#half of why i want to edit it. i feel like y'all deserve my best and ik in its current form it isn't my best

[lilimariposawrites]

plausible deniability

uh oh. having thoughts, lots of them. the sum of which is: i think i need to pull PD down and edit it fairly thoroughly. i just had an idea that i think makes it make more sense (at least it helps me unstick from where i am now stuck re: ch10) and it requires a comprehensive-ish rewrite. not a total rewrite of the story, but it makes so much sense and i def haven’t built up to it at all bc it literally just came to me.

to be fair — i’ve actually been thinking of pulling the story down and editing it anyways. for at least a couple months, actually. there’s some pacing issues i’ve been wanting to address, little inconsistencies that i’ve only caught on multiple rereads, and it really bothers me to have smth out there in the world attached to my name that i don’t feel 1ike is my best work.

i’ll sit on this for a week at least i can promise that much bc it would be a big project (even bigger than PD is currently) and i would probably only pull it down if i was 100% committed to finishing it before i posted it in its entirety. and i’m not there yet. i would say i’m about 65, 70% though. and considering i’ve been wanting to edit it for a while — i def think i need to seriously consider this.

sigh. any thoughts welcome.

[astaroth1357]

Demigod MC Series: Hermes

Hey guys, still doing what I can to stay healthy (and entertained) in quarantine. Staying still, keeping calm, and trying not to exert myself too much because of the shortness of breath thing going on. My lungs just can't get enough air it seems… 😅 Anyway, I've gotten a lot of suggestions on this series and I'm excited to keep it going. Just going to be a tad slow until I'm feeling better. Thank you for the support, y'all!

Demigod MC Series: Intro, Aphrodite, Hermes

Lucifer

Oh no… it’s everyone’s worst nightmare… Another Mammon, but competent. Devil help us all…

Had he known who their father was, he'd have never assigned Mammon to watch over them. Hell, he would have made sure those two never even met. They became a new handful for him to manage from the day they first arrived…

When even more things started going missing around the House than normal, he knew he had made a grave mistake… They were clever, quick, and skilled. About the best WORST combination for a burglar to be…

Worse still, they were fast on their feet. He would pretty much have no way to nab them on foot and always had to resort to his wings or magic to have any hope of catching up to them… At least Mammon usually gets himself cornered!

But, paradoxically, he also came to notice that the mortal had an odd honesty streak to them... Like, they’d steal but they’d always admit to it, unlike Mammon who would try to deflect till he was blue in the face.

Were they proud of their work, maybe? Or just didn’t see the point in trying to get away with it...?

There would be several occasions where they’d take something, sell it with Mammon, and then steal the thing back later just to put it back where it belonged, seemingly never with Mammon’s permission to do so either… 

Is it better that they returned the stolen item or worse because their actions went from just robbery to a full-on scam? Either way, it gives him headaches trying to deal with it…

He pretty much gives up getting the mortal to stop after 6 months, they are legitimately that good, but makes them swear to always put back whatever they take at some point. It seems to work out and he lets more things slide, but please someone get them out of here soon… 

Mammon

Soulmatesoulmatesoulmatesoulmate, or maybe more accurately “Partner-in-Crime” but that means pretty much the same thing to him anyway. 🤷‍♀️

He’s never met a person better at thievery than they were. The day they met, they managed to pick his pockets without breaking a sweat (or a finger) and that was it. He was in love.

They could teleport! Actually teleport!! Suddenly, NOTHING was off limits to him any more! Lucifer’s rare records? Easy. Levi’s secret safe? Cakewalk. The Castle vault?? Child’s play!! It was like they could steal anything they put their mind to!!

He didn't even have to worry about them when they made getaways because they were fast too, the two actually have parkour races through the streets for the hell of it!

On top of all that, they were wicked creative. He’d come up with a money-making scheme then they’d offer him all sorts of little tricks to help get away with it...

HE’D have never realized that they could turn themselves into rats in order to frighten and sneak past Barbatos, but they thought of it the instant they heard of his fear of things. They're a mad genius!!

The only real downside was they seemed to like stealing for the sport of it instead of for the money… so they always steal back whatever they took.

That kind of defeats the purpose of all that work in the first place, right? Ah well, at least that's more money for him.

These two pretty much became a walking menace to Devildom society- Sorry, not sorry.

Leviathan

Not another Mammon!!! WHY?! What did he do to deserve this?!?

When he started noticing that EVEN MORE of his stuff was going missing than usual, he straight-up flipped! Like, had the mortal not been pretty tough in their own right they would have been Lotan-chow. End of discussion.

… And then they started using their powers for good? Kind of?

Like, first off they would always give back what they stole, which was a nice change from Mammon. Annoying, but at least he didn't have to go buy replacement games or anything…

And then they started stealing him limited edition merch or tickets and stuff because they… liked him?? He guessed???

Why else would they go to all the trouble of swiping one of the five ultra-rare Kitsune Ruri-chan figurines from its original collector? He would have had to pay Mammon half his tail for something like that but the MC just brought it to him one morning because they could!

Is… is this love? Has he grown to love that which he hates?! What is even happening anymore!?! Who is he?!? 😫

Eventually he has to reconcile his conflicted feelings by dubbing them the real life Peony Phantom Thief, Jane and even making them a cosplay. Yes, they have to wear it when they bring him things. No, it's not weird, shut up.

Satan

He wants to be irritated, no - furious, that they keep taking his stuff… But he’ll be damned if they aren’t making Lucifer’s life a living hell right now. 😏

He's honestly not even sure how they managed to swipe half of the priceless portraits in the Castle (a considerable feat since there's one for Every. Room.) but they pulled it off in under a week. Barbs didn't even notice the replicas…

If that's not mildly terrifying, he doesn't know what is. Who knows what things he could be missing at any given moment...?

At least the mortal had the good sense to return his things, unlike Mammon, which gets them off his shit list for the most part. 🤷‍♀️

It helps that they’re also impressively well-traveled. They claim to have been across every human continent and sailed every ocean. Though he was skeptical at first, just hearing their stories eventually convinced him.

What sort of person has sailed the Amazon River, hiked through Arctic tundra, seen every major capital city, and still had time to explore the sights of the French Riviera?

One that has magical teleportation powers apparently.

Frankly, he could listen to their stories of the human world all day and still ask for another. He's told them that they may as well just write a book of their own for him at some point, it'd be beneficial to their poor vocal chords.

Asmodeus

Ugh! Really? Another thief in the House?? Wasn’t one hard enough to deal with?!

Honestly, stolen beauty products aren't exactly something you can just sell or give back, so unfortunately a lot of Asmo's clothes/accessories get targeted and he is NOT happy about it...

Around the time his favorite scarf was stolen for the third time, he was about to gut the mortal himself, but they struck a deal with him. They could nab his clothes SO LONG as they returned them with an extra little "gift."

Jewelry, perfume, creams, nail polish, etc. Asmo kept a running list and pretty much treated his thieving friend like a less moral version of Akuzon. Whatever he asked for, no matter how rare or expensive, they always got their hands on so who was he to complain?

He once decided to test them by asking for the Hope Diamond - which they got for him - but he made them return it after a week after the curse on it made him ruin a particularly intricate manicure so…

Like Satan, he's also pretty impressed with all the places they've seen. He's pretty traveled in the human world himself so they exchange travel stories all the time!

He may bother them to him out traveling from time to time. There are so many gorgeous and romantic places to visit in the human world after all, it's not like anybody could stop them from just… popping in to have a look. Right? 😏

Beelzebub

They learned very quickly that his food is absolutely off limits and after that, they were good.

Seriously. Beel caught them once trying to swipe a piece of pizza from his dinner and he nearly ripped their arm off for it…

But on the flipside, he also knows that he can go to them if he REALLY needs a snack and is short on cash. 

It's pretty comical watching the fleet-foot mortal running from angry demon vendors with a basket of stolen apples for their buddy… But he appreciates their enthusiasm! 🙂

Beel actually likes to hear about their travels too, but mostly what they've eaten. They can keep him enraptured for hours by describing all the food they've come across in the human world…

Watch out for the drool, though.

Since they can teleport, they'll sometimes pop up with a human world treat for him and the man internally swears his undying love for them every time...

Outwardly, though, he just smiles. 'Cause he's a sweetie.

Belphegor

They… they opened the attic door on, like, the first day they met… They didn’t even make it look that hard, they had some kind of knack for breaking and entering…

Seriously, imagine the look on his face when they just walk into the attic to say hello… He had this whole, “Lure and Trick the Human” plan all thought out then they pulled out a magic lockpick or something and BOOM! Freedom!

He laughed, perhaps a little closer to the edge of sanity than he was intending, and he tried to attack them but they were so damn fast he couldn't land a single hit!

Damn was it embarrassing when the others came in…

MC: "LUCIFER! LUCIFER!! There's a monster in your attic!!!"

Lucifer: "That's not a monster that's my brother!!"

MC: *stops midway through kneeing Belphie in the stomach* …. Ooooooooh!

MC: Whoops. 

It was a… rocky start.

After they settled their differences quelled Belphie's bloodlust he found that they kind of grew on him rather quickly… Something about that mischievous energy and how much they gave his brothers (minus Beel) grief with it.

He absolutely helps them with their plans if it will annoy Lucifer in any way. Occasionally, they'll even take Belphie out on raids instead of Mammon.

Turns out he's surprisingly good at distractions because all he has to do is pretend to fall then take a nap. People around him will legitimately believe that he needs medical attention so the MC can sneak through crowds undetected...

Of course, Mammon gets PISSED when they do this, though. How dare his baby brother try to steal away his perfect partner!! Get your own damn mortal, Belphie!!! 🤬

[desidarling123]

Reviewing the Grishaverse Couples (Canon and Non-Canon/Alternate Universe) just because I can, here we go:

These are not based *strictly* on the books, but rather the Netflix show, which appears to have spawned ✨all the ships✨ as of late.

DISLAIMER: I don't hate any ships! And I won't tolerate any slander. Creativity is the core to all fandoms, and that's what shipping (canon or otherwise) is ultimately all about. Cool? Cool.

CANON COUPLES:

Darkling/Alina aka DARKLINA: What I came for TBH, though not necessarily what kept me watching through the end (damn you, episode 5! you got me so confused! ahhh but also corruption arc for Alina? hmmmm) Jessie and Ben have chemistry in spades, and Ben emotes well for an ancient asshat. These two have great fic potential.

Mal/Alina aka MALINA: Sweet! A little boring to me initially tbh, but much better on rewatch. They are each other's safe haven, and there's something really lovely about that. I like them together.

Kaz/Inej aka KANEJ: GOD TIER. THEY'VE RUINED EVERYTHING ELSE FOR ME. NOTHING EVEN COMES CLOSE. THE FUCKING PINING BITCH. HE LOVES HER. SO SO MUCH. 1000000000/10.

Full disclosure: I came for Darklina, but stayed for Kanej. And, at this rate, will happily suffer countless seasons where the most they do is maybe hold hands but also Netflix please let them heal their trauma together and kiss at least once for my poor shipper heart PLEASE

Nina/Matthias aka HELNIK: They're cute. Almost a little too on-the-nose with the tropes for me, personally, but the actors make it work.

Jesper/Stable Boy: Honestly? Good for Jesper. The only person on the show who actually managed to get laid onscreen. He deserves it.

Genya/David: Also very cute, though they don't necessarily occupy much brain space. I like that David is this awkward little dork but he's just. So good for Genya. It's very pure and she really needs that.

Darkling/Zoya: Zoya, baby, you deserve better. That said, I wish the show had explored their backstory a bit more. These two would clearly put the T in toxic (Aleksander largely being the one to blame here, of course).

Ivan/Feydor: As someone else put it, these two can be summarized simply by -- be gay and do crimes. They're real cute. If only they weren't Team Darkling.

NON-CANON/ALTERNATE UNIVERSE:

AKA time for some ✨multishipper controversy✨

Darkling/Inej aka DARKEJ: I am extremely biased since I've written for them, but honestly? I would like to convert you all. This pairing has POTENTIAL. The sinner and the saint, the immortal and the ordinary. Also they both have this elegant, shadowy grace to them. Bonus points? Kaz getting a whiff of this nonsense and meticulously planning how to cut up Aleksander into a million tiny little pieces lol.

Darkling/Kaz aka DARKAZ: Sexy. So so sexy. Not in a physical sense (for obvious reasons' on Kaz' end, unless you go AU with that aspect, too) but more a battle of brains. Would inevitably end with Kaz slitting the Darkling's throat, somehow as he should, lmao.

Kaz/Alina aka KAZALINA: I didn't understand this, initially. They barely interacted and Kaz seemed more the type to drag Alina by the kefta than woo her. However, I saw a bunch of people on TikTok attacking someone who made a fantastic AU video edit, (and by a bunch I mean at least two attack videos amassing 10K+ likes total) -- so now I ship it purely out of spite, LOL. It only works in an AU where Inej doesn't exist or Kanej is somehow still endgame, but you know what? The saint and the nonbeliever has some potential. I dig it.

Kaz/Jesper aka KESPER: There's some basis for it in the books. I do prefer them as friends (and come on! Wylan!) but again, I get it.

Jesper/Inej: I... want whatever y'all are smoking bc it must be AMAZING (I kid, I kid). While I can't fully claim to understand it, I love both characters, want nothing but the best for them, and am not entirely opposed to it given the right premise. And Jesper did say he'd kill a man for Inej pretty much without hesitation...

Kaz/Jesper/Inej: OT3 vibes. I haven't read anything with these three just yet but I think, done right, it could be absolutely perfect.

Inej/Alina: I feel like Inej's piety would actually get in the way of a true relationship but I think it's cute as a one-sided crush, Inej on Alina.

Mal/Inej: This one is probably the most random of the Inej ships, but I'm team "Give Inej All The Love" so I'll let this one slide. Also, Amita and Archie low-key have crazy chemistry off-set so again. I get it.

Mal/Kaz: ... does this even exist? Lol I think Mal would definitely drive Kaz up the goddamn wall

Mal/Darkling: Objectively hilarious to me on several counts LMAO (that fight scene at the end of episode 8 PLS). BUT there's a fine line between love and hate... maybe it's not Alina they were after but each other all along

Alina/Genya: Again, god-tier. Also, makes Genya's later betrayal of Alina extra tasty in my opinion. So yeah, add in a dash of heartbreak why not?!?

Alina/Zoya: Enemies to lovers excellence. Though Zoya clearly has some internalized self-hatred to work through (baby WHAT was that half-breed comment?), I don't hate it. Maybe some day...

[captainsolare]

Solsooool!! Congrats on 300!!you deserve it and much much more!! ❤️💜 For your event, you know I have to ask for sero, you write him so well! Sero + journal maybe?? And thank you in advance!! ❤️💜❤️

A/N: Hello hello lovely!! I am so sorry this took so long, I hope you like it! 

A/N: I’ve come to the conclusion I can’t write short things, I have too much to say. Also woah this is the last post from the 300 event, thanks so much for your support y'all <3

Sero + Journal

The lunchroom was loud, Sero sat with his normal group, thoughts miles away. “Why do we have to do this stupid assignment anyways?” Denki lamented, sighing heavily as he slumped forward onto the table. “Hey, don’t knock my rice off the table, electricity for brains.” Bakugo threatened, grabbing his bowl as the table tipped unevenly. Sero zoned back into the conversation when suddenly a question was directed towards him.

“What was the question?” He asked, blinking. Kirishima smiled, “No worries man. Mina just asked what you wrote for the journal assignment.”

Sero hummed thoughtfully. The assignment prompt was ‘What would your ideal future look like?’ He knew he should probably say a generic answer, like ‘seeing a world where heroes wouldn’t be necessary or wanting to be a top hero, but for some reason, all of his thoughts led him down a path towards you. He didn’t know you very well, you were in a different hero course class, but you seemed kind and smart, and with a face like that? Goodness, he was hooked.

His daydreaming was interrupted by Mina’s finger poking his cheek; blinking to settle back to reality he was met with his friends’ smiling faces. “Uh oh I know that look,” Denki said teasingly. Mina nodded, smirking, “Uh-huh, our little tape boy is in love.”

Love? The word felt strange in his brain and set his cheeks on fire. “What?! No way.” he protested, hands raised defensively. Mina smiled and exchanged a knowing glance with Denki, “I bet we already know who it is!” “We do?” Denki asked, face scrunching in confusion.

“Look! There’s Y/N now!” Mina exclaimed. Sero couldn’t help it, he perked up like an excited puppy eyes scanning the crowd for you. His face settled into a pout when you were nowhere to be found, and his friends began to laugh. “Dude you should have seen your face!” Denki teased, socking his arm lightly. Sero’s cheeks were warm from embarrassment. Kirishima raised up a halting hand, “Hey now, let’s not tease the guy too much. I think it’s manly to be in love.” Bakugo grunted his disinterest, and the group returned to other topics of conversation.

Soon the bell rang, signaling the long walk back to class. Sero was quiet as he walked, trailing a few steps behind his friends; running through a mental checklist of what he’d need for the next class he panicked as he realized he left his journal back in the locker room this morning. He quickly pivoted, yelling to Denki that he’d be right back and to cover for him.

Little did he know you were in the same predicament, you rushed to the locker room, retrieving the all-important journal from your own locker. As you exited into the hallway, not really paying attention to your surroundings, you bumped into something warm. Your notebooks and whoever’s you’d bumped into landed on a heap on the floor. “Oh my gosh I’m so sorry (YLN/)(Sero)!” You and Sero said at the same time.

You both scrambled to the floor to grab the notebooks, managing to knock heads in the process. “Geez, I’m really batting a thousand today, huh?” Sero joked, handing you the notebook he presumed to be yours.

Before you could answer the bell rang and you met each other’s panicked eyes. “Sorry, gotta go!” You exclaimed, rushing off to your class. Sero lingered a few moments longer, hand burning from where you’d accidentally brushed his.

He rushed back to the classroom, notebook in hand. “Sorry I’m late, Present Mic.” Mic nodded, not pausing from his lecture. Once Sero sat down, Mic set his piece of chalk down. “Alright! Now that everyone is here, we’re going to swap journals with the person next to us and edit their journal entries for the most recent assignment.” Sero’s heart sank, but he turned to Midoriya and begrudgingly handed his journal over. At least he probably won’t make fun of me.

Midoriya’s cheeks were warm from embarrassment, “I wish I had known we were going to peer-edit these. Mine’s a little embarrassing.” Sero chuckled, feeling a bit better about the situation, “It can’t be any more embarrassing than mine.” Midoriya smiled and they each turned the pages open to find the most recent journal entries.

Sero was digging out a red pencil from his bag when he heard Midoriya’s shaky voice coming from next to him. “Uh Sero?” He turned, head cocked in confusion, “Yeah? Is something wrong?” Midoriya bit his lip, wondering how exactly to tell him this, “Well, uh, it looks like this notebook isn’t yours.” Hanta blinked, how was that possible? He had definitely picked up his own notebook in the hallway, right?

He was certain his face was as red as Kirishima’s hair as he took the notebook from Midoriya with trembling hands. As he peered at the handwriting that was most definitely not his, the facts cemented in his brain. In the hallway, he must have given you, the person he wrote an embarrassing journal entry about for an English assignment, the journal he wrote it in. Sero sank in his chair, resting his head in his hands. It was certain, his life, and reputation as being a sort of cool guy were over.

As the day crept on, he dreaded going to the training grounds this afternoon; you’d surely be there and he wasn’t sure he could look you in the face, not after you’d read that journal entry he wrote. In the locker room, he pinched the bridge of his nose, wondering what exactly he had done for fate to curse him like this. “What’s wrong man? You’ve been acting weird all day?” Denki asked, shirt half on. Sero sighed, shoulders heavy with defeat. “I accidentally ran into Y/N after I went to grab my notebook earlier and in the mix of rushing to class and getting up off the floor, we ended up swapping notebooks.”

Denki blinked, “Wait, your English notebook? Why would that be a big deal?” Sero shook his head, his best friend could be so perceptive, but so dumb sometimes. His cheeks warmed as he crossed his arms over his chest, “Well, I-- uh… I sort of included Y/N in my journal entry.” Denki couldn’t help the sound that erupted from his throat. “You what?!” His laughter echoed on the tile walls and Sero felt his cheeks grow hotter. “I know it was stupid okay? You don’t have to make fun of me.” Denki’s laughter immediately stopped, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”

“Honestly, I think it’ll be okay. The worst that could happen is you never speak again right?” Sero fixed him with a dark look. Denki put his hands up defensively, “Sorry, I’m not the best at making people feel better.”

The minutes ticked by during training, your class would be here soon to take over the gym and he could feel his stress levels rise from the very thought of it. Your voice echoed from the doorway, saying his name, and he would have run for Denki and Kirishima not held him in place.

Your cheeks were on fire as you made your way over to the dark-haired boy. “Hey, Sero, can we... talk?”

He swallowed thickly, “Uh, yeah sure. Let me grab my bag.” He darted over to the corner to grab his things and walked outside with you. “So, what’s up?” He asked, kicking himself for the question as soon as it left his mouth. You knelt down to rummage through your bag and pulled out a familiar-looking notebook. He did the same, and you traded notebooks without a word. He began to leave but your voice stopped him.

“Sero?” He stopped in his tracks, heart pounding in his ears. “Yeah?”

You bit your lip, “About your journal entry… I’m flattered but--” Ah, there it was, the dreaded but. “There’s no need to finish,” He stopped you, a sad smile on his face, “I know you don’t feel the same way.” You gave him a look and he blinked, confused.

“I was going to say, before you interrupted me, that I’m flattered but I don’t know what I want for the future yet. But that doesn’t mean I don’t know what I want for next Saturday.”

“Oh really?”Now he was even more confused, what was that supposed to mean? “What do you want Saturday?” You smiled, and it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. “For you to pick me up from the dorm at 7 PM sharp and take me out for dinner.” His eyes widened as the realization set in, and he settled into a comfortable smile. “Perfect, I can’t wait!”

His friends came tumbling out of the gym onto the ground in front of you as you tugged the door open to rejoin your class. You and Sero burst out laughing, a mixture of embarrassment and humor. As his friends teased him about this new development, Sero could have sworn he heard Bakugo say, “All according to plan.”

[shiroekoyuki]

☕️ Miwa 🤗💛

*Breathes in*

b O I

Where do I begin

Let's get the obvious out of the way. I think he's an underrated sweetheart who's clearly best boi.

He's always watching. Always watching his friends get stronger together. Always making sure his friends are okay, and always seeing if there's anyone who needs help or some company. He's also Kai's translator. Kai is a kind and caring person, who hides them all behind a stoic and fierce front. Miwa knows it, and he loves (be it romantically or not) and supports him. Miwa is the bestest friend anyone can ever hope to have. He'll go above and beyond for you. He'd sacrifice himself for you. He will do all that he can to prevent a friend from going into the bad side, and if he failed, he'd join them to make them feel less alone. He's kind, loyal, cheerful, funny, energetic, selfless, helpful, caring, understanding, super protective (especially over Kai), and he deserves to have a friend like himself. I have no idea how he doesn't have anyone to date him yet. Like, sure, he simps over pretty girls, but everyone has flaws. He's not completely flawless, and that's fine. Heck, so what if he simps over pretty girls and tries to hit on them? He tried to hit on Asaka in the reboot, but the second he realised she was from Team Asteroids, the team Miwa is trying to protect Kai from, his attitude towards her did a whole 180. So it's not like he blindly goes for anyone who's pretty. He is a strong player, and just because he doesn't enter tournaments doesn't mean you should underestimate him. He can and will destroy you with a cheeky and proud grin.

He is seriously an amazing and extremely loveable character with so much potential, but he doesn't get the amount of attention he deserves. I love him the way he is, and I never want him to change. I don't expect him to be joining tournaments, or be some kind of world renowned player. I love how he's just that one amazing character who simply enjoys watching his friends get stronger and be happy for them from the sidelines. I just wish there was more screen time of him, you know? I love him so much, he deserves the whole universe and more. He's a sweetheart who loves his friends so much, but we know so little about him. The series don't tell us anything about him. Like, y'all who only watched the anime, do you guys know that Miwa canonically has an older sister? Yeah, I was surprised when I found that out too. It was never mentioned at all, only in the manga. We never even get to see her. We don't know Miwa's home situation, we know close to nothing besides his wonderful personality. I mean, yeah, we get to use our imagination to come up with tons of headcanons for him, but I still wish I could know some more canon things about him, you know? I'm glad the reboot is giving him more screen time. It's exactly what he deserves.

And Kagerou will always be Miwa's deck for me. The idea of Miwa using the same deck as Kai melts my heart. Miwa and Kai has such a deep bond, and both of them used the same deck. Miwa used Kagerou to try and save Kai from the Reverse, and it was such a beautiful and memorable moment. He used Kai's old clan to remind the latter why he played and loved Vanguard in the first place. Kai even said Miwa mastered Kagerou. That whole battle of Miwa Vs Reverse!Kai was one of the best and most heartfelt fights, in my opinion.

And I really can't stress enough how much of a good and loyal friend Miwa is. Reboot Miwa carried Kai miles upon miles from Card Capital to the Tatsunagi Corp, and when he knew Kai was going to do something dangerous, he would follow him (and kick down doors for him). He tried to protect Kai from Team Asteroid by battling Asaka with the VF gloves. When he met Kai after years of not meeting him, he felt guilty. All because he could see that Kai was suffering, but he didn't know why and he couldn't help. And from then on, he swore to never, ever leave Kai's side.

In Vanguard Koshien, he was ready to fight Morikawa so that Kai could have a battle against Aichi.

In Vanguard Gaiden IF, he stated that all he wanted was to protect Kai's smile. The original Miwa and the distorted Miwa were the exact same, they just wanted to protect Kai. That's why he joined SK4, and that's also why he betrayed SK4. Unlike the rest of the 4 knights, his priority was never Aichi. It has been, and always will be, Kai Toshiki. He even rushed right in front of Kai so that Ibuki would Delete him instead of Kai.

Similarly, in the OG series, this guy would go to the underground, a place full of people he's terrified of, in an attempt to protect Kai. Even after he was Reversed by Kai, his loyalty and love towards him never once faltered. Instead, he became even more loyal, supportive and protective of Kai. The only thing in his mind was to keep Kai company, help Kai reach his goal, and that whatever Kai wants, Kai gets. He'll get rid of anyone and anything in his way. The moment he realised he was going to be UnReversed, the very first thought he had was how Kai was going to be all alone again. He's literally so selfless, it's almost worrying sometimes.

In Legion Mate, besides his genuine care for Aichi, of course, he wanted to get Aichi back because he knows how big of an impact that blueberry had on Kai. He appreciates Aichi for being able to change Kai, and how he encouraged Kai to become more open. To smile more, to rely on people more, and to genuinely love Vanguard again. He probably sees it as something he wasn't able to help Kai achieve, so he wants Aichi back because he didn't want Kai to revert back into his old self.

I know I've been talking about Kai and Miwa's relationship a whole lot, (and honestly, I can still go on forever about these two, like how Miwa is still scared that Kai would suddenly leave him again one day, like he did in the past), but make no mistake. Kai isn't the only person Miwa cares for. Sure, he's Miwa's closest friend, but Miwa has other friends and he loves and cares for all of them too. He's always cheering Aichi up whenever the latter was down, he would ask to tend the shop for Misaki so that she could have a cardfight with her friends (because he could tell she wanted to, she just couldn't. He knows, because he's always watching over his friends), he worked part-time in the shop for them while they went on the Asia Circuit, and in Vanguard Zero, he planned a whole hot spring training camp for them, and even chaperoned it in Shin's place. When Jun felt out of place in Card Capital, Miwa told him that he fit in just fine. Jun, someone who held him hostage to lure Kai to the underground. He was nice to Jun and tried to make him feel comfortable. In Vanguard G, when Kamui was feeling down because Emi was so dense towards his feelings, Miwa offered to buy Kamui dinner. In Vanguard Gaiden IF, when everyone was worried about whether or not they could defeat Ibuki, he acted as their ray of sunshine, and told them that they'll definitely work something out together. He loves and cares for all of his friends. He's a whole sweetheart and a half, and I just love love love him so much.

EDIT: this post is important

Thank you so so so much for this ask!!! I love talking about Miwa!!!

[sagamemes]

disastrio’s 'the pin list’ text starters.   below and under the cut, you can find ~100 messages dug up from the pins of the cursed group chat of three international friends. slightly edited for roleplay purposes. spelling errors opted to keep in tact to maintain the Energy(tm). edit as you please. tw: nsfw, mention of abuse.

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   u should know by now i'm not as much a complete person as i am several sitcom tropes stacked in an anxiety blanket

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   things that should not be present in making spaghetti and meatballs: sparks   [ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   things that were present when i was making spaghetti and meatballs two minutes ago: sparks

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   give it a good deep fry and it'll make reddit front page

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   you piece of fuck

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i'm not making this up it's a real post

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i just really don't like the look of american hollywood boys apparently

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   quit trying to post porn [name]

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   what's deeper than emotional? are you going to /fuck/ the house?

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i genuinely don't know what i expected googling that thing but that was not it

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i legitimately don't know how you're expecting me to reply to this

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i'm setting up my bfu episode

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   u might finally be free of "[full name] fucks."

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   plural of jerry's is jerry'ses

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   you're sharing so there's a trail in case someone ( maybe yourself ) goes missing when ur backs are turned

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i have yet to whip out dicks young lady

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   lizard brayo

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   fuck the fuck off tunglr

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   what are Christmas goblins if not depression goblins with prettier aesthetics

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   we're just two bitches trying to watch [actor] and then go to bed

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   maybe complaining is what gets it off.

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   well yeah, it's hard to knock on a door that doesn't exist

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   murdered by demons is our go-to

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   we sound like the casting calls for the leads of the same gay cowboy movie

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   any blanket is a weighted blanket when u carry the weight of ur sins

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   We have some Amazing 🌈Bottoms🌈

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   [name] i am confiscating ur thumbstacks

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   YOUR HUBRIS BECAME YOUR DOWNFALL

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   what can i say i'm a sexual deviant and i can't be stopped

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   the stars neglected me. they haven't assigned me a fetish

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i'm pretty sure 'you are going to be the death of me' was like. the disclaimer of this entire squad

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   swipe right if you dare!

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   but it tracks for the pachycephalosaurus

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   I SWEAR TO JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   this chat is going to give me an aneurysm

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   "fully automated luxury gay space communism" is the best tag i've ever seen

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   why don't you have a stockpile of mothman memes

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i really do owe my life to the aesthetic

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   u coax the worst things out of my mouth and then [screenshot/save/pin] them to record my mistakes

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   ur not allowed to die its just the rules

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   you two are going to be the death of me

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   why are you paying for microsoft office in 2019

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   it's nearly [zodiac] season, bitches

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i see your "will make content for rarepairs" and i raise you "will make content for pairs literally no one has ever considered and probably for a good reason"

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i was DOOMED and thus so are all of u

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i am going to snap your fingernails vertically in half

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   own that garbage

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   oh fuck that suck

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   we were building a desert set which was less exciting and more construct-y but it did lead to the following conversation:   [ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   guy walking in: chickenwire, huh. what's gonna come out of that?   [ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   me: quicksand

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   viva la resistance motherfuckers

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   well the ass and the face are the most disturbing part

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   it was still very much about the shape of his teeth

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   a real whoosy boi

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   if i suffer y'all suffer that's the rules

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   also icb ur liveblogging your crime

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   granted i do still want the [body part(s)] to be attached to the person and not just laying around somewhere

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i'm gonna go with "have repressed all memories of this by tomorrow and even looking at this conversation for context isn't going to provide us with information"

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   ... Well if u ever commit a crime and need to change ur hair ur all set

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   oh god i'd completely forgotten about the teeth conversation

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   something about that ass Haunts me

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   [name]'s teeth are,,,,,,, h*t

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   ur not late, any time is a good time to hate capitalism

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   oh shit [name]s pulling out the big guns

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   listen as far as the things you could come back to go i think this is a good one

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   Amateur theatre energy is alarmingly similar to redneck ingenuity energy

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   threat acknowledged

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i take it back i don't want any more information

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   what do we say to the god of baby germs

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   and then Goth happened

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   turn everything into a photishooot

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   but u also would have got pictures of me depositing the tiger in the cow shed

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i feel like you constantly forget that i'm always full of Good Points

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   you want to punish urself by seeking unhealthy relationships. also the stars say u may want to have ur feet fucked

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   "white orc sex slave" is not a phrase i thought i'd hear today

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   yeah raw sexual energy

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   [name] perks up at the mention of lying to the fbi lmao

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   yall are dumb and i love u

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   HOW CRYPTID IS THE COWBOY IF U CAN TELL HE'S INDIFFERENT

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   [image file saying 'mothman respects your position but must express his dissent. also you're going to die.]

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   ...do i need to make the vampire joke

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   ur amazing and so good and so important and lowkey i'm crying abt how much i love u and u deserve every good thing i love u thanks for coming to my ted talk

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   look me in the eyes and tell me steve wouldn't crawl up thanos's butthole to save the world and get bucky back

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   [name] i am going to choke you

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   my brain was immediately with "she took the shirt off to wipe away the blood of someone, possibly someone she murdered, and then had to put the shirt back on

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇��� ]   i literally never know what i'm going to come back to when i open this chat

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i make no excuses for who i am as a person

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i am going to jump off the edge of the earth.   [ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   and that's not me saying flat earthers are right that's me saying i will flatten it myself and then jump off

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i'm trying to show sympathy you fuck

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   what can i say, i'm an escapist bitch

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i never want to see dick and clown in the same sentence ever again

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   oh fuck off. i don't know what they've done but it's [name] so it's gonna be bad.

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   icb we have a test run on new year's eve

[alyseofwonderland]

Alyse Reads The Goldfinch, Part 2

What follows is my best attempt at liveblogging. I had the books as an audiobook in hopes that I could keep it from taking even more of my life from me. This was perhaps a mistake. I think I broke Siri trying to make notes. The notes that are rambly are the ones I dictated.

I entirely blame @rollono​ for my suffering. But I am also aware that it seems to give her joy. 

Every time I reference Tara, I am talking about @wellntruly​ who’s own live blog of the book was the only roadmap I had to follow in this waterlogged wasteland of a novel.

Part 1

I thought Tara was making up the Camel-hair coat bit but APPARENTLY NOT.

Architecture has that much to do with the city and or northern Europe, really? I mean, “whitewash” doesn't everybody do that?

Nina ( @proud-librarian​ ) is going to have a lot to say about their descriptions of the Netherlands and Amsterdam in this book. like oh my God!

Theo Deckard doesn't understand how thermostats work.

This isn't satire? I don't understand we're like three minutes in and it has to be satire. right. right?

Who the hell says my mother and I didn't like my father much? like what.... what is this? what am I reading? what is happening? what.... I don't understand.... okay maybe fine whatever

This feels like it should be... I don't know.... satire is the word I'm looking for again. I don't want to just repeat what Tara, said but Jesus. the start of the story is he is rich enough to have a Doorman but not rich enough to afford the fancy private school, and him and his friends break into vacation homes in the Hamptons. what is this? what is this? I just... just.... just write a Jane Austen or Lord Byron novel if that's what you want to do just do that. do that.

My audiobook app just turned itself off in the middle of a passage because it decided I didn't need to listen to Theo talk about whatever he was talking about.

Curse you, Donna Tartt, for also being in the "all things coconut smell like suntan lotion" club. I did not want to have this in common with you.

I am laughing so hard it turns silent into my steering wheel because the audiobook reader makes Tom Cable sound like a surfer dude from the 70s,  and I. cannot. handle. that.

"I like to think of myself as a perceptive person" is basically the way that I know that Theo has about Harry Potter level skills of observation when it comes to the people around him.

Y'all this book would be so much better if Theo actually thought like a 13-year-old that he is supposed to be in the intro part. That would just be peak comedy, which is really what I'm looking for.

Audrey Decker and the Laura Moon from American gods are now the two people that I have ever known to call men "puppy" which I still find alarming, in both cases. Surprisingly they also both die, so I guess more things they have in common.

The longer this book goes on the more clear it is that I am not bougie enough for its contents. ( timestamp 30 minutes)

(GIF BY @rollono​ BY MY REQUEST FOR EVERY TIME THIS BOOK MAKES ME FEEL POOR)

I just can't suspend my disbelief enough to think that a 13-year-old would know this much about their parent's job and be able to ask questions. I'm trying to think of what my dad was doing when I was 13, and I mean I know where he worked, and I know who his boss was, but if you tried to ask me daily issues or me giving advice... oh my gosh. I just can't. nobody talks like this.

I’m making a face akin to Kermit the frog. 

I threw up in my mouth a little at the description of Pippa walking past in the museum.

Did we just describe a 12-year-old girl's arms as marble? is that what just happened? did I just have to listen to that?

Theo has given me a lot of like “Golden State killer” vibes right now with his desire to poke around through all these people's homes and stuff. like this is clearly the Visalia ransacker's motivation in the 70s. I know too much about true crime, that's what's happening right now.

The true-crime serial killer alarms keep going off in my brain.

I know Tara already mentioned how ridiculous the Murphys bed story is but it really is incredibly ridiculous and breaks the tension of the entire scene that is occurring at the time (laughed uncontrollably to the point that Siri typed nonsense)

I get it, Donna, you know things. You do not have list every fire truck to prove it.

Let's take a child to a dinner at 3 am. Really Donna?

Why does Donna insist on giving me the text of signs around whats going on? Why did I just listen to the smoothie specials while an emotional scene is occurring?

Donna, did you just call Mrs. Barough a weasel?  [afronted gasp]

OI!  (me shouting when Donna says that Andy was weird for being lactose intolerant.)

Pukes in my mouth a little at the term 'high verbal'. I get it, Donna, you think you are smarter than all of us stop being a dick.

Donna Tartt would make it to r/iamverysmart in like a minute if she understood how the internet worked.

WHO TAUGHT HER ABOUT FMA?

Okay, so either Donna Tartt knows someone who lost a parent and basing this off them or like went through it herself because I am white-knuckling through the grief bits trying not to have my own trauma response to the situation. Or she wrote Theo with like the exact grief I had. Her incessant need to list things in a room is the only thing between me and a spiral of remembering my dad's death.

ANDY IS A RAY OF LIGHT AND DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE IN THIS FAMILY OR IN THIS BOOK!

Five whole hours before the first sight of Hobie. Like Jesus.

I miss Terry Pratchett.

Hobie thank you for making this book interesting again.

Hobie is now my main squeeze and I won't hear a word against him.

POE DIDN'T INVENT SCIENCE FICTION FUCKING MARY SHELLY DID. DONNA WHAT THE FUCK.

The Hobie part of the story just makes me more sure that a version of the movie should have been without the Baroughers (sp?) and only included Hobie and Pippa.

Any is a murderino. I love this baby boy.

Aw, I love Hobie so so much.

Donna if you call Andy annoying one more time you are gonna catch my hands. (She just referred to his voice as annoying twice in a conversation and I swear to god I will rip this character out of her snobbish clutches she doesn't deserve him.)

Theo on this we agree, I too enjoy Hobie.

Hobie is the only person who belongs in this novel and he's a god damn delight.

SEVEN HOURS AND THE PAINTING HAS COME UP AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LITERAL HOURS.

Theo straight up using Spanish to fuck over his father is just *chef's kiss.

I can see how much contempt Donna has for Xandra is longer and deeper than this book will ever be.

I am going to suplex Larry Decker I swear to god. (i have a very particular trigger to spouses bad-mouthing the dead one due to personal experience.)

Necco wafers are no one's favorite candy Donna. You can't just say shit like that and expect anyone to believe you.

I have just realized that Donna Tartt has never been to a public library. How do I know? Witchcraft books are never on the shelves. Ask any librarian. They are stolen pretty much the moment we buy them.

I am standing dead in the tea aisle at the store because Theo just thought it would be “gay” to tell the doormen he has known almost his whole life he is gonna miss them.  (hours later I realize this is her backtracking in edits going "shit shit shit I have to add the repression in somewhere for those dumb readers that don't understand art" and I hate it more.)

Mrs. B is ready to physically fight Larry and I would pay real money to see it.

WHY DOES DONNA KNOW ABOUT DRAGON BALL Z?!? Step away from the things I love Donna I don't trust you near my media. (Also why she does reference it she clearly has NO concept of what DBZ hair would even look like to expect me to believe any child could achieve it.)

oh my god, Boris. I'm so happy to see you.

I am happy to report the audiobook narrator does not do an Australian accent for Boris. Thank the lord.

I knew I was going to love Boris but like a few minutes in I adore him.

It's interesting to me that Theo and Boris seem to have received similar amounts of attention/affection from non-parent adults, but while Theo finds it uncomfortable Boris soaks it in.

The Australian part of Boris's accent seems impossible.

*sobbing audibly into my keyboard* Popchyck

Boris you sweet like socialist.

Comrade Boris we need you in this election.

I'm sad he (Boris) doesn't get to go to college and like piss off every yuppie and hippie, and just make Philosophy 100 and Government 250 absolute hell for everyone.

Drunk Boris at Thanksgiving is a gift.

Me listening to this book before Boris: half paying attention, fucking around on my computer, doing chores. Me after Boris shows up: staring at the middle distance determined to listen to every fucking word because this prison sentence of a novel is finally interesting.

James: you said the author is a snob and you aren't enjoying the main character.  Me: yeah James: then stop reading it. Me: No, then Donna and her Anna Wintour knock off hair cut will win. James, frowning and backing out of the room: k sweetie.

6:30 am is too early to hear Theo Decker describe his bed as "our bed"

I WAS RIGHT. Boris belongs in college making every American white kid absolutely furious in every Poli-sci.

Larry Decker calling Theo and Boris his "kids" made my heart skip a beat.

So the nurse notices they don't have vitamins and smell but doesn't call child services. I mean I know that I learned that school nurses are less likely to call CFS on white kids than they are on black kids but like god damn.

The sheer salt of Theo refusing to learn the name of Boris’s girlfriend is so hilarious.

Now *this* is gay.

The truth is Theo is ready to cut a bitch.

Fellas is it gay to do shots while your boyfriend talks about his girlfriend?

Theo trying to set up Boris with like a nice polite girl who won't fuck him is fucking hilarious. This poor baby gay.

Theo (and Donna cuz she writes him) have never heard of learning disabilities and I will legit throw down.

LARRY IS A SCORPIO IN CANON?! I thought that was something from the fan fics. omg Ally hates this.

No one wears white sport coats Donna stop trying to make it happen.

Boris totally knows what's going on with Larry and he's just trying to look out for Theo because he loves Theo but oh my gosh Boris why do you make me feel so many feelings!

Please, Donna, I am begging you to stop telling me what the light from the sun looks like at different times of the day. I just can't take it anymore. Every scene of Theo in Xandra's house does not need the qualifier of what type of sunlight he is seeing. Some times fine. But every time?

My entire stomach just dropped when I realized what Boris has done, and I'm just I'm so sad. this is not how I wanna start my commute to work today.

I have just had my first moments of being very proud of Donna's writing, because long long time ago, in the same chapter, she had the bit about how Xandra will say "apparently" when she's being bitchy with Theo and now in a conversation where Theo isn't paying attention to her she says "apparently" to Larry and I just had to stop and say this, this is the writing I'm looking for Donna. This is clever and interesting and I LIKED IT. Stop making lists and do more of this.

Friendship ended with Book Boris, Movie Boris is my best friend now.

I don't understand how the director and the screenwriter of the film could move who said those lines and then not make it gay. Like, commit to your choice.

My mom: You finish that book yet? Me, angrily: No. My mom slightly worried: do you like it? Me: unclear.

NEW CHAPTER!

Theo, I need you calm all the way down when you are looking at Pippa.

Love this lawyer. I want to be his friend.

God poor Pippa. All the shit she goes through and she still has to put up with Theo's weird obsession.

Theo, you slid right back into the serial killer habits in a second and I want you to stop it.

Oh god, I feel that in my soul. Like "no sir you have it wrong I look more like the parent I like best." (also I do look more like my dad. like way more like him)

I am begging someone to get Theo some kind of hobby or help or something so he stops acting like a victorian ghost.

I am gonna have to get the actual book so I can see what weird spelling is going on with the text messages. I just know its weird. The narrator does it in such a weird voice.

We spent so much time dealing with emotional issues and other whatnot that going back to the bit about the painting feels like a huge tonal shift in the book. I'm like staggering around confused.

Literally no one uses strawberry shampoo.

Love that Theo ‘s final plan is the one Andy purposed an eon ago.

Salty that Theo is getting the cool college experience that Boris would have crushed.  I would have paid good money to watch him make the philosophy department cry.

[kermit in the car gif]

Yo! Theo struggling to deal with school is like exactly my semester after my dad died.  

The adults attempting to force him into different living arrangements is so what we dealt with post my dad’s death.

Grisha! (Russians the only people I trust atm)

Tara was right, Andy's death comes off like a joke!

I gotta say, Crime Theo is my favorite Theo so far.

I don't know which serial killer Donna was channeling to write the parts about Theo being obsessed with Pippa, but it is just so intensely a serial killer vibe I cannot even begin to describe the look on my face; the feelings I'm having. I'm just like this man is going to kill someone. he's going to kill a lot of people. not only that it's going to be a lot of women because he doesn't view them as people. that's what I'm getting from this it's. Theo doesn't think women are people.

If Theo was on reddit he would be part of r/niceguys and r/iamverysmart.

If I have to listen to him drone on about his fantasies of Pippa for one more minute I will kill myself in the baking aisle of Aldis.

HES HOARDING HER HAIR?! HER UNWASHED CLOTHES?!? Please someone put him in jail.

[the sound of me throwing up in the frozen food section as Theo describes Kitsey]

Donna don’t try to act like you didn’t add that foreshadowing yourself about Andy. You crack me up you relentlessly snob.

How is Theo just The Worst all the time?

Theo freaking out because two gay guys know what’s up with him is just *chef’s kiss

Me having seen only the movie: Theo and Boris should get redemption and a romance run away. Me now: [ gif of “Ive had enough of this guy” from IASIP]

I mean I understand that John Crawley was a coward in so many of his directorial choices, but the fact that he didn't put the second meeting of Theo and this Lucius guy into a crowded weird restaurant where they're both getting hit by the waiters as they go past is just the weakest move you could've made. because this makes it so much funnier.

I'm with Hobie.

honestly this book should've just been 20 hours of art crime and like to shave off a good 10 hours of LISTS because that's what 10 hours is. give me 20 hours of art crime. I would love to watch each sale happen that would've been riveting to read but instead.... this.

Bish, you like those earrings or I will cut you.

Theo salty, while Kitsey picks out new china, is so fucking hilarious.

him just like "why are we buying new plates when my job is literally to find plates that were made by craftsmen?!?!” but being too fucking repressed in his bullshit to say anything, so he just making some poor sales lady suffer.

my friend Ally: “Theo’s repression makes everyone suffer is a good summary of the book.”

Alternative version of this book that would have been 8 million times better: Theo gets into art crimes but is also a serial killer. We don't know the second bit but it begins to start dawning on us as women seem to disappear from his social circles and weird hints of thoughts about blood and rivers.  Bonus points if it ends with him on the run from the law with his only vaguely criminal (by comparison to serial killer Theo) boyfriend. We are left to wonder if they will be gunned down in the chase or if perhaps there will be one more body to great the river.

Theo's textbook serial killer nonsense is only comparable to the sheer petty gay energy he gives off.

The power trip he gets from being like "hahaha yes I have bagged the ice princess who wanted nothing to do with me when we were kids" is just so gross and hilarious.

Theo realizing he is not the only sociopath in the room is just *chef's kiss.

Boris, did you really send some guy to just watch your ex?

Boris, I am begging you. You have made Grisha so upset.

Donna shying away from describing Boris comes off, if you don't know who we are talking about, as weird and slightly racist.

You have the internet Theo, you can look up when movies are going to start. You are not living on the moors.

HOW IS THIS BOOK NOT A SATIRE OF AMERICAN PYSCHO FOR PEOPLE THAT HAVE BONERS FOR ANTIQUES?!?

Boris returns. I have almost forgiven him for what he put me through.

Maybe "fuck you" can be our always.

*tries not to cry when I realize that Boris' friends have heard about Theo

bless Aneurin for everything he did for this reunion in the movie.

Why is Boris such a slut? Why will I forgive him for anything?

Is it gay to think about the guy you used to jack off as handsome when you meet each other again?

Genetics means those kids can't be Boris' unless his mother was blonde. (Theo kind of agrees.)

My soul has left my body at the concept of Boris having a wife and kids.

I'm not saying I endorse crime, I'm just saying a mobster front with a pun in the name is really on-brand for me.

Knowing what I Know. That Boris thinks Theo is gonna try to kill him when they go for the "surprise" just makes the whole thing so tragic and sad.

Boris and his dog REUNITED AT LAST. I'm not crying. I'm fine.

Interesting that the next story we hear is about Gyuri's dead "brother" right after Boris says that Theo is "blood of his heart, his brother". Like. I might not be the biggest history buff in the world but I know gay code when I see it.

I mean I knew this was gonna happen, but I can't help but feel personally betrayed by Boris once again.

Donna, stay away from stuff about computers. Your attempts to use them make me, a technology expert, cringe.

Boris like "you don't deserve this dog. I deserve this dog."

"Babe I get that you are a WASP at heart but I need you to fight with me like a Russian now." - Boris to his disaster husband

"Did I lie?" "YES" (me laughing so hard I'm practically crying)

why does no one in this book appear to exchange numbers or like airdrop contact info.

Does Donna think that people only have iPhones?

Ally who is CTRL F reading this book "'Every few hundred pages she's like 'oh yeah, it's modern times...they're texting and there's emojis!' Seriously, there was the mention of emoji's and my soul escaped my body for a minute because it had no tether to time or space" @aces-low​

Off the top of my head, the name that Donna is not saying for this Horace to guy is Volkswagen.

Instead of being in the mob Boris should run an animal shelter.

Boris being Bitchy and jelly when Theo is talking to the German guy is just so cute. You two deserve each other with your weird shit.

If Donna wasn't a coward this book would have had Theo just getting eyeballs deep in art crime with Boris and his associates.

Adding a sin for making me listen to whatever that just was.

Things Donna forgot to list in "girl food": chicken wings, bread, rolls, other types of bread, garlic bread, a bit more bread, maybe cookies, eight more cookies, 20 more cookies, every type of chocolate humanly imaginable, jam, and barbecue ribs.

What do ankles have to do with being attractive?!?!?! this isn't the Victorian age! 

(from Ally re this comment: “I'm now convinced that every day Donna sat down to write this book she spun a wheel with different years on it, and that's the year the book was set that day”)

I didn't mind Kitsey cheating on Theo, because he doesn't even really like her. Until just now, when I realized that Mrs. B knows about it and she's keeping it from Theo, and my heart broke into 1 trillion pieces. she is the closest thing he has to a mother and he realized that she kept it from him, and I should not be crying in my car before my special Valentine night dinner.

James just walked in during a part describing Pippa and goes "Men writing women, huh?" and I had to pause the book, turn to him and say "a woman wrote this" and he just looks at me like 0_0

Mrs. B clutching Theo's hand so he won't leave her alone with Smalltalk-old-man is honestly the cutest thing in this entire book.

Hobie being able to be spotted from a distance at all times! I have a friend who is 6'5" and we can find him in crowds so easily!

Perhaps the funniest moment of this book is Theo saying "if girls loved assholes then Pippa would love me". buddy I'm going to post this entire book to r/niceguys

I WANT MORE ART CRIME! Why did you make me listen to 15 hours of boring nonsense when we could have had ART CRIME!

I deeply enjoy Boris's commitment to being a dramatic goofball, falling to his knees just be annoying.

Movie Boris appears in a dramatic way. Book Boris is just like there and also shoving food in his face and walking out of the party still eating all the food he just put in his cheeks like a chipmunk.

Hobie just like "if you want to run off with your gay love i'll cover."

Theodor Decker you get back in there and make sure that thief stays away from Nicole Kidman she has been through enough already!

Theo, I know that you don't actually have brains for anything besides drugs, crimes, being weird about women, and your own ass, but you could at least listen when people speak.

Theo is such a mess. He doesn't belong in modern times. He deserves to be Jack the Ripper.

I know the narrator is saying croissant the "correct" way. But every single time it happens I'm so fucking confused because who just leans into a french accent that hard for a single word?

Theo offers an actual good idea that Boris is going to use later and they all look at him like he's crazy.

I know "my brand" is "man holding gun" but listening to Boris assemble a gun I'm like "oh goodness I need to lay down". *fans self

Theo suddenly "I have made a huge mistake"

It's interesting to me how reluctant Boris is to make Theo a larger part of the heist. Theo reads it as frustrating but I read it like a kind of care and affection. He doesn't want his friend mixed up in something he can't handle, despite the fact that he wants Theo close so he can get him the painting back.

I see now why the heist in the movie was so fucking confusing. You need the Horst stuff and like a bunch of other nonsense that does not translate well to screen unless you re-write all the connections, which John Crowley was not willing to do.

Really love the "women drop their mark the first time" bit.

me: Theo I swear to god stop being high and sick in your room and go get some actual clothes and medication or at least don't make me listen to so much of it

this book is not 30 hours long. its 15 hours of a book and 15 hours of Donna going "gotta get that word count up or people with think I'm weak". Please, Donna. I don't need to hear this one thing happen for so long. It adds nothing to the tone, the themes, the plot, or the ambiance. You are just writing words for words sake.

The first suicide note was so well crafted that I honestly want Theo to kill himself now. If he can manage to write the others pretty okay I will be happy with this ending.

Don’t think I didn’t notice that the ghost of a dead loved one appeared on Christmas Eve.

I'm sorry who doesn't respond to "didn't you get my text?" with "my phone was dead" instantly?

me listening to Theo throw a tantrum at Boris because neither of them is capable of explaining themselves and like speaking as normal humans do: "It would have been better if Theo died"

Why must I be forced to listen to Donna make these scenes longer because these people don't talk like people?

Thud by Terry Pratchett does a much much better job of asking the question "can we trust our hearts and be the person we want to be?" And it honestly gives a better answer. And has you know, clever writing.

I thought it was like Over. I did. I was like "oh this is it wrapping up" ONLY THERE IS 30 MORE MINUTES AND I WANT TO SCREAM!

Me certain the book is over: i mean maybe this is a good ending

Me seeing i still have 30 more minutes: this is the worst book ever

This book held me fucking captive for over a week and all it left me with was like a few good lines, burning hatred for the main character, and the desire to go into Donna's home and rearrange all her stuff. 

also, I now hate antiques. out of spite.

don't read The Goldfinch. it's not worth it y’all.    

[imnotinclinedtomaturity]

Love Yourself (Chapter 27)

title: Love Yourself summary: A lot of things about Dan’s life are pretty great. He gets to make the music he wants, he’s got a great fanbase, and his manager is his best friend. A few things about his life suck a bit more. He’s currently lacking inspiration, he’s rather lonely, and he’s stuck in a rut. Dan’s been going to the same coffee shop for years. It’s quiet, it’s quaint, it’s near his home. Most importantly: none of the employees give a shit that’s he a world-famous singer. Things change when he meets the new barista. chapter words: 8.8k story words: 219.6k (so far) chapter: 27/? rating: m warnings: language, alcohol, sex mentions, some bi/homophobia, eventual explicit smut, some depression genre: singer!dan, coffee shop au, barista!phil, slow burn [[ao3]] [[first chapter]] [[previous chapter]]

a/n: thank you to everyone for being the best audience i could hope for. i appreciate how patient y'all have been, how understanding you've been that i needed time time off because of Adulthood and Mental Health. i'm not feeling particularly articulate right now, but know that i love and appreciate you all. back to our regularly scheduled programming now! updates should come every 1.5 weeks-ish again :) also, a massive thanks to @auroraphilealis as always, not just for editing, but also for being a great best friend and a wonderful cheerleader. ily xx

Loud, persistent buzzing pulled Phil sharply from his sleep. It took a few sleepy seconds before he registered that the buzzing was his phone on his bedside table — and it was apparently ringing. Still half asleep, Phil waited until it stopped vibrating before reaching for it. It was too damn early to actually talk to anyone, but curiosity was still getting the best of him.

He pried an eye open and looked at the screen, instinctively flinching away from the bright light. Without his glasses, he was too blind to see who had called, but he could just barely make out the time — half past seven.

Nearly an hour before his alarm was due to go off.

That was nearly an hour of sleep that someone was trying to take from Phil. And after the whirlwind of last night’s date, Phil wanted nothing more than to sleep in. It wasn’t like Dan was here to give him a reason to get up.

With a stubborn, tired sigh, Phil rolled back into his pillow. Whoever had called could wait — at least until he was ready to get out of bed.

Just as he was drifting off again, though, his phone rang again. Grumbling, Phil pushed himself onto his elbows and held his phone close enough to his face that he could just barely make out PJ’s name.

PJ? Why was PJ calling him? PJ rarely called Phil. They skyped, sure, but those calls were usually scheduled and were always in the evening.

No, if PJ was caling at this hour, he must need something. And, unfortunately, Phil prided himself on being the Reliable Friend who always answered when his friends needed him.

Reluctantly, Phil swiped on PJ’s name, immediately putting the call on speaker so that he could fall back into his pillow.

“What the hell do you want, Peej?” Phil grumbled as soon as the phone call connected.

“Did I wake you up?”

“It’s not even eight in the morning,” Phil complained. “Of course you woke me up.”

“Mmm,” PJ hummed dismissively. “Are you with Dan?”

“No, I dropped him off after our date last night.” Phil stretched slightly, his hands reaching up under the pillow and hugging it closer to his face.

“Oh… have you, er, talked to him since?” PJ didn’t sound curious, and didn’t sound like he was trying to get information out of Phil about his date. PJ sounded… worried.

Growing concerned by PJ’s tone, Phil pushed himself back onto his elbows. “No, why? What happened?”

“I take it you haven’t been on the internet yet?”

“No. Get to the point, Peej,” Phil huffed impatiently.

“Dan — well, I thought maybe he’d’ve talked it over with you. I mean, twitter’s — fuck, how —“

“What the fuck happened?” Phil demanded, cutting off PJ’s rambling.

Even through the phone, and on speaker, Phil could hear PJ’s deep sigh, could feel his hesitation, before he finally spoke. “You need to look at Dan’s instagram. He sort of… made a big announcement in the dead of night.”

Phil felt a wave of dread wash over him. He certainly wasn’t sleepy anymore. A jumble of incoherent, panicked thoughts were battering at Phil’s brain, but he did his best to push them aside. Worrying wouldn’t do any good right now.

“Hang on, I’m pulling it up.”

Phil hit the home button on his phone with a bit more force than necessary, and was finally confronted with a frankly obscene amount of notifications given that he hadn’t done anything online since the day before yesterday, really. With a concerned huff, Phil swiped his glasses off his night table and shoved them onto his nose, the red dots on his iphone icons coming into focus.

Four hundred and twelve notifications from instagram.

One thousand, two hundred, and ninety from twitter.

Six emails in his work-only account.

And seven text messages.

Despite PJ’s urging to look at Dan’s instagram, Phil opened his messages first. There were three from PJ, which Phil ignored since Peej had clearly gotten ahold of him. Below PJ’s thread, there was a message from his mother and brother each. And finally below them were two messages from Dan.

The preview of their conversation showed that Dan’s most recent text — and we should probably talk — had come in at 3:34AM. That message alone made Phil’s heart pound against his chest.

“You there, mate?” PJ asked.

“Yeah,” Phil confirmed with a strangled gulp. “He texted me.”

“Oh?” PJ sounded interested.

Phil didn’t respond. He didn’t open the text. He didn’t breath. He didn’t do much of anything, really. He was frozen, trying to process what we should talk might mean, trying to convince himself it didn’t mean something horrible.

“Well?” PJ prompted when the silence drew on for too long. “What’d he say?”

“Right,” Phil mumbled as he forced himself to click on Dan’s message, to see what his previous message said. To see if it could make sense of whatever the fuck seemed to be happening this morning.

Phil’s eyes skimmed over his own four messages — he’d somehow blocked out the fact that he’d quadruple-texted Dan last night — before reading what Dan had said.

Dan [3:31 AM]: before you look at your twitter and instagram and whatever notifications, you should probably look at my instagram

Dan [3:34AM]: and we should probably talk

Together, the two messages did absolutely nothing to quell Phil’s anxiety. In fact, Phil’s heart was just thumping louder and more aggressively.

“He just said to look at his instagram.” Phil swallowed roughly. “And that we should talk.”

A quiet hum was PJ’s only response — another thing that didn’t help to calm the panic in Phil’s veins. Phil didn’t like the thoughts racing around his head, didn’t like that the first place his mind had gone was Isabella — and Dan getting back together with her.

Not that Phil really thought that was a risk, but still. The insecure part of his brain liked to remind him that Dan’s last partner had been a model, even if she was a bitch.

With a steeling breath, Phil tapped on the instagram icon.

It seemed to take a million and one years for the app to load, and when it finally did, it opened to a picture his brother had posted of his girlfriend.

Not helpful.

Not wanting to waste time scrolling through his feed, Phil tapped the magnifying glass. Dan’s name was at the top of his recent searches, a small “one new post” written below his username.

Quickly, but shaking with apprehension, Phil clicked on Dan’s profile.

It seemed to take forever for the page to load, but when it did, the first thing Phil saw was a picture of Dan’s scribbly handwriting, made all the more difficult to read by messy highlighting.

For a second, Phil was annoyed at the highlights, frustrated that Dan had obscured his writing even further than his nearly-illegible handwriting. But then the colors of the highlights sunk in — pink, purple, blue.

They were the bi-pride colors.

Phil knew, obviously, and he was certain Dan’s audience would know that, too.

By this point, Phil knew Dan well enough to know that Dan didn’t do anything unintentionally. Not in his music, not on social media, and not in real life. If he’d gone out of his way to highlight whatever he’d written and posted — well, the colors of the highlights were deliberate.

Phil bypassed the words in the picture and flickered down to the caption, hoping for a quick and easy explanation.

the majority of this album is being written thanks to one person. this is the song that started the whole concept of this album and i think it deserves a bit of an update after he took me out on the best first date of my life tonight. he might not have agreed with the timing of when i decided to rewrite it, though ;) xx

“Oh shit,” Phil muttered, dumbfounded, when the gravity of Dan’s caption finally sunk in.

“Yeah…” PJ murmured, his voice carefully neutral.

Phil glanced back up to the picture and scanned over Dan’s messy handwriting as fast as he could. From what Phil could tell, it looked like it was, well, about him. If the caption didn’t convince him, the let’s stop running from love and the fact that Dan confessed to rewriting something because of Phil last night…

“He came out,” Phil mumbled, unnecessarily pointing out the obvious.

“And took you with him, mate,” PJ grumbled.

Phil cocked his head to the side, his brows furrowing as he read and reread Dan’s post, trying to pinpoint what PJ was referencing. Nowhere did it mention his name or even anything identifying. The most telling piece of information was the he — but that pronoun could apply to a large portion of the world.

“How do’ya figure?” Phil asked.

“Mate, you and Dan haven’t been very subtle. Look at twitter.”

Even without opening twitter, Phil knew what PJ meant. Him and Dan had been, well, flirting for weeks now. There really wasn’t any other way to describe their online banter.

But upon skimming through his twitter notifications, Phil realized just how confident their audience was as they jumped to the albeit somewhat obvious conclusion.

Tweet after tweet had responded to Dan’s instagram post, all tagging Phil, all speculating on exactly who the he in Dan’s post could be.

And every tweet Phil saw guessed it was him.

And every tweet Phil saw was right.

“They all know anyway,” Phil mumbled flatly. He was supposed to be feeling something right now — surely he was. His boyfriend had just come out, his entire audience was — correctly — guessing that he was in a relationship with a famous singer, his own mum had probably texted him about it. And yet, Phil couldn’t wrap his mind around what he was feeling.

He just felt… surprised.

“Yeah. Are you okay with that?” PJ asked gently.

“I…” Phil tried to process all of the new new new as fast as he could. “I guess it was never that secret that I liked guys. I mean, how many times have I mentioned finding male celebrities attractive?”

“That’s true,” PJ agreed. “But I also know that hinting and confirming are two different things.”

“I mean… yeah,” Phil finally relented.

“But you didn’t know Dan was going to do this?”

“No…” Phil chewed on the inside of his cheek as he thought through all of the conversations him and Dan had had about their public image. “He made it sound like he didn’t want to come out at all.”

“What changed?”

“I don’t know,” Phil responded tersely.

He should know.

“Do you think he wants people to know that you’re the guy?” PJ pushed.

“I don’t know!” Phil snapped

He really should know.

There was a beat of silence on the other end of the line.“Sorry,” PJ muttered, clearing his voice before he spoke again. “What do you want?”

“I… don’t know,” Phil finished lamely.

Turns out he didn’t know much of anything.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” PJ offered softly.

“I…” Phil tried to think about it, he really did, but his mind kept coming back to why why why. At the end of their date, Dan had pulled Phil into the bloody loo to kiss goodnight, presumably because Dan hadn’t wanted the waitstaff to see, and then just a few hours later, Dan had gone and done that. “I need to talk to Dan. To know what the fuck happened.”

“That’s fair,” PJ agreed. “Can I do anything to help?”

“No, I’m just… gonna call him.” Phil pushed his glasses onto his head and roughly rubbed his face — an attempt to both wake up and alleviate some stress. “Thanks for letting me know.”

“Ring if you need me, okay? And let me know how it goes.”

“I will. I’ll text you later,” Phil promised. “Bye Peej.”

Needing to cancel his ten o’clock meeting with his manager, Phil opened his work email to send off some excuse, only to find that Marianne had already emailed him. Along with three people from the BBC. And every single subject line contained the name Daniel Howell.

How the hell had all of these people been up and about and reacting to social media already?

Phil ignored the multiple emails from the BBC, but opened the one from Marianne. He skimmed through the message, where she basically just pointed out what he already knew — that his audience had drawn some pretty big conclusions based on something Dan had posted. At the end of her email, she suggested they “review possible responses” during their meeting that morning.

Not fucking likely, Phil scoffed.

Quickly, Phil typed out the most adult version of sorry for the late notice, but I need to cancel our meeting because my brand-new boyfriend went off the walls in the middle of the night and I have no idea what’s happening. He didn’t bother to read it over again — now wasn’t the moment for proofreading — and immediately dialed Dan as soon as the email was sent.

The phone didn’t ring though, and instead went straight to voicemail. “Dammit Dan,” Phil mumbled in aggravation, hanging up before Dan’s voicemail could start recording.

Chewing on his lower lip, Phil thought through his options. If Dan’s phone was off, then no amount of texting or calling or facetiming would do any good. It was frustrating to have no way to contact Dan after he’d dropped such a massive bomb.

Except, well, that wasn’t quite true, was it?

Dan had put Phil on his permanent visitors list, so theoretically Phil could just… show up. Which might be a bit of a rash move but…

But nothing.

Phil was confused and caught off guard and felt like he deserved an explanation. Despite the early hour, Phil threw off his blue and green check comforter and pushed himself out of bed with steadfast resolution.

He wanted an explanation and, goddammit he’d get an explanation.

On shaky, tired feet, Phil riffled through his drawers for suitable trousers while kicking off his emoji pajamas. No human being — especially not his fashiony, hot new boyfriend — needed to see him in those. The first somewhat acceptable option Phil’s hand landed on were a pair of rather tight joggers, but he couldn’t be arsed to care at that moment. They’d have to do.

He kicked all the way out of his embarrassing, yellow pajamas and pulled on the tight sweatpants in their place. His loose Friends shirt would have to do, because he didn’t feel like wasting the time to find a suitable replacement, and it wasn’t that awful of a shirt.

Phil’s hair was probably a right mess too, but he couldn’t be bothered to deal with that either at the moment. All in all, this was definitely the least effort he’d ever put into his appearance when he knew he was going to see Dan, but he was growing impatient. Doing anything other than pulling on a jacket and shoes felt like it would waste too much time.

Even the three minute wait for the uber felt like too much time, and Phil had to refrain from just starting to walk over when he got downstairs and the car wasn’t there yet. But the car arrived before Phil could do anything rash, and Phil climbed in with only the briefest of smiles to the driver. His five star rating might take a hit, but he didn’t particularly care at that moment.

On the drive to Dan’s flat, the impatience in Phil’s stomach grew into something… more desperate. The more time he spent longing for an answer, the more he felt like he should already have one — like he should have known about what Dan was doing before he’d done it. And of course, of course, it was Dan’s decision if he wanted to come out — and hell, Phil was downright ecstatic for him — but Phil couldn’t help feeling like…

Feeling like he should have been part of the decision if Dan was going to so nearly pull Phil out of the closet, too.

Not that Phil was hiding in the closet, persay. But as PJ had pointed out, there was a big difference between hinting and confirming, and what Dan had just done was suddenly pushing Phil to confirm. And that Phil couldn’t quite wrap his head around.

He wasn’t against it. Not quite. But — fuck. He really would have liked to have been a part of the decision.

The process of getting into Dan’s building was the easiest yet, this time. All Phil had to do was tell the doorman his name and that he was there to see Dan before he was getting ushered into the lift, the seven button already pressed for him.

The ride up to Dan’s apartment felt shorter than normal — so short that Phil didn’t have time to collect his courage and figure out exactly what he wanted to say. When the doors opened to Dan’s flat, Phil hovered uncertainly in the lift, suddenly worried that it was incredibly rude to just invite himself over to Dan’s flat. Maybe Dan’s phone had gone straight to voicemail because he’d turned it off so he could sleep. Maybe Dan wasn’t ready to tell Phil about what he’d done.

But no, that wasn’t quite right. Dan had texted Phil, had told Phil to look at his instagram and had even said that they needed to talk. So it wasn’t absurd that he was here, now.

The lift doors started closing, the sudden movement pulling Phil harshly out of his spiral of anxious thoughts. Phil’s body, for once, was a step ahead of his mind, because his arm flew out to catch the door before he processed what was happening. He hurried out of the lift and into the foyer before the door could start to close again.

Dan had put Phil on his permanent visitors list. This was fine. It wasn’t insane that Phil was here right now.

Determined, Phil pushed his way further into the flat, walking quietly towards Dan’s room. He only made it as far as the lounge, though, before he ran smack into someone.

Someone much shorter than him or Dan.

“Phil?”

Surprised, Phil’s eyes scanned down and he took in the young woman standing in front of him — he certainly hadn’t been expecting anyone else to be here, and now he really was feeling like just coming over might have been a dick move.

“Louise?” he asked tentatively, nearly positive that he recognized her from Dan’s instagram and pictures he’d shown him of Darcy and her mum.

“Yes!” Louise greeted, her voice hushed. “I’m glad it’s you, when I heard the lift ding I thought —” She cut herself off, glancing back over her shoulder into the lounge. “Well, nevermind. Tea?”

“Oh, er…” Phil glanced over her head, his eyes drifting back towards Dan’s room. As much as he knew that Louise was definitely someone that he should be trying to make a good impression on, Phil really didn’t want to sit down for a cuppa right now. His mind was still reeling from the whirlwind of this morning, and he could barely think straight, much less talk coherently to a stranger.

But regardless, he knew how important Louise was to Dan — and how much Louise’s opinion mattered to him — so Phil pushed back the swirling confusion muddling his head and forced himself to smile pleasantly. “I might just look for Dan if you don’t mind.” Anxiously, Phil rubbed the back of his neck and hoped that his smile wasn’t coming out too much like a grimace.

Louise’s eyes flicked behind her. Her tense shoulders and skeptical eyes gave Phil the feeling that she wasn’t sure if him seeking Dan out was a good idea. “He’s asleep at the moment,” she said, pursing her lips and staring at Phil thoughtfully, like she was trying to figure him out. “You sure I can’t interest you in tea? He’ll probably be asleep a while.”

“I…” Phil’s eyes darted around as he searched for an excuse out of socializing. Much to his dismay, he couldn’t easily find one. He opened and closed his mouth as he desperately tried to find a polite way out of making small talk with Louise — this certainly wasn’t the first impression he wanted to make on Dan’s best friend.

“I’m not really up for tea, right now,” Phil blurted out abruptly, settling on the truth and cringing at his bluntness. Phil shifted his gaze down to his feet, unable to continue meeting her eye. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “This morning’s just been a lot already, and…”

Louise sighed, and shot Phil an unsure look. Phil watched as her arms came up, and she crossed them over her chest. “Dan had a late night last night.”

“I know,” Phil admitted, anxiously shifting back and forth on his feet. “But I need to talk to him.”

“And you can wait until he wakes up,” Louise said with an air of finality, her arms still crossed in front of her.

Phil sighed and tugged on his sloppy quiff, aggravated — not quite at Louise, just more at… the situation in general. His phone felt heavy in his pocket, and he was hyper aware of all of the emails and texts that he needed to respond to.

Emails and texts that he didn’t know how to respond to because Dan hadn’t fucking talked to him.

“Look,” Phil said, keeping his voice as steady and calm as he could. “I kind of woke up to a PR nightmare this morning and —”

“Oh god, are you not out?” Louise interrupted, her eyes growing wide in panic.

“I — mostly,” Phil hesitated, unsure how to phrase it. The being out thing wasn’t exactly his main problem here. “Never in crystal clear words, but it was out there.” Phil shrugged that particular concern off. “But, like, I hadn’t told my manager — or even my mum — that I was dating Dan yet, and now they definitely both know because they aren’t idiots.” Phil gestured around wildly, his arms trying to convey how absolutely insane the situation was so that he didn’t end up shouting, despite his frustration. “I’m not sure who’s going to be more upset about not knowing. And I can’t even respond to them, because I have no idea what to say because I have no idea what the fuck happened. We haven’t even discussed if we want our relationship to be public or how to handle the media or anything!”

Phil’s arms fell to his sides, limp and useless, as his rant came to a sudden, frustrated end.

His little tantrum must have done some good, though, because Louise looked a bit more empathetic now.

“I get it,” she sighed, sounding resigned. “I’m a manager. And a mum.”

“Thanks,” Phil smiled tersely. “So then you won’t mind if I…?” he gestured vaguely over Louise’s shoulder.

Her eyes traced over him slowly, carefully appraising him. “Fine,” she relented after a minute. “Just… try not to be too hard on him, okay? I’m sure he’ll be in a touchy mood when he wakes up.” Despite her understanding words, Louise still looked wary.

Phil wondered how many stories of hot-tempered, passionate fights Louise had heard over the last year.

“I promise I won’t be a — I won’t be like Isabella,” Phil offered, hoping that the heavy, sincere weight of his voice would convince Louise that he was different.

Louise’s eyes grew wide, her jaw falling open just a hair — she looked surprised, but maybe also a bit… pleased? The tenseness in her shoulders melted — at least some — and she looked less wary. The assurance that not only he knew about Isabella, but was also determined to be different seemed to matter to Louise.

“Good. Because you’ll have me to report to if you hurt him,” Louise threatened, but there was a humorous glint in her eye and a hint of a smile ghosting her lips.

“I won’t hurt him, but that’s a deal.” Phil smiled weakly with an emphatic nod. “So is it okay if I…?” Phil pointed vaguely over Louise’s shoulder, trying to ask her to let him by as gently as possible.

Louise nodded, stepping around Phil towards the foyer. “Yeah, I’m going to nip out then. Tell Dan to text me at some point today, and be nice.”

Phil was tempted to make a sarcastic comment, but didn’t want to risk Louise’s trust. He couldn’t help feeling like he was on a very short leash as it was right now. “I promise I won’t even scream or anything, okay?”

“Good,” Louise said with a smile before heading for the lift. Just before she got to the foyer, she spun around to face Phil again. “Good luck with your mum. And manager.”

“Thanks,” Phil laughed with a genuine smile. “I think I’ll need it.”

Phil waited for the ding of the lift, wanting to make sure Louise was well gone before he sought out Dan, before gathering his courage and carrying on down the hallway. For a split second, he hesitated outside of the closed bedroom door, not completely certain that it was acceptable for him to just burst into Dan’s room and wake him up.

But the memory of the literal thousands of notifications was fresh in Phil’s head, so he pushed open the bedroom door anyway.

The bed, however, was neatly made, and there was no Dan in sight.

Weird. Louise had definitely said that Dan was still asleep. Maybe the guest bedroom?

Confused, Phil stepped backwards and turned back down the hallway, peeking his head into the next room. No Dan in that bed, either.

Phil couldn’t imagine that Dan would be in the music room, and he wasn’t sure where else to look other than the lounge. Phil made his way back, tentatively looking around the lounge entrance before entering.

Curled up on the sofa, still in his tight studded sweater from the night before, was Dan. Despite Phil’s confusion and anxiety, his heart melted. Dan’s hair — and the entire lounge, now that Phil was really looking — was a complete wreck.

There was glass on the floor, both large chunks and shattered shards, that Phil had to navigate around on his way to the sofa. The table — which Phil was accustomed to seeing in a pristine state — was covered in papers and — oh god was that the lube? — on one end. Dan’s notebook was open on the floor, surrounded by a hodge podge of markers. Phil had to bite back the urge to flip through it, to see what else Dan was working on, to pry just a little.

That wasn’t what was important right now, though. Phil turned his back on the mess and properly took in Dan’s lanky body curled up tight on the sofa.

Looking more carefully, Phil’s eyes lingered on where Dan’s trousers were riding down, a soft pale patch of stomach poking out. Dan’s hands were cradled near his face, and his phone was dangling from his fingertips. Phil hovered above Dan, rocking back and forth between his feet as he tried to decide if he really should wake Dan up.

Phil knew Dan had been up late — close to four, at least, and that was assuming he’d gone to sleep straight after texting Phil. Letting Dan sleep a little longer was definitely the nice, selfless thing to do.

But Phil was too anxious and desperate for answers to be selfless right now.

Before Phil could lose his nerve, he reached out and poked Dan’s shoulder.

The poke, however, didn’t seem to be enough to rouse Dan from his sleep. “Dan?” Phil tried, his fingers rubbing into Dan’s bicep a bit harder. “Babe? Wake up?”

“Mmmh,” Dan grumbled. Even in his sleep, Dan seemed reluctant to be roused.

“Please babe? I really need to talk to you,” Phil pleaded. He switched tactics and grabbed ahold of Dan’s shoulder, gently shaking until Dan started stirring.

“Louise?” Dan mumbled, nearly incoherent, without opening his eyes. “Wha’ d’ya want?”

“No, it’s Phil,” Phil corrected.

“Oh.” Dan’s eyes fluttered open, slowly drifting upwards to meet Phil’s.

They were red. Much redder than they normally were when Dan woke up.

The rawness of Dan’s eyes, and the way he rubbed at them, made Phil wonder just how late of a night Dan and Louise had had.

Blearily, Dan’s gaze fell from Phil’s, scanning the room before landing on his phone. Without saying anything else to Phil, he tapped the home button, only to sigh when it wouldn’t come on. “What time s’it?” Dan asked blearily.

“About eight thirty,” Phil guessed without actually checking a clock.

Dan nodded, his eyes drifting back to his phone. “Hang on,” he said, “Lemme plug this s’in ‘nd get some coffee.” Dan pushed up off the sofa, stretching slightly and making his sweater ride up even further. “Want some?” he asked, eyes bleary as he glanced at Phil before turning to leave.

Phil’s brows furrowed, bewildered that Dan was so casually offering him coffee.

As if nothing major had happened since they’d last seen each other.

“Wait—” Phil said as he reached out and caught Dan by the wrist, preventing him from going anywhere. “Are you not even going to acknowledge it?” he asked, annoyance starting to creep into his voice.

Dan raised his eyebrows, but didn’t say anything.

Phil blinked back rapidly, baffled by Dan’s lack of… well, anything.

“Oh come on, don’t play dumb,” Phil groaned, irritated. Dan’s eyes grew wide and he held Phil’s gaze for a fleeting moment before flickering off to the side. In the brief seconds that Dan had looked at him, Phil could see entire pools of emotions — emotions that he wasn’t quite sure what to make of. There was sleepiness, but there was also worry and… something else.

Something that Phil really wished Dan would just share with him.

“Your texts? Instagram? The internet?” Phil prompted, his voice growing more and more pointed with each suggestion when Dan didn’t say anything.

Dan ran his free hand through his hair, grabbing at the ends of his curls and tugging. His eyes drifted back to Phil’s, and he stepped minutely backwards, his hand nearly coming out of Phil’s grip. “I know, I know,” Dan finally sighed, sounding defeated “I just really need some fucking coffee first. I had a long night.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve had a long morning,” Phil countered; his fingers wrapped more tightly around Dan’s arm, his nails insistently digging into the soft underside of Dan’s wrist.

Dan flinched back, his hand yanking backwards out of Phil’s grip and curling protectively against his chest. “I suppose that’s my doing, then?” he asked meekly as he stared down at the space between them.

Phil shot Dan an unamused look, not that Dan was looking up to see it. A part of him was itching to reach out and force Dan to look up at him, but Dan didn’t look like he’d be okay with Phil touching him just now. “No, I normally wake up to thousands of notifications after a nice quiet day away from social media,” Phil quipped, unable to keep a sarcastic edge out of his voice.

Dan’s eyes clamped shut, and he drew in a sharp breath. His arms shifted to cross in front of his chest, his entire body crumpling in on itself. “Just… hang on,” Dan begged softly without looking at Phil. He sounded so small, so young. Guilt washed over Phil — he was responsible for making Dan look so vulnerable. “Let me get a cup of coffee. Please.”

Phil drew his hands back to his side, shoving them in the front pockets of his joggers as a silent promise that he wasn’t going to try to stop Dan. “Of course,” he nodded, trying his best to keep his voice soft and even. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

With a small shake of his head, Dan teetered away from Phil cautiously and backed out of the room without ever turning fully away. At the last second, Dan spun around, narrowly avoiding running into the doorframe as he exited the lounge.

It was an odd reaction, one that gave Phil the sense that Dan was afraid to turn his back on Phil. Self-defensive reactions like that weren’t usually natural — they were learned.

Phil swallowed thickly, suddenly wondering how deep Louise’s fears ran. Dan’s movements were shaky, guarded, and he seemed to be fighting the urge to not look over his shoulder. Not wanting to make Dan more uncomfortable, Phil trailed behind at a distance as Dan led the way.

In the kitchen, Dan went straight to start the coffee and Phil came to a rest at the opposite counter. Dan still wasn’t meeting Phil’s eyes — hell, he wasn’t even looking up — but Phil could tell that Dan knew exactly where Phil was by the wide berth he gave Phil’s spot along the counter.

The entire kettle shook when Dan filled it with water; his hands were trembling, but his jaw was set, rigid. “Coffee?” Dan murmured without glancing over.

“Sure,” Phil accepted quietly. He made an effort to keep his voice as soft and gentle as he could. “Milk —”

“And two sugars, same as your tea. I know,” Dan interrupted quietly. If something weren’t so clearly wrong with Dan’s behavior right now, Phil would have been touched that Dan knew how he took his coffee. Instead, Phil was hyper-focused on Dan’s shaky movements and watched carefully as Dan rummaged through the cupboards, finally pulling out a ceramic soup bowl that was nearly mug-like and — oh. Phil had forgotten that Dan only had one functioning mug.

Because Isabella smashed the rest. In a fight. A fight unlike any fight Phil that had ever had.

Regardless, Dan poured milk and sugar into the proper mug, adding only the smallest spoonful of sugar to the makeshift mug. That was so typical Dan — putting others first, always striving to make others happy. Phil’s lips twitched for a second, nearly quirking up into a smile at Dan’s persistent thoughtfulness.

Phil waited in silence for the kettle to boil, knowing that he wasn’t likely to get anything useful out of a sleepy Dan. Plus, he hoped that a bit of quiet — and space — would help calm whatever Dan’s fears were.

It felt like it took the coffee maker ages to brew their coffee. Phil was growing well anxious, and Dan didn’t seem to be in much of a better state. Eventually, though, Dan was pouring two cups of coffee, passing the polka dotted mug to Phil, and hugging the soup bowl close to himself.

Dan took a large gulp of his coffee, only lowering it a few centimeters when he was done. The mug was held up high, nearly obscuring his face, and his gaze was focused on the black liquid inside. Dan’s arms were tucked into his chest, and his shoulders hunched up. Again, Phil was struck by how small Dan looked.

“Well? Let’s hear it then,” Dan whispered without looking up.

“Hear what?” Phil asked, head cocked, confused.

“You’re mad at me, so let’s just… get the part where you yell at me or whatever over with.” Dan’s eyes flicked up, just barely landing on Phil, and looked back at his coffee so quickly that Phil would certainly have missed it if he wasn’t watching Dan so closely.

Phil’s heart plummeted into his stomach as Dan confirmed his dreaded speculations — all of this, all of Dan’s current behavior, had something to do with how fights had gone in the past. Phil opened and closed his mouth, sputtering stupidly like a fish as he tried to figure out what to say.

“I didn’t come over here to yell at you,” Phil tried his best to placate his boyfriend, even though he didn’t really know how. Not right now, not with this new, scared Dan.They’d only had one tiff since meeting, and then it’d blown over because Phil had dropped it. But it wasn’t a lie — no matter how desperate and confused and frustrated Phil was, yelling at Dan was never his intention.

“But you are mad,” Dan said simply, still addressing his coffee more than Phil.

“I’m not mad, I’m… in shock, I guess.�� Phil blew on his coffee, stalling for time as he grappled for a way he could express his frustrations without unnecessarily startling Dan.

“Call it whatever you want, but I can tell you’re not happy with me,” Dan mumbled.

“Okay, fine,” Phil relented, swallowing his trepediations and deciding to speak his mind. “I was shocked when I woke up to thousands of messages on my social media talking about you coming out and speculating about us.” Dan nodded — a microscopic, subtle movement — but didn’t say anything, so Phil continued. “And I’ll admit that I was a bit miffed when I realized that Louise was here but you didn’t even try to contact me last night.”

“Louise is my best friend,” Dan pushed back, a hint of anger in his voice.

“And I’m your boyfriend now!” Phil insisted. “In order for a relationship to work, we have to communicate, Dan.”

“You’re not my fucking boss,” Dan barked. “I can talk to whoever the fuck I want to. And if you’ve got a problem with Louise, you can just leave now.” There was a harsh edge to Dan’s voice, but beneath it, Phil could just barely tell that it was shaking — shaking with what, he wasn’t sure. Anger, maybe. Or fear.

“I don’t have a problem with Louise,” Phil argued. “It’s just — I texted you four bloody times last night. You could have talked to me if you needed… I don’t know, help, or whatever.” Phil waved his hand in frustration as his words failed him.

Dan sat his mug down on the counter, a loud clack filling the kitchen as the ceramic made contact with the granite countertop. “Look I just spent a fucking year with someone who didn’t like Louise and hated that I went to her for stuff, and if you’re gonna be that way too, then just fuck off already,” Dan spat out harshly.

If Phil wasn’t already leaning against the opposite counter, he would have jumped back at that. As it was, his lower back dug into the counter as he recoiled from Dan’s words.

“Don’t fucking compare me to Isabella!” Phil snapped, disgust and horror holding tight in his stomach. “I don’t give a rat’s ass that you go to your best friend instead of me sometimes, but when you end up doing something that all but confirms that you and I are dating, yeah, I’d like to be a part of the decision!”

“You can’t control me Phil.” Dan’s shoulders drew up impossibly closer to his ears, his voice growing high pitched. “I can’t take the time to get written permission from you every time I want to say something about my album.”

“And I’m not asking you to!” Phil retaliated. “But couldn’t you have waited, like, a day so that I wasn’t completely blindsided by you basically outing me when I woke up this morning?”

“No,” Dan huffed, an edge of stubbornness cutting into his defiance.

“No?” Phil asked incredulously.

“No,” Dan repeated, his voice even more forceful this time. “You couldn’t have talked me out of it.”

“I wouldn’t have tried to!” Phil exclaimed before he could process what Dan had said — before he could process that Dan seemed to think that Phil would try to control him. In some ways, at least. “I get that given… your album…” Phil trailed off as he grappled for the right words, words that would capture how Dan’s album affected Phil’s life without him sounding ungrateful or overly important.

He took a deep breath before continuing. “I get that your album is going to take away some of the privacy and control over my image that I’m used to having online, and that’s fine. But couldn’t this have waited, like, a day so that we could talk about it first? And I could… I don’t know, tell my family we were properly dating first?”

Dan shook his head forcefully, his curls flopping down into his face. “You don’t understand Phil. There wasn’t time. It had to be now.”

“What is that even supposed to mean?” Phil huffed, his free hand lacing through his hair and pushing it further back.

“You wouldn’t understand,” Dan snapped, his arms crossing hotly in front of his chest.

“I’m sure I would if you would stop being defensive for five seconds and actually explained yourself!” The words flew out of Phil’s mouth before he realized what he was saying. They were harsh, yes, but they were true. It felt like all Dan was doing this morning was be overly contrary for no discernible reason, and he wasn’t fucking listening. Phil didn’t want to be angry right now, he really didn’t. It was just hard when Dan was acting like this.

Dan appeared to have heard that, though, if the way he flinched backwards was anything to go by.

“Excuse me?” Dan challenged. He sounded positively outraged, his tone just this side of livid. His shoulders were shaking, and Phil could see anger flaring in his eyes.

And something else, too. Something like… hurt.

Phil put his own mug down on the counter, dragging his hands down his face in exasperation. This wasn’t the conversation — well, fight, at this rate — that he’d come over here to have this morning. Phil hadn’t been wanting to argue, he’d just wanted to understand.

“I’m just trying to talk to you, Dan,” Phil pleaded, his voice coming out whiny and needy “I just want to know what the hell happened last night.”

“Right,” Dan laughed bitterly. “You want to know all about the part where I almost outed you, but you don’t seem at all concerned about the part where I actually came out.”

“That was your choice!” Phil insisted, voice raised.

“No it wasn’t!” Dan bellowed back.

Phil froze, his eyes snapping up to meet Dan’s again. Dan had pushed off the counter, and crossed almost half of the kitchen. He was standing rigid, his body leaning forward, his hands in tight fists by his sides. Dan’s eyes were blown wide — he looked shocked by his own words.

Phil certainly was.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Phil asked slowly, warily. Something happened last night — something big — that much was clear. What wasn’t clear, though, was why Dan hadn’t called Phil last night.

They could have talked about it. Phil could have helped.

“It means — it means —” Dan stuttered, before abruptly giving up. The tension melted out of Dan’s shoulders as he crumpled in on himself, retreating back to lean against his countertop. “It doesn’t mean anything. Can we just move on?”

“No we can’t bloody move on,” Phil huffed, his frustration growing. He’d passed impatient, passed needing answers; now, he was downright desperate. “Can you just tell me what the fuck you mean, already? What happened last night?”

Phil stared at Dan with pleading eyes, silently begging him to explain what he’d meant. For a moment, Dan just stared back at Phil. A loud silence overtook the room, neither of them saying anything else.

Finally, the tense silence was interrupted by a sharp sigh from Dan. Dan’s gaze fell from Phil’s, turning down to his own feet. An agitated hand ran through Dan’s hair, tugging on his curls.

A brief wave of relief shot through Phil, certain that he was about to get an explanation for Dan’s weird behavior. Phil pushed away from the counter, debating whether he should go to Dan, maybe tip his head up and kiss his forehead. Something small to make Dan feel more comfortable talking.

But then, Dan was crossing the kitchen in three big strides, coming to a halt right in front of Phil. Bewildered, Phil searched Dan’s face, trying to figure out what the hell Dan was doing. Dan’s eyes were wild, frantic, a panicked gleam shimmering in them. His cheeks were flushed red, his mouth drawn in a tight line. He was so, so close, so afraid.

And then he was gone.

Phil blinked rapidly, confused and unsure where Dan had disappeared to. One second he was there, and then poof he was gone.

Unsure, that was, until a sudden waft of cool air washed over his upper thighs.

Phil’s attention snapped down, finding Dan again. Dan’s hands were on Phil’s joggers — joggers that he’d managed to tug down to Phil’s knees before Phil had even realized where Dan had gone. He was still tugging, trying to wrestle them over Phil’s knees now.

“Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan,” Phil gasped, his voice coming out rushed and urgent. “What the fuck are you doing?”

Dan didn’t look up at Phil. Instead, his hands abandoned Phil’s joggers, leaving them wrapped around Phil’s bony knees, and latched onto Phil’s boxers. His hands pulled insistently, frantically — too frantic to be particularly effective, mercifully.

“Dan!” Phil implored. The shock of the situation finally wore off, and Phil finally launched into motion, his hands flying out to catch Dan’s and prying them away from his hips. His boxers were awkwardly a bit low now, but Phil didn’t risk letting go of Dan’s hands — Phil was worried that Dan would just reach back to pull them all the way over his arse. “Look at me!” Phil ordered forcefully.

Slowly, painfully, Dan’s eyes drifted up and came to rest somewhere around Phil’s neck.

Phil took a deep breath, calming himself down, before he hooked his fingers under Dan’s chin and coaxed his head the rest of the way up. “Dan, sweetheart, what are you doing?” Phil asked, careful to keep a gentle tone to his voice now that he had Dan’s attention.

“Making the fight go away,” Dan responded. His voice was small — so, so small — and he still wasn’t quite meeting Phil’s gaze.

Phil stared blankly, his eyes trailing over Dan’s scared face, as he tried to figure out what was happening.

Suddenly, Phil was assaulted with the image of Dan covered in hickeys and scratches, embarrassed and ashamed as he admitted to Phil that they were from angry sex — angry sex that came from a fight.

Phil’s jaw dropped.

It didn’t shock Phil to know that Dan and Isabella dealt with their problems through sex, but he was a bit astonished to find the effects so lasting, to realize that Dan still seemed to think that angry sex was the proper solution to an argument, even with Phil.

Phil shook his head forcefully — both in attempt to tell Dan no, and also to shake himself out of his head and into action.

“Babe,” Phil whispered. Looking down at Dan’s vulnerable, submissive stance, Phil felt his heart breaking. Desperate to make them feel like equals again, Phil sunk down to his knees, too. He let go of Dan’s wrists, reaching up to brush back his unruly curls from his face. “Blowing me isn’t going to make the fight go away,” he whispered softly..

“Oh,” Dan muttered, voice small. His eyes trailed down between them. Phil couldn’t see his expression, but his body language spoke volumes. “It’s well and truly fucked then, huh?”

Dan sounded so scared, so distraught, that Phil wasn’t sure what to say for a moment. Dan sounded like he genuinely believed that it — they — must be fucked if a blowjob wasn’t going to fix their fight.

Phil’s shock turned to horror when he saw tears leak down Dan’s face.

“Oh, baby. No, no,” Phil cooed. His hands flew from Dan’s hair to cup his cheeks, his thumbs swiping under Dan’s eyes and smearing the tears away. “No, nothing’s fucked baby.”

Slowly, Dan tilted his head up to look at Phil. “It’s — it’s not?” he hiccupped, his voice coming out higher and more crackly than normal.

“Of course not,” Phil promised, rushed and confident. His eyes were wide in horror at the very idea of them, this, their relationship, being over so soon. His brows were furrowed in confusion at the idea of Dan being concerned that this was over — that they were over. “But the way to make the fight go away is to tell me what’s going on, tell me what you’re thinking.”

Dan sniffled loudly, his eyes fluttering closed again. He was quiet for a moment, with the exception of a few residual hiccups, but then he nodded slowly, his eyes still closed.

“Yeah? You’ll talk to me this time?” Phil asked hopefully.

Dan nodded again.

“Without getting defensive?” Phil prompted, half teasing, half trying to encourage Dan to act more rationally this time.

“Yeah,” Dan agreed meekly. He fell forward, Phil’s arms wrapping around and catching him on instinct. The second Phil’s arms were around Dan, Dan burrowed into him, melting against his chest. Dan’s hands were smushed between them, crooked at an awkward angle, but Phil didn’t mind.

Silence settled between them as Dan calmed down. Slowly, gently, Phil started tracing his fingers up and down Dan’s spine, his fingers catching on the studs of Dan’s sweater.

After a moment, Dan mumbled, “Can we sit down?”

Phil pulled back and pressed a lingering kiss to Dan’s forehead. “Lead the way, sweetheart.”

Dan minutely leaned into Phil’s lips, pushing his head into the kiss for a moment before pulling back. He pushed up to his feet, and immediately offered Phil a hand up. Dan’s gaze trailed over Phil as he climbed off the floor; Phil felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment as he remembered the state of his clothing.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” Dan muttered, his eyes meaningfully flicking down to Phil’s half drawn joggers.

“It’s okay,” Phil murmured back softly as he stood up with Dan’s help. Phil’s spare hand flew to his joggers, pulling them back up his hips as he stood. He tried his best to swallow down his embarrassment, to make his cheeks go back to a pale white; he didn’t want to call any more attention to Dan’s rash advances than necessary. Not right now.

For the first time that morning, Phil was thankful that he’d only been able to find the tight joggers that morning — anything looser would likely have slipped straight down Phil’s thin legs and likely made the whole situation more awkward.

Dan dropped Phil’s hand to turn and collect their coffees from their respective countertops while Phil fixed his pants and joggers,. “Come on,” Dan muttered, cocking his head out of the room.

Phil obediently followed Dan out the kitchen and towards the lounge, nearly smashing into him when Dan came to a sudden halt in the middle of the hallway.

“What?” Phil asked, alarmed.

Dan spun around to face Phil. “I don’t wanna be in the lounge.” His words came out rushed, his voice high. “It’s a mess.”

“I don’t mind,” Phil assured him, “But we can go wherever you want.” Phil stepped backwards, moving closer to the wall so that Dan could navigate around him and lead them somewhere else.

“I need something from in there, though,” Dan insisted; his words were vague, but his tone was determined. He thrusted their coffees at Phil without much more of an explanation. Phil grabbed the coffees in silent shock, his fingers barely wrapping around the mugs and steadying them before Dan let go.

“I’ll meet you in the bed,” Dan said with a note of finality.

Dan only made it a few paces down the hallway before he stopped and spun back around to face Phil. “If that’s okay, I mean,” he said quickly, his voice high and rushed. “It’ll be more comfortable than the music room and I swear I won’t, like, try anything again. Like, I promise I’ll talk, I’m just really tired and I —”

“Dan,” Phil interrupted gently. “The bed’s fine. Get whatever you need. I’ll be there waiting for you.”

[survivor-guyana]

Immunity Results #3

Meet Your Judges!

DAN

Hi sisters, it’s Dan, king of half faced selfies, here to roast your lip syncs

NEHE

Hi sisters, it's Nehemiah, king of not winning a game he deserves to win, here to judge you guys like you never been judged before, p.s Tim stop stealing my role as the one straight black guy in the org community

CHARLOTTE

hi sisters, i’m back from the dead and ready to roast some bitches. i honestly don’t remember if i’ve played more than one main season but i was in kuang si and really that’s the only one that matters. not sorry!

CONNOR

hey sisters, hope you missed me because im still not coming back.

DENNIS

Hi sisters, I was forced to write this start. But entertain me

JESS

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him-and I didn't know how potent that part might be-that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

HOSORORO

Dan: 31/50

Theme: 5 - No real theme tbh, I guess the editing incorporated some nice colors and stuff. I wish y'all could have been more in sync with a theme tho. Maybe I'm just being critical.

Creativity: 5 - The editing was creative, I liked the effects and the added little bits that went along with the lyrics. I think the difference between this video and the others tho was that the others tried something new and exciting to spice up their videos. Was it more creative? Maybe? There's nothing wrong with picking a bop and lip syncing, but it's 2019 ladies, spice it up.

Effort: 7 - She may have bought that hair, but y’all yanked it right off. I think some of you really tried harder than others, but I stan when people just do their best and record where and when they can. It shows dedication and I like that shit. I think that the effort into learning the lyrics without reading them off the screen and dedication to filming in the car kind of showed y'all want this.

Composition: 7 - BITCHHHHH I’M GAGGGGGT. It’s 240p, but honestly Ariana Grande who? Whoever edited this made it seemless, but honestly the low quality needs to get clocked a few points.

Entertainment Value: 7 - The dancing, the outfits, the lip sync skills? A bitch was entertained. While the other videos tried to make things new and exciting, y'all delivered what I think of as more of a successful project.

Jess: 34/50

Theme 8/10. If I had to say the theme, I'd guess that it's "bad bitches" which you all are.

Creativity 5/10. If a 0 is 1 person playing basketball instead of lip syncing at all, and a 10 is a full out choreographed dance number done by your entire tribe, I think this falls solidly in the middle. I don't think there is a lot about this that sets it apart from past music videos I've seen, but I don't think it is bad.

Effort 8/10. It seems like most of your tribe members were at least majorly involved and tried to make this good! And you all put effort into the dancing/attitude you had, it felt like everyone tried to match their actions to the song.

Composition 6/10. I think the editing is good and it matches the timing of the music which is nice, the cuts are usually on the beats! But it did get a little repetitive after a while, like I felt as though the same thing was happening throughout the whole video and there wasn't a variety in the images/cutting style/etc. I also think it was hard to tell if the video was in sync because for some reason y'all are in 2007 and only uploaded this at 240p???? Are you guys all over the age of 45 why did you do that. Finally, the flickering glitter filter was cool at the start, but I wish you'd spiced it up and not just used that throughout the entire video, also at points it was a little distracting due to the bright colours that would pop up.

Entertainment Value 7/10. Six of these points are for the girl who was in the car because she was killing it and I loved her. I took points off for a similar reason I had above -- it felt like the video was one note and I wish you guys had a little more variety throughout.

Dennis: 38/50

Theme: 6/10 Creativity: 8/10 Effort: 8/10 Composition: 8/10 Entertainment: 8/10

I know I will get alot of hate comments for this, but this in general is not really a song to lipsync too. EITHER WAY I think you did a good pretty good job with it. All of you seemed to enjoy yourself and the editing was enough to keep my attention throughout the whole video. I didn't really get the theme, but overall it was a very entertaining Lipsync!

Connor: 35/50

Ok this is good. You clearly all worked together artistically so that your individual shots were coherent. Im not crazy about the pink strobe kinda thing going on through the entire video but you were all performing and this is well done. Theme: 7 Creativity: 6 Effort: 8 Composition: 7 Entertainment Value: 7

Charlotte: 42/50

Theme:  IF THE THEME WAS FABULOUSNESS YOU ACHIEVED IT. ARIANA WOULD BE PROUD.  8/10

Creativity:  I feel like you could have done a little bit more with some of the lyrics but all in all I loved this video and now I'm just being picky. 7/10

Effort:  See above. I think you could have done a little but more but keeping the pink aesthetic through your editing and ALL THAT DANCING werk werk werk.   8/10

Composition:  Love. That. Aesthetic. 10/10  PLUS YOU'RE ALL IN THE SAME CAMERA ORIENTATION I LOVE THAT. LOVE THAT FOR YOU.

Entertainment Value:  FUN, ENJOYABLE, FLAWLESS, NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE. 9/10

Nehe: 44/50

7 8 9 10 10

Now this is a fucking music video work bitches work

TOTAL: 224

ARAKAKA

Dan: 29/50

Theme: 7 - Annoying advertisements? Trying to show the effects of product placement on our every day life? I loved it haha I was shook.

Creativity: 6 - V creative, but was it really a music video? I guess parts were but I also was like so lost after a while. I think song choice is always important and I was so bored during the song parts. I wish you had made the song part as creative as the ad parts.

Effort: 4 - Honestly the effort was misfocused on the ads and less on the music video, was I mad about it? only like 50%. the song was boring and just kinda blah so it was interesting

Composition: 5 - Choppy, but I can’t edit so rip

Entertainment Value: 7 - Honestly this how to video taught me so much and I’m shook. THE POPCORN I LITERALLY SCREAMED. While I nodded off during the music video portion, I stanned the ads

Jess: 32/50

Theme 6/10. I think your theme was ads? I didn't really understand it but it was fun and unique.

Creativity 8/10. I have never seen anything like this that's for sure.

Effort 4/10. It seemed like everyone in your tribe was in the video I think? But most of the stuff you guys submitted was 1 take/shot and wouldn't have required a lot of editing, which is the most time consuming/effort requiring portion of the challenge so...

Composition 5/10 The editing of the commercials was pretty good, but it didn't flow as well as it should have because the audio levels were a bit all over the place. Also at one point it was in colour and out of focus but I wasn't sure why? Also a+ for doing your video in 1080p (@ other tribes take note). Since the actual music video portion was just one shot, I feel like I can't really give you a higher rating than the other tribes in this category.

Entertainment Value 9/10 First frame: a guy in a Stitch onesie with a bottle of tequila and a mug that says "ray of fucking sunshine"?? I laughed immediately. Then I was shook when later I realized it was actually a shot glass and was close to the camera and it got even better. This whole video was wild and I had no idea what was going to happen so I was pretty entertained.

Dennis: 45/50

Theme: 8/10 Creativity: 10/10 Effort: 8/10 Composition: 9/10 Entertainment: 10/10

This is probably the last kind of video which I expected in a challenge like this. I think it was really creative and connected entertainment with comedy and a nice little theme. I am very impressed good job!

Connor: 20/50

“””””Acting””””””” “””””””Edgy”””””””” Eggs?? Im vegan. What was the point of this? Was there a point? Pop corn girl gets you an extra point but this is not a music video. To quote bandersnatch, you chose the wrong path.

Theme: 3 Creativity: 6 Effort: 4 Composition: 4 Entertainment Value: 3

Charlotte: 34/50

Theme:  I've been out of the ORG world for awhile but is this what music videos are now??? I feel like the music video of your video was sorely lacking. YouTube loves ads but not that many!!!!! I did think the ads were pretty creative though so I marked up points for that below. 6/10

Creativity: See above. 9/10

Effort:  It wasn't just straight up lip syncing so I gotta reward you guys for that. 8/10

Composition: That black and white switching to color towards the end got me fucked up. 6/10

Entertainment Value:  To quote the person sitting beside me: "OMG another ad?"Cute concept, not sure it works as a music video but you tried.  5/10

Nehe: 35/50

6

6

6

7

10

Honestly this was something i never seen before and i enjoyed it hahaha

TOTAL: 195

TAKAMA

Dan: 26/50

Theme: 6 - Cats? Bikes? Awkward White People Dancing? Are these the themes you went for? If so, y’all killed it haha, but it wasn't cohesive and I don't get what y'all were going for really.

Creativity: 5 - honestly, I stan an original song choice bc I haven’t seen this before, but also, a song like this needs to be sold and I don't know if y'all pulled out all the stops. I would have liked to see more passion from some of you in the props and theatrics department.

Effort: 5 - Some of you seemed to try a little harder than others, but overall y’all were feelin it

Composition: 5 - A little choppy, but I can’t edit for shit so like good job?

Entertainment Value: 5 - Okay Miss Tim with that bike balance, idk your name sis (maybe Jones) but striped sweater, pm me on skype – dan.disbrow so I can buy it ty. Other than that I don't really remember much besides a lot of cringey dancing.

Jess: 29/50

Theme 1/10. Tbh I don't really know what the theme was here, did you guys forget this category??

Creativity 4/10. Pretty much the same reason that I gave Hororo's tribe a 5, I'm giving you a 4. I am taking one point off because they at least did some stuff to make their video more unique/specific to their song whereas I think you guys could have used this editing style/dancing/etc to any song and it would have also worked, so it wasn't super unique.

Effort 9/10. Everyone who was in the video seemed really into it and did a good job having fun! But this is a 6 person tribe... one person wasn't in it and they weren't the editor?? You should vote them out if you lose.

Composition 9/10. The editing flowed well, you showed everyone on the tribe a pretty decent amount, and everyone's individual videos were pretty on point for lip sync? Usually when people film on their webcams it's not in sync, but these were all really good! You lose one point because the video quality was low and wasn't 1080p which it really should be.

Entertainment Value 6/10. I liked everyone's attitude and dancing and I loved the cats. I originally had 5 but then I remembered the cats and went back and added another point. But I wish you guys had done something unique for each mini song, like maybe divided them up amongst your tribe, or had people change outfits or something? If you had done that, I'd have given you way more points for theme and entertainment value. But because it was kind of repetitive/one note, it's hard to say I was REALLY entertained the whole time.

Dennis: 37/50

Theme: 9/10 Creativity: 7/10 Effort: 8/10 Composition: 7/10 Entertainment: 6/10

Comment: What stood out for me in your video was the theme. I assume that you wanted to mimic the fans v faves theme with a riff off and I thought that was actually quite smart. Everything else seemed to be for me what I would expect from a lipsync, but besides the theme nothing that stood out to me especially.

Connor: 27/50

The lip sinking is a little off at times (im coming back to this part, in the middle / two ish minute point-on it is not good) and I think the transitions from song to songs could have been smoother, but I think this is creative in terms of it being a mashup. I think there could have been more “music video” aspects to it. In addition to y’all singing. EXTRA POINT FOR THE CATS ( stripped sweater??? who is this??? Queen????)

Theme: 5 Creativity: 6 Effort: 6 Composition: 4 Entertainment Value: 6

Charlotte: 28/50

Theme: Was your theme Pitch Perfect? Like, I'm not sure whether or not there was anything you guys planned out but it really just seemed kind of randomly thrown together.  5/10

Creativity: I liked the cats? 6/10

Effort: See above. I feel like y'all just kind of threw this together? It was missing something for me. The person in the stripes pulled it together for you though so 7/10

Composition: Y'all really out here in 2019 not filming in the same orientation? I'm deducting 50% for that. It's a travesty. Also, if one person does a filter and no one else does, does it really make sense? IDK.  3/10

Entertainment Value: ... again, I liked the cats. Plus the stuff with the bicycle was weirdly entertaining.  7/10

Nehe: 31/50

TOTAL: 178

Thank you judges!

That means, Takama, I will be seeing you that tribal council on January 28 at 10 pm est.

[felicityb-reviews]

iKON "Love Scenario" MV Review

Tfw your mans gets lines when you weren't expecting him to

Hi guys!! My name is Jace (aka Felicity B), and iKON released something I didn't gay up straight up despise?!?! Sorcery...

*ahem*

Welcome to my review for Love Scenario!! I'm not gonna lie, I'm not in a love scenario for Love Scenario (hell, not even a like scenario), BUT!! It's a major improvement over previous title tracks. Specifically that it's not a four year old demo B.I made in 2.592 seconds, and YG made them release because it reminded him of M.A.D.E era BIGBANG.

~The Song~

*sigh*

I said this in my Neverland review, and I'm gonna say it here - I review music, not people. Granted, I don't actually like iKON (I might have caused some trouble a year and a half ago by calling them iKEA on Tumblr, but that's nothing y'all can prove), but I'm mature enough of an adult to not outright trash them unless they deserve it. To be honest, I pity iKON more than I actually dislike them; YG put a ridiculous amount of pressure on iKON to outsell WINNER be his most successful boy band since BIGBANG, but it didn't happen, so he exiled them to Japan. He also doesn't give Double B as much creative control over iKON's music as he acts like he does (if the company lets you make your own music but then tells you what kind of songs they want, that's not creative control). So, unless I address Double B or the other members of iKON by name, I'm not critiquing them.

I don't know why I put these disclaimers in my reviews, because I know someone is gonna see some random ass blurb, take it out of context, and then cry to their five followings that the Mean Black Gay™ dragged them when I call them out on it. It always fucking happens.

Love Scenario is not a bad song. It's not a particularly good song, but it's not straight up trash like Bling Bling. There are elements here that could make this song great, but they're overpowered by all the problems of the track.

Look, I wholly understand that YG wants iKON to be his Hood Fabulous™ NuGen boy band, but this song suffers because of the trap elements. Or rather, it suffers from Double B and MILLENIUM randomly throwing the trap beats into the song and then dropping them without warning. It gives Love Scenario a really stuttered start/stop pace, and that makes the song feel like it never actually gets off the ground.

I mean, there's the full time section at the end that reminds me of Black Pink's Whistle, but it's at the end, sis. Why these niggas always puttin' the best parts of the song at the end?!?!?! They did this same shit with Dumb and Dumber, and I'm still mad about that.

Two Years Later.

Moving on, I also found the excessive use of cowbells and claps on every beat in the prechorus and chorus sections to be annoying as fuck. Especially when it would have made a lot more sense to have dropped out all the percussion for the prechorus (except a snare roll to lead it into the chorus), and then pull the trap beats in at the start of the actual chorus. I'm really not trynna be shady (okay, maybe a lil bit), but it sounds like they forgot to turn off the click track in those bits, and when they did their first play though, they thought it sounded cool or somethin'.

Another problem I have with Love Scenario is that it suffers from crap line distribution. To be fair, it's not as bad as some previous iKON feature tracks (Dumb and Dumber *ahem*), but sis. What is the point of having a seven member group when only four of the members consistently get lines?!?!?! I'm so tired of iKON songs being 85% Double B, 10% Jinhwan/Junhoe, and the other three scrap over the last 5%. Y'all, I was whole ass Shook™ when I watched the Inkigayo comeback stage, and it was Yunhyeong who sang the bridge, not Jinhwan. That should not be A Thing™ for a group I've been following since their debut.

And while I'm asking the Big Man™ questions - why are Double B, iKON's rappers, singing more than Chanwoo and Yunhyeong?!?! E S P E C I A L L Y when the two of them rap the entirety of the verses?!?!?!

YG!!

SIS!!

I

DON'T

UNDERSTAND!!

~The Video~

The video for Love Scenario is directed by VM Project, and it shows. She's got a theme, every shot is deliberate (nothing seems like it was thrown in there just to fluff out the video), and the editing is tight. But while there were some really cool shots (like the 360 cam in the circle room, showing off the different stages of the relationship described in the song), this video it really fucking boring.

And before y'all flame my ass, I do realize that that's partially because this group doesn't do much for me. But it's also because this video is so painfully standard, it's boring. In fact, this video is probably the most boring video I've ever watched that was directed by VM Project.

Why?!?!!

Because, instead of focusing on the theme of the video (the comparison of a relationship to a film), the video is 90% choreography shots and iKON just bein' bros. In fact, I'm pretty sure YG blew most of the budget on those album teasers (that VM Project also directed), and that's a major contribution as to why this video is so lackluster.

I think this video could have been far more interesting, because of the metaphorical nature of the lyrics, but the Management™. She wasn't being particularly smart that day.

A Shame™.

Of course, when is Mistress YG ever being smart?!?!?

~The Choreography~

Love Scenario's routine works the same angle that many of iKON's previous routines (hell YGe routines, in general) have, and I'm bored. Granted, this one has a lil bit more creativity put into the formations.

But I'm still bored.

For those of you who've been here since BC (Before Chanwoo), YG would not shut his trap about iKON's dance skill. In every one of his frou frou ass press releases (sorry, personal letters to Da Fans™) about iKON/Team B, he would mention that they were a strong dance unit. And credit where it's due; they turned it out with the dance routines on their survival shows in a way that WINNER never did (which is to be expected when only two of the five members of WINNER actually liked to dance). But ever since their debut, iKON haven't given us anything close to what they're capable of.

And that's as much a critique against iKON as it is at YG's choreographers, because Black Pink's routines are just as whack. But catch me stannin' Black Pink, cause they actually give me something on stage.

In fact, one could easily frame why boy band stans who say that girl groups don't do as much on stage are speaking out of their ass with a comparison between Black Pink and iKON's performance abilities, but this isn't that kind of post. I'm just saying that iKON and YG's choreographers need to get it together, because a group of this caliber should not be outchea dancin' like 2016 EXO. It's not a cute look.

~Overall And Final Thoughts~

Quite frankly, I'm tired of YG Entertainment's bullshit, and iKON's output is a great example of why. This group has so much fucking potential (just like all their acts do), but this abominable agency has no fucking idea to carry that shit through. YG, himself, is a misogynist creep who literally does the most to do the fuckin' least, and I'm over it.

Y'all, it's been almost two and a half years, and I'm still waiting on this group to do S O M E T H I N G out of the box. And Love Scenario came so close, sis. SO CLOSE!! Those album teasers had me a lil hype. The music sounded like GroovyRoom phoning it in like they did for ONE's debut, but it was S O M E T H I N G. Hell, even the song teasers had me loosening the drawstrap on my wig!! But the final product missed mark.

And yes, as I've consistently pointed out throughout this review, it's not entirely fair for me to put so much of the blame on iKON. But sis, I don't know what I'm supposed to say!! I've given this group S O M A N Y chances to really nail my wig to wall (like I do all of YG's acts), but they continue to just be so damn lackluster.

Also, YG does the same bullshit to all his other acts!! But why is it that WINNER and AKMU and Lee Hi (who doesn't even write any of her own music) are able to release decent music, despite YG's bullshit, but not iKON!?!?! Why, sis?!?!!?

I just don't understand!!

Bottom line is that I'm tired of trying to like this group. They've shown some potential here, but it's not enough. Love Scenario would have a cute release back in 2015, but it's not 2015 anymore. iKON should be past this by now.

[bpd-black]

hey guys, so this is gonna be a long ass post, but here’s the tldr version: i love you and i hope you continue to learn about yourselves, and advocate for your mental wellbeing cause y'all are literally so beautiful and important and an integral part of our universe, the world literally wouldn’t be the same without you ✊🏾💕

SO, i just wanted to let y'all know that if you’ve ever messaged me (and this is for my black followers, btw, the rest of y'all … i don’t know why tf you’re here, but none of this is for you so ✌🏾bye, you can leave lol) please please know that i almost always read whatever’s in my inbox right away, and that i do care about your questions and what you have to say, even when i don’t answer right away or at all. you guys reaching out to me is NEVER bothersome. NEVER dumb. NEVER ridiculous. and tbh, it’s always flattering to think anyone would come to me w/ mental health concerns, considering that this blog literally started as a place for me to just vent out into the void & that i used to block anyone that followed me, lol.

(i jus didn’t want people to follow my blog ??? idk, i just felt like i had no other outlet to scream, and i was in a really bad place back then, idek, it made sense at the time. anyway, NOW this blog is a place for me to store information, affirmations and links to resources that i find informative or helpful. and i actually really love getting feedback (cough and validation cough) from you guys 💖 so pls, just know that you mean a lot to me.)

THE THING IS, though: i’m still not a professional. and when it comes to something as serious as mental health (especially in the black community) i just feel like i still have too much learning to do and too much healing to do before i’m qualified to offer any real advice. rn, all i have to say to most of y'all is ‘damn, thas unfortunate, me too’ and i really don’t want to give anyone a half assed answer like that, lol. it might take me a while to research what you wanna know, so yeah. bls be patient with me.

also i kinda wanted to introduce myself, since i don’t think i’ve ever posted an intro on this blog lol:

in summary, i’m a twenty one year old black girl, gay as hell, still living at home, still unemployed, still on leave from college, and still struggling just to shower and get out of bed every day :)) which sucks and i hate my life rn and i battle with like, intense self hatred cause a lot of my family is very disappointed in me and, quite frankly, i’m very disappointed with myself.

moving on, lol, more about my mental state: i’ve only ever been professionally diagnosed with depression and gad, though i personally believe i experience too many bpd symptoms to rule out the possibility that i am, in fact, borderline, and so i consider myself as such.

(( a small rant about that real quick: imo, and tbh, labels are just terms that researchers make up to help organize studies, keep track of patterns, and come up with plans and solutions to help large groups of people. so, basically, i am a strong advocate of NOT beating yourself up too much when it comes to finding the ‘right’ label for you and NOT attacking someone else that you don’t think ‘fits’ the description for a disorder or illness according to your research. like, yeah, fake ass neurotypicals are annoying as hell and they can all choke but ! the only person who really knows what’s going on in someone’s brain is that person themselves. and NO ONE owes you a dissertation on their mental struggles just to ‘prove’ they’re in pain. so, imo !!! it’s just a lot more important to recognize and identify what SYMPTOMS you struggle with, and the severity of said symptoms, and worry about umbrella terms later !! cause that insight will make it easier to look for help and advice and !! mental illness and personality disorders are all on a spectrum. so yeah. go easy on yourselves 💕 anyway, i struggled a lot with that concept, and for far too long, SO just wanted to get that out of the way before i continue (hope that made any sense) but i digress!!! ))

i also struggle with both intrusive and suicidal thoughts, a few minor self destructive habits, and i’m currently taking medication for my depression and anxiety. and tbh, though i still have some pretty terrible days, i will say the meds have helped a LOT. and i’m so glad, cause i’m the first in my family to openly take medication for a mental illness (stigma stigma god fucking stigma) and i was so so scared the meds would just make it worse, but they didn’t, so yeah :)

also, and this is a bit personal (but i’m willing to be a bit vulnerable with you guys, if it’ll help anyone at all) but, i planned on killing myself last year. it didn’t happen (evidently lol) but i ended up staying at the hospital for a week and then participating in a two week partial program after that. i’m currently looking for a new partial program or support group that i can join, and i’m trying to get a job and get back to school.

also, i have been seeing a therapist since my senior year of high school (which !!is a bit of a wild tale tbh, but long story short, my parents literally refused to believe mental illness was a real thing for the longest time. and it wasn’t until i told them i literally wouldn’t graduate high school if i didn’t get some help that they believed me.) my first two therapists were awful racist white women (still fuckin hate them btw) but my third therapist was a really cool white woman who actually introduced me to my current therapist who is this really amazing black woman and so far, i feel like she’s been the best fit for me. but i’ve very recently had to put my therapy sessions on pause cause i’m poor as hell and couldn’t pay for them anymore, so yeah. and, tbh, that’s really been stressing me the fuck out as of late, but what i’m trying to do is make the most of whatever other resources are available to me (helplines, textlines, self care strategies, forums, blogs, google, etc.) and i still have a social worker so idk, i should be okay 👌🏾

anyway, that was a lot of oversharing but, now you all know where i am atm ;) and i only share this with you guys cause a lot of asks i receive are about feeling like shit for not knowing what pd you have, or about being too poor to afford good health care, or not knowing how to convince your conservative ass black parents that you’re dying and need help and like !!! all of those topics are so so important to me on a very personal level !!! and i wanna help y'all so bad. but tbqh, i’m still trying to figure this shit out myself 😕 so, what i’m hoping is, just by letting you know more about my experience and being as honest as i can about it, at least one of you readin this might feel a little less lonely dealing with your pain. idk.

anyway, second to last thing: fr tho, i hope y'all know that it is both a rare, and amazing trait to be as insightful as so many of you are. even just trying to figure out ‘god, what is wrong with me’ and taking the time to do the research, is self care. it’s defiance. it’s acknowledging that a better life is possible, and it’s straight up refusing to settle for the pain you’re in now, for a life less fulfilling than what you know you deserve. i feel like the generations before us didn’t do that enough (with good reason, tbh, even today it’s still hard to know who we can trust) but it’s high time black people start healing our minds and our hearts. so power to you ✊🏾

and yeah. that’s all i wanted to say this morning. i’ve been wanting to say all that for a while, but wasn’t sure where the hell to start. i just hope that was all coherent and made sense, lol. don’t ever hesitate to message me guys. i may be an emotional wreck that takes too long to reply, but i do love you. lol.

and please please please continue to research things on your own as well, like. keep up with the latest studies, the TED talks, the blavity articles, the mental health blogs etc. etc. learn as much as you can about how to take the best care of you, even if my executively dysfunctional ass can’t help right away lol.

also !! (last thing, i promise) a quick update about this blog: i edited it a bit, namely my tagging system, to make it a bit more useful. i won’t go through all my tags here (maybe i’ll add an about page and a tag page later) but, for example, there’s my new affirmations tag (full of helpful reminders that i like to think about everyday) my positivity tag (just, yk, positive shit that makes think positive thoughts) and my black tag (whatever content i feel like pertains to just my fellow black + mentally ill peeps, cause lbr a lot of our struggles only happen at the intersection of both identities) 💕

i also have a music tag for music recommendations!! cause i like to believe music is very healing all on its own ;)

AAAAND that’s it lol 😘 stay safe out there guys !! this world is wild but, tbh, we know better than anyone what it means to make the very most out of our lives no matter what. happy black history month 🖤

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Trump needs to shut up

What is important is the Captain can go home and die in peace and he activated testing for everyone aboard his ship

I'm quite sure he will have a better life waiting for him on his home planet than Trump or Alex Laughlin.

I don't see what he did to be any different than me nor damaging. I didn't read the Letter yet Trump is an idiot.

Sailors pen letters. That's what they do. Mail feeds their hearts. Sailors are some of our best penmanship of all.

Next Trump is gonna say it's un-Sailor-like to get a tattoo.

...............

Wendy was explaining COVID-19 is not a new mysterious disease and so to help yourself understand to use the words interchangeably.

She did not say for PROFESSIONALS to do so. Only people at home listening to the news being told to us accurately

This video the news was reported inaccurate.

As i posted a video from Dr Vuong the COVID-19 has at least two parts Corona II and what others and he were calling SARS III. And then the disease was explained in Depth

So when yall go on on and on using incorrect terminology and y'all are incorrectly giving us information

What the fuck?

We spent fucking hours writing shit for y'all to fucking understand and use in the news and hospitals

If you're not gonna use it then why the fuck write it? Why the fuck spend OUR time and waste our heart and minds pouring information out to you?

Y'all all need to fix Your shit and do the news correct and fucking read between the lines if you are a PROFESSIONAL.

If you are a PROFESSIONAL you need to REALIZE there is like 10% or less of you in the world. That is how we see it

So whenever we are speaking to COMFORT the mass of Society we are not speaking to PROFESSIONALS.

ABC and David Muir and this particular Instagram account is a sound off account so i can get "bitchy" I knew David Muir as a child. He is a very good person and darling friend and he has other friends from Governor's Island used to be military Coast Guard base in NYC at the tip of Lower Manhattan now a park on the air often. So this is a different kind of news reporting system they do to help me keep y'all straight.

So my point is made and I'm not angry. Im just making a point that we do a lot of work to make sure we are communicating as best as we can as often as we can.

And they are my #1 news source for many reasons.

But i am serious and honest in my reaction to this video. That is how i feel and how i think.

On a personal level I am doing better today but i am not yet ready to deal with alot of words considering my personal life. Mark has written what Alex came in to tell me which was fucking just appalling words. That i can't expand on and would only repeat half of what he said. Which would just appear to be shock value because I just can't....

I know he tried to have an 5 foot alligator eat my daughter. And so i taught his dogs and monkey to eat his drugs. "Apparently the monkey had an overdose and was taken away." The monkey was fine. He just played dead. That is what I saw. But i found someone that was super kind and defensive of me and my daughter and i prayed about it and i talked to the monkey and he played dead and so the ambulance drove him away to a home that was kinder and gentler. He's our planet's a chimp but hes allowed to remain with his owner whom is alien and go to the next planet. Love is Love. And with him the Chimp feels safe and loved. In order to love we must love. Simple as that.

So please do report correctly.

The confusion is that COVID-19 will die peacefully with a slow down breath sometimes slight cough.

Corona Virus will stay to party on Earth another day.

To say a 6 year old boy with cystic fibrosis healed of COVID-19 means we will allow an alien life to stay. This is untrue. He is alien and he carries COVID-19 but he will die and go to his other planet. But not yet. It is unfair to him to put him on a ventilator to die. That child does not deserve torture. So until hospitals get their shit together .....

Bodies Just need to be put into freezer trucks.

Unfortunately i cannot use magic to evaporate. It is part of the recommendations that I was given from the evaluation of the people -- mostly aliens from Earth.

Because the aliens killed the dinosaurs thus the only way the bodies should be disposed of is by dinosaurs eating them fully and intact.

Dinosaurs do understand the difference between humans and alien life. They understand who killed them and why

Unfortunately it is a spin on this story that can be viewed as horrific. Please do not fear

If you can understand so can they.

If a dog can understand certain words like sit. Beg. Roll over.

Then a dinosaur can understand the concept "you are only eating who killed you"

There is video of them eating non-humans and i talked to the dinosaurs and Mark talked to the others.

There's video of my Team training the tigers from the zoo that is leftover from the film on Netflix "Tiger King" so you can see simple conversation is applicable to animal life

So if you do panic and do not understand please do watch the animal training. Much is on the tv live.

Mark says a lot of y'all like me at my house don't have tv service so you don't understand what the DVR is. Trust me i don't even know. So hes pinning the link up

Its free. There's an app. For those that don't have tv service.

Unfortunately moving via teleportation or evaporation will not help dinosaur murderers to understand it was wrong and they will never be allowed to return to Earth. This is not my ruling but recommended to me.

So if you are in the United States send them to Los Lunas New Mexico 87031 and Wyoming National Park for Yogi.

In South America Venezuela.

Africa to Giza and the southern tip.

Scottland and New South Wales.

Mark will edit he knows more.

Please fill the trucks. I know that is disgusting and feels inhumane. Realize they are reincarnated or their planet rulers at one time did not feel it a problem that they killed an entire life breed on our planet.

So it is food. They do not need to be naked. A dinosaur can undress them and often will play with their food like Barbies. In the end "what you want to kill me?!" Gulp gulp gulp.

But it is fascinating they will show their "true skin" via"play"

[flauntpage]

From Cavs in Six to Yankees in Four, Here Are VICE's NBA Finals Picks

Everybody loves making predictions. It's the best way to prove to your friends, neighbors, and loved ones, how much you know about something. Instead of just limiting the fun to the VICE Sports staff, we asked people from across the VICE network—including some really important people—who they thought would win the NBA Finals and why. What you will read will either impress you, or make you worry about the future of this media company.

Michael Pina, staff writer, VICE Sports: Cavaliers in 7. There are roughly one trillion compelling factors that can influence anyone's prediction in these Finals, but so long as LeBron James is averaging 32.5 points, 8.0 rebounds, and 7.0 assists with an ungodly True Shooting percentage, betting against him doesn't feel like a smart thing to do. (Also, Draymond Green will turn into an icicle.)

Caitlin Kelly, managing editor, VICE Sports: Warriors in 6. I'm going to say Warriors in six, because "Defense Wins Championships," and the Cavs defense sucks. If the correct truism turns out to be "LeBron James Wins Championships, Actually," I will be neither surprised nor very upset. I am very proud to send in the most boring answer out of the entire staff, please include that in the roundup.

Jorge Arangure, editor-in-chief, VICE Sports : Warriors in 6. As much as I'd like to pick Cleveland in this series, I can't see the Cavs' defense being able to stop the Warriors. Plus Klay is probably due for a big series, and Cleveland's slow help defense should give him a lot of open shots.

Mike Piellucci, staff writer, VICE Sports: Warriors in 6. I'm not on the bandwagon that thinks this can be done in a relatively simple five games, but Golden State has too much firepower and too much JaVale to lose the rubber match.

Sean Newell, staff writer, VICE Sports: Yankees in 4. Honestly, I don't see how anyone stops Aaron Judge, who is my MVP for the series. Judge is also my dark horse pick for MVP.

David Roth, staff writer, VICE Sports: I think the Warriors will win in six games, unless they win it in five or seven, or unless the Cavaliers win it in some other number of games. One of the secondary bummers of the playoffs having been so lame to this point is that, while I believe that both these teams are significantly better than they were last year, I don't really have a sense of how much or how that will play out in the series. I honestly don't know how any team ever beats the Warriors, let alone four times out of seven, and watching them has done nothing to help me figure that out. But I felt that way last year, too. My point is that I do not know, and my other point is that, after all these weeks of inevitability, I am really enjoying that feeling a lot.

Liam Pierce, weekend editor, VICE Sports: Warriors in 6. Sure, I may be from Oakland and therefore am crazy-biased toward the greatest city on the planet, but I've got enough hatred for this upcoming move to San Francisco to take a step back. The Warriors are out to draw blood and prove they're no fad. But what's more important is that KD gives them a fail-safe plan. Klay drops off? No problem. Steph falls off? Still not a problem. Draymond falls off? Fine—what-have-you. Even if KD falls off? Nothing to worry about. All of them fall off? Ian Clark will carry us on his golden wings (and then sign with the Mavericks afterward).

Aaron Gordon, staff writer, VICE Sports: Warriors in 6. I can count the number of NBA games I've ever watched on two hands and none of them were this season. But 2016/17 seems to be the time the bad guys win.

Karisa Maxwell, social editor, VICE Sports: Cavaliers in 6. I don't care who wins or how well they play, I just want to see JR Smith wearing a half-on Romphim at the parade. We the people deserve it.

Jon Weidman, associate creative director, VICE: Cavaliers in 7. Because KD has to go through a post "Decision" letdown like LeBron for there to be balance in the universe. Speaking of the universe, Earth is flat.

Will Kiersky, publisher, VICE Entertainment: Cavaliers in 6. THE MORE EX-KNICKS YOU HAVE THE BETTER CHANCE YOU HAVE OF WINNING THE NBA TITLE. It's how the world works. This year's Cavs retain the title not solely because LBJ is still the world's best basketball players, but for the more subtle move of replacing the Timofey 'Timothy' Mozgov with Derrick Williams. They simply needed to replace one underwhelming ex-Knick with another and all would be status quo in Believeland. For obvious reasons a lot of people like to talk about the addition of Kevin Durant. But a little deeper digging reveals that neither the '16 nor '17 Warriors had or have a single ex-Knick on the roster. The key to the '15 Warriors title run? D. Lee coming off the bench to the tune of 3.1 PTS, 2.6 REBS and having once had the misfortune of playing for the New York Knickerbockers.

Josh Tyrangiel, senior vice president of news, VICE: Cavaliers in 7. I believe in LeBron James more than I believe in evolution. And I really believe in evolution. Derek Mead, executive editor, VICE Global: Cavaliers in 7. I feel like believing in something for once, even though I know I'm wrong. It feels shocking how quickly the Warriors have become annoying, especially because I *love* KD, but nothing will ever compare to watching Treal TV to get hyped for some more Baron Davis/AK47 magic on the court. Eric Sundermann, editor-in-chief, Noisey: Cavaliers in 7. Look, there's no way LeBron loses. Just no way. The Warriors have the talent and, on paper, should win for countless reasons (the main one being the Cavs don't really know what the word "defense" is). But dude just beat the Celtics by 50 and looked like he was on auto-pilot while doing so. Moreover, his legacy is on the line, and he's going to come out and look to prove that, MJ be damned, he should be considered the best basketball player of all time. Just like last year, Cavs in 7.

A lot of people at VICE are praying the Cavs win the finals. Photo by Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports

Ryan McCarthy, editor-in-chief, VICE News: Warriors in 5. Can't wait for the NBA season to finally start tonight! I think each of the Finals games will be close, but the series not so much. In really busy NBA year that brought us Westbrook v. Harden, Boogie getting traded, and a few glorious months of Embiid, if anything I think the Warriors have been insufficiently hyped. Even Stephen A. Smith seems bored by the Warriors. And yes, I just made the case for more hype around a superteam of all-NBAers in an era of league inequality. Also: the Cavs defense is very bad and it's not totally Kevin Love's fault. Kyle Kramer, features editor, Noisey: Cavaliers in 6. Basketball, a game invented by James Naismith in 1891, has seen many iterations in the 126 years since ol' James first tossed a ball through a peach basket: NBA Jam, NBA Jam Tournament Edition, NBA Jam Extreme, NBA Jam 99, something called Bill Laimbeer's Combat Basketball for Super NES, etc. But at the end of the day, we can all agree that the current version is the best version because it involves Lebron James, who plays with the dominance of an NBA Jam character except in real life. And the only thing cooler than video games is LeBron James making other six-foot-seven men look like kindergarteners as he dribbles around them. Matt Taylor, news editor, VICE: Cavaliers in 6, because KD is going to bump knees with Tristan Thompson in game 1 and miss the rest of the series. Annalise Domenighini, social editor and cold one enthusiast, Noisey: Whichever team has the most abs. Harry Cheadle, politics editor, VICE: Warriors in 6—I don't know much about basketball but it seems like they have most of the good players. Jason Koebler, senior staff writer, Motherboard: Cavaliers in 4. These playoffs have been horrible and the law of long-suffering cities that finally get over the hump suggests that Cleveland is about to be blessed with unending sports success and the insufferability to match. Trey Smith, social editor, VICE: Cavaliers in 6. Cause LeBron is sick of y'all and is waiting to get a lot of fed up-ness out his system. Alex Robert Ross, contributing writer, Noisey: Cavaliers in 7. I've spent the last year trying to convince myself that the Warriors—a Silicon Valley startup with an innovative and gritty approach to disrupting my happiness—won't be champions. Here's all I have left: —Draymond Green hasn't kicked anyone in the dick and balls lately. He's overdue. —Zaza Pachulia is at the whims of some ancient evil spirits who will soon sour on his success. —Iman Shumpert has only played like a drunk 13-year-old this year because he's been too busy delivering babies and putting the finishing touches to his game-changing new mixtape. He will put both of those things on hold for these Finals. —LeBron James. —JR Smith will do anything for an excuse to be shirtless. That includes dropping 38 points upon Zaza Pachulia's haunted dome. —Steph Curry doesn't actually exist. Prove to me that he exists. Have you ever seen him? I mean, not on TV. Have you ever actually seen him? With your own eyes? Exactly. —Something about Kyle Korver hitting threes or something. —Maybe God exists.

From Cavs in Six to Yankees in Four, Here Are VICE's NBA Finals Picks published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[felicityb-reviews]

BTS x Steve Aoki “MIC Drop” Remix

What’s that?!?!?

It’s a Jace (aka Felicity B) with her review of BTS’ MIC Drop (Remix)!!

~The Song~

So.

This is a remix.

If this was anyone else but BTS and Steve Aoki (like the Chainsmokers, for example), I’d have skipped this release and cussed out Big Hit for two weeks gay straight.

But I happened to really enjoy this. I wasn’t the biggest fan of the original (it felt like a cheap imitation of their School Life Trilogy era and didn’t knock hard enough), but I put up with it cause it happened to be a highlight of Love Yourself ~Her~.

Which should tell you everything you need to know about my thoughts on that album.

But MIC Drop the Remix is a B A N G E R, sis!!

Mic Drop the Remix builds upon the foundation laid by the original, and takes it to heights it should have gone. I dare one of y'all hatin’ ass heauxs to say you couldn’t at least nod ya head this. Go ahead, I dare you.

Cause this remix has me turnt up, sis. This remix has Thot Mode Level 69 activating, sis. This remix has me runnin’ up on a bitch like I ain’t got nothing to lose, sis.

THIS REMIX IS BOUTA MAKE ME LOSE MY DAMN JOB, SIS!!!

SHE’S THAT POWERFUL, SIS!!!

I got some complaints, tho -

1) There is entirely too much auto tune, fam. I can barely understand half of what they’re saying in the song (and mind you, this song is ~50% in English), and it’s just so distracting. I get that that is partially a stylistic choice.

I respect that.

But what I cannot respect is that this has been a problem I’ve had with BTS since I started checking for them after We are Bulletproof Pt 2. And it’s only gotten worse. Their voices sound so freaking animatronic!!

This is unacceptable!!

2) This really should have been a Rap Line featuring Taehyung or Jungkook song. You can *clearly* tell this is for Rap Line, so there is absolutely no reason for all seven members to be present. If all the vocal parts are too much for one feature vocal, have them split with Hoseok. Ain’t nobody mad at Hoseok stuntin on a bitch with them vocals.

I mean, there is but they can kiss my black ass

And while we’re at it, chop off that extra af vocal section at the end; it kills the energy of the track and causes it to end like weak ass orgasm. After the release (heh heh heh) of the second chorus and Namjoon actin like he’s about that life (he’s not), have Yoongi repeat the hook till the beat builds enough for another drop. And then end that bitch right.

Now…

I accept PayPal and MasterCard.

~The Video~

This video looks like someone at Big Hit wondered what would happen if they made We are Bulletproof Pt 2 with a bigger budget. And considering the subject matter of the song pretty much makes this We are Bulletproof Pt 3, I am not mad at that at all.

There isn’t much for me to report on here, folks - the camera work is pretty standard, the editing is tight, nothing about the sets jumps out at me. This is a very good video for the song, but it isn’t blow your socks off amazing.

I need to address these wardrobe choices real quick, tho.

And not even everybody’s wardrobe, just Hoseok and Namjoon.

Hoseok… I don’t know who told you those fabric tassels hanging from your hat were cute. Cause they’re not.

I don’t know who told you they looked ~Hood~. Cause they’re not.

I’m just confused as to why you’re wearing them. It’s bad enough y'all are wearing bucket hats (I’m not about to go in on them, but suffice to say that they’re ugly), but you gotta have those things dangling from your, too?!?!?!?!.

Mess™

I mean, I’m glad you aren’t wearing those horrid braid things you wore in the Mic Drop stages in this, but sis… Why couldn’t you have just worn a bandanna in your hair, like Yoongi?!?!?

A fuckin waste…

And Joon… I don’t wanna roast you. Just kidding, I fuckin love roasting you. You are my favorite Bulletproof Bias to roast. But this is just asking for it.

The sad part about this hair is that I know the rationale behind it. Unlike Hobert attaching two feet of fabric from Joanne’s Clearance Fabrics to his hat, this hairstyle was super popular with 1st gen boy bands doing a hip hop concept.

He looks like Jaehyun’s mo whack older brother, circa Limitless era. He looks like he was doing a hair masque before the shoot and forgot to wash that shit out. He fuckin looks ridiculous and idk what kind of style he should have done instead of this, but I just want y'all to know that this isn’t a Cute Look™. I don’t wanna see no Boyfriend RapMan MBs with this foolish hair, y'all. I will rebuke you and your whole entire family if I see it.

Just don’t do it!!!

~The Choreography~

BTS, as of late, have been dabbling in more complex formations in their routines, and it’s been really cool to experience as a fan. Their routines are the same old stuff we know and love from the boys, but they’re presenting it to us in very new ways. They’re breaking off into twos and threes to do specific parts, and I admit that seems kind of simple on paper, but seeing it in action is great.

As much as I loathed DNA (yes, even DNA can get this fire), I put aside any kind of animosity I had for those triflin’ ass breakdowns to watch the live performances, because there’s just something so cool about seeing it performed.

Similar to what I said in the song section, I think this kind of choreography shows off BTS’s potential to break off into units/do solo promo. In fact, I think it’s really kind of lame how BTS faded us all with the solo material on WINGS, just to come back with all group tracks on Love Yourself ~Her~.

We didn’t even get a cypher, sis.

And no, I am not counting Serendipity and HER in that, because those songs are less than two minutes long. Give me full versions, and I’ll consider it.

Anyway.

So.

I guess Kim Taehyung wasn’t content trampling all over my bias list with his singing (he has the best technique in BTS, don’t fuckin’ @ me, bitch) and visuals, he’s decided to up his dancing. Because I need another bias who makes me sweat aggressively when they start two steppin.

He’s in almost all the unit formations, and while I’m happy he’s getting the spotlight he deserves, I’m gonna need him to calm the fuck down.

Or come serve me the D, whichever he feels like doing on this good day

~Overall and Final Thoughts~

*ahem*

LET BTS DO SOLO AND UNIT SHIT, YOU FUCKING COWARDS!!!

That’s it.

That’s literally all there is to this 40 page dissertation I’m calling a review.

I like this remix a lot, but every time I listen to it, I circle back to the thought that this would be a Perfect 10™ if it was a unit feature".

It’s Time™, sis. Even EXO has a sub unit. And y'all KNOW SM Entertainment is Determined™ to shove EXO in our faces as a whole, because of their We Are One bullshit.

It is Time™.

I need whoever is in charge of their music (cause Lordt knows Rap Line has dropped enough hits this era that it isn’t them) to take a risk. Or maybe if y'all don’t wanna do unit promo just yet (even though you should), go the Seventeen route and have them record unit tracks for the album b sides. Teen.Age, much like WINGS, was elevated by the unit tracks.

I just need something different, sis. Because Lord knows that BTS has enough talent to deliver. This remix is more than enough proof.