#fuckkkk dude thats so good

[fizzseed]

HERE I WAS. FOOLISHLY LULLED INTO A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY BY TALK OF CUTE COWS AND A BURNING FIREPLACE

[intertexts]

AHAHAHAHAHA WHAT???

[achromaticegoist]

THE BOOK OF BILL TINY RANT (SPOILERS)

STOP. I CAN'T DO THIS TUMBLR. okay okay, I GOT IT DELIVERED LIKE 3 HOURS AGO AND I COMPLETELY FINISHED IT 😭😭😭🙏

I ACTUALLY CAN'T DO THIS ANYYYMOREEE. I SWEAR TO GOD I WAS GIGGLING, KICKING, SCREAMING MY HEAD OFF THE ENTIRE TIME READING THIS STUPID THING.

Did ALEX LIKE, *SCROLL* through FANDOM while making this entire thing BECAUSE WHY DID SO MANY PEOPLE LOWKEY EAT WITH THEIR OLD HEADCANONS? SUPPOSED TO BE THE DEATH OF ALL OUR HEADCANONS RIGHT??? EVERYONE PREDICTED AT LEADT SOMETHING LMFAOOOOO.

AND IF ANY OF YALL FOLLOW GRAVITY FALLS : AMBER SKIES BY JOZLYN MOON, THE POST WEIRDMAGGEDON SCAR THING BEING A PREDICTION IS FUCKING *CRAAAZY*

AND THE FACT THAT THEY KEPT COMPATING HIM TO THE DEVIL AND SHIT, LUCIFER REFERENCES AND "FALLEN ANGLE?" MY GUYYYYY the actual BALLS it takes to write this because I GASPED SO LOUDLY AT SO MUCH SHIT.

AND I WAS SUPER DAMN EXCITED ABOUT THE HENCHMANIACS ONE

GUYS THEYRE SO FUCKING STUPID 😭😭😭😭😭😭🙏 WHY ARE THEY ALL SO STUPID 😭😭😭😭 IM DYING OF LAUGHTER

SO MANY PEOPLE LOWKEY GOT SOME KIND OF BEEF WITH PYRONICA?? WHY ARE THEY SO INVOLVED WITH HER??? THEY HAVE A GROUPCHAT OH MY GOD THEYRE SO BESTIE CODED

Again I'm STILL FREAKING OUT ABOUT JHESELBRAUM THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I WILL SURVIVE ON THESE CRUMBS SO DAMN MUCH

TIME BABY IS A FUCKING COCOMELON ENJOYER 😭 HELPPPPPPPPP

GGGGGUYYYYS? WHAT? OH MY GOD?? WHAT THE FUCK?? IM SCREAMIGN. NO NONONO YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME THE ANGST.

AND NO. THE WAY BILL AND FORD HERE WERE FUCKKKK THATS SOME GOOD FUCKING TOXIC BILLFORD. DUDE NAH IM LIKE GASPING FOR AIR RIGHT NOW BECAUSE HOLY SHIT SOME OF THE STUFF HERE IS SICK BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT LIKE

AND THE

IM FREAKING

AAAA

FORD DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER THOSE PAGES MADE ME TEAR UP A LITTLE 😭😭😭🙏 NOOOOO

AND THOSE *SCRAPS* OF BILL'S BACKSTORY. GUYS CHAT NO I AM SCREAMING. SILLY STRAW CHILDHOOD TRAUMA LOWKEY WENT HARD AND HIS FAMILY AND THE *FUCKING SPECK OF HIS HOME DIMENSION*.

THAT ONE LITTLE TV SCREEN WITH THE EDWIN A ABBOT FLATLAND DIAGRAM IN THE BOOK THOUGH NAH CUZ FANDOM ATE WITH THAT ONE.

AA. AAAAAAAA. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AND WHAT THE FUCK 😭🙏🙏 DIPPERS HISTORY WAS SO FUNNY I COULDNT STOP LAUGHING BRO ALSO WENT THROUGH THE GREEN MNM STAGE

AND IM NOT EVEN GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE COLLEEN BALLINGER***** APOLOGY REFERENCE THAT SHIT WAS SO DAMN FUNNY.

ALSO THE ENDING??? WHAT THE--THERAPY? NO BRCUASE THIS IS ACTUALLY SOME MESSED UP THERAPY SHIT. That is NOT how you try and heal someone holy fucking hell. Guy is getting more and more broken

CHAT I AM SOBBING AND SHAKING AND CRYING AND READY TO IMMERSE MYSELF FULLY IN THE GRAVITY FALLS FANDOM RN, STILL VERY MUCH ACTIVE IN HAZBIN HOTEL BUT GOD MOTHERFUCKIN DAMMMMMMMMNNNN THIS IS SOMETHING TO UNPACK.

[spearxwind]

Heya! I've gotta say thank you for all the art and comics over the years cause you were a big design influence on me finally making my sona! (big ol anthro albino mafia gator who lives in the sticks and can turn into a giant swamp monster to protect their gangs territory) you always had very cool designs and I loved sending you some anon messages here and then about ur ocs. Agravan doesnt have too much serious art yet but when he does id love to show it to you!! (I love fat ocs and gators tend to have good throat pouches so id love to see ur take being you always have good throat pouches on ur dragons and sea monsters)

OUGH I FORGOR TO ANSWER THIS BUT I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABT IT SO MUCH TY FOR NOTICING FR!!!

Thats literally awesome too ur sona sounds cool as fuckkkk dude hell yeah

and fr we need more dragons with throat pouches i see so many designs esp. in popular media where theyre shrinkwrapped or not nearly muscular enough and ofc it depends case by case and doesnt apply to designs that have to be super lithe but if you are representing a creature as a symbol of power then you NEED it to not look frail as hell

[alfiely-art]

Act 5 act 1 is done ! Thank goodness. This took me a couple days so some notes may be outdated (ie: karkat birthday)

Also I finished this last night but. Yk.

Act 1 reaction here

Act 2 reaction here

Act 3 reaction here

Intermission reaction here

Act four reaction here

Notes:

NOOOOO JADE'S DREAM SELF IS DEAD FUCKKKK 

Did Jake write this

Hrrrrngggg this is so. Jade just wanted to hang out with him :( 

Man give the kid some time to cry his friend's dream self is dead!!!

I. Okay. Grieve how you need to grandpa. That makes me so uncomfortable but it's okay 

Oh Morse code. I'm not whipping out the decoder sorry I'm distraught over Jade. I'll download the Pic and translate later 

Hussie idgaf about your recap. What the fuck is happening I thought this was act 5 a few pages ago. Are we NOW At act 5???

Is this trollian

Yaaaaay alternia I've heard of this one. Looks kinda dead though

Yaaaay Karkat birthday. Apparently his bday was yesterday irl!!!!

Emooooo lmaooooo

Troll Sander. Oh Karkat. You and John can and should be besties forever. Kiss now /j

BAHAHAA IVE SEEN THIS PANEL BEFORE. I REFERENCED IT WHEN I DROPPED MY MATH BOOK AND IT MADE A DENT IN THE FLOOR. “I'm karkat-ing it up” I SAID. NO ONE UNDERSTOOD ME

“You were meant to be a bigshot” HAHA SPAMPTOB!!!! Nows ur chance to be a big shot, be a big, be a big, be a big shot 

Omg is this gamzee. Or some other purple guy 

Faygo mention!

AHA YES it's gamzee!!! I know because :o)

Oh gamzee <3 Silly guy. Sure hope he doesn't do anything horrible and violent later (i know a bit of what he does. lord english <333)

The juggalos….

NEPETA AND EQUIUS USERNAMES SPOTTED!!! oh yeah karkats doing stuff. That is what I am supposed to be focusing on

Karkat you're such a drama queen oh my godddd

Terezi you're so cute 

Wait I wanna know the password thing…

CAN WE PLEASE GET TEREZI INTO ACE ATTORNEY. THIS IS SO CUTE I LOVE HER 

That's less cute actually why are you hanging your stuffies. Oh well. Girls can have hobbies I don't mind

YAY NEPETA YAY NEPETA YAY NEPETA

Adorabloodthirsty!!!

Oooo this is Aradia right

That's Eridan methinks

No strife….

This is kinda moving fast ? I mean I don't mind but also I liked the slowness of the previous acts. Oh well. Maybe it's cuz we gotta introduce more characters rn

Sollux!!! I have been told he is not an Eridan lover. Oopsie. The fandom lied to me

HI NEPETA

Aradia what are you doing 

Hey. Is this code how Lord English us born. Isn't it

Oh hi girl! I don't know your name but I've seen you!!! 

Hi tavros! I didn't know you were in a wheelchair. Why do I never see art of you in a wheelchair. All your art is of you smooching gamzee.

HAH REFERENCE… alien reference…

Equius is just Standing There.

ALSO I DONT THINK THATS THE PROPER PROCEDURE TO GIVE SOMEONE PROSTHETIC LEGS

Is that Vriska

Aww… shitty rap offs <333

Ohh yess your name is Aradia!

BAHAH OUIJA BOARD 

Vriska it's you ! I will finally know who you are other than Nagito's daughter. Yippee hurray

Woah baby boy calm down what's in that honey that's making you blast lasers out of your eyeballs

HI SILLY CAT GIRL

OH MY GODDD. The cave in… : (

Autistic girls in caves ftw!!!!

Meowrails… nepeta bite him now 

Team scourge?!?!?! Like warrior cats?@?!?@?@ i never read warrior cats I just know scourge 

Slur count: 13

Vriska what the fuck are you doing

OH MY GOD VRISKA WHY DID YOU DO THAT

Karkat bite her. Vriska that is unhealthy for you to do you cannot control others 

HI EQUIUS what uh. What's that stuff in your horse paintings. Equius. Boy. Theyre public everyone can see them

Oh the girl!! Fish girl!!!! uhh.. f… Ferrari. No wait Guy Ferrari is in this. F something

Me too Nepeta. Me too. Idk what's happening I'm just here for jokes and references and Hal when he shows up

DUN DUN DUN!!!! 

Ribbit

Be the huge bitch

Bitch autocorrected to bitcoin. Phone you will perish in a day

Oh. You gotta feed your parent other kids… not great 

Slur count: 14

Holy shit dude I can't read this

Anyway EQUIUS TIME!!!

Lusus Milk. Ummm. Did he milk himself 

Equius never play video games you'd get so much gamer rage

Yaaaay Equius and Gamzee are chatting!!!

Gamzee why are you so cute. I know you do silly things later!!!!

Awww is he talking about Aradia. Buddy just forget the troll racism 

HAH. Yeah that's fair Equius I'd slap someone who was trying to read my mind. Although can he just. Do that any time?

Yaaaay Aradia bot!!!

Equius kill yourself now /j you're so fucking weird. Can your lusus curb your weirdness a little 

JELP EQUIUS YOU KILLED HER LUSUS

NOOOO AURTHOUR!!!!!!

Okay I kinda like the drama Terezi and Vriska are having. they're both kinda bitchy and conniving but Terezi seems to have good intentions. And vriska. Uh. Spooder

Aradia nooo don't listen to the voices trust me

Waaaait wait wait. Is this white guy Doc Scratch. I know Hal hasn't even shown up yet but is this Doc Scratch. Is he doing time shenanigans. Please let this be doc scratch I need lord english stuff 

Vriska. Vriska what did you do to sollux. Also aw him and aradia are dating??? Sweet

FUCK YEAH I WAS RIGHT!!!! DOC SCRATCH!!!! I LOVE YOU MR SCRATCH

Mr Vanilla Milkshake

Isn't that Jade's cue ball. I knew it was related to doc scratch

“I will explode in your face’

I fucking love Doc Scratch. Yeah Vriska I don't care that your spider mom died I'm busy being a Homosexual 

BAHAHAH EQUIUS. You're such a fucking nut. I mean a fiddlesticks nut. No that doesn't hit the same way

This a hilarious dynamic actually. I love you Aradia

EQUIUS IS DOING THE MEME POSE

But anyway. Fuck yeah Aradia. Equius you freak. Aradia bite him

This makes me realize a pair of my homestuck ocs are like this but yk. Toxic and codependent. There's like four people who know they exist 

Huh

Nepeta cucked… jk I know moirails and the heart thing are different. Silly though. “This my boyfriend equius. And this is equius's girlfriend aradia. And this is aradia's boyfriend sollux.”

SHIPPING WALL WOOOOO

Yesss karkat. “you will never find love or hate” YOU TELL HER!!!! 

Also ooo jack

Yaaaay red blood. Actually I forget what red blood means its low isn't it 

OHHH wait he's got mutant blood. Dangggg

Jack is metal af. What a way to earn a kids trust

Cahoots!!!!

WOOO DOC SCRATCH!!! GIVE JER NEW PURPOSE YAAAAA

Man I sure wish I could have learned all of this in a natural way instead of jusy being told in a couple panels. Haha. Sure would be a fun experience methinks !!

Yaaaay kanaya

Glub glub glub

Slur count: 15

THATS NOT THE PROPER SURGERY PROCEDURE

Troll blood tastes bad. Got it

Yo wait she's moirails with Vriska??? Girl get outta there. Actually wait I love toxic yuri please continue 

Holy shit I didn't think eridan would be so boring to listen to. Snoreeeeee. Eridan do something funny pls poke poke

Funny that Karkat was wrong about Vriska getting bitches though. Why do you guys want her

Where did that last line come from. Eridan you emo. Real though

ROSE'S GAMEFAQ!!!!!! 

Ong troll rose lalonde… kanaya imagines her as a highblood it seems that's cute 

VRISKA YOU CANT SAY THAT actually you technically Can but VRISKA DONT BULLY TAVROS!!!!! 

Vriska girl please go to therapy. Tavros kill her

Scurry!!!!

Someone needs to have Vriska read the You're Not A Real Gamer post

Stabby hatefriend <33

Alright we are doing Peter pan now

Tavros just kill her already. She's scary 

WOAH VRISKA YOU CANT JUSG KISS HIM!!!! 

TAVROSSSSS NOOO DONT FALL FOR HER!!!!

It's kinda funny she hates his guts and he likes her. Can they please get a room

KANAYA GOT CUCKED :(

Poor Kanaya actually… she has horrible taste in women but I feel bad for her

Rose's mom and John's dad are matesprites… man this incest pile is getting crazyyyyy

Oh they are in love!!!!! Hate love!!!!

I love incest!!! the pail Has come 

The rammies… sorry I can't hear ramifications without thinking of the rammies…

Aradia and Equius's little gif matched the beat of the music I'm listening to

FAYGO also I think I completely forgot that Eridan isn't fuschia. Oopsies. Thought he was 

HI JOHN!!! I wish I was reading about your adventures currently 

Okay what's up with Eridan and the fishy girl. This is the second time we've cut to them during this explanation

Hi Eridan. WHAT DONT KILL THE WHALE

Okay hi fish

Ohhh Feferi… that's your name… okay

I don't think that was adorable but okay

Poor orphaned troll : (

Genocide complex… okay sure buddy why don't you get back to larping Harry potter. I'm canceling you babygirl

Aw :> I kinda like Feferi it's sweet she wants to change things for the better

COWBOY X WIZARD FUCK YEAH

Feferi really does have a lameass bi boyfriend

I'm just gonna call them all boyfriend and girlfriend btw. The quadrants don't sound yummy to me. Except pitch. I like that word. Sounds like bitch 

Do u not fw faygo

Just like Dave's fridge…

Can we peleeeease get back to good stuff I'm so sorry I.dont care about these guys. Maybe I will later but I wanna know what's going on with John and the other kids. Maybe focus on Karkat. Maybe on WV and the gang. I don't. Want to see them have a will-they-wont-they… 

Okay real talk. This act has been. Kinda a drag despite them going SO fast with plotpoints. People say that acts 1-3 were slow but I was so entertained by them!!! Is this a lame take. If they just slowed the fuck down I would like this a lot more. Hussie let me enjoy your fucking comic I don't want to speed through it 

Anyway. That aside.

she's in a fish bowl that's not good for her :(

HELP WAIT I TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID ABOUT NOT CARING ABOUT FEFERI AND ERIDAN. OH MY GOODNESS. SHES BREAKING UP WITH HIM KINDA THATS SO

FEFERI KEEPS DOING FISH PUNS WHILE BREAKING UP WITH ERIDAN OH MY

I love Feferi I think. My opinion has changed. Get Fucked Eridan

WHAT HAPPENED TO SOLLUX also why are Gamzee and Jack just. Standing There. Menacingly

SOLLUX NO EHAT COME BACK

I LIKED SOLLUX NOOOOOOOOO GAMZEE STOP HONKING

Feferi kissing Sollux's corpse would be so fucking weird if I didn't know what happens when you do that in homestuck

Sollux back <33 

Oh I forgot uh. That guy is watching. Legit can't remember his name ! Guy without an arm is watching !

THE NEVER ENDING STORY REFERENCE 

Oh hi audience insert !

Hussie. I don't care actually

I think you should be going SLOWER 

DONT THROW CAL also. I don't care!!!! 

:/ :/ :/ this makes me want to *remembers I'm not supposed to make jokes about killing myself*... cull myself 

Thank God we're back

Oh cool! Sollux gets two dream selves!!!

DEUCE?!?!?!?!?!

Terezi is so cute btw. I adore her

FUCK YEAH GO NEPETA

Theyre so cuteeeee I love meowrails

Slur count: 16

VRISKA'S FUTURE USERNAME SAYS FAG BAHAHAHAHA

I'm not including these in my Slur count these are funny

Okay hold on I thought these guys were dead… whag

Whoaj What are you up to Snowman… 

What the fuck

OHHH KICKAAS WINGS TEREZI. What the fuck was happening with the last panel though

Karkat stop calling things schizophrenic honey. I'm grounding you

I love Terezi and Karkat. My babies

Again??? I don't know the Password but I wanna look at what it is…

Is this troll sweet bro and Hella Jeff

I don't understand what really happened in that animation but YEAHHH FUCK HER UP ARADIA FUCK YEAHHHHH

Alpha timeline mention!!! I'm assuming that has to do with the alpha kids

A scratch… LIKE DOC SCRATCH!!!!!

Oh thank God that act is over. Kinda. Friend told me act 5 act 2 has more of the stuff I like. Act 5 act 1 gave me such a fucking headache I did not enjoy it very much!!!

The ending had that same sorta flair as usual homestuck but. The rest. It was like reading bullet points. Like you're doing now except I'm not telling a story I'm telling you my reactions to the story

Idk. Yeah. Not A fan Of act 5 act 1. Here's to hoping act 5 act 2 is better !!!

[bitterbloodrose]

THREE CHEERS FOR SWEET REVENGE

(concept album, it’s about these lovers called the “demolition lovers” and the girl died and the guy kind of makes a deal with the devil and the devils tells him to bring him the corpses of a thousand evil men”)

Helena: it’s about Gerard and Mikey’s grandma who died and Gerard basically says that its this “angry letter to himself” cos he didn’t do enough for her. My favorite part is the bridge into the final chorus and you should also watch the MV its actually Art.

I’m Not Okay (I promise): its very angry and loud cos the narrator is basically saying yeah I know you got problems but fOr FUCKS SAKE I HAVE PROBLEMS TOO YOURE NOT SPECIAL. My favorite bit is the bridge again. Especially the trust me. Watch the MV its designed like a movie trailer.

Cemetery Drive: this is my favorite song on the album and probably one of my favorites of all time cos the LYRICS DUDE “singing songs that make you slit your wrists” and it’s Literally about how the band had to go on this really long road trip I hate this stupid band

Ghost of you: not the BEST song but the MV IS ACTUALLY ART LIKE ITS ACTUAL ART. its just a sad song

Thank You for the Venom: fuck me this is another one of my favorites. This is straight rock right in the veins. The adrenaline will KILL YOU. Apparently this was a diss at the bands critics. The fucking guitar solo makes me ASCEND. Also tHE LYRICS AGAIN.

You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us in Prison: hehehheehhehehe gay sex song. It’s literally about gay sex.

THE BLACK PARADE.

Okay fuck this is genuinely genuinely one of the greatest albums of all time. And I would say this even if I wasn’t such a slut for them. Literally everything is perfect and once again its a concept album. They wrote this in the paramour mansion too lol. I’m not joking this is an ACTUAL masterpiece musically and lyrically cos it deFINED genres. Its about this “patient” who dies and joins the black parade and his story of how he died and everything. You have to listen in chronological order.

The End: basically the dudes dead. He did fuck all with his life and he’s dead. He gives No fucks about peoples opinions. The FUCKING LYRICS IN THIS DUDE. “If you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see you can find out firsthand what its like to be me” “when I grow up I want to be nothing at all”

Dead!: the transition to this makes me actually ascend. Basically about how the dude wasn’t important in his life and did absolutely nothing. I love it cos it takes this perspective instead of the one thats like “oh you’ll always matter”

This is How I Disappear: bloody hell THIS SONG DUDE THE LITTLE DETAILS. Basically about reaching out to a loved one. The BRIDGE IN THIS HOLY FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

The Sharpest Lives: probably one of my favorites on the album. Its basically about living the wild life. The fucking lyrics again. “A light to burn all the empires, so bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be” “the sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead” “so you can leave like the sane abandoned me” FUCK THE GUITAR TOO.

Welcome to the Black Parade: idk how to explain this but say its an anthem. Its the Bohemian Rhapsody for the emos. Brian May himself agrees cos he played this live with them. This fucking song has so many layers fuck. Its about the dude dying but the LYRICS AGAIN. My favorite part is the post chorus and that has my favorite lyrics in it.

I Don’t Love You: its a ballad, and a weird one cos its basically saying you’re a bitch and I hate you. Its a very salty angry song and I love it cos its Not the normal thing to do. The bit where he goes “would you have the GUTS to say” is SO SO SO SO SO ANGRY like you can TELL he HATES her

House of Wolves: another one of my favorites. Another adrenaline buster. Its about the dudes arrival in hell and hes thinking about how he sinned and everything. The LYRICS and the FUCKING GUITARTRRRR makes me wanna BUST A NUT. Basically the band said hell looks like a fiery jazz club with demons and sinners lol.

Cancer: the Sad Song. The one that makes me wanna sob. Its about how the dudes dying and he’s saying goodbye to everyone. The LYRICS AGAINNNN.

Mama: good lord this song. Fuck. Its a masterpiece. I have No Words ar ALL. Its told in the perspective of a soldier who’s gonna die. And fuckkkk dude the lyricsssss and the GUITARTRRRRREDNEJSJJSSJJS FUCK THIS SONG IS SO GOOD god I wish I could hear this again for the first time

Sleep: this album just does Not Miss. its basically about how the dudes resigned to the fact that he is a bad person and nothing he does will ever change that. The words at the beginning are a recording of gerard way from the paramour mansion when he got sleep paralysis and night terrors. Its such a sad sad sad song cos he’s ACCEPTED his fate and at the end you can hear him scream “wake up” but you can BARELY hear it but its THERE and the dude is trying to wake up but he CANT-

Teenagers: this is just so MESSY and BEAUTIFUL it’s literally about how gerard saw a bunch of teenagers and thought they were scary lol. Again the LYRICS AND THE GUITAR SOLOOOOO

Famous Last Words: ah yes. The song that very literally saved my fucking life lol. The lyrics are so fucking powerful fuckkkkkk. Also YET ANOTHER GUITAR SOLO.

DANGER DAYS: THE TRUE LIVES OF THE FABULOUS KILLJOYS.

yet another concept album are we surprised. This ones hard to explain but basically its about this comic gerard wrote set in 2019 (this was released in 2011) and the worlds gone to shit an apocalypse happened and the world being ruled by this tyrannical corporation (sound familiar?) the Killjoys are a gang of rebels who go round being anarchists and rebels basically. Its very topical I think.

Na na na na na: makes me want to burn down the government. And commit arson and kill the rich. The lyrics are literally about that. A whole BANGER

Planetary Go: its a party song about life being too short basically

Destroya: hehehhehehe sex song again. DONT play this out loud. But fr this is another rebellion ANTHEM. Its all about fighting. And its amazing.

Kids from yesterday: makes me wanna cry. It’s about how far the boys have come. Again lyrics “ you only hear the music when you’re heart begins to break”

Vampire Money: this is the funniest fucking song in the world. So basically Stephenie Meyer wrote Twilight with Gerard as Edward cos she was a massive fan. And she asked him to play edward too but he refused and finally she begged them to do the soundtrack but they refused again and instead put out a diss track for twilight lmfaooo i fucking love them.

Desolation Row: its a cover but its better than the og and the music video is my sexuality.

Light Behind Your Eyes: saddest fucking song oh my god it was written to a fan who was dying

[randombubblegum]

in their 3 (almost 4) albums what’s your favorite and least favorite lyric?

OUGGHHH FUCKKKK dude thats hard...........

i guess for least favorite id say “happy birthday merry christmas to the one i call my missus” because i hate the word missus and i hate being reminded that people can be straight.

for favorite..... its really hard!!!! theres a lot of lyrics i love..... id have to say “ill be your optimistic black hole, full of love i cant control” always REALLY gets me......... also “you wont like what you see, so keep your eyes off me/i fall in love with everything that wants nothing to do with me” fuck lol it punches me in the gut........ and “click your heels, ill take you home/i found your slipper in the cold/i feel like a played-out love song” ow ow ow..... also “double triple dizzy-dizzy lover vision” just feels so good.... i cant pick there are so many good ones

[trikxx]

Hey besties im backkkk😙! Im trying to get another chapter of my Kenma story but I need some time so im just going to write for this one.

Songs for this chapter:

• losin control - russ

• first fuck - 6lack, jhene aiko

( ⚠️this chapter mainly contains smut(degrading & edging)⚠️)

A few days later🧍🏽‍♀️

"Hey y/n are you awake?" Denki says. Y/n groans "now i am." Denki huffs and slowly opens the door and goes in the room. "I made breakfast. But I wanted to talk to you." He says looking at her pinging phone.

"You cant keep ignoring him y/n."

"Why should it matter Denki?"

"You should go and talk to him. No you are going to talk to him cause you can't keep locking yourself in here and not talking about your feelings. You both need to talk to each other and talk it out." Y/n lets his words sink in.

"Denki-"

"No. Get dressed we are are going back so you can talk to him."

Y/n rolls out the bed after Denki leaves the room. 'Why?' Y/n thought to herself as she pulled out some clothes.

Y/n looks at her phone analyzing the messages sent by Shinsou and sees some from Shindo who she occasionally texted only cause he was being annoying.

Hitoshi☄️: y/n. You dont have to come back and stay can we at least just talk.

Hitoshi☄️: nvm take you time.

'That was the last message he sent huh?' Y/n thought

Shindo.: Hey just want to ask if you wanted to hang out today?

Shindo.: You there?

Shindo.: y/nnnnnnnn😃.

Shindo.: are to shleepingggg🙂

*1 missed call from Shindo.*

"Dude." Y/n said making a irritated face. 'Am i about to text him back....yes cause why not. Shinsou can be player why cant I. I mean just a little sum sum to get my mind off that douche Hitoshi.'

Y/n🌸🤍: sorry I was sleep.

Y/n🌸🤍: yea sure we can hang out. What time and where.

Shindo.: Heyyyyy!

Shindo.: Any time is good for me. Maybe at Venice😗?

Y/n🌸🤍: Cool! I'll text you the time when I figure it out.

Shindo.: Do you want me to pick you up?

Y/n🌸🤍: no its ok. I have to do a few things so ill meet you there.

Shindo.: ok see you later then😏.

Y/n🌸🤍: cant wait🤗

'Bitch what the fuck was "cant wait🤗"' y/n thought to herself as she did her hair.

"Falling in love now lossing control now~" y/n sang along with the lyrics 'damn a bitch really in her feels.'  Y/n giggled and went to get her outfit out

Y/n sat back down on the bed. 'Maybe i should take my truck. No Denki wouldn't let me.' Y/n thought

____

"Do we really have to go?" Y/n asked. "Yes." Denki responded bluntly. Y/n rolled her eyes and went back to the room and called Mina.

*incoming call from Y/n😃✨*

Mina picked up her phone and answered quick.

Mina: Hey babes! How are you feeling?

Y/n: Im feeling ok, Denki is making me go talk to him

Mina: I agree with Denki you should talk to Hitoshi before you go and.... ya know... pop ya pussy fa a grand

Y/n: Mina noo

Mina: Im kidding im kidding.... unless..

Y/n: Nope. Thats enough.

Mina: Put ya p*ssy lips on live i give ya a thousand dollas

Y/n: Bye Mina.

Mina: No waittt-

*call ended*

___

Y/n giggles and lays back on the bed. 'I wonder how this is gonna go' . "Lets go y/n im ready." Y/n grabs her phone and keys and follows Denki out the house.

"Can I take my-" "no." Denki said. "Well shit."

"Y/n. You've been ignoring him and sulking for too long. We need y/n back." Denki said keeping his eyes on the rode.

"Can I play some music at least?" Y/n asked "Yea. What ever floats your boat and gets you to talk to Shinsou."

____

"I'm ready." "Ok lets go." He responds. Denki and Y/n walk out to Denki's car and he pulls out the driveway and drives to Y/n and Shinsou's apartment.

"You go in ill wait out here for you." Denki said. "Tch. Ok" y/n said getting out the car.

Y/n walked into the lobby "Hello ms. Y/n." The woman at the desk says. "Hey." Y/n says walking past to the elevator and then pressing 5.

There was many thoughts going through y/n's head.

'Should I actually do this.'

'Why am i here.'

'I should have taken my car any way and went somewhere else'

'Fuck him i should leave'

'Is it my fault?'

"FUCK!" Y/n yelled right before the elevator stopped. There was someone waiting and they looked at her crazy. "Sorry." Y/n said walking past them soon putting her hands in her pockets.

___

Y/n was standing outside the apartment with the key in the door debating if she should go in or not.

Y/n takes the key out the door and turned to walk away. But the door opens "y/n ?" Shinsou says standing in the door way shirt less. His eyes puffy and his eyes looking more restless then usual.

Shinsou runs toward y/n immediately enclosing her in a hug dipping his head into the space between y/n shoulder and neck. "Y/n im sorry! I should have known! I- I wasn't thinking!" Shinsou said. "Please forgive me." He continued pulling away to look y/n in her eyes.

"Y/n?" He said again looking into her teary eyes. Y/n hugs Shinsou tightly. "I missed you." Y/n say crying on to Shinsou's chest. They walk in to the apartment and sit down on the couch.

"Soo what have you been doing Shinsou?" Y/n says looking at Shinsou while he scrambles around to pick up the stuff that was out of place. "I've been..." he stops. "Its ok to tell the truth. Im not gonna judge you Toshi."

Shinsou blushes cause he hadn't heard the nickname in a while. "Well.. crying and trying to get in contact with you." He says. "Sorry I wasn't answering i've kinda been ignoring everybody." Y/n says with a small chuckle while leaning onto Hitoshi's shoulder.

"I missed you y/n." Shinsou says. Y/n lifted her head up and looked at Shinsou he looked back. "You kn-"

⚠️ne noor ne noor mayday mayday⚠️

⚠️smut⚠️

Y/n was cut off by Shinsou's lips crashing into hers. Y/n kissed back and moved closer to him deepening the kiss.

Shinsou grabbed her butt making y/n moan into the kiss. This turned him on more. He pulled y/n on to his lap. Y/n put her arms around his neck and closed the space between them.

___

Yes y/n and Shinsou were best friends but they fucked a little bit here and there. Shinsou had feeling for y/n and he really wanted her but he didn't want to ruin their relationship. Y/n had feelings but she didn't want a relationship because of what happened with Todoroki.

But theres only a matter of time before every ting becomes clear. Right?

___

Shinsou picks up y/n and carries her to her room and laying her on the bed not breaking the kiss. He tugs at the bottom of her shirt and she nods. Shinsou begins to pull y/n's shirt off breaking the kiss. He takes off his sweats and climbs on to the bed hovering over y/n's frame.

"Beautiful little fuck." Shinsou says with a smirk then taking off y/n's shorts.

He tosses the shorts to the floor then dips into y/n's neck immediately finding her sweat spot and starts leaving hickeys and love bites.

Shinsou starts kissing y/n again slowly brushing his fingers down her body stoping at the band of her underwear.

Shinsou begins to rub y/n's clothed clit "ahh~". He smirked and stop and started removing y/n's panties. Shinsou bit his lip at the sight. "So wet already." He said. Shinsou goes back to kissing y/n.

He inserts a finger into y/n. "Shinsou~" y/n moans. She feels Shinsou smirk on her lips as he adds another finger. "Like that? Fucking slut." Shinsou says breaking the kiss and speeding up his pace.

Y/n felt her core tighten up "im gonna cu-" Shinsou abruptly stopped. "What the fuck Shinsou?!" Y/n says. "Aw did I get your hopes up?" "Fuck you." Y/n spat. "Oops- wrong answer." Shinsou said smiling.

"What?" Y/n asks. "Shin- ah~" Shinsou dipped his fingers back into y/n going at a fast pace. "Fuck~"

Y/n relaxed her body knowing she was about to release but Shinsou stopped. "FUCKKKK! WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THAT!" Y/n yells. "So I have to say it don't cum till I say so." Shinsou says.

"Ok." Y/n responds but Shinsou doesn't budge. "Ok what?" He said with a straight face. Y/n held back her smile "ok Shinsou." She said deciding to dance with the devil. "You little fuck." Shinsou said with a smile.

Shinsou puts both of y/n's legs on his shoulders and puts his arms around her legs keeping them in place. He lick a "mmm y/n you taste so good." Y/n threw her head back and slipped her hands into Shinsou's hair.

"Fuck! Ah~" y/n moaned. Shinsou started to go faster "SHIT SHIT SHIT!" Shinsou got harder at the sound of y/n's moans. He couldn't wait any longer. Shinsou wanted to break y/n. He wanted to feel her around him.

"I'm gonna-" "yes princess cum on my face" "cum for me!" Shinsou demanded and Y/n obeyed. "FUCK~"

Shinsou let y/n finish then he kissed her. He then pulled of his boxers and threw them with the rest of their clothes. Y/n sat up on the her elbows as Shinsou started kissing her again. He positioned himself at y/n's entrance.

"I want to hear you beg. Beg for me to fuck you senseless." Shinsou demanded "please" "please what." "Please fuck me!"

"I said beg bitch!"

Y/n let of a quiet groan when Shinsou yelled. He could way all night for her to beg just edging her for hours on in.

"Please fuck me! Ughh~ please!" Y/n whined out. "Good girl~" Shinsou purred as he put his hand on y/n's stomach to feel him self going in count each inch.

"1~"

"2 fuck~"

"3~"

Y/n threw her head back as he went further "cant take it?" Shinsou said voice laced in lust.

"7~"

"8 ughhhh~" he said throwing his head back.

Shinsou pulled y/n closer to him and kissed her neck starting to stroke slowly at a gruesome pace for y/n. "Faster~" y/n moaned out. Shinsou smirked and pulled out. Y/n loudly groaned "stop fucking teasing~" she whined pulling Shinsou back on to the bed and getting on top.

"What do you think your doing." Shinsou says with a smirk. "Something you wouldn't."  Y/n said lowering herself down. Before she could get past tip Shinsou flipped over with him on top and went the way in and started going at a brutal inhuman pace.

"Is this what you wanted, fucking slut!"

____

'Y/n has been in there for a long time' Denki thinks getting out the car. " im gonna go check on them."

Denki walks into the apartment building. "Good evening sir. Is there anything you need help with?" The woman at the desk said.

"Uhh...actually yes do you know which apartment.. Hitoshi Shinsou stays in." "Yes apartment 503." "Thank you" Denki says walking away.

'503. 503. 503.' Denki repeated in his head while in the elevator and while walking to the door. Denki knock on the door but noticed it moved when he made contact. "Bitc- oh its open. Scary~" Denki slowly walks into the apartment. "Damn this is nice."

Denki goes to find Shinsou's room. As he gets closer to what he think is Shinsou's room he hears moans he decides to stop and just listen.

"What are you doing."

"Something you wouldn't."

Denki heard something hit the bed and then a loud whine.

"Is this what you wanted, fucking slut!"

"SHINSOU~"

Denki couldn't bare the screams. "Y/N ARE YO- oh~" "Looks like we have a guest Y/n." Shinsou says looking at Y/n. "You like this y/n?" Be continued with a smirk. "Ah~ please- s-slow down" Y/n whined

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 99

[Date: 20/03, 06:01 AM GMT - 20/03, 07:15 AM GMT]

[CW for minor/background character death, transphobia mention]

[Read Fetch's recent asks for context]

Little-K1ng: “hey guys im home!! is fetch here yet?? how did everything go??

...haha are you guys even still awake :)”

Maxwell: “yeah

uh”

god/dreaming crying: “im awake”

Maxwell: “shit went down....again....”

Little-K1ng: “oh of course, hope it wasnt too bad

are you guys at least okay?”

Maxwell: “so...fetch isnt coming tonight...”

Little-K1ng: “...oh

uh!! well!!! just another day to make sure... make sure everythings right for him coming back”

Maxwell: “his headache got worse”

Little-K1ng: “oh no poor thing :(”

Maxwell: “and i think he got really bad sensory overload”

Little-K1ng: “oh no !!!!!

did you have him do his anxiety exercise?”

Maxwell: “so he hid in the bathroom when....knight starting talking through the blog to us”

Little-K1ng: “oh dear”

Maxwell: “he was upset that fetch kept "barking"

cause he was upset and in pain”

Little-K1ng: “huh... internal arguing? thats interesting

"upset and in pain" wonder how that happened knight”

Maxwell: “we all tried to help him but he just kept getting madder and madder until...

he got pissed at knight”

Little-K1ng: “did he yell at you?”

Maxwell: “and wanted to scare him somehow to get him to be quiet i guess”

Little-K1ng: “oh? thats weird”

Maxwell: “we thought maybe he'd say something but then someone knocked on the bathroom door apparentally”

Little-K1ng: “you're shaking, max, do you want a hug?”

Maxwell: “ah....maybe in a bit”

Little-K1ng: “im sure it was scary watching fetch get angry like that :(”

Maxwell: “he....he said the person opened the door and there wasnt anything on the blog from fetch or knight for a couple minutes”

Little-K1ng: “.....”

Maxwell: “till fetch answered an ask asking if they were alright....he said it was warm

he...said there was a lot of red”

Little-K1ng: “..........uh.... i...

....i ....... dont follow”

Maxwell: “lawerence is gone now”

Little-K1ng: “what.?

crown-”

Maxwell: “one of the gas station employees

it wasnt crown”

Little-K1ng: “it....

uh

i....

you...

??? im”

Maxwell: “fetch....he...ripped his throat out (gore warning)”

Little-K1ng: “..............................................................................................i....................

i dont........

............i dont know..................... what to say.. to that”

Maxwell: “he didnt realize what he was doing”

Little-K1ng: “i dont think he did”

Maxwell: “when he did he panicked and started crying

its why he didnt come home

he...thought I was scared of him...”

Little-K1ng: “thats...

fuck”

Maxwell: “i wasnt...but he didnt believe me”

Little-K1ng: “of course he wouldnt, max

do you know where he is now?”

Maxwell: “knight was still there and he was being kind of condescending”

Little-K1ng: “i have to go get him whether he likes it or not, he must be terrified”

Maxwell: “i dont know...im assuming he left the gas station but I dont know where”

Little-K1ng: “fuckkkk”

Maxwell: “last i heard from him

i...called him my brother....and he said he wanted to come back but knight wouldnt let him”

Little-K1ng: “oh max....

....thats........ thats really sweet”

Maxwell: “.....i wasnt lying....”

Little-K1ng: “i dont think you were, max

i know he wants to come back. im gonna go get him first chance i see where he is

i wont hurt him, i wont force him, but knowing he wants to come home is the only confirmation i need

i just-..... fuck, dude........

he really.... fucking killed someone”

Maxwell: “yeah...I guess none of us really expected that to happen”

Little-K1ng: “just like that....”

Maxwell: “he hasnt been in the best state of mind though

I know I haven't....”

Little-K1ng: “not to cool motive still murder at him but, running around drenched in blood as a hybrid in this type of neighborhood isnt. exactly a good look. and not too many folks are gonna take "i was upset" as an answer”

Maxwell: “yeah...i wish i knew where he was...”

Little-K1ng: “i should- i should wake up marcus-... does marcus know?”

Maxwell: “no though im surprised marcus didnt wake up when i started crying

i...cried a lot when he said he was scared to come home”

Little-K1ng: “oh max..... that hug is still on the table?”

Maxwell: “yes please”

Little-K1ng: “uwu;;”

Maxwell: “thanks mona...”

Little-K1ng: “anytime

!! and i mean that”

Maxwell: “i know you do, ha

now how to we wake the shithead....”

Little-K1ng: “ah, cold water

maybe sit on him

dip his hand in warm water prank?”

Maxwell: “jump on his stomach”

Little-K1ng: “something light hearted

and sibling-like ;)))”

Maxwell: “we could slap em”

Little-K1ng: “forgive me if im in like, way too good a mood. just coping with shock i guess”

Maxwell: “nah its fair...”

Little-K1ng: “hard to believe its real, ill try to contact his blog again

damn, that ask i sent without actually checking mustve been uh, Not The Vibe”

Maxwell: “....im gonna hit marcus with a pillow”

Little-K1ng: “yes please”

Maxwell: “not really he answered it saying he was sorry

WAKE UP BITCH!”

Marcus: “ow”

Maxwell: “we need to talk”

Marcus: “dude

what the fuuuck”

Maxwell: “important talk time

wake up”

Marcus: “Is fetch here?”

Maxwell: “so, fetch aint coming home tonight...”

Marcus: “What’s going on?”

Little-K1ng: “hey marcus...

im.... home....”

Marcus: “.....hi

..whats going on?”

Maxwell: “he left the gas station after knight started trying to take control with as we know suffocates him and he got bad sensory overload and then he--”

Little-K1ng: “max, do you want to keep going?”

Marcus: “Why do I feel like I’m in trouble you both look....off”

Little-K1ng: “you dont have to”

Maxwell: “no no im good just one second please....”

Little-K1ng: “take a few breaths, its alright”

Marcus: “.........”

Little-K1ng: “ive got you, ill hold you dont worry”

Maxwell: “Okay....fetch...killed one of the employees...Lawrence”

Marcus: “.....he...

...”

Little-K1ng: “im so sorry marcus...”

Maxwell: “he wasnt himself...he was talking through his blog to us as himself but knight was too....”

Little-K1ng: “ill give you a bit to process... the shock hasnt actually worn off for me yet..”

Marcus: “....fetch

...w..hy?”

Maxwell: “he kept switching back and forth between the too and lawrence came into the bathroom when he was pissed and fetch wanted to get knight to shut up...

so he tried to scare knight....not realizing hed gone too far...”

Marcus: “........”

Maxwell: “when he snapped out of it he had no memory of what hed just done and he was panicking and...crying....”

Marcus: “...I don’t... I don’t like this

Please tell me this is a joke”

Maxwell: “he said he didnt wanna come back home because he thought I was scared of him...”

Marcus: “Please pleasepleasepleaseplease”

Little-K1ng: “im checking his blog right now...... and uh.....

yeah no.. its not a joke

its a fucking horrorshow”

Marcus: “no no nonononononononono”

Little-K1ng: “marcus, do you want a hug also? or do you not want touched”

Marcus: “stop please stop stopstop”

Little-K1ng: “its a lot to take in...”

Maxwell: “i tried to get him to come home....i called him my brother....”

Little-K1ng: “im having so much trouble convincing myself its real”

Maxwell: “but...knight wouldnt let him”

Marcus: “no it’s not it’s not it’s not it didn’t happen nonononono”

Little-K1ng: “i havent even. caught up to the part where im supposed to be upset or angry. i just. i just want him home and safe and warm where i can see him i just..”

Maxwell: “he had control over the two of them...but fetch got control bacck and left but I dont know where im sorry”

Marcus: “it didn’t no nonono”

Little-K1ng: “i-..im going to sit down next to you marcus, but dont worry, i wont invade your space im just worried i might faint”

Marcus: “nothing happened everything’s okayokayokay it’s okay it’s fine everything’s fine”

Little-K1ng: “thats alright marcus, its okay. denial is okay for a while”

Maxwell: “putain

mona look”

Little-K1ng: “it helps it set in better as a gentle present

yeah?”

Maxwell: “flowers....”

Marcus: “everythings fine it’s fine it’s fine finefinefine”

Little-K1ng: “o-oh...

oh marcus.....”

Marcus: “its fine

everything’s okay”

Little-K1ng: “marcus... loosen the grip on your hair, okay? you're gonna pull too hard

you might yank some of the flowers-”

Marcus: “no nononono

Maxwell: “Ah putain putain putain!”

Little-K1ng: “marcus, please-

please give me your hands, if you can, i dont want you to hurt yourself,”

Marcus: “everything’s fine everything’s going to be okay it’s fine it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay”

Little-K1ng: “exactly”

Maxwell: “marcus please”

Little-K1ng: “shhh sh sh sh just stop pulling your hair, just calm down, deep breaths”

Marcus: “its..it’s okay it’s fine

nothing happened it’s fine”

Little-K1ng: “marcus-

its okay to say nothing happened but... you have to come to terms with it at some point. i just want to know you're okay”

Marcus: “im fineimfine”

Little-K1ng: “you're fine, marcus

you're fine, i promise”

Marcus: “im..fine

...im fine”

Maxwell: “you aint”

Marcus: “..I’m.....im fine

I’m fine :)”

Maxwell: “youre not”

Marcus: “I’m ⎎⟟⋏⟒”

Maxwell: “NO”

Marcus: “-!

w-what?”

Little-K1ng: “WHAT

what

okay

let me not

let me not yell

okay

hhhhhh

marcus?

nnnnnoooooOO okay okay”

Marcus: “....”

Little-K1ng: “vwoop vwoop dont do that”

marcus...?: “...”

Maxwell: “No....”

marcus...?: “..I..”

Maxwell: “please no....”

Little-K1ng: “marcus...?”

marcus...?: “.....

..yeah?”

Little-K1ng: “are you...... is that like... "you"?

are you sure you're still marcus? i wont be mad

you tend to just kind of.... accept it”

marcus...?: “I’m...

...hm”

Little-K1ng: “you can think about it if you want

ill call you by whoever you are”

marcus...?: “....”

Little-K1ng: “your flowers are blooming and i dont know if that....... blurred the lines? or if "you" have bloomed”

marcus...?: “...I don’t know

I hate not knowing”

Maxwell: “that's okay...i didnt know for the longest time...

not like my family tried to help....”

marcus...?: “...what are they?”

Maxwell: “the flowers...?”

Little-K1ng: “they're pretty... they suit you.. at a glance, i think they're hyacinths? and... rhododendrons? huh”

Maxwell: “theyre Purple hyacinths and rhododendrons”

Little-K1ng: “yeah

do you want a mirror?”

marcus...?: “...heh

Fitting

...that’d be nice”

Little-K1ng: “here you go”

marcus...?: “....oh

Pretty”

Little-K1ng: “yeah! purple and gold is a good look”

marcus...?: “Red too”

Little-K1ng: “im........... sorry about the other night. i realized while i was at work today what i had actually said

i didnt mean it”

marcus...?: “....”

Little-K1ng: “i didnt mean to make you feel like viscount was less you than you are”

marcus...?: “......

...I don’t...want to be sad anymore

...I forgive you Mona

......sorry about this whole mess”

Little-K1ng: “that..... i dont deserve that, but ill take it

dont be...”

Maxwell: “anyone else still having slight headaches?”

marcus...?: “It’s..kind of my fault that we’re here”

Maxwell: “its not man..”

marcus...?: “...it is

I was...

I wanted to stay”

Little-K1ng: “it wasnt your fault. i left the doors open, maxwell gave himself up, fetch uh. we'll skip that one”

marcus...?: “But I got scared when...page..took off his circlet”

Little-K1ng: “when we're all to blame theres enough to go around, dont hurt yourself carrying it all”

marcus...?: “I didn’t want to leave”

Maxwell: “you helped me get away and im thankful for that”

[Maxwell: “anyone else still having slight headaches?”]

Little-K1ng: “i mean always”

marcus...?: “but you were so unhappy

And...and crown said that if you ever wanted to leave, you could

He said that

But....

But he didn’t want to let page max leave”

Little-K1ng: “he said you could leave? he might be banking on no one wanting to, which is..... surprisingly childish”

Maxwell: “thats why im confused why not just let me go...”

Little-K1ng: “almost adorable, frankly”

Maxwell: “im just a kid

well

not really”

marcus...?: “........he”

Maxwell: “im not a kid but im young”

marcus...?: “None of us

....

Before Max and fetch...

None of us...wanted to leave

We all went...for reasons

......

...I don’t like being marcus”

Maxwell: “.....”

Little-K1ng: “...you dont have to be”

marcus...?: “......”

Little-K1ng: “you can be viscount and still stay here, i wont hurt you”

marcus...?: “..........”

Maxwell: “yeah”

marcus...?: “...what about...knight fetch”

Little-K1ng: “i... they need to figure out what actually makes them happy. for that, they're gonna need time to work that out if crown wants anything lasting. but either way, neither one is gonna hold it against you”

marcus...?: “......”

Maxwell: “yeah

i know i would prefer to stay as max because....

page reminds me of who I was before I was myself....who I truly was

when i was kid who didnt know anything”

Little-K1ng: “so... page makes you feel... helpless?

vulnerable?”

Maxwell: “yeah

hes who i was before

who i am to my family

accept my family sees me as a 'she' even if I've told them im not....”

Little-K1ng: “oh ew

have no fear max, you're you. no matter what they say

same goes to you”

Maxwell: “...i....

you know how im part rat?

but dont fully look like one?”

Little-K1ng: “yeah?

Maxwell: “like fetch kids loved the make fun of me for how i looked....my grandmother gave me a necklace when I was about 10 then helped hide those features....

made my ears more human like, pointy but easier to hide

and....got rid of the other stuff

im not supposed to wear it for more than 2 weeks but i've been wearing it ever since crown took me”

Little-K1ng: “oh no is that.... like.... unhealthy??

i dont usually have to do anything to h-.... well

yknow, like i wouldnt know”

Maxwell: “.....

i hadnt taken it off cause i got so used to wearing it

and uh....didnt know what you would do”

Little-K1ng: “....do you want to take it off?”

Maxwell: “kids used to pull on my ears and yell in em

honestly?”

Little-K1ng: “honestly”

Maxwell: “yeah....my ears have been hurting because in order to hide em it squishes em”

Little-K1ng: “do you........ want us to turn around first?”

marcus...?: “We don’t have to look if you don’t want us to”

Maxwell: “perhaps it takes a second to set in and it might be helpful if you do...”

Little-K1ng: “i can chat with marcus while it... wears off i guess?

wait, marcus uh? viscount?

whichever

uh”

marcus...?: “...I don’t know”

Little-K1ng: “ill wait for confirmation on that

but uh

are you...... feeling okay?

better, at least?

i can get you some water”

marcus...?: “...I’m..yeah

....I’m alright”

[The rest of the conversation is speculation about whether Mona truly is “the fourth” member, as well as what kind of personality her court version would have. There’s only one day left before Spring is supposed to arrive, and the court members return “home”, so there’s still a possibility that Fetch might return before then]

[mingi-bubu]

Watch “Flower of Evil” with Me!

Episode 3

heyyyoooo

we are back with me screaming about joongi again!

i have my water, i have my ice cream, my laptop is plugged in, the show is up and ready to play

as the man of many possibilities mark lee would say, lezgeddit

blond joongi

thats it

thats the commentary

2007??  god that was a long time ago wasnt it

fire fire ring???

i wonder if joongi really made all of these or at least this one while he was filming

omg the onld phone thats so cute

this is a very interesting dynamic that they have at the begining

bro

bro its not bc she suspects you of anything

sweetie, i

omg she said that with her whole chest im

what ???  is this supposed to mean???

love that shesO H MY GOD HE SAID THAT TO HER

WHAT THE FUCK

DUDE

i mean like i know

but still

ligghtinging

i cant spell but yeah

staring staring starign

already awake

sir

majf;lajwdfa they are so cute fuck off

al;dksfja;ldkjf SHUT UPPPP

oooh truth

he has pierced ears?

oh we are looking for those picue

aJTEHJWRPAIOEWH THE FUCKING CHEEK THING THATS SO CUTEE FUCK

jiwon!!!  she’s so cuteeee

i am in lvoe with her

ma’am if joongi breaks your heart i am here to help you pick up the pieces

autopsy

fuck i want kimbap

he said gotta stay on that grind

oh

oh this isnt gonna be helpful to him

let him live???  after everything that just happened???

inch resting

FUCKING COMMERCIALS WHAT DID HE WRITE FUCK

I am sick of these commercialssss fuckkkk

i dont care about tmobile or iphone

i want to know wht reporter-nim wrote

ok here we go

2011

what

waht???

keep reading

i hate that im sharing braincells with a criminnal but i do want to know things

theres a video???

did as they were ordered

never a good excuse

we had a whole set of trials establishing tthat

but anyways lets get back to the drama

swears on his mother???  ooh thats a big swear

WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONGHAE IS LIVE RN ITS LIKE 8 IN THE MORNING OVER THERE WHAT THE FUCK

sir get some sleep

oh something just happened on screen with reporter-nim and joongi

said he didnt want a promise he wanted a guarentee or something

ooohhhh detective cutie’s looking Good

thats blod

thats a lot of blood

oh aish

fuck and shit

oh dear

oh i don t likeFUCK NO

EWWWW

im

stopp suspeciting your husband even though it is him

serial murder time uwuwuwuwu

sidenote to the drama donghae looks so cute rn awww

anyways

nam soongil

rip

hojoon

need to remember names

donghae says bye bye

hes so cute awww

oooohhh tea

i mean we knew this but TEA

oh they aint gonne find him huh

oh

unless ;)

joongi in ballcap have i suddenly become @princekunge

thats a nice apartment

such a same that reporter-nim (probably) isnt going to experience it again

also dont forget to support your local business

MARIANO DIVIANO???  IS THAT HIM

OH MY GOD D&G ADS

sorry i got distracted

me, absolutely not giiving a fuck about pizza

that is a boring af background bud

mine is yixing in one of his performances

anyways

joongi is hacking but not hacking

thats a very loose set of rools i love it

hm not comfy with the constant filming of the girl but whatever

this is is interesting

wait!!!

IS THT THE GIRL WHOS AW HIM COMMIT MURDERS

reporternim said bitches are leaving NOW

OH FUCK THATS WIFEY FOR LIFEY

well hes not stuck in the bathroom

again we knew but

i mean maybe you wouldnt but ive been known to be lazy

searchy search time

where could joongi be hiding

my bet is balcony?OH FUCK I WAS RIGHT BUT ALSO OH FUCK

oh my bod baobeiiii

not to be a victorian gentleman but ankles and wrists

man is damn lucky that clouds exist huh

oh my godddd

oh my god

is she

is she????

oOH MY GOD JOONGI

i need to like not be attracted to him but FUCK DOES HE LOOK REALLY GOOD HERE FUCK

oh my god the suspench i cant take it

OH FCUCK

OH MY GOD

me *handshake emoji* joongi

letting out relieved breaths at the same time

OH MY GOD

also i know that like he probably doesnt feel anything towards her

but there was no need to smile technically while he was on the phone with her

its not like she would be able to tell

so *eyes emoji*

love that i just got a commercial for toyota in not english

oh my god the kid iconic

i love the kid

oh man looks good in lightwash jeans

adams abble

oh shit what up

the ne??

ooooohhhh

taxi taxi taxi

oh no

wait

i completely forgot about reporternim

oh shit

joongi

babe

oh no

i mean i think hes perfectly capable of holding off a man whos been tied up for x amount of days so

just

fucking

oh shit

well rip reporter-nim

OH OH NO

OHHHHH NOOOO

THIS ISNT

YIKES

hojoon right

closeda gagin

oh yikes

YIKES

OH GOD I

OH NOOOOOOO

THIS

FUCK

OH SHIT

oh my god

oh my god

hohadifapweuhgaprh

oh my good oh my god oh my good agapwuhreapuwehtp98qphwra

EREREAJIFOPARPGUEHR

oh my god

me at my gremlin brain: stop finding joongi attractive when he just tried to lkill a man

hey i know ibe probs said this before but fuck the reporter guy

“i’m sorry i didnt kill you when i had the many many chances before”

oh the crooked evil half smile

i

oh shit wait what was on the vidoe

video

oh???

oh god its gonna be some weird creepy shit isnt it

wehhh

i dont want to know actually

that’s dope!

love that kid who immediatly goes don’t talk to my noona like that aldfkja;sldj

FUCKIGN COMERCICALS

WHY WAS HE GOING TO GO GHOST

god

i think the biggest thing with the commercials is that theyre not like...placed in the right spots?  like at breaks in the action what are they

SCNEE BREAKS

like the scene breaks

not properly timed i think viki just goes like after x amount of minutes its commercial time

toyota commercials in korean

iconic

whats he seeing

oh thats certainly a statue

im not likeing this at all

really hating this a lot actually thanks for asking

but joongi seems to recognize it or at least wahtever he saw that we dont get to

oh shit

this is something that could kick him out of korea

OH SHIT

O H S H I T

HES A CREEP

HES A CREEP

OH MY GOOOD

JOONGI CLOCKED HIM SO FAST FUCK

WHAT HAPPENED

HE REALLY USED HIS WORDS AGAINST HIM UGH A KING

aww they have matching bandaid stuff

asdkfjaowiehfparhag the way that jiwon immediately takes joongis side

als;kdfjajekwagfharpueoh

akdjfalskdjf

this is so fucking funny

liike this situation is so awkeward i love it

alsdkjfalsdk he really added that -yo too late lmaoooo

oh shit

the dots are connecting

for him not for everyone else

i just want to know like all of the background shit that happened

do hyun soo was is

man you are shit at lying

like that was just absolutely terrible

i dont care for this group and i never will i dont care to be part of their story do not wait for me i will not be coming

also thats kinda....idk i have a lot to say but i dont want to say

i love the geico aunt commmercial

its so funny like something straight out of snl

anyways i wonder who was calling the dead guy bc joongi sure did seem surprised

that uhhhh

that commercial certainly held some connotations

alsdjflakdsfj the taxi guy actor

give him an award i love him

just pereipherally

bro

im so sick of this

EUNHAAAAA

I LOVE HER

WOW I AM SO LOVE THEIR RELATIONSHIP ITS SO CUTE AWWEEEEHHHHH

lmao did reporter-nim actually think that joongi was going to lie to him?

bitch get some braincells lmaoooooo

not to like defend a serial killer but i know that we are (probably) supposed to be rooting for him

that is a nice couch futon thing tho

al;k;kdfj;alkds home is the best

a mood

man take a rest

he couldnt be that bad

lol

bro

i love watching the conflict of this guy

luwak OH

civet

civet coffee is expensive but really really smooth and good

team leader kang doesnt care for this guy why is

oh

shes  doing the most forhim because of the “exclusive”

oh wow

wait who is doing the murders if not joongi?

unless

oooohhh that looks really good

anyways who is it if not him?

oh akldf;aklsd food is food

ok mee tooo

almost 8500 dammmnnn

oh his face??

sketch artiste time???

oh shit

oh the scar

what is it with joongi and always ending up with his back to trees

oh wait BACK STORY TIME???

UGH THAT IS THE DEIVL

OH FUCK THANKS COMMERCIALS I WAS NOT WANTING TIO SEE THAT

THAT WAS TERRIFYING

but wait my earlier tohought: is joongi not a sociopath?is he like....conditioned? for lack of better words

aieweti

is that his real paretns then from the first episode?

ugh i have so many questions and NO answeres

i hate the progressive commercial but the actress is really pretty so perhaps it has rights

joongi soaking wet is so cute i will not lie to you

we already know i simp but

oh i do hate the black eyes stuff

oh my god he didnt kill him

OH FUCK

MY MAN GOD SMACKED BY A CAR

eunhaaaa

shes

shirt open

;lakdsjfal;sk hes so cute with herrr i cannnnt

shirt open no thoughts

oohhh the framing is important but also pretty to see

mayhaps he is not the person we thought

who is knocking at the door

oh he really did show up

aldsfkja;ldskjf eunha is my FAVORITE PERSON

in front of his kid

hes lucky he doesnt kill him

in front of the outside and everything

bro clam down

 adlfkjasdlkfja;lsd the fucking overacting

so many people have a resentment bro

why is reporternim trying to help him though?

god i really shouldnt see joongi as so hot when hes acting pissed off but i am LOOKING DISRESPECTFULLY

who is it then

what the fuck

mistery person

is that

is that pictures of jiwon?

ew murdery man is very ill

so fish keychain is important

what if its the girl who witnessed him?

oh dear

oh dera oh dear oh dear

she really slapped him huh

DOMMERCIAL I SCREAM HOW DARE

ijust want to knwo the informations

fuck

ok back

wow

who is this lady

is she not his real mami

what is his dad

what

WHAT

WHO

WHAT OMG

WHAT IS HAPPENIGN

WHAT

W H A T

WHO

OMG

omg

omg omg omg

OH MY GOD WHY DID THEY

REAL HEESONG IS STILL ALIVE????

what the fuck

what tthe FUCK

fingerprint?

oh shit

oh my godhe has an ex???

JIWONNIE WHAT

UGH

okay thats it for this episode holy shit

omg

oh my god i am quaking

ugh how am i supposed to survieeeeevvvveee

anywatys

thank you for reading!!!

stay safe and stay healthy <333

[clawzetto]

Any thoughts of all the characters of the Masked Singer so far? The last would be your favorites.

you have unleashed this question and now i will not hold back. (this is going to be long im so sorry fdjkfdsjfk)

ok season 1 + 2 has a total of 28 characters and of course im biased to the first one but i am warming up to the season 2 characters.. ugh theyre all so good... i’ll start in reverse order according to the character sorter i made

��————————————————————————————————

flower - im scared of her. BUT she sings so good 😭 my pops thinks she’s tina turner... me and ma say it’s patti labelle. i think she’ll make it far in the competitionbee - i was scared of her too. but honestly the costume grew on me... miss gladys come thru! she was my friends fav 🐝butterfly - THE INSECT COSTUMES SCARE ME i DONT KNOW WHY THEY JUST DO. shes a good singer but i get her & widow confused a lot 😭egg - i was NOT crazy abt him at first but like.. wow. after watching him perform.. swagger leaped out. i like him now he is cooltree - THE COSTUME IS SILLY. i appreciate her holday spirit & festive aura. she really is a tree huh!flamingo - she could be peacock’s girlfriend 😳 no clue who this is.. is guessing a youtuber too obvious...?alien - she looks like an invader zim character. i like it. miss jackson snapped!ladybug - SCARED OF INSECTS BUT her costume is cute when i see how expressive she is 🐞pineapple - bro.. this dude is old as hell props to him FJDFJDK wow his mindblack widow - alas... i am afraid. the costume is dope tho. when she came out struttin on stage.. ok werk miss widow!raven - she makes me sad. i care her 😭 shes vry dark and gothic and i vibe w that. she is cool i care herdeer - i LIKE HIM BECAUSE HE’S CREEPY THATS IT. FJKSLjskeleton - oh hello mr bones.. 💀 hes funny and short i like him ugh.. sans undertale WHO? fdhjkfer  is he danny devito or sumn LFMSDAlion - i LEGIT THOUGHT SHE WOULD WIN SEASON 1... i was literally so shocked when she got eliminated i was like 😲 she made it so far tho i was proud of her. queenpoodle - that shit was literally so funny ken was so shook when she was revealed 😂😂 HER COSTUME BANGS BTWpenguin - love her. she’s so tiny. adore that. also im going to get progressively hornier as this list goes on and i love her boobs. penguin tiddiesrottweiler - hes kinda sexy but im literally shook at his background dancers... he’s really into pup play huh!  😳😳😳 thingamajig - HE’S LIKE.. HE’S LIKE MONSTERS COUSIN. i hope he wins season 2. hes freakin tall as hell. wow. he is a thing that likes to majigunicorn - objectively the prettiest costume. also i saw nsfw art of her once.. it was pretty fleekmonster - baby. i love you. he deserved his win. king of masked singer. KING i LOVE U  😭👑eagle - ... imma keep it real with you.. he can NOT sing but hes sexy and a dilf and i WILL have sex with him if he don’t stop messin around.hippo - he’s cute but also i will fuck him. i love thick men! sit on my facepanda - SHE’S BABY. I LOVE HER. I CARE HER... SOOO SWEET i cried 🐼💕ice cream - actually i like him a lot.. i didnt think i would but hes kinda meme-y and also hes freakin NINJA. his mindfox - FUCK. he hits all the good spots. he’s literally like rabbit v2. they knew what they were doing. his swagger and horniness level could never reach mr rabbit but i love foxes and hes sexy and im going to make him swallow my cum. SEXXXXXXXXX SIR PLEASE LET ME HAVE SEX WITH YOUpeacock - (( shaking and sweating )) The Real Donny Osmond liked my tweets abt peacock on twitter and i was so severely shook.. you know what? i love peacock. runner up king. i appreciate him. flamboyant. knows how to work that thing. i have a lot to say about him but i will go as far to say hes my 2nd favorite out of them all.. with rabbit being #1 of course heheleopard - oh i am going to have the RAWEST sex with this one. i could make a whole separate post abt leopard but all i will say is that : after seeing leopard perform... i have never wanted to suck leopard cock this much in my life. i know it’s huge. i know leopard’s cock is massive. i know it. rabbit - the man of my dreams. king of thickness. wrowww... hes the reason i started watching the show for reals. what can i say! rabbits are my fav animal of all time. he has swag and is a fat motherfucker and i would drill his fat ass into the mattress and fill him with my babies. FUCKKKK i LOVE U RABBIT  HES LITERALLY LIKE. MY DADDY im going to.. ooh i am just going to fucking.. tie him up. i hate this. he is amazing. his ass is huge and he’s thick as hell and he can sing and dance and he literally invented the concept of swag. k i need to stop before i write erotic fanfiction about him but. listen. rabbit and peacock are my ultimate faves and i am smitten, truly. 🐰 joey i love u

According to the Favorite Character Sorter, these are my Top 3 !!!  ( but in all honesty, I think Peacock should be second 🐦💘🌈 ) 

Here’s the character sorter I made!!! ( it doesnt work on mobile sorry fjfhd )https://maskedsingersorter.tumblr.com/

[norwegianboo-berry]

Dude fuckkkk energy shots

I had some in my apt and no coffee so I was like eh...ok. This will do. I thought "I should only drink half and see if thats enough"....it was STILL too much lollll

It started kicking in and at first was the cleanest, clearest energy I've felt since I was a kid and 10 minutes later it was still building and my good friends anxiety and delusion came to kick my ass

[tsukana]

Ep 275

“he’s pissing me off” same sanji same

JSAL;DKFJ  SH IT . THE . THE FLASHBACK. THE COMPLETELY NONCHALANT TONE THATS BORDERING ON CHEERFUL AS ROBIN SAYS THAT SHE HAS NO HOME NOWHERE TO RETURN TO. 

IM. FCK. THATS HIGHKEY MORE AFFECTING TO ME THAN SUB FOR SOME REASON?? 

jfc spawndumb is literally the epitome of a rich fuckboy who has no clue abt the consequences of his actions or how stupid he makes himself seem to literally everyone else

oooOHOHHHHHH OHARA FLASHBACK HERE WE GO 

gdi these piece of shit kids

i just want to hug her and wrap smol robin up in a blanket 

how the fuck can an adult justify calling an 8 year old girl a monster

god

i just want to punch these people in the face holy shit 

FUCKKKK YOOOO THE SCHOLARS BRING SUCH A SMILE TO MY FACE 

IMMM

OH GOD ROBINS SMLE SO GOOD SO PURE

robin’s so smol... so smart.. but she’s still a kid and im jsut... Clover’s such a good dude??? he cares so much,, jfc oh man 

SAAAAAAUUUUULLLLLLL

its probably just me but for some reason i like to imagine saul with an australian accent 

nOPE its a southern one 

OH. OH NO THAT WAS SO CUTE. 

-head tilt- “Wa-water?” 

I LOVE TINY ROBIN IN BOTH ENGLISH AND JAPANESE

SHE’S TRYING TO “DERESHISHI” SO HARD I LOVE 

spandine can go choke on seawater

[not-tryin-2-have-a-debate]

honestly idk i have a fucked up jealousy of gay and/or otherwise “gender-non-comforming” dudes bc like well one i just kind of wish my body was more like that, or that it’d been born like that, bc the things i envy the most are things i can’t really get from surgery like...i don’t mind my downstairs situation either way really. boobs are hit and miss but i can get a good binder in the future and have titties whenever i want yknow so i dont really wanna go through the trouble of surgery there even though they do cause dysphoria bc its off and on yknow..... but like i wish i was like built like not curvy which is weird bc looking at pics of myself im like mmm thats my best feature huh....ive got like a crazy hourglass goin on. and like. god actually idk i like my hips but its just so?? “feminine??” like i wish i could keep my body how it is and wear whatever i want and be recognized as Not A Cis Girl so i envy guys that are confident enough to do ““““feminine”“““““ shit and be recognized as androgynous/etc/etc/etc bc even the stuff i could do like im too....scared lol

a few times ive been like fuck.......i wanna grow my facial hair. i love that beard+makeup look and i hate having to keep up w shaving my face lol...but i know that it would just be like “ew that girl really needs to shave her mustache” and not “wow........What A Look” yknow lolhair is so weird bc i like my hairy ass body but i also like shave hair that anyone is going to see bc i don’t want them to see me as a weird unkempt cis girl and its frustrating. so like i get freaked out making sure i aint hairy bc Beauty Standards i guess but at the same time im like haha im exclusively doing this for other ppl and i hate it.....lmao.....

and my hair like, on my head, is weird for a few reasons. i like having it long bc i can play with it and dye it w/o having to bleach and this is dumb but since long hair is an important thing in “””my””” (with tentative quotes) culture i feel guilt thinking about cutting it.....but thats just another thing where im like god damn it i could do this and not be bothered abt it if i was read as a cis dude in the first place,,,,,it would help me be read as Not-Cis instead of pushing farther on the “what?? how can you be trans u have long hair and big titties?” lol

a lot of androgynous clothing looks shit on me bc of my body type or its just like not my style so there’s no point in me wearing it....like....

and ive contemplated going on T but like thats so,,,,,complicated,,,,like for one this shit is hard bc i am NOT a trans guy and i feel like all of my options are like.....options for trans guys?? idk if that makes any sense. thats such a complicated feeling to try to explain but like looking at T and binders and thinking about what i could do sometimes just makes it even worse bc im like no im not a guy i just,,,,,,,,,,ughh!!!!!! same with voice stuff its just kind of like ;;@~ looking at like “FTM Voice Training 101″ bc thats not me yknow its. its and i get too worked up over it lol and its probably really confusing bc im like “ughghgh this would all be so much easier if i’d been ‘‘‘‘‘‘‘born a cis dude’‘‘‘‘‘ but btw im not a boy” lol. also i hate. language. and T like..........ggg T....if i hypothetically went on it i’d have to wait until i was like. definitely less scared. and definately not living in the state i live in bc they’d like never prescribe it to me and im not gonna lie about being a man to try to make it easier to prescribe i just can’t....and like from what i understand testosterone like: changes ur voice which is good, increases hair which ok, and does weird shit 2 ur clitoris which idk if im really lookin for but like i wouldn’t be pissed abt it i wonder if you can take like a middle ground amount of hormones. can i even out my levels lol. what would that do even. i would definitely enjoy not having periods but even my vagina/uterus isn’t really that big of a deal for me? i get upset about having periods or the idea of being pregnant for Gender Reasons more than i do with having those organs in general. but even than its like. Sometimes. with that its more that i am in very large amounts of pain so that would be like a happy side effect and also i wouldn’t be Sometimes dysphoric abt it. my face is weird bc half of it is just that i hate myself and my face and body bc im ugly and hate myself but the other have is like “haha what????????? im trapped in hell and this is wrong :)” so like there’s things i just don’t Like about how i look but then theres just a general like,,,this would be an ok face for someone else but its not mine. but its really really hard to like pick out whats specifically wrong its just??? wrong. but again in a way that like...it doesn’t have to be wrong, but its wrong bc i know its not gonna be read as anything other than a Cis Girl Face and that makes me feel really really really really uncomfortable. but like lmao imagine me with a better face and like fullon beard but still on my Petite Curvy Body....idk if i like the idea of that or not honestly lol but i don’t know what to do about Any Of It like fuckkkk

also like with my brother i feel more pressures i guess to be a girl so my parents have to “deal with” less lmao which is so dumb but i..........idk. i feel that way a lot. so yeah idk I Want And Need Some Changes But Idk What To Realistically Do Or Even Look Forward To Doing. And It Is. Ass.

[the-little-red-noodle]

7/3/19 11:39pm the aftermath

Spencer and i broke up today.

I am so exhausted. My eyes hurt from crying. My chest hurts from breathing and thinking and seeing him. I feel hollow but also so fucking heavy i can’t move. I feel hurt, i feel frustrated, i feel confused and i feel so fucking angry that this is happening one of the weekends i was looking forward to the most this summer. I am really really frustrated and really sad.

I had been in costa rica for like 10 days. I was so excited to see him. I just landed at the airportand he texted that he was on his way to my house and i was excited that i would have most of the day and the night to be with him. I would get to talk about the trip and be excited and kiss him and talk about the larp.

Fuck i just wish he could express anything ever. Fuck.

Where was i? I got home, i was trying on larp stuff and being excited and he got there and he seemed normal and we went to my room and i changed back into normal clothes and he sat on the other end of my bed and i was motioning for him to sit with me and he moved to still sit across from me and i was like what’s up?

And he just sat there holding my hands and stuttering and trying to speak and stopping and then i said,

Are you trying to break up with me?

And he said yes, I’m sorry. And i just felt like confused and like aw he’s having trouble speaking but also what are you doing?

And then i was like why? Why are you doing this right now, we have such a fun weekend planned and we have a party tomorrow and a larp and all this to celebrate together, why are you doing this now? You couldn’t have waited until after our fun weekend, until after my fun weekend? Until after i could do the stuff i had been so excited about and planning and planning with you? You couldn’t have waited??

Theres never a good time..

There fuckin is, it’s called ANY of the times i brought it up to you that thigs weren’t working. ANY of the times i said we weren’t communication well. ANY of the times i said i wasn’t happy or that we’re so different or that we just love differently. THATS when you mention the fact that you feel that way too. You fucking. Tell. Me. You fucking say hey I’ve been feeling that way too, we are super different, our communication doesn’t work well together, idk if I’ve been super happy. You fucking say something then. You don’t calm me down over and over saying that we’ll work it out we’ll work it out and then drop this on me literally an hour after i get home from a trip and before this really fun weekend that i would have liked to enjoy. I really was looking forward to this stuff and now you fucking ruined it. I’m not the kind of person who deals with shit by going out partying and pretending everything is fine. I fucking know it’s not fine and i see peoples faces looking at me with the “how ya doin?” face and the pity and the “oh wheres spencer?”

Dude, fuck you.

It’s not like i didn’t also think the relationship wasn’t working. I went back and forth so many times on whether or not to end it or stick it out, but i wouldn’t have fucking dropped it on you right before you had a bunch of important shit to do

Fuck you

Of course i knew it wasn’t working, we been knew. It hasn’t been working since the start frankly, we don’t communicate cohesively. I actually have emotions? And talk about them? And want to hear how you feel about stuff? What a fucking concept???

Fuckkkk youuu

I actually cared enough to go out of my way all the damn time to do what you needed, and show you how i felt, and love you the way you receive it best. Where was my gesture? Where was forthought into doing something for me? Where were any words that actually came from your heart and not phrases that i said were special to me?

Dude, fuck you man.

I’m angry. I’m really really frustrated because we talked so many times about when i was having doubts and when i was feeling like we needed help and we needed to fix shit and where i asked you over and over AND OVER!! HOW YOU FELT! That’s when you fuckig say something! You fucking tell me hey I’ve been having some doubtsabout the relationship and I’m not sure if I’m happy, and then we would have talked, seen that we felt the same way, and ended things respectfully together. But instead, you kept that shit in for months so you could blindside me before i have shit to do

FUCK. YOU.

How do you expect relationships to go? We small talk, fuck, eat, and sleep? And give each other space but don’t ever text or talk while we’re apart? What kind of relationship is that?

Beat change

What kind of relationship was i settling for? With someone who, not wouldn’t, but couldn’t share their feelings. Someone who was incable of really anything involving emotional intelligence. Someone who RARELY asked me how i was doing or what i was thinking about or how i was feeling. Never asked about my past, never knew HUGE pieces of who i am because he never bothered to dig around? He never knew about my depression, or the self harm, or the eating disorder, just a few. So many parts of what ultimately made me me and he just never asked. I asked about him CONSTANTLY and i could never get much.

What kind of relationship was i settling for? Where i have to do so much fucking legwork to get the affection i need and so much effort to train him how to respond to a text in less than an hour. What was i settling for? Because he was the one? Hell no, we been knew this was casual from the start

OH THAT TOO! BITCH THIS WHOLE OPERATION WAS YOUR IDEA!!!!

We weren’t even dating! We weren’t a couple! We were hooking up and then YOU decided you liked me more and YOU decided you wanted to be exclusive and YOU wanted me to be your girlfriend and YOU initiated all those conversations that got us here. And then YOU have the audacity (I’m being dramatic) to step out after you decide theres no fixing us when you didn’t even give it a fair shot. When i brought up how to make us better and how i asked how you felt about every little thing just to gain an inch of insight into what the fuck was ever on your mind.

What kind of relationship was i settling for? Where i had to stretch to get reassurance. Where i had to stretch to get validation. Where no compliment came free or unprovoked. Basically everything you ever told me was because i fucking prompted you to speak. If i hadn’t, we wouldn’t. If i didn’t start a conversation, there was no conversation.

God i am so fucking angry about it. Yes I’m sad and we’ll get to that, but I’m really fucking angry. And i feel guilty because i want to shut down and not be social but i feel like people are fucking relying on me to show up to stuff and drive people to things and camp and do all this and i fuckiiiiinnnggg wanna just not.

But i can’t be a hermit because then i let everyone down. If i bail that means mark has no ride or tent and julia won’t go and shell be bummed and shea will be mad because I’ll miss another fucking larp and everything falls on me

But if i go, i know myself, and I’m gunna be a fucking wreck the whole time. I’m gunna be crying and not wanting to participate and I’m gunna have to watch all the couples be happy and be like “so wheres spencer? What happened? Are you okay?”

I hate are you okay.

Fuckin..???? Like..???? Naw?? I got dumped before a bunch of shit i was super excited for and now can’t be excited because I’m heartbroken and have to do all this shit without him after getting my hopes up that he would go and it would be so romantic and right up our alley and so fun.. and now it’s fucking ruined and everytime i think about the larp, i think about how many people are counting on me to go and how people will say they understand but are also super disappointed and secretly hate me for throwing a wrench in our plans

BUT ITS NOT MY FUCKING WRENCH

ITS HIS WRENCH BECAUSE HE COULDNT HAVE FUCKING TOLD ME HOW HE WAS FEELING MONTHS AGO OR, and i can’t stress this enough, FUCKING WAITED UNTIL AFTER.

I’m mad because he knew how important this weekend was to me, that i literally cut my family vacation short to spend time with him, and i can’t even get to enjoy it with my friends now cuz i swear theyre all gunna be looking at me and thinking ah shit is she ok, should we say something, is she drinking too much, is she eating too much, is she blinking too much, hey are you okay?

I’m frustrated too because i swear i went back and forth on breaking up with him so much and i can’t believe he’s the one who did it, and blindsided me, and ruined my fun weekend. I literally texted mark like a week before my trip in a frenzy like I NEED TO BREAKUP WITH SPENCER! And he talked me down. Yah, mark talked me down. Who always seemed to hate spencer and not like that we were dating, he fucking talked me out of ending it. MARK.

Dude, fuck you, right now. Fuck you for not being about to just talk to me. Fuck sake, it can’t seriously be that difficult to have an emotion formed into a single thought right? I do it constantly. How hard is it to say “i feel like we’re having problems” or “I’m struggling” or fucking anything. Nah, just keep it in and unleash it on the worst time possible. Sounds super.

Fuck you man.

Ima go to bathroom or something. I need to walk this off. Fuck I’m so angry

Also, fuck you for the corny friend line near the end

“I hope that someday-“ “i swear to god if you say that we can still be friends..” “well.. yeah, id like to”

Like, fuck me gently with a chainsaw, i don’t wanna be your friend, dude. We don’t really have a lot in common, it’s kinda part of why we’re breaking up, remember?

The couples who usually stay friends after a breakup are the ones who have a ton in common and lose attraction for each other, whereas spence and i have eh not a lot a lot in common, and i reaaallyy attracted to him. That pairing doesn’t bode for great friends. That sets us up to be like fuck buddies again. No, i don’t wanna be friends. At least not now. I basically said we’ll cross that bridge when we get there, but honestly, fuck that noise, ok? That’s basically u saying that I’m not attractive and that youd be fine just hanging out in groups and hitting on my friends.

Pass.

I’m glad i asked about romy tho. I always thought he had a thing for her and maybe that was why he wanted to end things. Theyd make a good match i guess. Both of them are incapable of expressing any emotions and are crazy stoners.

Man i am not gunna miss the potheads. Omigod. I worry so fucking much about his health and I’ve told him many times. Youll notice, if you read the records back, not once has he expressed interest in my health. Never commented on drinking or working out or anything really. Never worried about my safety ever. Not even after i was sexually assaulted, which i know is a low blow, but honestly..??? Where was the concern? Where was the fuck that guy attitude? If someone had groped spencer, you better believe i would say some shit. I would fucking destroy them. I wouldve done anything to keep him safe, including getting sexually assaulted so that i could get his drunk ass home. Whos gunna carry you back to your dorm anymore? Whos gunna take care of you when you’re throwing up from alcohol poisoning? Won’t be ANY of the people in your inner circle, I’ll tell you that much. Your friends don’t give a shit about your health and it shows and it broke my heart everytime. I watched your friends ignore you vomiting.

I watched your friends ignore you vomiting.

And then offer you weed. Then you threw up again and they passed out. Ffucking what? call me overattentive, but thank god you had me those nights. When you passed out drunk behind a tent at BFtR or when you got too high at a wonderland party or when you drank too much at the alpha toga party and were throwing up in ralphs bags while your friends IGNORED YOU. whos gunna do that for you now? Are you gunna end up dead after a delta party one day because your friends don’t give a shit about you? I worried about this NONSTOP. Because i cared so much about you, and i still do. And i would worry every time youd leave the house and go to bars or whatever because i know that something like that is going to happen again, and I’m not gunna be there to pick up the pieces and give you a placw to sleep and make sure you drink water and take medicine and care about you. Tell me which one of your “friendsl is going to care about you the way i did. Cuz I’ve watched them all fail that test frankly and it breaks my heart.

But i guess.. that’s not my problem anymore. The days of getting you home safe after one too many is over. The nights of staying up till 5 am holding your hair up are over. The conversations I’ve tried to have about your health and hoping youd change those habits is over. Cuz it can’t be my problem anymore. Cuz i can’t watch you kill yourself anymore. I can’t watch you poison yourself everyday anymore. I can’t watch you hurt and hurt and shove it all down anymore. I can’t do it. I can’t watch you be high anymore. I can’t look at you with your eyes drooping anymore. I can’t worry about you taking weird drugs and acid and wondering if you’re okay anymore. Cuz I’m not your girlfriend anymore, and i can’t be your friend either. But i hope you get such a friend soon. I hope you find a better person to look after you a little. Cuz I’ve watched too many of your “friends” just inable you to do dumb dangerous shit. I can’t watch it anymore

I’m not gunna fight for us to stay together. I’m not gunna ask you to reconsider. I’m gunna (try to) not reach out. I don’t wanna talk. Theres nothing more to say. Anything else, all of this, is just me being angry. And needing to get out anger, but it doesn’t ever need to see him. He doesn’t need to hear how I’m feeling. He doesn’t need to see me suffer. He doesn’t need to hear that I’m angry or sad or doing well. He feels enough guilt as it is, and i don’t need to add to it.

But i can still be angry. And i can still be sad. And at some point, I’m gunna do okay. Because that’s how this shit goes. You go up and you go down and you have friends, real friends, there to catch you. And i hope you do too.

For now, it’s too hard. It’s too hard to look at my instagram with pictures of you. It’s too hard to see your face. It’s too hard to think about what to do about your mom and sister that follow me. It’s too hard to think about if i want to take the pictures down.. cuz what if you do..

I guess i should probably sleep.. but i just feel really fucking hollow. And really fucking heavy. And really fucking tired. But really fucking sad... like really fucking sad..

And i bet he’s feeling none of it. Cuz that’s what he does. He pushes everything away and never talks about how things affect him.

As we were talking, he said that this was the most he’s cried in the past years combined. And considering the last year he had, that is really fucking sad. In some ways it’s nice to know i had a big impact, but also like.. god.. he needs to be talking to someone. He needs a therapist. He needs help. He says he doesn’t, but he does. We dated for 10 months and he couldn’t talk about his dad. We never talked about my past. He really scimmed the surface of what a connection should be, and that’s really sad. And he ended it before he could make some real improvement because he was getting better.. really slowly but he was.

Idk what to do with myself. Idk how to feel or what to say or who to say it to. I want to sleep and i want to do yoga tomorrow. And i want to figure it out from there.

[isaacathom]

ok so i think i have a spacesuit design though i might end up asking the discord for input. the helmet im really not sure on because its basically just a flight helmet (ill be real my reference was that one photo of cap marvel in her plane) and while that makes sense in the context of ‘these pilots fly jets’ it doesnt make sense in the context of ‘... in space’ because it offers no real oxygen protection. surely its main purpose SHOULD be that if anything goes horribly wrong (ie an alien fucking rams your spaceship and shatters your windscreen) you might actually live long enough to request assistance or tell command what the fuck is going on. if youre wearing just like.... a helmet. you cant do that

i guess im gonna have to go for like.... a motorcycle helmet sorta deal. like uhhh... me:a, actually, is my specific example. fucking hell i really do have a limited fucking breadth of scifi media i know enough about to reference, huh? christ. i mean it makes sense i just, hoo boy.

like i guess it depends on whether command thinks that necessary as standard wear. the suit is standard wear. do you need the full oxygen helmet as standard wear, or is that simply stored on your ship and accessible should the situation arise? cause i mean, with the ramming situation, you have a lot more problems than just oxygen, especially since you were in that cockpit when it happened. you’re like. fucked up, my dude. the helmet isnt gonna do you that much good at that point. but if its a smaller thing, like a good shot breaks your windscreen, thats a different scenario, because you as the pilot are fine, and would be able to like. do something about that. theoretically. arguably the bigger issue that oxygen is pressure the scenario (the vacuum of space is a bitch) and its like..... what possible situations could there be where that helmet, as an oxygen supply, would actually save your life? i guess if the oxygen supply on your ship dies, but the helmet surely doesnt have THAT much stored for on-the-go use. or just a leak? that isnt a full windscreen break? or, well, if you dock two ships together, your helmet having oxygen is probably smart because theres no way to guarantee that the ‘chute’ (which is how the ships dock) is fully sealed, right. but again, niche fucking circumstance, do you need to be wearing that helmet the whole time? docking your ships together in space in that manner is not anywhere near as common as docking in a probably pressured+oxygenated space port (ie, the base for the E+M Fleet)...

like do you NEED a full helmet. i guess its like, you might as well, right? cover the whole thing. its a warzone too, so i guess the potential situations where it would be needed are more frequent as a direct result of the conflict? i should probably give them the motorcycle helmets. fuckkkk alright