#gotta kick that horse til it's dead

[nicovania]

every poll on this site for the next three days

[illuminated-cowboy]

Stag Serenade

Chapter 2

Wildfire

 Arthur shoved his hand into the dirt, feeling absolutely nothing as he phased right through it. He pulled through, trying to dig up at least a small amount of the loose soil, but he couldn’t manage.

An idea occurred to him, maybe he couldn’t dig up his body, but if he could get to his body, maybe he could dig himself out?

He reached in again, attempting to pull himself through while not being able to push off anything. He just floated in place in the dirt, kicking his feet as he tried making sense of the physics of being a ghost.

He realized there weren’t any.

“Come on, there’s gotta be a way to do this.”

“Are you still trying to get to your body?” a disembodied, yet not unfamiliar, voice embarked.

Arthur groaned, knowing it was his immortal curser again, “Yes I’m still trying to get to my body, dumbass!”

“Here, I’ll make this a bit easier for you.” With the sound of a finger snap, Arthur found himself face to face with his own body, cold dirt surrounding his almost fresh corpse.

“There you are, you ugly fool.” Arthur rolled over and held his own hands, what was left of the right one at least. Like a glove, he slid himself in, relaxing until he felt a click, a bump, something. He really wasn’t sure how he’d know when he was truly back in his own body again.

“I’d like to warn you of something, Arthur.” The strange man’s voice called out again.

“And what might that be?”

“Once you’re in your body again, you will not be able to die. But, you will feel like you are dying.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean? Because so far feeling dead has just frustrating.”

“Just a warning. I felt like it would be wrong not to warn you.”

“Right, but you didn’t feel it would be wrong to offer a dumbass like me immortality only for me to think you were joking, did you?”

“Oh come on now, there are so many possibilities ahead of you. You could become the smartest man in the world by the time you’re 1000. You’ll witness firsthand all major events going forward, even the end of the world most likely!’

“Right. So how long until I-Argh!” A sudden jolt of pain made its way through Arthur’s body, his lungs felt crushed and scarred, his torn arm began bleeding heavily as every nerve began to gain feeling again and his heart started pumping his old cold blood throughout his veins.

“Fuck! You son of a bitch, fuck you!”

“Good, you made it before there was too much nerve damage. I’ll leave you to it then.”

Arthur fought against the uncomfortable feeling of dirt entering his nose and eyes, the earthy taste and unpleasant crunch filled his mouth as he screamed in agony. Realizing he could only use one arm, he reached up above his face, trying his best to angle himself in a way that he could lift himself up without packing the dirt down on his lower half.

I will kill that bastard if I get the chance, I will rip his fucking throat out for doing this to me. I just wanted to be dead already, fuck!

He felt himself moving upward, a positive result for sure. He felt a spiritual power surge through him, it helped him to keep going harder and harder despite feeling weak and exhausted.

Finally, he reached air with his hand. A couple more breaths and one final pull, and his head emerged, like a mangled newborn baby. He screamed and cursed at the world as he burst through, dragging his revived corpse away from his grave and over to a tree to rest. His arm was done for, once he had his strength back he’d have to cut it off completely.

He spit out particles of dirt and blew black snot from his nose, coughing up far more than blood in-between. He struggled to breathe, every breath felt like eternity and the satisfaction of an oxygenated lung was far from grasp. He looked to the moon to take his mind off the pain and misery he was feeling, it illuminated his dirty, dampened features and reflected off his eyes gloriously. He couldn’t see himself, but he was sure he looked like a dead man walking.

Once he was sure he had hacked up every bit of dirt and blood left in his body, he reflected on the coming sunrise, realizing an entire day had passed since he had died. This was a sunrise he was never meant to see, and he wasn’t sure if that made him feel like a badass for cheating death, or a miserable man cursed to walk a world he was never intended to walk.

He finally felt recovered enough to rise to his feet, a dull ache radiating through his body and intensifying with every step. He wasn’t sure where he was even going, but he was sure if he walked long enough, he’d end up at a lake where he could wash up eventually.

He performed a dance of dragging his feet, groaning to himself, and taking large, unplanned steps in one direction or another. Sometimes he caught himself going in a small circle, and he’d have to recalibrate and jolt himself to the opposite direction.

The sun began to beam down on his dirt coated head, so he raised an arm up to shield the sun and happened to see the movement of an animal somewhere in the distance.

The whinny of a brown filly filled Arthur’s heart with a bit of relief, finally something besides a tree to stare at as he hobbled along.

As he approached the horse, he could make out a dark brown saddle on her back.

“Oh girl, please tell me your rider owns a bathhouse.”

The horse turned, noticing Arthur’s hobbling out of the corner of her eye. He reached out a hand and looked around for her owner, “Hello!” he called out as his hand touched the filly’s velvet nose.

She gave out a content snort at his presence, at least he knew that if her owner didn’t come around soon she’d likely be friendly enough to let a strange zombie man ride her.

A familiar voice called out from the woods, effeminate and soft, “is someone there?!”

“Yes ma’am,” Arthur looked around, unsure of where the voice was coming from and unable to put the name on his tongue, yet sure he had heard this voice before, “don’t be frightened by my appearance miss, I’ve been through one hell of a night.” His gaze settled on a woman approaching from the woods, a rifle in one hand and a dead rabbit slung over her shoulder.

She looked frightened and readied her rifle. “Who are you!?”

Arthur raised his hand and lifted a brow as he realized who the woman was, “Charlotte?”

She lowered her rifle and smiled in relief, “Arthur? What happened to you?!” She ran over to him excitedly, concern and worry overtaking her face as she realized just how torn up he was.

“Boy am I happy to see you.”

“I would say the same if your arm weren’t hanging off, what happened to you Arthur?” She gently touched just above the ripped section, trying not to let her shock overtake her ability to offer help.

“Wolves. Lots of ‘em.” Arthur chuckled painfully. “Only took one of ‘em to do this though.”

Charlotte cringed in second-hand pain. “Please, let me take you back home, you’ll die like this out here.”

“Kinda wish I did die, would hurt a hell of a lot less.” Charlotte shook her head, preferring to not think of her savior rather dying than being alive. She gently turned him towards her horse, assisting him up as much as she could before attaching her catch to the saddle and lifting herself up onto her filly.

Arthur held the woman gently with his living hand, steadying himself on the mare, “So, when did you get a horse?”

“I figured she was a necessity. Bought her in town one day, she’s been very loyal. Named her Wildfire.” The filly kicked up her hooves and began transporting her riders down the trail.

“She’ll be good to you til’ her last breath. My ol’ boy died about a day ago.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Was he ill?”

“No, no… It was, well, a rat. In a way.”

“A rat?”

Arthur tried looking for a way to describe what he meant without tainting her image of him. “I’m not a good man, Charlotte.”

“You keep saying that. But actions speak louder than words. And we are always our own worst critics.”

“It’s possible I have a chance to begin again,” he sighed, “but I’ve tried that so many times, always ends with someone getting hurt.”

“Well, you didn’t hurt me. You helped me, you saved my life. I will forever consider you my friend for that alone.”

“I was in with some bad guys. For a long time. The only ones who didn’t betray me in the end either died or left to make their lives better. And for that, I will never blame them. I should have left too.”

Charlotte slowly began to understand. “Well, it looks like you did leave. So now the question is, what will you do now?”

“I dun’ know.”

“Well, you can stay with me as long as you need to. I have an extra bed and you won’t be imposing.”

Arthur considered being stoic, denying her offer with something along the lines of “That’s alright Mrs. Balfour, I’ll get on just fine.” But instead, he sighed, and nodded to himself. “I think I could use the comfort of an indoor bed, thank you Charlotte.”

“I’m happy to hear it. I could use the company too. Maybe you can teach me some more survival skills as well!” She said cheerfully, looking behind her to catch a glance of the war-torn man. “Once you’re all fixed up, that is.”

The brown filly gave out a whinny as a fox crossed her path just a gallop away from the old cabin. Charlotte road her over to a fence post and dismounted, holding out a hand to assist Arthur down.

He chuckled as he oriented himself, attempting to first dismount alone. “In a normal world, I’d be helping you down, Mrs. Balfour.”

“Well, I’ve lost sight of whatever a normal world would be considered.”

With a shot of pain through his body, he winced, and grabbed for her hand reluctantly, trying not to fall or put too much pressure on the woman.

He tumbled down, buckling to his boots as Charlotte reached out to grab him, keeping him from falling far.

“This arm, Charlotte, it’s gotta come off.”

Charlotte’s eyes widened in response. “Shouldn’t a doctor make that determination?”

“Well, the last time I saw a doctor he told me I was dying, so I’d rather make the calls from here on out.” Charlotte wrapped an arm around him and assisted him as best she could, steadying him through every stumble and trip he endured as they made their way to the cabin.

“I don’t want you bleeding out on my watch.”

“I’ll be fine, Charlotte. I just need a good bath and a knife.”

She looked at him with pain in her eyes as she opened the door. “Well, if you think it’s for the best, I trust you.” She guided him inside to a chair, and he let out a moan of both pain and relief as he sat down.

“I feel like I could sleep forever, just right here.”

“I’m going to go get you a bucket of water and some soap and we can wash you up.” She gently patted his shoulder and grabbed a large wooden bucket by the door before heading outside to the well.

Arthur sat in silence for a moment, looking around her home. The home of a widow who, Arthur figured, was surely sufficient enough to have survived on her own.

Or maybe not. Maybe in another world, Arthur hadn’t helped her, hadn’t seen her when she needed him. And maybe nobody else had helped her either.

Maybe she was only alive because of him. The opposite of many, many people Arthur had come across in his life.

Arthur began undoing his shirt with his one good arm, getting down to the last button but finding it a struggle to actually get it off his shoulders, a mixture of pain and the lack of a second working arm being the culprit.

Charlotte walked back in; a bucket full of fresh water by her hip. “Oh, let me help you, Arthur.”

He leaned forward a tad, and she came around the backside of the chair, pulling as tenderly as she could at the blue button-up. One arm down, the healthy one at least. Coated in bruises but other than that, usable and strong.

His other arm was a different story, sticky blackened blood coating the ripped and worn fabric, she contemplated whether pulling it quickly was the right decision or pulling it slowly and possibly prolonging his pain.

He winced and turned away as she pulled it off, the blood pulling at his hair and torn skin. Fresh blood pooled on the floor in small amounts as she was careful to avoid touching the exposed flesh. Once it was off, he looked like half man, half bloodied beast.

“I’m so sorry, Arthur.”

“Hey, you didn’t attack me,” he mustered a grin as he took a good glance at his arm. The skin was completely torn away, the bone entirely dislocated from the rest of his skeleton, the forearm only hanging on by the thinnest strands of red threads, “I’d be real impressed if you did though.”

“Right. Well, I think you should get nice and clean before attempting major surgery on yourself.”

“Of course.”

Charlotte brushed her hair behind her ear before twiddling her thumbs for a second and asking, “do you need, help?”

“I do believe I might, but uh,” Arthur reached for the bucket with his good arm, “to save you the trauma, I’ll take care of the nasty bits later.”

Charlotte let out a relieved sigh. “I’ll go get something to scrub you with and a bar of soap.”

Arthur nodded in agreement. “Wouldn’t you rather we do this outside though?”

“It’s fine, I’ve been meaning to give the floor a good cleaning anyways.”

“Yeah but, this is gonna be a lot of blood and all, I don’t wanna-“

Charlotte came back from her room with a bar of soap, a hunting knife, and a couple towels. “I really don’t mind. It will be more comfortable for you in here.”

“Alright.”

Charlotte dunked the soap in the bucket, working the lather into a hand towel and taking Arthur’s good hand, rubbing the mixture up and down his arm.

Their eyes caught each other; hazel meeting blue. She refused to admit her heart skipped a beat at the sight, because despite his worn appearance and his dirt coated features, his eyes had so much more life in them than they did the last time they met.

She smiled, reaching a hand to gently touch his chin, pulling him slightly towards her as she gazed closer into those suddenly piercing eyes, “you’re healthy again, aren’t you?”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

“You were sick when you were here last time.”

“Well, you cure one thing, you end up with a lost arm I guess.”

She chuckled as she released her tender grip and continued to clean him up, handing him the towel and reaching for a new one to wash his face with, dabbing it under his eyes and behind his ears before wetting down his untrimmed hair and scrubbing it between her fingers.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what exactly happened? I know you said it was wolves but, you look like you were buried underground.”

“Do you want the truth or do you want a lie?”

“I would prefer the truth, but if you’d rather be creative and keep the details to yourself, I’m still curious.”

“Well, I got the shit kicked out of me, died. God or Satan or whatever, he told me I was immortal now, but my body got attacked by wolves. I got buried then had to claw out of my own grave with one arm.”

“My, you are quite creative. I’ll have to keep you around for story ideas from now on.”

He smiled, “I knew you wouldn’t believe me.”

“You know, even on Cal’s deathbed he was still telling jokes too.”

He looked to her with awe. “Any man lucky enough to have you as their wife would die happily regardless of the circumstances.”

She grinned, her eyes almost tearing up. “That’s one of the sweetest things I’ve ever been told.”

“It’s been a good long time since I’ve been treated to a nice bath as well.”

“This next side will probably sting.” She said as she grabbed another clean towel and came round to the destroyed arm.

“I’ve felt worse, do whatever you need to do.”

She squeezed the towel, dripping cool soapy water down into the open wound. Arthur groaned in pain, his chest tightening as his teeth gritted against the feeling. He turned away, appearing to physically try and remove himself from the troublesome arm.

“Fuck,” he muttered through his teeth, struggling against it but knowing it had to be done, “give me the knife.”

She continued to rub down the arm, “I’m not even nearly finished getting all the dirt off-”

“Whatever is in there is in there, get me the goddamn knife!”

The woman reached for the hunting knife she had grabbed earlier from the table behind her, handing it to Arthur in one swift motion.

“Get my belt and tie it around my arm, as tight as you can.”

She hurried in front of him, kneeling and undoing the brown leather belt from his hips. Wrapping it around his arm and pulling it as hard as she could manage, blood squirting from the bottom, Arthur held the knife tightly before making one final request, “you got any alcohol?”

“Um, I have some rum in the cabinet.”

“That’ll work.”

She nodded, running for the container, and bringing it back to him. He placed the bottle between his legs, popped the top off, and took as many swigs as he could until the numbing feeling kicked in.

“I’m gonna need your help here, darlin’.”

“Anything, Arthur. I’m right here with you.”

“I’m gonna need you to hold this arm here as high as you can.”

She blinked twice. “You need me… while you…”

“I wouldn’t ask you if I didn’t need you to but it’s gonna go a lot smoother if you do.”

“Okay.” She grasped his hand, cold deadened fingers between her own, and pulled the arm vertically, moving down to hold it by the length just before the wound.

Arthur stuffed a towel in his mouth, readied the knife, and began slicing into the flesh, screaming muffled into the towel as his entire body contracted in pain.

Charlotte held strong, looking away as blood splattered on her blue dress. With one final push, the arm came off, and the stump that remained poured with red liquid as Arthur tossed the knife and held the stub up as high as he could, pulling the belt tighter around it.

He spit out the towel onto the floor. “Candle!” he shouted, nodding to a candle that happened to be lit in the corner.

Charlotte dropped the arm and ran for the candle, handing it to her wilderness survival man without putting it out. He rubbed away as much of the blood as he could with a towel, then held the stump to the candle flame, trading his stinging pain for a burning pain.

The worst was over as he finished his self-surgery, laying back in the chair as Charlotte took the candle away. She returned to offer him more rum, to which he nodded and opened his mouth, silently begging that she pour it in and not stop.

With a bloodied arm on the floor, pools of suds and human liquids leaking from Arthur like a dripping pipe, he took one final moan and relaxed his eyes. “Thank you, Charlotte.”

“It’s no trouble,” she looked to the arm, the mess, the bloodied beautiful man in her chair, “I’ll go bury that in the back before it decomposes. Please, call for me if you need anything.”

And with that, Arthur was armless. He took one last look at the cold, bluish body part as Charlotte wrapped it with a towel and walked it out the door.

He picked up the rum and took another swig, the pain dulling his drunken state, yet still feeling the need to smile and say to himself, “I’m unarmed!” He giggled like a madman, trying to continue holding his brand-new stump above his arm, taking more sips in-between uncontrolled laughter, the majority of the rum dripping onto his beard and chest rather than his mouth.

By the time Charlotte returned, Arthur was far gone, flying high and performing a mixture of moaning in pain and giggling in pleasure.

“My angel!” He shouted at her. She took the bottle from his hand and rubbed some suds out of his hair.

“Do you want to keep bathing tonight or-”

“I will tell you,” he hiccupped and pointed a finger up, “what I want.”

Charlotte looked at him concernedly. “And what might that be?”

“I want for you to just give me the gentlest of kisses, right here,” he pointed to his forehead, “because women’s lips, they heal all wounds.”

She smiled, and kindly humored him, pressing her lips tenderly to his forehead. He pulled her close, his one good arm wrapping gently around her waist and pulling her in for a hug. She held his head under her breast, fingers trailing his cheek as she further indulged his desires for human touch.

“It’s been a while, darlin’.”

“Since?”

“Since I was loved.” He looked up at her, eyes looking even more pained than when he was cutting off his own arm. “I loved only so many women, and they didn’t love me, Charlotte. They used me, they used me and they left me when I couldn’t be what they needed. And that’s on me, I’m a horrible bastard.”

“No, Arthur, that’s on them honey.”

“No it ain’t, Charlotte. I hurt them bad, and I’d hurt you too if you got too close, but, I wanna be close to you. And I ain’t never wanna hurt you.”

“That’s enough of that,” she pulled away with kindness, holding his hand with both of her own in an effort to guide him somewhere to lay down, “come to bed, sleep this off and we’ll figure out the rest when you’re feeling better.”

He stumbled to his feet, holding her hands like they were precious jewels, looking at their every detail through his blurred, drunken vision, “I don’ wanna hurt you, Charlotte.”

“Don’t you worry about any of that right now, come with me.” She wrapped her arm around his back and assisted him into her guest bedroom, laying him down gently on the bed, holding his arm up and resting it on a pillow by his head.

She pulled out a blanket and laid it over his bare chest, keeping him warm for the rest ahead.

She kissed his forehead once more, wishing him a goodnight without words, then closing the door behind her to give him some privacy.

Arthur came in and out of a blacked-out state, desiring to go wander the halls and find Charlotte again to continue his self-deprecation, to show her and prove what an awful man he is, and why she would be right to toss him out and let him suffer. But she wasn’t going to do that, and he wondered if he really made such an impression on her that she would now trust him like this.

He could easily hurt her, maybe not physically but surely emotionally. That’s why Mary left him, right? He couldn’t change. He wasn’t redeemable.

But either she didn’t believe he would hurt her, or she didn’t care. Maybe she had been through the same pain as him, enough so that she didn’t care, just like he didn’t. Or at least, just like he kept trying to convince himself that he didn’t.

[meowdymista]

i. the one that got away

Warning: spoilers

Part of Devil’s Backbone project - Masterlist - redrafted on ao3

“I think someone’s coming.”

Sadie leans out from around the station, expecting another false alarm. Abigail keeps her head buried in her son’s hair, breathing in his scent, trying to keep calm. This was why she stayed in camp as long as she had. It was bad enough waiting for his damn horse for the duration of whatever job he was on. The anxiety driven adrenaline was always pumping, and the sudden rush of relief often left her over tired and snappy - she prays under her breath, eyes scrunched closed. Bring him back to me. Please bring him back to me and I will never shout again - I will be silent, I will be complacent, just please, please-

“Is that...?” Riding haggard down the train tracks, he’s rasping, bloody and muddy, but oh so very there. Spotting her with her long blonde braid and the fitted trousers, he forces the crook of his mouth to chisel into his cheek, and tips his hat with the last of his energy.

“Mrs Adler.”

“Arthur!”

Her soft features shatter. Tilly is already running into the road, not looking back, her sobs the opposite end of the spectrum..

“Arthur! Arthur, you made it!”

“Let’s git him off his horse. Tilly, think you can hitch her?” The grunt is undeniable. Raspy, rough and deep. It’s not him. She squeezes her eyes tighter, stars erupting under her lids - Please, please, please-

“Mama! Uncle Arthur’s back!” She tries to gather the energy to keep him close, but her body is a bag of bones with no tendons. The boy tries to tug her up by her index finger, but the weight of the world is suffocating. Her boy - their boy. All that wasted time. She still couldn’t tell him.

“Forget me,” grumbles Arthur, his spurs clanking over the planks. “Where’s Abigail?”

“She’s- she’s here. What happened?”

“Abigail-” The heat that tilts her chin is gentle despite the calloused skin. Her body responds, sweeping her face to the left and then back into the safespace of his hand. “Abigail, look at me.”

A sob heaves out of her chest, her lashes dropping their heavy load as he comes into focus, dishevelled, beaten, but unmistakably there. He takes a breath to speak, but it catches and his own mouth droops lower than she has ever seen. His other hand holds her neck, supporting it. “He-” The tears fall with his hat. “Abigail.”

She throws herself up against him, sobbing uncontrollably, crying harder when she catches Jack’s small voice asking Tilly if Mama is hurt, is he hurting her, she looks like she’s hurting.

“He came back.”

“John?” She scrambles, trying to push him back so she can see the verity in his eyes, but his grip is surprisingly firm for his shrinking frame.

“Abigail…”

“Where is he? Where-” And already her energy is used. She slumps back against the wall, her weight taking him with her.

“Woah there cowboy,” growls Sadie, pulling him back, but Abigail is past caring. There was no weight left to crush her. She feels him resist at first, before relaxing, allowing the woman to pull him back until he is lying on the planks barely able to catch his breath between coughing fits. She hears the slug of water Tilly retrieves from his satchel, and even hears the air as he shakes his hand at her, still spluttering breathlessly.

He groans loudly as the fit passes and he accepts the drink.

“Did you say something about John?” Sadie is squatted next to him, holding his shoulder to keep him balanced. Tilly is knelt the other side, wiping the gleam from his brow. “What happened when you got back? Micah? Dutch? The money?” 

“Jack?” he gasps suddenly.

“I’m here, Uncle Arthur!” The man sighs with relief, or exhaustion. Jack brushes Abigail’s hair from her face. “Mama, are you sick?”

Sadie curses. “I think she’s passed out.”

“Nah, she’s there.” He coughs and staggers to his feet despite Tilly’s objections. “She’s in shock. C’mon, we all need-” He hacks away again, shaking his head as his adopted sister rubs his back. “We need a roof. Somewhere to stay. Somewhere-”

“Somewhere to get you two rested up,” finishes Sadie. He nods. “Tilly, I think there’s a room above the gunsmith.”

“I’ll be right back,” she promises, lifting her yellow skirts, her beaten boots kicking the dirt up behind her.

“Unser Retter!”

“No, no, he’s fine, leave him be.”

“Ist sie verletzt?”

“She’s with me too. I just sent my friend to get us a room.” Sadie tries to disrupt the amalgamation of foreign chatter, but it’s sweeping over Abigail’s head, swirling into nothingness.

“This man- he helped my family. His friend; she is sick also?”

She sighs in exasperation. “Listen, we’ve just been through a lot, we don’t need saving. Like I said, my friend-”

A male voice gushes more foreign sounds.

“My father. He wants to help. He- he-” The small voice sighs. “Er wird sie heben. Heben?”

“I don’t know what you’re saying.”

“I think he’s offering to carry her,” growls Arthur. “We’re fine, friend. Thank you. I can get her.”

“Arthur, you ain’t even carryin’ yourself right now!”

“You and Tilly need to get yourselves out of here.” He looks up to Sadie, blue eyes begging, each breath rasping from his open mouth. “There’s too many of us. I’ll take care of ‘em but I need you-”

“What you need, Arthur Morgan, is to quit trying to be the hero,” she snaps, grunting as she lifts Abigail to her feet. “You helped me out at Hanging Dog Ranch, and I did my best to get John’s family out. You can’t do this alone. Let me help.”

“Fine,” he wheezes, stroking Abigail’s arm as Sadie helps her in the direction Tilly left it.

“Where’s Pa?”

“Listen, Jack. I need you to be brave. Can you do that for me?” The boy nods, eyes wide with fear. “Follow Mrs Adler and your ma. Miss Tilly is getting you a bed for the night.”

“You not comin’?” calls Sadie, glaring back.

“I’ve been runnin’ with Dutch over twenty years. They know who I am. It’s the best chance I can give yer.”

“Sir, you stay with my family.”

He grins. “See, hospitality abound!” He looks back to the girl and her father. “I can’t accept that. I’m a dangerous man, but thank you.” “We found you on the road,” the girl replies. “We brought you home. My father, he has medicine.”

“I’m past medicine, miss.”

“My uncle is doctor in Germany. You come with us. We have medicine.”

******

They pass a week in Annesburg, Sadie scouting ahead with advice of various homesteads.

“If we could get to Strawberry,” murmurs Arthur as the blonde mother forces a bowl of grey blue paste into his hands. “There’s a couple of cabins up there. A taxidermist who’s never home and a newly married feller that rode off the cliff.” “How’d you know about those kinda things, Arthur?” she asks incredulously as he spoons the goo into his mouth. “And what the hell is that?”

“I quit askin’.”

“I know I knocked Pearson the whole time we were in camp, but right now he looks like the chef of the century.”

His  chuckle tickles his throat into a cough. “They make proper food too. I think it’s medicine of some kind. Or poison. Either way, no one else here seems to get it. Want some?”

“I’ll pass.” Sadie surveys him. His eyes are a little less dark, his breathing nowhere near as raspy and somehow his face is a little fuller. “You know, Morgan, I thought you were dead when you rode off.”

“So did I.” He coughs into the handkerchief again before clearing his throat. “Listen, go North outta here an’ take the road North East, up the hillside. Eventually you’ll see a little cabin with blue shutters - last time I went by, the place was empty and had been for a while. Might be a better place for y’all to stay ‘til we can get somethin’ more permanent.”

“What about you?”

“I got contacts. Met a widow an’ a coupl’a hermits.” He shudders as he forces the last of the paste down his throat. “One’s a self proclaimed King. I gotta check the small print, but I’m pretty sure if I kill him, that makes me the new monarch.”

“Oo, look at you! Got your sights set high, huh?” Sadie lands a soft punch to his shoulder as he coughs out a laugh. “Living up to the legend!”

*****

“SNAP!”

“Yeh’re gettin’ good at this, Jack.”

“I’m winning! I’m winning!”

“You sure are, son. C’mon, I’m gonna go a bit quicker now, yeh ready?”

“Damn straight!”

“Hey now, what would your mama do if she heard you cursin’ like tha’?” There’s a small nervous giggle. “Naw, this time it’s just between us boys. Don’t be sayin’ tha’ in front of your mama, ok, Jack?”

“Sorry, Uncle Arthur.”

“S’alright, just don’t go makin’ a habit of it, yer hear? Else she won’t let me play you again.”

The silence is broken by the flick of cards. The world is swirling, knocking her sick. Everything aches and her head is heavy - it takes a few seconds for her brain to catch up. The damp is leaking into her hair before she realises that she’s crying.

“Mama?”

“It’s ok, Jack. Keep practicing.” A chair drags dully across the rug and the rugged warm hands encase the folded frozen pair on her stomach. “Abigail?”

The whisper is warm and dances over her skin, waking it up. Blinking, she tries to open her eyes, but there is too much moisture. His thumb strokes her lashes clean, and she tries again. Arthur is watching her with concern, his blond hair a halo in the light from the window.

“Hey there, darlin’. You thirsty?” She shakes her head, her neck stiff, but as she swallows to speak her throat is dry. “Here, we got you a cup, just take a sip for me.”

She obeys, accepting his help as he tips the cup to her lips. Through the gap her swollen eyes can make, she sees Jack turning cards and counting them to himself. “Did you teach him to do that?” she croaks.

Following her gaze, he chuckles. “Blackjack was no fun without a dealer.” She scowls as he leans back to cough. “I’m just messin’. Kinda.”

She sighs, a smile trying to fight it’s way onto her face, but the anchors pull down at her cheeks. “You said- Something about John?”

He hesitates, glancing at the boy as he scrunches up his handkerchief. She touches his hand, the one that’s still on the bed.

“Please?”

He sighs, fingers scratching into his beard. “I will.” He meets her gaze, his eyes sad and sick. “But not with the boy here. Later. I promise.”

[whirlybirbs]

i’m ready for the miss turner and arthur angst because i’m a sadist who lives for seeing my ships being out through pain apparently

MIDNIGHT RIDERS.

summary: miss turner is dragged from camp by bounty hunters looking to settle a score of waylon robbins. she has a lizzie borden moment. she graduates from lamb to wolf.rating: t+, this has some canon typical violence, threats of non-conpairing: arthur morgan x reader, turner as a surnamea/n: this is gonna set up a nice arc for miss turner – there’s gonna b some angst and softness to follow. this is part of my simpler said aloud series!

“GET THE GIRL!”

There’s a fist in your hair, dragging you from bed.

Your scream rips through the quiet, sleepy, Clemens Point night like jagged glass cuts through skin.

Thick and painful and full of fear.

Arthur Morgan is torn from his dreams by the chaos. 

The inky night blankets the stampede of the phantom horses, burning lanterns swinging in the heavy air, glow swimming in the fog like souls in the River Styx. The bellows of the masked men echoes through the camp. Their masks do nothing to hide their intentions. Instead, it brands them horsemen of some home-grown apocalypse.

Arthur wades into the violence immediately, gunning down the nearest rider.

Across camp, you’ve been pistol whipped into silence. The blood in your mouth is drowning you, screams smothered by the hood tied tight around your throat.

“We been lookin’ fer you, sweetheart.”

Meanwhile, Javier and Bill and Charles are emerging from their tents alongside Arthur with guns blazing and eyes wide, but it’s a futile effort. The night raid ends as quick as it begins and in its wake, there’s nothing but silence, trodden mud and one, single dead rider. 

Confusion ripples in their absence. 

Something’s not right.

Arthur’s eyes roam the tired faces of the remaining Van der Linde’s. They pull themselves from their tents with more questions than answers.

“Where’s Miss Turner?”

Enter panic; all encompassing.

You are in the thick of aforementioned panic, vision coming and going in blacked out blurs – the hood over your head is dark and the ropes are tight and you can feel the skin of your wrists and ankles bleeding raw. The taste of blood is ever-present with the heavy gallops. 

“If y’ know what’s good for you,” you rasp, “You’ll let me go –”

A chorus of laughs surrounds you. 

“I don’t think so, Miss Turner,” a voice in front of you calls out with a faux sense of sincerity, “You’re quite the woman to catch. Mr. Robbins has been worried sick.”

More laughter. Another rifle butt to the temple.

When you wake up, you’re upright.

In the groggy disconnect between reality and your mind, you recognize there’s a fire, somewhere, and voices. 

You can still taste blood.

You blink, world spinning in terrifying dashes of light, before finally your violent vertigo rights itself.

You’re tied to a tree on the outskirts of a camp. You do not know where you are. Your head hurts. Your nose has stopped bleeding. Your lip is split. You blink at your knees, dashed with bruises. Your ivory nightgown is stained with crimson from your kidnapping. 

You’re mad.

You snarl.

“I’ll skin you all alive.”

Owlish heads turn at the hellcat call, and three men rise at a single beckoned wave by a man in black at the head of the camp. They are not kind nor gentle nor careful when they gather you. They pry at your gown, wandering hands trying to get a grab at warm flesh.

You’re alive and real and not theirs. 

You smack their hands from you, battling at the assault.

They throw you to the dirt in front of the fire. You land on your knees. Your hair spills around your face and hides the bubbling anger. You feel every bit wild – every bit feral. You’ve been stolen from your bed, dragged from home. 

You’re not safe.

You’re angry.

“Waylon Robbins sends his warmest regards.”

You spit at the ground at the mere mention of the name.

“Frank,” the man snaps, calling attention to the thug beside you, “Make her look at me.”

A fist knots itself into your hair. You’re yanked, then, fingers clawing at the wrist as your head is raised and you struggle; you try to keep your face set in stone. You try to think about what Sadie Adler would do – what Arthur would need you to do. 

Wild eyes rake the figure before you. He’s young – about your age – and well-dressed. His hat is pushed back, displaying the youthful sense of pride that blooms in his cheeks. He props a boot up on the log beside the fire. A hunk of fire wood sits beside you. 

In it is lodged an ax.

“Miss Turner,” he begins again, “My name is Nicholas Dennis.”

You snort. “Good name, it’ll look nice on a grave.”

“Clever, aren’t you?” he asks, laughing brightly, “Listen, Miss Turner, I’m gonna put this nicely. You robbed us. You robbed the kind Mr. Robbins. An’ he was gonna let th’ whole runnin’ off thing go but…”

He leans, dropping his elbow to his knee. 

When he smiles, it glints with danger.

“You’ve gotta pretty bounty on your head, Van der Linde,” he snorts, “An’ once I let my boys have their way, we’ll turn you in, we’ll go back and pick that camp a’ yours apart. Them folks you’re runnin’ with… well, Jenny told me they were bad… Sweet girl, she is. I think she might be sweet on me.”

The mention of your sister strikes you in the heart.

The fist in your hair lets you go and you’re kicked forward. Your nails dig into the dirt and you cry out, rage boiling over. You stagger to stand, heaving.

“You bastards –”

Suddenly, there’s pistol cocked in your face.

“If yer smart,” Nicholas breathes, “You’d be a good girl an’ let th’ boys tie y’ back up –”

You’re grabbed roughly then, arms pinned.

“Or, I’ll have t’ put a bullet in y’ like I did that friend of yours back in Rhodes. Arthur Morgan, was it? Shame, he’d be better to the world dead.”

You’re not really sure where it comes from – this horrifying, gut-wrenching anger born out of a need for survival and revenge washes over you and drowns your composure whole. The thought that this man nearly stole Arthur Morgan from this world, that he brags at the idea… You wonder if this is what love is like, if murder is acceptable in the eyes of a holy matrimony unspoken. 

Til’ homicide do you part. 

You wonder, when you break for the ax, if Mary Linton ever killed for Arthur Morgan.

When you drive the ax through the head of Nicholas Dennis, and then through the chest of the thug to your right, you wonder if Arthur would be proud.

There’s a lot of blood.

You’re manic.

The gruesome sight sends the rest of Robbins’ men scattering, horrified cries drowned in your rage. Horses kick up a dust and the camp empties and you’re still swinging, fight or flight dying down as reality melts.

You watch the sunrise beside two bludgeoned bodies.

You then begin the long wander back.

You’d thought, before, that your hands had been dirty. That a robbery had put you thick in with the thieves. But, now… 

Javier had told you a story about La LLorona once around the fire. You recon that with your lace chemise drenched in blood and stained hands still clinging to the ax, you must fall in with that ghostly weeping woman – though there are no tears. No weeps. No sorrow. No regret.

Cold disconnect.

The sun crawls over the horizon.

When Arthur finally finds you, you’re crossing the bridge into Rhodes like the dead walking.

You drop the ax from shaking hands at the sight of the lone outlaw.

The sight drives pain into his heart worse than the bullet shaped scar there.

WAYLON ROBBINS SENDS HIS REGARDS. 

[punkscowardschampions]

Ronnie & Joe

Ronnie: pick me up Joe: rude you clearly did without me Joe: but I'll be able to do a twofer, yeah 👌 Joe: send your distress signal so I know where to point Ronnie: [wherever she's been working for a hot sec, I dread to think lol] Joe: you making a complaint about their cold-calls in person? Joe: tick off initiative on your CV Ronnie: my sides have split & it aint fuck all to the piss poor stitching Joe: see how far we can stretch your guts either side of you, fun Joe: did you self-sew or see one of your gun-wielding pals? different principle tats and triage Ronnie: then you can play a round of guess how much of this blood is mine, get yourself proper going Joe: too kind, stop me from charging the going rate for a while yet 🚖 Joe: what office supply did you use though Joe: if you were too cliche, you are going to have to sit up front and talk to me, proper cabbie punishment Ronnie: everything got nicked day 1 baby they werent about to waste any staples keeping shit on desks Ronnie: phone & a script is your lot Joe: there any drug we can act like anyone's calling it oscar on the street? Joe: you fully Joe Pesci'd someone with the phone, yeah? 👏 Ronnie: any gear that should go straight in the bin Ronnie: call it oscar Joe: you are wasted on 0 hour contracts, my dear Ronnie: not wasted enough for em Joe: join me at your local overpriced shit coffee dealer Joe: our bathrooms couldn't pass a piss test but they all only want the ⬆pers Joe: 💔 Ronnie: ill have an escort if you dont get a fucking move on Ronnie: you got enough student spends to feed coffee & doughnuts to the full force yeah Joe: say lucky you but security guards got as many hairs on their head as they got IQ points Joe: lot down Soho are decent conversationalists, unlike Daz and Gaz Joe: I did just get this terms though so hold on and you can help me 🔥 through it Ronnie: i dont get turned on by einstein & his pals mckenna thats your wank fuel Ronnie: easiest way to get a cunt off my back is to put him on his Joe: he only banged his cousin, that's nothing to waste energy on Ronnie: 💔 none of your cousins look enough like your mam for you Joe: why do you think i was searching Joe: daring to dream Ronnie: give a fuck about your nancy drew fantasies Ronnie: that schoolgirl shit is tapped Joe: the catholic schoolgirl uniforms have been overstated Joe: not all that in person, be the review Joe: nuns though, yeah Joe: enough mild peril to manage Ronnie: charlie will be gutted youve switched from homos to dykes Joe: you're the only one who's guts I wanna play around Joe: I'll break it to him nicely Joe: doughnuts, yeah Ronnie: consolation hole Ronnie: youve had shitter ideas Joe: it was yours, in fairness Joe: dunno about offering up my hole to every bloke at the met but if I put my foot down shouldn't be an issue Ronnie: i dont reckon a consolation footjob is gonna cut it Ronnie: not my first offence Joe: giving away how highly you think of my 🍑 Joe: what happened then, beyond telemarketing being worse than shitting out razorblades Ronnie: you wish you had 1 whitey Joe: says you Ronnie: if i had any curves theyd be cut off by now Joe: junkie chic before the habit Joe: some girls have all the luck Ronnie: lucky i need your bullshit heroics for this or id send you on a fools errand to sleuth the pieces out of landfill Joe: white knight > jester Joe: not my usual style, but for you I'll make an exception Ronnie: unless youre gonna say your horse fucking girlfriend dressed you the other night ive already seen it like Joe: you think her thing is budget kurt cobain? Joe: or that she's blind Ronnie: be blind by now if you catholics arent full of shit about touching yourself too much Ronnie: homesick for the horse & rejected by you Joe: what do you think its called Joe: my bets are on some boy band member she fancied when she was 11 and daddy was gutted Ronnie: or the 1st lad she wanted to meet round the back of the bike sheds Joe: you're such a romantic Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: im thinking like a basic white bitch from kent or wherever the fuck you said Joe: you do it well Joe: no way her school had anything common like bikesheds though so knocking a point off Joe: getting fingered on the hellipad is more voyeuristic but has less of a charm about it Ronnie: write a song about it Ronnie: shes gonna be charmed by the namedrop Joe: return the favour Joe: she's making me help her with her coursework Ronnie: plaster cast of your cock and then what Ronnie: tell her you aint no hendrix & its been done Joe: charlie wishes, whitey Joe: I'll cc 'em both in about my disappointing dick Ronnie: ill pass on gaz & daz numbers Joe: god I hope the plaster ain't dried Ronnie: god aint listening to you nancy Joe: adds up Joe: that kind of dad, technically always keep an eye but going in one ear and out the other Joe: 💔 woe is me Ronnie: irish catholics aint got fuck all going on between the ears she werent in it for that Joe: fucked me up with her shit genetics then Joe: you manage to get a pen? Joe: shove it in my ear and dig it out Ronnie: pull it out of my neck & you can stick it where you like Joe: we'll let the blood piss out 'til it feels right Ronnie: im the romantic Ronnie: shut up Joe: alright, you need to be conscious to woo me Ronnie: couldve fooled me Joe: dead girls pale in comparison Joe: 💘 Ronnie: the boners you lot have got for open caskets over there i dont reckon youve ever seen a dead girl the proper colour Joe: just said you were #1 but you've got to be 1 and only, yeah? Ronnie: in your fever dreams mckenna Ronnie: i aint looking that much like your ma however much slap i put on Joe: you're prettier than her Ronnie: now you want me to drink bleach instead of having a bath in it Ronnie: make up your fucking mind like Joe: just knew that would wind you up Joe: gotta bring out some cliches Joe: you're perfect just the way you are, you know Ronnie: drop dead Joe: god willing Joe: he's being fucking slow about it, despite my best efforts Ronnie: ill give it my best shot if you keep on Joe: another one for the cv Ronnie: find it written in my blood shit & bile on this wall Ronnie: thats your girlfriends coursework aced for her Joe: beats the lecture I'm skipping out on by miles Ronnie: no shit none of em are dressed like nuns Joe: none of 'em hate me like you either Joe: so damn likeable, its a curse Ronnie: i dont wanna hear about all your teachers trying to pet you Ronnie: childhoods over golden boy Joe: and all without me getting molested once Joe: by any nuns or teachers anyway Ronnie: 💔 Ronnie: why youre such an annoying cunt Joe: abuse really humbles you, does it Joe: builds character Ronnie: gives you something to properly cry about Joe: got nothing on the shit my brain can make up Joe: idle hands and all that Ronnie: yeah youre so special baby Joe: it's just being mental or not Joe: if you ain't, you can go through whatever fucked up shit and be alright still Joe: if you're mental nothing even needs to happen and you'll be worse off Joe: some of us ain't got a chance from conception Ronnie: tell me something i dont know Ronnie: poster child for not having a fucking chance & any mental problems they wanna attach Joe: you better pay for more ad space Joe: call it karma, or dodgy genetics Joe: but I make a great case for abortion Ronnie: like i said before not one that needs to be put to me Ronnie: had more of em than youve had misery boners Joe: won't make you tell me about 'em Joe: no way you'd be as descriptive as the furious pro-lifers who act like the baby is fit to crawl out when you kill it Ronnie: hot Ronnie: shouldve called 1 of em to pick me up instead Joe: condemnation and loathing is meant to be my thing Ronnie: sharings meant to be your thing too yeah? Joe: only when it's inadvisable Ronnie: only when you wanna Joe: if you got to play oldest you'd know that's sadly untrue Ronnie: stuck being the cliche middle kid between fitz & the other one Ronnie: fucks sake Joe: seeking attention and approval because you're overlooked and under-appreciated? Joe: it's why 3 is a good number, any more and you've got multiple middle kids Joe: maybe I don't wanna fuck my mum, just missing all 3 of my own so much 🙄 Ronnie: they wish anyone could overlook me Ronnie: & you deffo do wanna fuck her so thats shit on your thesis Joe: yeah, sounds just like them Joe: suits you Joe: like the basic white bitch thing Ronnie: go fuck your mam Ronnie: im too tired for this Joe: you won't have no early start tomorrow sound of Ronnie: didnt have an early start today Ronnie: thats what kicked off this bullshit Joe: fair enough Joe: who wants a cold call at 7am Ronnie: the cunt who runs the place will be getting 1 off me til he pays me Joe: lucky him Joe: might wanna stay in your debt longer, romantic that you are Joe: attention very flattering Ronnie: what im hearing is i should tell his missus some fucking fairytale about the attention he was giving me Ronnie: everyonell be made up with the lie Joe: could do Joe: like your flair Joe: or I could come in, tell him you're mental and that he didn't make adequate allowances for you but now you're too traumatized to come back so he should just pay and we won't have to sue Joe: might get damages on top Ronnie: who are you my fucking school age carer like Joe: i'm believable, and more palatable than you outwardly Joe: anyway i look older Ronnie: than what 12 Joe: you have a baby face Joe: i look like i've not slept in as many years Joe: which is pretty accurate, as it goes Ronnie: do i fuck Ronnie: i look like ive shaken a baby to death Joe: child on child crime Joe: shocking headlines there, like that scottish girl who was fucked then got out and was someone's gran like she didn't kill a toddler Ronnie: see how palatable you are when I kick your teeth in Joe: it's a curse Joe: if you wanna lift it and be my hero instead of it being this way 'round Joe: love you forever, like Ronnie: ill lift your wallet fuck the rest Joe: already offered you my money Joe: not even a challenge, soft touch Ronnie: like youve ever been challenged soft lad Joe: go on Ronnie: youre already going on loads Joe: bet you've never heard about the traffic in this city, have ya Ronnie: fuck it ill go lay in it Joe: 😍 Ronnie: save the pillow talk for when youre offering me somewhere else to sleep Ronnie: would let you fuck me for entry to horse girls en suite if theres a bath in it Joe: where's your bed gone Ronnie: its got a hysterical homo in it whos only gonna get himself in more of a fanny flap cause ive been sacked Ronnie: ill take the wreckage of a 4 car pile up or whatever Joe: gotcha Joe: how long 'fore he calms it Ronnie: how long are you offering to spend buying him drinks & cupping his balls Joe: i get it Joe: you wanna wifeswap Joe: not just her art assignment you're interested in Joe: but you can just take my bed, I'm always falling asleep on the sofa or up the table and she'll relish at more chance to watch me sleeping Ronnie: your room got a 🔒 Joe: yeah but you're alright, it's on the inside Joe: not going to get fritzl about it Ronnie: youd need more than that to keep me in Ronnie: which youd know if you were earning off dealing with my mental problems Joe: not giving you a challenge either, don't get hysterical yourself like Ronnie: you couldnt like Ronnie: bigger pussy than your basic white girlfriend Joe: oh god stop talking about it Joe: i'll be sick Ronnie: no stomach for any kind of challenge Joe: you crack on Joe: i'll stick to 🍩 Ronnie: not so needy for some clean piss that ill be licking her out for it Joe: you should write this song for me Ronnie: whats in it for me Ronnie: got all your spends on a promise as is Joe: the fame and full writing credits, obviously Ronnie: fuck off obviously Joe: that's how we know you're not really a middle kid Ronnie: more shit you can come at your ma with Joe: I'll save it for the next holiday Ronnie: 💘 Joe: what about your dad Ronnie: i dont reckon hes up for another go on her if youre there watching Joe: 💔 Joe: i meant do you know what happened to him Joe: you might have more interesting half brothers out there, what I'm thinking Ronnie: got no interest in little fucking kids Joe: so you do know Joe: did he come find you or what Ronnie: dont get jealous nance Ronnie: did it myself like Joe: he meet your expectations Ronnie: what kind of fucking soft shit is that Ronnie: get a grip mckenna he aint rich Joe: a no would suffice Joe: though it's adorable you really kicked it like Annie over it Joe: you could've said you had none, or you expected him to be dead or worse, a useless cunt Ronnie: why would i say fuck all to you about it Joe: too painful too private Joe: gotcha Ronnie: wank over your own parents when i aint waiting Joe: the fact you've not implied I'd prematurely cum in my pants Joe: you're so full of hope it's equal parts inspiring and worrying Ronnie: get out of my face before i kick yours in Ronnie: everyone who aint gone blind can see youre a virgin Joe: don't be jealous, sid Ronnie: you cant tell your older sister what to do baby Ronnie: that aint how this works Joe: it wasn't good ever Ronnie: course youre crying about that too Ronnie: fucking hell Joe: just trying to ease your jealousy Joe: anyway, you'll be pleased to know the lacklustre results were down to my lack of trying, not theirs Ronnie: 1 less dose of the clap & i might still be fertile now thats fucking worrying Ronnie: keep your status choir boy Joe: bit cliche far as fantasies go but alright Ronnie: you started it Ronnie: trying to make me feel special Joe: no need to try is there Ronnie: not now my gag reflex has been triggered Joe: like that ain't been decimated by now too Ronnie: youre learning Ronnie: your teachersll be made up Joe: hope for the molestation yet? Joe: nice Ronnie: ease your 💔 & limp dick Joe: calm down Joe: might get attached Ronnie: do your grades the world of good Joe: you wanna help me with my homework? Ronnie: youre that shit in the sack you still wont get an a after giving your teachers a going over Ronnie: unlucky like Joe: so you can help me Joe: what else you gonna do whilst you're hiding from charlie Ronnie: use your imagination Joe: no need Joe: you'll be sharing Ronnie: cant stop you kicking the door in Ronnie: its yours Joe: just the needle, not the bed, like Joe: you're fine Ronnie: yeah youll be between horse girls sheets Joe: don't reckon she's strong enough to carry me Ronnie: only has to strap a saddle on Joe: 😂 Ronnie: fuck knows what she would fill your nose bag with Joe: the surprise is the fun part Ronnie: dont come crying to me when its oscar Joe: if she was half as interesting as you're making out, might stand a chance of working Joe: as it goes, probably be granola Ronnie: stick her thatll make her more your type Joe: come on Joe: she don't look a thing like my mother Ronnie: fucks sake when shes under get a 🔪 Ronnie: do your best like Joe: i keep telling you i'm not one for trying Ronnie: trying not to cry is as far as it goes yeah Joe: even my kiddy medicine cuts that shit off Joe: ain't been able to since I was 12 Joe: not that there was much call for it, my perfect life with mummy dearest Ronnie: the other week before you met me then Ronnie: gutted i broke your streak Joe: you sure you ain't interested in little fucking kids Joe: rearrange that sentence and Freud is having a field day Ronnie: make the effort to get here before i start to rot Ronnie: not trying to make that cunts day or yours Joe: you'd have liked him Ronnie: he rich off peddling that bullshit to the masses Joe: yeah and he reckoned cocaine was the cure for heroin addiction so he really knew a good time Ronnie: sounds like my not boyfriend Joe: oh yeah? Joe: well his grandson was cooler Joe: he fucked kate moss when he was like 70 Ronnie: anyone written a song about that Joe: maybe pete did Joe: he was a painter though so he painted her with her kit off, obviously Joe: reckon it's free for us to give it a crack Ronnie: your girlfriend painted you yet or what Joe: she wants to Ronnie: no shit mckenna Ronnie: every cunt there nearly fucking went arse over tit in the puddle she was sat in at that gig Joe: so that's what that sticky feeling was Ronnie: her juices or charlies Joe: that's called mixed media Joe: potential bio-hazard for her profs though Ronnie: worst theyre gonna get off her is thrush Ronnie: never met a bitch so clean Joe: yeah Joe: boring Ronnie: i told you to kill her last time you started being a baby about it Joe: you can have homicidal, sis Joe: boring but harmless Ronnie: cocaines harmless after heroin you & freud are still pussy enough to call it a party Joe: why it's a cure Joe: get you from comatose to semi-functioning Ronnie: she could be a cure too Ronnie: cold turkey Joe: weren't searching for a cure Joe: am i coming in or are you coming out Joe: can't see you Ronnie: cause youre comatose Ronnie: gutted this ex boss aint a cokehead Joe: not far off Joe: he your not boyfriend or is that just what we're telling the wife Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: he couldnt fund your baby habit nevermind mine Joe: we going there first then Ronnie: yeah Joe: if we get your wages, we don't have to Joe: [come in boy] Ronnie: [a look like go on impress me by getting these wages boy] Joe: [when you can give it social worker chat 'cos what Tess does and the whole beeline of it all like you can be convincing enough that he's breaking some kind of equality law by sacking her without pay lol] Ronnie: [love that for you Joseph even if she won't let you know she's impressed and also lowkey triggered by that social worker energy] Joe: [honestly, lbr this man surely just wants you gone, won't take too much persuading] Ronnie: [literally and he's clearly in some way shady if he's 1. employed her and also 2. not called the police on her rn] Joe: [no leg to stand on sir, love this shakedown for you] Ronnie: [I bet they're all illegals and people being exploited] Joe: [its a mood, as in happens all the time esp. in cities, least you can hit him up again lads, long as he don't get y'all beaten up or something lol] Ronnie: [tbf if you do get beaten up that's a mood too] Joe: [yeah, when they find out you are not social and just taking their money lol] Ronnie: [love a scam] Joe: [the kind of nonsense have your mother rolling in her grave she's not in, love that we're starting that now] Ronnie: [I approve of the vibe, start as you mean to go on lads, all before you've made his poor flatmate wanna die lol] Joe: [poor gal did not ask for you as a flatmate let alone all this lol] Ronnie: [do you wanna skip to like when she's back and Ronnie's in his room or whatever because easy way to keep the convo going without needing it to be face to face] Joe: [works for me henny] Ronnie: [your turn to start boo] Joe: doubt she'll leave her room any time soon now Ronnie: 💔 Joe: yeah poor girl Joe: saying you got free reign, if you need anything Ronnie: i had it before Ronnie: not scared of her like Joe: nah Joe: what about charlie then Joe: or you just don't wanna upset him Ronnie: yeah terrified Ronnie: well sleuthed nancy Joe: that he'll get sick of you, maybe Ronnie: i fucking told you we aint the kind of family who get rid Joe: yeah Ronnie: dont project onto me Ronnie: we aint nothing alike Joe: i'm the one sick of them Joe: if anything Ronnie: yeah & he aint fuck all like you either Joe: I can see that Ronnie: youve seen him once dont flatter yourself Joe: and it's that obvious Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: what? Joe: i only need to know one half the equation to know we're not the same Joe: it's a compliment to him if fuck all else Ronnie: give it to him then Ronnie: hell lap it up Joe: i told you it's nice Joe: what you lot got Joe: but i'm not looking to get in on it if that's what you reckon Ronnie: take what you want pussy Joe: that's not your thing? Ronnie: what we cant both do it Joe: potentially Ronnie: dont remember you having any hesitation to share a needle Ronnie: grow a pair when youre not getting shot up Ronnie: maybe the dayll come when i dont have to spoon feed you the gear like a fucking kid Joe: i'd have to work out if i want anything but first Ronnie: yeah Joe: is it all you want Joe: the heroin Ronnie: mind your fucking business Joe: alright Joe: do you want to do my next tattoo or what Ronnie: i said take what you fucking want Joe: [come through with ink you've undoubtedly stole from your flatmate, also being more spacey/twitchy than normal like distract me gal] Ronnie: [love how old school & gross we're kicking this tattoo situation unlike when Ali does it] Joe: [which is absolutely the point, how your arms and legs don't fall off lol] Ronnie: [their other ones probably wouldn't have even healed yet cos lbr it's gonna be no time in between these interactions] Joe: [just loads of lowkey open wounds, like that isn't life anyway] Ronnie: [mhmm they'd be fucked already too cos they are so itchy when they are healing and y'all don't have chill] Joe: [all the reason for constant touch ups/ messing with so it casually never heals #mood] Ronnie: [I didn't think of that but I stan] Joe: [casual metaphor for your everything lads] Ronnie: [you know you can do anything to her tattoowise yourself Joseph she don't care] Joe: [probably doing some weird repitition moment you'd usually do on yourself which will be painful af excuse you] Ronnie: [she do love the pain you're fine] Joe: [good thing too, we're just here fucking each other up like this ain't gonna go anywhere else lolllllll] Ronnie: [way more #into it than I should be considering I don't  even like when people shout lol] Joe: [you babby, they are not, obviously we're getting and taking drugs even if she's too naive to know why they're in such a state, maybe they can make a dealer come to them when they're feeling fancy/have already had loads lol] Ronnie: [take a moment to appreciate how few clothes she is wearing rn and how much that means this poor gal can and would see like we've got track marks and self harm scars for days even before you start on the tattoos lol, you're gonna get clued in before she leaves hen] Joe: [honestly props for not running home screaming tbh babe] Ronnie: [especially when this dealer comes because he ain't Drew like he should be scary af] Joe: [lowkey makes you work for it even when you're paying 'cos hates junkies] Ronnie: [at least she can basically fuck him in full view for Joe's benefit because the vibe is already there haha] Joe: [i truly love thinking about what the hell you're telling the flatmate when she leaves, she's not that stupid, also must fancy you if she doesn't report you immediately lol] Ronnie: [she definitely does that's not just Ronnie's bpd jealousy shining through like did you tell her you were related after the gig or what even Joseph what's the narrative] Joe: [also, entirely unrelated, when you bleaching your hair 'cos it looks so much better lol, anyways, he's probably had to go with a troubled sister narrative 'cos she's the type to be sympathetic and it makes sense why he'd deal from her pov] Ronnie: [that's gonna make the obvious sexual tension awkward but yeah I vote they definitely do it while she's staying because same vibe as the tattoo sesh so] Joe: [ikr, when you're blatantly fucking this will be very confusing, you should deffo only be about 1st year lol] Ronnie: [are you gonna give him another different flatmate in year 2 or like none?] Joe: [maybe for year 2  on you can still have some like a house share moment but he's the one you never see and has nothing to do with you] Ronnie: [that works definitely cos like I was just thinking how could he afford somewhere on his own] Joe: [yeah, even if we're technically employed whilst in uni by the orchestra, it's not gonna be loads, and that's how London be even if you're not a student] Ronnie: [how long do we think she should stay for this time because obvs she's coming back again and again but] Joe: [hmm, like he isn't gonna tell her to go so it's on her for how long she can deal lol] Ronnie: [just cos I'm thinking she should leave because something happens/almost does and it freaks her out because she's meant to hate him and there's only so much you can play off as doing for shock value when you're blatantly into it] Joe: [that makes sense, clearly it ain't gonna take long for that to transpire] Ronnie: [yeah a few days is what I'm imagining, but like enough that she probably thinks nothing will happen because it hasn't so far, if that makes sense] Joe: [i'm with it] Ronnie: [how far do we wanna go is always the question] Ronnie: [okay idea time, hear me out hun, what if it's like an unexpectedly pure/cute moment by their standards that happens in the day to day because the obvious would be to have them go all in when they are fucked up but like think about it] Joe: [that's what I thought too though 'cos it's more impactful 'cos it isn't as if it's gonna start with a kiss when it does for real like it's all extra and them to cover that it's about anything but being fucked up, so that would shake you both] Ronnie: [so glad we're on the same page here, like I can't think of a good example of what I mean/think should happen but] Joe: [we know the vibe, doing something vaguely domestic before realizing what you're doing] Ronnie: [so she gotta run away and nobody is gonna know where she is or what she's doing for a bit soz Charlie & Bronson] Joe: [you wanna skip to that time period now, this hasn't been excessively long or anything[ Ronnie: [we totally can because we can always skip back/add it if we think of anything else we wanna do while she's there etc] Ronnie: [I've had a potential idea how to start this so neither of them technically has to bite the bullet and go first like if you give me a rough idea what kind of thing Charlie would say e.g where are you/are you dead bitch and I'll reply here like she's in the wrong convo lol] Joe: [that's a good idea boo, probably something like you can stop hiding now and an update about whatever the fuck he's up to in his life which you can make up you know the vibe lol] Ronnie: [I was just like realistically if they were both shook by what happened neither of them are gonna be like oh hey] Joe: [yeah like it'd take him a while even if he would 'cos not just gonna let this go that easy, so it's a solid way to do it] Ronnie: a real scouse ma's meant to shout down the street when its time to stop playing about Ronnie: lazy cunt Joe: I'm only half if I'm anything, and you probably won't give me that any rate Ronnie: 🖕 not talking to you Ronnie: got the wrong gaylord Joe: easy mistake Joe: you not got his number saved? Ronnie: if this was my phone yeah Joe: newly acquired then Ronnie: mine broke Joe: my condolences Joe: wall or pavement? Ronnie: what the fuck does it matter Joe: just making conversation whilst you're here Ronnie: if youve got something to say go ed Ronnie: but if youre gonna pussy out as per it got waterlogged Joe: you dying for the uni update like my ma is a top performance, cheers, like Joe: rice didn't work or you didn't fancy eating toilet water rice after Ronnie: loads in common me & her aint just a pretty face like Ronnie: dont know what kind of fucking 12 year old in a k hole at a festival you take me for mckenna Joe: yeah, it's a shame Joe: soph says save some for the 🐎s Ronnie: cold showers work better for misery boners than they do a suspected od but these fucking amateurs aint know jack shit obviously Ronnie: shame & shameful that is Joe: I'm a better sesh companion Ronnie: ill take the 🐴 Ronnie: whole or in bits Joe: seems the possessive type Ronnie: thats your bitch Joe: who I meant but I ain't claiming her Ronnie: bet shed be made up over a uni update Joe: bold of you to assume we haven't had many delightful lunch dates whilst you've been having cold showers Ronnie: give a fuck if youve been eating her out at any time of day Joe: yeah well I'm pretty gutted you've replaced me with another newbie Ronnie: stop fucking crying Ronnie: i aint running a nursery Joe: ain't the only one sounds of your reply Ronnie: fuck off Joe: reckon he's over you getting the sack now Ronnie: not everythings about that mary Ronnie: & he aint my keeper Joe: just your mum, I got the message Ronnie: he reckons he can baby me it aint the same thing Joe: he's older than you yeah Ronnie: youve got a sister other than me dont act like you cant get your head round it Joe: not really my M.O. Ronnie: special yeah Joe: she's got a dad and another brother happy enough to oblige Ronnie: i dont need to puke up my good time Joe: thought your stomach and nerve were meant to be stronger than that Ronnie: whatever you think about me is bullshit baby Joe: just what you've put out there Ronnie: & yours is heroics just warning you this aint no od like Ronnie: aint gotta press eject Joe: you're typing Joe: don't think anyone knows you well enough to commit to the impression here Ronnie: talking Ronnie: everyone knows idle hands are dangerous Ronnie: but that dont mean i gotta keep em busy typing Joe: yeah Joe: know the feeling Ronnie: its used to my accent & everything Ronnie: more than i can say for the live cunts here Joe: you in 💘 with your phone that's dead cute Joe: its worse when you're angry Ronnie: not in 💘 with kent Ronnie: your girlfriend proper missold it Joe: fuck off are you in kent 😂 Ronnie: fucked you over if you were gonna come carry me out again Joe: acting like you didn't ask Joe: if you're going to now, do it, like Ronnie: if you dump her back home who the fucks keeping the leccy on Joe: only got a baby habit ain't I Ronnie: what so youre carrying me out & dumping me where Ronnie: anywhere near & im taking your money shithead Joe: we don't need electric Ronnie: how will you get off on me wearing your mams face in the dark Joe: would hate to waste your hard work, obviously Ronnie: what hard work Joe: liberating my mums face from her skull Ronnie: be my pleasure Ronnie: all play Joe: alright then Joe: i'll be able to keep up Ronnie: big talk for a 12 year old virgin Joe: hiding it kent you can't talk or type about it Ronnie: im not fucking hiding Joe: yeah right Ronnie: plain sight baby Joe: 40 miles Ronnie: & Joe: if you wanna play, you're gonna have to give me another clue Joe: know if i'm getting warm Ronnie: [a blurry picture clue] Ronnie: 💘 Joe: they new friends or old Ronnie: waste of a question Joe: how many do i have left Ronnie: 39 but if you need that many dont fucking bother Joe: you don't wanna disappointed so bad Ronnie: you disappoint me by coming out the same hole Joe: that don't have to matter Joe: plenty have Ronnie: yeah but i aint met the rest of your happy family Joe: you wanna Ronnie: 38 now Joe: it could've been a statement Ronnie: was it Joe: 39 for you Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: you wanted to go to the beach Ronnie: that a question or what soft lad Joe: ?* Ronnie: didnt know there was 1 Joe: it's a county you know Ronnie: how the fuck would i know that Ronnie: shut up Joe: do you wanna go to the beach Ronnie: i can drown you in the sink Joe: i didn't put you in the shower Joe: or your phone Ronnie: youd have been made up by how blue i went though Ronnie: well like a dead girl Joe: yeah? Joe: what's it feel like Ronnie: youll get your own go Ronnie: aint holding your hand forever like Joe: gutted Ronnie: you wont reckon so when you outgrow that baby habit Joe: i'd mind if you died Ronnie: give you something to cry about Ronnie: youd be fucking into it Joe: nah Joe: people who've got shit to mope on usually don't Joe: enjoy it too much don't I, can't be having it validated, takes the fun out Ronnie: most dont reckon a happy end would be cumming inside their ma Ronnie: youd enjoy having a reason to celebrate or trauma bond depending on her fucking take Joe: our mate freud would disagree Joe: she'd wear black for the rest of her life, if that's what you wanna hear Joe: but counting it as a question, 38 Ronnie: why the fuck would i wanna hear that Ronnie: be boss for her if she never shifted her bastard baby weight like Joe: 37 unless it's rhetorical Joe: i dunno what will make you feel better Ronnie: 38 wasn't a question in the first place you just counted it cause youre a cheating lil bitch Joe: what's the prize and why do you want it so much Ronnie: use your imagination fucks sake Ronnie: why do you always want your hand held Joe: waste of a question Joe: 'cos I'm such a mummy's boy duh Ronnie: if shed let you walk into the road i wouldnt be answering any of your pussy questions Ronnie: 💔 Joe: be a lot easier for all of us Joe: i'll throw myself in front of the tube, fuck up everyone's day Ronnie: ill pick myself up from kent then yeah Joe: oh so you've claimed selfish have you Ronnie: no shit nancy drew Ronnie: fitz is still crying that i 💉 you up Joe: bless Joe: you're not claiming what got me there Ronnie: cant i wasnt fucking there Joe: then don't feel guilty Ronnie: dont fucking flatter yourself Ronnie: could care less Joe: you who's trying Ronnie: taking away a question if youre gonna lie Joe: not 12, not a virgin, don't need you to hold my hand Joe: i wanted to and want to Ronnie: made up horse girl took it while i was away Joe: yeah Ronnie: get yourself checked for 🐴 aids or whatever Joe: could care less is right Ronnie: bullshit youll be gutted if you dick falls off before you put it in your ma Joe: talking about how much you do Ronnie: what are big sisters for Ronnie: ask the other one & hell stutter round how much i dont too Joe: it's not the same Ronnie: you aint special mckenna how many times Ronnie: let your ma feed you that bullshit Ronnie: & fuck knows what youve already caught from my blood Joe: bit late for warnings Ronnie: you had one first time we met like Ronnie: got eyes Joe: exactly Joe: i'm not gonna take the hint Ronnie: too subtle for you yeah Joe: if you think you could be any more blatant Joe: have fun trying Ronnie: i am Ronnie: kent dont know what hit it Joe: i bet Joe: where have you been but some strangers doss house then Joe: and that is a question Ronnie: fuck knows Ronnie: been a blur Joe: you know its about 1,500 square miles yeah Joe: remember one landmark Ronnie: you know youre only getting any fucking answers cause im coming down Joe: we don't have to play this game Joe: if you tell me where you are, you'll be picked up quicker and then you can get whatever you need Ronnie: [a location, lord only knows] Joe: alright Ronnie: for you getting high of your bullshit heroics Joe: if it makes you feel better that you need rescuing Ronnie: do i fuck Joe: then you just wanna see me Joe: either way Ronnie: shut up Joe: what's better for you? Ronnie: your money then your life Joe: very adam ant Joe: and can be arranged Joe: even though you don't have a horse or a car so I'm more of a highwayman than you Ronnie: i aint getting on your gilfriends horse i know where its been Joe: 😏 Joe: you can just admit she's more up for it than you Ronnie: admit youre fucking brain damaged Ronnie: let her be up for hand holding & playing house Joe: what are big sisters for Ronnie: beating the shit out of you Joe: look forward to it Ronnie: yeah youve missed me Joe: not afraid to say it Ronnie: write a song about it Ronnie: no names & you can play it for any bitch Joe: thanks for the hot tip Joe: kill some time on this drive Ronnie: shouldve stuck your judy in the boot Ronnie: be eye spy & red car the whole fucking way Joe: haven't put the plastic sheet down Joe: 💔 short notice Ronnie: so torch it Ronnie: i know youve always got a lighter on you Joe: what gave it away Ronnie: ive got eyes baby Joe: try not to wear it on my sleeve though Ronnie: done a shit job there Joe: why do you show yours off Ronnie: whats the point of only feeling it on the inside Joe: doing it is feeling it on the outside Ronnie: im what they fucking made me they can look at it Joe: that makes sense Joe: yeah Ronnie: what the hell are you scared of Joe: I dunno Joe: doesn't feel like fear Joe: blending in or disappearing has always been preferable Ronnie: & you have the balls to reckon im hiding here Joe: it ain't hiding if no fucker's looking Joe: easier for them and me, like Ronnie: if you gave a shit about easier you wouldnt have looked for me Joe: it was last-ditch attempt Joe: see if you were the same, like all of them too Joe: or not Joe: and you're not Ronnie: cause she ditched me Joe: maybe Ronnie: i didnt have the luxury of blending in Joe: it's not a luxury Ronnie: not when you have it Ronnie: care kids dont Joe: not at all Joe: it was a necessity to not blow my brains out and all i ended up was cracked and wishing i had Joe: you didn't have a family to not belong in Ronnie: & you did em such a massive fucking favour by not ending it all yeah Ronnie: i dont know you or fucking care & i can tell youre desperate to Joe: if she can't get over you, and she never stuck around to know you Joe: it's fuck all to do with the person and everything to do with the label Joe: son, brother Joe: you're meant to care even if life is better or basically the same without Ronnie: good fucking thing i like downers Ronnie: youd ruin an e Joe: cheers Ronnie: get over her for fucks sake Ronnie: keep saying youre not 12 Joe: didn't have that luxury Ronnie: loads more cunts willing to fuck you over Ronnie: live a little like Joe: yeah that'll make it worth it Joe: dead inspirational Ronnie: try your other sister Joe: i'm sure she'd have even more helpful advice Ronnie: take it then Ronnie: ill kill you before i give you a reason to live Joe: you know i ain't fucking looking for one Ronnie: yeah Joe: you need anything Ronnie: i didnt tell you were to get fuck all out of it Joe: apart from a lift Ronnie: what do you reckon Joe: kk Ronnie: 💘 Joe: still not healed Joe: also looks like jobn now Ronnie: anything to make you feel special baby Joe: what I reckon Ronnie: i didnt reckon ocd made you that delusional Ronnie: but when you change it to say jobs youll blend right in Joe: not quite as fitting as when johnny did it Ronnie: whats your girlfriends name Joe: i'll find one to make it fit Joe: josie or jody maybe Ronnie: 💔 no decent gear has a girls name Joe: girls like to party not nod out Joe: gutted Ronnie: ive got a lads name i get why youre confused Joe: you didn't wanna change it Ronnie: you offering up the cash Joe: bit of a waste Joe: just for the paperwork Ronnie: yeah it is Joe: you dunno what to pick Ronnie: swear words aint allowed Joe: don't matter if you're just doing it, telling new people it's your name like Ronnie: not an underage tranny Joe: right Ronnie: bit fucking late now Joe: youre attached Ronnie: i dont care Joe: yeah Ronnie: not what i hate her for Joe: it's a lesser sin Joe: and not the worst name Ronnie: if thats your way of trying to namedrop the others, dont Joe: why would I Ronnie: i dont know you cant really answer why youd do fuck all Joe: i don't need to ask if you want to know them Ronnie: like their names are gonna tell me who they are Joe: like you care Ronnie: like thats ever stopped you Joe: I can't un-find you Joe: but I'm not going to force you to meet any of them or know any more than what's been said Ronnie: no fixed address remember Ronnie: cant make it much fucking easier for you Joe: no, you can't Ronnie: stop crying then Ronnie: you can do better than a car crash Joe: do better Ronnie: yeah like washing up on the beach Ronnie: keep every cunt guessing how you died Joe: see how many beaches I can end up on Ronnie: dead romantic Joe: you can have fun with the hacksaw anyway Joe: least I could do Ronnie: you dont owe me Joe: i do Ronnie: for what Joe: for finding you when you didn't want finding Ronnie: you got the wrong bastard Ronnie: loads of others would be made up Joe: would they? Joe: regardless, I did it for me Ronnie: fuck off trying to take selfish off me Joe: 😏 Ronnie: been a few days since ive used a phone as a weapon Ronnie: keep on if you want it chucked at you Joe: you've promised better than that Ronnie: course you cant last through the foreplay Joe: alright, romantic Ronnie: you fucking wish soft lad Joe: you wish i wished Ronnie: i fucking dont Joe: alright Ronnie: keep the 🕯🌹 for your girlfriend like Ronnie: fuck all i can do with soft Joe: lighters and poppies suit me better as well Ronnie: next tattoos then Ronnie: dont know if itll look like a poppy but fuck it Ronnie: ill cut it out if you dont like it Joe: even if we avoid the sleeve, still a lot of skin to ruin Joe: are you just going over now Ronnie: waste of a question Ronnie: theres fuck all you can do Joe: what, my scribbles weren't a masterpiece compared to your boyfriends Ronnie: told you get what you pay for mckenna Ronnie: & that i dont get hard for mozart & the like Joe: weren't gonna score a symphony on you but alright Joe: no touching Ronnie: 💔 Ronnie: you & your baby habit dont score Joe: just pays Ronnie: dead comforting when i get robbed & left in a kent ditch Joe: it'll be the nicest ditch you've ever been in Ronnie: squatters rights Joe: my bed ain't comfy enough Ronnie: its the fact that its yours making me wanna hang myself with a sheet Ronnie: should say its too soft like you though shouldnt i Ronnie: gutted i fucked that up like Ronnie: we were playing so nice Joe: yeah, goldilocks suits Ronnie: unless your hair has fallen out Joe: I've not pulled it out either Joe: or soph, like Ronnie: not enough like a mane for her Joe: 💔 Joe: if only she'd have known me a few years ago Ronnie: get the family album out shell be made up Joe: shed a tear over our lack of horse Joe: sympathy fuck is better than none yeah Ronnie: the lack of me will really get her going Ronnie: had the pity eye fuck soon as i showed up Joe: she's an empath, babe, why she's so good at art Joe: lack of you might be an issue for me though Ronnie: another word for nosy cunt Joe: undoubtedly Joe: if i could sum up what was wrong with me for her I would Joe: but guess she likes the guessing Ronnie: if she was scouse shed just fucking come out with it Joe: gobshites, yeah Ronnie: what you get for having girlfriends who aint even wool Ronnie: self hatred making you go posh about it Joe: my last actual girlfriend was Ronnie: & youre claiming her Joe: not still writing songs about her Joe: well, never was Ronnie: shell still be 💔 Joe: nah Ronnie: you keep her waiting this long or am i that special Joe: you don't even know how far you've gone from london Joe: you're nearly 2 hours away Ronnie: if youre sticking to the speed limit Ronnie: stop being a pussy Joe: meet me and the car in the next ditch over Ronnie: more hand holding for fucks sake Joe: more than that if you want that lift Joe: have to drag the car out and hotwire it Joe: scrape me off the windshield Ronnie: i told you to stop getting me & what im into Joe: maybe i'm trying really hard Ronnie: far as hurting yourself goes thats the shittest way to have a go Joe: 💔 too weak Ronnie: keep your limp wrists on the steering wheel Ronnie: i wanna get out of here Joe: 😏 Joe: in a bit then Joe: got speeding to do and if you won't shut up Ronnie: youd have to try harder to make me Ronnie: that aint fucking likely Joe: only have to ask Joe: not nice or nothing Ronnie: i dont ask for handouts theyre given to me on account of all those mental problems ive got Joe: wouldn't it be nice to be the one doing the charity work for once Ronnie: if thats the only high youre offering me turn the fuck around Joe: not that daft Ronnie: your ma tell you that Joe: loads Ronnie: her judgements for shit not getting rid of us both with a hanger Joe: agreed Ronnie: dont put a kid in her shed only keep that one too Joe: still raising the last one Ronnie: like thatd stop her Ronnie: no fucking time wasted Joe: she did stop Joe: hence the 9 year gap oopsie baby Ronnie: reckon shed know what causes it by then Joe: Ireland got to her I guess Ronnie: dead keen for my invite now Joe: put it across as a valid form of contraception Joe: chlamydia Joe: they'd go for it Ronnie: worked for me Joe: postergirl Ronnie: 💔 there was no need to sew myself up Ronnie: be more fun than whichever fuck gave me it Joe: god willing Ronnie: your catholic one would be dead willing Joe: you're thinking of the wrong over-zealous christian country Ronnie: not on the right drugs for that kind of bullshit thinking Joe: 🍄 Joe: look out for cowshit whilst you're waiting Ronnie: that determined for me to see the sights yeah Joe: can't waste such an opportunity Ronnie: 🖕 watch me Joe: kent only comes calling so many times, like Joe: your choice Ronnie: shell be taking you every time uni gives you time off Joe: i'm good for it Ronnie: its well cute that you reckon youve got any say Ronnie: possessive type i heard Joe: 😏 Ronnie: she changed the 🔒 on your room yet Joe: keep you in or out? Ronnie: reckon it ended at the pity eye fuck for me & her Joe: 💔 Ronnie: yeah Joe: i'll talk her 'round for you Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: i dont need you to translate for me Ronnie: we got the money your carer role is over Joe: it's all in the eyes, I heard you Joe: not patronizing on your deep relationship Ronnie: shut up Joe: 🤐 Ronnie: & drive faster Joe: 👌 Ronnie: fucking hell i can see why shes fucking obsessed with you Joe: if you want chat Joe: definitely in the wrong place Joe: she don't need to know my ears aren't listening to hers Ronnie: she already knows you do what youre told without talking back Ronnie: like a battered wife Joe: anything for an easy 💀 Ronnie: youre coming to the right place for that Ronnie: but i wont tell her Joe: it's not a reportable crime Ronnie: im not a snitch & i can wear shades if she tries to eye fuck her way to finding fuck all out Joe: dunno if that's enough of a disguise but I don't care Joe: a habit, she could say something about that Joe: but the rest Ronnie: what rest Ronnie: you only want a habit Joe: speak for yourself Ronnie: im echoing you Ronnie: you fucking said it Joe: you know it's not true though Ronnie: youre full of shit yeah Joe: yeah Joe: you too if you wanna pretend about it Ronnie: i dont play pretend im not a fucking kid Joe: good Joe: then you know what's happening here Ronnie: [a picture or video of whatever is happening where she is, lord knows] Joe: you don't have to reciprocate, dickhead Joe: no need to try and make me crash Ronnie: thought youd grown a set of balls & had em drop while ive been here Ronnie: what it sounded like Joe: how olds the other one Joe: he looks younger than me Ronnie: didnt do a survey Joe: I mean your mate, I don't know his name Joe: not Charlie Ronnie: 17 Joe: he must've been a baby when you met, like Ronnie: whats your point Joe: ain't got one Joe: just wondering Ronnie: youre not his type Joe: he's not mine Ronnie: stop wondering then Joe: why? Ronnie: hes fuck all to do with you Ronnie: your mam didnt push him out Joe: not trying to get to know him over you Ronnie: then why do you care Joe: same age as my brother Joe: and the girl my parents took in, one of Joe: that's it Ronnie: here we fucking go Ronnie: you said you werent gonna do that Joe: you kept asking Ronnie: cause i dont want you fucking nonce my brother Ronnie: give a fuck about yours Joe: 'cos you think I would, alright Joe: don't be stupid Ronnie: i dont know what youd do Ronnie: dont fucking know you Joe: well I'm straight and entirely uninterested Ronnie: youre also full of shit Joe: why do you give a fuck Joe: I'm only a year older, if I wanted to, I would Ronnie: why do i give a fuck that you lied to me or about him Ronnie: go ed & wonder about it Joe: it weren't a lie Joe: shit changes Ronnie: i dont wanna hear about them that aint gonna change Joe: fine Ronnie: fuck you Joe: also fine Joe: sorry, alright Joe: it means fuck all Ronnie: its not fine Ronnie: & it means im gonna be running comparisons in my head Joe: just forget about it Joe: of course they're all around my age ish, it don't mean you know any more about them Ronnie: fucks sake Joe: it don't matter Ronnie: cause you get to tell me what matters too yeah Joe: come on Ronnie: you dont or what to fucking do either Joe: then what Joe: I said it, I said sorry Joe: you do what you must Ronnie: go home & give horse girl your sorry Joe: fuck that Joe: you still need to get back to London and I'm nearly there Ronnie: i got here i can leave here Joe: bullshit Ronnie: you wish Joe: well I'm still coming Ronnie: i dont care Ronnie: youve been going on about how big it is Ronnie: stay the fuck away from me Joe: Jesus fucking christ don't be such a pussy Ronnie: you fucking wish Joe: whatever Joe: this is going nowhere right now Joe: you know where to find me when you wanna actually do something about it Ronnie: your half arsed self destruction is going nowhere Ronnie: do something about that your fucking self instead of trying to bait me Joe: I'm still on my way Ronnie: kents full of real pussys you can save Ronnie: youll 💘 it Joe: I don't give a fuck, Ronnie Ronnie: why are you crying Ronnie: you fucked me over Joe: because this is a waste of time Ronnie: youre a junkie now get used to it Joe: at least I've got that Ronnie: youre welcome baby Joe: good luck finding decent shit in kent Ronnie: not going with you dont mean im staying here Joe: but I've got mine already Ronnie: you can have selfish Joe: I told you I was bringing more for you Joe: if you can get over it you can have your share Ronnie: ill take it over it not Ronnie: *or Ronnie: you cant fucking stop me Joe: say you want me to come then Joe: i know where you are, not the other way 'round Ronnie: youre the liar mckenna Ronnie: i dont want you to be anywhere Joe: then why should I come and share Joe: that's a question Ronnie: you love heroics Joe: [show up at this point] Ronnie: [what a fun little reunion that'll be] Joe: [so, we know the vibes but also do we wanna pitch it out] Ronnie: [we totally can for our own amusement/in case a moment or something happens again] Joe: [so obviously he gets there and she's gonna be fuming hens, yeah?] Ronnie: [she gonna fight him lol enjoy that random peeps] Ronnie: [but that works cos like if someone takes that seriously instead of realising we just flirting with each other then they gotta go] Joe: [go away for some alone time to take your drugs somewhere, we voting beach] Ronnie: [yeah because realistically nobody will be there at this o clock unless they are likewise up for shady shit so it works for them as well as being romantic for us because has she been to the beach before probably not] Joe: [so unintentionallly wholesome] Ronnie: [try not to freak out immediately about that this time lads] Joe: [or OD again] Ronnie: [or freeze to death because when are you ever dressed for the weather gal] Joe: [have to stay close purely for warmth whoops] Ronnie: [can't pretend you're angry enough to be at the other end of the beach its not that deep] Joe: [shame it'll be too late to get fish n chips or something beach related but you can skim stones] Ronnie: [I wonder if there's anywhere you could break into because always a mood] Joe: [on a lot of seafronts they have those shelter moments that are boarded up you know what I mean] Ronnie: [yeah that was what I had in mind] Joe: [was that tracy beaker when jess and that girl were snuggled in there and tracy thought it was a lad lollol] Ronnie: [I loved that bit] Joe: [soz i've forgotten your name but that whole character and vibe was a mood, buzzing for the show/movie whatever they're doing] Ronnie: [a child Tess mood 100%] Joe: [fosho fosho, you're gonna have to sleep on this beach/his car 'cos not letting you drive in that state for that long yet tah] Ronnie: [we all know you're gonna be snuggling and I'm here for it, maybe you can get fish and chips in the am/when you wake up] Joe: [for breakfast lol, get all the sugary snacks as well like candy floss doughnuts, casual binge here like neither of you clearly eats much day to day] Ronnie: [healthwise you've both got bigger problems so we can allow it] Joe: [sugar high, living for unintentional wholesomeness lol] Ronnie: [love the childlike vibe always] Joe: [when I go the hunstanton with the gals, which is like, scummy seaside vibes you know, there's always rides there, but also there was like a tattoo hut where you could get actual tattoos for like a fiver and it looks so dubious lol] Ronnie: [omg that is amazing and we must] Joe: [you could get piercings too which might have him do just to mess with it] Ronnie: [we know she already has so likewise not gonna resist getting another, the more extra the better though placement wise cos we do love to shock joseph with our endeavours] Ronnie: [whack a tit out casually or whatever like] Joe: [lmao, dreading these infections hens] Ronnie: [I went to margate and all I got was this lousy tat and a persistent infection, put that on a t-shirt] Joe: [shame they only do flashes gals] Ronnie: [get some DIYing happening lads, we know that kind of thing is flirting for you] Joe: [the tension at this point like you've actually shown loads of restraint even though the opposite seems true lol] Ronnie: [lowkey not what anyone would expect of you which is why I like it] Joe: [mhmm not actually all doom and gloom even if we say and pretend it or what would be the point] Ronnie: [they'd actually be having such a lovely time and when was the last time either of them did, I'm fine about it yep] Joe: [truly, it ain't just about the drugs or any of the 'fucked up ness' from the off and that's the tea no one else be seeing] Ronnie: [mhmm and it wouldn't last how it does if it was] Joe: [connection huns] Ronnie: [the TENSION on this car journey back like don't crash tbh] Joe: [at least you can play really loud music and pretend that's distraction enough] Ronnie: [and play with your new injuries] Ronnie: [lowkey bonding even more about your love of music though we see you] Joe: [mhmm, when it's not all classical obvs 'cos you aren't Rosaline] Ronnie: [probably drop her at Charlie's hun cos otherwise something is gonna happen] Joe: [hope you brought him some rock but i know you did not lol, go make friends again, you go think 'bout your life joseph] Ronnie: [probably stole him a postcard that you've written some bants on to slide under his door] Joe: [that's cute, hilarious over-sexual postcard as they always are] Ronnie: [yeah exactly and then he knows you're back so you can talk or whatever you're gonna do to clear the air] Joe: [that's this era in general we know the vibe]

[mindfulwrathwrites]

Sunny in the Golden Grave (Excerpt): What’s Missing In Richmond?

Admittedly I haven’t been giving this story the attention it deserves in my mad rush to finish a draft of Powered before I have surgery in January, but I still want to share!

Words: 1,052 Warnings: None

View on main site | Subscribe

...

Inside of an hour, the constant pressure of the saloon had gotten unbearable, so Sunny retreated upstairs to an empty room. Casey came with him, yawning and stretching until they were behind closed doors. Once there, he gangled across the room and peered out of the curtains.

"Oy vey, there's our bags out there," he said. "Left to lie in the dirt like dead dogs, tsch. And nobody's gonna let us go get them, either. Until they're kicking us out, maybe. You got a plan yet?"

Sunny's composure snapped like a camel's back. "What the ever-loving hell is wrong with you?"

"Hey, what?"

"Ghost hunters?"

"Goofy, sure, but it got us in the door, eh?"

"And now they're gonna be expecting us to do something about it!"

"Ya, and we're gonna do something about it. What's the problem?"

"I didn't sign on to do nothing, Casey, I didn't even wanna stay here. Whatever's going on in this place, it is so goddamn far above our pay-grade, it—I can't—we don't know the first thing about hunting ghosts!"

"That's fine, that Fisk guy said they weren't ghosts anyway."

Sunny grabbed the nearest fist-sized object and threw it at him. Casey ducked it. Whatever it was bounced off the wall and rolled under the bed. Casey glared.

"Hey, enough with the throwing things," he said.

"I'll stop throwing shit when you stop digging holes underneath of us. What were you thinking?"

"Sunny, I'm not gonna have a fight with you. You wanna talk, OK, we can talk, but this tantrum thing—no."

"Fuck you," Sunny spat. "You don't get to run roughshod all over me and then tell me I don't get to be upset about it."

"It's fine you're upset, the upset isn't the problem."

Sunny kicked the chest of drawers. Pain shot through his foot. He hopped backwards, cussing and holding his throbbing toe. Casey didn't comment—for once—but the told-you-so energy came off him like heat off a stove. The shock of pain unseated Sunny's anger, and embarrassment came up to replace it. He sat down on the floor, rubbing his toe through his shoe.

"Ow," he said.

"You OK?" Casey asked. "Nothing broken?"

"I don't think so. Just hurts like a bitch."

"Eh, good it's not broken. Sorry it hurts."

"Whatever," Sunny grumbled. He kept his eyes and head down, hoping Casey couldn't see the flush creeping onto his cheeks. When he didn't say anything more, Casey shrugged and turned back to the window.

"You uh . . . you see anything out there?" Sunny asked.

"Not much," said Casey. "Just a lot of dirt and some buildings and our poor bags."

"No people? Animals?"

"Nobody."

The noise of the saloon below didn't fill the silence that opened up in the room, a trickle of sand into a sinkhole. Sunny sat and rubbed his foot. Casey stood and stared out the window. The quiet burrowed into Sunny's ears and started ringing. He stuck a finger in his ear and wiggled it around, but the quiet was in too deep. There was nothing for it but to drown it out.

"Why do you wanna stay?" he asked.

"Hm?" said Casey, a tilt of the head.

"I know why I wanna stay, but you wanted to stay before I did. So what is it? You just curious, too?"

Casey continued to stare out the window for a good three seconds. He tugged the curtains closed and half-turned, speaking more to the wall than to Sunny. The smile was gone from his face, and his bright eyes were darkened.

"The schoolhouse was empty," he said.

"The schoolhouse?"

"Ya."

"What's that got to do with—" Sunny cut himself off. The pieces came together. The marrow of his bones turned cold. "Come to think of it, I ain't seen or heard a child all day."

"No," said Casey. "And of the elderly, maybe—what, four or five? And nobody's sick. Sure, a few missing a couple pieces, but sick? Bleeding? Nobody."

"I expect they'd be at the doctor's, instead of shut up in a saloon. And the kids, they could be holed up someplace else, too. We ain't hardly seen any of this place, it's a little too soon to be making judgements about who's here and who ain't."

Casey tipped his head. "Sure. But the wolves, when they hunt, they take the young, the old, and the sick. I think something is hunting these people."

"Jesus," said Sunny, shuddering. "If you was trying to convince me to stay, you ain't doing a good job."

"Sunny, bubbeleh, you asked."

Sunny hung his head and rubbed his eyes. There was a dull pain between his eyebrows that swelled in time with the throbbing in his toe. His shoulders were so stiff that he couldn't relax them.

"I guess I did," he sighed. "But what makes you think there's anything we can do about it, if someone is—hunting these folks? Ain't we just gonna get hunted, too?"

Casey shrugged. "Sure, but I gotta try."

"What if it's just a—an illness? The 'flu does that same thing, it hits the old folks and the kids and that. Could be consumption, too, or something."

"Could be," Casey allowed. "But you don't shoot at the 'flu."

"Well—so what're we gonna do about it?"

"Eesh, I don't know, Sunny. You're the guy with the ideas."

"Yeah, and my idea is to get the hell outta here."

"Hey, you wanna go, I'm not gonna ask you to stay. You got places to be. I get it."

"Hold your horses, now, I didn't say—getting to San Fran ain't gonna do me much good if I'm broke when I get there. This place is a literal gold mine, so I could . . . take a day or two to scope out the prospects."

Casey finally looked at him then, silhouetted against the window, the sunlight streaming so bright through the threadbare curtains that it picked out every stitch and left his face in shadow, blurred out. The light was back on in Casey's eyes, though, bright enough to illuminate his smile.

"Sure," he said generously. "But first we gotta not get kicked out."

"Well, we got some hours 'til nightfall," said Sunny. "Let's figure it out."

[dastardlydutchvanderlinde]

Hi there! I absolutely love your stories! If you’re accepting requests, would you write a little something about Dutch and Hosea on a bank robbery together? Bonus points if everything goes completely according to plan!

I’m so sorry this took me SO long to do, been having a hard time writing stuff I like but hope you enjoy!

The sun was high in the sky by the time theyarrived in the beat up town of Rose Creek. The heat had everyone disappearinginto the shade of the lone saloon, a quiet peace descending on the otherwisehectic mining town. 

At the far end of the town, four horses could beseen kicking up the dust, and riding them were four men new to the area

The Count and Silver Dollar were sweating, muscles quivering as fliesdrew towards the moisture, their tails and ears flicking in annoyance. Behindthem, Old Boy and Boadicea snorted their own displeasure, the sounds of leathersnapping as the boys tried to keep control of the reins. 

“Don’t let those horses know you’re nervous. They’ll play up.” Hoseamuttered, glancing back and straightening in his saddle.

John frowned in concentration, and Arthur squared his shoulders,claiming he wasn’t nervous. 

“Keep cool and stick to the plan. Trust us.” Dutch says with a finalitythat held no room for argument. 

This was the first time they’d taken the boys with them on a job thisbig. Not that the town of Rose Creek was anything special, but so far they’donly done stagecoach and train robberies in the middle of nowhere. Here? Herethey were taking money under the law’s nose, the noose swinging empty at the otherend of the street. There was only so much room for error here, and by the waythe boys were sweating they knew about it. 

The plan was simple enough. Hit the bank quiet at high noon and get outbefore anyone started screaming. The haze of the midday sun would be theircover, John and Arthur the goons on the door, and Dutch and Hosea working toempty the poor rich folk’s investments into their dirty saddlebags. 

Hosea grinned, turning in his saddle to wink at the boys as they pulledup down the side of the bank. 

They barely smiled in return, all nervous energy and quick glances.

“Ready?” Dutch asked them all, making a point to receive confirmationfrom each of them in turn. 

When he looked at Hosea, dark eyes searching for reassurance, Hoseanodded and drew up his bandana. “Ready. Keep your heads boys, don’t panic.Listen, breathe, we’ll be fine.” 

It wasn’t just a speech for the jittery John and Arthur, it was forDutch too. Hosea had seen too many jobs go south when Dutch lost his path.Sure, hadn’t happened much since they’d figured out how to work smoothlytogether years ago, but the memories of needless violence and close shaves werestill sharp in his mind. He needed to be reminded sometimes, that thiswasn’t Dutch versus Old Sam all on his own. They were a team, and they were workingtowards something bigger than themselves.

Dutch grunts, and slips from his horse. 

They leave the horses standing in order, angled to bolt out towards theback of the bank and across the plains towards the mountains. They wouldn’tmove, and with The Count and Old Boy boxing in Silver Dollar and Boadicea,there was no risk of any random stranger stealing them. 

“We go in together, guns up. We want this quiet. Arthur, I want you tokeep everyone in line while John gets them gagged and tied. Once me and Hoseaare finished, we lock ‘em in the vault and get the hell outta here. On three.”Dutch says, taking control with a practiced ease. 

They get to the edge of the building, and Dutch holds up threefingers. 

“Why we gotta tie these poor folks up?” John asks, and gets an elbow tohis ribs from Arthur.

Hosea shook his head. Now was not the time to start questioning theplan, it was too late, already in motion.

The countdown begins, and then they’re rushing the door, quick andquiet. 

Dutch bursts through the doors like he’d been there a hundred timesbefore, confident and cocksure. Everything about him screams arrogance, fromthe way his hips sway to the lazy readying of his guns. Hosea has to be carefulnot to get distracted.

“Ladies and gentlemen! This is a robbery, keep your hands up and no oneneeds to get hurt.” Dutch yells out once they’re inside, Arthur blocking thedoors behind them and John cocking his guns. 

Hosea has seconds to analyse the room, and noticed with a racing heartthere were more people present than they’d first accounted for. 

It was seven against four, and John didn’t exactly lookthreatening. 

A man standing closest to Dutch begins to hold his hands up, but Hoseacan see him eyeing up Dutch’s gun. 

It’s too late to warn him, and Dutch is busy scanning the room andchecking John and Arthur weren’t about to get shot. 

It would go one of two ways. Dutch would notice, and kill him, or Dutchwould notice too late and get killed. 

The man lunges, and gets a bullet buried in his skull. 

“Shit!” Dutch growls, and the room erupted into screaming. 

John had frozen, and Arthur frantically kept the remaining people fromstorming out. 

“Jesus Christ, Dutch. Some example we’re setting!” Hosea snarls, roundingthe clerk desk and hopping over the barrier meant to keep customers out. Hesnatched the vault key from under the counter, Dutch moving to catch up. 

He looks pissed off, blood spattered up his chest. “It’s goodexperience, hurry up! The law would have heard the gunshot, won’t take themlong to get up off their asses to investigate.”

“We’re close to the saloon, might head there first.” Arthur suggests,even as his eyes are wide and his hands are shaking. He doesn’t want todisappoint them, doing his best to keep a level head. 

Dutch nods, clapping Arthur’s shoulder as John sweeps throughrestraining the remaining people. “Good thinkin’ my boy. Go stand outside andif they come let them know there’s a ruckus in the saloon. John, keep thesepeople still and quiet while we work.”

The boys both get to work, though Arthur almost falters at the prospectof being alone outside. But, he squares his shoulders and holsters his guns,slipping outside to lean casually against the front rail, starting tosmoke. 

Dutch checks over their hostages one last time, and then followsHosea. 

Inside the vault, is enough gold to last them til next winter. 

Dutch whistled. “My my. The good people of Rose Creek have such fatpockets.” 

“Not for long. Come on, we need to get out of here fast after that messyou made.” Hosea says, moving to the closest tray of valuables. 

“What was I supposed to do, let him shoot me with my own gun?” Dutchasked, heading for the biggest pile of gold he could see. 

Hosea sighs. “Don’t be ridiculous. Just would have been nice to show theboys things can be done without violence.”

“Violence is a necessary sin sometimes.” Dutch says, cramming the saddlebag full of gold. He’s already got one stuffed, slinging it over one shoulderas he starts on the second. “You know that as well as I do.”

“I just-“ Hosea pauses, holding a gold cross on a chain between hisfingers. “I just want these boys to do better than us. Live a better life.”

Dutch hums, shouldering the second saddle bag and slipping a few extradollars he can see into his pockets. “I know, Hosea. I do too but we can’t findthem liberty, freedom, independence without money these days. Half of thiswe’ll put away, into savings. One day, when we got enough, we’ll go further outwest than any of us have ever been, and we’ll start a ranch. A good, honestranch. Then those boys will know liberty, a life free from violence andcruelty. The poor gentlemen outside, he stood in the way of that.” 

“I know. I know, Dutch I’m just worried is all.” Hosea says, finishingup his first saddle bag. 

Dutch comes up behind him, helping load up the next bag. “Can we saveyour philosophical worrying until after we’ve robbed this bank?”

“If we must. I got this, go check on the boys.” Hosea suggests, swattingDutch’s interfering hand out of his way. 

Dutch does as he was asked, exiting the vault to the main part of thebank. 

He was pleased to see John with his rifle still raised out of sight, andArthur leaning comfortably against the rail through the window. Every hostagewas gagged and tied, excluding the unfortunate accident. 

“How’re we doin’?” John asks, jerking his head to where Hosea was stillworking. 

Dutch nods, patting the bags over his shoulder. “Pretty good take. Holdthese while we get these fine folks into a safe place.”

He hands over the bags, swapping them for a silently weepingwoman. 

“Ain’t that safe if the likes of us can get in it.” John mutters asDutch heads back to the vault. 

It’s a good point, but it will keep them quiet for a while longer as thefour of them make their getaway run. 

“Keep an eye out for Arthur, make sure the law don’t turn on him.” Dutchshouts over his shoulder as he deposits the first woman into the vault. 

Hosea has just finished with packing the bags, and he leans slightly tothe left with the weight of it. 

“Alright, that’s as much as we can carry.” Hosea says, moving to followin Dutch’s footsteps. 

The process goes rather smoothly, with John standing under the weight oftheir loot as Dutch and Hosea take it in turns to move all their hostages intothe vault. They even move the dead man, only a minor stain on the floor and abullet lodged in the wall behind him. 

It’s not the quickest work, but apparently the law here aren’t thespeedy respondents they had first feared. 

Before long, the vault is locked back up with the key awaiting rescue onthe desk. 

“Can we get outta here now? My back is killing.” John complained,handing off the saddlebags to Dutch and Hosea. 

Hosea laughed. “Oh, your back is hurting? You’re still a child you don’tknow what back pain is yet.” 

“Like you’re such an old man.” Dutch says with a grin. 

Exiting the bank, Arthur joins them within a split second. 

“We gotta go right now.” He says, trying to herd them all along. 

Hosea frowns, and behind him Dutch opens his mouth to speak. 

“Hey!”

Four pairs of eyes look to the saloon, and three lawmen are starting tohead towards them. 

“Shit, there goes the smooth exit.” Dutch growls. “Let’s go!”

They move like lightening, exploding into action and running back acrossthe dusty wooden floor and skidding around the corner. The horses jerk theirheads against the reins in surprise, but they aren’t given much time to realisewho was heading right for them. 

Hosea is the first up onto Silver Dollar, the fastest of the four. ThenArthur, and John, and finally Dutch. He was always the last to ride, preferringto make sure everyone else kept safe and in sight on a getaway dash. 

“Keep up boys, don’t look back.” Dutch hollered as Hosea took off at agallop. 

Arthur went to look behind him, to check Dutch was following, but caughthimself at the last second. He kicked his legs, and Boadicea snorted as sheran. 

Old Boy took longer to get going, but The Count nipping at his hauncheshad him picking up the pace. 

A gunshot went off, the dust to the left of Hosea kicking up in a sprayof movement. 

“Faster! Head to the forest!” Dutch yelled, spurring The Count. 

Hooves thundered against the dry plains, the four of them streakingacross the grass like their lives depended on it. No-one looked back, if youlooked back you’d slow, and if you slowed you were a dead man. 

Shouting grew quieter as they got closer to the rich green of themountainside forest, the echoing roar of hoof beats silenced as the hardterrain gave way to softer ground. 

They kept riding, even as the voices behind them turned into nothing buta memory, they kept riding. 

Dusk was just beginning to fall when Hosea pulls Silver Dollar to ahalt, turning him on the spot. 

“Think we’re clear?” Hosea asked, adjusting in the saddle. 

Dutch stops next to him, leaning forwards on the pommel and panting alittle from the hard riding. “I’d say so. For now, we want to keep our headsdown. Arthur especially, those lawmen got a good look at him while we weretrying to get out quiet.”

There’s a huff of acknowledgement from Arthur. “Shouldn’t have wastedtime moving them folk over into the vault. Would have been clear before that.”

“It was unfortunate.” Dutch says slowly, moving to take the lead now thedanger was passed. “But, the plan was to make as little noise as possible, totry and break free without anyone giving chase. We leave those townsfolk freeto wriggle around and they’ll free each other and start hollering.”

“Made noise the second we got in there!” John jumped in, waving a handin exasperation as they moved through the forest. 

Hosea just looked at Dutch. 

Dutch had the decency to look sheepish. “I didn’t go in with theintention of killing no-one, but it was him or me. I think things went prettywell, considering.” 

“A perfect example of how quickly things go wrong.” Hosea said.

Dutch huffed a laugh, and shrugged. “Well, there is that.”

“Perhaps next time we can keep our guns in their holsters.” Hosea says,shaking his head. There was always violence where Dutch was involved; it seemedto follow him around like a black cloud. No matter how hard they tried to avoidit, Dutch would cause chaos and terror in his wake. 

Hosea couldn’t decide if it would be their downfall or theirtriumph. 

“Alright. Split up and head back to camp. Take a bag each and keep outof trouble. We’ll see you in a few days.” Dutch says to the grumbling boys. “Treatyourselves to somethin’.”

The boys only complained under their breath for a few seconds longer,the prospect of buying a nice new gun soothing their ruffled feathers. Theyeach turn in different directions, until there’s nothing but the faint soundsof hoof beats to suggest they were ever there.

“Now, I believe you were in the middle of a long monologue about usbeing better men?” Dutch says, that sly handsome grin spreading across hisface.

Hosea laughs, moving them off east. “I believe I was.”

 They weren’t perfect, but by God did they have dreams.

[imladris-soldier]

A Request for Feedback

Ok Red Dead community! I would like some feedback on this piece because I wrote it tired and at 3am. It didn’t go exactly as I’d pictured it (when I cried about it in the shower), but it still made me cry, and I would like to know if it holds emotional purchase with anyone but me.

So, my OC, Myra, runs into Bill Williamson in the woods after the ending and they share a goodbye. I’m not gonna give you much more context than that because I want to see if it stands alone or not.

Thanks, pals.

The rustle in the trees triggered Myra's instincts, and with good reason. Her guns came up, face to face with a separate pair of pistols in the hands of Bill Williamson.

“Bill,” she greeted, pulling back the hammers.

“Myra,” he replied, doing the same.

“Thought you went with Dutch.”

“I did,” he spat. “Got separated in the woods. Thought you went with Marston.”

“I did. He's safe now. Had... had to go back. For Arthur.”

Confusion passed over Bill's face. “Thought he went with ya.”

“He did. Stayed behind to hold off the Pinkertons.” Her chest heaved in an unbidden sob and the hands holding her guns began to shake. “He's dead, Bill. Arthur's dead.”

Bill's guns lowered slightly. “Pinks?”

“Nah. I think... I think it was the TB... in the end. But I'm sure the beatin' Micah gave him didn't help none.”

Bill's jaw worked slightly. “Micah? Where's Dutch?”

“Dunno. He just... walked away.” The pain, fear, and regret in Dutch's eyes flashed briefly in Myra's mind. “Couldn't face what he'd done, I guess.” Her guns fell, hanging limply at her sides. “It's over.”

Bill seemed to bounce dangerously back and forth between being angry and lost. In any case, his guns were no longer pointed at Myra. “Well, what the hell are we supposed to do now?”

Tears slipped down the woman's nose, falling into the dirt at her feet. “It's probably best we go our separate ways,” she murmured. “There ain't no gang no more.”

The man standing before her was the truest version of himself that she had ever seen. His eyes were filled with fear while his body tensed in anger. He was vulnerable and very afraid.

“I ain't ever been without a group to run with,” he told her quietly. “Even the army was somethin'. Even if they kicked me out.” He paused. “The gang coulda kicked me out loads a times. Never did.”

She stared back at him, wondering what it was he wanted from her. “You'll be alright, Bill.”

He finally seemed to focus on her. “What about you?”

Her shoulders lifted in a weary, grief-laden shrug. “Dunno. Gotta lie low 'til this all blows over, I guess.”

“Well... I could come with...”

She shook her head, cutting him off. “I can't. I'm sorry. I just lost... everything. Gotta... gotta be alone. At least for now. Who knows? We might stumble on each other down the road.”

The look on Bill's face broke Myra's heart into even tinier pieces. It wasn't fair to leave him, but she was in no place to lead him. “You'll be alright.”

With that, she turned to leave, but he called her back once more.

“Myra! You... you was always... kind. To me. More than anyone.”

She looked back at him and felt her broken heart swell with fondness and regret for the man he was and could have become. “You was my brother. Same as them.”

The steps required to close the distance between them were few, but each one felt like a mile in her exhausted frame. She held out her hand to Bill. He took it, shook, then held fast. “You take care of yerself.”

“You too.” She added a final shake. “Goodbye, Bill.”

“Bye.”

He let her hand fall. They looked at each other for another moment, then Myra turned and began the laborious trek to the last place she saw her horse. For all she knew, Artemis was dead or run off. But it was all she could think to do.

As Bill faded into the trees behind her, the sobs renewed. Every step seemed to trigger another, and with every passing moment, her ability to press on dwindled. Finally, her knees gave out beneath the weight of everything that had happened. The only thing keeping her sobs from becoming screams was the knowledge that her life depended on her suffering in silence. If the Pinkertons found her, she would hang, and there was no one left to save her.

As she shook on all fours in the dirt, her new reality bore down like a mountain. The only family she had known for fifteen years was gone. The two men she loved most had each gone down paths she could not follow. She was utterly alone.

[urbanenemy]

2/26 新入荷リスト

ACTION  Get back to me / Any day now ALEX & LES LEZARDS  Maman Je Craque / Te Mine Pas (Par Devant, Par Derrière) ALEX CALL  Just another saturday night / Love dogs BILBO BAGGINS  Saturday night / Monday morning blues BLUE MEANIES  Pop Sensibility / (I'm Not In) Love (With You) BROWNSVILLE STATION  I'm The Leader Of The Gang / Fast Phyllis B'ZZ  Too Much To Ask For / Too Much To Ask For CHARLIE FAWN  Always something there to remind me / Poet for a generation CRIMINALS  The Kids Are Back / The Cops Are Coming DONKEYS  No way / You Jane FRANK XEROX AND THE COPY CATS  Judy in disguise / Rock show FRANTIC ELEVATORS  Searching For The Only One / Hunchback Of Notre Dame FRUITS EATING BEARS  Door In My Face / Going Thru The Motions GARY HOLTON  Ruby / Love Is Young H.M.K.  Delirious / Chelsea Kids HARPO  Horoscope / Jessica HUSH  Oh me,Oh my / No more worries JED DMOCHOWSKI  Sha-la-la / Ruined city JILTED JOHN  True Love / I Was A Pre-Pubescent JOHNNY PALERMO  Saturday Night / Summer Again KEYS  Just a camera / It ain't so KICKS  Hot Stuff / The Big Kid KILLJOYS  This is not love / In your light LABEL  Black jack / Go back LATE SHOW  Drop dead / Ain't gonna stamp on his face MODES  How'd we ever get so girl crazy / Live like you're gonna die tomorrow MONTROSE  Space Station #5 / Make It Last NEON HEARTS  Answers / Hideaway NICK VAN EEDE  All or nothing / Hold on to your heart NIPS  Gabrielle / Vengeance PANG PANG  Trust me baby / In the sand PENETRATION  Danger Signs / Stone Heroes (Live) PINKEES  Holding Me Tight / Girl In A Million PINKEES  Gonna Be Lonely Again / I'm Feeling Lonely PORTRAITS  Hazards in the home / Never let go PVC2  Put You In The Picture / Deranged Demented & Free / Pain Q-TIPS  Stay The Way You Are / Sweet Talk / Lookin' For Some Action RERUNS  Bored to tears / She hates me now RICH KIDS  Rich Kids / Empty words RICK SPRINGFIELD  Mission magic / Music to streak by (SPRINGFIELD MASS) ROUSERS  Susan's Day / Touched RUDIES  Sherri goodbye / Macho man SECRET SERVICE  Ten O'Clock Postman / Ye - Si - Ca / Dancing In Madness / L.A. Goodbye SHOOTER  Fool in love / Used to be a lady SPIDER  Talkin' 'Bout Rock'N'Roll / 'Til I'm Certain START  Hey you / Gotta have love SYLVAIN SYLVAIN  Every Boy Every Girl / Deeper And Deeper TEARJERKERS  Murder mystery / Heart on the line USERS  Kicks in style / Dead on arrival VALVES  Tarzan Of The King's Road / Ain't No Surf In Portobello VICE CREEMS  Won't you be my girl ? / 01-01-212 WILD HORSES  Criminal Tendencies / The Rapist Y TRWYNAU COCH  Wastod Ar Y Tu Fas / Mynd A Julie I'r Ddawns / Pawb Yn Pigo Arno I / Mynd I'r Bala Mewn Cwch Bananas YOUNG MODERN  She's Got The Money / Automatic

[enzoseven]

oldie

LyricsYo, shout out to everybody that worked on the album You feel me, son? Yo, shouts out to Ty Dollas Shouts out to Hodgy Daddies, shouts out to Left Brizzle Shouts out to Domyon, shouts out to Frankie Ocean Shouts out to Syd the Dude, shouts out to L-Boy AwkBig eared bandit is tossing all his manners In a bag and wrapping them in seran wrap bandages Tossing 'em in baskets with the rest of those sandwiches So when he says "Catch up, nigga" it looks like an accident Um, flowing like my pad is the maxiest My bitch white and black like she's been mimicking a panda It's the dark skinned nigga, kissing bitches in Canada Then kicking all out like Mr. Lawrence did Pamela Put her in the chamber all against her Wilt Chamberlain I never had a Reason, nigga I was just Ableton Not a fucking Logic contradicting dick head Flyer than an ostrich moshing in a tar pit Semen scented cheetah printed tee In that 'Preme five panel, I'll repeat it for the season Previous items in the present With the normal ass past like I cheated on my team It's me (Tried to get that nigga, but, Golf Wang)To have some type of knowledge that is one perception But knowing you own your opponent is a defeating bonus I'm Zeus to a Kronos, cartilage cartridge is boneless Smiles of cowards in lead showers Dead spouses in red blouses Children who fled houses on Mustang horses and went jousting I'm on my Robin Hood shit, robbin' in the hood Whips, drugs, jewels, and your pet, I'm stealing your rings Coke diamonds and your Vet, soldiers lace the fuckin' boot And salute like the troop when you shoot you gon' poop It's kill Hodgy, nigga, stay the fuck off my stoop And out my Kool aid, JuiceHodgy got the juice, I got the gin Jasper got the Henny, my nigga we get it in Wolf Gang party at the hotel I call a ho, you call a ho, and all the hoes tell You know Left Brain need a freak I need a bitch to go down like a Nitty beat Yup, uh, and her ass fat Don't be surprised if I ask where the hash at Nigga I'm tryin' to smoke, bitch get higher Domo where that Flocka Flame? Talkin' 'bout a lighter Still bang salute me or just shoot me Cause if you don't salute me then my team will do the shooting Yeah my nigga Ace will pull the black jack The king Mike G is in the cut with the black mac Livin' like the Mafia, bitch, don't get to slacking up And if these haters actin' up, throw 'em in the aqueduct Free my nigga Earl, yo, I don't really ask for much But two bad bitches in front of me cunnilingusWhat the fuck is caution? Often I leave you flossin' and cause exes next to coffins Lost in translation, the dreams you chase Got you diving for the plates like you stealin' home base That's great, I'm home alone dreamin' of two on ones With Rihanna and Christina Milian, bring it on And Travis is in the closet organizing and hangin' the tramp Three lettermans that Ace has been making him No strays while we catchin' matinees, huh? I'm gettin' blazed thinking 'bout those days I had the top off the GT3 like toupees One finger in the air, all's fair when crime pays My grand scheme of things is to be attached To the game like bitches to their wedding rings And you don't even need to look cause we gleam obscene In the light, ride slow to my yellow diamond shining Like the Batman logo over Gotham, rock LA to Harlem If you say "get 'em Mike G" then I got 'em One man squadron, nigga I'm a problem From Briggs I got bars and plans to Pimp these Polish bitches into pop stars Humanity kills, we all suffer from insanity still And if I said it then it is or it's gonna be real OF 'til I OD and I probably will, uhIt's still Mr. Smoke-a-Lotta-Pot, get your baby mommy popped With my other snobby bop, do I love her? Prolly not Know your shit is not as hot as anything I fuckin' drop Bitch I'm in the zone, stand alone, like Macaulay Cock I've been runnin' blocks since a snotty tot Big wheel was a big deal with the water Glock Now I'm all grown, sing songs just to give 'em watts Fire what I talk, but still cooler than the otter pop Op Dom neck shit in your wish list Mad sick shit, mad dick for your bitches On some slick shit, your mistress on my hit list And I'm lifted 'til I'm stiff out of this bitch Odd in your motherfuckin' area Blood clots give me five feet 'fore I bury ya Suicide flow, let the big wave carry ya Tyler got the mask like he held Jim Carey up And fuck your team, ho nigga wassup Wolf Gang so you know we not givin' no fucks You know me dog, I'm a chill in the cut so I can Cut it short, break it down, couple pounds, roll it upGet me a Persian rug where the center looks like GalagaRent a super car for a day Drive around with your friends, smoke a gram of that haze Bro, easy on the ounce, that's a lot for a day But just enough for a week, my nigga what can I say I'm hi and I'm bye, wait I mean I'm straight I'mma give you this wine, the runner just brought the grapes My brother give it some time, Morris, and Day Course you know the vibe's as fly as the rhymes On the song, cut and you could sample the feel Headphone bleed, make this shit sound real Used to work the grill, fatburger and fries Then I made a mil and them psychics was liars Now, how many fuckin' crystal balls can I buy and own Humble old me had to flex for the fogs Down in Muscle Beach pumpin' iron and bone Bumpin' oldies off my cellular phone Yeah, bumpin' oldies off my cellular phoneGoddammit, this rapping is stupid and it's hard Gotta do it over and over and over again but here I goHey it's Jasper, not even a rapper Only on this beat to make my racks grow faster Got a TV show, so I guess I'm an actor Pot head, half baked, lookin' like Chappelle Rollin' up a blunt with that fire from hell Still ignorant, still hit a bitch Wolf Gang, nigga, so I still don't give a shit Catch me in the back with Miley on my lap Bong rips as I feel on that little bitch catHah, nigga came through with a 9 bar real quick Just for the bitches, little bit of money in my pocket Fuck it, Wolf GangYeah, fuck that, look, the contrast is a pair of lips Swallowin' sarapin, settin' fires to sheriffs whips (Whoosp, whoosp) fuckin' All-American terrorist Crushin' rapper larynx to feed 'em a fuckin' carrot stick And me? I just spent a year Ferrisin' And lost a little sanity to show you what hysterics is Spit to the lips meet the bottom of a barrel So that sterile piss flow remind these niggas where embarrassed is Narrow, tight line, might impair him since I made it back to Fahrenheit, grimey get dinero type Feral, fuckin' ill apparel, wearin' pack of parasites Threw his own youth off the roof after paradise La di da di, back in here to fuck the party up Raidin' fridges, tippin' over vases with a tommy gun Never dollars, poppa make it rain hockey pucks And 60 day chips from fuckin' awesome anonymous Call him bloated 'til he show 'em that the flow deluxe Off the wall loafers, Four Loko, and a cobra clutch Vocals bold and rough, evoke a ho to pose as drum And let me hit and beat it with a stick until the hole was numb The culprit of the potent punch Scoldin' hot as dunkin' scrotum in a Folgers cup, or Nevada Drivin' drunk inside a stolen truck, shittin' like his colon bust Belly full of chicken and a fifth of old petroleum Supernova, I'm rollin' over the novices I'm roamin' through the forest and spittin' cold as the porridge is Stay gold 'til the case closed and the story end Post mortem porkin' this rap shit and record it To escort it to the morgue again, lord of lips Bored of this, forklift the tippy top, best under 40 list Stormin' the gate, ensurin' the bass, scorchin' ladies Motherfuckers sore in torso and face Get at me with savages, have a pack of Apache Indian pack of niggas who don't give a fuck if we nasty as flatulence As a matter of fact, your swagger is tacky So see me you can't like Crunchy Black catchin' a taxi Back like lateral passin' With that motherfuckin' gladiator manner of rappin' As an addict I let percocets and xannies relax me Fall back if your paddies is Maxi, pleaseOF, shit that's all I got From my bigger brother Frankie to my little brother Tac From that father figure Clancy to that skatey nigga Naks Shredding down 'Fax, Wolf Gang run the fuckin' block Storefront, knee tat Book cover is the same lettering on lettermans and cotton socks And grip tape, and my shoes Um, I was 15 when I first drew that donut 5 years later, for our label yea we own it I started an empire, I ain't even old enough To drink a fuckin' beer, I'm tipsy off this soda pop This is for the niggas in the suburbs And the white kids with nigga friends who say the n-word And the ones that got called weird, fag, bitch, nerd Cause you was into jazz, kitty cats, and Steven Spielberg They say we ain't actin' right Always try to turn our fuckin' color into black and white But they'll never change 'em, never understand 'em Radical's my anthem, turn my fuckin' amps up So instead of critiquing and bitching, being mad as fuck Just admit, not only are we talented, we're rad as fuck Bitches 

I don't own this lyrics I got it from odd future

[nelsonsledge]

"Right"?!!!! o2 oK jUS breeeath i-K-no-W=oOW-twenty uNo YEARS of remembrance, the flying times, the Y-2 soon, hey BooBoo! & "HeyYouGuys"! Electric/"StaticCompany" un'RealizED. 💡 (ideas) RIPed. Little bit liquid 📺,a dash of heatED.D-Bait ~hookED. On phonics-vs-Ebonics (Norton)ed. Spoon Feeding G-MazZ & oG'z POP'ahhs A-DasHe'dD of Voc. BreakING down on the YIN-YangG stage like cCrOss-firED. Heated freedom debating with the black|white line drawn down the center of Hot-Topics, meltdown transitions via be back in two&two wit luv connections CHuck-abbey or ObBey that Giant Client Art Biz- compared and contrasting facts vs FAX, guess sponsors lead Mr Whipples squeezing addictions, Carols Mop vs Mob Closets after the shows Bloopers Gone WildER. MadDad plots to snagG the Bad Guys with the help of a few good fellows re-Union reunited (and it feels so good, need a razorback haircut:fellas bring in the boar'dD. NeverC c music factory members only free passAGE to FEAR INC. breaking down the Benny's for any whistlers that can name that tune before the SOAP Sands of time and the hourglass runs out, with Bill Nye and Tyson DeGrassE calls Spider Man, or Dr Phil, heck House,StrangeLove, since we got the Motts, and a time machine made from a GTO, and one from a Red and White Chevy Coop, WhoopWhoop, is that the CarRrrrrrrrrr Maaaaaaaa, Poes bedtime dittys, and Huey Lewis backing up the new with guest anchor Howard the Duck, Donald telling Nephews Huey it to late for little duck rogers and that half century in frustrations, still waiting on McFlys Release, cameo and name drops like Dexakota Droopy Daddy , and fill in the blank do it yourself at home you idioms, are you smarter the a K-12 these daze all blurRed and confused, no good stuff for the kid in you, prenatal Vitaminwater and a splashing, dunk in the question-able controversial drinking waters of standardized practices, ethics redefined methods and the playDoe response time of law and order. Hopefully get the ]aS[sist with pats and handshakes of the S.Green and BlessedD by McFarLandERs crew to take on those big bad data hoards of hidden monopoly monsters in the attic,the cellars and Hey Carol Berrnet, can you get the dustpan out of the hidden good riddance closet company, those under the rug sweeping package deal-e-O , find a sewer,find a leak, find the little god and dam em'all so one day we may be able to sleep in peace without the horse head found in a poor mans bed, with color crazied observers waiting their turn to deep freeze their own heads for future-Roma dunce shelving, next to their favorite dead presidents, what a tall drink of water, the hippie hip of fresh, and who needs to breath on Mars anyway, haven't they seen Arnold's , Hey Around (cartoon btw) how'dD your eyes feel after you got sucked out that Mission Two Mars, throw the mutant out the window, oh what, wait he is one of ours, nobody likes the other guys color red for catch-up, Hunt for something intelligent out there first before you bother opening that door markED d-Secret stash of Pandora and her that's Incredible Show by choice, or force, by dreams or those Hunts while sleeping Deeper in REM version of TommyBoys and Girls all watch the ball and sing a long, hey JOE, where are you going with that... It's a Jimmy thing in your hand, fix the ball that doesn't bounce, or be a better aim with the Nerf BB gun bully bullets with butterfly wings in Malaysia, that grrrreat, find me another Tiger for Tony, we are leaving the big aA 4 Montana, getting all the good dads on file, and we are going camping, shipping in like Ellis Island a game reserve, tagging predators with Chips, have me holding Swiss cheese signs reading To New York (Tony), badD guys are forever named Tony's uNo, unless they are Grandfathered Inn, Escapes a Far Cry after paranoia plays havoc with insiders trading listSinER, for get about it, smile your on candidate candid camera, with A World gone crazy, and family Funtime is lacking, after schools demanding the united to sit down with the kids and let them teach you what they did learn in school, every home no longer a gun but a stick, a bigG stick worth a full 316 bald guy inspired Austin TX. Your welcome, last stand, attention pleas, who ever gets the history lesson questions right before 3 strikes get a 10min Rampage with full screen HD envy the rest, the new and improved SORRY mad-e by POPS with a little love from Sam the Uncle, and the Butcher Too. Feeding the hungry Yogie Bears of the Rockys and any other don't get lost out there, family fun night alternating and mandatory, like the census or taxes, Neison rates the statistics and AOL digs deep in those lost and found, B-ing gets the S-Wing while Yahoo! Gets firsts dibs after the from this point on moral fabric of the Matrix gets all calls and filtering powers MSN gets to go darker than Dark after hours, Jeckle gives Hide the ok to Seek in the forbidden areas of commerce, spy vs spy gets grey and redrawn by daybreak the lines of right vs wrong, this vs that, who get to purge, who fasts til the neXt night time showing, Rodger the Rabid Rabbit shows Rodger More secrets then any pre-or post double 0's ever wanted to know, Redefined Epic spoofing of SpyHard get a legit static stasis, absurd becoming relevant , idiots getting FaceTime on NotFOXYenuff trilogy enuff realizes finally that it could never be... enough. Bob cat Screams "Hey You Guys" Bane is the Hero that says nothing in anticipated camE-O-S and Martin Larance sound bite starts it off, "WELLCOME TO HELL BITCH" Little Suzy gets the Uzi, and mom and dad flip. for drone cone control. And somewhere in real time, Bill Mare is Shaking his head in disbelief, as he is ask to guest star as Host to Host , Mike to Ike and Space Ghost drops the Mic on the Sprint vs Verizon cage match at the center of the black and white, fine print fair or festival, live and let die fine line ? About %and Y set up, upgrades and Southpark is the best way to feed you family the GoodBadUgly truth, in the next episode of this is you life, brought to you bye the letter ((•Y•)) & U , F-like andDdick crashing always everywhere every time, Y-K"not" You A Funny Guy Co U Sin Vinnie , What happened to Spider 🕷, you hate bugs I know, rats even more so, moles are not voles, get an enPshcoLaPeezDeeAhhh Webster get of MJs lap, you way to old you know better , exceptionalism's will be considered in drawning the weekly contestants from the official offensive offenders list. Shock and aweSHIT will be redefined by the best that no money can buy. Droned head start programs will be offered free at your local anaconda or library. Futures so bright, a little birdie told me, whistled actually so absurd 80s tune not picked in the GTA soundtrack anyway, Gotta Ware Shades, n0 respect, Tall and Fat , help me Rodney Dangerfield, (BACK TO SCHOOL) can I keep Pauly , got some things in the basement I gotta figure out, sickining me something awful, perhaps if I could go beat some carcasses, frozen side-shows of Moo-B's Ink. Dance to the aAbBcC's on the rooftops with the cast of friends and Kevin Smith and get the kick in the as by a better human then most, AMY the mars cat will help Arnold put his eyes back in his head, red blinders won't be all seen in the end of show, tantrums will fade out to a happy toon , maybe classical and instrumental versions at a slower role/ tempo Sunday Monday happy days, Tuesday Wensday happy days trursday Friday happppy daze SATERNDaY what a day got some ring for you... Ohh Henry / winkler vs Rolland's (Cane vs Able) Netflix playing he didn't die, I believe u&i..DK

[gettzapped]

Want more sacred TRUTH & fun, smart-mouth brutal honesty?

TAP FOLLOW!!

#JoinTheConsciousRevolution

This message is for anyone it reaches.

This is the story of The Decline of Civility & How We Rise to the Occasion, in a NUTSHELL.

Dare ya to read til the end.

Namaste.

You know you’re climbin’ the hill when yer having your morning coffee & you look up & see Bob Marley’s grown grandson jammin’ on Good Morning America. At age 16, I literally drove up & down all the back roads of my neighborhood, just to smoke weed & sing along to the entire Bob Marley box set word for word. I would totally crush that category on Jeopardy right now. Bob had it right, from the get go. Bob to me then… was this super awesome human that ruled the world.

He was young-ish to me, even though he had already passed away by then via a sudden death, & would have been around 45, my age now. Back in the 90s he was this bold & beautiful teacher & preacher who was & is one of my most cherished & significant life-altering mentors to date.💯 He was the dude who taught me the real meaning of God & love, going way beyond the antiquated & limiting, many times hypocritical, beliefs of the Catholic church, with all due respect.

Everything I was taught to believe growing up via the Catholic curriculum, was tainted with guilt & repetitive prayers that underhandedly belittled our beings as if our duty was to grovel at the foot of a holier than thou God Man in the sky. Bob Marley was a pure channel of the most high without the filter of man. He told the TRUTH, not the bent or twisted truth version. Looking back in retrospect, what a special soul, nothing short of a GIFT to this world. Fast forward… THIRTY years later…

Times, they are ‘a’ changin’.

Here we are, circa 2020. Is it me? Or, does being alive right now, in this strange day & age feel just a wee bit kinda heavy, too serious, a small drag even, & not very sweet or free spirited? Travel is either banned or limited, stay at home orders are either being encouraged or enforced. Mask wearing has us all hidden from each other. Not to mention, events, celebrations, Sunday Funday, Date Night or Girls Night Out… are just not the same with a mask on. Ya think? Masks, the Corona Virus itself, a giant dense dust cloud aptly named Godzilla, & recently banned choke holds, are literally limiting our ability to breathe in not just fresh oxygen, but also Prana life-force. What a sad state of affairs.

Massive locust swarms are ravaging Africa, the Middle East & India in record numbers causing all kinds of serious problems. There is such a thing as a murder hornet, & you might have one in your back yard. The impending election is more like an impending knock down drag out street fight to the death. Can you picture it?

Trump Vs Biden>>>

  Calling the cops right now for regular community concerns is debatable. Law enforcement folks everywhere are either getting hemmed up or resigning. Skeletons are coming out of high places & are causing people to step down from offices. Fatal “lost” footage of incidents of police brutality are now surfacing every week & these incidents contain absolutely unacceptable & shocking behavior.

There are protests all over the world, daily & for the 5th week in a row now because of this. National statues & monuments are being defaced & knocked down. New laws are being passed, executive orders enforced, states of emergencies declared, & Constitutional rights are in major question. Not to mention, the official 2020 hurricane season just began. And, oh yes… wild fire season is coming for ya too… I can already see the ominous glow strewn across the horizon.

Cyber bandits are in hacker heaven as they ruthlessly stalk work at homers like never before. Glitches have been common place beginning with PPP loans going to businesses that didn’t even need it. Our federal government just sent 1.5 BILLION dollars in stimulus payments to deceased people by accident. Can someone tell me how it makes any sense that people are still starving in other countries when dead people have that much money? And, if millions of mistakes were made with stimulus checks… imagine how many mistakes will be made with mail-in-ballads?

Social distancing has us all separated & suspicious of each other.

Hugs, kisses & mingling are frowned upon. Vacationing is practically prohibited, & god forbid you might want to casually date, have a cocktail, see live music… or get on a dance floor. Many pools are closed & you could get a hefty fine if you are on a beach without a mask. There is crazy talk about mandating vaccines, & that if you don’t comply, you could be dragged into a clinic & forced to take the needle. Did someone say “Police State?”

po·lice state /pəˈlēs ˈstāt/ noun [a totalitarian state controlled by a political police force that secretly supervises the citizens’ activities. A police state is a government that exercises power through the power of the police force. Since the beginning of the 20th century it has “taken on an emotional and derogatory meaning” by describing an undesirable state of living characterized by the overbearing presence of the civil authorities. The inhabitants of a police state may experience restrictions on their mobility, or on their freedom to express or communicate political or other views, which are subject to police monitoring or enforcement.]

SOUND FAMILIAR? You tell me…

There continues to be an uptick in cases, a reverse in openings, a rise in unemployment, & many small businesses do not have a fighting chance. Our economy is crashing & I wouldn’t be surprised if front line workers across the globe either seek an early retirement or become alcoholics at the end of this. Just the words alone “Corona Virus,” are enough to drive anyone mad at this point. If I have to hear David Muir say those two words one more time, I think I will just… spit. lol

What I would give to just have another go at summer camp ’85… when Tom & Jerry & a fat bowl of Apple Jacks ruled Saturday mornings, MTV was the greatest new invention, the pool & the ice cream man were the highlights of my day. Ah, days of innocence, ignorance & bliss, pig tails, & pink glitter jellies…  I was 8, lol.

The Old Earth is dying to make way for the New Earth that is emerging.

I feel sad, I can’t help it. There is a death taking place. A grieving period is at hand. The old familiar is being laid to rest. If you are a Gen-Xer, & you don’t feel just a wee bit sentimental right now, you might just be a robot with wirey machine guts & no soul. Those do exist ya know. They work for the impostor network, fondly named  hu-bots in our likeness. 🤖🤖🤖 Just making that up. But ya never know… 😳

As far as I am concerned, we have all been here on earth before, many, many times actually. Indeed, according to the Akashic records (or book of life), we have all lived on Earth in various other forms & dimensions or lifetimes of experience & expression that took place among all the many chapters of human existence. The returning is called reincarnation.

That said, I’m really not being a brat when I snip snap how annoyed I am right now. We might have cell phones & instant gratifications all over the place, & could be considered the most spoiled of any generation before us. And, no, we are not having to run for cover from bombs or hide from dictators, forage for food, or travel for days on horseback just to get home, but… god damn it…

We ARE having to endure a planetary transformation, like none ever experienced before. 🦋

Akashic Records Explained: click here!

There has got to be something said about that, right? I mean, come on. Let’s not sugarcoat. This entire stranger than fiction scene via 2020, is a straight shit show, if I ever saw one. If Aliens were looking down on us right now, they’d be like, “pass the space curls, Bra, what do ya say we kick it at the ship for a bit, rock some Netflix & chill… looks like the Earthlings are straight freaking out.” 👽👽👽

Ya think? Just when ya think it can’t get crazier, IT DOES. Am I lying? You just can’t make it up. And, every time ya turn on the talking head show… Blondie’s at the center of it all with some variation of reckless tweet in hand & that weird game face grimace that was solely constructed to throw people off. That part frown, part scowl & part smirk face. The smirk scowl frown. Trump has officially coined it, for sure.

To be clear, I’m not for or against Mister Trump, for several valid reasons.

But, as far as lip service is concerned, his stage presence could use a little pick me up. You know I’m not lying. We could really all use an articulate leader right about now, who knows how to speak from the heart & genuinely channel some wisdom, grace, goodness & guidance. But… we have the game show host of the Apprentice instead. Oh well. Looks like it’s up to us to be individually empowered cheerleaders then. 😎

I gotta say, if you are truly what you eat, then Mister Trump is definitely a hot dog. His diet is not a healthy one. I kinda feel sorry for the guy a little, I really do honestly feel like he is missing LOVE in his life. It just goes to show that you can have all the money & power in the world, but still be empty inside. No wonder why he insists on holding these big rallies, it’s the only way he receives the praise he needs to feel loved. Even Donald Trump deserves that. I think someone needs to tap ’em on the shoulder & when he turns around, just pull ’em in for a great big 5 minute bear hug. He needs it.

Anyway… going back to what’s happening to society at large, our entire infrastructure of how we KNEW things, what we grew up on, have been accustomed to, & familiar with… is crumbling. It’s a hard pill to swallow, any way you look at it… no matter who you are & how you slice it. Even history is being rewritten, if that even makes any sense. Sometimes deep down in that remote part of me, I just wish I was time traveled back on that horse in the Midwest riding through hills & valleys marveling at the sunset on the stretching vast horizon, chewing on a stick, tipping my hat to strangers, the whistle in the wind, my zen.

No more innocent puffy cotton candy days of ignorance & bliss for us.

The truth is all over the place now, in our face, on sidewalks, picket signs, park benches, billboards, bumper-stickers, brands, sides of buildings, peoples masks & tee shirts. Truth messages are everywhere ya turn. We can no longer get away with being spaced out, uninformed, unaware or broken. It is the information age after all. Now-a-days, ignorance is a choice.

Healing your demons or not, is also a choice, with so many various modalities currently available to clean, clear & help navigate through problematic issues, mental illness, or psychological challenges. Shame on you if you choose to continue to stay sick, stuck or stewing. For the love of God, you have a duty to the human race to be your best self. Stop being a pussy (with all due respect). There are no more excuses that give you a pass. We are all NOW WOKE, almost upon every single level, & if you are not… well, you must be either living under a rock, in major denial, not have internet, in a coma, really stoned, zoned out or zooted.

Speaking of which, opioids are NOT cool anymore, kids. They used to be though, in the Frank Lucas days of the sixties, or back when Sid Vicious shouted obscenities all over London town like a raging mad lunatic. They were even cooler when the garage band, grunge era squeezed every melodramatic dark & stormy personality out of the wormwood-work in the 90s. Kurt Cobain was smashing guitars & falling off stages, the ghost of Jim Morrison was God, mosh pits were a local staple, & droves of squatters, “gutter punks,” & “Deadheads” traveled in packs. They were a movement of sorts blanketing the nation with their knotty beaded dreads, guitar cases full of coins & joints, scabies, body odor, stray dogs, tatts & green & gold mohawks.

Just loitering all over your town, this brand of misguided youth had a knack for learning the hard way, & probably really thought they could put Raves & Dead shows on their resume under the relevant experience section. In those days, a Rock Stars’s M.O. was: dead in a hotel room at the ripe age of 27… The magic # for dying young. Being found dead with a needle in your arm under a bridge was not all that uncommon. Back in the day, that was actually a dignified way to to go, of sorts, in a twisted poetic kind of way.

EVERYBODY was high back then.

  Nothing mattered. No one cared. No one had to, really. Cause we all had a slew of good excuses memorized that made total sense & could hardly be denied by the status quo. Society was in the throes of dirty secrets, social injustice & an impending civil war, not to mention WAR. The kind where 1000s of soldiers are senselessly killed on foreign soil. Irac war, Desert storm, Gulf war, Afghanistan, Al-Qaeda, eventually 911 & the war on terror. I’m no war buff but if you Google “war from 1990-2002,” Wikapedia produces a list 50+ long. War List

We were the rebellious kids making noise all over the place that carried the sins of our fathers to the extreme & acted out on the world stage because of it. That was the way we protested for change. Black painted nails, lips & eyes, ripped flannels, fishnets, chains, piercings, steel toe Doc Martins, patchouli, & cloves. Mosh pits, crowd surfing, a week long Dead show tripping balls was how we channeled our inner rage & copped right out of society.

We all had shitty childhoods. We all were scarred by religion or abuse. All of our genes were compromised & most of our family units were broken & dysfunctional. Many of us came from drugs & alcohol & poverty in the first place. Especially those who wound up trapped in a broken system disguised as a rescue mission called “Foster care.” We were bullied, outcasted, still in the closet, & also still secretly separated by race, gender, sexual preference, religion, nationality & class, whether anyone wanted to admit to it or not. There was an underlying segregation on every level.

We all smoked cigs, blunts, bowls, hit bongs, you name it.

There was the straight edge crew, however we all had the same core emotional discourse with each other. Speaking from the perspective of the darker end of the spectrum, we were constantly skeeming, scamming, bending the rules & breaking the law. School royally sucked & prospects for college weren’t a priority. We were gonna play music, hang on the corner or in a yard, get high n live in the basement or a back seat of a car forever & pan handle, dumpster dive, table score, & steal shit to stay afloat. Most of us wound up addicts or alcoholics & had to diligently dig ourselves out of a big black hole eventually later on, me included. Jay & silent Bob ring a bell? Yep, totally my generation.

Jackass anyone? Yep, also my generation… 😬

I wonder whatever happened to the many peeps of crazy Gen-X? I bet at least half are dead.

News update: those days are over, people. Heroin, dope, smack, whatever ya wanna call it, is OUT, not in. Heavy drugs & any kind of substance abuse is super frowned upon now. Copping out, dropping out & nodding out is no longer a thing. Can’t get away with shit, now. Not to mention there are cameras on every single stitch of every single corner. Big brother is not only watching, but if you have your location feature turned on, on your phone right now… the feds can show up at your exact location within seconds. Back in the day, drug dealers had cops paid off. Crooked cops & local politicians were not uncommon. And when the warrant unit kicked in the door with a Rolodex of mug shots, a blow job for a blind eye was an even exchange. Not to mention, no one had phones with recording  or location devices back then, no body cams… it was easy to be a stealthy deviant.

Can’t even get high, now-a-days, cause you are more likely to die first. Heroin packets are laced with Phentanol, first & foremost, AND ALSO… many other cuts that kill. Now, is not the time to be an Amateur. Heroin is no longer a recreational drug people may casually partake. It was always a risk & had always been abused to the max, no doubt… BUT NOW>>> it is a bonafide death wish, 100%, hands down. Russian Roulette, anyone? Doing dope is dangerous circa 2020, now more than ever before, simply for this very reason.

JUST SAY NO, is an understatement.

There is no endearment in the dope department, no fondness of the “nod,” or the punk rock kid just wigging out on the front lawn. No, we are woke now. Ignorance & bliss no longer exist. Period. End of story. Now is the time to get clean, if your not. Seriously, it’s just not cool anymore. The opioid crisis as they call it now, is such an F-ing, annoyance of our day. If you are not a part of the solution, then you are absolutely part of the problem. We frown upon problem people with issues, & addictions. The world today doesn’t play that mini violin for ya any more. Either you utilize the massively funded system in place to stop using drugs, get help, get healed & get completely redirected or go to jail & stay there. Zero tolerance is en vogue now. People are sick & tired of dealing with the folks who are sick & tired.😕

Back in my day, you were lucky if you could get into a 3 day detox… & if you did, there was a good chance you wouldn’t get any further treatment after that. The government didn’t care about us. We were scum of the earth to them. Not to mention, that 3 day detox was likely located right in the heart of the hood where you got high in the first place. All we did for 3 days was throw back orangy shots of methadone, gobble carbs, binge on sugary snacks, slirp serious coffee & smoke loads of everybody’s cigarettes.

With any luck, we’d catch a 5 cent rehab romance or two & get laid in a maintenance closet. Then we lazily lounged around in our shower shoes, with our “poor me” hats on… bragging about endless war stories, each one trumping the next. Squeeze a few mandatory NA meetings in there, & we were all feeling like, (big fat L on the forehead) Laaa—ooosers. By the time they let us back out… we weren’t clean or rehabilitated, we were worse, with brighter bad ideas & way better connections to way better shit. And waiting right outside, strategically placed there I’m sure… was the pusherman across the street on the corner, with your fresh blue Bart Simpson wake up bag to boot.

Once again, in case you haven’t noticed there is zero tolerance these days for any of that business. No body likes drug dealers who pollute our youth & no body wants to see anymore succubuses running around dumbfounded by life. Go get yourself some help, & stay there, ride it out & come out the other side with some sense, bro. Our world needs people with clarity, useful knowledge, skills & INTEGRITY. Not drop out losers & leechers. Take that shit elsewhere.

Maybe the Aliens will let you kick it with them in some space pod, where you will be welcome to space out. Cause this world today that we live in? Ain’t playin’ that runaway train wreck shit. 76 is the new 46 & Jerry Springer is probably floating around on a catamaran somewhere in the south of France right about now, puffin’ a Cuban & sippin’ Scotch from a lowball. And 81 year old Maury Povich is finally retired, probably livin’ in a Hawaiian shirt on a fishing dock in the Keys, sittin’ pretty on that heap of stock he invested in the paternity test market back in the early 2000’s.⛳🏌🌴

Yes… okay, it’s the 21st century, so let’s be reminded that unlike ever before, a large demographic of opioid addicts are actually functional responsible adults. The addict avatar is no longer just the junkie.

I see you…

“Soccer mom” types top the list. Suburbia pill pushers that have normal 9-5 lives & even go to church on Sunday are the new brand of dealers on speed dial. Attention: YOU TOO… need to snap out of it. You’re not foolin’ anybody, with your salon fresh, tennis mini skort wine Wednesday happy pill prance. You’re not foolin’ anybody with your side part Rico suave, plaid golf shirt little league coach next door swagger. We know what you have in your purse or back pocket. No matter who you are, it’s all the SAME GAME. Substance abuse doesn’t discriminate. Your behavior is no more useful to our society than the kid stoned on the step. You are reading this for a reason. Pass this message on to your base!

Remember when the Jehovah Witness folks used to go around knocking on everyone’s door & then leave those sunshiny pamphlets all over town for the pigeons to shit on? Those “Watchtower” pamphlets some with the heading: “The New Earth,” had pencil sketches of the world all happy, free & in perfect harmony. Well, turns out they weren’t too far off base. This historic moment now, is the long awaited age of Aquarius which has been described in religious literature to be the fateful end of times & the birth of the New Earth times.

However, the fantasy cartooned depiction of a mass “Rapture,” where only those who are saved fly up to heaven on some wondrous beaming holy elevator, while all the others are left here to go up in the flames of hell fire, isn’t accurate. This implication of impending doom was & is simply just a tall tale or fantastic fable construed to depict an exaggerated version of events that would come to be. The truth of the matter is, yes, while it may look like a shitshow here on Earth right now, there will be no actual Rapture. There will be a rather, gradual process of renewal, redefinition, reinvention, restoration & new beginnings here on the planet as we get through to the other side beyond the death & destruction of the old familiar ego-based infrastructure. “Oh so that’s what those cats were talkin’ about…”

This era we are living through & particularly this year 2020 phase of it… is the day & age when all the old distorted programs get extinguished.

Any & all the sludge that is leftover stuck to the streets, bathroom walls, or to peoples attitudes… will be exterminated. Up to & including the opioid crisis. This opioid crisis is gonna get flushed right down the toilet of yesteryear with the rest of the outcasted old paradigms, bad habits, poor patterns & expired programs. 🚬🚽💉💊 The system has already been implementing pseudo opioid pharmaceutical maintenance drugs such as buprenorphine, for some time now, which will indefinitely replace actual opioids in the end, for good. Going forward from now on, these controlled substances will initiate a mass rehabilitation like none ever seen before. No exceptions. So if you are a drug addict… you best rethink your position & consider jumping on the bandwagon… before one of those itty bitty bags or homemade pills drops YOU like a fly. Cause it’s only a matter of time.

Just like Antifa… there are underground militia that are wired for active duty, who work for the upper echelon who are given special orders to corrupt the system in special very intentional ways. Opioids are deliberately laced with lethal chemicals. You don’t know?? Nothing is an accident. The system will clean up these streets one way or another. May as well go get on the all expenses paid million dollar maintenance plan express. Choo! Choo! That’s what the system has set up for the substance abuser, the addict & user, at this time.

Then, you too can start being an asset to the community instead of a billowing idiot who nods out on steps & forgets to eat & shower, work & be responsible. Society has outgrown the drone. Bands like Alice & Chains, Stone Temple Pilots, Tool, Slayer, Marilyn Manson, Danzig, Disturbed… just to name a few, aren’t relevant anymore. On the other end of the spectrum, Biggie Smalls, Tupac, NWA growin up in the hood type stuff that was super fueled with aggressive tones, egregious frustration, anger, revile & retribution, too, are not relevant any more.

That kind of corrupt cryptic culture no longer serves us.

Teenage angst, overdosing, gang banging & suicidal tendencies are no longer en vogue. The heavy wave of darkness that was held in place by art imitating life like that… is no longer drowning our culture in lament & contempt.

Rolling Stone is now about the band or musician most likely to start a non profit & raise a skillion dollars for hungry kids & starving goats somewhere in Thailand. These artists today are all evolved & enlightened with backstories of triumph & positive vibes. Most of the musicians & artists who created memorable moments back in the day, did so from a place of total unrest, rebellion, anger & anxiety & as a reflection of the dark underbelly of a society gone rogue on so many levels.

It was the beautifully flawed artistic era of the creative expression of the “shadow.”

It was where conflict, dark emotional stuff, pain, grit, grief, & escape mechanisms lived & were even celebrated. Being stoned to oblivion, tripping balls for days, slingin’ rock, dope or weed, partying overboard or head banging with a vengeance was a common thread. However what the world needs now… is LOVE, sweet love, drug & hostility free. All that crazy immature rigmarole that made us pumped for destruction before, is simply not accurate or useful anymore.

Geez, for the past 100 years, since Al Capone days, our culture has both feared, served, & glorified gangsters. The Italian Mob, The Irish Mob, The Cartels. These people were glamorized for their bad attitudes, & bass ass personas. They were esteemed for their violent no nonsense malevolent activity. Story after bloody story told, movie after movie made to showcase their swag. Talk about art imitating life, the general populous romanticized De Niro movies & the Sopranos. And, Al Pacino? The holy grail. Every drug dealer’s house I ever went to back in the day had a “Scarface” poster on the wall, no kidding.

“Say hi to my little friend…” was like a friggin mission statement to them.

  I mean, don’t get it twisted, I am 100% Italian from Philadelphia Pa, & these people were my ancestors. They have an endearing quality to me more than anybody. But, just because that’s what one is familiar with, doesn’t make it right. These guys look like my Dad, brothers, grandfather, uncles & cousins. I get warm & fuzzy just seeing their stony mugs. Somehow, It makes me feel safe & like Spaghetti dinner on Sunday. And, voila! That’s how they get ya. A good mastermind lures you in with Ted Bundy charm, smarts & swagger & then when you’re not looking, he beheads the dog & cuts you into pieces & sends them in a box to your mother.

Our culture has put bad characters on pedestals, idolized cold blooded killers that were ruthless & dangerous.

In doing so, we basically condoned cruel & unusual punishment & just about revered made men as hometown heroes. Mafiosos were nothing short of a menace to society. These local terrorists infiltrated the streets, neighborhoods, & communities with fear, lies, deceit, drugs, infidelity, violence, greed, prostitution & organized crime. Law enforcement was in on it many times, they all were in bed together. So many senseless deaths over the years. Thank god, that craze & obsession with this avatar is expiring now. Those old gangsters need to stay right in the graves they lie in. R.I.P.

We do not have room for angst or aggression in our midst, anymore.

Don’t ya think we’ve had enough?? That tired old program is defeated & withering away with the horse it rode in on. It’s about time that we move to improve, & begin to infuse our communities with positive vibrations. Sounds familiar doesn’t it? Bob Marley box set anyone? Gee, if Bob was alive circa 2020, he would have been proud… lol. Hemp gardens, weed farms, weed bars, CBD products, cannabis culture, legalization of marijuana. I bet Bob has rolled over in his grave so many times by now, he decided to get up, climb out & do a dance. Not saying cannabis is the answer, but, it can definitely be a vice we can work with going forward, to help generations transition to an eventual substance free life mode.

That said, we now have the tools to go forth in style & become the tribe of humans we were destined to become.

Not only do we have the cannabis culture to assist by making the transitions smoother & less resistant, but we have established & secured a holistic movement. Today in this country & across the globe, there is a mass alliance of lightworker individuals who work for the highest good of humanity. This worldwide movement of people endorse, promote & practice holistic healing methods, spiritual guidance systems, natural remedies, mindset shifting, metaphysics, meditation, yoga, breathwork, & all the Spiritual Arts. In lieu of pharmaceutical drugs, holistic health practitioners now offer organic natural medicinal solutions to ailments & illnesses that do indeed work to restore & protect wellness without toxic chemicals with likely side effects.

Now more than any time in history, we have 1000s of healers (with bells on) all over the map, who are ready & waiting to help.

If you are willing, you can even learn to be one of these people, via online certification programs, classes, retreats, & live events that teach,  reveal & implement sacred knowledge. You too, can now become a life coach, energy worker, healer, wayshower, soul guide, spiritual advisor, or holistic practitioner. There are thousands of specialized programs to explore. The Mind Valley Academy, being one of the most popular educational platforms with a plethora of bootcamps, classes & programs to sharpen, shift, & assist you in becoming the best version of yourself thus fulfilling your Divine purpose. Heck, YouTube is now chock full of amazing portals of knowledge & wisdom, as is Facebook live.

No longer must we sit around waiting & wondering when & how & who & what & why me?? No longer do we need to be victims & victimizers, escape artists, fear-based hate mongers, or blind followers who avoid the true good humane experience of a life well-lived. No longer must we subject ourselves to distorted miscreated wounded identities that evolved from the lack, limitation, blocks, densities, & old stuck stuff inherited from our wounded ancestors generation after bloody generation. That’s the outdated version of the human being.

👿😟😱😠😓😫😞😒😢😐😬😶😖😵😴

It’s time for love, light & high vibration. Lets graduate.

It’s time to upgrade the system to meet the needs of the new normal the new brand of human wherefore he is mostly freed from those spiky chain links of a distorted, miscreated, wounded identity.

The melancholy of yesteryear was born from the underlying sicknesses beneath the surface.

Just look at all the sick, twisted, despicable, & most times diabolical behaviors of Catholic child molesters, Boy Scout molesters, Olympic (USA Gymnastics) molesters, & all the famous rapists like Cosby, Weinstein, Epstein, R Kelly, & Matt Lauer who ruined soooooo many lives. Look at all the covered up sex assault cases in the Military. Look at the millions of Indigenous women that have gone missing to no avail. Look at the 10’s of thousands of unsolved rape cases, with kits to prove it, dating back decades, that are still buried in file cabinets to the ceiling in warehouses across every municipality there is. Look at all the clandestine sex trafficking rings, incest cases, international gender inequalities that force females to be slaves or sexually mutilated. Look at all the insidious sex assaults that had been woven into the fabric of the dysfunctional modern day corporate world & a predominately sexist society, up until now. Harassment in the workplace, unfair treatment, unequal pay, & mad disparities between races & genders have been rampant across the board.

In the current 2020 climate, we are now seeing sex abuse, racism & police brutality unearthed center stage for everyone to witness. All the wrongdoing in our culture is now being EXPOSED in all its glory once & for all. The Twelve Step program says: “secrets keep us sick,” & this applies here. No longer can any of these unethical destructive behavioral patterns infiltrate our human society, if they are publicly displayed. As all of it becomes a secret no more… we as a nation of human beings can begin to walk down the road to recovery & heal. Recovery from the addictions humans have to each other, injustice, control, power, mistakes, missteps, fear, anger, pain, grief, greed, suffering, sex, food, abuse, overuse, the 7 deadly sins, if you will.

Originating in Christian theology, the seven deadly sins are pride, envy, gluttony, greed, lust, sloth, and wrath. Pride is sometimes referred to as vanity or vainglory, greed as avarice or covetousness, and wrath as anger. That sounds about right.

How about human’s horrible addiction to animal flesh & product, otherwise known as meat, seafood & dairy?

This unnecessary propensity to consume animal at all the levels that we do as a race… is no longer a mode of survival, it is a gross abuse & misuse of power to the absolute EXTREME. There is absolutely NO REASON we as a human race NEED to consume animal product in the excessive EXTREME way that we are brainwashed to do. IT’S WRONG.

And, I’m sorry I’m not sorry, but Asian countries are the worst. They kill dogs for food, for godsake. RIGHT NOW, terrified dogs & cats are crammed in cages in some dark back alley in China, waiting to be tormented, tortured & killed by sick & twisted bad greedy people for the sake of a sale & unnecessary human consumption. What is wrong with these people??

Animals in cages, animals shoved in pens, animals caught in traps, animals violated, tortured, taunted, hunted or executed… THIS IS  NOT OKAY. God’s creatures deserve humane rights & dignities, & deserve to be honored, respected & valued. Any human being that goes against that, is going against GOD. In circa 2020, there are millions of animals far & wide abused, hurt, tortured, imprisoned, slaughtered & murdered every single second of every single day upon this Earth planet. Any HUMAN drone, monster or blind follower that commits these heinous acts, plays any part in them, endorses them, funds them or participates in any way… will be subject to KARMIC BACKLASH. Do not be mistaken.

🐷🐮🐶🐒🐴🐑🐘🐔🐣🐖🐂🐎🐄🐟🐙🐬🐐🐏🐅🐕🐓🦌🦏🦆🦅🦁🦃🦀🦂🐰🐒🐢🐧🐦🐻🐨

Did you know that kielbasa & sausage are made of residual meat guts stuffed into a casing made of animal intestines. The chicken you ate yesterday was slaughtered inhumanely for your unnecessary consumption.

Gummy bears are made with beef gelatin. Red food coloring like in a Red Velvet cake is made of beetle bodies. That collagen in your beauty product is likely made of bovine connective tissue. Cow’s milk does NOT do a body good, either.

Maybe we should consider taking a page out of certain celebrity playbooks…

  Sugary stuff made with sweeteners such as high fructose corn syrup, “diet” stuff made with sucralose, & artificially flavored & colored stuff made with genetically modified organisms… are harmful & can even be deadly. These things if consumed regularly over a period of time, will rot your teeth, corrode your arteries, spike your blood levels, & age & deteriorate your body, heart & mind. Over time, these things will produce poisonous bacteria & micro organisms that will make a home in your G.I. track & inevitably will compromise your ability to expel waste. That means, you will rot from the inside out, like a toilet that is never flushed. Pretty gross, but pretty true.

PROPAGANDA is false advertising that is constructed for one reason: to make people believe they need a certain product in order to be healthy or happy… or else. Or else is the key catch phrase here. It’s the oldest marketing trick in the book… to employ urgency via a fear of the consequences of missing out on that benefit.

They lie to us.

  This shit is not cool or healthy or aligned with any kind of new improved direction we as humans are desperately attempting to move in. We should outlaw all of it. That stuff doesn’t reflect us anymore. Just like the Confederate flag, the slave owner soldier statues, the class warfare of our tax system, the rich getting richer & poor getting poorer system of a bogus democracy, the 9 to 5 American Dream sham model, lame excuses for hourly wages, the federal standard “minimum wage,” exorbitant student loan debt, high interest car payments & mortgages that enslave us for decades. Then we have deeply inaccurate text books, biased history books, an uninspiring school system & an outdated crooked curriculum that we have been forcing on our children generation upon generation, to learn & absorb by law. What a miscarriage of justice. None of it works. None of it even makes sense.

This is the “old familiar” that no longer serves us.

All of it is based on rotting outdated principles that do not build or advance us positively. All of it was invented by the ego-based regime of a man made system that honored a man-made rule of law. At this point, it no longer fits the bill, & has proven over time to be extremely insidiously damaging & counter intuitive, to say the least. Statistic after sad statistic we see a clear systemic failure to properly deliver life, liberty & the pursuit of happiness. Do people really still believe the BIG LIE? It’s hard to watch the mainstream media sometimes, when so many stories featured are with people who play the victim card. The system was made to label, divide, separate, brainwash, control, manipulate & victimize. It was a set up to begin with.

The entire world infrastructure has produced extreme class warfare, economic, cultural & educational disparities. The American system has produced extreme class warfare, economic, cultural & educational disparities & has been designed to work only for a select few. The system has failed the rest of us royally. The system that had been in place all these years has essentially sold us all snake oil. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. The good intention in this case is the sale of the American pipe dream. Buying into the chasing the tail mentality of a 40 hour workweek & all that goes with it, has taken our souls hostage while breaking spirits & breaking up families. Ants marching, drones, zombies, blind followers, rats in cages, sheeple, whatever ya wanna call it. The system over all, has produced & proliferated a plethora of adverse conditions. Instead of thriving citizens, we have just surviving citizens, big difference. The system of man’s government, society & free enterprise needs to be revised.

In one way or another, the current structure of government, society & free enterprise has clearly produced & proliferated the following:

[Sickness, disease, dissatisfaction, unfulfillment, obesity, struggle, fear, anger, sadness, stress, anxiety, mental illness, poverty, food deserts, food insecurity, hunger, homelessness, helplessness, hopelessness, violence, terrorism, war, slavery, addiction, substance abuse, crime, suicide, child abuse, sexual abuse, domestic abuse, unwanted pregnancies, abortion, damaging control dramas, a dog eat dog dynamic, us versus them mentality, overworked & underpaid struggling slaves to society & ultimately a compromised quality of life across the board.]

I don’t call that a successful system. That system has riddled us with issues, drama, & pain. That system has exhausted us, diluted us, damaged us, & corrupted us. What we need is reform to the highest degree. We need mass renovation, redefinition & reinvention, NOW. This unjust system must be rewired to fit a new improved system of advancement that serves us honestly, fair, balanced, efficiently, effectively for all, & based on principles with morals & values that serve God’s law not man’s.

We must ultimately move away from the “rape consciousness” of the earth & its inhabitants, to the consciousness of compassion.

By honoring Mother Earth we activate the Divine force of unity, oneness & love. We go from ego-based living to soul based living, leaving behind what no longer serves us as we go forth to unlock the Divine within. This shift must happen in order for humankind & the planet to be spared from karmic consequences of death & destruction. Matter of fact it IS happening right now as we go through this 2020 year. Lightworkers & Wayshowers are working tirelessly across the globe to download new DNA codes & upgrades so to assist humanity into moving into a 5D experience here on Earth. Not to mention, the planetary realm & the sacred science of astrology has been delivering eclipse after eclipse to assist in these massive energy shifts happening to not only us, but by & large to the very crystalline core of the Earth Star, upon every single level!

Flowers will smell more fragrant, air will be fresher, music more melodic, food will feed not just the senses, but the soul.

Our lives will no longer be burdened by old expired programs of survival, sacrifice, suffering, trading time for money, but be aligned, attuned, calibrated & upgraded, rather, to a new & improved level of existence. A new level of existence wherefore everything we have been living thus far will just BE BETTER, brighter, easier, more advanced, enjoyable, flowing & fulfilling. You could call it, moving closer to the paradigm of Heaven on Earth.

Instead of being takers, thieves, or energy vampires stealing from the planet, others, animals & resources… we become radiant evolved bringers of light, harvesters of abundance, & conscious creators. Instead of being savage scavengers, suffering succubuses, victims & blamers we become responsible manifestors of life-giving habits & practices. Habits & practices that restore, preserve, protect, fortify, revitalize, & energize. Habits & practices that produce, provide & promote peace. Habits & practices that heartily harness holistic health, happiness & harmony.

The goal & ultimate endgame, is to collectively move away from our addiction to pain, struggle & suffering.

This long overdue courageous quantum LEAP of faith begins when we give ourselves permission to level up. When we willfully choose to move into embodying our light codes, activating our light bodies & thus upgrading our beings into a higher vibratory frequency on a cellular level, we do that. Only in this way can our multi-dimensionality be integrated into our “mundane” daily lives. Mundane daily lives AKA the 3 Dimensional & 4 Dimensional realms.

Jesus said, “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life, No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6) Christians are often criticized for claiming that Jesus is the only way to God. But what he/they meant was this: only by raising the vibration/frequency of our energetic Auric fields, can we coexist with the Earth plane & Planet Terra in a more advanced 5 Dimensional God-forward way. Raising our vibration is how we embody the Christ (Cosmic) Consciousness (essentially embodiment of said Jesus), & is indeed the ONE & ONLY way to live free & be in alignment with the totality of LOVE. Only via raising our vibration can we experience & express the “God Image” we were meant to be made in. Only by WAY of raising our vibration do we & can we embody the TRUTH & LIFE, Jesus was speaking about.

*3 Dimensional (height, width & depth physical plane)

*4 Dimensional (emotions, time, space, astral plane)

*5 Dimensional (Angels, guides, elemental beings, beyond the veil of illusion or physical/emotional planes. The Fifth Dimension is a level of consciousness. We move into this level of consciousness after Self Realization or the realization of our GOD selves has occurred.

And in & through entering the “Kingdom of God” this way… we thus free up the many burdens of this 3D level of experience. We thus loosen the chains of the 3D physical realm of low hanging fruit which has essentially bound us to the dense & heavy vibration of malevolence & misfortune. if we choose to RISE, we can & will facilitate a much smoother earth plane experience & thus exist here in a higher vibratory frequency mode. Technology is now in the process of going from 4G to 5G, just as our beings are now similarly going from 3D to 5D & beyond. It’s no coincidence this is happening simultaneously. We update & upgrade our technology as warranted, what makes our beings or souls any different? I’m like walking around with a sign that says: “Getchyour DNA upgrades here!” lol

It is now TIME to integrate our Divine Sovereignty.

There are free ACTIVATIONS available all over the place. I will list links below. That said, let’s reach up & pull that grace down into us. It is now time for us to no longer fear death by no longer fearing to live LIFE FULLY. It is now time to delete old programs & paradigms that kept harbored heartache alive. Each & every time an old pattern or program, or deceptive or negative thought arises, just consciously release it into the white light of transmutation. It’s easy. Each time one surfaces, simply acknowledge it & let it go. Catch & release, if you will. Imagine watching it rise into the light, pop & disappear with all the rest of the popping bubbles of injustice, inequity, & fear.

Then, state this powerful affirmation with conviction: “I NOW RELEASE any pattern or program that no longer serves my highest good or the highest good of others. I NOW RELEASE any & all habits or addictions that no longer serve my highest good or the highest good of others. I NOW UNLOCK my true Divine I AM presence. I NOW UNLOCK my true inner Divine avatar. I NOW EMBRACE my soul’s true purpose. I NOW EMBRACE my highest vibrational center point of gravity. I NOW ALLOW perfect union with the Divine. I NOW ALLOW the ease of this life to serve me. I NOW KNOW my next step. I NOW KNOW my next move. I AM confidently moving into Authentic Action. I AM Divinely guided & light-filled as I move forward ever-present on the Divine path of my highest calling. Easily & effortlessly do I RISE. Repeat as needed. 

Fear & scarcity only arise to protect us. These are a false sense of security & are illusions there-of. F. E. A. R. False Evidence Appearing Real.

There is nothing to fear here.

A new day has dawned, one of perfect union with the Divine, one heart, one love, together we rise. So it is!

Namaste

Jenay Zapp (keep scrolling)

One Love

Bob Marley

Press Play!

One love One heart Let’s get together and feel all right Hear the children cryin’ (One love) Hear the children cryin’ (One heart) Sayin’ give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right Sayin’ let’s get together and feel all right

Let them all pass all their dirty remarks (One love) There is one question I’d really love to ask (One heart) Is there a place for the hopeless sinners Who has hurt all mankind just to save his own beliefs

One love! What about the one heart (One heart) What about the people Let’s get together and feel all right As it was in the beginning (One love) So shall it be in the end (One heart) All right Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right Let’s get together and feel all right

One more thing Let’s get together to fight this Holy Armageddon (One love) So when the Man comes there will be no, no doom (One song) Have pity on those whose chances grows thinner There ain’t no hiding place from the Father of Creation

Sayin’ one love What about the one heart (One heart) What about the Let’s get together and feel all right

I’m pleadin’ to mankind! (One love) Oh, Lord (One heart) Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right Let’s get together and feel all right Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right Let’s get together and feel all right

Songwriters: Curtis Mayfield / Bob Marley

3D… R.I.P.✌

Press Play!

Activation List:

Ask Angels website for activations

Era of Peace website for Vlog activations

New Earth One website for 100s of activations

“The name AMERICA is an anagram for the I AM RACE. This name was intended to reflect a race of God Conscious people comprised of ALL races, ALL nationalities, ALL cultures, ALL religions, ALL creeds and ALL Lifestyles. A race of people who are functioning within the full embrace of their I AM Presence reflecting Oneness, Divine Love, Reverence for ALL Life, and decisions and actions that perpetually reflect the highest good for ALL concerned.”

—Patricia Cota-Robles http://www.eraofpeace.org

It’s now up to you to decide for yourself. If you made it all the way through til the end, this message was meant FOR YOU.

Namaste 

Want more sacred TRUTH & fun smart mouth brutal honesty?

TAP FOLLOW!!

#JoinTheConsciousRevolution

My most recent BOOK HERE>>> Rise! To the occasion!

Click Link>>>View & purchase All BOOKS here!

11 ways we Birth the New Earth: 2020 edition

Ignorance & Bliss no longer exist: A message for addicts & everyone else Want more sacred TRUTH & fun, smart-mouth brutal honesty? TAP FOLLOW!! #JoinTheConsciousRevolution This message is for anyone it reaches.

[thepurpletapemix]

Joell Ortiz - Control

I ain't even gotta give this too much thought Joell Ortiz won every war that he ever fought This ain't no different, I'm listening, you the king of New York? Little homie you ain't the king of New York, you the next thing on my fork The messenger with all them rings on that horse Carrying king's heads til I kick you in your chest And you cough and fall into a bottomless pit Homie, you know how many bodies that fit When we met you said ''it's an honor, man, the YAOWA can spit'' Maybe that's why you left me out of that shit Maybe that's why the Slaughterhouse ain't get dissed Or maybe I'm not on your radar You feel you ain't gotta acknowledge my clique Either way, I personal train this beat, it gotta get ripped You rich rappers can't respond with all the dollars you get Gangsta rappers can't retaliate with hollows and clips And you fashion rappers wear the kind of jeans that hardly get zipped So zip it, I got this shit, real hip-hop in this bitch The apocalypse has fell upon us, watch the zombies I split The walking dead, I've been a monster, shorty, I can get bit And never turn, I'm immune to these rappers y'all calling sick I stomped the red carpet holding my dick And throw tomatoes at the podium for whack awards that y'all niggas get Then stand up and scream YAOWA then dip And smack a legend on the way out of that bitch Cause I don't big up the elite The elite can get it too, you all fit under my feet You all victims, all chitlins when a nigga trying to eat I'll see to it, y'all missing like a wino nigga teeth Anybody can get it Old nigga, new nigga, him nigga, you nigga One nigga, two niggas, a few niggas I do niggas harm with these bars It was brave, you took a chance like a Monopoly cards Put that telly you trying to check in, boy, that property's ours Can't get a W on Broadway, I'm New York all day Yeah, that's where the boss stay You no hear that oye? A hundred Ricans running at you chief like Okoye Last time in Compton I was kicking it with Jorge I rocked with some cons out west like the boy Ye But I don't claim king even though my name ring And I had China in the Bay, we call Beijing Rodeo to Daygo they telling you the same thing Chico be in Sacramento so much he can claim king But that's the west coast, I'm from this coast I'll leave the king of LA to Dre, I was this close To staying Aftermath, but lamped out like a Genie But Dre you a fucking gangster and Kirdis you're such a sweetie And guess what, I'm a free agent again if y'all ever need me But back to these bars, I'm hungry, this beat is gon' feed the needy Y'all looking like grannys ziti, zucchini out in Tahiti On Fiji with Erykah Badu's booty in a bikini (haaaa!) Your main chick is a Precious, my side chick is a RiRi I fuck her then take her out for fries and a panini I ain't a rap nigga, I'm a nigga that rap Before this -- y'all saw the cypher, I ain't bringing that back Why should I recycle bars when my mind is a flight to Mars? And the force that I come across was like rhyming inside a star With the Universe on my back, your human verses is wack I grab my extraterrestrial testicles when I rap And tell Earth suck it, tell the planet try it I turn this bitch into Independence Day without the lucky drunk pilot I love competition, constructing a composition Of destruction, putting Destructicons in the calm position I'm Optimus Prime trucking your boulevard, just wishin' That a star screams so I can go on a bombing mission You raised the bar high, I set the bar higher You gon' learn though, inferno scorch a bonfire

[marco-on-wheels]

Director’s Cut

This was for a Creative Vigilance uni class about breaking the fourth wall. This is actually the thing that eventually got me into Undertale, even though the story has nothing to do with it. But some of the people in the workshop said I should play Undertale as this story was apparently “Just like it”

There are parts of this Tumblr’s tried to turn into links, just ignore it, I don’t know what kind of drugs this damn website is on anymore.

It’s under a read more because i’m putting it here but it’s not actually snk-related, just fanfiction related

Director’s Cut

“Why do you always have to get me to carry out your little pissing contests with Jack?” The young adult folded his green, tumoured, arms over his chest. The two infected ‘zombies’ peered down over the ledge. Danny, the younger one, stood a little further back from the ledge while his companion spied through the branches of a tree just below them, which was growing up and outward from the little cliff. A slimy tongue slapped him. He rubbed the back of his head and coughed at the extra smoke the smack forced out of his boils, glaring at the other smoker.

“It’s not a pissing contest, I just can’t stand him.” The older smoker paused, leaning back against the tree branches and peering through the leaves. He grinned around his cigarette, the smoke from it mingling with his own green clouds. He hissed quietly over his shoulder. “Alright, Danny, when I say ‘now’ you lasso him.”

“You just don’t want your tongue clawed off this time.” Danny grumbled under his breath; however he still flicked his longest tongue out.

“Steady …steady-NOW!”

Fast as a whip, Danny shot his tongue down through the branches lassoing the hunter-type infected around the middle. He made sure to catch Jack’s arms.  If he was going to be dragged into this, he’d rather not have his tongue clawed short again.

Once constricted Jack let out a loud feral snarl from deep in his throat, similar to a wolf giving a warning. Although he couldn’t move much, he still squirmed and wiggled in an attempt to free himself. His claws were useless.

“Great! Now just keep holding him.” Smokes climbed down the ledge, using his own tongue to keep from slipping.

Danny rolled his single yellow eye, in the half of his face not covered with gas-filled tumours.

“Smokes! Get your fuckin’ slimy-ass tongue offa me!” Jack snarled in his Bronx, New York accent.

“Ain’t mine.”

“Quit usin’ da kid! Tech-a-nickally, he’s in my pack, ya chooch!”

“So what-”

BANG!

The tongue wrapped around Jack went limp, and an ominously large amount of green smoke was emitted from behind the tree.

Before he even hit the ground Jack started to climb up. “Kid – hey Kid! Uh, Dan, you ’ight?” At the top, Jack found Danny lying motionless by the tree. His smoke had already begun to dissipate. Though they were hidden in the shadow of his hoodie, Jack’s eyes widened as his mouth dropped. “Aw fuck, Kid...”

“Jack, what happened? You’re too quiet!” Smokes called from below.

Jack took a moment before calling back down “It’s da game. Someone’s playin’ again.” Jack’s growly voice caught a little. “I guess a playa saw Danny boy, and dey got scared…” That was all he needed to say.

Smokes didn’t respond at first, then he kicked the tree in frustration and swore under his breath.

It was then that Jack’s internal game programming started kicking in. As if a year of independent existence didn’t even count, he was just a mindless game antagonist again. He growled. “Before yours kicks in, go warn da others!” Keeping low to the ground, Jack crept on all fours in the direction his programming told him the survivors took.

Smokes could already feel it: a deep internal pull, nagging to go after the four playable survivors. He shook as he tried to pry himself away from the tree and to not simply climb it and follow Jack after the survivors.

With effort and mental strain, Smokes managed to wrench himself away from the tree. The survivors had moved far enough away.

Not waiting for the mental tug to return, Smokes turned and jogged down paths, the tap of stones and snap of cracking branches following his thudding feet as he made his way to the rest of Jack’s pack. Occasionally he stopped and wheezed, heavily regretting his life choice in becoming a ‘double’ smoker. Maybe he should at least quit the cigarettes.

Gasping for air, he powerwalked the rest of the way.

It felt like years before he finally made it to the small pool the other hunters stayed near.

The hunters were all doing different activities. Some were curled up sleeping in the grass like dogs and others were either drinking from the pool or trying to catch fish. Hank, the hunter Smokes was looking for, in his awful bright orange hoodie, was slashing at a tree, using it as a housecat uses a scratching post.

Smokes cringed. He didn’t want to have this talk. But he had to. Running a hand through his hair, Smokes approached the hunter.  “Hank, we need to talk. There’s been an … accident.”

The blond hunter turned his attention up to the taller infected. He’d been grinning, probably about to make some joke about Smokes having an accident. However, his amusement faded due to Smokes’s grim and apologetic expression.

“Whut hayappened?”

“It’s Danny. He – I was having him help me mess with Jack. It was going great at first – Ow!”

Hank had managed to snag the smoker’s tongue and had given it a tug before releasing it so the smoker could talk. “Ya’ll’re ramblin’! Spit it out, boy! Whut t’ hell hayappened ta Danny?”

“He’s dead.”

Hank fell silent before he shoved Smokes against the tree. “Whut did you dew!”

“I didn’t. Someone’s playing. Survivors returned.”

Hank’s hard stare lowered as he released Smokes. He backed away until he half sat-half fell, looking dazed at nothing in particular. “It’s beeyen so long. Ah thought they wasn’t gonna come bayack ’til Valve learnt how ta count ta three.”

Smokes hesitated. It was his grudge that did it. His rivalry with Jack had put Danny in the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe he didn’t have the right to console Danny’s partner. Eventually he moved forward to pat the hunter on the shoulder.

“How long?”

“Hm?” Smokes bent down to hear the usually loud hunter’s quiet question.

“How long ago did this hayappen?” Hank’s normally cheerful southern voice sounded hollow as he turned to look up at the smoker.

“Uh.” Smokes cast his gaze to the side while he thought. “It felt like ages, but it probably wasn’t that long ago. Why?”

Hank ignored the question. “Where wuz it?”

“Before the safe house. Halfway through the level.”

“So, the servahvers might jess’ still be in this here campaign, am ah right?”

“…Yeah,” Smokes replied slowly while eyeing Hank. “What are you planning?”

Hank pushed himself up. “So there’s a chance he’s still ’round here, too, am ah right?”

Understanding washed over Smokes’s face. “Hank, no. Not the Director! You know what he’s like. He even punishes the damn players when they don’t follow his little rules! He can spawn – and de-spawn – infected whenever he feels like it!”

“It’s steel worth a shot!"

Leaping away before Smokes was able to catch him, Hank disappeared into the trees.

Hank sprinted through the level, splashing through puddles, narrowly dodging around trees and the occasional wandering infected. He ran on all fours, using his mutated elongated claws to dig into the earth to propel himself further, faster with every leap added to the sprint.

It wasn’t long until the blond hunter started tripping over bodies of fallen infected as well as survivors. “Guess they had to respawn a few times themselves,” he muttered. “Gotta be close.”

One body was familiar. It was Jack. "Aw Boss... shit...I know Tim wanted t’ leadership, but not like this..."

All too soon he began to feel that tug to attack the survivors. Though, after what they did to Danny, it was only partly because of his programming.

"I need some help here! I can’t get out of here by myself!"

“Yeah, yeah Nick. Hold yer horses. Tarnation! Ahma comin’. Jeez Louise!”

Flinging himself under a bush and out of sight, Hank surveyed the area through the leaves, trying to spot the survivors. There they were, the same four asshole personas the game always used as survivors.

The one in a cap, with a southern drawl similar to his own, swung open an outhouse door to release the grumpy one in what probably had been a once white suit. The large guy and angry, tough-looking girl were close by, surveying the area.

Hank stayed low, digging his claws into dirt to keep from springing at them.

The tug grew stronger and stronger. Hank finally shut the eye that hadn’t been clawed out, silently hoping the survivors would hurry up and walk away.

As the need to attack only continued to grow, through the foggy haze of programming, it started to dawn on Hank that he was probably watching.

Hank clenched his fangs. ‘No, no. C’mon, fight it…’ He wasn’t focusing on the survivors and just concentrated on not running after them, when before he realized it, the desire to chase them passed. The four survivors were finally sashaying their way forward.  After another moment, he finally peered around. As he did, the outhouse door shut on its own, only to reopen to full darkness.

Prying his claws from the earth, Hank cautiously snuck to the outhouse. On the way he paused a couple times to search around, making sure the survivors weren’t coming back. His head was only just starting to clear.

As Hank approached the empty blackness, he peered inside. He could see nothing but he sensed the space was huge. After a few careful steps, the door slammed shut, forcing him to tumble the rest of the way in.

Hank shook his head, disorientated from the fall, when lights filled the room blinding him. He held a hand up to shield his eye and squinted ahead.

“You’re quite the persistent one,” droned an uninterested voice, the speaker hidden in the bright light. He sounded like a bored businessman with way too much power.

Letting his vision adjust, Hank kept a hand up. “You’re The Dee-rector, right?”

“Indeed. Not many disobey the rules enough for me to call them in here.” The game’s primary program folded his arms over his chest, leaning on a desk in front of many monitors that Hank only just realized were in the room. He’d never actually met The Director in ‘person’ before.

Hank finally dropped his hand from blocking the light and puffed up his chest in an attempt to look braver than he felt now that he was here. “Wayell gud. Ah wuz lookin’ fer yew.”

The Director blinked, slowly, indifferently. “Go on, Hank. I’m listening.”

Hank took a breath first. “Um. Earlier mah, mah …freyend Danny wuz shot ‘n’ keeld. Ah wants yew ta, well yes, respawn him – but not reset him.”

“No.”

Hank stared at The Director in stunned horror, unable to move.   “No! No, yew haff ta-”

The Director put a hand up, causing Hank to interrupt himself. “I don’t have to do anything. I run a little world here and I run it how I see fit.”

Hank swallowed the lump in his throat and refused to walk away. He clenched his fists. “No. Ah’m not leavin’ until yew restore Danny’s personality. Ah, Ah mean, after ya bring ’im bayack.” He spoke firmly, though there was clearly a tremble in his voice.

The Director raised an eyebrow. “Well I’ll give you this – you certainly don’t back down from something you want. But there’s actually a reason retaining memories is dangerous. Eventually this will spread and before long every infected will want to keep their memories. Then what? Nothing would happen when the players show up as survivors. The infected would have their own lives to live rather than keeping to the program. Eventually this world will go inactive. If it goes inactive for too long,  I go inactive. If that happens, you and all the others cease to exist. That’s not a threat. That’s just how things would happen. It would be out of even my control.”

Hank’s eye widened and his mouth went dry. He couldn’t respond. All he could think was that if Danny was there ‘he’d be smart enough to think of just the right words, just the right tone. He’d know how to counter that.’

“Ah, but – what ee-if-”

The Director glided forward and began ushering Hank out. “You’ll move on. If it helps I’ll erase your memories of Danny so you won’t have to miss him.”

Hank scraped his claws along the tiled floor as the Director shoved him to the door. “Wait!” Once he was outside, Hank bent back and caught the door with his claws. He dug them in, trying to keep it from closing while looking back, upside-down, at a very unimpressed Director. “Wait. Whut-whut about a … deal?”

Rubbing his temple, the Director reached down, grabbing Hank by the hood of his hoodie. He ripped Hank loose from the door, but rather than tossing him outside, he dropped him on the floor instead. “I’m not agreeing – but I do like a good deal.”

“Ohhkay. Okay, th’ deal: yew bring Danny bayack, his mem’ries and all, but do ee-it  just fer our li’l group a guys, and only fer, like, a  week or so, ta see if it works. Like, we’d have no goldurn problem ’bout attacking them there servahvers, if ain’t none of us could die! Now then, ah see yer point, iffen we start jess keepin’ away  frum them goldurn servahvers, then, wayell, yer right, we’d haff ta go back ta th’ way eeit’s always beeyen. BUT, iffen we kin stick to yer program, and fight th’ li’l basturds frum time ta time, then maybe jess chaynge eeit ta lettin’ us keep our mem’ries?” Hank spoke loud and fast, having to catch his breath after.

The Director didn’t reply right away, rubbing his chin with a finger, eyeing Hank up and down while he thought. Without warning he grabbed Hank’s hand, tight. “Fine. You have yourself a deal. But let me add something: If it doesn’t work out, you will be the only one to live with your memories. Alone.” His lips curled upwards. “That’s our deal.”

Hank swallowed hard.

With that The Director released Hank and glided back to his desk. He tapped a few keys on the keyboard before turning back to Hank. “You better get going. You have one week to change my mind about wiping memories with each respawn.”

Hank all but flew from the room.

He soon collided with a familiar smoker, the force knocking them both down.

“Ouch… Hank?”

“DANNY!” Pushing himself up, Hank launched at the smoker, holding him close. “Are ya ok?”

Danny propped himself up on an arm. “Head kind of hurts but otherwise I’m ok. Something happen?”

Hank huffed, climbing to his feet and pulling Danny up too. “Layet’s head back. Ah’ll fill ya eein on th’ way.”

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: You about? Janis: Here all week, like Janis: what's up? Jimmy: put the 🎤 down, I've got a different gig for you Jimmy: less funny but still a pisstake Janis: How well does it pay/will I still be the headliner Janis: dealbreakers, boy Jimmy: That's two questions that have nowt to do with each other Jimmy: you don't need the 💰💰 like you need the limelight, rich girl Janis: Oh, just call me an attention whore, that'll seal the deal 🙄 Janis: I'm just filling space where your question ain't yet Jimmy: what should is how 💕😍 I'll be all over socials Jimmy: slag for heroic acts, me Janis: What an offer 😏 Janis: Go on then, how am I saving your life today Jimmy: you're saving my 🐕 Jimmy: if you can Janis: It down a well? Janis: wrong way 'round, that Jimmy: Would I need your help if I knew where it'd pissed off to? Janis: I don't know, give me some details to work with Janis: when did you notice, how'd it get out, etc Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: just come here and help me look Janis: Where are you then Janis: Jesus Jimmy: I know you can't multitask, how do you reckon you're gonna 🙏 and 🏃? Jimmy: [sends her his location which would random af cos stubborn enough to be looking for ages before he asked for her help obvs] Janis: That's my whole life, dickhead Janis: alright, don't know what your dog would be doing there but I'll be there asap Jimmy: write the book on your own time, mate Jimmy: give it a cameo if you find it Janis: Sweet, you gonna draw the pictures? Jimmy: How well's that pay? Janis: Depends how cute you draw the 🐕 Jimmy: [sends her a deliberately crap quick doodle] Jimmy: there you are Janis: Bestseller, like Janis: so much 💰💰 Jimmy: I never said I'd write it for you an' all Janis: yeah well your grasp on the English language ain't all that so Janis: thank fuck Jimmy: you gonna write it in 🍀? Thank feck I won't be able to read a word Jimmy: can only fake so much enthusiasm Janis: Yeah, you aren't great at that either Janis: but let's not focus on your many, many faults Jimmy: Stop flirting with me, I'm busy Janis: Shut up Janis: What can I do but annoy you 'til I get there Jimmy: Have a look at what you just wrote Jimmy: you might do step 1 Janis: Charming Janis: I've been great, tah Jimmy: if it makes you feel better, we can pretend the 🐕 legged it with my 👑 Janis: What actually happened, toad Janis: unlocked gate or not coming back on a walk Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Janis: reckon I might get some convo there? Janis: 👍 for the tip Jimmy: next one'll be 💰 Jimmy: it were there, he threw a strop and chucked it out, now it ain't Janis: Bummer Janis: we'll find it, probably Janis: got a collar or any shit like that? Jimmy: [sends a picture of him holding it like 😒 cos Twix wasn't wearing it, thanks Ian you dick] Janis: 👎 Jimmy: well helpful, you Janis: I'm on my way, dickhead Janis: I can't summon the thing with my mind, soz, I know you think I'm special Jimmy: meant to be #suchanathlete Jimmy: get a move on, dickhead Janis: You know I live in the middle of nowhere Janis: give me 5, at least Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: You thought I'd moved, yeah Janis: no such 🍀 Jimmy: keep 🙏 for that fake ldr Janis: not having to be 👀 with you would be such a bonus Janis: conference call that shit in Jimmy: not having to kiss you would be massively beneficial to me Jimmy: can't afford to lose any more body parts Janis: we'll find your dog and your ear, stop complaining Jimmy: 💕 Janis: personally, I think you look better without it Jimmy: you've got shit taste Janis: That's you, we've covered that Jimmy: you Janis: 🙄 Janis: take the 🥇 Jimmy: you earned it Janis: oh please Janis: you've run the gauntlet of shit taste olympics Jimmy: don't need to beg for owt, just take it, babe Jimmy: it's alright Janis: be quiet and keep looking Jimmy: been looking for ages Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: 😕 Jimmy: actually 💔 Janis: Your brother and sister helping you? Jimmy: That a dealbreaker an' all? Janis: Nah, just wondering Jimmy: if we can't find the 🐕 then I'll tell 'em Janis: No sense in upsetting 'em if you don't need to, yeah Jimmy: my dad don't need another knobhead 🏆 Jimmy: gonna have enough shit to pack up when we leave Janis: Right Janis: not really coming to protect your da though Janis: dogs cute though so Jimmy: I weren't gonna @ him that you 💕 him Jimmy: bit rude to Mr Lucas Janis: let's not pretend you're doing it on mine or his account though Janis: just don't want me to move in Jimmy: not as my step-mum Jimmy: it might be popular on other sites but it ain't likely to be #goals with our demographic Janis: The lads would like it but they're less vocal with their 💕 Jimmy: more about the body language Jimmy: one bit specifically Janis: doesn't translate well with insta likes and comments Janis: less you can get 'em with an accidental doubletap but their gfs are all over that shit Jimmy: got enough hysterical lasses in my DMs, tah Janis: the struggle is so real Janis: poor you, like Jimmy: [sends her a highlight reel cos imagine tbh] Janis: Do you reckon they ever reread what they write or just send Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: I reckon Bill's turning in his ⚰ Janis: romance is dead, mate Janis: 🥀 Jimmy: re-read and don't hit send, my dear Jimmy: we're trying to avoid 💔😭 for now Janis: 'course Janis: I didn't say dog Janis: optimistic, me Jimmy: won't have to chuck in a box if it is though Janis: don't be morbid Janis: only so much I can take after reading those messages Janis: feeling well 💀 Jimmy: You'll live Jimmy: I'm out of 🚬 so there's nowt but fresh air Janis: That's truly the most devastating thing you've ever said to me Janis: I can get some though Jimmy: You heard me say I've been 👀 for ages Janis: Poor stressed boy Jimmy: Don't take the piss Jimmy: I am Jimmy: I've got work in a bit Janis: 'course you are, your dog is missing Janis: I'm not far from you now so once I get the cigs and get there, I'll take over Jimmy: 👍 Janis: been looking on those cringey neighbourhood sites, if some do-gooder had got it or it'd been hit, it'd be on there and it ain't so that's something, yeah Jimmy: Tah Janis: no big Janis: I'm not a monster Jimmy: if I keep waking you this early, fuck knows what you'll end up looking like Janis: Funny Janis: I weren't asleep anyway, you're alright Jimmy: I get it, gotta stay 💪🏆 Janis: Vampires don't sleep, baby Jimmy: do in the day Jimmy: I should be tucking you in, instead of dragging you out Janis: Add it to your list of failings and crack on Jimmy: ✔ Janis: you smoke [brand] right? Jimmy: #whenshenoticestheshityoucareabout Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: 😂 Janis: Call it your defining feature Janis: along with the 😎 obvs Jimmy: duh Jimmy: nowt else going for me when this new boy shine wears through Janis: keep 🙏 for the day, like Jimmy: *🤞 Jimmy: me and JC don't know each other like that Janis: You don't know him, but he knows you Janis: not unlike your fans Jimmy: There's only room for one fit and mysterious lad round here so he'll have to do one back to the ☁ Janis: Hate the attention, you, well obvious 😏 Jimmy: I get it whether I want it or not Janis: They do Jesus dirty in the paintings Janis: can't compete with a selfie Jimmy: He knows what to do if he's fuming Janis: can't wait for the second coming when he fucks you right up Jimmy: #cancelled Jimmy: me either, sounds like a right laugh Janis: Miss me when I'm saved and you ain't Janis: how starcrossed ldr me from hell, bitch Jimmy: Suicide's a sin, baby, ain't you heard? Janis: so is most stuff, honestly Janis: but I'm 😇 looking Janis: gonna want me around Jimmy: no dickhead's hotter than 😈 don't you wanna be around him? Janis: 🙄 my type, yeah Jimmy: Do you want an answer for that? Janis: The devil loses in the end, you know Janis: back the winner Jimmy: love an underdog, me Jimmy: I get why you don't, rich girl Jimmy: probably get a ����☁ really kick that horse girl fantasy up a notch Janis: Animals don't have souls Janis: Catholic fun 101 Janis: gotta find your dog otherwise it's bad news all 'round Jimmy: 💔🐕⚰🎻☔ Janis: Cheery Janis: know you hate your job but plaster your customer service face on for me Jimmy: you inspired me with your little sermon there, like Janis: you deserved it, like Jimmy: For what? Janis: For implying I'd fuck the devil Jimmy: I never said owt of the sort Jimmy: just asking if you're off lads now 'cause of the one dickhead Janis: I don't think you can say all men are going to hell Janis: thought Asia would be 😍 for that sweeping statement Jimmy: I'll screenshot it for her Janis: 💘 Janis: cute Jimmy: where the fuck are you? Janis: ⛪ Janis: gotta go confess now, thanks a lot Janis: [sends actual location as she's coming up though like calm down] Jimmy: if you could rush it through 🤏 please Jimmy: I dunno, maybe pretend there's a character limit Janis: soz the priest is well invested in hearing all about me fucking the devil Jimmy: can't stop being goals, you Jimmy: come hell or high water Jimmy: tell him to put his 👅 and owt else back in Janis: Lord knows I may as well become a nun according to you Janis: get that good book and that good dick Jimmy: Oi I never said you should, I asked if you were Janis: Not really got the time, have I Jimmy: You've got all night 🧛 girl Jimmy: for a start Janis: When we're not fake out, sure Jimmy: I don't outstay my welcome at parties, that's the other dickhead Janis: This is all irrelevant Janis: and he can turn water into wine, he's never not welcome, boy Jimmy: I didn't mean him Janis: Now you're making it sound like I hooked up with Voldemort Jimmy: I dunno his name or @ do I? Janis: Ha, Harry, actually Jimmy: I never said I wanted to know it, but tah Janis: just trying to avoid Jesus related mixups, don't think he needs the ego boost if I'm honest Jimmy: 👌 Janis: This is you though, yeah Janis: hate to approach the wrong dickhead Janis: [waving like yo] Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: Don't have a bottle of wine in my pocket that were water, soz, just that conditioned to be fake happy to see you Janis: [does 💔 hands 'right, show me where you usually walk her, the route, then you can fuck off whenever you need to'] Jimmy: [walking like a rude hoe not even gonna say hey or anything okay then] Janis: [just shrugging like okay then but purposefully keeping up pace so he can't march ahead] Jimmy: [we strutting in stressed silence] Janis: [on phone, but making a socials post like if you see this dog, 'cos Cass ain't gonna see it on hers so doesn't matter and could help] Jimmy: [nodding at her like thanks when he sees it] Janis: [shrugs again like nbd] Jimmy: [keep going lads that poor baby dog needs you] Janis: [hit all them doggy hotspots like the park etc] Jimmy: [I hope she's found a 🐕 friend or something so she's not all alone and forlorn] Janis: [my boo is #concerned] Jimmy: [I am, she's just a smol baby and they haven't trained her or anything] Janis: [least we aren't being too evil] Jimmy: [I could NEVER] Janis: [asking relevant Twix questions 'cos you care but also to have some convo] Jimmy: [acting like you don't know cos you hate that dog so much #lies] Janis: [lowkey like why am i looking then boy but just via looks not actually gonna say it] Jimmy: [basically being like don't then as if you haven't asked for her help with exactly this] Janis: [walks ahead like I'll keep doing this but we don't need to do this] Jimmy: [keeps up because doesn't wanna be his moody af father] Janis: [looks at him like alright?] Jimmy: [just looking back her because no but god forbid you talk about it ever] Janis: [makes face like yeah, I know and goes in her pocket 'nearly forgot' and hands him the cigarettes] Jimmy: [we know the drill by now, ladies first without even asking which works as a lowkey sorry for being a prick rn too so] Janis: ['cheers'] Jimmy: [the most dramatic exhale of smoke/sigh but not deliberately dramatic just how he's feeling rn cos he's running out of places to look like Twix where you at babe] Janis: [gently nudges his side with her shoulder like it'll be okay but not saying that 'cos can't promise it so, running ahead when you see a dog walker to ask if they've seen any dogs on their own] Jimmy: ? Janis: [jogging back over but not coming fully, like you gotta follow me 'she reckons there was a dog that didn't seem to be with anyone in [a park but not Twix's usual lol]'] Jimmy: [does follow her even though he probably doesn't know where that even is because literally me and could get lost anywhere] Janis: [now gotta search every bush in this park like hellooo] Jimmy: [gotta call her name like that's not lowkey awks for someone so 😎] Jimmy: [also I know this is serious business but 100% needs to push her into a bush like my mum did to me/ jump out from behind one just because] Janis: [we all know you're not cool but yeah, some pet names are really awks if you have to shout them lmao, also yes, even if you jump way more than you normally would 'cos tense situ and then you're 😒] Jimmy: [loling too much because it's one of those days and you gotta but not gonna help her 😒 face you'll have to get your own back gal] Janis: [just handing him some dog luring food she got and jogging off like I'll go this way] Jimmy: [she should get her because start of a beautiful friendship] Janis: [I vibe, I'll see if I have a pic of them were she looks buzzing/smug enough lol] Jimmy: [when you hug the bae because you're so relieved that the kids won't kick off or your dad or your manager cos you won't be late now but also because she stayed and actually helped you and like who does that ever] Janis: [Twix like lemme get in on that 'cos full of love] Jimmy: [shoutout to the mvp she is for stopping that becoming too much of a moment] Janis: [and being awkward or anything like that god bless 'see, all alright, yeah'] Jimmy: [when he's probably holding this dog cos 1. don't run off again and 2. she's hyper af and needs to be licking his face and snuggling him so he's 😒 and a look like is it though but we know you love Twix really] Janis: [lols 'she knows you missed her, like, you can't hide it'] Jimmy: [lowkey throws the dog at her with a piss off kinda look] Janis: [gives Twix some love and a 🙄 at him but not harsh] Jimmy: [does it back because always] Janis: ['no excuse to skive off work now though' face like gutted] Jimmy: ['you could've offered to phone in fake sick for me, bit rude' cos throwforward to when we actually did that haha] Janis: ['if they let their barista boys have time off for every new girl, they'd go out of business' shoutout to your hot colleagues the flat whites sexually harass] Jimmy: [oh pete I love you my darling but meanwhile Jimmy is just shrugging cos wouldn't care if the CG did tbh] Janis: [punching, there should be another word for that 'cos sounds so violent I just mean a friendly tap like, his arm, 'come on, I need the limelight, you need the paycheck'] Jimmy: ['you coming in for a latte then?' we 👀 you shamelessly wanting to spend time with her boy, deliberately saying latte because she would NEVER] Janis: [scoffs in DISGUST honey 'not your real girlfriend, boy, though with the heartbreak she's probably just necking double espressos, right?'] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: [shakes head 'drumming up business and a bae, so evil, you are' as if you didn't send the message lol] Jimmy: ['You did the evil deed, Judith, square that one with your priest an' all'] Janis: ['or, did I do you all a favour, think on that'] Jimmy: [shakes his head like you've only done me this one favour rn ever] Janis: ['that's alright, no need for a thank you card'] Jimmy: [writes leave it out in the air with a flourish] Janis: [😏 'when's your shift then and what are you gonna do with the dog?'] Jimmy: [does her trick of checking an imaginary watch 'might chuck an apron on her and give her a go with the steam wand' but we know he's really gonna nip home first so Twix can snuggle with the kids cos had an exciting morning and she just a baby] Janis: ['you really gonna give employee of the month away just like that' does loser sign then looks around like hmm, 'cos you in town now, what are you gonna do, ensue awks] Jimmy: ['Reckon I'm safe, it'll be all them espressos if nowt else' just lowkey drags her along with him, bit rude] Janis: [just like umm excuse me but doesn't not come along like] Jimmy: [looks at her and the dog and back like she's not home yet, the job's not done 'won't get fake girlfriend of the month by taking the piss'] Janis: [dramatic gasping like oh no 'I'm the only fake girlfriend you have, babe, 'less it's your ultimate #kinkunlocked'] Jimmy: [dramatic gasp back like he's been busted] Janis: ['it's alright, already knew you were a pervert' accidental LOOK] Jimmy: ['before you agreed or after?' and a LOOK back of course] Janis: ['that'd be telling'] Jimmy: ['So go on'] Janis: [shakes head 'who knew or knows anything about you, mystery boy?'] Jimmy: [winks at Twix as if she knows all his secrets] Janis: ['nerd' but we all know she thinks it's cute] Jimmy: ['Oi, you barely know her' cos he is a nerd] Janis: [gives her more fuss 'the bitch is cool'] Jimmy: ['steady on, she won't fit through the door'] Janis: 'but if we can wedge her in, she won't be able to get back out' taps head like tada 'you just hate when anyone else gets compliments'] Jimmy: ['Busted again, me. You're proper on one this morning, mate'] Janis: ['always am, you're just in a good mood 'cos your bestie is back'] Jimmy: [snorts like if you say so] Janis: ['ignore him, he's a right moody dickhead most the time' @Twix] Jimmy: ['ignore her, right comedian so she reckons, might get the hint one of these days' also @ twix] Janis: ['She knows who saved her, mate, team me all the way'] Jimmy: ['go on and take her home with you, hate to break both your hearts, obvs'] Janis: ['hate to break your little brother's though'] Jimmy: ['my sister would fight you for her any road, a black eye ain't gonna be goals like the bruises I give you'] Janis: [lols 'there we go then, shoulda kept that to yourself if you were tryna get me sparked out'] Jimmy: [gives her a OTT scandalised look like why would I do that 'if it ain't #goals it ain't a goal of mine, Jules'] Janis: [a look like yeah right] Jimmy: ['if you wanna have a scrap, crack on with pulling Asia's hair or something'] Janis: [🙄 'bitch fight ain't my scene, even faking it, soz to the punters who'd love it'] Jimmy: [the heartbroken hand mime again] Janis: ['such a boy' looking at Twix like can you believe him?] Jimmy: [looks down at himself like he's so shook cos biggest nerd] Janis: ['not a compliment, Pinocchio'] Jimmy: ['isn't it?'] Janis: ['I knew you were a boy, you can have that if you're short on love'] Jimmy: ['bit busy @ing my dad about how much of a lad you reckon I am, hang on'] Janis: [😏] Jimmy: [lights another 🚬 cos 1. it's been a minute 2. such a lad 3.😎] Janis: #ladsladslads Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: such a flirt, you Janis: just so manly, bears repeating, obvs Jimmy: [nudges her like go on then tell the fans] Jimmy: gonna make me 😳 if you keep on Janis: Let me know if you've got it in you and I'll add it 'fore I hit send, like Jimmy: let me know if you've got it in you, more like Janis: You reckon I can't make you blush? Jimmy: do you reckon you can? Jimmy: that's the question Janis: Obviously I can Jimmy: What are you waiting for, a written invitation? Janis: Shut up Janis: I'm busy over here Jimmy: you're chatting bollocks over there Janis: The world needs to know the 🐶 is alive and well and you're such a #lad if you don't mind Jimmy: convenient timing that Janis: only a performing monkey when there's a crowd, you know that Jimmy: [a look like yeah right] Janis: [kicking his ankles like shh and not looking at him] Janis: you still owe me a good idea anyway Jimmy: I said blush not bleed, babe Janis: know what I prefer Jimmy: #kinkunlocked ages ago 🧛 girl Janis: then be nice and give me what I want Jimmy: [gives her a look like what do you want] Janis: [the 'you know' coming out before you can even think to stop yourself, then shaking your head and pointing at your fangs with a smirk like duh] Jimmy: [sets his phone camera on a timer like this is how long you've got to try and make me 😳 or bleed and gestures her over to a bench like] Janis: [doing a big sigh as if you're all ugh but really it's 'cos you're nervous but shh, once he's sat down, sitting in his lap of course but making a point of seeing if you're in-frame so we've got the pretense for how real you're shamelessly gonna be, looking at him properly 'Jimmy, I missed you'] Jimmy: [saying her name back because the only other time he has was when he was annoyed and that is simply not allowed thank you and hitting her with the 😍 #tooreal] Janis: [shuffling closer to him into his lap somehow when he says your name and smoothing his hair off his face with both hands then letting them come to rest on his shoulders, giving them a little massage 'I mean it' #whenthecameraisrollingandyouvebeenchallenegedsoyoucansaythisisallpretendifyouhaveto #adangerousgame] Jimmy: [so into it and would be even if he hadn't had the most stressful morning ever but because he has and because we can say it's fake SUCH A SOUND 'I know, I can tell' #boywhyhaveyoustartedsomethingyouliterallyhaveworktogotosoon] Janis: ['Can you tell just how bad though?' when moving closer has turned into grinding on him shamelessly] Jimmy: [a nod because speaking is dangerous rn fake or real] Janis: ['what else do you wanna know?'] Jimmy: ['What else do you want me to know?'] Janis: [tilting your head to one side like you're thinking, still rubbing his shoulders 'depends'] Jimmy: [his eyes closing because it feels nice which is not the word tbh 'on what?' because I have to ask] Janis: [little kisses on his eyelids then whispering in his ear 'if you're ready to know it all'] Jimmy: [have to kiss her to keep it vague and save our lives because is that a this is how ready I am or is it I'm kissing you so I don't have to answer] Janis: [either way, a kiss moment honey] Jimmy: [like we know the answer lads but we can't out Jimothy that hard right here right now so gotta keep you guessing babe] Janis: [finally breaking off the kiss, so reluctantly, 'Did you blush?'] Jimmy: [gives her his phone so she can look because shamelessly buying himself some recovery time after that] Janis: [not getting off him, just resting your head on his chest whilst you watch this back like comfy are we] Jimmy: [just playing with her hair like you're trying to fix whatever mess you made of it during that kiss, we see your flimsy excuse boy cos you're not being that soft about it rn] Janis: [making a noise like did you have to or can you legitimately not help it rn] Jimmy: [if he wasn't blushing before he is now thank god she's looking at this phone] Janis: ['that was definitely a blush there' pointing at some point in that recording like see, looking up at him 'you look cute'] Jimmy: ['you're taking the piss' because works for both things she said and he's a boy of few words] Janis: [shakes head like nu-uh] Jimmy: [pokes her like yeah you are] Janis: [boops his nose like no I'm not] Jimmy: [still has his hand on her waist after poking her so tickles her of course] Janis: ['don't drop me' so dramatically] Jimmy: [fakes like he is gonna drop her which makes twix cray] Janis: [just a look like see? she loves me] Jimmy: [such a dramatic sigh like ugh he's so over you both #lies] Janis: ['be nice'] Jimmy: ['or what?'] Janis: [raising a brow 'you're ready to find that out, yeah?'] Jimmy: [raises his own back at her 'why wouldn't I be? The scaredy cat's you'] Janis: [puts a finger to his lips dramatically like shh and nods to Twix 'she'll hear you'] Jimmy: [irl 👍 because good I hope she do] Janis: ['you're so jealous of our love, honestly'] Jimmy: ['bit busy with my own, she's a handful, like' oh Asia god bless] Janis: ['yeah I've heard about her cup size, thanks' 🙄] Jimmy: [lil lol] Janis: [finally getting off him like hmpf on the low] Jimmy: ['you've got nowt to be jealous of' is he being real or fake we'll never know] Janis: ['duh' and getting up up 'better get this dog back or you'll be late'] Jimmy: [literally has never wanted to go to work less in his life but come on lads] Janis: [we just walking along merrily like that didn't happen] Jimmy: [#socasual] Janis: [so casual nbd we're all friends here, is gonna need a 🚬 though but never asking just accosting him like 'scuse me] Jimmy: [do something else with your hands and mouths kids, cos you know he has to have one too even though he's had so many today already] Janis: [oh Twix, you rascally babe] Jimmy: [it's all Ian's fault as per] Janis: [at least something good came of it but not getting the credit for that] Jimmy: ['gonna have to get her chipped' thinking out loud cos you know Ian hasn't sorted that or wants the expense] Janis: [nods 'don't take a second, like'] Jimmy: [a look like that's good cos when do I have a sec but then shrugs cos gonna be so unbothered] Janis: [shrugs back 'might be just as easy to look at your fence sitch for puppy-sized holes'] Jimmy: ['I get it, I'm SUCH a lad, no need to go overboard' 😏] Janis: [shakes head 😏 'alright, get your sister to if you can't deal'] Jimmy: ['volunteering to wake her up and tell her to crack on, are you?' 😏 'Tah, babe, willing to go proper above and beyond, you'] Janis: [noise like psh no thank you lol 'way above my paygrade, ask Asia, I'd happily watch that'] Jimmy: [such a lol] Janis: [actual smile] Jimmy: [control your 😍 boy by nodding at the dog 'reckon you've done enough for a bit' cos genuinely is grateful we know] Janis: [forget about it gesture 'favour for the dog, really'] Jimmy: ['probably would've been kinda to let her find a new bunch of dickheads' when you're joking but you're also actually not] Jimmy: [*kinder] Janis: ['now you tell me' but nudges him like come on, you ain't that bad] Jimmy: [nudges her back 'yeah 'cause I missed you an' all' is he being fake about needing to see her so bad #theanswerisno] Janis: [looks at Twix like ?! 'is this even your dog?' 😏] Jimmy: ['Nah' cos lbr he's too 😎 for a dog like this thanks for that Ian] Janis: ['OMG, you're like soulmates' 🖤 hands] Jimmy: [gives her a look cos she said Twix was her true love and he was jealous before, like make your mind up] Janis: ['that's why you're jealous' points at Twix 'player'] Jimmy: ['you wish, dickhead'] Janis: [a look like obvs, dickhead] Jimmy: [blows a smoke ring at her in a sassy manner like there's your 💍] Janis: [waves it away 'show-off'] Jimmy: ['first place or nowt, baby'] Janis: ['have to show me how to do it sometime, like'] Jimmy: ['I'll edit it to look like you got the knack first time, keep shit goals'] Janis: [😒 'be a better teacher then, wanker'] Jimmy: ['I've already got owt else that Mr Lucas could possibly want, be cruel that'] Janis: ['cept my heart, but shh'] Jimmy: ['far as he knows I have'] Janis: ['he all up on the socials, you reckon?' face like ew] Jimmy: ['first in, last out' and a dramatic shiver like GROSS] Janis: ['least he won't dob us in if he wants more of that sweet, sweet #content' irl equivalent of 🤢] Jimmy: [sighs like our work's never done 'UGH, we'll just have to find another way to get in trouble at school' and a LOOK] Janis: [a LOOK back 'basically my specialty'] Jimmy: ['don't sound like you that' because she's so 😇 obvs] Janis: ['wait and see' 'cos you only did that one project together then school trip] Jimmy: ['Alright' when you're agreeing to still be doing this after the holidays unthinkingly there] Janis: [probably get to his house, assumedly the first time] Jimmy: [go throw Twix in with those snoozy kids and get ready for work quickly sir] Janis: [jus' chillin' like why am I still here lowkey] Jimmy: put the kettle on, rich girl Jimmy: [draws her a doodle of one like she's never seen one because got staff] Janis: 😱 Janis: don't know how you take your tea Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: you better leave Janis: this fake relationship just proved too fake Jimmy: we're over, off you go Janis: would you rather I guess and give you a shit cup Janis: come on Jimmy: might do Jimmy: but if you ain't up for the challenge Janis: You're ridiculous Janis: but fine Jimmy: #mayberidiculouswillbeouralways Janis: 💕 Jimmy: [did I fever dream that they take their tea the same way which was milk and two sugars? because I'm sure we said that in another convo but idk] Janis: [I also remember that and is how she's gonna make it so get ready to FALL IN LOVE BOY] Jimmy: [he's not gonna be able to control the 😍] Janis: would sir like his tea upstairs or down? Jimmy: [appears like the 👻 he is looking like a snack in his barista uniform which realistically she might not have seen before this] Janis: [when he actually looks good so you have to be OTT fake about it] Jimmy: [when you try the tea and you're like!!! so you have to be all like 'Oi' and call her a cheat] Janis: ['how could I, you got it written down somewhere in case you forget?' lols] Jimmy: [do the I'm watching you thing @ her all 😒] Janis: ['you just take your tea the only correct way, doesn't mean we're fated, calm down'] Jimmy: ['keep that to yourself' drinking that excellent tea] Janis: [🤐] Jimmy: [unzips her like but drink your tea] Janis: ['nerd' but does, of course] Jimmy: [holds his finger up like when you have an aha moment and starts looking in her mouth like a dentist in the manner of oh while it's unzipped lemme just] Janis: ['gross!' moving away so faux offended 'what are you doing, weirdo?'] Jimmy: ['lost an earring, gotta check you ain't swallowed it, girl' such a nerd goodbye] Janis: ['vampire, not a thief' look like how dare you] Jimmy: [' still stole my heart though' cos gotta be OTT fake sometimes] Janis: [finger guns at his chest] Jimmy: [gun at his head and death again] Janis: ['hot'] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: 'who's on shift today?' like she knows] Jimmy: [shrugs because could not care less] Janis: [tuts but 😏] Jimmy: [gestures like come on let's go find out] Janis: [shrugs like okay 'I've got a few to kill'] Jimmy: [nods to the imaginary watch cos it's unspoken acknowledgement that the flat whites won't be there that early and she can leave before they are] Janis: ['heaven forbid they leave the house before applying 50 layers of foundation, shit is time-consuming'] Jimmy: [so triggered thinking about his northern ex rn like the horrified facial expression would be so genuine] Janis: [nod of approval 'good acting'] Jimmy: [does the polishing his medal he's wearing mime] Janis: [when it's your nametag 'who the fuck is Jamie?'] Jimmy: ['you ain't met him? honestly gutted for you'] Janis: ['will he be on shift today?' skipping like you're so buzzing at the prospect] Jimmy: ['wait and see' cos word theft] Janis: ['ugh, tease'] Jimmy: ['Not trying to turn you on, calm down'] Janis: ['Jamie might be' shrug like don't count me out yet tah] Jimmy: [shrugs back 'he's a starving artist, owt for tips'] Janis: ['fuck you' 😒] Jimmy: ['fuck him, being right dickhead makes him your type'] Janis: ['good' like I intend to, oh honey lol] Jimmy: 'good' boy how you gonna be jealous of someone who doesn't exist] Janis: [when it's literally you lmao] Jimmy: [also he so hasn't posted that bench moment let it be known] Janis: [that's for the best literally no one has asked for that content] Jimmy: [haven't deleted it though have you my dear 👀 you] Janis: [we all know that was shameless so we're not thinking or talking about it ladeeda] Jimmy: [get into work boy, get busy cos we know you're thinking about fuck all else] Janis: [chilling not at all casually at a table] Jimmy: [make her that first ever 💣 smoothie please and thank] Janis: that your specialty? Jimmy: what? Janis: smoothies and juices and shit Jimmy: @CG_FAQ or whatever it is Janis: I get it, you're very busy Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: [serves some business person trying to get a coffee but is looking at her like 🙄😏] Janis: [💔 hands and shamelessly having a nose at his co-workers] Jimmy: [Pete is 100% there, hey babe] Jimmy: So? Go on then Janis: ? Jimmy: Do you like it? Janis: I didn't ask if it were your specialty to take the piss, like Janis: s'good Jimmy: I'll @ my manager Janis: I can do it for you Janis: seems appropraitely fake girlfriend of me Jimmy: I get it, it would be goals to get sacked for having a scrap with him when he's 😍 for you Jimmy: 🥇 plan Janis: I'm not getting you sacked Janis: how many IOUs would that warrant, like, no thanks Jimmy: you're meant to want to spend every second of every day with me, play the game, Janet Jimmy: what kind of fake girlfriend Janis: fine Janis: just 🤞 he's the hot one Janis: [going to chat to Pete] Jimmy: he ain't here, wouldn't have to @ him if he were Jimmy: the accent ain't that hard to understand Janis: oh well, now he'll pass that along for you Jimmy: Tah Janis: [sits back down like you're welcome] Jimmy: you hungry? Janis: I could eat Jimmy: [gets her whatever sucks the least] Janis: Tah Janis: 👍 Jimmy: Steady on, nowt on the menu's 👍 Janis: that was for you Janis: if I go up to the tip jar now I'll just look keen Jimmy: 💕 Janis: is that for me? Jimmy: Do you see any of my other girlfriends about? Janis: [does fake check] Janis: thankfully not Jimmy: there's your answer Janis: so special Jimmy: you're alright Janis: 😂 Jimmy: I mean it Janis: Alright then Janis: you too Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: I don't want your tacked on you an' all Janis: well I mean it too Janis: I can't say it 'cos you got in there first, psh Jimmy: 💪🏆 Jimmy: dry your eyes and eat your food, mate Janis: alright, dad Janis: focus on one job at a time Jimmy: edit that nickname a bit and you're good to # Janis: we're not fake there yet Jimmy: 💔 Janis: Sorry Janis: know you're the right age but that's about it Jimmy: RUDE Janis: Shh Jimmy: I will not Jimmy: and there's nowt you can do about it Janis: 🙄 Janis: don't you hate a chatty barista Jimmy: I ain't serving you Jimmy: already have done Janis: yeah, some daddy 😏 Jimmy: funny Janis: you've got my best work for the day Janis: 'til I workout anyway Jimmy: lucky me Janis: don't be rude Janis: saved your life Jimmy: you started it Janis: If you want me to call you that, put it in a contract and get me to sign Janis: that's not rude Jimmy: twist your own arm and 🖋🩸 your own oath, bit busy here Janis: Very impressed Jimmy: admitting how easily you are ain't very 🥇 Jimmy: you might wanna 🤐 Janis: Not got time for sarcasm either? Janis: 👌 Jimmy: When have I ever had time for your pisstaking? Janis: awh 😭 Jimmy: enjoy the 🎻🎻 I left you both your 👂s Janis: well aren't you generous Janis: tell everyone how not hard you go with it Jimmy: that rich v poor divide just keeps rearing it's head #awks Jimmy: and you're in the wrong 🗨 if you reckon every word's getting screenshotted Jimmy: @💀👑 not 😎🚬 Janis: oh, you mean my true love, yeah Jimmy: if the hair extensions fit Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I'm gonna go see where they're @ Janis: brb Janis: [out tha door] Jimmy: in a bit Jimmy: [but watching her go like a forlorn 🐕] Janis: [going to the gym obvs 'cos got to go work this out can't sit in the tension this long without needing a moment] Jimmy: [do some work bitch but not actually because I like to imagine him drawing Twix on a wanted poster but doing an ^ un next to the wanted to sass her and posting that at some point #arthoe] Janis: [puppydog eyes selfie you do not need to send re. that poster] Jimmy: You pull a muscle? Jimmy: Hang on, I'll be right there to carry you out Janis: Defending my lady from your savage and swift pen, thank you very much Jimmy: go on Janis: Come here and I'll 🥊 ya Janis: only got the 🥺'til then, and it's harder to make you 😳 from afar too Janis: besides, wouldn't wanna make your customers even more inappropriate with you, even you don't deserve that, like Jimmy: if the subject of my 🎨 was such a dealbreaker you should've stuck around to be inspiring Jimmy: but alright, the selfie's a start Janis: A start, yeah? Jimmy: you heard Janis: Aside from my blood, what else do you want/require? Jimmy: is that a trick question? Janis: No Janis: wanna be as 🥇 a muse as a fake girlfriend Jimmy: if you were 🥇 you wouldn't need me to tell you owt Janis: 🥺🥺🥺 Janis: and you're meant to teach me how to blow smoke rings too Jimmy: I'm due a break, gimme a shout when you're done 💪 Janis: don't you wanna take a break break Janis: my current muse abilities will get me through the day alright Jimmy: and you admitting what hard work you are will get me through this shift alright Janis: that'll be why you want me to come back Jimmy: take both my jobs seriously, me Janis: hard work, I remember Janis: another #kinkunlocked Janis: I can give you that punishment, if you really want Jimmy: hot Janis: of course Janis: not a total amateur Jimmy: fooled me Janis: piss off Jimmy: [a little doodle he's drawn of her based on that selfie she sent but a deliberately quick one so we don't get into the #feels of drawing her properly yet] Janis: 🎨🖌 Jimmy: you looked cute Jimmy: [cos gotta steal her words from earlier] Janis: dead convincing, babe 😏 Janis: am I still coming or have you powered through with that picture? Jimmy: Do you still wanna come or are you too 😍💕 to be around me now you've 👀 that masterpiece? Janis: Obviously I need a moment Jimmy: duh Janis: not just to shower or anything, like Janis: full swooning time Jimmy: I get it, making lasses go weak at the knees is my full time occupation Jimmy: ☕ just a prop Janis: Do you pay tax on that? Jimmy: Who sounds like a dad now? Janis: 💰💰 is all I care about, of course Jimmy: with the wrong lad then Janis: take the bragging right of being just that good then, eh Jimmy: you trying to make me 😳 from afar? Jimmy: never stop, you Janis: that a request or a comment? Jimmy: What do you reckon? Janis: Maybe I'll pretend it's the option I prefer regardless Jimmy: can do Janis: tah for the permission Jimmy: well generous, me Jimmy: you said it Janis: I mostly meant it and all 😘 Jimmy: never said owt you don't, obvs 😘 Janis: especially not to you, baby Jimmy: stop making me miss you if you ain't showing up Janis: Stop distracting me and I'll be with you sooner Jimmy: you started it Janis: I purposely left so I didn't Janis: 😇 Jimmy: you did it before you left Janis: when? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: I wanna know what distracted you Jimmy: you do Janis: Okay Janis: I wish you would tell me Jimmy: I don't have the words Jimmy: Bill's 👻 ain't here Janis: What's his order? Janis: tell me that Jimmy: Macchiato Jimmy: he's a slag for espresso but he 💕 foam 🎨 Janis: 😂 Janis: good answer, you really know all your customers Jimmy: that employee of the month 🏆 as good as has Jamie on it Janis: wait Janis: 😑 ugh Jimmy: ? Janis: Jamie isn't real Jimmy: What? Jimmy: 'course he is Jimmy: 👀 right at him Janis: 💔 Janis: why would you hurt me like this Janis: I was so excited to 👀 him Jimmy: He's got all the words for how distracting you are Jimmy: I probably shouldn't let you see him Janis: Please Jimmy: I dunno, he's a bit keen Janis: how keen? Jimmy: Bill'd be about it Janis: intriguing Jimmy: he is that Janis: How can I meet him? Jimmy: Haven't you got a plan? Jimmy: must not be that keen yourself Janis: I've only got to prove to Jamie how keen I am Jimmy: 🤞 he's easier to impress than me Janis: as easy as you are to make blush, I'll be 🤤 Jimmy: unless it's as easy as you are to make 😳 you'll be 💔 Janis: Do you want me to be 💔? Jimmy: Why would I? Janis: Won't it be awkward for you? Janis: me and Jamie Jimmy: You doing this to try and make shit awkward for me? Bill will be gutted he missed the #drama Janis: That's not what I'm trying to do Jimmy: We've covered that I don't care what you do, Jules Janis: That's alright then Janis: I'll crack on Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: what? Janis: you've made me so 😭 Jimmy: Baby Janis: make it up to me? Jimmy: how? Janis: hmm Jimmy: Oi, don't leave me in suspense Janis: I mean, what's a fair trade for making Jamie so hot and so fake really Janis: you owe me more than a cigarette Jimmy: nowt ain't fair trade here, what do you want? Janis: 😏 Janis: nerd Jimmy: hate to disappoint Janis: Baby, you could never Jimmy: if you're 😭 I've let myself down though Janis: depends Janis: that lot are so permanently 😭 they must consider it goals Jimmy: Nah, you just can't put nowt they do in the #goals category Janis: you know how to make me 😊 Jimmy: you look so goals when you are, I have to Jimmy: it's a 🥇😊 Janis: 😳 easy, yeah Jimmy: take the 🏆 Janis: alright Jimmy: is it? Janis: why wouldn't it be? Jimmy: It's not usually that easy Janis: you've told me three times now, hard work Jimmy: I know, it were me who said it Janis: yeah Janis: a lot gets said Jimmy: loads of # an' all Janis: it's like reading between the lines Jimmy: @ Bill's 👻 Janis: okay, convo 💀 got it Jimmy: come on Janis: Bill's is a macchiato, so I've heard Jimmy: He'll take a cold brew if it's ☀ Janis: Make me hate him more, honestly Jimmy: he's just trying to stay #relevant Janis: oh Bill 💔 Janis: ain't we all? Jimmy: would love to be irrelevant, me Jimmy: it's a hard life being this fit and mysterious 🎻💔 Janis: preaching to the preacher Janis: what a cross to bear Jimmy: don't rub it in that he's only got 😍 for you, girl Jimmy: 💔👴 Jimmy: I'm so 😭😭 and 😠😠 Janis: Oh baby boy Janis: I don't think a sexy old man costume is gonna be convincing enough Janis: gotta let you spread your wings Jimmy: too right it won't Janis: Well, I'm so SORRY I'm not enough for you! Jimmy: you should be Janis: you are so rude OMG Jimmy: you're so young and fit, it's well out of order Jimmy: what am I meant to do with that? Jimmy: gimme something to work with here, for fuck's sake Janis: God, when I signed up for a pervy older boyfriend, this is NOT how I imagined it Janis: fetishize my innocence ffs! Janis: like, you aren't even gonna try and use my inexperience to your advantage, WTF?! Jimmy: I dunno what to tell you, Joanne, dad's are a disappointment Jimmy: fucked if that weren't the type of daddy you were hoping for Janis: 😂 Janis: my own ain't such goals I'm tryna get another just like him, nah Jimmy: and I ain't got the 💰💰💰 so that's pissed on that angle Janis: guess it don't make no sense to keep you about Jimmy: on you go Jimmy: keep walking Janis: it's not been real Jimmy: it were real, baby and we were 🥇 Janis: 💕 Janis: very 😎 Jimmy: *😎🚬 Jimmy: nowt to live for now Janis: nowt to die for either Janis: but if you're ready to take that break now, Mr Brightside Janis: [showing up outside like hello] Jimmy: [appears as fast as he can considering he's meant to be working hard] Janis: ['alright?'] Jimmy: ['you?' because can never answer anything ugh] Janis: [nods but the slightly awkward vibe again 'cos becoming less clear what's fake, what's pisstake and what's real every day yo] Jimmy: [ain't that the tea, lights them both a 🚬 cos of course he does] Janis: [takes it, grateful for the distraction as per, after a while, getting more comfortable in front of him again 'you are a dickhead though'] Jimmy: [gives her such an offended look like excuse you 'yeah but what've I done now?'] Janis: [taps his name badge like hi, Jamie but smirks and shrugs 'don't actually owe me anything for it though, guess I see the potential funny side of it when you're surrounded by dull basic bitches all day every day, like'] Jimmy: [takes off the badge and chucks it dramatically even though he'll have to pick that up before he goes back in but the gesture stands like ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?] Janis: [lols 'yes, that is exactly what I wanted, you nutter'] Jimmy: ['Good'] Janis: [just doing the thing where you're trying not to look so you just keep doing lots of little looks] Jimmy: ['What we doing in a bit?' because you're already thinking about her leaving after this and you don't want to not see her later] Janis: [shrugs again 'until our peers actually wake up and plan parties, the diary's free' 'cos most teens are so lazy compared to these two so who knows yet, oh I was thinking though we should do a rave and/or a festival moment with them in this hol both would work well as prolonged fake dating but also the scenes are busy enough they wouldn't have to be ON the whole time but we know they would 'cos shameless] Jimmy: [yaaaaaaaaaaaaas I love that, we could totally do both like a rave in a warehouse moment that's just a night but then a festival that's a couple of days maybe because he'd be so ! about leaving the kids behind then but not something he can take them to] Jimmy: ['we could do' cos imagine them trying to plan a party please] Janis: [I agree, I think they're both valid plans, 'cos everyone could be at both, so we can have whatever we wanna/need to happen happen] Janis: [raises her brows like whaaaa but then tilts her head like she's thinking about it 'well we are basically prom king and queen of the moment so'] Jimmy: ['I get that you might be worried 'cause of being a massively shit host but you'll have me' 😏] Janis: [tuts at him loudly 'like I actually want any of the cunts 'round here to ever have a good time' a look like do you know who you're talking to rn but then 😏 'would be worth it to beat them at their own game though, obviously'] Jimmy: ['we need somewhere we can properly trash, so we can have a good time if nowt else' because not doing it at his gaff cos of the kids as much as I'd love to annoy Ian and we want somewhere aesthetic because art hoe] Janis: [taps her head like good idea and now I'm thinking on it] Jimmy: ['I hadn't forgot I owed you one, babe, but you've still gotta help a new boy out on the actual where, soz' scrunches his face up like ugh I know, I'm the WORST] Janis: [squishing his squishy face always 'don't reckon even MY bathroom is big enough to host a decent party, sadly' #bathgateforever] Jimmy: [grins because that's given him an idea 'Alright but how badly do you want your REAL boyfriend's and biggest fan's attention? 'cause there's one place I've yet to get lost on my way to'] Janis: [the IRL equivalent of ? but excited with it like tell me bitch] Jimmy: ['how about we do it at school, my dear'] Janis: ['okay, that's a really fucking good idea' the biggest 😈 grin] Jimmy: [when you're buzzing because you thought she'd say no because of all the possible trouble you could get in, which we know is why you're doing it Jimothy the mood being fuck you Ian 5eva] Janis: [little do you know how ready she is to burn it all to the ground at any point lmao 'I'd kiss you if that weren't a punishment'] Jimmy: [irl 😘 'you know how Bill feels about lasses who doth protest'] Janis: [when we all know you meant it the other way 'round and the temptation to say as much is REAL but trumped by the desire to see this plan through/keep being 'friends' so you just smirk and hit him with a 'yeah, yeah' and move on with details 'I reckon most people will be dead up for it, long as they can run and deny all knowledge of the who and the how when shit hits the fan, like'] Jimmy: ['tonight then?' because the EGO of this boy who thinks he can pull this together and off in a few hours] Janis: ['why not' flicking the remains of her cigarette away with a flourish 'use how fast news travels 'round here to our advantage, as per' shrugs 'standard, really'] Jimmy: ['the dress code's black, that's the hill I'll die on' flips down imaginary 😎] Janis: ['fine by me' runs tongue across imaginary fangs like duh 'they can always fall back on their school uniform if they get stuck, bit cliche for my taste but they are so' a what can you do? shrug] Jimmy: ['pjs for you, girl, better hit the shops now if you're down to the emergency pink pair, like' shrugs back but 😏 as he looks at his actual real watch] Janis: [rolls her eyes at the suggestion and the implication she wears pink PJs, pushes him gently towards the door 'get back to work so we can get to work sooner, I'll catch you later'] Jimmy: [just looking at her because he does not want to gdi but then has to add an OTT pout because too real] Janis: [likewise so obviously has to be as OTT back 'parting is such sweet sorrow, yeah babe?'] Jimmy: [when you just hug her again like you did earlier before you can stop yourself like okay this is a thing we're doing with each other now bye] Janis: [just leaning into that like you're such a hugger usually sure] Jimmy: [we're just friends who casually hug yep] Janis: [so casual] Jimmy: [go back in and try not be distracted by your feelings and your big plans boy] Janis: are we taking credit or are we putting this out anon? Jimmy: Don't you want the 🏆? Janis: you just want a reunion with your 👮 pals, obvs Janis: I don't care, it'll out either way so may as well own it, I guess, if you're alright with that too Jimmy: You said you wanted to beat these dickheads at their own game, bit hard to do if they don't know we're playing Janis: can't cough without 10 people commenting on it 'round here anyway Janis: and who else would actually have such a 🔥💡 either Jimmy: There you go then Janis: 👍 Janis: no need to post yet, do it closer to the time it causes more hype/no time for it to get shut down Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: You done this before? Janis: Party planning or breaking into the school? Jimmy: I already know you break into the school regularly for secret trysts with your 💕 Janis: no need when he's got the key 😍😍🤤 Jimmy: There's every need when he's 😍😍🤤 for danger Jimmy: unless his ultimate #kinkunlocked is your innocence Janis: Can only assume he 👂 to all those virgin rumours Jimmy: until I came about and he discovered he's all about that cuckold life Janis: all 👀 now Janis: from inside the wardrobe or whatever the fuck 😬😂 Jimmy: be loads of places he can 👀 tonight Janis: True Janis: loads of places to hide too, at least Jimmy: 👻 Jimmy: such an athlete, nowt you can do but run Janis: Not scared of you, like Jimmy: Bollocks Jimmy: first thing I learned about you is how 🙀 you are Janis: Well, no need to insult your intelligence rn Jimmy: #notthickjustnorthern Janis: 'course, hun 😘 Jimmy: ILY babes 💕 Jimmy: tah for keeping it so real with me there Janis: you know me, keep it 💯👌🙏 Jimmy: fave thing about you, that Janis: Awh Janis: so cute! 💖 Jimmy: you know me, never off Janis: OMG, that's like, totally in my top 3 favourite things about you Janis: so crazy Jimmy: 🤖 kink unlocked 🎟 please Janis: erm have you know none of my friends require batteries THANKS Jimmy: 'cause none of 'em are fwb obvs Janis: do you reckon this party is the time or place to announce that downgrade in relationship Janis: get it together 👏 Jimmy: Depends Janis: If you've got a 📢 to hand? Jimmy: well I were gonna say on Mr Lucas but now I'm fuming that you're doubting the size of my gob Jimmy: Asia would never Jimmy: she knows 📏 matters Janis: 😏 Janis: I'll make sure to spread that 'round then, if that's the new rep you want Jimmy: if you ain't got enough to do, I'll @ my manager about some shifts we've got going Jimmy: put a decent enough word in for you, mate Janis: I'll go in for the cliche getting the hot one to train me but then I'm getting sacked before any of the skeleton gang comes through Jimmy: I would but I'm forced to spend enough time with you as is Janis: 🙄 you and your big head can get out the way, tah Jimmy: it's proper sweet of you to fake failing eyesight for me but you still ain't 👵💕 soz Janis: I knew you'd end up going fully dellusional Janis: gonna take ages to deprogram you 🤖 Jimmy: just hit the kill switch Janis: don't 👻 or @ me 'til I've finished my trial shift, thank you Janis: RIP 🌹 Jimmy: Ugh Jimmy: so hard to please, you Jimmy: 🥀💔 Janis: just tryna save your lil ghostie 👀 and 🖤 Janis: 'less you're really the one who's into waiting in the cupboard 🤔 Jimmy: Piss off Janis: Will do Janis: got shit to get, PJs to cop Jimmy: RIP to my concentration Jimmy: such a distracting mental image, that Janis: was your request Janis: so entirely your fault Jimmy: you doing what you're told now? 🤤🤤😍 Janis: Depends Jimmy: ? Janis: just how pink the selection is Jimmy: duh, I should've worked that one out Janis: also if I can find any without the sassy slogans slapped all over Jimmy: #whenyou'retoobittertobejuicy Janis: 😱 Janis: how Janis: DARE Janis: you Jimmy: 😏 Janis: no matching set for you now Jimmy: 💔😭 Jimmy: Baby please Janis: You'll have to dress yourself now Janis: as a straight lad, we all know you're incapable Jimmy: come on, be nice to me Janis: Why? Janis: you're so mean to me Jimmy: 😱😱😱😱 Jimmy: never Janis: and now you're gonna gaslight me Janis: so typical 👌 Jimmy: Truce? Janis: Hmm Janis: calling that suspiciously fast Jimmy: No kid wants to have a party where their mum and dad are scrapping in the back Janis: Alright Janis: though I did not agree to raise any child with you Jimmy: I'll chuck the bag of flour before I get there then Jimmy: ain't named it or owt Janis: awh it looks like you Janis: so sweet 😂 Jimmy: might have to call him Jamie Janis: insensitive tbh Jimmy: don't sound like me at all Jimmy: is this gonna be the shortest truce EVER or what? Janis: if you're happy for me to be wistfully thinking about Jamie all the time Janis: then crack on, no arguments here Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Oh Jamie Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: wish the school had a balcony Janis: fuck knows where I'm lamenting from Jimmy: get on the roof, girl Janis: 💀 pact request or? Janis: either way 👍 Jimmy: You still taking on board my requests or? Jimmy: #didwepeakwithpjs? Janis: wishing you used your wishes more wisely now? Jimmy: Is that a trick question? Jimmy: there's nowt wiser Jimmy: get you some slippers and we're near to 💕👵 Janis: 🖕 Dickhead Janis: the idea is to make everyone else 😩 not you Jimmy: we do Jimmy: nowt I can do about your face Jimmy: or your body Janis: devastating news Jimmy: I've had my 😭 about it Jimmy: old news Janis: let me mourn, god Jimmy: crack on Janis: [later] Janis: you out yet Jimmy: What do you need a hand to carry now? Janis: rude Janis: I'm bored Jimmy: poor baby Jimmy: where are you? Janis: [a random location in town] Janis: been reminded why I hate shopping Jimmy: you don't wanna take #goals selfies with me then? Jimmy: 💔 Janis: obviously Janis: gotta get something out of it Jimmy: meet me at [somewhere they can be goals af] Jimmy: 🤞 I don't get lost Janis: Come on Janis: you must know your way a bit by now Janis: not that far Jimmy: yeah go there all the time, me Jimmy: don't be a dickhead Janis: I'll start walking Janis: don't wanna make another poster Jimmy: but you LOVED the first one I done Janis: you're very talented Jimmy: 🙄🖕 Janis: Take a compliment, boy Jimmy: Give one that ain't a pisstake, girl Janis: Ugh Janis: that might be a challenge too far Jimmy: then like I said 🙄🖕 Jimmy: and you shut up, trying to get my bearings here Janis: you're adorable when you're lost Janis: that's sincere Jimmy: Where the fuck? Jimmy: this town is some bollocks Jimmy: can't find nowt Janis: See, precious Janis: did you live in a town before or like down a mine or whatever the fuck Jimmy: canary in a little cage, me Jimmy: just a lad and his 🎻 Jimmy: just the one 🥧 crust to ration out Janis: 💔 Janis: we get it, you can act alright 😏 Janis: the sob story ain't gonna save you now Jimmy: Are you gonna? Janis: don't I always? Jimmy: 💪🏆 you Janis: Tweet it so I know it's real Jimmy: [cue dramatic and 💕 tweet about how she's his saviour etc] Janis: coming for your 🥇 pisstaker 👑 with that one Janis: fairplay Jimmy: well I actually need you, bit real that Jimmy: if I said it I'd have to 💀💀💀 or worse, delete Janis: 🤐 Janis: I'll never tell, don't worry Jimmy: using you like a sat nav ain't very #goals Jimmy: reckon the secret's safe Janis: you mean your lack of direction isn't Janis: how unmanly of you Jimmy: it's a crap shag rumour waiting to happen Jimmy: Asia would dump me and my life would be OVER Janis: Nah, blind loyalty is their only redeeming quality Janis: 💀👑 ain't even tried to fuck them and they still stick around Jimmy: In fairness she'd probably ⚰ if she did have a go Janis: says you Jimmy: what are you saying? Janis: your stamina ain't braggable with those lungs Jimmy: HOW DARE YOU Janis: whoops Janis: 🙊 Jimmy: could run rings around you, smoke and actual Janis: there's fake and then there's madness Jimmy: there's 🙀 and then there's you Jimmy: sort it out Janis: Who's scared? Janis: Literally any time you wanna have an asthma attack, babe Janis: I'm ready Jimmy: yeah right Jimmy: all chat, you Jimmy: ain't even found me Janis: Bullshit Jimmy: ❌ marks the northern lad Jimmy: get a move on Janis: shut up then Jimmy: If you need a hand that desperately I'll send you 🚬☁ signals Janis: [showing up like hilarious] Jimmy: [fakes like he's gonna jump into her arms like a damsel in distress but obvs does not] Janis: [puts her arms straight down at her side like won't catch you boy] Jimmy: [does a pouty face and puts his hand out like hold it or I'll get lost again] Janis: [🙄 but does it, obvs] Jimmy: [deliberately goes the wrong way because nerd] Janis: [swinging him 'round like nope] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: ['can you drive?'] Jimmy: ['Are we stealing a car before or after the break in?' because he can but he can't answer a q] Janis: [shrugs 'I can take the speakers from home without it being suspicious but if I ask to drop 'em off at the school, like' gestures like you see my point 'someone will pick us up for a crate, no big'] Jimmy: ['I could take my dad's car but I dunno if they'll fit' shrugs 'be gutted he didn't get that very important memo about how much size matters'] Janis: ['yeah?' bites lip whilst thinking, tapping foot up and down 'should fit, just put the backseats down'] Jimmy: [when she looks so good biting her lip that you nearly lose yourself in the music AND the moment 'Alright' because he knows he's gonna get in trouble for this anyway and that's the whole point, in for a penny in for a pound] Janis: ['first stop yours then? whilst he's still at work' when you're looking like are you sure but you aren't going to ask] Jimmy: [typical that he lives right by the school and she lives 42 years away lol 'owt else we need from here?' gestures around vaguely with a 😒 face like ugh shops and people gross] Janis: ['better get that crate still, party'll supply itself but I still want some shit for us'] Jimmy: [nods and gives her a look like better get several cos can't resist calling her a pisshead] Janis: [pushes him lightly 'oh, and how many packs do you need to get through, Mr. Buzzkill?'] Jimmy: [a dramatic idk there's no way to know gesture 'such a lad, me, with SUCH good stamina] Janis: [😏 'come on then' and dragging him towards the shop like let's hurry it up] Jimmy: ['get ready for your close up and we can do the photo shoot in the car'] Janis: ['born ready- with this face, and this body' 'cos we ain't forgotten] Jimmy: [trying not to 😳 so hard rn] Janis: [knows and is buzzing about that payback] Jimmy: [lowkey nearly pushing her into some women having a chat in the way of everyone cos that playful shove] Janis: [unrepentantly not soz at those women but 😒 at him] Jimmy: [😏 to hide that he is soz cos didn't mean to do it that hard] Janis: [shoving all the booze at him like go get this but giving him the cash too 'cos not that mad] Jimmy: [does because whipped] Janis: I'm off out 'fore I get lynched Janis: you can find your way back from the tills without me, yeah Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: Adorable Jimmy: Shh Janis: Stop being so damn cute Janis: never getting served with that baby face Jimmy: Stop flirting with me Jimmy: You're too young and I'm too 😎 Janis: Spoilsport Jimmy: few drinks in me and you'll be 🍑📞 Jimmy: hang on in there, baby Janis: yeah Janis: gonna look top in my pjs Janis: who could resist Jimmy: have to be a 💪🏆 lad than me and there ain't none about Janis: Tah for being so real about my chances, like Jimmy: what are mates for? Janis: gonna hold my hair back too? Jimmy: yeah Janis: looking for a promotion to bezzies forever Jimmy: it's just always in my fucking way Janis: ? Jimmy: your hair Janis: oh Janis: fair Janis: if you didn't always go for the neck, would be less of an issue Jimmy: Alright, I can take a hint Jimmy: tonight I'll kiss you somewhere else Janis: [not answering 'cos 😳] Jimmy: [when you think she's not answering because she's like GOD NO levels of horrified] Janis: [ah miscommunication, least she is literally outside so we don't need to angst] Jimmy: [coming out cos job done, take a sec to impress her with how strong you are carrying all that shit] Janis: [lil clap and feeling his biceps like Prue] Jimmy: [🙄 but loves it] Janis: ['back to yours now?'] Jimmy: ['I get it, you proper miss her' shout out to Twix] Janis: [nods like 'course 'and we need to get changed to meet your self-imposed dresscode; good as you look'] Jimmy: [looks down and shrugs cos it's probably black tbh but we know you ain't going like that boy] Janis: ['and you have a car to steal' like need I remind you of the plan] Jimmy: ['ain't really stealing if you just grab the keys of the hook, but alright' keeping this so casual] Janis: ['trust you to wanna make it legal and boring' 👮 ref 'still not got insurance or a license, even if you are 45'] Jimmy: [a look like OI so offended 'loads of ways we can make the drive less boring, if you wanna get involved, Jill' stop making it so sexual thank you we all know that's what you mean] Janis: ['Obviously' a LOOK for good measure 'cos we all know what you mean 'not gonna make you do it alone, not very friendly' taking some of the supplies like see] Jimmy: [such a LOOK back] Janis: [don't drop your shopping lads] Jimmy: [that'd be awks, at least they don't have that far to go for this leg of the journey cos he doesn't live in the middle of nowhere] Janis: [shoutout ian for that one thing and one thing only] Jimmy: [when you gesture for her to light you a 🚬 for this one time only because your hands are full af] Janis: [thrilled about the novelty of that tbh] Jimmy: [don't think about how she'd have to get it out of his pocket and put it in his mouth and all that jazz #accidentalhotness] Janis: [its a mood and a moment and we're just trying to get home without dying here, also gonna have one herself 'cos duh] Jimmy: [so much eye contact goodbye] Janis: ['you're fully aware how much shit we're gonna get in, yeah?'] Jimmy: [a dramatic OTT gasp like it only just occurred to him just then] Janis: [nudges him like but really though] Jimmy: [looks down at all the shit he's carrying 'bit late for you to back out, but if you're gonna, go on, we can still half this'] Janis: [shakes her head 'nah, I know, I'm making sure you do, so we're good then'] Jimmy: ['not thick, just northern'] Janis: ['alright, hail of bullets it is then, babe'] Jimmy: ['that's the hottest thing you've ever said to me' cos have to lighten the mood when you know it'll be BAD when Ian finds out about any of this and like you want that but you also don't] Janis: [😏 'yeah, yeah'] Jimmy: [strutting along but in non-awkward silence for a bit] Janis: [living laughing loving like you're not about to get in so much trouble lolollol] Jimmy: [do we wanna skip to his gaff so no other moments happen along the way lol?] Janis: [probably, let's not get carried away yet when there's a whole night ahead] Jimmy: [you're still sober rn lads give it time] Janis: [hohaha] Jimmy: [when he'd have to check in with Cass and Bobby before he can even do anything else remotely, making them cups of tea and food and all kinds of bollocks, you better have walked that dog while he was at work kids we don't have time] Janis: [forever awkwardly there like hello] Jimmy: [like excuse him while he has a little argument with his sister cos she's had bobby all day and he's only just got back and he's basically gonna go straight back out] Janis: [soz girl, just going outside so they can do this in private like you're gonna smoke but you definitely ain't] Jimmy: [he's right back to being stressed because what a day we're having Jimothy, trying to do everything you gotta do with a clingy little bro in your face rn] Janis: [the joys of being an unwilling parent to your siblings truly] Jimmy: [I like to imagine he's forced them on the trampoline like let's all calm down] Janis: need me to do anything? Jimmy: 💀💀💀 us Janis: us in the singular or us as in me and you or us as in you want me to family anihilate Janis: the important questions save from awkward misunderstandings later Jimmy: right now I ain't that fussy, babe Jimmy: suit yourself Janis: Generous to a fault Janis: it's impressive Janis: I'll put the drink in the car Jimmy: 💕 Janis: set up the hose and all Janis: whenever you're ready, babe Jimmy: I read that you meant for a 🚿 Jimmy: about to bring up that rich v poor divide again there Janis: as much as the neighbours would be 👀 behind their curtains Jimmy: 👵💕👴 Jimmy: proper cheered me and Doris an' all, tah Jules Janis: any time Jimmy: you can use our actual 🚿 if you need though Jimmy: sight of you would 💀💀💀 her off Janis: Cheers Janis: couldn't hurt, even if there's no decent lads to pull 💔 Jimmy: that screenshot is being @ed to Mr Lucas Jimmy: such a heartbreaker you Janis: s'alright, just tell him he's a man not a lad Janis: answer for everything me 😇 Jimmy: get out of my bathroom actually I've gotta 🤢🤢 Janis: so jealous, so immature Janis: 😂 Jimmy: 🖕 Jimmy: how mature's that? 😘 Janis: SO impressive Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Jimmy: you know it Janis: of course Janis: I am getting in now though so if you're actually gonna come in, bring your 📷 or don't, like Jimmy: that ain't fair, I already know what an exhibitionist you are, gimme a new kink to unlock Janis: I'm not making it any easier for you Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: not even 🥉 behaviour, that Janis: sort it out Jimmy: Alright, dickhead, appreciate the shot's fired but I still ain't 💀💀💀 Janis: Shame Janis: and no 🎟 for that one either, I know Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: there's your 🚿🎵 Janis: Tah Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [after a suitable shower time] Janis: your turn Jimmy: 🏃 Janis: [awkward meetcute on the landing] Jimmy: [love that] Janis: [also she'll either be in a towel or in what she's wearing so either way we can assume 😍] Jimmy: [we all know what you'll be doing in that shower boy] Janis: [oohlala] Jimmy: [at least Ian ain't there to lament his water bill] Janis: [gonna have bigger problems soon soz not soz dickhead] Jimmy: [mhmm] Janis: [meanwhile not lowkey knowing where to put yourself rn, 'cos you don't wanna get up in the kids grill but also feels presumptuous just being in his room but ultimately where you're gonna be 'cos can style that out better] Jimmy: [bowl in with your towel on to make this more awkward] Janis: [just like um ah sorry run lmao] Jimmy: [put your clothes on and go find her sir] Janis: [just chilling by the car probably] Jimmy: [open the door for her thank you] Janis: [tipping your imaginary hat] Jimmy: [illegal driving time, don't die please] Janis: [to her house, which whilst so much faster in a car, still forever lol] Jimmy: [put your easter rising playlist on kids] Janis: [soundtrack to your love tbh] Jimmy: [and don't forget to stop somewhere in the middle of nowhere for your photoshoot moment] Janis: [so important, vital, some would say, ie yous two] Jimmy: [it's been an age by your standards cos he didn't post the bench moment the fans need #content 👌] Janis: [when that was too #personal we all know it] Jimmy: [whenever her actual name gets used it's too personal that's the tea] Janis: [no pretending then] Jimmy: [lbr there's barely any even this early on] Janis: [when you're just bad at this but that works in favour of being believed 'cos it's real lmao] Jimmy: [imagine if it was all fake like alright well bye] Janis: [you thought lads] Jimmy: [they'd have to be 🤖] Janis: [and you ain't, despite efforts bitch] Jimmy: [just like imma spend all this time with you and chat with you always but idc tho] Janis: [so realistic, the facts are if you actually intended to fake date you would have to do so little to make it seem legit, you don't need to really date lol] Jimmy: [literally could have do what Buster did for like 3 years and made someone up, he could've easily pretended he'd left someone up north but no] Janis: [like we know these girls are pushy but come on lol] Jimmy: [he's perfectly capable of being an antisocial dickhead and getting them to lose interest] Janis: [mhmm lmao, we see you, idk why we're shading as if this isn't out plan, like admit you fancied each other!!!1] Jimmy: [when it's a bestselling book/netflix show peeps gonna be shouting] Janis: [hohaha] Jimmy: [do we wanna do a skip or have you got anything you wanna do on this drive while they bonnie and clyde 39ing it] Janis: [hmmmmm, part of me wants to do it but maybe we should skip idk] Jimmy: [if you wanna do it gal we shall 😘] Janis: [tings could happen as they do] Jimmy: [thank god he needs to keep his eyes on the road because I can only imagine how 🔥 she looks rn] Janis: [I need to find pics but defs a lewk, totally for your benefit whether we're admitting that or obvs not, boy] Jimmy: [I'm being cockblocked as standard but he'd be serving a lewk also in the effortless way he do] Janis: [we're all 😍 up in here but still, conversation lmao 'did your dad teach you to drive?'] Jimmy: [such a bitter laugh because Ian would never 'I get it, the deathwish is a strong one, but let's get the party over and done with first, yeah?' because you know Ian would be a crap driver all that road rage] Janis: [obvs senses that's a no-go topic area and nods 'works for me, not a very cool way to die, 'less we're driving off a cliff' ha ha mems bye] Jimmy: ['controlling carpet salesman is more your type than the easy-going musician which is awkward' cos the musician's name is Jimmy I lol 'and you love a flirtatious stranger an' all'] Janis: [lols 'well, what a drag, not even gonna counter it because would LOVE a new carpet right about now'] Jimmy: [looks down at the floor of the car like understandable 'if you could keep your legs closed for a bit so all my savings don't get nicked by some obvs irresistible dickhead, I'd love that though'] Janis: ['I make no promises' 😏] Jimmy: [shakes his head like ugh what am I gonna do with you] Janis: ['am I the hot one or nah though?'] Jimmy: ['Your shit taste is well documented' like you tell me] Janis: [shrugs like boy idk 'not got it memorized' 'cos lowkey has no clue] Jimmy: [shrugs back like neither do I as if he didn't just drop all that plot on her] Janis: [🙄 'well now I'll never know just how much of a drag it was'] Jimmy: ['I'm the hot one, you should know that'] Janis: [offended noises] Jimmy: [poke her like excuse you but keep 👀 on the road so god knows where that hand is gonna land] Janis: [flapping his hand away like get off 'I am not willing to say you're the hot one, thank you'] Jimmy: ['what are you willing to say then?' why you gotta be so flirty boyy] Janis: [raises her hand like she's swearing in court ['the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God'] Jimmy: ['sleepover was the other night, mate'] Janis: ['they weren't having no game of truth or dare with us' face like I wonder why lmao] Jimmy: ['gonna need you to take one for the team and express my heartbreak' cos he can't do 💔 hands while driving] Janis: [does 'though you're the only one not playing nice right now so, think on'] Jimmy: [risking a look at her like ?] Janis: ['we could play right now' like duh] Jimmy: ['what dares can I do with both hands on the wheel?'] Janis: [snorts 'don't tempt me' but shakes her head 'called TRUTH OR dare, just pick truth, and I gave you the chance to ask me first anyway'] Jimmy: ['I can't be pulling over every time you want me to do something' and a LOOK soz drivers 'but alright' cos can't turn down a challenge ever] Janis: ['you can keep your hands where I can see 'em at all times, promise' returning that LOOK but being 😳 by the time he's turned 'round 'go on then, ask me something interesting'] Jimmy: ['Nah, lasses first, gimme a dare, if you can think of owt'] Janis: [a sigh like fgs boy 'no, alright, let me think then' humming and tapping your lip to show how hard you're thinking about this 'alright, truthfully, if you HAD to bang one of the flat whites, who would you pick?] Jimmy: ['your sister' because honestly Grace is the least annoying not just cos Janis is not gonna be happy about it though that's a bonus] Janis: [retches 'shut up and pick someone else'] Jimmy: ['Don't ask for the truth if you can't handle it'] Janis: ['it's not the truth, you're a dick'] Jimmy: ['Yeah it is'] Janis: [😒] Jimmy: [nudges her like cheer up] Janis: [just shifting your body out of reach like no] Jimmy: ['Stop being a dickhead'] Janis: ['You first'] Jimmy: ['It were your question, I'd be a dickhead if I never answered'] Janis: ['we're not playing anymore'] Jimmy: [sighs but doesn't say anything] Janis: [turning up the music] Jimmy: [awkwardly driving] Janis: [getting herself a drink from the back probably very inelegantly climbing over all the shit, which is a bit rude but here we are] Jimmy: [a long enough pause that he easily could have dropped the topic but has not 'who did you want me to fuck'] Janis: ['Literally anyone but my sister, it's not hard'] Jimmy: ['would be' because ew imagine any of them and him] Janis: ['forget it'] Jimmy: ['You first'] Janis: ['fuck off, I don't have to do anything'[ Jimmy: ['I don't have to fuck your sister, it were just a game'] Janis: ['go for it, it's such an easy choice, like'] Jimmy: ['shut up, I don't wanna go for it'] Janis: ['whatever'] Jimmy: [is just looking at her like what the fuck are we doing this for if I was just gonna get with any of them, don't crash please] Janis: ['stop looking at me and focus'] Jimmy: [dramatically but safely thank you pulls over so he can just stare her out because that bitch] Janis: ['what are you doing?'] Jimmy: ['What are you doing?' so annoying] Janis: [the exasperation just like bitch, getting out 'I'm walking'] Jimmy: [obviously also gets out 'you're being a massive twat'] Janis: ['then get back in your car and leave me alone'] Jimmy: ['no'] Janis: ['well I'm not getting back in'] Jimmy: ['Well it's getting left here then, wherever the fuck here is'] Janis: ['Don't be ridiculous'] Jimmy: ['you'] Janis: ['I've not done anything wrong, I want to walk, go away' pushing him in the general direction of the car] Jimmy: [gets back in the car like fine but it's not fine] Janis: [just sitting on the side of the road fuming 'cos you've not even got the speakers yet] Jimmy: [when you can't even have a drink #gutted] Janis: go to my house Janis: I'll tell my brother you're coming to pick the gear up Jimmy: I'm not going without you Janis: for fuck's sake Jimmy: get in Janis: don't look at me don't talk to me Janis: alright Jimmy: 👌 Janis: [gets in and slams the door] Jimmy: [well this is fun kids, but hey at least we're moving again] Janis: [dramatically looking out this window] Jimmy: [turns the music up even more] Janis: [turns it down 'cos petty] Jimmy: [is so 😒 but leaves it] Janis: [get these speakers quick] Jimmy: [imagine the weird vibe when they do, oooh someone's had a domestic] Janis: [also gotta hope said sibling doesn't dob you in 'cos Jimmy is not old enough to be driving we all know this] Jimmy: [also hope Grace isn't home cos AWKWARD] Janis: [safe to say you will not be coming to this soiree anyway] Jimmy: [thank goodness none of them are for a multitude of reasons] Janis: [just both dying to be out this car now, on your phone giving people details so at least you've got an excuse/something to do] Jimmy: [what a hilarious drive back that would be] Janis: ['everyone's coming'] Jimmy: [nods in recognition of her saying that but we all know he's not bothered rn] Janis: [what if she invited Pete though] Jimmy: [BITCH OMG DO IT] Janis: [dragging you into this soz boy] Jimmy: [because they haven't been coupley af at his work yet or anything and neither of them has really interacted with him so it makes it more blatant] Janis: [gotta be done] Jimmy: [I am living] Janis: [we can probably skip now we aren't getting past this lol] Jimmy: [yeah agreed, like all he's gonna do is get back dump the shit then take the car back and check the kids are okay and then walk back to the school all in a moody silence so] Janis: [we know the vibe, blatantly taking advantage of how fast this party is gonna get out of control to avoid each other] Jimmy: [raid Ian's stash while you're there boy because stronger stuff that's so needed] Janis: [sudden life and soul like excuse me whilst I talk to everyone and accept all the drinks etc] Jimmy: [the fakest she's ever been] Janis: [hostess with the mostest] Jimmy: [we all know that's a fuck you too cos he called her a shit host] Janis: [getting turnt, locating Pete] Jimmy: [he's straight up gonna drag her away from that boy, soz pete] Janis: [he's gonna be so confused like hello? meanwhile 'well, that was rude'] Jimmy: [having to style it out to everyone like I just really miss her excuse me 'rude is right, what did you invite him for?'] Janis: [shrugs 'cos he's cool?'] Jimmy: ['how the fuck would you know?'] Janis: ['I talked to him' that was barely an exchange but pop-off 'anyway, there are so many people here, what does it matter?'] Jimmy: [😒 af but you can pretend it goes with what you're about to say 'my manager gonna turn up in a bit an' all or what?'] Janis: ['if he's cool too, maybe'] Jimmy: [walking away but giving her a look like you're such a dick] Janis: ['great talk' shouted after him] Jimmy: ['if you were cool, might've been' shouted back because so mature] Janis: [💔] Jimmy: ['Open with that, next lad you have a great talk with'] Janis: ['Thanks for the suggestion' and walking away to get fully lost in this crowd] Jimmy: [likewise walking off to somewhere he can be on his own or as close to that as we're getting in this chaos] Janis: [least there is an abudance of classrooms, they can't all be full yet] Jimmy: [get drunker because what could go wrong there] Janis: [oh lord, the only way is down] Jimmy: [I've just had the MOST EVIL thought because Pete also smokes do you see where I'm going with this] Janis: [I think I do you lil shrew] Jimmy: [not actually a MOMENT but when you're jealous af everything's a moment] Janis: [is nothing sacred] Jimmy: [how dare you smoke with other hot baristas] Janis: [you don't even smoke lol] Jimmy: [so yeah do you wanna do that? 😈] Janis: [why not, we're out here fucking everything up now] Jimmy: [when you're straight up just gonna try and leave this party boy please I'm not allowing that] Janis: [when you don't even get why he's just immediately turned around so offended so you think it's purely 'cos he doesn't want to see you rn so you go off into the main hall again like okay] Janis: go smoke, I've moved now Jimmy: go where you like Jimmy: I'm going home Janis: erm why Jimmy: 1. you heard me before, fuck who you want but don't make me look a twat Jimmy: 2. I don't need to be here Jimmy: 3. I don't wanna be here Janis: 1. I've not fucked anyone Janis: 2. so you're gonna leave me to get in trouble when that's the entire point of this whole thing to you, apparently Janis: 3. see 2 Jimmy: I've got no shortage of shit I can do to get in trouble Jimmy: You can have this one Janis: Bullshit am I taking the fall for you now Jimmy: bat your eyelashes and tell it were all my idea Jimmy: nowt even fake in that Janis: fuck off with that too Janis: you're being so stupid Jimmy: yeah proper smart move to be all over my co-workers Janis: Hardly Janis: I was talking to him, not a crime Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: I have to see him every day at the same place those bitches go every day Janis: So Janis: I thought you might like someone here you actually know Jimmy: So it ain't very goals when your girlfriend is a massive slag Janis: I already told you Janis: I was talking to him, fuck all else Jimmy: And who else 👀 that? Janis: I've talked to plenty of people here Janis: and the reason I'm not talking to you is your fault so you can't put that on me Jimmy: Get in a darker corner and get a bit closer, sure we can still spin that so it's my fault somehow Janis: Jesus, I'm not an idiot and I'm not trying to fuck him Jimmy: we're surrounded by idiots, stick to the fucking script or exit stage left Janis: I'm making best of the situation Janis: but fine, let's both leave, this whole exercise has been fucking pointless Jimmy: Me an' all, this ain't happening to me again Jimmy: I loved her, I don't even like you Janis: What are you talking about Jimmy: leave it out Janis: You said it Janis: typed it Jimmy: I can't hypothetically fuck your sister with a gun to my head, you can't actually fuck anyone I know Janis: We were having a cigarette, that's what you 👀 Janis: if that pisses you off then you can see why you pissed me off Janis: that's that Jimmy: I never said I couldn't see why you were pissed off Jimmy: not blind Janis: Yes you did Janis: you still don't even get it now, so fuck that Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: but I'm never going near your sister Janis: then you don't Jimmy: I didn't invite her here to piss you off Janis: You didn't have to pick her Jimmy: You wanted honest Janis: Yeah, and if you can't see she's the worst Janis: then I don't want to be your friend and you don't get it Jimmy: I picked her 'cause she's barely spoken to me Jimmy: she's never barged in on me in the bathroom or awkwardly flirted with me Jimmy: there's nowt else to it Janis: I'm over this Jimmy: come on Jimmy: I don't like anyone, least of all any of them Janis: Fine Jimmy: is it? Janis: Sure Janis: it just proves how stupid this is Janis: you don't know me, I don't know you, we've got nothing in common Jimmy: that were the point Jimmy: you can't fake owt with someone who knows you Janis: that ain't the point in being friends Janis: to think we could do both was the mistake Janis: so let's drop it Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: but this party were a good idea Jimmy: is Janis: I hope so Jimmy: just stay Janis: whatever Janis: I had and ave reasons to be here too, I never said I didn't Jimmy: yeah Janis: enjoy your party, Jimmy Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: 👍 Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: Make it a lot later okay Jimmy: suits me Janis: when are you going to be done with this? Jimmy: When are you? Janis: I'm fine now, no one thinks I'm gay Janis: but I'll hold up my end of the deal Janis: so get to your end point and tell me Jimmy: Lasses are gonna fancy me however long this goes on, soon as we end it I'll be back at square one Jimmy: might as well do it now if that's what you want Janis: So what was your plan Janis: do it 'til you found a real girlfriend, what? Jimmy: how do you expect me to plan for that level of crazy? Jimmy: I'll be gone soon Jimmy: be a new boy somewhere else Janis: You'll forgive me for not having much sympathy Janis: only been dealing with it forever Janis: and when is that gonna be, exactly Jimmy: hang on, I'll @ my dad and ask him Jimmy: doubt he'll mind Janis: I don't think either of us knew how long we were signing up for Janis: that's the point, yeah? Jimmy: don't worry about it, this party'll get me one foot out Janis: Good Jimmy: steady on, we ain't gotta have nowt in common Janis: You aren't funny Janis: so no danger Jimmy: ain't gotta be that either, have I? Jimmy: trying to repel the lasses not the other way round Janis: you aren't that special, you know Jimmy: it's not me saying I am Janis: no Jimmy: just trying to keep my head down Jimmy: it ain't my fault they like the look of it Janis: you've really fucked everything up Janis: but maybe that ain't your fault Jimmy: I have got form, probably is Janis: You love moping Janis: have it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: why'd you lie Jimmy: What? Janis: I ust wanna know what the point of saying you wanted to be my friend was Jimmy: I weren't lying Janis: You clearly didn't want to be my friend Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: Come on Jimmy: you Janis: You'd give a shit now if you did Jimmy: I do give a shit now Janis: about how you look Jimmy: stop chatting shit Janis: I heard you the first time Janis: none of this is remotely about me Jimmy: everything I do is about you Janis: You don't need to chat shit just 'cos you reckon I am Jimmy: you're my first thought in all this bollocks Janis: Yeah, and you hate me for it Janis: it isn't my fault they won't leave you alone either, alright Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: I know that, not fucking braindead Janis: then don't treat me like I am Jimmy: I'm sorry Jimmy: I don't need to go on about what today's been like, you've been about for most of it Janis: Yeah, alright Janis: I'm sorry for inviting your coworker Jimmy: Alright Janis: Actual truce then Jimmy: might last a fucking minute this time, like Janis: don't get carried away Jimmy: weren't promising nowt Janis: just warn me next time you're gonna have a meltdown and we'll be fine Jimmy: you were the one who stropped out of the car, babe Jimmy: didn't get a single 📷 Janis: and you're the one who wouldn't go to my house alone so Janis: we'll have to have a truce Janis: and I'm in no state now Janis: the evidence of this party will speak for itself Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: #whentheonlycrimecommitedisthelackofselfiesinthatoutfit Janis: Shut up 😏 Jimmy: at least come here so I can 😍😍🤤 over it Janis: tell me where you are then Jimmy: 🎨 room #duh Janis: 'course you are Janis: see if I remember where it is, get lost for once instead of you Jimmy: Where are you? Janis: bathroom Janis: where else do girls go to 😭 Jimmy: [draws her an adorable quick little map] Janis: Cheers, nerd Jimmy: now you can always find me when we're stuck here 💕 Janis: Cute Janis: fucking weird being here at night Janis: not that I think we will be much longer now Jimmy: do my 🥇 work at night, me Jimmy: I'll show you Janis: I'm not gonna grade you Janis: given how tense things are already, risky game Jimmy: I don't need you to tell me it's top marks Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: Colour me unsurprised that you're class show-off Jimmy: don't say a word, me Jimmy: there's no need Janis: oh God Janis: you're insufferable 😂 Jimmy: *😎 Janis: shh Janis: or I'm purposely getting so lost Jimmy: have to find you for once Janis: I'm good at hiding Jimmy: I'm good at 👀 Janis: the 😎 ain't prescription Janis: 😱 Jimmy: told you I weren't blind Janis: I stopped listening after you said you wanted to bang my sister Janis: which speaks to the contrary 🤷 Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: you would've heard me say sorry if you were bothered Janis: I'm bothered Jimmy: so what you just want another one? Janis: Maybe Jimmy: gonna have to do something for it since you ain't listening to nowt I've said Jimmy: 🤔🤔 Janis: Now I know why you wanted a dare Jimmy: Go on then Jimmy: I'll do owt you want so you know how sorry I am Janis: Don't say that Jimmy: Why? Janis: 'cos it's been one of those days Janis: and I'm too drunk to be sensible Jimmy: that's why you should let me make it up to you Jimmy: or it'll keep on being shit Janis: okay Janis: but you do what you think Janis: I'm not telling you to do anything Jimmy: just for tonight or ever again? Janis: like I tell you what to do all the time Jimmy: I'm just saying, might be a dealbreaker Janis: Oh right Janis: it's a kink, I forgot Jimmy: taking your 🎟🎟 off you Janis: 😣 Janis: I'll tell you what to do Jimmy: go on Janis: come out and find me instead Janis: I can't be just me and you right now Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: how far did you get? Janis: corridor Janis: don't call me scared Jimmy: [appears like the 👻 he is] Janis: [such an intense LOOK in every sense 'cos what a time we're all confused and frustrated] Jimmy: [giving her those 😍 he said he would and MORE lbr] Janis: [when I'm like you're staying still girl I don't trust you lol] Jimmy: [when I'm like who's around that you can use as an excuse to do what you really want lol] Janis: [there'd be people and that was my shameless vibe 'cos no going back if it happened when you were alone] Jimmy: [just really intensely kiss her in between saying how sorry you are then boy, I insist] Janis: [so about it there's no denying] Jimmy: [thank god they can forget because drunk if we need them to because DAMN] Janis: [god damn x3] Jimmy: [also thank god he's wearing more clothes than her because once again she's basically in the same boat as on school trip and they're just dry humping all over everything so casually] Janis: [put some more clothes on hoe lol but never do and seriously, this is enough of a show without how bad you wanna go further] Jimmy: [a hoe never gets cold especially in April] Janis: [it's basically Summer lmao] Jimmy: [they should go back to the art room at some point if they can ever find chill for a paint fight cos they wearing black it'd be 🎨] Janis: [that's a good idea] Jimmy: [I'm trying to think how they can lowkey trash the place and that seemed an obvious one] Janis: [I am down, if they ever stop lol] Jimmy: [which they won't for an age if ever lol] Janis: [how are we stopping y'all ahh] Jimmy: [someone could always basically fall on them cos drunk chaos] Janis: [that would work, break the spell casually] Jimmy: [especially if it's a heavy lad even you two can't just ignore that] Janis: [just 😒 but not at him so improvement lol] Jimmy: [don't fight him Jimothy just go have your paint fight and live your best life] Janis: [we all know you were very in the way lol] Jimmy: [as standard, so go handhold your way back to the art room as is also your standard] Janis: [being like 'which is yours?' like a parent coming to see your work on parents evening] Jimmy: [getting shy like] Janis: [squish.that.face 'go on' nudges him] Jimmy: [the most exasperated sigh ever like she is a parent suddenly lol] Janis: [walks around looking at the work herself like okay, okay, 'I'll work it out'] Jimmy: [shamelessly looking at her while she's checking out the 🎨] Janis: [when he's done enough doodles that you could pick them out but probably not 📷 'did I find them all?'] Jimmy: [just taking her to all the ones she didn't but he can't look at them because he's awks] Janis: [just approving like get it boy but silently and low-key 'cos not that bitch, turning round 'where do you sit then?' and sitting on his desk when he tells her] Jimmy: [sits on his chair so they're accidentally really close to each other] Janis: ['this is how porn starts' saying what we're all thinking] Jimmy: [loling] Janis: [😏 but tension] Jimmy: [😏 back forever] Janis: ['teach me then'] Jimmy: [gets out art supplies like a nerd] Janis: [buzzing like show me how to art] Jimmy: [what's a art thing he could teach her how to do? hmmmm] Janis: [thank god she's got some skillz even if drunk, don't wanna be tragically shit] Jimmy: [imagine, they'd be arguing again like immediately] Janis: [we don't need that tah] Jimmy: [christ knows what he's teaching her but it's a moment] Janis: [obviously gonna involve paint and obviously gonna splodge a bit on his cute concentration face to start this paint war] Jimmy: [get her back on her 😏 face because she would be and we all know] Janis: [I wish pinterest would come through for this but I already know lol] Jimmy: [I will look but they won't even serve me an outfit for him so probably not gonna happen] Janis: [exactly dr phil] Jimmy: [on the one hand I want other peeps to show up so they can attack them but on the other I don't because just jj things] Janis: [we probably should to avoid another Moment TM] Jimmy: [yeah at least when there's at least a couple of other people around we can pretend it's fake, there's no going back otherwise] Janis: [we can feel it coming lads] Jimmy: [so can they and that's the tea] Janis: [mhmm mhmm] Jimmy: [you deserve this carefree paint fight and ensuing makeout lads, shit is gonna hit the fan soon enough] Janis: [what kind of fallout should we do?] Jimmy: [that's a good question cos we know Ian is gonna 🥊 but yeah we need to decide how hard to go with everyone else] Janis: [like assuming the police get called to shut this down, I reckon you'd just get a warning/or maybe a community service vibe, that could be fun to do actually] Jimmy: [LIKE IN STEP UP but obvs not at all because they ain't cleaning no dance school but yass I like that idea] Janis: ['cos then even if Ian is like can't see that girl again they still will 'cos gotta go do this lol] Jimmy: [exactly and school will have to start eventually so you can't stop him then even if they get put in isolation or whatever they'll still find a way] Janis: [the rom and jules of it all] Jimmy: [you'll enjoy that both of yous] Janis: [not that you'll enjoy being separated the rest of the time 'cos so highkey heheheh] Jimmy: [though I'll enjoy not having to think of ways to cockblock you all the time] Janis: [just parents being parents 'cos you broke into and trashed your school lol] Jimmy: [this'll be a good reason for cali/the fam not to like him cos that was the vibe for why she had to invite him round to dinner remember when] Jimmy: [even though they would've totally done this when they were younger bye] Janis: [exactly yo, and likewise doesn't listen to them anyway so it's as much of a cockblock and not as we need so] Jimmy: [is there anything else you wanna do/have them say to each other before we 👮🚓?] Janis: [hmmm we've covered a lot of emotional ground I feel so we're probs good?] Jimmy: [I'm good with that]

[defunctblogtobedeleted]

4/18/17 6:36am - changes

God DAYUM it’s fucking gorgeous outside right now. I could get ussssed to this.

So obviously I didn’t find time to catch up while I was at Dar’s this weekend. Ended up grinding another like 15 hours of BOTW and got a fuckton of sleep and ate a quart of ice cream. it was spectacular.

General update - Dieting had a relapse this weekend for easter, but I hit another benchmark when I weighed in on Friday. 139.8! Finallllly cracked that mark. Gained back up to 144.8 this weekend but that’s just food weight. I’m fucking pumped! Only gotta get down to like 135 and then I can gain back up to where I am now and it’ll be fucking perfect. I look beautiful. My hair lightened up a little at the beach, too, pretty gorgeous lol. Smoking a lot these past two weeks though. Gotta take better care of my teeth to make up for all the candy too. 

So I guess I’ll start with work. Tony dropped a bomb on me two weeks ago that they were moving forward with the Burlington location and that I would be moving there, possibly permanently. Much to my chagrin if I want to drive to work from home I now have an hour long commute, and no pay raise, AND my work days are switching to Thursday, Friday, Saturday. It blows. Went into a little mini depression that my social life was ending, had to cancel a bunch of weekend plans coming up, and fretting about all the gas money I’m gonna be spending and shit. It sucks. I’m at least trying to get compensated for my gas, hopefully for my commute to work, too. That would be fucking sweet. And working alone will be p cool too, hopefully the office will be isolated enough from the patients that I can get a cube setup in there and grind out some solo practice.

But tbh I’ve been kinda taking it easy from melee the past three weeks. This thursday I didn’t even go to the tournament because I slept through it lmao. The week before was sweet though, played dubz with Slip and pocketed $25 for winning the tournament. Money in the bank, pimpin ain’t easy. Then Saturday I played a little mini tourney at Chi’s and me and Jimmy tied for first in a teams round robin. Got kinda bodied in singles though, Had a decently close set with Chi that I flubbed. But really I’ve been focusing on BOTW it’s no skin off my back. Kinda happy to have the break for my hands.

Anyway so I’m fretting about this job change when Ashleigh hits me up out of nowhere. She had been catching up on my blog (shouts out) and wanted to hang out. So friday we went on like a friend date kinda deal, I met her new guy, we got these delicious tacos, played some Magic, and hit up Boxcar. Wish the gun for House of the Dead 2 hadn’t been broken, would’ve loved to kick the shit out of that game again. And then like a deus ex machina, we’re chatting about work and shit, I mention this job change, and she says that I’m welcome to crash on her pullout couch any time I have work. Fucking amazing, at least the commute will only be 30 mins instead of 60. And I’ll get to hang out in gboro more, too. Excited for a change in scenery.

This date I had for that night (herpes girl) flaked, which was perfect because I forgot it was board game night, and I stayed up late hanging out w/ Broscious and Jonny and Irene and Joe. Pretty excellent. Wish broscious had gotten high with me but so it goes lmaooo. one day.

So I went on a date with the herpes girl saturday after the chi tournament instead. (probably played worse since I was trying to dip to see her too lmaoo) Probably shouldn’t keep calling her herpes girl but it really doesn’t matter. She was supppper nice, and we got along kinda well, but we had like Noooothing in common. Outdoorsy type vs me. I was getting this weird vibe from her fairy sleeve tattoo, like it was some kind of message. Looked just like something Darlin would have in her house, but reminded me of my mom lol. Idk so she was nice and all, and her body was rockin, but she had this butterface of an old lady I swear it was so weird lol. We smoked and watched some rick and morty and played some botw but she couldn’t do anything with a controller to save her life. Said she liked the show a ton and wanted ot keep binging it, but it kept bothering me that she was like laughing at the wrong times and shit. Like she didn’t get the jokes or something but knew it was humorous hahaha. So we like made out a little that night and I got to second base and nothing more like we had agreed, and it’s probably all for the best tbh.

Anyway it made me realize that I’m done dating for a bit. I’m sick of trying to meet people and catch them up with my nerdy shit. I don’t want to binge rick and morty again, I want to jump into shouting in jokes at each other lol. I don’t have the patience for it anymore. So I’m just taking a break. Especially while I have the chance to get my finances straight (they’re doing excellent) and I don’t have free time on the weekends anymore now anyway. Rip.

Then last sunday I got to chill out with Dan, was pretty great. 

Worked an extra shift Friday to help Jaime and then headed out to Dar and Pa’s. They made me a ton of food, they took me out to sushi, I got to lounge around til monday, it was wonderful. 

So now I’m almost done with BOTW finally. Almost all the armor is upgraded, I’ve got all the shrines, done enough of the side quests to be satisfied enough I think. Might try to do a few more horse things but yeah I’m like getting ready to finish this weekend. In perfect to train up for my last thursday maylay. On 4/20 no less, it’s gonna be sweet. Gonna team with either Ian or Jimmy, too, I’m pumped. 

Jimmy and I talk like all the time about BOTW and dating and shit. I’ve been feeling a little lonely lately, thinking bullshit like I’ve been kinda lacking a best friend, and moping that I really lost that hard when Christina and Manu had to start doing baby stuff, Oliver moved back to Charlotte, and Kailey exited stage left. I guess Jimmy is probably my best friend right now? Maybe just the gang as a collective, but I don’t really Talk to them about stuff with them I just spend the most time with them.  But what hanging out with Ashleigh did was alleviate all of that. I feel great, my friends care a fuckton about me and I care a fuckton about them. She said she wanted to do good on promising to buy me drinks and make me feel pretty and goddamn did she ever lol. Nice that things weren’t awkward at all now that we’re just friends, really excited to spend more time with her.

Ok whew I feel like I just shotgunned all my thoughts hopefully I got everything. Working in burlington should be weird, dunno when I’ll update next but you’ll hear from me when ya hear from me.

Oh and I talked to Tessa on Easter w/ dar on facetime. She’s doing this crazy ass coconut diet, hasn’t eaten real food in like a month. Made me feel like a fucking baby that whenever I smoked the past week and a half I started feeling horrified like I was starving to death. I’d start feeling my wrist and be like “OMG IS IT SUPPOSED to BE THIS BONY??” and just get in my head until I went out and ate something lmao.

But I feel really content rn. Super satisfied even though things are taking a not-too-sharp right turn. Super satisfied with myself even though I’m not chasing tail. Reeeally excited to finally finish my game and start training to kick some ass at melee again. Gotta get some more combo vid material before the season’s over, I’ve got some dubz shit that’s gonna go in that’s pretty fucking fire. 

Anyway, peace. Gonna enjoy this second weekend with a snap and some BOTW.