#god......... pandoras so fucking dumb

[reindeerswillsavethisworld]

I think Danny Phantom fandom is absolutely sleeping on the sheer dumb bulshittery Danny, Sam and Tucker generate on the regular and it’s a fucking shame. Like, the three of them have exactly one (1) single braincell between them, and the only one to use it at least semi-regularly is Jazz. You literally can’t leave them for five minutes without them stumbling into some new bullshit every single time. Granted, a lot of times bullshit finds them first instead of the other way around, but by god will they make the situation worse. They run into the situations with the same reckless abandon the cockchafers fly into any solid obstacle in their way, and you’d think that at least one of them will be the voice of reason, and you’d be dead wrong.

Danny? He thought pranking a murder happy millionaire with a vindictive streak the size of Grand Canyon was a great idea. And then, like a moron, he decided to use equally murder happy government agency with a huge prejudice against ghosts and a vendetta against him, personally. Absolutely nothing that could go wrong with that, obviously!

(spoiler alert, things did go very wrong very fast)

Tucker? A valid choice at the first glance, except he is always down to commit crimes for either his friends or just for funsies. Remember that time he ran an obviously illegal babysitting scam business? Or that time when he brainwashed and then dimensionally displaced the whole school into Ancient Egypt setting? Another notable instances of Tucker being a menace, in no particular order: organised o pro-meat protest in a few hours, tried to shoot a ghost with his phone as a projectile (and succeeded), sold Sam out to a ghost out of sheer pettiness, gave Skulker an alarm-induced ptsd, almost killed Danny that one time (don’t worry, Danny was fine) and in general committed to being bullshit-enabling gremlin.

Now Sam would seem the most grounded and reasonable out of three of them, but it is what SHE wants you to believe. She is just as, if not more, unhinged as the boys, she just hides it better. Remember that time she trashed the castle and antagonised a few dozen of armed guards, while having no back up, no weapons, no allies and while being in some shithole in the Ghost Zone? And then basically told a tyrannical asshole with op dragon powers “fuck you and your entire kingdom” in the face? And then rode another dragon who put said asshole through a wall? Good times.

They all seem like perfectly reasonable people at the first glance, and then Tucker and Danny would dare each other to lick that weird glowing green rock, and Sam would roll her eyes and groan about how stupid boys are, and then Tucker would dare her to lick that glowing rock too, and Danny will say, “Come on, Tuck, it’s okay if she’s too afraid to do it-”, and yes, Sam and her mother have many disagreements on a lot of things, but both her mother AND Granny did not raise a fucking bitch, move over, Tucker, or so help her the spirit of Pandora-

They all end up absolutely miserable in ecto-containment units sick as hell with ecto-flu and on all questions answer that no, they don’t know how this happened, maybe it was ghost attack last week, they did get blasted by that green goo, after all, but really, they have absolutely no idea, honest. Jazz suspects something, but she also has no proof and therefore can’t prove anything. In the end, it was one of the worst weeks in their life and they all ended up swearing to not do it ever again.

(they do end up doing it again two months later)

[askinkiskarma]

ᴋɪɴᴋᴛᴏʙᴇʀ ᴅᴀʏ ɪɪɪ - ᴛʜɪɢʜ ʀɪᴅɪɴɢ

pairing: dilf!jake x human!reader (part of False God)

➽ a/n: i wrote this literally an hour before posting so i hope you besties enjoy x i was gonna reuse an older jake drabble but @jakexneytiri inspired this, so blame her hahahaha. dilf!jake will never not make me feral and weepy, much like our reader is. this drabble is also loosely based in False God, because the dynamic seemed to fit them. anyway i will stop rambling enjoyyy x

➽ words: 600 words

➽ warnings: it goes without saying, but all of these works (kinktober-related) are smut and therefore minors should NOT interact with them. other warnings include: slightly mean!jake, dacryphilia, pet names (doll, kid), p in v

➽ taglist (x) ➽ kinktober masterlist (x)

“Daddy…” the half mewl, half-whine you let out wasn’t lost on Jake, who, whilst couldn’t quite see your face, immediately perked at the name that will never cease to send blood shooting straight to his cock. He didn’t know how there was any blood left in his body, his erection so hard it was painful, twitching and throbbing, begging for your tight little cunt to wrap around him, to milk him 'til the last drop, 'til his seed was forever imprinted on your walls. But now wasn’t the time - patience is a virtue, one Jake has had to learn in time, in his 43 years on Earth and maybe even more so here, on Pandora. You weren’t ready. You were so small - too small -, a tiny, ineffectual human who somehow managed to pull him away from the life he’s built, with your beauty and your brains, with your inquisitive mind and your warm, inviting heart. You needed an orgasm, or three, to get your pretty pussy ready for him, for him to breed you like he envisioned and give into his worst, most delirious fantasies. 

So here you were, after your third orgasm, still pouncing vigorously on his leg, that was glistening even in the dim light peering through the curtains, the sound of your moans, mingled perfectly with the slapping of skin on skin, enough to drive him into a frenzy. 

“What’s wrong, doll? Tell daddy what’s on your mind.” 

The hands rested forcefully on either one of your hips, pressing your swollen folds to his lustrous, muscular, tensed thigh released their deathly grip on you, settling instead for a comforting caress of your abdomen, drawing circles into the plush of your skin.

“You’re being mean.” 

Your sniffles spurred him on, cock dripping in pre-cum and spilling down his balls, and he found himself reaching for your armpits, twirling you around like one of those Barbies that you had hanging on your bookshelf, a keepsake of a life you’ll never have. You winced softly as you were placed back down on his lower abdomen, finding steadiness on his abs, marvelling once more, as you always found yourself doing, at his body that felt carved by Eywa herself, at his bulging muscles, at the way he was able to make your body scream and writhe in the fine line between pleasure and pain until you were a weeping mess, much like right now. 

His thumbs were gentle as they wiped the tears from your face, but there was a smugness to him, a mischievous glint haunting his beautiful irises. 

“Went a little too far now, did I, kid? D’you need to get fucked dumb on daddy’s cock now?”

You moaned in between pitiful nods, cunt desperate to be filled to the brim with him, the emptiness too overwhelming to be denied anymore. As he raised you once more, your heart fluttered, excitement coursing through your veins as he aligned his cock to your needy entrance. The tip was all you needed to feel stretched beyond belief already, and your head fell backwards, eyes shut in the desire that pushed to the side the pain when the reward was all you’ve ever wanted. 

“That’s right - fu-uck! There you go, princess. Let daddy make it up to you, huh?"

You could think about the consequences of your actions tomorrow, but right now, all you can think about is him, and the next 3 orgasms he’d coax out of you before you’d inevitably pass out of exhaustion, cock drunk and satisfied, as always. 

taglist: taglist: @pandoraslxna @sulieykte @blue-slxt @eywaeveng @neteyamsikran @elenamoncada-ibarra @spicymayyo @itsjazzsworld @daddysmurfslefttoenail @eyrina-avatar @iameatingmyhair @neteyamyawne @eyweveng @tiredwitch1113

[cybertron-smash-or-pass]

A bit of a loaded question, I know, but do you have any TF ships you prefer and would like to share?

I need you to be aware that you're opening pandora's box here. The vibes range anywhere from "god this is hot" to "god this is cute" to "their dynamic is so fucking interesting and i want to study them under laboratory conditions" to "this hurts so much and I need the drama, I am CRYING" to smashing barbie dolls together. I have crackships you ain't even THOUGHT about. I throw ships at the wall just to see if they stick. I like a lot of ships. Arguably too damn many. So many that I'm putting this under a cut to spare people from the long post. So many that I have to sort them by continuity so you're not staring at an unorganized list longer than do you love the color of the sky.

TFA

shockbee I feel has a lot of the potential for shockwave fearing what happens when bee finds out he's not longarm. Like a lot of the scenes in auto boot camp read to me like shockwave really did want bee as an ally while he climbs the ranks, and there's some juicy potential for shocker starting out as just using him until he actually catches feelings. Especially in aus where bee really did join the elite guard. Like can you imagine the drama. The heartbreak. The trust issues. Bee realizing he never really knew the guy he could trust most. Wondering if he's even safe to be around. If anything was even real. Shockwave wondering the same things. Hhhhhhhhh.

I do enjoy shockblurr conceptually but I'm not crazy about how they're usually portrayed in the fandom bc I feel like we're all forgetting that shockwave is a ball of anxiety and murder, and Blurr is a straight laced fuckin nerd who can't shut his mouth. An overpowered, highly capable nerd, but a nerd still. I like what the artist katzske does with them a lot tho.

I'm also a blitzbee enjoyer but on a less "bee can fix him and itll be so sweet" level and more "god imagine how annoying they'd be together." Looney Tunes levels of fucking with people. Either that or bumblebee is just horny on main and really likes the thought of bagging a con, but then he goes and catches feelings.

prowlbulk owns my entire heart. They're so sweet on each other and prowl really respects and appreciates bulkhead way more than bulky's used to. And bulkhead admires so much of prowl's skill and perspective. They work so well together as a couple and it's fucking adorable. With a hint of tragedy bc. Well. You know.

Bulkbee is also incredibly cute bc I'm a sucker for besties that very slowly realize they love each other so much it makes them look stupid. Good in romantic or qpr flavors. Bee already climbs all over bulkhead like a squirrel, they're so fuckin affectionate and very very stupid in social settings.

I like Optimus and blackarachnia from a drama standpoint bc God. They are tragic. They are MESSY. I genuinely think there's no happy ending for them. The trust is gone. But they still miss each other so much and they just CANT move on, so they keep stringing each other along. They're just hurting themselves and each other every time one does anything nice for the other. It's the kinda shit that just slowly rips your heart out. OP please don't text your ex. OP pLEASE

Megop is a classic but I feel we as a fandom underutilize how much Optimus pisses off Megatron. He is an asshole cat knocking shit off the counter for attention. Megs lets him be worse when he is so so fucking tired of being good. He loves that he hates him and he hates that he loves him. Full on "my esteemed rival" "dearly detested." Fighting each other is cathartic and addictive. Megatron finds it infuriating but he can't deny how much he likes having a worthy opponent, how fitting it is that the cosmos sent him so deadly a nemesis, and yet how lame it is that he was so forgettable at first so now he feels dumb being mildly obsessed with him. Optimus is just glad he has someone who doesn't expect him to be perfect and nice and upstanding. He can vent out a lot of his less noble feelings or impulses that he's had completely repressed for ages. The pressure's off in a lot of ways. And I think in an enemies to lovers sense, watching them figure out how to make that setup and that very odd mutual desire to be in each other's lives into something healthier could be really compelling. Or tragic in a "why did I let myself need you? Why the fuck did I let myself need you?" way.

Beeprowl is funny but I only really like it in a "you annoy me SO MUCH let's make out about it" way. Nothing committed, just dispelling the tension without having to kill each other. It is just kinda nice seeing them have genuinely sweet moments though. Squidbob ass relationship.

Lugnut and Strika are the perfect Decepticon power couple and I love them so much. So very much. Lugnut loves his big terrifying wife capable of leveling cities, and she loves her sweet devoted husband who could throw her across the room. I think they break chairs over each other's heads for fun and have been trying to seduce Megatron into a threesome for ages.

Shockwave and Megatron are also incredibly good. The loyalty. The "I commit my whole existence to you. I am yours, in mind body and soul. I will go wherever you need me to, I will put myself in immeasurable danger for you, just please say I'm doing a good job" and "all my efforts would be lost without you. In a world where I have been vulnerable and terrified, where I have been stabbed in the back by people I thought I could wholly trust, I can look at you and know, unwaveringly, you won't do the same. I trust you completely." It's Delicious. It's absolutely codependent but god it's tasty.

Also honestly? Bulkhead and the constructicons could make a pretty cute throuple. He wants them to be better. They want him to be worse. He just wants them to do honest work and they want him to stop letting stuffy, elitist autobot society control him so much. They love each other, they're friends (even if the constructicons don't totally remember the first night they met him). And they really do enjoy each other's company. They're just guys being dudes. Just dudes being guys. Just guys being gays. (It's also just nice when bulkhead gets to be the smaller one, scrapper totally carries him around like a big ol' cat).

I really like prowl being torn between lockdown and jazz. They're the devil and angel on his shoulders. Lockdown tempting him into relapsing, feeling himself fall into old habits, forsaking everything he's learned about patience and respect and being conscientious of the world around him. Jazz picking him back up when he slips, making him WANT to keep being better. And prowl can't decide if he wants to be loved in spite of all his toxic traits or BECAUSE of them. It's got me in a chokehold, your honor.

Megastar is fun in tfa because 1. It's implied Megatron never actually abused starscream while they were on the same side (the first thing starscream says after waking up from being shot is "YOU DARE STRIKE ME, MEGATRON?" which reads to me like this is a new development). Megs doesn't actually hurt anyone working for him other than Sumdac, who he fucking hates (at least not on-screen), and the only reason he was as aggro to starscream post-revival was because he knew screamer is the reason he spent all that fucking time as just a severed head. He used to actually trust him, sort of, even if he was a scheming, sycophantic little weasel. And 2. It's pretty obvious they have history together. I genuinely truly believe they were exes and Starscream only planted a bomb on him because he couldn't be fucking normal about the divorce. You look at how they bitch at each other in deep space and then immediately fall into what is most likely their old dynamic of getting things done and shooting the shit and tell me they never had an intense romantic stint that went horribly wrong. Starscream calls him Meggy in his internal logs for fucks sake.

Ratchet x Arcee are also very very cute together. Old married dorks. Ratchet's so soft with her and he wants her to be okay. She genuinely likes him and he makes the nightmare she's subjected herself to bearable. "Don't call me sir, I work for a living!" They're both horrifically traumatized, they understand each other on a level most bots can't, and they can ground each other when it gets bad. God. You know they're slow dancing in the kitchen together. You know they're sickeningly domestic with each other. They are holding hands in the park on a comically small bench on earth right as we SPEAK.

Oh also sumdac x megatron. It started as a crackship of mine but I really love the idea of sumdac feeling legitimately guilty for taking Megatron apart and unknowingly violating him the way he did, even if Megatron is terrible. Like the dynamic of "you lied to me" "if I told you who I really was, I would be dead. I don't owe you the truth when you held me captive. I was vulnerable. I was TERRIFIED. I did what I had to in order to keep myself safe. And you come to ME with accusations of doing you wrong? When YOU held all the power? And then when I'd taken back the power you left me without, made you feel what I felt, I'm a monster?" "I never meant to hurt you" "Well you did. And now you know just how much damage you did." Like it's such an interesting angle, ESPECIALLY when you consider that sumdac probably grew to legitimately care about Megatron while he was in his lab. He wanted to do right by him. He wanted to see him restored and thriving. He was his robot buddy that made a birthday gift for his kid once. Some part of him probably misses him after he's gone, some part of him probably feels guilty too, even through all the rage and hurt and fear and betrayal. That's complicated feelings!! That's juicy!!!!!

I like the thought of Shockwave and Optimus but that's mostly for sexy reasons. Something about a big, smooth talking, scary cryptid monster, very well spoken and elegant, seducing Good, Upstanding Autobot Optimus to The Dark Side. This is mostly because Optimus is a huge nerd and so is Shockwave. I think Shockwave could potentially pique his interest with uncensored versions of the history Optimus is already a huge dweeb about, and seal the deal with a few gentle touches and honeyed words. From Optimus's perspective this is Very Obviously a Honeypot Trap but the trouble is Shockwave is very hot and very sweet on him and starting to seem less and less evil so he's not sure how long he can keep his guard up when the temptation is this strong. He has a duty to fight Decepticons and shut out their lies but man. He's so tired. And Shockwave's berth is very warm. There is something satisfying about seeing him choose to be selfish after nearly a whole show of him taking the high road. (It's even better if he gets attached when eventually Shockwave's Cool Sexy Collected vibes falter and he sees how much of an anxious, panicky dork he actually is)

I also just kind of like the idea of team prime being a polycule (other than ratchet, who is just watching the young bots having relationship drama and rolling his optics (the age gap and mentor role make me personally a little uncomfortable but I have nothing against people who do include him, they're all adults, its chill)). I like the thought of these losers getting home after a long day and collapsing into a cuddle pile, either on the couch or on the floor. They all love each other so much already, I think they should kiss about it, but they're super repressed so it's So Very Shy and Cautious and Sweet.

The same goes for the Decepticons but more in a "cons are pretty casual about sex anyway, they're in close proximity, and they tolerate each other at least so nearly everyone has a fuck buds setup with each other" way. I feel like the autobots are super repressed in that regard so the cons started leaning into being sluts to stick it to the mech along with all the other freaks shit they're cool with. God help Blackarachnia, she goes from Autobot repression to all her coworkers being sluts on main and she Does Not Know what to do about that (also it would make a lot of sense if that's why she started leaning into the femme fatale thing so hard)

TFP

Megop is also Very Good here. Literally the most divorced robots to ever exist. Megatron NEEDS Optimus back and Optimus still holds a torch for megs, but it's so fucking funny because they're clearly on fundamentally different levels of "I miss you." Like Optimus is kinda sad and he does want the old Megatronus back, but Megatron does these whole fuckin elaborate stunts to get Optimus to pay attention to him again and then locks himself in his room with a pint of ice cream and dark energon to cry about him. Mans is NOT coping. Alternatively, Optimus is coping just as poorly on the inside and he really does still love Megatron just as much but he knows that's a selfish desire that he quiets with everything else he sacrifices about himself in the name of being a good leader. Least repressed Optimus.

Optiratch my beloved. Gay old men who would do anything for each other, even when they really don't agree on how to proceed. They're best friends, they're husbands, they're crushing on each other and they think it's unrequited, they just started dating, they've been married for eons. All of it works soooo well. They know each other well enough that they can communicate by just kinda grunting in specific ways. I need them to hold hands SO bad.

Bulkhead and wheeljack should get to kiss on the mouth I think. If Arcee can call Wheeljack Bulkhead's boyfriend, and bulkhead does not deny it, logic dictates they should in fact French kiss sloppy style for a whole minute on live TV. It can happen. Only on the hub.

KOBD are adorable together, they are so unhinged and stupid and they love each other so much. Like the team rocket of the nemesis. Breakdown loves his husband soooo much and knockout misses him so bad when Silas gets him. And you KNOW they're freaks bc knockout is totally convinced that breakdown would've loved seeing how he torments Silas in bd's body. He's probably right about it too.

I also wholly support Ms. June Darby for trying to seduce Optimus. Me too girl, get that robo ass. Go get jack a new cooler dad. It's also very cute to imagine Optimus, the bigass 30 foot robot, the stoic leader of the Autobots who keeps stonefaced through just about anything, flustered and crushing on a very small and very flirty human.

For some reason the show was kind of trying to tease Bulkhead x Arcee for exactly one episode and then never again and like. Look. I understand it was a forced het ship that was there to distract people from how gay they accidentally made the show. I know it'd probably just be Arcee rebounding after losing Cliffjumper. But I think them having a fwb type relationship while she works through her feelings could be interesting. Though this could just be because Bulkhead is big sweet and comforting and him holding anyone and making them feel safe while they're Going Through it is enough to get me saying God I Wish That Were Me.

Bumblebee and Smokescreen appeal to me in the same way seemingly very hetero frat bros who are apparently a very sweet and affectionate gay couple do. It's an inherently funny irony and also theyre just both cute himbos.

TFP Megastar is horrifically unhealthy in general and there is absolutely no way in hell it could work out. Not pre-war, not post-megs-redemption, nada. Which is why it has my brain in a chokehold. This is one of the ships I like because it's fascinating and because god it HURTS. Like I have my gripes with how the show portrayed the abuse overall but there were some things they were cooking with. Starscream being an obvious victim but then turning around and inflicting it on everyone around him? Girl no, the cycle of violence and abuse!!!! Girl no, you're refusing to do the complex emotional work of accepting that what happened to you wasnt okay and thus you carry out the behaviors you've gaslit yourself into thinking are normal!!!!!! Girl no, society has failed you and you have no support systems to help you break the cycles, but you also simply refuse to try in the first place because your pride wouldn't allow it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The cortical psychic patch was literally my fave showcase of their dynamic in the whole show. "I don't want to play this game anymore!" Like jfc ouch. Also the thought of post redemption Megatron lamenting how he treated Starscream, not having considered the damage he's done to him before now. Trying to make it right and only making it all worse by inserting himself into Starscream's life again and realizing how badly he's broken him, how fucked it is that Starscream seems to revere him after EVERYTHING. God. GOD. I'm in agony.

Rescue Bots

Speaking of starscream in the cycle of abuse, KOSS has postcanon potential. (Post Predacons Rising, rid does not exist 😌) Like. They've proven they feel some type of way about each other. "I've always admired your lustrous finish." "😏" But Knockout was the first person in starscream's life to set a boundary in a healthy way. And when starscream inevitably ignores those boundaries and knockout leaves, you know how much it fucking hurts starscream to realize how badly he fucked up. But of course, the pride. He can't apologize. Can't admit he's the reason knockout betrayed him. So he'll choke back the tears. He'll try to, anyway. But he can't stop the agony in his voice while he feebly spits out "Fine! I hope Unicron eats you too!!" You know the second they shut the door on him, the waterworks started, and so did the closest thing to self reflection Starscream's ever done. He Has the Potential to be Better with Knockout, but he NEEDS to put in the work, and the suspense of wondering if he WILL fucks my whole shit up.

It is so close to canon that blades and bumblebee are boyfriends. Hell I believe it pretty much IS canon. He loves that bug so much. He gets jealous when he hangs out with Dani and not him. He hugs him for a photo the first chance he gets. And since we know blades is confirmed as being into dudes, I think we all know what they were getting at. TFP bumblebee has an anxious twink boyfriend that lives in Maine and we have no idea whatsoever if the rest of team prime knows.

Graham and boulder pine for each other like you would not believe. Once again, pretty much canon. You can't just have boulder keep telling Graham "well I like you just how you are" when Graham's trying to impress a girl and expect me to not think he has a big stupid gay crush on his best friend. They love each other so much as partners and as friends, I know damn well they'd be SICKENINGLY cute together as boyfriends. They'd probably try to stealth it at first bc a human and a giant robot alien in love? What'll the others think?? Gotta keep it secret. Sneaking off into the woods so Boulder can work on his "art projects" but in fact they are kissing. They're not as slick as they think they are, Chief Burns 100% picks up what's going on but he lets them think they're sneaky. Nobody actually has any problems with it other than Kade making fun of them a little but don't worry that's just him projecting.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, Heatwave and Kade are the worst fucking tsunderes about crushing on each other. Between heatwave refusing to let down the brooding tough guy persona and kade being so insistent on staying hyper masculine (to the point where mild internalized homophobia is inevitable), neither of them can just be honest about how much they mean to each other and they gotta resort to getting each other's attention by being mean in very low stakes ways. I am drowning, there is no sign of land, you are coming down with me, hand in unloveable hand, except they're not drowning and they're just dunking each other in a kiddie pool repeatedly.

Heatwave and quickshadow are fun for similar reasons but with less shit lord pranks and/or lowbrow bitching, and more classy verbal sniping and sparring with each other because heatwave thinks it's hot when quickshadow kicks his ass. They're insufferably competitive and I think that could be very fun and incredibly messy, especially since they both need to learn how to communicate. Very bisexual, they are forced to share the brain cell, 10/10

I also just enjoy the idea of all the bots being in a polycule the same way I like the idea for TFA's team prime. They're very sweet together and they clearly care about each other a lot. Its just kind of nice when they all hold hands together, you feel me? They're sneaking off to kiss in the bunker bc they don't know if the humans know dudes can like other dudes. They are also not as subtle as they think they are.

Oh also doc Greene and chief burns dated once when they were teenagers and it didn't work out but they stayed besties, nobody can change my mind on this.

Beast Wars

Dinobot and Megatron are exes, 100%. Dinobot is probably the only being in the known universe that Megatron actually kind of cares about other than himself and his rubber duck. Otherwise he wouldn't keep trying to fucking clone him to make a version that will never leave him. There's also some implications here and there that Megatron really did want the world to be better for Predacons (along with the desire for power, anyway) and that preds are genuinely treated unfairly, so there's a pretty compelling angle of dinobot having been drawn to megatron because he saw someone with noble goals and a way to fix their fucked up world before becoming disillusioned with the dishonorable tyrant he turned out to be.

Dinobot and Optimus are also very good together bc it really truly feels like Dinobot finally found the guy with honor he thought he saw in Megatron. And he's infuriating half the time because he isn't nearly as bloodthirsty as he's used to, but GODDAMN does he make him Feel Things. The entire episode Gorilla Warfare has me obsessed with them. The bitching. Dinobot freaking the fuck out and Optimus tenderly removing the seed pod stuck to the back of his neck that was freaking him out and only laughing at him a little. Dinobot constantly trying to choose violence. The stupid smile when Optimus also chooses violence and Dinobot realizes he fucked up. THE BEDSIDE VIGIL. "It was my shift" AND YOU KNOW THEY WEREN'T TAKING SHIFTS. THE FLOWER ON THE BEDSIDE TABLE. "it is good to have you back." "Back home or back to normal?" "...both." THEY'RE HOMOSEXUAL, YOUR HONOR.

Dinobot (shit maybe I just really like dinobot) with Rattrap is good for similar reasons but the vibes are totally different. DoOp is all soft and sweet and patient and light ribbing, Dinotrap is talking shit at each other as a love language. Dinobot is a good guy but he's also, fundamentally, a bitch. Rattrap has proven he can match his freak by bitching right back. They love each other by pretending to hate each other. To the point where if Rattrap doesn't hear any comebacks he genuinely starts worrying because "oh, we aren't playing the game, why aren't you playing, are you okay?" They have so many soft tender moments where they prove they actually love each other. Their last conversation is talking shit!!!! "You're just a slag spouting saurian, but it's nice to know where you stand." "Upwind of you for preference, rodent." They loved each other!!!!!! Rattrap is fucked up over losing him!!!!!!!!!!! It's bittersweet, it's tragic, it hurts so bad and I love them so much!!!! They're stupid your honor!!!!!!!!!!!!

On a much sillier side, I do love Rattrap x Rhinox. Rattrap kissed that man twice. On the mouth. On screen. Annoying little gremlin who goes "nyehhhh" x big stoic dude who goes "hn." And they're both tech guys so they probably work on projects together a lot. And they all survive and are fine bc beast machines isnt real 💖

I have my problems with Silverbolt in general but I cannot deny that he and Blackarachnia are pretty damn cute together. He loves his girlfriend, they trash her shitty ex together, she loves that he doesn't try to change her. She gets to be the bad girl and the sweet knight in shining armor still loves her. "Dark poison of my heart" like c'mon.

Airazor and Tigatron are also pretty cute AND they have the honor of being the first canon gay couple in the tf franchise bc of the Japanese dub, which made Airazor a dude but left the romance unchanged (the Japanese dub was also just generally fuckin insane tho so it's not all that shocking).

Waspinator and Terrorsaur are boyfriends for real and for canon, John hasbro told me himself.

RiD 2001

I ship skybyte with that one girl that lives in a state of constant talking-car-based torment. Why? Because when I watched rid with my roommate we had a running joke that eventually they'd meet and have a whole robotfucker romcom arc and it kinda just stuck. This is my only rid ship and I will not be taking criticism on it.

Cyberverse

Bumblebee, Hot Rod and Cheetor are in a polycule together and nobody can tell me they aren't. Just how it's gotta be.

I want Perceptor and Dead End to kiss so badly. They're technically canon already given how hard the creators ship them. They hold hands your honor. "only a bolthead would go out there... UGH I'm such a BOLTHEAD" HES IN LOVE YOUR HONOR.

Hot Rod and Soundwave are great as enemies to lovers, they're so annoying 💖. I feel like they'd start playing gay chicken and be married with three kids wondering when the other guy is gonna back out.

SHOCKWAVE AND WHEELJACK OH MY GOD. fellas is it gay to program your drones which are just tiny versions of your own altmode to dance funny to Tetris music specifically because it makes your lame ass boyfriend laugh and then keep that function eons after you break up and still remember exactly what the command is? Fellas is it gay to get kidnapped by your ex and then get really excited about all the cool shit he's been making while you were separated? I wish they could've gotten a happy ending man, they could've been so cute together.

I don't ship it romantically but I believe in Grimlock & Arcee qpr. They love each other so so much they would've readily died for each other. I love their dynamic, they're insane 💖

Same goes for Shadowstriker and Soundwave tbh. Decepticon besties, and Shadowstriker being aro kinda just feels right. I like to think they cuddle and talk shit about Shockwave while Sounders blasts heavy metal. They play cod as the most insufferable duo.

Megop in cyberverse is so good because it really feels like they Had a relationship but it was unstable and moved too fast and they just assumed they were on the same page about things without communicating properly until suddenly they were in serious disagreement, and TRIED to work it out in a mature way but they were simply Doomed From the Start. And then it culminates in a whole fucking war but it rages so long, and they are so tired of fighting, and they realize they want to try again because nobody was really to blame for how things ended because they both handled it poorly. I wish they got that chance to try again properly. I wish when Optimus retired to just fuck around and vibe, he could've taken Megatron with him. I wish they could've fallen in love all over again.

Oh also Slipstream and Windblade being lesbian enemies to lovers bait was Fucking Phenomenal and I Love it So Much. They're smug and terrible and I want them to make out. They can make each other worse 💖

G1

I have not seen that much of g1 but I do know a few things are absolute truth.

Soundwave is gay for Megatron. This is arguably reciprocated.

Shockwave is gay for Megatron. This is not reciprocated but it is taken advantage of.

Starscream vacillates between gay for Megatron and trying to kill him. Megatron seems to reciprocate but only a little bit. Enough to keep him alive because he's cute. But megs also gets a lot of cuteness aggression so he feels the need to chuck starscream against the wall every now and then.

Powerglide and Astoria are tied for the pinnacle of robot on human romance in the entire tf franchise with Tracks and Raul, and if none of them come back in ANY tf media, I will riot.

Cliffjumper and Mirage have fucked at least once.

Wheeljack and Ratchet are gay married.

Optimus is bisexual and he loves elita-1 but there is something distinctly homoerotic going on with Megatron.

Conclusion

I like when the robots kiss <3

[rosyjn]

"are you sure you want this? if i start, i might not be able to stop..." jake sully x reader SMUT

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

Jake kisses down your neck, while you hold his hair and lean back into the grass. You look up into the sky, watching Pandora's moon and the stars surrounding it.

"Mmm, hold on-" he pulls away from your neck and traces over the hickeys he left. You smile and take your hands off of his head, your pupils dilating. "I'm gonna grab something, angel," he gets up off of you and walks towards his tent. You fondle with your top as he shuffles around in there.

When he comes back out, he has a couple weaved pillows and a blanket. You laugh. You take off your crocheted top as he walks towards you, leaving it nearby. Jake gets on the ground and props your head up on a pillow.

"You shouldn't have," your palm comes to your face and you giggle while he sets your head gently on them. He reaches over and kisses your breast, you exhale.

"My pretty girl, didn't want you to hurt your neck," he climbs on top of you and holds your boobs.

"Säpom oe," you tell him. He smiles.

"Where?" he asks. You exaggerate on purpose, puckering your lips and closing your eyes. He leans forward and kisses your lips, plopping his weight down onto you. You kiss back and hold his shoulders.

"Jake, you know what we should do now?" you pull away from the kiss and push his head away, so you can look in his eyes easier. He smirks and sits back.

"Are you sure? If I start, I might not be able to stop..." he plays with the strings of your loincloth and tilts his head.

"I wouldn't want you to," your hands meet his fingers at your loincloth and you push it off of yourself before he can. His face lights up and he spreads your legs with his hands.

"Goddamn," he leans into your pussy and traces your slit with his finger, admiring your arousal.

"Ma Jakeeee..." you whine.

"Hold on," he unties his own loincloth and rubs his erection.

"Za'u," you put your arms out.

"Coming," he chuckles.

He positions himself in between your legs and kisses your cheek.

"Ready?' he asks.

"Yes, Jake," you roll your eyes.

"Don't get annoyed, or else you're not getting any," he pulls away from your cheek and looks into your eyes.

"No, I'm not annoyed, honey. I'm excited. Just get in here and fuck me," you wrap your legs around his hips.

"You're so eager, hmm? You want it so bad?" he teases.

"Please, rutxe," you beg.

"Okay, you're being good." he kisses your forehead and slowly ruts into you.

Your back arches. You whine. He stretches you out so perfectly. Just the right amount of pain at first, and then overwhelming pleasure. You throw your head back onto the pillows Jake had put for you.

"See why I brought those, huh?" he grunts and smirks. You whimper with every thrust. "Good girl," he kisses you on the mouth, you don't kiss back.

"Mmm-' your moans are muffled by his lips on yours. Your folded ears perk up at the sound of your pussy squelching.

"Kiss me back," he slows down his thrusts. You're so fucked dumb.

You breathe heavily and move your lips with his, grabbing his shoulders. You mewl and your body flutters under him.

"Good. Mmm, you're close, aren't you?" he whispers against your mouth. You squirm.

You can't do anything but whimper in response, your cunt clenching and your grip on his shoulders getting tighter. He groans.

Jake's rutting gets more erratic and desperate. He chases his orgasm and grunts like an animal.

"Oh god, you're so tight, feels so good," he whimpers and tucks his face into your neck.

He moans and grabs your hips as he spills his load into you, your pussy contracting and throbbing around him. Your eyes clench shut and your toes curl as you finish. Jake peppers breathless kisses all over your neck and face when he pulls out.

He falls to your side and you curl up in his arms. His hand tickles your back, down to your ass, where he rubs gently. His other hand is intertwined with yours. The two of you lay like that, panting in each others embrace, until you fall asleep.

[kneelingshadowsalome]

I promised, promised myself that I wouldn’t read the Roman König x Fee fic until it was completed because I knew i would get absolutely drawn in, wrapped up in your exquisite prose, then get addicted and suffer from withdrawals. Unneeded to say I broke said promise and welp here I am 🤡

Thing that surprised me was how quickly he endeared himself to me? A cock swinging village massacring brute that I was FULLY prepared to hate had me sighing by then end of chapter 3 with the “you care about my head?” ✋😩 YES I worry for your stupid head you adorable monster.

It’s uncanny how similarly Fee and I felt as the plot progressed. I know this is a self insert and though I made an OC for fee, you were able to capture the feeling of hate to curiousity to distrust to budding emotions on the readers side so beautifully and in only three chapters?? What sorcery is this?? I could go on and on about how I’m just… in awe of your writing skills.

It’s the small things too. The effort he went through to understand Fee, learning her language like he desperately wants to be a part of her. It’s just his delight in the simple things like having a woman and buying her pretty things. I AM GOING TO GNAW OFF MY ARM THIS IS SO GOOD!! I don’t know if you’ve watched HBOs Rome, but they remind me of Pullo and Eirene so much! Like you can’t tell me König doesn’t fit that goofy brawdy soldier who’s only hobbies are drinking and fucking and fighting to a T!

Then it got me thinking…. If König is Pullo then Simon is Vorenus. He has that straight laced, no bs aura about him. Now I’m imagining them both in this universe and please excuse me while I melt in a puddle 🫠

This is perhaps the best piece of fiction I’ve read in a while. I can’t wait for part 4, I have no doubt it will be wonderful as usual. Please accept my maladaptive daydream interpretation of Fee (first she was supposed to be a wood nymph, then the earth goddess then a fairy queen?? I’m not sure anymore. There was so much great imagery couldn’t settle on one. Your honor, we lost the plot.)

Oh my goodness OH MY GOODNESS ❤️❤️❤️

You shower me with praise and I’m over here like aaahh... for me? 🥺❤️

And yes I’ve watched Rome like four times at least! Every time I watch it just gets better, the producers and crew really outdid themselves with all the details in that series. I consider it one of the best TV shows ever made and excuse me but you opened a Pandora’s box here, I'm just so pleased you brought this up...

It took so much time for Pullo to grow on me, I was so frustrated with his character but when he killed Eirene’s man because he was so in love with her and was just like: “Oh there's something in the way of our love? Oh well. *there*, solved.” Gosh I was IN LOVE. I’m sorry, I’m a horrible person, but I fell in love with Pullo right that second. And yeah König is kinda like Pullo in that sense! Eirene wails at the corpse of her ex-lover and Pullo is just like “Um, yeah nasty business but… why are you crying? Oh, oh yeah, oops. But hey, we could be together? Oh, you don’t want me? Damn. How come?” I wanted to shake and kiss him for being so dumb and adorable.

And Ghost is Vorenus YES, you get it 100 %! And the tragic love story of Vorenus & Niobe, oh god, took me about a month to get over it. And Vorenus being under the protection of Mars first and then literally becoming Pluto, the Lord of the Underworld… The mythology nerd in me is swooning over here. The only thing about Vorenus that's slightly König coded to me was when Pullo had to explain to him what a clitoris is, and Vorenus is like “How do you know this about my wife?!?!” and almost kills him :D That’s so so Roman!König.

But AHHH let me squeal about your maladaptive daydream adaption next: she’s the most gorgeous Fee ever, so lovely and feminine and yet, strong and possessing that earthly power in her. I love the color of her dress too!! There’s a lot of earth & water elements linked to Fee so that color (green to turquoise?) is the most perfect combination of earth and sea, while König is more like fire & air, coming from the mountains and slow to anger but when the fire rises, no one is safe...

This was so lovely, thank you so much! I hope you enjoy the rest of the story 🩷💋

[mxngldmxdnsss]

The Hunt - series

Chap 3. I Caught Myself - Recom Miles Quaritch

this song is so fitting goodness gracious I’m a fucking genius - paramore will make a huge appearance in this series also TIME SKIP!! bc I’m bad at writing day by day stuff 🙂

pairing - recom miles quaritch x omayikaya!fem! reader

cw! violence, sexual stuff but not too much to be the entire story lmao and miles being American

mature content ahead : proceed with caution!

This was so wrong you thought to yourself. It’d been at least a month since your capture and things hadn’t gotten any easier. So far you weren’t even allowed a room with a window because of a previous attempt to escape that only lasted a couple of seconds before being cuffed by the Colonel. His big hands wrapped your wrists as he dragged you back to your room.

His hands, you found yourself drifting back to the thought of them. They were huge, warm, and strong. His fingers thick to match them. And god, his arms, as if his hands weren’t more than enough. And his shoulders, so broad, adding more to his powerful demeanor. It felt so good that it was wrong. Wrong to squirm in your bottoms when he scolded you. Wrong to press your thighs together at night with the thought of him invading your sleep.

You’d be a disappointment to your clan, you knew this. But you just couldn’t help the way Miles knew which strings to pluck, all with a smirk on his face. It pissed you off, and turned you on at the same time. You began to crave seeing him everyday. Seeing his signature stupid smirk, and hearing his dumb, deep chuckle. It was pitiful almost, getting off on this man.

You needed a way to rid your mind of these thoughts, so when there was a suggestion from Spider for the crew to get to know some of the creatures of the forest, you were more than eager to tag along. But it was as if the Great Mother was playing tricks on you. Finding yourself partnered with Miles for this adventure. Each group was given things to protect themselves with, and a task. As childish as it sounded to them, they needed to bring back three items native to the forest, and describe at least one animal and what it looked like.

Begrudgingly, you began making your way deeper into the forest, Miles struggling to catch up. ��You gon’ leave me out here all alone?” He asked. You huffed to yourself and shot Miles a glare. “You are too slow. With that pace you’d be dead within an an hour if a Thanator caught your scent.” Miles chuckled behind you, the sound bringing warmth to your face. “Oh, and would you mind filling me in on these, Thanators?”

You smirked to yourself and stopped dead in your tracks, taking your place on a branch. Miles stopped in front of you, taking a step back to allow you room to speak.

“Thanators is what your people call them, but to the Na’vi they’re known as Palulukan, the dry mouth bringer of fear. They are apex predators. More dangerous than any of your animals on Earth. Many other predators in these forests fear them, even we. An encounter with one of them is almost certain death.” You lowered your voice, watching as Miles’ eyebrows rose, and his ears twitched to every sound of the forest. It was almost laughable until you heard the low growl of a creature on the forest floor.

You were thankful you two had chosen to explore the forest from above. Whatever was down there, you certainly didn’t want it finding you. You chuckled nervously and hopped to your feet. “Well we’d better get going, you never know.” Sensing Miles uncertainty, you brought your hand up and patted his back, flashing him a smile before pulling your hand away.

You’d never been extremely scared of the forest, after all it was once your home, but the thought of all of the deadly creatures against just you and an idiot unfit for surviving Pandora made you worry. You took in a deep breath, continuing your journey deeper into the forest. Along the way, Miles picked some fruit, and nearly puked when he swallowed a mouthful of seeds. Which had you laughing until he spat a seed at you.

You spent the rest of the day explaining the forest, and eventually you and Miles spotted a Hexapede and decided that it would be your animal of the day. Making your way back, Miles explained some things you were confused about. You found it strange that these people needed so much technology, at home things were easier, faster without it. You preferred the traditional ways rather than the ‘modern’ ones.

Eventually you both made it back, finding that the last of the crew was filing in as well. You watched as Miles explained what you two found and saw, and felt some bit of pride for being tasked with being his teacher. On the ikran ride back, you looked down on the wonders of your home, wishing that you could somehow, get away and go back. But there was something pulling you to the sky people. Something that made you yearn to stay with them.

The thought stayed in your mind even as you sat down in your dinner. It confused you, these people had captured you, hurt you. Yet you found some happiness within it all. You guessed it was the Colonel, and for that you hated yourself. How could you betray your people like this. Enjoying your home with these monsters, demons. Even teaching them your language. It infuriated you.

How could these people, no, this man have such a hold on you. Your heart. You wondered if he even thought of you as something other than a guide and teacher. After they had no use for you anymore, they’d discard you. You meant nothing to them.

Balling your fists up, you got rid of the thought. You could not allow hatred to cloud your judgment. You needed Miles to see you. And you somehow needed to see him. If you could find a way to bond with Miles, build a friendship, you’d be able to find your way out of here and maybe buy your people freedom from the sky people’s wrath.

In the moment you cursed Jake Sully. Why did he have to bring this war to your people? Why did he continue to attack, continue to fuel their hatred for the Na’vi. They had already gotten what they wanted, the minerals beneath your home. And still they persisted, and now they were after Jake Sully once more. For their needs you were captured. Because of Jake Sully, Toruk Makto, your former clan leader.

You pushed your food away, no longer hungry for the food they gave you. You just wanted to go home. If you could go home you’d wish for nothing more for the rest of your life.

Sighing, you rose from your seat and made your way to your cot. The material foreign against your fingers. It was strange, all of it, these people had materials, everything and yet they craved more. Hurting Eywa to get it. You grimaced at the thought, the Great Mother, Eywa. You could not give up, you had to fight for her.

You bit your lip as you laid down, feeling the cushion dip with your weight. You lay there, thinking of the recom crew. Thinking of Miles.

In order to fight for Eywa, to help your people, you needed Miles. Whether you liked it or not, you would need to cozy up with him for the long ride. How you were going to do so, was a question within itself. You could try your best to befriend him, although his squad seemed to have a stronger friendship with him than you’d be able to achieve within a short amount of time.

You could try encouraging him to change, to see the other side of things, but he was stubborn. You could manipulate him, though you weren’t sure how that would work with your skills. Or you could try a different, more intimate approach. Something that couldn’t fail once a certain step was complete.

You could mate with him.

The thought made you shiver with a certain delight. It was almost too good to be true once you thought of it. However there was one flaw. Once you mated with Miles, there would be no going back. He would be your mate for life, and you could not change that. But the more you thought about it, the more you worried. Certainly your people would be understanding to know that you sacrificed your freedom and self to save them. But you weren’t certain that you would be accepting of it. Sure the fantasy of mating with Miles was something in itself but, in reality, it would be much harder than just becoming friends with him.

First you would need to get close to Miles, next you would need to establish a relationship with him, then you’d need to mate with him in the presence of Eywa to seal the deal. But after all of that you would have to convince him to stopping the operation. And that you knew would be a bitch. You sighed at this and rolled into your back. Just how in the world would you get close to Miles? And enough to get him to fall for you.

You closed your eyes, exhausted with the plan in your head. As sleep overtook you, you were unaware to the fact that along with this operation, Miles was tasked with the same thing. Miles winced at this thought, you were like a stone wall, just how would he make you his lifelong partner, and get you to betray your clan.

Chap 4. Thinkin Bout You

[lina-lovebug]

Bleeding Hearts

Part 12

Taglist: @silverhowe @happycupcakeenthusiast @vampire-hunter @simpforavillain @dumb-fawkin-bitch @mushroomlover13 @kimqueenofhell @vane28282 @namor-is-the-way @daaiissyyyyy @anyzandy @pturnersblog @cherrychupachup @blossom618 @bxnnywriting

Miles p.o.v.

Silas.

 

She fucking said Silas.

 

She said our son's name.

 

Just before Nina Rodriguez had died, we had discussed baby names for the kids we wanted to have. Before she was admitted, she loved spending her days taking hikes or sitting in a field of flowers. 

 

She wanted to name our son Silas Miles Quaritch.

 

As I sat in my dark room, I did not make a single sound. My tail did not move, and it felt like the air in the room was being drained out slowly. My hands gripped the bed's edge, and my arms felt like they were going to fall off my shoulders.

 

And a tear hit the floor.

 

“What the fuck? What the fuck?” I said to myself. In all my years, in my past and in this life, I did not know what to do or how to feel. What the fuck was I supposed to do? Tell a Na’vi I’ve never met that I loved her past life? Run away and just live on Pandora as one of the people I’ve tried so hard to kill?

 

It was driving me insane.

 

I don’t know this woman. Yet she shares the DNA and attributes of the girl I swore to love for the rest of my life. The girl I loved so much that I made a vow on her fucking grave to never marry anyone else.

 

A girl who would hate who I had become.

 

“They’re saying Pandora could be humanity’s new home,” I told her, but she frowned.

 

“People live there.”

 

“So?”

 

“So? It’s not ours to take. It’s our fault for killing Earth, so we can’t take someone elses home.”

 

I have a mission: kill Jake Sully, kill the Na’vi, and make Pandora the new home for humanity. I knew it was my mission, even before I died, and yet she was here. Her fucking ghost or something was here, being reborn as the people I am sworn to kill.

 

If this is a higher powers way of saying “fuck you”, then it’s working.

 

I want to forget.

 

Forgetting her - forgetting that she’s here would be so much easier than having my heart torn between a mission and a stupid woman that doesn’t even like me.

 

"I do not care what happens to me, but I will kill you. I will not stop until your blood is on my hands.”

She swore that to me. With the rage of a thousand suns, and the hatred of her people, she swore that to me. It was like Nina herself was swearing that to me after seeing everything my past self and my current self has done.

 

Past her eyes was a woman who grew up on Pandora, raised alongside Jake Sullys’ batshit crazy wife, and one of the greatest warriors I have seen.

 

And she would rather die than be with me.

 

“Unless. . .” I muttered.

 

Unless this was a second chance. In my past life, I had drowned myself in my journey to Pandora and claiming it for humanity. I had died because of it. Who's to say that just because I have this body now that things will go differently?

 

Because things will end up the same, but this time with Ninat’ia killiong me.

 

Unless I change things.

 

Unless I learn.

 

“God, whoever is out there, you’re one sick son of a bitch.”

[howlingday]

Well, since you've done DBZA, you've opened a Pandora Box of ideas, but for your sanity, I'll only choose a few:

-Tien Kikoho against Cell or any scene that involves two. Cell could be Cinder while Tien could be Winter.

-Cell's Perfect Song with Cinder singing it.

-Nappa 'Are we there yet' with Sun being Nappa and Blake Vegeta or the return of Ghost Nappa with Ghost Vegeta.

-Goku and Vegeta talking about the Spirit Bomb against Buu or Vegeta insulting Goku for not grabbing Gohan when Buu exploded the Earth. Ruby and Cinder could be those two respectively.

-SSJ2 Gohan's red flag. Yang could be Gohan and Goku could be Raven in this case

You dare challenge me with DBZA? Foolish... You've yet to witness my true power, and you still beg for annihilation. Very well... WITNESS OBLARITY! ...You know, like oblivion and hilarity and- Oh, forget it! Here's RWBY as Dragon Ball Z Abridged.

-------------------------------------

Winter: NOT YET!

Cinder: Hm? Oh my god, it's Winter! What, was Jaune busy?

Winter: GRR!

Cinder: Come on, sweetheart. You can't be serious. With your power scaling? You're barely a maiden! You're not a wizard! And you're certainly no Silver Eyed Warrior!

Winter: Yeah? Well, you know what?!

Winter: FUCK POWER SCALING!

Winter: FUCK SILVER EYED WARRIORS!

Winter: AND FUCK! YOU!

Winter: WEIßER WINTERTOD!

Cinder: Aw~! How cute~! She named-

Cinder: OH SHIT!

=========================

Cinder: (Tosses away eyepatch, Flexes every Maiden power)

Cinder: M is for Momentous; this time you will rue~! Cinder: A is for Annihilation of all the hope you've held to~! Cinder: I is for Immolation, which all will come to know~! Cinder: D is for how DICKED you'll get, now allow me to really show~! Cinder: E is for Eccentric; just listen to my song~! Cinder: N is for No other maidens, which I've wanted for so long~! Cinder: Me is for who I fight for, in case you couldn't tell...

Cinder: I'm the one true Maiden, Cinder, and I'd like to welcome you... TO HELL.

=========================

Sun: Are we there yet?

Blake: No.

Sun: Are we there yet?

Blake: No!

Sun: Are we there yet?

Blake: NO!

Sun: Are we there yet?

Blake: Yes.

=========================

Salem: (Ghost) 'EY~!

Ashe: Wait... Auntie Salem? What are you doing here?

Salem: So, funny story, it turns out liquor and porno don't mix well after taking viagra! But it's my fault. Should've stuck with playing one hand pocket pool.

Ashe: I don't get it.

Salem: Ask your Mom when you get the chance.

Ashe: But she's dead!

Cinder: (Ghost) The fuck am I doing here?

Salem: (Gasps)

Cinder: Oh no...

Salem: CIIIIIIIIIIIINDEEEEEEEEEE

=========================

Mad Witch Neo: ...

Ruby: Uh, so she's still stronger than the both of us, right?

Mad Witch Neo: (Howling, Beating her chest)

Cinder: ...And almost as dumb.

Ruby: Got any ideas?

Cinder: Well, the older version of Ashe is still stronger, so where is she?

Ruby: She's... back in Remnant. So, you know... Dead.

Cinder: Wha-?! THEN WHO DID YOU GRAB?!

Ghira: Hey.

Ilia: Hey.

Cinder: ARE YOU KIDDING ME, ROSE?!

Ruby: I had to grab Ilia! Come on, she's the guardian of the relics now!

Cinder: The little god, I get, but why that fat-headed coward?!

Ghira: I can hear you, you know!

Cinder: Good! I want you to!

Ruby: Look, I panicked, so I grabbed the relics, okay?

Ilia: Oh! So that's all I am to you, am I?

Mad Witch Neo: (High-pitched howling, Runaway train engine piston motion)

Cinder: Great, so we have the relics, so now we just have to live long enough to use them.

Ruby: Oh, come on! I'm sure we'll be just fi- (Strangled by Neo, Thrown around)

Ghira: ...I see you for more than what you carry.

Ilia: Your daughter is a two-timing slut!

Ghira: Just like her mother...

=========================

Raven: Uh... You make a very good point-

Yang: Then shut up and put on your poncho.

Yang: YOU'RE IN THE SPLASH ZONE.

Raven: ...Is that also a red flag?

Qrow: CRIMSON.

[lovelybruises-backup]

Spicy Thoughts🌶️💭:

Okay.. so I am shy to be open about any or all ideas regarding smut but like Imma just go ahead and throw this out there— so I just got this (possible) weird ass idea. Please don’t judge..

….

What if…

Fem human oc or reader (aged up of course) was like in the middle of being completely fucked dumb by male Na’vi (could be anyone that you think fits) and he takes notice of her rosary that she tends to wear a lot ever since she came to pandora. Anyway so he takes notice of the rosary and smirks teasingly with a mischievous gleam in his eyes while he’s pounding into her relentlessly, so he grabs her by the rosary but being careful not to snap it in half and he whispers into her ear…

“Who’s your god now?”

….

Yes I know.. it may be weird but like I just thought it was really hot because my brain is weird like that… sooo yeah. Also I am not an expert on writing smut, please bear with me 🫣😅. I am a very kinky person.. been doing a lot of research on kinks lately.. so don’t judge me please

So the big question remains… what do y’all think? ~ Snow

[knockoff-conlon]

modern dorlene hcs!!

Marlene:

loud. always. she said it kept her brain at bay. she liked to yell and shout and draw attention to herself.

blonde hair that gets fucking everywhere. everywhere at all times. catches on things, too, like dorcas' rings.

really bright brown eyes.

fastest runner in her elementary school and high school. VERY fast.

tall. 6'2

smart but she doesn't apply herself as a way of rebellion against her family.

neglectful, abusive family that she runs away from when she's fifteen.

her phone background is actually a picture of her and remus, not her and dorcas

closest with remus out of anyone. lived with him when she ran away. they were extremely codependent and didn't have an boundaries. james and dorcas accepted that they were a package deal

90s grungey style. a lot of flannel, ripped clothing, leather, patches.

violent. it was an unfortunate habit from her family. she would get very angry very fast and it transferred to violence, though she tried to never hit her friends and she NEVER hit dorcas.

had a running bet with remus over who would get their braces off first when they were thirteen. (she lost but says she won)

lots of tattoos. one of those people who didn't really have meaning for said tattoos. she just likes the look.

tons of piercings- about eight or nine in each ear, eyebrow, tongue, septum, nose.

musical lover. hope lupin introduced her to all her favorite musicals.

has dorcas saved in her phone as 'side-ho #1'. dorcas knows and loves it.

swears a lot. the marauders, valkyries + dorcas made a swear jar to stop her swearing so much.

jewish convert, conservative jew.

got with dorcas when she was eighteen. once they did get together, they were very close and very in love.

touchy with remus and dorcas. not with anyone else.

designer fr tho. she makes her own clothes and makes her friends' clothes, too.

smokes + she has a lighter with a dumb design on it from remus.

steals remus' clothes 24/7.

looms over people menacingly.

very severe adhd. has a habit of being distracting as shit, forgetting to eat, a hatred for certain sounds and feelings, and hates overhead lighting.

candles. all the candles.

knows how to shoot a gun and often does go to a shooting range.

part spanish and french, speaks both languages.

dyslexic.

will eat anything someone puts in front of her. from nachos to fajitas to escargot- she'll eat it all.

really strong. can lift about 450

trust issues.

hockey player.

multiple concussions.

partially deaf due to repeated head trauma from said concussions and abuse from her parents.

Dorcas

she's tiny, literally 5'0 on the dot and so she makes evan and marlene get her things on tall shelves.

gets really anxious sometimes and bites her nails because of it. pandora does complicated nail art on her nails so she feels bad biting them.

flexible as shit.

very feminine, which makes people assume she's straight.

makes her own jewelry and creates a small business of it at her high school. she makes a small fortune off her earrings.

big on romance movies, cries at them. loves horror movies, too, doesn't flinch.

resting bitch face, 100%

lives in a trailer with her dad. mom ran away when she was, like, two months old.

can play bass.

eyes so dark they're almost black.

has a tattoo on her wrist for her dad. it says 'i love you' but in his handwriting.

marlene left her hockey jersey at dorcas' place one day and now dorcas wears it to sleep.

loves to take pictures, has a lot of really embarrassing, weird photos of her friends, family, and marlene.

really good at baking, can back anything. god awful at cooking.

plant mom

fairy lights everywhere in her room.

at one point sold weed to help with the money at her place. now she does it for some extra money.

HUGE activist. got into a lot of trouble at school for it but then barty would be louder and more violent about her getting in trouble and cause a riot.

cold, all the time, no matter what.

big reader, bonded with regulus, lily, and remus over it.

atheist number one but will go to shul with marlene if she asks, specifically the high holidays.

farmer's markets, vintage festivals, and art stores are where she spends all of her money.

loves to paint but there's not enough room in her trailer so she paints outside while her dad reads beside her.

pineapple pizza is one of her favorite foods.

barty, evan, and dorcas hang out together and dye their hair with each other. regulus and pandora do not participate and hang out together elsewhere.

is super, super close with her dad and she tells him everything.

steals barty's clothing because she likes his style and men's clothing is more comfortable.

draws on her converse and marlene's leather jacket.

worships minerva mcgonagall. the art teacher.

scared of flying.

gave herself a lot of her own piercings.

Dorlene:

they have 'design dates' where marlene sits and makes clothes, and dorcas works on her jewelry/works on new art.

nauseatingly affectionate sometimes.

that one picture with the girl straddling the other one and doing her makeup. that's them.

flat is always super loud- marlene playing music and them dancing, working on their university assignments and their work.

marlene spends a lot of nights at dorcas' trailer and becomes best friends with her dad because of it.

marlene does bring donuts or coffee for them all the time.

shit talk people but in sign language.

dorcas comforts marlene during nightmares and marlene comforts dorcas during anxiety attacks.

never explained they were dating to their friends, one day just kissed goodbye and everyone just went with it.

marlene picks her up and carries her places (the doctor, cause dorcas is scared of the doctor and refuses to go)

dorcas bakes marlene cookies and muffins when she's sick.

dorcas cheers marlene on at all her hockey games, even though she finds hockey dumb.

dorcas takes marlene to vintage stores and markets and marlene always ends up carrying whatever dorcas buys.

marlene takes dorcas to shul with her on the high holidays and makes snide commentary about the people at her shul. dorcas tries learning hebrew to at least be able to follow along. doesn't work super well but marlene appreciates it anyway.

take turns deciding what movie go watch together. marlene likes action/adventure and dorcas loves a dorky romance movie.

marlene takes dorcas to italy to visit marlene's older brother. make solid plans to move there one day/honeymoon there.

road trip together with them and their friends.

can definitely do the dirty dancing lift.

had picnics on the balcony at their flat all the time. marlene used her candles to make it more atmospheric and dorcas' plants also helped.

kinda broke until marlene's fashion and designs hit it big.

femme x butch, fr tho.

dorcas used petnames all the time. marlene always got flustered and dropped what she was holding.

marlene learned how to style dorcas' hair, how to do braids and stuff like that so she could do dorcas' hair.

very in love, cutest couple ever, and kind of losers with each other.

[quillkiller]

Don't know if you've been asked this before but, what do you think marauders characters would dress up as for Halloween?

i haven’t!!! ok im gonna answer this from a moderun au perspective me thinks. thank u this is so fun<3

sirius: the doll from saw

remus: a saw victim….. with the death mask / reverse bear trap on ^ its a couples costume❤️

james: something so boring and im in love with him for it. like a fucking knight or something GOD HES SO DUMB <3

peter: HMMM. neil from dead poets society when hes in the play

lily: a witch but a really tragic one and when people ask she says that shes one of the witches who were burned during the witch trials. she goes on a feminist rant whenever anyone will listen

mary: princess (to match with james<3)

marlene: sirius. and hes soooooo pissed about it. she even sprays her hair black

dorcas: a hot and sexy drag king because shes the butch dyke of my dreams actually

pandora: queen of hearts from alice in wonderland

evan: that guy from american horror story. tate langdon……. he also wears the ’normal people scare me’ shirt

barty: the clown from one piece absolutely

regulus: cesare from the cabinet of dr. caligari (my favorite silent film of all time) because hes a PRETENTIOUS LOSER <3

emmeline: she puts on cat ears or something and dresses up as the sluttiest version of herself. because shes the love of my LIFE!!!!!! she enda up having a threesome with marlene and dorcas btw

[thatndginger]

OC Deep Dive Tag

thank you very much @pandoras-comment-box for the tag (their answers for the fantastic Cal and Finder here!)

Rules: answer the following questions for your OCs!

I used a random die roll to pick which character got to answer these, and apparently the universe really likes Warrick right now, because he's the winner~

What uncommon/common fear do they have? 

Warrick is scared of heights, and also of outer space. His reasoning for that last one is that it is a near-perfect vacuum devoid of anything except for bullshit fake-but-actually-not stuff called ‘dark matter’ and ‘dark energy’. Of course he should be scared! Also: aliens.

Do they have any pet peeves? 

For someone who doesn’t really care about germs, he really hates it when people don’t wash their hands before putting them anywhere near their mouths. Or any orifice, really.

What are 3 items you can find in their bedroom? 

A duffel bag full of spraypaint cans. A poster for the “4th international motorcycle speed event” of 1964. A white, sheer silk shirt with a floral pattern.

What do they notice first in a person? 

Confidence, or lack thereof.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how high is their pain tolerance? 

For minor injuries 3/10. For major injuries 8/10. He’ll whine to hell and back about a stubbed toe, but will try to play off a dislocated joint like it’s no big deal.

Do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure? 

Usually flight, unless he’s been backed into a corner.

Do they come from a big family/are they a family person? 

Yes, because Warrick considers the Pack to be his family. There are roughly 20-30 people who consider themselves Pack (the numbers fluctuate some as people come and go) which is a big family. And while he’s kind of flighty and forgetful Warrick’s end goal is to make sure they’re safe.

What animal represents them best?

…. Well, he is a werecougar. But if I had to pick another animal, it’d be a labrador retriever: friendly, loyal, sometimes kind of dumb, and 10th most dangerous dog breed in the US statistically.

What is a smell that they dislike? 

Banana.

Have they broken any bones? 

Yup. He’s broken a couple toes and fingers, and once one of the bones in his tail while in cougar form.

How would a stranger likely describe them? 

Cute in a gangly goofball way, flamboyant, fantastic hair, a little spacey.

Are they a night owl or a morning bird? 

Night Owl 100%. His preferred schedule is staying awake until 5am and sleeping until 2pm. Or later.

What is a flavor they hate and a flavor they love? 

Hate - sweet potato. Love - Fenugreek

Do they have any hobbies? 

Graffiti art, urban exploring, fleecing unsuspecting fools in games of pool.

Boom, surprise birthday party! How do they react to surprises? 

After he manages to restart his heart, Warrick is so fucking jazzed. People want to celebrate him? And they went to the trouble of planning a surprise party? This is the best thing to ever happen to him. Will try to pretend that this doesn’t make him want to cry happy tears, but is going to hug every single person in the room at least once and will be smiling like a loon the entire time.

Do they like to wear jewelry? 

Oh my god, yes. In addition to being a fashion disaster when it comes to clothes, Warrick loves accessorizing. He’s got a couple ear piercings and an eyebrow piercing that he’ll change out regularly, and always has some assortment of rings, bracelets, and necklaces. He doesn’t stick to one material either, so it’ll be a mix of gold, silver, leather, shell, or whatever else he’s found. It shouldn’t look good but somehow usually does.

Do they have neat or messy handwriting? 

Messy. So messy. Which is hilarious considering his graffiti writing is usually very neat and stylized. But give him a pen and it devolves to chicken scratch.

What are the two emotions they feel the most? 

Excitement and boredom.

Do they have a favorite fabric? 

Silk. Followed closely by linen. He’s a fan of natural fibers.

What kind of accent do they have?

A generic American accent with a bit of that northwestern accent (saying egg like “aygg”, caught as “cot”, pawned as “pond”)

I shall gently tag @sliceoflifeshepard @aritany @half-hell @a-crystallen-author if y'all would like to rant about an oc or two!

Here is a handy list of the questions to make it easy for you:

What uncommon/common fear do they have? Do they have any pet peeves? What are 3 items you can find in their bedroom? What do they notice first in a person? On a scale of 1 to 10, how high is their pain tolerance? Do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure? Do they come from a big family/are they a family person? What animal represents them best? What is a smell that they dislike? Have they broken any bones? How would a stranger likely describe them? Are they a night owl or a morning bird? What is a flavor they hate and a flavor they love? Do they have any hobbies? Boom, surprise birthday party! How do they react to surprises? Do they like to wear jewelry? Do they have neat or messy handwriting? What are the two emotions they feel the most? Do they have a favorite fabric? What kind of accent do they have?

[glitterdeathblast]

FUCKING JUMPS ON YOU. I SAW YOUR SELF INDULGENT AU POST THINGY. THIS IS A HOLD UP PUT THE DARK PIT HEADCANONS IN THE BAG RN /silly /nf

(they say, while ALSO having 28302784789324 self indulgent headcanons about dark pit and his personality)

HELLOOOO THIS IS SO FUNNY I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THAT REBLOG

anyways!! here a handful of dumb(silly) headcannons about Deepers:

Personally i like the idea of DP being transfemme in contrast to Pit being transmasc (trans in opposite directions you might say,, + the thought of Pit projecting onto DP so hard they get both his desired gender AND gender dysphoria is really funny imo)

DP is from a mirror world, they’re not actually an underworld monster the way Pandora said they were. (think other mirror worlds like from LoZ & Kirby. DP is kinda like from a mirror KI world)

Because of the mirror dimension thing DP doesn’t bleed, their skin cracks when they’re injured

DP HATES sweets. Prefers spicy foods instead

Dyes their hair black. Actually has brown hair like Pit but you wouldn’t be able to waterboard that information out of them

In the context of smash bros, they’ve developed the habit of coming up with dumb nicknames for everyone. Its a pretty big deal to be referred to by your actual name by them tbh

Arlon is the closest thing DP has to a father figure + they’re more of a niece/nephew to Palutena than a child

DP actually serves humanity (in a way) instead of the gods; they do their best to protect the humans. (contrast -> Pit serves the heavens, DP “serves” the mortals)

Overall, DP’s personality is a lot more mellow than people would think it is; the angry outbursts they display are a result of constant stressors & bad coping mechanisms

this is all I can think of for now!! lmk if you want elaborations on anything ^_^

[mattslolita]

update about the boy!

NO BC Y DID UR CHRIS FIC HAVE ME 🫦🤤😫💃

SO yesterday (sunday) he came over to mine, and my older friend was also here cuz she came round saturday night. she has a baby and shes like 8 months old. basically he was like playing w her an making her laugh (HES GOOD W KIDS OMG😊😊😊) and my friend went "thats ur man right there" and i laughed. he heard her and jus looked up and smiled at me 😏😏

when she left we were chilling in my room and i forgot all abt this tbh, but he gave me the charm he bought last week 😍😍😍 then cuz its his mums birthday soon we were looking for stuff to get her. then we thought of buying this cute box of fake pink roses that look real from some website and a charm from pandora and then a perfume she wants.

after like 2 hours we decided to go out for smth to eat (wingstop bc ITS FIRE and im fussy asf). when we left we saw 2 of his mates and one of them said to me "im jus gonna hav to pretend im interested in you to get him to make a move atp" 😭😭(he dint hear)

then we got home. i was laying on my stomach on my bed and he was downstairs talking to my mum (God knows abt what🤔 ) and he came up and layed next to me but dint say anything instead jus looked at me. then i said "what?" and he jus sighed and said "nothing" AND obviously it wasnt nothing but i dint wanna push it. i told my friend and she was like "he wants you so bad its UNREAL" LMFAOO 🤣(real)

today at schl we had science and we had that COVER/SUPPLY TEACHER AGAIN OMGGGG!! i wanted to cry like bro LEAVEEEEEEEEE!!!!! she made us answer true or false questions related to biology (ibsr idk the difrence between biology chemistry or physics its badddd) 😭😭😭 and if we thought it was true we had to go to the left side of the room and false, on the right (games you'd play w a fucking toddler, grow up!) and i knew the answer too one of the questions (SURPRISINGLY 😉) BUTTTT... i literally cant tell my lefts and rights (im dyslexic but also jus super dumb 🥹) so the boy was like "yes but what side do we go on" and i was like "hold on" and he went "YOU DONT KNOW UR LEFTS AN RIGHTS?". he was pissing himself w his friend and the teacher was like "how are you in top set w/o knowing ur lefts and rights?" first off pipe down, second, fucking LEAVEEE the SCHOOL MAN! he was takin the mick the whole day and then said " you wanna start learning how to drive as soon as you turn 18 but the driving instructors gonna go 'turn right' and ur gonna go left, straight into the fucking river" VIOLATED! (SO TRUE THO) 😭😭😭😭😭😭

side note- i was sitting on the grass with two of my friends today and this girl whos in my brothers year like 2 years below said hi to me then she went "ur rlly pretty" I LITERALLY LOOOOVE PPL LIKE THAT. she was so sweet omg i wanted to cry 🥲🥹

AWWWWW HIM JS LOOKING AT U IN ADMIRATION IS THE CUTEST THING EVER !! ur momma was prolly giving him the talk LMFAOOOOOO

im soso glad u liked the fic bb❤

STAWP BECAUSE I DONT KNOW MY LEFT OR RIGHTS EITHER ITS SOOOOOO EMBARRASSING I BARELY REMEMBER CS I REMIND MYSELF IM LEFT HANDED LMFAOO

that girls so sweet OMGGGGG !!! if he doesn't ask you out soon ISTG.....

[a-mess-of-a-crow]

Yall, just so you know this is anonymous, so I can't see who would vote no.

Also

Hi! I'm Craven!

I'm a wanna be artist with absolute crushed self esteem that desperately needs validation to get self worth and on the other hand doesn't believe that people's compliments are valid!

So basically= A self made self esteem issue!

I jump from hobby to hobby like a whore, making music, crotchet, animation, drawing, learning japanese (and failing miserably 😊), gave up on learning danish, learning guitar and keyboard, I used to make iron pellet art (hard to make with shaky ass hands)

Das me btw! In all my glory! (Wet socks in the sand, God fears me)

(me in school and my new jacket, old pic, Mochi laughed a lot :> )

Boring facts=

I'm 20 and a mess cuz since 2015 I've been simping over undertale like a Maniac (it's been better these days, but tumblr temporarily pushed me back into the obsession)

I'm a cat/ dog fanatic, but always crows before hoes

My favorite colors are purple, red, blue and black

I'm definitely demisexual polyamourous, but pan or polyromantic? I dunno lol.

Also genderfluid (altho i personally never really know what gender I feel like in the moment)

I have an absolute hopeless love for my aro/ace best friend who is called Mochi and she is the best and literally only real (real life) friend I ever had

Totally not my dumb brain starved for human connection and then immediately clinging to whoever is being a decent person to me

Luckily she is also a bomb person and kind so she doesn't use me like my other friendships XD

How did Red Mass start?

To get an idea of what my AU is, you gotta know how my dumb brain thought of it.

2015. I was absolutely sucked into Undertale after watching a german YouTuber play it, and then I started watching a certain Irish fella play it as well.

I started watching comic dubs of all the Au's that people made, faning out and just binged watched everything relating to it.

Then my family and I had vacation.

A trip to Rome (it was hot and awful, never again. Fucking 40°C celsius are you kidding me?)

It was a 15 hour trip (with bathroom/ smoker breaks)

And i layed in the back of the car, daydreaming about all those Au's.

It was awesome and cool and I slowly started to MAYBE get pandora syndrome of where I desperately wanted to be a part of those stories (I know. Cringe)

It got so bad that I maaaaybe cried in bed every night hoping I'd just wake up in the stories (but my life sucks so that also played a role)

So on that car ride, Luna lovania (god the cringe hurts me badly) was born.

A skeleton oc at first, later being an oc that is a fusion of Frisk and sans (which still is a part of Red Mass)

I daydreamed 15 hours + 15 hours back about Red Mass, it was such bliss (and even while we were in Rome)

And since that point, I have kept daydreaming every day for 8 years, and it became a big part of my life (as ridiculous as this sounds)

I just realized I might be insane.

Oh well

I will make a specific Red Mass post, explaining the story a bit and character introduction ((but not revealing too many spoilers since I kinda wanna make it into a thing))

I hope you guys mean it if you say you're interested :)

[layton-heritage-posts]

Personally i don't consider LMJ canon on account of it implying layton would just fuck off and leave his family behind. Like??? The layton who WENT THROUGH A WHOLE TOWN JUST TO ADOPT A CHILD, found out he was adopting a child and went "OH OKAY I WILL PROTECT HER WITH MY LIFE" ??? This man's first adventure in BOTH prequel and main trilogy is "layton goes to a fucked up town and adopts someone's child" the idea layton would leave his kids behind is like. Wrong to me. He MIGHT be a shitty teacher who never turns up to his classes but this is because he is always looking after his kids. Layton was falling apart when he had to leave luke and they both agreed on that. I don't like it ehen sequels make the main characters shitty parents its always out of characger and really is with layton. Whatd herschel ever do to deserve this. Man loves his kids. He's not always the best at telling if they are his kids or not but he still loves them.

Exactly, and I know that there are also some people who say "oh, but Flora always gets left behind" and yeah, it sucks, but to be fair:

1. In Pandoras Box they were investigating an actual Murder, and in lost future they first got pulled into this whole mess all of a sudden with no chance of telling flora, and once they came back to the present it was clear that this whole thing is going to be dangerous. Plus once Flora came to the clock shop by herself Layton allowed her to stay instead of just sending her away.

2. Flora grew up isolated in a small village. Layton was worried about her since she had no prior experience with his adventures. This is probably also why he has no Problem with Luke being there. Luke isn't his actual adopted child but his apprentice. He has proven that he is clever and a good companion on Laytons adventures. Also the fact that Layton knew him since he was a baby also helped.

But Flora? He basically just got a daughter handed to him out of nowhere. Of course he would be hesitant letting her go with him. He know's how his adventures go, I believe he was mainly concerned about her. Basically being "holy shit I have a daughter now what if something happens to her???"

Of course he still made some dumb mistakes, but he never had an actual child besides Luke in his care before, cut the man some slack!

And then he's supposed to get another child, actually raised it and knew it since it was a baby, and THIS is where he decides to just fuck off and leave???

I call Bullshit, god I can't stand LMJ for so many reasons.