#happened twice at this conference and both times they got me

[transgenderer]

when youre at a math talk and the speaker starts writing out an extremely elementary equation/definition/etc you know theyre about to get on some bullshit about how their wacky new thing is actually a natural generalization of an object you know and love

[hannibals-favourite-meal]

enemies to lovers w/ spencer reid plzz 💗

.⋆｡Whispers in the Dark｡⋆.

Spencer Reid x plus size reader

You and Spencer have been at each other’s throats for months and the team is sick of it. So while on a case in a conveniently tiny town, they do something to fix it

Warnings: usual cm warnings (kidnapping, murder, serial killer), enemies to lovers, one bed trope (i’m not sorry), confessions, little bit of partial nudity, Spencer and reader are horny for each other and neither know how to deal with it, implied smut WC: 2.4k

6k Follower Celebration Bingo

Library- @hannibals-favourite-meal-library

If there was one thing that was a guarantee in this life, it was the DOCTOR (as he always liked to remind you) Spencer Reid would not keep his fucking mouth shut. You used to think it was endearing the way he so passionately spoke about anything and everything but after the 30th time he interrupted you (in front of every mind you), it got annoying real fast. And somehow, it was even worse today.

A series of kidnappings occurring in a small town in the middle of buttfuck nowhere that exactly replicated the town’s urban legend about a vengeful spirit killing those who tried to leave without offering sacrifice. Given your extensive knowledge on the development of folklore specifically tied to serial killers, it was an unspoken agreement that you would be taking the lead on the case.

But Reid had a very different idea.

“This is obviously someone using the story to get rid of people they have a vendetta against.” You fought the urge to roll your eyes at the young doctor. His lean body blocked the column of victim photos as he pointed to the map of the town beside it. He had drawn over several places with a red marker and although the abduction sites did fall into his contracted triangle of a comfort zone, something in your gut told you it was more than that.

“Look, I’m going to keep saying it. This goes way deeper. This has been happening for generations. 2002, 1985, 1968, hell even all the way back to the fucking 1820s! It’s either all 17 year olds getting killed or 17 people killed total each year it occurs, with it switching each time.” Spencer made a sound that was almost a scoff but with Hotch’s steely gaze fixed on the both of you, he covered it up by clearing his throat.

“Mark Adin was 18.”

“He turned 18 the day he died, Reid! And if you looked at his birth certificate, you’d see that his time of death was an hour before he would actually turn 18.”

“If you would just-“

“Alright!” Derek placed a firm hand onto Spencer’s shoulder, making him stumble slightly. “We get it, you’re both freakishly smart but I think it’s late and we all need some sleep.” He shot you a look as you crossed your arms over your chest, red hot anger and frustration still bubbling up inside you.

It always ended like that, one of the other members of your team stepped in before insults could be hurled (it’s happened once or twice before) and suggested a break while you and Spencer continued to glare at each other. He continuously undermined your theories and in return, you questioned his intelligence. 

“I’m sure Y/L/N will realise how ridiculous she’s being after some undeserved rest. I mean, when is she ever right.” Your stomach dropped and Derek’s smile dimmed for a second before he wound an arm around the young doctor’s shoulders and guided him out of the conference room the team had commandeered far quicker than he normally did.

You opened your mouth to shout something back at him but Emily grabbed your forearm before you could. “It’s not worth it.” You met her gaze and quickly deflated.

“Yeah okay.” She gave you a soft smile as you both left the room together, missing the weighty glance Hotch and Rossi shared.

——————

“I can’t believe that you and JJ are doing this to me,” you whined, hiking up the strap of your go-bag higher on your shoulder, “you promised last time that we had to share rooms that it would be you and me. I don’t want to get stuck with Hotch again, he snores like a fucking freight train.” Emily poked your ribs as she passed by, shooting you a mischievous grin.

“You were too busy flirting with Reid to notice us making sleeping arrangements.” You huffed and followed her out of the elevator.

“I wasn’t FlIrTinG with him and by the way, that’s disgusting you even thought of that.” The hallway was dead silent save for the faint buzz of the ice machine at the very end.

“Yeah, that’s definitely why you totally weren’t checking out his ass while he was setting up the white board.”

“Emily!” You hissed but she only laughed in response. 

“Come on, it’s so obvious that you like him! This childish rivalry you have is just sexual tension so for all of our sakes can you please just fuck him already so we can actually do our jobs.” 

“Alright maybe I would like him if he wasn’t such an ass to me all the time.” You conceded, earning you a sly grin from your friend as you both came to a stop outside your hotel room door. “But! He constantly undermines me and makes me feel like shit so it’s never gonna happen.”

Emily stood by her own door, her key-card already in hand. “And you love to rile him up. So, never say never.” And with that, she slipped into her room, shutting the door before you could retort.

You rolled your eyes as you unlocked your own door and stepped in. The shower was already running but what mainly concerned you was the lack of a second bed. You sighed heavily, dropping your bag on the empty side away from the door.  You were too exhausted and frustrated to even be mad about having to share both a room and a bed with your boss. Too exhausted in fact to notice the sweater on the chair in the corner couldn’t have possibly belonged to the older man.

Quickly, you stripped down to your underwear and slipped on your sleep clothes, figuring you could wake up early and shower before heading back to the police station. You sighed as you crawled beneath the sheets, the worn mattress immediately cradling your soft body.

Your eyelids had just begun to flutter shut when the water turned off. You turned onto your other side in anticipation of the bright light from the bathroom fully waking you up but what you didn’t expect was the accompaniment of the one voice you hadn’t wanted to hear until you had at least 6 hours of sleep and a massive coffee.

“What the hell?” 

“Fuck me.” You sat up and took in the sight of a very damp Spencer Reid wearing only a towel around his waist. You refused to look down at his naked torso (no matter how badly you wanted to). 

“You’re not Morgan.” He retorted.

“And here I was thinking you were a genius. Do you usually walk around half-naked with Derek?” He didn’t dignify you with a response this time, only grabbing his bag and retreating to the bathroom once more. As soon as the door shut, you launched yourself at your phone.

<I’m going to fucking kill you

>We’ve all packed noise cancelling headphones so don’t hold back ;)

>BTW before you even ask, there’s no more rooms available. Small towns are just great aren’t they

<I’ll get you back for this

>Sweet dreams

You could scream as you shut off your phone, Emily’s texts disappearing, leaving you staring at your reflection on the black screen. You should’ve known something was up when Hotch insisted that everyone take separate SUVs to the hotel under the guise of everyone splitting up first thing in the morning. The man was a fucking menace. 

The mattress groaned as you laid back down, far closer to the edge this time. If Spencer took your hint and just left you alone for the rest of the night, you would consider it an overwhelming success. This time when the door opened, the light was already off, letting you breathe a sigh of relief.

The bed dipped and your body tensed for a moment. You waited for him to speak, but when he didn’t, you finally relaxed. In the silence and darkness of the room, you could pretend that you were anywhere else.

“Will you stop hogging the blankets?” You knew this peace couldn’t have possibly lasted.

“If you had turned on the heater I wouldn’t have to.” You grumbled but still released your hold on the covers just enough for him to take some more of it.

“Not my fault you’re always freezing for no reason.” The blanket lifted from your leg as Spencer fully wrapped himself up. You sighed but decided not to pick a fight, Emily’s words still circling your mind. Instead you wrapped your arms around your stomach as you drew your legs up, curling around yourself. You just wanted to sleep.

“What, no witty comeback?” You sighed heavily and squeezed your eyes shut.

“I get that I don’t ‘deserve to rest’ but I’m exhausted Spencer. Neither of us want to be here so can we just try to get some sleep and leave each other alone.” Thankfully, he stayed silent, for a moment at least.

“You called me Spencer.”

“Oh my god, can you please just let me sleep? Yes I called you Spencer, it’s your name isn’t it?” You snapped although you knew what he meant. You had never even referred to him by his first name in the almost 18 months since you had been on the team, just the same as he did with you. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Fine.” You pressed your face into the thin pillow beneath your head, determined to finally fall asleep.

“No, Y/N I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I did. There’s a lot of things I shouldn’t have said to you.” The bedsprings screamed in the quiet of the room and suddenly you could feel the gentle brush of Spencer’s breath along the back of your neck. You suppressed a shiver as best you could. “You don’t deserve to be treated like that.”

“Why are you bringing this up now? Are you trying to get laid or something?” Your tone held no bite but you could still feel the way he flinched. A sour taste bloomed in your mouth. “Sorry. For what it’s worth, I’ve been an asshole to you too.”

Tentatively, you rolled onto your back, your shoulder now brushing his. Soft light bled into the room from the light in the hallway, dimly letting you see his silhouette. Already, Spencer’s hair was a mess, different strands sticking up or to his face. His right hand rested on his chest while the left was by his side, barely a fraction of an inch from touching your own. He turned his head, making eye-contact with you for probably the first time since you had known him.

“Why— What did I do to make you hate me so much?” You muttered, suddenly unable to speak any louder than a whisper. You watched his chest hitch and then deflate.

“You didn’t do anything. I guess— it was easier to hate you than admit the truth.” The warmth of his skin made you breathe a sigh of relief as he pressed his hand to yours.

“And what is the truth Spencer?” Even in the limited light, you could see the way his eyes dropped to your lips. His lithe fingers curled around your wrist and gently lifted your hands so that it rested between your heads. 

“That when I’m around you, I can’t concentrate on anything besides how beautiful you are, how intelligent, how capable. You’ve had me wrapped around your finger since the moment we met and it’s angered me.” You didn’t realise how close you were to him until the tip of his nose bumped against yours. You sucked in a breath but it did nothing to ease the floating feeling in your stomach.

“Why’s that?” You were both now on your sides in the middle of the bed, on the edge of something more, if only one of you would fall first.

“Because I knew that the second I accepted it, there was nothing I could do to stop myself from falling for you, even if you would never feel the same.” 

You smirked. “And here I was thinking you were the smartest man alive, Dr Reid.” He pressed his lips to your knuckles with a smile and before you could tell him that he was wrong and quite frankly dumb for not seeing through you (like everyone else on the team did), his hand was on your jaw and his lips on yours.

You moaned into his mouth when he leaned onto you. You grabbed at his back under his shirt, your nails digging into the surprisingly well-defined muscles along his spine. Spencer’s head tilted, encouraging the kiss to become more passionate as his tongue traced your bottom lip. You tangled your fingers in his messy hair, tugging at it slightly as your mind began to go fuzzy with the lack of oxygen. 

Spencer smiled against your lips, placing two or three more soft kisses against them before rolling onto his back once more, leaving you breathless beside him. You followed him down, putting your head on his pillow. You stole another peck from him as he clutched at your wide hips.

“I can’t believe how long it’s taken us to finally talk this out. We were both being really stupid.” You giggled against his now swollen lips.

“Yeah we have.” Something tugged at your mind, breaking you away from the warm bubble of affection you were lost in.

You shot up. “What, what is it? Did I do something wrong?” Spencer practically pleaded, his hand tightly gripping at your thigh.

“You’re right, we were both being stupid! We’re both correct. What if it’s not just one unsub, but a whole family of them? 17 years between killings, Spencer!” Now it was his turn to sit up, his brown eyes wide with realisation.

“It’s a coming of age ritual. The unsub is killing people they know but under the guidance of the person that did it before them.”

“So the place where they’re keeping the victims before they kill them should be in the comfort zone and it should line up with all the past ones!” He beamed at you. “But maybe we should wait till morning to tell the others, they do need their beauty sleep.”

“And we don’t?” His hand moved higher, slipping beneath your sleep shorts, making you shudder.

“Definitely not.” You swung your leg over his hips and sat on his thighs, kissing him once more.

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Criminal Minds

@lokiandbuckysdoll

[steddieas-shegoes]

On school picture day, Steve always gets the kids ready. It’s not that Eddie doesn’t want to, it’s that he kind of hates making them dress up for a photo when 99% of the time, they’re just kids.

Except Steve had to go to a training conference for guidance counselors this week and picture day is happening whether they like it or not.

Their oldest, Jules, can do everything herself now. Prefers it, actually. She’s been extremely independent since she turned 10 a few months ago and neither of them try to stop her.

But their twins are only six, and James and Connor are like tornadoes who interrupted a category five hurricane and wore their most stained clothes while doing it.

“Let’s at least brush your hair,” Eddie suggested, already mentally preparing for the arguments that would cause. “Just for the picture and then you can mess it up however you want.”

“But daddy lets us wear it crazy!” Connor lies.

“And he lets us take off our shirts!” James lied even more.

“You guys don’t even know how to lie right,” Jules said as she finished braiding her own hair.

“We don’t lie!” They said in unison.

Eddie used to think the twins talking and doing things at the same time was just coincidence, but now he knows it has to be some kind of evolutionary benefit to outsmart the parents.

“Let’s call daddy then and ask,” Eddie said, immediately being met with silence. “Oh, can we not? If he lets you do that stuff, then it shouldn’t be a problem right?”

The twins shake their heads.

“Great!” Eddie pulls his cell phone out of his pocket and pretends to dial Steve. Steve’s not gonna answer, so he just sends a quick text to let him know it’s fine and to let it ring to voicemail. He holds the phone up to his ear as it rings twice and then goes to voicemail. “Hey sweetheart. You know how it’s picture day? Mhm. Well the twins told me you usually let them just go without brushing their hair or even wearing a shirt! I thought that sounded silly. So you don’t?”

“Wait! Okay we lied a little!” Connor yelled, suddenly panicking at being caught.

“And maybe a lot!” James added, already trying to climb Eddie’s side so he could reach for the phone.

“I’ll go get them ready, love you, bye!” Eddie rushed out and hung up so he could hold James safely. “I think you think I’m a fool.”

“No dad, you just let us be crazy,” James said.

“So does your daddy. Just not on picture day. You know the rules. We do this for him, right? We get nice and handsome and we smile for the camera so we can hang the pictures on the fridge.” Eddie glanced at last year’s school photos, resisting the urge to cry at how big they’d all gotten so quickly. James was missing three teeth now, Connor seemingly lost a ton of his baby fat early, and Jules had started wearing earrings. “He likes seeing your faces on the fridge.”

“But can’t we just wear our regular clothes?” Connor begged from his other side.

Eddie looked down at what they were wearing. It wasn’t that bad. No stains, at least. And no holes. That was rare for them.

“You can wear these clothes if you let me make your hair look nice,” Eddie bargained.

“Daddy’s gonna kill you,” Jules said with her arms crossed.

“He loves me too much. Plus who else would do the dishes every night? He can’t kill me!” Eddie joked, tickling James before setting him down on the floor. “To the bathroom, my princes! Make haste!”

They ran for the bathroom quickly, nearly tripping over each other in the process.

Eddie’s phone vibrated in his hand with a text from Steve that just said ‘if they don’t brush their hair for pictures, Santa won’t come.’

Eddie texted back quickly: so cruel. as his most sexiest elf, I wouldn’t pass over their house.

Steve sent a ‘🙄’ and then a ‘😘’.

Eddie pocketed his phone and went to help the boys with their hair.

When they got the pictures back a month later, Steve shook his head, but couldn’t quite hide the fond smile.

James and Connor both forgot to give normal smiles into the camera.

But their hair looked almost perfect.

[lokisprettygirl]

First I just want to say that I absolutely love how you write Loki! If you are taking requests, I would love to request something with sweet subby soft Loki feeling anxious or overwhelmed by something the Avengers are doing in the tower, and needs a safe quiet place to get away from it all. Que best friend of Loki who happens to be a domme stepping in and helping him relax (in more ways than one *wink*). Bonus request for mommy k!nk, sensory play, and lots of good old fashioned cuddles. Thanks!

Thank you for requesting dear, it's been a while that something else other than my own series inspired me. I gave it my own take as usual but I hope you'll enjoy nonetheless. Thank you for enjoying my writing ❤️

Sub Loki x Best friend Female reader (Friends with benefits with a happy ending)

Warning: 18+, Smut, unprotected sex, sub Loki, mommy kink, praise kink, blindfold, other kinks, feelings of anxiety and panic state, a mild angst between characters

Being an Avenger wasn't easy, no, Loki wanted to retract that thought, being an Avenger sucked at times

While as a prince when he was on the battlefield at the least he knew that the war would come to an end someday but this job? This journey to redemption that he had put himself on was never ending road and sometimes it got him. It also didn't help that ever since Thanos had taken him he had developed this huge Anxiety that prodded him over any trivial things.

"Once I get the view I'll signal Loki to teleport at the sight" Captain said at the meeting and Loki just nodded at the response.

"Loki you'll walk to the safe and we don't have access to the passcode just yet so you'll have to take the safe and hide it" Natasha said and he nodded again.

"Once we are in the facility, Perhaps Loki can do his mind tinkering thing, I mean I don't see why we have to go through all that trouble if we have him? Are you listening to us?" Tony asked him and he nodded again even though he was close to hurling his guts out. The voices were starting to fade in the background. As soon as the meeting was over he scurried out of the conference room and braced himself against the nearest wall he could find, he felt as if his heart would explode and he would cease to exist any moment.

And then he thought of you, the girl he had been in love with hopelessly since he saw her, but also the girl who always reduced him to being just her best friend. Sure they had their thing on the side, a little arrangement that pleased them both from time to time when the tension between them got too much but as soon as the act was done he always found himself craving for more, he needed you, he wanted everything with you. He wanted you.

You were almost done with your day when you received a message from Loki so you picked up your phone "Can we meet?"

A smile crept on your face as you got the text, you saw him almost everyday but these were the type of texts that you knew will push you two in the little arrangement you both had on the side. It wasn't easy though, being friends with benefits with God of mischief himself wasn't something you desired, if you weren't so terrified of having your heart broken and lose a dear person again you would have taken this further and deeper with him, you would have put your heart on your sleeve again for him but you were terrified.

If someone like Loki was to break your heart, you knew you wouldn't survive and come out sane on the other side.

"Pepper, can I go?" You asked your boss so she smiled and allowed you to leave for the day. Instead of going into your room you went to Loki's instead and knocked twice. As he opened you were hoping for him to grab you and kiss you like he normally did whenever he had all that pent up sexual energy that he needed to let out but instead you were met with his sullen little face,

"Something wrong?" You asked him as you entered and closed the door behind you, your arms wrapped around his waist and he immediately placed his head down on your shoulder. You then brought your arms around his neck and pulled him closer to comfort him, he seemed stressed, you had seen him like this whenever he used to get a nightmare and would come to your door so you'd talk to him but this was different.

"I can't do this, I am not fit to be an Avenger darling" he said softly as he pulled his head up to look at you, his eyes were teary and lips so close to yours, he cupped your cheeks but he didn't kiss you, he never made the effort until he knew you had the same thing on mind, he never wanted to cross a line with you in the moment even though you both had no silver of decency left between you.

So you kissed him indeed, it was soft and romantic, a lover's kiss even though you both were anything but that, you were not lovers.

"Why would you say that, my sweet boy? You're doing so good" you whispered softly and the nickname immediately made him want to curl up against you, the voice you used on him melted every inch of him, in every possible way. Your fingers curled around his neck as you kissed him again, your tongue swiped over his lower lip and he lunged to take you in his mouth but you denied him the pleasure,

"You're thinking too much aren't you?" You whispered softly but your tone was authoritative and he knew where this was going. That's exactly what he needed at the moment.

"I can't stop ..it's too much, i uhh–" the words caught up in his throat as your hands caressed the bulge in his pants, he was hard the moment you had him in your arms.

"Shhhh calm down for me alright? I'm here baby I'll take care of you okay?" You walked with him until he had hit the edge of the bed and made him sit down,

"Blindfold?" You looked him in the eye and the look of worry was now replaced with desire, he always made you feel as if you were the only woman in the universe who could ever bring out that look in his eyes. Only if you weren't so broken yourself you might have taken the leap of faith. He conjured a piece of cloth that was made of the finest silk so you tied it around his eyes, as soon as his vision was gone he held onto your waist as if to find something familiar to hold on to in the darkness. You still had your work suit on and that always made you look bossy, which was perfect for moments like this.

Grabbing the hem of his t-shirt you pulled it over his head, the sight of his gorgeous ripped physique made you bite on your lip involuntarily.

"You're so pretty, have I ever told you that?" You asked him softly as you laid him down on the bed. You had indeed told him that, a millions of times, that was one of the first things that made him want to be submissive with you, the way you praised him always made him feel so weak for you.

"Mommmy please..I need you" he whined desperately and you felt the instant twitch in your cunt as the heat started to build up. As said before, the lines of decency were crossed a while ago.

Perhaps it was the need he had to be coddled by a feminine woman, perhaps it was his own mother who never ever showed him such motherly love, or maybe it was just purely sexual, the forbidden nature of the kink that made him want to address you like that or it was all of it, you didn't care really, you enjoyed it when he got so whiny and desperate for you, when he got so sensitive that only you could take care of that itch he had. You knew enough about the god of mischief to know that he wasn't the type of man to do this with just anyone.

He trusted you. He relied on you take care of him in his most vulnerable state.

"I'm here sweet baby boy, I'm right here..okay?" And you trusted him to show this side of yours too. Before you met him you never had this urge to dominate a pretty little boy like him but as soon as you had your eyes laid upon him, something had awakened in you, this incessant need to ruin him drove you crazy.

You took his shoes off and then the pants followed, the sight of him all naked with just a blindfold on was almost too much to bear, you wanted to go crazy on him but that's not what he needed tonight, he needed love making, even though you weren't sure if you were supposed to use that word with him. He wasn't your lover.

You took your skirt off, the sound of your zipper being pulled down perked up his ears, he was imagining it all in his head, he had sensitive senses due to his heritage even in his normal state so when one of the senses was deliberately deprived, the other ones heightened even more so. He heard the sound of your skirt dropping on the floor and as soon as you took your underwear off he smelt your arousal in the air and he wanted to bask in your sweet scent.

You crawled on the bed and on top of him before you sat down on his thighs, your wet lips drenched his muscles instantly. As soon as your fist wrapped around his cock he couldn't help but thrust his hips forward, he must have looked obscene but he didn't care, he never cared how vulnerable he was being when he was with you.

"Mommy can I touch please..please i need you" he mumbled and then he bit on his lower lip in anticipation so you grabbed his hands and placed it on your bare thighs so he ran them up and down slowly, the moan that escaped his throat as soon as you allowed him to touch you was sinful, he treated you like a goddess that he was blessed to merely put his hands on.

You gave him a slow stroke and every time you did he thrusted his hips into your fist, fucking himself slowly and intimately, his abs flexed and relaxed with every thrust, that v line defined with every move, his mouth remained open as the sensations began to build in the pit of his stomach. He was a beautiful beautiful man, truly a god in his true form.

You loved him so much it was unreal. And that's exactly why you couldn't have him, he was unreal, he was too good for you. Or that's what you thought.

You let go of his cock and pulled him up by his hands so he was in a sitting position, lifting your hips up you sunk down on him slowly, his head lulled back as he found himself surrounded by your warmth, you were always so tight, so constrictive and he loved being suffocated this way.

"Tell me how does this feel my pretty boy?" You asked him while unbuttoning your shirt, his hands sneaked inside the shirt and unclasped your bra, once you were all naked he placed his head down on your breasts and breathed in deeply. A small growl emitted from deep with in his chest.

"Feels so good mommy, so good, I have missed you, don't ever leave me untouched for this long again" he mumbled incoherently and your eyes teared up at the intensity of his words. .

"You deserve to feel good baby, you're an Avenger and you're the strongest of them all–" you mumbled to comfort him, you hadn't forgotten about his anxiety and the reason why he was so tensed.

"Someday I'm going to ruin it I know, like I ruin everything..I'll ruin it"

"No you won't..you won't, you never ruin anything my precious little boy, you're perfect, absolutely perfect" you pressed your finger on his lips as you rode him back and forth, the sweet whimpers that escaped his mouth was delight to your ears. You took the blindfold off and as soon as his eyes met with yours he kissed you. His lips trailed down and sucked on your neck, making sure his lips would leave an imprint for days to come.

"You won't fail Loki, you're doing so good baby, i know it feels too much at times but you just have to stop thinking about everything at once and focus on what's important and what's the first thing that you have to tackle the next day, you hear me?" He nodded as you said that before his lips latched onto your nipples and he sucked on it.

"You like that?" You asked him as you picked your pace but his mouth never unlatched from your nipple, he focused his attention from left to right and then vice versa but he didn't want to stop.

"Yes mommy, I love… you"

He whispered almost inaudibly and your heartbeat raised, well even more than it should have while you were having this mind numbing sex.

"I love you pretty baby…cum for me now, fill me up, mommy needs your cum inside her" he exploded as soon as those filthy words infiltrated his ears, the way you clenched so tightly around him as you rode your own high was milking every little drop of release out of him. If he could choose to never leave this room, if he could choose to stay buried in you forever he would but you never wanted it, you never wanted to change the arrangement. He placed his head back down on your bosom again and you leaned your head on his own to calm down your own breaths.

"We need a shower" he chuckled as you said that and in a moment he was off the bed, with his cock still in you as he took you to the bathroom. As he pulled out of you under the running water, you both watched his cum seep out of your cunt and run down your thighs.

These are the things best friends shouldn't do, not at all.

"Are you feeling better?" You asked him softly so he leaned into you to kiss you but you pulled away and he sighed.

"Yes thank you darling" you smiled and walked past him to grab a towel then you wrapped it around your body before you moved back to the room, you wanted to get dressed and leave, once the night had ended you both will go back to being friends like you always did, it was never awkward with him because none of you made it that way.

He followed soon after and you already had borrowed a tshirt from his closet to put it on, it reached your thighs and your room was just a few steps away from his so you didn't want to put on your work clothes again just to walk into your room where you'll have to change it again.

"I'll give it back tomorrow" you said to him as he pulled a brief over his long legs and he hummed in response.

"Hey champ, you'll do good tomorrow okay, you'll be just fine and I'll be seeing everyone going crazy after you once you're back from this mission" you walked towards him and hugged him to wish him luck for tomorrow but he didn't say anything, he was just staring at you "Good night" you tried to leave but he grabbed your arm and pulled you closer to his chest.

"Did you hear what I said to you? Did you hear me telling you that I love you?" He said to you, his eyes bored deeply into you and you couldn't escape this time even if you wanted to, he had never been this assertive before.

"Did you hear me responding that I love you? You're my best friend, we both love each other and care for each other, that's what it is Loki"

"Is that all I'll ever be to you? Are you telling me you just see me as your friend?" He asked you softly, his voice sounded so sad so you sighed.

"It's not going to work lo"

"How do you know?"

"Because I don't expect a man like you to stay loyal to me, too many temptations around you and I don't want to ruin our friendship, do you want to do that? Do you want to lose me as a friend?" You asked him and tried to walk away but he grabbed you by the shoulders to pull you closer again, he might be a submissive baby in bed but you knew how he was outside of the bedroom and you loved that side of him too.

"Our friendship was ruined the moment you decided to bed me sweetheart, I'm tired of running away from this, from our feelings for each other"

"Loki–"

"I haven't touched another woman since you came into my life, even though you weren't to claim as mine i did give myself to you completely the first night i buried my cock inside you" you looked at him a bit shocked and a bit pleased as he said that but your fears remained.

"What if someday you're bored of me and done with me?" You asked him , the nervousness evident in your voice, he had never seen you so vulnerable before, atleast not when it comes to your feelings towards him. He held your cheeks and kissed you softly, his thumb brushed over your lips and then he kissed you again, it was tender and romantic, it was the most romantic kiss you have ever had with anyone really.

"What if I was to ask you the same?"

He mumbled against your mouth and you shook your head..

"The fear of what will happen in the future shouldn't stop us or ruin our present my darling, perhaps we will talk about this in the morning? Stay the night with me please" he spoke softly, he just wanted you to stay for once, he didn't want you to leave after blessing him with such pleasures, he wanted to hold you and be held by you all night long.

"Sleep with me" he mumbled again as you didn't respond so you got on your tiptoes and kissed him deeply, he picked you up in his arms and laid you down on the bed before he snuggled you like a baby.

"What if this is a mistake loki? I don't want to lose you too, you're the only person in my life I can be myself with, you're my only friend lo" he held onto you tightly as you voiced your fears to him. He wished there was a magic word he could have said that would have eased your nerves somehow but he didn't have anything, he just had thousands of years ahead of him to prove to you that he'd never hurt you like that.

"And you're my one and only girl, my only woman that I feel safe with, you think I'd ever want to lose you? Perhaps you should think again" a smile formed on your lips as he said that. You allowed your fears to backtrack for the night, maybe you just needed to take a final leap of faith.

And deep down in your heart you knew that this time around you won't fall on your face, this time your man will be on the other side to catch you.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[outsideratheart]

Secrets & Lies (Christen Press x reader)

Based of this request.

A/N: This is the longest fic I have ever written with 11,599 words. I hope it isn’t too long and that you all like it. One more thing, ANGST!!!

You had been keeping a secret since the day you were born. Only a few people knew about it and that's because someone else told them but at what point does a secret turn into a lie?

You spent your childhood having bi yearly surgeries but they were only temporary fixes until the doctors felt your heart was strong enough to take the stress of a more complicated surgery. This came when you were 15, it meant you could play the sport you love, and to the naked eye your condition was non existent as long as you took your medication. It wouldn't be the last surgery you had, in fact the doctors told both you and your mom that they would have to do the same surgery again in around 10 years.

It resulted in you learning to live one day at a time and you never looked too far into the future but you couldn't ignore the fact that every year is one step closing to needing a second surgery. So when you turned 25 you couldn't help but feel like you were on borrowed time. Two years after that, the hospital visits became a monthly occurrence in order to keep an eye on your condition and your doctor was surprised that your heart was holding up well and it was but that feeling of being healthy soon came to a halt.

First came the shortness in breath followed by the chest pains, they are symptoms that you are all too familiar with. At first it was manageable but then it got hard to hide the toll it was taking on your body.

"Are you ok kid?" you feel a hand rest on the small of your back as you bend over in attempt to catch your breath after a sprinting drill.

"It's getting worse" you look up at your captain Christine Sinclair "I'll be ok, I have to be. The olympics are around the corner and I can't miss them" the panic in your voice sparks concern within the Canadian.

"Ok, ok, calm down. We will handle this like have in the past, just me, you and the doctors. Have you told Tobin or any of the others how bad it's getting?" you shake your head "Maybe it's time you tell Christen. The two of you have been tog—“

“No! Christen doesn't need to know"

"And when will she? When she is calling an ambulance?"

Christine Sinclair had many abilities and the one you hated the most was how well she showed tough love.

"No Christen and no Tobin. This is my fight and I know how to handle it" you know that the conversation is no where near over but you don't have the energy to talk about it and you don't want to risk the rest of the team hearing you.

At first only you and the Portland Thorns team doctor knew about your heart condition but then your mom told Christine when the thorns were playing Gotham. She wanted someone to know about it in case you were to have an episode. They didn't happen all that often, especially as you got older, but when they did come they were bad.

Portland were in Houston playing the dash before the players would go to their respective national teams. It meant that you had to pack for 3 weeks away. You made your checklist, packed your bag and then went through the list twice, you had everything.

The Thorns ended up beating the dash 3-1 with goals coming from you, Tobin and Lynsey so when you arrived at camp you were all in fantastic moods although yours could have something to do with the fact that you would be seeing Christen for the first time in a month.

As you enter the reception you are told that you are the last to arrive and the team are in the conference room handing out room assignments. As you enter the room you eyes eagerly search for your girlfriend but she isn’t there, worry starts to set in and you nudge tobin who in suit shrugs her shoulders. So her girlfriend and best friend didn’t know where she was. You are just about to raise your hand to ask the question when you feel two arms snake around your waist.

“Looking me for” Christen says quietly as not to interrupt Jill.

You remove one of her hands and place a kiss on the back of it.

“I better not be sharing with Kelley again” You tip your head back to rest on her shoulder.

“You’ll be happy to know I persuaded Jill to let us room together but you have to be on your best behaviour”

“Me!” You turn to face Christen. Your increased volume becoming apparent when Jill calls you out.

“Is there something you would like to share with the team” Jill encourages you to speak up.

"Nothing she can repeat in front of the youngens, right Y/N?" Kelley teases.

The defender knows that you will bite straight away if the teasing had to do with your relationship, more so what goes on behind close doors. You are on the verge of retaliating when Christen places her hand over your mouth.

"Sorry coach, continue" Christen tells Jill.

The team meeting runs a little big longer than you had hoped. Jill taking this time to discuss the basic plan for the camp as well as assigning rooms and then reassigning them when she gets complaints.

You and Christen waste no time in making up for being away from each other. It might have been a few years since the two of you started dating but the way she makes you feel never failed to catch you off guard. The connection you shared reminded you of fireworks and no matter how many times they went off you always jumped.

The two of you cuddled in bed, covered in nothing but the white hotel bed sheets. Christen's head rested on your chest whilst her hand traced shapes on your stomach.

"Your heart feels like it is about to beat out of your chest" whilst Christen jokes it is a reason for concern to you.

You think about it for a second. The Thorns schedule has been gruelling recently and you knew that you were putting stress on your heart but it was fine, you were taking your medication then it hit you, you hadn't taken it this morning.

"My heart will always skip a beat for you" you stare up at the ceiling in fear that Christen will see your pain if she looks you in the eyes.

The pair of you get ready for training all whilst worry starts to sink deeper into your thoughts. Christen knew you took several supplements in a morning but she didn't know what they were and you wanted to keep it this way. When you are on your way down to the lobby you see your chance.

"I'll meet you down there. I forget to take my vitamins" You daren't use the word medication because you know it will cause her to worry. It's the reason why she has no idea about your condition. You saw what the worry did to your mom growing up and you wouldn't put that on your girlfriend.

Luckily Christen doesn't ask any questions and she doesn't follow you back to the room. By the time she gets to the lobby the whole team is there ready and waiting.

"What, no Y/N?" Pinoe asks her fellow forward.

"She forgot her vitamins" Christen says fully unaware of the looks that are shared between Emily and Tobin.

Emily tips her head towards the elevator and Tobin picks up on what she is suggesting.

You are rummaging through your bag hoping that you will find your medication but it is no where to be found. You thought you packed enough for the Thorns trip and the national camp but you hadn't. You didn't know what to do, you knew that if you told Dawn about it she would have you benched and that couldn't happen because you were playing Canada and the team needed you. The sound of someone knocking at the door pulls you out of your head. At first you ignore them, you had more important things going on right now and the person on the other side of the threshold could wait but the knocking continued only louder and more persistently.

"Y/N let me in"

Tobin, just the person you both wanted to see and did not want to see. When she enters she recognises the panic on your face immediately.

"You forgot?" Her tone reminds you of your mom and you didn't care for it.

"I'm fine now" It was a lie but you didn't have a choice  "I'm just tidying up. You know how much of a neat freak Chris is"

You had been taking this medication for 12 years surely you built up enough strength to live without it for a week.

Training was tough to say the least but you chalked it down to the Arizona heat. Tobin kept a close eye on you and even went out of her way to partner up with you during drills which pissed you off more because you wanted to work with Christen. Dawn watched you from the sidelines and at first you didn't think anything of it until you saw her whispering in Jill's ear.

When the coach calls you over in the middle of scrimmage, it gains the attention of the entire team. Players only ever got called out of a game when they were in trouble but Jill eyes wasn't filled with anger, they were filled with pity and your suspicions were confirmed when you saw Dawn mouth 'i'm sorry'.

"Do I need to be worried?" Jill asked.

Here's the thing with Jill. You know she knows and she knows you know she knows but the two of you have never spoken about it. She keeps an eye on you during training and Dawn let's her know if there is a reason for concern.

"No. I forgot to take my medication this morning so it's taking a little bit longer for it to work"

Another lie.

"You were struggling out there and don't say it's because of the heat. I have seen you when we play in Australia and you aren't phased at all"

"I'm already feeling better. Watch and you will see that I am fine" you shut down the conversation before it can go any further.

When you're back on the pitch you score within seconds and dedicate your goal to your coach with an arrogant salute. Instead of it making her believe you're healthy, your celebration makes Jill think the opposite. You are trying too hard to show her you are ok.

The next couple of days are more difficult than you would like to admit. You were tempted to ask for a personal day and fly back to Portland but it would lead to more questions and you were trying to keep your amount of lies to a minimum.

With game day getting closer and closer, you begin easing off the physical side of preparation. You took a back seat in training and when asked about it you stated that as your role as captain you want to use this time to pass on your knowledge to the younger players.

When it comes to the afternoon lift session, Dawn pulls you aside and tells you that you will be working alone. She puts you on the treadmill whilst the rest of the team focus on the weights. Her attempt at testing your fitness isn't as subtle as she hopes.

"Wait, why is Y/N the only one doing a fitness test?" Tobin asks. Christen wants to know the same thing. She had seen the change in your behaviour over the past couple of days. It happened in the blink of an eye, one minute your the confident player the world loved the next you are on the sidelines trying to catch your breath like a rookie.

"Because I am the fastest on the team and Dawn wants to see if I can improve my stats from last camp"

Your girlfriend buys it, Tobin on the other hand isn't so easy to persuade. In the end she walks away but not before talking to Sonnet who looks at you and shakes her head.

Great! You aren't well and now you have pissed off the two people that could out you to the entire team.

"I've seen you watching me and I'm fine but if I am sick then I will get worse by doing this" you whisper in Dawn's ear before setting the treadmill to 15 where you begin sprinting as if you have a perfectly good heart.

By the end of the treadmill test you can barely breathe. Dawn helps you to chair before getting you a bottle of water. You hear her shout of Christen and within seconds your girlfriend is by your side.

"Y/N breathe for me" Christen begs. She had never seen you this out of breath.

"It hurts" you clasp both of your hands over your chest. This couldn't be happening, not here, not now.

"What's going on with her?" Christen asks dawn.

"She is--" Dawn tries to answer but Tobin and Sonnet come running over.

"She took an elbow to the chest in our last game and it's causing her some problems" Tobin tells her.

"She'll be fine. Here, use this" Sonnet gives you an ice pack knowing that it helps with your chest pains.

Your hands shake whilst you hold the cold block to your chest, so much so that Christen ends up taking it from you.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Christen asks.

When you look to Christen you see the hurt you are causing her and this is because she didn't know about a tackle that didn't happen. In a matter of seconds you go from feeling pain to feeling guilty.

“I—" part of you tries to tell her the truth, even it it's only a half truth.

"It's best if she doesn't talk" Tobin cuts in.

Dawn tells you that you're done for the day and that Christen should take you back to your room. Your girlfriend talks to the performance coach in hopes that she can tell her what to do to make you feel better.

"I don't know what's going on with you but you cannot tell her when you're like this. She will think you’re ill" Tobin whispers in your ear.

"That's because I am ill and I always will be. She deserves to be with someone who isn't a burden" your breathing begins to even out.

"Y/N don't do anything stupid. You trust us with your secret, you can trust her too"

"No, my mom trusted you. I didn't want people to know because they look at me like—“

"Like what"

"Like that" you point at both of the friends "Like I'm broken"

Walking away you feel their eyes burning into the back of your head but you don't look back. Christen stands near the door with her hand extended waiting for you to take it.

Once back in your room Christen goes straight into the bathroom and begins running the bath. It is something that calmed the two of you but funnily enough you haven't done it whilst being at camp. Your girlfriend comes back out to find you laid back on the bed, your eyes closed with one hand on your chest. She can just about hear you counting your breaths.

"Join me" Christen says from the door way but she doesn't get an answer, you don't even move.

"Baby, come join me" the softness in her tone when she calls you the name that made you feel like you're the only girl in the world gets your attention.

"I think i'm just going to lay here for a while"

"Look at me" your girlfriend demands and upon doing so see her standing there in nothing but her underwear "I wasn't asking"

The smirk that pulls at your lips in uncontrollable. The sight you saw had the power to bring to your knees and the past had proven that.

"Then I won't say no" you stand and remove your shorts and as you walk towards her you remove your top.

Christen is the first to get into the bath and she slides forward so that you can slip in behind her. She grabs your arms, wraps them around her and then covers your arms with her own.

"I love you Christen Press" you place a kiss to her jawline "but if something were to happen to me then I want you to move on" you feel a tear roll down your cheek but you cannot wipe it away "Please don't waste your years mourning me and don't be afraid to open your heart to another. You wouldn't be betraying me and although i'll be gone, i'll always be with you, in here" you place your hand over her heart.

"Y/N--" Christens shifts her weight.

"Don't look at me"

This was strange. You and Christen are very open about your feelings and aren't scared to be vulnerable around each other but whenever you shared these moments you wanted to feel as close to her as possible which lead to the two of you having eye contact.

"You are my one true love Y/N Y/L/N and should the worse happen, that will never change. I cannot make a promise to move on because I am not in control of my heart but I will promise to let love in should it come to me"

"I will love you Christen until my last day on earth and then long into the afterlife"

This time you don't stop her as she turns in the water so her legs are either side of you. You craved her touch and reassurance that everything would be ok only she couldn't tell you that. That night Christen makes you forget about how this pain in your chest has ended in the past and you don't think twice about whether you future is going to last a year or ten years.

Game day came on day 5 without your medication and you were starting to regret not going home to get them. Sleep had become nothing more than a long nap and every time you ran it felt like a marathon. Still you had been able to downplay your struggles and Jill put you in the starting 11 despite being concerned about you.

You knew there was one person you couldn't fool and you did your best to avoid her until the whistle. At the pitch inspection you stayed away from the Canadians but you saw Christine staring at you from a distance, by the look on her face you knew she knew. When she tipped her head towards the tunnel so she could speak with you, you shook your head.

"You should go see her" Christen nudges towards where your club captain is standing.

"And fraternise with the enemy. I would much rather fraternise with you" you whisper in her ear.

It seems that Christen buys your distraction as she doesn't bring it up again even when Christine waits by the locker room after the warm ups.

You think you have managed to evade your friend's questioning but when you stand in the line waiting to go out you have a bad feeling in your gut so when Christine walks by you grab her arm and pull her back towards you.

"I didn't bring enough medication with me" you confess.

Up until now you haven't been scared but the look Christine gives makes you feel just that.

"How long?" she keeps her reply short given the crowd of players that surround you.

"5 days" You see Christine eye up Jill as she walks past "No, don't. I can handle this game but you need to know if case something happens"

"What makes you think that?"

You bring you hand to your chest "gut feeling" you reply.

Once gain Christine's expression changes and the worry is not something she can hide. She pulls you into her arms and whispers in you ear.

"I know you can handle it especially when playing so be smart out there kid"

And that is exactly what you do or at least for the first 50 minutes it is. All of sudden you feel your chest tighten and you feet give way underneath you as your body goes into fight or flight response. You do everything in your power to fight but it is too hard. Within seconds you are laid out of the floor, instead of your heart beating rapidly it is slow, too slow.

"Y/N, what's wrong?" Christen kneels beside you.

Your eyes lock onto her, she is the reason why you want to fight but your lack of response does more harm than good. The team don't know what is happening so they don't call the medics over.

"Is it your heart?" Tobin asks having no care in the world about who hears her.

"What's wrong with her heart? Is this about the knock you took?"

You had been dreading this moment but somehow it has turned out worse than you imagined.

"I'm" you take a deep breathe "sorry"

"Why are you sorry? Tobin what is she sorry for? What is going on?"

Tobin looks at you and you use whatever energy you have left to shake your head.

"Sincy" you look at Tobin and she understands what you want but she doesn't want to leave your side.

Emily picks up on this "It's ok, i'll get her"

The defender turns to get your team mate only to see the opposing captain already running over.

"Move out of my way" Christine pushes her way through the white shirts.

"Sincy, it hurts" tears start to fall as fear begins to set in.

"Tobin get your medics now"

Christine looks at your team mates but her gaze ultimately falls on your girlfriend who looks petrified. Christen has one of your hands in hers, squeezing it so tightly that part of your fingers have turned white.

"I don't want to die" your words earn gasps from your team mates. Some of the Portland players are trying to hold back from crying as they know what this could mean.

"You're not going to die" Christen places a kiss to the back of your hand "Why would you die? You can't die. Christine" Christen looks up to the older player only to see her holding Tobin in her arms as she tries to console her "Tobin" at the sight on her best friend in tears she knows that something much bigger is going on.

The medics come running onto the pitch and in that very moment you realise that the secret you have kept for the last 27 years is about to come to light. When one of them starts asking question you know that you don't have it in you to answer them,  a mixture of not wanting to and not having the ability to.

"She has a heart defect and hasn't been taking her medication" Christine says when she realises you wouldn't say it. Your club captain proceeds to explain your condition in detail as well as your medical history.

"No" Christen shouts "She is fine, tell them you're fine Y/N. You're not sick, you just took a knock in your last game. I know you're not sick because you would have told me, we don't have secrets" tears are flowing freely down your girlfriends face.

"Y/N" Christen whispers when she feels your hand slowly loosen it's grip from her own.

"I don't want to die. I wan’t—" your breathing hitches once again as your bodies tries to inhale a much oxygen as possible.

"Baby, no" Christen leans forward and rests her forehead against yours.

"I'm sorry. I love you" those are are the last words you say and Christen is the last thing you see before it goes black.

"She's going into cardiac arrest. I need everyone to back up so we can try and save her life" One of the doctors say as the other one sprints away in search of the defibrillator.

"No, i'm not leaving her" Christen holds onto your unconscious form. It is only when Ashlyn pulls her away does she let go and begins sobbing into her friends arms.

The team stand there, helpless, as they watch the medics try to resuscitate you. All of them feeling a mixture of emotions. Some are angry at you, why didn't you tell them things had got this bad. Others feel guilty having known nothing about your condition, they begin wondering if the signs where there and they had just been too ignorant to see them.

Christen feels every emotion under the sun but the strongest one of them all is rage. You were her girlfriend and not only did you keep this from her, her best friend did too. You were the two people she trusted the most in the world yet today made it clear that trust wasn't reciprocated.

You are loaded into an Ambulance and taken the the nearest hospital. Christen is asked if she wants to go with you but she says no. The game gets suspended and the teams head back into their locker rooms. The US players planned on getting changed and heading straight to you.

The atmosphere in the locker room is something that neither of them have experienced before.

"You knew!" Christen shouts at Tobin.

"Chris" Pinoe tries to pull your girlfriend towards her locker but fails.

"No, I deserve an answer. My girlfriend was sick and you didn't tell me"

"It wasn't my secret to tell Christen. She made us promise not to tell you"

Tobin's words didn't exactly instil faith and calmness in her friend.

"Us?" Christen takes a step back and she scans the locker room. Now that's she is looking, it is very obvious who knew and who didn't "Emily, Lindsey. You knew too" Christen couldn't believe it.

"I didn't know things has gotten this bad. Y/N has episodes but she handles them on her own" Emily tells her.

"She doesn't like to talk about it" Lindsey adds.

"And Christine Sinclair knew" It isn't a question. The woman's action on the pitch made it obvious that she is very aware of your condition.

"I did"

Turning around Christen comes face to face with the women she was talking about.

"I have known since the beginning" the invisible spotlight that was placed on Christine made her nervous "I'm going to the hospital. Come with me and I will tell you everything"

Christen quickly replaces her boots with a pair of trainers, grabs a jacket and follows your captain.

Christen sat in the hospital waiting room alone. The seats either side of her remained empty because although her teammates wanted to support their friend, they knew it was just as important to give her space. It didn't make sense at first, you being ill, but then she begins replaying some of your recent conversations. Obviously the one you shared in the bath a few nights prior wasn't as hypothetical as Christen thought. Did you really think that Christen could move on from you?

"Family of Y/N Y/L/N"

Upon hearing your name the entire USWNT flock towards to the man clad in scrubs.

"I'm her girlfriend" Christen says as she stands directly in front of him.

"I'm sorry her file says to only discuss medical matters with direct family or Christine Sinclair, is that you?"

Christen couldn't believe what she is hearing. Even when you are in god knows what condition you are still determined to keep this from her.

"That's me. This is Christen Press and you can discuss Y/N's condition with her" Your friend has had enough of your secrets, Christen deserves the know the truth and at this point she knew that you could no longer hide it but that you would still try.

"Unfortunately Y/N coded again on the way here. Her heart had to work overdrive just to beat regularly and in the end it couldn't take it"

"No, She" your girlfriend couldn't believe what she was hearing "She can't die"

"She's alive Miss Press" The doctor confirmed "What I meant is that her heart couldn't take it which lead to the incident during your game. I spoke with her doctor in Portland and we agreed that minor surgery was needed until she can have a full exam when she returns home. Y/N is in recovery right now for observation then we will move her to a private room. I will have someone come get you when she is allowed visitors"

Christen stands frozen in her spot. Her mind, body and soul had grieved your death twice now even if it wasn't permanent.

"This is a good thing Chris" Tobin ignores the looks she gets as she talks to her best friend.

"How is this good Tobin? She almost died, no she did die. I lost her"

Tobin tries to pull Christen into a hug but she fights it. She takes her anger, which is rightly or wrongly is aimed at you, out on Tobin before surrendering.

"How could she not tell me Tobin? I'm suppose to be her person, she tells me she loves me yet—“

Christen is cut off before she can finish her sentence.

"You really don't get it do you" Christine says. After speaking to the doctor she found a seat near your Portland team mates "Y/N does love you more than you realise. It is the reason why she hasn't told you. I know that doesn't make sense but it does in her mind. Y/N has never told anyone about her heart condition"

"That's not true. You know, Tobin, Lynsey, Emily and I guess Becky knows, oh and dawn too, maybe even jill"

"You're right but that's not because Y/N told us. Her mom is reason why we know. She told us for this exact reason, in case something happens to her daughter and she isn't there to help her. In Y/N’s eyes she was protecting you by not telling you"

"That does sound like Y/N" Ashlyn sees sense in what the Canadian is saying.

"It doesn't make it ok"

"No it doesn't and for what it's worth Tobin has been begging Y/N to tell you since you started dating" Christine comes to her team mates defence.

Christen knows deep down that none of this was Tobin's fault and that her reaction was uncalled for. The way Tobin looks at her is something she has never seen before but then it hits her. You might have been her girlfriend but you are Tobin's best friend.

"I'm sorry Tobin. It just the thought of losing her is—“

"I know. It's scares me too"

When the pair hug, the team awe in response. For a brief moment the energy changes but it doesn't last long.

"Y/N is awake"

Having not needed to be told twice, Christen heads straight towards the nurse.

"You're going to have to wait sweetie. Y/N only wants to see Miss Sinclair"

It hurt. Once again you were choosing Christine over her and quite frankly Christen has had enough. A huge part of her wanted to say 'screw you' and leave. If you didn't want to see her then she wasn't going to stick around.

"Let's go get a coffee" Pinoe suggests which Christen agrees, Tobin follows in suit.

The three of them return just as Christine is storming through the hallway. Clearly nothing good happened in your room but it wasn't clear if the bad thing was related to the incident or something else.

"Christine, wait" Christen grabs her hand as she strides past them "What's wrong"

"She's unbelievable and all yours. I'm done"

Christen heads straight for you room, alone. The rest of the team know that there is conversation that needs to be had between the two of you and they had no right to be a part of it.

The sight itself is worrying. You are laid in the hospital bed, hooked up to several hospital wires and have a nasal cannula which is helping you breathe. All in all you didn't look well and it made the next words that came out of your mouth that much more frustrating.

"Don't look at me like that, i'm fine" your attempt at reassuring your girlfriend seems to have the opposite affect.

"No more lies Y/N. You're not fine. I watched you die, do you know what that was like?" Christen starts the speech that she had been planning in her head for the last couple of hours.

When you see her eyes begin to well up you want nothing more than to get out of the bed and comfort your girlfriend but you simply didn't have the strength. Instead you used what strength you did have to move over slightly so there was room for her near you.

"Come here"

Christen does so happily. Even though she is mad she has been craving the feeling of being in your arms and the solace it brings her.

"You knew this would happen. It's why you talked about you dying when we laid in the bath. You held me in your arms and we had a conversation which you knew could happen whilst I thought you were being hypothetical"

"I meant what I said. When I die I want you to move on with your life, not live in the past, in our past" once again you cannot bring yourself to make eye contact with your girlfriend.

Christen hovers her hand over your chest before placing it on your heart. The room goes quiet, enough so that you can hear her counting the beats under her breath. She is worried about you and you knew what the next couple of months would look like. Things are going to get a lot worse before they get better. You never wanted things to come to this and you certainly didn’t want to be the reason for Christen’s pain. It’s why you know the thing you are going to next is the right thing to do.

“Why did Christine leave?”

Well it looks like Christen is going to be the one to initiate the conversation only she has no idea what is about to come.

“I told her i’m not going to have the surgery when I get home. If I do then I'll miss the olympics and that isn’t something I am willing to do. I am going to have another minor surgery and work with the doctors so that I make it until the summer”

Christen lifts her head so she can see your face and what she is met with worries her. You are blank, almost emotionless but it was the facade you chose to put up in order get through this talk.

“No! You—“

“Christen the last few years we have shared have been incredible and I wouldn’t change a thing. I know you are mad at me for keeping this from you but I don’t regret it. If I had it my way you would have never found out. I wanted to protect you from the pain that comes with my condition because I saw what it did to my mom and I won’t have you going through the same worry”

“Y/N” Christen doesn’t like what she is hearing.

“I love you Christen Annemarie Press more than anything in this world and it’s why I can’t be with you”

Her eyes well up within seconds. Her breathing becomes erratic and it matches the increasing beeps on your monitor. You may be calm on the outside but the wires hooked up to your chest tell a different story.

“No. You don’t get to tell me your dying then break up with me, that’s not how this ends, I won’t let it” Christen refuses to acknowledge that you have decided to end your relationship.

“Chris” You reach out for her hand but she pulls away just as your fingertips touch.

“Why are you doing this? We’ve talked about our future, marriage and kids. I may not have known you were sick but you did and you still had those conversations. Were they lies too?”

You get up out of bed against your better judgement. You ignore the pain in your chest and the rapid beeping coming from behind you.

“I never lied to you, I withheld the truth, there is a difference. Those conversations we had were a fantasy, one that made me look forward to a future I knew I might not have. I am doing this because I love you way to much to break your heart just because mine is already broken”

Your emotions are starting to get the better of you whilst Christen has tears rolling down her cheeks. It was naive to believe you could break up with the love or your life and not have her fight for you.

“You are so selfish Y/N” Christen’s sadness has turned into rage “I am willing to stand by your side though all of this and you are pushing me away. You are making a decision for our future without letting me have a say”

“I might not have a future Christen!”

The volume of your tone is the last straw. Doctors who had been monitoring your vitals come rushing into the room to make sure that you are ok, your team mates follow in suit.

“Miss Y/L/N I need you to get back into bed before you rip open your stitches” One of the nurses try to usher you back toward the bed but you don’t move.

“Christen, Listen to me. I am doing this because I love you, one day you will see that. I have to let you go”

Christen waits in your room to hear you out but she doesn’t respond before leaving.

When you are back in bed you cannot bring yourself to look at any of your team mates. There are those that knew and some that didn’t. You chose to stare out the window and your friends leave one by one, soon enough it is just Tobin and Emily in the room.

“You’re not getting the surgery?” Emily asks you. She had been the one to follow Christine to find out what happened.

“I can’t. I want to go to Tokyo and I can’t if I get it. My doctor said the risks are very high given the stress that my heart is currently under and he’s not sure if it can take it. I meant what I said on the pitch, I don’t want to die” The blonde understood your reasoning and didn’t question it any further.

Tobin on the other hand. She has had enough with your stubbornness and you knew that a lecture was coming.

“Please don’t” you beg her

“You two were made for each other and you just threw that away, why?” Tobin asks you.

“Because it easier to mourn someone you hate than someone you love”

The next month was tough. You were back in Portland, a place you called home, but you had never felt more alone. Your friends were mad at you for not getting surgery, even Christine only spoke to you when her captain duties called for it. Christen spent the first week after the incident texting and messaging you. She was fighting for your relationship but you couldn't step into the ring for her.

You had to take a temporary step back from the team to recover and get back to a place where you can play high level soccer. You released a statement saying that you were stepping away in order to focus on your health. You didn't give the fans anymore details and they respected your wishes, the press on the other hand, well they wanted to know what the damage was.

Truth is you missed your friends and the loneliness that your stubbornness caused became overwhelming which only made things worse. Your doctor was pleased with the improvements you were making but after the first few weeks things took a turn for the worse. The temporary surgery you had in Arizona had reached its limits a lot sooner than your doctor had hoped.

It was three months later when it came to a head.

"When do I have to make the decision?" you ask.

You had just completed another round of tests and as you sit in your doctor's office you can tell by the energy in the room and the lack of eye contact of his behalf that things weren't good.

"I would like to do this as soon as possible and before you ask, it is my recommendation that we do the full repair"

"But what about the risks? I want to go to Tokyo and you said the best way for me to do that is to have the smaller surgery and reevaluate when I get back"

"Y/N if we don't do this surgery I cannot guarantee that you make it to the summer"

"So what you're saying is I have the surgery or become part of the 27 club?" You let out a small chuckle but nothing about this was funny.

"I'm sorry things have come to this and I know it isn't what you wanted"

"It's ok, these things happen" It was as if you had already admitted defeat.

When you get up from your chair it's as if time had slowed down. You walked over the window which ironically looks over Providence park. You had made so many memories there and you truly thought you would have years to make more, now though you're not too sure.

"Can I give you a piece of advice?" your doctor stands beside you "Talk to someone. It doesn't have to be about this but you can't close yourself off from everybody. You shouldn't keep your friends at arms length Y/N, they are there because they want to support you"

"I don't want to become their problem"  you confess.

"I made a promise to someone but they're not my patient you are" He goes back to his desk "Christen Press calls my office once a week to get updates on you"

You were both happy and angry after hearing this. On one hand it was nice to know she still cared but you had been killing yourself, literally, so that you could keep her away from this and your doctor has been telling her anyways.

"You had no right"

"No I didn't but it was the right thing to do. That women loves you Y/N. When faced with death most of my patients live life there's no tomorrow. They do all the things that are on their bucket list, they make memories with their friends and confess their feelings but you, you have done the opposite. You refuse to see or speak to anyone unless it is unavoidable and you push away the woman you love most in this world. I made a decision, one that I won't apologise for"

At this point your doctor was like family so he didn't mind calling you out when your were being stubborn or stupid.

"What if I hurt her?"

Dying doesn't scare you because you had been preparing for it your entire life. Being the reason that Christen cries herself to sleep at night, that is one of your greatest fears.

"You already are by pushing her away"

You knew he was right. It became obvious the moment you broke up with her but in your eyes you were hurting her a little bit now in order to keep from hurting a lot more later on.

"Can I call you tomorrow with an answer?"

"Of course"

When you leave his office your phone feels like it's burning a hole in your pocket. Every part of you wanted to hear Christen's voice but something was stopping you.

Ignorance had been your greatest ally as of late. If you weren't at the hospital or at rehab then you would tell yourself that you are healthy but you were no longer able to ignore the uncertainty of your future. Portland has been home since you went No1 in the draft so subconsciously you take yourself to Providence park which isn’t all that strange considering it’s about this time of day when training ends. You stop at a poster of you and Tobin after you won the championship last season, the two of you looked so happy and carefree.

"It's a good photo" you don't need to turn around in order to know who is there.

"Y/N and Heath, Portland's unstoppable force" It was a nickname that the fans gave the both of you years ago and it has stuck ever since.

"Well one of us is" Tobin jokes.

"I guess I deserve that. I've missed you Tobs" you hug her tightly with a force that she returns.

"You're scaring us Y/N. Everyone is worried about you. Christen isn't herself, she is barely sleeping, every time she closes her eyes she sees you on that pitch or worse. She told me the other night that she finds herself walking through cemetery and it is your headstone that she goes to"

"I never wanted any of this to happen. I just wanted to protect her, you do know that don't you?"

"Of course I do and she does too. I know you don't want to talk about it but please tell me you're getting better" Tobin pleads.

"I wish I could. I'm not going to go into detail because I don't want to put you in a position where you have to lie but I need to have the big surgery, the one I have been putting off, and i'm not sure if i'm ready to have it yet"

"You're scared?" Tobin asks and you nod "You will make the right decision Y/N and I know you want to do this alone but if you want me to then i'll be by your side through it all"

The offer meant more than Tobin knew. You truly thought that your behaviour over the past couple of months had burnt the bridges that you call your friendships.

"Thank you Tobin"

She joins you as you wander the city but after an hour she picks up on the fact that you wanted to be alone and before leaving she reminds you once again that she is only a call away should you need her.

You find a bench that over looks the water. You put your earphones in and dial Christen's number, praying to the higher powers that she answers, she doesn't. It didn't come as a surprise, you didn't deserve her time. You try again only this time you decide to leave a voicemail.

"Hi bab—, sorry I mean Christen, it's Y/N. I have been told that I should talk to someone and you are the first person that came to my mind. I—“

"Y/N? Are you ok? Is something wrong"

"Christen?" you pull your phone out of your pocket to see if the call has connected "you didn't pick up, I thought I was leaving a voicemail"

"Sorry I was in the shower. Is everything ok?"

"I want to talk to you but I need you to treat me like the old Y/N, not the weak and broken Y/N"

"You're not broken Y/N. You are human and sometimes humans get sick"

"Chris, please"

"Girlfriend Y/N or cocky and confident Y/N? Just so I know which Y/N I am speaking to?" she chuckles slightly as she allows herself to get lost in the game are playing.

"The one that loves you unconditionally"

"My favourite Y/N"

You ignore the butterflies that you feel when you hear Christen's voice. Despite everything that is going on with you and her, she still manages to calm you down without even trying.

"I remember the first time you took me home to meet your family, I was so nervous. I know how much they mean to you and although you are this independent woman who doesn't need anyones approval, you still wanted theirs and I thought for certain I wouldn't get it"

This was news to Christen. She couldn't have imagined this is how you felt given the way you strode into the Press family full of confidence and not willing to let anyone get in the way of your relationship.

"I didn't know that"

"Can you remember the end of the night when you Dad asked to speak to me outside?" you hear Christen hum on the other end "That was the calmest I had been the entire night"

"Y/N, that doesn't make sense"

"It does because I knew the 'nobody will be good enough for my daughter' speech was coming. He asked me if I deserved to be in his daughters life and I said no. It was an easy answer because although I had known you for a few years, we had only being dating for a few months and in that time you showed me just how amazing you are and part of me knew from the moment I met you that you were too good for me Christen. The next morning Channing and Tyler cornered me in the kitchen and asked me the same type of question. The only person who didn't was your mom"

"She told me to tell that she's really mad at you"

"She'll have to get in line. Can I continue?"

You take her silence as a yes.

"Your mom asked me why I don't trust that her daughter is making the right decision. I said because i'm not capable of loving you like you deserve and whether it be in one year or ten years, I will break your heart"

"Y/N"

"She told me breaking someone's heart isn't always a bad thing because if you have the power to do that then they must love you with every fibre of their being and that isn't something to be sad about. She said when the day comes, I won't do it on purpose because if I do then I would be hurting myself in the process"

"When the day comes? She knew?"

"I asked myself the same question. Her words were filled with so much comfort that I was sure she did but it wasn't possible"

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I knew from day one that this wasn't going to end well and I pursued it anyways. I was selfish and I have hurt you when I spent years making sure that didn't happen"

When the line goes quiet you are sure that Christen has hung up. You wouldn't be angry if she did, it was nice of her to give you the time that she had.

"Can you remember the night before the world cup final when we walked the streets of Paris?"

This is how the rest of the night went. You and Christen went back and forth sharing your favourite memories from your time together. Every so often she would change the subject to your health but it was only for a second then she would go back to her story.

The night draws in and the temperature drops but you are too content sitting by the water, admiring the view and talking to Christen. A dog comes running up to you, the bark makes Christen question where you are.

"Y/N where are you?"

"On a bench"

"You should go home"

"But I don't want to say goodbye"

Both of you go silent. The heaviness of the words you just said bring back the reality of what has been going in.

"There's no reason for you to say goodbye" Christen says and it's obvious even she didn't believe the words that are coming out of her mouth.

"Chris"

"No, I won't have this conversation with you over the phone. If you want to say your goodbyes then you do it in person"

"I love you and my heart, as broken as it may be, belongs to you and it will do until my last day on earth and then long into the afterlife"

A strong sense of Deja Vu hits you and Christen. You had said this before but the meaning is different now.

"Stop"

"I need surgery Christen and the risks are high but if I don't have it then I don't know how long—“

"Y/n, please" Christen begs you from her end of the phone "I know you broke up with me and I know why but I love you"

"Christen, stop. I can tell what you're thinking. Please don't come to Portland"

"But I want to be with you"

"I am only a phone call away but I need space to do this ok?"

"I want to make a deal. No more radio silence. You call me every day, whether it is a good day or a bad one. I'll give you your space but I need you in my life"

Christen's determination was admirable and you wouldn't expect anything less.

"We have a deal"

"Pinky promise?"

"Ok"

"I need to hear you say it"

"Christen I pinky promise to call you everyday"

You decided not to get the major surgery. Life is short, you know this more than most, so you took your chances and worked with the physios to get you fit and healthy in time for the summer. It was difficult and there were days that you felt like giving up but you persisted, maybe a little too hard.

The bad days came along more than the good days but you kept your promise to christen. You called her everyday, sometimes twice.

You were promised a spot on the olympic roster if the doctors cleared you. It didn't matter if you didn't take part in the camps. The staff and players knew you belonged on the team, you could take a year off and still step on the pitch like no time had passed.

Just before the send off series, a rematch against Canada was organised. Due to the history of the fixture both teams felt they owed the fans a full 90 minute match. They agreed to have the game in Portland seen as though the city means so much to you.

Christen wanted to go to your apartment as soon as she landed but in the end she chooses to respect your wishes.

Your absence in the locker room was obvious. It was the first time that the national team had played without you in years and each player struggled with the thought of not having you on the pitch with them. Christen kept checking her phone every few minutes, you hadn’t had your morning call and something didn’t feel right. What she saw next seemed to add fuel to the fire.

“You can’t wear that?” Christen says when she watches Mallory change into her shorts. There on the left side was the number 7.

“Y/N told me to wear it” Mal’s defence was honest. She remembers getting the call from you, at first it was strange but then you explained the reason why and the young forward saw it as an honour.

“She would never do that” it is Tobin who speaks up “It’s her number and she wouldn’t give it up, not when she knows she’s—“ your best friends stops herself when she realises what you have done.

“When she’s what?” Mal asks.

“Never mind” Tobin retreats to her locker where she tries to call you only to get your voicemail.

The game ends in a 1-1 draw. Both halves were uneventful but the post match press conference made up for that. Canada goes first and as Christine Sinclair sits down she has no idea what she is in for.

The US team watch from the changing room given that their captain is next and they want to see what she gets asks.

“Christine do you have a comment on the latest news regarding your Portland Thorns team mate Y/N Y/L/N?”

It was a question that threw not only her off but the entire USWNT locker room. As far as they were aware you were recovering well and on track to return to the team.

“What news is that?” Christine says as she ignores the pit that is forming in her stomach.

“What are they talking about?” Christen asks Tobin. The insecurities of been left in the dark regarding your condition come straight to the surface.

“I don’t know” Tobin tries to hide her worry.

The journalist who asked the question remains quiet. It was clear that Christine didn’t know what he was talking about and he knew that a press conference wasn’t the right place to tell her and he shouldn't be the one to do so.

“Tell me, please” Christine encourages the journalist.

“I have a source that tells me Y/N was brought into OHSU this morning by ambulance and that she was rushed into emergency heart surgery” she can tell by the tone of his voice that he didn’t want to say it.

“This press conference is over” Christine leaves and heads straight for the opposing teams locker room.

The room that holds your team is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. They were all in a state of shock that left them frozen in their spot. The first to move is Emily who calls your number time and time again hoping that if she does it enough then you will pick up. Tobin is next, she calls you mom who doesn’t answer either.

“Hello”

Christen’s voice fills the locker room.

“Ok, I understand”

Her team mates watch and wait for her to tell them something, anything. Christen takes a deep breathe before turning her attention to the team.

“That was her doctor’s office. All they can tell me is that she is in surgery”

Christen takes a deep breath. A few days ago she begged you for honesty and against your better judgement you gave it to her. You told her everything and what followed was never part of your plan. After cooking a meal together over face time Christen asked you to say goodbye and you knew you owed her that. It wasn't a sad goodbye and you didn't talk about your past. You talked about a life where you are healthy, get married, have children and live long enough to grow old together then at the end you said your goodbyes.

It is the reason why Christen remains in her locker when the rest of the team get ready to go the hospital. Even as Christine comes to tell them the news that they already know, she remains still and calm.

"Christen, get your stuff together, we need to go" Tobin tells her.

Yet she doesn't move.

"I'm not going"

"I understand that things aren't great between the two of you but this is bad and she needs you"

That's the thing, even though you wasn't dating, you and Christen were in a good place. There were no more lies between you and it made your friendship stronger than it ever was.

"I've already said my goodbye and I don't want my last memory to be of her in a hospital bed"

The team couldn't believe what they were hearing. They had no idea you were at a point when goodbyes were necessary.

Given the seriousness of the surgery you were having, most of the team decide to go back to the hotel while a handful of them went to to the hospital.

Christen however asks for space and the team give it to her. She doesn't go back to the hotel, instead she goes to your apartment and uses the key you gave her to let herself in. She goes straight to your room and gets changed into a pair of your joggers and grabs a hoodie as she brings it up to her nose she takes a deep breathe in, it smelled just like you.

She gets into your bed, the one that you shared many times before. Then she gets her phone, opens up your thread of messages and scrolls until she find the one she is looking for. It was a voice note followed by the text 'don't listen now. Wait until it's time'. At first she thought it was vague but right now she knew now is the time you were referring to.

Hearing your voice knowing that there's a chance she won't hear it in person again brings Christen to tears and all you're doing is mumbling words of frustration as you have knocked a drink over whilst recording.

"Sorry about that. Now, what was I going to say? Oh yeah, I love you. It's been a while since I have told you that but if you're listening to this then i'm guessing you need to hear it. I know you are scared right now but I want you to know everything is going to be ok, I promise"

"How can you promise that?" Christen says to the phone.

"And I can promise that because you are one of the strongest people I have ever met"

She laughs at little at how much you know her.

"I know we said our goodbyes but now I want to say thank you. Living the life I have means that I have cherished everyday I've spent on this earth and those days have been better than I could have ever imagined because I got to share them with you. You see I was determined not to fall in love but then you came along and I found out how naive I was to think I had a choice in the matter"

"I didn't have a choice either Y/N" she replies as if you are there in the room with her.

"I never feared death growing up but now the thought petrifies me and it's because I have something to lose and somebody to live for. I want a future with you, I want to marry you, will you marry me? No Y/N what are you doing you can't ask the women to marry you over voice note pull yourself to together"

A small chuckle escapes christen's lips are she listens to you tell your self off.

"Would you marry me?"

She had never heard you sound this unsure before.

"I would" she answers your questions.

"I hope you said yes otherwise this next part is going to be very awkward. I take it your in my apartment right now and in my bed, if I am correct then you can open the draw to the left of you where you will find a small box"

Christen's interest had spiked. How did you manage to plan all of this over a voice note. Just as you said she finds a red box and awaits further instructions.

"Open it"

She does so and finds a diamond ring.

"This ring is open for interpretation but for me it's a reminder. Should I die I want you to remember the love that I have for you. I bought it during the world cup but I told myself that I would only give you it after I had told you about my condition. Can I class this as me giving it to you?"

You are about to answer your own question once again but out of nowhere you begin coughing and Christen winces at the sound. She doesn't know when you recorded the message but given that you are in surgery she can guess it was recorded in the last couple of days.

"Sorry, give me a minute"

Christen listens as you try to get your breath back.

"I really hope this is not the last time you hear my voice" she can tell you are scared.

"My dying wish is that you find peace"

"Don't say that" Christen begs.

"I truly am sorry for the pain that I have caused you. I never wanted it to happen. Goodbye my love"

Christen waits for you to say to more but you don't. That is the last part of the voice note. She lays in your bed long enough to watch the sunset through your window. In the same draw that held the ring is a photo album, one that you had made. There were photos taken over your career, of you and your friends and quite a few of you and her.

Later that night Christen receives a text from Tobin saying that you are out of surgery and that you should wake up in a few hours once the anaesthesia has worn off. Then she received a second message saying that you had woken up but Christen stayed in your apartment. When her phone goes off again she assumes it will be Tobin asking why she hasn't come to visit but that isn't the case.

Have you been watering my cactus?

Christen cannot believe it. You have just had major heart surgery and this is the thing you say.

You don't need to water a cactus. They live in the desert.

I knew that. I was just testing you.

She doesn't get the chance to respond before you send another message.

I know I scared you. Will you come and see me? It doesn't have to be today, it can be in a couple of days or whenever you are ready. It's not like I can go anywhere.

I'll come by the day after tomorrow. You need your rest.

You were disappointed to receive Christen's reply. You may have been surrounded by your mom and close friends but the only person want to see wasn't there.

Just as she said, Christen walks the halls of the hospital two days later. She finds your room but cannot muster up enough courage to go inside.

"She's ok" your mom's voice causes her to turn on her heels "The wires make it look worse than it actually is"

"I don't know if i'm ready to see her like that yet" Christen admits. It was the reason why she had waited this long to come.

"I understand but she has been waiting for you. You were the first person she asked for when she woke up"

"Is she alone?"

"No Tobin is in there with her now. She hasn't left the hospital since she got here after the game but she was asleep when I left. I'll give you some time with her" and with that your mom walks away.

The door to your hospital room opens and you are expecting your mom or more doctors but instead it is the person you love most in the world.

"Hi"

When you see Christen you notice the dark circles in her eyes and the way her smile is forced. You look her up and down as if doing your own inspection and that is when you see it.

Christen is overcome with emotion as she saunters over towards you and before you can say anything her lips are on yours. Nothing in this world compared to moments like this, when your connection with Christen is proven through a small act of intimacy.

When you pull apart Christen sits on the side of your bed.

"Nice ring" you hold her hand up just enough to see the diamond glisten in the lights.

"Crappy proposal"

At least now you know Christen listened to the voice note and wasn't just snooping around.

"It's wasn't a proposal remember? And I don't recall telling you which finger it was for" There is a hint of playfulness in your voice but the truth of the matter is you were happy to see Christen wearing the ring but then she takes it off and gives it to you.

"Y/N you gave me this ring because you thought our story was over but it isn't. Regardless of how long it is, we have a future together and I want to spend it with you so no more running, no more secrets or lies and no more protecting me from this" Christen gentles rests her index finger on your heart "You may not have proposed but right here I take the vow to love you in sickness and in health and to be your partner in the good times and bad"

You didn't know what to say. Christen knew everything and she still chose to stand by your side. You always said you didn't deserve her and now you know this more than ever but the difference is you are determined to spend your life making up for the years you spent keeping her in the dark. You will earn back her trust and show her just how much you love her.

[irrelevantnostalgia]

Cake Mania: To the Max! (2011): Part 1

ᆞPᆞᆞlᆞᆞoᆞᆞtᆞ

Jill and Jack are looking through Jill's old photo album with their twins and come across Jill's high school days. She starts to reminisce about the days of shoulder pads, neon everywhere, and her awkward phase. These high school days become the final installment of the Cake Mania series, where this time the players time travel back to 1989 to when Jill was navigating prom, applying to college, and figuring out what she wanted to do with her life! A fairly simple plot, a nice way to wind down this series from the evil directors and time travel to 500 BC and cake-baking in an aquarium. Almost like a nod to the normalcy of the first Cake Mania game, where we see the beginnings of Jill's adult life. This game goes back to the classic Cake Mania format with 100 levels of cake-baking only.

Fun fact, this is the first time I was able to finish this game in full! When I used to play this game back in the day, the fuck ass PC wiped my data once I reached around level 60. This happened to me twice. Another time when I actually got past level 60, I would get stuck on a later level where I would be unable to achieve even the bare minimum baking goal. I raged so hard about all these instances that I avoided playing the game for years (almost a decade lol).

ᆞWᆞᆞhᆞᆞaᆞᆞtᆞ'ᆞsᆞ ᆞNᆞᆞeᆞᆞwᆞ

Interior Mode: A big change in this game is that there is an "interior mode" option for the shopping/upgrade center. Now, you can "upgrade" the walls, floor, counter and door just like you can the oven or froster. This may seem similar to the "building upgrade" in Cake Mania Main St + Lights, Camera, Action since upgrading the building also changed the interior design of the building, but unlike in those games, the upgrades are supposed to confer actual advantages in gameplay.

Upgrading the walls is supposed to help with increasing tips, the floor is supposed to help Jill get around faster, the door is supposed to help with customer patience, and the counter upgrades help make room for more customers at a time. There are two one-time upgrades you can also make--buying a flower-pot can help make the sugar-rush last longer and buying a lamp permanently stops the equipment-breaking (yes, they kept this from the last game!).

For the most part, this is an excellent way to sprinkle-up the game and add more stuff to purchase to make the game less monotonous as you progress through the later levels. Compared to the rest of the games where eventually your profits made per level rise exponentially and never get spent past you getting all the key upgrades, I was budgeting out from Day 1 all the way to the very end.

In my personal opinion, I don't think all the interior upgrades really added much to improve gameplay. The counter getting longer does actually help in getting more customers on the screen at a time and more tips from the walls is always welcome. The two one-time upgrades were both good too, especially since it takes a while for you to save up funds for the lamp so it feels like a huge reward once you do get it. However, the door and floor upgrades didn't *feel* all that helpful. Upgrading Jill's shoes had more of an effect on helping her get around than the floor, and a cookie and the right channel do more for customer patience than the door. I would even say nothing makes those fuckers happy.

Speaking of helping reduce monotony, in this game there are some differences in how equipment is upgraded. Rather than buying 3 separate ovens and upgrading them individually, you instead have one massive oven with 4 compartments. You have to buy the compartments as well as additional cake shape options, but the speed upgrades affect the entire oven instead of each individual compartment. Meanwhile, the cake froster + decorator upgrades follow the same upgrade pattern but it doesn't just stop at gold. There are additional upgrade speeds you get until the final one, which looks like some brutalist industrial bullshit.

I'm sorry but it simply did not slay. I was hoping for some tacky neon 80s realness as the final upgrade.

Essentially, the point of all the previous word vomit is that in this game there are so many upgrades that you will be hustling and checking your budget from the beginning to the end, which is not something you do in the previous games (for the most part). I won't lie, I played this game twice and took two different approaches to upgrades and there would still be places that were not fully upgraded or there would be equipment that I would not get to purchasing at all.

Similar to the upgrades keeping you on your toes from beginning to the end in this game, so do the customers in some cases. I feel like a broken record, but in the previous games once you got to a certain point in the cake-baking game you could handle whatever customer pile-up gets thrown your way without thinking too hard about it. Even in the last game where you had the Lola Fierezzas changing everyone's orders. I wouldn't say that every level in this game had me locked in devoting 50% of my brain to ergonomics, but there was a certain type of level that stood out to me that I felt like I didn't experience before in my journey with Cake Mania. Let's introduce two characters.

80s Movie Mean Girl

Favorite TV show: Aerobics

She pairs up with other cheerleaders in the line.

Her name is Cindy and she is Jill's """"love rival""". I put that in heavy quotations because the Big Jock is interested in Jill but she is not into him, and Cindy is salty that Big Jock pays attention to Jill. Cue passive aggressiveness, which even spills into gameplay because she tips like ass. I'll be making 3-tier cakes for her and getting a fraction of what I would get if I made one for another customer, which makes levels where she shows up a significant amount really annoying to play.

Now let's introduce another character

DnD Dweeb

Favorite TV show: Cooking show

Do you see my pain now? Having him make a recurring appearance in a level was an absolute nightmare when it came to me wanting to obtain all superstar baking goals. The moment this twerp would show up in line I would pray that I could drop everything and get his cake out of the way so I could keep my properly compensating customers. Ngl though, if he wanted a 3 layer cake I would just take the L. Not giving myself carpel tunnel over this shit.

To deal with his appearances I invested in an overnight fridge earlier than I usually would purchase one so I could have expensive cakes ready to fly out, and I would constantly purchase a one-time-use power-up available in the upgrade shop that gets a customer out of the way. There were multiple levels with this dynamic and it was the worsttt.

On the flip side, I actually have to appreciate the aforementioned Big Jock for coming in because....

♥ Evil Bully from 80s movie ♥

Favorite TV show: Cooking show

He orders multiple times

Honestly, I think the real bully is gonna be the DnD Dweeb for turning this guy into a no-tipping ass cheerleader and making me hustle harder to meet my goals! Plus he increases the hearts on the other customers which is another point from me. One of the most satisfying feelings was collecting profits from this guy cause you would get like a $100+ boost! Lore wise, he is just an annoying fuck who is into Jill and doesn't pick up on the very obvious hint that she does not want to be his prom date.

There is another new aspect added to this game, which really did nothing for me. Instead of having me describe it with more word vomit, let me just share the screenshots:

Before I introduce the characters used for this example Imma just keep it real: I never used this shit as a part of my strategy to make customers happier. I just feel like gameplay moves way too fast to really give a shit especially when you have tools like the TV and cookies to keep them at bay. Really, what I would use this for is to just move customers up if there was a space between them just to make walking easier for Jill. Perhaps if I played this game in a more relaxed manner I could focus on different characters and how they impacted each other just based on line placement. But frankly, I didn't notice anything super obvious, besides the two characters used for the example. Speaking of...

Megumi Fushiguro

Favorite TV Show: News

He doesn't like "new wave guy"

Yuri Plisetsky if he had a stupid haircut

Favorite TV Show: News

He doesn't like "punk guy". Someone needs to create a new manga over these two STAT! Also, my personal headcanon is that this guy is the high school version of the businessman introduced in the first Cake Mania.

ᆞMᆞᆞoᆞᆞrᆞᆞeᆞ ᆞCᆞᆞhᆞᆞaᆞᆞrᆞᆞaᆞᆞcᆞᆞtᆞᆞeᆞᆞrᆞᆞsᆞ

Businessman Sr.

Favorite TV Show: Rock Concert

This guy has to be New Wave Guy's dad.

80s Bridezilla

Favorite TV Show: News

Unlike in the first Cake Mania where her younger sister is most likely Bridezilla, she actually has a similar Pirate/Mr Dinosaur effect where her flipping out causes others to flip out and leave.

Cop

Favorite TV Show: Rock Concert

♥Doctor♥

Favorite TV Show: Aerobics

420 Blaze It

Favorite TV Show: Aerobics

Seasons may change and the years may go on by....but this guy will always be high

Klepto Kelly (ft her Emo BF)

Favorite TV Show: Aerobics

Seasons may change and the years may go on by....but her desire to steal your money is always sky-high

Birth Control Inspo

Favorite TV Show: Rock Concert

Little Kid

Favorite TV Show: Aerobics

(Dr.) Miss Lily

Favorite TV Show: Aerobics

She is That Girl cause everyone wants to change their order to hers! I would especially let it happen if these customers came in with some basic fuckass cakes that would make no money. Plus, per Jill, she is also a doctor. Based on her cute and relaxed fit (unlike the scrubs doc) I could see her being a dermatologist or endocrinologist. Maybe psychiatrist cause she knows how to convince others to change their orders

Thanks to Tumblr's 30-picture limit in text posts, I will have to split this review up into two posts. Stay tuned for part 2!

[kitteneddiediaz]

Begging you to tell me about Soccer au 🫶🦛

Hi Hippo! This answer really got away from me haha

Oh my gosh okay I'm so excited for this fic. I haven't written anything for it except for maybe a super small bit of dialogue from a smut scene. Which - never in my life did I think I would write smut where the dirty talk involves soccer terminology but... here we are...

Essentially, the fic would be a super super super long slow burn enemies to lovers Buddie fic. I actually thought of this idea months and months ago, but only recently started talking (mostly to @tizniz) about it.

American soccer infodump incoming: MLS has two soccer teams from Los Angeles - LAGalaxy and LAFC. LAFC was founded in 2018, and Galaxy was one of the original 10 teams from MLS' first season in 1996. Since LAFC has joined the conference though, they've ended the regular season higher than LAGalaxy all but once, and LAFC has been 1st place in the western conference twice, while the highest Galaxy has been in the standings since 2018 was 4th place. And as of 2024 LAFC was worth $1.2B whereas Galaxy was worth $950M. Both teams have big name players - but LAFC has more money vs Galaxy having more history.

And so the rivalry between the two teams is INSANE, like super crazy insane for a number of reasons. The two teams rivalry draws in attendance numbers that is only second to the Portland-Seattle rivalry up north (GO TIMBERS (also fun anecdote here - one time I went to a game in Portland, and when we won the ENTIRE stadium started chanting "FUCK SEATTLE"... we played Minnesota that day...)) but it has the highest attendance from any two teams that are in the same state. Another cool thing is that when the two rivals go head to head (which - their rivalry games are called El Trafico), Galaxy has won 9 times, LAFC 7, and they've tied 5 times. So even though Galaxy wins against them more, they always seem to do worse during the season. (One last point I need to make is that the LAFC fans have wayyyyy cooler kits than Galaxy).

So my idea with this was to have Buck as a young hotheaded striker on LAFC - he's got crazy stats and scores goals really well, but he can be kinda an asshole. But he's been with LAFC fore 3 seasons now, and doesn't have any plans to switch teams as long as LAFC will keep renewing his contract

Eddie is a center midfielder for LAGalaxy on a brand new one-year contract that may or may not be renewed depending on how well he played during the season that he's signed. But he ends up playing REALLY WELL. And during the 3 matches a year that El Trafico happens Buck HATES Eddie because he's really good at winning the ball back and pressing forward to push the attack; as well as pulling his team back to build defense and maintain defense around the goal box. And he makes Buck's life a LIVING HELL because he's one of the few players Buck's gone up against that can keep up with him. So games get super chippy when they're on the pitch together.

And via Eddie's gameplay, Galaxy spends most of the season above LAFC in standings. But then he gets INJURED during a game, and is out for about 2 months recovering and in that time the Galaxy's standings plummet while LAFC charges ahead (also, Buck watches all of the LAGalaxy games to "study" how they play so he can be more effective next time he plays against them... but really he just watches Eddie the whole time)

Eddie comes back, and Galaxy makes it to the playoffs, but gets knocked out by another team and LAFC gets like 2nd or 3rd place in the western conference that season. So then Eddie's contract is up, and he's about to renew it with LAGalaxy when LAFC counteroffers with a MUCH higher pay grade. Eddie accepts, and is now an LAFC player. Buck of course doesn't find out about this until Eddie shows up to practice on the first practice day of the season. And Buck is pissed that this guy (who didn't even know Buck had a rivalry with him) is now on his team, but eventually as they play more and more together, they realize how well they feed off of each other on the field, and LAFC ends up having a really great season. The NEXT season, after they've gotten the hang of each other is when LAFC wins the championship, and Buck ends up breaking the LAFC records for most goals scored in one season because of how well Eddie did assisting him with scoring that year.

And through all this they get to be really close and eventually fall in love.

And then they both play during world cup - Buck for USA and Eddie for Mexico, and Mexico ends up winning the World Cup. So there's this whole circle of Eddie beating Buck during MLS and him being pissed about it, and then Eddie beating Buck during World Cup and him being proud of Eddie for it... plus they get to have a laugh about finally being rivals again. And when the finals end up being USA v. Mexico, Buck realizes that he's in a fun position that no player (other than now Eddie) has been in before where no matter if he wins or loses, the FIFA trophy will end up in his house. He also realizes that he's never won a professional game against Eddie which makes him laugh.

So... yeah! That's my soccer fic I really want to write! I would have so much fun with it I love soccer. Thank you for asking about it!!! <3

[emma-m-black]

The Daughter - Chapter Three

Tim Gutterson x OC (FanFiction) - MATURE 18+

Tim Gutterson comes to the unconventional aid of one Elenora Crowder, ward of Art Mullen and daughter of Raylan Givens.

This will be a multi chapter story and will get spicy as it goes. This is a rough draft and only slightly edited for grammar and spelling. Just needed to finally get it out because Tim Gutterson is one of my favorite characters, and there is not nearly enough fanfic for him.

Author Master List

Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three,

Chapter Three:

When Elenora awoke, she did not remember how she had gotten into bed.

She felt hungover, maybe almost worse than hungover. Her head was fine, but her body was stiff. After a slug of a walk to her bathroom, she showered under the hottest water she could stand, and when she had washed both her body and hair twice, she felt a hundred times better.

Elenora had gotten dressed in a simple pair of black skinny jeans and a loose fitting thin white sweater. Its collar was high on her neck to ward off some of the chill from both the night air and the air-conditioning at the school. A pair of large gold-rimmed glasses sat perched on her nose and her slightly damp hair clung to her cheeks. She moved to collect her jacket from the back of her desk chair, only to discover a green jacket that was not hers. For a moment, she had forgotten that hers would still be in her SUV, which was at the school. Lifting the jacket towards her face, she inhaled Tim’s scent. Something sweaty and a hint of fire smoke. It reminded her of the night after the bar, when they had gone back to his place, and she had laid with her head on his chest as he ran a finger up and down her arm. Something that had felt so natural that she would have thought they had done it a hundred times.

Draping the jacket over her arm, Elenora picked up her book bag and plucked a pencil from her desk. Heading to the kitchen, Elenora found Art and Leslie sitting at the table, each with a cup of coffee in their hand. “Good morning.”

“Moring Elenora. Did you sleep okay?”

“Yeah, surprisingly. Would you mind if I came with you to the office with you today, Art? I would like to thank that Deputy for helping me last night and return his jacket.”

“I need you to sign a statement for me about what happened, so we can do that as well.”

Elenora gave a nod and draped Tim’s jacket over her bag. With the pencil she took, she spun her hair around it and shoved the point through the bun that had been created, effectively holding it in place. “I’m ready when you are.”

“Okay.” Art stood up and placed his coffee on the table. Moving past Leslie, he dipped down and gave her a kiss on the top of her head. “See you at dinner.”

“You have a good day now, and say hi to Tim for me, Elenora. It was mighty nice of him to bring you home last night.” Leslie gave Elenora a wink, and she wondered if something had happened during the missing time in her memory from the night before.

The ride to the courthouse was quiet and once Art had escorted Elenora through security, the two made their way into the elevator. When the doors opened on the floor, the two stepped out, along with a small throng of other people going about their day. Art held the door open for her and allowed Elenora to enter first.

Her eyes zeroed in on him right away. Tim was sitting behind the desk closest to Art’s office. He was leaned back in his chair, rocking it back and forth as he focused on whatever was on his computer screen.

“I’ll go grab the papers from my desk. Just meet me in the conference room when you're done talkin’ with Deputy Marshal Gutterson.”

Art saying his name seemed to grab Tim’s attention and his eyes shot up from his computer screen to lock onto hers. He got up from his seat a little too fast to be casual, but if it appeared unusual, Art did not say anything as he walked into his office.

“I wanted to return your jacket to you, and thank you for what you did last night.” Elenora held out Tim’s jacket to him and he took it with a smile. She noticed Art look at her through the glass of his office and point to the room next door. She nodded her head in response.

“I’ll let you return the favor one day.” Said Tim with a smile.

“What save you from being kidnapped?”

“Have you seen me? Lookin like this, I’m getting jumped at once, twice a week.”

Eleanor laughed. “Your getting jumped because you wear a badge, although.” She took a step towards the conference room and next to Tim. “I wouldn’t blame them for jumping ya.”

“Cause I carry a badge or because of my dashing good looks?”

“I’ll let you decide, Marshal.”

With that, Elenora walked into the conference room. Art directed her to sit and quickly he went over what the papers said and told her where she needed to sign. Before she knew it, she was done, and she and Art were walking back out into the main room. “Let me just make a phone call and I can drop you off at your SUV.” Said Art as he walked into his office. Elenora looked around and found Tim talking to Rachel, whom Elenora has visited with the few times she had been in the courthouse.

“Hey Rachel.” Greeted Elenora as she approached the two.

“Hey Elenora. I heard about what happened. I’m glad you’re okay.”

“You should have seen her. It was quite the takedown.” Said Tim, a tone of pride in his voice.

A smile raised on Elenora’s lips and she could feel her cheeks warm. “If only my daddy hadn’t banned me from law enforcement.”

“How is school going? You must be about to graduate?”

“Yeah. Last final is Friday. Already got a job lined up at Sayre’s Private School.”

“That’s great, and just across the street. It’ll make it easy for us to grab a coffee.” Said Rachel, with a genuine smile on her face.

“Ah, that explains this sexy authority thing you got goin’.” Said Tim. “You can put me in detention any time, Ma’am. Use the paddle and everything.”

Elenora felt the heat spread all over her body in both embarrassment and horror.

“Tim!” Rachel gasped in horror as she looked at her team mate. Then she turned to look at Elenora. “I apologize for him. The man has no filter and generally speaks without thinking.”

“It be weird if I didn’t.” Replied Tim with a casual shrug as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “Did you need a ride to your car? I still need to finish up my lead in that area.”

“That be great, thank you. Rachel, can you let Art know Tim’s gonna drop me off?”

“Of course. Just don’t be afraid to smack him when he gets goin’ now.”

As if to emphasize Rachel’s words, Tim threw an arm out toward the doors and took a deep bow. “This way, my lady.”

Both Rachel and Elenora let out a laugh as Tim righted himself. Without another word, Tim and Elenora headed out of the office and towards the elevator. They waited casually until the doors finally opened, and once everyone had filed out, they went in. Tim pushed the button for the garage and the two watched as the doors closed, leaving them together, alone in the elevator.

Once they were closed and before Elenora could even comprehend what had happened, she found herself pinned against the elevator wall, the buzz of the emergency stop ringing in her ears and Tim’s lips against her own. One of his hands was on her hip and the other had wormed its way into her hair, effectively knocking the pencil from its home. At some point, and what she figured must have been instinct, she had dropped her bag as her own hands moved to the back of Tim’s neck. The kiss was hard and hungry, and just as fast as it happened, it was over, and the two had pulled away from each other. Each deeply breathing and with an itch they could not scratch in the elevator. “I’ve had this dream before.” Elenora whispered with a smile.

“Ooo, I expect you to tell me all about it later.” Tim responded with a smirk before restarting the elevator, and Elenora picked up her bag and pencil.

Right away, the doors opened on the next floor down and a few patrons entered, so Elenora and Tim shifted towards the back. They stood shoulder to shoulder as they watched the people file in and out of the elevator. As they were nearing the garage level, Elenora felt Tim lean into her. “You know, never thought my type was a naughty school teacher.” It came out as nothing more than a whisper and she was sure had anyone else in the elevator heard, they would have turned around.

After what seemed like an eternity, the doors to the elevator opened and everyone filed out including themselves and Elenora noticed Tim’s hand had fallen to her lower back like it had in the past, and she let him softly guide her through the garage to where he was parked. Once they arrived at the SUV, Elenora turned to look at Tim and leaned against the door. “So what happened last night when you dropped me off? I don’t really remember much after gettin’ in the SUV, and Leslie was looking at me like she knew a secret.”

Tim gave up a smirk and stuck his hands in his pockets. “You may have muttered something about being madly in love with me when we got in the house.”

“No...” Elenora’s eyes went wide and her hand, which still held the pencil, moved up to cover her mouth in horror.

“You fell asleep shortly after we started the journey. Didn’t wanna wake you so I carried you inside. It wasn’t anything special.” Tim said with a shrug of his shoulders, but Elenora knew there was more to the story.

Elenora just smiled in response. “Would that lead of yours involve some coffee and breakfast?” Turning around, Elenora allowed Tim to open the passenger door for her and she hopped in before Tim placed a hand on the frame of the SUV and another on the inside of the door before leaning in towards her.

“Don’t you have class?”

“No, it’s just a week of studying and my final. I can spare some time for food, ooh! Ice cream. Can we go somewhere with ice cream and coffee?”

Tim’s eyes scrunched up and Elenora knew exactly what was going through his brain. It was the same thing everyone thought when she mentioned ice cream for breakfast. “You want ice cream for breakfast?”

“Yeah, eggs, milk. It’s no worse than a pancake slathered in syrup.”

“I don’t know if I can be friends with someone who has ice cream for breakfast.”

“I don’t know if I can be friends with someone who doesn’t have ice cream for breakfast.”

Leaning in a little more, Elenora watched as Tim’s eyes fluttered down to look at her lips before looking back into her eyes. “Well, I guess that’s that.”

“Your lips say one thing, but your eyes are sayin’ another there, Marshal.”

“Ma’am, I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about. Besides, maybe it’s not friendship I’m after.”

Elenora’s lips turned upwards. The smirk was hard to keep down. “Acquaintance then?

“Range buddy? Bum Chum? Girlfriend?”

“Are you saying you want me to be your girlfriend, Marshal? You don’t even know me.”

“I’m not good at this stuff. I’m not a sleep around type of guy. I shoot people and have shit hours. I got a slight drinkin’ problem, and some P.T.S.D. I’m not the type of guy girls continue to talk to unless they got daddy issues or arrest warrants. Honestly, I will probably forget whatever anniversary you feel is most important and I don’t know if I would ever want kids considering how fucked up growing up was for me. But you, you are all that I can think about right now, and I’ve never felt the way I did seeing that guy attack you last night. Maybe arrestin’ you was the best decision I ever made.” Tim’s voice held a monotone that Elenora was sure most would take as uncaring, but she could see the emotion in his eyes, that he was baring his soul to her in this moment.

“I’m not good at this either. I cling real hard and real fast. My momma was a junkie and a criminal. Who I found on our kitchen floor after she OD’d. The rest of my family is no better. They are racists, drug dealers and thieves. I have serious daddy issues. I’ll also probably forget what ever anniversary we are on, as well as your birthday. Kids scare the shit out of me, and I would much rather borrow them for the day and hand them back so I can go home, drink and selfishly spend my money on myself. I’ve never had a mutually serious long-term relationship of any kind. I usually scare them away before that, and while I was supposed to be studying yesterday, all I could think about was you, and that our wedding colours would be dark grey and teal.”

Tim said nothing in response. His eyes just moved around her face as if he was searching for something, and Elenora just watched him as her nerves ate away at her. Folding her lip in and between her teeth, she bit down, hoping the pain would distract her.

It felt like hours before Tim’s eyes settled back on hers. “Teal’s a nice colour.”

Chapter Four

[sequinsmile-x]

Homesick

Emily is stuck at home, sick with the flu, and Aaron wants to be by her side.

-x-

A sick!fic, because it's the middle of the week and we all deserve it.

-x-

Words: 2.1k

Warnings: None!

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

“I don’t think this place has ever had quite this much paperwork,” Dave comments as he places a box full of files on the conference room table, “This is going to take hours.” 

“That’s why we offered to help,” Aaron says, grabbing some of the files himself, “Otherwise it might take the locals until the trial to get all of this done.” 

Even though they had solved the case, they had agreed to stay one more day. It was a small town and this was the first time anything like this had ever happened there. The local cops were underprepared to deal with a single murder, let alone the several that had happened in the last few weeks. The unsub had been transported to jail and the team were going to help with paperwork and dealing with the media. 

For the first time in a long time, Aaron was desperate to get home and found himself disappointed that they had to stay. Emily had stayed at home, stuck in her apartment from the flu that she had picked up from Jack. He found himself missing her, unable to sleep without her curled up around him, without the soft sound of her breathing filling the room.

It had only been four months since they’d got together, a tentative request for a date turning into a kiss by her front door, but he couldn’t imagine his life without her. 

“It’s quiet without Prentiss here,” Dave says as if he’d read Aaron’s mind, “I’d almost say peaceful if it weren’t for the serial killer we just arrested.” Aaron laughs, shaking his head as he places the file in his hand down on the table in front of them, 

“I won’t tell her you said that, she’d kill you as soon as she gets better,” he replies, smiling as he imagines the exact expression that would flit across her face if he told her. How her eyes would get impossibly wider and her mouth would fall open slightly, beautiful even in her outrage. 

“It’s nice to know you’d protect me from your girlfriend's wrath.” 

Aaron smiles at him, “Well, it would cost the FBI a lot of money to replace you.” 

Dave frowns, his eyebrows knitting together, “I remember you being a lot less cheerful before you and Emily got together,” he smiles wistfully, his eyes crinkling as he looks Aaron up and down, “She’s good for you. You’re good for each other.” 

He can’t help but smile at his friend's words, at the happiness that spreads through his chest at the mention of the woman he loves and their relationship. 

He felt lucky that he had fallen in love twice, and that both times they had been friends first. Haley had taught him that love he’d only ever read about in required reading in English class did exist, that people could be kind. Emily was teaching him that love after the most painful of losses is possible and that he deserved happiness even after everything he still blamed himself for. 

Haley might have been his first love, but he’d known since the first time Emily kissed him that she’d be his last. She understood, and loved, who he was now. She loved every part of him, even the parts he didn’t like, and he did the same for her. 

The guilt he’d been feeling since he left her on her couch three days ago, under a blanket he’d tucked around her with meds and snacks within reaching distance, goes from a simmer to a boil. Even though she’d insisted he still went to work, and then on the case, he hadn’t wanted to leave her behind. He couldn’t shake the idea that he was doing it wrong all over again, his past mistakes with Haley crawling up the back of his neck. 

“You know…you could always head home tonight. Morgan and I could make sure everything is ok here,” Dave says, and Aaron looks up at him, tilting his head slightly in confusion, “You’ve checked your phone more in the last few days than I think I have ever seen you check it in the entire time I’ve known you,” his smile turns into a smirk, “It will only take a few hours to drive home. I think you need it more than she does.” 

It’s all he’s wanted to do for days, but he falters. His responsibilities for his team, for the job that had cost him so much already, balanced against those for the woman he loves. After a few seconds, he looks at Dave again.

“Are you sure?” 

Dave nods, taking the last of the files from Aaron, “Positive, plus, this way I win the bet,” he shrugs nonchalantly, “I said from the start you’d leave before the case was over.” 

___

Emily groans as she shifts on the couch, her body aching as she tries to settle back down. She coughs and immediately winces, her ribs and chest sore from the repetition of it over the last few days. 

She felt like shit. 

She pulls the blanket tighter around herself and wipes at her nose with the sweater she was wearing, one that had once belonged to Aaron. 

It smelled like him. Or at least, if she could smell anything right now she knows it would smell like him. She’d put it on almost as soon as he’d left for work a few days ago. Emily knew it was in her head, that it could even be the flu making her slightly delirious, but it felt warmer than any of her clothes. As if some of his relentless warmth, something she loved about him, had seeped into the material surrounding her. A little piece of him she could have whilst he was gone. 

She knew he had to go, that he couldn’t just stay and look after her, but she missed him. She was sure her past self would have thought it was ridiculous, but she was used to spending most of her time with him. Used to waking up with him, used to reminding him to eat whilst he was working. 

Used to being loved by him. A reassuring smile and a hug never too far away. 

Her eyes are about to drift shut again, her seemingly ever-present exhaustion taking over, when she hears the scrape of a key in her front door, followed quickly by the door opening. She considers calling out and asking whoever was letting themselves in to kill her, and to make it quick, but she’s interrupted before she can speak. 

“It’s just me, sweetheart.” 

She sits up quickly, too quickly, and groans, her head throbbing as she looks at him, frowning as her eyes meet her boyfriend’s. He drops his go-bag by her front door before he moves further into her apartment, a soft smile on his face as he looks at her. 

“Aaron?”

He smiles at her as he places a plastic bag with a container of soup in it on her kitchen counter. He has a quick look around at the pizza boxes and Chinese take-away containers amongst disposed of tissues and empty cough syrup bottles. 

“Did you move at all whilst I was gone?” 

She frowns at him, scrunching her nose up as she sniffs, “Don’t be mean to me I’m sick.” 

Aaron chuckles and walks over to her, leaning over the back of the couch to kiss her forehead, grimacing when he feels the temperature of her skin. Her fever was better than it was a few days ago, but it was still there. He rounds the couch and joins her. She shifts her legs just enough for him to slip under them before she lays them over his lap. He studies her face carefully, her nose bright red and the rest of her skin paler than usual. 

“What are you doing here?” She asks, her nose still clearly blocked and her voice ragged, “Pen called and said you guys were staying another night.” 

“The team can handle it,” he says, tucking some hair that escaped the bun she’d thrown it into behind her ear, “I thought I’d come to see how you were doing.” 

She rolls her eyes and ignores how it makes her head feel like it’s burning, “Aaron, honey, I’m fine. Work is important-”

“Not as important as you.” 

She stares at him for a second, and she considers calling him ridiculous or making fun of him for being sentimental like she always did, but even in her flu-ridden state, she knows how much of an admittance this is for him. How big a deal it is that he left before a case was over, something she could never remember him doing before, for her. It didn’t take a profiler to see that he was trying. That he wanted to prove to himself that he could do better than he had in the past. 

She makes a mental note to talk to him about it when she's better, to tell him that he doesn’t have to prove anything to her. 

“I love you,” she says instead, secretly glad he’d driven all this way to see her, his presence enough by itself to make her feel better than she had in days. 

“I love you too,” he replies, leaning in to kiss her forehead again, he smiles widely as he pulls back, “I left Morgan and Dave in charge and drove back. I brought you soup,” he says nodding towards the kitchen. He looks her up and down again, his eyes briefly fixed on a sweater he thought he’d lost, “Seriously though, have you moved at all since I left?” He asks, “I’m fairly sure you’re still wearing the same pyjamas under that sweater you stole.” 

She ignores the comment about the sweater and groans, leaning her forehead against his shoulder, “I don’t have the energy to shower,” she complains, “Or move further than the front door to take in the food being delivered.” 

Aaron pulls her closer and runs his hand up and down her back, “Why don’t we have a bath, I’ll help you wash your hair, and then I’ll heat up your dinner for you.”

“Huh,” she says, her face still pressing into him, “That’s exactly what the guy who delivered my pizza last night offered too.” 

He pulls away from her, an outraged look on his face, “What?” 

She laughs, her smile wide, “I’m kidding,” she continues to laugh and before he has a chance to react it quickly turns into a coughing fit. He rubs firm circles on her back and reaches for the glass of water on the coffee table. 

“You’re ok, sweetheart,” he says, passing her the glass of water, “You’re ok.” 

She takes a couple of small sips as her coughing fades and grimaces as she puts it down, “God, why do I still feel like shit.” 

“You’re sick, Em,” he replies, offering her a half smile as she glares at him, “Even you can’t speed up getting over the flu.”

She hums and sniffs, wiping her nose on the sleeve of his sweater, “Well, your son is lucky he’s cute. Otherwise, I’d be having words with him.” 

Aaron chuckles and puts his arm around her, all but gathering her into his arms, “Jack and I definitely owe you breakfast when you’re better.” She nods against him and snuggles in further, finally finding the comfort she’d been missing for days. He feels her get slightly heavier, and he gently shakes her, “Sweetheart, we should do what I said.”

“What?” She asks, looking up at him, her eyes narrowing in confusion, “What did you say?”

He clears his throat to stop himself from laughing at her, knowing that it wouldn’t go down well even when she was sick.

“Bath, hair wash, food, sleep. In that order,” he says, kissing her temple before he stands up offering her a hand, steadying her as she stands too. She leans against him, her face buried in his shirt. 

“You’re mean.” 

He does smile this time, and starts to lead her towards her bathroom, “You’ll feel better for it, I promise.”

She stops them, her hand on his bicep as she faces him, her eyes shining with love, “I always feel better when you’re around,” she says quietly, biting her lower lip to try and contain her smile. 

It’s naked honesty, and he’s not sure she would have said it if she wasn’t sick, but it makes him smile. “I feel better when you’re around too.” He leans in to kiss her, but she pulls back her eyebrows furrowing. 

“Honey, I’m sick,” she protests, and she grimaces a little, “And I also don’t entirely remember the last time I brushed my teeth.” 

He shakes his head and leans in to stamp a kiss against her lips, smiling when their eyes meet again.

“Worth it.” 

-x-

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[saiilorstars]

Ch. 32: A Bad Case of Allergies

[Story Masterlist] // [Aitana’s Masterlist]

Fandom: Criminal Minds // Pairing: Spencer Reid x OFC

Taglist: @ocappreciationtag​​​​​ @arrthurpendragon​​​​​ @anotherunreadblog​​​​​ @maaaaarveeeeel​​​​​ @stareyedplanet​​​​​ @averyhotchner​​​​​​ @foxesandmagic @kmc1989 @midmourn​​​​​​

If you’d like to be a part of Aitana’s taglist, please let me know!

Also available on Fanfic ○ Ao3 ○ Wattpad

Aitana sneezed twice before she walked into the conference room. She sneezed a third time as she placed her things down on the round table. By then, she had already claimed both Emily's and Penelope's attention. And when she sneezed for the fourth time, Morgan and Spencer paused too.

"Oh sprinkles, are you getting sick?" Penelope said with wide concerned eyes while Aitana grabbed her seat.

"Just allergies," Aitana waved it off while she sniffed.

"You have allergies?" Emily raised an eyebrow at her.

"I could."

"If you're not feeling well, maybe you should go home," Morgan suggested.

"I feel okay," Aitana said a bit fast. Her first mistake. "It's just allergies." She sneezed again, barely making it into her arm. "I got some new flowers for the house too. That probably didn't help."

"Actually, cut flowers are rarely a cause for allergies," Spencer said, "Pollen typically comes from grass, trees, and weeds."

Aitana sneezed again then drew in a deep breath. "Yes, thank you, Spencer," she said in a strained voice and another big sniff.

Spencer awkwardly scrunched his face. Clearly, she was trying to convince them that she wasn't getting sick. "People also tend to sneeze many times in a row because they're trying to clear their nasal passages," he said, and she eyed him suspiciously like she was waiting for him to also agree with the others that she was indeed getting sick. "Typically the third or fourth sneeze is just your body's way of making sure all irritants were expelled safely from your nose."

Aitana couldn't keep her narrow-eyed look on him for long, especially when it seemed like he was trying to help her. "Thank you. See?" She glanced at the others at the table. "Just getting rid of something in my nose, as Dr. Reid said."

The other agents rolled their eyes but kept their comments to themselves for the time being. Minutes later, Hotch, JJ and Rossi joined them. Penelope got straight to the point with a school shooting case that happened years ago.

"High school bombing in Boise, right?" Morgan asked. He vaguely remembered the headline on the news. "School shooter and school bomber."

Penelope nodded her head. "A kid named Randy Slade shot 3 students and then set off an I. E. D. in the cafeteria via cell phone, killing himself and 13 kids total, but not before posting all of his plans online."

"It was one of those 'Where were you?' events. My whole campus was glued to the tv," remarked JJ.

"Well, last night, Principal Givens—who was the principal during the shooting—was killed by a bomb modeled exactly like the old one," Penelope said.

"It feels like the unsub wants to attack the man who kept the school together after the bombing," Rossi said. "It's a pretty symbolic target."

"And this week is the 10th anniversary of the massacre," Penelope informed the group. "And today is the first day of a 4-day event to commemorate the bombing at the school."

"So this guy's going to—" Aitana sniffed, "—strike again. Commemorating it won't be enough for the unsub." They could only hope to get there quick.

~ 0 ~

On the plane ride, the group delve deeper into the original school shooting to better understand the unsub they were working with now.

"Randy Slade carried his bomb in his backpack," Morgan said as they went through the files, "This guy hid his in Givens' clock radio."

Aitana sneezed again. She mumbled a 'thanks' to JJ who'd passed her a tissue. She didn't want to admit to the pain she was feeling in her ears. Spencer had warned her that if she had a cold—which he was sure that she did—taking a plane ride wouldn't be the best idea. Aitana claimed it was allergies again.

"...they try to join various social groups, but they get shut out," JJ was saying by the time Aitana came out of her funk. Things were slightly off tune for Aitana as well.

"Randy Slade wasn't a loner at all. The family cooperated fully with us," Hotch said, Rossi nodding in agreement. "He was a high-functioning psychopath, straight-A student, varsity wrestler, lots of girlfriends. With an above-average intelligence that made him incredibly resourceful."

"His explosive of choice was Semtex," said Rossi, "It's found at demolition sites, but it's held under lock and key. Which made us consider the possibility of a partner."

"Never found one," Hotch said, "Slade was too much of a narcissist to share credit. But he was also an impulsive teen, which is what bothers me about this unsub."

"His sense of control?" asked Emily.

"And the end game that he's working toward," Hotch added.

"Slade's pathology revolved around the big kill," Spencer said as he went through the list of victims on their file. "This unsub could have done the same if he'd waited for the candlelight vigil."

"Which means there's no blaze of glory fantasy here," Hotch said, "This unsub has more bombs made, and he's savoring the anticipation of his next attack."

~ 0 ~

Upon arriving to the Boise police department, the team divided in two to visit the crime scene and set up at the department. While Hotch and Rossi spoke to the Chief, Aitana and Morgan started pinning up the old case file on their evidence boards. Aitana had to pause every now and then to sneeze. She wouldn't admit it, even though it wasn't necessary, her nose was beginning to get stuffy.

"Those are not allergies, spicy sprinkles," Morgan remarked with an amused smile.

Aitana shook her head. "They are," she insisted. "I don't get sick."

"Everybody gets sick."

"I don't!" Aitana was about to sneeze again when it turned into a cough instead. Morgan raised an eyebrow at her while she went through her fit. Once Aitana was finished and she could talk, she acted like nothing had happened. "That's part of allergies."

"Right," Morgan laughed. "It's no big deal if you're getting sick."

"Are you kidding? It's a huge deal! I just got back to the BAU permanently and I'm going to call out? No way. We have a job to do and no cold is going to get into my way!"

Morgan smirked suddenly. "I thought you said it was just allergies!"

Aitana was a second away from smacking him with a manila folder when Hotch opened the door. "You got saved by the bell," she muttered to Morgan.

"We're heading to the Slades' residence," Hotch told them, drawing Morgan's attention away from Aitana.

"They're still around here?"

Hotch nodded. "The younger brother goes to the same school. Let's go." He left the door open for the agents to follow through.

"So, sure they're allergies, then?" Morgan mumbled to Aitana before he started making his way out of the room.

"I hate you," Aitana spat, ignoring his chuckle. Before leaving the room, she decided to scarf down an allergy pill just to make sure. That'd been the wrong move because fifteen minutes later, she began feeling dizzy. The pills weren't drowsy-free. She must have grabbed Angel's pills instead of hers. He always used the non-drowy formula to get a good nap.

They arrived at the Slades' home to find it bombarded with the media.

"Well, it looks like we're not the only ones interested in Brandon," Morgan said just as they parked. "It's gonna make it a lot harder for us to talk our way in."

Aitana pulled her head off the window and took in a breath. "Unless we use it to our advantage," she said through a sniff.

"You're not thinking about going out there to give a media press?" Rossi asked her.

Aitana smiled. "Watch me."

Morgan exchanged looks with Hotch and Rossi in the front seats. Both men gave him the look that he needed to go help Aitana. "Seriously?" he mumbled under his breath as he got out of the car.

"Women are just inherently stubborn," Rossi said on his way out. "Don't tell her I said that."

Morgan gave a half shrug as they moved around the car. Aitana had already commanded the attention of the media, albeit with a strained voice.

"...does this have anything to do with Brandon Slade?" one reporter was asking when Morgan joined her.

Aitana blinked several times before giving an answer, though it was given a slight mumble. "Not...not as of...not really, no…"

Morgan had never heard her give such a disastrous answer. It was bemusing but up to a certain point.

"Well, this was the same principal during Brandon Slade's time," the same reporter continued. "Principal Givens helped evacuate many students the last time."

Aitana swayed lightly on her feet. Morgan had to grab hold of her arm to keep her still. "Was it?" Aitana asked them, taking in a deep breath.

"Okay," Morgan said, deciding to cut in for her sake and her reputation, "As of right now, there is nothing concrete to tell us there was a connection with Brandon Slade."

"Morgan!" They heard Hotch call from the front door. He was nodding for the two agents to join them inside the house.

Morgan held Aitana's arm even tighter. For some reason, she was going to start in the opposite direction. "Alright," he said to the press, "Feel free to call me if you have any other background questions. My phone number is 702-555-0103."

"And what's your name, sir?" A female reporter inquired.

"Uh, it's Dr. Spencer Reid. R-E-I-D." Morgan smirked proudly as he turned Aitana with him for the house.

Aitana sniffed. "Was it me...or did you just say you were Spencer?"

"Nah, that was all you, spicy sprinkles," Morgan rubbed her back comfortingly.

"Oh...okay…"

Morgan chuckled. She needed to get some rest pronto.

~ 0 ~

As it turned out, the younger Slade brother had kept in his possession the old list of his older brother's. From it, the team was able to gather the people on the list to talk and explain to them what the situation was. Emily took the lead on that task and very much requested that Aitana go back to their hotel to rest. Aitana did no such thing. The rest of them were compiling the profile to deliver it to the precinct.

She was on her way to the conference room when she heard Spencer calling her. He caught up with her in the bullpen and offered her a cup of, according to him, tea. "Chamomile," he said as she eyed it. "For allergies, of course."

Aitana couldn't help her laugh then. "I think you're the only one following my lie," she said as she took the cup from his hand. "I should say double thanks for that."

"With luck, it could turn into allergies," Spencer said with a little smile. "Chamomile will give your immune system a good boost. I didn't know if you liked it with honey so I didn't put any, sorry."

"Don't worry," Aitana languidly waved a hand then took a sip. It was nice and warm and felt great in her throat. "Putting honey can lower your blood pressure so...best to be careful with that. See, I know stuff too." She winked at him and started walking again.

Spencer smiled for a bit until he became conscious of the fact and shook his head fast. He hurried to catch up with her. "We could go get you some of the honey Halls, if you want."

"That's kind of you, but I'm not going to make anybody go to the store on my behalf," Aitana said. "Besides, I'll be fine. The tea's already working." She took another drink to make her point. "Seriously, thanks. You can keep some distance if you'd like. I'm probably radiating germs right now."

"I'm good," Spencer said almost automatically, which was honestly surprising after he realized it.

"Aren't you always the one on the lookout for incoming germs?" Aitana side-glanced him curiously. "This is your sign to run. Seriously. I don't mind. I won't get mad."

"I'm not going to run away from you, Aitana," he said, scrunching his face like she was crazy.

"Suit yourself, but you might get some...allergies..." Aitana wagged a finger at him.

"Well, you know, allergies aren't actually contagious so..." But Spencer trailed off as Aitana started to laugh. She was joking.

~ 0 ~

The tea did admittedly help Aitana get a better handle on her voice, but her head was progressively feeling heavier. While the team delivered the profile, she stood there trying to keep herself together and, most of all, focused.

"Partners of dominant psychopaths are usually submissive, but that doesn't mean that they can't be intelligent or that they're physically weak…"

She was pretty sure Hotch was speaking. She didn't have the nerve to keep checking.

"...this unsub laid low after the bombing and successfully evaded police and FBI. That took cunning and patience, which he's exhibiting now with his current murders."

"We think he fits the loner profile Slade debunked," Rossi said.

Or maybe it was Spencer?

"He grew up in an abusive home, which kept him from forming the normal social bonds in high school."

"We interviewed all the outcasts from back then," the Chief asked the team, "How did this guy slip through?"

"Even outcasts eventually form friendships," Aitana managed to answer. "Just inevitable but this unsub was the outcast the outcasts rejected."

"He won't stand out in any capacity, and as a matter of fact, most of his fellow students probably won't even remember graduating with him," Spencer took over soon. He was pretty sure Aitana was leaning on the desk to keep herself on her feet. "And that invisibility is what made him attractive to Slade."

"This partner wouldn't steal the spotlight," Morgan said, "Slade turned to the cafeteria because most of the names on his list ate there together during fifth period. So his hatred festered when the names on the list emerged from the cafeteria as media heroes."

"And now he wants to finish the job that Randy started," JJ said, lamenting the implications she was basically giving. "Emotionally, this weekend is more a high school reunion to him than a memorial."

"We go to reunions to show who we grew up to be. Often that means changing everything about who we were," said Hotch, "Consciously or not, Randy Slade revealed clues as to his partner's identity when he detonated his bomb. Agent Prentiss will be conducting cognitive interviews to see what the survivors might remember."

Sadly, their entire case pretty much rested on those interviews at the moment.

~0~

"I'm this close to asking Hotch to send Aitana to the hotel to rest," JJ said when she joined Morgan and Spencer in the conference room. "She's in the restroom right now blowing her nose over and over. I wouldn't be surprised if she passes out from dizziness."

Morgan laughed, imagining it. "Girl is stubborn. And I thought Garcia won that competition."

"Maybe you should go back to check on her," Spencer said, sounding slightly concerned over it. JJ assured him she was only kidding but it didn't lessen his concern. "There are actual consequences if someone blows their nose too much. Her head was already hurting so this will only amplify it, and that's not counting the ruptures she could—"

"Reid," Morgan cut in, trying his best not to laugh in that moment. "Relax, she'll be fine."

"I still think someone should go get her," Spencer said quietly. "I'd do it but she's in the women's restroom," he said with a pointed glance at JJ.

"Uuh, since when are you so keen on being close to someone sick?" JJ raised a brow at him. "Last time I remember, you wouldn't get within 10ft of me when I got sick."

"Ooh, JJ, c'mon now," Morgan said, throwing Spencer a teasing smile, "Isn't it obvious? Pretty boy wants to make up for lost time with Aitana. He did think she had a boyfriend for ages."

"Morgan," Spencer gritted his teeth together. He was waiting for that to get thrown in his face. While Morgan just outright laughed, JJ was a little more decent and hid her smile behind her hand. "Fine, I made a mistake, what's the big deal?" Spencer said with a groan.

"The big deal is that it's hilarious," Morgan was happy to answer with. "Genius like you and you missed it?"

"Maybe because unlike you people, I don't immediately chase after someone I just met," Spencer said, crossing his arms, "Maybe I value my friendships and that's why I'm worried about Aitana. Ever think of that?"

"Sure, of course." Morgan's smile was much too wide for Spencer's taste.

"I still can't believe you told him," he said to JJ who then immediately reminded him that she had not told Morgan. "Yeah, but you told Garcia and that's basically the same thing!"

That time, JJ chuckled. "Alright, fine, but it's not that big of a deal. Emily hasn't said anything."

"You told Emily!?" Spencer exclaimed. "Great, I guess I'll just wait for Rossi to start chiming in and then Hotch will start talking about the proper procedure for informing the FBI—"

"Spence, that wouldn't happen," JJ said, but Morgan had something else to add.

"Yeah, we all know Hotch wouldn't be caught dead explaining technicalities about relationships. That's not his style."

Spencer groaned. "You guys are horrible friends! And you'll be even more awful if you tell Aitana about any of this!"

"Oh, don't worry about that," Morgan came to sit on the edge of the table. "I'm not saying anything."

~ 0 ~

Once Penelope had time to go over the list they had found earlier, she called the team to get them organized and informed. They had written the names from the lists in two columns on a white board, according to Penelope's findings.

"Group one is like the popular kids— prom court, football team, Dean's list," she explained over the phone, making all eyes rake over the specific column. "The Heathers, if you will. Kids in Slade's social circle."

"What about number two?" asked Morgan.

"Uh, that would be the kids from the other side of the tracks, 180-degree difference. Kids this close to getting kicked out—stoners, burnouts, mental cases. Chelsea Grant, our latest victim, is on this list."

"Maybe Slade targeted them because they disgusted him?" JJ offered the theory.

"But they didn't threaten Slade's sense of superiority," Spencer said. "He wouldn't have even cared about them."

"So the partner did it," Aitana suggested. She had grabbed a seat to lean back. She was feeling a bit more tired. "You know, they both chose their specific victims."

Hotch agreed. "That would mean that group would be closer to his social status than Slade's."

"Why would the…" Spencer's cell phone buzzed on the table, about the fifth time intelsat two hours. He quickly grabbed it and denied the call. "I'm so sorry. Why would the unsub list kids that he fit in with?"

"Apparently that's how this clique worked," said Penelope, "The kids in it were meaner to each other than kids on the outside."

"Garcia, separate out all the kids who got into trouble regularly," Hotch started instructing, "Then eliminate the names that the partner put on the list. Now, who's left that came to the memorial?"

"Right!" Penelope got right on it.

"Whoever made the list wouldn't put their name on it," JJ barely said when Penelope announced she may have found the unsub.

"Lewis Ramsey."

With that streak of luck, the team set to work on finding their man. They eventually located him in the evening at a cruddy bar drinking his sorrows away. They detained him and brought him back to the precinct for questioning. Between Hotch and Morgan, they firmly concluded that while Ramsey was Slade's partner, he wasn't responsible for the latest kills.

Spencer brought their attention to a curious thing within Slade's last message before dying. Spencer had rewritten it on a white board exactly as it was on paper. "Ramsey was the partner, but look at how Slade added 'all the LoSeRs in this Godforsaken school.'" Spencer tapped a knuckle against the last word. "This capitalization isn't an accident. Look. L-S-R. Lewis Stuart Ramsey."

"So Slade did name his own partner," Aitana said with a sniff. "And I guess, ironically, Lewis' marijuana conviction saved his life." The man had gone sober and was now making amends for his past actions including being Slade's partner.

"Well, that puts us back to our original problem," Emily remarked. "If the unsub isn't the partner, how did he get his hands on a list that Slade and Lewis kept to themselves?" Aitana's phone went off so she moved to the side to answer JJ's call.

"The only answer is that part of the profile is wrong," Hotch said. "The unsub's vendetta has nothing to do with the list. Did you get anything from Jerry Holtz?"

Emily shook her head. "Only that he mixed up the cell phones that Slade used. It felt like he was making the story up, but I only had a hunch."

"We need to find him now. There's a connection to the victimology that we're missing. Whatever he's holding back might be the key."

"Umm," Aitana's raspy voice stopped the trio from leaving. She was putting her phone in her pocket when she rejoined them. "That won't be possible anymore. Jerry Holtz was murdered in the old high school. JJ's at the scene right now."

~0~

The rest of the night was dedicated to rearranging the profile as they examined the new crime scene and the leftover "potential victims" they had on their lists. The unsub was amongst the group of survivors.

"JJ and Emily are still going through the survivors' names," Aitana said to Hotch as they walked towards the conference room. Her voice had more of a rasp to it than it had the previous day.

"Thanks," Hotch said, "You know you are more than free to head back to the hotel," he said as they neared the doors. "You stayed up all night with us."

Aitana shook her head even though she did feel like she was one step away from falling asleep. "Just allergies," she insisted.

Hotch pulled the door open for her. "I don't think so," he said but Aitana didn't register it. She walked inside with a slight sway in her steps.

"...the unsub doesn't feel pain," Spencer was in the middle of his words when the pair joined them. Morgan and Rossi were listening attentively. "There's a medical condition called pain asymbolia, where patients register harmful stimuli without being bothered by it. They've been documented holding their hand over an open flame because their brain doesn't send pain signals to the central nervous system."

"Sounds pretty rare," Rossi said. He eyed Aitana who'd grabbed the nearest seat to them as soon as she found one. (Because yes, it took her a while to get there). She perched an arm over it and rested her cheek against her palm.

"You sure the unsub has it?" asked Hotch.

Spencer nodded firmly. "The crime scenes prove it. This unsub displayed an unusual level of savagery towards his victims. And consider this—he smashed through a glass display case, but there were no cuts on Jerry. That means he most likely punched through it as a show of force. Now, the only way the human body could withstand that level of pain is if he couldn't feel it at all. It must take a major toll on someone's emotional development." For what seemed like the millionth time that morning, Spencer felt his cell phone buzz in his back pocket. He pulled it out, already knowing it was another spam call, and rejected the call. "A significant contributor to our sense of empathy is the way we personally experience pain. And the unsub didn't develop his sense of empathy because it was cut off."

"Does every person with asymbolia have this?" Morgan inquired.

"Actually, most feel empathy just fine, which makes me think the rest of our profile is still accurate. Loner, invisible," —Spencer felt his phone ringing again, "Outcast, boiling rage—" It was still buzzing. "Son of a bitch!" He practically shouted. He had reached his damn level with the phone calls. He pulled his phone out again and this time answered the call. "Hi! This is Dr. Spencer Reid. I actually can come to the phone right now with a very special message that your mother is a—"

"Reid," Hotch cut him off sharply.

Abashed, Spencer yanked his phone from his ear, only then realizing how he must have sounded to the others. "Sorry. I'm really sorry. I don't know what got into me." He turned his phone off for reputation reasons and cleared his throat, feeling an insane flush on his face. "Uh, where were we?"

Thankfully, Hotch let his moment slide and went on with their next steps. It was then that Spencer noticed the strange smile Morgan had on his face. He was the only one who seemed to have a clue. Rossi and Hotch had moved on like nothing and Aitana...she had given up keeping her head up. She had flattened her arms on the table and rested her cheek against them, eyes blinking much more slowly now.

Yeah, it was Derek Morgan alright.

"I'm going to have Garcia check medical records," Hotch said, "What causes asymbolia?"

"S-s-severe trauma produces lesions in the insular cortex, usually after a stroke," Spencer explained slowly. His mind was working but not for the case. "But this unsub's so young, it's most likely caused by an external factor."

"Like a bomb going off next to him?" Rossi inquired.

"Yeah, a bomb going off next to him…" Spencer nodded.

"Let's go," Hotch said, prompting Rossi to follow him.

"Somebody oughta bring this one to the hotel," Rossi said with bemusement as they passed by Aitana. She was practically asleep on the table.

"We'll take care of it," Spencer said with a strained smile. He moved over to collect the papers they had left out and since Morgan was still watching him with his stupid smirk, he mumbled: "I will crush you."

"What?" Morgan raised an eyebrow at him.

"What?" Spencer said quickly, shuffling the papers against the table. "I'll bring Aitana back to the hotel."

"You sure about that?" Morgan asked. "She's hellbent on staying here."

"I can handle it. Go, go," Spencer waved his hand. He would need some time to come up with a good retaliation.

~ 0 ~

Aitana vaguely remembered Spencer attempting to move her out of her chair. All she knew is that the team was gone for some reason and her throat was so dry. "I'm good," she insisted. "It's just allergies."

Spencer chuckled. He was right beside her, guiding her into the hotel they were staying at. "I think we're way past that, Aitana. It's not a big deal, lots of people get sick. About 49 million people get the flu each year."

"Did you...why are you talking so loud?"

"I'm not, but I'll be more quiet if that helps." Spence had brought her into the elevator and pressed the button of their floor. "You know, legally, you can't keep working this case anymore."

"Because it's not allergies?" Aitana sniffed.

Spencer chuckled. "Yeah, sorry. But you've already helped us so much, we'll be just fine."

The elevator dinged open and he brought her into the hallway. He asked her for her room key and opened the door of her room. "I think you should try resting now. Maybe a nap?"

"Oh, now you're sounding like JJ," Aitana said with another sniffle. When Spencer let her go, she was already right by her best and yet she still stumbled on it.

"Well, I do spend a lot of time with her. And I also know that when you get sick, one of the best forms to combat it is to take a nap."

"Why?" Aitana kicked her shoes off and scooted up the bed until she found her pillow. "Tell me a statistic, Dr. Reid."

A smile crossed Spencer's face and, eventually, a small chuckle. "When you're sleeping, your body releases cytokines. It's a type of protein and it helps communicate with the cells of your immunity system to kill a pathogen. So when you're sleeping, your body can focus a lot more on fighting pathogens, breaking fevers and all that good stuff you can't really do if you're investigating a murder case like you are right now."

"You missed" — Aitana sniffled again — "the numbers. Where are the numbers?"

"I was trying to make it easier for you right now."

"Save them for me when I get better, alright?"

"Of course," Spencer nodded at her. She seemed to be close to that much needed nap. "Um, Aitana, I gotta ask you something."

Aitana had closed her eyes already but she nodded that she was listening.

"You wouldn't happen to know anything about Morgan playing a prank on me, would you?"

Aitana shrugged her shoulders. "Was it on t.v.?"

Spencer half smiled at her. She had no idea what she was saying. "No, it wasn't."

Aitana let out a small breath and opened her eyes. "I think I need some pills for my headache. I have some on the desk over there."

"Got it..." Spencer walked over to the desk where many things were left sprawled over. He found a small pill box and opened it up. He took out the Tylenol pills and grabbed one of the hotel water bottles. "So then, nothing on that prank?"

Aitana sat up and grabbed the bottle from him, opening it up. She then took the pills. "I mean...it was on t.v., right?" She popped the pills into her mouth and took a swig of water to swallow them.

"I don't think it was," Spencer said gently, not wanting to her irritate her.

"But it was," Aitana nodded to herself. "And-and Morgan...he..." She handed Spencer the water bottle who then placed it on her nightstand. By the time he looked back at her, she was already lying down again. "I'm not being very useful to you right now, am I?" she asked with a clear disappointment in her voice.

Spencer was much too kind to tell her the truth. "You're being extremely helpful." He was smart enough to deduce that through Aitana's rambles, there had to be some truth to it. Morgan had to have done something while she was around him. "Aitana, there's something you might be able to help me with right now...if you're up to it."

It was actually kind of adorable the way Aitana's face lit up. "Really? For the case?"

"Um...yeah…" Spencer thought there was no point in going over the mechanics of things if Aitana wasn't going to remember them anyways. Plus, she didn't need to be bothered with his tinkering ideas for a good prank.

"Okay, I'm all ears…" A moment later, Aitana was tapping her left ear. "Actually, I'm all ear," she said. "One's gotten a little plugged."

Spencer chuckled. Poor thing.

~0~

By night, the unsub had been located and after an extensive search, apprehended as well. The team was back on their way home late in the evening. Hotch, JJ and Emily sat together going over some paperwork. Rossi sat with Morgan on one side of a table while Spencer and Aitana sat opposite of them. Morgan had started up his music when Aitana's insistence about her "allergies" against Rossi became too loud. He learned to love her but bless her heart, when she was sick she was even more stubborn. Spencer was lucky as he had fallen asleep.

"No, no, Rossi, they're just allergies," Aitana said, taking in a deep sniff. She perched her elbows on the table and rested her cheeks against her palms.

Rossi watched in bemusement as she struggled to keep her eyes open. "Why don't you take a nap, huh? Like the kid?"

"Who?" Aitana sniffed again, her head turning to her left to see Spencer. "Oh, I didn't even notice. But I already took a nap earlier. I'm fine now."

Rossi didn't think so. "It wouldn't hurt to take another one—"

Morgan suddenly jumped in his seat, startling Rossi. He pulled his headphones off, shooting a glare at Spencer. "Ok, kid, that was cute. But that's all you got?" Spencer "snored" as he slept.

"Do I hear screaming?" Aitana squeezed one eye shut. Rossi nodded his head.

Morgan's cell phone went off. "It's Garcia."

"Hm, do you know...I called her earlier..." Aitana closed her eyes for a second, just for a second, "I think Spencer asked me to…"

Before Morgan could ask her about that, he heard fresh new screams in his ear. "Dammit!" He yanked his phone from his ear, snapping his phone shut.

Spencer "slept" but his growing smile was giving him up. Rossi stuck a hand between the two and waved a white napkin for peace.

"Nu-uh," Morgan shook his head. His eyes locked on Spencer. "All right, Reid, it's on. Just know that paybacks are a bitch." He glanced at Aitana, about to reprimand her for her participation but seeing her head fall on the table with a thud softened his annoyance. Participant or not, she probably didn't even remember a thing.

[theloveoffootball10]

sᴛɪᴄᴋᴡɪᴛᴜ : ᴛ ᴇ ɴ

m a s t e r l i s t

ᴛ ᴇ ɴ

Walking into the paddock on qualifying day with the Miami sun blazing down I'm excited to be here, I always love being at a race but this time I've got my friends with me. I couldn't come without Ryan knowing how big of a fan he is but Callum, Millie, Liv and Danielle also decided to travel with us. My dad absolutely loves my friends so when I told him I wanted them to come with us to Miami, he didn't think twice about getting as many paddock passes as I needed even though he has his own friends here.

"Lucía! You didn't tell me Max would be here!" Liv practically screams at me as we spot Max in the distance. After Tomorrowland she confessed to me that it was in fact her that had a one night stand with Max.

"He's Lando's best friends of course he's going to be here"

"At least you and Lando have a label though"

"We don't have a label Liv. I don't know what the fuck my relationship with him is. He wants to take me out on a date but up to now it's just sex" before Liv and I can continue our conversation we're interrupted by Max.

"Whoa Lucía what the fuck is this?" Max spots me as we're making our way to Aston Martin's hospitality "I thought you were sleeping with Lando now you turn up in Aston Martin merch! Are you sleeping with Stroll as well?"

"Absolutely fucking not! I'd rather never have sex again! Do I look like I'm wearing Stroll's number?" The thought of sleeping with Stroll makes my skin crawl and not in a good way.

"So you're sleeping with Alonso?"  

"Ew! Fucking hell don't ever say that again! That's disgusting Max, he's my dad and incest isn't my thing believe it or not" I say trying not to laugh at the expression on Max's face.

"You could have just said that! I thought I was going to have to break it to Lando that you're seeing someone else!"

"No! We're not in a relationship however I can confirm I'm definitely not seeing anyone else. Once you're over the shock that I'm a drivers daughter, you'll find me in the Aston Martin garage if you want to join us" I say with a laugh as we continue our way to where my dad is waiting. After a brief conversation with Max I can feel how tense it is between him and Liv. They definitely have unfinished business.

"Nandooo!" Ryan shouts as he sees my dad and pulls him into the biggest man hug before my dad hugs all of my friends "we missed you old man"

"Hey less of the old" my dad scolds with a smile on his face as he pulls me into a hug "it's nice to see you all here again. I can't wait to show you what we have planned for Monday night when I take you all out"

"What have you got planned?" I ask confused what my dad is talking about.

"Just something I have planned. All will be revealed but this is what I needed you to buy the over the top dress for and I'm taking you out for your birthday"

"You confuse me so much papá" I say grabbing a drink from the open bar "why is it so secretive?"

"It's not secretive, I've just told you I'm taking you all out on Monday night. Anyway can I borrow you for a minute Lucía?" My dad asks pulling me to one side, I know before he says anything what this is going to be about "you and Lando what's going on? I saw the photos of Belgium I know my daughter when I see her. If there's a relationship there then I'll support you"

"Oh god I had a feeling you'd bring this up. Papá we're just seeing how things go. It's nothing serious, Belgium wasn't planned we just both happened to be there"

"Lucía explore what might be there but I promise if he hurts you he won't ever drive a formula one car again. I need to get to a press conference I'll see you all later" my dad waves as he leaves to look for Chelsea. I know my dad is just being protective but I need to warn Lando that my dad has worked out what is going on.

Deciding I need to talk to Lando I send him a message telling him to meet me at the back of the McLaren hospitality suite.

"Where's the fire? You look stunning by the way" Lando pulls me into him his arms around my waist and his lips finding my neck.

"Thank you but I need to be serious for a minute" holding Lando by his waist I run my fingers along the edge of his low hanging race suit "my dad knows there's something going on with us, I think he's known since the photos came out of you at Tomorrowland"

"Fuck he's going to kill me" Lando buries his head in my shoulder and I feel him tense up.

"Lando. No. You don't get it. He's on our side"

"I'm sleeping with his daughter and he's on our side?" Lando asks pulling back to look at me the confusion of written all over his face.

"He doesn't want you to hurt me but he's on our side however he doesn't know it's just sex. I'm close to my dad but not that close" I confirm knowing where my dad stands. From the conversation I had with my mum about Lando I know she's on our side as well.

"I'm not going to hurt you Lu. That's the last thing I want to do" looking into Lando's eyes I believe him. Call me stupid but I don't think he's the kind to mess a girl around. I don't think he'd ever intentionally hurt me.

[gamergirl929]

Anon that keeps claiming “Ali is speaking volumes by not saying anything” she literally hasn’t said anything on it. ALI has been the one who has tried to be an adult and move on. ALI has been the one who put her team first. When the news first broke she was supposed to have a press conference, said conference was then cancelled by both Ali and the teams manager because they both care about the team and knew damn well that that press conference would turn into the “what happened? What went wrong?” gossip column instead of focusing on the team and their games. Ashlyn fans can’t grasp the fact that some of us who have been following Ashlyn since her UNC days know that Ashlyn is problematic. YOU Ashlyn fans and some of the Ali fans are the problems. Ashlyn has chosen at every possible turn to make it seem like she did nothing while Ali has been focusing on herself, THEIR kids, and her family in general. Ashlyn continues to make herself out as the victim when Ali has not said one word about her or posted anything about her. The real and true problem is Ali shouldn’t have to tell the fans to back off because if she never mentioned the divorce and Ashlyn or someone close to her did that’s on them and they should have known better than to reveal that information before one of Ali’s biggest weekends.

The heat that Ashlyn is getting is of her own making. You want to get a divorce? Fine. You want to date Sophia Bush? Fine. But the fact is there are pictures that were posted and the internet is forever you can’t just delete things and assume they aren’t circulating elsewhere. Ashlyn has and will always be an adult child because she doesn’t understand that when you do stupid things you get even stupider rewards. This is not the first time where Ashlyn has been accused of cheating by fans.

Ali not speaking on it is not a problem nor will it ever be a problem because the news 1. Did not come from her 2. Of the two parties one was still on the team while the other was literally becoming irrelevant 3. Ali posting she’s in her lemonade era is a sign she was moving on and unaffected 4. The fact that teammates who have literally been on a team with Ashlyn sided with Ali that shit should speak volumes right there 5. Maybe Ashlyn should think twice before posting similar quotes with her new girl and lastly 6. Ashlyn could have pulled the plug on the news and apologized for the timing in which it came out And made a statement that was sincere that the information was not leaked from her nor did she know that it would come out and guess what she didn’t.

So if you want to blame Ali for not saying anything go ahead but she literally does not have to if she herself didn’t release this information to the public. As for the fans they take everything to the extremes anyways so why would they even listen to her. As for me personally I used to like Ashlyn and then she had some really fun lesbian headlines before her and Ali became official, that sort of turned me off and then well her personality turned me off, but I could never be Ashlyn because whomever I marry will be treated like an absolute queen if she’s an athlete I will be the number one fans all day everyday, anything she needs I got her but if we get a divorce im sure as hell not going to let that shit be released before a big game no matter how mad we are, no matter what the situation, her and her team come first. Ashlyn should have just gone radio silent for a while but noooo she couldn’t do that for herself and let everything die down.

Sorry for my rant but we are absolutely not going to act like Ali has to say something. Nor will I sit here and listen to the Ashlyn Stan’s pretend like Ashlyn has never done terrible things before.

I couldn't have said it better myself, rant away anon, rant away, because you hit the nail right on the head.

[leqclerc]

I’m having war flashback about 2021.

Charles did some magic but it got overshadowed by the drivers standings and a few mistakes (but mostly bad luck). People saying Carlos did great in quali yesterday : yes in the end he is P3, but not challenging RB and not beating AM. That’s bad for Ferrari. And we could see if Max and Charles did a clean run it would have been P5 again for Carlos. Same with his standings, he under performs. He makes the car look like it’s at Mercedes level. But it’s not. It’s tricky yes but it should be beating AM (without the technical issues in the first two races, we would have had podiums there too and no P3 for Fernando. Australia is another story but I blame the quali strategy)

I just don’t like seeing so many false narrative around Charles like in 2021.

But most of all I hope Charles and the team find the momentum again. Something broke in the second part of 2022. Fred is here now but there is still so many changes happening. And after all the disappointment with Ferrari « long term plan » … I’m not saying Charles is emotional etc. But it’s sports and you have to believe in everything and people around him in the team have to have his confidence too. It’s not just up to him. Since the end of last year I really wonder if going to another team would not do some good. For me the only way he does not need that is if Fred can do many changes inns almost transforms the team enough so that there is a reset for everyone.

I saw these quotes from Carlos (from the top 3 qualy press conference):

And now I'm wondering what they did with that car? "We changed a few things," is that referring to the new floor? Has it shifted the balance? Are we understeering again 😭

I just find it so weird that usually you get weekends where one of the Ferrari drivers is in tune with the car and the other is having an off weekend, or vice versa. You rarely have them both be satisfied with the car, both having a similar weekend in terms of pace and performance and feedback. Now, Carlos does at least admit they have a "very peaky car, a very, let’s say, unstable car in the high speed."

But it's still strange that he's saying Baku was one of his worst weekends when Charles put the car on pole twice (yes, there was a qualy crash so he must've been on the limit but it was still enough for pole) and then had the pace for P2 and P3 finishes on Saturday and Sunday respectively. Even if you account for outside factors such as Max's sidepod damage in the sprint and Alonso's on/off DRS problems, Charles still had the pace and performance to keep the AM at bay while managing tyres on a car that's much worse for deg. Yes, he couldn't keep the Bulls behind in the long run, but they're in a league of their own and he's still the non-RB driver that came closest to challenging them.

Now we're back to Carlos being happier with the car and Charles having a hard time extracting what he wants out of it. We'll see how they are on race pace, but idk to me their pace wasn't all that much better here than it was in Baku?? Maybe it's the fact that Alonso's more in the mix this time around, but. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[judeschoices]

Good Enough

A Tyler Woods story because I highkey don’t like how PB was setting up his character in the beginning. So I wanna do him some form of justice with a fanfic because he deserves better. Just to make it crystal clear, I don’t condone violence unless it’s a last resort sort of thing.

Thankfully Tyler got more character development as time passes but to satisfy my growing disappointment, I’ll create a backstory for him.

You should know I name my MCs Judith (I actually did a guy route for COP, so any male MC would be named Jude). So it’s gonna be Tyler Woods x Valentine Judith Stone (both characters are black, surprise surprise).

On with the story!

Book: Murder at Homecoming

Pairing: Tyler Woods x Valentine “Judith” Stone

Rating: Teens

Tags: Reflective, Fluff, Mutual Pining (ish)

——————————————

Tyler Woods grew up as someone who was always questioning his worth. With the life he’s lived thus far, it’s been a common thing where he would ask himself the question:

‘Am I good enough?’

His mother worked endless hours at a diner to help support the family and to get Tyler into a good school where he can get a good education. His father has been in and out of jail for selling drugs around the block. This has been happening since he was eight years old.

After seeing what his father is doing with his life and how his dear mom went through so much to put him a better position, he silently vowed to be someone great. Only… it didn’t turn out that way.

Growing up as a kid leading up to his now late teenage years, Tyler didn’t live in a safe gated community like his peers. Where he lived, drug dealing and robberies were common. His version of a lullaby was the sound of police sirens and gunshots. He didn’t wear anything flashy or brand names since his mom couldn’t afford such things. This didn’t go unnoticed by his richer classmates.

They would laugh and jeer at his hand-me-down clothes and sneakers. Whisper amongst themselves to watch their stuff closely just in case he would try to steal it. Talk down at him for what type of family he came from. He was constantly picked on for his lanky build, an easy target for bullies to vent their own anger out on.

His teachers were no better. No matter how many times he’s told an adult or even gotten his mother involved, the bullying didn’t stop. Tyler knew it was because the last thing the school needs is to lose a rich future beneficiary. They’ll gladly expel him first before even thinking about have a parent teacher conference for one of those stuffy rich kids. Gladly tell him that he would never become anyone worth remembering.

Tyler tried keeping his head down best he could but it wasn’t until one day one of his bullies slammed him against the lockers. He was already having a sour day. He missed the bus early that morning and had to run several blocks to the next bus stop if he wanted to the slightest chance to getting to school on time. He failed another one of his math tests for a third time in a row. He forgot his essay at home since he spent most of the night writing and falling asleep at his desk, thus making him miss his alarm and late for school. He almost fell asleep in his last class for the day and the teacher made a show of hitting his knuckles with a ruler with the entire class laughing at him.

With all that and now his supposed daily dose of bullying, something in the young boy snapped. His hand curled into a fist before he could think twice about what he was doing and he swung.

Tyler could never fully remember what happened. The next thing he remember was being the office, both him and the bully dawning quite a few bruises.

He and the kid were suspended for fighting. While he was upset about having to stay home and disappointing his mother, he felt a bit better that there was a bit of justice in the situation. 

That he finally stood up for himself.

He didn’t want to be other peoples’ doormat anymore. 

Granted he didn’t go looking for fights, he didn’t want to jeopardize the opportunity his mother worked so hard to give him. So he took up running. Running was his personal escape from reality. Where he felt free. Where he could be himself. Where he knew it didn’t matter what was your background or what your status was, it was about your athletic prowess. He tried out for the track team and easily got on the team. His skill made him recognizable among his peers. 

But he never got over his anger and trauma from dealing with the upper crest of society. 

It only grew worse as he entered high school. It was like no matter what he did, it was like someone was out to get him. Everyone seemed to hate him because some low life from the rough part of town could easily smoke them on the track field.

He hated what happened to Brett’s sister.

He hated that he stressed his mom about the potential expulsion.

He hated that once he was expelled, they’ll easily replace him with someone else.

He hated that he was never good enough.

When Gabbie offered to save him from himself, he took the opportunity. He couldn’t let his mom down, he couldn’t let himself down. Gabbie had an influence he could only dream of having. She was his friend.

Though he wished how the next several months played out differently. After the incident, she asked him to be her fake boyfriend. While he did want to ask why, he held his tongue. She helped him when he needed it most, the least he could was to do the same to her.

It’s not like he was interested in someone else for him to say no... or so he thought.

It was two months before Homecoming that he really noticed her.

Infamous kid detective, Judith Stone. 

It’s not like he really spoke to her before, it was by chance he even got to interact with her. 

She seemed to be in a rush somewhere, but she didn’t seem to notice that he was walking past the corner she about to round. She collided with him like a speeding bullet. After stumbling back a few steps, he was able to steady the both of them. 

“Are you okay,” he asked her, holding the girl up by her waist. The head of soft bouncy curls looked up, revealing a pair of big dark brown eyes. Tyler felt his mouth dry up as those eyes blinked slowly as him. Full lips parted as Judith spoke,

“Yeah. Thank you, Tyler.” The girl pulled away from the track star’s embrace before rushing off.

Tyler watched after her with a dumbfounded expression and a fluttering heart.

Tyler had little crushes in the past. But Judith was a different story. It wasn’t something that died in a few days or even a few weeks. It lasted for months and showed no signs of fizzling out.

Tyler tried to talk himself out of liking her. Like many of the girls he’s crushed on, they would never give him the time of day. People already look at him sideways for “dating” Gabbie. He would always hear how he wasn’t good enough for the likes of her and how she could possibly see something in him. 

Judith couldn’t possibly see him like he saw her. No matter how desperately he wished for there to be some sort of chance.

Then Homecoming night came.

When he saw Judith slide into the limo, he almost choked. The short shimmery 20′s style dress hugged her figure perfectly. Her hair was braided back and formed a low bun, revealing her face. Those dark brown eyes scanned the car’s occupants and finally landed on him. He could feel his heart kickstart in his chest as she greeted him with a small smile.

On the way to the school, he kept stealing glances at the girl detective, wishing that it was her that was wrapped under his arm...

Then the news of Gabbie’s death came crashing down on all of them. He felt crushed that his friend died, believing it was his fault. During their “relationship”, Gabbie was being highly secretive. It drove him crazy sometimes because he would have to cover for her and he had no idea what exactly he was helping her hide. He even considered following her to get some answers but decided against it, not wanting to risk getting caught.

Though he didn’t expect Gabbie’s death would lead to him talking to Judith...

...well after she broke into his locker, broke into his car, hopped out of his moving car, sent him on a wild goose chase into the woods, nearly smacked him with tree branch wielded in her small hands, and accused him of murdering Gabbie.

What a crazy start to their story.

Even when she looked ready to knocked his head clean off his shoulders, he couldn’t help but to find her beautiful. The setting sun bathe her in a breathtaking glow. He couldn’t look away from her eyes.

No matter how angry those eyes seem to be, he couldn’t help but to be captivated at how they lit up from a dark, almost black, color to a rich mahogany brown. 

They sat and chatted by the cliff side once she was through with interrogating him. Not willing to let the girl go just yet, he invited Judith to the diner where his mom used to work at. He never brought anyone else there before. Not even Gabbie.

The place was one of the few places that was near and dear to him. He had memories of sitting at one of the retro booths, watching his mom flit from table to table while he did his homework. The workers adored her, him as well.

Whether Judith knew it or not, he was letting her in on something he would never show to others.

...and he may or may not have been treating it as if it was date.

What? You can’t blame a guy for wishing for something more with the girl he’s been pining after for months.

Hearing her talk about herself intrigued him. Especially when he learned Judith wasn’t even her real first name. He knew she preferred to go by her middle name but he hoped that maybe one day he would be special enough to call her Valentine.

For her to be his little Valentine.

Though he felt his hopes were being dashed as they started working together. He almost found himself getting into fights with their persons of interests, nearly ruining their chances of gathering any intel. Judith had to step in each time do some level of damage control because his sorry ass couldn’t control his temper.

He felt ashamed with himself.

The last thing he wanted was for her to see him to be more of a hindrance rather a beneficial partner. See him as some bullhead jock.

All he wanted was to be good enough for her...

The dwindling hope he felt sparked anew when they shared their first kiss. At first, he couldn’t believe it. After she basically cornered him into confessing on why the track had it out for him and how he almost got expelled, he felt like she was going to shun him. As if the last shred of good that she possibly saw him whittered away.

Hearing her say that she didn’t hate him and she saw that he was trying to make amends to what had happened in the past nearly made him sag in relief. He really did care about how she thought of him and wanted nothing more but to stay in her good graces.

He wanted to be more than that little boy who was shunned by everyone because his social status in society was beneath theirs. More than the kid that thought that standing up for himself was using his fists first and words later. More than some fake boyfriend.

He wanted to be Tyler Woods, someone who was more than his circumstances. A young man with a promising future ahead of him and was making his hardworking mother proud. A boy who had the heart and affections of a certain girl detective. 

He remembered giving her a small smile when she shifted forward. The solid thump his heart gave against his ribcage when those full pouty lips he secretly daydreamed about brushing against his own nearly made him breathless. He immediately leaned in the rest of the way, kissing her with all the pent up emotion he’s been feeling for months. Feeling her cup his face as she kissed him back with the same energy made him melt a little on the inside. He tried leaning over on her side as much as he physically could, wanting to make the moment last between them.

As much as he wanted the special moment to last forever, they both needed to breathe at some point.

Pulling apart, he felt as if he was blinded by her breathtaking smile.

“I honestly wanted to do that for so long...” Judith raised an amused brow at the track star’s breathless confession.

“Oh? How long are we talking,” she asked. Tyler could feel his face heat up and he knew she could probably feel it, seeing how she was still cupping his face with her delicate hands.

“Since... since you ran into me that one time. Few months before Homecoming. I wasn’t sure if you would even like me and with everything that’s been going since Homecoming, it probably would be weird to confess such a thing,” he shyly admitted. The girl let out a chuckle, the sound was rich and warm. It reminded Tyler of drinking a cup of hot chocolate.

“Dork. It just so happened I like weird,” she mumbled, looking into his eyes. Tyler could see the sincerity in those dark irises and he felt a goofy grin break out on his face and he leaned in for another kiss.

Since then, Judith seemed to be opening up about her feelings towards him, and Tyler couldn’t be anymore happier about it.

The night they stayed out together to share the cheesecake they won with Donovan and Stevie was growing proof that she returned his feelings. She was going out her way to get him alone and that thought alone made him feel giddy on the inside.

He originally didn’t really want to do the trivia night. Donovan, Judith, and Stevie seemed so much smarter to him, what could he possibly contribute. But once they all got a groove of things, he found himself enjoying their company. When Donovan and Stevie left, he felt his heart flutter at the smile Judith was giving him.

They laughed at their first real interaction outside of Homecoming, she comforted him on his insecurities, and got to share something sweet with her. 

And it wasn’t just the cheesecake.

Tyler had been secretly hoping to experience another kiss with her. He hasn’t stopped thinking about their first kiss. Her lips were the softest thing he’s ever felt and she tasted like vanilla. Tasting that familiar vanilla bean chapstick mixed with the cheesecake they shared was a heady combination. He wrapped an arm around her waist, eager to have her closer to him.

The kiss was curious and sweet. As if they wanted to explore their feelings in this new tender way neither of them would have suspected months ago.

“Mmm... I was wondering when we were going to do that again,” he mumbled, gazing into those dark eyes. Judith graced him with one of her bright smiles, slender fingers fiddled with his necklace as she gazed back.

“Whenever you want,” she said, kissing his cheek. He chuckled at the mental image that popped up in his mind.

“I don’t think Donovan and Stevie would like that very much. Especially Stevie,” he challenged with a cocked brow. Judith let out a chuckle of her own.

“Okay, fair. How about this, you can kiss me any time you want to and we’re not with either of them,” she concede. Tyler leaned in, pecking her lips a few more times. When he opened his eyes, Judith could see his eyes darken with want as he slowly licked his lips.

“Oh, you’re definitely gonna regret saying that,” he mumbled, his voice taking on a more huskier edge. Judith smirked at the track star.

“Somehow I don’t think I will,” she teased, her voice coming out as a purr as she ran her fingers over the back of his neck. Tyler mentally groaned.

‘She’s going to be the death of me...’

Despite them coming together under unique circumstances... Tyler never felt like more of a normal teenager before. Some days, his basic goal was just to make the stoic girl smile she rarely lets anyone else see.

Like when she texted him hours before the party.

Well... when he mentioned “pre-game”, he was hoping for a few kisses as well.

Tyler was quickly developing a sweet tooth for Judith kisses, he is man enough to admit he melts a little when she offers him one.

Though when he notice how stressed the girl seemed to be, he was more than happy to take her mind off of it by spending time with her and her adorable fluffball of a dog, Puck.

He loved their afternoon stroll. Tyler secretly hoped when he found the courage to ask her to be his girlfriend that they could do this more often. Seeing Puck bounce around his owner, seeing her smile adoringly at him. The feeling of her hand intertwined with his. Her head on his shoulder. Seeing Judith try to hide her amused giggle behind her hand as he played with “Pucky-Poo”.

The moment between them was something he never felt before in his life...

He felt like he was finally good enough...

Good enough to be with such a beautiful and captivating girl who so happens to go by the name Valentine Judith Stone.

“I’m just some guy. You’re Judith Stone,” he remarks as he sat on the girl’s bed. They were waiting for Donovan and Stevie to show up so they could all go to the party. Judith was standing in front of him as he said this. Her dark eyes soften as she gazed at him, taking the track star runner by surprise.

“Tyler, you’re definitely not ‘just some guy’. Not to me,” Judith said softly. The air surrounding the two seemed to have shifted. As if both them suddenly realized that they were no longer co-detectives working on a case but two teenagers, alone together in a room... 

Judith stepped closer, standing in between the space of Tyler’s knees. Their hands naturally gravitated towards each other. Judith’s hands finding purchase on Tyler’s shoulders, while his hands found the curve of her hips. Their lips met in a gentle kiss, testing the waters and their resolve.

Tyler could feel Judith’s fingers dance along the sensitive skin of his neck before tangling themselves in his curly hair. Her neatly filed nails gently scratched his scalp. A low groan escaped the back of his throat as he tugged the girl closer. Judith seemed catch the hint, straddling the older boy.

“I was hoping this was why you called,” he mumbled against her lips, looking at the young detective with a hooded gaze. Judith gave him a familiar flirtatious smirk.

“Just here for the smooches, are you,” she teased. A low laugh escaped him as he spread kisses all over the girl’s face. Judith giggled at the quick butterfly kisses tickling her cheeks. Tyler gave her a kiss on her forehead, another on the tip of her nose, before finally returning to her lips. Judith let out a small moan when she felt one of Tyler’s hands run up her back, pressing against the space between her shoulder blades to pull her closer. Tyler pulled away to look into her eyes.

“I hope I’ve made it clear that I like you, Judith. Kisses or no,” he whispered in her ear. The girl shuddered at the tickling sensation on her ear. She chuckled.

“But the kisses don’t hurt, now do they,” she teased, running her small hands over his shoulders. Tyler answered her with another kiss.

Tyler knew he would never tire of this act. Getting the chance to feel his crush’s lips against his in an intimate way. Being able to hold her this close. To be surround by the scent of warm vanilla and a sweet musk scent. He let out a soft hum when he felt her arch against him, her thighs tightening around his hips. One of his hands slid in her hair while the other felt along the muscle of her thigh.

He nipped on her lower lip, coaxing her to open up to him. Just as their tongues met, there was a knock at the door.

“Judith! The rest of your friends are here,” her mom called. The pair sprang apart, blushing deeply. But there were twin goofy smiles on their face. Judith place one more kiss on his cheek before answering her mom.

Tyler stared at the teen PI like a lovesick puppy.

‘One day Valentine... one day, I hope to be good enough for you to call me your boyfriend...’

[dankusner]

DeBoer seeks ‘redo’ on heated exchange

Tim Cowlishaw

Asked if fatigue was a factor in Game 5 loss, he said it’s no excuse Wayne Gretzky has called this Western Conference finals the most unpredictable series he has ever seen.

Maybe that helps explain how Stars coach Pete DeBoer was telling me he hadn’t seen me all year and to write “whatever the f--- you’re gonna write” late Friday night, and yet by early Saturday afternoon DeBoer confided he enjoys reading my column on all sports and asked for a “redo” on my question.

These are tough times for everyone.

The Stars are down 3-2 in a series they led 2-1 just four days ago.

This is the first time they have faced elimination since Game 7 against Vegas, a winner-take-all home game — which, despite the Stars’ sparkling road record, was still a more favorable situation than needing to beat the Oilers twice starting Sunday night in Edmonton.

So when I asked DeBoer about his team’s lifeless performance Friday, he snapped and said I was questioning his team‘s character and did the whole bit about not having seen me all year even though he saw me and answered my questions on his team’s fatigue that morning.

It happens.

I’ve had a lot worse blowups from Tex Schramm and Jimmy Johnson and even Don Nelson that just never made TV or social media.

Before the Stars took off for Canada on Saturday, they had a brief availability at Love Field, where I asked DeBoer if it helps that the Stars have already won back-to-back games once in this series.

“Yeah. That’s a good question, Tim,” DeBoer said, letting out a hearty laugh. “Let’s do a redo.”

On Saturday, DeBoer was back to being the confident coach who operates in conference finals on almost an annual basis.

Friday night, after a lackluster 3-1 loss, he was a man perhaps speculating on how the Stanley Cup was eluding him once again.

But getting ready to hop on a plane and take the best road team to Edmonton to do its thing has a way of being both invigorating and relaxing.

“Again to last night, if I had a redo on your question, this team — and I’m not saying you were, but I took it that way in an emotional moment after the game — the one thing we can’t question was our commitment, our care or our character,” DeBoer said. “This team was in third place [in the Central Division] with eight weeks left in the season, found a way to win the conference and push for the Presidents’ Trophy [falling one point short of New York].

“Then it was down against the last two Stanley Cup champs in rounds one and two, including 2-0 going into Las Vegas. Found a way to get off the mat, win those series. So I get the question, I get how it felt last night, but I’ve got a lot of confidence in the character of the room.”

When I mentioned that my question was directed more at possible fatigue, especially having had to stretch his thin defensive group to the point where Miro Heiskanen leads active players in minutes played, Esa Lindell is tied for second, Thomas Harley is fifth and Chris Tanev would be sixth if not for minutes missed with a leg injury in Game 4, DeBoer said, “And you know what, that’s a really fair point. But we’re not going to use that as an excuse. If it’s real, it might be, but that can’t come into play this time of year.”

The Stars aren’t finished yet.

Edmonton has gained the upper hand by scoring eight straight goals to take Games 4 and 5, and Connor McDavid and Leon Draisaitl, two of the world’s best, are feeling awfully close to their first Cup Final.

But they still have to get there. A resilient Dallas team, much better on the road than at home throughout these playoffs, has work to do Sunday night just to keep Game 7 alive.

There are no more redos for mistakes of any kind.

[graziadiocenterilpostino]

Student Spotlight: Mary Conte

1. Tell us a bit about yourself and what made you interested in studying at CSU Long Beach.

I was born in New York and moved to California because of my work. Actually–I moved to California twice because of my work, come to think of it. One time I was working at a music company in New York (which is also Capitol Records) and my boss wanted me to help work on a new computer system which would extract the most important information from contracts in a computer system to help pay royalties to the recording artists. This record company at the time had labels not only in New York City, but also in Toronto, Canada and also in Nashville and also Los Angeles as well as the UK.

Another place I worked at was as a legal consultant for Price Waterhouse Coopers. They also had many projects with various companies e.g. Universal Studios, SONY, and startups about how to make sure the various divisions could communicate. They needed to know how to distribute their products, and whether they could develop new ones.

I know this sounds simple but actually the sales people really need to know if they can sell a movie in Italy or Germany for example, and then the people who actually do the work of sending the 'elements' need to know the particularities of what each country requires. Also someone may be able to create a feature film from a script but NOT be able to create a TV show. Also music has its own dimension of complexity.

Regarding CSULB, two things happened. One: someone in one of my classes said that his wife was attending Cal State Long Beach, and they had an excellent Italian department and also an Italian club. Another: I met a gentleman over 40 who was taking classes in the theater department. He was a part-time actor but wanted to expand and enrich his skills, so he was attending Cal State Long Beach. One day I looked up the web site and left a message for Professor Vettore, Chair of the Graziadio Center, because I felt I could not find any way to deepen my Italian skills as an adult and I wanted to be able to speak Italian fluently. And he actually emailed me back and we spoke about what I was looking for and what might be required. I also learned that I might be eligible for Italian citizenship, so my paperwork is at the Italian Consulate. It's kind of a contest will they respond faster than I obtain a MA in Italian. We will see.

2.  In addition to Italian, you’ve also studied French. Can you tell us more about this and what led to your eventual switch to Italian?

I'm fortunate to have traveled a little and have met people of different cultures and have been a person studying in France or Italy and not knowing all the customs and that helps me have patience with others that don't necessarily know how we do things. We in the US, We in California, and We at this particular company. So I may be dealing with the artists, but also their managers, and their other musicians which are many times from all over the place. And there are so many layers with visas and embassies and money. All over the place in the US and all over the place in the world.

What I have found is any opportunity to speak someone else's language or to be curious about someone else's culture is always appreciated. I got an MA in French right out of college because I had participated in a cultural exchange program after high school, because I met a French exchange student in one of my French classes who was living with a family of one of the teachers) and was fortunate to have had 3 years when I lived in France.

But my family is Italian, all the grandparents. Sicily & Calabria and Ancona & not far from Naples (Castellammare di Stabia) just one-two train stops from Pompeii! They are always kind of overwhelming. My parents are first generation and they both went to college and we all (me and my three brothers went to college). Because that was a way to get ahead.

And I met someone at a conference who was organizing a trip to Italy, and I hadn't been there since college, and my spouse had never been there. So, we decided to sign up at the Italian Cultural center in Los Angeles, and take a class, because I would feel ashamed to not be able to say something to people because I was too lazy to learn some of the basics. And although we signed up for Italian, they put us in a class of 'Italian for Tourists". Well that was a disappointment. But as I wanted to learn more Italian I found that there were many classes that were like this for adults. Mostly geared to tourism only.

3. Do you have any recommendations for anyone interested in an MA in Italian Studies? 

Although at the time I wasn't excited about the pre-requisites I had to take, it was great to be able to meet undergraduates and graduate students, and to lay that foundation of grammar and literature. One of the things to definitely participate in is the program we have with Roma Tre students. And definitely take a translation class. Also, so far I've met two presidents of the Italian Club, and they work really hard to have interesting cultural programs.

4. Outside of school, you work as a lawyer. What do you enjoy about your job? Do your language skills tie into your career in any way?

Right now I work for an agency which signs artists from the US and all over the world and helps them tour. Our niche is folk or roots music. For example tonight at Cal State LA we have an artist Sonya Jobarteh (considered Africa's first female griot kora virtuoso) playing with Taj Mahal. I think we may have someone coming soon to the Carpenter Center. We did have an American artist (New York based Irish-American fiddler) play with the Long Beach Symphony orchestra.

5. Do you have a favorite city you’ve visited in Italy? If so, which one?

How do you pick a favorite city in Italy? I loved Torino because there aren't so many tourists, and at the big outdoor market I can also speak French! We got to rent bikes and ride in Abruzzo along the Trabocchi coast. I forgot about this but I think when I was single I went to Italy and got to do a tour with Davis Phinney and Connie Carpenter and Andy Hampstead and his wife. Andy Hampstead is the only American to ever win the Giro d'Italia. Yes I do own one of the best production bicycles ever made, it's Italian, a Calnago C-40. But that's another story…

Mary and il cane Marcus Aurelius