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whats-rambled-rambled · 3 years

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Long Nights - playlist

You can find it on Spotify here.

Eddie Vedder - Long nights

I’ve already talked about it in another post a bit, so--

For the first time, I had a full series figured out even before I started writing. All the arcs, main plot points, even the final conversation! I even had a 3h long playlist with all the songs that would come in handy along the way, but still, none of them was the one (so basically same thing that happened with Smoke series)

I started thinking about the main theme and/or drive for our new Reader, and then it hit me. There already is a story with that vibe, and it has such an amazing soundtrack.

So I opened Spotify and browsed through the album.

And I found it.

The overall mood was not something that was going to be helpful at the beginning of the series, but oh my, those lyrics were it for all the things I had planned.

//Have no fear

For when I'm alone

I'll be better off than I was before//

That’s R, all right. Not afraid to be alone, she prefers it. Nothing can hurt her, unlike when she gets too invested. Commitment issues and whatnot.

//Long nights allow me to feel...

I'm falling...I am falling

The lights go out

Let me feel

I'm falling

I am falling safely to the ground//

Knowing what I was about to put R through, this looks only fitting, don’t you think?

Chapter 1: Sigrid - Don’t kill my vibe

I could see LN!R so clearly. I wanted to explore some of my favourite rogue tropes, and she was perfect for it. In my head, she was definitely younger than the other two from my previous series. A bold type, a joker, but serious when it comes to her craft. Not with the same heavy emotional baggage (not at the start, at least - I felt like, opposed to Smoke!R who was more about distracting herself when she felt too much, our new R would be more about denial, or hiding her issues behind her jokes).

I found this song on some random playlist, and I knew it was her.

//You shut me down, you like the control

You speak to me like I'm a child

Try to hold it down, I know the answer

I can shake it off and you feel threatened by me

I tried to play it nice but

Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh

Don't kill my vibe

Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh

Don't break my stride//

To me, that was that moment she gets dragged into the car. Not having the obvious lies TP feeds her, definitely finding them all and the stuff they throw at her hilarious, calling them out on their bullshit without thinking twice over it.

//Guess you're surprised I'm the puzzle you can't figure out//

That got me an idea for part 2 and the coffee situation - come on, you know I can’t resist that trope when it comes to Neil, I think it’s an excellent way to get to know the characters a little bit and tell something more about the dynamic.

Tom Grennan - I might

To me, it’s another character introduction song.

//Oh I love, oh I love, love my freedom//

....you already know what I’m getting at, right?

//Don't want no one taking up my time

Staying on my mind, changing up my life

Don't want no one messing up my bed

Fucking with my head, it's no lie//

That’s her. R hates to be manipulated, that’s why she’s mad at Mahir. I didn’t want to put all the angst here, but I knew there was something deeper hidden there, after his comment about her trust issues. I didn’t know what exactly, but I knew it would come in handy later.

There was one spin on the story I was playing with - where she actually lets them all lead her on for a while, a whole elaborate ruse to get her invested and onboard, but that was a lot of drama quite early on, and I wanted this to be a lighter series (oh shush, I am well aware how that played out in the end, I tried, alright? Not my fault I apparently can’t come up with a story without sprinkling it with a shitload of angst)

//But when you look at me like that

I might//

See, this is when I stopped. I didn’t think R would be falling head over heels for Neil right from the start. That’s why the heart beating faster at the end of the chapter was supposed to be about the lock and something finally sparking her curiosity, taking her out of the boredom of everyday life.

Kings of Leon - Find me

That’s more chapter-specific.

//I really wanna know your name

See your face, know who you are, who you are

How did ya find me, how did ya find me?

What are you looking for, are you looking for

How did ya find me how did ya find me

Up in the shadow, picking up my load//

I found it quite fitting the moment R meets Neil again and he drags her to a back alley, and then again, in the car. She isn’t scared, more like fascinated, she finds the whole thing exciting, even.

American Authors - I’m born to run

Oh my god, the vibe of this song! This is that need for freedom and carelessness I needed to tap into.

//I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young

Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run

I'm gonna spend my time like tomorrow won't come

Do whatever I want like I'm born to run

I wanna see Paris, I wanna see Tokyo

I wanna be careless even if I break my bones

I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young

Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run

All these things I've seen and done

I live my life like I'm born to run//

The Pretty Reckless - Prisoner

Another random song I found one day while I was cooking breakfast. I was like “oooh, I dig that!” and then I listened to the lyrics and I knew I needed it for this story.

//You could have my body

But you can't have me

I know I'm a criminal

Don't you tell on me//

That’s it. Her. I knew that would be handy for the moment Neil breaks after all the teasing. And that criminal bit. I mean - come on!

Missy Elliot - Work it

(This is technically part 2 but it was messing with the flow on the playlist and I’m leaving it here)

Okay, this is quite meta and corny, because this is probably one of the oldest jokes you can find for Tenet, and I’ve been battling with myself if I should even put it here, but I referenced it in the chapter, so here we are. I’ve loved this song for years, and when I was trying to think what would R listen to while she tries to clear her head while she works on the bloody inverted lock - that was the only thing that seemed appropriate.

//Come on

Is it worth it? Let me work it

I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it

Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i//

...you see what I mean?

Chapter 2: Praise you

God, okay, this song - when I heard it while I was working on the story, it brought a movie-like montage of scenes in front of my eyes. You know the type, when they try to show you how the time passes, how someone progressively becomes better at something. That was Neil, working on those locks. R giving him tips, then teasing him. The way he loses his cool, only to slowly gain confidence, and then how she ups her game, both of them getting their bits of satisfaction from the whole game.

//We've come a long long way together

Through the hard times and the good

I have to celebrate you baby

I have to praise you like I should//

Have I ever told you when exactly I got the idea for the series? When I was writing that hostage situation fic and the moment R remembers her lockpicking sessions. I thought - what if it was the other way around? What if that was Neil who was about to start learning about picking locks?

It had so much potential for ✨hand content✨ and how could I resist?

...And I knew that R would see what I’m seeing, and she would rather like it. And the image of a very flustered Neil while she teases the hell out of him? Yep, yep, yep.

Sam Fender - Start again

This one definitely starts that montage as well, the repetition of going over and over again. Even if the whole song is definitely heavier than I needed, I decided to keep it, mostly for this part:

//Let's start again

Let's learn to talk

Without the fear of being heard

'Cause everybody's listening to everything and everybody

Let's pull the cord

Move below

Let's start again//

Chapter 3: Billy Raffoul - Difficult

Ah, Billy. And when I found this one, I got goosebumps, because I instantly knew that if I had to choose one song for them, it would probably be this one.

//You never get lost in love, you only get lost in me

You never can get enough of whatever you think you need

No matter how hard I try I never can beat this rush

Ain't nobody get me high, feel lighter when we touch//

This fits them so well, innit? We know how R feels about this whole love thing, she enjoys a good shag, and I had a feeling that after such a build-up, that night together would be something quite amazing, for both of them.

//We never get lost in love, we only get lost in sheets

You'd rather just shut me off whenever we get too deep//

That’s the moment when they have a vibe check in the morning. They had fun. Is it gonna affect their dynamic? They’re attracted to each other, they understand one another. Can they keep it casual? We know that R can, or at least she thinks so, but what about Neil? We know he’s a soft idiot, but I specifically imagined a bit younger version of him for this story - he had to be, if he was just learning about lockpicking. So the whole “no dating, just sex” could be fine with him for a while, but would he catch feelings anyway? Probably, yeah. And sooner than later.

//And now I'm standing in the rain

And your hair, it's falling in your face

And I know we're doing the right thing//

Not the rain, but shower, kinda works too, right? And I already knew that the rain would be a pretty important factor a little bit further into the story.

//But I can't help wondering, who will take my place?//

Ouch.

//On and off, difficult

Too in love to let it go

Now, who's gonna hold me like you do?//

The emotions in this bit, dear lord. It’s this high that takes your breath away, sweeps you off your feet, scorches the reality, and leaves no survivors.

That being said, I don’t think they are really in love at this point. They really care for each other, though, that’s where the softness comes from.

//Hmm who's gonna hold you like I do?//

I literally gasped when I heard that last line. Hits right in the heart, just as I like it.

Rhys Lewis - Waking up without you

There’s something in this song that makes it incredibly sexy. It was great for the morning after vibe, where they don’t really have enough of each other yet.

//Skin on skin

We didn't finish what we started

Heart to heart

I'm missing your love//

Keir - Probably

The way it flows? How powerful the chorus is? It’s heavy, hot, and just makes my heart beat faster.

//Colliding were the walls

And I forget where I began

I wish I could remember love//

Holy fuck. It always makes me think of something awakening deep inside R, definitely not ready to be acknowledged at that moment in the story.

//Probably underneath

There's a remedy

Possibly in the air

In the oxygen I breathe

Probably//

And this part is just mind-blowing. There’s this longing there, and if that feeling isn’t perfect for something more steamy, then I don’t know what is.

Dermot Kennedy - Glory

This one just… expands my heart? I don’t know how else to explain it. Especially the chorus. And then when I think of it in the context of the story, I somehow place it in TP’s office, when Neil gets all protective and doesn’t want to risk taking Reader on a mission where something can so easily go wrong, only because he isn’t prepared enough.

//A set of eyes had pinned him

Became his version of a kingdom

She's everything the devil can't be

When she's singing to me "Glory"//

Maybe that’s when he starts to realize that he cares more than he thought.

Rhys Lewis - Living in The City

If the previous song was Neil’s perspective, we’re back to R. Just look at the lyrics:

//I've been living in the city too long

I've been given everything that I've got

Been a sinner and a saint

Crazy, and sane

I've been living in the city too long//

We’re kinda circling back to part 1, that need to skip town, right?

//There's a part of my soul that wants to let go

Wants to just run away

But the rest of my soul says I should stay

I should stay//

And now we’re back when she can say that the mission is not her problem, she did the best she could, and TP can go fuck himself. Is it just that she feels responsible for her student? Or she likes him enough so she has to make sure he succeeds and comes back? Or she sees a friend in need, something to open, and doesn’t think twice about it?

Chapter 4: Bastille - World gone mad

God, do I love this song.

//So this is where we are

It's not where we had wanted to be

If half the world's gone mad

The other half just don't care, you see

You don't want to fuck with us

British to the very last

When it feels like the world's gone mad

And there's nothing you can do about it

No there's nothing you can do about it//

It felt so accurate for the part when R gets to see all that inverted reality? There’s a slight heaviness of heart there, and it matches the mood when she feels overwhelmed. On the other hand, there’s a bit of hope, the feeling of not being alone in this mad world, and that’s all that matters.

Who’s Molly - Touch the sky

Badass. Pure and simple. It hypes you up, brings a smile to your face, makes you believe everything is possible.

//We can never see beyond that horizon.

And no one knows this road and where it's going to lead.

But there's one thing, one thing that's for certain.

We'll make it through.

If you were here with me.//

That softer bit with inverted guns. And later on, throughout the chapter. They both find comfort in each other’s presence on the mission, after all.

//I wasted so much time trying to find a meaning.

I never looked up, couldn't seem to turn around.

And then you crashed in, and you gave my life a reason.

You pick me up, so high and my feet won't touch the ground, no no no.

Never would have thought I could win this battle.

I was left for dead, every hope in tatters.

We're going to set the world alight tonight.

Cause we can touch the sky!//

That’s the excitement and fun they’re having on the training grounds, not at all stressed about what’s to come.

//Close your eyes, free your soul.

You feel it, don't try it, then you’ll never know.//

Ah, and we’re here at my favourite reference to feeling something, thank you Mr Nolan, sir, so useful.😌

Dermot Kennedy - Young & free

Another one by Dermot Kennedy, and definitely not the last.

//All that she said to me stays with me, never to die

Held me brand new in the silence that went through the pines

Like I said already darling, I don't want you looking back at all the ghosts left behind

Know you'll stay near me so road remains hopeful this time

We were young

We were free, come on now, let it go//

The little whiplash in the mud, where they share a short moment, before they follow with the crackheadery, maybe partly to push back from coming close to something more meaningful. Because it’s there already, kindling, waiting to be spotted and recognized.

James Gillespie - Don’t let me get me

Okay, so - the original song by P!nk was always something that resonated with me, so when Spotify recommended that one, I was like “okay, I’m not sure why but let’s try it.” And then it brought me to that scene in the container.

//I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me

I'm my own worst enemy

It's bad when you annoy yourself

So irritating//

To be honest, I didn’t plan on R to have such a strong case of a mean brain. It was supposed to be a lighter series 🙃. But as you already know, those characters have minds of their own, and it kinda sorta happened. I knew it would be more of a simple panic than full-blown panic attacks that haunted StuckIn!R, topped with pretty loud intrusive thoughts causing her to spiral, especially when she was exhausted.

Ruelle - Oh my my

Listen to that one and tell me you don’t want to go on a sneaky mission, I dare you. I even had it noted as my title song, but then I switched to Bastille.

//I can feel it in my bones, in my bones

Hear it rumble like a drum, like a drum

Like a vapor in the wind, in the wind

You never see us creeping in, creeping in

Oh my my, oh my my

You never stood a chance

...

Ready or not, here we come//

The vibe is just amazing. The low-key hype? Is that a thing? It must be. And those drums! Even quite fitting for a patter of rain, one might argue.

Speaking of rain--

Chapter 5: Dermot Kennedy - After rain

The title alone is perfect for this chapter, but the rest of it - my poor heart. This chapter and the finale have some of the most beautiful and/or heart-wrenching songs I’ve ever heard, and this one is definitely one of them.

//But it's alright because

You cause lanterns to light

And force demons disperse

And if Lucifer may fear the swift drying of tears

Then, for evil, you could not be worse

But I see you now, yeah, I see you

And release me now, kinda like dreams do

And I see you now, was hard to see you

Just don't forget to sing

Remember everything//

So we have Neil storming off from the bathroom because he’s clearly going through something. The immense guilt brewing inside him, overflowing and backfiring, when he can’t cope with seeing her so battered, knowing that she may never fully recover, and just because he hesitated out there. The fear is there, but also other feelings he tries to keep in check now.

I had that image of R asking him to stay, then just breaking down in the darkness. I was aware it would only add to the issues Neil already had, but it would be nothing compared to the fact that she needs him, and he’d be ready to push everything that bothered him away to comfort her.

Humming a lullaby that he promised her in the container. And R recognized it (kind of), because he used parts of it to plead with her to stay with him after the fall, so she could one day hear the whole thing, because she took that rain check and she needed to cash it in, right?

...yeah, I like breaking my own heart, why? (should I write that part one day?)

//If you think just maybe it's her

Then promise me, young man, you're gonna let her know

You won't go lonely, yeah

It'll all be better in the morning

'Cause while you sleep, I'll build a wall//

Aquillo - Six feet over ground

Whenever I hear this song now, my mind goes to that scene in the bathroom.

//Today's the day I found myself alright

When I look ahead, pretend it never came.

I found a way to keep my head above

But the hardest part is to say 'No it's not'

Well I'm okay, and I'm still breathing

I'm still six feet over ground

But you don't need to know now

You don't need to know how I'm doing//

They both hide how they really feel. That they are not okay. They’re both scared, blaming themselves. Reader doesn’t want to worry Neil too much, but she also tries to convince herself that she is fine. And a moment of peace they share shatters as soon as she downplays what happened aloud, and when Neil goes off, she hides behind yet another joke, and then behind a blindfold.

Aquilo - Silhouette

The one for when R tells Neil goodnight and then can’t fall asleep. //Devil's on your shoulder

Strangers in your head

As if you don't remember

As if you can forget

It's only been a moment

It's only been a lifetime

But tonight you're a stranger

Some silhouette //

When he comes to check in on her, and something feels off. She’s lost, yet finds enough strength to ask him to stay.

//Just hold me//

Nathan Ball - Drifting

//I can see in your eyes

When you lie awake at night

You convince yourself you're fine, it's alright

To keep on drifting

With the drugs keeping you high

They catch you falling from the sky

I keep asking myself why

You stand by

And keep on drifting

…

So tell me what you hold inside

Tell the backstreets of your mind

You're still lonely as a child

Teary eyed

Kept on drifting//

Knowing our Reader a bit longer by now, I knew what would happen if she was to be left alone with her thoughts, in pain, and with Neil being weirdly distant.

Have you ever lied in bed, crying silently, trying not to wake up the person next to you but getting absolutely torn apart by the sadness roaring inside you? It’s a different kind of loneliness, not helping in the slightest when you’re biting back sobs. Anyway,--

//So take my hand and hold on

Take my hand don't let go//

That’s something that happened almost organically with these two. Part of their language, hand touches as a sign of support.

I gotta admit, I watched Shadow and Bone already being in the middle of writing the series and seeing how overused the hand-holding flashback was... it there made me slightly cringe every time it came up in the story I was writing later on. On the other hand (hah), it was so them. It had to stay.

Dean Lewis - Need you now - Acoustic

//Cold light wakes me in the morning,

Your side is empty I was calling out to you,

I was calling out to you.//

That’s the next day after R’s breakdown, but check out the next lyrics.

//But I don't need your love,

I just need your

Talking next to me when I wake up, wake up

Talking next to me when I wake up next to you,

When I'm hungover too.

Cause you're the only one who comes when I'm lonely,

You're the only one who comes when I'm lonely for you,

When I'm lonely for you.

All that I need is a sweet escape,

And all that I need is a sweet escape.

...

Cause I don't need your love

But I just need you now

And I don't need your love

I just need you now//

This, y’all, is R, still convinced that it’s not about love, and it’s so perfectly put into words, but the music and the vocals are dripping with longing, making it even more spot-on for the occasion.

RHODES - Breathe

The emotions captured in this… holy shit. They clench my chest and make me struggle for breath. This could have been a song playing in the background when R wakes up from a nap to Neil having a breakdown of his own.

//Mind break in two,

There's a light in the sky, there's a light

And it's all for you

Dawn colors all

Tell me how do you feel?

Tell me how do you need to heal?//

Looking for his hand, only to find a clenched fist. And when she realizes he’s been crying and she hears how broken he is, that’s enough to make her heart shatter, doubly so because he’s agonizing over something she feels responsible for.

//Breathe, release it all

Come on now, I'll keep you warm

Come on!

Breathe, release it all

Come on now, I need your love

Come on now!//

To me, every “come on”, repeated with urgency, is how desperate she is to make him stop spiraling down when she kisses him, and then again, more purposefully, until he gives in and comes back to her.

Circa Waves - Fire that burns - Acoustic

The one for ✨the moment✨.

//Comfort me, oh comfort me

I'm lighting up

To see the day you run for me

You run for me, my love//

Because they both seek comfort in the act, two broken people mending whole in each other’s embrace. Ultimately, finding there something more, whether they are ready to acknowledge it or not.

//But I've been tied up

For days

And I've been thinking of the things that you say

And I've been wound up

Each way

I need to let you know, to let you know today//

Neil already knows how important she is to him. And that’s what he tries to say between the choked-out words, that he thought he’d lost his chance to tell her how much she means to him.

//You call me a liar

You call me so innocent

But you lit the fire

You lit the fire that burns

The fire that burns inside us

I'm not innocent

I lit the fire, the fire, the fire

I lit the fire//

Oh yes, that bit definitely seeped into the chapter.

The XCERTS - Feels like falling in love - alternative version

//Keep yourself safe, keep yourself safe she said

You broke your own heart but there's no need to lose your head

Keep yourself sane, keep yourself sane he said

You gotta give up, give up, give up the dark

To start again//

You can see it, right?

Outlining the whole story, I knew that part 5 would be the part when they fall in love, or realize that they already might be.

//And it feels like falling in, falling in love

Yeah it feels like falling in, falling in, falling in love

Could save me tonight//

The 1975 - Fallingforyou

//According to your heart

My place is not deliberate

Feeling of your arms

I don't want to be your friend, I want to kiss your neck

Don't you see me I

I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you

And don't you need me I

I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you

On this night, and in this light

I think I'm falling (I think I'm falling), I'm falling for you

And maybe you, change your mind//

They’re so vulnerable there. Everything Neil pours into the act sweeps R off her feet and she opens up and to let him feel the extent of how much she cares for him, unaware that it might be shifting into something from the territory she promised herself not to venture into. Because that’s not important then. Nothing else is. Just them. So simple.

Adam French - Weightless

The light and softness in this song remind me of another Weightless I used for the finale of the Smoke series.

That’s the moment after. Softness. Closeness. Bliss.

//I told ya that you were the only weight on my shoulders

You see you're gonna make it alright

How you're gonna make it alright

When you're gonna make it alright, alright, alright

You say your body will

Hold me in the night

...

Only you can make me weightless

...

Closer is all I ever wanted to be

There for ya so you can be confiding in me

There to break the fall

Here for everybody to see

Weightless after all//

Chapter 6: Declan J Donovan - Perfectly imperfect

I had the moment they fall in love. I knew how it was gonna end, the conversation with Mahir and how it goes from there. I thought that we need some calm before the storm that was bound to happen, and what’s better than a little domestic fluff? A time when they can see each other in a different setting, get to know one another even better. Fall even harder.

And my god, this song.

//You live like you're a secret

One that only I could know

'Cause I said

You know what I want and

I know who you are

I know when I hold you and love you

You'll get up and go before you fall apart//

...that last line hits different when you know what’s gonna happen later, right?

//I'll bring you every colour that I find

In your eyes

You wake me up

And it breaks my heart

That you're perfectly imperfect

You're hurting but you're worth it

You don't know why

I would waste my time

But I'm falling and I mean it

I want you like I need it

There's nothing you could try to change my mind

'Cause I'm in love

So call me when you want me and I'll come running

Find me waiting at your door

So tell me if you're lonely and it won't last long

'Cause I'm in love with you (you)//

That light when the song gets to the part about being in love -- there’s so much tenderness there, and it resonated with the story so much. And the perfectly imperfect line, so so good.

Bastille - Survivin’

The way the song swings and the hopeful vibe is just what I needed for this chapter.

//And I'm not gonna lie

Say I've been alright

'Cause it feels like I've been living upside down

What can I say? I'm survivin'

Crawling out these sheets to see another day

What can I say? I'm survivin'

And I'm gonna be fine

I'm gonna be fine

I think I'll be fine//

As much as Reader didn’t want Neil to be there with her for so long, she really enjoys his company, making the boring and still rather painful recovery period easier.

Ella Henderson, Tom Grennan - Let’s go home together - stripped

Ha, this one! The humour when they tease other words always brings a smile to my face. That playfulness just fits our duo’s dynamic so well.

//Maybe you'll like me the way I am//

Crazy concept, right? And with Neil learning to spot the times when she hides behind a joke, and still being there--

//Feels like I know you so well

You could be everything that I've been missing

I'm coming out of my shell

And I never do that

How did you do that?

It's like I've known you my whole life//

That’s exactly how she feels like. She intently doesn’t think about it though, because if she starts overthinking it… we know what happens. She’s allowing herself to be in the moment, however. And happy.

//You seem like someone I could be myself with, no defenses

Maybe you like me the way I am//

That brings me to all Neil’s animated rants, and how much he appreciates that she always listens. He feels accepted, and I don’t know, it melts my heart a little.

//Baby, I'm in love//

🙃

INXS - Need you tonight

I know I used a cover of this song for another playlist, but the vibe was so different, and you just have to bear with me. It’s one of those songs that sparks the ideas and images, and usually, they involve Neil being a tease and having way too much fun. And as I was plotting the chapter, I thought of R missing out on his shenanigans, and how he could make her see what he was doing, and 😳 oh my. I knew the imagination would run wild. (That definitely might have something to do with a certain scene from a certain movie and a conversation I had with M about how Neil would handle it)

//So slide over here and give me a moment

Your moves are so raw, I've got to let you know

I've got to let you know

You're one of my kind

I need you tonight

'Cause I'm not sleepin'

There's somethin' about you, girl

That makes me sweat//

That’s one sexy song, don’t judge me.

Dermot Kennedy - Days like this

Oh, would you look at that, it’s Dermot again! This one is for that scene on the balcony.

That quiet contentment, like everything fell in its place and life is alright.

//When it's not always raining, there'll be days like this

When there's no one complaining, there'll be days like this

When everything falls into place, like the flick of a switch

Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this

When you don't need to worry, there'll be days like this

When no one's in a hurry, there'll be days like this

When you don't get betrayed by that old Judas kiss

Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this//

They’re in the moment, comfortable in the relationship that blooms between them. More casual and laid-back throughout the day only to get more soft and intimate in the evenings, when the inner demons’ voices grow louder.

James Bay - Chew on my heart - acoustic

The way the chorus explodes? It makes me beam widely and my heart is about to burst.

//Take your time

I'll be right here

I know no one could ever love me better

Take all night

You're the truth that

Is breaking me and keeping me together

Together

I wanna be in your touch

Sleep is so tough

You're burning up my mind

What would it feel like if you tore me apart?

Come on chew on my heart

...

I'm on fire

I'm a hot mess

I'm thinking things that I might start regretting

So hear me out

I need you now

I'm spiraling

I'm sinking down

Look for me I'm sending up a message

A message//

I think it weirdly fits those times at night when Neil checks the bruises. When their minds wander to that first evening, and they still feel bad about how it ended up, the closeness brings them back to the present and grounds them.

Picture This - Unconditional

This one just makes my heart sing.

//This magic, I don't know what it is but we have it

Even when we're sleepless and damaged

I don't doubt it

We're holding on//

That’s exactly it.

//Baby I wish we could take this feeling

And put it away somewhere safe

'Til we need it

Unconditional

I'm so afraid of losing your love//

They don’t need big words. But they feel it, all right. Whether they are aware of it or not. And they are afraid of losing each other, now that they know how easily that could happen.

//Shivers running down my back with your fingers

The smell of your perfume it lingers

And whispers

What I want you to say

Under your skin, underdressed under covers

We bring out the best in each other

Two lovers finding our way//

The kiss, the touch, the skin on skin contact - some of the most powerful reminders that, for now, they’re safe.

BANNERS - Start a riot

But it’s not always about going all the way, because sometimes you just need to be held. And this song just speaks to me of all that tenderness, all the feelings clenching the heart so much they’re unable to say a word, just want to keep each other as close as they can. Just to make sure they’re really there.

//I will march down an empty street like a ship into the storm

No surrender, no retreat

I will tear down every wall

Just to keep you warm

Just to bring you home

I will burn this city down for a diamond in the dust

I will keep you safe and sound when there's no one left to trust

Will you take my hand?

We can make our stand

If your world falls apart

I'd start a riot

If night falls in your heart

I'd light the fire

In the dark, when you sound the alarm

We'll find each other's arms

For your love, all you are

I'd start a riot//

The lyrics are so beautiful, and there’s so much longing there, and the promise to protect each other, to be there for each other, to face whatever life might throw their way together.

Yeah, it makes me emotional, I absolutely love it. Speaking of emotional--

Chapter 7: Stone Sour - Wicked game - acoustic, live

When Spotify recommended this one to me, I almost skipped it. I’ve heard it a million times in different versions and I thought that there’s nothing to be found there. Oh, was I wrong.

I knew what was going to happen in the chapter - Mahir is about to confront R, surprised by what he sees. And he can clearly recognize that they’re idiots in love, even if they’re trying to lay low in the company. He knows what happened to R, why she’s so cautious and reluctant when it comes to any relationships that are more than simple hookups.

//The world was on fire and no one could save me but you

It's strange what desire will make foolish people do

And I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you//

Because that’s how it started, right? With desire. One could argue that our duo had solid banter before that, respect and understanding, all those things, sure. But ultimately, that was all that sexual tension, sparked by the playful teasing, that pushed them into each other’s arms in the first place.

//No, I don't want to fall in love

With you, with you

What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way

What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you//

And when Reader finally lets the thought in and it dawns on her that she is, in fact, in love - she goes into full panic. Not because she feels it’s unrequited, god, she’s not stupid, nor blind (too soon?). But she’s mad at herself that she allowed this to happen. She’s afraid that she’ll get hurt, and to avoid that, she has to run away. And that’s gonna hurt Neil as well, and she can’t stand that, hates herself for that, but she’s so scared that she can’t think of any other solution.

Before we get to that, however, there’s a bit more softness to be shared.

Lewis Watson - Little light

//And all this shade is, illuminating

And all those love lines, are taking shape

And all my worries, disintegrating

And I've been waiting, I've been waiting

And all my days were young and wasted

When I was waiting, oh for you

And all the plans that I've been chasing are always fading

But ever since I found you

A little light is breaking through//

Gotta admit, I had this one hidden in the playlists of other chapters, because it captures that feeling when your chest is filled with light and you’re simply happy. It ended up here, because it’s this feeling when R is melting a little inside when she looks at Neil, when she’s in his arms. And how Neil feels, too.

X Ambassadors - Renegades

Funny, I had this song for both times the team appears in the story. There’s this sense of camaraderie to it that I wanted to capture, when you’re with a bunch of people who are like family to you. You can tease them all you want, but at the same time you’d go into battle with them, knowing that you can count on them to have your six.

//Long live the pioneers

Rebels and mutineers

Go forth and have no fear

Come close and lend an ear

…

All hail the underdogs

All hail the new kids

All hail the outlaws

Spielbergs and Kubricks

It's our time to make a move

It's our time to make amends

It's our time to break the rules

Let's begin//

I wanted R to have a taste of that. To let her know that she’s appreciated for helping with the mission. To get to know them all better, and to make amends with TP, of sorts.

I didn’t want to make his motivation clear. He wouldn’t tell her that he knows how the story ends. That he can’t help that, deep down, irrationally, he made her responsible for it. Even if she’s not the one to blame. (And I don’t believe he let’s that happen, in the end, because that’s too much angst, even for me - again, fuck you, Mr Nolan, sir)

Corey Taylor, Dave Grohl, Rick Nielsen, Scott Reeder - From can to can’t

Christ almighty, this one is so raw! The emotional progression in here just blows my mind.

//Under the water

It's cold and it's grey

My torrid autumn

Another season decays

Open up the Hollow

And my walls come down

I tell you it's a problem

Just when no one's around

But then

I know what's wrong

God, you complicated everything

I know you're gone, gone, gone

This is where I will draw my line

I will draw my line//

To me, it’s the scene with R having a breakdown in the bathroom, and then somehow finding the solution. She has a plan, and enough strength and determination to pull through, at least for a moment.

Chapter 8: Dan Owen - Hideaway

I found this song by accident, and I almost screamed at how perfect it is for the finale (and then screamed for the second time when my dearest friend @connie-nikas casually sent me this exact song one day saying that it sounds like something I’d enjoy). The intensity just tears your heart out and makes you struggle to draw a breath, there’s something desperate to it, and I knew that it would be my go-to song for the part where R sleeps with Neil, trying one last time to drown all the pain and sorrow in his closeness.

I could just paste all the lyrics, to be honest, because that’s exactly what’s happening in the scene.

//It's a long way down

I keep backing away from the edge

And it's a slow burnout

Like the fires that rage in my head

And it's a slow cry out

When you've got so many tears you could die

And it's a long time to wait

When you take all my tears away//

Oh, she’s on the verge of tears, all right. Knowing quite well that as soon as Neil picks on them, he’s gonna stop to make sure she’s okay. That once he starts asking questions, she’s gonna fall into pieces, unable to lie to him.

//My body is colder

Time is frozen

All these feelings have poisoned my soul

And in silence no I can't stand it

Please break these chains and hell I can

Hideaway//

She’s scared that if she’s left alone with her thoughts, they will break her and make her stay. What she fears most (besides that she’s gonna end up betrayed, alone and heartbroken) is how Neil’s gonna react to her actions. The last thing she wants is to hurt him. She just hopes that maybe if she leaves now, it’s not gonna be as painful as it would be if she stayed a bit longer. That maybe he’s not fallen in too deep.

//You're my one way out

And my tears won't save me now

Save me now

I can't stand it

All this loneliness I feel

I can't do this alone

I need someone to remind my feelings

That I've fallen down by the door

It's a long way down and my tears won't save me now

It's a long way down

I keep backing away from the edge

And it's a slow burnout

Like the fires that rage in my head//

Macy Gray - I try

One of the first songs that came to my mind when I was composing the playlist for the series. It may be a tad too upbeat for my liking, hah, but parts of the lyrics are spot on, and it had to be there.

//I try to say goodbye and I choke (Yeah)

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near

Goodbye and I choke (Yeah!)

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near//

It makes me think of the time when they’re in the car. She’s going over the plan, kinda skipping the moment she’d have to say goodbye to Neil. That’s the unbearable part. And when he asks an innocent question and touches her, she crumbles and jokes. Partly to distract him from prodding further, but mostly to distract herself. I didn’t plan on them getting all worked up there, it...happened, but I figured it made for a decent ground for what was about to go down in the hotel room.

Belle Mt. - Hollow - acoustic

//She told me she was hollow

That's far from what I see//

That feeling you get when everything is too much and it leaves you hollow because you can’t take it anymore. A safety mechanism of sorts. It kicks in with Reader, and of course, Neil can sense that something is off. He hopes it’s just her being tired, he knows how she feels after spending too much time with people.

//I told her she was special

She almost let me in

But she couldn't bear the thought of digging up the heart that she's been burying//

We already know it. The thing is - Neil doesn’t. They haven’t really talked about it. Well, they did after the first night, but with all the things that happened later… and with how much affection she shows him? He doesn’t have a reason to suspect something this big.

//Lonely is her favourite

If only I could change it

If I could only save her

But sometimes she's lost, sometimes she's broken

Sometimes she's closed, sometimes she's open

Sometimes she's stone-cold, times she's on fire

Mostly she's everything I desire

Lonely is her favourite place to be//

Galleaux - Tether me

I had it on repeat when I was writing that part when R collapses in Neil’s arms when they’re in bed. Did I mention that I didn’t want Reader to be this emotional in the first part of the chapter? I thought she’d be more distant. Numb, even, here and there slipping up but holding it together until the very end. And then she does that. But it was Neil’s reaction that left me all 🥺. Not only me, apparently, because she let out so much there. I think my heart broke a little when she gave me that make love to me/love me/ never let me go part.

//In this space, do I belong?

It's dark out here in my own thoughts

Pull me back, out of my body

I'm tied to my limbs

They're spinning me out of control

Tether me//

And the way the music builds up only to blow up at 3:11, heavens, and those vocals! It just takes my breath away, fits so well there.

Nothing But Thieves - Lover, please stay

There can’t be a series playlist without Nothing But Thieves! And it’s another song Chels sent me. The way it broke me-- bloody hell. It’s that gentle guitar, it’s the raw emotions in the vocals, and those lyrics! It rips my heart out, in the best way possible.

It’s for that part where Neil falls asleep and R breaks down, fully realizing what she is about to do.

//Lover, I know you're weary

Eyes are tired from the night

Lover, come to the kitchen floor

Tiles are cold, so am I//

You bet your ass she’s having flashbacks to those moments on the cold tiles, but in her bathroom.

//Lover, I feel your sorrow pouring out of your skin

And I don't wanna be alone

If I am tonight, I'll always be//

Lonely might be her favourite place to be, but losing Neil by her own decision hurts more than she thought possible.

//So take from me what you want, what you need

Take from me whatever you want, whatever you need

But lover, please stay with me, oh//

You know what’s the worst, though? As if that scene was not heartbreaking enough, my brain decided to remind me how much it parallels part 7 from Stuck in reverse. Yep. ✨Pain.✨

Foo Fighters - Home

When she walks to her apartment. Crying. Broken. Missing him already.

//Wish I were with you

But I couldn't stay

Every direction

Leads me away

Pray for tomorrow

But for today

All I want is to be home//

About to leave for good.

This is the bit that prompted the final conversation. What even is home to her? Living the way she does, it never was something important. I struggled with that idea, I thought it’s too sweet. But Neil, the stubborn ass that he is, didn’t want to give me anything else, so it stayed - and in the end, I’m happy that it did.

BANKS - Someone new

Okay, this one is perfect with its sadness and longing, but it’s a hit and miss when it comes to lyrics. Take a look -

//I can love you desperately

Though your love ain't guaranteed

Oh, I wish you knew the deal

Gotta learn from far away

And I simply needed space

Space for me to be

And I think you need it too

Though I know you call me selfish for assuming

I did this for you too//

This, this, all of this! You see it, right?

//Everything I do, I'm gonna think of you

Don't know what else to do//

Well, one could argue that they could just talk it through without all the drama, but hey, where’s the fun in that? And running away really seems like the best option to R.

//And please don't fall in love with someone new

I promise one day I'll come back for you//

And here it’s off because I don’t think she plans on going back. So she wouldn’t want him to not fall in love with someone else, because why would she? He deserves to be happy.

//Oh, you say you hate me now and you burn me with your words

Calling me a fool

Saying that I've fucked up everything

And you'll never forgive me//

See, I have a few options for what to do when Neil finds her at the riverside. I knew one thing though - it would never be a full-blown argument and accusations. At first (and when I say first I mean before I actually started writing chapter 1, because I already had the last scene plotted out by then), I thought Neil would be calm, with a kind of “I know you love me too, silly, so what on earth are you doing?” vibe to him, to R’s annoyance. Then, the story became heavier, and I knew Neil would be worried. Lost. Confused. But never to the point of losing his temper, not after that one time in the bathroom. And that’s what happens in that scene. He doesn’t know what to do as he tries to make some sense out of it all.

Agnes Obel - Riverside

//Oh my God I see how everything is torn in the river deep

And I don't know why I go the way

Down by the riverside//

As I mentioned, I knew what I wanted for the final confrontation from the start. That’s why I tried to make that river quite important for both of them, weaving it into the story here and there. That’s why they instinctively go there.

Billy Raffoul - Dark four door

There’s this sad acceptance in this song that just breaks my heart. It makes me think about the moment when Neil wakes up and sees that she’s gone. How he doesn’t know what’s going on, and how his mind slowly connects all the things that felt strange, but he’s unwilling to accept it until he checks Reader’s place. And much it costs him to keep it together when he sees that the bag is gone.

//You got up, you felt you should

I keep trying to myself I would've done the same had I could

I never thought that you would//

Chris Cornell - Before we disappear

Whenever I hear this song, I think of Neil standing there with Reader, hurt, trying to understand what went wrong.

//So how hard can it be to share your life with me?

How hard can it be to rise with me each morning?//

Dermot Kennedy - A closeness

The last one by Dermot. If that isn’t their conversation--

//Keeping her bright eyes focused on the coastline, waiting for you

Isn't she all of us pining for that last kiss

A permanent truth, a means to get through//

Why does she stay up for so long in their spot? Does she subconsciously count on him to show up? Unable to let go, once and for all?

//Deep into the night, eyes closing

Heart swollen with my loving for you

A solid embrace, kind face

And then the hurt starts leaving the room, followed by goons

Sometimes it's open wide and lights the road at night

You've got a heart like the moon

Gather courage, if you're doing something, do it

'Cause she got to go soon//

And when Neil sees her, he wants nothing more than to hug her, he’s so relieved. But then she snaps at him, and he can’t believe that she’d actually think that he planted a bug on her to track her. It’s another wound he didn’t expect, but he waits for her to explain her actions before he lets out how much it all affected him.

Ryan McMullan - Outcry

I was close to making this one a title song for the chapter because as Hideaway sounds like it was written for the time they make love, this one is for the time Neil asks why she left.

//You came a long way to see me

So don't you run off, baby stop pretending that you're fine

What's the point that you're making

Tell me what it is that's going 'round inside your mind

If in doubt, don't fake it

I have known you long enough to know that you can't lie

If you're in love don't be ashamed of it

'Cause even angels fall for demons//

God, of course he saw that she wasn’t alright that night, but she seemed so sure about what she needed that moment that he decided not to push her - they had all the time in the world, he could ask her about it in the morning, right?

And Neil knows when she’s hiding behind jokes. That’s why he doesn’t want to play her game when she deflects what he says about the way she was in bed. He wants her to be honest. Especially since he knows what he saw in her eyes, in her actions, when they were together, and he’s sure it all must have meant something to her.

//I've heard stories, but they're jaded

So give me something more

I only know what I've been told

But I can tell that you're frustrated

And I won't ever pry, I'll only be a hand to hold

If you tell me you're hurting

I'm hurting too, yeah

Don't tell me you're fine - unless you're fine

I'll wait for the outcry

Whenever there is something weighing on your mind//

And Neil knows he can’t pressure her, that’s why he just stands with her and waits. Sweeping his mind over and over again for anything that could have prompted this whole mess.

//If you feel like leaving

Then maybe it's for the best

Or if you feel like you've given in

Oh, give yourself a chance

If you feel like crying

Oh please don't hold it in

If you feel like reaching out oh

Let me in//

His heart is aching when he hears her reason why she feels like she has to leave. That’s when he touches her. To pull her back from her head to something real. To remind her that nothing has changed. That he’s there, and not going to let her go that easily. That he loves her, because he needs her to hear it, so she knows for sure. And when she tears up, there’s only one desperate plea in his mind.

Gavin James - Hard to do

One heavy hitter after another, and this is another killer. The longing in Gavin’s voice clenches your chest and you just want to hide in somebody’s arms.

//Oh, I've been thinking that I don't wanna leave

This house isn't home to me

I'm tired of losing everyone I see

Now that you're here, it's a hard thing to do

Trying to hold on//

Does she really want to leave? She feels she has to, but god, if only she knew for sure her heart is safe, she would stay with him forever. The problem with life is - you can never be so sure. And when Neil shows up… it takes everything, even unreasonable anger, to keep her together.

//Maybe I don't believe that I don't wanna run

But two hearts are better than one

You say you'll stick around but I'll be gone

Oh, I'll be gone

It's a hard thing to do, trying to hold on//

Reader knows that it’s gonna be nearly impossible to walk away now. And she’s afraid.

//Oh, but I need you

Far more than I ever want you

It's such an unnatural thing we do

When falling in love's just so hard to do

Hard to do//

She can’t bring herself to look at him after she tells him what’s going on with her. But when Neil touches her and takes her hand, she can’t keep it inside anymore. Then he tells her that he loves her, and everything floods her at once. Fear. Guilt. Love. All that combined with his simple plea is enough to finally make her give in.

Damien Rice - I don’t want to change you

I had it on repeat since the moment Neil touched her. The softness of what happens there, melting the barriers once and for all.

//Wherever you are

You know that I adore you

No matter how far

Well, I can go before you

And if ever you need someone

Well, not that you need helping

But if ever you want someone

Know that I am willing//

He’s there for her. Always has been, always will be.

//Oh, and I don't want to change you

I don't want to change you

I don't want to change your mind//

Here. I think that’s what is really important about them and their relationship.

//I've never been with anyone

In the way I've been with you

But if love is not for fun

Then it's doomed

'Cause water races

Water races down the waterfalls//

Lucy Spraggan - Run

Ha, this kinda feels like an end-credits song, don’t you think?

//I just to run to the end of the world

Just to see if it's possible

I don't care what I've been told

I want to run to the end of the world

I'm going to run,run,run

Bye bye problems

Run 'til the road hits the sea

You better run,run,run

If you want to be free//

Granted, she didn’t run off without Neil, but found a way to run with him instead. There’s that heart-bursting light and freedom in this song, I think it captures that happiness they found, working it all out in the end.

//I wanna feel invincible

One more mile out of principle

I want to see the whole damn world

One cross road can change it all//

Travelling the world. Doing what they like most. Together.

------

Quite a journey that was.

Thank you all for taking it with me.

#long nights #long nights playlist #bts long nights

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cenestpasmoi-bechloe · 4 years

Text

Merry Pitchmas!!

@chloebeale , Merry Pitchmas! I’m so glad I get to be your secret Santa!! :)

I hope you like this and have a great holiday:)

Everything I Need is Standing in Front of Me

Read on Ao3

“World tour!? Posen! Are you fucking kidding me?” Beca Mitchell shouts as she looks at the blonde across the room, who just gave her the news.

“Yeah, I mean a small one, but you’ll be doing a couple of shows in Japan, then some places in North America, and then go to Europe. This’ll be your last bang before your ‘hiatus’ right?” She air quotes the word ‘hiatus’ jokingly as she sits down on the couch in front of Beca’s desk.

“Hey! Don’t fucking make fun of my planned hiatus. I need a fucking break, and last time it didn’t happen was because a sudden idea hit me and wrote this album, and the rule is, release an album, go on tour. I had to get it over with anyways.“ The short brunette had been planning to announce her break from being in the media every single day when she had finished touring for her last album,

“Okay okay, I’m sorry.” The blonde chuckles. “But it’s a shorter tour. Besides, the company said you can take the private jet. And, my friend Chloe is in Japan teaching English and we can go see her.”

“They better fucking let me.” She groans, getting up from her chair and leaving her office, shaking her head. “I need more coffee. Your friend has to be super fucking awesome if I’m gonna have to meet her. I don’t want to meet any of your super boring friends again Posen.” She chuckles.

“Get me a cup! Thanks!” Aubrey shouts turning her neck.

“Fuck you! You’re supposed to be doing this for me!” She shouts back. Her voice echoes through the office, and the employees look up at her. “What the fuck are you guys looking at?” Beca snaps at them. She usually wasn’t this mean. All the album press shit was getting to the musician, they could cut her some slack on her.

The brunette gets a cup of coffee for herself, and the blonde, walks back and hands her the mug before sitting back down in her chair.

“Thank you Beca-boo.” Aubrey giggles before she takes a sip. “Hmm… You know me so well.”

“Yeah, and you’d kill me if I gave you the wrong kind.” Beca scoffs as she moves her computer mouse, turning her desktop screen on and looking through her emails. “Ugh..” She groans at the number of emails that she has.

“I have most of them read through. I just need you to go through them and check them. They’re basically all brand deals and all the other stuff you’ll be doing during the tour. I’ll send you a pdf of the itinerary and the schedule of the other shit you have to do.”

“God, I don’t know what I’d do without you Posen.” She says as she sips her coffee. “I have to post something on my instagram today right?”

“Yeah, right. And you still need me to list everything you do in the beginning of the day.” She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, and you better make it something entertaining. A picture of a pile of pop tarts wrappers is not quality content.” She once again rolls her eyes and looks at the brunette with a death glare.

Last time Beca had to post, she posted a picture of a pile of the breakfast pastry wrappers and a simple #adulting, and her manager was not happy with it. She had said quality content, wasn’t that some? Aubrey tells her to be relatable, and not too glamorous. Her marketing tactic was for her to be down-to-earth as she could be, so that her fanbase could feel closer to ‘Beca Mitchell’. Wasn’t pop tarts relatable? The only reason that the blonde had let her get off the hook was because Kellogg’s had offered them a brand deal. And still, she got shit for it from the manager.

“You literally live with me! You could’ve taken a picture of me devouring the pop tarts. Would that be enough for you?” She says as she finishes her coffee. “I don’t know, or whatever.” She raises her hands in the air in defeat.

“Then it’ll look like a PR thing! We want fans to think you’re actually putting effort into it.” She says as she gets up from the couch. “Last one to the car has to cook dinner tonight!” Laughing as she dashes out of Beca’s office to the car.

“Hey! Thats not fair!! DUDE! NOT COOL!!” Beca gets up from her seat and grabs her bag, stubbing her toe on her desk before she can exit the office. “FUCK!!”

When she gets to the car, Beca already knows she’s cooking dinner tonight. “So what are you cooking?” Aubrey grins as she asks the brunette. She starts the car and drives out of the basement parking lot of the record.

“Fuck you!” The shorter woman says and then realizes that her mug is still in her hand. “Fuck! Now I’m gonna have to remember to take the mug back to the office for the 1000th time.” She groans.

“Beca, can you stop cursing every single time you open your damn mouth? Maybe you should leave the cursing for the bedroom. Or do you just not need that anymore?” Aubrey casually, and cruelly says to her with a smirk.

This leaves Beca speechless.

They discovered their growing sexual tension for each other about a couple of months ago, a couple of weeks after Aubrey had officially moved into Beca’s too-large ‘bachelorette pad’.

The blonde had been staying over in the brunettes spare bedroom for more than a couple of weeks, since she had started to grow tired of having to go to the apartment every single day in the morning to wake her up, and take her to work. Beca had just told the blonde, “You can move into the other room if you want.” In which the blonde replied with a “I can move in!? You mean you want me to move in so I can take care of you every single fucking morning!?” Which was true, and the blonde did not accept until Beca gave in and asked (aka begged) Aubrey to move in.

One particularly stressful night before finalizing Beca’s album track list, the manager had been up all night with her, both sipping on a glass (= multiple shots) of tequila. Usually, the blonde was long asleep before the brunette was, but on this particular night, she had decided to stay up with her, and keep her company until she was finished.

It was around 3am and more than half the bottle of tequila when Beca was finally satisfied with her track order and songs. The time of night mixed with the over the top amount of alcohol consumed had led them to start making out, then Beca leading them both to her bed and eventually leading to them having sex. It was the pent up frustration between them that made all hell break loose.

They woke up the next morning confused and wrapped around each other’s naked bodies, promising to never speak of this and never do this again. This promise which surprisingly didn’t last long, led to them sleeping with each other once again that following night. Since then, they had a non-discussed friends with benefits thing going on whenever was convenient for each other. They surprisingly did not grow feelings for each other, Beca having commitment issues, and Aubrey having abandonment issues from her father. Beca also felt that it was beneficial for her because this fuck buddies thing with her manager meant that she would have less gossip in the public.

It also seemed to even out the work relationship, since all the pent up frustration could be resolved in the bedroom.

Aubrey drives into the basement parking garage of their apartment and turns the engine off. While she was doing that, Beca was dashing out of the car. “Last one up cooks!” She dashes up and presses the up button of the elevator, and waits for it impatiently. Aubrey sighs and gets out of the car, and locks it, walking over to the elevator as it arrives. “I guess you’re still cooking tonight midget.” She scoffs as she gets in and presses the 21 button inside. Beca pouts as she sits on the corner stool. “Thats not fair!” She says as she waits for the elevator to get to their floor.

“Life isn’t always fair Beca.” The brunette laughs.

The elevator dings on their floor and opens, both getting off and going into their apartment. “Could I convince you to a different kind of meal?” Beca smirks and asks as she pushes the blonde on to the door after they get inside and places a bruising kiss on her lips.

“Maybe, we can see.” Aubrey says as she lets herself relax and get led into the bedroom. “I know we’re gonna get hungry and eat something later on.” She chuckles.

“Maybe, we can see.” Beca mocks her as she kisses down the blonde’s neck.

As soon as Beca gets to the blonde’s collarbone, she gets turned around by the taller woman and pushed onto the bed. “If you’re gonna be bratty, I’m gonna treat you like a brat.” She smirks and grabs the brunettes chin, and then let’s go, starting tp unbutton her striped shirt. “You know I don’t like it when you’re bratty Bec.” She calls her in her ‘sex only’ nickname.

“Fuck..” Beca mutters as she sits up a bit to take her jacket and the shirt off. Before she can lay back down, her bra is removed as well, and then a puff of the blonde’s breath hits her nipples. “Bree, I want more,” She tells her.

”If you were less bratty, we could’ve gotten straight to the point sweetie.” She chuckles as she teases Beca’s nipples with her fingers. She squirms under the blonde’s touch and lifts her hips, her hands reaching her back and holds on to the blonde. “Don’t you dare leave marks Beca.” Aubrey says at the nails trying to claw into her back. She lowers her hands down the brunette’s navel and then singlehandedly unbuttons her jeans before letting her fingers explore. “God damn it Bec…” She feels the pool of moisture between the shorter girl’s legs.

“I need you… fuck… please…” The brunette shivers at the contact. “Please Bree…”

“Well, since you asked so nicely..” Two digits enter the brunette, and a moan escapes her mouth.

“Fuck…. Bree..” It seems like ‘Fuck’ is the only thing that is able to be released from her right now. Her head is blank, and she feels the blonde’s fingers hitting just the right spot. She’s definitely gonna leave marks. She can’t resist but to dig her nails into the blonde’s back.

“I told you Bec. Don’t leave marks…” Aubrey says as she takes her finger out of the brunette and grabs her wrists. She grabs the handcuffs from the nightstand and puts one of the cuffs on the brunette’s wrist. “Hands up Bec.” She says and the brunette obeys, allowing the taller girl to cuddle her hands. “This is what you get for not following instructions when asked nicely.” She smirks.

“I’m sorry….” The brunette knows tonight is going to be a long one.

“If you’re sorry, why don’t you follow when I asked you nicely?” The blonde says as she enters the short brunette with two fingers and lays her thumb over her clit. “Huh Beca?…”

All the brunette can make out are moans and curses at this point, and she’s a whimpering mess, coming up to her release. “Bree… I’m gonna…. Fuck…” She shrieks when the blonde stops all movements and removes her fingers again.

“I never said you could come Bec.” She smirks again. “Do you want to Bec?”

“Yes… Please Bree….” Beca whimpers as she squirms. “Please…. let me come… Please…” She blushes.

“Since you asked so nicely…” The blonde says as she fingers the brunette once again, and kisses Beca for the first time since getting back into the house. “Come for me Bec…”She whispers in her ear just the way the brunette likes, and kisses her. The brunette shakes under her and reaches her climax.

“Holy shit… that was hot.” Aubrey snickers as she lays on top of Beca out of breath, just as much as Beca is.

“Damn…that was amazing.” The brunette breathes out and then her handcuffs clink. “Uhh.. Bree?…” She lifts her arms.

“Oh. Sorry. “ Aubrey giggles and gets the key from the nightstand and frees the brunette’s wrists. “Here ya go.” She chuckles.

“Thank youuuu.” The short girl says as she wraps her arms around the blonde. “Lemme make you feel good Bree.” She smiles and kisses her as she lifts her neck up.

She twists her body and turns and lays on top of the blonde. “There we go.” She smirks and kisses her. “You’re wearing too much clothes.” She unbuttons her pants and pulls her pants down along with her thong and throws it somewhere in the room. She unhooks the blonde’s bra and she flings it away as well. “This needs to go too.” She giggles and kisses the blonde.

They both fall asleep together, exhausted, and Beca wrapped in Aubrey’s warm embrace.

-A Month Later-

“You ready?” Aubrey asks her as she closes her last suit case. “You have the ear plugs you always bitch about needing on the plane. Right?”

“Yes General Posen. I have it in my bag. I just need to fit all this in.” Beca says as she tries to zip the suitcase up.

“You know you’re not going to college right?” The blonde chuckles as she rolls the two suitcases to the door. “We’re gonna go to Japan for a few days and then we go to New York, Detroit and Chicago. We’ll be home in two weeks Beca.”

“I know, I have to make sure I have everything, just in case.” She says as she zips the suitcase up eventually. “Plus, we might get homesick. I have some macaroni and cheese and some other stuff.”

“You’re hilarious.” Aubrey laughs as she rolls the suitcases to the door and checks her phone. “The car will be coming in 5 minutes.” She goes around the pad checking all of the lights and the plugs.

-Hours Later-

“OH MY GOD WE’RE LANDING!!! HELP ME!!! OH MY FUCKING GOD POSEN!” Beca panics as she feels the plane depends.

“Beca, chill the fuck out. You’re fine.” Aubrey grabs her hand and rubs her back. “We’re almost there.” She says to her as she gets up and sits in the seat right next to her. “You’re okay. Shh…”

The plane lands safely and Beca relaxes, letting herself lean on the blonde. “Thank god…” She sighs.

“I told you. It’s alright baby.” She lets the name slip.

They both don’t seem to notice.

“Now we’re here. Let’s go have some fun.” Beca gets off the plane and heads down to the car waiting for them.

“It’s like she wasn’t just freaking out abut landing.” The blonde chuckles to herself.

A few hours later, they’re settled in their hotel room and it’s the weird hours getting to them, and they’re getting hungry at 3pm.

“Dude isn’t there like a sushi place we can go to?” Beca whines as she sprays out on the huge bed,

“I bet there is, dude.” Aubrey rolls her eyes as she texts Chloe, asking for food recommendations in the area.

They were in the Ritz-Carlton hotel in Tokyo because of Beca’s sponsorship with major hotels one of them being Mariott, scoring her the best room at the hotel. Aubrey even got a connecting room which was a smaller suite but very nice nonetheless. Aubrey hoped her friend would know a good place to eat at in the tourist city, although the ginger worked in an area bit away from the city.

She gets a text back from Chloe, with a link of the location of the restaurant. ‘It should be super close to where ur staying!!’ She adds on to the link and also starts texting something again. ‘I could head over to Akasaka tonight, if ur free and not babysitting your celeb singer:)’

Aubrey chuckles and sends back a quick ’thank u Chlo’ and puts her phone in her pocket. “Hey Beca, if you want to go eat some sushi, we can go now.”

At that, Beca shoots out of bed and gets her stuff. “Okay! I’m ready!! I can go now!!” She says like a kid ready to go to Disneyland.

“Okay dude, let’s go.” Aubrey chuckles as she grabs the card key and leaves the room, following the brunette. They weren’t really supposed to go around that much without the group of bodyguards Beca had, but people probably wouldn’t really notice her as much as people in the US would, so Aubrey wished for the best as she entered the elevator.

They eat the sushi as they come down the conveyor belt.

“Hey Beca, my friend Chloe wants to come hang out with me tonight. Do you wanna go get some drinks with us tonight? I know you have no friends so I’m guessing you’ll come with?” Aubrey jokes as she eats her last sushi on her plate.

“Yeah. I guess I’ll go with you guys.”

“I know you want to. Just admit it Beca.” The blonde chuckles as she gets up grab another plate.

“Whatever Posen.” Beca grabs the cake that comes from the top part of the belt. “I could eat a million of these cakes and desserts.” She says as she takes a bite.

“Yeah. We can come back again soon. As long as you pay Mitchell.”

“Fine. But its like so nice, its like a dollar per plate, right? Thats pretty awesome.” She says as she finishes the cake. “I’m full now. You good now?” The brunette asks the blonde.

“Wait I want to have one of those cakes too! Go get a coffee or something.” Aubrey says as she orders a cake on the tablet on the table.

“Me too!” Beca says as she orders herself another cake.

A few hours later, they’ve gotten back to the hotel and now getting ready to go out again to see Chloe.

“Beca, you ready slowpoke?” “Just a minute!!” “Your eyeliner still looks horrible if you take 5 seconds or 3 hours to do!” Aubrey shouts back as she checks her phone. They’re supposed to be at some station nearby in 30 minutes. She knows that Tokyo is small but she needs to get there and its gonna take at least 20 minutes. “C’mon Becaaaaaaaa!”

“Okay! OKay!! I’m ready!” Beca comes out from the bathroom in some skinny jeans and the tank top. She grabs her blue flannel from her suitcase and pockets her phone and wallet.

“You look normal. I don’t know why it took how long for you to get ready.” The blonde rolls her eyes and grabs her hotel key.

They get to Roppongi station and then takes the train, they don’t know how they managed to, but makes it to Akasaka station. Aubrey sees her best friend in the exit and she starts running towards her, and she leaves Beca behind running towards the ginger as well. “Aubreyyyyy!! Oh my goshhhh! I missed you so much!!” The ginger hugs the blonde and picks her up with her enthusiasm.

“Chloe! I’m so happy to see you!!” Aubrey says as she hugs her back.

“You’re just gonna leave me in this huge station?” Beca follows behind and catches up to the two friends.

“Hi Beca!! Oh my goshhhh! Hi! It’s so nice to meet you!!” Chloe hugs the brunette excitedly.

“Chill tiger.. It’s nice to meet you….?”

“Oh… I’m sorry. I’m Chloe Beale! I love all your songs, I especially like Curious.” She smiles.

“Th-Thanks I guess…”Beca mutters.

“Are you guys ready to go get some food, and go get some drinks after that?” Chloe says as she grabs her phone from her bag and starts walking.

“Yeah. Let’s go. I’m starving. “ Beca says as she follows the ginger.

“You had food like 2 hours ago!” Aubrey chuckles as they all walk towards the exit of the station.

“Whatever, are you hungry Chloe?” Beca asks awkwardly.

“Yeah, the tiny humans were a bit crazy today.” She chuckles, “And I’m also always up for good food. But what kind of food would you guys like to eat? Like Japanese food, or Mexican, American? I don’t know, you name it, I’ll try to find a place.”

“Umm.. I don’t know.. Beca?” Aubrey answers and looks at the brunette.

“Uh… Are there tacos around here?” Aubrey laughs as Beca answers.

“Well, tacos it it I guess! Theres a really good place called Taco Rico in one of the buildings and I honestly cannot tell you how obsessed with it I am!” Chloe says as she starts walking.

“I’m so excited!” Beca says as she grabs her phone and takes a selfie video of her walking the streets of Tokyo. “Hey guys! I’m in Japan right now! Look at this! Isn’t this amazing??” She makes sure the whole view around can be seen and cuts off the video. “Happy now Posen? I’ll post it with dinner pics later when we get back to the hotel.”

“Yeah. Better than pop tart wrappers.” The blonde says as she grabs her phon snapping a few pictures of the city.

“I think the pop tart wrappers post was pretty cool. I think it’s an art form and also made me want some.” She chuckles.

“Don’t let her do this Chloe.” Aubrey groans.

“Thank you! I thought so too. It even got me a brand deal. So shut up Posen.” She sticks her tongue out at her. “I have some in my suitcase. Want some?” A small “Oh my god. What do you not have in your suitcase?” Can be heard from the blonde but the ginger doesn’t seem to mind.

“Oh my gosh! That would be amazing!!” Chloe says as she makes a turn. “Is it true that you have the biggest room in the Ritz-Carlton?” She asks curiously.

Beca looks at the ginger who seems to be excited as a kid in a candy shop. “Yeah. You wanna come see it? We can get drinks and stuff up in the room.”

“That would be amazing Beca!”

“You never invite anyone to your hotel room.” The blonde chuckles.

Making a turn and entering a building, Chloe cheerfully says, “We’re almost here!”

“Why can’t I just invite your friend over to my room?” Beca mumbles.

“I didn’t say that.“ Aubrey rolls here eyes as they enter the building.

“So, you basically check the menu and order your choice, subway style.” Chloe shows her smile. “They speak English so its also super nice.”

“Um… Do you have a favorite??” Beca asks the ginger.

“Umm…. I think I like the grilled chicken and avocado tacos. Basically anything is pretty good.” She smiles and gets in the queue to order some food.

“I’m gonna try one of the burritos.” Beca says as she looks at the burrito menu. She orders after Chloe and then waits for everyone else to order so that she can pay. “I got it.” She says quietly as she gives the cashier her card. They make small conversation, as it turns out, the cashier is a fan of the brunette’s music.

“Thank you.” Chloe smiles as she looks at Aubrey. “She’s cute.” She says to her best friend. The blonde makes a face. “What?” She chuckles. “I wonder if she’s good in bed.” Chloe jokingly says and winks, making the blonde choke on particularly nothing. “Oh my god Bree! Youre…” The red head says eyes wide with realization.

“You okay Posen? I can’t have a dead manager.” Beca chuckles, not having heard what Chloe had said earlier. “Where are we eating?” Beca asks the ginger.

“I dunno… we can eat here, or go outside and eat there.”

“We can just sit here and eat I guess.” Beca says as she sits at one of the tables.

“Okay. Sounds good to me. “ The ginger smiles as she sits down right next to the girl.

They eat their food and then leave the place to head back to the suite, buying some alcohol on the way back at a nearby convenience store. Beca has the best time there, spending almost $80 with snacks and drinks.

The trio head inside the hotel and into Beca’s suite. “Oh my god. This room is gigantic!!” Chloe exclaims as she walks around the room like a little kid. “Where are you sleeping Bree? On the couch??” She laughs as she sits on the couch.

“Oh I have a connecting room next door, away from this annoying one.” Aubrey says as she opens the door to her room. “See? I even have a room all to myself.” At that, Chloe jumps off the couch and rushes into Aubrey’s suite room, excitedly screaming as she explores the room. Beca laughs as she heard the redhead cheer excitedly at all the fancy things in her room.

“You know, there’s a tv in my bathroom.” Beca laughs and Chloe comes back into the room and runs to the bathroom and makes another screech of joy. “OH my GOSH!!” She says like an excited child. “This is amazing!” She takes another spin around the room. “Wow….” Now she’s left speechless.

“You can stay here tonight if you want.” Beca says to the ginger. “I can have them roll in another bed.”

“Or you can stay in my room.” Aubrey says quickly. “If you don’t want to stay with Beca. I’ll even let you sleep on my bed.” Aubrey says.

Chloes just stuck in awe, not even saying a thing at the offer from the two.

“I would let you stay in my bed, but I’m pretty sure Aubrey is about to kill me, so….” Beca gets a jab on the side from Aubrey. “Ow! You don’t have tp be so mean Posen!” She pushes her back, but Aubrey not even budging a bit. “Should we open some drinks and hang out for a bit?” She tries to change the subject.

“Oh, yeah. Let’s do that.” Aubrey says as she grabs one of the colorful cans from the plastic bags. “You want one Chlo?” She asks the ginger.

“…uh! Yeah! I’ll take one!” Chloe says as she grabs a can from the blonde’s hand. “You want one too Bec?” She hands the brunette a can. The brunette blushes as she takes the can from her.

“Thanks.” She says as she opens it. “Cheers I guess…” She says and the three clink their drinks together, taking a sip. “Wow.. this is pretty good.”

A few hours and a few drinks in, they all start tiring out. The blonde being the first one to retreat back to her bed at around 12am, simply telling the ginger to come stay in her bed if she needs to, and says goodnight to the group.

Chloe and Beca are still awake, sipping on their drinks.

Beca’s the first one to speak up after the blonde leaves. “So, how do you know Posen?”

“We met in college. Bree and I were in the Barden Bellas, an acapella group. We were co-leaders of the group and best friends. But tell me, how did she become your manager? I know she worked at capitol as a public relations assistant, but I was so surprised to hear that she became your manager.” She asks the younger girl.

“Umm… I don’t know. I got the chance to work with Capitol somehow, and she just became my manager. I think they wanted the public relations aspect to play in with my managing? I honestly don’t know.” She chuckles.

“I really like your music Beca.” Chloe says as she grabs a potato chip and pops it in her mouth. “Especially the mashups you make, BMCoda.” She winks.

It wasn’t a well known thing that Beca made mashups before her debut. Only some people knew her as BMCoda, her SoundCloud username. Some fans had figured it out, but not a lot, and the fact that Beca has never confirmed it publicly except the few hints she drops sometimes on instagram.

“How… how did you know that? Did Posen tell you about it?”She asks.

“Oh so it’s really true.” She says. “No. I figured it out. Your coda necklace, and your voice.” She points to the coda on beca’s neck. “I thought it sounded familiar. And you also stopped posting mashups a few months before your first single. I especially liked the one with Titanium and Bulletproof. That song is my jam. My lady jam….” She chuckles.

“Uh….oh… okay… that’s cool… thanks I guess…..” Beca replies awkwardly as she looks back into the ginger’s eyes.“Yeah. I just couldn’t find the time anymore.” She plays with the hem of her shirt. “My life was suddenly just so busy with all the press and shit… It drains you, you know… all the flashes, all the questions..” "I’m sorry…”

“No, it’s fine. I knew what I was getting myself into. It’s not like I’m gonna be here forever. I’m gonna go to the producing side. I mean, not right away, but soon. After this tour, I’m gonna take a break.” She sighs.

“What are you gonna do then?” The blonde asks taking a sip of her drink.

“I don’t know. Live schedule-less for a while. See where that brings me. Maybe travel? Who knows?” She shrugs as she pulls on the loose string of her shirt.

“Am I allowed to know this secret?” Chloe chuckles. “Aren’t these like top secret plans?”

“I guess I’ll have to kill you now.” Beca jokes. “Or make you sign an NDA.” She says as she grabs her drink.

“I’d rather sign that NDA if you have one. I still kinda wanna live.” She chuckles, putting her drink down. “So, what are you and Bree? I’ve never seen her that visibly jealous at me talking with you.” She says to the brunette.

“W-what!? What do you mean?” Beca stutters.

“Oh, even a blind man could feel see the chemistry and sexual tension between you. You know she likes you, right? She’s never told me, but I know.” The red head says to her.

“We’re not… We aren’t a thing. We’re just friends with benefits or fuck buddies, or whatever you wanna call it.” Beca says aloud for the first time.

“Bullshit. I know you have feelings for her too. You’re just trying to act like they’re not there. You two act like you hate each other, but it’s just you two protecting yourselves from letting feelings actually happen.” She says to the brunette. “You both are just to scared to say it.”

“I-I can’t tell her I have feelings for her, she’s my manager!” Beca says.

Chloe tries to shush her, but it’s too late. The door opens, and the blonde, in her pajama pants and a matching top comes into the room. “Feelings for who?….” She asks.

“Nothing! It’s nothing Posen! J-just go back to bed! I’m sorry I woke you up!” Beca exclaims as she gets up in a panic. “I-i gotta go to bed! Good night guys!” She runs to her room and slams the door shut in embarrassment.

“Beca! Wait….”Before Aubrey can say anything, the brunette runs to her room and doesn’t even hear a thing she says.

“Go, go tell her how you feel. I know you’re in love with her.” Chloe says to her best friend as she just stands between the door and the couch.

“I-I’m not….” Aubrey begins.

“Bullshit. Bree, that’s bullshit. Stop trying to protect yourself. I saw how jealous you were acting today when I was talking to Beca. When you love someone, you tell them. Even if you’re scared it’s not the right thing. Even if you’re scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud and clear. And you go from there. Thats what you do. Now go. Go and tell her. I’m taking your bed tonight. Good night.” Chloe says as she leaves the room. Aubrey hears the lock click from the other side, meaning she had no choice but to go tell Beca.

She knocks on the door of the bedroom, takes a deep breath and walks in when she hears Beca say, “Come in.”

“I’m sorry I woke you up. I really am.” Beca says to her.

“I love you. I’m in love with you. I didn’t want to accept the fact that It was true because I was too scared. I’m your manager and I couldn’t risk anything.”She says in a calm tone.

“And I think you love me too. And if you do, tell me. Tell me and we can stop pretending like we’re always on each other’s nerves. And if you don’t, I don’t know, but…”

Beca’s never seen Aubrey ramble like that. “Bree… stop. I love you too.” She says calmly. “I’m scared. But I love you, I just do.”

Aubrey walks towards Beca, Beca gets up and off the bed.

“We’ll figure it out together. I promise. I’m freaking out too.” The blonde says as she kisses the brunette.

For the first time, it’s not just a kiss during sex. It’s a gentle, loving kiss. Beca melts into it and it feels like home. She lets her arm wrap around Aubrey’s neck and pulls them closer.

“I love you.” “I love you too.” The brunette hugs her a bit tighter, and it feels right.

“I know everything is in the wrong order and it’s crazy, but be my girlfriend? ” Beca asks the older woman.

It’s just then, Aubrey’s stomach growls. The two burst into laughter as the blonde opens her mouth. “Yes. I’ll be your girlfriend. But can we have some room service? I’m super hungry.” She chuckles.

Beca nods, going to the phone and picking it up as well as the menu and gives it to the blonde. “You pick.”

Thank god for 24 hour room service, because at 3:37am, the two have two full plates of warm breakfast foods, right in front of them. They quickly eat the food on their bed, and eventually fall asleep on the bed, talking to each other, catching up on all the things they’ve wanted to talk to each other about.

Chloe wakes up at around 10am in her best friend’s bed, without her in it. She gets out of bed and walks out of the room and into the living room area of Beca’s room to see that the bedroom door is in fact, open, and sees the blonde and the brunette, asleep, in each others arms. She goes back to the other room and sits in front of the TV snd turns it on, watching it until about 11:30, when the blonde comes into the room.

“Morning.” She says to the ginger as she sits next to her.

“Morning. How was it?” She asks her as she looks at her friend up and down.

“What? We didn’t do anything last night…” She mumbles as she turns red.

“Ew! I don’t need to know anything about you two’s sex life! I’m just asking how it went.”

“I told her. Thank you Chloe.”

“No need to thank me, just invite me to your wedding as your maid of honor.” She jokes. “I’m hungry. Can I order something?” She asks her friend.

“Yeah. Of corse. Whatever you need. I’ll just have my girlfriend pay for it.” Aubrey says naturally.

“Oh my god! Girlfriend!? Oh my god! I’m so proud of you!!” Chloe excitedly gives her a hug.

“T-thanks. I-I’m gonna go. Text me if you need anything.” The blonde says as she leaves the room.

“mm... Where were you?…” Beca mumbles as Aubrey comes back into the room.

“I was just talking to Chloe. You know, about last night.”

“Come back to bed.. I miss you..” Beca says as she looks at the blonde. “What did she say?” “She was very excited for us.” Aubrey gets back into bed with Beca. “Hmm… you’re warm…” She mutters as she kisses her head. “Tell me you love me again?”

“I love you Bree.” Beca kisses the blonde, twisting her neck.

“I love you too baby.”

#pitchmas gift exchange #pitchmas 2020 #chloebeale #angst #smut #angst with happy ending #Mitchesen

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technobladetimestamps · 4 years

Text

Sep 29 Stream Timestamps

Timestamps from Technoblade’s “SEARCHING FOR MR. BEAST’S $10,000 TACO BELL GIFT CARD”

Link to my youtube comment with all of the timestamps x

Timestamps with hyperlinks below

00:20 "one viewer that's enough" / "no time to explain" 01:20 threatening Tubbo's life 01:55 Mr. Beast tweet 03:15 "I need to wait for cOnTEnt" / range is way to big for one stream 04:11 needs more server resources / snitch achievement 05:50 "George log off" 06:37 "chat shut up I don't care if you're scared" / "can we kill" (Punz) 08:10 chunk loading / actually recreated a swamp in the nether 08:59 high pitched "I can't see" / might be a long term quest / didn't think this through / got 4 hours of sleep accidentally waking up for the 09:54 "everyone log off I need the render distance" / "Dream your server is trash" 11:44 original stream plan was find a horse and get a mending villager 12:32 "Stay out of here Dream. This guy's strutting around like he owns the place, just because he does" / why wasn't this sponsored by Taco Bell 15:13 plant fake chests / "I'm a bad person" 17:03 got kicked for flying / "YO ANTICHEAT TRASH TOO" 20:42 totally can trick Dream into telling Techno the coords 23:59 clues / checking the tweet 28:02 "this dude's playing minecraft regularly" 29:52 more detective work on the tweet / Hbomb asking about teams in chat 39:25 hints leads to chat making suggestions / finding the Dream SMP seed 41:49 this better not take three weeks / checking Dream's twitter / "he's got nothing useful to say, big suprise" 43:45 everyone in chat is saying different numbers and getting mad / morse codes / the coordinates are in braille 47:54 telling Fundy to leave / murder spree? / "oh god the coder is here" 52:28 saying he found it in game chat / "everyone log off in order of subscribers" 56:22 "without that gift card how would I get enough money to afford it" 58:52 Sapnap quits / "LOSER" 59:50 "I hate trees. Why did Mr. Beast have to plant 20 million of them?" 1:00:44 Dream restarts the server to fix chunk loading 1:02:57 "Can I just get $10,000 in superchat? Then I could afford Taco Bell" / hack the server / worse than the find the button chat 1:07:40 Bedwars practice server 1:11:53 tactical ip address leak / gets onto the server 1:12:42 back home without the horse / tp from Dream / getting kicked for flying again 1:17:15 nobody cares Purpled / checking horse stats / lowercase pog momen 1:19:13 asking Dream for netherite / “I can vouch for Antfrost he was with me in medbay” 1:21:22 getting kicked for flying without even jumping / “im just tryna bhop in peace” 1:23:38 can’t rob Karl he liked Techno’s tweet / badly timed lag / “is it called a chunk error if it’s man made” 1:24:50 going to base to enchant / planned to joke about fighting Dream and the enderdragon off stream 1:30:18 using the sword Dream gave Tommy to farm cows 1:35:20 “My name is Technoblade, and this is my Axe of Peace” / maniacal laughter / “We’re going to keep so much peace with this axe” / axe > sword 1:38:48 started stream before he realized the tacobell hunt would take that long 1:40:17 Mr. Beast did not put that much thought in it / fake arg scenario 1:43:17 “Do you believe in gravity” “My belief in gravity has been shaken” / trash talking a creeper 1:46:10 not looking for Brick v2 he sucked / “thank you everyone that said bless you there chat” 1:49:24 “Don’t Philza me” / killing horses for having bad stats 1:53:52 very large sun

#technoblade #technoblade timestamps #SEARCHING FOR MR. BEAST'S $10000 TACO BELL GIFT CARD (DREAM SMP)#dream smp

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thelemoncoffee · 4 years

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Okay, I recently came across something that pissed me the fuck off and I wanted to address.

WARNING! TALK OF N*ZIS BELOW THE CUT

I have an infinite hatred for people who hate kokichi solely because of the minor n*zi references in his promo art.

My reason being is because not only do those small references mean absolutely nothing to his character as a whole, but people who do that are blatantly ignoring the entire existence of UDG and Monaca Towa. You're going to tell me, that despite that entire thing right there being blatantly n*zi inspired, you're going to target Kokichi for a hat in a outfit that wasn't even used in game???

let's Talk Monaca for a minute here; She had that whole h*tler style speech in the anime, actually canonically wore an outfit similar to the one that Kokichi is getting canceled for during a good majority of her appearance in the anime, she used Monokuma helmets to brainwash an entire army of kids to kill all adults because "adults are demons", straight up was a whole ass actual fucking dictator, genuinely manipulated a lot of people, killed thousands, and actually hunted for people who were in association with people who were her enemies, that being Future Foundation

But sure, people go right on ahead and attack Kokichi. Like for christ's sake, the guy runs a group of 10 clowns who do graffiti, TP houses, steal trinkets, and have a strict no violence rule; how are you going to actually compare that to n*zis because of a design used in a promotional art for the game?

Yes I understand that n*zis are bad, and you shouldn't be ignorant of them; but at the same time, you would think the fan base would be more mature and not just take this small bit of information and run like the fucking wind with it when there are characters who have far stronger parallels to n*zis. Kokichi and Monaca both part of a video game franchise that is centric around teenagers being kidnapped and forced to slaughter each other in order to be free and see their families again for the love of god.

This game is fucked up and so are the characters, if you can't handle this kind of serious stuff, why the hell are you interacting with Danganronpa content?? I'm not intending to sound like I'm gatekeeping, but if you genuinely cannot handle this kind of stuff, don't subject yourself to it by interacting with the content of this game. It is not a game for the faint of heart and you need to understand that and get a head on your shoulders.

I am not going to stop posting Kokichi content, or having him as a comfort character because somebody made vague parallels to n*zis with one piece of promotional art involving him

If you have a problem with that, I kindly ask you to leave my page because it's not going to be a safe place for you.

#nazi tw #danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #ultra despair girls #udg #ndrv3 #kokichi ouma #monaca towa #dr3 #danganronpa 3

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border-spam · 5 years

Note

So one thing that REALLY bothers me about the story is Aurelia. I never finished the Pre-Sequel or played as her, but to me there was NOTHING within BL lore that indicates she held any ill will towards her brother or any desire to run the Jakobs corporation. Her insertion as a villain felt like it came out of left-field for me, especially since she's a previously established character. So could you possibly explain to me how and why she suddenly decided to take over Jakobs and kill her brother?

Uhh.. severe head trauma leading to shift in personality?

In honesty, I have no idea how to justify the bizarrely OOC rendition of this character in this game.

Her vitriol towards Alistair came from practically nowhere, and TPS made quite clear she had no real interest in pursuing riches further as she was already infinitely wealthy. That means there just isn’t any logical reason she would want crusty old Jacobs, or bring herself to work for the twins as a kind of mercenary.

Why would she debase herself that way? What on earth did they offer her? Sex with Troy ( which is so OOC of her I’ll cover it in a minute ) and owning a weapons manufacturer that seems to not really even be making money?

Nonsense. It felt like there was meant to be more to this story arc, more between the Hammerlocks and the Jacobs that led into a logical betrayal rather than her just being hired by the COV with a Troyride as a bonus.

I’ve seen a fair few people say BL3 felt like a half baked AU, where established characters veered wildly from their canonical portrayal, and Aurelia was done the most dirty of the bunch. The Troy thing.. oh my god.

What we can ascertain from this really weird piece of content in the game with no build up to lead into it, was they consensually slept together and kept it under wraps and secret like it was something they didn’t want to get out.

Baroness Aurelia Hammerlock, choosing to sleep with one of the twin leaders of a cult who is worshipped by ten billion people and lusted after constantly, then keeping it secret?

Wha? I think it was @goshparticle who pointed out how wildly OOC that was. Aurelia wouldn’t touch someone she’d be ashamed to be with, that is so below her it’s unfathomable. She’d be parading him around like a designer handbag. She’d be wallowing in that attention, that power play. She had Troy Calypso.

So what’s the other option, he was ashamed of her? Aurelia Hammerlock, having sex with someone not seeing her as valuable enough to want to be public about? Who saw her as beneath them or not worthy of them? HER? In a shack / run down building on a shithole swamp planet?

Not a chance.

Her character had its final deathblow with the inclusion of that quest. It was such a strange addition.

Asks are open!

#borderlands #borderlands tps #tps #borderlands 3 #bl3 #aurelia #hammerlock #alistair #jacobs #troy calypso #calypso twins #cog #asks #my hcs #my writing #silentcornball28 #aurelia hammerlock

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midzelink · 5 years

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The Fate of Zant

The Usurper King’s is a story with which we are all intimately familiar; angry at the injustice of his people’s banishment and estranged by those who refused his rule, he flees the Palace of Twilight in a fit of anger one day, where he looks to the sky and finds his salvation in the form of Ganondorf, whom he believes to be a god. With his newfound power, he banishes the true ruler of the Twili and usurps her throne, transforming his own people into dark and malformed Shadow Beasts - and with them at his side he invades the World of Light, storming Hyrule Castle and scattering the land’s Light Spirits in all but one fell swoop. He commits countless atrocities, reducing Kakariko Village to a mere village of three, murdering the Zora Queen as a sheer display of power, and possibly even killing the King of Hyrule himself - but when all is said and done, he meets his demise at the hands of Hyrule’s hero and the very princess he had cursed, exploding in an agonizing but powerful display of the Fused Shadow’s might.

However, there is one scene in particular that always struck me as out-of-place in this overall narrative. It comes when Ganondorf finally meets his own demise at the hands of Link, and he stands alone on a hill, Master Sword struck center in the scar he received over a century ago. He gives us his last words - “The history of light and shadow will be written in blood!” he spits menacingly - but before he perishes, we cut to another scene, and are greeted with this:

It’s Zant, another evil man who recently perished himself, and he ostensibly looks down upon Ganondorf, before cracking his neck in a very morose, very fatal way. We cut back to Ganondorf, and only then do his eyes go white, and the wind blows over the field, signalling that finally, it’s over.

For a long time, I had assumed that this scene was meant to be symbolic: that Ganondorf, having had such a strong connection with Zant, was only able to perish because Zant, too, was already dead. But now - an incredible thirteen years later - I have come to believe that this isn’t the case, or, at the very least, there’s a chance it might not be, and I’d like to take a moment to talk about that here.

(Credit for this one 100% goes out to @therealflurrin, who also gave me permission to make this write-up. Their conversations are always an excellent source of primo TP content.)

Something that is important to understand about the relationship between Zant and Ganondorf is that it is one of co-dependence; Zant, angry but utterly powerless to do what he thinks needs to be done, is found by the bearer of the Triforce of Power in a moment of outrage and weakness. Ganondorf, reduced to mere a giant mass of malice and darkness in the Twilight Realm, tells Zant: “I shall house my power in you… If there is anything you desire, then I shall desire it, too.” From Zant’s perspective, it’s not hard to believe why he believed this to a blessing from a god; in a great moment of need, a powerful entity appeared before him, offering him seemingly unlimited power. But we know that Ganondorf is no god; that he only approaches Zant for reasons that are entirely self-serving, as a twisted and misshapen light dweller trapped in the realm of shadows. He allows Zant to house him and his power with the ultimate goal of being “reborn” and returning to Hyrule, tricks the Twili into believing him to be a “god” so that he will carry out his will unquestioningly - but ultimately, Ganondorf needed Zant just as much (if not far more) than Zant ever needed him.

We know from the very scene where Ganondorf’s death unfolds just how deep this co-dependency runs. It is my belief that the two formed a sort of “soul bond” following their initial encounter, intertwining their fates so that neither could perish while the other still lived; although Zant is not entirely aware of Ganondorf’s true nature, he is at least somewhat aware of this bond:

“As long as my master, Ganon, survives, he will resurrect me without cease!”

These are his very last words before Midna strikes him down, in a move that ultimately seems to be very final, indeed. But now we must return to the death of his supposed “master,” and the implications Zant’s appearance has in that moment. Ganondorf is on death’s doorstep for the second time; the first, at the hands of the Great Sages, it was the Triforce of Power that saved him - and now, here, he sees Zant in his final breaths, a beacon of hope in a great moment of need. But the scene plays out how we expect: Zant is already dead, and with nothing yet tethering him to life, Ganondorf meets his end, this time, for good.

Except there’s one teensy, tiny problem here, and I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this: Zant and Ganondorf’s relationship is one of co-dependency, as you’ll remember, their souls bound to one another in a fashion not entirely dissimilar to Zelda and Midna’s after the former gave up her own light in order to save the latter. If this were untrue, then we would not see Zant in the moments leading up to Ganondorf’s death; furthermore, if Zant were somehow already dead despite this co-dependency, then Ganondorf would simply keel over sometime shortly thereafter following Link’s decisive blow with the Master Sword.

Instead, there is a pivotal moment where Ganondorf’s fate is evidently sealed, and it’s the moment where we see Zant snap his neck - a display, which, frankly, was probably far too gruesome for a 10-year-old me playing through the game for the first time. It is immediately following this scene where Ganondorf reels back, releasing one final, raspy grunt as his life leaves his eyes, and Hyrule again knows peace. If Zant had died X amount of time before this ultimate battle, it seems very peculiar that Ganondorf would have such a sudden and visceral reaction to it, as if it had happened elsewhere, simultaneously.

So, let’s scrutinize this scene under the lens of their co-dependency; let’s say that, despite the destruction of his body, Zant was able to survive his final blow in some way, as his master still lived on. Following this, and going back to the initial scene, we can arrive at two simple conclusions:

That Zant was alive up until the very moment that Ganondorf perished, and

in that final, critical moment, he chose to sever their bond.

The question, then, is…why? Why would the Usurper King, who had once thought the Gerudo King his god, choose to sever the only thing keeping him alive? It’s true that Zant was undoubtedly a deeply troubled and hateful man; he was angry at the world of light and its inhabitants, whom he saw as oppressors, perhaps even rightly so - and he was angry at the Twilight Realm’s own “useless, do-nothing royal family that had resigned itself to [a] miserable half-existence.” But Ganondorf’s spirit is one of pure malice, and it had invaded the world on the other side of the mirror long, long before the story of Twilight Princess begins. One cannot help but wonder exactly what kind of effect such evil might have had on the realm and its denizens, though it is not hard to imagine the harborer of Demise’s Curse slowly and carefully plotting from the shadows, decades spent as whispers in the ears of the unknowing Twili until, finally, one suitable enough to become his vessel appeared - one who was vulnerable and angry enough to listen to those whispers, and would submit to anyone and anything if it meant obtaining the power to do what they thought was right.

Perhaps, then, Zant’s story is not one of an evil, bloodthirsty tyrant who met his rightful end at the hands of Link and Midna; perhaps his is a tragedy, the story of a man who fell victim to the malice residing within Ganondorf, only worsened the moment he became the Gerudo King’s vessel. Perhaps - lost in fugue state in the Twilight Realm, formless and lost, but still otherwise alive - it took the apparent death of a particular someone at the hands of his “god” in order to finally snap him back to his senses.

(Zant could have simply killed Midna when he usurped her throne, yet he didn’t. I personally think the two are related, but I can talk more about that in a different at a different time, as it is far more headcanon than analysis.)

Ultimately, nothing Zant could do could ever wash his hands of the blood that stained them, no matter how much Ganondorf might have in part been responsible - but in this one, critical moment, Zant, who had done such wrong and hurt so many, chose to do the right thing, even though that meant saving Hyrule, a world which he had so despised. Maybe he, too, perished when he severed his bond with Ganondorf - one final, noble act - or maybe he didn’t. Maybe, just maybe, on the other side of the mirror, there is yet another story waiting to unfold, one of a man who had done such wrong and hurt so many, willing to do anything and everything necessary to prove that he, too, is capable of change…

#zant #ganondorf #twilight princess #loz #legend of zelda #this didn't seem like the right post to talk about this #but i actually think that zant's anger toward the world of light is justified #the man deserves redemption #i think midna and zant are like...cousins #but like i said i can talk more about that later #tp!ganondorf #text #headcanons #analysis #mywriteups*#myposts*

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naysaltysalmon · 5 years

Text

Shoutout to @tiburme for tagging me~!

Rules: Name 10 favorite characters from 10 different things and then tag 10 people.

Oh, massive spoilers below btw.

1. Gon Freecss from Hunter x Hunter: My favorite shounen protagonist by far. At first you think he’s your typical happy-go-lucky bouncy boye :D who definitely doesn’t have abandonment issues or self-destructive tendencies that literally actually almost kill him later on, and then, uwu... The amount of complexity that Gon has as a protagonist who hardly ever has stand-alone development is nothing short of astounding. How during the Chimera Ant Art his characterization totally dips off to the side to become an unknowable entity even to the audience, while still retaining amazing character development regardless -- not to mention how brilliantly daring his decision to threaten Komugi is that nearly every other author with such a happy-go-lucky protagonist would shy away from in cowardice -- is absolutely surreal to me. The more I think and write about Gon, the more I fall in love with him. If I ever meet his father, and by that I mean his real father, the creator, Togashi, I have nothing else to say but,,, well done, sir.

2. Tanjirou Kamado from Demon Slayer: I’m really hoping the Demon Slayer movie comes out soon because I absolutely love this boy and how charming he is. Unlike most protagonists, not just of shounen anime but of seemingly macho story lines that involve power-ups and training in general, Tanjirou never lets go of his kind heart. (Welp, except maybe in some cases when he’s facing the Upper Moons later on -- I haven’t caught up yet -- but WE’RE GONNA IGNORE THAT for now.) From the beginning, Tanjirou’s kindness isn’t an obstacle holding back his power, though other characters pose it that way, but rather he cultivates his empathy to grant peace to the demons he faces. He smiles in the face of anyone who treats him poorly because of his cluelessness, and that’s just so heartwarming to see, and dare I say subversive to the hardened, calculating, and cocky male protagonists we so often get. Good job, Gotouge.

3. Joseph Joestar from JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Giorno Giovanna was a close second, but I gotta go with Joseph. He’s the one who made me fall in love with the series, and with the later parts too. Unlike Jonathan Joestar, who was chivalrous and manly, Joseph was a riot: colorful, arrogant, funny, but also extremely clever. I absolutely loved his, “Next you’ll say...!” because at first I expected it to just be him being an overconfident asshole and eventually he’d be proven wrong at the ~Dai Pinchi Moment~ (please excuse my weeb speech, I legit didn’t know what else to call it), but then he hit the mark every time and eventually I was just waiting for when he’d pull that out and it was so hype. Also I surely can’t forget his transformation as an old dude in Part 3 -- him screaming “OOHHHH MY GAAAWDDDA!” and “HOLY SHIIIT!” murdered me every time. And of course, last but not least, the raw fucking emotion when Caeser died -- the dude actually gave a shit and wasn’t made entirely of wit and absurdity, but heart too. Joseph set the tone for what JJBA was as a whole for me (fuck off with that “but Part 3/Part 4 is the best Part” bullshit, Part 2 will always be top tier for me because of Joseph Joestar’s brilliant, bright, and beautiful absurdity -- but Part 5 was really good too). Araki really is a genius.

4. Link from The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess: My love for this series is a bit older than the series I’ve already mentioned, and TLoZ: TP was actually probably the first time I got seriously obsessed with a fandom. I love all the Links in their own ways, but Twilight Princess really drove home the “lone wolf chosen by the gods, fighting against the world” narrative for me. It made me feel important and strong at a time when no one cared about me. Seeing Link struggle silently through his quest with villagers who meant well but did nothing for him, and Midna who started out as a reluctant acquaintance and eventually became so much more, meant so much to me at the time I played the game. I will always love Twilight Princess the most because of what it did for me at one of the darkest times in my life, and because I felt completely and utterly immersed in every part of the story and gameplay through Link’s character, who was, and in many ways, still is, so relatable to me: Silent courage really is what I use to get through every day.

5. Greedling from Fullmetal Alchemist (Brotherhood): For once I’m not naming the protagonist of a series! Lissen, I still smile whenever I see the slightest reference to Edward Elric, but now he’s more of my childhood love. He’s just a part of my personality already? LOL. Anyway, FMA(B) has so many good characters that choosing just one doesn’t feel right (I mean, same with HxH tho). I say Greedling because that encompasses both Ling and Greed though, two of my favorite characters from the series! Ling’s apparent childishness in constantly running away from fights, making other people pay for his food, and failing to grasp the seriousness of the situation (until Lan Fan’s arm gets cut off lol oops) is so adorable and entertaining. He’s the best kind of idiot asshole, and I especially love how he teases Ed. After him and Greed fuse, Ling’s stout heart becomes even more apparent, as he constantly eggs Greed on to remember his past life, his friends, and become someone outside of Father/the Dwarf in the Flask. Conversely, Greed’s nonchalance and (of course) avarice are nothing short of entertaining and heartbreaking. Greed’s realization at the end, when he finally admitted to himself that what he wanted all along were “friends like these,” completely crushed me the first few times I watched FMAB. And when he’s screaming in the tunnels under Central after having killed Bido, remembering his friends, and he doesn’t understand why, and later attacks Wrath/King Bradley... that shit was so entertaining and cathartic to watch. None of his development feels like forced redemption, nor like it was too little development, since it mostly happens in the background and away from the “validating eyes” of the protagonists other than Ling. And at the end, when Ling and Greed work together to take down Bradley and all the soldiers invading Central HQ... it’s so beautiful. Many have said this before but I’ll say it again: Hiromu Arakawa wrote the perfect series.

6. Ciel Phantomhive from Black Butler: Another protagonist! And another older obsession of mine. Ciel remains in my mind to this day mainly for his heartlessness in relation to his age, and the fluidity with which Toboso tells his story. Normally when authors write younger characters into their serious stories, they make “child adults” of sorts, but Ciel feels totally realistic to the extent that he is both childish and adult to me. Obviously, Ciel is responsible and (normally) level-headed due to being the head of the Phantomhive household, but also from trauma. Yet, his cruelty at times is what sticks in my mind the most: You really feel that he’s someone who feels he’s been abandoned by the entire world, given his experiences, and that makes him disregard or use others sometimes in order to reach his own ends. Normally, authors would be too cowardly to let their protagonists, let alone child protagonists, go to such lengths to avenge their family, or carry out their duty as the dog of the military (looking at you, Arakawa -- she’s still a goddess tho). But Ciel is unforgiving. He lies to Snake and tells him his troupe is still alive. He murders the entire troupe because he’s triggered -- a childish decision, but driven with adult-like power due to trauma. It’s devastatingly riveting, and I cannot forget his unrelenting, contained rage to this day.

7. Ahsoka Tano from Star Wars: The Clone Wars: This one may come as a shock to most of you, because I hardly ever post Star Wars let alone Ahsoka content on here -- but it’s true. Other than the blatant, half-assedly inserted heteroromantic partner they gave Ahsoka in, like, idk season 3??, Ahsoka is a fucking goddess. From her origin as a wee baby in the earlier seasons who didn’t really know what she was doing and was a bit of a cocky brat, to how she matures and becomes wise, resourceful, and fierce in the later seasons, I just love Ahsoka’s design and character to this day. The episodes that stick in my mind aside from the obvious are when she’s possessed by the Dark Side of the Force on that Force balance planet and her arrogance becomes so exaggerated that she threatens and attacks Anakin, her teacher. It was so fucking cathartic. Normally female characters, let alone young protagonist female characters, are never allowed to show the ugly sides of themselves in fiction, since women are always portrayed as perfect beautiful majestic angels or some bullshit like that. (Or they’re cocky/sexy/slutty villain women. ‘Kay then.) Seeing Ahsoka devolve into her basal desires and come out of it like hardly anything happened and she’s still a perfectly valid character was so amazing to see on a meta level; it wasn’t about her learning a lesson or anything, it was a thing that happened like any other character and then they moved the fuck on. I also distinctly remember the episode where she was trapped on that island/planet and she had to take out the aliens that were after her all by herself. That was so fucking empowering to watch and god fucking dammit I need to rewatch this series now. And of course, let us not forget the fact that the entire time, we were all expecting Ahsoka to just be another domino in Anakin’s downfall -- and she was, but not through the refrigerator -- but through walking away from it all. That was so powerful and moving -- and heartbreaking. By the end of TCW, her character carried weight and agency in the narrative, and god, I only wish whoever wrote her could write more female characters in the future.

8. Tigress from Kung Fu Panda: Maybe another surprise, but I think she deserves this spot. Tigress is a female character who starts out as kind of an antagonist, given how she outright tells Po to leave the kung fu temple within the first day of him arriving. She’s even jealous of the fact that he’s chosen as the Dragon Warrior rather than her -- but that’s due to the backwash of years of trying to live up to the memory of Tai Lung in order to please Shifu (which means “master” in Chinese but ok I’ll shut up now), her master and mentor over the years. She never says this out loud in the movie, which is what makes her character more believable. Others even joke about how stoic she is (and not in bad taste). Her character development is definitely present for those who are looking -- but I put her on this list because I’m so happy the movie doesn’t make it some huge dramatic emotional thing, because so often in media women are depicted as being overly-emotional and here Tigress is just a hurt child trying to make her mentor happy. But, she gets over it, her and Po become allies, even friends to each other -- she and Po talk like equals in the second and third movies, and she even tells him to back out of the fight with Lord Shen and he listens (I mean he doesn’t stay put but he doesn’t undermine her opinion either lol, like most jokesy protagonists of Western media would -- looking at you, Marvel). I like Tigress because she’s an antagonist without being a bitch, she’s powerful without being overpowered, and she’s not sexualized despite being a well-trained, at times jealous, and even emotionally awkward kung fu master. And I almost forgot to mention the best part: There is never an indication of romance between her and Po, or any other character, for that matter. She’s perfectly capable, complex, and lovely on her own terms. And that’s that on THAT.

9. Bilbo Baggins from The Hobbit: I wanted to include at least one character protagonist from a live-action movie/book, lol. I feel like Bilbo’s pretty self-explanatory. He doesn’t wanna go on an adventure because he likes his doilies and warm sheets, but then Gandalf seduces him with the call to the outside world and possible death (LOL), and he fucking goes for it, grumbling the entire time. Isn’t that what any of us would do if given such a proposition? I like to think so. Bilbo obviously has his own gradual, evil transformation with the One Ring, becomes murderous and uses it to disappear, and grows a strong bromance with the King Under the Mountain (which happens in both the movie and the book), but I think what I like about him is that he really feels... down-to-earth? Like even though the adventure changes him, it never feels like he’s been stretched in a way that makes his core character traits of grumbling and bluntness disappear. He gets better at the whole adventuring thing, for sure, but he remains Bilbo, at least, to me, throughout the journey. It was heartwrenching watching him try to save Thorin in The Battle of Five Armies, honestly, but Bilbo’s the kind of character that I feel like has his own story and mythology aside from The Hobbit, and maybe that’s just the result of J.R.R. Tolkien writing the lore for every aspect of his universe, but My Point Still Stands. He feels like his own man apart from the series he’s in, yet he’s still so much fun in his series.

10. Barley Lightfoot from Onward: And last, this one is because I saw Onward yesterday and was pleasantly surprised by the characterization in it -- and anyone who thinks differently can kiss my *ss. :) I was not expecting the movie to take the twist of fleshing out the “annoying” (more like adorable) overconfident nerdy big brother. Normally those characters are swiped to the side because God Forbid The Comic Relief Have Any Sadness In Them. I was expecting the movie to focus on Ian’s journey to meet his fatha and that the movie would pull something stupid at the end like “oh actually there’s another phoenix gem underneath the school” or “actually since only his legs appeared then you still have 24 hours with him” or some shit like that, but I guess this isn’t an anime so those absurdist explanations wouldn’t hold water anyway. But still, for a kid’s movie, I was NOT expecting this movie to go so hard with the characterization. For once, the main character doesn’t get what he wants at the end, and instead realizes it’s his big brother, Barley, who’s been looking out for him his entire life. Meeting his dad would betray that reality. What happens instead is that the lovable big brother never actually said goodbye to their dad before he died, because when their dad got sick, said brother ran away from the hospital room in fear of all the life-sustaining equipment. (Is this some meta thing about Chris Pratt and Guardians of the Galaxy? Off topic and call me stupid, but I didn’t realize Chris Pratt plays him until I saw everyone freaking out about it afterward on Tumblr laksjdflak.) So instead, the lovable big brother talks to the dad at the end, and unconfident younger brother grows confidence and thanks big bro for being with him his entire life. It was so touching, dude. I cry. But the moment that sticks in my mind the most was when Ian was crossing the invisible bridge... Ian needed to have confidence in himself to be able to cross over a chasm in their path, and Barley knew that if Ian didn’t believe in himself, he would fall and die. They tie a rope around Ian for good measure, and Barley encourages him the entire way, but halfway over, the rope comes loose and slips off. Barley sees this and starts panicking, but of course continues to encourage Ian so that Ian will get to the other side. What got to me wasn’t the fact that he faked it for Ian, but that there are actual tears running down his face as he’s encouraging Ian to get to the other side, because he knows otherwise Ian wouldn’t have the confidence and would fall to his death. Like dude, that raw, complex emotion in a kid’s movie?! DUDE?! I was fucking surprised. The clear anxiety and grief in Barley’s face as Ian’s totally clueless and even dancing around in the air was just too much, omfg. Of course, then it’s played off for laughs, but... I guess that makes sense for the annoying overconfident nerdy big bro character. :’)

Okay these are way longer than I anticipated and I’m sorry, but also I’m really not. Hope you enjoyed reading my thoughts on my favs!

Seems I don’t talk to that many people on here anymore: @stupidbluejay @mirycactusito @chronicstarlight

#Nay talks #a lot #i'm sorry but not sorry #TL;DR: Deku isn't on here because Tanjirou is a better boy sorry #Fullmetal Alchemist #Hunter x Hunter #The Legend of Zelda #The Hobbit #Onward #Kung Fu Panda #Star Wars: The Clone Wars #Black Butler #JoJo's Bizarre Adventure #Demon Slayer

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tlbodine · 5 years

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Why Do Movie Monsters Keep Kidnapping Women?

There are certain trends in classic horror that become impossible to ignore once you watch a few in a row, and maybe one of the oldest and most pervasive is the idea of the monster that wants to kidnap, rape, murder, or otherwise terrorize women.

Why would an inhuman monster be especially interested in women?

And why is that a trope we return to, time and again, throughout our storytelling?

Let’s explore some of the history as we do a deep dive into misogynistic monsters. (And tread carefully, as this topic gets pretty dark)

We see a monstrous predilection for kidnapping in stories like King Kong and Creature From the Black Lagoon. We see it time and again across multiple iterations of The Phantom of the Opera. It’s a staple of the vampire genre tracing back right to Dracula. And we see it with astonishing regularity in the B-movies of the 1950s and 60s. (1)

That this concept of an inhuman “other” coming to your town to steal your women peaked cinematically in the 50s and 60s hints at one especially upsetting cultural fear: de-segregation. It’s pretty hard to see a guy in an ape-suit pawing at an attractive white woman without drawing the uncomfortable parallel to certain racist anxieties.

And if you want to talk about monkey metaphors, you have to reach back into history at least as far as Edgar Allan Poe and his obsession with orangutans, most especially that woman-murdering ape from “Murders at the Rue Morgue.” Admittedly, it’s hotly debated among scholars whether Poe’s use of imported murderous apes is a product of 1800s White Southern-Fried Racism or something else -- but racial coding of black people as apes is a pretty big metaphorical legacy to willfully ignore. (2)

Of course, the expression of racial anxiety raises its own set of questions -- first and foremost among them being, why were white people so afraid of black people stealing their women in the first place.

Which is a complicated question, and one I (humble horror scholar) am not equipped to fully tackle. But I’d posit there are a few reasons:

Some people genuinely believed that black people were literal inhuman monsters (making them an example of this trope rather than the underlying metaphor)

Collective white guilt and fear of reprisal for slavery and other injustice through punishing the most vulnerable

An assumption that any group would, if given the chance, follow a colonialist narrative of raping, pillaging, and conquest

That last one, I think, circles back quite cleanly to the movie monsters -- especially the alien invaders. Rape is a common war crime, and kidnapping/taking brides from the country you’re invading is historically A Thing That Happens. So wouldn’t aliens (or monsters) do the same thing?

Of course, sometimes the monster doesn’t come for the village’s women. Sometimes, the village brings their women to the monster. The virgin sacrifice is a well-worn trope, dating back at least as far as the Ancient Greek minotaur, that horrifying half-man, half-bull beast with a literal hunger for young women (5). The trope is even referenced in Godzilla, an in-universe legend where virgins must be sent out to sea to appease a hungry sea-god.

Amusingly, while virgin sacrifice shows up in ancient texts, it’s quite frequently an unintended consequence of a badly worded promise to the gods rather than the goal of a particular sacrificial ritual. And in many versions of the legend, the people (male and female alike) fed to the minotaur are prisoners of war, making the entire scheme more of a war-crime than a monster-appeasement strategy.

Indeed, as it turns out, virgin sacrifice doesn’t seem to have been A Thing in history, even among cultures that practiced ritual human sacrifice...a fact that has never stopped horny historians from speculating about the sexual habits of ancient women. (4)

So if sacrificial virgins were never really a widespread thing, why do they show up in our mythology? Probably because people a few thousand years ago weren’t all that different from people today -- and lurid tales never go out of fashion.

There is, of course, some truth in fiction when it comes to the issue of women being the victims of violence. Women are undoubtedly kidnapped, murdered, and raped in the real world, and many serial killers throughout history have targeted women exclusively (quite often because the killings are sexually motivated or include a sexual component).

You might be surprised, then, to discover that it is actually men who are overwhelmingly more likely to be victims of violent crime: https://www.bjs.gov/index.cfm?ty=tp&tid=955

According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, men account for 78% of all murder victims. In fact, men are more frequently the victims of every type of violent crime...except rape. In matters of sexual violence, women account for about 90% of all reported cases.

So that at least may explain why, when a monster sweeps in to carry away a fainting damsel, the implication is clear (and clearly horrific). We don’t need on-screen violence to fill in those blanks for us; our mental association between women and sexual violence is so clear that it’s frankly difficult to imagine a monster doing anything else with a woman.

The link between sex and violence is an ancient and deeply psychological (perhaps even biological) one, and though we’ve come a long way in exploring it, we have a long journey ahead of us in dismantling rape culture (6).

But as we walk down that road, there’s one important thing to remember: 80% of all rapes are committed by someone the victim knows, and about a third of all rapes are committed by a current or former partner. https://www.rainn.org/statistics/perpetrators-sexual-violence

Perhaps, then, instead of turning our gaze toward monsters from beneath the sea or beyond the stars, it’s time to look a little closer to home. The real monster, it seems, might be no stranger at all.

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