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catcherwrites · 3 months ago

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Welcome one and all to Part V of my Soren & Sarai fic, Captains of the Crownguard! I’m feeling very bittersweet about this one, considering it’s Sarai’s final chapter - but I hope you all like it.

The full chapter is below, but you can also find it here on AO3!

Sarai grapples with Harrow and Viren's decision to violate Xadia's border and kill the Magma Titan. Thankfully, she has someone who can inspire her to be the Captain, Queen, and mother, she hopes to be remembered as.

A Captain of the Crownguard puts themselves on the front lines, no matter how impossible the odds.

—————————————

Did Sarai look unbecoming for a Queen, sitting with her back against the crenellated wall of the rampart? Yes.

Did Sarai care? Not in the slightest. It wasn’t as though anyone would spot her up here now. On any other day, there would be a squad stationed across the parapets – but all that kept Sarai company was the chilly afternoon breeze and the cloud cover slowly spreading across the sky.

But today was far from normal. Because every last Crownguard was downstairs getting their updated assignments in preparation for crossing the border.

Her heart seized in a familiar way, where a multitude of clashing emotions demanded her attention. Sarai was heartbroken for Duren and its queens for being desperate, starving, and scared. She was glad that Harrow and Viren had welcomed them to Katolis so kindly and offered their assistance. But she was furious that their idea of ‘assistance’ was dark magic.

“It’s our only chance.” That had been what Harrow told her. He said it so casually, as though they had already exhausted every other option available to them. But Sarai disagreed. Surely there were treaties to be forged with the other kingdoms? Or another spell with different properties that wouldn’t require Katolis and Duren to violate Xadia’s borders in what might be seen as an act of war?

Taking the life of another, unprovoked, and dismissing any guilt by declaring that soul belonged to a monster? It was wrong. She knew it in her heart.

Sarai brushed a stray lock of dark hair away from her eyes. Her other hand splayed against the stone floor beneath her, a grounding source of comfort. She felt for the cracks and divots, letting her breathing even out.

In the silence, a new sound made itself known. The thump-thump-thump of someone coming up the spiral staircase and a telltale sigh of someone who was angry. Sarai got to her feet in preparation for the new arrival.

Joining her on top of the wall was a young boy – blonde hair unkempt and eyes blazing with fury as he stomped into the sunlight. Soren.

“It’s. So. Stupid!” he exclaimed, glaring at the ground as he stalked in Sarai’s direction. He clearly hadn’t noticed her yet.

“Good afternoon, Soren,” she said warmly. Instantly, Soren snapped to attention, finally taking notice of his Queen standing before him with a curious tilt of her head. The momentary shock passed over Soren and was quickly replaced with an embarrassed blush.

“U-uh hi! Queen Sarai!” he stammered. Soren bowed at a perfect right angle. “I’m so sorry for disturbing you, Your Majesty. I’ll head back downstairs.”

Sarai shook her head. “No, no, Soren. You’re alright.”

“But –”

“The air is fresh, and the view is lovely. I would be grateful to have some company.”

The boy still looked unsure of himself, so Sarai attempted to hide her own inner turmoil behind a soft smile. At this point, she would do anything to help Soren with whatever he had deemed ‘stupid.’ It was far better than wallowing in her own issues.

Soren, thankfully, seemed to take her smile at face value and made his way to her side. Together, they cast their eyes over the horizon, the afternoon sun cooling as clouds continued to gather overhead. From their vantage point, Sarai watched the surrounding trees, gently disturbed by the wind. Despite the relaxed atmosphere, Soren was still tense in the shoulders and clearly bothered by whatever was on his mind. And yet, he made no attempt to vocalise his obvious distress to Sarai.

She decided to broach the topic herself.

“Want to talk about it?” Sarai prompted him. Soren turned to look up at her with a bewildered expression – almost like he was surprised she cared enough to ask. Thanks to the magma titan plan, Sarai’s opinion of Katolis’ High Mage was already rather low, and seeing how perplexed Soren was at an adult asking for his thoughts and feelings only made that bitter feeling grow. What happened between Viren and Lissa was awful, but Viren’s growing coldness was clearly having an impact on the children. Once things had calmed down, Sarai knew she would have to sit down with the man and knock some sense into him.

“They won’t let me go to Xadia with them,” mumbled Soren. “Dad and King Harrow said I’m too little. That I’ll get hurt…”

Sarai nodded. “And that’s why you’re upset?”

“I’m really strong! And fast! I can help them beat up the monster; I know I could!” Soren pouted at her. Sarai swallowed hard at ‘monster,’ but made the choice to not pick that fight again. Soren was not at an appropriate age for debating the nuances of sentience. Instead, she placed a soft hand on the young boy’s cheek.

“You are young, Soren. I know I’m the last person you’d want to hear this from, but King Harrow and your father are right to forbid you from going to Xadia.”

“But you’ve been training me!”

“I have.” Sarai used the hand on Soren’s cheek to force him into looking at her. “That’s why I know you aren’t ready. The expedition is going to be incredibly dangerous. Lives may…” she hesitated for a second before amending the statement. Sarai knew the best-case scenario would still be tainted with death. “Lives will be lost, Soren.”

The intensity in her voice must have struck a chord in Soren. His watery blue eyes fell away from hers as he pieced together the graveness of the situation. Finally, something cracked in his expression.

Soren looked scared.

“…Is it gonna be really dangerous, Queen Sarai?” he whispered.

Sarai didn’t have the heart to lie to Soren. She nodded.

Soren’s frightened expression grew tense. “Will my dad be okay?”

“He’ll have the finest guards in the kingdom defending him.”

The Queen let her hand fall away from Soren’s face as a large bird of prey took flight from the forest, headed towards the coast. Sarai’s momentary distraction was cut off by a sound of curiosity from Soren.

“…Who’s going on the mission?” he asked her softly.

“Your father, King Harrow, Queen Annika and Queen Neha,” she rattled off slowly – confident that the four of them would insist on leading the charge themselves. “General Amaya, too, if I know my sister. As well as a small party of Crownguard and Battalion members, to protect them while keeping things covert.”

“Are you going?”

“No.” It was an ugly hill to die on, but Sarai wasn’t sure if she could let herself be part of the senseless violence. She couldn’t bear to look Callum or Ezran in the eyes, knowing she might have robbed another life of the chance to love and be loved. The others would appreciate her decision, eventually…she hoped.

Soren, on the other hand, clearly did not understand. He frantically tugged on Sarai’s tunic, his voice edging towards a shrill cry.

“No! You have to go!”

“Soren?”

“You’re the best Crownguard there ever was!” he protested. “They’ll all die without you!”

“Soren –”

“What if King Harrow dies? Does that mean Baby-Prince Ez has to be King? He’s just a little kid; that crown is way too big for his head! And what happens to me and Claudia if Dad gets killed? Do we have to go to Del Bar? I don’t wanna leave the castle! It’s my home! I’ll run away if they try to make me go, but Clauds –”

“Soren!” Sarai exclaimed worriedly, interrupting the boy’s anxious spiral. Soren’s chest was heaving erratically as tears cascaded down his flushed cheeks. Instinct took hold, and Sarai got to her knees in front of Soren and gently pulled him into her lap, slowly rocking back and forth in an effort to calm him.

She’d been in this position a few times before with Callum after he noticed Damian’s health declining. He feared what was happening to his father, and was even more terrified of something happening to Sarai, too. That anxiety created an unhappy, if ironic, ouroboros of irrational fear in Callum – that his struggling to breathe due to panic somehow meant he’d contracted Damian’s illness. That all three of them were going to die.

Much like Callum, Soren’s fear was too much for his young body to process, so Sarai soothed him the same way she soothed her own son. In the stillness of the breezy afternoon, high above the castle and away from prying eyes, she began to softly recite a familiar poem. It was one Sarai had memorised in the deepest, darkest nights of her life, when the bed felt colder, and emptier, than ever.

“The heaviest hearts weigh their vessel down

‘Til they leave the deepest tracks

The brightest souls’ light eyes, and hearts, and minds

But condemn their host to wax.”

“If dreams are mountains, reaching for the stars

Then hist’ry be the canyons

Eroded earth carved deep by weary lives

Shade banished by human suns.”

“So, I turn and glance o’er my shoulder

To witness my legacy

My trail running deep, my light burning out…”

Sarai whispered the stanzas as though they were a prayer, carried by the wind that buffeted the two of them. By the time she reached the final line, Soren’s breathing had slowed to normal, and he was staring up at her, eyes brimming with curiosity.

“…That sounded sad…does it have a happy ending?”

Sarai shook her head. “That is the ending; that’s how the poet left it.”

“But it doesn’t even rhyme?” Soren said, brows furrowed. “Why did the poet do that?”

“The poet was dying when he wrote it.” Sarai closed her eyes as she recalled Damian’s feeble smile. Even while bedridden, he’d muster all of his strength to give her that gift – a glimmer in his eyes and a crooked grin. “When I asked the poet about the ending, he told me ‘I have plenty of works that lay my soul bare for the world to see. I want my final piece of work to force everyone else to explore that deepest part of themselves, too.’ The poet wanted his parting gift to help others look back on the lives they’ve led and decide their final message to the world.”

“You have to…come up with the last line on your own?”

“That’s the idea.”

“So, what’s your line?” he innocently asked. Sarai paused, pondering for a moment.

“I don’t have one,” she admitted finally. “I thought I did, back when I believed I’d be nothing but a widowed Crownguard and a single mother. But then I fell in love with a prince – and now I’m not just a mother; I’m a wife again. And a queen. I don’t know my final line because I don’t know what my legacy will be anymore.”

Soren detached himself from Sarai’s lap, standing up and puffing out his chest. “You’re a hero, duh.”

Sarai chuckled, but with Soren’s simple declaration something within her shifted. He looked at her with such ferocious admiration. He believed, wholeheartedly, that Sarai could keep the others safe. By Lady Justice, she looked at Soren and wanted to be the hero he appeared to see.

She thought of her wedding vows to Harrow, and of the oaths she swore to Katolis when she was named its Queen. Would Sarai dare break her promise to stand by her husband and serve Katolis in all endeavours for the sake of her pride? Would she dare endanger lives to prove a point? Yes, Sarai wondered if she could look her sons in the eye after taking a life unprovoked – but could she live with herself if her inaction robbed Callum and Ezran of their father? She and Callum had already lost Damian, but that was to something she couldn’t prevent.

And how could Sarai go to sleep at night if, by refusing to go to Xadia, one of the others died? Amaya was her baby sister and her oldest companion; Sarai would be lost if she didn’t return safely. Queens Annika and Neha had a daughter waiting for them in Duren. Soren was distraught at the mere thought of losing Viren; of course he was, especially after losing Lissa the way he did! How could she stand by and let that grief become a potential reality?

Pride be damned. Sarai was needed on this mission. Her face steeled as she got to her feet.

“Crownguard to Crownguard, Soren, I want to make a deal.” Unsurprisingly, Soren was eager to agree when Sarai teased the title ‘Crownguard.’ He pounded a fist against his chest and tilted his chin in honour. Sarai smiled warmly and continued. “I swear I will do everything in my power to bring your father home safely from Xadia, but you must do something for me in return.”

“You will?” Soren blurted before he could stop himself. The boy’s eyes sparkled with gratitude. “Yes, thank you! What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to swear to me that you will protect Callum and Ezran in my stead until I return. Do you think you can do that? Watch over them for me?”

“That sounds like a hard mission,” Soren confessed.

Sarai nodded solemnly and placed her hands on Soren’s shoulders in a quiet gesture of comfort. “It won’t be easy,” she acknowledged, “but you are strong. I can think of no one better suited to keeping those boys safe, Soren.”

“Then I’ll do it.” He looked at her with determination. “I’ll protect them with all the lessons you taught me. I promise on both of our lives…y’know, since mine is pretty little, so it doesn’t mean as much?”

The two of them laughed together, and Soren rushed forward into a tight hug around Sarai’s waist, before spinning around on his heels, rearing to go.

“I’ll start guarding them now! Callum’s in his room, right?” he asked her.

“Yes, but make sure you knock first, alright? It’s the polite thing to do.”

Soren gave Sarai a thumbs up and began sprinting back towards the stairs, quickly disappearing into the shadows as he descended back into the castle.

She wasn’t sure if that boy would ever understand just how much she loved him like one of her own.

Filled with newfound resolution, Sarai leaned over the wall to peer down in the courtyard. There, she spotted General Amaya prepping her steed for the trip. Amaya was alone and facing away from Sarai, which made it difficult to catch her attention through conventional means. However, nothing could stop an annoying sister when she wanted to get her sibling to focus. Sarai smiled as she took off her crown and angled it carefully until it caught a ray of sunlight peeking through the clouds. Then, she strategically positioned it so the light reflected down into the courtyard next to Amaya.

Her little sister was perceptive as ever, and immediately snapped to attention. It took her only a moment to spot Sarai up on the wall.

Amaya tilted her head, bringing her fingers together in a curious motion. ‘What are you doing?’

‘Stall Harrow and Viren from leaving,’ Sarai signed, ‘I’m coming with you to Xadia.’

At that, Amaya smiled broadly. Sarai knew how disappointed her sister had been when she confessed that she wasn’t going. They always fought stronger when they were together. Hopefully, that strength could also extend to the others. Hopefully, Sarai would be able to keep her promise to Soren – and ensure everyone made it home safely.

——————

…She was riding…with Viren.

…Thunder had struck them…that was why her ears were ringing then, wasn’t it? Everything hurt. She couldn’t move – could barely breathe. How long had she been lying there?

“Come on,” a voice dimly yelled, “we have to run!”

Was Viren okay? Sarai made his son a promise.

Someone had their hands on Sarai’s shoulder and hip, rolling her onto her back. Viren, alive and mostly unharmed. Thank Lady Justice, Soren would be overjoyed to see his father return home. Sarai hoped she was smiling. She hoped Viren could see how glad she was that he was okay.

A hand was placed against her stomach, and even through the armour Sarai wore, a wave of agony pulsed from that point of contact. Almost immediately, she gritted her teeth and reached for the hand – clenching tightly as the pain mounted.

Her life wasn’t flashing before her eyes, as she’d heard the stories say. Instead, all she could think about was Damian’s poem. She hadn’t expected to reach the final verse so quickly, but here she was.

So, I turn and glance o’er my shoulder

To witness my legacy

My trail running deep, my light burning out…

Sarai’s gaze fell on Viren’s free hand, shaky, as he rummaged through his spell components, probably looking for a way to repair whatever damage Thunder had caused.

It was no use. She knew what was coming. Her vision was blurring, and the once all-encompassing pain was rapidly beginning to fade as numbness set in. Weakly, Sarai squeezed the hand Viren had been kind enough to leave interlocked with her own. His eyes shot to her, tears gathering like rain in fierce, grey storm clouds. Viren looked ready to say something, only stopping when Sarai barely shook her head and let out a soft but firm ‘no.’

She wasn’t afraid to die, but she was afraid of what her death would do to those closest to her. Callum, Ezran, Amaya, and Harrow. Viren, Soren, and Claudia. Wider Katolis, even.

And in that moment, that final breath before oblivion – the final line of Damian’s poem came to her.

…I hope they won’t follow me.

#i put a disproportionate amount of effort into the poem for what came out i think #but i did have fun using some symbolism and i’d always be happy to explain how i came up with the final thing #also: check out the ao3 chapter for a bonus haiku from soren!#the dragon prince #tdp fanfic #tdp sarai #tdp soren #tdp viren #catcher: captains of the crownguard #catcher writes (writes!)#continue the saga #give us the saga #greenlight arc 3

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