#genuinely got SUPER excited LIKE SUPER SUPER EXCITED for the first time doing the applications for grad school looking at their program

[girlscience]

you ever want to go back in time and beat the shit out of yourself??

[dhampling]

I've had this idea in my head ever since I first played as a Dragonborn or Tiefling in BG3, and I have no idea why it isn't discussed more. But what if a Tiefling! (Or Dragonborn, whichever you prefer) Tav shows affection by coiling their tail around their s/o? Like they're close by and are just overwhlemed with love and adoration, and their tail just kinda wraps around their lovers leg? Or wrist or anywhere they can reach! Like Tav is hugging Astarion and then without really realizing it, their tail coils around him as well? Idk, I just think the concept is super sweet/cute. I would love to see this as a small story, or even just head cannons if you want to explore the idea as well. No pressure, obviously, ignore it if you wish to ❤️ hope you're doing well!

a tail of... insert pun here! tavs with TAILS. tails with tav. tav tails with dal.

hello sweetling! can i start by saying that i loved this - genuinely, absolutely loved this. i started by writing HCs and got a bit carried away, so i hope you enjoy the little bit of both here! thank you for giving me something different - this is absolutely not something i'd have thought of and i had SO MUCH FUN. a/n: species isn't mentioned, and I've tried to keep it as generic as possible so it could be applicable for tiefs or dragonborn tavs!

headcanons;

As far back as you can recall you’ve been particularly expressive

It’s not something that you’ve ever seen as an issue, beyond the occasional mishap you can laugh over with any tail-whipped parties later

Frantic little licks of excitement when playing with your peers as a youngling come to mind as an immediate example

Running amok and jumping with the widest of smiles as your tail oscillates behind you

Your family chiding you playfully whilst rubbing their stinging ankles after a particularly jovial day in your presence

Your parents holding you whilst you were still small enough to be held

Your tail bony and light, and yet tightly winding around their forearms as you rested on their torso like a twisting vine

A sign of comfort, safety

A sign that hasn’t lost any significance as you’ve aged

Many a time you’ve run into an old friend and accidentally lashed them in sheer glee, loosely wrapping your tail to whichever limb you can to keep them close as you agree to wander the local bustling market together

And so when you begin to bond with your fellow escapists as you search for a cure for your unfortunate parasite problem, it’s inevitable

It doesn’t even cross your mind

Not until the day where everything just went right 

For the first time since your abduction you’ve emerged your battles all victorious, casualties kept to a minimum, and with enough variety in supplies to have a proper meal 

Spirits are high, wine is flowing; and your party has a real energy of optimism

Your tail flitters back and forth like a moth to a flame as your take to your feet and search for the one who has captured your attention

fool's errand;

It takes Astarion a little aback when the wine steers you towards him.

A few weeks in each others’ presence, sure. A night or two; possibly three, maybe even four at this point, of mutual enjoyment under the stars. Frequent back and forth exchanges while on the road, bantering like old friends. You give him your neck, he offers you moral support.

But on a night where the joy is positively spilling from every cup in camp, you step to him?

He’s unsure whether to be flattered or cautious.

If you’re to end your arrangement, surely tonight - where the conversation is so effusive, so effortless across your party - would be the optimal time to do so. Laugh it away as a lapse in judgement between ‘old friends’, as you often joke, and drift from him to a more viable prospect as the coming days pass. Leave him as the least amicable in camp once more. He’d understand.

Not that he’d like it.

But he’d understand.

Or, he’d try to. He might be a little upset if Lae’zel wins Lady Congeniality over him, but it’s not the end of the world.

He’d have to hope the group still would still want to keep him around of course. Be a little nicer to Gale. Offer to help Karlach carry your packs between camps. 

What is he offering you if not his nimble fingers? Maybe he went too hard on gunning for you. Or not hard enough, perhaps?

You quirk a brow as you snap your fingers in his face, wine sloshing gently in your other hand.

Clearly his face is now showing his displeasure.

“You ok? Hello?”

“Oh! Yes, my sweet. Lost in thought.” 

He waggles his fingers and lifts his goblet to toast alongside yours. To new friends.

“I must say - you being lost in thought is entirely unusual. Still wondering about the left handed tongs Gale sent you searching for earlier?” You laugh warmly. He scowls.

“I don’t eat! I haven’t eaten for two hundred years. What use would I have for tongs in a dungeon, darling?’

He sips.

‘A fool’s errand in very poor taste, if you ask me.”

You still. He pauses.

He’s feeling sour, and he’s ruined it for you. Sapped the joy from your evening. Gods.

He wracks his brain for ways he can come back into favour. 

Suggest other things he’d like to taste in order to clear his palate. He hasn’t eaten in two hundred years, and he’s absolutely famished. Whet your appetite a little. Win you back round.

“I can hear your brain whirring, you know.” You whisper, leaning close.

He freezes. Can you see it? Through the tadpole? His horrid scheming?

And you do the most unexpected thing.

Your arms come around his torso to envelop him in a tight hug.

You aren’t fervently clutching at his waist, running fevered hands over his abdomen or pulling yourself close just to feel his body against yours.

It’s soft. Clandestine almost. He doesn’t know how to react. 

“I do so adore you, you know? You make this sordid little adventure a little more enjoyable each day.’ 

You hum. Your head falls to his chest, your tail wrapping around his leg steadily.

‘You can talk to me about these things if you want to. If you figure out what you want to say. I’m here.”

He wouldn’t have anticipated a single one of your actions in the face of his sullen behaviour this evening.

Yet the one that touches him most is the tail now secure around his leg. 

A reminder of every tired day you flit joyously against him as you trek together, the curiosity and jubilee when he powers through a wholly trapped room with nothing but a single tool and a flourish - for good measure, of course.

Your little happy whips as you stumble on dire-needed pouches of gold alongside him. His lockpicking skill that you find oh-so enthralling, providing for the party in making use of his talent.

And every once in a while when you’re aside him, the way this happens.

A moment that reminds him of the beauty within bodies past their use for sexuality. How genuinely happy those little mindless touches make him. How his undead heart could maybe be cajoled into beating again over this one.

He coughs. Smiles. Brings his arms around you, though delayed.

Head resting atop yours. 

“You’re full of surprises aren’t you, treasure?”

Your tail flits against his leg in a happy shiver.

“Naturally, darling.”

You imitate him in a way that makes you both laugh like fools. Toast once again.

"To us."

[buckets-and-trees]

Hehe I’m here with a dare 😏

So I’m such a sucker for angst but with a happy ending - I’d love to hear how you would go about writing a forced proximity meets the one that got away fic, from what I’ve read of your writing I feel like you’d really do those tropes justice

Alright, Em... let me stretch my fingers and get ready for this one...

I THOUGHT about this.

Ari Levinson

Modern AU - college and then mid-to-late-30s Ari

We're going to call this... er... maybe an "imagine-novella"? It kind of ended up being a 2500-word plot exploration. No content warnings, only some language.

You meet Ari in college. He’s tall and toned and tanned, always in a baseball cap unless forced otherwise, and he’s already sporting a full beard and looking good with it. He’s a couple of years older because he worked out of high school before for a couple of years - long enough to put enough away to pay for tuition without being a burden on his parents. When you meet him, it's when there's the huge club rush out on the quad your junior year. It's in the middle of campus in the first weeks of the semester so everyone does wander through by the nature of when and where it is. You see the table for the radio station on campus. Truthfully you don't even notice him at first. You're standing twenty feet away looking at the sign and thinking about whether or not it's worth it, maybe shake things up, you love music - you're that friend always making the playlists, discovering new songs and bands, dying to go to big music festivals, etc, and your campus has a radio station...

Someone else was talking to him as he's running that table, and they leave and then he sees you standing there, and, "Hey! You!"

It jolts you out of your thoughts and you're caught off guard for just a half a second, and go, "Me?"

He grins, "Yeah, you."

Your feet move before you even really think about it because ... that's just what you do when people call you over. It’s an instant crush for you but you try and reign it in, because he's excited that you're actually interested in the station, and you genuinely are excited about it. He's a Journalism and Communications major and the station manager, and so he gives you the pitch to come to an info meeting they're going to have, he'd love to see you there.

And you do go. Because... it doesn't matter that he's cute. The more you keep thinking about it, you decide it would actually be fun. You get a show, you make a lot of new friends with the other station people - some of them are total nerds, but they're all fun or nice or a little bit irreverent, and so station meetings once a month are fun. You're a good DJ. You have fun with your shows. Ari takes note - he appreciates it. The station is his baby. He puts everything into it. He's not outgoing, even though he's charismatic, but he can't help but gravitate to the people who really fucking love it like him. You don't get to know him super well that first year, but when it's time for him to appoint new directors to run the station the next year, he pulls you aside and says he loves what you've done with your show and wants you to think about applying for a director position.

You do. It's going to be your last year of college, the DJ gig hasn't been work, it's just been fun, and ... you love being part of the team, love to work on exciting projects, dig your hands into the dirt and make something great, so yeah. You throw your hat in the ring, because why not? And it could be an extra thing to go on your grad school applications.

Ari not only picks you for the team, he actually ends up picking you to be the director of programming, his number two, the one who oversees the DJs and putting together the roster for shows each semester. And that's what launches everything to a new level.

You lock down DJs that you want to come back the next fall, you both go away for the summer, but now you're texting somewhat regularly about ideas for the next year, things you'll work on, and the real working friendship develops. When fall semester starts and it's full speed on the ground, you and the team of directors really work to make the station great, but it's A LOT of you and Ari.

And to say he becomes one of your best friends senior year? Maybe. You tread that line because there's still that part of your heart that crushes on him, but the part that loves doing everything station and music and working on this big beast together? That's big. You let that be the focus. Because it's fun. And he's fun. And he's brilliant (like you, which is why he likes you) and ambitious (like you) and he's got this great, rich laugh that you get to hear a lot. And a lot of your other friends are busy with their senior years, too, and so are you, and so you don't mind any of the time you spend working on the station with Ari and the other directors and the DJs who are just this pack of a couple dozen people who come and go. But a lot of you and Ari.

And he doesn't date anyone. Not the entire time you know him. You heard/thought maybe there were some hook ups he indulged in during your junior year, but not that year before you both graduate. He clearly doesn't have time for a girlfriend and doesn't love anything more than the station, but you do think - just a little bit - just in the back of your head sometimes - that maybe you don't hear about him with anyone this year because... he's not going to date you - that would be unprofessional for you two and the station - but maybe it's because you are close. And maybe as you get closer to the end of the year... maybe he's going to make a move. He's always said he's already a confirmed old bachelor, but the way he smiles at you, the way he values your opinion, how often he says how amazing you are and how he appreciates you... you're going to be the girl who finally gets him.

But time is running out. And even though you both pour your hearts into the station together, there are never any late nights (those are given to studying, passing classes, etc). The last month, he says stuff like he's never going to see any of you again. Jokingly. You all laugh as directors because how could he mean it? He's made you all a family.

He makes more comments like that in the last weeks and days, and when he says he's going to shut down all of his social media, because he only had it to run and promote the station, you call him on his bullshit. And he says no. He's serious. He's going to go into journalistic photography, and he's going to create the network he needs where he needs it, but he's not playing the PR games to do it - the dream is wild nature photography, work in remote locations, never talk to humans again if he can help it. And it's so stupid. You tell Ari he's being ridiculous. He can't want to live so far off the grid.

"I'm sorry," he says, kindly but matter-of-factly. "But when we graduate, I'm never talking to any of you ever again."

You scoff. But this conversation is now just you and him in the station on a Saturday afternoon. But then you look at him for a half a second and really see his face. And you think he means it. "Ari, I did not give my fucking heart and soul into this station for the last year as your friend for you to never talk to me again. You at least owe me a lunch five years from now."

He smiles. "Okay. Maybe in five years. You find me in five years and I promise I'll take you to lunch."

And you graduate a week later, and he says goodbye, and you're not sad about it. Maybe just a bit wistful for what might have been. But after that specific "five years" conversation, you realize it was only you who was maybe a bit foolishly hopeful. He'd really never led you on. You never told him you had a crush (you had tried to keep it professional, because you did genuinely love the friendship) and he'd never given you or anyone else any illusion that he was there for anything other than working on the station and that bonding and camaraderie. If he had led you on, if there had been late nights, maybe you would've been hurt. But aside from being secretly hopeful, there really wasn't much harm done by your pining. But maybe in five years, you'll look him up for that lunch he agreed to.

He does fall off the gridl You take a busy summer job and then a paid internship in the fall, and you try and track him a bit, but you do just… get busy and move forward. You think of Ari a lot, but less and less as the time goes on. You know the name of the newspaper he was going to start off with right after graduation, and although he got rid of social media, he did have a beautiful website he set up for his photography. And you check that once in a while, but less and less. You get a fulltime job after the internship, and your life becomes even more full with the things that aren’t Ari, and sometimes you think about him, but most times you don’t.

When that five years rolls around, you start to think of him more again.

But you let it come and go.

You didn’t necessarily feel like you were living your best life, and if you were going to get one lunch to win over the one who got away and make him realize you were the love of his life… maybe you’d feel a little better – a little more accomplished, go to the gym more, be really something – in ten years.

Fleeting thought in ten years. Though you do think of him when you realize it’s that ten year mark. And you just kind of smile because ten years ago you was so wildly for him, and five years ago you was still a touch foolishly hopeful, and wouldn’t it be something if you did look him up now? But you really don’t need to anymore.

Then a couple of years later, you move to a new place, and without ever even trying, who else should somehow be living two doors down from you but Ari fucking Levinson?

And he sees you first. He’s just gotten home, opened the door from the garage into the house to be reunited with his good girl – a beautiful golden retriever who’s waited for him all day, walked with her trotting along at his side out to his mailbox, and looks down the street to see who’s just sending off the movers out of curiosity for who’s moving into the neighborhood, and he does a fucking double take because it’s you.

His god damn jaw drops and he laughs and then calls out your name.

You turn, hardly believing it but knowing that voice anywhere, and you laugh and shake your head. “Ari Levinson?”

You push the messy hair from the long day’s work of moving out of your face and are glad you’re not besotted for this man anymore, even if he does look like even more of an Adonis now, because you do know you look a mess, but you don’t even care. Having moved out of state for this dream job, you couldn’t be any more happy just to have someone from your past right at your new home base.

“’Of all the gin joints in all the towns in the world!’”

He meets you halfway, and he pauses a beat away from you because he’s not a hugger, but somehow there’s just this draw to hug you, and so he does. Only surprising to you for a second, but you’re so tired and it’s been a good day but a long day, and you were excited for this move, but you can’t deny a familiar face just feels good, so you melt into him just for the comfort of it for a moment. It’s just nice.

And when you pull back, the obedient but attentive dog draws your attention, lighting your face up with a beautiful grin. “Can I pet your dog?!”

But the two of you are already drawn to each other and bonding before he gets the, “Sure, of course,” out of his mouth.

He doesn’t wear those old baseball caps every day anymore, so he pushes his hand through his hair, and that move has practically made women drop their panties for him over the years, but you don’t even notice, too busy showering affection on his sweet golden girl while the two of you exchange the kind of words two of the oldest friends do when they haven’t seen each other in ages. Why is his chest so tight and warm all at once. Why does he have the thought cross his mind that you showing up here feels like home? Why are you falling in love with his dog and not with him? Wait, why did he think that?

This feels like a slippery slope.

But maybe he doesn’t fucking care.

When he is back inside his house, starting to pull something from the fridge to heat up for dinner, he remembers that he promised you a dinner.

It’s later than you two made the deal for, but… he’ll start there.

Just old friends who are new neighbors.

That night when he’s plugging his phone in to charge before bed, he remembers that he never did get rid of your contact in his phone. You might have the same number.

What he doesn’t know is that when he left the harbor, sure, you waited with that boat hopefully for a bit, but then you finally took your ship and sailed – everywhere really – and you may be eager to fall happily in love with his dog and genuinely grateful to know you’ll have someone in your corner on this new adventure, but you want nothing more than that good friendship in your life. He was one of your greatest friends all those years ago. But you finally got over that pining crush, and here’s no way you’ll be foolish enough to fall for him again, nor do you want to. You couldn’t ask for more than to have your old friend as your new neighbor, with his gorgeous golden retriever.

Ari does text you that night… just a welcome to the neighborhood again, and that he thinks he owes you a dinner, if he remembers correctly (he does, he’s just being casually clever), so he’s gotta take you out tomorrow night.

And it is still the same number, but you fell into the blissful rest of your bed, exhausted after move in day, so you don’t even see it that night. It will wait until you get to it in the morning.

Just like Ari will have to wait for what he wants. And work to try to even bring you around again.

Will he have waited too long and you’ll be the one who got away?

[apatura-ires]

Listen. I am not a Souvieshu fan, but I am a Souvieshu truther, in the sense that I hate how people misinterpret his character. People in this fandom seem to genuinely think Souvieshu is a guy who will chase any pretty woman, or that he’s a creep who specifically wants women who are childish, and easy to control, but like. Neither of these are true? (Souvieshu is still absolutely a creepy weirdo but like. In a different way. I’m sick of fans using the word pedophilic to describe Souvieshu, because it’s not even fucking correct in application to him, even when used as a short hand for when someone likes childish, sheltered and innocent people. Like this is a side note but you people have got to stop throwing that fucking word around.)

Souvieshu doesn’t want just any pretty woman. He specifically has only ever, truthfully and genuinely loved Navier, even if that love has become warped, and that’s a fact. Rashta is his side piece, yes, but it’s clear that Rashta is just some girl that he’s infatuated with, to fulfill his emotional needs, and eventually, for his political ones as well. He was never in love with her. It’s always been obvious that Souvieshu craved Navier’s affection, and that he has been wanting to try and not only make her happy, but rekindle their bond.

Please take note that:

1. Souvieshu knows Navier puts on a mask for people. These two used to be super close, and that likely carried on a bit into their marriage. But eventually, Navier starts putting up walls, and eventually, she starts doing it to him. There could be plenty of reasons for this, but it doesn’t matter, because they both seemed to have mutually drifted apart. Souvieshu is shown actively trying to get past her facade, although, he does so poorly, because he comes at her with a sense of entitlement most of the time.

2. Souvieshu likes Rashta, because Rashta gives him what he craves from Navier; which is to say, Rashta gives him affection, is expressive, has easygoing and light hearted conversations with him, and is able to speak honestly with him. Things that he and Navier used to be able to do with one another. His literal first observation of Rashta, is that she’s easily pleased and excited over small things, which is directly paralleled to a later chapter, where Souvieshu and Navier dine together on her birthday. Souvieshu asks Navier to smile, to which, she complies and gives him a fake one, and Souvieshu then asks her to be sincere about it. Navier makes a comment about needing to be actually happy to do that, so Souvieshu tries to make her happy by giving her a gift. This doesn’t go well with Navier, and like most of their arguments, Souvieshu ends up wishing that Navier could just be more expressive in a sincere, non-petty manner. He is always asking Navier to drop her mask with him. With Rashta, Souvieshu didn’t initially have to dig past a mask to know how she felt. Souvieshu liked her honesty and openness, and while he considered her innocence and childish nature part of her charm, it’s also implied that those traits are traits he could only handle when he was in the mood for it. It’s not actually something he likes, and we see further along the story that her childishness begins to grate on him. Furthermore, there’s a point in the story where he becomes sick, and he mentions that Rashta is not a calming presence, but Navier is.

3. This is the big one (and also me just making observations and assumptions), but both Souvieshu and Navier didn’t know that they loved each other. This is a big one for Souvieshu specifically, because he never assumed that Navier loved him, the way he loved her. I’m sure that’s probably one of the big reasons why he took Rashta in as his consort— and it’s because he sincerely thought Navier wouldn’t care beyond it being a possible image issue, and he genuinely thought that it wouldn’t hurt her. It’s actually Navier who is frequently bringing up that their marriage is one of convenience in her inner monologues— although I don’t doubt that she’s actually brought it up before as well, which probably wouldn’t help his assumptions that Navier wouldn’t be hurt if he brought a consort in.

Do you know why, it’s so upsetting to see Souvieshu mischaracterized? It’s because (outside of how people just slap on whatever term they think is fitting of him) Souvieshu’s side of the story is just as important as Navier’s when it comes to the intensity of the tragedy, that is their lost friendship and love. The gut wrenching heartbreak here, isn’t just from Navier being effectively cheated on, but it’s the fact that they both loved each other, and that all of this heartbreak could have been avoided if they both sincerely talked to each other without any hidden motives. Souvieshu didn’t seem like a bad guy before he took Rashta as his consort. As a matter of fact, I’m fairly certain that if Navier and Souvieshu had patched their relationship, and even confessed to one another, that Souvieshu would have brought Rashta in as a servant—possibly even asking Navier to make her a lady in waiting. Souvieshu wouldn’t have been so emotionally deprived to want Rashta, Navier wouldn’t have had reasons (that she couldn’t get past) to hate Rashta, and Rashta wouldn’t have had a reason to hate Navier.

And to be clear and reiterate, I do not like Souvieshu as a person. He’s a possessive, hypocritical freak, who didn’t take the time to actually get to know Navier again, and was almost always the instigator in their arguments. His love for Navier has warped and changed, and even if it’s ‘genuine’ in the sense that he sincerely loves her, it’s still not healthy. I am not an apologist, I just think he’s an interesting character. His character being misinterpreted, dilutes the tragedy of his relationship with Navier, full stop, and that is what frustrates me.

[nebula-blitzar]

Just kinda in the mood to post this so like

There’s a lot of rumors and speculations on how Fizz and Oz met and when so I thought I would share my personal theory.

I think when the incident first occurred, Mam freaked the fuck out because he had just signed a contract, had been doing work for him on the side, and made him lots of money. So Mam calls up Oz and asks him for prosthetics for cheap. They were decent quality (especially for the price,) and Oz had written instructions and stuck them to the prosthetics so Mam would see them. Mam, being the lazy ass he is, threw them away and just gave Fizz the prosthetics, with no guidance on how to use them.

Now Fizz was further indebted to Mammon, so he couldn’t really leave. He worked full time for him, and was still paid as much as he needed to get by (decent apartment, food). At some point along this timeline, Mam also had Asmodeus make the Fizz-bots, which lightened the load. But Fizz’s performances became more intense, and further put stress on him.

I do want to note I have a theory that imps with irises (all the time) have chronic anxiety or other problems. Since other imps’ irises only appear when they’re upset in some way, shape, or form. So that would be Barb, Blitzø, and Fizz. Cash didn’t have irises, but Tilla did, and since she was sick and shit, it kinda makes sense.

So with all of this stuff happening to Fizz and around Fizz with no one to help him, he had worsened anxiety. But he kept performing since he felt so indebted to Mammon. Around the four and a quarter year mark, Fizz started to feel some pain where his limbs were attached to his body. So he asked Mammon. Mam, being the asshole he is, said no, obviously, so he just kinda..kept performing through the pain.

Since the pain was persistent enough to get in the way of Fizz’s performances, he kept asking Mammon. Finally, Mam let him go do it so he would shut up about it. So Fizz and Oz finally got to meet in person, and they learned the problem was basically some pretty severe friction burns from not wearing them properly (y’know since Mam threw the instructions away) and so Oz was pissed about Mammon not listening to him (as always) and wanted to call him to give him a piece of his mind.

Fizz stops him, saying it’s a bad idea, and that Fizz will get in more trouble, so he doesn’t call Mam.

Then Fizz leaves, and Oz goes back to work, but not without texting Bee asking if they can meet up (if you don’t hc Bee and Ozzie as friends we can’t be friends/j) sometime soon. Bee is obviously like totes dude and a few days later, they meet up.

Oz asked to hang out to consult Bee on the fact he kinda had a crush on Fizz, Bee is super excited (duh) and is like tell me everything they talk more and come to the conclusion Oz has a genuine crush, and him and Fizz should talk more.

Oz doesn’t want to be awkward and text Fizz just to talk, but lucky for him, a few weeks later, Fizz applies for a job application at Ozzie’s, cause he wants to be able to afford some luxuries, and for that he needs more money, and Mammons not gonna give him a pay raise. Since Fizz actually is a really good fit for the job, he gets it.

Anyway the pair get really close both business wise and friend wise, and Fizz does more shifts at Ozzie’s. Mam isn’t actually that mad since he has the Fizz-Bots to perform, advertise and sell.

At some point near the five year mark, the pair kiss, and while both sides enjoy it, it keeps both of them up late. So the next day after Ozzie’s closes they talk it out and end up accidentally confessing their feeling to each other.

So yeah that’s first meeting, how they got together, and why they got to know each other. I am writing a fanfic about this in more detail, and this is probably not the last time I mention this theory, so stay tuned!

Ps thanks for reading this long ass rant lol

[drdemonprince]

How do you feel about “weaponized incompetence”

I see a lot of people talking about it, and I know it can definitely be a thing that people do purposefully, but so many things that fall under the umbrella seem like things that some neurodivergent people tend to struggle with.

I don't think a person needs to be consciously or intentionally weaponizing incompetence in order to leverage it for their benefit. Due to forces like systemic sexism, sometimes a weaponized incompetence dynamic plays out without anybody meaning it to.

Now of course, weaponized incompetence is absolutely a dynamic that some people deliberately create (famously, a husband or boyfriend knowingly washing the dishes poorly so his partner never asks him to do it again), but more often than not, it's the byproduct of capitalist overwork and alienation meeting sexist norms that play out on an intuitive level rather than some malicious, evil plan.

My ex-partner absolutely benefitted from weaponized incompetence; he was also almost certainly an undiagnosed ADHDer who was struggling, and not a bad guy. From my perspective, it didn't matter. I still ended up having to pay the bills, sign us up for all the utilities, figure out a new place to live three different times when our rent went up, hire the movers, remind him to get a new ID when his old one was expired and we had a flight coming up, find him a dentist when his tooth was aching, help him write emails for his work when he first got a job, ask him to clean things rather than being able to trust he would contribute, make all the decisions regarding decluttering the house, take care of our pet, etc etc etc.

He deserved more help than he ever got, as a (very likely) disabled person living under capitalism. But I also covered him and shouldered his life burdens in a way that made me miserable and offloaded a lot of his responsibilities onto me. It drove me nuts and made me dysphoric to admit it, but a large part of how we wound up in that dynamic was systemic sexism, because he was a cishet man and I wasn't.

All that said, and my considerable real-life biases having been put on the table, I do think it's the case that many disabled people are unfairly accused of 'weaponizing incompetence' when all that they've done is express a limitation as clearly as they possibly could, which ought to be a good thing. There is nothing wrong or manipulative with asking for help, or for articulating what you are and are not capable of as honestly as you can. (And this honest communication piece was absent in the relationship I am describing; he wouldn't even acknowledge that he wasn't and could not contribute to maintaining a life together in any practical way. When I tried to name that dynamic, he would shut down, walk away, say things were going to change without any plan for how that might happen, etc).

In much the same way that an excited Autistic person who is infodumping or communicating super clearly in order to be helpful can be unfairly branded a "mansplainer", lots of disabled people are seen unfairly as manipulative, lying about their limitations, taking advantage of other people, lazy, and weaponizing incompetence.

The trope of the fake disabled person who is just gaming the system cuts deep. It's pervasive and it's responsible for a lot of social problems that disabled people face, from impossibly difficult benefits applications programs, to cruel teachers who refuse to provide the accommodations to which their students are entitled, to abusive and neglectful partners who fail to meet their disabled loved one's needs. Arguably I even was one of those partners, even if I did have genuine reasons for grievance and very real disabilities of my own.

The reality is that the lines between all these things can be blurred, as a person's intent and their impact can be wildly different. people who are doing their best can still leverage sexism and leave a partner feeling taken advantage of. And a partner who feels taken advantage of can have real reasons for feeling that way and can also still be ableist, or even cruel and unfair to their disabled loved one. it's tough.

Thanks for the great question, it is one I think about a lot for obvious reasons.

[stackthedeck]

i normally really do not enjoy starker but dear god i need you to write the sad old dilfs fic

Sad old dilf (singular) Tony is still in his young, dumb, and full of you know playboy era. Hear me out, I'm at my most creatively fulfilled when I look at fanon or canon and I say "that has potential but poor execution, let me help you out, let me 'yes and' you" so here's my pitch for the kind of starker fic I could get on board with (Peter B Parker x 616 adjacent Tony Stark)

Peter B Parker, according to into the spider verse, is 38 years old, freshly divorced and for the sake of keeping him at his most sad and pathetic, the plot of into the spiderverse hasn't happened yet. He is crying in the shower, still wearing the spider suit, eating pizza as we speak

The last time Tony Stark's age was mentioned in the comics he was 34 (can you fucking believe he'd be 50 in the mcu currently) but I think this pairing would benefit from Tony having just finished his origin. So lets say this Tony has just realized the error of his ways and is trying to get this whole Iron Man thing to work and for the sake of drama he's still doing that thing where he pretends the iron man is his bodyguard because I love that. That'd put Tony in his mid-twenties

Spider-Man runs into Iron Man one night, at the top of Stark tower and Peter gives him a stay out of my city new guy I don't trust you kinda talk. Iron Man is like I know I'm new at this but I've got to do something good, I've got to make him for my past mistakes, I have all this power and I need to actually use it to help people. And Peter's like...okay I didn't ask for your whole backstory dude. He also makes a snide comment about Iron Man being that spoiled brat Tony Stark's bodyguard and Iron Man says that spoiled brat pays my bills. Peter is like damn is he taking applications? Iron Man gets really excited about this because Tony is of course inspired by the first superhero this city has ever had, the one protecting people for as long as he can remember. And Peter is like, I don't do team-ups or friendships, Spider-Man is a solo act right now. But he promises to help Iron Man out in an emergency, maybe give him some hero tips. Iron Man says he wants to help Spider-Man in any way he can but Peter kinda shrugs him off

There's like some Stark charity gala that Peter is forced to cover for the Daily Bugle but oh no a super villain attacks or some shit. Peter is like fuck I'm getting too old for this but puts the suit on anyways and somehow saves Tony before he can call the iron man armor. Spider-Man has to carry him out of the building which requires some kind of cradling. Spider-Man is like are you okay while like maybe holding his face or something. Tony who is instantly down bad for anyone that shows him the slightest bit of care is obsessed

the next day, Peter gets a call from the Bugle that Tony Stark wants to give them an interview, but he insists that Peter has to be the one to do it. Peter is like shit, the super genius put the pieces together but my life can't get worse so fuck it. He goes and Tony is like, you're the guy that takes pictures of Spider-Man can you give me his number. Peter is like what. Tony wants to sponsor Spider-Man and this instantly boils over into a fight because Peter thinks Tony is trying to buy Spider-Man and you can't just buy goodness, but Tony genuinely wants to help. Peter storms out and Tony slumps against his desk with a drink in his hand. He is now down bad for Peter because his type is older men that are mean to him *cough* daddy issues *cough*

Spider-Man and Iron Man work together for some save the world type thing idk I hate action set pieces. Peter mentions that Stark tried to buy him and Iron Man suggests that maybe he was just trying to help. Peter calls bullshit, but Tony pushes and says that he could give him some upgrades to his suit or Peter could work for Stark industries, with the webs like that, the guy behind the mask also has to be pretty smart. Peter tells him a hard no. But Peter gets back to his apartment to a pile of bills and no emails back from all the jobs he applied to. So he puts his masters in biochemistry to use and applies for a position at Stark Industries. He gets a call back the next day

Tony interviews him and even though he was hoping Spider-Man would apply, he needs to fill the position and Peter is undeniably qualified. Peter notices that Tony looks like shit, he looks exhausted and like he's drinking more than usual but also he's got bruises that Peter can't imagine a CEO having. After the interview is over, Peter reaches across the desk and takes Tony's hand and earnestly asks him if he's okay, maybe does the "who did this to you?" thing. Tony nearly starts crying and melts into a puddle at the same time. He does neither of those things thankfully and tells Peter he's got the job, no reason to kiss his ass. Peter rolls his eyes and says that he can be concerned without wanting Tony's money

Peter starts at Stark Industries and he's working in the lab...with Tony. He's surprised that Tony is still getting his hands dirty and he's even more surprised that the CEO wants to work with him even though he's just a new hire. Tony needs someone with biochemical experience for three reasons, he wants the vital measurements in the iron man suit to be more precise, Stark Industries used to make chemical weapons and he wants to make treatments for the victims, and he wants to improve his chest plate and treat his heart condition. Peter is like holy shit none of that is for profit that's so sexy

As they work together, they actually become friends and at the same time, Spider-Man and Iron Man are teaming up more often. After months of working with the Iron Man armor, watching Tony try on and test the armor, Peter puts two and two together, but he understands the importance of secret identities so he keeps it to himself, but he does feel bad about the double life he's created with Tony and he can't help but compare it to how that foundation of lies was what made his and MJ's relationship so unstable in the first place

It's the anniversary of MJ and Peter's divorce and Peter is fucking distraught but comes into work anyway. Tony is like you look like shit man and Peter explains. Tony gives Peter the day off and offers to go bar hopping with him. Peter gets mad at him because he knows that Tony is pushing himself too hard just like Peter did at his age. He tells him that he's still young, still has a chance to make something of his life why is he throwing it away on drinking and this party boy life and wasting away in a lab with an old burnt-out weirdo like Peter. In the middle of Peter yelling at Tony, Tony kisses him says some cheesy pick-up line about maybe he likes being yelled at by older men.

They take the elevator to Tony's penthouse in the tower and they sleep together, Tony probably calls him daddy. Peter mostly does it because he misses MJ but also maybe he likes Tony too, he definitely cares about him. But he's also having a crisis because he's a decade older than Tony but Tony is also his boss oh god what's the responsible thing to do here. Tony is down bad for Peter, he wants this so desperately to work, needs this to work because no other relationship has given a shit about him like Peter B Parker has

Tony obviously moves too fast and instantly tries to start doing romantic gestures for Peter, nice dinners, gifts, getting physical while they're working together, etc. And Peter just kinda lets it happen like he's not opposed to dating Tony and he's definitely physically attracted to him, but he's not sure if he's ready for a romantic relationship

and then idk after that Tony probably reveals that he's iron man and Peter is like fuck I feel really bad about not telling him I'm Spider-Man and that's only going to make things more complicated. Maybe Peter tries to break it off and Tony kinda spirals so Peter as the older more responsible one feels the need to continue to care for Tony. Maybe Peter thinks they're just fwb when Tony has caught feelings idk

[nagirambles]

Hiya I was wondering do you have any HCs on Macao as a father figure ? (We didn’t see much of Macao bonding with Romeo , that and I feel like Macao would teach Natsu new tricks like how Natsu remember Macao advice while fighting Erigor , maybe even Macao treating Cana for some ice cream when she was younger or maybe Macao being a decent father figure towards Lucy or just Macao going on a shopping spree with Kinana ?)

I think Macao’s the key ‘male adult’ reference for a lot of the guild younger generation. Wakaba would be too, but Macao’s got more ‘dad’ to him, while Wakaba’s the weird uncle. They just collectively decided to pseudo-adopt all the children once they came in, though they don’t exactly do a good job. Mind if I include Wakaba in this headcanon ramble?

Macao would be Cana’s first good father figure, of course. He invited her in to begin with, and he probably walked her home to the orphanage afterward. He’d talk to her most, and he’s probably also the reason she got an alcohol addiction. They have a special bond, and are definitely much more like father and daughter than Gildarts (not to cheapen that relationship though, it’s just different). I’d like to think Cana gets plenty of dumb habits from him, like the way she sits vulgarly, the way she laughs, all those little things people won’t notice unless they looked closely. 

I’d like to think Laxus and Gray got into smoking because of Wakaba. Wakaba is of course the first to associate with Gray, but before that, I’d think they were both interested in Wakaba because of his delinquent-type image. Pompadours, though they look lame, are actually stereotypical for Japanese delinquent culture. You associate them with gangs, yakuza, etc, and I like to think Wakaba used to be one, and thus, Laxus and Gray aspired to be as cool as he was, and that brought them to their edgy personalities. 

Gildarts is the one that seized ‘custody’ of Natsu, but Macao fought tooth and nail for that and lost, I reckon. (I like to think he still fights for Cana’s sometimes.) Macao and Wakaba’s first interaction with Natsu definitely involved the fact that the kid’s a fire mage. Natsu was probably super intrigued by that unique fire magic for a while, until everyone realized Natsu’s was much more unique. I like to think Macao and Wakaba loved bragging about the things their magic could do (Macao’s sticky fire to Natsu, Wakaba’s uniquely-shaped and moving smoke to Gray, etc) and thus, adores it when the kids find new applications for their magic. 

In the same way Macao and Wakaba suggested for Cana to learn Card magic, I like to think they suggested for Lisanna and Elfman to learn Take Over, and probably helped them find the books and guidance necessary.  

Sometimes, Macao and Wakaba look at the state of the children and wonder where they went wrong in raising them. They were genuinely trying, too. 

I like to think the kids still go to them when they need somewhere to hide, or someone to talk to when they’re troubled. Or even just someone to drink with and hopefully ask no questions (usually Cana). I like to think the girls used to bring Macao and Wakaba around to shop for presents for their wives on birthdays and anniversaries, because their tastes in gifts are horrible. Despite that, they will still force Macao and Wakaba to bring them to good shops when they need to buy presents for the other kids, because they need recommendations to good places, and second opinions on specific gifts. 

In that vein, the kids definitely start rambling about miscellaneous topics out of excitement around them, eg Laki about books, Erza about new armour on the market, Natsu about the taste of fire, etc. Macao and Wakaba just gotta listen and nod at the right times, they don’t mind. 

The kids are very strict on these two, often chiding them and lecturing them over little nothings, like if they’re drinking or not taking care of their kids, or lounging doing nothing, or whatever. Wakaba and Macao thinks it’s really weird how they’ve started acting like mothers. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around. They now fear the kids because they’ll sometimes just come in and start nagging them to get a damn job. 

Despite the kids now earning a lot more money than Macao and Wakaba, they never ask for money or support from the kids. The kids always insist, but Macao and Wakaba are very stern on not accepting any financial aid. They compromise by treating Romeo and Wakaba’s daughter to free food and other things every time they meet them in the guild or out. chance upon them. These kids are spoiled to death as long as they stay in Magnolia. 

[mikecrewsteacup]

Hi! Your “who howls my name” fic is literally my favorite fic on a03 right now. Im really fucking enjoying it and am so excited for everything you’ve got planned. Absolutely loved the “from gerard to gerry” in the last chapter.

I’ve got two questions. One, is there any particular fan art you have that shows how you imagine jon and Gerry in the fic? I know a lot of people imagine them different ways, and even though I usually go for majority fanon jon (dark hair, darker skin, short) I’ve noticed you describe him a little differently so I was just curious.

Second question, are we ever gonna get Georgie and Melanie? This one’s just out of personal curiosity bc they are my favorites and I would love to see them meet Gerry! (Not even entertaining a possibility where they AREN’T girlfriends) (Jkjk)

Thanks for all your work and time going into this fic! You are very talented and I can’t wait to read the rest 🥰😍

!!! This is so sweet to hear, thank you anon for letting me know you like it so much :) I am also loving working on it - it's one of my faves - but my self-confidence that others will like my output is a fickle thing, so this is so kind of you to reach out and let me know you're enjoying it. Gerard-to-Gerry reveals are some of my favorite things to read haha so I was super excited to do my own take on it, I'm thrilled you enjoyed. So it's funny, you're the second person to ask about my headcanons for this fic for their appearances! Which isn't bad at all, but my choice to make Jon blond was a genuinely random one and based on wanting him to feel sort of washed-out and homely with his white-plagued hair LMAO but I'd say I typically imagine him in my head differently! But here is someone who draws blond Jon who I ADORE the art of, and they just came to tumblr from twt too. I don't quite imagine him with an undercut, though... (Also I'll say that I actually usually imagine Jon like how this person draws him, I just had to pick a hair color in chapter 3 or 4 of the fic and blond won, lol.) As for Gerry, I imagine him looking on the more masc and plain end of goth - with piercings but little to no makeup, heavy boots & leather jacket, etc. Here are some great fanarts that are mostly how I imagine Gerry (and the first art of blond Jon has a Gerry design I enjoy as well, for hair/facial structure). (There is another artist who's nearly 100% it but I cannot find them, they're only on twt and someone recently reposted their art here tho...hm.) I don't personally imagine Gerry has lip rings or gauges or even wears eyeliner (he seems both too practical and too tired for shit that can get caught on things, or that would cause extra pain, or that would require constant re-application) but I do tend to think of him as having multiple ear piercings & probably a bridge as his facial piercing. There is actually an entire future conversation in my doc for this fic where he and Jon discuss his piercings! :D And ooh, Georgie & Melanie! Georgie will likely remain as mentions only, but Melanie actually has an entire pre-written scene (which I may need to rewrite to keep the flow), so she will almost definitely appear :) And yes they are always girlfriends LOL. In order to keep a tighter grip on the length & plot we will probably only meet Archives cast, and not all of those, either. Thanks so much for messaging me! It's very sweet of you to say so ksdjfksdf and nice to hear <3 I hope you keep reading and enjoying :D

[fasa-umich]

Justine Coteng, FASA's 2022 - 2023 Secretary

1: deez nuts

Hi slays 😌 I can’t believe I have reached the end of my time as FASA secretary - it feels like it was only yesterday that I stepped into Palmer Boardroom 5 for the first time 😋

me and alyssa being the first two people at the board transition meeting because everyone else was late getting food

Before I get into the details of being a board member, I’ll talk about joining FASA in general. I became a member in the Fall of 2021 when I was a sophomore (for the first time lol). It all began when I attended Festifall and frantically searched for a “Filipino club.” After I snatched up the free goodies at the Snackpass table, I made my way over to the section of the Diag that was lined with cultural orgs. It took me about 5 minutes to squeeze my way through the mass of people, but I eventually saw someone waving the Philippine flag. A lot was going on and I was pretty overwhelmed, so I honestly don’t remember who I saw or spoke to. All I know is that I was excited to find out that there was an actual student org for Filipino students! 

the picture I took after I walked away from the FASA table at Festifall (why did I call it the filipino club bye)

To be honest, I wasn’t super involved during my first semester of FASA. I attended events once every couple of months, but it wasn’t until PCN committees that I actually started committing (get it? because committees 😀) to our organization. For those few months leading up to PCN, I got to see how passionate our members are about our culture. It was seeing that passion that encouraged me to be more involved with FASA - I knew I wanted to be part of a group that genuinely loves its culture and the people within it.

figure 3: the first existing pictures of me and christian at pcn committee meeting <3 

2: wakanda forever

Fast forward a few months, I decided to run for E-board! The two people that I want to give credit for encouraging me are Emily Madlambayan and Amanda Sutherby. Hearing both of you tell me that I’d be a great fit for board played a huge role in my decision to send in an application, so thank you for supporting me :’)

I was pretty nervous to give my speech during elections. Even though I felt like I knew a good amount of people in FASA, I still didn’t really know the other people running for board. It was a bit intimidating to see that a lot of the other candidates had spent a few months together as interns while I was coming in as a silly little non-intern. However, I’m so glad that I didn’t let my nerves deter me from running. I can’t imagine not having my booty gals by my side!

first board pic!

Throughout this last year of being on E-board, there have been a lot of ups and a few downs.

Ups 😄:

Memories

So many fun times! Here are a few favs of mine:

Tinik on the Diag: I didn’t think I would be able to do Tinik, but honestly I kinda slayed

Halo-Halloween: ya’ll remember those two tacos? (hi catrina)

FASAxPASS Tailgate: I just want to thank Celeste for grilling it UP that day 😮‍💨

Fishing & Unionizing: the weeks that I decided to study with FASA friends were the weeks that I got absolutely nothing done… but it was worth it!

All I Ask… Choir Kids edition

me & meedja milly at fasaxpass tailgate <3

Friends: I have gotten so much closer to people that I don’t think I would’ve gotten close to. It’s hard not to form friendships with people you see all the time, but it’s even harder not to bond with people when everyone is so dope!! I am truly so grateful for the friends I’ve made on board - I don’t think I would’ve made it through the trenches without you all :’)

Growth: Being on E-board taught me so many things, both related and unrelated to FASA. It’s obviously super interesting to see the behind-the-scenes of a student organization, but I also appreciate the growth that came out of sticky situations. For instance, I had to be okay with last-minute changes, denied requests, and miscommunications. Although these things were frustrating in the moment, I ended up learning how to handle those types of situations so that I can slay them in the future!

Downs 😔:

Emmanuel: iykyk

Booking practice rooms in East Quad:🧍🏻‍♀

Burnout: Board burnout is so real. When an E-board is made up of people that truly want to provide the best experience for other members, it’s hard not to reach a point of burnout. It really does take a lot of energy to create and plan out events every week or two! Future boardies, please remind yourselves often that you have a whole group of people that are willing to support you if you need anything. You don’t need to take on too much by yourself - and you shouldn’t, as it will only lead to more stress!

how to cure boardie girl burnout = go hub tubbin

3: slay

I feel like this testimonial has been super chaotic whoops so let me wrap it up😎

To the 2023-2024 executive board: 

I am so excited to see what you all do with FASA! You are all capable of so much - I already know that you’re gonna make this another amazing year for everyone in this org. As I talked about before, burnout is real so please take care of yourselves! 

This year is going to go by so much faster than you think. Enjoy every moment you spend with your fellow boardies, even when you aren’t feeling 100% up to it. By the end of the next year, you’re not gonna believe it’s over (I still don’t!). 

To the next secretary:

hi slay <3 We can talk all about the logistics of what it means to be secretary, but the one thing I really want to emphasize is that your role is vital to the success of the rest of board! There were times when I felt like I wasn’t doing enough or I was ~useless~ because I wasn’t responsible for planning any events while my fellow boardies were slaying with all of their creative ideas. However, having a different role from the rest of board does not mean that your position is less important. Give yourself grace and try to remind yourself of the uniqueness of your role and what it brings to the table! 

To the 2022-2023 executive board: 

I’m so thankful to have been on board with each of you. Thank you for all of the laughs and support throughout this last year. Having to transition to the nursing program (yuck) at the same time as becoming part of FASA board was more difficult than I thought it would be, but I managed to get through it because I knew I could turn to any of you if I felt overwhelmed about anything. The time we spent on board together is something that I will always look back fondly on. So much love 🫶🏼

we definitely didn’t forget caitlin at first…

To FASA:

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to explore my culture alongside some of the most genuine, fun, amazing people I know. Being a part of FASA has been one of the best parts of my college experience, and I know that my time as a member will have a lasting impact on me even after I graduate <3

To the person reading this right now:

ur mom

[vrmxlho]

hi zaina, im taking you up on your prev post ab anons getting things off their chest. first off, i adore your blog and your writing (esp speak easy speak love), and thank you for doing this ^^

i got waitlisted by a college i really wanted to go to. dream school and whatnot, it had a 20% acceptance rate and i got waitlisted. this is after i had a really shitty application cycle and overall a bad year in 2022 and i was liek: YEAH 2023 is going to be my year. for a while, it was. i got called for a scholarship interview, selected to possibly go to a t5 uni but that fell through. this entire admissions cycle I’ve just gotten “almosts” but never “yes”. and i know it’s not all black and white, but a rejection is a rejection, yk??? it reallly crushes me because i know how hard i worked for this. i really wanted to go to these places and getting those almost rejections makes me feel so horrible. i genuinely want to give up and stop trying because then i know i won’t be disappointed again. and i know adult life has literally just stated for me but why should i put myself through that struggle to eventually end up disappointed anyways?

sorry for the rant. i think ill get over it soon.sorry if this is overwhelming. have a great day :)

hi anon, first of all ty for the compliments i almost forgot about that smau but yk what i might just post it now 😭😭

anyway to what you were saying. i completely understand what you mean, last year i was in the same position as you, i had gotten acceptances in the uk but i had gotten rejected from all my uni applications in the us, the biggest hit was columbia because that’s where my brother went and he had always told me he’d know i’d get in. and i got an interview and everything and then i open my portal and there’s just a that stupid letter saying “unfortunately”. and it really hurt. because i’d always wanted to go there. it’s in new york it’s in the middle of everything and it’s a fucking ivy league. but no.

and i completely get you on the 2022 being a shit year. in my case it was the year before 2021, i failed my y12 mocks and i had a predicted of 35/45 which isn’t bad but for the unis i wanted to apply to it was very low. i had to beg my uni counsellor to even let me apply to some of my choices. but i got into a great uni here in the uk and i worked my ass off to get top grades and several scholarships to get almost a full ride.

i feel like telling you to work hard just isn’t going to help so let me say this. hard work doesn’t always pay off, especially with unis and i know it’s sad and horrible but that’s just the case. but just know that work ethic is going to help you so so much, i was always a lazy person but after working so hard for the ib now uni is so much simpler because i’m able to work focused and dedicated and finish everything i need to do on time. and ik you’ve probably heard this before but waitlisted is not a rejection, it’s not an almost rejection either. and let’s not forget that getting into a uni with 20% acceptance rate is insanely difficult and just so yk i’m so so proud of you for all the work you’ve put into your application and i wish you luck in this endeavour.

last thing cuz this is getting so long, my friend did this a while back to get out of a waitlist, but write letters to your uni about how excited you are for this opportunity, ask for updates on your application and be super super annoying about this. ask them every other day and tell them just how grateful you are for the opportunity. worst case you stay on the waitlist. but best case you get a place, it’s worked before so. feed into their ego!!

i hope you know that you’re not alone and there are thousands of people who feel the way you do and you all deserve a place at your top school.

[hotchley]

🐨 Hello hello! It’s been a minute! I kinda forgot to send stuff. Let’s see, what’s going on….

In three months, I turn eighteen, and in five months (how is it only five months??) I graduate high school. That is insane and a little terrifying. Like, I’m ready to be done with high school, but at least I know high school, you know? College is an unknown variable and I don’t know what’ll happen. I’m optimistic about it, but it’s hard not to be dreading it a bit.

The poetry is going well! I had another poem accepted by a literary magazine, which I was super excited about. Speech is also going well. I’m giving a speech about heteronormativity, and it’s been really amazing to get to talk about something that I care about so much and have people listen. I’ve tried to explain to so many people so many times what heteronormativity is and why it drives me crazy, so it’s nice to feel like I’m actually doing something, even if it’s something small as a speech.

Oh! Guess what? I won my first ever speech tournament!! We were in another state and me and my roommates stayed up watching late night shows because I love those, and it turns out they do too! And the road trip was chaotic and amazing. Hearing my name called as first place and my teammates cheering and getting a standing ovation (that’s just speech etiquette, but still felt very cool!) was seriously amazing.

I’ve finished all my college applications, so now I just wait. I’ve heard back from a few…all positive so far, but there’s one with a 6% acceptance rate that’s my dream school but it’s insanely hard to get into. I’m thinking I’ll go into journalism. I love writing, and I want to do something that’ll help people/make a difference, so. It seems like a good option. But I have four years of college to figure that out, haha.

I’ve always wondered the difference between a barrister and a solicitor! In America, we have different types of lawyers like attorneys and prosecutors. It can get a bit confusing.

I get to go to a wedding in a few months! My karate senseis. We’ve known they’re getting married for awhile, but we got our official invitations at class last night, so that was cool. I’ve never been to a wedding before, except for one when I was 4 that I don’t really remember. Both the senseis are really awesome people, so I’m excited to get to go and celebrate them.

I was looking through your other blog again…I still adore your writing. Your poetry is so powerful. It definitely inspires me and my writing! And I’m still keeping a Happy Jar on my phone :)

Hi. Hi. Hi. Ummmmm... there is no reason for why I haven't answered asks apart from the simple: I haven't. I have no idea when you sent this but it was an embarrassing amount of time ago. I am hoping it hasn't been three months?

It's always terrifying! I felt the same way because I spent seven years at the school. I was genuinely terrified I wouldn't be able to handle being away from there because they have always kept me okay. But it's been several months since I left and I'm doing okay. Things settled. So be cautiously optimistic, and like I always tell kiddos, your education will always be waiting for you when you're ready. That's how it works. So there's never a rush.

Ah that's so good! I'm so glad you get to do it on something you like. And it's not just a speech. When I was in year eight, I did a speech workshop that was also a competition and I talked for a minute about the value of a human life. People cried. People three years later still remembered it. Our words, whether written or in passing, impact people. Something my friend said months ago that she's forgotten about has stuck with me. It'll be a good speech. It will have impact.

And congratulations on winning!! That's amazing and so cool and you really deserved it!

Journalism is so cool! I mean, you've tried to get in. Rejection is always hard, and if it happens, you need to let yourself feel sad and cry and whatever, but the knowledge that you didn't get in is infinitely better than the sadness of not even trying. I promise.

It's more that barristers go to court and solicitors usually don't. The main reason there hasn't been fusion is because of tradition and also the way people are paid is different- barristers are self-employed, solicitors usually aren't etc.

I LOVE WEDDINGS! I went to two last year, and I also went to the pre-wedding functions which was an experience. One was my cousin- her and her husband are the sweetest- and the other was my dad's friends daughter. That was during my A-Levels, which was chaos, but it was also my first English wedding so that was super cool! Weddings are fun for me because i love love and speeches and the dressing up and aah.

Awww. I think that's the nicest compliment I've ever been given about my writing! The Happy Jar has migrated to a notebook for 2023 and it's much, much easier now so the phone was the way to go!

[thatonedovahkiin]

Oh boy long rant ahead

TW for mention of animal death & grieving initially. Nothing gruesome or super detailed, just a mention.

So, a couple of months ago, my sweet boy Tramp passed away.

If you've followed me since like at least 2013, you've definitely seen me post photos of my sweet wrinkly boy.

The grieving process has been very difficult, but I'm finally at the point where I'm okay enough to continue and I've even started therapy (which was a HUGE step for me). Now I feel like I'm ready to adopt a puppy and start anew.

The way I see it is that Tramp will send us a puppy when he feels like we're ready. I've been scrolling through animal rescues and local shelters to just..get a feel for what I can expect to see, and to really confirm with myself that I'm ready to see a new little face every day now.

I saw one puppy and I got really emotional the moment I saw him. He looked exactly like Tramp when he was a puppy and I just..lost it. He was born the day before my bubby passed, and was taken into the animal rescue the day that he passed. That date is already really hard, and I initially thought that his puppy was his way of being reincarnated essentially. Because he was literally born the day before Tramp crossed the rainbow bridge.

I admittedly got ahead of myself and immediately submitted an inquiry for the puppy after talking to Branden about it and he gave the green-light. A few days pass after I submit the inquiry and I get a call from the rescue, and they ask me some stuff about my application and about Tramp. They explained to me their adoption process and it's...pretty complicated and lengthy. First they have a foster-to-adopt process, meaning we keep the puppy for a week to see if they're a right fit, and if they are then we submit payment and confirm appointments (some have a HARD date that cannot be changed) and if we don't meet certain appointments or requirements, they can take the puppy back. And they kept asking about one treatment that I never gave to Tramp.

Growing up, Tramp had a really extensive medical history. I found out that he survived distemper/parvo when he was really young and is part of why his immune system was so delicate throughout his life. There were certain medications and treatments I skipped, but that was bc we couldn't afford everything and it would genuinely slip our minds. But I feel like the rescue wasn't too happy with my answers, and it's been about a week since the last call.

So since it's been a while, I also wanted to reevaluate my decision and look again. The day after I submitted that initial inquiry, one of my friends sent me a puppy that's available for adoption that's closer to me. She said that the puppy reminded her of Tramp. Which, appearance wise, I didn't really see. But looking at him again, I understood what she meant.

Recently I've gotten into witchcraft and have been doing it on and off since 2020, and it's really helped me out with a lot. I seriously picked it back up after the boy passed, and to help me cope and be at peace with the decisions we had to make for him, I turned to witchcraft and basically spirituality. One sign that pets send when they've crossed the bridge is that they can send fellow pets/animals our way to help us be happy. Another is if you're considering on adopting or even are just looking, if a friend/family member sends you an animal that reminds them of the pet that has passed, that's a sign from the spirit.

That being said, I looked at that puppy again that my friend sent and essentially got some confirmation about him, and we're going to go see him today. I'm excited and nervous!! But, if he's the one, then I'll know. If he's not, then it's okay and I will see it as a learning opportunity. Tramp knows when the time is right and who will be the right one.

BUT! This morning I got an email from the first rescue saying that they'll call me later tonight to continue with my application process. I'm going to see the other puppy today and we're not sure if we're going to adopt him. If we do, what do I tell the other shelter? And even if we don't, I'm not sure if I'd like to work with a shelter with such strict requirements. Don't get me wrong, I ABSOLUTELY understand why they have these requirements, and I don't disagree with them in any way. However, personally, I'm forgetful, clumsy, and sometimes we get in some financial binds that will cause me to skip some medicines or treatments. If I have people helicoptering over me about a puppy, that..doesn't make me feel safe or worthy of the pup. Again, I get it. But I myself can't handle it. And I'm not sure what to tell the shelter.

TL;DR: I'm at a point in my grieving process where I'm ready to adopt a new family member in my life. I saw one initially and jumped the gun, but stepped back and realized it may not be right. A friend sent me another pup that reminded her of my dog that recently passed, with the tools of witchcraft I basically learned and confirmed that this pup may be the one since it's a sign. I'm meeting that pup today, and the 1st rescue I talked to about the 1st pup JUST emailed me back and will finish my application w/ an interview, but I don't know if I even want to bc they seem very strict (understandably so).

OH BOY YEAH SO THAT'S ONE THING THAT'S BEEN GOING ON IN MY LIFE THESE LAST COUPLE OF MONTHS

AND HOOOOO BOY DO I HAVE SO MUCH MORE

[broomswept-thoughts]

Feeling really stressed, kinda hungry, don’t know what to do... Kinda want chips. Maybe I’ll eat olives? Feeling stressed, stomach hurty. Feeling really stressed actually about the Vandebilt interview, and I can’t stop thinking about it. Ugh, stomach hurty. Stomach hurty. I’m really anxious about the interview, like I loved talking with Raymond about his experiences at the school, it sounds like such a great and awesome school and I get the Good Vibes from it (to be fair, I’ve always felt good vibes from Vanderbilt since I went to the very first informational session two years ago. Actually three years ago, when I got rejected from their summer MSTP program). I really love the mentorship aspect, and how the classes seem to be so focused on ensuring that everyone gets a quality education without shreking them overtime with stress that can be prevented. I really like how genuine and supportive the school and curriculum and admin and just people in general seem, and it feels just like Vassar in that sense. Like yes, Vassar has its faults, but the feeling that people genuinely care (even if they might be disconnected, etc.) and that people are there to learn because they’re interested in learning, is something that I really admire a lot.

But while I’m super happy that Vanderbilt seems like a school that would be a good fit for me and my personality, I’m now at this stage of “oh shit, better not fuck it up! I’m getting expectations, so I better not fuck it up!!!” feeling. Like I really want to get in now, more than I felt about Emory at least, and maybe Mount Sinai. I mean, it’s not like I have interview invites from any other schools (which is also, in itself, something that makes me want to freak out and lose my shit entirely but), but also I just really love how it’s like a Super Pass Fail school too. Like clinicals being P/F? That’s kinda amazing AF, like I love that. The only school right now that I would really consider (within the schools that I applied that are around the Vanderbilt calibre or lower) that I would go to even if clinicals weren’t P/F (which is basically everywhere) and if preclinicals were graded too, would be UCLA just because the research is exactly what I want, the location is great, and it has a lot of clinical opportunities in the nearby vicinity that I’m very intrigued by. Damn, what a decision if I had the chance to choose between these two schools. But for now? Really not an option in mind. And this is also why second look day is a thing too. Anywhooo.

I guess a part of why I’m also very very excited/ anxious about getting in is the possibility of being able to quit this job early. I really hate being in this lab so much. I feel sick with the idea of staying here for longer than I have to; I gave myself May at latest, but if I, by some actual miracle, got into Vanderbilt’s MSTP program, then I would genuinely consider leaving in March (to give myself 3 more months of a break and go to Japan for an extended period of time). Of course, the biggest caveat would be the stupid lease, but I would try to probably negotiate to leave or at least paying a lower amount. And worst case scenario, I would have to just pay the full price, which would be ass but I would take that into account in considering how much to save I guess. And I guess I would save like a manic lol, but also I have money saved that I just never used  for med school apps. So there’s that, at least, which would cover maybe 2 months of rent? I just really really really hate this job with a burning passion, so if I can leave earlier, I’ll be happier. And I would love to be accepted as soon as possible, and get out. I just can’t, I really want to leave pretty badly, I’m so done with this work environment.

But anywho, that’s the best best best case scenario. Leaving this lab in March after being accepted in December? Literally a godsend, I would faint from relief. And I would be able to withdraw my application from at least several schools too, which would feel reaaaal nice. Only several though, like I would keep the ones that I want to stay around for location reasons, at least (like UMass and Rochester probably). But I would def take out UCinncinati and UAB... yep. And anyway, this is the best case scenario. More likely that I would either get an acceptance late (February, maybe even off of a waitlist in April or May) or just straight rejected too. So there’s that.

I mean, in the beautiful world where I am presuming I would be accepted somewhere, the worst case scenario would be getting in somewhere in June and starting somewhere right away. So the worst case scenario would still involve me being in lab but leaving before August probably. I would hate that, because it would mean I wouldn’t be able to go back to Japan? But I would still leave lab before August, thankfully. Which, in any case, would be less than a year. So thank fuck for that.

But anyway, I’m in general just kinda stressed for the interview in the sense that, I really, really, really want to get into Vanderbilt. I could totally see myself being there, and also being happy as a medical and MSTP student there too. It feels like a good fit, and it makes me scared af to think of being absolutely devastated if I don’t get in. Like whew, that would be some major disappointment times. But I guess if that happens, then I’ll just eat yummy food, cry, and then rinse and go back to work lol. Maybe I’ll have another interview or something by that point too, idk. It’s just a weird, stressful time to have no other interviews and truly living life on the edge in a way that I simply do not want lol. It makes me extremely nervous and afraid of wtf is going to happen.

Gosh darn. I just want to be accepted and then get tf out. I’m so done with this place. I just feel anxiety and upset and frustration and trepidation and just bad feelings. I know this upcoming week won’t be as bad, but I’m still kind of really not okay with how I’m living my life as it is now. Sigh...

Anywho, no one from this lab has also been accepted into Vanderbilt so ig that may be a first. A few have gotten into UCSF though, so that’s kinda wild ngl. But tbh, no one has really gone anywhere like the tippy top level places recently (which is fine, not to knock on the postbacs), but I wonder if it’s because mentoring has been straight trash as of late. Who knows. I want to succeed, I don’t care. But I know it’s because, not this lab, but the previous experiences I’ve had prior that will be helping me through because goddaaaaaamn I’m not even going to deal with this place longer than I have to or more closely that I have to. Jeez.

Anyway... my first order of business is to do the best that I can in the interview. Thankfully, it sounds like it’ll be more chill and just a conversation... So hopefully I can just be a chill person, be interested in what the other person has to say and just enjoy having someone who is also probably interested in me too! So we love that, semi-requited love time. I think that’ll be nice, honestly. I’ll brush up on the research that I wrote about, my why medicine and why MD/PhD essays, and make an outline of what I’ll say for the biggest questions (which are those plus why Vanderbilt). When I have those down and done, I think the rest will be more relaxed and just an interesting conversation to have. I feel like I’ve been trained by conversations from Trevor as well as with Tammy and Quey on just wack and deep conversations, so I think if I’m relaxed and don’t overthink it, it’ll be more fun than horrible, judgement time. I think it can and should be more interesting, because I’ll finally be able to understand the school in a way that I can’t get from constantly scouring reddit and r/premed and sdn. So it’ll be really valuable and good info that I can glean too.

I don’t think it’ll be bad, it’s just always scary before the interview/ presentation/ performance. But I’m genuinely excited for the interview and learning more about Vanderbilt. I’m really, really excited, honestly, and I think that the excitement and anxiety are kinda glomping together into one so that makes it slightly unpleasant? But also I want to keep the good vibes and expectations for at least an interesting first interview going forward.

Worst case scenario, the interview is an absolute disaster, I can’t talk, the interviewers’ expressions are :/ or like :( or >:( (idk how tf but still), and I get rejected right away in December. It is what it is, I’ll wait around for other interviews if I may get any, and continue doing what I’ve been doing for the past year plus and just tolerating my workplace. I can also look into other jobs (!) that will excite me and bring me some peace in comparison to this hellscape. Always good and nice to look forward to the end of my time here with the added bonus of having money. I might not be insured for a few months, but I’ll make the most of the insurance that I *do* have and so that’s why I’ll stay until January at the very earliest (and honestly for a bit longer just to get my finances in check and collect my sweet sweet stipend moneys). February would be the absolute earliest I would/ could leave, I think, since I currently have enough for just 2 months worth of rent in my med school savings for apps. This will also be a very happy problem to have too lol. And also I need to be in the country at least long enough to attend 2nd visit day (or I guess the 1st visit day bc no interviews in person lol). So on the off chance that I only get into Vanderbilt, then I would really like to still visit Nashville and check out the area. I’d have no other options lol, but it would still be very important for me to go. And hopefully it would be in March, and that’s why the actual realistically earliest time I would leave lab/ for Japan is in March I think. Which would give me maybe 2.5 months to be in Japan. Which isn’t that bad, I could actually celebrate my birthday in Japan and be there in the spring for the first time in my living memory. Wow, that would be so beautiful, I would love to do that. I’ve never actually celebrated my birthday in Japan before, I. Yes, that would be so lovely, I would love that so so so much. Anywho, that’s the dream, to get into a place, be able to finish viewing the school, and be in Japan by April. That would be the serious dream. And then maybe be in Japan for as long as I possibly can before I have to pack up and move to wherever (Nashville, if I’m going there) in maybe the 1st or 2nd week of June. Speedrun through seeing my friends, preparing to move, all that jazz, potentially sneak in a visit to New York, and then jumping off to who knows where. And then starting my lifetime journey of a MD/PhD in June. Holyyyy shitaki.

Now, this is basically my dream plan on the off chance that I get in (and only get in) to Vanderbilt, which I seriously woul dhave 10000000% no problem with at all. If I got into another school or whatnot, then. This would be very different. For example, if said school started in August or did XYZ, whatever, then it would be different. Of course, not something I can control or predict, even less than with Vanderbilt. But also just another potential wrench into this plan. But I would love love LOVE to go back to Japan in the spring, that would be an absolute dream. I want to celebrate my birthday with oomama, I would want that so much. And I would want to see the cherry blossoms in Japan. I think I’d cry. I would want that so much.

Maybe even if a different school had 2nd look day or whatever in April, I would choose to miss it if I’m in Japan. Like this opportunity to be there is just too precious to me, unless it was like to Harvard or UCLA or something, i would just say yolo, I’m either A) not going and/or b) def doing it remote, please and thanks. Honestly, if I get into Vanderbilt, a lot lot LOT of things would feel easier and I can just chillax. But yeah, that’s kind of a big ask lol. Because I’m asking to get accepted ASAP and set up my life ASAP too. I can dream lol.

But yeah, I mean. If I can go back to Japan even in May, then that would be lovely. Maybe if I get rejected from Vanderbilt but accepted to a place that starts in August, I could leave in May like I had planned anyway. It would still be earlier than when I started, yes, but I’m not going to care much at that point because I have my reasons and they’re valid and this job isn’t a contracted position for 2 years. I have done ENOUGH. They’ll manage or figure something out, and I shall very leave lol.

I just want to 1. get into a MD/PhD program and 2. take time off to not be hell-bent on applications and being stressed and pressured and strained to the max by this lab that can’t manage itself. And ideally 3. go back to Japan. These are what I’m looking for! And I want to get into Vanderbilt so much. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be and if not, then that’s that. I can’t predict if I’ll be accepted in the first wave or even at all, but it sure would be nice... Sigh. I just feel the sinking preemptive feeling of a waitlist, or a rejection. I’m just so used to having seen those for undergrad, and I’m kinda scared of that sadness and disappointment. But no one will know anything until the very end, at least. Maybe I’ll just be waitlisted in December, I can take that. Or rejected, which will be sad but maybe it’ll mean that something else will come up, or I’m meant to focus more on my work or clinical volunteering or whatnot, or just not concern myself with Vanderbilt anymore. It will be okay. Things and life will continue to happen, even if they are very not what I have planned or have originally wanted, and it shall all be okay. And worrying about that now won’t help me at all either. When I should be going to sleep now anyway.

What else is on my mind? I just want to go to Vanderbilt a lot, it’s sky-rocketed to be one of my top choices, especially now that I’ve gotten an interview and it feels more real. I’m anticipating for next Thursday (aaa it’s next Thursday). I want to read up on more of the time restricted feeding paper and just study more papers and stuff so I will be in absolute tip top shape intellectually. :) And maybe some podcasts! That’d be pretty awesome. I want to be SUBMERGED in science this Halloween lmfao. And practice a bit more, record myself and get around to actually doing that, and just make sure I know enough that I can say and be exactly who I want to portray myself, which is someone who is kind, thoughtful, reflective, and also just a dumb nerd who likes learning about science and about people’s stories very much! These are what make me me, and what I feel happiest about my personality and who I am. These are traits that I’m proud of, and even if I’m not the most unique or special person to exist, I think I’m someone that can help make the world a better place, and I think the resources and communities at Vanderbilt can really help me to achieve that and find insights that will nuance and broaden what I can do to help people through human connection and medicine. Ayyooo that’s a pretty solid sentence lmfao. But it’s also how I genuinely feel. And I want to go through with that, because I feel this strongly and I want them to know who I am, and why I would be good for their school and also for the other students, current and future ones, at Vanderbilt too. It sounds rich to say that I can make people or schools *better* through my own sheer existence, but I think I can definitely bring up reflections, points, and personality that can influence people to think in different ways too. And the same for myself. So anywho, tldr, I’m excited for my interview, and there are some things I want to brush up on as well as just immerse myself in, but hopefully this chill week will give me the time to prep for that in the way that will satisfy me. And I think it will go okay, if not well. :) I hope also my passion for astrocytes can make an appearance; I hope one of the faculty people they choose will be someone who does astrocyte stuff, that would make me so happy haha.

[the-insomniac-emporium]

I love your writing.

if it's not too much trouble may i make a request? I'm thinking the Dimitrescu women meeting and/or courting a fellow immortal.

the circumstances of the immortal's powers and possession of immorality are entirely up to you. I just like the idea of them meeting someone they could literally spend forever with...because they deserve it ❤

I wasn't sure if you wanted a story or headcanons? I went with HCs, here, but if you wanted more of a drabble or whatever just lemme know and I'll write something like that.

Also, I got excited and carried away so this has the whole Dimitrescu family, plus shorter ones for both Mother Miranda and Donna. Admittedly Alcina's is also a little on the shorter side? I tried to write everything that came to mind, but I am kinda tired right now, sorry. Might reblog this and add some more later.

(Under read-more for length)

Cassandra:

Tries (and fails) to hide her excitement. Mortality is one of the bigger things that has made her keep her distance to others, at least in the past. Every Maiden she’s ever been the slightest bit smitten with, up until this point, has been incredibly fragile. Seeing as she’s not exactly the softest person, one can easily imagine why that would be a turn off for her. But now that’s no longer a problem!

On the other had… having an immortal partner gives Cassandra pause. Why? Because what if they breakup? Normally, she can just, ahem, “dispose” of any exes (regardless of how much it hurts) so she doesn’t have to see them/deal with them anymore. If that’s not an option, she’ll definitely take longer than usual to do anything about her feelings. She wants to be sure, 100%, before she gets in over her head. Chances are she won’t hold back for as long as she wants though.

Likely to have a loud, messy confession. She’ll have been avoiding you for a few days, always ducking out of whatever rooms you enter, leaving you both hurt and confused. After enlisting the help of her sisters, you’ll be able to corner her outside. She’ll tell you, under no uncertain circumstances, to leave her alone. But you’ll refuse, demanding an explanation.

“I thought we had something. I thought you cared,” you’ll snap, eyes watering. “If that’s changed… if I was wrong, just tell me. I’ll leave and I’ll never come back.” Cue thunder and raining (because tropes) and Cassandra dramatically pulling you into a kiss, holding you so tightly you think you might bruise. Then she’s demanding that you stay, refusing to apologize but making it clear just how much she does care.

Being immortal, you’re not as defenseless as some of Cassandra’s past interests. Naturally, she doesn’t get quite as protective as she normally would. She’ll still have your back no matter what, ready to fight by your side against any foe, and will probably consider doing so a “fun bonding activity”. Oh, some lycans are encroaching on Dimitrescu territory? Time to go destroy them, as a power couple!

Despite having all the time in the world, Cassandra won’t change much of her actual courting behavior, nor the rate at which things advance. She’s still gonna get handsy fairly early on, still gonna “rah!” at you in the hallways, and still going to struggle with her jealousy.

Immortality Compatibility: I can see Cassandra going for another vampire (or vampire adjacent) creature, or someone demonic. She likes her lovers a bit rough, with some nice bite to their personalities. If you’ve got sharp teeth, or claws, or glowing eyes? Oh boy, she’s gonna be making heart eyes at you all the time.

Bela:

If your immortality isn’t immediately obvious, Bela is over the moon with joy when she finds out. Her eyes will go wide for a moment, before she tries to seem calm (so as to not freak you out), but her heart is pounding. This is what she’s been hoping for. As much as Mother Miranda has done for her family, there’s no guarantee that she’d be willing to give more. Even if Miranda granted Bela’s lover her “gift”, there was no telling what the results would be, or if the lover would survive. Now that there’s no need for such a transformation, it’s far easier for Bela to imagine herself in love (and eventually be in love).

Slow-burn romance over a decade or longer, oops. Doesn’t even necessarily mean to take things so slowly, just doesn’t feel a need to rush things, preferring that they develop organically. With both of you having unlimited time, you’re both used to working on a very large timescale. Maidens watching the two of you probably place bets on how long it’ll take you to hold hands for the first time. Everyone knows it’s coming, but no matter how much Cassandra and Daniela complain, Bela refuses to jump into things. By the time the two of you are officially together, you’re probably madly in love with each other.

More protective than Cassandra, if only because she knows just how rare you are. Immortal or not, you likely still have a weakness, and Bela will do everything in her power to make sure no one else knows what it is. If applicable, she will also ensure she has a countermeasure readily available. For example: If you were weak to fire, she’d make sure that the castle keeps extinguishers handy, just in case. Though they should probably already do that. Not that the Dimitrescu family cares much for OSHA compliance.

Somehow grows more in love with you with every passing year, and makes sure that you know this. Whether you’ve been together for one year or one century (because in this house we ignore canon), she’s always performing little acts of love, giving constant reminders of how strongly she feels. Gifts, special dates, book recommendations, etc.

Immortality Compatibility: Bela seems like the type to go for someone with a calming presence, and perhaps somewhat of a contrast to herself. I can picture her with someone somewhat angelic, or druidic, someone very in tune with nature. She’d love to feed deer with you and relax in the forest! Or lay against a tree by your side, listening to you talk about various microorganisms for hours at a time.

Daniela:

Practically tackles you when she finds out/connects the dots. This is just like one of her romance novels, where a lonely (attractive as fuck) immortal spends years in isolation before finally meeting the love of their life, who they get to spend the rest of eternity with. Absolutely ecstatic about the whole situation. Won’t stop kissing you and pulling you close, rambling about how great it’s gonna be to spend your lives together. Honestly? Kind of overwhelming. You might have to remind her a few times that you don’t have to rush into things, considering you have all the time in the world.

Introduces you to people as her “super cool/rad immortal life partner”. Genuinely cannot bring herself to not brag about you. If her sisters haven’t found someone like you yet, you can bet that Daniela will tease them about it all the time (much to their annoyance). If Momma Alcina doesn’t, though? Dani will keep her thoughts to herself, thank you very much (being grounded at her age does not impress the s/o).

Tries not to show it, but she’s actually very nervous. You’re immortal! You’ve probably seen a lot of shit (she certainly has)! Worries about keeping you interested in her, though she would never admit it. This tends to lead to her performing ridiculous acts to showcase her affection, regardless of the cost or, like, whether or not you’d even enjoy whatever she has planned. In order to counter her anxiety, you’ll want to reassure her whenever you can, and give her plenty of “I love you”s.

Strikes a decent balance between Cassandra’s nonchalant attitude and Bela’s protectiveness. Will defend you if you need it, playing up the romantic aspect, but also entirely willing to hide behind you in a scary situation.

Immortality Compatibility: Having probably read Twilight… Dani would date a werewolf, as long as they weren’t the smelly kind. Also interested in a sort of “magical”/elemental type, especially if their powers are influenced by emotions. In other words, if someone flirts with her in front of you, and your response is to subconsciously light your hands/the other person on fire? She thinks that’s hot, pun intended.

Alcina:

“Oh? Interesting,” she’d say, smiling softly (and trying to ignore the heat rushing to her face). Similarly to Cassandra, she’d try to play it off, not wanting to seem too excited. And, well, she’s not as excited as any of her daughters are. After all, she’s had more time than them to “get used” to the idea of outliving any potential romantic interests. So, she’s not exactly desperate for a relationship, even with someone she could spend an eternity with.

That being said, if she is romantically interested in them, she’s very relieved. Outliving a loved one can be incredibly traumatizing (fuck you c*pcom, you know what you did), and knowing that you’re safe (or at least safer than most) brings her no small amount of comfort.

Also, just glad to have another person close to her age around. Her daughters are somewhat stuck as young adults, and I imagine Alcina would want someone who gained immortality a little later in life, such as herself, as opposed to, ya know, reminding her of her children. That probably goes without saying. Hopefully.

More so than her daughters, Alcina would change her level of protectiveness depending on her s/o’s power level. If you’re a shapeshifter who can also turn into a big ass dragon? Then she’s not going to coddle you. If you’re immortal but still vulnerable, then she’s going to do her best to keep you safe, even going so far as to enlist the assistance of her daughters. “If you see a single Maiden growing mistletoe, or bringing some in from the village, let me know immediately,” or something like that, depending on your weakness.

Immortality Compatibility: Definitely would want someone in a situation similar to herself, having once been truly human, only to be “elevated” by something. Bonus points if you’re another disciple of Miranda, double bonus points if Miranda specifically “made” you to be Alcina’s boo/honey/darling/dear.

Bonus! Mother Miranda:

Oh god finally someone who won’t leave her (can’t leave her). No one can take you away from her, and that’s a relief that she’s been craving for over a century. Even if romance isn’t high on her priority list, she welcomes it with open arms, glad to have someone by her side through all of life’s chaos.

Admittedly slow to trust at first, probably just using you as a tool at first. But prove yourself enough, show that your devotion is more than just misdirected self-interest, and she’ll start to warm up to you. Forming a real relationship would likely take a couple decades, similar to with Bela. Once you are together, however, the two of you are inseparable in all matters.

You’d be her #1 follower, most trusted adviser, and the only person allowed to understand 100% of her thoughts and motives. While Miranda wouldn’t allow you to be seen as the same level as her (sorry), you’d still be a legend among the villagers. To them, you’re Mother Miranda’s champion, the epitome of a devoted follower that they all aspire to emulate. Not that they know the two of you are a couple, though.

Immortality Compatibility: No gimmicks, no cheap tricks, she wants (and respects) a fellow scientist, someone who clawed their way through adversity and forged themselves into something indestructible. Double the interest if you did so for a similar cause to her own, as she would appreciate your ability to relate to her suffering.

Bonus! Donna:

Someone to play with! FOREVER! No more losing people she cares about, no more accidentally breaking people, no more people scrambling to leave. Now that she has you, she can finally spend some quality time with another (living?) person. Honestly her dolls (or at least Angie) are just as excited as she is. Regardless of her relations with the other three Lords, Donna much prefers the company of a lover.

For real though she’s shy as hell and you might not even realize who’s pulling the strings until you’ve been in her house for over a year. She’d probably use her powers to trap you inside, at least at first, though they’d be nice hallucinations. You’d have to treat the dolls nicely, especially Angie, before she’d let you interact with her.

Eventually you’d be allowed to leave, and you’d be given a key to return whenever you wanted to. Assuming that you do, in fact, come back, the two of you would have a very, very slow romance, if only because of Donna’s anxiety. Hand holding makes both of your faces turn beet red, seriously.

Immortality Compatibility: *chanting* GHOST GIRLFRIEND GHOST GIRLFRIEND POLTERGEIST PARTNER POLTERGEIST PARTNER WOOHOO! Something with a flexible, only-sometimes-tangible form, who absolutely could have left at any time but didn’t because they wanted to stay.

[hyunsuks-beanie]

Come With Me

Culinary major! Soobin x food vlogger! reader; just some teeth rotting fluff

Word Count: 3.35k words

Mellow speaks: So I finally completed this long overdue and super fun request!!! Honestly, writing this was just so amazing, and I kinda drew Y/N based on my own self, so I hope you enjoy reading it!!

Rushing into his apartment, Soobin didn't waste a single minute in discarding his bag on the floor, rushing towards his laptop and turning it on. As the screen booted, the final-year culinary major prayed to the gods for the livestream to not have started yet. The winner of the contest from last month was to be announced at the beginning of the stream, and even though Soobin didn't have any hopes of him winning, he couldn't help the tiny voice at the back of his head saying, "What if?."

He was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard a voice, sweet and velvety as always. There you were, on his screen, the biggest of smiles plastered on your face, making him feel warm all over. Y/N L/N, his favorite food vlogger in the world, ready to start another livestream. Soobin had always been more of a silent supporter, his introverted self being too shy to even post a comment under any of your videos, partly because you had a habit of replying to as many of those comments as possible, and he knew for a fact that he would combust on the spot if you were to ever reply to his praises of you.

You see, he greatly admired your love for food and your wanderlust. He was also a great fan of the way you spoke, and the way you articulated your ideas and thoughts. Truth be told, he genuinely liked you, and not just your voyager self. Watching your videos over the years, he had found himself developing a small crush on you, knowing full well that it was probably just him being starstruck. So, gathering all the bravery he had, the boy had finally pressed "Send" on the application form for the competition on the last day, after contemplating it for God knows how long.

There had been only one question on the form, asking respondents to describe what food meant to them. A smile had graced Soobin's lips as you answered it, pouring in his most sincere thoughts on everything culinary. What had pushed him to participate, you ask? It had been the prize, of course. A chance to hang out with none other than you yourself, through a one-on-one video call. He had always wanted to see you in person, to tell you how much your vlogs meant to him. How they had helped discover his own love for food, had helped him find his happiness in the kitchen.

And that had brought him to right now, biting on his fingernails as he listened to your regular introduction, one that he knew by heart and repeated after you, subconsciously. "Hey my food-holics! How are all of you doing today? Hale and hearty, I hope!," you said, following up quickly with a brief overview of the contest, before announcing the winner, as Soobin waited with bated breath. "All your answers were amazing, and I could relate to so many of them! It really sucks that we can only have one winner, since you're all winners to me!," you smiled, and he caught himself copying your expression. "So now, the winner of the contest, and the person who gets to be my new friend, is @aglio_olive!!," you exclaimed, clapping your hands as your eyes crinkled up in joy.

The fact that you had just announced him as the winner of registered belatedly, as Soobin was busy gushing over how adorable you had looked while clapping. He felt his mouth drop open, finding it hard to focus on what you said next. "I'll be contacting you via email shortly," you had said, and that was all it took for the rest of the livestream to go by in a blur for him, as he waited for your mail, checking and re-checking his inbox every two minutes. But it wasn't until the next day that he finally received what he had been peeling his eyes out for. An email from your official account (or that's what he figured), informing him that the meeting would take place on the coming Saturday, at 6:00 pm. Now all he had to do was wait three days, but it was easier said than done.

By the time Saturday rolled around, Soobin was equal parts bubbling with excitement and panicking with nerves. Reluctant to trust his own fashion choices, he had called over his best friend, Yeonjun, hoping to get some much needed guidance. "Should I wear this suit? Or will simple tracks be better?," he had asked, making the older boy shake his head as he patted him on the back. "My friend, Y/N's neither your professor, nor your friend. You're meeting them for the first time, so why don't you just wear something comfortable, that would make them feel at ease too?," he smirks, throwing a plain blue hoodie his way.

As the clock struck 6:00, Soobin found himself seated at his study table, ready to start the meeting. He had even prepared cue cards to help him if he got stuck, and they were propped conveniently next to the laptop. He reached out for them, but just at that moment, his screen came alive with someone waving at him with a smile on their face. Awestruck, he simply waved back, too tongue-tied to say anything. "Wow," he thought to himself, "They look so much better without makeup." A couple seconds later, a new kind of panic set in. "Am I staring too hard? Is it creepy? Should I look down? No but I need to keep eye contact!"

Little did he know, you were having similar, if not identical thoughts. "Wow, no one told me he was gonna be this cute. Blue suits him so well! I'm no staring, am I? Should I speak first? Or should I wait for him to say something?" This finally resulted in the both of you speaking at the same time, something you would later smile about. Because saying "How are you? I'm Soobin," and "I'm Y/N! How are you?," helped you crack into laughter, breaking the ice and easing the awkwardness. Once you had gotten past the niceties, it was time to get to know each other better. The cue cards lay unused, as Soobin just spoke about whatever came to mind, praising your vlogs and thanking you for teaching him more about cuisines. You, on the other hand, took the time to get to know him better, asking him questions about what it was like to study culinary science, something you had never gotten the chance to do.

The hour-long virtual meeting flew by in the blink of an eye, or so it seemed to the both of you. Talking to you, Soobin didn't once feel that you were a stranger or that he was just a fan. You seemed like a genuine and warm person to him that he couldn't help but admire you even more than he did before. To him, somewhere during the meeting, you stopped seeming like a famous vlogger anymore, and instead, all he saw you as was a friend. You, on the other hand, had made up your mind about him being the most interesting person you had ever met, and couldn't stop a sad sigh from escaping your lips as you looked at the time. "Well, Soobin. It's been a pleasure meeting you," you had said, making him smile wistfully.

The moment he had logged out of the meeting, he found himself missing you. He thought back on how nice you had been, smiling when he pictured your face, your hair slightly messy but not too unkempt, an oversized hoodie thrown over your body. To him, it had honestly felt like he was conversing with a friend, and he couldn't bring himself to let such an amazing person walk out of his life. So, without thinking, he began typing out an email to your account, his finger hovering just above the "Send" button. He stopped short though, realizing that your official account wasn't meant for personal mails, and realizing that he had no other means to contact you. Pouting, he fell face-first onto the bed, his energy going down all of a sudden.

He woke up to a "ping," indicating an email on his phone. Unlocking it, he noticed a mail from an account he had never contacted before. Clueless, he clicked on it, the phone nearly falling out of his hand as he read through it. It had been you, after all, reaching out to him through your personal account, and telling him that you had loved talking to him, and would like to be his friend. And thus began the most beautiful friendship either of you had ever forged, full of memories even though you hadn't met each other.

Late night video chats and good morning calls became a ritual, and Soobin found himself busily typing away on his phone every free second he got. You told him all about your escapades and trips, sending him photos and urging him to try cooking whatever you ate and whatever you liked. He, on the other hand, would teach you to cook, sending you tips and giving you suggestions on what to eat. Food was an intergalactic part of the relation you shared, but it was far from being the only thing.

When things got hard for him, you were there to push him towards his dream, reminding him day in and day out that he would have to give in his all to achieve it. "You'll be the greatest chef one day, Soob," you'd giggle, causing him to let out a whine as he said, "How would you know? You haven't even tasted my cooking yet!" He too, was there to provide you a taste of what it felt like to be grounded to one place, to have everything you wanted right next to you. He was there for you to cry to when someone posted a nasty comment under you video, and he was there to virtually feed you when you missed a home-cooked meal. Inside jokes became a thing, as did bitching about classmates and complaining about managers.

Over time, your friendship started blossoming into something more, as Soobin found himself catching feelings, real feelings, for you. The way you smiled, the way you would bite your nails just like him as you went through what people had to say about your videos, the way you cracked stupid jokes and laughed at them alone, he found himself loving them all. He had given his heart out to you, and he didn't want to take it back. You, meanwhile, had been a bit more careful of your feelings, wary of harboring any hopes for a long-distance relationship. But over time, you too, found yourself drowning into the oceans that were his eyes, watching the way his lips moved through the screen, imagining them on yours. Over time, you too, felt your feelings grow, but being your stubborn self, you didn't act on them.

Days turned into months, and soon enough, you were keeping Soobin company through his late night study sessions, talking to him in the hopes of keeping him awake. Helping him prepare flashcards, and letting him teach you a full four-course meal so that he could practice for his practical exams. "What are you gonna do once you graduate?," became a regular question you posed towards him, and every time, it was the same reply. "I don't know yet, Y/N. I want to do something like you. I want to travel the world and learn about different cuisines first-hand."

As Soobin's exams drew nearer, you found yourself bring just as worried as he was, worried about how he'd fare in the examinations, worried about what he'll do when he gets his degree. But keeping your concerns aside, you did your best to push him to do his best, study that last chapter, practice that last technique, memorize that last recipe. "I just wanna sleep, Y/N," he'd whine, only to have you let out a giggle at how adorable he looked. "It's for your own good, bub," you'd reply, your smile somehow managing to give him the strength to put in just a little extra effort.

Seeing him work so hard, you couldn't help but want to give him a surprise by congratulating him in person when he graduated. So, you decided to plan a trip to Seoul, shooting a film vlog just an excuse to finally meet your closest friend, and the person you had a crush on. You had initially wanred to keep the plan a secret, but soon realized what a waste it would be to not use it to your advantage. And so started your ingenious way of getting Soobin to hit the books. "I'm coming to Seoul after your exams, but I'll meet you only if you put in all your effort," you'd tell him, repeating it like a mantra day in and day out.

In response, the boy would pout and whine about how he "hated" you, but started putting in double the effort, just to make you proud. Your tactic seemed to work, but Soobin was still nervous. Nor about the theory, but about the practical exams. "What if I don't do well on the exam? It happens all the time on Masterchef," he said one day, looking into your eyes as you attempted to calm him down. "I know you'll nail it, Binnie," you replied, smiling at him through the screen. "Just think about what makes you happy while you cook, and you'll be good to go." As if on a whim, Soobin muttered out a soft, "You," causing your breath to hitch as you asked him to repeat. "You make me happy," he said again, looking down as he felt his cheeks growing warm. You couldn't help but smile at his sudden confession, sending a virtual kiss his way. "Now go study, you idiot," you giggled, proceeding to tell him about your day as he pored over his books.

The day of his practical exam rolled by, and as you had said, Soobin decided to cook while thinking of something that made him happy. He thought back on the day when you had told him about a delicacy from a city you had visited, and had convinced him to teach you how to make it. The memory alone made a smile appear on his lips, reminding him of how happy the two of you were. And so, that's what he cooked, passing his exam with flying colors. He was so happy he could have kissed you if you were there, and he told you that, causing a laugh to escape your lips. "I'll be there soon," was all you said, fighting to control your excitement.

Soobin passed with flying colors, earning his degree fair and square. And the one person he wanted to thank for it, was you. As you had promised him, a week later found you roaming the streets of Seoul, as you hurriedly made your way towards his college, ready to finally meet him at his convocation. Climbing up the stage to accept his degree, his eyes were busy scanning the crowds, eager to see your face. When he couldn't find you, however, he felt his smile falter, as he took in a gulp.

"Where are you Y/N?," he thought to himself, hand itching to check his phone that was lying in his back pocket. You had told him you'd be here on time, so then, where were you? Just as he feels himself falling deeper into his thoughts, he (like everyone else in the hall) hears footsteps running down the corridor, finally revealing you standing at the entrance, out of breath and with a huge smile stretching across your face. "You're here," he mouthed, his smile matching yours, as you replied with a simple nod and a "Congratulations," your eyes brimming with tears of joy for the boy.

Accepting his degree, Soobin walked off the stage to sit with his classmates, eyes meeting yours every so often as he tried to fight the urge to rush to you and hug you. Once the ceremony ended, neither of you wasted a second in finding each other, throwing yourselves into a hug long overdue. It didn't feel weird as you snuggled your face into his convocation robe, and it didn't feel weird as he did the same into your hair. Pulling away, you just couldn't hide the smiles that threatened to take over your entire face, taking each other's hand as Soobin left you to his parents. "Mom, Dad, this is my friend Y/N," he introduced, and his mom didn't miss the spark in her son's eyes as he looked at you.

Once you were done with the niceties, the two of you made your way out into the city once Soobin had handed his robe over to his mom. Walking the streets with him, with you cracking jokes and him pointing out tourist sights to you, you felt something you had never felt, no matter how many cities you visited. A sense of comfort, a sense of belonging. You felt like you were home for the first time in ages, and it was all because of the guy walking next to you. As if on a whim, you whipped out your video-camera, switching it on and turning it to yourself. Soobin belatedly realized what you were doing, when he heard you recite you introduction. Looking at you in shock, he felt his mouth fall open as he heard you say the words, "Friend," "Soobin," "Featuring," "Guide," in quick succession, piecing the sentence together in his brain.

"Y/N! What are you doing??," he whined, looking down to hide his face. "Awww Soobinnie is shy!!! Sorry guys, it's his first time," you cooed, a giggle escaping your lips as you turned your camera off, trying to convince him to feature in your vlog. "But I won't know what to say!!," he retorted, making you snicker. "Just take me out to eat somewhere tell, and tell the camera why you like the place you like and the food you like. It's not that hard!," you replied, and after much convincing (and some borderline begging), he finally agreed.

He showed you all his favorite eateries and restaurants, gawking at the insane discounts you got him, and just enjoying watching you eat in person, sharing his food. By the time evening rolled out, the two of you were full to your throats, looking out over the river from the bridge. "Thank you Y/N," Soobin said, turning to look at you. "For today, and for everyday. For being there for me, and for being the best friend I have ever had, and more." "Thank you too, Soob," you replied, your eyes stinging as you looked up at him. "Thank you for making me feel at home. Thank you for becoming my home." You hadn't noticed just how close your faces had become, both of you having leaned in subconsciously. Finally, Soobin closed the gap, your lips meeting his in a kiss that's full of the pent-up love and emotions.

His lips were soft against yours, molding with yours like two pieces of the same puzzle. Pulling away, a smile graced your lips as you looked up at him shyly, whispering an "I like you," causing him to repeat your words and adding a "too," cheeks rising up in a smile. Biting you bottom lip, you say, "Come with me," making him tilt his head in confusion. "You said you wanted to be like me. To learn about cuisines first-hand. Then come with me. I don't want to be away from you, I want to be with you 24/7, and not virtually. I want to talk to you in person, to hug you, to kiss you." You notice his smile growing wider, and so you ask, "So, what do you say?," as he replies by placing his lips back on yours.