#girl came out during a time where like. idk i related to 'girl'. i still do

[milfmerlin]

the internet will never heal and its because they never turned back and accepted me!me!me! as an art piece over "that weird anime mv i saw once". and if you haven't watched me!me!me! go watch it (if you're an adult) its just a particularly lengthy music video. go listen its sequel song "GIRL" as well

[matan4il]

Update post:

Yesterday, there were no less than two terrorist attacks against Israeli civilians, one in the morning, and one in the evening.

The first one happened in Beersheba, where the terrorist stabbed and injured two people before being neutralized. The terrorist was an Israeli Bedouin, who had been convicted of drug-related criminal charges. The prosecution asked for his arrest, but the court decided to be lenient, to aid in his rehabilitation, and instead only sentenced him to community service. He was due to start in two weeks, but instead he chose yesterday to attack innocent civilians.

The second terrorist attack took place in Gan Yavne. A Palestinian man, who used to have a work permit in Israel, but lost it and remained here illegally, carried out the attack. The Palestinian terrorist started stabbing people at a gym and then at a nearby cafe, wounding 3 people, all of them originally determined to be in serious condition, one is a teenager, the other two are reported to have life threatening head injuries. The terrorist was 19 years old, and he was neutralized at the scene. In investigating how he managed to stay inside Israel illegally after his work permit had expired, the police has arrested two people so far.

Israel has wrapped up its second operation at the Shifa hospital in Gaza City, with another soldier pronounced dead (20 years old Nada Cohen), bringing the IDF fatalities in the Gaza ground operation so far to 256, and the total number of killed Israeli soldiers in this war, including during the Hamas massacre (reminder that some of those soldiers were girls serving in non-combative posts, without combat training or even a weapon, and were slain while still in their pajamas) to 600.

The end of one operation in a Gaza hospital doesn't mean that's the end of Hamas abusing medical and humanitarian facilities, so there are and will be more such operations. That's why I'm also sharing this reminder that nothing is sacred or even just... off limits to Hamas, who moved kidnapped civilians in ambulances, as one of the released hostages testified.

I mentioned in a post expressing my frustration over foreigners' ignorance over the conflict, which doesn't stop them from acting like they know better than the people actually living it, the Hamas-Fatah "civil war," which erupted in 2007, when Hamas killed Fatah members in Gaza and took over the place. The two Palestinian factions have tried reconciliation several times over the years, but it never lasted long. Israel's war in Gaza against Hamas and its fellow terrorists organizations is not over yet, but already there's signs of that tension. This def bodes well for Palestinians if Hamas survives this war.

A city council meeting in California, which dealt with Holocaust remembrance, ended up being the scene of some despicable displays of antisemitism in its anti-Zionist form. IDK what was most distressing to hear about, the way they screamed "Lies! Lies!"' at a Holocaust survivor, or that they took and threw to the ground the phone of a Jewish man who came to speak about his grandma who had survived the Holocaust, or that they mocked a mother speaking of her child being harassed at school to the point he doesn't wanna be a Jew, because he doesn't want to be hated... Maybe that they made my friend, who attended the meeting, cry on what was supposed to be a very special day. I saw coverage on Israeli TV of the city council, which both told me how bad it was, if of all things, that's what they're talking about, and at the same time, it was nothing like hearing about it from her. So I'm glad that she shared some of her own impressions about this ugly demonstration of hatred (I'm also scheduling her post for a reblog). I just hope Jews all over the world know that we here in Israel care about you, we love you, we are standing by your side, and we wish we could do more for you. <3

Speaking of antisemitism, and an inability to recognize it as such, to call it out and condemn it, here's some recent examples from around the world. In Spain, the locals went out for an Easter drink, a tradition called, "to kill the Jews," but insisted it's not racist. Attacking and even killing Jews actually was customary in Europe on Christian holidays such as Christmas and Easter. In fact, this specific nickname is derived from those old attacks.

In London, a policeman insisted that swastikas being displayed at an anti-Israel protest were not antisemitic, and should be taken "in context," despite admitting that a symbol that's abusive or would cause public distress would fall under his jurisdiction to act against.

In the Netherlands, a single mom of a Jewish girl was attacked for the daughter's choices (she decided to move to Israel and has served in the Israeli army) both at home and at her workplace, a hospital. The mother was so rattled after the attack at her home, that she wouldn't stay there. A Jewish hotel owner offered her a free stay at his hotel. In an interview with an Israeli reporter, the mom said she's considering moving to Israel, too (source in Hebrew).

This is 32 years old Celine ben David Nagar.

She worked as an office manager at a law firm, was married to Iddo, and they had a 6 months old baby together. On Oct 7, Celine was on her way with a friend to the Nova music festival, but they never made it there. The Hamas rocket attack started first. For 10 days, she was considered missing, and it took a while, but eventually they found her body. While her fate was still unknown, two days after the massacre, Iddo went on TV and talked about the fact that Celine was still breastfeeding. Following the interview, hundreds of Israel women volunteered to donate their mother's milk to the little baby girl. At Celine's funeral, Iddo asked said goodbye to his wife, and asked hr to watch over him and little Eli from above.

May her memory be a blessing.

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[doobea]

DAYTIME SHOOTING STAR - REO MIKAGE

synopsis: Being a college student sucks. Having a crush on your best friend also sucks. Your best friend having a crush on your other best friend is . . . kinda the worst. In which, Reo is hopelessly in love with you but you’re hard crushing on Nagi.

-> MASTERLIST.

contents: reo centric, second lead syndrome feat. fem!reader & reo, heavy narration, also in an au where bluelock never happened LOL, starts from past -> present day, mentions of unrequited confessions, country farmgirl!reader -> stem major in college, insert anime cliche of riverbanks and convos about falling in love, kinda proofed word count: 4K (HUH??) a/n: i wrote this while listening to shoujo openings - lets try and find a song suited for these two (eventual) lovebirds, shall we? 'mini-series' my ass idk why the first chap came out so long??? whoops.

SUMMER TRIANGLE -> next.

Reo can’t pinpoint the exact moment he fell in love with you. 

He thinks it starts all the way back when you first transferred to Hakuho during his second year. 

You were a quiet country girl whose parents had just moved to the big city all due to your father’s new job. And it was painfully obvious that it was your first time experiencing anything remotely ‘fancy’ when you came to school the first day. At the time, you were still wearing your old high school uniform, saying something about shipping getting delayed. Your skirt came almost all the way down to your ankles, your sweater vest had loose threads sticking around the edges, and your shirt still carried its creased marks. 

To anyone in that school, you looked like an eyesore. Whispers about your family’s net worth, your relationship with the school’s faculty, and whether or not you cheated your way through the entrance exam began circulating.

From the moment you stepped inside the class, Reo knew you would get hell from the nation’s young elites. Reo thought by the end of the first quarter you would’ve dropped out and transferred to another school. 

The first few months were rough, from what he observed. No one wanted to partner up with you for group projects, students would try to misplace your assignments, harsh messages were marred onto your desk earlier mornings before you arrived, and your gym clothes always went missing. But you stayed awfully silent, didn’t complain much, and quickly made yourself known to be the “weird, quiet farm girl”. Reo thinks everyone left you alone after you managed to score top ten in the class during finals week, despite the harassment. Still, even after all of that, no one bothered talking to you like normal and moved on to the next hot topic as if you were a dying trend. 

Reo didn’t get the chance to talk to you much that year but, safe to say, he was pleasantly surprised to see you again the following semester. Instead of sitting all the way in the back of the classroom, you were seated by the windows. And the empty desk next to you? It was his.

Carefully, Reo placed his bag down on his desk, trying his best not to disturb whatever book you’re currently nose-deep in, and cleared his throat.

“Hi, I’m Reo Mikage,” he introduced himself and was taken aback when you stared at him with wide eyes, mouth slightly agape. He figured it was because he was one of the first to genuinely say anything to you without any malicious intent behind his words.

As you softly mumbled back your name, the gentle cadence as it escaped your lips, coupled with the swift turn of your head towards the window, Reo couldn't help but be enthralled by how soft your features looked in the sunlight. You’ve always kept your appearances simple, trying to not shine too much otherwise the other students would start talking again but, for some reason, all of that made Reo drawn to you more.

While you were deskmates, the two of you didn’t talk much outside of classroom-related topics. And it was always him starting the conversations, not that he minded. Him being close friends with Nagi, who was also a social outcast, made Reo slightly more curious about you ever since the new semester started. But you kept your distance, for obvious reasons. So, after a while, he reached out to you only out of necessity. 

Fast forward two months and Reo is found slipping a party invitation on your desk. Well, not specifically yours, but everyone’s desks. Word of his father’s business migration with another classmate’s family company spread like wildfire before journalists had the chance to write up a meaningless article and Reo was forcefully instructed to invite his entire class to celebrate for the occasion. 

So he did. 

And, of course, everyone and their parents decided to show up. There were a few students that he didn’t recognize, probably snuck in through bribery or faked the invitation — not that he ultimately cared. There were more than a handful of mothers who had proudly flaunted themselves at his father and more than a dozen other student’s fathers trying to network with Reo. 

At seventeen, Reo told himself that this was something he should’ve gotten used to by now, but it honestly felt horribly embarrassing every time. Reo blocked out the comments about the lack of ‘fancier food’ and ‘decor’ in his own home and retreated upstairs to his bedroom with Nagi trailing not far from behind.

“How long do you think they’re staying for?”

“Hm?” Nagi briefly looked up from his phone, eyes focusing on Reo’s perplexed expressions as he lay in bed. The male shifts around in Reo’s office chair and taps away at his device with a shrug in response. “Dunno, when the food and drinks run out maybe?”

Reo ran a hand through his hair, brows furrowing more as sounds from outside gradually grew louder. “This always ends up happening and I don’t understand why can’t he find a reception hall to throw this.” He paused, listened closely to the voices and conversations, and scoffed. “Do you know what they’re saying right now, Nagi?”

“Ah,” Nagi frowned as a deflated noise emitted from his phone, indicating he lost a match. He went into another queue and bounced his leg against the floor in waiting. “No, what are they saying out there?”

“That they think I’ll be together with Rika by the end of this year.” Reo launched his body upright at the thought, lips pursed tightly. 

Again, Nagi doesn’t bother looking up. He just landed in a new match. “That heiress? Doesn’t seem like your type.”

“Since when do you know anything about types, Nagi?” Reo was half expecting Nagi to say something dumb relating to those terrible romance novel games that he sometimes plays. 

The other male shrugged again, eyes flicking up this time. “Just doesn’t seem like it, that’s all.”

“You—”

The conversation abruptly ended with a single swing of the door. The door frame nearly collided with Nagi's face, accompanied by a high-pitched yelp. Reo had invited the whole class, but this was one of the people he hadn’t really expected to show up.

You were almost unrecognizable. Hair straightened, over blushed cheeks, a lipstick color that was too mature on you. The dress you wore hugged awkwardly to your sides and the height from your heels seemed to be too tall for you to maneuver around. From one glance, he knew you were uncomfortable.

You clung to the door handle, attempting to steady yourself, evident signs of mortification settling in. “S-Sorry, I was looking for the bathroom.”

Those words almost sounded foreign to Reo. The only times you’ve spoken to him were in curt, stoic sentences either about math or science assignments. He’d never seen you this flustered or worked up before. 

Reo snapped out of his inner thoughts when Nagi decided to roll out from behind the door frame with a hand over his nose. Nagi looked unphased, but the familiar dull sound from his phone proved otherwise. 

“Made me lose another round,” Nagi said simply and Reo watched as you fidgetted around, almost appearing self-cautious now. 

“I’m sorry?” Was all you said in response. 

Reo was about to hop out of bed, the bathroom directions loaded on his tongue, until a herd of footsteps followed by loud giggles was ascending the stairs. “Wait, close the door; I don’t want anyone coming in here.” The last thing he wanted was his classmates messing around with his personal belongings.

You appeared even more bewildered. “Um, I still need to—”

“He has a bathroom in his room, don’t worry,” Nagi interjected.

You were quick to believed Nagi's words and shut the door before heads peeked from the staircase. Reo shot his friend a questioning look as you shuffle your way to his bathroom and Nagi merely shrugged once again. Reo found himself thinking, finding that his plan of hiding away had just gotten a whole lot more complicated and awkward with you being in the picture. They both stayed quiet until you walked out, eyes facing everywhere but the two of them.

Reo's voice jolted you back to reality. “Sorry if this sounds rude but why are you here?” Okay, no matter how he would've phrased it, it did sound rude.

You didn't seem to mind it, probably already used to the harsh treatment. “My parents saw the invitation and got excited. They bought all these things for me last minute and dropped me off. I only said yes to coming because they were worried I wasn’t making any friends.” You explained, your steady nonchalant tone masking a layer of vulnerability.

Reo felt vaguely guilty at the response. Maybe he should've skipped your desk altogether? No, that would've been borderline bullying, he thought. Still, you shouldn't have been pressured to go.

“Did you want to hang out here instead?” Nagi casually offered up as if it was his house too. “We’re avoiding everyone else.”

“Nagi—!”

“What?” Nagi blinked at Reo in confusion, cocking his head slightly. “It’s written all over your face.”

He doesn't even know what expression he's making right now. All that Reo hoped was that you don't end up saying anything weird the next day. Not that he assumed you would be the type but, judging from how his guests acted earlier, he felt safer keeping his guard up.

There was a momentary pause, and then you gave a small nod, eyes reflecting a mixture of gratitude and relief. “Only if you’re fine with it.”

"Shouldn't matter to us," Nagi answered.

Reo considers this particular moment to be the turning point in your close friendship. It was his party, but almost everyone attending seemed to have forgotten his whereabouts soon after he disappeared.

At first, he was hesitant to talk about his thoughts or just about anything really, but Nagi didn't seem to care. As you and Nagi engaged in a somewhat awkward conversation about video games – or rather, Nagi half-scolding you for making him lose – Reo, after finally getting tired of listening, spent the remainder of the time venting about the various students and teachers at school.

That was nearly two years ago.

As the first year of college draws to a close, the three of you, on a spontaneous whim, decided to host a modest celebration in Reo and Nagi's shared apartment, only sending out invites to a handful of your close classmates.

You arrive about two hours before everyone else with the cake and drinks in hand, letting the door shut behind you as you rush into the kitchen. Nagi’s sitting on the countertop in the corner, attempting his best to unravel some of the cheesy party decorations that you insisted on getting, and Reo is pouring a weird red jello shot mixture into tiny plastic cups in the living room. 

The three of you haven’t realized just how busy everything would be after starting college. Hangouts would only be frequent maybe once or twice a week, but everyone’s schedule was all over the place. You had your three-hour labs, Reo signed up to become Treasurer and President for two student organizations, and Nagi pretty much slept all day as soon he came back from lectures. Now, with this year finally coming to an end, Reo is finally looking forward to spending more time with everyone with summer nearing. 

“Do we really need this many streamers?” Nagi is sighing as he swings his legs back and forth.

He managed to string a couple of them into long-wrapped strands but gave up halfway. There’s a bag of animal headbands next to him, so he fiddles with them next, claiming a bear-themed one for himself.

You set down the items on the counter and waltz over to his side, immediately fishing through the bag for your own pair. “We do and—,” Reo watches your lips upturn right as you reach over to Nagi, adjusting his headband and fixing his hair in the process. “—the bear suits you well.”

Nagi hums in thought and leans into your touch, seemingly unaware of your flustered state. “Think so?”

“I—uh yeah, you’re like a big bear sometimes…”

He helps you dig through the bag and pulls out a headband with cat ears. Without hesitation, Nagi tucks your hair back slightly and carefully places it onto your head. A satisfied faint smile makes its way onto his face. “It looks cute on you.”

Reo almost spills the remanding liquid all over the coffee table from the scene and breaks away from the before it evolves into something more. He hears you trying to say something back, maybe a ‘thank you’ or a compliment, but it comes out as incoherent noises and soft mumbles. And, although tonight is supposed to be reserved for a well deserved celebration, Reo can’t help but to think he doesn’t even feel like he belongs in his own apartment right now. 

“What do you think, Reo?” Nagi calls out.

“What do you mean?”

“Doesn’t she look cute in them?”

Reo pours the last bits of the liquid into the cups and glances over. It takes everything in him to not turn the slightest shade of red because you look do look ridiculously cute in that headband.

He sticks out his tongue and blows a raspberry. “Looks the same to me.”

You roll your eyes and blow one back. “I was gonna assign you the bunny eared one but now you’re getting the rat.”

Reo chooses to not say anything back, not that it really mattered. He gets up and places the empty pitcher into the sink and focuses his attention to the dining room. The table is a bit messy, cluttered with stacks of his business textbooks and your forgotten stationary supplies. He has food catered that’ll be arriving within the next hour, so he spends this time cleaning and setting up the area.

Their dining room goes vastly unused with how often Reo and Nagi eat out. Because of this, Reo settled with a small table tucked in the kitchen corner that’s mainly used as a storage area rather than eating—so it’s kind of nice seeing it finally being used for its intended purpose.

It’s you, him, Nagi, Chigiri, Isagi, and Bachira that eventually congregate around the area. Before the party, Reo tells his friends not to bring any gifts or extra food, but they show up with them anyway. Chigiri brings over a really good sushi bake while Isagi and Bachira gift Reo a shitty Ouija board for whatever reason and… well the party is actually pretty nice. 

Way different from all the other stuffy parties Reo grew up with and he thinks this might be the only party where he’s surrounded by people he cares about. No serious conversations about the family business or his future plans, just really lame attempts to call out whatever spirits Bachira thinks lives in their outdated fireplace.

“That was fun,” You say quietly after everyone else leaves. 

The apartment is a little bit messy, even though Isagi did most of the heavy-duty cleanup. There are still some dishes piled up in the sink and confetti peppered all over the living area but Reo will procrastinate on that for tonight.

He’s sprawled on the couch, head thrown back as he melts his entire body weight onto the furniture, tired and socially drained for the night. He only looks to the side when you plop down in the tiny empty space next to him, face deep in thought and cheeks warm. Reo knows that look. He’s seen it maybe over a hundred times at this point. 

It’s about Nagi Seishiro.

“I think I’m gonna do it tonight.” You’re whispering into his ear and Reo picks up on the sweet, subtle perfume laced around your neck. It seems like you had just applied it moments before coming over. 

He forces a smile and glosses over a fake veil of excitement. “Oh, finally? You’re not going to chicken out like the last couple of times?” 

You smack his arm, cheeks puffed out. “I’m not! I’m taking your advice for once. Better now than never, you know?”

“Yeah,” Reo says, maybe a bit too fast.

His mind is racing, along with the drumming in his chest, because you’re not joking around this time. The look in your eyes tells him that you’re serious and he feels really confused. Reo has been encouraging you since high school to get with Nagi and, now that you’re actually following through, he doesn’t know what to make of it. 

Maybe it’s his ego, pride, or just plain possessiveness that’s driving him mad. But he knows better than to wish anything but happiness for his two best friends. Nagi, although more introverted and aloof, has become more open whenever you’re around and you two do make a good couple—at least that’s what Reo convinces himself.  

He finds himself dozing off against the balcony railing outside on the apartment’s porch while you go off to find Nagi in his room. Reo scans the area, taking in the dim orange lights from the street lamps on campus and the warm inviting late spring breeze. It’s a decent distraction.

The college campus is really nice, an old one, with lots of mature trees, and stretches of green between the buildings, all connected with little cobblestone walkways. It’s almost like stepping back in time because Tokyo is a large, sprawling city. Reo decides he likes it. It’s way different from his past life, very jarring from his lavish big, but empty, mansion with butlers and maids alike, his old home was so different than this new, slower-paced way of life. 

Reo’s over himself when hears the porch door slide from behind him, he doesn’t need to turn around to know that it’s you. And, judging from the way your body flops against the railing, he concludes that it didn’t go well. It’s strange, he thought Nagi would’ve reciprocated the feelings back at least a little bit. Reo makes a mental note to privately ask his friend about it later.

He avoids your gaze and continues to stare at the city skyline in the distance, waiting for you to say the first word. 

After a while, you sigh. “Do you… do you think he’ll be uncomfortable around me?”

Reo feels his heart stuttering in his chest. “Of course not,” He answers quickly and relaxes when he sees the frown on your features slowly disappearing. “Nagi’s not the type to easily throw away a good friendship.” Reo knows that by heart.

You groan and bury your face into your palms, shrinking more into your oversized campus hoodie. “I’m so dumb, Reo…” Your voice comes out muffled and strained. “I should’ve never said anything.”

Reo wrestles with the thought that he’s an asshole for thinking quite the opposite. On one hand, he's relieved that you got rejected, but on the other hand, witnessing your heart break doesn't make things any easier for him. He’s still your friend at the end of the day.

He refrains the urge to extend his arms, grab your shoulders, and draw you into the warmth of his chest. Suppressing the desire to run his fingers through your hair, tenderly massage your scalp, and whisper that everything will be okay—that he's by your side. Instead, Reo opts for a laugh, presenting you with his credit card. “Let’s set him aside for a moment and concentrate on you.”

You peer up from your sleeves, immediately widening your eyes in disbelief and then shooting him a half-glare. “I’m not gonna be spending your money, Reo. You can’t fix a broken heart with that.”

“Yeah,” Reo softly agrees, face crescent fallen briefly before recovering. He shuffles towards you, just close enough so that your shoulders touch. “But I know where we can go.”

Your eyes sparkle at the idea, already knowing the exact location Reo is mentioning. There’s a quaint riverbank not too far from the campus and high school, the one that you would always go to whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed or upset. Reo knows that it reminds you of home, the countryside, and listening to the steady streams helps calm your nerves.

With Nagi likely cooped up in his room, the two of you sneak out of the apartment, and the night air wraps around you both like a comforting blanket.

By the time you two arrive at the riverbank, you find a comfortable spot to lie down near the top of the hill. Reo joins next to you, the cool grass beneath him contrasting with the warmth of his body. Slowly, the heaviness that lingered from earlier begins to dissipate.

Reo lies on his side, the night enveloping the two of you in a cocoon of solitude. His voice, gentle and warm, breaks the silence, "Hey," he faintly calls out your name. Patiently, he waits until your body turns to mirror his, until you're just inches away, and the distant sounds of passing cars fade into the background.

It annoys him how clueless you are, how you’re able to be physically bold and unapologetically yourself when around him but, when it comes to Nagi, you turn into a stuttering, blushing mess. He selfishly wishes to have that all to himself. “Why don’t you fall in love with me instead?”

Reo watches your eyes widen, mirroring the same motions you did when he first introduced himself to you, and your body reacts first before you’re able to construct words. You kick him, admittedly harder than he would’ve liked, followed by an immediate apology.

“That was a joke, right? Like a really, really, really bad joke?”

Pretending not to feel the pang in his chest, Reo rubs his shin and forces a chuckle, his arm thrown over his face to conceal any hint of redness that might betray him in the night. “Yeah, thought it would cheer you up somehow,” he lamely replies.

The sound of your huff and shuffling suggests you turned away, likely out of annoyance. Reo senses a momentary pause, and he thinks you might be on the verge of tears again until you murmur, “Love is so complicated.”

A twitch courses through him and he swallows hard against a lump in his throat before joining the conversation, “People do a lot of things when they’re in love. You confessing to Nagi tonight was out of love.”

“Yeah, I just wished it was easy to… I guess, understand.”

“Love happens randomly and doesn’t need reasons. If love was easy to understand then most of our world’s problems would go away.”

“Have you ever been in love, Reo?”

"I have," he answers truthfully. As you shuffle some more, he peeks from under his arm to find your face wide, brimming with curiosity. Reo sets his arm aside and smirks. "What makes you think I’m gonna tell you?"

You’re toying with the hem of your hoodie, looking like you’re about to jump to your feet. “Because I just got my heart broken tonight and I feel like maybe the least you can do is tell me who you like?” 

“Let me think,” Reo fake ponders for a few seconds and then shakes his head. “Nah, don’t think so.”

You kick him again, this time very softly. “You’re no fun,” you whine, but there’s something so sincere to it that Reo’s heart aches again. “Can you at least tell me when you fell in love?”

His laugh comes out weak and hoarse, feeling the sudden need to look away but he doesn’t. Reo stares straight into your eyes because he knows that no matter how hard he tries, you’ll never get it unless he spells it out for you. “I became aware of it when I was sitting next to them.”

You start laughing, as he expected, but it's lighthearted and innocent. Reo doesn't feel insulted—at least not yet. “It was love at first sight?”

He's definitely a tomato right now, he can feel it in his face. “More like first interaction...” Reo mumbles out, now facing the river.

“Well, whoever they are, they're lucky to have someone like you crushing over them.”

“Yeah, I guess they are lucky.”

TAGLIST - OPEN

@celestair @kitorin @popponn @yoisami @anurst @katsukiiishoe @yuzurins @vitaniangel-blog @kunikame @miwafei @astruoise @faeroow @wooasecret @limerence-lu @jaynawayna

[blueiight]

I was reading your tags to dre's published ask. Do you think while writing about these blood sucking monsters, Anne deliberately made one of them a former slave master? I mean the way this man during his mortal times had benefited by preying on the black race and the reflection of it in his fate where he is now in literal terms an entity who survives by preying on people? Or is it like twilight ( movies) where Jasper's past as a confederate soldeir is just dropped as if it's the most casual thing to shrug away.

( something is up with vampire media and all of them being connected to slave trade my god. Either it is a social commentary or people really do not have any self awarenesses?

i dont know about twilight book or movie to make a meaningful comparison to louis’s book counterpart. i wish i knew. and tbh, its hard to prescribe authorial intent on a dead woman who wrote a sprawling epic of 20+ books for 50 years , especially with shifting perspectives , namely pivoting away from louis to lestat as her MC bc of what fantasy/POV was more interesting to her. but i think in the first book there was some intention there, i cant just say how much. lestat wants to hunt the runaway slaves along the freniere plantation, and louis discourages him from doing it not out of compassion for enslaved people (which would be condescending and abysmal writing for a slaveowning character), but for his proximity to the freniere’s as fellow planters. ive talked about it a lot how its really interesting in the first 2 books that the american planter is created both literally + vampirically by the european aristocrat.. and theyre both parasitic beings in relation to the enslaved people, eventually draining them+ burning the plantation down. iwtv early book louis is resentful of lestat in part bc he thought lestat wanted his plantation, but when he learns who lestat is + where he came from, the power and will he has. hes far more genial to him. its a very dark book, and i think the fact that these characters are so vicious + melancholic is intentional on the authors part. i dont know how much race based chattel slavery is meaningfully explored from the perspective of the slaveowner, but book louis thinking of people in his captivity as fixtures, as creepy ‘things’ more proximate to the supernatural bc of their ‘african nature’ (that had yet to be ‘trained’ out of them) is a very probable, chilling, and haunting perspective of a former slaveowner to take even a hundred and some years removed from it. or if we take it as book louis immersing himself in his perspective @ the time. either way. and its pathetic when fans try to flatten book louis into ‘he was a good slaveowner’ cuz at that point theyre just conflating the movie with the book. i kinda joke that book louis is the vampire it girl bc he was such a terrible mortal LOL. im still indeterminate on the exact mode or purpose, or how much it was just about the aesthetic of gothic horror (re: the earth’s a savage garden). especially bc later books fixate on very discrete modes and metaphors of servitude/subjugation ‘being a slave to the blood’ is a recurring motif running antiparallel with the motif of ‘purifying the african/asian/foreign’ (through ‘admixture’ with the ‘european’) (s/o poacher bro gabi + talamasca bro dave ig) and in later works, theres the cycle of slavery through marius & armand.. marius, whos mother was a slave, purchases armand. chattel slavery took inspo from the romans in the idea of maternal based slave caste inheritance.. idk. idk. ive had very long rambly convos w ppl on here in the past (& im still a bit embarrased abt it) on this, but i think the reasons why fans dont rly get into it is cuz most ppl got into these books at a young age + was just into the cool lore or the queer shit and were able to handwave things as just aesthetic/era/quirky anne things etc. idk.

[rationalisms]

had a conversation with a friend the other day where she was genuinely shocked that i feel safer and more at home with gay men than i do with straight women for the most part. it's a conversation i've had with other women in the past (some who agreed with me and some who didn't). where usually my friends/social circle agree that they inherently feel safer with women than they do with straight men, but that cohesion breaks down once you bring sexuality into it.

and i've been trying for a bit to tease out where the disconnect lies between the two camps i guess lol. because there are definitely trends for who agrees with me and who doesn't.

usually other butch lesbians or otherwise gender non-conforming women feel the same, as well as gay/bi women who came out/were outed very early in life. especially gay/bi women who grew up in small or very conservative towns. which makes sense to me as someone who ticks all three boxes lol. because, like... when i was outed at thirteen against my will, i was subject to absolutely vicious bullying from my peers.

and the bullying obviously came from boys as well, especially the more physical kind, but the experiences i remember most clearly are still stuff like, idk, being made to change in the bathroom instead of the lockers during p.e. throughout the entirety of high school because being into women obviously means i was a predatory sex pest.

and some of the only allies i had at the time were the couple of boys who were bullied for being effeminate lol. we had absolutely zero things in common otherwise for the most part, but there was still an implicit understanding that we were on the same side.

there was one other girl in our little circle of freaks, who was the only out trans person at our school. and i think a lot about a convo i had with her at the time, about being out as ~elgeebeetee~ in high school, which essentially boiled down to: even if she hadn't come out, people would still have known something was "wrong" with her anyway, because she was incapable of masking or fitting in with boys her age, so how much difference does it really make. (and then you get into the minutiae of: is it more painful to be rejected for your "true" self or the front you put up, and how does that balance against being able to openly be yourself rather than repressing it, yada yada, but i digress).

personally i completely understand and relate to her thoughts, too. because i was always a "tomboy" as a kid as well, so the rejection by other girls my age started early. and when i was outed it took on a very particular flavour, but the message that i'm not one of them and straight and/or gender conforming women/girls don't claim me or want me around was made clear to me from kindergarten on.

anyway, there isn't really a point to this, i'm just waffling, sorry. basically: i love u fellow gays. kisses and hugs

[mariii1]

🌻Ace romantic reading + Future/Current Squish🌻

Although Shygirl is the complete opposite of asexual, I love her music and I wanted to go with calming vibes for this pac for some reason. Photos are from music vids from Ecco2k, Oklou, and Shygirl. The first half of this is for peeps who are ace and the second half is really open to anyone. If you don't know what a squish is, it's basically a platonic crush (when cishets refer to having a "girl crush") This is going to be more of a mini reading, let me know any other ideas you have in the comments.

1 ✧ 2 ✧ 3

A ✦ B ✦ C

1: You might feel like your hindered by your sexuality (or lack thereof is how some you would describe it), if you're younger, you might feel like you can't really relate or connect to other people because of it/you could feel isolated sexually. I'm seeing you currently feel a lack of fulfillment. I don't think you're environment is helping you; particularly for some of you, you exclusively consume content that is not inclusive to ace people, even non-feminist sex ed. I think some of you view this as a label that ways down heavily on you and I think it might only get worse in your future, although if you want to do something about it you definitely can.

2: You may work a lot/be very focused on career not because you want to but you may have to. You may actually be feeling a lot of heartbreak over your work and financial situation right now. Even if you're a full time student, you're still struggling with money in some way. You might feel you work hard with no pay off and you're boss/manager mught not be understanding/care about your situation. Some of you feel like you miss out on havibg a social life because if school/work. Also when I was tryna shuffle your pile it literally wouldn't shuffle, like i had to try to (i think its called a valley shuffle where you split the deck in half and try to push them towards each other) three times. I think you might have a little more time to focus on romance in the future but I'm really this isn't a priority for you right now. You may just be reading this cuz you're bored. Some of you could be aroace. You could also be meeting potential dates/partners that don't have their finances together and that could really annoy you later on.

3: You could meet your future partner soon. You may felt like pile 1 at some point where you felt confined by your sexuality. I don't think you feel that way anymore. I keep getting distracted during your reading. You could've went through some change or transformation that doesn't have to do with love but now you feel much more content with yourself. I'm getting in the future you might find someone you really like, even if they aren't long term/very serious, as a result of your inner work.

A: You might find yourself questioning why you like this person so much. I don't think you'll understand what draws you to them, for some of you its underlying abandonment issues, you may feel less lonely when you're around them. Spme of you might confuse this with romance when you don't actually have romantic feelings for them, or it's very little. This person could make you feel like a kid again and might actually appeal to your inner child but idk if they would actually be somebody you want to/or should have a friendship. For some of you, this person won't really be good to you, they might not actually end up meaning much to you. You could really romanticize and over-glorify having a connection with them. Lol y'all don't get pressed I have issues with this as well, it doesn't mean you can't stop this from happening.

B: Y'all may like pink and purple in particular the pastel versions. You might feel like this came about as a result of your own hard work and it wasn't a miracle or blessing this person came into your life. Y'all may really click and you might feel like you really know this person/become very close to them. You guys might get each other gifts often, or this relationship is very reciprocal, equal in terms of energy. You might feel like this is your soulmate.

C: This may be someone you currently wish you could talk to. You may be at a distance from them. You could be at a standstill. For others, you have yet to actually talk to them and just admire them from afar. I think they present themselves really well and you may glamorize/idolize them a lot. For some of you, this is someone you had a fight with, and you want to start talking to each other again. You glamorizing or putting them on pedestal is an obstacle and might make them very intimidating to you. You might put them abive you and as a result often give them the benefit of the doubt and at times, may enable them to treat you or other people badly.

[imagine-knb]

Helloo, you could call me 'Anne'. My pronouns being she/her and I'm a girl, my MBTI is 'INFJ' I'm also a Pisces.

When first meeting me I may be quiet and reserved, and only speaking when necessary but I would naturally adjust to how you talk and act (so that you could be comfortable with me, idk I just do that, let's say if you were to not talk a lot, I would also be soft spoken but if you're upbeat I would tend to match it) but then again it depends of my mood but a little bit.

Some things that I like are:

1) literature (since you're imagination is limitless, and all the deep meanings and beautiful words)

2) gloomy, rainy days

3) spending quality time with loved ones

Some things which I dislike:

1) lound unnecessary noise

2) someone telling me what to do when I didn't ask for their opinions😭

And here are some hobbies I like to do:-

1) Writing (as in stories and poetry)

2) drawing (I'm actually an artist too!)

3) anything sport related but I'm playing volleyball!

Honestly I don't have any preferences to any members or teams so please feel free! I would love to see who i match with.

I would be so glad if you're able to write mine!

It's actually my first time asking, and I'm quite new to this.

Thank you so much for your hard work !!

Type of Romance

Strangers to Lovers

How You Two Met

You had been going to the nearby hospital recently, visiting a family member who had gone through an easy, routine operation. Despite the fact they were recovering perfectly, you still wanted to make sure to visit them daily to ensure they weren't lonely during their stay.

At the same time, Nijimura's father was still in Japan and receiving care from the same hospital. You had seen him in passing a bunch of times, but an opportunity to speak to him never came. He seemed to be in his own world and you yours.

Until one day...

Standing in front of the vending machine in the waiting room, you furrowed your brows in frustration as you looked at the measly options left. It would be another few days before the snacks were restocked and all that was left were granola bars and mystery packages you were sure had been there for ages. The grumble in your stomach was begging you to choose something.

"This one isn't that bad if you can stomach raisins." A voice from behind you commented, a hand following after to point at one of the granola bars up top. When you turned around, the guy you had seen loitering through the hospitals all week was standing behind you, looking nonchalant. "Sorry, saw you contemplating and thought you'd wanna know to stay away from the other things. Trust me."

"Thanks," you responded, giving him a thankful smile before selecting your snack.

How He Fell For You

From that day forward, the two of you would meet up in the hospital whenever you were both visiting at the same time. Meet ups never lasted long, with only a few minutes between the two of you to simply ask how each other's day was going or give updates on your family members.

Nijimura liked that you were an easy person to talk to and sometimes having a stranger to vent to was exactly what he needed on a stressful day. He learned very early on that you weren't a big fan of outbursts and always kept that in mind on days where things seemed just a bit harder.

Falling for you came just as naturally as breathing air for him. You were a confidant, a relief to be around, but most of all a friend. However, his confession couldn't have come at a worse possible moment.

"Anne..." Standing with you on the hospital's rooftop, Nijimura looked like he had a lot on his mind. He took a deep breath, brows furrowing in frustration before he came out with what he had to say. "I'll be moving to America soon to go help by dad."

It wasn't what you had been expecting. Sure, you hadn't expected some grand confession or expression of feelings; that just wasn't who Nijimura was. Bith how things had been progressing between the two of you, you hadn't expected for it to be a goodbye.

And in a way, it wasn't. Because as Nijimura looked at you, eyes narrowed in that way that told you he was serious, he asked, "You'll wait for me, won't you? I'll wait for you."

What a Relationship with Him is Like

A relationship with Nijimura is a long distance one at first, with many nights spent talking over the phone. Prior to being with you, Nijimura was an awful texter, but you gave him a reason to get better at it. Eventually, it became a thing where he would be the one complaining and pouting about you taking a while to answer.

Despite the distance, Nijimura tries to make you feel like he's there. Often you would find gifts in the mail; little trinkets, handwritten letters, a book he thought you might enjoy. All of them always came with a small note that ended in "Don't forget about me."

And the day he returns to Japan...

"You must think it's such awful luck, the day you come back and it's raining so much," you comment, looking up at the dark sky as Nijimura packed his luggage away into the trunk of your car.

Casting his own eyes upward, Nijimura took in the rolling clouds, the fat raindrops, and the damp streets. A small, almost imperceivable and content smile graced his lips. He walked over to you, wrapping his arms around you like he'd longed to do for so many days and nights, before pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

"No, in fact, I think it's a perfect day to stay inside and just spend time with you. Don't you think, Anne?"

Match Up Requests are Closed

[aurirorii]

my carat journey ♡︎

sypnosis: (im sure the title makes this self-explanatory but) in which i tell you all about my first impressions and journeys as a carat. (i like summed it all up so its super short)

a/n: i havent been a carat for tooooo long but nonetheless it makes me feel pretty happy to see ive come as a carat as well as how the group themselves have grown over the years c:

how did it start.. oh right. when i first came around seventeen or seen something about them it was actually back in may of 2021 from a clip i saw on youtube i saw of them on knowing brothers. this clip was when the mcs of the show were trying to guess all of the members’ names and it was the8’s turn.

i remember watching minghao doing that flip or wtv (sorry i dont remember what its called lol) n after he was all cool and stuff. and lowk i was like ‘oooooo.. hes kinda cute’ hehe. and honestly that was kinda it.

you see, it was in 2018 i was actually a k-pop stan yk during the prime era of kpop. obviously over the next 2-4 years i had lost focus. but, when i came back, that video was one of the many i had watched on youtube about kpop. and when i came back, i became a skz fan. i remember felix was my ult bias and that was that.

but that was until i came across an episode of going seventeen. pretty infamous right? god, i remember watching that episode when they were planting rice (ver-paddy) and i was hooked. i had never laughed so much, it was like my spark had come back. i say that because when i re-entered the kpop fandom, i wasn’t at the highest point of my life. so laughing that much over one video on youtube made me so happy. that was when i knew that i needed to find out who this group was and where i can watch more episodes.

that was when i realized that the group i was watching was seventeen: the group with that one cute guy with gray hair and glasses (the8)! also when i realized that vernon was in seventeen (i knew and recognized vernon bc if his cover with jeongyeon, do i need to keep explaining? i didn’t think so).

although, when i started looking into the members, one caught my eye and it was safe to say it was not the8. it was LA boy hong joshua. idk what it was really but i thought he looked so idk— beautiful. so thats what it was for me. i started stanning the group and having joshua as my new ult bias in june 2022. sadly, over time, my interest in skz started to decline. it wasn’t that skz wasn’t great, they are, y’know how it is right?

that was how my journey started. i started listening to their music, getting into going seventeen, binge-watching like all the seventeen related videos i could find on youtube, and most importantly: going through hell trying to learn all of the members.

oh. my. god. hey, you know, it took some time, but i got there! (i always messed up woozi and hoshi) um.. anyways. as time went on, obviously i was able to experience the feeling of waiting to watch their new comebacks and such. and honestly, i don’t mean to be one of those people, but seventeen genuinely brought my spark back. i had, and still, never been so interested in something until them.

around 5-6 months later, it was in novemeber 2022 when i was pretty settled into the group when my thoughts and views started to change. i was starting to focus on new members. i honestly don’t remember at all how this started but jeonghan caught my eye. and i was hooked.

idk.. hes js so.. im sure u know what i mean!!! i mean who wouldn’t? like, have you seen jeonghan? oh lordy lord. he was so beautiful yet fine yet cute yet literally all of the above. i sound like one of those crazy fans. PLEASE GUYS I PROMISE IM NOT LIKE THAY JUST HEAR ME OUT A TINY BIT. let a girl be delulu PLS. ok now im gonna continue being delulu for a sec thanks.

i do admit i still fangirl a bit over him, just a teensy bit!!!!! (i fucking watch edits on tiktok HELP ME I HAVE A SAVED COLLECTION IN MY FAVORITES ermmmm i js want to be organized!!!! …..) please guys im just a girl.

uh. yeah! but in all seriousness, i’m so happy that i was able to come across such an amazing group. time has passed so much and it’s crazy for me to understand that i’ve been already been a carat for almost 2 years. (pls help me ive watched like every gose episode and inside seventeen episode like 50 million times each, but honestly i’ll never get tired of it).

i’m so proud of seventeen after everything they’ve gone through. watching them win their first daesang made me feel so happy for them, they absolutely deserve it. from practicing together in a small, green walled room to selling out almost all of their shows and stages they perform on, seventeen has grown so much as not just a group but individually.

i just know that if seventeen’s predebut self saw their lives now their joy would just be through the roof. as one of the most looked-upon sunbaenims in their industry, i’m sure most people can agree seventeen tops their line of style when making music.

and i’m also so glad i decided to be a carat. i love the fandom, like i can be on tiktok for hours just laughing watching carats post the funniest memes and compilations as well as making the stupidest tweets. i can very much vouch carats are one of the most funniest, supportive fandoms out there.

so yeah, that’s about it!

[t4tdanvis]

Please share your headcanons and thoughts on Gene! I wanna hear them!

i have too many i have one million billion thoughts about gene every second its like this every day:

anyways. gene!!!!! i will give a few thoughts/headcanons/paragraph-long rants about him weeeeee

for mystreet specifically:

-gene is a wof fan, dante is a wc fan. gene is quickly outnumbered bc vylad, zenix, and sasha all also like wc, and he is forced (read: willingly does so bc their friends like it. not that she'll Ever admit that tho) to read wc. it actually ends up liking the books (he heavily relates to ivypool... i wonder why... such a mystery... /j)

-gene is very tall and towers over most of the people they know bc theyre 6'3 (he took all of the available height when he was born so now dante is 5'2 /j). she feels very self-conscious about her height at times but usually finds it very entertaining to scarily lean over people (even though none of their friends are scared by that at all bc theyre super skinny and they have the energy of a sopping wet kitten /j)

-during high school, gene is too stressed to deal with gender or sexuality or anything but that does not stop it from hitting him like a truck. and then backing up to run her over again. repeatedly. they are genderfluid and use any pronouns, and they are bi, polyam, sapphillean, demiromantic, and asexual :)

-seems very intimidating to strangers but the second u actually start talking to them they just. arent intimidating at all? he can be a little rude at times (due to the Autism) and is very quiet and closed off, but really hes just shy and bad at talking to people. unless u hurt any of her friends then she WILL murder u

-gene can and will kill fascists. be gay do crime, death to america <3

-gene has freckles :) she also has a ton of piercings, and has heterochromia (one blue eye and one brown eye)

-their first friend ever was sasha. the two of them met whenever sasha was being bullied in elementary school and gene stood up for her. zenix became friends with them later whenever it just... came over to them at lunch in like 7th grade and started sitting with them (it straight up just said "idk where to sit and you both look gay"). the three of them have been inseparable ever since

-gene is very protective over dante (and by extension, travis as well). no one ever messes with dante or travis bc if u do dante is 100% telling his sibling and ur Dead if gene finds out

-scarily good at video games. her favorite game is rain world and she plays it all the time (they managed to beat enots campaign. somehow?????)

-huge crywolf fan. discovered crywolf when her dad was still at home a lot of the time (he ends up being put in jail for life after attempting to murder his wife. so uhhhhh at least hes gone now?? his family still has to deal with the Trauma but hey) and its been a huge comfort for her ever since

-very high spice tolerance. eats carolina reapers for fun <3

for mcd:

-gene was killed via being burned at the stake. he is now terrified of fire (although he pretends he isnt). he was only 18 when he was executed

-while mys gene is transneufem, mcd gene is transmasc. he uses he/they and is a gay trans man :)

-"but how is her gay if he was canonically in love with a woman" WELL! he suffered from the very common transmasc experience of "i knew i was gay but i didnt know i was a man yet so i thought i was just a lesbian". and also bc of the BPD + trauma making him super attached to this one girl

-speaking of that: gene tried to kiss the girl, and she ran off bc she turned out to be homophobic. they tried to erase her memory so she would go back to being their friend, but dante caught them and she ran off while gene was trying to explain (dante thought what was going on was much worse than it was, and didnt realize until it was too late to apologize)

-growing up, genes entire village was very conservative. the abuse he went through went ignored and shoved under the rug, and he wasnt able to come out until he died and became a shadow knight

-fully turned into a shadow knight after murdering their father. he also set his home village on fire and erased everyones memory of him and dante for good measure (in his mind, he thought he was helping dante)

-gene is 6'8. he used to be 6'6 but grew two inches when he became a shadow knight. also they used to have really long hair (bc he wasnt allowed to cut it) but now they have very fluffy hair that ends around their shoulders

-the color red is a huge trigger for him, he hates it

-was launched out of one abusive relationship (his dad) right into another (shad). he didnt realize shad was abusive for a long time bc, well, shad is nice to him a lot of the time, sure he forces gene to commit murder and torture people and gene really feels iffy about that, but he lets gene cut his hair and and wear masculine clothes so he cant be that bad right hahaha? (<- gene is in denial)

-oh nooo now hes getting sent to the Torture Chamber oh nooooooooo oh well (vylad ends up saving him but not before he gets More C-PTSD)

-he tried to use his powers to forget his entire past. it didnt work well. now his memories are just very fragmented and come back/disappear randomly

-he has DID (dante does as well). due to the Trauma

ANYWAYS that is all i have. for now. i have a billion more hcs but i have typed way too much so here u go

[drsteggy]

Fanfic asks!! 11, 29, and 38 please!

Thank you for the ask stormy!! The original post is here.

11. Do you write scenes in order or do you jump around.

I jump around. I’ll get a thing in my head that I have to throw down and I’ll write to it. I had three scenes in Farore that were done before I knew where that fic was going- Link and Zelda’s first kiss (once I knew they would kiss), them dealing with the aftermath of the final battle and the ending.

Those things changed over time as I filled in parts that happened before them, though the kiss is pretty close to the first version. It did get moved up from where I first planned it because one day the two of them came to me and pretty much went hey this is what we are doing today sorta tired of not doing it and I went okay.

That aftermath of the final battle changed A LOT. There was a version where Zelda was pretty much well, this has been fun, but we are done now and Link was very WTF your majesty about it. In the end, he needed a much softer place to fall, and Zelda got over herself and gave it to him.

The end is in between. There was a version where they were married and I never quite liked that.it didn’t fit Link even after the end of the fic. @presentstone did it much better and in character in Naive Melody

I still jump around. I have a couple WIP involving various monsters and it’s fun to write about beating up the monsters more than how we got there or why we are picking on that frox which is minding its own business.

29. What’s something about your writing that you’re proud of?

I really love my action sequences. They are fun for me to write and I think they read well. It’s important for me to understand what is going on during action sequences so I take a lot of care blocking them out, mostly in my head though I have some ball jointed dolls I should consider playing with. But I think that it’s clear what’s going on, where characters are in relation to each other and how it feels while things are going on. Idk, I love my fight scenes a ton.

38. What is the most self indulgent posted story?

Easily Link and Fancy about a horse girl and his first pony. It is my The Black Stallion AND Misty of Chincoteague.

[alicealder]

i. "cast iron skillet" - jason isbell and the 400 unit // ii. tonight i'm someone else: essays; the end of longing - chelsea hodson // iii. "rx (medicate)" - theory of a deadman

( gdocs version since tumblr beta is super annoying )

quick stats !

full name: alice audrey alder

date of birth: september 17th, 1966

zodiac big three: virgo sun, pisces moon, libra rising, leo venus

gender & pronouns: cis woman & she/her

sexual orientation: home of sexual

ethnicity: white

nationality: us american

religion: agnostic

languages spoken: english (5), spanish (4), latin (3)

enneagram: 2w3

mbti: enfj

temperament: phlegmatic

alignment: true neutral

refresher !

triggers: shitty parenting, the briefest implication of homophobia

Mom, Annabelle “Anne” Alder, kinda really sucks. I guess we’ll go with the version where she’s not a televangelist even though televangelism is super fun and was booming in the 1980s, I just think we know the other version better. Still a lil menty ill tho. 

But Alice’s daddy, Allen, and sister, Alice 1.0, died a week before she was born so you know <3 hard to blame her tbh <3

Still weird that she was like “okay if I can’t have Alice 1.0 I’ll have Alice 2.0”

Momma Alder was like “you’re gonsta be perfect just like ur dad!” and Alice was like “okay how” and momma was like “uhhhh get good grades, be successful, marry a rich guy, be hot” and Alice was like “okay bet”

Mamma Alder also married a rich guy, our bestie Brian, who was like… 20 years her senior. So she had an affair with the poolboy. But honestly that stuff wasn’t too important in the great grand scheme of things – Brian was, though!

Anyway, Alice totes got good grades and was hot! But a rich guy wasn’t in her cards :\ Maybe a rich girl though!

Is Lux rich?

Fell in love with childhood friend Lux Lewis in late 1981 and it lasted around a year.. So that’s basically late sophomore - junior on her end, late freshman - sophomore on Lux’s.

Gradually phased out as Lux got closer to another lesbian we know 🤨(only we don’t know it IC 😔). But Alice was still Lux’s little bitch for the time being.

Idk if the Wonderland dance happened in this timeline... In any case, Lux going bitch mode after the lesbian ‘rumor’ was pinned on Alice still happened! So did the fight between Alice and Anne, though that was a few more months in. So did it getting worse when Alice was like *coach ben vc* hear that, furry little friends?! I’m GAYYY. *end vc* So did Brian leaving to go to a five-star retirement home. 

Anyway, a slight change is that Brian paid the tuition, but Alice still went to live with Indigo… for the time being 🤨

update time !

triggers: drugs. so many drugs., some shitty parenting thrown in there considering brian’s involvement and (arguably!) indigo’s solution

Weed and alcohol weren’t entirely foreign – they were both present at basically all the parties thrown – but Alice had never partaken in them beyond a slight buzz. Up until, of course, the winter of 1983. Just to balance things out, right? Just to make the world seem a little chiller during the crux of her final year in high-school, right?

But all of the shit that came with it – related to Lux or not – eventually brought it to a null spot. And Brian (who didn’t think to ask anything about it), ever the caring father figure, offered what used to help him through his rough patches! A little pill!

As of right now, I’m basically just typing out the timeline I wrote down. So with nothing smooth to say, Alice found herself a regular Vicodin user by the Spring of 1984.

And, while all things preceding the date were stressful enough, that brings us to entering college! Yay! Brian’s started paying tuition and there was that huge blowout and she’s living with Indigo now, so on and so forth. Anyway, now that that’s been refreshed:

Fall of 1984… Maybe someone would point to Lux and the bullying. Maybe someone would point to Anne Alder, suddenly without child and husband. Maybe someone would point to the lack of a stable home. But the truth was that it was none of that, and it was all of that.

The first few months, Alice was doing her best to keep up. She was still keeping her grades way up, she was still working hard to maintain her friendships, she was still trying to keep up a semblance of a life – she would have been dubbed ‘functioning.’ But something… just broke. Seemingly out of nowhere, something cracked. 

*It happened slowly, then all at once. General stress – stress that seemed normal – snapped. There were voices and delusions and–

–Brian’s donations weren’t enough anymore. After searching, after a chance finding, Alice crossed the snow line… 

And it… worked. The stress had dissipated and life… it was so much better. As long as she rolled the snow up on the 8hr schedule it needed, life was beautiful! 

For a while.

When Winter rolled around, it was plain for Indigo to see that Alice was not just smoking doobage. In fact, she wasn’t just smoking anything anymore – not if the cotton ball and shoelace had anything to say about it! 

Thus, Indigo (real name: Angela), past groupie (who “Angie” by the Stones had clearly been written about) who had seen the dangerous outcomes firsthand, was… in essence, like, “Get your shit together!”

But if some missing money, pinpoint pupils, and a nod off that led to a close call with godsmack had anything to say about it… Alice was not, in fact, getting her shit together.

Indigo had never planned on being a mother, and though she was much more caring and empathetic than her sister, she wasn’t prepared for… how to deal with this (unless it was Eric Clapton who clearly got clean for her). At the end of the day, is anyone? Especially when the main source of said kid’s cost of living was coming from an indirect enabler? (See: Brian <3)

Not knowing what else to do if Alice wouldn’t agree to seek help, she made the hesitant decision to kick her out.

Lucky for Alice, there was one vacant house in Cherry where someone she knew had been able to claim squatter’s rights – that someone being Oliver (who, outside of alcohol and weed, could be considered a surprising straight-edge given what he’d seen his mom go through at the hands of SUD).

Yes, I’m connecting my two characters. Yes, I am using this cop-out. *Ariana Grande vc* And what about it?

When Spring rolled around, her role in ‘the gang’ was nearly non-existent, existing more as a ghost than a person. Which was about how life was going. Moving through it like a ghost, disconnected from the Earth, watching from a state of limbo, becoming a distant memory.

r/im14andthisisdeep

She still managed to get by in CCU, though not without strife and sliding grades. Speedballing helped, but even then, she was distracted. 

Oliver tried giving her the movie star speech… which didn’t work, but it was worth a shot!

Fall came and so did sophomore year’s tuition payment… some of which was pocketed and spent on things that should not have been important as they felt.

Outside of that, it was largely uneventful. Just repetition of how life had been for the past… year and a half? But it wasn’t as fun as it used to be. And most bridges had burned themselves (hell, save for Brian, every bridge with family had burned down). And there would never be anything fun again, would there be? She stays in the routine, it’s normal. She breaks it and tries to get sober? At best, it’s boring. At worst, it’s hell on Earth. And she would choose routine over that any day! If she’d already lost most everything she could lose, why bother? The only things she had left were school (and she would be on academic probation in Spring – if she were kicked out… who cared anymore?), an empty house (was there much of a difference between an empty house – that desperately needed repairs – with one guy and a street?), the few bridges she hadn’t burned (a lighter would come eventually), and a beating heart (did it matter anymore?). Burn it down.

That was the prevailing thought until one Ford Freese entered the picture in early December, an offer to pay for a 30-day inpatient stay over the CCU winter break.

…winter break totally isn’t for deus ex machina purposes!

In any other case, she would’ve declined the offer with enthusiasm – some of the only enthusiasm she still showed! But the one thing she hadn’t thought of? The one thing she hadn’t thought to add to her list of things that could be stripped from her? Her freedom. Aha, don’t arrest me! Aha, I’m too sexy to go to jail for 7+ years!

Let it be known that he never actually threatened arrest – or anything even close! – but you see a man with a badge…

She entered rehab on the first day of their winter break. The methadone helped with the detox, but not with the… worth. Nonetheless, she walked out of rehab two days after CCU had begun the Spring semester. 

A month later, she had ‘completed’ the outpatient program – during which she’d been doing her damndest to get off academic parole. Without any funding for something like a methadone clinic – or, I don’t know, a therapist? – it was her and her willpower! 

And, credit where credit is due, staying sober due to a sense of obligation? Of ‘you did this grand gesture for me, I can do this one thing for you’? Well, it was working! Enough to get her to NA!

But, even nearly eight months later, everything feels rather askew. She’s part of the gang again, not a ghost… but is she? She’s back to her role of ‘great student’... but is she? Lux has lost her influence… but has she?

Well… Hollywoo Stars and Celebs! What Do They Know? Do they Know Things? Let’s Find Out!

updated tl;dr !

Alice started doing drugs about eight months earlier than her Cherry 1.0/2.0 counterparts. 

She developed a tolerance to Vicodin and didn’t have the benefit of seeing Lux’s ghost because… Lux isn’t dead (or presumed dead), so she moved up the ladder of gateway drugs and, following a bit of a menty b in her freshman year of college, she started using smack.

Eventually got kicked out of Indigo’s house for understandable reasons and went to squat live with Oliver (deus ex machina!). 

Yanno. shit happens!

Was not successfully enticed to enter recovery until Ford Freese offered to pay for rehab (and, even then, it was just because “oh this guy has a badge I don’t want to go to jail im so sexy for that aha”). Got clean.

Has been sober for nearly eight months now… mainly out of obligation!

But my favorite form of character growth is character descent :elmosmile:

[redheadbigshoes]

Hi! I have a legit question: Do you think someone's sexual orientation can change during their lifetime?? (And just so I'm clear, I don't mean "conversion therapy" or an “off/on switch” or anything like that!)

When I was a teenager, I thought I was bi: crushed on boys, but mostly fantasized about intimacy with girls. But years later, after a head over heels/gave me stomachaches I was so nervous/I wanted to be her everything crush on a female coworker lol, I slowly came to terms with my lesbian identity. I remember feeling lots of imposter syndrome because I didn't feel I was gay since birth like so many stories I'd heard from other gays/lesbians. Bisexuality was even more frowned upon back then, and I remember really NOT wanting to be bi. But I waited for the "other shoe to drop" on crushing on a bunch of guys which, aside from a couple "comphet crushes" (a married guy who was "nice" to me, and a male coworker who paid attention to me that all the other women in the office thought was hot) never really happened. I sure started crushing hard on women though! Lol. And after a breakup with my only boyfriend, I remember craving a relationship with a woman at the time.

Now I'm older and legit feel like I can't stand the idea of being with a man. My long term partner is a woman, but even if we ever broke up, I see myself seeking only women or other sapphics. Sure, I find a few men (mostly on TV, from a specific demographic) attractive, but I don't feel anything when I see them in the wild, even the good looking ones. I'm only questioning myself after now seeing all the updated discourse on lesbianism, and want to make sure I'm properly communicating and naming my identity.

I feel like I went from “secretly bi" to "publicly identifying as straight but suppressing my physical attraction to women” to “lesbian” without looking back. It could’ve been comphet, I’m not entirely sure. Do you think it’s possible for sexual orientation to shift like this though? I think Ricky Martin said something about genuinely having loved the women he used to date, but he stands firmly in his gay identity today.... I can somewhat relate. Anyway, thanks for your thoughts!

Hi! I think 99% of the time people’s sexuality doesn’t change, what happens is that most of the time people are bisexual but their preference can change and make them think they’re either homosexual or straight. Bisexuality can be a fluid identity, a lot of bisexuals can change their gender preferences over time, but I feel like those preferences just change, not that they actually stop being attracted to a certain gender. This also goes to aro/ace people (imo), their amount of sexual/romantic attraction might change over time but they’re still in the aspec.

Also when it comes to gays and lesbians who used to identify as bi before they figured out their identity, it’s not that they once were actually bi, they just took more time to figure out their lack of attraction to the opposite gender. This also goes to the opposite situation: someone who used to identify as gay/lesbian but later started identifying as bi. I honestly think they were always bi but they just had a heavy gender preference that made them think they weren’t.

I’ve seen some people bring up a situation where there was abuse and trauma involved and that trauma made them stop being attracted to a certain gender or made them be attracted to a certain gender. I’ve never been through anything like that, and though maybe that person’s sexuality could’ve actually changed, I think what happened is that after that trauma they suppressed their feelings towards a certain gender, and maybe those suppressed feelings made them realize their attraction to another gender (that attraction was always there but never really explored).

Idk exactly what Ricky Martin said, but maybe that love for the woman he used to date isn’t sexual and romantic, there’s other kinds of love that do not involve sexuality. Maybe he just really cares about that woman and he loves her platonically, but was never sexually and romantically attracted to her.

[jackienautism]

going 2 be real for a sec

i usually keep this stuff to myself since its super personal and i probably will just sound like a crazy person bu t i really just want to get something down and post it and MAYBE get some sort of like ? validation. that im not the only one who feels this way or does this LOL

so just. long story short. does anyone get like physically ill over seeing someone else like . engaging and doing "more" with a special interest slash interest youre really really into? like. just like 10 or os minutes ago somethting happened and i started lowkey shaking and shit (but maybe its just bc its real hot where i am rn but idk) and felt sick to my stomach all bc someone was engaging "more" with something i rly rly like and i just uuuuugh

ive had this feeling ever since i got into until dawn and the quarry lol...... this feeling has been occurring a lot less frequently than during like last year. which like. speaking of. when the quarry first came out the feeling came and WEEEENT....... ALLL THE TIME. like i wasnt even into the game that much yet but seeing other ppl engaging w/ and making content for it...... made me feel suuuper ill. or maybe was it when i first started getting into it? yeah i think it was when i first started hyperfixating. but anyway LOL IT WAS A TERRIBLE FEELING. AND IT HAPPENED SO OFTEN TOO

luckily its gotten a lot better in terms of the quarry. especiailly after joining tumblr and all. but until dawn? naaah its still very much there lol. as i said earlier, it doesnt happen as much as it used to (in regards to UD) but. it stilll happens. as i just fucking found out. ive settled down quite a bit now but good god

until dawn is such a dead fandom but theres just some things that when i see it it still makes me go wiiiild (negative). i dont know why. it makes feel so sick. and i dont hold it against anyone of course, it just affects me interacting w/ slash following people LOL! and it mainly has to do w/ sam and emily LMAO especiallly sam as ive come to find out.... i think its becasue ive projected sooo much of myself onto her that im like super protective and shit. like... shes not your fictional public character shes MINE. and thats not your public piece of media. its MINE. you know?

and its liike. i KNOW that there are ppl who are more into UD and have been into it longer than i have. i know that. and htat doesnt always affect me. but tthen therr are just osme other times where it seriously DOES and its just.... man. i wish i werent like this LMAO

i think thats like the. basis of it. im just. man. and its such a hard thing to shake off ): i know im just gonna have to "get over it" and "learn to live w/ it" but man!!!!!!

idk man. just seeing others "understanding" a character "more" than i do and seeing others do suuuuper in depth character analyses just..... ESP if its characters i rly relate to and basically projected every part of ,my being onto........ it makes me ill!!!!!! like genuinely!!!!!!!!!

and its like weird bc like. i was SUPER into mean girls the musical back in 2019 / 2020 and so forth. but i dont ever remember getting THIS BAD over others being "more" into it than i was. and this isnt just straight up jealousy. i know how that feels and its DEFINITELY not that. i truly dont know what makes until dawn / the quarry so different. maybe becasue this was the first time ive engaged more with the fandom? especially on tumblr? i dont know man. i dont kn ow

hopefully this makes sense. im just tired

[rrxnjun]

from here

Ohh so k-pop does get overwhelming at times like keeping up with all of their comebacks and activities does take a toll on the psyche 🤧 i took a small break of sorts back in 2021 just to get a breather and instead focus my energy on books :') the whole pandemic situation and the lockdown was beginning to get to me + i had to deal with an academic burnout but !! things are definitely better now.

OKAYY so it took me a lot of time to finalise a bias in nct dream and tbt all nct units unghhh i lobe them all but my nct dream bias as of now is renjun. this man has me wrapped around his finger and activates the heart eyes WDYM HE HAS A PRETTY VOICE HES AN ARTIST HE'S PRETTY HE'S SHARP TONGUED AND HE'S A TOTAL SWEETHEART LIKE HE'S SO CARING 100% BFF/BF MATERIAL :( FDIBCFBN GOD HAS HIS FAVOURITES ALRIGHT and oml don't even get me started w the yangyang and renjun interactions im still reeling from when they did this.

In 127 i have a soft spot for the vocal line lol so i usually bias whoever's in the vocal line for a particular song (DO THEY HAVE TO MAKE IT SO HARD TO CHOOSE THO). rn it's jaehyun bc I'm obsessed w his voice (it's his first few lines in good thing <33)

Oof faded in my last song just hits so hard and it hurts so bad the songs so deep. It's one of my favourite nct u songs that and baby don't like it (again. hoe anthems >>>) for 127 it's either heartbreaker (bc it's hyuck's world and we're just living in it) or good thing (bc jaehyun.) Basically love the limitless era. and for dream okayy i can't really choose but reload and boom era were both crazy good. as for wayv it's after midnight and maybee take off. Wbu what are your favourite eras/songs?

Ahh you're a carat ?? I've been trying to get into svt since hoshi's spider came out but it's still a work in progress :') Which all groups do you stan ?? (40k slowburns are segci and it's for Vernon?? sounds v interesting 👀)

and the yangyang fic's going to have angst okay thanks for the warning angst scares me but i find it beautiful (?) as a genre like whoa how do mere scenes and words strung up together in a completely different world make me feel so much. But again that's why i like reading in general. bonus points if i actually find the smth in the fic relatable :')

YUSSUH 5SOS SUPREMACY youngblood was THAT album yk. weird but their music and a few select songs from twenty one pilots and imagine dragons help me concentrate and actually solve calculus ... esp easier and good girls 😭 idk why tho and whahfkfkkg they came to your city ?? Djnffkfm most international artists usually don't come near South Asian countries ie the place where I live 🤧

and yes so i listened to a few more songs by waterparks but I'm obsessed with 21 questions. i can't stop putting it on loop 😭😭 fdhjk pls feel free to send in more song recs

p.s. i enjoy talking to you too to the point where i think i ramble a little too much hrkfjfnf Have a good day/night <3

SORRY FOR REPLYING LATE I SUCK AT HUMAN INTERACTION

kpop does get overwhelming sometimes dfkjlas but also i just kind of got bored for a bit so i didnt feel motivated to check up on it in so long,, but now i just found the excitement again and i feel the same i did when getting into it for the first time its so amazing. i got into kpop just before the pandemic started, so it was something that was keeping me going during the lockdowns and shit :) i am glad you're feeling better now, though!

OUR BIASES MATCH AAAAAAA #besties fdlksaj renjun is literally the love of my life i think us two are similar in a lot of things (our zodiac signs, personalities, interests, anger issues...) so i think loving him so much helped my selflove djfkla this sounds weird but its true to some extent?? AND DONT MENTION THE CAMPING TRIP VIDEO IN FRONT OF ME ITS MY COMFORT VID AAAAA everything abt it is so wholesome,,, their little karaoke sessions, the shopping, the cooking,, them switching languages every now and then,, also yangyang singing i'm gonna love you by d.o. is stuck in my head that moment felt special.

in 127 i tend to gravitate towards mark and hyuck but i cant really count them bc theyre my dream biases as well LMAO but if i exclude them, i'd say i bias doyoung? i have a soft spot for yuta as well haha and recently my head is full of jungwoo but i'm not gonna give that too much weight just yet it might be a phase we'll see

I LOVE HOE ANTHEMS AAAA no one does sexy songs like nct. no one can compare. period. my fav eras would probablyyy be hot sauce/hello future for dream i fucking love that era and i miss it so much it was comfort for me. hot sauce was the first album ive ever bought from my first ever paycheck haha<33 for 127 probably superhuman/kick it/punch era? altho i wasnt a stan back then yet,, so i didnt fully experience it and for wayv turn back time era!!

i AM a carat!! spider is so good oml truly a cultural reset. no one does it like kwon soonyoung. i stan quite a few groups i think?? my ults are definitely nct, seventeen and txt! i keep up w them the most:) and then i stan enhypen, stray kids and p1harmony, although i dont really watch their contents or anything anymore,, im more of a casual stan for them. wbu?

yesyes its an angsty one but its not that bad i think fklf i definitely wrote more traumatic fics than this one. there's actually a yy tiktok i saw that literally represents how i wrote him in this fic it fit so much uh god i'll show it to you if you're interested

SOLVE CALCULUS HDAKL thank god i dont have maths anymore<33 that was a real struggle. i used to have a twenty one pilots phase tbf but im glad its behind me now bc the tyler joseph now is not the tyler joseph i used to stan!:)) and nooo they didn't come to my city! i'm from slovakia and literally no one comes to slovakia so i get your sturggle. they came to krakow and vienna though and that's kind of close to me!

21 questions>>>>> literally one of the songs that inspired my yy fic. do you use spotify? i'll make you a rec playlist if you really want!

p.s. i really enjoy talking to you hihi i missed your asks hhhh please dont think you ramble too much bc i do too!! it shows that we are comfy w each other xx

[cloveroctobers]

Wtv, it’s cool / j. Farrell | October prompts !

A|N: idk where the fandom is for this show but I’m out here! Although this will probably flop in the notes department—that’s okay! I just felt like I should write something for ‘ol Jimmy boy. Also sucks that the show’s been cancelled but I can’t say I’m surprised? There’s been absolutely no promo for bridge and tunnel and the last season kinda set it off just in case.

Plot/prompt: #20. “There’s a guy standing in the backyard with a knife, that you?”

WARNINGS: reader is related to Mikey, bi reader, + angst = the relatable feeling of being left out + possible triggers for a violent crime although it is not explained in graphic detail!

⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘

October 29th, 1983 - October 30th, 1983

approx. 11:49pm to 12:13am

There was no reason Bonnie Polanco should be held up inside her aunt and uncle’s house on hallow’s Eve. Some might say this was a choice but she did not make the choice for her untimely death. Bonnie Polanco did not deserve to be the victim of a senseless crime.

Do not think Bonnie didn’t have choices to be out in the city tonight. She was sure her acquaintance Stacey Ross would be there if she wasn’t with the rest of the gang tonight. Their circles (outside of the main crew) brushed by each other every so often but Bonnie grew to distance herself once the nose candy came out to play. That wasn’t her style, not to say that she didn’t explore other uppers by mouth but Bonnie knew her limits. She preferred a nice shot of tequila, and lime; would be on the next taxi or train ride back to Long Island.

The rich kids weren’t for Bonnie full time despite her going off to some fancy private university. Bonnie knew after a few years she’d lose touch with these kids and during the reunion, they’d still boast some more about their privileged opportunities and she might even hook up with a college fling in the backseat of their corvette or BMW.

That was a option but that wasn’t ultimately what Bonnie wanted.

She was alone, bowl of popcorn and m&ms sitting on the coffee table as she lounged in her pajamas watching a movie starring the horror queen herself, Jamie Lee Curtis, in a film called, “Prom night.” Bonnie had a pillow clutched to her chest, elbow pressing into the arm of the couch as she watched the scene slowly unfold in front of her.

Bonnie remembered Mikey and the boys heading to the theaters to see this one. This surely pissed Bonnie off and she let her cousin have it. She told him that they should’ve been the ones to go together but that completely slipped his mind. Going to the movies was their thing and Bonnie’s love for film started once she moved down here from New Jersey to Long Island in high school and began work at the drive-in.

Mikey didn’t see the big deal, thinking it was just something regular to do and couldn’t understand why Bonnie was upset over this. He was often oblivious, always been that way; constantly moving onto the next thing and not thinking about the possible consequences after. Sure it was something small but it always felt like Bonnie came second to Mikey’s—no—their shared friends. It also went over his head when he decided to start dating Tammy Ocampo, the first friend out of his group that Bonnie really bonded with. In fact she was the only one out of the girls that Bonnie really got along with.

That slowly developed into a crush which Bonnie put a stop to once Mikey and Tammy were together longer than a month. Bonnie hated being the third wheel but Tammy always wanted to include her knowing how she felt when it came to the rest of the group. Bonnie knew she had to understand that their history was much longer before she even came into the picture. However it slowly began to feel like she was only their “friend” because of her relation to Mikey and that was a shitty feeling.

It only started to feel that way once they all ended back in Long Island after school.

Bonnie did her best to drown that feeling out as Mikey left the house not long after his parents. The girl was going over scripts at the kitchen table when Mikey came trotting down the steps to grab a drink before he left.

“This is what you’re doing on all hallow’s Eve, prima?”

“What else would I be doing, Mike?” Bonnie grumbled, cheek pressed into the knuckles of her hand, “I’ve got a pretty demanding job even as a intern as a writer’s assistant.”

Mikey hummed as he flicked at the pages just for Bonnie to slap his hand away, “I thought a part-time job gave you some time to breathe. Do you even have a costume for Halloween?”

“I’ll most likely be at the office.”

“That’s not what I asked you?”

“We can’t wear anything crazy but I can get away with some headwear.”

Mikey snorted at his cousin, “cat-ears? I dunno…Doesn’t really seem like your style. You should have worms coming out of your head like that one lady…Medusa.” He snapped his fingers at Bonnie who scrunched up her nose, “because you’re a book-worm. Get it?”

“That’s not…I’m putting elf ear prosthetics on although I plan on being a fairy for the night…whenever I get off.” Bonnie answered, mumbling the last part.

Mikey pushed his lips outwards with a tilt of his head in thought, “I can’t wait to see that!”

“Actually…could you paint them for me? Please. They don’t exactly match with the rest of my skin.”

Mikey nodded glancing at the clock, “of course. Just remind me, you know I forget things sometimes. Look, I’ gonna head out. Will you be here when i get back?”

“I think I’ll be the only one here.” Bonnie dryly joked, knowing that her aunt and uncle went down to Jersey for the weekend and would be back in the morning sometime.

Mikey breathed out a small laugh, leaving the beer on the table as he went around to kiss Bonnie’s cheek, “try and have a good night by separating from work and have some fun, dammit!”

Once the door shut behind the bronzed man Bonnie let out a low sigh, “thanks for the invite!”

And that was the last time Mikey Diaz saw his cousin alive.

A hour or two had passed with Bonnie having to get up for a bathroom break. She tried to hold her bladder for as long as she could and until a commercial came on but that tequila always went through her pretty fast. Shaking out her damp hands, she was just exiting the half-bath downstairs when her ears picked up on the phone ringing. Jogging into the kitchen, Bonnie plucked up the device from the counter, answering it.

“Diaz residence, this is Bonnie speaking.”

“Bonnie!” Jimmy Farrell’s voice yelled through the phone making her sigh as she rested her elbows against the counter, “what’s going on? Don’t tell me you’re still at home?”

“Story of my life, Jimmy.” Bonnie replied, “where are ya?”

“Ya know, the usual, down by the bar. I’m using the pay phone outside. It’s crazy in there.”

“You would think people would have gotten their partying done yesterday.”

“Is that where you were?”

“Nah, that was Friday’s plans.” Bonnie winked, knowing Jimmy could probably picture that as he laughed.

“Ah, of course it was!” Jimmy commented followed by a brief silence, “it’s good to hear your voice, ya know?”

Bonnie couldn’t help it but she instantly felt herself chewing down on the tip of her tongue, although that did not stop the sudden words flying out of her mouth, “is it now? I’m starting to forget what all of you look like.”

“…what do you mean by that?”

“I’m saying…I know we’ve all been busy but it seems like the rest of you always have time for each other.”

“This got to do with Tammy and Mikey?” Jimmy was the first to know about Bonnie’s small crush on Tammy and Tammy was the first to know about her feelings for Jimmy back when they were all teenagers.

Bonnie’s hand tightened on the cordless phone, “I’m over Tammy and Mikey. It is what it is, I stepped back and I respect it. That’s what you do for family right? And It’s not just about them it’s about all of you.”

“What about us, Bon?”

“Why wasn’t I invited tonight?”

Jimmy paused.

“I—we assumed you’d be workin’? Aren’t you? Most of the time you can’t come out because you’re working. And you know you don’t have to ask, just come show your face.”

Huffing Bonnie clenched at her hair, “it’s just feels nice to be included sometimes, even if I can’t or I’m too tired to be there. It’s not something you guys should take personal…it’s starting to feel like you don’t want me around.”

“Who said that?! We love having you.”

Bonnie clenched her eyes shut, feeling them sting as she listened to Jimmy say this. Maybe it was the tequila that had Bonnie a little emotional tonight but a dance party for one might kick that feeling away. Right now? She was on the phone with her old childhood love interest and to hear how genuine the curly haired man sounded felt nice, yet the hurt felt more overpowering.

“Listen…I don’t mean to sound selfish or make everything about me. And I know I sound immature but I just needed someone else to know that I’m still here.” Bonnie felt her voice shake and Jimmy suddenly began to feel like shit.

He pulled at the cord of the payphone as he heard the tone of his dear friend’s voice change. Jimmy Farrell was always fond of Bonnie Polanco, sure he might have been head over heels for Jill Shore but he valued his friendship with Bonnie. He didn’t learn about Bonnie’s feelings until homecoming when they were sixteen and he and Jill called it quits for the 50th time. Jimmy took Bonnie to homecoming because he wanted to, not for pity or to get back at Jill. Jimmy liked spending time with Bonnie, she was driven, slightly spiritual, and allowed Jimmy to be his emotional cancer self—without judgment.

The least he could do was listen to his friend’s concerns.

“How can I forget? Pags and I always ask Mikey about you when we don’t see that pretty face in awhile.” Jimmy told.

Bonnie scoffed, “oh shut up.”

“Seriously! I’m not jokin’, I’m the main one always in your business and Mikey hardly knows shit. I’ve been trying to catch up, left some messages for your uncle to relate to you but I hear you don’t get home until almost eight every night! Are you out with someone else when you get out of work?” Jimmy ranted and it almost made Bonnie smile that someone still cared.

The answer was no.

Neither her uncle or her aunt told Bonnie that Jimmy called for her every so often. Part of Bonnie wanted to believe that it was because of time differences with Bonnie getting home at the latest during the week. However when Bonnie’s uncle did pick her up from work, there was never a conversation about Bonnie and Mikey’s friends. It was always about work with her Tio and with her Tia? She was more concerned about Bonnie’s love life and when she would be someone’s wife.

“Is this your way of asking me if there’s someone else?” Bonnie teased, beginning to move around the kitchen.

Jimmy rubbed at the back of his neck, “well I guess yeah! I want to make sure they’re making you happy.”

“I make myself happy.”

“Sure, sure. That’s fine and dandy,” Jimmy said, “but don’t you want to share that with someone else too? From what I can tell…you sound lonely.”

Bonnie was silent at that for a moment, almost making Jimmy think that the line disconnected. He was just about to say, ‘hello,’ when Bonnie came back in over the line.

“Whatever, it’s cool.”

Jimmy shook his head, not wanting his friend to brush this off. It was common for Bonnie to put things to the side at the expense of others and he hated when she did that.

“How’s Maya?”

See.

“Oh…you don’t know about that. We ended awhile back…she’s with someone else out there. Part of me saw it comin’ but it stung for a bit.” Jimmy stated.

Bonnie hummed. She’s only heard about Maya, didn’t have the chance to meet her but from what she heard Jimmy was smitten with her. Before Bonnie got the chance to meet Maya she was off again…without Jimmy.

“So that means you’re back with Jill. That’s tiring isn’t it?”

Jimmy frowned, “how do you just assume that?”

“It’s the same story all the time Jimmy! And you didn’t deny it.”

“I thought we were talkin’ about you.”

Bonnie summarized, “Okay. I’m lonely and you’re in a exhausting on and off again relationship that’s been going on long before I even got here.”

“We’re open…” Jimmy finalized but it sounded more like a question which made Bonnie laugh as she began going through the cabinets in search of another snack.

Jimmy cleared his throat knowing that there wouldn’t be much time left of this call, “look, I’m always gonna love Jill but we can’t keep holding each other back. It’s her time to go explore the world and the thing between Maya and I was just new, passionate but temporary. It probably would have always been that way.”

“Sexual?”

“Whatever.” Jimmy bit, “I’ve always been sure about you, Bonnie.”

Bonnie couldn’t help but to roll her eyes, “is that so? Meaning?”

“Maybe you’re what I truly need and I was just too stupid and too late to realize that.”

Bonnie was pacing now.

“Jimmy Farrell, are you drunk?”

“I’m sober. Didn’t even touch anything but water tonight for this exact reason. I needed a clear head to say what I’m thinkin’.”

Bonnie stopped in front of the door that led to the backyard. Her eyes went into slits as the automatic lights turned on to a silhouette in the backyard with something glimmering in their hand.

“…There’s a guy standing in the backyard with a knife, that you?”

“A what? How could I be there if I’m on a pay phone with you?”

Bonnie rushed to the door, making sure it was locked and quickly went to the front door to do the same. Next she went to the windows.

“Bonnie? Say something. What’s goin’ on?”

“Is it Pags or Mikey messin’ with me? Maybe they left the bar?”

“No. I would of saw them leave.” Jimmy swallowed the lump in his throat as he looked towards the front door of the establishment, “please tell me you’re pulling my leg just to get me to shut up about the possible idea of you and me getting together.”

“I wouldn’t go to this extreme and I think you know that, Jimmy.” Bonnie felt her heart race as she jogged around the house, turning the tv off to listen to any sound of the intruder.

Then she went back into the hallways to dig in the closet for the metal baseball bat her uncle kept in there. And when she kicked the door shut she was met with the same menacing figure holding a knife. The phone slipped from in between her cheek and shoulder.

Jimmy listened fearfully at the multiple thuds, objects breaking, and your scream that sounded through the phone. He also hollered your name just as the call ended.

The year was 1993; Almost ten years to the exact date when the crew lost Bonnie. It never completely erased from Jimmy’s mind since he was the one who found her and the last that held her. Jimmy Farrell became quite successful as a photographer, alternating his most of his career between Alaska and New York. He was excited to be close to home, in queens for a shared showcase with his old friend Mikey.

“I just want to thank you all for coming tonight,” Mikey started as a circle of familiar and some unfamiliar faces surrounded the two, “I also want to thank my brother Jimmy Farrell for taking the time out of his busy schedule to collab with little ‘Ol me on this very special project.”

Jimmy scoffed with a roll of his eyes as Mikey playfully shook his shoulder, “As you all know it’s not easy work stepping into the art scene and it’s been extremely hard for kids like us. The bridge and tunnel kids. We might not fit your standards but you can never say we aren’t determined, ain’t that right, Jimmy?”

“Absolutely.” He dipped his head, hands lightly clasped in front of him.

Mikey kept a square glass in his hand as he took a deep breath. Jimmy could tell Mikey was nervous and was honored that he picked him to share this moment with. If he stopped fidgeting, Jimmy would have given him a hand as a sense of comfort but he was aware that just him standing up there with Mikey was enough.

“I’ve been in a bit of a fog lately and couldn’t figure out why,” Mikey continued, “it took awhile for me to just do it. Just to be here right now, Despite what my parents said in the beginning and what the art critics said once I started to take art seriously. The last time I put something out was almost a year ago and I knew I needed a nice kick in the ass to continue my craft…which is why I reached out to Jimmy here.”

Jimmy raised his brows wondering if this was his cue to take over and with Mikey briefly holding his hands out to carry on, he took over speaking.

“Mikey didn’t have any consideration for time. My phone’s ringing off the hook and it’s four in the morning! With us having a four hour time difference and I’m thinkin’ whoever the hell this is, deserves a nice kick to the face,” Jimmy explained as he earned some laughter, “I pick it up, still half asleep and to my surprise…it’s Mikey Diaz. He’s one of the bridge and tunnel kids I went to talking to once every two months to talking to every day after that call. At first I thought it was horrible news however that call did change my life.”

Mikey joked, “along with the phone bill, Jimmy.”

“Hey, you started it.” Jimmy argued making Mikey place his hand on his own chest in surrender.

“…Which brings us to this piece here.” Mikey held his arm out to large canvas that was covered with a sheet, “I’m not sure how many of you know what really pushed me to be a artist. It was dark times and not just the rejection of a proposal and finding love with someone else.”

He sent a wink out into the crowd to his wife, Lucy, who blew a kiss his way.

“It was the lost of my cousin, also a upcoming artist, Bonnie Polanco.” Mikey went silent, staring down into his glass for some time.

Jimmy cut in, “she suffered a tragedy back in 1983 at the Diaz household in Long Island. She was murdered at the age of twenty-five and…someone like her can’t be forgotten. Her birthday is tomorrow and we always wonder what plays or movies she would have written and directed.”

“Bonnie should still be here with us,” Mikey found his voice again, “which is why Jimmy and I wanted to keep her memory alive for her thirty-fifth birthday this year. Bonnie was a writer with so much to say that writing was often easier than speaking most days. If you let her, she could go a whole twenty-four hours without saying a single thing but being around guys like Jimmy, another one of our friends, Pags who’s also here with us tonight out in the audience, and myself? We couldn’t have that.”

“Oh no,” Jimmy laughed, “she would always crack with me first though.”

Pags spoke up from the audience, “Yeah, sure in your dreams, Jimbo!”

“Whatever.” Mikey added with a laugh.

“It’s cool?” Jimmy pointed.

Mikey paused at that, picking up on the phrase.

He smiled at his friend as he suddenly ripped the cover off the canvas. His eyes scanning the picture in happiness before his eyes shifted to Jimmy who soon walked over.

“Wow, look at her.” Jimmy breathed.

The image was a picture Jimmy took of Bonnie mid-morning by one of the ponds downtown at home. Jimmy just purchased some film for his new camera and wanted Bonnie to be his first test subject. Sure he was doing a lot at that time, working her angles and even got down on the ground, on his back, to get this particular shot. She had her arm raised to shield herself from the lens but not enough.

Mikey ended up using pieces of the photo that was enlarged on the canvas while the rest happened to be painted by Mikey himself. Mikey also included pieces of her script, she was the only one who wrote in script out of the bridge and tunnel kids—unless they were signing away something.

“Bonnie was working on rough drafts of a untitled story. Most of these words that you see in her handwriting are from that story and some from her own: Q.T.J.—quick thoughts journal that she kept at my parents’ house.” Mikey explained, finally taking his eyes off the artwork to peer at the faces behind him.

Tammy had her hand covering her mouth, tears shining in her eyes.

Mikey turned back to Jimmy who said the next words with him, “This is: Bonnie’s Cool.”

Jimmy reached out to smack Mikey’s shoulder who grinned at him. This was also Jimmy’s first time seeing the image but once he sent over some photos for Mikey to use, he left that creative expression up to him and Jimmy was glad he did. He reached out to share a hug with Mikey who accepted easily accepted the invite.

“This is fuckin’ nuts man.” Jimmy held onto his friend who laughed.

Mikey squeezed the curly headed man, “Couldn’t have done it without ya, Jimmy.”

“…thank you man. Thank you for sharing Bonnie with us forever.” Jimmy found himself whispering.

Mikey began to respond but his words began to fade out. Jimmy found himself seeing Bonnie off to the side, watching as he embraced her family. There she stood, playing with the rings on her fingers like she often did when she was deep in thought. Her head turned back to the art and she found herself scowling at it with a small smile playing on her full lips.

“Thought I told you no photos and to get rid of it, Jimmy?”

“And why would I do that?” Jimmy asked, “It helps to look at when I’m missing you.”

Bonnie huffed in her gold dress as she peered over at Jimmy underneath her eyelashes.

“Whatever.”

“I love you, ya know? Even if we only got to explore that as friends.”

“Nah, I’ll always remember homecoming.” Bonnie winked.

Jimmy thought about that and laughed, “that over the top kiss we shared in front of that moron?”

“ well I enjoyed myself. bruce was being a asshole as usual and you did me a favor by not pushing me off when I planted one on ya.”

“Just for him to be here tonight.”

“Where?”

Bonnie followed Jimmy’s line of sight and grimaced, “and he was talkin’ all that shit about my weight in high school and look at him now? Ten years later, holy shit!”

Bonnie held her mouth open as Jimmy laughed at her, his eyes scanning every detail in her face.

“I wish you could really be here, Bon.”

“I know but it’s fine. I was going to say something corny like, im always here in your heart or something.” Bonnie answered with a shake of her head, making Jimmy snort as she continued, “I’m okay, you’re all doing okay and that’s all that matters.”

Jimmy swallowed, “…I wish we had more time. Wish I could hold you one last time.”

Bonnie stopped twisting her ring and began walking towards Jimmy and Mikey who still held onto each other. Jimmy felt his breathing hitch and closed his eyes as Bonnie got closer. He could still smell her, the light floral scent of baby’s breath—which was strange no doubt, and he wondered if anyone else was witnessing this. He hoped not, he wanted to be selfish and have this moment just to himself. However he knew Mikey felt the brush of coldness that engulfed their bodies in their embrace.

Jimmy and Mikey finally stepped back leaving Jimmy to pat his friend’s face who wiped and sniffed away some tears. They broke apart smiling as Tammy, Pags, Stacey and Jill came up to stand beside them…admiring Bonnie one last time.

⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘

Continue along with my fall anthology prompts here

[gemsgamegems]

I...do not have the necessary energy to transfer my 4774274 screens from my switch to this Tumblr post, and then go back and add the ALT text.

So.

This will be a text only review, and the pictures will possibly come later (and in SMALL batches) sometime...in the future...yeah

I FINISHED VALIDATE LAST WEEK, EEEEEEE!!

Yeah, I started the month/year it came out (Sept/Oct 2022) and then...had to abandon it BUT I have finished, 100% everything (except the dumb rhythm game that unlocks one last CG in Malik's route--okay, the mini game isn't dumb, I just keep getting super low scores and stressing myself out 🤧)

So, some thoughts?

The order I played: Isabelle -> Inaya -> Emhari -> Malik

Favorite characters: Bigs, Isa, Yolanda, Malik, all the kids. God the kids were so CUTE I COULD NOT??????

Favorite routes: All of Malik's (more later), All of Isa's (I just love her SO much??? Literally rooting for her the whole time. Definitely fell in love with her during the demo days and she didn't even have a route out yet!!) Bigs x Emhari (a friendship route in which I was introduced to Bigs and spent the rest of the game's other routes crying that I have to wait until vol. 2 to play as Bigs, God I love him too, stop it 🤧)

Not...favorite characters: Ashlie (which...I understand she's purposefully written to be a bitch, and the girl is going through some Stuff™️, ALSO I played her route back in the original demo days and remember some of said stuff, but...idk. I was not feeling her once I got to Emhari's route 😂) Keaton (yeeaaah his white ass was a Kickstarter tier and I still stand behind the team needing to make it more money to have him in the game. Spoilers spoilers spoilers SPOILERS SPOILERS lol if you're reading this post, it's basically talking spoiler stuff anyway There's the Inaya x Keaton route, and of course they fuck, and I was literally so unimpressed with Keaton's sorry self. Like he's definitely a well written character....but my God, I know ppl--men-- like him IRL and I can't imagine ignoring that particular brand of bullshit and going yeah, let's bump uglies. Good idea. Yup. NO!!! NOT A GOOD IDEA!!! GIRL WHAT??? NOOOOOOO. Lol so ofc I bullied him to get the bad ending card, and then cried when I had to be nicer to get the good ending card lololololll)

Specific thoughts Concerning Isabelle

It's the way I want to go back and replay all her routes??? I felt a strong kinship with Isa before, during and after her routes. I was in the same mental and physical state as Isa when I first played her route, and while she's in the theater world and I was in the retail/customer service one, I related to her creative spirit, her ties and love for her family, hell having to ride the city bus and living with your family because you're afraid/can't afford to strike it out on your own. And yeah. LOL concerning her dates and romance escapades...no there aren't direct parralls to my life with that BUT I had great empathy, and I especially understood where she was coming from in trying to find herself and pursue her own dreams even when she was frigging proposed to and I was like OMG YES GIRL MARRY ANOKI, BE CUTE TOGETHAAA

Specific thoughts Concerning Malik

....I know I curse in these posts anyway, but apologies for this because... NIGGAAAA 😂🙄😐🤣 I should preface this section of rambles with the disclaimer that I have an inherent bias for Malik x Arihi because of the damn demo. And I mean the early days demo, back with the old art style. So like...the VERY first character I played as was Malik and he has vexed, stressed, garnered my emotional support, and then some with his light-skinned self ☠️. He grows a loooot during his routes though: struggling rapper with 2 kids by 2 different moms, still in love with one of them, struggling and then excepting his sexuality, coming to terms with how much his dad fucked up him and his mom...all while being an utter MESS at times. Some of the stuff you could choose to say with him??? 🙄...🤣 Listen, I will clown his ass but I also will be his loudest defender!!! But after a few Ls he did get some huge Ws and I was super proud of him. (Side bar, but I thought was interesting and needed perspective concerning parents who love their children but don't want to be parents. Like...controversial? Very. But not everyone is fit or even wants to be a parent, and I wish we'd stop pushing that idea on people. Anyhooooo....)

To Conclude

I bought the soundtrack, so I love being at work listening to it, or at home and drafting/writing with it playing in the background ($6 USD y'all!!!). The CGsssssssss I liveeeeeeeeeeee 🤧Volume 2, I need very much omg. I know it was scheudled to come out last year, but life happens and I'm sure the team is doing whatever they need to do to get us the next installment of ValiDate. The game very much ticks off the 'slice-of-life' box for me, and it's even more fun as we're removed from the teen side and get to see this trope explored with 20 somethings all from diverse cultural backgrounds, ethnicities, sexualities, and family make ups (ppl are divorced, have broken engagements, are hung up on exes, serial daters, needing friends, etc etc. and that's just volume 1!!)

On a side note, I would recommend playing this on PC or Xbox, and not the switch. I liked playing in bed, but I had soooo many issues with crashing and sprites not appearing, and things not unlocking on my Switch version. It was very annoying. But that aside, I truly love this game and I highly recommend it!