And the longer they stay distant, then the further that distance gets. Maybe the sex is just mediocre for a long time leading up to this point and hell even through it, so they’re both not finding that physical closeness and intimacy that they look for in the other. There’s no solace, no salve, no soothing balm in the way they both always are for the other. Maybe there’s a reason behind it, or maybe they have just literally hit one of those ruts that all relationships go through. And neither one really knows what to do, they don’t know how to reach out, how to fix it, how to reconnect.

Bill might have gone to granny--hell they both might have--if she was still alive. Just for some perspective, Bill knows tiger, knows her better than anyone, but Granny always has a different perspective on her granddaughter that maybe gives Bill something new to think about. Maybe if tiger was close enough with Gustaf, if she felt comfortable enough, she might approach him for some perspective on Bill.

But shit son, that might not even help. Let’s say beyond shadow of a doubt that Gustaf knows about the two of them, right? Let’s say he knows everything. When tiger goes to him for advice, maybe it doesn’t help at all because in the past when Bill has started to get distant with the women he’s been with, it’s because he was....breaking up with them. It’s because he was done. Gustaf is an honest motherfucker, and maybe he mentions that to tiger because he forgets for a second that he’s not talking to Bill’s best friend anymore. He’s talking to his...he doesn’t even know what.

“He’s always been funny like that,” Gustaf says, “It’s not that he’s hard to tie down, he just needs a lot of space. He’s always liked his space. And when he feels trapped, he flees.”

Tiger stays silent.

“Always been like that,” Gustaf continues, “It lasts for a year or two and then he’s on to the next one.”

And tiger knew that about Bill. She knew it, because she had seen it. She had seen him do it with all of his girlfriends before. The difference is she never even saw this one coming.

But like look, these two fuckers, they’re better than that, right? They’re not going anywhere. And there’s a whole other angle here--this is such a slow, gradual slope but a real slippery one--except it’s so gradual that I really think both fuckers don’t even realize it’s happening. Don’t even realize how distant they’ve become, how much of themselves they’ve lost, how much of the other they’ve lost.

Until they start to fight. Bicker. Actually snap at each other. Until they start spending nights apart, the way they sometimes did at the beginning of their friendship. And it’s easy to wonder how people can drift so fucking far apart and not realize it, until you’re there--and until you realize that they are seeking out what feels good, again. Bill goes back to sleep at his apartment alone because somewhere along the line, that started feeling better. Started feeling better than having tiger snap at him for falling asleep during a movie again, having her not cuddle into him when they sleep, and having sex that felt a lot like just checking a few boxes so that they didn’t become those two people who could go months without sex.

And tiger, for her part, would leave his place and go sleep alone at her own apartment because it was easier than Bill going to bed and not reaching for her anymore, it was easier than him snapping at her when she left things all over his apartment--a random sock, the pile of dishes--and it felt better than having to resign herself over to mediocre sex that was once phenomenal, all to ensure she was doing her part so that they didn’t become those two people who never had sex.

Intimacy, man. It takes forever to build up and it takes a long time to lose. You never see either of those scenarios coming until it’s too late.

But they’re fighters. And I think when the actual fighting starts, is when one of them calls it like it is. And I really don’t know who would be the one to do that, but I kind of like the idea that it’s tiger. Because she’s strong, but with him--she learned to be vulnerable. And that is also a tremendous strength. So they’re fighting--actually fucking arguing, about something she can’t even remember anymore, and their tones are too harsh and their volumes are too high and she just holds up her hand.

“Enough,” she says, “Red. Pineapple. Whatever the fuck word you want to use--enough.”

Bill stares at her, his mouth still open waiting to spit a comeback to whatever he expected her to accuse him of.

“What?” he asks.

“I miss you,” she blurts out. And it’s so fucking honest, so courageous that Bill just stops and stares at her.

“I’m right fucking here,” he says, and she shakes her head. She even walks over to him, grabs his biceps.

“Bill, kiss me,” she demands. He grabs her face---a little roughly--and just pecks her lips. Bland. Boring. Emotionless.

“No,” she says, and she reaches up to cup his face, weave her hands into his hair, “Bill, kiss me. The way you used to.”

He pauses for a second, stares down at her--but ultimately he lightens his touch, runs his thumb over her lips and draws her in for a good one--like the way he used to, the way that somehow got lost. It’s a long one, deep and slow, and he’s not really sure what to expect from her when he pulls away.

“I miss you,” she repeats, “I miss that. I miss us. We’ve lost our way, bud.”

She purposely stays in his arms, wrapped around him, but Bill has developed quite a defensive shell these past few months.

“No we haven’t,” he snaps.

“Yeah we have,” she murmurs, “Bill, we’re snapping at each other all the time. We’re sleeping apart. We don’t kiss each other anymore, the sex is mediocre at best, and we’re just--”

“What the fuck, tiger,” he interrupts, “You’re seriously coming after me like this? Maybe the sex wouldn’t be so bad if--”

“No,” she cuts him off, “This is on both of us. We both did this. And I’m telling you right now--straight up, bud--I’m fighting for this. I’m fighting for us. I want to fight for us. I want to fix this.”

He’s glaring at her, but she doesn’t care. It’s actually a bit of a comfort--the more defensive he gets, the more she knows he’s feeling this too. That he’s noticed it. And if they can both admit it--then they can both fight to make it right again.

“There’s nothing to fix,” he snaps. But tiger isn’t backing down. Not about this--it means too much to her.

“Bill, when was the last time we kissed like that?” she’s careful in the way she words it, not wanting to place the blame on anyone.

“Nothing is perfect, kid,” he sighs, “Fucking like rabbits and all that passionate shit happens at the beginning. No relationship sustains that the entire time.”

She doesn’t yield.

“Bill, I'm fighting for this,” she says, “And if you tell me that you will too, then we can fix it. My cards are on the table.”

And then, she walks away.

He needs time, she knows. Time to admit to himself that there’s an issue, time to get over the hurt that she pointed the issue out when he was trying to ignore it. And maybe when he comes around--it’s gentle. Soft, in a way that she didn’t realize how much she missed. Maybe tiger makes a point to stay over that night, curling up in his bed. It’s not immediate--not even fast--but eventually, eventually he comes into the room too. She feels the bed dip as he sits down, and her heart skips a beat when a gentle hand rests on her rib cage.

“How do we fix it, kid?” he asks. It’s quiet--worried, even.

“I don’t know, bud,” she answers honestly, “But I think we start just like this.”

She can hear him sigh as she sits up, crawls over onto his lap for the first time in a long time. She kisses him softly.

“Maybe we...maybe we go away?” he suggests, “Me and you. To reconnect. And we can work through it there.”

“I like that idea,” she says, “It’s me and you, bud. No one else. And I’m in this. I’m all in.”

“Me too,” he confirms, kisses her again.

“So right now, let’s just lie down and get some sleep. And when we get up tomorrow, we’ll both agree on where we’re going to go, and we’ll pack our bags. Okay? One step at a time,” she says.

“Okay,” he whispers.

“I’ve got promises to keep,” she murmurs, as he hugs her to his chest.

“And miles to go before I sleep.”

[themoonandotherslikeit]

What the Rain Can’t Wash Away - Epilogue

*FINAL PART TO THE LOOK IN HER EYES SERIES*

Sixteen years after Lucifer rose, and Dean lost his wife he finds himself with a teenager, a Nephilim, an angel, and his brother living out a Full House rerun with some seriously dark undertones. How will he be able to raise his daughter, fight monsters, and deal with the loss of the love of his life? Sometimes moving on is the hardest part, but with the Winchester’s there’s always something harder around the corner. Isn’t there?

"No doubt.. Endings are hard, but then again.. nothing ever really ends, does it??"

Seven Months Later

Dean

The bar was busy, bustling. Sometimes it was hard to keep track of everything, but I was starting to get the hang of it. Deep breaths, focus on a specific sound, and block out the rest. It wasn’t always easy, but it was damn effective. 

Things were calm, for once in my life. It still felt wrong, like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop-- jokes on me, though, because it already did. Sometimes there just isn’t another shoe. Most people have only two feet, and I’ve had about a million fall on my head throughout the years. Maybe it is really over, at least that’s what Ave keeps saying. 

“Dean.” 

I’d recognize the voice anywhere, and at the sound of it I reached under the bar for the beer I’d been saving, and I tossed it to him. There wasn’t a crash so I had to assume that Sam still had good hand-eye coordination. Well, better than mine at least. “Sammy. Back from the hunt already?” 

“It was a milk run.” I could hear the grin in his voice. He was a proud fucker. He loved the hunt, and I couldn’t fault him for that. Sometimes I missed it, but mostly I didn’t. The squeak of his favorite bar stool told me he sat down. Guess he was planning on staying awhile. 

“Cas with you?’

“He went back to the bunker to check on the kids.” 

“They probably aren’t there. It’s summer. Can’t hardly keep tabs on them anymore.”

“Who does that sound like?” 

I laughed and shook my head, leaning on the bar. “Shut up, Sammy. Guess this is what I deserve, huh? After all I put Dad through.” 

“Yeah, man,” Sam said softly, reaching out and touching my arm. “It is. You seem good.” 

Sometimes I tried to remember what Sam looked like. Every day was harder. It all seemed so fuzzy, and I wasn’t sure what I was making up or what was true. 

“I am good,” I said, and it wasn’t even a lie. “Bar is doing great.” 

“I can tell! You’ve got a lot of business.” 

“We’re holding our own.” 

Sam was still in the life, and he came and went a lot, but he always ended up back home. That was all that mattered. 

“Where’s Ave?” 

“She ran to get limes. We were out.”

“So she’s not sick of you yet?” 

“Quit grinning, Sammy,” I said with a laugh. A familiar warmth grew in my gut as Ava’s face popped into my head-- well what I could remember of it. “Nah, she’s not tired of me yet.” 

“You made it, man.” 

“Yeah, I did.” 

“Excuse me? Can I get some service down here?” A voice called from the end of the bar. 

“Be right back,” I said to my brother, shaking my head. “Duty calls.” 

I slid down to the end of the bar in front of the girl calling for me. I leaned in toward her. “How can I help you?” 

“How about a glass of red.” 

“How about a soda,” I retorted with a smile. “Just because I can’t see doesn’t mean I’m blind. 

She reached forward and grabbed my head, illuminating my vision. Eleanor sat in front of me, my own patented grin painted on her lips. “Hey, Dad.” 

“Hey kiddo. What brings you around?”

“Going to take Claire on a date,” she said, blushing a bit. “And I missed you. Where’s Mom?” 

“Getting limes.”

Seeing her never got old. When she touched my hand it was like she turned the light on. She was happy, glowing, literally. I was proud of her. 

“Ah, maybe I’ll catch her before the movie.” 

I couldn’t stop staring at her. There weren't many things in the world that I loved more than looking at her. 

“Dean, I’m back.” 

I sat up straighter, turning toward the door. “El, can I--” 

It was like she clicked on global vision, and I was seeing the whole bar through her eyes. The door opening, and in the midst of the afternoon crowd my beautiful wife came in, arms full of a bag of bright green limes, bouncing against her large pregnant belly. 

“Nel, you’re here,” Ave said, dropping the limes on the counter before wrapping our daughter into a hug. Ella let go of my hand to hug her mom back, clicking the lights back off for me, but the sight of Ava’s round belly was still burned into my vision like I’d stared too long at the sun. 

She was almost ready to burst at any time. We had the nursery completed upstairs, but we’d been dragging our feet moving out of the bunker. It still felt weird that Eleanor didn’t live with us. I think we felt like if we left that we would be moving on without her. We didn’t know what we were having, Ave wanted it to be a surprise, and I wanted whatever she wanted. She deserved to be happy and stress free. My job was to be the best husband possible. No Hell Hounds, no hunts, no money problems. The goal was to be happy. That was it. 

She wanted to be a stay at home mom with this one. She didn’t want to miss anything else, and that was fine with me. I wouldn’t blame her if she wanted to go back to the force, but the itch is a lot easier to ignore when you aren’t faced with it everyday, at least that’s what I told myself. 

We were going away after we closed up tonight. They called it a ‘baby moon’ the last weekend away before the baby comes. I told her that we should go back to the beach, where we first started to fall in love with each other. I wouldn’t be against the sand in my toes, a classic shitty motel, the smell of the sea… 

I could remember her running out to the beach, her arms in the air, Sam and I following after her like the lovesick puppies we were. It felt like a different lifetime. I guess it kind of was. 

“Mom are you okay?” 

“What’s going on?” I asked, snapping out of my own personal day dream. 

Ave sucked in her breath, and I made my way around the bar, keeping my hand on the edge until I made it around to her. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she huffed. 

“You don’t look fine,” Ella said, suspiciously. 

“Ava, what’s happening?” I asked, touching her arm. She leaned into me immediately, and I reached down to touch her stomach. It was tight, and my eyebrows came together. “Are you having a contraction?” 

After a moment of gasping and gripping my shoulder with her hand she whispered, “Fine, yes,” breathlessly. 

“How long?”

“All morning,” she said sheepishly, letting out a pained laugh. 

“Damnit, Ave.” 

“Don’t do that,” she said dismissively. 

“Hey Sam, go get the car.” I dug my phone out of my pocket and handed it to El. “Can you get Claire to come close up shop? We’re having a baby.” 

My heart was racing. I couldn’t hide that I was excited, and fucking terrified. We didn’t have a great track record and even though this pregnancy has seemed pretty seamless, there was still a lot of risk. “Are you good, sweetheart?” I asked Ava, wrapping my arm around her. 

“Still hate that,” she gasped, another contraction racking her body. “But yeah, I’m good.” 

A honk came from out front and I put my arm under hers. “Ready?”

“It’s probably nothing, Dean… My water hasn’t even broken.” 

“Ava Winchester, just because I can’t see you doesn’t mean I don’t know you’re in pain. Let’s go get you checked out. If anything, we will just come home and watch a movie. Okay?” 

“Fine,” she huffed. Stubborn woman. 

We got in the car, Sammy was driving and Ave, and I were in the backseat. I let her lay down, and I held onto her. “I’ve got you, Ave.” 

I tried not to think much about the day that Eleanor was born. The day I missed, but as Ava writhed in pain in my lap I couldn’t help but wonder if Sam was holding her like this. I couldn’t help but wonder if she was afraid. 

She squeezed my hand tightly, pulling my arm around her. I could feel her tears on my forearm. I’d have given anything to take her pain away. “Wish I could switch places with you,” I whispered into her hair. 

“You couldn’t handle it,” she gasped out. 

She was probably right. 

We rolled up to the hospital, and they wheeled her to her room while Sam and I took care of all of the paperwork. Now that I was an official business owner, we had legitimate insurance. It was kind of weird putting our real names on the forms. 

“Is this what it was like the first time?” I asked. 

“Huh?” I could hear his pencil scribbling on the forms. 

“When Ella was born? Was this what it was like?” 

“No,” Sam said softly, his pencil stopping. “She didn’t go into labor then. She had to be induced. It was pretty scary, actually, but she did great.”

“I’m scared,” I admitted. 

“You’d be crazy not to be,” Sam said, squeezing my shoulder. 

“Thanks for being there for her the first time.” 

“You’ll do it this time. It’s pretty incredible, honestly.” 

“You think you and Eileen will ever?”

Sam exhaled and was quiet for a moment. I could hear his pencil tapping. “Doubt it. I already have two kids, basically three with Claire. Plus, I like the hunt too much. So does she.”

I smiled a bit to myself. I used to feel that way. Incredible how your perspective can change. Guess I had to lose my sight in order to truly see. 

Ava 

I wasn’t ready. I hadn’t done the baby’s laundry. We hadn’t even fully moved into the apartment. I think I kept expecting the other shoe to drop, something to change, to fall apart. I didn’t expect this. 

I was laying in a hospital bed, with my feet in the air and some nurse had her fingers probing for my cervix. I thought I was going to throw up, and all I could think about was Dean. Part of me wondered if he ran, even though he wouldn’t have to see anything traumatic. I couldn’t stop thinking about how last time I did this I was all alone. 

Except for Sam. 

Sam really was the only constant for Dean and I. We should buy him a fruit basket or cigars or name this kid after him, or something. 

The door opened, exposing Sam and Dean. If I didn’t know any better I’d think Dean was about to throw up, and Sam didn’t look much better, if I was being honest. I instinctively reached out for Dean, forgetting for a second that he couldn’t see me. It was still hard sometimes. Sam nudged him in my direction, and he found my hand easily. “Are you okay?” He asked softly, gripping me tightly. 

I looked to the nurse who smiled tentatively, removing her hand and discarding her glove. “Ava you’re about eight inches dilated. I’m going to have the OB come in and check you out, okay?” 

“Sure,” I said with a hopeful smile before turning to Dean. 

Sam had slipped out with the nurse, leaving Dean and I alone. I was appreciative of that. I moved my feet from the stirrups, because who knew how long the doctor would take, and I scooted over. “Sit,” I demanded quietly. 

He placed his hand down on the bed and felt around until he was able to sit next to me, feeling him next to me immediately relaxed me a bit. “Sammy?” He called out. 

“He ditched out. My legs being up in the air probably scared him away.” 

“Good,” Dean said with an ornery smile. He leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to my lips. “He should be scared.”

I laughed lightly and kissed him before wincing from another contraction. He held me against him, his face curling down into concern. Ever since his eyesight left him, Dean was even more easily readable than before. Since he couldn’t see people’s faces, it’s like he forgot that we could still see his expressions. “What?” I gasped out a bit. 

“Huh?” 

“You seem… concerned.” 

“I am concerned,” he admitted, his forehead wrinkling as his eyebrows came together. “The nurse she sounded… worried, I guess. Shit, I don’t know. Maybe I’m just freaking out.” 

I smiled at him warmly and touched his cheek. He was so fucking cute. The big bad Dean Winchester, single father for sixteen years, and so damn afraid. I loved him so much for it. “No freaking out allowed. I’m about to push a living being out of my vagina. You aren’t allowed to freak out.” 

“Right,” he said, his face getting serious. “Sorry, I shouldn’t do that. You need me to be strong. I should be your support here, not cause more issues.” 

“You’re okay, Dean. I’m just giving you crap.” I pulled his face to me, and I kissed him desperately. “It’s your first time.” 

“I hate that I missed Ella’s birth. I think about it a lot.” 

“I wish you were there, too.” 

A knock came to the door, and I looked toward the door. “Mrs. Winchester?” 

“That’s me.” 

“I’m going to just check you out,” Dr. Laucklan said with a warm smile. 

I frowned a bit. “Why? The nurse just did.” 

“I just want to double check. I don’t want you to be concerned.” 

Concerned. Well I was. How could I not be after she said that? Dean stood up and held my hand tightly. 

“It’s good to see you again, Dean.”

“Good to hear ya Doc,” Dean said, beaming. 

I adjusted my legs back into the stirrups and scooted to the end of the table. 

They never really tell you how much it sucks getting your cervix messed with. It hurts in a way that is unnatural, it’s mean, and Dean has learned, and is already squeezing my hand in preparation. It was almost eighteen years ago that I was here with Ella, Sam snuggled behind me, but it didn’t feel like that long. My body remembered this feeling like I just went through it. I barely felt healed from the first time, but dying does weird things to you. Nothing is ever really normal after that. Not that my life with the Winchester’s had ever been normal. 

My OB was making sounds in reaction to whatever she was doing between my legs. It was a humming, a sort of judgmental noise that left me unsettled. 

Something was wrong. 

She pulled her hand away and discarded her glove. “Ava, Dean,” she began, and my stomach dropped. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want you to be worried, but there may be a change in plans,” she explained. “Your baby has flipped since your last appointment, he or she is now in a breech position.” 

“What?” I asked, my heartbeat pounding so angrily in my ears that the sound was virtually impossible to override. 

“Can we do anything about that? Turn them around? I think I heard of that…” Dean’s voice was far away. He couldn't see my face, and it was probably for the best, because I had to look absolutely terrified. 

I ran my hands over my swollen stomach. This was the last place that my little one would be safe. Inside of me, they’re safe, but now… what I was hearing from my doctor told me that I couldn’t even protect them. “What do we do?” I asked, the sound of my own voice snapping me out of that feeling that I was underwater. 

“I want to suggest a Cesarean.” 

“A C-section,” I said, dumbfounded. 

“What?” Dean’s voice was rising, and I couldn't even look at him. I couldn't process my emotions and his. It was all too much. “That isn’t a part of our birth plan.” 

In any other circumstance, hearing Dean Winchester use the phrase birth plan would be insanely entertaining to me. “Dean,” I whispered, reaching for his hand again. I finally turned to see his face, it was twisted, his cheeks wet from tears. I had to remind myself that this was his first time. Last time didn’t exactly go as planned. “It’s okay.” 

“No, Ave… it’s…” 

“Hey,” I said, tugging him to me. I brushed my nose against his. “I love you. Everything will be okay. We want to do what's safest for our little pumpkin.” 

He pressed his forehead to mine in a way that was so gentle that it made my heart hurt. “I just want you both to be okay.” 

“We will be. You’ll be right there the whole time.” 

“But I can’t see,” Dean said, his voice breaking into a soft, strained sob. 

I touched his cheek, holding his face, and I closed my own eyes so we would be on equal terms. “You don’t have to be able to see to be there. You aren’t defined by that, Dean. Not to me.” 

“Okay,” he whispered with a nod. “Okay.” 

Ella 

I’ve learned a lot of tricks in the last few months. Some Cas taught me, some Billie, and some I just learned myself. One of the best, though, is the most simple. I like to be invisible. Sometimes I just watched them, my parents. I watch them be together, be in love. Sometimes I’ll just rest my hand on Dad’s shoulder so he can see Mom. The look on his face when he does is always one of complete adoration. It’s kind of like how Claire looks at me. 

I wouldn’t ever admit it to them, but I spent a lot of time back in that bar, the one where they met. I even went back in time once, just to watch them meet. It may not have been obvious to them, but I could tell that they were already spent on each other. Especially Dad. 

I heard their prayers from the hospital like they were right next to me, pressed against my ear. With all of the power in the world I still didn’t know how to fix this. 

I popped into the operating room, everything was sterile, blue. The air was cold and Mom was shivering. Her arms were spread out and strapped down. She sort of looked like Jesus on the cross, and the sight left me sick to my stomach. 

Dad’s hands were shaking as he held her hand. He wore blue gowns, something over his hair, and a mask. He looked alien. I wished someone had taken a photograph. 

They were both behind a curtain that separated Mom’s stomach from the rest of her body. The doctor cut into her, pulled her organs out to expose her uterus, and I felt awful for ever being born. The human body was incredible. 

Mom was crying. I could feel the fear pulsing off of her in a way that was almost palpable, so I broke my own rule and I pressed my hand into hers. Her fingers curled in immediately and her head turned to me. Thank you, she prayed, and I squeezed her hand in response. 

I spent my entire life wanting a relationship with her, and the moment she got back I had to go and die. We were cursed. People always said that, other hunters, angels, demons. You Winchester’s are cursed. I never believed it, but I had started to. We were supposed to be Chuck’s favorites, but maybe there’s something not so good about being God’s favorite after all. 

I just hoped this baby didn’t get the curse. 

“Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Winchester,” the doctor said as she lifted a wailing baby out of my mother. “You have a son.”

Dean

I have a son.

I couldn’t begin to explain the feeling that washed over me when the words came out of the doctor. Son. I had one already, of course. But things with Jack were always a little complicated. I love him like he’s my own. Something felt different, though. With this baby I felt like I had a fresh start. He didn’t know anything I’ve done. To him I am just his father. I’m not the righteous man. I’m not a dark shadow, murderer, knight of hell, monster. 

I am just me. 

The nurse placed my son in my arms, and I felt how small he was. He was tiny and squirming, and I felt myself cry. I hadn’t loved anything this much since the first time I held Ella. There was nothing like it. 

And in a blink the lights were on. The darkness dissipated, and I knew she was with me. She was giving me a chance to see my son.

I couldn’t look away from him. He looked at me with hazy eyes, his face pink and swollen. His head was perfectly round, like an orange. His tiny fingers flexed for me, pin pricked with dimples. He looked a little like Sam when he was a baby, and I touched his tiny chin. It was the size of my thumb and the sight of it made my heart squeeze. “Ave he’s gorgeous.” I turned so she could see him, and she was crying. She was beautiful, even pale and her hair tucked away inside of a cap. “You’re beautiful,” I whispered quietly to her.

Her face flashed in recognition. “You can see me.”

“I’ve always been able to see you.”

I held our son against my chest, with my daughters hand pressed to my shoulder, and for the first time in my life, we were all together. Everything was perfect. “I don’t need eyes to see you Ava Winchester.” 

She smiled as I laid our son on her chest, near her face. As I leaned down to her and pressed my lips to her forehead everything went dark again, but this time it didn’t scare me. This time I didn’t feel empty, and I was sure that I would never feel empty and afraid again. 

------

A/N: 

I can't believe this day is finally here. I've been dragging my feet really badly, because this series is what made me want to write again. This show has pulled me out of my absolute darkest places, given me a beautiful new group of friends, and a purpose. I think I associated my joys with the show and my feelings toward it with this fic... so what happens when it's over? I'm not afraid of that anymore.  

Now I'm just enjoying a large coffee, and the bittersweet feeling of endings. Please yell at me anytime. I live for it. 

Love you all

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Read part 3 on AO3 here

Tag list:

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[afewmarvelousthoughts]

Stay Ch. 9

Master List: @afewmarvelousthoughtsadmin

Pairing: Natasha X Reader (Female)

Summary: You have a gift, the ability to see other people’s innermost secrets. For years you used it to gather intel for the highest bidder when you take on The Widow. After she becomes more than a mark the two of you spend years stealing moments. Post snap you wait in your designated meeting place, look back on the sordid past you share with the woman you love and hope against everything that she’s still alive.

Warnings: Physical violence, crime(?), SMUT

A/N:  This is the longest chapter of Stay I’ve done but I just couldn’t bring myself to break it up into two small chapters. I’m just gonna come out and say that after the cut is just a chunk of smut, sweet sweet smut (I’m still feeling some kind of way about the smut I write but whatever it’s fun). And don’t these two deserve some smut?! 

I hope y’all are still enjoying these ladies as we kind of go on this winding journey with them. This one is so different in pace from my other stuff, that it kind of throws me a bit and I worry I’m not building enough up here. But -shrug- Oh anxiety how I love you making me question literally EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN THING I DO. 

Still I’m so happy this happens to be my last fic post of 20-GAYteen (I mean I pushed this to today just to make sure it was lol). Gay smutty and emotional. Perfect ending to a stressful year lol.

Tags are open!

@mywinterwolf  @disagreetoagree @breezy1415 @peachthatdrinkslemonade @5aftermidnight  @jeromethepsycho @daniellajocelyn @marvel-randomness @katecolleen  @yanginginthere @buckysstar

You don’t care about the money. Sure it was the biggest payout you had ever agreed to, yes the money would be a great cushion, hell you could stop working for a bit. But you had been in enough tight spots throughout your whole life that you knew when to cut and run.

Back in your hotel, you throw your things into your bag, double check the few weapons you carry, and leave out the back formulating an escape plan as you go. A car would be the best option, the airport was too risky, too visible. So you head to the closest car park and plan to jump the shittiest car you can find.

As you jimmy the door of an old Peugeot you sense someone approaching you, the vibe distinctly making you think of that Brock fuck from earlier. You spin and a knife just misses you. Grabbing your bag you run. At the edge of the lot he catches you and slams you into the brick wall you face scraping against it.

“You know,” he growls in your ear, his breath hot and damp, “Pretty girls like you really shouldn’t be out alone at night.” You push back against him testing his weight and stance and he presses harder, “This is really going to be much easier for you if you just play along.”

He can’t see the sly smile that curls your lips. This wasn’t the first man to think he could easily get the drop on you. Before you could have defended yourself well enough, but now… Thanks, Honey, you think as you kick his feet from under him and slam your elbow into his face as he falls. Just like Natasha showed you.

He is, however, tough. In an instant he’s up, nose bleeding, “Oh, I’m going to enjoy fucking you up now.”

“I bet,” you drawl you lip curling up in disgust. He lunges at you and there’s the perfect moment for you to use Natasha’s headlock. It’s as satisfying as you anticipated. You don’t have to try to knock him unconscious though. Thighs squeezing his throat you rest your hands on his head. Initially, your intention is to do to him what you had done to the merc in the warehouse, completely rupture his brain, but he slams you both onto the hood of a car before you’re able. Not before you can do just enough to render him unconscious though.  

He slides down the hood from between your legs and you try to get breath back into your lungs and fight the spinning in your head from slamming it into the car’s windshield. There wasn’t time to gather yourself though. You had to assume he wasn’t alone. Grabbing your bag you sprint toward the nearest populated street.

People seem to think it’s best to stick to the outskirts when you went on the run but really the more people around you the better your chances. Especially when dealing with someone who obviously wants to stay off the radar.

In front of a busy touristy restaurant, you note a valet. Perfect.

You felt bad about knocking the kid unconscious, and a Mercedes wasn’t exactly low-key, but right now it was run or be killed, or worse… captured.

As you drive, you try to sort through the images that sunk in from this Brock. No other personal information but his first name had come to you but you saw training that didn’t look to be U.S. military, a fleeting glimpse of an emblem that looked like an octopus, and some sort of ceremony that made you think of videos you had seen of Nazi Youth rallies. You were certain that he was still a lackey. Just a pawn sent by someone to collect you. Because he had said ‘fuck you up’ not ‘kill you.’ Those were two very different things.

Then there was the emotion you gathered from him, conviction. This was something beyond just some crime syndicate. No. That level of devotion was fanatical. He enjoyed hurting you, he was enjoying it because he thought there was some deeper purpose he was serving by doing it.

Every part of you wants to warn Natasha. Be able to tell her something to signify that things have gone very wrong with this gig. Sadly, the two of you hadn’t thought that far ahead. Right now the only thing you could do was get the hell out of Turkey, head into some nondescript European city and wait for her call.

- Post Snap -

You run your finger around the edge of your crystal tumbler, making the glass sing. While you hadn’t gone to your room you had switched to a corner booth. A few tables down a man is on his side on the bench, curled up, weeping softly.

You envy him. Other than a few stray tears weeping hadn’t come to you. Falling apart couldn’t happen, not yet. Even when you saw your team turn to fucking dust you hadn’t cried, just stared in horror. Shock maybe. Or maybe at this point in your life, you were just too broken to show quite that much emotion. Who knew?

Brock. the name rolls around in your head. Brock fucking Rumlow. If only you had gotten his last name then. Maybe if that had come to you so many things would be different… better… maybe then you wouldn’t be sitting in this hotel bar at the end of the world wondering if you were too broken to properly mourn.

Rage, red and hot begins to fill you. Not just at him but at them all… everything and everyone who seemed determined to make your life hell. You shake with the emotion, the energy from it welling inside you, making the space between your brows ache.

The bartender, leaning on the counter and staring into space, suddenly looks in your direction. Instinct telling her what her other senses can’t. That someone or something here is very… wrong. A threat she can perceive though she can’t tell what it is or why she’s feeling this. You force yourself to take a deep breath, quelling the anger inside you just a touch. She seems to relax once you’re no longer flinging your emotions into the room.

Once again you turn your thoughts back to your memories. Something to ground you so you didn’t send the room into a frenzy on accident.

Dublin, that was where you landed after Turkey. A part of you had wanted to head back to the states but that fucker was obviously American and you wanted to be close enough to get to Natasha quickly.

Thankfully, her time in the Red Room was short and you were only there for a few weeks before the message came through to meet her in Prague.

- February 2005 -

You sit at the bar of the mid-range hotel Natasha chose sipping on a Makers. You’re on edge, had been for weeks ever since your run in with Brock. All your digging had brought up nothing but dead ends and cold leads. However, three days ago, the agreed payment had been deposited into one of your accounts.

You didn’t touch it. Still weren’t sure you would. All efforts to backtrack the transaction led nowhere. Whoever that employer had been they were a ghost now. It left the worst taste in your mouth that even the Makers couldn’t drown.

You sense her before seeing her. Her aura louder than a siren. Your heart skips a few beats and a smile fills your face. Spinning on your bar stool you look to the lobby. Her sleek black trench conceals her figure and large sunglasses hide much of her face, still, she has the presence of a stunning woman. Your woman.

Natasha’s eyes light on you and it feels like you’re caught in the best kind of electrical storm. All your hair is on end your skin tingling just by her looking at you and smiling. Damn.

She nods toward the elevator and walks away. You leave a tip on the bar and follow her.

Just to be safe you don’t acknowledge one another at the elevator. Well, no more than two strangers would. Just smile and nod while looking to passersby that you’re standing in companionable silence. Nothing gives away the fact that the air between you is on fire with emotion. The doors slide open and somehow you maintain composure on the ride up.

It’s the longest elevator ride of your life. The wait as you were bleeding from that stab wound was less intense. When you finally close the door to the room nothing in the whole damn world could keep you from one another.

Immediately you press her against the wall, desperate to taste her kiss. Gripping her shoulders you press your lips to hers. It feels like the first breath you’ve taken in weeks. Her body melts into yours immediately. Reaching up you pluck the sunglasses from her face and toss them away.

Emeralds peek from beneath her lashes. The circles under her eyes only making the color all the more striking. On her right cheekbone is the ghost of a bruise. Tenderly you press a kiss to it. Without a word she opens the memory to you, a woman’s swift backhand cracking over her face. It didn’t matter. You had her now.

Pulling back your hands find hers. Gently you tug her to the bed. At the foot, you slip your fingers into the knot of the trench coat belt and undo it before sliding the garment to the floor. She takes your chin in her hand and pulls you into another kiss and you slide your hands around to the back of her skirt tugging the zipper down.

As her skirt slides down her hips you do the same, slowly sinking to your knees before her. You hook your fingers into the lace of her underwear and pull them to her ankles, holding her gaze. Her nails dig through your thick curls and scratch your scalp, sending tingles through your body as you bring your mouth to her, sucking a bit, teasing.

When the small moan of pleasure tumbles from her, you grab her hips and push her back onto the plush bed. Surrendering she tumbles back, with more grace than should be allowed, her legs tangled in her heels, skirt, and underwear dangle from the edge. Freeing her of the skirt and underwear, you slip the killer heels from her feet and run lingering kisses up her legs.

Goosebumps cover her creamy skin and her breathing is ragged. A part of you wants to tease her, drag this out, take time ridding her of blouse before having her but you’re not that strong-willed, unfortunately. Your lips press gently against her folds, tongue just barely tracing the outline of her.

“Fuck,” she sighs as her sips lift and her fingers tangle in your hair. When your tongue flicks across her clit she cries out just a little and the burning in the base of your abdomen ticks up a notch.

Yes. This is what you both need. Forget everything else. Right now there’s just this. Just the taste of her, the sound, her fingers in your hair. This was everything.

You suck at her clit, your nails digging into her thighs and she shudders with pleasure. Sliding two fingers into her you can tell she’s already on the edge, thighs shaking, breath ragged. Yes. You plunge as deep as you can, fingers curling just a touch, rolling her clit under your tongue.

“Y/N!” She cries, “Please baby. Oh, fuck!” Her hips buck up and you press them down hard with your left forearm holding her steady.

Her orgasm crashes into the both of you like a fucking hurricane. Holding your head steady her body practically convulses and you feel her walls contract against your fingers as you fuck her through it. Beyond the physical her emotions and pleasure curl into your body setting you on fire. This is very new and absolutely fucking incredible.

“Natasha,” you breathe out. You feel almost drunk as she guides you onto the bed.

Your head hits the pillow and you watch her slip the woven white blouse over her head revealing a lacy bra. You were so used to seeing her in tactical dress that it takes your breath away.

“You’re fucking beautiful you know,” you drawl taking her in. She smiles and lowers to your face kissing you deeply as her hands unbutton your jeans. Releasing the kiss she works them off you. You lean up and tear your tee off, desperate to feel her body pressed to you. Hovering over you she smiles as she presses her right thigh against your center, already slick. Your eyes flutter closed, the mix of emotions coming from her truly intoxicating.

“I say,” she whispers before kissing you, “we don’t leave this room for 24 hours.”

That was the best idea you’d heard from her yet

[mama-m1na]

Journey of the Chaos Trio: Chapter 8

                                                  ~~~VIII~~~

As the red dragon flew over Xadia Runaan made sure the shadows didn’t get too close.

It was a tense ride as the dragon flew as fast as she could and the ravenette’s condition was only getting worse as she had to keep using her magic to keep the attention of the shadows.

“Mina, you need to stop,” Tijarah gently scolded as the girl coughed again.

Her hair looked ratty as she had been stressing for the two hours of their flight, she had turned quite a few shades paler, and her eyes were so clouded that they could have been classified as grey.

Before she could protest the ravenette looked down to see the saddened eyes of the baby dragon then up to the many worried glances of her friends before letting out a weak huff.

Three hours later the dragon landed in the clearing of the tree with the shadows circling above them.

“You need to keep them close but don’t let those things into the clearing,” Rhamina commanded weakly as Choe and Tijarah helped her off of Kerstin, “Them same goes for all of you. No matter what happens you do not come back into the clearing.”

“Rhamina, you’re too weak to even stand on your own,” Runaan said with a glare as he jumped of Kerstin.

“If you’re worried about me dying, it’s going to happen either way,” she said with a weak glare of her own before a shriek came from above them, “There’s no time anyway now go.”

With shaky hands Rhamina passed the bat to Chloe and ushered Zym to follow Tijarah.

“Come on, Hun, it won’t be safe for you here.”

The dragon refused to move from it’s spot next to her ankles before Tijarah picked him up and the girls warily let her go to stand on her own.

Rhamina watched as the group dispersed into the trees or into the sky followed by one of the shadows.

Turning to the tree she limped her way over almost tripping over herself a few times.

Kneeling before it she removed her hood from her face and took a deep breath.

She could feel the magic of the tree calling to her as she let her aura expose itself as her eyes closed.

Upon feeling the magic one of the shadows turned to the tree only to be smacked away by Kerstin’s tail.

“Not on my watch, Bitch!” she exclaimed.

After feeling a connection with the tree the ravenette opened her eyes and began her spell.

“Shadow cold and dark. Make the final plea…”

The long locks of raven hair began to float around her as the air became thick and tense.

“Take the sands of time. And set the spirit free”

The tree began to develop cracks in it as she continued her incantation.

“Wither and decay. End this destiny…”

The cracks began to glow purple as it filled with energy.

“Break these earthly chains. And set the spirit free…”

As the ravenette looked down to her arms her veins began to glow the same shade of purple as the tree’s trunk began to split open at the cracks and reach for her.

“The spirit free…”

Everyone snapped their heads back towards the clearing once the moment they could no longer feel any trace of the ravenette.

“What the hell just happened?!” Kerstin asked as she pushed back one of the shadows.

“We need to go check, hoot!” Chloe exclaimed immediately running towards where they left the ravenette.

“Chloe!” Tijarah yelled as she remembered the directions she was given.

“Fuck!” she exclaimed, her worry overpowering her want to not mess anything up.

They weren’t the only ones because about five minutes later everyone of the group had appeared at the clearing looking for the female but all they saw was the tree.

It was balled up and only seemed to close tighter as a few got an idea of what happened.

“Did the tree just fucking eat Mina?” Sam asked as she watched a purple light pulse from the cracks that were still in the wood.

“Sam, Kerstin, how exactly did she meet the Fates?” Runaan asked still in shock.

“We don’t know,” Kerstin answered ignoring the distant shrieks of the shadows, “She never told us. Why?”

“She told me that this tree was a gateway to meet the Fates,” he explained looking at the tree.

“So do you think this was how?” Tijarah asked still slightly shocked, horrified, and disgusted.

“Most likely.”

“It worked!” Viren laughed as he looked into a crystal ball at his study, “She actually went to break the seal!”

“Indeed; however, there is no telling how long that could take,” the elf in the mirror commented.

“What do you mean?”

“With that spell she needs to reabsorb all of her previous powers while abandoning her human body and manifesting her other form,” Aaravos explained through the caterpillar on the human’s ear, “It was quite vast you know. Those kinds of  things take time.”

“You didn’t tell me of this,” Viren said with irritation.

“You never asked,” the elf smirked, “And if you want your plan to work then you will have to be patient.”

“Well, no matter the wait, our weapon will be revived.”

Rhamina felt as if she was floating until it felt as if she was falling.

Her eyes snapped open once she felt her ass hit the ground.

“Mother fucker!” she growled as she stood in the familiar desolate wasteland.

“You seem to be doing well,” a smooth female voice chuckled.

“Not the time Mer’as,” Rhamina huffed as she stood up and dusted off the white dress she was in before looking up at the female with olive skin, black hair styled into a bob and ram horns on her head.

“You seem grumpier than when we last saw each other,” a smooth, deep voice commented causing Rhamina to turn and flip off the male who had olive skin; long, straight, black hair; and curved goat horns on his head.

“Eat my fucking dick, Ruzamad!”

Both beings looked quite similar to each other due to the fact they were siblings.

The Fates who looked over this world.

They both wore black clothes with black leather straps and matching dark, metal collars.

The ravenette only rolled her eyes before setting off in a certain direction.

“Where are you going?” the female asked from her left as her brother fell in step from the right.

“What do you think?” she hissed, “I’m getting my body and powers back.”

The siblings gasped as their eyes widened.

“Are you sure you want to do that, Love?-” “Don’t call me that!” Rhamina snapped as the siblings were silenced by her glare, “You aren’t here to question me, you’re just here to test  those who try to find the truth and I’ve already passed.”

She continued walking in between the fates but quickly noticed the surroundings were different than when she was here last time.

“What is this?” she asked looking around only to see the siblings panicking, “Why is this part different?”

“What do you mean?” Mer’as asked.

“Nothing’s changed since you left,” Ruzamad finished only earning a glare from Rhamina.

‘Liars,’ she thought as her eyes soaked in the different sights and sounds as she kept walking in a straight line.

‘No way…’ she thought keeping a straight face as a realization came to mind, ‘Are these the truths of other worlds?’

“We’re here,” chirped Mer’as as the trio stopped in front of an oversized, black chest.

Rhamina did not hesitate to step forward as the chest as well as her pendant began to glow purple before the chest suddenly flung open and purple wisps began to surround the female.

She could feel herself changing as her feet left the ground. Her hair grew down to her knees and a pair of black fox ears materialized a top her head accompanied by nine, large, black fox tails tipped in purple.

Her attire changed to an elegant, black and purple kimono with slits running up both sides of them to allow for easier movement in combat.

“I’ll be asking you more questions later,” she snarled at the Fates before waving her hand.

In front of her a white door with golden flourishes appeared in front of her and she placed a hand on it before continuing, “But right now I have bigger problems to deal with.”

As the door closed behind the ravenette Ruzamad sighed and said, “Now their both awake and she has the full truth.”

“The others will most definitely not be happy with us,” Mer’as sighed as she looked up at the twinkling sky above her.

Viren could only watch with a large smile as a golden glow began to surround the female trapped in ice.

It grew even more as the ice began to crack causing the golden light to seep through.

“Yes...”

“Yes.”

“Yes!” he cheered as the ice completely shattered causing the female to fall to the ground.

She groaned as her eyes fluttered open and found themselves on the mage.

“What happened?”

The group was beginning to tire.

It had been about an hour since the female had been engulfed into the tree and they had been battling ever since.

“Fuck! How long is this going to take?!” Tijarah asked as she threw back a shadow for about the hundredth time.

“We shouldn’t have let her do this!” Sam exclaimed mostly in worry for her sibling’s wellbeing.

Suddenly a large surge of magic came from the tree they were protecting and it’s trunk straightened out before the branches uncurled revealing healthy plum colored leaves.

However, once it was fully opened a familiar form was there radiating with pure magic as her raven locks floated behind her.

“Mina!” cheered the girls tiredly.

“I’m sorry I took so long guys,” she said as she floated to meet the group on the ground as the shadows seemed to watch, “You can sit back now. It’s my turn.”

“Rhamina, we’ve literally tried everything!” Callum panted as the ravenette laid him down gently.

“I know that’s why I’m here now,” she spoke quietly before turning to the shadows and glaring.

“I don’t know what you’re planning but you got what you want!” she announced looking directly at each individual form, “I’m fully awake and so is Marianna. Just know that you will repent for provoking me!”

As soon as she was finished speaking she stepped forward and her tails whipped around striking each shadow once before it’s form dissipated leaving behind a magenta wisp.

She held out her hand before flicking her wrist towards herself and the wisps floated closer to her.

“Sknaht rof eht leam!” she chirped before consuming each one.

She then turned to the group who basically sat in shock while Sam and Kerstin were filled with excitement to have their sister back at full strength.

“You really are something aren’t you?” Runaan smiled, still trying to catch his breath.

“Yep, and that something ain’t good,” she chuckled before going to her bag and collecting a large flask as a soft glow covered her form leaving her in her previous clothes save for the cloak, “You all take a breather and I’ll be back with water.”

As soon as she got back Rhamina passed around the flask and sang the song of healing again to take care of the groups injuries as the bat flew back to hook onto the front of her shirt.

“So does this mean Marianna is awake again?” Sam asked causing the ravenette’s ear to twitch.

“Yes.”

“Oh, my god we are so fucked,” Kerstin laughed as she threw her head back, “Peace here didn’t work, Viren’s on our ass, and Marianna’s awake.”

“Arrrrrrrrrr,” Sam nervously chuckled, “The Chaos Trio strikes again.”

“So what do we do now?” Callum asked as the past few events came to sink into their heads.

“Since the Queen of Dragons won’t want peace then maybe we can convince the humans,” Rhamina suggested with her back to the group, “We can take it up with the other four kingdoms and work to get Viren out of control of Katolis; which, reminds me. Shouldn’t Ezran be ruling right now?”

“That’s right, it’s been weeks he should be king by now and he wouldn’t order an attack like that,” Rayla said in realization.

“Do you think Viren was just kicked out and working from somewhere else?” the prince asked.

“No, that couldn’t have been him on his own,” Rhamina replied without skipping a beat.

“Yeah, it was way too strong for him on his own,” Tijarah added.

“Too strong for a single human,” Rhamina said, “Even with ‘Dark Magic’.”

“Well there’s at least one good thing that comes out of Marianna being awake,” she sighed rubbing her temples.

“What possible good thing could there be about that bitch being awake?” Sam scoffed.

“She was on board with Dark Magic but hates it being used so if Viren uses it all the time she’ll get pissed off and hopefully kill him for us.”

Back in the room of ancient treasures Viren lowered himself to one knee and bowed his head as he said, “Welcome back, Princess Marianna.”

“Who are you?” the ravenette asked as she stood holding her head before her eyes widened, “Where is the Queen?!”

“Your Highness, please calm down and let me explain our situation,” Viren said as he looked up at the armor-clad female.

As he explained what happened in the past thousand years, Viren led the female knight down the halls of the castle earning strange looks from the staff.

“Isn’t that Rhamina?” one whispered.

“Didn’t she go missing?”

“Her hair is so short now!”

“Where did she get the armor?”

“When did she get that serious?”

Once the pair had entered the mage’s study the ruby-eyed teen asked, “You say there were two princes in this kingdom? Where are they?”

“I’m afraid to say that they are deceased.”

“I’m not fond of liars, Mage,” she growled narrowing her eyes at the male, “Just now some of the maids were talking of how Prince Ezran was being locked up in his room and considering the fact his father is dead, he is next in line for the empty throne.”

“W-well, as he is now he is not fit to rule,” Viren tried to explain, “He is too young and I am acting as his regent.”

“Take me to him.”

“W-what?”

“A kingdom without a ruler is just asking to be overthrown,” the ravenette said standing up, “Let me meet the boy and I shall decide if he is fit to rule or not.”

“B-but-” “I may not have been the one to take the throne but I am still the oldest member of the royal family,” Marianna said sternly, “If anyone should judge what it takes to rule it would be Kitsami but she isn’t here at the moment so I will have to do.”

“With all due respect, Your Highness, Kitsami abandoned the humans.”

“She did not abandon us!” snapped the teen,eyes glowing red as a surge of energy blasted through the room causing the ground to shake slightly, “Those elves and dragons took her from us! All she wanted was to be cared for and no one gave it to her. Even I didn’t realize it until it was too late… But I will be getting her back. She is the one who woke me up after all so I know she’s alive.”

“Now,” the knight said calming down as every object that was floating dropped to the ground, “Take me to the Prince.”

“I-I… Of course,” Viren said gaining his composure in front of the powerful being, “This way, Your Highness.”

Ezran looked up from his bed as three knocks came from the door.

“Prince Ezran, there is someone who is here to see you,” the voice of Viren said from behind the door before it creaked open.

“Rhamina?” he asked seeing the teen’s face only to be confused at her attire, hair length, and eye color.

“Why is everyone asking if I’m ‘Rhamina’?” the ravenette asked turning to the mage before sighing, “Nevermind, answer that later.”

“Hello, Prince Ezran, I am Princess Marianna Verum Salvator Ibadora, and I would like to speak with you for a bit.”

“If the human side is willing to have peace then maybe Xadia will as well,” Rhamina said, “After all morals and crap. If they’re willing to stay true to their honor then they won’t attack a side that shows no aggression.”

“That is true,” Runaan said, “But how are you going to get the humans to agree?”

“I don’t have to get everyone, just the rulers at least. If anyone gets in the way I can take care of them individually.”

With that statement everyone looked at the ravenette with sceptical looks.

“What? I’m not going to kill them!” she whined, “Shock them maybe but that’s as far as it will go. The only problem we’ll have is getting Katolis on board especially if Marianna is there. She has a way with words to get people to follow her.”

“Mina, you would say similar shit in order to convince people of things,” Kerstin said, “And most of the time it wasn’t true.”

“Yeah,” Rhamina shrugged, “We both had the impeccable gift of bullshitery; which, brings up another problem. We had almost the exact same strengths and thought processes so the moment she suspects I’m up to something she’ll probably be able to come up with a counter.”

“Yeah but, Mina, you have a lot of things over her,” Sam said as the trio of thousand-year-old females smirked.

“Exactly, you’ve been here constantly learning new things and strategies while she’s been stuck in ice for the past thousand years,” Kerstin added.

“Mainly the fact I’ve got physically got nothing to lose so I have no problem just rushing in and decking someone in the face,” Rhamina chirped causing the everyone to erupt into laughter, “No, I will but I’ll be careful. I swear.”

“So which kingdom would we try to convince first?” Chloe asked from her spot.

“I would say Duren,” Rhamina said, “Queen Amaya is much more reasonable than most of the adult rulers and the others won’t take much convincing unless Viren tries to bash her reputation and risk war amongst human kingdoms.”

“Wait, Rhamina- no, Kitsami, I guess,” Callum said a little confused as to what he should call his elder.

“Either one is fine,” she chirped as her tails wagged slightly, “But yes?”

“Did you ever step down from the throne?”

“I mean I flew off on a dragon while flinging the crown into a crowd.”

“Did you formally give it up though?” he asked with widened eyes.

“No, I didn’t, why?”

“If you took back the throne in Katolis then could you convince the other kings and queens?”

“What?!” exclaimed the ravenette in surprise, “Callum, what are you saying?!”

“Mina, he’s right you know?” Tijarah commented, “You still have power over the humans by technicality.”

“Ibadora doesn’t exist anymore,” she huffed as her ears twitched in irritation, “And, Callum, what about Ezran? Don’t you want him to be king?”

“I don’t want to take anything away from him but he’s too young,” Callum spoke sadly, “He deserves to live a bit.”

“You’re right about that,” Rhamina sighed as she looked up to the afternoon sky, “Being the ruler of a kingdom is taxing on the mind and body.”

“All the paperwork, making sure the kingdom is safe before yourself, assassination attempts, people constantly trying to manipulate or kiss up to you for power, holding comments to keep your reputation, never knowing if people are your real friends or using to to get power, keeping secrets, and a whole shit tone more,” the ravenette continued, “It sucks ass.”

“Well, at least you never got the brunt of it,” Kerstin shrugged only for the ravenette to shake her head.

“I actually think it’s worse as a child who is next in line,” Rhamina spoke, eyes narrowing as she remembered her own childhood, “When you’re young you’re naive and people try to take advantage of that. They try to teach you that their own way is right and influence you so that when you’re older you do anything they want. Those born into ruling families are pawns right from the start. We’re only tools for political power to anyone who gets to us first.”

“Is it really like that?” Rayla asked turning to Callum who was looking down the entire time as the ravenette was talking.

“Now that I think about it, yeah, it was,” he sighed, “I remember a lot of the time when Mom or Dad was away important people were always trying to talk to me and Ezran to convince us about their ideas.”

“Your father was a good father and king,” Rhamina smiled, “very rare to find now a days, he realized them trying to manipulate you both and did his best to keep them separate from you. You should have seen the frustration on their faces.”

“Based on the way you act, I’m guessing you helped with that?” Runaan asked with a smirk as the female’s ears perked up and she began to stutter.

“Nope! I did- nope- not really- well, only a little!”

“Mina! some of those politicians almost shit themselves. Hoot!” Chloe chirped with a bright smile.

“Why do you think Dad always kept you near the boys when people like that were over?” Tijarah chuckled, “You always glared them down anytime they got remotely close.”

“You were just like a mother fox protecting her kits!” Kerstin laughed as the ravenette’s face began to turn red and her tails stiffened in embarrassment.

“Well what else was I supposed to do?!” she exclaimed using her tails to cover her body like a shell, “Let them corrupt the precious children?!”

“Awe, Mina, you floof!” gushed Sam as she reached out to glomp the female.

“No, I’m not fuck off!”

Soon Chloe and Kerstin added onto the pile with the ravenette reaching out for help from the rest of the group only to be met with laughter.

“Why?! I trusted- Ahh!”

Everyone stopped to look down in surprise at the ravenette who let out the high pitched yelp.

Rhamina immediately stopped her movement and covered her mouth as she turned to glare at the females on top of her.

“Who the fuck grabbed one of my tails?!” she asked as her face became even more red.

“Mina!~” sang Kerstin and Sam with smirks on their faces as the ravenette struggled to get out from under them.

Poof!

As the smoke dissipated a little black fox with nine tails and a bat clinging to her back stood growling and baring her teeth at the females as the dragon and elf approached her.

Backing up the fox ran to Runaan before skillfully climbing up to his shoulders using her tails to keep her there as she hissed and batted at her partners.

“Awe, that’s cute!” Rayla cooed only earning a glare from the black fox.

“I’m not cute!” she barked, “I’m an all powerful fox! I will eat you!”

This only earned more laughter from the group and irritation from the fox.

“Now, let’s calm down shall we?” Runaan asked reaching up to scratch under the fox’s chin causing her to release her hold on him and flop down to his lap.

She then began nuzzling into him before looking up and asking, “More pets?”

“Mina!” Chloe exclaimed not happy at the female’s contact with a male despite him helping them quite a bit.

Runaan brought his hand to keep petting the fox who let out happy trills at the attention.

After about ten more minutes the group made their way to the nearest village to get some rest.

At this point Rhamina was now in her humanoid form as the group walked into a barn a couple let them stay in.

“Hey do you guys want to hear a story?” The ravenette asked with a large smile as her tails wagged.

“Yes!” Chloe chirped as the bat squeaked in agreement.

“Yay, this one is about me,” she smirked, “And something I did like a hundred years ago I think?”

“As we were out a-hunting, one morning in the spring. Both hounds and horses, running well, made the hills and the valleys ring,” Rhamina sung as she looked up at the moon from the open door, “But to our great misfortune, no fox there could be found. Our huntsmen cursed and swore but still no fox moved over the ground.”

“Mina, no. No more foxes.”

“And up spoke our master huntsman, the master of the chase. ‘If only the Devil himself come by, we'd run him such a race!’” the ravenette smirked as she continued her theme, “And up there sprung like lightning a fox from out of his hole. His fur was the colour of a starless night, and his eyes like burning coals.”

Her smirk only grew bigger as she could hear fox calls in the distance.

“And they chased him over the valley, and they chased him over the fields; They chased him down to the river bank, but never would he yield,” Rhamina sung over the desperate cries of Sam and Kerstin, “And he's jumped into the water, and he's swum to the other side. And he's laughed so loud that the green woods shook. Then he's turned to the huntsmen and he's cried:”

“‘Ride on, my gallant huntsmen! When must I come again? For you should never want for a fox to chase all over the glen. And when your need is greatest, just call upon my name And I will come, and you shall have the best of sport and game!’”

Soon the group could see the glowing eyes of tens of foxes as the ravenette continued her call.

“And the men looked up in wonder and the hounds run back to hide. For the fox, it changed to the Devil himself where he stood on the other side,” she sang with a large smile and all nine tails wagging at the sight of her brethren, “And the men, the hounds, the horses went flying back to town. And hard on their heels come a little black fox, laughing as he ran.”

“‘Ride on, my gallant huntsmen! When must I come again? For you should never want for a fox to chase all over the glen. And when your need is greatest, just call upon my name. And I will come, and you shall have the best of sport and game! Ride on, my gallant huntsmen! When must I come again? For you should never want for a fox to chase all over the glen.’”

As soon as the female stopped singing the foxes were running around and playing in the empty barn.  

“Mina!” cried all the girls as the foxes ran on and over them while Rhamina was on her knees reaching out to play with them.

Soon enough all the foxes began to trill and sing to which Rhamina did the same.

A large smile was on her face and all of her tails were wagging happily while the bat fluttered around the barn playing as well.

“Come on aren’t they all adorable?” the ravenette gushed holding one up who was visibly smiling.

Rayla laughed as she played around with the canines as well.

“They are quite cute,” she chuckled as one jumped up onto her shoulders.

After about half an hour the foxes left and went back out the barn while the group began to set up their beds.

“So how exactly are we going to make it past the border?” Kerstin asked as they grouped up, “Mom, is back at the border now and things are getting quite literally heated with her and the Sunfire elves.”

“Well if this is going to be fair then we might as well make a big entrance right?” Sam asked, “We are the Chaos Trio after all.”

“Chaos Trio plus five,” Kerstin corrected.

As the others were talking Rhamina curled her ninetails around her to act as a blanket for the night.

‘The Chaos Trio has been revived and so have you, so you will decide how our war will end… With peace? Or will you deny the truth again?’

~~~Fin. Chapter 8~~~

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Picture: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/558939003739231659/

Songs Used: “Hurt Incantation” - Tangled the Series (My Cover); “Black Fox” - Heather Dale

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[jojuarez26]

We found love in a hopeless place part 24

Divergent fanfiction: Eric/OC. Mature content and strong language. I do not own any part of Divergent.

@pathybo @tigpooh67 @lunaschild2016 @emmysrandomthoughts @elaacreditava @beautifulramblingbrains @clublulu333 @jaihardy @iammarylastar @kenzieam @kiiiimberlyriiiicker1995 @badassbaker @badassdauntlessgirl @scorpio2009 @mom2reesie @readsalot73 @frecklefaceb @dauntlessqueen99 @captstefanbrandt @desicoulter @sporadichologramblizzard-ed17414 @dani5102

A sob escaped me as I hugged my son tightly. Sam wrapped her arms around my waist, my mother put her hand on my knee and Four a hand on my shoulder. But what calmed me down? Adam kissing my cheek than patting my face.

I drew a deep breath to gather myself. I kissed Sam's forehead then Adam's. I smiled at my mother and squeezed her hand.

You can do this, my mother had mouthed to me. We knew loss. We knew the pain. She squeezed my hand again reassuring me.

I sat Adam so I could look in his eyes. I wanted to make sure he understood, also, my father always taught me to look someone in the eyes when you tell them something important.

"You know mommy and daddy have been working, on a really dangerous job," I started.

"Yes daddy."

"Well buddy mommy was protecting daddy and she, she got hurt. Really bad." I gulped.

"Hwer is urt?" He asked softly.

"You know she loved you very, very much right. And no matter what she will always be right here," I placed my hand over his heart.

"Wight hwere," he put his hand over mine.

"Mommy isn't coming back buddy. When she got hurt, she died. Do you know what that means?" My voice broke.

He shook his head yes. "Mommy went to sweep liked Oscar and hers neber wakin upt no more." Tears pooled in my boys beautiful eyes.

"Who's Oscar?" I asked.

"Him twas me phish. Him went to sweep and neber waked up. Yoo did didn't fush mommy down ta toyyet!?" Adam asked suddenly horrified.

"NO, no buddy. But, mommy did go to sleep and she isn't going to wake up. I'm so sorry buddy. She loved you sooo much. But you still have me and Sam and grandma. We even have Four," I smiled weakly.

"We all love you. It's ok to cry and be sad or mad," I felt lost. So lost.

Tears did slowly start to fall down his face. Once again he put his hands on my cheeks and his forehead on mine. We just stayed like that for awhile.

After a few hours mother went to her suite and Four left. I laid down with Adam until he fell asleep. Sam stayed close but stayed back unless I pulled her or called her to me.

Something besides the current situation was on her mind. However it would have to wait for a little bit, but she seemed to already know that. After I was sure Adam was asleep I stepped on the balcony for a smoke.

I had quit a few times but when shit got stressful I always seemed to start again. Sam came out behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist. God how I had missed her. I put one of my hands over hers.

"I drew you a hot bath. Put a small bottle of whiskey and a shot glass in there," she said while tightening her grip.

"The bath sounds lovely. However I don't want the whiskey. I just want you," I replied softly.

"Whatever you want or need," she pressed a kiss to my shoulder.

"How have you been holding up since I've been gone? You know I had Quentin and Jordan excuted?" I worried about her here alone for so long.

"Ok. Four has been a big help with Adam. Dr.Marx comes by daily. He had to make one late night call after the execution, but he was gracious about it," She seemed to tense slightly at the end .

"I'm sorry sweetheart. Sorry I left you alone in all this." So much for her to handle alone. It was what killed me the most besides missing her and Adam in general.

"Eric look at me," she pulled me to turn towards her. "For the first time in my life since my sister died, I don't feel alone. I have you and Adam. Four has started to grow on me," she laughed.

"I feel like I belong. Safe at home. You finally served me justice when you had those vile bastards excuted. I love you Eric. You literally, saved me. That will ALWAYS be enough," her hand cupped my cheek and her eyes where filled with love and adoration.

I bent down and placed a slow, soft kiss on her lips and held her close. I've never felt what I do for Sam. Adam being my son, I understand those new feelings. Everything for Sam, I still don't know how or why it all happened, but I'm so glad it has.

"Come. Sit in the tub and relax your body." She started to pull me toward the bathroom.

"Get in with me?" I hoped it wouldn't be to much for her. I wanted and needed her so much right now.

She lowered her eyes and bit her lip. I could tell she was debating with herself. Admittedly I was disappointed, but ok that she may not be ok with it. I knew intimacy might be an issue when I chose to be with her.

"Sam. Sweetheart it's fine. Just come and sit in there with me?" She looked up in my eyes and I seen tears pool and guilt settle in.

"Hey. None of that. It's ok. I just want you close and just sitting in the bathroom with me is fine," I held her head in place so she could see my eyes. I never want her to doubt herself when it comes to us.

"Ok," she tugged at my hand to pull me along to the bathroom.

Soaking in hot bath was amazing. Having Sam sitting next to the tub washing my neck and back and just holding my hand was also nice and helped me relax. So much had happened that was such an ugly part of life in the last three days. Having her here next to me was a thing of beauty. A light in all the darkness.

As the water eventually cooled I got out and slipped on just a pair of boxers. Sam had turned the bed down. Realizing all the pent up nervous energy I had, I decided a shot or two of whiskey wasn't such a bad idea.

"Love? Can I get you anything? Do you need anything before I get in bed?" Sam asked from the door of our room.

"No. Just you beside me," I half heartedly smiled and patted her side of the bed.

After she laid down I turned the beside light off and pulled her close to me. I stroked her hair while her fingers drew patterns on my chest. It was comforting to have her next to me finally.

"I'm so sorry about Dara. I don't know what happened. You don't have to talk about it. After spending time with her I realize she was an amazing person, just really misunderstood." Sam spoke soft and carefully. She placed a kiss on my chest.

"She didn't have it easy growing up. Then when we got here and I got leader in training, I put her on the back burner. I don't blame her for Kyle anymore. It was partially my fault too." I took a deep breath to continue. It felt good letting it out.

"I wish she would've told me about Adam. I get it though. I'm actually grateful for Jeanine when it comes to Adam. Dara wanted an abortion. Jeanine denied her, promised to help with him. Which she did." Then the guilt of the last three and a half years hit me hard.

"I just wish she could have found someone to love her as much as she could love them," I trailed off quietly.

"Eric she did. She just wasn't open about it," Sam said quietly, almost nervously.

"What? Who? How would you-"

"She spent three days with Adam and I remember? We talked, girl talk." She was adamant, but sounded guilty.

"Is it betraying her to tell you her secret if she's gone?"Sam was conflicted.

"I don't think she would mind at this point. I would just be happy to know someone gave her the love she deserved. Unlike that piece of shit Kyle,"I growled his name out. Still had to deal with that fucker eventually.

"Did you know her friend Tana?" Sam asked.

"Yeah. Nice girl. They've been friends since we were kids," now I was slightly confused. Tana is still in Erudite.

"After she had Adam, Jeanine had her at Erudite whenever she wasn't working. Tana supported her, spent lot's of time with her," Sam paused. After a moment she finally continued.

"Last year they decided to be more than friends. She was afraid to tell you or Jeanine because she didn't know if either of you would approve. She didn't want it to affect her rights to Adam if you didn't approve."

Suddenly so many things made sense. I also instantly felt like an asshole and a fool. I just wanted her to be happy.

"I would have been ok with it. I just wanted to see her happy and treated right. Well and of course loved and respected Adam. Love is love, sometimes we can't help who it is we fall in love with," I smiled down at her.

She smiled back before a worried look took over her. What the hell brought that on?

"Sam what's wrong?" I asked carefully.

She hesitated a minute before deciding to answer.

"You're not mad at me? For keeping a secret from you?" Her voice was nervous and almost child like.

"No, not this secret. It wasn't yours to tell. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me now. It's a small but important burden lifted off my shoulders." I kissed her forehead and then the tip of her nose.

Although I didn't want any secrets between us, I wanted her to know this was different. It was something Dara told her as a friend and it wasn't something that would harm Adam. I'm pretty sure Dara all but spelled it out for me last week, I was just too damn stupid to catch on.

I made a mental note to email Tana with an invite to the private wake. I also figured she could go threw Dar's things with me. She would know better than I as to what Dara would want at this point in life.

I felt myself dozing off as Sam ran her fingers lightly down my chest. I stopped fighting it, anything else could wait until tomorrow.

I sat up in bed screaming out her name. I had been trying in vein to save her. It was like I stood back watching it all play out in slow motion whilst being able to do nothing.

I jumped at the hand that touched my back. This caused Sam to cower back. Shit. One step forward two steps back it always seemed.

"Sweetheart no, come here. I'm sorry. Just not use to someone being here when I wake up," I pulled her into my arms once she slowly scooted back towards me.

"Nightmare? About not being able to save her?" Sam asked quietly.

At first I didn't reply. Then I knew if anyone could understand or appreciate nightmares, it would be Sam. One of her fears and nightmares was not being able to save Gina.

"Yeah. I've had it everytime I fall asleep since she died. Only sometimes instead of seeing Dara, I see you or Adam." It was fucking with me something fierce.

"I'm sure you did everything you could." Sam tried to make me feel better. Unfortunately it had the opposite affect.

"No damn it! I didn't! If I would have just listened to her she would still be here!" I'd been holding that in since it happened.

I hadn't meant to yell, let alone make it seem like I was yelling at Sam. She pushed me away and all but ran too the bathroom locking herself in. Son of bitch. This was exactly what I DIDN'T want to happen when I came home.

I know how fragile and broken Sam can feel or be at times. Unfortunately right now, I'm pretty fucking broken too.

After taking a few minutes to get my shit together, I finally walked over and tapped on the bathroom door. I was met with silence. So, I tapped again.

"Sam. I'm so sorry. Will you please come out?" I pleaded.

Still silence. So I sat down in front of the door and just started to talk. I didn't know what else to do that wouldn't potentially scare her.

"Remember when I told you I'm not a nice guy? I'm still not. It's just usually I'm nicer too you. I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm pissed off at myself. I've been holding that in since the day it happened. I never meant to take it out on you. Not you, ever," my voiced cracked and faded out.

"You and Adam are so important to me. Your both my world. I hate when either of you are hurt or sad. Even worse I hate myself when I'm the cause of your pain or fear." I felt a tear slide down my cheek.

The lock popped but the door didn't open. I gave it a minute or two. The last thing I wanted was to scare her again. Finally I called to her threw the door.

"Can I come in? Or will you at least come out sweetheart. Please," I asked just above a whisper.

The door opened but she didn't come out. When I finally poked my head in I felt my heart drop. I felt like a monster. She sat in the bath tub hugging her knees to her chest. Tears stained her face. I took a few steps before dropping to my knees next to the tub.

"I'm so sorry. I never, ever wanted to be the reason you feel this way. Ever." My broken heart was breaking even more.

"It's not your fault. I know you're broken too. I see it, I feel it. It's just, you've never really yelled at me before," her voiced was quivering.

"Sam I di-"

"I know, I know. You weren't exactly yelling at ME. It's just in my condition I seem extra sensitive." She instantly slapped a hand over her mouth after she spoke.

"What condition is that Sam," I asked nervously.

She began to sob hysterically. Whatever the problem was must be what's been bothering her since I got back. I crawled in the tub with her and wrapped my arms around her. I rocked back and fourth sushing her softly. Finally after about ten minutes she started to calm down.

"Sweetheart what's wrong with you? Please tell me. I promise whatever it is we'll work threw it," I whispered in her ear.

"I wanted to wait to tell you. You're already so stressed out," she sniffled.

"Please tell me. Knowing something is wrong, but not knowing what will just make it worse. I can handle whatever is," liar I thought to myself. If she's sick I will loose it, but I have to know.

After several more sniffles she finally looked at me. She was terrified and it both hurt me and pissed me off.

"Was it true? That you never wanted children?" She asked so softly I almost didn't hear her.

Why the fuck would she ask me that?

"Why? Adam is already here. So why would it matter anymore?" Who has she been talking to and the actual fuck did they say?

"Just answer my question Eric, then I'll answer yours. I promise," I could tell that for whatever reason the answer was important.

"When I first became a leader, I really didn't give a fuck about anything except my job. So at one point, yes that was true. However, that was before Adam and that was before you."