#had a full on breakdown the other night but it was in my room and i was quiet abt it so!! im a good roommate

[bluejaybytes]

@snowshinobi Hiiiii :3 I'm responding to your tags on a new post and not the original since the original was already somewhat lengthy, and I plan on being LONG and RAMBLY, but I have sooo many thoughts on what you said and I'm going to say them. Also my browser crashed TWICE (TWO TIMES. 2) when trying to write this post so I'm really fighting for my life out here to get my silly little OC posts done. Also it's under the cut because it's looooong as hell LMAO

Firstly, you're so nice to me forever <3 Secondly, I think you've basically hit the nail on the head. The majority of the issues Maggie has coming back from death and her 9 years gone are really tied almost exclusively to her close family, because she... never really had anyone else. While in-universe it's only 9 years, realistically the jump in technology and culture is around ~20-30 years (Maggie died in the 90s/early 2000s essentially, and wakes up in a just barely futuristic city), but... the most jarring thing to her in terms of what she missed out on is just. Flipphones are no longer popular. Other than her family, she's only close with one other person... who just so happens to be a ghost, and therefore both 1. Wouldn't change much over the timespan due to how long she's been a ghost and 2. Unlike her family, was aware that something happened, since she could see the ghost-of-a-ghost Maggie left behind (The ghosts name is Opal, she positions herself as a sort of "guardian angel" figure, though she's not actually, and serves as just another parental figure for Maggie while also getting after the ghosts that constantly harass her to pass on messages to the living). Maggie has no real relationships outside of her family, and while her relationships with her family are massively impacted by her unknowing death, other than that... the timeskip itself doesn't weigh on her because she had no one regardless. Her struggle to adjust to everything thats happened would've happened regardless of the timeskip for her, because she was such an isolated shut-in that it's the same whether it happened the next day, or nearly a full decade later

So another very interesting thing is that you've actually completely seen where I was going with everything, in spite of everything I said being very surface level and not actually delving into the plot at all. I completely skimmed over Jenna (She's very important to the plot, but she's by in large a regular person as opposed to Maggie's... everything), but for some additional context, Jenna has a horrendously shitty homelife, so her moving in with Maggie is both a gradual process (It goes from spending time there, to spending nights, to eventually just never going back home and moving in fully), and also serves as an escape for her. Part of that is also, so vitally, the food aspect. For some additional additional context, souls essentially serve as a persons lifeforce, practically every bodily function is improved by a soul that's stronger, though the "strength" of a soul is essentially entirely random, and not dependent on the individuals actions of any kind. Maggie had a generally weird soul before (Seeing ghosts inherently means she has to have something going on with her soul), but when she wakes up after her death, her soul is now even weirder, and part of that is that it essentially lets her get away with bad habits she absolutely should be seeing more consequences for. She barely eats, and when she does, it's basically exclusively crackers and whatever other safe foods she has around the house, because actually making food is a level of care and effort she just... doesn't give to herself in the slightest. Part of Jenna staying with her is that Jenna, without really discussing it, entirely takes up the mantle of caretaker of the apartment, with the biggest task being food prep, Jenna sees Maggie's unwillingness to take care of herself and silently steps up and starts making her actual meals so she's eating properly.

The problem is is that this also kinda... just straight up sucks? Jenna doesn't think much of it, it's something that needed to be done so she's doing it, she wants Maggie to be well fed even if she won't do it herself, and she's already been responsible for making all of her own meals for years prior anyways, so it's just another thing she does. Except that's shitty! Maggie's seen firsthand how terrible her homelife is, and it really weighs on her how even in her escape from that, Jenna's still being put in a position where she feels like she must care for her or else she just won't eat properly. So food is such a massively important thing to both of them, it's this symbol of love for both of them, it's love on the part of Jenna, for stepping in and taking care of Maggie when she can't do it herself, and it's love on the part of Maggie, for realizing how her own bad habits impact the people she cares about and wanting to lift that weight by taking care of herself better. It's also very vital for Maggie because she just... doesn't... have hobbies. Learning how to cook becomes really her only hobby and she puts all of her love and care into it, because for the first time in a long while she's actually passionate about something! ...Unfortunately she also is very very bad at it. She's inventing new dishes like "Burnt Salad" and "Please Help I Fucked Up Kraft Mac N Cheese" and still having to have Jenna come in and help her. But it's the thought that counts, and it'll only be a matter of time before she can make something vaguely edible.

And finally, the stuff about names! I didn't post it here, but while idly talking about her in a Discord server I'm in, I definitely think that had I made Maggie like even a few months later than I would've done she would've been nonbinary. As it stands right now though, I'm saying she's probably some form of genderweird but too busy trying not to die to think about it <3 Growing up knowing that ghosts are real and routinely being shut down by authority figures in her life about it has made her very aware of how bullshit a lot of things are and how the people who claim to be knowledgeable tend to not know what they're talking about (Beyond just the "people don't think ghosts are real", she's also got ghosts willing to tell her when people are lying because they've got nothing better to do than just gossip) , so if she spent even just a moment thinking about gender as a social construct she'd instantly recognize that and probably take up some form of genderweird label, but as it stands she's just too stressed with Being The Protagonist to think about that

Now, the thing with Margaret. I'm not even going to lie to you, I think you made a better connection to how a name connects with community in terms of the narrative themes than I did. The thing with Margaret denying the name "Maggie" existed for two reasons, the in-universe explanation is that, with the little scrap of soul Margaret has leftover from Maggie, it's essentially working overtime just to keep her vitals working, it can't dedicate time and energy to making her an individual with preferences and a personality, so part of that is that she doesn't respond to "Maggie" because ultimately, that is not her name. Her name is Margaret and she's not going to respond to "Maggie" because "Maggie" isn't her name. Of course, out of universe the reasoning is that I wanted an easy way to distinguish between Maggie as she is the protagonist, and the version of her that lived in the years she was gone, so different names makes the most sense.

I think your connection to how name relates to community genuinely works on a level I hadn't fully pieced together myself yet and I really love that because I think that absolutely works with everything. One of the main conflicts of the plot is how Maggie is entirely disconnected from her family thanks to the years she was gone, with Margaret having no priorities beyond "survive", she basically never spoke with her parents or brother for years. While her family tried to reach out to her repeatedly (Especially given that, while they're unaware the truth of what happened the night Maggie was murdered, they do know something happened, and they believe that whatever it was severely traumatized her, and that's where the sudden and drastic shift in personality came from), there's a point where they just... gave up. She wasn't trying to talk with them or contact them in the slightest, so around a year or two after Margaret moved out, her parents gave up on her. Her brother would still be there a bit, but he also didn't really... try... anymore.

When Maggie wakes up, she tries to call her parents... and they don't pick up. They'd grown resentful over the years, and now that Maggie wants to talk to them, they don't forgive her for the years of not speaking to them, and aren't interested in whatever she has to say after nearly a decade of trying to reconnect with her and being met with nothing. It's her insistence that she wants to be called Maggie that actually gets her brother to realize she's telling the truth and that something happened. She shows up at his door, already something that Margaret wouldn't have done, and that combined with her being visibly upset when he calls her Margaret and tells him that's not her and that she's Maggie, it signals to him that whatever's going on is real (...though he would've figured this out eventually, given that she also literally 17 again and not in her mid-20s, and has a giant glowing stab wound in her chest). I think it works absolutely perfectly as being a symbol of community, her disconnect from her community is what led to her being called Margaret, and her desperation to be returned to that community is when she's Maggie again. So uh. Congrats on getting the themes of my OCs better than I did <3

And uhhhh closing thoughts! I honestly did still skim over the majority of the plot (Literally never even mentioned Eli or what's going on with her stab wound </3), but I think you reeeeally hit the nail on the head with everything I'm kinda getting at with these OCs, which is... frankly wild given how little main plot I actually got at. Basically everything I mentioned in my original post was the setup, not the main plot. But waaaaugh thank you for being so niceys to me and also giving me another excuse to ramble endlessly <3

[sureuncertainty]

okay guess we won't be going in to work tomorrow either, since we've been fighting off a panic attack all evening and cannot breathe

[absinthemindedly]

//

[butwilltherebealcohol]

Roommate: hey bud.......how ya doin?

Me, head down on table, 4th whiskey on ice in hand, earbuds blasting music loud enough to hear from the other side of the room: why wyould u even ask im obviously perfectly fine. thriving.

[astrasng]

SCRATCH || BANGCHAN

MINORS DNI!

pairing: idol!chan x female!reader

summary: thanks to chan's solo stage you finally made him yours.

warnings: blood (from scratches obv), handjob, spanking, petnames (baby, honey, angel, sweetheart) unprotected sex, cursing

author's note: from my previous breakdown post bc of chan got me in an inspired mood so i made a little somethin somethin. still what the fuck was he thinking. also, if you're a regular reader by any chance (ily) you might have noticed i write jealousy tropes, IDKK WHY THO SORRY

important!: this is pure fiction, the act in this story is by my imagination and not based off true events. please do not copy the work.

enjoy!

It isn’t like you’re not supportive of your boyfriend. You’ve always been there for every idea, even if you thought that it wasn’t the best one. The things you have to deal with him being an idol settled deep into your mind, already accepting the consequences that may come in the way. But it’s not like you would ever give up your relationship with Chan just because he’s doing risky things that you may not like. 

To be honest, it kind of became an advantage for you. 

You would watch him having fun on stage with the other members, sometimes splashing water at each other, making everyone in the crowd either cheer or laugh at their silly behavior. There were times when they got sentimental, wishing all the happiness for STAY and the members for the future. It made you emotional just in the same way as you would watch them through the TV in your shared apartment. 

And then there were times where you couldn’t help but squeeze your thighs together and wait for him.

“Had fun today?” 

The sarcastic tone caught Chan’s attention as he’s doing his everyday night routine, just as he’s finishing up his shaving session. He knows exactly why you’re talking and reacting to him this way, you’ve been all fidgety with him since he got home from the first day of the tour, and when he stepped inside the apartment he saw you still sitting on the couch, not welcoming him in with the usual hug he gets. 

Chan looks a little bit to the side so he can get a reflection of you changing in the room, the towel you used laying on the ground after taking a shower. Without him. 

“Of course.It’s always heartwarming to meet with STAY’s. And the kids were so hyped about getting solo stages too.”

Now that just boils your blood. 

“Oh, were they?” You keep your back facing him,not letting him see how frustrated you really are about the game he’s playing. “They were doing an amazing job indeed.” You shut your eyes momentarily before putting on your velvet nightgown, and slowly walking towards the bathroom where your boyfriend is staying. 

“Yeah, I assume you saw mine too, right? Did you see the special makeup they did on me?” With pride he chuckles while putting away his shaving equipment, patting his dry as he picks up his toothbrush. His question should have a very easy and simple answer, yet here you are ready to give him a brainwash about not caring about your mental health. Cause what the hell was that? You can’t even form the offensive words you want to say to him out of frustration, you could never say anything negative about his performances in general — but the way he’s talking about it, so full of himself, you can’t help yourself. “I wonder who made all that.” It slips out, biting down on your lip softly to stop yourself from further embarrassment. 

“It must’ve been the makeup artist of course, but I could’ve done a better job if you ask me.” You step into the bathroom just as you finish your sentence, Chan unable to answer due to his mouth full with mint scented bubbles. 

As you want to pass behind him, you swipe your delicate fingers on his defined back muscles, the photos of him painted in scratches for the performance fills your vision. 

“Makeup was unnecessary,to be honest.” 

There’s something glinting in Chan’s eyes as a lopsided smile appears on his face, looking at you through the mirror placed above the bathroom counter. As the words leave your lips, he licks his plump lips slowly, putting away his toothbrush he just used. “If I had asked you, would you do it?” 

The air stops suddenly in your throat,taking your eyes off of him as you busy yourself with something else infront of you. “Well…it doesn’t matter now.” 

“Oh it does, honey.” Chan says lowly, his voice suddenly closer as you want it to, and you know perfectly he’s only a step away from you. “If I only knew my baby just wanted to help me out in my solo,” He snakes his arms around your waist slowly, his bare chest pressing into your clothed back as he’s standing behind you, whispering in your ear. “I could’ve used some help.” With that, he pressed a slow open mouth kiss on the side of your neck. his hands caressing the skin on your stomach. 

“Should we recreate it and show it to my makeup artist?”

Chan whispers against your ear, biting down slightly on your earlobe as he makes eye contact with you through the mirror. You look already disheveled just from his touch, your nightgown scrunched slightly up as he kneads your stomach, one of his hands slowly inching up to your breasts. “Would you like that, baby?” 

“I didn’t mean it like that, Chan – mhphm…” A small moan leaves your lips as he pinches your nipple in his slender fingers, continuing to make out with your neck as you try and compose yourself. 

“How did you mean it then?” He grunts out as you push your backside on his crotch, his cock twitching already in his sleeping pants at the thought of you being jealous. “Tell me.” 

“I–I just…” You try to form words, keeping yourself together and not yet falling for his words but then Chan sneakily slides his other down towards your waiting heat, his finger immediately meeting with slickness between your pussy lips. He groans again, grinding into your ass to ease the pain from being so hard. “Baby, if you want to scratch my back that badly just say it.” There’s something hiding behind his words which makes you shut your eyes from the pleasure he’s causing, your hands flying on the counter for support. “I kind of…wanted to..” Your breath hitches, cutting off your sentence when Chan flips your nightgown upwards to expose your wet pussy, your naked ass on display in front of him as he takes his hand away from your breast and caresses one of your cheeks. “You wanted what? Do you need some help darling?” He grunts under his breath when he feels you clench around his fingers, plugging it in and out to take your breath away. You moan out when you feel his fingers curl inside you, hitting that perfect spot that makes your back arch. 

But Chan doesn’t give in that easily. 

You suddenly feel a stinging pain on one of your cheeks, moaning out shamelessly from the sensation he just caused with his hand. When you pick your head up you see Chan already looking at you through the mirror, lust filled eyes raking over your already fucked out face. “Say it baby.” 

You can feel his hand smoothing over the place he just spanked, the air in the bathroom so humid you can feel yourself getting sweaty again. His finger never stopped working inside you, with that spank almost knocking you over the edge. 

When Chan doesn’t see you changing your mind and aófinally answers him, he only clicks his tongue and tilts his head to the side. Without a second thought, he slaps your ass again, his finger circling around your clit rapidly when he hears your pornographic moans echoing in the bathroom.

“I–I wanted to mark you!” 

And there it is. 

As you practically moan out the words, Chan’s finger is coated thickly with your cum as his words made you tip over the edge. Your whole body shaking in his arms as you come down your high slowly, trying to gather your thoughts and realizing what you just said.

When the words finally leave your mouth he can’t help but smirk, the possessive side of you finally showing for the first time in your relationship. “And why is that honey?” Chan teases you, seeing your ears red from the sudden confession you just made. 

“Just so everyone knows that you’re mine..” You mumble quietly, shame overcoming you as it paints your cheeks deep red. 

Something snaps inside Chan. He can’t help but groan out, his cock painfully hard against his pants as he turns you around and places his hands on your throat, slightly adding pressure on it. Before you know it, you’re pressed up against the wall, his lips already chasing yours. 

“Do it baby.” He kisses you, his tongue sneaks through his lips to taste your lip balm you applied earlier he loves so much. “I want you to do your worst on me,” He whispers between kisses, his hand suddenly picking you up to put your legs around his waist. Your whole body welcomes him, your mouth opens as he slides his tongue inside once again, and your fingers landing into his freshly washed hair as he devours your lips. His hand scrunches up your gown once again before he presses his hardness into your slick core. 

At the contact you moan out loudly, already wanting him inside you, to ease your pain that he caused. 

“Feel that baby? It’s all yours. Nobody else has that but you.” 

With a whine you throw your head on the wall, Chan’s lips continuing to leaves red splotches on your sensitive skin as he takes his hand and pushes down his boxers, hissing out the minute the air hits his precum covered cock, tip red from all the waiting and veins bulging with excitement. 

He drags his wet tip over your puffy lips, spreading them open more to make room for himself when he circles around your clit. As he slides his length between your folds, you feel all emotions gather up inside you, the feeling too hazy as your vision becomes blurry from the need. “Channie,,please..” 

“‘s okay baby,I’ll give it to you.” He chants when he finally pushes his tip inside you, groaning out from you uncontrollably clenching around his cock when he nearly settles halfway in. “You have to relax,angel. You make it impossible for me to–”

“Chan — I’m so sorry, I–” He hears you gasp out, your body all tensed up, your eyes wide open as you look into the mirror across you. He looks swiftly behind him to see your naked bodies melted into one, and then it catches his eye. 

With one thrust he settles fully inside you, moaning from how incredibly tight you are around his length, keeping himself back to not buckle into you rapidly. He puts his hand on your chin, making you look into his eyes and not on his blood covered back. “I asked you to do this, right?” With a softened gaze, he makes sure you understand what he’s saying, not taking his eyes off of you until he sees your lust filled expression again instead of worry ones. “Right baby?”

“Y-yes..” You gulp when you see your fingers slightly covered in red around his neck. “But I didn’t want to-”

“It’s fucking hot.” He hisses, his voice whinier than usual as he puts his forehead on your chest, his hips starting to move. “You did such a great job sweetheart.” He pulls completely out before thrusting into you again, this time harsher as he hears your cries next to his ears. 

When you take another look in the mirror, you see what you just caused. The moment you felt his cock hitting you so deeply you couldn't help but deepen your nails into his skin on his broad back, now covered with blood here and there. It softly dribbles down his defined muscles, and Chan is right. It is fucking hot. 

So you clench around him again when you feel his fingers circling around your clit, his cock hitting the perfect spot as he moans out your name. “Do it again.” He demands, his hand flying on the wall next to your head to thrust up harder into you, making you roll your eyes. As you see Chan so deeply in emotions you scratch his back again, now only deep redness showing on his pale skin. 

The pain on his skin makes him inch closer to his release. The jerks of his hips, slamming against your hips are quickening, becoming more erratic, intense and desperate. You cry out his name nonstop, feeling him twitching inside you. 

“Give it to me.” He’s breathless as he chants into the side of your neck. “I need you to come around my cock baby.” 

His demand tips you over the edge again, moaning out his name as you feel him curl against you, his shoulders on display for you to see what you painted on his back. His grunts are vibrating through your body, the pain melting into pleasure as he paints your insides with his thick cum, feeling so full of him, feeling him everywhere. Chan bites down softly on your skin,kissing the pain away quickly as you both come down from this high. 

You are his. He made sure a long time ago, but now, you made sure he was yours too as you watch the crimson red blood slowly sliding down his back, gathering it on your fingers.

“It took a solo stage for you to claim me as yours?” Chan asks when he softly puts you down on the bathroom counter, a bright smile painting his face once again.

like and reblog is much appreciated! ♡

divider by:@enchanthings

[ladyoftheblades]

comfort

aegontargaryen x aemondswife!reader

synopsis: the war had caused a shift in aemond, brothel visits, questionable behaviour toward his family most of all his brother, and now news of his lover. his wife had had enough, turning her attention to a lover of her own,none other than the king

a/n: i really hate this but wanted to get it out of the way to focus on new things 😙i finished this drunk off of cosmopolitans and crying my eyes out about my fate, so maybe aegons breakdown is a little ooc.hope you enjoy anyway. ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE and im dyslexic.

warnings: smut, p in v, dacryphilia, mutual cheating, descriptions of wounds and scars(not too much tho)

it was a young and uneasy night, sunrays still gracing the sky, dousing kings landing in twilight. the princess sat at the library, the book in her hands long cast aside in favour of staring out of the window. it was a useless thing anyhow, having done little to ease her worries. today was the day she was excpecting news of her husband, aemond targaryen, to arrive from harrenhall.

she knew the rumors surrounding the castle, it was a cursed place, full of mysteries and withcraft. it was especially dangerous for targaryens, since the time of the conquest when aegon burned it down.

aemond had gone to claim it in his brothers name. but the hour ran late yet the messenger had not come. she sat and stared, all of the worst scenarios playing in her head, turning and swirling her thoughts, sending waves of nausea to her stomach.

truth be told, her husband had displayed some very unusual behaviour of late. since the murder of luke by aemonds own hand, he had taken to visiting a brothel in the city. her immediate reaction was one of anger but once her confidants informed her he was visiting the same madam, a woman named silvy, the one who lay with him for the fist time when he was but a child of three and ten, she understood. his actions were not born of lust but of trauma. he had always treated her with respect and love, so in spite of her initial anger she found it in her heart to forgive him, to overlook his slight.

but his strange behaviour had not ended there. the war was taking a toll on him, she could tell. he always had a violent streak, yet he held great mastery over it, always calm and collected, only rarely losing control. the war brought out those tendansies, warping him into a beast of unquenched anger. after the battle of rooks rest, due to his brothers injuries he had been named prince regent which only expedited the change in him.

the battle of rooks rest was the oddest of the ocuurances. princess rhaenys had passed, killed by the joined efforts of aemond and aegon, the king and his dragon sustained grave injuries, incapacitating them fully, yet aemond and vaghar came out of it almost completely unscathed. the lady attempted to coax her husband into talking about the battle, yet every mention of it caused him to break out in a fit of anger or storm out of the room immedietly.

not one soul but aemond could give a complete account of the events, for the king refused to speak with anyone, stating he needed rest. but the account aemond gave was....lackluster. something was off, piesces loose on the tapestry he had paited of the events. if one could poke at it it was sure to come undone, yet the regent allowed none of it. the small council could raise little question, he was -for all intents and purposes- their soveirgn after all.

time went on, the sun hiding behind the western sea, taking all semblances of light with it, the sky now completely black. quite an unpleasant sight. a knock sounded at the door, the princesses heart began to race with unparalleled anxiety "enter, please" she shouted.

she had excpected an envoy from harenhall, one appointed by her, yet none came, in stepped the master of whisperers, lord larys strong. "my lady" he greeted, giving his best bow. "lord larys. i excpected an envoy from harenhall, have you come in his stead ?"

"yes, my lady" he walked further into the room, slowly reaching her spot by the window, taking a seat with great effort. "i must inform you, the nature of the information...is quite sensitive" her anxiety shot through the roof, chest thumping at a hundred kilometers an hour.

"has something happened to my husband ?" she said urgently. "do not fret my lady, the regent is in good health" the air shifted, her anxiety had calmed but something else, something more unsettling took over. what could possibly be of such sensitive nature ?

"go on" she said. "my informats have made me aware of the princes recent behaviours, since taking control of the caste, maybe even pre-"

"oh quit your theatrics and spit it out" her tone was now damn near yelling. the man infrotny of her was stalling, but games of court had no place in the concerns of a wife at alarm. larys took a deap breath "your husband has taken a lover, her name is alys rivers. i am told she works as a milkmaid in the castle, though rumors have it she is a witch"

her heart almost stopped. a lover ? she could excuse silvy, they shared a certain history. a lover ? a paramour ? one that was unpaid, and there to whisper in his ears the gods only know what ? too far. she stood up suddently and began to pace back and forth infron of the window. she continued that way quite a while, not uttering a single word, only flailing her hands in erratic movements, trying to wrap her head around the information, attempting to make sense of the storm of information now revealed to her. larys remained calm. his composure was almost...unnerving.

eventually he attempted to pull her out of her trance "i understand this must come as quite a shock, shall i call for a maester my lady ?" she halted her movements immedietly, regaining contact with reality, yet ever in internal disarray. "no, that is quite alright my lord. who else knows of this ?"

"no one, of yet. i came to inform you first, though i doubt it will remain private for much longer" she looked to larys, a knowing look in his mischievous eyes. information was his trade, and he had provided elite services, a reward was in order. "i thank you for your service lord larys, you may take your leave, your loyalty will not be forgotten, i assure you" with that he was satisfied, giving a final bow, he exited.

with the bang of the door agains its frame announcing larys exit, the emotions hit her all the same. what was she to do ? this was not her husband. war changed the souls of men, bringing forth the worst of their humanity. the brothels she could forgive, the anger excuse, hells she could even overlook the lover, but all three combined ? an insult. a hurtfull, heartbreaking insult, one that could not go unaccouted for.

she had yet to bear aemond any children, if this whore were to come with child, if she was to have a son, it would put her position in danger. semblances of solutions to mend the problem, to find her an explaination at the lest, flew around in her mind, yet she was far too disturbed to give any of them proper consideration. still in that strange trance of betrayal, she began to walk.

her feet acted on their own, unattatche dand seemingly unaffected by the storm that was her mind. they took her out of the library, tracing a path around the red keep. she walked and walked and the more she walked the more she thought and the more she thought the clearer her head became.

power was getting to aemonds head but he was not the ultimate authority, the king was. the root of her husbands behaviour was the death, or rather the murder, of lucerys but rooks rest was the turning point. if he would not provide an explaination, his brother would.

she had shared few words with her brother in law, far and inbetween, aemond always coming inbetween them to root out whatever semblance of a relationship they began to create before it could sprout. but he was pleasant, a little inappropriate in his jests and brash to a fault. he spoke his mind, did as he pleased, with no mind for consequences. the only thing that kept him alive quite frankly, was his position as the fist son, now king. all those qualities, once considered faults, now sounded refreshing. a stark contrast to the lies and masked intentions of others.

the king had locked himself away from the world following the battle of rooks rest. she had heard the whispers of his state, his appearance made up to be groutesque and unnerving. "unlike anything come of our realm" she had overheard one maidservant say.

she traced a path to the kings chambers. security was never strong in the keep anyway and she had memorised the schedule of the changing guard. she reached the hallway of his chambers just as the guards were tuning the other end.

she hadnt much time, begining to advance when suddently three maids exited the chambers in coplete dissaray, clothes soaked and the king audibly yelling from inside the rooms. they began to run in the opposite direction, their voices somewhere between whispers and shrieks, full of terror. something was amiss with the king, even mose so than usual. no matter, she could use the opportunity.

slowly she walked to the rooms, quietly slipping through the door.

"I SAID LEAVE" shouted aegon imedietly upon sensing her presance. the sight infront of her was truly something... the king lay in his tub, his back to her, watter spilled all around, no doubt by whatever had transipired beforehand. his body had been badly burned, maelys managed to damage his body so much, armour melted into his skin. even with his back to her, tub obscuring his visage, the damage to his shoulder and neck was visible.

she took a step forth "im sorry to disturb your grace though i believe you never asked me to exit". upon hearing her voice aegon made an attempt to crane his neck and look at her, the tension to his burns making him wince in pain, immedietly turning back around.

"please, your grace, do not exert yourself" she said, tentatively approaching. she soon reached him, finally able to look at him whole. the water obscured his visage from the waist down but the sight of his face and chest made her heart swell with hurt. the burns consumed the entire left side of his chest, expanding to his neck, fully engulfing the side of his face, even parts of his nose.

thought what struck her most was not his gruesome burns, he was far from such. in spite of the burns his face held a certain beauty, even on the scarred side.

he moved, ignoring the pain, turning away from her quizical gaze. "please, leave, just leave..." none of the previous anger was present, voice laced with only sadness and embarassment. he was voulnerable, oh so voulnerable, exposed, completely at the mercy of the world and his surroundings. she took the kings aversion as a challenge. "oh your grace, please, allow me"

she fell to her knees, the fabric of her dress becoming wet at contact with the floor. "i have no need of your pity" he muttered, face still turned. "i do not pity you, your grace, the scars of war are to be worn as a badge of honor, as proof of your bravery"

she could not see his face still but something told her he did not share that same oppinion. his burns had healed in their majority, forming an angry red scar. some areas remained sensitive, mostly underneath his arm, must be the parts where metal melted into him, she thought. she looked to the desk behind her, an assortment of ointments placed atop.

she looked to the labels on them, spotting one which wrote "after bath". she took it and oppened the top, the smell surprisingly pleasant. "did the maesters instruct a certain ammount be used ?" aegon shook his head no. he was still somewhat uneasy, yet did not deny the assistance.

she put some on her hands and began to apply it to his torso. it must have worked instantaniously for the king eased, becoming accostumed to her presance, and moved his head to finally look at her. she did not return his gaze however, only continuing her movements.

he studied her hands with searing intensity, periodicaly giving satisfied hums. they kept like that a while, the king growing more and more comfortable as time went on. untill she reached his face.

by now it was near impossible not to look at him, yet she resisted. she completed his cheek, and moved to the area around his eye. before she could contunue though, he raised his good hand from the water and grabed hers. his fingers wrapped around her wrist threatening to leave a bruise. she paused, ever so cautious. "y-your grace, i cannot continue if-"

"Look at me." he comanded. she complied, finally looking in his eyes. they were absolutely beautifull, grayish blue hues morroring those of the sea on a moody day, color only accentuated by the candelight. they hid something, something intense yet he dared not reveal it to her, as if her learning of it would embarass him.

"what do you see when you look at me ?" he asked. she was somewhat taken aback by such a question, still she made no attempt to back away, in too deep already. whatever the king wanted she had to comply with. she took a moment to think, knowing the wrong answer might cost her her life. " a boy"

"is that how you see your king truly ? as a boy ?"

"my king is a fierce and brave warrior forged by fire and blood, the one infront of me named aegon targaryen is a boy"

his face began to change, the walls built around his soul slowly coming down, eyes verging on betraying their secret. he removed his hand from her wrist, allowing her to contunie apllying the ointment. she brought her hand forth to his eye, the king leaving a sigh of relief, tilting his head back. she turned around to place the jar to its place, by the time she turned to aegon once again he was looking right at her, head tilted back, eyes dark and playfull. if she looked closely she could even see a smile playing at his lips.

"comfortable, your grace ?" she said, attempting to match his playfulness. he gave a chuckle "very. you my lady ?"

"very" she mirrored his reply. she closed the distance between them, now putting her hand on the good side of his chest, begining to rub soothing circles on his alabaster skin. he enjoyed the contact, she could tell, the smile on his lips turning from one of mischief to one of satisfaction. she knew she could not keep it up for long, her visit was now devoid of purpose, she would have to come up with soemthing quick-

"i never did ask, why are you here ?" he broke her train of thought. she stopped the movement of her hand, moving it instead to play with his hair.

"i have been discarded by my husband im afraid and ... i understood you to be in a similar position. i thought... i thought maybe we could be alone together" she looked straight to his eyes as she uttered that, finalising her last word with an afectionate tuck of his hair beneath his ear. she waited, frozen, afraid of having said the wrong thing, the one that would set him off. yet as time passed, tortourously, kicking her gut harder and harder as it went on, his demeanor went unchanged.

"at first you think me a boy, and now discarded. i ought to have your tongue for that" he moved his hand, the scarred one, to cradle her chin as he delivered his words. yet his toutch was neither threatening, nor malicious. no, he was playing, he wanted a game but more than that.... he was looking for something in her. comfort she had provided already, trust, perhaps ?

she made no attempt to remove her face from his hand, the contact sending shocks through her body... it had been a while since her and her husband had been intimate... the sole attention of the king was something else entirely. "are you not, then ? discarded ? are you not lonely ?"

the game was on. he seized her up, looking to find what he wanted, she spoke again "if you have no need of company, should i take my leave ?" immedietly his fingers dug into her skin "i said no such thing" she gave a smile of satisfaction.

"you admit it then, you are lonely, just as i" her voice was laced with nothing but warmth, coaxing out of aegon his true nature, breaking down any remainants of walls around his heart. "just as you" he spoke, voice but a whisper, a glint of recognition in his eyes.

"we are one in the same. i see you as you are" her words rang true, they were one in the same, cast aside, stripped of their agency, starved of affection, all due to aemond. a wave of boldness washed over her. she moved closer to aegon, head resting on his shoulder, cautious not to disturb any parts not yet healed.

"why did you so rudely dismiss your maids ?" he took in a sharp breath "they thought of me as a beast. i saw it in their eyes, the disgust. besides, they knew not what they were doing, before they even began i could smell the incompetence. i could not allow they stay"

"then why allow me ?" she said, craning her head, looking now to his eyes. "i can trust you. as you said... you see me." she gave a small smile. he drank up the encouragement like a man starved.

"we may help eachother then. i see something troubles you, tell me my king, how may i be of assistance ?"

"my troubles are no secret, these scars trouble me, my face, my... my incapacitation." "oh aegon" she uttered quickly, moving from her spot on the floor, still on her knees, standing behind her king now, hands snaking around his shoulders unashamedly. her head went to his good side, chin toutching shoulder. "aemond may be regent but you... you remain king. ofcourse you are capable, you may rule from your own bed if you wish, council be damned."

a sob rattled his body. she pressed her arms further into him, attempting to stiffle his sadness for every tear of his shook her to her core. something about this man, with all the power of the realm at his fingertips being so voulnerable, putting his heart in her hands and trusting her to protect it, something aemond had not once done, it made her wish to hold onto him and never let go.

he began to weep openly, hiding his face in the crook of her arms. everyone looked at him and saw only what they wanted, be it a king, a rake, an incompetent fool... no one saw him for him, not even his own mother could recognise the pain festering in his body, the unfairness of the situation she put him in. he was given all the power in the realm with no say of his own fate. destined to live a life soely for the sake of others, faithfully serving the realm, his family, his mother, his counsil, never making a choice for his own. and then he was punished for it, punished for all he had no input in, by none other than his own brother, his own blood. ofcourse she knew naught of it, but the way she held him, so tight, so firm, as if she would take away all his pain and pour the love of the world on his skin the same way she had done that ointment, it only made him want to cry more, overwhelmed by the emotion.

she held him close and did not let go, not when the tears ran a salty stream on his face, not when the snot began to fill his nose,making his sobs sound all the more pathetic, not when his hands left bruising marks on her arms, possesively keeping them close, afraid they would be taken from him. she only endured, giving small tuts and shushes as well as little praises here and there.

eventually his sobs ceased, leving him sensitive, puffy faced and shuddering. she tennatively pulled her arms away, much to aegons disapointment, moving to the table once again,bringing a clean piece of cloth to his face. he took it greatfully and began to clean it somewhat.

"your grace ?"

"i just try so hard, all i do i do to please but-" tears threatened once again to spill from his pretty eyes, the princess would do anything to prevent such a thing.

"your grace, aegon, you neednt please anyone, you are far from perfect but you deserve to be treated well, to have your sacrifices recognised"

"they do not respect me"

"fuck them then. you are king, you may impose your authority over the council, you have a mind and a heart, and you can make as strategic a descision as any of them. i will be the fist to support you" his gaze fell to hers, blue eyes further acentuated by the redness brought about by his tears, mouth slightly open, heavy breaths escaping with great difficulty, his eyes from hers to her lips, to her eyes again. she moved her face forward, minimising the distance between them.

she thought of the correct words to say to comfort him, any plan of coaxing truth out of him long forgotten. she had come in with a plan, but his behaviour, his trust in her washed all of that away. she thought yet no words came to he

"aemond is a fool to hurt you"

"aemond is a fool to undermine you" his body reacted on its own, as if possesed by the emotions rooted in his chest so deep and so intense no logic could reach them, and so he kissed her.

his lips were so soft, having been spared, they moved on hers, full of raw intensity. practice attempted to prevail, aegons many conquests having taught him all he needed, yet could not, overrun by emotion. he had no control of his movements, kissing her now like a knight sworn to celibacy, unacustomed to the woea of women, wishing only to express his courtly love.

she pressed onto him harder, taking control of the kiss, hands falling to his face, one on his good side immedietly gripping his jaw, giving back the same desperation he had shown. immedietly upon the contact he oppened his mouth, leaving a whine and allowing her tongue acess. her other hand, ever so carefull not to hurt him, gently rested on his jaw, affraid of horting him.

he broke the kiss, speaking in between pants " my face is-is healed, do not hesitate just toutch me-" and so she did, ever so eager to please her king. the kiss deepened, all the sloppier, all the more desperate, all the more emotional, untill it was not enough to express their devotion.

"are-uh- are other... areas..healed, of yet ?" his face franticaly moving up and down, "yes, all the areas-" he chuckled, a hearty chuckle, such a lovely sound "all the areas of interest are healed, please "

she understood. she rose to her feet and began undoing her gown. aegon watched from his seat, staring patiently, adoration filling his beautifull ocean eyes. it took her a bit to undo the back laces of the dress, she hastily tore it from her body, heavy fabric immedietly falling to the floor, leaving her in only her small clothes, a sheer gown, off white in color, devoid of embelishments, but softly draping over her form.

her body was a painting, brought before aegon to feast his eyes upon. his patience was wearing thin. he moved his hand to toutch her, blocked by her stepping back "please, my king, allow me" he gave a small pout, obeying none the less.

she spared no time in giving him what he wanted, fulfilling finally their shared wish. one leg at a time, she entered the still-somehwat-warm water but faltered, hesitating to put her weight on him,ever so afraid of causing aegon pain.

he sensed her hesitation "its ok, just toutch me, please" desperation filled his body, threatening to chocke him, laced in every word from his lips.

she brought their faces together again, his mouth spilling desperation into hers with every kiss. her hands became unafraid, egged on by aegons words, resting on his chest, one of them reaching further and further down, tracing featherlike lines with her fingers, untill they reached where she wanted. she took aegons cock in one hand, halfhard already, leading him to release a pleading whimper. "good boy" she uttered.

caution thrown to the wind, the praise getting to his head, aegon moaned oppenly. as she began to stroke him, his moans got more and more desperate, each movement of her wrist sending waves of pleasure to his body. much like her he had been starved of affection, all sort of affection, he was desperate to take whatever she was willing to give. "oh gods-"

she shushed him by graciously placing her lips on his, resuming their previous kisses. but it was nowhere near enough for aegon. his hands found purchase on her gown, bunching up the fabric, tugging desperatly. he wanted, nay needed more. he began to tug the gown upwards, a pleading movement, asking of her to be as voulnerable as himself. she was oh so ready to provide.

she took his hands into hers, guiding them to take the gown off, finally it went up, revealng her stomach and breasts to him. immedietly he moved, taking her form into his arms, placing kisses on her colarbone, wasting no time to go lower and lower, reaching her breasts. he took a nipple in his mouth suching in tandem with her thrusts. the princess threw her head back, moaning with her full chest, uncaring of the world around them.

her hand never faltered, his cock began to twitch with his impending release. he detatched from her body, panting like a dog on a dry day, each inhale sending waves of equal parts oxygen and lust in his brain, making his vision hazy. he was not ready to give her up yet.

"p-please, please, im close"

she halted her movements. aegons disapointment traced a path from his abdomen all the way to his throat, releasing a pained whine. his hands moved on her back, clutching her sides for support, the pleasure so rudely torn from him and the previous exhaustion, leaving him stranded in the storm that is the haze in his mind.

"why my darling ? did, did i do something ?" it came out almost more as a cry than a question. "no, aegon, ofcourse not, youre perfect"

his chest fell in relief, lips immedietly finding hers, a kiss of graditude. a kiss of praise. "but im not done with you quite yet. i only wish to please my king after all"

her hand moved to his cock again, she pulled her hips down simultaniously, guiding it to her entrance. his tip barely teased her entrance and he was already a goner. he thrust his hips upwards, chasing the contact he craved so much. "patience, your grace"

she moved his tip forth, coming into contact with her pearl, sending jolts of pleasure to both of them. aegon was on the verge of becoming undone, barely clinging onto his sanity. she gave him a tutt, looking down onto her voulnerable king, his eyes already on hers, looking through his lashes, void of inhibitions and filled with unimaginable lust.

"please" he whispered, begging, such a man brought down by one woman, broken down onto the barest pesces of his soul by the world, pu to gether again by her toutch. "yes, your grace"

finally, finally, she brought her hips down. his cock entered inch by excruciating inch, untill finally she settled, having taken him whole. she resisted moving though, taking strands of silver hair on the nape of his neck, tugging his head to her chest, burrying it between her breasts. his desperatuon had reached a tipping point, this simple act sending him over the edge, sobs wreacking his body once again.

"ooh, my boy, did i pain you ?"

"it just, it feels good. youre so good to me" he muttered, head still buried in her chest and burrowing further, leaving sloppy kisses on her flesh and sucking marks surely with the intent to leave a reminder of him. "aww my darling, do not fret, i will take care of you, just you wait"

she gave his head little reassuring scratches, attempting to ground him somewhat, preparing the boy under her for what was to come. cautiously she began to move her hips. the sobs wrecking her own body just as much as his, only giving her more courage.

the water of the tub began to sway, more and more and more, she picked up her pace, moving her hands through his back, tracing the rough parts of his scars, the sensitivity of those areas adding to his pleasure. her pace picked up further, frantic hip movements rocking the entirety of the tub, the furniture begining to scratch against the floor.

aegon could take it no longer, amidst sobs and moans he began to move is own hips, matching the pace of the princess. his movements executed with no semblance of grace nor purpose, only focused on his own pleasure, seeking retribution for his lost orgasm.

the tub rocked, water splashing all around, aegons sobs turned to little whimpers, salty tears mixing with his spit on his ongoing assault to her chest. her movements began to falter, close to finishing, the white-hot pleasure in her abdomen threatening to burst. her body began to tremble lightly, yet she kept her composure, still in servitude of her king. he was in no better state, cock begining to twitch once again.

he was so so close, and not about to stand for this one to be taken away from him aswell. she took notice of the familiar signs he displayed "im close, aegon, so close"

he took this as a sign to let go, holding her body down with all the strength he could muster, forcefully, halting her movements, selfish for once, taking what he wanted. her orgasm hit her with that final forcefull push on his cock, pleasure exploding from her abdomen, rocking her body while from toes to fingers, face twisting in an expression of absolute extasy, brows knitted together and mouth slightly agape. aegon peeked from her chest, looking up to her face, illuminated by the candles, light softly cradling her features, exposing to his hungry eyes her beautifull expression, the mutters from his mouth a prayer to her beauty.

his own orgasm took over his body, sending a final sob through his mouth, a final wave of tears to his eyes, hot seed spilling inside of her.

they stayed that way a while, her hands cradling his head, his own softening on her hips, softly massaging them, attoning for the shelfish way he had taken his pleasure.

she craned her head down, giving a final kiss to his lips, soft and innocent, unlike any previously shared. he looked so utterly mesmerised by her, though he would not say it, she knew, the same as he did, she kew this meant so much to him. they remained that way, sitting in their understanding, she would do anything for her king and he anything for his lover.

she had come in search of answers to her husbands behaviour yet was left with something different, better. she had gained an ally, more than, she had gained her first genuine friend, her very own lover.

[annwrites]

i’m fuckin’ begging you

— pairing: billy hargrove x fem!reader

— type: part of a series

— summary: the morning after you & billy have your first intimate moment together, it's like he's reverted back to who he was in hawkins. you go to a drive-in theater that night in tx with him & have a mental breakdown in a restroom over his treatment of you. he then shows you his love in shades of black & blue, & when you go to finally leave for good, he tells you just who it is, exactly, that you belong to.

— tags: billy going back to being a MASSIVE asshole bc he's terrified of commitment & vulnerability. billy gets into his first fist-fight over you. billy staking a claim. ANGST.

— tw: drugs, violence

— word count: 7.4k

— a/n: yeah, he's toxic, but we're all about that on this blog, so.

The smell of salt air wafts into the Camaro's cabin, and the sound of crashing waves and the call of seagulls envelope the two of you. You'd finally made it. Billy was home and you'd stayed with him every mile of the way. You were his. Completely.

He sits in the front seat of his Camaro, you atop him in his lap, legs spread, him buried inside of your warm wetness. He grips your bare hips under your sundress, gently rocking your hips against him.

He reaches up, cupping your cheek, your soft hair tumbling over your slender shoulders as you smile warmly down at him, eyes full of adoration, kindness, care. When had someone last looked at him in such a way? No judgement, no hatred, no harsh words or actions against him.

"Billy." You call softly to him.

He tucks a lock of hair behind your ear. "Say it, baby, please. I need to hear it."

You reach up, resting your left hand atop his shoulder, fingers burying themselves in his hair, a silver ring glinting against the bright California sun high in the sky, a breeze washing over both of you through the open windows.

"Billy," you say again, sweetly.

His other hand that's not cupping your face gently squeezes your hip. "Please, angel, no one has said it to me since my mom left. Please... I feel it, too."

"Billy."

As you continue rocking your hips against his, his brows furrow. Something isn't right. Doesn't feel right.

"Billy."

His eyes slowly open, sunlight streaming in from a window to his right and you're hovering overtop of him, brows furrowed. "Hey, you need to get up. We have to be checked out soon."

He sits up suddenly, pushing you away from him, nearly causing you to fall off of the bed. "Get the fuck off of me," he says, standing.

You roll your eyes. Clearly not a morning person you now knew.

"Good morning to you, too," you say sarcastically.

He turns back to you. "What time is it?"

"Twenty till."

"Why the fuck did you let me sleep so long?"

You withdraw a little at his harsh, aggressive tone. "You were tired and I just wanted to let you rest."

He walks over to his bag.

"Don't worry, I got all our stuff together."

He turns back to you with a sneer. "You went through my shit?"

Your hands begin to shake. Where was the Billy from last night? You were so sure things would be far different today. Going forward in general. Easier, sweeter, kinder.

You stand. "No, I just put your things away. I didn't go through it. I was trying to be nice."

He unzips it, pulling out an outfit, dressing himself, not looking at you. "Get your shit and get down to the car."

You walk over to your bags, shrugging them on. You don't speak to him again as you open the door. Before you can step over the threshold, he calls to you.

You look back to him, hopeful for an apology.

Instead, he says, "Don't ever touch my things again. Got it?"

You nod, then exit the room.

You sit silently in the passenger seat as Billy crosses the Texas border—his tire had been ready to go before the two of you even pulled up to the auto shop. And once the car was ready, he'd immediately hit the road, not even bothering to stop somewhere for breakfast.

You glance to him out of the corner of your eye and wonder if maybe his attitude was from a hangover instead. He hadn't seemed drunk. And while you had a slight headache, you felt fine yourself. If you weren't hungover, then surely he wouldn't be either. Would he?

"Are you okay?" You ask quietly.

He glances to you, then looks back to the road. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You're...you seem upset."

He rolls his eyes. "Just tired of being stuck in this fuckin' car all the time and having to do all the driving and every ounce of the work around here."

You wince. "I would if I knew how..." You say softly.

"Yeah, well, you don't. And I'm not about to start teaching you so you can burn up the fucking clutch, causing just one more problem to be added onto my plate."

You look out the windshield, tears burning your eyes. "Do...do you regret last night?"

He grows quiet for a moment, jaw flexing. Hard. Then, "Like I told you before, shit like that doesn't mean anything to me. We both got off. Doesn't need to be more than that."

Your lip quivers and you look out the passenger side window at the other passing cars, your stomach tying itself in knots now. How could you have ever trusted him in allowing him to touch you like that? He'd told you what sex—any kind—meant to him. He was consistent in that at least .

He then reaches over, retrieving a cassette from the glovebox and pops it in the radio, Metallica's For Whom the Bell Tolls blaring through the speakers.

When Billy stops to get gas, you watch from the rearview mirror as he eyes up other girls walking around in Daisy Dukes, mini skirts, and the like. Even whistling his approval at a couple. A tear slips down your cheek and you wipe it away.

Once the car has finished filling, he goes inside and you hang your head, crying softly for just a moment. How could you have ever done that? He'd told you his intentions in getting you drunk—he'd done it to take advantage and he had.

You hadn't felt that way while it was happening, though.

What you had felt had been…something more. You couldn’t acknowledge what. Not now. Not ever.

You’d finally given him exactly what he’d wanted since day one—another notch in his belt, just for you. Well, perhaps not exactly, but something. You felt dirty.

Used.

Cheap. 

Pathetic.

Had the things he’d told you while drinking even been true? About his mom? About how he felt about you? You begin to doubt every single thing he’s said and done since you first met. Or, at the very least, since you got into his car that night.

When you glance in the side mirror, you see him heading back and you quickly gather yourself as best you can manage, not looking his way as he enters the car.

He tosses a plastic bag full of junk food between the two of you, but you somehow know you’re not to touch it. 

“I’m hungry, too,” you say softly.

He takes a bite of a Snickers, then glances up to you. “Your legs aren’t broken and you have cash. Go get somethin’.”

You exit the car then, carefully closing the door behind you.

“Hey!”

You turn back to him, leaning down to the window. 

He leans across the way toward you. “From now on, you start paying for all your own shit. I’m done being your meal ticket. Got it?”

You nod, staying silent. You stand, turning away, then hear him yell “hurry up” as you head inside.

Feeling…not like yourself, you stare blankly at the selection of chips in front of you. Your stomach growls, but you feel like whatever you eat will just come right back up. 

You then walk up front to the attendant behind the counter. “Excuse me?”

The older man turns to you, pausing from putting away cigarette cartons. 

“Do you have a public restroom I could use?” 

He nods toward the back left. 

“Thank you,” you say, walking away.

Once inside, you lock the door behind you, pressing your forehead to it, your sweaty palm slipping off of the metal handle as you begin to cry. Hard.

Your head spins with so many thoughts you’re unable to grab a single one to focus on before the next one hits you. 

You wonder if, perhaps, you should’ve stayed in Hawkins—who cared what happened to you in the long run, anyway? You think of your mother, wondering if she ever cared for you, if she ever thinks of you as often as you do her. You think of Steve and how, while he’d only seen you as a friend and you felt the same toward him, it was someone like him that you needed—someone kind and considerate and non-violent.

You think of Billy and how you had been right to see him as a monster. Had been right to stay away from him in the first place. 

God, what had you done to yourself agreeing to get in his car that night? How much better off would you be right now if you’d kept walking instead? You’d had another opportunity on the interstate, but had caved yet again, returning to him. 

You’re not sure you can hold out until California. Parting ways before then…it may be for the best sooner rather than later. For your own safety, if nothing else.

Surviving your father had taken everything in you. But now you had nothing—truly. A few hundred waning dollars, a watch to pawn, and some clothes. That was it.

You suddenly feel terrified for your future. 

You take a moment to gather yourself, realizing you’re now hyper-ventilating and you turn the sink on and splash handful after handful of cold water onto your flushed face, washing the tears away.

When you return to the car, Billy immediately makes a snide comment. “Took long enough. I thought you were getting somethin’ to eat?”

You stare out the window at a happy couple across the way, knowing you’ll never have that. You’re too broken for it. 

“They didn’t have anything I wanted.”

“Whatever,” he says, turning the car over. 

As he begins to drive away, you finally tear your eyes away from the man and woman and suddenly realize: there’s not a single person in all the world who loves or cares about you.

You want to throw yourself from the moving car at the thought.

A couple hours later and you’re beginning to feel sick from the heat, but remain quiet. You should’ve at least gotten a bottle of water or two back at the station, but you’d had other things on your mind. 

Billy glances to you, your sullen state, and rolls his eyes. “You’re really starting to harsh my fuckin’ buzz. The hell is the matter with you today? I know it’s not your monthly or I would’ve found out as much last night with my hand between your legs.”

You feel sick at the memory. “I just don’t feel well.”

“Maybe it’s because you didn’t bother to grab anything while I waited for your ass back at the Exxon.”

You stay quiet, tears burning your eyes. 

He tosses a bag of Doritos at you. “Here, eat those. Even if they are fuckin’ mine.”

He only notices how badly your hands are shaking when you try opening the bag. 

He frowns, turning back to the road as you begin to eat one.

"Thanks," you say softly.

An hour later, Billy finally stops and you’re now seated so far away from him, you’re damn-near climbing out the window. 

He slams his door behind him, leaving you sitting there as he walks up to a taco stand, ordering lunch for himself.

You nearly stumble out of the car, dizzy from your low blood-sugar, but trail along behind him and then order a couple tacos for yourself. 

You go to follow him to a table, until he walks over to a blonde girl who’s wearing a pair of colorful shorts and a tye-dye t-shirt, asking if the seat across from her is free.

You sit some ways away, taking occasional bites of your food, sipping at your water, trying to keep everything down. You grip the edge of the table, taking deep breaths.

You’re fine. You’ll be fine.

You have no other choice now but to be. 

Unless…what if you bought a bus ticket? If you went back…what would happen to you? Would…would your dad follow through on his threat? 

Tears sting your eyes when you wonder what your gravestone would say. Certainly not ‘beloved daughter’.

You push your food away, lying your head down, fighting against your gag reflex.

Billy sits across the way, flirting with the girl in front of him. 

“So, do you live around here?” She asks, taking a bite of her food. 

“Nah, doll, I’m just passin’ through.”

He glances to you for just a moment and his brows furrow when he sees you hunched over, face buried in your arms, taking shallow breaths.

She turns, following his line-of-sight, then looks back to him. “Are you with her?”

He smirks, looking to Candy—Candace—he forgets what the fuck she’d told him her name was now. “Not like that. I’ll be rid of her ass once we hit California.” 

He ignores his stomach twisting painfully when he says it.

“Oh, wow. Long ways to go, huh?”

He shrugs, leaning in toward her. “No reason we can’t get to know one another now.”

She laughs, shaking her head and standing, tossing her paper plate in the trash. “Sorry, but I’m not like that. Good luck getting to Cali, though!”

He sighs as she walks away, his eyes trained on her back-end, even if it doesn’t serve to stir any excitement within him.

He comes over to you then, seating himself heavily on the other side of the metal picnic table. “What? Are you sick?”

You don’t respond. 

He reaches for your food. “If you’re not eating it, then I am. No point in letting it go to waste.”

Still nothing and he wonders if you’ve fallen asleep, until you finally raise your head and he feels the blood drain from his face at the look of yours—flushed, sweaty, your eyes a bit glassy. 

You stand. “I’m going to sit in the car.” When you go to step away, you sway on your feet and then he curses.

“Sit the fuck down and eat your food. Now. I don’t need you getting sick all over my car. Because if you do, I’m not paying for the fuckin’ detailing.”

You do as he says, sitting, pulling your taco toward you, even if it doesn’t even seem all that appetizing to you. “You could always leave me here,” you state.

There’s no sarcasm in your voice. No playful tone. Nothing. 

He leans back a bit. “Don’t tempt me.”

You raise your bottle to your lips, your hands shaking and some water spills on your shirt. 

His face falls as he watches you struggle. Either you were sick from the heat…or you were back to the way you were the other night: filled with fear…of him.

He looks down to his food, his own appetite suddenly gone. He eats it anyway.

Once the two of you are back on the road—your stomachs full, even if neither of you had had an appetite—he turns his radio back on, but leaves it at a comfortable level.

Meanwhile, you think of the watch you’d taken. If the two of you stopped tonight, once you got yourself a room, you’d go in search of a pawn shop. You’d take whatever they offered you. It wasn’t like you were in a place to barter. You then also consider finding out about bus fare. Perhaps to California. 

It won’t be cheap, but even if it takes every cent, you’ll be better off. 

Billy changes lanes, passing the car beside you, then sighs dramatically. “I told you before what sex—all that shit—means to me: nothing. So, what, you’re going to pout now because I don’t want to settle down after one taste? Like it was something to write home about to begin with?”

You put your hand over your mouth. “I’m going to be sick.”

“Fuck,” he says, quickly merging back over, people laying on their horns as he skids to a stop on the shoulder and you wrench your door open and heave over the side of the car.

He then reaches a new level of guilt he never thought possible. He reaches toward you, hand hovering over your back, and then he rethinks the decision, placing it back on the wheel.

Once you’ve emptied your stomach, you reach into the glovebox and wipe your mouth with a napkin, closing your door and settling back against the seat, your skin now slick with sweat, head pounding, a vile taste in your mouth. 

You then look to him out of the corner of your eye, your body shaking. “I’m sorry,” you say quietly.

“It’s fine,” is all the reply he gives before merging back into traffic.

It’s evening when Billy pulls into a motel, and you exit the vehicle before he’s even shut the engine off, going inside to get yourself a room.

When he follows after you a moment later, he catches the tail-end of your conversation, watching as you go to hand the woman behind the front desk some cash. 

“Alright, so that’s one room with a full-size bed for fifteen.”

He grows angry at the thought of you sleeping away from him, even if he’d told you just a few hours earlier to start paying your own way. Being upset with you for doing as he’d asked... What the fuck was wrong with him?

He steps up beside you, snatching the money out of your hand, stuffing it in your back pocket. 

“I want a queen. One room,” he states, glancing from the woman, then glaring at you.

You shrink away from him, your hopes of getting away from him for just one night now ruined.

Once inside the room, you nearly collapse on top of your bags as you drop them onto the floor. You then wander over to the bathroom and softly shut the door as you sit to relieve yourself. 

You cringe when you look at yourself in the mirror after. Your skin is a pallid shade, stray hair clinging to your face and there are dark circles beneath your bloodshot eyes. But you simply don’t have it in you to care enough to bother fixing yourself up, so you exit the bathroom as-is.

Billy watches as you wander over to one of your bags and reach inside, pulling something out and stuffing it in your pocket. You then go to leave, until he speaks. 

“The fuck are you doing?”

You just shut the door behind you and he curses, throwing his jacket down as he follows you out. “Hey, get the fuck back here!”

You don’t listen.

He then grabs you roughly by the upper arm, squeezing harshly as he pulls you back to him. “I asked you a goddamn question.”

You fight back against the fear which fills you at his presence now. You know how to play this game. You’ve been doing it your whole life. When a man gets angry: be silent, demure. Respond only minimally. Enough to give them what they want. They won’t hurt you then. Probably.

You reach into your right pocket with a shaking hand and extend it toward him, palm open-faced. “I need to pawn this. My money won’t last long between here and California. Or wherever it is that I end up now.”

His grip loosens, taking the watch, looking over what used to be your dad’s Rolex.

He then looks to you and watches with a pained expression as you reach up, gingerly rubbing the portion of your arm that he’d just had squeezed within his grip.

He hands the watch back to you. “Keep it.”

You look up to him. “I can’t. When my money-”

“I paid for the room, didn’t I?”

Your eyes search his for a moment. “I don’t think I want to go to California anymore.”

His stomach drops. “What?”

You look down to the watch glinting against the sun, the silver still polished—looking like new. “I said West. And in another state or two I’ll be there. I think that’s where I get off.”

His heart begins to pound. You want to leave. You want off this emotional fucking rollercoaster he’s subjected you to every goddamn day. Just as soon as you begin to feel comfortable, he gives you another blow to contend with, leaving you on uncertain ground.

He doesn’t react. Doesn’t beg you to stay. He won’t. If you want to leave him too, then so be it. He never needed you in the first place, clearly. 

He ignores the way his heart squeezes painfully at the thought of an empty passenger seat. An empty bed.

It’s just the heat that’s making his eyes sting.

“Good riddance, then.”

Your chin wobbles as you turn around, heading back up to the room, head hanging between your shoulders, your form utterly fucking defeated.

Billy eventually, after showering—while you’d sat on the bed staring at nothing—went down to the lobby to ask about local attractions. He needed to get out of that room. He couldn’t take seeing you like that. Couldn’t bear what he was doing to you. 

But he doesn’t know what else to do. He’s not…sappy and romantic and ‘boyfriend’ material. Whatever it is that you’re after—he ain’t it.

He can’t be.

When he returns, you’re still sitting there, hand holding your hurting stomach.

He places his hands on his hips, already regretting inviting you. “You want to go see a movie? They’re having a showing of The Terminator near here in less than an hour.”

You look up to him with empty eyes. You’ve never looked at him like that before. Haven’t looked like that since the night he found you beaten and bloodied on the side of the road.

Something inside him breaks at the realization.

You shrug.

He opens the door. “C’mon then.”

Once he’s parked—you’d desperately tried to give him money for your ticket, terrified he’d use paying for yours against you at some point, but he’d refused to take the change from you—he leans back against the seat, setting his radio to the correct station.

He rolls his head to the side, looking at you and his heart drops when he sees you turned toward your door, away from him.

He wants to roll it all back—this entire fucking day. How, in less than ten hours, had he managed to do so much destructive damage to not just you, but your relationship as a whole? He’d had an opportunity before him—you—for a better life. A fresh start. Something good, and pure and loving. And he’d not stopped until your heart was crushed to a pulp in his fist.

But the way you’d looked at him last night in bed, the way you’d touched him and kissed him and held him…something had shifted between the two of you. Something big. Something he couldn’t even fathom. He knew what he felt. But what if you didn’t? Or, what if you did, but he turned out just like his dad? He then thinks he’d spent all day doing it—being that—his spitting fucking image. You didn’t need to hit someone to hurt them. To abuse them.

What the fuck did he do?

He glances to the cars around you, then spots a couple up ahead in the back seat of a Barracuda on top of one another.

He smirks. "At least someone's getting laid. Lucky bastard."

You open your door then, nearly falling out of the car. 

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?”

“Restroom,” you reply barely above a whisper, walking away.

Once you’ve shut yourself in a stall, you sit on the toilet lid and lose it. You begin to bawl so hard you can’t breathe. You’ve not cried like this since your mom left you behind. You double over, wrapping your arms around yourself, shaking, tears and snot streaming down your face. You cry so hard you make yourself sick.

You lean over the toilet, vomiting up stomach acid, which only serves to make you cry harder. 

And you make the decision right then and there: once Billy is asleep, you’re leaving for good. He always sleeps through the night. It’ll give you plenty of time to get away. You’re unsure how late bus stations are open, but you’ll do whatever you must to leave him in the past where he belongs. 

When you exit the restroom—the cool night air washing over you, cooling you down—you take a moment to glance up to the wide sky above you, now filled with stars. And you feel so fucking lonely and empty at the sight. A sight which used to comfort you. Now...

You then slowly step over to the concessions. 

“Can I have a small vanilla shake, please?”

Once you’ve paid, you’re handed your drink, but a voice calls out to you before you can walk around some. You refuse to go back to his car until you’ve at least put something back on your stomach.

“You alright? Looks like you’ve been crying.”

You look to your right and see a man, maybe twenty or twenty-one, leaning up against the side of the concession stand. He has a pair of black cargo shorts on, a black t-shirt with a yellow smiley face on the front, and bleach-blond hair. 

Your wrap your clammy hands around the cool cup in your grip. “I’m fine,” you say quietly.

He crooks his head to the side. “You sure? Might not be able to help, but I’m a good listener.”

You shift from one foot to the other, considering, and then decide to come over to him. You want nothing more to do with Billy. He’s shown who he truly is all day long. Had months ago. What was the saying? When someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them. You should’ve taken such advice.

It would’ve saved you a lot of heartache.

You look up at him, leaning your shoulder against the building, taking a sip of your cold drink.

He extends a hand toward you. “Chris.”

You smile slightly, holding your own out. “Y/N.”

He takes your wet hand in his and presses a soft kiss to the top of it. 

You laugh lightly at the unexpected gesture.

“Don’t tell me your asshole boyfriend is responsible for your tears? A girl like you is way too pretty to be crying over some worthless chump.” He folds his arms across his chest.

“No. It’s…it’s complicated.” To you maybe, but clearly not to him.

He leans his head against the building. “It serious?”

You take another drink. “No. We want different things.”

“Like?”

On the one hand, talking to a strange man again is probably a bad idea. On the other, he ogled and spoke to how many girls today? You could do as you pleased. He had no say in your decisions. Not anymore. He never should’ve in the first place.

You shrug. “I just want someone who will be nice to me.”

“What, that’s supposed to be a tall order? Doesn’t seem all that hard to do to me,” he says, running the back of one of his fingers down your arm. 

You step the least bit closer at the tender gesture. It just feels good to be touched. To have someone listen.

He continues. “What’s he want?”

You sip your shake again. “Your guess is as good as mine,” you say quietly. 

He shifts his stance. “Do you want to be with someone like that? A guy who leaves you guessing, crying, all alone? Sounds like a selfish prick to me.”

No, you don’t want that.

You look down. You normally wouldn’t open up like this to a complete stranger, too worried what they might think, but it’s not as if this day can get any worse. “What if I can’t do any better?”

He smirks. “Talking to me, ain’t ya?”

You both laugh at that.

He then glances around. “I don’t normally do this, but I have something that might make you feel better.”

Your brows furrow as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small red candy. He looks at you again. “You ever dropped acid before?”

Your stomach drops. “N-no.”

“You want to?”

You shake your head. “No, thank you.”

He sighs. “C’mon, it’s not that bad. I mean, it’ll make you forget all about what’s-his-face. We could get out of here, have some fun as a bit of payback. What’d’ya say?”

He grabs you by the wrist then.

Billy groans in irritation. You’d been gone nearly twenty-fucking-minutes at this point, already missed the whole beginning of the movie. He glances around, looking for you, but you’re nowhere to be found. He lets you out of his sight for a fucking second and this was what he got for it…

He exits his car, going in search of the restrooms, really ready to give you what-for, even if you missing the movie is his fault. He knew you had just wanted to get away from him. And he can’t exactly get angry at you 'wasting' his money on your ticket, either, since you’d all but begged him to let you pay for yourself. 

And then he spots you, standing near the concessions, some bleach-blond asshole squeezing your face in one hand, the other holding something near your mouth while you shake your head, trying to pull away.

He sees fucking red.

As he nears the two of you, he hears him say, “C’mon, Y/N, we’re just having some fun. So open.”

You drop your milkshake on the ground, vanilla going everywhere and the prick looks at Billy then, eyes widening when he sees the aggressive look which has overtaken his features. 

Billy grabs him by the right arm, pulling him away from you before sucker-punching the side of his face.

He falls to the ground and Billy gets on top of him and just pounds away, landing blow after blow. He eventually hears something break—likely his nose, but he doesn’t stop. “Don’t ever fucking touch her again! You hear me, you fuckin’ piece of shit?” He grips his face then, Billy’s mere inches from it as he screams, “You fucking hear me?!”

His face is so swollen and bloodied, he can barely even make Billy out so as to respond, so he just punches him again. 

You’d stood to the side, horrified, hands covering your mouth as Billy wailed on Chris, beating his face into a bloody pulp, until a crowd began to form. You then rushed forward, grabbing Billy’s arm, his fist still raised in the air. “Billy, stop, you’re going to kill him!”

Then you hear someone yell in the distance, “I’m calling the police!”

You tug harder, forcing him to stand, and then he kicks Chris in the stomach as hard as he can and he doubles over, curling into the fetal position as Billy spits on him. “Fuckin’ loser.” He quickly grabs your hand, leading you back to the car. “C’mon.”

He opens your door, buckling you in, then closes it. 

When you glance up, you see a man getting out of a Plymouth as Billy walks around the front of the Camaro. Billy then points at him. “Get back in your fuckin’ car!”

He gets in the driver’s side and kicks up grass and dirt and rocks as he quickly backs out of the lot, speeding away.

You sit beside him, shaking violently, tears stinging your eyes and you gasp as he nearly hits someone as he swerves into another lane for a moment after taking the on-ramp to get on the interstate. Perhaps five minutes later does he get back off again, now on a lower, more deserted back road.

He flies across the asphalt and your heart pounds as you watch the speedometer climb to over eighty. 

“Billy, slow down. Billy!” 

Ninety. 

“Billy, please, you’re scaring me!”

It’s once he’s hit over one-hundred-and-ten that he stomps on the brakes, your seatbelt nearly choking you as the car lurches forward. Once you’ve slammed back against your seat, you stare at him, eyes wide, tears streaming down your cheeks, chest heaving. 

He’s deathly silent beside you, breathing steadily as he himself stares at the dark road ahead. His eyes are hard, brows furrowed, knuckles bloodied.

You shake your head, unbuckling yourself with trembling hands. “I-I’m done. I can’t do this anymore.”

You open your door, until he reaches across the cabin and slams it back closed again. When you look at him, he grabs your face gently, but firmly, his eyes wild. “You’re fucking mine. You understand me? You’re mine.”

Before you can even reply, he crushes his lips to yours so hard your teeth knock together. He plunges his tongue inside your mouth, his right hand coming to grip the hair at the back of your neck, his other squeezing your hip so hard it hurts.

The only thing you can hear is your heart pounding in your ears and his lips smacking against your own.

He pulls back. “Next time I see another guy touching you, I won’t stop until I have fucking killed him.”

He brings your lips back to his own.

You remained silent on the way back to the motel. Silent tears slipping down your cheeks, afraid of what you’d now gotten yourself into.

You look at him out of the corner of your eye and wonder how he can now seem so calm. He’d nearly beaten a man to death not even half-an-hour ago. Had also acted more possessive toward you than you’d ever seen him before. What was that supposed to mean, anyway—'you’re mine'?

You’re almost too afraid to ask, unsure that you want his definition. 

Once he’s parked, you both exit the car and head inside, and once the door is closed, you slump down into a chair.

He paces back and forth, hands on his hips, glancing up to you every few moments, your head in your hands, elbows atop your knees.

“Are you okay?” He asks gently, now a bit calmer.

You look up to him, your lower lip trembling. You choke out through tears, “No, I’m not okay! None of this is okay! What is wrong with you?”

He stops pacing. “I had to get the fuckin’ creep off of you-”

“So you almost kill him?”

He waves his hand. “He’ll be fine. Who even gives a shit?”

You shake your head in disbelief.

“What the fuck were you doing talking to him, anyway? You told me you were going to take a piss,  not hook up with some random-”

You stand then, temper having finally reached its boiling point. “Are you fucking kidding me? This again? You have treated me like garbage all day long! Looking at and flirting with girls and making me feel so worthless!” You begin to sob. “Do you have any idea the things I’ve been thinking? I…I never should’ve trusted you in the first place! I don’t know what I thought about you. Maybe that you could be different. Or that I could fix you or… God, I’m so fucking stupid. Just like my mother. But y’know what? I get it now. I get why she did it. She had no other choice. So, I might as well follow in her footsteps with that, too.”

You walk over to your bags, pulling your backpack onto your shoulders.

He panics. “W-what’re you doing?”

“I told you I’m done and I meant it. I’m leaving.” You grab your other bag. “I won’t waste years of my life on someone like she did. I have to get out before it’s too late.”

Just as you turn your back to him, taking a step toward the door, he breaks. What the fuck has he done? “Please don’t go. I’m in love with you.”

You halt. 

“Listen, I…I know I fucked up. Today…fuck, baby, I know. I just…last night…”

You slowly turn back to him. You’ve never heard him grasping for words before. Never seen him so unsure of himself. And what he’d just said… Love. 

He sighs, settling his hands back on his hips, looking down at the stained carpet beneath his boots. “I only realized it this morning. How I felt. I mean, I knew I felt it before. But I tried to play it off as anything but that. I didn’t want to acknowledge it—admit it. I mean, fuck, what if you didn’t feel the same? What if I got rejected?” He looks up to you. “I don’t know how to do any of this shit—being with someone, having feelings for them. Loving them, letting them love me. It’s not my style. Or wasn’t. Fuck, I don’t know. But I just…started seeing you differently the more we spent time together.

“And I guess I thought today…if I pushed you away, then the feelings might dissipate? I mean, look what happened the last time I loved—trusted—someone. She left.”

Your brow twitches. “And I don’t know that feeling?” You ask in anger.

He takes a step closer to you. “I know you do. I just-”

You cut him off. “Just stop, Billy.”

He shuts his mouth. 

You drop your bags, sitting back down again and thinking. You want to be understanding. But he's making showing kindness toward him incredibly difficult to do.

Finally, after a very long stretch of silence—him beginning to sweat, thinking you’re about to leave again—you speak. 

“I get pushing me away,” you say softly. “You said it before—that I had no friends back in Hawkins. And fear of abandonment was why. If I didn’t let anyone in, then they couldn’t walk away. But I’ve tried with you. Over and over again. And every time, you swung from one extreme to the other.”

You look at him. “You’ve given me whiplash you’ve done it so much. And today…” You trail off, a lump forming in your throat. “Do you have any idea what you put me through?” You ask in a whisper.

He pulls over a chair, sitting in front of you, taking your hands in his. “I put you through hell, I know.”

You shake your head, looking away from him. “You made me feel so…” Your chin wobbles. “I felt so alone. And for the first time I realized not a single person in the world wants or cares about me.” 

A tear slips down your cheek and then another one.

And he nearly does the same at him making you think that for even a second. He’d broken your heart.

You continue. “I thought a lot of horrible things today. Thought about throwing myself out of your car.”

His throat bobs.

“About going back home, not caring what happened to me—if he followed through on his promise. I decided at the movie that I was going to leave while you were asleep tonight, too afraid to do it while you were awake.” You look at him. “That’s what you’ve made me feel toward you: afraid.”

You look down to his bruised hand and pull your own away. 

“I don’t know how to trust you anymore. Last night I thought was…” You shake your head. “It doesn’t matter what I thought anymore. You’ll never change. I left Hawkins to get away from another man just like you. I would've been better off had I just done things on my own.”

You know you’re wasting your breath, so you stand again, grabbing your things.

Just as your hand settles over the door knob, he breaks down crying. “Please don’t leave. I’ll do fucking anything. Please, Y/N. I…I can’t lose you, too. Please, God, I’m begging you, stay.”

You go to turn the handle and then he comes over to you, falling on his knees beside you, pressing his face into your stomach, crying harder.

“I love you. Please. I’ll change, I’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll be whoever you need me to be. Just don’t walk out that door, I’m fuckin’ begging you.”

You sniffle, telling yourself over and over again not to cry. That he doesn’t mean it. It’s just another manipulation tactic, but you know this time is anything but. He’d never cry in front of you—anyone—unless the tears and the words leaving his lips were true.

“How can I trust you now?” You ask through gentle sobs.

He presses his cheek against your stomach then, hands gripping your soft hips. “Just let me prove to you that I can be better. The kind of man that’s worthy of you.”

He finally stands, cupping your face in his hands. “Angel, I know I don’t deserve you. Fuck, I probably never will. And I know you deserve a hell of a lot better than me. But you’re all I want. I’ve never wanted anything as badly as I want you. I…I need you. Just, what can I do to fix this?”

You turn your head, looking at the door and his heart begins to break. 

“If you want to leave, I won’t stop you. Just…” He steps away for a moment, reaching into his bag, and he pulls out a wad of cash and doesn’t stop counting until he’s reached a grand. “Take this,” he says, shoving it into your hand.

Your eyes go wide and you look up at him. 

“If you want the gun too-”

You shake your head. “Billy, I-” You sob, covering your mouth with the back of your other hand. You throw the money down on the table. "I don't want your money. I don't want anything from you. Not anymore."

He grabs your face again. "Just...let me ask you one thing. Please."

You blink up at him through teary eyes.

"Do you love me?" He asks, brushing stray tears away with the pads of his thumbs.

Your face crumples. "I wish I knew how to stop."

He lets loose a breath of relief. "Sweetheart, we had one bad day. A really shitty one, I know. But this is what I do when there's a risk of getting close to someone—I rail against it as hard as I can. And it always works—they walk away. Most of the time I'm the one who does. But I couldn't this time. Waiting for the other foot to finally fall, though, I was constantly on the edge of my goddamn seat waiting for it to finally happen.

"I thought... I thought it's what I wanted. I don't. I know that now. I want you. Now. Maybe...maybe forever. I guess we can figure that part out together. If you'll still have me. If you could ever fuckin' forgive me for all the shit I've done—put you through. It's not always going to be perfect. I'm going to piss you off and keep getting on your last nerve for my own amusement. I'll never stop being a pain in your ass. But it's only because I-" He sighs. "Because I love you. So, please, just stay. I think... I think that we belong together. Who the hell else is going to put up with me the way you have? Who else could ever understand the shit I've been through but someone else who's been through it, too?"

You stare up at him, sniffling, tears slipping from your tired eyes, your hands shaking at your sides, body slightly trembling. Every part of you is screaming at you to finally do it: run. Every part except your heart.

You know it might be the biggest mistake you've ever made, but it wouldn't be the first time.

You bury your face in his chest then, fisting the back of his shirt in your hands and you begin to wail, letting it all out. Everything. Your mom abandoning you in the middle of the night, your dad taking every ounce of anger and frustration out on you, your loneliness, your sadness, your hopelessness, your fear, the torment Billy has subjected you to.

You cry and cry until your legs give out, both of you sinking to the floor as he wraps his arms around you, holding you close.

He rests his cheek against the top of your head. "Never again," he promises, gently rocking you.

It takes every ounce of strength you have left to believe him.

[jsprnt]

a no-contact relationship break, is shaken when your boyfriend finds out you’re getting hit on by other guys

kenan yıldız x long distance! reader

A/N: Probably my last fic before I go on my writing break!! Based on this request, thank you babe!! 🤍

W/C: 1.934

you drop the pen in your hand, shifting your gaze from your notes to your pinging phone. the screen had been lighting up for the past few minutes. the repeated buzzing of the device started to piss you off, distracting you from your assignment.

you were currently studying in the united states, as an international student. in your first year of college, it was tough, to say the least.

you snatch your phone off your desk, squinting when the light emitting from your screen hits your exhausted face.

sighing, you unlock your phone, opening the messages in your notification center. your eyes widen slightly when you notice the sender of the- multiple messages.

kenan..

you had not spoken to him in a few weeks, it had been radio silent on both ends, so a sudden message made you worry..

you click on a message, being directed to your messaging app. glad you turned off your read receipts a long time ago. your eyes skim over the messages, your brows furrowing in confusion.

"y/n"

"i know we haven't spoken in a while"

"and you're busy with studying.."

"but I'm worried about you"

"don't you think we should talk?"

you let out a deep sigh, already knowing you're done for the day. placing your phone back down, you ponder to yourself. you turn your laptop off, slipping it into its case.

blowing out your scented candle, and placing your stationary back into its place, you stand up from your bed.

your happy that your roommate is out tonight. spending the night with her boyfriend. you didn't care if it was allowed or not, but being alone meant that it was the perfect night to- call him..

you grab a makeup wipe, wiping off any mascara residue on your face. you go on and do your nighttime routine in the communal bathrooms, next to your dorm room.

you jump into bed when all clean. pulling the blanket on your body, and shove your charger into the power socket next to your pillows, your screen lighting up when you plug your phone in.

sighing, you place your phone next to you, mentally trying to convince yourself to ignore the messages.

kenan and you were technically still in a relationship, just on a break for now. it had been a couple weeks since you both had decided to go on a break.

you still didn't know what you were to each other, especially when you were on a break. but, a situationship, could be an arguable term to use..

currently, your main focus is your academic goals. you wanted to study, get your education up, and widen your horizons.

as a young, recently turned adult- life was challenging to navigate. just like many of your classmates in high school, you decided to continue studying.

your appetite for education and academic achievements pushed you to focus on school, unlike kenan.

to him, his life was all planned out. he had graduated from high school, and the only thing he wanted to do for the rest of his life was play football until he physically wasn't able to, then retire, and live a calm life..

you loved him, of course. you tried to attend almost every match he invited you to, supported him when he was overseas, and made sure you respected the time he needed to train. before he came back absolutely exhausted, leaving no time for you to spend with him.

this lead to multiple arguments, for weeks, you'd told him about your concerns. you were worried you both would grow apart, without even noticing.

the entire conversation had come crashing down, when you had a full-on breakdown, after he had cancelled your date, with just a single, small sentence.

you stood there in front of him, dressed to impress, only to hear a soft 'I'm tired, sorry, liebe..", while he threw himself onto your bed.

your face had dropped, tears running down your face by the time you'd stopped yelling at him, telling him how 'fucking draining' it is to try to upkeep the relationship.

by the end of that night, you had both shed tears, curses and apologies leaving kenan's lips as he'd realized how you felt.

you had both come to the conclusion to go on a break, time apart would be better for the two of you. time to figure out your own identities, and trying to navigate what actually drove you to accomplish more in your young lives.

to get your mind off the situation, and to be alone for a while- you had immediately filled out an application to study in the united states for half your school year.

it was insanely difficult at first, but slowly you came to like your environment. meeting new people at multiple frat parties on the weekends, and having more friends than you could ever dream of.

you turn in your bed, and shift for a couple minutes. your eyes flickering to the clock on the wall.

it was almost nine-thirty, if you calculated right, like you've been doing every single time you think of kenan, it was almost three in morning in turpin, italy.

you wonder if he's still up, it's unusual for him to be up this late. he had a match tomorrow, you knew that because you definitely stalked him on numerous football apps.

old habits die hard..

you wanted to see his handsome face, those pretty eyes that looked at you like you were the most beautiful being on earth. his smile that had you cheesing, and not to forget, his fluffy hair.

the hair you would always run your fingers through, comforting him when he was sad, or verbally helping him sort difficult things out..

you scoff at yourself, just a couple weeks ago you were crying over the fact that he was too busy for you. now, seeing a couple texts from him, had your heart beating as fast as it was, when you first caught sight of him, back in high school.

you finally cave in, sitting up in your bed, back leaning against your cheap headboard. you turn your phone on quickly, fingers tapping on the all too familiar name.

it was all muscle memory at this point, and you suck in a breath before sending kenan a message.

"are you still up?"

"call me if you're up.."

you text, sending it, and rub a hand down your face. waiting for him to reply, or call you.

it only takes a few more seconds before you see your screen change, your reflection starting back at you.

a video call?

being honest, you didn't look your best. dressed in old pajamas, hair undone and skin going through it.

though, kenan had seen you at your worst already, and you had seen his worst as well..

you click on the green circle, adjusting your camera so you can, at least, look a little decent.

you hold your breath when he accepts. eyes roaming around his face. he looked noticeably different than the last time you saw him, in real life at least.

"hi.." you begin, blinking at him. silence falling in between you.

he looks exhausted, eye bags visible and dark, his fluffy hair all messy and unkempt.

"y/n.." he speaks your name, his voice thick and raspy. it obvious he hasn't slept yet, though he looks insanely tired.

"you wanted to talk?.." you speak, voice a whisper, even though you knew nobody could eavesdrop on you.

"I did, schatz.." the nickname falls from his mouth before he can stop himself, his expression turning visibly flushed.

"well, what did you want to say?"

"how are you? how's boston?"

"fine, it's better than I thought it would be.." your words feel empty, voice slightly quivering from nerves. "how are you?" you ask, shifting, so he can see your face properly.

he doesn't answer for a moment, eyes glued on you, before his lips part.

"good, training for the euros.."

"in germany? It's like three in the morning over there. why are you up?"

"you calculated that quickly.." kenan says, and you notice a glint in his eyes. the one he always does when he tries make you flustered or tease you..

"it's a six-hour difference, kenan.."

you hear his breath hitch after you say his name, and he moves out of frame for a moment.

"i miss you."

the words hit you like multiple bricks, your eyes widening slightly at the confession. you missed him too, you missed him to death..

"i want you here, liebe. right next to me, reading your little book, while you play with my hair. I can't sleep without you, schatz."

you gasp unknowingly, dropping your phone onto your mattress, before picking it up quickly.

you open your mouth to say anything, something- but you're beat to it by kenan..

"I can't stand it. I can't stand- knowing you're so far away. dressed in the prettiest dress, having fun, and partying all night. so many men coming up to you, asking for your number. I can't be there and keep them away from you. I can't keep you safe. do you tell them that you have a boyfriend? do you call me- us a situationship?"

you take his words in, looking away from the screen.

"how do you know all of that?" you ask, voice with a sharp edge to it.

"elena told me.."

your best friend, back home.

"what did she say?" you frown, sitting up straight.

elena and you had been the closest friends for years now. you would tell her absolutely everything, and talking about guys hitting on you was definitely something you told her last week.

"she dm'd me via instagram, remember when you made me follow her in case I needed to contact you, but your phone was dead?"

you hum at the memory, huffing and getting impatient.

"well, what did she say?"

"she told me you're partying. that's not my problem, of course. she told me you're getting hit on left and right. elena told me I should ‘get my shit together’ and reach out to you, before I lose you to any one of those disgusting frat boys.."

you watch his jaw clench, his facial expression blank as he looks into the camera.

“kenan..” you say, looking away for a moment, trying to gather your thoughts.

“I miss you too..”

your own words open the flood gates of your eyes, and you move your phone away from your face. soft sobs making your body shake and slump over.

“don’t cry, baby..” he whispers, his own brown eyes glimmering with tears, and he wishes he was right there, next to you..

“I can’t help it. I want to see you again, but will you ever change or actually want to be together?”

“of course I will, liebe. spending so much time away from each other, it makes me think of how I’ve treated you. I was an absolute idiot, but I want to make it right, baby..”

“how will you do that?” you ask, trying to wipe the tears away, though, they don’t stop.

he’s quiet for a moment, but speaks when he’s thought about it.

“okay, when you’re back in turpin, I want to see you. when you land, I’ll pick you up, and we’ll talk. is that okay, baby?

you nod almost immediately, slightly self-conscious about how desperate you to reunite with him.

“good, baby- now go to bed, okay? I know you have class tomorrow. sleep tight, I love you so much..”

“I love you too, kenan..”

[barefoot-joker]

Snake in the Garden Pt 3~Yandere!Lucifer X Reader

Hello guys, and welcome to the third installment of Snake in the Garden! This chapter is a bit longer than the first two, so I hope you enjoy the extra words. I'm excited to bring in the next chapter for you all and I bet Lucifer will be happy to see you too! The taglist is still open, so if you're interested in joining comment down below! As always, I hope you enjoy and have a great day/night!

Words: 3048

Warnings: Non-Con Kissing, Mental Breakdown, Forced Marriage, Swearing

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4 Part 5

I shook as I locked the bathroom door behind me. I had left Lucifer in his workshop while I claimed I needed to do my business. Even with him so far away I was still so nervous. After I made sure nobody was around, I started emptying the pockets of my pants. I was keeping different colored pieces of fabric on my person and taking them out felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. Setting them on the counter, I went into the cabinet below the sink and pulled out my secret. In the privacy of the bathroom I was building a rope. Over the past few weeks I had been collecting different fabric from all around the palace. Napkins, towels, shirts, nothing was free from my building process. Sitting on the toilet, I grabbed my newly acquired material and tied it to the end of the rope. The rope itself was quite long and only a few more pieces would need to be added in order for it to reach the full height out of the window. Satisfied with my work, I put it back in the cabinet and went on my way back to the workshop. 

My days passed by slowly and I was counting down to when I could finally escape. Lucifer was getting touchy feely more than ever. It was so bad I couldn’t go a minute without his hands on me. I tried to tell him to stop but that just made his body get closer to mine and his grip to get a bit tighter. I absolutely hated it. His courting was getting worse too. Every day I’d wake up to a new rubber duck or bouquet of flowers being thrusted at my face, a wide smile on his face and a blush spreading from cheek to cheek. The only time I could find for myself was using the bathroom either for bathing purposes or other forms of business. 

One day I found myself in the dining room eating breakfast. Lucifer sat across from me reading his newspaper. However he seemed very fidgety as his leg kept bouncing underneath the table and his claws were tapping the paper in his hands. I was a bit nervous as I had never seen him act like this before and I wasn’t sure what was to come from it. After our plates were cleared, Lucifer came to my side and took me by the hand. He gave it a quick kiss before leading me through the glass doors to outside. We walked to a spot on the property I haven’t been to yet. We stopped by a small gazebo and inky black arms wrapped around my waist. “Ta da!”

One of his arms gestured to the dead grass in front of us. I was confused until I saw it change to a healthy green color. Amazed, I watched as bushes of flowers popped up from the ground and a tree with some apples grew before my very eyes. Rows upon rows of vegetables magically appeared as well. I gasped at how beautiful the scenery was before me. “I’d like to present to you your very own garden. I’ve been thinking of gifting this to you for a while but I couldn’t find the right moment. What do you think?”

I was speechless. All of this was for me? I understood this was part of his courting but the gesture was super nice.

“It’s…it’s beautiful, Lucifer. Thank you.”

He gasped and turned to me. His eyes lit up and a huge smile went from one red cheek to the other. “Was that a thank you I heard? Please hold the applause! Can we hear that one more time?”

I giggled. “Thank you.”

He leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “You’re welcome, darling. How about you take a look around while I grab some paperwork.”

He kissed my forehead and then poofed away in a cloud of red smoke. I coughed a bit as the smoke cleared and waved my hand to try and move it away faster. From where I stood, I could see the hole in the fence and as much as it called to me, I stayed put. I just needed some more time and then I’d be free. While Lucifer was away I walked around my newly acquired garden and smiled. It was actually quite the spectacle, but who could expect less from the Sin of Pride? 

Suddenly in a flash, Lucifer returned with a butt load of papers in his hand. “Did you have a chance to look around, my dear?”

“I did.”

“Is it to your liking? I can always add in more shrubbery or substitute the flowers for something else.”

“No, it’s quite lovely. Thank you.”

He puffed out his chest and smiled. “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing you say that. Now before I begin my boring paperwork, is there anything I can get you?”

“Perhaps a trowel and a bucket?”

“Of course.”

He snapped his fingers and next to me on the grass appeared those two items. “I’ll just be over at this table so if you need anything don’t be afraid to ask, sweetie.”

“Will do.”

“Good girl. Have fun!”

True to his word, Lucifer sat at a small, white, metal table and began working on his stack of paperwork. I was curious to know what kind of contracts and other tasks the King of Hell had to accomplish, but I just ignored that wish. Turning to the apple tree I noticed some weeds, so I headed over. Kneeling down, I took the trowel and began to dig out the vermin and put them in the bucket. Everytime I dug out a weed it seemed like another one appeared. I growled and kept going, but the process was soon becoming tedious. Just as I was about to give up, I heard chuckling coming from the table. I looked over to see Lucifer hiding his laughter behind one of his papers. “So you’re the reason I can’t get through this task. Get back to work, mister!”

I playfully shook my trowel at him and he gave a salute. “Yes, ma’am.”

I laughed and went back to shoveling. Without Lucifer’s magic making more appear, weeding the apple tree went fairly quickly. After that was done, I moved onto the other bushes and rows of vegetables. It took me several hours but I was finally done weeding. I wiped the sweat off of my brow and let out a breath. It had been a while since I was able to do something I enjoyed in this hellhole. Walking over to the table, I sat down across from His Majesty. I set the bucket with the trowel and weeds inside on the grass. “Whatcha reading?”

“Monthly business reports from the different Sins. I doubt you’d find it entertaining. I certainly don’t.”

I had to chuckle. It was kind of funny to see this side of him. Wait a minute, what am I thinking?! Are you stupid?! He kidnapped you and is trying to court you! Get a grip, woman!

I shook my head and fiddled with my fingers. “Say, how about I take you out for dinner tonight. You’ve been so lovely here at home and I think we both deserve a treat.”

Oh you have no idea how wrong you are.

“Sounds nice. Anything you want me to wear?”

A smirk grew on his lips and he ran his claws up and down my arm. Goosebumps appeared on my skin and I had to suppress a shudder. “That red dress we got you would be a nice statement piece. Really sell the whole ‘you’re mine’ ideology.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“I know you’ll do the right thing.”

Yeah right. 

I pulled my arm away so he’d stop touching it. “I was maybe going to go read in the library if that’s alright with you.”

“Of course, my dear. I’m almost done here so I’ll join you in a few minutes.”

I nodded and began to walk away. I heard him hum so I turned to look at him. He seemed so happy as he signed something. I almost felt bad for leaving him shortly but then I reminded myself of all the things he had done to me. Keep your focus, Y/n. Don’t lose sight.

I grunted and made my way inside to the library on the second floor. When I got there I walked over to one of the various bookcases. There were ten in total and each one reached the high vaulted ceiling. I scanned the titles of some of the books and landed on a fantasy novel, The Last Human. Quite the odd book to have.

I peeled it from its brothers and sat down in one of the plush leather, burgundy armchairs. I opened it and began to read. A few hours passed as I read, Lucifer coming in to join me at some point. He chose the chair next to mine and I felt his fingers playing with my thigh. I tried to not pay much attention to it and concentrate on my book. The novel itself was quite interesting, a spin on The Last Unicorn if you will. 

When night had fallen, the two of us changed. I donned the red, floor length garment that he wanted me to wear while Lucifer put on a black tuxedo. A servant drove us to the inner sanctum of the city and when we stopped His Majesty helped me out of the car. I thanked him and took the arm he held out. We walked into the posh looking restaurant and the cat hostess seemed surprised to see us. “Your Highness, welcome.”

“Hello. I placed a reservation for two earlier today.”

“Let me check the list.”

Her finger scanned down a piece of paper and then tapped a specific spot. “Here we are. Follow me please.”

She led us past several tables before we reached a table in the middle of the room. The table had a white tablecloth and vase with a rose in it. A candle in a glass bubble sat next to the vase in the center. Lucifer acted like a gentleman and pulled my chair out for me. He scooted it close before taking his seat. “Somebody will be with you shortly.”

“Thank you.”

The hostess left us and not even a minute later an imp waitress appeared. “Hello, my name is Jenny and I’ll be your server tonight. What can I get started for you two?”

“A bottle of your finest champagne, please.”

“Right away, Your Highness.”

She bowed and ran off. “Champagne? What’s the special occasion?” “What? A man can’t enjoy some fancy liquor with the woman he loves?”

He reached across the table and squoze my hand. I felt some heat rise to my cheeks and I looked away. The restaurant was quite packed. All the tables had some form of couple sitting at it. Our waitress returned with two tall glasses and a green bottle that read Beelzebub’s Special Brew. She popped the cork and poured some champagne into each of our glasses. “Now could I get you two something to eat?”

“Yes, just some pasta for both of us.”

“Of course, Sire. I’ll be out with that shortly.”

I watched as she ran off again. “I hope that was okay. I know you tend to favor pasta when Belfazaar serves it at home.”

“It’s fine.”

I grabbed my glass and took a sip. It was quite good, a bit on the sweeter side. “How is it?”

“Good. I’ll admit I haven’t had champagne since the last wedding I attended.”

At the mention of Earth, I could feel my aura dampen. While my “lover” tried to make my stay as homey as possible, I still longed for the green and blue planet. Lucifer must have noticed the mood change because the hand on top of mine caressed it lightly. “Still missing Earth, huh?”

I nodded. He sighed. “I thought I was making your stay in Hell quite cozy.”

“You have made it as comfortable as you can, Lucifer. Truly. I just miss my home is all.”

“Then perhaps I need to step up.”

Suddenly he stood and pulled out a black box. “Lucifer, what are you-”

I stopped when I saw him kneel. My eyes widened and my breath hitched. No, he couldn’t possibly be…

He opened the box and amongst the plush red velvet lay a golden ring made to look like a snake. Everyone in the restaurant started to gasp and I could see demons pull out their phones to record what was happening. “Please, don’t do this.”

The attention just made Lucifer more happy. “Y/n, I know you’ve been struggling with Hell lately. Trust me, I was there too once. However, I want to be by your side and make you comfortable, happy. More than anything I want to shelter and adore you. I think it’s time we made this official. Will you, Y/n L/n, marry me?”

My body stilled and my mind went blank. Everyone’s attention was on the two of us and the stares made my body flare up. I gulped. What should I do? What should I do?! WHAT SHOULD I DO?! If I accept, will I ever be able to go home? If I don’t, what will he do? He’s capable of so many things, what will he choose to do to me?

I could feel my breath getting stuck in my chest and my eyes started to water. Was it always this hot in here?

“I, I, I-”

“Please, Y/n. Make me the happiest man in all of Hell.”

He lifted the box a bit higher and the ring seemed to sparkle in the light. I looked into his eyes and could only find adoration there, them sparkling just like the ring. Everyone’s staring, just say something. JUST SAY SOMETHING, DAMMIT!

“Y-YES!”

I slapped my hands over my mouth quickly but it was too late. Lucifer plucked the piece of jewelry out of the box and put it on my ring finger. He stood up and for the first time kissed my lips. My eyes widened and I went to push him away, but he grabbed my hands in a tight hold. Everyone around us was applauding and cheering us on and I just wanted to die inside. He pulled away and caressed my cheek lightly. “I love you, my dear.” 

He sat himself back in his chair and smiled at me from across the table. I held my hand and looked at the piece of jewelry now adorning it. It was quite intricate for an engagement ring. Each one of the snake’s scales was engraved into the gold and a little diamond made up the eye. “Quite lovely, isn’t it? I’ve had that made since we first met. It feels nice to finally gift it to you.”

I was sick of looking at it, so I slid my hand under the tablecloth. So that’s why the courting had been ramped up recently. Because he was going to ask me to marry him.

“I thought it would be special to make it in the form we met in. That way it would be more meaningful to our relationship. I hope you like it, darling.”

I just nodded. I couldn’t force myself to say anything in case I said something rash and ruined my plan. Jenny came back to our table with two bowls and set them down. “Here we are. And congratulations on the engagement! I’m looking forward to the wedding.”

“Looks delicious, thanks!”

The two of us picked up our forks and began to eat. I slowly picked at mine and ate little bites while Lucifer talked. “So when do you want to have the wedding, darling? I was thinking a couple months from now when the Pentagram moon will be out. It’ll make the day even more special! Oh, we’ll have to get planning right away! I have so many ideas in mind, how about you?”

“I guess.”

“Are you alright, my little apple?”

“I’m feeling a bit sick actually. Could we maybe go home?”

“Of course, my dear. Let me just pay the check.”

Lucifer flagged down our waitress, paid the bill and then led me out to the car. Customers kept shouting at us congratulations as we left and I remained silent the whole ride home. When we arrived inside, I immediately headed for the bedroom. If I was going to escape, it better be tonight. “I think I’ll take a bath and then head to bed, Lucifer.”

“Alright. I’ll be in my office for a bit. I hope you feel better soon, dear.”

He gave me a light peck on the forehead and then left. Now to put my plan into action.

I headed to the wardrobe and pulled out a light blue nightgown. I grabbed it and went into the bathroom. Locking the door, I pulled off the red dress and put on the nightgown. Opening the cabinet, I pulled out my rope. Grabbing the red dress, I attached it to the end and tied the rope to the foot of the bathtub. Tugging on it to make sure it was secure, I unlatched the window and threw it out. I looked back at the door to make sure nobody was there and then began climbing down. My stomach twisted as I was quite high up and my foot had slipped a couple of times, but I finally made it to the ground. Peering around the corner of the palace, I saw David and Goliath sleeping in the front yard. Good to go.

I bolted as fast as I could to the hole in the fence. I moved aside the bushes and quickly squoze through. I hissed as the fence had caused a couple of gashes on my arm and tore a bit of my nightgown from the sharp edges. Looking around for some kind of direction, I saw in the distance the sparkling marquee that read Hazbin Hotel. I grinned and ran like my life depended on it.

~~~

TAGLIST

@ladymothbeth @cosmic-spider @l0vedoe @stormz369 @strawberry-gothic @repostingmyfavs @purplechan9 @caniseethefourthsword @rl800 @froggybich @txpchhhhhhh @stayinguplate @theonlykawaiigod-blog

[httpsghostie]

Beneath the Surface

Part one

Part two

A/N: First post! English isn't my first language so I'm sorry in advance if there's anything wrong with the writing.

Can't stop thinking about this man, it's unhealthy at this point

Brought you something filthy, hope you enjoy

Requests are open and appreciated!

Summary: Simon, your father's best friend, shows up in the middle of the night to give you a shoulder to put your legs head on.

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: smut, Simon 'Ghost' Riley x female!reader, unprotected sex (don't b silly wrap your weenie), p in v, implied age gap, choking, breeding kink (?

masterlist

NSFW below the cut

It had been an exhausting day and you felt like everything just decided to go wrong, all in one day. It started small, your sleeve getting caught in the door handle when you were cleaning the house, then it became a snowball. Accidentally hitting your foot on the corner of the bed, stumbling on the bucket and falling over it, spilling the dirty water all over the floor. At the end of the day you were overwhelmed, even the shower decided not to work properly, and you couldn't stand being near anything that could breathe. 

But there you were, endlessly trying to achieve the perfect eyeliner look because your college friends wanted to party. Failed attempts and sore eyelids lead you to a breakdown, and your attempts were soon washed away by your tears. Everything was too much and you just wanted a good night of sleep on a simple friday night. You sobbed in the bathroom as you tried to calm down, but your eyes were puffy and your face was swollen. The makeup was left on the bathroom sink and you went straight to your room to put on something more comfortable. 

Your parents weren't home, somehow when your dad was around he'd take your mom on late night dates. Simon, on the other hand, didn't have a wife or kids to come home to, and being your father's best friend, you probably saw the man even more than you saw your dad. He was almost always around when he was deployed, he had the keys to your parents house and he'd just show up. 

That wasn't exactly the best moment for him to appear in your living room when he realized the scream you let out. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare 'ya" he said. The room was lit by the TV screen and hopefully he wouldn't see your crying face. You sigh and walk to the kitchen, looking for something to eat, you end up making some popcorn and when you sneakily try to go straight back to your room, a cold hand grabs your arm. 

"Spit it out" he said. He knew you, usually you were happy and outgoing around him, and now you were just irritated and, of course, he couldn't comprehend. Your father didn't know but you were really close to Simon, he was kinda the cool uncle while your actual dad was strict and kind of annoying sometimes, Simon really made your high school years better just by being around when he could. 

"Not your business" you said, storming out. He followed your steps to your room, where you sat down on the bed and pulled a blanket over your legs, the bag of popcorn on your lap. He stood by the door frame, leaning against it, arms crossed as he eyed you. 

"Someone's grumpy" he tsked. "Come on, love, tell me what's wrong" he said as he came into the room and closed the door behind him. Something about him calling you love always caught you off guard, but now that you were in fact an adult with full knowledge of your feelings and needs, it made your stomach flip. 

"Nothing, Simon" you rolled your eyes at him as he sat in front of you on the bed. He made you a confused frown and laid a gentle hand on your knee. You could never keep things from him, his gaze burned you inside whenever he felt you were lying. "Just.. bad day, ok?" You sigh. 

"Bad day, huh?" You felt him mocking, but you couldn't care. "Elaborate." It felt so stupid to be angry because all the small things went wrong during the day, when you knew he had bigger problems to deal with in whatever army life he signed up for. 

"Everything went wrong today," you start, "I don't know, everything was either irritating me or hurting me, I even spilled the dirty water on me and the clean floor-" he cuts you off, laughing, you give him a killing stare. He holds the bridge of his nose and makes a disgusted face. 

"Have you showered?" His mood lightens you up and you chuckle, pushing him playfully. 

"Yes, I've showered." You say. "Cold shower, by the way." 

"What's wrong with the shower?" He asks and you shrug. "Aye I'll take a look at it later, 'k?" You nod. "Anything else that's bothering you?" God, it's like he could see through you. 

"I was going out with my friends," you explain shyly, "I couldn't finish my makeup and got frustrated, so I texted them saying I was sick." 

"And are you?" He tilts his head at you, you shake your head. "Why did you lie then, huh?" 

"Look I don't need a lecture on what to do, alright, Si? I just need to rest." The bag of popcorn on your lap became cold when you first took a handful to eat. 

"Want a massage?" He smirked. Of course you wanted a massage from those big, calloused hands of his that would fit perfectly around your neck. You stared at his hand and bit your lower lip, nodding. 

He gently pulled the blanket down from your legs and adjusted himself. You turned the TV on and he started to massage your feet. You let out a soft whimper as he ran his fingers against your skin, just now noticing how he shifted uncomfortably under your calves. 

Of course there was one more thing your dad didn't know: how touchy his best friend was with his daughter. You could say it was because he was a skirt chaser, or probably just touch starved, but the explanation didn't matter when his hand was traveling up your thigh under a blanket when you and your family were trying to watch a movie together. It was never more than this though, occasional touches that left you aching for him, hot and bothered. 

A movie played on the screen as he continued to massage your feet. There was something so sexual about him, the flexing muscles on his arm, his chest going up and down with his breathing, the growing bulge on his pants you could feel with your ankle and made a pool of arousal on your panties. 

Your shorts were... well, short, and he couldn't help but stare at you while you closed your eyes and imagined that monster of a man pinning you down and fucking you rough. More hums and soft whimpers escaped from your throat and they were going straight to Simon's dick. A malicious hand caressed your inner thigh and you opened your eyes with a confused, but hopeful look. He wasn't looking at you, and your stomach dropped when you saw a sex scene playing on the screen. You close your legs unsubconsciously and he looks at you. 

"'M sorry, love" he takes his hand off your thigh and chuckles. The nickname sent you over the edge, something snapping inside of you. He feels the way you shiver and how tense you seem, so he takes that bag of barely touched popcorn and places it by the bedside table and then land a warm hand on your waist. "What's on your mind, princess?" 

Well, nothing besides him naked, wasn't it obvious? But you couldn't say that, your mind was racing back and forth, and when you were unable to form a believable sentence, he caught you staring for too long. 

"Cat got your tongue?" He chuckled as his fingers traced circles on your waist. You can't remember the last time he tried doing this to you, but you know damn right you should've taken the chance to get laid, but God was it hard to understand this man. He'd tease you and pretend it was nothing, he'd leave you begging for him and say he couldn't touch you. Sometimes you just wanted to punch him for that. 

And yes, you found other ways to get satisfied. Got yourself a boyfriend during recess when neither Simon or your dad were around to pester the poor guy. But eventually they came home from wherever they were, and your father wasn't exactly happy about it, nor Simon, in fact, Simon was even more pissed than your dad. 

You couldn't say how many minutes you spent eyeing the man in front of you, but he grew impatient. The hand on your waist was gone and now spreading your legs to his liking, his body now towering over you. 

"If you don't tell me what's going on in that pretty little head of yours I'm gonna have to find out for myself." He said in a low, seductive voice. 

You gave in. Your hands grabbed the back of his neck and you kissed him feverly, a sloppy, wet kiss, he pressed his body onto yours and you could feel how hard he was on your lower body. But Simon was eager, he couldn't wait for it anymore, he needed to be inside of you. 

He yanked your shorts off, throwing it somewhere across the room, you also took his shirt off, revealing his perfect toned muscles and the scars that adorned it. He unbuckled his belt with one hand as the other one successfully removed your shirt. He didn't even bother taking his pants off, he just pushed them and his boxers down enough to let his dick free. He aligned it with your wet cunt, smearing your arousal all around your folds. 

"'S fucking wet already, huh?" He rubbed two fingers on your clit as he jerked himself off with his spare hand. "Can't imagine what you were thinking 'bout" he smirked. 

He put his tip on your entrance, looking at you for a sign of approval. You nod. He slowly pushed his length inside of you until it bottomed out. You clenched around him as you moaned. His body started moving faster as you adjusted to his size. He was big, you've felt it before with your hands, but you've never actually seen it. 

"Fuck, Si," you moan, "faster." You sounded like a desperate whore and he enjoyed it. You weren't exactly used to him not teasing you until you were on the verge of tears, so when he started to pound into you, you couldn't hold your moans. 

"Needy little slut." He grabbed your hips in place, almost using you like a fleshlight. He groaned, his chest rising with the heavy breathing. Fuck, that man was hot. 

His hands let go of your hips and held the back of your knees, so you were spreading even more. He watched as his dick abused your swollen and wet cunt, and he could cum just at the sight of his pretty princess getting ruined by his fat cock. You felt the cold metal on his belt hit the back of your thighs as he gave you deep thrusts. 

One of his hands traveled to your folds, his thumb drawing circles on your sensitive clit. As he was fucking your brains out, you dig your nails on his shoulders and earned a few moans along with a smirk. 

You were both really close when you heard a car park in the driveway, your eyes widened at Simon as he didn't seem to have listened to the sound of your parents getting home. 

"Fuck, Simon, my parents" you tried to push him away but his grip on you got stronger. He placed both of his hands on your neck and squeezed it. 

"Shut up" he whispered, not altering his pace. "Cum f' me, love" he demanded. Your hand rubbed your clit as he fucked you even harder. It was impossible to hold it back anymore and you reached your climax under him, your legs shaking from the overstimulation of his non-stopping thrusts. You heard the front door getting open. "'M gonna fill this pretty cunt of yours, huh? 'S that what you want?" He whispered in your ear. You could only slightly nod. "Good girl." He gave you a few more deep, shaky thrusts as he spilled his load into you and pulled out. 

"Y/n? We're home" you heard your mom shout from downstairs. Simon quickly pulled his pants up and put his shirt back on, throwing you your shorts that were across the room, tossed on the ground. He quickly got out and went to the bathroom, pretending he was fixing the shower. 

"Simon?" Your dad shouted in a worried and anxious tone, he obviously saw his friend's car in the driveway, and what was his friend doing here in the night when his daughter was alone? 

"Here" he shouted back from the bathroom, your dad ran upstairs to check if everything was alright and found Simon trying to fix the shower. 

"Everything alright? Heard noises" your dad asked. 

"Y/n gave me a call, she wanted to shower but apparently the shower wasn't working" you overheard Simon explain. He stepped out, turned it on and let the water run for a bit. "It's working now." 

You have absolutely no clue what the fuck he did with the shower in such a short period of time, but the effort was well appreciated. He tried to excuse himself out, but your dad insisted for him to stay the night. You waited in your room until your parents went to bed to get out, the back of your thighs were marked from his belt and your neck was red from his grip, not to mention the oozing cum on your thighs that your panties and shorts weren't able to hold. 

Simon was in the guest room when he heard you walk to the bathroom to get yourself cleaned, and of fucking course he wouldn't let you do it alone, he's finally got a taste of you after all these years holding back and he won't stop until he's fucking his cum inside you again as the running water muffles the sounds of how good he makes you feel.

[pupyuj]

[cw: smut, g!p, overstimulation, masturbation]

almost lost my train of thought here... but i was thinking about minjeong and short-circuited,, yknow.. the usual 😵‍💫 this is so long it might as well have been a full fic 😭😭 i probably said 'minjeong' way too many times here but ignore me okay i love her name...

EDIT: I GOT THE CWS WRONGJDJCNGK

your perv virgin bff minjeong who's always thinking about fucking you :(( even in some of her dreams you're there.. naked and telling her to give in to her temptations and then she wakes up with the most horrible hard on ever that she has to calm herself down 😭😭 but like she definitely could fuck you bcs it's not like you're a prude and you have slept with your other friends before,, but minjeong chickens out every time she could talk to you about it,,, how could she even talk about it?! her, the shy and 'pathetic' kim minjeong, asking for you, the sweet and charming (y/n) to have sex with her?? no, minjeong thinks she doesn't deserve that privilege 💔

bbut likeeee what if you invite her over to your house for your weekly movie nights,, minjeong arriving on time just like always, thinking the night was going to be just like the others where she has to try and keep her urges controlled while she watches you snore next to her 😭 and she's seeing you in one of your cute pajamas sets again and has a little mental breakdown inside her head bcs her bff was so dang cute :(( but she's also growing a fucking boner again bcs when is she not???? thank god you never minded that minjeong had a dick bcs she knew that if you were to take a glance down, you would see the very obvious tent in her sweatpants 😟🫣

minjeong sitting down on your bed, all changed in her pajamas and lazily browsing your movie collection,,, hiding her hard on under one of your plushies bcs ofc she had to be staring at your plump ass the entire time you walked around your room 😩

"shit,, i'm sorry minjeong, i forgot to buy us packets of hot chocolate earlier," you said, pouting cutely.

"it's okay, we can just have the bread and the other snacks," minjeong smiles at you, finding this side of yourself very endearing .

"mmm but i wanted a warm drink," you mumbled . just then, minjeong got a sick thought in her head that made her blush so hard, she had to focus her eyes back on the tv. ugh she was such a dirty-minded girl, she thought of you gulping up her cum like it was a cup of hot chocolate :((

"i'll run down to the convenience store real quick! will you be okay here?" and minjeong nodded. you've left her alone in your house before and usually she just stayed in your room and scrolled through her phone . "i'll lock the door, don't worry. i'll be back in a few!" and then you were gone. minjeong finally gets rid of the plushie on her lap and looked at her throbbing hard cock, her face all red . she was hopeless . she can't possibly try and get rid of it, she was in your room! you'd immediately know if your best friend decided to jack off and come on your bed! eventually, minjeong decided to just distract herself and pray that her cock will calm down on its own... and what does she do? walk around your room and clean up .

she arranged your plushies on your bed, fixed the framed pictures sitting atop your bookshelf, slid a few books back inside your bookshelf, cleaned up your study table and vanity mirror, then she makes her way inside your bathroom, where she saw a few of your dirty clothes lying on the floor . clicking her tongue, she picks it all up and throws it inside your dirty laundry basket... except a thin, purple pair of panties that she couldn't stop looking at while holding it in her hands. and oh no, there her boner goes again...

fuck, this was impossible. she has to do something, right??? you were going to be out and about for who knows how long... it should be okay, right???

minjeong making her way back to your bed with a sense of urgency :(( nearly tripping over her own feet trying to pull her pajama pants and panties off,, sitting back down on your bed, her cock hanging in the air,, oh she so knew this was wrong in all ways but she has to calm herself before you arrive or else she'll go through the embarrassment of you noticing her hard cock halfway through the night and possibly tease her about it :(((

meanwhile... you're rushing back to your house with a bag full of hot chocolate packets and a few extra snacks bcs you're paranoid that some guy might break in and hurt your little minjeong sjsndjkfkdf calling out to your best friend as soon as you're inside, taking off your flip flops and jacket and heading to the kitchen to heat up some water when you hear... groaning? oh god did somebody actually break in??!!! you rushing up the stairs with only minjeong's safety in mind and coming to a complete stop in front of your bedroom door when you hear minjeong's voice moaning... your name...?? you left the door slightly open earlier, so you took a peek inside...

lo and behold, your best friend, the sweetest, most innocent girl you know, has your favorite pair of panties wrapped around her hard cock 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 she doesn't notice you standing by the door yet, too lost in pleasure and too focused on getting herself to come . she's bucking her hips against the fabric, where the tiniest bit of your own slick from when you were wearing it before remain.. but then she puts your panties against her nose and inhaled, finding your scent so addicting... she's simultaneously jerking herself off and within the next seconds, she came with a whine.. and you watched as her cum spurted out of her cock and onto your bedsheets...

"holy fuck minjeong." bcs what else were you supposed to say!?

poor minjeong nearly bursting into tears when she realizes that you've watched her,, immediately hiding her cock underneath your blankets and dropping your panties on the floor,,, "i-i-i... you're s-supposed to be gone... you weren't supposed to see all that..!!" she's so embarrassed, it's almost heartbreaking 😔 but see, what minjeong doesn't know is that you don't give a fuck.

approaching her on the bed, standing by the side and grabbing her face, "minjeong.. don't cry, it's okay," you're saying bcs now the poor girl was actually in tears :(((

"i'm so s-sorry, (y/n)... i know i'm fucking weird.. i h-had to do something about it, i'm sorry..." ugh it really hurt to see your best friend like this :(( but.. you did say before that you would do anything to cheer her up... and what better way to do that than to relieve her?? ☺️☺️☺️

minjeong's eyes nearly bulging out of her head when you pulled the blanket off of her legs, freeing her still hard cock... taking off your pajama top and climbing on your bed, on your knees, face down and so dangerously close to minjeong's cock... "i got you, minjeong... you don't even have to ask." and her mind completely goes blank when you planted a kiss on her tip 😵‍💫😩

easing her length into your mouth bcs unexpectedly enough, minjeong was surprisingly big :((( feeling your pussy clench at the way her cock twitched as you pushed it deeper and deeper down your throat steadily... looking up at minjeong and seeing her completely entranced by how your mouth feels on her cock.. she was so cute </3 finally bobbing your head up and down slowly, dragging your lips on her shaft and simultaneously licking off her cum from before...

minjeong was completely frozen, convinced that she was stuck in a daydream bcs she never once thought that you would do this with her :(((( you putting her hand on your head, silently pleading her to use your mouth with your eyes but minjeong's virgin ass doesn't know what to do at alllll 😭😭😭 so she just pets your head and nods at you cutely, as if to tell you to keep on doing what you're doing ugh she's so stupid...

rolling your eyes and deciding to do it all on your own, moving your head up and down faster and faster, making yourself gag when minjeong's cock touches the back of your throat,,, minjeong nearly screaming out as she came,, her warm cum filled up your mouth, and you're swallowing every drop <333

"thank you... thank you, (y/n)..." minjeong says, completely out of her head... and you just laugh at her bcs oh, poor girl doesn't know what was coming... you're suddenly pulling her down on the bed, making her lay flat on her back while you took off your pajama pants and panties,,, minjeong staring at you with wide eyes... on one hand she thought you pussy was really pretty but on the other, holy fuck she was so turned on 😵‍💫

"don't think i never see you checking my ass out, minjeong. you're not as slick as you think, baby," you wink at her before turning yourself around facing minjeong's legs and bending down a little, pushing your ass against her cock. oh god she knew exactly what you were going to do,,, you lifted yourself up, spread your folds open, and dropped your cunt on minjeong's cock,,

both of you moaning loudly at the feeling,, gripping minjeong's ankle as you fucked yourself onto her cock,, your best friend watching your ass jiggle every time you dropped down,, fuck she could come just by the sight alone she's so weak for you :((((

"mmhm..! you should've told me, minjeong... you really should have told me you were so big.. ahh...! i would have let you fuck me sooner... so much sooner..." you were moaning like crazy, riding her deeper and faster, hitting all of your sweet spots with your best friend's cock 🫠 a part of you have always wanted to use her like this.. minjeong was so timid and always needed you,, you should have known that she need you in this way too!

"f-from now on.. you won't get to suffer anymore, baby... a-ahhn... i'll let you fuck me whenever you need me... o-okay? just call me and i'll be there, alright...? fuck...! i'm your best friend after all," oh, you were driving minjeong crazyyy 😵‍💫😵‍💫 she was gripping your ass now, ruthlessly slamming her cock inside you, completely driven by her desire for you 😳 she's scratching your lower back, sure to leave marks and small wounds but you don't mind of course 😩

ehehejdejd minjeong suddenly having the courage to get up, push you onto your knees, all fours on your bed, and then pounding into you from behinddd 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

"fucking finally.. knew you had it in you... come on, harder... fuck me, minjeong...!!"

and that she does! tiny grunts in your ear as she thrusting her cock into you as best as she can,, ofc she's a little clumsy but you know she'll make up for it in the future... you'll be there to help her ☺️ minjeong whining in your ear, holding your hands, biting on your shoulder as she cums inside you :((( you're coming too, and you sounded so heavenly to her... your moans were definitely sounds that she wants to hear her whole life...

the two of you definitely fuck all night 😭😭😭 in between movies and sips of hot chocolate, minjeong just can't get enough of youuu 💖💖

[bones4thecats]

you could do, Breakdown x fembot pregnant reader x Knockout. all three are conjux. 💙❤

TFP! KnockDown w/ their Carrying! S/O

Characters: Knockout and Breakdown (Transformers Prime) Requester: 💙❤Anon A/N: I jinxed myself in my last post lol. Short my ass!!! XD ⚠️ Spoilers/Trigger Warnings for: Nothing ⚠️

Disclaimer: This is set in a timeline where Breakdown lives and joins the Autobots alongside Knockout and their S/O before the film!

╔══════════════════════════════════════════╗

╚═════ Knockout and Breakdown ═══════════════════╝

🪚🥊 You were very content with your two sparkmates. While it was normally unusual to have more than one with your species, nobody really judged you for it, which surprised the three of you, as you lived on the Nemesis full of judgmental 'Cons

🪚 Knockout was very pleased to have both you and Breakdown by his side. He adored how strong Breakdown was and how intelligent you were. It was like you two were the two sides of a coin while he was the ridge that surrounded you both in a welded-mixture

🥊 Breakdown was like Knockout, he was happy to be with you both. He and Knockout went quite a bit back, but when he met you, he felt that you completed them both perfectly, allowing Knockout to be the perfect middle-ground to your Yin-Yang bond with Breakdown

🪚🥊 The two mechs were happy to live a life with their sparkmates. But, this was turned on their helms when you found out that you were carrying

🪚🥊 If they had it up to their choices, they would've held the carrying-process for after the War ended to keep you and your future-sparklings safe from any danger. But alas, Primus had to be cruel sometimes

🪚🥊 The duo decided to try keeping this from Megatron as best as possible. He had no care for anything happy, so if he were to find out that you were carrying, who knows what would happen to not only them for hiding this and technically causing it, but what was happen to you and your offspring?

🪚 Knockout proposed finding a way in old records to keep the sparklings growing in a tube of energon so they would be fed and grow at a constant and healthy-rate, though you declined and didn't like the risks it would give you guys

🥊 Breakdown was silent throughout the process. He had no idea what you guys could do in the situation, he wasn't specializing in anything other than destroying things and taking orders from his superiors

🪚🥊 After nearly an Earth-week long discussion with your sparkmates, it was leaked that you were carrying, which did not put you guys in good-waters with Megatron

🪚🥊 He called you three to the main room, and you stood nervously between the two mechs. You could hear the light tapping of your Lord's claw-like digits against the keyboard, and it was a very scary noise at the moment

"I heard that you're carrying, Y/N. Is that correct?" He asked.

"Yes, Lord Megatron."

"Why keep such information away from me?"

"We were just in shock from the announcement, my Lord. It was more of a 'heat-of-the-moment' kind of thing, you know?" Knockout said.

🪚🥊 Megatron nodded and looked down at you, making you slightly shiver in fear as his red-optic glare nearly bore holes into your processor. It was as if he wanted you dead more than he wanted the Prime defeated

🪚🥊 Your Lord blinked and looked up at the two 'Cons behind you, glancing at you before looking them both in their optics before saying the thing that would push you guys to your edge

"If there are any complications; I want that thing exterminated, no matter the cost. Understood?"

"Y-yes, sir." Knockout replied, bowing to the larger mech.

"Understood..." Breakdown agreed.

🪚🥊 It was that night that you three left for a drive before contacting the Autobots, much to their confusion and anger. Why were these three; three of their biggest adversaries in the Decepticons, wishing to speak?

🪚🥊 The Autobots appeared from their Ground-Bridge and saw you three standing there, Breakdown's arm being wrapped around you as you shivered and fearfully thinking about the future of your child if they were to be exterminated

🪚 Knockout stared at the 'Bots and sighed, walking up to them so he could speak face-plate to face-plate with their leader, Optimus Prime

"We're sorry for interrupting your night, Autobots," he began. "But, there were some issues that came up with us and we are... in need of your assistance."

"Why are you needing our help?" Bulkhead asked.

🪚🥊 You freed yourself from Breakdown's grasp and walked up to the Autobot team, reaching into your compact-space and pulling out a digital pad, showing them an image of your spark, two little balls of Cybertronian-life floating beside it, one having a cherry-red color while the other had a blue-glow

"You're carrying?" Ratchet asked.

"They are. And Megatron found out..." Breakdown said.

"You want to keep them safe from danger, am I correct?" Optimus said, looking at the two 'Cons for any sign of deceit, only to find none.

"Yes." They said together.

🪚🥊 The others looked at Optimus for his answer, and were surprised when he looked at you and pat your shoulder-pad before moving it to lightly rub your helm gently, much like how a Sire or Carrier would help their sparkling calm down their processor during development

"They can stay with us." He said, smiling at the two mechs.

🪚🥊 Breakdown and Knockout smiled and looked at you. You just looked back and stepped up to them, wrapping your arms around one of their neck's each, pulling them into their own sides of your own neck

"You'll be safe, beautiful." Knockout said in your audio sensor.

"We'll contact you daily, okay? Promise!" Breakdown added.

🪚🥊 Optimus and the others watched with slight pity. Yes, they were their enemies, but seeing just how much they cared for one another made them wonder; should they really separate them all?

🪚🥊 Before the two of them walked off, Optimus called their names, making them turned around in confusion

"Separating a sparkling from their Sire, or rather Sires, is horrible... so..."

🪚🥊 Sighing before holding his servos out for them to shake if they wanted too, Optimus finished;

"Would you care to join us as well?"

[barcaatthemoon]

the truth ii || jenni hermoso x reader ||

the aftermath of your breakdown.

jenni found herself walking back to the hotel soon after alexia took you away. mapi would probably kick her ass in the morning for everything, but jenni had been waiting for that moment to come. she had expected punches to come flying her way when she came back from mexico, but it seemed that you had kept quiet about the break up. you had even kept quiet when you had to stand by and watch as jenni buried herself in between the legs of various women to distract herself from you.

"ale, open up," jenni said as she knocked on your hotel room door. she had expected to find alexia watching over you for the night, and was partially shocked to see ona and patri there instead. "where is alexia?"

"she's getting some things for (y/n), who has been very chatty by the way," ona warned. jenni knew from the silence and tension radiating from patri that you told them what happened. jenni couldn't think of anything to say to defend herself.

"i'm sorry." jenni stood awkwardly at the door, hoping that one of them would let her in. "i didn't know what happened at first, but eventually it started to come back in bits and pieces."

"jenni, go back to your own room," alexia said as she pushed past jenni to get into your room.

"i want to talk to you," jenni said. alexia gave the younger players a nod as she put the thing she had bought for you in their arms. jenni stepped into the hallway with alexia, who lost her cool once the door was shut. jenni hadn't expected the outburst from alexia, who despite her poor temper, had gotten it under control as she came into the position of captain.

"how could you let me treat her like that? you knew what you did, jenni. we loved and supported you unconditionally, all the while you were the own cause of your sadness. if you would have gotten over yourself, the two of you could have been married by now!" alexia's voice was raised and her hands were fisted around the collar of jenni's shirt. jenni was backed against the wall, just waiting for the inevitable punch to come from alexia's fist. "they shut her out because we all thought she broke your heart and ran."

"i'm sorry," jenni apologized. alexia let go of her, unable to look at jenni for a second longer. "this is a mess, and it's all my fault. i don't know how to fix it."

"you'll be damn lucky if any of us can fix this. because of you, we all hurt her too. if you would have just told the fucking truth, none of this would have happened. you didn't mean any of that, not even in the message," alexia said. jenni froze at the mention of the voicemail. her face fell immediately.

"y-you heard the voicemail?" jenni felt like all of the air had been forced out of her lungs as alexia nodded her head. she had expected you to delete it. a night of drinking had coaxed jenni into venting to you about the breakup and all the things she had said. the only issue was that jenni was full of misplaced anger, and every terrible thing she felt about herself had been directed at you instead. "i didn't mean any of that about (y/n). it as about me, it was always about me."

"just get the hell out of here for now," alexia said. she was at a loss as to what she should have done. she knew that jenni hadn't meant any of that towards you, but that didn't change the fact that she had said it. nothing would ever be able to change the fact that she had said it, and despite the fact that alexia knew both of you still loved each other deeply, she wasn't sure that she was comfortable letting you go back to jenni after everything. it could only be a matter of time before she got fucked up again, leaving you to go through the whole ordeal once more.

…

slowly over the course of the next few days, the team seemed to warm up to you again. ona and patri had refused to leave your side, both of them apologizing for icing you out profousely. in all honesty, you knew that you should have been mad at them, but you were far too relieved to have friends again to care. even better than that, you were glad to no longer have to avoid your captain or the players you used to look to for guidance.

"i don't know if this is really your thing, but i was going to go with some of the girls to a candy store. i've heard a lot about it online, it's supposed to be pretty cool," mapi said as she stood awkwardly in front of your seat. you had eaten breakfast with ona, patri, and pina. it was nice, aside from the fact that jenni spent the whole morning in the corner by herself, not even sitting at a table. you had been mad at her, but you still didn't want her to be shut out by the team like you were.

"yeah, that sounds good. maybe you should ask jenni too, i bet she'd like to come," you tried to suggest. mapi gave you a look as she sat down across from you. "she's been your friend longer than i've been here. longer than any of you have known i existed. remember that i knew it was risky dating her with the age gap."

"yes, but jenni knows what she did. has she even apologized to you?" mapi asked. you shrugged. technically, there had been quite a few apologies, but none of them had been very good. jenni's sincerity had been wasted away because of your anger, and by the time you were willing to hear her out, she was mad at you.

"it's complicated, mapi. even after everything, i still love her and that's got to mean something," you reasoned.

"yeah, it means you're young. i'd stay away from her if i was you," mapi warned. you nodded in understanding, but chose not to say anything. mapi wandered off to gather up a few more girls to go to the candy store with you, which was when you took your opportunity to sneak back to your room. all you had wanted was a little time to process your thoughts, but nobody wanted to leave you alone.

you understood patri and ona being clingy, especially ona, but it was still rough on you. being alone had become your norm in germany, and while your contract was coming up soon, you weren't sure if you wanted to go back to barcelona. alexia had been pushing for it, which was part of why you had agreed to go out with mapi today instead. mapi had been the one to listen to you talk about the different club options silently yesterday. alexia had been loud, giving you a million reasons why barcelona was better than all of the other ones.

"shit, sorry. i can wait," jenni said as she walked over to the elevators. you didn't look over towards her, not even as the doors opened. you stepped inside first. jenni just stood there until you held the door open for her, indicating that you didn't mind her coming in too. "are you sure?"

"no, but you should come here anyway," you told her. jenni cracked a small smile as she stepped into the elevator with you. it was a little awkward at first, and even more so when you looked over to find her staring at you. "you didn't have to sit on the floor at breakfast today. i'm sure someone would have sat with you."

"not a chance. if we didn't have more games, i'd be back in mexico already," jenni admitted. she had planned on staying an extra couple of weeks in spain to spend with friends and family. you didn't like the idea of her abandoning that because of that happened with you. "i saw on instagram that you're going to be a free agent soon. i didn't think you had signed such a short contract."

"alexia wants me to come back to barcelona, but i'm not sure. i haven't told ona or patri that jona wants me back yet. god, she'll be so mad if i don't come back," you sighed. jenni cautiously reached out and placed her hand on your back. "you really made a mess of things for me."

"i made a mess of things for both of us, and i am so sorry. those things i said, i wasn't talking about you when i said them. i was talking about me," jenni admitted. your brows furrowed as you stared at her. "i hadn't thought much about how it would look at first, and then it was pushed into my head so i couldn't think of anything else. i never thought to ask you if you thought i was taking advantage of you. i mean, it all happened so fast at first."

"would you have ever asked me out if we didn't get drunk and sleep together?" you asked. jenni bit her lip awkwardly as she rubbed the back of her neck. "tell me. i want to hear the truth jenni."

"no, nothing would have ever happened if that first night didn't. i wouldn't have let you keep coming over, but i think i still would have loved you. i wouldn't have gotten nervous when you kissed me at alexia's, so i wouldn't have thrown up everywhere on the balcony. you wouldn't have had to drive me back to my place to take care of me, and i wouldn't have asked you to move in with me," jenni admitted. "i wouldn't have been 32 with a 19 year old girlfriend. we wouldn't have to tell the team, and patri wouldn't have ever fucking gotten in my face about us, so i wouldn't have come back home and yelled at you like that. so, i am sorry that i didn't have any fucking control, but i don't regret sleeping with you one bit."

"i don't either," you whispered. jenni glanced over at you with a small smile on her face. it didn't do much to hide the tears in her eyes or the way that her voice had been shaking as she recounted the things that wouldn't have happened if you hadn't slept with jenni for the first time.

"you should. you should be angrier with me than you are. i know that i can't stand myself when someone mentions you." jenni sank back into herself a little. you knew that jenni being upset and genuine about the breakup should have made you feel better, but it only made you feel worse. "thank you for listening to me."

"can i talk now?" you asked jenni. she nodded and you pressed the emergency stop button on the elevator. "sit down."

jenni did exactly as you asked, sliding down the wall to sit. you sat down across from her with your legs crossed. it was a habit that alexia and mapi got onto you for because it was truly terrible for your knees. jenni had never gotten onto you for things like they did, she had always gently corrected you, if she ever did. jenni liked being your girlfriend much more than she liked being an authority figure or mentor.

"if you would have talked to me about what was bothering you back then, i could have helped. i could have reassured you that you weren't taking advantage of me. i could have reminded you that every step of the way, i resisted through your persistence that it wasn't right. i could have reminded you that i wanted this so badly that i used to stay up all night trying to figure out how the hell i was going to be around you the next day," you told her.

jenni pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them, balling herself up a bit. you could see the nervous little twitch in her fingers that she tried to hide. despite what you knew was in your best interests, you reached out and took jenni's hand. almost immediately, the floodgates opened up for her and she launched herself into your arms.

"i don't think that we can do this again jenni, i really don't," you sighed. jenni glanced up at you, her makeup now smeared all over your shirt. "mapi was right, i can't just take you back. i want to so badly, and i know that i love you, but i need to love someone else. i can't run back to you, jenni, i just can't."

"oh, okay," jenni said as she stood up. you sighed as you watched her flip the elevator switch again, despite you not really being done. you had more to say, but it was obvious in the way that jenni shook as she stood there that she was on the verge of breaking down. it wasn't your job to comfort her, so she wouldn't subject you to watching that.

she stopped the elevator at the next floor, which definitely wasn't hers. you watched her sprint away from you like she couldn't get away fast enough. you sighed as you stood up, waiting for the elevator to stop on your floor. when it did, you were met with ona and mapi standing there, waiting for you.

"hi guys," you said softly. you moved past them to get to your room to change your shirt, thankful that neither of them wanted to talk to you about it. they waited for you to get ready before the three of you left together, everybody else having gone out a little earlier.

"have you thought about where you want to sign to?" mapi asked. ona's head snapped over to look at you, and for a moment, you thought about strangling mapi in the middle of the busy street.

"no, i haven't," you hissed. ona cleared her throat, causing you to glance over towards her. "oni, i would have told you, bu-,"

"sign to arsenal, they want you. i think that you could really help them, and it'll be fun to play against you in the champion's league," ona told you. you were shocked that she wasn't begging you to come back to barcelona. you remembered the night you packed up your bags and left for germany, and the way that ona had sobbed on her knees begging you to stay.

"are you sure? ale said that barcelona would resign me," you told her.

"it's not the right time for you to come back to barcelona, not yet. who knows, maybe you'll find a cute girl in london. they go a little crazy for a spanish accent. i hear leila's having a lot of fun in manchester," ona teased. your cheeks burned with heat as you thought about what she was suggesting. mapi nudged you as well, obviously on board with this idea. "think about it, okay?"

"yeah, i will," you promised. in all honesty, you had thought about transferring to the wsl or even the nwsl. there were a couple of teams in america that had really wanted you, but there was no way that you'd ever run into jenni in england. she was too far away to excuse a casual visit, so maybe arsenal was just what you needed for closure.

[limes-sagau]

Starting My Sagau Writing Journey

Ok Im wanting to dip my toes into the Sagau writing scene and I wanted to put out about 3 ideas I have and plan on writing. Each idea will be outlined below and people are welcome to take inspiration off of them just make sure to tag me in the writing. There will also be a poll at the end where you can vote for which one you want to see first. When I finish writing each chapter they will be put up on AO3. 

Shimeji AU: 

For those who don't know, Shimeji is a browser extension that spawns a chibi version of a character onto your browser. This character can then move around and climb on the borders of your web page and just be a cute little distraction (I know this might sound like malware but its not I've had a Venti and a Lumine Shimegi for a while now and haven't experienced anything that can imply they are malware) 

This would be more of a drabble and less of a full fic. 

Basically the characters in genshin become aware through their Shimeji and then begin acting up in your browser when you're out of the game (when you're in game you're fine).

If you leave your web browser opened when you leave your computer you will come back to it being on a weird page 

Like Venti looking at a wine website 

Diluc somehow ending up on a streaming service watching Batman 

Yae Miko finding your writing 

I'll likely start off with characters from Mondstadt and go down the list for each region.

Kidnapped by the Harbingers (not the final title): 

Exactly as it sounds, in the middle of the night you are taken from your college dorm (or room I likely won't specify) to Teyvat after the harbingers find a way into our world. 

Haven't decided which harbinger will be sent (leaning towards Childe because I feel like it would fit best and he'd be down for that type of experiment). 

Most of it will take place in a separate castle from Zapolyarny Palace. 

If you want to know my specific location I have in mind their is a visual novel called Dottore And The Spy where you become Dottores apprentice (highly suggest this visual novel) but its main story takes place in a castle in the middle of a frozen wasteland away from civilization where both Pantalon and Dottore live. This will be the main location for the story. 

I'll also be adding in Capitano as another permanent resident of this castle because I want to write about a big strong man who is the emotional intelligence of the three main harbingers present. 

The other harbingers and the Tsaritsa will appear but they will be much more understated in their role.

I want this fanfic to go into the mental load that being locked away from the world has on a person's psyche.

Readers' powers will slowly awaken, making it harder for the Harbingers to keep us a secret from Teyvat and specifically Celestia.

This won't be a full blown yandere fic with the harbingers, they will be slightly possessive but it is more about your safety since Celestia doesn't like you. 

Celestia will be the ultimate enemy over all but the story will not be focused on shooting down Celestia from the sky as readers powers will not ever reach the strength needed to face Celestia alone. 

Harbingers plan will not have changed; they are still working to take down Celestia.   

This will be taking place after Sumeru (so no Scara or La Signora and their will be less clones)

The story will also include 

Getting to know and bond with your castle staff like maids or ladies in waiting (I know these are typically only given to female presenting reader but I want to write about gossip and forming friendships so this is what I'm going with) 

Quality time with each harbinger

Impressing Dottore with your basic levels of knowledge on Astronomy (since Teyvats sky is fake)

Eventually a runaway arch

Lots of tears and mental breakdowns, but don’t worry there will be comfort as well

Shenanigans 

Possibly NSFW after reader finally convinces everyone to stop calling them “your grace”

To Make a Haven (Title might change):

Imposter (but reader is the real deal) AU

Reader gets killed once by a mob of NPCs 

I want it specifically to be NPCs so the reader still has emotional attachment to the playable characters

Reader seeks out a safe and secluded place  

Teyvat awakens to readers distress and opens up a hidden area of the map to the reader that can only be accessed through very specific means. 

Reader eventually starts bringing in Hilichurls to what for now im going to be calling “the Grove” 

Reader will begin messing around and experimenting with her powers and finds a way to somewhat heal the hilichurls 

This isn't a full fix it will be like layering a curse on top of a curse in order to negate some of the effects of the original curse

The hilicurls will not return to being human they will become something else (human like but not human) 

This fic will contain way more original characters 

Reader will be more spiteful in this fic but less in like a “make everyone suffer” way and more like “lets shake up the system and make everything more challenging for people because they tried to kill me” 

This fic will span over a larger span of time in world with the reader building a full city in the hidden area Teyvat made for them.

Well those are my three ideas! after this poll is done I'm hoping to get the first chapter out with that week, but I'm a college student and it been a while since I have written fanfiction so i make no promises.

[im-not-buying-it-ether]

Not my idea, pointed out in Tiktok, but something had to be up with Martha Wayne if her alternate self becomes the Joker after seeing her son die.

Now, onto what is my idea; There definitely was something wrong, but it was handled for the most part until that point came up and she had a full mental breakdown over the event

And there are two ways she could’ve been mentally ill, and that depends on the time period you set Gotham back in

If it’s modern day? Martha could’ve been getting genuine medical help, seeing a psychiatrist and being properly medicated by some of the best doctors in the business. (Isn’t Thomas a doctor sometime too? They had to have trusted friends in the field to help her and keep it under wraps from the public) Maybe her symptoms are minimalized but still there in Bruce’s childhood and his young self can’t understand why there are some days where he just can’t be around his mother or why she has bad days, but there’s always his dad or Alfred able to distract him while the other keeps an eye on her in some other part of the Manor because there’s plenty of room to keep space when she’s not herself that day. Maybe, in that one horrible night, she breaks and doesn’t want to be there or lucid enough to understand that her son is gone and just falls further and further into the role she took up.

The worse outcome if it’s old Gotham? Lobotomy. Women who needed help and care having their brains irreparably damaged so they’re less to deal with, and what’s an eight year old to understand of what happened to their mother or how their mothers always been like?

[writersmess]

Ok, first of all

I LOVED the buck fanfic you wrote the other day, my heart...melting! So, I came back with a New idea! (If you want it, of course)

Now. Season 6 Was a rollercoaster of emotions, especially when buck got Hit by lighting. What if his fiance (from your other work) is by him day and night, being all calm and optimistic, knowing buck. And when he finally draws his first breath all alone, she just falls on her knees, crying and finally letting it all out what she held back all this time?

Now, if you don't want to do it, just simply skip 😊 no one forces you. Anyway! Have a great time and take Breaks, think about yourself.

COME BACK (TO REALITY) | EVAN BUCKLEY

Pairing: Evan Buckley x fem!reader

Summary: After being proposed to by Buck in the middle of the night, you didn’t expect an accident to change the course of your lives.

Warning: Mental breakdown, crying, hospital, mention of being struck by lightning.

Word count: 1.5k

a/n: oh my god, I didn’t think it would take me so long to get back. these months have been so crazy at work, I’ve been doing crazy shifts and I’m trying to get my social life back together again. I’ve missed writing for our troublemaker boy.

I hope you enjoy it!!! And I apologize if there’s any mistakes, English is not my first language.

It can be read as a sequel to Vivid Dream.

Masterlist

...........................................

“buck had an accident, we’re at the hospital”

All it took was one message to turn your life upside down.

It’s funny how life is a great well of irony. you spend half of your life by yourself, sometimes hoping to find your soulmate, sometimes not. and then you find them. and they’re everything you didn’t even know you were looking for.

It was amazing how you and buck matched but at the same time were so different. you were adorable. had the warmest and the most welcoming smiles and hugs, and the best advice anyone could ever need. and you were determined, you knew what you wanted for your future, ever since you were a kid. and buck, well, it was buck. the boy who ran away in the hope of finding himself and finding the true meaning of happiness.

which he didn’t imagine that it would be in those sparkling eyes of yours or in that sincere smile on your lips.

and you also didn’t expect to find it so soon in a man like buck. so spontaneous, with such a beautiful smile, and with such a traumatic past.

and that was your fiancé now.

after proposing at 4am in the middle of a shift. with no ring and definitely with no preparation, but with the greatest love that could fit inside of that heart full os scars of him.

“going on a call. love you”

The opened and unanswered message screamed in the car holder as you drove through the dark and empty streets of L.A.

you didn’t know what to expect, what could have happened. you took deep and long breathes, your hands shaking as you gripped the steering wheel, your heart pounding.

“He was struck by lightning”

you knew all the risks that this job entailed, but this was something totally beyond your imagination. it was something impossible to predict.

you paced back and forth in the corner of the waiting room, not wanting to see the looks of pity from your friends. buck would be fine soon, he would face this like he faced everything else.

Eddie without saying a word stopped in front of you and waited until you noticed his presence, so he could hug you. and that’s exactly what you needed at the moment.

“only one of you can go and see him now”

before the doctor had finished his sentence you were at his side, walking with him to the room where your best friend, your fiancé, was.

and he was there. sedated. intubated. It’s like your world was one step away from falling apart. You’d never felt like this before, like control was out of your hands. you had it all figured out, all the plans, the dreams, the next steps, everything was millimetrically planned. and suddenly it wasn’t anymore. your eyes were on Buck lying on the gurney, in such a deep sleep, his face was confused, his frown slightly furrowed, as if he was in an argument, or frustrated.

a few days has passed and Buck’s condition was stable. the days had been grayer, your apartment was empty and you didn’t feel like working, at all. but you woke up every day, put a smile on your face and tried to be optimistic, you had faith that he would get well, he needed to. he needed to come back to you.

You didn’t know it, but 118 commented about you, they thought you were in a state of shock. you didn’t cry, quite the opposite, you always had a smile on your face. when someone was worried about Buck’s situation, you would put your hand on their shoulder and tell them that everything would be fine, that he would be back soon. Eddie was very worried. he knew you, and he knew that you were going to fall apart at any moment, and he hoped to be around when it happened.

you were coming into Buck’s room when you saw Chris talking to your unconscious fiancé, and your eyes automatically filled with tears. you kept quiet and stood in the corner watching the scene and could see Eddie drying his tears, and your heart sank. you needed the love of your life back, Eddie needed his best friend back, Chris needed his playmate back. Buck needed to come back, he needed to fill in the gaps that were open in so many hearts.

“hey buddy, how was your conversation with Buck?” you made yourself noticed when Chris finished talking to him and he smiled when he saw you.

“is he going to be okay right?” Eddie could see you trying hard to hold back the tears, something he didn’t even bother to hide anymore.

“of course sweety, he’ll come back to us”

***

it was mid-afternoon, you were sitting in the chair next to his bed, trying to read a book, when your mind started to take you to places you didn’t want to go. everything started coming at you hard, all these feelings. it was an anxiety crisis. you felt your heart pounding, difficulty in drawing in air, and tears began to fall.

you approached the bed and held tightly onto the hand of the man lying in that bed.

“babe I can’t do it anymore. I can’t put a smile on my face and pretend that everything is fine when it isn’t. I need you here with me. I know you’ll be fine, I know it. but Chris, Eddie, damn it, everyone, needs you back, we need you, I need you, and I don’t know how to go on without you here, I don’t know. So i need you to fight for me, for us, fight and win this battle babe, win it for me and don’t leave me, please don’t leave me”

And you couldn’t imagine it, but the other end of the line that connected Buck to this plan was in you. He clung to that, he clung to you, to the thought of having you again, and for that he fought, for you he broke the glass that separated him between dream and reality, between life and death, it was for you that everything was worth it. Because of you he would come back.

And he did it.

You could feel a grip on your hand, it was light, but it was there. your eyes widened and your heart skipped a beat. this couldn’t be a reflex, you couldn’t believe it was. and it really wasn’t, your Buck was coming back, he was reacting.

As if he’d sensed it, Eddie appeared in the room with the coffee he’d gone to grab, at the exactly moment your knees failed, and he held you.

“I-Is he...?”

“Hey hey, calm down”

You couldn’t complete the sentence, and before your friend could question you, you heard a weak cough, it was Buck, he really was there. back to you.

You were holding Buck’s hand as if your life depended on it, and to be honest, it kind of did. you, who had never fallen in love in your life, were completely surrendered to those blue eyes that you had begged to see again.

You didn’t notice the moment Eddie left the room, but when your eyes met Buck’s, you burst into tears. He couldn’t say much, and you didn’t even need or want him to try, he was there, that’s all that mattered at the moment. you had your head resting on your intertwined hands on the bed, and the sobs coming from your lips left the words stuck in your throat and in your mind. Buck slowly and painfully raised his trembling hand, reaching your head and resting his hand there.

He waited until you calmed down, and his chest tightened at the way you looked at him. your lips trembling and your face wet from the tears that kept falling down your cheeks.

“you’re back”

“for you” his voice was weak and hoarse.

“I never thought I could love someone the way I love you, buck. please don’t do it again, I know I can’t take it one more time” your voice was low and trembling.

“I proposed to you, I had to come back to make sure it would happen,” he whispered with that little smile on his lips.

“You idiot, you made me a promise to love me for the rest of my days, I was going to pick you up wherever you were,” you replied in a whisper and placed a light kiss on his lips, afraid of hurting him.

“I love you, and i’m going to keep that promise” he said and you nodded your head.

that intimate moment between you lasted only a few minutes, then the nurses and doctor entered the room to check on Buck and as soon as they allowed his friends to come in, the mess was made. there was laughter and loud conversation, happy hugs and stories about the day of the accident, you could hear “too soon?” too many times in a short period of time and all you could do was laugh.

You could see the happiness in your fiancé’s eyes as everyone gathered around, and you finally felt your heart calm down. he was really there, he came back to you and you could finally live out your vivid dreams together.