#goodbye agony

[lexapokora87]

[l0k1l1k3smcr]

Is it just me or would Eddie Munson absolutely fucking love Black Veil Brides?

[heartstopsbeating]

Am I the only person who noticed that the coffin Andy (as the Prophet) is lying in in the “Goodbye Agony” video is the same one he was in in the “Coffin” video? Or is that a thing that everyone else in the army noticed and I’m just late to the party? (I was rewatching BVB videos the other day since “Born Again” led to “Scarlet Cross” which led to pretty much every other music video and that detail stuck with me.)

[janerogan]

what if I cried and cried forever. he left him a kiss..............

[honeyblockm]

solid and full of other people's love for each other spilling over, warm leftovers

[nocontext4077th]

[binch-i-might-be]

so. fun fact! brain activity doesn't immediately cease once your heart stops beating and you die. as in, continued brain activity has been recorded from thirty seconds up to TEN MINUTES after a person was declared dead.

another fun fact: hearing is usually the last sense to go when someone is dying.

the very unfun conclusion: musical Philip Hamilton could probably hear and process his mother's scream when she realised he was gone (:

[mleemwyvern]

tango wasn't there.

he didnt get to see his rancher break the curse. he wasnt there when he died.

he never got to celebrate or say goodbye.

[scraemoo]

Oh man I've learned that it's so easy to take things for granted until the very point you lose it

[bloodcoveredgf]

why have i not seen every 80s horror flick in the entire world. there are actually so many i havent seen i have to die but also i can never be killed because then i wont be able to watch all of the 80s horror movies i have access to forever... oh god

[thinkfeelwrite]

The Misery Part 1

When you are so chaotic, emotional, fractured, confused, upset…that you cannot speak about it. When you just drive so that you can feel the pain and cry it all out. When you can’t speak to anyone or look them in the eyes. When you are so lost in a moment that no one can reach you, even though they think they have.

When your emotions are so crushing that you just have to hide yourself. 

When any demands placed upon you, even just running the bath for your babies or being asked to empty the dishwasher, becomes too much because there is no space left in you.

The only way to survive the moment is to make sure you put one load of washing in every day. The only way to survive the moment is to take the washing out of the machine, hang it up, take it down and put it away. 

It’s too much to not let the socks be inside out, they will have to cope with that or wear them like that. 

You can’t fold their trousers anymore, not like you did-its too much to cope with. 

Be careful to make sure there is always milk, bread and toilet roll, run a little shopping errand every day for those things. 

Lay the table like you always did, with the napkins and the table mats. You can't light the candles anymore.

Feed everyone, just like you did-even though there may be your tears in it. 

If they don’t eat, you no longer have the strength to challenge it.

No one will know, if you do all the same things that you did before. 

Just say that you’re going through something but that it will all be ok. Smile at the end to reassure them.

Please don’t “Mum?’ me. I can’t deal with you. I can’t deal with your requests. 

Even though I love you. 

I can’t tell you why sometimes you can see that I’ve been crying. I can’t tell you why, after I’ve cleared away the dishes, that I am always lying down, alone. I can’t tell you why I seem older, why I look older, why I’m moving more slowly. I know you’re cross with me, for being so apart from you.

Please let me be…to work my way out of this so that I can serve you all again, as you expect me too.

This is truly an agony. I thought I’d never be here again. I’m not sure that I can cope. Time is running out and this is all I have now. I don’t have it all ahead of me anymore. It is an ugly thing on someone of your age. It is showing on your face now, in the deep lines on the sides of your mouth.

I wonder how I allowed it to happen. And I loathe myself for it all. Actually I cry for myself.

This is what it feels like to be in pain. To be in a secret pain. A pain that has to stay completely invisible and never be spoken about.

[agonizedembrace]

Their first meeting; what's meant to be just another hunt for Evelynn. Seeking to sate her hunger, nothing more.

At the time, the demon didn't take note to the fierce and determined gaze the rogue held. Only the venom in her words, the sheer will power withheld to resist her charm. It's that alone, that causes her to linger, because not many before her have done such a thing.

Evelynn allows herself to be closer, feathery steps that cease any distance. Her hands that grace the rough skin -- scarred, the demon wonders if she could add to the collection -- ghosting contact. She finds thrill in which the human tenses, muscles that coil at her mere presence.

"Demon," an insult, at least of some attempts. One that hardly even affects Evelynn who chuckles at the idea. It only further drives her, a certain eagerness that holds in her gaze. Eyes that quite literally light up as she circles around her. "Leave."

A mock pout, accompanied with a whine as Evelynn steps behind the human. Hands finally settle, resting on each of her shoulders as she hums in faux consideration. "But darling, you're just so interesting."

The human tsks, rolling her shoulders in a last attempt of ridding contact. Evelynn shakes her head, keeping her grip and presses her chest into the woman's back. Her chin sits ontop of one shoulder, leaving her breath against the bare neck left wide open from the face mask.

Tension fills the air, Evelynn savors the taste. A tease of what she initially wanted, yet far more entranced with the sheer willpower of the human within her grasp. Emotions flourish from the human, a whirlwind that nearly takes her by surprise.

As much as the hand wielding the kunai.

It doesn't get far, Evelynn's lasher faster than the human expects. Muscles strain, the woman attempting to free her arm and hand from the grip with no results. A groan, of slight pain, as she relents and lets the steel fall to the dirt with a pathetic plop. "Oh love, you'll have to be be better than that."

"I'll kill you."

Evelynn laughs, from her stomach. She leans even closer and lets her lips ghost the human's neck. "Is that a promise?"

The woman grunts, desperately trying to rid Evelynn's touch with no prevail. Her gaze is furious, attempting to cut right through her. "Yes."

The night of a blood moon, an excuse for Evelynn to hunt in plain sight. It is then, that they meet again.

This time, in another life for the human.

Summoned by none other than a priestess, whose heart teeters on a darkness that Evelynn cannot resist. The human with dark locks, tied into a messy pony tail and jade eyes that feel too inviting. By now, the demon recognizes the slight hum her chest burns, the excitement that settles within her as the priestess swallows thickly.

"You came," she says, voice wavering.

I made a promise, Evelynn thinks to herself. "You called." Is what she says instead, her smile growing in the moonlight. A glorious red, glistening on present horns as she remains still.

An awkward silence doesn't last long, the human glancing around before sheepishly rubbing at the back of her neck. Yet her gaze turns cold after a moment, and Evelynn is not a fool to recognize the determination that burns. "Your tales... intrigued me."

Evelynn takes the first step, twigs that snap beneath her weight. "So you know who I am."

"Evelynn," she confirms, tense for a moment. The demon knows where the woman's hand lies, the hidden kama within her robes. Ever on the defensive. "Your beauty holds up to their words."

"Careful love," but a smile is already growing, feeding her ego further. "You might just get me to blush."

She won't, but it's always fun to toy with the ever fragile emotions of humans. And it seems that this one holds quite the grip on her own, not breaking the stoic expression as Evelynn takes another step. Interesting.

Within arms reach now, Evelynn extends a hand, one that fully presents her demonic features. Skin that turns a deep red, long lanky fingers that curve into dangerous claws. Her smile remains, devilish as always, as she awaits the human's next move.

And as predicted, the kama that's drawn from her robes. It whips from the right, leaving Evelynn ample time to back up before following the priestess' movements. Her lashers are quick to grasp both arms, a reminder of all those years prior, before she flips both of them over.

They both tumble for a moment, each providing a grunt of pain (or annoyance, in Evelynn's case). While the woman only makes a few attempts of easing herself from underneath the demon's weight, she eventually relents with a twitch of her nose. With a thoughtful hum, she leans forward and finds delight in the way the human presses her face further into the dirt rather than be so close to her.

"Won't you tell me your name, love?"

And oh, the stare she receives is all so similar to their first meeting. The heat held under such beautiful eyes stalls Evelynn for a few seconds, that she nearly misses the feint blush that dons the human's cheek. "If you must know -- Akali."

Her turn to swallow thickly, Evelynn pauses. The soar in her chest, a return of emotions she swore to never resurface consuming her. It is enough of a distraction, that Akali gets the upper hand and pushes Evelynn off her. Slowly does she sit up, her (lack of, she swears) heart pounding against her chest. Cruel is the world, to have her go through this cycle once more.

"You're fast," comments Akali after a moment, not sensing the inner turmoil that consumes Evelynn. A compliment, entirely missed, as Akali is the one to step closer now.

Evelynn collects herself, rising to her knees. Her jaw lifts, a position she's not keen on using for a human, yet she pushes her pride aside. "I could give you so much more."

Everything about her screams the human, the primal desire to consume and at the same time exist along side her. To enjoy, even if a short period, what was taken from her.

Akali scoffs, kneeling down herself only to pick up her kama and sheath it within her robes. "Not yet."

"Is that a promise?"

Slowly standing, the human returns her gaze to Evelynn. Who waits eerily still on her knees. The pleading look that consumes her features, while irresistible to many, seemingly takes no affect on Akali.

Yet -- "Yes."

"I promise Eve -- " a tired sigh that escapes Ahri's lips, hand resting on the demon's shoulder. They'd been at this charade all day, hours that pass by so slowly in anticipation for this so called rapper the fox had discovered and contacted the other week. "She'll be worth it."

To trust Ahri feels wrong -- perhaps it's purely due to the fact Evelynn's aware of her origins. Even with a turn of a new page, it's hard to digest and yet the diva swallows her own pride and grunts out a fine.

Little did she know what Ahri had managed to accomplish -- to meet her again.

Never fully healed, feeling incomplete as years pass. Bitter as she watches romance bloom around her between the centuries, for those who are undeserving. Quite frankly, she could feed off her own agony if she wasn't so stubborn.

It doesn't help that whoever this rapper is arrives late, having to be escorted by their newest member -- Kai'sa -- to the top floor. The door only has to click, beginning to open that something festers within Evelynn. So primal and real that she cannot breath for a moment.

She only has to see such a messy ponytail to know.

"Ahri." Evelynn whisper shouts, because she's not about to scare her away. And all she receives back is a knowing, shit eating grin from the woman. All the while, the so called rapper and dancer enter the room with cheerful greetings that Evelynn barely registers.

When her gaze finally returns to those who entered, she forces a deep breath. Her stance comes off not interested -- for she's far too lost in emotions she's yet again shut away. Arms cross along her chest, raising her head and really, it appears she's looking down at her.

"I'm so glad you made it!" Ahri's voice is bubbly, quite the opposite vibe that Evelynn provides. She's quick to pull the other into a hug, that the demon feels lips twitch at. No, she's not jealous. "I see Kai'sa was able to help."

To which said woman provides a polite smile, already noticeable the quite troublesome aura Evelynn continues to present.

"Yeah, she was a lot of help, thanks."

Ahri releases her from the hug, a hand that lingers on the woman's back that Evelynn narrows in on. Oh, she's going to kill her. "Well, Akali -- this is K/DA! I'm obviously Ahri, and you met Kai'sa already." Her hand gestures to each that she mentions, pausing only as she turns to Evelynn. "And this is --"

"Evelynn."

A chorus of blinks emits from the entire band as both the demon and Akali speak at the same time. Silence takes a grip hold of the room as the two stare each other down, neither relenting before Ahri awkwardly laughs (knowingly, Evelynn is really ready to give her an earful later).

"Great! I see you know of her."

Yet, Evelynn sees the poorly masked confusion that Akali holds. Feels it even. The word left her mouth unintentionally -- like she was possessed to and it certainly wasn't the demon herself that compelled her to do so. As Ahri continues to go on, about the plans for the band and what she hopes for them to accomplish, Evelynn does not draw her attention away.

Lured in, once more, just like all the previous meetings. The ache that returns, desiring to remain close and to not let go.

So it seems the world really does wish to torment her.

"Please -- Eve..." a plea, from staggering breaths as the human clings to her.

This request is not one Evelynn wishes to fulfill, it never is. Too long now does she witness this misery, to be left alone for years to come, only to painfully have her heart torn out anew. To love is her curse, the burden she chose those years ago, and it still continues to torment.

Akali grips her shoulder, strength waning for a moment as Evelynn carefully cradles her in her arms. The river gently wafts around them, down to the pond not too far away. The demon is slow to remove the rabbit mask that dons the human's head, letting it drift down the stream. "You have to let me go."

"I promised --"

Weak smiles, between both. "I know, Eve. I know."

It is Evelynn that's the first to break, tears that begin to carve a path along her cheeks. She could scream at the world at how unfair this is -- but who is she to complain? She is a demon who takes life from others time and time again, only for her own gain. For what is yet another human's death meant to mean to her?

They'd made it this far, near the spiritual world, where the line blurs between that and the living land. They knew the stakes, and perhaps, deep down, Evelynn needed this. Each death, each beginning continue to tore her apart.

For her to die here, would mark the very end.

Never again would she be born anew.

"You did come back," Akali says, letting a hand cup her cheek. "You have to stop killing yourself over me."

Leaning into the touch, Evelynn says nothing. She allows her tears to soak Akali's clothing, letting the unbearable burn of her chest consume her. Anger takes a hold for a brief moment, because Evelynn knows she's right.

This time, it is Akali who grants fragility in a laugh that cracks. That turns into a muffled sob. Evelynn is quick to tenderly hug her closer, lashers that coil protectively around the two of them.

"Will you..."

Evelynn knows what she wants to ask, it cuts through her. A stab to her own chest, to be the one who has to grant an end. Only once before, has she allowed herself to be Akali's end -- to feed off her. This, however, feels different.

Though she doesn't give a response, she shifts her hand from Akali's back. Along her side and finally palming her stomach, bitterly letting her magic begin. It is the first time that her charm takes effect, even after all this time.

That she allows the full force of her charm.

Agony lingers in the air, all around Evelynn as she lets her claws begin to draw into the skin of her stomach. Prickling and creating the smallest pools of blood, a taste she's never longed for. She makes the mistake of shifting her gaze to Akali's face, whose pupils have dilated and -- damnit.

Lost to her charm, but not enough to disregard the real emotions that bid between them.

Evelynn doesn't stop the growl that comes forth, leaning down and bearing her fangs. Akali is fast, pulling her closer and tilting her head to offer her neck. It is an offer she accepts, albeit reluctantly. Her teeth sink in, breaking skin and the surge of further agony swells the demon's senses. A misty wall that drives her to continue, to forget what's actually happening.

Even as her claws run deeper, teeth that continue to sink into her neck -- this is one of her gentler kills.

"I love you, Eve." Takes her by surprise, all motions ceasing at such strained words -- at such a confession. She knows this, it is a feeling that continuously dwells within the human, that she finds comfort with, but to hear it now shatters a part of her. They are words she'll never hear again.

Love has always been her downfall. What has made her weak.

The words linger -- they WANT TO BE HEARD, but Evelynn cannot speak them. Instead she does the one thing she knows.

From a gentle to one of her most brutal kills in a matter of seconds, and just perhaps this was Akali's intentions. Evelynn's emotions have always been her biggest weakness (besides for the human herself), and as she rides the upmost high of the agony she feasts upon. That she allows herself to be lost in -- it feels empty.

SHE DOESN'T WANT TO FEED.

Even as lashers continue to tear apart Akali, as she holds on for seconds more to the last of her life. Evelynn draws away from her neck, to witness the last of her tender gaze. To witness there's no remorse, no bitterness. Just acceptance.

Her life passes with a smile.

There's no more pulse, her body is but a bloody, limp mess in her arms that stains the river they reside in. Evelynn should feel fulfilled, a meal that's been statisfied.

Instead she feels nothing but pain. Longing for a love she'll never have again, a burn that'll consume her from the inside out, until she's nothing more.

Evelynn still grips the lifeless body as she begins to shift, trudging down the river until she hopelessly allows herself to collapse in the middle of the pond. Where the rabbit mask gently drifts, nudging her in the hip.

Bloody hands lift it, creating stains on the white porcelain before she finally lets out a heavy sob.

"I love you too."

[lo-cinno]

Bday gift for @callilouv (derogatory)

You had received a cordial invite in the mail today. Well, I suppose it would depend what exactly you would consider cordial when this was what you received:

The meaning behind the words written and its sender were certainly clear. Yet, this was certainly a rare sight. For him to reach out to you first rather than the usual other way around, you could only wonder what exactly he was planning with this. Though, you couldn’t deny the beating excitement in your chest as you got lost in your thoughts.

You had read it over and over; staring at his name that was signed in the corner. He didn’t really specify a time. You wondered if you should just head on over there right now? Would it be too soon? You really wanted to see him after all…

Fuck it. You basically shot up and got ready in record time, rushing out the door as if your life depended on it.

When you arrived at Corvid’s Roost, the tavern was quite empty given how early it was still. You walked up to the bartender who looked at you. You then slowly realized something a little too late. You forgot to bring the invite. Shit.

Luckily for you, it seems they recognized you. They gestured for you to take a seat and wait. Did he expect this? He probably, no, definitely did.

The bartender then disappeared to somewhere further within the tavern as you fidgeted impatiently in your seat. Your mind was blank, yet also rushing with a million thoughts of what he could possibly have planned for you.

A while later, the bartender returned with what seemed to be a key in their hands. They handed it over to you, giving you instructions on where to go before returning to resume their work.

You tried your best to follow along the instructions, walking further into the tavern in hopes you don’t get lost somehow.

You arrived in front one of the rooms deep inside the tavern that seemed to be separated from the others. Was it his room? No point guessing. Better to head it and find out you supposed.

Opening the door with the key you were given, it unlocked easily with a click. You took a deep breath, and opened the door not knowing what to expect.

The room was dark. You couldn’t exactly make out anything in there. Yet, you headed on inside with slow footsteps.

The door closed behind you with another click, leaving you standing alone in the dark. What does one do in this situation usually..?

Well, you didn’t get much time to think as you felt something snake around your waist. You flinched, but then felt a breath by your ear, making you shudder and freeze in place.

“Relax, my lamb.”

You heard a familiar voice whisper by your ear that sounded like the one you were looking for. Shock ran through your body as you called out his name in surprise. Wait. Did he just call you his?!!

“Who else would be here in my room?”

He huffed out at the call of his name as you felt a weight rest on top of your head. You simply stood there, not quite sure what to do, until he spoke again.

“I had a feeling you might rush on over here as soon as I left that letter, though I must admit I didn’t expect you to be quite this fast. Were you really that eager to see me?”

“Well, no matter. You showed up like I expected you to. That’s good enough.”

Releasing his hold on you, he turned on the lights, stood back up and walked towards the door. You thought he was going to leave already, but he simply retrieved the key you left at the door after unlocking it.

“I was thinking on it a bit, but as bad as a decision this might be, I’ve decided to let you make a wish for this day you consider special instead.”

He says, walking back to you with the keys in his hand. He then took your hand, and placed the keys in your palm.

“Of course, I’ll be the one granting it. As long as you don’t think of anything too absurd.”

“You can keep these keys as a gift as well. I’m not in this room often anyways. You’re free to come and leave. Just don’t expect to find me here.”

He closed your hand around the keys, and flipped it around, bringing the back of your hand to his lips.

“Happy Birthday, Cal.”

[chiisana-lion]

aware that i have responsibilities but what if i simply ignore them

[latenightsimping]

disabled people: do you ever realise you've pushed yourself just that liiiiittle bit too much and you can feel the flare on the horizon

[dirtboy-merc]

SPOILER ALERT FOR THE ENDING OF CYBERPUNK 2077 DON’T READ IF YOU HAVEN’T BEATEN IT 

the way johnny and V’s relationship develops and evolves is such a powerful thing to me. it’s one of my favorite parts of the game. they start off opposing each other, wanting to get rid of each other - always clashing. johnny wants to destroy arasaka and wants to use V to do it. V just wants johnny out of their head. it’s a very... strained relationship to say the least.

but as time goes on, the two start to develop a type of bond that feels so genuine and real. they still bicker and push against each other, but in a warm way. they start to genuinely care about each other. johnny’s goal of wanting to fuck up arasaka is still there, but in the end, his true goal is to save V’s life. and that’s really something. johnny was such a raging asshole in life. selfish, arrogant, rude, destructive... he only did things for himself, and used whoever he needed to achieve that. johnny could have just waited for the relic to do its thing. take over V’s body. live again. instead, he rejected that notion and willingly sacrificed himself for V. a selfless johnny silverhand.

their goodbye in mikoshi made me fuckin’ cry like a baby. the way their little bickering dynamic was still present, but it hurt. they knew this was the end of the line, and it was painful. johnny completely rejects the idea of taking over V’s body and tells them not to do it. V lashes out at him, telling him he had no idea what this feels like, and johnny says, “we know that attitude. see, V? staying with you whether you like it or not.” and V doesn’t want to accept that. they say, “for fucks sake, defend yourself. you’re not even trying!” johnny not fighting or pushing back really means it’s the end. this is the end and V doesn’t want to accept it.

johnny is looking away from V, and you can tell it’s because this is really emotionally difficult for him. saying goodbye to the only person who saw him for everything he was and accepted him. he can’t look at V because it’s too hard. and he talks about what V has taught him, and how even though they were separated, a part of him will always be with V. it’s such a contrast to our first interaction with johnny, which was actively hostile and very aggressive. but here, there’s only warmth and love between the two, and you can feel it. because saying goodbye to johnny is equally as hard for V.

couple that with the music, and the way johnny places his hand on V’s shoulder and says goodbye. the look on his face. it’s so fucking heartbreaking and i cried like an absolute bitch.

i see a lot of people ragging on johnny and really disliking him as a character, and i mean, i can see why. he’s a jerk. but the way you can knock those barriers down and actually develop this strong bond with him and seeing how it changes both johnny and V... i think it’s something special.