#god i fuckin hate math

[grvstnaya-svka]

I fucking hated Fredrick Bitchass Usher with a passion that I was not expecting to … I mean just look at this stupid fucker with his dumbass bun /ponytail bullshit

Fredrick “frodrick” Usher is such a fuckin pussy wtf?! Bitch looks like he’d have a fuckin aneurism if he accidentally brushed up against a tiddy how the hell did this fool land a wife like that??

AND THEN HAVE THE GODDAMN GALL, THE AUDACITY TO ABUSE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN ????

Who, mind you, was already no doubt in excruciating fucking pain and absolutely paying the consequences as it was!

And for what? Cheating? I’d cheat on him too! In a heartbeat. Jesus Christ. I don’t know how much love was there before the “terrible accident” but babe you could do so much better than mf sweaty Freddy. Only two reasons to marry him had to be pity and, well, I’m sure the money fuckin helped as well.

Also you can’t convince me that this absolute beauty (inside and out), this fucking queen,

Ms. Lenore Usher,

… was the spawn of that dipshit. Like… the math don’t work. The math ain’t mathin for me. I’m sorry but no.

Which, made his death scene all the more sweet. And miss Verna was fuckin serving during that entire scene 😘🤌

Fuck.

🔪

Disclaimer: I’m not fuckin stupid. It’s a show. this fucker just got under my skin lol. Absolutely no disrespect to Henry Thomas tho. Just lose the fuckin ponytail please god

[octuscle]

Hi, this is my first time using this! I’m a 20 year old slightly chubby quite academic student who is studying at uni feeling slightly lost.

Could I become a slightly twinky chav/scally who is big into the chavvy brands! I feel like I don’t really know what im doing with my life and those types around me seem happier than me.

Thank you :)

The lecture was boring. Boring as hell. Linear algebra. Who came up with that shit. You need a cigarette first. But there's none in your Barbour jacket. And there's none in your college folder either. Fucking stuffy outfit. At least you found some coins and you can get a pack of cigarettes. Shit, you forgot a lighter or matches. But next to the math faculty, some construction workers are taking a smoke break, so you can ask them for a light.

You strike up a conversation with one of the construction workers. Whether you are also one of the snobs who study economics here. You want to say that business students are not real scientists and that only mathematics is the real true science. But somehow you are ashamed of your IQ of 140 and that you always have good grades. And that's why you answer "no, mate! i'm doin' an apprenticeship in the cafeteria kitchen." "thank god, i thought ya were a fuckin' genius or somethin'. I mean, ha old are ya, mate? nineteen?" "hell, i just turned eighteen. Ya want anutha smoke, mate?"

You take the pack of cigarettes out of your hipbag. You smoke another one, then you have to rush off to your shift. The damn students are going to storm the cafeteria in two hours, until then you have a lot of potatoes to peel and cutlets to fry.

Finally, it's quitting time. The stoves are cleaned, the pots are scrubbed. Now for a cigarette. Shit, it's snowed again. You hate the winter. If you only had a cool Moncler jacket… But they are damn expensive. So you have to shiver while waiting for the bus. But tomorrow evening you meet with your mates, maybe one of them can organize a jacket that fell off the truck.

Found your pic @hotsmoothlads

[fleur-bbyy]

stupid girl /// katsuki bakugo

warnings: bakugo is a lil meanie, he gets softer. lots of f bombs, fem! reader, characters are 18+.

wc: 2.2k

listened to this on youtube while writing, kind of goes with the story i think???

don’t bite your lip or grit your teeth, just count to ten and try to breathe, you stupid bitch can’t you see, the perfect one for you is me?

bakugo couldn’t stand you.

that was an understatement, he fucking hated you. steam practically shooting from his ears like a cartoon character every time you were around. yet, he couldn’t get your stupid face out of his head.

he hated how much you were willing to give up for your friend’s happiness. hated the way your eyes crinkled when you smiled. hated that stupid fucking twinkle in your eye that even stayed sparkling when you guys argued. hated how driven you were during training, even when you knew you’d lose to him.

most of all, he hated your stupid perfect face. your stupid hair. your stupid lips. your stupid stupid stupid body.

yeah. he fucking hated you.

that’s why he was marching up the stairs to his dorm, making sure he was heard loud and clear. especially making sure you heard.

“you totally like her, dude.” kiri said, slapping the back of bakugo’s shoulder. he could of killed his friend red-headed friend. especially for saying something so ridiculous as that in the common area where other people could hear.

“fuck you just say?” bakugo turned to look at kirishima, looking like he was ready to commit murder. his brows that seemingly were always perpetually furrowed somehow pulled deeper into his face. his eyes so sharp he could probably barely see through the squint.

“woah no need to get hostile, man. i’m just saying. you never quit yappin’ about her, even if it is about how much you hate her. plus, you’ve been in a mood ever since she beat you during training today.” kiri slowly removed his rough hand from his best friend’s shoulder, scared it was finally his time to face the fury that is bakugo’s wrath.

“of course i’m fuckin’ pissed. she’s no better than deku and she beat me!” he was seething. how dare the guy that’s supposed to be his best friend suggest such a foul, horrid thing. you? of all people? that stupid girl? that stupid, beautiful girl? “you don’t know shit about fuck. say something like that again and i’ll snap your neck.” and with that, bakugo stood up from the common area couch and began to stomp to his room. not before kiri could get one last sentence in,

“yeah, okay man. come talk when you’re ready to show some manliness and actually talk about your feelings.” katsuki didn’t acknowledge him, only stomping away harder. making sure to slam the doors he came in contact with during the short trip to his room. kirishima’s words felt like a hard punch to the gut. maybe it was because he hated you. hated the idea that people think he likes you.

maybe it was because he knew kiri was true. maybe it was that he knew he wasn’t hiding it well, either.

that’s how he ended up in his dorm room doing practically anything to calm his racing, lovesick mind. blasting music, occasionally playing his drum set along with the song, but most of the time he boxed the punching bag in his room. trying to kill the energy his anger built up in him. stupid incessant anger and stupid fucking girl.

he screamed at the punching bag like it was a living, breathing person. like he could hurt it’s feelings. he didn’t know exactly who he was imagining it as, just as someone to scream at. he wanted it to be you, but he couldn’t stand the thought of making you cry, even in his imagination. he already felt guilt for the amount of times you’ve cried over him in the real world, though he’d never admit it out loud. how could he did that to you in the dream world too?

and that’s how you ended up practically in tears in your neighboring dorm. you just wanted to finish this dumb math assignment from class. “why do we even need this? we’re becoming pro-heroes for gods sake, not damn mathematicians?” you thought. you grabbed your pencil and tried to solve another problem, but the muffled voice of eyedress singing jealous and your neighbor’s unrelenting yelling making your brain short-circuit faster than denki using his lightening.

sighing, you threw your pencil somewhere into the abyss that is your desk and picked up your phone, putting your headphones on to try and drown out some noise and texted your pink-haired friend.

is bakugo always this loud?

girly if you’re just now figuring this out, i’m worried for you

i’m serious mina. i cant even hear myself think and if i don’t finish this math, aizawa will have my ass.

calm down, you’ll finish it. try going over there and knocking. maybe he’ll tone it down?

mina be so astronomically fr right now

me?

go to the guy that makes it very known that he can’t stand me’s room?

bffr

yea yea he acts like he hates you, promise he doesn’t. just go over there and if something pops off, call me and your personal chihuahua will come over and get him. he’s probably just mad you beat him today

okay i’ll trust you this time but if i die you’re not getting anything from my will

then don’t die! :)

you left her on read, slipped your house shoes on your feet, and removed your headphones. carefully placing them onto your desk. you were trying your best to mentally prepare yourself the go over to the blonde’s room. in your three years at ua, you’d never been so scared of your neighbor. the last two years in was always kiri and shoji that neighbored you. something happened with the lists this year that had you and kirishima switching dorm rooms, placing you next to thee katsuki bakugo.

“god, please please please don’t let him explode me to hell and back.” you whispered as you stood at your door. taking a deep breath, you left your room and walked the few feet over to his and knocked on the door. thinking about how fast you could bail and make a break for it back to your room, just in case, of course.

it only took a few seconds for him to come and open the door. the once muffled music now flooding into the halls and into your eardrums. his tanned skin was covered in a light sheen of sweat that started to soak into his black tank top and sweats. his right hand rested on the doorknob and his left held a pair of drumsticks. he scowled down at you as if you were scum to the earth.

“you just gonna stand there and stare all day? whad’dya want?” you felt your body tense at his sharp words. you tried your best to relax your muscles so he wouldn’t get the satisfaction of knowing you were uncomfortable.

“um yeah, by any chance could you tune it down a bit please? im having a really hard time working.” you twiddled with your thumbs behind your back like a child would if they were caught in lie. his face unfazed and unchanged.

“did you forgot that I can’t fucking stand you? why would I do that shit for you? why would i do anything for you?” you weren’t gonna lie to yourself, his words hurt. everytime he hurled insults at you, a small piece of your heart broke. you were a sensitive girl, you always have been. anytime he did it in front of your class, you pretended to take them in stride. once you were alone, you let the tears spill.

“look bakugo. i know you hate me. i know you can’t stand me. i know you’re mad you lost to me today. all i’m asking you to do is be a decent fucking human and turn your shit down. i never play my music this fucking loud so have some consideration.” you really didn’t mean for the words to come out. a mix of your frustration and sleepiness with an added splash of the intimidation you felt standing in front of the blonde. you had to admit, he was attractive. you would go as far to call him beautiful.

but none of that mattered now that you knew you were going to die by the hands of king explosion murder dynamight at the ripe age of 18. your eyes widened his shock like it wasn’t you that said the words but some other person. his eyes mirrored yours with his own surprised face. but his shocked expression quickly returned to a seething anger only violence could solve.

but a few looks at your pretty face and he couldn’t bring himself to pummel you into oblivion. his clenched fists relaxed.

he didn’t hate you. he hated the thought of not hating you.

“yeah I can’t fucking stand you,” he began to move closer to you, “I can’t stand the drive you just have to succeed.” you wanted to back away, but your feet wouldn’t move.

“can’t stand how supportive you are of others, even if it means they get ahead.” he dropped his drumsticks. he cares about those things like hatsume cares for her inventions. and he dropped them like they were nothing.

“grind my fuckin’ gears when you try to shake my hand and smile after we spar, even if you just got your ass handed to you. breaks my fuckin’ heart.” he was inches away from you. you still couldn’t find yourself able to move away.

“and it really gets me when you act all tough in public. dishing my insults back at me, but crying your perfect damn eyes out right next to me in your dorm. y’know how paper thin these walls are? i bet you didn’t even notice that most nights i was tearing up with you.” he was right, you never did. either he was an extremely quiet cryer or you genuinely were that loud when you sobbed. you had no idea bakugo had the capacity in his brain the feel guilt. you also never noticed how tall he really was compared to you. it’s too hard to miss now that you’re eye level with his huge, built pecs.

“why didn’t you ever say anything, bakugo?” your voice sounded more meek and mousy than you intended it too. when you traversed to his room, you were expecting at the least a door slammed in your face and to maybe return to your room with a few less teeth than you had when you left. not a goddamn love confession.

it’s not like you didn’t enjoy it, though.

because somewhere in the back of your own scattered mind, you felt the same about him.

“because you’re a stupid, stupid girl that couldn’t figure it out yourself. and yeah i guess i’m a stupid guy f-“ you cut him off before he could finish. grabbing the blonde by his sharp jaw and slim cheek to bring his lips to yours. they were soft, felt as if he applied chapstick before your came over. his breath smelled like the fresh mint sprigs he added to his water bottle.

he surprised himself and you by actually locking lips back. the way your mouth fit his felt all too natural for him, as if he was really supposed to be meant for you and vice versa. he grabbed you by your waist to pull you closer to him. he never wanted to let go, never wanted this moment to end. he wasn’t entirely sure it was real until you pulled away. a small string of saliva still connecting the two of you that verified to him that this actually happened.

the two of you stood in a fat silence. taking in the others features. neither of you wanting to speak up and ruin what already felt perfect and serene. curious hands wandered the other’s bodies. curious eyes darting back and forth to soak up every detail of the moment. after a few more moments of silence, you decided to speak up again.

“what do we do now?” you asked. not too sure if you were asking him or just asking yourself out loud. he looked at you in a puppy-dog kind of quizzical way.

“we wait for when we’re not exhausted to talk about it.” you had always admired how level-headed his decisions were, no matter the situations. from plotting murder to simple group projects to saving a city, he could always make a good, quick decision.

“tomorrow?” you replied. beginning to pull away from katsuki’s embrace. you hated the cold that began to spread across your skin where his arms were just warming you.

“it’s a date.” he gave you a smile. not the half-assed katsuki bakugo smile. a real, genuine one where you could see his singular dimple that adorned his left cheek. you returned the gesture and turned to walk the few feet over to your door. he never left his until he knew you were back in yours, safe.

now sufficiently calm, he turned his music down and replaced the loud love songs to more calming, sleepier ones. he decided in the hallway he’s gonna allow himself to go to sleep with the music still on. so the calming music could waft into your room and either help you concentrate or fill your pretty head with thoughts of sleepiness, too.

he still couldn’t stand you. but now not in a hateful way.

he couldn’t stand how perfect you are.

and he couldn’t stand how you made him fall for you so hard.

he couldn’t stand the fact that he fell for such a perfect, stupid girl.

[sharkface-daydreams]

No, but, OK- Chilchuck and Church would literally be that joke of not liking each other until the moment they both tell everybody else to shut up at the same time and they share a moment- "We are the same... finally, somebody who GETS me". Tex is legit impressed with the union work Chilchuck has set up, she wants to get in on this, does he need a bodyguard?

Laios and Caboose are vibing. Laios also thinks Locus is So Cool, and they're both socially inept in opposite ways, but in the sense that it kinda fits together.

Tucker is over there trying to hit on Marcille and Falin, no need to be jealous ladies, plenty of him to go around, and he'd never want to ruin such a great friendship, just gals being pals. Kai is also flirting by she Knows.

Grif wants Senshi to adopt him (and Senshi is 100% cool with that, this poor boy is so hungry), and he has to ask Simmons- "Dude, is this how you feel about Sarge? Like, all the time?". Simmons is trying to math-hack all the fantasy rules.

Carolina just killed a dragon (what, like it's hard?). Wash is like- "Well, at least nothing is gonna run over me here in wacky magic land", and then the first car in this world ever hits him. Doc is having a FUN time learning about all the weird flora and fauna here, O'Malley is already trying to become some combination of dark wizard/necromancer (but he's not good at it).

Donut meets Evil Aslan, and is just- "OK, I'm just gonna skip ahead and kill you right now. I've been through this song and dance with demon-gods, I know how it goes".

Lopez can eat living armor. like, just "raw" or whatever.

There. RVB-Dungeon Meshi crossover. I got that out of my system

ok it's still airing so my watch buddy won't watch with me yet and i have yet to sit and read the manga so im taking notes

chilchuck is a chad, got it.

caboose immediately gets a new friend, that tracks XD <3 love that for him

simmons is me in an isekai, i hate this, thank you <3

of COURSE carolina kills a dragon. of course <3 i love that for her ('what like it's hard?' elle woods has done so much for this world thank u goddess 🙏) but wash omg 😭⚰ it would happen to him. someone invents THEE first like motorized soap box derby car and itjust fuckin. smashes his kneecaps and keeps going RIP king 🙏

i love. i love all of this. question for you though. i love the implications of Lopez eating living armor raw which i know nothing about. does this count as cannibalism do you think? or do you think lopez sees himself as the ghost within the shell, separate from his armor? (or do you hc there's an android in the armor? :o i do when it's convenient for fic alsdkjflkfd)

also. this makes me think of something i want to share finally. (ill put under a cut bc adding 13 pics is a lot)

a long time ago when this picrew was first available (it's only patreon now i think? ppl kept stealing the assets💢 and such so the artist got understandably mad and took it off picrew site :( i made... RVB RPG PORTRAITS!!!! (they still have an rpg maker one but its very different)

also dont kill me but its taken me 3 years to realise i didn't make tex 😭

Red Team:

Blue Team: (had to put Church between them or they'd fight ☺)

And the mercs <3

[verygirlygirl]

Spin the bottle part 3 (it's a series now I've decided I will be making other things though)

Brr! (I tried)

"Fucks sake.." it was morning already you ways hated the mornings so bright and busy "I don't wanna go today..wanna stay home" you grumble to yourself. Of course that was just wishful thinking you knew you couldn't afford to miss school.

You got out of bed and took a quick shower the cold water cooled you down it calmed your nerves. As you stepped out of the shower things look somewhat brighter for whatever reason maybe a cold shower was all you needed, you got dressing in a simple hoodie and jeans nothing special.

"Hey y/n!" You heard a familiar voice call your name you looked around and saw finney waving at you as he ran to your side. "Oh hey finney" you said with a sweet voice finney was always there when you needed him he was a real ball of sunshine, "soo how have you been y/n? Ya know since the party you seemed pretty shocked" you didn't really wanna tell him the truth honestly it was easier to lie than explain to him all that had happened.

"Oh yea about that me and vance just kissed was all nothing too crazy I was just shocked ya know flustered..." fin hummed knowingly. "Mhm well i get that I'd be pretty surprised if vance of all people kissed me" you smiled at him "I'm glad you understand finney", he nodded but soon you too had to depart due to you being in a different class "bye fin!" "Bye y/n".

"Alright time for math" you groaned internally at the sight of your class already full with people. "Welcome to the class y/n" your teacher said cheerfully "thank you Mr. Sullivan" you said back at took your seat at the front of the class, but for some reason you could feel that dickhead vance staring holes in the back of your head.

Got math is hard already stop staring at me you said internally hoping somehow vance would get the message. You zoned out honestly Mr. Sullivan was a nice teacher he was good at his job but math just wasn't your Forte, "alright classed dismissed everyone have a good day" he said as he sat down at his desk you hurried out of class and headed to the bathroom that was until someone grabbed you pulled you into the bathroom with their hands over your mouth.

"Mhmmmhhmmm!" You tried moaning for help but you were pushed up a wall and hushed. It was vance "are you gonna be quiet?" You nodded slowly and he removed his hands from your mouth, "vance what the fuck-" your words were cut off "are you and finney a thing?" He asked suddenly that was enough to shut you up.

"No we aren't.. where'd that come from?" He looked annoyed like he was restraining himself from yelling. "I see the way you look at him I'm not fucking stupid" you were fucking flabbergasted this shit was ridiculous, "me and finney aren't a thing vance and even if we were it'd be none of your business".

He hissed through his teeth in annoyance and stared down at you god he was so intimidating "what?" You asked confused it wasn't like him to shut up so suddenly. "Do you really think you'd enjoy being kissed by him more than me?" You froze "I don't know.. I was just joking vamce it was nothing more than a joke".

He grabbed your face as he usually did but this time it was softer it was still rough but it felt like he was trying to be careful. "You're pretty" he said but this time he didn't walk away "y-youre really pretty too vance.." his voice was soft sincere something you weren't used to from him. So you made sure to soak it all up how gentle he was with you for this moment even if it only lasted a second it didn't matter.

He looked at you surprised and he didn't smile but he looked at you with a rare softness and he let go of your face. You wanted so badly to ask him to put it back "you really are pathetic aren't you y/n?" You flinched "what?" He moved a few steps back, "I hit you yesterday and called you ugly but as soon as I give you some attention and make you feel wanted to you soak it up..like a fuckin sponge".

The pang in your heart was sharp and painful was he really gonna do this to you again?. "B-but you-" he didnt let you finish "you need to learn to have more self respect honestly it's sad.. also you're 20 minutes late to science", you froze and pushed pass him with tears in your eyes and speed walked to science.

God he was right you were pathetic as soo as you got to class eyes were on you "you're late l/n your teacher said harshly "I know I'm sorry" you replied back. You took your seat at the back of the class and zoned out the whole time with your head down, thinking about that moment with vance how'd he even know you had science?

[applesupply]

♡TRUNKS X MALE READER

Goten and trunks were at school before class starting so they were just by the lockers standing around

"God hes so annoying but so handsome for no reason" trunks complained "Bro please for the love of god this is like what the 100th time you went on and on about ur boy crush on y/n like theres other topics you y'know "

"AH I HAVENT BEEN TALKING ABOUT HIM THAT LONG" goten was really annoyed by this child at any moment he was just gonna fuckin smaxk the shit outta him "Ow bro loud as fuck and why dont you just confess ur literally heart out to him" Goten really needed Trunks to man up and confess like the worse is a no right?

"Its not that simple were both guys idk if you noticed he probably likes girls or something and even if he likes guys I probably wouldn't be an option like have you seen him?" Trunks really was overthinking again it's a pretty bad habit of his I mean sure hes a genius thinker like his mother but he sure has a lot on his mind especially with handling school and fighting or training and even you

"Ur like hella gay dude like man up and just give him a kiss or something " Goten really wanted this topic to change it's always about you for like what? forever now "I'm not gonna just kiss hi-" the bell rang

Goten was really happy to just go to class for once in his life it's not fun hearing your best just straight up talk about a guy when he doesnt man up and talk to him Goten thinks Trunks doesnt really talk to him now that he thinks about it does he even talk to him? Oh well

Trunks sat in his first period ah yes the best class Math doesnt matter which class it's all math and it all sucks but at least he gets to sit next to you his lovely crush his little boy crush

Honestly you dont really pay attention or anything you kinda just sit there and doodle in your notebook some notes here and there but other than that you're either spacing out or sleeping Trunks thinks you look nice while sleeping weird I know he thinks hes weird for finding you lovely while just passed tf out on your desk

But today you were awake somehow it's a catch up day yknow where you get all ur work turned in that's late or overdue or summatives all that jaz

"Can you help me on this worksheet I think I was sleeping when we were doing this topic" what Trunks snapped out of his gaze and looks at you You YOU YOU TALKED TO HIM hes just gonna blow up right then and there god you're just so- hes sitting there and staring too long you probably think hes an idiot or stupid

"Uh yeah I sure can let me see" trunks replied a bit hesitant but nonetheless the words were fine and it was better than rushing I guess

Yall say there for a but trying to work on this worksheet apparently you did infact slept on that day trunks had a bit trouble on the topic but he still nailed it down and yall got it done together

"Thanks man very nice of you" You offered him a fist bump which he gave one right back god you touched his hand he thought now he was thinking of yall holding hands god how much he wanted to do that he wanted to do a lot of things with you

If you dont think theres a lot of things just ask goten I'm sure he remembers after all Trunks literally talks documentaries about you all the time

As you turned in the paper work you sat back down you were either debating sleeping or just going on your phone trying to hide it from your teacher you decided the latter

Trunks was seriously thinking about this morning he really liked you and wanted to know if you feel the same he looked over at you and you were on your phone sheesh you were bad at hiding it and your screen

He saw it theres a picture of him on your phone? Excuse me why huh did you like him did you feel the same he must've been looking a little too long because you noticed and pulled the phone to your chest really close and a little far up so

"Y/n L/n is that a phone I see give it here" The teacher's voice boomed god he hated that teacher they were so annoying for no reason

The teacher went over and took Y/n's phone and went back to their next what a bitch he thought

"You didn't see anything did you" Trunks thoughts were interrupted when he heard you "I saw a pic of me?" He soon replied

"AH I'm sorry dude that's embarrassing" you seemed so ashamed of yourself for being caught

"That's ok maybe when you get your phone back at the end of the day I could maybe give you my number?" Bold move trunks he thought he sure was you looked at him you were so red in the face but you laughed it off

"yeah dude I'll love your number"

[edwinspaynes]

THE MERRY THIEVES & CO 🏳‍🌈🏴‍☠️🚩

Written as a gift for @emmalovesfitzloved.

CHAT TRANSCRIPT between wilde-wanderer, eldricheternalflames, thomas-the-tree, kit-li-the-science-guy, kickitwithcordy, grumpycatcarstairs, sciencebitchgrace, annaisgay, and sugared-tea-sweetheart. 23 June, 2023. GROUP CREATED by wilde-wanderer GROUP: THE MERRY THIEVES & CO 🏳‍🌈🏴‍☠️🚩

wilde-wanderer: FRIENDS, ROMANS, COUNTRYMEN. LEND ME YOUR EARS, FOR I COME INTO OUR HALLOWED CHAT BEARING NEWS™ OF THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE.

grumpycatcarstairs: Jesus, Fairchild. There's no need for you to send messages in all caps. Don't you know that it sends Thomas into a needless tizzy whenever you do that?

thomas-the-tree: Why do you always assume that my alarmed expressions are Matthew's fault? I just got a 100 day Duolingo streak, and this apparently gets me some 3 days of free Super Duolingo (?) Though I don't know what that means.

grumpycatcarstairs: Maybe I know. You could have looked up to ask me. I am literally three (3) feet away from you right now.

thomas-the-tree: Do you know, joon?

grumpycatcarstairs: No.

kickitwithcordy: Oh, stop flirting, dadash. Now, Matthew, what was it you wanted to tell us?

annaisgay: If that's flirting, he's awful at it. #sorrynotsorry, @/grumpycatcarstairs.

grumpycatcarstairs: Lol shut up.

thomas-the-tree: He's making this face. 😒😒😒

wilde-wanderer: I give 0 fucks about Alastair's facial expressions, lol. Do you want to hear my news or not?

eldricheternalflames: Why don't you just tell us, Math?

wilde-wanderer: I got the lead in The Importance of Being Earnest! I am so excited. You all know how much I love that play!

kickitwithcordy: OMG Matthew, that's so so amazing! Come to dinner at Curzon Street tomorrow so that we can celebrate? James will buy us a Charlotte Russe cake. I know it's your fave 😋

wilde-wanderer: Can't say no to that. Though I'll also expect @/kit-li-the-science-guy to bring some lemon tarts.

kickitwithcordy: Was my offering not enough!? 😢

sugared-tea-sweetheart: Once can never have too much sugar.

wilde-wanderer: THANK YOU ARI! You are a blessing on this earth.

annaisgay: You are. And you're right, darling, you need to consume as much sugar as you can, so you can be sweet when I kiss you.

grumpycatcarstairs: God, I'm going to puke.

thomas-the-tree: You're stuffing your face with tahdig right now, don't lie to the class.

grumpycatcarstairs: And YOU'RE playing that awful Flappy Bird knockoff game instead of crushing it in Duolingo.

wilde-wanderer: VALID. Flappy Bird was the best thing ever. Fuckin hate that it got deleted like what in the name of Oscar Wilde was that

kit-li-the-science-guy: sry fam, just got the notification. grace and i were trying to see whether or not goblin blood served as a good retardant for flames that had a small spark of heavenly fire in them, but unfortunately. there were complications

sciencebitchgrade: basically he started a minor fire in our parlor. it happens.

wilde-wanderer: OMG YOU BLEW SHIT UP WITHOUT ME? My heart is breaking within my tender bosom. You do know how I so love to see the fruits of your labors.

thomas-the-tree: That's what she said! That's what she said!

grumpycatcarstairs: That's incorrect, but I support you anyway.

eldricheternalflames: I support you, too.

kickitwithcordy: Me three!

kit-li-the-science-guy: anyway lol

kit-li-the-science-guy: you want grace and i to make u lemon tarts

kit-li-the-science-guy: ???

wilde-wanderer: More you than Grace, really.

sciencebitchgrace: why would i ever want to be left out of the baking

kit-li-the-science-guy: why would i ever leave her out of the baking

eldricheternalflames: It's frightening how well-suited you are.

kit-li-the-science-guy: thank u :-)

kickitwithcordy: Anyway!!! To catch Kit and Grace up, we're having a massive blowout at my (and James's) flat tomorrow. There will be a Charlotte Russe cake, maybe some games

kit-li-the-science-guy: games? can we play bomberman? also yea grace and i will come w tarts

wilde-wanderer: I second Bomberman. Also Super Smash Bros. Please. And Pin the Junk on the Hunk

grumpycatcarstairs: No. Am I the only one here with sense? Well, me and Grace.

sciencebitchgrace: the answer to your question is a resounding yes.

sugared-tea-sweetheart: I'm also sensible.

annaisgay: Sure you are, dearest. That's why I caught you singing to Percival earlier.

wilde-wanderer: OH ANNA CAN YOU BRING PERCY TO THE PARTY

annaisgay: Transporting him to Marylebone from Percy Street (or to Curzon Street) would be nigh on impossible, so I'll say no. I'm willing to do a lot for you, Math, but not dragging a massive snake through the streets of London.

wilde-wanderer: Ugh, FINE. Waste my youth.

sugared-tea-sweetie: I'll work on her, don't you worry.

kickitwithcordy: What if I don't want a stuffed snake in my entryway?

eldricheternalflames: OUR entryway. And you really don't want to show Percy off as yours? Just for one night!?

kickitwithcordy: Every guest at the party is in the group chat. Besides, I suppose, Oscar, assuming that you're bringing him? 🐶🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

thomas-the-tree: Wow, Alastair is right. You do use a lot of emojis.

thomas-the-tree: Not that that's a bad thing! It's a good thing. You're emotional. Emoji-tional. I really like that about you. But also I just want to say that Alastair is correct and no one can really contradict him in the future.

wilde-wanderer: Is Alastair making you say that?

grumpycatcarstairs: I don't make him do anything. He supports me because he loves me

eldricheternalflames: That's true. Remember when we all hated Alastair? Thomas always stood up for him.

thomas-the-tree: stopstopstop

grumpycatcarstairs: You had a crush on me LOL so embarrassing

eldricheternalflames: It was, dude. He was SO sappy

wilde-wanderer: Oh aLaStAiR wItH yOuR bEaUtIfUL HaiR hOw i CaNnOt hELp bUt sTaRe ----

grumpycatcarstairs: Update: He's blushing

kickitwithcordy: 😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳

eldricheternalflames: I love you SO much, Daisy. Snarky but sweet. Thank you for being just as you are. 😘

grumpycatcarstairs: Sappy meter: 10

kickitwithcordy: I love when you use emojis in solidarity with me.

annaisgay: I'd give them a 9. Remember when they went to prom back in high school?

wilde-wanderer: They went into an empty classroom and fucking WALTZED. Who the fuck does that? Romantics, that's who. James will go down in history as a Wife Guy when he and Cordelia finally tie the knot, and I'm the best man, and I toast him as a Wife Guy.

eldricheternalflames: You'll go down in history as the weird dude who gives bad toasts.

eldricheternalflames: 🤡😇😳😲😜

wilde-wanderer: No, I'll go down for being the World's Greatest Actor. Fam I'm ERNEST. I'm in an OSCAR WILDE PLAY. I am living the dream, communing with my idol, nurturing the hyperfixation!!!

wilde-wanderer: Speaking of my party, what time?

kit-li-the-science guy: were we talking about the party?

sciencebitchgrace: kinda

annaisgay: Yes

kickitwithcordy: He just said 7 PM. Since I'm extorting James into going to King's and purchasing the cake, I feel that going with his schedule would be a good sport.

thomas-the-tree: We'll see you there!

grumpycatcarstairs: We'll see you there.

thomas-the-tree: Jinx you owe me a kiss

wilde-wanderer: Sappy meter: 10/10. 🖕

CHAT TRANSCRIPT between kickitwithcordy and eldricheternalflames

kickitwithcordy: Sorry I'm texting from the bathroom. Doing my hair and other ladylike things. When are we going to tell them?

eldricheternalflames: That we tied the knot? I'm sure that they'll notice the ring. Unless you want to take it off for the night? I'd totally understand

kickitwithcordy: Never.

[with-love-from-hell]

hey babe 😘

I was wondering if you can do some headcanons for what the brothers (and whoever else's) top 3 favorite human-world meme references are (from vine, tik tok, or just random shit on the internet really haha) :3 im in the mood for something a bit more light-hearted. Love you boooo 💞

Hello dear! Yes I will absolutely do this haha.

I'm gonna go for ones they can say out loud or immitate. Maybe in the future I will do some where it's gifs/memes they send in chat lol

The brothers' favorite memes referenced by MC

Genre: comedy, headcanons

Cw: swearing

GN!Mc; No specifiers for gender used

If you wanna know any of the specific references bc a lot of these may be a bit older, let me know and I can send ya the meme or link to the video. These are just definitely some I can see them busting up laughing about haha. S/o to all you chaotic Mcs out there who would absolutely do shit like this at all times. I see you and I respect you. 🙏

Belphie

H.Y.C.Y.BH by Tom Cardy (singing directly at Lucifer when he loses something)

"Are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabs?" (again, directed at Lucifer)

"I cant believe i put on my good crocs for this."

Beel

"Ah." (E.g. the peanut butter baby)

Immitating the Surprised pikachu expression

"All these flavors, and yet you choose to be salty."

Asmo

"A man with an unwashed ass has an opinion again" (directed at literally any of his brothers when they say something stupid)

"___, you ignorant slut." (Name can be changed to be applied to literally anyone)

"Thats hot." (Immitating Paris Hilton and used to reference anything that is absolutely not hot)

Satan

"I won't hesitate, bitch." (Directed at anyone and everyone)

"This bitch empty...YEET!" (and then throwing something directly at Lucifer)

Any reference to those weird paintings of birds ("this jackassery will not stand," "the risk i took was calculated, but man am I bad at math") ("I'd sell you to Satan for one corn chip" is his favorite though)

Levi

"I'm going to break your Nico Nico Kneecaps!" (Directed at any of his brothers when they do something to piss you off)

"My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined" BECAUSE ITS CANON IN GAME OMG

"DO NOT FUCK WITH ME. I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE!" *screaming* (also including all of the movements)(also probably after awhile Mc would replace "God" with "Diavolo")

Mammon

"Do it." (Either in the Palpatine voice from Star Wars or imitating Shia LaBeouf. He loves both)

"It's Wednesday my dudes..." *screams*

Naruto running literally anywhere

Lucifer

Literally anything said/done by Wayne from Letterkenny ("hard no", "I wish you weren't so fuckin awkward, bud", *pulling out a red card when one of his brothers is acting a fool*, "...and I suggest you let that one marinate.")

"I think I died long ago and you _#_ are my eternal punishment." (Number changes depending on how many of the people around you got on your nerves)

"Whoa there friend you might need to slow down." (In literally any situation that's way too intense for that level of calm.) He hates that he finds this funny

[whogavemoththerighttohyperfix]

your fic’s awesome! you mentioned wanting HCs— could I have some Jane/Penny friendship with the other kids? 🌟

ID LOVE TOO!!

Penny is honest to god one of the most protective people in the friend group.

If Mischa is the mum friend, Constance is the Dad friend then penny is the bodyguard

Girl with throw you across the room with her pinky if you get to close to her friend than she likes.

She’s also like insanely strong, people think Mischa is the muscle and body of the friend group which he is to an extent but penny is in his level

Hold a grudge till she dies

They all do “I’ll knock you’ll talk” and every single time she gets stuck with the talking part

She dosent really mind though

The group had a competition on whether she was a cat or a dog person, she’s both

She has a Cat called Max and a dog called Katy, she thinks it’s funny that she switched the names

Only Noel, Mischa and Constance know how to drive but sometimes Penny will somehow get behind the wheel,

Every single one of them ended up huddling together and crying as Penny laughed like a madman

They regret it every time and say it will be the last time she goes behind athe wheel of a car in her life

She somehow does it again everytime

Made a bet that she could stay in the air using Rickys crutches for half an hour without wavering.

She stayed in the air for an hour, and won £50. She also couldn’t write for the next three days but it was worth it. She bought them all as much McDonald’s as they could eat

She can and will break into your house to cuddle

One time decked oceans dad in the face, he was high at the time so he dosent remember it but Penny says it still counts

Ok now onto general ones for each character

Mischa and penny get alone so we’ll man, she also practically lives with him. Mischa literally has a set up med specifically for her away from the one he has for the others

They’re both very cometative gamers and will curse out anyone in games no matter how much the others tell them to shut up.

One time when Mischa got into a fight with another student Penny ran up and put them into a choakhold until a teacher came and she gave him over with a smile

Mischa bought her ice cream as a thanks

If they go to the beach they always ended fake drowning eachother as in pulling eachother under the water until there both stopped and put on time out

Constance and penny are such a cute duo honest to god they’ll run around holding hands.

The both have a tendency to drag the other to look at what they want usually stuffeded animals or something though.

They’re an ungodly team at bowling, like if your up against them you better start praying for you life now cause you are getting beat 100%

Ricky and Penny were actually the first out of all of them to become friends, they were next door neighbours they had playdates even before nursery.

They practically read each other’s mind, all of them can speak with no words but then two especially, Ricky couldn’t talk and Penny didn’t like to so they can literally just stare talk

One time used Ricky’s crutches to beat up a kid who made fun of him for having to use them.

She also bought him cat and galaxy stickers for them to decorate his crutches with. He never took them off and let the others add to it

Ocean and her both basically have the same time tables at school, they spend basically every class together And the teachers hate them for it.

Ocean gives her math and English study plans and notes and Penny helps her out in PE

As in she will just pick ocean up when they’re doing a lap around the pitch because she will have an asthma attack and the PE teachers won’t let her use her in hailer

Going back to the HC that she decked Oceans dad, it was because the Choir saw him yelling at her and fuckin lunged at him.

He dosent remember a thing and she’s still kind of bitter that he dosent cayse she wants him to remember it

Noel and her get along so much better than people around them think, like Noel has a obsession with france Penny has an obsession with Italy

They both bond over it and plan to visit both country’s together. They’re saving up together

They are WLW and MLM friendship and both have beat up homophobes for the other

She also taught Noel how to fight! Cause she thought it would be fun

Noel: I don’t wanna do this

Penny: when I’m done with you, you’ll be able to choke a man to death with your thighs in heels

Noel: ok I’m in

Mischa: she can actually do that

Ocean: I know and I’m scared of Noel having that ability

Noel is literally a half decent fighter thanks to her, which is an amazing accomplishment cause man can’t do shit

[preggomancer]

There had been many times in the last few months when Alan had considered murdering his former roommate, and this was definitely one of them. 

After Dave had managed to get himself knocked up in perhaps the stupidest way possible by performing a spell to birth a series of ancient heroes anew on a dare, Alan had felt a sort of responsibility toward him. Alan and his girlfriend had both gone through magical pregnancies of their own, and Dave… wasn’t exactly the kind of guy to take great care throughout the process. 

As it turned out, though, trying to teach Dave about pregnancy was sort of like trying to give cooking lessons to a microwave. Apparently Dave’s baby was under some protective enchantment, so it wasn’t in any danger from Dave’s rampant bad life decisions, and he wouldn’t even be keeping the kids—there was an entire ancient order that had prophesied their return and would raise them for their divine purpose. All of which Dave took as great reasons to disregard all pregnancy advice and drive Alan completely crazy in the process. 

Unfortunately for Alan, he did still care about his friend, which is how Dave had ended up here, camping out at Alan’s apartment while he waited for the baby to come.

Dave had spent most of the last nine months shockingly active, in total disregard of the baby growing inside him, but Alan had outright refused to let him spend the last couple weeks before delivery in his wild party house. Alan liked to think he wouldn’t mind babysitting his pregnant friend so much if Alan hadn’t also had an eight-month-old of his own and two more on the way, rounding out his own belly at seven months enough to already outmatch Dave’s full-term bump, and if Dave’s little impregnation stint hadn’t landed his due date smack dab in the middle of finals week. 

Alan was good at multitasking, but right now, this was pushing his limits. He was trying to finish a twenty page paper, keep his baby entertained, all while Dave was apparently on a personal mission to drive him to distraction. 

Dave was on the couch, propped up on pillows, using his protruding belly as a table for his laptop, complaining nonstop about the math final he was supposed to be studying for. Alan tried his utmost to just ignore him, but once he heard Dave mutter “fuckin Greg, more like gre… gre.. more like… peg, cuz he’s such a stiff fuckin loser,” he put his head in his hands. 

“Dave. I am trying. To focus.”

“Oh right, sorry bro,” Dave said, very sincerely, and then continued to mutter to himself loudly. 

Alan turned around in his chair, which was no small feat with a belly that size to maneuver, and glared at his guest. “What has gotten into you?”

“Uh, a baby?”

“You’re not usually this annoying!”

“Thanks!” Dave rubbed his taut belly. “Sorry, man, I kinda have a stomach ache…”

Alan paused. “Wait, are you having contractions?”

“Uhhhhhh no.”

“You hesitated.”

“Nah, bro.” Dave waved his hand. “I just ate some weird wings or something. It’s been happening like all day.”

“Okay, are you sure, because early labor feels a lot like regular stomach cramps—“

“Alannnnn my maaaann I’m fiiiiine!” Dave rolled his eyes, giving Alan the look of an irritated teenager. “But, uh. Could you help me up? I gotta whizz again.” 

Hours passed, and Alan continued to tap away at his essay, all while Dave was getting antsier and antsier on the couch. 

“Hey, uh, Alan,” he called. 

“What.”

“Do you have any anti-tummy ache shit maybe?”

“Dave, are you sure this isn’t—“

“Yes! I ate week-old hot wings, okay?”

“Why. Why would you have done that.”

“I’m living la vida loca!” 

“God, I hate you.” 

Alan managed to find some Tylenol, trying to conjure up some sympathy despite how worn-out he felt dragging around his own massive belly, his swollen chest aching and back screaming with the weight of his front. Night was falling, and after he got his son to sleep he returned to find a very uncomfortable looking Dave. 

“You feeling any better?”

“Yeah so no actually—“ Dave cut off with a grimace. “…I would say worse is actually the one. Yeah.”

Alan sighed. “Okay, why don’t you go lie down in the other room for a bit?” Dave nodded stiffly, and Alan finished, “And if you don’t feel better soon, we are calling the hospital, okay?”

“You mean the ancient order dudes,” Dave corrected. “Cuz they have the magic shit. They said normal medicine won’t work for the pain or whatever.”

“See, that is the kind of information that would have been helpful to know weeks ago—“ Alan stopped himself and took a breath. “Okay. Let’s get you comfortable.”

Once he left Dave, Alan returned to his chair and breathed a deep sigh of relief. Reveling in the quiet, he dove into his essay headfirst, only to be broken out of his trance when by his son’s cries on the baby monitor. When he got back from rocking little Benny back to sleep, he finally glanced at the clock and realized just how many hours had passed. 

A feeling of dread crept up in Alan’s stomach. He glanced at his bedroom door, where he’d left Dave. 

“Please just be asleep, please just be asleep,” he muttered to himself, and peeked into the room. There, Dave was lying on his side, limbs curled around his heavy belly. Alan paused for a second, almost smiling at how sweet he looked. Until he heard a low, quiet moan come from the bed. 

Ah, fuck. 

Alan rushed over to the bedside. “Dave!” he hissed, only to be met with another moan. Alan’s eyes widened as he realized he could see the contraction passing over Dave’s belly, the muscles of his torso contracting violently around his womb. 

He shook Dave’s shoulder as the contraction passed. “Dave! Why didn’t you say something!!!”

“Oh, hey, Alan…” Dave’s voice sounded weak. “Hey, uh,  I think I might be in labo–hrk.” Dave convulsed again, breathing in sharply. 

“Please tell me you called the wizard guys at least.” This was bad. If Dave couldn’t get out a full sentence between contractions, that was not a good sign.

Once Dave could catch his breath, he squinted. “Oh shit. Right. Forgot. Ow.”

“Fucking hell, Dave. How far away are they?”

“Uh ow ow ow fuck ow, uh, um, like, threeeee hours?” He gulped a breath of air, wincing. 

“I’m going to kill you someday, you know that?”

“Can it be now?” Dave replied weakly.

“Okay. Shit. Um. Can you take your pants off?”

Dave gave him the look of someone who was incredibly confused about the truck he was being hit by. “...Why?”

“I need to see how far along you are, okay?” 

Dave nodded, then groaned as another contraction hit. Alan waited through it, then tried to disrobe his friend as casually as possible. He was glad Dave was at least distracted. Then his eyes widened. 

“Jesus christ,” he whispered. Dave looked like he was almost fully dilated. Alan thought hard. There was a very, very good chance Dave wouldn’t last until the order showed up. He had no doctor, no midwife, nothing. The nearest hospital was far enough away it would risk the baby coming in transit–or, best case scenario, Dave would have to give birth alone, in a cold, strange place, surrounded by strangers, with zero pain management options. Not a great option for anyone, and definitely not for a young trans guy. 

“Okay.” Alan put a hand on Dave’s shoulder. “Dave. Listen. I had a home birth, I was there when my girlfriend had her daughter. I’m gonna help you do this, because you’re gonna do it here.”

Dave’s eyes widened. “Huh? No nononono, I don’t wanna do that–”

“Then you shouldn’t have–okay. Never mind. I’m gonna grab some supplies.”

Alan quickly shuffled through his apartment, tossing things aside as he tried to remember everything on his own home birth checklist. Ask he tore through his linens cabinet, a cry came from the other room. 

“ALAN! ALAN SOMETHING IS WRONG ALAN ALAAAAAAN—”

Alan stumbled into the room, dropping his supplies and scrambling over to find Dave had pushed himself into a semi-seated position, and had a horrified look on his face. 

“What?? What’s—” Alan took a look, and stopped. “Oh. It’s okay, Dave, your water just broke. That’s supposed to happen!”

“WHAT.”

“Man, there go my sheets…” Alan looked mournfully at his bed. There was no saving that bedspread now. 

Alan dunked a washcloth in a small bucket of water he’d brought and wiped it across his friend’s brow. “Hey, come on, let it out, Dave! You’re keeping it all in.”

“A-FUCK OW—hhhhh-actually I think it’s coming out against my will??”

“No, I mean, you can scream and shit.”

“Oh.” Dave blinked, and then started screaming his head off. 

Oh dear god please nobody call the police on us, Alan prayed to no one in particular. He stayed close to Dave, trying to get him to breathe, stop thrashing around like a maniac, and stay calm, mostly to no avail. 

“Listen, Dave, listen to me,” Alan said, catching Dave in a brief moment between contractions when he stopped yelling long enough to hear anything, “this is called transition, and this is the hardest part, right? So after it you’re going to—“

He was cut off while Dave started screaming again. He waited a minute. The scream ended. 

“Okay so you’re going to start feeling the urge to push soon, and that means transition is over. So right now it’s just about—“ (scream, thrash) “—about getting through the pain, so just try to focus on your breathi—“

Dave’s back arched, and he let out a howl of agony so intense it felt downright cinematic. Dave turned to Alan. “BRO. WHY DOES THIS SUCK SO MUCH.”

“Well, um, when we evolved as apes to stand upright we sort of sacrificed a pelvic structure wide enough to accommodate a reasonable birth canal, so—“

Dave panted. “That fucking SUCKS, FUCK monkeys all my homies hate monkeys let’s go back to being wolves or whatever the fuck—oh Jesus fucking christ—“

Alan’s eyebrows raised as Dave made the most strangled expression he’d ever seen on a human being. “Um, Dave, you okay there?”

Dave responded with a sound sort of like “HHNNNRRRRGGGGKkHH.” 

“Hey, talk to me, what’s—“

“HOW DO I NOT PUSH??”

“Wh—” Alan’s eyes widened. “No, DO push! Pushing is good!”

“OH. HOW DO I PUSH??”

“Uh. You just.” Alan thought for a moment. “Huh, that’s interesting, I actually don’t know how to describe it! I just sort of did it on instinct, now that I think about it. Hm, how to explain it… well, it’s sort of li—“

“HNNNNNNNERGGGGGGGGGH.”

“Yeah, like that.”

Dave’s chest heaved, his forehead glistening with sweat. “Is-is it stuck or something??” He looked desperately at Alan. “Do you have to pull it out??”

“Boy, I sure hope not.” Alan started helping Dave into a squat. “It’s gonna take more than one push, man.”

“Wh-how many? Three??”

“Um, well, the pushing phase lasted about four hours for me, though that was on the longer side…”

Dave’s eyes widened in horror. 

“But it’s okay!! It’s, uh, it’s not that bad!”

“I FEEL LIKE I AM BEING STABBED WITH NINETEEN KNIVES.”

“Okay yeah it is that bad.” 

Quickly arranging the towels he’d managed to grab from his closet, Alan guided Dave into a reasonable position, legs spread beneath him. Alan slowly lowered himself down to kneel in front, offering his shoulders as a support. Dave continued to rotate between his sort of grunt-moan-yelling as he pushed with all his might and the brief pauses of respite between contractions in which he mostly looked… kind of bewildered. 

“You’re doing great,” Alan said softly while Dave caught his breath. “Just keep breathing, try to relax while you push…”

“Is this—is this-“ Dave took a huge gulping breath. “Is this like, normal??”

“Well, every birth is unique!”

“But the-the stabbiness? And the wanting to chew your skin off thing?”

“Oh, yeah, that’s, that’s kind of standard. Unless you have an epidural, I guess. Uh, I don’t know about the skin part though?”

“Yeah man I’m really not a fan of having skin currently I’m kinda fixating on i—“ Dave cut off as another contraction crashed into him, and he pushed with all his might. Then, Alan gasped.

“The baby’s crowning! Come on, just a little more!”

Dave looked down and screamed. 

“Oh Jesus, please tell me you at least knew that’s where the baby comes out of—“

“YES I KNEW THAT BUT OH MY GOD THERES A BABY THERE??”

“Yes, please stop thrashing around, that’s the baby—”

“NOO NONONO I DO NOT LIKE THAT.” 

Dave’s look of terror turned quickly into pain as he let out a strangled sound and gave into pushing. 

“Oh boy, um, Dave, maybe don’t look down.”

Dave’s eyes opened as he panted and immediately looked down. He let out an even higher pitched shriek. 

“AAAAAAAAAA???”

“This—Listen, it doesn’t come out all at once-“

Dave continued shrieking. Now, personally, Alan had been too relieved and excited to feel much else when he’d been at this step. But he was starting to see how having a baby’s head sticking out of you could be… a little disturbing.

“AAAAAAA GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET IT OUT”

“Then push!”

“OKAY.” Dave made a noise, his breaths coming hard and fast. Then he dug his fingers hard into Alan’s soft shoulders and pushed with all his might, yelling from the strain even as Alan yelled back in excitement, reaching forward, cloth ready. 

Dave opened his eyes to see Alan hold up a crying baby. He blinked, staring at the tiny screaming infant, and collapsed immediately. 

When Dave came to, he was tucked neatly into Alan’s bed, the fresh smell of clean sheets surrounding him. He turned to see Alan sitting next to him, feeding the teeny baby from his breast. 

“Heheh,” Dave mumbled weakly, “titty…”

“Dave! You did it!” Alan grinned. 

“Wooooo.” Dave pumped his fist about one millimeter in the air. “I am a bad bitch.”

“Members of the order should be here in fifteen minutes.” Wiping the baby's mouth, Alan held her out toward Dave. "Do you want to hold her?”

Dave squinted at Alan, looking over the wrinkly little thing in his arms. It was strange to think, but even as Dave’s belly deflated, he knew he wasn’t done yet. His ritual still bound him in its terms, and even now the next baby would be forming its first cells inside his worn-out womb. It would remain full of life until all four children were born, one after another. 

“Nah,” he answered. “I don’t really like babies.” 

[winterrose42]

Gotta love the all consuming sudden thought patterns. I dont wanna yhink about yhis thought loop right now i am work we're gonna shove it down a bit. Heres a related nicer bone to chew on the friemd gave us go fetch

Sudden All Consuming Thought: ASTRONOMY

.......i- yeaj? Sure.bud astronomy-

NOW

Alright???? Yeah fine we're at work but we'll look up astronomy shit between checking things my god.

AND PHYSICS

When....no. Physics is math we hate math. Chemistry was bad enough im not looking at physics thats too much.

Suddenly in real life above my fuckin microscope i am going to start bawling bc i am??? Chastising a stray braincell in my head??? That i am then trying to soothe with the thought that we're foing to the library starting next month we can check nooks out there cam we please not spend money on something i know i will hate? To which i then do atart crying and am now fuckin researching astronomy books bc my god the brain hath apoken we mow like physics. And i am compromising and getting an attogeology book bc thats rocks in space and at least that makes more sense interest wise

[briiwcc]

fezco x oc • hate you

before fezco was known as the town's drug dealer, he was just a regular high school student. well, as regular as any kid who lived in the shitty part of town with a drug dealing grandma could be but when fezco was seventeen he had a semi-normal life.

he got pretty decent grades and he was great at math. he also basically stayed to himself, or at least tried to.

but, there was always one person who seemed to always get a kick out of bothering him.

sasha motherfuckin' james...

a sixteen year old star lifted up her hand for the fifth time in the period and frowned once her teacher called on someone else.

"why don't we give the other students a chance ms. james."

star looked behind her to see mrs. stevens had called on fezco.

"it's not like he knows anything." she mumbles with a small giggle causing an uproar of laughs to fall behind her.

fezco leaned forward in his seat and raised his right eyebrow. "sasha, what did you jus' say about me?" he asks clenching his jaw when star turned around in her seat to face him with an annoyingly perfect smile, "oh? im sorry. should i say it a little slower? i know it's hard with you being on the short bus and all." she evilly mocked.

god, fezco hated her. he hated how she walked around like she owned the place, he hated how she talked down on everyone and fezco always wondered, who gave her the right?

star was just like the rest of the shitty people in this shitty town. stuck going nowhere.

so, why the hell was her head up so high.

star james single-handedly made fezco's high school life hell every day, he never knew what he had done to provoke her but it seemed she just always got a kick in making his life miserable and he fucking hated her for it.

"now if i smack the shit out of you i would be wrong, right?"

"alright! the both of you enough." mrs stevens interrupted with a tired sigh, it seemed like everyday the two students were at eachother's throats and she felt helpless just watching.

just as she was about to ask them if they wanted detention the final bell rang and all her students quickly left her classroom.

star put her worksheets in her folder and tossed it in her bag before standing up and throwing it over one shoulder. she made her way into the hallway and gasped when a scrawny body bumped into hers.

she looked down seeing the spilled coffee all over her white jeans and shoes. the boy immediately bent down trying to wipe it off.

"i'm sorry."

"don't fucking touch me!"

the neurotic boy stood up and star watched as his cheeks turned red in embarrassment and she wasn't scared to admit she got a kick out of making him nervous, "i'm sorry. it was just an accident."

star tilted her head to the side, "is that what the doctors told your mom and dad at the hospital?" seeing the look on his face she giggles and walked past him making sure to bump her shoulder into his.

fezco, who watched the whole interaction go down sent him a sympathetic look. "you good?"

"yeah, she's the worst." the lanky sophomore picked up his books that fell and smiled when fezco helped him, "thanks, man i really appreciate it."

"no problem."

the school day went by pretty fast after that and before he knew it fezco was laid up in his bed typing away at his laptop trying to complete his calculus homework which was way past due.

he heard a notification come from his phone and rolled his eyes at the contact before opening the message thread

stupid fuckin' bitch

you called me sasha today

stupid fuckin' bitch

tf did i tell you about calling

me by my government

fez

shut the fuck up bro

fez

the fuck do you want

stupid fuckin' bitch

u free 2nite?

fez

be here in 20

seen

not even 15 minutes had passed before fezco was opening his front door and sneaking the girl inside.

and before the two knew it...

star moaned throwing her head back as fezco thrusted into her.

"what was that shit you was talkin' earlier huh?" he mocked sneaking his hand to cover her face with the palm of his hand.

fezco's ocean eyes were black with hatred and lust, admiring how her boobs bounced with every movement he made, how her cries died on her throat due to his hand, how the bed slammed against the wall making the photos she put up shake a little from the amount of force.

"fuck-" star whimpered placing her hand on his lower abdomen, "please don't stop." she cries, her actions contradicting her statements.

fezco lifted his hand from her face allowing her to breathe correctly again and placed it on the side of her head. he usually preferred hitting it from the back when it came to star because the sight of her face pissed him off and turned him on all at the same time which, ultimately pissed him off.

i just wanna fuck. no strings attached.

when star first said those words he 100% thought she was just trying to make a fool out of him which wouldn't be a surprise since she was probably the most evilest bitch that ever walked the face of the earth.

but, she was also hot so you know, why not?

"i'm coming." she announced feeling the familiar hot sensation in her stomach, star came around his dick soaking him in her arousal.

fezco quickly pulled out and jerked himself off onto her stomach making her cringe, "ew i told you to stop fucking doing that." she slapped her stomach in a useless attempt at wiping it off.

he threw her legs to the side and star sat up rolling her eyes as she tried to find a rag.

"someone's a little rude."

fezco tosses her a damp one after emerging from the bathroom.

star thanks him and pulls him back by his bicep when he went to walk away, "what? no kiss goodbye?" she mockingly asks puckering her lips.

"yo get the fuck out my house."

[creapysummer]

SoC Incorrect Quotes

Kaz: Time for plan G.

Inej: Don’t you mean plan B?

Kaz: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

Jesper: What about plan D?

Kaz: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

Matthias: What about plan E?

Kaz: I’m hoping not to use it. Kuwei dies in plan E.

Wylan: I like plan E.

******

Kaz: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

Inej: >:O language

Wylan: Yeah watch your fucking language

Jesper: OKAY WHO TAUGHT WYLAN THE FUCK WORD?

Nina: 'The fuck word'.

Matthias: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

Jesper: Oh my god he censored it

Nina: Say fuck, Matthias.

Jesper: Do it, Matthias. Say fuck.

******

Inej: We need to distract these guys

Kaz: Leave it to me

Kaz: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.

Jesper, Wylan, and Nina: *Immediately begin arguing*

Matthias, watching in horror: Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.

******

'Can I copy the homework?'

Inej: I can help you with it!

Matthias: Yeah, sure.

Jesper: Bold of you to assume I did the homework.

Nina: lol nope.

Wylan: Wait, we had homework?!?!?!

Kaz: *Read 5:55pm*

******

Inej: Croissants: dropped

Wylan: Road: works ahead

Nina: BBQ sauce: on my titties

Jesper: Shavacado: fre

Kaz: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead

Matthias: Matthias, grumpy: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

******

Jesper: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*

Nina: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents

Jesper: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you

Inej: Actually I did the math, Nina would have $225, not $0.15.

Nina: Fam I’m right here....

Wylan: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)

Jesper: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?

Wylan: Sorry I only have a dollar

Jesper: :(

Inej: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Nina would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent

Wylan: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice

Matthias: You can buy anything you want with $22,500

Nina: Yeah and they want soda and apply juice

Inej: Apply juice to what

Kaz: Directly to the forehead

Inej: Great chat everyone

******

Inej: Just be yourself.

Jesper: 'Be myself'? Inej, I have one day to win Wylan over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?

Nina: Couple weeks.

Matthias: Six months.

Kaz: Jury’s still out.

Jesper: See, Inej? Jesper: 'Be myself'. What kind of garbage advice is that?

******

Kaz: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.

Inej: What if it bites me and it dies!?

Jesper: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Inej, learn to listen.

Wylan: What if it bites itself and I die?

Nina: That’s voodoo.

Matthias: What if it bites me and someone else dies?

Inej: That’s correlation, not causation.

Wylan: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?

Nina: That’s kinky.

Matthias: Oh my God.

******

Kaz: I CAN'T DO IT!

Inej, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!

Kaz: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE

Jesper: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.

Kaz:

Kaz: I appreciate it,

Kaz: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-

Wylan: Kaz-

Kaz: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!

Nina: Kaz we gotta-

Kaz: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT. Kaz: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?' Kaz, motioning to Matthias: NOT FUCKING THIS

******

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*

Kaz: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.

Everyone:

Inej: ...I did. I broke it.

Kaz: No. No you didn't. Jesper?

Jesper: Don't look at me. Look at Wylan.

Wylan: What?! I didn't break it.

Jesper: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?

Wylan: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.

Jesper: Suspicious.

Wylan: No, it's not!

Matthias: If it matters, probably not, but Nina was the last one to use it.

Nina: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!

Matthias: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Nina: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Matthias!

Inej: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Kaz.

Kaz: No! Who broke it!?

Everyone:

Wylan: Kaz... Kuwei’s been awfully quiet.

Kuwei: rEALLY?!

*Everyone starts arguing*

Kaz, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.

Kaz: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.

Kaz:

Kaz: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

[inlocusmads]

more of disaster detective nora

Because I just want them to thrive on chaos and be proud that they got at least 0.3% of the work done.

lots of scarpering, running and just being like super hyper when she's made a crack in the case

chugging concentration pills like food until she just goes "beh, they don't work" because Nora here thinks she can win her war against sleep

ends up sleeping over a whole mess of files, waking up to find half of them gone because she left the window open fuck

chugs coffee by the metric ton

walks around interrogating people with tired bags under her eyes and just bloodshot pupils, shoving her ID up people's faces and going "TELL ME EVERYTHING." and it's like the scariest shit ever

getting distracted like seven times and sidetracked fourteen times

can't do math. No. No conception of time or space or basic calculations to get a godforsaken doughnut so she's like "hi ok just put it on my card PLEASE I can't do with change"

wearing the same pair of denim trousers five days in a row with perfume

coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee

existential crisis which involves at least three plaguing pieces of doubt in her head

reconsidering her career and going all full disappointed Asian parent "why couldn't I have been a doctor instead?"

Getting sidetracked because there's a magazine and everyone looks like they're having a fest and a half and she's just lowkey jealous but highkey finds them super pretty

Spending a lot of time thinking if she should get a tie because it'll go with her outfit

Thinking if she should splurge on those disco boots and just shave her hair and go absolutely insane and hit mid life crisis at age 32

Remembers she's a responsible adult and does responsible work for two minutes before getting in another hour of nap time, only to wake up at fuckin 9pm at night

Ruby's gone

Luke's gone

Heck even Mafalda has gone after sticking a sticky note on her face, telling her she should get going or else

m o r e. c o f f e e . extra bitter because she hates herself

going through like five depressive episodes because she made like only one decent break in the case and nothing else

Sad-listens to ABBA for a whole hour.

Sad-works and rushes everything up by 12am

Goes back home

Gets yelled at by Uncle Tommy

Doesn't sleep at all. Still thinking about the case. Gets a jolt of LIGHTNING and continues to work on other pending shit at like 3 in the morning

Never sleeps at all

Wakes up at 4, decides to be healthy and goes back to sleep. Wakes up at 5, decides "okay you were in the NYPD for god's sake build up those muscles" and goes back to bed

It's eight. She's late.

Fuuuuuck catch three buses, wait for like fifteen cabs and Ubers, shit, Run Nora, Run! Running, just sprinting across like an absolute mad person.

Finally makes it only for this to repeat over and over and over and over again.

bonus: + trystan's reactions

"Nora seriously, STOP! TELL ME WHERE WE ARE GOING! okay we're -- I thought this guy was in the other street!"

"you need food" "no i-" "actual PROPER breakfast, this is an insult to me and my entire home country" *goes on this passionate slavic rant about how cuisine brought them all together* "and that's why you need proper food!"

"Get a cot." "No, I quite like the desk actually." "You literally have a keypad print on your face. Are you okay."

"Drakovian coffee is better. This American swill is nothing but water mildly flavoured- I SAID WHAT I SAID, DETECTIVE!"

*talking to an annoying witness* "okay I promise my partner here is not dangerous. She's a prominent private--" "AND I'LL TELL YOU ONE MORE THING, YOUR MOTHER-" "detective, you're really not helping your case."

"that is enough Wikipedia for one day, you do not need to know about tectonic plates for now."

"I'm not American and I know how to add cents and dollars!" "I've got this figured out!! It's three-- hold on, three -- what's three plus --" "Seventeen. I've paid for it. Keep the change. Detective, seriously, this is primary school maths! We're cracking open the books now."

"is that the same jeans you wore yesterday?" "No, i have multiple pairs of the same thing." "There's a lollipop stuck to it that's been there since Monday."

"DRAKOVIAN COFFEE IS BETTER." "FUCK YOU."

"you deserve all happiness, Nora."

"you are an excellent private detective and I could not have done anything without-"

"THAT IS ENOUGH VOGUE - oh wait, is that -- my, that is a wonderful piece! Hold on, I'm not finished with this page - this is absolutely breathtaking -- why must people be so wonderful-looking?"

"get a tie." "But I don't want to." "Then don't." "But I want to."

"no." "But disco boots." "As a fashion connoisseur, I forbid you from hitting that button." "Sparkly shit, cmon man." "No."

"YES you are responsible! Finally! We're back on track and--"

"too soon?" "Too soon." "Hold on I died again at this Flappy Bird game, this is STUPID!"

"you're still here?" (Groggy) "of course I am."

"HOW AREN'T YOU ASLEEP" "I WAS" "IN YOUR PENTHOUSE!" "I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE YOU ALONE" "I'LL BE FINE" *more squabbling*

"DRAKOVIAN COFFEE" "Trystan I swear to fucking God I will punch you-"

"it's okay, we'll get back to this" "it's NOT okay!"

"Gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight --"

"you'd better get your eight hours worth' of rest." "Yes sir." "No because I might just personally threaten you." "Ha your threats don't work - holy shit okay fine you can stare, glare, I get it fine, FINE."

*More midnight squabbling. Trystan's yelling the importance of sleep at her in Drakovian. Nora's yelling back in Chinese. Both are stupidly sleep deprived to even talk in English.*

"FINALLY, it's eight o'clock! How are you late?" "How are you early?" "Easy, I sleep. And also I got you Drakovian coffee which-" "TRYSTAN THORNE I WILL KILL YOU."

They're just disasters who are openly disastrous only to the other lmao. Nora's like super cool with her aura of mystery and swagger but inside she's like a violent tornado child who shouldn't be left alone for five seconds because she's already wandered off to watch cool explosions and Trystan's the same, except he's the one starting those explosions.

[malico-mallie]

Tbp incorrect quote compilation

these were all from a generator btw

this is the generator i used Finney: Croissants: dropped  Robin: Road: works ahead  Vance: BBQ sauce: on my titties  Bruce: Shavacado: fre  Griffin : Miss Keisha: fuckin dead  Billy:  Billy, grumpy: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

Grabber: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something? Robin: Nope, absolutely not. Vance: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through. Bruce: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life. Griffin : I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you. Billy: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.

Finney: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.  Robin: What if it bites me and it dies!?  Vance: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Robin, learn to listen.  Bruce: What if it bites itself and I die?  Griffin : That’s voodoo.  Billy: What if it bites me and someone else dies?  Robin: That’s correlation, not causation.  Bruce: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?  Griffin : That’s kinky.  Finney: Oh my God.

Finney: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*  Robin: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents  Finney: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you  Vance: Actually I did the math, Robin would have $225, not $0.15.  Robin: Fam I’m right here....  Bruce: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)  Finney: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?  Bruce: Sorry I only have a dollar  Finney: :(  Vance: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Robin would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent  Bruce: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice  Vance: You can buy anything you want with $22,500  Griffin : Yeah and they want soda and apply juice  Vance: Apply juice to what  Billy: Directly to the forehead  Robin: Great chat everyone

Finney, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here.  Robin: Hey.  Vance: Hi.  Bruce: Hello.  Griffin : Hey!  Finney: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!  Billy: We were out of Doritos.

Finney: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?  Robin: >:O language  Vance: Yeah watch your fucking language  Bruce: OKAY WHO TAUGHT VANCE THE FUCK WORD?  Griffin : 'The fuck word'.  Billy: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time  Vance: Oh my god they censored it  Griffin : Say fuck, Billy.  Vance: Do it, Billy. Say fuck.

Finney: We need to distract these guys Robin: Leave it to me Robin: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss. Vance, Bruce, and Griffin : *Immediately begin arguing* Billy, watching in horror: Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.

*The squad is over at Finney's house* Robin: Ohhhh, we each get our own oven? Finney: ... N-No... Finney, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have??? Robin, motioning to their kitchen: Three, I thought! Vance: I see a- Finney, motioning to one device: This is a microwave. Robin: Oh, well I- Finney: Hey wait wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave* Finney, amazed: Its got a bake setting! Bruce: Ohoho, you learn something new every day! Griffin : Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first? Finney: Now I've just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don't have to roshambo nothin! Finney: I am someone who owns four ovens... Finney, louder and way too happy: I am someone... who owns FOUR OVENS... Finney: I didn't know I was so rich with ovens... Billy, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven! Finney: Robin: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens! Finney: Finney, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS

'Can I copy the homework?'  Finney: I can help you with it!  Robin: Yeah, sure.  Vance: Bold of you to assume I did the homework.  Bruce: lol nope.  Griffin : Wait, we had homework?!?!?!  Billy: *Read 5:55pm*

Finney: What’s something you guys are better than Robin at?  Vance: Mario Kart.  Bruce: Yeah, video games.  Griffin : Emotional vulnerability.

Finney: Looking left cause you don’t treat me right Robin: Looking right because you left Vance: Looking up cause you let me down Bruce: Looking down cause you fucked up Griffin : What is wrong with you guys

Finney: Nothing in life is free.  Robin: Love is free!  Vance: Adventure is free.  Bruce: Knowledge is free.  Griffin : Everything is free if you take it without paying.

Finney: Robin and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us  Bruce: *Sighing* What did Robin do?  Finney: They chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...  Robin: Who wants a steering wheel?

Bruce: Come on, I wasn’t that drunk last night.  Robin: You were flirting with Vance.  Bruce: So what? They're my partner.  Robin: You asked them if they were single.  Bruce:  Robin: And then you cried when they said they weren't.

Finney: *Gently taps table* Robin: *Taps back* Griffin : What are they doing? Bruce: Morse code. Finney: *Aggressively taps table* Robin: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

Vance: Self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys.  finney: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap!  Griffin : Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies’ eyes!!!  Bruce: Lmao self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting.  Finney: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

Billy: Why are Finney and Robin sitting with their backs to each other? Griffin: They had a fight. Billy: Then why are they holding hands? Griffen: They get sad when they fight

Robin: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.  Finny, used to Robin being dumb: Sure...  Robin: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.  Finny: Okay?  Robin: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.  Finny: Robin: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-  Finny: Jesus, that one is a little-  Billy, interested: No, no, Robin, keep going

[artsy-hobbitses]

Artsy I feel you when it comes to parental induced trauma. I do care for my parents but mixing my anxiety ridden, emotional personality with their quick tempers was never fun. They wonder why I don’t tell them stuff? That’s why; they always made situations feel more intense than they needed to be and I hated it. Luckily my Dad mellowed out (apparently divorce is enough to realize bad parenting skills). My mom not so much. I still care for her, but gaslighting and accusing your own daughter of things that are NOT true and have no basis all because she loses track of time is not how you kept her in your life!

Sorry about the rant. Just saw your post and it reminded of things I really don’t want, but probably need to think about a bit more when it comes to my parents.

God that's a mood, saddest brofist of bad-tempered parents we still care for man ;;

And yeah!!!! I feel that too, I'm aware that I'm actually very good at masking my emotions irl, I tend to tell white lies/undersell situations, and for the longest time I didn't tell them shit either because I did not want to be perceived as anything outside of the Good (slightly spacey) Kid Who Never Gave Them Any Trouble (but oh god her math grades).

My mom reduced me to TEARS when I was seven-ish because I used one of those standing pencil sharpeners wrong and something inside it got damaged (It became less yelling as I grew older, and more emotional guilt, which I've also come to recognise and hate) and stuff like that that combined with the very weird way she used to praise me because I didn't cry when my dad hit me after a while (compared with my brother who always did/much more physically dreaded it) has translated to me HATING the idea of crying for any outside force whatsoever. And it really fuckin sucks when you KNOW a good cry can be very helpful sometimes, but there's a part of you that just refuses to entertain the idea until it becomes legit physically painful.

It's good to hear your dad mellowed out at least! Too bad it took the divorce, but better late than never with these sorts of things. I'm super sorry to hear that your mom still hasn't learned a goddamn thing, though.

Sometimes you just get an "Oh, yeah, that was really sort of fucked up" moment, and it just hit me tonight too tbh.