#good to know sam has regained control of the vessel

[squirrellypoo]

Sam Reid, struggling with the question "Live Theatre or Film" (x)

[jadelotusflower]

Stargate rewatch: 1x21 Within the Serpent's Grasp

We’re back in tarp city, quite a circle back to the pilot.

Daniel sans glasses once again, urging the team to go through the gate to the address he got in the AU. Jack still doesn’t believe him and Sam is concerned about a court martial, but Teal’c is immediately on board.

“In the other reality by the time I left Sara was dead, Carter your whole family was dead, hell I was dead, everyone was dead.” Interesting that Daniel specifically mentions Sara here, I wonder if the Jack/Sara relationship was something they were considering revisiting at some point.

The first use (I think) of the black BDUs by the team.

Is Daniel wearing contacts? At least in the earlier scene he had his glasses hooked on his shirt. I realise I’m harping on this but there doesn’t seem to be any continuity to Daniel’s vision.

Story by James Crocker (his only Stargate credit), teleplay by Jonathan Glassner, directed by David Warry-Smith.

Our first use of the Zat’nik’tel - unpopular opinion maybe but I love the Zats, they become somewhat of a crutch as an all purpose stun gun rather than the “extreme pain” they’re introduced as inflicting, but that’s how it goes.

Jack, Daniel, and Sam being floored by the ship accelerating but not Teal’c is a nice touch.

It’s Ferretti! Confirmation that he took over from Kawalsky leading SG-2. I always liked Ferretti, it’s a shame he wasn’t more of a supporting/recurring character in the show. In fact I don’t think we see him again after this episode? He’s off to get into prosthetics on Andromeda.

Some continuity issues with what Teal’c knows about the Ha’tak vessels in this episode compared to later on - his knowledge/experience really is dictated by the episode requirements.

The Jaffa turn on the big ol’ silver ball of communication and Apophis dials in to introduce his son Klorel. It’s a bit of a retcon from the pilot but I discuss my headcanon explanation in that episode writeup.

Daniel shifting into rage mode at seeing Apophis.

Also lol at everyone in their beanies but Jack. RDA really said nope, caps only for O’Neill, no exceptions.

The discussion the team has about whether to try and capture Klorel/rescue Skarra is actually a nice mirror of the one they have in The Nox - Jack and Daniel, being emotionally invested, are keen to do it despite the risk and are quick with justifications (Jack - it would be a strategic advantage, Daniel - they could try and reach Skaara), Teal’c supports them with his own tactical logic, while Sam appropriately questions the plan and makes sure there’s a contingency.

It’s part of why they make such a good team - each of them bring a different skillset and pov to each situation, and they have the respect for each other to talk it through.

Sam and Daniel plant the C4, and apparently Daniel’s glasses were clipped to his shirt after all, because he takes them out and puts them in a vest pocket for some reason.

For Daniel's snark about "uploading a virus to the mothership" the previous episode, it's kind of lol that their solution ends up being just blowing up the mothership - uploading a virus in the form of explosives.

Jack and Teal’c actually nab Klorel pretty easily in the end - it’s holding onto him that’s the problem.

“He is my father. He seeded the queen mother. He chose the host in which I will live out eternity. Apophis gave me life.” I suppose we’re meant to assume Amaunet is the queen in question but I really wish they’d done more with the familial relationships - both of the Goa’uld and human sides.

Alexis Cruz gives a great performance as Klorel, really pushing Jack’s buttons.

After Jack shoots him with the Zat, Skaara calls for both Sha’re and Daniel 🥺

Skaara is able to maintain a degree of influence over Klorel even when he regains control - afteraffects of the zat, Skaara’s strength, or because Klorel is a young Goa’uld not yet experienced in controlling a host? Perhaps all three.

Klorel gets Daniel in the hold of the ribbon device (but of course!), and Jack has to make the agonising decision to shoot Skaara to save Daniel’s life.

I mean, if I had a nickel every time a member of SG-1 has to shoot one of Daniel’s family to stop the Goa’uld that possesses them from killing him with the ribbon device…

Maybe it’s not that weird it happened twice, since Jonathan Glassner also wrote Forever in a Day.

“O’Neill, you must take action!” Why doesn’t Teal’c take action? Someone run over there and tackle Klorel instead of standing around watching Daniel’s brain get fried!

But of course it has to be Jack - Jack who brushed by Daniel in the pilot to greet Skaara, but has grown closer to Daniel since he joined SG-1; they started out only united by a common goal (find Sha’re and Skaara) but have started to develop a real bond. It’s the emotional climax not only of the episode, but the whole season in forcing Jack to chose between the lives of his surrogate son and his comrade and friend.

Added to this is the trauma of Jack being forced to stop Skaara with a gun - Charlie died in part due to Jack’s negligence around his gun, but Jack actively had to shoot Skaara here and that’s heartbreaking.

A nice mirror to the end of the last episode, with our team staring down at the Stargate framed by the control room of the SGC, and now they're staring down at Earth framed by the Pel'Tak.

[bing-bang-bingo]

- 4x3: c. 40:00 Cas comforts Dean after Mary makes a deal w/ Azazel

- 4x7: 15:50 Dean stops Sam from shooting Cas, then Sam mentions that he’s “heard a lot about him”

- 4x7: 39:00 Cas tells Dean he prayed he’d save the town, then he tells him about his doubts and Deans future troubles

- 4x10 & ???: Dean calls “last night on Earth” his best line. He uses this line on Cas

- 4x10: 27:15 “Castiel has this weakness. He likes you.”

- 4x10: 32:50 Cas looking jealous and sad when Dean kisses Anna

- 4x16: 7:30 Cas tells Dean he got in trouble for showing emotion and getting to close to Dean. 8:20 “I would give anything not to have you do this”

- 4x16: 39:00 Cas warns Dean to be careful while Dean is in the hospital, they discuss the first seal and saving Dean from hell

- 4x18: 31:30 Cas tells Dean how to save Sam from Lilith even though he’s not allowed to interfere

- 4x20: 38:00 Deans face when Cas tells him he “learned his lesson when he was in heaven”

- 4x22: 30:40 Cas considers rebelling for Dean. 33:00 He does. 35:20 He fights multiple Archangels for Dean

- 5x1: 5:45 Dean denies Cas’ death 8:25 “I learned that from my friend Cas you son of a bitch”

- 5x1: 31:00 Cas saves Sam and Dean from Zach

- 5x3: 6:10 Cas-“I need your help because your the only one who will help me”

- 5x3: 10:20 Dean fixes Cas’ tie and jacket

- 5x4: 38:50 “Don’t Ever Change”

- 5x8: 38:20 Dean makes Gabriel bring Cas back, then makes sure he’s okay

- 5x13: ?:?? Cas won’t let Dean meet with Anna because it’s not safe

- 5x17: 30:30 Cas and Dean discuss what it’s like to have a deadbeat dad

- 5x18: 25:15 Cas kicks Deans ass for trying to sacrifice himself

- 5x21: 3:50 Cas and Dean bickering like and old married couple then Cas gives Dean a heartfelt apology.

- 6x17: 18:55 “No you’re confusing me with the other angel, the one in the dirty trench coat who is in love with you.”

- 6x17: 38:00 Sam: “So you killed 50,000 people for us?” Cas: *looks at Dean*

- 6x19: 25:20 Bobby reassures Cas that they’ll be back soon, Cas acts like a worried and disappointed wife.

- 6x19: 36:25 Cas yelling “Dean!” when Eve bites him

- 6x19: 40:00 Dean is the only one who doesn’t think Cas is working with Crowley (he’s wrong but it’s sweet)

- 6x20: 4:50 Dean v v worried, “But Cas you’ll call right? If you get into real trouble?”

- 6:30 Crowley implies that Cas is distracted by Dean and tells him he reeks of the Impala.

- 7:20 Cas says that Dean taught him how to care and what to care about. Then Cas saves Sam (for Dean)

- 13:15 Cas says that the worst part of working with Crowley (basically his sworn natural enemy) is that it hurt Dean and that he hated lying to him.

- 25:20 Cas refuses to ask Dean for help because he has “sacrificed too much” even though it means Cas could die.

- 26:00 Crowley tells Cas he has a way for everyone to get a happy ending “with all possible entendres intended” while Cas stares longingly at Dean.

- 33:00 Dean is close to tears when he learns that Cas is working with Crowley, Cas says he did it to protect Dean.

- 35:25 “Dammit Cas we can fix this!” “Dean it’s not broken!” He then tells the boys to run from the demon cloud and Dean gives him the saddest look in the world before being forced to leave him behind.

- 38:00 Cas watches Dean sleep. “I’m doing this for you Dean. I’m doing this because of you!”

- 6x21: 22:40 “I do everything you ask. I always come when you call and I am your friend. Still despite your lack of faith in me and now your threats I’ve just saved you yet again. Has anyone but your closest kin ever done more for you?”

- 6x22: Dean to Cas- “Don’t make me lose you, too.”

- 7x2: 5:35 Dean nearly cries on screen when he thinks Cas is dead

- 7x17: Cas says “I remember ~you~” as soon as he regains his memories.

- 7x17: Cas ask why Dean didn’t tell him all the horrible things Cas did. Parallels the conversation Karen and Dean had about telling Bobby she remembered him killing her and her telling Dean that he had never been on love before.

- 7x21: The face Dean makes when he sees Cas again plus the prolonged eye contact when Cas says Deans name.

- 7x21: Hester telling Dean that when Cas first saved him from Hell he was lost- parallels- Lucifer/Jess saying she was dead the moment she met Sam.

- 7x23: 8:50 “Go ask him. He was your boyfriend first.” Meg to Dean about Cas

- 7x23: 32:45 “I’m sorry but I’d rather have you, cursed or not.”

- 7x23: 36:50 Cas steps in to protect Dean despite spending the whole season avoiding fighting and saying he won’t fight.

- 8x2: 25:00 Cas ran away to keep the Leviathans away from Dean. Dean refuses to leave purgatory without Cas.

- 8x7: 20:30 Deans reaction to seeing Cas all cleaned up.

- 8x7: Dean convinced himself that it was his fault Cas was still in purgatory because he’s a sweet idiot boy who hates himself

- 8x7: 35:00 The whole Dean and Cas conversation about purgatory and Cas doing stuff that puts him in danger.

- 8x8: 12:30 Cas just casually going through Deans stuff and Dean not saying anything.

- 8x8: 13:00 Cas offering to watch over Dean while he slept

- 8x8: 15:15 Dean talks to Cas about feelings and heaven even though Dean hates talking about feelings.

- 8x17: Cas fights Naomi’s mind control for Dean

- 8x23: 22:50 Dean and Cas sadly discuss Cas closing the doors of heaven and say goodbye

- 9x1: Dean prays to Cas and tells him he isn’t mad about the angels falling.

- 9x1: Cas’ first instinct is to explain himself to Dean then to come help him.

- 9x1: Dean begs Cas to “for once, look out for yourself.”

- 9x3: 36:45 Dean to Cas after Cas came back from the dead “Don’t you ever do that again!”

- 9x6: Literally just Dean trying desperately the whole episode to hang out with Cas

- 9x10: 26:00 Dean and Cas talk about how Cas is doing and Dean offers him a rare sincere apology. Plus the “I prefer the term ‘trusting’. Less dumb, less ass.” dialogue

- 9x18: Cas’ little smile when Dean makes a joke about Honor Bars and Cas is just so happy to hear his voice.

- 9x18: Metatron’s illusion of Gabriel calls Cas Dean’s boy-toy

- 9x18: Cas can tell something is wrong with Dean, then Cas yells at Dean about getting the Mark of Cain

- 9x22: Cas chooses Dean over all of Heaven once again

- 9x22: The Cas and Dean conversation about the three of them being enough when an army wasn’t and Cas giving up an army all for Dean

- 9x23: “I’m blaming you for taking Cas’ grace.”

- 10x1: 5:00 Cas about Dean- “I miss him.”

- 10x2: 9:00 Cas’ reaction to learning that Dean is a demon

- 10x3: The conversation between Dean and Cas at the end of the episode. “You look terrible” “You on the other hand, your looking good.”

- 10x5: Deans reaction to Cas and Dean actors hugging and holding hands

- 10x5: “Put as much sub into that text as you possibly can.” *looks directly at fake Cas*

- 10x9: 15:00 Cas tells Dean he’s a good role model. Then asks him if he’s okay and when Dean lies and says he is he pushes it further. Dean makes Cas promise to kill him if he goes Dark

- 10x22: Dean and Cas fight and parallel Cain and his Wife.

- 10x23: Dean sees Cas’ bloody face in the mirror

- 11x1: Cas being more worried about Dean than himself even though Cas is under a spell that will kill him.

- 11x2: Dean calling Cas and stressing out when he doesn’t answer

- 11x3: Dean trying to coax Cas out of the attack dog spell, refusing to fight back when Cas was attacking, freaking out when Cas took a minute to wake up, refusing to let Cas heal him (because he “had it coming”), and refusing to let Cas apologize (because “there’s nothing to apologize for”).

- 11x10: “Dean, I came as soon as you called.” Also: “Stick your tongue out.” Dean-*does*

- 11x11: Dean realizing that something is wrong with Cas (while he is possessed by Lucifer)

- 11x11: Mildred says that Dean is pining for someone else(probably meant to be a reference to Amara, but she told him this after he had seen Cas for the first time in a few days.)

- 11x14: The sadness on Deans face when he realizes Cas is Lucifer and then his determination to save Cas

- 11x15: Dean getting kinda dark when he talks about what he’s willing to do to save Cas and he prioritizes saving Cas over bearing Amara.

- 11x17: Dean once again prioritizing saving Cas over saving the world. Sam reassuring Dean that they’ll save Cas (even though Dean didn’t say anything about what was upsetting him)

- 11x17: The camera zooming in on Dean after Michelle says that there is no normal after losing the man you love.

- 11x18: Dean refuses to put Lucifer in the cage or let him fight Amara while using Cas as his vessel.

- 11x18: The difference in the way Dean looks at Lucifer vs at Cas

- 11x18: Dean about Cas: “Lets go find that idiot and bring him home.”

- 11x19: Dean has been looking for leads non stop for a week since Amara took Cas

- 11x21: Amara uses Cas’s heart to find Dean, then shows Dean images of Cas beaten and bloodied to convince him to turn against Chuck

- 11x23: Dean’s face when he realizes Cas is back and Lucifer is gone.

- 11x23: Dean tells Cas he isn’t stupid and that he always helps

- 11x23: Cas: “Dean are you okay? How do you feel?”

- 11x23: Cas hugging Dean super tight before he goes off to die. Dean entrusting his life’s purpose (look after Sam) then thanking him for everything.

- 12x1: Cas seeing that Dean is alive and hugging him while his voice breaks.

- 12x1: Cas taking the job Dean have him very seriously

- 12x2: Dean adorably venting to Cas about his mommy-issues

- 12x3: Dean- “Morning sunshine want some coffee.” Cas- “No thank you.”

- 12x7: “Well at least I don’t look like a lumberjack.” They are such husbands

- 12x7: “Engaged in what Cas? killing you?”

- 12x8: Cas being so worried about what happened to Sam and DEAN that Kelly escaped.

- 12x9: Mary-“You left them!” Cas- *voice breaking* “Dean told me to go!” Also, just Cas looking so hard for them.

- 12x9: Cas blaming himself for Sam and Dean being taken

- 12x9 Cas knowing how long the boys have been gone down to the hour.

- 12x9: Cas’s voice and eyes when he hears Dean’s voice on the phone.

- 12x9: Cas killing Billie because “You mean too much to me” and “The world needs as many Winchesters as it can get.”

- 12x10: Poor Sam having to deal with Cas and Dean while they fight like an old married couple.

- 12x10: Dean immediately telling Ishim to go to hell when he insults Cas

- 12x10: Sam telling Dean to go to Cas when Dean thought Cas was in trouble

- 12x10: Cas immediately believing Dean about Ishim even though they’re mad at each other. Dean about to let Ishim kill him to save Cas.

- 12x10: Ishim comparing Dean and Cas’s relationship to Ishims relationship with his human lover, then saying he was going to cut Cas’s human weakness

- 12x11: “And Cas is my best friend.”

- 12x12: Dean about Cas- “My shy but devastatingly handsome friend here...”

- 12x12: Dean stressing out and voice breaking as he tries to comfort poisoned Cas

- 12x12: LITERALLY TOLD DEAN THAT HE LOVED HIM WHILE CAS WAS DYING

- 12x12: *looking at Dean* “I love you.” Then adds “I love all of you”

- 12x12: Cas- “Run.” Dean- “Cas, no.”

- 12x12: The look Dean gives Cas when he won’t stop staring at him after he’s healed.

- 12x14: Dean says some very harsh stuff to Mary after finding out the reason they Cas almost died at the lake house was because Mary was working for the British Men of Letters

- 12x15: Dean could tell something was up with Cas after talking to him for less than a minute, over the phone.

- 12x18: Sam trying to make Dean feel better about not hearing from Cas.

- 12x19: Dean literally always acting like a scorned wife when Cas comes back after long periods of time

- 12x19: Dean made Cas a mixtape

- 12x19: Cas- “I ~needed~ to came back here with a win for you.”

- 12x19: Cas- *gesturing between Dean and himself* “You mean... we?” Dean- “Yes, dumbass, we.”

- 12x23: Dean screaming for Cas when he attacks Lucifer and trying to chase after him forcing Sam to drag Dean back through the rift. A direct parallel to Dean pulling Sam away from Jess and the fire in Pilot

- 12x23: Dean kneeling next to Cas’s dead body looking up at the sky completely devastated.

- 13x1: Dean couldn’t bring himself to say dead when referring to Cas

- 13x1: Dean PRAYED to GOD to bring Cas back

- 13x1: “We just lost ~everything~. And now you’re gonna bring ~him~ back.”

- 13x1: Dean personally wrapping Cas’s body and giving him a hunters funeral.

- 13x1: The look of complete devastation on Dean’s face when he burns Cas’s body.

- 13x3: Dean refusing to help save Jack because he blames him for manipulating Cas and getting him killed.

- 13x4: The Empty to Cas: “I know what you love, what you fear. There is nothing for you back there.” He loves Dean and Cas fears that Dean doesn’t love him back.

- 13x5: Sam being worried about Dean who has given up all hope since Cas died.

- 13x5: Dean being so distressed thinking Cas is gone forever that he tries to kill himself

- 13x5: Dean seeing Cas alive again and they both have tears in their eyes.

- 13x6: Dean hugging Cas and saying he’s been gone for “too damn long”

- 13x6: Dean being immediately happier and nicer to everyone once Cas is back

- 13x6: Cas saying “Yes. Yes, he does” (in response to Jack saying Dean really likes cowboys) with the tone of an exhausted spouse.

- 13x6: “I told you, he’s an angry sleeper. Like a bear.”

- 13x6: Dean made Cas watch Tombstone with him.

- 13x6: Dean and Cas dresses like cowboy husbands.

- 13x6: Cas saying “I’m your huckleberry” to Dean in a deep accent and Dean looking away.

- 13x6: Their undercover names are Russel and Kilmer

- 13x14: The whole scene where Cas and Dean fight Gog/Magog and act like an old married couple.

- 13x14: The angry, dark look Cas gives Donatello when he tries to kill Dean

- 13x16: “Dean has him by the thigh!” Cas, jealously: “He ~what~?”

- 13x16: “and that includes the Cartwright twins.” Cas, again jealously: “what did you do with the Cartwright twins?”

- 13x19: Cas angrily confronting Naomi about forcing him to kill a bunch of Dean clones.

- 13x21: Cas secretly sliding Dean more pizza when Mary and Sam left the room.

- 13x21: Cas having to hold Dean back from going after Sam. Dean would have beat the shit out of anyone else who tried to stop him.

- 13x23: Cas trying to stop Dean from giving himself to Michael even if it meant losing Sam AND Jack

- 13x23: Cas sitting alone in the bum jet with tears in his eyes after Dean left

- 14x1: Demon: “How is it you lost Dean. I thought you two were joined at the... everything.”

- 14x1: Dean trying to save Cas from Lucifer then vs Cas trying to save Dean from Michael now

- 14x3: The look that Dean and Cas give each other when Dean comes home.

- 14x9: Cas almost being happy seeing Dean happy. And then having to force himself to not be happy so he doesn’t die.

- 14x12: Cas being phased at Dean for wanting to put himself in the box with Michael forever

- 14x14: Cas is the only Dean will let talk to him about Michael and be honest about how Dean feels

- 14x14: “No, it’s on us.”

- 14x14: Cas’s voice breaking when he talks about the possibility of Dean dying one day.

- 14x18: The pure self loathing in Cas’s eyes when he feels like he failed Dean by not telling him about Jack’s soul.

- 15x2: “You asked ‘what about all of this is real?’ We are.” THE MOST ROMANTIC LINE EVER. (Plus later Eileen and Sam have the same conversation but they get to kiss because homophobia)

- 15x9- 20:00 Dean said that they lost everyone they cared about, then added Cas specifically. Then he says “I had to bury him” not “we”

- 15x9- 23:00 Dean cries when he can’t find Cas. Then he prays to him and apologizes for letting him go. He falls to his knees praying to him and fully crying

- 15x12: “I created the world.” *shows Destiel*

- 15x15: This time when Dean sees Cas leaving the bunker, he stops him. (In reference to Cas saying “you didn’t stop me” when Dean got mad at him for leaving)

- 15x16: This is the the only version of Cas that rebelled for Dean. This universe is literally being saved repeatedly because of Cas’s love for Dean

- 15x18: CAS CONFESSES HIS LOVE TO DEAN then goes to mega hell for being gay

Anyway, Cas loves Dean and Dean LOVES HIM BACK, OKAY?!?!? Feel free to add more

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

I would love for you to talk more indepth about the montage. To me it feels so off and weird. Almost like a parody? So many scenes in it are "funny" moments that just don't make sense in the context of an emotional overview of the road so far... (Like all the scenes where Dean is eating, Donna with donut dust on her face, Sam getting hit during the game show.) I don't know. Isn't the montage supposed to make me nostalgic, teary-eyed? This one definitely doesn't do it for me!

Here I am! Yes, I absolutely agree. The montage is Weird(TM). It’s kind of a tone rollercoaster. It’s very full of funny/silly moments, with some serious moments smacked in. And it definitely looks like... there’s something about it.

For an easier consultation I will reference the gifs I have made of the montage sequence here.

[Gif 1] It starts pretty much like I’d expect a Supernatural goodbye montage to start. The two brothers meeting for the first time in the pilot, a reminder of their childhood with John, their banter still from the pilot, a couple moments of them driving in the car in the first seasons, Dean saving Lucas in 1x03 which is the first Dean-heavy episode and also an extremely symbolic moment for Dean’s entire journey - just think at how Lucas as a mirror was still relevent during the “drowning” Michael possession arc. Everything feels normal so far. We’re starting from the beginning! Now--

[Gif 2] Interesting and weird choices start here. Them pretending to be high school teachers from After School Special 4x13 - actually a very iconic moment for the fandom, remember that post of Dean in shorts from that episode that you had to reblog when it came on your dash? (Actually I’m not sure if I ever reblogged it lol.) Dean celebrating getting young again from The Curious Case of Dean Winchester 5x07 (and Jensen showing off his agility). The two of them showing their FBI badges to Jesse Turner’s biological mother in 5x06. Dean mowing the lawn of Mary’s house in the Djinn dream and immediately after Jess and Sam kissing also in the Djinn dream, from What Is And What Should Never Be 2x20. Then Dean after killing the witch when he was under the memory loss spell, in Regarding Dean 12x11. Sam happy when they celebrate Christmas in A Very Supernatural Christmas 3x08. Them being “lucky” under the effect of the rabbit’s foot in Bad Day At Black Rock 3x03. Sam also happy in Baby 11x04.

Again the present, then the montage starts again with the water-related ghost from Red Sky At Morning 3x06, a Bela episode, and then Bela herself from her first episode, 3x03 again.

What do these moments have in common? Not all of them, but for many of them I’d say reality being manipulated. The Djinn dream, the rabbit foot, Dean’s aging, the Antichrist... and it’s not over yet. Also, them pretending to be teachers, agents etc - not “real”.

[Gif 3] The tone suddenly gets more serious and relevant to current events: Chuck in The Monster at the End of This Book 4x18 (eh). Death in Two Minutes to Midnight 5x21 (the first appearance of Death, while now we’ve had Billie’s last and a very short-lived new one), and then two major moments from Lazarus Rising - Dean emerging from the grave and finding the handprint on his shoulder. Crowley’s first episode, Abandon All Hope 5x10. Zachariah’s death in Point Of No Return 5x18. Anna from The Song Remains The Same 5x13, where she is the antagonist having been brainwashed successfully by heaven. Michael burning and Sam jumping in the cage with Michael in 5x22, then another moment from 4x01 (the brothers hugging after reuniting). A moment from The French Mistake 6x15 (reality fuckery again!). Sam in Frontierland 6x18.

[Gif 4] Reality fuckery continues with Becky marrying Sam in 7x08. Funnily enough, this is the peak of Becky’s obsessive behavior which she went to therapy for and grew away of - it definitely emphasizes how far Becky has come. Donna’s first appeance in 9x13. That iconic shot of Dean in Bloodlust 2x03 because he’s pretty. Charlie’s first appearance in 7x20 while she dances to Walking On Sunshine (relevant?), Kevin’s first appearance in 7x21 when he becomes a prophet (lots of firsts). Abaddon’s first appearance in As Time Goes By 8x12. Then there’s the first appearance of the bunker, in the next episode, a couple shots in fact. Then more 4x01, Ruby pretending to mistake Dean for the pizza man (eh). Then more present...

This section seems to be mostly “first appearances” - including Ruby’s s4 meatsuit, i.e. Genevieve’s first appearance.

[Gif 5] We suddenly jump to more recent events with Kelly and Jack in heaven in Byzanthium 4x08. Jack’s iconic hello from 4x16 Don’t Go In The Woods. Dean teaching Jack how to drive in 14x07 Unhuman Nature. But then we suddenly go from Jack things to something completely different on the surface: two consecutive moments from Changing Channels 5x08, including the iconic Nutcracker scene, and Sully from Just My Imagination. We are actually back to the previous theme: reality fuckery. Gabriel’s episode was about placing them in “television shows”, Sully, while real, is literally a child’s “imaginary friend”. And then... a moment from the cartoon part of Scoobynatural! It doesn’t get more reality fuckery than that. Oh, wait! Charlie and Dorothy going to Oz in 9x04. That’s a pretty strong contender. Dean being hit in the face by a fairy in 6x09 - also about a realm Dean briefly went to. And, in case we felt like we hadn’t gotten enough 4x01 yet, Pamela’s first appearance (her last, albeit a hallucination, was about the whole “How come you only want what you can't have?” thing).

[Gif 6] We continue again with a mixture of firsts and weird things. Ellen’s first appearance in 2x02, Dean and Cas in 4x18 (we saw Chuck from that episode earlier), Jody’s first appearance in 5x15 Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid. Rufus in 6x04 Weekend At Bobby’s (not his first but a good episode...), Garth in 9x12 Sharp Teeth (not his first but the first in which he is a werewolf and is married... relevant to recent lamp events??), Missouri in 1x09 (her first appearance).

Then Gabriel from 13x21 Beat The Devil (an episode where he plays a trick on Lucifer) and Rowena from the same scene (in fact a scene where they’re flirting).  Then Eileen coming back to life in 15x06 and smiling at Sam. Jo flirting with Dean in 2x02 - her first appearance, again. Funnily enough, she had been introduced as a love interest, but ended up being repurposed as a sisterly figure. Tempted to say it’s relevant in an ironic way. Mary in 14x11 Damaged Goods, when Dean has a goodbye mother-son moment with her. Amara in 11x09 Oh Brother Where Art Thou when she was looking for her brother. Then Lucifer in two different vessels (12x07 Rock Never Dies and 12x21, when Lucifer regains control over the vessel).

Then Metatron doing the find a wife make babies speech to Cas in 8x23! Relevant??? Dun dun dun. Then Ketch for some reason (the first episode where we see his face, 12x08 LOTUS).

[Gif 7] Then Jo/Anael in 13x13, another first appearance. (I cropped these horribly I should have cut them when the present happens lol.)

Sandwiched between two shots from the present, Dean Sam Mary and John having dinner together in 14x13 Lebanon.

Then we start again with Dean riding Larry in 12x11, Dean and Cas dressed as cowboys in 13x06 (mini pattern here...), Asmodeus with the archangel blade in 13x13 (insert meta about Asmodeus in Christian lore here), and the really intriguing “Intermission” shot from the play in 10x05.

[Gif 8] To continue a certain pattern we might be tempted to see, Dean eating piecake from 14x06 Optimism (an episode about a distorted version of romantic love), then Dean eating noodles from 10x13 Halt & Catch Fire (the ghost is a husband that passes on thanks to his wife). Dean after his dentistry session with Garth in 15x10. Meg from 6x10 Caged Heat (the episode with the pizza man porn). Dean and Sam investigating in 4x12 Criss Angel Is a Douchebag (an episode about growing old poorly). Crowley in 10x16 Paint It Black (that episode). Dean playing that game in 14x17 Game Night (the episode Cas calls for God, and when Mary dies - the one playing the game was God...). Sam and Dean getting out of the car in 13x05 when they visit the traumatized kid (peak mourning Dean episode...). Then we go into reality fuckery territory again with 14x15 Peace of Mind, Sam under the psychic’s control and Cas disgruntled about it.

[Gif 9] Mick Davies from 12x16 Ladies Drink Free, when he learnt a lesson about monsters. Dean geeking out about the Hatchet Man - so heavy with mirror significances - in 14x04 Mint Condition. Belphegor - Jack’s dark mirror - in 15x03 The Rupture, the break-up episode. Donna’s first episode again, this time Dean and she eating donuts. Dean, Sam and Mary hugging in 12x22 after the confrontation in Mary’s head. Kaia in 13x09 The Bad Place, when Jack uses her to find the way to where Mary is (Mary pattern?). Claire&co rescuing Jody and Donna in 13x10 Wayward Sisters. Dean in 1944 dresses as a sailor in 11x14 The Vessel. Baby nyooming in 15x11 The Gamblers...

Aaand more Changing Channels, the genital herpes ad. It’s almost like reality fuckery is a theme. Followed by Sam drinking the anti-cold concoction at Garth’s in 15x10 and the two of them outside the monster fighting pit in the same episode. Then Cas, Dean, Sam and Jack on a video call with Ketch in 14x09 The Spear when they talk about the egg to trap Michael.

[Gif 10] We stay in the same episode with the four of them heading to Michael. Then the four of them celebrating Jack’s return to life (after Cas’ deal with the Empty). More present, and then the iconic “we’ve got work to do” [trunk closes] moment from the pilot.

So: some of these moments seem like genuine moments you’ll want to put in a montage, but there’s a weird predominance of characters smiling and looking happy or goofy. It’s kind of... not exactly representative of the show as a whole, you know? There are moments that fit as, you know, iconic steps in the story, but surprisingly few, and many moments you’d expect to be in a “final” montage are blatantly not there. Several moments with, let’s put it like this, suspicious meta connotations. Moments that, well, we don’t know what happens in the finale yet, but smell like they might be relevant to future developments. (Metatron’s speech to newly human Cas anyone?)

What really strikes me is the amount of moments connected to reality being manipulated or distorted in some way. Lots of Changing Channels, fantasy elements of various kinds (the Djinn dream, Scoobynatural, Oz, the imaginary friend Becky’s wedding to Sam, the fairy, ...), them acquiring luck (s3) or losing it (s15), and so on. It’s almost like the sequence is telling us something...

Thoughts?

[letterboxd]

Watching John Malkovich.

To understand better why Letterboxd members set out on quests to watch specific actors’ entire filmographies, we invited Tim Rod to describe her dangerous and seductive journey through John Malkovich’s screen history.

For many film lovers, 2020 has been a year of catching up: on franchises, on directors’ filmographies, on historical gaps and top 100s. But for some Letterboxd members, the year indoors has been an opportunity to hyper-focus on a single actor and their work.

Jeremiah Lambert is on a Bacon Fest, Naked Airplane has embarked on a wild ride through the works of De Niro, Hackman, Hoffman, Nicholson and Pacino. Joey is preparing for next year’s centennial of The Kid by churning through Charlie Chaplin’s catalog (with David Robinson’s biography Chaplin: His Life and Art in hand). A quick Twitter survey found others churning through a performer selection as wide-ranging as Burt Lancaster, Parker Posey, Maggie Smith, Nicolas Cage, Cary Grant, Kevin Costner, Robin Williams, Adèle Haenel, Alan Arkin, Sam Rockwell and a Seth Rogen thirst project.

It can be a bumpy journey. In one performer’s oeuvre the quality will range widely, the genres too. But the rewards are many in a close study of craft, and there are revelations, whether it’s that Australia’s Miranda Otto deserves more recognition, or it’s “the total acceptance, lack of judgment, and vulnerability with which Alan Arkin has played so many of his flawed and wonderful characters”.

With Christian Bale in ‘Empire of the Sun’ (1987).

In 2020, no fewer than three movies and two television series starring John Malkovich have been released: Arkansas, Valley of the Gods and Ava, as well as The New Pope and Space Force. The legendary actor has kept himself busy, and I know this because I have seen most of his filmography—41 films and two series—in the span of a single month. I adore Malkovich, always have, and I came out of this experience with a deeper admiration for him, and with some thoughts about his unique, remarkable skills as an actor. (And, I had a really good time.)

Allow me to begin by saying that John Malkovich is the best part of every movie he is in. No matter the movie, Malkovich will always steal the spotlight, and he can turn a good movie into a masterpiece, or an average movie that wouldn’t catch anyone’s attention into one worth watching, if only to see him do his thing.

He’s starred in movies that are considered masterpieces by many: Being John Malkovich (1999), The Killing Fields (1984) and Empire of the Sun (1987). Movies that may be considered the opposite of masterpieces, like Supercon (2018), Eragon (2006) and the most recent Ava (2020), and he’s also starred in some gems that I knew nothing about but am glad to have discovered, such as The Convent (1995), Eleni (1985) and The Ogre (1996). Malkovich has brought to life iconic characters including Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Tom Ripley, Hercule Poirot (in BBC’s The ABC Murders), the artist Gustav Klimt, and several of David Lynch’s people, in the short film Psychogenic Fugue (2016).

As Mitch Leary in ‘In the Line of Fire’ (1993).

Malkovich has received two Academy Award nominations, for Places in the Heart (1984), in which he played Edna’s lodger, the solitary yet kind Mr. Will, and for In the Line of Fire (1993), where he played the complete opposite: the psychotic Mitch Leary, determined to kill the President of the United States. Though Malkovich is not a classic action-film actor, his work in that genre is driven by logic, intellect and emotion, and the delicacy that he employs to challenge concepts of masculinity and keep us guessing. His soft and collected voice threatening Clint Eastwood over the phone is scarier and more effective than a deeper one would have been.

That voice. Malkovich has admitted that he hates the sound of it, that he would always avoid listening to it, just like so many actors avoid watching their own films, but I’m bewitched by his voice and I could never get enough of it. It can be tender, sweet and calming, seductive when the role requires it, and terrifying. With that versatility, it’s not surprising that he has done some narrating work as well, for films including Paul Newman’s The Glass Menagerie (1987) and Alive (1993).

Malkovich is at his best when seduction and villainy combine, as they do in Dangerous Liaisons (1988). Vicomte Sébastien de Valmont has been performed by many actors over the years, but I find Malkovich’s take to be the most memorable and exquisite. He captures perfectly the depravity and evilness of Valmont, but also the nuances, his journey from womanizer to man genuinely in love and, ultimately, his tragic redemption. He even brings a comedic aspect to the character that adds more depth and dimension.

With Glenn Close in ‘Dangerous Liaisons’ (1988).

Valmont is an awful human being, a monster even, and yet, every time I watch this movie, I find myself fascinated by his mastery of the deception, his sensuality and complete control of the situation, until the situation is “beyond his control”. In her review of the film, Catherine Stebbins calls John Malkovich “a sexual force of nature”, and I completely agree. If you want to see more of Malkovich’s sensual side, other notable mentions include The Sheltering Sky (1990), The Object of Beauty (1991) and Beyond the Clouds (1995).

And then there’s Being John Malkovich (1999), in which ‘John Horatio Malkovich’ displays so many facets of his craft. The fictionalized Malkovich is possessed by different characters, one of them a woman. Catherine Keener’s character falls in love with a subtly different version of Malkovich, when he is a vessel for Lotte (Cameron Diaz). Even though Lotte doesn’t have full control of Malkovich, he uses his femininity to bring the character-inside-the-character to center stage, delivering a subtle-yet-perfect performance. Even when we don’t see Lotte, we know she’s there.

John Malkovich as John Horatio Malkovich possessed by Lotte, in ‘Being John Malkovich’ (1999).

Not many actors could pull this off as brilliantly as John Malkovich does. To be fair, not many actors have been given the chance that Spike Jonze and Charlie Kaufman gave Malkovich: a film with his own name in the title.

I’ve discussed some of the most well-known of Malkovich’s performances, but I’d like to mention an overlooked one that I found heartbreaking and noteworthy. I didn’t know of the existence of The Ogre (1996) until I took a closer look at Malkovich’s filmography. It’s not without its flaws, but I found myself absorbed in the fairy-tale story of Abel, a naïve French prisoner of war who is taken to Nazi Germany and used to recruit children for Hitler’s Youth. Once again, the actor’s duality is on display, as Evan writes in his Letterboxd review: “Malkovich is both queasy and endearing as the (ig)noble simp who just wants to save the babies.” The Ogre tells a tragic story, but thanks to Malkovich’s tenderness, we can’t help but have sympathy for his character. At times it reminded me of the innocence of Lennie in Of Mice and Men (1992), another of the actor’s more noteworthy performances.

One of Malkovich’s great contributions to cinema is elevating an average movie just by being in it. One such role is as English conman Alan Conway in the bizarre true story, Colour Me Kubrick (2005). Malkovich admitted in an interview that he thought his performance was good, and I agree. If there’s one reason to watch that film, it’s to see Malkovich playing an eccentric conman who poses as Stanley Kubrick, using different voices and accents. As TajLV writes, “if there were anything to commend this film other than Malkovich, I’d happily rate it higher”.

As Alan Conway in ‘Colour Me Kubrick’ (2005).

One fun fact: I sometimes forget John Malkovich is American. Maybe it’s because he has starred in many European productions—out of the 41 films I watched, 18 were European. Malkovich is of European descent, has lived in France for a decade and speaks fluent French, which allowed him to star as the mysterious Baron de Charlus in Time Regained (1999), with entirely French dialogue. He also delivers lines in French and Portuguese in A Talking Picture (2003) by Manoel de Oliveira.

You’ve probably heard Malkovich use words, expressions and even entire lines of French dialogue on more than one occasion. He does this often, which gives him a certain European vibe, consistent with his own character, mannerisms and dress sense—elements that he sometimes brings to his characters. Maybe that’s the reason he has played so many intellectuals and artists: professors, scientists, detectives, painters, writers, a scientist and a robot, and even the Pope… It seems there’s nothing John Malkovich can’t do, including directing.

To end my marathon, I watched his directorial debut, The Dancer Upstairs (2002), an assured movie adapted from a novel about the Maoist uprising in Peru in the 1980s, starring Javier Bardem. It was a nice surprise, and a strong start to what could have been a career as a film director, if not for the fact that he doesn’t have the patience to do it again. I recently read an interview where Edgar Wright revealed advice he always gives to directors, which is to make their second movie the one that will define them. I wonder if we will ever see John Malkovich’s second film, but for now, I hope he keeps gifting us with more unforgettable performances. At least we know that in the distant future, along with all the movies he has already appeared in, people will enjoy a never-seen-before performance when Robert Rodríguez’s short 100 years is released in 2115.

If there’s one thing I have learnt after watching most of his filmography, it’s that John Malkovich is one of the best and most versatile actors of our time, with the most unique voice I have heard in cinema, and with a rich filmography that encompasses every genre. And he’s not only a brilliant actor, but also someone I find personally fascinating. I truly find comfort in him. I hope we all get to enjoy his art for years to come, because his talent is limitless and I know he still has so much more to give. John Malkovich deserves all the praise for being a force of nature in the theater and film industry for over 40 years.

Tim is a Letterboxd member based in Spain, who has recently moved on from her John Malkovich marathon to a Sacha Baron Cohen quest.

[myinconnelly1]

Not the Man I Know

Square Filled: Mind Control (kink)

Square filled: Damsel in Distress Ship: Michael!Dean x Myin;  Dean x Myin; Sam x Myin (Mentioned) Rating : Explicit Warnings: 18+ NSFW,  non!con; Dub!con; rape; angel Mind control; Grace abuse; reference Cheating, canon violence, canon gore Request: Hey, Uhm for your request: Maybe Mind control with Lucifer and/or Michael? Like they walk in to the reader getting dressed or showering and they try to have fun with her and mind control her into having hard sex with them?

AN:  This was everything that I hoped for and more.  I also used @impala-dreamer​ ‘s make me feel it challenge with the song Uninvited (fucking awesome song btw) Word Count: 2,021 Created for @spnkinkbingo. @spndarkbingo​

“How did you find me?”  Myin asked staring up at Dean’s face.

The pain in Myin’s shoulder was starting to fade as cold lightheadedness started to replace it.  She could feel her blood thrumming throughout her body and spots black out some of her vision.  Her breath was coming in gasps as she ran, knowing that trying to outrun the fit hunter was not a likely outcome.  She was going to need a back-up plan, assuming she didn’t just collapse.

“Please, that pathetic waste of space that this vessel calls a brother has been tracking your location.”  Dean’s voice was stiff and hard as he talked down on Myin.  Her body froze as recognition illuminated her face.  Michael.

“Myin!”  Dean was shouting her name from somewhere behind her in the forest.  She couldn’t spot, shouldn’t stop.  But she was getting tired.  There was no way that Michael had released his hold on Dean.  She knew this in her head.  Even if she had seen the familiar look in Dean’s face when she had cast her spell on him.  “Please, stop running.”

“What do you want?”  Myin’s hand reached for blindly for her gun, concealed behind the door.

“You know what I’m here for,”  Michael sneered, the expression so wrong on Dean’s face.  Her eyes widened then her fingers tightened around the grip of her pistol.

Myin fell face first into the dirt of the woods.  Exhaustion and loss of blood were taking her over.  She didn’t have much energy left, and Michael was probably right around the corner.  The spell had been accidental.  All these years with the Winchester brothers and she had stopped practicing what her father had taught her.  She was just glad she’d had the foresight to send her kids away while she was in hiding.  They wouldn’t be safe with her, not yet.  Her eyes closed, and her head turned limply against the cool earth.

Michael slammed the front door into her chest, sending her flying across the room and the gun flung back against her shoulder going off.  Myin screamed with agony as the nine millimeter round pierced cleanly through her shoulder.  You regained her awareness as Dean’s hand’s, Michael’s hand’s, gripped her arms and moved her to a kneeling position.

“You will give me what I want,”  He growled an inch from her face.  Her body quivered in fear and shock.  “I even chose to stay in this guise for you.” 

Myin hadn’t really given it any thought, but she noted now that Michael was wearing Dean’s clothes.  His flannel and jeans, as opposed to Michael’s more dandy suit and cap.

“Did you think it would impress me?”  She all but spat in his face.

“No, sweetheart,”  He fumbled with the word as if it was unfamiliar.  “That is what this pretty face would’ve called you right?  No I wore this in the hopes that you would be more receptive to my request.”

Myin stared at him numbly.  She knew what he wanted.  And she knew that she could never give it to him.  She could never betray her friends like that.  Sam especially.  She was here in hiding to keep Sam safe.

“Never,”  She growled.

“I guess I had expected you to say that,”  Michael closed the space between them and kissed her unceremoniously.  She was so stunned that she hadn’t been ready when he bit her lip hard enough to draw blood.

“Ow!” She cried as she pulled away as much as she could.

“Hm, I still don’t understand what these brothers see in you,”  He mused licking the blood on his lips.

“Myin?  Myin, wake up!”  Dean said as he shook her limp form gently.  She roused enough for panic to cross her face momentarily.  ‘No, no, no, no.  It’s okay, sweetheart.  I’m gonna save you.” 

Myin noted the tightness of bandaging on her shoulder where the gunshot wound was.  He had managed to stop her from bleeding out completely.  That didn’t seem like something that Michael would have done until after he had gotten what he wanted from her, unless she was going to die.  And while she felt pretty terrible, she didn’t think that she was that close to death’s door.

“Dean?  How?”  Myin muttered in confusion.

“You, I think whatever you did, send him away.  It brought me out,”  He was staring at her, concern etched his face.  “I think I did something horrible.  I think I killed Sam.”

Myin stared at Dean in disbelief.

“What?!”  Tears fell down her face as she thought about it.  It made sense that Michael would want Sam dead.  He was in the way, constantly causing issues for him using Dean.  And he stood between Michael and Myin.

“God, Myin.  What have I become?”  Dean looked down at his hands, which were shaking.

“It’s not your fault.  Michael was controlling you,”  She grabbed his hands.  “You can’t blame yourself.”

“But you do,”  Dean whispered.  “There is no way that you can prove to me otherwise.”

Myin didn’t hesitate.  She reached out and took Dean’s face in her hands, kissing him deeply.  It wasn’t the first time they had kissed, but Dean’s entire demeanor changed regardless.

“Neither of them recovered after what happened when Dean came back from Hell, you know?”  

Michael sounded like he was going into a long prepared speech.

“What?” Myin asked shock registering on her face briefly.

“Sam said he understood why you went to his brother, he could never blame you.  After all he was with Ruby.  But he never did forgive you.  And as for Dean, well let’s just say that I can still feel his love for you.  It hasn’t gone away, it wasn’t a one time thing,”  Michael’s voice dripped with malice.

“You don’t know what your talking about.  You have no idea what love feels like!”  She did spit in his face this time, unable to control her rage.

Michael loosed his grip on her injured shoulder and smacked her cheek with his open hand.

“Enough, you will agree to give me what I want,”  He squeezed her arm.

A light bulb went off in her mind.  He needed her permission.  Just like any angel, he needed permission to be inside her.  Even if it wasn’t possession.

“No,”  She grimaced with resolve.

Michael’s hand moved back to her injury.  And he pressed his thumb against the wound.  Myin’s eyes rolled up in her head in pain.

“Say yes.”  He growled, his lips practically against hers.

“Never.”  She barely finished getting the word out, before Michael crushed his fist around her wound.

Myin gasped, shuddered, clenched her teeth.  She refused to scream for his pleasure.

“Give in!”  Michael shouted, the wet of his lips on hers.  She panted as he clutched her harder.

“DEAN!!”  Energy surged through her body, knocking Michael away from her and sending all the items nearby to explode away from her in a wave.  Myin stood as well as she could, and bolted for the door, running for the woods.

Dean kissed her back fiercely, with a groan.

“Michael was right,”  He pulled away from her slightly and leaned his head against hers.  “I still want you.”

A last tear trickled down Myin’s cheek, before Dean eased her onto her knees and crouched behind her.  He kissed her neck, and her uninjured shoulder, as he pulled her pants and panties down.  Two of his fingers pressed into her eagerly as she heard his other hand fiddle with his belt and zipper.

Warmth permeated her skin, it wasn’t a familiar sensation, but Myin enjoyed it nonetheless.  She breathed deeply, as his fingers stroked her damp center, then he removed his fingers and she felt his cock pressed against her cunt.

“Let me in?”  Dean asked quietly.  Myin was caught off guard by the question, normally Dean didn’t stand on so much ceremony.

“Dean I want you.”  She whispered, wiggling her hips slightly.  The pain in her shoulder had ebb significantly and she felt stronger, but also almost drunk in the way that her ears and cheeks were warm.

“I need to hear you say it.  Say you want me inside of you,”  Dean’s voice was strained, with restraint Myin was sure.  Still something about this was bothering her.  Expect she felt so good, she didn’t want to be without him.

“Yes, I want,”   She gasped at the squeeze Dean gave her hip.  “I want you inside of me.”

Dean pressed into her at an agonizingly slow pace, until she felt his hips press against her backside.

“I’ve wanted this for so long,”  Dean’s voice was definitely not right, Myin realized as her head started to clear.  “I finally win.”

Michael.

He pulled out to the tip before slamming back into her completely.  Myin almost screamed in the sudden fullness.  She was screwed, but literally and figuratively.  The warmth that had been suffusing her body focused in her mind as the blue-white glow of Michael’s grace filled her being.

Myin had never felt so full in her life.  She felt stretched past her limits and tears fell from her cheeks again.  She realized Michael had healed her body to prepare for the onslaught of thrusts that he was now giving her.  Dean’s cock in her cunt slipping in her natural juices.

How had she been such a fool.  She should have known it was a trick.  He had told her that he needed her to make a child.  She assumed it was the only way that he felt he could defeat Jack.  

All she had to do was remain abstinent until Michael was gone.

She began to pant as her orgasm built slowly.  She didn’t want to cum because of Michael, even if it was Dean’s cock.  His use of the man’s anatomy was poor in comparison to Dean, but it was still good enough.

“Dean wants you to cum on his cock,”  Michael growled at your ear.  “He wants it even though he knows he isn’t in control of his body.  You humans are disgusting with all your bodily fluids and functions,”  Michael smacked her ass, in an almost Dean like fashion.  “Needing to get this man’s body inside of you to get what I need,”  He choked like he almost enjoyed it.

“If it’s so,”  Myin gasped as his hips missed the beat.  “So horrible, why do it?”

“Want you too much,”  Myin almost surfaced.  That was Dean’s voice, not Michael.

“Dean?”  She asked, hopeful.

“I’ve got you sweetheart,”  Dean reached a hand around and started to rub her clit.  “I think I beat him.”

“You,”  She sighed in pleasure as her orgasm started to crest.  “You have to pull out.”

Myin fell over the edge in orgasm.  Dean stuttered and started to pull out, but the grip of his hand on her hips redoubled and she knew Michael took over as he sunk his cock into her deeply.

“Just needed a little help figuring this body out,”  Michael’s lip curled as he held her against him.

“Hey!”  Sam’s voice echoed from somewhere behind Myin, and a sob of relief and guilt escaped her mouth as Michael dropped her onto her hands and knees.

“You’re too late.  I’ve got what I came for.”  And with that Michael left in a flutter of wings.  Myin fell to her belly in the dirt sobbing for the emotional abuse she suffered at the Angel’s hand, and for the betrayal of Sam’s love.  He would never understand, and she didn’t even know if she wanted to explain it to him.

Sam’s big hand found her body and she flinched slightly.  He pulled her clothes up gently then pulled her up into his lap to console her.

“Sam,  I’m so,”  Myin trailed off, not feeling the words she knew she needed to tell him.

“It’s okay.  I know,”  Sam rubbed his beard against the top of her head.  “You don’t need to be sorry for something that was out of your control.”

Myin couldn’t manage the strength to tell him that despite the horror of the situation, she had wanted Dean anyway.

@waywardbaby​ @destielhoneybee​ @snffbeebee​ @deangirl7695​ @spnbaby-67​ @maddiepants​ @tabrown2021​ @ladywinchester1967​ @woodworthti666​ @miraclesoflove​ @tumbler-tidbits​ @emilyshurley​ @akshi8278​ @mannls​ @wendibird​ @bobasheebaby​ @flamencodiva​ @theoneandonlymelol​ @chelsea072498​ @donnaintx​ @justsomedreaming​ @supernaturalenchanted​ @supersassyprobablysad​

[of-a-chaotic-mind]

Not The Same

Summary: The reader watches the love of her life, Dean, die to the hellhound. Upon Dean’s return, he finds his girl is not the same anymore. She’s a little more broken and a little more tarnished.

TW/CW: Mentions of attempted suicide, plenty of swearing, ANGST, death, Just please read at your own risk because this is probably my most risky imagine yet, Dean x Bobby’s Daughter!Reader

A/N: So, I finished Season 3 last night and this sprang forth into my mind. I hope you enjoy. It’s a little darker than normal but I’ve been in a little darker of a mood lately. If any of you EVER need someone to talk to, I’m always here. My DMs and Asks are always open.

Your POV

    I struggled against Lilith’s invisible hold as I watched her return to the door. The wide-eyed, psychotic look on her face gave me chills as I found the courage to speak, “Wow, you really are one sick, twisted bitch.”

    She chuckled, “Aw what a cute one-liner. It sounds just like something Dean would say, too bad he won’t be around to give you more.” With this, she opens the door, “Sick ‘em boy.” Sam and Dean’s screams are drowned out by my own as I watch the love of my life being ripped to shreds before me. Soon a bright light emanates from Ruby’s body and she suddenly regains control of her vessel. As she begs Sam not to kill her and he does anyway, I drop to my knees beside Dean.  

    His green eyes stare blankly at the ceiling. As Sam drops beside me and tries to wake Dean up, tears begin flooding down my face. I take a deep breath in and without even thinking, release it in an earsplitting scream. I curl into a ball on the floor as the sobs begin to wreck my body.

4 Months Later

Dean’s POV

    I finally make it to Bobby’s house and inside I find Sam and Bobby pouring over the old, dusty books. As they notice my entry, I am soon engulfed in hugs. The only question either of them can come up with is, “What the hell?”

    My only question is, “Where is (Y/n)?”  

    The sadness on Sam’s face hits me hard as he answers, “We haven’t seen or heard from her since you left.” I hold my breath in hopes that he is only pulling my leg but the seriousness in their faces gives me no such luck.

    “What do you mean, you haven’t heard from her?” I ask as I try to keep calm.

    “She left in the middle of the night. All the note said was not to follow her,” Sam mumbles as he rubs his neck.

    “So, you just didn’t go after her?! She could end up dead off on her own!” I snap.

    “Of course, he went after her, damn it! She shot him in the shoulder for it. We left her alone after that but just because we haven’t heard from or seen her doesn’t mean I don’t keep tabs on her. She’s my daughter for crying out loud,” Bobby responds, exasperated. “Every one of my contacts know to let me know when they hear of or cross paths with her. The last time anyone has seen her was three weeks ago in Colorado.”

    “So, let’s go find her then,” I command as I get up to leave.

    “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Dean. Everyone says she isn’t the same girl she used to be. They say she’s gotten reckless, ruthless, and downright mean. She’s not the girl you left behind. She’s been bound and determined to hunt down every single demon topside and send them back to hell. That changes a person.” Bobby says with a hint of sorrow evident in his tone.

    “I’m going after her. I’ll track her down myself if I have to. I can’t lose her again. If you two want to come then you’re welcome to. Otherwise, stay out of my way.” I say as I straighten my jacket and turn to leave. By the time I make it out to my car, Sam and Bobby are leaving the house and coming after me with bags packed.

A Few Days Later

Your POV

    I finish cleaning my salt shotgun and set it down to start on my buckshot shotgun. I pick the firearm up and open the barrel. As I wipe the inside of the barrel out with the cleaning tool, I hear the porch outside my door creak. I quietly set the shotgun down on the table in front of me and pick up the loaded pistol laying on the bed beside me. I cock it back and as the doorknob begins to turn, I state firmly, “You walk through that door and I’ll put a bullet in your skull.”

    Unexpectedly, the voice from the other side says, “Come on, Baby. Don’t be like that.” I lower my gun the slightest bit as Dean steps through the doorway. Keeping my gun trained on him with one hand, I pick up my flask of holy water with the other. I use my teeth to take the cap off before splashing a bit onto Dean. The lack of sizzle prompts me to put my gun away. I sit back down on the bed and go back to cleaning my weapons.  

    Dean takes a seat beside me, “Do you want to tell me what that was about? While you’re at it I’d like to know why you look like you haven’t slept in a week.”

    “I finally gave up on sleeping two nights ago. They were all the same and I was sick of seeing them,” I respond curtly.

    “You didn’t answer my first question,” he says, not missing a beat.

    “Like I said, the nightmares were all the same. I would wake up in some room, usually the one I was staying in, and you’d walk into the room. I would jump for joy and excitedly run towards you but your eyes would flash black and instead of holding me tight, you’d throw me across the room. Fighting would ensue and eventually, I would wake up screaming.” I say without making eye contact.

    Dean stands and walks over to the door to motion someone in. As they step inside, I find that it is my dad and Sam. I keep my focus trained on the guns in front of me as dad speaks up, “Well, I don’t know what I expected but this certainly ain’t it.”

    “I know right. I was hoping for a great big, ‘Baby, I missed you. I’m so glad you’re back’ hug,” Dean agrees humorously.

    At this, I slowly raise my gaze towards Dean with the deadliest glare that I can muster up. As he watches me, shocked at my expression, I ask, “Do you know the hell that I’ve been through? I think I’ve lost count of the times that I’ve stuck the barrel of a gun in my mouth and almost pulled the trigger.” I spit, standing abruptly to walk away from the men towards the back of the room. I whip back around to face them, the anger and pain evident on my face, “The only reason I’m hunting the black-eyed, sons-of-bitches is in hopes that at some point one of them will get the upper hand and put me out of my misery so that I don’t have to do it myself.”

    I turn away, unable to take the looks on their faces. After a moment of silence, I speak once more, “Just go the hell away and leave me to my demons.”

    Dean steps forward and places a hand on my shoulder, “Baby, I-I am so sorry.”

    I whirl around and throw a punch into his jaw. Dad and Sam move out of the room as Dean and I begin fighting. Dean fighting to pin me down and me fighting simply to let out the anger and pain pent up inside of me. Within time, he crosses my guard and manages to pin me down onto the bed. I struggle to get free but even after all the fighting I’ve done lately, he’s still stronger than me. Finally, I give up and simply turn my head to look away from him.

    He lays his head on my jaw lightly and whispers, “Baby, do you really think that I wanted to leave you? You meant the world to me and you still do. Please… just give me another chance. Let me make it all up to you. I-I need you.”

    I take a deep breath and release it slowly. The regret, sorrow, and pain evident in his voice tugs my attention back to him. As I turn my head, he lifts his back up. Seeing his beautiful, green eyes again jerks tears forth from my eyes. The last time I saw those eyes they were staring blankly up at the ceiling. Now, they are so full of emotion that it’s almost overwhelming. The creases etched across various parts of his face show the weariness he must feel.  

    The man before me is so different than the one I remember. This man is broken and fragile. So am I. As he slowly releases my arms to stand, I join him and bury myself into his chest as the tears begin to flow. He rubs circles on my back to soothe me as I hear dad and Sam step back into the room. I look up at Dean and find him crying as well. “I missed you so much,” I say as I drop my guard completely.

    He hugs me tighter as he whispers, “I missed you too, Baby. More than you’ll ever know.”

Masterlists 

[leahxx129]

The Last Descendant (Sam Winchester x Reader) pt.5/Final Chapter

Disclaimer: Tumblr is being weird again so if you’re using the app, the ‘Keep Reading’ cut off line may not be visible inspite of the fact that I always insert one.

Hi everyone! I originally planned on posting this on Friday but your girl is a busy bee and had some personal stuff to take care of. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy the final part to this story, I had lots of fun writing it.

Summary to pt.5: You’ve managed to win a battle against Michael in the woods, but the war is not over just yet. He’s powerful - more than anyone you’ve ever encountered - but you also have some aces up your sleeve.  

Warnings: slight cursing, character death

Word count: 2.140-ish

PART 1.  PART 2.  PART 3.  PART 4.

As the angels have disappeared, the force holding you flat against the trees dissipates, causing you all to fall to your knees. The first thing you realize when you get up is that there’s only three of you left – Kaia’s taken off without prior notice. Your blood runs cold for a minute but then you find the spear in the tall grass where you threw it. Sam makes sure everyone is well enough to travel and following Jody’s suggestion, you drive to her place.

It’s already dark when you pull up in her driveway. Neither you nor Sam have said a single word throughout the ride and as the engine dies, you feel an urge to change this.

“Sam...” you put a hand on his thigh “I’m gonna do everything I can in order to replicate the spear and we’ll get him back, okay? I promise.”

He puts his large one over yours and squeezes it.

“I know, Y/N. Now, let’s get inside and take a look at your wound.”

The interior of Jody’s house reminds you of your childhood home, and a sense of nostalgia washes over you, mixed with hope that one day even you can have something like this. Maybe with Sam. Who knows?

“Alright, the guest room is ready.” Jody informs you, pulling you out of your thoughts. “A bathroom opens directly from it, clean towels can be found in the cabinet. And if you’re hungry there’s food in the fridge, knock yourself out.”

“Thanks, Jody.”

“As for you, Sam, I’m sorry, but I don’t have any more guest rooms, so you’re stuck with the couch.” she pouts.

“It’s okay, uhm, we’re kind of used to sleeping together.” Sam flashes an awkward smile.

Jody appears startled for a second but soon regaines composure.

“In that case, excuse me for a second. I need to prepare another set of pillows in the guest room.”

When everything’s all set you decide to scrub off the combination of dirt, blood and sweat that’s defiling your body. Usually you shower with an almost boiling hot water, but this time you must settle for medium temperature as the scars and bruises don’t really appreciate the heat. You nearly punch Sam in the face when he pulls the floral shower curtain open, but realizing it’s him, you’re able to stop yourself in time.

“God, Sam, do not do that again! I ain’t the screaming kind of scared, I’m the might-break-your-nose kind of scared.”

“Noted!” he smiles, stepping into the bathtub.

You don’t question what he’s doing in there with you. Maybe for the first time ever in your life, you let someone else take control of a situation, and to much of your surprise, you discover it’s not that bad. He gently cleanses every inch of your body, with special attention to the scars.

“You know, I really think your shoulder could use a couple of stitches.” he whispers. You can hear a little worry in his tone.

“Nah, I’ve had worse I didn’t patch up and I’m still around.” you reply, swiping aside a wet strand of hair that was sticking to his forehead and you kiss him softly.

When you’re all finished, you dress up in the clothes Jody left you on the foot of the bed and pick up the spear from the corner of the room.

“Whoah, what are you doing?” Sam asks incredulously.

“Well, what does it look like I’m doing?” he opens his mouth to speak but you continue “You know what, don’t answer that. I’m gonna go to the garage and try to replicate this.”

“No, you’re not. Look, sweetheart, let’s be sensible here. You haven’t slept in a long time and I can assure you that the world’s not gonna end in those few hours when you do. I talked to Cas and he was able to track down Michael in Missouri. If anything happens, we’ll know firsthand. You need to be strong both mentally and phyisically to do what you’re about to… you know I’m right, so don’t fight it!” he delivers a lecture while taking the weapon out of your hand.

You pull a face but give in to his reasoning anyway. This time you manage to get three full hours of sleep before the nightmares start tainting your subconscious. Terrifying images you haven’t seen in a long time flood your mind, and you successfully wake the whole house up with your screams. You can hear Sam’s soothing vocie and Jody’s nervous inquiries about your well-being before you fully come around.

“I’m…I’m alright. I’m fine, really.” you stutter unconvincingly while running a hand through your hair. “Uhm, Jody?”

“Yeah?”

“Could you please show me your garage? I’ll collect the tools from Sam’s car and get right down to work.”

The weapon contains an ancient magic you’ve never encountered before, or even anything similar to it. The runes carved into the shaft belong to a language uknown to you, making your job all the more difficult.  Nevertheless, you try your best, as always. First, you recreate the shape of the spear and its head, then join the two together. Replicating the runes requires the most time – you only realize just how much when the first lights of morning illuminate the garage and Sam brings you breakfast. You take a few bites of your toast and drink your coffee in one gulp.

“Okay, so here goes everything…” you mutter as you begin performing a spell, which should transfer some of the magic from the original weapon into the replica. The incantation you recite next supposedly enhances the transferred magic.

“It looks like the same to me.” Sam states when you show them your work.

“Yeah, and it also possesses that creepy vibe the original one does.” Jody nods in agreement.

“Good. Hopefully, it’ll work just as well, too. Let’s visit Missouri and kick some archangel ass, shall we?” you propose.

You must give it to Michael – he has exceptionally good taste. Both the exterior and interior of the building he chose as temporary residence radiates elegance. You meet up with Cas and a boy in the underground parking lot. You furrow your brows.

“Who’s the kid?” you glance between Sam and the angel, the latter moving infront of the boy as you speak.

“Uhm, his name is Jack. Also, he happens to be the son of satan.” Cas replies.

Out of reflex, you touch the side of your overknee boots looking for your knife but ease off almost immediately and extend an arm towards the boy. Cas eyes you with suspicion.

“Don’t worry, Castiel, I’m not gonna attcak him.”

He seems hesitant but eventually steps aside, allowing you to shake Jack’s hand.

“I’m Y/N. Y/N Colt.”

His eyes widen.

“Colt? Are you related to Samuel Colt?” your nod sends him over the edge “Oh, wow! This is soo cool! I’m Jack! You must have some awesome stories to tell! When this is over, could you tell me all of them?”

“I’d absolutely love to, Jack!” you smile at his child-like enthusiasm, doubting that a sweet kid like him could be related to the Devil himself.

“Alright, I think we should go over the plan one more time.” Sam changes the subject.

You talk everything over one last time - including the intel on the monsters Sam got from a friend named Garth - and enter the elevator that takes you to the top floor. You feel like the tension could be cut with a knife.

An empty, silent hall welcomes you as you exit.

“Michael is the only one I can sense.” Cas whispers.

“I’m not sure if that’s a good thing.” you whisper back.

You all take feather light steps until you reach a double-winged door and Cas nods, confirming the archangel’s location. Sam kicks in the door in a blink of an eye. A well-dressed Michael is staring out the window, holding a glass of some probably expensive booze.

“Welcome!” he greets, turning to your direction. “Well, well, well… what do we have here? The Three Muskateers? If so, I have to admit, Y/N, you are the loveliest d’Artagnan I have ever laid my eyes upon.”

“Oh my God, just cut the crap or else I’m gonna vomit!” the words slip out before you could think them through.

As a result, Michael’s face hardens even more and he extends an arm in the height where your neck would be, casting an invisible force that pulls you straight into his grip.

Sam yells out your name in desperation.

“Oh, don’t worry, Samuel. I am not going to snap her pretty little neck. Although, my fingers may leave a bruise.” Michael exclaims innocently then averts his gaze back to you.

You find it hard not to try stripping his fingers from your neck with both hands, but there’s no other way. One hand is on his but with the other one you sign three behind your back – the catcher singal for a slider in baseball. Sam catches on, takes the spear out of Castiel’s trenchcoat and throws it to you. But before you could sink the tip in Michael’s body, he snatches the weapon and breaks it in half with one hand.

“Did you honestly believe it was going to be that easy to take me down?” he asks with utter disbelief. “The way you underestimate me is quite offensive.”

“Let her go, Michael.” Jack speaks up.

“I don’t think so, child. In fact, here’s what’s going to happen!” he looks right into your eyes “I am going to kill all of them – in which order, that’s your call – and then I will release my monster army on this city with you by my side. I think this vessel is handsome enough, you’ll grow used to him, darling.”

“Yeah, he may be handsome… but I kinda have a thing for his brother, asshole!”

Before he can react, you stab him in the chest with the knife from your boots. He looks down at the shaft smiling but it soon fades into an expression of sheer panic. He lets go of you and tries to pull the weapon out.

“Did you honestly believe we didn’t have a plan B? The way you underestimate us is quite offensive...” you retort.

“What’s happening?! I demand to know!” he bellows, confused.

“I upgraded my favorite blade a little. Now it has the magic of the spear from that other dimension, too. You like it?”

He screams out in agony while his whole body is lighting up with a blue-ish white blaze. You take a couple of steps back and bump into Sam, who envelopes you in a shielding embrace. Cas and Jack try to cover their eyes as the brightness has risen to an extent that’s almost blinding. Michael’s shrieking finally dies out with a huge energy explosion that busts out all the windows in the suite.

He is gone and the only thing he left behind is a very much so bleeding Dean Winchester on the floor.

Dean is slowly opening his eyes. The fluorescent neon lights, the white walls and the beeping of machines tip him off regarding his whereabouts – he’s in a hospital. He tries to rip the needle out of his arm, but Sam prevents him from doing so.

“Hey, no! Stop!”

“Sam? Wha- what happened? Where am I?”

“Uhm, long story short, Y/N killed Michael and injured you in the process, so you are in a private clinic in Missouri.”

“Private clinic? You know damn well we can’t afford that stuff!”

“You may not be able to, but I can.” you appear in the door with two cups of coffee, one of which you hand to Sam while sitting down on a chair next to him.

“Uhm, we appreciate the offer, really, but we can’t accept it.” Dean says in protest without a beat.

“Hey… I almost killed you, I believe this is the least I can do.”

There’s a stare-down between the brothers and Dean’s the one to break the connection first.

“Alright, thank you.” he mumbles eventually, then checks his bandage by looking down the inside of his hospital robe.

“Uhm, question. Based on the place of the wound, how am I not dead right now?”

“Well, I know how to stab someone without killing them... Which is probably the weirdest thing I’ve ever said to anyone, so let’s pretend it never left my mouth, please.”

Both men chuckle lightly, and you feel a little heat rise to your cheeks.

“Hot, feisty and funny? Sam, you better not mess this up or I’ll snatch her right out of your hands.” Dean comments jokingly and this time, it’s your turn to laugh and Sam’s to blush.

“Don’t worry about that, Dean…” he intertwines his fingers with yours “I won’t. I kinda have a thing for her…”

[atc74]

To Become a Sub - Part 3

Square(s) Filled: Orgasm Denial for @spnkinkbingo

Warnings:  Dom!Sam, Sub!reader, name calling, d/s dynamics, edging, orgasm denial, use of a sex toy, 

Summary: Her first scene is complete, but what does Sam have in store for her next?

Pairing: Dom!Sam x Sub!Reader

Word Count: 1750

Written for: @spnkinkbingo

Beta’d by: @amanda-teaches, who, in her own words, had this to say: “Good lord, that was INCREDIBLE. Out of your comfort zone is amazing!!” RIP my friend. Love you six feet under and back, until you rise again...

A/N: The third and final (I’m serious this time) To Become a Sub and To Become a Sub Part 2. Written from Sam’s POV. My apologies if any aspect of this is inaccurate to the lifestyle.

Like Sam’s scent? Buy it here from @scentsfromthebunker!

“Yes, sir.”

I admired Y/N from the open doorway. She was stunning in every way and stronger than any woman I had ever met. It gave me pause for what I had planned for us. I slowly closed the door behind me, shedding my clothes as I walked toward her waiting on my bed. Down to just my boxers, I placed my hands at the base of her neck, gently massaging the muscle I knew must be sore. “Lay down on your stomach.”

Y/N stretched her nude body out across the bed and I followed, laying my head close to hers as I used one hand to continue to knead her sore neck. “You did so good for me, Y/N. I know it’s just one scene but I think it’s enough for today. If this is going to work, there has to be give and take. I want to give you as much as you give me. I might be your Dom, but I’m not an asshole.”

“Thank you, Sir.” She turned her head to smile at me and I leaned in, pressing my lips to hers in a soft, sweet kiss.

“You don’t need to call me Sir when we’re just being us. I want you to be as comfortable as possible at all times,” I reassured her.

“Thank you, Sam.” She sighed, feeling the tension release from her muscles.

“Flip to your back for me, please?” I asked, switching positions. I sat cross legged at her head and rubbed soothing circles at the base of her jaw. “Better?”

“Mhhhm, yes, Sam,” she moaned, the sound going straight to my dick.

“Be careful, baby. Those sounds you make get me going,” I responded, leaning down to kiss her.

“I want to make you happy, Sam,” she stated simply, breaking the kiss.

“You already do, Y/N,” I told her.

“My body is for your pleasure, Sam. I want to pleasure you and be pleasured by you. I trust you not to hurt me and I’m serious about my commitment to this lifestyle with you. If you don’t want to again tonight, that’s okay, but I want you to know I’m ready,” Y/N spoke and I heard the conviction in her voice.

“Are you sure?” I asked again, even though I believed her. This is what I wanted with her, from her, but I didn’t want to push her too far all at once. I knew from past experience with a new submissive I had to ease them into my space instead of pushing. It was for the best, for both of us.

I watched as she got to her knees, bowing her head once more and placing her hands behind her back. “Yes, Sir.”

“From now on, you are mine. Your body is mine to do what I want, whenever I want it. Do you understand?” My voice commanding, I stood and towered over her.

“Yes, sir.”

“Get on all fours and show me what’s mine.” I moved to the foot of the bed as she settled. I admired her backside. The round, fleshy globes of her ass. The perfect crease that gave way to her pussy, lips glistening with her juices. I trailed one finger down her spine, along that crease and right into her wet and waiting hole. I used my other hand to knead the other cheek and added another finger. “It’s okay to voice your pleasure, little one. Let me know you like what I am doing to you.”

“Mhmm, it feels so good, Sir.” Y/N moaned and I added a third finger, twisting my wrist and stroking her just right. “Oh, mhmm, yes! Oh, Sir!”

I pulled my digits from her just as she was hitting her peak, a whimper escaping her plump lips. “Turn over.” I commanded, palming myself through the thin cotton. Her face was flushed and a sheen of sweat covered her perfectly naked flesh. I grabbed her by the ankles and dragged her down the bed until her ass was right at the edge of the mattress. I lowered my frame to the floor and parted her legs even further. I was close enough I could smell her arousal, just mere inches from the most perfect pussy I’ve seen. I ducked my head, tongue darting out to taste her. Just a flick of the thick muscle up her folds and I knew I would never want a taste of another woman.

Holding her thighs apart, I dove in, tasting her over and over. Her clit was swollen and I took my time there, nipping, licking, teasing, but only a sample of what I could really do to her.

“Please, Sir.” Her voice sounded wrecked already and I smirked.

“You’ve been such a good girl, little one. Good girls don’t beg. Good girls get to come. You do want to continue to be a good girl don’t you?” I murmured against her folds, knowing full well the vibrations may send her spiralling.

“Yes, Sir,” she cried, her fists clenching the sheets in a feeble attempt to hold on to something, anything.

“That’s a good girl. You’ll come when I tell you, not before. The first time you come for me as your master will be on my cock. This cunt belongs to me now. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Good girl,” I praised her before returning to my task. I plunged two fingers deep within her core as I tortured her clit with my teeth.

“Oh God, Sir!” Her cries were getting louder and I could feel her tight cunt bearing down on my fingers, pulling them further inside of her. Another flutter and I pulled them from her. I placed gentle kisses to her inner thighs as I rose, trailing my fingers along her heated skin.

I went to my closet to retrieve a preferred toy. I quickly sanitized it at the tiny sink in my room before returning to her side. “Scoot up a bit. I want you to be comfortable. You’re doing so good for me. Just a little bit longer, okay, little one?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“I’m going to leave you for a few minutes to get some water for you, but you won’t be alone. I got a friend to keep you company.” I slowly pressed the g-spot stimulator into her channel until it reached its target then hit the button, the vibrations running through her, breathy groans filling my room. “Don’t move and don’t come. Remember, you only come on my cock and only when I tell you to.”

“Yes, Sir.”

It wasn’t a long walk to the kitchen from my room, but I took my time. I gathered two bottles of water from the icebox and made the short walk back to the open door. She was an exquisite site, all spread out on my bed. From my vantage point I could see everything. Her legs wide, trembling with effort. Her skin, flushed and shiny with sweat. The thin vibrator pressed perfectly against her innermost pleasure point.

I re-entered the room and slid beside her on the bed, using my hand to adjust the vibrator a little, to a litany of moans falling from her open mouth. “Were you good, little one?”

“Yes, Sir. I didn’t come.” Her response was breathy, needy, and desperate to finish. Her eyes searched mine. “Sir, I’d like to give you pleasure.”

“You already are, good girl,” I praised her, my hand cupping her cheek as she nuzzled my palm.

I removed the vibrator from her sodden center, allowing her a moment to regain her composure, as I removed my boxers. I stroked myself while toying with her perfect tits. I wanted to push her to the edge, her pussy stuffed full of my cock, and be inside her when she fell from it.

I sat at the edge of the mattress and pulled her into my lap, her back flush to my chest, my cock sliding through wet dripping folds easily. “You gonna sit on my cock, like my good little cockslut?”

“Yes, Sir. I’m your cockslut, Sir,” she responded immediately, raising up on her knees. The fat head of my dick perched at her entrance, so wet and ready for me. I gripped her hips tightly, guiding her down slowly as I split her open.

“That’s it, little one. Taking my cock so good. This tight little cunt is mine, made just for me and my cock,” I grunted with the effort of holding myself back, keeping my thrusts even and slow.

“Yours, Sir,” she panted.

I snaked one hand around her front, pressing down on her clit with just enough pressure. Her walls bore down on me, clamping down on my dick and I knew she was at the edge. Her breath hitched and her nails dug into my thighs. I gave one final thrust, then lifted her off my length. We both groaned at the loss.

I rolled her to her back and slotted myself between her thighs, my dick already piercing her center and I pushed all the way roughly. I set a steady, but controlled pace, taking her in from above. I couldn’t wait to see her fall apart around me as she experienced the climax of the orgasm that I had been denying her for hours now. I gathered her slick and used it to glide my thumb over her clit. “Little one, are you ready to come all over my cock?” I grunted.

“Yes, Sir. If that's your pleasure, Sir.” Y/N mewled her reply.

Applying just enough pressure, I watched her eyes roll to the back of her head, her mouth agape, breaths coming fast. “Come.”

Her screams bounced off the cold tile and concrete when she exploded all over me, her tight pussy pulling me further into her body than I thought possible. I increased my pace, wanting to draw out another from her before I reached my own end. Her orgasm never wavered, continuing to roll through her, intensifying as I fucked her hard and rough, chasing my climax.

A roar, primal and feral, escaped my throat and my body stiffened as I filled her receptive vessel. I collapsed, my arms giving way. We exchanged air, our ragged breaths bouncing off one another.

“Was that okay, Sir?” she asked timidly.

“That was perfect, little one. You did so good,” I stroked her hair, pushing the matted strands away from her face.

“Thank you, Sir.”

Did you like it? The nicest thing you can do for a writer is reblog their work and tell them, and others, how much you like it!

The Whole Enchilada: @iwantthedean​ @dolphincliffs​ @mrswhozeewhatsis​ @meganwinchester1999​ @cherrycokegirls1​ @closetspngirl​  @roxyspearing​ @flamencodiva​ @blacktithe7​ @sis-tafics​ @just-another-busyfangirl​ @evansrogerskitten​ @amanda-teaches​ @hannahindie​ @wotinspntarnation​ @winchesterprincessbride​ @winecatsandpizza​ @kickingitwithkirk​  @wi-deangirl77​ @hobby27​ @mogaruke​ @gh0stgurl​ @paintrider13-blog​ @hunterscabin​ @alleiradayne​  @idreamofplaid​

The Sam Sin-dicate: @supernatural-jackles @mtngirlforever​

Special Sam tags: @saxxxology​ @thecleverdame​ @crispychrissy​

[ladylilithprime]

Sastiel Creations Challenge | @ladylilithprime

↳ Theme: One More | Prompt: Day

Fluff Bingo Square: Movie Night

=I Did Not Live Until Today=

Read on AO3

MOVIE NIGHT IN the Bunker had been originally instituted by Dean, and the insistence of Sam that everyone in the Bunker, especially a stressed out and overworked teenaged Prophet of the Lord, needed to take regular breaks to relax and unwind before the constant "go, go, go" made them all go crazy. Hunts would occasionally interrupt the ritual, postpone it for a couple of days, but none of them were allowed more than ten days without a mandatory Movie Night. Dean had insisted that Castiel join these movie nights whenever he was around, intent on "educating" the Angel in what he termed the "classics" of cinema. Castiel had confided privately to Sam that, upon viewing these so-called classics, he was gaining more of an understanding of Dean than he was of why the movies were classical, which Sam had assured him was normal.

Movie Night had been weird after the Trials, because Sam would start out watching the movie with Dean and whoever else was there, but suddenly it would be hours later and he wouldn't remember actually watching any of it despite not having moved. In the wake of Crowley showing up in Sam's head with the brothers' code word tripping off his tongue to warn him that he had an angelic passenger who had taken over the driver's seat, Sam figured he knew what had happened and maybe he felt a little tiny flicker of gratitude for Gadreel sparing him having to watch the monkey movies again, but that was drowned out by the overall feelings of shock and betrayal and rage because how could Dean do this to him?!

It was Sam's decision to continue Movie Night even though it was just him and Castiel in the Bunker now. The original purpose of enforcing a break on overworked humans was still valid, even though now the overworked human was only Sam, and the secondary purpose of introducing Castiel to human entertainment was also still in effect, perhaps even more so after Metatron had downloaded a huge selection of American pop culture into Castiel's head without much in the way of context. Without Dean to steer the selection towards action films and neither of them particularly interested in watching mindless violence and gore, plus Sam's increased aversion to psychological horror films, the movies they watched tended to veer more towards musicals. If Castiel suspected that this, too, might be a bit of Sam's rebellion against Dean's stubborn adherence to mullet rock as the only valid music to listen to, well, he didn't call Sam on it and Sam didn't choose to admit anything.

Tonight was another designated Movie Night, not because it had been too long since the last, but because Sam knew that after the failure of the tracking spell with Gadreel's extracted Grace he, at least, needed something where the fate of the world was less dependant on the outcome. In hindsight, queueing up Les Miserábles was probably not the best idea given the overall setting of the movie and the themes of melancholy and grief that pervaded it, but he suspected Castiel would appreciate the other themes of faith and sacrifice and second chances.

He probably should have expected Castiel's analysis of the story's themes to extend to their lives, but somehow it didn't even occur to him until Castiel blindsided him with an abrupt declaration that Jean Valjean reminded him of Sam.

"I'm sorry?" Sam blurted, not sure he had heard the Angel correctly.

"He is a good man who committed criminal acts for a good cause and was harshly punished for it even after his incarceration ended," Castiel explained, gesturing to the screen where Valjean's pay was docked in front of the other workers, who were openly hostile. "It does not matter to these people that his intentions were noble - to feed his family - or that the crime was relatively minor, all they see is the criminal record and discount the good heart of the man who committed it and is stained by that record in the eyes of the society he serves."

"Cas, that's not... I started the Apocalypse!" Sam said, shaking his head. "That's a good bit worse than stealing a loaf of bread and running."

"You killed a demon," Castiel disagreed. "A demon you had been told by everyone around you was responsible for breaking Seals and that killing her would stop things. You were deliberately not told that she was the final Seal and that killing her would release Lucifer because enough angels, myself included, believed that if you knew the truth then you would not have killed her. Yet you do not blame me for lying to you, or for changing my mind and breaking through my conditioning too late to send Dean in time to stop you. Nor do you blame Dean for breaking under Alistair and being the one to break the first Seal which set things in motion. Instead, you continue to allow people, including Dean who should really know better, to cast the blame for things beyond your control onto your shoulders and even take on blame and responsibility where there should be none, forgetting that any penance required for playing a part long ago set out for you has been more than served."

Sam looked away from Castiel's placid, deeply knowing expression, but found he couldn't focus on the screen until a flash of silver catching light drew his attention. "Look, I don't... whatever redemption I might have earned with jumping has to be cancelled out by the things I did after getting out again, especially all the crap I pulled without my soul--"

"Do you think yourself responsible for your soulless self's actions, even though your soul was still in the Cage being subjected to Michael and Lucifer's torments?" Sam frowned a little at the low notes of guilt and sorrow in the Angel's voice and looked over, but Castiel wouldn't meet his eyes, staring instead at the screen as the old priest backed up Valjean's lie of gifted silver and gave over the candlesticks as well. "Hm. Heaven has not treated you nearly so kindly as this priest does..."

"Castiel," Sam started to reach out, but found his courage falter and lowered his hand with a sigh. "I know you didn't leave my soul behind on purpose. I knew it then, too, even with you keeping secrets and never having mentioned it before that moment... sorry, too, about the holy fire."

"There is no apology necessary," Castiel refuted, though Sam thought he looked moderately grateful for it anyway. "You were right to be suspicious of my actions and motives at the time, if not for that specific reason."

"Still..."

"Sam, I assure you, I hold no ill will over your suspicion of me, nor for your actions to try and stop me. If anything, I am deeply grateful for your continued faith in me even after I had gone off the reservation and done you considerable harm." Castiel shook his head. "We are getting away from the main subject, which is that you are not responsible for the actions your body committed without your soul present."

"It was still my body," Sam argued. "My... impulses or whatever, stripped of my inhibitions--"

"Not true," Castiel interrupted. "Stripped of your higher empathic functions and natural moral compass that is your soul, your body behaved with logical precision not unlike how most Angels would act. While that behavior likely seemed heartless or 'dickish' at times, this was in part because of the contrast to your usual compassion and kindness, but you weren't actively malicious or uncontrolled. Everything, including the decision to go to Dean with the suspicion that something was wrong and to ask him to be your moral compass, was meticulously and logically thought out and reasoned for the most optimal outcome. Recall that your soulless self felt that it was for the best that your soul be retrieved and rejoined with your body, and only rejected the plan when the possibility that doing so would kill you was presented."

"Whereupon I promptly tried to kill Bobby! Cas--"

"Sam," Castiel turned fully to face him and glared at him in a way that reminded Sam forcefully of the fact that this was an Angel of the Lord. "You. Are. Not. To. Blame. Your soulless self attempted to kill a man who showed every sign of being ready to kill you by forcefully reuniting your damaged soul with your body. A soul, I must add, which did not deserve the torment inflicted upon it and to which we owed the continued existence of the human race."

"I was just--"

"Cleaning up your mess, so you've said." Castiel was beginning to look frustrated. "But the Apocalypse was not just your mess. It was Dean's, and mine, and Lucifer's, and Michael's, and every angel and demon and human servant of either side who worked towards setting it off earlier than my Father planned. I would even venture to say that it was my Father's fault for refusing to step in when, despite Raphael's delusions, we had very clear evidence from Joshua that He is still alive and close enough to be aware of the situation." The Angel reached forward then and covered the shell-shocked human's nearest hand with his own. "Your soulless self recognized that, and recognized the unfair imbalance, and quite rightly called us out on our lack of respect for you and your sacrifices. Since regaining your soul, Dean's insistence on leaving past transgressions in the past except when it suits him to drag them out as evidence of culpability and questionable judgement has driven your self-confidence down to the point where you have even allowed Dean to make you believe yourself at fault for not looking for a brother and non-human friend whom you had every reason to believe were dead and at peace.

"No more," Castiel said with a fire in his vessel's blue eyes that had nothing to do with his borrowed Grace. "Sam Winchester, you will listen to me and believe this if nothing else: You. Deserve. Respect. And for my part in allowing others to be negligent in giving you that respect, you have my apologies."

For a long moment, Sam could do nothing more than stare at Castiel, stunned speechless and feeling more than a few echoes of the old awe and wonder with which he had first viewed this Angel of the Lord who had saved his big brother from Hell. It seemed impossible to believe, even with Castiel staring into him and all but demanding that he do so. For all he knew, he had fallen asleep on the couch next to Castiel and all of this was somehow some sort of incredibly vivid dream like the ones he tried to pretend he didn't have about the Angel, because if anything stood a chance at making their current arrangement far more awkward than it ever needed to be....

Castiel must have seen something of his thoughts in his expression, because the intensity faded into sadness and then, before Sam could gather his wits enough to try and reassure him, turned to resolve. "I will remind you of this conversation later, so as to establish better credibility."

"Um..." Sam blinked. That was unexpected. "Okay? Thanks? I'll... work on believing you, Cas, I will, I just...."

"Have several years of conditioning for expecting the worst to work around, as well as the more recent problems with maintained perception of reality," Castiel nodded. "I will remind you as often as is necessary of your worth and worthiness."

Sam nodded, more for the lack of any other way to acknowledge Castiel's words than out of agreement or understanding, jumping a little when the music from the television screen picked up in volume. He turned back to the movie, flushing darkly when he realized that they'd completely missed Fantine's entire arc and Valjean's crisis of conscience, and reached for the remote. "Oh, hey, let me--"

"No, it's--" Castiel's grip on Sam's hand tightened, then released with enough abruptness that Sam found himself stopping anyway, turning questioning eyes on Castiel. "I confess that I have been, ah, 'cheating' with this film, as it is one of the stories that Metatron saw fit to share, though not this particular version."

"Should we put on something else?"

"If that is what you prefer. I am enjoying watching it with you regardless."

It was on the tip of his tongue to ask if that was because of Castiel's bizarre comparisons between Sam and Valjean, but he swallowed it back and instead forced himself to settle back into the couch beside Castiel to watch the introduction to the Thénardier family and Cosette. The silence stretched between them as the music played, until--

"Sam? Why is Thénardier's wife making that gesture when she sings that there is 'not much there'?"

Sam swallowed down the urge to choke or laugh, because of course Castiel would ask about that. He cut a sharp glance in the Angel's direction to check if he was being trolled, but Castiel's expression showed only genuine puzzlement. "Uh... Well, I mean, uh... some guys get kinda hung up on penis size, uh, taking the whole 'bigger is better' idea way too seriously and, uh, thinking that bigger size makes them better able to please their partners, which, uh, really isn't true across the board. And, uh, there are a lot of guys who think that having those, um, extra inches is all they need for it to be good for their partner, which also isn't true." He found himself looking at the screen in a gambit to not have to meet Castiel's eyes, and moments later he pointed. "See, she's saying the line again without the gesture. So, uh, the implication is Thénardier falls doubly short of the mark."

"I see," Castiel said, his tone meditative. With his eyes averted, Sam couldn't see the speculative look the Angel sent in his direction, though he definitely heard the pointedly dry tone when Castiel added, "Mrs Thénardier would do better to find a more skilled pizza man."

Sam jerked his head around to stare at Castiel again, but this time the Angel's expression was the same sort of bland that he used when trolling Dean, and so Sam managed to force out a chuckle for the joke before settling in to watch the dynamics between the Thénardiers and Cosette with its very Cinderella vibe. Castiel muttered something about "punching John Winchester again" that made no sense and Sam wasn't sure he wanted to know about anyway, and then made a brief comment about Cosette's dream being similar to many human interpretations of Heaven, but otherwise said nothing until Valjean told Cosette that he was now her father.

"Another parallel," he said. Sam, who had hoped Castiel had forgotten about his weird fixation by this point, blinked in confusion.

"Uh, Cas, I'm pretty sure I haven't gone and adopted any random kids," he pointed out. Really, that seemed more like something Dean would do than him, Dean actually really liked kids and liked the idea of being a dad while Sam... not so much.

"Random, no," Castiel agreed. "You are, however, extraordinarily compassionate. I suspect that, if presented with an orphaned child whose situation required more specialized guardianship than a more normal human fosterage system could provide, you would be an excellent parental figure." He was silent for a moment, pensive and troubled, and then said, softly, "I had never had Nephilim of my own, nor am I likely to do so in the future, but if I did and was unable to care for the child myself, I would ask you."

"Me?" Sam gaped at him. "I mean, why me? Why not Dean?"

"Dean has an unfortunate history of being less than tolerant of supernatural occurrences, of children with powers beyond most human capabilities," Castiel said, shooting an apologetic glance at Sam even before Sam was aware of wincing. "A Nephil would inevitably have powers, and I am a Seraph. Only an Archangel could overpower and suppress the Grace of a Nephil sired by me, and there are no more Archangels available to do so. You have powers of your own and training in using them, albeit with an enhancement method that I would not recommend using with a Nephil, and would be well suited to teaching."

"Cas, my powers--"

"Are yours and yours alone. Azazel may have forcefully activated them on his own schedule and attempted to corrupt them and, through them, you, but he - and Ruby - failed. Your soul is far too pure and good for their hooks to find permanent anchor."

"But... I mean, you... angels... you always warned me against using them...."

"Only because the method with which you were amplifying them - that is, drinking demon blood - was so dangerous to you and the people around you, and training them to full strength properly after first tearing down Azazel's blocks would have taken considerably more time and effort... and, I suspect, those of my superiors actively assisting in bringing about the Apocalypse did not want you learning to use your powers without the addictive crutch of demon blood that could be used to prime your rage and point you at Lilith when the time came."

"So why are you just now telling me this?"

"Well," Castiel glanced away, looking somewhat sheepish. "To be honest, I did not realize that you were unaware that your powers were innate and not actually demonic in origin until I overheard you speaking of them in past tense as if they no longer existed because you were no longer drinking demon blood rather than you simply not using them. Given my clumsy understanding of social nuances and the complex mix of negative emotions you associate with your powers, I erred on the side of caution and did not mention it until our current conversation provided an opening."

Well. That was fair. Even so, Sam couldn't help but stare at Castiel as he attempted to process everything he had learned in such a short amount of time. The fact that the majority of Angels hated him was not new, but the fact that Heaven had actively sabotaged his efforts to be better than the demon blood that tainted him was... also not new, exactly, but Sam had never expected to hear it put so bluntly in conjunction with reassurance that his powers - and, by extension, Sam himself - did not come from a source of evil.

Even more bewildering was the hypothetical child Castiel spoke of and his assertion that Sam, not Dean who had always longed to be a parent, but Sam who had barely ever had anything to do with children even when he had been one, was to be given custody of the hypothetical Nephil if Castiel was incapacitated. The way Castiel had talked about the subject made it clear that he had never had Nephilim himself, and Sam knew that the creation of Nephilim was outlawed, and yet the Angel was sitting there, calm as you please, declaring that if he did ever have a child with a human and needed another parent besides himself and, presumably, the mother, that he would pick Sam. Sam, who was uncomfortable around kids at the best of times, even if he could fake passable competence in an emergency. Sam, who wouldn't trust himself to look after a completely human baby, never mind one that had "phenomenal cosmic powers" at its disposal. Sam who, until earlier when Castiel had declared that "nothing is worth losing you", had thought that Castiel might possibly consider him a friend at best and tolerated him as a reasonably useful asset at worst. Mind-boggling just didn't cover it.

And that wasn't even touching the whole thing with Castiel sounding like he was defending the actions of his soulless self. The subject of Sam's time topside without his soul was something Dean had never hesitated shut down hard, but Castiel had sounded almost... complimentary. Which made no sense, Sam knew, because without his soul he had been a tactless jerk, not--

"Your soulless self recognized that... and quite rightly called us out on our lack of respect for you and your sacrifices."

Sam swallowed against the lump forming in his throat, and again when it refused to be dislodged. Everything he did to help people, to try and make up for the damage he had caused, it never felt like enough. All the centuries spent in the Cage with Michael and Lucifer systematically taking out their rage on him amounted to only a year and a half on Earth, and the tortures blurred together to the point where Sam had long since lost count of how many centuries it had really been, shoving it down and shoving it down, his shaky forays into meditation and reshuffling his mind only managing to build the flimsiest of fences between his conscious mind and that echoing chasm of memory and pain, bits and pieces escaping here and there to scratch along his dreams. Little reminders that he may be out, maybe, but he would never be truly free. It was a truth, cold and logical and inexorable, that Dean refused to acknowledge in either of them, touched by Hell as they both were in different ways, and neither of them coping nearly as well as they wanted the other to believe.

"Stripped of your higher empathic functions and natural moral compass that is your soul, your body behaved with logical precision not unlike how most Angels would act."

The irony of an Angel of the Lord comparing his soulless self to other Angels was not lost on Sam, nor was the way that comparison gave him mixed feelings. All the years of praying, of believing in God and His Angels, having faith that some higher power was watching out for Dean and his Dad when he couldn't, that there was real good in the world to counterbalance all the evil being shoved at him from all sides...

"Sam Winchester, the boy with the demon blood."

...no....

"Nothing is worth losing you."

...but why....

"Sam? Sam, did you hear me?"

"Hm?" Jolted from his contemplating, Sam shot a guilty look first at the screen - how had he missed that much of the movie?! - and then gave Castiel a sheepish smile. "Sorry, Cas. What were you saying?"

"I was asking about Marius's assertion that he is in love with Cosette, when he has only just met her and barely interacted with her at all," Castiel repeated himself after a moment of scrutiny for his friend. "It seems disingenuous, more like the 'love' of the pizza man and the babysitter."

"It's supposed to be love at first sight, Cas," Sam explained, scrubbing a hand down his face. "It's like... when two people who've never interacted before meet, and there's this... connection that forms between them, like they click on a level that is deeper than physical or emotional. A look, a touch of hands... you just know, looking at that person, that this is it. This is the one." He shrugged. "It's talked about in books and movies and stories and songs all the time as this big romantic ideal, a lot like soulmates... uh, cupid-type soulmates, not me and Dean type soulmates."

"Do you not believe in love at first sight?" Castiel asked, tilting his head to the side with that puzzled curiosity that Sam found endearingly familiar.

"I don't disbelieve in it," Sam said, choosing his words carefully. "I mean, being a hunter has taught me that every story has some root in a truth. I just don't necessarily think that it always happens the way the stories make it sound. Like maybe sometimes it's one-sided, or something gets in the way like they live too far apart or one is already married or..." Sam bit his lip before he could continue the thought with mention of angels and humans, because he knew from Castiel that most instances of humans and angels coupling were less about romance and love and more about lust and awkward power imbalances, and the last thing he wanted to bring up right now was the hypothetical Nephil again. "Besides, just because love usually happens more slowly than a couple of seconds doesn't make it any less deep or meaningful or special."

"I see," Castiel hummed, and then, "Sam? How do you know when you're in love?"

...Shit.

"Uh," Sam reached up to rub the back of his neck, only to force his hand back down again when he realised what he was doing. "It's different for everyone, Cas...."

"I am aware," and there was a definite note of impatience in the gravelled voice. "I am asking how you know when you are in love."

"Oh," Sam mumbled. He could feel his face heating up and very nearly prayed that the heat wasn't a visibly obvious blush before he stopped himself; Castiel would probably hear it if he did. "Uh, well... not to sound like a broken record, but it was different for everyone I was... I mean, I felt differently about different people, even though it's all still love."

Castiel made an encouraging noise, and when Sam chanced a look in his direction, the Angel was turned more towards him than the screen, clearly interested and wanting to hear more. Well, okay then. Sam leaned back into the couch and closed his eyes, reaching back into the depths of his memory for the times he was in love or thought he was, shying away from some of the memories like Madison or Sarah or Amelia, and focusing on the deeper ones, the ones that got under his skin and stayed there across the years, even just as scars. There was a pattern there, a set of feelings that overlapped each instance.

"Happiness," he began, because that was the obvious place to start. "When you see the person, you feel happy. Being around them, sitting next to them, holding hands, hugging... full of happiness and joy and peace. You feel happy when they're happy, sad when they're sad, hurt when they're in pain... You want to protect them, even when you know they can protect themselves. You would fight, kill, even die for them, not because they would ever ask it of you, but because losing them is... unthinkable. It's agony. And all the pain is worth it, because seeing them smile is... it's better than Heaven."

"Oh," Castiel breathed. "Yes, that... that makes so much sense now."

There was a shuffling sound, and the couch cushions dipped beneath shifting weight, and then Sam felt one of his hands being enfolded in Castiel's, the skitter of that unfamiliar Grace held tightly leashed beneath his skin tingling just at the edge of Sam's awareness. He opened his eyes and looked at Castiel, who was beaming at him now from much closer than he had been. "Cas...?"

"Sam," Castiel was still smiling, but it was warmer, softer than the brilliant joy of before, more comfortable and... "Thank you for sharing your feelings with me. I was never able to explain myself adequately to my brothers, and so they frequently drew incorrect conclusions that I lacked the necessary frame of reference to refute or correct. Perhaps now I can make them understand."

"Understand?"

"That I am in love with you, Sam Winchester," Castiel squeezed Sam's hand gently. "My world started the day I took your hand. And I would not have it any other way."

"Cas... I...." He couldn't say it. He wanted to, God, did he ever want to say it back, but the words caught in his throat, too used to being choked back after so many years. "Cas...."

"I know. Sam? Will you hold me again? I enjoyed that quite a lot."

"Sure, Cas," Sam shifted, shoving the whirling of his thoughts back and away, and opened his arms. Castiel released his hand and moved closer, pressing the length of his body against Sam's. He let out a soft sigh as Sam brought his arms up to curl around Castiel, settling in a loose embrace that still managed to fully encompass the Angel's smaller physical frame. Together, they turned to watch the movie, wrapped up in each other and the mutual assurance that their feelings, spoken or not, were returned.

"Tomorrow we'll discover what our God in Heaven has in store...."

=End=

[musesatyourservice]

“The universe is trying to tell us something we both should already know. We're stronger together than apart.”

                                                   Dean Winchester

Indie Dean Winchester from Supernatural

Will RP in AUs and Crossovers.

Open for shipping and open to RPing with all.

(Bio on Blog) and under Read More

General

Full Name: Dean Michael Winchester

Age: Born in 1979, during the run of the show he’s been 27 - 40

Occupation: Hunter, Man of Letters, Member of Team Free Will

Orientation: Pansexual

Religion: None

Location: Anywhere that baby is

Nationality: American

Social Class: Lower Middle Class

FC: Jensen Ackles

Family

Mother: Mary Winchester

Father: John Winchester

Brothers:  Sam Winchester, Adam Milligan

Son:  Jack Kline

Daughter: Emma

Personality

Qualities:  Understanding, Funny, Mischievous, Good with kids, Laid-back, Well-spoken, Bold, Observant, Practical, People-Person

Flaws:   Immature, Avoids emotional intimacy, Ruthless, Aggressive, Self-loathing, Easily Bored, Can lose focus

MBTI:   ESFP-A - The Entertainer

Moral Alignment: Chaotic Good

Enneagram: Type 8 with wing 7 - The challenger with a wing of The Enthusiast

Likes:  His brother, movies, classic rock, his car, anime, hentai, porn, apple pie, junk food, pop culture

Dislikes:  Things interfering with his life, monsters, death

Biography

Notes: I will most likely play Dean as human and as I have not seen the most recent seasons I may be unable to do plots in that time. I will, however, be happy to play him during that age with some information and discussion. I am most familiar with seasons 1-7.

CHILDHOOD

Both Dean and Sam were raised in the hunting life by their father, after the demon Azazel killed their mother. Dean's main role in the series is being the self-appointed guardian of Sam and often going to extreme lengths to protect him regardless of personal cost.

BEING A HUNTER

When he was killed by Metatron whilst using the Mark of Cain, Dean returned as a

demon and a Knight of Hell loyal only to himself. He was then cured by his brother using purified blood. Eventually, the Mark was removed, but the price was that the Darkness has now been released into the world, something Dean tried to avoid. Dean and his brother soon met God who returned to help put an end to the danger to the world. During this time, Dean got through to God about not sacrificing himself and The Darkness about not destroying all of reality and helped them reconcile. As a reward, Dean was given back his mother and was able to return to his usual style of hunting with his family.

With his mother trapped in an alternate reality, Dean set out with Sam, Castiel and the Nephilim Jack to rescue Mary and reunite his family, a situation made more urgent by the upcoming invasion of an alternate reality Michael. Following the reunion of his family, Dean agreed to become the vessel for the alternate Michael in order to finish Lucifer once and for all. Aided by Michael, Dean faced Lucifer in battle and ultimately killed the rogue archangel and ended his long reign of terror. This victory was short-lived as Dean was to be betrayed by Michael who took full control of Dean and became loose upon the Main Universe in Dean's body, his one true vessel. Michael would use him for weeks before he left Dean's body on his own for unknown reasons.

In the days after, Dean struggled with re-adjusting to being himself again as he tried to help Sam on hunts. However, he regain his will and did better in hunting, as he and his family decided to go after Michael and defeat him. Dean also bonded with Jack after learning his declining health. During a confrontation with Michael, the Archangel retook control of Dean after revealing that he left to break his spirits and locked the hunter away in his subconscious. However, Dean manages to trap Michael within his own subconscious shortly thereafter, but is left worried for what will occur if the archangel escapes.

Following a hunt, Dean lost concentration over keeping Michael imprisoned but the latter instead escaped Dean's mind and took Rowena for an alternative vessel while inflicting revenge on Dean. However, Michael was then killed by Jack, saving the world from his influence and freeing Dean of his grasp.

[writingarchangels]

Us Against The World (Nickifer)

Pairing: Lucifer x Nick

Word count: 3.9K

Triggers: death of characters who are beloved by many, violence, blood, skull smashing, hammers, Nick has a hammer, a wee bit of gore. This story, while not containing smoot, is not for the lil ones (it’s ‘Mature’ for violence)

In order to be able to protect his angel, Nick has to make a decision. But in order to succeed, he turns towards his most trusted companion... his hammer. 

Note: I’ve written this as a New Years special on AO3 & Wattpad... finally decided to share it here as well x) I’ve kinda forgotten about Tumblr, so now I got a ton of stories I need to update, whoops?

Nick was done with it all. Everything was becoming too much for him and he felt too fed up to deal with humanity in general. Twirling around his hammer in his hold, he glared at the humans milling around him – each doing their own business. He wasn't too fond of all those people from another reality living in the Bunker – being forced to be 'happy' about Lucifer's ‘demise’ around Sam and Castiel was worse enough as it is, but he also had to act happy around Lucifer knew how many people?

No. That was where the man drew his last straw. He wanted them gone.

All of them.

"Nick, where did you get that hammer?" Castiel asked him, forcing him from his train of thoughts.

Forcing his eyes up to meet the angel's questionable gaze - not his angel - he replied, "I found it laying around. It has a rather calming effect on me."

"If you say so," the Seraphim replied before being called over by Sam and excusing himself from Nick's side, who watched him go in silence. Nick grumbled a bit and focused his attention back on his hammer, twirling it around in his hold and trying to ignore the hateful stares he still received - when looking at him, most were still reminded of Lucifer. But the difference was, when thinking about the Archangel, Nick didn't associate him with the hell as most did.

He felt a slight pulse from within, a stroke of grace, and Nick's heart fluttered. Take it easy, my love. They cannot know that you're still alive, Nick mentally scolded the angel, desperately trying to keep his emotions - and Lucifer - under control. Seeing Lucifer like this; terrified and weakened... it made Nick feel like slaughtering the entire world if it meant the angel would feel more at ease.

Weakened as he was - compared to his former glory - other angels couldn't sense Lucifer's presence from within Nick. The human had made sure to wrap his soul completely around the Archangel's grace, as if to remove all angelic traces that could be sensed from the outside.

Glancing at the Seraphim once more, Nick knew that they couldn't stay like this forever. If Lucifer's grace restored itself even a bit more, it would be beyond Nick's capabilities to hide him. And then they would be hunted and killed before Lucifer got powerful enough to protect them. He wouldn't be able to protect Lucifer.

Why not strike first? Lucifer's voice sounded in his head, out of breath from even having to speak.

Nick's heart clenched together and he stroked with his soul over the angel's grace. Lucifer did not have to say anymore, for he knew what he meant through their bond. No matter how weakened Lucifer might be, their bond would never break.

Looking around at the people all around him, his hold tightened around the hammer. They won't see him coming. They won't expect from the 'broken vessel' to take them down. Nick's eyes sparkled when a plan started to form in his mind.

A dangerous plan... but for his angel, he would do it and see it done.

~~

I can do it. I can do it. I can do it, Nick mentally repeated to himself, trying to keep the erratic beating of his heart under control. He crept through the bunker's corridors, keeping to the shadows as he tried to stay out of sight.

Sam - and a handful of other hunters - had gone out earlier to back-up Mary and Bobby. Something with demons who might know something about Michael's locations; Nick wasn't sure and didn't care either. But he did knew that Castiel stayed behind - and Jack had gone someplace with a few others. So it was time for him to move and set his plan in motion.

How hard would it be to take down one broken angel with clipped wings?

Nick stopped in front of a door he knew the Seraph was behind. The door leading to Dean's bedroom. From the time he had spend in the bunker, he knew that Castiel spends the nights and moments the others were gone in Dean's room. Part of him admired the angel's loyalty towards the man, but he knew he couldn't back down now.

"Are you sure you can do this?" Nick muttered under his breath, too low for anyone to hear but the angel within.

Take... it, Lucifer replied in a gasping breath. So closing his eyes and focusing on the bond between them, the man did just that. The golden grace from the Nephilim - which had saved both of their lives - was still within, hidden by Nick's soul in the same way Lucifer's grace was. Nick had saved what was left for the times he would need it, for when he might be forced to harness their power.

He took some of it now, leaving a bit behind - which Lucifer could maybe use to replenish his own grace once the only one who could sense him was taken care of - and the power coursed through him. Nick's eyes snapped open and he kicked in the door as the grace burned through him like rampaging flames.

Castiel spun around in shock, surprised to see Nick. "What did you do?" The angel asked with a hint of fear.

Nick didn't knew if his eyes glowed red or gold, but he couldn't be bothered with such details, not when he could feel the power wanting to slip away. He held on with all his strength, vaguely being aware of Lucifer helping him doing so. "Something I should have done a long time ago," Nick replied, holding up his hand, "but for what it is worth. I am sorry it had to go this way. You shouldn't have refused him all those years ago."

Castiel fumbled for his blade as his gaze hardened but Nick wasn't about to give him even the smallest chance of survival as he snapped his fingers, unleashing the powers trapped within like they were a caged vicious animal and focusing them on the angel. Nick had never done something like this before, but Lucifer had, and Nick had always watched him - he knew how to do it.

With the snap, Castiel exploded. The only thing that remained from the angel was his trench coat and some ashes. Nick went for a clean kill, so there was no blood.

"One down," the man muttered, "too many to go." But he would take them all out in one go.

Stepping out of the room and closing the door, Nick casually walked away, the power he had used to kill Castiel slipping away from him. Whatever remained, he gave to Lucifer to help him recharge his lost grace. He wasn't worried about getting suspected about Castiel's death.

Nick had it all planned out and it was time to put his acting skills to the test. The corner of his lips curled up in a smirk and a whistle left his mouth as he went towards the dungeon - which has been turned into a room for him to use. He just had to wait there for a bit.

~~

As it turned out, Nick didn't have to wait for as long as he originally expected.

In maybe an hour time he could hear raised voices and footsteps echoing around the bunker as its inhabitants returned and became aware of the Seraphim's demise. The heavy door to the dungeon opened and Nick peeked over his shoulder, seeing a white-faced Sam shakily enter the room.  

"Sam, is something the matter?" He asked the hunter, putting up a concerned expression.

"It's Castiel, he's", Sam's breath caught in his throat and Nick waited patiently for him to finish his sentence, even though he already knew what he was going to say, "he's dead. Gone."

Nick put up a frown. "Are you sure he didn't just go out to take a walk or something?" He questioned, tilting his head slightly.

Silently, Sam held up the trench coat, still white in the face. "He goes nowhere without his coat. It was on a pile of ashes, but no blood." Castiel's death must have shaken him up pretty badly. First Dean's possession by Michael, and now Castiel, Nick could see him breaking apart from within. He could see the man suffer. Good.  

"Ashes?" He acted shocked. "What kind of being could pull that off?"

"Bobby thinks that it's an Archangel, for angels are some of the few beings capable of slipping past our wardings, but we're not sure," Sam's hazel-colored eyes fell on Nick, looking almost hopeful. "You were in the Bunker the entire time, did you notice anything unusual?"

Nick shook his head. "No, sorry. I didn't really leave my room," he simply said.

"Okay, that's fine. Be careful," Sam said, clearly disappointed of his answer, getting up and moving to leave him alone again. Nick understood that the man hoped that he would have any clue about his friend's death, but Nick wasn't about to give him any.

Once Sam was gone, Nick turned back around to face the wall, a slow smirk forming on his face when he heard the footsteps fade away in the distance. Feeling a pulse of celestial grace from within, Nick closed his eyes and tilted his head back. "Be patient, all's going according to my plan," he muttered to the angel, "you should take a rest and focus on regaining your strength. I look after our body for now." When Lucifer settled down again, Nick's eyes opened and he found himself staring at the ceiling.

Standing up from the bed, he went over towards the shelves lined with ancient books, his fingers gliding over the covers as his eyes scanned the titles for anything interesting. He had some time on his hands now, so he figured he would spend it doing research on ways to help Lucifer regain his grace faster.  

~~

It was like that how Jack found him, with his nose buried deep in the books as he made the knowledge they contained his own. In surprise, he looked up to face the child, not expecting to see him here in the dungeon. He didn't exactly saw Jack often and they rarely exchanged words with each other; most of the time, Lucifer's son just looked at him with a frown.

Clearing his throat and closing the book, Nick asked, "Can I do something for you, Jack?" He frowned slightly when he noticed the boy's troubled look. Lucifer stirred from within at that.

"Uhm," Jack started, clearly not sure how to say whatever he had on his mind, "Lucifer, was he... really evil?" He asked as he studied Nick's expression closely.

Nick was unable to completely hide his surprise at that question. "Why are you asking me that?" He asked, taking his turn to study Jack more closely, wondering if Sam suspected him after all and had set Jack up for this like a 'test' of some sorts.

"I was just thinking," Jack frowned.

Seeing no lies but complete honesty and curiosity on Jack's expression - and Nick was rather good at reading people - some of the tension left his shoulders. Jack was just a child who wanted to know more about his lineage. He decided to take the change. "Lucifer was never evil," Nick replied, being careful to refer to the angel in the past tense. Just to be safe. "I like to say he was misunderstood... and hurting."  

From within, Lucifer scoffed at that but Nick decided to ignore him, instead watching how Jack took it. "What was it like?" He asked. Nick frowned slightly and Jack elaborated. "Being possessed by Lucifer."

"It was like being wrapped in many fluffy blankets," Nick blurted out, clamping his mouth shut after that. But at Jack's curious expression, he decided he might as well be damned already so he continued - well aware of the smug Archangel who was listening in on them. "Lucifer made me feel... safe. Like I mattered."

"Sam and Dean tell a different story. Castiel as well."

"They never knew him as well as I did."

"Can you tell me about him?" Jack sat down on the bed Nick was perched on as well, carefully shoving a few books out of the way.

And so Nick did. He told Jack everything, leaving nothing out. He told him about the good and the bad alike. About their triumphs but also their mistakes and countless sins. But he also told Jack about the dreams and hopes that Lucifer had shared with him. For Jack deserved to know. ‘It's better to live in the truth than to live in a lie, no matter how hard said truth sometimes might be to take.’ Lucifer never lied and didn't liked lies, so Nick was not going to start lying now. Not a single word.

And it was not just Lucifer he told him about. He also spoke about the Winchester's, how they always put each other above the entire world and often doomed it along the way. Sure, they tried to fix it all those times. But did they ever learn? No. According to the change in Jack's expression, Nick could tell that the brothers never shared this piece of information with the Nephilim. Interesting.

"They... never told me any of that," Jack muttered, leaning forward and placing his head in his hands. "Lucifer was always the bad guy in the story."

"I'm sorry," Nick spoke, almost awkwardly placing a hand on the child's shoulders.

"Nick," Jack asked after a while, lifting up his head to look at the older man. His eyes were dry. "Was it you who killed Castiel?" Seeing Nick's doubtful expression, he added, "I won't tell anyone... I just want to know if you did it, and why."  

Slowly, Nick nodded his head, confirming Jack's suspicions. "Partly because he was one of those responsible for so much of Lucifer's pain... but also because of what he did to the Novak's, and the things he did in Heaven's name a long time ago."

"The Novak's?"

"His vessel's family. He ripped their family apart. His vessel and vessel's wife are dead and their daughter is a hunter, living a life of danger. Something that Jimmy never wanted for her, I'm sure," Nick replied. "Jimmy Novak was the name of Castiel's vessel."  

Jack turned towards him a bit more. "Do you have a family?"

Nick gulped. "I had. But a man broke into my house and killed them," he looked away for a while, needing a second to compose himself, "it was Lucifer who found me... and saved me." He tried to ignore the fluttering of the grace within, kinda failing at that as a slight blush rose on his cheeks.  

Noticing this, Jack tilted his head in curiosity. Nick waved him off with a slight smile. "I understand that this all is a lot to take in. You should take a while to think it all over and let it sink in properly," he told the Nephilim, "but if you ever want to talk more, you know where to find me."

~~  

After that, Jack had visited him every day, wanting to know more about Nick's time with Lucifer mostly. Nick did not mind telling him, so he answered all of his questions. Of course, he eventually also told him - carefully - that Lucifer was still alive. Jack took it rather well - and even seemed a bit excited, much to Lucifer's joy.  

"Just what kind of spell is this, exactly?" Jack asked, looking through the spell book they had found in curiosity.

"Like a strong colorless sleeping potion which also dulls the senses," Nick answered, carefully measuring some of the ingredients. "New Year is almost here, so I can easily put some in a bottle of champagne and let it go around the bunker. They drink of it, fall into a deep sleep," he picked up his hammer from next to the bowl with ingredients and tilted his head as he looked at the item in his hand, "and then I kill them so they can finally pay for their crimes."

"What did the people from the apocalypse world do?"

Putting down his hammer, he looked at the child. "The Winchester's should have known better than to mess with the balance of the universe. I feel bad for those people, but they are not supposed to be here, in our world," he carefully explained what Lucifer once told him, "if they stay, it will only bite all of us in our asses later on. It will be chaos manifested in our world and then we're truly doomed. We are unable to send them back to their own world... so it doesn't really leave much of a choice."

Jack looked down slightly. "You do understand that, don't you?" Nick asked, at which Jack slowly nodded.

"Will it at least be painless?"

Nick tapped the bowl. "That's why we're making the potion." He started working on the ingredients again as Jack placed a half-empty champagne bottle on the table.

~~

"Is that... champagne?" A woman from the Apocalypse world Nick couldn't bother remembering the name of asked him.

Putting his most convincing smile on his face, "Yes, it is. It's New Years so I figured it would be fitting," he replied, handing her a glass of the bewitched champagne. Back in his dungeon, Nick had mixed the sleeping potion with the champagne and divided it amongst the glasses he could find. He had made sure that he would have enough - he even had a few extra.  

"Oh, thank you. It had been so long since I tasted any," the woman replied, eagerly taking the glass from Nick and taking a sip as she walked away from him again.

Now he had to make sure that everyone got one. He and Jack were going around, handing everyone a glass. So far it wasn't any problem. Apparently, it had been a really long time since they had any champagne so they eagerly took it. Even Maggie - and Mary didn't refuse either.

Lucifer was completely quiet from within ever since Nick and Jack had started handing around the champagne. If the Archangel needed to breathe in his grace form, Nick concluded that he must be holding it. Everything is going well, he mentally reassured the angel, not daring to take the risk to speak aloud - even if it were to be in a whisper.  

Only a few glasses left, Nick walked up to Sam who was watching a TV screen. The show that was on talked about the highlights of the year as they were counting down to the new year. There were about fourth minutes to go. "Hey, Sam," Nick greeted him, watching how the hunter turned around to face him with his haunted expression of having lost Castiel and still unable to find his brother, "would you perhaps like some champagne as well?" He gently offered, holding out a glass with the clear liquid his way.  

Sam looked at the glass of champagne, unaware of the spell put over it, and he took it silently. Holding it up in a silent cheer, Sam gave a slight smile before he drowned the glass in one big gulp. Nick suppressed a smile as he turned around and walked away, but not before giving Sam a pat on the shoulder.

His eyes scanned all the faces in the bunker, to make sure he had missed nobody. Everyone was here, and everyone - except himself and Jack - had a glass of bewitched champagne in their hands. Most glasses were already half-empty. Quickly finding Jack, he stood next to him, leaning against the wall. "Any moment now," he muttered, watching as, after about ten minutes, a few people started to grow drowsy as they swayed on their feet.

It wasn't long before the majority simply fell down like a doll whose strings were cut. The others jumped in alarm before they fell as well. Pushing himself off the wall, twirling the hammer in his hold, Nick stepped between the snoring humans as he slowly walked up to Sam.

The hunter had taken a tight hold of a random table as he tried to stay upright with his legs struggling to keep him up. "Y-You," Sam stuttered, furiously blinking his eyes, "what did you-"

Nick shushed him, placing the hammer against Sam's lips. "Just close your eyes and sleep. It will all be over soon, I promise." He said in a tone as if he were talking to a small child. He watched how Sam sunk lower towards the floor, he watched how Sam's eyes widened when realization settled in. That is was Nick who had killed Castiel... and that he was now going to kill them all as well.

"For what it's worth, Sammy," Nick whispered, lightly stroking Sam's hair out of his face, "I do thank you for looking after me. I liked you, just like Lucifer used to. And I am sorry that it had to go this way. If it makes you feel better, you are going to a better place. You will never be hurt again in The Empty, and I  promise you that Lucifer and I will look after Jack."

Even when being drugged by the potion, Sam's eyes drastically widened at the mention of the Archangel. Nick smiled. "Yes, Lucifer is alive. He's still alive within me," he pulled his hand away from Sam's face, "you shouldn't have taken me in, Sammy. It's about time you payed for your sins, don't you think?" With those words, Sam's eyes finally fell shut and his head rolled back as he slumped towards the floor.

Turning his head to face Jack, he said, "You might want to go outside and wait there. I doubt that you would want to see this. Leave it all to me."

"Please make it quick," Jack asked of him.

Nick nodded his head in a silent promise and he watched how the child left the bunker before he turned back to face Sam. "Again, I am sorry, Sammy," he muttered, bringing back his hammer before slamming it down on Sam's head with a scream, hearing a satisfying crack as he broke his skull and the warm blood spattered all over him - as well as the grey-like brain fluids. Nick bought the hammer down again and again until Sam's face was nothing but a bloody pulp at his feet.

Slowly, he stood up, covered in blood as he tilted back his head. Taking a few deep breaths as he marveled over the adrenaline coursing through his veins and the power it bought him.

He held his hammer more tightly as he walked over towards the next person and slammed in their skull as well. He barely looked at the countless people he killed, he barely blinked as he crushed their skulls and made their blood and other bodily fluids flow freely and covering every possible available surface until they all were beyond recognition.

Completely covered in blood, Nick blankly looked at all the mutilated bodies surrounding him as blood dripped down from his hammer and hands. Casually strolling through the bloodbath, he entered the kitchen to clean himself and his hammer off before he went to see Jack.  

Just when he had decently cleaned himself up and was walking towards the exit, the countdown clock on the TV struck midnight. Glancing one last time over his shoulder, he said, "Happy New Year, you fools," before he exited the bunker, an ancient book under his hand which contained a spell to restore lost Archangel grace.

For now, Nick had to look after them for a bit longer, but it won't be very long before Jack and Lucifer's graces would be completely restored and they could finally be the family they were always meant to be.

Tags: @luciferstempest @kittyhazelnutwashere @gabrielsbackbitches

IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED AS WELL, JUST ASK!!

[nathyfaith]

Chapters: 4/6 Fandom: Supernatural Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death Relationships: Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Sabriel - Relationship, Gabriel & Castiel, Castiel & Sam Winchester Characters: Sam Winchester, Gabriel, Dean Winchester, Asmodeus, Castiel Additional Tags: Kidnapping, Psychological Torture, Angst, Torture, Hell, Hurt Sam Winchester, Sam Winchester's Demonic Powers, Sam Winchester in Hell, Protective Gabriel, Archangel Gabriel (Supernatural), Angel Wings, Angelic Grace, Demon Blood Addiction, Asmodeus is a bigger bag of dicks than Lucifer, Post-Episode: s13e18 Bring 'em Back Alive, Major Character Injury, Major character death - Freeform, Temporary Character Death, Tissue Warning, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Sabriel - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Asmodeus is Asmodeus, Asmodeus survived the barbeque, Will be explained, Prayer, Praying Sam Winchester, Praying to Gabriel, hopelessness, Grief, Angst with a Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Tortured Sam Winchester, Episode: s13e18 Bring 'em Back Alive, Healing, Soul healing, Angel Healing, Sam Winchester Has a Soul, And Gabriel loves it, Flashbacks, Panic Attacks, Dean Winchester Being an Asshole, Brothers, Castiel and Gabriel (Supernatural) are Siblings, Castiel is a good brother, Castiel is a Good Friend, Protective Castiel, Castiel is protective of Gabriel, Wings, Wingfic, Wing body language, wing touching, Hugs, Brotherly Love, Brotherly Bonding, Brother Feels, Castiel is a Sweetheart, BAMF Castiel (Supernatural), Bonds, Castiel Winchester - Freeform, Families of Choice, Castiel & Sam Winchester Friendship, Castiel Loves Sam Winchester Series: Part 1 of Forever In Your Arms Summary:

Written for a prompt by TheRiverScribe.

Asmodeus is pissed. He’s lost Gabriel. Lost Lucifer and Castiel and Jack. In a last-ditch effort to regain control, he goes after his “brother’s” failed experiment: Sam Winchester.

Sam, the one who was supposed to be the Boy-King of Hell. Who was fed Azazel’s blood at 6 months of age. Who was groomed to become the vessel for Lucifer. Who DID house the archangel and then spend centuries in the cage.

Now, Asmodeus, last Prince of Hell, has been juicing on archangel grace. And he’s in need of a replacement pet seeing as his last one was stolen so rudely. May as well try keeping this one on a leash of blood-lust.

Sam doesn’t do well in Hell. The demon-grace blood reawakens Sam’s old powers…and sparks some new ones. But can he keep himself sane long enough to gain control? Will anyone even notice he’s gone? Gabriel was practically catatonic and Cas more worried about Dean and Jack than anything else when Sam was taken by demons on a grocery run.

And time…moves so much faster in Hell…

I don’t know how I missed this fic, BUT GUYS, you gotta read it. It’s SO good. There’s so much angst and the descriptions, omg, it’s lovely.

I’m so hooked.

[hankypranky]

Word count: 1676

Summary:  A door appears in the bunker leading to a bedroom with Gabriel’s comatose body. Sam crosses the threshold, unaware that he cannot return until Gabriel is conscious and strong enough to bridge the gap back into the bunker.

Characters: Sam Winchester, Castiel, Jack, Gabriel

Warnings: Olfactory sensitivities, Wing Kink, Bonding

Part 1 Part 2

Part 3

With no windows, Sam had no conception of the time. The taste in his mouth indicated he slept for at least a few hours. Feeling more coherent, he rinsed out his mouth and inspected Gabriel’s wings. The top, or rather back side had been fully preened, but he was presented with a dilemma. How was he to work through the underside?

He prayed to Castiel, within a minute Cas was at the door. “How are you doing Sam?”

“I think… I think I'm good. Gabriel is here, just not back yet.

Cas jutted his chin out a bit, “Have you been praying to him?”

Sam blushed, “Uh, no.”

“You should sing to him while cleanse his feathers.” Staring into the distance Castiel reminisced, “Back in heaven, before the fall of the Morningstar, we would preen each other. We would sing our love of our father. It was like nothing else.”

Sam wondered how much he missed heaven. If he wanted Dean to groom him as he had with Gabriel. He remained silent.

“Why did you call for me?”

“Well, I'm not sure how to do the underside. I don't know if I can flip him. I don't know how his wings will bend being unconscious.”

“That is a pickle.” Sam raised an eyebrow at the expression. “I can't see his wings, but I can imagine how they must be sprawled out. His wings will naturally retract to a more compact position, so all you need to do is fold them back… Then you should be able to roll him over onto his back. Unfurl them on at a time.” He gestured to the chair and table. “Make sure the weight is supported. “His joints are strong, you only need to be concerned about his primaries.”

“Thanks. Hey, how long have I been in here?”

Castiel frowned, “Almost 2 days. Can I get you anything?”

“Some coffee would be nice, and a sandwich?” Sam ran his tongue over his teeth, “Actually, can you bring my toothbrush too?”

“Ok. I will see what I can come up with.”

Castiel wasn't gone very long before he returned with a bag. “I'm sorry, I couldn't find a way to prevent coffee grounds from mixing in the water pot. There is beer and liquor in there instead.” A little smiled formed on his lips. “Cas continued, “Also, I figured you may want to assemble your own sandwich, everything you would need is in the bag.” He handed it through the threshold.

“Thanks. Any news on Michael?”

His eyes hardened, “No. I believe he is lying low, organizing.”

Sam nodded. “We’ll get through this Cas, we always do.”

Castiel’s face turned red. “How can you say that? You know how futile it is! It's Michael, in his true vessel!”

Castiel’s anger was not a surprise. Sam’s voice was low, “It’s not futile. Our track record isn't the greatest, but Dean is still breathing, so I count that as a win. If anyone has the will power to regain control, its Dean.” Cas pressed his fingers to his forehead and hissed in a breath. Sam wished he could put his hand on his shoulder, to comfort him a little, but couldn't. “Do me a favor?” Cas stared at him expectantly, “Take a shower and put on clean clothes? It will help.”

“I'll take that under advisement,” Cas scoffed. Sam felt a shift in Cas’ mood, “You're doing well with Gabriel. I can tell he is doing better.”

Sam agreed, “I think he is too.”

Castiel’s pursed his lips, “Sing to him.” With his final words spoken, he walked away.

Sam decided to venture into the bag Cas brought. There was a 5 pack of beer, whiskey, a head of lettuce, a few loose slices of bread, a can of raspberry jam, and a knife. Was he supposed to eat a lettuce and jelly sandwich?

Next time he was going to have to ask Cas to order a pizza. It didn't stop him from eating a slice of bread with the jam, washing it with a warm beer. For as long as Cas has been on Earth, it was still surprising how little he understood about food.

Treating it like it was the morning, Sam hopped into the shower. Afterwards, he inspected his reflection in the mirror, a towel wrapped around his hips. His calloused fingers rubbed at the scruff on his face. He was only days away from having an actual beard. The dark circles under his eyes were slightly alarming, but that was his life now. He pulled out the hairbrush that Jack had given him and ran it through his mane.

Having more energy, Sam followed Castiel’s instructions. He used his whole body to lift his wings to allow them to retract. Sliding Gabriel to one side of the bed, Sam was able to roll him over so he didn’t fall off the edge. Then he centered his body, straightening the sheets around him. Still unconscious, his appearance was closer to a deep sleep, than death. Sam fetched his hair brush. Slowly, he brushed Gabriel’s golden locks, lifting his head to make sure he combed all of his hair. Setting the brush down, he massaged his neck. Kneading his fingers up to his earlobes, and then gently tugging on them. He could have sworn he had seen his lip twitch, but he didn’t want to get excited.

Taking a break, Sam sat in the chair and had another beer. He wondered how angels took care of their wings. Was it their grace?

The task before him was monumental. It would probably be another two days before he would be done. Seeing the contrast between the two sides, he felt accomplished with the care he put in.

Self doubt began to creep in the longer he sat there. Would he have enough time to finish before the spell wore off? Would Gabe come return to his body before he was done? Would he feel violated?

The small connection they had formed pulsed in annoyance. Sam stood and went to sit on the bed. Burrowing one of his hands into Gabriel's wings, he scratched an apology and felt a surge of reassurance travel into him. Sam smirked in response and set about preening his interior wings. Their bond merily humming away.

For hours he worked, until exhaustion took root. The turned off the light and laid down on top of Gabriel’s wings, nestling into his side. Having an understanding of their structure now, he wasn't afraid of hurting him. He nuzzled his head into Gabriel's side and inhaled deeply. The aroma of his newly manicured wings filling his loneliness and melting his worries away, he fell asleep within moments.

He felt suspended, as if he were rocking back in forth in an ocean of comfort. He wished the feeling would never end.

The line between reality and dream was blurred when he woke. He snuggled into Gabriel further and clung to the sensation.

When he couldn't deny he was still dreaming, he prayed. ‘Gabriel, I've never felt like this in my whole life. It's been so long since… since I've even held someone.’

A surge of what he could only be described as love stuttered through. Sam relished in it, with small circular motions, he rubbed his hand over Gabriel’s bare chest and returned the emotion.

Their connection settled back to one of peace, stronger than before. Sam sat up and checked for sign of consciousness, but there was none. He checked his pulse, and it was steady.

Sam sighed, and went through his morning routine. He couldn't eat, he knew Gabriel was there, would be coming back soon. His heart skipped a beat at the thought of his return. Things between them had changed, but he didn't know what that meant for them. Would it be like Cas and Dean? No, he wouldn't eye fuck him for years. He would have to make a move. That alone made his stomach do flips.  Would he outlive him? Could he be so patient? When they got Dean back, would they really retire?

A shock came through and stopped his internal musing. That was later. Gabriel had not returned yet, and he basically just told him to shut up.

He took a shot of the Jameson Castiel gave him, and chased it with a beer. Suddenly he was filled with warmth, but wasn't sure if it was their connection or the booze.

Getting back to his task, he moved the chair so he could completely unfurl Gabriel's left wing. The sheer size of his primaries amazed him. Some of them were two feet in length. The milkshake lyrics popped back into his head. Instead of singing that song, he thought about music he actually enjoyed.

Cat Stevens always put him in a good mood. He didn't feel so silly this time. He began to sing, “If you want to sing out, sing out If you want to be free be free Cause there's a million things to be”

As he stroked his fingers through the ruffles of feathers, the strum of contentment was blossomed under his touch. He sang louder and worked his way through the underside. They looked much less frail now that he was done with the larger ones.

You can do what you want The opportunity's on And if you can find a new way You can do it today You can make it all true And you can make it undo You see, ah ah ah It's easy, ah ah ah You only need to know

There was a surge of power and he had to close his eyes. He grasped that feeling and pulled it towards him. It was then that Gabriel sucked in a deep breath.

Sam ran to the side if the bed too see he was awake. Gabriel's honey orbs staring back at his hazel eyes. He clasped the sides of his head and whispered his name.

Gabriel licked his lips. His voice raspy, “You saved me.”

[mittensmorgul]

oooh what if in his mind dean retreats to the dean cave

That was one thought I had... >.>

But what if Dean doesn’t “retreat” at all? I mean, compared to the other cases of angel possession we have, Dean’s circumstance is kind of unique, you know?

Let’s go all the way back to 4.20, when we learned what it was like to be Castiel’s vessel:

SAM : You remember anything about being possessed? Anything at all? JIMMY: Yeah, bits and pieces. I mean, angel inside of you, it's kinda like being chained to a comet. DEAN : Ah, that doesn't sound like much fun. JIMMY: Understatement.

But in the same episode we also get confirmation of what Cas had told Dean in 4.01, that Jimmy had been a devout man who’d actually prayed for that. He went in to this entire deal with the knowledge that he was essentially surrendering himself and his body for Castiel to use. He agreed to it, and aside from a few glimpses here and there, he was resigned to what happened to him while he was possessed. He agreed, and he submitted willingly.

(short digression to also remind people that Jimmy “had a deal” with Cas, that Cas would guarantee the safety of his family in exchange for the use of his body. And Cas? yeah he didn’t quite live up to the letter of that deal, considering the events of 4.20... which he later did much to repent for with Claire, but was clear that he’d always regretted failing on... but it also sets up the standard reminder that angels aren’t operating under the same set of cosmic rules as demons. Sure they need “consent” to possess their vessels, but it need not be INFORMED consent, and they feel little obligation to live up to any of the other conditions their vessels outline in their agreements. Okay, moving on now...)

Fast forward to Sam’s initial experiences as Lucifer’s vessel in 5.22. Lucifer spent a considerable amount of time “visiting” with Sam, trying to “win Sam over” to his way of thinking, by showing him a This Is Your Life sort of montage demonstrating the inevitability of Sam’s destiny playing out through the apocalypse:

Lucifer: I'm inside your grapefruit, Sam. You can't lie to me. I see it all – how odd you always felt, how... out of place in that... family of yours. And why shouldn't you have? They were foster care – at best. I'm your real family.

And just *shudders*.

And we know that Sam was able to take back control, because that had been his goal going in and saying yes in the first place. It just took longer than he’d initially hoped to do so. But Sam was fighting against him the entire time-- not under the hope of being able to eject Lucifer from his body, but in hopes of being able to physically jump into the pit and drag Lucifer with him. Mission accomplished, but it took some major doing.

We next have Sam fighting against a possession of an entirely different sort. In 9.01 the way he consents to possession is... entirely dubious. The angel possessing him specifically erases any memory Sam had of consenting, of possession, of any of it. So Sam was already operating at a disadvantage. It’s yet another example of angels “not honoring deals” when it suits their own needs, as well. Any time Dean tried to make Sam’s possession known to Sam, Gadreel conveniently took over, or erased Sam’s memory, or otherwise manipulated the situation. When Gadreel took Sam over completely in 9.09, he explicitly kept Sam trapped in a sort of psychic bubble universe that was real enough for Sam to believe it was actually real. Even if it’s kind of laughable on the surface of it, Sam just didn’t have the actual ~awareness~ of being possessed in the first place that would’ve given him the ammunition to even question that something seemed off about it all.

When he finally does regain control enough (through Crowley’s explicitly laying out the facts for him inside his little vision world) to eject Gadreel, Sam talks about having some memories of what happened during the time that Gadreel had been in control-- killing Kevin, specifically. But Sam had spent most of his time possessed with Gadreel willingly letting Sam sit in the Driver’s Seat, and largely staying hidden.

Then we have Cas agreeing to possession by Lucifer in 11.10. From a place of abject depression and feelings of like... zero self-worth... Cas believed that Lucifer might be the only one who could stop the Darkness, and willingly agreed to be his vessel. He metaphorically sank into his own little world, holing himself up in the bunker’s kitchen and feeling increasingly useless and worthless once Lucifer locked him down... after that one time Cas fought his way to the surface in order to save Sam’s life in 11.14. When Dean tried a repeat of 9.10 to reach Cas and beg him to eject Lucifer, Cas was unable to break himself out of that pit of despair to listen. And then it was too late when Amara showed up and hauled Lucifer (and by Lucifer I mean Cas) off to torture him...

But the point is that Cas DID consent to that possession, and the only reason he fought against it was to save Sam’s life, and the main reason he allowed Lucifer to take over again after that was because Lucifer was the only one with the power to save Dean’s life on that sub. Oh the tragedy of it all.

But Dean? Now? He went into this willingly, believing he had a “deal” with Michael for one specific mission. He actively felt Michael breaking that deal and taking control. I can’t imagine that Dean would just... go willingly into that, you know? So while he may occasionally feel shoved down into complacency, I truly hope that we’ll see Dean continuing to fight in there, and not just “forgetting” what happened.

And heck, I just watched 3.10. And I watched 2.20 a few days ago. And I made a post about 10.19 the other day. We’ve had a few episodes where we’ve gotten really good looks inside Dean’s head, but it has been a while. I mean, yeah, things like 12.11 gave us a bit of roundabout insight into Dean, but in a painfully indirect way, through the exposition of the LOSS of his memories, and not a sort of direct confrontation WITH his memories.

I am positively on the edge of my seat with anticipation of some excellent exposition on The State Of The Dean in s14. :D

[fallenangelsofthursday]

POSSIBLE SUPERNATURAL SEASON 14/FUTURE SEASON VILLAIN: Adam Winchester

Adam Winchester, Adam Milligan, Michael’s less powerful vessel, The forgotten Winchester. Call him what you want but you’ve got to admit, he would make a great villain and there are many reasons.

Reason #1: He went into the pit in 2010. If the timeline in Supernatural is aligned with the real life timeline, then Adam would have been in Lucifer’s cage for 8 whole years (which would probably have felt like eighty billion years in Lucifer’s pit because of the time speed up in Hell) That would be a crazy level of insanity if he ever got out. I mean, look what happened to Sam after he fully regained his soul AND his full memory of what happened in the cage. So if Adam get out of the cage AND doesn’t die right away from everything that happened there, he could possibly be one of the most powerful villains in the show, maybe even the most powerful entity if he still has normal world Michael’s grace inside him (that might also add to his insanity if Michael is still using him as a vessel because Michael would also have got insane so it might add to Adam’s insanity and chances of survival).

Reason #2: Adam has a reason for revenge against almost everyone in the show. There’s the angels who betrayed him, using him as bait for Dean, not honoring their deal of giving him his mother back, forcing him into letting Michael use him as a vessel after they closed the door on him after Dean got Sam safely out of the room(because do you actually think that Adam would say yes to Michael after Zachariah telling him that he wasn’t good enough to actually be Michael’s vessel and that they were just using him as bait? For his mom maybe, but it would have probably taken a lot more convincing), and getting him trapped in Lucifer’s cage with Lucifer himself where he and Michael were probably tortured way beyond insanity until Lucifer is let out of the cage again, leaving Adam with only the shell of an archangel haunting his mind for many, many years. There is Sam and Dean who failed to save him from Michael by Dean saving and getting Sam out of the room first(which I sort of understand that Sam was Dean’s top priority because, well, they are brothers and best friends, but if Dean had gotten Adam out first, Michael technically couldn’t/wouldn’t have trapped Sam in the room, other than maybe to use him as bait for Dean as well, because Michael couldn’t use Sam as a vessel without disrupting his own and Sam’s destiny, which he did not want to do), by leaving Adam in the cage for year beyond end, without even attempting to get him out of there once (like I know they had to deal with Metatron and Naomi and BMOL and all those losers, but don’t they always say that family comes first?), and there’s the fact that I mentioned for the angels, but Dean could’ve probably avoided Adam becoming Michael’s vessel by getting him out of the room before he got Sam out. And then there are the monsters. The monsters whose fault it was that his mother died and the monsters that killed his mother.

Reason #3: This might not be the best reason, but he probably always felt like he was second best. Yes he had his mother who probably always put him first when she had the time and she loved him, but other than her, he had basically no one who put him first (at least that we know of). He probably knew that even if he got to know Sam and Dean, they would probably set him under the bus the moment that one of them had to choose between him and the other. Yeah, they would (probably) love him, but he probably knew that he would always be the third wheel in that brother bond. Castiel, who probably could’ve brought Adam back up when he did Sam (even though he might’ve been without a soul as well which could contribe to the villain factor if he still didn’t have it), could’ve probably brought him back out of the pit any time that he actually had his powers, but he didn’t. He probably even saw Castiel reaching into the cage and get Sam and didn’t even question it because who was he to Castiel, to Sam, to Dean? A stranger who just happened to have the same blood as them. Always 2nd, 3rd, 4th, or more in line to be saved and that was how it always was. He might’ve been their brother, but there were so many others that would be put before him (they might say family doesn’t end in blood, but apparently it takes time for blood to become family). Then the angels go and raise him from the dead, saying that he had a destiny and was important and finally felt wanted by someone other than his mother and he would finally get to see her again because the angels promised him that, but they were lying because when he woke up for the first time after dying he was met with the faces of the brothers he had never met and was warned about (probably also about how everyone they met and loved died a bloody death and he tried to turn away from them but he still was met with a fate worse than death and the end of the world combined), and he couldn’t leave because they had trapped him there saying it was for his own good and that the world would if he said yes and that they would protect him, but how would they protect him if they couldn’t protect anybody else they loved and cared about? And he knew that their brotherly relationship had ended before it had ever even began because he would do almost anything just to get his mother back, even wreak himself by letting Michael in, but then, he finds out that his whole ‘destiny’ and him being Michael’s vessel was just a ploy created by the angels so that Dean would say yes to Michael and he knew that once again he was going to be put in 2nd place behind Dean and Sam because wasn’t he used to being nobodies last choice already? His father didn’t even know about him until he was twelve and even then he only saw him once a year and was put in last place even for his father who didn’t even seem to care about him enough to see him more that once a year or take him to anything more than a stupid baseball game because his father had more important things to do other than sit around and be a father for a kid who had to be his own father and caretaker (and Sam and Dean had always had a each other, no matter how tough things got or how much they fought, they were lucky to have each other because Adam only had himself and his mother who probably would have worked herself to death if she had not been killed before hand.). Adam was so used to being in 2nd place to everyone, then maybe he could be their number one priority if he caused problems. They would have to make him their top priority if he got their attention. And that was what he really wanted, wasn’t it? He wanted to be number one in someone’s life and needs and the only person who’s number one he was is dead so if he could get powerful enough to bring her back, then maybe he could go back to normal and everything could go back to being normal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adam Winchester was a very underrated character in my opinion. He was used over and over again, by the angels, by Sam and Dean, by the ghouls, and he deserves his time to shine and be known for something other than being Michael’s second choice in vessel and The third Winchester son. So if can’t come back from Lucifer’s pit all happy and join Sam and Dean in fighting crime and the three become the best of friends and closest brothers, then I want villain Adam, who has gone through years and years of torture, some even self-inflicted to hurt Michael, the one he blames the most for ruining his life, who has retreated so far into Adam’s soul (and Adam probably took complete control after awhile because Michael probably just couldn’t take it anymore) he just felt like another part of him, like he was just another regular part of Adam that had always been there, but maybe he had and the second voice that appeared in his head had always been there deep down, always telling him, forcing him, to do bad things and maybe he would start to enjoy it after a while because why should other people have the right to be safe and sound when he was tortured for eight billion years? I want a season where Sam and Dean have to fight their blood because they always say that family protects family and they usually always protect family but they forgot about Adam and sometimes families fight and fight and in shows like this it doesn’t end until one or two are dead. Because Sam and Dean are all about protecting family, but who protected Adam when he needed it as he grew up? No one. Sam and Dean may not have known about Adam and were suspicious of him at first, but he died and they didn’t try to bring him back and he was finally brought back and they had a chance to gain another family member, but they lost him again and could probably have gotten him back if they had tried hard enough, but no. They didn’t try once. And I feel as if they should be confronted by this fact. The fact that while they went and saved everyone else, usually people that they didn’t even know or care about, someone in their family probably spent years waiting for them to come to rescue them, years for someone to hear their wishes, anyone. Years for the Winchesters to be the heroes that all the angels and everyone he had met during those few days he had been brought back to life, had told him they were, but they never did. And that makes me angry. I believe that Adam Winchester/Milligan deserves/deserves better and he needs more recognition even though no one will probably even see or care about this post.