#funny granddaddy

[gypsy-01]

Best granddaddy ever

[belphieslavenderscentedpillow]

Obey me Boys as students

Thank you for the love on my other posts, every reblog, note and follower is appreciated!

Also feel free to request something!

This is more of a human high school AU, so there is more human talk than devildom.

There is a bit of Nsfw in asmodeus part, but other than that it’s pretty fluffy/maybe crack?

Lucifer

Straight A student, what did you expect?!?

But I’ll tell you, he’s honestly kind of annoying to be in a class with

He’s such a suck up without even ACTUALLY TRYING to be a suck up

When the teacher makes a mistake he 100% corrects them with no shame

But he’s still somehow a teachers pet

People hate him because they wanna be him fr fr

I honestly don’t think he’s naturally academically intelligent like belphegor or interested in subjects like Satan

The only reason why he actually tries is probably because he thinks failing academically is embarrassing

That being said I think he’s a hardworker, always practicing and learning

Definitely pulls all nighters regularly to finish assignments

Favourite subject is probably physics like a granddaddy

Has a very simplistic pencilcase in black with an ink pen

Mammon

Literal class clown

HE is the reason why class is low key fun

Everyone keeps saying he’s annoying but high key miss him when he’s not there

That being said he’s incredibly charismatic

I think he’s got lots of friends in class cause he’s super easy to be around and he’s funny asf

he’s probably one of the kids on the teachers “hate list”

Literally always gets picked on from teachers

Always goes red when they point out his mistakes but he turns it into a joke

I think he’s an average student but is crazy good at like music or something artsy

He’s that one kid who always ALWAYS forgets his stuff

If he’s lucky he might have a chewed up pen somewhere in his bag (maybe)

He’s definitely a pen biter you cannot change my mind

Leviathan

Oh boy

He’s a very shy kid, and honestly most people forget he’s there

Even the teachers which is kind of a good thing honestly

He sits in the back of the class and does his work calmly

Never talks like NEVER

Probably has one good friend in ONE class who he goofs off with but I think that’s honestly it

That being said there’s def some type of popular demon crushing on him

He has potential to be above average academically but I don’t think he cares enough

I think his favourite subject is art because he gets to practice drawing boobs I mean he gets to practice anatomy

Has a bunch of cool stationary from animes

Definitely has some sanrio type of stationary that he NEVER shares

Satan

A student that gives 110%

He would literally be the perfect student because he has this amazing combination of politeness, academic intelligence and actual academic INTEREST

would be if he didn’t absolutely despise all of the teachers

He knows more than the teachers so sitting in class is incredibly boring to him

Thinks the teachers have no teaching ability and knows he could teach this class better than them

He is such a good student for being such a bad student if you get what I mean

Super organized but not at all at the same time

Polite but disses the teachers- really it depends on the day

He loves all subjects but I think he’s a biology or maybe a literature guy wink wink

someone hc him to send answers in the groupchat while cussing them out- that is 100% Satan

He‘s probably super popular I mean, smart, pretty and a romantic- can’t get better than that! (Well lets skip over the anger issues)

Asmodeus

Your residential play boy/fuck boy!

But just add sweetness to the mix; like he makes sure the person knows his intentions before starting anything with him

That cute boy in class that has a bunch of friends and is super popular for an ACTUAL reason

He does literally EVERYTHING but pay attention

He‘s still a teachers pet though

Probably fucked a teacher to get through the year

Has a bunch of stationary and has really pretty notes even if he doesn’t know what anything means

His favourite subject is probably geography or design (art)

Beelzebub

Jock. What more is there to say?

He‘s not your typical jock, cause unlike all the other jocks he’s actually humble

(The sport bring fangol obvi)

That being said he’s crazy popular, because he’s athletic, cute, sweet, friendly and humble

People are all over him all. The. Time.

Yeah sure he might not have a whole bunch of brains and his grades are below average but at least he’s cute right???????

Yeah he’s not much of a academic person, like AT ALL- he only likes PE, maybe a little bit of art (cause it’s easy)

The teachers surprisingly don’t really care all that much about him- just a random student 🤷‍♀️

Belphegor

This little shit

He‘s that kid who is a genius for no reason what so ever

He reads the paragraph once and never again and still gets an A++++

He barely pays attention in class, skips like 60% of the time and still rivals Satan

Lucifer and Satan get pissy about it because he doesn’t even TRY

His fav subject is math because it’s just understanding a few rules and that’s it

His favourite saying is „mathematicians are lazy“, please tell me your teachers told you this too

He is so charming for no reason, and that makes him a little shit

All he has to do is smile and the person just melts

That being said a smile from him takes a lot of effort

He never takes his stuff to school so he just asks another person and they never hesitate to give him stuff

Teachers just don’t care about him since he barely shows up anyway 💀

Diavolo

Literally cannot focus in school

He‘s like a jock mixed with student body- super charismatic, super hot and reallyyyy popular

He‘s that one friend who has like a gazillion friends and says hi to someone every 2 minutes

But when he’s in class he cannot focus to save his life

At home he’s a mashine- finishing task after task but in school he gets distracted over every little thing

He has so many expensive items, shoes, pants, stationary EVEN HIS SOCKS

Nr.1 crush for literally anyone

Favorite subject is any social subject really

He‘s a pretty average student but his teamwork ability make him stand out

Teachers gossip about other students to him 😃

Barbatos

Straight A student, no one knows his methods

Diavolo is his best friend even if they are polar opposites

Very well liked, by students, teachers but he only willingly talks to diavolo and his crush we all know who wink wink

Very well organised, always has his stuff

Even the way he wears his uniform is neat

He‘s so mysterious…… which makes him kind of hot honestly

He probably doesn’t care about the attention though

Simeon

Ugh literally the perfect student

Smart, kind and charismatic

Literally a teachers pet

Probably is in a whole bunch of clubs

I could totally see him in the drama club

Favorite subjects; drama and literature

He probably reads shakespear in his lunch breaks

He never cusses in class- even when the teacher gets on everyone’s nerves

He has so many friends! Seriously it’s hard not to like him

That being said his weakness is computer science

Yeah not really his strong suit

Luke

Poor baby gets teased relentlessly

He is super cute though

is such a sweetheart genuinely

Don’t be mistaken if anyone actually has the guts to bully him, his 11 family members are ought to get them

He works really hard to get good grades and make Micheal and Simeon proud!

He‘s in the baking club and his favourite subject is probably science honestly

Solomon

This little shit (#2)

He‘s such a mixed bag of different student traits

He‘s lazy, but hard working

Social but introverted

Super popular but gets hated on

His favourite subject is science specifically chemistry

If you are in his chemistry class he‘ll pull some chemistry pick up lines to annoy you

He‘s also in the baking club which makes Luke get cold sweats every night

Also a huge shoutout to @kkeromenoo , thank you for the love!! Sadly I can’t respond to the comments 😭 someone pls tell me how it works..

I just also wanted to say sorry for the fact that 1) this post took so long and 2) some of the characters are shorter. Probably will edit this later, but again hope you enjoyed!

Proofread!

All credits go to @belphieslavenderscentedpillow

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for not wanting to go out for dinner with Granddaddy?

CW: long post

My (43, FtM) husband's (39,M) family experienced several very grievous losses, including my husband's stepdad and his maternal grandmother, in 2022. MIL is not taking things well, which is to be expected, but she has a tendency to use hubby's deceased dad against him if he can't or does not wish to do something (e.g. bursting into tears and going "I wish your dad was still here, he would have known how to fix the chainsaw and trimmed the trees!" "I wish your dad was still here, HE wouldn't have told me to call a plumber for the toilet!" Also going on utterly unrelated rants that upset everyone in our home and blaming it on her grief.) Worth noting she hasn't ever pulled these tricks with hubby's younger brother (27M) despite him living with her. Also worth noting that she has said some really nasty things about me, my gender and sexuality over the last few years simply because I encourage him to stand up for himself, and has apologised to him but never to me. Nonetheless, we are family and we abide. (This is relevant backstory, I do not need to be told she sucks, we been knew.)

PRESENT! Since Grandmother (hubby's grandmother, who hated me even more openly than MIL does for being trans and turning her grandson gay, and always played her kids, grandkids and great grandkids against each other) died, Granddaddy (84M, hubby's grandfather) has been a bit at sea. "NTA!" i can hear you shouting, but Granddaddy is actually a solid dude-- has never misgendered me, is unfailingly kind to me and has always made me feel like part of the family in a way *no one else* in hubby's family does. He's lovely, funny, intelligent-- used to work in aeronautics and loves that i love his sci fi books, and adores exchanging silly cheesy jokes with me when we hang out. He's *great!* 10/10 Granddaddy.

MIL is of the opinion that Graddaddy needs to be taken out to dinner *every night*. He can never have a night alone; he can never call an uber to go out by himself; and we certainly cannot make a meal and take it to his home to eat in. He MUST be taken out to dinner EVERY night because it's the only social interaction he gets.

It's killing our wallet, y'all-- we aren't poor, but we have three kids. We've whittled it down to us taking him out twice a week, but he doesn't want to go to McDonald's, he wants to go to the local Italian or fish place, and it's *not* cheap, especially when paying for six! MIL "takes him out" five times a week (which usually means dropping him off and going to the gym while he makes waitresses uncomfortable because he's from a different generation), but she has decided two days a week are on us (we aren't just going to drop him for play dates because that doesn't make him OR the waitstaff happy!). Mind, we never agreed to this-- she just decided it, and if we argue against it we get hysterics about hubby's dad.

I am autistic and truly do not like going out more than a couple times a month at most. I have urgently suggested that I could make dinner at Granddaddy's a couple times a month, but this is NOT acceptable according to MIL. We HAVE to go out, he's GRIEVING and LONELY, isn't he?

No, no one has actually asked Granddaddy how he would feel about this, and I am a monster for even asking them to.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[maculategiraffe]

this post just reminded me of an anecdote

we (my parents and my sister and the baby and me) were in my parents' car for a relatively long car trip and the baby had fallen asleep in his car seat and woken up cranky. and he said "ba need to go home. to mommy and daddy house. right now pees"

and my sister was like "we're on our way home to nana and granddaddy's house--" and he was like "NO NANA GRANDDADDY HOUSE!!! MOMMY DADDY HOUSE RIGHT NOW PEES"

and I was like "buddy we have to go to nana and grandaddy's house first because that's where mommy left her car. if we went to mommy and daddy's house first then mommy's car would still be at nana and granddaddy's house. and mommy needs her car." and he listened with furrowed brow

and my mom said to my sister "I mean if he's really miserable in the car we could just drop y'all off and then dad and I could bring your car to you later"

and the baby considered all this and then said VERY firmly, "NO do dat. go to nana and grandaddy house right now. mommy need mommy car."

and it was so cute that I laughed and said "[baby] you're so funny!!" and without looking at me he said in the same firm no-nonsense tone, "NO say dat."

[phoenix-king-ozai]

Honestly Ursa is just lucky Azulon didn't find out about those letters because he would incinerate Zuko, her and probably Azula just to be safe and beat Ozai's ass for being 'incompetent' enough to let his wife supposedly sneak out and get laid behind his back.

Yeah the comics make her moronic because she legit endangered everyone just to see if Ozai was reading her stuff.

Funny in a morbid way…

Ursa? Killed by her daddy-in-law! Zuko? Killed by his granddaddy! Azula? Killed by her granddaddy! Ozai? Ass beaten by his daddy! Iroh? Heartbroken and furious because of his daddy!

I affirmatively agree, that if Fire Lord Azulon found out and read about those letters then Zuko and Ursa definitely would be killed for treason if Ozai and Iroh had not stepped up in Ursa's defense. Fire Lord Azulon is extremely old and as Azula stated not as powerful as he used to be. Ozai most definitely would not let any harm come to his favorite child and daughter Azula. Probably would fight an Agni Kai in her defense. Ursa probably would have to beg Iroh and Ozai for protection for herself and Zuko. Ursa is extremely lucky that Ozai knows the truth that both Zuko and Azula are his children. Along with Ozai being willing to defend Azula at least and Iroh willing to defend Zuko.

To be frank and brutally honest. Ursa was extremely stupid for writing that the Fire Prince of the Fire Nation and fourth-in-line to the throne Zuko is an illegitimate bastard that she had with her lover Ikem during her marriage with Fire Prince Ozai and she is trying to pass him as Fire Lord Azulon's rightful grandson and Fire Prince Ozai’s rightful son. It would be very hard to convince Ozai to defend Ursa after she wrote some hateful, untrustworthy, unfaithful, and cruel lies about their child; claiming that he is another man’s son. If Ozai were to side with Azulon and probably the Fire Sages then Ursa and Zuko are roasted and toasted LITERALLY!

I am completely against and appalled by how the ATLA comic The Search made Ozai a completely inhuman monster and Ursa a complete moron. Ozai and Ursa are a heartless and idiotic himbo and bimbo couple in the comics, unfortunately…

[abbygrabska]

Twelfth Doctor Smut ~ Territorial

For: @toastvogel Plot: Maybe 12 sees the need to "mark his territory" after someone (alien,human, doesn't matter) get a bit too friendly with reader? I really just want to let you write what gets into your mind. As long as it's got 12 in it, I'm happy with everything ;) Tags: biting, belly bulge, hand, size kink

Word Count: 1178

Pulled all of this outta my pussy

You’re excited as you get dressed, you’re going to a Hollywood party in the 60’s with the Doctor.

You weren’t sure who the host is, but the Doctor seemed to know everyone, so it didn’t really matter.

You decide on a dark blue dress with stars littered all over it, a matching necklace and earrings, paired with silver heels. Your eye makeup matches the dress, and your lips have a clear coat of gloss covering them. 

Just as you finish applying the lip gloss, the Doctor knocks on the door frame.

“Come in.” You call out.

He walks in. He’s wearing a black suit, no tie in sight, though ties never were this face’s thing.

He stares at you, a strange look on his face.

You shift nervously under his gaze, “Is something wrong?”

“No.” He shifts his eyes away from you, “You ready to go?” “Yeah.” You stand, leaving the vanity and walking towards him.

He offers an arm for you to hold. 

You grin, hooking elbows with him, “Let’s go!”

He smiles, leading you out of the wardrobe and into the console room.

The Tardis has been parked on the lawn, near the fenceline of the property.

As you walk across the grass, you realize where you are.

Your grip on the Doctor’s arm tightens in excitement, “Are we at Marilyn Monroe’s house?”

“Yes. Funny story, I accidentally married her once. Thankfully she won’t recognize me.” He gestures to his face, “I’ve regenerated since then.”

“Good for you.”

The two of you join the party seamlessly.

At some point the Doctor wanders off, you don’t question it, he does that occasionally.

“That dress sure is something.” You hear a Southern accent say from behind you. You turn around, it’s Elvis Presley.

“Oh, thank you.” You smile, fluffing the skirt slightly. He pulls out a cigarette, offering you one. 

You shake your head, politely denying it.

“Suit yourself.” He lights one, taking a drag before exhaling, “I don’t reckon I’ve seen you before. Who’d you come here with?” “My friend, the Doctor. He’s around here somewhere.” You glance around the backyard. “Why don’t I keep you company until he comes back?” He smirks, offering a hand.

You hesitate, nerves filling you.

“Is there a problem here?” You hear the Scottish lilt of the Doctor from behind you and relax.

“This is your friend?” Elvis asks.

“Date actually.” The Doctor corrects, putting a hand on your waist.

Elvis chuckles, “Sweetheart, he’s old enough to be your great-granddaddy. Why don’t you and I go somewhere and have a little fun?” The Doctor’s grip tightens on your waist, “What would Priscilla think of you having ‘fun’ with another woman?”

Elvis frowns, pulling his cigarette from his mouth, “How’d you know ‘bout Priscilla?”

“Same way everyone else does.” The Doctor responds vaguely, “Ready to go?” He looks at you.

You nod, and he starts to lead you away.

“Hold it now.” Elvis starts to walk after you two.

He grabs your arm.

The reaction is instant, the Doctor turns and punches Elvis in the face, knocking him over.

You hear several people gasp as the Doctor takes you back to the Tardis.

The doors shut and he pulls you back against his chest.

“Doctor?” He is silent, grabbing your hair and pulling your head to the side, he presses his mouth to your neck and bites down.

A cry escapes you, “What are you doing?”

“Making sure everyone will know who you belong to next time.” He grabs your waist and spins you around, throwing you over his shoulder.

You gasp, “What’s gotten into you?!”

He starts walking through the Tardis, ignoring your question as he takes your shoes off.

He kicks open a door and enters, throwing you on the bed.

You look at him bewildered as he crawls on top of you, bunching your skirt up at your waist.

He grabs your underwear and rips them apart.

Heat floods your face as he shoves two fingers in your mouth, “Suck.”

You do, taken aback.

He pulls his fingers out and starts rubbing at your clit with his thumb, sliding his fingers into your hole.

You gasp at the intrusion, going to grab his arm, only for his free hand to come up and pin your arms above your head.

He looks down at you, an angry look in his eyes, “No touching without permission.”

His thumb rubs tight circles into the flesh as his fingers fuck you.

A coil forms in your stomach, tightening rapidly as his fast pace continues.

Your eyes start to shut, a hand grips your face, your eyes shoot open.

“You’re going to look at me when I make you cum.” He grins wolfishly, sliding a third finger into your warmth.

You let out breathy pants, an orgasm rapidly approaching.

His eyes bore into yours as tears form.

Moans escape you as your walls tighten around his fingers, cumming loudly

Once your cunt releases his fingers he pulls them out, licking them clean.

He stands, stripping himself of his suit coat, unbuttoning his shirt, and unbuckling his belt.

He pushes his trousers and underwear down until his cock slaps against his stomach.

He pumps his cock slowly, flipping you over on your stomach., “I’m going to fuck you now, and you’re going to take it, like a good little girl.”

He lines up with your cunt, pushing in until he’s balls deep.

You can feel him in your stomach.

The Doctor slides his hand underneath you, his hand flat against the subtle bulge, pushing down, watching you squirm, “Oh, am I too big for your poor little pussy?” He taunts, pulling out until the bulge disappears before pushing back in roughly.

You cry out.

He grins against your neck, biting down.

He pistons his hips against you, balls slapping your clit with every thrust.

A second orgasm is forming quickly in the pit of your stomach, walls starting to clench around the Doctor’s cock.

“Your poor little pussy. Squeezing me like a vice, it can barely take my big cock, can it?” He taunts, fingers finding your clit and rubbing slowly, “I’m so deep you’ll feel me for days after I’m done. And believe me, I’m not stopping until my cum is dripping out of you.” His thrusts get rougher, fingers rubbing faster, “Everyone is going to know who you belong to when I’m finished.” 

His hips hit your ass at a bruising pace.

“Doctor!” You cry, “It hurts.” “Oh, boo hoo.” He shoves your head against the bed, the frame shaking as he fucks you.

Your walls tighten around him, cumming with a violent moan.

He grabs your hair, pulling your head up, pressing a searing kiss to your mouth.

His hips press into yours firmly as he shoots inside your womb, continuing to fuck you through his orgasm.

Your thighs tremble as he rubs your clit hard and fast, giving you a third orgasm, screaming into his mouth.

His thrusts slow to a stop, body collapsing onto yours.

Your eyes slowly close, exhausted.

[ahedderick]

Nothing happened quite like I thought it would today, but I did get a short walk in the woods with doggos before Hero's dinner time. Last weekend's snow is melted, and everything is fairly muddy, but the mosses are luxuriant and fresh-looking.

The little spring-fed run is full and bubbling. Decades ago someone, not me, laid a large board across the run for reasons unknown. The water is narrow enough to step over, but the minibridge has lasted all these years, decorated with lichens. Even for black locust that is an impressive amount of time to stay intact and unrotted.

There is one patch of crowsfoot on the whole property; but I'm happy to say it has about tripled in size since I moved here.

They are one of the types of clubmoss, that neat group of older-than-dinosaurs plants.

(Your granddaddies ruled the earth, once, remember?)

This is just funny. How many different endings can we slap on this root-word?

[bumblebeerror]

It’s important to me to ask. Okay. I need to ask.

Y’all understand that the “farming family gettin their farm taken away bc their crops failed” thing isn’t like. It’s not a haha funnie trope for country songs right

It’s important to me that you look deep into my eyes and understand: the reason farmers have to fear that so much that their very music talks about them literally fighting for their land is because a lot of farming families live on government owned land.

They are told what crops to grow and when. They’re required to pay a certain amount from the sale of their harvest to the government. They’re subsidies. They don’t actually own that land that their lives were built on.

What happened was that they had a bad enough string of harvests back when great granddaddy and grandpa were working the land that they had to sell the land to the government to cover their debts.

Failure to pay what is essentially rent, means that land that’s been lived on and built on and worked for generations is ripped away from them and this isn’t a Great Depression Dust Bowl problem!!

This is a right here, right now problem. This is a constant, massive, trapping worry for these people. They owe the government money. Sometimes it’s so much money that the government evicts them and auctions off the land to the highest bidder in order to cover those debts.

The difference between the dust bowl and today is that during the Great Depression, the folks who showed up to those auctions sometimes staged protests in the form of bidding pennies at a time, in an effort to allow the family to buy back their land for cheap and escape their subsidy.

This system is real. It’s essentially the same sort of deal old kings and barons and lords had with the people they governed - work the land, sell it, and pay me a cut because it’s my land you’re living on.

And that’s why. That’s why this idea of losing the farm is such a constant subject of rural art and culture. That’s why. Y’all know that. Right?

[lewis-winters]

The whole Web-Nix-Buck thing is very "Recognition Through The Other (Derogatory)" and its great. Also they're all from different schools so that rivalry plays into it, which is funny considering a) Nix couldn't give less of a shit about Stanford, b) Buck's the only one who cares about college football, and c) nobody else watching this can tell the difference anyway. - Nathan

ONCE AGAIN MY FAVORITE RED HEAD YOU ARE SO CORRECT!! it's recognition!! it's self-loathing!! it's competition!!!! it's a study in shame!! not to speculate, but i have a feeling a part of them feels that particular middle class guilt at their upbringing, especially when surrounded by enlisted men who have had to fight tooth and nail for everything that they have!! and these 3 all have it, it's just each one disagreed with how the others managed it or grappled with it in order to either fit in or blend in.

and like. you are ALSO so correct about the schools thing-- it's so funny because they went to college for WILDLY different things and different reasons, and so their contempt for each other being fueled by simple rivalry of ivy leagues (which is largely borne in football and sports-- of which neither web nor nix care about, but buck's whole life is built around) is simply SO FUCKING FUNNY.

Web cares about schooling AND was probably talked into like. legacy enrolments and some such-- he's the type to have gone to harvard because, yeah ok it's prestigious and his parents would have LOVED to brag about it to their friends, but also the course work actually has merit and the curriculum makes the most sense and the job opportunities in the end would be a lot and the chances of getting accepted into academe is high--

meanwhile, buck chose to go to UCLA for the football program + his pre-law, and then later took post grad in Loyola Law and became a really successful lawyer so he clearly chose very carefully!!

MEANWHILE, nix chose yale because. well. his granddaddy went to yale, his daddy went to yale, so i guess he should too? nixon legacy, amirite? even if he didn't want it or want to be associated with it or even if he actually chose to go to yale for any substantial reason. the fact that he maybe didn't go back after the war (idk his wiki page says he was just there for 2 years but of course that's not the best resource) just goes to show how little it actually meant to him.

these 3 went to these big ivy league colleges for varying reasons AND YET the idea of them refusing to admit that they find each other annoying bc they are mirrors of each other that they see their worst traits in, and instead hiding behind the idea of rivalrly between differing ivy league schools all but one of them has any business in caring about in makes me laugh so fucking hard. it is the single most 20-something, middle to rich class, white male bullshit i have ever heard it is SO fucking funny i can't. get your shit together, pls. it's embarrassing for the rest of us!!

[matttgirlies]

Matt & Me🎀

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

a story heavily based on Priscilla Presley’s Book “Elvis & Me” based in the 1950’s - 1970’s.

fem! reader x singer! matt

disclaimer!! - in no way am i saying matt would ever support or do these kind of things, for the sake of the book certain unethical things do happen at times.

warnings - none

y/nn = your nickname for any confusion🩷

Chapter 19

Matt and I often talked of having children, but we certainly weren’t planning on having them right away. Then one day we were at the ranch. It was early afternoon and Matt was still asleep. I lay in bed and felt a strange sensation in my stomach, a sensation I’d never felt before. I lay staring at the ceiling. No—it couldn’t be. Again, the same feeling. I slid out of bed. I’ll call Patsy, I thought. She’d know. I went to the phone in the next room.

“Patsy, when you found out you were pregnant, did you feel strange?”

“Strange like what?”

“You know. I mean, what did you feel?”

“Well, I missed my period.”

“But didn’t you feel something in your body, something strange?”

“I really don’t remember, y/n. Why?”

“Because I think I’m pregnant. I know I am. I’ve never felt this before.”

“Maybe it’s nerves.”

“No—I just have a funny feeling. I’ll talk to you later.”

I didn’t tell Matt right away: I couldn’t. But he saw that I was quiet and preoccupied.

If I were pregnant, I knew that our plans to travel would have to be postponed. I wouldn’t be able to head off to some exotic locale and leave my child with nurses and maids. For the first year, I truly wanted to be alone with Matt, without any responsibilities or obligations.

For a few days I was angry with Matt. Before the wedding I asked him if I should start taking birth-control pills, but he had been adamantly against it.

“They’re not good for you. I really don’t want you taking them. They’re not perfected yet, Baby. There’s all kinds of side effects.”

A week passed before I told Matt my suspicions. I expected him to react with the same mixed emotions I’d felt, but he was ecstatic. He made arrangements for me to see a doctor right away, accompanied me to the doctor’s office, and sat anxiously in the waiting room while I was examined.

When I came out I put my arms around him and said, “Guess what?”

“What? What?” He was barely able to contain himself.

“You’re going to be a dad.”

He couldn’t believe it and immediately wanted to tell everyone. Just then his father, who had driven over with us, came into the room. Matt grabbed him.

“Dad, you won’t believe this. y/nn’s gonna have a baby. You’re gonna be a grandad.”

“Good Lord Almighty,” James said, stunned. “You’re kiddin’ me.”

“No, Dad. We’re telling you the truth.” Then Matt teased him, saying, “You’re going to be a gray-headed granddaddy.”

I loved seeing Matt happy, but I was still uncertain about how my unexpected pregnancy would affect our marriage. This was supposed to have been our time alone. I wanted to be beautiful for him; instead, my debut as Matt’s bride was going to be spoiled by a fat stomach, puffy face, and swollen feet.

As far as I was concerned, the less people mentioned about my looking pregnant, the better. I intended to prove that a pregnant woman did not have to get fat. I wanted to refute Matt’s claim that “women use the excuse of their pregnancy to let themselves go.” Although the doctor said that a twenty five-pound gain would be fine, I immediately dropped from my normal one hundred ten pounds to one hundred. During the next four months, I regained just five pounds, and only nine more by the time of delivery. Eating one meal a day and snacking on apples and hardboiled eggs, I prided myself on never needing to buy a maternity outfit. My doctor advised that in addition to taking multiple vitamins I should consume plenty of dairy products. Being vain, I amended my doctor’s instructions and lessened my intake of dairy products. I did not want to gain weight and get stretch marks. As a further precaution I resolved to slather myself with cocoa butter for the next eight months.

A few days after I learned I was pregnant, we left Boston for L.A., where Matt was to begin preproduction on a new film, Speedway. It was to be the last drive in our customized bus before it was sold. During the trip, Matt and the guys had a ball, punching each other and playing practical jokes. I played photographer, clicking away at everyone. But when I kept smiling and laughing I still felt very ambivalent about my pregnancy. I wanted a baby, just not so soon.

Matt was extremely sensitive to my moods. He missed his little girl’s “twinkling eyes,” her “bright, smiling face.” Finally, in Flagstaff, Arizona, at a small roadside inn, he sat me down and said, “What do you want to do, Little One?”

I broke down and answered, “I don’t know. What can I do?”

“What do you think?” he said. “I’ll back you up whatever you want to do.”

Instantly I knew what he was talking about. He was leaving the decision up to me. “It’s our baby,” I said, sobbing. “I could never live with myself, neither could you.”

There were no words, only his smile of approval; he held me tightly in his arms as I cried. The two of us, bound by love, accepted our new little creation wholeheartedly.

When I first felt my baby move I suddenly understood the full joy of carrying our child. My smile returned when Matt delicately placed his hand on my slightly swollen stomach and said, “How can such a little person carry another little person?” The pregnancy was bringing us closer. He would call me from the studio every day, just to say hello and make sure I was fine. It was because of the baby that we decided to buy our first home in Los Angeles instead of leasing as we’d done in the past. While he was filming I searched the Beverly Hills-Bel Air area for a place that would suit us.

Later that fall, when we were in Arizona for location filming on “Stay Away, Joe”, I saw an advertisement in Variety for a house that sounded perfect: a beautiful home in Trousdale Estates, completely furnished, three bedrooms, a guest cottage, pool, and good security.

I flew back to L.A. The house was owned by a prominent landowner who was recently divorced. With a built-in bar, antique furnishings, and collectors’ art, it was a far cry from Rocca Place, where each room was decorated to each employee’s specification—a different carpet, a different color, a different style in each room. Unfortunately, I’d tried to satisfy everyone’s taste, and architectural indigestion was the result. This time I would be able to live with everything the way I liked.

As soon as Matt returned from Arizona we moved into our new home and began preparing a room for our baby. All I could think about was how happy I was, how wonderful life was.

Naturally, I got a lot of advice about what I should and shouldn’t do while I was pregnant. Steeped in her Southern superstitions, Grandma was especially solicitous, telling me I couldn’t brush my hair over my head or else I would wrap the umbilical cord around the baby. She also said I shouldn’t stand on my feet too long or my legs would swell and I wouldn’t be able to walk again. She was as concerned as any doting mother and some of my activities gave her reason to worry. I still kept up with my ballet, rode my motorcycle and my horse Domino, right up until the eighth month of pregnancy. Matt thought I was absolutely incredible to keep up with him in every way. That made me happy. I was pleasing him and still by his side every day.

Then I began hearing rumors about Matt and Madison Beer, the same rumors that I had read about in Germany: that she had a passionate crush on him, that they were having an affair. I was extremely sensitive and quick to cry. Matt assured me that I was just being oversensitive because of my condition. I agreed. Six months into my pregnancy Madison called and said she’d like to give me a baby shower. I didn’t know her that well and thought it a little strange that she was so accommodating. But Matt assured me that she was very nice and that I should get to know her. It was agreed that I would go to the shower under one condition, which Colonel suggested: All the pictures that were taken that day were to be handed over to me. That way, there’d be no shots popping up in the national movie magazines. It turned out quite nicely. Madison was very friendly and very supportive. I found that I liked her and I decided to ignore the rumors.

Life takes such surprising turns. Just when you’re getting confident, along comes the unexpected. I was upstairs at Graceland when Matt called me to his office, the one adjoining my dressing room. “y/nn, I have to have time to think. Things just aren’t going right. It’ll be good for the two of us to take a little time off, like a trial separation. Be apart from one another for a while.”

I wanted to die. I was seven months along and could not believe what I was hearing. It had to be a joke. “What are you saying? What did I do?”

“You didn’t do anything, Baby. You don’t understand. It’s not you. It’s just that I’m going through some things. I think it’d be better if we took a little break.”

I looked at him in silence, feeling a new strength. If he excluded me at this time, then he didn’t deserve me at all. I stood up and said, “You’ve got it. Just tell me when to leave.” I went into my dressing room and closed the door.

I was numb. This was not the man I knew. I instinctively withdrew, my affection numbed, my thoughts suspicious, my heart aching.

I don’t think Matt really intended to leave me. It wasn’t his style. I later realized he too had questions about how a baby would affect his life. Would his public accept him as a father? He wasn’t even sure if his fans had adapted to his becoming a husband. How loyal would they be?

Within a short time Matt’s sensitive nature brought him back to his senses. Two days had passed. The idea of a trial separation was never mentioned again. We both acted as if nothing had been said. It was at times like this that I wished Matt and I had the ability to truly communicate with each other, to confront our insecurities, fears, and frustrations instead of pretending these feelings weren’t there. We probably would have been surprised at how much understanding we both really had. I could not escape the impact his words had on me, leaving me with a sense of doubt.

As my pregnancy progressed, we still played hard. I wanted to be included in everything that everyone else did. That Christmas we went to the ranch and rode horses, had snowball fights and went on hayrides. Matt would sit up front in the wagon and call out to me, “How you doing, y/nn? That’s my girl. How’s she doing back there?”

I’d call back, “She’s doing pretty good. I’m okay.”

If we’d go horseback riding, he’d always ask me, “Are you sure you can do this? Did the doctor say you could?”

“Yes,” I’d answer. “I can do it.”

I was determined not to ask for special treatment.

It was only in the last month or so that I slowed down at all. Instead of sitting through two or three films a night, Matt would take me home after just one.

He arranged his schedule so that he could be home with me at Graceland during the final month. To be absolutely prepared for the big day, we even performed practice drills for the trip to Baptist Memorial Hospital. As my time drew near, Matt became more and more nervous.

On February 1, 1968, I awoke about eight o’clock and found the bed beneath me soaking wet. Frightened, I called my mother in New Jersey and she suggested I ring the doctor immediately. He told me to head straight for the hospital. I gently woke Matt up and told him the big day had arrived. Matt groggily asked me if I was sure. When I said yes, he called James and told him to notify everyone, then yelled downstairs, “She’s ready! y/nn is going to have the baby!”

Ignoring his frenzy, I disappeared calmly into the bathroom and applied my ever-so-black mascara and teased my ever-so-black hair. Later at the hospital I requested special permission to keep on my double set of lashes.

Downstairs there was pandemonium. As planned, the decoy cars raced off first, Steven and Nate frantically waving for the fans to follow them. Then we took off, but despite the rehearsals we headed straight for the wrong hospital. We had changed hospitals, but obviously Jerry, who was driving, hadn’t been informed. Charlie Hodge saved the day, convincing Jerry it was Baptist Memorial, not Methodist. Luckily we arrived in time.

Our daughter, Charlotte Grace, was born at 5:01 that afternoon. The nurse brought her into my room and I cradled her in my arms. I couldn’t believe she was mine, that I had borne this child. She was so tiny, so beautiful. Matt came into the room and kissed me, thrilled that we had a perfectly normal, healthy baby. He was already in love with her. He watched me holding her and his eyes misted with happiness. Then he took us both in his arms and held us.

“Baby,” he whispered, “We have a little baby girl.”

“I know,” I whispered back.

I asked if he wanted to hold her. He looked petrified at first, but then he started to touch her. He played with her hands, her feet. He was in awe, saying, “I can’t believe that I made part of this beautiful child.” Matt knew that I had wanted the baby to have dark hair like his, and Charlotte had been born with lots of silky black hair. “She’s so perfect,” he said, “even the color of her hair is right.”

We stayed in each other’s arms for a long time, caressing our infant and each other, a young couple sharing the first pleasures of parenthood.

The man in my hospital room that day was the man I loved, and will always love. He didn’t have to try to be strong and decisive or sexy, he wasn’t afraid to show his warmth or vulnerability. He didn’t have to act the part of Matt Sturniolo, superstar. He was just a man, my husband.

Excerpt from: "Elvis and Me" by Priscilla Beaulieu Presley. Scribd. This material may be protected by copyright.

a/n - this is the cutest chapter ill write i swear its so so cute🎀

[ariscats]

Jameson Hawthorne POV in The Brothers Hawthorne, why so different?

Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of ppl who dint liked or enjoyed jamesons pov in the new book, the brothers hawthorne, as it felt “rushed” or “flat” to some ppl, and im not here to try to change or fight w you, only to explain why it felt like this.

If you just want the reason, its bc the emotional side of Jameson wasnt worked with bc it wasnt necessary to the purpose of the book and the new triology, but there is an explanation for this.

First of all, Jamesons character already went thought his character arc in the main triology, so when JLB was writing his pov, she dint “care” at all for his emotions, only on the characters on his plot line. Its hard to say now as the new triology (the grandest game) isnt out yet but you cannot say that the characters on jamesons game (the adult ones) wont appear again, JLB let too many open windows to not.

We also have to understand that TBH wasnt necessarily a book on its own in question of character and plot ( i swear to god the day i find the mtf that said it was ok to sell TBH as a standalone) but a rl long prologue to the new saga, so my theory is that when TGG come out, jameson plot line will make much more sense as it will actually have some use.

In my opinion, this is what JBL needed to do, and was thinking, when she wrote the book:

- need to finish grayson character arc as it will be essential to the next saga (he’ll be one of the mc there)

- need to introduce the characters from the Devils Mercy and their secrets as we’ll need to already know they exist for The Grandest Game

In conclusion, Jamesons pov dint rl need its emotional part bc, theoretically, that part was already finished in the main saga. Was it rl finished? For the purpose of what we were presented in tig (the trauma of his relasionship w emily) yes. (but it was rl funny how she wrote 3 book abt jameson and grayson trauma w emily only to mention it twice in flashbacks on their books)

But for the purpose of his family trauma? his so called granddaddy issues? no. So JBL needed to fix that, but i think its clear that she prioritized the plot over his family (mother and fathers side) problems, but that can also be explained.

JBL needed to write two very different plot lines with as little pages as she could, bc lets be honest, no ones wants to read +500 pages books, specially coming from the TIG universe, that is sold as a fast read bc of its short chapters. That means she needed to present all of the things that will be important to the next book AND she needed to finish Grayson character arc as 1- itll be important to the next book 2- there as a popular request to it since THL, and it grew so much after TFG, she just needed to work a LOT w him and w that, jameson got put aside and his pov often felt more of an observer than a character.

honestly? i dont think its that bad as ppl are talking, i see and understand the reasons that ppl dint liked it but i spend to much time overanalyzing it to not like it.

not relevant to this post but if you read until here just be aware that the understanding i have for jameson “hate” in TBH, i dont have for whoever is talking abt my n1 girl Avery Grambs. Im sorry if you thought she was “boring” in this book, again this is your opinion and blablabla and genuine not trying to offend you, but she wasnt. im sorry, she just wasnt, it was simply not her book.

and again this isnt an insult to ANYONE, dont feel offended by anything i said, im not trying to change your mind or fight w you.

[nancywheeeler]

omg!! please share what other heist films you watched, that’s such a fun idea. and which was your fav!!!!

i would love to share my watchlist for heist week!! all are films before 1970, because i wanted to watch heists new to me, but i'll also include some modern heist movies i love at the bottom!

The Asphalt Jungle (1950) — the granddaddy of the heist genre. it's really good! and it has every aspect of the heist (the planning, the execution, and the fallout), which i love.

The Lavender Hill Mob (1951) — so goofy and fun. features fantastic Alec Guinness performance and some great screwball elements (one of the final sequences reminded me a lot of the climax of What's Up, Doc.)

Ocean's Eleven (1960) — eh. I felt the problems were threefold: 1) took forever just to get to the heist, 2) all the guys looked the same and most did not have a defining role in the heist, and 3) Hay's Code ending. It's not terrible, but not worth watching when there is a far superior remake.

The League of Gentlemen (1960) — i can often be found on letterboxd bemoaning the fact there is probably an alternate universe where monty python made a heist movie and we're not in that universe. but! this film is definitely the closest we're gonna get. similar to the lavender hill mob in that they're both very british and very, very funny. really loved the level of shenanigans going here.

Gambit (1966) — my favorite of the week! it's a smaller heist (three person crew), but the film really plays with the idea of expectation vs. actual execution, and the assumptions white british guys make about, among other things, everyone who is not also a white british guy. bonus: shirley maclaine and michael caine have incredible chemistry. a great watch! highly recommend!

The Thomas Crown Affair (1968) — love when hot people commit crimes and other hot people try to stop them. the pacing here is a bit wonky, but it has a slick, sexy opening sequence and i'll never say no to a cat and mouse game. the heisting is definitely secondary though, just so you know that going in.

All the Heists I Loved Before: The Killing (1956), The Italian Job (1969), Sneakers (1992), Ocean's 11 (2001), Inception (2010), The Town (2010), Logan Lucky (2017), American Animals (2018), Ocean's 8 (2018)

[simyanzce]

fathaaaa’s day 🫃🏾🏌🏾

It’s Father’s Day in my game so you know what that means— it’s time to meet the men of the Sheridann Save!

Ronnie Sheridann (60) 👨🏽‍⚕️

Husband to Toni— Father to Camille, Angel, and Naomi.

The true definition of a girl dad! Ronnie is the patriarch of the family with high hopes and aspirations for all of his descendants, especially his beautiful daughters. He’s a general surgeon at Willow Creek Hospital, where he’s been working for nearly 25 years! Ronnie’s old school approach to parenting and strict nature can sometimes lead to friction within the family, but he always means well. A proper gentleman, Ronnie spends his free time romancing his wife of over 40 years, restoring vintage cars, and being the best granddaddy a kid could ask for. 💙

Trevor Richmond (34) ⛹🏽

Husband to Angel- Father to Indigo, Ivy, and Isaiah.

Trevor is a gentle giant that hails from Simaica, a little Caribbean island off the coast of Sulani! Cool and reserved, Trevor is a man of very few words and typically lets his passions and creativity speak for him. In the daytime you can find him tattooing away at his own shop, Eclipse Ink! At night you can find him on total dad duty— cooking dinner for the family, helping with homework, and if there’s enough time left before bedtime, playing dollhouse with his favorite munchkins. 🤎

Corey Bron (36) 🧗🏽

Husband to Camille— Father to Cobe, Camrynn, and Carter.

Corey is an active father in more ways than one! As an adrenaline junkie and self proclaimed outdoor aficionado, Corey spends all the time he can teaching his kids the importance of having fun and being resourceful. Whether it’s catching fresh fish for the family barbecue, camping in granite falls, or skiing in the mountains, if it’s a challenge, he’s there. A true man of his passions, he supports his family as a professional soccer player and loves to practice game moves with his mini me’s on the weekends. 🩶

Jayceon Stevens (29) 🎼

Ex-boyfriend of Naomi— Father to Daquan, Amaya, and Rza.

If you looked up the definition of complicated relationships in the dictionary, you’d find a picture of Jayceon staring back at you. The mothers of his children can attest to his character— funny, smart, and wildly immature. A father from a very young age, Jayceon still hasn’t quite grasped what it means to be responsible. As his music career as a producer and songwriter is steadily inching its way to viability, his ideas of grandeur sometimes come at the cost of spending time with his three adorable kids (or being the co-parent that he wants to be). With much encouragement from the men in his life, Jayceon has been making an effort to spend more quality time with his children, and vows that he will continue to step up to the plate. 🖤

[lord-of-the-harvest]

GILF Ren this, GrandDaddy Ren that-

Guys…Ren’s only 47, my parents were in their late 30s/early 40s when they had ME

Sure I guess he could be a granddaddy??

Don’t get me wrong, the memes are great and it’s funny as hell, but my beloveds-he ain’t THAT old lol

He’s barely even going gray!! I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s due to stress and unresolved trauma rather than actual aging!!

[maculategiraffe]

baby and I were cutting pictures out of magazines with his little scissors and taping them onto craft paper with scotch tape and he stopped and looked at the tape and said "it [the tape dispenser] is purple. nana and granddaddy have tape that is green."

and I had just cut out a picture of some green grapes and I said "look, these are green too! and what other color can grapes be?"

and he said "purple!"

and I said "that's funny, grapes and tape can both be purple or green! and grape rhymes with tape! you could write a song about that"

and he considered that really seriously for a second and then said "ba would have to write a story about that"

[dark-elf-writes]

Absolutely. Goddamn that’s so perfect.

Danzo could be a whole “my great, great, great, great granddaddy once told me” ass bitch. A “I do declare Mr. Senator” mother fucker if you will.

And him trying to bring up old shit with people that moved out of Konoha is so funny to me. Like,,,kakashi not even living in the small town anymore and this mf tracking him down like heyyyyyy I could rly use your vote $-$

Kakashi living his best life just barely within Konoha’s jurisdiction with his kid and 8 dogs only to get the most nepo baby to ever nepo baby to knock on his door and tell him his lawn is half a centimeter too long like he doesn’t live in the middle of the fucking woods.

A “your granddaddy would be mighty displeased” bitch. A “we need to think of the image of the village you see” mother fucker. An HOA given physical form (despite the fact that kakashi, again, lives in the woods and is very much not a part of an HOA)

Kakashi couldn’t give less of a fuck. He keeps showing his tattoos and makes sure to rev his bike extra loud whenever he passes Danzo’s house just to piss him off. 90% of the complaints on file about “Local Motorcyclists” are Danzo bitching about Kakashi and the overwhelmingly Uchiha heavy police department are taking bets for which one Itachi, who is somehow always the one that has to do all the paperwork, decides to hunt for for sport first.