#girl the fucking NEIGHBORS ARE RIGHT THERE. BE CONSIDERATE OF THEM? YOU LITERALLY SAID YOU WOULD THIS IS JOT AT ALL MY FAULT

[creatordisc]

hey girliepop did yelling a lot make ur headache feel better <3 bet it fuckin didnt <3

[xbaepsae]

same old mistakes (m)

“But it wasn’t that you necessarily regretted sleeping with Hoseok. No, you very much enjoyed it—maybe too much—which is why it was wrong. So fucking wrong.”

[rich boy!hoseok x reader]

genre: country club!au, smut, slightly angsty, some fluff

word count: 12.8k

rating: mature

warnings: sex. lots and lots of unprotected sex lmao (please use protection), slight rough sex, some jealousy, rich prick asshole jung hoseok, mentions of alcohol, language, golf terminology (i’m sorry if it’s wrong idk anything about golf LMAO) oblivious mutual pining lol

a/n: omg this fic absolutely consumed me these last few weeks. i haven’t been able to think about anything else, which is why i haven’t been super active lol. so glad i finished this before the upcoming valentine’s holiday and hobi’s birthday <3 loved writing this so much! rich asshole hoseok has my heart. xoxo

You have never felt more flustered in your life.

It’s the summer after your first year of college, and you decided to come home—to spend a little time with your mother and her new husband. Well, more like she begged you to come home. You actually wanted to visit your roommate’s family on the coast, and spend your days at the beach, but your mother insisted that you come home instead.

Now that you are home, she doesn’t even have time to spend with you. She and her husband are too busy vacationing; that should’ve been you. You can’t even bear to look at your roommate’s Instagram account. And worse of all, your mother signed you up for a job you did not consent to.

“You did what?”

Your mother blinked back at you, feigning innocence. “I heard from Mrs. Lee—you know, our neighbor down the street that attends the local country club—and she said that they were hiring for the summer. You know how rich people love their golf and fancy dinners.”

“And you just decided to volunteer me?” You couldn’t believe her. “I don’t want to work at some prissy country club.”

“Weren’t you just complaining about being broke last week?” She really did not need to expose you like that. “This’ll be good for you, honey.”

Thus, you found yourself standing in front of the country club not even a week later. They hadn’t even asked you to do an interview; you just talked to a manager on the phone and she said for you to just come in. Honestly, too suspiciously easy but what could you do about it? Your mother had been right—you did need the money.

When you arrived, you were immediately whisked away into training. There, one of the girls, Soyoung, fitted you into the uniform—a plain white polo and khaki shorts—and told you what you’d be doing here.

“So, there are a lot of different areas here,” she began, “as you can see from how big this country club is. So, you might find yourself working in different areas occasionally…but for now, you’re going to be on the course with the drink cart.”

Soyoung explained that as the drink cart girl, you’d be driving a golf cart around while handing out beer and other drinks to the golfers on the course. It seemed easy enough, except you’d never driven a golf cart before…or tried to sell people something. However, Soyoung assured you it was easy.

But that was about an hour ago. Since then, a lot has happened. You managed to get the golf cart to work, but it is considerably different from an actual car. The forward/backwards switches were tripping you up. Because of that, you already knocked over a display…or two.

Which leads you to your most embarrassing moment.

For some reason, you forgot that being back in your hometown means the possibility of running into people you went to high school with. The thought just didn’t seem to come to mind. Being off at university has made you forget about all of those idiots you used to be around every day. Until now, when you bump into one of them. Literally.

You really hadn’t seen him behind you; then again, you weren’t looking, which was probably not the greatest idea. But you blindly backed up and hit him. Not that you were going fast or anything, but he did cause an outburst.

“Oh my—fuck! Watch where you’re going!”

Horrified, you press onto the breaks. Turning around, an apology begins to fall from your lips. “I am so sorry. It’s my first time—”

“Y/n?”

You freeze at the voice; it sounds awfully familiar. Blinking a few times, your eyes focus on the person in front of you. And your stomach sinks. Standing in front of you is none other than Jung Hoseok—the last person you ever expected to see again.

He must see the recognition fill your eyes because he instantly smirks. “Wow, it really is you. It’s been a while, huh? Haven’t seen you since graduation.”

An awkward laugh passes through your teeth. “Yeah…it really has.”

“Didn’t expect to see you here,” his smirk seems to widen, and his eyes travel down to your clothes. “You work here or something?”

“Yeah…just started today, actually.”

He nods appreciatively. “Nice. Well, I’m here almost every day, so, I’m sure we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other.”

I hope not. “Sure.”

Just as Hoseok opens his mouth to say something else, someone calls his name. He looks away from you, and that’s when you finally allow yourself a moment to look at him. For the first time, you realize how long a year is and how much change can happen in that time frame. Even though it irks you a bit to think about, he looks really good—even in his damn polo and khakis.

You take in the curved slope of his nose, the way his brows are perfectly arched to match his equally perfect eyes. And you’re almost blinded by his pearly white smile. Perhaps, Hoseok has always been attractive—dark, windswept hair and all. You’ve just never wanted to admit it; even after that one—

“Catch you around, y/n,” he suddenly says, and that’s when you realize he’s caught you. He smirks and shoots you a wink as he walks away, leaving you to mentally kick yourself alone.

***

In high school, you and Jung Hoseok were in different crowds. He was preppy and popular—kind of snooty, to be honest—and you were just normal. Not popular, but not a complete wallflower either. Despite not being in the same circles, you both had a few classes together; which meant that you knew each other decently well. At least, you knew enough about Hoseok that you wanted nothing to do with him.

Except for that one, momentarily lapse of judgment, your conscious suddenly reminds you. But you’d rather not think about that right now.

Another thing about Hoseok that you knew of was his background; he came from money—a lot of it, actually. You don’t know exactly what his family does, but they’re those old money types; the kind of rich people that have been rich forever. Which helped to explain his popularity in high school, and how he had a country club membership now.

You wished you knew that before you got the job here.

As you drive around the golf course, feeling more comfortable driving the cart now, you may or may not be on the lookout for Hoseok. Now that you know he’s here, your eyes seem to search for him everywhere. And it’s not because you want to see him; you want to avoid him, if possible.

It’s not until you’re halfway through the course that you see him with a group of other guys, which—to your displeasure—are also people you went to high school with. It’s fitting though, you presume, considering they were all close then as well.

You don’t know anything about golf, but you watch as Hoseok lines up his club to the ball. He swings only once, and the ball flies. You follow where it goes and watch as it hits the grass and rolls right into the hole. His friends cheer for him as he turns around with a smug look on his face. “And that, everyone, is how you fucking do it.”

“Nice, man,” one person—who you recognize as Jeon Jeongguk—says, moving to pat him on the back.

“The motherfucking GOAT,” another—Kim Namjoon—laughs.

“Maybe you should just go pro or something, dude,” the last guy says, and you recognize him as Kim Seokjin. “Because you’ve hit an ace, birdie or eagle at every hole.”

Hoseok laughs at that. “Maybe I’m just lucky today.”

“Dude probably just had good ass last night,” Namjoon smirks. “So, who was it?”

“A gentleman does not kiss and tell, my friend,” Hoseok winks, and you can’t help but roll your eyes at the banter between all of these men. Disgusting. “But if you really want to know…”

“Not you trying to get Hoseok’s sloppy seconds,” Seokjin speaks directly to Namjoon. “Because we all know how that went the first time with—”

“It wasn’t my fault Katie caught feelings,” Hoseok interrupts, walking back towards the rest of his friends. “I told her it was a one-time thing.”

Jeongguk struggles not to laugh as he moves up to line his club and ball. “And then you introduced her to Namjoon.”

“And she used him to get closer to…” Seokjin starts to say, but then he notices you. You’ve never seen someone straighten up so quickly. “How long have you been sitting there?”

“Long enough,” you say as three pairs of eyes turn to look in your direction as well. “Um, drinks?”

“Took you long enough to get here, y/n. I was starting to wonder when you’d arrive,” Hoseok takes a step in your direction, and you watch as the rest of the guys do a double take.

Namjoon is the first to speak, “Ah…y/n. Yes, I remember you…we had chemistry together, right?”

“Oh my gosh, you were in my calculus class!” Jeongguk exclaims, golf club still mid-air.

“I don’t think we had any classes together,” Seokjin says with a pout. “Because if we did, I would’ve remembered you for sure.”

For some reason, you feel your cheeks get hotter. “Um, thanks?”

You can tell they want to say more to you, but Hoseok shoots his friends a look you can’t see, and they close their mouths immediately. Turning back to you, he takes another step close to your golf cart. “A beer for each of us.”

“Aren’t you all underage—”

“No one cares here, y/n,” he cuts you off with a smirk. “Besides, Seokjin’s father owns this country club—we can do whatever the fuck we want.”

Shock passes through you at this news, mouth dropping at the realization that Hoseok and his friends might be more privileged than you originally thought.

“And we don’t usually have to pay for anything, but”—he fishes for something in his pocket— “here.”

You look down at his extended hand, where a crumpled 100-dollar bill sits, and practically gawk at it. Who carries such large bills around so casually? “What—?”

“Keep the change,” he stares you right in the eyes, and you have no other choice but to accept the money.

“Thanks,” you manage to say before reaching around to grab four beers from the cooler.

As each bottle is plucked from your hands, Hoseok is the last person to grab his; and the way his fingers accidentally touch your own seems like no accident at all. Although it was only for a few seconds at most, his touch leaves your skin burning. Burning for what? You don’t know; but it lingers the rest of your shift in a way that is so distracting, you nearly hit someone else with the golf cart.

***

“So let me get this story straight, you saw a guy you fucked for the first time in a year and now you don’t know what to do with yourself. Worst of all, his presence at your new job is going to be the death of you.”

You cringe at your roommates’ words. “God, why do you have to say it like that.”

“I mean, that’s who he is right?” her voice echoes through the screen.

She’s not wrong, but it still doesn’t sit right with you. “When you say it like that, it’s just weird.”

“Y/n, you act like you haven’t fucked other guys before.”

“Yes, but what happened with Jung Hoseok was a mistake,” you breathe. “It was never supposed to happen.”

Her pixilated expression softens upon seeing your clear distress. “I understand, babe. We all do things we regret.”

But it wasn’t that you necessarily regretted sleeping with Hoseok. No, you very much enjoyed it—maybe too much—which is why it was wrong. So fucking wrong. It wasn’t like he coerced you into that bedroom; you willingly followed him inside. And you can’t even blame it on the alcohol because you had been as sober as the day you were born.

It was graduation weekend, and everyone had come out to celebrate. You really didn’t want to go, but some of your friends forced you. Just enjoy the time we still have together, y/n, they had said. Ironic, because you no longer spoke to any of them.

Around the fire, behind the massive patio of someone’s house, drinks were poured and passed around. Even though you held a red solo cup in your hand, the murky liquid didn’t draw you in; you hated the way alcohol tasted back then. Still kind of do. But you simply pretended like you were enjoying yourself.

Every single part of you wanted to leave early that night, but you didn’t. You ended up staying because of Hoseok. It was something about the way he carried himself at that bonfire that night. Before, you never saw him as anything more than a spoiled brat; however, the flames of the fire seemed to soften him before your eyes. Because before you knew it, Hoseok pulled you away from the stares of everyone else.

You don’t even remember what happened—what you two talked about or didn’t talk about. But something happened before he kissed you. Unfortunately, it’s all a blur now.

After swelling your lips with, what seemed like, a thousand kisses, he told you he wanted more; and you told him yes. The memory of him rushing with you through the house and into a vacant room still burns hotly in your mind. You had been giddy with nerves and excitement as he pushed you against the closed door, sucking the air from your lungs.

Hoseok ripped your clothes off with practiced hands, clearly experienced with this, and made you come undone more times than you can recall. Throughout this whole exchange, not much was said; but no words were needed when he could read your body so well.

The both of you ended up falling asleep like that—tangled in each other’s arms. And when you woke up a few hours later to the rising sun, horror filled your veins like a shock of ice.

You left without saying anything. Not that you think he would’ve cared either way. Jung Hoseok seemed like he would be used to stuff like that.

You just never thought you’d see him again one year later.

But here he is.

***

During your next few weeks at the country club, you try your best to avoid Hoseok.

This, however, proves difficult to do since you can hear his laughter echoing everywhere. From the hallways to the range, you can’t seem to escape him at all. And it doesn’t help that his friends all seem to be around too.

Every time you catch even the smallest glimpse of him, you turn in the opposite direction. You aren’t sure if he can tell that you’re avoiding him or not, but you don’t care—you just want to get this summer over with already.

“Y/n!”

Turing in the direction your name is being called, you see Soyoung walking towards you. You offer her a tight smile, hoping she isn’t here to tell you that you’re in trouble or something. “Soyoung. What’s up?”

“Do you mind helping me clean up a little by the pool? I know you just got done on the range, but a girl called out and I could really use the help.” She gives you this sad puppy look, which means you can’t refuse her offer. So, begrudgingly, you follow her back outside.

In the hot summer sun, the large crystal blue pool looks like temptation. Soyoung notices your face and laughs. At her laughter, you realize you’ve never seen the pool this close. You pass by the canopy lined pool lounge every day, but you’re not a maid here or on lifeguard duty so you’ve never had a reason to linger very long.

“Looks inviting, huh?”

All you can do is hum in agreement as you begin helping Soyoung pick up disserted pool towels and throwing them into the hamper. As you’re bending down to retrieve a particularly wet towel on the concrete, the hot sun beating down your back is suddenly gone. You look up and notice there’s a shadow blocking the sun—a suspiciously familiar shadow.

Immediately, your back straightens, and you turn around to face a shirtless Hoseok. His hair is wet from the pool, which means beads of water are cascading down his chest. You try not to stare, but he’s literally so close; there’s nowhere else to look. Your eyes follow the towel in his hand as he begins to dry himself up, going from his abdomen before they travel down to the dark trail of hair that leads to—

You freeze and force your eyes back up, but the smile on his face tells you that you got caught—again.

“Like what you see?” His smile seems to grow wider at your expression.

You scowl. “In your dreams, Jung Hoseok.”

He leans down, face inches from yours, whispering, “If I remember correctly, that dream already came true…one year ago.”

Before you can say anything, he stands back up to his full height and brushes past you—his naked skin burning holes through your clothes. Once he’s a few steps away from you, you realize his friends were also there the whole time. Embarrassment burns your cheeks at what they might’ve thought, but their expressions remain too ambiguous for you to read as they follow their friend.

“I didn’t know you knew Hoseok.”

Your head whips towards Soyoung. “I don’t…I mean, not really. We just went to high school together.”

But your coworker doesn’t seem to buy it. “Really? I’ve been working here for a few summers and those guys have always been around, especially because Seokjin’s dad is the owner. I’ve tried to make small talk with them a few times, but they’re pretty intimidating.”

“They’re pricks,” you tell her. “Typical entitled rich boys.”

“I suppose so,” she hums, throwing the last towel into the bin. “Anyway, can I ask for another favor?”

All you can do is nod. “What?”

“I have another thing I have to do,” Soyoung starts, making you realize she works pretty hard here, “so, can you put these towels in the laundry room? You don’t have to start a load or anything; just leave them and one of the maids will wash them later.”

She slips the laundry room key into your pocket, telling you to give it back to her later, as she rushes off to her next task. Which leaves you to find the laundry room by yourself. After nearly ten minutes of searching, you find it tucked in a small hallway.

Opening the door, you push the dirty towel hamper into the room. You look around and see multiple washers, dryers, and a lot of storage shelves filled with miscellaneous items. You’re so caught up in looking around the room that you almost don’t hear the door close. At the sound of the lock clicking into place, you turn around; immediately, your heart starts beating faster.

“What are you doing in here?”

Hoseok leans against the door, no longer shirtless like before, and smirks at you. “I was following you.”

Like that’s not weird at all. “Stalker much?”

“Just wanted to know why you’ve been avoiding me, that’s all,” he pushes off the door, taking a step closer. You unconsciously take a step back, hitting the hamper.

“I haven’t been avoiding you,” you lie.

He just blinks at you. “You’re a bad liar, you know that?”

You’re shocked that he can read you so well. “Okay, so what if I am avoiding you? It’s not like you should care. Just leave me alone.”

For a brief moment, something passes over his eyes; but the emotion’s gone before you can think about it. “I don’t think I can do that.”

“What?” Now, it was your turn to blink rapidly.

Hoseok takes another step towards you, severing whatever distance there had been before. His arms move to cage you between himself and the dirty hamper. Slowly, he leans down, making sure not to move his eyes away from yours. “I can’t just leave you alone—not when you’re the only thing on my mind.”

“What are you trying to say—” his hand wrapping around your jaw shuts you up.

“To put it simply, I can’t stop thinking about you—about that night after graduation,” he says, eyes swirling with a darkness you know all too well.

“But that was a year ago,” you manage to say through clenched teeth, and he loosens his grip on you.

His signature smirk lights his lips. “So?”

“I was drunk,” you lie again. “I don’t even remember what happened.”

“So, you’re telling me you don’t remember this?” One hand curves around your hip. “Or this?” Another wraps around your waist. “Or this?” He plants his lips onto your jaw.

You release a harsh breath as the memories of that night come flooding back. Heat begins to pool in your stomach from his touch. As he peppers kisses along your jaw and down your neck, your hands move to fist his shirt. Just as a moan threatens to leave your throat, he pulls away.

Your lips part in indignation at the loss of touch, and Hoseok just smirks even wider. “I thought you said you don’t remember?”

“I’m going to kill you, Jung Hoseok,” your frustration is through the roof.

“Tell me you remember.”

Right now, there are two sides of you fighting. There’s one part of you that wants to tell Hoseok you don’t remember a single thing—that you really had been drinking graduation night. But there’s an even larger part of you that wants him so bad—to feel the same high you felt a year ago.

So, you settle with, “But I’m working right now.”

Hoseok’s eyes turn obsidian as his smirk drops. “I’ll be quick.”

He pulls you away from the hamper and pushes you, stomach first, against one of the washers. Suddenly, you realize what’s about to happen and you try to force the dopey smile off your face by biting your lip. In one swift motion, he unbuttons and pulls both your shorts and panties down to your ankles. By the sudden coolness below, you already know you’re soaking.

And Hoseok must realize this too because you feel him swipe a long finger over your folds. You instinctively jerk back, letting out a moan at the slight pressure. “Hoseok—”

“Fuck, y/n, you’re so wet for me already,” he groans, using a second finger against your wetness. He slowly rubs your clit and you can’t help but tighten your grip against the cool machine. “Wonder if you’ve been wet since we saw each other earlier.”

You roll your eyes. Typical, cocky Jung Hoseok. “Of course not, you douchebag.”

“I beg to differ,” he hums, inserting a single digit inside of you. “So tight—just like I remembered. Tell me, y/n, has anyone else had the pleasure to fuck your pretty pussy after me?”

His words cause you tense for a moment, before replying, “Yes, asshole. I went to college. What do you think?”

“I’m thinking that I’m about to fuck you so good,” he starts and finishes with a whisper, “that you won’t remember any of them.”

If you weren’t already turned on before, you were now. Hoseok continues to fuck with his finger, slowly adding a second one, edging you until you’re a panting mess before him. “S-Stop teasing—I thought you said you were going to be quick?”

“I will be,” he promises, and you can hear him pushing the waistband of his swim trunks down. You’re dying to see his cock again, so you turn and nearly drool at the sight of his angry red tip. For some reason, he looks bigger than you remember and that worries you a little. “What? Think it won’t fit?”

You raise your eyes to look at his, and he has the sexiest expression on his face you’ve ever seen. “No. It fit before, right?”

He licks his lips as he brings his cock close to your entrance, brushing his head back and forth against your clit. You turn back around, arching your back more in hopes that he’ll finally just stick it inside already. But before you can get too lost in the moment, you gasp.

“What’s wrong?” He actually sounds concerned.

“Do you have a condom?” you ask, facing him again. And by the pained expression on his face, he doesn’t. You let out a frustrated groan at getting all worked up for nothing. You’re about to reach down for your panties when he pushes you back into place. “What?”

“Are you on the pill?”

“Yes,” you answer, “but the pill is only—”

“I’ll pull out,” he says. “And I’m clean, I swear.”

You look into his eyes and seeing the desperation in them makes you want to indulge him. “I’m clean too.”

Hoseok breathes a sigh of relief. “Thank fucking god.”

“You better pull out, or I swear Jung—”

You fail to get the rest of your words out because he slams his cock into you. And you’re right—he is bigger than you remember. He bottoms out at your cervix and you feel like a mess already. You both moan at the feeling of being connected like this again, after so long, and Hoseok keeps his promise and wastes no time.

He thrusts into you hard and fast, leaving you to do nothing but take everything he has to give. “Fuck, Hoseok—oh my god.”

Earlier, he talked about fucking your past sexual exploits out of you, but there was no need to mention anything at all; no one compares to him. They never had a chance.

“Shit, you feel so good wrapped around me,” he groans, digging his fingers into your hips.

And soon enough, you feel your orgasm approaching. It’s slow building, but it’s there and you want it. You figure you’ll just chase it yourself. Reaching a hand down, you find your clit and begin rubbing it. But just as soon as you feel yourself get closer to the high you desire, your hand is ripped away.

There is a sudden weight on your back as Hoseok whispers in your ear, “That’s my job, sweetheart.”

His fingers find your sensitive nub and you come immediately, screaming a string of curses into your arms in hopes that no one hears you. As you ride your high, you feel him pull out. With a groan, his cum spills all over your ass.

As you try to catch your breath and calm your erratic heart, you feel Hoseok pull his shorts back up and take a step back. All of the sudden, a strange feeling builds up in your chest. Is this what loss feels like? But you don’t have much time to dwell on your own thoughts because you feel a towel wiping your body.

You turn and see Hoseok cleaning the mess he made; but instead of looking down, he’s looking right at you.

“What?” you ask, sounding defensive.

“Nothing,” he says, and you hate that you can’t read people well. You wish you could know what he’s thinking right now.

After he cleans between your thighs, you pull your clothes back up your body. You still have a few hours left of your shift, so you hope you don’t look too much like a mess right now. Pulling your hair into a low ponytail, you feel awkwardness hit you like a truck. What are you supposed to say now?

“Uh…I have to go,” you can’t even look at him. “We have a meeting this afternoon…”

You don’t have a meeting, but you don’t know what else to say. But unlike you, Hoseok can take a hint and nods. “I’ll leave first…see you around…and thanks.”

He stares at you for a moment longer before leaving the room. You look out to make sure he’s a considerable distance away before you follow, ducking into the bathroom to check your appearance. Once you look into the mirror, you barely recognize the person you’re seeing.

The girl in front of you has flushed cheeks and sweaty hair.

You spend the rest of your shift daydreaming about what happened. In all honesty, your body aches in the best possible way. And even after your shift, once you get home and lay in your bed, you’re still thinking about everything.

Did you really willingly have sex with Jung Hoseok a second time? Once is a mistake, twice clearly means there was choice involved. What would your roomie say if she knew? You don’t plan on telling her—at least, not until you get back to school. If she knew you had succumbed to his charms this early in the summer, she’d chew you out for sure. Besides, you won’t let it happen again.

There will be no more slip ups this summer.

***

“Oh, fuck—yes. Right there…!”

You cling to the shelf as Hoseok fucks you from behind. Your legs feel impossibly weak from being in such an uncomfortable position, but you couldn’t care less right now—you just want to come.

“Don’t be so loud, sweetheart,” he groans through clenched teeth. “Don’t want to get caught now, do we?”

“N-No…but if you d-don’t make me c-come quicker, Hoseok…” you moan, and he proceeds to thrust faster. You don’t want to scream, but it just feels so fucking good for you not to. “I’m going to—”

Hoseok clamps a hand over your mouth as you come undone. Your eyes shut on their own accord as you scream into his hand, body shaking from the impact of your orgasm. He curses, probably from how tight you’re gripping his cock, but continues to thrust a few more times before pulling out and painting you in strings of milky white.

Once your body shops shaking, he pulls you up and presses a kiss onto your exposed shoulder. “You’re amazing.”

You can’t help but smile a little. “Thanks.”

The two of you quickly clean up and readjust your clothes. You’re supposed to be organizing after all—at the place you are working at for the summer—not fucking an old high school classmate. Hoseok leaves with a promise of finding you later, and you’re left alone with your thoughts again.

What just happened?

You really did mean it when you said that you didn’t want to have sex with Hoseok again, but here you are anyway. It’s already been a month since the first incident, and you’ve been sneaking quickies around the entire country club with Hoseok.

Every time you think you’re alone, he manages to find you and that infuriating smirk makes you helpless. You’ve lost track of how many times he’s already managed to make your panties drop. But even though he seeks you out for sex, every now and then he sticks around to have a conversation with you.

You feel your resolve crumbling away every time you get a glimpse of the human Hoseok.

“So, what are you studying in school?” he asked one day, settling beside you on the floor of the laundry room.

“Is it bad that I’m undecided?” You tried to laugh it off, but the sober expression on his face stopped you.

He shook his head. “No, you have time.”

And just like, all felt okay in the world.

“What about you?” you managed to ask.

The scrunch of his nose had been nearly undetectable, but you noticed it. “Business. My father wants me to take over the company one day.”

“And you don’t?” the question slipped past your lips without a second thought. You’d been horrified.

“I don’t mind business, but I don’t want my father’s. I’d rather start my own.”

This truth had been rather insightful, and you couldn’t help but change the way you looked at Hoseok—only a little though. You still thought he was an asshole.

After another moment pondering your idiocy, you go back to whatever you were doing before. Just as you place the last shampoo bottle on the rack, a knock sounds on the door. You jump, wondering if it’s Hoseok again; but when it opens, it’s just Soyoung. “Hey—you’ve been in here for a while. Almost done?”

If only she knew.

“Uh, yeah. Actually, just finished,” you try to smile. “Got a little distracted in here, I guess.” A little more than distracted.

Soyoung offers an understanding expression. “Feel that. These storage rooms can be a bit overwhelming.”

“Did you need something?” you ask, changing the conversation.

“I actually bring word from our manager. You don’t work tomorrow night, right?” Tomorrow is Saturday and one of the few days you actually have off this week. You’re dreading what Soyoung is about to tell you. “She asked if you could come in for a few hours—just to help with dinner. They’re expecting a big crowd tomorrow night since there’s a fundraiser happening during the day. It’ll be like three hours max.”

You think about it for a moment, rolling your lips between your teeth. Honestly, you don’t want to come in on your day off—who wants to work when they don’t have to—but three hours doesn’t sound so bad.

“Just three hours?”

Soyoung nods. “Just three hours. I’ll be helping with the dinner too, so we’ll get to work together. And afterwards, we can go to a party, if you want.”

That piques your interest, even though you aren’t one to go out often. “What party?”

“There’s a few houses on this property—they’re rented out to people who want to stay at the country club for an extended amount of time. And I heard from some of the other employees that a party is being hosted at one of the houses. Anyone and everyone is invited—even us.”

For some reason, you actually want to go to this party. Why? Maybe you just want to forget about Jung Hoseok’s charismatic smirk. A party should be a good distraction. So, you tell Soyoung that you’ll come work tomorrow and attend the party with her.

And the girl gives you hug, promising that it’ll be loads of fun.

You hope she’s right.

***

The next night, you arrive to work in a different version of your uniform. Instead of the usual polo and shorts the country club has you normally donned in, you’re wearing a long sleeve button up and black slacks. In your bag, you brought a change of clothes for later. Thankfully, you remembered to grab it on your way out. Imagine having to wear your server uniform to a party.

That would’ve been a social suicide.

You meet up with Soyoung for a few minutes before the dinner staff collects you all together. They debrief about tonight’s expectations and everyone’s roles. Next, they list all the jobs and when they call your name, you find out you’re going to be taking orders.

“Do I also need to bring the food out?” you ask.

One of the leaders shakes their head. “No, we’ll have people specifically there for that.”

After all the roles are established, dinner officially begins and you try not to look dumbstruck when you walk into the formal dining hall. This is the first time you’ve been in this room and it’s absolutely magnificent. You continue staring around for a moment before walking towards your section of the room—a row of tables by the window overlooking the setting sun.

You proceed taking orders from the first table—a family of four—and then the next—a group of six—before walking to a table that only seats two people. Probably a date. You barely look at the couple as you push a strand of loose hair behind your ear and pull out the notepad.

“Can I take your orders?” you ask, click your pen.

“Yes,” says a nasally voice to your right. You follow it, meeting the profile of a gorgeous girl. Long, silky hair drapes down her back in waterfalls and she’s wearing a tight pink dress. You think that she’ll turn her attention to you, but she doesn’t; she keeps staring at her date. “I’ll have the ratatouille. What about you, Hobi?”

Hobi? “I told you not to call me that, Nina.”

She pouts. “But you let me call you that when we were kids.”

“Yeah, we were kids then.”

You spare a look at Nina’s date and nearly falter when you realize who this Hobi is. It’s none other than Jung Hoseok himself. He’s wearing a fitted charcoal suit, hair slicked back slightly. Even from this view, you can tell his suit is expensive; definitely imported and tailored fitted to his body. Still, you can feel yourself salivating. The man looks like absolute sin, and you feel a sudden flash of jealousy because he’s on a date with someone else—someone he seems to know pretty well.

But you realize you have no right to feel that emotion at all. He’s not yours to have. You both just happen to be sexually compatible. That is all. You two never talked about being exclusive. He is allowed to see other girls, even though the thought makes you feel a little sick.

Hoseok brings his eyes to yours, flashing you a smirk that has your knees weak. “Y/n.”

“You two know each other?” Nina asks, but your eyes don’t move from his.

“A little,” he says. That’s an understatement.

“We just went to high school together,” you add, playing along with his little game. “We weren’t friends though, just happened to be in a few classes together.”

Hoseok feigns hurt, bringing a hand up to his chest. “Can’t believe you think so little of me.”

“Oh, Hobi,” Nina interjects, her hand finding his on top of the table. You zone in on the touch, blood pressure rising when you realize he hasn’t pushed her away.

You try not to roll your eyes. “Yes, poor Hobi.”

When you turn back to him, he’s already looking at you. You stiffen for a second, wondering if his eyes have been on you this whole time. And by the scathing sensation you feel on the side of your head—Nina’s eyes, no doubt—you realize he probably has. “Um. Anyway, what did you want?”

He smirks again. “I’ll have the same, y/n.”

You quickly jot it down and excuse yourself before you start thinking too much.

The rest of your short shift, you make sure not to walk by Hoseok’s table again. Whenever you’re around him, you can’t think properly. He always seems to cloud your best judgment, which is why you’ve already been fucking him this summer. You allow work to consume you, which makes the time fly by. Before you know it, the three hours is already up and you’re headed to the bathroom with Soyoung.

“See? Wasn’t that bad, huh?” she asks from the cubicle beside you.

It was terrible. “Could’ve been worse, I guess.”

“I’m so excited about the party,” Soyoung changes the conversation. “It’s been so long since I’ve had a night out.”

You can’t help the next words that bubble out of you. “Why do you overwork yourself?”

Honestly, you didn’t mean to ask. After all, it isn’t your business to ask such questions anyway. Sure, you were curious about Soyoung but it’s not your place. You’ve been really testing boundaries recently.

“It just kind of happens,” she answers, which shocks you. Not the answer itself, but the fact that she even answered you at all. “I’ve been working here for so long, I guess I just can’t help it.”

“Well,” you sigh, “don’t overwork yourself. Live a little, you know.”

Soyoung laughs. “I’ll try.”

You step out of the stall first, moving to stand in front of the full-length mirror. Tonight, you opted for a flowy crop top and tight skirt. Not something you’d usually wear, but tonight’s different than most nights—you want to enjoy yourself. You pull your hair out of its tight pony, humming in pleasure at the sensation of your hair being free.

“Okay, I see you with the sexy hair.”

You didn’t even hear Soyoung’s stall unlocking or opening. Turning in her direction, you see she’s wearing something similar to you. Only, both her top and skirt are flowy. “More like messy hair.”

She laughs. “It looks good still.”

After running a hand through your hair a few times, and fixing your makeup, the two of you throw your bags into your respective vehicles and walk across the country club’s property. Not even five minutes later, you can hear music playing. Across the distance, you can see a massive house—no, villa—lit up with lights and people all over the place.

“Woah,” you breathe.

“Right?” Soyoung chuckles. “I told you this party was going to be it.”

“I thought you said it was going to be a house party.”

“It is?” She seems confused.

You shake your head. “Are all the houses on the country club property this big?”

Even in the dim lighting, you can see her nod. “I think so. Maybe not this big, but they’re all large enough to house multiple people.”

Damn. You wonder who’s renting this place for the summer. It’s huge, so there must be more than one person; maybe a family? Though, that seems odd since a party filled with young people is happening right now. However, you can’t even begin to fathom how much it costs to rent. How can anyone actually afford that?

But all thoughts of money fade when you actually reach the villa. You assume there’s mainly college-aged people here, though it’s difficult to tell age these days. Soyoung leads the way as you two maneuver past groups of people and into the villa itself. Once inside, you have to force yourself not to gawk at everything.

Grand doesn’t even begin to describe the interior. There’s so much to look at and before you can even begin to look at everything, Soyoung pulls you away. She finds the kitchen and hands you a drink from the cooler. You remove the lid and begin sipping, tasting the slight bitterness of alcohol on your tongue.

“So what do we do now?” You’re acting like such a noob.

Soyoung slants a look at you. “We mingle, maybe dance a little. Do you like dancing?”

You bite the inside of your lip. “Umm, kind of?”

Of course, you’ve been to your fair share of college parties—where dancing and drinking do not mix well. But you don’t mind it; you just don’t think you’re very good. You voice this thought out loud and Soyoung rolls her eyes.

“You don’t have to be good at dancing. You just have to do it. Usually, it comes naturally.”

You aren’t too sure about that statement. But as Soyoung pulls you in a new direction, away from the kitchen, you realize that you have no choice. In another large room adjacent to the kitchen, someone has started a makeshift dancefloor. The bass is booming against the wall and strobe lights illuminate the room.

Even though you’re struggling, Soyoung pulls you both into the middle of the room and spins you around to the music. “I can’t.”

“Sure you can,” she shouts over the music, proceeding to move her body dramatically. You can’t help but laugh. Shaking your head, you realize dancing really isn’t a big deal and you allow Soyoung to move you to the beat. And eventually, you can do it by yourself.

You close your eyes as you sway to the music, occasionally bumping into Soyoung on purpose. It even gets to the point where you feel comfortable enough to lift your arms into the air, which is something you’d never thought you’d do.

It’s not until a few songs later that you finally open your eyes. And when you do, you immediately meet his gaze.

A jolt of electricity goes up your spine at the look Jung Hoseok is giving you right now. He’s leaning against the fireplace in the room across from you, changed out of that expensive suit he was wearing earlier. Now, he’s only wearing the white button up—sleeves rolled to his elbows—and a pair of navy-blue shorts. In his hand he nurses a beer, and that’s when you realize he’s still with that girl from earlier.

You try to keep your expression neutral as you stare at them; but by the way Hoseok’s hard gaze morphs into something smugger, you know you’re doing a bad job at concealing your feelings.

Dammit.

You quickly whisper something to Soyoung about needing some air as you look for the nearest exit. Unfortunately, you don’t know your way around the house. You meander around for a moment before you find a door that leads to the backyard. Breathing a sigh of relief, you open the door and walk into the cool summer night.

There’s a pathway of rocks that leads to the dock of a body of water—a body of water that you didn’t even know existed. You aren’t sure what to call it; a large pond? Whatever it is, you take the pathway until you reach the end of the dock. There, you settle on the edge and stare at the murky depths.

Bodies of water like this were unpredictable. You had no idea how deep it actually was. It could seem shallow, but in actuality be sixty feet deep. For a second, you consider dipping your toes in; however, you decide against it. Who knows what’s in there?

You allow the echoes of cicadas and other small insects to fill your senses. Eventually, you even lay down on the dock and close your eyes, trying not to think too much about—

“What are you doing?”

Your eyes flash open. And as they adjust to the night, you make out Hoseok’s infuriating perfect face. He’s leaning over you, and it pisses you off that he looks good even from this obscene angle. “Go away.”

“Well, aren’t you grumpy,” he hums. “It seemed like you were having a great time shaking you’re a—”

“Hoseok,” you breathe. “Leave me alone. I don’t want to play your stupid games right now.”

He cracks a rare half-smile. “Who said anything about playing games?”

When you don’t answer him, Hoseok’s smile falls and he frowns. You don’t care what else he has to say; you really meant it when you said you’re not in the mood for him right now. However, the boy doesn’t seem to take the hint like he usually does. Because he settles right beside you on the dock, laying down so he’s now eye-level with you.

“You’re insufferable,” you roll your eyes, shifting away from him.

“That’s what you like about me.”

“Who said I liked you?”

“I think your actions speak louder than you think,” he says, sounding awfully calm right now, which is very unlike him. You have no other choice but to look at him. And when you do, your breath gets caught in your throat. Even in the darkness, his eyes seem to sparkle as he looks at you—so fucking intently like he’s seeing you for the first time.

You don’t like it.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you force your eyes away, but his stare burns your skin anyway.

“You were jealous at dinner, weren’t you?”

The scoff that leaves your lips sounds beyond bitter. “No, of course not. Why would I be?”

“If you were jealous,” Hoseok begins, which makes your stomach churn, “don’t be.”

“Huh?” you ask, still not able to look at him.

“Don’t be,” he repeats. “Don’t be jealous of Nina.”

“I wasn’t jealous of—”

He cuts you off. “Don’t be jealous of her. She’s just a family friend.”

“But you two seem so close…”

Hoseok laughs. “I just entertain her because our parents have been friends forever. I’m pretty sure they want me to marry someone like her. I mean, she’s hot”—you suck in a breath— “but she’s not you.”

Your eyes finally give him and meet his, and he’s still staring at you. “What’s that supposed to mean.”

As you both look at each other, you expect him to say something. But he never does. Instead, he scoots a few inches closer to you—so close your noses are almost touching—and runs his fingers through your hair. Weaving his digits through your still messy hair, he pulls your head towards his and your lips meet.

And underneath the moonlight, you allow Hoseok to kiss you until your head is dizzy and you have no choice but to let him consume you again.

***

The next morning, you find yourself wrapped in pristine white sheets that feel like silk beneath your fingers. But that’s not the only thing you’re wrapped in. A heavy arm is slumped over your waist and the body heat emanating from him sets yourself ablaze.

Last night, after Hoseok bruised your mouth and skin with his lips at the dock, you asked him why he was at the party.

“This is my house,” he said so casually, like it wasn’t a big deal at all. Your eyes bulged out of their sockets. “Well, my house for the summer at least.”

“You’ve been here this whole time?”

He nodded. “Our actual house is in the city, and I hate driving back and forth so much—especially since I’m here with the guys nearly every day. So, my parents decided to rent this.”

You didn’t know what to say. But you realized there was nothing that needed to be said because since this is where he was staying, it meant his bedroom was here too. You let him walk you back to the villa and up the stairs into his room, to which you had to text Soyoung and let her know you were headed home early. A lie. You told her you felt sick. Another lie. But she didn’t seem to mind. She had found a few other employees of the country club there and would walk back with them.

After losing track of how many orgasms he gave you, youth both shared a bottle of vodka he had stashed underneath his bed. And tipsy you had no inhibitions.

Every question Hoseok asked, you answered honestly.

“Favorite color?”

“Red.”

“Do you like working at the country club?”

“It’s a job.”

“If you could do anything in the world, what would it be?”

“Spend my life away on some island.”

He laughed. “Really?”

“Island life s-seems fun. It’s relaxing. You don’t have to worry about anything,” you slightly slurred your words. “You?”

“I think island life seems to be the move now.”

You both talked so much. About anything and everything. It reminded you so much of the first time you really spoke to him. Moments like this made Hoseok feel normal, which you don’t know how to feel about yet.

But one thing you realized you did enjoy was his laugh—his real laugh. Not the one he smirked with, but the one he gave when he thought no one else was watching.

You must’ve said something stupid—you honestly can’t recall it now—but when he doubled over in laughter, it was infectious.

The good thing is that you don’t have work today, which means you don’t have to rush anywhere. But you have a feeling that you’ve overstayed your welcome. You didn’t even mean to stay the night, but you’d been so comfortable in Hoseok’s bed that you fell asleep after all the conversations. It was probably the best sleep you’ve ever had.

You’re going to give the credit to Hoseok’s expensive mattress, and definitely not him.

Though, you can’t deny how good it feels to have him spooning you. A part of you wants to stay in this bed forever, but that’s crazy talk—you shouldn’t have come into the bed with him at all. You keep telling yourself—over and over again—that you don’t want to fuck him again.

But you’ve been such a liar.

Now, you’ve accepted the fact that you can’t resist him. You know it’s just sex, but you didn’t want to get involved with him in the first place.

You take in a few breaths as you try to move his arm off of you. Hoseok shifts a little, and you risk a look over your shoulder. When your eyes take in his face, your heart stutters for a moment. With his mouth slightly parted and eyes still firmly closed, you realize that he looks so peaceful asleep. So vulnerable. You have to force yourself from touching him.

What the fuck, y/n?

Turning back around, you gently pry his arm off of you and pray that you don’t wake him. But all your careful maneuvering proves to be futile because his arm releases from your grip and moves back down to your waist. With a squeal, Hoseok pulls you back on his chest.

“Where do you think you’re going?” God, his morning voice is so hot.

“Um, leaving?” you sound like an idiot.

“Stay,” he breathes against the back of your head.

You want to. You really, really want to. “I can’t.”

“Why not?” he asks, snaking his arms underneath the covers to find you—skin still bare from last night’s activities. Your breath hitches as his fingers trail across your skin, each touch feeling like sparks.

“I-I have somewhere I have to be,” you stutter as his rough hand wraps around one of your breasts, squeezing tight. Your nipple hardens immediately.

Hoseok slips the covers off your body, exposing you to the cool air-conditioned room. And without warning, he moves on top of you and begins trailing his lips over your body. You notice that he makes sure to suck those bruises he left scattered across your skin extra hard, purpling them even more.

“Hoseok,” you try not to moan. “I really have t-to—”

His lips crashing onto yours shuts you up. You kiss him back forcefully, nipping his lips with your teeth and running your tongue across his. As you two battle it out, he settles in-between your thighs. Bringing a hand down your abdomen, it slides straight to your cunt—which is already drenched.

He hisses against your lips. “So fucking wet. Thought you had to go?”

“Shut up,” you moan as he runs a finger from your ass to your clit, swirling your juices everywhere. Involuntarily, your hips buck up when he slides a finger inside of you. He gently fucks you like that for a moment, leaving you writhing underneath him. “More, Hoseok—I need more.”

A wicked smile erupts on his face. “Are you going to beg for it?”

An incredulous expression lights your face. You’ve never begged in bed before, and you aren’t going to start now. However, the man on top of you is sure getting a kick out of this. Hoseok moves his finger slowly out of you, which agitates you to no end. If you weren’t so horny right now, you’d kill him.

“No,” you narrow your eyes, not willing to give in.

His finger stops moving. “A shame, really.”

You freeze. “What the fuck, Jung Hoseok?”

“I’m not doing anything until you say please,” he smirks, moving his upper body away from you.

Even though you’re pissed, you can’t help but drink in the Adonis in front of you. Like you, Hoseok is completely naked. Your eyes rake his defined muscles and his thick cock that’s already unbelievably hard. He’s hard for you. The fact that you turn him on makes you feel good—too good.

“Fine,” you shrug, and his smirk falls. “Just get blue balls then.”

As his body goes slack for a moment, you use the opportunity to slip from the bed. But you don’t manage to get very far at all. You probably only take three steps before his arm wraps around you and pulls you back to the bed.

You fall on your back, and Hoseok pins your arms on either side to keep you from moving. Still, you squirm—heart drumming in your chest at the look on his face. His eyes have turned black, and he looks like he wants to devour you. “I’m not begging.”

“We’ll see about that.”

With your arms still pinned, Hoseok lowers his body and your legs spread on their own accord. Fuck you, body. The movement makes him chuckle darkly and he begins peppering kisses along your thigh. Your breath hitches in your throat, which turns into a gasp when he suddenly bites down on your flesh. Not hard enough to draw blood, but it’s enough to be painful.

And as much as you hate to admit it, you like it very much.

Hoseok continues alternating between kissing and biting your thighs until you’re one-hundred-percent positive there is a pool of your wetness on the bed. You know what he’s trying to do and it’s working, but you don’t want to give in. And then he’s so close to your pussy, not even an inch away. You can feel his breath fanning you there. If you just move your hips a little…

“Don’t even think about it,” he moves his head away.

You release a groan of frustration. “Oh my god.”

“If you just say the magic word,” he taunts, lips now on your stomach. He moves low, but never low enough; never where you want him to go.

When he moves up your body, pressing chaste kisses on your nipples before latching his lips on your neck, you release a breathy moan. Hoseok lets out a groan from the back of his throat, hands tightening around your wrists. Fuck, why are the noises he makes even attractive? “Hoseok…”

“Y/n,” he’s still sucking on your neck.

This position, you realize, aligns him perfectly with your body. Again, if you were able to move just a little bit…but Hoseok’s weighing you down with his body, not allowing you to move at all.

“Hoseok,” you say his name again, but he doesn’t respond—he just moves his lips to your ear, nibbling on the sensitive flesh there. And that’s when you crumble. You can’t take it anymore. “Please…please just fuck me already.”

Simultaneously, he curses into your ear as he slides his cock into you. Too perfect—the way he fills you up is too perfect.

You expect Hoseok to fuck you hard, hips slamming into you, but he doesn’t. His thrusts are slow, but the way he hits your cervix has you nearly in tears. Fuck. He releases the hold on your wrists to grip onto either side of your face. With lips ghosting over yours, you tangle your hands into his dark hair.

Your breaths mesh together as he continues to fuck you with slow, measured thrusts. You’ve grown accustomed to the rough way Hoseok likes to fuck; but for some reason, you love this so much more. It’s intimate and makes your chest tighten in a strange way but feels so good you don’t want it to stop.

“Please,” you whisper against his lips again.

“Fuck, sweetheart,” he groans, rolling his hips in a way that has you arching off the bed. Yes.

“Just like t-that,” you say, slanting your mouth to mold against his again.

Your orgasm comes without warning; you moan into Hoseok’s mouth, gripping him closer to you and you ride your high. Through the haze of your earth-shattering orgasm, you hear Hoseok ask if he can come inside you. He’s always pulled out—even last night when he fucked you for hours. But right now you don’t care, and your answer comes in the form of your legs wrapping around his hips.

He kisses you hard and comes inside you a moment later. You’ve never let anyone else come raw inside of you; never trusted anyone else that much. And in that moment, a terrifying thought flashes across your mind.

I’m in love you.

The thought comes so suddenly, burns your brain so hotly, your body stills. Hoseok finally lifts off of you, eyes crinkling in concern. “You okay?”

You quickly try to shake the feeling away. “Um, yeah.”

“You sure? Should I not have come inside you?” he slips out of you, and for some reason you want to cry at the sudden emptiness you feel. “You’re looking pale right now.”

“No, it was fine,” you blink too fast, feeling tears begin to well in your eyes. Get a fucking grip on yourself. “I’m sorry, I really have to go.”

Hoseok doesn’t try to stop you this time when you move away from the bed. You find your clothes on the floor and slip everything back on without looking at him, even though you can feel his gaze on you the entire time. Not bothering to check your appearance, you grab your stuff and move towards his door.

“Y/n,” he calls your name, voice sounding strange, but you don’t want to look at him. If you look at him, you’re going to start crying. And that’s too embarrassing to explain.

You slip out of his bedroom and take the stairs two at a time. As you rush down, you run into someone. “Sorry—”

Looking up, you realize it’s Seokjin; he must’ve stayed the night. Even in your distress, you feel feverish wondering if you were too loud. However, he takes one look at you and stares like he has you all figured out. Your heart threatens to beat out of your chest.

“Did something happen…?” he asks, looking at the door you just left wide open upstairs.

“Don’t worry about it,” you quickly say, adverting your eyes and sidestepping him.

This morning, it’s much easier to find the front door. Just as you’re about to slip out, you hear your name being called again, heavy steps thundering down the stairs. Shit, shit, shit. You break into a run and don��t stop until you have no more air to spare in your lungs. Thankfully, you’re far enough from the villa and close to the country club.

Only then do you allow yourself to fall into the grass as the tears finally cascade down your cheeks.

You’re a fool, you realize. A fool to have fallen in love with someone like Jung Hoseok. Someone who will never feel the same way. Someone who just uses you for a good time. someone who you barely even know. Someone you never wanted to get involved with.

***

You call out of work the next week, claiming to have the stomach bug. But you don’t have the stomach bug; in fact, you’re not even physically ill at all. You just can’t bear the thought of running into Hoseok at the country club.

On the first day, you listen to your sad girl hours playlist on repeat.

During your second day of moping in bed, you half consider quitting your job. Would it be too cowardly? Maybe. Unfortunately, there’s only a few weeks left of summer and you doubt that you’ll be able to find another job.

When the third day arrives, you finally get out of bed and take a proper shower. You didn’t realize how much you needed it.

Your mom knocks on your door on the fourth day. You only know it’s her by the way she taps on your door rhythmically; she’s always done that ever since you were a child. When you don’t respond, she dares to crack the door open. Shit, you forgot to lock it last night.

“Are you feeling better, love?”

You don’t move on the bed, hoping your mother thinks you’re asleep or something. But despite you not moving, she still shuffles into your room and settles herself on the edge of the bed.

“Is this because I haven’t been spending time with you this summer?”

No, mom. It’s me. I fucked up. Although, I would appreciate it if you did spend time with me—like you dragged me here this summer to do.

“I’m really sorry, love,” she whispers, getting up after a moment.

Once you’re sure she’s by the door, you finally open your mouth. “It’s not because of you. It’s…something else.”

You hear her grab onto the door, but she doesn’t say another word before leaving you all alone again.

On the fifth day, the bruises that littered your skin finally start fading. Glancing into the mirror of your bathroom, you run your fingers along the—now greenish-yellow—hickies he left on your neck. Goodness, there were so many. And annoyingly enough, you can still feel exactly where he had touched you—like his hands are still there right now.

Pulling your t-shirt down, you see more evidence of Hoseok’s assault on your chest. You have to stop yourself from looking at the rest of your body.

The sixth day you, finally, spend time pondering that terrifying thought you had about Hoseok. Are you actually in love with him? Do you even know what love feels like? What even is love? You’ve always been an overthinker, and these questions only make your head spin more. But after hours and hours of teetering the files of your brain, you do know one thing.

You like him.

You like Hoseok a lot.

It might not be love—perhaps that had been your sex-brain talking—but you were definitely starting to fall for him. You don’t know when or where the change happened, or maybe you’ve always liked him, but it feels good to finally admit the truth to yourself.

Now, the real challenge was if you would tell him.

Would it be worth it?

***

“Y/n, I seriously thought you’d quit!”

Soyoung is the first person you run into on your first day back. You just thank god it’s her and not someone else. You flash her a quick smile and greeting. “Hey.”

“What happened to you?” she asks, walking beside you down the hall.

“Stomach bug,” the lie passes surprisingly easily through your lips. Good thing you had enough time to practice saying those words out loud.

Soyoung makes a face. “That must’ve been awful, but I’m glad you’re well enough to be here.”

“Yeah, totally.”

She leaves you at the golf cart and you get into the seat with a sigh. Over the month and whatever weeks you’ve been here, driving the cart now feels like second nature. You no longer bump into displays or people.

As you drive around the green, you make a stop at every hole and offer the players drinks. At the beginning of summer, you’d been a little apprehensive about this job. However, it turns out, working as the drink cart girl isn’t half bad. The tips you make are worth being out in the scorching summer sun.

Towards the end of your round, you feel your nerves twist. You’re relieved that you haven’t seen Hoseok; then again, a part of you is worried. Why isn’t he here? He’s always here. Every single time you’ve driven on the range, he’s been here.

Where is he today?

Soon, you realize that you didn’t need to worry at all.

At the last hole, you see him—well, them. Hoseok, Seokjin, Namjoon, and Jeongguk are together, like they always seem to be. Inseparable. For a second, you think about skipping them, but then you overhear their conversation.

“Damn, Hoseok,” Jeongguk whistles, leaning against his club, “this is the worst game you’ve ever played.”

“He played worse than Namjoon,” Seokjin snickers.

Namjoon narrows his eyes. “I’m not that bad.”

“You lack coordination,” Seokjin explains to his friend, as if that was supposed to make the burn better. “And Hoseok usually always wins.”

“Now that I’m thinking about it, he hasn’t played well all week,” Jeongguk twists his lips.

“Dude probably hasn’t had ass in a week,” Namjoon comments.

“I’m right fucking here, assholes.”

You finally allow your eyes to settle on the man of the hour. Like his friends have suggested, he does seem off today. Normally, the Jung Hoseok you know is easy going, laid back. He’s usually cocky and charismatic. Every time you’ve seen him play golf, he’s amazing. He always swings with blind sureness—like he knows the ball will hit green. But the man you’re looking at right now is beyond tense and agitated.

“You’re no fun today,” Jeongguk pouts.

“He hasn’t been fun all week,” Seokjin rolls his eyes. “Not since the house party.”

Your hands stiffen on wheel. Hoseok’s been in a mood for a whole week? You try to find the answer to your own question in his eyes, but he hasn’t looked in your direction yet. In fact, none of them seem to realize you’re close. They all seem to be thrown off their usual balance. That obvious fact makes you realize you should probably just skip them. But as you lift your foot to press the gas pedal, Seokjin notices you.

Damn. Why is he always the first one to see you?

His eyes widen at your appearance. “Just the girl I was thinking about.”

That statement draws everyone else from their stupor and towards you. You watch as Jeongguk and Namjoon’s eyes also widen, but the only pairs of eyes you really care about right now can’t even meet yours. Hoseok shoots you a glance before twisting away, jaw hardened. Ouch. You feel a pang in your chest.

For some reason, his dismissal hurts more than anything else right now.

“Glad you finally arrived,” Seokjin continues talking, walking closer to you. “I was wondering when you’d come.”

It was weird to have Seokjin speak so much to you. The only person you ever really spoke to was Hoseok, but it seems like he’s the last person who wants to talk to you right now. Maybe coming into work was a bad idea.

“I think you should talk to him,” he says, and it was your turn to have wide eyes.

“I don’t know…” What could you even say to him? You don’t know where to begin because you don’t know what kind of relationship you have with Hoseok. Did you want a relationship with him? Did he even feel the same way?

“He’s been a fucking wreck all week because of you, you know?”

Your chest hurts. “Really?”

Seokjin nods. “I mean, the guy’s always a pain in the ass…” he rolls his eyes, “but it’s worse now.”

Maybe you hadn’t been the only one suffering this past week. As horrible as it sounds, the thought makes you feel…hopeful.

“We’ll take your cart back and cover for you, if you want.”

You stare at Seokjin and find yourself nodding. “Okay.”

He calls Jeongguk and Namjoon over, asking you to get out of the cart. “Don’t worry—we won’t steal your money.”

It’s a joke. You know it’s a joke. Still, you can’t help the next that slip past your lips unconsciously. “Like you all need it.”

The three of them laugh at you as they pile into the cart. Before you can say anything else, they drive off—leaving you alone with the one person you’re most nervous to speak to. He’s still turned away from you, staring off into the distance. You will your heart to stop racing as you wipe your sweaty hands on the back of your shorts.

Calm down.

You take a deep breath before you decide it’s now or never. Deciding it is time, you take the tentative steps towards Hoseok and run a million different scenarios in your head. What’s the worst thing that can happen? He tells you to fuck off and never speak to him again?

Nausea settles into your throat at the idea.

By the time you run another worst-case-scenario into your head, you’re just a few steps behind him. Closer to him now, you feel like you’re going to burst at the seams. You stare at his disheveled hair—like he’s been running a hand through it all day—and stiff body. Despite his rigid posture, he’s still the most handsome person you’ve ever seen.

You don’t know long you stand there and stare at Hoseok, but you don’t jolt out of your daze until you hear his voice.

“Are you just going to stare at me all day?”

“Oh, you’re—I mean, I—” you fumble with your words, nervously twitching your hands. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to talk.”

“It’s kind of hard to talk to someone who doesn’t even like me,” he says, finally turning to face you.

What? “Hoseok—”

“I know you hate me, so I won’t bother you again, if that’s what you wanted to talk about,” his voice is detached, and you realize you’ve never seen this side of him before. No wonder his friends were fed up with him. You would’ve been too. “Sorry if I annoyed you this summer.”

Without another word, he begins to walk away from you. What the hell is going on? You shake your head as you march up to him and grab onto his shirt. “Stop.”

“Y/n…”

“Hoseok, shut up!” You bring your eyes up to glare at him. “Just—just let me talk first, okay?”

His eyes are still cold, but you can see a bit of softness pool in them. “Fine.”

“You’re an idiot,” you breathe, dropping your fist and feeling something prick your vision. “I-I don’t hate you…I don’t hate you at all. And I don’t want you to stop bothering me. Yes, you’re annoying”—you feel him take a step away— “but I like it. I like you. I like you a lot, Hoseok. So much…I don’t even know—”

He stops your rambling with his lips. The kiss makes your heart soar and ache all at once because it feels so damn good—Hoseok feels so damn good. But it ends all too soon when he pulls away.

“I like you too.”

“Then why are you being so mean to me?” You feel an onslaught of tears flow down your cheeks.

Hoseok wipes a tear away with his thumb. “Because I thought you hated me.”

“Well, I don’t,” you sniffle.

“Then, why’d you leave?”

You know he’s talking about that morning. Do you tell him the truth? “Because I thought I was in love with you.”

“Love?” he chokes, and you feel a blush heat your face. “What made you think that?”

“Uh…it was just a sudden thought,” you awkwardly scratch the side of your face. “But I thought about it, and it’s not love…at least, not yet.”

You say that last part so quietly, you don’t think Hoseok even heard. However, the way his eyes gloss over for a moment lets you know that he did. You’re even more embarrassed now. You try to cover your face, but he grabs both of your hands before you can.

“Let’s take this one step at a time, yeah?” Look at him being the rational one here.

You nod, agreeing with him. “So, we like each other.”

“We do,” he says, suddenly pulling you closer to him. Your body hums being so close to him. Being close like this, you’re able to wrap your arms around him and does the same—hand moving to the back of your neck to tilt your head back. At this angle, you’re exposed to him.

“So, what are we?” you dared to ask the question.

Hoseok ghosts his lips over you. “I don’t like sharing.”

Butterflies erupt in your stomach. “I haven’t been with anyone else this summer.”

It’s the truth. You haven’t even looked twice at anyone else. You haven’t desired anyone else. You don’t think you ever can again. Jung Hoseok has ruined you.

“Me either.”

“You and Nina—”

“We’re just family friends, remember?” he cuts you off.

“She clearly likes you.”

“Well, she’s not you. I’ve told you that before.”

He did. And, for some reason, you believed him.

“So, what are we?” you ask again, looking up at Hoseok to gauge what he’s going to say. He stares down at you for a moment before that smirk you know all too well graces his lips. As irritating as it is, you’ve missed it.

“We’re dating,” his eyes sparkle, before dimming a little. “If you’ll have me.”

Warmth pools in your stomach as you nod. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

[fbfh]

dear baby; strawberry milkshakes - leo x reader parents au

words: 1.8k

summary: You and Leo are getting used to adulting together, when Chiron asks for your help. Next thing you know, there’s a little demigod for you two to take care of - and you’re not going to let her down.

warnings: almost boning but getting interrupted, shit is said twice, one use of fucking I think, mentions of orphanages and the foster care system, mentions of CPS, being at a CPS building, adopting a child, leo has trauma, leo and reader take in a child when you’re both 19, technically teen parents but not really, the kid has some trauma too, everyone has trauma but literally what’s new

au: sort of college + parents au

song recs: raining in new york mix - the bootleg boy (tw for some sort of sad dialogue samples), falling in love with love - bernadette peters in cinderella (1997)

a/n:  I saw a kids book called Sophia Valdez Future Prez and I know nothing about it but immediately knew I had to do a parents au where you and Leo have a daughter named sophia???????? also I accidentally gave myself baby fever whoopsie

also I was barely able to proof read this and had no brain while writing half of it so if the beginning feels rushed at all that’s why teehee

Straddling his lap, you start to take off Leo’s shirt. He tilts his head to the side as you nip at the skin gently. He moans softly, then tenses. 

"Shit!" He hisses, sitting up and pulling your shorts back up. You look at him bewildered, and he nods his head to the side, and you see a shimmery cloud that says that you have an incoming iris message from Chiron.  

"Oh shit," you echo, moving to a reasonable distance away from him, a thick throw blanket tossed gracefully across your legs and pulled up to cover your chest, and you're grateful your shirt hadn't been thrown across the room already. 

He pulls his shirt down and you toss him a throw pillow to cover his very obvious excitement. You give each other a ready as we'll ever be look and accept the call. 

"Hey Chiron… what's up?" Leo asks nonchalantly. 

"You must pardon my intrusion, dear children, I hope I'm not - er - interrupting anything.” “No, no, not at all,” you answer, hoping what you had been doing wasn’t too obvious in spite of how both of you are looking particularly flushed and deschevled, “we were just watching a movie.” 

Leo nods in agreement, and you list two different movies at the exact same time, the dark knight rises and moonstruck.

A beat passes, and you continue, “Double feature. Just finished Batman and we’re about to start Moonstruck.” 

Leo agrees. You can’t tell if Chiron is buying it, but he seems to move on relatively quickly. 

“Right. I’m afraid I must ask for your help with a rather time sensitive situation.” your brows furrow in unicen as he continues. 

He tells you about a young demigod a satyr found, not even four years old yet, but they haven’t been able to get her to camp. Apparently there were some complications, and CPS was called, now they’re looking for her parents to see if she’s going to a foster home or orphanage. If they can’t get to her before the CPS finishes processing her, she’ll be lost in the system. He’s asking older demigods and demigod families in New York, since processing time will go the fastest if the family or guardians are in-state. 

“I know it’s a lot to ask, but please consider taking her in, at least temporarily.” You and Leo share a look, hearts already hurting that life has gotten to this kid so soon. 

“I’ll give you some time to discuss this, please call me back as soon as you have an answer.” 

You agree, and the shimmery image of Chiron dissipates.

“... Oh my god,” you breathe. 

You turn to each other again, the same thing mirrored in each other's eyes. An immediate, unspoken conformation that there’s no way you can’t help this kid out passes between you. You know Leo, especially, will do whatever needs to be done to keep another orphaned demigod out of the foster system. The scope of the impact you could have on this kid’s life starts to dawn on you, and you lock eyes with Leo again, his face set in determination. 

“Estrella,” he starts, and you know what he’s going to say. 

“I know,” you confirm in agreement.

His leg is bouncing, and you lean over, grabbing a notepad and pen from the coffee table. Your mind is already racing, and you begin scribbling down a list of everything you’d need to do; get her a bed and clothes, research where she is in her developmental stages, put together a meal plan or at least some foods she’ll like - what do toddlers even eat? He starts pacing around the coffee table. 

“We gotta help this kid, we-” he cuts himself off, overwhelmed with determination. 

“We will.” you confirm, equally determined. You grab your laptop and start copying your list digitally so you can get everything organized. You stare at your reflection in the black screen while you wait for your computer to boot up. Once again, the reality of your situation hits you.

“We’re 19…” you state, in disbelief. Your mind is racing with doubts. What if you somehow make everything worse, what if you can’t handle it? He crouches next to you, placing his hand on your cheek.

“And we have a lot of love to give.” The smile in your eyes tells him that you know he’s right. You transcribe your writing, surprised that you’re okay with how fast this is all moving, and you let out another breathy laugh of disbelief. 

You go through your hastily made checklist, switching between tabs about child psychology, parenting advice, and kid’s furniture and clothes websites, strategizing with Leo on how you can pull this off, and a plan gradually comes together.

“I mean, this is a two bedroom,” he says as you look through pages of bed frames and mattresses, “we can clear out our studio and turn it into her room.” 

“And…” you add, checking yet another tab, “there’s a building nearby that rents out studio spaces and workshop areas. Ooh, and free parking.” you read on the website. It’s already late, but you send them an email anyway. Hopefully they’ll get back to you tomorrow. But for now… 

“We can get a bed tonight, but we’d have to hurry. We can probably get some pjs and maybe a stuffed animal while we’re there- toothbrush!” You exclaim, adding it to your list, “I knew I was forgetting something…”

 Leo stops pacing, and looks at you. “So… we’re doing this?” You can’t fight the smile on your face, and he already has his answer. 

“We’d better call Chiron back,” you say, excitedly bubbling out. You both enter the bathroom, and iris message chiron with mist from the shower. He answers almost immediately.

“We thought it over and…” you trail off, letting him finish.

“We want to help.” 

After changing into some presentable clothes and swinging by the store for a car seat and some other essentials (you almost forgot tooth paste this time), you’re driving with Leo to meet Chiron at the CPS office where they had Sophia - the girl Chiron told you about. You call the Ikea store not too far from your apartment, thankful you’re able to reach them before they close. You arrange to have them deliver a toddler bed to the spare bedroom in your apartment, your neighbor agreeing to let them in. Luckily, you had the presence of mind to get most of your and Leo’s stuff out of there, the corner of the living room now holding your desk and his drafting table. 

You’re still a little blurry on the details of how you’re going to get custody of this kid when you’re barely legal and have no ties to her or her family, but Chiron said he could work everything out. You assume the Mist will come in very handy. You and Leo discuss this on the way over. 

You can tell he’s worried. Knowing the horrors he went through in the foster system would be bad enough without all the demigod bullshit on top of everything. You take another deep breath. 

“This is what’s best for her,” he says matter of factly, “she needs to be with people who understand her.” You agree, and he continues, very fired up.

“She needs to be in an environment where she’s not going to be ignored and ostracized; she needs to be part of a family, not a fucking meal ticket.” 

You squeeze his leg supportively, and he takes another breath. 

“You’re right. And she’s going to get all of that.” He scoffs in agreement.

“There’s not a better place for someone like her than-”

“With someone like her.” you finish. He pulls into the parking lot and you enter, meeting Chiron in the building. Your hand holds Leo’s tightly, unsure of who’s shaking more. Chiron explains that he already had a discussion (wink wink) with the social worker, and knows that he has the perfect couple to take little Sophia in, and all you have to do is meet with her and sign some papers. 

So that brings you here, waiting outside the office door, holding each other’s trembling hands before finally entering. She doesn’t look up at you at first, until the social worker introduces you. Leo squeezes your hand, and she finally looks up, her eyes speaking a language you and Leo know. You know there is absolutely no going back from here, and you both sit down across from her. 

“Hi, you’re Sophia, right?” She looks away, clearly and understandably overwhelmed. 

“Don’t be rude, Sophia-” the social worker starts, but you cut her off. 

 “It’s okay, she didn’t do anything wrong.” you turn back to her, “You know, me and Leo have an extra bedroom at our apartment, and a kitten that I think would really like you. Do you want to come stay with us?” 

She doesn’t look back up right away, but she turns her head towards you. 

“Is it a boy or a girl?” she asks softly. How is she so precious already?

“A girl,” you reply, “named Jackhammer, because she purrs so loud.” 

She giggles, and you and Leo squeeze each other’s hands in unison.

“Really?” she asks. 

“Oh yeah,” you reply, “I’m sure she’d love to play catch the mouse with you.” She considers for a moment, then looks over at the social worker, who gives her an encouraging nod. After a moment of consideration, she replies quietly, “...Okay.” 

She hops down from her chair, and you both follow suit. The social worker hands you some papers, and you both sign. You guide her to the lobby, let Chiron know it went well and promise to update him soon, and bring her to the car. You pull out of the parking lot. 

Not long after leaving, you see a fast food place. 

“Are you guys hungry?” you ask, nudging Leo gently. 

“Yeah, I could definitely go for some fries. How bout you Sophia?” 

She nods, then asks quietly, “Can I get a milkshake?” 

Her expression is hesitant, and you get the sense she’s expecting a no. 

“Of course kiddo,” you say.

“What flavor do you want?” Leo finishes, turning to look at her. Her eyes are bright with hesitant excitement. 

“Strawberry, please.” 

After leaving the drive through, you have Leo search through your phone for any kid friendly music, and discover the only thing you have saved that’s appropriate for present company is the soundtrack to the Cinderella musical from 1997.

That’s how your little family started; driving late at night, singing along to Bernadette Peters, and drinking strawberry milkshakes.

[giorno-plays-piano]

Sinking under Part 2

Pairing: detective!Steve x Reader Warnings: yandere, stalking, death of minor character, allusion to non-con, swearing, brief mention of suicidal thoughts. Words: 1931. Summary: You are suspected of a murder you did not commit. Steve Rogers, a detective employed by the mother of a victim, makes your life even more pitiful than it already is. Part 1 P.S. A big shout-out to awesome @tansypoisoning​ who helped me a lot with this part! If not her, I think I’d never write this :D Sending you lots of love! _____________________________________  You were shaking like a leaf, your hands trembling so badly you couldn’t hold your phone, and Steve quickly put it in the pocket of his formal black pants. He was hugging you close, your head on his chest again like when you had encountered him in a supermarket half a year ago. You were leaving the courtroom. You were not the defendant. You were asked to participate in the trial as a witness.

“You’re a fucking slut!” A woman’s high-pitched voice almost made you deaf. “I KNOW IT WAS YOU! IT WAS YOU! YOU! I’LL SUE YOU, YOU LITTLE BITCH!”

Steve fastened his pace, and the two of you were pretty much running away to the exit, rushing before the crowd would come out of the room. The murderer had been found, and they proved he was guilty for your neighbor’s death, not you. It took them long six months before the judge stated that the best friend of the victim was found guilty as there was more than enough evidence to support his charge. 

Six months. Six months of constant fear for your own life, barely moving outside of your house, being scared to touch your phone to see hate messages from the family of that dead bastard, taking more pills than you had your entire life. Six months of being continuously bullied and followed around. You could hardly count how many times you wanted to jump off the bridge or take too many pills at once.

“It’s alright, it’s alright, darling.” Steve easily pushed through the line of reporters with their microphones, recorders, and cameras. “We’re close, hold on to me.”

All other voices blended into incomprehensible noise: people asking you thousands of questions, someone still yelling from the back, and policemen demanding everyone to keep out the way. You saw nothing, moving fast with Steve to his car. He was your shield; the one who kept protecting you at all costs.

When he found out about hate mails, he simply took your SIM card and gave you a new one with just his name in the list of contacts. When he saw his own employer coming over to your house to harass you with her accusations, he found a cheap apartment in the outskirts of the town and helped you to relocate fast. Steve had been helping with the investigation, tracking every other suspect down and telling you every significant detail he wanted you to know. He followed you too, of course, to pretend he was doing his job and avoid any suspicion. No one needed to know the nature of your relationship.

What was it, anyway? First couple of months it was hard to tell. You felt like he was simply using you to satisfy his own needs, though Steve was a considerate lover to an extent. He could fuck you literally anywhere, including the back of his own car. He enjoyed making a mess out of you, your makeup smeared and hair wild, and sometimes it was either driving you mad or making you frightened. But then he was really great at aftercare, getting very affectionate. He could help you to wipe your face and adjust your clothes carefully, and if you were home he would bring you to the shower and wash your hair so tenderly it could make you cry.

Nonetheless, it felt rather strange he was ready to trade sex for protecting you from the accusations of his employer. You couldn’t understand why he went through all this hassle just for a chance to fuck some girl. With his angelic appearance women would probably line up to get into his bed.

You had finally landed on the car seat, Steve on your left already turned on the engine and moved before you were approached by a few reporters who kept following you.

“You’re safe.” He said softly, turning his head to you and curling his lips in a heartwarming smile. “We’ve won, baby. Fuck all these scumbags, we’re done with this shit.”

You burst into tears with your hands still trembling, and Steve reached out to grab your palm. Forcing yourself to smile back at him, you wiped your face with your other hand. You were lucky he was with you.

“T-thank you, Steve.” You murmured quietly as if you still couldn’t believe it’s over. “Thank for everything you’ve done for me.”

“Come on, darling. I only did what I thought was right.” His smile grew wider at your appreciation of his efforts, and he rubbed your hand. “You can’t imagine how happy I am we’re through this goddamn investigation. It calls for a celebration, don’t you think? I want some champagne and oysters.”

You laughed through tears, shaking your head. Steve had one quality you were always jealous of – he was optimistic. Even at the worst times, he was able to keep his head high and pull himself together. Then he helped you to get through with your issues too. Of course, he demanded to listen to him, to follow the rules he set for you – don’t mess with other men, don’t go where I can’t follow, don’t speak to police unless I instruct you to, don’t leave without telling me first – but it was a small price to pay for the protection he offered.

“Now we don’t have to hide anymore.” Steve turned the car, and you saw he was bringing you to his house. Naturally, celebrating there would be better than in your half-empty apartment since Steve’s place was more comfortable and cozier.

“Do you mean I can finally return to my house?” You thought of the grass on your backyard that probably grew higher than your pretty red fence.

“What?” He sounded surprised. “Why would you want to come back there, right next to the house where that piece of shit died?”

“I can’t keep living in the apartment. I’m very thankful to you, it really became my hideout, but I have my own place.”

“No, baby, come on. Friends of that guy still live in the neighborhood. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.” He brought your hand to his face and left a tender kiss on your knuckles, bringing you to tears again. “You can live with me now before I find a better place for us somewhere else.”

You gaped at him openly and heard your heart pounding in your head. Did he just offered you to live together with him? Was he so scared those men would hurt you for real? Or did it had to do something with your relationship? Wait, no, it couldn’t be. Maybe Steve liked to cuddle and spent some evenings together as if he pretended to be your boyfriend, but you never took it seriously. There was no reason to.

“You mean… you want to live together? Like a couple?”

“Well, yeah?” He flashed his beautiful smile, and you held your breath. “We can start like a couple if you need more time.”

What’s that suppose to mean?

“Steve, I don’t understand anything.” You told him honestly.

“We don’t have to pretend like we’re strangers, darling, since that old bitch can’t do anything anymore. Honestly, I’m tired of dating secretly, aren’t you too? All this precautions, living in different places so that no one knew, hiding from the windows. It was exhausting.”

Although you could agree it was really unnerving, you still didn’t understand why he called it a secret dating. Wasn’t it just… sex?

“Now we can take our relationship to the next level.” Steve was delighted, a bit too exited maybe, and then whistled, turning the car again – you were already in his neighborhood.

You couldn’t bring yourself to say anything and just kept staring at the man, taken aback by his words. Apparently, you had been missing something very important all these months. But you could swear you had never talked about anything like that before. You didn’t even remember discussing your feelings for each other much.

Obviously, Steve wasn’t happy with your silence, peeping into your absent eyes. He frowned with annoyance: usually you were much more responsive than now, always listening to what he had said.

“What is it, baby?” He asked you, his voice tight. “Don’t you want it?”

You awakened from your stupor and grasped the fabric of your dark blue skirt.

“No, it’s not that… it’s just…” You mumbled, unsure of what to say and feeling a bit scared of his displeasure with you. “We just never talked about it. I thought… I thought you didn’t want t-to be romantically involved.”

Steve blinked at your sudden confession. It took him a moment to put his thoughts together, and he rubbed his forehead with his thumb several times. Meanwhile, you remembered all those times when he brought you nice food and wine, watched movies with you, combed your hair because he really liked how pretty it looked, and made you a shoulder massage when you were too tired. He bought your meds and always took care of your mental health the best way he could. Even if you had never talked about love, do fuck buddies normally do things like that? You were not so sure anymore.

“Damn, I get it.” For some reason he laughed, shaking his head. “I didn’t say it properly to you. You’re right, it’s completely my fault. I took it for granted that you saw me as I saw you, but I’ve never verbally admitted what I wanted from this relationship. I’m sorry, darling. Please, let me do it properly this time.”

You nodded, still feeling uncertain about all this. It felt a bit unreal at best.

“I love you.” He said with a grin and placed his hand on yours again. “You’re my precious little girl, and I want you to be with me. I want to keep you safe. I want you to stay close, so I would be able to protect you.”

You didn’t know why you cried, but your pathetic whimpering made Steve look at you with awe and admiration, his other hand gently caressing your wet face. He unclasped his seatbelt and moved closer to you, kissing your forehead. It only made you cry harder.

“It’ll be alright, baby. I know you’ve been through a lot this half a year. I’ll keep helping you, ok?” He shushed you gently, your phone still in the pocket of his black pants.

“Ok.” You managed to utter between your sobs.

“That’s it, darling.” Watching you with adoration, he took a wet wipe from the box in a car seat pocket and gently rubbed your face with it. “Everything gonna be alright. When you move in with me, I’ll take care of those guys, the friends of your neighbor, and you’ll be safe. But before that, promise you’re gonna listen to me, alright?”

You nodded once again, and Steve carefully wiped the tears streaming down your cheeks.

“You’re so good for me, baby. I’ll take care of you, I promise. Just keep following the same rules we had before I deal with all those fuckheads, and nothing bad gonna happen, believe me.” He was gently rubbing your face with the wet wipe and taking off your smeared makeup, occasionally kissing your face. You kept nodding at him, not even listening to his words properly and trembling again like after leaving the courtroom when your neighbor’s mother shouted behind your back.

It was over. The trial was closed, and you were ought to be safe. But why, why did it feel like nothing had changed?

[hwangdol]

n.jm: where were you?

summary: y/n does not know what the fuck is going on half of the time. 

pairing: highschool!fboi!jaemin x fem!reader

warning: a lot of cursing, drug usage reference, crackheadness, maybe a lot of grammer error. this is my first bullet-scenario au so yeah. also! this a collab with the lovely @huangsren in out nct dreamies alternate universe teehee. she has a lovely, fluffy renjun one up so go read it!

part two!

you okay let’s get this collab with @huangsren 

so at NCT High if you don't know Na Jaemin who the hell are you? like everyone knows this kid from lunch ladies to the freaking janitors 

its not a surprise since the dude is literally dead drop gorgeous and has a shit ton of social skills. like the boy deadass can swindle his way out of detention (which he did) with just a wink 

typical fboi but instead of it being a huge turn-off, girls still throw themselves on him even when he WARNS them beforehand that he isn't looking for a serious thing

still, they get attached and heartbroken when he tells them “this isn’t working out” 

his friends (aka art-hoe!renjun and student-athlete!jeno) always rolls their eyes when jaemin rolls up into the lunchroom with his arms wrapped around a new girl’s shoulder

“bet she’s not going to last two weeks”- renjun slapping down a 10$ 

“knowing him, this isn’t going to last more than a week”- jeno said but still sliding over a 10$ bill 

AND SUPRISE it doesn’t 

both renjun and jeno don’t approve of his philandering, but they stick w jaemin cause he’s still their best bud cause bros before hoes ya know what i mean?

this is especially true with jeno cause they’ve been bffl since they were like five but that doesn’t mean that jaemin is anything like jeno. 

nah man they both are the complete opposite of each other

like jeno is a quiet reserved student-athlete boi but jaemin out here acting like a little thotty 

nomin is like a package deal, no one can separate them

here where out little y/n comes in

surprisingly you’re childhood friends w nomin 

both u and jeno are neighbors and your families have been friends since before you were even conceived 

your moms’ have weekly tea times where they’d gossip about everything and anything while your dads would be watching the weekly soccer/football games drinking a cold one 

you and jeno would be playing with some legos or barbies 

jeno had a minor (major) barbie obsession which was probably induced by you

don’t tell anyone but jeno still binge-watches barbie movies;;;his favorite really be the princess charm school one 

like i said nomin is a package deal so expect jaemin to be taging along to yours and jeno’s weekly playdate

imagine you being the princess while jaemin pretended to be the prince and jeno was the dragon,,,yeah man it was so lit 

this isn’t a jeno fic btw keep in mind its still jaemin 

all of that stuff before was when the three of you were like kids

once highschool came around all three of you found ur niches: jeno was the student-athlete, jaemin was well that guy that was wanted by all the girls

and you were just a regular mundane student ya know,,,you weren’t extremely talented nor smart you just floated around 

u still hung around jeno tho but your friendship was really lowkey 

like both of y'all would wait until the other one was completely alone or do some ridiculous actions to deliver the simplest messages 

jeno would look both ways before slipping you a note in class that said “can your mom drive me home today?” and you would make sure no one was looking before nodding secretly 

or the two of you would hide behind bushes to say that y'all parents wanted to have dinner together tonight 

tbh yall could just text each other but where’s the fUN in that? 

jaemin, on the other hand, was someone you haven’t a solid conversation with since sophomore year bc of an incident 

basically, you had helped one of your friends into a relationship with jaemin that lasted for about two months,,, which was considerably a long time considering that it was jaemin.the two of them were a fat power couple 

ur friend, let’s call her ella, was probably one of the more popular girls at school. she was well-known for being the prettiest, kindest girl that everyone LOVES

anyways, things didn’t end so well bc he stood her up at hoco even though he was gonna be crowned homecoming king and her queen. 

no one knows why jaemin just ditched but he did. 

didn’t stick well with your friend tho cause she stopped talking to you as well not really giving you an explanation

and this led to everyone in your friend group to kinda put all the blame onto you 

this is also when jaemin picked up his heartbreaker reputation and began living up to that title

at first ur were hella mad and sad, but you got over it cause being outcasted and kicked out of that friend group led you to befriend the local stoner boi!haechan

honestly, you got over it but after ignoring and avoiding jaemin for a whole year it just stuck. 

yall never talked again 

here comes SENIOR YEARS BITS 

u were so done w school at this point, you had suffered and labored through junior year,,, SAT and ACT were the biggest bitches you ever faced in your lifetime and this is coming from someone who was friends with the resident shithead lee haechan 

so it’s lunchtime and you’re listening to haechan’s wild story about some shenanigan that he and his weed dealer/ older college friend mark had gotten up to the past weekend 

“so like we were just hitting a blunt this weekend in mark’s car and this cop pulls up next to us.mark rolls down the window and all of the smoke just hits the cops in the face” 

“you're a fucking idiot, haechan” 

“listen bitch, i’m not done” 

“so the cop is doing the regular illegal drugs bullshit and asked mark a question. understand at this point that mark is high as fuck so i kid you not the crackhead says quack. nothing else just quack. honestly, i still don’t know how we got out of that but we did and lee haechan is still in school.” 

you want to slap your friend with a big smh at this point 

but it so ridiculous and so haechan that you can’t say anything else 

and you don’t have too! bc someone taps ur shoulder pulling you out of your convo and boom it’s ella 

“hey, y/n” she starts out sweetly and you could feel haechan’s bitch face directed towards the girl, who seemed to just ignore the boy 

“what’s up, ella?” you were hella fucking slightly irritated and highkey suspicious bc like this was the first time that she talked to you in like two years

“this out of the blue, but you know how prom is coming up soon? we need extra hands on the planning community,” ella explained with a bright smile  “we need another person to work on making the centerpieces for each table, but we only have one person on that” 

“okay, so what does this have to do with her?” haechan’s bitchy tone soaked in each word 

ella’s smile faltered slightly at his words, but it was so subtle that only people with keen eyes could notice

“i hope that i’m not imposing anything on to you.” ella trying to reassure  “but Mr. Moon told me that you still need some community service hours for our graduation requirement so I just assumed that this would be a good opportunity for you.” 

oh shit 

you completely forgot about that and you still needed like another 10 hours to complete

“ummmm” 

“i wouldn’t ask you this but my workload is completely swamped” ella added “it would be a big help if you can help. haechan, you can help too!” 

haechan let out a loud gag that seemed to baffle her 

“oh hell no, i already got my community service hours done like freshmen year.” 

you gave haechan the most incredulous face you could make cause like this druggie who gets high every other week and vapes in the bathroom really finished his community service hours before you????how?? 

“don’t look at me like that.” haechan kicked you underneath the table “it was before i learned how to roll a blunt” 

“drugs aren’t good for you, haechan,” ella chided 

haechan made a mocking face,,you know the one he does like that one,,”not all of us can be little miss goodie-two-shoes like you” 

oKAy time to do some damage control before your shithead friend gets himself into more shit 

“i’ll do it. just text me the details.” 

“thank you so much y/n!” ella said before bouncing off 

“i hate her” haechan stated

“you hate everyone” 

CUE aFTerschool when you follow ella’s text to go to the art building where everyone was gathered 

the minute you walked in you realized that you should have just said no and done some other community service activity cause jaemin was present standing in the corner and other people who you once called your close friends that turned out to be fat snakes

now you gotta deal with them again (aww shit here we go again) 

ella is motioning you to come into the classroom which you obliged cause you figured that you possibly could survive w ur rbf on as you made your way to the other unoccupied corner

there was some whispering in the background but you ignored it cUASE like hyuk always says: “you just gotta get high and block out all the haters” 

well, he was right about the second half, not so much the first. 

“alright everyone! thank you so much for volunteering to help set up for our senior prom! we only have about three weeks so we have to get all of the decorations done as soon as possible!” ella said in a chirpy tone

a lot of people looked motived by the girl’s bubby short speech on how everyone needs to put in 100% of their effort. you zoned that out as you caught the sleeping figure at the teacher's desk 

“goddamn you mr.moon forcing me to be here” you grumbled in your head almost missing your assigned duty, 

“y/n!” your head snapped in the direction that your name was called 

you saw ella standing with jaemin and the sirens go off in your head 

FUCK THIS

you let out a loud sigh before trotting over to the two 

ella gave you a piece of paper that had the centerpieces’ picture on them along with a long list of decorations “all you guys have to do is make about 300. all the directions are on the sheet and the supplies are in the other room. it’s really simple, just have it done by next friday.” 

you nearly popped a blood vessel 

300 by next friday? today was wednesday so that meant you only had ten days to finish all 300 of them

so you and jaemin are walking to the classroom next door to get the supplies y’all needed,,, in your head, you were just cursing everything in existence for putting you into this position especially mr. moon 

“so how did she rope you into this?” you heard jaemin say from beside you as you both carried boxes out to the parking lot. 

you two came to the good conclusion to split the load so that he would do half and you would do half 

150 it’s not that bad 

15 a day

hell yeah

it was so strange and foreign talking to him since it’s been about two whole years.  

he had a nice voice tho ngl maybe that’s why he got out of that detention that one time 

“she somehow found out that i still needed to complete my community service hours before graduation” you murmured, praying that haechan remembered you telling him to wait for you after school 

he probably ditched you to get high or hang out with one girl he liked

all jaemin said was “oh” and the rest of the walk to the school’s parking lot was quiet 

the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife and the knife would break

“hey can i ask you a question?” jaemin asked when the two of you were about to go your separate ways 

you could see mark’s old beat-down car meaning that haechan, in fact, did ditch you but had the decency to call up mark to pick you up 

“yeah, go ahead” 

“how come you still talk to jeno, but not me?” 

i shit you not this was the quietest and deepest voice that you ever heard jaemin project 

you didn’t know how to reply so you looked down at the large box in your hand, mumbling some incoherent excuse

“can you repeat that?” 

“ i said, we don’t really have any other reasons to be friend's unlike me and jeno” 

“is that all?” jaemin asked, probably catching onto your bullshit

you were probably delusional but you could’ve sworn you heard some sadness in the tone he used

you nodded quickly trying to get to mark’s car hoping to avoid further conversation 

but boy was jaemin stubborn 

“that wasn’t a good explanation,y/n! ” jaemin called out after you. 

this time he sounded more lighthearted than before

you turn around to face jaemin who had a fatass smile on his face 

damn was he good looking smiling like that 

“give me a better reason tomorrow or else i’m taking you on a date!” his dazzling smile nearly blinding you as he made his way to his own car

inside your head little y/n is going whattheactualfuck? 

“what’s with that shook face?” mark ask as you climbed into the passenger seat 

“what the fuck?” you say 

“huh?”

you look at mark “what the ACTUAL fuck?” 

poor mark is like wtf is wrong with her,,,did haechan get her on some type of crack? 

that night while you were making the little centerpieces you were still going over what jaemin said 

you looked at the last centerpiece you finish making 

was he flirting with me? or was he serious?

he sounded sad when i said that tho? 

at the same, this was jaemin, a boy who is well-known for having flings left and right. 

he’s probably just flirting

until next day! jaemin pops up next to you as while you get your shit from your locker for your first class 

“did you come up with a good explanation yet? 

his sudden appearance startled you causing you to subconsciously let out a yelp 

“cute” he said, and you forced down the blush that was about to show 

“i thought i told you already?” causing jaemin to shake his head like a cute little puppy 

“i don’t accept it.i want a better one,” he said sounding like a spoiled toddler 

you gave him the “wtf do you mean look” and he was about to reply until you saw haechan walking through the school doors with a pair of sunglasses on which can only mean one thing

that little shit head came to school high again

you pushed passed jaemin and stormed towards haechan pulling him to some vacant hallway to lecture him

leaving jaemin standing there staring at your backs as the two of you left 

jaemin’s smile dropping significantly as he nearly glared over at the two of you leaving, specifically at the back of haechan’s head 

“dude, why do you look like you’re going to murder someone?” jeno asked as jaemin sat next to him at their lab station 

you weren’t in this chemistry class but haechan was,,,and it was his naptime

“how is y/n friends with him?” jaemin stared directly at a sleeping haechan 

jeno follows his line of sight, letting out a sigh once he notices it was haehcan

“she never really told me, but i assume it was because she stopped being friends with ella and that group” jeno said honestly. he raised an eyebrow in question at his bffl “why do you need to know” 

jaemin didn’t answer him, continuing to glaring at the sleeping male 

jeno rolled his eyes at his friend's antics 

but in a serious tone, he warns to his friend, “don’t pull your games with y/n.” 

except jaemin’s head wasn’t registering this warning,,he was solely focused on how lee fucking haechan the biggest stoner of NCT High managed to take a girl’s attention from him, na jaemin....it was simply ridiculous 

maybe he really was an attention seeker bc he made a beeline for your table during lunch instead of his regular one once he saw just how loud you were laughing at haechan’s joke 

“what’s so funny?” jaemin asked sliding into the seat next to you 

now both of you and our boy hyuk is like wtf 

immediately you’re on defense, “what are you doing here?” 

“you never gave me a good explanation!” jaemin pouted, giving you fat puppy eyes 

those aLMost worked 

“uhhhhhh” you try to find a good excuse but jaemin quickly cuts you off 

“it’s okay if you don’t have a good explanation,” jaemin reaches over and steals a fry from haechan’s tray eliciting a hissing sound from the boy “you just have to go on a date with me” 

then he winks 

and he's gone

“what in the holy fuck just happened?” 

the amount of time that y/n has said wtf is unbelievable 

haechan’s sunglasses slip down the bridge of nose and you could see his red eyes giving you a look of disappointment, “and you say i have issues” 

“stfu before i slit your throat” 

the rest of the day wasn’t any easier on you tbh. you learned that jaemin was really really stubborn and very very clingy 

the boy deadass scanned the whole hallway to find your face so he could tag along with you to your next class even though you could have sworn that his class was one the other side of the school 

he kept on bombarding you with questions on what you wanted to get after school and if you like roller skating 

by some means, you were able to hide in the library for the rest of the study hall period which meant that you could probably avoid jaemin until school ended 

you spotted a familiar boy huddled in the corner reading a book that made you squint your eyes. 

marching over to jeno, your eyes just say “explain” 

jeno looked at you with like those wide eyes he does when he’s shookth bc the two of you never interacting in school so puBlicly

“what the hell is na jaemin trying to pull?” you whispered-yelled plopping down in the wooden seat next to the athlete 

jeno is all like????wydm 

and you explain your whole situation to him and he just lets out the biggest sigh 

“he doesn’t like being left on read” 

“what do you mean?” 

“i mean, that’s what you basically did to him sophomore year. he was kinda depresso about how you just stopped talking to him out of nowhere. by the way, why did you do that?” 

tbh you really didn’t know at first you were mad at him

was it bc his actions caused all your friends to blame you for his inability to commit to a relationship,,, but it’s been two years since that incident

you got over it, so why were you still avoiding jaemin? 

“i dunno after him and ella broke up, i didn’t have a reason to talk to him.” 

jeno looked at you like “really? is that your answer?” 

“think about that question again because i’m sure that that's, not the whole answer.” 

now you’re more confused but also very mad about how both of them weren’t accepting your reason as valid! 

so as you were furiously making the stupid centerpieces that ella forced you into volunteering to do

angry y/n really got through a solid 50 of them 

you pondered on jeno’s words and you thought back to sophomore year 

you remembered still joking around lightheartedly w jaemin until he started dating ella 

he actually spent a lot of time and effort even ditching jeno sometimes for her which was okay cause jeno would chill w renjun or even you (mostly bc he could watch barbie movies w no shame) 

everything was alright until homecoming came around and jaemin flaked on ella leading them to breakup the next day 

and ella to stop talking to you which made everyone mad you or think that you were the one that caused the breakup 

WHICH YOU DIDN”T 

you were the one that hooked the two of them up too! so it was really unfair! 

it's like 2 am and you don’t know what came over to text jeno but you did 

y/n: why didn’t jaemin go to hoco sophomore year? 

you felt instant regret after sending that text bc like it probably made it seem like you were interested in jaemin,,,, which you were totally not!

seconds later jeno slaps you with the ”ask him yourself”  

fattest facepalm 

so that’s how you spent the entire night finishing all of your centerpieces that you were assigned to make cuz of your frustration

wow we love a productive y/n 

alrighty this is where shit goes down 

now that you were done with all of your centerpieces you took them to the art room the next day before school where ella was there doing her stoof 

she looked up with a giant smile when you came in with a giant box 

“you finished all of it?” 

“nah just 150. jaemins finishing the other half” you set the box down 

“oh okie,” ella nodded returning to whatever she was doing beforehand 

since it was just the two of you in the classroom and you’ve been dying to know the answer since sophomore year 

so fuck it 

“hey ella, can i ask you a question?” 

the said girl looked up with that same friendly smile that she gave everyone “of course!” 

“why didn’t jaemin show up to hoco sophomore year?” you blurted out 

in an instant, ella’s smile dropped and there was a sudden cold look in her eyes 

“you already know the answer to that, y/n, you don’t need me to answer you. now if you excuse me, i have things i have to do” ella said in a very unlike-ella-way 

her answer made you even more confused than ever bc how were you supposed to know the answer to THAT 

confused!y/n is even more confused 

however, all your questions were about to be answered, not really tho 

you’re on your way to the third period with the same burning question in your head: why the hell did jaemin not show up to sophomore year hoco??? someone help?  

tbh you didn’t even notice someone yanking you into the janitor’s closet until you were surrounded in darkness and someone's hands were clasp over your mouth 

“it’s me, jaemin” his soft whisper sent tings down your spine 

he let go of your mouth to switch on the light 

“are you fucking insane?” 

“yes, but it’s only cause i’m madly in love with you” 

you rolled your eyes “cut the bullshit, jaemin, what do you want?” 

“our date. you never gave me a solid explanation, so i want a date” 

you were about to reject him but then an idea formed in your head 

“fine” 

and with that one-word jaemin’s eyes glowed 10x brighter with his smile almost blinding you 

cheesy i know. 

“let’s go now!” 

the boy was really about to skip class just to go on this stupid date w you 

is he that bored? did he really run out of girls to date? 

but then again you really don’t want to go to math bc you’re pretty sure there's a test today that you haven’t studied for yet 

so that’s how you found yourself with jaemin at the local ice cream parlor 

jaemin INSISTED that y'all share a sundae, which he also fought you to pay for 

there a silence that falls upon you for a little bit 

jaemin breaks it though like he breaks heart (okay minnie that’s kinda mean) 

“ella told me that you finished your half of the centerpieces in two days. that’s pretty impressive,” he comments 

you nodded staring at the ice cream drowned in chocolate syrup 

“to be honest, i haven’t gotten much done yet,” he admitted, continuing to ramble on “it’ll get done. i might even pay renjun to do it, but i’m pretty sure he’s too preoccupied with this girl that he’s been pining over for a while” 

“speaking of which, are you seeing anyone right now?” jaemin asks out of nowhere. 

“lol i could be doing other things with my time.” 

jaemin observes your face closely taking in the faint blush on your cheeks from his direct gaze, “so what about that haechan dude?” 

“what about him?” 

“are the two of you a thing?” 

you nearly gagged 

“there no way in hell i’d ever get with haechan. besides, he’s having some of his own girl problems right now. he was being a little bitch about it too” 

“good” jaemin says really contently. 

“why didn’t you go to hoco sophomore year?” you finally asked

taken back slightly, jaemin softly smiles down at the half-eaten sundae

instead of answering you, he asked another question “why did you stop talking to me?” 

you gulp, but eventually, you had to tell him the truth even though it was kinda dumb and immature

“because ella was mad at me after the two of you broke up.” 

he shifted his gaze up to your own eyes 

“do you know why she was mad at you?” 

you shook your head

jaemin smiled again 

this time it kinda looked sad :( 

“because she knew that i was in love with you”  

[popculturebuffet]

Loud House: 11 Louds A Leapin Review or It’s My Bobby in a Box

Happy Holidays errybody! Christmas returns to this blog after a bit of a break to tie up some loose ends, and celebrate my birthday with a return to the loud house.  It’s honestly good to be back. While it can be a struggle to cover a pure comedy, I genuinely like the show a lot, even with it’s flaws i’ve gone into, and my regular reviews gave  me a running gag in my hatred of rusty and a new respect for the show. It’s just with a buiser schedule and me not actually trying to have something resembling order to things, I kept shoving Banned Together back despite really wanting to see it since.. you know.. Luna episode.. until it ended up sliding into ANOTHER set of episodes. It’s things like this why I have a queue now: while it’s not set day by day, in case I want to do more than one i na day, it is there to keeep some semblance of order and keep me on track so this dosen’t happen again.  So with all that being said.. why did I choose to do A DIFFRENT loud house episode for the second time in a row before getting back to the current season? Simple.. i’ve been putting this episode off personally for even LONGER. I meant to watch 12 louds a leapin back when it first came out at the start of season 2... and just never got around to it. And just kept never getting around to it, wanting to watch it at christmas but then forgetting to do so for the last 4 years. Spare a thought there.. 4 years. In that time 80 years have passed, an era of marvel movies have come to an end, a tick series has come and gone, She Ra has come and gone, ducktales premiered then annoucned it was ending.. my point is way too many shows are ending too soon, and i’ve let this slide for far too long. So I bumped this one up to finally take a look at it, as i’ve waited this long and didn’t want to risk missing it a fifth fucking time. So yeah i’m taking look at what’s probably a classic episode in the fandom with fresh eyes. Let’s see what I thought shall we? It’s Christmas Eve at the Loud House and Lincoln is once again Zach Morrising it up .

Not what I meant.. whatever that is. It’s been 30 years since that episode aired, probably a good 12 since I first saw it and I still have no idea why they did this or if it was giong to end in a three way before the girls showed up. We just don’t know and the greatest minds in the country are baffled.. and you know working on the vaccine and making sure it’s safe. 

No Linc is talking to the camera about it being christmas while gearing up to go sledding with his sled big red. Meanwhile the rest of the louds are doing their usual christmas activities which we get introduced to as Lincoln gets ready. The girls sub-plots here are, outside of Lori’s., less plots and more running gags, various shenanigans by the girls tying into their personalities and christmasy stuff. It works perfectly.. while it’s a bunch of gags.. the gags are funny and it’s neat to learn more about just how the girls celebrate christmas and what they get up to every year. It’s part of what’s to love about holiday specials as you get a once or twice in a series chance to see how our heroes celbrate the holiday and thus a look into stories, gags and character stuff very unique to the holiday. It also uses the fact LIncoln was the protaganist at the time very well, using him as our viewpoint to set up all the christmas goings on as he makes his way out of the house, so we can cut back to them later as his plot goes on. It’s really good stuff. So what are the girls up to? Let’s go down the list by age shall we?

Lori: Lori has the most involved plot anyway so it’s best to start here. Lori and Bobby are having their first christmas together... though it does bring up the fact that they’ve only been dating 2 years at most, yet plan to get married.. I mean that is a lot but your also 18. Then again time is nigh incomprehinsiable to unpack in the loud house, and at least 3 years passed in the one year it took to get them all aged up, so I wouldn’t think about it too hard.  Lori, still being in huge bitch mode as she was early on, pressures bobby to get a good gift. She later gets said gift but despite being told to open it immideitly, her siblings chide her on her habit of tearing presents open and thus get her not to open it. So that’s a runner through the special, with Lana even putting her on a leash at one point, which I found hilarious. Less hilaroius is the conclusion as it turns out in the box on christmas day.. is BOBBY, who understandably is not looking so good...

Thankfully bobby’s not dead or they all would be, but still the poor boy missed christmas eve with his mom  and sister for this stunt. I mean I get it’s his fault, he’s apparently LITERALLY too dumb to live it turns out and should’ve you know made a noise sooner and probably didn’t want to ruin the suprise.. but we still nearly got an episode where a 4 year old had surivviors guilt for letting her older sisters boyfriend suffocate in a box. That’s dead santa from gremlins levels of fucked up. Thankfully Lori loves it and I assume bobby’s worried family joined them for christmas eve. That image fills my heart with hope. But seriously bobby never again we can’t loose you. At least not before Sergio. 

Leni: Leni’s is very simple it’s just a running gag of her taking various christmas things, making them into outfits then saying shhhh to whoever’s around when she hears, or in later cases is right there, with the person asking. Just a funny bit.  Luna: Is working on a christmas song. It’s one of the weake runners as the failed songs just aren’t that funny, but the payoff for the main plot makes up for it. WE’ll get to that.  Luann: Has one of my faviorite bits, her 12 puns of christmas which is both really adorable and leads to an adorable moment with her dad. Always loved their relationship. 

Lynn and Lucy: Are teamed up this episode which makes me genuinely miss how the two would be used as a pair ocasionally earlier on but just .. arne’t anymore> The rest of the girls status as roomates is used liberally but not so much these two. IT’s just weird and disheartning to me. That being said their plot is simply the two digging around to find where the presents are hidden, which I never got as why would you want to know weeks ahead of time. You can’t use any money to buy the stuff you dind’t get or they’ll know and they usually figure out you knew ahead of time and it just brings thigns down. But from a kid’s perspective I guess I get it and while it’s weird to have Lucy be one of the ones following I like it, as it shows that benath her gothy demanor she’s still just an 8 year old girl excited for christmas, and that’s adorable. A decent enough runner. 

Lana: Gets  a good one: She keeps accidently catching people, and a passing car in one case though she has a jack to help, in her reindeer traps. Its not only funny but really adorable especially since she dosen’t care about trapping SANTA persay, she just wants her own pet reindeer and frankly who wouldn’t want a rideable woodland critter who can fly. Dammit now i want one too. 

Lola and Lisa: Lola gets a fairly standard one tha’ts still pretty damn funny; She wants to get offf the naughy list by playing good for a day. What makes it funny is that last part.. that instead of doing it over a few days like most of this plot she’s trying to cram it all into one day while also trying not to strangle Lisa, who keeps showing up to say santa’s route is impossiuble. As ducktales covered he slows down time.. also you know.. not every kid celebrates christmas so ther’es probably a good number of houses he dosen’t have to cover in one night.  Lily: Just randomly pops out of stockings a bit. it’s precioous as it sounds.  The Parents: It had honestly been so long both since i’d seen a season 1 episode, and since the two had been both given actual names and fleshed out considerably, that i’d forgotten Rita and Senior had their faces obscured for all of season 1. It’s REALLY weird and jarring to go back to after getting to know them as fully formed people of their own over the past 3 seasons, and especally gorowing to love Senior, as he’s a loveably goofy dad but without the incompetence of most comedy dads. He can bumble but he’s also genuinely supportive, talented and pulls his weight in his marriage and family.  We do however start to really see their fully formed , full member of the cast perosnalities here: Rita is clearly tired from the sheer amount of shit she has to juggle, but is also nice and warm and while Lynn Sr.’s goofiness was established already, here it’s tempered into his current shape and his love of cooking and through role as the family chef is established. While he was established as cook earlier he goes from someone who’d use frozen food just to get by to a master chef who probably does use a lot of frozen stuff but can make anything taste good and will eventually have his own restraunt. It’s really fascenating to see them slowly emerge. They don’t really have plots themslves, and Lynn’s only real gag is wanting everyone to try his figgy pudding. 

So with the rest of the family covered let’s get to our main plot. Lincoln is sledding.. on the slide out back.. for some reason. 

The reason is simple.. his sled ends up in the yard of Mr. Grouse, their neighbor and old man who yells at louds. Lincoln explains grouse keeps everything that ends up in his yard and has taken a lot from the Loud Kids over the years. So lincoln.. uses the slide to sled.. DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF HIS YARD. 

I’ve been wanting to use pigtail kim since I made that one recently. But her points stands. What?!. I mean Lincoln can be stupid, he’s  only 12 it’s allowed, but usually more out of not realizing what he’s getting into or using kid logic. He’s not this brain dead. That’s Leni’s job. It just feels like plot contrivance. Just have him build some sort of contraption as a makeshift hill and tell the audience he’s doing this because his family dosen’t want him going to an actual hill on christmas or is too busy to take him. There are easier ways than this half assed rube goldberg machine of a setup. So naturally his sled ends up in the yard.. and he calls on Clyde to help....

Now if you’ve been reading my reviews for a while, you know that reactoin is normally reserved exclusivley for this guy. 

But since Rusty was in his larval state with only a few apperances and hadn’t emeerged from his coocoon as the douche I know and love to take pot shots at, there was actually something WORSE. Something more obnoxious. And with far far worse implications. And that my friends was seasons 1 and 2 Clyde.  Clyde in the early seasons CAN be fine, and the self we know now. In fact I wish he interacted with the sisters more as the slumber party episode early on gave him a nice dynamic with all of them and the episode with him and leni was terrific. The problem one there was running gag with him, one character trait that utterly sucked the joy out of the room at best and made him into an unlikeable little shit at worst; HIs crush on Lori.  When she’s around at BEST he has a Master Roshi nosebleed, stammers her name and passes out, something that wasn’t funny the first time and quickly became grating the 80 other times they did it. But at worst, as he is here? He’s creepy, obessevie and worst of all. .a real dick to bobby. Who as we’ve established is...

So that was NEVER going to go over well and even ignoring that is still very bad. The little creep just constantly treats Bobby with hostility, which given this is Bobby, he dosen’t realize is going on. Any time their relationship is threantned Clyde’s main goal is to swoop in during the aftermath and win lori over. He constantly wants Bobby out of the way, The ONE TIME he dosen’t come off as a massive dick is when Lincoln thinks Bobby might be cheating, and that’s because Clyde isn’t planning on swooping into the wrecakge of someone’s relationship to get a girlfriend, but to punch the guy out for cheating on her. Bobby wasn’t and Clyde obviously isn’t capable of that, but it’s a bit more understandable and even CLYDE wants to make sure there’s evidence first. But more often than not he’s just under the assumptino Lori will be his despite the massive age gap, her having made it obvious she’s not intrested, and her being in  longterm relationship she’s really happy in with someone else. And this was season 1 lori who reacted to this, so the fact she’s not being the queen of all bitches about it only makes him look that much worse. And to add to that, Bobby not only KNOWS he has as crush on Lori but is suppportive of clyde, cheering him on when she kisses him once for doing something noble, and generally treating “Clydsdale” like he would any of Lori’s blood siblings. It was excurating then to sit through this every few episodes.. and it’s even worse now because the gag’s complete dissaperance from Season 3 onwards really paints the picture that this gag was entirely because series creator Chris Savino thought this was FUNNY and no one else did. And given he got fired for, you know, HARASSING WOMEN  AND NOT TAKING NO FOR AN ANSWER  you kinda see how an already bad bit was made worse. So yeah while the sled thing is bad this.. is objectively worse and drags the special down more. It’s thakfully not omniprescent but man is it hard to watch.  Clyde being in full dickhead mode is trying to get a kiss from lori and is using a missletoe hat for it.. And can we just agree that while Missletoe can be used well in stories, to help two shy people finally kiss or to ramp up romantic tension or what have you, that it’s often used by creepy douchebags to get kisses they don’t deserve both here and presumibly in irl before the plauge hit? We can? Good. But yeah that’s his plot, no suprise he gets one, bah hum bug. He also throws in some Bobby bashing by fantasising about him ending up in the yard and clyde ending up with lori since Grouse keeps bobby.. even though instead Lori would just ignore clyde, storm over there and rip an old man’s spine out mortal kombat style. 

So yeah Lincoln wants his sled back, but he can’t do it alone as the old man scares him, hence Clyde coming in. They make an elaborate plan using some careful blueprints. 

Their real plan is to have Clyde disract grouse while Lincoln grabs the sled but it fails and mean mr mustard finds it and takes it inside. Desperate, Lincoln prepares to do some crimes and head into his house. Clyde is afraid he’l end up in jail and never get to visit because only family can. Clyde you are family. Plus Prison visits aren’t limited to relatives only, any show with a character in jail storyline will tell you that. But Lincoln makes a valid point that Grouse stole his property.. I still dont’ think this is the right way to handle it and his parents should just go over and ask the loud, irate asshole to give the kids stuff back he stole to be a dick, but this is a kids show and again we wouldn’t have a plot but unlike last time my head dosen’t hurt from this. He’s desperate, he knows that probably wouldn’t work and again he’s 12. 12 year old logic is fine.  Naturally he ends up getting caught as Grouse didn’t leave for long, though having found a photo of Grouse with a sled as a kid, understandably fires back on him that he wasn’t always like this. Why he like this. He also has the much farier point that again, it’s his property and “My yard my rules” is about as much a legal rule as a note saying “I can do what I want, ron”. But Grouse understandably, hey he’s a dick but the boyd id be and e, makes him clean up and after Grouse fails to get the loud parents Lincoln, via a comination of a charming family photo and Grouse talking to his sister on the phone, finds out the real reason he acts like this: He misses his family and being on a fixed income can’t visit them often as he tells his sister he won’t be home for christmas to see his sprawling family. 

And while it doesen’t excuse his actions.. it does explain why Grouse is so bitter: you would be too if you had a massive family who clealry loved you and your on good terms with.. but through no fault of your own and presumibly despite working hard toa fford retirment you just.. can’t see them. Their there and you have the phone, but you don’t know how to work the internet and it’s just.. not the same as seeing them. Your just seperated from them and can’t be near them or hear their voices or get hugs. Which.. given the current pandemic i’m sure MANY of you can relate to that.. to being seperated from your loved ones and trapped, and especailly many people mr grouses age are facing that. While this special is good even without the context of seeing it this year it especailly resonates and i’m glad I waited this long simply beaause it came at just the right time. Grouse tells him to leave not planning on calling his parents.

So in christmas special fashion, Lincoln is touched byt his story, and feels bad for the old curmudgeon. Sure they don’t get along and the bastard broke his sled.. but again you’d be bitter too in his shoes. The guy has nothing and is alone.. and Grouse has done nothing to deserve that, even with his actions resulting from it. No one should be alone on christmas.  So Lincoln tells his sisters, all of whom rally around him, including Luna whose writer’s block is broken as she finally realizes... 

And not singing about that was holding her back. Luna has her song and Lincoln, as expected has a plan.  And we soon see that plan as Grouse gets a knock on the door.. and finds the Louds, parents included, and The McBrides all there singing him a christmas song. It’s pretty decent and the first time we really get to see Nikka Futterman sing and i’ts beautiful> Ther’ed be better, and worse luna songs to come but this is still pretty neat and sweet. THey came to offer him deocrations, dinner, company.. and a one way bus ticket to his family... presumibly the family will pay the other way or he can easier the day after christmas. Point is he’s touched, and genuinely and sincerly thanks them and invites them in, with Grouse’s actor John DiMaggio REALLY selling it hard. 

So our heroes gather for Christmas Eve all together, and under Grouse’s roof with Grouse giving the kids their stuff back having had a change of heart. Sure he misses his family.. but the Louds and Mc Brides have shown him he dosen’t have to shut everyone out as a result. And while Grouse apologizes tht his sled is gone.. Lincoln’s fine with it he got something better.  So the next morning we end on the kids opening presents, and Lori saving her boyfriend from axphisxiation, seriously between this and strife of the party i’m really starting to sour on lana. Regarldess Lucy finally belivies in santa both due to gifts nd seeing him last night, while Lincoln finds a sled from santa.. and then goes outside to see Mr Grouse off, recognizing he’s the one who played santa in  a really sweet and senitmental bit. The two part on good terms even if Lincoln breaks another window. Things have changed if not that much.  Final THoughts:  If it wasn’t obvious, I REALLY loved this one. While it has it’s flaws, and Chris Savino sucks dirty ass in thunderstorms obviously.. it’s still a really sweet, well constructed special and I really recommend checking it out. It’s on the nick app if you have cable and on CBS All Acess if you have that. Until next time merry christmas to all and to all a good day. 

And if ther’es an episode of the loud house you’d like me to review leave it in the comments or you can comission a review of it for five dollars. Just direct message me to work out the details or send an ask for my discord. 

[dual1pa]

USS Butterscotch (part 2)

read part one HERE. 

Warinings: language, not TOO smutty (PG-13 like) 

You looked at yourself in the mirror, judging the outfit that you picked out getting ready to go to the mall to meet up with Steve. You picked out a pair of high waisted black pants and a crop top with half your hair into a scrunchie. you stuffed some clothes and your books in your backpack and started walking back to the mall. 

You were grateful that the mall was walking distance from your home. You told your parents you were helping Beth out with some homework and would probably not be home till the morning (not that you were expecting to stay over Steve’s or anything. Just a precaution.) 

You arrived at 8:45pm, a little early but you didn’t want to be locked out. You made your way past the glowing Sam Goody entrance. There was only a couple more people in the mall and you’ve never seen it so empty. It was almost quiet. There was a group of girls giggling to themselves while sharing a basket of fries and an older couple with some bags in their hands walking toward the exit. 

You walked into Scoops to see Robin counting money while Steve took time to split the tip jar. 

“Looks like we get three dollars and sixty seven cents each. More than yesterday.” Steve said before noticing you. 

“Y/N! Glad you’re here.” Steve walked around giving you a small hug.

“Sorry, I think I’m a bit early.” 

He shook his head, “Right on time. Looks like we can leave a bit early since there’s no customers coming in.” 

“You guys can go, I’ll lock up once I’m finished counting. have fun you two.” Robin smiled.  

“Oh, thanks Robin. See you tomorrow night.” 

—  

Steve opened the door for you and slammed it shut after you were finished settling in. 

“Your car is nice. Very spacious.” You cringed, not really knowing why you would talk about the space in the car. 

He chuckled, “Thanks. I like when my passengers feel comfortable.” 

He pulled up to his house that was completely dark. 

“My parents are out of down for a couple days. Sorry I forgot to mention it earlier.” 

“Don’t worry about it. It’ll be quiet so we can get more reading done.” You winked. 

“That’s true.” 

He showed you up the stairs to his bedroom, “You’re okay if we read here?” 

“Steve, I don’t care where we are. I just wanna be with you.” You smiled.

“Well, you’re in luck, cause I’m not going anywhere.” he fell back onto his bed. 

You weren’t sure if you should make a move, but what do you have to lose? You joined him on the bed. You laid on top of his arm that was sprawled across the bed. 

“You look cute in this uniform.” You bit your lip, hoping that he was okay with you being kinda forward. 

“I do don’t I? It’s kinda itchy though.” He laughed. 

“Oh no! It looks comfy honestly.” You laughed. 

“You must come work with us then. Robin and I could use some help on the weekends.” 

You weren’t sure if he was serious or not, so you just went with it, “Hey, always looking for some other way to make money other than babysitting my neighbors kids.” You laughed, laying down on his arm. You wanted nothing more than to kiss him. 

“Can I tell you something?” Steve said, looking at you. 

“You can tell me anything.” You said.

“I really want to kiss you.” Steve looked at you, then moved his stare to your lips. He anxiously waited for your response, hoping that it’s positive. 

“Then do it.” You got closer to his face. 

He leaned in and pressed his lips to yours. They moved in sync with each other at a slow pace. You could tell he was hesitant with using his tongue so you pulled away. 

“I’ve wanted to do that for a while.” Steve confessed.

“Why didn’t you?” You asked.

He sighed, “Rejection mostly. Since that’s all I’ve been getting these days.” 

“I get it, I was nervous going into Scoops today. I really like you so I was like- ‘what if he rejects me.’ I would have been so embarrassed.” You said. 

“You’re too pretty to ever be rejected.” Steve lightly rubbed your hip. 

“YOU’RE too pretty to get rejected, Steve. I’ve literally had a crush on you since forever.” you said.

“Wait, really? So I should have asked you out sooner? Damn.” He rested his head back against his bed. 

“Well, now’s your chance.” You said, sitting up in a pretzel style. 

“Okay. Umm… gosh I hope I don’t fuck this up,” he took your hands, “Sweet, sweet Y/N, will you go on a date with me sometime, maybe this weekend? I only work till 5:00 on Saturday, we could go see Back To The Future?” 

“I would love that Steve Harrington.” You placed a quick kiss on his lips, which turned into a full makeout. 

Minutes later, he breaks away, “Do you wanna sleepover tonight? I have clothes and stuff you can wear.” 

“I’m gonna be honest- I actually brought clothes with me just in case you asked, but I would much rather wear your clothes.” 

“Oh well look at you!” 

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean anything of it because I didn’t know if you were into me so I just brought them just in case.” 

“I’m kidding, love.” 

“Do you mind if I get changed in here?”

“By all means, pajamas are in the bottom drawer.” He pointed over to the dresser on the opposite side of the room. 

You searched through the filled drawer and searched for a pair of pajama pants and a grey shirt. 

“I can look away if you-“ 

Before he finished his sentence, you top was already off, showing your baby pink bra. You quickly put on one of Steve’s gray school t-shirt. You slid off your shorts and put on a pair of cotton pants. 

Steve couldn’t help himself by taking a glance at you, however, he didn’t look for too long out of respect for your privacy and plus, he didn’t want to look like a creep. He ran his hand through his hair and got up himself to get out of his itchy work uniform. 

You heard a loud sigh as Steve took off his shirt, scratching his chest and most of his back. 

“Why don’t you just wear an undershirt if it’s too itchy.” 

“I never really thought about it, it really only starts to get uncomfortable at the end of the shift.” 

“Well, that’s a good thing I guess. Maybe try wearing one one day and see how it feels.” 

“I’ll take that into consideration.” Steve said, walking over to you in his boxers to find a t-shirt. 

You weren’t sure if you were taking things too quickly, you just saw each other half naked and haven’t even been out on a real date yet. 

Steve walked over to the bed and laid down, getting under the covers. 

“What are you doing?” you ask.

“Uhh, probably going to bed. I’m tired. Now, will you come in and join me?” he patted the mattress. 

“Uhh, we have homework to do.” 

Steve’s head hit the pillow, “Can’t we do that in the morning?” 

“Are you really gonna wanna wake up like an hour early?” 

Steve thought for a second, “Yeah, you’re probably right.” 

You laughed and shook your head, walking over to your backpack to pull out the book and threw it on the bed. “You know Mr. Miller is gonna have a pop quiz tomorrow.” 

“He’s an asshole and he always pulls that shit.” Steve said. 

“Shut up and read to me, Harrington.” you lay down next to him and close your eyes while he was reading, even though you already know what was gonna happen. 

“Hey, if I can’t sleep, you can’t either.” he nudged you. 

“I’m not sleeping. I’m simply resting my eyes.” 

“Okay well, resting your eyes isn’t allowed.” 

Your eyes were on Steve as he occasionally looked at you just in case you fell asleep, and to be honest, you were just about to. 

-- 

You woke up just before daylight. You looked over at the clock reading 5:30am. A sleeping Steve Harrington lays cuddled up next to you. The book still sitting next to him. You snuggled closer to Steve, careful not to wake him up. The dull light outside helped you make out his face. You wrapped your free arm around his waist and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips causing him to gently moan, but he was still fast asleep. 

You turned around and put one of his arms around you, bringing his hand up for you to use as a pillow, this caused Steve to wake up a little, 

“Morning.” he mumbled. 

“Good morning, Go back to sleep, it’s only 5:30.” you turned your head enough to kiss his nose. 

Moments later, he was out like a light and so were you. 

--

You two were rudely awakened at 6:30 by the ringing of the clock you swore you just looked at. 

Steve reached over you to turn the damn thing off.

“Sorry about that.” Steve groaned. 

“Well, we have to be woken up somehow.” you flipped over to face him. 

“I can’t wait until we fucking graduate.” Steve looked up at the ceiling.

“Only two more weeks till graduation. We can do it.” you leaned up to kiss his cheek. 

“Sorry I fell asleep on you last night. Did you finish the chapters?” 

“I did. Turns out that book isn’t that bad. But, do you need me to tell you what happened?”

“No. I already read it actually.” you admitted. 

“Then why did you say you didn’t?” 

“Because,” you sat up on your arm, tucking some hair behind his ear, “I wanted to hang out with you and thought you might want some company doing homework.” 

“You could have just said so, Y/N. Not that I’m mad or anything that a pretty girl wanted to study with me.” he leaned up to press a kiss on your lips.

“I don’t know. I just thought this would be the first step to a relationship. You know, if you were up to it it could have started out as a friendship then we could see where it went from there, but, now that you have already asked me out. We can skip that step.” 

Steve pulls you on top of him to bring you in for a passionate kiss, this time, using his tongue. His hands found their way up the inside of your (his) shirt you were wearing. They were warm and you loved the way he was lightly massaging your skin. 

Before you got too into it, you stopped. 

“C’mon, Harrington. Let’s get up and get ready for school.”

The weekend could not come fast enough. 

[jerzyreign]

Racism is Everyone’s Problem

Since my skin color is going to have everyone rolling their eyes thinking “this white privilege bitch think she knows anything about racism?” I want to start by saying I AM PUERTO RICAN. Now for my own back story so you get to know me better. 

I have seen both sides of the fence. As noted in my opening statement my skin color makes me look like I belong among the privileged. The second they learn of my last name or hear me speak my native language however, they quickly revoke all privilege and reign down on me with their hate. To the Caucasians out there who do not believe White Privilege is real: You’re wrong! If you were a minority who just happened to look white, like myself, you would be in a position to know this. 

Let me show you.

Age 15: Walking off high school grounds on lunch break to get food from the deli 3 blocks over. Common thing many of us did as it was permitted to leave school grounds for lunch. Myself, a white friend we’ll call Ashley, and a Hispanic friend we’ll call Jose. Police officer drives by and sees us walking during school hours and pulls over. He asks us our names. Ashley goes first and he tells her to stand to the side, I go and he looks at me with a moment of surprise and tells me to get my ID out. Jose goes last and he ask him if he’s ever been in trouble with the law. (Jose is very tan in complexion naturally and looks every bit of his South American heritage.) He makes Jose put his hands on the trunk of the car while he pats him down, gets his ID out for him, runs his information to confirm he’s never been in trouble, and dumps his entire bookbag out onto the ground to inspect its contents. He checks my ID, asks me where I’m from with a last name like __, and proceeds to do the same thing to me. Mind you it’s illegal for a male cop to pat down a female in my state, but he didn’t want anyone privy to his racial profiling so he didn’t call a female to the scene. He asks Ashley why she’s walking with us, if we were coercing her into any bad activities and sends her back to school walking. While we get escorted back in his car and handed off to the principal after confirming students had consent to leave the property for lunch and it was indeed our scheduled lunch break. 

Age 17: Working at Pizza Hut restaurant as a waitress. About 3 months in a friend stopped by to order take out and saw me working. Greeted me in Spanish and after he left I was confronted by the shift supervisor. When asked how I spoke Spanish so well since they literally failed it in school, and if there was a trick to it; I responded by informing him I was Spanish. Soon he and the rest of the crew were murmuring in the back kitchen, getting quiet when I came near, looking at me sideways and trying to avoid brushing against me at the soda machine like I had the plague or something. Next day I came in, looked at the clipboard to see what section I was working and saw my name crossed out. I asked him why ‘Karen’ was working the entire dining room alone and was told “Because you belong cleaning the bathrooms. Go find the cleaning closet and get scrubbing” I reported him to the Manager when she was on duty the next day and she said she’d talk to him, but any shift she was not in the building I was taunted by the staff and forced to work my shift scrubbing toilets. So I quit. 

Age 19: Working at a Giant’s supermarket as cashier. I worked my way up to Customer Service Supervisor and then the front end Assistant Manager is like 8 months. My third day as Asst Manager I walked out through the store to shop after my shift. In line at the register the person in front of me was Spanish and having trouble understanding what the cashier was telling her about a coupon she was trying to use. I step in and explain it to the customer in Spanish because it was getting late and I wanted to go the fuck home. The cashier gave me a shell shocked look and asked how I knew Spanish. I told her I was Spanish and got this ‘ew’ look that ended our conversation. My check out was awkwardly quiet for a person that had been friendly with me since my first day on the job. Next day I was demoted without explanation to cashier. My password for the cash room was deactivated and when I found someone to let me into the office so I could start work I was told “You don’t work in this dept anymore. You’re a cashier now. Go see _ and find out what register you’ll be at today”. When I asked why I was simply told “You should know. It only just happened yesterday” None of management was kind to me again, most supervisors looked at me with disdain as I passed, and finally after a week the produce manager told me it was because I was Spanish and they didnt realize that when they promoted me. He apologized for the fact he had to ignore me in the store but that anyone caught being nice to me would face consequences. Apparently they wanted me to quit. So I did. 

Age 26: I got a job at Kmart as a cashier. Worked my way up to Soft-line dept Shift Supervisor in 6 months. About 3 weeks later I started dating the Loss Prevention Manager from another store. He is an African American, Italian, German mix race man who solely looks African American. It took about 2 months for the relationship to get out around the job. It took my boss all of 5 seconds after confronting me for confirmation about the relationship to start treating me like shit. After a week I tried to go to HR and was informed that she is the daughter of a very high up corporate executive and by proxy untouchable. She made more than the store manager and basically ran the show there. After another few days I called her out in the front of the store one night at closing time asking what the stick up her ass with me was and she point blank said “I thought you were a good person. You work hard and you’re a natural leader to the girls here but you screwed up sleeping with a black man. Then I find out you’re a spic so it makes sense for you like blacks. I’m just disgusted with myself for being fooled by you” That was the end of that job. 

See white folks? Not once but FOUR times in my life things were good for me while people thought I was white, but quickly soured once the truth came to light. Four times I was excelling in my place of employment thanks to the privilege my skin color bestowed upon me but lost it once it was discovered I was just a really pale brown person. White privilege is real. 

I won’t bore you all with the blatant racism I’ve dealt with in my life. If you’re not Caucasian you already know the shit people spew out their hateful mouths, and what it’s like to deal with people throwing shit at you. 

I want to discuss the fact that racism is everyone’s problem. Those of us being subjected to it must stand up for ourselves against racist people because we’re human too dammit. We deserve to be treated with the same dignity, respect, and considerations that our oppressors grant each other. More importantly is the fact that those of us who are not subjected to it because they have the privilege of being born white should also stand up against racist people. Use the privilege you try so hard to deny for the greater good! BE THE CHANGE that fixes our society. Don’t just turn the other cheek figuring “I’m not the target so it’s not my problem”. Step up, speak up, and help your fellow man. We have to stand together or continue to fall divided. Just because you are not the one who thinks that way or acts that way does not make you part of the solution. Your silence and complacency in allowing racism to continue to thrive and exist is just as damaging as choosing to participate in it. Get outraged that your neighbor, friend, coworker, or just plain old fellow man is being mistreated and murdered for no reason other than their skin color is different. Teach your children to stand up and speak up against racism when they witness it. Teach them how to identify racism, racial profiling, and racial disparity. We have to fix this. Together. 

We are one species, one country, and one society. So lets stand as one. United in our right to life. 

March your ass down to your capital buildings alongside us and tell our leaders ENOUGH WITH RACISM. Hold police accountable! No more death! 

[floppy999]

My reading list (bkdk fanfics)

Here it is!  

All these fics were updated or finished on december. (Not particular order)

Swap it out ( Not Rated )

''Good morning, Deku.'' Katsuki said happily with a sweet smile.''Fuck off, Kacchan.'' Izuku responded in a bored tone, not even looking at the blond when he sat down in the seat in front of him.The whole class held their breath.''Holy shit.'' Koji finally said. In which Kaminari has an idea, Todoroki likes to spend his father's money and Izuku and Katsuki are up for the challenge. 

Off Limits (Explicit)

When his second rut hit, Katsuki was tempted to start reconsidering Izuku being off limits. It wouldn’t be too weird, right? It’s not like they were hanging out together on their off days. While screaming into a pillow in a fit of frustration instead of rubbing himself raw, it seemed like a great idea.Once his rut started tapering off, he threw away the idea again. -Then the third rut hit, and Katsuki was officially over this bullshit. 

Cross Off (Explicit)

“But are you two really friends?”

That sharp sting hit Izuku in the gut again, but as he opened his mouth to respond, Todoroki walked past him, heading towards the exit. The dual-haired teen cocked his head to the side as he shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Just think about it, Midoriya. We aren’t here to tell you what to do, but we do hope that you will take our concerns under consideration, and try to convince Aizawa-sensei that his decision is not right for you.” Iida removed his hands from Izuku’s shoulders, and followed suit with Todoroki, casting a brief nod in Izuku’s direction.

Hummingbird Heartbeat ( Explicit )

“The knife went through his fucking chest, Kirishima.” Katsuki spat his name into his face, mouth twisting into a vicious snarl, teeth and all. “You know that's where his heart is, right? And his fucking lungs? All the vital shit?” Kirishima blanched. “I-I know, I just meant—” “What, you mean to tell me that your stupid fuckin’ ass is so ignorant to forget that he lost a shit ton of blood, hah?! Yeah, it was a flippin’ knife wound, oh hoo-ray, but look at the nerd now! He’s fucking dying because of it!” 

In A Sky Of A Million Stars (Who Cares If One More Light Goes Out?)  ( Mature)

He could never forgive himself.It was his fault.He’d planted the idea like a seed he’d never known would grow. (Or: What if Izuku jumped?)(OR: The one where Izuku jumps and lives and Katsuki visits him every day and Class 1-A not-so-secretly finds it adorable that their designated angry pomeranian brings flowers to his comatose childhood friend.) 

Bad at Love ( Teen And Up Audiences )

Class 1-A is put to the test in one of U.A.'s classes and tests where they face a faux-villain they can't seem to win against. During the two-day fighting, Bakugou noticeably becomes more and more shaken by the faux-villain. Midoriya wants to help him and to become his good friend once again. Bakugou knows there is more than friendship in his own head but wants to keep Midoriya close, if only to keep him safe. But with jealousy, friendships, and their dreams on the line, they have to get even closer to help the other.

The Roads Between ( Mature )

In a world with disappearing quirks, Izuku, a government employee, and the recently captured Lord Explosion Murder are forced to team up in order to stop a coup of Japan by the League of Villains. More than just their lives are on the line and teamwork is the name of the game, but how can two people so seemily different from eachother ever hope to accomplish such a task? 

Crimson Concrete  ( Mature )

Bakugou Katsuki was pretty sure he had this vampire shit down to a tee. All he had to do was stay away from the sunlight, avoid churches and not have any attachments to humans? That was literally how Katsuki had lived his life up until now- it was the exact same, except, he supposed, with higher stakes (ha, get it?)“Hey dude, does this mean you can’t eat garlic bread anymore?”Oh.OH NO.

The Space Between (Mature)

Holding his expensive camera tightly between his hands, Midoriya Izuku looked up at the once-white letters displayed on the black storefront banner. “The Hard Luck Bar,” he murmured to himself, unsure if he was getting ready to enter or flee.

Amateur photographer Midoriya Izuku is stuck in a rut and desperate for a change of pace. Deep in his city's grimy underbelly, he finds exactly what he's looking for in the form of an underground punk sensation on the verge of their big break, fronted by a foul-mouthed firework of a human being. Loud, brash and passionate, Izuku may have just found the creative spark he needed, as well as something new to set his soul ablaze.

Cinnamon Bun Bun ( Explicit )

In a world with humanoid creatures called "pets", Katsuki Bakugou finds himself suddenly the owner of a timid curly haired rabbit. How the fuck did that happen? Will the reluctant new owner and abandoned pet be the best thing for each other or will it end in disaster? Only the tags will ever know.Warm and fuzzy fluff pet AU with hints of angst and humor! *This story is mostly about fluff. Warning and "past" tags for a backstory chapter(s) almost exclusively. Will warn at the beginning of ANY chapter with ANY sensitive issues.*

Stay with me, Midoriya  ( Mature )

An alternate "conclusion" of the battle when Midoriya saves Kota during the Summer Camp attack. Or, Midoriya is badly hurt and Bakugo is the only one who heard the scream for help. 

Restless ( Mature )

Second year at UA was essentially the same as the first, though everyone had fucking been developing and growing or some such asinine shit. And Katsuki was still reigning supreme. Things were fine up until shitty Deku had to derail everything with his fucking.....fucking. This year was gonna be hell for Katsuki. 

Swarm (Explicit)

General Izuku Midoriya, a rare omega cherry bee and Second in Command to Chief All Might's army, is left to run and defend Brambleberry Hive. he never expects a swarm of vicious hornets, led by alpha general Katsuki Bakugo, to ambush them and take over the hive. Bakugo takes his place as Chief Alpha, making Izuku his prisoner and slave. But Izuku refuses to let Bakugo control him and fights the alpha every chance he gets. He will have his revenge on Bakugo and regain control of Bramberry....

my ex-man brought his new boyfriend  ( Mature )

izuku's desperate to get a date after being persuaded (forced, more like) to go for a family reunion back in his hometown, in which he will most definitely see his ex, todoroki shouto, with a date of his own.in a last attempt to find someone, izuku asks for help and ends up getting bakugou katsuki.

The Hunting Party ( Explicit )

Izuku had gotten himself into many messes over the years. He’d once got stuck in the back of a restaurant after hours because he’d been too shy to ask someone to let him out of the staff bathroom he’d locked himself into.

Painting Flowers ( Teen And Up Audiences )

Where Bakugo Katsuki works at his parents' flower shop and Midoriya Izuku is a hot regular that simply comes to sketch flowers all day long.

BNHA: Hybrid A/O/B Works ( Works:6) (Explicit / mature)

You ever fantasize about Wolf Bakugou chasing down a sweet rabbit? Or the wacky shenanigans of trying to figure out his pet's heat problems? This is the series for you, mate, and I'm always happy to provide your dosage of pure nsfw. (With too much plot)

Say you love me ( Mature )

Izuku is going through his very first break up and suffering the whiplash affects of it. He discovers he’s got a new neighbor and his name is Katsuki. They’re not the best of neighbors in the beginning but by the end of the story they will be. But basically Izuku and Katsiki end up falling in love but don’t necessarily know that they both feel the same way about one another because they’re both very slow in the feelings department when it comes to other people. But with the help of Bakugous best and only friend, Eijiro, and a lot of prolonged effort shit happens.

Lovebites ( Explicit )

Katsuki Bakugou was going to hate this summer.He thought he'd hate it because he was being forced to leave home and work for his mother's friend in a small, seaside town. He thought he'd hate it cause he was being punished for burning his room to a crisp. He thought he'd hate it because he hated change.But it turns out, he hated the Supernatural Turfwar between four species that shouldn't exist but do a whole lot more....Or The one where Katsuki is forced to move in with Inko for the summer and finds himself falling for a particular bloodsucker....

Album Title in Progress ( Explicit )

Izuku's singing makes Katsuki realize sex is Real™ and uses those feelings to make a bomb-ass(lol get it? cuz his quirk is...) album while also helping a self-doubting Izuku realize how fire his mixtape is.

A Chaotic Reunion ( Teen And Up Audiences )

Even as a villain, Izuku Midoriya's admiration for Bakugo Katsuki never faltered, even when his admiration for all the heroes in the world did. After leaving his home to join the league, Bakugo Katsuki remains his one true reason to keep going on in such a pointless life. He never expected to meet him again, especially not in this kind of situation.

The Hardships of love ( Explicit )

Katsuki has always known just exactly what he wants, that just so happens to involve a certain green-eyed boy. How will he cope when what is his suddenly goes away, only to return years later? A/O/B universe, Alpha Katsuki, Omega Izuku,

Soul Bonded ( Explicit )

Izuku Midoriya had always been told he was a beta. So why did he find himself sneaking into Kacchan's room and taking old shirts? Why did his sweaty gym clothes smell so good all of a sudden? A story in which Bakugou and Midoriya are definitely not mates, no matter what Recovery Girl and Midnight say. And they definitely, DEFINITELY don't have feelings. Nope.

Iridescent ( Mature )

After Katsuki learned Izuku’s secret about One For All, he said that things would be different from now on. The two of them learn how to stand on equal grounds and be proper rivals, and that gradually leads them to evolve into something more – or, rather, they start to realize what was there all along. Because what’s left after all the bitterness and misunderstandings are gone? Positive feelings. By the time they reach their third year, they can’t go a day without seeing each other. Eventually, they start pining over one another. Katsuki secretly works through his insecurities in order to accept his feelings for his childhood friend, but it goes haywire once he realizes that he doesn’t know how to apologize for the wrongs he has done.

Stygian Fire ( Mature )

Izuku's Quirk manifest at the tender age of five. It's strange that he would have a fire Quirk given what his mother's Quirk is, but he chalks it up to genetics on his father's side. A week later, there's a (familiar) stranger in the kitchen, and everything changes.

i packed up everything except those memories ( General Audiences )

For a long moment, they all stare at him, wide-eyed and shocked.And then Bakugou laughs and leans forward to press his mouth to Midoriya’s. “I fucking love you, ya damn nerd.”Midoriya reddens, but kisses back enthusiastically, and his lips curve into a dazed smile when Bakugou pulls away. (or, Bakugou works at a bar and Midoriya is the nerd that keeps him company.)

The Art of Indifference ( Not Rated )

Bakugou is used to being the center of attention- be it anger, confussion, or fear (mostly fear) everyone always gives him a reaction.Until all the sudden, Deku doesn't.  What a fucking asshole.

Wild Child ( Explicit )

Imagine Tarzan, but KatsuDeku,with wolves instead of gorillas,and with a lot more smut.

The Kiss ( Teen And Up Audiences )

Katsuki has feelings but refuses to admit it; Izuku has feelings but refuses to act on them. And just when they finally begin to understand each other, that fucks everything up. Or: What if Katsuki kissed Izuku at the end of their fight?

Full Disclosure ( Explicit )

Izuku had never wanted to protect anything as much as he wanted to protect the fire between them, even as it caught fire and consumed him. He'd gladly go up in flames if it meant getting to see Kacchan like this. Or The alternate outcome of the battle at Ground Beta and the relationship that changed because of it.

When lust prevails  ( Explicit )

Bakugou and Midoriya got into a heated argument which led to heated interactions; main pairing BakuDeku, side pairing KiriKamiEpilogue update featuring jealous Bakugou, confused Midoriya, pragmatic Todoroki, and class 1a eavesdropping the drama :DThis story is officially completed :)

Sheep in wolves clothing ( Mature )

Don’t go into the woods at night. It’s a self explanatory warning but apparently not even passing near them in a vehicle is 100% safe. Especially not when all the news stations are warning of an unknown threat. Unluckily for Izuku it’s the only route home

You Found Me Flinching In The Dark ( Mature )

Or, Izuku remained quirkless, he became a hollow depressed kid that lives his last few years of high school in a mental ward. (Updates once a month)

Go to Bed, Dumbass ( Mature )

"What the fuck are you doing here at two in the morning?" The blond male asked in a voice that was closer to a growl as he curled the weight he was holding."I could ask you the same question," Izuku replied with a small smile as he headed for the bench press.

Never Easy ( Mature )

Bakugou and Midoriya have known each other forever but as the years drug on their relationship became complicated and the boys found themselves barely knowing each other. Things seem dim on them ever really being friends again but when Midoriya is caught in an awkward situation by Bakugou, things start to change, and both males seem skeptical about getting their hopes up. This does not start out Mature, but will have Mature parts. I will warn you and you can skip them if you like.

Grief Counseling ( explicit)

A slowburn fic where Kacchan tries to convince Deku to take advantage of the grief counseling provided for free to heroes experiencing their first failed rescues. Lots of flirting. Healing their relationship comes first. The romantic bit where they fall helplessly and stupidly in love comes after.

"Streetcar Named Desire" ( Explicit )

If yesterday someone told Izuku that he, one of the most diligent students with the top academic ranking, would end up in Principal Aizawa’s office today, he wouldn’t have believed them. But lots things could change overnight. So here he was, slouching in the creaking chair in the reception in front of the principal’s office. [the story about how Deku and Kacchan ended up taking part in a school's play and went through high school shit and ended up in love]

Unseemly Beasts ( Teen And Up Audiences )

Dragons. Destructive beasts tearing through everything in their path and deadly to anyone who opposes them. Midoriya has never seen a dragon, never planned to, but now he needs the help of one. He just... didn't want to kill one. Not if he could help it.

Rivals with Benefits ( Explicit )

When Izuku gets drunk at a Class 1A Halloween party he accidentally outs himself. Then to make matters worse he confesses to Katsuki that he wants to be a little more than rivals.

2,645 Miles ( Explicit )

Izuku wants so badly to get to the other side of the country without his parents realizing he's missing. He just wants to find out who he is.Katsuki is desperate to make it to Los Angeles without being caught by the police, desperate to fix his mistakes.Neither know what to expect, but on a roadtrip across the U.S. involving four fugitives, two oblivious runaways, a high risk crime ring, and a police taskforce, the two will discover that there's more in store for them than what they originally thought.

Dragon's Mark ( Mature )

Katsuki Bakugou has been living on his own for many years, accompanied by a very annoying red dragon named Kirishima. They are the last of their kind, unknown to humans. At least, that was how it used to be until a shy boy by the name of Izuku Midoriya enters the picture.

Breaking Point ( Mature )

“Some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.” 

[wisebrokenwallflower]

bangtan fic rec

I can be kind of particular when it comes to what I’ll read and I hold a special appreciation for well-written fics with good plot and dynamic characters. I’ve started to accumulate a fair number of fics in my bookmarks, so I think it’s time I start sharing some gems with whoever cares. I highly recommend all of these since I think they are all beautiful in their own unique ways, but I will list the ships. I know certain things can be triggering to some people, so please read the fic tags in case.

the italics are my thoughts, the normal text is the official summary, bolded fics are the ones that had significant impacts on me and or I feel discuss something really important

(this may or may not kind of be an open love letter to all the authors on here lol)

same damn hunger by marienadine [Yoonseok]

When it comes to fucking around with his best friend, Yoongi follows two rules:

1. They must be inebriated.

2. They must not kiss.

okay this fic is heartbreaking? it’s really smutty, but it’s also super poetic and angsty. it’s just really good, I’ve read it a ton of times : ))

Let’s Not Hurt Anymore by exfatamorgana [Namjin]

They don’t talk about it, and usually no one thinks to ask. But if you did, Namjoon and Seokjin would tell. They aren’t keeping secrets, and if you asked them, they’d answer. It just so happens that on a Sunday, not much different from any other Sunday, the other boys think to ask.

So how do two people who are always together end up… together?

two things: 1) this fic is part of a larger series, but I have not read the other parts 2) you do need an ao3 account to read this fic.

besides that, this fic is so beautiful and holds an extra special place in my heart. this fic isn’t really about Jin and Namjoon, it’s more about everything else surrounding their romantic relationship; their friendship, their internal struggles, the other impactful people in their lives. it’s about their personal journeys, but the fic is also a platform to discuss some really important issues in a very thoughtful way. I’m not sure how to explain it well, but even though this fic is really sad at times, the parts that made me cry were the hopeful ones, the parts that made me feel like everything was going to be okay.

I Don't Regret a Thing by  HeavenlyHell [Yoonseok]

Hoseok is a host working in a shadier part of town, living in a small apartment complex just away from the main and busy buzz of the big city. All he really was planning to do was get some gross food and continue his gross life, but he also manages to spot a very gross (and bloody, which is gross) body on the ground. Except, the body is alive, and upon closer inspection, isn't as gross as it seems.

this fic is actually kind of funny and cute. if you want something lighter (especially compared to the previous two) this is a good option. also I want Yoongi’s hair.

Creating a Home by CheekyBrunette [Namjin]

(I didn’t put an official summary for this one because it’s actually a series)

Foster Care AU- it’s literally the softest, cutest, sweetest thing you will ever read oh my god I love kid fics so much they’re so cute. this one actually deals with some heavy stuff since it’s the foster care system, and so there’s tough situations that put them in the system, but many of the kids also find new difficulties once they’re in the system. but seriously, nothing will make your heart suffer more than little kid bangtan. btw, Namjin are the parents. IT’S SO FLUFFY. like, even when Jin is losing his mind and it feels like shit is falling apart, it is immediately fluffy after.

On Patrol by  Ragi [Jikook/Yoonseok/Namjin]

Officer Jeon has his eyes on Mr. Adorable.

Officer Min has a strange neighbor he can't seem to keep out of his life.

Captain Kim finds comfort in his son's homeroom teacher.

Well, cops need some loving too, right?

that’s the summary for part 1, but it’s actually a two-part series. the summary makes it sound super fluffy, but there’s actually a fair amount of violence and angst. it’s all happy in the end though, don’t worry. (I basically only read fics with happy endings) also, kid Tae is so cuteee.

i've been drinking, i've been drinking by decompositionbooks [Jikook]

Jungkook tries to figure Jimin out with Yoongi's trademarked "What Your Drink Says About You" alcohol psychoanalysis.

All he knows is that Jimin likes fruity little drinks.

this one is really cute and a little sad. the best part of this fic for me was the fact that it really improved my knowledge of drinks lol

doubt thou the stars are fire by iwillalwaysbelieve [Jikook/Yoonseok]

Jeon Jeongguk's got a Reputation™. Park Jimin learns how to not give a shit about it. 

this one is really short but really cute : )

White Chalk by g_odalisque13 [Taegi]

Yoongi had been aware of the shadow for as long as he could remember.

Sometimes he went months without feeling like it was just a few steps behind him or waiting around the next corner. But no matter how long he was able to avoid it, it always came back. Always.

It's 1993, and Yoongi is a music major starting his sophomore year in college. A bunch of stupid dares from his friends aren't supposed to turn his world upside down. Then again, maybe it's not the dares. Maybe it's just Taehyung.

I don’t know how to effectively describe how much I love this fic, but I love this fic so damn much. it’s just so well written and funny and genuine and it’s really honest and nice and it makes me happy

tie the knot by jivenchys (bareJinerals) [Jikook]

Either stay married to an arrogantly conceited billionaire for one year and get a million dollars in return, or drown in his father’s debt with the risk of ending up on the streets. Signing the prenup suddenly seems harder than it looks.

mate let me tell you, this is the slowest fucking slowburn you will ever read in the history or slowburn. every other fic on this list is complete except for this one, but even though this one is still in progress, it’s so fucking good that it’s definitely worth the wait. I have not felt excitement equivalent to that when I saw that this fic was updated recently. even though it’s still in progress, this is one of my all time favorites

hey, you never walk alone by deuxoiseaux [Yoonseok]

"Are you stalking me, or something?" Hoseok demands, more than loud enough for his voice to carry to the roof of the two-story building overhead. "This is seriously the fourth time I've seen you today alone! What is your deal? Why are you always everywhere I go lately?"

The man in the red and blue suit peeks down at Hoseok from the rooftop ledge. "...I thought I was being stealthy," he answers, and Hoseok can hear the pout in his voice even with his face hidden behind that mask. It's kind of endearing, even if it's still annoying.

(or: the spiderman au nobody asked for but exists now, i guess)

this is so cute! it’s a really short fic, but I love the characterizations a lot : )

a sugar coated pill and a pick me up by whomstisthis [Namjin]

As Namjoon stood slightly removed from the scene, bemusedly watching the six-year-olds swarm around his cooler (which he had borrowed from his mom), he didn’t even notice that someone had sidled up next to him until he heard the tiny, but undoubtedly exasperated, huff.

He followed the sound, turning his head to the right. A guy was standing there, arms crossed, lips pursed. He let out another huff, louder this time, but only slightly.

Namjoon refused to acknowledge him. What the fuck was this guy’s deal? Was he really that bitter that his six-year-old just lost a soccer game for six-year-olds?

One more huff from the guy.

He was beginning to think this guy’s lips were just perpetually pursed and would simply never, ever unpurse themselves, when he, the guy, finally unpursed his lips to speak.

“I just think it’s pretty irresponsible to bring Gatorade to a soccer game for first graders,” he said, huffily, “No offense.”

(or: namjin are soccer dads who fall in luv)

kid!tae and kid!kook are friends and it’s really cute and also I love Jin and Joon’s banter. also, this is explicitly set in new york, which makes for an interesting cultural cross. (and completely unrelated, this fic taught me about Richard Siken, who is a heart wrenching poet)

Of Lace Panties and Accidental Magic by jonghyunslisterine [Jikook]

In which a meddlesome teenage witch makes a considerable mistake mixing her potions.

(Or; Jungkook can't lie, Jimin's not looking like himself, and everyone knows Jungkook's in love with Jimin - except Jimin.)

this one of the few cisgirl!bangtan fics that I like (even though Jimin’s not technically a girl). often the whole “bangtan as girls au” thing feels kind of forced, but here Jimin’s gender thing is actually constructive to the fic rather than distracting. it’s really cute and jikook are a whole mess but it’s fine

hounds of love by fitzgarbage [Namjin]

Seokjin hasn't been back in a long time.

it’s kind of melancholy but it’s really well written. the last tag is “some characters are sad”. yeah. a large part of this fic is about growth and self discovery and I think that’s really why I like it.

girls just want to have fun by fitzgarbage [Yoonseok/Vmin/Namjin/Jinkook]

“Namjoon told me you’d probably be haunting a corner. I didn’t know what he meant, but I think I get it now.” He’s breathing hard. “I knew you right away. You look really good, by the way.”

transgender, intersex, and nb characters. I have a lot of things to say about this fic but my brain isn’t really working right now so I may end up having to make a separate post. I just have a lot of things to say about this fic. there are some fics that aren’t just enjoyable to read, they’re also important to read. that’s this. fair warning, you’re going to want to wrap everyone in blankets and protect them from the world forever after you’re done reading this.

Internecine by jawsbar (GryfoTheGreat) [Yoonseok]

Everyone gets a soulmate. You don't get a choice in the matter. Fate decides who you love, whether you like it or not, and to her credit, she usually gets it right.

This time, Fate fucks up. Like, majorly.

(Or: Failed idol Jung Hoseok is bonded to the very person who destroyed his dream.)

HOLY SHIT. SO FUCKING GOOD. READ THIS. JUST DO IT. I DON’T CARE IF IT TAKES YOU A WEEK. JUST DO IT. there’s a lot of real issues within the industry that the author talks about and it’s things that you might already know about and things that you may not know about. it’s really informative and beautiful and amazing and just go read it. (also the author is a sweetheart, super nice person : ))

harvest moon, recall your youth by blackranger (robpatFF)[Taegi/Namseok/Jikookjin]

“How drunk was I?” Yoongi asks. “Did I seriously tell you my whole life story before we hooked up?”

“No,” Taehyung giggles. “Silly Min Yoongi. You told me your life story before we got married. Then we fucked. Like a honeymoon, you know?”

Or, Yoongi and Taehyung get drunk married in Las Vegas.

the taegi is really sweet and the namseok is nice too

the waiting game by bonnia [Jikook]

It’s a waiting game. Jimin knows that Jungkook doesn’t have to come back, but with every little touch, every time Jungkook does, and every time Jungkook lies down right next to him, pressed up close, torturously warm and smelling like cigarette smoke and cologne, Jimin can’t help but feel like he could — would — wait years just for Jungkook to come back to him again.

(Or: In which Jimin is a prostitute and Jungkook is his favourite customer.)

it’s really sad and then it’s really sweet. Kookie is a sweetheart and Jimin needs a hug

boy, you got my heartbeat runnin' away by 777335

Summer before his third year, Hoseok says he wants to move out of the dorms and Yoongi replies easily, “My lease is almost up, wanna get a place together?”

Hoseok can’t speak for a second, just wants.

“Seok?” Yoongi says, pushing his glasses up with the heel of his hand, tongue poking into his cheek nervously. “We don’t— we don’t have to, never mind.”

“No,” Hoseok says, taking the half step to their table, sliding Yoongi’s beer toward him, settling on his stool with his caipirinha. He chews on the straw. “No, no,” he can feel the smile breaking across his face, “that sounds great, that sounds really nice. Holy shit, yeah, let’s do it.”

“Yeah?” A shy smile touches the corners of Yoongi’s mouth. “Yeah? Okay. We could get a couch for Holly.”

//

or hoseok and yoongi meet on the internet, become friends, both end up in seoul, become better friends, move in together, and then eat some pancakes. oh, also they make out.

it’s really cute! they’re so sweet and they actually communicate and it’s nice and they kind of remind me of my relationship with someone very close to me ; )

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I have some more recs, but I wanted to post these so that this didn’t sit in my drafts forever lol. happy reading! dm me if you love any of these a lot and we can gush together : )))

[ksbwnotes]

Chapter 8, Part 1

Ohhhhh my god, I’ve been dreading this chapter...and I still have yet to skim next chapter because I know it’ll be just as bad as this chapter...(yes, Bum losing his sanity is so much easier to read than Sangwoo and Bum being ‘cute’ together...so so much easier...)

1. The fact that baby boy fkkn calls out to him

...*squints* Bum please. please just. Close the goddamn door and lock it??  Instead of...calling out to Sangwoo and making it worse?  I kinda wonder if Bum is just thinking that, since this will be the last time he’ll see the outside, he’ll try to stay there for as long as possible, even if it means giving Sangwoo a goddamn opening to come inside, lock the door, and beat his ass. 

Actually, now that I look at this again, does...Bum feel guilty???  Seeing Sangwoo there and being reminded of what he was leaving behind--the good and bad--made him want to appeal to Sangwoo at first, because again, he doesn’t want to leave the guy. He just doesn’t want the guy to kill him, and just as how Sangwoo doesn’t trust Bum to stay, Bum doesn’t trust Sangwoo to NOT kill him. Which. Valid. You have only yourself to blame, you crazy ass murderer.

Also, maybe...Bum feels...glad, in a way, that Sangwoo is there. Because in some twisted reasoning, Sangwoo waited for an hour outside because he didn’t want Bum to leave him. So that might also explain another reason why Bum went the sexual route when appealing to Sangwoo. He does--somewhere amongst the mess of his thoughts that he can barely make sense of internally, which contributes to him hallucinating them externally--get that Sangwoo wants...someone to stay with him. To fill that hole that his mother fucking stabbed through his chest. 

Bum can’t really fulfill that emotionally, even if he truly did want to. One, because Sangwoo seriously does his best to set off all survival instincts in Bum. Two, Bum is not healthy enough to love another in a healthy way (which is why he ends up making Sangwoo’s trauma worse as well). So, he does the next best thing: give sexual love.

2. Sangwoo being butthurt over this hurts my head lol

I mean, I get it, how the hell can Sangwoo trust Bum when their relationship started off the way it did. Literally, if he lets his guard down and let Bum even speak wrong in public, he’s fucking screwed. 

So really, it actually does say a lot about how much he wants love from anyone who could give it to him. He is risking a looooot with keeping Bum alive. But Bum is the only one who gives him something other than fear and repulsion, to a point that Sangwoo has a painful, dreadful hope welling up inside him that Bum can love him even despite the monster he has become. 

Which...I’ll get into more once we get to the whole bit where he makes Bum kill Jieun. But that’s why, this moment to Sangwoo is equal to...well, Bum kissing another woman in front of him, maybe. But the thing is, if Bum plays his cards right, he’ll forgive Bum because he has to if he wants to cling onto his last chance to not die alone--which would be equal to dying a painful death.

So, yeah, even though Bum is clearly just as broken as him but in an entirely different way...Bum is his only option. In a way, whenever he’s insulting the women he kills, it’s actually bitter praise for them being saner and untainted by murder. Because, if the truth behind Sangwoo’s father’s murder is Option B, then his descent into sociopathy is more a response into coping with how much he hates himself and what he has done. 

So in a way, whenever he praises Bum, he’s putting Bum on the same level as him and that’s...that’s not a good thing.

Hmn, also, just realized that whenever Sangwoo says “Don’t cross the line”, it’s his fucked up way of saying “Don’t leave me”.

3. Oh no the disappointment

*Flinches* Bitch I’m scared.  Seriously, how the hell can Bum beg to Sangwoo at this point?   Maybe Bum is doing this because he knows, it some way, running away will make things worse for him. He gets, on some level, that Sangwoo is keeping him alive only so that he can stay by Sangwoo’s side. So that he doesn’t have to be alone. 

And if uncle is anything to go by, then men can be taken by his body because it’s fragile and feminine. So he can see why Sangwoo is settling for him. The fact that he’s even alive shows that Bum’s methods are working on Sangwoo (which messed up Bum even more because his methods are all based off him pleading for survival and forces him to do things he truly does not want to do).

If he’s going to survive at all--and so that, on a lesser and very messed up level, he can stay with Sangwoo--he has to plead to Sangwoo.

BUT ALSO. ANOTHER THING.

Sangwoo.  Did he hear the door open from the very beginning? If Bum had not called out to Sangwoo, would Bum have been able to go back inside and act like nothing happened?  I feel like one reason why Sangwoo wasn’t reacting immediately was because Bum called out to him. Bum wasn’t screaming for help right away. It was both confusing and allaying to Sangwoo, making him feel more hurt than rage...like, at that moment.

Also, I feel like the slowness of it all was Sangwoo’s bitterness at Bum’s ‘betrayal’, wishing that it wasn’t happening, but knowing he has to face reality.

4. Oooooh interesting parallel

So, just like how Bum struggles to differentiate between the ‘I WILL BEAT YOU TO DEATH’ Sangwoo and the ‘HERE YOU GO CUTIE’ Sangwoo, Sangwoo struggles to differentiate between the ‘I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU’ Bum and the ‘I NEED TO GO HOME LEAVE ME ALONE MOTHERFUCKER’ Bum. 

And, in a way, both realities of themselves are true. One side (the ‘here you go cutie’ and ‘i will do anything for you’) are the instinctual parts of themselves that want to love and be loved in return (lol, just realized that Sangwoo represents the ‘to love’ part and Bum represents the ‘be loved’ part). 

However, the other side (the ‘I will beat you’ and ‘I need to go home’) are the instinctual parts of themselves that simply want to survive. In Sangwoo’s method, by making sure he’ll never be inferior or weak. In Bum’s method, by escaping and seeking any little safety he can get.

5. A trigger for Bum...and random comment from Sangwoo for some reason?

I remember reading how Sangwoo said that the force of the rain will keep any neighbors from hearing Bum’s cries, so I wonder if this is a subtle warning to Bum. Maybe also a taunt to Bum that he won’t be able to feel the rain. I dunno, Sangwoo focuses on the weirdest fkkn things, like whatever happening before him is so bothersome and annoying that the mundanity of his surroundings are more interesting.

As for Bum, all he had eyes for was Sangwoo at first. Because Sangwoo became his priority. But the thing is, there’s a reason why his ‘priority’ changed from being with Sangwoo to escaping Sangwoo--and that rain is a reminder of it. And the need to be in the outside world, to survive, to be free, was the basic instinct that overpowered his niggling desire to be with kind!Sangwoo. Especially since kind!Sangwoo is not always there and, at worst, seems like an illusion that can break apart and stab him at any time.

I think he also feels resentful that Sangwoo is regularly going out, leaving him behind, living his life, and this was Bum’s first time (most likely in weeks) being able to even see rain. 

There’s this layer of pain and betrayal for Bum, probably, because Sangwoo is out there living his life. He’s flirting with other girls, maybe sleeping with them outside of their home, and just leaving Bum at home like a dirty little secret. So that’s also probably why, when he saw Sangwoo outside waiting for him, his first instinct was to sit there, let the door remain open, and call out to Sangwoo. Because Sangwoo...was waiting for him. To Sangwoo, he was important enough to sit outside for an entire hour just looking at the rain and listening to music.

6. Oh god no the kicked puppy look xD

YES SANGWOO. BUM WANTS TO LEAVE. I WONDER WHY. 

Did Koogi mean to draw Sangwoo’s expression like this?  Like his boyfriend just said “I want to break up”, saying the words that Sangwoo has been dreading this entire time and has been trying his best to avoid hearing?  Like. Is it just me?  Like. I don’t want to, but I feel bad for Sangwoo and don’t want him to look like that.  Oh my god. This fucking webtoon is fucking with me.

It makes me worried for how easy I can be prey to stockholm syndrome...

...oh wait.

lol

7. At first, I was like, what is with this delayed reaction here and why are you screwing with Bum like this--

--instead of just picking him up and carrying him inside, and then I came unto a theory. 

He’s trying to pound it into Bum’s skull that there’s no escaping. That no one will be coming for him and that no one will help him. It’s a great psychological tactic because the severity of this moment can impact Bum in the long run and make him even less wanting to ask for help, because no help will come. I do wonder if Sangwoo remembers Bum from military times and college times, because if he takes Bum’s victimization into consideration, this method of mentally destroying Bum is even more effective. 

It does show that Sangwoo is willing to forgive Bum, with how he is still trying to train Bum. Despite the betrayal, he recognizes Bum is more or less reacting more from an instinctual desire to be set free, rather than truly hating Sangwoo and being disgusted by him. So that means Bum still has his worth.

Also, the ‘slowness’ of his realization over what Bum was doing. Bum’s slowness was truly from a succession of events, rather than on purpose, but Sangwoo’s can go either way or be even a mix of both. If more of a response to Bum’s actions, then it could be because he’s truly wondering what the hell Bum is doing. 

At first, Bum is just begging for Sangwoo to forgive him, which...most likely takes Sangwoo aback. But then Bum is saying he wants to go outside, which...okay, closer to what Sangwoo is familiar with. But it’s when Bum starts yelling for help out in the streets, ‘idiotically’ ignoring how Sangwoo is letting him go through the gates (idiotic like the CEO daughter girl, though not to a point where it was ‘difficult to match’, which means Bum is still ‘salvageable’), that is when Sangwoo is in familiar territory. 

But honestly, most likely, Sangwoo is just fucking with Bum by being a smartass. 

OH WAIT. ‘Difficult to match her stupidity’. This might be something that Sangwoo does then?  As a way to either play with his prey or to...appeal to them in some way, by going to their level. Sangwoo being ‘slow’ to realize things is similar to Bum, so maybe he’s copy that--both--for his amusement and out of habit, since he tends to match the social mood in order to come off charismatic and charming. It’s also something he must have learned having grown up with abusive parents as well. ‘Match their mood’ or respond according to survive and all that.

8. “LET’S GO HOME”

OH NO. OH GOD. OH SHIT. THIS HURTS. SANGWOO STOP. SANGWOO YOU CANNOT BE DOMESTIC WITH SOMEONE YOU ARE KEEPING PRISONER. PLEASE. YOU ARE DESTROYING YOURSELF EVEN FURTHER BY DOING THIS. OH MY GOD. 

Okay but this makes me think even more that Sangwoo was hurt by Bum’s “let’s go home” comment earlier. He wants Bum to really think of his prison as his home. The whole “I’ll make you some hot tea” thing really emphasizes just how much he wants the domestic lifestyle with someone, anyone (okay well...as long as they’re female or feminine), who can accept him. 

At this point, Bum hasn’t gone to the point where Sangwoo will throw him immediately into the basement. He can still forgive Bum for his trespasses, more or less. He won’t beat Bum up. Because Bum’s first reaction was to call out to him. He begged for Sangwoo’s forgiveness. He understands that Bum wants the first taste of the outside world. 

But Sangwoo is willing to forgive Bum if he just finishes his tirade at this point. Because this lesson is meant to teach Bum that he cannot escape, that no one will come to his rescue. No one in the outside world cares about them and would leave them to rot if it means they get to stay in their own bubble. The only people they can rely on is each other--the only one who’ll give Bum hot tea is Sangwoo.

If Bum understands this lesson, then he’ll just go along with Sangwoo and that means Bum wanting to run away has lessened even moreso than before. 

That means, if Bum just goes along with what he wants, then Sangwoo really will give him hot tea once they go back to ‘their’ home.

9. Even at this point, Sangwoo is still willing to give Bum hot tea (maybe after a good punch though)--

As for why Bum is fighting back so strongly, again, he has finally gotten the taste of the outside. I think Bum is even more sensitive to this because of his mentality. I think the more he is left by himself, the less he can deal with his internal world. One reason why he is unable to change his stalking ways and escape his uncle is because he doesn’t seem to be very...self-aware. He doesn’t check in with himself. He ignores his internal world too much because he can’t handle what it’s saying. So, to avoid letting himself think so much, the outside world is very, very important for keeping his sanity intact. So, more than his fear/disgust/anger/hate towards Sangwoo, Bum fights because he can’t stand being trapped inside anymore, scared that Sangwoo will kill him, abandon him, or betray him.

10. --AAAAND THEN BUM SAYS THIS TO HIM

I mean, go Bum for speaking the truth, but...gah. He lost all chances of Sangwoo treating him nicely.

Because this hit too close to Bum acting like ‘all those other girls’. Bum calling him that is like saying he hates Sangwoo, thinks Sangwoo is repulsive, or that he’s better than Sangwoo. Also because that’s what Sangwoo thinks whenever he calls someone else that. 

I don’t blame Bum for losing it because ohhhhh my gosh, this boy has been keeping it together for so long through the most impossible situations. But at this point, had he realized that chances for escape and for anyone coming for him was zero, his priority should’ve been mitigating the damage of Sangwoo’s anger. Especially to keep that anger from breaking his goddamn legs again.

Though, I think it’s interesting that Koogi chose a purplish-blue hue rather than red for this scene. I’m kinda wondering if it’s suppose to signify anything...knowing Koogi, it does, but I have no clue what.

11. Hmmmmn...

I mean...why would there be shopping districts in a residential area?  Is that common in Korea?  I can see the argument for stores, because having one nearby in walking distance is common also in the Philippines so that you don’t have to go to the shopping district. 

Anyways, I don’t think this is also quite true. There are literally cars right there. Like. Right next to his goddamn house. Sangwoo specifically chose this time of day for a reason and I honestly think he was waiting also for the weather to be right. He waited for there to be heavy rain before enacting this plan. He waited for 6pm, when there wouldn’t be anyone coming by anymore. And probably his neighbors were all out and the ones who would be there are further out so that they won’t hear Bum and/or even be less inclined to check out the racket. 

Sangwoo doesn’t actually plan things through properly, and that becomes especially true when he later becomes more of the classic sociopath. That’s why he can be careless. He doesn’t account for outliers in his plan, but he still thinks far enough that he still keeps the king in sight by planning at least two steps ahead, with alternatives in place.

Even though this sets him up for making more mistakes, it does make him adaptable. That’s why he was still willing to make Bum tea...though he was probably going to shower Bum, dry him off, put him in the basement, then make him tea lol. That’s probably his literal thought process. But again, he’s willing to change his plans based off how Bum reacts. 

Oh!  Also, I think Sangwoo is speaking from experience. This neighborhood is also probably infamous for just...looking the other way. For being apathetic. This is his childhood home and a lot of shitty things went down in that house. So showing Bum just how little the neighborhood cared was probably just an extension to make Bum feel the way he felt before as well.

12. An extension of my last point, where Sangwoo was most likely stretching the truth

Again, this shows that Sangwoo is still willing to keep Bum. He’s no longer willing to treat Bum nicely enough to give hot tea, but if Bum keeps giving him the right reactions--if he’s able to somehow convince Sangwoo in a way that not even Sangwoo can expect--then he’ll still want Bum by his side.

So long as Bum can show that there is no one else like him--that will accept Sangwoo and love him, despite being a monster.

13. Pfffffft

I really want to make this into a meme where Bum is us, Sangwoo is the shutdown mandates, the fence is the outside world, and the white car is corona virus just waving at us.

14. Sangwoo’s language

Clever word choice that puts the blame on Bum, trying to guilt him by ‘forcing’ Sangwoo’s hand, now making Sangwoo feel bad, and making the situation worse for both of them. Also drives home that the more Bum does this, the more Sangwoo will take extreme measures.

Oh hey, green duct tape. I think Koogi makes artwork of Bum being wrapped up in green duct tape too.

15. Well, this one, I’m wondering about

Sangwoo is implying that since it’s covered in Bum’s sweat, the blanket is disgusting and he can no longer touch it. 

So Sangwoo changes his word choices depending on how Bum behaves as well.  “Cutie” is reserved for the times Bum behaves and/or is able to make Sangwoo feel...normal, I guess. If Bum makes him feel okay, then Sangwoo praises him.  And ^this^ is reserved for when Bum isn’t behaving or is unable to distract him from his trauma.

But the truth of how Sangwoo actually does see him--cute--actually showed from the moment he rubbed Bum’s cheeks. While Bum’s confession is what made Sangwoo stop from killing him, it’s Bum’s appearance that made him decide to let Bum live for now. Bum wasn’t just ‘girly-looking’, he’s actually attractive in a way that can fit Sangwoo’s style.

16. Oooooohp, we’re back to the red

Actually, I believe Sangwoo here when he says he didn’t choose anything lol. He most likely thought of options, just from what he has used before, but never actually went through with picking something out. Because Bum never did anything that warranted Sangwoo to actually choose something.

Actually, this says a lot of how much Sangwoo was willing to let Bum get away with things. Even though he desperately hoped that Bum wouldn’t cross the line, he also figured there was a 50/50 chance of it. The fact that he didn’t choose a torture device means that a part of him--in a way--trusted Bum (or wanted to trust him), which shows how much he has become attached to the idea of Bum staying by his side. 

So, even if Bum did cross the line, he wasn’t planning of torturing Bum even then. Punishing him in some way like locking him back up in the basement, yes. But not actually hurting him physically. 

But then Bum called him motherfucker lol. I think bringing in the “mother” part was double the trigger too.

In a way, I don’t think Sangwoo actually enjoys hurting people. He wants to hurt them in the same way that he feels hurt, as a way to assuage the pain he feels and he believes they caused. I believe it might be a way he justifies hurting them, as well as building a wall that keeps whatever little sanity he has left intact. Sort of a ‘they hurt me, so I’ll hurt them too’. And since the scars they left on him are invisible, he might find it poetic that the scars he returns to them are bleeding in a way he can see. 

17. AAAAAAAND WE’RE NOW INTO THE TERRITORY I REALLY REALLY DON’T WANT TO BE IN HAHAHAHAHHH

Lol this is why it took me two years after this series finished to even be interested in reading this webtoon lol.

I am glad for Koogi highlighting this panel in red though. She obviously doesn’t mean it for it to be romanticized. It’s just as bad as the torture and murder Sangwoo inflicts onto his victims. This is rape in all its horrifying glory and the red is meant to remind us that just because Koogi ain’t pulling her punches, doesn’t mean the punches are meant to inflict anything but pain.

oh god i was prolonging get to this point so much that i spent two hours typing out the other stuff sjgsoi;regjio;ejg

should i just skip

should i just skip

should i just skiiiiiip 

18. Ohhhhhh Sangwoo o;aiejroi;ejao;gijo;ijso

I’m sorry but i laughing so fkkn hard at Sangwoo’s reaction oh my god i love it

HM?

HMM??

NANI DESU KA?

MWOYA?

BUM WHAT ARE YOU DOING. BUM WHAT THE FUCK. BUM STOP TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF AND JUST CHOOSE THE HOOK OR THE KNIFE. OR KEEP YELLING. DO SOMETHING EXPECTED. WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING. YOU’RE SCARING ME.

slap the word “me” over Sangwoo’s face and you get the tamer version of my reaction.

If Sangwoo does not say the words “country whore” in the next panels, then...uh well, that’s going to be surprising and I’ll add an interpretation of that in the end.

19. *wheeze* Sangwoo go 8^0 and “wut wut wut wut wut”

Sangwoo’s highly dumbstruck, incredibly confused expression is still killing me.  Look at how malnourished this poor boy is tho >_<

One thing, again, is Koogi’s decision to make Bum eyeless here. Bum is just using his mouth to appeal to Sangwoo now, anything to keep himself free of pain. To do that, he has to take away his autonomy. He has to lose himself. He can’t think about himself, he can’t see himself as a person. The only thing he needs to do is gratify Sangwoo. 

Bum really is clever though. Now that he’s away from the outside world, the one thing he wants more than anything, his brain can focus on one thing now. There’s no extra stimuli that will battle between the different instincts to survive (one to appeal to Sangwoo for the sake of his blood staying inside his body, the other to be outside for the sake of his sanity). So now, he can focus on what he knows he should’ve done earlier: appeal to Sangwoo. 

He knows it’s too late and part of him regrets it--but it did let him stay outside longer, so he can’t completely regret it--but now that he’s back inside and away from the outside world, he knows that the only chance he has to stay alive...is to appeal to Sangwoo’s first desire to keep Bum by his side. To show Sangwoo that he’s still different and still worth keeping alive. That there’s things Sangwoo still hasn’t been able to answer and he can only do so by keeping Bum by his side.

20. Lolololololololololol Sangwoo still 8^0

And those blades in his hands are just frkkn decorations at this point xD

I also like to think that the reason for Sangwoo being half eyeless is because part of his humanity is, obviously, not there...but Bum is still able to keep part of his sanity intact because of what he’s doing. 

It’s funny because Bum is using his sexuality as a weapon, just like Sangwoo is. 

Sangwoo must be so fkkn confused right now. He doesn’t understand Bum. He really doesn’t. Bum was literally just screaming and kicking him earlier. He doesn’t know which side of Bum to trust. If only Bum had acted like this earlier...well actually wait no. Because I don’t think Sangwoo actually wants Bum to come onto him. He’s still testing out Bum and questioning his sexuality, so Bum coming onto him would be uncomfortable and make Sangwoo push back, especially since he does have homophobic tendencies.  But Bum not treating Sangwoo like a monster, being docile, and actually wanting to be by Sangwoo’s side--that is what Sangwoo wanted from the beginning.

However, even though Bum is obviously doing this because he wants to avoid pain, the fact that he is even able to respond like this impresses Sangwoo. To a point where, as a reward, he doesn’t torture Bum with blades. Bum was able to ease some of the hurt he did onto Sangwoo, so Sangwoo no longer needs Bum to bleed. But Bum still crossed the line. He still called Sangwoo ‘motherfucker’. So he still needs to be punished. 

This does show that Sangwoo doesn’t actually want to hurt Bum. He’s just using these methods because he doesn’t know anything else. Or, to put it more accurately, he can’t bring himself to use healthier methods because he’s so familiar with the unhealthy ones.

21. *screams into palms*

Sangwoo shows gratitude for Bum once again proving his worth by giving a sweet little kiss. 

Bum knows better than be comforted by that. 

Okay fuck it i made it page 44 ;djg;sdjgo i need a fucking break

[youveneverbeenalone]

Inktober for Writers/Fictober:

Day 28- Power (Darejones)

Hello, I’m back and we’re in the homestretch. Fingers crossed that I finish strong. :) Today’s piece is loosely based on a prompt from @mrsdaredevil in which she asked for Matt hearing something terrible happen and someone dying in the next building over while he and Jess are out and doing something fun, and Jess coming to understand how that impacts him and what his life has been like as a result. This is a little different than that, but hopefully still close enough. You’re amazing and I hope you enjoy!

Continuity-wise, this falls after they’ve been together for a while, and is general enough to fit with all my other stuff. And per usual, prompt list here list here, and links to previous days at the bottom. Feedback is always appreciated. Thank you so much for reading!

Day 28- Power

At this point, she’s not expecting to be surprised by him much anymore. They’ve been together several months now, and after the months they spent as friends, she assumes that most of the big reveals about him have already happened - that there’s nothing left to catch her off guard. But occasionally, even she can be wrong. And today is one such day.

On this particular day, they’re out and about, on their way to get something to eat when he cocks his head to the side, brows furrowed in a concerned frown as he focuses on some unseen bit of sensory data someone in the ether.

“Is Timmy in the well?” Her tone is flat, but she’s smirking at him.

But after a moment of listening, he cocks his head a little further. Then his eyebrows shoot up to meet his hairline, and he chuckles under his breath. “Just a false alarm. I thought for a moment that someone was being hurt. But … it turns out that she was a willing participant, and was, actually enjoying herself quite a bit. So… no need for any heroics this time.”

His voice remains remarkably calm and steady, but the slightest of blushes rises on his cheeks. She smirks wider at the sight of it and adopts a sardonic tone.

“Scandalous. Your poor sensibilities must be thoroughly offended.”

He shakes his head at her, a smile curling his lips. “I’m sure I’ll manage.”

They walk a few more steps as she considers the implications of these powers of his, specifically related to the permanent ability he has to eavesdrop and intrude, no matter how delicate the situation.

“That must be a hell of an albatross - always knowing everything that’s happening around you like that. Because ignorance really can be bliss.”

He shrugs. “Well, someone once told me that ‘With great power comes great responsibility.’ So, you’re right; it sucks at times. But if I want to be able to save people and do what I do and, it’s a necessary evil.”

She gives him a hum of consideration. “I guess.”

They walk another half-block in relative silence. But then he sucks in a breath, like he’s about to say something difficult.

“But there are definitely worse things to hear. Days when it’s truly a burden.” His expression is distant, his voice quiet. “That’s part of the reason I started putting on the mask - because I could hear and notice terrible things happening which no one else knew about or could stop.”

She bites her lip, stomach starting to churn with anxiety. “I’m pretty sure I don’t actually want to know the answer to this question, but… what kinds of things?”

His shoulders slump, and he turns his head toward her. “Jess, it’s okay. You don’t have to ask.”

Rolling her eyes and sighing, she slides her hands into her pockets.

“Yeah, well, I did. So?”

They continue on in silence for a beat before he finally sighs and speaks again, tone low and uncharacteristically flat.

“Initially, it was a young girl, maybe five years old. She was being abused by her father at night. And no one did anything about it for weeks, even when I called and tried to go through the official channels. So, eventually I did something about it.”

“Fuck.” She frowns deeply at that, looking down at her shoes as they move across the sidewalk, and she tries to process what he’s telling her. But somehow she knows that’s not even close to the only example he has.

“And the other times?”

He gives a belabored sigh. “I’m not going to list them all out, Jess.”

But she gives him sidelong glare she’s sure he can feel.

“… Okay, fine. One more.” He pauses for a moment, a look of calculation on his face as he attempts to pick his other example. His voice is strained and hesitant when he finally speaks again.

“… Do you remember two weeks ago - we were in that bar and suddenly I jumped up because I thought there was something wrong down on the next block? But by time we got there, I said that the cops were on their way and that things were fine. Then I promptly left, claiming a migraine was coming on?”

She shrugs. “Yeah, okay. So…”

Suddenly he looks very upset - visibly shaking with a tortured expression on his face. After she does a quick scan of the block, she pulls him off of the sidewalk into a side alley so that it’s just the two of them.

Once settled there against the brick of the building behind him, he takes a deep breath to calm himself and tries again.

“Well, there was some kind of dispute between a man and a woman. It sounded like he was high - agitated and mindlessly furious. Things started to get violent, and that’s when I had us start in that direction. But before we could get there, he pulled out a gun and shot her, point blank in the head. And she died instantly… But at that point, there was nothing we could do. The police were on their way - a neighbor had heard the scuffle and called - and he was too high to make a successful escape. So I called it off and went home because I was so upset, so livid at myself for not being there to help her.”

She stands silent and completely still for a beat as her mind reels with what he’s telling her. Eventually she takes a breath and tries her voice, though it comes out sounding rough.

“Jesus Christ, Matt. I- I’m sorry.”

The words sound puny and thin, like they’re ridiculously lacking in the face of what he’s experienced, but they’re all she has to offer.

But he gives her a small, hollow smile in return, as if to thank her for her effort, regardless, before he flattens his mouth into thin line. “Yeah. That was a rough day.”

She has to bite her tongue to keep from laughing uncomfortably at that, because she doesn’t know what the fuck else to do.

But with this information, suddenly she feels the last gears slot into place as her mental image of him crystallizes. Because this is it- this is the piece of the puzzle she’s been missing when it comes to understanding him, particularly when it comes to the reckless way that he throws himself into danger without a second thought for what will happen to him in the process. Because he feels compelled to. Because he can literally find problems that no one else can, and in many cases (probably more than anyone wants to admit), he’s the only person that can help. Or at least, he’s the only one to show up and try.

And, holy shit, that is a motherfucking albatross if there’s ever been one in the history of man.

Immediately she feels her sense of respect for him triple in intensity, because he may not have super-strength, but he’s stronger than anyone else she’s ever met to walk around with all of the loss he is exposed to everyday, no matter how far removed he may be from the situation.

She finally looks up at his face, baffled and in awe of this ridiculous man who is so good in so many ways. Because it’s moments like this in which she doesn’t understand how she’s ended up here. She doesn’t know why he seems to care about her so much, but she can’t deny that she is coming to care for him too - though she’s still unsure how or how to express that most of the time.

But tonight, as she says a prayer of thanks to a god she’s still not entirely sure exists (but which she thinks is one of the only logical explanations for how she’s ended up with Matt), she doesn’t even think. She just reacts. She takes his hand in hers and squeezes just hard enough until he lifts his head up toward hers. And in a soft but sure voice that brooks no argument, she gives him the only support she can think of.

“Murdock, next time something like that happens, tell me. ‘Great responsibility’ may come with ‘great power’ or whatever the hell, but who says you have to deal with either of those things on your own.”

The smile he gives her then is small, but brilliant and true. And her heart stutters when he brushes his thumb over her fingers.

“Okay, Jess. I can do that.”

And as he says the words, something tells her that maybe, in time and as long as they’re together, they’re both gonna be okay in the end- able to deal with sadness and loss and the sometimes depressing reality of the world around them. So long as they can trust and lean on one another to get through. She she’s starting to believe that may not be such an impossible future after all. She can certainly hope so.

Day 27 | Day 29

[seokjingiggles]

Full Speed Ahead

genre: fluff, angst

member: jimin

words: 2779

Wild animals can have bigger hearts than humans.

I had a lot of fun creating this and I would love to do more requests hehe :)

Again, thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy it! ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

What began as a minor quarrel at dinner escalated into a monstrous fit of yelling, insulting, and slamming doors within minutes. You were enjoying a romantic steak dinner with your boyfriend when you brought up “the topic” for the millionth time this week.

“Jimin, it's not that I think you don't love me anymore. It's just that you leave before I even wake up and come home an hour before I fall asleep. I literally have you for just an hour a day. I'm your girlfriend, aren't I? Don't I deserve a little more of Park Jimin than your stupid band?”

Being needy was one thing, but bashing his best friends was something Jimin could not and would not tolerate. Ever.

Jimin abruptly stood up from his chair, not bothering to push it back in. He glared at you with stone cold eyes as he stormed closer to you.

“Call them stupid one more time.” His voice sliced through the air.

You knew you were getting into dangerous territory, but to be honest, you were tired of his bullshit and stubborn enough to not consider what you were getting yourself into. 

“If you think seven boys singing a bunch of lousy songs for eleven year old girls is more important than spending quality time with your girlfriend, then yes. Your band is very stupid.” You crossed your arms in defense to conclude your first move.

Fury flashed across his already flaming expression. He menacingly hovered above you and stuck a finger in your face, just inches from your widened eyes. Maybe you were going overboard.

“You don't think I try to come home sooner? You don't think I work my ass off in that practice room so I have more time to be with you? You don't think the company hates me for lying about sick days? You don't think the fans despise me because of you? I go through a lot of shit for you, Y/N. And if you’re stupid enough to not realize that and be thankful, then you can leave. I've only been good to you. What have I gotten in return? Nothing.”

You pressed a hand against his chest and pushed him away. He was exaggerating things just so he could be right. He was trying to put all the blame on you and it was time to defend yourself. You smacked his finger out of your face. Jimin looked as if steam was spewing out of his ears.

You narrowed your eyes and snarled, “Are you fucking blind? I iron your clothes, wash the dishes, clean the house, do the laundry, buy the groceries, make breakfast, lunch, and dinner, take out the trash, wash the windows, vacuum the floors, and I even bring you homemade lunch every day! I call your parents when you’re disgusting enough to not want to talk to them. You haven’t seen them in two years and your mother cries every time she calls because she misses you. She asks me how you’ve been but I can never tell her the truth. I don’t even know myself and I fucking live with you! I guess I’m the servant of the house based on how you’re treating me. Definitely not your girlfriend that shares a life with you. Next time, I’ll tell your mom that you’re doing just fine. Neglecting your family, spending all of our money, wrecking the house, staying up late doing who knows what. Yeah, she’ll definitely appreciate that from the son she worries so much about.” You were breathing hard and Jimin’s chest was heaving from bottled up anger. He was smoldering and you didn’t want to hear any more of his bullshit excuses. You walked straight past him and locked the bedroom door behind you, making sure to slam it hard enough to make the chandelier tremble. You stood with your back against the door. Rubbing your eyes with the palm of your hands, you knew you had taken it too far. 

Jimin’s hasty footsteps thrashed towards the bedroom. The door shook as he pounded a fist against it.

Clearing his throat he snarled, “You've always been a slutty, needy bitch. I can't even remember the last time I enjoyed having sex with you. Hell, I despise kissing you. You talk about Jungkook way too much to “just be friends.” I've seen how you look at him. I've seen how your eyes glide across his muscles. I’ve seen how you shamelessly bite your lip when he talks to you. You never look at me that way anymore...And you're telling me you miss me? I'm such a dumbass for ever believing in your bullshit. You never loved me and I wasted so much time and money on you. I deserve better than scum. Get the fuck out of my life. I can't even breathe right knowing I'm in the same building as you. Go fuck yourself.”

And with that, he grabbed his coat and left the apartment, shutting the door with enough force to make the entire apartment quake. You jolted as a picture of Jimin and you fell and shattered on the ground. That was the first Christmas present you had ever given him. Your back slid down the door until your butt plopped on the floor. The tears you had been holding back for the past few weeks had finally defeated you. You sobbed loudly into your hands, wailing apologies and yelling at yourself for being so selfish and vile. You felt enraged and hurt. This was really it. Jimin had left for good this time. His piercing words lingered and made your head throb. He was right. He didn’t deserve you. He deserved someone who understood his busy schedule and accepted him for who he was. You felt sick to your stomach and ran to the toilet to retch in the bowl. You winced when you saw your complexion in the mirror. Your makeup was smeared all over the place, your hair was a tangled wreck, and your eyes were red from bawling tremendously. You had to avert your gaze from the mirror, too disgusted in yourself. 

It was time to move on.

You didn’t want to be this person any longer. You didn’t want to be the girl always waiting for someone else. You wanted to be with someone who wanted you, who needed you. You wanted to share love with someone so strong that nothing could wear it down. Park Jimin wasn’t that someone.

You packed a hefty duffel bag with various clothes and possessions. This time, you didn’t bother to wash the dishes or clean up the broken glass from the picture frame. The last thing you did before you left the apartment was write Mrs. Park’s phone number on a piece of paper that you stuck to the fridge. Jimin never bothered to save his own mother’s contact in his phone.

As you waited for a cab to pick you up, you took several long, deep breaths. You had no idea what the hell you were doing. You didn’t have any family in the city and most of your friends were also friends of Jimin’s. You didn’t want anything to do with him right now so you were on your own. You checked the time on your phone. It was getting pretty late and the city wasn’t getting any warmer. You rubbed your hands together as you saw two beams of a car’s headlights scythe through the air. Your cab arrived.

“Hello there. Do you need any help with your bags?” the driver said as he turned his head to face you.

“No, no. I’m fine, thank you.” You placed your duffel bag next to you and let your hands rest in your lap.

The cab driver sensed your weary tension and smiled kindly. “Alrighty then. Where to this late at night?” 

You hadn’t thought this far yet. Looking through the window at the moon, you concluded that you would figure everything out in the morning. “Just get me away from here. I don’t care,” you murmured and rested your head against the window.

The man sighed and started the engine. He seemed nice enough. You hoped he wouldn’t ask anymore questions about you.

The ride commenced with ease. You closed your eyes and set your mind free. You ignored the pestering responsible portion of your brain that refused to stop blaring at you to go back. You fell asleep, careless of everything, ignorant of the world around you, and oblivious to Park Jimin.

Within an hour, Jimin was back at your shared apartment. He originally had planned to see his friends, go out for drinks, and not worry about the next step. But when he pulled into their dorm’s driveway, he realized that he had taken your car keys on accident. His fingers fondled with the pink Apeach character keychain he gave you for Christmas three years ago. Jimin was pretty terrible at giving sentimental gifts, but you loved his first Christmas present all the same.

What the hell am I doing? She must be devastated. I shouldn’t have left. I shouldn’t have said those things. What is wrong with me? 

Jimin bolted home and scurried up the stairs to the third floor of the apartment complex. He was already crying imagining how hurt you must have been. He felt so shitty for everything he had said, everything he had done. Unlocking the door and bursting in, Jimin said, “Y/N, I’m so so so sorry for everything. I didn’t mean any of it...Y/N? Where are you? Y/N??” 

His hands were shaking as he turned the knob to your bedroom. You weren’t there and all of your clothes were missing. Not wanting to believe what was happening, Jimin tore through every room, every closet, searched behind every door, ran down the hallways asking the neighbors if they saw you, and called all of his friends begging to tell him where you were. He trudged back to his apartment empty-handed and crying. He lost you. You were gone and you were never coming back. Jimin messily ran his fingers through his hair and screamed your name at the top of his lungs with no response. He stomped his feet and dug his nails into his arms in frustration. Why did he do it? Why did he spit out such horrid lies at you? Why was he such a ravaging beast? You were right. Jimin didn’t care about anyone. He wasn’t considerate of his actions and he didn’t have the heart to tell his mom he was dying on the inside because he had so much love to give you but with so little time each day. He didn’t know how to tell you that he was tired. Tired of having to put on a smile everyday to please his fans. Tired of leaving when it’s still dark out and coming home just to kiss you goodnight. He hated putting you in this situation. You deserved so much more than what he could offer. And now, he couldn’t give you anything.

Jimin collected himself enough to sit down and text you. He couldn’t pour out his heart through texts but he tried anyway. He left you hundreds of texts and voice messages confessing things that he was too shy to say aloud. You didn’t respond. His heart broke at the realization that he was nothing to you anymore.

You woke up to the screeching of tires and your head almost hitting the car seat in front of you. You yelped in shock as you saw what made the cab stop so abruptly. Two deer, a male and a female, jumped, just feet away from the vehicle. You watched in awe as the male deer licked his mate’s ear as she searched him for wounds. Seconds later, they scurried off the road and into the darkness. Ironically, it was the most humane behavior you had witnessed today. They looked out for each other. The animals blindly ran into the road, unknowing and naive, and mercilessly faced death. But it didn’t matter because they did it together. They shared a bond so intimate that they were willing to risk it all for their love. They suffered together and cleaned each other’s wounds. And in the end, they ran off, untouched, and even more in love.

You checked your phone.

479 texts and 24 missed calls from Park Jimin

He loved you, and you loved him.

“Stop the car!” you hissed, hot tears forming around your eyes.

The driver swiftly hit the brakes and turned to face you. He was grinning, as if he knew what you were about to request.

“I’m sorry, but can you take me back to where you picked me up? I don’t know where we are and I wanna go home. I love him and miss him and wanna kiss and hug him. I wanna  be in his arms and cuddle up until we fall asleep, his hand around my waist and my hand stroking his hair. I wanna see him again and tell him how much I regret saying all those things and leaving him. I wanna forget about all this and start over. I wanna tell him everything’s okay and that his mom loves him. I wanna be with him forever and the thought of him being alone, thinking that no one wants him will kill me unless I see him again. Take me home.”

The poor driver blinked with wide eyes. In his twenty-three years of working as a taxi driver, he had never seen a girl empty her heart teeming with that much love before. He spun the car around and raced home, full speed ahead.

You thanked the driver and handed him whatever cash you had on you. You bustled out of the car and practically threw yourself into the apartment complex. If you didn’t get to him soon, your heart was going to burst.

You fumbled with the keys in your sweaty hands. They slipped and you reached down to get them. As you crouched down, you heard crying from the other side of the door. Hand on the doorknob, you took a deep breath. What did you do in your past life to deserve Jimin? You started the fight that made him decompose.

You heard his faint, quivering whispers from inside. “Why, God...I’m begging you. Y/N. Please come back. I can’t live without you. I can’t...”

You found yourself inside the living room, walking as fast as you could, beelining towards him. His face was in his hands and his shoulders were shaking. His toes were curled and his disheveled hair stuck out in all directions. He looked up at the sound of the creaking floorboards. Jimin’s face was red and blotchy. You shrunk at the sight of his condition.

Unsure if you were really standing in front of him, Jimin hesitated and stood up quickly. He wiped his nose and made desperate eye contact with you. Your eyes watered.

“I’m sorry,” you both uttered at the same time.

You paced towards him and clutched his hands. “Jimin, it was my fault. I had no right to confront you about something I know you can’t do anything about. I was just frustrated and lonely because I barely get to see you anymore. What the hell was I thinking walking out on you like that? You must’ve been worried sick. My heart aches just imagining you sitting here by yourself crying, thinking that you fucked up, even though I’m the one to blame.” You searched deep into his eyes, your look telling him things you couldn’t muster to say.

He squeezed your hands and replied in a raspy voice. “I didn’t do any better by screaming at you like that. The shit I said was cruel and unfair. I didn’t consider how and why you were feeling so alone. I’ll talk to the company and try to change the schedule. I’ve always wanted to see you more. I would drop everything just to be with you. And when you disappeared, I felt like I was going to die. My life lost purpose. Everything around me crumbled because I thought I lost you,” he whimpered as he gathered you into a hug.

“But you didn’t. I’m not gonna let you lose me. Never again.” You snuggled up to him, placing your ear against his chest. You felt his heart thump steadily and your lips curved into a smile. His cologne had worn off and his musky scent swaddled you.

You were glad to be home.

Uhh I was nOT expecting the rebranding yesterday !!! They’re really growing up now :”))))

Tyvm for requesting and reading! Accepting requests/asks! ❤️

[iti-iskuna]

a sleepy girl’s guide to going The Fuck To Sleep

hello, it is I, your local insane napper and sleep aficionado. can’t go to sleep? tired of googling stupid articles that say “develop a routine!” and other useless shit because it’s too late for that, buddy? need to go the fuck to sleep Right Now? look no further, for I have made you The Ultimate Guide for Going the Fuck To Sleep.

Brain Being an Emotional Bitch and Won’t Let You Fucking Sleep?

grab a journal or a piece of paper and brain vomit. let it all out. get all the bad juju onto the paper. put it away when you’re done; out of sight, out of mind.

listen to music. I made you a dank playlist here. not a fan? look at spotify’s sleep section under browse, or make your own playlist. I recommend soft things with no heavy drum beats.

music not your thing? this podcast works like a charm. takes a few tries to get used to it, but it’s honestly been my lifesaver.

not into podcasts? find guided imagery meditation tracks, you can usually find some good ones on youtube.

break out the old teddy bear. sometimes we all need a friend.

Physical Pain Kicking You in the Ass?

stretch it out. I deal with a lot of back pain, and I find that child’s pose and twisting my back help a lot. 

self-massage the area in pain. or, if someone else is awake and nice enough, have them massage it for you.

heating pads or heating cream work wonders.

tylenol pm, advil pm, etc. always double check to make sure you’re safe to take it though.

add support to the area in pain by putting pillows under it or shifting positions.

hungry? a spoonful of peanut butter, a banana, and a glass of milk usually do the trick.

Hyper as Hell and Can’t Calm the Fuck Down?

use lavender and chamomile scented lotions, sprays, actual lavender and chamomile, whatever you have lying around.

find the longest, most boring book you have on hand. I’m talking about shit like the dictionary, a car manual or something similar, anything from the for dummies series, something with a lot of long words and technical jargon. read that shit until it literally bores you to sleep.

refer to the first section for the list of things to listen to. I personally find the podcast works best in calming me down.

make yourself aware of your body. lie down flat, and clench your toes together for a few seconds, then release. then repeat with your calves, your thighs, etc, working your way up your body.

even if you’re not dealing with physical pain, stretching can be a good way to calm the mind.

Asshole Neighbors being Loud as all Fucking Hell?

earplugs are your best friend if you can’t move rooms and get away from the sound. if you don’t have earplugs, you can use cotton balls or something similar. but don’t stick shit in there that shouldn’t be in there.

refer to section one for things to listen to so you can drown out the noise of your local mouth breathers. I would personally recommend using in-ear headphones to listen to things rather than a speaker, especially if the headphones are noise cancelling.

if it’s really out of hand, assert your dominance as the alpha. bang on their door. tell them to shut the fuck up. shit on their lawn. claim their house as your territory.

blast 20 “What’s New Pussycat”’s and one “It’s Not Unusual” through a speaker until they get the fucking message.

is the noise a loud snorer? I’m sorry, you’re shit out of luck. if you can’t move away from the sound, just try your best to drown it out.

Some General Shit for your Consideration

yes, melatonin exists. I personally do not like using it, nor can I safely use it because of risk of a medication interaction. that said, if you are 100% certain that there is nothing that would cause you to have a bad reaction to it, go ahead and take one. make sure you’ll have at least 8 hours of sleeping time before you take it, though, because those motherfuckers are powerful.

put the fucking phone away. you know you have to. get away from screens and emotional content. 

eliminate bright lights. yes, that means your alarm clock, too. if it’s too bright, cover it with a book or something opaque.

don’t be mad at yourself if none of this stuff works. sometimes, it’s just one of those nights. 

well there you have it folks, an entire list of shit to do to help you sleep. have fun kiddos, sweet fucking dreams, go the fuck to sleep.

[kingdeath000]

Hated to Deth - Part 3

Well I said I’d try to make up for the last part being so short and I think I did. This part is longer than the first one anyway.

(As always, the story can be found here as well)

 THUD!  Dave woke with a start, hitting his head on his side table. He had fallen out of bed. He had fallen out of bed like a dumb idiot, he had made a really loud noise, god knows when the motherfuckers in the floor above would be down there complaining about 'all the noise' but they damn well would be pretty soon if he knew them right. Dave prayed that the upstairs tenants were away somewhere at least for the weekend because, if things were going to keep going the way they were going now, they would be paying him or the landlord a lot of visits. Dave began to get up, but the searing pressure from his hangover kept him down. He vowed then and there that he would drink extra that evening to forget the pounding headache. Maybe take an aspirin or two with his beer.

  Between waking up after Junior left earlier, taking a few more drinks, and passing out in bed, he had found the sense to put on some sort of clothing, some jean shorts and an old Misfits shirt (he figured he must've stolen that from one of the Metallica guys, since he never remembered owning a Misfits shirt before or during his time with them) that had minor stains in places and was currently damp with sweat and beer.

  He stumbled to his feet slowly, one hand on the side of his bed and the other on his head, squeezing his eyes tight against the pain. He could've laughed, why did he do this to himself? Every single day and night? Speaking of day and night, what time was it? He looked around his blurry room for a clock, spotting the digital clock on the floor glaring up at him, it read 60:0Ɩ. He blinked, it was upside down, the time was 10:09. He groaned. He had literally drank the day away. Another successful bullet-of-life dodged by Dave, three cheers for the complete fucking loser.  The bathroom door appeared in front of him, he yanked it open and sort of stood there for a second. He'd lost his senses. What was he going to do here? Oh yeah, take an aspirin. You need water, too, Dave his better judgment told him, Beer dehydrates you, that's what the headache is. You're not going to live much longer if you don't-  "I can take care of myself thank you very much, me," Dave said. He opened the bathroom cupboard where all the medicines were, taking the aspirin bottle and uncorking it, taking one, "...Maybe I am crazy, I'm talking to myself." He twisted the cap back on the bottle and set it back where it was. He stared at the other pills for a minute, spying a bottle of Ibuprofen. He amused himself with the idea for a moment, before closing the cupboard. The mirror swung in front of him, his reflection gazing back, almost glaring. He didn't want to look. He turned away, his hangover forcing him to grab his head.  Water  Yes yes, thirst. Not beer, by god did Dave want beer, but he figured maybe he'd put a cork on it at least for the night. Gotta actually be in control of your life some time, right? He made his way to the fridge, squinting at the white light inside, grabbing a bottled water and working on sitting down on the couch. He took a long drink, the ice cold water stinging his throat. He leaned back, staring up at the ceiling, wondering what the fuck went wrong. It was his father, that had to have been it, the stupid motherfucking good for nothing drunken asshole that he was. It was his fault. Dave took another drink, relishing the icy burn in his teeth and in his throat. It was mom's fault, too, she never did anything, she just let him do what he did. She was too weak, never able to protect the family. Dave took a big swallow, it made his whole mouth numb. No, it was his own fault. He never even tried to improve his life, as soon as he was old enough - even before he was old enough - he had resorted to alcohol to deal with his problems. He had resorted to drinking and drugs and other temporary releases which would never, ever prepare him for the real world. You can't always fall back on beer, buddy, one of these days you're gonna end up in the hospital with liver cancer and where will beer be for you then, huh? He felt the icy water as it went down through him and chilled his stomach, making his nerves tingle and shiver. He already knew he was fighting a losing battle with himself, he would be drunk no matter what he did.

  He downed the rest of the bottle and set it on the coffee table in front of him. He noticed then that the magazines were gone. Whoever had been in here before must've thrown them away. Whatever, they were old. Had some nice hotties in one, but he could always buy new magazines. Plenty of photographers in the sea, right? Photographers hungry for jobs, and those lovely models looking for them.

  Oh that's right, hunger. Dave forgot he had been too drunk to eat all of that day, that wasn't good. Better have a Big Mac or something equally unhealthy or equally affordable. That'll really get his health up and his life back on track, cure his addictions and make him taller. Well, no it wouldn't, but it would keep him alive.

 His trip up the street was very joyful and stimulating, indeed. Someone bumped into him, almost causing a street fight, another person stood right in front of him and asked "Hey, aren't you from Metallica?", he overheard two girls whisper to each other as they passed, "That man smells like beer", and all kinds of similar experiences that made Dave just want to vomit. On them, preferably.  He needed a smoke right then, so he ducked onto the porch of some drugstore and dug the pack out of his pocket. As he was looking for his lighter he spotted a poster in the window that made his almost permanent frown deepen considerably;

Appearing August 5th METALLICA KILL 'EM ALL SUMMER '83 TOUR At the Abrams Theatre

 It just so happened that the Abrams Theatre was three blocks down the street from Dave's apartment. He angrily lit the cigarette and blew smoke against the window pane. He threw the cigarette on the ground and stomped it out after he realized that, unless the guys were already rich enough to book four $50 per hour rooms at the Lincoln Motel next door to the place, they would be forced to stay in the Grounds Inn, which was oh so conveniently located right next door to the apartment complex where Dave himself lived. A shimmer of happiness rose in him as a weak yearning to see his old bandmates again fought for light, yet it was quickly gunned down and crushed by the relentless rage and loathing which had plagued Dave's thoughts for years. The smoke materialized and settled in his stomach and sunk like a rock, smashing his appetite and sending him rushing back to his apartment, pushing whoever was in front of him out of the way with no care at all.

  "Dave, what's-"

  Dave didn't even stop to see who it was he was pushing, he just pushed. Junior hit the wall hard, glaring at Dave's back as he rushed into his room and slammed the door, "Alright what the fuck?!" he called after him, pounding on the door.

  "Leave me alone, motherfucker!" Dave shouted back, sitting down hard on the chair and banging a fist on the table. Oh boy the upstairs neighbors would have a party with the landlord tomorrow. Oh well who gave a shit, certainly not Dave, not at the moment he didn't. He didn't care if they fucking went deaf. Fuck them to hell, and fuck Junior too. God, he needed a drink. At this rate he would run completely out of beer by morning, but fuck it he needed another drink and the temptation was too much. He reached into the fridge, noticing that there were only three bottles left, grabbing one, popping the top open and taking a huge gulp. The bitter liquid was a sweet elixer against his tongue.

  Bang bang bang! "Dave?!"

  Oh yeah, Junior. Still holding the bottle, Dave took out his wallet, swung the door open to meet Junior mid-knock, shoving his wallet into the poor boy's hands, telling him "You go buy me some more beer, kid, I'm almost out."

  Junior, bewildered, looked at Dave's wallet and then back up at Dave, watching him take another swallow from the bottle in his hands, "...No."

  Dave glared at him from underneath his wild hair.

  "You've had too much, Dave, you don't need any mor-"

  Junior gasped as Dave grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked it towards him, looking him deep in the eyes, "Look here you little cunt, you will buy me some fucking beer or I'll break your fucking legs, you got it?"

  Junior nodded obediently. Dave grunted and slammed the door in his face. Junior leaned back against the wall taking a few deep breaths. He looked down at the wallet, a smirk coming to his face. He opened it to reveal two 20s and a 50. He took the 50 and one of the 20s and shoved them in his own pocket, "Dave should pay me for this shit," he grinned as he took off towards the drugstore.

[artificialqueens]

Courtney’s Infinite Search for Love Ch. 8 (Witney) - Grinder

AN: So I took a break from writing (kinda) to focus on my University work or I’d fail majorly. But that’s all over for now so here’s the next chapter of Courtney’s story. This chapter is quite filler-ish not gonna lie so forgive me. But also I wanna thank those for the feedback on the draft chapter of Justifying the American Dream as I am super super excited to write it! You’re all so lovely.

~Grinder

“So, hopefully you bitches have brought feedback and ideas to the table this time.” Bianca questions, slamming her palm down on the table waking us up more.

I would groan at the collision of her hand on the table but I’m already trying to keep a bright smile with my hand in Alyssa’s under the table. We know everyone’s aware of it, but there’s nothing like a bit of discretion.

Dela and Bianca have brought the whole team of Tune.105 to discuss the station’s content as they do every fortnight. The whole team including Willam. And this time I’m not cursing her existence (well maybe with my inner voice I am). Instead I’m just showing off as I pretend to be secretive of my new relationship.

Alyssa and I have been dating for nearly a week now. In the beginning, I was really just looking for a one-night stand. But she had thanked me for a “wonderful” time and requested to see me more. To me, Alyssa is really naive when it comes to love. Kind of like one of those girls who when someone shows them one ounce of affection they’re expecting a wedding the next day. But she is sweet and kind hearted. And as I drunkenly crawled onto the bed next to her I thought of Willam’s jealous reaction. So I accepted Alyssa’s request to see each other more.

I’ve practically spent a whole week with Alyssa, fucking nearly every night. Does it get tiring? Well yeah, but it is so worth it, especially when I get to show off. Yesterday we were nearly caught out making out in the coffee room as Willam had walked in moments after we had finished up. Yeah, she missed everything but she hadn’t missed the sight of our lipstick smudged around our mouths. Then there was my favourite moment. I had this huge hicky on my neck and by huge I mean it was fucking massive and I needed Willam to see it.

Alyssa had been sent up to the station with free cupcakes during Willam’s 80’s show. Trixie and Katya hadn’t left since finishing their show so they were there too. Seeing this as an opportunity, I decided to give them out instead. I passed one to Willam (trying my best to keep a cheery smile and not a murderous one). Then I passed one to Katya. Then, pulling my hair over one shoulder, I leaned over to pass the last to Trixie, exposing the huge bruise like mark on my neck. I didn’t give Willam a second look which I regret now. But I would imagine she stared wide eyed.

That situation has been my favourite so far. I know it doesn’t sound like much but today is another day after all.

“I’m happy to say that I do have an idea!” Alyssa exclaims with excitement. “More guest stars.”

There’s a pregnant pause before Dela replies, “We have enough guests. We’ve had politicians coming in and out for the politics show for the last few weeks.”

“Yeah, but famous people, girl.” Alyssa elaborates.

“Well, if you can get Beyoncé in here, come back to me then, ‘girl’.” Bianca replies, her tone thick with sarcasm.

Alyssa looks slightly defeated, sighing and leaning back in her chair. Poor Alyssa. She really does try.

“To be honest, I like that idea.” I state causing heads to turn. “Who said anything about celebrities? You know we do quite a lot of music shows here yet we’ve never had live sessions from local talent. And besides, I know it is Election season and we’re all slowly getting stressed out so it would be good to put out something different. And not to mention, it could broaden our listenership.”

There’s another moment of silence as the team takes the suggestion into consideration. Fuck, is this awkward or are they actually listening?

“I can’t believe it. Of all the years I’ve run this station…” Dela starts “…I’ve never thought to have local talent guest star in shows.”

“I guess we should get on with finding talent then.” Roxxxy speaks up, looking to her team, Alaska and Matthew.

“Yes. I would appreciate it if you and the rest of the entertainment team could find someone have them in here by the end of the week!” Dela states, writing a few words on her notepad. “Get back to me when you find someone.”

I look to Alaska and her team, smiling as Alaska winks at me. Then I turn my smile to Alyssa who looks happier than ever. I squeeze her hand under the table as she strokes her thumb over the back of my hand. Talk about team work!

-_-_-_-

“Do you think this would look good on me, baby?” Alyssa asks, holding a black dress against her as she pulls faces in the mirror. She doesn’t realize it but she’s kind of blocking the way of other customers.

“Yeah, it’ll look great on you!” I tell her, trying to sound as enthusiastic as I can. I move in order to make room for a pissed off looking Granny. I roll my eyes as I hear the old woman mutter under her breath something about ‘hoes’.

Alyssa sighs quite loudly, turning to face me. “What would I do without you?”

I don’t get a chance to say ‘you’re welcome’ as she gives me a quick peck on the lips. I hear some boys nearby snicker and say shit like ‘Look! Lesbians!’ Why are boys so fascinated with lesbians anyway. I get that girls are majestic but Christ! Down boys!

“I might try this on actually.” Alyssa contemplates turning to look at her reflection again.

“Go for it then.” I reply, but she’s too engrossed in her reflection, pulling faces and tongue popping to herself. People are looking again which causes a bright red blush to burn my cheeks. “So are you gonna go try that on or…”

“What was that?” Alyssa mutters, still fascinated by herself image.

“Never mind.” I say, shaking my head.

-_-_-_-

“So we got either Purge: Election Year or the new Ghostbusters.” Alyssa informs me, turning away from her TV. “Which one would you prefer?”

“I don’t mind.” I reply, munching on a dorito.

“Actually I’ve been really wanting to watch something Disney recently. It’s been a long time. Oh my Gosh, I make it sound like I’m ancient, girl.” Alyssa pauses to laugh. “I’m feeling Beauty and the Beast.”

“Sounds great.” I reply.

And it was great. Thank God Alyssa doesn’t have neighbors because we would have had many noise complaints with all the loud and obnoxious singing. It was great.

Up until a certain scene.

“This is bullshit.” I blurt out as Belle fan girls over her new library. Shit.

Alyssa, who’s laying with her arms around me with her head on my chest, looks up to me with a confused look. “What?”

“Sorry, it’s just reminding me of someone.” I say, brushing it off.

Alyssa’s face falls slightly and she twists a lock of my hair around her finger. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

A bottle of wine later, I’m just staring at the ceiling while Alyssa sits on the other end of the couch listening.

“…and then she built this big fort thing for us to chill out in. No one has ever done something like that for me. It made me feel I was worth all of the effort, you know? And weeks after, she stabbed me in the back. Literally. She took a long pointy knife and stabbed me right in my back with it.”

“Literally??” Alyssa questions, her eyes slightly widening.

“No. I wouldn’t even be here. What’s wrong with you?” I reply, taking a sip from the wine bottle. “We both went to this festival where she decided my attention wasn’t as valuable as the attention of some random guy.”

Alyssa’s eyes are wide again. “She didn’t cheat on you, did she?”

“She did! She was hoisted up on some van while he fucked the shit out of her. I saw it with my own eyes. And I haven’t been able to erase the image from my head since.” I pause again as my voice cracks. I don’t want to cry. There’s no way I’m crying over Willam. “And she had the audacity to try and act like nothing happened after. She only said that we weren’t right for each other and that we should see other people. So, here we are…”

Having one more sip of the wine, I look to Alyssa who’s eyes shift away from me and to the bottle in her hand as if she’s really thinking about what I’ve just said.

“…So…” she pauses, “Am I ‘other people’?”

Realizing my mistake, I put my bottle on the table, sit up and shuffle near her. “No. Of course not. You mean a lot to me, Alyssa.”

“I do?” She murmurs giving me puppy eyes.

“Yeah!” I exclaim. She’s silent. “I think…you’re really attractive. And you’re funny. And you have a good heart.” I pause contemplating on whether or not I should continue. With each thing I say I just feel guilt. Or is it just the misery that I’m feeling in the moment? “…And I know you’re gonna go far.”

Alyssa stifles out another laugh, rolling her eyes. “Girl, I may have the looks and personality but I’m dumb as fuck. I ain’t going nowhere.”

“You are not! I promise you, you can do anything you put your mind to.” I beam at her. I’m not going to lie but hearing Alyssa say these things is only making it worse.

She stifles a laugh as her eyes meet mine again. “You think?”

I caress her cheek with my hand before I answer, feeling a pang of guilt hit my heart. “I know. Besides, you’ve got class. Willam’s just messy. She has nothing on you.”

“Baby, stop.” She whines playfully slapping me on the shoulder as I lean forward and plant my lips on hers, trying to kiss away any thoughts of Willam and every good memory of her. Who needs the bitch anyway? That tiring…slutty…obnoxious…childish…trashy…restless…messy…careless…care free…spunky…free-spirited…bright…charismatic Willam.