#hahahaha gonna stop now

[scottstiles]

the idea that something called "artificial" anything is taking over basically all aspects of functioning society is the best indication of the direction we're headed

[stereax]

woohoo spiraling out of control right now (what else is new really I've been fucked up and spiraling for weeks now) and trying to figure out reasons not to delete my tumblr and discord and myself along the way

but you know. talking about myself on my blog automatically means I'm attention seeking and fishing for pity right? should just shut up and stick to the news eh, it's all I'm good for :D

anyway if you need me I'll be in the corner reliving the past, coming to terms with reality, and trying to convince myself I'm not the problem despite every indication to the contrary ✌︎︎

[dashuisofanubis]

Well I fell down a picrew rabbit hole 😅

If you recognise these kids you may be entitled to a pension

(In order: Dmitri, Heather, Leo, Margot and Kevin!)

[obsidianbaby]

FUCKING BROWNIES

synopsis - you've been good friends with the triplets for the past few years and are visiting them in LA. You and the guys decide you want to bake some brownies but you're missing some key ingredients, Matt and Nick go out to pick them up leaving you and Chris alone.

warnings & notes - dom! chris x reader, oral (fem receiving), choking and a lil bit rough, angst, slight degradation, overstimulation, praise (let me know if I've missed something)

a/n - this is my first time writing smut in fucking yearssssss so pls be kind<3 also tried my best not to use y/n cause i hate that shit okok enjoy mwah

- I also despise writing dialogue so bare with me

____________________________________

"alright be back soon!!" Nick shouts as him and Matt walk down the stairs to the garage door.

Chris and I stand alone in the kitchen now, Chris hovering over the mixing bowl at the counter, his back to me, and me sitting at the table reading the back of the brownie mix box.

"Don't know why you guys decided to buy brownie mix that requires so many ingredients you don't have" I say putting the box down and sighing.

"Dude I think you can wait like 20 minutes for them to get back" Chris says laughing turning around to face me.

"Mmmm yeah but then we have to wait for them to bake so really it's going to be closer to an hour" I say back jokingly looking up at Chris who's now leaning with both hands across the table in front of me.

"Damn a whole hour, are you gonna parish before then?" He says sarcastically squishing my cheeks with his hand. I playfully swat his hand away and stick my tongue out at him.

"Yeah actually I might," I say while pushing my chair out getting ready to stand up, "I might just need a quick taste test..." I say as I stand up to begin my journey to the mixing bowl on the counter. 

Just as I make my way around the table Chris moves to stand in front of me placing his hands on my shoulders to stop me in place.

"Uh uh uh no way I'm letting you stick your grimy little fingers in the brownie mix" he says shaking his head at me.

"Hmm seems like a challenge" I say daringly before darting around the other side of the table towards the mixing bowl. 

"For fucks sake" he says sprinting after me. He pulls my wrist and yanks me towards him just as I stick my fingers into the bowl.

"Hahahaha too late bitch" I say pleased with the chocolate brownie mix spread all over my fingers. He watches me intently as I begin to lick the mix off of my fingers. I close my eyes with delight, "yummmm you should have some" I say as I pick up the bowl and shove it in his direction.

"Yeah okay" he says hesitantly as he dips a couple fingers into the bowl and licks some of the mix off while looking at me. "Mmmm" he walks over to grab some paper towel but I interrupt him.

"Wait what are you doing?"

"Wiping my hands off??" He looks at me puzzled.

"Noooo you can't waist that shit" I say as I grab his wrist and bring his fingers to my mouth. I begin to lick and suck on his fingers, swirling my tongue around them trying to savor every last drop of the brownie mix. Chris stares at me intensely, his pupils dilating with desire as he bites his bottom lip.

After I think I've gotten all the mix off I take out his fingers from my mouth slowly. I look down at the tent growing in his gray sweats in front of me.

"Shit... Sorry" I say smiling shyly as I slowly release my grip on his wrist, knowing that this is crossing the normal boundaries of our friendship.

He looks down at his growing hardness and back into my eyes, licking his lips. "No you're not" 

"Yeah you're right I'm not" I say smirking at up at him. Fuck me it'd be a lie to say I didn't want him to take me right then and there having been attracted to him since we met.

"Hmmm" chris ponders for a second as he looks my body up and down. The wetness my legs starting to soak through my panties.

"What...?" I ask looking at him with a raised brow trying to hide my growing smirk.

"I don't think you got all the mix off so I think you'll have to try again" he says bringing his fingers back up towards my mouth, grazing his thumb over my lips for permission and I gladly part my lips open and he slips his two fingers back in my mouth. 

I stare up at him as he slowly guides his fingers pumping them in and out of my mouth, my tongue swirling around them. He watches me licking his lips in satisfaction. I grab his hand and force his fingers as far as I can down my throat causing me to gag, saliva dripping down my chin.

Chris lets out a groan, "oh fuck" he says as I continue to guide his fingers down my throat, choking on his digits.

I then take them out of my mouth and inspect them "yep they look clean to me, here you are" I say smirking as I push his hand back towards him gently, enjoying the sexual frustration growing in Chris's pants, hoping he takes the bait of my seduction.

"I don't think im done though" he says stepping forward, closing the gap completely between us, his hard cock poking me through his pants. My thighs clentch at the heat growing between my legs.

"Oh?" I say sensually, tilting my head at him.

"Yeah see, you got a taste but I don't think I'm finished with mine yet" he says, firmly grabbing onto my jawline tilting my head to the side exposing my neck.

"But you haven't got anymore brownie mix to-" I begin but I gasp mid sentence as Chris's lips attach to my neck, kissing my sensitive skin. He picks me up by the waist and places me on the counter top, his legs spreading mine open for him to stand in-between.

With his hands firmly holding onto my waist he continues to kiss down my neck and across my collar bone before lifting his head up at me smiling cheekily. I grab his face with my two hands guiding his lips to mine needing to know what it feels like to kiss him.

We start moving our lips together at a lightning pace, his tongue grazing over mine asking to be let in and I immediately grant him access, our tongues fighting for dominance.

I stop the kiss by biting and sucking on his bottom lip which causes him to let out a husky moan. I smile with satisfaction at this, which causes Chris to shake his head as he places his hand around my neck squeezing firmly, causing me to let out a moan. 

He then smiles with pride from my escaped moan and I roll my eyes at him. He uses his grip on my neck to push my head back a little forcefully against the cabinet and I moan again. 

"Hmm didn't think you were the type to like it rough" he says smirking devilishly at me, his eyes almost black with desire.

The arousal dripping through my panties has me needing to clentch my thighs together but they're being held open by his waist. He instantly looks down at my legs tightening around his waist and he places another quick sloppy kiss to my lips before moving his hands onto my bare thighs, slowly guiding his hands further and further up and under my shorts until they sit resting at my pantie line, his fingers trailing teasingly under the hem. He looks up at me for permission and I nod instantly at him. 

With this he slips one of his hands under my panties and runs a finger up and down my slick, swirling his fingers in my wetness, his other hand gripping tightly around my thigh and I gasp.

Staring hungrily into my eyes, he lifts his hand from my thigh to my neck and roughly choke slams my head against the cabinets as he plunges two fingers into my hole and begins to pump them. My body jolts from the sudden tightness in my core and a few moans escape my mouth, "Oh fuck chris" 

"Fuck you're so wet already, sucking my fingers really got you off huh? Fucking slut" he spits as he curls his fingers up hitting my sweet spot with every pump, his other hand wrapped around my neck.

My legs start to shake and my breathing intensifies, the knot that's been building dramatically since I sucked on his fingers moments ago aching in my stomach begging to be released.

"Fuck chris I'm getting close i" at those words he retracts his fingers from my cunt and brings them to his mouth, his one hand still gripping my neck as he stares at me while slowly licking my arousal until his fingers are clean.

 My walls ache from the emptiness craving the need to tighten around something. "Fuck chris please" I beg trying to grab his hand to guide it back to my slick where I need him but he swats my hand away.

"You taste so fucking good" he says with a devilish smile, pushing my head back against the cabinets.

"Fuck chris please continue I was so close" I whine through suppressed breathes, pulling a face at him and he just smiles at my neediness.

"I don't think this was enough to satisfy me though" he says as he waves his two fingers that he just licked clean in front of my face before releasing the hold on my neck and gripping my thighs with his hands.  He aggressively digs his hands into my thighs and pulls me to the edge of the counter. He kneels down in front of me placing my legs over his shoulders and I bite my lip in anticipation.

He kisses the inside of my thighs teasingly, slowly moving his soft lips closer to my clothed heat. He places a gentle kiss over my clothed wetness before shifting my panties to the side exposing my cunt to the cool kitchen air causing me to gasp. He stares up at me as he licks a line from my hole up to my clit before pressing a soft kiss to it. 

"Fuck chris please" I beg, bucking my hips up to try and create friction against his face but he holds my legs firmly in place.

"Please what? Use your words sweetheart" 

"Fuck please Chris I need you I need your mouth on me"

"Good girl" he smirks as he places his lips around my clit and begins to suck. He snakes his hand around my leg and puts his fingers in me, curling them up into my spongy walls.

I instinctively buck my hips against his face starting to grind against his fingers inside me and he lets out a gutteral moan causing his mouth to vibrate around my throbbing clit sending waves of pleasure throughout my body.

He removes his fingers and replaces them with his tongue and starts to draw tight circles around my clit with his thumb and I moan, gripping his hair to help guide his tongue further inside me.

"Fuck you're so fucking good for me" he says against my slick before diving his tongue back inside. 

The knot in my stomach snaps and my legs shake around his shoulders as he continues to tongue fuck me through my high. He retracts his tongue from my slick once my walls stop convulsing around his tongue and he wipes my waves of arousal off his face on his hoodie sleeve. 

He helps me move my legs from his shoulders and he stands up bringing his lips back to mine once again so I can taste the mess I made all over his tongue. 

Our lips moving against each other instinctively, tongues swirling around, teeth clashing. And he continues to rub my clit gently with his thumb, the overstimulation burning causing me to moan loudly in his mouth.

"Fuck chris too much" I say between moans as I try to continue to kiss him through the pressure that starts to rebuild in my stomach.

But the moment gets interrupted by the sound of the garage door shutting downstairs. We both look at each other eyes wide in shock.

"Fuck" we both say in unison as I stumble off of the counter and Chris tucks his rock hard dick up in the waistband of his sweats. 

We both eradically pace around the kitchen trying to find something to do that looks normal as Matt and nicks voices get closer and closer by the second. 

I quickly hop into the chair I was sitting in when they left fixing my underwear and shorts as best I can and Chris stands awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen trying to shake out his messed up hair as Nick and Matt turn the corner and continue their walk into the kitchen.

Matt places the grocery bags on the counter and him and Nick continue their conversation, oblivious to the sexual tension flooding the air.

Suddenly they stop and hesitate as they both shoot questioning glances between me and Chris. 

"Everything okay in here?" Matt asks looking directly at me as he starts to unload the items from the grocery bag onto the counter.

"Yeah what's with the awkward silence, usually you two don't ever shut the fuck up." Nick adds as he picks up the brownie box to double check the instructions before heating up the oven.

Chris and I look at each other and smile in unison, our ridiculous laughs breaking the awkward tension.

"Yeah yeah we're good" Chris says patting Nick on the back.

I stand up to help Matt with the missing brownie ingredients, "yeah it's all good guys let's make some fucking brownies" I say picking up the eggs.

MATT'S POV 

Nick and I park in the garage and as I'm grabbing the bags from the back seat I can hear muffled moans coming from inside. I snap my attention to Nick standing in front of the car to see if he heard what I did but he's still yapping about the sweet cashier from cvs who checked us out. 

Nick opens the door and I make a note to close it as hard as I can so they know we've made it back home, hopefully interrupting whatever it is they've gotten up to while we've been gone. 

Nick shoots me a questioning look, "okay calm down what did the door do to you?" He jokes poking at my clear annoyance which for nicks sake, doesn't know the direct source, that being Chris hooking up with our best friend.

We make our way up the stairs and as soon as we turn the corner into the kitchen the smell of her arousal fills my nose and I inhale deeply trying to take it what I can, my mouth beginning to water.

I place the bags gently on the counter and start to unload the items trying hard to focus on my conversation with Nick and not the annoying smirk that paints Chris's face, the glow of her arousal still shimmering over his lips. Fuck.

Nick sensing my annoyance and the awkward silence between my brother and best friend, stops mid sentence and shoots me a questioning glare which I return with my own glare and shrug my shoulders, turning my attention to my best friend sitting awkwardly at the table. 

"Everything okay in here?" I ask staring intensely into her eyes as I continue to empty the items from the bags. She looks back at me and her cheeks instantly flush before breaking our stare and looking towards Chris. 

Nick adds, "Yeah what's with the awkward silence, usually you two don't ever shut the fuck up." I chuckle to myself as I watch him turn the oven on. 

I noticed her and Chris exchange a knowing glance before they burst out laughing. I grit my teeth at their reaction, Chris annoyingly saying "yeah yeah we're good" patting Nick on the back and thankfully it's Nick who stands closer to him cause i would have swung on him right then and there for sticking his face between the legs of my girl.

She gets up and walks over to me a smile planted on her perfect and fucked out face. She stands beside me the heat of her body pressing against my side as she helps me gather the ingredients.

"Yeah it's all good guys let's make some fucking brownies" she says as she picks up the egg carton. I let out a heavy sigh and she shoots me a quick side glance with a raised brow. I decide to suffocate my jealousy with a hard swallow and smile back at her.

As we start mixing the missing ingredients in all I can think about is how much I regret wanting these fucking brownies.

a/n - let me know what ya guys thinkkkkkk <3

updated a/n - part 2 posted below MWAH xx

[meowanian]

──★ TOP 5 moments of scaramouche falling in love with y/n .ᐟ

kpop idol!scaramouche x female kpop idol!reader

summary: one of the most popular idol of all time, scaramouche, falling in love with a rookie.

genre: fluff, kpop au

warnings: other than one (1) hate comment, there’s none

artist @ 01rinette on twitter.

──★ 5

where you and his group attended a reality show and they made you two wear cat ears that responds to the heartbeats through movements.

“scara, pick a name from this box,” one of the hosts said as he landed a box with names to scaramouche. everyone were laughing at his face while he was nervously picking a name.

“uhh…y/n?” he read the name out loud and looked around. he didn’t know who you were until you got up and go to the centre of the studio while your members were cheering on you.

it was the first time he ever heard of you. must be a rookie or something, he thought. he looked up to you and felt a lightning strike in his heart. you were so…pretty.

“now, wear this ears,” other host got two cat eared machines and gave it to you.

“what are we gonna do with this tho?” he asked with a genuine curiosity.

“it’s a machine that can feel your heartbeat and responds to them. when your heartbeats go up, they will wiggle.” host said and the other one continued.

“you will wear them and try to make others’ wiggle, and if it moves you will lose the game,”

scara rolled his eyes. he just knew he would never lose a game like this. he is the most cold blooded person ever after all. at least that’s what he thought…

you two wore them and sit facing each other on the floor.

“i think they are closed, please press the button at the side of the ears,” host said and showed the button, you both pressed it and turn on the machine.

and scara’s ears started to wiggle immediately after turning it on.

“what the-” scara said while trying to stop them. everyone were laughing at his reaction, even the staff members.

“it didn’t even start and you are already so nervous, HAHA!” venti said as ha laughed his ass off. scara was blushing furiously while trying to calm down.

after a while the ears stopped wiggling.

“okay- pfft! okay, okay, sorry,” the host was trying so hard not to laugh but he quickly stopped after seeing scara’s deadly eyes on himself. “okay, now you can start.”

host got the cardboard between your faces and your eyes met.

and scara’s ears started to wiggle…AGAIN.

“HAHAHAHA!” his members, especially venti and heizou were on the floor, laughing like crazy to their teammates face.

[+12765, -127] scaraspinky: HE WAS SO FLUSTERED IT’S FUNNY HELP😭

[+4367, -189] user272616: i think someone is in love👀

[+12, -3412] scaraswife: I think the machine was broken, she is not that pretty anyway 😂

[+34670, -34] yn.png: she looks so cute with the ears😭 no wonder why he got so excited LMAOO

──★ 4

it was your first time as a mc and he was one of the guests…the plot twist is, it was valentine’s day special and he was jealous of your mc partner.

“hmmm, y/n, what do you think today is?” he asked you while acting all innocent.

“I don’t know, ajax. what is it?” you asked with fake curiosity.

“it’s…VALENTINES DAY!” he loudly shouted at the mic and threw his arm around your shoulders. “and ms. y/n, it’s for you!” he said and grabbed a bouquet from behind the set.

“oh!” you reached for the red rose bouquet in his hands, you were actually surprised because you didn’t know he was gonna do this.

“they are so pretty ajax, thank you so much!” you said while smelling the roses and smiling like a fool. he smiled to you as well and when you were not looking, he gave a little wink to scaramouche who was one of the guests.

and scaramouche was…not happy.

[+13457, -129] harbingerajax: awww they actually look so cute together!!

[+34685, -99] ynloops: here’s the video of her smiling😭 *video*

— ynstar: why is this 10 hours long?

— ynarchive: no but literally I can’t get out of it😭

[+12768, -341] scararchive: here’s a video of scara rolling his eyes *video*

— user8272: HE LOOKS ANNOYED HDHWBJSH

──★ 3

when you covered his rap part at the radio show.

“y/n, is there any songs you are listening to these days?” the radio host asked you.

“uhmm, actually i am listening to 5REEZE’s new album these days, I really love it!” you said to the mic and your members confirmed the information.

“yeah, she always listens to it with a speaker in the dorm and sings to it!”

“ohhh, can you sing it for us too?” the host asked.

“of course, I would be happy to!” you said and rapped to his part.

“wooow!” everyone wowed and clapped your performance, you smiled shyly.

[+1239, -27] 5reezefan: it was actually so cool!

[+3258, -226] scarami: we need a collab tbh

[+77544, 1308] scaraloops: imagine his face when he saw this😭 i mean he would get a nose bleed while watching it

[+55432, -2356] ynloops: so i added background music… *video*

— ynarchive: she ate and left no crumbs

— scaraloops: I’m her fan now…😳

──★ 2

he was doing a live and he opened his frequently used playlist for some ambience.

“i will play some music,” scara said and grabbed his phone while chewing on his fried chicken.

he carefully selected a song and played it. few minutes later while he was answering some comments, the song ended and an another one started to play…

and it was your song…SOLO song.

his eyes widened and he quickly turned it off and played a random one, acting like nothing happened while comments were going wild.

and few minutes later the song ended and another song started to play…

it was one of your covers…A SOLO ONE.

he choked on his food while trying to turn it off but he was so nervous that he accidentally dropped the phone and while trying to get it he banged his head to the desk and spilled the coke on himself.

it was one if the most viral moments in kpop because it was so funny and unforgettable.

[+87645, -3] scaraloops: i will post this video EVERY FUCKING DAY on my account *video*

[+34557, -125] scararchice: IT’S SO EMBARRASSING HELP

[+67456, -88] bbygism: my mom showed me this and said isn’t this the boy you liked…like mom pls I’m gonna cry-

──★ 1

when you cried while receiving an award.

“and the rookie of the year goes to…your groups name!”

your shocked faces was on the big screen, people were clapping and screaming your groups name loudly.

you and your members slowly went to the stage to receive the trophy.

you started to give your speech to the world, thanking your fans, members and your company for making your dreams real. a few tears fell down from your eyes and shined through screen.

one of the screens showed other idols and then scaramouche, looking at you with watery eyes.

the whole place went silent for a moment and then everyone started to scream and cheer, the attenders swear that it was the loudest thing they ever heard.

it was the first time that people saw him cry, even his friends and members.

and also it was the first time that he showed his feelings without getting embarrassed.

[+125067, -1267] scaraloops: I actually cried so hard

[+200458, -446] scararchive: it is the first we ever saw him crying and it’s because she was crying😭 I’m speechless if this isn’t love then i don’t know anything

[+22678, -8] foryn: we know how much you worked, how much you cried and how much you got overwhelmed by all the things. but we also know how you NEVER gave up. i love you <3

[+222307, -120] ynloops: i want to say that you worked so hard for your dreams and for us. you are the reason why i still keep going and not giving up. you changed my whole life with your smile and for me, you deserve every award on the world. i love you, we love you and i think scara loves you too😭

[+12367, -225] multistan: DESERVED.

[+1786456, -12456] dispatch: 👀

— scaraloops: HOLD UP-

— ynloops: WAIT A MINUTE-

— user2827: i ship you two tbh

[+18722661176, -0] meowanian: y/n, you deserve the world.

[sinning-23]

SIT, LIKE A CHAIR

Opla face sitting/p*ssy eating headcanons

Warnings: dude the title is warming enough lol. ITS 18+ BRO

Zoro

-Fuck around and hover if you want to. He’s already got his arms around your thighs, forcing you to sit.

-He’s got some kind of sorcery or some shit with his tongue cause what the fuck.

-oh you thought he was stopping after you came once? Hahahaha that’s so funny.

-makes sure you are shaking and fucking shivering when he’s done with you

-Will make sure you know how much he loves the way you taste.

-“That’s it honey, cum on my face.”

Usopp

-unfortunately doesn’t know what the FUCK he’s doing when he eats but is very very fucking skilled with his fingers.

-we all know this man’s nose is 5 mf stars and would be nice to sit on and he knows this fact.

-on the occasion that he asks you to sit on his face he’s putting everything to work, using one hand to simultaneously spread your cheeks and keep your things flush against him.

-the other is already coaxing another orgasm out of you while his tongue circle slow around your clit.

-doesn’t talk when his mouth is full, he’s got manners lol

On the rare occasion he does speak it’s often after all is said and done

-“now you can brag about being eaten out by a legendary captain”

Sanji

-oh he eats religiously. Like is that even a question?

-he gets really fucking sloppy too. He’s got your juices and his saliva down his chin and all over your thighs.

-sometimes it feels like the eating is more for him than you (sometimes it is lol)

-expect lots of worship when he’s positioned under you. He prefers to eat when you’re sitting on the edge of the counter or table and he’s kneeling down in front with your legs over his shoulders.

-“I’ve never tasted anything as divine as you. Tout va bien pour moi”

-Has definitely cum from eating you out alone

Nami

-Oh she’s fucking ruthless. I mean just so mean when she eats.

-She likes to draw loving circles on your thighs and then offset that sweetness with a pinch.

-She’ll make it seem like she’ll be nice and let you cum, only to stop completely, eyes laser focused on that adorable little frustrated knot between your brows.

-Is a bit of a shit talker honestly and between how well she works her fingers inside you, how good her tongue feels on your clit, and each teasing comment she throws your way, you’re left spiraling.

-“Ohhh how cute. You gonna cum on my face just like that? You can hold on a little longer can’t you honey?”

Shanks

-If you look closely you can see that his facial hair is slightly bleached.

-We know the fuck why.

-He makes sure you know just how much he loves your pussy when he eats. I mean yes he’s slow and damn near torturous with how he asked you be patient and wait but it’s so worth it.

-He kisses up your thigh, then over the top of your panties. Then will suck and lick over the fabric until it’s soaked.

-Once that’s done, he takes em off with his teeth and licks one long, slow stripe up before deciding to suck on your clit for just a second. Soon after he’s pulling your closer by your thighs and eating you for all your worth.

-He will not talk, well…only if it’s to get you to sit still, his eyes peering dangerously into yours.

- “Don’t. Move.” (its pretty mf hot)

-holds your hand when you finally cum on his tongue.

Buggy

-He the best eater I know- he gets down. He don’t play

-if eating was a sport he’d be the champion.

-Teats your pussy like a meal(because it is in his eyes) and makes sure nothing is left behind besides your own slick, his saliva, and your trembling thighs.

He really gets into it too. I mean he’s moaning against your folds, slurping and drooling.

-This mf is a multitasker. His hands are definitely detached and holding the back of your knees to keep you from closing your legs. and he is working yet another orgasm out of you.

-He's a talker btw so expect lots of witty and raunchy comments while you're practically convulsing from overstimulation.

-"No one makes you feel like how I do huh princess?"

-"That's it honey scream my name."

-“I could eat you forever.” He whines with his mouth full of you

Mihawk

-He's not likely to eat as much. He doesn't dislike it but would rather give to you in other ways. However, despite this little thing about himself, he makes sure it's for a reason when he eats.

-For example, had a bad day? There's a remedy for that, come sit.

-Feeling a bit insecure and self-conscious? Let him show just how amazing you really are.

-Expect to feel a lot of vibrations with how much he growls and moans into your cunt.

-Not too much of a talker but when he does it makes not only your pussy throb but your heart melt.

-"Look at yourself. So beautiful my love." (there's a mirror on the ceiling)

-He isn't afraid to kiss you when he's done either. Wants you to know just how good you taste and that every time he has the privilege of having you sit on his face its like heaven (his words more or less).

[chrisevansonly]

𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨’𝐬 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥? | 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐬

✯social media au

✯lando norris x female reader

✯you love your bf, so much so that everyone knows you as lando’s girl or are you….

✯not requested, i wanted to get something out today though, im not really feeling like myself and really struggling w my mental health again, so bare with me while i try and get things going again, i’m sorry i’m advance<3

y/ninstagram

liked by landonorris, vogue, alexandrasaintmleux and 674,000 others

lando won’t pick up my call so i did a photoshoot instead 😁

see 65,000 comments

username she is everything to me

username y/n looking stunning as USUAL

alexandrasaintmleux the most beautiful😍

>y/ninstagram can’t wait to see you this weekend gorgeous ❤️

landonorris I LITERALLY ANSWERED WDYM😭

landonorris i’ll stop answering more calls so i get new pics of you though 🤤

>y/ninstagram pls don’t i miss you too much🥹

liked by landonorris

danielricciardo he literally paused our game to answer your call, i hope you’re happy

>y/ninstagram oh extremely 😁

username how norizz bagged her? i’ll never understand

landonorris

liked by maxfewtrell, y/ninstagram, wagsoff1 and 789,000 others

fyi i did answer her call and now we’re out on our weekly date, stop harassing me on twitter 😑

tagged y/ninstagram

see 78,000 comments

username 💀💀💀

username his ass got blasted on twt it was so funny

y/ninstagram i love you lan!!!!! 🥰

y/ninstagram not sorry for my loyal fans holding you accountable 😁

>landonorris you’re so lucky i love you 😃😃

username HAHAHAHA

maxfewtrell way to girlboss y/n

>y/ninstagram why thank you max 😌

username please these comments r gonna get wild😭

y/ninstagram

liked by mclaren, landonorris, lilyhme and 876,000 others

it’s dutch gp weekend and i’m just here to wish my very animated and emotional boyfriend good luck. i love that i never know what version of you i’m getting going into a new day, can’t decide which is my favourite but grumpy lando (slide 1) and romeo lando (slide 2) might just be the top 2 favourites, good luck baby!😘

tagged landonorris

see 89,000 comments

username WHY IS THIS SENDING ME

username romeo lando😭

username lando cannot catch a break

landonorris hmm don’t know how i feel abt this caption…

landonorris i love you though, thank u for being my good luck charm🩷

>y/ninstagram i love you more!!!

maxfewtrell personally i like lando when he has 0 going on in his brain 😁

>danielricciardo so 24/7 lando?

>landonorris OKAY THATS ENOUGH

y/ninstagram added to their story!

*comments disabled*

landonorris added to their story!

*comments disabled*

y/ninstagram

liked by alexandrasaintmleux, landonorris, charles_leclerc and 997,000 others

when our boys are away, the girls come out to play ❤️‍🔥

tagged alexandrasaintmleux

see 101,000 comments

username okay but these two together?!

username charles and lando better keep one eye open

charles_leclerc okay but can you come back now? i’d like to hang out with my gf :)

>alexandrasaintmleux we are a packaged deal char

>landonorris hmm i don’t think so

>y/ninstagram yes we are😁

username QUEENS

alexandrasaintmleux my girl😘

>y/ninstagram 🩷🩷

username idk if i wanna be y/n, alex, charles or lando😵‍💫

y/ninstagram added to their story!

*comments disabled*

landonorris

liked by y/ninstagram, danielricciardo, quadrant and 889,000 others

just so we’re clear, she’s mine😁

tagged y/ninstagram

see 99,000 comments

username lmfao lando doesn’t wanna share w alexandra🤣

username pls we all know she’s yours 💀

alexandrasaintmleux i feel like i’m being attacked???

>y/ninstagram i wouldn’t let that happen baby🫡

danielricciardo TRUST ME MATE WE KNOW

>landonorris good, don’t get it twisted 😁

y/ninstagram i’m all yours baby 😘

>y/ninstagram except when alex calls🥰

>landonorris EXCUSE ME!!!!

username so lando’s girl or alex’s girl….?🤔

y/ninstagram

liked by landonorris, cosmopolitan, wagsoff1 and 1M others

lando’s girl.❤️

tagged landonorris

see 104,000 comments

username oh i’m crying now

username HOT TAMALE

username my favs

landonorris my girl❤️❤️❤️

>y/ninstagram forever and always baby🥰

alexandrasaintmleux it’s okay, i know who’s girl you are behind closed doors

>y/ninstagram 😉😉😉

>charles_leclerc 😦

>landonorris😧

username HAHAHAH CHARLES AND LANDO😭

mclaren ahh now this is the entertainment we asked for🤣

liked by landonorris and y/ninstagram

alexandrasaintmleux added to their story!

landonorris THIS ISNT OVER!!!

>alexandrasaintmleux YES IT IS!

charles_leclerc mon dieu

>alexandrasaintmleux je t’aime tellement charlie😘

y/ninstagram love you baby!!!❤️‍🔥

>alexandrasaintmleux love you more babe❤️‍🔥

[nicolegmattos]

My Christian best friend reacts to Good Omens (part 1):

Them: *after Crowley talked about God putting the tree in the middle of the garden* I agree. If you didn’t want them to eat it, WHY PUT THE FUCKING TREE THERE?! IT MAKES NO SENSE!

Me: God, the first to tempt humanity and nobody even noticed.

Them: The Angel GAVE A FLAMING SWORD AWAY?!?!

*crying* The Angel is protecting the Demon from the rain. That’s the kind of friendship I want.

Me: I don’t even want to imagine how you’ll react from now on if you’re already like this with Eden.

Them: *sarcastically mimicking Gabriel* I don’t sully the temple of my celestial body with gross matter. Do me a favor, Angel Gabriel? Shut. Your. Mouth.

Me: Oh, yes. Hating Gabriel during the first season. I miss that.

Them: MAN, THE NUNS HAHAHAHA.

All that work with the babies and IN THE END THEY DIDN’T DO IT RIGHT.

They drank uninterruptedly for six hours… My God.

*seeing them talk about Armageddon* Now I’m sad. I didn’t think about that. All the creatures… The dolphins and whales are gonna die.

Me: Yeah. Crowley is the cutest demon. He’s more worried about the creatures’ extinction than the humans’ one lol. I can relate.

Them: *Seeing Crowley and Aziraphale talk about stopping the Armageddon* They’re doing this undercover. But… doesn’t God already know? I mean… she’s seeing all this, right?

Me: Yeah! That’s what makes it funny! Lol.

[matrixbearer2024]

Idea for your "get off my screen" series! So what if the reader is like visiting someone/housesitting for someone and they have a radio that reader is listening to because she loves it, and they (of course) bring their phone and laptop to stay talking to vox, and when they connect him to the TV in the living room and the first thing he sees is the radio and he's like "get that thing the fuck away from you" and the readers like "um, no? I love it. I was thinking about getting one for my room" and he's like "absolutely not"

Get That Shit Off My Screen!

A/N: Oh this is fucking golden, I absolutely need to write this to displace the absolute angsty unit of an interlude I wrote hahahaha- I'll be finishing the requested interludes before I continue with the story. I ended up posting the continuation so y'all could already get down to brainstorming and scheming on lore ideas XD

A/N: Vox is kind of a pissy little rat here and we just annoy him a bunch more too lololol Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy the story and as always- Happy Reading!

You have seriously got to stop accepting favors from friends.

Because that was how you found yourself walking down the sidewalk on the way to go housesitting.

Just a week ago you'd had to impromptu take care of a little puppy.

And consequently placate a certain jealous TV demon-

And now you were asked to carry another favor as well.

Well, more like that friend practically begged you to accept.

You slightly readjusted the backpack you wore, it wasn't as light as hoped when you left your home.

Which, makes sense all things considered.

After all, it had your devices in there along with the necessities.

If you had to end up bored today you were going to rope in a certain annoying overlord just to avoid it.

Fumbling with the keys a bit, you opened the door to the house and entered before locking it behind you.

A habit you'd grown up with after your parents constantly reminded you to do so.

The home was... pretty big, especially compared to the place you were currently living in.

Tossing your bag onto the living room couch, you explored the rest of the home for a bit before returning.

"Gonna be housesitting today, mind if I connect you to the TV?"

When he simply replied with a thumbs up emoji, you figured he wasn't doing anything and just connected your laptop to the living room television again.

He didn't appear right away though, so you decided to look around the home once more.

It was filled with a lot of old stuff, reminiscent of a time gone by.

Which, kind of makes sense since it was the house of your friend's grandma that you were watching over for the day.

Ooooh- what's this thing?

"Hey doll sorry I'm late, got a bit delayed from a meeting and- GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM THAT!"

You jumped at suddenly hearing Vox's words from the TV, when did he even get here?!

You had half a mind to yell at him for scaring you but you were far too curious about this old boxy object you found.

"Whaaa??? Why? What even is this?"

You asked while messing with the knobs, you doubted it even worked when it randomly started to play a song.

Oh.

OH.

So that's why he was so pissed.

And so you decided to troll with your digital companion as he often did to you.

"Woaaah, I've never seen one of these old radios before-"

"I'm surprised that one still works, it's an obsolete piece of fucking junk!"

Vox didn't really have time to scan the new surroundings when he'd connected to your devices and consequently the TV.

It didn't help either that the first thing he noticed was that you hunched over messing with something.

Only for him to find out moments later that it was a fucking radio.

The same old shit he'd been busy trying to wipe off the face of hell ever since his rival's return.

And the fact you were starting to get interested in it made his blood boil.

You held back a snicker seeing Vox just angrily glare at the old relic as it continued to play tunes.

You were aware of his entire vendetta against Alastor-

Or well, with as much as he'd tell you when he ranted.

But the fact something so simple as just a reminder set him off?

"Well I think it's niche, maybe I should get one of these for my room-"

"NO- zzZzzZsT THE FU- zZzST -CK YO- ZzZZsT -U AREN'T!"

You couldn't hold the laughs back this time, doubling over when Vox started buffering and yelling about how stupid and old the radio was.

He didn't even seem to notice that you were just pulling his leg.

Something this old wouldn't fit into your home, besides-

You had a new Bluetooth speaker with loads better audio quality.

This old thing was just a nice reminder of times long ago.

Times you didn't even live in.

"Finnneeeee, fine fine you pissbaby. I won't get one. Still think it's pretty funky though."

You said as you plopped down on the couch, noticing Vox's face was still glitching and fizzing on the TV screen.

He wasn't even looking at you and instead was glaring off to the side.

Was he that upset about the radio?

Really??

"Dude, you know as much as I do how ancient that stuff is. If I did end up getting one it would be because someone dumped it on me. I like looking at the past but not collecting relics."

Vox still didn't react and you raised an eyebrow.

Silent treatment huh?

Okay, you could play his game.

"Anyway, I was looking up stuff from around the decade you told me you died."

He finally looked back to you with a raised eyebrow.

Bingo.

"And I ended up finding this serial murder case that's still unsolved to this day."

Vox only furrowed his eyebrows, he wasn't in hell for murder.

As far as he was concerned, it was probably because he was a lying and cheating businessman.

As you continued to talk more about the details of the case, it started to paint a more familiar picture.

And as entertaining as it was to watch you discuss with him something interesting you found-

Vox was not fond of you talking about Alastor so avidly.

Geez, if only you'd look that cute talking about him like that.

What-

What?

That was probably the envy talking.

"Doll, I know you were probably trying to cheer me up but I'm kind of certain that's one of Alastor's cases."

"Huh? Why do you say that?"

"The old fuck's a cannibal. I knew for sure it was him when you mentioned the bodies were found cut up like a butchered pig."

At least Vox was talking to you again, even if he still looked more than peeved it was about his rival.

He actually looked more grumpy and pouty in your opinion-

But that was probably because you weren't seeing right.

"Well, why did you end up in hell then? I would've thought you'd be in for something just as horrible to be as powerful as you say you are."

Vox just sighed, he wasn't actually sure what got him dammed for eternity.

But he did a lot of bad things over the course of his life, so it was probably the accumulation of it all that had sent him into the inferno.

"What makes you ask dollface? Curious much?"

You just shrugged, shifting to lie down on the couch and just look up at the antique chandelier hanging above on the ceiling.

"Dunno, I just want to know more about you. I mean, I know enough- but I want to know more."

Vox could feel his screen heating up slightly in his chair.

Why did you have to be so damn cute-

The fact you wanted to know more about him, it made him feel... odd-

Well, a good odd.

He didn't really know what to do with himself.

"I'm not actually sure. I've been a businessman my whole life, probably the worst of the worst when it comes to principles but I haven't directly ever killed anyone if that's what you're guessing."

"Huh, makes me wonder if I'll end up in hell for the stunts I've pulled on other students too."

"The hacking? Or the blackmailing? Because I doubt either of those would actually send you down here."

"Oh come onnnn, I swear at this point I'll actually kill someone so I can guarantee I'd meet you."

You raised an eyebrow at the screen turning pink again.

Pfft, did he seriously get embarrassed by that?

A smile worked onto your face when Vox softly excused himself and disconnected from the TV.

Ha, cute.

[pedrithink]

hate to love me ✩ jude bellingham

request: gf that gets hated on for being jude’s gf and he defends her

face claim: ester exposito

judebellingham

Liked by jobebellingham, vinijr, and 3.930.772 others

judebellingham recharging with them! 🫶🏽

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user1 jude posting picture of yn what a miracle lol she must have forced him

user2 does jude really need to take yn everywhere? what an insufferable girl

user3 jude wake up and dump this woman

user4 @user3 why do you hate the girl so much? poor thing! she never did anything wrong.

user5 you guys giving reason to hate yn is crazy, the girl never did anything wrong and only gets hate because she dates jude.

ynusername has added to their story

ynusername

Liked by judebellingham, jobebellingham, and 322.762 others

ynusername summer summering

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judebellingham u are so fine 😫

ynusername @judebellingham i love you

user6 of course you need to post a picture of him to get likes 🥱

user7 @user6 HES HER BOYFRIEND!!!!!!! stop being so fucking annoying

user8 @user6 spill

user9 the fame seeker

user10 @user9 hahahaha imagine being upset that jude, who will never acknowledge your existence, has his own love life that will never involved u

user11 its gonna be soooo fun when jude and yn eventually break up

ynusername

Liked by judebellingham, trentarnold66, and 443.872 others

ynusername parisssss

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judebellingham my one and only <3

ynusername @judebellingham 🤍🤍🤍🫶🏻

user12 jude looks so annoyed

user13 the difference between the body language tho

user14 they look distant and cold with each other

user15 @user14 jealousy isn’t cute babe

user16 @user14 you got all that from a pic? 😅

user17 people should leave her alone, she looks so sweet and kind 😭

NOW PLAYING: Jude’s Bellingham Interview in Marbella

judebellingham

Liked by ynusername, declanrice, and 3.028.827 others

judebellingham i can't put into words how much you mean to me. i am my best version when you are by my side, thank you for traveling, i don't know how many thousand miles, for me and for loving me for who i am. i love you. 🫶🏽

View all 10.273 comments

ynusername cannot live without you!!!!!!!!! iiiii loveeeee youuuuu, my home 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

judebellingham @ynusername 🥹

jobebellingham w couple, love you guys!

masonmount yn is the sweetest one, proud of y’all 🤍

user18 i love you guys so so much

user19 now i need an actual photo of them together

user20 she is so beautiful

[buckets-and-trees]

Mob Bucky walking into the kitchen and picking you up to carry you out to the bedroom when you spent whole day cooking. You argue that you still need to bake two pies and make a salad, or something, but Bucky doesn't care.

"You spent the past two days on your feet. Now you're gonna spend the next twenty four hours on your back. Maybe on hands and knees, if I feel like it."

Hahahaha! Because we WOULD. But it's our chef heart!

Fandom: MCU Collection: Devour Title: CUSTARD Characters/Pairings: Mob Boss!Bucky x female!Chef!Reader Word Count: 687

Content Warnings: referenced smut (vaginal penetration/fucking, oral: female receiving), mob boss Bucky

Logistical Notes: Takes place after the series (shh, I know I'm still working on the final chapter). Prompt from the ask in bold italics, and notching a Naughty prompt from @the-slumberparty's Naughty or Nice challenge in plain bold.

↠ Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest

James was calling your name, but you didn’t hear him until he was in the kitchen with you.

“What the hell are you doing?”

You didn’t register the dangerous chill in his tone either, too busy skimming your fingers back over the recipe you were studying, frowning back at the mixture in the metal bowl whipping up in front of you.

“Mmm,” you hummed, completely focused on your work, “will you taste this?” You reached for one of the small spoons in a jar on the counter, dipped it into the bowl, and held it out for your mob boss.

He crossed the kitchen and was at your side in an instant. You only looked his way briefly enough to thrust the spoon into his mouth just as he opened it to speak again. You reached for another spoon to taste the custard’s current status for yourself.

“It definitely needs the nutmeg,” you murmured, wondering why the recipe you were referencing didn’t have any listed.

“You definitely need to be out of this kitchen!” James ordered.

You whipped your head back to glare at him. “I promised I would bring pie to the brunch, James.”

“And you’ve already made one.”

“But I didn’t make that pie for the brunch! It’s the backup pecan pie, and everyone deserves to have pie that was intended for the brunch. Pecan pie is not a proper brunch pie,” you argued. “I really should make a fruit pie to go along with this buttermilk pie, too,” you added for yourself, tone dropping back to your concentrated cooking tone.

“No! I forbid it!”

“You forbid it?”

“Yes, I forbid it! Against my better judgement, I tolerated you cooking the holiday meal with our families, but you spent the past two days on your feet when you’re supposed to be off, chef.”

He pulled the spoon out of your right hand and the spatula out of your left, flung them onto the counter, and flung you over his shoulder.

“James Buchanan Barnes!”

He didn’t speak as he walked you out of the kitchen and down the hallway. You squirmed a bit – knowing with all his strength there was no way he would let you fall, but also wanting to protest over being dragged away from your task.

He tossed you unceremoniously onto the bed and was on you immediately.

His large frame trapped you beneath him, though you tried to squirm away. He took each of your hands and pinned them in one of his above your head, while his other hand grabbed your jaw and angled your face for him to perfectly capture your lips in a kiss. He forced his tongue against yours, and immediately you could taste the sweetness of the custard still lingering in his mouth. He kissed you until you stopped struggling, softening beneath him. He released your hands, and you wound one around his neck and the other through his hair. His free hand didn’t stay free for even a second before it was palming your breast through your shirt, and you moaned.

Finally, he broke of the kiss, but only moving his head back a fraction of an inch.

“Damn you,” you breathed against his lips, but you knew from the look in his eyes that he knew he’d demanded and earned your utter and complete surrender.

“You’re going to spend the next twenty-four hours on your back,” he said. He pressed a kiss to the corner of your mouth, then drew the heat along your jaw and down your neck. The desire in your core was fully ablaze, and you could feel how wet you were already growing between your thighs.

He nipped at your collarbone, and you gasped.

“Maybe on hands and knees if I feel like it,” he added as he ripped the front of your shirt open.

The audacity of this man! you thought while you could still think.

An audacity that you gladly put up with until well after midnight as he had you cumming more than once on his cock, then woke up to first thing with his head between your thighs.

↠ Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest

I PROMISE ONE DAY I WILL FINISH THE FINAL CHAPTER, I JUST CAN'T HELP IT THAT PEOPLE KEEP SENDING FANTASTICALLY INSPIRATIONAL ASKS THAT TURN INTO THESE LITTLE ADDITIONAL SCENES FOR THEIR FUTURE!

[mydearesthrry]

red cars & red lipstick - h.s.

a/n: this pairing wont leave my brain. enjoy :P. ummm trying out this new smau thing idk tell me what you think!!!

pairing: f1 driver!harry styles (#7) x leclerc!yn

———

liked by charles_leclerc, scuderiaferrari, and 985,161 others

ynleclerc_: the leclercies will always persist and be at a race even if we have the flu 🤗🤗 vvvv proud of u chachi

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charles_leclerc: Thanks bug 🫡

scuderiaferrari: through thick and thin ❤️

harrystyles: You guys got me sick too :(

> ynleclerc_: oopsies

> charles_leclerc: You wouldn’t stop kissing my sister 🤨

this comment was deleted by author

> charles_leclerc: Oops

> harrystyles: Oh my god

user1: HARRY WOULDNT STOP WHAT?????????

user2: OH MY FUCKING GOD

user3: THIS IS THE CRAZIEST FUCKING THING IVE EVER SEEN

user4: YNRRY CONFIRMED?????

———

— ferrari’s headaches ❤️ group message thread:

y/n : harry…

charlie: oh no

harry: Charles.

y/n: harry pls dont kill him

charlie: IM SORRY

charlie: I THOUGHT I WAS ON MY OTHER ACCOUNT

charlie: I DELETED IT AS SOON AS I REALIZED

y/n: chachi girl calm down

harry: Yeah. Lol. I’m kidding, it’s not that serious.

harry: I don’t really mind.

y/n: HARRY THATS EVIL

harry: ;)

charlie: you are so evil oh my gods

harry: Love youuuuuuu

———

liked by harrystyles, landonorris, and 2,167,551 others

ynleclerc_: i knew i loved u when u drove me home when i turned eighteen and now i know i love u every time i look at u. cats out the bag lololol i love you 7 harrystyles

comments have been limited

maxverstappen1: Wait this wasn’t a secret?

> ynleclerc_: girl

landonorris: You guys are annoying

> ynleclerc_: ur annoyinger

charles_leclerc: Sorry Bug

lilymhe: well… now that thats been revealed!

lilymhe: finally can be on the paddock wearing number 7 😭

> ynleclerc_: OH MY GODDDDDDD

> ynleclerc_: FINALLY

harrystyles: Oh my god I forgot about that

charles_leclerc: This is unfair???? She’s my sister?????????

> ynleclerc_: sorry you exposed us u can deal with the consequences!

liked by ynleclerc_, charles_leclerc, and 3,261,836 others

harrystyles: Lovely weekend ;)

view all 76,155 comments

ynleclerc_: MY MAN MY MAN MY MANNNNNN

ynleclerc_: just audibly gasped in the ferrari garage

> harrystyles: Why are you still there?

> ynleclerc_: idk nonna was giving gelato so i sat down but everyone left :(

> charles_leclerc: Can you get off your phone and come to the car please, your phone is on do not disturb and Lily and Alex have been trying to find you 😒

> ynleclerc_: damn dont air me out like that

user1: IM LIVING FOR THE INTERACTIONS HAHAHAHA

user3: oh this trio is about to be CHAOTIC

user4: charles is gonna be over their bullshit so fast 😭😭😭😭😭

> landonorris: he already is

> charles_leclerc: Already am

[scramblescrew]

Hiya there! I saw you're taking Requests

If its not a problem I would like to request yandere Cookie run Ancients with a reader that tried (and failed at) fighting back after being kidnapped by them.

((OMGSH THANK YOU FOR BEING MY FIRST REQUEST, ANON! Also I’ll give you this for the request, I hope you enjoy!))

((Art by DevSister art team!))

Yandere Ancients with a defiant Darling

Let me tell you- this king was LIVID

Why must you fight him after he saved you!? Seeing you try and shove him away from yourself, screaming, crying, begging, trying to get back to the world that was trying to corrupt you…take you away from him… “why must you fight me!?I’m only doing what’s best for you!” At some point, Dark Cacao would have enough and lock you in your isolated room with watchers guarding your door for days, Dark Cacao coming in every day in hopes you would run into his arms and need him. If you haven’t submit to his demands then he would leave you locked in until the next time he came by.

Just pretend to submit for your sanity and his trust, maybe he’ll let you out as long as he trusts you 😉

One word, four syllables. De-lu-soin-al. She firmly believes that you have been g*slit into hating her or that you were severely sick, how could you possibly want to run away from her!? You must be sick! She sets herself into the mindset of your caretaker, your savior. She would often find herself laying on your bed with you, held tightly to her chest. Yes, you still fought her for your “freedom”, but she wouldn’t let you….she needed you, just as much as you needed her.

“Please, my little bee, stop fighting me! Let me help you!”

“JUST LET ME CURE YOU! THOSE HORRIBLE PEOPLE INFECTED YOUR MIND, AND I NEED TO HELP YOU!”

“Oh, you can just stop trying now~ ..why? Cause you’re NOT gonna win!~ Hahahaha!” GCC would often grab you by your arms and fly up high into the sky, dangling you by your arms as you frantically try to hold onto her for dear life. Once she thinks you’ve had enough, she clutches you to her chest and slowly floated down to the ground. She then carried you back to her bedroom and cuddled you close to her chest.

“If you ever run away from me, I promise you, I will always find you…”

“I love you..even if you test me so much…”

“Please…I’ve tried for so long to get you here, where it is SAFE for you..! Just let me love you….” This cookie- OMG. He would try his best to understand why you were fighting against his love but all cookies have a breaking point. He would drag you to his bedroom and just lay on his bed, his arms wrapped around you for dear life. “My love….I love you but you test me so much….but I’ll keep trying…”

Only a small handful of cookies have seen HBC anything BUT joyful. But one day, you were the unfortunate Cookie to witness something that seemed…out of character for HBC, her RAGE. All of her out of character-ness at that moment stemmed from you trying to fight her for your freedom…

“WHY MUST YOU BE SO STUBBORN!? DON’T YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH I NEED YOU AND HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME!? You’re my missing piece….a part of me that was taken from me before I was born….and I-…I can’t lose you again….you complete me…just please….stop fighting and stay with me….”

By the end of her tirade, you would be pinned against a wall or her bed (get your head outta the gutter.) with HBC’s hands death gripping your arms to your side and her head pressed against your chest. Tears would be flowing from her eyes and the room would be deathly silent.

Just give her what she wants….all she has left of her mental wellbeing is you…

(Hello reader! I want to thank you all for reading this post and I want to thank this Anon for sending me my first request!!!! I’m really excited to write for you all and I hope y’all have a great day!)

[prettyboyjohnny]

JOHNNY VOICE LINE TRANSCRIPT 🥩

I wrote these out a long time ago but never posted them anywhere! Based on [x].

>Nancy's voicelines<

Notes:

• I could've copied the game subtitles, but I didn't 'cause they suck.

• I haven't played enough Johnny to know where some of these lines start and end. Please let me know if I've made any mistakes in that regard!

• I was gonna include tone indicators, but tone is subjective. No one wants me to mark the Feed Grandpa voice lines as "Flirty."

Thanks!

VOICELINES

Encounter Start

Now look at this! Somebody's ready to fight!

This is gonna end... Very badly for you.

Yeah-ha-ha! Oh, that's it! Hit me...

Imma gut every single one of y'all! [Inhales, laughs under breath] Come on... Come on!

Exit interaction

Nobody leaves until I say so!

Ain't nobody leavin' just yet!

Got it.

Nobody's leavin' alive! Y'all not fast enough! ... Good try, though.

Feed Grandpa

Get your fill, old man.

It always tastes best when it's fresh, don't it?

Here you go, old man.

You're lookin' better already... Now help us!

Oh, you're thirsty today.

Victim found

HA HA! It's playtime!

Heh heh, it's playtime...

Hahahaha, I always find 'em!

You should know better than that! ... Come on out, now.

Hey there! [Laughs]

Well! Look who we got here! [Laughs]

Hit victim

Oh! Now I got ya!

Yeah! Take it! Take it!

It's better if you die right quick! Trust me!

This would be simpler if you would sit still!

Yeah! You gonna be leakin' after that hit.

Idle

Nobody escapes me.

How the hell did those kids find us? [Sighs] I should've been more careful.

If Grandpa was able, this would be over by now... I better go feed him.

Damn it, Johnny... Get your head straight! Come on, now!

I gotta fix this... Now!

Cook seen

I'd watch that tongue of yours, old man... It might go missin' one day.

I thought you knew how to run this household... THIS is a mess!

Damn it, old man! Put those ears of yours to use already!

Where are they?! How the hell did they get loose?! I can't fix this by myself, old man.

Stop barkin' orders at me! You ain't gonna like the results.

Hitchhiker seen

Surround the property with some of those traps already! This is getting outta hand fast!

You're one shifty little sumbitch... I'll give you that. [Laughs]

How you make those weird ass traps of yours, anyway?

Would you. Settle. The Hell. Down already. You're scattering all over the dang place. We gotta focus!

Grandpa is gonna tan our hides if we let them get away. Spread out!

Leatherface seen

That's it, boy... Go kill someone now.

Go on, put that saw to use, big boy! What're you waitin' on?

If I were you, I'd go and check out Grandpa. We're gonna need his help!

Let's go now, boy! Grandpa ain't gonna be too pleased if you let them escape.

Just get outta my way, boy... I'll show you how real killin's done.

Sissy seen

Are you gonna help me out, or just stand there lookin' pretty?

If it ain't askin' too much, before you go and run off again, would you mind helpin' me out?

Before you go runnin' off with those back-house hippies again... Can you PLEASE find these damn kids?!

Sissy, what the hell're you waitin' on? Get to it!

Sissy... Are you even listenin' to me? What's goin' on in that head of yours?! Damn!

Lose enemy first

Aww, you leavin' so soon?

It's alright, big boy's gonna be wearing your face soon enough... After I'm done with you, that is. [Laughs]

You know... I was actually kinda fond of that girl, I-I didn't really wanna hurt 'er... But, as they say... Family first, y'know?

You ever watch someone die? Oh... You ain't never quite the same after that, lemme tell ya.

Ohohoh, you can run all you want... It ain't gonna matter much longer.

Lose enemy sub

[Scoffs] You're all gurgle and no guts! I thought you were tougher than that!

I'm gonna find you... I will! I promise!

You wanna know how your friend died? I can show you!

L-Listen now! E-Everybody's time comes eventually!

The bad man's in me... And you gonna meet 'im real soon!

Lose enemy long

Your little friend put up a better fight than this... Come on... Make it interesting, will ya?!

They always try to hide... It's always the same game... [Laughs]

You folks don't know who you messin' with! Nobody ever gets away from me.

You're just delayin' the inevitable! YOU HEAR ME?

Come on out now, let's play.

I got plenty of space in the cold room for you.

Match start

It's time. [Chuckles] Seems they've got some fight in 'em after all.

I knew I should've handled this myself... I'll fix it.

That's what I get for taking it easy on them. Time for them to join that little friend of theirs.

See blood trail

Oh, this is gonna be easy.

Hey, you okay? You seem to have lost a bit of blood!

Now... let's see where you scurried off to.

You know... Bleedin' like that ain't gonna help your cause!

Don't bleed out on me yet! I need you awake!

See enemy first

Don't worry. I like it when they run.

Look, you're gonna want this to end fast. Trust me on that.

Well, don't run! I just wanna see how it feels.

There you are! [Chuckles] You kinda remind me of your little friend.

See enemy sub

This is pointless, you know. Quit stallin'.

Don't worry... I'll find ya.

[Growls] I'm gonna see your insides before this night's through!

Oh, you ain't gettin' away! I'm keepin' you.

Come on back, now.

Got something I wanna show you! [Laugh]

See family member

Well! Look who decided to lend a hand!

Check the doors and generator. We can't let them leave. You hear me?

Y'all need to start pullin' your weight around here. This is gettin' old!

Grandpa's gonna be in a fit if we let them escape. Start searchin'!

Would y'all... Help me already. PLEASE!

See trapped victim

We gotcha! [Laughs]

You ready to meet the bad man?

You got one!

Looks like you might be hurtin'. Might wanna be watchin' where you're steppin'.

[Laughs]

See victim escape

Maybe I can still catch 'em. Yeah, down by the tracks.

Damn... They're free... For now.

This isn't gonna be good.

Damn it, Johnny! [Scoffs] ... The old man's gonna be riled up now.

Use ability blocked

Ain't no tracks here...

Nah... got nothin'.

Better wait a minute.

Not quite yet ... [Inhales] Almost ready.

Use ability

Time to play. Now... Where did you go?

I'll find ya. Don't you worry about that.

Go ahead and hide... It ain't gonna matter.

Where'd y'all run off to?

Use ability success

[Hums] ... There you are.

They always leave a trail. Always so careless. [Chuckles, inhales] ... This is too easy.

I'm on your tail now!

Execution

You're gonna look real nice... Next to that friend of yours!

That's it... Die for me!

This... Is only gonna hurt... For a minute!

You should've never came here lookin' for that girl!

You ain't gettin' away! I'm keepin' you!

[Last edited March 2024]

[wittlesissyb4by]

Piggy

"Oh my god! Hey! I saw you from the road, are you okay??

They got you in a fucking cage? Who put you here??

Ohp, silly me, I guess you can't really speak with that gag on...

Wait. Are you...are you that fucking creep that was making those sleezy remarks to my girlfriends and I on the sidewalk?? You followed us around for like an hour! It was scary! And gross!! Fucking pig!

Is that why you're locked in a cage? Huh? You a wittle piggy?? Oink for me you little bitch! Oink for me and I might let you out! There's a key over there on the mat! OINK!!

That's better.

Did you fuck with the wrong person, huh?? Is that why you're out here? Baking in the heat and on full display for everyone that walks by--

wait...what the fuck are you wearing?? Is...is that...a diaper?!

No fucking way.

Turn around, let me see!

Come on! I know it's tight. Flip around.

*gasp*

It is a diaper!! HAHAHAHA!! Oh my god!! It's so big and droopy and plump and *sniff*

Ohggh!! It smells awful!! Did you...shit yourself??

Ewww!! That's fucking disgusting!!

But it looks like you didn't have much of a choice, did you? Are those mittens lockable? Seems so...

Well, serves you fucking right, creep! You want to act like a pig? Get treated like one. Waddle in your fucking filth for all I care!

Actually...that gives me an idea. Since you wanna be dirty little pervert, how about you rub your self? Right here. Right now.

That's right, rub your fucking diaper! Mush that mess around! Press against your pampers! Rub your little dickie inside!

I bet it's teeny tiny, isn't it? Losers like you usually aren't packing. Unless you count packing those pampers...

Keep rubbing! Make your wittle piggy noises!! That's right! Grunt and oink for me!! You want your fucking key? You want out of your little fucking cage? Then prove it. Rub your fucking diaper!

Actually...I got a better idea...why don't you not touch your diaper at all? I want you to get on the fucking ground and hump it! I want you to pound your wittle poopy pampurrs into the pavement. That's right!! Wittle piggy's gonna play in the mud! A little mud slide on the ground! Come on! Get down! Now.

Thaaaat's it! Show me how much you want out of your fucking cage!

Why don't I hear you oinking? I want the neighbors down the BLOCK to hear you!! Even through that fucking gag!

Harder! Faster! Hump, Piggy!!

Why are you stopping? Are you...did you...no fucking way. Just when I thought you couldn't get any more pathetic, look at you. Did you cum already? That was like...30 seconds. Pitiful.

Well...I don't know who locked you in here, but I sure as fuck ain't letting you out! In fact, I think I'm gonna go get my friends to come see the pampered piggy! Keep humping. I want that diaper even stickier and muddier by the time I get back!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[ctitan98official]

Y/N starts a new diet

18+ Minors DNI

Y/N: *Throwing out all of their snacks and junk food*

Peter: *Walks by, tilts his head* What are you doing, Y/N?

Y/N: I’m gonna quit eating all of this processed crap. I think it’ll make me feel better.

Peter: *Impressed* Wow, way to go! That’s a big lifestyle change.

Y/N: Yep! I’m only gonna eat organic stuff from now on.

Peter: Really? I… Don’t think I’ve ever seen you eat one fruit or vegetable.

Y/N: *Confused* Who said I was gonna eat fruits and vegetables?

Peter: Uhh- I… Wait, am I missing something? You just said you were only going to eat organic stuff, right?

Y/N: Yeah…?

Peter: So… Fruits and vegetables. What’s more organic than that?

Y/N: *Shrugs* Pussy. It’s nature’s flavor bomb, you know?

Peter: >:0 Y/N!

Y/N: I’m just so glad Nat’s on board with my new diet! Now, I don’t even have to go to the store to get food. I can just chill and have breakfast in bed.

Peter: *Retches* Y/N, you can’t live off of just… That!

Y/N: Sure I can! I’ll be getting all the NAT-rition I need! *Laughs wildly*

Natasha: *Suddenly walks in*

Y/N: *Blanches, finally stops spewing idiocy, realizes they’ve been running their mouth too much* B-babe!

Peter: *Eyes shoot wide open, panics* N-Natasha! I… Uhh… What a beautiful day we’re having, right?! I can’t remember ever seeing a more beautiful day! The sun is out and it’s so… Sunny! Hahahaha!

Natasha: *Quirks an eyebrow at Peter, weirded out* Um… Yeah, it’s great, Peter. I’m glad you’re enjoying the sunshine. *Turns to Y/N, kisses them on the cheek* How’s cleaning out all of the junk food going, detka?

Y/N: *Quickly throws their last bag of snacks away, trying to seem innocent* I j-just finished!

Natasha: I’m so proud of you, Y/N. *Pinches their cheek affectionately*

Y/N: *Chuckles anxiously* Hehe. Thanks, babe… *Looks away, scratching their head*

Peter: *Nervously twiddling his thumbs*

Natasha: *Narrows her eyes suspiciously as she looks between Y/N and Peter* I clearly walked in on you two discussing something. Care to fill me in?

Y/N: *Tries to think of a good lie* Well, I was going through all the snacks and Pete was-

Peter: Minding his own business! *Runs away, screaming* You’re on your own, Y/N!

Y/N: *Mutters under their breath* Coward…

Natasha: *Crosses her arms, turns to Y/N* … Detka?

Y/N: *Begins to sweat* Yeah, babe?

Natasha: Were you talking about something with Peter that I wouldn’t approve of? That seems to be your favorite hobby.

Y/N: *Gives her big puppy dog eyes, trying to placate her* Don’t freak out-

Natasha: *Groans* Oh damn it, Y/N! What did you say to Peter?!

Y/N: Uhh…

Natasha: *Glares at Y/N* I swear if you told him about our sex life or something you’ll be shitting teeth for a week.

Y/N: *Cringes* Umm… No, I didn’t! I mean, not really! But, the conversation was about something sort of… Sex life… Adjacent? I just got carried away, that’s all!

Natasha: ???

Y/N: I was telling Pete about my new organic diet! Your coochie’s next level and I just wanted to brag a bit-

Natasha: *Cheeks flaming, mortified, goes over to bang her head on one of the nearby cabinets* You’ve scarred Peter for life now! He’ll never be the same!

Y/N: *Waves their hand dismissively* He’ll be fine… Maybe.

Natasha: *Growls* I knew I should have said no when you suggested this stupid diet. Consider your dining privileges revoked! *Storms off*

Y/N:

Note: This is cursed… I’m sorry :( Y/N runs off of 50% pussy, 30% stupidity, and 20% Peter’s tears.

Also… Based on the way that chocolate looks on Patrick’s face… Y/N eats ass too 😂

Masterlist