#fucking CACKLED at that

[shotmrmiller]

the trope of you accidentally catching a peek of someone having sex with another and instead of fucking off you stick around and hope they don't find out except they already know but:

you're roommates with active military soap and it works because he's hardly there, he's real easy to be friends with and when his hands wander it's not totally repulsive because he's hot.

and then he brings his boyfriend over and you'd only meant to get some ice cream from the freezer but they left the door cracked open. you, as the good friend he doesn't fucking deserve, close the door while keeping your eyes glued to the ceiling and go about your day.

(you're so teasing him about the fact that he sounds like a bleating sheep while getting rawdogged lmaoooo)

but the one that catches you in the kitchen minding your own business isn't soap. it's his boyfriend. and his boyfriend is as forward as a freight train on a downhill slope.

"saw ya lookin' at us."

? you did no such thing.

"if ya were lookin' for a fuck, coulda just said so."

you were doing no such thing but it doesn't matter because you're but a simple hot blooded individual and having two doting meat heads fighting over who gets to taste you first is something out of a romance book.

[graye]

Rumors say this is what tipped Anakin to the Dark side.

[cringevalue]

eddie asks if steve would still love him if he was a worm, to which steve obviously says yes, because steve would still love eddie if eddie were a sweet gum ball stuck in steve’s big toe.

anyway, steve wakes up the next morning to a worm wiggling across his chest. at first, he almost screams, but then he remembers eddie’s question from yesterday.

oh shit...

did eddie turn into a fucking worm??

after a few seconds of contemplating, steve carefully picks the worm up. “eddie? is that you?”

unfortunately for steve’s ego, the real eddie can’t control the volume of his laughter from outside the bedroom door, and steve’s face is redder than red when eddie stumbles into the room.

now steve wants to know why the fuck eddie put a worm on his chest.

[poorlydrawnhermitcraft]

HEARTBREAKING: mans first stand up show becomes his LAST.

[la-esmerqlda]

I would like to thank Elon Musk for breaking the stereotype that “high functioning” autistic people are geniuses, because he’s genuinely so fucking dumb I can hardly even fathom it.

[elvenmoans]

Reblog if ur a godless degenerate

[andi-o-geyser]

local gang of dnd players intimidate and viciously bully game show host sam reich, threatening to push his ass down the stairs like he's a 90-year-old grandma in a retirement home. more at 8

[basslinegrave]

random monarch trio stuff (and 24 is also there yeah)

[jellyjamheadobb]

YALL

I JUST HAPPENED TO LOOK UP AT THE NEWS ON TV

[slythereen]

red bull had the opportunity to do one of the funniest possible things and they did i love this team

[absurdfish77]

[causalityparadoxes]

POV you are in Venice, 2063, and watch the Fourteenth Doctor get sucked into a whirlpool and fuckin die:

[trifoliate-undergrowth]

Pin-Lee suggesting that Murderbot start reacting to its injuries more to let humans know it’s been injured after realizing that it’s been casually walking around after a fight leaving a trail of Fluids. It’s like “I could.. probably write some code for that I guess.” and Dr. Mensah is like “don’t worry about it if it would be distracting to you. Just.... tell us afterwards. We want to know how you’re doing” and it’s like “i can give status reports yes.”

Pin-Lee is like “I still like the idea of you giving an indication you’ve been hit. For example.” she points finger guns. “Bang oh no I have definitely hit you with a projectile. Indicate that somehow.”

Murderbot, with extremely flat inflection which would not immediately seem like a distress call to nearby humans: “Ouch. I Have Been Injured.”

Pin-Lee is like “hm no there’s gotta be some sort of. I don’t know, you don’t have to verbalize if you don’t want to, maybe there’s like an alarm noise you could make? or an “AAA!” sound? Okay let’s try again BANG”

There is a brief delay (less then a second) and then Murderbot responds with damage vocalization option 2.

“File:Wilhelm_Scream.ogg” blasts through the station.

[greghatecrimes]

this is how it went in canon, right?

[japanifornication]

the evolution of the ace attorney weirdgirl based off this post

[mazeyphaedra]

love seeing brennan get rocked so hard in the dome that he has to physically sit back down