#he couldn't see his friends in that danger

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

You Call It Madness But I Call It Love

Chapter 26: I Hate You, I Love You

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV, Soldier Boy POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy.  This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter twenty-six of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 8.3K

Warnings:  I'm gonna label this one 18+ because it's Soldier Boy. , Angst, Cursing, Sexual References, Family Problems- A LOT of family problems, Past Trauma, Death Mentioned, Self Deprecating Thoughts, Blood mentioned. Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, completely a little OOC. Soldier Boy is really all you need as a warning.

Note: This is told from the Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. Reader is described as "curvy" occasionally. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

A/n: I know that this isn't the final battle, but I wrote most of the battle and the chapter was so long (it was over 13K and I wasn't close to ready) that I needed to break it up. So now this is just a wonderful helping of angst in which the reader and Ben do the thing that they do best… fight with each other and then make up.

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READER POV

The silence that follows Homelander's disappearance with Lou and Rosemary's pursuit after him is deafening. It feels like hours have passed, but it's only been seconds. You feel cold and hot, nothing and everything. Fear, anger, anxiety, and terror all congeal into an ice cold ball in the pit of your stomach. Rubble is covering the thick shag carpet on the bedroom floor, the air filled with flecks of dust and drywall from Homelander's departure. You weren't thinking about how Legend would react though, couldn't think of anything else except the fearful look on Lou's face when Homelander grabbed her and refused to release her.

The thought that Lou was trapped with someone like him broke you. The fear that came with the thought was almost mind-numbing, because Homelander was dangerous and now that Ben and you had told him that you didn't want anything to do with him, there were no other bargaining chips. Homelander couldn't be placated because you had crushed the glimmer of hope in his eyes by telling him that he wasn't your son and that he was monster. You knew that Homelander was smart enough that he wouldn't believe you now if you promised him family, not when he had Lou and probably had Rosemary.

Rosemary had minimal training when it came to fighting, yes you'd made sure that she knew the basics of self-defense, but she'd never fought another supe before. She was never interested in that sort of thing. And it wasn't always about using your powers when it came to fighting another supe, it was about tactics and knowing the weaknesses of your opponent. In a fight with someone like Homelander, you couldn't just rely on your abilities, you had to understand what you were up against and see the little ticks that he tried to hide. You'd watched stronger supes fall because they relied too heavily on their abilities, and you worried that Rosemary would be the same way. That she would be filled with a blind rage because Homelander had Lou and that he would use her anger and frustration to his advantage.

Tears were streaming down your face and you were still struggling in Ben's grip, where his arms were wrapped around you, holding you back from chasing after them. And the longer he holds you, as more seconds tick by, everything else goes and you're left with something else.

To say that you were angry was an understatement, you were livid. You hated that Ben had done this to you again. That once again Ben was acting like you weren't a supe, like you weren't powerful, and like you needed to be locked away from the world in a glass cabinet. You were sick of it.

Because you understood that Ben loved you, that he wished to protect you and that he feared losing you, but you refused to allow him to walk on eggshells around you and put you in a glass bubble because of his insecurities.

Yes Ben had told you that he saw your strength in the past, that he saw how powerful you were, and only wished for you to need him, but you were done with this. He didn't have any right to do it. And yes, he was the man you loved, but he was not your master. Perhaps that's what made all this worse for you, that Ben said how much he loved you and that he saw your power, but every time things went South he did shit like this.

"Ben, let me go." You growl, turning your head to look over your shoulder.

"No. Not until you promise not to go after them." Ben's eyes are narrowed. He knew that if you promised him, you wouldn't do it, that you cared too much about what a promise represented to break one.

It was true, which was why you weren't going to promise him shit.

"I won't promise that."

"Then I guess I'm not letting you go." He says it casually, but the look in his eyes is meant to convey that he is just as upset with this turn of events as you are.

"Oh I think you fucking will." Your teeth clench together and as you say it, you turn your palms face down in front of you and break his hold. Having Homelander's strength made it easier to face Ben. In the past the two of you had sparred together in training. Back then you didn't think too much about it, but now you understood that he did it to make sure you knew how to protect yourself when he wasn't there, that he worried about you more than he wanted to say and that was the only way he could prepare you without telling you how much you meant to him.

Ben stumbles back a step, his eyes flashing with anger and you’re sure that he can see the same emotions written on your face.

“What the fuck is your problem?” You snarl at him.

“My problem?” Ben sputters.

“Yes!”

“What the fuck are you talking about? If anything it’s you that’s having a problem-“

“Oh I’m sorry Benjamin. Am I being difficult?" You press a hand to your chest feigning remorse. "Forgive me for having a fucking problem when our granddaughter has just been KIDNAPPED by a psychopath. And our daughter is going to face him alone!"

"She's not alone-"

"Wrong. She is alone, because you wouldn't let me help her."

"I told you that I didn't want you to fight him alone. I told you that we would do this together-"

"I wouldn't have been alone if you'd stop being so damn overprotective!" You snap, stomping over to the chest of drawers, searching through them angrily for something to wear. It was difficult not to rip the handle off the front in your anger. You were still wearing your sweatpants and an oversized paint splattered t-shirt, and the last thing you wanted was to face Homelander looking like that.

Why can't he just understand that I am powerful too? Why can’t he let me go for once? Why does he keep doing this?

You hated that he was acting like you couldn't handle yourself, especially after he had seen you destroy Legend's backyard single handedly the other day with your mind. You were so sick of being underestimated. First Vought, then Stan, and now Ben, and you didn't want to be seen that way anymore. You were powerful and damnit you weren't going to "sit" and "stay" because some man ordered you to.

"I am not being overprotective!" Ben's voice is a low growl. "The other day I told you that I didn't want you to do this by yourself, that I didn't want you to do any of this alone. That I'm here-"

"Well congratulations Ben! Our daughter is doing exactly that right now, facing fucking Homelander alone, because you couldn't just let me go." You grab the end of your shirt and take it off, shucking it to the floor before you begin to put on the tight long sleeved black t-shirt. "You always do this."

"Do what?"

"Underestimate me!" You take off the sweatpants and quickly step into the dark jeans. By now your eyes were flashing bright purple and you could feel the thrum of your abilities under your skin, begging to be released. The energy was growing with each passing second, the lights in the room flickered and you could feel an unnatural breeze rustling the curtains that were hanging from the windows, coming from you.

"I do not fucking underestimate you. I know how powerful you are-"

"Well you have a funny way of showing it." You spit turning around to face him again.

Ben is also getting dressed. His sweatpants have been replaced with the bottom portion of his supe suit, his knife, pistol, and top half of his suit is laying on the unmade bed. "We have already talked about why I have a problem with you doing shit like that alone." His words are almost a growl, but you can hear an emotion on the edge of them that isn't anger. It was worry.

You knew what he was referring to, when he told you that he hated watching you die because it made him feel like he'd failed to protect you, that every time you were hurt, Ben struggled with that.

You knew how he felt.

The other day at Herogasm when Homelander had him by the throat all you saw was red. You didn't want to witness Ben's last moments just as he had witnessed yours multiple times. But it didn’t mean that you held Ben back from doing what he needed to do. You saw his strength and supported him. All you wanted was for him to support you.

A part of you deep down registered that he acted like this to protect you, that he didn't want to lose you as much as you didn't want to lose him. And as happy as you were that Ben was finally getting comfortable showing and talking about his emotions in front of you, you still wished that he would let you be strong for yourself. You had to be strong without him for forty years, protecting Rosemary and Lou.

Does he really think that Stan and Countess are the only people who I've killed in the past forty years? That there haven't been other people and supes that figured it out? Did Homelander really think that Stormfront's death was a suicide? 

"You let me face the twins!" You shout.

"Those incestuous fucks couldn't handle you when they were full powered, let alone when they were dried out." Ben states pulling his shirt over his head.

"I don't understand why Homelander is any different." You cross the room to grab the long dark green leaver overcoat, the same one that Ben had scraped the blood and bits of flesh off when you returned to Legend's after you killed Stan. "You saw me handle him the other day-"

"Because he is different!" Ben practically stabs his knife down into it's holster on his belt.

"Oh really?" You tap your lip as if deep in thought. "Huh. Because I remember you calling him a pussy when you were thinking about killing him. When you told me that Butcher asked you to."

"He is." Ben's eyes are blazing now.

Your sarcasm always did that to him, and it did tend to rear it's ugly head in the most inopportune moments. In all the years you'd known him, Ben never really did like it when you got like that.

The room was quickly heating with the force of Ben’s anger, a slight glow radiating out from his chest, but Ben was keeping it under control. At least for now.

"Oh, so he is a pussy, but not when I have to fight him?"

"Yes." He seethes through clenched teeth.

"I hate to break this to you Benjamin, but of the two of us, I'm the one who has fought him and kicked his fucking ass." You spit back at him, sick of his attitude.

Ben crosses the room in two heavy strides so that he's standing over you, his hands on his hips. "The only reason why you fucking fought him, was because you felt the need to step in when I had him handled."

"Did you have him handled? Could have fooled me. When someone has you by the throat I find it hard to say that you have a handle on the situation!" You mirror his stance, refusing to back down.

"Don't fucking do that."

"Do what?"

"Be sarcastic! You know that I hate it."

"That's just too damn bad!" You snap. "I'm not your dog Benjamin  you cannot tell me what to do."

"I do not treat you like a damn dog. I will say that you're being bitchy." His teeth are grinding together, so hard that you can audibly hear it.

"Well excuse the fuck out of me! I think I'm allowed to be bitchy," You seethe the word. "Because you're acting like a sexist dick!"

"I am not-"

"Yes you are." You poke your finger into his chest. "And I don’t want you to come with me."

"Like fucking hell I'm going to sit here and wait around for you to come back."

"I don't want you to come with me because I don't want to spend the whole fucking time worried that you're going to get in my fucking way and prevent me from doing what I have to do."

"I do not get in your way." Ben roars.

"Yes you do." Your eyes narrow. "And I don't need some "big strong man" to do things for me!" You make air quotes around 'big strong man' to emphasize the point, but Ben was not getting it.

This was one of the worst fights you'd ever had with him, you knew that. The two of you had many over the years, Legend was not lying when he told Butcher that, but this one was quickly nearing the same magnitude as the fight the two of you had the night of the premiere. This was more than just the two of you going through the motions of being frustrated with one another and more than the two of you shouting over a little problem, this was about Ben's continuous need to hold you back and keep you out of harms way like you weren't a supe and perfectly capable of doing thing by yourself.

"All I do is try to protect you." His eyes are dark now, not a trace of green in them, looking more like darkened pits. When Ben was really angry you'd seen them go that dark before, only the night of the premiere had you seen them like that when he looked at you, all the other times you'd seen that look when he felt the need to put someone in their place, to beat them into submission.

"I don't need you to protect me!" It comes out in one breath, uttered in an exasperated tone, because again Ben just didn't understand.

Ben stops. "You don't need me?" The words aren't in the same harsh tone that he used before, it's softer, and the anger in his eyes shifts to something else for just a moment.

You could feel regret swirling in your chest, because you did need Ben. You needed him more than life itself, didn't want to spend a moment away from him. You hadn't meant to say it like that. And you know that it was something Ben struggled with, the idea that you didn't need him anymore or never did need him.

"No. Ben, I do fucking need you, but I don't need you to protect me all the time." You emphasize with a sigh. "I've changed. I'm not the same person I was in Philadelphia. I'm not the same little girl. I've been taking care of myself and Rosemary and Lou for years. I needed to change and so I did."

Ben still looks like he can't fully understand what you're trying to say.

"Ben do you really think that Stan is the only person that I've killed in the past forty years?"

Ben blinks surprised.

"There have been others. People who asked too many questions. Supes that just didn't believe the lie that Stan and I made up." You sigh. You weren't ashamed of that, weren't ashamed of the things you had to do to keep your daughter and your granddaughter safe. "You think that every death leaves a scar, but not always." You murmur remembering the fight with Stormfront, the one you never talked about. When she showed up on your doorstep and threatened you and Rosemary. And the others who threatened you, tried to blackmail you because they didn't fear you the way they should have. Stormfront had expected the same woman she knew from the past, but you weren't her anymore.

"What do you mean there have been others?" Ben's expression hardens, malice swimming in his eyes when he realizes that other people have hurt you.

Flashes of the past come creeping up, years you spent with Ben and the cold ones that you'd spent without him stumbling around like someone trying to find light when they were buried underground. And you did love him, but you hated that he did this, because every time he did it made you feel small, it made you feel again like he didn't see you or comprehend who you were.

"They don't matter now." You sigh. "But I am not something to be possessed. I am not someone who’s going to hang on your arm make you look good and laugh at all your jokes. I am not something to be controlled or shielded from the world. If I wanted to just be a trophy or a doll for someone to use any way they wished I would have stayed and married Howard. But I didn’t. I came with you, but I never imagined that you would treat me that way. I never imagined that you would treat me like he did.”

Ben looks stunned. He should. In all the years you’d known him you’d never compared him to Howard like that. It was a low blow and you knew it, but you were pissed. It hurt you to say the words, hurt you to open up that wound all over again, but it was the truth. You didn't lie to Ben and you weren't going to start now.

The words ring through the air between the two of you, the space between your bodies suddenly miles apart even though you were standing in the same room. It was the first time you'd ever felt that distance with him, not since the night he came to your apartment the night that he almost killed Noir and after the two of you talked you cried in the shower frustrated and angry with yourself because you couldn't tell him how you felt and upset that he didn't love you the way you loved him. And now you were just as frustrated and angry with him.

Ben opens his mouth to answer you, the look in his eyes heartbreaking.

"What the fuck happened in here?" Butcher shouts stumbling down the stairs and into the room. He looks disheveled, like he just rolled out of bed.

"Homelander." Your gaze leaves Ben. "He took Lou, Rosemary went after him."

"He took Lou?" Hughie sputters from behind Butcher, fear flitting through his eyes.

It was the same fear that had begun to trickle back in after the fight you just had, but the things that Ben and you had yelled at one another were still there, soaking through the air like a foul odor and seeping in to your heart. You weren't sure if it meant that you could come back from it or not.

"Yeah." Ben grunts.

"Then lets go get her." Butcher says. "Come on." He gestures with his hand and begins to trek up the stairs with Hughie in tow, leaving Ben and you in the bedroom alone once more.

But this time you can't say anything, can't bring yourself to apologize because you're still so damn mad, and so instead you follow after Butcher, without giving Ben a backwards glance.

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SOLDIER BOY POV

The car smoothly followed the long stretch of highway under Butcher’s hand, the trees along the road flashing by in a green blur, but it still didn’t seem like it was going fast enough.

It had taken Butcher and Hughie ten minutes to get ready after they stumbled downstairs to where Ben and you were and now the four of you were on the road and driving to New York. Hughie and Butcher were in the front seat while Ben and you sat in the back, but unlike the other day when you drove to Herogasm together, you were sitting on the other side of the car, arms crossed over your chest staring out the window, and not touching him at all.

Ben's jaw clenched when he remembered the day you drove together to Herogasm, when he held your hand and you leaned into his shoulder, reveling in the fact that you wanted him there with you.

And he wasn't sure that you still did. As much as he hated to admit it, that scared him. He didn't know where he should be if he wasn't with you. Everything else felt wrong. To be without you was like being without the sun, living in the deepest darkest cave and refusing to see the light.

That being said, Ben knew you were pissed, he was too.

Watching Homelander take Lou all but ripped him in half. He hated that the pussy had used a fucking child as a shield and hated that he had gotten away with it. Ben felt his body tense when he remembered the fear in Lou's eyes and a jolt of white hot rage burns through him at the thought that Homelander was hurting her.

Ben cared about Lou as much as he cared about you. She loved him and always made him feel welcome, and even though Rosemary never did, he was worried about her too. Maybe it was because he saw how much it hurt you for them to go, for Homelander to take Lou and for Rosemary to race after him. He knew that was your worst fear, but that didn't stop Ben from holding you back, for refusing to let you go alone to a place that Ben couldn't follow.

He'd never resented his abilities before, but he suddenly wished that he could fly. He would have soared after Homelander, after Rosemary, and after you if you had followed behind them.  That was why he had held you back though, because he couldn’t and he was scared.

The word felt like a curse to think, but it was true. Ben knew that it was fear coursing through his veins in those few moments when he realized that you were going to go after Homelander and he wouldn't be able to follow. He didn’t want you to face him alone, didn’t want to watch you die again.  After all these years, each time you died he feared that it would be the last, he feared that it would be the time it stuck and that he would be left all alone. He didn't want to live in a world without you, he'd done that for forty years and he was done with that.

Ben believed that it was his job to be there for you and after forty years of him being away, he wanted to be there to help you and take care of you. He was ready to make up for the lost time and he had told you how he felt the other day when you destroyed Legend's backyard, that he wanted the two of you to do this together.

That was before today.

Ben's hands are curled into fists on his lap as he forces himself to look out his own side of the car, refusing to look at you. If you could do the silent treatment he could too. Of all the fights the two of you had in the past, Ben knew this one was worse or at least it was as bad as when he fucked up, fucked Countess and then pushed you away when all he wanted was to bring you closer.

Honestly, you'd never compared him to Howard before. Ben could still remember the words you uttered to him the night of your birthday before you allowed him to take you to bed:

"Don't be jealous of Howard. He meant nothing to me. No one means as much to me as you do Ben."

Ben remembered the way you'd smiled up at him when you said it cheeks slightly flushed, lips red from when he kissed you.  He remembered the way he felt like he'd swallowed pure sunshine, because that was what you always did to him. You always made him feel like he was the only person in the world that was allowed to see the real you. He knew that you loved him, knew that he loved you more than life itself, but what you'd yelled him before Butcher came downstairs made him feel like taking a two by four to the chest. It hurt him.

He hated what you said to him, that you compared him to that asshole from back home. Ben wished for nothing more than to wipe the memories of that man from your mind. When you were younger sometimes Ben would see Howard and you sitting in the park or getting lunch. He remembered the way that you never seemed to smile as wide, how small you looked, how Howard liked you better in the gowns that your mother chose for you, how Howard liked you silent, and how Howard preferred your body covered in heavy coats even though it was the middle of summer.

That particular thing always pissed Ben off, because he knew how you struggled with that, struggled with the way you looked and Ben hated that someone else who stated they loved you made you feel small and ugly, when you were the most beautiful woman that Ben had ever seen in his life.

Ben hated Howard with a passion for that exact reason, because Howard did try to control you. He chose what you wore, complained about what you ate, discouraged your art, and did other unspeakable things that you had told Ben over the years. Things that made Ben want to go back to Philadelphia and end Howard’s bloodline.

But sometimes on the nights when Ben was away at boarding school and he couldn't sleep he would think of Howard and you. Ben would never admit this to anyone, but he would compare himself to Howard, try to find the little differences that Ben thought made you like Howard, the differences that Ben thought about doing himself to make you love him the way he loved you. It always made him feel like a fucking pussy though. His father probably would have beat him within an inch of his life if his father knew that Ben was comparing himself to another man. It was something that Ben's father ingrained in him, that Ben's was from a strong, proud, family that never did that. And that a real man knew that he was better than everyone else, and if anyone tried to challenge that then it was best settled in the ring.

Ben sighed. He was trying hard to weed out the toxic things his father told him. You helped immensely with that, by letting Ben know that he didn’t have to be strong all the time and didn’t need to keep everything inside, that he didn't have to hide what he was feeling from you.

He loved that about you, that he felt like he never had to hide who he really was, that you saw all the parts of him he locked away for so long from everyone else and didn't care. And in exchange he got to see all the wonderful things about you and he didn't want to trade that for the world.

Even though he was angry with everything the two of you shouted, he still loved you.

You were just so damn stubborn all the time and never wanted to see things the way I do and-

Ben gritted his teeth together as another wave of annoyance came over him. He really did hate how stubborn you were. Probably because you were just as stubborn as he was and that meant the two of you were often at a stalemate.

Ben glanced over to where you were looking out the window. You were frowning, arms crossed tightly over your chest, leaning back against the cloth seats.

The awkward silence in the car was palpable and Ben knew that Hughie and Butcher were also trying not to notice the tension in the backseat. There was a song playing on the radio that Ben didn't recognize, but Hughie kept bobbing his head along to the music while Butcher's hands tighten on the wheel.

Ben's eyes flick back to where you are staring out the window. He wanted desperately to know what you were thinking. Honestly he'd rather the two of you be yelling at one another than you give him the silent treatment. At least then he had some semblance of what was going on in your head. Ben knew you better than anyone, which meant that he was usually good at reading you, but not now.

Even Ben could admit to himself that you'd changed some, you were a little harder than you had been when he knew you, but it didn't make him love you any less. He had been shocked at your revelation that you'd killed other people. Ben was trying to ignore what you'd said about not all deaths leaving scars.

He'd been present for most of the ones that had happened in the past, but he wondered how many others there had been, and what other powers you had maybe acquired. That  was the thing about you, you weren't one to brag, never seemed to need to use as many powers to take someone down.

Your arms tighten around your body and Ben watches a single tear roll down your cheek.

Fuck. He thinks to himself. He really didn't want to be the reason why you're crying. He had been the main reason for so long and he hated that, he hated making you cry and hated when you cried in general. If you weren't so mad at him he would have unbuckled your seat belt and pulled you over onto his lap so he could hold you close and make you feel better, but he wasn't sure you wanted that, still wanted him.

The thought that you didn't made him feel like he was sinking into the sea, that the sun was slowly being sucked away while he's dragged under into the depths. Ben didn't know who he was without you, didn't know where he would go, and certainly didn't know what his purpose was if he wasn't in your life.

Before he can stop himself he reaches out to touch your arm, but you flinch away from him, still looking out the window and not turning to him.

Ben fights the urge to make you talk to him, and drops his hand back down to his thigh, curling it into a fist again. Ben felt something in his chest that was unfamiliar when you didn't let him touch you. He wasn't sure if it was fear or anger or frustration but it was there, simmering underneath the skin.

It reminded him too much of when he came back you didn't let him touch you, didn't want him anywhere near you. He didn't want to admit how much he relied on that, you touching him, not just sexually. The little touches you gave him on the back of his hand to comfort him when you knew he was anxious, or the brace of your hand against his shoulder or back when he was sitting down to reassure him that you were with him and that you weren't going anywhere or the moments you adjusted his collar when it was facing the wrong way, or smoothed a wrinkle at the front of his shirt or even just running your fingers through his hair the way you knew he liked, Ben lived for them, for all those little moments.

No one else had ever tried to touch him that way before, with comfort and love.

Even when you were children, the hugs you gave him when you saw him made everything else seem colorless in comparison. When he came back to you and you refused to let him touch you he was afraid you never would again and when you began to touch him again he felt like he’d ascended to another plane, but now your refusal for him to touch your elbow or even take your hand worried him.

He did not believe that he could survive without something as simple as that.

But all of that just solidified the one thing that Ben knew deep down, had known since the moment he realized how much you meant to him, that you were his one weakness, his fatal flaw, the one thing in his life that he couldn’t live without. He didn’t want to imagine that world existed because he couldn't survive without you.

That was why he didn't want you to fight Homelander alone. It wasn't because he didn't see how strong you were, it was that he was so afraid that he was going to lose you that he couldn't control himself.

He hated admitting that even to you, but now he knew he had to, because he knew his pride wasn't worth losing you.

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READER POV

After the most awkward car ride in history, you were ready to get out and kick some ass. Despite Butcher's accelerated driving it had taken five hours to get back to the city from Legend's due to traffic and the whole time you were especially aware of Ben's presence. His brooding was practically audible from the other side of the car where he sulked and refused to look at you. You figured that just as he did the silent treatment you could too, but it didn't make it any easier.

Frankly nothing made any of this easy.

You were frustrated by this turn of events, that Homelander had done the one thing that you feared more than anything else in the world, the one thing that you had tried to prevent from happening your entire life, but he had.

But as upset as you were and worried about Lou and Rosemary, you were upset with yourself over what you had said to Ben. You hadn't meant to mention Howard, it was a low blow and you knew how much he hated the time you spent with Howard. You knew that Ben struggled with the thought that you possibly loved Howard more than you loved him and the  possibility that you regretted spending your life with Ben rather than him. And you knew that it hurt him as much as the moments you watched him with other women over the years.

You didn't want Howard, never wanted Howard, never felt anything for him, and for Ben you felt everything. Sometimes you were afraid to show Ben just how much you felt for him, feared that it would make him push you away when he realized just how much you needed him. In the forty years you spent away from him you tried to convince yourself that you didn't, but having him back was like everything coming back in color from black and white. But at the same time you were still a little angry, angry with him for holding you back when you knew you could have taken Homelander down yourself.

Because in your heart you knew that was what Howard did to you. Not that he held you back from fighting a psychopathic supe, but that Howard never saw you more as a possession, a jewel in a crown adorned on his lofty head, nothing more than something to parade around Philadelphia. That's why it was so different for you when you were with Ben, because Ben saw you, he never covered you up with heavy cloaks, he never discouraged your love of art, he never bored you or made you feel like your opinion wasn't important. Ben made you feel alive, and Howard? Howard made you feel like the empty husk of what you used to be.

You press your lips together in a tight line as Butcher pulls up the seat so you can get out of the backseat and set foot on solid ground. Hughie had been left behind at a gas station, and yes you hated that Butcher had done that, but at the same time you were relieved. You didn't want him to get hurt. You still believed that Hughie was different than you, not that he was innocent, but he wasn't jaded or hardened the way you had to be to survive.

Your gaze lifts to look up at the towering skyscraper that rises from the earth like a proud oak tree on a hill. Vought tower looks the same way it always has, bold and haughty like the men who founded the company all those years ago. The setting sun glints off the glass windows like the last glimmer of summer, something to be grasped before the cold of winter comes to take it all away.

You'd stood here looking up at the building before, watched the lights turn off and on, watched the people go in and out of the building, and had crossed the threshold a handful of times. The final time was to deliver last rights to your good friend Liberty.

She, like a few others, hadn't believed your story and had shown up to speak with you. But unlike the others, her methods of finding out if you were still you was to try to kill you. She had succeeded and then left stating that she would "be back to catch up." When you'd gone to Vought to find her, you hadn't been expecting her to look the way she did, half burned and laying in a hospital bed. You didn't know why she looked that way. It had been odd to stand there over her, odd to remember the person she used to be, proud and powerful and then look at the broken body that laid there. Her death had been a necessary evil, the only time you ever stepped foot in Vought Tower in the last forty years, but if it was to protect your family it was worth it to you.

Your frown grows the longer you stand there underneath the ominous glow that emanates from inside, anxiety prickling along your skin like the spines of a cactus. You couldn't remember the last time you felt this way, just that you didn't want to feel this way ever again. The building was a symbol of everything you hated, and you vowed deep down to destroy Vought and send it to hell where it belonged and make those who were responsible for Vought's success pay.

You think about the other day in Legend's backyard, when Ben pulled you back from the darkened pit and back into the light, when Ben told you that he didn't want you to do it alone, that he wanted to be there for you, and when he promised you again that he wasn't leaving and that he wanted you to give him all your burdens.

Yes he wants to be there for me, I get it, I GET IT. You sigh in frustration. I understand that he loves me and that he wants to protect me, but I wish he would just-

"Y/n?" Ben says from behind you. His voice is quiet, reserved, but you know that he's probably just as upset as you are.

You turn and glance up at him. Ben hadn't tried to touch you since you shifted away from him in the car. It hurt you to do that to him, to pull away from his touch when all you wanted was for him to comfort you. The night he came back to you, you hadn't lied when you said that he might have been the one who hurt you, but he was the only person you wanted to comfort you. That was the hard thing about loving him and him being your best friend. It was difficult to draw the line in the sand, to separate the two.

The feeling was normal. It was the same one you had when he broke your heart. You had hated him then too, but he was still the only person you had and the longer you stayed in bed running over the years you spent with him, the more you wished that he was with you. The only person that you wanted to comfort you and care for you even after everything that he had done and yelled at you at the premiere, was Ben.

Sometimes it scared you how much you relied on his touch, how much you needed just a comforting hand on your arm, or for him to tuck your hair behind your ear or for him to kiss you or for him to hold you while you slept. You didn't realize how much you needed it, how much you craved it until he came back and you allowed him to touch you again.

In the car you had been trying not to cry, but everything was building, your frustration with Ben over the conversation the two of you had, fear over what would happen to Lou and Rosemary, and red hot anger directed at Homelander. A single tear had slipped and when Ben had tried to comfort you, you pulled away from him.

Fuck.

You hadn't wanted to. You'd wanted to curl up against him and let him make you feel better, but you were still angry with him for holding you back.

The words you yelled at him momentarily ring in your ears. It wasn't just that you compared him to Howard, it was you told him you didn't need him to protect you. But you knew Ben better than anyone and you knew that he was probably circling the drain and thinking that you basically told him that you "didn't need him" when you did.

"Yeah?" You clear your throat. It was difficult to look at him, not when you were so close to just breaking down and telling him that you were sorry. You knew that you needed to be focused on what was about to happen, but you couldn't, not when things were like this between the two of you. You hated fighting with him.

Ben's gaze drifts to where Butcher is staring expectantly at you.

"Give us a minute." Ben says to him.

"Why?"

"Just give us a fucking minute." Ben snaps, obviously annoyed, but you knew that he was probably upset about the fight the two of you had and he was projecting that anger onto Butcher.

"Fine. I’ll clear the lobby. Don’t take too long." Butcher frowns, but turns and stalks up the front steps of the building.

You turn back to look at him, unable to stop the sarcastic comment from building. Because yes, you wanted to forgive him, but at the same time you were still frustrated with him. "What? Are you gonna lock me in the car? Or are you going to tell me again how you don’t want me to fight him?"

"No." Ben growls.

"Then why-"

"Because I don’t want it to be like this." Anger lurks on the edge of his words, but at the same time you can hear something else in his voice, something that sounds a little broken. And it makes your heart clench in you chest.

"You don’t want what to be like this?" You ask confused.

"I don’t want us to go in there angry at each other." He continues.

"Why not?"

"Because I-" Ben stops, his jaw tightening for a moment, before he sighs. "I hate it when you’re mad at me. When you don't let me-" He swallows and you watch his eyes drop to your hand for a moment and you understand what he's saying.

That he hates it when you don't let him touch you. You hated it too.

"You think I like being mad at you?" You whisper, fingers itching to touch his cheek, to push back the dark hair that has fallen forward into his eyes.

"No." He breathes.

You stand there for a moment, letting the silence fill the space between you. The sounds of the city rising around you, the sound of traffic, vendors downtown, and the smell of the pretzel stand around the corner are everywhere. There aren't as many people on the streets now, but you know that it's only a matter of time before someone recognizes Ben in his uniform.

You sigh as you look up at him. Despite the uniform there's a vulnerability in his eyes that you can't shake and you understand how much it must have hurt him too.

“I don’t like it when you’re mad at me either.” You reply.

"I don’t like being mad at you." Ben exhales heavily. "And I don't want it to be like this before we go in. If something happens I-" He stops talking. "I don't want our last conversation to be like that."

"What do you mean you don't want our last conversation to be like that?" This time you can't help, but take his hand and Ben physically relaxes as you do, squeezing your hand back just as tightly.

"If this doesn't work out, if-" His jaw locks and he drops his eyes from yours. "I can't lose you."

"Ben." You whisper and this time you can't help but hug him, pull him close to comfort him. Your arms go up around the back of his neck, burying your face into the hollow of his throat. "You're not going to lose me. Everything is going to be fine." Ben's body immediately curves around you, arms holding you against him so tight it's almost painful, like he thinks you'll never allow him to do this ever again.

"I'm not strong enough for that y/n-" He whispers it so low that you're not sure he meant for you to hear it. "I can't-"

"Shh." You breathe, moving your hands into his hair, smoothing down the unruly strands at the back of his head. "I promise you're not going to lose me." You pull back to look him in the eye. "But I want you to treat me like an equal, like you see my power-“

“I do.”

“No you don’t, because if you did you wouldn’t hold me back all the time.”

“I’m trying not to, but-“ Ben sighs leaning forward into you. “You said it’s your job to take care of me, well it’s my job to protect you.” His expression hardens. “And I failed before.”

“What happened to me was not your fault.”

“I should have been there. I shouldn't have left you for a second-"

“Just like I should have been there in Nicaragua." You whisper back, with a sorrowful sigh. "Just like I should have asked more questions, should have made sure that you were really gone. Then you wouldn’t have had to be in that lab, you wouldn't have been alone-"

“That’s not your fault.” Ben's forehead is against yours now. "Please don't feel bad about that."

“It doesn’t matter if it was my fault or not. I should have been there for you. I will forever feel guilty that I didn’t come for you sooner and that you had to endure that for forty years.” You drop your eyes to his chest.

“Then I’ll forever feel guilty for the way I treated you.” Ben replies.

"I don't want you to." Your gaze rises to his once more, locking with his deep green eyes.

It was true. You could still remember what he said to you, remember what he did, but he was here now and he was doing everything right to make you forget. He was being so different and working so hard to make up for the past that you didn't feel the prick of pain with the memories that you used to.

"And I don't want you to feel guilty about what happened to me." Ben murmurs, raising his hand to cup your cheek. "Those years don't matter to me. The only thing that matters to me is being here with you. And I don't want to miss another second because I did something stupid again."

"And I don't want you to feel guilty about what you did to me anymore. Because you're making me forget, you're doing everything you can to be different, and you're making me fall in love with you all over again." You whisper, leaning in to his hand where his thumb traces gently over your cheekbone. "And I don't care what the past held as long as I have a future with you, as long as you're here with me I don't care about anything else."

Ben smiles when he kisses you, the shape of his lips imprinting against yours, and making you lose yourself in loving him the same way that you had all those years ago. "I love you sweetheart."

"I love you too." You smile just as wide, fingers tangling in his dark hair. "And I'm sorry. I shouldn't have compared you to Howard. You're not like him Ben. You are my everything and Howard was nothing."

He nods. "I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to hold you back I just wanted to make sure you were safe."

"I know. I want to keep you safe too." You nudge your nose against his, breathing in the same air for a few moments.

He is still smiling softly. "Why are we like this?"

"Like what?"

"We always find something to fight about and I-"

“I kinda like it.”  You shrug.

“What?”

“Not that I like that you’re mad at me or being mad at you, I just think that we like to keep it interesting." You snort. "I think that if we didn't have a healthy amount of fighting we would just be so boring and-"

Ben kisses you again to shut you up, but it doesn't work.

"Plus, I like to think that the make-up is worth it after." You whisper against his lips with a smirk.

You watch Ben's eyes darken, with your comment. "Well, sweetheart, I'd say that we've got about forty years to make-up for." His hand on your waist tightens, moving his lips to your ear. "And I look forward to every single second." Ben's voice is rough and he bites your earlobe, sending a shiver down your spine that for a moment clears your worry about Homelander.

"I love you." You smile, kissing him like it's the last thing you'll ever do, like it's the greatest good you'll ever amount to.

"I love you too." Ben replies kissing you like it's the last time he'll be able to and trying not to think that it could be.

********************************************

A/N: A lot of delicious angst before the final fight! I have written most of the fight already, but I am hoping to finish out the next chapter by the end of the week... if the writer's block isn't blocking. 😂😭 I hope y'all liked this one. I see only maybe 2 chapters left officially in the series, but we will see how everything wraps up.

As always thank you so much for reading! I am so happy that so many people love this fic as much as I do. Let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist! :)

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[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

Apples & Blood

note: Surprise fic! Happy spooky season, I have returned from the grave. Dedicating this fic to @sihtricsafin 🖤🔪

warnings: 18+!! Minors DNI. fluff/smut/light angst. Mention of blood, death, murder, alcohol and knife play. It's a slasher fic, okay?

pairing: Ghostface!Sihtric x fem!reader

summary: A Halloween party showed you that Sihtric would kill for you, literally.

word count: 4.6k

Masterlist

Reblogs & comments are immensely appreciated.

You had known your friends and their friends for years, and you would never deny that you always had a thing for Sihtric. Sihtric was an indirect friend as he was friends with Uhtred, your best friend Gisela's boyfriend. You knew Sihtric was single but you had just never found the courage to really try your chances with him on the occasions you got to see him, mainly because of the mixed signals he always gave you. You usually met Sihtric during parties throughout the year and the occasional festival. He was always flirty and quite handsy with you, but apparently never interested enough to take you home or ask you out on a date. You had kissed him a few times, but you figured he was always too drunk to remember those moments you considered sacred, so all you could do was admire him while you occasionally stalked his social media, just to see his pretty face.

When Gisela invited you to go apple picking with a couple of others, Sihtric included, you didn't even have to think twice to say yes, because that meant you would finally meet your crush in a completely sober state. And naturally your friends were aware that you were hopelessly in love with him, so they made sure to pair you with Sihtric before you all disappeared between the apple trees, to fill your baskets for the Halloween party that Gisela and Uhtred were throwing later that night.

'It's good to see you again, beautiful,' Sihtric smiled as he went in for a hug upon meeting you, 'how long has it been? At least half a year?'

'Something like that,' you blushed as if you didn't know it had been exactly 22 weeks, 'the last time was at Osferth's birthday party,' you reminded him.

'That was a good night,' Finan grinned and nudged Osferth, who smiled shyly.

'Osferth's party, right,' Sihtric nodded, 'I can't remember much of that to be honest.'

'What a surprise,' Gisela mumbled as she shoved an empty basket in his hands.

Gisela knew Sihtric had kissed you that night, but he clearly couldn't remember it while she knew you remembered it all too well. Gisela had been the one to console you when you were in tears the next day, because you didn't understand what the problem was between you and him; always making out and yet never taking it any further, it was killing you.

You gave Gisela a pained smile, acknowledging her bitterness towards Sihtric which you more or less shared with her. Because as much as you liked him, it did sting that he always made it seem that he felt something for you, but then acted as if nothing had occurred when he met you again.

However, you were not going to let that ruin your day. You were more than happy to be in Sihtric's presence, but you were also nervous and you could barely hide it. Sihtric looked so handsome with his short dark hair and his all black clothing, it was hard not to stare at him with flushed cheeks as you made your way through the apple orchard, looking for that perfect tree to pick from. 

Sihtric always had something of a mysterious vibe around him, and his high dose of charm made it easy to be liked and admired by many. You knew he could be clumsy too, you had seen him trip over his own feet and spill his drink at festivals and parties plenty of times, but that never took away any of the pleasant danger you felt around him though. There was something about him that was thrilling and exciting, something dark perhaps, but you weren't one to shy away from that.

'How many apples do we need to pick?' Sihtric suddenly questioned as you both strolled past the trees.

'Enough,' you shrugged, 'Gisela wanted to bake a few apple pies for the party tonight. Oh, and I believe she also needs apples for the apple bobbing.'

Sihtric hummed at your response and reached for his ankle, pulling out a knife from under his jeans which he always wore strapped to his ankle underneath his clothes, and he began to slice some apples off a tree while you held the basket for him.

'I guess if we all have a full basket of apples it should be more than enough.'

Sihtric laughed, 'Oh, I wouldn't count on Uhtred and Gisela having a full basket.'

'What do you mean? Why wouldn't they?'

'Because,' Sihtric chuckled and leaned with his shoulder against the tree while he used his knife to peel an apple, 'they're most likely fucking in the grass somewhere by now,' he said and took a bite of the fruit.

'You're probably right,' you laughed, 'and you know what, good for them.'

'Good for them,' Sihtric agreed with a smile as he looked at you in silence for a moment. 'You know,' he said and smacked his lips, 'I do remember Osferth's party. Well, not all of it, but I remember we kissed,' he said nonchalantly and ate another slice of apple, 'actually, I remember all the times we kissed.'

'What?' you said as your cheeks reddened and you dropped the basket, 'I… I always thought you… you were drunk-'

'Tipsy, sure,' Sihtric said and offered you a slice of apple, which you politely declined, 'but I was not drunk whenever we kissed. Look,' he sighed and stepped closer, 'I like you and I know you like me. And I could tell by Gisela's sneer earlier that everyone knows we like each other.'

'No,' you scoffed lightly, 'everyone knows I like you, but no one knows you like me. Hell, I didn't even know you liked me, you asshole!' you smiled and punched his chest.

'Yeah, love you too,' Sihtric replied with a grin and took your hand, 'but now you know. So, will you be my date to the party tonight then?'

'I don't know,' you hesitated, 'will you pretend tonight that we never had this conversation?'

'I promise I won't,' he said and pulled you closer to wrap his arms around you, 'I didn't want to make things awkward if maybe we didn't work out. And I guess I was also just afraid to hurt you, that's why I never acted further on my feelings. And then there's Aethelred who is always interrupting at parties.'

'Aethelred is a sick fuck who just won't leave me alone,' you sighed.

'He stalks you?'

'Not exactly, he just always tries to flirt but he gives me the creeps. But this is not about him, why do you think you would hurt me?'

'There's a lot you don't know about me, darling,' Sihtric whispered as you placed your hands on his chest, 'and the last thing I want is to scare you off.'

'I'm not scared easily,' you scowled.

'Oh yeah?' Sihtric smiled and bit down on his lip, 'then tell me, pretty, what's your favourite scary movie?'

'Okay, Mister Ghostface,' you laughed, 'sorry to disappoint you, but Scream is not my favourite scary movie. In fact, Scream isn't scary at all. My favourite horror is Hereditary.'

'Heredi-,' Sihtric paused, sighed and then looked at you disapprovingly, 'oh sweetheart, you got a lot to learn about scary movies.'

'What?! It's a classic too! It makes you think, it's greatly done.'

'It's greatly boring,' Sihtric snorted, 'but fine, I won't tell you it was an awful movie. However,' he murmured and leaned in closer until your noses almost touched, 'how about you come over to my place sometime, and then I'll show you some good scary movies?'

'I'll think about it,' you teased, 'but it'll entirely depend on how you will behave tonight. Because if you pretend we never had this conversation you can forget about your stupid scary movies too.'

'Ouch,' Sihtric pouted and grabbed his chest, 'I promise I won't do that shit again. I already told you I liked you, there's no coming back from that, is there?'

'Yeah, well, we'll see.'

'You'll see,' Sihtric smiled and took your chin, 'you'll see I'm serious about you, darling,' he whispered and then kissed your lips.

You leaned into him and moved your hands up into his hair, gently pulling his short locks while he kissed you deeply and let his hands roam freely over your body. Your heart was beating out of your chest and you both ran out of breath quicker than either of you liked, and therefore Sihtric was the one who broke the kiss before all self control would be lost.

'Listen, sweetheart,' he murmured against your lips, 'there's nothing I'd rather do than kiss you for hours here, but if we continue this I'm pretty sure we'll end up in the grass too.'

'Is there a problem with that?' you smirked.

'I never said that,' Sihtric chuckled, 'but I'd rather have you somewhere a little more private,' he winked and pecked your lips again, 'now, let's go pick some apples so we can get out of here.'

Sadly enough you and Sihtric didn't see each other anymore after picking apples together. He was tasked to decorate the house with Uhtred while you and Gisela made apple pies, and Osferth and Finan were prepping the booze and making sure there would be music at the party. You were all too busy to take a break, and before you knew it you had to go home to change into your party outfit. You kept it simple and dressed as a vampire, wearing a sexy black dress while fake blood dripped down your chin. You wore black make-up around your eyes and your lips were an alluring dark red colour, and you hoped Sihtric would think you'd look to die for.

You were happy to see that the party was a success and everyone enjoyed the apple pies you helped bake, and there was also a line to bob some apples from a large bowl. You enjoyed a drink and the music while you waited for Sihtric to show up, but when you still hadn't seen him after about an hour you began to feel a little hopeless. And to make that feeling worse, Aethelred suddenly came up to you, dressed like a medieval king with a gaping wound on the back of his head. You rolled your eyes and sighed numerous times while being stuck listening to him talk like he owned the world, and you had to slap his hands off you several times before he offered to get you a drink from the shed, which was located in the far back of Gisela and Uhtred's backyard.

You were glad to be rid of that poor excuse of a man for a few minutes, but when he still hadn't returned with a drink after fifteen minutes you decided to go and get a drink yourself.

'Typical,' you muttered as you made your way through the dark backyard, 'I have to hear him yap for an hour and then he doesn't even bring me the drink he promised.'

The music sounded muffled as you tried your best to follow the path. The backyard was dark and big, the long pathway to the shed was barely visible and there was no one else around. Despite all the cold drinks being in the shed, most people stocked up on their booze in one go so they didn't have to keep walking back and forth, and you wished you had been that smart too as you began to feel cold the further you walked. When you finally reached the shed you searched for the lightswitch, your hands going through multiple cobwebs before you found the switch, which made you shiver, and when you eventually flipped the switch you found out that the light was broken.

'Of course,' you groaned.

You grabbed your phone out of your small shoulder bag, using its flashlight to find the refrigerator so you could grab yourself a drink and get back as fast as possible, because that shed always freaked you out. It was so dark and deserted, you always thought it was a perfect place to murder someone for some reason. And beside that, you also knew the shed was a breeding place for spiders, so you refused to shine your light any further than you had to, not wanting to know what kind of demonic eight legged creatures were living in the far back of that damned shed. A sigh of relief left you when you finally grabbed yourself a cold bottle of booze, but then just as you slammed the door shut a voice behind you sounded and startled you.

'Surprise, darling.'

'What the fuck!' you shouted and dropped the bottle on the floor as you turned to point your flashlight towards someone dressed as the Ghostface killer from the Scream movies.

'What's the matter, baby?' Sihtric chuckled and took off his blood splattered mask, 'you look like you've seen a ghost.'

'Oh my god, you asshole!' you shouted and punched his chest with shaking hands.

'Did I scare you?' he smiled.

'I hate you!' you said with a trembling voice and a nervous chuckle.

Sihtric's smile disappeared when he realised he had truly scared you, and he immediately pulled you in his arms.

'Hey, come here,' he said softly, 'I'm sorry, doll, it was just a joke. I didn't think you'd actually get scared.'

'I know,' you said as you calmed down, 'I'm sorry too. I just… the light doesn't work and this shed freaks me out in general.'

'Yeah I'm not sure what's up with the light either,' Sihtric said, his face half lit as you pointed the flash on your phone downwards to not blind either of you, 'I just arrived and went to get a drink myself when I had the same problem. I then went back to the house to find Uhtred, but before I could reach the backdoor I saw you come out. You didn't see me at all because it's so dark there, so I decided to joke around.'

'Very funny,' you said and rolled your eyes, 'looks like all men are being funny today.'

'What do you mean?'

'Aethelred was bothering me again and after a while said he was going to grab me a drink, but he never returned. That's why I had to go here myself. Have you seen him?'

'Aethelred?' Sihtric asked, 'hm, no, I don't think I've seen him. I really only just arrived a few minutes ago.'

'He probably went to touch up some other girl then,' you said and shook your head, 'what an idiot.'

'Well, wherever he is,' Sihtric said and cupped your cheeks, 'I could care less, because at least I got you all to myself now,' he smiled and kissed your lips, 'I'll grab you a new drink, darling, then we can head back to the house.'

Back at the party you enjoyed your drink as you danced with Sihtric, who looked ever hotter than usual whenever he took off his mask to kiss you.

'Isn't the character you are dressed up as supposed to wear… Well, not cargo pants with a tight fitting shirt?' you laughed while he pecked your lips multiple times.

'Yeah,' Sihtric confessed, 'I was wearing the whole outfit over my clothes, but I tripped and fell earlier in the shed because it was so dark, and I fell into some kind of liquid so I threw the whole thing out right away. Besides,' he shrugged, 'it's all about the mask anyway.'

'You are so clumsy,' you laughed and wrapped your arms around his neck, 'it makes you even more attractive.'

'Glad you think so,' Sihtric smiled and leaned in to kiss you again.

He was relieved you fell for his lie. Because the truth was that he had seen Aethelred heading into the backyard after he had tried to touch you up, and he had followed him and killed him in the shed. And Sihtric was the one who had broken the light on accident during his wild stabbing, by getting his knife caught on the exposed electricity cable mid-murder and causing a power outage. And after that he slipped and fell in Aethelred's blood as he couldn't see a thing in the pitch black shed anymore after his murder, and it was then that he took off the outfit that belonged with the mask, leaving him in just his regular black outfit. And when he was on his way back to the house, he saw you and decided to follow you, making sure you wouldn't find the body of the guy who kept touching you up without your permission, something Sihtric thought he deserved to die for.

'You know,' you said, after Sihtric had found an empty seat and pulled you in his lap, 'for a moment I thought you weren't going to show up tonight.'

'Why did you think that?' he spoke in your ear while mindlessly caressing your bare legs with his tattooed fingers.

'Because I was here for a while already and I didn't see you anywhere,' you spoke against his lips.

You raked your fingers through his hair as he rested his head back on the couch, and you looked down into his love-filled mismatched eyes.

'I've let you slip out of my hands for too long already,' Sihtric said and moved his hand up your thigh, 'I was a fucking idiot for not chasing after you all this time while I should have.'

'Would you chase after me now?' you asked with a smirk and held up his mask.

'Like right now?' Sihtric frowned, then laughed, 'sure, if you want me to chase you.'

'Well,' you said and got up, then leaned in to kiss his cheek and whispered in his ear, 'then catch me if you can.'

You threw the Ghostface mask in his lap and quickly disappeared in the crowded living room, but Sihtric saw you running up the stairs as he got up and put on his mask. He then calmly pushed through the dancing people while pulling his knife from his ankle strap, and he sprinted up the stairs to follow you. You ran into one of the empty bedrooms and closed the door, hiding just next to it so Sihtric wouldn't see you upon opening the door. You held your breath while a feeling of arousal took over when you saw a shadow slowly walking past the door as the music was blasting downstairs, and a soft giggle escaped you when you noticed the shadow walked past the room you were in. It was a small and cosy room, with only a white vanity and a single person bed across from it. You shook your head as you noticed how the mirror was directly in front of the bed, because you knew mirrors are said to drain a person's energy when asleep, and therefore you should never point a mirror directly at your bed. 

And you let your mind wander for a second while Sihtric crept past the closed doors on the second floor, not entirely sure which one to open first. But he stopped when he heard a faint giggle after he had just passed the second door. He took a step back, his face hidden behind his mask while he had his previously cleaned knife in hand, and he gently placed his ear on the door to try and listen for any more sounds.

You were pulled from your thoughts when you saw the shadow step back in front of your door, seemingly standing still and doing nothing, to which you gasped softly and accidentally let your shoulder bag slip down your arm, its chain making a rattling noise and betraying your presence. You kept quiet while the shadow at the door also kept quiet, until you suddenly heard three taps on the door when Sihtric used his knife to knock threateningly. 

'W-who's there?' you asked, knowing it had to be Sihtric, but a rush of nerves and excitement made you unable to think for a second.

Sihtric sighed and opened the door, which made you jump and expose yourself. You stared at his masked face as you backed yourself against the bed, trapping yourself by accident while Sihtric closed the door and slowly stepped closer. His bare muscular arms flexed lightly while he closed in on you as he fidgeted with the knife he held.

'You should never say 'who's there?'. Don't you watch scary movies? It's a death wish,' he chuckled.

'Oh, please,' you laughed, 'as if you're going to kill me.'

'You're right,' Sihtric said and took off his mask, throwing it on the bed before he circled one arm around you to pull you close, 'I'm not going to kill you. Instead', he whispered, slowly tracing your lips with his thumb, 'I'm finally going to fuck you.'

'About time,' you smiled and crawled on the bed.

You seductively pulled up your skirt to expose your panties as you laid back, taunting Sihtric while he threw the knife on the bed as he joined you on top of the sheets. The dark room was lit up just enough by the full Moon outside, casting silver rays across your faces and bodies, highlighting your figures in the most perfect way. You slowly ran your hand up Sihtric's muscular clothed torso, and you then pulled him in by his neck to kiss him deeply and passionately. You both breathed heavily into each other's mouth while you began to undress one another. You made out with such a hunger and deep desire until you were both naked on the bed, touching and teasing each other while moaning against each other's lips until you both couldn't resist the temptation anymore.

'Fuck me,' you half begged.

Sihtric hummed and chuckled at your eagerness, a feeling he shared and was tired of fighting too, so he picked you up with ease and positioned you on your hands and knees with your back turned to him. He then took his knife and leaned in over you, gently pressing the cool blade against your throat without piercing your skin.

'Say that again,' he whispered, his lips touching your ear while he looked at you in the mirror in front of the bed.

'Fuck me,' you smiled with dazed eyes as you looked back at him in the reflecting surface, 'you crazy son of a bitch.'

'I'll fuck you,' Sihtric smiled darkly as he teased you with the tip of his hard, leaking cock, 'who's your daddy?'

'You're my daddy,' you giggled and gasped as he then pushed his length inside you smoothly, yet still stretching you, 'fuck,' you breathed as you grabbed onto the sheets while you adjusted to him, the blade still pressed against your throat.

'Fuck indeed,' Sihtric groaned behind you, then lowered the knife and threw it on the floor, 'fuck, you feel so tight,' he said with a moan, 'I really was fucking stupid for not chasing you sooner,' he laughed while he placed his hands on your hips.

'Wait,' you said before he could thrust into you, 'mask,' you said almost shyly, 'I want you to wear the mask if you're taking me like this, so I can see it in the mirror.'

Sihtric gladly listened to your wish and covered his pretty face with the blooded mask, he then grabbed your hips again and began to fuck you, slowly at first but harder as soon as you had welcomed his entire length and were able to take it. He gave you a firm slap across your ass several times, causing you to moan louder each time while he ravaged you. He had his fingers tangled in your hair, keeping your head up so you could see his muscular body behind you as he fucked you in front of the mirror until all you could do was murmur incoherently while your eyes were heavy and your mind completely fucked empty. Your moans and ragged breaths were in sync with the ridiculously loud creaking of the bed, and it all came to a halt when you both came with near screams of pleasure before you both collapsed on the bed.

And Sihtric's gentle side took you by surprise afterwards, when he took off his mask and laid back, holding you in his arms while murmuring praises and sweet nothings in your ear as you both recovered before you got dressed again. But before you could leave the room, Sihtric finally asked you to be his girlfriend, a question you couldn't possibly say no to. And so you held hands as you made your way down the stairs again, joining the party where seemingly no one had missed the two of you for about an hour. 

Nor had anyone ever noticed Aethelred's disappearance either…

While Sihtric had to go use the bathroom you decided to grab a drink for the both of you, and so you made your way through the dark backyard again and into the shed. You once again used your phone's flashlight to see where you were going inside the shed, and it was then that you gasped at the discovery of Aethelred's dead body in the far corner, after accidentally shining your light that way. You stared at the body that was shoved in the corner, gutted like a fish, and as much as you wanted to scream at the sight of it, you felt a strange calmness taking over. You weren't mortified, as one should be, you were at ease and almost in awe. You then noticed the dark cloth at his feet and reached for it without thinking, discovering that it was exactly the dark attire the killer in those Scream movies wears, and you suddenly connected it to your new boyfriend.

'Oh my god,' you said as you saw the blood dripping off the dark clothing you held in your hands, and you then laughed, 'oh my god, what an idiot.'

You returned to the party without any drinks, but instead held the folded outfit that Sihtric had worn during the murder of Aethelred, and you found your boyfriend just outside the backdoor as he smoked a cigarette.

'Hey, darling,' he smiled as he saw you, 'where'd you go?'

You closed the distance and took his hand, pulling him with you inside the house and to the front door. You both left the party without a word to anyone else and got into Sihtric's car, where you finally showed him your find.

'If you're going to kill someone for me, babe,' you chuckled, 'you should get rid of the evidence too.'

Sihtric stared at the blood stained fabric and was at a loss for words. Not just because you had discovered he had killed someone, but because you had figured out he had killed someone for you and it didn't even scare you.

'Did you learn nothing from those scary movies you watch?' you asked with a grin.

'I guess I didn't,' Sihtric chuckled and then looked at you, 'you're not… afraid?'

'Not really,' you shrugged, 'I mean, you won't hurt me, right?'

'What? No, no,' he said and cupped your cheeks to kiss your lips, 'no, never, darling. I'd never hurt you.'

'Good,' you smiled, 'then the only thing we have to do is to burn this thing,' you said and held up the outfit. 

'We will,' Sihtric agreed and pulled you closer, 'first thing tomorrow, I promise, love.'

'Good. Well… How about we go to your place, babe?' you smiled as you spoke against his lips.

'Sure, I'll take you to my place, sweetheart.'

'Maybe you can show me some of those scary movies you talked about earlier?'

'Ah, who gives a fuck about movies?' Sihtric smiled and kissed you, 'I'd rather watch you all night, baby girl.'

taglist: @foxyanon @alexagirlie @sihtricsafin @neonhairspray @gemini-mama

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if you want to be added to/deleted from the taglist, message me 🖤

[mysterywriter2187]

Transformers: One - What's In A Kneel?

!!!!!MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!!

With the responsibility of leadership and the dangers of pedestals and hero worship being such major themes, it only makes sense that all three of the film's leaders would show their true characters, and in doing so seal their fates, in moments where they have to kneel/bow.

Sentinel Prime essentially sets the entire second half of the film in motion when both the heroes and we as the viewer see him kneel to the Quintessons. It confirms everything that Alpha Trion was just telling them/us about him, and it's also the very thing that ends up getting broadcast to Iacon in order to finally expose Sentinel and turn the public against their False Prime.

For all his superficial charisma and his talk of looking out for the little guys, Sentinel himself is truly nothing more than a self-centred, spineless coward, who couldn't care less for the needs of the many and gladly bends to the will of bigger bullies/oppressors in order to keep himself in power.

After learning of Sentinel's betrayal and being subsequently captured with the High Guard, D-16 makes a point to stand while in custody and adamantly refuses to kneel. Even when Sentinel begins beating and torturing him, D-16 makes it abundantly clear that he has no intention of bowing to him or anyone else ever again.

In better circumstances this could be a heroic trait, a courageous defiance and the willingness to stand up in the face of injustice. But it just as becomes a negative one, and it's one of the last warning signs to the kind of leader that Megatron is going to be.

He may have started out with good and heroic intentions, but because of this Megatron sees himself as superior, and whether by choice or by force, he expects his fellow Cybetronians to rally behind him just as they did with Sentinel. While he sees himself as a revolutionary, in the end he's just going to become another tyrant.

And then we have Orion Pax. For much of the film, he's a far cry from the noble, legendary leader that we know and love from other iterations, but he starts to grow into it as he devises the rescue mission, and is tasked with rallying his fellow miners to help.

Having gotten a major upgrade since the last time he saw them, Orion now towers over his former peers and they're utterly awed by the sight of him. Rather than trying to take advantage of their admiration or even intimidate them with his new size and strength, Orion almost seems frustrated by the new height difference, and before beginning his speech he kneels down to literally speak to them on their level.

Orion doesn't make a point to do this, no one has to ask or prompt him to, in fact he himself doesn't even give that much thought to it, it's just his first instinct for how to best communicate. He may look larger and stronger now, but he still values the miners as his friends and his equals, and nothing is ever going to change that.

Gaining the Matrix later on may have gotten him the name, but it's this moment when Orion truly begins to embody the true core and heart of Optimus Prime. Powerful and inspiring, yet humble and caring. Or perhaps, as the legendary Peter Cullen himself has always said:

"Strong enough to be gentle."

[azmstea]

[COSMO - RARE TWISTED]

Okey, I KNOW some people already made this idea (found out while I was working on this), but I really wanted to make my version of it so let's go!!

Well, I decided to rework a bit Twisted Cosmo because I personally never understood why he is a common one to begin with. And also explain how his ability would work!

This will be a PRETTY long blog with a lot of yapping, so if you're actually interested in the "AU", keep reading!!

ASKS ABOUT HIM ARE HIGHLY APPRECIATED!!

Alright, let's start by explaining a bit about him.

"He believes he's helping others, but his healing method doesn't work like before. This twisted, separated from his best friend, walks around looking for people to heal with hearts that block any healing items and causing random effects for a few seconds. Be sure to never be spotted without full health!" - Research description.

During a blackout, Cosmo got lost and was forced to separate from his best friend Sprout and had only one heart left by the end of the process. When arriving at the elevator, he noticed Sprout having a hard time with a twisted, and he also had one heart. Knowing that his stamina was low at the moment, Cosmo does something he never did before: He used all his strength to remove his last heart and give it to Sprout, saving him from a fatal attack. Sprout made it to the elevator, but Cosmo couldn't say the same. (I want my Fruitcake angst y'all, or else I'll cook it)

We aren't sure how exactly toons became Twisteds, but for the sake of this "AU", Dandy decided to use Cosmo as a way to test something new: An ichor heart in a non main character toon. This heart made Cosmo stop from dying, but it causes him A LOT of pain, since his chest is opened and the ichor causes physical pain. He still has some conscience inside of him, but the ichor stops him from acting like how he used to and makes it more difficult to talk. His body and head are full of bites, like the twisted that was haunting Sprout tried to eat him before. His arm is way bigger and heavier than before, but he doesn't mind much because he is pretty strong around his arms, but it surely brings some extra pain for his right side.

Deep down, he just wants to help other toons, but he can't realize how he isn't capable of doing it in a positive way anymore thanks to the ichor.

Yes, I know, only main characters have sounds to show that they're nearby, but I want to add that if Cosmo is extremely close of you (in the same room or in the next room), you're capable of hearing his ichor heart beats, which are fast and loud. Like this, players can escape from him in case they are in a dangerous situation.

ABILITY:

(I saw a video called "swap au" on YouTube and took a bit of inspiration from it, but I changed it to make it a little more interesting!)

Twisted Cosmo's ability is inspired in his Toon's active: Heal others, but with a reverse effect.

If you have all your hearts, Cosmo won't follow you or harm you, he will keep walking because he doesn't want to hurt anyone (something like Glisten) and because he knows you won't need any heals. At first, it's like he won't even do anything at all.

However, if he sees you with 2 hearts or only 1 heart, he will grab his ichor heart from his chest and start chasing you, with the intention of throwing a heart at you and "help". His attention spam is a little longer (3.5 s) and his speed increases from his canon twisted form, but his eye vision isn't the best since he doesn't have one of his eyes, so he can't see you from extreme distances like Shrimpo.

If he catches you, your empty heart slots will be filled with a weird "ichor heart", similar to main characters. As his description says, the heart will block any kind of healing, so things like Teagan's active, medkits and bandaids won't work at all. Along with that, you'll get a random effect for 10 seconds from the I category (like "Confused I", "Slow I", "Tired I"). After the attack, Cosmo will no longer follow you because he thinks he finished his job there. (Distractors you're all screwed🔥)

And plus, you can avoid his attack if you heal yourself BEFORE he can heal you.

Another ability of his is being able to know when and where a player got hurt. Let's say you have 3 hearts, but you got a hit from Shelly in "x" spot. In this scenario, Cosmo will immediately go to "x" spot no matter how far he is from the place. If you manage to leave where you were before he arrives, good! If not, Cosmo will chase you to give you an ichor heart. Sounds "inoffensive" at first, but depending of the situation, it can make your life pure hell.

If you have 1 regular heart and 2 ichor hearts, Cosmo will no longer care about you during that floor because it's impossible to get another hit without dying, leaving you in a vulnerable situation for any complicated twisteds like Pebble or Goob. That's why I like to call him the very first twisted that won't kill you directly! I wanted to play with the fact that he's a supporter as a toon, so why not make a "supporter" twisted whose job is make your gameplay harder?? Maybe a new type of twisted?

"Will Cosmo also follow you if all machines are done like Glisten?" I'm still unsure of it, but to keep his "support" role, I suppose he would just accept his fate of being alone, because at least he can "help" others. (I WANT FRUITCAKE ANGST!!!)

How do you remove the ichor hearts? Again, still thinking about it, but just like Shelly's "Confused" ability, the effect should be gone once you reach the elevator. I thought about leaving the effect for 2 floors, but I dunno if this would be too OP or anything, so you can decide on this!

Now congratulations! You know who is twisted Cosmo and how to survive to one of the most annoying Twisteds ever!! /jk

I suppose that's all for now about him! He's still in development, but this is the main idea of him and his abilities!

And don't worry, I will be sure to cook some good old angst with this concept. Hope everyone enjoys it!!

ASKS ABOUT HIM ARE HIGHLY APPRECIATED!!

[luviwon]

smoking with sunoo enemies to lovers? pwp thoughts;

you'd been friends for a while, or more like friends of friends, or more like the guy who lives with your friend and may or may not hate you. you don't know, you can't really tell, at times it feels like you're kinda enemies and jay acts like you're imagining it. you know sunoo isn't a blatant asshole or anything like that, but it's when he looks at you like you're beneath him, leaves to get himself takeout and doesn't say anything, leaves the living room if it's going to be only you two in there, little things that feel like they should be unreasonable of you to hold them against him, but then contradict the way he holds doors open for you, leaves the food on the counter and doesn't protest when you help yourself, and weirdly, never smokes, or drinks, with you. your cheeky drunken banter met with words that stung a little more when sunoo said them. in retrospect, in all the times you've hung out in larger groups, sunoo would stay sober and make sure you got home safe. or at least would offer, even if you didn't smoke that much and could get yourself a ride. you liked thinking he did this because part of him liked you enough to keep you away from any potential danger, because you were kinda friends, even if he wouldn't verbally express it.

it never occurred to you that he wanted to keep you away from him, that he knew he couldn't trust himself to push aside some of the malice if he allowed himself to be as intoxicated as you are, until it happened.

hair wet having just showered, in a baggy tshirt you took from jay's room, unaware that it was really sunoo's, to your surprise walking into the living room and seeing him smoke, not having heard him come home due to water

joining him, noticing how annoyed he looked when he hesitated handing you the joint, informing him you wont use it all up, you didn't know he was such a fiend

his retort pointing out that's his joint you're smoking, calling you needy and greedy

looking at you like you're an idiot

you don't know what his problem was but you were bothered by how hot and cold gets

that's when you stood up in front of him, to ask him how it feels to be the one being looked down on

getting too comfortable with your position above him, his eyes looking up at you with discontent, silent as if he couldn't be bothered to waste any words on the girl getting high off his weed

thinking it was a good idea to to blow smoke in his face and being unable to hold back your laugh when he scowls at you

your laugh being cut off when he holds your hips and pulls you towards him, stumbling as you lean to stand on your knees hovering over him, his hands covered by the shirt slowly massaging your hips and ass while he looks up at you with a new gaze

something in it making you nervous

something in it making you not want to stop him

something intoxicating

"is that what you think? you think i'm looking down on you?"

you're taking too long to process what he's asking and he gets busy giving your ass an experimental pinch, fingers reaching at the skin under your panties, bringing you back to your senses when he slaps the waistband against your skin

it makes you whine

it makes you throb

you ask him if the harshness he gives you is supposed to he interpreted in any other way, a big part of you wanting to question him further, but the buzz in your head reaches your core and you can't help being compliant when he lazily lifts up part of your shirt, your clothed cunt being pulled further towards his face, a low, almost disgusted sounding groan coming from him

"fuuuck."

you're wet, and there's a damp patch on the crotch of your panties

and when sunoo brings his mouth over, tongue gliding against the warm and wet fabric, moving slowly along your folds, you whimper

sunoo looks up at you again with that same gaze and you feel yourself clench around nothing

then he brings his tongue back, lazily toying around the fabric outline of clit, the hand he had been massaging your ass with giving it spank, yanking you closer to him

you feel like falling over

you feel like you need to lay down

you feel your fingers in his hair and try not to lose yourself in riding his face

normally you're not this sensitive

normally you don't feel like cumming this early

and you don't get to, because he pulls away before your high can take you there

wetness on his mouth matching between your legs

"you come in my house, wear my clothes, and you think this is what being harsh is?"

you wish to yourself you could be clenching around his tongue, his fingers, his cock, but instead sunoo guides you to sit on his clothed lap, the tent in his pants making you want to rub against him, feel his hardness between your slick folds, feel the head of his cock be rubbed against your clit as if they could kiss

sunoo can tell how needy you are and you aren't making a grand effort to hide it

and in response to this, he chooses to toy with you further, relighting the bud and instructing you to open your mouth. not so you can smoke it, but so that he can blow his smoke into your mouth, ready to pull his cock out and pinch you in more places while you have to pump yourself on him, pushing you to get yourself off on him until you're nothing more than a begging and squirting mess desperate for the soft and pillowy feeling of his tongue in your cottonmouth and his smooth and hard cock pushing his hotter cum up inside your cunt

i was about to take a nap and this came to mind and i changed his characterization a bit because i wanted him to sound more brooding/like he only hates y/n but i neeeeeed drunk/high sunoo hate sex it's necessary

believe me or not, this is exactly what i needed for tonight. never in my life have i read such a masterpiece, let’s talk about it in private too🤭

(i literally can t say anything i’m so speechless this was so heavenly good)

[sirenedusud]

once more to see you (adar x elf!reader)

decades at a time, you find yourself crossing paths with the Uruk.

AN: hey guys i was listening to mitski and for some reason (yeah sure) i was filled with yearning for adar. he intrigues me so. i need help like mentally or something.

AN II: at some point the horny evaporated from my body and i was feeling something different, this ended up becoming like 30% adar LMFAO, BUT ALAS I WRITE FOR MY OWN PLEASURE AND I CANNOT HELP IT. enjoy.

--------------------------------------------------------

Dawn swept across the great delta, the pools of sea water and grains of sand glistened like stars as the sunlight dappled through the clouds. Eärendil's plea had been answered by the Valar, and so a host of your fellow elves from Valinor arrived upon the shores of Beleriand. You followed the call with haste as you wished to be reunited with your dearest friends in exile, but now your stomach turned at the sight ahead. A looming shadow crept over the mountain range, threatening to overtake what remained of Middle Earth's western shores.

Your company had concluded setting up camp the day before. Now only battle preparations were being rehearsed repeatedly, for no one could predict when the fight would erupt. You spent the entire morning doing drills you could have done as easily in your sleep and so decided to slip away from the encampment for a moment away. The forest gave you no comfort though, darkness lingered everywhere, muffling your hyperaware senses. Still you wandered, bow clamped tightly in one fist. Minutes later, you stumbled upon a clearing in the woods, but someone was already there. Their presence made your blood run cold; you notched an arrow for good measure.

It was too late though, the figure turned swiftly and looked directly at your motionless figure partially covered by one tree. He did not draw his sword, nor did you release your arrow. You found yourself completely transfixed on him, he seemed to be an elf with long pointed ears and tresses of midnight black hair.

Whatever danger oozed from him now stopped as his own eyes captured every inch of you. You noticed tear stains on his hollow cheeks, had he been crying before you came? You stepped out of the tree's shadow without hesitation, allowing the sunlight to pour down on you, illuminating your pale blue attire and long, woven hair. He only continued to gaze at you, as if he was studying the magnificent night sky etched by constellations.

“What is something so fair doing wandering on this dark path?” he asked calmly. Your cheeks flushed, but before you could open your mouth a horn blared in the distance and you pointed your arrow in its direction, then back at the elf. He was gone. This couldn't mean well. You ran back to the encampment as fast as you could to find elves running back and forth, your commander yelling at soldiers and captains alike. The war began.

***

The black blood mucked onto your armor would not budge regardless of how much pressure you rubbed at it with. With a sigh of defeat you dropped the filthy rag and laid your head on the boulder behind you. Decades had passed and the war continued. In this moment of stillness between the two fronts, you and Galadriel had led the injured away from the desolate northern regions. Your mind wandered on the events of the past years: the countless orcs you had slain, the mountains and plains which had been ravaged, the elves and men that fell to their death beside you, and the glimpses of the dark elf from the woods passing by you on the battlefield yet never crossing your path.

"What troubles you?" Galadriel's soft voice stirred your attention. She stood before you, glorious even through the weariness of war.

"Nothing. Nothing besides the stench of those rotting Orcs," you replied without a look to her, guilt creeping into your heart. She crouched down before you and took your hands into her own without another word.

A deafening roar split through the air suddenly, snapping everyone awake. Upon the northern horizon, winged serpentine beasts flew in your direction. Men and elves alike shouted at the sight in an uproar of confusion.

"What treacherous pit have those beasts crept out of?" one man cried out, looking to his own equally mortified commanders.

"So this is Morgoth's desperate assault," your tall commander pondered, before speaking loudly for all to hear, "his forces have been expended. Do not give into fear. Do not fear!" In a blur, you part from Galadriel and fall into line with the remaining soldiers charging back into the heat of battle. The dragons devastated the front line, scalding skin off of bone, melting armor and sword, snapping arrows like twigs. As one dragon swooped down to rake through soldiers, you shot a large arrow into the beast's eye, causing it to roar in pain, but too quickly it recovered to charge straight at you. In that moment, fear paralyzed you. The cloud of flame descending upon you grew hotter by the second, and you closed your eyes. No fear.

That was until a cold metal hand yanked at you by the nape of your armor, dragging you away from the now burning spot. You open your eyes to see a black-haired figure pulling you further and further away from the fields and into a dark valley. The ground was bloodied, black trees stood completely charred. The air hung thickly here, perhaps it was from the dragon fire, perhaps it was only something between the elf and you. He finally stopped and released you, causing you to catch yourself from face-planting into the rocky ground. He paced a little ways further, keeping his back to you. The sounds of clashing metal and roaring dragons continued in the background, yet seemed to grow faint as you focused on your savior.

"Who are you?" you asked warily, a hand resting upon the slender blade on your hip, yet rather pathetically you wished nothing more than for him to face you and gaze at you like the last time. He does turn eventually, and his eyes do find yours, but they were filled with anguish so strong it drew a worried expression from your own face.

"I am..." he began, "I thought I was fighting for my children’s place in this world, but it seems I led them all to death..." Children? What children did he speak of? You knew he served Morgoth, alongside other monsters and tormented souls twisted into Morgoth's "creations,” but no children were on that battlefield. You stood up slowly, trying to navigate the elf's mood as he looked down at the ground. His scarred hand grasped his black sword tightly, but you crept closer. He looked to you again, stopping you in your tracks as electricity crackled between the two of you.

His pale face was scarred so severely that you winced at the thought of what it looked like when they were fresh, but he was beautiful nonetheless. His melancholic grey-blue eyes shone upon a set of high-cut cheekbones. His thin lips parted to speak again, but his gaze dropped down to the dark blood stained on your armor. Suddenly, his eyes darkened and he grew angry, stepping away from you. You panicked at this change in temper and unsheathed your blade.

"Forgive me," he muttered before striking you across the head with the butt of his sword. The power of his hit threw you unconscious and you crumpled to the floor. For a moment he regretted his action, but the shrieks of the dragons snapped him back into reality. He pulled you behind large rocks, out of sight from any dangerous passerby, and returned to the battle that was costing him his kin. The battle which he knew Morgoth was losing.

***

The golden forest welcomed you with a gentle breeze as you walked down the rows of trees carved into figures of martyred elves. You stood before the familiar faces, ebbs of grief resurfacing in your heart. Decades had passed since the War of Wrath ended and now you remained in Middle-Earth with numerous other elves. Sometimes you longed for the light of Valinor, yet other times a dark desire only found in this foreign land kept you chained to Middle-Earth. Now, you simply resided in the elven kingdom of Lindon.

"There you are," Gil-galad's voice called to you gently. You turned to greet him, his eyes softened at the sight of your weary face. Your heart, on the other hand, leapt briefly after taking in the sight of the golden king. Moments like this passed between the two of you before, a connection that yearned to blossom during these peaceful years spent together in Lindon, but you said nothing of it and neither did he with all his power in the world. He stepped closer to you, taking your hand into his large, warmer ones before speaking.

"I know this look. I know you regret not joining Galadriel on her...search," he began, his golden rings dazzling in the sunlight, "but I have a task for you which I hope proves to be a distraction because I do not wish to see you mourn the past, wandering here in these woods alone." His voice grew firmer towards the end. He was right, long had you spent idly in solitude, spiraling in dark memories yet also refusing to return to Aman.

"What is your command?" you asked aloofly. Gil-galad let out a sigh and patted the back of your hand, guiding you back out of the forest and towards his halls.

"I want you to go see Celebrimbor. See what he is conjuring in that workshop that keeps him so occupied," Gil-galad continued, "I'm afraid our friend is not replying to my envoys as swiftly as I would like, and thought perhaps a more familiar face would get things out of him sooner." A breeze passed through the exit of the woods, causing your lids to flutter shut and you to inhale deeply. You opened your eyes to find Gil-galad studying your face, then looking away shyly. Before entering the main hall, he turned to you, gently clasping his hands upon your shoulders.

"Take two with you," he instructed, "and allow that foul battlefield to leave your mind. Now go.”

***

The road to Eregion was short. The two elves that accompanied you found themselves immersed in the citadel's magnificence upon arrival, and so you made your way to Celebrimbor alone. Sure enough, you found him in his workshop, chipping away at a slender blade handle made of polished marble.

"Celebrimbor-"

"Oh!" he shouted in surprise, the blade snapping off of the handle before him, "Ohhh." He turned to you with a frown, but immediately lit back up.

"It is a delight to see you my dear friend," Celebrimbor stood up to come closer to you, "such a delight! We must feast and drink on this occasion...for when was the last time you graced my humble workshop,” he rested one hand on your back as he began guiding you towards the doors you entered from.

“But you see…right now I'm quite busy." You began to protest with the elf, but he swept you out of the tower quicker than you could repeat Gil-galad's inquiries. With no other way back inside, you headed out of Eregion's main gates and into the woods. You hadn't meant to go wandering again, but your body had grown accustomed to this ritual: to walk deeper into the woods, fall deeper into memories with every step, become blind to what stood before you physically as your mind filled with images of the past.

The sun began to set and you found yourself in a small clearing full of sweet scented flowers and lightning bugs floating about. Images of the dark elf's face flashed before your mind’s eye, causing your heart to skip a beat. You admitted to yourself that right now more than anything you wanted to see him once more. The softness he spoke with to you, the scars on his pale face, the agony in his burning gaze, the way those same eyes were so captivated by you in the woods; everything about him was intoxicating. It was so pathetic of you, an Eldar, to be emotionally bound to a creature of darkness. There now was an emptiness within you that he had dug there, a hollow that tore open even wider when you remembered him. You fell to your knees in a soft bed of moss, grabbing fists of your hair as you begged yourself to forget about the enemy.

"This is madness! I've been marked by some ill will. It’s a stain. It's just a trick of the darkness, not my own mind! Not mine, not mine, not mine." Your hands hammered at your head. You threw your body forward and released a frustrated scream and then, bereft of any more strength, remained in child's pose upon the soft green earth. Crickets began to chirp around you, and the sound of careful footsteps reached your ears as well. You should have looked to see who it was, but you chose to sulk in self-pity. They grew closer, stopping midway as if they had seen something, then began to head towards you before stopping mere feet away.

"Fair creature..." a low voice spoke above you. You whipped your head up to find the darkling standing before you, clad in full black attire. Suddenly, you became aware of your lack of weapons, but then fell distracted by two tears escaping your eyes. It is a strange sensation, unfamiliar to you completely. Two drops of warm water traced down your cheeks and into the crevices of your lips, the taste of salt hitting your tongue, before continuing down your chin. You raised a hand to wipe the salty rivulets away, but a thumb in a black glove found them first. He knelt before you, looking curious as ever.

"How are you here?" Numerous questions filled your head at once, but time was of the essence with someone as fleeting as this dark elf.

"I fled in the end with my remaining children, in...someone else's refuge,” he hesitated with his words. He was afraid to reveal too much, yet he yearned to be vulnerable with you because he felt that he could. You caught his hand before it dropped away from your face, and rubbed your thumb against the back of his glove. He fell into a trance again, bewitched by your beauty, the beauty of elves he could no longer recall on his own. Your heart stammered in your chest as he kept his hand in yours, your questions now forming quicker in your mind than on your tongue.

"Who are you? You left me in the mountain last we…met. Why did you do it? Why not kill me? I killed…so many of yours," you spoke frantically. His eyes grew hurt, but he did not pull away from you.

"For as long as I can remember, I am called Adar," he began slowly, "My kin and I are Uruk. Yes, you killed many of them, yet I do not know why I spared you. I know...I saw something in you that day in the woods. Something that I should have turned away from, but I gave into it in that moment, and then again in the battle." Your face flushed and it was your turn to cease the eye contact. Whatever intense desire you felt, he had felt it too, you were sure of this. All the sinners of Middle-Earth could have been pointing and laughing at you in this moment. You grew afraid, so afraid of how relieved you were to be with Adar right now, to know him a little more.

"I know what it is that stopped you from killing me," you tested your words as your mind was still tinged with a little fear of Morgoth’s servant, "I felt it too." Slowly, you pulled Adar's hand up to your heart. For a moment the two of you remained like this, then he uttered something in a foreign tongue and pushed you away. He marched away from you before turning around.

"Do not ever seek me out," he said hoarsely, "for your own sake."

***

The waves lapped at the edge of the harbor which you stood upon. You watched as elves began to slowly board the ship set for Valinor. Galadriel stood beside you, looking increasingly agitated as her time to board came closer. Her company had returned several days ago from their search for Sauron, but the elves refused to carry on, forcing their commander to fall back as well.

You turn to Galadriel and she mirrored you. You gave her a weak smile, knowing full well she did not wish to take this gift of returning to Aman.

“Perhaps you could speak with Gil-galad once, since Elrond was of no use in this,” she said with a hint of hope, but you shook your head.

“If I speak any word of this to him, he’ll put me on that boat too and be rid of the both of us,” you turned to look behind you as you spoke, catching sight of the king in the distance. He gave you a small nod, perhaps thinking you were having a heartfelt farewell with your friend. Galadriel let out an airy laugh as she glanced at the king as well.

“Well, why aren’t you coming with us?” Galadriel inquired suddenly, curious as to why you had bound yourself to Middle-Earth. You looked at her shyly but simply shrugged; if you told her the truth you knew she would have dragged you onto the ship herself.

“There is still much I want to see. Things not as troubling as well, Sauron,” you responded slowly, taking the last few steps on the dock with Galadriel before she boarded the white ship. She turned back one last time to embrace you, bringing her lips close to your ear.

“I know he is alive,” she whispered.

“I believe you,” you reassured her before releasing her. She muttered a final goodbye before turning to face the front of the ship. You watch as Círdan, Master of the Grey Havens, stepped off the ship before it made its way out of the harbor. Galadriel, nor any of the other elves, turned back. You watched until the ship became a speck on the horizon, until the sun began to set, and until Elrond reached for your arm to guide you away from the harbor.

***

Strange things brewed in the Southlands. Wishing to escape Gil-galad’s ever-watchful eye, you found yourself visiting the elves on the Watchtower of Ostirith. They spoke ill of the men in the villages below, who all felt the same way towards the elves even though they were severely defenseless without those elves. Save Arondir, who had grown fond of one particular woman. Oftentimes you wanted to advise him against it, to say that he would only be hurt if he chose to love a mortal, but you yourself chose worse things to love.

Upon one quiet morning, something had drawn you to the black forest surrounding the tower. The silence of these woods became unnerving though after walking through them for half an hour and you contemplated turning back, but you found yourself lost. You could not sense the way you came from at all. Terror split into your mind as you trekked down the path you were certain you had come from, desperately scanning the forest floor for signs of your own footprints. You were beginning to lose daylight, and prayed the woods were as empty as they sounded.

You suddenly stumbled into a thicket of webs and groaned at the white strands sticking to your hair and clothes.

“Cursed things! Spiders this close to people? Or, perhaps…I am not as close to civilization as I thought I was…” you trailed off into thought as you cut through the webs. The task at hand becoming so distracting that you did not detect one of the spiders crawling up behind you. Your ears had caught the sound of one of its feet slipping though, but before you could turn to parry its attack, you found the arachnid dead with a black arrow through its skull. It fell with a loud thud to your feet, and you stared, dumbstruck, at the archer. Adar stood there, though not as shocked as you. You scrambled out of the webbed mess and straight to him, desperate to catch him before he slipped away again.

“I caught sight of you when you entered the forest. I sensed you were lost and only followed to make sure you returned to Ostirith in one piece–“ Adar began but stopped as you wrapped your arms around him, pressing your cheek into his armored chest.

“Please, please don’t leave! Please stop doing this to me,” you pled hoarsely. Adar dropped his bow and clung onto you as well, his one bare hand raking through your long, soft hair. He pressed his face into your smooth forehead, and inhaled your floral scent, absorbing anything and everything he could of you. No guilt or shame reached you now. It was as if no one could see you, not Gil-galad, not the Valar.

“What does an Eldar want to have to do with me?” Adar’s question finally broke your peace. You looked at him in confusion, your mind juggling between reality and its possibilities.

“You could be forgiven, you did not know what you were going to be forced to do when Morgoth had twisted you into…none of this has to be your burden,” you rambled, but Adar shook his head.

“I cannot abandon my children. They have every right to be free in Middle-Earth as anybody else.”

“Children? What are these children you keep speaking of?” you sighed as you took a small step back and planted your hands to your hips. Adar smiled down at you, but inwardly he prepared for you to finally be disgusted by him, to finally reject him and free the both of you from this tangled web of emotions.

“The Orcs,” he explained, “they had been abused by Morgoth once, and I cannot allow it to happen again. They deserve to be free, to have their own land, with no ruler above them…I wish to grant them this peace.” You stared at Adar incredulously. What madness could possess someone to pity the vile Orcs?

“The only peace you could grant them is to put an end to their treacherous existence,” you replied harshly. Adar’s eyes grew angry for a moment, but his pent up desire caused him to soften under your stern gaze. You trembled as you began to realize that perhaps he would not join you in this eternal life, the darkness had truly twisted his soul. As if sensing this, Adar grasped your chin with his hand and forced you to look into his eyes.

“I don’t know what to do…” your lip began to quiver.

“For now…be here with me,” the Uruk responded before dipping his head down to capture your lips in his. You immediately melted into his armored body, any flame of despair within you extinguished. You kissed him back fervently, your hands reaching for his neck, lips feeling every inch of his cold ones. He rocked your head gently to the side, giving himself more leeway to devour your lips. You let him slip his tongue into your mouth, a cold metallic taste filling your senses. His hands wandered down your body, slowly squeezing every bit of you from your breasts to your hips. A moan slipped out of you after one of his hands trailed back upward and gave your throat a soft press.

Twigs snap in the distance and you lurched back from Adar. His cold eyes scanned into the dark forest, his body covering yours protectively. After a minute passed, he turned back to you. His own heart, which he once thought long dead, jumped at the sight of you. The moonlight illuminated your flushed cheeks, your lips now glistening from the kiss, and the ardor in your eyes.

“We are not alone, fair creature,” Adar whispered to you between kisses on your cheek then nose then other cheek, “Your kin searches for you. Go to them.” You wanted to protest, but Adar only brushed a hand through your hair before stepping back into the forest, fading without a trace.

“There you are,” Arondir’s voice came from behind you. You turned to face the stoic elf with a dazed expression. He did not ask you why you were here, but simply beckoned you to follow him back to the tower. On your way back, you turned the cold taste of Adar on your tongue over and over again.

***

Arondir led you straight back to the tower, but before entering the fortress, he turned on his heel to face you.

“Who was with you out there?” he asked.

“Wh-what?” you stammered as the question caught you by surprise.

“Who was with you in the woods?” Arondir repeated, emphasizing each word. He took a step forward, looking down at you sternly. Your blood ran cold. Did he already know? Could you lie?

“I was lost, I was talking to myself. There wasn’t any–“

“Do not lie!” Arondir’s jaw tightened as he snapped at you. You stood with your mouth agape, feeling as if you were shrinking smaller and smaller under his judgmental gaze.

“Did you not think I could sense the darkness lingering on your flesh?” you shivered as he continued, “and to think…you succumbed to it so easily.”

“You don’t understand! It was nothing of that sort!” you pled but to no avail. Arondir scowled, turning away from you and headed into the tower.

“It is best you leave these lands. For good,” Arondir called over his shoulder before leaving you alone in the dark. You fell to your knees, praying under your breath for the night sky to come down and swallow you up from your spot.

***

When you reached Lindon, two soldiers immediately led you to Gil-galad. As you entered the king’s study, you noticed a crumpled letter on his ivory desk, as if he had read it and crushed it in his palm immediately. The tall elf stood with his back to you for several minutes, sweat began to form at your hairline. Finally, he turned to you with a somber expression.

“Do you know what I just read?” he asked, barely in a whisper.

“Gil-galad…” he raised a trembling hand to stop you regardless of asking you a question. He stepped around his desk and loomed over you. His eyes searched yours for something you could not decipher. He raised a pointed hand as he spoke.

“Tomorrow, at first light, there is a ship leaving for Aman. You will take it, and you will not have any more say in this,” he spoke seethingly. Disappointment burned in his eyes, and for once you became afraid of him. Naturally, you did not protest and without another word bowed to Gil-galad before turning to leave the room.

Hot tears streamed down your face as you made your way as far as you could from everyone. You kept your face down in shame, making your way to the edge of the city before bumping into someone. You looked up to see Elrond. His mouth parted in surprise but he quickly swept you into a tight embrace, patting your back as you stifled a sob.

“Surprised he didn’t send you off with Galadriel the first time,” Elrond joked quietly, but his voice remained solemn. He did not ask anything else of what had happened in the Southlands, even though he knew the basis of it.

“I should have left the moment the war ended.”

***

The waves were gentle as they carried your ship closer and closer to the golden rays before you. Warmth hummed within your chest as the clouds parted completely to reveal the brilliance of Aman. The welcoming light grew stronger, infiltrating every bit of your surroundings. Your senses began to buzz entirely. Any despair in your mind melted away, and the hollow in your heart filled with something soft and kind. A song from the Amanyar carried through the breeze; the chorus of silken voices beckoned you home.

[justme315]

New family 1/?

! Warning !

swearing, angst, fear, step-family, g/t family, abuse, mention of abusive giants, gigantophobia, mention of the character being religious, sickness

------------------------------------------

I was fucked.

I'm sorry for using that kinda language but I really was. You see, my whole life has been destroyed by thoese damn giants.

Sorry, I don't think I introduced myself yet, I'm Zack.

Me and my mom were always a team. After my dad has passed away when i was 6 she was the only person important to me. It was basically us two against the whole world.

Something that might also be important for you to understand my story is the fact that we live in a world full of humans (like my and my mom) and giants. Giants are.. humanoid 60-ish feet tall creatures. Easily to say - their dangerous. The government rightfully understood the danger and the fear of us humans and created 'human-only' zones, cities, countries even. There were also a few 'giant-only' zones, but I'm not really sure why. It's not like the giants would fear us. Most of the places thoese enourmous beasts live are simply 'mixed-zones', places where both humans and giants can live. Thank God that me and my mom always lived in a 'human-only' zone. I was always skeptical and yeah, terrified of giants.

My mom was different though. Maybe she was just dumb (sorry for saying that mama) but she just couldn't sense danger. She worked in a company that required her to sometimes travel to 'mixed-zones' or 'mixed-cities'. I was always opposed to that but she.. enjoyed it. She even said that she made some giant "friends". I never believed in their honesty though.

But what changed my life once and for all, had happened when I was just 16. Well, going on 17 already, but yeah, still 16.

I never ever once questioned my mom's romantic life after my dad has passed away. She just.. never acted like she wanted to start a new relationship. And I was very okay with that.

But one unfortunate day, just after she came home from one of her business trips she told me that she has got a boyfriend.

That was weried to know, I mean c'mon, picturing your mom having a crush, dating, falling in love etc. is just.. weried and kinda disgusting if you ask me.

Of course, I questioned her and soon I reaveled her secret.

"Zack, I have been dating him for a little over a year. I was just scared of how you might react. But now, I must tell you since.. he proposed."

That felt like I was stabbed straight into the heart. How could she have kept having a boyfriend a secret from me for so long? Why would she? Being lied to by her felt horrible. I thought we were a team - we always told echother everything. But I guess I was wrong.

Really soon I found out that my mom's boyfriends (and now fiances) name is Andrew, that he was just slightly older than her and had two sons about my age, he was also a widower, and according to my mom, we had much in common.

I really couldn't understand why my mom would keep her boyfriend a secret. Untill she revealed she wanted for us to move in with him and his sons. I mean, she had a lot of planing to do, as she was soon to get married again, so that was kinda understandable. I wasn't opposed to moving into a new home, but changed my mind really quickly when my mom reaveled that our new home would be in a mixed-city. I mean, I was never even in that kind of a city, never even seen a giant in real life and was hella terrified of them! She should've understood me. Before she 'fell in love' she always has.

I asked her a milion times if Andrew and his sons can't just move in with us but she always found some excuse. Once, our house was too small, then his older son didn't want to switch universities, another time Andrew was scared of loosing the job. It was always a stupid excuse. Untill she finally reaveled the truth.

You see, Andrew, my mom's husband-to-be was a giant. And so were his sons.

To say that I was mad and scared was an understatement. I felt lied to. I felt like I was being dragged into something I didn't want to be a part of. I, understandably, questioned the honesty of my moms relationship, which angered her the most. I was angry with my mom for over two weeks after finding out about the size of my soon to be step-family and barely spoke with her. I couldn't be away from her for long though and forgave her, but in my heart I still had plenty of doubts.

My friends didn't help ease my fear. I told my best buddies at school and the stories they have told me only made me more afraid and suspicious of the said Andrew and all giants at that point.

"Don't y'all remember Joseph from middle school? He moved to a mixed-city with his parents. He was stepped on by a giant and died!"

"That's nothing compered to what happened to Amy. A quick death is better than being tortured. She is my cousin. She moved to a mixed-zone because she wanted to go to a better collage. One of her giant male classmates kidnaped her and done horrifying things to her. Once she was found she had missing limbs, many scars.. She was mentally, physically and sexually abused by him for months, untill they found the giant. And he barely got any jail time for that! She's still in mental health hospital!"

"My dads best friend Thomas was freaking eaten alive!"

Yeah, I think 3 stories is enough to give you the idea of how freaking terrified I was of the said 'step-family'. Some might say I am a specist (a person that discriminates based on the species (giant and human)) but I wouldn't agree. I don't really think that a human can be a specist becouse we are in the more vaunurable position. Also, I don't hate giants becouse of their size. I hate and fear them because of how brutal and cruel they are towards humans. Maybe a giantophobe would be a more appropriate term for me.

That day was the worst day in my entire life. And it's really hard to beat the day my dad had passed away.

We sold the house. We were at the airport. All ready to go to a mixed-city, over the wall that the government made.

Mom was all smiley and happy, her nose never leaving her phone.

"Andrew texted me that he and his boys are at their side of the barrier already, waiting for us. They can't wait to meet you!"

Right, didn't I mention that they all knew echother, but me?

"I just can't wait to show you the city and our new home!"

I was standing there quiet. No matter how many times I told my mom that i don't agree with her choice of dating a giant or for the fact that I didn't want to move away into a mixed-city she would always say that I will change my mind once I overcome my fear. Hell, I would.

I held my bag closely, trying to hold onto whatever I have not to lose my composure. I was terrified and angry, sure, but showing thoese giants from the start that they have some power over me, even though it was obvious, wasn't something I would do. At last, if I could hide my emotions.

Just a few minutes before our flight, a flight in the opposite direction landed. I saw all those humans, coming back from the mixed-city, most of them seem, okay. That made me confused and curious. Would it really be all that bad?

Untill I saw a girl, probably my age, on a wheelchair. I mean, there is nothing wrong with disabled people, don't get me wrong, but she was crying so she easily got everyone's attention. A woman run up to her.

"Mom!" The girl sobbed, opening her arms to hug her mother. The woman tried calming the girl down but she just kept crying and screaming "It was just supposed to be a student exchange program!! This scary giant crushed my legs!"

The girls voice echoed in my head. It was different to hear stories of distant people, but to see someone hurt by thoese monsters in front of my own eyes was completely different.

Even my mom lowered her phone and looked at the girl with pity in her eyes. I prayed to the Lord to open her eyes and return home safely with me.

"Poor girl" she signed "That must have been a.. horrible accident".

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Accident?" I looked at my mom angrily, finally letting my emotions out "A giant crushed her legs".

"Honey, I'm sure they didn't mean to.." she looked at me, somewhat shocked at my defensiveness. I shouldn't have expected her to understand. She just simply couldn't sense danger. And that could get both of us killed.

"Her legs were crushed by a giant, mom!" I raised my voice, even so slightly as I couldn't believe how blinded she was by her feelings.

"Zack, calm yourself down" she looked at me more strictly now, as I was getting other peoples attention. I couldn't bare the thought of how stupid this all was. I just wanted to be home. Or anywhere at that point. Anywhere but in a spece where giants were allowed.

"You-" I began to speak.

"The flight 16-399Bhc** is preparing to take off. We ask all the passengers to board the plane within 5 minutes. Thank you and have a good flight" said a voice from the speaker.

"That's our flight!" My mom cheered up and grabbed my arm, pulling me as she ran to the plane.

She was so excited it made me feel like I was gonna puke.

Don't get me wrong, I always loved planes but this time I felt uneasy. My whole body was shaking ever so slightly, I felt like I was about to puke, I swear I heard my heart pumping blood, my head was spinning..

That can easily be called my worst ever flight.

After we landed I need a good 15 minutes in the bathroom to regain my composure.

"Honey, are you alright?" I heard my mom knocking "Are you sick?"

"I'm fine mama, I'll be okay" I mumbled, though I didn't feel like I was going to be okay for at last next few hours. I was also convinced my life was about to end so why bother worrying my mom. But before I cross the barrier of the airport, I didn't have to see or interact with any giants. Maybe me feeling sick was actually a gift from God to give me more time to get ready for what was about to come? As I was almost ready to go I hear my mom speaking:

"Honey, are you sure? I texted Andrew and he and Ethan are worried sick. They can drive us to a hospital"

And then I got sick again at the mention of the giants.

Oh, you might not know who is who. Andrew is my moms 45 year old husband-to-be, but I'm sure I have spoke about him already. Ethan is his older son, he was 21 back then. His younger son - Ryan - was 17.

After, what appeared to me as a minute and to my mom as an hour I finally could exit the bathroom.

My mom rushed me, saying that the boys have been waiting for us long enough. I was feeling less and less okay. I couldn't keep my emotionless demeanor. My eyes felt heavy, my heartbeat fasten as well as my breathing, my legs were shaky and I was not able to say even one word.

As I saw the enourmous glass wall behind which were a ton of giants, I felt like I was going to faint.

Or simply turn around and run.

My mom stopped in her trucks and looked at her phone. After maybe three seconds of reading what I supposed was a message form Andrew she looked into the direction of 3 giant men waiting and her eyes started to freaking sparkle and her smile grew.

She then looked at me and pointed in the direction of thoese giants, who weren't looking at us, thank God.

"That's Andrew! And Ethan and Ryan!" She said with an excited expression.

Andrew was surprisingly the shortest of the group. He had brown hair that were turning grey, a short beard, thick glasses, a blue sweater and more elegant pants. He was overall a handsome middle-aged dude, if it wasn't for the fact he was freaking enormous.

Ethan was talking with him. He had fluffy brown hair and was slightly taller than his dad. He had a few freckles and dimples on his cheeks, his smile was truthfully welcoming. His white hoodie also looked very comfy.

The tallest one was the youngest - Ryan. He had black, short hair, a pierced ear and stylist clothes. If he would have been a human, he looked like one of the popular kids that you always look up to. I really liked the belt he had, same with the rings on his fingers.

All three giants had the same eye color - hazel.

My mom grabbed me again and pulled me into the direction of the glass wall that was the last thing keeping me outside of the reach of giants. She looked so happy to see them that it was hard to recognize her. She only ever smiled at me like that before.

Soon enough, we were close to the exit of my comfort zone. My fear only grew as we were closer to the giants. It was still probably about 20 feet between us and the door when Andrews eyes rested on us. I felt the enourmous gaze and felt like I was stung. Soon both his sons eyes locked on me and my mom. She realized quickly and slowed down with the running. She then waved at them. Andrew and Ethan waved back. Ryan stood there, looking maybe a little conflicted but surely also kinda annoyed.

At that point I could feel the blood boiling in my veins. My heart ached. As well did my head. My legs were shaky. I felt like I couldn't catch my breath correctly.

If you think you're not socially awkward, three giants looking down at you with their enourmous eyes, almost scanning you as if you were an insect would change your mind right away. And if you are socially awkward like me? Well, you would feel as if you were just about to die.

My mom rushed me again, ready to exit the safe space, that only allowed humans. I walked behind her, but I wasn't as excited or as fast. Partly, becouse I wanted to be out of the giants reach for as long as I could and partly becouse I was feeling worse and worse.

To be honest, I don't know what was making me feel bad. Maybe it was all the emotion, fear, anger and all, maybe it was my mental health killing me and shouting at me that danger was close, maybe it was the horrible flight, maybe it was my body being sick. I don't know.

What I do know is, each step I took, the more powerless I felt. My legs felt to weak to hold my bodyweight.

My mom was already by the exit door when she turned around to rush me again. I was maybe 7 feet behind her, still surrounded by the enourmous gazes of those three giants, two of which were smiling. Their smiles made me sick in my stomache, but Ryan who was the only one not smiling made me feel ever worse somehow.

I totally expected my mom to yell at me to hurry up, based on how excited she seem but she just stared at me for a secound with wide worried eyes and then returned to me.

"Are you okay honey? You don't seem too good"

I wanted to answer her but it came out as a soft yelp. I thought I was going to puke again.

Faces of the giants became more serious and worried. I didn't like that expression either, to be honest.

I looked back at mom as she reached out to me and raised her hand to my shoulder for comfort probably.

"Are you scared Zack? Is that it? Because if it is, I assure you, they won't hurt us. Ever." She spoke in a soft, quiet voice. Her expression didn't show anger but she looked more understanding than any other moment of the past few weeks. She spoke with such confidence I could have believed her.

Well, I maybe even would have if I didn't faint.

Because just a moment after she spoke my vision went black and my body felt weak. The last think I remember before fainting were thoese scary gazes and my mom yelling:

"Zack!"

------------------------------

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed the 1st part!

[nekohime19]

AITA for punching my girlfriend in the face?

(Part two of the previous post!! Let's go! Love writing funny looney toons style things like that. It's still Wukong POV.)

I didn't expect to get that much answers 😅. Anyway, thanks for the wisdom.

For those who didn’t see my last post (AITA for sleeping with the guy my girlfriend is cheating on me with) : I have a girlfriend (Venom) who cheated on me with another guy (Six). So out of pettiness I went to see Six. I learned he wasn't aware of my existence and was getting played too. We bonded, got wasted and kinda slept together.

Here are my answers to all your comments :

LaZen :

NTA, thought you definitely need to break up with her like yesterday, cheating is not cool and poor six who was the side dish :c its going to be awkward but six and you need to talk with a nice breakfast about what you two want to do now, revenge? Just a one night thing? Or get to know each other, wich i think is going to be the latter since both of you were getting along, the guy just got to town, maybe show him around as friends?

OP response :

Yeah, I think it's due time I confront Venom, even if I really don't want to. Idk, guess she's been with me for a long time so it's somehow scary to move on. I honestly don't know what I want with Six. I've never been interested in guys before? And maybe he only got pulled by the mood? Anyway, you're right, we do need to talk. Idk if I can make breakfast but, hey, burned egg aren't THAT bad.

Lagt :

Anyway not the asshole, maybe a stupid move but at that point why even bother coming back together if you two were already broke up? Like it feels like she couldn't decide

NTA

OP response :

😬 You're really calling me out with that one. Venom and I do have a pretty weird way to settle things. Guess I just got used to the constant breaking up and getting back together.

Sakurabloom_26 :

NTA, OP it doesn’t matter the reason, she cheated on you and played Six for a fool by making him her AP.

It wasn’t ok that you slept with her AP before breaking up with her (especially since the two of you were drunk), but considering you both were played for fools, I can’t blame you for shooting your shot.

As for what to do, wait for Six to wake up and decide on how the two of you are going to catch Venom in the act and then dump her.

Regarding Six, I’d take it slow, offer to be his friend and if you think there’s a genuine connection there, ask him out on a date (something simple like a coffee date, or a picnic), but be sure to assure him that if he doesn’t feel the same way that you still want to be friends (you both sound like you just need someone to genuinely be there for each other, so awkward emotions shouldn’t mean that your friendship has to end 😌)

Best of luck to you OP, I’m rooting for you 😊

OP response :

Yeaaah, wine really got into our heads and maybe we shouldn't have slept together. Honestly, being friends with Six doesn't sound bad. I’ve never been interested in guys before so it's pretty new. The thing is I don't know if I felt like that because of the mood or because of genuine feelings? Taking it slow might be better, especially since we're both kinda still with Venom at the moment?? Thanks!

Mystsong :

NTA, you were cheated on by Venom and Six had no clue what is or was going on. Not sure it was a good idea for you and Six to sleep together but you were also both impaired by alcohol so you both weren't thinking at the time. I'd definitely stay away from Venom and take things slow and steady with Six and see if there's something there. Also please be careful with Venom I've heard of some ex boyfriends/ex girlfriends doing some crazy things when they get mad at their exes or to keep control of their exes...and she sounds dangerous to do that. Also getting advice from some friends and family like your successor, Bud, might also be a good idea especially if you want to get proof of what Venom is up to and has been doing. Hope this helps you out. (Hugs sent)

OP response :

The things alcohol makes you do. Talking it out with Six might be for the best, idk if he'll want to see me again though? Guess I'll just have to ask. Maybe we can just be friends for now until we figure it out. Venom can be intense, yeah. I wouldn't put it past her to pull some shit like that. I don't want to involve Bud in this mess though, he's not really aware of me and Venom and he has enough problems because of me. (Hugs received)

Sag3mint :

Honestly wondering what Venom's reaction will be. Anger probably. 🤔

But once she realises that the reason why you and Six met is because of her, oh boy...... 🤭 That's gonna be massive blow to her ego.

OP response :

Oh boy, she's not gonna be happy that her bf and her side bf are getting it on together. This is gonna be a nuke field to travel through.

Halfdeadhalfpaniced :

Oh she’s definitely not going to take it well but technically none of this would have happened and you two would never have met if she didn’t cheat first. Honestly OP? He’s probably not the only one she’s ever cheated on you with and might not even be the only other person she’s currently seeing.

OP response :

It hurts to think about that, I hope she didn't… But I can't be certain.

Littleguy-dot-io :

nta.. you seemed to be doing yall a favor. venom. seems kinda like a bitch??? like bro.... pick a struggle. anyways sorry she did that to yall both but break with her

OP response :

At this point, Yeaaah, both Six and I really need to break up with her.

Furornocturna :

Okay, a LOT to unpack here, but I’ll try my best to give you some advice you desperately need.

Overall consensus? ESH.

Let me elaborate before you dismiss me outright.

Venom clearly sucks the worst here for cheating and stringing you and Six along.

You weren’t wrong for wanting revenge (I would too) and you weren’t wrong to tell Six about the situation (probably should have done it sober tho), but the two of you cheating on her back with each other… while admittedly a little hilarious as an outsider hearing this story secondhand, that doesn’t do either of you favors here. Not only did you sink to her level, but now the situation is messier than before that you now have to deal with when she finds out (which she will). You are going to have to confront Venom to end things with her, OP. Because that’s what you need to do.

From the looks of it, she checked out of the relationship three months ago, and the love there on your end was gone after you found out she was cheating, plus was likely already heading in that direction with the other background you gave on how things have been. And Six doesn’t deserve to be the side piece to her either.

First and foremost, you and Six both need to break things off with Venom (and deal with the fallout that comes with, as I have little doubt she’ll take the news well) before you proceed with anything else with whatever it is you want to do with each other. Which, despite the rather unorthodox circumstances, it appears that you two really hit it off.

But if this is something you want to pursue, platonically, romantically, or whatever else, you need to sort out yourself. You mentioned questioning your sexuality at the end of your post, so you’ll want to figure things out there before jumping headlong into another relationship. More than that, if you really like Six in any form, the last thing you want to do here is make him think he’s just a rebound. He was also hurt by Venom too. And make sure Six isn’t just rebounding on you either. You both really need to communicate on your wants, needs, feelings, etc, and how you want to proceed.

I hope things work out for you and Six. It really sucked that this happened (Venom cheating on you two, not you two finding each other), and I hope you both can recover from this and come out happier.

ALSO

Since you mentioned Venom causing city-wide damage in the past and how she’s caused issues with your successor, I worry both Bud and the city might also become casualties if Venom decides to retaliate against you and Six for breaking up with her/finding out her cheating. Don’t let them get caught up in the crossfire of this.

Make your next moves carefully, and you’ll get through this with the least amount of hassle.

Hope this helps!

OP response :

Honestly, I do feel kinda bad for sleeping with Six because of Venom. Even if I'm really angry and some petty part of me thinks she deserves it, I didn't intend for things to turn out like that. Things with Six just… spiraled, the alcohol didn't make it better. Not the first time wine makes me do stupid things. But, somehow, I don't regret it?? I definitely need to confront Venom and I sure as hell don't intend to keep dating her after this. Things will be messy and, you're right, I do need to watch out for her reaction and make sure things don't get out of control. I don't know how things will go with Six. Tbh, I don't know what I'm feeling for sure either, everything is kind of a mess right now? But right, talk, we need to talk.

Sorry if I made a mistake on you guys names, 😅.

And sooo, I have an update 👀

AITA for punching my girlfriend in the face?

After that night with Six I got up and tried to make breakfast. You know, something nice to set a nice mood. Problem is idk how to cook (I usually eat hair, it's a mystic monkey thing) sooo my attempt failed miserably and I ended up with a black goo that was supposed to be eggs.

I just settled for fruits. Like Six should like fruits, no ?? He's a monkey. So I prepared a nice basket and waited.

I was kinda nervous.

Which was very unlike me. I'm not a nervous guy. But I never did hook-ups before, not with a guy, and not with my girlfriend's secret side boyfriend much less. It was a messed up situation tbh and I felt guilty for what I did (somehow it kinda felt I cheated on Venom??), angry at Venom and also excited to see Six again.

Six woke up after a few minutes, he looked ruffled and very much like he spent the night having fun in the sheet (I'm proud of that tbh). He froze when he saw me. Dear in the headlight froze and we stared at each other for a long minute before I managed to awkwardly gesture towards the basket.

Six sat down and nibbled on some mangoes. Our conversation kinda went like this :

Me : “so, last night was… ?”

Six : “... A lot.”

Me : “Yeah… Huh, what do you wanna do?”

Six : “Don't know… Guess I'm just gonna keep my distance a bit.”

Me : “From Venom?”

Six : “Yeah…”

Me : “How about we confront her together?”

Honestly I said that because I didn't really want to confront Venom alone. She could be intense at times and, well, it was perhaps better to do it with everyone directly involved present.

But before Six could reply, Bud barged in.

Now, I'm not the best at keeping track of time but I usually know when Bud is coming. But with the whole situation it just slipped by me. The three of us froze and Bud's mouth fell open… For context, the marks of what we did last night were still very visible so it wasn't hard for Bud to connect the dots.

Now, Bud knows I'm with someone but I never told him of Venom. The main reason is because Venom is more on the “bad guy team” and doesn't think that kindly of Bud. Moreover, Bud has been the cause of a lot of arguments between Venom and I and I didn't want him to be involved with an angry Venom. I just didn't want things to get complicated and thought it was simpler to separate my love life from my mentor life. Maybe I was also a bit scared of how Bud was gonna react to me dating a “bad guy”.

Maybe that's why Bud's first reaction was to be excited and rush to Six, rambling about how he's finally able to meet my partner. I'm not blaming Bud for thinking this but Gods above it was so awkward.

If I said that Six wasn't my boyfriend, then Bud was going to think I'm cheating on my true partner (Venom)... Which is kinda the truth?? Somehow???

I honestly didn't know what to do and, at this point, I was feeling a lot of different emotions. I didn't want Bud's image of me to be tarnished but I didn't want to lie to him either about the situation. Six, who looked quite overwhelmed as well, didn't outrightly reject Bud's claim but clearly didn't agree with it either. He just… excused himself and took the opportunity to leave. Which I can understand. Dealing with Bud isn't his responsibility and he just learned he was a side piece yesterday, he probably needed some time to cool off and think clearly about what happened.

He smiled at me before leaving so I assumed that he's not that upset with me.

Gods that smile.

I avoided Bud's questions after this and put the subject to rest. Neither confirming or denying anything. I just told him we'd talk about it later. It's not like I didn’t want to confide in Bud, but I didn't want to drag him into this mess, he has enough already on his plate.

So now, fast-forward to three days after that incident. I took a lot of tests on the internet to know if I'm actually bi ?? I questioned a lot about myself, my own sexuality, and what I wanted to do with Six and Venom.

Six and I decided to meet again and clarify things. Mainly about what we wanted to do with Venom and how we should confront her. He came to my mountain and we sat down around some fruits, trying to figure out this whole mess and how we should go about it now. Honestly, both of us agreed we should break up for good with Venom. But we weren't sure if we should tell her about our lil “fun in the sheet”. Venom can have an explosive temper at times (she did destroy half of the city) so we didn't want to anger her more than necessary. I know I may be TA for wanting to keep my “kinda cheating” with Six a secret but at this point I just wanted to be done with Venom and not give her any more reasons to put the city or Bud in danger. It was a moment where both of us were emotionally vulnerable, and waisted. It wasn't wise, especially given the context, but I did insist that I didn't regret it. I really felt like we had a connection that night. However, before Six could reply, I saw Venom stomping down this way with an enraged look.

We both panicked. The marks of our night together were still somewhat visible and both of us didn't want to aggravate Venom more than she already was. In hindsight, maybe it was kind of a stupid move and would seem even more suspicious to Venom, but I pushed Six in the nearest cabinet. He looked livid so I just told him it wasn't the right moment yet and that I'd deal with her for now. I quickly applied some glamors to hide any marks and waited for Venom to arrive (for context, glamors is kind of like magic make-up).

She was furious. She paced and accused me of cheating on her. I pried a little for information and it turns out she overheard Bud talk about my male partner and, yeah, things spiraled down from there.

So my soon-to-be ex was ransacking the house in search of my supposed side piece and I was just nervously standing in front of the cabinet with Six inside. She approached the cabinet and was ready to throw hands. In a moment of sheer panic and instinctual reaction to years of fighting demons, I punched her in the face, not enough to truly do some damage (I can pack a mean punch) but enough to knock her out.

So now Venom is passed out on the floor and I'm feeling very guilty and Six is still inside the cabinet, I'm typing this with the speed of light.

Should I just tie her up???

So AITA??

AND WHAT DO I DO????

[bunnist4rz]

Scratches like a crack head angst.....i love angst....need more..... Sigh anyways I loved writing this my friend was in fact crying after reading this since I did put my blood sweat and tears into this :3 (sorry navy </3)

TW/CW : none,,, Choso x f!reader,, angst

"You're up early," Choso remarked, amusement lacing his voice as he spotted you by the kitchen counter, knife in hand and an intense expression on your face.

"Couldn't sleep," you murmured, not lifting your eyes from the vegetables you were slicing with practiced precision. The kitchen was softly illuminated by the early morning sun, casting a warm, golden glow across the room that contrasted with the nervous energy swirling in your gut. The silence between you two was heavy, filled with the weight of unspoken worries.

The aroma of the simmering stew filled the room, rich and comforting. You’d hoped that cooking, a familiar task, might ease the anxiety gnawing at your insides. But the smell only reminded you of the meals you’d shared with Choso—the quiet moments of peace you’d grown to cherish. Each bubble in the pot seemed to echo the fears that you couldn’t voice. Though the kitchen was warm, a cold dread crept down your spine.

Choso stepped closer, resting a gentle hand on your shoulder. "Don't worry," he said softly, "I'll be back soon." His gaze searched yours, as though trying to offer reassurance that he himself wasn’t entirely sure of. You nodded, the steady tap of the knife against the cutting board the only sound breaking the stillness. You both knew what the mission ahead entailed—the dangers, the risks. It wasn’t the first time, but every battle felt like it could be the last.

Time dragged on, the sun rising higher in the sky. You checked the clock again and again, the hands crawling in a slow, torturous tick-tock. The scent of food mingled with the faint traces of Choso’s cologne, still lingering from his early morning departure. Normally, the smell comforted you, but today it only deepened the knot in your chest. The silence felt suffocating, each second a stark reminder that he was still gone.

As the village around you stirred to life, you could hear the distant chatter of children playing, the steady rhythm of the blacksmith's hammer, and the occasional bark of a dog. Life continued outside, but inside, you felt frozen, locked in a moment that seemed endless. You stirred the stew, tasting the broth, adjusting the flavors, but every sound—every step—made your heart race, listening for the one person who wasn’t coming home.

Then, the door creaked open. You spun around, hope surging for a brief second—only to see your neighbor, Mrs. Shimizu, holding a loaf of freshly baked bread. She offered you a kind smile, but her eyes were laced with sympathy. "Still no word?" she asked gently. You shook your head, fighting the tremble in your voice. "They’re strong," she said softly. "They’ll be back." But her words felt empty, and doubt gnawed at you as the hours stretched on.

When Yuji finally appeared at your door, you knew. He stood there, disheveled, eyes red from exhaustion and something deeper. The spoon slipped from your fingers, clattering to the floor. He didn’t have to say anything, but when he did, his voice was a broken whisper. "I'm sorry."

Your world collapsed. "Where is he?" The words barely left your lips, trembling on the edge of panic.

Yuji looked down, avoiding your gaze. "Choso... he didn’t make it."

The room blurred as his words sank in. The warmth of the kitchen, the smell of the stew, the bright light from the windows—everything faded, swallowed by the cold emptiness filling your chest. You stumbled back, your hand reaching for the counter, but the knife slipped from your grip, hitting the floor with a sharp clang. The room spun, and your legs buckled beneath you.

Those words shattered you. Choso’s love had always been quiet but constant, a part of your everyday life that you had leaned on without realizing. Now it was an agonizing void, a loss too great to comprehend. You clung to Yuji, sobbing against him as the reality of life without Choso crashed down on you. Outside, the world carried on as if nothing had changed, but for you, everything had.

Yuji was at your side in an instant, catching you before you could collapse. He held you tightly, his presence the only thing anchoring you in a storm of grief. "He wanted me to tell you..." Yuji’s voice cracked, raw with emotion. "He said he loves you. And he’s sorry."

You sobbed into yujis shoulder, everything around you seeming to not matter anymore as you slipped deeper and deeper into despair as your beloved was truely gone from you forever. The stew on the stove still simmered, a symbol of the life and warmth you had shared.

In the depths of your grief, Choso’s voice echoed in your mind. "Keep living," he had said. "Even in the darkest times."

[dullgecko]

i think with how much of a disaster riz is, he's pretty used to not looking well. it's normal for him and no big deal. so what if his hands are uncontrollably shaky and his eyebags are deeper than the grand canyon? nothin new.

but on the rare occasion when he's ESPECIALLY stressed and been neglecting himself even more than usual for a very long time, and he looks even worse, it really startles him when he starts to notice just how unwell he looks. he's so dissociated he can't recognize his own face in the mirror, like he's never seen that guy before even though he knows it's him. his colouration is so frighteningly off. looking down at his own arms he finds his veins so much more visible than usual. he looks so sick and weak, and that uncanny-valley-ish sense sets in, like looking at a corpse. it's jarring to see it on your own skin.

it scares him so fucking bad. he's terrified of his own body. he can't bear to look at himself but at the same time he can't look away. and he knows now he HAS to recover if only so he doesn't have to see himself like this anymore, and in an intense panic he scrambles to put himself to bed, but how's he supposed to fall asleep when he can't resist checking himself again and making the panic worse? he's just incapable of calming down like this.

this is the only time he will ever actually ASK fig to cast sleep on him.

Riz had been alone since the second day of their break, school pausing for a week as a large percentage of their students went to visit family over the holiday. This particular holiday only coming around every ten years or so since it was tracked on the elven calendar rather than the Solesian one.

Fabian had kidnapped Adaine and taken her to Falinel to stay with his grandfather and celebrate since she didn't have any family of her own while the rest of the party had their own plans. Gorgug had even gotten into the spirit of the thing and had decided to spend the week with his birth parents whereas Fig was spending the week rotating between her rapidly growing roster of moms and dads. Riz only had a vague idea of where Kristen was in all this mess but he remembered her mentioning some missionary work in Sylvaire so it was probably that since he hadn't heard from her all week.

As it was Riz didn't really have any family he could visit easily, or safely, on his own. The hike up to where his father's horde lived in the Mountains of Chaos was dangerous. He couldn't even get his mom to join him since she would be in Bastion City for the next two weeks working.

So, lonely and without anyone to stop him, Riz had thrown himself head first into some extra credit rogue-classwork assignments to distract himself but it had ended up being harder than he expected.

Riz was stuck, hand balling into a fist as he thumped it against the desk in front of himself a few times as if that would make his homework make any sense. He still had a week to complete it before handing it in but he had other things he needed to do as well and it was driving him to madness.

Adaine might have been able to help him with this puzzle but crystal reception in Falinel was spotty at best. He couldn't even ask his other friends for help since none of them took the rogue classes with him. Gorgug had taken a look at it on the first day off before he also left for his holiday when Riz was stumped and just shrugged his shoulders, and he doubted Kristen or Fig would do much better. The worst part was he usually found this kind of thing easy and now he felt like he'd forgotten how to do something that should come naturally, like breathing.

He leaned his chair back and balanced on the back two legs, glaring at the ceiling and contemplating calling Gorgug again but he didn't want to interupt his visit to his birth parents house over something as stupid as homework. His break in his thinking giving his stomach an oportunity to voice its opionion on him ignoring it for so long, grumbling loudly and announcing that Riz was hungry and probably had been for a while at this point. The goblin clicking his tongue in annoyance and grabbing his crystal to check the time and finding that it had been nearly fourteen hours since he sat down to start working on this portion of the overly complicated cypher.

He usually didn't get that bad when he was working at home but, for the first time in a while, he didnt have anyone interupting him. His mom was usually the one checking on him so no one had noticed his spiraling and forced him to do normal things like eat or drink water or sleep. Hell, he'd been in so deep on this assignment that he hadn't even had coffee since yesterday some time. At least he THOUGHT it was yesterday anyway, what was today... Tuesday? No, Thursday, it was just past midnight.

Riz let the chair thump back forwards before pushing out and away from the desk. The act of standing making him feel like he was out of sync with his on body, like someone had shifted it two inches to the left and forgot to move his soul at the same time. The sudden change in his position also making the headache that was previously just an ignorable throbing flare into a sharp stabbing behind his eyes and crushing pressure along the top of his head. The combination of the two heralding a migraine that had been lying in wait ready to strike.

He'd felt this awful before many many times and knew it usually meant he'd gone too long without eating or drinking anything so he resolved to do just that. The goblin kicking the balled up pages of notebook paper he'd thrown on the floor in frustration out of the way as he head out of his room to the kitchen.

His hand was almost touching the handle of the fridge door when Riz caught sight of his reflection in the glass of their microwave. The rogue freezing as a familiar feeling of wrongness washed over him before he backpedalleed away. The goblin dropping into a partial crouch and hissing, claws ready since he wasn't armed, as he faced down the creature reflected in the glass. His mirror image actually moved with him properly though, Riz slowly standing back up and creeping closer to get a better look.

His reflection looked wrong, though the microwave door wasnt the best mirror. The colours were all thrown out of wack and surely he didn't look that bad. His plans to get food and something to drink were quickly forgotten, the rogue heading for his bathroom to check in a properly reflective surface instead.

Riz flicked the light on in his bathroom, winceing at how bright it was as he stood on the stool so he could reach the mirror. Almost recoiling at the face that stared back at him and bringing a hand up to touch his own cheek. He barely recognised himself, the bags under his eyes darker than he'd ever seen them in stark contrast to how pale he looked. The thin sliver of what was usually white around his iris completely bloodshot and his eyes so sunken it made him look like a corpse.

He looked half dead, Riz turning on the tap and splashing some water on his face to see if that would help. It didn't. There was still a dead man staring back at him when he looked in the mirror again. Riz felt a shiver run down his spine the uncannyness of barely being able to recognise his own reflection, the goblin hopping off the stool and heading back to the kitchen to attempt to get some food and water into his stomach. He didn't really feel like having much now but he knew he should at least try, and perhaps a nap was necessary as well.

One reheated frozen lasagne, several glasses of water and a shower later Riz finally flopped onto his bed. The rogue dragging himself to lie with his back pressed against the wall as he pulled out his crystal. There was still nothing in the group chat so he flicked over to his friends fantasy-grams, Fig's the only one to have updated this week due to the poor reception the others had but it showed that she would be spending some time in hell with her dad.

Once he ran out of things to scroll through Riz turned off the screen. The device getting deposited under his pillow next to his arcubus as he rolled over and tried to get some sleep.

His insomnia tended to make sleeping hard at the best of times but tonight it looked like it was on its best game. His thoughts still racing at a mile a minute as he tried to calm down enough to sleep. He kept thinking about the stupid cypher, then about how his friends were doing and wondering if they were having fun. The last thought making his chest hurt as he curled up smaller and balled up his fists.

He wanted to talk to them and see how they were going so badly. Goblins by nature were not solitary creatures and it was fucking lonely being by himself, but they all had important stuff they were doing so he didn't want to intrude. They all had family or important work they were doing and he just had... homework. Homework that was confusing him so badly that he'd apparently gone four days without anything to eat and barely anything to drink.

Riz lay in the dark of his room for hours, eyes screwed shut as he desperately tried to sleep while the same thoughts rotated around in his brain too loud to ignore. The headache caused by how tired he was paradoxically making it even harder to sleep because he was in so much pain.

The sun was up by the time he gave up trying to sleep, the goblin dragging himself out of bed after lying there awake for nearly five hours. Riz trudging to the kitchen wearily, digging through drawers until he found an almost empty box of sleeping tablets, and shaking the last four out onto his palm. If sleep wasn't going to happen he was going to fucking force it even if tablets made him feel jetlagged afterwards. Unfortunatly, despite another couple hours cocooned under his sheets, all the tablets did was make him feel groggy rather than knock him out.

His hand brushed against his crystal when he rolled over for the thousandth time trying to get comfortable, the device vibrating when it detected the movement to inform him there were notifications he'd missed. Riz groaning and sitting up to flick on his phone and see what they were, smiling a little since Fig seemed to be blowing up the group chat with the photos she'd taken with Gortholax down in the bottomless pit now that she was back on the material plain.

He flicked his thumb across the screen to scroll through them all, pressing on one to leave a like before pausing as a thought occured to him. He needed sleep badly and nothing seemed to be helping but he knew something that would work, HAD worked, every single time so far.

He exited out of the group chat, scrolling through his contacts to bring up just Figs number and typing out a quick text. Hesitating for just a second over the send button before clicking it and flopping back onto the bed to wait for a response.

//Hey! If you're back in Elmville do you think you can come over for a bit? I need help with something.//

His tail flicked backwards and forwards over the edge of the bed as he waited fir a response, arm draped over his eyes as he tried to dull the ever-present migrain that had been his companion for the last day and a half. Riz only shifting his arm away to look at his crystal when he felt it vibrate with a new notification.

//Sure dude! I'll be there soon.//

He didn't move again until he heard Fig knocking at the front door, Riz hefting himself off his matress and heading over to let her in. The goblin knew he must look awful by her reaction, the bard hissing air through her teeth as he gave her a little wave of greeting and stepped out of the way so she could enter.

"What the fuck Riz. You look horrible." She put the coffee's she'd picked up on the way over down on the counter, rounding on the goblin as he locked the door behind her. "When was the last time you slept properly?" "Friday night." Riz winced at how croaky his voice sounded, the goblin clearing his throat and crossing his arms over his chest.

"You so did not sleep yesterday, you look like someone has punched you in the face... twice." She waved a hand at him, obviously trying to point out the bags under his eyes that he knew were there. "Whatever you need help with can wait you need a nap." "Not yesterday... last friday." he ducked his head, squeezing his upper arms until his claws dug into the skin and wrapping his tail around his ankle. "I tried, I can't sleep. I wanted you to help."

"Wait." Fig gave him a confused look, crouching to pick Riz up under the arms and sit him on the counter so they were close to eye-level with eachother. The archdevil holding him by the shoulders as she spoke to him. "You don't want help with some mystery or case or anything... you want me to help you sleep?"

"Yeah." he leaned his head to the side so it was resting against her hand, ears giving a little flick as he reached up to grab her wrists and hold them there. "Sleep spell. Please."

"Holy shit. You're actually asking me to sleep spell you?" She put a hand to his forehead, Riz leaning into it and purring at the contact as he shut his eyes. "You haven't got a fever or anything, are you sick or something? Where's your mom?"

"Bastion city. Working with a client until next week." Riz headbutt her palm since it was still pressed against his forehead, tail giving a little flick against the counter and swiping the empty sleeping pill bottle onto the floor by accident.

He didn't catch Figs glance towards the bottle and the wide-eyed look she gave it since his eyes were shut, but he felt her push some of her magic into him which helped releive his headache somewhat.

"Did she know you were having issues sleeping when she left?"

"She's been gone since Saturday, and I always have issues sleeping. It's not a new development I have insomnia." Riz snorted and gave her an amused look, though his expression was met by one of concern and he quickly let his smile drop. "I'm serious Fig. You've knocked me out for less, why is it a big deal this time if I'm actually asking for it."

"Because you're alone." She poked him in the forehead, stepping away and hopping on one foot as she undid each of her boots and kicked them off near the door.

"Whaaaat are you doing?"

"I'm not knocking you out and leaving you unsupervised, we'll both take a nap." She took off her coat too, tossing it onto the kitchen table before scooping Riz up into her arms. The goblin getting carried over to the couch where Fig flopped down on her back with Riz cuddled against her front.

He didn't resist the manhandling, simply trying to move so he was in a less awkward position. Fig had a pretty good grip on him though, the bard grinning and squeezing him hard in a hug until he gave up and accepted his fate. Face taking on a little more color as he blushed, but he did have to admit that lying against her chest was very comfortable.

"Can I at least skoot backwards a bit if you're not going to let me go? Using your stomach as a pillow has to be less awkward than lying on your boobs."

"Ugh I'm hurt, you don't mind lying against Fabians boobs."

Riz just hissed at her by way of answer, making Fig laugh before shuffling them both around so they were on their side instead. Riz huffing and moving so his back was pressed against her as she spooned him against her front. "Better?"

"Mmm."

"Good. I'll set a timer okay? I'll put you to sleep and will wake you up in eight hours." She gave his hair a fond ruffle, Riz relaxing somewhat as he watched her concentrating the spell in her fingers in front of his face. The goblin only distantly feeling himself go completely limp when she pressed her hand against his forehead and he finally fell asleep.

[tippedarrows]

You know what speaks about Gabriel's character a lot too?

The fact that he was the Holder of the Amulet. Not Soren (the "leader"), not Ellegaard (the "responsible"), and we won't even talk about Magnus or Ivor.

They all agreed on giving the Amulet to Gabriel because he's the only one who everyone trusted.

What we can see through Ep1-4? Magnus and Ellegaard constantly fighting with each other and they both talks about how they didn't won't to visit Soren even though he did sent the invitations! Soren, meanwhile, is somewhat too scared to even greet them both properly, and he's too angry with Ivor.

But! Gabriel tells Jesse "Soren went missing long ago" means he doesn't know where the ginger is. Maybe Soren felt too ashamed writing to Gabriel? Maybe he couldn't look in the eyes to only member of the group who in fact could've been described as a Hero?

And still, in both scenarios Soren is more than happy to see Gabriel, unlike he is with Ellegaard &Magnus. When we choose Gabriel over Petra, first thing first Soren is worrying for Gabriel's state:

"You look terrible!"

"Terribly handsome?" (I love this old man, joking while you're dying oh gosh)

AND if Gabriel has amnesia, Soren is somehow upset and happy because at least now Gabriel doesn't remember what they all didn't, now Gabriel won't feel any shame because of it and he finally be a Hero he deserved to be! (And heartbroken face Soren has when Gabriel hears the truth)

The next fact is that doesn't matter who you choose, Ellegaard or Magnus, if Gabriel is with you, they hug each other without any thoughts. It's been years since they've seen each other and still it feels natural to hug, it feels normal, it feels needed.

And Ivor? Ivor is angry. He's angry because he knows Gabriel can do better. He knows Gabriel has everything he needs to be a Hero. He's brave (didn't run away like Ivor from WitherStorm), quickthinker (gave Amulet to Jesse knowing they will do what needed), willingly puts himself in danger to protect others (he tries to lead the group in the End even when he's sick) and much more! Ivor is angry because he knows Gabriel agreed to lie only because of his devotion to others (he's devoted to Ivor as well, but Ivor is alone and there's three of others). So Ivor comes to Gabriel not because he's the only one to be around people, but because he knows that with Gabriel he has at least a chance to change everything (sadly it didn't work out.)

The fact that Gabriel asks Jesse if he should tell the truth himself is only shows, how good he is! He could've just shut his mouth and no one Would remember about that? But no, he lost a friend because of their lies, and Jesse did as well. So he lets Jesse decide their fate.

Gabriel is the one who hold amulet, because he's the one who'll use it to help, not to hurt.

And when he gives it to Jesse, it means now Jesse is the one who hold the role of "devoted friend". We can see it through other Episodes!

The only reason Gabriel's tells Jesse that heroism stays above friends is because Gabriel doesn't want Jesse to end up in situation like he did. He doesn't want Jesse to become to devoted so he won't see who his friends turns into. Good new for you, Gabe, but his friends actually won't do anything, they're too kind! And you need to sent yours to therapy.

Oh.. oh god, I didn't expect this thing to be that long? I was rambling lol..

YES!!! SO MUCH GABRIEL ANALYSIS!!!! MOREEEEE!!!! I LOVE THSS!!!

[speyeralling-down-thy-majesty]

Today's the day. Today's the day, Amelie decides, gathering the courage. Today is finally the day they come out to their father and stop putting on the façade of a trophy.

It gets ready, making sure to give Willard extra attention, partially due to stalling and dragging everything out until it can't anymore. Partially because faer cat can see their stress and worries.

This can go so many ways,many of which are dangerously wrong,but it has to do it. The stress and denial is just not worth it anymore. The façade is cracking either way.

Unlike usual, instead of getting there through a door,it takes a taxi. Amelie needs the extra time to think things through. Unfortunately, getting to their father's office isn't a long ride and it's over before they can even relax in the slightest.

So they make their way, knocking quietly on the door with a slightly shaking hand.

“Please come in.”- faer father says, unaware of who is standing behind the door.

With a moment of hesitation,it enters the office,a slight smile on their face. It's aware it looks different,but they couldn't do it anymore. They were sick of dressing in pinks and dresses that felt suffocating. They were sick of seeing the same ginger hair as their father's.

James seems more than taken aback at the sight of his child standing there with bright blue hair and a purple velvet suit,so unlike the version he is used to.

“Alice? Is everything alright? You… look rather different today.”

He says the word as if it's bad. To him,it very well might be. He was always too worried about others' opinions about him, doing his best to blend in and not drive any attention towards his appearance. He loved saying how the nail that sticks out gets hammered in.

“I can assure you that I am feeling perfectly fine,no need to worry about me.”- they smile, sitting down in the chair in front of his desk.

“What's the matter with your appearance? Is this some sort of a joke?”

“About that… I have come to tell you something.”

Amelie breathes in, fidgeting with faer septum slightly. They avoid its father's eyes,scared of what they'll see in them. His disapproval might as well break them.

“Well then. Go on,Alice.”

Amelie takes a deep breath,feeling the scrutinising gaze on them. Will he take their words seriously? Only one way to find it out.

“Well,first off,please call me Amelie. I… I do not like being called Alice anymore. Second, my pronouns are they/them,so please do not call me a girl. I am non binary and aro ace. I am no longer willingly tolerating being misgendered,so please make sure to remember this.”

They rattle it out,scared of being interrupted. Amelie stills,waiting for a reaction. James seems to process this for a few minutes before breaking into an amused loud chuckle.

“Really,Alice? That is what you had to say? I almost thought you wanted to discuss serious matters. I told you several years ago,sweetie, you will forever stay my precious little girl.”

He gets up to pinch Amelie's cheek. Others would see it as a sign of affection,but to them,it was patronising. A confirmation that he will stubbornly refuse to acknowledge the change of his child.

"Are you sure your work is not stressing you out too much? Mayhaps you could benefit from a change?"

Their heart drops and shatters right beneath their feet,despair and anger slowly bubbling. What did they try for? It changed nothing. Might as well have made it worse. Should they accept this? Keep up the façade and let it slowly break them to pieces until fae can no longer function?

The words said by Outis and Jackson echo in their mind. Giving up means leaving them behind,and they could not do it. They couldn't let down their friends and let this defeat them.

So they make a choice.

[starry-bi-sky]

i need to get this out of my head before i continue clone^2 but danny being the first batkid. Like, standard procedure stuff: his parents and sister die, danny ends up with Vlad Masters. He drags him along to stereotypical galas and stuff; Danny is not having a good time.

He ends up going to one of the Wayne Galas being hosted ever since elusive Bruce Wayne has returned to Gotham. Vlad is crowing about having this opportunity as he's been wanting to sink his claws into the company for a long while now. Danny is too busy grieving to care what he wants.

And like most Galas, once Vlad is done showing him off to the other socialites and the like, he disappears. Off to a dark corner, or to one of the many balconies; doesn't matter. There he runs into said star of the show, Bruce who is still young, has been Batman for at least a year at this point, but still getting used to all these damn people and socializing. He's stepped off to hide for a few minutes before stepping back into the shark tank.

And he runs into a kid with circles under his eyes and a dull gleam in them. Familiar, like looking into a mirror.

Danny tries to excuse himself, he hasn't stopped crying since his parents died and it's been months. He rubs his eyes and stands up, and stumbles over a half-hearted apology to Mister Wayne. Some of Vlad's etiquette lessons kicking in.

Bruce is awkward, but he softens. "That's alright, lad," he says, pulling up some of that Brucie Wayne confidence, "I was just coming out here to get some fresh air."

There's a little pressing; Bruce asks who he's here with, Danny says, voice quiet and grief-stricken, that he's with his godfather Vlad Masters. Bruce asks him if he knows where he is, and Danny tells him he does. Bruce offers to leave, Danny tells him to do whatever he wants.

It ends with Bruce staying, standing off to the side with Danny in silence. Neither of them say a word, and Danny eventually leaves first in that same silence.

Bruce looks into Vlad Masters after everything is over, his interest piqued. He finds news about him taking in Danny Fenton: he looks into Danny Fenton. He finds news articles about his parents' deaths, their occupations, everything he can get his hands on.

At the next gala, he sees Danny again. And he looks the same as ever: quiet like a ghost, just as pale, and full of grief. Bruce sits in silence with him again for nearly ten minutes before he strikes a conversation.

"Do you like to do anything?"

Nothing. Just silence.

Bruce isn't quite sure what to do: comfort is not his forte, and Danny doesn't know him. He's smart enough to know that. So he starts talking about other things; anything he can think of that Brucie Wayne might say, that also wasn't inappropriate for a kid to hear.

Danny says nothing the entire time, and is again the first to leave.

Bruce watches from a distance as he intercts with Vlad Masters; how Vlad Masters interacts with him. He doesn't like what he sees: Vlad Masters keeps a hand on Danny's shoulder like one would hold onto the collar of a dog. He parades him around like a trophy he won.

And there are moments, when someone gets too close or when someone tries to shake Danny's hand, of deep possessiveness that flints over Vlad Masters' eyes. Like a dragon guarding a horde.

He plays the act of doting godfather well: but Bruce knows a liar when he sees one. Like recognizes like.

Danny is dull-eyed and blank faced the entire time; he looks miserable.

So Bruce tries to host more parties; if only so that he can talk to Danny alone. Vlad seems all too happy to attend, toting Danny along like a ribbon, and on the dot every hour, Danny slips away to somewhere to hide. Bruce appears twenty minutes later.

"I was looking into your godfather's company," he says one night, trying to think of more things to say. Some nights all they do is sit in silence. "Some of my shareholders were thinking of partnering up--"

"Don't."

He stops. Danny hardly says a word to him, he doesn't even look at him -- he's sitting on the ground, his head in his knees. Like he's trying to hide from the world. But he's looking, blue eyes piercing up at Bruce.

Bruce tilts his head, practiced puppy-like. "Pardon?"

"Don't." Danny says, strongly. "Don't make any deals with Vlad."

It's the most words Danny's spoken to him, and there's a look in his eyes like a candle finding its spark. Something hard. Bruce presses further, "And why is that?"

The spark flutters, and flushes out. Danny blinks like he's coming out of a trance, and slumps back into himself. "Just don't."

Bruce stares at him, thoughtful, before looking away. "Alright. I won't."

And they fall back into silence.

Danny, when he leaves, turns to look at Bruce, "I mean it." He says; soft like he's telling a secret, "Don't make any deals with him. Don't be alone with him. Don't work with him."

He's scampered away before Bruce can question him further.

(He never planned on working with Vlad Masters and his company; he's done his research. He's seen the misfortune. But nothing ever leads back to him. There's no evidence of anything. But Danny knows something.)

At their next meeting, Danny starts the conversation. It's new, and it's welcomed. He says, cutting through their five minute quiet, that he likes stars. And he doesn't like that he can't see them in Gotham.

Bruce hums in interest, and Danny continues talking. It's as if floodgates had been opened, and as Bruce takes a sip of his wine, it tastes like victory.

("Tucker told me once--") ("Tucker?") ("Oh-- uh, one of my best friends. He's a tech geek. We haven't talked in a while.")

(Danny shut down in his grief -- his friends are worried, but can't reach him. When he goes back to the manor with Vlad, he fishes out his phone and sends them a message.)

(They are ecstatic to hear from him.)

It all culminates until one day, when Danny is leaving to go back inside, that Bruce speaks up. "You know," He says, leaning against the railing. "The manor has many rooms; plenty of space for a guest."

The implication there, hidden between the lines. And Danny is smart, he looks at Bruce with a sharp glean in his eyes, and he nods. "Good to know."

The next time they see each other, Danny has something in his hands. "Can you hold onto something for me?" He asks.

When Bruce agrees, Danny places a pearl into his palm. or, at least, it's something that looks like a pearl. Because it's cold to the touch; sinking into Bruce's white silk gloves with ease and shimmering like an opal. It moves a little as it settles into his hand, and the moves like its full of liquid.

Bruce has never seen anything like it before, but he does know this; it's not human. "What is it?" He asks, and Danny looks uncomfortable.

"I can't tell you that." He says, shifting on his foot like he's scared of someone seeing it. "But please be careful with it. Treat it like it's extremely fragile."

When Bruce gets home, he puts it in an empty ring box and hides the box in the cave. He tries researching into what it is. he can't find anything concrete.

Everything comes to a head one day when Danny appears at the manor's doorstep one evening, soaking wet in the rain, and bleeding from the side.

[true-blue-sonic]

I think TSR played a big part in the "crybaby that wouldn't hurt a fly" perception of Silver. Silver in that game can't even comprehend other people's aggression. I think that combined with how meek and even fearful he's often drawn in IDW creates that impression of him(he cowers in fear at Blaze's flames and nervously holds her in Victory Garden and that isn't the only instance of him being frightened in that series)

About TSR, I definitely agree. Though, I looked into it more before to see if Silver would meekly let Lanolin scold him without talking back in IDW issue 63, and Silver actually does have good scenes in the English localisation! For example, he is shown at least twice to be right on Eggman's tail about what he is doing with Dodon Pa and the Ultimate Energy Engine, and even talks to Eggman once without immediately letting himself be shot down when Eggman insults him.

....But then the localisation put in that fucking Trash Talk Scene and UGH. I looked at the Japanese version, and especially Sonic is just so much more easier to bear there. The thing is, the essence of what the localisation seemed to want to convey in their conversation is absolutely there. Sonic is a bit teasing and competitive, Silver is somewhat awkward and cannot really convey what is bothering him. But Japanese!Sonic, you know, tells Silver multiple times to not worry. That they're friends who haven't seen each other in a while and that he thus would like to race with Silver because he enjoys it. He does joke a bit with Silver's worries, but when Silver expresses frustration he backtracks and goes right back to encouragement once more. None of that dumb "I'm gonna badly beat youuuuu" "I'm gonna make you look sillyyyyyy get your head in the gameeeee" "I'm gonna feed my car to youuuuu", and so on. That's not expressing happiness at being able to race with a friend who hasn't been around in a while, that's just being a smug jerk waving your self-confidence into someone's face who clearly is not interested. And then you continue ragging him on while he tries to talk about his worries, which you keep shooting down in favour of your bragging. Bah. One of English-TSR!Sonic's worst moments, imo. Not helped by Silver's altogether awful responses, like "I'm not hungry, but thanks", and not to mention the "I'm so gonna own you!" "Okay." from the racing start. Like Silv, bruh, you're constantly sneering at and mocking other racers on the track in multiple games, show some bite??? And, as seems to be happening with most of Silver's mischaracterisation by fandom, this one event gets cherrypicked to show that he's just Complete UwU Baby Who Cannot Trash Talk So Cute So Cinnamon Roll If You Look At Him Funny He'll Drown In His Own Tears.

....Yeah. Sigh. Even worse because he's got multiple good moments otherwise.

Anyway, onwards to my other current Silver-related dislike in the Sonic franchise, namely IDW! Because he can indeed be drawn strangely there, and definitely cowering like you said in your ask. Though, a Silver with huge starry eyes and shit when things go right for the heroes for a change is HELLA ooc as well. Give Tangle her stripes and tail back please :/

In my mind, Tangle was similarly starry-eyed in issue 9 as Silver in issue 26, but Silver is WORSE there. In what world is Silver more of a Manic Pixie Dream Genki Girl than Tangle???

And the annoying thing is that also in IDW he's got, in my opinion, great moments! The battle with Zomom in #28 is a no-nonsense, well-coordinated fight between Silver and Whisper wherein Silver can convey what he believes in when he gets jeered at, while showing off some slick psychic moves. In issue 30, Silver gets tons of moments to shine: he's a massive help in Sonic's attempt to reach the final Emerald with Metal Sonic on multiple fronts (carrying the Emeralds, using his powers to block the blows from that gigantic Zavok while not dropping them, getting to Sonic at the very last second so he can turn Super in time, etc.). And even if the Super battle against the gigantic Zavok goes by in mere seconds (which the comic lampshades itself), the scene wherein Sonic and Silver remove the Metal Virus from the world with Silver's PK is one I quite like as well. It shows further good coordination between Sonic and Silver, nobody is being a smug jerk, they know what they should do to save the world and do it smoothly. So also in IDW there are definitely moments to be found where Silver is just his IC self, where I would even go so far as to say that for a good 80% or so in issue 63 he is too.

...But, of course, people only look at the moments wherein he's Being Baby to support the fact that He Is Baby, so there's not a lot of people paying attention to those issues in favour of others that have him far more flanderised and dumb. For example, I quite like Victory Garden because I like the idea Silver would start a garden and seeing Blaze and Silver interact, but it doesn't give much respect for his powers (he can't even carry a bunch of equipment at once, or not slap himself right in the face with it?), throws in an obligatory It's No Use reference because Evan wrote this*, and adds some silly faces and poses here and there on him as well. And there you have it: uwu baby Silver! Not to mention the absolutely awful way Sonic treated him in issue 8, where I'd say the TSR conversation was actually bearable compared to that. Plus the fact Silver is just regularly drawn all throughout the comic as wide-eyed cute boyo in all sorts of goofy kid poses, to the point where Evan actually toned down some of her sketches for #8. (I believe there is a second example when he and Sonic first see Whisper, but Tumblr's search function is shit as always.) So yeah, both the art of IDW and the way Silver is written there tends to be on the meh side in my opinion and furthermore makes him a nice punching bag for everyone else, sigh, and those are the exact moments other fans seem to focus on for their idea of what Silver acts like in favour of actual more IC moments.

I do not know enough about what appears to be one of the root causes of this mischaracterisation of Silver: namely Archie, the stories of the various issues Silver was in, and the fandom's general mindset at the time. But I know enough to realise that Silver was just written plain awfully there, and it bothers me that Silver The Punching Bag (both by comic characters and writers alike, really) from that comic just seems to have gotten carried right over into IDW next. And now we indeed have fans see Silver as a massive cry-baby with half a braincell who won't be able to walk two steps without perishing from something, which is fine if that is how you want to portray him for your fanwork! But it is not what an IC Silver is like, yet especially the comics portray him like that too. I will readily say that Silver seems tough to get down because he's gotten a very 'dual' personality between rude determinist and friendly world-admirer, but the fandom, comic writers, and localisers alike focus far too heavily on that latter part and twist him into someone he simply is not. And since I like seeing both parts of that personality come into play and I do not like Silver being drawn like Tangle (wide-eyed, goofy, Silly Poses Of Enthusiasm) while displaying an altogether awfully unfitting personality (dumb, overly innocent with a complete lack of rudeness or smugness, constantly being set up to be mocked by other characters), I do not like how this characterisation is what has become so pervasive in the fandom's mindset, either.

[mangle-my-mind]

This week of the VG25 challenge is dedicated to That Far-Out Sound - the music!!! And I have a lot of thoughts and things to scream about, but for now, please accept MY COPY OF THE SOUNDTRACK SIGNED BY TODD HAYNES, CHRISTINE VACHON, MICKO WESTMORELAND, AND (FINALLY) EWAN MCGREGOR!!!

[franeridan]

focusing on that one panel of apoo being downright shocked and offended about the fact that law would help luffy since law's known for being ruthless and luffy's gonna be trouble for all supernovas in the future anyway to avoid thinking about the horrors