#god I can't even imagine how the survivors feel

[wildernessuntothemselves]

My sister tells me the last thing she said to my uncle was that palestine will be free, and he said "Khalo, we don't want any of that. We just want to live."

That's the last thing he said to her. They just want to live.

[lucabyte]

Finally: The NoHats AU doodles. Plus some sprite edits.

Usually I'd let things speak for themselves and keep my chattering in the tags, but I'll ramble about my context thoughts...

So. First of all here's a link (x) to the Nohats Origin Post for those coming in and going ????.

Anyway. These doodles are not in any obvious chronological order, though Loop going from pilfered bandolier (my headcanon for how Siffrin has all those pockets) -> custom outfit made by Isabeau, is supposed to generally denote 'just after the ending' -> 'a few months down the line'.

And speaking of, Design & Characterisation notes:

Overall: NoHats is suppooooosed to have the range to not just be ULTIMATE MISERY ALL THE TIME (but if you're a major whump/angst fan. go fucking nuts.) so these are supposed to be. The steps toward overcoming and living with grief but. The Misery Is Kind Of The Punchiest Part.... Oops....

Mirabelle: Taking the lead, continuing to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders. In the game proper she's already shown to, while yes, be emotionally fragile at times, be prone to trying to hold the team together. I feel she'd do the same here. It also would help that she'd presumably be medicated again? But I can't imagine her chosen-one anxieities would be super ailed by the death of her friend. I wanted to try and give her more differences? She follows the change belief after all and is thus liable to switch up her style in general... But I didn't have a strong vision for this, so. The ball is in anyone's court. Her design changes here are keeping one of Sif's safety pins a la qpr bonding earring, and has the bell pendant at Loop's (oddly pushy) suggestion.

Isabeau: Taking it. Badly. Depression mullet and beard in tow. However, you best believe he is trying real badly to hide it. Loop very much does not reveal their identity to him because What The Fuck Would That Even Do. That's Scary. but they do try to comfort him while mentally regarding him "off limits". Backs themselves into some very unfortunate corners by alluding to their unfulfilled relationship with their Fighter as a point of common ground. I don't imagine this would go super great when recontextualised later after Loop is inevitably found out. Just in general oh good god what the fuck. this is like a radioactive pit of survivor's guilt.

Bonnie: Taking it probably The Worst. This is a child. Who was already feeling guilt. This is who everyone else is trying to keep it together for. Mirabelle and Isabeau would likely be putting up far less of a front without Bonnie around. They take the hat and take on Pocket Duty. They also have slightly more sif-y hairstyle but... Don't worry about it. They'd have Nille to fall back on once she's picked back up, and Loop almost certainly attempts to redouble efforts on making them feel better but seeing as how closed-off Bonnie can already be, it'd likely be difficult. However they would probably take Loop's identity reveal best...?

Odile: Odile's design.... ! Does not seem to have changed? How odd! Well. I'm sure she's dealing with things in a regular and non-cloistered manner. I already think that a regular Postcanon Activity for Odile could be her finding out about the potential for sif/loop to translate books and thus Knowledge in their native tongue assuming that ability sticks around postgame. Something something culture can never truly be wiped out etc etc. But putting it in this context. Makes it more desperate, more of a deflection for something else.

Loop: Helpful Loop. Well. They win! I feel like the entirety of ISAT being about Siffrin's mental state means I don't need to spill much ink here? You get it I think. I can't outdo the source material man. Anyway I imagine Loop is given clothes by Isabeau before they know who they are, but after they've become genuine friends. The outfit is in genuineness, on both sides from Loop and Isa, in having the cloak be a nod in respect to Siffrin, since Loop's "shared culture" would have to come up vis a vis cultural funerary traditions. Hard to avoid divulging that one...

[imagine-shenanigans]

I've got severe brain worms from @391780 's fic Into Your Veins, and now I'm thinking of all the different scenarios where the 141 are also monsters in the apocalypse. like. obsessively. Also fat/chubby reader because mmmmmm yaes <3

Also this is basically just rambles and ranting over ideas for like, however long this got i didnt actually check teehee

We already have vampire simon so I won't touch on that because that is Specifically Their Brain Worms but I can't stop laughing every single time over the sunflower seeds incident (and every other similar one).

//

Soap as a werewolf is soooooo funny to me. Like he's constantly in this battle of "Don't swallow don't swallow don't swallow" whenever he rips a zombie in half with his teeth in wolf form and then confusion as to why people would think he's possibly infected. "Wdym I'm infected I'm just a little guy. I'm so cute. I wouldn't ever do anything. Smiles." He can't cover distance like Ghost or Gaz can, and sure he doesn't have the same authority that Price does, but he's a damn good soldier, and he's got some of the most sheer brute force on the team. So when Price tells him to start scouting in an area for survivors, he does! He's very thorough, combs over the area with a precision that would make most soldiers weep with jealousy.

He ends up scenting reader before he sees them, watches their little house from a distance. He's not patient like Simon, but he does watch reader for awhile, watches them surviving, all on their own in this little plot of land. Ends up watching your plush hips sway as you set out the laundry to dry. He's mesmerized, as he watches the sweat drip down your skin while you reinforce a few of your traps, go over the house with a fine toothed comb. You can't see him in the shadows, but by god is he seeing you. (And your ass - god he can't stop staring.)

He's not nearly patient enough to wait, so he waltzes right up, thinking his charming smile and accent is enough to win him some brownie points. He's halfway through a pickup line, maybe, when you level a shotgun at his face, completely unamused.

He's in love.

You refuse to go with him, but Price gave him orders and there's no WAY he's letting you go, not after he's seen your thighs and imagined himself using them as earmuffs. Not after he's thinking of a cute domestic life, providing for you like a good mate, and look at how precious you are, threatening him and -

and you shoot him.

Right in the chest, and thank god for the fact that it takes more than a few bullets to kill him because he's tearing through his skin in an instant, bones cracking and sinew melding as he quickly drops into his wolf form (which, jesus christ he's fucking HUGE) to help ease some of the pain and kickstart his healing process. He snarls right in your face and snaps your damn gun in half with his teeth before he tells you he'll be back in a week. (later, he feels bad, certainly, but only for frightening you)

You freak out, because JESUS CHRIST WEREWOLVES ARE REAL TOO????

Johnny's back in a week as promised, after spending a few days in bed and eating anything he could get his hands on all while gushing about the pretty little soft thing he's bringing back. He even goes out of his way to bring you a gift!!! He hunts down a deer on the way through the woods near your home, bringing dinner so he can butcher it and you can cook it because of course he's bringing you back for practical reasons but if he's going to court you no you don't need to know that.

You're gone when he comes to the home, every last item packed away and shoved into the back of the car he'd seen you drive. He's furious that his hard work will go to waste, so he helps himself to the rest of what you've got in the house and decides to store everything away for when he's on his way back to base. Fights his urge to track you down only for long enough to be practical, and then he's on the hunt.

It doesn't take him long to find you - he can run faster than your car can go cautiously while trying not to attract attention from a horde of zombies, and even though he's living he doesn't attract the same attention from the freaks that you do in a car with a gun. He tracks you down in no time flat, smiling as he taps on your window where you're parked inconspicuously to catch a few minutes of sleep.

When you scream, he laughs and waves, threatens with one clawed hand to slash the tires if you don't come out. Practicality wins in this case, and he has a long talk with you about coming back with him. He's sure he's just about convinced you when you slap him, throwing something at him that has him howling in white-hot pain. He can hear your apologies through sobs as you push him and he tangles with whatever you've thrown at him, trying to get it off in a blind panic, and you've driven off before he can stop you.

When he finally has a moment to breathe, the damn thing off of him, he realizes you'd tied together a small net of necklace chains - silver. necklace chains.

He's as angry as he as endeared, really. It's a game now, of fetch, of tag, he's not sure - he just ends up changing pace, gently herds you back in the direction of the base like a cattle dog. You're furious when he finally pops your tires when you're a good two days away from the base, just hefts you up on a shoulder and pats your ass while he walks with you. He's so smug about it too, and by all accounts, he's won your hand in marriage by finding you, whether or not you agree yet.

//

Now, I'm not as familiar with Gaz as I'd like to be (because I got introduced with Ghoap stuff for my entry into the fandom) so please pardon if my characterization is off but I do love him dearly and eat up all content I end up seeing of him.

I'm slightly biased with Gaz being a harpy because I just love the idea of him being a bird of prey like a peregrine falcon (and i think its bluegiragi who has the monster au of him as a harpy?) or a shifter of some sort like a panther or a cheetah (i'm biased towards cheetah actually, because I love the pictures/videos of cheetahs getting emotional support golden retrievers).

Since my idea for this isn't EITHER of those options, please consider reader putting spike traps on the roof for a bird Gaz like stores put up on their signs. He gets real angry about it for a couple days and then figures out exactly how/where to land so he can perch on your roof anyway, scaring the shit out of you when he's just sitting there, chin in his hands, with a shit eating grin when you go to make sure everything's alright on the roof.

Anyway, for this I'm actually thinking fae Gaz - he's been living amongst humans for as long as he can really remember. He's not a changeling, but his mum was fae and she loved his dad. He's visited the fae realm once or twice (and, as convincing as his mum is when he visits her, he nearly forgets about the time dissonance every single visit - none are as bad as the first time, when he had no clue about it, and ended up being gone for fifty years.)

He's sent to greet you when Ghost majestically fails, and Cap'n doesn't quite want to set Soap loose on the poor reader (yet). Ends up falling in love with how clever you are, soft hands slipping into gloves as you pile leaves over the thin nets over the punji pits and bear traps. He's military trained across multiple decades, he's seen all kinds of war (even though he's still relatively young in comparison - he stopped physically aging somewhere in his twenties, but he's barely been alive for like, fifty years) and he's seen all kinds of tricks.

He watches you pour over old books that you've either scavenged or already had, learning how to make simple, but effective traps. The older types of traps are such a clever idea when combined with new ones. The type doesn't matter much to zombies, but the combination of different types will keep humans (and others) on their guard.

He really really really intends to talk to you, instead of lingering in the shadows like a creep.

You end up seeing him, and through sheer luck (or wit, Gaz isn't honestly sure) when he asks that you give him your name, you say; "Give me your name first."

He's stuck at that one, because Gaz has spent years talking around subjects but this pretty little human just points a shotgun at him and demands his attention. He can't even think to talk around the reason he's there when he changes the subject awkwardly, and you insist on his name.

He can't give you his name, his power, not even his nickname, so it ends with him awkwardly leaving.

He's the absolute butt of the joke when he gets back to base after slipping into the trees (so embarrassed that he doesn't take the time to make sure you can't see him do it) and goes straight back to base utilizing a mushroom circle and the sheer willpower to not get distracted as he slips between realms. Makes a week long trek into an hour's worth of walking.

When he returns, he knocks politely, eyeing the newly replaced doorknob.

When he touches it, out of curiosity, he's gobsmacked to find out you've either found a new knob, or cast the old one in cold iron. He touches it three full times in complete disbelief, watches the skin on his hands grow irritated and blister.

You smirk when you open the door, make some shitty joke that he's pretty sure is a twilight reference that would make Ghost furious, and then you tell him you figured it out pretty quickly.

In comparison to Ghost and Soap, his romance is altogether extremely easy - he just keeps visiting every single day, calls you a nickname when you won't give him an actual answer.

He admires your caution, and falls just a little more in love when you call him something stupid like mushroom man.

In the end, what ends up convincing reader, I think, is that he fully gives them his name. It's akin to a proposal, and Gaz isn't quite sure how he feels when you don't realize it as you roll his name - Kyle Garrick on your tongue, testing it. You ask if you can keep calling him Mushie Man and some other stupid nickname and he laughs, presses a kiss to your temple for it. Says it's only fitting, and whispers your full name like a prayer.

He lets you stay in your home a little longer, as long as you need really, laces a misdirection hex into the branches that'll really only work on humans. He comes by every day, no matter what.

When you finally agree, he grabs your face and kisses you like you've given him the sun and stars and hung the moon just to illuminate his way.

//

For Price, I'm going to say dragon price because mmmm hot. Anyway I like to think it's a little bit of everything.

Ghost is the first - you find out really quickly that he fucking hates the counting trick you pull, so you're sure to carry a pocket full of something small just to piss him off if he gets too close. When you don't make eye contact (whether intentional or because you hate it) he's absolutely bewildered that this Soft Little Thing in the woods has so effectively blocked him from getting his job done initially that when he complains to Price, he puts his foot down. Says if Price thinks is so funny, he should send Johnny or Gaz out, see if they can do better.

And Price, sides hurting from laughing so much, agrees to make it Soap's problem next.

Soap returns, a net-like burn across his forearm from where you'd thrown tied together necklace chains at him. He's pissed, whines and moans for hours about how bad it hurts, and Price just snorts and tells him Shouldn't have tried to drag them out, then.

When intimidation and brute force don't work, Price lets Gaz have a go at it.

The man is practically radiating smugness as he goes to win, and Price is crying with laughter when Gaz comes back, his hands blistered and pride bruised. He clears his throat and says I think ah, I think they've just gone ahead and put every guard on the house they can think of. He does not tell anyone that the human ended up catching him in a net for half an hour afterwards, chiding him for the full thirty minutes about trying to open someone's door without asking.

(But Price knows.)

He ends up saying he's going to go deal with it himself to "Show them how it's done."

Really though, he's absolutely smitten with the idea of you. He knows that, given the time and will, his boys would absolutely bring you back - but he doesn't want that anymore. He has to see for himself the cute soft little human in the woods that's managed to catch all three of his best soldiers off guard because all three of them underestimated you.

He can't very well let anyone on base know (especially the civilians) what he is, so he waits until the dead of night to start flying - only does so when he's well past the point of being seen, even if it means he has to fly in his hybrid form, which is a little awkward when he doesn't do it as often.

He's a perfect gentleman when he walks up to your home at daybreak, letting his form go back to human.

He avoids every trap, tripwire, and camera that Simon and Johnny and Kyle had all warned him about so you don't have to spend your precious time and energy fixing them. He knocks on the door and waits until you open it, introduces himself as Captain John Price, love.

Apologies for the heavy handed attempts of his men as he stands on your doorstep. When you slam the door in his face he simply sighs and knocks again. And again, and again, until you finally relent and open the door back up.

He smiles, and asks if he can come in - you say no, and he smiles.

Love, if I wanted to I could push past you, I'm asking to be polite.

You freeze at that, trying to think, trying to evaluate. You're clever, he thinks with a pleased hum, half lidded eyes staring down at you. You sigh, and relent, finally - knowing that whatever battle that you'd be fighting uphill could at least be done over the breakfast you were starting to cook, and you didn't want to waste it.

Something twinges in John's chest as he sits at the table, and decides, like the rotten, greedy bastard he knows he is, that you're his. And not his like the rest of the people he's got, but his. You'll be his, no matter how long it takes him.

He lets you cook in silence, enjoying the mundane domesticity of it all, tucks into the plate of food gratefully, and feels like he's home.

After breakfast, John takes the time to ask you questions. About your past, about your hobbies outside of survival, how many things you've got that'll be coming with. When you remind him you haven't agreed, he chuckles and smooths a hand over your hair and reminds you that he hasn't asked.

You finally ask him what he is, and he blows a mote of smoke at you, watches the realization hit you before you go blank. A fucking dragon? You ask.

A fucking dragon, he responds.

John is extremely amused when you tell him to wait on the doorstep, and you go upstairs for something. When you come back down, you hand him a box full of jewelry (he almost laughs when he notices the amount of silver chains missing.)

He hands you the box back and curls a finger beneath your chin, calls you a silly girl/boy/pet and tells you that not all the stories are true. In this case, they are, of course- but he doesn't need to tell you that he hoards people, not things. That his hoard is every single person on base - doesn't tell you that his most treasured parts of his hoard are the three strong men who work directly with him, that he intends to keep them for as long as he lives, which will still be a damn long time coming, even if he's been around since before the middle ages.

You'll be his favorite of all though, he thinks.

He gives you a week, but tells you that his boys will keep an eye on you, make sure you're still there every day until he personally comes to escort you home. When you remind him, stubbornly, you are home, he laughs, and presses a kiss to your forehead while you stand there, bewildered.

In between that moment, and when you get back to base with him, I can't decide if its better if he ends up singlehandedly destroying a small horde of zombies with fire breath as the pits you've got full of traps fill up, or if it's better if he shows up with a box truck and a few men and they all end up moving you out of the house without asking. Maybe it's a mix of both - you decide!

But regardless, it ends exactly as he wants - you, tucked up into his lap as he reads reports and issues orders. He skips the dating and goes straight into being your husband - makes some sort of quip about being far too old (fashioned) to entertain the thought and goes straight to being married like "it used to be." Even though for a dragon he's still kinda young, hasn't even hit his comparative forties yet, actually. Even though it doesn't really matter, because as far as he's aware dragons don't die of old age so much as they die of other factors beyond their control. It's why he's so carefully cultivated his life towards survival thus far.

John lets you do whatever you want to keep you busy, the only real stipulation is that you come home to him at the end of the day. He's even quite respectful, really. He never touches you without your consent, aside from placing soft kisses on your temple or forehead, or cuddling up to you in your shared bed. (Which you say you only entertain because he's warm, and there's no heating in his room. But really, you love it when he holds you, and lets you hold him with no questions asked, all under the pretense of being half-asleep.)

He acts like he has all the time in the world for you to come around - and he does.

You'll be awfully sore later when you realize he's bound your life to his, even angrier when your teeth adjust and you can start seeing better. He'll pretend not to notice the changes at first to see what you think, and then he'll help you through all of them, cooing and sighing and rubbing into sore muscles as you learn how to control changing into your half-dragon form. Maybe in a couple hundred years you'll figure out how to fully transform into a dragon - maybe not.

[the-dixon-effect]

Daddy Issues

words: 1.1k

Nobody knew about your past.

Not even a bit. Your presence in Alexandria was regarded by the suburbanites as the disposition of a survivor, someone who had really been shaped by the cruel world outside the gates. Even the members of your own group, your family, didn't dare delve into the rocky landscape that was your life before the fall.

Despite the distinct mystery that followed you wherever you went, some could still sense the trauma you had ensued before. It was in the way you walked, the way you carried yourself, in your defensive impulses and your kind nature. And by 'some', this meant a certain archer who you had taken an interest in since the start.

Daryl Dixon was a man of few words, but since the beginning, you knew there had to be something else underneath his thick skin, a hidden treasure of sorts. And how right you were. You two remained by each other's side at all times, never once leaving the other in fear of losing them. If Daryl had lost you, oh God, he would have lost the one thing keeping him going, the light in his life, the oasis in the vast desert that was this harsh world. You had been so kind to him, and seeing you and your perfect smile was like medicine, and of course, he couldn't help but fall for you. He practically knew everything about you, or at least, he thought he did.

"Ya' alright?" he spoke. The two of you sat side-by-side in the front of a truck, heading out on a run. He had noticed your quietness and how it differed from your usual animated, cheerful manner. He rested both hands on the steering wheel and looked over at you. It had not been long since your father had died, out on a run, not unlike your current mission. Eaten alive by walkers, it was a terrible sight to witness for all involved, especially you, who remained silent for days after.

"I'm fine." Quite the opposite. Such a strange feeling, the man who had abused you your whole life, emotionally and physically, trapped you in the ghetto of Atlanta, and forced you to humiliate yourself to make a living, died at the hands of the new natural world? Did he get what he had coming? Did he deserve it all along? Were you supposed to be grateful, or satisfied? You always imagined that your father's death would feel like a gratifying weight lifted off your shoulders, but for some reason, you were never able to shake the trauma, the anxiety of it all. It was as if the world couldn't let you go, and you were being held hostage in your own dark memories.

Daryl might have been the most observant person you knew. You really thought you'd be able to keep the truth from him and he wouldn't know? Maybe, just maybe, it was time to let it all out. After all, if you were going to confess to anyone, it would have been him.

"I can tell you're not, ya know," he drawled.

"You remember my dad, right?" you spoke, softly and quietly. Even with his eyes fixed on the road, Daryl could sense that you were frowning.

"Ya, I remember tha' prick. Shoulda knocked him out while I had the chance." He also remembered your strong feelings against him, and how he had made a scene in the prison once by ordering you around with a less-than-polite tone. Daryl had obviously stepped in to defend you, which practically began your friendship. You thought of this often, and couldn't help but see Daryl as your protector from then on.

"Well, it's just that- I don't know, it's stupid," you began. "Can't stop thinking 'bout him. The way he died. It just- It seems wrong."

"Shit. I'm sorry, I shouldn't 've said-"

"No, it's okay. He was a horrible man." He was indeed, and though everybody shared your feelings about your father while he was with your old group, not one of them was aware of what he had done to you before the fall.

"There's- there's things I haven't told you. About him, and, about me." Daryl furrowed his brows. Of course he knew there must have been something deeper within your relationship with the man, but he never expected himself to be one whom you would share it with.

"It's alrigh'," he drawled. "Take your time."

"He hit me. All the time. Whenever he was mad or depressed or drunk, or even happy." The words came so easily, and you had underestimated how good it would feel to release some of this pressure build-up, especially to Daryl. Still, you couldn't help but let your eyes glass over as the memories came flooding back. You weren't sure, but despite the horrific things you had endured, it felt right to let it out for once.

He simply stared at you, and even with his brown hair falling over his eyes you could tell he was in shock. How could someone do something like that to you, the most beautiful person, in all ways, that he'd ever met?

"I'm- I'm so sorry Y/N. I never knew 'bout any of it," Daryl was at a loss for words.

"You wanted to know what I did before the world went to shit?" you paused for a moment, understanding that right now, you could not take any of this back.

"I was a- I was-" tears began to stain your cheeks. "I had to- I was a hooker." Silence.

Shit. How could he maintain a friendship with you after that? You were in total disbelief at your confession. Things will never go back to the way they were, you thought.

You sat there, shaking in your seat, forgetting where you were and paying no attention to your surroundings.

It was true, every part of it. You had been a hooker living in the hood of Atlanta before the fall, and you hated it. Every part of it. But there was no escape from the ghetto, and the route you had chosen to survive was safer and steadier than a life of crime. Still, every day you dreamt of a man who could take care of you, love you for your mind and soul, somebody to treat you right. Had you been shaped by the apocalypse, or had you always been like this?

"It's okay. I'm gon' take care of you. Ya don't have to worry 'bout anythin'." Daryl's soft words came like the arrival of the man you had always imagined late at night. You didn't need a man, of course you didn't. But Daryl, maybe you needed him.

[autistichalsin]

I have very complicated feelings about Halsin's Drow brothel dialogue that I want to share. I want to say, immediately, that I am not telling any other survivor how to feel about this, because we all have our own experiences that affect how we feel about this, and I will ask that you show me the same courtesy. I have had past posts of mine met with rudeness- from questioning whether I really had seen the scene in question to someone accusing me of having a "fetish" for rape recovery- telling me "go do Astarion's storyline instead"- to someone saying "the entire concept" (of trauma recovery, I guess?) is "western nonsense". Do not do that on this post.

The most common statements made as criticisms against Halsin's scene, post patch 5* are the following:

*Pre-patch 5, most of the criticism was about how out of left field it is and how there was no ability to follow up with Halsin about it/ask if he's okay.

It's OOC (or at least just nonsensical) for Halsin; he's a big, strong, wise Archdruid, so it makes no sense that he was raped.

Halsin obviously healed completely from his Drow-related trauma offscreen, and any statements from the player questioning this are condescension and/or infantilization and/or the same as demanding Halsin go through therapy onscreen- demanding all survivors have the exact same cookie-cutter reaction to be "valid".

The presence of the one rude "sounds traumatic, you may need to reflect on that" line means the entire scene is condescension as well.

Halsin's trauma isn't actually trauma/Halsin doesn't count as representation because it was not put in the story in good faith/was a joke, and it's insulting to change the scene to be more serious.

By changing these lines, the creators have prioritized one group of fans (those who wanted to see Halsin discuss what happened to him as an assault, not as a "fond memory") over another (those who felt this conversation was an indication Halsin had already had a complete recovery).

Gently and respectfully, I don't agree with any of these arguments. My feelings on these, point by point, are:

Rape can and does happen to anyone. Quite the opposite of being OOC for Halsin, it's important to have Halsin as representation alongside Astarion, to show that big, strong men can be victimized too, by any gender. Victimization can happen to a wide range of people, be committed by a wide range of people, and can have a wide range of effects on the survivor.

I love healed survivors, and I would love to see more in fiction. However, Halsin never once came across like a healed survivor to me, in this scene or otherwise. He came off like someone deep in denial (or perhaps just crisis mode) who was victim-blaming himself to downplay it. He called his rapists "hosts", himself a "guest, prisoner, and consort", himself a "foolhardy young Druid". Those are worrying ways to describe being made a sex slave for three years. I personally can't imagine how we were supposed to hear that repeated denial/downplaying/use of euphemism and infer healing from that. If that was truly what the writers intended, I think an exchange to the effect of "are you okay?" "Yes, it was a long time ago, and the wounds have healed" would have been acceptable- it's weird to think that wanting to be able to talk to Halsin after that and ask if he's okay is the same as "demanding he go through therapy for us" to some folks.

That one line isn't the best or most sensitively phrased, but it is HARDLY unique in that respect; there are many moments where your responses to delicate situations are awfully callous instead, even your "nice" ones. (See: immediately after Wyll gets his horns, where your nicest option is "The Blade of Frontiers has some explaining to do." No "oh my gods, are you okay? Are you in pain?") The lines following the nasty option include some wonderful choices (and a few callous ones, as per usual); "It's not for me to say- I wasn't there. But I'm here now, if you wish to talk," for example, which leads to Halsin thanking you and explaining that he hasn't had anyone to confide in for a very long time. Also, the offputting "you may need to reflect on that" option isn't the only way to get to the following lines; a Seldarine Drow, for example, can offer empathy by telling him he threaded the needle by surviving Lolth's pitiless followers at all. Sometimes, a writer's abstraction of situations like these can be really hard, and sometimes writers for dialogue trees fail to anticipate the responses players will want to give. (I.E. not foreseeing that players might want to sound less judgmental to Halsin's recovery, or that players' first concern will be with Wyll's wellbeing in the aftermath of him growing horns, not anger at his "dishonesty".) I would like alternatives to those callous responses, sure, but I don't think they imply bad intentions. Occam's razor and all that.

The truth is that we will never conclusively know what the intentions were behind the original version of that scene. However, in following with Occam's Razor, the simplest explanation is the best one, and it is almost always simpler to assume good intentions than to assume malice. With the care this game showed to rape, slavery, and other issues in the rest of the game, I find it much easier to believe that there was just bad conveyance of Halsin's past than I do that it was intended as a meanspirited joke against sexual assault survivors. Even if it was intended as a meanspirited joke, quite a lot of people had already found comfort in Halsin's character. There is no un-ringing the bell, so the best alternative was to improve the writing to address fan concerns.

Truthfully, any decision made could be argued to be prioritizing one group of fans over the other; if they had kept the status quo, they would have been prioritizing the group of fans who liked Halsin's downplaying of his trauma. Ultimately, Larian has shown that they enjoy making changes to the game over time (sometimes over the objections of fans, I.E. Gortash's letter); if they truly felt the true vision of their story was the original version and they felt it important to stick with it, they would have had no problem ignoring those fan complaints. Hell, one of THE most common complaints about Halsin is regarding his polyamory (especially from Early Access fans on the forums, who are quite vocal about feeling betrayed that Halsin isn't monogamous), and Larian has kept him poly because it is how they intended him to be. Larian didn't change Halsin's post-Drow scene solely because of fan outcry- they changed it because they wanted to. They have no problem keeping unpopular characterization beats and scenes in the game. If it were really a matter of "fan outcry = changed scenes" there would be an evil ending epilogue by now too.

Those are just my thoughts on the issue. I am leaving this untagged out of respect for other survivors who may not agree, but please feel free to reblog or comment- as long as discussion stays respectful.

[cerealboxlore]

heyheyhey what if some villain or something uses an ability to show a physical manifestation of how the heroes see their powers (maybe they want the world to see them as selfish/vain?) and captain marvels just covered in chains tying him down

I LIIIIVE!!! so sorry for being late to answering this, hun <3

First of all, I am going wild and feral with that image of Captain Marvel seeing himself that way! The immense burden and responsibility alone in carrying the powers of several gods and ancients is astonishing, beyond the normal human mind, but nowhere near the level of being the Champion of Magic. Imagine that. Being a child who has no one to depend on, and then suddenly becoming a figure of such intense magical power that millions depend on you saving them. Billy never wanted to become a superhero, he never intended to be one, but someone made that decision for him and he can't escape his fate.

Not that it's a bad thing, Billy is more than happy to lend a helping hand to anyone in need, whether it's as himself or as Captain Marvel. He isn't pure of heart for nothing, after all.

Old lady crossing the street? Billy will be there to help. Dr. Sivana stealing from the museum? Captain Marvel is on his way to put an end things. Someone is in a burning building and needs help getting out? Either of them wouldn't hesitate to run in.

It's when he fails to save someone that it sticks to his mind and poisons him with nightmares and guilt. Billy has canonically mentioned before that when he fails to save people, they haunt his nightmares and he looses sleep over thinking about what he could have done differently or better to save them. Sometimes he thinks he shouldn't have been chosen to be Captain Marvel, and that his powers would have been better suited to someone else, anyone else besides himself. Billy is a kid for crying out loud, and yet he's filled with so much survivors guilt, imposter syndrome, PTSD, and more.

The responsibility and power of being a superhero, Champion of Magic, and guardian of the Rock of Eternity all weigh heavy on his small shoulders. Let's not forget Billy's personal life either; a homeless orphan living day to day, working tirelessly to survive and hide away from people who wish to hurt him. It's a miracle this kid hasn't burned out yet. He has too many responsibilities to care about!

Billy is fortunate enough that when he transforms into Captain Marvel, he can forget about his anxiety and worries for a while thanks to his powers giving him a healthy mindset to think with. However, deep beneath the surface, the vessel for the Champion of Magic is just a scared little lost child, crying for his mom and dad, never voicing his concerns or woes to people as to not burden them.

This is why I love your idea of the physical manifestation of how Captain Marvel sees his powers being chains. He feels trapped by his roles in life and doesn't think he can escape them. He doesn't even know if he is allowed to want these burdens and chains gone from him. The chains may seem to tie him down but he is ultimately the one with the key to put an end to it, to never say the magic word again and live a semi normal life. But that's just not the person Billy Batson is. Billy Batson will always do his best to try and save people, no matter what he has to sacrifice of himself in the end.

Maybe the chains seem to be on him unwillingly, but are actually there to represent how he is forcing himself to be a hero to the world.

[bonefall]

How does Fallenleaf feel about how Ivypool and Dovewing were treated? And what do the latter think about her (Dovewing especially, since i imagine she was compared to her a lot when it came to the prophecy. I can definetely see an exasperated Jayfeather going 'Well Hollyleaf took the prophecy seriously before- when we thought she was part of it). Come to think of it, I can see Dovewing resenting Fallenleaf not only for the comparisons made about her, but also the fact that Jayfeather and Lionblaze let their sister know but she can't tell Ivypool even as they grow more distant. (Granted, Hollyleaf was told BEFORE they realized she wasn't part of the prophecy, but who knows if Dovewing is privy to that. >:3c)

Their relationship is, uh...

Skip back 100 years ago, Holly Leaves the Tyrant ruining ancient society.

She killed Jay Wing with her own two paws, drove Lion Roar out through grief, and then tried to stop Dove Wing from taking the survivors to the mountain

Dove Wing beat her ass. Handed it to her on a silver platter. Folly Leaves could break her brothers, but NOT Dove Wing.

Fallen Leaves for 1,000 seasons in a tunnel: "thank god i never have to see that random person who mcfuckin wrecked me ever again i think i would die of embarassment and/or fear"

Lionblaze, modern day: "we missed you so much... we were terrified when you acted like that, I thought I killed you when we... well... it's time to put that behind us. Are you prepared to meet your nieces? ...i raised them. If you hurt them I'll never forgive you."

Dovewing: (IS THAT RANDOM GUY WHO KICKED HER ASS)

And then Fallen learns Cinderheart went through with the plan to raise them with Lionblaze so Poppyfrost could have access

But that Poppyfrost did not TAKE that access.

So basically Cinderheart went through all this for nothing

AND on top of all the other new information (and she can't entirely remember where she "left off." Was that one's name ALWAYS Honeysnake??)

One of those things is the prophecy. That was only revealed shortly before the Fire Scene in BB, and then the Fire Reveal, Firestar dying, the Gathering Reveal, uhh... what was the gray guy she killed's name again? Asterfall??

Her freakout before getting time travelled is the fuzziest part of her life, she can barely remember half of it and the order of events is totally scrambles egged. Did the fire happen before or after her grandpaw died??

But meanwhile Dovewing's been raised her whole life with Fallenleaf as like, this big missing piece in everyone's lives, she wanted to know the truth about her for her entire existence. Hollyleaf was an impossible standard to live up to, her mother's true love and her Firekin's prodigal child before her.

And now she can't. Because this is obviously not Hollyleaf. This is a big, confused shadow. That's FRUSTRATING. Dovewing is trying really hard at this point to not show how upset she is about this. You mean to say the sad ghost she could hear shuffling around in the tunnels her whole life was her long lost aunt all along?!

THIS is what she was being held up to, all her life? This is why she could never take a break? This is the fuss? Some Fucking Guy?!

Meanwhile Ivypool is trying to mimic the feelings her parents feel. She takes a lot from Lionblaze, desperate to signal to them that she's in the family and cares about the same things they do. I don't think she really feels much of anything towards Fallenleaf at first-- but if they all care together then it feels like they've "come together"

And Dovewing's lack of enthusiasm, or even desperately veiled frustration, is like betrayal. CARE with me, we're supposed to FEEL GOOD about this AS A FAMILY. And if you can't then WELL WELL WELL look who's WINNING AT CARING ABOUT THIS, something very NORMAL and POSSIBLE to do! Surely, I am the better daughter, actually.

And while all that's playing out, Fallenleaf is still like, absolutely haunted by Dovewing being that random person who kicked her ass. She deserved it but like... she killed her brother in an ancient epoch and it turns out his sister in another lifetime is now his daughter in this one. What the fuck. And she looks at her negatively EXTRA what the fuck

I want them all to have a few good scenes together, but I don't think their relationship to Fallenleaf is... strong.

She ends up marrying their mom, Cinderheart. I think for Dovewing, she DOES actually think that's nice for them.

But Ivypool feels threatened. She feels she's going to get replaced.

This is while Lionblaze also ends up moving on with Toadstep, mind you. Both parents are finding new mates and having new kits

Ivypool takes it especially poorly, Dovewing has complicated feelings.

Isn't it just peachy that Cinderheart and Lionblaze COULD have been good parents all along? They just weren't, for you?

Hollylark is their half-sib through CinderxHolly, and Snaptooth and Flywhisker are adopted half-sibs through ToadxLion

When Fallenleaf learns the full story, she feels sorry for how the two were treated. She would controversially support Dovewing's leave; but she isn't the type to do huge confrontations anymore. Since her time as a Tyrant, she has a sort of godly, detatched air about her.

So there wouldn't be any chewings-out of her brothers. She doesn't have that sort of confidence in her own judgement anymore. Trying to control others and tell them how they should sort out their problems caused the Kitty Bronze Age Collapse lmao

[exuviiaes]

𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑, 𝐘𝐎𝐔 & 𝐈

i've hoarded your name in my mouth for months ; LOOK HOW LONG THIS LOVE CAN HOLD ITS BREATH.

synopsis : BECAUSE THE WORLD IS FULL OF MADNESS & WRETCHED EVILS, A SURVIVOR FALLS PREY TO THE DEPTHS OF GRIEF AND GUILT INTERTWINED. but in the midst of chaos, beneath the catastrophe, leon knows where his heart lies all along, knows that there is always a home to return to. it'll always be you, he tells you. it always has been. character : leon kennedy quote cr : sierra demulder warnings : MINORS DNI. female reader. word count : 1.6k

THE PROMISE OF A TOMORROW DOES NOT EXIST IN A WORLD WHERE THERE IS AN EVIL WALKING , the dead among the living , tragedy upon tragedy in the renewal of man and MONSTER. the promise of a future does not exist in a world where the end lingers in the shadows, hungry for doom and damnation.

leon kennedy knows of horror and loss as it flourishes in his existence, feels the end of days surge in his bloodstream, but even then, he would endure heaven and hell if it meant coming home to you.

there is no belonging without you, after all, and it is in reunion that you are both reminded of this.

YOU LOVE LIKE IT IS A DESPERATION, a need, a wanting, & you are almost afraid you will choke on this heavy desire, but you succumb to the feeling, drown in the waves. lower and lower and lower you go, mind sinking until everything has consumed you and all you know is the feeling of him inside you.

"leon--" your voice is so fragile in this moment, the longing so prominent in the way it breaks, "i need you so bad--"

it's not enough-- god, this isn't enough. the distance you have shared all these months has weighed too much on the heart, the pressure so hideously insufferable, and even with him beneath you now, your palms resting on his chest as your hips move on instinct, it's still--

god, you can't even think straight, gasps harsh and haphazard, frustration pooling between your legs no matter how much you touch him. you need him more than he needs you, but if you ever dared tell him that, you're almost sure he would spend the day desperately fucking you in means to prove you wrong. your back arches at the pleasure that rushes up your spine, but you can't chase it, thighs trembling as you sink down onto him, feel his cock hit all the right angles.

"please, i--" and you sound so pitiful ; the whimper that escapes drips with such need that you almost sound love drunk, and maybe he'll tease you, make you do all the work, but you swallow your pride anyway because damned if you do, damned if you don't.

"easy there," he tells you, hands on your waist, voice far more gentler than the way his hips thrust up into you, "you've already got me, baby. hope you didn't forget that while i was gone."

and the way he looks at you-- there is something so excruciatingly tender in his gaze, the corner of his lips slightly raised in a knowing smile. there is something about this all that makes the tears surface before you can even realize you're crying ; maybe it's the way his hands are on you or the recognition that he's home safe and sound, or maybe it's the way you are still left wondering when he has to leave again. you swallow that lump in your throat, imagine that you can rid of that sorrow and selfishness and bite your lip so hard that the taste of rust threatens to come. but leon notices all too quickly, a faint flicker of concern on his visage as he pulls you forward until he's kissing you. it's that muddled mess of love and heartache and familiarity that binds you together, and you both wonder how you have survived this loneliness.

"you've got me." he mumbles against your lips, smiling when your body rocks against his once more at the mere words of comfort. "i'm not going anywhere, so be a good girl and show me how much you missed me."

you shudder at the way his hands fall back to your waist, lips peppering kisses along your jaw, voice low and heavy with want. you inhale, shaky, nod aimlessly as you straighten your posture, nails gently trailing down his chest as you sit up. your hand rests over his heart for a brief moment and you almost think you feel that wild beat beneath it all, remind yourself of the humanity that lies under the greatness and kindness and devastation of it all. he trembles at the feeling, laughing softly at that little spark of surprise that lights up in your eyes at his reaction. his thumbs trace lazy circles into your hips as he lightly guides your movements, allows you to take control as you find your rhythm. it's slow and agonizing and tantalizing, this dance between lovers, but leon has always been patient, watching your expressions with adoration as you find the motions, head lulled back and eyes shut as you surrender modesty and humility in sacrifice for euphoria.

patience soon turns to pleasure, dwindling self-control quickly spiraling beyond recover. leon's grip tightens as he tests the waters, resolve thinning and weakening at the sight of his forever taking all of him so well. when he slams your hips down on his, he cannot tell what he loves more: the feeling of you tightening around him or the flustered cry that he drags out of you with each thrust.

"you--" you gasp when he goes faster, feel your face heat up with shame and exhilaration at the noises that fill the bedroom. "i thought you wanted me to prove how much i--" the words die down into yet another whimper at the sound of his groans beneath you. his movements become more aggressive, needy, and he shows no sign that he's willing to be merciful. "--fuck, leon-- you wanted me to prove how much i missed you, not the other way around."

heartbeat to heartbeat, skin against skin, leon knows damn well what his request was, but you are entirely too captivating that he can't help give into his senses, urged with the need to see you come undone.

"sorry," he says, breathless, grinning when you grab his hand as if it could anchor the sanity that gets lost in the flux and flow, "i'll make up for it, angel."

with one hand holding yours, the other releases its grasp on your hip, slides up your waist, frantic touch dancing across your bare skin as it grazes your stomach, then presses firmly as you jolt in response. the sound you make causes your body to burn in embarrassment, but the way leon looks up at you almost resembles something of worship, gentle reverence in blue hues. there's something so incredibly warm in his eyes that draws you in, lures you like sirens in the seas, but before you can even think to lean down and kiss him, he wets his thumb with his saliva and brings it to your clit, the dreadfully slow drawl of the circular motions making you lose your senses entirely.

you're biting your lip again, unable to silence yourself at the newfound high that sends tingles through your body, makes your skin feel like it's on fire.

"you're doing it again." leon tells you, and somewhere in the softness and concern in his voice is an underlying command to relax and give in.

you want to blame him, tell him that your first thought was to cover your mouth, silence all those filthy noises you didn't know you could make. it's his fault, you decide, because he knew exactly what you would do and held your hand tighter because he wanted to hear you. it takes you a little too long to regain your composure, but the moment you think to speak, he's picking up the paces again, and god you feel him so much, feel the way he fills you up as he thrusts in and out at a sickening sweet pace.

now you're the one squeezing his hand like your life depends on it and it takes everything for you to not move away, because it's all an overload on your senses-- the fullness of it all and the way his thumb applies just the slightest bit more pressure on your clit, movements quickening.

you're so close, so close so close -- and he knows this, intends to be the reason for your undoing and ruin, so he tells you it's okay, that you can let go and that you're doing so well for him, taking him so good just like he knew you would. he tells you that he misses you, misses the feeling of you, and maybe those declarations are what puts you over the edge when you finally come, throat ravaged and sore from all the moans and pleas that spill from your lips. it's the way you clench around him, body twitching as you ride that high out, feel him follow you soon after in desperation.

his movements slow, eventually come to a stop. the silence is the bedroom is deafening -- a significant contrast to what it was minutes before, save for the labored breaths that fill the air.

something snarky lingers on the tip of your tongue, but when you open your eyes and look down at him, he's looking at you like that again -- like he's learning what love is again, like he's realizing all over again that you're his happiness, his end game, his ever after, and your mind goes blank, the haze of euphoria all too powerful. so instead, you let out a shaky exhale, smile blithely as you lean down and kiss him.

it's careful, cautious-- quiet, reverent, wanting. it's love, you think, and he tastes like safety and divinity and all you've ever wanted. you lie on top of him for god knows how long, fatigue settling in as his hand wanders up and down your back, slowly lulls you to the edge of slumber.

"i missed you, leon."

he presses a kiss against your temple, tells you he reciprocates the feeling tenfold, pulls the blanket over your bodies to shield you from the cold air.

"--love you, too." you mumble, "might fall asleep on top of you, sorry."

"right where you belong." leon laughs when you absentmindedly smack his chest, words of protest dying down when he holds you closer, warmth shared and known. "love you, too."

[mara-xx217]

Fear and hunger, like I don't mind monster (? If crow or guard or poket cat) and all but what about Pav from Termina??? :3. ;33

With Pav x reader if you don't mind, like I hope you don't mind me blabbing and all but I imagine Pav got curious and got the attention from reader but they(or she I don't mind) didn't notice and all , Pav be like Mine and he thought after the festival am gonna make them mine or something like that lmao

I've been thinking about him for a while and I've been liking him more and more. So here's some headcanons for him and a fem!reader as the Festival takes place!

Warnings for general Pav toxic-ness and shitty behavior

Day One - Day Two

Pav isn't sure why you have caught his eye. Maybe you remind him of someone from his past, from the village that the Kaiser had raised so long ago. Maybe you were just cute to him, maybe you looked like a particularly easy target to him-

He's got some serious shit to do. He can't be flirting with every dame that he crosses... though it's not like there are many left in Prehevil, or at least those that aren't hideously deformed or raving mad.

Fuck it. He's a dead man and he knows it. Might as well have fun while he still can.

Pav is the most obnoxious courter and he fucking knows it. What better way to get a lady's attention other than to be the loudest, most flamboyant man on the battlefield?

He's kind of vile... Leering at you, catcalling you, whistling like the wolf he is. You didn't know what you were hearing at first, so you pretended as though you couldn't hear him at all. For all you know, it was one of the mad villagers losing their minds.

Being ignored isn't in Pav's style, so he will directly confront you and anyone else that might be in your presence and Gods forbid if there's a lad with you, because he will be squaring up for a fight.

Get used to being called 'his good girl', because that's exactly what he'll call you. Over and over again. Maybe it makes you blush a little... Or maybe your face is red from annoyance and anger. All of it is good for Pav.

"You're so pretty when you are furious with me, radiant one~"

He will threaten you with his gun, regardless of the fact that he has little intention to kill you. It's an extension of his person, as a solider, as a survivor...

Becomes unbelievably frustrated with the fact that you do not engage him like Abella or Marina does. No shouting, no 'fuck you's', no attention given to him whatsoever. What, do you think you're too good for him?!

Maybe you're right-

He can't stick around for long... He'd like to chase your skirt all damn day but he can't. There's... unfinished business he needs to attend to. He can't afford to fuck it up, even for a pretty little woman such as yourself...

Day Two - Day Three

He... failed...?

Waking up on the train, Pav is... disappointed that he is still alive. The shame of failure burns worse than the wound across his chest. He's nearly forgotten you, your face, your nice, nice ass in your pretty little skirt...

He's... surprised that you were on the train with him.

Pav isn't the cocky bastard that you met earlier in the Festival anymore. He's subdued. Quiet, almost... thoughtful. He avoids your gaze and has an expression equivalent to that of a kicked dog.

"How... do you feel?"

"..."

He rolled over and went back to sleep. Daan might have been the one to initially doctor his wounds but you were the one that continued to keep him alive.

Why? Well...

Pav was rather pathetic in your eyes. He was compensating for something, though what you weren't exactly sure of. He was dangerous and worse he was obnoxious.

But he was still human, and learning that he had attempted to assassinate the Kaiser had shifted the feeling of disgust that you had towards him into something more akin to pity.

Pav won't talk to you much. He's a wounded beast and you and him both know that he's due to die at any moment.

But it doesn't really stop you from making the last hours he has left at least bearable... More so than any of his time in the damn Bremen army has ever been.

@prettycutebunny, @infinitewhore, @kennbb, @slutwithadegree, @dead-bxxxtch-walking, @space-arsonist, @pink-soft-shadow, @sinlessdesire, @hoemine, @memoryofheather, @horny-3

[rocksanddeadflowers]

Thinking about TBI causing the other three albums. I've seen headcanons before, and I remember there was just the claim that Fort Galfridian came from Yggdrasil but after the Bifrost they lost contact, so HNOC. I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned the other two albums being involved or not, but that would be even cooler. (Also sorry if the details of my ramble seem wonky but if I explore this idea in a fic (never gonna happen huh) then I'd work out the kinks there.)

Like, the Mechs seem to commonly not obey any universal laws, including time, and probably hop around. So it's entirely possible that Raph, Ivy, and Marius sat in an Midgard cell decades before they were actually Mech'd, before the main crew finding the OUATIS war or the war starting at all. Just from unintentionally hoping around the timeline, maybe not even noticing every single time they do.

Then I think about Lyf. Whether you're a fan of them eventually joining the Mechs or not, maybe just believing they went onto a different mortal life afterwards or maybe they found immortality and other people not Mechs related. Just the idea of Lyf hearing these albums, knowing these names and references but everything is unfamiliar and skewed and tragic.

Maybe the prison trio are performing in their cell, or maybe Lyf is on the Aurora, but- imagine they're playing HNOC, and Lyf vaguely recognizes the name Fort Galfridian as a colony ship from the planet Muspelheim (get it? Cause that place is all fire and brim stone? .....eh. It could still be a Midgard ship I just also wanna explore the other planets/realms of TBI) sent out only a few months/couple years ago, or maybe currently in the works. Then they listen further. They speak of abandonment, a broken ship and a lost people, falling into their sun. They speak of years, decades or centuries.

How does Lyf process that?

If it's in the prison era, maybe it's just some twisted fanfiction meant to scare and torment or just annoy the people working with the prisoners. They try to write it off like that, but- they just can't shake the horrible feelings when they thinking about it.

If it's on the Aurora, maybe they try to ask further without giving themself away. Maybe they come to conclusions on their own, or maybe it clicks for someone else on the crew. Either way, they eventually realize they're connected.

Then, adding on the other albums- if there was some butterfly effect from a swallowed system that erupted a three decade long space war, a war that inspired a planet entirely of a city...

Maybe Lyf does live on the Aurora, or spend time there. Maybe instead they wander, and just happen upon these retellings. Either way, it's clicking that Yggdrasil's fall may have gone almost unnoticed, but not without consequence.

I just think it would be really cool if Lyf, left as a sole survivor of their fallen system that feels forgotten by time, like it never existed, finds how much Yggdrasil's disappearance effected the universe as a whole. Part of them aches knowing there's others expecting fates like theirs, or far far worse, because of the Bifrost. But part of them, something twisted with guilt and undulating hues, can't help but feel vindicated knowing that Yggdrasil's fall didn't completely erase it's existence. It still effects everything.

And maybe, just maybe, King Cole's blood shimmered with rainbow when spilt, and the Olympians' towers held bismuth and gold, and maybe The Hanged Man saw the other worldly hues within the rusted wastelands on particularly hot days.

Maybe the Outer Gods claimed everything after all.

[doberbutts]

Thank you for talking about the “able to get to the door but unable to stay inside” thing re:stimulation. My issues are less severe than yours were (creates chronic fatigue instead of severe meltdowns) but it’s kinda the first time I’ve heard anyone discuss them as a legitimate disabling barrier. I still have this “if I just try hard enough” mentality that I’m trying to overcome, and it helps to have someone else go “no, this is a real problem.”

Honestly the brain injury really opened my eyes because I do have ADD and had childhood epilepsy (been seizure-free since I was 8 tho) so we were somewhat conscious about sensory stuff but a lot of it was like. Okay every once in a while you will touch something that is Bad Texture and you will scrub your skin raw about it for the next couple of hours. Annoying repeating sounds fade into the background for you but God Forbid anyone talks while you're concentrating because now they've ruined everything. You'd rather starve than put Tastes Bad into your mouth and have gone to bed with hunger pains many times as a result. etc etc etc for me it wasn't so disabling but largely that was due to my mom knowing how to manage my symptoms and teaching me from a very young age how to cope.

And then with the seizures my major warning sign was a colossal headache that refused to go away which was a sign to go lay down somewhere quiet and dark for a few hours until it passed or else a lightning storm would happen in my skull :D

But the brain injury... that really upset everything. Which is commonly reported, when I was finally able to speak I told my neurologist that I felt like a completely different person and not in a good way and he said that most TBI survivors have said this.

Honestly the best way I can describe it is that. Hmm. Imagine... your TV is too loud. When I say too loud I mean like. It hurts to be in the same room as the TV, it's bordering on the edge of so loud that it makes you physically take a step back. When the TBI first happened, that was any and every stimulus to my senses. My clothes touching my skin was Too Loud. Tasting my food was Too Loud. The ambient light coming from my window was Too Loud. And so on and so forth. Because there was an actual damaged piece of my brain, it was really struggling to parse any more information than "oh, no, ow, make that stop".

I wore blacked out glasses inside because I couldn't stand to keep my eyes open otherwise. I would ask my roommates to whisper several rooms down if they were going to talk to each other or on the phone because even just hearing their footsteps was like someone was taking a hammer to my forehead. I was usually naked because the feel of my shirt against my back would set me off. There's a lot I can't remember from that time but I remember being so frustrated as I hid under my covers from the light and the ambient noise of living with a bunch of people and their pets that "trying harder" and "pushing through" honestly just made everything worse.

It's a lot better now. It'll be 5 years in July. But every once in a while something will still set me off and I will be back in that place, frustrated with myself as I feel my brain hurtling towards a Very Loud Meltdown that I cannot get to stop.

I just don't appreciate being told that it's somehow lesser because my legs work. Especially considering TBIs are so common, and they happen so fast. All it takes is one good knock on the head and then you'll be just like me.

[childotkw]

Ahhh! I'm absolutely in love with your Lucemond fic snippets. The idea of Lucerys bonding with the Cannibal over their shared consumption of dragon flesh is just so *chef's kiss*. Also that line about Lucerys thinking about the way Arrax was still looking out for him even in death. My poor heart. I've seen a few people mention Lucerys surviving and bonding with him, but no one talked about how such a thing could come to pass when the dragon has a history of killing any who try to fly him.

A part of me can't help but think about the utterly dark and unhinged potential of their bond. Perhaps there is no real love and gentle affection between them, not like Lucerys' bond with Arrax, but they have a shared experience and an understanding of doing whatever it takes to survive. The Cannibal is always hungry for the flesh of his kin, and he can sense that same sort of hunger in his newly bonded. It resonates between them. It makes the ancient beast want to nuture that hunger, ensure that his feral little rider survives and grows stronger. The old dragon feeds Lucerys' need for revenge, and the human helps feed the beast's rage and cravings for battle and any spoils that he can claim. It creates a really beautiful and terrifying sort of symmetry.

And now for an utterly depraved idea...

Imagine the Cannibal swooping in and fighting an enemy dragon while Lucerys is involved in some skirmish on the ground and ripping off a chunk of flesh. The Blacks win the fight and the dragon lands and presents the lump to its rider like an offering.

Lucerys is quiet as he watches the great dragon lower its massive head and nudge the meat towards him. He can hear the whispers of onlookers calling his bonded a monster and how they should all fear for their lives. Through their bond he can feel Cannibal's quiet encouragement. Here. The flesh of your enemy. Eat. Be strong. With Cannibal's thoughts echoing in his head head, he opens his mouth and commands, "Dracarys."

The dragon's flames errupt forth, scorching the meat in a controlled burst of emerald fire. The gathered crowd watches on in shock and horror as the Prince draws out a knife and slices away a strip of seared meat. The Cannibal throws back his head with a proud roar as the boy accepts and his teeth sink into his gift.

(Tell me Aemond wouldn't go absolutely unhinged and feral over finding out Lucerys ended up eating Arrax in order to survive and may have just eaten a piece of one of the Green's dragons. It'd probably be worse if it was Vhagar that was injured too. Haha.)

I'm frothing at the mouth with this - it's like you're in my head.

When I thought up the whole symbolic cannibalism of Lucerys eating bits of Arrax to survive, I was so giddy. It happens rarely, but some of the things my brain comes up with honestly blow me away. I just immediately sat down and went yes YES this is what I need.

Poor boy is going to Go Through Some Things under my tender care. Just a dash more trauma and survivor guilt to make him extra spicy.

Lucerys will be walking a very fine line for most of this - and god am I excited to dive into his bond with Cannibal.

The unspoken understanding between them, that soul-deep connection, distorted reflections of each other…it'll be so good.

Lucerys' gradual shifts in personality, guided by Cannibal's own - it's like being caught in the tail of a comet. Cannibal is old, he has been around since the dawn of the Targaryen dynasty, and Lucerys is so young, too young to be able to keep himself grounded in the face of such a force of nature. Cannibal's hunger, that insatiable bloodlust - it'll start to bleed through, and Lucerys will be made into something new.

Especially in the beginning, when their bond is so fresh, Lucerys will feel the need to reinforce their connection. But once they've settled into their new dynamic, that will be when it becomes…routine for him. Normal. The disgust and shame mostly doused by the heady rush of power that comes from being a predator.

Once the war begins in earnest, and they are too valuable to leave wallowing on Dragonstone, Lucerys takes to eating his meals with Cannibal. He doesn't always partake in whatever prey Cannibal hauls in - sometimes it's enough for him to simply mime that act; but more often than not he'll return to camp with animal blood staining his mouth and hands.

The men are unnerved, Targaryens have always been…queer to outsiders, but who are they to question a dragon? Who are they to question Lucerys Velaryon, the rider of one of the largest dragons alive, and who is said to be unkillable?

No. They merely avert their eyes from the boy when he returns from visiting his beast, keeping their thoughts to themselves and praying that the day never comes when they are seen as prey.

(And as for Aemond? Well, when he hears the rumours surrounding Lucerys, when he hears how he drenches his pale skin in the blood of his kills, when he hears the way people speak of the boy with hushed fear instead of scorn…he can't help but laugh.

Because Lucerys had always been a violent, hungry little creature.

It's just now that everyone else sees the truth.)

[minalblood]

I'm back and I'm so sorry! I won't make any promises for the last 2 ep of the Winchesters, but I will be reviewing/rewatching them anyways just ... who knows when, I dont!

But let's get started on You've got a Friend 1x11.

I hopefully will be a bit less rambly since O have a draft of my thoughts already written for this and its less... as Im watching (i can post that too if yall wanna but dunno if ull understand my handwriting)

We begin where we left off and I love that we have this scene of them needing to clean up, adds realism, adds dimension to the world. Love also that we begin with Lata being the Lata we all love - dejected in this case about her chimera paw was ruined. Queue Carlos with the teasing. The 2 of em banter a bit before Mary redirects us all to the matter at hand.

And Mary has come a long way in these episodes, because she may not join the banter (still closed off somewhat as opposed to Carlos and Lata's easy repartee) but she is going off of it and adding them into her area of interest.

But all stops when John come in blood soaked and in shock - Mary instantly worried he might be hurt, but nope, not this time.

I am so happy to see them portray the actual shock and numbness John is feeling, then the guilt and sadness, just all the reaction to Kyle's death really. And considering the survivor's guilt John is lugging around, it makes it even more heartbreaking. I also love seeing that Mary is the level headed one here - she,.imo, is clearly pushing down the grief to focus on John's issues here, hell we see very little of her grieving in this episode and everytime we do, she's quick to redirect that feeling into action - sometimes into violence point blank. She does it here, asking what the Akrida could want, she does it even moreso with Millie, where she does open up a bit since Millie is offering comfort, but then it turns into Millie coming with a plan which directly leads to Mary wanting to storm the police station guns blazing and the ep ends with Mary and John discussing Kyle (also god Mary looks absolutely exhausted here, fuck) but Mary derails it by saying they need to find Dean instead. She's def not allowing herself the moment to deal with Kyle's death which may prove relevant when discussing next episode.

I'd forgotten this ep was the Lata episode. Like ep 8 was Carlos', this one is Lata's. And god does it hurt.

1st, move the feather boa, Carlos!

2nd, I do genuinely believe Lata and Maggie were together. Everything in this episode points that way to me (but especialy the sweetpea nickname) We'll round back to this though.

The other thing we note in the sequence in Maggie's room is how close Carlos and Lata are to each other. Which we knew, but I always love seeing it again in action.

Before we continue with the emotional core of this ep, we have to get back to plot with Betty! I love Betty..I also can't blame her for being ....hesitant to say the least. Like imagine what she's seen so far: the guy who, before leaving to the marines illegally, proposed to her, is suddently interacting with, apparently, imfamous Mary Campbell, who is seen at several murder/investigation scenes suddenly appears ro have killed someone? And she already knows John had anger issues before hand. Like i get her here. And still shes trying to be nice while doing her job.

Which leads me to the next part, her job. So the detective... he's wording (even with him being really Akrida) echoes a lot of corrupt cop rethoric which only gets further emphasized when he later threatens to have John... killed 'accidently'. And, on top of them, speaking pf policw corruption even a 'good cop' like Betty becomes complicit simply because of the power the Akrida gained via the detective role cuz she was unwittingly helping them throughout.

But god, was John a bit too cocky here. (My notes have this marked as "this is why you let villains monologue, John!"). Especially since he actually doesn't have any info on Dean. (Love that we see the pic of Dean, missed him) l.

Meanwhile Lata and Carlos have found the bracelet and it's fucked them over. Also, I fucking hate the shadows thing, very creepy. Also also it reminds me of the daeva that Meg uses in s1 of SPN. I'm also reminded of SPN with the story the detective tells John about how they'll get rid of him - SPN's own crooked cop ep featured exactly this sorta plan too, but in killing Dean.

Really though, the main thing I found interesting upon rewatch is just how much Lata is our Dean mirror in this one. Specifically, in getting targeted by the bracelet she's forced to relive a trauma (Sania's death) via Carlos acting as substitute, only this time she succeeds where prior she thought she failed (which lemme make clear, no, Lata was at no point and in no way at fault, but she did internalize that guilt - much like Dean tends to internalize guilt) . Which Dean, much like Lata ends up doing when getting involved with this universe, ends up reliving a trauma (his parents death - Mary especially) of something he failed, in his mind, to prevent/save via rescuing this universe's Mary. And much like Lata, who can't undo what happened to Sania, but can "begin to make it better" (the Hey Jude line just hit me so I had to use it), so too can Dean. It won't change what happened in his life, wont save his mom, but it will help him heal nonetheless.

Adding to this Maggie? Who opperates as a Cas parallel here - she was Lata's person, who shared everything with Lata but Lata couldn't in turn for fear of judgement/shame, who notably is dead and thus Lata can't ever reveal her secret to. Well, it hurts is what it does.

But watching this I noticed another interesting thing though, for all that the bracelet seems to work like Osiris (pulling on the guilt the person feels is most agregious), the bracelet actually seems to want the wearer to get out. Carlos is taken just as Lata begins wondering which secret it's trying to make her face and is sent to Sania's room - direct answer. Then later,.even more blatant, using Maggie's face, tries to get Lata to disclose the secret, but Lata talks around it instead til the creature takes her too.

It seems like Erebus had a test for his warriors, one he wanted them to win.

Throughout all of Lata's story, I was seething. I truly hate her family and Carlos was 100% saying exactly what I was thinking.

Another thing I appreciated though, about Carlos, is the emotional maturity. Yes they were dying and yes it was urgent that Lata disclose her secret but Carlos made certain to reassure her throughout. Tried to give her as much space as possible.

In other thoughts, Lata's mom making that "vs family" distinction, uuuh it rattled sth in me only to them have Lata say "my parents would never look at m the same way"? In the Dean Winchester show? God, the echoes of John's shitty parenting were deafening. Bur yes to eveything Carlos said. It truly wasnt Lata's fault.

And I adore also the ending conversation between Lata and Carlos (both wearing blue and god I want Carlos' coat) because yes, this kind of stuff shouldn't be forced out on anither persons whim. Lata doesn't have to tell John and Mary anything, it is her story to tell, but also yes, Carlos is right to reassure her that if she wants to share it with them, they'll likely react well like he did. And yes the reason this particular scene hit so hard is partially personal, but because of that it drove me insane in SPN where there was a tendency for people to push other to open up at their own whim (and yes, Sam did it often to mutiple people, hounding them until they cracked and spilled whatever trauma they were trying to deal with but then have nothing to give in return, no comfort or even really reaction, and yes he most of all did it to Dean a lot and it did puss me off) So yea, love this episode for the Lata and Carlos of it all!

Also I have a few questions, when Millie was trying to convince Betty about the supernatural, at one point she said "it's not like-" and cut off. She was trying to defend against the accusation of 'playing make believe). Also, Betty says sth like "Mary, I expected.this from" with relation once more to her not believing in monsters soooo.... has Mary ever been taken in under suspicion of being delusional? Was Millie? Or John?! I've questions ok i need y'alls opinions on this one.

Also, I would've soo cracked if the Akrida asked about Dean, cuz I def miss him a lot and id fucking gush about him at that point.

Anyways, that's it for this one. See you guys next time where we'll be clowning (have I mentioned I hate clowns?)

@noybusiness thanks for push earlier this month, i needed that a lot and thanks for the support for this rewatch ❤

@shallowseeker thanks the new posts, been inspiring me to get back to writing this ❤

[deemee-ed]

Screaming over Maxwell's character arc because I am going insane (+Wilson mentioned because I physically can't ignore him)

oh my god I love Maxwell so damn much y'all, I hate him and I make fun of him constantly but MAN do I love this ugly fuck.

I was playing DST a few hours ago and I was reading all the new lines I had unlocked in the scrapbook, and then I saw this one from Maxwell talking about gold, it was like "I used to care about this once" or something like that, I don't remember

Y'ALL.... Y'ALL......... THIS GUY......

FIRST we see him as the enemy, the bad guy, the villain that tricked the protagonists to listen to him and trapped them all in an eternal hell

THEN Wilson saves him (and I'm just gonna say Wilson because I'm pretty sure he's the only one that canonically gets to the throne???) and it turns out he's just a selfish miserable guy. Not that great of a person, but certainly not a villain.

THEN he's finally free from the throne, and the Cyclum comic (aka one of my favorite pieces of lore) happens. He lost it all. The life he had, gone. The reign he built, lost. He's a survivor now. Doomed like everyone else. And Wilson knows this. So he offers him help. And they have to team up against a common enemy.

The two enemies we've seen since the very beginning, now forced to be allies.

Now, I know Klei never showed us the team forming (except of course for the Cyclum comic), so we don't know what happened exactly between the survivors and Maxwell. But c'mon. I dare to imagine that it must have been terribly awkward. ESPECIALLY for Maxwell. He's suddenly surrounded by the people he used to torture just a few weeks earlier. And now they're supposed to help each others.

BUT WHAT WE DO KNOW FROM THIS ANIMATION, IS THAT MAXWELL DID GET ACCEPTED BY THE TEAM, EVEN WILSON ACCEPTED HIM OH MY GOD

AND NOW HE'S STILL ACTING LIKE A SNOB, SAYING STUFF LIKE "I can't believe I'm reduced to this.", BUT THEN HE ALSO HAS THIS CONSTANT SENSE OF GUILT OVER HIM, LIKE WHEN HE SAYS HE'S SORRY FOR HURTING CHARLIE

HE'S SO SELFISH AND DANDY, AND YET HE FEELS SO BAD. HE JUST WANTED TO BE A COOL MAGICIAN, NOT A FREAKING MURDERER. I HATE HIM I HATE HIM BUT HE HAS MY PITY. I JUST WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY

ALSO little theory for the future of his arc:

You know how he has now made an alliance with Charlie? After she offered him a position of power? Yeah, I don't think he accepted it to betray the others. I feel like the guilt he's feeling is too strong to try and hurt them again. Especially Charlie. I believe he "joined" her team just to have some power back, he knows damn well he's too weak to be useful without it. He probably wants to get everyone out of the Constant, ESPECIALLY CHARLIE.

[klonoadreams]

Is shanks going to leave mako and uta with luffy? Does this mean they'll be part of the asl siblings? How do you think harp will feel about the free grandkids dropped on his doorstep?

Uhh...yes and no. Yes for Mako, no for Uta. Garp just hella annoyed about Mako like, why did you give me this little criminal as she's gnawing on his fist. But he loves her anyways, thinks she might be more understanding than Luffy, realizes that oh no, there's two of them. And Garp just goes "Fuck me side ways." and proceeds to just get her gifts cuz he has a softer spot for her, but also hoping it keeps her from biting him because DAMMIT, he doesn't want to spend the evening pulling out the fragments of her teeth out of his fist and clothes - he can't ignore it like others do. THE SENSATION FUCKS WITH HIS SENSORY ISSUES.

This is what I call the Mihawk approach, where you effectively bribe Mako with candy and little gifts to get her to behave. She'll be a little shit still, but she'll hold back here and there. :V

Anyways, I just finished watching One Piece RED and I'm devastated but also, this is where the butterfly comes through for Uta.

Remember, because Shanks was in the West Blue for a while, taking care of Mako, he and his crew didn't come across baby Uta. So Uta had a very terrible time with the pirates she was with, as she was just effectively used to earn money for her singing and otherwise do chores.

She ends up still with the Red Hair Pirates and otherwise adopted by Shanks, when they come across her and the pirates that have her try to start shit with them. and Mako is just "Keep, keep!!" like she sees this filthy little girl who is older than her, and she senses so much HURT, that she's just "hey, come with."

And of course, it takes much, much time for Uta to wind down since she's in fight or flight mode, much like Sanji. Which is why the two definitely get along.

though, by the time Shanks heads to Foosha, it's just Robin, Uta, and Mako that's left on the ship. Sanji's left for the Orbit, and Law has, unfortunately, gotten his Ope Ope no Mi to save his life (with a cost).

We still got what happened on Elegia, except you got Mako and Robin who were there to help out when shit went down, so they know exactly how Uta's devil fruit works, but they don't know the real truth behind the destruction.

what you effectively got is survivors on the island, but more of a Naruto post Kyuubi attack, with some people being in the know about Uta and the attack, and those that don't, keep their distance from her because of what they see from others, and even if that wasn't the case, the fact that she came from Shanks, who took the blame for it, then...YEAH.

Uta's not in a good headspace, but...she's a lot less idealistic and a bit more stable in that sense, but she GENUINELY wants to help people because she's BEEN through what they've been through this time from her own experience. The wake shrooms just do a damn good job at making her less emotionally stable, the more that she eats after all.

and because I say so, she gets to live. SHE GETS TO FUCKING LIVE, the difference of having people to communicate around with knowledge of the devil fruit, thus also cutting the time it took a bit more. So she gets to fall asleep after all is done. And just rest up.

I'M STILL HURT, UTA WAAHHHHHH

Mako and Uta are both alike, in that they've both been left behind by Shanks. but the difference is that Mako kept her dream, while Uta moved on from hers. When they meet up again, you can definitely imagine the slight betrayal, like "WHY DIDN'T HE TAKE ME TOO"

"HE LEFT ME BEHIND TOO. HE LEFT THE BOTH OF US BEHIND."

and they're both crying and hugging. They're especially close sisters god dammit.

[crimeronan]

How does the general population feel about Luz taking over as Empress?

GOD this is such a good question. had to sit on it for a few days to ponder. am STILL pondering honestly. and if i end up writing proper fic set after the transition everything i say here will likely be scrapped and/or retooled but

the first question is what luz's reputation is outside the castle BEFORE belos dies. inside the actual castle she has a reputation for eccentricity and being very weird and saying weird shit and being impossible to read due to her chaotic personality.

(she isn't even TRYING to be a Crazy Unpredictable Eccentric type. but it manages to work in her favor because no one fukkin knows what her Deal is)

she has spent very very very little time outside the palace though, and when she HAS been outside she hasn't interacted much one-on-one with the general population. so i think that it's likely that the belos propaganda machine has worked, i think he probably made an active effort to establish luz as The Chosen Human Here To Save The Realm According To The Titan's Will because.... he's an asshole enamored with colonialism and cultural genocide. and this is a great way to cement a human supremacist legacy in the isles or whatever, without ever outing HIMSELF as human

What An Asshole .

after belos's death there's about a week of extremely public succession-oriented events and whatnot that luz navigates as carefully as she can. she already KNOWS that she puts her foot in her mouth when talking to people, so i imagine she does a lot of Active Listening and notetaking when she's conversing with people. so that she can compare notes with hunter later and figure out who's an ally and who's a two-faced monster. she's already covering up a murder and all of this extra performance fucking EXHAUSTS her, but i think she's actually better at it than she expects.

like, she already knows that everything the coven heads and corporate business types say has a double or triple meaning, so she's good at keeping her cards close to her chest and not making them promises

and then when interacting with more common people she is like. WAY more engaged and active and questioning than belos had been in like fifty years combined. she's not even playing a role she's just THRILLED to get to talk to NORMAL PEOPLE for like the FIRST TIME EVER. EVERY CONVERSATION IS SO NEW AND EXCITING

so like. i think it probably varies by individual and there may be variations in different towns based on whether she's committed any major faux pas....

but my INSTINCT is that. all of the coven heads and other powerful people find her fucking terrifying because they're like. 92% sure she killed belos (she did in fact kill belos) & they can't figure out what kind of game she's playing. everything she does seems so whimsical and calculated at the same time, this girl is a social chameleon political genius, she's way more enigmatic than belos, also she will probably murder anyone who gets in her way. and then go back to smiling and chatting very friendly-like with all the survivors

(there are elements of truth here and there in all of this but.... the idea that luz is faking her weird chaotic personality or her friendliness is 100% false. she really is just that excitable and ADHD.)

MEANWHILE. the general population are of course mourning the emperor they had for 50 years, most of them are too young to remember pre-belos times so it's like. losing a universal constant. but luz already had this reputation as a ~*~*~divine chosen one~*~*~ and then she ACTUALLY SEEMS TO CARE SO MUCH AND BE SO NICE. WHAT. average boiling isles resident thinks that the new empress is awesome and if anything happens to her they'll kill everyone in this room and then themselves

as for how people react when luz starts openly implementing more anti-empire laws or undoing certain laws already on the books or forming alliances with prior fugitives/undesirables..... that's a thornier political tangle that i'd probably need to unspool in actual fic. there are too many different variables involved like the coven heads, general propaganda, outside threats, wild witches, the emperor's coven, the titan himself, the on-the-books laws, school curriculums, etc etc etc. figuring out exactly how luz interacts with these factions & exactly how she uses her power & exactly what ripple effects this causes would require a VERY detailed plot outline.