#getting into a pity party about it ain't gonna do shit

[what-if-i-dee-eye-do]

it's already been a Rough Fucking Day and then Angry came out to yell at and hang up on our wife bc she fell into a self-pity spiral after the dog pissed on the bed and started begging to die which is a huge trigger for us since an older friend kept begging to die when we were younger

[roosterbruiser]

A blurb about Jake with an introverted SO who surprises him with lingerie. Jake teases her, but is super feral!

𝐏𝐢𝐜𝐤-𝐮𝐩 𝐋𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 𝐀𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐤

𝐚 𝐉𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐧 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞

Jake has always been more outgoing than you. It's part of the reason you're together: you were the shy girl at The Hard Deck just trying to survive a night of socialization with her friends and he was the life of the party that was beating everyone in darts. And for some reason, as soon as he saw you meekly standing in the corner nursing a lukewarm beer, he decided to set his sights on you.

It happened easier than you thought it would, honestly. He charmed you from the get-go, seemingly understanding right away that what you wanted was a breather. That night, after buying you and your friends drinks (a swoon-worthy Southern gentleman) and indulging in some friendly games of darts, Jake had asked if you wanted to take a walk down the shoreline.

He was enamored with you from the get-go. Even just the way your cheeks flooded with warmth when he asked and that little pathetic excuse for a nod made his heart race. And once he got you comfortable enough to have a conversation--ones where you laughed that big, throaty laugh and ranted about the importance of the Oxford comma--he knew he was done for.

Honestly, when you first saw Jake, you were certain that he was not the settling down type. And honestly, he didn't think he was either. But then he felt himself yearning for your touch first thing in the morning, before he even opened his eyes. He was thinking about you all day--Hell, he sent you so many songs and instagram memes that you'd have eons of notifications to check. He'd always just say reminded me of you or simply you lol.

Things were just easy between the two of you. Three (perfect) dates in and you were officially a couple. After a year together, he asked you to move in with him. A year after that, the two of you adopted the most pitiful pug in the pound. And now you have settled into a most ardent domesticity.

You're sitting on the kitchen counter now, waiting for him to come back from the gym. It should be any minute now, really, and you hope so because with every passing second that you sit on this marble countertop in this piece of clothing that hardly passes as clothing at all--you're losing your nerve. You've never worn lingerie for anyone before, but Jake isn't just anyone. He's your Jake. He's the only man in the world that could sway you to slip yourself into a mess of strap and lace.

Honestly, you're not even sure you have it on right. There were so many straps and moving parts and you didn't know how much was too much and the lady at the store wasn't here earlier to help adjust you. But when you looked in the mirror, when you saw all the hills and valleys of your body, you were taken back slightly. You looked good--not even just good. Sexy. You looked sexy.

But you're losing your nerve because you're worried he'll be too tired when he gets back from the gym. That and he'll want to take a shower. Maybe he'll even be hungry and you're sitting your almost-bare ass on the counter and, really, he makes sandwiches here so maybe he's gonna be pissed--

"Well, well, well," Jake's voice is suddenly echoing in the kitchen. "And what do we have here? If it ain't my little angel herself."

It startles you enough to jump and clutch your near-naked chest. He's standing in the doorway, dressed in athletic shorts and his running shoes, and he's positively dripping sweat. It's matting his hair and casting a sheen across his smooth skin. His chest is still heaving--probably because he likes to run on the treadmill to cool down, the fucking weirdo--and there is something wild in his eyes.

"Shit," you whispered sheepishly, straightening your spine and awkwardly poking your cleavage out towards him. "Didn't hear you come in."

Jake is all grins, eyes not-so-subtly raking across your seated form. He nods to your pug, who's resting stupidly peacefully on his dog bed without a care in the world.

"Maybe we need a better guard dog," Jake laughs.

You pout, shoulders deflating as your cheeks flood. You cross your arms over your chest, blowing a piece of teased hair from your eyes with a humph.

"I was supposed to be waiting for you. I had a line and everything."

There's a teasing dazzle in his eye when he quips back at you. "Want me to walk in again, angel?"

You shake your head, frowning.

"Won't be the same," you breathe.

He's taking a few steps closer to you, eyes lingering on the sinful line of cleavage that's just begging for his tongue to outline. But you're being sore about the whole ordeal, your vision of sexiness and allure shattered by being so lost in your own thoughts that you missed your cue.

"C'mon," Jake tries. "Tell me the line."

You're embarrassed now.

He stands between your legs, eyelashes fluttering slightly when he catches a whiff of that perfume you've doused yourself in; he bought it for you on your second anniversary and you wear it on special (and sexy) occasions. Nonetheless, he lets his hands come to rest on your thighs--they're soft and warm beneath his calloused hands. But dammit if you don't grow wet at just the feel of those fingers, at just the closeness between the two of you right now. He smells like he's been working hard--not outwardly bad, but odorous. You love it, frankly, and it's something he chides you for. And right now, as his thumbs rub little circles in the meat of your thighs, you're downright dizzy from being in such close proximity to him.

"Well--well, I was gonna be waiting in the kitchen, right?"

His hands are inching up, up, up your thighs. Delicately, he swipes his index fingers along the flowered edge of your lace. You shiver--God, does he know how to tease you.

"Accomplished," he teases, a bead of sweat rolling off his forehead and onto your knee as he leans forward to press a careful kiss to your nose. "Go on."

Now he's holding the bend of your hips, kissing a sweet line down your throat and trying not to moan at just the feeling of your skin beneath his lips. He hasn't shaved today, so his face is scratching you just right--it's tingling your fingers and toes, drawing heat to your core.

After another moment, as he's kissing your shoulders and carefully nipping at the complicated strap situation there, you swallow hard and push forward.

"Don't make me say it," you breathe, wrapping your arms around his neck and curling your fingers in the damp hair at the base of his neck. "It's stupid, baby."

Jake laughs softly, sucking a bruise on your collarbone, digging his thumbs into your hips.

"You can do it, baby," he whispers, hot breath fanning out over your goosed skin. "Do it for me--say it."

You're overwhelmed, so turned on that your mind is practically swimming in a pool of something thick and viscous. He's consuming you already and he's hardly even touched you.

"Iwasgonnaaskifyou'reintofitnessandthensayfitnesspussyinyourmouth," you usher out before you lose your nerve.

He freezes, processing everything you just said. His hands were just beginning to rise to the swell of your breasts, he was just beginning to grind his hard cock against the countertop in a desperate grab for friction, but now he's laughing.

And if anyone else were to laugh at you, you'd have been mortified. Hell, you'd be gone before they could even tone it down and wipe the tears from their cheeks. But it's Jake--he loves you. Hell, he adores you. And you get the distinct sense that he's not so much laughing at you than at your line interpretation.

His grinning face is pressed into your cleavage as he laughs and before you know it, laughter is bubbling up from your throat too.

"Oh, fuck, angel," he grins, pressing open-mouth kisses to your breasts. "I love you so much. You're my fuckin' dream girl."

You grin--entirely dithered.

"Is that why my legs are so tired?" You ask, biting your lip hard.

He raises his eyebrow at you, searching your face. The realization of what's coming next dawns on him and he shakes his head, eyes widening.

"Don't--!"

"--Cause I've been running through your dreams all night?"

He wrinkles his nose at you, but you're already doing a little victory dance, kissing his parted lips as he looks down at you in something between shock and utter surprise.

"Did you Google, like, the shittiest pickup lines and just run with it?"

You laugh again, shrugging.

"More or less," you say.

He sighs in content, nipping at your collarbone again. You gasp and he keens, coming up to just ghost his fingers over your hardened nipples.

Fuck--you love this softness. The way you two are able to seamlessly go between fits of laughter and raunchy sex is something you've never even come close to with anyone else.

"Want another?" You ask breathlessly.

He nods fervently against you, grinning into your sloppy kisses ad you hold his cheeks.

"So bad, angel," he moans.

You moan outwardly when he slips his fingers beneath the lace and pulls it down far enough to take your nipple in his warm mouth, carelessly stretching the lace as he wedges his hand into the other cup to pinch softly.

"I hope you're into yoga," you start breathlessly as he continues his ruthless assault on your sensitive buds, "cause--ah, baby--you're gonna get a good stretch tonight."

"That doesn't even make sense," he mutters against you, nipple still in his mouth as you thread your fingers through his locks and pull softly. "I'm the guy."

"Fuck, I don't know," you whimper, moving your hips towards him and settling your fingers in the waistband of his shorts. "Too wet to think straight."

"Then let's slide 'n' slide to the bedroom," he says.

You two promptly break out in laughter--tears streaming down your flushed cheeks, mouths wide open, chests aching. But then it resumes right after that, like it always does, when his hands come down over your ass to pull you to him.

here is my tag list!!

𝐬𝐮𝐛𝐦𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐬𝐤 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐛𝐥𝐮𝐫𝐛, 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧, 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐬! 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐁𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐥𝐞𝐲, 𝐉𝐚𝐤𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐁𝐨𝐛!

if you liked this, consider checking out my Jake x You story!

[ebongawk]

part one | part two

He fucked up. He fucked up so bad.

Bad enough that when he'd told Wayne how he'd fucked up, Wayne had let out a long, slow sigh, wrapped a comforting hand around his shoulder and squeezed, and then smacked the back of his head like he did when Eddie was acting foolish as a child.

"Jesus, kid," Wayne grumbled as he led Eddie downstairs. "You really like the taste of your own feet, huh?"

"What?"

"Because you keep putting your damn foot in your damn mouth," Wayne shot, smacking him in the head again. Eddie didn't even voice his complaint at the pain. "Didn't I raise you with a modicum of sense?"

"At least one," Eddie sighed, sitting heavily on the kitchen chair – and only then noticing that it, too, was different. Same chairs they'd picked up at a flea market, but obviously refurbished and restained in a way lighter color. The gaudy orange cushions had been replaced with a way mellower off-white that was run through with patterns of ivy. Chrissy had taken down the wallpaper in here, too, and repainted it in a soft chick-feather yellow. And all of the walls were decorated with paintings of sunflowers, bringing her design together so fucking fantastically.

Eddie'd been so up in his own fucking head that he didn't see any of the signs Chrissy had cast up in neon shapes for his arrival. Now that he noticed, he was suddenly seeing dozens of little touches she'd put through the house. Some new furniture to add and replace the secondhand shit they'd scrounged together before he left; new paint on practically every wall; rugs across the wood floors that definitely hadn't been there before; photos and art hung up in practically every room.

Normally, the gross feelings in Eddie's gut were vindicated. People almost always proved to be the goddamn worst.

But Chrissy had never done anything in the entire eighteen months they'd been together to give Eddie a reason to doubt her. He was just... He was just so goddamn used to being disappointed that he'd braced himself for impact without giving her a chance to prove him wrong.

And wrong he fucking was.

So wrong, in fact, that he was convinced he'd ruined the life they had been building together and she was going to leave him.

He didn't even know if he had the strength to stop her.

All of this was voiced to Wayne, who sat across from him at the kitchen table and gave a weary sigh as Eddie wrapped up his pity party.

"Really?" his uncle asked. "One misunderstanding and you're gonna throw in the towel?"

"I accused her of cheating––"

"Yeah, and that was stupid as hell," Wayne interrupted. "But that girl's been with you for well over a year now. I'm sure she expects stupid as hell from you at this point."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Not my fault you've unscrewed a few too many up top," Wayne shrugged. "And I know you've been cheated on––"

"I didn't give a shit about any of that when it happened," Eddie grumbled, waving his hand through the air like he could dismiss Wayne's rumblings.

His uncle blinked at him, head tilted to one side and a strange look on his face.

"Kid, I know you got some shit to work through, but are you honestly trying to convince me you didn't care when Regina messed around behind your back? Or when Leslie did?"

"Pops––"

"You ain't made o' steel, Ed," Wayne finished before Eddie could disagree again. "No matter how you try and convince the world. Anyone with a heart tender as yours would be wounded by that kinda bullshit, alright? But it wasn't you. It was them. And now you've got a girl that wants to go to Hell and back for you. So you better not let her get away."

Wayne stood then before Eddie could compose any sort of retort. Leaving Eddie alone to stew in his own idiocy.

Prior to Chrissy, Eddie didn't really do relationships. He'd had all of a half dozen rushed bar bathroom trysts before the band moved to Cali, and the girls he met in the scene while Corroded Coffin struggled to make a name for themselves weren't all that into being tied down. Which Eddie was fine with. His only stipulation was that they be exclusive so he could avoid catching anything.

They'd both agreed. And they'd both broken that stipulation. He and Leslie had only been seeing each other for a couple months, but Regina was an entire year of his life down the goddamn drain.

It wasn't like he was expecting her to suddenly want to commit. But, fuck, dude, she could've just left when she wasn't feeling it anymore instead of trying to lie. Trying to pretend like she wasn't waiting for the band to make it big so she could snatch him up, then and getting frustrated when it kept not happening. So she fucked other guys to make up for Eddie's extended list of shortcomings, which she presented to him when he confronted her about cheating.

Which was fine. Because he re-met Chrissy a month later and everything worked out for the best.

Except the part where Eddie fucked it all up again.

Scrubbing his hands through his hair, Eddie stood up from the kitchen chair in hopes of tracking Chrissy down. He needed to explain shit to her, tell her that it wasn't her fault. That he assumed the worst because he was the worst.

He checked the small back patio first, but she wasn't there. Nowhere else on the first floor, either. Upstairs, Wayne and Jonathan were putting up the finishing touches on his recording studio, but Nancy was nowhere to be found.

"Can't imagine you'd be willing to tell me where your fiancée wandered off to?" Eddie asked as Jonathan carefully placed Eddie's acoustic This Guitar Slays Dragons on the wall.

"And find myself in the doghouse?" Jonathan asked with a quirked brow. "I don't have a death wish, Munson. Sorry."

That was fair. Nancy could be utterly terrifying.

Not as terrifying as Chrissy. But close.

The third guest bed – which had also seen some changes, and which was very obviously being occupied by his uncle during his stay – was also empty, so Eddie made his way back into their bedroom, praying she hadn't already made an exit somehow.

She was there, throwing a few things into an overnight bag.

"Chrissy––"

"Not right now," she said, her eyes trained resolutely on her task. The joy of his unexpected arrival turned to ash on his tongue as she avoided him completely. As she packed away a small portion of his life so she could leave him, however temporarily.

Temporary could become permanent so quickly.

"Please, can we talk?" he tried again, his voice cracking on the question. Splintering like cracked ice that would shatter completely if he put any more weight on it, plunging him into the frigid depths of her absence.

"Talk about what?" Chrissy asked, her voice hard. Like if she didn't keep it level, it would crash into the depths with him. "About how I was cheating?"

"Chrissy––"

"You didn't come home early to surprise me," she said, stilling the movements of her hands but still refusing to look at him, "did you?"

All Eddie wanted was to see that anger. That betrayal on her face. Because at least, if she looked at him, he'd have the opportunity to gauge whether he could fix this.

"No," he admitted, voice half caught in his throat.

Even from across the room, he could hear the ragged intake of her breath.

"I'm, um." She paused, taking another wavering breath. Shoving the last of her belongings into the bag and zipping it shut. "I'm going to stay at Nancy's tonight."

"Chrissy––"

"I'll let you know when I'm ready to talk." She pushed past him, into the hallway and down the stairs before Eddie could breathe.

And he just... watched her go. Staring after the bouncing of her hair until it disappeared.

When the front door slammed shut, Eddie dropped to his knees, staring after the space she'd occupied like he could will her to come back.

Everything in him was rioting. Screaming. Warring with him to go after her, to fix his stupid mistakes, to get her to understand that she was it for him. That he was an idiot, but fuck, he was an idiot who loved her.

Everything, that was, except his heart.

He wondered, distantly, over the roaring of blood in his ears, whether or not she even realized she packed it before she left.

(to be continued)

[supercriminalbean]

Things that made me insane during criminal minds evolution:

Written while I watched so enjoy my bumbling mess. Spoiler alert of course.

Episode 9:

Ahhhhh. Here we go. Preview I scared.

Krystal death 😭😭 my poor little baby please don't cry.

Emily holding him I never realized could hurt me so much.

ROSSI get the fuck out please.

Holy fuck he read his book

Dave knows ahhhhh.

They know his name!!!!!

No one better end up in witness protection this time.

HOLY FUCK HE WALKED INTO THE FBI THST COCKY SON OF A BITCH.

I know this season hasny been the best but I personally like the story line and enjoy that it's only one main case. We will see if that's still the case at tge end of this episode.

Rossi looks pisseddddd.

May 2022...

Tara oooh Rebecca.

Tara watching her is so cute oh thier moment

Tara lewis opening up ahhh I love themmmmm. I hate this it hurts.

They fucking better open up the case.

Rebecca thank youuu.

Darling 😭😭

That's not good writing like come on are we just suppose to be cool after that?

I hate but love the fact Ellias knows how to plays. But fuck baby you read his boookssss ahhhh.

Rossi is hot he knows. And ellias your practically telling him who you are your not dumb your doing it on purpose ughhh.

Holy shit my watch was going on because apparently my heart had dropped really low haha opps.

Constantly battle thoes two it's making my daddy and brother issues go off.

Don't Dave him.

I always go the distance Elias. *Rossi signature smirk 🥵😍)

Penelope that's okay and everyone stares. Ughh baby don't look so excited.

Okay but um Luke smile at how excite Penelope is...it hurts.

Ewwww Tyler gross. I don't want to talk about it but ugh the way Garcia look at him and the way he smirked at her ugh.

Okay but Will hello. I know it's er wrong but he looking mighty fine today sir.

JJ goes straight to Will side.

NO NO NO. OKAY NO. like I'm so excited the Will is working with the team but um...I SWEAR IF THEY KILL HIM OFF IMMA FUCK UP A BITCH.

Tyler Green what the hell. Ugh.

Luke looks so angry tho huh.

Tyler what are you hiding.

Garcia what are you up to.

Tyler your an ass.

Garcia you desever better.

Ellias ugh your an asshole okay.

Um huh the voice message.

Dave that's weird text her please.

FUCK YOU TYLER GREEN.

2006 aww. Tyler we get it but fuck you for using my girl.

Sydney your a mood.

Daveeee. Why am I attracted to old rich men that kill. I need therapy.

I love Dave.

I fuckin hate Ellias.

Emily stands by her team.

Fuck you Ellias.

I feel like somethings bad gonna happen.

I wonder what season 17 Is gonna be like.

Luke... I'm nevours for this.

Luke knows!!!

HIS REACTION IS THE BESTTTTT.

okay PENELOPE SHUT UP!! PLEASE. Not in front of Luke.

You sure know how to pick em...ouch.

Ughhh. I was hoping with the messy comment we were getting into thier love life.

Luke tho is mood. Like I don't know how to explain but thos scene is great. *cough* would of been better if Luke shut her up with a "we would of been better" or even a kiss *cough*

I'm mad at Garcia like alot.

Rossi please don't be stupid.

Rossi do not fall for it. Rossi don't do .

Haha he knows. The way he said shit was hot. I love that man.

The look he gave him when he talked about the podcast I can't not breath 😂😂

The thick swallow on killing them

Okayyyu but why did Dave say "oooh that's a yess" that's the way he use to only speak to his team.

Devolution. Evolution.

UNSUB DAVE UNSUB DAVE UNSUB DAVE. PLEASEEE.

I can not watch this. Don't hurt my lover.

Fuck you Voit.

You don't desever happiness dickhead.

Mm I wanna tie Dave up to.

Stop hurting my baby.

Tyler you better turn up.

Oh shit um hi lol.

At least the team is on thier way.

Oh shit Prentiss is pissed.

Ooh DC metro okay.

Okay Rossi calm it 😂😂 your a dumbass and you need therapy.

Why you want to help 😂 yes yes I do please.

Criminal minds is fucked.

Will is going to die ain't he... or JJ

Ugh Penelope pity party I get is cos toxic men I akwaysvfall for them. But um Luke's hand on her shoulder. This really is like he's trying to replace Morgan this episode it's weird.

JJ and Will tho awww.

Spit on me.

Okay I looked away from the screen for TWO SECONDS and all I saw was green and legit though Elle greenway had show up and was like woah plot twist.

Tyler Green is here. Yay.

Rossi is terrifed oh my heart.....

SHOOT HIM TYLER.

Nooo Tyler

Rossi ahhhhhhhh

I screamed IM SCREAMING SCREAMING. HOLY SHIT. DINNER DINNER DINNER DATE FUCKKKKK. GUYSSS ITS HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!

The nevours, they both looks so cute and young and nevours.

The way she looks at him.

Thoes two omg haha.

Thoes two opening up, my heart is mot sure how to react at all.

Ugh wow I wanted all season for them to break my heart...please they so have chemisty.

I will respect it while I hold my cat and hope they realsie they are both madly in love thank you.

Just stay with me. Oh my heart.

Penelope desever to be happy even if it's not with Luke. But it'd not with Tyler I'm sorry but no.

Rebecca took Tara hand AWWWW.

Stop hurting my love.

Ughh hands off.

Dave called him Lee. And I oopps.

Nooo don't kill my lover. I will cry.

Go kill your own family not mine, dumbass.

Live stream...oh shit..

Okay him screaming for help aboustley and utterly FUCKING hurts.

Dave....

[onemillionvolts]

GM CYNO

what if i told you every single question in the ask game should be answered, that or WHO IS THE SEXUEST PERSIN THAT COMES TO MIND IMMEDIATELY

GOOD MORNING HI HI. BET. im gonna do all of them you bet i wont but i will. youre the best for this btw

IMMEDIATELY? PFFFF HOW LONG DO U HAVE LET ME GET MY LIST

0. height

i yam 5 foot 6 (and a half)

1. virgin?

what the fuck did you just call me? /lhj

anyways in my head yes i am and thats what matters isnt it

2. shoe size

i wear 11s and god i wish that thing people say about shoe size was true 🤙

3 + 4 + 5. do you smoke/drink/do drugs

no and i never plan to <33

6. age you get mistaken for

i.. honestly have no answer to this tbh

7 + 8. do you have (and/or want) any tattoos?

i don't have any, i'd like one/some but i'm not really sure what i'd get

9 + 10. do you have/want any piercings

no to both PFFFF i think like... a clip on lip piercing would probably be my personal limit

11. best friend

...ego stroker much, tumblr user wangshu? /t PFFFFF

12. relationship status

harem with fake 2d men single. yeah uh. single

13. biggest turn ons

tbh... i cant think of any off the top of my head that aren't painfully obvious

14. biggest turn offs

ducklips iykyk

15. favorite movie

i'm not kidding when i say step brothers. but if you want a more respectable answer, nightmare before christmas

16. i'll love you if

you aren't an asshole??? i mean ik it's hypocritical of me to say but cmon

17. someone you miss

i've lost a lot of family over the years so probably someone there tbh

18. most traumatic experience

when my ex lived with me and i wish i was joking it was that fucking bad

19. A fact about your personality

which one /hj

i do think.. i overcompensate a lot by trying to be funny bc i dont feel like i HAVE a personality so there's that about me

20. What i hate most about myself

mm thats a toughie it could be the appearance or the voice or the attachment issues or the codependency issues or the jealousy issues or the mood swings or the weak immune system or the several mental illnesses or holy shit this is turning into a pity party

21. what i love most about myself

im an alright writer i guess? and id like to think i'm a good friend

22. what i want to be when i get older

i just wanna write man idc what

23. my relationship with my sibling(s)

i have 0 of them

24. my relationship with my parents

my moms cool but the less said about my dad the better

25. my idea of the perfect date

literally just staying in and watching a movie with snacks and stuff... honestly never thought about it much

26. My biggest pet peeves

UM UM um people who think the world revolves around them people who don't know the difference between their there and they're um people who Unironically Capitalize Every Word Like This oh i could go on

27. a description of the person i like

big hat dumb bowlcut open kimono /j

28. description of the person i dislike the most

um literally jusr my dad so. narcissistic explosive annoying abusive etc etc

29. A reason i've lied to a friend

only time i'm lyin is when i say tiggy ain't best boy 💯

30. what i hate most about work/school

it kinda semi interferes w my night owl ways but otherwise i'm chill

31. what your last text message says

gonna use actual texts cause using disc is too easy 👹 it was just me asking my mom if she wanted a drink from mcdonalds from last sunday

32. what words upset me the most

does this mean like. just words you hate or a phrase/sentence that upsets u...

uh i'll do it both ways. the word bussin makes me want to fall down an abyss a la childe ajax tartaglia

and uh. i hate being told i don't do enough, specifically by people who don't do jack shit in the first place. AGAIN iykyk

33. what words make me feel best abt myself

oh it was the second thing. honestly don't hve an answer to this but i just hold onto any compliment i get for actual years so there's that about me

34. what i find attractive in women

eyes its eyes

35. what i find attractive in men

sense of humor tbh

36. where i would like to live

somewhere close to a big city so that it isn't massively crowded and loud and overwhelming all the time but i'm close enough to stores and hospitals and all that stuff

37. One of my insecurities

i feel like this has already been asked in like 6 different ways.. prolly my body tho

38. my childhood career choice

honestly i've.. always been kinda laughably indecisive about this type of thing. i never wanted to be like, an astronaut or fireman or any of the cliche stuff that kids talk about i.. don't think i ever thought of it actually

39. my favorite ice cream flavor

cookies n cream 👹 specifically like a cookies n cream cheesecake blizzard from like dq or culvers.. that shit is unmatched

40. Who i wish i could be

a mentally stable person or cyno genshin (real)

41. where i want to be right now

in bed <///3

42. the last thing i ate

leftover pizza <3

43. SEXIEST PERSON THAT COMES TO MIND IMMEDIATELY

TIGHNARI FINAL ANSWRR I DONT PERCEIVE REAL PEOPLE

44. a random fact about anything

all odd numbers contain the letter E

GOLLY THIS WAS SO FUN.

[knowlessman]

I took a melatonin hours ago and am still awake and I've decided to make it my problem. …another of my problems. stacking 'em. …uh, bnha s5e12-e14.

(all might has deku and bakugo training to, I think, help deku practice not using Blackwhip; bakugo, being a port of vegeta, keeps going on about "come on, use the new quirk so I can say I beat someone with two quirks!") bakugo's writing and the reactions to him from other characters in this show continue to make no sense :/

"you were cooler than I was!" "we're both cool!" angry-positive Might Guy noises good to see the Metapod Bros building each other up ig - uhhhh well that reference was certainly a choice. somehow I doubt even this is gonna make mineta watchable tho

(todoroki asking deku about new quirk with bakugo in earshot) how is this guy even - like, for one, why is mineta never suspended for harassment, but also how is bakugo not in fucking jail. bakugo gives clear and explicit signs every minute he's onscreen that he wants harm to befall deku, and yet he's just… we're supposed to just accept that he can be trusted with a secret that would - like, I guess he keeps it because he doesn't deku to get attention? bakugo certainly never shows any signs of caring about other people, so it's not like he'd be worried about what it could do to all might or society at large. stg this character gets fucking paragraphs out of me every time I watch this show, he's that alien to me

(cut to endeavor) and then this fucking guy, bakugo sr… I mean at least the characters act a bit differently around the guy who implicitly has killed someone (or thinks he has, idk)

and just what gmod server did you noclip in from, Captain A-Pose?

pictures taken moments before disaster

a christmas special…? -- "it was the prologue to a tragedy" this punchline is gonna be good, I can feel it -- …huh. isn't that pajama sam? handface? well shit, maybe this ain't a joke. pity.

"[todoroki and bakugo] were interviewed for a whole hour, and all you can see of bakugo is this one shot where he's in the corner!" 'XD wow bakugo, it's almost like nobody wants to hear what you have to say if the only thing coming out of your mouth is abuse

(interview practice) Tokoyami: "There is no glory for one who knows no darkness." the part of me that only wants to wear black t-shirts loves this goofy fucker, he's so unapologetically Hot-Topic

deku: clams up until he's given an excuse to talk about all might ah yes, the autism is made of autism

yup, party montage is montaging. eri got a buster sword for xmas 'XD

(hawks has maybe killed jeanist, and is carrying a sus bag around wondering where tomura is) some days, you just can't get rid of a body

new opening? is it just me, or does it always feel like anime seasons are labeled wrong or something, switching up theme songs right in the middle

(hawks is, uh, passing out goodies) aw hell, even if I had learned anything in high school I don't think I'd be able to parse the full implications of the role of a smallish book with a red cover here -- (camera is panning over highlighted passages) y'all translated eri's letter earlier, why not this? is it cuz these are directly from the real book, and there's political hurdles or summat?

next episode is "one thing at a time," which I reckon I'mma take as a sign to cut it here and try and get, idk, a nap ig

[bossbitch444]

DO I WANNA KNOW? / K. NJ

"crawlin' back to you.. ever thought of callin' when you've had a few? cause I always do."

-------------------------------------------------------------------

-Namjoon X Female Reader

-obsessed ex-bf!Namjoon , cheating!reader

-betrayal, oral sex, fingering, bondage and discipline, sadomasochism (BDSM)

-smut!angst!sexual abuse!kidnapped

------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I gotta go. You guys have fun." you smiled at your workmates as you head over your car. One of your bosses managed to have some gathering since one of the huge projects was successful and you are the team leader. However, you have other plans. You want to celebrate this moment with your loving boyfriend, Min Yoongi.

Your relationship with Yoongi did not start in a good way, it is quiet forbidden since you are with his best friend Kim Namjoon before. Namjoon brought you to their party and you accidentally bumped into Yoongi and things gone well between you and him. You understand each other, having the same hobbies and interests, it seems like you are each other's soulmate. Namjoon on the other hand, you fell out of love and out of pity, you stayed with him but secretly dating his bestfriend. After getting caught by Namjoon, you came to him and told him face to face that you don't love him anymore. It hurts to see the person that you love for almost 3 years cry and beg for you to not leave him. What could you do? You cannot betray and disregard what you really feel towards Yoongi. You're complete with him.

"Baby, where are you? I've been waiting for an hour!" Yoongi whines over the phone, you chuckled, this boy is sure as hell so dramatic. "Yoongi, it's just 5 minutes stop being so dramatic. I'm on my way." You smiled as you rummage into your bag to find the keys before giving each other I love you's and hang up. You planned on having a dinner date with Yoongi since it's been a while when you both went outside because work has been so hectic, Yoongi being the best producer that he is and you working your ass off in this goddamn office.

You are about to open the door of your car when someone covered your mouth and nose with a handkerchief that have a strong scent knocking the shit out of you. The man behind you looked around the parking lot, making sure that no one was around as he opened the door of your car and pushed your unconscious body inside. He smiled to himself as he knew that everything is going according to his plans.

------------------------------------------------

You woke up at a warm sensation lingering into your core. Is this Yoongi? Yoongi likes to eat you out tho. You tried to stretch your arms out but failed as you noticed that you are tied up. Hanging on the ceiling, your body was wrapped with a rope.



Where the fuck are you? This isn't Yoongi. Your thoughts have been interrupted at a sudden pressure on your clit together with a finger being inserted on your core.

Namjoon.

This is Namjoon. Namjoon is the only man that you slept with aside from Yoongi. Namjoon is into BDSM and the way the ropes have been tied into you is Namjoon's signature move. Namjoon loves foreplay and loves to torture you and not letting you come, that's the way he is. On the other hand, Yoongi is very straightforward and if you gave him a head, he'll give you one too. It's a give and take relationship for Yoongi and he isn't into things like this because he is lazy af.

You moan at the sudden pressure on your clit. Namjoon smirked as he stood up and pull out his long and thick shaft before slipping it into your wet folds. The sudden pleasure rushed into your system making you flinch. You don't want this. You wanna go home, Yoongi must be waiting for you. "Stop. Please..." you whispered but Namjoon still heard it. He stopped as he fix his pants and went over your head. "Stop?" He asked as he is now in front of your face, his brown orbs looking straight into yours, it is full of sadness yet full of lust. "You want me to stop?" You nodded, unable to speak. Namjoon is scary when he is mad.

"Babe... I've been waiting for you to call me back. I-i've been waiting for you to be back..." His voice was filled with longingness and it hurts you like hell. You loved Namjoon, you loved him more than anything but sometimes loving someone isn't just enough. He made mistakes and so do you. A tear escaped Namjoon's eye as he caressed your hair, the hair that he loves to play with whenever you are laying on his lap while watching movies. "N-namjoon, let me go..." That's the only thing you can say. Desperateness was lacing through your voice making Namjoon mad. His aura changed, his eyes darkened as he gripped you hair hard. You flinch in pain, letting out a small yelp.

"Let you go? Then what? Be happy with Yoongi? Fuck. You." He whispered angrily, his lips was so closed on your cheek as you let out a lone tear and Namjoon licked it smirking at the salty taste of the tear you shed. Namjoon stood up as he pulled the ropes off of you but he did not remove the ones tied in your hands. You were a crying mess, you did not know that Namjoon can do this to you.

Namjoon threw you on the bed as your face landed on the soft pillow covered in his scent. "Namjoon... stop... please." You begged as Namjoon removed his clothes one by one until he is fully naked right behind you. "You want this right? You fucked my bestfriend, Y/N. Why? My dick ain't good enough? Guess what bitch? You're gonna get some of this tonight." He laughs as he roughly entered you from behind. The tight feeling of your cunt made Namjoon moan and you writhing in pain. You aren't lubricated enough, making it hard for you to take him. Namjoon thrusted hard hitting your spot and making you cry in pain. This isn't Namjoon. This isn't the man you loved and you're afraid you're the reason behind this.

Namjoon feels so ecstatic. He have been watching you from afar for a long time, making him the obsessed ex boyfriend that he already is. Yoongi isn't good for you. He knows that. He believed that you are the only one for him and as he is for you, making you the perfect couple just like before. You are his soulmate, his life, and his source of happiness and seeing you happy in the arms of someone else made him wanna go kill somebody for stealing what's his. He thrusted hard as he pulled your hair, your back pressed against his chest, his lips finding its way on yours. You cried and cried making him horny even more.

"Stop... Namjoon please..." You silently plead as he shoot his load inside of you. He slumped back beside you and looked at you who is hugging yourself, away from him. Namjoon tried to reach for you but you flinch and moved away from him.

Shit.

This doesn't go both ways?

He fucked up.

----------------------------------------------

Happiest Birthday to the man who taught me that it's okay to be myself and of course that I should love myself more than anything or anyone in this world.

Thank you for being my standard in men (lol) and for being such a great person. I am very grateful for your existence and I am hoping for the best in your life. God knows how much I love you and I will do everything not to disappoint you.

I love you mahal ko.

[darkverrmin]

Do You Like It?

a/n: this was inspired by a male friend who likes to wear makeup. he occasionally gets shit from people because of that, who are probably just jealous of him looking gorgeous. seriously, mind your own business. and wear whatever makes you feel good ♥️

tags: jaskier experimenting with makeup, fluff, geralt is a himbo with feelings. enjoy!

(this is part one, if you'll be interested in reading the rest, i'll post the second part)

Calling the party boring would be an understatement. It was terrible. Geralt sat alone at a table, drinking his ale. He regretted listening to Yennefer and Jaskier, who convinced him that he could use a night of rest, after weeks of traveling and training with Ciri. This wasn't Geralt's idea of resting.

Ciri and Dara were back at the inn with Eskel. Lambert fell asleep as soon as they arrived here, earlier in the afternoon. Yennefer and Jaskier, both dragged Geralt to this harvest festival and left him sitting alone at a table.

Geralt found Yennefer sitting at the bar, flirting with another woman. At least someone here is having fun, he thought to himself.

But his mind was actually focused on the bard, whom he hadn't seen since the beginning of the evening. He could only guess that Jaskier went off earlier in the night, with some pretty girl in his arms. The thought only worsened Geralt's mood. Having feelings he couldn't quite understand towards Jaskier didn't make his life any easier. Knowing for sure that Jaskier didn't return those feelings made it almost unbearable.

Geralt frowned, taking another gulp of his ale. A familiar voice startled him out of his thoughts. A warm body pressed itself against Geralt's side.

"Hi! Sorry for disappearing earlier, I saw an old friend of mine here. You look like you're definitely enjoying yourself".

"I'm going back to the inn now" Geralt muttered into his cup, avoiding looking directly at Jaskier. He found himself doing that more than often during their recent conversations.

Jaskier hummed in thought, still staring at him. "Yeah, I get it. Usually I'd make a joke about you being dressed and looking like we're attending a funeral, but this party is indeed horrible. I'll come with you".

Geralt raised an eyebrow. "Thought you wanted to come here. You even managed to drag me with you".

"And no regrets about that, my friend. You could use a night out. Unfortunately, this isn't a very successful one". Jaskier searched for Yennefer with his eyes, gasping when he found her. "Oh. Woah. At least someone here is having fun". Geralt lifted his head just in time to see Yennefer pulling away from a kiss with the girl by the bar. The Witcher felt satisfied with himself that it didn't make him feel a thing.

Yennefer turned her head to look at them. Jaskier waved at her, smiling and pointing at the door. Yennefer smiled back, nodding and resumed kissing the girl.

"I think Yen's gonna be alright. So, shall we?" Jaskier took away Geralt's empty cup from his hand, fingers accidentally brushing against Geralt's. Geralt felt his heart stirring in his chest. "Drinking like a pig ain't gonna solve your problems, Witcher. You okay? Wanna talk?". Jaskier sitting so close and talking to him like that didn't make Geralt feel any better about himself. He turned to glare at Jaskier.

"I would be okay if I wasn't dragged to this stup-" Geralt paused, blinking. "Are you… Is that makeup on your face?"

Jaskier knitted his eyebrows, before raising them and chuckling. "Oh, yeah. Forgot about this. Yennefer did this a couple of hours ago. Y'know, for the party. I'm actually pretty fond of it". Jaskier titled his head to the side, batting his eyelashes and smiling brightly. "Do you like it?"

Geralt couldn't stop staring at him. Jaskier looked ridiculously hot like this. The black eyeliner brought out the blue color of his eyes. The green, sparkling eyeshadow was a nice touch, too. Geralt never thought of Jaskier wearing eyeliner, but now he definitely knew that he loved it. It looked so good on him, it was almost unfair.

Geralt hesitated with his answer. Jaskier's unbuttoned shirt, revealing a lot of pale skin and chest hair, didn't contribute to his thoughts. "It looks…" Good. Gorgeous. Hot. Irresistible. You're irresistible. You're beauti- "new on you".

Jaskier stared at him for a moment before snorting and shaking his head. "I'll take that as a compliment".

You should Geralt thought, but remained silent. "So you like it?"

"Yeah. Actually, I do. Oh, I also had red lipstick on earlier, but it wore off quickly. You should have seen how it looked". Geralt really wished he could. Jaskier continued speaking. "Got a lot of stares during the evening, but most of them were accompanied by flirting and compliments". Jaskier paused, snorting again. "From both men and women".

Geralt tried to decipher his tone at the last sentence, but with no success. "So why aren't you out there fucking some farmer's wife? Or maybe the farmer himself". Fuck, he really didn't mean to say that.

Jaskier pouted at him and Geralt couldn't stop staring at his mouth, imagining kissing off red lipstick from it. "Funny today, aren't we? For your information, I'm just not in the mood. But maybe you could use someone to warm you up and kiss that frown off your stupid face".

Geralt tried to suppress a smile. "I'll pass".

Jaskier gazed at him for another moment before speaking. "Well, too bad". He got up from the table and went towards the door. Geralt was left sitting at the table with wide eyes.

"Geralt! You're coming or what?"

Geralt got up and followed the bard silently out of the tavern. Jaskier yawned. "Ugh, I could so use a warm bed now and an eight hour nap".

"Eight hours isn't a nap".

"If that's really your opinion, then I pity you". Geralt's shoulders shook with silent laughter and he noticed Jaskier glancing at him with a smile.

(to be continued!)

Update: Link to part 2-

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Your nan in? Janis: what? Jimmy: not a hard question, does she work weekends or what? Janis: stop trying to get with my nan, freak Jimmy: I'm trying to do nowt, our kid is Jimmy: [a picture of Bobby with a lewk on and some kind of gift for Libi because he's asking her out lowkey] Jimmy: so go on, she there or not? Janis: Aw Janis: where's he off to? Janis: I'm looking after Libi, dunno if it's classed as punishment or they just wanted to piss off out for the day that bad Jimmy: Asia's sister's having a 🥳🎂🎁 and he don't wanna go on his own Jimmy: last night were the first I heard Jimmy: so I said I'd ask if he can invite Libi out Janis: relatable Janis: wouldn't wanna face all those 🦷🦷 alone either Janis: I'll show her the 📸 sure she'll be pure buzzing Jimmy: it's alright for you I've gotta piss about and translate 'cause none of them can be bothered to learn how to talk to him Jimmy: not til 🕑 loads of time to put her 👗👠👑 on but he's been ready for ages Janis: I mean, glad they haven't just assumed they can shout really, really loud at him Janis: only cute when she does it, obvs Janis: but that's shit, Asia's gonna think you're hanging about to 👀 her, you know Janis: 👗👠👑 and everything Jimmy: I were 🤞 she wouldn't wanna be there surrounded by kids and that, but they probably are her mental age Jimmy: be a right laugh then, this 😒 Jimmy: 🤞 now I can convince the pair of them to go do something else Janis: they're weird about it Janis: great for the 'gram pretending you're bezzies with your little sisters Jimmy: the rest of the #squad gonna be there then? Janis: not 💀👑 or #2 I doubt Janis: maybe the others though Jimmy: I get it, they'd scare the kids Jimmy: float away if they grab a 🎈 Janis: with their combined BMI, no point pretending they wanna be future mummy bloggers Janis: 🩸🩸 pact it ain't Jimmy: sure Azerbaijan or whatever her name is, is gutted they ain't coming Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: Auntie Mimi Janis: 😏 Jimmy: you got a 👗👠👑  there you can chuck on an' all? Janis: so nice of you to reckon I'm ready to step in to sign backup Jimmy: you know loads of insults, that's all the birthday girl ever has to say to him Janis: she must be unbearable Janis: Asia with less filter, some fucking how Janis: I can come with Jimmy: tah Jimmy: it were doing his head in 💭 what it might be like Janis: understandable Janis: kids are dicks Janis: but if everyone else is going, you don't wanna be the one who don't Jimmy: yeah, he weren't having that Janis: they'll have a good time Janis: providing he ain't 😳 to be seen with her Janis: she's putting on some kind of costume rn Janis: might need to 👍👎 Jimmy: he'll be chuffed Jimmy: if this party had been the other year with his mates from home he'd have put his own 👗👠👑 on Janis: Asia's probably dressed bday girl up in a matching 'fit with her Janis: lovely visual, not weird as fuck Janis: they'll be the most 😎 ones there, deffo Jimmy: I'm wrapping a weird doll with massive 👀 that looks like her on a night out rn Jimmy: [a picture] Janis: ✝️✝️✝️ Janis: gonna tell the hot priest to book that in after me Jimmy: sent a 🎁 list, her mini me, you ever heard of such a pisstake? Jimmy: mate, you're turning 7 Janis: bad enough when adults do it just 'cos they've decided to do the paperwork Janis: that's some bullshit Jimmy: she's such a little twat 🤞 Libi gives her the shit 🎅 treatment Janis: letting her bring her whatever tat she's picking up about the gaff Janis: go ahead, like Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: brb gonna go dress in all black like those dickheads who work puppets Janis: when are you not all in black though Jimmy: loads Janis: 🏫 don't count Janis: no choice Janis: or whatever the CG uniform is Jimmy: 1. I weren't on about school 2. you know what the uniform is, you've been in Janis: not committed it to memory like Janis: soz Janis: have to 💭 about Pete more, you're right Jimmy: you did 👀 at it enough, dickhead Jimmy: but I get it, my 👀 are up a bit from the apron Jimmy: very PG, you Janis: PC and PG Janis: 💔 Jimmy: good thing I've got you to rein me in at this bollocks party Janis: not a wet blanket Janis: but this party will probably be traumatizing enough so you're welcome anyway Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: she can stay at ours after if she wants, let you piss off and do something that ain't Janis: oh, yeah, cheers Jimmy: no bother Janis: if you ever need, he can come here Jimmy: take you up on that when this Sharon's gone and Ian's hanging about 💔🎻😭 Janis: a new one? Janis: or is xmas Sharon back Jimmy: doing the rounds her Jimmy: be a record Janis: 😱 Janis: buy a hat Jimmy: get another exorcism booked, more like Jimmy: been trying to 🙏 her away Janis: he's a little preoccupied rn Janis: oops, soz, He's Jimmy: bloody typical Janis: shit nan got in early and they're like 🤝 Janis: do anything for her Janis: priorities Jimmy: 💔 she won't do owt for me Jimmy: reckoned I'd made a top first impression Janis: @ her Jimmy: what is it? Janis: @godandmejudgingeverybody Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: she reckons so too Jimmy: I worked that out when we 🤝 Janis: BFFs in the making Jimmy: obvs Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: if she's chucking about incense an' all, I might do Janis: Poor boy Janis: baptism of 🔥 ain't far off Jimmy: still 😱😱 you didn't do that to Lucas' car Jimmy: what did I even bother giving you a lighter for, girl? Janis: 😒 piss off Janis: you didn't see how fucked it was Janis: talk 😱😱 like Freddie got hold of it Jimmy: where's the 📷s? Janis: love keeping evidence on my phone, me Janis: think on Janis: getting us out of detention, not back in Jimmy: weren't gonna tweet 'em, calm yourself down Janis: see for yourself Monday Janis: not like he can afford a replacement or paint job Jimmy: he'll have had it done piss poor Janis: just some emulsion Janis: not for his baby Jimmy: gotta do what you've gotta do Jimmy: we've all nicked out the 🎨 cupboard Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: oh so you don't want today's? alright Jimmy: ❌ Janis: didn't say that Jimmy: in the 🗑 now, Janet Janis: shut up Janis: give it me Jimmy: when I see you Jimmy: can't have you feeling left out about all these 🎁s Jimmy: our kid's been trying to pick half the garden like it ain't winter Janis: so smooth, that one Jimmy: SO 😍💕🤝 the pair of them Janis: it's pretty cute Janis: for now Jimmy: can't wait to see how many Josephs the star of the nativity's got Jimmy: bet her sister and me can't count that high Janis: you calling a 7 year old a slag? 😏 Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: 💭 about someone else then, my bad Jimmy: that sounds like you, we're back on track Janis: now I'm a slag Janis: have been chatting to my nan Jimmy: ain't my fault 💀👑 reckons 💭 is cheating if anyone else does it Janis: the dissonance between that and 1. what she do and more importantly 2. what daddy do Janis: 🤯 Jimmy: dunno what your 🤓🗨 means but she's a hypocrite, yeah Janis: come on Janis: left out cognitive for you Jimmy: 🏆 Jimmy: Bill wanted you to have that Janis: that's why he's my fave Jimmy: alright, I'll leave you to @ him Janis: OR Janis: you could be nice to me and I'll reconsider my ratings Jimmy: invited you to a 🥇 party a bit ago Jimmy: don't get nicer than that, dickhead Janis: **a shit party, possibly the shittest if Asia's had fuck all to do with organizing Janis: but you are bringing me a pity present so 🥉 Jimmy: Oi, it's a masterpiece Jimmy: and I'm having Libi for you when she's 🎂🧁🍭🍬😁 Janis: you aren't offering spoilers Janis: but you did offer that Jimmy: you can have one that I reckoned wouldn't be #goals enough Jimmy: [funny doodles shading the gals and this party etc, we know what I'm saying] Janis: 😂😂😂 Janis: it's 🤓 goals Jimmy: you can frame it, just don't stick in on your story Janis: still know what I'm doing Janis: not been that long Jimmy: THANK GOD Jimmy: teaching you signing is one thing Janis: oi Janis: you don't need to teach me nothing about #goals Jimmy: you do alright Janis: better than any other bitch could Jimmy: that'll be why I picked you Jimmy: not some other lass Janis: don't act like you're regretting it then Jimmy: if I were performing that scene it'd be loads more dramatic Janis: wait for your cue Jimmy: how about you stop reading ahead Janis: 🤪 Jimmy: I said you were doing alright not that I were regretting owt Janis: I don't like the sound of alright Janis: sounds a bit participation 🏆 Jimmy: *🥈 Janis: that means 🥈 as a team Janis: joint effort Jimmy: it means you're 🥈 to my 🥇 Janis: bollocks Jimmy: how is it? Janis: you're no better Janis: we do the same amount Jimmy: UGH fine Janis: you can't be 🥇 on your own Janis: ✊🍆 Jimmy: couldn't be #goals on my own Janis: same thing Jimmy: is it? Janis: with what we're talking about Jimmy: I were giving you my review, not the fans Janis: I know how big your head is Janis: no need to 💬 Jimmy: you can have a 🥇 for how massive yours is an' all Janis: I don't want that one Jimmy: what do you want? Janis: 🥇 review Jimmy: that's what you had before you picked holes in my wording Janis: fine Janis: say it again and I'll 🤐 Jimmy: I'll 🤐 Janis: UGH fine Jimmy: 🙄 ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Janis: if I wanted to chat to my sister Janis: I'd ask if she was coming Jimmy: and if I wanted my lines corrected I'd @ Bill's 👻 Janis: maybe if I 🔊 'em I'd feel different Jimmy: I'll follow Libi's lead Janis: as long as it's before the shindig Janis: doesn't sound #goalz Jimmy: we'll have to whisper then Jimmy: wouldn't want the birthday girl to hear me calling her a twat Janis: 😏 Janis: not 🥇 guest behaviour Janis: heaven forbid Jimmy: have to have our own party and have it be up to us what's 🥇 guest behaviour Janis: we should Janis: but where Jimmy: we can have it here 🤞 they'll trash the place and Ian'll be so 💔🎻😭 he packs what's left up Janis: alright Janis: but where are you putting the kid Janis: your sister can hang maybe but call me crazy, six is a bit too young Jimmy: with his 👰? Janis: 💡 Janis: we could set that up Janis: my nan works with kids, the non-shit one Libi lives with Janis: he'd be good Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: ✔👍 Janis: BUT WHAT WILL WE WEAR Jimmy: OMG! Jimmy: 🛍🛍🛍!! Janis: 😍😍😍 Janis: YAAAAAAAASSSSSS Jimmy: what are you actually wearing for this bollocks in a bit though? Jimmy: 🚫💡 me Jimmy: do I go #goals or do her head in? Janis: you don't wanna look like you've made a special effort for her Janis: but I will be there so 🤔 Janis: go hot but more what they 💭 I'm into Jimmy: so dress like a lass? alright Janis: 😒❌ Janis: peak 'you' Janis: twat Jimmy: 😎 I get it Janis: 👏 Janis: there you go Jimmy: tah 😘 Jimmy: would HATE to upstage the birthday girl Janis: I've checked their socials to make sure I do Janis: as you asked Jimmy: should be in the group chat Jimmy: [shows her pisstakey qs he's been sending Asia] Janis: I turned the notifs off Jimmy: they do go on and on Jimmy: I won't 🗨 that'll be why you're 🥈 Janis: they wanna 🗨 to you Janis: not me Jimmy: but I want to talk to you Jimmy: and read what you have to say to them, obvs Janis: okay, fair point Jimmy: you're funny, said that before Janis: I won't  🗨 if it's list worthy Jimmy: alright, I won't tell you Janis: 😔 Jimmy: what? Janis: now I wanna know, obviously Janis: but Jimmy: but? Janis: won't ask won't tell Jimmy: so ask Janis: well you'll probably just say nah now Jimmy: make me sound like more of a dickhead Janis: you're not Janis: you just take the piss Jimmy: I know when to leave it out Janis: okay Janis: so does it? Jimmy: why wouldn't it? Janis: I know I'm great and have a MASSIVE head and everything Janis: but don't crack myself up Janis: 🤣🤣🤣😬 Jimmy: it's my list Jimmy: dunno why that's hard to get your head round Jimmy: you don't get a say what's on it and it don't matter if you agree or not Janis: alright Janis: were just saying why it might not be Jimmy: alright Janis: but is it Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: not gonna have a list of things and just not put something I give you loads of compliments about on it Janis: okay Janis: 😎 Jimmy: 🚭 for a bit 💔🎻 Janis: might have cigars Janis: is a birthday Jimmy: one Asia might've organised Janis: those candy ones Jimmy: 🤞😁🤞 Janis: Bobby will be in his impression element Jimmy: he'd have to take Libi's fav 🖍 out from behind his 👂 Jimmy: not very #goals Janis: goals when she realises Janis: so 😍 Janis: she's done him a picture Janis: tell him to pretend it's good Jimmy: well harsh critic, you Jimmy: dunno if I wanna give you this 🎨 now Jimmy: or tell him owt 'cause he's been trying to get us to go knock on your nan's door for ages Janis: she's 4, and not picasso Janis: that's not mean Janis: we are ready, if he wants to come play first, or go to the park Janis: whatever Jimmy: you've near had my 👂 off, don't make me van Gogh Jimmy: be nice to me Janis: awh Janis: don't be 💙 Janis: come over Jimmy: okay Janis: you don't have to Janis: but she's rabid too Jimmy: I've left, not gonna turn him back round Jimmy: hang on Janis: 👍 Jimmy: [show up so Bobby can adorably ask Libi to come to this party with him like it's a date on the doorstep and Jimothy can give his bae a single 🌹 for the shakespearean romance of it along with this 🎨 which I like to think isn't just a doodle like the rest but a full moment because she really inspired him by getting them out of detention] Janis: [she will be thrilled, love to imagine how iconic the party fit we've assembled is, a whole mishmash of things we love you know the vibe, probably gonna smooch him like what a lovely surprise and this is her romcom now lmao, thank god these kids be distracted 'cos we are likewise overwhelmed af by both these gestures in a way we don't even want babbies to see thank you] Jimmy: [I know that you'd never be able to find a lewk iconic enough for this mvp so I shall imagine it, likewise glad that these children are having their rom com moment because adorable but also because Jimothy would be feeling so awks because we don't normally try with our art and don't think we're good at it, go show Bobby your room gal, kids love doing that and JJ can have a cuppa or something and calm down] Janis: [yeah idk what pinterest rabbit hole I'd have to go down but doubt we'd get the desired effect, I'm thinking some kind of superhero moment on top w a cape, then a tutu, then some snazzy boots, then a crown, you know exactly the moment we're wilding and Asia's sisters are gonna be like oh lmao, probably put Killer in the garden so she doesn't bowl Bobby over immediately but you can go play with her too, just keep looking at this art shamelessly 'cos he's stepped his game up and we are impressed, also finding a way to braid this rose into our hair which again doubt I'll get a photo but it'd be a lewk as well, go sit with your cuppas like the parents you are lol] Jimmy: [yeah they are usually v basic with their children's lewks you'd need instagram or like a celeb who lets their kid dress themselves and even then, might not be the vibe, Asia's sisters can honestly fuck off because we know the older one who's like younger than Cass so in my head probably like 9/10 is an even bigger bitch so, what's important is how buzzing these kids are because haven't seen each other for ages and how 😳 Jimmy is by her reaction to the art and her hair lewk and how shamelessly he'd be checking her out when she was making the tea because we know she's also wearing one] Janis: [like she's 4 hens idk what to tell ya, she does not care for your shade, we're having a time, we all know the gals, whoever be there, will be going for an overly girly look so you'd win by default but we've clearly tried 'cos want to and we know why] Jimmy: [not soz that she's not 7 going on 17 like the bday gal, idk about you but I feel like if Hollie has any siblings they are probably brothers so she has no reason to be there, so realistically none of them might be unless Grace is babysitting instead of working in the clothes shop in which case she might be but it wasn't really about any of you or for your benefit hens, plus that feels like a vibe because Asia probably was thinking she'd flirt with him] Janis: [tea, like she's a hoe so she don't care but she could've gone in if none of them were about so a mood, not soz to stop that awkwardness at all 'what continent is in his class then?'] Jimmy: [lbr Mia would be encouraging her to like she'd been trying to get Grace to when he first arrived so yeah, as for replying to the bae we just 😏 and shrugging as we make up loads of more and more ridiculous names] Janis: [we all know it, like okay ladies it's clearly not going anywhere but pop off embarrassing yourselves trying, just having a moment of doing that back and forth for the lols] Jimmy: [let it go Mia! we all know he'll have choked on his tea at least once because she is funny we weren't wrong] Janis: [we've missed this] Jimmy: [live your best lives kids even if he would keep getting distracted by the hair 🌹] Janis: ['any particular plan of attack or?'] Jimmy: ['you not leaving me on my own 'cause she'll have one for me' we're joking but lowkey where is the lie] Janis: [just a look that is like ew but obviously 'or with her ma' 'cos just imagining her as an older Asia like there's just all the generations here] Jimmy: [the look on his face would be everything because we've not even considered that] Janis: [just like mhmm, doubt you've ever met her mum in a real capacity girl but also doubt you're wrong lol 'dad did one for a reason...I'll protect you'] Jimmy: [snuggling into her like we're trying to hide which is obvs purely for the pisstake and not because we want to] Janis: [snuggling him back but in a really extra way to prove we're also in on the #bants of it all] Jimmy: ['you got a plan?' like is there anything you wanna do to fuck with the gals while we're there, blatantly still in the snugg as we say this] Janis: [thinking, not just to drag this whole experience out but you know, 'are we inviting them to the party?'] Jimmy: [drawing little ?s on her skin while she's thinking without thinking ourselves about how distracting that'd be or why we probably shouldn't rn 'depends'] Janis: [! when he's doing it but then doing it back to the depends] Jimmy: ['are we still their fake mates?' because lbr the temptation always to just tell them all to go fuck themselves and genuinely thinking about how she was gonna behave at this party if Janis wasn't there] Janis: [shrugs 'they're shit mates, we don't have to invite them and we could still use it later to fuck with them' like they'll get over the diss of not being invited so fuck it if we don't wanna] Jimmy: ['alright' boy you make me laugh does that mean you wanna invite them or you don't] Janis: [tickle him a bit like alright what, dickhead] Jimmy: [so fake offended like excuse you I'm not off my tits on Helena's pain meds today but we know he's actually okay because he's obvs ticking her back more than she did to him] Janis: [getting out 'I will kick you' but as a warning not a threat 'cos don't wanna actually injure you here boy] Jimmy: ['no you won't' lowkey sounds like a challenge there boy but we know you're saying she loves you too much 'not shit mates, us'] Janis: [a LOOK 'we're alright' 'cos didn't mean to drag you so much over a word, the feels are confusing and high] Jimmy: [return the LOOK 'and you are' because you're alright too still even though you did drag him 😏] Janis: [between 🤭 and 😳 like okay, I know, shh but we're not mad 'you' like you too bitch] Jimmy: [touch her hair like you've wanted to this entire time 'but this...' like this needs a word you won't drag me for because you've made such good choices gal 'not alright' because at the same time WE ARE AFFECTED AF] Janis: ['do something about it then' which IS a challenge but you know full well these kids are in and out/you have no time but do we care] Jimmy: [is going to pull her hair in that way that's meant to be playful and pisstakey but is saucy as all hell because of course he is] Janis: [trying so hard NOT to react and make a sound that the lip bite you have to do would be indecent Jimmy: [so indecent that he'd have to do his own while we run our thumb over her bottom lip like always] Janis: [kissing that thumb honey] Jimmy: [I hope the kids are busy because we're making a SOUND like it or not] Janis: [be in the bedroom playing happily tah] Jimmy: [you gotta because we're pulling her into our lap to kiss her] Janis: [we will let you have this 'cos you need to] Jimmy: [likewise gotta let him also pull whatever clothes he needs aside so he can do an epic lovebite somewhere where these kids nor the kids at this party can't see the massive bruise because they'd all have faded and that upsets me] Janis: [boo says not on my watch, I also sincerely hope mcvickers have gone somewhere for the day and don't just waltz in now because we are so into it] Jimmy: [soz but we've started something now without him stopping himself so we literally cannot stop, it has been forever since they last did any of this] Janis: [concerned he would never wanna again so we're doing the most rn] Jimmy: [I don't even need to say how into it he is] Janis: [bit rude of us to do this and send you to a kid's party but that's life] Jimmy: [I am that rude bitch] Janis: [if it wasn't rude to Bobby we'd just dump you on 'em but you know, this has dealt with some tension and increased the rest lmao] Jimmy: [you're welcome but also I'm soz (I'm not though) hens] Janis: [gotta stunt on Asia so she can report back] Jimmy: [we shall and it'll be glorious] Jimmy: [I was thinking there should be a person there doing the kids' make up and nails because she's 7 going on 17 and so Bobby should get his painted Libi's fave colour and vice versa] Janis: [that's cute as hell, Libi acting like this makeup lady is a facepaint one like make me this tah] Jimmy: [don't worry gal, jimothy will paint your face for you when we leave this party and it will be bomb because I feel like the makeup woman is like that hairdresser woman in the duchess who wouldn't let her daughter sit in the car] Janis: [Luckily you to lil to be made to feel embarrassed just like hmm you're not very good are you like can't make me a tiger? bit shit hen lmao] Jimmy: [sass everyone gal JJ are here for it and you know they'd also ask her to facepaint them, just coming at her with ideas until she's like please stop] Janis: [this woman trying to paint pink nails and do some sparkly gloss and we're like challenge yourself babes, also gonna scran this party food it better be good fam] Jimmy: [I hope it tastes alright at least even if it looks tacky as hell lol] Janis: [at least you can't not go the sugar route at a kids bday, can't make 'em eat salads n water lol] Jimmy: [imagine everyone dancing please, JJ be dancing, Libi and Bobby, Libi and Jimothy and Janis and Bobby] Janis: [a whole mood, imagine everyone's faces at all times it's so amusing] Jimmy: [I can't wait for when Asia reports all of this back to Mia and she sees all the content everyone is posting] Janis: [when has a boy ever, the idea of even bringing one home horrifies y'all] Jimmy: [not at all soz that he's actually the softest boy ever and loves both of these bubs instead of whatever weird barista stereotype y'all thought] Janis: [they obvs thought he was 😎 stereotype for real like ok gals] Jimmy: [omg just saw on Pinterest these cards like who knows the bday girl best that you fill in and we have to have JJ fill in some for their own lols that they obvs aren't gonna give to this child but] Janis: [that's a must omg] Jimmy: [also there should be like a cupcake decorating station or something like that because the bubs would actually have fun doing that and JJ can be competitive doing theirs] Jimmy: [photobooth goes without saying but one where the photos come out and you can keep them because then we can have so many great mems thank you] Janis: [when we're just ignoring every guest lowkey love it] Jimmy: [obvs if there are kids in your class you fuck with Bobby you can proudly introduce Libi to them, cos let's assume they aren't all dicks] Jimmy: [and lowkey Libi can introduce Bobby because he's been too shy to talk to any of y'all] Janis: [statistically, some of you must be okay lol, also some kids lowkey like the shine of a 'different' kid and like to like help, which is cute even if it's a bit like oh you special, they don't mean it like that] Jimmy: [yeah at that age they are basically just trying to be nice and helpful so it's fine] Janis: [make some friends, Libi is v sociable so this should be fun and not as terrible as you worried, we got you babe] Jimmy: [at least if Libi has got this JJ can have a sec to themselves] Janis: [got to be couple #goals too, I mean we have been but like, keep Asia away] Jimmy: [because that's the ONLY reason honey not that we just wanna] Janis: [mhmm, obvs, not like we got interrupted from going there] Jimmy: [and we obvs think she's gonna just leave after this and go do whatever so we're trying to make the most of this time as if we won't shamelessly invite her in to have her face painted] Janis: [like where does she wanna be, she didn't even wanna beforehand but especially not now lol god bless] Jimmy: [like he probably thinks she wants to go 🐕🏃 for that 💰 but you could literally take these children with you sir] Janis: [like that is what we would do but we also want a life 'cos we've not for these last 3 going on 4 years and it's getting old] Jimmy: [the tea because likewise all he does is work and look after Bobby and Cass so we just wanna live our own life] Janis: [it's both what we want and good news guys you're gonna make it] Jimmy: [gonna be such good parents because you're already doing it now when you're literally 15 and not in a good headspace/situation] Janis: [letting you have fun first, we still gotta look after these kiddos but we're gonna get rid of Ian and Cass will be old enough to help and it'll all be better] Jimmy: [sounds like they are gonna kill Ian which makes me lol] Janis: [lmao, plottwist but no, lowkey what do happen to you Ian lordt] Jimmy: [please feel free to fuck off somewhere else like back up north sir] Janis: [that's a mood, like okay, bye then] Jimmy: [but anyway before we get derailed is there anything else you wanna do at this party or shall we skip?] Janis: [we probably know the vibes, we all had a good time despite the odds and the gals are gonna get the lowdown from Asia] Jimmy: [enjoy the walk back because the kids will be running ahead buzzing off all this sugar and their good time] Janis: [you should take both dogs out as y'all are buzzing, run off their energy too] Jimmy: [good idea because Twix do need to socialise too she's just a baby] Janis: [yeah Killer is a bit older now but she's still v excitable] Jimmy: [just two 🐕 gal pals] Janis: [love stories for all lollollol] Jimmy: [imagine all the artsy pics Jimothy would be getting like a little art hoe] Janis: [we're about it, such a family unit honestly it's wild] Jimmy: [I love it but not the awkward moment when they get back to mcvickers house to take Killer home and he has to be like are you coming to have your face painted or what because fully expecting her to be like nahhh] Janis: [DO YOU WANT YOUR FACE PAINTED BITCH, just seeming like we're like HELL YEAH 'cos we do wanna come] Jimmy: [also we should say mcvickers are back for the lols] Janis: [absolutely, we would've messaged them so they weren't like HELLO but now when we're going back to his it's like SeriousParentTime™] Jimmy: [maybe they won't let Libi sleep over so she's just coming for a bit because then once Bobby crashes they can actually live] Janis: [that makes sense for now, she's probably never had a sleepover outside of the fam because she's that small so go with that] Jimmy: [and lowkey we could potentially palm Bobby off on Cass to put to bed if they wanted to go to the pub or wherever because they are both serving lewks] Janis: [have walked the dog and had 'em all day, c'mon gal lol] Jimmy: [exactly but for now go and do your facepainting sesh because I vote that Bobby is a 🐺 seeing as it's like a dog upgrade and he's feeling himself today and that Jimothy gets the bae to do him as a 💀 for that flatwhite shade] Janis: [ooh, what do you wanna be gals] Janis: [hmm, Libi should ask for a galaxy moment 'cos Star, no pressure, get abstract lmao, maybe a vampire moment for you Janis] Jimmy: [let's not think about how up close and personal facepainting is lads] Janis: [but let's lmao] Jimmy: [please go return the favour of showing Libi your room and then like go on the trampoline or something children] Janis: [live your best lives so we can be here with our face paint on lol] Jimmy: [obvs offering her more tea] Janis: [just gesturing to our face like make it blood but obvs nodding 'cos duh] Jimmy: [he is a big enough nerd to like bring you a glass of water with red food colouring in it while the kettle boils] Janis: [🙄😏 'cos he's funny too hun] Jimmy: [pretends like he's gonna snatch that 🌹 out of her hair and put it in the water but obvs doesn't actually] Janis: [fake #shooketh 'no takebacks'] Jimmy: ['you wanna kill it an' all?' just flirting and sassing nbd] Janis: ['sure, blame me when you picked it' fake tut] Jimmy: [Oi, you inspired me, it is your fault' looks up dramatically to where Bill's ghost would be floating around 'and a bit his'] Janis: [flirty smiles at where Bill is like I don't mind hehe] Jimmy: [throw something at her like we're so fake jealous and fuming] Janis: [throw something back 'he can't help being a romantic'] Jimmy: [going to make that tea like uggggggggh] Janis: don't be jealous Janis: he 💕 you too Jimmy: he's just using me to get to you Jimmy: not as thick as I look Janis: how long were you chatting to asia Janis: sounds just like her Jimmy: if she's the unappreciated genius 🖋🎭 instead of me and my 🎨 FUMING Jimmy: plot twist too far, that Janis: 😂 Janis: think you're safe Janis: much to her 💔 Jimmy: I were a bit ago an' all, tah for that Jimmy: very 💪🏆🥇 you Janis: reckon you could take her in a fight but Janis: yeah Jimmy: not THAT northern, steady on Janis: you'd be doing her a favour Janis: 🦷🦷 Janis: so fuck that Jimmy: exactly Jimmy: if I were bothered about doing other lasses favours I'd open my DMs Janis: you've mentioned Jimmy: you want owt else while I'm here? Janis: all good Janis: tah Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I'm glad he ended up having a good time Janis: and not every kid in his class is a little twat Jimmy: only be 💔🎻😭 when she goes off home Jimmy: how it should be Janis: 😏 such a purist, you Jimmy: a what? Jimmy: sounds well like you're insulting us Janis: maybe Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: LITERALLY just complimented you Janis: when? Janis: must be AGES ago Jimmy: I get it, you don't know how to tell time either Jimmy: it's alright, we'll work it out together Jimmy: [bring that tea in] Janis: [buzzing like we really need this tea, nothing to do with you] Jimmy: [we're totally also buzzing about this tea and not because she is, yep] Janis: [no one is this excited for a cuppa not even yous or us lol] Jimmy: [I like to think that he goes to kiss her and once again stops himself but this time it's only because of the face paint and we're looking in the direction of upstairs where the children are 'don't fancy having that Q&A' meaning Libi asking what happened if she appears and they have ruined it] Janis: ['she's a right cockblock' and what's meant to be a fake 😒 but we're not not lbr] Jimmy: [we're remembering when we played that game where you had to kiss without touching and reminding her about it like we could change the rules if you're up for that challenge] Janis: [nods 'cos don't trust ourselves to say ANYTHING about this idea] Jimmy: [picture this, he starts out by touching her hair OBVS because he's obsessed but then just gently pulling on her earlobe cos he would've put it in his mouth if he could've then going down her jawline and neck writing kiss or doing an ✔ depending on the surface area we have to play with using our fingertip and varying the amount of pressure depending if it would've been a hard or soft kiss and just doing that for all the skin that's available everywhere] Janis: [shan't because we can't cope and at least we can be obvious about that, these kids are busy and gotta do what we gotta do Jimmy: [gotta do what we've gotta do and we are doing the MOST on this sofa rn even though his entire family + Libi could appear any moment] Janis: [getting on top of you on this sofa even though it's a bad idea for all the above reasons, not to mention the eye contact it demands 'you're rude'] Jimmy: [but it's a good idea for the sound he would make when she did so we're unrepentant over here 'you' well done for getting the word out boy] Janis: [shaking her head and getting the most movement out of that 'you started it'] Jimmy: [pulling her even closer like yeah I did and I'm not soz] Janis: [running our finger across his neck like you should be 'Jimmy...' at least this would be quiet because we're that close but that's the only at least] Jimmy: [touching the lovebite he gave her earlier so deliberately with such intense eye contact like I am simply not though] Janis: ['takes the piss' and pouting 'cos literally vampire facepaint and she hasn't given him one yet] Jimmy: [running his thumb over that lip whilst doing his own pout because we wanna do the pouty lip bite thing SO BAD rn but we can't] Janis: [biting our lip where his thumb just was] Jimmy: [such a frustrated noise as if this wasn't his idea lol] Janis: [finally feeling like we've had a win there so we're smug] Jimmy: [tickling her like how dare you not also be dying here excuse you] Janis: [trying to pin his hands above his head like no no] Jimmy: [he's totally gonna end up pinning you to this sofa gal, just the sauciest playfight of all time happening] Janis: [we know we're breaking and we do not care, fight us Libi] Jimmy: [proud of you for lasting as long as you did tbh] Janis: [truly, have your lovebite and then some boy] Jimmy: [have to let you hook up here without anyone interrupting you or else you will both die] Janis: [have a quickie guys] Jimmy: [can't be dealing with your bad moods if you don't] Janis: [it has been days, which in your timeline is like nearly half of lmao so] Jimmy: [we all know you're extra] Janis: [gonna have to take Libi back soon gal] Jimmy: [everyone's gonna be gutted to be separated but the lads will walk you back because gentlemanly like that] Jimmy: [but for now have your tea that you're gonna have to put in the microwave because you never touched it] Janis: [my boo says HELLO] Jimmy: [also probably take your face paint off because I dread to think the state of it now] Janis: [the black face energy getting real lmao] Jimmy: [if you don't go do this together and mess about while you do by like having a water fight and only removing bits at a time so you look silly etc then I don't wanna know either of you] Janis: [obviously we must, also I think the bubbys paint should be a little smudged 'cos Libi keeps smooching him like my shameless boo] Jimmy: [so cute and I can imagine JJ just giving each other a look like 😏 because relatable] Janis: [gonna age Tess so hard gal] Jimmy: [be looking like her sim] Janis: [poor tess haha] Jimmy: [I really hope you don't actually put her through it as you're growing up hun, we've been through enough] Janis: [we do need to think about that now you exist in gen 4 kinda but like yeah, arguably we could also do bobby in the first part of the gen, ANYWAY THOUGH] Jimmy: [we could totally do some of them next if you want because we know they are gonna stay friends so] Janis: [cuteness and potential] Jimmy: [anyway is there anything else you wanna have happen before Libi goes home or no?] Janis: [we don't have to do it if you don't wanna but important to note you're obvs sleeping over right] Jimmy: [totally because I still think they should go out even if it's just to his local pub but it could also be in town out depending on the mood though I don't know how you're gonna be like DO YOU WANNA when you're yet again on this doorstep or wherever lol] Janis: [for sure, do something purely 'cos you wanna and there's no excuse or distraction] Jimmy: [exactly, because you obviously haven't yet since she got back] Janis: [or lowkey ever? you might've actually, xmas eve yeah nvm] Jimmy: [could be argued that the pub crawl was for content though whereas they literally don't need to do any more today so] Janis: [mhmm, we've slayed today, you could've gone home hun] Jimmy: [exactly and that's why this is so important but for real I don't know how he's gonna be like do you wanna not go in and come back with me yet again so there's that] Janis: [don't worry, you can probably just hook up and then be like may as well stay] Jimmy: [just throw Bobby at Cass when you get back and then you can leave] Janis: [though it might be a conversation™ 'cos she would go to leave if not immediately 'cos bit rude but early in the AM] Jimmy: [mhmm just gotta make himself too vulnerable by being like no no, hope you're at least a bit drunk guys] Janis: [sure you will be honeys, where do we wanna skip to then] Jimmy: [question is do we wanna do any of this night out and see what happens or just skip to the end? hm Janis: [always fun to do a night out, even if we skip around 'cos a lot of we know the vibe I'm sure but we can see peeps, things can happen, without it being drama central] Jimmy: [no drama please, we're trying to have a nice chill time] Janis: [exactly dr phil, and we can, there's been enough heightened emotions for a while and we've really brushed them under the rug tbh] Jimmy: [hence I'm like we should probably do this night out because when you're drunk stuff might come out] Janis: [pop off and let's ride lads] Jimmy: [the question is lads do you wanna go out out so we can really serve these lewks or stay local so you're less likely to see the world and his wife] Janis: [hmmmmm, I say go to town 'cos xmas eve you stayed local to her so go off] Jimmy: [that is true, lets go with that] Janis: [you can try and get in some of the more iconic dublin pubs and show him the sights so] Jimmy: [yeah because he wouldn't have been because he's only been here for like 2 months now and we know he's antisocial] Janis: [and you are but children, plus going out to drink on your own is depressing soz you can do lots of things alone but not that lbr] Jimmy: [literally he has done nothing since he moved here like we said before so I'm glad you have each other now] Janis: [unlikely we've done it before either 'cos age, like but we'll know where to go] Jimmy: [I vote you have to only order drinks that cliché tourists would] Janis: [really annoying cocktails they hate making etc] Jimmy: [and Guinness like you think you're doing something] Janis: [you'll be so full lol] Jimmy: 👍? Janis: 🤰 Jimmy: 👶'll be 🍀💚🎩🌈 as fuck Janis: if it makes it Janis: 🥴 Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 as you, obvs Janis: n'awh Janis: you 👍? Jimmy: I am now you've broke that news Jimmy: 😁 Janis: we're all buzzing Janis: reason to celebrate never needed when you're 🍀💚🎩🌈 but Jimmy: @iantaylor8 🏆 for most chuffed of all about the 🍀💚🎩🌈 bit Jimmy: 🍾🍻 Janis: not yours, basically white Janis: his round then? 😁 Jimmy: we'd need more luck than that to get him to 💰 owt now that 🎄 is done with Jimmy: have to kill and rob him Jimmy: but as far as celebrations go, wouldn't be 👎 Janis: let's come up  with plan #2 Janis: we can handle it Jimmy: how does the 👶 wanna do it? all about them now Janis: car bomb, obviously Jimmy: nod to its real dad Janis: pretty sure we did a big 💣 in manchester so ian will be #triggered Jimmy: just keep giving me more and more top news today, you Janis: kind of mate I am Janis: anything to see you 😁 Jimmy: [doing it IRL of course] Janis: [when he still looks good fuming tbh, squishing his face like ugh] Jimmy: [making it into a kissy face like you love me really] Janis: [pushing him away by his face but not as aggressive as that sounds and standing up to get more drinks in as Ian isn't gonna show] Jimmy: [pulls her back not as aggressive as that sounds either lol even though we know she's only leaving to get more drinks] Janis: ['oi!' and a look like whaaaaaa but it's a LOOK] Jimmy: [all the eye contact as he stands up and sit her down in his seat like no no not in your condition I will go] Jimmy: [*** unrelated to what we're doing now but I had an idea that earlier like when Bobby and Libi were doing their goodbyes cos don't need him to translate that Jimothy signed pub? at the bae in irish sign language because he doesn't know much yet and isn't trying hard to learn because he thinks they're gonna leave but he'd have learnt that as a pisstake anyway just wanted to put this here so I didn't forget that lil nugget of info my brain thought up at like 3am***] Janis: [love that for you boy, noted] Janis: [🙄 but loling like alright, if you wanna pay fine by me boy] Jimmy: [signing 'stay' from the bar because I feel like the bubs would've been doing that at Twix and Killer today so we can pretend that's purely pisstakey and no deeper] Janis: [🤨 but in a sassy manner] Janis: coming for my gig now? Jimmy: can't be taking 💰 off you that's 🍼 out the 👶's mouth Janis: you ain't gonna pay for it? Janis: rude Jimmy: OBVS, but I don't reckon 💀👑'll hear and crack on FINALLY 💰 me tips Janis: 💡 Janis: sleep with her dad, tell him it's his Janis: live off that hush 💰 Jimmy: more 🥇💡 DON'T but 🗨 you did after you've put something in his drink/ let him be a massive pisshead on it 'cause you understand him unlike his missus Jimmy: all we've faked up to now, DNA test'd be piss easy Janis: just have to snatch a bit of 💀👑's hair Janis: not hard Janis: saliva and we'd be fucked, dunno if she produces that any more Jimmy: have to hurry while she's still got hair Janis: bet #2 has some Jimmy: go round hers in a bit, can't wait, me Jimmy: 💭 if we found out 💀👑 weren't his Jimmy: they'd both be SO 💔🎻😭 to have to dump each other Janis: I wish Janis: only my family giving that level of drama Jimmy: 💔 you can't use 😭 to do a test, I'd have got Ian to crack on ages ago Janis: whoever's your dad is also Bobby's, that's for sure Jimmy: probably is him then, he ain't the sort to let his missus have bloke mates hanging round that long Janis: soz, mate Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: be a 🥇 looking 👶 at least Jimmy: all our shit parents got that bit right Janis: guess so Janis: tah for the genetics, I'll take it from here Jimmy: [bring those drinks boy and obvs get her up so you can sit back down in your seat and she can sit on you] Janis: [forever and always even though the eye contact it demands is cray, just smiling and drinking our drink] Jimmy: [likewise but also just doodling on her skin absentmindedly because we're in love and probably a bit drunk by now assumedly] Janis: ['you could do that for a job' we mean tattooist but that isn't very clear gal so we must be a lil tipsy] Jimmy: [shoutout to your future child, love that but obvs he's like ? and draws it on her] Janis: [just like ugh at ourselves 'tattoos and shit, you know' shrugs 'you got a plan?'] Jimmy: [just shrugging because we haven't let ourselves think about the future for so many reasons 'do you?'] Janis: ['nah' shakes head 'but I'll get by, don't need more, like'] Jimmy: [nodding because we get it and doing a cheers with this drink] Janis: [drink to that lads 'if anything, easier to walk dogs when I've got a car'] Jimmy: ['any time you wanna borrow Ian's, crack on' we're just thinking that he's too happy and settled rn and we need to annoy him more lol] Janis: [😏 and cheersing again like tah] Jimmy: number of 🐕s, should probably nick a 🚍 instead though Janis: can do that too Jimmy: can 😴 there an' all if you need to Jimmy: stretch out Janis: living in one seems like something my ma'd do though Janis: ❌ Jimmy: bet your shit nan's church group'd have their 👀 on it Janis: [visibly 😒] Janis: goes without saying Jimmy: [a lil feelsy lean like soz because we know she sucks even if we don't know what happened] Janis: [using it to push him off in a jokey get off kinda way, like you ain't sat on him rn] Jimmy: [messing about like you're both gonna dramatically fall off this chair but then lowkey hurting himself a lil bit though we're obvs playing that off as fake too but it's real because yet again we've had a very busy day and done so much as if we're perfectly fine] Janis: [picking him back up and steadying him like you okay boy? and nudging his drink towards his lips like that'll help] Jimmy: [down that drink boy] Janis: [just lowkey having a feel of his stomach/ribs etc like you gotta check] Jimmy: [😏 cos we're pretending she's doing it to flirt with us obvs like she just can't keep her hands to herself ever which is true but also shh sir] Janis: [going with it 'cos not not true and we know it makes him awks but we still wanna] Jimmy: [kissing her because we always just want to] Janis: [have this makeout sesh whilst giving him a massage casually] Jimmy: [excuse us people in this pub] Janis: [looks dodgier than it is frankly] Jimmy: [love how shameless you both are and how often you just behave like you're the only two people around] Janis: [we're so unbothered by other people unless they're really in our faces about it] Jimmy: [mhmm hence we're just saying we missed her and how much in between kisses because we have and we're obvs so into everything she's doing rn] Janis: ['did you?' 'cos 'course we don't believe him/it] Jimmy: [stop kissing her for long enough you can hold that eye contact so she knows you mean it but then kiss her more intensely obvs] Janis: [going in even harder 'cos definition of !!! about it] Jimmy: [have a moment because it's deserved and needed and it'll shut him up from saying any more for a sec] Janis: [saying nothing in this pub but people should do something/be staring or say something so we can move huuuuuuuun] Jimmy: [that's realistic so yes] Janis: [we going about this town] Jimmy: [twirl her like you would've done when you were at this kid's party earlier please boy] Janis: [dance down these streets but don't fall tah] Jimmy: [and don't knock into anyone either because we don't need that drama] Janis: [no fighting shakira shakira] Jimmy: [not tonight thank you] Janis: [we gotta get drunk and spill secrets] Jimmy: [confess as many feelings as we dare] Janis: [heheheh, getting shots in that vein] Jimmy: [good idea boo] Janis: 🥃🥃🥃 Jimmy: 🥳🥳🥳 Janis: partying for 2 Jimmy: remind me to @ Asia 7 years from now to let her know how to throw a 🎁🎂🎈 that ain't all 💅💄 Janis: you ain't bad at face painting Janis: can have that Jimmy: tah very much Jimmy: be alright as long as Libi don't have me doing it whenever I see her Jimmy: be a bit weird if I have to carry a full face painting kit about Janis: you don't need to be that whipped Janis: won't hurt her to hear a nah every once and a while Jimmy: no need to be jealous, Jules Jimmy: you're still my muse Janis: piss off Jimmy: I'll 🥺🥺 for 2 if you make me Janis: go ahead Jimmy: [does] Janis: [regret 'cos we feeling all the things now] Jimmy: [carve that JJ love heart into the pub table like see you're my muse and ILY] Janis: [just tracing our finger round and round this heart] Jimmy: [literally is about to draw a heart on her and I'm like boy stop] Janis: ['your ex really cheat on you?' like why would he lie, but can't believe it] Jimmy: ['what kind of question is that?' because genuinely not something he expected her to ask rn] Janis: [a shrug like soz 'just what I was thinking about'] Jimmy: [a nudge but a gentle one 'what you thinking about her for?' sir she's thinking about you] Janis: [tuts like ugh, making me explain myself, how rude lol 'are you a shit real boyfriend or what?' like why would she if you were how you're faking now] Jimmy: [a shrug like 1. probably because the messy time after his mum disappeared 2. they were young af and neither of them had good role models clearly but we don't wanna really get into either of those things 'depends on the scale' like compared to who hun because lbr not an Ian or Mia's dad but we weren't #goals] Janis: [nods like we get it 'cos we do even though not personally like that might suggest, the shakes her head like let's move on 'cos accidentally brought the vibe down and we didn't mean to 'whatever, none of my business'] Jimmy: [leaves the ex's @ in this chat whatever it is like @ her for her POV if you like but irl we're shrugging again because we're so over her just not the mum mems of that era] Janis: 🤐 Janis: [dranking this drank faster] Jimmy: [nudges her like hey it's alright] Jimmy: *🔊 Janis: [😏 'not there yet' like let's go back to bants] Jimmy: where are you then? Janis: 🥺 of course Janis: you're quite inspiring too Jimmy: show me Janis: [😳 and can't do it back 'cos now we've got the giggles like stop it] Janis: can't just 👏 like Jimmy: [we're just 😍 af because she's adorable bye] Jimmy: alright, if there's no 👏 have to take back that 🌹 and your 🏆s Jimmy: go together them Janis: well now I'm 😠 Janis: [does that instead] Jimmy: [does a 📷 mime and then wordlessly goes to get her some kind of forfeit drink for not being oscar worthy af] Janis: [doing it now he's further away 'cos easier] Jimmy: you're rude, said it earlier Janis: you Jimmy: you Janis: [points] Jimmy: [signs it which I lowkey do think is just a point but anyway] Janis: 👆 Janis: the point emojis are crap Jimmy: 💔 Janis: looks more come here Janis: which don't not work rn but Jimmy: but do come here Janis: [making our way over, of course] Jimmy: [checking her out as she does obvs and when she does get there gesturing like get this barman's attention please because it's busy but she's a hot girl so she'll have more luck] Janis: [do the least to do the most such is your privilege babe] Jimmy: [kiss her like thank you because we weren't trying to stand there all night] Janis: [the barman like aw lmao] Jimmy: #👻problems Janis: #🍆problems Jimmy: fuming if it's a not a lass serving next Janis: fuming if it is, obvs Jimmy: if you're 😠 again, I'll be back at chuffed to bits Jimmy: so cute Janis: [fake punches him] Jimmy: [writes hate across her knuckles because I am not letting you write love boy stop it] Janis: [takes off the e by pretending to cut off the pinky] Jimmy: [😏 and draws the 🎩 on the back of her hand for that irish af vibe] Janis: [writes 'pot' on the other hand like there you go, pot of gold too] Jimmy: [draw a 🌈 on that one and 💰] Janis: [lols like lovely 'told you you had a future in it'] Jimmy: [just shaking his head because we can't take a compliment] Jimmy: you gonna name this 👶 something I can't pronounce or what? Janis: [raising our brows sassily like not hard] Janis: you can name it Janis: guilt trip move Jimmy: 🤔🤔💭 Jimmy: What's Mia's daddy's name? Jimmy: got a lie to sell here Janis: 🤔 Janis: maybe Michael or something, idk Janis: Miles Jimmy: Miley he'll love that Janis: meet your new sister Mia Jimmy: sister and step mum Janis: not even weird for me Jimmy: Libi must've missed that bit when she were doing the family tree Janis: thank fuck Janis: only so much you need to hear Jimmy: what were it you said about my ages old 💔? Jimmy: nowt to do with me, that Janis: nor me Jimmy: I told you before, up to you what you wanna 🗨 Janis: you pick Jimmy: your full list's all I want Janis: [a LOOK] Jimmy: [one back always] Jimmy: you owe me the one Janis: true Janis: remind me what I've said Jimmy: 1. 🚬👃 2. 🎤🗨 3. 💋 4. 🖕✌️🤟 is a might be, you never said it were or weren't for definite 5. 🤝 6. 💫 dunno what else to do for freckles so Janis: [impressed he remembered 'cos obviously did not just look through like my boo just had to lol] Janis: don't wanna repeat, wouldn't be fair Jimmy: [when it's really important to you because you literally told her in that convo that nobody has ever been this nice to you and it's obvs true] Jimmy: so go on Janis: it's unfair you took 👀s Janis: when yours are like ☀️ Janis: but I like your brows too Jimmy: you're ☀ Jimmy: and you know I'm fuming you took 💋 an' all Jimmy: but we've both got smell on there so I'm not gonna stop you rating what you rate Janis: take it as a whole Janis: you have pretty lashes too Janis: it's Jimmy: that'll get out of hand when I just say your entire face Jimmy: or your whole body Janis: everything about you Jimmy: that an' all Janis: [and I oop, just like our drink looks so interesting rn because dying] Jimmy: [a soft 'hey' because of course like 👀 at me] Janis: [you gotta look up gal 'yeah?' also soft] Jimmy: [gestures at her to come here like you literally didn't just get kicked out of a pub for this] Janis: [do though who are we] Jimmy: [we're softly but insistently kissing the bae's throat like we can coax words out cos so much we wanna say and so much we wanna hear] Janis: [the noise we are making, running our hands through his hair goes to gripping it 'you're not-' 'I'm supposed-' can we finish a sentence? no] Jimmy: [just doing it again like do you wanna finish a sentence gal and not at all because of her other reaction of course not] Janis: ['stop it' but in the most don't stop tone imaginable 'cos at least that's a sentence] Jimmy: [we're not but we are smooching the side of her neck instead] Janis: ['coming for my gig again' and moving to the side so you've gotta smooch for reals] Jimmy: [have a lil make out lads] Janis: [again lollol] Jimmy: [can't and won't be tamed, we're doing what we want tonight] Janis: [speaking of, you should get some good scran, idk what but I'm sure there's some bomb takeout vibes] Jimmy: [definitely, I doubt there was much savoury food at that party] Janis: [you can walk n eat n mayhaps talk hmm] Jimmy: [and snuggle because it's probably cold] Janis: [even if it's stopped snowing, deffo] Jimmy: [obvs just nudging her as you go along like you alright? because this boy loves checking in] Janis: [nudges him back like aren't you?] Jimmy: [smiling because we're having a lovely time] Janis: [😍 'good'] Jimmy: [😍 and doing the handhold swingy thing as we walk] Janis: ['you're alright, you know, not boring' just sounds like you thought he was but we mean in comparison to other peeps] Jimmy: ['when did you reckon I were boring? but we're amused 'bit rude'] Janis: [a face like oi but also amused 'no, I just didn't know you weren't before'] Jimmy: ['I knew you weren't' which makes you sound like a stalker or something lol but we're too drunk to think that through clearly] Janis: ['no you didn't' not just to be contrary we're just like lies lmao] Jimmy: [his own oi face 'wouldn't have picked you if I didn't' because true] Janis: [just narrowing our eyes like suspish but okay 'well I knew you didn't chat shit constantly, or try hard like most lads do' shrugs like bitch I noticed you too] Jimmy: [🤐 mime like well yeah I don't say anything and shrugging back 'no need' because he doesn't feel like he has anything to brag about genuinely and obvs we don't have any reason to try hard for the people we don't care about] Janis: [just gesturing like yes, my point exactly 'don't stop 'em, does it'] Jimmy: [gets out the phone we've literally not looked at all night, frowns at it and puts it back without actually bothering to do anything except make a point 'the lasses either, but that's not the kind of dickheads we are'] Janis: [shakes her head like no we are not and puts her hand out for him to shake] Jimmy: [does and then does pull her in for a hug because always 'chuffed it were you' from within this hug] Janis: ['we've done a good job' also from within the hug] Jimmy: [shaking his head because we don't wanna call it a job when literally you always do sir and also that now looks like you don't think this is going well] Janis: [looking at him when you pull back like ? because how it looks] Jimmy: ['not just a shift I'm putting in, you'] Janis: ['I dunno why I had a go about that' just like how cringe of me to show I gave a shit ugh] Jimmy: ['don't you?' and a shrug 'alright then' like oh are we just pretending we don't give a shit tonight okay cos we're sassy] Janis: [little lol 'don't take the piss' 'you know what I mean. meant. whatever'] Jimmy: ['don't sound like me that' 😏 because she literally said he's not a dickhead but he takes the piss] Janis: [getting SO close and making him stop walking so you can whisper in his ear 'it sounds exactly like you' and nipping his earlobe when you say 'sounds'] Jimmy: [saying 'fuck' with SO much feeling how they do] Janis: [nods like that's what I want to and looks around like we picked the wrong location lol] Jimmy: [looks in the direction they'd have to go to retrace their steps like if you wanna go we can go because Ian's stash forever] Janis: [follows his gaze like we could but eventually shakes her head 'we've got time, more places you need to see first if you wanna be a proper tourist'] Jimmy: [nods because 🥇 or nowt is the mantra but we're kissing her really hard first so she knows we're not just chill and we feel the tension and want the same things] Janis: [have your moment and take one before the next location] Jimmy: [for once I doubt you're the only peeps being extra at least such are the joys of town] Janis: [people always cracking on you're fine, even if you cared, which we are far beyond] Jimmy: [mhmm] Janis: [full drunk by now, never mind all our feels] Jimmy: [they should go somewhere they can do some grooving because not something they've done a lot of because of her ankle happening] Janis: [good thinking boo, hit the clerb, whole different vibe] Jimmy: [how cinematic when juxtaposed against the dancing at the kids party earlier lol] Janis: [day and night honey] Jimmy: [another good excuse for more shots because you can't dance and hold a big drink] Janis: [ooh, maybe Harry could be there Janis: we can just see and ignore him but intro that 'cos haven't yey] Jimmy: [I just nearly gasped because yes we do need to do that before all the sports stuff starts and she runs into him in a way she can't swerve] Janis: [it seems legit you could be out with your mates boy, you could be a bit older/look it too, it's believable you ain't the gals, maybe if she's getting drinks or Jimmy is he can come up but it'll look like just another random tryna hit her up] Jimmy: [that seems legit to me too] Janis: [but obviously it'd put her in some type of mood] Jimmy: [might also open a line of dialogue though so] Janis: [mhmm] Jimmy: [what way round do you wanna do it because obvs if he goes to get drinks and comes back to find them talking or whatever he'll be like bitch excuse me but if she was getting drinks and runs into him that way he won't even see Harry/know about that interaction] Janis: [maybe he goes to get them, it makes it easier, even if Harry literally walks away as he comes back 'cos that kind of snekk, he'd still see but they always getting hit on so he wouldn't assume that was responsible and be like oh I get it, yknow] Jimmy: [he'll just be like 🤨 looking him over as Harry walks away  but yeah not concerned and more jokey because it does happen always and he knows she can handle it] Janis: [just 😒 watching him go] Jimmy: [handing her these shots because we just think like we said he's a stranger and she'll be over it in a sec] Janis: [down it with vigour hun] Jimmy: [likewise because that's just how shots are, you gotta go in] Janis: [ick] Jimmy: [have never enjoyed a single one I've ever had but they are not J potato] Janis: [who is babe, go get your groove on aggressively] Jimmy: [hope it's not a slow jam and I especially hope Harry is not also hitting the dancefloor with some gal] Janis: [oh lawd, we're not doing that cliche of catching eyes dancing with other people boy, I think not] Jimmy: [you think you're that important Harold but you're honestly not] Janis: [accidentally making him think you're that into him, nah] Jimmy: [but anyway I shall start a convo when we've been dancing for an age and you're clearly still 😒 hun] Jimmy: What? Janis: what do you mean what? Jimmy: what's wrong? Janis: what do you reckon makes clubs smell so bad Janis: apart from all the sweat, that's obvious Jimmy: answer me, dickhead Janis: I'm alright, seriously Jimmy: bollocks Janis: ugh Janis: it's nothing though Jimmy: *something Jimmy: you wanna go outside? Janis: [mimes 🚬] Janis: sure Jimmy: [taking her hand like let's go] Janis: [smoking area moment, not like you'll be alone they're always packed] Jimmy: [lighting you both up and giving her a sec] Janis: ['just know that lad' shrugging like that explains that] Jimmy: ['and what?' because we're not letting it just drop] Janis: [after a while thinking and stopping and starting 'and- everyone else is a dickhead, yeah'] Jimmy: how much of a dickhead is he? Janis: no more than average, I suppose Janis: 💪🍆🔥👑 Janis: you know the sort Jimmy: yeah, what I dunno is why you're so bothered Janis: just didn't fancy seeing anyone I knew out Jimmy: you barely did do Janis: then let's go somewhere else after this Janis: forget about it Janis: [smiling at him like it's not fake but we're forcing this vibe rn] Jimmy: can you? Janis: yeah Jimmy: alright Janis: sorry Janis: he's just some twat Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: it's alright Janis: its not Janis: we're having a nice time Janis: meant to be Jimmy: I meant, he's doing your head in, you're not doing in mine Jimmy: we're alright Jimmy: nice is a bit rude though, as descriptions go Janis: [a LOOK up like 😏] Janis: how'd you describe it then Jimmy: not like we're sat in having a ☕🍪 with our kid and his missus Jimmy: but if you need a review then Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: that'd be it Janis: are you saying that's the definition of nice or a better time Janis: either way I have some questions Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Jimmy: it's obvs the definition of nice 👵👴💕 Janis: [shakes head as we get up like oh you 'leave you to it then'] Jimmy: [not letting you go gal putting his arms around her like no no 'Oi, I just gave you a top review, what more do you want?'] Janis: ['can always do better' and taking his hand like let's go, stay outta our way Hazza we got places to be] Jimmy: ['than you rating me boring and nice, yeah' but we're amused of course and doing another twirl as we go] Janis: ['I did not!' and a pouty face like how dare YOU suggest I did] Jimmy: [thank god we can do the pouty lip thing this time and nothing can stop us] Janis: [freedom] Jimmy: [You're welcome lads] Janis: [y'all can do what you want like going to the toilets and living that cliche moment] Jimmy: [not the first time, we all remember pub crawl, but it would be busier so pluses and minuses to that] Janis: [we gotta for a myriad of reasons still not about you though Harry but you've put us in a mood to prove some things so tah] Jimmy: [mhmm] Janis: [get out of this clerb and into a different one, better or worse, idk what's more fun tbh] Jimmy: [again it's not about you Harold] Janis: [soz we have such a dramatic reaction to seeing you lmao like hell to the no] Jimmy: [it's deserved you're not a good egg] Janis: [we'd be more chill if we weren't drunk, like he's just gonna come over and ruin everything, he might try tbf, run lads and continue grooving] Jimmy: [we're on a touristy tour here sir gotta move along] Janis: [you are not invited good day, back on the shots shots shots] Jimmy: [don't at all look forward to seeing you soon hun] Janis: [at least we're not doing the grace of it all now, although, continuously triggering everyone 'cos that's what they think Liam did with Edie to be around Rio, which yeah at first but shh] Jimmy: [the temptation to do that again now you've said that lol] Janis: [yeah, it came to me as I typed it lol] Jimmy: [fuck it let's do it, we can totally make him her baby daddy for that hot sec to really trigger everyone haha] Janis: [no offence to your barrenness but THANK GOD don't actually need babies from lies] Jimmy: [I can't do that to you gal even if we could] Janis: [would not be cute, he'd be tryna pay for your abortion like] Jimmy: [it's so far from #goals as is nobody needs that] Janis: [it's even worse than drew and caleb soz my love but no, hence ali had to be like no no in that convo we did when we did it before] Jimmy: [but what if that's when she gets her nose ring because it's like a Cameron trying to get Nicki to wear Chloe's lipstick situation!] Janis: [🤢 OMG, you can use all the really tryhard stuff of late, like, we know you would babe] Jimmy: [Sammi's moment of trying to be black will actually be useful to me, who knew] Janis: [just thinking about the wurls wig and dying 'cos it looked so bad oh gal] Jimmy: [HARD SAME] Janis: [and I oop, we're gonna lose our mind with you] Jimmy: [the drama] Janis: [oh lord] Jimmy: [anyways back to this, do you wanna do a skip or have you got things you wanna have happen rn off the back of this Harry situation?] Janis: [we can probably skip to going home even? we know how the nights gonna go and it'll be fun and feelsy but that's the STAY of it all] Jimmy: [true I just didn't wanna rush you gal if you had stuff you wanted to say or do before that so] Janis: [nah we good I just wanted to establish him so when he crops back up later we've got this vague memory like oh] Jimmy: [it was a good way to do it boo, good thinking] Janis: [big brain booty] Janis: [where would you like to hook up/where are you then gonna try to leave from] Jimmy: [do you wanna be at his gaff or are you thinking before they get there?] Janis: [his makes sense for going to mcvickers after] Jimmy: [be having a nightcap and all the sauciness that entails but then try and leave gal] Janis: [like gotta go before anyone wakes, sure you're being well loud tbh lads but okay] Jimmy: [as excuses go a very legit one and also the bubs do wake up well early like what time even is it] Janis: [but also who cares you've been on a minibreak together] Jimmy: [literally] Janis: [baby its cold outside Jimmy: [what's your vibe like is she gonna say anything or is she just casually getting ready to leave?] Janis: [I think just getting ready when she thinks he's passed out but we're drunk so we're clearly not making a good go of doing it stealth here lol] Jimmy: [obvs gonna chuck something at her then like excuse you] Janis: [#shooketh and thus doing angry whispers 'what was that for dickhead?!'] Jimmy: ['where you going?' as if that's not obvious because we're drunk so it's not] Janis: [dramatically shushing him which in itself is louder than you're being already probs 'trying not to wake anybody up here'] Jimmy: [a sarcastic but amused 👍 because that's going well and then repeating our question] Janis: [throwing whatever he threw at us back like don't be fucking rude 'home' which you gotta stop saying when you mean mcvickers 'cos sounds like you planning to trek] Jimmy: [catching it and being really proud of ourselves with our expression but then frowning because we do think she means she's going home 'you're not, there's no buses for ages' because again what weird am is this lol] Janis: [😏 and a sassy fake clap for him 'Oh, I mean my nans' like my bad 'before he's getting up for work or...whatever'] Jimmy: [dramatically shushing her for the clap like she did to him a sec ago 'it's the weekend' because it is 'only dickheads like us do Sundays'] Janis: ['oh' when you genuinely forgot but now it seems like you lyin' lmao] Jimmy: [when you get up v dramatically to be up in her grill like 👀 cos are you lying gal but when we're standing there we just get distracted by like moving her hair out of her face and fixing her clothes and generally being soft and close and helpful] Janis: ['you-' and then getting distracted by his lack of clothing for a sec like oh '-you don't have to be nice, you know'] Jimmy: ['stop calling me nice, dickhead' but softer than the words suggest and not just because we are this close and whispering] Janis: ['stop being nice then' in a challenge type of way] Jimmy: [push her back onto this bed boy but in a hot way not a dangerous one] Janis: [definition of that 😈 tbh] Jimmy: [whatever she's managed to put on he's taking off, RIP to this dress or whatever if you don't survive] Janis: [running our fingers through his hair again for the throwback to earlier 'you're SO nice, baby'] Jimmy: [giving her a massive lovebite near to wherever he did that first one way earlier and going as hard for that throwback as well because we're 😈 ] Janis: [when you're egging him on telling him how nice he is over and over but then you do the biggest gasp] Jimmy: [going over the OG one as well because it's right there tempting us 'I'll do whatever you want for as long as you're here, nice, not nice, owt else' like don't go gal] Janis: [just about getting out 'but what do you want?'] Jimmy: ['you' because true and we're drunk so we can answer a question 'I keep saying I don't want you to go anywhere' because he literally said it on the school trip in those words when they were doing an activity and having a little domestic and god knows how many times we've either said it or tried to make it clear since] Janis: ['me...' which we ALMOST phrase as a question, such is our disbelief/how much we've been caught off guard by that despite how obvious it is to us all but it's okay catch up gal 'and I keep saying you can have me' because we have and we mean it] Jimmy: ['you say it but then you- look and gesture towards the door like you were literally trying to leave and you know we're thinking about when she properly left] Janis: ['I never wanna stay if you want me to leave' a pause like I know that doesn't sound like it makes sense now you've said that but 'because I wanna be with you a lot...like all the fucking time and-'] Jimmy: ['I don't want either of us to leave' the tea and also how sad and soft his voice would be about that because we think it's looming over us 'if I had any fucking choice, I'd pick this, just give me the same back'] Janis: [kissing him hard, but not JUST kissing him like we usually would when we can't say what we want/don't know what to say 'okay' just as sad but serious like this ain't no game 'I'm scared but okay'] Jimmy: [holding her but not JUST how he would when he doesn't want her to go 'it's alright, when you're about, I'm not' like you can be scared gal cos I feel safe with you and it's the only time I ever do so I've got this] Janis: ['that's why I am' from deep inside this hug like we barely saying it but we are] Jimmy: ['bit of pressure, I get it' because we know we're saying there that everything else is shit and you're the only good thing keeping us going and that's a lot] Janis: [shaking our head 'I mean-' big sigh 'cos even if we're drunk it's a lot to say '-the more amazing it is now, the more there's going to be to miss'] Jimmy: ['there were loads to miss ages ago' because lbr the moment you started this you were in too deep and deeper than you've been with anyone else 'it weren't like owt else I've felt kissing any other lass soon as we had that first go at it' drunkenly spilling that tea] Janis: ['Ive never felt anything before' 'cos likewise] Jimmy: ['alright, no need to one up me that hard' cos you don't believe that's even possible lowkey when she clearly feels so much with you] Janis: [soft nudge 'I can't help the truth'] Jimmy: [one back obvs 'as competitions go, not fuming to lose this one'] Janis: ['I have kissed other people' like don't think he thought you were saying that but okay] Jimmy: [a sound like yeah obvs/no shit because we weren't thinking that 'but they were shitter at it than whatever review of me you're gonna @ my ex for, I get it' because not letting go that she brought that up but we're not mad about it still just amused] Janis: ['must be' shrugs 'knock to the ego can't hurt' not gonna go drunk text him the shade though tah 'was not, I was just asking a question' like stop it but we're not mad really] Jimmy: ['I don't care about how them dickheads feel, her included, just you'] Janis: [smile 'I can get behind that'] Jimmy: [smile back 😍] Janis: ['you're the cutest person I've ever seen' and putting our fingers in his dimples like oop] Jimmy: [a lil lol which we can't help even as we shake our head because no gal you are 'need to look in the mirror more, you'] Jimmy: [lowkey trying to drag her to where the nearest mirror is like is that even this room or are you trying to go to the bathroom? boy shh] Janis: [don't actually wake this bub you're lowkey too drunk to deal with him boy, 'cos we're so amused and playfighting him as silently as we can like noooo 'you you you'] Jimmy: [thank god we made him deaf because Libi would 1000% be awake by now lol, just drunkenly taking so many pictures of her face and so many weird close ups as we playfight and showing her them all like no look it's you] Janis: [just a fight to delete them as if 1. you look bad in any really 2. he's just gonna post them all rn] Jimmy: [we know you just wanna fight so he can pin you again for that saucy throwback] Janis: [obvs, we do not need to deny] Jimmy: [we'll let you have that moment and ensuing hook up during which you can call her baby in a way that is not at all a pisstake for the first time because we're drunk and feelsy enough for this] Janis: [just die bye, safe to say you won't be trying to go anywhere after that] Jimmy: [you gotta snuggle and snooze and be happy]

[thedoctor1002]

Idk, I never posted one of my fics here but guess I'll try ~

Also, English is not my first language so feel free to correct me QwQ

Fandom: Psycho-Pass -season 1- (is this still a thing?)

Characters: Kogami Shinya, Sasayama Mitsuru, OC

Prompt (it was in Italian, so I'll translate): write a story using three among these words: cloud, dusk, thunderstorm, storm, hull, bay, shelter, sail, night

Title: Log date: 2110/02/28 (Friday) 22:04

---

The lights of the bay flicker dynamically before your eyes.

They dance hypnotically, of the same cyan colour of your office’s walls, but with a whole different beat. They drink the red and white trails from the traffic, they shatter and multiply in the tears of an inclement rain. I know how much you hate it, you just can’t stand going on recon with an umbrella. On the other hand, I love it.

Rain brings us close together under the waterproof cloth and I manage to observe details that neon lights often hide from me: the precise way you part your hair, the last few drops of the jasmine perfume on your jacket, your long lashes. Shion thinks they’re fake. We always fight over it, can you believe me?

After all, you’ve never been the kind of woman to wear such frills. 

A notification arrives, the acid light of your impalpable PC breaks through the sacred dark from where you pretend you don’t see me. It digs your silhouette and paints you like a ghost on the huge windows of the Public Safety Bureau.

Your jet-black hair lay on your back like varnish pouring over the white silk of your blouse.

“Pulling an all-nighter, Inspector Matou?” I ask casually, exposed. With you, after all, I always am: you’re the only one that can shush my shitty jokes.

But this time you laugh slightly: nothing more than a spike, a trembling breath that shakes your ribs and lips.

“The forecasts say that the storm won’t stop until tomorrow morning,” you tell me, sitting at your desk, “also, I’ve been delaying this paperwork through all week, it's about time I get it done. Might as well do some overtime and get rid of it, don’t you think?”

“You’re such a workaholic.” I label you, realizing how lucky I am being allowed to do it: Ginoza, that prude, would have never let it slide “You should leave some for the rest of the precinct: make 'em earn their wages.”

A tired smile crosses your face as you tap your fingers on the keyboard. It’s so clear you’re trying to avoid my glance.

You used to look for it.

You looked for my eyes at briefings, in that discrete way that eventually shocked everyone. You looked for them among alleys, as soon as you heard a gunshot or the chocked sound of a fight.

And when you found me, it felt like a 7 miles free fall.

“How are the legs going?” I dare to ask. I see the hollow structure of your new shins below the hem of your pencil skirt. They swing a bit underneath the glass of your desk. You didn’t lose your damn tic, your right heel shakes like the needle of a sewing machine even when you seem calm.

You shrug and drink the bottom of an already empty glass of water.

I shouldn’t have asked. It breaks my heart, to see you like this.

You don’t give me an answer and massage the back of your knee with a sigh. Lately, I feel like you’re avoiding me.

You’re turning back into the one you were before: uncompromising, cold and distant. I wonder if the bunch of ingrates downstairs have been calling you Dobermann again. I wonder if you’re still as relentless.

You worry me: your stress level is getting darker and darker. You don’t want old Kasei to take issues with you, not again.

I can imagine how you must have felt, the night when this mess happened.

You most likely got pissed, if I do know you.

I mean, did they really think I got away on my own? I bet you never doubted me: no one knows an Enforcer better than its Inspector.

“Runaway?! Have you lost your minds?” Sasayama?!”

Those were the first words you said when they rescued you. You spoke them way before cleansing your lungs from the rotten water of the river, way before asking Masaoka if you’d have ever got back to feeling your lower legs. They hurt like hell and you had to pull them around like sandbags.

“They got him” you panted, holding tight on your mentor’s coat “They took him away, I tell you!” The one that kidnapped him wasn’t a latent criminal. The Dominator didn’t activate, not even when they shot me. Please, believe me. Check on the log files, please.”

Crime coefficient: 0.

I know that bug still haunts you.

Cause, after all, it’s can’t be anything else: who on earth is that Makishima to fly under the Sibyl Sistem’s radar? Who can fool a network that knows your crimes before you do? And how is it possible that the silhouette that kneecapped you and threw you into a river could possibly be innocent?

You haven’t lost your mind, Inspector: the Dominator betrayed me, too.

Don’t think I don’t know how pitiful must have been, the next three days.

Makishima isn’t real. Forget it, it was just a delirium. You were in shock.

It was the trauma, dear. It was a breakdown. It was burnout syndrome.

You’d use some holiday, darling. Take a week. Take two. Go somewhere far, no, better: just stay at home. Go to therapy. Keep yourself busy, don’t think about it. Work. Also, don’t work: it wears you out!

They put you back on your feet in less than six hours, but nobody allowed you to join search parties. Heaven forbid your stress level getting any darker. Heaven forbid that yet another good Inspector gets demoted among those damn Enforcers. But, still, in the whole IT section, there wasn’t a single nerd that could get that night's logs. That's one funny thing, ain't it?

Woman, sometimes I wish your damn head wasn't that hard. I wish you didn't follow the Forensics to get a lift, so soon after the deed.

At least, you could have listened to Kogami. Shit, didn't you see how pale he was? You didn't even need the Dominator to read him, his stress level was mindblowing!

You should have believed him when he told you you didn't want to enter that alley. First off, it was already full of other detectives and analysts. I have no idea what kind of business you had to do in there. Second thing second, Kogami has an eye for certain matters. Do you think he didn't notice I’ve always been all over you? Not gonna lie, maybe I told him about you, once or twice.

But no, of course, you had to get in.

The software that taught you how to walk on those carbon stilts made you stand your ground and bark a "For fuck's sake, Shinya, move!" worthy of the Dobermann’s reputation. Even those who hadn't been called out made way.

But your new legs didn't hold you, when you saw what they had made of my corpse.

I'm sorry, Katsumi, I never wanted to upset you like that. 

You know how much I would have rather have a more heroic death. I don't know, like, in the middle of a shooting, saving the day. It would have been much classier, less tacky, less trash. I think I deserved it, that's all.

You stop typing and rub your temples. You shelter what’s left of your lipstick behind your hand. I wish I could kiss it off, instead of watching you consume it in a ruby red halo in the notch between your thumb and your index.

You lift your eyes only for Kogami, who’s passing by your office like a nurse in its night shift.

“So?” he asks in a whisper, putting more care in that question than I could have ever done. More than anybody could have ever done, because he’s the only one that gets you, right now. You two seem like the only ones who lost something.

You shake your head slowly, staring at the monitor and the dangerously high Crime Coefficient on the display.

“It's not working” you wail softly, misty-eyed. I can’t believe it, is it still you?

“They’re gonna kick me out anyway, if it doesn’t lower quickly” you continue, with that realism of yours. I used to call you a jinx for that but, at the end of the day, you always got our backs. “It’s for the best if I just resign. I’m gonna keep what's left of my dignity, at least.” 

The dark profile of my best friend looks through me, as he sits on the armchair next to mine. He would like to say something, a word of encouragement maybe, we all know it in this damn room, but numbers shut our mouths. 

“You could become an Enforcer” he proposes.

Goddammit, Shinya, did we work with the same person? Katsumi as an Enforcer?

And there you go, shaking your head. You hold your face in your hands and let your raven hair hide your visage. 

“Can you imagine me, following orders? I do know how to work, I can do it better than three-quarters of our colleagues and I’ve never had problems remarking it. They’d eat me alive if they had the chance. Dogs celebrate on the corpses of lions.”

“But lions remain lions and dogs stay dogs.” Kogami finishes, stealing my lines. 

I notice the slight trembling of your finger, as you tap your touchpad to send that last confirm.

In a few moments, the system will have your resignation registered. Your profile won’t unlock your Dominator anymore and in a few days time, just enough for you to collect your belongings, you won’t even manage to enter the office.

Who’s gonna explain to old Kasei that there's more of your stuff here than in your apartment?

I’d ask you what do you plan on doing with your life, but tonight’s decision seems definitely brave enough to call it a day.

I look at the tabs you open in your browser, they mirror in the windows behind you.

Air travel.

Argentina, Cuba, States, New Zealand, Germany, Kenya. You go around the world in 80 seconds flat, you multiply your chances and spread them all through the air in front of you, in a complex diagram that doesn’t lead anywhere.

I never wanted to take you away from your home, you don’t deserve this. 

You cover your eyes with a hand and use the other one to pick a random selection from your atlas.

Greece.

“Well, at least it’s on the sea.” you wrap up, condensing in a handful of words the only satisfaction you can find in starting a brand new life.

You two stare at the transparent screenshot of your flight, the countdown on the web page seems way too joyful.

“It’s so exciting, Katsumi Matou! Check-in your luggage. Your journey will begin in: 06 days: 17 hours: 34 minutes: 21 seconds”

20.

19.

18.

Seconds pass by, in complete silence.

“Do you think it would be a burden to him?” you ask Shinya, “Do you think he’d understand?”

Who would have guessed that a cynic one like yourself could believe in the afterlife? I wish I were here to ask you. I wish we could have spoken about life, death, sex, about things long gone and things yet to be.

His hand squeezes yours gently, as he looks at you in the eye, hoping to stop the train to Paranoidland from setting off.

“It’s not your fault” he reassures you as he can: the both of you wouldn’t make the average person’s empathy.

But he’s right, though, it really isn’t: I know you’ve done anything you could. It’s always been like that.

“Maybe I owe him” you draft “Even if they don’t believe in Makishima, maybe one day I could have proved he exists.”

The teal of your Psycho-Pass would suit you wonderfully, if it wasn’t a description of your mental health.

What could you possibly do in these conditions? You’d have ended up in a cubicle, filing loss and theft reports. You would have never made it to the dossiers, surely not to those of such a controversial case. Making you end up in a study room would have been my final bullshit. I’m happy with your choice, really. I would have loved visiting Europe someday.

“Don’t talk nonsense.” Kogami rebukes you, externalizing what I’ve been thinking all along: “I’m going to look out for your man: your team has already given way too much. I’m gonna find him, Matou, cold case or not.”

You nod, but it’s clear you don’t believe him. I can read through you, you’re a terrible liar.

I don’t think you don’t trust him, most likely you’ve done the math and figured that working on an independent case is far too difficult for an Inspector, let alone for an Enforcer.

And there it is, my fall. After an exhausting chase, you finally look into my eyes, even though -according to Shinya- you’re most likely staring at the void.

Despite being used to such races, believe me, I’ve missed you.

“I’m just so sorry.” you finally whisper, giving me a bitter smile. 

Try and stop me, Ginoza, tell me once again how inappropriate it is: I don’t mind anymore. I get up and I don’t hesitate while holding you and leaving a kiss on your hair, shamelessly.

“I’m going to grab some coffee” I announce, walking backwards to the door like a shrimp, just to look at my dearest friends a bit longer. “I’d get you one, but I’m short on coins. Maybe next time.”

“See you, Inspector.”, Kogami greets you, leaving alongside me.

“Be good.” you wave back, as we were all to meet again tomorrow.

Walking through the dark alley, I can hear an excerpt from our last conversation through the opaque glass of your office.

“You’re jerk, Sasayama!”

I can hear you laughing out loud, through the crackly recording. You laughed at my gall, with that warm, strong, sweet voice of yours, mocking me. Admit it: mine, after all, were the only compliments that could make you blush.

It’s incredible how we managed to joke even inside a car that was taking us on a crime scene. To an external eye, we might have looked disrespectful. Truth is I’ve always feared death so much I just had to laugh at the reaper.

“Oh, come on, what would it take? Come with me to the Precinct’s New Year’s dinner, the 17th is around the corner!” I kept annoying you, as you were too busy driving to mind my dumb flirt attempts. I still can’t get how we never had an accident. “Be good, Katsumi, give me a joy to live for!”

“You could always ask Shion, you know? You always give her more attention, after all.”

I hear the subtle sound of the wheels stopping, the parking brake cracking and it’s like Ogishima’s outskirts appear before my eyes, in that same January night. That place gave me goosebumps, but I would have hated if you understood it.

“Here we are” you announced, with still a bit of resentment in your voice. You unlocked the passenger’s door and I remember I left your Dominator in the car’s trunk: I didn’t want you to follow me. Not that time.

“You scare me when you pay so much attention” you commented, noticing how serious I got “will you tell me why are you insisting so much to keep on searching? Kogami got the guy. Tomorrow we go, we arrest him and it's thank you, next.”

My answer has been recorded as a distant and muffled noise, but I still can trace it: “He’s not the one, I tell you. I have another suspect, but I need a more solid base. And you’re staying, Inspector.”

“Staying?! You’ve gone crazy!” you laughed, locking the corporate sedan behind you “If something were to happen to you, or worse if you didn’t come back, Kasei would…”

“I said you’re staying: it’s dangerous.”

“Sasayama, our work is dangerous,” you replied, contemptuous, understanding that clearly among the gear I brought I didn’t count yours and going back to the car to get it “One more risk won’t make a difference: if I have to drop dead, it can either be here, at home or god knows where.”

“Will you join me for the precinct’s dinner, though?”

And here is a sequence that the voice recorder surely can’t have grasped, but that I could remember even in a thousand years. You cast an outraged glance over me from above the trunk’s door, panting through a half-smile. You shook your head, tucking your hair behind your ear. And finally, after refusing my invitations since 17th November, during lunch break, you smiled shrugging.

“Deal, come on, just make way” you sighed, as your heels echoed on the wet concrete “Still, you’re a jerk.”

“I recorded it: you have no excu-”

The audio file interrupts.

End of recording.

[thedyingmoon]

🖤 I See My Future Before Me 🖤

~ A V X Reader set in an Alternate Universe wherein ugly feet are a big deal (?!) 🤔

~ "Too Much Fluff Can Kill You" Volume 2. 😂

~ Tagging my friends, @heaven-on-a-landslide , @krazy06 , @diabeticsugarush , @ehrzeth , @ceruleanworld , @lessy86 , @simmy-ships , @boundbysoul , and @gxthghoulfriend . 🖤

~ Once again helped by my special anonymous adviser who stayed up late with me! And it's all worth it! I hope you like this. ❤

~ Just an important piece of instruction: Please watch the video below before proceeding to the next paragraph. 🖤

~ LET'S DO THIS! 🖤

***

XIV

***

Dante stood in the lobby as he read the latest issue of his favorite magazine.

Already in his best formal attire, the man unceremoniously waited for you. The gig this time required the two of you to infiltrate a party to rat a certain Demon out, and at the mere thought of you in a dress had him intrigued.

Of course, he found you quite fetching. But, the clothes you wore on a daily basis? With your fondness for loose, oversized, and unflattering pieces of clothing, he honestly thought that you got nothing compared to either Trish or Lady, who were two of the most beautiful, if not lethal, women he had ever seen.

Yes, he thought that all the beauty you got were wasted on your conservative tastes,...

"Are we gonna go, or what?" Dante, who failed to notice you as you came down from your room, heard you loud and clear and turned.

"Hey, what took you - ?"

The man stopped dead in his tracks, for there, right before his very eyes, was,...

You raised an eyebrow and placed your hands on your hips. "Are you gonna stare at me the whole evening? We still have a job to do."

"The lady is right." Morrison, who just entered the building, said. And when he saw you, his eyes widened in complete awe. "And surprise of all mother of surprises. You look like the most gorgeous star in the galaxy, my dear."

"Thank you, Mr. Morrison." You said, taking the Broker's hand and letting him lead you outside towards his car.

"Your partner seems to be tongue tied."

"Yeah, he's busy with that magazine of his."

You carefully entered the vehicle as Morrison opened the door for you. A few moments later, Dante followed.

The ride towards your destination was a really quiet one. You would occasionally look at the front at Morrison as he drove but, most of the time, your eyes were just glued to the window beside you. Despite that, you could not shake the feeling of heaviness in your body. It's as if you have been the subject of someone's intense stares for far too long.

Still, you smiled, not letting yourself be tempted to indulge your silent companion.

Your resistance persisted until you two reached the place.

And Dante could not hold it in any longer.

"Hey," he began, isolating you from the other guests by leading you to an empty hallway. "You've been keeping things from me."

"Wha - ?" You started to argue but, then, realized he was right. "Well, yes."

"What else can you do?" Dante demanded, your overwhelming scent of a very addictive vintage wine assaulting his nostrils and driving his patience to the limit. "Witchcraft? Sorcery? Voodoo?"

You only chuckled at his question. "They're the same thing."

The man grabbed your shoulders and made you look up at him, his light - colored eyes more intense than ever before. "Tell. Me."

Unfazed, you only smiled up at him, grabbed his huge hands, and removed them gingerly off you. You then took one of his hands and led him back towards the living area where the party was taking place.

"What are you doing?"

"See that lady?" You whispered to him in a lover - like fashion so as not to make yourself obvious that you're plotting something dangerous. "That's your target."

"How did you even - ?!"

"Sshh! Don't ask. Okay?"

Dante looked at the said female, who happened to be the host of the party.

"So, in two minutes, she will come our way, introduce herself to you, and start flirting with you. You will flirt with her for, like, five minutes."

The man looked at you suspiciously. "Why did I suddenly feel nervous about this?"

"Oh, you'll be fine. Anyway, her lover will come out of hiding. You will kill him."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Who said anything about killing an innocent man?!"

"And," you went on, ignoring Dante's complaint. "... you will use the Rebellion and drive it through his skull, then she will attack you. You will use the Ebony and Ivory against her. And, guess what, all the guests in here? They're all Demons. You will finish them in, like, ten minutes, tops. Then, you will join me in the balcony and wipe Demon blood off your face."

"And why am I supposed to believe you?"

"Because your two minutes is up and she's coming towards us."

And surely enough, with hips swaying seductively and eyelids fluttering like butterfly wings, the gracefully tall and slender host of the party was coming towards the legendary Devil Hunter. Dante looked back at you and realized you weren't there any more.

Approximately fifteen minutes later, the man, who was covered in Demon guts and chandelier glitter, came out to join you on the balcony. He wiped the Demon blood off his face and leaned against the railing beside you.

"You didn't even help me." Dante told you wih a huge sigh. "And we're supposed to be partners."

"Convinced?"

"Whatever."

"Hey, at least you got to flirt with her, right?" You cheerfully answered.

Dante looked at you with every intention of giving you a piece of his mind but, you were already walking away from him.

"Hey!"

You turned back, winked at him, and held up a finger to your lips.

"Sshh,..."

***

You and V hustled towards the empty building, sheltering yourselves due to the very sudden and heavy rainfall.

Once inside, V heard you grunt in dismay and as he turned to look at you, he saw you as you put your black violin case down on the cold floor and strip off your wet parka, revealing your simple white dress underneath.

Now, V may have no idea, whatsoever, what you'll need the violin for during the Demon hunt, but he was definitely flabbergasted as to your taste in clothing. It's as if you were not going on a Demon hunt, at all.

You felt a pair of eyes boring down on you as you picked up your violin case, and when you looked up, you ultimately saw him staring at you.

Then, there was that feeling again - of your cheeks burning, of your heartbeat going wild, of your knees getting weak and wobbly.

It's as if the man's mere gaze put your mind in a trance, and your senses into a total discord.

You shyly looked away, trying to escape his longing look, until you finally noticed where you really were.

"Hey, this is a dance studio!" You exclaimed breathlessly as you ran towards one of the doors that led to a huge rehearsal room. You entered it and took in the achingly familiar atmosphere of the place, from its floor, the huge glass windows, to the mirrored walls.

The exact moment when V entered the room after you, Griffon materialized and flew towards you.

"Where did ya just take us to?" The bird irritatingly questioned. "It's too damn creepy in here!"

"Why? You afraid of mirrors?"

The bird squawked and flew towards one of the abandoned chairs, perching and settling himself comfortably.

You ignored the Demon and went towards the window, seeing the angry outpour outside and the eventual streak of lightning from the sky, followed by the loud boom of the thunder.

"It seems that we have become stranded here for a while." You heard V's low voice as you sensed him walking closer towards you.

You simply nodded, still unable to look the man in the eye. "I hope it stops soon."

"I wish for the opposite."

The very noticeable purr in the man's voice made your heart do flips. You turned around, and as another streak of lightning painted the sky, you saw the unmistakable mischief in those eyes and grin of his.

Suddenly feeling both nervous and giddy, you hastily walked towards one of the chairs near Griffon, sat, and removed your boots.

"Okay, these are getting heavy as hell!" You said, unintentionally making your voice loud due to your nerves. "I'm taking these off!"

"Ew!" Griffon exclaimed as soon as your feet came into view. "Did ya step on a fuckin' corpse or are those yer actual feet, eh sweet pea?!"

You narrowed your eyes at the demonic bird, who started laughing at your pitiful, scarred little feet.

"Hahaha! Ah, haha, eh, well, no offense, sweet pea. Just sayin' the truth."

"Beauty cannot be comprehended by small minds, my Demonic friend." V, who, of course, followed you, fortunately came to your rescue.

You gave Griffon a triumphantly evil grin as you placed your wet boots under the table. "I'm a dancer. It would make perfect sense for me to have ugly feet." You looked up at V and spoke with him instead of the bird who got grumpy. "I got these scars from years of dedicated dancing."

"Hmm,..." V mused as he sat on a chair beside you. "Those scars,... symbolize the true enjoyment and will that you felt doing that special something you adore." He uttered, then leaned closer towards you. With a soft whisper, he said, "Those feet, my Lady,... I would kiss,... over,... and over again,... if I could,... "

Thump!

"Shoes! Shoes! The floor is cold! I need shoes!" You literally yelled, feeling your traitorous heart triple in heartbeat. With hot cheeks and trembling limbs, you hastily stood up and roamed aimlessly all over the room in search of those shoes you mentioned. As lame as you might have looked then, you knew what's truly going on between you and the poet, you just could not handle your own chaotic feelings. And now, you must have looked like a total mess right before him.

"Yeah, no shit, Shirley!" Griffon sarcastically whispered at V. "Ain't that right, V? I mean, if ya like her, just tell her already! Dangit! Fuckin' stop beatin' 'round the fuckin' bushes! Look at her, ya broke the thing!"

Surely enough, V saw you wandering around the room, muttering something uncomprehensible under your breath.

Taking pity on you and feeling guilty at himself for making you uncomfortable, he stood up and walked to where you were.

You felt the man as he neared you and instinctively halted your silly, panic mumblings. You cleared your throat, bravely faced him, and saw the worried look in those deep green eyes of his.

"Well, I do not exactly enjoy it. Dancing, I mean." You told the man, making yourself as calm as you could. "It was more like a,... survival kind of thing."

"Survival, you say?" V answered, instantly feeling intrigued. How would one consider dancing as survival? But, of course, he had no idea what you've been through as a child. "Can you, please, explain?"

You slightly got nervous, feeling as if you revealed more than what was necessary. You were only talking about your ugly feet, damnit! No need to drag the man further into your own, dark past.

Once again, you looked around for something, anything, that could save you from your blunder. And there, right on the corner, you saw, as the lightning lit up the dark sky, a pair of forgotten ballet shoes. You looked at the thing with much intent, then back at your male companion.

"Shall I just show you how they made us dance, instead?" You offered. Well, since you'd be moving a lot from now on, you might as well have a sort of a warm up.

And what a perfect way to do that than that accursed piece those pale people made you dance for six whole years.

On the other hand, V felt concerned about you. You considered dance as survival, and yet, here you were, offering to open up what must've been a deep wound from the past.

Then, he had an idea.

"If dancing felt like a challenge to you," he said, suddenly offering up a hand. " ... then, would you allow this fool to ease the burden and join you for this dance?"

Thump! Thump!

Went your heartbeat once more. But, this time, escaping and saving your shy self would not do you any good. So, instead, you took a deep breath, nodded, and looked up at him with much resolve. You took his hand and began with the simplest of steps.

Well! The man surely had instruction! He was sensitive enough to know when you'll turn, when you must be lifted, and when you'll change positions. Not to mention his graceful movements! Where the hell did he learn ballet?!

Meanwhile, V only had to thank the endless dance lessons he took when he was only a boy! And not only that, he also had to actually thank his stupid twin for skipping them, for, if not, he would never have received more difficult extra lessons that involved doing a pas des deux ! And who knew it will become useful in the future?!

For a while, it seemed as though nothing could disrupt the little, yet warm environment that engulfed the two of you. Not even the bleak weather. Even the foul - mouthed Demon perched on the chair close by dared not utter any piercing word.

Everything seemed at peace, the steps you made, perfect. The lightning streaked the sky once more, splashing very little light into the cold, studio. You made another pirouette, longing to end the little dance with flourish, until the loud bang of the thunder came booming down, startling you and making you stumble on your feet. V thankfully caught you just in time before you fall.

"(Y/N),..."

"I'm fine, thank you." You reassured the man, at the same time getting back up on your feet with his help. "You know, my body's condition was not how it used to be compared to when I was a bit younger."

The man smiled gently at you as he took your hands once more, pulling you closer. "Age matters not, as long as you enjoy dancing."

You sheepishly smiled back at him. "Now that you mentioned it, yes. I enjoyed this dance."

The man may not have chosen to mention it to you but, he definitely enjoyed the little performance with you. Much more so than you did. For you were there with him, smiling, and forgetting the chaos of this world.

For at least a few minutes, it felt intimate for V.

However, he saw the smile on your face slowly vanish as you let go of his hands. The man looked at you in confusion, then you told him, "There is, was, only one person in the world who could outdance me in the past."

The man's face fell, seeing the sadness that was creeping up on those (E/C) eyes he had come to adore.

With glistening eyes, you simply uttered, "My sister."

"I'm so sorry." V whispered achingly at you. "It must be,... "

"She was," you went on, managing a smile despite the hurt that suddenly made its way onto your chest at the reminder of your lost, beloved sibling. " ... how to put this? She was perfect in every way. She was the most beautiful girl in the world, and everybody adored her. She,... died,... to save me, V."

V looked away from her. He had,... someone,... very special whom he lost a very long time ago. Hearing you tell your own tale regarding the person you lost brought back those hurtful memories of the one he loved above all else,...

... her,...

He took a deep breath and faced you once more, not wanting you to worry about him.

"What matters is that you still have precious people around you, my Lady." He said, his voice hoarse and raw with untold emotions and unshed tears. "You must focus on not losing them, as well."

You smiled at him, aware of the melancholic feeling you had evoked in the already cold and lonely atmosphere. You took both his hands and guided him to sit on the floor.

Confused, V glanced at you as you positioned yourself in the middle of the empty dance floor. Griffon noticed this change and flew towards his master, settling himself right beside him.

"V," you began. "... let me tell you the story of a man who regrets the loss of a loved one and the woman who loves him the most. The love of his life. Whom he could no longer be with."

You took a deep breath and began a slow movement that gradually turned into a series of steps that seemed to tell a story, like what you mentioned.

undefined

Every turn, every gesture, every sweet and graceful hand movement told V some numerous, little words forming into silent sentences that seemed to whisper directly at his heart. The steps to the very raw yet beautiful dance you performed honestly moved him, feeling a different kind of an ache within his own heart. The steps turned more radiant as it came to the heart of the story,...

... of a very graceful woman,...

... and the man,...

... who was foolish enough to let her go.

And when you finished, he was both speechless and mesmerized. You looked at him with concern, confused by his uncharacteristic silence.

That was when you saw it,...

... genuine tears falling down his face.

"Ah!" You stuttered, not knowing what to do upon the realization that you just made V cry. "I'm so sorry! I would never do this again! I - "

You were immediately silenced as V stood and gave you a hug so tight, yet so gentle, that you felt that he did not want to let go of you.

Like he did not want to ever lose you.

THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!

You knew he was still crying, so you took the initiative to wrap your arms around him and pull him closer.

"Hey, it's okay." You gently whispered at him, calming him down with your caress. "I'll never leave you. I promise."

And just when things were getting more and more cozy between the two of you, Griffon, who seemed to get touched by your performance, as well, flew towards you with large, melancholic eyes. How strange for a brazen creature such as him!

"Hey, do ya know any more stories that won't make ya cry?" The bird asked in a sad and weird tone.

"Okay! Let's see,... "

V smiled as he let go of you, wanting to hear what you were about to say. He just could not help but become excited for your story.

"There was a warrior who was protected by three Goddesses." You began. "However, he mysteriously vanished, making the Goddesses scatter all over the world in search of a temporary vessel until he returns. They found her and dwelled within her for a hundred years.

"Then, one day, he returned and two of his Goddesses returned to him. Aside from the last one who got attached to the woman. But, to gain complete power, the man must have all three with him. So, he took the third Goddess from the woman by force."

"What happened?!"

"Ah,... she died."

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHITTY STORY?!"

You became nervous as cold sweat trickled down your forehead. "I made it up,... "

"WHAT IN THE FUCKIN' - ?!"

"Hush, you Demon,..." V chuckled as he watched the two of you argue,...

But, the fun and peace of mind you had didn't last long,...

For, only after a few hours, Griffon, who was rendered useless by the Diabolical Amalgam, was screaming your name as you made your way towards the frightening creature, unarmed, wounded, vulnerable, and above all, stripped naked.

"SWEET PEA!" Griffon pleaded as he tried once more to attack, only to fail yet again. "YOU WILL FUCKIN' DIE! STOP!"

But you only looked back at him, winked, and held up a slender finger to your bloody lips.

"Sshh,..."

***

🖤🖤🖤

Note: That's Simone Cameresi for you! A very graceful dancer. I imagine her as the Reader in that very sweet and heartfelt moment as she danced for V. So, I hope you followed my instruction and watched her before reading the next paragraph. 🖤

Another Note: The title of the song is Turning Page by Sleeping At Last. 🖤

P.S.: In ballet, a pas de deux is a dance duet in which two dancers, typically a male and a female, perform ballet steps together. The pas de deux is characteristic of classical ballet and can be found in many well - known ballets, including Sleeping Beauty, Swan Lake, and Giselle. Yeah, the more you know. 🖤

🖤🖤🖤

[gothgleek]

I Need a Drink (Whiskey Ain't My Thing): Skam (Austin) fic

aka The Worst Possible Outcome Told in Two different points of View

A Shay x Meg fic

Cross posted on my AO3

Grace looks like a total loser twiddling her thumbs in the corner. It’s a typical party with the same music and dancing as the last few parties the girl squad has attended a Kelsey’s insistence. A part of Grace wishes Kelsey was this insistent about their dance routines. She joined the team to dance, not get caught up in drama and popularity contests. She missed dancing for real. She hadn’t danced since leaving Dallas and her bones were craving to be moved.

Even though she arrived with the girl squad, the girls were quick to disperse into their own niches. Kelsey was chatting with the Kittens on the staircase, Jo and Zoya had started a dance circle where Zoya was having a dance off as Jo cheered for her queen, and Meg was on the phone with her mom. That left Grace to drink water in a corner by herself.

‘Spoke too soon,’ thought Grace as Donald approached her. Grace walked away from him but he walked faster and stopped in front of her.

“Excuse me,” Grace said avoiding eye contact. She walked to her right but he stepped in front of her. When she moved to her left he did the same. “How about you go left and I go right?” Grace asked sarcastically.

“How about we talk?”

“Hmm… No.” Grace turned around and went into the mob of people on the dance floor. She found Zoya and hugged her. Jo joined in the group hug and the three of them swayed and laughed on the dance floor. Grace laughed with her girls, twerked on the dance floor, unleashing some of her bottled up dance energy. Then her eyes caught the sight of Donald.

She yelled the music, “I’m gonna go get Kelsey and Meg.” Jo nodded in acknowledgment.

“You can’t keep ignoring me you know.” Donald said once he caught up to her off the dance floor.

“Actually I will,” Grace turns toward the exit in hopes Meg is still out there. But Donald grabs her arm to pull her back.

“Come on I’ve been a good boy. Don’t you think that wins me at least a conversation with you?”

“Being a decent person is a reward all by itself. Also I know you’re only doing it to get my attention.”

“That’s true,” Donald said with a little nod. “But I really just wanna talk.”

“Well I don’t,” Grace pulled her arm out of his grasp and walked outside. She circled around the house for a bit calling out for Meg. Grace finally went back inside, hoping to at least find Kelsey.

Once she opened the front door Grace was greeted to the sight of Meg and Shay kissing. Grace’s eyes widened and she blinked in surprise. This is not how Grace thought the two would work things out. Last she checked, Meg was ‘tragically heterosexual’. Clearly Meg lied to her judging by this display.

However past the two’s public display was Donald who raised his phone, waving in Grace’s direction. Her phone vibrated and no sooner than when Grace picked it up, Shay shoved Meg away. The long haired girl pushed past the crowd and stormed outside. Grace tucked her phone back into her back pocket and rushed over to Meg. Once she reached the shorter girl she smelled the alcohol from her breath. Grace sighed disappointedly. Now things would be worse between the two of them. Both of Grace’s foster siblings were gay and from their stories, drunken hookups with straight people only lead to heartbreak.

“Where did Shay go?” Meg asked a little tiredly and a little sadly. The group had started to disperse with a few straggles waiting to see if another lesbian kiss would happen.

“She went out for a walk, how about I take you to the bathroom huh?” A part of Grace wanted to yell at Meg for being drunk enough to play with Shay’s feelings. For giving the girl the illusion of hope. Another part of Grace wanted to yell at Meg for using Shay’s crush as a way to gain popularity points. To entice the male audience and nearly exposing Shay to the whole school. But Grace knew Meg didn’t deserve to be yelled at. At least not until she was sober.

“I’m good, I don’t need it.”

“How about a glass of water then? You’re thirsty right?”

Meg perked at the suggestion. “Yeah water would be great.”

Shay can taste the beer on her lips. It’s not the first thing she tastes however. The first thing she tastes is the cherry chapstick. Next is the warmth of one hand gently holding her face, a stark contrast with the other hand gripping Shay’s hip to bring her closer. Shay can also feel the heat radiating off her body and Shay leans in to warm herself. She never knew she was cold until now.

This is such a cliche, Shay thinks when she registers the taste. But it is not the first thing she thinks. Her thought process goes from ‘wow she’s really close’ to ‘warm and wet’ to ‘is that tongue?’. Once Shay finally registered what was happening she kissed back. When Meg slips in her tongue, it’s not as much as Shay expected. At least not as much as Shay was expecting when she was a witness to her and Marlon’s many makeout sessions. But the lack of tongue doesn’t exclude her enthusiasm. This would be perfect. Her crush finally forgave her for all the shit she pulled and was kissing her. Her hands tangled up in her hair and warm body grinding against hers for more intimacy. Meg’s dancing has been a subject of Shay’s fantasies and Shay can feel that all her dreams coming true.

Except.

Except Shay can taste the beer on Meg’s tongue and hear the shitty party music straight people called ‘good’ and the douchebag boys catcalling in the background. When Shay daydreams about kissing Meg it involves soft lighting on the soft pink sheets Shay bought from IKEA. Meg would be practicing her dance moves in front of Shay (the music either being ‘Curious’ song or ‘Pynk’ because Shay will admit she can be a stereotype) and sit down laughing next to Shay. Then as the song ends, the two of them will look into each other’s eyes and kiss each other gently, hesitant at first then full of passion. It’s very romcom but it’s Shay’s fantasy so no one can judge her.

She wishes she could pay attention to the kiss- the very thing she has wanted since seeing Meg dance for the first time- no matter how far it deviates from her fantasies. It’s what she’s always wanted and even though it’s not in the best circumstances she should enjoy it for now. She won’t get another chance like this again and she should just be grateful. It’s a fleeting moment and the two of them will regret it later. She just doesn’t want to regret it right now.

Shay opens her eyes, just a little bit so she can access the situation. (’wow, access the situation? This is a drunk girl experimenting, not a spy movie. Get it together bitch!’) This is nothing like Shay’s dreams, not anything close. The two audiences they have drawn in are the usual suspects- guys who jerk off to lesbian porn and the GCB who make the sign of the cross. The guy Meg cheated on Marlon with- Daniel? Ryan? Joe. All these white guys look and act the same it’s hard to keep track of which one is which- is not too far off watching appreciatively at the hot girl-on-girl action. His friends are hitting each other so the other boys can watch them as well. To Shay’s disgust, one guy adjusts his pants a little. She’s sure she’s ended up in his spank bank for life.

On the opposite spectrum is a group of people watching in horror at the display. Shay is happy none of them have broken up the kiss yet even if their glares and disgusted faces are almost enough for Shay to push Meg away. Shay knows they are being complete hypocrites so she tries not to take it to heart. She’s seen how much alcohol Ruth Duchannes drank and heard rumours about what she did at Bible Camp. However, one of the girls reminds Shay of her mother when she comes back with a bad grade and Shay is reminded of how her mother would react.

Among the good Christian bitches gaping at the two is Tyler. His reaction hurts more than the homophobic girls in her math class. He’s shaking his head because the two of them are familiar with how this will play- they’ve had more than enough experience. He knows about her feelings for Meg and Meg’s heterosexual lifestyle.Shay has indulged Tyler about so much about herself, she’s almost positive he knows her better than she does. And she knows about his past hookups, the ones with straight boys coming into the foreground of her memories. It’s both his pitying face and the knowledge of their shared history that almost snaps Shay out of the kiss. But what really is the last straw is that the girl Shay has been dreaming about is drunk enough to not be straight for a little bit. This has happened before and it was only a matter of time before Meg sobers up and realizes that Shay is not Joe or Bill or whatever hot boy all the straight girls are falling for. Then Meg will stop talking to her, either out of anger or embarrassment, and Shay will be left with nothing except heartbreak.

Again.

She’s done this before and while she knows it won’t be the last time, she can cut this one off before either one of them does something they’ll regret. With all the force in her tiny lesbian body, Shay pushes Meg off of her and walks away pushing past the crowd that formed around them. She might have knocked a drink onto someone and pushed Meg’s tall friend but Shay didn’t care. She was too angry. She walks down the street and angrily wiping the taste of cherry chapstick and shitty beer off her mouth. She crosses her arms in attempt to replace the warmth she pushed away.

[manyofnine]

One Day it will be alright

Sometimes i'm still emberassed to think about how little i cared when i was younger.

About how little i still care.

I had opportunities to learn stitching and weaving and violin and climbing and programming and so so so many more things that i simply did not see at the time.

There is something wrong in my head for i see most opportunities only when they wave me goodbye and i'm sitting there with my undying rage as if they were stolen from me, not simply let go.

I never learned about my mothers childhood. I never cared to learn about my fathers life. Nor about my grandmothers or my aunts or anyone's really. I know more about ppl i met an hour ago than about my family.

I had a million opportunities and i will have a million more. But i am so afraid of not recognizing the ones that are and might be, that i am frozen in place.

The only way i can bring myself to act is if i don't care. If i just stop caring if it's good, i will at least make something.

If i just stop caring if it goes over well, i can present anything. If i just stop caring what ppl think, i am capable of leaving the house.

I stop caring about ppls opinion, but their rejection still cuts deep. I stop caring about my assignments, but when i see my grades i want to cry in frustration. I stop caring about the environment and i bemoan my not having a purpose or goal.

I make grande plans on how to help, how to find a place in the world that is worth it, but really, i can't stop dreaming of my future house and my future upper management office and spending hours upon hours typing numbers in a machine while listening to poscasts of other ppl living life. And i want to come home to a clean house, a warm meal, a smiling child.

That is my dream life. Boring, i know.

The other dream life is Me, the anarchist, an activist with a goal, with power, with a daily routine so shredded that it doesn't matter if we break into city hall after dinner or go to a friends house to pirate some movies. The dream me has a motorcycle and a friend group that extends, has options and knowledge and political power.

But in contrast to myself, this dream version cares. "If i cared to i could live a better life" has never been so true as when applied to me. I simply don't have the energy to do it. Excuses upon excuses file in my head and every single one is shotty as F.

"I can barely get out of bed" then take your meds.

"I don't have the necessary connections" then make them, it ain't hard

"I missed my opportunity" it will come around again, don't sweat it

"I don't have anyone to cover my back" check again idiot there are more than enough ppl who would do so much for you

"But i... I am afraid that reality won't hold up" big deal dude. It's gonna be boring as fuck. Then intense for a bit and then boring again. But at least you won't regret it

"It's risky" not as if you had much to loose.

"What if my cause is a bad one" literally not possible, just do a bit of research beforehand

"But But But" - You don't want to. Because you feel comfortable in your victim role.

You know what to do. I feel bad, i feel lonely, everything is shit uwähh uwähh i am a crybaby that can't get over my shitty life because i don't care enough to do anything about it. That's what you sound like. Your followers are sick of your Personal Self Pitying and Deprecating Shit Parties.

Oh wow, you are angry. Big deal.

Then do something with that Anger.

Transform it into energy, make a doctor's appointment, get a job, write an application. Do something for God's sake. Anything.

Get your life in order. Close your fist around the control you so crave. Take back and wield it. Get you name changed, get your new official papers, get your hormone prescription, talk to your doctors, please just do anything. And if it is revising your study notes. Go to sleep on time, eat 3 times a day, listen to your friends for they love you.

Pray when you need to and be thankful for what you have. Punch the idiots that goad you, no better: learn how to punch and how to take one. Rearrange that pretty face of yours and break your nose. Get the tattoo you always wanted. The dragon can wait, you know we love the clock. Kiss the boy you have a crush on and tell the girl you like that you want a date.

Smile and learn how to dance and learn how to sow and if you really want to learn, i am sure we can find a cheap harp on ebay. Sell the things that are too much for you, but fucking answer the ppl when they show interest. You can be charming enough but you still need to care. Nobody thinks you are boring.

And as soon as you start caring about your life, you won't either. Come out as often as you want, but you won't be able to put glitter on your soul. Do what you need to.

Please. Just. Start caring for yourself.

And then, one day. One Day it will be alright.

[highvoltge]

LOL crying face, make me shake my head
They gon' (uh)
Step on me now placed on a pedestal they find me dead (that's fucked up)

Verse 1:
Yeah that water under the bridge, just use that shit as a charter
May my friendship be a channel for all the pain you can't harbor
It's hard for me to be happy
Wish my girl would just dump me
I done showed you all my ugly, but why the fuck you ain't judge me?
No, my skin ain't thick, it's thin, it probably bleed soon as you touch me
I love it if you hate me, I hate that you fucking love me
I've been up, then broke then up again, and still can't see the difference
That's the shit they won't speak about, like niggas killing niggas
Man my bro bro on the brink of being broke
He on the bridge without a rope
It hit my heart to see the world it ran him low
Plus he got a six month old and he can barely keep her fed
And gotta deal with baby mama hanging shit over his head
Man, I went and tell him "Fuck her bro, I know you ain't no sucker"
But I see it in his face, man, he hate that he fucking love her
Shit wild
Shit hit me deep, I'm like stomp me out if I stutter and say
I'd give my arm and my leg to get this out my head
Uh

[Chorus]
It's crazy, step on me now
Placed on a pedestal, they find me dead
Yeah, forever blunt tobacco guts sitting in my bed
You, could, could swim forever if you see these tears that I done shed

[Bridge]
I don't know why you shaking your head
Man, I swear, ooh, niggas ain't shit
Ehh, fuckboy, fuckboy tendencies

Verse 2:
Yo, yo, huh
I know your fight to be free
Locked in your mind, how surprisin' you think that silence is key
You ain't designed to be blind and lost in the night like you be
I know the hurt in your eyes, oh my, you remind me of me
And it's a lot we don't see
Gotta be tough 'cause acting tough all day
Shoulder shrugs then show the world you give no fucks all day
Plus got a story I could never show you
Scared if you open up, niggas just might have leverage on you
Uh, and I'm like "God, why you give your line
But you ain't been replying"?
I'm like "God, say you had my back
But nigga you been lying"
I'm like "God, it's gold I got inside
My shit just needs refining", uh
And yes, sometimes I need reminder
Remind me that I'm gonna be
Remind me that I'm gonna be straight
Remind me if my heart do break, remind me that it's gon' reshape
Remind me nigga stand your ground, remind me not to call Jhene
I helped her get up on her feet, for me to see her walk away, SMH, Fuck

[Bridge]
I don't know why you shaking your head
Man, I swear, niggas ain't shit
Fuck, yo he's doing some fuckboy shits
Fuckboy tendencies
You just some fuckboy

Verse 3:
Yo yo, shit, here we go
Every nigga's main is just another nigga's sideline
My hoes won't know I'm coming if this plane don't got WiFi
Why I'm over shit when I be under the influence
But wake up feeling bad, to know the home that I just ruined
Don't think that you booming and think you on because you 10 bags up
Too much pressure to be on social
(Shut your bitch ass up!)
Uh, back to this mission I carry out
We get wind that you tryna' diss then on God, we gon' air it out
The creator of feeling sorry, I'm dying to get 'em off me
Line up around the corner to get in your pity party
Pissed 'cause you picked me apart but don't ever pick me up
Ain't no gif or emoji depict how much I don't give a fuck
It really go
Please don't compare me to niggas not in my league
If I tricked on any bitch, know it's more I got up my sleeve
Ain't no dreams of being Mike, he can't do shit for me
I'm tryna be like G Weeder nigga, that's my big homie
Free him tho, uh
Trained to be in hell, niggas got derailed
I don't need a scale, everything for sale

[Chorus]
LOL and then I shake my head
Step on me now, placed on a pedestal, they find me dead

[Outro]
Uh, Oh, fuck man

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Ronnie

Ali: [The day of but later] Ali: I convinced that man not to press charges or anything, the one that got involved Ali: so you don't need to worry about that Ronnie: wasnt Ronnie: tell someone who is Ali: 'course Ali: talking isn't the most useful thing for me to do right now so I'll pass Ronnie: go be useful then little girl Ali: I'm sorry he brought you Ali: that's fucked up Ronnie: course you are Ronnie: youre all well sorry now like Ali: For you, not myself, or ourselves Ronnie: no shit pity works with the rest of your brothers and sisters Ronnie: youre fucked up Ali: How so? Ronnie: show and tells over Ali: I hope it made you feel better Ronnie: bullshit Ronnie: none of you give a fuck how I feel Ali: yeah I do Ronnie: wheres it been Ali: you're meant to wait for the kid to make the first move, that's rule #1 Ronnie: if you wanna play by the rules Ali: so I've lost points, that's fine Ali: you don't want us to care, right? Ronnie: the way your family is im almost old enough to be your ma Ronnie: bit fucking late yeah Ali: You do have a solid decade on her, yeah Ali: I'm a late bloomer, clearly Ronnie: ill leave it to her to be proud Ali: a big ask, but I'll survive without Ronnie: like I said Ronnie: fucked Ali: Yeah, a fair bit Ali: nothing to shout about, or that hasn't been now Ronnie: you wanted a first move Ali: It was a choice Ronnie: nah Ronnie: a reaction Ali: That too Ali: like I said, hope it was what you needed it to be? Ronnie: ask him Ali: you just did it for Joe? Ronnie: why else Ronnie: none of you mean shit to me Ali: but he does, yeah Ronnie: connect the dots Ronnie: I bothered to carve each one out Ali: I can tell he loves you Ali: do you love him Ronnie: hes that fucking soft Ali: you do Ali: alright, that's something Ronnie: fuck you youve known him all your life and you dont Ronnie: theres no telling me how I feel Ali: I don't know him or I don't love him? Ronnie: have it both ways Ronnie: he tells it either way Ali: I probably don't know him now Ali: I'll allow that Ali: that's how he wants it so you don't have to defend him like I'm saying I do Ali: or that I'll force it, when he's been so clear Ronnie: hes the last person I can be arsed to defend Ronnie: but no shit he gets everything he wants Ali: What were you after Ali: we disown him Ali: or strongarm him into rehab and therapy Ronnie: yeah Ive got everything crossed for sobriety Ronnie: fucks sake Ali: disowning then, he's done it to us Ali: it won't happen the other way 'round, sorry to say Ronnie: give him your fucking sorry Ronnie: he was the one begging me to ruin it all Ali: close enough that he should still be happy Ali: I'm not sorry for him Ali: I already said, he shouldn't have used you like that Ronnie: thats what happens theres no fucking 💘 and 🥀 Ali: no one deserves that Ronnie: I am no one Ali: You aren't Ali: don't have to be Ronnie: people like their junkies part time or useful or repentant Ronnie: fuck that Ali: that's not your whole gig Ronnie: you don't know shit Ronnie: youre not under my skin or in my head Ali: I know enough to know that's bullshit Ali: if anyone was just their addictions and vices, you wouldn't need them Ronnie: yeah youre the smart one Ronnie: he told me Ali: He's the one at the fancy arts school Ali: how does he reconcile that with being the junkie one Ronnie: youre 16 theres no uni thatd take you yet Ronnie: happy birthday for whenever the fuck it was Ali: Thanks Ali: about a month ago Ali: extend the invite next time Ronnie: dont Ronnie: I wont show Ali: you haven't heard how great my parties are yet Ronnie: I aint a childrens entertainer Ali: be cool if you were Ali: have a heart attack when you showed up Ronnie: next time I need a few quid ill try and remember Ronnie: make you proud of me Ali: probably leave that to Joe, and your friends and fam Ali: but I know how to make balloon animals so hmu Ronnie: course you do Ronnie: youre the target market for hippy crack Ali: awh Ali: how true Ronnie: no shit Ronnie: how long you been in the youngest ones adhd meds Ali: not really my thing Ali: need to calm my brain, not stimulate it harder Ronnie: 💔 Ali: how'd you know about that Ali: doesn't seem like the sort of pillowtalk he'd be about Ronnie: i was in care i know what an kid with adhd looks like Ronnie: and theyve tried to diagnose me as everything but a west little bastard Ali: he's shit scared right now Ronnie: be fucked if he werent Ali: yeah Ali: he doesn't really know Joe Ali: was like 4 when he went to Uni so Ali: proper boogeyman shit Ronnie: mckenna will love that Ronnie: real boner for the misery Ali: someone should get something out of it Ali: he can pay for his therapy later Ali: more meds, whatever Ronnie: ill tell him to put in his will Ali: try not to die Ronnie: itd be the ultimate misery boner Ronnie: why should he stop getting what he wants now Ali: yeah, you do love him Ali: but hate him too Ronnie: 💘🥀 Ali: Is he worth it? Ronnie: youre describing freckles and the princess you know that yeah Ronnie: me and her dont share every dysfunction Ali: Nah, they don't hate each other Ali: loads of other stuff, people Ali: very them vs everyone Ronnie: she hates that she needs him Ronnie: that he makes her soft Ronnie: close enough Ali: You reckon? Ali: Hmm Ronnie: first rule of tortured kids club Ali: it's why she loves him too Ali: you'd understand if her sister had been there Ali: she's got no one to make her soft, I tried but Ronnie: gutted she werent there then Ali: you wouldn't like her any more than she'd like you Ali: it'd be fitting, but no fun Ronnie: thats the fun Ronnie: I hate you all Ali: I see the appeal Ronnie: have a go Ronnie: hate me Ali: I see your appeal Ali: why would I hate you? Ali: Fraze does and he's having the least fun of all Ronnie: you see what you fucking wanna Ronnie: youd have to know me to know if I had any appeal Ali: Then I'm a spoilt hippy brat, as you like it Ali: you'd have to do worse for me to hate you Ali: not my MO Ronnie: not wasting another flight on it Ronnie: kill your own ma Ali: then I'm good for it Ali: sorry again Ali: you did what you set out to do, making me 💔 wasn't part of it Ronnie: stop fucking apologising Ali: it offends you? Ronnie: I did what mckenna cant do for his fucking self being a useless pussy from cradle to grave Ronnie: he is under my skin and in my veins like it or not Ali: yeah, and my apology is worth a damn when you've got problems that big Ali: alright, I won't say it no more Ronnie: if it was for me Id have done it at 10 14 fucking 18 even Ali: 'course, you got fucked over at birth Ali: no other straws needed Ali: his is more of a slowburn of bullshit Ronnie: yeah Ali: I don't know what he's told you, or how much you care about it Ali: but they've always been like it, Fraze too Ali: we have no idea and they went through so much more Ali: but Joe's only got 5 on me, so that says all you really need to know Ronnie: thats lads for you Ronnie: cant handle any pain unless they glorify it Ali: or co-opt it Ali: if you don't wanna be like them, tell him to get his own Ronnie: Im not like them thats why he likes me Ronnie: it aint my winning smile Ronnie: helps that I look like you and your ma course hes that sick Ali: He's hated them both ever since Bea came around, then when we moved her, like it was for her Ali: he's spoilt, like you said Ali: but I really think he is sick, too Ronnie: no shit Ronnie: were both sick Ali: yeah Ali: maybe you'll wanna get help someday Ronnie: for what Ronnie: theres no happy ever after here Ali: to not be sick Ronnie: nice try little girl Ronnie: not gonna get cured Ali: yeah, well has to seem better than sick Ali: that's a big ask Ali: I can't imagine not getting to do the drugs I do, and that's everyone Ronnie: it's like being in a relationship yeah sometimes it makes you feel good sometimes it dont Ronnie: cant fix shit though Ronnie: the rots too deep and its already set in Ronnie: long before I took a hit Ali: That's medication for you Ronnie: thats pain for you Ali: Yeah Ronnie: if I cant cut it out Ill cut her out of me Ronnie: her face outta mine Ali: It's DNA Ali: everything and nothing Ronnie: if she's in my blood ill spill it all Ronnie: theres fuck all point keeping it on the inside Ali: It's a waste of you Ali: the you that ain't her Ronnie: I am the waste Ronnie: ive had enough kids scraped out of me it aint hard Ali: She believed in the happily ever after you don't Ali: more fool her Ronnie: she got it Ali: she wanted it with you Ronnie: bullshit Ali: She did, she loved your biological dad, basically as many years as she'd been about Ali: she didn't just not get an abortion because she was scared Ronnie: she wanted it with him then Ronnie: I was along for the ride til I got dumped out Ronnie: if she wanted me id fucking be there Ali: she could've tried Ali: yeah Ali: you would've got taken away though Ronnie: so what Ali: just that, she wasn't allowed to keep you, she was a 14 year old with no parent, they'd have separated you and put you into different care homes Ali: happened to her friend Ronnie: I was a 14 year old with no parents either Ronnie: and a 4 year old Ronnie: 4 months Ronnie: however the fuck far back you wanna go Ronnie: I still found ways to get shit that I wanted Ali: Yeah, I know Ali: you had enough to eat and a bed with a roof over your head Ali: you wouldn't have if you'd had her, if that was even possible, somehow Ronnie: no I fucking didnt Ronnie: not always Ali: if you were in a home Ali: more than a squat where no fucker pays the bills or gets groceries over smack, you know the situation Ronnie: I know it helps her sleep at night Ronnie: this story Ali: you don't have to add it to your narrative if it fucks with your peace Ali: ask Joe Ali: if he reckons he remembers everything back in Liverpool, he'll remember Ronnie: I dont need to ask him cos his story is that she blinked and her life was so fucking sorted that she pushed a shit ton more kids out Ronnie: where the fuck was I Ronnie: nowhere Ronnie: youre my fucking replacement is why Ali: she could've got you when she got Bea and Ro Ali: I don't know how old you were then, 13? Ali: they might've said she was sorted enough, maybe Ali: it was more, this girl has been abused and you're a friend she trusts who is willing to foster her so let's shove her at you and get her out, it wasn't happy families Ronnie: no need when theres already loads of shiny white kids to mother and 2 less shiny to play saviour too Ali: I could ask Ali: I was a toddler, and it wasn't my bedtime story too, believe it or nah Ronnie: luck of the irish Ali: I'll take 50% Ronnie: her sob story is as fucking useless to me as mckennas misery boners are Ali: 💔 Ali: very convincing performance in that case Ronnie: fuck you Ali: why Ronnie: if you have to ask youre not listening Ali: I meant the part where you necked on with him Ronnie: why not Ali: 'cos his boners are a letdown, obvs Ronnie: I dont need him to make me feel good Ronnie: and he fucking wishes he could do as good of a job as the shit that does Ali: thank God Ronnie: he wanted the shock factor thats me baby Ali: assumed that was his intention Ali: he stopped showing up as himself ages ago though, that was, not more shocking but impactful, let's say Ali: if he wasn't so obviously out of it, he might've known that we knew Ronnie: he wanted to stop showing up full stop Ronnie: til he gets shipped back in a ⚰ Ronnie: and reckoned thatd be the final nail for you all us fucking Ali: and us younger ones are dramatic, hilarious Ali: who doesn't want to get away from home? Ali: Tommy has been since he was 11, Bea went to Cambridge, Ro will too, Fraze only didn't because Bea told him he wasn't allowed to follow her Ali: I'm planning on Singapore, myself Ronnie: hes too pussy to handle being away from me Ronnie: or what I get like when he isnt in my fucking face Ronnie: that bit wasnt about you lot as much like Ali: it's how it goes Ali: that's why people get knocked up, get married, get fabulous careers, so you can have an excuse for why you can't make this weekend, will try to pop in for this event but end up just sending a card Ali: it's weird it's you, of course, you're both sick, duh, but look at it objectively Ali: it's your version of 2.4 kids and a dog Ronnie: he dont want me to slit my own throat or anyone elses but his more fool him Ronnie: cant knock me up or marry me thank christ Ronnie: I like that the dog is smack thats well poetic Ali: I'll have a go at writing it Ali: if you want a null and void illegal wedding too, I'll write those vows and all Ronnie: ill stick it in a song if you want better than happy birthday Ronnie: fuck that i belong to no one Ronnie: theres loads more fun illegal shit to do Ali: you write songs too? Ali: just don't let Joe play cello on it Ali: if depression had a 🎵 Ronnie: id lose money if i begged with him Ronnie: fucking hell Ronnie: looks pathetic enough but thats all Ali: very child actor vibes, or rockstar's kid Ali: you had it all and you pissed it all the wall Ali: not here's a couple of quid for a warm cup of coffee and a sarnie, no Ronnie: i can see his face hearing that Ronnie: id have to take a brick to it Ali: yeah, he probably hates me Ali: not as much as Fraze, didn't have the toddler clout to make us move to Dublin, bit rude Ronnie: you're in his way Ali: of what Ronnie: 💉 Ali: that's his hangup Ali: like I said, no one is forcing him to do shit here Ali: guilt's part and parcel of 💚 and 💉 ain't it Ronnie: youre not telling me shit I dont know Ronnie: hes the one shitting himself hes gonna get chucked in rehab Ronnie: nobodys coming to take me nowhere Ali: I get it Ali: she's shit at turning up Ali: tell her to work on it Ronnie: do what you want Ronnie: far as sisterly advice what ive got is dont ask me for a shot unless youre after a habit Ali: lecturing ain't my gig rn, she loves a bit of it so honestly no need when her 🧠 will be full of the 💔 Ali: cheers, I'll stick to the just saying no of it all Ronnie: get the money up front when you are gigging Ronnie: and take care of the kid when you aint Ali: I will, I do Ali: he's got a few years to grow before I'm going anywhere Ronnie: yeah Ali: and my wife might stay and they're best friends Ronnie: she was the one trying to rival us for most high Ali: ✌💚💉 Ali: it was a party before you walked in Ali: which I'm aware was very much the idea Ali: can I give you a tattoo I'm good Ronnie: go ahead Ronnie: not gonna be here long like Ali: where do you wanna meet, my rig is way portable Ronnie: [a place nearby wherever they are cos god knows but I doubt Joe wants to see Ali and she aint gonna tell him that's where she's going LOL] Ali: 👍 Ali: about 25 on my 🚲 Ronnie: reckon i can stay alive til then

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Grace

Janis: [Let us say that some boys on the bus were going hard with being dicks because duh, shit always goes down on the bus] Janis: 3 of those lads have sent me dick pics Janis: say the word, like Grace: only 3? 💔 Janis: What can I say? Janis: Not got the pull I used to, obvs Grace: yeah same Janis: Yeah Janis: well, there's comfort in knowing you're always one #scandal away from being old news at this school, yeah Grace: mhmm I'm like so comforted rn Janis: Not my forte Janis: I'll work on getting the remaining 2 dicks Janis: revenge porn, I could do Grace: 🤞💜🙏 Janis: I hope the rest of the insults you've heard today have been more creative than that poor showing at least Grace: Duh of course they haven't 🙄 Janis: Gutting Janis: should've paid more attention in English, lads Grace: [sends her some of the quality content] Grace: that'll be easier when I'm not there to be like TOTALLY distracting obvs Janis: 😑 Janis: How dry Janis: 💀 or 👻 Grace: I mean like catch them at 20 still trying to pass Grace: much as I wanna kms Janis: True that Janis: only here past junior cert to get more fingering experience Grace: ugh Janis: I know Janis: romance is dead Janis: is there anything I can actually do though? Grace: get that as a matching tattoo with barista boy? no 👌👌 Grace: idk cos idk what I can even do soooo Grace: my life is just over Janis: I'll float the idea Janis: might be a bit mainstream Janis: yeah but is that such a bad thing Janis: was pretty tragic, right? Grace: can you not Janis: I'm not taking the piss Janis: I'm being real Grace: & I'm not in the mood for a life revamp atm Grace: or your advice Janis: I'm not trying to be a guru either Grace: well you don't know what you're talking about so that's a relief Janis: Alright Janis: not said I do either Janis: sorry I don't, if I knew how to avoid scandals, I could sell that shit for a high price Grace: just stop Grace: I could care less that I'm #cancelled Grace: it's not even Janis: Go on then Janis: I know you aren't upset over that idiot Grace: Duh Grace: he's the WORST but I knew that already Janis: and give a shit about everyone talking shit, apparently Janis: so, what is it? Grace: it's real if I say it Janis: Is that why you're not saying anything Janis: I know it doesn't stop the talk but some people might listen Janis: what don't you want to make real? Grace: I don't want people to listen, I literally don't want anyone to know Grace: I don't even wanna know, I wish I didn't Janis: Grace Janis: what are you talking about? Grace: I'm literally the worst person, I didn't wanna have his baby & now god has like cursed me forever Janis: Babe, God is NOT a subscriber Janis: tell me Grace: if you make me 😂 I will 😭 Janis: That would make things feel more normal Janis: but I'll calm my comedy genius Janis: you haven't grown another head and I don't think our animal have been slaughtered Grace: thanks babes Grace: but I'd rather have another head than this Janis: More to contour, I get it Janis: Kinda Janis: so it must be bad Grace: Yeah Grace: like I said, my life is over Grace: it's not even started & it's done Janis: Did you want the baby Janis: I know you said not HIS but like Janis: it'd be understandable to be in two minds, even after making a decision about it Grace: not now but I didn't know that'd mean not ever Janis: What? Grace: it's not just that I wasn't pregnant this time Grace: I can't be Janis: Ever? Janis: The Doctor told you? Grace: Ever Grace: the doctor said I'm going through the fucking menopause, like is nan even?! Janis: the menopause Janis: is that even possible Janis: fuck Grace: I don't think the doctor is allowed to drop fake news on me Grace: like maybe there's another storytime coming Janis: When did you find this out? Grace: I went to the doctors right after I delivered my fake news to him Janis: Jesus, Grace Janis: How are you in School Janis: why? Grace: I told you, I don't want this to be happening Grace: I'm freaking out, the symptoms are crazy Janis: Is it just pure bad luck Janis: it can't be like..reversed Grace: there's like no way to undo it Janis: Shit Janis: I'm sorry Janis: that is huge Grace: yeah me too Grace: the pity party this fam would throw would be huge Grace: along with the guestlist of all their accidental babies Janis: and we have enough birthdays with all those accidental kids so Janis: Obviously, no need to explain why you're keeping it to yourself Grace: I can't do this Grace: be this Janis: I don't think you have a choice Janis: well, you don't Grace: is it my fault though? all the binging I used to do Grace: Ro got to have a kid Janis: Of course it ain't your fault Janis: this shit is unfair and random Grace: Yeah Janis: and it'll always be shit and unfair Janis: but you can still live your life, just different to how you've imagined Grace: I don't wanna live this life Janis: There's not an alternative Janis: but I can guarantee it's not gonna be as bad as you feel right now Grace: I was just starting to get my shit together, for god's sake Janis: I know Janis: but you still have the rest together Grace: HE'S the last boy that's ever gonna come near me, that alone makes me wanna die Janis: that's bollocks Janis: you've not got the plague Janis: socially, right now Janis: but who gives a fuck, yeah, the lads 'round here are not the be all in any way Grace: I literally live here Grace: what else am I gonna do go online and find boys who are into 👵? Janis: Boys that don't go to our school, would be a start Janis: ones that aren't likely to be fans of that prick, shouldn't be hard Janis: you're not going for 12 year olds, like Grace: I said don't make me 😂 Janis: It can't hurt Janis: except literally, maybe Grace: I've gotta get used to all the fucking aches and pains anyway ugh Janis: Any excuse for a spa day, you Grace: I'll lose your invite, don't even worry Janis: 💔😏 Janis: you should though Janis: do something that doesn't make you feel like 👵 Grace: casual infertility party Janis: not exactly what I was thinking but Janis: interesting take on the baby shower epidemic Janis: I'd come Grace: oh god don't, Rio's gonna have another one soon Janis: It'll be nice to not have to snatch it back from an OTT gay this time Janis: more chill Grace: unless I snatch it cos I go fully mental Janis: I'd recommend a less baby crazy target Grace: maybe I'll start pushing all the 🐈s around in a pram like oh hey this is my new vibe Janis: if you want your face clawed off Janis: they're pretty unsympathetic little bastards Grace: I literally didn't wanna be in this fam before what am I meant to do now?! ugh Janis: As much as it would be a laugh to ask Ri to surrogate again Janis: let's think of something a little less drastic for the time being Grace: like? Janis: like Janis: you can't disown us all, it'd take to long Janis: but you could not be around for a while Grace: 👌👌 except I have nowhere to go Grace: not trying to have a Q&A with my friends about this Janis: You're so lucky I'm the twin with brains Grace: rude Janis: what about going to see Ava for a hot sec Janis: she's not the barrage-you-with-questions type Grace: it's lowkey very unlikely her mum & dad would want me there though Janis: yeah but it's as unlikely they'll be about enough to notice you that hard Janis: everyone knows you're going through it right now, even if they don't actually know what IT really is Grace: okay yeah Grace: mum does, she'd let me go Janis: exactly, who actually gives a shit if you miss a week or so of school Janis: Ava could still go if she so desperately needs, you just need to chill Janis: away from here Grace: not me, school was the worst even before this Janis: One thing we can agree on Grace: don't like tell anyone, okay? Janis: No shit Janis: 'course I won't Grace: Even your boyfriend who you're so 💖😍😘 for & have no secrets from Janis: Even though you're being purposefully antagonizing rn Janis: I won't tell no one Grace: thanks Janis: It ain't even an ask Janis: so don't mention it Grace: 👌💜 Janis: I'll hook it up with her, no stress Grace: I'll handle mum Janis: and your packing Grace: at least I don't have to serve a look as hard when there's only 1 person there I'm avoiding as opposed to like ALL of Dublin Janis: safe to say you can give the #ootds a break too Janis: strictly loungewear, like Grace: mhmmm Janis: bit rude to avoid Ava though Janis: do I need to tell her you're getting in the guestroom and not coming out, like? Grace: oh please, I would never Janis: Who are you avoiding then? Grace: just a boy Janis: unlike you Grace: excuse you Janis: You'd have your exes all back 'round like a family reunion Janis: who's this boy, did you shit in his bed, what's the story Grace: 😱😱😱 Grace: I WOULD NOT Janis: 👌👌 you love a repeat Grace: I'm a hoe reformed 😇🙏 Janis: so that's why you're avoiding Janis: get a wimple, join a convent Grace: literally can't 💍 anyone but god now anyway so Grace: obvs that's what he wanted when he cursed me Janis: #whenbaeisposessive 😍 Janis: and don't talk shit, you don't have to promise you'll have your firstborn within the year when you get married, like Janis: not necessary Grace: whatever we're so off topic rn Janis: the topic of you shitting in some London lad's bed, 'cos you did not deny it Janis: let's get back on that Grace: OMG no! Grace: I'm 👵 not 🤢💀🤒😓💀 Grace: he's just a hookup, no drama Janis: just gonna run for cover if you 👀 him Janis: standard Janis: probably not lurking about her gaff unless you've really one-upped everyone and fucked your uncle 🤢 Grace: EW! Grace: I'm not even gonna 👀 him cos he's her bfs brother but like I didn't know that so Janis: that's funny Janis: soz Janis: 😂 when the incestuousness of it all happens without you even trying Grace: 🙄🙄 Janis: okay 🤐 Janis: but deffo avoid him Grace: duh Grace: the state of me & my life rn Janis: more like the state of that whole situation Janis: getting involved in that is not anyone's idea of relaxing Grace: obvs but that's not anything to do with him Grace: just like none of this #scandal involves you Janis: Think people know better than to imply it was a threesome, yeah Grace: Gross! & you know what I mean, babes Janis: yeah, it's beyond #obvs you don't wanna avoid this boy mhmm Grace: like that matters, he's not gonna hit me up & same Janis: well okay Janis: arranging that goes beyond sisterly duties into pimp territory so Janis: focus on what you're actually gonna do whilst you're there then Grace: 😭😭💀💀😭 then yeah? Grace: 👌💜 Janis: you could do that here Janis: at least go somewhere instagrammable to die Grace: well duh Grace: final livestream for the haters Janis: 🙄😏 Janis: wonder if anyone's killed themselves on stream yet Janis: must've Grace: obvs Grace: but I literally couldn't even if it was original content cos they'd all think it was about him & I'm sooo 💔💔💔 Janis: No one wants that as their legacy Grace: exactly Janis: even if the race to #1 most subscribed when he gets #cancelled would be just riveting Grace: he won't even though his fans are just Janis: sweaty virgins Janis: yeah, figures Grace: 😂 Grace: I'd tell him to hit them with a Q&A but like he's got no answers Grace: literally should've known I wasn't pregnant Janis: thank fuck you ain't Janis: this time anyway Janis: obvs the whole thing is a little more complex but Christ Janis: having to parent with that Janis: and knowing your child was the product of a really shit shag Janis: 💔 Grace: IKR Grace: at least he doesn't know he could blame the menopause for how shit it was Janis: I highly doubt he knows what the menopause is Janis: nevermind the concept of it coming early Janis: though that shouldn't be that unfamiliar Grace: who knew it could come this early though Grace: not his defence squad but like wtf Janis: I hadn't heard of it before, really Janis: like I knew people like Ro and Mia and co can stop getting their period and it might not come back, even if you sort yourself Janis: it's shit luck Grace: yeah Janis: Did you not get your period Janis: on whatever contraception you're on Grace: loads of people don't on the implant so I wasn't freaking out Janis: yeah Janis: s'what I thought Janis: you don't think, I mean that's not why, is it Grace: I'd hope someone would have floated that as a side effect before I got it put in but it's not like I can ask my former squad if they're also going through it Grace: they might've moved on by now anyways it only lasts 3 years Grace: hence my 👶 panic Janis: I don't think even doctors and scientists know what it does to our bodies Janis: we're still guineapigs for all this shit Janis: I know loads of people get fucked up from all the hormones they add to your body, and the ones they take away Janis: again, just bad luck it happened to be permanent, I guess Janis: fun times Grace: at least I won't have to do any of that shit any more Janis: that's true Janis: it's not like there aren't any perks Janis: or that the losses can't be filled with other potentials in the future, when you actually wanna think about all that shit Grace: unless I go bald then I will kms obvs Janis: If you go bald, you can just go for it and superglue a wig on Grace: find me one that doesn't make me look like a weird cartoon character & sure Janis: no 💗 or 💙 Janis: got it Grace: ty 💜 Janis: failing that, you could make Ri transplant you some of hers Janis: like so you won't give me a baby, okay Grace: 😂😂 coming at her with ✂ Grace: I love that you didn't volunteer yourself bitch Grace: 💇 or 👶 tbh Janis: Full horror movie moment that Janis: selfish to a fault me Janis: and final girl, so you can pry 'em off my cold dead head or outta my cold dead womb Grace: my 📽🎞😱 moment is that this is gonna change my skin type to dry so it'll take me at least a full week to find replacements for all my makeup faves Janis: yeah, but think about how hard your spots should disappear Janis: get yourself a decent moisturizer and you won't even need to bother barely Grace: !!! Grace: I didn't even think of that OMG Janis: mhmm 👵 don't get acne Grace: 🙏🙏 Janis: and you can try a new facial over there, yeah Grace: as long as Ava isn't like no thanks bitch Janis: won't give her an option tbh Grace: 📽🎞😱 Janis: 😏 you know I'm scary bitch Grace: oh please Janis: 👊 Grace: 😘