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blossom-hwa · 20 days

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a very fine line, indeed [2] | c.bg

pairing: Beomgyu x fem!reader genre: fluff, angst, enemies to lovers, regency era!au, nobility!au warnings: cursing, period typical misogyny word count: 9.3k notes: — updates every M/W/F at 8pm EST until the series finishes — inspiration taken from an amalgamation of different bridgerton stories - let me know what easter eggs you find! — story takes place in the same universe as my duke!yeonjun and earl!taehyun fics - check out the link to the series below for some more easter eggs :) In a society where it only takes a year for a young woman in search of a husband to be considered out of season, it is no wonder that by your third year out, you are desperate to marry. Known as one of the beauties of the ton, such a task should not be difficult for you—but with an absent father, no dowry, and a reputation centered around your inability to keep your mouth shut around one certain Beomgyu Choi, your prospects are more limited than you’d like. While you cannot recover your family or your wealth, however, the one thing you can try to control is your reputation. So when the third season rolls around, you resolve to keep your distance from Beomgyu Choi, your childhood enemy, and the man you hate most in the world. Enter Beomgyu Choi, second son of the Kensington Viscountcy, one of the most eligible bachelors in the ton. His older brother, cousin, and good friend have all recently married, leaving the mamas to salivate at his doorstep for the chance of marrying one of their daughters to him. When Beomgyu walks in on a particularly traumatizing moment between you and one of the most unsavory men in the ton and learns of your desperation to marry, despite your history of enmity, he proposes you a devious deal—to pretend to court you. It seems like a winning situation for both of you—more gentlemen will take notice of you, enhancing your prospects, and he will have the ton’s mamas off his back—and so, despite your misgivings, you agree. With you hell bent on marriage and Beomgyu completely indifferent to the concept, even independent of your hatred for each other, it seems unlikely that any sort of true affection will bloom. But as you begrudgingly put aside your differences to spend more and more time in one another’s company, and as you grow to know each other beyond your ill-conceived preconceptions from childhood, you begin to realize that perhaps you two have more in common than you had once thought. And as your faked acquaintanceship becomes more truth than fiction, a friendship beginning to bloom most unexpectedly— Perhaps you no longer need to convince the ton of the veracity of your courtship, because anyone with eyes can see that it is true. Part 1 >> Part 2 >> Part 3

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Beomgyu might have to go down in history as one of the great geniuses of the century, because it is no exaggeration to say that his plan is working splendidly. This isn’t to say there haven’t been a few hiccups—you’ve had to get used to telling your cover story to different people, not to mention having to learn to tolerate one other’s presences for hours at a time, which was no small feat for either of you. For the first few days there were more people than ever trying to get your and his attention because apparently the sight of you two together was just too bizarre to comprehend. Whistledown herself expressed her astonishment for two entire paragraphs in her gossip column, which did give him a good laugh. Overall, though, especially now that those first hellish days are over, Beomgyu feels that the results now far outweigh the initial complications.

And results there are, even after just a week of pretending to court you. Mostly for him—at the last ball, after the news of this new relationship had spread, only perhaps a third of the mamas from before kept trying to hog his attention. With some luck, in a couple of weeks, even those will disappear too.

Though there have been results for you too. At that very same ball, after dancing with you not once but twice (following the proper protocol of ninety minutes between each dance, of course), Beomgyu could point out no less than three of his gentleman peers eyeing you in a different light. And for all of your skepticism, when he pointed it out, you had to admit he was right.

Ha. When this is over, Beomgyu will just have to rub this success in your face every time you meet, just to see your teeth grind in that amusing way of yours.

The two of you are promenading in the park today. It is not the sunniest of afternoons, with several grey clouds drifting slowly across the sky, but there is a nice breeze in the air and Beomgyu likes the way it feels against his skin, cool and refreshing compared to the crowded ballrooms. This is nicer than he thought it would be, really. Not just the weather, but you on his arm as well. When you decide to be civil, you can be a strangely pleasant presence.

He would die before admitting this, of course.

On Beomgyu’s arm, you’re also looking at the sky. “This is strange,” you say.

He blinks. “Strange how?”

“It’s a nice day and I’m promenading in the park with a gentleman and that gentleman is you,” you state plainly. “I never really thought this would happen.”

Beomgyu frowns. “You’ve never gone promenading before?”

“With my family, many times. With suitors, perhaps once or twice. Maybe three times.” You shrug. “My family doesn’t have much money, Mr. Choi. I know it can be difficult to look past my radiant exterior, but once they remember my background and lack of dowry, it is a bit harder to forget.”

Radiant exterior. Beomgyu wants to roll his eyes. Sure, you are beautiful and it’s not something anyone would deny, but you could stand to maintain a humbler image, even if it isn’t quite truthful. “Men are very easily blinded by pretty things, though,” he says, snickering when you roll your own eyes. “I really do find it hard to believe that you have not had a proposal from anyone better than Mr. Thompson.”

“Oh, so you think that I’m pretty?”

Beomgyu gives you the stink eye in response to your mocking grin. “Your beauty is well known throughout the ton, Miss L/N,” he deadpans. “I would be in extremely poor taste if I did not acknowledge it.”

“That is true,” you say, adopting a supercilious expression that Beomgyu almost wants to laugh at. “But...well, I have had one other proposal. It was much less offensive than Mr. Thompson’s. I would rather go insane than marry him,” you add, and this time Beomgyu does give in to the urge to laugh. “Don’t spread the word, for he is now happily married and I do not wish to embarrass him but…Lord Kierston.” You sigh and your gaze turns a little regretful. “Maybe I should have said yes.”

Beomgyu stares. “…The man is at least twice your age. And his breath smells rotten.”

“That is true.” A flicker of a smile shows on your lips, just like the night of that first ball, but before Beomgyu can really catch it, it disappears immediately. “But for all his rotten breath, at least he wouldn’t assault me.”

Beomgyu instantly feels like a jackass. “I apologize. That was insensitive of me.”

“Don’t apologize.” You look at him with half a smile on your face. “If I were in your place I probably would have said the same thing, and then had the exact same reaction.”

The two of you walk in silence for a few moments. “Maybe that’s why we have never gotten along,” Beomgyu finally muses aloud.

You look at him, an eyebrow raised. “Why?”

“We’re too much alike,” he replies, smirking. “And because we are the type to butt heads at the slightest invitation, we butt heads with each other far too often.”

“Never compare me to you again.” You shudder. “But I can concede that there might be some truth to your statement.”

“Don’t make that face, you should be honored to be compared to me.” Beomgyu snickers as you roll your eyes again. “But no, in all seriousness, you might not want to make that face. There is a group of men observing you beyond those trees.”

Beomgyu marvels at how quickly you rearrange your features into a pleasant mask, placid and pretty and bland, nothing like the scowls he usually finds himself on the receiving end of. If he didn’t know you he’d say you were the picture of a perfect debutante. You look up at him with a lovely little smile, batting your eyelids just so as your fan flutters gently in your hand, and for just a moment Beomgyu finds himself at a loss for words.

“What say you?” you whisper, oblivious to his current predicament. “Do I look like I’m actually enjoying your presence?”

He coughs. “Unfortunately, yes,” he says, because he can currently form only two coherent words without needing to choke. He clears his throat slightly. “Christ, where did you learn to playact so well?”

You look around with that same little genuine-but-not smile. It is so unsettling to see that on your face. “Well, when the people around you don’t care much for your wit or sarcasm in favor of your beauty, you find ways to lean into it.” You turn back to him with a meaningful expression. “Only I’m not quite so adept at holding up the façade when it comes to things I dislike.”

Beomgyu squints, affronted. “Did you just refer to me as a thing?”

“Apologies, my lord. Even I couldn’t be so demeaning.” You flash him a brighter, far more sarcastic smile that looks so much more genuine than before, and that he finds much easier to stomach. “Allow me to correct myself. I’m not quite so adept at holding up facades when it comes to things and people I dislike.”

“Well, you’re doing quite an admirable job now,” Beomgyu mutters, casting a wary glance at the group of men. “They seem quite interested in you.” He peers at you, narrowing his eyes just a touch too much to be sincere. “Where did you learn to bat your eyes like that? You almost look normal.”

You glare at him for a split second before returning to your previous serene expression. “It’s a skill all ladies eventually acquire,” you snip back. “You men are very simple. Very weak to perceived beauty.” As if to accentuate your point, you flutter your fan ever so gracefully to coquettishly hide your face.

Beomgyu raises an amused eyebrow. “Are we truly so simple as that?”

“Of course you are. You said so yourself, earlier.” You snort, then cast a glance over the small group naturally, so naturally. “Lord Fife, is it not?” you say out of the corner of your mouth, giving them a little wave. To Beomgyu’s disgust, one of them actually looks a little starstruck. “And his usual group of friends.”

“I believe so.” He looks away from the scene. They are not the best group of people in the ton, but a far sight better than the likes of Mr. Thompson. “One of them looks quite entranced by you.”

A small snort puffs out of your nose. Against his will, Beomgyu almost finds it endearing. “He might be starstruck, but his mother gave me the cut direct once when she found out I had no dowry.” You roll your eyes, but your smile has dimmed. “I won’t say it is hopeless, but his mother isn’t the type to allow her son to marry someone like me. At least not without a fight.”

“Then he should grow a spine and stand up to her, if he really wanted you,” Beomgyu mutters. You look at him sharply, eyes narrowed, but before he can try to decipher your expression his eye catches on a familiar couple in the distance and he blanches. “Oh, God.”

You follow his gaze and react equally as badly. “Why did you not tell me they’d be here?” you hiss.

“Does it look like I knew they would?” he hisses back.

Fast approaching the two of you are Soobin and his wife. Unfortunately for Beomgyu, Soobin is his damn brother and his wife is, if he remembers correctly, one of your good friends. Soobin decided to stay in the country for a couple weeks longer than Beomgyu did so he hasn’t been around to ask questions, but apparently that respite is gone now too. “Just remember the cover story,” he mutters.

“You remember the cover story,” you snipe back. “I know it just fine.”

He wants to retort but Soobin is waving, which means Beomgyu has to acknowledge his brother’s presence. He pastes a smile onto his face, making it as phony as possible. “Good afternoon,” he says with false cheerfulness, shooting his brother a look. “Soobin, I didn’t know you would be back today.”

“We only returned a few hours ago,” Soobin replies, smiling brightly at Beomgyu’s nonplussed expression. “My wife and I wanted some fresh air after so long spent in the carriage, so we came out for a walk. And what good fortune—” his gaze slides to you somewhat warily— “to see the two of you here.”

“It is lovely to see you,” you say prettily, bobbing a little curtsy. “Especially you, Lady Choi.” The two of you smile brightly at each other, and Beomgyu is once again privy to a side of you that has never appeared before him. “How was the country?”

“Most refreshing, though I suppose it is good to be back in town,” Lady Choi answers for the two of them. Beomgyu fakes a gag at Soobin’s doe-eyed expression of bliss when he turns to his wife, which earns him a pinch from you. “Might I ask…” Her eyes turn curious as she gestures to the two of you. “When did this happen? Certainly we have not missed so much in just a few weeks.”

“You did miss quite a bit, unfortunately,” you reply. Your face betrays no fear but Beomgyu feels your grip tighten on his arm. With his own heart beating a little faster than usual, he honestly welcomes it. “Quite a few things happen in the span of weeks.”

Lady Choi looks at you, nonplussed. “With all due respect to you both, this—” she waves a hand at the two of you again—“is not something that could have happened in just a week or two.”

If only you knew.

Judging by the tightness of your arm in his, your thoughts are the same, but when you look up at him with a pleasant smile, Beomgyu is certain he would never be able to tell by looking at your face alone. “Well, you are correct. This didn’t happen overnight.” You laugh so naturally, with just the right hint of shyness and embarrassment that one would expect from your enemies to courtship situation. “Last summer, we agreed that our…ongoing feud was too childish to continue. So we decided to finally put it behind us.”

“Yes,” Beomgyu jumps in. As well as you are handling the situation, he can’t exactly leave you to do everything alone. “We began exchanging letters shortly after.” Thank God he’d gotten into the habit of writing regular correspondence with Kai and Taehyun over the past year, or else Soobin would smell a rat immediately. “And when the season came…well, we decided to see how a courtship would work between the two of us.”

“I see,” Soobin says slowly, looking between the two of you. “And how exactly is it working?”

You shrug with the perfect amount of levity. Again, Beomgyu is in unfortunate awe at how well you act. Maybe it is a good thing you can’t hold yourself back when it comes to dislike or aggravation—otherwise, you would be unsettlingly perfect. “Well enough.”

“Well, it is good to see my good friend and brother in law finally getting along.” Lady Choi claps her hands together, smile bright, hopefully oblivious to Beomgyu privately wanting to gag. “We shall have to have the two of you over sometime, shouldn’t we, Soobin?”

“Of course we should,” Soobin agrees with a little too much enthusiasm. Beomgyu’s heart spasms unsteadily as his brother smiles at him cryptically. “I suppose our teasing last season about you finding your lady love in your own sworn enemy did have some level of truth to it?”

You look at him curiously, something mischievously dangerous glinting in your eyes. Beomgyu does not look back at you. “I suppose it did,” he replies through mildly gritted teeth.

“Well, we will not keep you any longer,” Lady Choi says with a smile that leaves Beomgyu—and you, if your expression is anything to go by—a little warier than before. “Soobin, let’s leave the young couple to their promenade. Us married folks can’t relate to them, nowadays.” Ignoring your sputters of “you are hardly three years older than me!”, she tucks her arm merrily into Soobin’s and leads him away, though Soobin sends Beomgyu one last meaningful glance before he allows himself to be dragged off.

You and Beomgyu travel on sedately for a few steps before Beomgyu casts a glance backward and says, “We’re safe.”

Immediately you let out a massive sigh, and your grip on his arm loosens significantly. Christ, he hadn’t realized you were holding onto him so tightly until you let go. “That was not in my hand of cards for today,” you mutter. “Though perhaps it is better we got that out of the way sooner rather than later.” You look at him. “Do you think they believed us?”

“If they don’t, it will have not been any fault of yours,” he answers frankly. He’s loath to admit it, but it’s true. “You acted very well.”

Your mouth opens in surprise. “Well, thank you,” you reply slowly, like you’re not quite sure what to make of his words. Beomgyu privately feels the same way, but he also feels the need to give credit where credit is due, so he shoves the strangeness of the feeling away to process later. Maybe never. “I could say the same for you.”

“Thank you,” he says, still feeling slightly off-kilter for whatever reason. It’s probably just the conversation with Soobin. Then he groans. “Did she say they’d invite us to dinner?”

You sigh. “Unfortunately, I think she did.” You mutter something under your breath in addition that Beomgyu doesn’t really hear. He catches something that sounds like evil friends, though, and decides that he probably agrees with your sentiment. “Anyway, what did Lord Choi say about last season? Something about teasing you about your worst enemy?” You narrow your eyes, evil amusement glinting in your eyes. “I am assuming he spoke of me.”

“Oh, that.” Beomgyu silently curses his brother for being the annoyance that he is. “If you must know, my friends decided to take our disagreements out of context and thought that because I had never paid more attention to a woman in my life, I must actually be in love with you, otherwise I’d never have held on to this grudge for as long as I have.”

For a moment, you remain silent. Then you burst into hysterical laughter.

Beomgyu watches, bemused, as you hide behind your fan, still trembling with giggles as he continues to lead you forward. “I didn’t think it was that funny,” he mutters when you eventually start to calm down.

“Oh, but it is hilarious.” You wipe a tear from your eye, the last few rounds of laughter still shaking your chest. “You, being in love with me because we disagree so often? Tell me, are your friends quite all right in the head? Perhaps I should ask Lady Choi to get her husband checked.”

“Well, I would agree with you on that front.” Beomgyu gives in to your amusement and cracks a smile. “But in their defense, I am almost certain they were joking.”

“Almost certain.” You snort, looking up at him with a sardonic half-smile that looks so much more natural than the pretty, placid expression you had on earlier. “Well, good thing their delusion isn’t true, because that would be simply absurd.”

Despite himself, Beomgyu returns your conspiratorial smile. How ironic it is that he feels much closer to you in this moment, sharing this secret and laughing at his friends, than any other time before. “You’re right,” he agrees, snickering. “It would be absolutely absurd.”

. . . . .

Dry the linens, scrub pots, clean the kitchen… You hurry down the corridors of your home, listing your tasks over and over so you won’t forget. Last time you missed something, your stepmother slapped you hard across the face. She’s been doing that more often lately—frustrated at your lack of marriage prospects, you think, even though you’d think that having to heal from her bruising you black and blue would only hurt your chances even more. It’s a small miracle that the scratch mark from her ring healed enough for you to hide before the next ball you were set to attend.

“Here, let me help with that, Miss L/N.” A familiar voice sounds by your ear, and then your load lightens as a pair of hands takes half the linens out of your tub. “Drying, right?”

You shoot Soyoung a very grateful smile. “Yes. And how many times have I told you to call me by my name?” you scold. “It’s awfully stuffy to hear you call me that—we can be casual together.”

“Even though your stepmother may not treat you like it, you are still a lady of the house,” Soyoung retorts. The two of you exit the house into the fresh air of the garden. “I will not disrespect you or myself by behaving otherwise.”

“Come now, Soyoung,” you beseech as the two of you pull one of the linens out of the tubs. Each holding one end, you begin twisting to get as much of the water out as possible. “You must admit that it’s a bit awkward for me to call you by your name when you won’t do the same for me.” Which is true, and which is why you’ve brought the topic up time and time again even though Soyoung—and the other servants’—response is always the same.

You’ve managed to squeeze most of the water out of the sheet by now, so you toss it over one of the drying lines hanging outside. Soyoung helps you pull it flat on both sides until it hangs properly, then looks at you with more solemnity than you’ve ever seen on her face. “My lady, I and the staff respect you,” she says seriously. “Not because we are required to, like with your stepmother, but because you have always been good and kind to us even before she started ordering you around like one of us. Thus, I must show you the respect we would give the lady of the house.” She huffs. “You shouldn’t even have to do any of this, yet you handle everything without complaint on top of all your own embroidery and mending—”

You clap a hand over her mouth. Then you wince, because your hands are still wet. “Shh,” you hiss, searching the garden. No sign of your stepmother, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t near. “Not too loudly.”

Soyoung gulps when you release her. “Of course. I apologize.”

“It’s all right.” You smile. “And I must apologize for pushing you so hard on the matter of my name. If you truly feel this way, I shall not try to move you any further.”

She smiles back, and the two of you begin on another one of the sheets. “Thank you, my lady.”

Water drips on the grass, dotting the hem of your dress and seeping into the cracks on your hands. You keep a smile on your face as Soyoung chatters on about some gossip she heard from other servants in town, but inside you can’t help but feel a little more alone. It is true you have friends, both in the noble sphere and among your fellow servants, but with your in-between status as half a lady, half a servant, you can’t help but wonder where you stand. Your noble friends do not know of your home situation. Your servant friends do, but while they laugh and joke around you more easily than most, there is still a status difference.

You sigh. If it wouldn’t bring the worst of your family’s financial troubles to light, you might tell Lady Choi. But being worked as a servant would bring even worse ridicule to yourself than your lack of a dowry—not to mention there's not a single man in the ton who would deign to marry a servant, even half a servant like you. If you want to leave this house, you need to marry, so no one can know your situation...but it doesn’t mean you don’t feel alone.

“Oh!” Soyoung’s exclamation jolts you out of your brief wallow in self-pity. “I heard something about you, my lady.” Suddenly her face is in front of yours, her dark eyes wide with curiosity and mischief. “Is it true that Mr. Choi is courting you?”

“What—” You choke on air and start coughing.

“My lady?” Soyoung pats your back, but she’s far too gentle for it to actually do anything. “Are you all right?”

“Quite,” you manage, holding out a hand. You wheeze out a few more coughs before you can finally look at her. “What did you ask me, again?”

She looks at you with wide, eager eyes. “Is it true that Mr. Choi is courting you?”

Good God. Well, you should have expected it. If the nobles are talking about it, the servants most definitely are. They hear far more than anyone ever expects—many times you’ve learned things about society that you never wanted to know from Soyoung and the others. You sigh. “It’s not quite true,” you hedge. Not the truth, but not a lie either. “We patched our relationship, somewhat. And so we decided to see what would come of a courtship. Do not misunderstand things,” you warn when Soyoung’s smile grows too bright. “I don’t know what will come of it. Neither of us does.”

Soyoung’s shoulders slump. “Oh. I see.” She looks up at you. “Forgive me, my lady. I was only…I was so happy when I heard he might have an interest in you. I know you have had your disagreements in the past, but whenever I have seen him he has always been a kind man. I thought the two of you could be quite happy together.”

Damn. Now you feel like you’ve kicked a puppy. Even though Soyoung’s interpretation of the situation is almost laughable—how could you and Mr. Choi be happy together? Even now you still have to keep yourself from hissing obscenities at him every time you see him—but she’s still your friend and only wants your happiness. “I mean, we don’t know how things will proceed,” you say, hanging up the second sheet. “Anything could happen.“ A gust of wind blows the still damp cloth onto your face. “Ugh—”

“Miss L/N!”

You flail around for a moment before you manage to tug the wet sheet off your face. “Huh? Brighton?”

Your family butler always looks put together, but for the first time ever, you detect a hint of panic in his eyes. “My lady,” he says. “Mr. Choi has come to call on you.”

. . .

You never thought you could get cleaned and dressed so quickly.

In all honesty, you’re not sure what happened over the past twenty minutes. It was a whirlwind of activity—Soyoung nearly choked, Brighton said something about telling Mr. Choi you were out, and then Soyoung was dragging you back into the house via the kitchen all the while hissing something like you said he wasn’t really courting you! Then somehow you were smuggled to your room and Soyoung had pulled out a dress and Sabine popped out of nowhere to pick out your accessories and then you were being dragged out of the house again through the servants’ quarters to make it look like you just arrived back from town—

And now you are in your own drawing room, still processing the events of the past half hour with Mr. Choi standing in front of you, flowers in hand.

“Miss L/N,” he says, bowing slightly as he extends the flowers to you. “A pleasure to see you today.”

You take the bouquet with numb fingers. “And a pleasure to see you as well.” Thankfully, the practiced words roll off your tongue easily even in your frazzled state. “Thank you for the flowers. I hope I didn’t leave you waiting too long.”

“Not long at all,” he replies smoothly. “I understand you were in town?”

“Oh, yes. I was trying to find some…” You rack your mind for something to say that might be believable, painfully aware of the growing silence. “Gloves,” you finally blurt out, looking down at the thin cloth covering your hands. You just mended them yesterday, and thank God for that. “Please, do sit down,” you say, wincing internally at Mr. Choi’s lingering glance on your hands, and the slightly raised eyebrow he shows you as he sits on the couch. “I’m not quite sure where my stepmother is, but Brighton should serve as an adequate chaperone until—”

“Y/N.” Your stepmother’s voice rings sharply from the corridor and in your surprise, you flinch. Mr. Choi looks at you sharply, a strange expression on his face—concern? Strange indeed, coming from him—but you’ve already schooled your features into what you hope is a bland, pleasant façade. Her footsteps echo ominously on the floor as her voice grows louder. “Why do I hear you in the drawing room? I thought I told you to—”

“My lady.” Brighton cuts in, saving you from a near panic attack. “A Mr. Choi has come to call.”

“A caller?” Her voice suddenly switches from its previous cold tones to the much silkier, smoother voice she uses in society. You look down to see your hands clutching your gown far too tightly and force yourself to release them. The footsteps get faster. “For my Y/N?”

My Y/N. You barely manage not to gag. Though apparently you don’t quite hide it well enough, because Mr. Choi looks at you even more closely. “Miss L/N,” he murmurs, and you can see that there is real concern in his eyes. “Are you all right?”

Fortunately—or unfortunately, really—you’re saved from having to give him a coherent response when your mother sweeps into the room. You’ve always marveled at how she is able to keep her snooty, evil countenance at bay whenever she is in the presence of company. You’re no blood relation of hers, but the sickening thought occurs to you that you may have learned a thing or two about switching faces from her. “Mr. Choi,” she says warmly, like she didn’t yell at you for hours earlier this morning about not having the drawing room dusted quickly enough. “I apologize for not being here to welcome you in.”

The two of you stand. “Do not worry at all, my lady.” Mr. Choi bows slightly, the smile returned to his face. “Your daughter did the job admirably.”

“Of course she did.” She spares you the briefest of glances—good, because you wouldn’t be able to continue smiling if she decided to look right at you—and gestures for you to sit down again. “Please, do not stand on my account. I will have someone bring in biscuits. Y/N, how could you have forgotten to give our guest some refreshment?” And with that parting jab, she whisks out of the room, leaving you feeling murderous and somewhat lightheaded all at once.

Mr. Choi looks after her a moment, then turns to you. “Your stepmother,” he says, looking vaguely bemused. He clearly doesn’t know what to say. If you weren’t still struggling to breathe normally, you’d laugh at him.

Unfortunately, your conversational skills seem to have been swept away by your stepmother’s arrival, so all you can do is echo his words. “Yes,” you say. “My stepmother.”

You lapse into awkward silence that you don’t know how to break. Even yelling would be better than this dead quiet, but you don’t know how to break it. Eventually Beomgyu clears his throat. “Miss L/N, are you sure this is a good time?” he asks quietly. “I can call another day if it would suit you better.”

You glance at the clock. It has hardly been five minutes since you entered the room, and for all you dislike him, you feel bad turning him away this early, especially after he waited for so long. Also, your stepmother might yell at you for chasing away yet another suitor who might take you off her hands. But keeping him longer means less time that you have for finishing your chores, not to mention that you’re starting to get a headache…

Well, if your stepmother is displeased with you, she’ll end up giving you more chores and maybe a slap to boot. You can stomach Mr. Choi for a short while longer. Besides, it will at least keep up your pretense of courtship. Aware of all the servants’ eyes in the room, and aware that they truly believe you and Mr. Choi to be courting, you manage to paste a small smile on your lips. “No, don’t leave so soon.” You force the smile a little wider. “My stepmother has already gone to find you some refreshment—you must not leave without having tried them first.” You lean closer, lowering your voice as though to tell him a secret. “Our cook’s butter biscuits are the best.”

Mr. Choi scrutinizes you for a long moment, during which you try your best to decipher what his expression means to no avail. “Very well,” he says finally with a soft smile to mirror your own and even though you know he dislikes you, in this moment, he seems very genuine. For some idiotic reason this threatens to bring tears to your eyes but you manage to push them back. “For the butter biscuits, I will stay.”

You manage to make some small talk until there’s a commotion in the hall. Your stepmother appears in the doorway, looking harried and vaguely annoyed, and you see the reason when your little sister blinks her mischievous eyes behind her mother. “Delia, no,” she hisses, as a servant maneuvers a tray of biscuits around the two of them. “It is not proper!”

“But I want to see Y/N and her suitor!” Delia cries. Despite the situation, you smile. “You said I could be there when I was older, it’s not fair—”

“Please don’t have her leave on my account,” Mr. Choi interrupts. You look at him in surprise, but he’s already smiling warmly at your younger sister. “Delia, is it?” he asks, holding out his hands.

For all her previous bravado, Delia shuffles forward somewhat shyly, shrinking away slightly when Mr. Choi takes her little hands. “Hello,” she mumbles.

You pat her head gently. “Mr. Choi, please meet my younger sister, Delia.” You smile at her. “Introduce yourself, Delia.”

Not for the first time, you have to hide how adorable you find your little sister as she looks up at Mr. Choi with her big, soft eyes. “My name is Delia,” she whispers.

“A pleasure to meet you. That is a lovely name,” Mr. Choi says, and he sounds perfectly sincere. For a moment you hold as still as you can just to take in the picture of his soft smile directed right at your sister, his large hands holding her small ones, her wide eyes blinking trustingly into his. It’s a strange portrait, but a surprisingly lovely one. “How old are you, Delia?”

“Ten,” she whispers.

“Almost eleven,” you add. “Her birthday will be in a few months.”

“A very good age to be.” Mr. Choi nods approvingly.

Delia blinks, her face solemn. “Are you going to marry my sister?” she asks.

You choke. So does Mr. Choi. Someone hands the two of you some water and your stepmother steps in, her lips pinched in disapproval as she makes apologies and tries to take Delia away, but Mr. Choi waves her off. “Well, nothing is set in stone yet,” he says conversationally, though you still detect some redness in his cheeks. “But if all goes well, it is possible.”

Your sister nods solemnly. “I see.”

“I apologize, Mr. Choi, but this really isn’t proper.” Your stepmother takes Delia by the hand and tugs her away. “Delia, come back to the nursery. You can play with your brother there.”

You have to stifle a laugh when Delia starts complaining that Henry is annoying, that he’s boring and only ever wants to play with his toy soldiers, and when you look to Mr. Choi, he seems to be having trouble suppressing his smile, too. “She’s adorable,” he says when they’ve left the room.

“Very much so,” you agree. One of the few bright spots about your stepmother marrying your father. “You’re very good with children.”

“It depends on the child,” he says, and you almost snort. He gives you a half smile that doesn’t even look forced. “I jest. They are very interesting creatures, and see the world so differently from us jaded elders. They are very adorable, and I like them very much.”

This time, you can’t hold back your laugh. It’s a strange feeling, holding polite, natural conversation with Mr. Choi without it devolving into some argument, but you can’t say you don’t find it pleasant. You know that if he provoked you at this moment, you’d still rise to the bait in a second, but right now you can’t help but let your feelings toward him soften ever so slightly. “I do agree with you,” you say, smiling.

He looks at the clock, then, and turns back to you, looking vaguely put out. “I apologize, but I must go now,” he says, standing up. You follow suit. “I have an appointment with my family’s solicitor. But it was very good to see you, Miss L/N, and to meet your family.” He glances at the biscuits and smiles. “The butter biscuits were wonderful as well.”

You make your goodbyes, and then your stepmother comes in just in time to catch Mr. Choi before he’s fully out the door so she fusses over him some more. When he leaves, you try to sneak out of the room before she can start questioning you, but to no avail. “Y/N.”

You sigh, then turn around. “Yes?”

“Mr. Choi?” she states. Her eyes are narrow, flinty, sharp. “I was under the impression you disliked him.”

You hold yourself as still as possible. “Things change, Stepmother.”

For a long moment, you hold her gaze, saying nothing. She finally breaks the silence with a sharp tch. “Well, as long as he takes you off my hands, I don’t care what your relations with him are,” she says. “Take care not to sour them.” She sneers at you. “Now get back to your chores. You should be finished before our supper with the Haynesworths.”

Supper with the Haynesworths. As if the day could get any worse. You grit your teeth and nod, giving her a brief curtsy. If murder were legal… “Of course, Stepmother.”

. . . . .

If murder were legal, Beomgyu isn’t certain his brother would still be the heir. In his defense, Soobin would deserve it—no one so evil as to force his poor younger brother to attend the annual Smythe-Smith musicale with him is suited for the family title.

Unfortunately, murder isn’t legal, and honestly, Soobin’s own attendance at the dreaded musicale might be punishment enough for his crimes against Beomgyu. Why people still show up, Beomgyu has no idea—he suspects it has something to do with politeness—but one has to wonder how the Smythe-Smith family has gone generations without hearing a single comment about how truly little talent their daughters have. If the Smythe-Smiths weren’t so influential and kind, surely someone would have said something already.

They are just—terrible. Beomgyu himself is no musician but he can at least carry a tune. The Smythe-Smith girls don’t seem to even know what a tune is. According to Taehyun, who by unfortunate chance happened to be in town last year when the musicale took place, no one should be able to play a string instrument like that, all screechy and squeaky and off-tune. And yet, apparently, the tradition of Smythe-Smith daughters performing an annual quartet has continued for several generations.

They actually think that they are good.

All of which is to say that because Yeonjun has oh-so-regretfully cited baby related concerns as his reason not to attend this year, Soobin is forcing Beomgyu to go. And when Beomgyu pointed out that Taehyun was also attending, Taehyun immediately stated that because Kai wasn’t going to be there, Beomgyu would have to take his place. To share in the misery, or something like that.

(Beomgyu feels very bad for Taehyun’s wife. She’s never been to one of the musicales before and keeps asking how bad it really could be. Unfortunately for her ears, she is a world-renowned pianist, and Beomgyu isn’t certain she will come out of the musicale alive.)

Which is why on this fine evening, Beomgyu finds himself being dragged kicking and screaming to the Smythe-Smith’s grand London home. Soobin is extremely adamant in his philosophy of “if I have to suffer, so do you,” and his wife just likes to see the world burn—Beomgyu’s world, specifically. “I’m going to get you both back for this,” he mutters under his breath as they join the crowd thronging into the Smythe-Smith’s home.

“Did you say something, Beomgyu?” his sister in law asks sweetly, glancing back at him with a sickly smile.

Beomgyu returns the smile with equal sincerity. “Nothing at all, sister.”

They enter the reception room, where they find Taehyun and his wife standing morosely in a corner. “—can’t be that bad,” Beomgyu hears as they approach. “Not if they’ve been holding performances for generations.”

“Oh, they are that bad. Possibly worse,” Soobin mutters.

Lady Kang still looks unconvinced. Bless her musician heart.

“The musicale hasn’t started yet,” Beomgyu says hopefully. “There is still time to fake a horrific headache or the plague and make it back home safely.”

“And exactly how would the five of us manage to get away with that?” Taehyun says, raising an eyebrow. He tosses back the rest of his drink like his life depends on it, which it very well might. “No,” he declares with grim certainty. “If one of us has to be here, all of us have to be.”

Beomgyu groans, but deep inside he knows it really is too late to run anyway, so he just picks up a drink and prays that it will get him through what is to come. Lady Choi leads Lady Kang off to a group of their friends, so Beomgyu makes idle chatter with Taehyun and his brother until a familiar face catches his eye.

Your expression is so blank when you meet his gaze that Beomgyu almost laughs. He’s never seen a person more resigned to their fate than you in this moment, plodding along just behind your stepmother with about as much will to live as Beomgyu feels right now. Even without asking, he knows you’ve been to one of the musicales before, and he knows you’ve been dragged along this time too.

“Is that Miss L/N?” Soobin asks, squinting. “Poor woman.”

Poor woman, indeed. For all the ill will between the two of you, Beomgyu wouldn’t wish the Smythe-Smith musicale on anyone, not even you.

By now you’ve caught Beomgyu’s eye as well. A tiny smirk lifts the corners of your mouth, and without hesitation, you begin wading your way through the mess of people over towards his little group. “Lord Choi, Mr. Choi. Lord Kang.” You make a short, pretty curtsy. “Allow me to convey my deepest apologies for seeing you here this evening. Not because I don’t particularly wish to see any of you, but because if you are here, you might be carted out on a hospital wagon within the next hour or so.”

Beomgyu chokes into his drink. Next to him, Taehyun looks to be biting back some sort of chuckle, and Soobin just laughs. “A pleasure to see you too, Miss L/N,” he says, smiling warmly. “I take it you’ve been to one of these before.”

“Two years ago.” You shudder, and it doesn’t even look exaggerated. “I am no accomplished musician, but I am almost certain the piano is not meant to be played the way I saw.” Your expression turns mischievous. “I’m afraid I found myself ill the next year.”

“Not ill this year, then?” Beomgyu asks.

You look at him, and to Beomgyu’s surprise, a moment of genuine amusement passes between you two. “My illness was unfortunately not believed.”

Soobin bursts into laughter. “Miss L/N, I’m so glad you are on better terms with my brother now,” he snickers, hopefully not seeing the sidelong glance you and Beomgyu share. “Your wit was always the best part of our gatherings when we were younger.”

You shoot Beomgyu a triumphant glance that makes him want to grind his teeth. “I am honored to hear that you hold me in such high regard,” you say sweetly, so sweetly Beomgyu thinks he’s going to have a headache. He’d certainly fake it and leave if he wasn’t supposed to be courting you. Unfortunately, though, the crowd is starting to shift towards the hall, so even if he tried to escape Soobin or Taehyun would definitely catch him. “It looks like the music is starting soon,” Beomgyu says, hoping you catch the hint.

Fortunately, you do. “I will leave you for the musicale, then,” you say, searching the crowd for someone. “I must find my stepmother.”

Unfortunately, Soobin does not catch any hints whatsoever, so he interrupts. “Sit with us,” he invites, oblivious to Beomgyu screaming at him with his mind. “You can bring your stepmother, I’m sure no one would mind.”

If Beomgyu hadn’t been looking at you, he would have missed the slight shadow that passes over your eyes, the miniscule wince that pinches the corner of your mouth at the mention of your stepmother. Your features turn pleasant so fast that he almost wonders if he was imagining things, but even as you agree and go to wave your stepmother over, a feeling of unease settles at the back of his mind. You look the same, act the same even as you follow your stepmother into the hall, but only when you settle into seats next to each other does something finally twig for Beomgyu.

You sat together like this in your drawing room when he called on you last week. When you hurried in, having just come back from town on a search for gloves, when your stepmother walked in and you froze for a moment. Beomgyu looks at you sideways, sitting placidly on your chair, hands folded neatly in your lap. Is it just his imagination, or do your fingers look more clenched than usual?

And aren’t those the same gloves you were wearing last week? In fact, the same gloves you almost always wear? He frowns. Last week you just said you went shopping for a new pair—did you not buy any?

The sound of muted applause temporarily distracts him as the musicians step onto the stage. He dutifully joins in, but as the crowd begins to settle, Beomgyu allows his mind to wander back to you and your small miscellany of strange actions he’s seen this evening. It might be disrespectful not to listen to the music—good God, even their tuning sounds terrible—but Beomgyu is already being respectful enough by showing up. The only other requirement for respect as far as he’s concerned is to just get through the program, and everyone knows the best way to get through a Smythe-Smith musicale is to focus on anything other than the music.

A cacophony of screeching starts sounding from the stage. Beomgyu peeks over at Lady Kang and almost cackles out loud. Horror, disgust, and regret war on her features while Taehyun looks quietly miserable next to her. On their other side, Soobin has already spaced out and is staring blankly into the distance, and Lady Choi seems to be fighting back tears.

Beomgyu looks sideways at you. You look even more resigned than before if that is even possible, your features arranged in an expression of silent pain and suffering. Your hands have changed position in your lap from their previous polite fold to clenched fists. Beomgyu agrees with that sentiment. But your clenched fingers remind him of the day he called, when your butler called your mother in and he looked down to see your hands balled in your gown, very similar to how they are now.

He glances at your stepmother. Her face always seems to be pinched—pinched right now, pinched when she took Delia out of the drawing room, pinched even when she smiled to greet him that day. He’s never really heard anything about her—she married your father when Beomgyu was going off to boarding school, and anyway your families never really became close after it became abundantly clear that you and Beomgyu couldn’t be in the same room without trying to fight. She doesn’t walk in the same circles as he, and she doesn’t appear much in Whistledown. Come to think of it, in your family, the only one who keeps managing to make a fuss in society is you.

All of this just means Beomgyu doesn’t know much about your stepmother, and thus based off of prior information, he can’t form much of an opinion on her. But there’s something about her continual sour countenance that rubs him the wrong way. And…

The day he called, before she knew Beomgyu was in the drawing room, your stepmother called for you. Instead of the screeching music piercing his ears from onstage, he hears her cold voice asking why you were in the drawing room, why you weren’t doing whatever it is she wanted you to do before the butler interrupted. As soon as he announced Beomgyu’s presence, her tone changed.

Right. He remembers the sudden shift jarring him, then seeing your expression grow strange in a way he couldn’t describe—something like discomfort, but worse.

Beomgyu glances over at you again. Well, you look uncomfortable now, but that could very well be because of the tragedy occurring onstage. He himself has half a mind to explode his eardrums right here and now.

No matter. Beomgyu thinks back to the other day. He asked if you were all right, and you said…well, you said nothing. Your stepmother interrupted with her welcome. And then there was the headache of having to hold small talk with you, then the flurry of meeting your absolutely adorable younger sister before he actually had to leave, and between all the legal discussion that followed at the solicitor’s and the drinks at Mondrich’s after, he didn’t think much of the day after that.

Well, he’s thinking about it now. And now that he has actually applied his brain to your situation, Beomgyu finds himself coming to the conclusion that you don’t get along with your stepmother. At all. And not in the usual way that children fight with their parents every so often—this dislike seems to be deeply rooted somewhere else.

Maybe that isn’t so surprising, given that your stepmother is not your birth mother. Beomgyu can understand how that might start conflict in a family. But he looks at your clenched hands and remembers how your fingers balled into your gown in something like…anxiety. Maybe even fear.

Do you fear your stepmother?

No. That must be going too far. Beomgyu shakes his head slightly. How could you, a veritable spitfire, be frightened of anyone? Besides, all of this is based just off of speculation from one day. While he’s fairly certain you and your stepmother are not on good terms, to assume anything else would be pure conjecture, and he isn’t ready to go that far.

Applause breaks out throughout the hall and Beomgyu nearly jumps. He hadn’t realized the program was over, but he’s so grateful that he joins in on the clapping with enthusiastic verve. As everyone begins filing out back into the previous reception room, he hears Lady Kang tell her husband they need to go home immediately. Smart woman. It would have been smarter to not have come at all, though.

Next to him, you heave out an audible sigh of relief. “Oh my God,” you mutter. “It was so much worse than I remembered.”

“It always is,” Beomgyu mumbles back. “Oh, look—refreshments.” He jerks his head to a table laden with drinks and small trays. “Shall we?”

You glance back at your stepmother, and maybe it is just his imagination, but you seem slightly more relieved when you realize the refreshments table will be taking you far away from her. “That would be lovely.”

The two of you make your way through the crowd in time for Beomgyu to snag two of the last glasses of lemonade from the table. He hands one to you, then raises his. “To our everlasting health,” he says, “and the preservation of our eardrums.”

You laugh out loud. It’s a lovely, bright sound that almost takes Beomgyu aback for a moment—surely he could not have made something so genuinely happy leave your lips like this. But you only raise your glass with an accompanying smile, and Beomgyu can’t help but smile back when you echo his sentiments, then take a sip of your drink. “I will be honest, I found myself praying my eardrums would explode halfway through,” you admit under your breath.

“Me too,” Beomgyu agrees. “I thought the performance would never end.” He snickers, a memory returning to him. “Did you see Lady Kang’s face?”

You laugh again, bright and genuine. “It was one of the first things I looked for,” you say, mischief entering your eyes. “And it was absolutely priceless.”

And that’s it. That’s how easy it is, apparently, to hold a conversation with you that isn’t full of barbs and taunts and teeth gritted between every retort. Beomgyu doesn’t know if you find this as strange as he does, but for all its strangeness, he likes it more than he probably should. So he says nothing of it, and neither do you, and as your glasses are slowly emptied, the only barbs you share are those Beomgyu would say are of…friends.

Friends. He never thought he’d use that word in conjunction with you. But right here, with lemonade in hand and the screeching strains of a violin fading in his ears, it doesn’t seem so out of place.

Too soon, you finish off your glasses. Beomgyu turns to the refilled table to pick up two more, but before he can extend another one to you, someone else’s hand appears in front of you.

Beomgyu blinks. You blink. Both of you turn to meet eyes with Lord Kim, and a few other gentlemen standing behind him.

“Mr. Choi. Miss L/N.” Lord Kim gives Beomgyu a brief nod before turning back to you. “Might I offer you a glass of lemonade?”

You look at Lord Kim and his group, then at Beomgyu. Slowly, you reach out to take the glass from Lord Kim’s hand. “Thank you, my lord,” you say quietly.

Beomgyu watches the exchange, feeling oddly detached from the scene. His brain is doing something strange in his head. Why is it that he resents Lord Kim for interrupting the two of you, and why is it that he seems to want to continue his conversation with you?

“Might I take the opportunity to speak with you, Miss L/N?” Lord Kim asks. “I don’t believe we have had the pleasure of being formally introduced, and I’d like to take the chance to do so.” He gives Beomgyu a little smile that seems to lack any fondness whatsoever. “It seems Mr. Choi has been keeping a rare jewel hidden from the rest of the ton.”

Inwardly, Beomgyu bristles. He never kept you hidden, and anyway, if Lord Kim thought you were such a jewel, why didn’t he pursue you during either of your previous seasons? Instead, though, he forces himself to smile back. After all, this is what he is here for. To help you find a husband. You’ve already done your part of driving away determined mamas and delusional admirers. It’s time for him to uphold his part of the bargain, and this is the first time a man has showed such direct interest in you. He has no right to refuse you the opportunity. “Could you blame me for wanting to keep such a gem to my own self?” he retorts with an easy grace honed only by years spent in society. “But should you like to speak with Miss L/N, I will not refuse you the chance to be in her presence.”

You give him a little smile before you leave, something like gratitude glinting softly in your eyes as you let Lord Kim lead you away. Beomgyu tells himself he’s happy, that he has you out of his hair and out of his realm of responsibility, that he no longer has to feign pleasantry he doesn’t actually feel around you. He can’t quite explain away the bitter feeling on his tongue as you leave, though.

Reblogs and comments are deeply appreciated! Hope you enjoyed this, and have a lovely day :)

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poopwons · 8 months

Text

**Break My Heart**-Ft. Jean Kirstein 18+ MDNI!!

Synopsis: You and Jean break up, he doesn't know what to do with himself. Maybe you'll call him? (surprise, you will)

Content: (NSFW), F!Reader, Jean’s POV, post break up feelings, angst, cursing, depressed Jean, pet names, handjobs, fingering, praise kink, Jean has a teensy bit of a size kink, collaring (if you squint), unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it, people), cream pie, hair pulling, light alcohol consumption

a/n: I have never written anything this long before, but I got the idea in my head and it would not get out so, here it is. I was literally driving home from work listening to Olivia Rodrigo and Happier came on, so that's what inspired this 🥰 Huge shoutouts to @jeanboyjean and @cowgirlikets for encouraging me through this entire process!💜💜💜 ***also I know absolutely nothing about plumbing, so sorry if all of that is completely inaccurate LOL***

words: 6.9k

Two months, four days.

That’s how long it’s been. That’s the last time Jean saw you in person, talked to you at all. Sure, he’s wanted to reach out, he’s gotten drunk a few times and Connie had to wrench his phone out of his hands when he saw your name on the screen. Jean had yelled at him, tried to push him off, but Connie ended up with the phone, locking it away before helping Jean to bed. All in all Connie was looking out for him more than anyone else. That’s what good roommates are for, right?

Though, Jean is sure that Connie never expected to ever see his friend like this. Hell, Jean never thought he’d be this way; he never even thought of the possibility of the two of you splitting at all. The first week after you told him you didn’t want to keep seeing him, he stayed in bed, blaring awful sad songs, just wallowing in his own self pity. He supposes he still is, even months later.

The days without you have slowed to a crawl. He still thinks about you all the time, it takes all his will power not to scroll through your instagram, wondering if you’re thriving without him, or if you’re just as fucked up as he is. He doesn’t want to know, he’s not that desperate yet. Still, thoughts of you plagued him every moment it seemed like. Who does he make breakfast for now? Making a single serving for himself just seems.. pathetic, pointless, in comparison to making something for you.

The two of you had a great routine, his favorite, he thinks. You’d wake up, curled in his arms, peppering little kisses to his face, trying to wake him up. He’d groan at you before running his hands to your sides to tickle you, calling you a menace for disturbing a man’s sleep. The little giggles he’d pull from you were his favorite sound, he’d never heard anything better. Then he’d get up, make coffee and breakfast for the two of you while you showered. Sometimes he’d say fuck the breakfast and shower with you instead. Hot water cascading down the two of you, the smell of your shampoo in his nose as he kissed the back of your neck while washing your hair. Fuck. He needs to stop. Think about anything else, he curses himself, his brain can’t keep doing this to him, can it?

But, turns out, it can. Who makes your tea the way you like it, muddled with honey and a splash of cream? Who else knows that you only want earl grey when it’s raining because that’s what your mom would give you when you came inside from splashing around in puddles when you were little? That you want chamomile when you’re sick, and coffee most mornings, unless you’re anxious, then you want English breakfast. Who knows the way you order your meals from your favorite restaurants? That you don’t like water chestnuts because “they’re too crunchy without enough flavor”, or that you hate fast food lettuce but will completely devour the caesar salad from the diner downtown because you say the lettuce is always “the perfect amount of crisp and never soggy”? What does he do with all this little information that he’s learned about you, that’s now completely useless to him since you’re not here?

Connie managed to drag Jean out to go have lunch with him and Sasha the next day. It’s the first time he’s been out in weeks for something other than work. He’s dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, the most he can manage with how exhausted he’s been. The little chain that you picked out for him draped across his collarbones. He likes that memory. You dragged him into a jewelry store, showing him the necklace, saying something about how you thought it’d look good on him. He was never much of a jewelry person, but for you? He agreed, but only if you’d get a matching bracelet, and you did. You said it was your favorite, you loved it so much, and it went on like that, the two of you, in your matching pieces, wearing them everyday…

“Jean,” Connie breaks him out of his thoughts, he wonders if he could tell that he was thinking about you again.

“What,” his tone is flat, nothing like his usual light hearted one.

“Dude, don’t you think you should take that off?”

Jean looks down at his chain, then back at Connie, a frown plastered on his face.

“No, I don’t want to take it off.”

“Look, man, I know you’re still upset, but.. doesn’t that make it worse?”

Jean can’t stand the look of pity he’s getting, he shrugs and doesn’t reply. Take it off? And then what, get rid of it? No. No, he can’t get rid of it, you got it for him. It would be like throwing you away.. and he’s just not ready to do that, he doesn’t know if he’ll ever be.

Sasha kicks Connie under the table, the two of them had clearly talked about how to handle today and it seems like Connie is going off script. Jean can’t take it anymore, he can’t stand the way his friends are looking at him, he wants to look anywhere else. So, he does what he’s been trying to avoid. He pulls out his phone, opening up your instagram. You haven’t posted in a while, but there is one new picture. Jean’s heart lurches into his throat when he sees it. Who is that? Why is he with you? He’s never seen this guy before and he doesn’t like it, right down to his stupid green eyes, that idiotic man bun, and that shit-eating smile plastered on his face, like he’s mocking Jean without even trying. The picture is innocent enough, a selfie with his arm around you. But why is he touching you? Why are you letting him? Did you really move on this fast? Did you forget about Jean already? Is this the real reason you ended things with him, for this other guy?

He hears a faint grunt from across the table, then Sasha is talking to him, he hardly hears it, the blood is rushing in his ears. Connie snatches his phone from his hand, Jean can’t even find the energy to snap at him. Connie groans when he sees the screen.

“Shit, man… I was hoping you wouldn’t see that.” Connie practically winces when he meets Jean’s eyes, tears welling up in them. His voice breaks when he finally speaks up.

“Who is that with her?” He sounds like the world has been ripped from him.

Sasha speaks up from her side of the table, having seen the post as well. “I don’t know.. maybe they’re just friends. Don’t overthink it, it’ll be okay.”

He sends a pitiful look her way, it most definitely would not be okay. He takes his phone back from Connie, rising from the table, hell bent on getting back home. His brain is going a mile a minute thinking about you and.. whoever that was.

Two months, fifteen days.

He stays in his room all week. Barely leaving, laid up in bed scrolling through your entire instagram. All the pictures of you and him are gone. He can’t believe you got rid of them, did you delete them off your phone entirely? Were all those pictures slowly being replaced by new ones with this guy? He hates the thought of this stranger taking up camera space that should be his. He knows he shouldn’t.. looking through this idiot’s instagram isn’t going to make him feel any better, but he has to know why you chose him instead.

He swipes through this guy’s pictures, he’s even got a stupid name. Who spells their kids' name Eren? There aren’t a ton of posts, but the few that Jean does see has him rolling his eyes, gym selfies and photos of him playing a guitar, his long hair flowing down his shoulders. Great, so he’s ripped and talented. Jean’s not out of shape by any means, but he isn’t as cut as that, especially since he’s been skipping the gym the past couple of months, unable to find the energy to go, and he definitely can’t play any instruments. Maybe he should learn, would that impress you enough to finally reach out to him? No, that would take way too long, he wants to hear from you so much sooner than that. Maybe he can start growing his hair out.. would you like that? You never complained about his hair before but, this whole thing has thrown him for a loop. He’s questioning everything about himself wondering what Eren has that he doesn’t. Maybe Eren’s better in bed? No, that can’t be it. You never once complained about Jean’s performance, all those pretty sounds you made when he touched and kissed and sucked at all the right spots. No, he definitely knew what he was doing in that department. So, that can’t be it, which almost makes it worse. That must mean Jean failed you in some other way as a partner. Was he not attentive enough, not supportive enough? Did he not make enough time for you? Maybe he should have tried to plan more dates. The thoughts go on and on like this until he finally falls into a fitful sleep, what little dreams he has are plagued with you laughing at Eren’s stupid jokes, of you being happier with Eren than you ever were with him.

Jean is sitting up on the sofa in the living room, Connie had begged him to at least come out of his room so he knows the poor guy’s still alive. Jean is scrolling through yours and Eren’s pages, checking yet again for any more posts.

“Dude, seriously? Are you looking at that guy’s page again?” Connie asks, as he sits down on the couch with a bowl of cereal.

Jean gives him a noncommittal grunt, before shoving his phone in Connie’s face. “I mean, what does she even see in him? He’s not that good looking and he has stupid hair. He probably can’t even play that guitar.”

Connie gives him a sympathetic look, he knows it can’t be easy for Jean to see you with someone else, but it’s been almost three months since you two split. All the same, he’s Jean’s friend, he can’t always tell him what he wants to hear, right? He sets his bowl down with a sigh, bracing himself for what he’s about to say.

“Come on, man. He looks like a decent enough guy. I know this is hard for you, but don’t you want her to be happy?”

“She’s supposed to be happy with me! Me, not this fucker with a guitar, who’s side are you on, anyway?”

“I’m on your side, you know that, but this is nuts, she’s just a chick. You’ve been hung up for almost three months. You need to get back to the shit you used to do. When was the last time you even went to the gym? That used to be so important to you. You should go back, get some endorphins going, that would make you feel better.”

Jean huffs, Connie just doesn’t get it. He gets up off the couch and walks over to the entryway, pushing his shoes on. “She’s not just some chick, dude.” He spits the words out before walking out the door. Maybe a walk would clear his head. He knew in some regards, Connie was right, he hasn’t been taking the best care of himself lately, but his “just a chick” comment has Jean seeing red and he can’t focus on any of the other rational things Connie’s said.

He walks and walks until it gets dark outside, when he finally gets home he scarfs down a protein bar and flops down in bed. Closing his eyes and drifting off relatively quickly, worn out from the walk, maybe he should go back to the gym, he thinks, if a walk has worn him out so much. He doesn’t know how long he sleeps for, but the buzzing from his night table lulls him out of sleep. Bleary eyed and groggy, he picks up the phone staring at the screen. He must be seeing things. Or he’s still asleep and this is a dream. He sits up abruptly, rubbing his eyes, looking at the screen again. Sure enough, it’s your name that’s up on the screen, the phone is still buzzing in his hand as he stares at the caller id. It finally hits him that if he doesn’t answer it’ll go to voicemail and you might not call back. He fumbles to swipe his finger over the answer key, almost dropping his phone in the process.

“Hello?” Jean tries to make his voice sound calm and not rushed, despite the fact that his heart is practically beating out of his chest over something as simple as a phone call, at the prospect of actually hearing your voice for the first time in months.

“Hey, uh, it’s me. Well, duh, you probably know that.” Your voice sounds just as angelic as he remembers and part of him thinks he might cry right on the spot. “um, listen, I didn’t know who else to call, I-I know it’s late.”

“No, no, I’m uh, I’m awake. Wha-what’s up?” He hates how nervous he sounds, but he can’t help it, even his hands are shaking.

“Can you come over? There’s like, a leak in my apartment, and the office is closed, I just don’t want to lose my deposit. I’m sure they’ll find some way to blame it on me and not their shitty plumbing. I mean.. Obviously, if you’re busy, it’s okay, I can figure something else out.”

So, you’re calling him to come help you, not Eren, interesting. Jean feels over the moon, maybe Eren isn’t all he’s cracked up to be after all.

“No, I’m not busy, it’s fine. I’ll be there in twenty minutes. Just try to soak up all the water you can.” Jean says as he scrambles off his bed, going to the bathroom to check his hair in the mirror, smoothing some parts that got ruffled in his sleep. He looks at his shirt, cursing silently that he’s still wearing this sweaty t-shirt. He puts you on speaker and quickly pulls the fabric off, throwing it in the hamper.

“Thank you so much, you’re really doing me a huge favor.”

He pulls a fresh shirt over his head, the shirt getting caught in his frantic movements causing him to have to talk louder than normal, so you can hear him over the muffle of the fabric, “yeah, it’s no problem, I’ll be there soon.” He’d do you a million favors if it meant he got to see you. You hang up and he slips on his shoes, rushing out the door to get to your place with his tools.

Jean’s heart is hammering out of his chest the whole drive to your place, it feels like his body is vibrating with anxiety. He’s practically white knuckling his steering wheel, his brain just going and going. He finally gets to see you, he’ll get to see you. He hopes you’re wearing his favorite pair of sweats. He always thought you looked so cute in them, so comfy and cozy. Excitement is starting to bubble in, until he thinks, oh, god. What if he’s there? What if Jean has to see you and Eren together in person, in a situation where he can’t just walk away. Oh, fuck, why didn’t he think about this before? He was just so excited to hear your voice, to see you, that he wasn’t thinking. If he has to see this idiot touch you right in front of him he thinks he might punch him. That would not look good on him, you’d probably even get mad at him, that’s the last thing he needs. He pulls up to your apartment before he knows it, punching in the gate code that he still has memorized, begging and praying to whatever good karma he’s drummed up in the universe, that Eren fucking Jaegar is not in your apartment with you.

He knocks on your door, fussing with his hair a little as he bounces on the balls of his feet, unsure what to do with all this nervous energy. When he hears the lock disengage he pulls his hand away from his hair as fast as he can, trying to look as casual as possible, like he hasn’t thought about you every second of every day for the past three months.

“H-hi,” you answer the door, obviously feeling a little uncomfortable with this whole situation yourself, but he doesn’t know if it’s the same kind of nerves he’s having or something else. But fuck, you look so pretty, so so pretty, with your hair draped over your shoulders in loose waves, the way you always wore it before, wearing a crew neck and some shorts.

“He-” Jean’s voice cracks, it fucking cracks. Seriously? What, is he sixteen again? He clears his throat and starts again, “Hey,”

You let him in, and he gets enveloped in your smell, he practically sighs as he breathes in the familiar comfortable scent of you and your things. He didn’t know you could miss a person’s smell this much. He looks around expecting to see the place how he remembers, but he’s thrown off when everything looks different. You’ve rearranged all your furniture. Thankfully, though, you’re the only one here, there’s no sign of another guy having been here at all. He lets out a little sigh of relief, following you into the kitchen where sopping towels are littering the floor.

“I just came home from work and found it like this. I don't know what happened.” you say, waving your arm to the floor.

“Well, let’s just see. I’m sure it’s just a loose rivet or something,” Jean walks past you, trying his best not to let your proximity as he does get to him, fighting the urge to just take you in his arms and not let go. That’s not why he’s here, you didn’t call him for that. He’s thankful that you called him for an actual task, something for him to focus on so he’s not just staring at you, he’s afraid if he stares too long he’ll snap.

You stand in the kitchen with him while he patches everything up, it’s an easy fix, just like he thought. A baby with a wrench could fix this, so again, his mind drifts back to why you called him and not Eren, not that he’s complaining. He thinks it all feels very domestic, you watching him fix up things around the house. He’d fix everything you asked him too if he could hold onto this feeling. He’s surprised when you crouch down next to him, trying to see what he’s doing.

“It was loose, right here, I’m just tightening it up.” He smiles as he looks at you briefly, he can’t help it, you just look so pretty and you’re right next to him, right where you belong.

You smile back at him and he feels his heart lurch again, turning the wrench a little more, satisfied with his work, he catches your eye, “and that should do it, you should be all set now.”

He stands up, wiping his hands on his pants before offering you a hand up. When you take his hand he bites back a smile at the feel of your hand in his again after so much time, even if it is a harmless interaction. Standing up with him, you don’t pull your hand away right away, lingering there for just a second too long. Did he imagine that? No, no you definitely lingered.

You brush a strand of hair behind your ear and smile at him sheepishly. “Thanks again, I really appreciate it.” God, your smile is the prettiest thing he’s ever seen.

“It’s not a problem, I don’t mind helping you.” Jean runs a hand through his hair, rubbing at the back of his neck, looking away from you, still nervous. He knows the whole reason he came is taken care of now, and he doesn’t want to leave, but he thinks that’s what you might want.

“So, I should–”

“Do you want–”

You both speak at once, sharing a nervous chuckle. Jean lets you go first, giving you a look that says so.

“Do you, um.. Want a drink?” You look nervous, awkward. Surely he’s imagining it, he doesn't want to get his hopes up too high. “It’s the least I could do, calling you over here on a Friday night. I’m sure you had better things to do.” You give him another shy smile and he swears he could melt into a puddle right there.

“Uh, sure. Y-yeah, a drink sounds good.”

“All I have are those hard seltzers I usually get, that okay?” you ask like you expect him to remember, and he does. He wants you to know how much he remembers about you; everything, he remembers everything.

So, just drinks for yourself? No beer, no liquor, nothing he thinks a guy like Eren might drink. Interesting. So far, everything he’s observed has led him to the conclusion that maybe you and Eren aren’t together. Maybe Sasha was right, and the two of you are just friends?

“That’s fine,” He bends down, putting his wrench away, placing his tool bag on your counter. Turning back to look at you, the slim can in your hand as you hold it out to him. He takes it, following you over to the couch where you both take a seat next to each other.

His body feels like it’s vibrating, sitting this close to you. You didn’t have to sit this close, but you did. He pops the tab, taking a drink to calm his nerves, and you do the same.

“So, how have you been? It’s been a while.” You speak so softly, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear again, a nervous habit. Are you feeling the same tension he is? Is he making it all up because he missed you so much?

“Uh, good, good.” He lies, what is he supposed to say? That he’s been completely miserable without you? No, if he’s wrong and you have moved on, he has to at least pretend he’s been doing alright. “Work is, well, work, you know. Haven’t been doing much else. What about you?”

“Y-yeah, no, things are, um, they’re okay. I finally got promoted at work.” you smile at him again, before taking another sip. “I’m officially management.”

Pride swells in his chest, he knows how badly you wanted to move up in your job, how much you craved more responsibility. He’s glad your place of work is finally acknowledging your potential.

“Hey, that’s great. I’m really happy for you,” and he is, genuinely. “Is it everything you wanted it to be?”

You give a little snort, “I mean, I guess. Workplace drama is a lot more stressful when you’re actually the one in charge of trying to defuse it, instead of just listening to all the gossip.”

“Well, I’m sure you’re handling it fine, you were always good at that kind of stuff.”

You huff a little laugh again, thanking him before pulling the sleeves of your crew neck up while adjusting your position on the couch. That’s when he sees it, that little glimmer of silver on your wrist. His heart pounds harder as he sees it. You’re still wearing your bracelet. You still have it.

“You’re still wearing that,” Jean points out, his voice coming out little more than a whisper, like he just can’t believe it, his eyes locked on the bracelet.

A blush blooms across your cheeks and Jean is positive it’s not just the alcohol. Fuck not getting his hopes up, you wouldn’t still be wearing something he got you if you didn’t miss him a little bit.

“Oh, yeah..” you fiddle with the bracelet with your free hand, “I um.. I feel a little naked without it, you know?” you cheeks are still flushed as you look up at him.

Jean just smiles at you, “yeah, I know what you mean.” he says as he pulls the chain out from under his shirt. “I got so used to wearing it everyday, it just doesn’t feel right with it off.” It’s not even a lie, just, not a full truth. His nerves are slowly fading away, getting replaced with renewed hope.

“Well, it does still look good on you,” you reach your hand up to run your fingers along the chain, Jean feels a jolt of electricity in your touch that practically lights his skin on fire, and that’s when he really knows. There’s no way you’d be touching him like this if you didn’t miss him, if you were seeing someone else. He’s never felt so much relief in his life. “Suits you, for sure.”

He takes his hand placing it over yours, goosebumps prickling his skin where your fingers dance along the chain. “You..um, you have good taste,” he says, his breath turning a little shallow, he knows he’s not imagining all the tension that’s been slowly building up since he got here. “I never would have picked anything like this for myself.”

Your hand is so small in his, he’s always been bigger than you, taller, more muscular. He didn't realize how much he missed it until now, he was so caught up with missing all the other parts of you that this bit seemed to have slipped his mind. You’re looking at him with your pretty doe eyes, letting him hold your hand, he can practically see the hearts in your eyes, looking at him like you used to. Fuck it, he’s going for it. Drinks completely forgotten on the coffee table as he scoots a little closer to you, just enough so that your knees are touching.

“I’ve really missed you.” He whispers, leaning in just a little closer, he hears your breath hitch in your throat, your eyes flitting to his lips.

He smiles as you lean in too. You want it just as much as he does. “Me too..”

When he finally presses his lips to yours he almost explodes with happiness, he’s feeling giddy, all these pent up feelings pouring out into your lips. He cups the back of your neck as he deepens the kiss, swiping his tongue over your bottom lip, a silent request for permission. He sighs as you grant it, opening your mouth for him so he can glide his tongue along yours, and you moan into his mouth. You fucking moan. He loses any semblance of control he had. His hands move, roaming over your back and the two of you lose yourselves in the moment. Without really thinking about it he pulls you onto his lap, moving his mouth to press hot kisses to your neck, nipping the sensitive skin. It always was one of your favorite spots. His hands run under your sweatshirt, caressing your back, savoring the feel of your soft skin under his palms.

“Missed you so fucking much.” Jean breathes out between kisses, groaning as you grind your hips onto his lap when he kisses your neck again.

“Missed you too. Thought…Thought about you all the time…” Your words are broken up by little gasps. Jean thinks he could die happy, just like this, but then your hands go to the hem of his shirt, pulling it off, running your hands over the contours of his chest and he feels like he’s going to burn out of his skin.

His hands follow suit with yours, pulling your sweatshirt off, discarding it on the floor next to his, drinking in the sight of you, sighing when he sees your bare chest. Running his hands over your tits, kissing his way down your neck and your collarbone before taking one of your nipples into his mouth and starts kissing and sucking, pinching at the other one with his free hand. You arch your back into his touch and he moves his hands back around your waist, pulling you closer to him. He just needs you closer, so much closer.

You just grind against him, he can feel the heat coming off of you, listening to your breath get more and more ragged as you wrap your arms around his neck in order to get closer, pulling his head up.

“I’m sorry. Jean, I’m so sorry.. I never should have–” your voice sounds broken, despite the desire and need coursing through the both of you. It breaks his heart to hear you sounding so sad. You don’t even have to explain what you’re apologizing for, he already knows.

Jean cuts you off with a kiss, running his fingers through your hair, shushing you softly. “It’s okay, it’s okay.” He soothes, pressing soft kisses between his words. “Later. We’ll talk about it later, yeah?” He pulls back, pressing his forehead to yours, looking in your eyes with all the love he has for you.

You give him a feeble little nod, kissing him passionately. Your tongues glide together as you taste each other, making up for lost time, and god, does he want to make up for it. With that in mind, his hands move to the plush of your ass, squeezing as you keep your lips on him. As much as he doesn’t want to push you away from him, he needs to touch you. He runs his hands over your bare thighs before hooking his fingers into the waistband of your shorts, pushing you back just enough so he can get the leverage he needs. Tugging them off, you lift your hips to help him. He looks down and sees you clad in lace, one of his favorite pairs. A brief look of surprise as his brain sorts through it. You… you planned for this, at least to some degree. All doubts completely leave his head as a satisfied grin curls on his lips.

“You wear these just for me, baby?” He murmurs into your ear as he nips at your earlobe, fingers already dancing along the sides of your panties.

You give him another nod and a breathy little sound that he assumes, if you were able to form the words, would be a confirmation. He pushes the material aside, running a finger through your folds. Shit, you're so fucking wet for him. He’s going to lose his mind. His finger swirls around your clit, eliciting moans and gasps from you. You’re already starting to squirm for him and he doesn’t let up, still swirling little circles with the pad of his finger.

“J-Jean,” you moan out his name and cling to him, holding his head tightly to your chest.

“‘M right here, baby, I got you. You gonna be a good girl and cum for me?”

“Y-yes, yes, yes, fuck!” He feels your legs shaking on him, still moving his hand. God, he missed seeing you like this.

“That’s it, that’s my girl. That’s my good fuckin’ girl, did so well for me. ” He purrs into your skin, pressing kisses to your neck, giving you a second to catch your breath.

Turns out you don’t even want a breather, your hands moving desperately to his lap, frantically trying to undo his buttons, slipping your hand in and wrapping around his cock.

“Fuck,” Jean groans under his breath, lifting his hips with you still on his lap, so he can shove his pants down enough for you pull him all the way out.

Your hand pumps him, smearing the precum over his flushed tip, causing him to suck in a sharp breath. You keep working him, your hands are always so soft, twisting your wrist a bit on the way up, squeezing the tip just a little. He loves the way he looks in your hands, your smaller ones making him look even bigger. His eyes catch a little glimmer, and he groans again when he sees you jerking him with your bracelet bouncing on your wrist with your movements. All he can think about is that you’re his, you're his, you're his. That one little accessory tells the whole world. Maybe he’ll replace it with a ring. He leans forward, burying his face in the crook of your neck, taking a shaky breath.

“Shit, you’re makin’ me feel so good, but I don’t… fuck, I don’t want to cum like this.” He pulls back to look in your eyes, seeing nothing but how good you want to make him feel and he doesn’t know what he did to deserve you.

He pulls your panties to the side again, lifting you up, lining himself up with your entrance and pulls you down onto him. Jean thinks he’s died and gone to heaven. He has never felt anything better than you wrapped around him like this. You both let out audible moans, as you adjust to him. Without any warning, you start bouncing on him. His eyes roll back as he drops his head to the back of the couch. Your bounces are slow, deliberate, he’s sure he’s in heaven.

“You feel so good. Love how full you make me feel.” You murmur, breathy, into his ear, bracing yourself on his shoulders.

As much as he’d love to just sit here and bask in you riding him, he’s going to cum way too soon if he lets you keep going like this, especially if you keep using that mouth of yours to whisper everything he’s been wanting to hear for the past three months in his ear. He moves his hands back to your ass, grabbing handfuls of you, doing the work for you for another second or two before he wraps his arm around your waist he starts fucking up into you.

“Missed my pussy so much, baby. She’s mine, yeah? That’s what this means doesn’t it?” He growls, taking your wrist, adorned with your bracelet, showing it to you. “That’s why you never took it off? Been mine this whole time haven’t you?”

Your walls squeeze him, as you hear his words, and he groans again. “All yours, Jean.. al-always yours.”

In all his desperation to get close to you, to get inside of you, he didn’t think your panties would cause a problem, but at this point they’re in his way, they won’t stay to one side. He moves his hand, gripping the flimsy garment, and pulls hard, tearing them.

“Jean!” You protest, looking down at where the two of you are connected.

“I’ll buy you new ones,” He mutters before he picks up his pace, finally able to fuck you the way he wants, slamming his hips up into you.

You don’t seem to care so much anymore, as your eyes roll back, and you let out a cry. Your arms are wrapped around his neck, moving to bury your face in his neck. And for Jean, right now, that just won’t do, he wants to see you, wants to see your face contorted in pleasure. He brings his hand to the back of your neck, tugging your hair so you’re looking at him.

“Look at me, baby, wanna see you.” Shit, he already feels close. Not having you for all these months, and finally getting you, getting to see in your face how good he’s making you feel and how much you missed him too. He didn’t think he was going to last long anyway. He brings his lips to yours, kissing you hungrily, all tongues and teeth.

“Ba-baby, ‘m close,” you whine, eyes glazed over, face scrunched up just the way he likes.

“Me too, cum with me, yeah?” His hand snakes between you, finding your clit, rubbing circles on it with his thumb.

He feels you clenching around him, cunt pulsing and god he missed this feeling, missed feeling you come apart just for him. You say his name again and again like a prayer and he just can’t hold back anymore.

“Fuck, baby, I’m shit–” He tries to warn you so you can get off of him, but you just stay put, slamming down on him again and again. He cums hard, painting your insides white.

Still holding onto you tightly, one hand on your neck and the other around your waist, you both just stay locked in an embrace, panting. Each of your heads are resting on the others shoulders, Jean presses little kisses there while he catches his breath.

“God, I really did miss you so much.” He whispers into your skin. “And not just this, all of it. I missed all of you.”

“I know, I missed you too. I wanted to call you or text you, or anything. I just…didn’t think you wanted to talk to me.” Your fingers toy with the hair at the nape of his neck and he just savors the moment.

Neither one of you moves, you just sit there holding each other. You haven’t even gotten off of him yet, his cock going soft inside you, feeling his cum leak out onto his lap, but he couldn’t care less. He just runs his fingertips up and down your back tenderly.

“You really scared me, you know that?” Jean says when he finally feels like breaking the silence.

You lift your head, giving him a puzzled look. “What do you mean? How did I scare you?”

Jean sighs, it sounds stupid now, in hindsight, thinking that you had moved on. “I thought you were dating that Eren guy. You posted a picture with him and I kind of freaked out.”

It seems like it takes a second for his words to register, because you’re quiet for a moment before you burst into a full fit of laughter. Jean just gives you a pointed look. He doesn’t see what’s so funny about that. You’re laughing so hard you practically roll off of him, landing on your side on the couch, your legs still draped over him. He follows suit, cuddling you when he gets onto his side.

“What’s so funny?”

You finally stop laughing long enough to answer him. “Eren? EW.” you manage to get out before you start giggling again. “He’s like a brother to me, we grew up together. I haven’t seen him before that post since he left for school. You really thought I was dating Eren??”

Jean’s cheeks flush, a little pout forming on his face. “What was I supposed to think? He was way too close to you in that picture.”

Your laughter subsides, and you brush some hair out of his face, giving him a soft smile. “He just took me out for the day because I was so sad about you. I felt like I’d made a big mistake, and he just wanted to get my mind off of it for a little while. Besides, even if he wasn’t like a brother, he’s been in love with the same girl from middle school since he was like, twelve years old.”

You look like you have more to say but you’re hesitating. Clearly feeling a little nervous, he just nudges you gently, wanting you to continue.

You take a deep breath before going on, “I am sorry.. I shouldn’t have broken up with you, and for such a stupid reason.”

“What was the reason, exactly?” He asks, he never actually got the full story.

“I just… I liked you too much, things were going too well. I guess I kind of panicked, wondering when the other shoe was going to drop.”

Jean just stares at you, of all the reasons he thought it was, he didn’t think it was this.

“So… you broke up with me, because things were going too well?”

“It sounds stupid when you say it like that!” You bury your face into his chest, hiding your blush. “I said I was sorry.”

“What if there’s no other shoe? What if we’re just good together? Did you think about that?” He asks, no malice or hurt in his voice, just genuine curiosity. He presses a little kiss to the top of your head, trying to soothe you.

“There’s always another shoe.” You mutter, not bothering to lift your head up.

Jean sighs, taking your chin in his hand, pulling you up so that you’re eye to eye with him. “Baby, I promise, I will do everything in my power to ensure that there is no other shoe, okay? You have a problem, just talk to me. Let me be there for you, let me try and make things better. I’m not saying everything will be perfect all the time, but just know I’ll try my damndest for you.” He presses a kiss to your lips, sealing his promise.

“Yeah.. okay,” you finally give him another smile, and he kisses you again, unable to resist. “So, can I be your girlfriend again?”

“As long as you promise not to break up with me for such a stupid reason ever again.” He smiles at you again, pressing another kiss to your forehead before pulling you back into his chest.

“Promise,” you mumble as you nuzzle into him.

Jean’s happier than he’s been in months, with you in his arms, right back where you belong.

Thank you so much for reading! Likes and Reblogs are always appreciated!💖

#jean kirstein #snk jean #jean x reader #aot smut #jean kirschstein x reader #jean kirstein smut #snk smut #snk x reader #attack on titan #attack on titan smut #jean x you #jean x y/n #aot fanfiction #no use of y/n

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grimm-writings · 5 months

Note

HIIII i LOVE your blog!! could i request a bard reader performing a song in front of the party, and it slowly dawns upon chilchuck that the song is about loving him? 🥺

a way with words

…ft! chilchuck x gn! reader

…tags! fluff, reader is a bit of a poetic shit <3, reader plays a string instrument (envisioned a lute or mandolin but i don’t specify!)

…wc! 1092

…notes! OH MY GODDDD this is so cute. what the hell. we need more bard representation in this got damn dungeon. (i know thistle could technically be one but one in a party i beg)

To me, some parties employ a bard if they plan on going on ‘legendary’ outings into dungeons.

Somebody needs to be there to document their exploits through the written word – how else are legends made?!

You probably stumbled on the party with the intent to write a song of legend. Eating the dragon that ate one of you sounds pretty legendary after all, right?

Safe to say if you’re not exactly humble about your profession you get on the nerves of a certain union man.

Even if your reason for joining the party was… less than virtuous, you did bring a certain joy to the party that they all appreciate.

If journeying is getting tiring, all you need to do is pluck a few strings of your instrument and hum a travelling song.

Sometimes you’d make a little ‘game’ out of it. You know using the drunken sailor melody to make your own songs? Well…

“What shall we do with a big red dragon, earl-ye in the morning!” Your voice rings out, bouncing off the walls of the dungeon around you. You eye the party around you before your gaze lands on the half-foot seeming disinterested in your performance. Well, that simply won’t do! You lunge, dragging him back by the shoulders, eyeing him expectantly. He only gives you a wide-eyed look of surprise for a second before realising everyone is watching. He’d hate to interrupt the song, so… “Tie it down and eat it for dinner?” he suggests, only guessing the rhythm vaguely. To his surprise, you seem to really like it. You laugh and pick up the music once more to sing his lyric once again. He has to admit, at least you’re having fun. He doesn’t realise until you reach a stop that he’s been singing along at the end.

I imagine half-foots have a cultural appreciation for music. It’s a big scene! They have drinking songs, travelling songs, work songs… I wouldn’t be surprised if most bards are half-foots!

And Chilchuck is no exception. Have you seen his little jig? Of course he likes music!

He has great hearing so he’ll also pick up on little accents in your music and singing others wouldn’t really get.

If you’re performing a campfire song, Chilchuck will likely join in (especially if he had a bit of drink).

It’s nice. He seemed to be relaxing around you, and you seem to be becoming more of a friend to the party rather than a glorified biographer.

You have to admit that the half-foot has been growing you a considerable amount. What a complex individual. So much to read into and inspire…

It would be one night when you’re on night watch that Chilchuck’s sensitive ears end up waking him up. ..

The half-foot was going to hiss and complain about you being too loud at this time in the night, when he realises you’re playing a melody and mumbling words to yourself. …Huh. Are you writing a song? Chilchuck tries to remain still with his eyes closed and listens closely. It’s handy having such keen senses sometimes. He could only pick up a few words; brown, warmth… something about a kind soul? Chilchuck figures you might be setting up for the party’s “legendary” song. Maybe you’re focusing on Falin. Her hair is a very pale brown, and she’s a kind soul if a bit of a people pleaser. He rests easy, listening to your gentle plucking of your strings. It’s a different melody from usual… he likes your softer side he can identify through your music.

He never tells you he listened to your little jam sesh. If you knew he’s using your music as a way to fall asleep easier… He can see your smug smile now, and it makes him endlessly frustrated (or flustered rather).

Chilchuck’s feelings are something he never really… knew. They just sort of existed, and he let them. It’s not like anything will happen.

Sure, he gets more red in the face around you… and MAYBE he gets a softer look in his eyes as he looks at you… and perhaps he thinks your singing voice is one of the prettiest sounds he has ever heard…

So what?

It’s a colder night when you take out your instrument and announce you finished writing a song. It took you a long time to complete it, you admit, but you put a lot of heart into it.

A unique starter, the party might think. Usually you write for fun. Specifying putting heart into your music is something that rings an alarm in their heads.

You start playing a melody. It’s a type of sombre, deep sound. It resonates a less folksy mood and something more… personal. With eyes closed, you don’t notice Chilchuck perking up in familiarity. That’s the tune he heard you playing weeks ago. You only just refined it? At least he can actually hear what the words are. Your eyebrows are furrowed as you sing about a character that has a kind soul, with deep brown eyes. His warmth is something that you find yourself wanting to bathe in once a journey ends. Chilchuck listens with a small smile. It’s only when you start mentioning things like silver strands of hair you wish to weave through your fingers, things start to fall into place. Wringing his hands too often for a well-prepared man is a lyric that is too specific to merely be about some fictional character. He doesn’t say anything even as he joins in the applause at your finished peace, pretending the heat in his cheeks is from the frosty temperature.

That night, he catches you alone refilling your waterskin. The atmosphere is thick with a kind of calmness.

Where Chilchuck is usually so stubborn, he finds the words escaping his lips in a soft voice.

“Are you in love with me?” You don’t respond instantly. He expected as such. He follows your form with his eyes as you widen your eyes and glance away with a small laugh. “Wow. Wasn’t as subtle as I thought,” you dryly tack onto your chuckle. He laughs along, approaching you. He doesn’t do anything drastic, instead offering his own to you. “It’s okay,” he tells you, surprised at his own lack of embarrassment despite the situation. “The fact you notice all that about me is… flattering. You really have a way with words.” You return the grin he gives you and take his hand, squeezing it. “How could I not notice, when you are my intimate muse?”

#✮ grimm's fics!#delicious in dungeon #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon imagines #delicious in dungeon x reader #dungeon meshi imagines #dungeon meshi x reader #chilchuck #chilchuck tims #chilchuck imagines #chilchuck tims imagines #chilchuck tims x reader #chilchuck x reader

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a-dauntless-daffodil · 7 months

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So in love with the "Canival Town Vaggie" AU, but that lead to a thought. In Alastor's first song he puts Vaggie in a certain outfit that people have noticed shows up later. This time, Vaggie would recognize "You dressed me up as Susan!?"

what with Alastor kinda being Vaggie's live-in Susan, she might take it as a compli-

WAIT

WHAT IF SUSAN WAS LIKE VAGGIE'S GRUMPY BITCH CANIBAL GRANDMA?? WHAT IF THE ONLY PERSON SUSAN DIDN'T HECKLE WAS VAGGIE????

like- like vaggie, in the hotel in canon SHE'S the one getting pissed and frustrated and and and the one being realistic (pessimistic???) about stuff, STRICT, judgmental (to anyone not charlie) like imagine her meeting Susan like "Wow. mean granny says it like it is" and Susan latching onto her "I'VE ONLY HAD THIS SNARKY JADED GRANDDAUGHTER FOR /FIVE MINUTES/, AND IF ANYONE LOOKS AT HER WEIRD, IM EATING THEM AND THEN EVRYONE ELSE IN CANNIBAL TOWN"

can you imagine mom/aunt Rosie struggling valiantly to be supportive and have Vaggie's evil granny over for tea steeped in the skull of earl Grey, CAN YOU IMAGINE CHARLIE TRYING SO HARD TO BE NICE TO HER GIRLFRIEND'S GRANGRAN BUT ONLY EARNING SUSAN'S RESPECT WHEN SHE CRACKS AND CALLS HER A BITCH

(and Vaggie grinning and CHEERING HER for it???)AND THEN SUSAN IS GIRNNING TOO, LEANING OVER TO HER GRANDAUGHTER AND GROWLING

"oh i see why you like her now~" - "that's not why, granny chops, but yeah. she's great"

WHILE CHARLIE SITs THERE, TRYING NOT TO REACH OVER AND THROTTLE THIS OLD LADY THAT HER GF CLEARLY LOVES

even in hell no one can figure out how this (healthy?) (happily fucked up??) granddaughter / grandmother relationship works!!!! they just know they'll find Vaggie and Susan standing in a corner of the party, smirking / grinning with too many teeth together as they trade sick burns about everyone else there! (especially Alastor) (and excepting Charlie once Susan decides she might almost be worthy of dating her sad emotionally burnt dropout angel vegetation grandchild)

the non-cannibal vegetation diet thing is ONLY part of Vaggie that Susan ever picks on, and it's only because she's WORRIED Vaggie will fall off the flesh is she doesn't eat human three times daily in the special way Granny kills it~

original au credit to @sunsetcougar

#hazbin hotel #vaggie #susan hazbin hotel #chaggie #alastor the radio demon #charlie morningstar #vaggie's vegan cannibal adoption au spinoff #rosie is going through so much for her new kid she is having tea with SUSAN she will make this family WORK #alastor and the realization how serious this all is #because of the above #vaggie and susan cackling and heckling ppl in a corner #it lives in my head rent free now #charlie's first brush at having a grandparent is with susan and she might never recover #susan tho #susan is having fun collecting grandkids #and not even for lunch but like #as family XD

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aaronhotchswife · 10 months

Text

THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL

Drew Starkey X Female Reader

Chapter 2

Warnings : alcohol, panick attack, angst, want to give the reader a hug, smut, loss of virginity

If you missed chapter 1

"One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter." - James Earl Jones

Y/N's point of view

I'm at Madelyn's, curled up on the couch with a hot tea in my hands. I don't want to go home, because I know that Drew will be there, with Odessa probably. I don't have the strength to see him. Even if at the same time, he is the only person I want to see.

I now know what heart break feels like and I now know that I have to teach my heart to accept disappointments, even from the people I love, even from him.

Madelyn is sitting next to me, playing with my hair. I respond to the worried texts of my friends, saying that I'm okay and that I'm sorry to have ruined their night. They are all understanding and tell me to have a great trip at my parents for the holidays, and to take time for myself. I respond to all of them except Drew. I just write him that I'm at Madelyn's and that I'll pass by tomorrow to get my suitcase for the holidays. I ignore his texts asking me what happened. I just answer him to have a great Christmas before turning off my phone and go to sleep.

Drew's point of view

I think I'm in love with Y/N since I saw her for the first time. When everyone got cast, we had dinner at the restaurant to get to know each other. I was sitting with the boys, talking about what we liked in life, when I saw her, making her way to the table. She was wearing a yellow summer dress with white converses. Her hair was tied up in a effortless ponytail, and I swear that in that moment, I saw the most beautiful girl in the world.

But I think that I truly fell in love with her 3 months after we met. We were walking in the city, and we saw a kid looking for his parents. Without hesitation, she made her way to him, kneeling at his height, asking him if he needed help. The kid was inconsolable so she sat with him, telling him stories and making him laugh until his parents found him again. In that moment, I knew. I knew that she could have broke my heart in a thousand pieces and I would've been grateful.

Since that day, three years ago, it always been the two of us, until tonight.

So when I arrive at Madelyn's apartment, I want nothing more than to have answers. I feel sick to think I could've put her in that state. I knock at her door, rubbing my hands in my face. When she opens the door, I can see how annoy she is at me.

"She's sleeping."

"Ok, then tell her I passed by and that I want to talk. Please," we're both surprised by my shaking voice. "What the hell happened out there ?"

"Maybe you should ask that to your friend Odessa, Drew. I know she is your friend, but you should've seen the state Y/N was. Getting humiliated like that in front of her friends, in front of you."

"In front of me?" I struggled to ask, my brows furrowed.

"Please Drew," she chuckled coldly. "As if she wanted you to know that she was a virgin. I'll let her know you passed by, but you need to let her some space, she has a lot on her mind right now."

"What do you mean by that?"

"You should go, Drew, she'll talk to you when she's ready."

I leave her house, cursing to myself. When I go to bed that night, I can't stop thinking about her, about us, about how I lost something I never had.

Y/N's point of view

I leave Madelyn's apartment early this morning, figuring out that if I go to our apartment early enough, chances will be that Drew will still be asleep. I guessed right because when I unlock the door, I can hear him snoring lightly.

***

As I'm driving to my parents' house, I put my Christmas playlist on shuffle, question to get into the mood. As I get on the highway, the song Blue Christmas by The Lumineers starts playing. I feel like it's the first time in my life where I can really relate to this song. My mind starts to wonder, how will Drew's Christmas will be like. How will my Christmas be like. I can feel the tears burning my eyes as I try my best to stay concentrated on the road.

***

I'm sitting on the sofa; my parents and my brother are talking about something I can't decipher. I'm scrolling on my phone, through Instagram. My heart skips a beat when I see a picture that Mackayla posted. I look at the picture, where Drew all smiling, is photographed with his family. I read the caption as it says "Merry Christmas from our family to yours.'' I double tap on it, liking it, even if it feels as if my heart throws itself down the 18th floor to see him smile like that.

Drew's point of view

Christmas sucks this year. I try my best to act like everything is fine, to act as if she's not mad at me. But my mind keeps wandering and I keep asking myself why she acted like that. I mean, sure what Odessa did was not nice, but I keep asking myself what was the meaning behind Madelyn's words.

''Drew!'' Brooke's voice pulls me out of my thoughts, ''We're opening the gifts!''

I sit on the floor, watching my mom handing me a gift. I unwrap it, finding an air fryer under the paper. Before I can say anything, my mom almost screams, ''It's for you and Y/N! I know how you both love easy and quick cooking.''

I laugh slightly, trying to push away the thought that I miss her, that I love her, and that I hope that our friendship can pass through whatever happened that night.

Y/N ‘s point of view

As I come home 2 days later, I see Drew laying on his bed, reading a book. I feel my heart throbbing in my chest, and weirdly, for the first time, I don’t know how to act around him. A mix of thoughts is spinning around in my head, and I find myself wondering if I should apologize to him for how I acted at the bar. Madelyn told me how he went to her apartment to have answers and I can’t imagine how bad he must’ve felt.

He must have felt that I was standing in the doorframe of his room because he turned his head, looking at me with so much gentleness, as if he was afraid to break me just with his gaze.

''Hi.'' I say, making an effort to keep my voice steady.

''Hi.''

I make my way to him, laying next to him on the bed.

He clears his throat before speaking again, ''how was your Christmas?''

''T'was fun,'' I answer, my eyes focused on his bedroom's ceiling, ''what about yours?''

''Was great, my mom says hi,'' he smiles.

''We should talk,'' we say at the same time.

Drew chuckled softly, and for the first time since I'm laying next to him, I stop looking at the ceiling, looking at him instead.

''I feel like I owe you an apology for how I acted at the bar,'' I say, my voice not even louder than a whisper. But I know he heard me he interrupts me.

''No, I should apologize. I should've done something while you were having a panick attack. Does it happen often ?''

Drew's point of view

I look into her eyes as I ask my question. I can see her breath getting stuck in her chest.

''It's fine if you don't want to talk about it,'' I say, giving her an occasion of changing subject.

''No, it's ok,'' she answers, ''I used to happen a lot more when I was younger. I used to do them when there were a lot of people or noises. But the one a couple of days ago was the first in a long time. I thought I was getting better, I honestly did. But sometimes, I just lay in bed at 3 am, trying to figure out what is wrong with me and why I'm never enough.''

''I'm sorry,'' I say to her. I truly feel sorry for her, because I know that she can't see herself the way I see her. So strong, always there for the others, always happy. I'm cursing mentally to not have realized how she was doing.

''You don't have to be sorry Drew.''

My hand reaches for hers and my gaze goes from her eyes to her lips. I can see hers do the same. I just want to close that gap between our lips. But before I can do anything, she turns her head, excusing herself and leaving me alone in my room.

Taglist -

@willowalexissss

@abbybarnesstuff

@ethanthequeefqueen

@pet1t3

@drewstarkeysbae

@prentissesredtanktop

@jjmaybankisbae

@f4ll-for-you

#drew starkey x female reader #drew starkey angst #drew starkey x y/n #drew starkey x you #drew starkey fluff #drew starkey x reader #drew starkey smut #drew starkey #outer banks #rafe cameron #rafe x reader #rafe obx #rafe outer banks #rafe imagine #rafe fanfiction #drew starkey fanfiction #Spotify

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lesoldatmort · 5 months

Text

FURFUR "He is a Great and Mighty Earl, appearing in the Form of an Hart with a Fiery Tail. (...) He can raise Lightnings and Thunders, Blasts and Great Tempestuous Storms. He ruleth over 26 Legions of Spirits."

Entry to my Hell Employees project which, of course, includes the Hell's canon nobility aswel! More info and lore on my P▲treon.

#hell employees #furfur #demons #character design #monster #dark art #monster design #hell #demonic #horror art #demon art #digital art #digital illustration #skull #wings #i went a bit crazy with this brush and i enjoyed every second of it #will do that again #and again

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stayevildarling · 4 months

Note

Hey! I am really enjoying reading all of the works you have been posting lately, you are such a great writer! I actually had a request if you happen to have the time? Maybe a fic with Delia, Mina, Billie, and reader where Delia uses magic on reader and accidentally hurts her in the process. Then maybe some angst between Mina and Delia because Mina is very overprotective and Billie tries to deescalate their argument? But also happy ending?

Cordelia Goode x Wilhemina Venable x Billie Dean Howard x Reader- As the gods will

A/N: I completely forgot this in my drafts 😅 it's a bit of a short one but I didn't want to drag it on

word count: 3.3k

tw: mention of smoking, mention of blood (mild), angst, arguing, fluff at the end

taglist:

@lunaticwhittaker, @billiebeanhoward, @lanawinters-ily, @kenzbro, @minaslittleone, @httpfiftyshadesofgay, @whitelotus00, @ninaahs, @vintagepaulson, @isle-of-earle, @paulsonsratched, @stepintomyworld, @grilledcheeseandguavajelly, @lucyintheskywithxanax, @fanfics4world, @mymiraclewitch, @hazard-to-myself, @awritersometime, @ohrwurm26, @wastdstime

As Billie Dean returns home, she feels a buzz of excitement rush through her, finally at home after a long week of working, filming the last bits, mostly promotion for the upcoming season of her show. With the upcoming weekend, she had decided to treat her girlfriends to a little something, opting for a quick shopping spree after work, managing to pick just the right things for the three of you. And as the front door closes, she notices how oddly quiet it was, of course it being Friday meant most of the witches had left but she is surprised to find neither of you downstairs as she brushes past the kitchen and the living room.

,,What the hell have you done?'' Wilhemina's voice rings through the air, so loud that the medium could hear it from downstairs. Abandoning the shopping bags and kicking off her heels, she is quick to run up the stairs, with a sense of urgency, before finding a very unusually quiet and guilty Madison in front of Cordelia's office. ,,What is it?'' Billie asks nervously but quickly leaving the blonde behind, figuring she wasn't going to get any answers out of her.

What Billie Dean had missed was a very busy and uncomfortable Friday, some of the younger teenage witches testing Cordelia in a lot of ways, especially Madison on her nerves all day, teasing her and pushing her buttons. She had been that stressed and tense with her workload that she had even asked you to keep her company. Cordelia enjoyed nothing more than have you close but whenever things got a little hard and stressful she retreated to her office, dealing with it in silence, before calming herself down enough to join you three again and spend time with you. However, today she didn't feel like being alone and so she had asked if you minded sitting in her office as it was your day off and of course you didn't mind, happy to keep her company.

And despite there not being a whole lot you could do, other than regularly make her some tea, offer to make her some lunch a while ago or occasionally walking over and giving her shoulders some relief, as your hands gently massaged her, ridding her off the tension slowly. Nevertheless, your girlfriend appreciated it, appreciating to have her little sunshine close as you gave her the motivation to finish the few tasks she had left on her agenda for the day. A while ago you had made Cordelia and Wilhemina some lunch, taking it to Mina's office as she thanked you with a sweet gentle kiss, telling you she was almost finished for the day, before returning to the supreme's office, where she took a break with you, offering you to sit on her lap as she fed some of the lunch to you, her eyes sparkling with love and adoration, the tension almost gone.

When the door opened without knocking a while later, watching Madison enter so carelessly, you knew this would escalate things further. Cordelia and Madison had an odd connection, the younger witch often pushing the supremes buttons, but despite it all you could tell that your girlfriend cared about her wellbeing deeply and you also noticed how in times of trouble for the coven, Madison always stuck to Cordelia and the academy, despite only being loyal to herself usually. You swallowed hard, seeing how she walked inside with a cigarette hanging from her mouth, knowing Cordelia strictly forbid smoking inside after Fiona. And it surprised you when Cordelia didn't even look up from her laptop, simply continuing to type away and roll her eyes, quite aware who was interrupting the peace and quiet.

,,Alright I'm off to that party, so the four of you can have this place all to yourselves'' she muttered, almost nosily inspecting the supremes office, barely acknowledging your existence. ,,Give me a break Madison'' was all that Cordelia had said before waving her hand a little with the pure intention of making Madison shut up and leave her office. However, Madison knew better and so she quickly dodged the magic, and as the invisible force looked for the next life-form in the room, her magic had made you flying to the nearest wall behind you, causing for a loud thud to follow. And the thud was so loud that even Wilhemina had heard it, considering that same wall was connected to her office. And with furrowed eyebrows, she decided to investigate, wondering what the supreme and you were getting up to in there, her heels echoing through the academy ever so quietly.

And when she caught a glimpse of Madison, lingering by the door, a guilty expression on her face, she entered, watching as Cordelia typed away on her computer, thinking that all was well for a moment before noticing your frame on the floor and her eyebrows furrowed then before her voice rings through the air ,,What the hell have you done?''. Cordelia finally looks up, seeing Madison lingering by the doorway behind the redhead before her eyes travel to you in shock. She is quick on her feet, abandoning her work and kneeling beside you. ,,Oh my god'' Cordelia exclaims before taking your head into her hands as some blood pours from the back of your head, assuming that must have been from the impact. In panic and shock she meets Wilhemina's eyes, begging for her help and forgiveness at the same time.

,,Little one?'' Wilhemina tries gently but the pain is so severe that your eyes remain closed, despite aware of your surroundings and what had happened. With hands as quick as light, she hovers them over your head as you laid on the floor with your stomach, only your backside faced to them. And as Billie finally enters, watching the scene unfold in front of her, Cordelia already has the wound healed as the blood and any evidence of it completely vanishes. And finally you manage to open your eyes, composing yourself and trying to get up, still feeling a little shaky on the legs. However as you do, you notice a strange sensation, the inability to speak and looking at your girlfriends, you see the shock in their features. Cordelia's intention wasn't only to send Madison across the room but also to be quiet and so she had casted a spell which would assure just that.

However, as the magic travelled to you, Wilhemina and Billie watch in shock as their most precious thing is missing a very important feature, your mouth. ,,Cordelia what on earth?!'' Wilhemina's voice rings through the air again as crippling panic sets in on the supremes features as she begins pacing around the room after failing to rid you from the spell, her nerves playing up and causing her magic to get a little sloppy. Despite being the most powerful witch and supreme, this could happen, despite being rare. The blonde loved you three so much that the thought of seeing either of you hurt almost killed her, let alone when she was the reason for just that, despite that not in the slightest being her intention.

Unaware of what exactly is happening, panic equally kicks in as your eyes widen, pathetic sounds getting blocked in your throat as they had no way to leave you. As Billie walks closer, noticing your beginning panic, she tries to hold onto your hands, noticing how warm they are as your chest rises and falls quickly as you begin hyperventilating. ,,Cordelia fix this now'' Wilhemina demands, her voice raised, her overprotectiveness setting in as she couldn't stand to see you hurting. ,,I can't.. I've tried'' the supreme huffs as she continues pacing, trying to calm herself down in order to make this go away. Billie noticing the tension, leaves you for a moment, before walking over to Cordelia, placing her soft manicured hands on the supremes cheeks. ,,Calm down love'' she tries, ushering the supreme to follow her breathing. ,,That's it'' she praises before her eyes begin pleading with her.

,,What is this spell called darling?'' the medium tries gently, before Cordelia closes her eyes, slowly feeling calmer. ,,Perpetuum clausis'' she breathes out, still trying to focus to keep calm, not once looking at you as she couldn't stand the sight. ,,Okay honey, you can reverse it?'' Billie questions, very much hoping she could fix it considering she loved the things your pretty little mouth could do. ,,Yes'' Cordelia nods, closing her eyes before flicking her wrist. A painful mixture of an exhale, inhale and scream follows as it all returns to normal. Wilhemina moves even closer to you, taking your shaking hand into her own, her heart beating angrily against her chest. ,,Are you okay little one?'' she asks, ignoring the presence of the other two. Her main concern your wellbeing and safety right now. And all you can do is nod as your throat feels like it is on fire, your head still pounding in pain, still feeling as if you couldn't use your mouth for anything but breathing.

,,Sweetheart, I'm so so sorry'' Cordelia tries, finally walking over to you and trying to pull you into her arms. But she is stopped by Wilhemina who protectively hovers, placing herself in front of you and physically stopping the supreme. ,,Don't'' she hisses, her eyes and words filled with venom as Billie anxiously watches the scene unfold. ,,Don't touch her'' she carries on and you can't do or say anything as your body feels on fire. ,,Come on'' Wilhemina ushers, taking your hand and leading you out of the room, leaving behind a heartbroken and guilty Cordelia.

It doesn't take long before the tears stream from her beautiful features, Billie frowning seeing her girlfriend like this. ,,Sit down honey'' the medium tries, taking a seat on the sofa next to Cordelia and taking the supremes hands into her own. ,,What happened?'' the blonde asks confused, still not fully understanding what had happened and hoping the supreme would fill her in so she could fix this and help. It takes a while for Cordelia to find her composure again, but seeing Billie so compassionate, she eventually calms down. ,,I had no intention of hurting her'' she begins wanting to make sure that much is clear. ,,I know darling'' Billie coos as she tilts her head a little. ,,It was Madison..'' Cordelia sighs, remembering how the witch had tested her most of the day. ,,I wasn't even trying to use my magic on Madison, I just wanted her to shut up and leave us alone'' she explains trying to recall the events.

,,I guess when I tried to dismiss her with my hand it must have triggered my magic'' she carries on, the words now flowing freely without holding back. ,,And I'm assuming Madison dodged it and it hit..it..'' but she doesn't get to finish as tears return and Billie is quick to wipe them, understanding now what unfolded. ,,Come here'' the medium ushers and Cordelia hesitates, feeling stupid for being coddled after causing you pain, thinking about how you deserved this more as of right now and how she wanted to do nothing more than hold you like this. But she gives in as Billie pulls her forward and into her arms.

Meanwhile, Wilhemina had taken you to her office, ushering you to sit, the door banging shut in the process, as she takes in your features. You seem utterly calm given the circumstances but the redhead worried with how quiet you had been. ,,Are you okay?'' she asks, while walking away for a moment to fetch you some water. All you can do is nod, unable to talk as it still feels like the word are caught in your throat. But obviously she couldn't see your nodding and as she returns she simply looks at you, her eyebrows furrowing before asking again ,,Little one, are you okay?'' her voice now a little firmer as she hands you the water, worry washing over her. And when you nod again, she scans you a little further, and by the way she stares at the water you can tell she wants you to drink some and so pathetically you try with shaky hands but it all comes straight back up as you choke on it, your throat burning.

Wilhemina watches in shock and a sense of horror, not remotely understanding what was going on and how Cordelia's magic may have caused some serious harm and damage. ,,Can you talk?'' she tries again, trying to search your eyes. And all you can do is shake your head, scanning the room before standing up, finding a piece of paper and a pen on her desk. You look at her for permission and she nods before you write down ,,It hurts''. And as her eyes read over the words, she sighs heavily. ,,Okay little one, how about we get you some rest?'' she offers and you simply nod as she offers to take you to bed but you shake your head, your eyes wandering to her armchair and if you could speak, you would have told her how you didn't want to be alone, how you wanted to stay with her as everything was scary right now and the only safe thing was her. She nods despite not understanding and watches as you curl up in a ball on her purple armchair. All she can do is watch in sorrow before walking over, placing a blanket gently over your shaking body and when your eyes close, she opts to sit by her desk, near enough to be able to see you and keep an eye on you.

As the redhead silently sits and watches, her thoughts go back to what had happened, knowing deep down that Cordelia would and could never cause you any harm intentionally. She judges the way the supreme must have miscalculated her steps, Wilhemina perceptive and smart enough to figure out that it was aimed at Madison, that witch clever enough to dodge it. And a small part of her knows that it was probably due to how agitated Cordelia was today and how Madison must have provoked her and how the supreme probably didn't even want to use magic but it probably came natural, as she knows Cordelia wouldn't use that sort of magic, especially not when you are nearby. But she can't help and feel anger nevertheless, seeing you still shaking on her chair, only a small part of her able to understand how painful this must be. The redhead would die in a heartbeat if it meant protecting either of you three but there was always something about you, maybe the fact that you are younger than her and maybe she wanted to protect you from it all, often unsure whether being around the witches especially the younger witches was smart as they certainly got up to things that Wilhemina wouldn't approve of.

And while fighting her internal battle, a part of her wanting to forgive Cordelia and simply take care of you, the door knocks as Billie had suggested checking on you both and Cordelia hesitantly agreeing, knowing that there was going to be a raging storm as soon as Wilhemina's eyes would meet hers. But she needed to check on you, to see that you are okay, that this didn't traumatise you, that this didn't make you scared of her. Wilhemina simply watches as the door opens, Billie's head poking around it, frowning as she sees you curled up so comfortably. She enters after Wilhemina nods, giving her permission to do so but her eyes draw away from the door as soon as she sees her other blonde girlfriend walk in, her features filled with guilt and regret and cheeks stained with previous tears shed. ,,Is she okay?'' Billie asks a little nervously, kneeling in front of you.

,,No'' is all Wilhemina can say as she holds the note to the medium, who hastily takes it, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion as she looks at the supreme, who simply stands frozen a few steps away from them. ,,She can't speak still?'' Billie Dean asks and Wilhemina simply nods avoiding Cordelia's pleading eyes. ,,Cordelia, is that normal?'' the medium asks anxiously, placing her hand on your cheek and stroking it gently. The supreme doesn't hesitate before speaking ,,Unfortunately yes, it may take a while for the pain to go''. The admission is so painful that it brings tears to her eyes again, unable to believe she had caused you pain. Billie is quick to get lost in her own world a little, all she can sense as of right now, you and her as she gets lost looking at her adorable babydoll, watching over you protectively, making sure your breathing is normal.

Meanwhile, Cordelia kneels in front of Wilhemina, trying to get her to actually look at her but the redhead is having a hard time. ,,Mina darling, please let me explain'' she practically begs but the redhead is having a hard time as her stubbornness had reached it's peak point, her walls built up high, threatening to lose herself in a battle of protectiveness over you. ,,I didn't mean to hurt her Mina'' Cordelia tries again, her voice gentle as her hands rest on Wilhemina's knees, trying to ground them both. ,,Don't you think I know that?'' the redhead suddenly hisses as her emotions get ahold of her and something within her snaps. ,,How could you have been so careless around her, you should know better'' Wilhemina carries on, her statement causing for a sharp pain to burden Cordelia's heart.

,,I know, I know'' the supreme admits, tears welling up in her eyes, before she takes a deep breath. ,,I wasn't trying to use my magic, on either of them, I wouldn't have done that to Madison either, despite her having it coming'' she explains, more to herself than the redhead as she had given up hope of her girlfriend forgiving her anytime soon for this. But then something within Wilhemina softens up, maybe the confirmation that Cordelia's magic just took over, maybe the genuine forgiveness in her voice or maybe just the love Wilhemina has for this woman and you two. The thought crosses her mind how if the redhead was a witch, she would send people flying across rooms all the time, whether that being intentional or not. And so, Cordelia suddenly feels a gentle squeeze on her hand that still rests on her girlfriends knee. And as she looks up, she sees forgiveness in the redheads eyes through her teary vision and it causes her to choke on a sob. ,,I'm so sorry'' she repeats, the crashing weight of guilt slowly dropping from her shoulders.

,,De...Delia'' a very quiet broken whisper fills the room and three heads instantly snap in your direction as you had woken from the broken nap. ,,Sweetie'' Cordelia coos, instantly on her feet and walking over to you. Sleep had certainly helped as the pain from your head was mostly gone, your throat feeling less on fire and the ability to talk finally returning. ,,Are you okay? what hurts sweetie?'' the blonde asks, her voice tinged with concern and worry over you. ,,I'm okay Delia, promise'' you assure, some words still coming out broken but much better than before. ,,I'm so sorry sweetheart'' she cries now, but you are quick to sit up a little and wipe her tears.

Billie's eyes travel towards Wilhemina as they watch the scene unfold, both feeling relieved and a little at ease to have you talking again. And slowly the tension fades with each passing minute, the academy silent as you manage to shush Delia's quiet sobs and wipe her tears. ,,Well I'm certainly glad we fixed that, considering what that pretty mouth of yours can do honey'' Billie jokes, causing the four of you to giggle, even Wilhemina's low chuckle ringing through the air.

#sarah paulson #cordelia goode #wilhemina venable #ahs #american horror story #billie dean howard #sarah paulson x reader #cordelia goode x reader #sarahpaulson #billie dean howard x reader #wilhemina venable x reader

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idkyetxoxo · 5 months

Text

One | Allure | The Last Kingdom

"Are you dead?"

"No, but you wish I was, don't you?"

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───☆⋅☾⋅☆───

The day of my birth was shrouded in suffocating air, the night darker than the deepest abyss, devoid of stars but illuminated by an entrancing full moon.

In the arms of my father, the great Earl Ragnar, I took my first breath. His eyes, ablaze with paternal pride, reflected a sense of fulfilment as he cradled his final child, his youngest daughter.

While the world labelled me with epithets of darkness and irresistible allure, my father saw only the radiance of his beloved daughter, the beacon of light amidst the shadows. Despite the whispers of others and the ominous aura that seemed to cling to me, my father's unwavering love shielded me from the darkness that sought to define me.

──☆⋅☾⋅☆──

I rode alongside my brother Uhtred and the men sworn to him. Osferth, the young monk who joined our group recently, exuded a gentle warmth that seemed out of place amidst the harsh realities of our world.

Finan, bound to my brother after surviving the horrors of the slave ship, was a constant reminder of resilience and loyalty.

Sihtric, however, was a different story. Our first encounter ended in violence, a dagger buried deep in my leg, leaving behind a bitter resentment that simmered beneath the surface. Our relationship was strained, to say the least, defined by a mutual hatred that lingered like a shadow between us.

As we arrived in Alton, greeted by the sight of the devastated village, my attempt at levity fell flat amidst the grim reality before us "How fun" I said. Uhtred's scolding glance and Finan's chuckle only served to underscore the gravity of the situation.

"Rest your dark little mind," Sihtric remarked, his words dripping with sarcasm as I dismounted from my horse, ready to face the aftermath of destruction.

"You're next," I retorted, pointing towards a fallen man nearby and then at Sihtric, the weight of our mission pressed down upon us as we discussed our plan of action. Osferth approached the group of Danes, leaving me to murmur to Finan in frustration.

"What the hell is he saying?" I grumbled, only to be met with Finan's hand covering my mouth, a futile attempt to silence my impatience.

"Yeah, most, some of you might run away, hopefully. I've got.. I've got a sword. A very sharp sword but I'd prefer it if you surrendered." Osferth declared, and now I was grateful for Finan's hand over my mouth, stifling the laugh that threatened to escape.

"Be quiet, will you," Finan murmured, his expression a mix of amusement and exasperation as I responded with a playful lick of his palm, earning a grimace from him.

The chaos unfolded swiftly, the clash of swords and screams echoing through the air as the Danes fell before us. After the carnage, a figure emerged from the shadows of the church, a human heart clutched in her hand. Skade, the sorceress, exuded a chilling aura that sent shivers down everyone's spine, everyone except me of course.

The confrontation between my brother and the sorceress unfolded like a sinister dance, each step fraught with tension and menace. Their words clashed like swords in the dimly lit church, echoes of power and defiance reverberating off the stone walls.

"You now belong to me, and your spirit is mine to torment," Skade's voice dripped with malice, her words a chilling reminder of the dark forces at play. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at her theatrics, the veiled threats failing to evoke the fear she intended.

As Uhtred issued orders for Skade's restraint, I watched with a mixture of disdain and resignation. Her bindings served as a physical reminder of the danger she posed, a manifestation of the darkness that lurked within her soul.

"Brother, are you scared?" I whispered, my voice barely above a breath. His knowing glance spoke volumes, a silent acknowledgement of the peril that surrounded us.

"Not when I have my own little devil," Uhtred's words brushed against my ear, his nuzzle against my hair a gesture of reassurance. I couldn't help but groan at his jest.

Upon our return to Aescengum, Skade in tow as our prisoner, we regrouped with Alfred, Edward, Beocca, Aethelwold, and Steapa. To our surprise, Alfred expressed a desire to delay the impending battle. He wished to confront Skade himself, to see the witch who had wrought such havoc with his own eyes.

Uhtred escorted Alfred to see Skade, leaving the rest of us to wait in anticipation. "What, they're alone?" I asked, my curiosity piqued as I glanced back in the direction Uhtred had just walked from.

"Alfred wishes to hump the witch," Finan chuckled, his laughter infectious as I couldn't help but join in.

"What an unexpected turn of events," I remarked, sliding my arm around Finan's waist as he reciprocated by wrapping his arm around mine. "I don't blame him. I've always wanted to know what it would feel like to hump a witch," Finan quipped, eliciting a playful scrunched-up face from me.

"Maybe the one they call the devil will have to do," he added with a mischievous grin, prompting a gasp of feigned shock from me.

Before we could revel in our banter any further, Uhtred appeared behind us in a moment, his expression stern and unwavering. "Unhand my sister right now before I make sure you aren't able to hump another woman again," he warned, his tone laced with a hint of threat.

Finan, ever the jester, removed his hands and held them up in surrender as I pouted in mock indignation. "You can't blame a man for trying," he retorted, his tone light despite Uhtred's admonishment.

"I can and I will," Uhtred declared firmly, leaving me to sigh dramatically as the tension between us dissipated into laughter once more.

The night stretched on, devoid of sleep, as Skade's relentless cries pierced the darkness. Her ceaseless pleas for freedom echoed through the fortress, a reminder of the danger she posed.

"Someone shut her up before I do it myself," I grumbled, frustration seeping into every word as I pressed my hands against my ears, desperate to drown out the cacophony of her voice.

"Her screeching is deafening," Finan added, his head buried in his hands as he struggled to find respite from the relentless noise.

"Hah, she sounds like you then," Sihtric remarked, a sardonic smile playing at the corners of his lips as he pointed a finger in my direction. In response, I grabbed a fur and hurled it at him, the gesture a futile attempt to silence him.

──☆⋅☾⋅☆──

As the first light of dawn crept over the horizon, the eerie silence of the fortress was shattered by the arrival of the witch's keeper at the gates. This time, however, he brought with him not just a message, but hostages, women, innocent victims caught in the tangled web of malevolence.

"Fucking coward," I muttered through clenched teeth as Bloodhair callously slit a woman's throat before our very eyes, his demands ringing out like a twisted melody of despair. Two more lives were snuffed out in an instant, their blood staining the earth as a grim testament to the cruelty that permeated our world.

Uhtred emerged from the fortress, Skade in tow, the air thick with tension as he made a show of punching and kicking her before the assembled crowd. Skade's twisted encouragement to Bloodhair hung in the air like a poisonous fog, her words dripping with malice and venom.

With a steely resolve, Uhtred issued his ultimatum to Bloodhair, his voice cutting through the chaos with a chilling clarity. He had until sunset or each man in their fortress would take their turn with Skade. The fate of the hostages hung in the balance, their lives dependent on the whims of a man driven by madness and greed.

Bloodhair's gaze ascended to the fortress, and our eyes locked for a fleeting instant. The smirk that danced upon his lips as his eyes roved over my form prompted a roll of my eyes, he was too cocky for my liking.

"How exciting for you, Finan. You might get to hump a witch after all," I remarked, my voice tinged with sarcasm as I scrunched up my nose in disgust. Finan's light push away from me was met with a half-hearted shrug and a small smile.

"Heard the little devil here likes taking control, even uses her daggers when the mood strikes" Sihtric's voice oozed with a sly tone as he emerged from behind us, his smirk palpable.

Both Finan and I swiveled to confront his smug expression. "Is that so," Finan chimed in, his grin widening mischievously.

I seized the opportunity to turn the tables on Sihtric. "Why have you been questioning what I'm like in bed?" I interjected, my tone dripping with amusement as I watched his smirk falter into contemplation, a pleasing moment of triumph.

"I suppose that's the closest you'll come to satisfaction, given I wouldn't entertain your touch even in dire circumstances," I added, a smirk playing on my lips as I casually turned my head to the side, anticipating his response.

"Come on, Irishman, let's leave this rat to his fantasies," I declared, my voice laced with amusement as I beckoned to Finan. He burst into raucous laughter, effortlessly falling into step beside me as we sauntered away, leaving Sihtric in our wake, visibly flustered.

──☆⋅☾⋅☆──

The Battle of Fearnham unfolded like a meticulously orchestrated play, each move calculated, each action deliberate. From the moment the clash of steel echoed across the battlefield, victory seemed within our grasp. Bloodhair, once a fearsome opponent, revealed himself to be nothing more than a coward, fleeing at the first sign of adversity. The satisfaction that filled me as I watched him ride away, his retreating form a symbol of his defeat, was indescribable.

Collapsed on the ground, my body heaving with exertion, I clutched my dagger tightly in my hand. Bloodied and bruised, every fibre of my being screamed with exhaustion, yet I was alive. A voice broke through the haze of fatigue, kicking me lightly as I groaned, turning to meet Sihtric's gaze "Are you dead?" he asked.

He looked down at me with those same bright, two-coloured eyes, a glimmer of amusement dancing within their depths. Despite my hatred for him, I couldn't deny the undeniable allure of his rugged features. It was as though the gods themselves had sculpted him from the very essence of masculinity.

"No, but you wish I was, don't you?" I retorted, the words dripping with sarcasm as I met his gaze head-on. Sihtric feigned contemplation for a moment before nodding, a smirk playing at the corners of his lips.

In a swift motion, I kicked his legs out from under him, a fleeting moment of triumph before I scrambled to my feet and fled, his angry protests fading into the distance as I disappeared into the field.

The journey back to Winchester started light-hearted and jovial, but the mood quickly soured as Skade's incessant chatter grated on my nerves. "Shut your trap woman, I'm tired of your screeching," I erupted, unable to tolerate another moment of her relentless talking, yet she remained unfazed by my outburst.

Upon our return to Winchester, Hild awaited our arrival, her sombre expression signalling that something was amiss. Uhtred's crestfallen face confirmed my worst fears as Hild delivered the devastating news.

Gisela, beloved by Uhtred and cherished by all who knew her, had succumbed to childbirth. Even in death, she had given Uhtred another son, but the joy of new life was overshadowed by the weight of our collective grief. Days had passed since her burial.

My heart sank as I turned to face the others. The smirk on Skade's face, a cruel mockery of our anguish not gone unnoticed by me fueled the flames of my rage until I could bear it no longer.

Without hesitation, I lunged at Skade, my fury propelling me forward as I delivered a stinging blow across her face. Sihtric's swift intervention prevented me from inflicting further harm, his grasp firm as he pulled me back from the brink of violence.

"You little bitch," I muttered through clenched teeth, tears threatened to fall down my face but I remained composed, she wasn't going to get the satisfaction of seeing me upset. I pushed Sihtric away and stormed off in the direction of Uhtred.

──☆⋅☾⋅☆──

"Are you alright?" Sihtric's voice, tinged with concern, reached me from behind, his gaze fixed on the night sky above. "I don't have the energy for you right now, leave," I replied curtly, my words laced with a rawness born of grief and sorrow, before retreating into the darkness.

That night, as Uhtred mourned by his wife's grave, I found solace in comforting my niece and nephews, their innocent presence a balm for the constant ache in my heart.

───☆⋅☾⋅☆───

an enemies to lovers slow burn 🤭 ALSO had to be season 3 sihtric because like have you seen him???

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