#gordon‚ i feel normal

[lovedtogekiss]

pronouns dot page / carrd

^ my kin and headmate lists are here

pfq / artfight / flight rising / goatlings / ao3

auagahhhh tags guide

dreamstag : dreamcore/"liminal"/other surreal types of images, mainly there for filtering rather than searching.

[character]posting : kinnie/headmate tags. i have a lot of kins and thus a lot of tags so i wont list each one. most important one is #addiposting, which i use so often that its the first tag tumblr suggests to me

is this anything : original jokes that i made myself with my own two hands

gender envy tag : i cant describe my gender in words so heres a collection of tumblr posts that fit

life skills tag : shit that might be helpful to know for life and shit

art skills tag : drawing advice. early tag is full of references that i need to filter out

ref tag : art references

bookmark tag : things i want to see later

SUPER bookmark tag : things i want to see later that i dont want to get lost in the bookmark tag

sfsh tag : i am KISSING these characters !!!!

> shaplin tag : a derivative of #sfsh tag that i created before i had that one. pictures of shaplin deltarune my beloved cringefail

> spamton tag : same as #shaplin tag but for spamton

[fandom] tag : fandom-specific tags. currently used for rhythm heaven (rh tag), kingdom hearts (kh tag), parappa the rapper (parappa tag), pikmin (pikmin tag), sky: children of the light (sky tag), subnautica (subnautica tag), flight rising (fr tag), no straight roads (nsr tag), and the ultraman series (ultraman tag)

something something predatory wasp of the palisades : tag for things that make me think "oh humanity is good after all"

[tumblr] tag : tumblr poetry

gordon, i feel normal : 😳

robot fuckery : deprecated. legacy tag for obj posts, now replaced by @cybersexisholy . i need to go back and clear this one out

for the adgroup : posts targeted towarda viddy and cakesy

posts about charaty : targeted things towards my girlfriend

mecore : posts that make up a key part of my worldview, whether theyve influenced it or just put it into words. used to be something else but i forgot what it was and tumblr recently stopped suggesting old tags to me again.

the cube, the angel of aperture (chell) : very cool, very important-looking pictures of chell portalgun.

the artist, the visionary, the prophet (dr rattmann) : very cool, very important looking pictures of dr rattmann

the fool, the hanged man (wheatley) : very cool, very important looking pictures of wheatley

the right man in the wrong place (dr freeman) : very cool, very important-looking pictures of gordon freeman

beloved - tag for harry du bois. yeah that guy

me abt pao : things relevant to my experience writing pinkaddiofficial that i didn't feel like reblogging to it

doing that thing i do : peer-reviewed tags

friendlyfriends : my fend s :)

more will be added as i remember them

[saintaviator]

something something gman tommy something something gordon in stasis. you know how it is.

[welcometogrouchland]

Was skimming through some Dixon era BoP for no particular reason and came across a scene where 3 DIFFERENT MEN (Dick Grayson, Ted Kord and Jason Bard) all show up to Babs' door at almost exactly the same time bc they're all in love with her.

Birds of Prey (1999) #19

Which is, A) really funny on its own and B) actually extremely based from a representational view. Oracle was important as disability rep in comics for a lot of reasons, one of which being that she got mad bitches in her wheelchair. She had too much swag and they had to kill her

[dammixxed]

ill draw more of them tommorow fadjfsdgfjkf

[cozmic-ash]

Gordon/Barney/Alyx is really really funny to me conceptually bc it's like, two hot geniuses in their 20s who look at the 40-something smartass who hangs around and go 'yeah that guy. we both want him carnally'

[marionmorse]

Meet my OC whose superpower is making everyone in a 300 ft radius chill the fuck out, but they A:) aren't aware and B:) don't care, so there's this one grocery store in Gotham where everyone who visits is just really cool with life if this one cashier is working

Like, some fucked up "oh man Joker/Scarecrow/Two-Face sure poisoned the air/water again" kind of battle is going on that crashes in through the roof and everyone just kind of, doesn't care anymore, just starts buying groceries and wishing each other a nice evening.

"oh my! victor freeze it seems you've misplaced this bag of oranges!" "oh... you've gotten me again, batman! i will put these where they belong, this time..!" until they get back to their various lairs and realize what's happened. Yeah that's my oc thanks.

[fancygremlin]

I am starting to believe that both Warren and Gordon have dealt with a lot of childhood trauma, but they developed different responses as a way to try and protect themselves. In terms of emotional responses, I think Warren's instinctual reaction to potential danger is a freeze response, while Gordon's is a flight response.

This is going to be a long one, so the full analysis goes under the cut.

Warren and the freeze response

A freeze response involves the person not responding, reacting or acting against a perceived danger or threat until it passes. Sometimes it precedes a fight or flight response.

I believe Warren 'freezes' when he has to deal with physical and/or emotional threats. This seems to be a behaviour that persists with the character since his early childhood:

If we look at how he talks about this, two thing immediately jump out: firstly, he says he "would always do everything [he] could to avoid being hit" and, secondly the emotional response he associates with being confronted or challenged is fear. Both of the aforementioned points seem to suggest that he prefers to keep himself apart and invisible/ unseen (hence, immobile, silent and difficult to notice) from people or situations in an attempt to not provoke or generate reactions or situations that could cause him hurt or distress. When he fails to do that, he does not respond to aggression, but maintains a passive demeanour until danger passes. We have seen that when confronted, he never matches the anger of the other person, never responds to provoke an emotional response. He doesn't match the tone, emotion or energy of the situation. He doesn't empathise, or try to appease the other person either (that's more akin to a fawn response). Instead he stays very still and silent... turning himself into a punching bag until the moment, distressing situation or danger has passed.

This is seen on multiple occasions throughout the podcast... like when he has a confrontation with his sister at their father's grave, he doesn't react aggressively. And again, he doesn't react much when he is called by a very (reasonably) angry Karen while he is on his impromptu road trip with Gordon. This specific behaviour is particularly evident during the Season 1 finale (ep.5 and 6).

In episode 5, Warren seems almost catatonic, despondent and lifeless from the moment he listened to the tape and all the way to the Red Valley research facility. He clearly had not talked or reacted to stimuli from the moment the cassette ended:

Throughout the rest of the next episode, his tone remains flat and measured, and his demeanour dejected and almost mechanical... despite his whole life falling apart he is doing nothing to ensure his safety. He is just passively taking everything in and letting people do and say to him anything they want and treat him in whatever way they want.

Even when Clive berates, ridicules and taunts him, Warren remains still and, for the most part, silent. He just asks to talk to his wife Karen Bryony repeatedly, always in a flat and measured tone of voice. It does take Clive a while, but he does get a violent reaction out of Warren in the end.

Warren therefore, seems to switch from a freeze to a fight response if everything becomes too overwhelming or difficult to bear. I think it is possible that this switch from freeze to fight mode is what caused Warren to land himself in prison. I can't begin to speculate what or who caused such distress that Warren had to resort to this to protect himself... but I am leaning towards something revolving either around his dad or his family.

Returning to ep.6, Warren doesn't fight back or react much or at all after being apprehended and sent to the cryogenic pod:

I also think that his disinterest, defeat and lack of reaction when Gordon visits him and suggests they could try to escape is a freezing response (but he is hooked up on morphine, so maybe his calmness is due to that).

The freeze response was most certainly a learnt behaviour that Warren learnt would keep him safe when dealing with the turbulent family situation at home. I feel like the main things Warren got out of his childhood trauma are a freeze response to danger, an inferiority complex, and probably a lot of issues with self esteem and self worth. All of these are definitely going to affect him and the way he behaves, his choices and actions throughout the rest of this podcast.

I think that this childhood experience impacted Warren so much that even in adulthood he will never (or at least, he will find it very hard to) fight back. Even when the people closest to him are going to hurt him, and even when he truly thinks he doesn’t deserve it. No matter what, he will always feel like the little kid that had to face off his own dad: too small and too powerless to really do anything to protect himself.

[As a side note: it is such a cruel irony that the character that gets cryogenically frozen twice (as far as I know, I have just listened to Season 1) developed a freeze response to danger.]

Gordon and the flight response

The flight response involves a person removing themselves from the perceived threat. This can be done by either physically or emotionally distancing themselves.

Gordon was a bit trickier to figure out, but one part of the last episode of the 'While You Were Hypersleeping' made it click for me: his instinct is to put physical and/or emotional distance between him and the perceived threat.

I think this is again, a learnt behaviour that stemmed from an unstable and emotionally charged family situation. It is alluded that Gordon does not like confrontations or people raising their voices around him. This behavioural response is observed when Gordon was listening to some of Warren's tapes. The latter was expressing his strong disappointment about a movie he watched, when Blue Sky begins to speak over it to refer information about an actor that was mentioned in passing. The cacophony of overlapping voices (that almost seemed to be aggressively arguing or disagreeing about something) caused Gordon to feel in emotional distress, to the point that he had to shut both the recordings and Blue down:

Gordon definitely has carried this coping mechanism into his adulthood too.

Let's begin with some examples of how Gordon has physically distanced himself from danger. In the Season 1 finale, he is incredibly insistent on running away and proposes this option at any chance he gets from the moment he and Warren find the research facility. Furthermore, as Clive is interviewing Warren and things start to get heated, Gordon offers to make that tea for everyone. Making tea was a good excuse as any for Gordon to physically distance and remove himself from the emotionally charged situation.

Gordon also routinely distances himself emotionally from distressing situations by wedging pop culture references between himself and the perceived danger of threat.

One of the most prominent moments in which he uses this coping mechanism is throughout the whole segment that leads to the Red Valley research facility. During this, he keeps making references to common and well known horror movies. For example, when he finally finds Warren at the entrance of the research facility, he makes this comment:

He continues to make several horror movie references as he continues to work at the research facility... probably as a way to cope with the loneliness and distress caused by his exceptional circumstances. For example, in episode 2, Gordon finds another of Warren's tapes and after listening to it, it dawns on him that the cohort of subjects used for the cryogenic research are all convicted felons. That includes Warren... and Gordon is stuck in the same building as him. Alone. In the middle of nowhere.

Gordon, understandably feels distress feels the need to flee and nearly takes off with his car, never to be seen again... but then he reconsiders and stays. In episode 3, Gordon makes a very big reference to The Shining movie:

This comment demonstrates the amount of distress Gordon is in, and how he is still using media to distract himself from the distressing situation.

Interestingly, it seems that this coping mechanism works a little too well sometimes… In the last episode of the 'While You Were Hypersleeping' miniseries, Gordon makes a comment that shows his complete emotional detachment from the situation at hand, going so far as considering the facility as not part of "the real world":

The reason why Gordon displays this behaviour is stated in one of the recordings he makes in the 'While You Were Hypersleeping' miniseries:

Gordon does not feel safe in expressing distress, anxiety or any negative reaction in front of people and requires physical distance from a dangerous situation and solitude in order to properly process these 'unwanted' emotions. He confesses all this in front of Warren's pod, knowing that his friend cannot hear him and will never know anything about this.

I don't know if I am assuming too much from too little, but it seems that Gordon grew up in an environment where he was never quite safe to let his emotions and feelings be expressed, accepted or heard. As a defence mechanism, Gordon has learnt to use his interests and passions as shields, or layers between himself and the outside world, when he perceives it to be dangerous or hostile. He only allows himself to be vulnerable when he knows he is alone and no one can hear him.

That's why he flew under Clive and the company's radar and was considered a "stillwater"... because no one cared to look too closely to understand or know him. I think that the only possibility for Warren to get to know his new friend is to comb through all the recordings and tapes Gordon has made over the years and peel each of the carefully constructed layers back until he gets to see the real Gordon.

To conclude this analysis on a sweeter and nicer note...

I like how just before Warren was about to go under cryogenic sleep, Gordon (while being under a lot of stress and anxiety and worry himself) doesn't hesitate to try and distract him from the distressing situation by bringing up a tv show they both of them happened to watch as little kids:

It was a very neat moment where they truly connected.

BUT ALSO!!! I see what you did there!!! Warren being a name for a rabbit's burrow, and rabbits being animals that go for the flight response when facing danger... I see what you did there and I am crying about it!

[hollypies]

Redrawing/remaking my HLVRAI flowercrown au!! Benrey and Gordon are up first!! (If anyone's curious you can go looking for my old flowercrown au stuff, just be noted its was made four years ago LOL and all the old info is completely irrelevant) click for better quality, tumblr killed it 💀

Up next, Tommy and Gman Coolatta!

In the old version of the plot for this au, it had a lot to do with it being a game and such. However over the years it's changed! No longer a game, instead the Rescas explosion seemed to have had a .. strange affect on Gordon, due to him being right next to it. At least, that's what they all believe at first.

[istoleludwigsbaumkuchen]

I will not let fear of being cringe consume me, please look at my gay little bags

(I know the bathtub shaker got moved, the chainshipping bag pics are old don't kill me 😿)

Meant to post the chainshipping one ages ago but I think I got nervous and forgot but I won't let that get me this time

Rambles, wip pics, and artist credits under the cut

I didn't take anything from the chainship insert for the new one, I did in fact buy duplicate pins and remake the tape cause I really like them (also did the same background, but you can't really see it on the new one)

I definitely feel like the new one is better put together, I was aiming for the more decorated and like, well designed styles of ita bags I've been seeing, so I did actually work on a digital mockup before I bought anything, and I think it came out pretty true to concept (ignore the rulers please) (also I know I added the same image twice but I wanted a side by side comparison)

And here's the 3 wips I have, I did in fact have to fold, pin, sew, and gather all of the lace by hand because the store only had pre ruffled lace in red, white, and cream, but let it be known, I am dedicated to that stupid fucking twink!!!!!

Also guys, rosettes really are just mums with pins instead of flowers, so uh, Texas win ig

The insert is just cardboard with white painted cotton, which I hot glued, then added the lace (also with hot glue) and then used (shocker to everyone) more hot glue to put felt on the back to cover the raw edges

Also good day to be both a saw and twin peaks fan, I already had microcassettes on hand cause I have one of the (almost) same model of dictaphone cooper has (Would've gotten the same one but I love red and black so I had to get the red and black version)

I also added the grommets and side ribbons myself :]

Okay now credits for everything

Adam bag:

- Tapes, keys, rosette, and insert: Made by me

- Toploaders: Bellabox13 (etsy) [I will say, she was lovely to work with, I've never gotten any photocards or toploaders so it was really nice to have someone who was both understanding and competent, as I am not in this field. And her prices are honestly a little low, she did both the deco and printed the photos, all custom]

- Dangle charm: CoywolfCollections (etsy)

- Top middle smoking pin: Imolife (etsy) [Got this one custom printed, definitely a decent print and quality for the price, they are a full safety pin style back, so its a little annoying to pin correctly, but not the end of the world]

- Redbubble pins

- Camera: moththerapist

- Rise and shine: Frogyjones

- Nurse: gingereerie

- Smoking: Magneticharles

- Headshot: sophiedrover

(Including the shaker with the other one so all of the zine merch is together)

Chainshipping bag:

- Mini pins: Endsvillemall (etsy)

- Sticker: yelloartshop (etsy)

- Bathroom shaker: Tinymintwolf collab w/ CoywolfCollections (etsy)

- Redbubble pins:

- Top three pins + bottom middle: gingereerie

- Rise and shine: Frogyjones

- Bottom right (you can't see all that well but its a drawing of the love scene): PoisonedC00kies

- Game Over zine merch

- Bathtub shaker: himejiangshi

- Adam heart pin: octo.babe

- Matching spiral pins: surgitart

That should be everything I'm pretty sure 💥💥💥💥

I may be slightly embarrassed but like, I do not think I should be, so enjoy

[zer0point5ive]

“how did i get here? i had everything in order. my whole life was in perfect order” really was crazy considering that was .. simply not true but. if i said that ‘in perfect order’ means something very specific to lawrence

if i said that, for lawrence, order is being able to maintain the facade of being the perfect family man, the doctor with certificates on his office wall and a wedding band on his finger, the guy who also attempts to pursue an affair with another woman because he’s desperately trying to convince himself of .. something

creating this narrative around himself and making sure everything he thinks he is or wants to be is maintained in little boxes, meticulously organised to the point that it’s falling apart in front of his eyes and it’s still ‘in perfect order’, it’s still preferable to the alternative .. having to face himself. and then ! well then he wakes up locked in a room with his choices that led to this point laid bare

chained up with no way out as he’s suddenly forced to confront it all, a front row seat as the careful persona he’s built crumbles before his eyes when the man opposite him pulls out a bunch of photos. lawrence, who’s so careful to only be perceived in a very specific way, who presents himself as this guy he’s created, is suddenly faced with someone he can’t hide from, someone who’s seen at least partly beneath the exterior and developed it in black and white. lawrence, who claims that he’s never in photos, suddenly being faced with this reality of himself being captured in the flash of adam’s camera

[taintedkisses]

something i was thinking about this morning; in saw iii when we see the flashback to amanda helping set up the bathroom trap along with john, she just. throws the key on top of adam instead of attaching it to something—like his leg shackle—in case the drain plug is pulled. adam was set up to lose from the start before he even had a chance, and im 99.9% sure that wasn’t what john wanted or asked her of.

i don’t see why john would include the key into the equation in the first place if adam WASNT supposed to have it and unlock his shackles. or even both of their chains?? we see how adam is forced to use the drain plug to even achieve the tape player, so i assume that he should’ve been able to find the key, unlock his chain, and walk over?? then again it kinda gets twisted because. of the two hacksaws and how lawrence points out that they were most likely intended for sawing off their feet??? idk i’ve. been up since 9. and im fried.

anyways gn saw fandom (btw i love amanda . this wasn’t meant to be an attack just something i’ve been thinking abt all day)

[marcelineuntitled]

them again <3

[failed-inspection]

you know that one post that goes something like

'tragedies where the love was there. it didnt change anything. it didnt save anyone. there were just too many forces against it. but it still matters that the love was there'

Yeah, to me Spearmaster's Campaign is that

[npdbenrey]

habpy valentines day. me and the bad bitch i pulled by being autistci

extra drawimg

[hyp3rfixation-h3ll]

zac as a character was made entirely too soon for his time. conceptualized in the age of the twink but you KNOW if he was a human he'd have a soft muscular dad-bod and he'd be cute as FUCK . he was truly ahead of his time