#getting pretty ridiculous methinks

[twofoursixohjuan]

remembering that particularly odd corner of Tumblr I stumbled into a while back (full of terfs of course, lot of blocking done that day) which was going on about this practice of "female separatism".

so apparently you're meant to cut off any male friends, avoid consuming content by male artists, refuse to hire men if you're in that position, avoid wearing clothing that conforms to "male standards of attraction" (i.e. revealing), etc., etc.

anyway, how on earth do you fuck up feminism so badly you become an 1800s Bernadine nun?

[caffeinatedopossum]

I'm so tired hngg

[eevees-hobbies]

Suo , Kaji and Umemiya are the type to grind your pussy on their crotch while making out , methinks ...

I’m feral. It’s 6AM, and I am READY, Megumi!!!

Ok, but can we truly analyze this??? Because these men have three distinct personalities so I truly feel in my vagina of vaginas that they do it with different intentions. Let’s talk about it.

Content Warning: Making out, teasing, being called a brat, heavy petting, dry humping, it’s smut! Minors Do Not Interact.

Hayato Suo grinds your pussy against his crotch while making out because he revels in teasing you. Suo isn’t enjoying himself unless he’s drawing out your pleasure, making you beg in your sweet, whiny voice that he has come to love personally, ripping from your throat. His headstrong, badass girl is brought to tears from friction and kissing? How cute. No amount of begging for more of him will save you.

“Now, where’s the fun in that? We’ve only just gotten started.”

You, in fact, have not just gotten started, but that’s a non-issue for Suo.

So while his hand is pressed against the back of your head, tongue in your mouth, with you laying flush against his chest where you fit perfectly like lock and key, he’s giving you slow, drawn-out rolls of his hips. Your core squeezes almost painfully every time you feel his hand press down against the small of your back, and he drags himself against your essence-dressed panties. 

And the contrast between you, who is panting, sweating, and groaning from a simple make-out and dry humping session, to him, who still looks perfectly put together, unbothered, and like he can keep doing this for hours, will have you feeling a little panicked—because Suo is nothing but patient.

But don’t worry, Suo just has a really good poker face. If you read him, which you can because you’re a clever girl, you’ll feel the occasional grumble of his chest when you bite his lip, and when he grinds against you, you’ll feel something so ridiculously hard, and is that a wet spot in his pants? 

Because Suo is still a man, after all. A man who is deliriously infatuated with you. And he can only be kept at bay for so long until that mask slips, and somewhere along during the making out and grinding, your panties and his boxers have disappeared, and he’s now guiding your heat-radiating, drooling mess of a cunt onto his throbbing dick.

“S-see? Doesn’t it feel so much better, o-oh god…when we wait, my love?”

Hajime Umemiya grinds your pussy against his crotch while making out because every part of him needs to come in contact with every part of you at all times. Umemiya loves a good, passionate makeout session. The taste of you? His favorite thing.

So when you’re sitting on the couch, and he pulls you in his lap, pressing firm lips against yours, lips that communicate their innate and irrevocable desire for you, who are you to refuse? 

And I’m sure I don’t have to tell you this, but Ume is an amazing kisser. His kisses always start deeply sensual, lips slotted against yours, moving languidly in between gentle words of affirmation.

“I’ve missed you so much.”

“You look so beautiful today.” 

“Your hair looks so pretty. Let me mess it up a little?” 

And unlike Suo, Umemiya doesn’t wear a mask to hide how much you affect him. He wears his desire for you on his sleeve and carries it like a badge of honor. 

Don’t get me wrong, you have a lot of power here. When you suck on his tongue, he’s moaning unabashedly into your mouth. When you slide your fingers into his coiffed hair and pull it at the roots, he’s shivering against your touch.

But Umemiya is still a big, powerful man who allows you to have control—until he doesn’t want you to anymore. 

Eventually, he’ll become so engrossed and taken over by how you make him feel that you’ll notice two firm hands gripping your hips in a way that makes it hard to move. You won’t have much range of motion as he drags his clothed cock against the seat of your panties.

Luckily for you, you don’t have to wait long to have Ume inside of you because torturing you is also torturing himself—and Ume can’t say no to you. If at any point you tell him that you need him, he’s nodding feverishly in agreement because:

“Y-yeah, I need you too, baby girl.” 

“Here, let’s just slip these panties to the side and-“

“Fuuuuck, ah, I better…give me a second, ok?” 

“I a-almost lost control there.”

Ren Kaji grinds your pussy against his crotch while making out because he likes to torture you both. 

While the previous two would grind you with clothes on, you and Kaji are both naked, lying side-by-side in each other's arms. He’s holding your face firmly in place with a well-placed hand gripping your chin, full-opened mouth kissing and allowing you to lick at his canines. 

And you’d think it would be just so easy to wrap a leg around his waist, shift yourself a little bit, and then slip him inside you.

But do you really want to face the wrath of Kaji? I mean, maybe you do because you’re into that, but while it might sound tempting, it may not give you the desired result.

“You brat. You’re going to have to work for it before I fuck you.”

So, let’s pretend you don’t do that. You’re just going to have to come to terms with the fact that Kaji is nibbling on your bottom lip as he slides his dick in between your puffy pussy lips, groaning from the heat, the feeling of your sensitive clit rubbing along the vein of his cock and having the power to slide inside of you—something you both desperately want—but denying you regardless.

“I’m not gonna put it in until she’s drooling on it, bratty girl.”

Say less, Kaji. 

Because the way he’s pinching your folds together and jutting his cock between them has your cream lathering up every inch of him. And you’ll think you’ve won because he’s finally pushing the fat tip of his cock inside of you, stretching your aching little hole around the bulbous head—but then, with a hiss from him and a whine from you, he’s pulling out and repeating the motion, reveling in that sound. 

The wet, gooey sound that happens when you slowly press a dick inside a creamy pussy over and over. It’s a sound that makes Kaji lose his mind, a sound that almost has him saying fuck it, and stuffing you up to the hilt of his cock. Almost.

“F-fuck, I love that sound. Do you hear that? You’re so wet for me.”

“Stop complaining, and let me put the tip in for a little longer.”

Amazing idea @melancholymegumi

[alwaysonthemend]

Author’s Note: Josh lane come get y'all juice!!

This fic has been sitting in my drafts for a hot sec and I’ve finally finished it! I hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Sorry for any typos/mistakes!

Summary: Good things come to those who wait. And our sweet Josh is about to find out just how good those things can be. 

Content Warnings: Oral (m and f rec.) fingering, pegging, slight edging. Needless to say, 18+ MINORS DNI

Word Count: 4961 

-----------------------

You can’t help but leer at him as the two of you make your way into the venue from the parking lot. Josh always looks gorgeous, but tonight you find yourself wishing that the two of you had just stayed home. 

“Enjoying the view?” Josh asks, turning to catch you staring at his ass with a cocky smirk.

“Meh. I’ve seen better.” 

“Have you now?” Josh stops, allowing you to catch up with him. Grabbing your wrists, he pulls you into him so that your chests are flush against one another. 

“Oh ya. Way better.” You tell him, grinning as he places his hands on your hips. 

“Methinks the lady doth protest too much.” He says, cocking a brow at you and giving you a mischievous smile.

“She doth protest too much because she has not the words to describe such beauty.” You say, pressing a sweet kiss to his lips and looping your arms around his shoulders. 

“Ethereal. Divine. Transcendent. Such lofty words that still fall short.” You continue, giving a mock frown. 

“Not to ruin the vibe here, babe.” he tells you with a sideways grin, “but it makes my dick hard when you talk about me like that.” 

“Literally shut the fuck up.” You slap his chest playfully. “You better behave tonight.” 

“No promises. I still think we should have just stayed in tonight.” 

You just roll your eyes, pulling away from him to enter the venue. 

-🌻🌻🌻🌻-

“Baby?” 

The sound of Josh’s sweet voice makes it to your ears over the sounds of the bar, drawing your attention away from your conversation with another friend of yours. 

“Yeah?” You ask him, swiveling in your high top chair at the bar to see him taking a seat in the one next to you. He’s got an odd look about him, and his cheeks are flushed from the alcohol. 

He leans in closer to you, tilting his head downwards so that his lips hover just above your ear – it’s loud in the bar, but not so loud to warrant his pretty lips coming so close to you in order for you to hear him. 

“Can we go home, baby?” The words slip from his lips, accent slightly more prominent since he’s been drinking, and there’s just a tiny hint of a whine in his words. “Please?” 

He’s been extra clingy all night. He’s always touchy, but tonight he’s turned the touchiness up to 11. You’re not really complaining – his obvious desire for you makes you feel extra special tonight.  

“We just got here.” You tell him, furrowing your brows at his sudden lack of interest in parties. Normally, you’re the one that has to drag him away from an event like this. “Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing’s wrong. Just wanna be…” he trials off, raising a brow in a way that’s so ridiculously attractive you almost choke, “alone with you.” 

You bite your lip – the neediness of his words affecting you in a way that, perhaps, they shouldn’t be. Certainly, in a way that isn’t appropriate for a social gathering such as this. Especially when he’s sitting in front of you looking so delectable in his tan suit and white turtleneck. The outfit looks better on him than any article of clothing has a right to, and there’s a large part of you that would be more than happy to just go home and tear it off him. But you’re enjoying yourself, too. You haven’t seen some of these people in ages, and you want to spend a little more time with them before leaving. 

Not to mention, there’s another little part of you that loves how much Josh wants to go home – solely to be with you. You want to soak up the feeling as much as you can. Why not draw it out? It just makes the reward that much more enjoyable.  

“We’ll go home soon, babe.” You say, waving your hand dismissively, “Just be patient.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he says, sarcasm dripping off him, “have you met me before?”

“Patience, Josh. Or I’ll make you stay here much longer than either of us really want to be.” 

That shuts him up, and you watch in humor as he slinks away, turning back only once to give you a bratty look before disappearing back into the crowd. 

You mix and mingle for a while longer, catching up with old friends as you flit about the room. Occasionally, you’ll catch Josh’s eye and he’ll give you a pleading look – one that normally would have you falling to your knees and giving him whatever he wants. But tonight, there’s a fire within your veins that renders his magical puppy dog eyes useless on you. 

As the revelry of the night ensues, you find yourself tucking away in a corner with a few of your closer friends, lounging on the leather sofas and catching up. It doesn’t take long for Josh to come and find you though, and he settles next to you – so close you can feel the warmth of him as he presses his thigh against yours. 

“Now?” He whispers, once again leaning in close to your ear. 

“No.” You tell him, taking a sip of your drink. 

“Babe…” He sighs, shoulders slumping, “I want you so bad. Please can we go?”

“Josh,” you place your glass down on the table and turn your body to face him more fully, “I’m enjoying spending time with my friends. You can wait.” 

He sticks his bottom lip out and looks at you through his pretty lashes. 

“Laying it on thick, huh Joshy?” You bat your own lashes at him in response. 

He shrugs. 

“And why do you have to be so mean?” He’s not serious, but he is losing patience. 

You raise a brow at him and sit up a little straighter. 

“What’s gotten into you tonight?” 

“Have you seen you?” He asks you, raking his eyes up and down your form. “Your dress is going to kill me one of these days. A happy death, no doubt. But a tragedy nonetheless.” 

You roll your eyes at him playfully, chest warming with affection for the ridiculous man in front of you. 

“Are you really that desperate for it?” 

He just nods at you, soft curls bouncing where they rest on his forehead. 

“Too bad.” You tell him simply, reaching your hand over to rub his thigh softly with your fingertips. You stifle a gasp when you feel him, half hard, through his pants. 

He whines quietly as your fingers brush over his clothed cock, rocking his hips delicately forward. 

“Please.” He whispers, cutting his honey brown eyes to look back at you. His cheeks have become a dark red and his chest heaves with each breath. You’ve never seen him look so ravished without having even done anything to him yet. 

“Patience, Josh.” Is all you give him, stroking his length through his pants one more time before you turn away, jumping right back into the conversation with your friends. 

You hear him stifle a groan as he shifts next to you, clearly uncomfortable. You feel slightly bad for him, imagining how he must be feeling – popping a boner in public like a teenager. But that’s as far as your sympathy goes. You’re not ready to give up the game yet. 

After a while, he calms down enough that he can rise from the sofa. He gives you a frustrated glare as he retreats, and you can’t help but to smile into your drink as you watch him go. 

-🌻🌻🌻🌻-

Eventually, the dull ache between your own thigh becomes too much, and you rise from your seat to go in search of your lovely partner. Weaving in and out of the crowd of people, you find him quickly, and his eyes practically sparkle as he sees you. 

He walks over to you in quick strides, a bashful smile on his face. 

“Are we leaving?” 

“Yes, baby.” You tell him, heart alight with affection as he grins widely at you and laces his fingers with yours. “Let’s go home.” 

“Fucking finally.” 

The drive back to yours and Josh’s shared home isn’t particularly a long one, but it feels like years have passed before you’re finally pulling into the driveway. Josh had been silent in the passenger seat, hands clenched into fists at his sides and his plush bottom lip between his teeth. 

You climb out of the car, and the two of you make your way to the front door. Josh walks in front of you, opening the door for you like the gentlemen that he is. 

“Thank you, baby.” You tell him, stepping inside and immediately slipping your heels off. Breathing a sigh of relief, you walk further into the house. Josh follows behind as you make your way up to the bedroom. 

Entering the room lit only by a salt lamp and a floor lamp, you sit on the edge of the bed, watching as Josh makes his way into the room. 

He walks over to the middle of the room, arms hanging loosely at his sides, and a fire in his eyes as he looks at you. 

“Something you need, Josh?” You ask him, a coy smile painting your lips. Why not tease him a little more?

“Babe, you know what I want.” He mutters, walking over to the side of the bed where you’re sitting and slotting himself between your legs. “Been wanting it all night.” 

“Yeah?” Your question lilts out in a breathless whisper. 

“Yeah.” He confirms, splaying his warm hands out on your thighs. 

“How bad?” 

“So bad, mama. So bad.” 

“You were so patient for me.” You tell him, running your hands up his sides. “Take your clothes off, Josh. I want to see you.” 

Obediently, he steps back and begins to strip. You watch in rapt attention as he undresses, until he’s standing there – naked and glorious, before you. 

You allow yourself a moment to stare at him. You admire the way his slim waist is accentuated by the dim light, and your mouth waters as your eyes rake up to his sharp jawline and gorgeous lips. 

He’s looking at you in that way that only he can – like you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. He’s looking at you in awe, almost as if he doesn’t feel worthy enough to gaze upon you. He’s more than worthy, a fact which you have, on numerous occasions, tried to convince him of. But in his mind, no one is worthy enough for you – not even him. 

At last, you allow your gaze to fall on his pretty cock, hard as a rock and leaking already. The tip rests just below his belly button, curving just slightly and flushed red with need. 

“It hurts.” He tells you, lip sticking out in a pout. 

“I know, baby.” You say in sympathy, noting the way his entire body seems to tremble – tensed and eager to fulfill whatever command you give him. The power you hold over him in this moment makes your core weep and throb with want. 

You rip your dress over your head, tossing it to the floor before turning your attention back to Josh. His eyes have come to rest on your breasts, eyeing them through the lace of your bra. 

“You’ve been such a good boy tonight, Josh.” You praise, sliding backwards in the bed and leaning up against the pillows. “Can you be patient just a little longer for me?” 

“Anything.” He breathes out, hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. 

“I need you to make me cum, baby. And then I’ll give you whatever you want.” You spread your legs wide, allowing him to see the damp spot on your cotton panties. “Can you do that for me?” 

“Whatever you want, mama. I’ll make you cum. Wanna make you feel good.” 

“Come here, then.” 

The bed dips as he climbs onto it, crawling his way over to you and settling between your legs. He leans down, pressing his nose to your panties and inhaling deeply. Almost as if in a frenzy, he dips his fingers into the waistband and yanks them down your legs. You kick them off to the side, not even bothering to see where they went. 

Josh descends onto your cunt, licking a stripe up through your slick folds – drawing a loud moan from you. Expertly, he swirls the tip of his tongue around your clit, knowing exactly what to do to drive you absolutely crazy. Relentlessly, he swirls your swollen bud with his tongue, the feeling almost too much as he lavishes attention on you. His speed makes your eyes roll back in your head, his ministrations a mix between too much and not enough. 

You reach down and thread your fingers through the unruly curls on top of his head, tugging as he finally plunges his talented tongue into you. You whine and moan as he fucks you with it, his nose pressing into your clit perfectly. The sound of your wetness and his slurping is obscene – pornographic and loud in the otherwise silent room. He’s got both hands splayed on your thighs, and he groans into your cunt, sending delicious vibrations through you. 

Josh is nothing if not eager to please, and it doesn’t take long for the coil in your belly to tighten, warmth spreading through you at a rapid pace. 

“Fuck, just like that.” You command him, as he takes turns between suckling on your swollen clit and fucking into you with his tongue. “You’re so good, Josh. So fucking good.” 

He moans at your praise and the feeling sends you hurtling over the edge, drenching his face in your release as your entire body shakes with pleasure. 

Sitting up, you watch as Josh licks his lips. The light reflects on your juices that are smeared across his chin. 

“Fucking hell, you’re so good at that.” 

His eyes glimmer and he opens his mouth to retort but you interrupt him. 

“If you say ‘vocalist’s tongue’ one more time, I’m gonna slap you.” 

He grins, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. 

“You and I both know it’s true.”

“Come here, baby.” You say, beckoning for him to switch places with you. He crawls up to you and settles into the pillows, allowing you to toss one leg over his waist to straddle him. 

“Please, mama. I’ve been so patient. Please.”

“Yes, you have. You’ve been such a good boy. And what do good boys get?”

He takes a stuttering breath. 

“Good boys get a reward.” 

You nod at him, sliding downwards on his hips to settle between his legs, leaving a trail of your slick as you do so. 

“That’s right, Josh. And now you get yours.”

Slowly, you lick a stripe up his cock, tracing the vein that runs on the underside of him. You flick your tongue over the head, tasting the saltiness of his precum. He tosses his head back in response, mouth dropping open in pleasure. Delicately, you press a kiss to his tip, just barely pressing your tongue into his slit. He gasps, arching his back as his entire body tenses. 

“Fuck.” He stutters out, as you sink your mouth down around him. You swallow him down, relaxing your jaw and breathing through your nose as you allow him to hit the back of your throat. You press your tongue into him and hollow your cheeks as you start to bob up and down on him, taking him as deep as you possibly can. He really has been so good for you, and you want nothing more than to return the favor. 

Blindly, you reach out and find his hand, bringing it towards you to rest in your hair. Josh takes the hint, threading his fingers through it and guiding you down on him, allowing him to fuck into your mouth. 

Tears gather at the corners of your eyes and your jaw aches, but you persist, focusing on breathing through your nose as he seeks out his release. 

“Oh fuck, baby. Shit.” He whines through gritted teeth, eyes scrunched shut in pleasure. “Gonna cum. Feels so fucking good.” He tries to pull away from you, unwilling to allow himself to finish yet – no doubt wanting this to last longer. But you stop him by pressing your forearm over his hips, keeping him grounded as you start to bob your head again, this time taking him so deep that your nose presses into the soft hair at his base. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, I’m cumming!” His moans and wails are like music to your ears, and just like that he’s spilling down your throat. You greedily swallow it all down, before pulling off him with a lewd pop. 

“You sound so pretty when you cum.” You tell him, licking your lips. “You taste even better.” 

He blushes, suddenly bashful – just as he often becomes in the bedroom. For someone who normally seems so confident – and for someone who’s just had his dick down your throat, his shyness seems silly. But it's just another facet of Josh that makes you love him even more. His timidness is endearing, and is so specifically Josh that if you think about it too hard, you’ll start getting emotional. 

You sit up more, leaning upwards so that you can kiss him. He parts his lips, allowing you to slide your tongue into his mouth, exploring and tasting him. You remain there a moment, before detaching your lips from his, pressing hot kisses down his jawline that you love so much. 

“No marks.” He warns, turning his head up to give you access anyway. 

“You have a makeup team.” You say into his sweaty skin. “Plus, I don’t care if anyone sees. Want them to know who you belong to.” 

At that, you feel his cock twitch against your thigh, hardening again at your words. 

“Oh?” You say, sitting back on your haunches and grinning like the Cheshire Cat. “You like that? When I call you mine?” 

He whines, and his dark, lust-blown eyes gaze upon you – filled to the brim with renewed need and desire. 

“Yeah. So much, mama. M’all yours.” 

“I know you are.” 

You reattach your lips to his neck, kissing down the hollow of his throat before going lower. You wrap your lips around his right nipple, sinking your teeth into the delicate flesh and drawing a breathy moan from him. 

“Y/n?” He asks suddenly, his tone a little more serious than before. You stop, sitting up to look at his pretty face. 

“Yes, baby? Is something wrong?”

“No, no. I just-” He stops himself, biting his lip and you can see him battling with himself. 

“You know you can tell me anything baby.” 

“I know. I just don’t know how to say it.”  

You cock your head to the side, waiting. You don’t want him to feel pressured into speaking, but his trepidation is setting you on edge slightly. 

“I want-” he sighs, “I want you to fuck me.” 

Your eyes widen and a fresh wave of slick gushes from you. 

“I- are you sure?” You ask him, timid in the face of his own hesitation. 

“I’m sure. I’ve been wanting it for days, I just… I didn’t know how to ask for it.” 

“Oh, sweet boy.” You coo, swiping your hand over his forehead, brushing his sweaty curls off of his skin. “Is that what had you so worked up tonight? Wanting me to fuck you but you were too afraid to ask?”

He nods, closing his eyes in embarrassment. 

“Don’t ever be embarrassed over what you want. I’m more than willing to give it to you.”

He opens his eyes at you, and the look in his eyes is like nothing you’ve ever experienced before. 

“I want it, mama. I want it. Please give it to me.”

You see the change overtake him – like a switch has been flipped. Generally, the two of you switch up who’s in control depending on the day. And Josh’s neediness for you today had been nothing out of the ordinary. 

But right now, as he pleads with you to give him what he so desperately needs, there’s something more. It’s a headspace you’ve only seen him in once before – months ago when you’d first broached the topic with him. He’d asked you to finger him, timid and so afraid it had made your heart hurt. You’d obliged, and you’d assured him over and over that you weren’t put off by his desires. If anything, you enjoyed giving it to him more than he enjoyed receiving it. Afterwards, the two of you had gone online together to pick out a strap on that Josh liked. You’d kissed him all over and told him that you would enjoy anything so long as it gave him pleasure, and he’d hit the ‘order now’ button. It had arrived quickly, but had since remained untouched and unmentioned. Weeks passed without him saying anything, so you hadn’t said anything either – afraid to push him too far. 

But now, here he is, needy and desperate for it. He’s looking at you with complete trust, confident enough in your love for him that he’ll let you take care of him the way he needs it – absent of any judgment. Shaking yourself from your thoughts as you feel tears beginning to brim in your eyes, you lean over to the bedside table and open the top drawer. 

You pull the toy out, the glossy black plastic reflecting the dim light. Josh’s eyes track its movement as you bring it over to you. You flick your eyes to meet his, giving him one more chance to change his mind. 

“I’m sure.” He tells you, reading the unspoken question in your gaze. “Fuck me, mama. I want you to fuck me.” 

“Anything you want, baby.” 

With shaky hands, you slip into the strap – slow and deliberate as you secure it around yourself. Once it’s on, you slide the straps of your bra down, unclipping it and tossing it to the floor. 

Josh watches you, eyes dark and lips shiny with spit. His chest is flushed a gorgeous red and his golden skin glows with a thin sheen of sweat. As you turn your attention back to his face, he allows his legs to fall apart, leaving himself on full display for you. Your own breath catches in your throat at the sight – suddenly feeling overwhelmed at the beautiful creature that lays before you, open and completely trusting in you. 

You crawl up to him, the plastic cock bouncing obscenely as you move. You grab a bottle of lube from the nightstand and squirt a generous amount over your fingers. 

“You ready, Josh? For me to take care of you?” You whisper, settling between his thick thighs. 

He nods feverishly, chest heaving. 

Slowly, you circle his rim with your finger, messaging the tight ring of muscle. You study his face as you press one finger into him. The heat of him envelopes your mind in a lust-drunk haze, the breathy whine that falls from his lips makes your pussy clench around nothing. 

“Tell me if you want me to stop.” You tell him, carefully stretching him inch by inch. 

“Don’t stop!” He whines, mouth falling open as you add another finger. “God, don’t fucking stop.” 

You scissor your fingers in him, focusing on the sounds that fall from his pretty lips and on the way his facial expressions shift with each movement of your fingers. He’s beautiful like this, completely spread out for you as you prep him. 

“More.” He stutters out between heavy breaths, squirming and whining as you comply. 

“Fuck, you’re so pretty like this. So pretty for me, Josh.” 

The sight of him, awash and lost to pleasure is affecting you more than you thought it would, and you can feel your arousal dripping down your thighs. You want nothing more than to reach down and give yourself some relief, but you abstain – instead focusing all of your attention on Josh’s pleasure. Tonight, you want this to be about him. He’s always so giving in bed, and he deserves to be spoiled. 

You pull your fingers from him and he sighs at your absence. You wipe your fingers on the bedsheets before reaching for the bottle of lube. You coat the strap in it, wanting to ensure that he’s not uncomfortable at all. 

Glancing up at you through half lidded eyes, Josh whines quietly in his chest. 

“Fuck me, baby. Please. I’m so ready for it.” 

“Ssshhh.” You shush him, lining your plastic cock up with his entrance. “You don’t have to beg, sweet boy. I’m going to take care of you. You know I will. Just be patient.”

Finally, you slowly sink into him, and you bite back your own moan as his beautiful noises hit your ears. They’re breathy, practically a whine – needy in a way you’ve never heard from him before. You sink to the hilt and pause, allowing him to adjust to the stretch, still slightly afraid of hurting him or going too fast. 

He squirms beneath you, beginning to delicately rock his hips to meet yours, fucking himself lightly on your fake cock. 

“Move, mama. Need you to move.” He grips the sheets in his fists, hands clenched so tight that his knuckles have turned white. 

You oblige, beginning to rock your hips into him at a steady pace and he groans loudly in response. 

“Look at you.” You mutter, more to yourself than to him. He’s the most gorgeous thing you’ve ever seen. “Feel good, baby?” 

“Feels so good.” He moans, voice turning pitchy. You place your palms on the bed on either side of him, caging him in and bracing yourself to fuck into him harder. 

“Fuck, please touch me.” He begs you, eyes completely screwed shut. 

“Not yet, sweet boy. Be patient just a little longer longer. I’ll get you there.” 

Selfishly, you don’t want this to end yet. Seeing him like this, completely lost in the throes of pleasure – pleasure that you alone are giving him, is like a drug. His moans and whines are addictive, lighting a fire in your veins as you fuck into him without mercy. His cock is red and leaking, angry and neglected as it bobs between the two of you. You’ll relieve him soon enough, but you allow yourself a moment longer to revel in this feeling. 

You pull completely out of him for a moment, ignoring his groan of displeasure as you hook your palms behind his knees, pressing them up to his chest so that he’s practically bent in half. You thrust back into him, and the new position allows you to slip even deeper into him. You can’t feel it, but you can only imagine how tight he must feel. As soon as you bottom out again, Josh’s mouth hangs open in a silent scream. You’re almost afraid he’s in pain, but his hand suddenly shoots out and wraps around your forearm tightly – his fingers pressing into your skin harshly. 

“Fuck, baby, right fucking there. Holy shit.” His words suddenly begin to slur together and you assume that with the new position, the toy must be brushing against his prostate – if the noises he’s making are anything to go by. His tiny whines have morphed into loud moans, and you’re thankful that the walls are thick. He’s never been this loud before, and your own desire at the sound of him threatens to overtake you completely. 

“Fuck, harder, harder.” He chants as you piston into him, your entire body begining to shake at the effort with which your fucking him. 

“M’gonna cum. Fuck!” He all but screams, and suddenly he’s finishing, shooting ropes of cum all across his taut stomach. You watch in awe as he cums completely untouched, and his orgasm seems to go on forever. You still in him, allowing him to come down from his high and back to the land of the living. 

His eyes blink open at you and a dopey, fucked out smile spreads across his lips. 

“Fuck, Josh,” you sigh out, “that was… the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.” 

He just mumbles at you, leaning his head back to rest on the pillow. 

“Gonna pull out now, okay?” 

He nods, and you slowly pull out from him. He hisses at the feeling, and stretches out his legs. You unclasp the strap from your waist and place it on the nightstand, before reaching down to grab his boxers from the floor. You carefully clean him up, being careful to not overstimulate him. 

“Are you okay?” You ask him, concern washing over you as he just lies there with his eyes closed, chest heaving. 

“More than okay. Fuck. Thank you.”

“No need to thank me, baby. I love giving you what you want. Thank you for trusting me.”

“Always trust you.” He mumbles, sitting up and reaching for you. “Lemme return the favor, mama.” 

You swat his hand away and place your hands on his shoulders, pushing him backwards so that his back presses back into the pillows again. 

“Watching you was more than enough for me. Just want you to rest now.”

He frowns at you, but you just give him a soft smile before pressing your lips to his for a sweet kiss. 

“Another time, baby. Tonight was about you. Let’s go draw you a bath. How does that sound?” You rise from the bed, reaching your arms out to help him up. 

“Sounds nice,” He says tiredly. 

He goes to stand, but his knees buckle as soon as he tries to straighten. You quickly wrap your arms around his waist, helping him to carry his weight. You giggle. 

“Damn, you really did a number on me, huh?” He asks you through his own quiet laughter. 

“You were just so patient for me, baby. You deserved a reward.” 

-----------

If you're reading this, I love you! <3

Taglist:

@ignite-my-fire

@demolitionndann

@brujamagik

@mybussyinchrist

Let me know if you'd like to be added to/removed from my taglist 💗

[fixing-bad-posts]

Hey. You don't know me, but I wanted to thank you for doing this. I sometimes get trapped scrolling on discourse, and your posts always make me feel better & help me stop doom scrolling. Thanks for doing your silly(/pos) little edits <3

hello, thank you for such a sweet note!

doom scrolling and falling down discourse rabbit holes is—methinks—too easy these days, on social media apps designed/engineered to stoke anger and upset for ‘engagement’. besides which, we’re living in some pretty harsh times.

but in any case, i’m touched that my fooling around here helps in what way it does. bad takes are nothing but fodder for ridicule and found poetry, anyway!

well wishes, anon 💛

[savventeen]

hmm savv what would u do with mutual pining and woozi? :3c

daisy,,, beloved,,,,,,,,,, how dare you make me think about mutual pining w/ woozi ( /hj ) (i am already pining for him and thinking abt MUTUAL pining is going to drive me actually insane methinks g o d sdkjflskjdf)

ok so. SO. after vibrating in my seat and fantasizing abt lying down in the middle of the floor for the rest of time as i think about this concept, i have come to the following conclusion: mixtapes. and i mean in the classic "hey i made you this mixtape" sense

reader and jihoon are both producers for the same label and don't really interact that much at first. in fact, they don't actually even meet for the first time until soonyoung invites them both to his birthday party and they start talking shop, bonding over teasing soonyoung, and then ending the night with a promise to grab lunch together sometime.

fast forward a couple of months and they are officially Friends. they've managed to start a tradition of getting lunch together once a week and bitching about various work bullshit, and they've also started to hang out together in group settings after realizing they have more mutual friends as well

reader is the first one to send jihoon a song. it's a few hours after their weekly vent session, jihoon having taken up most of the time complaining about shitty higher-ups giving ridiculous deadlines and stuck-up idol wannabes trying to tell him how to do his job without having a clue about what his job actually is, and he gets a message from reader that says "i feel like this fits ur current mood" with a link to a song. [cw the song linked has a somewhat startling gun sound] he clicks on the link, curious, and then bursts out laughing after a few confused moments of listening bc that was NOT what he was expecting, at all

and that's how it starts, really. a few days later, he sends reader a song with the caption "how much u wanna bet soonyoung would choreograph something to this just bc it has the word 'tiger' in the title" / "no bet he absolutely would" / "ur no fun :P" / "sorry can't hear you i'm sending it to soonyoung as we speak"

pretty soon they're sending songs back and forth almost daily "what are ur thoughts on this" / "?? i don't speak french" / "and?" / "...ok yeah this is p good" "is this kinda close to the vibe you're trying to get for that one group you're working with?" / "not quite. but that's ok bc IM Vibin with this one" "i need u to stop whatever ur doing and listen to this with the bassist bass you can get with w/ ur setup" / "ok??" ... "holy shit" / "RIGHT?"

fast forward another couple of months, and reader shows up to jihoon's studio with a can of coke zero and a flash drive. "what's this?" / "this, my dear woozi-ssi, is going to be the solution to our creative blocks" and then reader goes on to explain their idea: they both have tracks that they're stuck on (personal, professional, or otherwise), and so they're gonna 'sisterhood of the traveling pants this shit' ('i literally have no idea what you're talking about'). aka: reader put some files they're having trouble with on this flash drive, and jihoon's gonna add any notes/ideas he has and then give it back with some of his own trouble files on it. rinse and repeat

and not only does it work ("ohmygod i've been trying to figure out that bridge transition for DAYS THANK YOU") but it also becomes Their Thing. like, they're used to collaborating with other writers/producers/etc bc it comes with the job, but something about this silly little flash drive... feels Special. [*cough*it's because they're catching Feelings*cough*]

tHIS IS GETTING SO LONG FUCK OKAY other things i would include in this fic: - one noticing the other has been working on a lot more love songs lately (or maybe a lot more Sad (read: pining) love songs) - reader has a bad day at some point and they end up losing the flash drive and they have a breakdown over it (jihoon comforts them and also helps them find it we love emotional hurt/comfort in this household) - scenes where they're individually waxing poetic about the other to different friends and the friends are like "bro. ur in love with them" "uh, no? they just have a great work ethic and a great taste in music also their lyricism is just—" "you. are. in. love." "i admire them professionally!

AND THEN THE CONCLUSION!! one of them decides to bite the metaphorical bullet and confess their Feelings. this could be either of them, but i'm gonna go with jihoon bc i can. so of course he can't just say "hey i love you" like a normal person, he has to confess through music. so he goes out and buys a new flash drive (with a really cute cover bc he knows they'd like it) and puts two folders on there. the first folder is full of instrumental files and is titled "all the times i couldn't find the words". and the second folder is titled "and all the times i could" and it's all love songs he's written inspired by/for reader

he sneaks into their studio and leaves the flash drive on your desk while you're in a meeting, and then he Waits and waits and waits some more until it's time to go home and it's been total radio silence and his heart feels like it's been crushed. so he starts to head home in the rain (bc i am a cheesy bastard and love rainy confession scenes) but after a few minutes of walking he hears shouting behind him and he turns to see you sprinting at him while screaming his name and before he can get a word out you're clutching his shoulders, soaked to the bone and asking "do you mean it? the songs, did— do you really mean it?"

and all he can do is nod because his heart still hasn't quite found its way back to his chest yet, and then he can't nod anymore because you're kissing him. you're kissing him, and he drops the umbrella he was holding and you're both kissing in the rain bc you're both obnoxious helpless romantics and "y/n-ah, i mean it— i mean it. i love you"

"i love you too, you stupid romantic bastard oh my god"

"hey, you're the one who started kissing me in the rain"

and it ends like the cheesy romcom this turned into bc i couldn't help myself and i need to lie down in a puddle of feelings now k thx

[send me a person and a trope/au and i'll tell you what kind of plot i'd write for them]

[feetoffire]

gp freestyle (individual medal finals). :)))))) much more stream of conscious-ness this time.

Sweden: Patrik Kittel on Touchdown. [Quaterback] i like the look of the Quaterback babies. they’re solid and short backed and are just kinda cool to see in a discipline full of big long horses. james bond music, huh? okay. froth and gape. the thing about doing this by watching replays is i’ve already heard about the blue tongue scandal, so i’m paying extra close attention to Touchdown’s mouth. oh piaffe pirouettes are cool. nice gaits. very quiet feeling test so far - probably helps that the temperature is down into the 60s (17C ≈ 62F). tempi ones are some of my favorites to watch. tight tight frame. saddle looks like it has wither clearance at least. i caught maybe a glimpse of the blue tongue?

Poland: Sandra Sysojeva on Maxima Bella. [Millennium] mare! she’s so pretty. and so young. it’s a little ridiculous to have an 8yo competing in gp dressage (espec olympic gp dressage!). froth and gape. nice gaits and nice open frame. very flashy on the front end, less so behind. the neck on this mare is just astounding. massive flex doing the final centerline with only one hand on the reins. curb rein is abandoned asap. i actually like this mare a lot

France: Pauline Basquin on Sertorius de Rima Z. [Sandro Hit] his tiny little stripe is really fucking cute. some froth, no gape. reasonably open frame. changing the collection of the trot to the tempo changes in the music is brilliant actually. loooooooove the extended canter down the centerline. way to make a statement! lots of pats for the boy on their way back. 

Finland: Emma Kanerva on Greek Air. [I.P.S. Gribaldi] froth. the instrumental versions she put together for their track are pretty fantastic. tight frame at best. gorgeous walk. the way the canterwork is put together is really intricate and finishing it out with the extended canter is clever. very technically fun freestyle, i wish she’d have let him out the tiniest bit more. he gets lots of praise as they leave. 

Austria: Victoria Max-Theurer on Abegglen FH NRW. [Ampere] champing already. froth. frame is too tight, methinks. he’s a big mover - and not pleased about the first piaffe. whatever classical music arrangement this is great; i know i heard some of the Hallelujah chorus in there, and i keep catching Mozart-sounding snippets. (yes i am a bit of a classical music nerd). lovely extended canter. he’s gaping now :( hyperflexed. Lots of praise after the last halt-salute. 

Sweden: Therese Nilshagen on Dante Weltino OLD. [Danone 4] froth. nice open frame as they come in. he’s got such big pretty gaits. gaping now. some of the instrumental stuff sounded like it came from Wicked? oh he was so happy about the canterwork and especially the extended canter! super fun freestyle.

[9w1ft]

how do you feel about gaylorism & kaylorism becoming mainstream?

personally i always preferred the comfort of being in a niched community that the general masses either don't know about or leave alone. nowadays i could be scrolling through some random social media post and suddenly see people mocking or ridiculing gaylors which intimidates me a great deal. not to mention the antis who invade and hog up the #gaylor #kaylor tags wrongfully and attack us at every opportunity.

other than that, i do think it's pretty cool to see gaylorism take off and receive subtle support from famous people including those in taylor's circles as well as get featured in prominent magazines, i will admit!

hmm… i guess i have mixed feelings

from one perspective, ive gotten to the point that i really dont associate myself with gaylors too much if at all, so this sort of criticism of gaylors actually doesnt stir up emotions in me 🙈 and outsiders that criticize kaylor rarely have cutting criticism… it always comes off like they have no idea what theyre talking about

though it is a little bit tough to see all these (what i would consider) off-base takes take off and spread like wildfire due to the nature of mediums and number of people we are dealing with. but as i think ive said before ive made my peace with it and actually think that its probably for the best for folklore to run rampant. thats part of that haze taylor talks about, methinks.

oh and to me with the way i see things and the way i blog, it all very much still feels niche ☺️ and i like it that way. im proud of the spot ive carved out.

of course, to speak from experience, it was a thrill for the eye theory to get covered by rolling stone tho, ngl 😁 its also fun seeing eye theory tweets get hundreds and hundreds of likes and tiktoks getting tens of thousands of views, and to know theres support outside this platform 🥰 when i see stuff like that, when i see there are so many people out there getting a little extra joy out of things, it makes me very happy and hopeful.

more importantly than all this, my mixed feelings come from when i think about the girls. i just hope that everything is only ever as mainstream as they want it to be 😌

[not-krys]

[Repost] Two Roads - Miri x Lucifer

Part of this set of WIP Wednesdays

Sometimes, you just gotta write up a good old-fashioned bicker-fest. It's good for the soul, methinks.

Raw, incomplete writing down below the cut. As stated above, Miri and Lucifer are arguing, but they're only doing this because they love each other, really. Inspired by Nightbringer Lesson 35 so spoilers for that and a lil reference to my other Miri/Luci fic Bittersweet

------------

Miri knew that she likely wouldn't survive this surprise train ride with Lucifer, one way or another. And Lucifer was going to get his way, regardless of her answers, she knew that as well.

If only she could tell him the truth. That she was from the future, that she was going back to him, to him and his brothers in the future, where she truly belonged. She had already sworn to secrecy with Solomon as it could disrupt the flow of this timeline's flow (or something, she still didn't understand a lot about time magic or time travel), but Lucifer was making it very difficult for her to keep her mouth shut. First at the bookstore with his declaration that she should be a teacher at RAD, then inviting himself along with the train trip tickets she had won, guaranteeing the two would be alone 'to talk', picking out an outfit for her to wear to dinner, and finally, the final straw, choosing for her at dinner without her input.

She probably should have taken a page out of the Anti-Lucifer's book and cursed him with how angry he was making her, but, for all of his… childishness, let's call it that, she knew why he was doing it and that made her eyes prick with unshed tears.

If only she could tell him the truth, maybe then he'd back off. He'd agree to the pact again and she could finally back home… back to him… back to her normal….back to the Lucifer she knew. Her Lucifer.

She looked down at her ring, his ring, feeling heartsick.

"You're not eating, Miri." Lucifer's deep, familiar voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Sorry, but not getting a choice in the matter has soured my appetite." She refused to look at him.

A sigh.

"Still angry, I see."

"And whose fault is it I'm angry to begin with?"

"And stubborn."

"Thanks, I learned it from the best."

"You're being ridiculous." she heard the sound of a knife scraping against a plate. "Just stay in Devildom. You can be happy here. You already are."

"I can't stay."

"Why not?"

"Because."

Another sigh.

"'Because' isn't an answer. Try again."

She finally turned to look at him, her brows furrowed. "Isn't wanting to go home enough of a reason?"

"Where is your home?"

"The… the human realm."

"You hesitated."

"So?"

"You had to think of the answer. It wasn't the first thought that came to your mind, was it?"

"What does it matter? I'm a human, so that means I'm from the human realm, duh."

"Where is your home in the human realm?"

"It's… it's a big realm."

"Is it now?"

"Yes. You probably haven't heard of it."

"You're dodging the question."

"Why do you want to know? Are you going to going to follow me home?"

"As tempting as that sounds, you can't return without my help. And you still haven't answered me."

"Yes, I have."

"Miriam…"

"I want to go back to the Human Realm. What else is there to know?"

"Where is this place in the Human Realm that you want to return to so badly?"

"Why does it matter so much to you?"

"You're still not answering me."

"You're not answering me!"

"Fine, let me ask a different question." He held out his fork towards her, close to her mouth.  "The people you want to return to. What are they like?"

"What are they-"

"They must be special to you. So, tell me about them. You've told me about this bitter coffee lover in your life. Let's start with him."

Miri, startled by the sudden question, didn't notice that Lucifer had slid a piece of his bicorn into her mouth until she started to chew. She looked at the Ring of Light again, lost in thought. 

"At first, he was pretty scary. Intimidating. I was a stranger to him that was imposed onto his family, but he tolerated me. That's how it started anyway."

Miri pressed her fingers close to her right ear, where Mammon's pact was. The lines were invisible when she wasn't actively using her pacts, but she always got a slight tingle when she thought of the brothers.

"And I was… nothing but trouble for him. Sticking my nose in where I shouldn't and all that. Sounds familiar, doesn't it?"

[kafkaoftherubble]

Ok I read your latest response and I can't write a super long response now cause I'm in the car (expect one in maybe 5-6 hours) but I just wanna say, the Volker becomes a dragon joke caught me really off guard.

When I say he becomes a god, I mean he kills 2 gods (the god of the people and the god of intelligence and wisdom) and absorbs their powers :3 he adopts some physical features like glowing eyes, being physically larger, physical strength and so on but he certainly does not become a dragon, it'd be silly though lol

I also feel like intsys would not be able to do dear emperor justice cause their games are a little more anime-ish and silly, but square enix could absolutely do it :3

So not a dragon but some... JRPG Last Boss kinda thing?!

Eh, just make "dragon" a frame of mind, and voila! I mean, Fire Emblem has not been about a symbol of fire or something since I don't know when anyway. It's whatever the hell their imagination can push by this point!

Not all Fire Emblem was silly (anime, though? Yea. Kinda!), methinks. I mean, there is FE4. And while anime, I hardly think FE13 was silly either. The one with Ike was pretty serious too, I think? Fire Emblem is kinda just... two-headed this way. It's a conjoined twin dragon with one ridiculous head and one serious-storytelling head. We just never seem to know which head is taking control for the next game.

Though I agree that Square Enix will be a much safer guarantee, I actually want Int Sys to do it because,

I simply love Fire Emblem's mechanisms and gameplay. Triangle Strategy was fun, but the gameplay was fucking frustrating for a lot of parts (I have migraine every night when I spent hours on one single chapter. Yea it's because I suck at my hobby—nothing new there). Getting more range when you're at a height but at decreased accuracy as an archer is hella good though.

I love Fire Emblem and want it to become a storytelling powerhouse on the side. I don't want it to be stupid and/or ridiculous the likes of Fire Emblem Engage and Fire Emblem Heroes (there, I said it) and Fire Emblem Fates. At least, I don't want it to be ridiculous for the majority of its titles, haha!

The reason why I want Fire Emblem to adapt a story like Dear Emperor is because I don't think "anime" is the reason why it can't be serious. Anime is just its art style or art direction or even, if they wanna, its presentation. But it's not a story limiter by any means.

When it's being "ridiculous," Fire Emblem has a lazy story problem, methinks. It relies on tropes; it's this factory churning out pre-made 2D waifus and husbandos, and then customizing it a bit for the latest theme.

Since I think what FE lacks is a good story, and what you have right there is a gripping, intriguing story befitting a medieval setting... This, to me, is just giving the right socket adapter for a phone at 1% belonging to a traveler stranded in a foreign country. It's the thing that traveler needs the most to do all the other things they want to do.

[yuriwarrior]

"I've seen stuff with tanya too, but it's especially insidious due to the racism + the way people masculinize black women." - lord, don't even get me started on Tanya. I could write a short essay about how the fandom showed its entire ass when she was revealed. The amount of think pieces about how she was supposedly "ugly now" or "woke" (how can a character look woke,but okay) or "looked like a man".

It's almost as if she was visibly shouting at someone in her trailer. Of course her face contorted.......because she's emoting. I've never seen anyone who looks pretty mid screaming match. Her MKX model was a busted,unpolished mess (and whitewashed to boot),but no one had any smoke for her then, other than a "oh,she'll probably be fixed before release as DLC" , which did happen. So why was she given no grace this time around?

Methinks it's because she looks unambiguously black this time around and people can't pretend that she's a more "exotic" ethnicity(which is a separate convo on its own merit) for their entertainment(or fetish,depending on who you're talking to). There's also the fact that she's a raging sapphic (using sapphic because her sexuality's not confirmed in this timeline) and people don't like that too much either.

(Plus,it's so obvious that her Brazilian DLC look was inspired by Ludmilla, a black,queer Brazilian performer. They're not trying to be subtle with any of the references to black pop culture that inspired this version of Tanya.)

God forbid her character actually show emotion, and how that scene from the trailer was shown mid-sentence too. Of course, a screenshot of it will look odd.

Also the outrage felt so ridiculous to me cus it's CLEAR from previous iterations (except mkx) that's she's black. Like look at her in mk4.

And yeah. The mkx design draws heavily from cleopatra, and it doesn't help that her skin was lightened + her ethnic features were changed. Feels weird that some fans switch up so fast, considering any mk fan who's played anything that has her other than mkx would know mkx is the outlier and not the other way around.

I was unaware about Ludmilla's influence on her design! Thanks for sharing that. But yeah, unfortunately people suck. The racism and homophobia is disappointing.

[liopleurodean]

Season 10, Episode 8: Hibbing 911

Okay, so this is like a cop procedural

Buddy is ridiculously proud for something made with stencils

Spooky

Nice

Hi, Jody!

Yikes

Uh huh

Donna!

Something like that

This is fantastic

Whoa!

YIKES

Yeah, it sure looks like it

OH MY GOSH

WEREWOLF TRANSGENDERISM

I FOUND IT

This is the best line ever

Of course not

He is not a public speaker

Dude. Tacky

Ouch

That's fantastic

Aw, Alex!

That's sweet

Gee, what a coincidence

That's a case

This is gonna be fun

Ew, Sam has an iPhone

Yeah, it's been a while

Good for her!

Alright then

You sure?

Love you, too

Dean.

Yikes

Exactly!

Ouch

Nice

This is awesome

I doubt that

Right...

Dude.

Rip this guy

So the monster is some kind of vigilante?

Mimic

Poor guy

They're not gonna help much

A situation

Nah

Donna. Let him go

Indeed

Not anymore

Good idea

Not even close

Jody's gonna make a call or two of her own, methinks

Oh boy

Oh, Donna, no

Maybe

Touche

Such a rebel!

Sounds like fun

I love the Jackles version of this song

Hello, boys!

Leather?

Hi, Donna!

Absolutely

I love her

Suspicious

This is great

Right

Yup

Kid needs an attitude check

Well that's sloppy

Ew

Oh, Dean...

Be proud, Sam

It's so small, though

Probably better than you

Go away, Doug

Dude! Sexual harassment!

Go off, Jody!

Hah! Can't take the heat he dishes!

Jody's right, Donna

Ooh, don't go there

Bad memories

Right...

Good idea

What are those even for?

Ah, flattery--it gets you everywhere

Yup

That's suspicious

Spooky

Those are vampire fangs!

So Sheriff Cuse is definitely the monster

Oh, Donna...

Right...

Of course

That sounds awesome

Awesome

Honey, you can trust the Winchesters

Slow down, Donna

Here we go

No, that was a good choice

Dang it, Sam

The Winchesters have this

The boys need one of those

Sunscreen. Some kind of vampire variant?

Ooh, good thinking!

Hey, boys!

WHAT THE CUSS I love Donna

Have fun

Donna is me

Yeah, well

Did that say Cripple Creek?

IT DID

That's a song reference

Wild

Nah

Aw, Jody

That's fair

Machete time

Necks don't cut nicely

This feels too easy

There it is

It's not him

There's the rest of the nest

Aw, come on, the homeless girl?

No thanks, he's tried that drug already

There's the belt stealing

Why?

Yikes

Good for you

Sure

Sounds about right

Good job, Donna

As far as he could go

Come on, Dean

Okay then

Good for him

Rip Sheriff Cuse

There we go

It's okay, Dean and Donna can handle it

Fair

I love them

That's... pretty awesome

Sam. Don't push it

Yeah

I'm not gonna think about this in the context of 15x20. I'm not

That's fantastic, Sam

Happy endings!

Dean...

Hi, Baby!!!

[cynistine]

I.... have so much packing to do. Like, the overall amount I have to pack is honestly not that much, as I’m just taking what little shit I have (as well as some household things) with me to my boyfran’s. But la problem is: I only have, like, a day and a half to do so.

[livefromcastledracula]

Some more notes for today:

As a long time book reader, all of the fanart popping up where Dracula actually looks like Dracula is so vindicating, I can't put it into words.

Lucy, dear, no, that's not how Othello....Lucy, no.

And here we have the first major blip of what we're going to call "Stoker grinds the story to a stop to have his otherwise pretty well-written (for male-authored Victorian fiction) female characters lecture themselves about how men are the superior sex."

I'm probably giving him too much credit but it's so effing jarring it feels like a 'methinks thou dost protest too much'; he gets the women in the novel approaching transgressive or feminist subjects and then frantically reiterates their adherence to Socially Acceptable in case the Gentle Victorian Reader think less of them.

John and Quincey's introductions just hit me right. Compared to a lot of other fiction-of-the-day I find Stoker's characters are very broad-strokes but they're memorable in ways many of his contemporaries aren't. Jack fumbling around and nearly sitting on his hat and Quincey's ridiculous hammed-up Texanisms with a splash of heart-melting sincerity are just such silly, humanising moments for these dudes.

I have my problems with the 1992 film but I will forever stand by the casting for Lucy's trio:

[twilightofthe]

Obi Wan Kenobi Show Liveblog: Part III

Here we go starting TWO HOURS LATE because my stupid ass fell asleep trying to stay up for it

i fell asleep listening to my chemical fucking romance how the fuck does one fall asleep to MCR they are not a lullaby band xD

lskdjflsdkfk ANYWAY starting now

ahhh sir you’re as beautiful as the day i lost you (five days ago)

sorry i just love his face

and his voice

and him

just him

skdfjlsdkfk i forgot Reva shish kebabed G Quizzy

EHEHEHEHEEEE TIME FOR ANAKIN AND PAIN

AWWWW HE’S ASKING QUI GON FOR “WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO WHEN THE FRIEND I THOUGHT I KILLED ISN’T AND IS A SITH LORD”

only pain will you find ahahA YEAH THANKS YODA

HELL YEAH MAGICAL ROBOT GIRL TRANSFORMATION

HERE HE IS HERE’S MY STINKY BOY MY STINKY GARBAGE BOY

and WHAT AN ENTRANCE ok fine Anakin you did always know how to make it dramatic

lksdjfklsdfk “i don’t give a FUCK if anyone else died where’s Obi Wan” Anakin you’re the WORST i love you

THAT’S NOT HOW THE FORCE WORKS HAHA

yes obi wan teach anakin’s daughter about the force YESSSSSSSS

how does it feel when you turn on the light OOOOOOOOOF ;_:

AND HE FIXED THE DROID HE HATED SO MUCH FOR HER

ok now where tf are they this isn’t Alderaan

Kinda looks like Kessel?

Eh, a mining system, I was close!

*snorts* Obi Wan in full grieving crisis right now still trying desperately to be nice to Leia

WHT THE FUCK WAS THAT

WHO THE

IS THST ANAKIN

IS HE HAVING ANAKIN VISIONS HE’S FUCKING FLOATINHG

AAAAAAAAAAAA

Oho so the Inquisitors have their own fancy base or something?  Pff that’s cute

HELL YEAH REVA PULL RANK UR VADER’S FAVE AND HE KNOWS IT EVERYONE KNOWS IT

ok mr fifth brother just look forward to rebels yeah?

aight but that’s kinda ridiculous they’re sending out three probes for who knows how many systems?

lskdfjlsdkfk Obi Wan snappy and stressed and Leia’s just like “don’t worry I got you sweetie I’ll get us back”

leia i KNOW your parents told you not to talk to strangers you are a liiiittle too trusting methinks xD

either that or she’s just using her Force sense to read vibes

hmmmm mole man sounds familiar

obi wan dumbass put ur hood up around the troopers (tho i guess that could make them look suspicious)

damn leia you’re good

DAMN OBI WAN YOU’RE NOT

ehehehehe you see her mother’s or father’s face

AWWW SHE’S GIVING OUT PERCEPTIVE PADME VIBES

hoohoohoohooHOO WE GOT THOSE OBIANIDALA VIBES GOIN’ NOW BABES

Awwwww adopted kid bonding!!!!!

hmm i’m guessing he’s in no state for a mind trick right now!

aw fuck YEAH we stan a guy who can kick ass

he’s so hooooooooot

ohohoho PRETTY SECRET SYMPATHIZER LADY

awwww baby leia noooo don’t cry

ugh i like this pretty lady but i feel like she’s gonna be murdered by inquisitor

hhhhh someone on tumblr has to translate that aurebesh

AAAAAAH ARE WE GONNA GET A QUINLAN CAMEO?!?!?!??!?!?!?!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

NED is a cutie and I love him

sldkfjsdlkfsdk literally everyone knows who Obi Wan is on first glance

HOOHOOHOOOOOO HE’S GOT VISION FEELS, IS THAT VADERRRRR??????

IT IS IT IS IT IS IT IS IT IIIIIIIIIIS

HERE HE IS THE MAIN BITCH STRAIGHT OUT OF HELL

Ehehehehehe Obi Wan’s horrified face upon looking at the suit is so *kisses fingers* THE ANGST

lskdfjslkdk never mind pretty lady’s gonna get murdered by VADER because he kills everyone and Obi Wan can’t have nice things

ANAKIN STOP MENACING THE LOCALS AND KILLING CHILDREN

obi waaaaaaan u dumbass

he can’t look awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

I’m still mad they’re meeting in person ngl but I do still so love seeing my boys interact!

ugh here we go

let’s hope it’s good

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEHEHE HERE’S HIS LIGHTSABER

I AM WHAT YOU MADE ME jesus christ you can even hear the pure boiling rage in his voice through the vocorder

lol nvm Tala is gonna get killed by Reva xD

aight obes i get you’re in panic mode but HOW did you let mr tall dark and wheezy sneak up on you like that

awwww goodbye pretty lady, at least you get a hug from Leia before you die xD

hmmMMMM?  REVA BACKSTORY???  She was a Jedi!!!!!

alsdfjlskdfksd HE’S TRYING TO BURN HIM LIKE HE WAS BURNED JESUS FUCK ANAKIN

aw yay at least Tala saved him first!

oh goddammit Reva xD

Leia’s gonna bite her hand I know it

WELL THIS EPISODE OF STAR WARS WAS FUCKING RUDE TO ME PERSONALLY FUCK Y’ALL

[toss-a-coin-to-your-stan-account]

A scene where Jaskier is getting drunk as a skunk when Yennefer shows up by his table. And he decides to confide to her but makes her promise not to tell Yennefer. She agrees to see when he’s going with this and he drunkenly rambles about how great she is. “But don’t tell Yennefer she’ll turn me to a toad. I’m too pretty to be turned into a toad!” Yennefer pats his silly head.

THIS IS SO CUTE! One-shot incoming!

--

"...And she's just soooo lovely!" Jaskier rambled about one Yennefer of Vengerberg, completely unaware that the beautiful lady he'd been blathering to, leaning drunkenly on her shoulder, was the very same witch he'd been going on about. His not recognizing Yennefer came not from any unusual glamour or shape-shifting - no, Jaskier was just that drunk.

"Oh, is she now?" Yennefer played along, leaning her head to the side as she looked at the far-beyond-tipsy bard. She hadn't expected Jaskier to start blabbering drunkenly about her right to her face, but when he told her not to tell Yennefer about what he was going to say - "Don't tell Yenny. Orrr tell Geralt, 'cuz then he'll tell Yenny! A big mess, that would be." he'd said - Yennefer decided not to make any effort to tell Jaskier who exactly she was talking to. Drunk words are sober thoughts after all, and the mage was curious.

(And quite frankly, she wasn't quite sure if she could convince Jaskier that it was her in front of him, or rather, at his side as he leaned against her shoulder, but this narrator digresses.)

But she expected to hear bardly insults and drunken digs at her that he hadn't said to her face yet, not the praise pouring out of his mouth right now.

"Mhm! Her hair is so smooth and silky, and I just looove when moonlight shines off of it. And her eyes! Oh, the most vibrant of amethyst!" Jaskier said, shaking his head to try to get his hair off his face. He following his praise with a hiccup and a giggle.

"And her voice is sooo nice to listen to! It's even prettier than mine, and that's saying alot!" He continued. Yennefer held back a petty remark - "I don't think it says much at all, really." She might have said. - that might have led him on to realize who he was talking to. She liked listening to him sing her praises. Or rather, blather them drunkenly.

"Is it? Hm?"

"Ooooh, yes it is!" Jaskier said with raised eyebrows, as if it was the most urgent of statements to confirm. "Even when she's being mean, it sounds like heaven! I quite like when she's mean, actually. It's sexy. But when she's sweet..."

He twirled his finger around the rim of his pint, staring at the splash of ale that still remained.

"...I really like that too. It's adooorable. But... methinks she'd curse me if I told her." Jaskier said, sounding more disappointed in how he thought he could never say these things to her than he was scared at the possibility of a curse.

"I don't think so, darling." Yennefer assured him. Jaskier only shrugged with a hum.

"...I wanna marry 'er someday, y'know. But I can't."

Yennefer couldn't believe what she was hearing. She wouldn't have been able to if he was sober, she thought, but hearing it while the bard was drunk off his ass made it all but incredulous.

Still, she smiled, smitten.

"Well, why ever not? I don't know of any laws forbidding the union of mages and bards."

Jaskier, as drunk as he still was, seemed almost shocked by such a question, as if it were incredulous. To the inebriated bard, it apparently was.

"How could I? She's incredible! Glorious! How could I ever get down one knee and ask her for her hand in marriage? To spend the rest of her life with me of all people?"

"Oh, you of all people?" She egged on.

"Yes, ridiculous, isn't it? I'm sitting here, all... drunken-like," He gestured to himself and his pint in a way that was little more than just waving his hand around in front of him. "And she's probably off somewhere doing something amaaazing, like killing a monster, or using some spell to take some dickbag mage's cock off his body, or something. Something phenomenal, just like her."

He laughed softly to himself.

"Sheee's a, sheee's a laaady..." he sang to himself, "and Iiii am juuust a baaard..."

Oh, no. He was drunk-singing now - a clear indicator that it was high time for him to retire.

Yennefer scooted out of the booth, much to Jaskier’s dismay as he lolled to the side.

“I think you’ve had enough, bard.” She gently urged, holding out her  hands, “Come on, I’ll take you upstairs.”

“Oooohoohoohoohoooooh!” Jaskier huffed his usual indecorous laugh. “No, no, no, Madame! I will not bed with you! My love belongs to another, did you not hear me just now?”

Yennefer tilted her head, holding back an exasperated huff. Wow, he really was drunk off his ass.

“Not to bed you, to take you to your room. Your Witcher’s been waiting for you since he came back from his hunt.”

Jaskier raised his eyebrows a bit and nodded, seeming to recognize such circumstances.

“Ooooh, right, right, yeah.” He nodded as he put his hands in her outstretched ones. “Your hands... they’re soft like hers.”

Yennefer pulled him to his feet, “I try.”

Jaskier was indeed plenty intoxicated, so she wrapped an arm around his waist and started guiding him upstairs.

“Oooh, handsy!”

“I’m not handsy.” she huffed as she continued to take him up, “Just making sure you don’t fall on your arse.”

“So cold...” Jaskier mumbled as he hung his head, “Just like my darling witch.”

“I’m not surprised.” she told him as she found the room Geralt had rented for himself and Jaskier. He couldn’t think her a stranger for too much longer, could he?

Before she knocked on the door, the drunken bard spoke up again.

“Remember, you can’t tell Yennefer what I said. Nooo, no no!” He reminded her as he brought a finger up.

“Don’t. Tell. Yenny.” He booped her nose with each word.

Yennefer was passive to the pokes to her nose; such must have insured, to the inebriated musician leaning against her, that this stranger could not have been Yennefer, for Yennefer would have cursed his member to a thimble’s size if he’d tried to tap her on the nose like that.

“Otherwise,” his eyes widened, “She might turn me into a toad. I’m too pretty to be a toad!”

Yennefer, still endeared by the bard (he was plenty adorable when he was sober, but he’d been especially amusing in this drunken state), brought up a free hand and pat his head.

What a silly, silly bard he was.

“You won’t have to worry about that.” She assured him.

Jaskier nodded, which was more or less just his head lolling back and forth at this pont.

“Aaalright, if you say so.” He accepted as he started to nod off against her side, using her head more or less like a pillow. Yennefer grunted under the weight as Jaskier, quickly blacking out, started to slip into unconsciousness. She moved her free hand to knock on the door of Geralt’s room.

Melitele’s tits, Jaskier was heavy.

She heard footsteps approach the other side of the door until the room’s current, Witchery inhabitant opened it. Geralt stood there, armor having just been removed, looking at the two with a raised eyebrow.

“Geralt, your bard’s drunk.”