#girl stop calling him piggy

[miraculousbohemian]

best OTP's are Autistic/ADHD, my sources confiremed that

[queenimmadolla]

a little something from the vault. enjoy a little dad!eddie munson x mom!reader and their baby who knows her parents aren’t slick. from the pennyverse, of course. hope you like it :) ♡

You’re peaking your head out of the small kitchen, watching with a fond smile and a full heart as Eddie stretches out on the couch. In his arms, resting on his chest, is your angel of a baby girl. A few months old and developing a funny little personality. That personality does not enjoy napping. 

Penny’s got an extreme case of FOMO; can’t shut those big beautiful, brown eyes of hers if anyone else is awake or existing without her. Hence why your husband is pretending to sleep, though his hand maintains a steady patting rhythm on the baby’s back.

You can tell Penny is tired, rubbing her face with her balled up hands and into Eddie’s shirt out of frustration. Her curls all mussed up from the displays of agitation and from her dad’s fingers combing through the soft tufts over and over again (he can’t help himself, she’s much too cute and her hair is ridiculously soft). After every single little wiggle she does to fight off sleep, she goes real still and cranes her head up to stare at Eddie, who immediately drops his head back onto the pillow, eyelids flying shut. 

Eddie even adds in a few loud, cartoon snores and memememes which have you fighting to control your giggles.

Penny’s stare is unwavering though and you can’t prove it, but you’re positive that even as a baby—she does not trust either you or Eddie to actually be sleeping while putting her down for her naps (you’ve caved a few times—it wasn’t your fault though, whenever you tried the fake sleeping bit, she’d cry to purposely ‘wake’ you up).

Her stare lasts a few moments longer and you can see the twitch of Eddie’s lips, he’s fighting not to smile. Luck is on his side, Penny’s head lulls and then shakes as she once more tries to keep sleep at bay, rubbing her cute little face and those chubby cheeks into her daddy’s shirt.

Eddie makes the mistake of peaking an eye open too early—Penny stills and her head snaps up to catch him and you don’t bother to hide your laugh at his groan as she begins to whimper, having caught on to her daddy’s trick.

“Shhh, sweet pea, please. Close those pretty eyes.” He begs, fingers gently stroking over Penny’s eyelids to close them, and Eddie holds his fingers in place, hoping when he retracts them, her lids will stay closed.

Her eyes snap open the moment he pulls his fingers away and Eddie repeats the gesture, gently dragging her eyelids closed again as she whimpers, “No, you keep those watery eyes closed and to yourself, young lady.”

It’s an empty threat, Eddie’s already readjusting her as he sits up, shooting you a playful glare as he spots you. His next sentence is still directed at the baby in his arms, “You can’t keep getting away with this.”

Penny just whimpers and whines louder as she becomes more fussy, wiggling in her dad’s arms.

“Oh, yeah. You’re not getting out of this one, you are in desperate need of a na-AAHHH! AHHH! HELP! HELP!” Eddie yelps as Penny grasps onto his hair, pulling it with all her might. She can’t even crawl yet, and somehow, she’s got the strength of Hercules in that chunky, dimpled little fist. Eddie’s head is yanked to the side and he’s positive some of his hair will remain in her fist after he gets her to release him.

“Ow, ow—little help here, baby!” He calls out to you and you’re laughing the entire time as you pad over, taking her wrist into one hand as you gently pry her little fingers open. It’s a bit of a challenge, you get one little piggy to release its ironhold, and the moment you move onto the next, she clenches it back into place. 

When you��re down to her pinky, Penny immediately lunges for the curls dangling over Eddie’s other shoulder, and he doesn't grab her other wrist quick enough to stop her, “OH MY GOD, YOU CUTE LITTLE DEMON! Stop it! Release me at once!”

“Hey—she was part of your sperm count.” You can’t stop giggling and Eddie doesn’t look all that amused as he winces when Penny gives a particularly harsh tug on the hair in her other fist, still whimpering.

“I’m acutely aware—ow—that’s why I called her a cute demon—ahah, get it?—OW. Insider knowledge—ow! Okay, that’s it. You are taking this nap whether you like it or not now, you’ve just made this personal.”

[angelbarelywrites]

♡ slashers scenarios | you’re almost a victim..

♡ fandoms; Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2006), Black Christmas, Dead by Daylight, slashers (general)

♡ characters; Micheal Myers, Thomas Hewitt, Billy Lenz

♡ reader; gender neutral

♡ cw; very suggestive content

♡ note; i wasn’t sure how to word the title/concept of this one?? but essentially you’re almost a victim, but you’re a little to okay with it/something they do and it throws them off?? idk just read ‘em

also only 3 little meow meows in this one, i wrote most of this on break at work uwu

•┈••✦ ❤ ✦••┈•

Micheal Myers

> he’s been stalking you for months

> in his mind you’re the perfect victim

> clueless to his presence, adorable and vulnerable

> he’s drawing it out as long as he can

> but he’s practically twitching the night you come out onto your porch in your tight pajama shorts, relaxing with some tea

> he’s got you pinned to the wall before you can even scream

> he wants to savor this, so he keeps his knife tucked away and has a massive hand around your throat

> he doesn’t miss your breath catching

> and he takes a moment to watch your chest heaving, your cheeks all flushed

> but he’s not that easily impressed. could be the lighting. maybe you’re quick to panic.

> “…you’ve been watching me.”

> you knew?

> you knew, and you still played his game

> interesting. very interesting.

Thomas Hewitt

> Tommy boy is already giving you special treatment

> something is different about you

> he’s not sure what, you’re pretty, but he kills plenty of pretty people

> maybe something about the way you look up at him through your lashes?

> and you’re terrified now, but you weren’t scared of the initial sight of him..

> he doesn’t put you on a meat hook, instead rigging you somewhat kindly, your hands chained above your head but your bound feet on the ground

> whatever he decides on, he knows that you’re special. you deserve to be honored.

> he takes extra care in examining you, feeling you shiver as he grazes your exposed stomach - a side affect of your position, but a welcome sight

> he roughly grabs your face and pushes it left and right, pausing to rub your cheek with his thumb

> you would be a pretty face to wear

> he shoves two fingers into your mouth as he’s mentally measuring

> and he practically startles at the noise you make

> he’s never heard a sound like come from a victim- especially not his victims

> when he pushes a bit and you whimper around his fingers it confirms his suspicions. you’d given a choked moan at the initial intrusion

> he stares down at you, breathing heavily through his mask

> oh you were very special

Billy Lenz

> you were renting a spare room in the sorority house

> while you were good friends with the girls, you valued your alone time

> you quickly became Billy’s favorite to watch, mostly because you were always home

> when he calls he always tries to time it so you pick up

> but usually the girls downstairs still answer- you’re never expecting calls so why bother?

> this evening however, he’s lucky- there’s an on campus event and you’re home completely alone

> you answer on the second ring and he’s delighted, immediately babbling profanities and filthy threats

> “gonna fuck that pretty piggy c—“

> to his surprise you giggle at him

> not a nervous sound, but genuine giggling

> before he can snap, or really even process you laughing at him, you stop him

> “yknow if you want phone sex, you can just ask nicely mister”

> he hangs up in a panic

> that was certainly the last thing he expected

> but now he’s beyond fixated on you

> he barely sleeps just to peep through your wall

> and it’s just about time he paid you a real visit

[bloodytittiez]

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey guys [*gets shot*] I know I've never posted any of my writings before, even though I write fanfiction, but this has been collecting dust in my google docs page for nearly two years and it was too good to not share it with you my little kinky freaks/lh/aff (at least I think so)! I hope you enjoy this little smut fic - English isn't my first language so excuse some possible spelling and grammar errors, please... also, KEEP IN MIND THIS WAS A DRAFT! There's a lot of time skips and I doubt I'll ever finish it.

CONTENT WARNING: AFAB reader, vaginal sex, oral sex, teasing, heavy dirty talking, sex without condom, consensual non-consensual, phone sex, masturbation, public sex, porn with plot.

———

Red and blue lights flickering outside, tree branches tapping against the snowy windows of the sorority house. The soft, slow tunes and delicious scents of cinnamon and ginger cookies flowing in the air...

Christmas, such a family centered holiday where there's only place for laughs and sweet surprises, was completely ruined yet another year by him.

It was the fourth time in the night the moaner called. You could see your roommates gag at the blasphemies and curses the stranger yelled at the phone to each one of them– while you seemed to enjoy them in secret.

《Nasty… F-Filthy piggy. Bi-Billy has a big juicy fat cock he k-knows you’d love to suck on… I-It’s dripping wet and it f-fits in your mouth.》

You crossed your legs as ‘‘Billy’’ —you had no idea if that even was his actual name— spat nonsensical words for the sake of feeling some friction against your womanhood. His descriptions were so detailed that you could picture them perfectly in your head.

《Billy w-will kill each one of you… Tonight.》He breathed out in a way that felt almost a threat, his sentence getting distorted when it reached the other side of the line. Everyone could tell he was all tensed up for the way he gripped the phone.

《I can’t stand you anymore, you fucking pig!》

《Pig… P-piggy! Naughty piggy…》 The moaner repeated, mocking a very stressed out Jess Bradford.

《Jess.》 You interrupted the leader of your group with a serene expression, finally standing up from your seat when you felt her anxiety grow. 《Let me take care of the situation.》 You suggested while you took the device out of her hands before she would say anything, and covering the speaker you added something;

《Why don’t you guys go to bed? It’s way too late already.》

《But we can’t leave you alone with that creep!》 Jess exclaimed.

《Don’t worry about it. Someone has to confront him already and that’s going to be me.》 You answered, already building up enough courage to complete the task. 《Please.》 You looked up at the concerned eyes of every girl occupying the room while you could hear Billy talking to himself on the other side of the line. 《You girls need some rest. It’s been a long day.》

Jess and the rest stood there in silence, trusting your words. She gave you a small nod and parted her lips to articulate a silent ‘‘thank you’’ before leaving the room with relief. You knew she didn’t have enough energy to argue, and so did the rest.

You smiled when you returned to the call, grabbing the phone with distinguished elegance in your movements. A soft smile formed in your face and felt a sudden flock of butterflies inside of your stomach. It definitely wasn’t a good idea to play along with who you knew was a creep, but a part of you loved the thrill and danger in doing that. You could hear your sweet mother’s voice in your head begging to stop what you were doing as you answered Billy. To hell with her warnings of not picking up the phone to strangers!

Tonight was going to be different. May this be your very own Christmas gift…

《Hello, Billy.》 You tried not to come off as rude at first.

《Yes, yes… Hello there, my darling… It's so nice to hear your voice. You sound like an angelic creature.》

《Do you know who I am?》 You asked.

《 Yes... Yes, I know you. The quietest slut of the bunch. Billy loves to see your pretty ass swaying around when you walk. Yes… You filthy, nasty whore love to tease Billy’s cock. I know that well. Billy saw this naughty piggy touch herself… S-saw you cry out for Billy in the intimacy of your room.》

You couldn’t help but fluster at his obscene rambling and switched the phone to your other hand. You were the kind of person that would move around constantly when you felt nervous about something. In this case, a stranger that saw you masturbate plenty of times before. Poor you… How many times exactly did Billy hear you pronounce his name under muffled moans? You could feel your heart rate at the top of your throat, flooded in embarrassment as he playfully mocked you.

But; back to his confession though, you definitely couldn’t deny something that was completely true and after spending some seconds in silence you finally spoke up, a cigarette being held in between two of your shaky fingers so you could calm yourself down.

《Would you like me to do it now? Touch myself for you?》

《Yes. Yes. YES!》 He demanded in an almost feral manner.

You nodded in response to his pleas as the flame of your lighter lit the cigarette and kept paying attention to his delicious blasphemies. You were enjoying the moment more than you would like to admit. 《Touch yourself f-for B-Billy...》 He insisted, despair breaking in his voice. 《I want to hear your sweet moans like when you finger yourself alone.》

You held the phone between your ear and your shoulder, letting one of your hands completely free and trailing down to your skirt as the mysterious man dictated. 《Roll your skirt up… Billy wants to see your juicy ass aswell.》

Your pussy soon got filled with two of your fingers, exploring every inch of your insides.

You were so warm…

So wet…

It was hard to believe how turned on you could get by the phone calls of a creep. Being manipulated in such ways by a man that you'd never seen before.

《I'm doing it, Billy…》 You sighed, moaning his name under your soft breath. 《I'm touching myself.》

The mysterious man groaned and panted on the other side of the line, incapable of forming coherent words. 《Move the phone down to your pretty slick… Billy wants to hear the sound of your wet cunt.》

His voice sent chills down your spine while you placed the speaker close to your pussy, fingering it with oh, such passion in every one of your circular motions. Obviously, you made sure that the sound of the friction of your digits was audible enough for Billy.

《Fuck…》 He groaned once more. 《I want to taste your pretty pink cunt… Oh Y...Yes… I will. I bet it tastes as sweet as you do. B-Billy wants to lick your tits and your round juicy ass.》 The man chuckled with a childish tone as you could hear him stroking his length while getting indulged in his fantasies. 《Suck on your nipples too… Squeeze those tits ‘till they turn red like two christmas ornaments…》

His words made you shove your fingers even deeper in you. You were getting too carried away right when you heard the mysterious man hang up the phone.

You grabbed it close to your ear, wondering what happened.

《Hello? Billy? Are you still there?》

Only the empty beeping of the phone answered you, leaving you completely disappointed and wet.

You took a deep puff of your cigarette and hung up the phone in return when you got tired of listening to the dull melody of the lost connection, then mumbled something and decided to go to your room for some rest too. Maybe Jess and Barb were right after all, there was no point on wasting your time on that fucking moaner guy you all couldn’t stand.

You turned off the lights outside, blew the candles in the living room and grabbed a little candy cane from the coffee table. You thought the night was over and your only comfort now was a little sugary treat.

But, when you suddenly walked into a dark corner of the stairs, a pair of big hands pinned you on the wall. An audible yelp escaped your lips as you heard a man's voice speaking in an attempt to reassure you. It was the same one you'd always hear on the phone.

《Shh… S...Shhh… It's okay… It's me, Billy.》

The man caressed your cheeks in a sloppy manner and covered your mouth. 《Pretty piggy… Where do you think you are going? Billy isn't finished with you yet… There are so many nasty things Billy wants to do to you…》

You tried to pick small bits of his face in the darkness when he slowly released you from his grasp. It felt rather strange to see him in person.

A tall figure partially hidden in the shadows, green eyes that would stare directly into your soul and long, curly hair caressing the sides of his forehead. Billy's description didn't fit his personality at all. He had the looks of a gentleman but the mouth of the devil. Although; you had to be honest about something. You still wanted to fuck Billy despite of his looks. They didn't matter much to you when his low and menacing tone is what drove you absolutely crazy for him at first.

His hot breath hitting against your neck soon turned you on again.

《Billy… I thought you weren't interested in me anymore. Why did you hang up on me?》You pouted, wanting to tease him as an act of revenge.

The way you said those words, with such a sweet yet innocent tone made the man react in ways you exactly wanted him to.

《N...No. Billy came a-all the way here to see you. Billy craves your body.》

You dragged his fingers across the line of your lips as an excuse to turn him on as well. You liked the way he sounded, so nervous. He could break down at any moment and you liked that.

The warmth of his digits along the surface of your puffy lips, bringing goosebumps across your whole body. You parted your lips and spoke again.

《How much do you crave my body?》 You attempted to lick his index finger to which got you a slight moan in response.

《S-So much...》

《Show me then, Billy. I’ve been wanting to do this for the longest time…》

You finally confessed while you rolled your tongue out of your mouth and placed his finger on top. You sucked on it gently from the base to the tip.

———

Billy yanked your hair with such strength, dragging your puffy velvet lips to his dripping cock. His tip forced them open and soon his shaft filled your mouth hole.

Strands of hair tangled up around his fingers, both of you now locked together for god knows how long. You made the man shiver with anticipation as his tip brushed the back of your throat, leaving it hot and irritated.

You couldn't help but gag and drool repeatedly for he didn't give you a single break. But you didn't mind. You finally had what you craved.

‘‘Billy's juicy fat cock…’’

His words showed up in your brain, accompanied by a clear image of the cock that was stuffing your mouth in that very moment. Your horny mind couldn't help but recap every single quote that made you fall madly in love with him. Blame it on your degrading kink as a result of many failed relationships.

Billy bent you over with the same strength as before, ripping a yelp out of your throat while you grabbed the handrails so you wouldn't fall down the stairs and cause a scene.

Your ass now completely exposed was facing him, rubbing against his wet cock.

The man leaned over you and hands crawled around your stomach to hold you firmly as he would start rocking his hips at a slow pace. His left hand roamed free around your belly and later your clit, while his right one stayed busy pinching and twisting your nipples ever so slightly.

Billy could make you scream at any given time.

He could definitely break you. Turn you into his pretty little fucktoy, but having sex in a set of stairs definitely required some precaution.

《Billy. We should move somewhere else…》You gasped as soon as you could catch some air and already felt your whole body sore from standing up there. 《What if someone wakes up and sees us here?》

《If someone sees us…》 He repeated. 《I…It won't matter. I want them to see YOU moaning f-for Billy. Want them t…to see just how good you can take a cock.》

He purred into your ear as he covered your mouth to force your jaw open widely for him. Holding your breasts better around his hands he rubbed them together and squeezed them. You felt his wet cock pressing against your folds, desperately trying to make its way inside of you. God it felt so good to finally experience how all of his sinful threats came true one by one. Little whines came out of your mouth when you tried to accommodate to his size but he didn't let you. He was more than aware of his power and chuckled playfully.

《Billy's cock feels so good inside of your wet cunt. You are taking it so well. So tremendously well. Don't stop squealing, my little dirty piggy.》

You obeyed and let out a bunch of more moans caused by the pain of quick and deep thrusts. It was embarrassing to echo your satisfaction to an empty living room... And definitely hoped the girls closed their doors upstairs.

———

Billy noticed the red and white swirled candy that you were holding in your hands and took it from you while he turned your body around so that you could face him now.

Still holding your waist, he licked the candy cane until it would remain a little damped. You were staring at his eyes in a mix of excitement and curiosity the whole time and snickered.

He spreaded your folds and shoved the candy inside.

《Billy's gonna make this wet cunt even tastier.》

———

The chorus of early birds singing outside and gentle sunrays kissing your face woke you up the next morning. You stretched your arms, your legs and then… A pinch on your sore waist fully woke you up. You remembered what happened last night soon after that and smiled.

You sat up in bed and noticed a candy cane wrapped its plastic with a small green bow and a note. You had no idea when and how it got there, perhaps Claude; the sorority cat stole it from the silver platter downstairs and left it in your bed as a mere coincidence. You elongated your arm to pick it up and brushed strands of hair behind your ears to read it better.

It said ''Merry Christmas. With love, Billy'' in a surprisingly tidy calligraphy.

His name made your heart flutter and cheeks aroused when you remembered more details about last night.

You unwrapped the candy cane and tasted it, its sweet flavor melting in your tongue.

Maybe Christmas wasn't completely ruined this year.

[homocidal-invader]

Professor Membrane: Good or Bad Father?

I've decided to scientifically argue weather or not Professor Membrane from Invader Zim father of Dib Membrane and gasoline the other one by going through EVERY EPISODE of Invader Zim (that he appears in) and making a point counter of every good and bad action he does.

Episode 1 The Nightmare Begins Ignores Dib -1 point

Episode 2B NanoZim Just gives him the tiny ship when he needs help even though what he says is insane. Proffy doesn't even call him insane just tells him to run along + 1 point

Episode 3A Parent Teacher Night He tried to show up for the meeting,,, even if it resulted in the lab exploding. + 1 dad point - 1 scientist point

Episode 6B Battle Dib Didn't recognize his son - 1 point Too hard to contact - 1 point Gave Dib the permission slip + 1 point

Episode 8B Bad Bad Rubber Piggy MADE HIS SON INTO A COOL ASS BATTLE ROBOT TO PREVENT HIM FROM DYING + 1 point

10B Bloatys Pizza Hog Only one annual family night out - 1 point Lets Gaz choose wherever she wants + 1 point Made sure Dib also came + 1 point If Dib doesn't show up, he'll put it off for next year - 1 point 12B Game Slave 2 One of the best lines in the show + 1 point

13 Battle of the Planets Told his son aliens were fake and said he had a big head as a baby. The iconic line "my poor insane son" debuts this episode. - 1 point

14 Halloween Spectacular of Spooky Doom said "It was only a matter of time" for Dib going to HIS INSANE ASYLUM THAT HE OWNS. - 1 point Did not consider Dib's opinion for a second. - 1 point Sent Dib to the asylum. For the rest of his life. - 1 point And an extra bad point, because that's really bad, and the worst thing he's done in the show and what most people remember him for. - 1 point Another bad point for apparently experimenting on baby Dib so much he has subconscious trauma over it. - 1 point

15B Future Dib Neglects his children (hasn't shown up for weeks) - 1 point However he makes prerecorded messages for them so he's not totally abandoning them. + 1 point Inviting his kids to the infinite energy thingy. + 1 point Pat Gaz on the head + 1 point Noticed Dib was missing immedietely + 1 point He told Gaz to make sure Dib doesn't do anything embarrassing. - 1 point Waited for his kids despite jeers from the audience + 1 point DOESN'T GIVE EVERYONE PERPETUAL ENERGY BECAUSE THEY DISRESPECTED HIS KIDS + 1 dad point - 1 scientist point Membrane doesn't realize the robot dib is fake - 1 point

18B The Sad Sad Tale of Chickenfoot Invasion of privacy by letting randoms in the house. - 1 point Calls his son insane to everyone there. - 1 point Insisting what his son's future is as I'm assuming he does that a lot offscreen. - 1 point Not defending Dib when everyone starts laughing at him - 1 point

20 Tak The Hideous New Girl Trying to make friends with Dib's friend :) + 1 point

21 Backseat Drivers from Beyond the Stars Tells Gaz to be nice to his brother and helps her out with her problem. + 1 point Calls Dib insane behind his back - 1 point

23b Dibship Rising He LIED about the can of beans wiping out ALL HUMAN LIFE - 1 point?

25 Gaz Taster of Pork Always keeps the fridge stocked with good food + 1 point Stopped what he was doing immedietely to help Gaz with her problem + 1 point Put his kid on public TV without consent - 1 point Turned his kid into an experiment - 1 point Makes his children have to do an escape sequence at all - 1 point Apologizes + 1 point

27 The Most Horrible X-Mas Ever Trusted Dib with his anti-santa arsenal + 1 point

DELETED EPISODES!

Mopiness of Doom Listened to Dib + 1 point Told Dib to give up on his dreams - 1 point Very encouraging to Dib + 1 point Constantly checking in on Dib + 1 point Very tuned into Dib's emotions and be able to tell when something is bothering him + 1 point Professor Membrane's love is conditional - 1 point Complaining about Dib to Gaz - 1 point

10 Minutes to Doom Did not recognize his son - 1 point Did not want to get involved with Dib's fashion matters - 1 point Deciding to take a look anyways + 1 point Didn't to his son and now insisting that they have to stop him - 1 point

Day of Da Spookies Calls his son insane - 1 point Stopping work to help him anyways + 1 point

TOTAL SCORE

Good Points - 25 Bad Points - 30

ENTER THE FLORPUS

Making his kids a food robot + 1 point Waiting for Dib + 1 point Calling his son insane to Gaz - 1 point Telling Gaz to be supportive, even using metaphors + 1 point BEHOLD MY BOY CHILD + 1 point Mean to Dib about his interests - 1 point Arguing - 1 point Calling Dib's spaceship fake - 1 point Wishing isn't very scientific son - 1 point Patting his son on the head + 1 point Unprovoked calling Dib's ideas imaginary - 1 point Confirming he knows aliens exist, thus meaning that he's just saying they don't to be mean to his son specifically - 1 point Insisting it's a hallucinations so hard - 1 point Saying he'll always be proud of his son before he thinks he's going to die + 1 point Saved his son from a pit! + 1 point Helped fight off robots with Dib + 1 point Saying "great work honey" to Gaz + 1 point Using the moose without arguing + 1 point Pretending like all of it was a hallucination - 1 point Convincing everyone else it was a hallucination too - 1 point 10 Good point 10 Bad points

TOTAL SCORE

Good Points - 35 Bad Points - 40

RESULTS ARE IN!!!! Professor Membrane, SCIENTIFICALLY, is a BAD DADDYO!!!!!!

[happeehippie]

instagram j.b.

summary: follow along with joe and his fiancé evie as the go through his football career.

*face claim is Yasmin Quintana*

series masterlist.

breezyevie

liked by nfl, bengals, joeyb_9, and 927,028 others

breezyevie: i’m proud of my joey, win or lose you’re my guy forever. until next season. ✌🏼

view all 7,359 comments…

user: those penalties at the end were BS!!

> breezyevie: you said it !!

user: you are cringe garbage

user: not you dyeing your hair before the biggest game of the year.

> breezyevie: maybe it was bad luck.

user: thank you for bringing such positivity to fan base

user: i love you and the bengies so much

> breezyevie: i love you!

joeyb_9: special season. thank you for being there, you rock ev. ❤️

> breezyevie: special guy. 🤍

user: i can’t believe that you’re joe b girlfriend

millyg: you’re cincy’s hero.

> breezyevie: you’re my hero.

joeyb_9

liked by nfl, bengals, and 1,739,927 others

joeyb_9: Back to work.

view all 98,626 comments…

user: keep shining joey, you’ll be back next year

user: now i can block evie till next season, i only follow for you.

breezyevie: you are the most inspiring and dedicated person i know. i’m obsessed with you.

> user: girl we know. get a life.

user: i’m calling it now they go undefeated next season

user: we will be back. WHO DEY!!!

user: this had me tearing up

> breezyevie: i’ve cried so much. just let it out.

user: does this mean that ur cringy gf won’t be posting you anymore?

> user: y’all love to hate on a girl for living her life.

breezyevie

liked by joeyb_9, millyg, and 920,736 others

breezyevie: life update for you stalkers. 🤪

view all 9,826 comments…

user: gross

user: that drink looks so good

> breezyevie: it was amazing!!

millyg: i still can believe i wasn’t invited

> breezyevie: don’t hate me. 😅

user: clout chaser

user: you’re my idol

> breezyevie: stop, my heart will explode. 🤍🤍🤍

user: imagine joe b is ur man?

> user: and she’s so average..

user: i already can’t wait to see your game day fits. is it september yet?

user: please quit posting with joe, i’m trying to forget you’re the one who has him tied down.

joeyb_9

liked by breezyevie, ufc, lahjay10_, and 612,597 others

joeyb_9: preciate all of the fighters that didn’t beat me up this weekend. @ufc

view all 817 comments…

breezyevie: it’s the bucket hat for me

> joeyb_9: just call me joe buckets

> breezyevie: gtfo. 🤣

user: coldest qb

user: stupid pic

user: didn’t know joey b was chill like that

user: why didn’t ev go to the fight?

> user: no one wants to see him with his busted gf

> user: they’re engaged now

> user: that’s even worse

lahjay10_: no ev slander around here

> breezyevie: you’re my favorite. 🤍

breezyevie

liked by joeyb_9, eviesmomma, nascar, and 659,269 others

breezyevie: is she a nascar girly now?

view all 5,272 comments…

user: i hate when ur posts come up on my page

user: a post that isn’t about joe? *gasp*

joeyb_9: you’re just the coolest person i know.

> breezyevie: it’s natural swag

user: iconic look

user: fine i’ll watch @nascar now

lahjay10_: she drive that fast car

user: is this why you weren’t at ufc with joe

user: are you going to become an influencer now

user: omg look at you!

user: i wanna be you when i grow up

> breezyevie: be better than me! be YOU!!

user: what a sellout. quit piggy backing off of your bf and get a real job

joeyb_9

liked by breezyevie, millyg, and 936,937 others

joeyb_9: Today and always… Happy Anniversary Ev, your gift is this pic on my feed.

view all 89,625 comments…

breezyevie: thanks for being you and for being mine.

> user: all of the “joe never post her” commenters, refer to the above photo.

> user: i liked it better that way

user: he deserves so much better

lahjay10_: there’s no joey b without ev! happy anniversary.

user: no way he’s got a gf!!!

> user: they have been together for like six years? like how did you miss that?

user: that should be me

user: when he didn’t post her i could pretend she didn’t exist

user: happy anniversary to my mom and dad!

bengals: Happy Anniversary to Jovie!

user: break up with her, i’m hotter.

breezyevie

liked by joeyb_9, millyg, and 973,026 others

breezyevie: some randoms of my jb. im so lucky that i fell in love with someone who became hot and famous. my life is brighter with you in it, happy anniversary baby.

view all 200 comments…

*comments on this post are limited*

user: i can’t wait for this wedding

user: ev is always clutch with the unseens

joeyb_9: hot, famous, and taken. it’s you and me baby.

user: mother has fed us today

user: it’s sad that she limited comments

> user: i never thought id see the day that comments would bother her, she’s got thick skin.

> millyg: sometimes it doesn’t matter how thick your skin is when the whole internet is shitting on you just bc they want your man.

breezyevies ig stories:

[sea-of-dust]

MAKOTO YUKI x GN! Reader

Summary: Dating headcannons

N: I had this just rotting bro posting this with the event. Ik u don't read these angst jumpscare. Also DO NOT listen to Malice Mizer OR SWEET (p5) while reading fanfic or headcannons for this guy you'll cry 7 times

Hm? Is something your gonna hear alot. He notices everything. Sometimes he purposely doesn't push you to tell him, other times he's told by Yukari.

He knows when your troubled, you can tell when he knows what's going on as he tends to get a bit closer before going "hm?" You notice when he's trying to comfort you. Trying to be sneaky just makes it more obvious, it's even more odvious when he sneaks snacks to you near your door, like he isn't the first suspect.

"?" He lays his head on your shoulder slowly inching closer. "You look like you're fuming. Did something happen?" "Nothing much just a headache" "I see" you never feel his arms wrapped around while you as you stood next to him, soft hums comming from him.

Makoto tries to hide his affections in public. Limiting it to hand holding or subtle matching things you both had on your person. The fewer people the higher the chance of him taking a small snooze on your shoulder, you end up giving him piggybacks when he does this.

He let's you listen to music with him. At the cost of a small tease. "I wanna listen aswell..." You look away clearly flustered to ask this "and why would my dove want that?" "HUH" you look at him wide eyed seeing him smirk "BRO" "? I thought I was your boyfriend" and back to the straight faced s.e.e.s boy. This was his way of flustering you, calling you a random nickname and then acting like nothing happened, you always reset back to bro when he does this making it even better for him.

He wanders...alot. This guy would get lost in a supermarket and be like "oh I lost them..." and then find you calmly while you'd just panic about where he was. He always appears from nowhere when this happens. "I've looked everywhere jimpei I'm considering going into the fountain..." "you walk so fast" he burries himself into the nape of your neck, "I almost lost you again" you were so lucky jimpei was on the phone and not in person or you two would have never stopped getting teased when you got to school

If you ever wondered about s.e.e.s or ever wondered why he was always so tired, he'd act like he didn't hear you. "So what's s.e.e.s, heard it had something to do with some sorta time thing?" He'd be right next to you. You saw him peak up and just go back to staring into the void seconds later. "I know you heard me" you furrow your brows slightly but he just lays there for a bit moves his hair and then goes "huh?" "UGHHH" you're not getting him to budge

That would be the case if you didn't have a persona he'd still try to pretend he didn't know until you saved him from a few shadows. "How did you get knocked down by wind of all things imagine I blow and you and you get stunned" your persona deals with them easily while you help him up. "So what is this place my princess, my shawty bae, my-" "please...shut up" "nah baby girl you brought this on yourself" he sighs but he did enjoy the free piggy back ride so he pretended the wind hit him THAT hard.

"You're still carrying him around" Yukari cringes "he can barely keep his eyes open tho" "oh he'll live watch this" Yukari turns around "we're gonna go get a sna-" "don't say it infront of jimpei unspelled" he groans nuzzling back into your neck "told ya, get him off your back" easier said than done the guys like those theme park bracelets you'll never get him off. "Yukari let go of me" his voice a bit annoyed "no chance! Come on you gotta walk like the rest of us think of y/ns back!" You got him to walk...but he had to hold your hand and would almost drift off again if you haven't move away everytime you noticed. "Please try to stay awake were almost done" "...." You catch his head "don't lean on me, how about this you can rest once we get back to my room" he suddenly has enough energy to walk without leaning on you.

He loves whenever he goes to your dorm. It always feels so calm in there like some sorta checkpoint. Sometimes he gets there before you already laying there like it was his own room. "Welcome home" "oh minato- wait...howed you get in" "you left the door unlocked" "oh" he tries to use the 'just wanted to study with you excuse' nah the dudes there for every kind of sfw romantic thing you can think of. He's there to be called lover boy unironcally! "Funny how you aren't as sleepy during the night" you move closer to him "you're nocturnal" you joke playfully giving him a small kiss on the cheek. In actuality he had eaten a bunch of candy so he could stay awake with you.

Take him with you everywhere!! If you'd e-mail him about anything related to heading out you don't even have to invite him he'd just magically appear. You don't even have to say WHERE you're going. "How do you always know where I am?" "This place is small"

He'd know what your into without you telling him almost sniffing it out. "I thought you'd like this" he hands you a small gift watching you blush immensely. "Howed you know I liked this kinda stuff" "I figure stuff out quickly" he did have hints though. The way you acted the way you looked at things simular to it. it made it odvious you'd like one of those.

He hides when he's sick always trying to hold back coughs or sneezes he suffers in silence and would prefer it that way. Why? Because the first time he was sick infront of you or anyone else no one wanted to be around him incase it spread. You were willing to of course until Mitsuru put a ban on seeing him for the sake of everyone's health, you still got tests to deal with ya know! So now he just hides it trying to recover quickly. Can't say the same for you though "cough cough! Ah sorry I've had a really bad cold lately" all he needed to hear to have you carried back to your dorm after school. "When we're you able to manhandle me" "please take this" he hands you a small medicine cap expecting you to drink it from there. "It's just a cold" "colds don't have you coughing yourself into orbit for it to just be a casual one" sighing you gulp it down

He'll pretend to not know how to put on his ribbon and ask if you're able to help him. Then turn around pull it off and look at you with a "can you do it again" face. He just likes the way you tie it while you're on the train with him.

Fastest Emailer EVER. You'd think it would take him litteral years since he sometimes leaves people out to dry, according to jinpei, and then he'd respond at the speed of sound to you nearly as fast as the email sends.

You try to pitch his cheeks only to get him to revert to an angry cat. So you've resorted to softer smaller pinches, he dosent mind as much now just don't too it too often or he'll start pinching you too

He may like using yarn with you. Depends on how easy it is though. "What are you making?" "A heart bracelet a girl asked me to make for her and her boyfriend" he reaches for your hand "do you mind if I try this?" "Sure it's in the left drawer" he could barely make the heart at first but as soon as you got a clipboard involved it was a whole diffent story, he was a machine, you didn't know this at the time but you definitely accidently made a yarn bracelet monster. Must have found out they can be made into sp items. That's why there's a lock on the left drawer now, he never opened it without asking its just to keep him from getting ideas, it does the opposite

He has his flirtatious momments, mostly just because he wants to tease you. It starts with a perfectly silent momment, in the classroom when they finally let you sit with him, nearly asleep in a library, on very rare occasions tartarus, he'd smirk and then lock in for the absolute chaos he's about to cause. A simple lean into your ear whispering softly yet clearly "I want a kiss" your eyes would always widen but you'd also respond with a whisper back "now?" Clearly slightly baffled you kiss him on the cheek quickly. Oh but sometimes that isn't enough, sometimes he just wants to see you melt, rubbing his hand on your already flushed cheek he leans in drowsy eyes meeting yours "I want a bit more please" he does enjoy you cupping his face and kissing him. When he does stuff like that you thank the lord the sees memmbers split up or you two are pretty much alone together.

There are times he's tempted to kiss you and then act like he didn't do anything. Cheeks are his favorite you can barely see him comming,*chu*, and now he gets to tease you make you think he never did such a thing "stop kissing me while i study" "wadya mean" "you gotta study focus on that" "i wanna focus on you more" "huh?" Another quick kiss "you did it again" "i dunno what youre talking about" exhaling you kiss him under the eye "lets get back to studying before it gets too late" and then hed lean onto your shoulder. He wants you to catch him more often

"I bought a camera! Let's take a few snaps, just the two of us!, "I don't see why not" holding the camrea steady, you take a picture of the shell he found. *SNAP* a picture of him looking out on the beach. *SNAP* "Why are you taking so many of me?" "I want you to last forever" putting the camrea down and walking toward him, he reaches his hand out. "Oh sure" you give it to him and he holds it up, making sure you're both in frame. *SNAP* a picture with both of you smiling as the sun sets on the beach. Softly looking at your features, his eyes land on ur lips, then cheek, eyes, then back to your cheek again. Smiling to himself, he holds it up again "you mind if we take another?" "Alright" *SNAP* soft lips press your cheek the momment the camera flashes. "You mind if I get another, the picture might be a bit blurry" with a rare smile on his face he pockets the picture. You covering the cheek he had just kissed. "Sure..." still surprised you lean into him smiling as the shyness gets to you. *SNAP* another kiss, happy with the photo he turns to you. "Do you have any plans after this?" "No it's straight to the dorm for me" "perfect" "?"

As you two walk home after changing clothes, he seemed to be more bright than usual as you wondered why, you were happy you got to see him smile like that. "I have something for you" "really? Me too!" "I'll meet you in your room then" hugging you before he leaves to his room to pick up your gift you collect what you had gotten for him, a DVD, a small bag with candies, and a rare jack frost you had won that you've customized to look like him. As soon as he opens the door you try to hide your gifts behind your back. "I can see them" "No you cant" softly giggling to himself he closed the door and gave you a case with a small bag with it. "Well since you've already seen then" you slide over the minato frost with the other things on its lap. "I saw someone do it on the internet and wanted to make one of you..." averting his eyes afraid he may not like it. He grabs its hands, then it's crocheted hair "it looks just like me" he pulls its cheeks. "And this is what I got for you" giving you the case and small bag. You decide to open the case first. Inside was a pair of headphones and a music player the same model as his. "How'd you know I wanted one?" "You eye mine alot, so I just figured" without much thought, you kissed his cheek "I don't know if I could put into words how thankful I am" You kiss him again. Excitedly, you open the small bag, revealing a bunch of stickers. "I wanted to decorate this with you if you don't mind" "I don't see why not" you excitedly put the sticker on his face then the case almost 5 stickers later his face again. "You look so cute with them all over you" "right back at you" giggling at his joke, you cover the player carefully in stickers with him. He even showed you how he put his music onto them.

Eventually what nearly always happens when he's in your room happens, his soft eyes flutter shut while laying on your bed the frost that looks just like him in hand. *SNAP* *SNAP* the opportunity was just too good to pass up, one for you and one for him to wake up to. You lay next to him moving his hair as to see both eyes. "Sweet dreams" your eyes grow heavy as they close. Days were sweet after that though you did notice him being a bit more busy, you didn't even notice when January ended, and he was nowhere to be seen. You asked most of the people you knew that spoke to him but they just ended up near teary eyed or near unable to say a word about it. "He's in a coma" Jinpei finally is able to croak out, "we don't know what happened to him" you feel your heart drop at his words, near running to the hospital after school and laying by his side. He looked so peaceful, you'd wonder what he was experiencing. Holding his hand for what seemed like it could be the final time you left, it felt a bit scary walking home without him with you.

You put on the music player he gave you, all covered in stickers he helped you put on. "Burn my dread...full moon full life...memmories of-" you hault finding yourself at the dorm, you go in, putting your hands in your pocket, reminding you of him, accidently touching his spare key he gave you, your mind suddenly asked you to go into his room. It felt like snooping, but the thought just wouldn't let you go. Opening the door, you find something on his desk, a letter along with a few pictures. "I may have forgotten to ask someone to give this to you, but I hope it someday reaches you, I'm writing this just in case something bad happens to me, I'm gonna miss seeing you when I wake up and waking up before you. All those candies I ate from you because I wanted to stay up late, all the times I've gotten free piggyback rides around town. I'm gonna miss you above all. I'm sorry I took your camera" getting to that part you look at the pictures on the desk one of him sleeping with the frost you made him, one of you trying on his sees uniform. "To be fair you already seen most of them, I just thought that if anything happened you'd want some of me" scattering them multiple pictures of him trying on your accessories, pictures of him smiling widely at your favorite places, pictures of him trying diffrent hairstyles. "I've bought a replacement film in advance, if you need to you can take my jacket and the mako-frost. They'll keep you warm" You look at more pictures, pictures of you and him, the kiss at the beach, you napping on him, a picture of you crocheting. "If push comes to shove, don't forget about me, keep living on, Makoto ps: thanks for letting me get this close to you"

[fatswaps]

PLUMBER BODY SWAP

Minh was what many woukd refer to as, the perfect guy. He was smart, as shown by his exceptionally high grades. He had the looks of a supermodel, always the subject of awe for every girl and even some of the guys on campus. And, perhaps most important to the unfortunate events that would unfold, He was just a few months into his 18th age. The young man had everything he could ever ask for, and with such great traits, came perhaps the only aspect of Minh most couldn't stand- his disrespectful attitude. Minh really didn't shy away from treating those he seemed as unattractive in comparison to himself with the same resoect he'd show to an insect. But his pretty looks and large circle of acquaintances were enough to keep him surrounded by friends.

Though Minh would have his comeuppance one faithful night at a dorm party. The boys Minh was friends with were doing their usual activities such as drinking, making an overall mess and damaging dorm property. Markably, that night- it was the dormroom toilet which had been broken by the rowdy college boys. One of the pipes had been broken apart by one of the boys hitting it with a golf club in a not-so hilarious prank.

After the boys setttled down a bit, they soon realized they'd be forced to call the college plumber, an older guy called Steve. It was common for students to make fun of Steve for his big gut and in their eyes, "lowly" job of fixing their shitters. Once called over, the boys snickered and pushed one another to talk to the exhausted old guy at which point, Minh heroicly stepped forward and said "Hey... so, our pipes got broken. Guess you didn't do a very good job last time" he smirked, which Steve could only reply with an irritated sigh "You'll have to wait for tomorrow for me to fix it" he made his stance and was about to leave when the irritated younger man scoffed "What? Going home to eat some slob piggy?" He insulted the poor man, which was when he stopped in his tracks. "You know what, show me the way."

Smirking victoriously, Minh lead Steve to the bathroom but the moment he stepped inside- he blacked out and time itself seemed to become hard to decipher from space.

When he came to, Minh saw a familiar sight sitting on the stairway he'd led the fat plumber up to reach the bathroom where he heard his own voice say "Yeah, thanks for the job bro. Now piss off, this party is for young people". He didn't understand what was happening until he was pushed out the door- by himself!

Minh was confused as he fell to the floor outside his door room in the corridor. Taking a moment to recall what had happened- he soon realized everything got weird after he went into the bathroom with the plumber guy... speaking of, where was he?

It was at that moment Sing caught a reflection of himself in the mirror at the end of the hallway... that was not his body, that was NOT his pretty young face. That was the face of the 87 year old plumber he made fun of on a daily basis!

Having freaked out would be an understatement as the freshman-turned-old man screamed in pure fear and shock at the changes to his body. It was at this moment when he recieved a text... pulling his phone out of his now much tighter jeans' pockets- Minh read the texts in pur horror

"You probably noticed by now that I took your body kid. Well, tough shit. I was tired of being the fat plumber everyone shits on, now its your turn. Enjoy my 87 year old body, cause I'm gonna enjoy yours"

He saw a text being uploaded right after

"Oh and, don't even try to tell anyone what happened. I took some pictures of 'you' doing some pretty messed up shit to my poor college boy body and they could make you lose your job in less than a day, if not go to jail. Heh, good luck dickhead".

It had been around 6 months after the swap, and Minh had to adjust to his new life whether he liked it or not. The new Minh had already blocked his number and would give him the most humiliating smirk whenever the two saw eachother.

What took the most to get used to however was the disadvantages of obesity and old age. The old man suffered a great deal trying to get from anywhere to anywhere else. Even the most mundane tasks had him gasping for air due to years of smoking.

Showering was still so humiliating, seeing the fat rolls, his fatpad, the hairy body and ridiculously large moobs and belly. His balding head and old man beard- they all felt so wrong. Minh cried for quite a long time until his shower sessions turned into silent moments of pure shame

Another aspect of his body Minh could never come to terms with was his ridiculously small, constantly soft penis. With the horniness of an 18 year old freshman snuffed out, replaced by the body of a 87 year old man- Minh longed for his old vitality.... something he would never have again.

It was about 5 years into the swap when Minh's suffering came to an end due to a sudden heart attack due to his morbid obesity. The news spread around campus, and Steve- now fully in Minh's shoes, seemed quite unsympathetic, his statement about the old guy being "The fat fuck deserved it."

[bettysupremacy]

sirius x shy! reader on a picnic date by the black lake!!!

i wrote this in one sitting (something I’m not known for) thank you for your request!! cw lots of food mentions

“-and strawberry’s, and watermelon, and-“ Sirius’s voice dies off at your giggles. “What are you smiling at, giggly?”

“So much fruit, Siri, how are we supposed to eat it all?”

He smiles, chest puffed out in a way that has your heart clenching in achy warm love. “Gotta keep my girl fed.”

“Fed, not stuffed.”

He shakes his head. “To be fed is to be stuffed, no?”

You shake your head back. “Not stuffed like a pig!”

He smiles back at you, basking in your light. It’s a warm day, teetering on too warm, but that makes it perfect for picnics and fruit. Plus, your gaze does nothing to cool his cheeks.

He’d like to think himself a flirt, but when he’s out here, alone, with you? He’s bound to stumble over a few words.

He leans toward you from where his elbow supports his weight on a thin blanket. “I think you’d be a very cute stuffed pig.” He pokes your tummy.

“I don’t.” You scooch away from his prodding fingers. “Cut me open later and I’ll be full of strawberries.”

“I would never cut you open.” He frowns, though the ghost of a smile lilts on his lips.

“You’d never?”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Or roast me over a fire?”

He throws a blueberry and it hits your chest, thudding into your lap. “What do you think of me!”

“I think you just called me a cute pig!”

He laughs, amused giggles tearing through his chest. “You’d be a very cute piggy!” He doubles down. “What? With the nose and the little tail?”

“I can’t believe this.” You turn away, faux offended.

He reaches for your leg, but you’re too far to touch. “I’d still love you.”

“If I were a pig?” Your eyes peek towards his.

He nods seriously. “I’d feed you strawberries and take you down to the lake.”

“That’s sweet.” You mumble, though, his grin growing anywhere but sweet.

“And I’d make you a straw bed next to mine, because Merlin knows you’re not sleeping in mine.”

You gasp and his giggles come peeling out harder.

“I’m leaving this picnic.” Your hand pushes into the blanket, thin enough to feel the soft grass below. “I will not be treated like this.”

His head thuds to the ground softly as he drops from the growing laughter. He wipes his watery eyes, head turning to look at you. “Don’t leave me, baby.”

“Go get your new girlfriend to picnic with you on a free Sunday.”

He gasps accused, though the smile doesn’t drop. “Who?”

“Miss Piggy.” You cross your arms petulantly.

He’s silent, looking into your eyes, mouth tight, before dropping back down and covering his mouth to giggle again.

“I’ll have Marlene give you her number.” You walk off, no destination in mind, cause you know he’ll follow.

He doesn’t know what the muggle term give you her number means, but he knows it’s probably not good.

“I don’t want her number.” His voice grows closer. You don’t look back.

“I’ll be taking my pillow from your dorm.”

His large hand closes around your forearm. “Don’t do that.”

“Right, you’d never make Miss piggy sleep on straw.”

His chest deflates quickly in held laughter. “I wouldn’t, but that’s not the point.” He stops you from leaving. “I’d rather you than Miss Piggy.”

“Really?” You know the answer, chasing after the affirmations you know he’ll give without a fuss.

“Really, baby.” His nose comes down to nudge yours. “And I’d really like a kiss.” His hand tightens around your arm. “From my real girlfriend.”

You give it to him, letting his warm lips press down on your own softly. “That was nice.”

He smiles, dipping down to kiss you again. “I won’t be mean again, piggy.”

“Oh, my god.”

He pulls you up and over his shoulder, carrying you back to the blanket before you escape. “Before we continue, do you prefer English, or oink oink?”

[tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang]

hiiiii i was wondering if you had any hcs about south as a boyfie/fiance/husb and then father? i just feel like he’s be such a girl dad. thank u!

Ah him in a relationship and as a father sounds so cute! This is what i think he'd be like

He is so soft as a partner, will be harsh to everyone else but so soft and loving towards you.

As a partner he's very excitable, loves to hold your hand and just go walking about with you, showing you his favourite places and seeing yours.

Also calls you names like "my little angel" and other sweet names in Portuguese (he also teaches you Portuguese too if you don't already know.)

Definitely serenades you sometimes

Kisses the top of your head a lot

Is very clingy while sleeping

At the wedding he's incredibly eager to see your dress, can barely wait and is vibrating with excitement.

Calls you "my wife" a lot during and after the wedding, he just likes saying it.

He gets so excited during the whole pregnancy process too.

Sings a lot of lullabies to his kids, especially when they're little. Sings softly anytime they cry.

Is very very excited to meet his kids of the first time. Holds his partner's hand all throughout their birth. And nearly cries when he first holds them and introduces himself as dad.

Does a lot of skin to skin contact with his baby, it relaxes both of them.

For the first week after his kid is born he can't stop saying how small they are.

Is extremely soft and gentle with his kids, he's very careful with them.

Tries to teach them some tips for fighting as they grow up

When they're small, he'll often check up on them while they're sleeping.

Sometimes he remembers how alone he felt while growing up, he promises his kids that they'll never have to feel that loneliness.

Buys them lots of plushies!

Tells them a lot of stories, his favourite one to tell is how he and his partner met.

Plays peekaboo a lot

The sound of his children giggling always feels him with so much joy.

Sings happy birthday the loudest at all their parties

Has a lot of baby fever after his first one is born, he loves his kid so much so he definitely wants more (he also likes the idea of them having siblings).

He attends every school event and cheers very loudly for his kids

Gives them lots of piggy back rides and picks them up, soaring them through the air while they laugh.

He's such a softie with them, they have him wrapped around their little fingers. He gives into the puppy looks every time

Secretly likes it when they wake up in the night and come to his bed for comfort. Getting to sleep with his partner and kids wrapped in his arms is very relaxing for him.

[yoursweetwife]

hii haha i dont see a lot of topaz x reader so im gona req one hehe so you know the trope where like (character) introduces their pet to their s/o and the pet likes the s/o more than (character)? i wanna see how topaz would react if numby would rather chill with reader more than topaz, if u dont wanna write this then its okay have a nice rest of your day! :D

warnings: female reader (but no pronouns are used), jealous Topaz, Topaz needs a hug

p.s sorry if this is not what you wanted, but as soon as I saw your request, I immediately thought of jealous Topaz

Right now, Topaz was dismayed by the sight in front of her.

She witnessed how Numby lay on your thighs and rubbed against them as if it was the best pillow of his life (in fact, it was true).

Your fingers ran over the piggy's smooth skin, stroking him in every accessible place and cooing sweetly at his every joyful squeal. But once upon a time it was Topaz herself.

She's actually very happy that you two have become friends. Even at the first meeting, Numby began to feel a strange attachment to you. He tried to climb into your arms when they met him, squeaked happily and jumped, which was quite surprising, because it took him time even to let himself be petted. And you never missed a chance to play with Numby.

Despite your work, you remained a good person, and that's what attracted Topaz to you.

And she is glad to have such a wonderful lover, but now she constantly has the feeling that she no longer lives in this house.

But Topaz is partly to blame for not intervening. And she can’t even figure out who she envies more.

"Who's the good piggy here? It's Numby!"

You laughed quietly at the excited sounds Numby was making. It was very difficult to resist his charms.

"Agree Topaz. Topaz?"

She continued to look at you through her eyelashes, resting his cheek with one hand and frowning slightly. You looked at woman worriedly and called her name again.

Your voice seemed to bring her out of some kind of trance.

Topaz shook her head and gasped at the realization that you were calling her.

“Haha, sorry, I was lost in thought. Did you want something?”

She rubbed the back of her head and focused all her attention on you. You couldn’t help but notice the slight sadness in her voice, and even Numby stopped playing and began to pay attention to the conversation.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, eh...I"

Topaz couldn't find the words? If anyone had told her that, you and she would have laughed about it. You noticed how her gaze ran over Nambi lying on your lap, and without thinking twice you put two and two together. Oh, who would have thought...

"Topaz, are you...jealous?"

After your words, an expression of shock appeared on the girl’s face. white-haired woman began to actively shake her head, fervently denying your words.

"No no! Well maybe a little... But I like watching you and Nambi have fun, I really do."

You immediately realized that Topaz had received almost no affection lately. A guilty expression appeared on your face.

Numby looked at you and seemed to understand what you were thinking.

You and Nambi “looked at each other” and a smile immediately appeared on your face, while the piglet stomped around impatiently. Topaz did not have time to react when at the one moment two bodies knocked her down, pinning her to the sofa.

She felt your warm breath on her neck, tickling her skin, one of her hands held your waist while the other stroked Numby, who settled comfortably on her stomach.

A heartfelt, loud laugh burst from her chest, making you laugh along with her.

"What is this for?"

Topaz asked, stopping laughing. You moved closer to her face and quickly kissed her lips, a light blush appearing on her pale cheeks.

"doesn't matter."

[pineappleciders]

Yoo hoo !! I’d like to request Butters, Craig, Wendy, and/or Tweek with a reader who is their older sibling. The reader is in their late teens & has the sarcastic older sibling thing going on, like the same vibes as Rodrick Heffley, Kat Stratford, or Daria. Thank you ^^

butters, craig, wendy, and tweek with a stereotypical older sibling reader

A/N: i'm the youngest out of 4 and my brother was very rodrick coded so this is based off that also i love this gif

butters stotch

honestly being raised by the same parents it's a miracle you didn't turn out exactly like him LMFAO

he is constantly getting noogies from you and whenever you high-five or pat his back you do it way too hard and he goes "owie" and then giggles. or cries idk

if you drive him around or pick him up from school he's always asking if you can stop at mcdonald's and gets all sheepish when you deadpan at him

looooves piggy back rides. put him on your shoulders or back and like pretend you're an airplane and he loves it. and then like throw him onto the bed and he gets all giddy and tells you to do it again

he's always knocking on your door and asking you to play or draw with him. he gets sad if you ignore him or tell him to go away

always dragging you into his games!!!!! like you don't want to but he does puppy eyes to get u to roleplay as professor chaos' enemy (or sidekick!) and if he makes you play with the rest of the kids too they all cry super hard when you destroy them😭😭(esp cartman)

he would forever think ur awesome if you got payback on cartman for him. like idk beat eric up or threaten him and butters thinks you're the coolest person in the world

craig tucker

lots of middle fingers. lots of them

when he flips you off you tug his middle finger up and slam it under his nose (like the 'you have something on your shirt' thing but with his middle finger LOL) and he gets all pissy after

you had to put a 'fuck off' sign on your door to get him to stop annoying you whenever he's bored. you two are always competing for your parents to take your side

you love to tease him about tweek. like you twirl your hair and giggle and kick your feet on his bed talking about how he's finally getting bitches while he's trying to do homework

you keep hiding his hats but somehow he always has another. he's like charlie brown but with blue chullo hats

lots of punching. you punch his arm all the time or swat his head and at first he retaliates but then you hit him even harder and he stops (albeit angrily)

trolls you all the time by messing up your room and fucking idk. he seems like the type of dude to set up a treasure hunt to find like your phone he hid or something LOL he sets up riddles and everything

you beat him up for it

calls you emo when you go through a phase and bullies you for it. you call him a homo and he shuts up

wendy testaburger

you're always ruffling her hair and flicking her forehead. like just in normal conversation it's a habit to flick her head or nose to emphasize a point

she definitely comes to you a lot about her problems, like socially and stuff. always ranting to you about stan in your bed and you're just praying that she shuts the fuck up

you have helped her with a lot of her issues though!!!!! like it's reluctant but you give her a lot of good advice about boys and friendships. even if you gag whenever she brings up her boyfriend

i imagine you listening to like. hard rock or metal when you're going through an edgy phase and wendy either makes fun of you for it or comes into your room and starts headbanging with you. probably both

always wants you to play games and do stuff with her. like she gets barbie and the twelve dancing princesses and is scratching and begging at your door for you to try it with her

and she LOVES just dance. you're like flopped on the couch out of breath because you're old as shit and she's like happily dancing away without breaking a sweat

if you're a girl, she's always making you sleep in her room and do skincare and girl stuff. she calls it 'girls night'. if you aren't a girl she still does it but she doesn't call it that LOL. makes fun of you if you don't want to do it because it's 'for girls'

tweek tweak

if you hit him he hits you back. hit him harder he hits you harder. he gets his ass beat but he is determined not to go down without a fight!!!!

when you work the same shift at tweek bros you're constantly slacking off and blackmailing him into doing all the work and not telling ur parents LMFAO. it annoys him so much

you spook him with like scary stories and stuff because you know he freaks out over it. and you regret it when he comes into your room at 2 am with a blanket asking to sleep in your bed tonight

he tells all his friends how you 'torture and bully him' and how much he hates your guts. but he really can't deny that he appreciates you when you're helping him with a panic attack

asks you how to be cool. you tell him you were just born that way and that he'd never be as cool and awesome as you are. he got sad

he isn't the type of sibling to tattle to your parents, but he will if he's trying to blackmail you or get you to do something for him. and he gets all smug about it too

tease him about craig and he gets super defensive. you pick him up by his collar like a kitten and he flails around all angry. it's hilarious but he forever holds u to a grudge for it

[nattinatalia]

Jack Harlow x Reader : FIRST CRUSHES

A/N : Requested by my sexy boo thangggg @heavyhitterheaux

“Daddy, daddy.” Mia yells, running into the kitchen.

“Yes, my daughter?”

Jack notices Mia looking around the kitchen, then smiles wide “We have a situation.”

That has Jack alerted and sitting up straight “What’s wrong?

“Well it’s an Ezequiel situation.” She looks to the side and calls over her brother. “Tell him.”

Ezequiel shakes his head no, “Momma gonna get hurt.”

“Why would mommy get hurt little man? What’s wrong?”

“Well daddy, you know how Ez started school?” Mia asks

Jack is nodding, still very much confused. “Yeah?”

Mia smiles, patting her brother's shoulder. “Well Ez likes a girl.”

Jack perks up and smiles “Ohh does he??”

Ez hides behind his sister, chewing on a baby carrot that he somehow managed to get out from his pocket. “I guess.”

Mia rolls his eyes “He does daddy, he’s in love.” She teases.

Ezequiel starts shaking his head “not love.”

“Okay, maybe not in love like you and mommy but daddy he has a crush.” Mia giggles.

“Okay, and where do I come in on this?”

Ezequiel starts tugging at the corner of his shirt “I wanna get her flowers”

Mia smiles “See, he only buys flowers for mommy so he really likes this girl.”

Jack nods “You want to buy her flowers little man? That’s so thoughtful of you.”

“But don’t tell momma.”

“What? Why?”

Ezequiel shrugs, “She's gonna be sad.”

Jack smiles at his son, “Your momma will understand. But if you don’t want to tell her right now then that’s totally fine.” He brushes EZ’s curls to the side, “Now, this is coming out of your piggy bank.”

Ez eyes go wide “But daddy, I don’t have money.”

“Ezequiel, we gave you your allowance last week.”

He smiles nervously, “I bought baby carrots, Uncle Druski didn’t have money so I had to buy them with my money.”

Mia chuckles, “Uncle Dru never has money for us, but when he goes sees girls dance, he’s rich.”

Jack gasps, “ALIZE MIA HARLOW.”

“What? What did I do?”

Jack shakes his head, “I don’t even want to know where you know that from.”

Mia shrugs, “Uncle Copey and Sunni told Nino Urb last night.”

Ez groans, “So can we go buy the flowers before bed time?”

“Yeah, let’s go little man. Mia, you stay here with your mom.”

Mia nods, “I’m not lying if she asks where you two went.”

Jack rolls his eyes, “Girl, I’m not asking you to, just tell her we went to run a quick errand.”

“Isn’t that lying?”

“Mia, noo, because that’s what we’re doing.”

“Okay, okay geesh.” Mia rolls her eyes. “Hurry up”

******************

“So little man.” Jack starts, looking down at Ezequiel. “Do you know which ones you want?”

He shrugs, staring at all the different colors of flowers scattered around. “I don’t know.”

“That’s totally fine, what’s her favorite color?”

Ezequiel groans, “I don’t know.”

Jack chuckles, “What color is her backpack and lunchbox?”

“Ohhh, it’s pink.”

“So get her pink ones.”

He nods, “Thank you daddy.” He starts looking around at every bucket that’s filled with different kinds of flowers and roses until he finds the one he thinks is perfect.

Jack and Ezequiel are walking around the flower shop, with the flowers EZ had picked, until he makes a quick stop.

“What’s wrong?” Jack asks him.

Ezequiel looks up at him, “You buy momma some too.”

“From you?” Jack raises his eyebrows.

“Us two.” He shrugs, thinking hard.

“Hmm, okay, your plan and I’m listening.” Jack takes out his phone. “Let’s hurry up because your mom is wondering where we’re at.”

Ezequiel gasps, “Mia.”

“She probably didn’t say anything, don’t worry little man.”

************

Jack and Ezequiel were about to walk into the house but the little man was worried, fidgeting with the little flowers on his arms.

“What if momma is there?”

“She’s gonna be there bud, just run straight to your bedroom and I’ll handle your mother.”

Ezequiel sighs, “Okay, let’s do this.” He pushes the door open as he walks in slowly, Jack following behind him with a smile on his face.

Once they make it towards the living room, Ezequiel looks back at Jack with worry.

“Go, I got this.” Jack nods, trying to block him from your point of view.

“I saw those, are they for me little man?” You gush.

“No, bye.” Ezequiel yells and runs away to escape into his bedroom.

You raise your eyebrows, turning your head to Jack. “What was that about?”

“Nothing.” Jack shrugs, setting the flower arrangement he had holding on the center of the coffee table.

You’re eyeing Jack, can’t help but feel that your two boys are keeping something from you.

“What? Is there something on my face?” He asks, chuckling as he sits next to you.

You raise your eyebrows at him, “What are you hiding?”

“Baby relax, it’s nothing.”

“It’s definitely something if my son ran straight to his bedroom and didn’t even come to hug me or kiss me.” You cross your arms, “He always does, no matter if he was gone for a few or for hours, he always hugs me and gives me my cheesy kisses. So what did you do to my son?”

“What did I do? Why do I always have to do something?” He laughs.

“Because, you, Urban and Clay are always up to no good when it comes to my children.”

“I promise you, it’s nothing big nor bad.” He pats his chest, “Now lay that pretty head on me, and let’s watch this movie.”

Before you could answer him, you hear footsteps coming down the stairs, you look up and see both your kids walking into the living room.

Mia instantly skips over to the couch, smirking. You already she’s up to no good.

“Mom, guess what?”

“Mia.” Jack warns.

You look between them three. “What Mia?”

“Oh nothing.” Mia chuckles.

Ezequiel, who was standing by the couch, was deep in thought. “¿Qué tienes mi niño?”

He looks up at you and tugs at the zipper of his hoodie. “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course mi vida, always.”

“Promise you won’t get mad?”

You quickly turn to look at Jack, but he’s smirking too, identical as Mia’s little smirk. If there is one thing your husband and daughter share, it is how they love to stir the pot, and play pranks. They love to team up and make everyone around them sweat.

“Momma?” Ezequiel’s soft little voice brings you back.

“Yes, sorry baby.” You smile at him. “What’s going on?”

“I buy flowers.”

You nod, “I know I saw them, they’re beautiful baby.”

“But they not for you this time.”

You try your best to conceal your shocked reaction. “Ohhh??” You cough, “so who are they for?”

He starts fidgeting, patting his pockets and when he can’t find what he was looking for, he starts scratching the side of his thumbs with his index fingers and looking around the living room.

“Here little man.” Jack hands him one of his many little fidget toys.

“Thank yous.” He takes a deep breath, squeezing the fidget toy.

“Ezequiel, todo esta bien mi amor, ven.” You reach out for him, he takes hold of your hand and you pull him in and sit him between you and Jack. “Whoever the flowers are for, it’s okay baby. I’m not mad.”

“But momma.” He whispers. “It’s for a girl.”he covers his face with his hands.

“A girl? What girl?”

“Cheesy has a little crush on a girl from his class. He wanted to buy her flowers but didn’t want you to get upset because he always gets you some with daddy.” Mia says, she makes her way to you and Ezequiel, she kneels down to be in front of her brother.

“Cheesy, it’s okay.” She ruffles his little curly hair. “I was kidding when I said she’ll be hurt.”

“Mia.” You gasp out.

“Sorry.”

Jack shakes his head at his daughter, but reaches for Ezequiel and puts him on his lap. “Little man, everything is okay.”

“But is momma okay?” He asks worriedly.

That tugs at your heartstrings, your little boy worried about your feelings and how you’ll react, is definitely making you feel emotional.

“I’m okay baby.” You smile at him. “I think it’s nice and thoughtful that you bought a classmate some beautiful flowers. I bet she’ll love them.”

“So you’re not mad?” He looks at you.

You shake your head, “Never, you spoil me so much with flowers everyday, I’m lucky.”

He takes a breath of relief and hugs you. “You’re the best.”

“No, you are.”

He smiles, “You always my number one girl.”

“HEY WHAT ABOUT ME?” Mia pouts out.

“You after momma.”

She rolls her eyes, “I’ll take it I guess.”

**************

TAG LIST

@heavyhitterheaux @harlowsbby @arination99 @cmalass @jackharloww @minkookie95 @deannaard @jacksmoviestar @harlowcomehome @fdl305 @httpkoylinnn @xoxokiaraaxoxo @hoodharlow @automaticpeachsong @amethyst09 @aliciacat20 @allyson15 @gabbylovesreading @stefansalvatoresgf @violetdreamsworld @carma-fanficaddict @jasminxts @itsaaliyah2 @itsyagirljaz @harrycanyonmoonn @neon-lights-and-glitter @awhore4moree @toocriticalharlow @thefemalestorywriter @lightsoutstyles @violetslays818 @fantasywritersstuff @killatravtramp

[anisespice]

tall fem reader?

tall fem reader!!! thanks for the request, anon :)))

hq ver.

pairing: college!tr x tall!fem!reader

warnings: mature language, MDI, suggestive language, reader mentioned in chifuyu’s but not present, mild mild mild cat-call in hanma’s - just crack overall, honestly lol feel free to let me know if i missed anything!

notes: planned to make this a whole x whoever you want type beat, BUT figured just doing a headcanon broken into different heights would be more efficient lol plus MORE CONTENT - gonna make a pt. 2 with some hq men, but for now — t.rev! :))) hope you enjoy <3 !!

tagged: @fantasycantasy , @illegalspacecow

small — ♡

When it came down to a relationship, MIKEY wasn’t shallow enough to let physical appearances stop him from pursuing someone he wanted—He liked what he liked, fuck what anybody else had to say about it. The blonde never had issue with your drastic height difference, seeing it as more of a perk than anything else. His best friend was tall, so why not his girlfriend? It just meant whenever he walked down the street, he’d look like a total badass with his two attractive beanpoles at his side.

However, a lot of the buzz on campus mostly centered around Mikey’s height rather than yours. It never bothered him, but it certainly got you tight anytime someone tried to uplift you whilst putting him down in the process.

“A shrimp like him wouldn’t know how to handle all that leg of yours, mama. Lemme take you out tonight, show you a good time with someone who’s more on your level, whaddya say?”

Barf.

Mikey would merely give them a dead-stare; unbothered king. You, on the other hand, didn’t hesitate to knock them down a size or two.

“First of all, your busted-looking ass could never be on the same level as me. Second of all, where my man lacks in height, he makes up for elsewhere, so he handles me very well, thank you. You’re probably the type to just shove it in without any sort of technique, thinking that’s enough to get a girl to finish. My man won’t bust once until I’ve came up to four times, the fuck can you offer me besides being six-foot? Hm? That’s right, not a damn thing. Remember that next time you talk shit, dirt-neck.”

Read him straight to filth. And God forbid Mikey had his gang with him anytime some scrub tried to spit game, best believe they’d dog the guy until he scurried away in humiliation. It always filled him with great adoration for you wherever you checked someone in his defense, your entire relationship giving off the same energy as that one meme with Kevin Hart’s character being protectively held by the lady. It’d been put in the groupchat a number of times just to tease the delinquent, but he’s unashamed at the fact you could easily pick his ass up. If anything, he was all for it, even requested piggy-back rides from you more often than his right-hand man—Draken’s back appreciates your sacrifice.

Now let someone try and spit game at him.

“Yeah, normally guys feel emasculated when their girlfriend’s taller than them, y’know? I’m surprised you don’t, though. No offense, [_____] just doesn’t seem like a good fit for you. I mean, must be tough to lay in the same bed, or even put her in your lap without feeling smothered or crushed. Wouldn’t it be much better to have someone a little smaller-”

“She could sit on me until my pelvis collapsed, and I would thank her. And, full offense, if I was single, still wouldn’t pick you even if you put a gun to my head. Keep my girl’s name out your mouth, you don’t deserve to breathe the same air let alone be on first name basis. Now, quit wasting my time—Do you have the notes from yesterday’s lecture or not?”

You don’t play about him. He don’t play about you. Period.

And as far as sharing a bed, cuddling or otherwise, Mikey was a sucker for being held like a damn squishmellow. Didn’t matter if you took up most of the leg space, dude would be wrapped around you like a python, so snug and warm you’d be lucky to even escape his grasp for food or the bathroom. Once he’s sleep, he’s SLEEP, and then you become the squishmellow.

“Mikey, I will be right back, turn me loose-”

“Zzzzzz…” out like a light. Drooling and everything, face smushed up against your boobs, just content. You’d think he’d been working the graveyard shift. And God forbid he ended up laying on top of you, sprawled out starfish style…you for sure weren’t going anywhere then.

Even if you expressed this dilemma after he woke up, the blonde merely yawned. “Just pick me up and carry me with you…”

“You’re smoking crack if you think I’m gonna haul your ass with me into the bathroom. I love you and all that, but we ain’t at the stage where I can comfortably use it with you in room.”

He shrugged. “Mm. Guess you don’t have to go that bad. G’night.”

“Mikey.”

“Shh, I’m sleeping…”

A gremlin. But, your gremlin. ♡

—

medium — ♡

CHIFUYU still can’t believe he bagged you, frfr.

There’d be moments where you’d catch him staring, as if he figured you’d disappear the second he took his eyes off you.

It’d get a little creepy sometimes, but it was endearing all the same. He wasn’t the shortest guy, though he wasn’t the tallest either, and standing next to you was a constant reminder of that. Not that he held any resentment toward you for it, he absolutely loved your height. However, there was always some form of insecurity that would resurface anytime someone called attention to it.

And today, his best friend and co-worker, Baji, would not only be the culprit, but an unlikely source of reassurance.

While they were stocking up inventory, the ravenette couldn’t help but notice the stool his friend was using to put a box in a particular high place. Wearing a mischievous grin, Baji pointed. “Oi. You should take that home with you. That way your girl won’t have to strain her neck when she kisses you.” He snorted, thinking he was the funniest man alive.

Normally, something that lame wouldn’t phase him, but guess today he was feeling a little more sensitive. With a grunt, the former blonde coolly spoke, “Maybe you should shut the hell up, and stock the damn shelves.”

“Whoa. What’s up your ass?” Baji furrowed his brows, walking over to lightly kick at the stool’s metal leg, making it jerk. Chifuyu sharply gasped, latching onto an empty shelf to steady himself. He exhaled, relieved, then shot a glare. But, Baji wasn’t perturbed.

Chifuyu sighed. “Nothing. I’m fine...”

“Fine my left nut. You don’t get short like that unless there’s something on your mind,” not the best way to phrase that, but at least he was genuine. Chifuyu rolled his eyes, coming down off the stool to brush past the ravenette.

“Not in the mood, alright?”

Baji was left standing there, dumbfounded.

The entire vibe had been thrown on its head, and he didn’t understand why. Awkwardly, he went back to assorting through the contents within the nearest box, bottom lip stuck out in thought as he briefly glanced at Chifuyu’s back mere feet away. It was like an itch he couldn’t scratch. He knew not to pry, but curiosity always won gold in the end. Baji replayed the conversation in his head, using his impeccable deductive reasoning to draw his own conclusions.

And then suddenly, an epiphany.

Without a hint of warning, the ravenette quickly walked over and slapped his friend in the middle of his back. Chifuyu yelped, nearly dropping the box in his hands before whipping around to fix Baji with a wide, incredulous look. “T-The hell?!”

“So. She dumped ya, huh? [Sigh] Look man, don’t beat yourself up, a lot of guys fumble the bag from time to time. If ya need a shoulder to cry on…don’t use mine, but ‘tora might let you-”

“Hah?? What are you—[_____] didn’t dump me, dumbass!”

Baji blinked. “Oh. My bad, jus’ figured that’s why you’re in your feelings.”

“And you thought the best thing to do was to hit me, then tell me to cry on someone else?” Chifuyu squinted when the arsonist gave a shrug. He sighed again, carefully setting the box down. “It’s not about [______]. Well, technically. The other day we had lunch with a few of her friends. They apparently have been dying to meet me for some time. And things were going great until…”

Chifuyu trailed off, leaving Baji in suspense.

He grunted. “‘till what? Jus’ say it, bet it isn’t even that bad-”

“They were shocked to see her with someone who barely came up to her elbows.”

Silence filled the storage room. Chifuyu continued to keep his eyes trained elsewhere while his counterpart merely stared for what felt like hours, but only seconds. And then…

“Pfft.”

Chifuyu looked up and sneered, blushing furiously as he threw a chew toy from one of the boxes at the fiend. “Hey! Don’t laugh! Do you have any idea how humiliating that is??”

Baji, to his dismay, effortless caught the toy, even squeaking it a couple times just to annoy him more. Taking a moment to collect himself, the ravenette still wore his sharp grin as he spoke through airy giggles. “So? Who cares what they have to say?”

“I do! They’re [_____]’s friends, everyone knows their approval is just as crucial to the relationship as the parents…if not more.”

“Mm. Pretty sure you’re overthinking this.”

Chifuyu gave a sarcastic laugh, “Pretty sure I’m not.”

“Alright. Lemme school ya on how women operate when they get in their little cliques.” Baji dusted off his hands, missing the eye roll the former blonde gave once again. With his pointer held high, he declared, “If majority of the friend group is taken, they’re just being protective. No doubt they’ve been there for every heartbreak, every fight, ‘nd jus’ don’t think anyone’s good enough for [_____]. Jus’ gotta keep your head down, and don’t give ‘em any reason to be weary. Simple.”

With a slow, skeptical nod, Chifuyu pursed his lips at his fellow delinquent. It wasn’t unlikely, so at least he’s correct in that regard. However, the line between facts and feelings began to blur the further Baji continued.

“But, if majority of them are single, then you’re screwed either way —Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”

“Wow, that’s so helpful. You sure schooled me, Baji-san.”

“‘m serious. You gotta watch out for the single ones in the friend group. They’re all passive aggressive, try to get under your skin, push your buttons. Then, before you know it, they’re in your head, get you so worked up only for them to turn around and play victim, saying you can’t take a joke, and now you’re the fucking bad guy! Classic textbook emotional manipulation—Don’t fall for it. ‘cause they’ve got it down to a science, I’m telling ya.”

Chifuyu’s eyes widen at the sudden intensity that overtook the room, taking a small step back when Baji jabbed his finger at him, as if he were warning him of some conspiracy. “Uh…you good?”

Baji took a moment’s pause. Then, he cleared his throat.

“Sorry, got a little carried away. All’s I’m saying is, don’t sweat. Lotta chick’s pick on the best friend’s new fling, t’s like a war tactic—Poking at our fragile egos ‘nd all that. But, seems like you did fine, otherwise you’d be crying all over ‘tora right now.” Baji shrugged.

Chifuyu blinked, now his turn to be dumbfounded. “Huh.”

He frowned. “‘Huh’? I jus’ gave you some killer, black-pilled insight on cracking their code of conduct, and all I get is a dry-ass ‘huh’? Tsk. I’m charging you next time, goddamn freeloader.”

Chifuyu glared, but softened soon after. After taking his words into consideration, the former blonde couldn’t help but feel lighter. “It’s just... didn’t expect that to actually make me feel better.”

Baji scrunched his nose. “The fuck’s that supposed to mean? Oi, don’t ever doubt my knowledge. It may be selective, but I got it when it counts. Besides, thanks to me you won’t take that stool home after all.”

“I wasn’t planning to take it home in the first place.”

“Right. Keep telling yourself that, elbows.”

“Hey!”

—

large — ♡

“Hey, baby, those legs go all the way up?”

It was moments like this where you detested not being able to blend in with the average crowd. Attention always seemed to gravitate toward you no matter how hard you tried to avoid it, like being covered in honey while trying to walk in front of a herd of bears. And it didn’t help that you were currently wearing heels tonight, accentuating your legs even more in the little, black cocktail dress you sported. You were headed to a party a mutual friend of yours was throwing, and you wanted to surprise your man by wearing the new Jimmy Choos he bought you, knowing how much he loved how your legs with the extra height on them—Evidently, so did the prowling degenerate on the streets.

You had elected to ignore them. HANMA seemed to have other plans as he came to a complete stop in his tracks, slowly turning around to walk up on the moron who had the nerve to open his mouth. Low, golden eyes gazed down at the waste of space, face calm but a murderous aura oozed off him like pheromone, suffocating the slimy bastard into submission as he attempted to shrink away. But, he wasn’t about to let him get away so easily.

A wide, eerie grin spread across his face. “Could’ve sworn I just heard you cat-call my girl right in front of me. But, you wouldn’t be stupid enough to do that. Right?”

The guy nervously looked back for reinforcements but his buddies were already long gone. Hanma’s grin immediately dissolved from his face, kissing his teeth before grabbing the guy by the front of his collar and twisting. “Fuckin’ hate repeating myself.”

Hanma wound his arm back, dead set on knocking the guy into an early grave until you intervened at the last second. By grabbing onto the balled up fist, you brought it to your lips to place a tender kiss on the inked skin. You felt his muscles relax, but he still held the offender by his shirt, only slightly playing attention to you cooing in his ear.

“Baby, you promised no fighting tonight, remember?”

“I know, doll, but this fucker,” he shook the guy around in his tight grasp, unhinged grin making its appearance once more at the sound of him blubbering, “deserves to have his shit rocked for even looking at you. I’m just gonna teach ‘em a little lesson about manners, that’s all. I’ll be quick.”

You scoffed, “You and I both know you don’t do quick.”

Hanma snickered. “First time for everything, right?”

“Shuji.”

Tugging on his arm, you were able to redirect all of his focus onto you, sinister eyes melting into sweet caramel as his pupils dilated the second they locked on yours. It always did something to him whenever you came up to eye-level. Sure, you were already pretty tall but the heels nearly had you towering him. It gave him a weird sensation, one that made him want to drop everything and worship you like the deity you were. Especially in situations like this.

Hanma felt like the smaller one for once. It drove him insane.

You fixed him a stern look. “Drop him.”

Without a moment’s hesitation, he discarded the guy onto the pavement like an old can, wild eyes eagerly watching you and waiting for your next request. Taking his free hand into yours, interlacing your fingers, you led the rest of the way by pulling him from the nobody now cowering near a bush, no doubt rethinking his life choices while you kept onward to your destination. You didn’t get all spruced up to not be seen tonight, and you’ll be damned if any more time got wasted on some loser he’d put in a coma after one hit. After a short moment of silence, you expected Hanma to be mad at you for not letting him knock someone’s teeth loose. But when you glanced back at him, you should’ve known you’d be greeted with absolute smugness as you shook your head in mirth.

You elected to ignore the obvious tent in his pants…but he’d surely plan for you to do otherwise later on.

[noahsresources]

prompts for siblings

for muses who are biological siblings, found siblings/family, adopted siblings, foster siblings, whatever kind of sibling-type relationship you can think of! cw for swearing. feel free to change pronouns & descriptors and/or combine prompts if so desired ♡

WORDS.

❝ i was here first, out of the way! ❞ ❝ it’s your turn to do the dishes. ❞ ❝ move before i sit on you. ❞ ❝ i call shotgun! ❞ ❝ agh, i can’t breathe — ! ❞ ❝ stop eating off my plate! ❞ ❝ you used all the toothpaste, didn’t you? ❞ ❝ you’ve been in the bathroom for like, three hours. ❞ ❝ sometimes you really make me want to punch your face in, you know that? ❞ ❝ hey, get out of my room! ❞ ❝ you’re almost an hour late! ❞ ❝ come on, it’s my turn to have the remote. ❞ ❝ i can’t believe you chose to hang out with me over him/her/them. ❞ (bonus points to specify who) ❝ wait, remind me when your birthday is again? ❞ ❝ that’s it, it’s time for the tickle monster. ❞ ❝ there’s a reason why i’m known as the smart one. ❞ ❝ wow. you look like shit. ❞ ❝ ... did you just fart? ❞ ❝ it’s your fault! ❞ ❝ hey! get the fuck off me! ❞ ❝ ooh, you have a crush on [name]! ❞ (bonus points if an individual is specified) ❝ why do you even drink that soda? it’s way too sweet. ❞ ❝ still have the palate of a toddler, don’t you? ❞ ❝ i told you not to go through that! ❞ ❝ dammit, please don’t start crying ... ❞ ❝ there’s a difference between me being the person to help your ass and you being my actual responsibility. ❞ ❝ still ticklish as ever, huh? ❞ ❝ god, i really fucking hate you right now. ❞ ❝ i hereby declare myself the winner of our prank war. ❞ ❝ you were always the mama’s boy/daddy’s girl. ❞ ❝ hey, you’re squishing me! ❞ ❝ did you have a nightmare? ❞ ❝ hey, it’s all right. you’re safe. ❞ ❝ i love you, you know. ❞

ACTIONS.

send +↻ for the reverse!

[ chase ] — sender chases receiver around the house [ object ] — sender chases receiver around the house with an object meant to be used as a weapon (water bottle, ball, stick, etc) [ splash ] — sender splashes water on receiver [ blanket ] — sender throws a blanket over receiver [ pillow ] — sender tosses a pillow at receiver [ tickle ] — sender tickles receiver [ cold ] — sender puts their cold fingers/toes on receiver’s bare skin [ prod ] — sender pokes/prods receiver [ pinch ] — sender pinches receiver [ sit ] — sender sits on receiver or a part of their body (specify) [ silly string ] — sender squirts silly string all over the receiver [ tattle ] — sender tells their parent(s) on receiver [ drag ] — sender drags receiver across the floor for whatever reason (bonus points to specify why) [ carry ] — sender gives the receiver a piggy-back ride all over the house/outside [ hold ] — sender carries receiver all over the house/outside in a random position [ awake ] — sender dramatically wakes up receiver [ hair ] — sender teasingly pulls sender’s hair [ wrap ] — sender wraps their arms around sender’s neck while play-fighting/bickering/teasing [ hug ] — sender lifts receiver off the ground in a massive bear hug [ scare ] — sender scares receiver as a joke [ car ] — sender goes to pick up receiver somewhere [ lullaby ] — sender sings a lullaby for receiver [ pin ] — sender pins receiver to the ground [ ride ] — sender picks up receiver [ joke ] — sender tells receiver a joke (specify) [ prank ] — sender pranks receiver (specify) [ quarrel ] — our siblings argue over a non-serious matter (specify) [ fight ] — our siblings argue over a serious matter (specify) [ sport ] — our muses play a sport together (specify) [ game ] — our muses play a card/board/video game together (specify) [ wrestle ] — our muses have a play fight on the floor [ tv ] — our muses watch a tv show/movie together

[nottapossum]

@kingofdarkness00 tagged me again. So, I must provide.

WIP Wednesday

Here ya go...

Finally able to give Angel the attention he needs, he sits down with the spider who's holding up a book.

Husk takes it and Angel cuddles up close to him.

The book was ‘If you give a pig a pancake.’ One of Angel's favorite books.

Husk started to read quietly to him as Angel pointed at the pictures and kindly explained to Husk where the pig was in every picture…and everything else he can find.

“Pooh bear!” Angel pointed at a stuffed bear that was on a shelf in the book.

Husk nods. “Mhm. Yup.”

“An Eeyre!”

“And Eeyore.” Husk confirms.

“Duck!” Angel shouts.

“Where!?” Lucifer shouts.

“Yup, the pig has a rubber duck.” Husk tells Angel.

Lucifer nods, understanding now. He's read that book before, too many pig, not enough duck.

He lost all interest and he continued watching TV with Vaggie.

Husk reads on:

“When she's under your bed, she'll find your old tap shoes. She'll try them on, she'll probably need something special to wear with them.”

“Piggy put on shoes!” Angel tells Husk.

“Yes, she did.” Husk confirms.

“Silly.” Angel says.

“Very silly.” Husk nods.

“Piggies don welly wear shoes.” Angel says.

“Not normally.” Husk agrees.

Husk continues reading: “When she's all dressed, she'll ask for some music. You'll play your very best piano piece, and she'll start dancing.”

Angel gasps. “Kitty! Kitty!” Angel pulled a little on Husk's fur, not enough to hurt him, just enough to get his attention.

“It's Husk, Angel. Not kitty. Husk.” He corrects. “Can you say Husk?” He asks. “Or Husker?”

Angel blinks twice and decides to ignore the question. “...Kitty, sunflower!” He shouts.

Husk sighs. “Yes, there's a sunflower on her sweater. Good job.” sounding a bit annoyed with the spider, but he didn't notice.

Angel only giggles happily, so proud of himself.

After the book was done, Angel wanted to play with blocks, so Husk pulled some out for him to play with under the condition that he doesn't make a mess and that he plays carefully.

Probably expecting too much from him, but he can try.

It started to rain outside, so Husk called the girls back in.

And they ran inside…

Covered in mud, which they got all over the floor.

“How- how did you three get so muddy!? How long has it been raining?!” Husk asks in shock.

The three of them are covered head to foot in mud, it only began raining two seconds ago.

Charlie responds enthusiastically. “Oh, it's not from the rain, we made our own mud using the hose!”

Husk takes a deep breath.

It's fine. He can handle this…

Then suddenly, Husk hears a loud 'crash!'

Lucifer defends himself. “It wasn't me!”

The loud noise upsets poor Vaggie who starts bawling her little eyes out.

Husk walks over to try and comfort Vaggie when he sees Angel is not with his blocks anymore. “Where's Angel?”

Lucifer shrugs.

Niffty giggles happily as she starts climbing up on the couch-

Husk snaps. “Niffty, off the couch!”

Niffty's eyes fill up with tears now…

“Niffty, wait. Please don-”

Niffty starts crying loudly, which upsets Alastor, who starts making his loud buzzing-static-y sound.

Shit.

All the other littles scream while covering their ears- completely unhelpful!

“Okay- fuck- Stop!” Husk shouts, which happily shuts most of them up. He tried to keep his composure and not shout at the kids but-

It was just too much!

Possum: This one shouldn't take too long to come out, I don't think. It'll be a fun one for sure.

I tag: whoever wants to do this!

Taglist:

@todayimfour @ask-dusty-boy @im-not-paying-my-taxes @abby5577 @trophyxtissues2