#goes to get a calculator to do the math to find out what the fuck how old they are

[soshadysoquiet]

Five sucks at Math - A Headcanon

This is a personal fav of mine, not necessarily one I think is real in the show, but that I find endlessly funny for an AU and will now provide evidence for.

Sometimes it seems Reggie didn't give Five the same 'break em down' treatment as obviously as he did the others, but boy do we know Five was a frustrated child, so:

Reggie forced this lil toddler to believe his powers were equation-based, meanwhile Five had just Wanted to be in the pantry, what do you mean he needs to do numbers?

As soon as Reggie knows Five is bad at maths, he doubles down - this is why the boy has limitations on his powers that the others don't, Reggie needs to form him into the Correct way of using them.

Five is, of course, useless at maths to the point of near numerical illiteracy initially, not that he Can't learn how to do them with endless repetition and practice, but it does not come naturally, requires a lot of mental energy, and leaves Five extra exhausted and frustrated that he needs to do all this work and One just punches stuff and Two is allowed to work it out from just throwing things not calculate angles (Reggie tried, but we all know he had Zero time for Diego)

That won't stop him from being conceited and prideful: after all the others aren't even doing this kind of math and also it's a defence mechanism.

"Evidence" in the show:

Five can only do so many jumps, and they're very costly to him. The mental strain from calculating even remembered equations on the fly or accidentally slipping and jumping without thinking keeps him tied down.

His jumping is fairly predictable - Lila figures him out in no time, possibly because it was quicker and more strategic for Five to memorise a few set equations than come up with any math on the fly.

He does jump quickly - at what point do we ever see him pause to work out how to avoid being caught in a wall? He automatically jumps away from threat or being thrown (thank you Luther). That speaks to me that it's at least in part instinctual, he defo wasn't doing equations as a bub either.

The most brilliant use of powers Does come at a moment: When he jumps forward at 13, he looks to have no plan for a set destination and just channels his pent up anger and goes. When he rewinds time, he doesn't have time to write on the walls or a book (how we've seen him calculate complex mathematics before) he just needs it and he does it.

Five does not manage to come back from the Apocalypse via maths - now don't get me wrong, It's more complicated than anything I could comprehend and that's very validly the show's reason why. But in the books he Does make it - this Five is bad at math, and he spent horrible years in the apocalypse trying to calculate something he couldn't whilst he was starving and not understanding it.

Why was he forcing himself to find a way out by math if his powers were instinctual? Five says it himself "I told you" he hears in his head every day out there - being frivolous got him stuck, now he needs to follow the rules to get out.

When Five does work it out, he gets it wrong - makes a typo, after having that moment of inspiration. (Again, very valid for Big Complicated Math but stay on this journey with me)

We see him rewind time once, did he stop after this because his abusive childhood training taught him 'shit now I need to work out the numbers before I can do that again don't fuck it up'

Five doing math looks absolutely chaotic (again, many, many reasons for this obvs but lets look at this one) his probability walls produce names out of thin air - where'd you get the names from Five? The phone book? Did the numbers spell that out for you after you'd stared at them long enough? Did you pick some arbitrary people living in the city and work backwards? Complex math yes, but also a brain not wired to do them struggling so desperately to make the numbers make sense. They're meant to make sense. They have to make sense. I wouldn't be in this mess if I had made them make sense the first time-

Five has some little tricks with his powers - swapping a gun with a stapler. That we see him use all of once despite how much of a power move that could be (Viktor's violin? Here's the baguette Klaus was eating) I like to think of this as he found this power instinctually, showed Reginald who Ruined It With Math, and again learned one single practical combat equation that was drilled into him and it was so heinous that he never wanted to play around with more.

SPOILERS FOR SEASON 4.... Five has a doctorate of philosophy on his wall, not a doctorate for math. Powers gone? Awful. No more math? Guess there's the silver lining everyone always talks about.

Anyway, this is just a fun uno reverse that I wanted to write a story about but could never find the full picture for, so here it is.

I liked the idea of in a world with the apocalypse diverted his siblings start to notice Five's struggles with math and gently start helping to re wire that part of his brain that Five didn't have the experience to notice was all Reggie's bullshit.

[where-are-the-spooky-gays-2]

I talk about Virgil a lot so here are some random (some AU specific, some not, NOT ALL IN THE SAME AU) headcanons I have for Remus with mediocre elaboration:

— low empathy autistic. Has to be taught some empathy. I don't mean he's a danger, I just mean it doesn't initially occur to him that something might hurt someone emotionally. Also this usually comes with more of an explanation but I ✨don't remember the entire explanation✨

— he/they/it/various neos. I just think they'd vibe with it. I don't think he'd totally rock with she/her but y'all know headcanons are individual and I very much love seeing she/her and transfem Remus too <33

— tics. Sometimes they're worse than other times. Usually in a human au. Not with any specific disorder in mind when thought of

— this one is less mine and more my one friend's but Imma include it anyway: they wrote about him in one AU having a schizophrenia disorder. I don't remember the specifics but some of it was Remus seeing and hearing people/things that aren't there, which caused him and a lot of other people distress, and it furthered their "this is why people look at him odd but really he's not odd" agenda. He thought he was broken. Nope turns out his brain's just a bit different. Cue "ohhhhhh"

— y'know 80s/90s punk aesthetic? Yeah. Also thrifts like a bitch like they're out there all the time.

— walking calculator and can do a truly abhorrent level of math in his head. But cannot for the life of them do English. Like what the fuck is a semi colon. Ain't that the thing in your body?

— marine biologist or a mortician for his job I CANNOT decide.

— has horror movies as comfort movies <3 like "okay I'm sleeping now hmmm I'll put on the original Halloween" and then dozes off to it

— has facial hair other than the mustache. Removes the facial hair other than the mustache

— truly the most monstrous mullet you have ever seen except it's somehow hot. Like against all odds it's hot on it.

— writes down its worst intrusive thoughts in a notebook and when the notebook is full, burns it. That way it's an almost symbolic way of "FUCK these ideas"

— cusses just so goddamn much

— in some few AUs (I have to specify); smoker. Started as a teenage rebellion habit and now it's kicking their ass.

— tooth gap. I fucking love tooth gap.

— the grey streak isn't dye actually it's a birth mark. Roman has a similar one but he dyes it (neither brother is bothered by this)

— has fake blood splattered on several pairs of shoes just because it can and they think it looks cool

— reaaaaaally tries to pretend they don't care about Roman (highschool specific au) but also shows up for all of his theater shows and is always giving a standing ovation every time and has cried at a few performances (but definitely not no because they're too cool 😎.. *sobs*)

I feel like this is too many but ya get my vibes for him? :D I hope. I love them. They're so cool. It's just. AAAA

— 👑

Dude I fucking L O V E all of these S O fucking much oml!!! These really match Ree's vibes and them being a walking calculator is S O fucking underrated (Also “What the fuck is a semi colon ain't that the thing in your body?” is so R E A L XD) I really dig the notebook burning thing I think it would really help get it's thoughts out and he can find it therapeutic because F I R E <3 Also the highschool one has me cackling just

Remus: I could give less of a shit about Ro

Remus: *goes to all of his shows*

Remus: *sobbing and clapping* That's my fuckin' twin y'all!

True Punk behavior XD

[siriusblack-the-third]

I really loved that Marauders Dark Academia post <333 I was wondering if you have any other Indian James Potter headcanons? About him or his family etc

Ohhhhh i have sO. MANY.

He does that thing where you slurp chai, click your tongue and say 'haaaaa!' Sirius and Remus give him so much shit for it for the first couple months, but then they start doing it and Peter finds it annoying and suddenly everyone in Gryffindor is being subjected to extremely exaggerated 'haaaaa!'s

He absolutely loathes it when people say British food tastes good. He gets into so many arguments with Peter about it because "come on, mate, that's the sweetest chai my mother makes, she's even skipped the ginger, how do you find it spicy?* "It has cinnamon, Jamie." "Cinnamon is fucking sweet, you little—"

He's obsessed with literature and poetry. Like, even obsessed is a mild word. People think Remus is the type to read books but no, wolf boy over there wouldn't touch a book if he didn't abso-fucking-lutely need to. James is the real bookworm— he got it from his Baba, who waxed poetic about Rabindranath Thakur and Vivekananda and Ghalib and Faiz Ahmad Faiz and told James that their writing was amazing and then there's this little boy reading under his covers with a little ball of not-so-accidentally conjured light which is how he gets his glasses before he even goes to Hogwarts.

He's three quarters Desi. His mother was from India, and his father was half Indian, because James' paternal grandmother was also from India. Specifically, both women were from pureblood Maratha lines.

He does the head movements. All the head movements. Sirius picks it up after spending literally all their time together, and Remus and Peter laugh themselves sick about it so many times, oh my gods.

Sirius learns Marathi, Hindi and Urdu from James' parents in secret and surprises James during the holidays after sixth year because he has the proper accent down and everything. James cries (but he won't admit it)

The Potter family, except James' paternal uncle Charlus and his wife Dorea, live in India till right before his 11th birthday, when the Indo Pak war breaks out. Then they move to England.

James has so. Many. Cousins. He can't remember the names of half of them and he hates how the atyas and the maushis and the mamis pull his cheeks when he visits the country, but he puts up with it because family is important to him. Also he loves playing with the toddlers and babies, they're fucking cute.

Loves kajal so much it's borderline unhealthy. There will always. Always. Be a line of black under his eyes, winging out slightly at the outer corners. Sometimes, when he's feeling himself, he will draw the wing out to a dramatic, bold style that makes the light brown of his eyes look so much more beautiful (Lily drives herself crazy over it).

Absolute pants at waltzing. He loves the music, sure (he can play almost every sheet of piano music he can find on the first try bc baby boi is a Pureblood brat /affectionate/), but he hates the dance style. He'd much rather wrap his ankles with ghungroo and dip his fingers into alta dye, because bharatnatyam is the ultimate dance form and you are wrong if you have any other opinion.

He was really good friends with the Patil twins' parents and family. They would get together to talk shit about the gore loka and Sirius would get mock annoyed that James almost never took him because "Jamie we're practically married already what the fuck mate"

He's really fucking good at maths and arithmancy, and he really fucking hates it. Stupid numbers and their stupid calculations kashyasathi kartoy mi he kay upayog tari ahe ka hyacha (marathi— why am I doing this is this even of any use) but he has a point to prove to snivellus and fuck if he isn't proving it. It also helps that his mother made him complete all fourteen levels of abacus (seven basic and seven advanced) by the time he was fourteen.

[carica-ficus]

“Nona the Ninth”

20/07/2024

Reading progress: 477/477 (100%) Read through since last update: 203

The final stretch! Since I've had a free day yesterday, so I decided to binge the rest of the book and it was so worth it.

Alas, the final notes:

YEESSSS!!! RAGE!! TIME FOR VIOLENCE!!!!!

Hhhh Nona's meltdown is so freeing. There was SO much tension that has built up these last few days and she took it like a champ.

Ngl, I read that part as the frustration that comes out when you're finally done masking for so long. And I mean, Nona literally mentions it in the text too. That she's wearing a mask that looks like her face. Love to see it. It's comforting in a strange way. Mostly because I get it.

Fuck. Yeah, we learn about Earth's demise. We learn about the ways humans try to escape it. We learn about the consequences. But hearing John say that they needed to get the second wave of ships ready before the next round of climate starvation really hit. Humanity really is fucked. And not just in this book.

Not the fucking cows again.

Dying of curiosity. I mean... Is she wrong? (We'll see.)

Oh, fuck. It's not Ianthe's body.

This changes everything.

It changed nothing. Except that it might have made some things worse.

Of course it's Harrow's body. I did think that to myself somewhere in the middle of the book. Like - wouldn't it be SO funny if Harrow, who was always forced to calculate everything and be 3 steps ahead of everyone else, is replaced by Nona who depends on others to survive and has no idea what the fuck's happening? And there we all have it.

ALSO.

The storyline of Harrow working so much and trying to recover after all that grief and anger and sadness becoming a person that is going through recovery, who is loved and loves others, who is struggling so much to find herself, but doesn't know how to function on her own... It's such a powerful take on mental health and everything that comes along with trauma and recovery. This is such a good book.

Is it Gideon AGAIN???

That would be so fucking funny HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Okay. She's not. But it's so much worse! Hahahahaha 🙃🙃🙃

HSJDNDNJSKSKSKSKS PALAMEDES AND CAMILLA MY BELOVED ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

No pain meds. - Every pain medication you have, please.

AAAAAAA they're so ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Oh, yeah. There it goes again. Is Nona hard of hearing? I didn't really think about this element that much, but it does appear several times. She can understand others and multiple languages only if she sees them speak.

Ok. That John chapter was something.

And I know he's a shitty guy. I do. But I get it.

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA not the Sixths doing math ALOUD in the Convoy to entertain themselves

Paul?

Sure, ok. Why not.

This kinda reminds me of that scene where Lapis (from Steven Universe) calls herself Bob during the baseball episode. Can't believe I remember that since I haven't watched the show in ages.

SUSS?????

THEN PERISH???

Okay, so much happened at the end that I just didn't want to put the book away in order to comment, so here's some thoughts at the end.

JOHN YOU DICKHEAD AAAAAAAAAAAAA

On the other hand, I am in LOVE with the way his character is written - from a perfect being to a selfish, deceitful and greedy man. I loved the way he captured Alecto. I love how he brought her into the tomb like a child, and she was in awe of everything he showed her. It's so raw. It's so sickening and repulsive and violating.

AND I LOVE that Alecto is basically the soul of the Earth. And I love that she is just a girl. That she just wants to live and love and be loved.

And that ending. AAAAA So cool. So so so so so cool. Love it.

I'm so happy I finally finished Nona. It is such a gorgeous book and I loved every bit of it. With each book I just fall more in love with the world and the characters, and I'm in awe of Muir's capability to make me appreciate every single character, no matter their background, morality or goals. Man, this story will stay with me for a long time, if not forever.

[spidersvise]

"WE CHOOSE TO GO TO THE MOON..."

What's wild to think about is the short amount of time between the Wright flyer at Kittyhawk and man walking on the moon.

1903-1969. Totally plausible for someone to have been alive for both. Rocketry as a science is a marvel. From Robert Goddard crashing the first liquid fueled rocket in his aunt's garden in 1926 to the F1 engine (five of them in the first stage) powering the Saturn V rocket with fuel pumps strong enough to empty an olympic sized swimming pool in 2.5 minutes.

And then the physics behind getting things up there in the first place. Orbit. Going from stationary on a launchpad to fast enough to orbit the earth every ~90 minutes. Dealing with atmospheric pressure and drag all the way up there. Every component needing to be meticulously engineered to keep the thing together the whole time. You've got a controlled explosion constantly going off behind you, it's gonna rattle the vehicle a bit. You even need baffles in the fuel tanks so that the sloshing fuel doesn't throw the balance off. Try balancing a bowl of water on your fingertip while walking down a hall.

Then there's a need for radios strong enough to transmit through the atmosphere, thousands of miles into space and back. Building antennas and relays to put in orbit to extend radio range. The math behind it. Making the electronics strong and resilient enough to survive vacuum, solar radiation, accumulating heat(there's not enough atmosphere for heat to adequately radiate the way it does on Earth, so you gotta get rid of the heat somehow)for years. Now you've got to learn docking.

Matching orbital velocities between you and your target. Learning it's not as simple as burning your engines while you're facing your target, but more like … both targets are in free fall and need to maneuver so that their trajectories match each other. Slowly. Carefully. Spacecraft need to be lightweight, so collisions, even small ones, can be catastrophic. Computer-controlled docking computers were not a thing. So they had to do it by hand. Using RCS thrusters to maneuver the craft to its target just right so the hatches connect strongly and airtight.

Put all of that together and you have the Apollo program. Launching a 110 meter rocket into space, flinging it at the moon, docking with the lander, sliding into orbit around the moon. Disconnecting the lander. Landing it with a very small fuel tank with no chance of rescue if something goes wrong. Realizing the landing site that was picked was actually rockier than it was supposed to be, while you're about to set down. Having mission control telling you you're almost out of fuel while you literally have to eyeball the landing. The computing power back then was miniscule. A calculator is more complicated than the computers that powered Apollo. Then the blessed touchdown in your tissue paper craft(if you drop a wrench while you're inside the lunar lander on Earth, it will literally punch a hole in the floor). Stepping out of the vehicle to mind-bending, magnificent desolation. Black sky. No stars. The sunlight off of the surface of the moon is too bright to allow starlight. Gray ultra fine 'soil' as far as the eye can see, pockmarked by eons of meteorite collisions older than life itself. Farther from home than anyone's ever been. Where no one's ever set foot.

And then. Leaving on the horse you rode in on. Doing the ballet of orbital rendezvous and docking again. Timing the burn of the engines to get you home. Hoping your math is right and you don't hit the atmosphere at too shallow an angle, skipping off of it like a stone on water. Or too steep, punching into it too fast for the heat shields and parachutes to handle. While you're burning through the atmosphere hoping no superheated gasses find a weak spot in your capsule to punch into, you can't even talk to mission control. The plasma fucks with comms too much so there are minutes of total silence where nobody knows if the other party is still alive. Then, if every single part of this crazy mission worked correctly and you're still alive, parachutes deploy. You hit the waters of the ocean. And wait for someone to pick you up.

That's not even mentioning Apollo 13. Where the command module suffered an explosion during flight, in a fuel tank that fucked their oxygen supply.

Spaceflight is, was, always will be, crazy. Foolhardy. Deadly. Exhilarating.

[donut-cloud]

Lifesteal incorrect quotes

Spoke: I took a calculated risk but boy I am I bad at math

Vitalasy: Wow, all of lifesteal lost power.

Subz: You know, I’ve always kinda liked blackouts. Listen to how quiet it is. It’s so peaceful.

[ Lifesteal being Lifesteal. ]

Subz: Nope, it immediately turned into a purge. Way to go, Lifesteal.

*Everyone blowing up and killing everything in sight*

Life-stealers : LETS GOOOOOOOOO

Clownpierce: If there is such a thing as true love, I’m sure I’ll never find it.

Branzy: Oh don’t worry! I’m sure that you’ll find it someday. Maybe you and I can find it together.

Clownpierce , under his breath: I think I just found it.

In circus...Branzy wanted to surprise Clown for his anniversary...

Clownpierce : What is one thing I told you not to do?

Branzy: Don't burn the circus down...

Clownpierce : And what did you do?

Branzy: Made you dinner~

Clownpierce*Raises an eyebrow at him*

Branzy:...

Branzy:... and burnt the house down

Poafa: Can I share a hotel room with someone else? Zam has a really weird alarm.

Vortex: What do you mean?

Poafa: It’s a recording of him going, “Come on Barbie, let’s go party” over and over, but he just gets more terrifying each time.

Zam: Tell me a single time you didn’t sing along.

Poafa: …

Vortex: He has a point.

Poafa: Goddamnit.

Subz: Do you think he's the one for me?

Woogie: Vitalasy? Oh, yeah. He's tons of fun and you're no fun at all. He completes you.

Ro: Mappic… Did it hurt?

Mappic: What? When I fell from heaven? 

Ro: No. when you died.

Mappic:

Mappic: What the fuck do you think? It was a damn crowbar and a bomb. You tell me.

Things said out of context

Leo: You know, everytime we have to say "technically it's not murder" it doesn't sound as great as we hope it so.

-------------

Branzy, very tired: I suppose I shouldn't ask about the Bomb flying of your window this morning?

Zam: I'd really hope you not.

--------------

Spoke: I'm JUST SAYING, that IF "hypothetically" WE both showed up in battle  wearing  parrot onesies, hood down and then lifted up the hood just to show matching mowhawks we could both have the joy to see everyone  pissing on their pants.

Parrot putting his book down: I'm listening.

----------

Rekrap: Just- Just be nice about it, for once in your life okay?

Pangi: Hn. (lying)

-----------

Branzy: I'd like to remind all of you that I have a terrifying death clown.

Vitalasy: The fuck you mean by that????

Branzy: No reason. Just saying. In case we all forgot.

------------

Ashswag: We are all aware that Spepticale isn't fond of violence *loads glock*.

-------------

Spepticale, 10 years old talking about Ashswag to Clutch : Yeah, he just comes here, eat all our food, argues with Reddoons for 45 minutes and goes away.

--------------

Pangi, 15 years old, also talking about Ashswag to his school friend: He just comes here-

---------------

Branzy, very, very tired: So... a bomb.

---------------

Terrain: Do it.

Cube: Dude what the fuck.

---------------

Zam, 7 nights awake in a roll: Do you think if I just scream loud enough Clown will come here and put me out of my misery.

Mid, 12 nights awake in a roll: He won't.

---------------

Mid  at 3 am: I'll pay you fifty bucks if you pretend you never saw me here

---------------

Zam, 17 years old: The fuck are you doing here.

Clown, with a shitty ass grin showing the engagement ring on his finger: I live here.

Zam:..

Branzy: Listen-

Zam: Some of you still don't eat the crust on your sandwich like absolute fucking cowards. It's just bread. Are you a toddler? Does your mommy tuck you in? Eat the crust, you stupid baby.

Also Zam

Zam: BRANZY THERE'S CRUST ON MY SANDWICH

Spoke: Clown, can I have a silenced pistol?

Clown: Shouldn't you ask Branzy?

Spoke: He said no. 

Clown: Then why're you asking me?

Spoke: Because he's not the boss of you.

Clown: It's a trap, it's a trap, it's a trap.

Bacon: how do you ask someone out?

Vitalasy: Well, first-

Subz: Don't ask him, he asked me out in a McDonalds parking lot.

Bacon: …And you said yes?

Clown, to Branzy: We had a date!

Branzy: *aggressively points to Spiderman Coloring Book*

Ro: Hey guys what’s up?

Mappic: Silence! this is a debate I intend to win.

Ro: huh?

Clown *eating popcorn* : You’re gonna wanna see this 

Jaron: BY FAR IT IS ONLY LOGICAL TO ASSUME- 

Mid: LOGIC HAS NO PART YOU’RE JUST BIASED

Clown: They’re fighting over who was the one which caused the most chaos 

Ro: 

Ro *reaches for popcorn* 

Clown *slaps his hand* : Nuh-uh Ro only the one with the title of MOST CHAOTIC lifestealer gets to eat popcorn 

Spepticale: YOU ARE A LITERAL ASSASSIN WHOS TRIED TO MURDER SEVERAL PEOPLE 

Clown: REMIND ME OF YOUR BODYCOUNT?! 

Ro: what now-

Clown: THAT WAS BARELY ANY  

Spoke: I was literally broke ALL the rules in lifesteal AND SUMMONED THOUSANDS OF MOBS

Clown: You’re all just competing for second place 

Ro: .. wait what about me? 

Everyone *stops and stares* 

Mappic: Ro, this is serious

Parrot: Yeah dude I remember your reputation and you haven’t changed 

Branzy: .. are you all done? 

Zam: BRANZY! Just who we want to see! So.. tell us, who was the most chaotic lifestealer ever 

Branzy*without hesitation* : Ro 

 Rek: Yeah it was Ro

Everyone:………

Ro*steals popcorn* : Y’all better start putting respect on my damn name

—————————

Behind the scenes

Ro: 2 hearts for you to say me 

Branzy: deal

--------------------------

I attempted  to write angst but kind of gave up in the end 

Momento mori = remember you must die (learned this in my arts class)

He stood near the cliff as the sun was setting. The wind blew his black hair left and right. The sun in front of her created a golden lining almost too faint to see. He watched him not wanting to disrupt the incredibly angelic scene in front of him.

In hopes of replicating his feelings, Branzy took a deep breath and walked towards Clown. As he turned around, he expected to see his bright red eyes almost gaze into your soul, you stared at them for long enough. Clown's head had turned around by the time his head was out of the clouds.

Branzy gaped in shock as he backed away, Clown’s eyes had been gouged out, and his lips, as well as his skin, had been ripped off of his face, blood was dripping down from everywhere, and the blood gushing from his eye sockets made it look like he was crying out blood, The bacteria in the air had started to rot away at his muscles. The blood continuously dropped on the green grass, turning a deep shade of maroon.

Branzy stared at him in shock and horror. He tried to run but couldn't. No matter how hard he tried something in him wouldn’t let him.

*************************

Branzy jolted awake as sweat dripped down his forehead. His breath became shaky as he tried to calm himself down from his nightmare. 

It had been years since Clown had passed away but even to this day, he couldn’t escape the guilt. Clown died because of him. It was his fault. If he had never taken the job, Clown would be with him. 

But life gives no second chances.

[scenetocause]

NOT to be greedy but i would kill & die for ur take on max & lando informing the following people about the impending baby: 1) jon malvern 2) tom bale 3) random f1 driver of your choice (lewis? daniel??)

o alright then

(mpreg, some nsfw, ambiguously trans max)

This - they should have known this plan was not going to work. What was supposed to happen was Max just saying he was driving and so couldn't drink on Oli's birthday . Except Oli had immediately said he'd get them a cab and fuck the money, let's have a big one and then they had to think fast, which neither of them is good at so Lando just got them a hotel room and then got distracted by the bed.

Which is why their back-up plan was Lando drinks all of Max's drinks too. It is, Max is coming to realise, possibly the worst plan in history. He's managed to dispatch a couple into plant pots and one into the sink in the loo and Oli's drunk enough now not to notice.

The problem is Lando is also so drunk he's quite hard to control. And Max would kind of like to go back to their room and sleep because he's crotchety and tired and drunk Lando is just unbelievably annoying at the best of times.

Which is what makes him make a huge mistake and leave Lando with Tom while he goes to the loo because apparently he can't drink more than half a glass of water without needing a piss, these days.

When he gets back, Tom looks a) very drunk, b) confused and c) like he's scrutinising Max. To be fair, the second two of those can be explained by the first but something about the way Lando looks both deliriously happy and sort of sheepish tells him some kind of shit has gone down and it's 2am and he wants to go home.

"Alright, what the fuck?"

"I mean..." Tom takes a big swig of a drink he definitely doesn't need. "I mean, I could say that - I didn't know you were. Y'know, that Lando had. I thought you were just-"

"Lando," Max hardly ever uses his real name to him and he knows it's a bit of a mum tactic to do it when he's telling him off but, well, whatever, they're going to be dads soon aren't they?

"I'm sorry!" Lando hiccups pathetically and it's nearly enough to make Max forgive him except he is hormonal and he can already guess what's happened here. "I just - I love you and. And I wanna tell people and it just, I'm really drunk."

Lando emphasises it by falling over and only just catching himself on the table, before reaching a sticky hand for Max. "You're just soooooo-"

There's a very strong possibility something absolutely terrible is going to come out of Lando's mouth, so Max shuts him up with his. It's a bit reckless, given they're in public but Lando's apparently in the mood to make announcements.

Except Lando's mouth somehow tastes of pineapple and ginger beer and at least three types of alcohol and Max has to reel back immediately and cough. "Jesus, what have you been drinking?"

"Everything," Lando says, woefully and slumping on the table. "I'm gonna feel so bad."

Tom is looking at them like he's making calculations except he's too drunk to make the maths add up and Max is too tired to help him. "Mate, I'm gonna take Bob somewhere to throw up. Speak to you tomorrow?"

He gets a nod, Tom looking like he hasn't blinked for several minutes and Max manages to shoulder Lando enough to find their jackets and maneuver him out. Thank fuck their room's only a walk away, Max trying to stop Lando tripping him up before he manages to get him into the lift and then onto the bed.

"Max.," Lando sounds very small. "I'm sorry. I tried to drink all the- I wanted to, I like you so much."

Max sighs. "I like you too, buddy. But you gotta brush your teeth before bed or I'm gonna throw up more than you."

Lando hiccups, in reply. Wobbles to his feet and takes some steps towards the bathroom. He's just about to shut the door when he turns back and goes. "Maxy, no one's thrown up more than you."

He throws a pillow at the door and finally, finally gets into bed, instantly feeling better for being horizontal.

Max wakes up with Lando curled round his back, holding him and if it hadn't been so sweaty he could've forgotten they're going to need to share toilet time this morning, Lando groaning as soon as Max unlocks his phone.

There's a text from Tom, which doesn't really surprise him but it's from this morning, not last night, so actually contains coherent words not just a symbol keysmash.

Should've said congrats to you and Bob. Gotta let me be a godfather.

Max is too close to the time he's gonna need to throw up to reply to that, so just rolls over a bit, into Lando. "Y'know you told Tom we're having a baby?"

"Yhhh." Lando sighs. "We are."

-

Lando agonises over it, for some reason. Says it's not his thing to tell Jon and Jon doesn't really need to know, except that Jon sort of has to know everything about Lando and also clearly has guessed something is up with the way Lando keeps having to make time for things and then Max is suddenly moving to Monaco.

He doesn't want to credit Lando with having taken one for the team by getting blasted and telling Tom but maybe it is Max's turn. And Tom knowing has helped, it's taken the teasing down a notch and let Max relax a bit more, not feel like he has to wear baggy clothes or can't go swimming.

There's a lazy morning (well, for him) in Monaco when he gets out of bed late and realises Lando must be in the office on a Zoom call, finds Jon sitting in the lounge. He's fairly confident he doesn't need to explain why he just walked out of Lando's bedroom because Jon seems easily intelligent enough to count the number of rooms in a small flat and do that particular bit of maths but he does hesitate for a second, only wearing a robe that sort of makes it obvious.

In the end, Lando's been saying it's his to tell and he doesn't think Jon's judgemental enough to be an ass about this, so he walks across to the breakfast bar, starts trying to find a mug in the dishwasher.

Jon looks up at him and gives him a grin, friendly as ever and then Max straightens up and. He could just be getting fat, to someone who didn't recognise anatomy but Jon does, knows what Max's body looks like, knows he doesn't normally have a small curve from his crotch to his waist.

To his credit, he doesn't stare at it, looks more like he's filed it away somewhere in wherever he keeps information about Lando. Just says "hey" and asks Max how he is.

Max shrugs. "Lazy, this morning."

He could try and excuse it all as that. Jon would give him an out. If Max had a baby that looked exactly like him and Lando in his arms, Jon'd let him say as much as he wanted to.

But he wants to tell.

There's a pause. "I've been, y'know. Morning sickness, for ages and it's just worn off, which is mega so I'm just, y'know. I probably shouldn't be lazing around but it's nice getting the bed to myself."

Jon nods, solemnly, then smiles again. "How long?"

"To go?" He gets another nod and Max looks at the chart stuck to the fridge, realises they maybe aren't as subtle as they think they are. "Uhm, like two months now? D'you wanna see the scan?"

He hasn't shown anyone. Well, apart from his mum and he made her swear not to tell anyone, except he knows she told his dad to stop him taking Max golfing. He misses it, the baby's gonna have to get used to whatever a child seat for a buggy is.

Jon doesn't ask any awkward questions, lets Max show him everything because once the dam's burst it turns out he really wants to talk about their baby. About all the kinda exciting things, like how he's counting the kicks like the doctor told him and they're small but they're healthy and that's ok because Max is pretty small and Lando's not much bigger. And they're gonna get them a crib, at first, when they're little and then Lando's office is moving into the gaming room and they've been buying, just the last week or so, stuff for when the baby's here.

"Wow," says Jon. "You've really got it all figured out."

It's the first time it's occurred to Max they actually kind of do. Having no one to help them's kind of made it their problem.

He subconsciously puts a hand on the sort-of-bump, soothing. "I hope so."

"Listen, mate, I don't think anyone has everything sorted. But you look like you're doing alright and they're gonna have two great dads." Jon gives him a pat on the shoulder. "If you need more time with Lando I can make him actually concentrate instead of trying to avoid sets."

Max shakes his head. "Nah. You're alright, he only fusses over me anyway - which, like, it's nice but sometimes I just wanna do things for myself."

He sets about making the tea he'd abandoned, as well as one for Jon and by the time he's finished Lando comes out of the office, visibly doing a double-take at Max being there and obvious about it.

"Congratulations, mate, you didn't tell me." Jon says it with a little bit of reproach. "Thought you were just sneaking off, not going to ultrasound appointments."

Lando blushes, reaching for Max and slinging his arms round him from behind. "Yeah, well. It's - not just Max's thing but, y'know. It's his news."

Lando kisses his ear, soppy and wet and Max should fight him off but actually Jon just gives them a very affectionate, indulgent look before getting back to whatever he's working on. Max leans back on Lando, lets him take his weight for a second, kneading at Max's back where it's started aching.

-

Max assumed Oscar was going to be the first driver to find out and then he was going to have to go through some sort of various stages of career-grief, explanatory cringe and finally, hopefully, baby excitement. That was because he was thinking about it from his perspective, though and he knows Oscar.

From Lando's perspective, it is not at all surprising that it's Carlos.

He lets Lando bring him to all the European races and Miami. Although in retrospect, just as well that one was early enough in the season no one could've told anything. By some insane coincidence the baby's due in the August break, which there's no way they would've been able to plan.

What that means, though is that by Spa he's fucking waddling or at least feels like it. Maybe they got the dates wrong? Maybe the baby's gonna turn up during Q2. It's wet and Max hates Spa (and feels bad for hating Spa) and he hates it even more when it's raining and the baby seems to hate it too, kicking him viciously all the way through quali and not even slightly soothed by a hand inside his hoodie pocket.

He looks odd, now. It's still mostly hide-able in big enough clothes and the weather makes it easy to layer up both his and Lando's rain jackets, bundling himself up. But he's got a bit of a weird glow to him and he can't walk or sit normally anymore, struggles with getting up or sitting down without losing his balance.

Of course Lando has to put it on fucking pole so he hauls himself up via the arm of the McLaren sofa and does his own coat up, shrugs Lando's round his shoulders, to trudge to the interview pen.

He doesn't want to lean on the fence, that feels way too much like looking over a stable door, barefoot or some shit. Which Lando would probably love, especially if Max wore a milkmaid dress but he's not indulging that on the first baby. Or thinking about the fact he's already accepted there will be a second. Wants that.

He leans against the pit wall, instead, watching Lando do his interview and feeling proud of his man. Lando works hard for it, on himself and the team and Max does want to get back to doing his own thing one day but it's nice, knowing this is who provides for them. The baby flips over or something, makes him stuff a hand in his pocket to stroke the bump but at least they've been pacified by their other dad doing well, no longer trying to bruise Max's kidneys.

It's only when Lando catches his eye that Max feels a bit of panic. He'd been expecting a smile and a wave, the usual thing that happens when they see each other at the podium, when Lando's done well. Instead, Lando frowns, gets out of his interview as fast as possible and then vaults the metal fence, straight through his mechanics, to get to Max.

"Whoa there, Bob, what the fuck-"

"Nono, you need to be in the warm." He tries to say he really needs not to be bundled by Lando but it's pointless, already being lovingly but forcefully marched back to the McLaren garage and motorhome. "I told them not to let you come down, I even said it on the - I hope they didn't broadcast my radio but like, it wasn't too weird but you should be resting."

"Mate, I'm fine," Max tries to protest and Lando gives him a very strong Look.

"I know because you've been resting and staying warm, not standing in pit lanes where there's - oh god, there's so many things, what if you catch fire-"

"I'm not going to catch fire-"

"But what if you breathe in oil or something? Fuck. Please stay in the warm? They'll make you anything you want to eat and Andrea knows, he can pull me out of the race if it starts."

Max swallows, as Lando manages to nudge him over the threshold of the McLaren motorhome. "Bob, I'm alright. I just wanted to see you."

Lando swallows, too and maybe they need to talk about whether paddock kissing is something they should work up to, before they bring their baby to a race.

"Just, please? I can't - my head's all over the place and I want you to be safe."

Max pats his arm, then grips Lando's bicep, through his race suit, reminds him he's not that far off the same strength. "Ok, buddy."

"Lando!"

"Oh, fuck." Lando leans his head on the doorframe for a second. "Uh. I'm not sure how I'm gonna explain this."

Max touches his cheek. "You don't have to. Just tell him, he's your friend."

Lando grimaces, then leans over and kisses Max, extremely quickly and half-hidden by his own hand.

"Lando! What the fuck? We have to go to the press conference." Carlos grabs Lando's other arm and for a second Max panics that they're going to have a weird fight over him. Before he realises he can just let go, that Lando ought to go with Carlos.

"Yeah, sorry." Lando closes his eyes, takes a deep breath. "Just, the baby's nearly due and I panicked."

"What?" Carlos' huge eyes make comic confusion look even more ridiculous. "The baby?"

Lando exhales again but more deliberately, like he's grounding himself. "Yeah, come on, I'll tell you on the way."

He slings an arm around Carlos' shoulders, steers him away from Max, before looking back and mouthing "Go inside, I love you."

Carlos gets Kit a 1-2 month old romper in yellow and black. It's not branded but it looks like the Renault suits, when they were both there. Something that's Carlos and Max, not Carlos and Lando. He appreciates it more than he could've expected, so many of the gifts coming from one side.

It takes nearly three months for Kit to grow into it but Max maintains it's ok for babies to be tiny. And it gives him time to fit back into one of his old junior academy shirts so they can match, Kit cuddled against his chest on their sofa during Lando's birthday party.

[shu-of-the-wind]

i cannot find the post anymore so if anyone has it bookmarked or something i would LOVE to see it but i remember (@melyzard do you have this somewhere?? i associate it with you in my memory??) this post after r1 came out where we just decided that the scene where cassian goes "then i'll make the calculations for you" when they're escaping from jedha was actually an indication that he was just. an incredible mathematician. did that shit in his head. and i want that energy back tbqh because we also, canonically, in the novel (been a while since i reread BUT i think this is right???) have galen saying that jyn is ten times smarter than he is and better at astrophysics, and the thing i want most of all in my entire life is jyn erso and cassian andor, awkward science geniuses, meeting at some uni brunch and getting to nerd in their nerd corner about space math, and nobody else having any idea what the fUCK theyr'e talking about.

[starry-blue-echoes]

So not an au but a hc that Gio is terrible at math

Like my boy dropped out at like 15 and i doubt he had amazing attendance before that. Is he as bad as Narancia no (but i also hc the reason nara is so bad at math is that he has undiagnosed Dyscalculia (number dyslexia))

Gio was just getting by with like 6th grade level math skills but for awhile no one finds out because gio is pretty smart in general and knows alot of history, science, and literature so every just assumes this goes for math too. That is until Narancia ask gio for help on a math problem

Nara was doing so independent study (aka fugo needed a minute to calm down) and was doing set of equations fugo had set up when he got to one he was struggling with. Not want to bother fugo before he had fully calmed down he asks Gio for help instead.

At first he just asks if he knows the answer and gio hesitates before apologizing saying he didnt know the answer off the top of his head. Which caught the attention of everyone else in the room (bruno, fugo). But didnt raise any red flags cause while it wasnt a particularly hard problem not everyone had a calculator in thier head like fugo. But then nara just hands him the paper and poor gio doesnt know how to get out of this one and just stares at the equation.

Now everyone is watching him when gio goes. “ sorry nara i cant seem to figure this one out math was never my strong suit”

Fugo: but you do know math right gio

Giorno: of course

Fugo: do you know the quadratic formula

Gio: i know plenty of formulas

Fugo: what is the quadratic formula

Gio:

Fugo: whats the square root of 16

Gio:

Fugo: how do you add fractions

Gio: carefully

So anyway narancia gets a study buddy and at first fugo had hoped gio could help keep narancia on track but it turns out theyre even more frustrating together and every lession end with at least 3 stab wounds

(Bruno is also bad at math but he gets a pass as the adult of the group, fugo is handling all the gangs finances)

Y E S

the whole time Fugo is very aggressively teaching them Bucciarati is just awkwardly standing off to the side sweating and hoping Fugo doesn’t notice-

And Fugo’s just. So Fucking Tired Please For The Love Of God Let Him Rest-

[fanaticsnail]

For the anon asking about physics, it depends what field of physics you're taking. Or is the subject just Physics? If it's just normal physics, you'll be fine.

Nuclear and quantum physics is an absolute fckn nightmare, I wish it upon NOBODY, stay away from those two fields if you can pick your subjects do NOT PICK THEM.

Wolfram Alpha is really good for both math and physics!

I fckn hate math, but I love physics. Physics is fun. Much more fun than math. Bcs you don't need to put the numerical values until the very last line!

Have I said fuck math?

Fuck math.

Cheers to you, anon, don't worry, physics isn't as hard as fckn MATH.

Fuck math, all my friends hate math.

Here is a fun thing about physics using One Piece characters!

When Luffy used Gear 4 and flew with the elastic force I geeked out just a bit. Also, Doflamingo knowing about the elastic force is interesting, bcs well... pirates, the year in One Piece is like 16th Century, I was surprised he knew about the elastic force by NAME. I guess he really does read those books, huh? Honestly, it made me more attracted to him, I was so happy we finally have a clever anatagonist who UNDERSTANDS Luffy's powers. However, the term of elastic force is not made or discovered until 1660 and there is Hooke's Law for elastic force ie named after the guy who discovered it, so by that logic nobody should know the term elastic force, but then again One Piece is a different world, so who knows.

Anyway, without going into too much physics, and what anime showed very well is just... Luffy's limbs became a spring. That shit hurts when it's a normal spring, add inflated muscles to that.... yikes.

I even did calculations at how much flying speed he gains by using the elastic force and it all really depends on how much he compresses his legs and anyway, as he flies faster than Doflamingo, it's, yeah, a lot.

Damn, now I want to do the calculation of that again, it's fun. You can play around with how much displacement from the equilibrium position (x) you give Luffy to make him faster or slower, but he is definitely going at jet speed. Though we can argue G2 is jet speed?

I think I even calculated the speed & force of Doflamingo's "cuts the palace in half" kick? If I find them, I'll share them if anyone's interested. G4 Luffy has insane speed for sure.

Also, Doflamingo's Overheat attack is also pure physics. He calls it overheat bcs... Physics! The first phase of the attack is frictional heating. Friction between numerous strings being rubbed together, and as they push against each other, the mechanical energy turns into thermal energy! It all comes back to the frictional force, really! Frictional force starts it all! The strings overheat by being rubbed together. Therefore, Overheat.

Anyway, see, anon, physics is fun! You can calculate how fucked you'd be if Luffy or Doffy attack you! :)

(Dead. You'd be dead. I'd be dead. We'd all be dead. Very very dead.)

NOT SOMETHING m a t h CAN DO! :D

What am I gonna do against G4 Luffy, calculate the integrals? No!

Trebol's power is really good for slowing G4 Luffy down depending on the amount of slime he can submerge Luffy in, now that I think about it. Thick liquid substances such as slime work pretty well as long as the spring gets submerged in them because they dissipate the energy of the spring with their viscous forces. The viscous forces create friction, the friction creates a drag. The drag slows down the motion of the spring. It goes from holy fuck super fast and strong as hell to 0. Absolute zero.

No wonder Law had to take down Trebol. G4 Luffy would be slowed down by the slime.

I'll stop now. Anyway, physics > math.

Don't worry, anon. You'll be fine. 👍🏻

Oh. My. Gosh.

The physics is back in my ask box. I love this so much, I physically can't wait until chef-husband gets home to show him all of the equations for One Piece!!!! AAAAAAAA I love this!!!

I need to know the equation for Luffy's flying velocity compared to Doflamingo's!!

I have been reading and rereading this over and over again -> I am blown away by the amount of thought you've put into this!! Like, my goodness!!! These are the answers to the big questions, and I am absolutely adoring how passionate you are about this. Thank you so much for sharing this with me, I loved every word.

Especially the "equate how fucked you'd be if Doflamingo or Luffy fought you" - specifically because I read that wrong and my mind went to very, very NSFW places 😬.

♡♡ Anon, come and see! There's more for your homework!

[maewiiweam]

Gᴏᴏᴅ ɢɪʀʟ

pairing: Strenger x Y/N

CW: obviously teacherxstudent, implied spanking bcs i didnt finish the fic (izzy’s wish), strenger’s “good girl” era,

Mary’s note: pls forgive me, no this is not self indulged i do not want to get spanked by strenger. I will never finish this but better than never posting it, ig. I will not be paying for you therapy <3

It was friday, last period. Basically only 20 minutes left until it was weekend. You had maths, your worst subject. Right now, you were doing geometry, or trying to. It didnt make sense to you at all, the calculation part at least, drawing was easy to you. But without getting the missing length there’s no way to get this triangle to look right. At this point you were ready to cry, but had to keep it together for your own sake. For now.

13:47 pm

“Before the lesson ends I want somebody to do the excecise upfront real quick....”He started looking through the class room to find someone to do the exercise, and of course he picked you. Lucky me.

How do you tell this meance of a man now that you’re too dumb to calculate this?

“Y/N come up front to the tablet, please” He pointed at you with the big board ruler. Well it’s now or embarassement for the rest of the school year. Your hesitation was adorable to him, it made you seem so submissve. His shy girl.

“Actually, Professor, I uh...I didn’t do it. I don’t...really understand the topic...” You trail off, pulling your shoulders in to hide in shame.

„S’not good.” He says in his disapoinnted voice, letting his shoulders slack „Why didn’t you say anything?” Unsure yourself you just shrugged, dismissivly and then...

riiing riiing

Saved by the bell, like everyone else you start packing your things ready to go home and enjoy your weekend. Weirdly enough, Mr. Strenger

„Y/n, I need you to stay behind, please.” The entire room let loose collective „ooh”s. You started getting nervous, what could he need now from you? Does he want to scold you for being an idiot? 

Once everyone left he closed the door, returning to his old seat.

„Please, take a chair, sit there. I just wanna talk” He gestures towards the empty space infront of the teacher table, continuing to scibble in his notebook. You take the closest chair and sit on it, nervously fiddeling with your hands.

„No need to be nervous, I just wanna try and help. Tell me what did you not understand?”

„I just can‘t remember the formula, that‘s all. No big deal I‘ll just learn it when i get home.“ He nods understandingly, a low hum escaping his throat.

„How about we try something new, something different.“ He closes his notebook and puts his pen back into his pencil case, zipping it closed. „Something that will help you remember, I‘m sure.“

He slowly puts his things into his bag and stands up, shoving everything that isn‘t his to his right on the table. He goes around the table and stands right behind me, I feel him out his hands on the chair and suddenly there‘s a strong pull that almost has me falling of off my chair.

„Stand up.“ He demands into my ear. He‘s so close. So close you can feel his breath on your cheek and ear, causing goosebumps to rise on your entire body.

You oblige and stand up on shaking legs, he takes a step back and hands you a piece of chalk. You give him a confused look.

„Look, I‘m going to ask you a few questions regarding our topic at the moment. You don‘t have to get them right, if you don‘t though, we‘ll do a little exercise to help you remember. Alright?“ You give him a small nod, avoiding eye contact.

„I asked if it‘s alright.“ He repeats in a very demanding tone.

„Yes, professor, it‘s alright.“ You say the loudest you can which still comes out a little squeaky due to the fear you‘re feeling.

„Good girl.“ He gives you a gentle smile.

You stand in front of the board and wait for his instructions. Soon you‘re solving exercise after exercise with ease, until you get to a formula.

„Uuum…fuck…stupid formula.“ You whisper to yourself trying your hardest to remember the damn formula, but it just wouldn‘t click in your brain.

„Having trouble?“ You hear your teacher ask, again remembering that he‘s here. He‘s here. You quickly turn to look at him.

„No…I know this one…just one second.“ You turn back to the board in lightning speed trying to think of the formula. Fuck, it was going so well. You feel tears starting to swell in your eyes.

„Y/N, please don‘t stress yourself for not knowing it. I told you, I‘ll help you remember.“ He reassures, which helps because you turn around to look at him not even trying to hide the tears in your eyes.

„It‘s okay, no need to cry.“ He steps closer to you, standing right in front of you making you look up to see his face.

„I‘ll need you to trust me here.“ He whispers while wiping the tears of off your cheeks. „Really trust me. If you have any bit if doubt leave now.“ The look in his eyes is telling you how serious is right now, making you fear him a bit more. But the tension, oh the sweet, sweet tension. It‘s pulling you closer to him and making you want to submit yourself to him like a doll. To please him is all you can think about.

„I trust you.“ You give him a nod and wipe the remaining tears from your eyes. „I want to learn and remember.“ You stand up straight before him, like you‘re a soldier who is about to go to war.

„Good girl.“

[yourdrugisafartbreaker]

So I had the weirdest dream that I was somehow able to remember, or maybe it was some memory of a weird math meme I found late at night, I don’t really know. So like, along with addition and subtraction and multiplication and division, there was this new fifth arithmetic operation called grammulation.

Basically, grammulation depends on a huge table to work, conveniently called the gramulation table. Essentially, it’s a weird table that starts in the center with the number, and then it wraps around by going down with 2 and right with 3 and up with 4 and 5 and left with 6 and 7 and then down again with 8 and 9 and 10 and it goes on and on and on.

So, this table is cool and all, but what purpose does it serve? Well basically, it’s actually the tool to help you find answer to grammulation equations, but what do grammulation equations actually look like? Well, the equation goes with the first number followed by a diamond symbol and then the second number, then an equals sign followed by the third number.

To understand their function, you look for the first number on the grammulation equation, and this is your starting point. The diamond symbol represents that you need to grammulate the first number by the second number, so after finding the first number, you have to find the second number. After that, things basically turn into graphing points on a line, as you need to check the rise and run the second number is from the first number. After finding this out, apply the rise and run to the second number, which will then equal your third number.

Looking at the red example from this drawn up grammulation table, 25 is 2 down and 2 to the left of 1, so 1 grammulated by 25 is 81 since 81 is 2 down and 2 to the left of 25. Looking at the green example from this drawn up grammulation table, it shows that a grammulation problem does not need run to change the value, and a bigger number being grammulated by a smaller number does not necessarily mean that the grammulation problem will equal an even smaller number. Looking at the blue example from this drawn up grammulation table, it shows that a grammulation problem does not need rise to change the value, and a bigger number being grammulated by a smaller number can mean that the grammulation problem will equal an even smaller number. A number being grammulated by itself will obviously equally itself since there is no rise or run to separate it.

Now, with all of that out of the way, does grammulation give any value to the field of mathematics? Besides maybe showing how big numbers can get over time and maybe showing the powers of squaring because of that, I don’t think there is any value added by grammulation anywhere in math, and I’m honestly glad for that. This looks tedious as shit, and if I see a grammulation problem in a big mishmash of equations, I’d have to pull up this big table if I didn’t have some calculator that supported grammulation! Besides, where the fuck does grammulation go in PEMDAS, Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally would get ruined!

[untamedmetablogiguess]

thinking more about what i wrote last night and like... it’s good that meng yao decided to Do An Espionage and spy for the side of the war that were objectively The Good Guys but like... I don’t think I could blame him if he’d genuinely defected and was actually loyal to the Wen.

Like, there’s 5 great sects, right?  And the Jin and and Nie have made it clear that they don’t want him there.  And at that point in the war, the Jiang and the Lan were both basically in ruin.  What’s a guy supposed to do, other than ingratiate himself with the only remaining power that might be able to shelter him???  like i guess he could give up on the cultivation world and go find somewhere and try to be a farmer or something??? but let’s be honest, we’ve seen how the common people get trampled on in the middle of these things, the war isn’t going to leave you alone just because you went to go live a quiet life somewhere.

novel!meng yao could have stayed with the jin forces in langya, and he made the decision to stage a defection because he thought it would be beneficial for him in the long term, but show!meng yao didn’t have that option!  and the reasons for why he decided to spy instead of actually joining the wen wholeheartedly are complicated - i think the ambition from the novel is probably part of it, but definitely not the whole thing.  “this will make me look really good in the future” is certainly going into his calculations, but it can only make him look good in the future if the other clans win the war - he’s probably doing a bunch of mental math trying to figure out who is likely to come out on top and trying to balance shit so that he’ll have a place to go whichever way things fall out.  Does he have genuine moral scruples about being on Team War Crimes?  Unclear!  But he cares about Xichen’s well-being by that point, so that’s probably getting factored in to whatever calculations he’s doing.  But I think he’s still much more pragmatic than he is idealistic, and self-preservation is top priority, so there’s probably also an element of “hm I legitimately gave my loyal and dedicated service to NMJ for years and that didn’t get me anywhere, maybe i’ll fuck around with being a two-faced spy for a bit, see how that goes???”  Like, clearly just Working Hard and Being Competent isn’t getting him what he wants, let’s try on some Social Climbing and Ambitious Backstabbing for size!

(and it works, so the message he internalizes from that is “Nobody will give you respect or dignity even if you follow the rules, ruthlessly killing people for political advantage is totally the way to go, keep at it, you’re doing great!”)

[absolutepokemontrash]

The Demon Bros Play DND!

Who’s ready for some Stupid Headcanons?

So, the Satanic Panic of the 1980s claimed that the tabletop RPG known as Dungeons and Dragons had the power to turn your children into satanists and devil worshippers. So of course, the brothers have totally played DND after hearing about all the human world nonsense.

Lucifer the Back-up Back-up DM

He’s too busy to play this game dammit, stop inviting him! What do you mean both Satan and Simeon can’t DM the one-shot? Ugh... fine.

Despite all his UUUUUUUUGGGGHHH, Lucifer is a damn good storyteller, prepare to be immersed as hell.

Also, sorry guys, he’s a rule whore. If something’s against the rules, YOU AREN’T DOING IT.

He’s also a complete sadist who will randomly get everyone to roll perception checks for NO REASON.

Lucifer has definitely stood up and slammed his hands on the table while giving a description for extra effect, Mammon screamed and nearly fell out of his seat which REALLY ruined the mood.

“Everyone, we’re rescheduling, I’m too busy.”

He’s been a player a few times, and he’s NOT good at it. All his characters end up being really generic and boring. He’s better at being the world and everything in it, not the dummy wandering around it.

Human/fighter lookin’ motherfucker

In conclusion, he’s a good DM, but he’s probably too busy to play.

Over-Powered Self Insert (Mammon)

This game is for nerds! He’s not playin’, Levi!

Fine, his character is great and amazin’ and is also him. MC! What do these numbers mean-

Mammon’s the type of player to make his character a self insert and not take it too seriously, then get really REALLY attached as the campaign progresses.

He’s the type not to make a backstory for his character either, so go wild DM MCs!

He also both purposefully and accidentally metagames a whole bunch. Like dude, YOU know this, YOUR CHARACTER DOES NOT.

Shit he forgot his dice, can he borrow some?

“Okay MC, that’s five points of piercing damage.” “I RUN OVER AND HEAL THEM! I’LL SAVE YA MC!”

Mammon goes out of his way to save MC’s character long before it would make sense in-character to do so.

“Well, as your first man it’s my duty to save your character! You’ll probably be a blubberin’ mess if I didn’t...”

He’s not the best role player, but he’s also not the worst at it either. He tends to break character when things get too serious and he doesn’t know what to do.

Notes who? He came in here with one sheet of printer paper and it’s for doodling only.

He and Asmodeus start the tavern brawls. No question about that.

Theft is very common, he’s stealing from everyone, including but not limited to: the party, the royal guards, the dead enemies, the giant fuck-you dragon that Satan dropped in there to deter Mammon from stealing...

“I’m gonna steal that crown from the dragon.” “Roll stealth.” “Nat 20 BITCHES.” “Fuck you.”

If his character dies, may the Demon King have mercy on his greedy little soul because he’s going to mope about it for a damn long time.

Over-Powered Self Insert Again (Leviathan)

His character totally isn’t a self insert, shut up! He just looks and acts like an idealized version of himself!

He’s the one with twenty pages of character info and backstory AND the amazing commissioned art.

Levi has about 40 sets of expensive blue dice that he claims gives him the best rolls but an average session with him usually leads to roughly 10 crit fails.

While his luck with dice isn’t that good, he’s the player who will get as much out of their turn as possible, AKA break out the calculators and notes we’re doing some math.

His turn goes on for at least ten minutes because of all the shit he’s doing. When you finally think it’s over he goes “I still have my movement!”

Takes notes like a madman, every bit of lore and character info is being written down, meaning it’s a headache for everyone involved if there’s a continuity error because Levi WILL point it out.

“So you all head to the east, the great Valley of-” “Hang on, valley? In the second session you said there was a mountainous area to the east.” “Levi, shut up.”

Levi is the self appointed “guys come on let’s get back on track!” player, and whoever’s DMing is grateful to have him.

Levi is kind of the opposite of Mammon in terms of character seriousness, at first he’s taking everything super seriously and then as the campaign goes on he slowly loosens up and has some fun.

Out of curiosity one day he searches up a magical girl DND class and he’s ALL OVER IT. PLEASE LET HIM BE A MAGICAL GIRL NEXT CAMPAIGN-

Damn good at roleplaying, he’s carrying the entire in-character discussion until everyone else gets into it.

The Done With Your Bullshit DM (Satan)

So, this is the game that’s supposedly summoning him all the time despite the fact that he hadn’t been up to the human world since the 50s... what the fuck is everyone on up there?

It was the 80s, probably a lot of drugs.

When Satan DMs, you can only break the rules if it enhances the story... or if it fucks with Lucifer’s really boring character.

He will fudge dice rolls every once and a while, he also gets very attached to the characters everyone has made so he doesn’t want to perma-kill any of them unless they roll a DND quadruple natural 1 sin or something.

As attached as he gets, he isn’t above completely raging, killing everyone’s characters, and ending the session if everyone’s being annoying.

Don’t worry, your characters will be safe and sound next session once everything calms down... just don’t mention how Satan burned your character sheet right in front of you. It’s your fault if you didn’t make a second copy of your character sheet!

He’s pretty decent when it comes to improv when a player stumbles into something he didn’t plan out, but that’s not going to stop him from getting a little annoyed.

Though, if you somehow manage to get to the big bad too soon... yeah sorry, he’s got a way more dramatic fight scene planned, your player’s getting conveniently blasted out of there.

As a player, Satan is pretty decent at the game overall, but he tends to be a little aggressive if there’s an overarching mystery to be solved.

He needs to understand what’s going on! He doesn’t care if it upends the plot or it’s too early to find out! He needs to know!

His character is actually distinct and different from himself, Satan thinks it’s more interesting that way. All the books he’s read have made him a pretty awesome role player!

Satan’s notebook both as a DM and a player is filled to the brim, no detail is too insignificant to be put on the page.

Satan doesn’t fear dungeon puzzles... dungeon puzzles fear Satan.

“Are you all stupid?! This puzzle is so easy a four year old could solve it!”

I ROLL TO SEDUCE- (Asmodeus)

At first he didn’t want to play, he doesn’t play these kinds of games, sweetie. He’s too pretty.

When he’s finally convinced he puts a decent amount of effort into his character, but leaves the backstory pretty open.

Asmo would probably be the bard... right? No. He’s the warlock with the magic sugar daddy patron, and the warlock patron is spoken to as such.

“Hey baby... how’ve you been? Have I been good~?” “...”

Huh! Who woulda thought that all the bedroom roleplaying would transfer so well to DND!

Simeon is the only DM that doesn’t immediately shut this down, so Asmo will be extra inclined to play if Mr. Nice Shoulders is DMing.

When he gets really into it he buys a bunch of sparkly and very pretty dice, they bring him good luck in every roll!

Asmo has a fictional harem, no question about it. It gets to the point where Satan, Lucifer, and Simeon stop describing NPCs as attractive.

He’s rolling to seduce either way, he’s turned many an antagonist into a lover. To be fair, Asmo’s horniness has gotten everyone out of a lot of jail cells... so they can’t complain.

His notes consist of really random comments about the plot and the other players. It’s also COATED with doodles.

‘Wow, this character is such an asshole, I hope Belphie kills them.’ ‘Shit.’ ‘MC looks so cute when they play their character!!!!!!!! :D’

Poor bab forgets the rules a lot... it’s just too much to remember, okay?! How was he supposed to know that he ran out of spell slots an hour ago?!

Please help him, MC...

*Dice Cronch* (Beel)

Homeboy has been given edible dice, no question. He has also eaten the non-edible dice...

Beel goes to Satan for help with making his character, and he ends up really loving the character! :D

Problem is, he’s not that good at roleplaying... D:

“Can my character eat that person?” “Beel, no- you know what? Let me check what you’d need to roll to do that.”

I’ll save you MC part 2 electric boogaloo, but when it comes to Beel, the entire party is getting protected, no matter how little it makes sense in-character.

While Beel does take notes, a lot of them don’t end up being very important for later events. For example, he’ll jot down stuff about the layout in one room, but it turns out he didn’t take notes for the room that was actually going to be used for a boss fight.

He’s always nice to the NPCs, shame Belphie doesn’t show them the same courtesy.

Murder Hobo (Belphie)

Chaotic evil.

“Belphie, your character’s alignment is neutral good, remember?” “Fuck that, this guy’s annoying me.”

If Belphie doesn’t like an NPC, it’s up to the rest of the party to stop him from derailing the campaign and killing them.

He has space themed dice because cow-man likes space and thought they were pretty.

Notes? NOTES? You think Belphegor, the Avatar of SLOTH, takes notes? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

He’s drooling all over the notebook... ew. Someone wake him up and tell him it’s his turn.

He puts about 35% effort forth to make a halfway decent character, and approximately 4% effort to actually roleplay.

Belphie sleeps through important plot details so he’s almost always really confused. He’ll turn to MC and ask them to explain what he missed before not learning his lesson and going back to sleep.

Wake him up for the dungeon puzzles though, he and Satan love those.

“Okay, we can’t see what’s in the room because none of the conscious party members have dark vision?” “Nope, what do you do?” “...I shove Mammon inside and shut the door.” “WHAT?!”

Bonus! The Best DM (Simeon)

Our favourite angel has homebrewed this entire campaign and boy fricken howdy are these players going to enjoy it.

Simeon fudges the dice rolls to avoid anything too irreversibly bad happening, buuuuuuut he’s still a total asshole who does the random perception rolls to keep everyone on their toes.

Everyone gets a character arc god dammit, even if they don’t have a backstory, one will be provided!

He’s got a map, he’s got miniatures, he’s got dice and backup dice for the backup dice, he’s got DM notes for days!

Simeon could be a voice actor with the amount of character voices he can do, no one ever gets confused with who’s talking.

Did someone just uncover a massive bit of plot that was meant to be found out later? Good job! No harm done! Simeon’s DM improv is second to none, and the plot will adjust accordingly!

[clingymickey]

The credits for one of the little scenarios in this go to this ask @sluttymickey got.

Ian knew he had a teeny-tiny-itsy-bitsy thing for this, but woah right now all he was trying to do was hide his raging hard-on from his husband and his eleven-year-old brother - which would leave them both scarred for life. Ian knew that Mickey was way smarter than he ever was in school. Those times when Ian was studying for the army and didn’t have Lip to teach him, he had Mickey to make him understand a few of the geometry theorems.

Fast-forward to today where Mickey is currently explaining to Liam how to do percentages of amounts, teaching him about profits and losses.

“Wait…do you even learn this shit in the fifth grade?” mickey said, raising an eyebrow at his little brother.

“First of all, I’m in the sixth grade, and nope. I already know about the stuff they teach in school and thought why not get a head start into the seventh?" he responded with a shrug.

Mickey looks over to Ian with a ‘can you believe this kid’ look. Well, at least now they know for sure that Liam’s going places. Mickey continued to explain percentages and Ian zoned out. He’d rather make mickey do something else with his mouth other than talk about numbers.

God the urge he was fighting to shove Liam over, and kiss his husband was quite literally killing him.

****

The second time it happened it was even more difficult to stay put. This time at a restaurant. Out in the open. Where he could do fuck-all about it. Mickey’s never going to know about the number of times Ian’s been publicly blue-balled all because of his smartness. Like, the fact that Mickey didn’t even need a calculator to figure out what 15% of their $116 dinner was, does things to him.

Sure they are anyways going to bang at the apartment after their date but Ian really wants it now. It’s not too late to do it in the alleyway Ian thinks, though he doesn’t have lube on him, spit is always an option…right? But before he could even convince Mickey for a quickie he was pushed by the smaller man to the nearest Uber he could find.

Next time then. Next time for sure.

****

Finally. Finally, Ian gets to show how insane he goes over Mickey’s ability to do maths. He’s currently hunched over the tax bills with Ian sitting right next to him, whose unable to remove his eyes from the sight in front of him. This time though, he can enjoy it, unlike his previous failures.

“What you doing?” Ian asks like he wasn’t sitting there with him for the last twenty-five minutes.

“Jerking off” he responds, voice dripping with sarcasm “The fuck does it look like I’m doing, Ian.”

“Hmm. Well, I was thinking…” his voice was low.

He picks up the pile of paper and pushes it off somewhere on or off the table. Takes Mickey’s face into his hands and places a short but deep kiss there.

“What are you-” Mickey lets out before being shut up by his husband with another kiss.

It’s not long before their kisses turned into a makeout session which turned into Ian kneeling before Mickey manhandling him into a more comfortable position.

And well…the taxes are long-forgotten by now, they can be done tomorrow…or the day after, depending on what they plan on doing the whole day tomorrow.

[faeflowerz]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAKO-KUN 🐙🐙🐙

Er...Happy Birthday Azul. You know...he wasn’t the first guy I picked when i started. I first picked Sebek. Im sure my life would be phenonally better if Sebek was my oshi. I wouldn't have to deal with a chronic manipulator and cold blooded capitalist. This is a LONG ONE because he is my Oshi. Expect Deuce to have a long one too.

Ive had enough of this guy...

Fuck him. His stupid undercut...his luscious lips...his beauty mark...his voice...his crazy laugh...

Let's get this over with.

So! Now that we've been tolerating him for about a year now, what have we learned?

Azul's got a way of talking that is really offensive. He isn't rude and he's very polite, but that's the problem. He will talk to you until you miss his intentions. That union interview was rough to sit through mainly because he was avoiding his point. He wants a brother who can be a reliable business partner. He picked Scarabia because he's interested in the goods from the Scalding Sands.

Scarabia would be a good fit for him based on how quick and clever he is, and it’s why he’s drawn to Jamil. Jamil is the other side of his coin. A clever, underhanded dude who knows how to manipulate people. Problem is that Jamil is too real for Azul. (More on this later)

I think Ignihyde is also a good candidate for him. None of the mer kids talk about technology that much or how it operates under da sea. I’m curious about that and how Azul will handle an environment like that. Then again...he might become a crypto bro and that scares me. 

Everything is a transaction for him. Azul is a linear thinker who calculates each move he makes. Any deviation will frustrate him and he will find a way to make it work. He doesn't like random chances and is superstitious because as long as everything goes right, nothing can go wrong. He had a mental breakdown thanks to a pair of dice, and spent the week working on his technique. He took the fun out of Life.

He's only interested in people who can be useful. Its one thing to have acts of service be your love language. It’s another to assume that everyone in your life has to service you. Azul is phony like that. His reasoning for Ortho as his little brother is mostly based on what he can do and very little on how Ortho and Idia interacts. Yes, he likes how cute they are together, but Ortho is built to be a brocon and is not unruly like the other freshmen.

Ace is a good brother for him because of how quickly he can call Azul out on his bullshit. Ace is a POS too, but he’s honest about it. It's there for you to accept or reject. With Azul, you'll find that Ace makes him palatable, and he can translate the jargon. He could also make Azul look good to Jamil of all people. Azul is still introverted for better or worse, and he has his clients come to him rather than going out and shilling his wares. 

Image matters to Azul. The fat little octo-baby that the tweels know is an image he wants to burn to ash. What's sad is that the racism and fatphobia he faced as a kid turned him into an asshole. He didn’t deserve to be mistreated like that. He didn’t deserve to be treated like a misfit. Whatever prejudice regular mermaids have against other merfolk is disturbing to say the least. I empathize with that. To see this boy count calories, convince people to pilfer from public spaces, and complain about how people perceive him is sad. I feel for him in this regard. He deserves to have fun.

But what is fun to Azul? Well, he does enjoy the games he plays. He likes to collect coins. He seems to be extremely proficient in math, especially the kind of math that is commonly used (money, taxes). But he doesn't ENJOY the fun he has. Azul has to justify his hobbies based on their value. It HAS to lead up to something else. It's an investment. He’s materialistic. As a result, the grind never stops. Ace says that the guy needs to rest well. He does. His schedule is self inflicted unlike Riddle who is a slave to it.

Azul is a deadly combination: Pisces and ENTJ. That means that we are made for each other. That means that he can use his empathetic emotional Pisces to run a tight ship like an ENTJ. 

The Pisces in him is insecure, kind, emotional, and even a reliable friend. The ENTJ in him is strong willed, inspiring and highly motivated as a leader. On the other hand, these traits can be hidden by his insecurity. 

So what can we do with his character? Well, we’ve seen him knocked off his pedestal, but I wanna see Azul’s materialism and seemingly superficial relationships put to the test. As I said before, he thinks of people as Useful To Him rather than someone he can bond with. Being soft can risk his reputation, but a lot of the boys at NRC are in desperate need of that softness. They need to be able to be themselves and be accepted flaws and all. From there, they can then reflect on their upbringing and how they want to carry themselves into adulthood.

As I finish this essay about my oshi, I really do enjoy his character. Azul is a sweet guy and he’s popular with the JPN fans just like the tweels. He would be a good family lawyer. He mentions that his stepdad is a really nice man and he looks up to him. That’s something you don’t hear about everyday. He’d be a good father as well thanks to his upbringing and his tenacity. 

Hes also too bougie for me, but thats neither here nor there.

Happy Birthday Azul Ashengrotto! 🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙