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wrestlingwiththoughts · 8 months

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Wrestling in 2023

A discussion group that I belong to conducts an annual poll of that year's high and low points of pro wrestling. That poll then gives out awards to recognize those highs and lows. These are the Carny Awards of 2023.

Best Male AEW Wrestler

**WINNER: Swerve Strickland: 48.1%** Bryan Danielson: 37% Orange Cassidy: 11% Jon Moxley: 3.7% "Hangman" Adam Page: 0% Maxwell Jacob Friedman: 0%

It was Swerve's year off of the Texas Deathmatch he had with Hangman at Full Gear, his showing in the Continental Classic, the incredible video of his and AR Fox's attack on Nick Wayne in his garage gym, and burying Keith Lee for refusing to do his job. I personally think Swerve's character is a bit all over the place, swerving from cartoonish villainy to getting cheers from the crowd. Danielson, supposedly in his last full active year in wrestling, made it one to remember with matches against Rush, MJF, Ricky Starks, Kazuchika Okada, Zack Sabre Jr., Eddie Kingston, and many more. Orange Cassidy held up AEW as best as he could with his International title reign, while Moxley remained the steady headliner.

Best Male WWE Superstar

**WINNER: Gunther: 74.1%** Sami Zayn: 11.1% Seth Freakin Rollins: 7.4% Brock Lesnar: 3.7% Roman Reigns: 3.7% Cody Rhodes: 0%

Gunther runs away with the category this year. He consistently delivers in the ring, and hopefully bigger things are in store for the Intercontinental Champion. Sami Zayn continued to ride the momentum from last year, but he’s receded into the background. Seth Freakin Rollins tries his best with the fake world title belt that is held hostage by Roman Reigns. Brock Lesnar did his thing with Cody earlier in the year. LOL Cody Rhodes.

Best Other Male Wrestler

**WINNER: Will Ospreay: 55.6%** Mistico: 14.8% Rocky Romero: 11.1% Alex Shelley: 7.4% Sanada: 7.4% Krule: 3.7%

Billy Sex Pig takes the category in his last year before he moves over to the AEW category for 2024. Given that he probably has the best match of 2023 in whatever company he worked in (NOAH, Impact, RevPro, 1PW, OTT, NJPW, and AEW), it’s well deserved. Mistico’s and Rocky Romero’s strong showings here reflect CMLL’s very good year. Alex Shelley was a surprisingly good main eventer for Impact, while Sanada tried his best with his buddies in NJPW. I’m glad that the Krule nominator got to vote for Krule.

Best Female AEW Wrestler

**WINNER: Hikaru Shida: 32.1%** “Timeless” Toni Storm: 25% Julia Hart: 21.4% Kris Statlander: 17.9% Emi Sakura: 3.6%

Hikaru Shida told the voters that anyone else winning the category wouldn’t work for her, brother. Going from the best wrestler in the Outcasts to working with Juice Robinson in NJPW Strong shows to embracing the Timeless Toni gimmick meant that Toni Storm’s 2023 was a land of contrasts. Love it or hate it, you’ll have to accept that Julia Hart is one of the bright spots of AEW’s women’s division along with Kris Statlander, who was the TBS Champion for most of the year. Emi Sakura was denied Queen and London, but she got some votes from this crowd.

Best Female WWE Superstar

**WINNER: Rhea Ripley: 51.9%** Iyo Sky: 18.5% Tiffany Stratton: 14.8% Becky Lynch: 7.4% Asuka: 3.7% Bianca Belair: 3.7%

People love Mami, as demonstrated by Rhea Ripley’s decisive win in this category. Iyo Sky won the Money in the Bank briefcase, the women’s title, and jumped off of a cage in a trash can this year, but she couldn’t win this category. Tiffany Stratton is the brightest prospect in NXT. Lynch, Asuka, and Belair all did various things in 2023.

Best Other Female Wrestler

**TIE: Athena and Giulia: 33.3%** Chihiro Hashimoto: 14.8% Tam Nakano: 11.1% Stephanie Vaquer: 7.4% Mercedes Mone: 0%

Putting Athena in this category was meant to reflect the fact that she was stuck unseen on ROH for most of the year except for her PPV matches against Willow Nightingale and Billie Starkz. Nonetheless, she was able to tie Giulia, the brightest star of Stardom. Chihiro Hashimoto continues to toil in relative obscurity in the joshi world, while 2023 was not Tam Time even though she beat Giulia at All-Star Queendom this year. Stephanie Vaquer is picking up titles and attention in CMLL. Mercedes Mone used up her health Flexible Spending Account this year due to injuries.

Best Tag Team

**TIE: The Astronauts (Fuminori Abe and Takuya Nomura), FTR (Cash Wheeler and Dax Harwood), Judgment Day (Finn Balor and Damien Priest), and The Gunns (Austin and Colten Gunn): 21.4%** M3K (Susumu Mochizuki and Yasushi Kanda): 10.7% ABC (Chris Bey and Ace Austin): 3.6%

One of the nominations lamented that it hasn’t been a great year for tag team wrestling, and a four-way tie for best tag team is a great indicator for that. The Astronauts are the best tag team in Japan outside of Dragongate, while Judgment Day is probably the best tag team in WWE.. The Gunns and FTR vie for that claim in AEW. M3K held the Twin Gates scene steady for most of 2023 in Dragongate, while ABC proved that the Bullet Club still had some life in them in Impact.

The "Hot Take" Most Overrated Wrestler of the Year

**WINNER: CM Punk: 37.9%** Maxwell Jacob Friedman: 27.6% Skye Blue: 20.7% Jey Uso: 6.9% Roman Reigns: 6.9% Carmelo Hayes: 0%

One Bill Phil’s controversial 2023 ends with the “Hot Take” Carny Award. MJF got the ball and all the rope he could hang himself with in 2023, and that ended disastrously for him (lost the title and now out injured). Skye Blue, for some reason, worked more matches in AEW than any other wrestler except for Orange Cassidy, whose gimmick this year was that all of his title defenses were wearing him down. Jey Uso couldn’t go to Canada for Elimination Chamber because of his DUIs, but he was able to wrestle one of Roman Reigns’s few singles matches in 2023. Carmelo Hayes is fine.

The "Drizzling Shits" Award for Worst On-Screen Performer

**TIE: Wardlow and Saraya: 22.2%** Adam Cole: 18.5% “Timeless” Toni Storm: 14.8% Skye Blue: 11.1% Maxwell Jacob Friedman: 11.1%

Wardlow seems like a shell of himself, and Saraya is one of the worst active wrestlers in a major company in 2023. Adam Cole is annoying during promos and boring in matches. Storm is wrestling to the Timeless Toni gimmick, which means that both her in-ring work and promos are now bad. Skye Blue’s persistent presence is a testament that thirst always wins, while MJF’s ideas and philosophy about what makes good professional wrestling were bad even though he had a great year in the ring.

Most Improved Wrestler

**TIE: The Gunns (Austin and Colten Gunn) and Julia Hart: 27.6%** Dominik Mysterio: 20.7% Shota Umino: 13.8% Yota Tsuji: 10.3% Chris Hero: 0%

The Gunns are now a respectable tag team, while Julia Hart is one of the bright spots in the AEW women’s roster. Dominik Mysterio benefits from WWE’s production team’s ability to make canned heat sound real. Two of the Reiwa Three Musketeers, Shota Umino and Yota Tsuji, impressed voters. Chris Hero came out of retirement to wrestle in 2023, so that’s an improvement over not wrestling in 2022.

The "Jim Ross" Award for Please Retire

**WINNER: Jim Ross: 27.6%** Tommy Dreamer: 20.7% Ric Flair: 20.7% Bully Ray: 13.8% Kevin Kelly: 13.8% Matt Hardy: 3.4%

Jim Ross wins his eponymous category this year, but Ric Flair and Tommy Dreamer aren’t far behind at all. Bully Ray somehow main evented in Impact this year, while Kevin Kelly was the Q-pilled voice of AEW Collision before he was demoted and pushed aside by Tony Schiavone. Matt Hardy is somehow still wrestling in 2023; judging by how Ric Flair, Tommy Dreamer, and Bully Ray are still on the list, one can assume that Hardy will still be here in years to come.

The "Tony Khan Forgets I Exist" Award for Most Underutilized Performer

**WINNER: Konosuke Takeshita: 34.5%** Willow Nightingale: 31% Pac: 17.2% Akira Tozawa: 6.9% Rush: 6.9% AR Fox: 3.4%

The fact that this category is dominated by AEW wrestlers is an indictment on who gets air time on Dynamite, Collision, and Rampage. Remember when Takeshita beat Kenny Omega in a singles match on a PPV? Remember when Nightingale had a great match with Athena? Remember Pac? Tozawa makes the best of his morsels in WWE, while Rush might have learned that the best way is to make no waves at work. AR Fox reportedly got on the company’s bad side over his passport issue prior to All Out, and he’s still in the dog house.

The "King Kong Bundy WrestleMania 2 to 3" Award for Biggest Fall from Grace

**WINNER: CM Punk: 34.5%** Wardlow: 24.1% Maxwell Jacob Friedman: 17.2% ROH: 17.2% Tom Lawlor: 6.9% Drew McIntyre: 0%

CM Punk returned from injury on a show that he was allowed to run, tried to start a feud with MJF, tried to get the Young Bucks to agree to an on-air feud with him, fought Jack Perry backstage at All Out, got fired from AEW, and slunk back to WWE because he had nowhere else to go to make the kind of salary that he wanted. Wardlow cooled off even before his injury, and the reaction to his return from injury has been anemic; using the same job matches that he had at the start of his last run doesn’t help. MJF’s flavor of ice cream turned out to taste like garbage waiting for collection on a summer day. ROH went from hot matches between FTR and the Briscoes to a cold, empty house at Final Battle 2023. Tom Lawlor has had the worst luck with matches in AEW and ROH. Drew McIntyre is fine.

Best Gimmick

**WINNER: Christian Cage: 71.4%** Swerve Strickland: 14.3% “Dirty” Dominik Mysterio: 7.1% Julia Hart, spooky witch: 3.6% CM Punk being insufferable: 3.6% Just 5 Guys: 0%

The Patriarchy is alive and well according to the Carny Award voters. Christian Cage was a consistent highlight for AEW in 2023, above Swerve Strickland, who came on strong with much help from Prince Nana and his dance. Dirty Dom is around, trying to pretend to be sleazy. Julia Hart is the de facto leader of the House of Black. I don’t think CM Punk being insufferable is a gimmick; that might just be how he is. LOL Just 5 Guys.

The "Bray Wyatt Is Sister Abigail" Award for Worst Gimmick

**WINNER: The Devil: 38.5%** “Timeless” Toni Storm: 23.1% The Brochachos: 19.2% Danhausen in general, specifically on X formerly known as Twitter: 7.7% The Acclaimed: 3.8% Skye Blue is now Spooky Skye Black: 3.8% “Neck Strong” Roderick Strong: 3.8%

MJF’s vision for professional wrestling dominated this category, with a combined 65.3% between The Devil, the Brochachos, “Neck Strong” Roderick Strong, and the Acclaimed, who were adjacent to MJF’s vision and still awful on their own. 60-years old Billy Gunn is the hardest pushed aspect of the Acclaimed, and the team’s gimmick needs to evolve. Evolving can go wrong, however, as seen in “Timeless” Toni Storm and spooky Skye Blue. Danhausen is an annoying presence in general, but he’s especially bad on X.

Geek of the Year

**WINNER: Kaito Kiyomiya: 51.7%** Lexis King: 24.1% Adam Cole: 13.8% Danhausen: 6.9% Akira Tozawa: 3.4% JD McDonaugh: 0%

Poor Kaito Kiyomiya. Sacrificed to Keiji Mutoh’s vanity and unloved in NOAH, he might be better off jumping to Dragongate or AJPW permanently. Lexis King declared that he would be different than his father by ripping off another of his father’s gimmicks, and his aesthetic choices are definitely choices one could make. Danhausen is a geek, and Tozawa is treated as a geek because he’s Asian and in WWE. Even the nominator for JD McDonaugh found him unworthy of a vote in this category, which might make him the biggest geek of all.

The "Jim Johnston" Award for Best Music

**WINNER: Swerve Strickland, “Big Pressure,” by Swerve Strickland featuring Flash Garments: 42.9%** The Gunns, “Many Men,” by 50 Cent: 14.3% Julia Hart, “Harder Hart”: 14.3% Shinsuke Nakamura, “The Rising Sun,” by CFO$: 10.7% TMDK, “Young Punks,” by Mass Lines: 10.7% Jamie Hayter, “Indignation”: 7.1%

I’d assume that voters did the Prince Nana dance while they voted for Swerve’s theme music. “Many Men” should be the Gunns’ permanent entrance theme. Julia Hart’s theme fits her well, while Nakamura’s theme remains bombastic. TMDK’s theme also fits them, and we all wish it will be Hayter Time soon.

Promotion of the Year

**TIE: WWE and CMLL: 25.9%** AEW: 18.5% AJPW: 11.1% World Wonder Ring Stardom: 11.1% NJPW: 7.4%

CMLL rightfully wins the promotion of the year category; what else can you say about a company that fills Arena Mexico every Friday and is doing well in Puebla and Guadalajara. WWE managed to tie this year based on a slightly improved product after officially installing Paul Levesque into the booker’s seat. AEW had some of the best shows of the year, but other issues knocked it to third. AJPW had a rebound year in 2023. Stardom was plagued by injuries, but it’s still going strong. NJPW has seen better days.

Best Event

**WINNER: AEW/NJPW Forbidden Door 2023: 37%** AEW All In 2023: 22.2% CMLL 90th Anniversary Show: 18.5% WWE SummerSlam: 11.1% AEW Wrestle Dream 2023: 7.4% AEW Revolution 2023: 3.7%

Even though AEW and NJPW felt like they had down years, their collaboration bore fruit in Forbidden Door 2023, highlighted by the Bryan Danielson vs. Kazuchika Okada, Kenny Omega vs. Will Ospreay, and CM Punk vs. Satoshi Kojima matches. All In 2023 at Wembley placed second despite its whimpering ending that involved Adam Cole and MJF. The CMLL 90th Anniversary Show peaked higher with the Volador Jr. vs. Angel de Oro hair vs. hair match and the Templario vs. Dragon Rojo Jr. mask vs. mask match, but I personally would have picked the Night of Champions show from September 29. Reigns vs. Uso headlined SummerSlam. Wrestle Dream gave us Zack Sabre Jr. vs. Danielson, and Revolution gave us MJF vs. Danielson and Moxley vs. Hangman in a Texas Deathmatch.

The "WWE Promotes Murderous Dictatorships" Award for Angle That Made You Ashamed To Be A Wrestling Fan

**WINNER: Somehow, Vince McMahon returned.: 42.9%** Ric Flair joins AEW: 21.4% Adam Cole and MJF’s Brochachos storyline, including the Roderick Strong parts: 14.3% NJPW Strong books Fred Rosser to kiss Toni Storm without her consent during his match against Juice Robinson: 10.7% CM Punk gets himself fired from AEW and signs with WWE: 7.1% Juice Robinson threatens to use a roll of quarters against MJF: 3.6%

Though Vince McMahon had retired in disgrace from WWE, he held controlling shares of the stock, so it wasn’t shocking when he pressed this leverage to install some cronies to the board and return to power. Tony Khan insists that AEW is getting paid to use Ric Flair, but just because you’re getting paid doesn’t mean that you have to do the thing. Remember when MJF and Adam Cole went to Outback Steakhouse and carried an inflatable crocodile around to prepare for their match against Aussie Open? NJPW Strong thought that having a gay Black man kiss a white woman against her will to distract her husband during the men’s match was a good idea. CM Punk did it again in 2023. MJF also thought it was a good idea to tap into rise in antisemitism in the US with his angle.

Gif of the Year

**WINNER: Hikaru Shida: “That doesn’t work for me, brother.”: 51.7%** Christian Cage: “Go fuck yourself.” 27.6% Prince Nana’s dance: 13.8% The lads on the Briscoes’ chicken farm: 3.4% Jon Moxley on commentary: 3.4% CM Punk on why he’s back in WWE: 0%

Once again, Shida Hogan told the booker that she’s not doing the job. Christian Cage’s anti-dead dad gimmick became something more when he became the father that everyone deserves. Prince Nana’s dance is delightful. The sight of Jay Lethal, Satnam Singh, Sonjay Dutt, Jeff Jarrett, Mark Briscoe, and a baby working on the Briscoes’ farm was wholesome. Moxley earned many fines on commentary. Nobody cares about why Punk is back in WWE.

"What a Maneuver!" Award for Coolest Move/Dive

**WINNER: El Hijo del Vikingo’s 630 senton: 25%** Mascara Dorada’s cutter over the barricade: 17.9% Neon’s triple jump moonsault: 14.3% Brody King’s Cradle Shock: 14.3% Logan Paul and Ricochet collide in mid-air: 14.3% Mirai Maiumi’s lariat: 10.7% The Creeds’ Cannonball Dive: 3.6%

The best flips are in the world of lucha libre, but it’s cool to see a nice lariat like Mirai Maiumi’s. Brody King’s Cradle Shock looks great, and it’s still fun to see big guys like the Creeds fly.

The "I'm Marking Out, Bro" Legit Shook Moment of the Year

**WINNER: Bryan Danielson comes out to “The Final Countdown” at Forbidden Door 2023: 31%** CM Punk is back in WWE: 27.6% Cody Rhodes loses at WrestleMania, gets hit with a thrown rubber chicken intended for Roman Reigns: 20.7% Shun Skywalker betrays Diamante and causes Diamante to lose his mask: 17.2% Sanada beats Okada for the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship: 3.4% Jay White’s debut in AEW: 0%

After all this time and all the talk about how expensive it was to license the song, Tony Khan brought out the checkbook for Danielson’s entrance in his match against Okada at Forbidden Door. Punk returned to WWE after burning his AEW bridge. Cody Rhodes couldn’t #FinishTheStory, and insult was added to injury when the rubber chicken landed. The most compelling villain in professional wrestling, Shun Skywalker, stunned fans when he turned on his squadmate Diamante during the Mask Vs. Mask Steel Cage Five Way Survival match at Dragongate Kobe Pro-Wrestling Festival 2023. Sanada was able to finish the story by beating Okada for the top prize in NJPW. People continue to Breed with the Switchblade to this day.

#pro wrestling #wrestling #puroresu #puro #lucha libre #njpw #tna wrestling #will ospreay #tna #impact wrestling #aew #all elite wrestling #dragongate #wwe #nxt #cmll

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charmixpower · 2 years

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Bonus faries first time achieving magic Winx:

Diaspro

Big late bloomer. Like Bloom levels of bad but without the fine magical development in the background. Girls magic is capital F fucked

Turns out being raised and trained to be a wife with no consideration of her feelings wants and desires completely ruins her chances of her magic developing properly. Her magic is terribly weak at first. That's the main reason she ran to Sky when Bloom attacked her. She was genuinely really scared and she's not magically powerful so she knew there was no winning that fight. She panicked and ran to someone she thought could help

She probably transforms after getting a lot of shit for not having transformed all these years despite never being given the time or space to connect with her magic properly and any emotional outbursts that usually set off magic are tamped down. She gets really really upset and eventually transforms bc the upset turns into magic

It's a very sucky experience for Diaspro

Chimera

Late bloomer

Chimera transformed a couple months after bonding with what would eventually become Chimera's Lolita fashion squad. Chimera hadn't really had the chance to express herself all that much before due to her mother, which really fucked up her magic

After she became friends with the first two members of this squad, and the fourth member joined them and Chimera started dressing exclusively in Lolita fashion, they learned she had never transformed they all decided to sit down and help Chimera transform for the first time

This probably happens sometime in s2 or really early in s3

Anyways these four are super super close and care a lot about the eachother and are low key inseparable

Daphne

Despite being Daphne the Nymph, Daphne was actually a bit of a late bloomer when it came to magic. Namely because she was interested in them it till she was older because all of her tutors we're stuffy and didn't let her do anything fun with her magic (Daphne was kinda a party, head strong, very reckless girl. Her definition of fun is a little on the dangerous side lol)

Anyway when she got older and started the proper amount of teenage mischief, and realized she could do more of that with her magic she kinda just speed ran most of her missing magical development... Turns out she was a once in a lifetime prodigy, who knew, said the poor fool watching Daphne wrestle a dragon

Nabu

A lot like Stella, in that he's an early bloomer that has a talent for magic that he spent a while training to transform

I like to hc that Nabu is actually being raised by his uncle/aunt or something because one of his parents is widowed immediately after he was born and couldn't take care of him emotionally (or something like that)...instead of his parents just ditching him to the security team

Anyways Nabu instantly shows off his base from to his aunt/uncle and they're like "holy shit, your a fucking prodigy kid! Wanna get like a personal teacher and a fuck ton of magic books?" And Nabu was like "boy!! Do I!!!"

Nabu really really likes magic mechanics and thinks it's cool and his teacher thinks he's an adorable little headache because he asks way to many fucking questions

#winx club #winx diaspro #winx chimera #winx daphne #winx nabu #rus chatters #winx headcanons #magic winx #rus has ideas

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goatpaste · 2 years

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Has Jojo!Sammi met any other stand users from the canon???

mmm hard to say, part because my brains like embarrassed by the idea of shoving my ocs into canon characters lives, which is silly to an extent lol, and part I havent seen all of jojo yet so idk them all,,

and part of idk if they would!

I have a vague idea for my jojo sammi's lil background and story of like. Being a regular gimmick wrestler who loVEs to fight, then along comes some fucker who see's this big talking show off rowdy boy and goes, oh I HAVE to make him a stand user, I nEED to see this guy acting uP. Which then there's just this wrestler with a huge invisible ghost with him in regular ppl wrestling and he begins to get bored. he loves fighting but he barely has too do anything to win anymore, the only good part is using radio star to perform stupid and even dangerous stunts and moves. So along comes this guy, probably the guy who made him a stand user and is like, hey you love fighting dont you, you stupid pathetic lil guy huh? ofc ofc yES he is. Leading to him being invited into this underground stand user based wrestling ring. Its a lot more violent and less rules, more just letting stand users go ape shit on each other. Radio Star and their user just DOMINATE the scene, their well loved by the crowd and mostly by their boss. Basically coming a lap/guard dog to this guy who runs the who shady ass business. very loyal to them, but mostly only doing work in the fighting ring, once in awhile having to “gopher work” by put the occasional someone "in their place" when their causing problems at their businesses or someone's getting too nosy about how their running stuff, ect, ect. My stand user maybe being a lil purposefully naïve to how kinda dangerous and shady their business is, but he loves fighting and he loves being useful and given task he can complete, and his a job in the fighting ring on a fair playing field where people cheer for him, LOVE him and he can run around showing off his stupid lil moves and the people want MOre. I imagine if any intervention happened between my stand user and any jojo character is be based on getting to their boss who is making and using stand users for their fighting rings and other businesses and Radio Star being this good hearted but loyal cog in the machine, more than certain to get killed off.

BUT beside all that rambling since I dont really have a real answer, so heres a bonus differentish answer of, I really liked DIO in part 1, he was my favorite of p1. was just talking about him in a call with friends the other night.

and I claimed I’d love to sit and watch saturday morning slapstick violent cartoons like tom and jerry with him :) just me and my ugly yellow buddy DIO

#long post #jojo #jjba #dio brando #my ocs #radio star #im sure its already been noticed but just for the sake of it being easier to tag #i just tag the stand and user under radio star togeather #the sammi tag belongs to my fursona lol #mac

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hamliet · 3 years

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The Crows Summon the Sun

Or, Hamliet’s review of Shadow & Bone, which gets a 4.5/5 for enjoyment and a 3.5/5 in terms of writing.

The true heroes of this story and the saviors of the show are the Crows. However, the problem is that the show then has an uneven feel, because the strength of the Crows plotline highlights the weaknesses of the trilogy storyline. But imo, overall, the strengths overshadow (#punintended) the weaknesses.

I’ll divide the review into the narrative and the technical (show stuff, social commentary), starting with narrative.

Narrative: The Good

It’s What The Crows Deserve

I went into the show watching it for the Crows; however, knowing that their storyline was intended to be a prequel, I wasn’t terribly optimistic. And while it is a prequel, the characters have complete and full arcs that perfectly set them up for the further development they will have in the books (which I think should be the next season?). Instead of retreading the arcs they’d have in the books, which is how prequels usually go, they had perfect set up for these arcs. It’s really excellent.

Jesper, Inej, and Kaz are all allowed to be flawed, to have serious conflicts with one another, and yet to love each other. They feel like a found family in the best of ways. Kaz is the perfect selfish rogue; he’s a much more successfully executed Byronic hero than the Darkling, actually. Inej is heroic and her faith is not mocked, yet she too is flawed and her choices are not always entirely justified, but instead left to the audience to ponder (like killing the girl), which is a more mature writing choice that I appreciated.

Jesper is charming, has a heart of gold despite being a murderer and on the surface fairly greedy, and MILO THE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT GOAT WAS THE BEST THING EVER. I also liked Jesper’s fling with Dima but I felt it could be better used rather than merely establishing his sexuality, like if Jesper and Dima had seen each other one more time or something had come of their tryst for the plot/themes/development of Jesper.

Nina and Matthias’s backstory being in the first season, instead of in flashbacks, really works because it automatically erases any discomfort of the implications of Nina having falsely accused Matthias that the books start with. We know Nina, we know Matthias, we know their motivations, backgrounds, and why they feel the way we do. It’ll be easy for the audience to root for them without a lot of unnecessary hate springing from misunderstanding Nina (since she’s my favorite). Matthias’s arc was also really strongly executed and satisfyingly tragic. Their plotline was a bit unfortunately disconnected from the rest of the story, but Danielle Gallagan and Callahan Skogman have absolutely sizzling chemistry so I found myself looking forward to their scenes instead of feeling distracted. Also? It’s nice seeing a woman with Nina’s body type as a romantic and powerful character.

Hamliet Likes Malina Now

Insofar as the trilogy storyline goes, the best change the show made was Mal. He still is the same character from the books, but much more likable. The pining was... a lot (too much in episode 4, I felt) but Malina is a ship I actually enjoyed in the show while I NOTP’d it in the books. Mal has complexity and layers to his motivations (somewhat) and a likable if awkward charm. Archie Renaux was fantastic.

Ben Barnes is the perfect Aleksandr Kirigan, and 15 year old me, who had the biggest of big crushes on Ben Barnes (first celebrity crush over a decade ago lol), was pretty damn happy lol. He’s magnificantly acted--sympathetic and terrifying, sincerely caring and yet villainous in moments. Story-wise, I think it was smart to reveal his name earlier on than in the books, because it helps with the humanization especially in a visual medium like film. Luda was a fitting (if heartbreaking) backstory, but it is also hard for me to stomach knowing what the endgame of his character is. Like... I get the X-men fallacy thing, but I hope the show gives more kindness to his character than the books did, yet I’m afraid to hold my breath. Just saying that if you employ save the cat, if you directly say you added this part (Luda) to make the character more likable (as the director did) please do not punish the audience for feeling what you intended.

I also liked the change that made Alina half-Shu. It adds well to her arc and fits with her character, actually giving her motivations (she kinda just wants to be ordinary in a lot of ways) a much more interesting foundation than in the books. Also it’s nice not to have another knock-off Daenerys (looking to you Celaena and book!Alina). Jessie Mei Li does a good job playing Alina’s insecurities and emotions, but...

Narrative: The Ehhhhhhh

Alina the Lamp

Sigh. Here we go. Alina has little consistent characterization. She’s almost always passive when we see her, yet she apparently punches an officer for calling her a name and this seems to be normal for her, but it doesn’t fit at all with what we know about her thus far. Contradictions are a part of humanity, but it’s never given any focus, so it comes across as inconsistent instead of a flaw or repression.

I have no idea what Alina wants, beside that she wants to be with Mal, which is fine except I have no idea what the basis of their bond is. Even with like, other childhood friends to lovers like Ren/Nora in RWBY or Eren/Mikasa in SnK, there’s an inciting moment, a reason, that we learn very early on in their story to show us what draws them together. Alina and Mal just don’t have that. There’s the meadow/running away thing, but they were already so close, and why? Why, exactly? What brought them together? The term “bullies” is thrown around but it isn’t ever explored and it needed to be this season. If I have to deal with intense pining for so many episodes at least give me a foundation for their devotion. You need to put this in the beginning, in the first season. You just do.

A “lamp” character is a common metaphor to describe a bad character: essentially, you could replace the character with a lamp and nothing changes. Considering Alina’s gift is light, it’s a funnily apt metaphor, but it really does apply. Her choices just don’t... matter. She could be a special lamp everyone is fighting over and almost nothing would change. The ironic thing is that everyone treating her like a fancy lamp is exactly the conflict, but it’s never delved into. We’re never shown that Alina is more than a lamp. She never has to struggle because her choices are made for her and information is gifted to her when she needs it. Not making choices protects Alina from consequences and the story gives her little incentive to change that; in fact, things tend to turn out better when she doesn’t make choices (magic stags will arrive).

Like... let’s look at a few occasions when Alina almost or does make choices. For example, she chooses to (it seems) sleep with Kirigan, but then there’s a convenient knock at the door and Bhagra arrives with key information that changes Alina’s mind instantly despite the fact that Bhagra’s been pretty terrible to her. If you want to write a woman realizing she’s been duped by a cruel man, show her discovering it instead of having the man’s abusive mother tell her when she had absolutely no such suspicions beforehand. There’s no emotional weight there because Alina doesn’t struggle.

When she is actually allowed to carry out a bad choice, the consequences are handwaved away instead of built into a challenge for her. Like... Alina got her friends killed. More than once. I’m not saying she’s entirely to blame for these but could we show her reacting to it? Feeling any sort of grief? She never mentions Raisa or Alexei after they’re gone, just Mal, and I’m... okay. They were there because of you. Aren’t you feeling anything? Aren’t you sad? The only time Alina brings up her friends’ deaths is to tell Kirigan he killed her friends when they were only there because she burned the maps. She yells at Kirigan for “never” giving her a choice, but she almost never makes any, so why would he? Alina has the gall to lecture Genya about choices, but she herself almost never has to make any.

Which brings me to another complaint in general: Alina’s lack of care for everyone around her when they’re not Mal, even if they care for her. Marie dies because of her (absolutely not her fault of course) but as far as we know she never even learns about Marie. She certainly doesn’t ever ask about her or Nadia. Alina seems apathetic at best to people, certainly not compassionate or kind.

The frustrating thing is that there is potential here. Like, it actually makes a lot of psychological sense for an orphan who has grown up losing to be reluctant to care for people outside of her orbit and that she would struggle to believe she can have any say in her destiny (ie make choices). It’s also interesting that a girl who feels like an outsider views others outside her. But the show never offers examines Alina’s psychology with any depth; it simply tells us she’s compassionate when she is demonstrably not, it tells us she makes decisions when it takes magical intervention to do so. It’s a missed opportunity. This does not change between episodes 1 and 8, despite the episodes’ parallel structures and scenes, which unintentionally reinforces that Alina had little real development.

Inej and ironically Jesper and Kaz embody the concept of “mercy” far better and with far more complexity than Alina does. The Crows have reactions to the loss of people who even betray them (Arken, etc), learn, and course-correct (or don’t) when they are even loosely involved in having strangers die. They’re good characters because they change and learn and have their choices matter. When they kill we see them wrestle with it and what this means even if they are accustomed to doing so. Jesper can’t kill in front of a child. Kaz wonders what his killings do to Inej’s idea of him.

Narrative: The Mixed Bag

Tropes, Themes, Telling vs. Showing

So the show’s themes in the Alina storyline are a mess, as they are in the trilogy too. Tropes are a very valuable way to show your audience what you’re trying to say. They’re utilized worldwide because they resonate with people and we know what to expect from them. The Crows' storyline shows us what it wants us to learn.

Preaching tells, and unfortunately, the trilogy relies on telling/preaching against fornicationBad Boys. It’s your right to write any trope or trample any trope you want--your story--but you should at least understand what/why you are doing so. The author clearly knows enough about Jungian shadows and dark/light yin/yang symbolism to use it in the story, but then just handwaves it away as “I don’t like this” but never does so in a narratively effective way: addressing the appeal in the first place. If you really wanna deconstruct a trope, you gotta empathize with the core of the reason these tropes appeal to people (it allays deep fears that we are ourselves unlovable, through loving another person despite how beastly they can be), and address this instead of ignoring it. Show us a better way through the Fold of your story. Don’t just go around it and ignore the issue.

The trilogy offers highly simplistic themes at best--bad boy bad and good boy good, which is fine-ish for kid lit but less fine for adult complexity, which the show (more so than the books) seems to try to push despite not actually having much of it.

Alina and Mal are intended to be good, we’re told they are, but I’m not sure why beyond just that we’re told so. Alina claims the stag chose her, but in the show it’s never explained why at all. Unlike with Kaz, Inej, Jesper, and hell even Matthias and Nina, we don’t see Alina or Mal’s complex choices and internal wrestling.

Like, Inej’s half-episode where she almost killed the guy they needed was far more character exploration than Alina has the entire show, to say nothing of Inej’s later killing which not only makes her leaps and bounds more interesting, but ironically cements her as a far more compelling and yes, likable, heroine than Alina. We see Inej’s emotional and moral conflict. We can relate to her. We see Kaz struggling with his selfishness and regrets, with his understanding of himself through his interactions with and observations of Inej, Alina, the Darkling, Arken, and Jesper.

We don’t explore what makes Mal or Alina good and what makes them bad. We don’t know what Alina discovers about herself, what her power means for her. We are told they are good, we are told she knows her power is hers, but never shown what this means or what this costs them/her. Their opportunities to be good are handed to them (the stag, Bhagra) instead of given to them as a challenge in which they risk things, in which doing good or making a merciful choice costs them. Alina gets to preach about choices without ever making any; Inej risks going back to the Menagerie to trust Kaz. Her choices risk. They cost. They matter and direct her storyline and her arc, and those of the people around her.

Production Stuff:

The Good:

The production overall is quite excellent. The costumes, pacing, acting, and cinematography (for example, one of the earliest scenes between the Darkling and Alina has Alina with her back to the light, face covered in his shadow, while the Darkling’s face is light up by her light even if he stands in the shadows) are top-notch. The soundtrack as well is incredible and emphasizes the scenes playing. The actors have great chemistry together, friend chemistry and romantic when necessary (Mal and Alina, the Darkling and Alina, Kaz and Inej, Nina and Matthias, David and Genya, etc.) All are perfectly cast.

The Uncomfortable Technicalities Hamliet Wants to Bitch About:

The only characters from fantasy!Europe having any trace of an accent reminiscent of said fantasy country's real-world equivalent are antagonists like Druskelle (Scandinavia) and Pekka (Ireland). When the heroes mostly have British accents despite being from fantasy Russia and Holland, it is certainly A Choice to have the Irish accent emphasized. The actor is British by the way, so I presume he purposely put on an Irish accent. I'm sure no one even considered the potential implications of this but it is A Look nonetheless.

The Anachronisms Hamliet Has a Pet Peeve About:

The worldbuilding is compelling, but the only blight on the worldbuilding within the story itself (ignoring context) was that there are some anachronisms that took me out of the story, particularly in the first episode where “would you like to share with the class” and “saved by the horn” are both used. Both are modern-day idioms in English that just don’t fit, especially the latter. The last episode uses “the friends we made along the way.” There are other modern idioms as well.

IT’S STARKOVA and Other Pet Peeves Around the Russian Portrayal

Russian names are not hard, and Russian naming systems are very, very easy to learn. I could have waved “Starkov” not being “Starkova,” “Nazyalensky” not being “Nazyalenskaya,” and “Safin” not being “Safina” as an American interpretation (since in America, the names do not femininize). However, “Mozorova” as a man is unfathomable and suggests to me the author just doesn’t understand how names work, which is a bit... uh okay considering a simple google search gets you to understand Russian names. They aren’t hard. I cannot understand why the show did not fix this. It is so simple to fix and would be a major way to help the story’s overall... caricature of Russia.

Speaking of that... Ravka is supposedly Russian-based, but it is more accurately based on the stereotypes of what Americans think of Russia. Amerussia? Russica? Not great.

The royals are exactly what Americans think of the Romanovs, right down to the “greasy” “spiritual advisor” who is clearly Rasputin and which ignores the Romanov history, very real tragedy, and the reason Rasputin was present in the court. The religion with all its saints is a vapid reflection of Russian Orthodoxy. The military portrayal with its lotteries and brutality and war is how the US views the Russian military. The emphasis on orphans, constant starvation, classification, and children being ripped from their homes to serve the government is a classic US understanding of USSR communism right down to the USSR having weapons of destruction the rest of the world fears (Grisha). Not trying to defend the Soviet Union here at all, but it is simplistic and reductive and probably done unconsciously but still ehhhh.

However, I’m not Russian. I just studied Russian literature. I’ve seen very little by way of discussion of this topic online, but what I do see from Russian people has been mixed--some mind, some don’t. The reality is that I actually don’t really mind this because it’s fantasy, though I see why some do. I'm not like CANCEL THIS. So why am I talking about this beyond just having a pet peeve?

Well, because it is a valid critique, and because it doesn’t occur in a vacuum. The Grishaverse is heralded as an almost paragon for woke Young Adult literature, which underlines itself what so frustrates me about how literary circles discuss issues of diversity and culture. Such praise, while ignoring its quasi-caricature of Russia, reflects a very ethnocentric (specifically American) understanding of culture, appropriation, and representation. All stories are products of their culture to various extents, but it bothers me on principle what the lit community reacts (and overreacts sometimes?) to and what people give a pass to. The answer to what the community reacts to and what it gives a pass always pivots on how palatable the appropriation is to American understandings and sensibilities. There’s nuance here as well, though.

I'm not cancelling the story or thinking it should be harshly attacked for this, but it is something that can be discussed and imo should be far more often--but with the nuance it begs, instead of black/white. But that’s a tall ask.

#s&b #hamliet reviews #shadow and bone #six of crows #kanej #jesper fahey #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #alina starkov #malyen oretsev #the darkling #darklina #malina #aleksander kirigan #netflix shadow and bone #s&b review

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lo-frequency · 3 years

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Bakusquad + Todoroki Pet Headcanons!

Just some hc’s of what pets I think the boys would have and how they’d treat them. This is definitely a crack post 💀

Bakugou

-A bulldog, named Killer. Killer the Great Explosion Murder Dog to be exact.

-He’s an all white bulldog with a little spike collar around his neck. The alternative is a collar with a fake grenade attached, usually used when Bakugou takes him out in public.

-Killer also has a harness with the little flare attachments on each side like on Bakugou’s mask.

-Despite his name (and what Bakugou wants you to believe), Killer is as sweet as they come. “C’mere, Killer!” Bakugou calls him, smacking his leg and you’re expecting this absolute menace to come charging down the hall. Instead, Killer’s stocky self comes trotting out of Bakugou’s room with his tongue hanging out of his mouth and his lil’ tail nub wagging.

-Bakugou’s like “I’ve been training him to be an attack dog” and Killer only runs like a few feet from the house before stopping, opting to lay down and roll over for a belly rub.

-Don’t be fooled by all his tough talk, Bakugou most certainly spoils Killer, that’s exactly why he’s so lazy. His days consist of begging for treats and pretending not to understand Bakugou’s instructions. Not to mention that he has a big, memory foam dog bed, gets fed real food, and Katsuki takes him for 2 walks a day, everyday.

-Pats him roughly, but Killer is one of those dogs who likes slaps on the butt so he doesn’t mind lol. They play rough too, and at any given time Bakugou can be found rolling around the floor, play wrestling with Killer.

-Imagine if he posted tiktoks of Killer and people started trolling him like “Killer is slow, my dog can run faster than him” “Killer is overweight” “He can’t even run down the street”

-Bakugou truly believes Killer can do everything he says about him, and gets offended if you even insinuate otherwise. He would get mad at all the haters in the comments, clapping back at them like “I know you’re not talking with that lil’ rat dog in your profile pic” and he’d challenge them to races in the local dog parks so he can defend Killer’s reputation 💀. Well, one person actually accepted so now Bakugou has to train Killer for his first race.

-And then when he posts videos of him and Killer exercising, people are like “You’re pushing him too hard” “Poor Killer” “Stop forcing him to exercise” He just can’t win 🤷🏾‍♀️.

-Denki comes over and exposes him like “Killer’s been training alright, training his jaws” while filming Bakugou passing Killer food under the table.

-“Where’s Killer?” “He’s training in the pool right now.” “In the pool? Dude, you know bulldogs can’t swim, right?” “Well my Killer swims all the time!” And his friends rush to his backyard to see Killer lazily paddling around Bakugou’s pool with a floaty fitted on his little body lol.

-Killer loves him some Katsuki. He would be so clingy with him, following him everywhere he goes in the house, to the point where Bakugou has almost tripped over Killer several times. He has to close the door or put a baby gate up so he won’t interrupt him and all you hear in the background is Killer howling at the door.

-Killer fan cams, lmaoo

-Katsuki goes live and all people are asking about is Killer, and all the donations are “Killer’s Treat Fund” “Feed Killer on Camera” “Give him a belly rub”

-Bakugou never should’ve showed Killer on social media, it’s his account now 💀

Todoroki

-I can see Shoto with beta fish, but he wouldn’t know that you can’t put two males in the same tank.

-So one day, he comes home from work and sees that one of his fish is,,,not alive.

-Shoto quickly puts two and two together after seeing that the other beta fish is a little injured too, and he is absolutely horrified.

-After he cleans up the mess, he just looks at the survivor fish. Shoto can’t help but feel contempt toward him. He’s a murderer, he killed his other fish.

-From then on, Shoto does not like the survivor fish. He still takes care of him, but out of duty as his owner, only 😒.

-People on social media ask him what his fish’s name is. “He doesn’t have a name.”

-And then he makes a post like “Some of you have asked me why my fish doesn’t have a name. It’s because I don’t like him. He’s a murderer.” (Y’all, please 💀)

-People start calling him Killer Fish and Bakugou comments that there can only be one Killer, and that’s his dog.

Kirishima

-A turtle. He’d have one of those turtles with the raised horns/spikes on its shell and his name would be Tank.

-So Kiri thinks Tank the Turtle is the toughest little dude around, and often posts videos of him swimming or walking around outside.

-He’s like “You know, I think he’s faster than most turtles.” “How do you know that?” He shrugs, watching Tank with a grin “I can just tell, I mean look at him, he’s going!” And Tank is chugging along the ground at a good .002 mph.

-He’d have Tank on his back as he does push ups or on his chest as he lifts weights. “What number are we on Tank? 100? Alright, 100 more to go!”

-Kiri would make videos of Tank doing tricks, like knocking down a wall of tiny styrofoam bricks or climbing over a little ramp he made. He’s cheering for him the whole time, and he gets a treat after. “That was so manly, Tank!! Good boy!”

-Yes, a turtle can be manly too.

Denki

-A guinea pig, mostly blonde except a little black mark on her head, just like Denki. And you guessed it…he named her Pikachu.

-Denki is enamored with her for the first couple days, carrying her everywhere with him and constantly posting her on his social media. He couldn’t wait to get home from work so he could play with her and feed her little bits of lettuce.

-She seems to adore him too, hardly moving when he pets her so she can maximize his attention as much as possible, and jumping on his lap whenever he takes her out of the cage.

-He holds her up to the camera like “What can I say? The ladies love me. Isn’t that right, Pikachu?”

-She’s so cute that he doesn’t question how her cage seems to pop open by itself sometimes, or how she sometimes nios at his fingers if he holds her for too long.

-The unfortunate truth is that Pikachu cannot stand Denki 💀. Idk what he did, maybe it’s the way he smells, maybe it’s his voice, idk, but she is trying her best to stay away from him.

-The cage doesn’t pop open by itself, Pikachu has figured out how to escape, so now Denki regularly comes home to an empty cage and he has to track her down to put her back.

-“Day 3 of missing Pikachu. This is what come home to everyday, guys” and he flips the camera to show bits of food and guinea pig droppings scattered all over the place. Her little squeaks haunt him at night, but he knows he won’t be able to find her.

-He has such a hard time finding her, and he swears she teases him by squeaking nearby, then running somewhere he can’t get her.

-He’s on live and people try to give him advice but none of it works. Pikachu rushes past the screen behind him and they tell him to look. Denki abandons his live to chase after Pikachu and you just hear crashing and yelling in the background.

-When he comes back, he’s in his ‘fried’ mode and people are like wtf happened 💀

-He managed to put her back in the cage, but he had to end the live early.

(Can y’all imagine being jealous of a guinea pig? 😔) Thanks for tuning in! :)

#bnha headcanons #bakugou headcanons #todoroki headcanons #kirishima headcanons #denki headcanons #bnha x reader #denki kaminari #shoto todoroki #todoroki shoto #bakugo katsuki #bnha crack #todoroki shouto #bakugou katsuki #kirishima eijirou

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moral-turpitudes · 4 years

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A Sister’s Intuition:

A/N: The gif has nothing to do with this one. It just made me chuckle cuz this most certainly has fighting.

Also, this is a weird mix of Arthur actually killing the church dude, but instead of Linda trying to shoot him right after like in the show, this story is like the event that causes her to go off the rails and try to shoot him (and fictionally, Y/N lol can you imagine). So this, in my fucked up mind, is the calm before the storm that is the lovely Linda with a gun.

Trigger Warnings: Fighting obviously, Mentions of Blood, Angst, Family Drama?, Cheating, Taunting, Swearing.

Word Count: 2,114

Characters: Shelby Family x Shelby!Sister Reader

Requested: Yes, well it was suggested but still. Long story short I have a bone to pick with my brothers gf and this was cathartic.

Request by: Anon, you can find it here.

Summary: Linda is being Linda and Y/N can’t stand her messing with her brother Arthur’s head another day. She just snaps. People and their feelings get hurt. Nothing like a nice bloody family dinner at the Shelby-Gray household.

Y/N’s skin crawled as she heard the voice of the woman downstairs. Her heart racing and fists clenching as she heard the half-hearted laughs and forceful exchange of pleasantries that were painstakingly muttered by the rest of the Shelby family.

As she smoothed out her dress, she heard Polly calling for her, surely to help with setting the table for dinner. With shaking hands she opened her door, her eldest brother Arthur’s laugh echoing through the lavish house as she made her way down the stairs.

“Y/N, nice of you to join us.” Thomas said, patting her on the shoulder as she sulked to the kitchen, avoiding Linda’s ever-judgmental gaze.

“I’ll set the table.” She said, Polly nodding at her with an annoyed expression as she glanced out into the dining room. The feeling fortunately seeming mutual.

“How’s the farm treating you brother? Having fun with the baby?” Ada asked, as Karl reached for one of the rolls in the basket Y/N was setting down.

“It’s good, quiet.” He said, his eyes looking tired and emotionless as the years went by.

“Don’t eat too much now, you won’t want dinner sweetheart.” Ada said, giving him a warning glance as Y/N silently set the table, glancing at Arthur’s troubled state. Thomas couldn’t help but notice his youngest sisters rage as she harshly set the silverware down, especially the knives.

It had been two years since the first conflict between her and Linda. The whole thing starting as Linda slowly brainwashed Arthur. No one really noticed at first, how she sunk her claws into him. How he’d stop his excessive use of cocaine, or his anger fueled drunken rampages on a dime. How he’d mess up on missions, putting them at risk. Or how he started asking Linda for permission to go places and her ordering him to be home at certain times when on business. No one noticed that while some of his habits were best left in the past, he was also leaving part of himself. The part of him that she knew and grew up with. The part that smiled and joked. The part that didn’t question himself and his worth on a daily basis. This was how she pulled him in, and he was forever tied to her now. Seeing as their 1 year old sat in his lap, giggly and oblivious to the pressures and expectations he’d be raised on years later whether Arthur wanted him to be or not.

The big blow up between them though, was when Y/N learned she cheated. If she inherited one good thing in life from the Shelby family it was her intuition. Her ability to sense when a person meant harm. Her ability to know when someone was nothing more than a snake. A soul-sucking, venomous snake.

The night she found out, she made sure Arthur was alright, or at least alive, knowing how he could spiral at any given moment. That was one thing about growing up around a dysfunctional family. Knowing when the others needed help, and knowing when to help set others straight. And he had seemed okay, at least until a few days later.

That same week Arthur killed the man she’d cheated on him with, going down a dark spiral as he grappled with his sins. His eyes brimming with tears and hands stained red as he walked into the house unannounced, nearly giving Polly a heart attack.

Y/N remembering how she sat him down and wiped the tears from his eyes and blood from his busted knuckles as he stared at her.

“These are the hands of a devil, Y/N...how can I be saved like this?” He asked through tears.

“Don’t ask how god can save you. Ask how you can save yourself.” She said, wrapping his hands in gauze.

“What?” He asked, confused. The tears streamed down his face as she urged him to drink a glass of water, given he was already in a drunken state.

“You have to save yourself, Arthur. I can’t do it for you. Linda cheated on you yeah? Well it’s not the first time she’s hurt you. No one else can really see it...not even you...but I can...She’s made you into someone you’re not. You may need to slow it on the drinking and drugs, and get your anger in check, but you don’t have to completely ruin yourself over some words in a book or some girl alright? I want my brother back...” She said giving him a strong hug. She wasn’t known for talking much, always preferring to stay in the background and being quiet, but she threw insults and plans around in her head just like Thomas. But when she did say something, people listened.

The day after Arthur attacked Linda’s lover, she decided to meet with her at her house. The rain pouring down as she made her way up the winding dirt roads, her thoughts running through her mind as she reluctantly stepped inside the farmhouse.

“Oh, Y/N. Wasn’t expecting you.” She said, a disgusted look on her face.

“We agreed last night to meet but I guess you didn’t remember. Must’ve been a bit preoccupied I see.” Y/N said, leaning to the side as she saw yet another man walking around the house that wasn’t Arthur. There was a long, awkward silence before she continued.

“I’m just here to warn you that you’ll get what’s coming to you. You don’t fuck with the Shelby family.” She said spitting at her feet.

“You know Y/N? You’re just like the rest of them. No morals...no class...nothing.” She said.

Y/N smirked as she inched closer to her, standing almost eye to eye. With a quick draw of her arm, she landed a harsh slap to her face. Her handprint stinging and bright red as it adorned Linda’s cheek.

“You’re one to talk about morals and class. People like you make me sick.” Y/N spat, walking off as Linda stood there holding her cheek. Her mystery lover nowhere to be seen as he’d retreated back to the bedroom in hiding, most surely thinking Arthur was there.

As she set the final glass down, she was brought out of her horrendous memories by the voice of her brother John.

“Aye Y/N, how’s your training been going with Finn and the guys? Think you could take him out yet?” He said, a mischievous smirk on his face. Linda scowled as she glanced over at Y/N, probably remembering how her face stung after the blow. The event seeming years away due to the hectic business of the blinders and the growing number of kids in the family.

“I highly doubt she could. Even if she grew up with you lot as brothers. Besides, it’s not ladylike. You can’t fight around the children.” Linda said, sipping her tea.

Y/N’s eyes pierced hers as she sat there. Her appetite fading as she got up from the table.

“Y/N...now’s not the time for this. Sit down.” Polly said, pointing at the empty chair between her and Thomas.

“I have no desire to sit with someone I can’t trust. You’ll get what’s coming to you Linda. I swear it on our mums grave.” She said getting up from the table again, this time making it to the kitchen before hearing quick footsteps.

“You said that last time and nothing happened. What are you going to do? All this family does is make empty promises. You’re just a worthless girl with nothing but her families bad manners and filthy blood money...” Linda continued, Y/N zoning out as she unclasped her earrings and threw them on the counter. Her eyes scanning Linda’s movements as she stepped closer, cracking her knuckles. John got up as soon as he heard her bad-mouthing his sister. Finn stood and made his way near her only for John to hold him back with a smirk, knowing this was long over-due.

She didn’t say anything as she swung a left hook, a loud crack sounding through the room as Linda stumbled back. John cheering slightly as she regained her composure.

“I told ya you’d get what’s coming to you.” She said, as Linda lunged forward and went to slap her in the face, but failing as Y/N blocked her hand and twisted causing a scream to erupt from her lying mouth. Blood was dripping from her nose as Arthur and Thomas came in. To her surprise, they didn’t jump in nor did Arthur try to stop her, knowing all too well his once precious Linda was bound to pay somehow. Polly and Ada shielded the children, holding their hands over their eyes as the mini brawl panned out.

“You’re going to hell!” Linda yelled, punching Y/N in the shoulder as she cried.

“I’ve been there already love, it’s quite nice.” She said moving back and raising her arms up to guard her face, looking for an open spot, eventually landing a final blow to Linda’s ribs that left her on the ground gasping for air.

Thomas suddenly grabbed Y/N’s arm and yanked her back. She wasn’t kicking and screaming, but he could see the rage in her eyes. The way his and Arthur’s often looked.

“Enough. Alright? She got the message. Enough.” He said.

“No. No I don’t think she did. Get off me.” She spat, trying to wrestle her way out of her brothers grasp.

Thomas let go so he wouldn’t hurt her, but watched on as she stalked towards Linda and Arthur.

“You can see how you’ve torn this family up right? I can’t speak for everyone, even for the man you’ve hurt, but I can speak for me and I’ll never accept you into this family again. Never. Now get out of my fucking house.” She said lowly, grabbing Linda’s arm harshly as Arthur tried to stop her.

“Y/N I’ll take her, you go cool down.” Arthur said, his hands shaking a bit as he was still torn between the hurt from Linda’s past actions and the love he had for her.

Y/N stood up with her arms crossed, her knuckles bloodied and aching as she stared her brother down.

“Arthur...do you remember what I told you that night? You have to save yourself. She’s going to keep you trapped in those same situations again if you don’t do something. She’ll hurt you if you don’t watch out.” She said, wiping a tear from her cheek as she shoved past her brothers and Polly, the children crying as an awkward silence fell over the house. She sulked back up to her room, cleaning her knuckles and bandaging them the best she could, knowing everyone probably hated her now.

“What was that aye?” Thomas asked.

“Fucking hell Tommy.” She said, jumping slightly at his voice from the doorway.

“I was just doing what no one else wanted to fucking do. Someone had to make her and our idiot brother see reason.” She said, wincing as she tried to wrap the gauze around her knuckles.

Thomas silently came over and helped her, trying to think of something to say as he snipped the last of the white fabric.

“You all hate me I already know. I just couldn’t sit there as she acted like everything was fine. Like she didn’t hurt him multiple times. She’s nothing but trouble and no one fucking understands that.” She said, tears welling up in her eyes.

“He can protect himself...I’m sure he’ll come around. And we don’t hate you. Besides, if I was betting on you that would’ve been the best fight of the year. I know for a fact you can take down Finn.” He said, trying to lighten her mood.

“I already did, he just doesn’t talk about it.” She said giggling and wiping the tears away as she gave him a hug. He sighed as he wrapped his arms protectively around her.

“She also had it coming. She said I had no morals...and no class....I just couldn’t let her talk that way about me...and about our family.” She said.

“Aye she did have it coming, I’ll agree on that. But you can’t listen to her. There will always be people who’ll say those things. They just don’t understand us.” He said.

“Well, they should work on that then aye? I guess next time I’ll try not to beat anyone up. I’m not promising anything though.” She said, Thomas chuckling as she broke from the hug and went into her room.

“I’ll see what’s going on down there. You just rest. But uh,,,do me a favor aye?” He asked.

“Yeah?”

“If someone does say something, don’t go at them alone. Tell me alright?” He asked.

“Okay...” she said with a sigh, hoping the night could be over with.

“Good, I’ll see you at the family meeting tomorrow then. Bright and early.” He said with a smirk.

“Oh fuck off Tommy...Goodnight.” She said, play-punching his shoulder.

“Goodnight.” He said, putting his cap on and making his way out the door to whatever family chaos awaited him.

#peaky blinders #peaky blinders imagines #peaky blinders oneshots #peaky blinders fanfic #thomas shelby #thomas shelby x shelby!sister reader #shelby family #shelby family x shelby!sister reader #can u tell I have a lot of pent-up rage?

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thompsborn · 3 years

Note

do you have any spare ironhusbands or sambucky headcanons?

ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY

oh my god okay i’ve been so fucking wrapped up in both ironhusbands and sambucky and absolutely nothing else for WEEKS because of tfatws (obviously if you have seen my endless spam of reblogs but can you BLAME ME) and the portal closed has ironhusbands so i’ve been just. oh my god i am happily drowning in this and them and i do not need nor want air. ok.

also these are all hc’s based just in canon not au, and lol warning this got so long help me, though my brain is so scrambled from tfatws finale that all sambucky thoughts are scrambled and jumbled so i wasn't able to coordinate them as well as ironhusbands so the ironhusbands section is definitely longer pfighf i'm so sorry i'm like this

ironhusbands:

when they met at mit tony didnt know shit. like. like nothing. he didnt know a single god damn thing about anything. like he was a genius he could solve any equation given to him and baffled professors when he was handed like two supposedly impossible equations to this fuckin fourteen year old and he just looked at them with like a mcdonalds burger or some shit hanging out of his mouth and just answered them no problem, but he was still such a hopeless idiot, and rhodey, also a genius attending as a sixteen year old, had to teach him the basics of life, like. making toast. tony how do NOT know how to make toast. its TOAST. you put it in the TOASTER. have you NEVER SEEN A—OH MY GOD HOW DID YOU FUCKING CATCH IT ON FIRE—

he does not perfect the clearly impossible task of making toast until he is 17 and rhodey buys him a cake to celebrate the momentous occasion even though tony went though 528 toasters

you are gold by the national parks. thats it. thats all i have to say. listen to the song and look up the lyrics. you’ll get it.

and also paper planes by jon bellion but specifically for after rhodey tells tony he’s gonna join the air force and tony is worried but doesnt know how to show it and they have like a chill night in and all tony can think about is how stupid he is and how he’s such a coward because he cant get himself to tell rhodey that hi!! i love u!! and im scared to lose u and that you’ll get hurt and maybe die or smth!!

when rhodey finds out about how tony was raised (going with mcu, where tony wasnt physically abused but more emotionally neglected and ignored by howard and always talked down to and compared to others and wasnt treated like he was worthy and never was told he was loved and everything like that) he gets PISSED. like he is MONUMENTALLY angry. and it takes YEARS for him to find out about this too. and it actually puts a bit of a strain on their friendship for awhile when they meet too

like rhodey knows about the starks obviously and he assumes tony is going to be this obnoxious arrogant rich boy asshole and is so not looking forward to being roommates but he was raised to have an open mind and give everyone a chance, but tony was raised to be wary of everyone and keep his walls up and his emotions in shackles because whatever he shows can be used against him, so they clash, you know? they dont fight or anything but theres tension bc it isnt right and they dont get each other.

rhodey tries to be nice and tony doesnt understand nice because his only example of nice is jarvis and his mom and even then his mom and jarvis are always off with his dad so he barely sees them so its still rare for him to experience the nice of them so he doesnt know how to be around someone nice all the time, and so he gets defensive and thinks about how howard drilled it into him to be wary and he thinks maybe rhodey isnt ACTUALLY nice but someone PRETENDING to be

and rhodey starts to feel justified in assuming the worst about tony stark because tony is all cold and distant and rude and is about to stop the keeping an open mind thing about a month into their first year but then he comes back to their dorm early from class one day and tony doesnt come in so rhodey is just standing there and watches for a minute as tony sits there staring down at his twenty sixth attempt at a letter he wants to send his mom becauss he knows his mom likes letters even though he could just call but they havent really called him (howards fault but he’s fourteen still and its hard to rationalize that howards busy life and controlling thumb extends past his son) and rhodey is just confused because tony just suddenly sighs and sniffles a bit and murmurs “this is so stupid” and crumbles up the paper and throws it in the garbage and rhodey cant help but peer into it and barely sees the words hey mom scribbled at the top and that. that. hm. okay.

so rhodey keeps trying because he wasnt supposed to see that but he did and now he kind of has a feeling that maybe tony isnt all that cold and distant and rude as he seems, maybe he just doesnt really know how to be any different, so he thinks about all the subtle little ways that his family has shown him they care about him and starts to invite tony to go get food or to study together even though neither of them really need to study or to help each other with assignments or just anything thats mundane enough to not raise suspicion but still starts to open the door and make tony relax around him just that little bit and then before tony realizes it the end of their first year is there and theyre like friends or something and it hits him that he’s gonna miss rhodey.

for the first time ever there’s someone other than his mom and jarvis that he’s actually going to miss.

rhodey grins at him and says that they’ll be roommates again next year because they have to be and that the summer will be over before they know it and the sentiment is nice but tony spends the summer alone wandering around a house too big and empty after being in a dorm that’s small and has a friend.

but rhodey doesn’t know this. like he knows that tony isn’t the kind of guy he originally assumed but he doesn’t know that he’s literally ignored and neglected and like emotionally and sometimes verbally abused so he’s kind of surprised when the next year begins and they DO end up being roommates again (because tony kind of asked his mom, on a rare day when he got to see her and howard wasnt around, to get mit to make sure they could be) and tony just HUGS him like its been years and they’ve known each other forever but he goes with it and hugs him back because maybe tony’s just more affectionate once he gets to know someone and rhodey is okay w that.

they get closer as the years go by and they graduate from mit together and they’re BEST friends and at the end of the year rhodey invites tony to spend new years eve w his family but tony cant bc howard is having some kind of gala starting at 5 because hes weird and dumb and tony hates it and he also isnt given the option of not going even though he doesnt want to but the entire way there howard drills into him about not fucking up and berates him for all the times he has in the past and when they get there tony is already just not feeling it so he’s like nope!! no!! i simply cannot!!

so he goes in and finds an exit thats in the back and he leaves and finds a fucking payphone of all things and he has rhodeys home number memorized for years now and he calls and someone he doesnt knoe answers and theres music in the background and voices and tony’s entire stomach is in his throat and his heart is sunken into his twisted gut because he just wanted one night where maybe he could smile next to his parents and feel like he fit with them but he couldnt have that and he asks to talk to rhodey and then he is and asks if its too late to accept his invite and rhodey is like yeah of course do u need my address bc its still only 5 pm and its a 2 hour drive between south philadelphia and manhattan so he’d make it with plenty of time before it got to midnight so yay

and tony is like. oh. hm. i dont know how to drive actually. that was a thing that no one ever thought to teach me even though i asked about it about ten million times. and rhodey is used to tony not knowing how to do things that most people their age can (see: the toast) and plus its not uncommon for people from new york to not drive anyway so he doesnt think anything of it and instead asks for tony’s address to come pick him up instead and they’d still make it back by like 9-9:30 so that would work too

and thats when tony is like. well.

about that.

he might be calling from a payphone.

on a random street corner.

and its kind of raining. and he’s cold. and he’s a bit dulled out from everything so he doesn’t really think about the fact that admitting this is going to lead to having to explain what happened and also why and that is happens often. but that doesnt matter because he kind of just wants to be with his best friend and not back at that gala with his dad right now.

rhodey is like,,, ok. ok. wheres a coffee shop nearby u can wait in. and tony thankfully is by a 24 hour one and tells him the name and the street corner its closest to and rhodey is like i’ll be there asap and tony goes and he waits.

a two hour drive turns into an hour and a half because rhodey is Worried™

but when he walks in tony goes from being all dulled out to being all HOLY SHIT because rhodey has a SPLIT LIP and he’s like WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED WHAT THE FUCK WHAT

and rhodey’s like no no its good my uncle was having fun and trying to wrestle with me and he accidentally elbowed me its all good man dont worry about it

tony isnt used to accidentally being hurt tho so he’s still like hmmm but he takes rhodeys word on it and they head out and tony wont say what happened or why he was calling from a payphone ?? which btw tony literally only was able to do bc there happened to be dropped change on the ground because boy would not have change on him ok, but rhodeys like alright lets go with this for now

so they gets to the rhodes house and it is in full swing with family and extended family and adopted family bc they are 100% the family that just adopts the neighborhood kids and the people who have no one else and like ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends even after the relationship ends bc they still are family despite not dating whoever it was they had been dating in order to be introduced to them so its a LOT of people and tony is like. this is semi familiar in terms a lot of people but this is NOTHING like what he has ever seen before holy fucking SHIT

rhodey is just like oh u have a small family then? so ur used to smaller gatherings?

and tonys like wtf are gatherings

and rhodey is starting to get a feel for what might be wrong but just takes tony inside to get him changed because he’s not spending new years eve at the rhodes house in a fucking expensive suit ok

tony is completely out of his element and like he’s not the only white guy there bc again the rhodes adopt people and those people are of every race and nationally you can imagine but he just isnt used to the vibe there are people laughing and sitting close together and playing games and theres music playing but not like classy music its music people can dance to and are dancing to and the food isnt the food he’s used to at galas and shit and nothing is what he’s used to and he just sticks to rhodey’s side like a fucking lost puppy and tries his best not to look like an idiot when rhodey introduces him to people and a lot of them know who he is but dont judge him or assume shit about him bc obviously if he’s friends w rhodey then he’s a good guy and they want to know him and thats enough

but tony is v overwhelmed bc what the FUCK IS HAPPENING this is nothing like anything he has ever experienced EVER

so eventually rhodey can tell he’s getting overwhelmed and takes him inside and lets him have a breather and then asks him about whats going in and thats when rhodey learns about what tonys life at home is really like and. anger.

SO MUCH anger

because not only has every single assumption he has ever made about tony been proven wrong, but now he knows that the best person he knows has never been treated the way he deserves and has never known a true home and comfort and love and safety and

and he’s gonna fix it

and this is the first step

so he takes tony back out and they’re still just friends but this is the day they both quietly realize they might kind of definitely like each other as more because tony is still so confused by the fact that what he knows isnt the normal and overwhelmed by how much there is and how different it is but rhodey holds his hand as a grounding point and whenever it might be too much they move off to the side where they arent completely gone but its less hectic and a bit more quiet and its just nice

tony goes to rhodeys house for every holiday despite whatever howard says

rhodey decks howard the only time they ever meet before tonys parents die and he has the most shit eating grin on his face afterwards that tony cant help but lose his shit laughing his ass off

anyway i didnt mean to ramble for so long about that specific idea so i’ll end the ironhusbands ramble with this one last thought, which is as follows:

rhodey gets hurt in the air force at some point, and it isnt that bad tbh but he does have to go the hospital and shit and gets stitches or whatever idk i dont know what specifically happens i just think it’d be just bad enough that it takes him a few weeks to be able to go back to work but he’s not like OH GOD HURT yk?

but like stated above tony was scared and worried when rhodey told him he was gonna go into the air force so he hears about this and they’re probably like almost 30 at this point because they’re dumb and it takes them forever to get their heads out of their asses (i say this even though in the portal closed it takes them even longer but i digress) rhodey has like his mon his sister his niece visiting him and they were worried but they know hes fine so theyre just talking and in a good mood and then—

door slams open. tony stark enter stage left. disheveled suit, fresh from a meeting he definitely was not supposed to leave, having flown in from maibu the second he heard and then had happy drive him and then got impatient because of traffic and ended up sprinting like ten blocks while happy was like what the FUCK

of course rhodeys family are well aware that these idiots are desperately in love with each other so they’re just like lol ok and just leave the room while tony starts fretting over him like he’s about to die himself if he doesnt know if rhodey is okay and rhodey is like tony tony dude tones stop tony im okay tony stop it

until finally tony just fucking breaks down like full on tears in his eyes voice cracking hands clasped as he leans against rhodeys bed and tells him that he was so scared and he is so scared all the time whenever rhodey is out there because all he can think about is losing him and him getting hurt or dying and it’s maddening and this is when they get their heads out of their asses and kiss for the first time

(irony at its finest bc later when they are married and tony becomes iron man rhodey refuses to not have a suit of his own because if tony is going out there in a metal flying tin can then he isn’t going alone and wow what a power couple)

sambucky:

firstly i’m going to go post tfatws, but i’ll make a bullet point before going into it so if you wanna read up until that point you can but most of this will be random little headcanons based post tfatws

also it isnt like a whole plotline thing like the ironhusbands ones ended up being these ones are more random and kinda all over the place but loosely connected

update from after writing this: i lied

let me start by saying my interpretation of why they are the way they are in civil war is because of steve

thats not saying steve is the bad guy i mean to say that they’re jealous of each other because they thought that THEY were steve’s best friend who the fuck is THIS guy i dont want him here go away

children. they are children.

which i find very funny to imagine from sams pov because he literally is a licensed therapist and would 100% recognize why he’s acting how he is but he’s petty enough to do it anyway

and also he literally was helping steve track bucky down but i like to imagine that sam didnt think they’d ever really find him again and it’d just make him and steve like super mega best friends or something because hes a CHILD

and then from bucky’s pov steve goes through all this trouble to find him and protect him and then this random guy is acting like steve’s best friend and gets to sit in the front seat ??? bullshit. absolutely bullshit. worst thing ever. so stupid.

its so funny to me okay its SO funny

its like that schoolyard thing where your friend makes another friend and you hate it so much that you do something stupid like color on their drawing or put gum in their hair or whatever but they’re adults with 1. super soldier serum or 2. a superhero reputation/avengers status and suit with wings. so thats a thing.

post civil war i dont think they get much yk. because bucky is out in cryo and team cap is on the run and i doubt theyre able to return to wakanda much, if at all, and then it’s infinity war and then it’s endgame and after endgame there’s the aftermath and the aftermath is a mess

i like to think they have some moments before tfatws though. not many but enough for that slight foundation thats we can kind of see in episode 2 yk.

okay NOW it gets into post tfatws so!!

SO post tfatws everything is different because now they not only have spent all this time together, but they understand each other in a way that they didn’t before. in a way no one ever has. not even steve, who may have known them before, but he isn’t here anymore and he wouldn’t understand who they are now vs who they were before and it’s different.

bucky finds comfort in sam’s home town. sam finds comfort in watching bucky find a home there and he doesnt know why.

also sam treats redwing like a puppy and lets him fly around on his own and gets pet and stuff and bucky acts annoyed but the longer it happens you can tell he’s like “oh my god why is this thing endearing”

bucky has nightmares and sam knows this but bucky doesnt know that sam also has nightmares until one night when they’re still in sams home town and they’re staying on the boat because sams nephews are having a sleepover with some friends and they didnt want to get in the way or smth idk i just want an excuse for them to be on the boat and somewhat secluded from people but bucky already woke up from his nightmare and is out on the deck to get some fresh out and then oop

sam havin a nightmare too

because fucking of COURSE sam has nightmares he has been through some shit too!! not being able to catch riley and everything that happened since meeting steve and thanos and he turned to dust alone in the bushes ok like yes everyone that died were traumatized undoubtedly (peter my baby boy baby im so sorry that you got the worst of it) but bucky was around people but sam was laying on the ground and probably just watched his hands as he disappeared and he was alone and like. jesus christ ok.

and then steve trusted him with every weight and everything that comes with the shield not knowing how much more the shield has when he gave it to a black man and just like he has nightmares everyone in marvel does its a fact

but bucky finds out like this and he is shocked even though he realizes he probably should have been able to guess that this is a thing and he knows so much more about sam now than he ever did but this is how he learns more. he learns about riley. he learns so much.

sometimes bucky has those like “oh shit” moments where he’s like “maybe i was kind of a dick to someone who didnt deserve it” and he already had one of those with sam about the shield but he has another one because he assumed shit about sam when they were being all childish and jealous about someone else being friends with steve but like fuck

steve and sam probably got it

the not catching someone. the way it felt to try and to reach out and to miss and to have to choice but to watch as they fell.

what’s different is that steve got bucky back. he got to have that relief, eventually, even if there was the pain of knowing bucky had been taken by hydra, but at least he knew bucky had made it.

sam didn’t have that. riley didnt make it.

therefore, bucky has his “oh shit”

and bucky was already going soft around the edges with sam (as clearly seen in the last two episodes of tfatws, ESPECIALLY the finale because like did tou SEEZ ALL THE HEART EYES oh my GOD) but it’s this that really makes something in him melt and he just. he loses the last remnants of whatever tension or resentment or whatever negative feeling he may have been clutching onto.

there wasnt much left. but now theres none. now its all washed away.

its gone, and he gets it.

sam is a licensed therapist and he knew the reason he was being all dumb and childish and jealous with bucky was because steve had another best friend but also because steve’s other best friend was the guy that had been a big factor in how him and steve understood each other and how they bonded and it

it had kind of felt like they lost part of that when they found bucky again in civil war and he kind of wanted to blame bucky for it even though he didnt actually blame him at all so all it translated to was that dumb kind of jealous thing instead

but now it’s just them. its sam and bucky and it isnt steve and it isnt about steve and it shouldnt be because its about them. its about the boat and the water and the way they sit and watch the waves while the silence settles over them and the way that bucky says, “im sorry.”

its the way sam says, “me too.”

and bucky says, “you dont have to be.”

its the way they stay there until sarah comes to get them for breakfast and sams nephews convince them to play with them and their friends and the world is still shit and there is so much to do but

but its this and its them and that can wait

it can wait

they can take their time if they want to

maybe they’ve earned that much, at least

(it isn't a fast development because they're a complicated pair and there's so much to the two of them that need to figured out individually before they can even realize how well they work together, but the steps are so much easier knowing that they have the other in their corner and bucky knows that sam's home town is a place he's welcome to go and sam helps him make his own dreary little apartment into something that feels real and tangible with a bed and a couch and when they've become something that resembles stable and they've found a balance and they're okay, that's when they realize that maybe they can try for the more that sometimes bubbles under their skin and that they started to think about the more they spend time together. the warmth that sam feels every time he sees bucky playing games with his nephew and the smile that bucky has to fight to hide and still can't fully suppress when sam stands tall and proud with the shield in its rightful place, and it takes time, it takes work, it takes carefully placed bricks to build the foundation they need, but they get there, and when they do...

when they do, they're already happy, and it just makes them happier, and that's what makes it so much better.

that's what makes it worth the wait.)

#ironhusbands #sambucky #headcanons #asks

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locria-writes · 3 years

Text

the mess that is the essenian imperial family pt 3

the final part to this mini-lore compilation! learn how scummy the emperor is! also, this is only like, the semi-important concubines, he’s got like 30 more who aren’t important enough to be named lol. part 1 & part 2

alysendaur de sehieret vu ehteliohrt, emperor alysendaur II of essenia | b. 62 | son of empress amalone, and born in the purple; the eldest child and only son of empeor sehier. although a bright and intelligent person like his parents, he lacks their mild mannerisms, and many have compared his willfulness and moxie to the duke of gendurande's. he was brought up under the unforgiving hand of his mother, and is open with his disdain for her, going so far as to actively oppose many of her stances in court during her regency. while he has mellowed out over the years, many traditionalists still express concern over his blatant animosity toward his wife, and obvious favouritism toward his concubines, most notably consort pesselen, another marked change fom his predecessor. he still has yet to name an heir, almost always citing dissatisfaction with his sons, but it's quite obvious he's waiting for court approval to swing toward his sixth son so he can crown him without any major scandal.

ostirtha de galeranet ru steure-guen, empress consort ostirtha | b. 64 | daughter of the prince of ilanen and his legal wife, she's also the favourite niece of the duke of gendurande. she was raised in the imperial court, and married alysendaur in 82 upon the wishes of her family. although she is touted as one of the most benevolent and gentle empress consorts in recent history, one of her most frequent criticisms is her submissiveness to her family's wishes, which have led to many calling her a pawn of the duke of gendurande. birth mother of princes launcelin and hecelin; princesses kateryne, auelyne. and cisiliya.

marjeria d’ouret berosier, consort berosier | b. 69 - d. 101 | a maid turned concubine after becoming pregnant following a dalliance with the emperor when he was still a prince in 84. she was known as the empress' closest confidante, and died of grief not long after her son prince uchurad died. birth mother of prince uchurad and princess ysabelyne.

dametta de sohalet ru balonn, madam dametta | b. 67 - d. 91 | daughter of the count of selyan, she married the emperor in 86 when he was still a prince. she was neither favoured nor neglected, and died in childbirth. birth mother of princess ehelyssa.

belsante de maugret ru noyuen, madam noyuen | b. 71 - d. 97 | daughter of the duke of ulecht, she married the emperor in 86 when he was still a prince. known as a great beauty and talented musician, she earned his favour quickly after having a son. It's unknown why or how, but in 97, shortly after the emperor acceded the throne, she smothered prince azemar to death before hanging herself, leading to her demotion from consort to madam. birth mother of prince azemar and princess tephania.

emelouys de renfredet pesselen, consort pesselen | b. 80 | a courtesan turned concubine, it's unclear exactly when or how she met the emperor, but she was brought to the imperial court not long after giving birth to prince vezian in 100. despite her humble and muddy background, she quickly rose through to become his favourite concubine, to the point where she can be considered a second empress of sorts. birth mother of prince vezian and princess doradeira.

leselyna de guimaret maduyt-ludell, madam leselyna | b. 83 | a maid turned concubine after the emperor took a liking to her beauty in 100. although he does favour her quite a bit, she holds very little importance in the grand scheme of things, owing to her lack of sons, humble background, and lack of court backing. birth mother of princesses metylda and edelyne.

erembourn de baudoynet de guyot-huche, consort guyot-huche | b. 89 | daughter of the count of jeynour, she was frequented the palace as a child as a playmate for the older princesses, when she caught the eye of the emperor and was subsequently made into one of his concubines in 105. despite her reluctance, the emperor favours her greatly, so much so that some consider her second only to consort pesselen in regards to the concubines. birth mother of prince ganelon and princesses anfelysa, bettysse, and mariora.

ysout de jotocuset gueffenne, madam ysout | b. 97 | a maid turned concubine after the emperor had a dalliance with her in 112. she tends to keep to herself, and neither seeks out the emperor's affections, nor does she spurn them.

mazelina de vanet ru maveseyn-linouet. consort maveseyn-linouet | b. 100 | daughter of general maveseyn-linouet, she married the emperor in 115. she tries to keep a low profile, having grown up in the imperial court, and is aloof to anyone seeking her allegiance. birth mother of princess amabilya.

peryna de goeuuinet ellejan, madam peryna | b. 101 | the daughter of the wetnurse who cared for prince vezian and princess doradeira, she was originally the princess' maid before the emperor took a liking to her and made her his concubine in 117.

sehier de tuyonet vu ehteliohrt, emperor sehier of essenia | b. 34 - d. 95 | born to the eldest son of third prince tuyon and his princess consort, and was crowned emperor in 37 due to the lack of heirs, following the fourteenth prince's disappearance. unlike his many predecessors, he possessed a mild, temperate, and benevolent demeanour, and did not advocate for expansionist policies. another unusual aspect of his personality was that although he had numerous concubines, he only ever seemed to pay attention to the empress. he was also close friends with the duke of gendurande since childhood, but for unknown reasons, the friendship fell apart in 70, and they never reconciled. his health suddenly began to fail in 90, and in a rare move that subverted court customs, had his empress become regent, instead of his only son. while his death is officially considered a natural one, there are many rumours afoot that he was poisoned by someone in court. he had only one son with his empress, alysendaur.

amalone de lanfreyet ru azor-bastel, empress dowager of essenia, 9th duke of alyencour | b. 36 - d. 105 | born in the far east plains of the empire, her father held lands along the border, and her mother was the daughter of a chu’e wanzhu military family. she was given an education in both essenian and nazhutai, and upon gaining her title, she moved to the capital to serve as a study companion to the young emperor sehier, and later served as his spymaster and legal wife. although renowned to be a demure and docile woman, she brought up her only son with a strict hand, impossible expectations, and most notably, arranged his marriage to lady ostirtha, despite his protests. in her later years, she also personally tutored and oversaw the education of her grandchildren -- uchurad, launcelin. kateryne, and auelyne. she served as the empress regent after emperor sehier's health declined, and tightly held onto that power as empress dowager until the year 100, when emperor alysendaur II wrestled back control. in accordance to her will, after her death, her family’s holdings were given to launcelin, a clear snub toward the emperor.

isengran d'huguenochet ru ylers, 2nd duke of gendurande, former lord protector of essenia | b. 32 | adopted into the ylers clan as a young child, his true birth is shrouded in uncertainty, though there are persistent rumours that he is actually an imperial prince. he grew up in the imperial court, serving as a study companion to the young emperor sehier, and would later serve as his right-hand man and the empire's top military official. after falling out with the emperor in 70, he resigned from his military titles to serve as the ambassador to nalaantai, and only returned in 90, when the emperor's health was in decline. he is the maternal uncle of empress ostirtha, and gave the two eldest princes their military education. in his youth, he was famed for his chivalrous and gallant nature, and although he had a few romances, never married, nor did he express any lasting interest in any women. he retired from court life in 105, but is still considered one of the most powerful nobles in the empire.

#a broken ever after #abea cast #abea lore #also gross why u tryna hit up ur kids' friends???#basically on this list there's two ginormous assholes #and two sorta kinda assholes who were meant to be lmao #most of the emperor's concubines weren't exactly....*willing*#so that's a yikes from me chief wtf is wrong with him #anyway not related but me and my sister made bubble tea today #and it was so good i wanna cry i haven't had bubble tea since before the plague #my tapioca wasn't even that bad despite the fact i used not a single gram of tapioca flour/starch lol #glutinous rice flour works just as well you just need to knead it very well to make it chewy enough #the tapioca was just a smudge too sweet tho but that's okay the tea was kinda too mellow #but yeah i haven't had so many endorphins in my brain at once in such a long time lol

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fff777 · 3 years

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My own exolympics AU post (summer version). Some of these were really difficult and that’s why for so many of these I don’t have one single definitive choice of sport.

Minseok: Wrestling or rugby. I didn’t mean to start this list horny but what is 2021 Minseok so beefy for if not pinning his opponent down into submission? Did I say that out loud? Oops. Considering Minseok’s past as a soccer player, I do think that he enjoys team sports, which is why I think rugby also would’ve worked for his physique. I had considered sports like shot put/hammer throw/discus throw or weightlifting, but I think they are too solitary for a Minseok who enjoys more interaction in his sports. Minseok is a footie fanatic too, and it would be fun imagining him playing soccer with athletes from other sports in the common area.

Junmyeon: Modern pentathlon or fencing. The exo members as well as Junmyeon’s friends (including his basketball player friend Mo Yonghun) have said that he is very fit and takes care of his body a lot, so I had trouble matching him up with a specific sport. I was looking for sports that were a bit bougie (because his dad is a professor and Junmyeon looks like a prince), as well as sports with physiques that were a bit more average (because Junmyeon is rather well proportioned). The pentathlon includes fencing, shooting, swimming, horse show jumping, and running, several of which I had considered for Junmyeon. Fencing and show jumping definitely suit the bougie part of him. And I remember him saying that he swam and ran often. I had also considered table tennis because Junmyeon’s body type seemed to match up with table tennis players’ body types quite a bit. Anyway, my final choice is pentathlon, but if I had to choose just one sport specifically, I’d choose fencing. Enough bougie with enough moving around and making use of his superior physique. And table tennis is a close third haha.

Yixing: Badminton. I respect badminton as a sport as someone who played it for a number of years, I just don’t have good memories of badminton lessons, which was why I was reluctant to say this haha. But Yixing is lean, and I think that matches up with badminton players quite well. I had considered long distance/marathon sports too, like cycling or running or triathlon, but I don’t think Yixing is quite that lean. Also, imagine Yixing in the muscle shirt with a gold necklace v.v If you have watched badminton, you probably know the visual I’m trying to express lol. Anyway he’d be a singles player.

Baekhyun: Karate. Funnily enough, it’s not because of Baekhyun’s background in martial arts. I just feel like Baekhyun is the kind of guy who suits a sport that he can do anywhere, anytime. My original choice for Baekhyun was BMX racing but I just felt like he doesn’t suit a sport that requires a lot of gear (bike, helmet, etc.). I had considered surfing and skateboarding for Baekhyun too because I think he suits sports that have a more chill atmosphere among athletes (i.e. a sport that’s not so stuffy), but again, too much gear, and surfing can only take place in the water, which I also feel doesn’t really match Baekhyun? Taekwondo doesn’t really match Baekhyun because Taekwondo athletes tend to be tall with long legs.

Jongdae: Wrestling or kayak slalom. I had A LOT of trouble matching Jongdae up with a sport. His body type just didn’t seem to remind me of any specific sport. When he bulks up he’s stocky but not broad. But because he can get stocky I felt like wrestling could suit him. Admittedly I don’t watch a lot of canoe/kayak slalom, but Jongdae has shown on many occasions that he doesn’t get scared easily, and I feel like something thrilling like slalom would be fun for him. I did also consider rock climbing considering how he was totally not scared when on the rock climbing wall in Minseok’s H4U, but I looked up rock climbing and apparently they tend to be taller.

Chanyeol: Beach volleyball. Volleyball obviously makes sense given his height. But beach volleyball teams are only made up of two people, so he gets more attention, and also he gets to be a beach thot. I was thinking of surfing too for maximum thot vibes, but I did a bit of reading and apparently the best surfers aren’t typically that tall. I’d also considered rowing since I think Chanyeol has the body type for it, but I feel it’s too serene of a sport for someone as chaotic and restless as him.

Kyungsoo: Judo or rowing (as the coxswain XD). Kyungsoo was the other member I had a lot of trouble with, especially because we don’t know what his physique really is like because dude never takes off his shirt (and I respect him for that, keep giving us nothing). I looked up the body types for the judokas who are on the smaller side and I felt that Kyungsoo kind of matched up with that. Plus, I think he’s practised some judo for a movie role. In terms of rowing, for those of you who don’t know, in the eight-people rowing races, there is a person (usually much smaller, any gender) who usually sits at the end of the boat called a coxswain who is responsible for keeping the rowers coordinated. I know scarysoo is a meme and real Kyungsoo isn’t actually that mean, but I felt like that was a job that he could be good at. If he remembers to wear his glasses so he can properly see. Plus, whichever team wins the race gets to throw their coxswain into the water (this is actually real, I did not make this up), so imagine 8 big men or women throwing tiny Kyungsoo into the water with glee.

Jongin: Artistic gymnastics. I think this has been the popular headcanon and I think it fits. I don’t know how flexible he is, but I just feel like he’d be the kind of guy to look very graceful on all the apparatuses. I think his strengths would be floor exercise and pommel horse. His long legs would look so good when he does his spins (I don’t know what they’re called lol). Plus he’d be very pretty in the gymnastics uniform.

Sehun: WATER POLO. If you don’t know anything about water polo, they have some of the most aesthetically pleasing physiques, just like Sehun. The sport is fun to watch but so are the men. (God I’m a pervert) I think swimmer Sehun has been the more popular headcanon and it fits too. He has the height for it (Sehun with the massive lat muscles anyone?). I just can’t stop thinking of water polo Sehun in the speedo and cute water polo cap. Either way, he’d be the heartthrob of the pool. Sehun also recently revealed in an interview that he was obsessed with golf, and I can see him in the whole golf fit haha.

Do you agree? Disagree? Let me know!

#exo #exo headcanons #thinking out loud #long post #exolympics #i'm going to change my mind a million times after this so i have to post it before i change my mind again lmao #please interact i love the olympics 🥺#there were so many sports that i wanted to assign to certain guys but it just didn't fit haha

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themonkeycabal · 4 years

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Wandavision Ep 6 Spoilers

No really, spoilers.

Previously on Wandavision — Wanda told SWORD to shove their drones right straight up their asses, Vision woke up to the reality that his utopian sitcom life was in fact a dystopian hellscape, their children were extremely creepy, and Agnes was being bizarre as hell and super sus. In the real world, Acting Director Dick was a dick, and Darcy and Jimmy welcomed Monica into their sciencey weird-crime-fighting team. Monica also mentioned an aerospace engineer she knows, which some suggest may be the first mention of Reed Richards in the MCU. I have conflicted feelings about the Fantastic Four. Mostly I never liked them. But, I'm open to revising my opinion.

Oh, and also X-Men 'Verse Pietro showed up suddenly and that was fun.

Anyway. the roommate and I tried to sort out a timeline — so Monica unBlips and goes back to work at SWORD three weeks later. AD Dick tells us Wanda stole Vision's body nine days previously. That means, just three weeks ago Wanda was in the middle of a battle, lost her boyfriend, was Snapped, was then unsnapped to fall right into the middle of another battle. Lost THREE additional teammates. And then sometime in the following week found out a shady government agency had Vision's body and she probably went "OH HELL NO". Because that's what I would say. So she goes to SWORD, dents a few doors, takes Vision's body and swans off to New Jersey. Look, she's been through a hell of a lot in the last couple weeks, is what I'm saying. I don't blame her a tiny bit. But, also, I don't think she's entirely behind this.

10-year old boy plus video camera = the 90s. Obnoxious opening credits. But, you know, I kind of liked them (as a one off). WAYYY better than last week's.

It's Halloween, and *sigh* Billy is breaking the fourth wall and narrating to the camera. There's childish twin bickering as you expect, Tommy's the wild and crazy twin, and Billy's the buttoned up twin. And Pietro is passed out on the couch at 4 in the afternoon. Living his best life. He teasingly scares the boys, chases them around, and there's awkward child acting.

Wanda comes down the stairs in the classic Scarlet Witch costume, and says she's a Sokovian Fortune Teller. Sokovia was more wild than I realized.

Genuinely funny flashback to Wanda and Pietro trick-or-treating in Sokovia as kids, 'the year we got typhus'. lol. Was it the fish that gave them typhus? Or was that just a special treat? Wanda doubts this version of events, and Pietro suggests she suppressed the memory due to the trauma. This gives Billy the chance to tell the camera that mom's been weird since uncle Pietro turned up to crash on their couch.

Next it's Vision's turn to appear in the classic Vision costume. Yikes. Wanda thanks him for humoring her, and he says there were no other clothes in his closet and they have a very weird second where he's not playing along and she's not sure what to do, and then he breaks into sitcom character says something about "just kidding, i know how much you love mexican wrestling" like it's a luchador costume, and then there's some super weird flirting. TMI you two.

Meanwhile, Pietro is a large child and the kids love him, of course. So there's that.

Back to Wanda and Vision, she's ready to take the kids out trick-or-treating, but Vision says he can't go, he's on the neighborhood watch and must patrol the streets ever-vigilant for wild gangs of child hooligans who might TP trees. He's gone off-script and it takes Wanda a second to figure out how to play this. She says it's the boys' first Halloween so he has to be there. Pietro breaks up the almost argument and says he can be a father figure-type and he'll help with the boys. Vision's still pretty off-script but Wanda doesn't fight it but looks uncertain, and he goes off to protect the night — or early afternoon.

Pietro is a child hooligan and wants to go do hooligany things with the kids. Wanda says he doesn't have a costume and he grabs Billy and they speed off only to return dressed in classic Quicksilver duds. Well, cheap-looking, thrown together Quicksilver duds. I laughed. The hair. lol. Good one.

Outside in the real world. The Hex field is still kind of glowing red and making bad force field noises. It only started doing that when Wanda got pissed in the last ep. Oh, goody, it's Acting Director Dick. I've learned his name is Hayward. I don't care.

Blah blah Stompy Mc-I'm-In-Charge blah. Monica is not pleased about the whole trying to kill Wanda with a missile while she was talking to her plan. AD Dick just says "now we know who we're dealing with". Um … what? You tried to kill her and her response was to tell you to go away. Yeah, boy, she's a monster.

Darcy is there to helpfully remind AD Dick that Wanda made him look like the fool he is. ILU girl. "Hey, there he is; the guy who almost got murdered by his own murder squad." Jimmy just makes a 'i'm so disappointed in you and your choices' face at him in the background.

I despise characters like Hayward. They are so tedious. Narratively they are there to incite conflict, but given the situation conflict naturally exists, surely there are other ways to bring up/drive that tension without the trope of the government heavy ready to solve the problem with the most extreme amount of force available to him. OH no! Our plucky heroes will have to find a way to save the day and fight the Man! Can they do it? Boring. It's too bad General Talbot went insane and then died; he could probably give tips on How Not To Be That Guy.

Anyway

Hayward wants to know if Darcy works for him and she's like "dunno my dude", Monica claims her, AD Dick says "which one of you is the sassy best friend" and Jimmy's like, that is quite enough Acting Director Not Very Nice Man. "There's no time to diminish your colleagues when you're about to start a war you can't win." AD Dick just wants to take out Wanda so the whole nightmare ends. Monica's like um, we literally do not know what's going on. Like, for real we have no clue. So that might not, in fact, end the nightmare, Director Murder Britches.

They argue a lot and Director Dick goes off the rails. Dude's like more unhinged than seems warranted. Unless he's just so embarrassed that he pissed himself when Wanda returned his murder drone to him, he's decided SHE MUST BE DESTROYED FOR THE GOOD OF … NEW JERSEY AND MY SOILED UNDERWEAR OR SOMETHING.

"Captain Rambeau, you are an impediment to this mission!" Oh no! He's gonna tell her all about how hard it was to survive in a post-blip world, all those lucky blipped don't know what it was like! You just can't understand! Monica tells him not to use that as an excuse to be a coward. I'm so bored with this scene. Let me guess, the trio will have to go behind his back to save the day.

"Maybe it's a good thing you weren't here with your mother died. Because, clearly you don't have the stomach for this job." … non-sequitur much? Or is he saying she would have inherited the Director-ship (which should probably not be how that sort of agency works, let's be real). Is this scene five hours long, or does it just feel that way?

The Dick banishes the trio from his base.

"Hayward is way over-stepping his provisional authority". Jimmy Woo, you're so great. Monica says he's up to something. Yeah a tactical nuke and murder. Clearly he doesn't want to actually solve the problem, he just wants the problem to go away with a big show of macho explosions and whatnot. I suspect he might be in over his head, like he was not meant to be Acting Director, let alone Director. Also, he's a boring cliche stereotype and I loathe it.

JIMMY! I legit did not see that coming. He just pure hauls off and clocks one of the soldiers escorting them off the base, to a transport truck or something. Monica seems just as surprised for a second but then she's like "hell yeah!" and jumps in. Darcy sort of stands back and watches. lol. "Why didn't anyone tell me the plan?"

Oh look, it's my shipping container! They put the soldiers in there. Guys, it was for Hayward. Come on.

The trio disguise themselves with ponchos, which is a big step up from the usual MCU disguise of "baseball hat". That was a good bit in Ant-man and the Wasp "it's not a disguise, it just looks like us at a baseball game" (I watched that like last week. I missed Luis). Anyway …

Back in the sitcom world. The kids are ready for their early afternoon trick-or-treating. They're still talking to the camera. It's so awkward. I'm not a fan. I get it's meant to reproduce the very 90s Nick-era sitcoms and so, you know, it's spot on. Still, though.

Pietro is encouraging and supportive. "Unleash hell, demon spawn!"

Dang there are a lot of kids in that neighborhood. Wasn't Vision wondering last episode why there weren't any kids? Is the program correcting itself?

Wanda tries to test Pietro, asking him about some kid at an orphanage when they were kids. Pietro calls her on it, and says he knows he looks different. Wanda wants to know why that is. He says, "You tell me. I mean, if I found shangra-la, I wouldn't want to be reminded of the past, either." Hmm.

The kids speed off with uncle Pietro. Wanda wanders over to talk to neighbor Herb, who has a g-man earbud in and is clearly part of the neighborhood watch. In the background Pietro is stealing all the candy and smashing pumpkins and spraying the place with silly string. The hijinks are so wacky. Wanda tells Herb maybe Vision can help out with the chaos, and Herb says Vision isn't on duty. Oh no, he lied to her!

Herb goes weird "is there something I can do for you, Wanda? Do you want something changed?" Hmmm.

Elsewhere Vision is wandering the wild streets of Westview. He finds people caught in some type of weird decorating loop, the woman seems trapped but aware.

Commercial time! What the fuck was that. "Yo-magic! The snack for survivors." No, really, what the fuck.

Night has fallen, the twins and the twins walk the streets. Wanda's making the boys give back all the candy they stole. She says Pietro is a bad influence. He says "I'm just trying to do my part, kay? Come to town unexpectedly, create tension with the brother-in-law, stir up trouble with the rugrats, and ultimately give you grief. I mean, that's what you wanted, isn't it?"

"What happened to your accent?"

"What happened to yours? Details are fuzzy, man. I got shot like a chump in the street for no reason." AHAHAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHA! no really AHAHAHAHAAH! Thank you, Pietro! Holy shit, perfect. That's some delicious shade. I expect to see this gif'd fifteen different ways when I load tumblr today.

"Next thing I know, I heard you calling me. I knew you needed me."

The kids interrupt. And now all of a sudden Tommy can zoom. Character development!

Everyone is so careful to give Wanda what she wants. Why? She's not cruel. Who wants to keep her pacified? And whoever it is cannot possibly be pleased with AD Dick messing things up. Assuming it's an outside or outside-ish force/entity, of course. I mean, I don't think she's doing this entirely, she might be the battery powering it, but despite her thing last episode to get SWORD to leave her alone, she does seem a little confused about the where, why, and how things are going.

"Don't go past Ellis Avenue." Just a kid thing or a boundary of the sitcom control world?

In the real world, our heroes are sneaking through a tent city and into the server room. The scene with Pietro and Wanda discussing his accent is playing in the background. Darcy seems put-out that Pietro was recast. lol. "He brought the wrong face."

Darcy hacks into Hayward's devices. "Hayward figured out a way to look through the boundary." "And he didn't share it with the group." I don't like Hayward.

Something is blipping on the map on the computer. Jimmy asks if it's Wanda, but Darcy says "it's tracking the decay signature of vibranium". So Vision. Monica wants to know why Hayward is tracking Vision. Well, I'd super like to know what SWORD was doing with Vision in the first place, because they weren't just storing him, they were doing something. So …

Jimmy notices that there are other dots, the ones closest to Vision, who are other residents. Jimmy says the ones near the edge of town are barely moving.

Back to Vision. He's found a cul-de-sac to patrol. Everybody's frozen in place, the street lights flicker. Eerie. They're all dressed for Halloween. Does this mean the field is shrinking, or the effects spreading and so it's closing in, slowing and then freezing people who were earlier moving about just fine? Vision is unaffected by this whatever it is. He turns himself into himself and flies off, up above the town. part of the town is dark, and part alive with voices and laughter.

He spots a car at the edge of town. It's Agnes. She seems frozen-ish, but when he asks what she's doing there, she says "Town Square Scare. Where is it?" all robotic like. Vision helpfully tries to give directions. lol. "Took a wrong turn, got lost" she says.

Vision touches her head and she wakes up. "You! You're one of the Avengers. You're Vision. Are you here to help us?" "I am Vision. I do want to help. But, what's an Avenger?"

Hmm. Well, I guess he did say last week that he couldn't remember anything before Westview.

"Am I dead?" she asks. "No, why would you think that?" "Because you are."

What was news coverage after the Snap like, do you suppose? I mean, ridiculous, of course. But, like, I think they had bigger problems then wondering about snapped/dead Avengers, didn't they? Well, maybe not. "WHERE ARE AVENGERS TO HELP US?" or "HOW DARE THE AVENGERS NOT HELP US!" "TOTALLY THIS IS ON THE AVENGERS!" "WE'D ALL BE DEAD WITHOUT THE AVENGERS!" "NUHUH! BOO AVENGERS!" "EXCEPT VISION WHO DIED HEROICALLY, WE ALL LIKE THAT AVENGER!" "TONY STARK AND PEPPER POTTS SHARE THE DECORATING TIPS THAT TRANSFORMED THEIR RUSTIC RESTORATION PROJECT INTO A CHARMING FAMILY HOME".

Agnes starts screaming "Dead" at Vision. She's not coping well. Vision says he's going to try and reach outside town and try to figure this all out. "How? No one leaves. Wanda won't even let us think about it." I SUSPECT YOU, AGNES! Why would Wanda keep everybody trapped and miserable? I could see if she did it on accident, but this implies she's purposefully hurting people. I don't buy it. Agnes, again, seems to be in the right place at the right time to make Vision doubt Wanda. You're a very suspicious character, Agnes.

She starts to laugh. "All is lost." Vision touches her had and she resets to sitcom Agnes. Somehow she can move again, she turns the car around on Ellis Ave and heads back into town. So, that answers that.

Vision walks across the Eillis Ave to the field beyond.

Meanwhile, Darcy continues to hack. Monica gets a text and says "that's it! My way back into the Hex will be here in an hour." Jimmy's all ready to boost a ride to take her to meet her aerospace buddy. But, Darcy says, nope. Can't do it. Monica's been through the Hex twice, and it's rewritten her cells. "It's changing you." Monica is undaunted. "I know what Wanda's feeling and I won't stop until I help her." Alrighty then.

Jimmy's finally going to get to hotwire a car! But wait, Darcy's not going with them. AD Dick has something hidden behind one last firewall. Darcy thinks it's big and can help them. She's going to find it.

I don't think Jimmy had to hotwire that humvee. It just started right up. Motorpool, pfft - they always leave the keys.

Back in Westview. Halloween continues at Town Square. Pietro asks Wanda where she was hiding all those kids. Whu? Says Wanda. "I assume they were all just sleeping peacefully in their beds. No need to traumatize beyond the occasional holiday cameo, amiright?" What is Pietro. "Hey don't get me wrong, you've handled the ethical considerations of this scenario as best you could. Families and couples stay together. Most personalities aren't far from what's underneath. People got better jobs. Better haircuts for sure."

"You don't think it's wrong?"

"Are you kidding me? I'm impressed. It's a pretty big leap from giving people nightmares and shooting red wigglywoos out your hands." No, really, what is Pietro? "How'd you even do all this?" Hmmm.

"I don't know how I did it. I only remember feeling completely alone. Empty. Just endless nothingness." She looks back at Pietro and for a second he's dead Pietro. Poor Wanda.

Darcy continues to hack Hayward's systems. Cataract classified weapons something something. They're still tracking Vision. Who continues his walk across the field and comes to the hex. He tries to push through it. Looks painful. SWORD rolls out to go overreact at him. He makes it through the barrier, kind of. It's a struggle.

Hayward standing there looking like a jackass "he really does want out, doesn't he?" Like he’s just amused by this turn of events, or watching a lab rat try to get out of the lab.

Darcy's standing behind watching all of this. Bits of Vision sort of fly off and back into the Hex. Darcy says "oh no!" and runs towards him, screaming for them to help him. Way to give away your sneaky hiding, girlfriend.

In Westview. Billy looks up, he can hear what's going on outside. "I hear daddy in my head. He's in trouble."

Vision calls for help, while SWORD prioritizes arresting Darcy. Phil Coulson would never have behaved like this. Boo to SWORD. Vision is dissolving. It's kind of gross and sad.

Wanda asks where Vision is, and Pietro interrupts "Don't sweat it, sis. It's not like your dead husband can die twice." Wanda wallops him with some red wigglywoos.

Billy sees soldiers and thinks Vision is dying. Wanda stops everything and makes a big red boom. The Hex appears to be expanding. Whoops, now you've done it AD Dick. He runs away like the brave brave guy he is. They leave Darcy handcuffed to a jeep. "Are you serious right now?"

The Hex overtakes Vision and then Darcy. Trapped soldiers become clowns, and we're in the circus. Well, SWORD seems like a circus, so Wanda's not wrong. I'm pretty sure Jimmy and Monica made it, but sadly the bravest Director who ever braved also escaped. He deserved to be a circus clown. Better luck next week, Wanda.

Credits.

Well, I just don't know anymore.

Hayward doesn't care about Wanda, except where I think because of this someone will figure out what he was doing to Vision's body. And Vision is ultimately the thing he cares about in all this. I hope Wanda drops a house on him.

Hmmm.

Quit suggesting I watch Age of Ultron next, Disney. It’s not happening.

#wandavision #wandavision spoilers #wandavision liveblog

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