#harge aird

[miss-morgans-lover]

IT'S CAROL'S LOST GLOVE MONTH PEOPLE!!!

It's Therese taking photos of Carol getting a Christmas tree month too.

And them going on their first date month

And Therese meeting Rindy and Harge at Carol's house month as well

(Honourable mention for Harge's line of "That's bold")

And Therese and Carol's roadtrip month

(Honourable mention for "My angel, flung out of space" month, {January})

[sharry-arry-odd]

Was life, were human relations like this always, Therese wondered. Never solid ground underfoot. Always like gravel, a little yielding, noisy so the whole world could hear, so one always listened, too, for the loud, harsh step of the intruder's foot.

The Price of Salt, by Patricia Highsmith

[reppyy]

Please consider subscribing to my channel :D

[mymoviewatches]

ᐢ..ᐢ - Carol (2015)

- - - - [Movie Rating 38] - - - -

★ Ratings ★

✩ Personal Rating: 8/10

✩ IMDb Rating: 7.2/10

[hallospaceboyy]

Easy Living

Carol Aird x Femme Reader

Content warning: Smut

Carol rises gracefully from the carpeted floor, hips swaying as she approaches the gramophone. The dulcet sound of Billie Holiday's ‘Easy Living’ caressing your ears as her slender fingers place the needle delicately onto the record. While you imagine caressing Carol.

You know it’s wrong, know that it could cost Carol everything, but you can’t seem to stay away from her – and her you. As far as Harge knew, you’d gone your separate ways months ago, when Carol assured him so; and the joint custody of Rindy had remained steadfast. You’d never expected Harge to be a man of his word.

Carol turns and smirks at you, her neat curls bouncing.

“Do you remember the first time we danced to this?” Her voice is sonorous, teasing, as her hands clasp your waist and pulls your body flush against hers. You feel your cheeks warm as you feel every soft curve, every angle of her.

“How could I forget?” Your voice comes out a whisper as her hands travel lower, as she begins to sway you in time to the music.

She kisses you then, lips velvety soft and full against yours, and your head spins, fogs with only thoughts of Carol – how she tastes, how she feels, her warmth, her scent, sweet and spicy all at once. Carol has that effect – complete euphoria, invading all of your senses in the best ways possible. She consumes you, burns you up, until it feels like only the two of you are left on the entire planet, until you forget the existence of everyone else.

Carol’s kisses become more desperate, her teeth nipping at your lip, her chest heaving with want as her hands paw at your ass, red nails digging into soft flesh – kneading there as you deepen the kiss, tongue meeting tongue.

All of a sudden, Carol pulls away, and her blue eyes are hardly blue at all – pupils dilated, dark with lust and longing. She bites her lip and nimbly kneels before you. Her hands glide up your thighs, squeezing firmly and she pushes you gently to lean against the wingback chair, conveniently behind you.

“Y/N...” Your name leaves her lips as a breathy sigh, and you shiver, brushing her hair from her forehead as she begins bunching up your figure-hugging dress you’d deliberately worn around your hips.

“Yes, Carol?” You part your legs.

“I want to taste you. Now.” The blonde nips at your inner thigh and you gasp, letting out a breathy laugh. She grins up at you as you snap the waistband of your lace underwear against your hip, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Then what are you waiting for? Bon appetit.”

Carol chuckles as she tugs the garment down your legs, flinging them to one side. You feel her warm breath between your legs as her eyes gaze upward to meet your own.

“Don’t make me regret taking you to Paris. Cheeky.”

Then her tongue flicks out over your clit, quickly at first, followed by a long, firm stroke. Your breath catches in your throat, head falling back as you fist a hand in her blonde curls. She laughs deeply against you, relishes watching you come apart so easily for her.

“My good girl.” She murmurs against you, then resumes the rapid movements of her tongue. You can feel the warmth flood between your thighs, and just as you tense, sparks dancing behind your eyelids, she slows, reverting to long, teasing strokes with the very tip of her tongue.

You whine in frustration, one hand clutching her hair, the other clawing at the chair behind you as your legs shake.

“Carol, please,” You breathe, voice tremoring in your throat.

“Look at me, sweetheart,” Her voice is soft, yet commanding, and you roll your head forwards on your shoulders to gaze down at her with clouded eyes – taking in the haze of her own, her mussed hair, her always perfectly red stained lips smudged. She smirks and winks at you. “Now keep looking. For as long as you can.”

You nod meekly, unable to think of anything but how desperately you need her to carry on, to grant you release – and so she does. Peering up at you, she resumes her ministrations ravenously, her lips closing around your clit and sucking, then flicking again, hard and fast, right on the sweet spot that makes you feel like your legs are going to collapse beneath you.

Your climax crashes through you like a tidal wave, bursts of pleasure jolting through you like lightning, and you moan and whimper loudly, hips bucking against Carol’s eager mouth. You maintain eye contact, and she hums, gripping your hips and anchoring you to the armchair as your legs threaten to give way at the vibrations.

As you come down, you let your eyes drift shut and she smirks up at you, pressing a single kiss to your still sensitive nub before licking her lips and rising to stand on her knees. Carol presses the side of her face to your stomach, and you cradle her head with trembling arms, fingers raking through her blonde tresses.

“I love you,” She murmurs, arms snaking around your waist.

You smile, taking her arms and tugging gently, gesturing for her to stand. She does, coming face to face with your hooded eyes; and as you gaze at her, taking in the soft crows feet at the corners of her eyes, the smile lines alongside her mouth, the pinkness of her cheeks, the sky blue of her eyes, she looks almost unsure – pale blue searching your face, but her smile never wavers.

“I love you too, Carol. And I have for a long time.”

Her whole face softens as you cup her cheek, and she kisses you, with no urgency this time. Soft and slow, with the faint hiss of the finished record still spinning in the background, Carol knows you have all the time in the world.

[scarlettjohanssons-mistress]

I NEED A PART TWO OF THESE

You're beautiful 2

Warnings: PURE fluff, domestic fluff

Word count: 1.2 K

Pairing: Carol Aird x Fem!Reader

Prompt: An impromptu date, books and men?

Requests: OPEN

[Main masterlist] [Carol masterlist]

The next morning, I realised that we had forgotten to close the curtains in the bedroom, as the sun was beating directly into my eyes. I couldn't fall asleep again, so I started to move around in bed, until I heard a groan and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Carol's blonde hair move.

"Hmmn, don't go," still half asleep, she put her arm on my hip and tried to pull me closer to her.

"I'm just going to close the curtain. The sun won't let me sleep".

She only moaned again, but she didn't let go. She opened her eyes, giving me the pleasure of being the first to see those blue rivers in the morning.

I had always thought I had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen, but in the morning, they were much more beautiful. They turned from a greenish blue to a light blue, like spring skies, like carnations.

"Good morning princess smiles" the blonde teased.

I didn't notice, but I was so engrossed in Carol's eyes, I didn't realise I was looking at her with puppy dog eyes and a stupid grin.

"Good morning"

"Did you sleep well?"

"I'm the one who should be asking you that question, did you sleep well… after what happened?"

"Hmm next to you, I slept wonderfully."

I didn't know what to say to her, so I simply reached up to caress her right cheek with a smile, causing me to give her another.

"Do you plan to do anything?"

"I had lunch planned with Abby…" I felt my heart break a little, and apparently it was all too evident on my face "But I think she can wait."

"So…?"

"Fancy going into town?" she asked as she rested her weight on her right forearm and with her left hand, tried to tuck a lock of my hair behind my ear.

"Sounds like a great plan.

———————————————————————————

Carol let me use some cleaning products, and she let me use her bathroom, but when she insisted that I use some of her clothes I had to refuse.

I was too clumsy, and was well known for spilling food on myself. I would never forgive staining clothes as expensive as those of the blonde woman.

I came out of the bathroom in the same simple dress I had on yesterday and quickly went down the big stairs. Carol was not in the hall.

"Carol?"

"Darling, do you want me to make breakfast or can we go to a coffee shop?"

"Can you cook anything without Florence?" I joked with her.

"You found me out," she said, smiling with those beautiful lips of her.

"Going to a coffee shop sounds perfect".

"Well, if that's the case, you won't be able to go with your coat" I quickly turned my head to look at her doubtfully "It's too cold, and your coat isn't warm enough to cope. You'll have to wear one of mine."

"No, I refuse"

"It's not an option, darling"

"Then I can't go out. I'm not going to wear one of your coats."

"Sweetie, what's your problem with wearing any of my clothes?"

I felt the heat and warmth start to rise in my cheeks, so I bowed my head to the ground.

"I'm afraid to stain it"

She just laughed and made me raise my head.

"Oh darling, that's not a problem" she quickly disappeared into the hall wardrobe and came out wearing a black coat, which matched my white dress perfectly. "Look at you, you look like a sweet doll."

———————————————————————————

The breakfast had been perfect. Fancy enough for Carol to feel at home in the place, but homey enough for me not to fall apart next to her.

We were both completely different in that respect. She came from a wealthy family, who had fallen in with Harge's even wealthier family. I had had to sell the only souvenir I had of my mother in order to eat.

"Are you all right?"

Carol gently took my arm, causing me to stop walking distractedly and start paying attention to her.

"What?"

"I asked if you were well. You seem distracted"

"Oh, it's nothing"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes…" but just as I was trying to come up with a better excuse, my eyes automatically focused on the second-hand bookstore across the street from the shopping plaza Carol wanted to go to.

The blonde seemed to notice, so she turned her head to look around the room.

"Do you want to go?" she asked with a toothless grin.

"Doesn't it bother you?"

"Not at all. On the contrary, now, without Rindy, I think I could do with a good book."

Without even waiting for Carol, I quickly ran to the bookshop, looking at the millions and millions of books that could be housed in such a small space.

Not only were there shelves full of books, there was also a small shelf full of vinyls, another full of magazines and another full of comics.

"Wow, I've never seen this shop before," Carol said as soon as she opened the door.

From a connecting room, a man emerged, handsome, rather portly, with lank blond hair, and green eyes behind big black glasses.

"Good afternoon, can I help you with something?

"No, thank you…"

———————————————————————————

"Actually," Carol interrupted, still looking at the neatly organised vinyl. "I'd like to see if you have any Billie Holiday."

"I think we can find something that will satisfy your desires, fair lady."

Yes, the books I could find on the shelves were varied, interesting and eye-catching, but not even my love of reading made me look away from Carol and the man.

The two stood facing each other, holding a variety of vinyls in their arms, talking animatedly.

But, something inside my stomach churned when the man passed her a red vinyl, but his hand brushed a little against the blonde's freckled hand.

I quickly grabbed the two books I wanted to buy and walked over to them.

Carefully I turned my back to Carol and rested my head on her shoulder.

"What are you doing?"

The blonde jumped in fright, eliciting a small giggle from the man.

"Girl, don't scare me"

I couldn't help laughing either.

Carol and the man kept flipping through the vinyl sleeves, until I saw the one I knew Rindy would love.

"You should buy that one," I pointed out.

"'The Wizard of Oz?'" asked Carol, raising an eyebrow.

"It's Rindy's and my favourite film".

"It's a GREAT film," the man said.

"Well, if you two are so insistent, I'll buy it."

Before I could say anything else, Carol snatched the books from me and walked to the counter. The man followed her, as did I, and proceeded to collect the items. He put them in a bag and before handing it to the blonde, he pulled out a pink card from under the table. He looked at us and asked us to read it.

'Homosexual bar'.

We both looked at him with confusion. He just winked at us.

"My boyfriend and I would be delighted to welcome a couple as beautiful as you".

"But how?"

"The looks they give each other are charming. And 'The Wizard of Oz'? is the gayest thing in the world".

Now it was my turn to laugh along with the man.

"I plead guilty," I said.

"Well, thank you very much…"

"George"

"Thank you George"

"See you there George"

Note:

Sorry for the delay, I had an eye infection and being in front of a computer was impossible for me.

I love them ❤

I hope you enjoy it

I appreciate the reblogs, the likes and the comments

taglist: @littlebitchsposts // @xxsekhmet

message me or send an ask to be added to my taglist!

[byneddiedingo]

Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara in Carol (Todd Haynes, 2015)

Cast: Cate Blanchett, Rooney Mara, Kyle Chandler, Sarah Paulson, Jake Lacy, John Magaro, Cory Michael Smith, Kevin Crowley, Nik Pajic. Screenplay: Phyllis Nagy, based on a novel by Patricia Highsmith. Cinematography: Edward Lachman. Production design: Judy Becker. Film editing: Affonso Gonçalves. Music: Carter Burwell.

With her Mamie Eisenhower bangs and heart-shaped face, Rooney Mara in Carol becomes the reincarnation of such '50s icons as Audrey Hepburn, Jean Simmons, and Maggie McNamara -- particularly the McNamara of The Moon Is Blue (Otto Preminger, 1953), that once-scandalous play and movie about a young woman who defies convention by talking openly about sex while retaining her virginity. It's just coincidence that Carol is set at the end of 1952 and into 1953, the year of the release of The Moon Is Blue, but the juxtaposition of McNamara's Patty O'Neill and Mara's Therese Belivet seems to me appropriate because the 1950s have become such a touchstone for examining our attitudes toward sex. Director Todd Haynes and screenwriter Phyllis Nagy, adapting a novel by Patricia Highsmith, have done an exemplary job in Carol of not tilting the emphasis toward Grease-style caricature or Mad Men-style satire of the era, or exploiting the same-sex relationship in the film for sensationalism or statement-making. Carol is a story about people in relationships, clear-sightedly viewed in a way that Therese herself would endorse. After asking her boyfriend Richard (Jake Lacy) if he's ever been in love with a boy and receiving a shocked reply that he's only "heard of people like that," Therese replies, "I don't mean people like that. I just mean two people who fall in love with each other." It's this matter-of-factness that the film tries to maintain throughout its story of Therese and Carol (Cate Blanchett), the well-to-do wife in a failing marriage. That the film is set in the 1950s, when cracks were showing in the conventional attitudes toward both marriage and homosexuality, gives piquancy to their relationship, but it doesn't limit it. The story could be (and probably is) playing itself out today in various combinations of sexual identity. The film works in large part because of the steadiness of Haynes at the helm, with two extraordinary actresses at the center and beautiful support from Sarah Paulson as Abby, Carol's ex-lover, and Kyle Chandler (one of those largely unsung actors like the late Bill Paxton who make almost everything they appear in better) as Carol's husband, the hard-edged Harge Aird. The sonic texture of the 1950s is splendidly provided by Carter Burwell's score and a selection of classic popular music by artists like Woody Herman, Georgia Gibbs, Les Paul and Mary Ford, Perry Como, Eddie Fisher, Patti Page, Jo Stafford, and Billie Holiday.

[eddysocs]

Carol OC Masterlist

Name: Loretta Butler

Face Claim: Gugu Mbatha-Raw

Love Interest: Carol Aird

Fic Title: To Love In The Open

Plot Summary: During a fight with Harge, Carol's favorite dress is ripped. She changes into something else and leaves the house in a huff, taking the torn dress with her and driving until she finds a tailor a couple of towns over. Whether fate or coincidence, her need to escape brings her to Loretta Butler. Loretta promises she can have the dress repaired in an hour or so, with it being a slow day. When Carol asks if she can stay and watch her work, since she’d rather be anywhere than home, it kicks off an affair that could have dire consequences for both of them.

[likecastle]

Howards End is like if Carol Aird died suddenly and left Therese Belivet her house in the country, and then Therese went and married Harge.

[firstactproblems]

[carol-quotes]

‘They’re not horrid. One’s just supposed to conform. I know what they’d like, they’d like a blank they could fill in. A person already filled in disturbs them terribly.’[...]

(Chapter Eleven)

‘Carol’ (Patricia Highsmith) Images ‘Carol’ (2015) dir. Todd Haynes

[miss-morgans-lover]

Give me Carol (Haynes, 2015) asks, I wanna talk about it!!!!

These can be a variety of things:

Cinematography etc (be scene specific please)

Ships

Fav/Least Fav character

Opinions on characters

Opinions on scenes

Fav scene

Opinion on film in general

Any fic or AU ideas I have

And more, anything, I wanna talk about it!!!!!!!

[blackacre13]

Could you do a Carol and Therese enemies to lovers fic? I’ve never really seen this trope when it comes to this pairing but I think if anyone could pull it off- it’d be you💗

“Hey! Terry!”

Therese rolled her eyes at the nickname, but pasted a smile on her face as she turned around to face her co-worker.

“John,” she nodded. “Something wrong? I’m wearing the hat. See?” She sighed, shaking the pom pom portion of the Santa hat at him to demonstrate.

“Nah, nah, nah,” he laughed, coming forward to lean over the counter as he waved her closer, urging her to lean in. “Just wanted to tell you I had this interaction with a customer. I mean what a bitch.”

“John,” Therese hissed, reaching out to smack his arm as he let out a yelp, shaking it dramatically as he winced. “You can’t talk about the customers like that. Forget it. You can’t talk to women like that.”

“You don’t understand, Terry,” he warned her. “I wouldn’t talk about just any woman like that, but she was all up in arms, trying to smoke on the floor. Something about her husband needing new damn skis and how he’d ruined Christmas and she just needed to get out of there and—you know what? You’ll see for yourself in a minute. Said something about having a daughter and had me direct her to the toy department, so don’t say I didn’t warn you when she blows through here.”

She had some choice words on the tip of her tongue, but thought better of it as she thanked him curtly and went back to studying her book, ducking half-behind the counter until she noticed a woman over by the train set, studying the little train chugging around the track with an amused look on her face that made Therese curious, but as much as she wasn’t a fan of John, her guard was certainly up now. This could’ve been the woman he had been talking about and her mood was already sour enough without a hysterical customer to make matters worse.

The blonde woman seemed to be smiling at her, probably about to ask for assistance, and Therese was suddenly grateful for the harried woman who appeared in front of her with a toddler in her arms, asking for directions to the bathroom, the blonde woman gone by the time Therese appeared back at the counter. She wasn’t sure why she was partially disappointed, but decided to thank her lucky stars that she had avoided extra chaos from customers around the holidays as she snuck another glimpse at her book, suddenly distracted by black leather gloves landing on the counter, Therese looking up as she swallowed thickly.

“Hi there,” the woman sighed with a tired smile. “Let’s hope you can help me more than that bastard in the ski department.”

And there was all the confirmation that she needed. No apology. No shame. And already setting Therese up for failure that she just wasn’t having.

“I’m looking for a doll,” she explained, her hands fumbling in the air as she tried to explain it. “She’s about—I don’t know—this tall and this…let me try that again, shall we?”

Therese merely frowned, studying the woman as she rummaged through her purse, finally producing a crumbled slip of paper that looked very much like a letter to Santa from a child that ordinarily would have made Therese’s heart flutter at the thought of such sweetness, but she was already more mad than she probably had any right to be, already having decided her opinion of this woman, who merely seemed dismissive, rich, snooty, and utterly ridiculous. Even if she was one of the most beautiful women Therese had ever seen.

“I was wondering if you might help me find this doll for my daughter,” she murmured softly, passing the slip over to the brunette as Therese snatched it from her, her eyes running over the messy scrawl.

“Well, that is what we do here,” Therese smiled sarcastically. “At the doll counter.”

The woman’s lips twitched with irritation, but her smile only broke for a moment, before she continued looking at Therese hopefully.

“Bright Betsy,” Therese nodded. “She cries.”

“Oh?” The blonde laughed. “I suppose I may want to rethink that choice then.”

“I suppose so,” Therese mocked through her fake smile. “Wets herself too. But, we’re out of stock.”

Luckily, Therese thought. Maybe the woman would go elsewhere to look for the screaming doll. A little, twisted part of her hoped that it drove her as crazy as much as the child loved it.

“Left it too long,” the blonde sighed, staring to rummage through her purse again. “Right. What was your favorite doll as a girl?”

Lucky again, Therese thought. She didn’t even have to lie. Therese had never wanted or played much with her dolls and didn’t have a recommendation for the woman.

“Me?” Therese laughed. “Not many—ever—nothing comes to mind. To be honest,” she added, not wanting to come across even ruder than she meant to be.

The blonde lifted a cigarette to her lips, placing it between them before rummaging again for a lighter, and Therese was happy to have an excuse to possibly have her removed from the store. Or at least, to direct her outside and then make her escape.

“Sorry,” Therese smiled. “No smoking on the sales floor.”

“Oh, of all the—“ the woman started, her face growing red. Here came the anger. But she seemed to cool down, rethinking the comeback she’d mapped in her mind. “Forgive me,” she sighed. “Shopping makes me nervous.”

Then leave, Therese thought. Go smoke your little cigarette outside.

[carol-therese-shippers]

✨ 🌁 The places where magic was created... 💫 🎥 Carol Locations 🎬 Edward R. Stearns House 🏠 ,locateted on Wyoming, Ohio at Oliver Rd; Cincinnati 45215. This place was the Harge's Mansion ,where Carol eats with Harge's family 😒 in order to see Rindy 👧 Fortunately the love between a mother and a daughter is like the seas that are infinitely eternal, no matter the high tides or storms that stand in their ways, they hold together. 👭 💚 ✨

[pyjchen]

Excellent casts and excellent movie!

[scarlettjohanssons-mistress]

Spring painting

Warnings: Implied/referenced self-harm, references to depression only for those over 14 years of age, alternate universe - canon divergence, established relationship,

Word count: 1.7 K

Pairing: Carol Aird x Fem!Reader

Prompt: The blossoming of something real

Part two of winter painting

Requests: OPEN

[Main masterlist] [Carol masterlist]

I had heard that it was liberating.

Y/N had overheard a small conversation in the university toilets. One of her classmates told another that she felt lonely, sad and desolate, and that running a razor across her thighs and seeing the blood, along with the burning, made her feel a little better.

When Y/N returned to her classroom, she couldn't get the comment out of her head.

So much so that she didn't even pay attention to her colourimetry analysis class.

She was missing a great analysis of Monet.

When class ended, Y/N quickly hurried out of the building, only to find Carol's car parked at the curb across the street. With the windows down, Y/N could clearly see her freckle-covered arms (thanks to her short sleeves) resting on the window. Her hand, finally free of those leather gloves, exposed her red fingernails holding a cigarette that she occasionally brought to her red lips, those crimson lips, those lips that held so many secrets shared, so many smiles reciprocated, and a few lingering brushes on her cheeks. Red lips. Lips complemented by those new red horn-rimmed glasses. Y/N had given them to her for her birthday.

When Carol's gaze met Y/N's figure, she quickly flicked the butt of her cigarette and raised her glasses. She gave her a beautiful smile, forcing Y/N to reciprocate. Her deep blue gaze swept over Y/N's figure, noting her paint-stained clothes.

The younger woman greeted the blonde discreetly, and before the blonde could reply, other words came out of her mouth.

"Is it fresh paint, because if it is, you'll have to walk away, my dear."

Y/N was silent. Frozen. But before her heart could begin to break, the blonde let out a laugh, opening the passenger door and patting the seat.

"I'm just kidding, honey. Come on up, I've got a surprise for you."

Y/N climbed in being careful not to stain the leather seats of the car. Because, even if Carol was playing, Y/N didn't want to upset her. She left her backpack on the back seats and settled into the seat.

The conversation flowed well, as usual. Carol asked about Y/N's classes and about her friend Fred, Y/N replied that she was fed up with Fred and her constant requests to psychoanalyse her paintings. Y/N swore that if Fred asked again, she would kick him. Carol just laughed. But when Y/N asked about Rindy, things changed drastically.

Y/N knew that Carol loved to talk about Rindy, and to a certain extent, she could tell that the blonde loved to be asked about her little girl, but she also knew that talking about Rindy was complicated for Carol.

Carol wanted more time with Rindy.

Rindy wanted more time with Carol.

But Harge was selfish enough to hurt his daughter, and the woman he once swore to love.

Carol mentioned that Rindy had gone to the cinema with her father, and was now obsessed with the new Disney film.

Y/N knew that Carol had wanted to take Rindy to see that film. She had told Y/N while the latter was drawing the blonde's hands. Y/N only managed to momentarily take Carol's hand and give it a comforting squeeze.

Carol took her eyes off the road for just a few seconds to give her a smile and ask her to make herself comfortable. The surprise was still several kilometres down the road.

————————————————————————

Carol's hand had to move it a little in order to wake her up.

Y/N did not want to go to sleep but, the night before, she slept late in order to finish a homework.

They both got out of the car, and that's when Y/N realised where she was.

A meadow, in the middle of nowhere

"Where are we?"

"In a quiet place, where we can eat and paint".

Carol pulled out of the boot a small picnic basket and a canvas. Carol had bought some for Y/N that they kept in their flat.

"Do you know that my flat is near a desolate park, not to mention that your flat faces the non-tourist area of Central Park?"

"Yes, but I want to be completely alone with you."

Y/N helped Carol set up the blanket and the small easel that Y/N carried from her university.

"Are you going to steal from me?" asked Y/N jokingly.

"Even better"

Carelessly, Carol took Y/N's face in her hands and kissed her on the lips.

It was not the first time.

They had already kissed in the confines of Carol's flat, or on the floor of Y/N's room, but this was different.

To be kissed by Carol's lips and the rays of sunlight was something totally new and different for Y/N.

It was refreshing.

It was intoxicating.

It was… spring.

Both separated and enjoyed a few seconds of each other's closeness, each other's breath on their lips wet with the other's saliva, Carol's perfume.

"Could you paint for me?" Carol asked, just before leaving a small kiss on Y/N's nose.

"Of course"

Y/N took her materials and prepared them. As she did so, Carol took small pieces of strawberry from the basket.

"What do you want me to paint?"

"I want you to paint…" Carol moved to Y/N's side to kiss her lobe and give her a little nibble. "What beauty means to you."

And that afternoon, Y/N painted Carol again.

————————————————————————

Y/N's feet shifted nervously on the carpet.

She looked up to see her last painting perfectly framed on the wall.

Carol had said it was her best work.

The laughter startled her and forced her to stop her ramblings.

She pay full attention to Carol and Abby who come with trays full of liquor glasses and snacks so eccentric that Y/N had already forgotten the names.

"Isn't it beautiful?" asked Carol

"The painting?" asked Abby.

"Yes. Y/N made it.

"Who is he supposed to be?"

"Me, silly" Carol laughed as she smacked the brunette's arm.

"You don't look alike"

"It's an interpretation" interrupted Y/N. "I gave up trying to replicate the beauty of the world, so I decided to release my own interpretation."

"You've got a bit of a… sappy interpretation of Carol."

"Abigail!"

The conversation continued, Carol and Abby talking about work, but Y/N remained completely silent.

I knew that interpretations were subjective.

No one would ever see exactly what she saw.

But…

She had kissed Carol.

She had touched Carol

She was something of Carol's.

No one could know her better than she did.

Right?

Was this what Fred was talking about?

And/N did she put her own expectations before Carol's true self?

Was Y/N selfish?

Did she really know Carol?

Carol was about to offer a full glass of white wine, before Y/N abruptly stood up. She apologised quietly and went into the bathroom.

————————————————————————

One.

Y/N closed her eyes tightly.

Two.

she hug her knees tightly.

Three.

She threw herself to the ground.

Four.

She hid under the bed.

Five.

In the foetal position, I cover her ears.

Six.

She waited.

Seven.

She waited.

Eight.

She waited.

Nine.

She waited.

Ten…

She opened her eyes.

She couldn't see the shoes.

It had happened again.

The screaming had stopped.

The banging could not be heard.

Her father had beaten her mother unconscious.

As Margaret had instructed, after ten seconds, she locked herself in her room. Waiting for her older sister to arrive.

Fiona, her friend, told her that she once read in a magazine that when you feel a sense of panic run down your back, bury your fingernails in your palm.

Physical pain takes you away from emotional pain.

But when Y/N did, locked in the room. It had already lost its effect.

She could no longer get her head out of her chest pain.

Trying to calm herself, she began to walk in circles around the room, until her little toe stubbed her bed.

The intense pain and trying to keep quiet brought her out of her breathlessness.

She knew that physical pain drove away her emotions.

She learnt it at the age of seven.

————————————————————————

Y/N locked herself in the bathroom in Carol's room.

Near the hall.

And too quiet.

As best she could and trying to be as quiet as possible, Y/N began to slap her thighs.

With her fists and all the strength she could muster in her arms, she began to paint her white skin with purple spots.

Until a blow to her knee encapsulated her doubts about Carol, to concentrate on the throbbing pain in her leg.

Carefully, she sat down on the toilet seat as she felt her eyes begin to fill with tears from the pain.

"Honey, are you okay?"

Carol's voice pulled her away from her pain.

"Yes, I'll be right out"

Y/N massaged the area, flushed the toilet and turned on the tap, washing her hands and refreshing her face.

Carefully, she dried her face and her hands, wiping away the tears.

Carefully, she opened the door and as she was about to close it, her back collided with the blonde's chest.

"Hey, are you all right, darling?"

Carol's voice was soft, velvety, as was her hand caressing Y/N's cheek.

"Yes"

"Are you sure?, I know Abby can be a bit… infuriating, but she's a great friend."

"Don't worry"

With all her remaining strength Y/N gave her a smile.

Carol smiled back and gave her a small kiss on the forehead.

————————————————————————

At times, Y/N believed that her life was an illusion.

Illusions are representations caused by the imagination and/or by the deception of the senses.

Being there. Lying next to Carol seemed like a trick of her brain.

It didn't seem real.

It did not feel palpable.

I didn't feel I deserved it.

What did Carol see in her?

What made her special?

Y/N I hear Carol talking about other women.

Her first love. Her classmate from elementary school.

A girl he met in France.

Abby.

Therese.

What was so special about Y/N?

She was not pretty.

She was not intelligent.

She was not funny.

She was… Nothing.

"I like your drawings."

"What do you like to draw?

"I like to watch you draw..." 

"Could you draw something for me?" 

"Do you think I'm too pretty to be painted?" 

"Could you draw me?"

Was Carol the one who put her Y/N expectations before the real woman?

Note:

This came out a little darker than I originally imagined.

I hope you enjoy it

I appreciate the reblogs, the likes and the comments

taglist: @littlebitchsposts // @xxsekhmet

message me or send an ask to be added to my taglist!