#furry Fandom gonna come and learn me some facts I suppose

[shaywrites-ifs]

not all monsterfuckers are furries. i mean i'm a monsterfucker but i don't have a mascot/fursona

I mean I never really considered having a fursona a requirement for a furry. just thought you had to enjoy anthro animals? am I wrong y'all?

[tarithenurse]

Nightingale - 46

Fandom: Naruto Pairing: Hatake Kakashi &/x Fem!OC Contents: Fluff, feels, angst, few NSFW hints, reference to past events. A/N: Oho? Another chapter? Well, I hope you enjoy it. ASK or REBLOG for tag! HUUUGE thanks to all who are reblogging already <3

Ch. 46

Packing their belongings had been quick and it only takes one load to bring it to the house – a load that’s primarily made up with the jōnin's boxes which somehow bothers Kakashi despite knowing why.  It’s not his main concern, though.

Coming back from a longer mission, he has been worried that the woman’s decisiveness might have wavered. Most of her lifetime has been spent with nothing but a memory of a home, let alone safety or privacy, so no one would fault her for getting cold feet at the prospect of sharing what essentially is supposed to be a safe haven.

Still, he doesn’t feel any doubt or hesitation from Uguïsu as they empty the borrowed wheelbarrow. Her smile is brighter than the sun shining on the clear blue sky and the birds in the still overgrown garden are adopting the bouncy tune she’s humming.

Dropping down the last cardboard box on the kitchen table (courtesy of a friend from his ANBU days), Kakashi stretches his back. “Gonna head back with the wheelbarrow, alright?”

“Will you be back?” she answers from the living room, already busy unpacking books and sorting them, but she pauses to look over when he doesn’t answer. “’Kashi, sweetie?”

Uguïsu looks like she belongs. Not just in the house but in between the lingering memories that Kakashi still can’t quite talk about because...because there’s just so, so much all tangled up in it. He’s good at ignoring the old pain. Hell, he’s good at ignoring any pain and sometimes it feels like it’s just a dream.

Maybe that’s how it feels for her too? Yes, the past has hurt them both in different ways. Beyond words. Beyond repair. It’s strange to imagine something new and good being built right on top of the old ruins but that’s exactly what Kakashi, at least, is starting to believe can happen. Piece by piece, he’ll have to sift through the rubble to clear the site for what’s to come...and he’s happy he won’t be alone while doing it.

“Kakashi?” She’s standing right in front of him, carefully pulling the fabric away to reveal his face and kiss something wet away from his cheeks.

“Yes -” he has to clear his voice before continuing -”as long as there’s a chance you’ll be here, then I’ll come back...after a few other errands.”

The smile is back, moulding to his lips with a hint of salt. “I need to get something too, but I’m counting on you to come back.” Uguïsu buries her fingers in the unruly, white strands, making him weak-kneed. “Wouldn’t be any need for it, if you didn’t.”

“Mmmm-oho?” It’s amazing how one woman can make his mind almost blank and his body hum with a single nibble on his bottom lip. “What is it?”

“Wouldn’t be any fun telling you, now would it?” She giggles at his pouty face. “Alright, one hint.”

“Please, Uguïsu-chaaan!”

“I got the idea from one of your books,” she whispers into his ear.

And with that she’s gone, leaving Kakashi behind with a raging (albeit confused) boner that delays him before he can see to his own tasks.

...

You think the world of Naruto. Don’t you, Iruka?

Kakashi is smart enough to admit that the team isn’t 100% in sync, but both men know that that isn’t the important part – it’s the progress that counts. All three team members need equally unique motivations, and after writing and reading so many reports on the trio, Kakashi knows that showing them as much as possible is the right choice even if they risk getting hurt sometimes.

Iruka...well, he might not like how far Kakashi is willing to push the kids.

Because the captain of Team 7? He knows the time has come.

All the signs are there (including the messages he “coincidentally” has heard during the last month): visitors, many of whom are kids or young teens, from other countries; the passports being inspected at the gates and stamped after being compared to a specially issued list, signed by the Hokage; the extra work several of Kakashi’s colleagues has been burdened with as the deadline has neared. The exams are coming.

As if on cue, he hears the tell-tale screech of old Third’s eagle calling to assemble.

...

The comforting scent of dogs catches Kakashi's attention the moment he opens the door to his old and new home. Dogs and tea. He can hear the gentle crackling from the firewood stove and sees the kettle standing on the stone counter next to a smaller box with tea tins, whisks, and cups. Grabbing his favourite (one Uguïsu had added to her tiny collection for whenever he came around), he goes in search of the woman. Bare feet don’t make a sound against the wooden floorboards but he knows that she’s aware he’s there.

The jōnin finds the Ninken before spotting Uguïsu half-buried between them, back against the solid mountain that Buru is. Not too far away stands the tea pot and a steaming cup.

“Think there’s room for one more?” None of the piled up individuals say anything but at least a few of the dogs wriggle around to create a spot next to the woman.

This is bad, Kakashi admits now that he can see her. Dark eyes remain fixed on infinity even as she presses herself close against his chest, lips drawn into a thin line, and the lively glow of her skin diminished. Thankfully, a sense of calm seems to return to her with the first kiss on her forehead.

“When does it start?” Seemingly realizing that she’s talking as if Kakashi has been privy to her thoughts, she adds, “the exams?”

“The first is a week from now,” he explains and tugs her closer, “but the trio and the two other rookie teams need to pass a preliminary first.”

Finally, Uguïsu looks up at him. “I’m sure they’ll do fine. They’ve had the best senseis, after all.”

“And here I thought, I was supposed to make you feel better...”

A furry head lifts lazily. “Want us to leave?”

Shiba’s question contradicts the way he remains almost glued against the blue-haired woman, head resting on her thigh, and eyes trained on her – Kakashi realizes he wasn’t the one being asked. Traitor, but really it makes him happy to know that she isn’t completely alone when he’s gone.

Slender fingers scratch through the stiff hair on the Ninken’s head. “That’s probably best...but thank you all for coming.”

The chorus of gentle yaps fades away with puffs of smoke (the last and biggest only after the humans sit up properly), dumping the room into silence as they lie back down on the warm floor. Tugging Uguïsu closer, the jōnin appreciates the fact that it’s possible to do so, even now, without her tensing or pulling away – instead, she seeks out the contact by draping herself partially over him with a deep sigh.

“So...talk about it or distract you from it?”

She ponders the option for a moment. “Maybe...not a long talk but just...explain what happened so it makes sense?” Looking up at him, the dark eyes are filled with a doubt that Kakashi isn’t used to seeing there, so of course he nods for her to begin. “Yes...well...” she collects her thoughts, “first off...it’s not like visitors are completely unheard of here, I know that, but as I was getting further downtown, it started to be a lot of strangers that clearly weren’t merchants or something like that.”

Despite the best of skills of any given team of shinobis, it’s near impossible to hide the way the individual members rely on each other while in new surroundings. All of them would be on high alert and as such subconsciously move in a certain manner, almost as if sticking to a formation. A good team can be discreet at this so civilians won’t notice and the same applies to the hand signals or the whistles, all of it executed in a flash too quick for a commoner to be sure they even saw anything. It’s an entirely different matter if the observer is a ninja too.

Of course, the visitors in question aren’t supposed to be blending in as if on a mission but rather show openly who, or rather what, they are.

“It’s a lot of different headbands and faces,” the blue-haired woman laments, “even more unknown factors and risks.”

Kakashi rubs her arm in an attempt to soothe her. “I admit it’s tense as some of the nations represented aren’t necessarily our allies. Officially, there’s a ceasefire...but the towns guard has been strengthened and every foreign participant, be it students or senseis, are issued a passport after verification of their identity. Much like we always do except this time we have their information in advance.”

“Passport. Identification.” Sitting up, Uguïsu pulls out something from one of her pockets. “These things are easy to get.”

Taking what he’s handed, the man looks with slight surprise at the documentation in his hands. Already, the edges are worn and there are smudges here and there. He recognizes the woman on the picture, the name “Mei” as well.

“That explains how you could circumvent the wards...how did you...?”

She has the decency to look a tad remorseful, fingers interlocked and gaze averted. “You know how...”

Kakashi has had his suspicions after learning about the kekkei genkai she possesses and he can see on the sheepish expression on his girlfriend’s face that she isn’t proud of having used the power on the duo at the gate. Poor Hagane and Kamizuki.

“Yeeeeah....I had some apologizing to do after the hokage had okay’ed me,” Uguïsu mumbles. Her fingers are busying themselves with a strand of hair and the jōnin can hear the rapid heartbeat in the silence that follows. “They took it...kinda good?”

Thinking back on the worry on Hagane Kotetzu’s face in the winter when Uguïsu and her teammates had been brought to the hospital, the white-haired ninja feels confident enough to squash any concerns she still harbours. In fact...it’s almost surprising that more people haven’t maintained any animosity towards her. He looks at the woman.

Sunshine is slanting through the window behind her, creating a golden aura with flickering specks. The warm colour from the wood is reflected onto Uguïsu’s face, preventing it from being concealed by shadows and softening the contours – it cannot lessen the unease that sharpens her frown and has buried into the distant gaze like steel.

“Sweetheart...” Kakashi begins but doesn’t know how to continue in a manner that truly conveys what he is thinking, so instead he backpedals a bit, “we knew this day would come and I’ve already taken some steps to keep your presence hidden.”

Quietly, he explains about the meeting and the request (order, really) he has gotten issued for everyone to only refer to her as Mei and deny any knowledge of her real identity. Then he finds one of his boxes and reveals the contents: wigs, beards, tins of colours for makeup and hair, and even some masks and costume pieces. None of those items are likely to be necessary, knowing a bit of Uguïsu’s skills when it comes to remaining undetected, still the existence might add to the sense of security.

“We can piece together a persona that no one would be able to see through.”

A twinkle in her eye makes Kakashi frown. “Not too good, though.”

“Why...why not?”

“I don’t want you to forget I’m your girlfriend,” she teases.

What else can he do than scoff at that? “Silly-head. Like that could ever happen.” Giggling softly, the woman allows herself to be dragged onto his lap and lose herself in the kiss. “I promised I’d be there for you no matter what,” Kakashi mumbles against her lips, “so don’t you dare think a new face will change that.”

[abyssal-memories-and-dreams]

Hi sorry to bother you but can you do the same oneshot that I have requested for leona but this time is jack howl pls and don't forget that the reader has the same personality, background and the role of mc pls.

Hi, Luv! Thank you so much for the request! I hope you enjoy!

Without further ado...

Jack Howl x Fem! Shy! Reader

~The Wolf in Hero’s Clothing~

“Oi, pipsqueak!” 

A group of boys cornered you at the bottom of one of Night Raven’s many staircases as you backed up against the iron railing as much as you could. Your first thought was to run back upstairs to Professor Trein’s classroom for sanctuary but realized that a couple of them had already blocked your way to exit through there. So much for trying to catch up on your studies, you guessed. With not much to do, your mind started to wander to get yourself away from the stress, wondering one question to yourself.

How did it come to this?

Well, the answer simplifies in the fact that you were not supposed to attend Night Raven College at all. Not that you really could as someone who could not control any magic. And yet Headmaster Crowley saw potential in you - that you held a special knack for teamwork with your newfound companion, Grim. But even so, there was nothing outgoing about you.

Back in your world, you were never the best at socializing with others. You always kept to yourself, and would often do double the amount of work in school just to keep up with your classes. No one really saw the need to talk to you either, so for the most part, you were just left alone. Whether or not this was bad or not, you really couldn’t tell, but nonetheless grew anxious the more you felt like you had to talk to people other than your family.

So when you suddenly woke up in the middle of the night inside of a coffin, your heart sank as you feared for your life whilst being chased by your now furry familiar. When all was set and done, though, not much had changed in how you interacted with others. Yes, you had Ace Trapolla and Deuce Spade from Heartslabyul, but you still had your moments where you felt too intimidated to approach them. Combining them with Grim’s arrogant persona, and you often found yourself reclusing back to your own dorm to escape the chaos.

Of course, it was never going to be that easy while residing in this academy. Being the sole female student in this school, you often got stares by some of the other boys in the hallways. It was almost comedic, if not a little weird at seeing their expressions, almost as if they had never seen a woman in their entire life. Some of them tried to even approach you - there was that the dorm leader of Scarabia mustered up some small talk on the spot, but his vice leader was able to pull him off to his next class before he got too close to your liking. It wasn’t uncomfortable, just a little awkward for you. In fact, most of whoever you did interact with was on a neutral footing. Either that or they just ignored you, simple as that.

However... that did not stop a certain group of classmates from making you feel repulsed.

These guys didn’t do so much as stare at you as they did stare you down. No matter where you went, you could feel piercing eyes stare at you like a predator stares at its prey. You could see from the bands on their arms that a lot of them came from Savanaclaw - the dorm built on their students’ pride. You posed no threat to them, but they still looked down upon you like a helpless little herbivore. You realized pretty quickly that they were itching for your reaction, desperate to watch you cower underneath them.

So what was your solution? Evasion and hiding. Yes, you realized that this probably wasn’t the best plan, but it was one that worked best for you. For a while, you sought to run away from them as urgently as possible. You rushed between hallways to avoid social interaction and get to your classes quicker. You sat as close to the dining hall’s door to rush through your meal and hide in your next classroom. You sometimes took the long way back to your dorm by learning about the school’s layout and planning your route from there. And sometimes, you even hid in the library when you suspected something amiss, then awaited until nightfall for you to return to your room unscathed.

These habits soon controlled your life to an unhealthy degree. Sometimes, your familiar Grim would try to pry answers from you when you got back home, but you just shrugged it off and moved on with the conversation. After all... what could you do? Your existence in this world rendered as much as a fly avoiding the next frog or venus flytrap it flew across.

Unfortunately for you, the day you decided to stay after class for an extra study session was the exact same day one of those predators found you.

“Hey, Herbivore!” Another one of the students from Savanaclaw yelled at you, snapping out of your daze. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it? How does it feel knowing that someone weak like you has managed to survive this long?”

Your voice gets caught up in your throat, forcing you to only gulp as your heart beats faster, pounding in your eardrums. You could feel your palms start to sweat as your hand grew clammy on the stair railing. Was this it, you wondered? Was this the fear that they wanted to get from you? Either way, it was working.

“Hey, we’re talking to you!”

You yelped as another one gripped the back of your blazer and dragged you from the stair railing to the floor. All of them laughed as they watched you trip over your feet and fall to your knees, your petrified eyes gazing up at them as if it’s the last thing they’ll be able to see.

“Please...” You muttered under your breath.

“Huh? Please what?” Another guy chimed in, smirking. “Don’t think that timid act of yours is gonna save you, herbivore. C’mon, why not entertain us for a moment? Fight back, use your words...” He chuckled, his words of ‘encouragement’ leaning more on cynicism. Every word he spoke left a tinge of bile in your mouth as your felt ashamed for letting these guys get under your skin so easily.

Of course, you said nothing - you couldn’t say anything. Your heart was beating at the speed of light, your voice hitching up an octave to the point of inaudibility the more you whimpered, your tear ducts on the verge of explosion from the sheer fear you were feeling. None of it could’ve helped you as you saw the same boy’s condescending smile turn into a demeaning scowl like he was disappointed you didn’t snap back at him - that you didn’t entertain him.

“Tch... worthless!”

As soon as he said that, he rose his fist in the air only to swing back down at you. You shut your eyes tight and tried your best to cover them with your wrist, but you knew that could only work so well in this predicament. Was this it? Was this going to be your demise? Were you going to the infirmary later with a severe concussion as you barely recalled the same boys that accosted you, rooting each other on with cheers of encouragement?

And yet... you didn’t feel anything.

You didn’t hear anything beyond your heartbeat.

The same voices seemed to deafen in a matter of seconds. You keep your eyes shut, confused. Did you lose consciousness already?

No. You could still hear your heartbeat. You could still feel your palms layered with a sheen of sweat. And for a moment in time, you could feel a single teardrop escape from the corner of your eye and fall down your cheek.

You slowly opened your eyes, wondering what in the world happened. Suddenly, all the boys surrounding you were all on the floor, either groaning in excruciating pain or knocked out cold. Your gaze wandered from boy to boy, letting out a sigh of relief that you were ok for now.

“Hey.”

You jerked your head around to the source of the voice behind you, your heart starting to beat faster again. Behind you was another guy, larger than any of the upperclassmen that harassed you before. His skin was a light tan that contrasted with his piercing golden eyes and white hair. What stood him out from the rest were his wolf-like ears that perched on the top of his head, the hair fusing from an ivory white to a dark grey at the tips. Behind him, he had a tail of similar characteristics that sprouted out of the back of his uniform.

The boy held his arm out for you to grab and get you back onto your feet. However, you froze in fear upon closer inspection at the band on his sleeve, only to scurry away from him the more he reached out to you.

Another student from Savanaclaw. Just like those boys before

He took a step back, confused as to why you flinched away from him. However, upon seeing the fear on your face, he took a deep breath as if he figured it out, averting your gaze to contemplate what to do next. Finally, he took another step back before kneeling to your eye level, relaxing his posture before asking in the most gentle voice he could muster.

“... Are you alright? Don’t worry, I don’t wanna hurt you.”

(A/N: I would like to thank you guys again for these requests! These are a lot of fun to make! Just to let you guys know, I am just about this close to opening requests again. When that happens, feel free to offer some suggestions! I want to try writing more for different fandoms, so if you have a suggestion, let me know!!! 

With All Appreciation,

Echo)

[pineapple-crow]

This is mostly as a checklist for myself for when the time comes, a reminder for myself to not turn into my father (and to some extent, my mom and stepdad). Because these past couple of weeks have been nothing but family drama, and I hate it. Not to mention the issues I have now could probably have been avoided if I’d been subjected to different parenting than what I was. Oh well.

I will be accepting and supporting of my child. No matter who they are. I mean yeah I won’t make excuses for them if they engage in violent/sex crimes, pedophilia, necrophilia, etc, but if my kid becomes a furry? Well, so long as they understand there’s a time and a place to be one, I’ll even help pick out color schemes for their furry suit. My kid is LGBTQA+? Tell me what you need and I’ll try to find the safest and most cost efficient solutions for ya. They’re disabled some how, or are suffering from a mental illness? Let’s look up safe and effective coping mechanisms and anything else that will make your life easier without coddling you.

I will make sure my children can come to me for anything. We all make mistakes. We all do things we’re ashamed of. But constantly going on a rant, or a lecture, completely dismissing the problem or making it about oneself instead, will do absolutely nothing. You had unprotected sex and think you’re pregnant? Let’s get a test and then go over the safest options, and discuss what it is we should do. You started talking to someone online and they’re making you uncomfortable? How about instead of punishing you, we try and figure out what to do. You went to a party and probably took some illegal drugs? Tell me what they were and we’ll see if there’s anything health wise that needs to be done, I just want to make sure you’re okay.

The Rapunzel method is absolute shit. When it came to life skills, my mom taught me.how to cook and clean, which is great. But when it came to social things, you know what they did? My parents sheltered the hell out of me. Think about abstinence but to the extreme, and you know what? That’s the worst thing to do. It’ll just make your kid want to do it even more. So instead of secreting my child away and telling them that the world - especially the internet - is chock-full of pedophiles and rapists who want nothing more than to get in their pants and kill them, I’ll teach them how to handle themselves. Wanna go to a party? Don’t go alone, make sure you keep in touch with your group at all times, ensure you’ve got a trustworthy ride home, know your limit, etc. Want social media? Be careful about who you let see your selfies, and don’t give someone your personal information right away - definitely not where you live. Anything feels off, get someone you trust immediately. You want to have sex before you’re married, and while you’re still a teen? Okay! Make sure you’re emotionally and mentally ready, don’t let anyone pressure you into anything, if someone doesn’t want safe sex then tell them it’s no sex, do your research before doing anything new, and while you don’t have to fall in love with each other still make sure there’s mutual trust and respect while you’re hooking up. And yes birth control is a real thing. No you will not die from it.

“Because I said so” is not an answer. One thing that irritated me to no end is asking why I can or can’t do something, and getting little more than this answer. Saying “because I said so” or “because I’m the parent and what I say goes” does absolutely nothing for kids, especially since they’re nosy lil buggers. If my kid asked why they weren’t allowed to have ice cream every day, I would tell them why. I feel if they are given an answer that satisfies them, they’re more likely to do the thing I ask or to not do the thing they aren’t supposed to, because they know why. They know that having too much ice cream could cause them to gain unwanted weight and health issues. They know that they need to stay with me so that someone doesn’t take them. They know that they don’t need that toy right now because we don’t have the money and that with things like toys it’s better to wait a bit before buying it to see if your enthusiasm wears off, so you don’t waste your money.

You want to talk to me about some obscure niche fandom that only like three people know about much less understand? I have no idea what you’re saying but I’m not gonna stop you. Kid, I don’t care that I’ve never heard of Galactic Space Rangers of Epsilon. It makes you excited and you want to share it with someone? Well I can’t guarantee I’m gonna be able to add much input but you’re more than welcome to tell me about it, because it makes you happy. You want to share everything you learned today, even though I know it already? Go ahead!! There’s nothing wrong with learning new things and anyway, you just get so excited when you’re able to share facts you just learned with people so yeah like I said you’re more than welcome to talk my ear off, if not now then definitely later, even if I’ve no idea what you’re saying. I’ll still be interested.

You wanna know about religion? Sure! Which one? I don’t care if my kid becomes an atheist. I don’t care if they become an ordained minister. I don’t care if they become a high priestess to the god Ra. I really do not care what religion, if any, my child chooses to follow. I will happily do my best to answer any questions on religion they may have, or at least point them in the right direction, but I will never force them to follow a specific tradition or structured set of beliefs. Just so long as they aren’t hurting anyone, I’m good.

Your boyfriend is 5'7, has piercings/tattoos, comes from a lower income family, dresses in clothes from hot topic, and chose to work first instead of college because of said income status? As long as he treats you right he’s welcome in my house. My parents are traditionalists and adhere to the belief that people who are spouse material should look a certain way, shouldn’t be poor, and that if you’re not in college by the time you’re 20 then you’re just a no good bum, especially if you live at home. But you know what? As long as they have basic hygeine and a desire to be able to provide for you, as well as treat you with the love and respect you deserve, then I truly do not care how many crazy colors your partner has in their hair. Just don’t be an adult child.

Same goes for friends. It’s one thing if my kid is hanging around other kids actively encouraging them to do illegal activities and threatening/pressuring my kid to participate. But as long as no one is getting hurt or breaking laws I’m not going to control who my kid can or can’t be friends with.

Fur babies can be grandkids too. I want grandkids, yes. But if my child decides that they don’t want to get married, that they don’t want to have kids, I won’t be upset! Well maybe a little disappointed but I won’t ever tell them that and I most certainly will not guilt them or deride them.

Kids are kids, not robots. I will not run my house like it’s a dictatorship, and I will not use fear and guilting to control my kids. I will not put more value in school than I do the well-being of my child. I will not make threats or use corporal punishment just because my kid isn’t obeying my every word. I will not act like my kids are soldiers who must stand at attention when I snap my fingers. I will not demand unyielding obedience just because I gave birth to my kid and chose to follow through on my parental obligations and duties. I want my kids to be loved. I want my kids to grow. I want them to know just how much they matter to me and that they deserve to be treated like human beings.

[jaylos]

i hated descendants 2 and here's why

a collection of reasons why i am utterly disappointed in this sequel.

warnings: there will be swearing and negative commentary about these ships: Mal/Ben, Evie/Doug, Carlos/Jane. (so basically all the canon pairings lmao)

buckle up this is gonna be long and salty. (also spoilers, duh) (and i take artistic liberty in the capitalization of words and i like to be dramatic)

also check out other rant posts i made bc they kinda tie in with all of this (reading not required in order to understand it tho): magic ban Rise of the Isle of the Lost my thoughts during my first time watching it Bal

1. Characters

Ok i need to go back to d1 for a second: they already did a bad job on introducing the characters to us there. For exapmle: Carlos and technology. He does that thing where he locates the museum or when he turns off the alarm, but without the first book (the isle of the lost) the fact that he is supposedly a tech genius would've flown over everyone's heads. And this is the problem: the movie(s) rely on spin-off media (the books, wicked world) to explain the characters to us. A movie shouldn't have to do that in the first place, but what makes it worse is that the books and the webseries are inconsistent like no tomorrow and also contradict each other on several occasions. Now that wouldn't be so bad if the movies were enough to solidify the characters, but they're not. They also try to patch up plot holes in the books so they don't have to deal with it in the movies. But someone who hasn't read them might wonder how the pirate crew got their ship, and they're offered no explanation in the movie whatsoever. (i'm pretty sure this could've been avoided with a few tweaks to the script tho??)

What I think happened here is that they simply had too many characters and so basically all of them fell flat because they didn't have time to explore them properly. And what did they do in d2? they dragged that problem with them, introduced more characters who's arcs they could half-ass and got rid of what little personality the original characters had.

We don't actually know shit about them. What are their hobbies? What are their interpersonal dynamics like? What are their struggles in Auradon after a life of abuse and neglect? (i'm convinced that that last one can absolutely be dealt with in a child-friendly manner, but instead they brushed it off almost completely. I say almost because we got a few tidbits here and there but those were about as deep as a puddle on a sidewalk)

1.a. Jay

Why is he depicted as a main character when he has less lines & relevance to the plot than Jane?  Even the gotdam dog had some purpose. wouldn't change a thing if Jay wasn't there at all.

l i s ten i love Jay for the character that i made him out to be in my head and through some of the things the fandom has contributed but in canon he is redundant as all fuck.

Also i'm not gonna go into the outfits in this rant bc that's too subjective and is not what contributed to d2 being a bad movie but let's just say i found most of his looks kind of.. off-putting. why they didn't take advantage of Booboo Stewart's beauty is a mystery to me. Especially since his looks are supposed to be Jay's strong suit.

2.b. Chad

He was a completely different character. Not only did his personality shift from deceitful to moronic but his morals changed?? like in d1 he didn't actually play by the rules - he let other people do his homework, and he didn't tell on Evie because he found her cheating wrong but because he wanted payback.

And in d2 he suddenly cares about rules word for word because the writers and the (young) audience already hate him so he can be sexist too i guess. Instead of making him a meaningful threedimensional character that offers a different perspective as the child of a disney hero he was turned into the comic relief and the overdone trope of the jock that lost his status and is now laughed at. Groundbreaking. you hate him i get it i g e t i t. (also stay tuned for the sexism part i'm not done with that)

1.c. Carlos

to get super subjective again: i absolutely hate the direction they went in with his character. why not make him even more nerdy now that he has the freedom to do so? the only thing that referenced his tech stuff was that he supposedly improved their 3D printer. wow. his new hairstyle, the golden headphones etc. were things that don't fit into the impression i got from the first movie and/or the books at all. they didn't even show him tinkering with some device or whatever? how tf am i supposed to believe that he's a techie???

Also in Rise of the Isle of the Lost he is anti-magic for some goshdang reason, but in d2 he asks Mal to help him with magic, which is one of those inconsistencies i was talking about.

1.d. Evie

here's what i would have done with her instead: make 4 Hearts less relevant (do show her sewing and talking about commissions) and let her care for the remaining isle kids from the very beginning. her introduction in d2 could've been her talking about wanting to bring them over, but having difficutly to make it happen (maybe the royal council pushes back or whatever).

instead she spends 6(?) months doing jackshit about the isle kids and only remembers it like halfway through the movie.

1.e. Ben

he just pisses me off. not only is he dismissive and ignorant of Mal's struggles and blames her for when she fails to be perfect, but he is also incompetent as a king, at least when it comes to the Isle. Why the fuck did it take him so long to bring more isle kids over? and why does he need to hear it from Evie first? it was his idea in the first place but then he completely forgets about it for some reason even though he is literally dating a vk. "i guess i've just been busy" with what? being a fuckboy? (also sidenote: there it is again with the "tell don't show" that i've already talked about in the rant about Rise linked above. it's one of the biggest problems i have with the storytelling across all installations in this franchise. Ben is not shown being busy one single time. We're just supposed to believe it because they said so.)

(another sidenote: why the fuck does he have those beast traits, by which i mean all that redundant roaring like i get they want to reference beauty and the beast but do the writers realize that his father was cursed he does not actually have those furry genes)

1.f. Jane

? per s onalit y ?¿?? literally who is she

There's not much to say about the others (some i will cover later when i talk about relationships). Do you know that thing when a character's potential is wasted? In descendants this happens with every last one of them. They're like those cakes that are just for show: they look amazing and tasty but when you take a bite it's cardboard.

2. Plot

pretty basic for the most part, but i personally found the suspense curve really weird. it has two climaxes (? what is plural): 1. the sword fight and 2. at the cotillion. Also i hated that it took place over the course of like 2 days, but that might just be my personal taste. There are some plot holes of varying degrees of annoying. For one, Maleficent probably starved to death in that box because Mal and the writers forgot about her. And her moped is gone, it left, like i should have as well, good-fucking-bye.

Then there's the fact that Mal didn't go back with them because she learned some kind of lesson or grew as a peson or whatever but because she didn't have a choice and they never talked about her initial struggles except "my hair and dress are purple again so it's fine". i mean yeah she said her piece about not fitting in or whatever but we don't actually see it working out after all that trouble?How did the dynamic in their relationship change? who knows.

Then there's the fact that Uma is somewhere in the ocean, she's a giant monster and 100% capable of using magic but no one gives a shit??? at this point i'm willing to bet that in the next isle book it will be explained what happened to her so it doesn't have to be dealt with in descendants 3 and i will scream.

By the way i didn't understand what it was that Ben said that convinced her to retreat, his speech was so lame.

Also the octopus/dragon "fight" was ridiculous. they didn't do shit? Uma was just wiggling around and Mal was floating, which looked stupid because she made flying/gliding motions but stayed in the same spot.

And one thing that really annoyed me is how they only made 5 smoke bombs and then also needed exactly 5. b better prepared u idiots. that whole thing was so weird anyway bc the point was to avoid a fight but it didn't work. maybe it would've worked if they had made more than 5 who knows. and the plan to make them in the first place came completely out of the blue. (-plan? -smoke bombs -k)

Also why did Uma expect the wand to work under the barrier? The only explanation I can think of is that it's because the wand was what created the barrier (although the whole thing about the Isle is that magic Does Not Work and we should have been given an explanation as to why the wand is an exception) but 1. How would Uma know that and 2. If it had been the real wand they could've used it to knock the pirates out or whatever and Uma should've expected that. This whole trade-off thing was sketchy and holey as fuck.

You know what was one of the best things about d1? The parents. I mean this was probably a budget issue but the parents were arguably one of, if not the, most entertaining aspects. and boy could it have been interesting to see the confontation between them and their kids...

The isle was really weird and underwhelming btw. i saw people say it was great bc we got to see more of the isle but did we really? it was just a bunch of disjointed locations and we still have no idea how anything is located in relation to one another, how big it is, or how and how many people actually live there. And why did no one there give a shit that the rotten four were back? most of all Mal, whom the people hated the most for betraying them and becoming a princess. Also why did Mal not go back to her old home instead of this building that was a.. warehouse? their gang hangout?? that came out of nowhere??? correct me if i'm wrong but do they say something along the lines of  "we used to hang out here" even once? why was there a bed in there

And hey remember tourney? It's not even like roar was necessary so that they'd have swords? Also it could have been mentioned like "now that tourney season's over we're focusing on roar" but no?? Let's just forget about it like the writers did.

3. Music

not really much to say, except that they used way too much autotune but i guess overall it's an improvement compared to the first movie but it's whatever. the only thing that confused me about what's my name was that in the movie (as opposed to the music video on youtube etc) there was this weird echo that made it sound like it was playing in another tab with a slight lag??

and another thing that stuck out to me was it's going down: the rap parts were already hella uncomfortable to watch but when ben started singing i just about died of secondhand embarrassment it's so bad lmao.

4. The Thing With Lonnie

Don't get me wrong, i love that she got a bigger part and that she's a good swordfighter and whatnot.

BUT:

First of all, why is it even a thing that the roar rule book has gendered language like that? i mean aren't there countless women in auradon who have proven over and over again that they're just as capable as man? why does Lonnie need to prove anything. especially since her mother is mulan of all people???

listen, the exploitation of gendered language has brought forth some great moments (eg: lotr "i am no man") but it's getting old. Girls and women have proven countless times that they can do "anything a boy can". how many times more does it have to happen until we can take the next step?

And it wasn't even handled well in d2. Sure, Lonnie's captain now, but do we really have to wait until d3 (or god forbid the next book in the isle series where the movie can lean back and let the book do all the storytelling work) for something to actually change in a system that is still misogynistic for whatever goddamn reason??

for this sideplot not to fail miserably like it did, what should have happened is that Lonnie changes the rules so that anyone can join the team, because as we were left it was still "captain and 8 men". we did not see the actual change happening and this was a half-assed attempt at this tired old "girl power" shit.

in this kind of storyline we only ever see the first step, we never see the actual progress that follows. it's always just "huh, i guess girls aren't useless after all" it's 2017 get with the program and move the fuck on.

OR just drop this overdone trope and have a team consisting of different genders from the very beginning.

It's time to tell girls that they don't need to prove themselves in order to be respected.

5. Relationships jesus christ here we go

okay okay there is a number of things that get my blood b o i l i n g and one of them is lazy fictional heterosexual romances and boy oh boy is this movie a fucking gold mine in that regard.

5.a. let's take a look at janelos first (don't worry i will talk shit about bal and devie individually as well): it's boring, shallow, if it was a spice it would be flour. look, if you ship it, by all means be my fucking guest. i even encourage you to write fanfiction or do something to make something out of this bland ass mess of a supposed romantic relationship.

it's a perfect example of what is wrong with this kind of fictional romance. first of all i will disregard the books bc 1. the movies shouldn't need the books for that, yadda yadda and 2. they don't do much to save it anyway. so. it's the easy route, the tried and true formular, and that's the problem. he was a boy, she was a girl, and that's enough to make their interest in each other believable, right? the answer is no. it's lazily written and i am tired™. why, how, when did they fall in love? are they even friends? what do they have in common? what activities do they enjoy together? those are all things we don't know, this relationship comes out of nowhere. how did they go from not even so much as look at each other in the first movie to being head over heels for each other? and not to mention, was it worth sacrificing their personalities for? you guessed it the answer is no yet again. Neither Carlos nor Jane receive any character development whatsoever. None. They could have done so much with them (if you hear a strange sound it's me weeping).

And it is replaceable. Change their names and it won't make the slightest bit of difference, because this relationship does not have one single distinguishable trait (in fact it has no traits period) compared to the 87632947 others out there. it is so. generic. and frankly i don't understand how people can settle for it. i mean i get how people can just watch the movie and not care bc why would they, but how does someone look at this and go "yes, this is a well-written romance" ????? ? ? up your standards people.

and now some predictions that came (somewhat) true from that Heterosexual Romantic Subplot Bullshit Bingo i wanted to make for d2 but never finished:

- by the end their relationship won’t have developed like at all, but they dance together to show us that they’ve come sUcH a LoNg waY

- one wants to ask the other out/they both want to ask each other out, but they’re too shy and also the plot keeps interrupting them.

- it will take away screentime they could have used to give them actual character development.

- jane won't receive an arc besides being and obligatory love interest.

- carlos tries talking to her but he stammers and it’s supposed to be cute.

5.b. Devie

Like i get that Doug is jealous bc of his own insecurities but what is hip with the kids in the year of our lord 2k17 is mutual trust and communication. To think that Evie would cheat on him is such an insult tbh?? And why did Evie not tell him where she was going in the first place? i mean granted i could think of a few reasons why she wouldn't but we don't even see her give a shit bc Doug is irrelevant in her quest to go and sing a duet with the person she'd rather be dating. She probably just forgot about Doug like I, the viewer, did the second he left the screen.

Also it's just the same bs again. We don't know shit about their relationship. What is it like? What do they enjoy doing together? What is their dynamic? Doug could literally be a pair of Pradas and it wouldn't make a difference.

But for real tho can we go back on how he accuses her of cheating?? like wow dude that's so gross  pls don't present that to young viewers as cute because i assure you it is not.

5.c. Bal (h e r e w e g o)

Ben is such a bad boyfriend omg. I mean i get that he couldn't possibly understand what Mal is going through, but he isn't even trying. She changes everything about herself and he doesn't get suspicious in the least. And apparently they don't talk about anything that matters because 1. Mal can't be honest with him (she dragged all that shit around with her for ~6 months!!!) and 2. he would know more about the isle (but he has no clue).

out of all the relationships in this movie this is the one they should've put some effort into. i mean they succeeded in making Ben look like a dick but that wasn't their intention so i just ended up feeling sorry for Mal for being stuck with him bc it's ~true love~ .

Mal to Ben: "you've always known who we were" he didn't tho?? just bc he gave her a purple dress in that stained glass picture? he could've just told her that instead of letting her suffer for months bc she thought he'd leave her if she was more like herself. and that's the resolution, Mal shouldn't have been worried oh how silly of her! i guess everything is fine after all!

but you know actually their love for each other is totally believable bc they had an emotional and heart-wrenching duet together - oh wait.

A big reason why Sofia Carson and Dove Cameron got a duet is probably because they're professional singers and Mitchell Hope apparently can't get out a single correct note without 10 layers of autotune but when the story is about true love saving the day shouldn't that aspect get a little more attention? i mean don't get me wrong i like that the duet between mal and evie is there at all (but hey @disney make it gay you cowards) bc the friendships between the characters and especially the vk's don't get nearly as much attention as they should.

not to go on a tangent about how hand-holding and forehead-touching can totally be platonic but put next to Ben and Mal who Do Not Do That it makes their romantic relationship even less exciting. like, i don't know why i should care about it.

also while typing this i realized that it's not really that different from other movies and i thought hey, maybe i'm being too hard on it, but then i remembered that 99% of all canon heterosexual romantic relationships are bland and boring and i need writers to try harder (or try at all) because i am bored to death by the same shit over and over again.

i know i'm wasting way too much energy on this but i was already too invested in descendants so might as well go all the way amirite. i just had to get it all off my chest. if you need me to elaborate on anything feel free to message me.

and the first movie wasn't all that good btw, it is trashy in a way that was enjoyable, but the second one is just trash.

so yeah all in all that script was just straight up a pile of garbage consisting of washed-out tropes and no amount of bright colors or catchy songs can save it.