#he does have big ol peepers

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

ouagh Wallee.... so so happy he's a seventies boy. peak fashion

bonus:

[carlyraejepsans]

i love how you draw sans goshdangit you make him look so expressive with his minimal expressions. a few tips perhaps? i have a really cartoony simplistic style and i absolutely admire yours. its just so. Its so!! anyway your art is fantastic thank you for drawing and enjoying undertale

focus on the eyes. the mouth doesn't do anything in 99% of his headsprites. them big ol autistic peepers is where it's at

hey! HEY??? i said leave the mouth be. stop that. is he getting stabbed? then you don't need to do anything with it.

he's very round. squish up the bottom of his eyesockets to show that he's smiling smiling.

↑ still draw in his eyebags tho or he looks Wrong. trust me on this one

he has a big ass nose hole. don't forget about that. but if you stylize him more you can play with proportions a bit. rule of thumb: canon accurate style = teeth as tall as nose. more cartoony = the smaller the nose, the bigger the mouth AND eyes

you know his eye lights? fuck with them. make them bigger smaller brighter lights out change shape just go nuts.

he sweaty. dont forgeaty.

if you gotta emote with his mouth, leave the mouth itself alone and work around it. look here below

note how 99% of the emoting is done by the eyes/browbone simulating a pair of eyebrows. and where i do work on his mouth, he is still smiling anyway and it doesn't take away from the emotion? just crease up around it instead and it does the work

that's about it, hope it helps :]

[baratiddyappreciator]

Baki Cast Odd Habits

Ideas are bouncing around in my empty little noggin non-stop, so I'll keep writing them down for both your and my own enjoyment. Have some odd habits that the Baki cast have! I'll be making another post about habits that they all have towards each-other later on.

Baki:

The man stares. A lot. At everything and everyone. If he finds anything mildly interesting, everyone knows, because he'll be leaning over to stare at it, those big ol' peepers of his are wide open, and they see all.

He uses pens as drum sticks on his thigh whenever he gets bored and has more than one in his immediate reach. Does he actually know how to play drums? No, but would he be good at them? Probably.

If he can have a say in what channel the TV is turned to, it's absolutely to some nature documentary about bugs. Bro likes bugs, thinks they're neat as hell, and he'll always take the opportunity to learn more about them if that can potentially make him stronger.

Get this man a fidget toy and watch him just zone out completely. Were you saying something important? He certainly didn't notice, because he's been busy with this fidget cube for the past hour and a half staring at that one specific spot on the wall.

Smelling random shit. Seriously. If he gets bored enough, and there are enough things around him, he'll just pick them up and sniff them. Too big to pick up? He'll just lean in. It works great when you're grocery shopping, the man can pick the best fruits and veggies. Not so fun when it's, you know, an empty ceramic vase.

Kozue:

She chews on stuff, like, all the time. Gum, pens, her nails (she's trying to kick that habit don't @ her) or even mints. She's a heathen and she knows it, but that doesn't stop her from cracking a mint in half with her molars.

All those fun and weird hairstyles she did when she was younger? Yeah, that was a habit of hers too. She'd zone out while she was playing with her hair and wind up with some pretty interesting looks.

She plays with her clothes a lot too. She'll worry at the edges of her sleeves, or play with the hem of her shirt or jacket. She does it a lot even if she's not nervous, it's just a really stubborn habit of hers that doesn't stop. And it's not just her own clothes either. If she can, she'll start picking at Baki's shirts and sweaters too. All those little balls of fluff? They'll be gone by the time she's done.

That's another habit, picking at things that don't fit the established texture of an item. Is there a rough patch on her desk because the protective lacquer wore off? That patch is going to steadily get bigger and bigger because she'll pick at it.

She's picked up Baki's habit of smelling things, and it's something she catches herself doing all the time for no reason. He'll just hand her an apple and tell her to smell it, and she will, without question. Get this girl a candle collection.

Hanayama:

Destruction. That's a habit, right? Or would that be considered a hobby? He used to really like just destroying things with his grip strength as a child, and that has NOT changed in the slightest. It's less of a hobby now and more of just an outright habit.

He destroys, but he also makes things... Sometimes. He'll do it absent-mindedly, just tear an entire magazine apart just so he can twist it into little shapes and figures. Useless with a paintbrush, and also useless with any propter sculpting media, but just hand him a book or something and let him sit without entertainment for a few minutes and watch as he turns it into an art project that would make 14 year old you insane from jealousy.

Fixing little things here and there. Is that vase slightly skewed? He'll straighten it out. Same with that picture frame on the wall, and that carpet, and that stack of loose papers you meant to put away... Now that he's thinking about it, your entire bedroom is slightly off-center, and that's really bugging him.

Not knocking when he walks into a house. Like, ever. This man doesn't knock unless he absolutely has to, which is to say, if he's still able to walk on two feet and move his arms, he's not going to.

He folds towels in really particular ways. The tag needs to be facing a certain way, and it needs to be folded in a specific direction with a specific method... The man is really picky about his surroundings, he wants them to be nice.

Katsumi:

Before losing his arm, he absolutely used to bite his nails whenever he was spaced out. Both hands, he'd rip his nails off with his teeth then go in and clean them up later when he zoned back in. After losing his arm, he only ever bites the nails on his own hand. Retsu's hand gets taken care of meticulously.

He fixes his hair a lot. Like, a lot. Almost constantly unless he's fighting, he's tucking little stray hairs away so that he's all neat and clean. It applies for other people too, if he can get away with it. He definitely does it to Natsue all the time.

He stands weird as hell when it's just him and his boys. Not like, "oh, look at Katsumi, he's standing like he's never heard of posture before", nono, it's more like "what the hell are you doing?? How is that comfortable??" levels of standing weird. You ever just stood on one leg with the other one tucked up behind you? Take that and multiply it by ten.

He hums a lot. Not even particular tunes, he just hums to hum. If he's cooking, cleaning, in the shower, setting the table, anything. He's just making noises and vibing in his own little world until he remembers that he can actually just speak.

Jack:

He doesn't have a lot of super obvious habits, his mom was pretty strict on him, so if he used to bite his nails, that habit died out by the time he was like, ten for good. The only habit of his that has ever come back is his slouching, but that's more of an environmental thing at this point.

He cracks his joints a lot. There's a lot of pressure there, and he needs to relieve it somehow, otherwise he'd just be uncomfortable and stiff. Sounds like a gunshot whenever he cracks his neck, someone get this man a chiropractor.

He also has a habit of just... Staring at things. Not to the degree Baki does, where he's just blatantly looking at something. He's the opposite almost, where it's painfully obvious that he's not really looking at whatever he's staring at. Man stares straight into space quite a bit.

Diane instilled a lot of habits in him from her time in the military, so he always leaves his clothes folded neatly on the foot of his bed before he gets into the shower.

He touches his own scars a lot. Usually it's just him running a thumb over a scar on his arm when he has his arms crossed, but other times he'll rub at the scar on his throat, or the ones on either side of his face from when Pickle, you know, ate part of his face. He doesn't even realise that he does it, and if you point it out to him he'll get confused.

Kosho:

When he was younger he would pick at his nails a lot, but as he got older that habit turned into him picking at his cuticles, and then at whatever calluses formed on his hands from his training.

He also rubs at his scars, but it's something he's aware that he's doing, unlike Jack, who just doesn't process that he's doing it. Kosho has a favourite scar to rub at because it's just been there for so long that it's familiar now.

He likes to wander around and pick up little knick-knacks from around a room. Do you have a little model on your desk? He'll pick it up, look it over, then he'll put it back and move onto the next thing. His brother's office is a no-go for him because he'll make it even more of a mess than it already is.

Speaking of his brother, when they're having one of their genuine brotherly moments and not one of Kureha's smartass "I'm your big brother" moments, Kosho just starts to hip-check his older brother. Not hard, mind you, just a little bump, but it's something that he started doing when he was young and never stopped.

Kureha:

This man doesn't have many habits at all, and if he does, they're beneficial to him, because he's a petty bitch that way. He's legitimately trained himself to do these little habits so even when he's "at rest" he's still improving himself.

His worst habit, however, is when it comes to his laundry. Clean or dirty, this man puts off folding it for as long as physically possible by just ignoring its existence. Fresh load of laundry, straight out of the dryer that gets shoved right into his hands? It's like it doesn't exist, he just puts it down on the nearest surface and keeps going like it was never popped right into his grubby mits.

He used to toy with the ends of his hair a lot when he was little, but he's long grown out of that habit. If anything, now he'll just toy with a stethoscope or a pen if he has them handy.

Retsu:

This man has the most wholesome habits out there. If he starts to get bored, he doesn't immediately jump to training, he just goes for a walk. Is it kinda cloudy outside? That's fine, just go walk through a wooded area.

Hand him a flower and instead of picking at the petals, he just gently pets them. He doesn't want to damage the flower, it's just that they're so soft and delicate that he can't help but touch them and admire their natural beauty.

If a bug lands on him, he'll just sorta let it sit there and catch its breath for a minute. If it doesn't fly off on its own fast enough, he'll just take a small pause to set it down or gently blow it off of him so he doesn't crush it.

Can direct eye contact be a habit?? Because he makes it a habit to always look at the person talking to him and nod at least three times while they're talking so they know that he's listening. Direct eye contact, active listening, this man wants people to know that he's legitimately paying attention.

Doppo:

He stares at Natsue a lot. Give him the chance to sit and stare at his wife all day and he will. If he was a poet instead of a karateka, he'd write enough sonnets about her to fill the ocean with paper. He just thinks that she's beautiful.

Ever since he got his hand cut off, he rubs at his wrist occasionally. It's not like it hurts, no, the doctor did a good job putting it back on, but sometimes he just has to feel that little scar around his wrist.

We know where Katsumi got his habit of humming from, and it's this man right here. Walking around the house, cleaning the dojo, getting ready to do some early morning training, he'll just be humming along.

He developed a habit of fixing Katsumi's clothes and hair when he was younger, and that habit has kept around. If he notices that his son has a leaf on his shoulder or if his sweater drawstring is a bit loose, he'll just reach over and fix it.

Shibukawa:

He cleans his glasses a lot. Not even because they're that dirty, it's just a familiar, repetitive motion that he doesn't even realise he's doing most of the time.

He pats people a lot. Not to be demeaning or anything like that, he just does it. A quick pat on the hand or the arm, sometimes even a thigh if that's all he can reach. Just a small old person pat that they just do sometimes.

He reminds people of their youth quite a bit, and it's absolutely a habit by now. A lot of "Young man" and "youngster", but also a lot of "when I was your age" and "back when I was in my prime", even if it comes out of nowhere.

He absolutely fidgets with his fingers in his sleeves whenever he's just sitting there, chilling. It's probably something he picked up when he was younger, and he can't place where or when he started doing that, but he 100% does it.

!BONUS!

Tokugawa:

He absolutely has developed little habits with each of his fighters, he loves them so much, these men are fantastic and they all mean so much to him.

He absolutely brings little candies and snacks for Baki, even "sneaks" them to him in that little old person way of grabbing your hand and stuffing said snack into your palm. He can't help that he's so fond of his champion, who is incredibly food motivated.

He always calls Kozue "Little Miss" or "Little Lady" whenever he sees her, because while he knows she's not a fighter, and actually dislikes fighting as a whole, he does still appreciate that Baki has such a headstrong woman to take care of him.

He pats the taller fighters on the back of their calf when he walks past them so they know that he's there. He does it to Jack so often that he doesn't react to the touch itself, but if he glances down to see that it isn't Tokugawa he actually jumps a little.

He just lets himself get picked up and carried around by the fighters at this point. He's accepted that he's just small and light, and they mean it in as respectful a way as possible, they've all just gotten used to picking him up and walking off with him to go wait for a fight to start.

Definitely a social smoker, if he's sitting with Doppo and Gouki he'll light his pipe and have a little puff now and again, especially if they're having a few drinks.

[moghedien]

romancing Lae'zel and playing a character who would have very much considered fucking the Emperor does make this whole thing feel more like a love triangle than it is. like I rejected the tentacle man and then went to Hell to get the hammer and he's in my head telling me not to do that that he won't forgive me and won't help me if I go get the hammer and Lae'zel's just staring at me with her big ol' peepers begging me to go get the hammer and its just funny how that whole dynamic feels

[kokorodachidanii]

So about a month ago I jokingly suggested to @signor-signor that when all seems lost in WOY Season 3, that Captain Tim might ultimately be the one to save the universe from Star Force Enforcement Force...

... and got this real swell reply in response!!!

I was even more grateful than I probably should’ve been, and just HAD to return the favor!

So without further ado, here’s...

🌟WOY Season 3 Episode Ideas🌟

🌠General🌠

⭐The Coronation: Upon returning to Baaaa-halla, Prince Cashmere invites Wander, Sylvia, Something the So-and-So (because yes), and everybody else still on the Star Nomad (read: a LOT of secondary characters) to attend his coronation! But of course, it’s not a coronation without a little trouble...

⭐The Little Guy and the Party Animal: In Westley’s official S3 debut, Emperor Awesome attempts to take his mind off his trauma and get back into the swing of things by doing what he does best: Throwing an epic planet-ending party with his new pet by his side!! ... That is, unless Westley has anything to say about it! Sister episode to “The Awesome Pet” and takes place not too long after that episode.

⭐The Little Cousin: Something the So-and-So (whom btw I can totally see being crazy-allergic to arachnomorphs for various reasons) tries to thwart SFEF’s plans with help from his kid cousin, Whatzit. Sister episode “The Nap” is only 5 minutes long as this is 17 minutes.

⭐The Insurgency: The Insurgent Generals are on a mission to steal back the weapons that the Scuzzbuckets rightfully stole first, only to get ambushed by Cirno from Touhou Project a mischievous fairy named Mitzi Ditzy, a brainwashed ex-commander Inkers, and their army of Schmartians! The gang has absolutely no idea what this kid’s deal is, but her ability to predict Wild Card’s moves (something deemed impossible long, long ago) is definitely not a good sign!! Mitzi tragically manages to get Wild Card on her side in the end (but not before the latter says something along the lines of “Go falafel yourself”)...

⭐The Honesty Issues: Trudi Traveler finds a treasure map, prompting Ryder and Frederick to tag along on the perilous voyage to the “Mystical Crystal Isles”! Spoiler Alert: Those are fake islands. But at least Ryder would become a slightly more honest person, and we’d finally learn where Trudi’s clones come from!

⭐The Mahou Shōjo: Just as “The Robomechabotatron” was all about mecha anime, this episode parodies magical girls in a hilarious way! Wander, Sylvia, and a few others get into quite the dilly of a pickle during a run-in with SFEF. But luckily a magical-girl humanoid named Sakura Tsukino, AKA Super Smile Sweetheart-chan, is there to save the day!

⭐The Purpose: Having finally returned to his reborn home planet, Something the So-and-So sets out on an adventure with his girlfriend, the paper-bag groupie from The Cool Guy (Bow, as I like to call her, whom I can see having a similar voice to Marcia the Martian from Tiny Toon Adventures for some reason); only once he’s returned to his mother and cousin Whatzit (and gotten a big ol’ smooch from his bag-headed cutie) does Something realize his true calling: to become a Wanderer just like Wander, Sylvia, and Westley! At long last, Something the So-and-So has found his purpose in life.

⭐The Gift 3: Electric Chimpanzee: Sister episode to “The Purpose” and the penultimate episode of Season 3. With everybody returned to their reborn homes and the 365th Yuletidian Cycle right on their heels, Wander, Sylvia, Westley, Hubert the space ape (another great idea of signor’s), and Cabin Fairy Mitzi Ditzy travel all across the galaxy delivering gifts to every new friend they’ve made throughout Seasons 2 and 3 (of their lives), and perhaps even their old friends from Season 1! They soon run into some trouble, however...

🕷️Feat. Everyone’s Favorite Arachnomorph🕷️

⭐The Nap: When Peepers takes his pillow away for the laundry, Captain Tim desperately searches all over the Skullship for somewhere else to nap. Only 5 minutes long due to sister episode “The Little Cousin” being 17 minutes.

⭐The Mate: During “The Return to the Star Nomad/The Invasion”, Captain Tim was smitten with Baroness Samantha Riegel when Emperor Awesome brought her along for his part of the attack. Now, he will do anything to smooch her and have little arachno-babies with her, just like how Hater was with Dominator! Forget “Bros before Arachnos”, that Baroness is HOT! Now it’s just getting her to return Tim’s affections. (Spoiler: He fails.)

⭐The Arachno-Obsessor: Some weirdo named Erika Phobia shows up on the Skullship asking to see Captain Tim. Spoiler: She is Planet Janet levels of yandere for him.

⭐The Metamorphosis: Captain Tim has been acting weird, causing Hater to worry his big ol’ skull off, and even Ripov can’t figure out what’s wrong with him! But then Tim disappears altogether, leaving nothing but a strange big “croissant” in Hater’s room, which turns out to be a chrysalis. Once the titular metamorphosis is complete, Tim looks exactly the same, but has aquired some new abilities that will almost certainly come in handy later on!

⭐The Cure-All: Poor lil’ Tim-Tim fell into a deathlike coma at the hands of SFEF in the previous episode, leaving Hatey-bo-Batey a mopey, sobby bag o’ bones. But it just so happens that the lost-and-found guy knows of a legendary cure-all that can wake him up, so Hater drags Peepers, Wander, Sylvia, Major Threat, and Ripov to help him on the dangerous quest for the ingredients. By the time they return though, Tim has already awoken-- seemingly making the whole thing all for nothing!! But surely the cure-all can be used to treat Something else in a future episode... (The sister episode is only 5 minutes long as this is 17 minutes.)

🦹Feat. The Bad Guys🦹‍♀️

⭐The Awesome Pet: Emperor Awesome has a close encounter with a female arachnomorph (which are like twice the size of the males bc SPIDERS), but ends up naming her “Baroness Samantha Riegel (get it?)” and adopting her as a) his therapy pet, and b) to spite Hatey and Tim-Tim! Otmar Vunderbar, the therapist (who just so happens to be signor’s OC), is not amused. Sister episode to “The Little Guy and the Party Animal” and takes place not too long before that episode.

⭐The Curmudgeon: Mandrake the Malfeasant gets conned into taking an interpretive dance class, and things only get worse for him from there-- especially when the instructor’s true identity is revealed!

⭐The Fairy Tailspin: Sister episode to “The Psycho Sextet” and leaves off right where that episode begins. Mitzi Ditzy, her bad-commander-turned-good-guy-turned-bad-again-sargeant Inkers, their new tactican Wild Card, and the Schmartians show up to cause chaos for Dr Screwball Jones and signor’s other oc, Dingbat-- even managing to manipulate the former into becoming their lieutenant!

⭐The Psycho Sextet: Sister episode to “The Fairy Tailspin” and begins right where that episode left off. Mitzi Ditzy, her Schmartian army, Sargeant Inkers, Tactician Wild Card, and the newest recruit, Lieutenant Screwball, head out to get Kragthar and General McGuffin on their team-- and succeed! How will anyone stop this Psycho Sextet (which, according to Mitzi, she wanted to call her “Sinister Six” but couldn’t due to legal reasons)!? We’ll find out in the next episode... (The next episode being “The Return to the Star Nomad/The Invasion”)

👉The Bad Guys Gone Good Club Arc👈

⭐The Bad Guys Gone Good Club: Sister episode to “The Roommates” and begins right where that episode left off. Westley, Something the So-and-So, and Something’s little cousin Whatzit (who’s only tagging along because SOMEONE has to keep her pathetic cousin in line. That and she can’t stand that darn arachnomorph!) leave the Star Nomad so they don’t have to deal with Captain Tim every day for possibly months (that and they don’t want the bad guys to find out Westley’s alive). Westley, inspired by the photo strip of Wander and you-know-who, forms the titular reformed-villains’ club, recruiting Major Threat, his former commander Mr Inkers, Black Cube (who’s feeling down because Tracy had to leave for the weekend to attend her sister Macy’s wedding), Something’s girlfriend Bow (the bag girl from The Cool Guy), Freddy the fire lion, and an extremely reluctant Dominator. They even bring along some of the Star Nomad’s other passengers, such as Something’s mother (the one who knitted the sweater for his villain costume; Something’s father and Whatzit’s parents were presumably killed by Dombots), to help return them home quicker! Inspired by this sweet art from @fanfic-inator795

⭐The Mischievous Fairy: The Bad Guys Gone Good Club heads for the So-and-So family’s reborn homeworld to drop Mama So-and-So off, but they run into a big problem when they arrive... Let’s just say Mitzi Ditzy makes her debut with a whole herd of brainwashed Schmartians in tow. It ends with Mitzi managing to coerce Mr Inkers onto her side, but luckily Tracy is back from her sister Macy’s wedding to fill the space!

⭐The Littlest Fistfighter: The Bad Guys Gone Good Club befriends Jenny, the youngest and most timid fistfighter, who was left behind when Awesome left Suburbon V, and take her on a trip to Bestley V (where Wander and Sylvia met Westley) to cheer her up.

⭐The Civil War: With their newest member, Jenny the littlest fistfighter, in tow, the Bad Guys Gone Good Club arrives on a planet ravaged by an ongoing civil war. But with the power of friendship and a little help from Frank Van Yisuko (signor’s other OTHER oc), they manage to bring the planet to peace after 4728 years of its otter-like inhabitants-- who can’t even remember why they started fighting-- warring amongst themselves (but not before Dominator furiously ditches the club)! Sister episode “The Bug” is only 5 minutes long as this is 17 minutes.

⭐The Return to the Star Nomad: The Bad Guys Gone Good Club arc concludes as Westley and Something find out that the Skullship is repaired and Hater, Peepers, and Tim can thus finally leave the Star Nomad. But when they arrive, they discover the ship under attack from a gaggle of villains! (Poor Something is sneezing like crazy due to the presence of both Captain Tim and Baroness Samantha Riegel... poor guy) Sister episode to “The Invasion” and tells that episode’s story from the Bad Guys Gone Good Club’s POV, similar to “The Gift 2: The Giftening”.

💗Based on the fact that Craig himself mentioned that Hater and Wander were going to bunk together on the Star Nomad at some point💗

⭐The Roommates: Sister episode to “The Bad Guys Gone Good Club” and leaves off right where that episode begins. Due to the Skullship’s destruction in the previous episode, Hater, Peepers, and Captain Tim are forced to bunk with Wander, Sylvia, and Westley and the So-and-So cousins respectively. Needless to say, hilarity ensues.

⭐The Bug (AKA Tim ’n Buggy): A little Wander-looking bug runs loose on the Star Nomad, and Captain Tim is determined to catch it, leading to a series of Tom and Jerry-style chases! But we all know that in toons like this, the hunter never, EVER catches the prey!! Only 5 minutes long due to sister episode “The Civil War” being 17 minutes. Inspired by this adorable art from @alixcitement ^w^

⭐The Invasion: The Skullship has finally been repaired, and Hater and Peepers have had enough of living on the Star Nomad. But just when they’re all packed up and ready to go, all sorts of villains burst in to cause some serious mayhem! Emperor Awesome and Baroness Samantha Riegel, Lil’ Bits and her Troll buddy, Mandrake the Malfeasant, Sourdough, even Mitzi Ditzy, her Schmartian army, and her Psycho Sextet-- Mr Inkers, Wild Card, Screwball Jones, Kragthar, and General KFC Bucket! Will our heroes be able to defeat them all!? Well duh, of course they will. But it won’t be easy! (Mitzi would reform out of frustration at the end, snapping Inkers and the others back to normal, and end up atoning for her mischief by working as a cabin girl for the Star Nomad idk) The Bad Guys Gone Good Club shows up too, and Hater and even Peepers mistake Westley for a ghost! Sister episode to “The Return to the Star Nomad” and tells that episode’s story from the Main Four’s POV, similar to “The Gift”.

I love how hardly any of these have anything to do with Star Force Enforcement Force (^^”)

I hope you likey ♥️❤️💗❤️♥️

Bonus:

[shitty17]

Rating every Gordon Freeman

Half life 1 gordon

Beloved and classic. Cannot beat the original! You gotta respect your roots. The man who started it all. He’s a tough quiet little redhead with a fun little pony tail. Fascinating design choices lead him to be a regular blank slate character who you can still pick out of the mass of similar ones by his iconic goatee and glasses. The early 90s art did a good job of showing you “this isn’t a giant beast of a killer man, this is your 40 something geometry teacher in a microwave with a gun” and that set the WHOLE precedent for Gordon’s character for me. The glasses, goatee, and defined cheek lines that seemed to be in every half life model at the time age him a touch more than 27, but if you stare at him long enough you can believe it. Plus, not a lot of detail to glean from a low poly model anyhow. His expression shows him as cool, level headed, and focused. He’s so fucking ORANGE holy shit. This is our very first Gordon! The fucking sexy SNATCHED little waist and chicken neck give him extra points for being a shitty little skinny legend. The metal diaper and looking like he’s about to give me detention because I spoke too loud in class docks tho.

9/10 Beloved classic Gordon who’s flaws can easily be waved away with “it was our first try”, and yet also make him a fun original stand out character.

Half life 2 Gordon

He is no longer my pain in the ass highschool teacher, he is now my bitchy gay college TA who rolls his eyes when the professor says some dumb shit and looks WAY too much like House MD if you get too close. Props for consistencey, this really is just a dolled up version of low poly Gordon. Still got his heavy brow and aged face creases so he looks more like a 30 something dad than a 27 y/o scientist, but that can be blamed on all the stress. Hes got bigger prettier eyes now. He’s still remaining cool and focused, but he’s getting upset. He’s getting distracted. He’s had enough already. And yet, he still finds it in himself to keep going. The new HEV is a VERY sexy little upgrade, maintaining core features such as keeping that waist cinched, and supporting his skinny chicken neck. Finally got RID of that diaper and replaced it with a stylish yet flirty dragon underbelly scale set. It do kinda give the vibe that his dick out tho, which is both hilarious and also pretty ballsy, pun not intended. The colors are not so orange now, which is good! Balanced it out with a lot of grey. Makes him easier to look at, but a little easier to glaze over. Everyone from my generation will know Gordon Freeman by these images, they’re iconic. A good medium between “a regular guy” and “rough tough white mchandsome fps protagonist”. Hairs a lil more of a pretty chestnut brown and still got that nice warm red tone to it. I can’t tell if these images are so iconic that it’s seen as the norm, or if I’ve seen this guys face so much that I’m used to it by now, but he does give off “just kinda of a mediocre guy design wise”. I like that about him. Gordon Freeman just being a regular dude is huge and important to his character. He’s been upgraded to be sleeker and cooler and that’s got him serious traction amongst fans but he falls a bit more to the “generic badass” bin with this. Still, a lot to love.

8/10: Brilliant, iconic, handsome, sleek, and cool to look at, but making him easy to sell action figures of detracts from his character. An upgrade visually but has yet to convince me that he really is as cool as he looks.

Half-life: Alyx

Sweet holy mother of Jesus Christ our lord.

Like. Where do I start. Okay I’ll start with the obvious. He’s cute now. He’s super fucking cute now. He no longer looks like Walter white. He looks like a young man. He looks like a barista you would get at Starbucks who’s voice has deepened from 5 years of T and he tells you to “have a nice day :)” in the sweetest of tones and you really do have a nice day because of it. He’s got big ole peepers now. His old man wrinkles have smoothed out. He’s got noticable birthmarks and freckles. His cranium is regular sized now instead of cartoonishly massive, making his hairline look less like it’s receding.

But also? The most important part? Even when he looks angry, even when he puts back on the cool focused serious look? Even when he tries to put on his classic badass look? It’s not convincing anyone any more. We know now. We know this is just a young man in a HEV suit. He’s not indestructible, he’s scared. Look at him. He clings to these weapons because they’re the only thing stopping everything else in the world from killing him. His brows are furrowed not because he’s pissed with blind rage, but because he has to focus and think and be careful or else he will get dropped. He’s hurt. He has taken damage to his suit. He is not indestructible unstoppable badass or the idol of freedom he’s been made out to be, he’s been sold as. This is a man. This is your friend. He needs your help as much as you need his. This in particular reflects the plight of society nowadays. In 2020, we have less and less faith in our governments and ruling classes, and the only faith we have left is feeling vulnerable and asking for help. This Gordon is relatable. This Gordon shows pain. This Gordon needs his family as much as they need him. This Gordon is being pushed too far, but he still says he can take it. This Gordon is way more badass.

They fucking nailed it. They made a perfect Gordon Freeman. I straight up could look at this dude for hours. He’s so cute I need to give him a bowl of soup and a kiss.

10/10. Unreal.

Bonus!

10000/10 if you squint Lamarrs eyes can look like Gordon’s eyebrows.

[sisterdragonwithfeathers]

Tell me about the scarf you drew Peepers in!!! How does it protect him?

I was wondering if anyone would pick up on that!

Originally, I just drew him with a big oversized scarf because I thought it looked cute cool, and it saved me from having to figure out how to attach his head to his body in my style without it looking off (every time I tried to draw a neck on any watchdog, it wouldn’t look right, so I fell back on turtlenecks and scarves).

But then I thought, Wait, what if watchdogs’ heads just...floated above their bodies like so?

Then along those same lines I thought, And what if there’s an invisible energy field of sorts that connects their heads to their bodies? That seems like it could be a vulnerable spot... so what if they wore reinforced scarves/collars to protect it??

And thus why my watchdogs all have turtlenecks on their uniforms, and Peepers has a big ‘ol scarf. I also figured if he had kids, he would try and give them all protective scarves as well, even if they didn’t really need them.

Thanks so much for asking!

[shirtlesssammy]

1x18: Something Wicked

Then:

After this they toss the ball around like old times

Now:

Fitchburg, WI

When I first started watching this show, I found great delight in all the locations the Winchesters visited that I recognized. I also laughed at how much these locations didn’t look a thing like the real place. 

We begin this episode with a little girl saying her prayers. Her dad tucks her in, and she asks about her mom. She’ll be staying the night at the hospital with the little girl’s sister. 

Later that night, the little girl sits up listening to the wind beat tree branches against her window. One of the branches turns into a hand that opens her window. A shadowy figure creeps across the room ---and a Deatheater scares the girl into a comatose state. 

Sam and Dean are on the hunt since John is TOO LAME AND PETTY AND MEAN to go himself. Sam swears there’s nothing on their radar, but Dean insists they check it out. 

(This episode gets pretty dark when it comes to John and Dean so we’ll try to add lots of pretty pictures to help with the pain.)

For Side Profile Science:

The boys pull into the nice rural town of Fitchberg Fitchburg, WI, not the more urban suburb of the state’s capital. 

They ask around about anything weird in town ---just the freemasons being sneaky again. (Flashes of Hot Fuzz). Sam then notices that there are no kids at the school playground at 4 in the afternoon. 

Dean heads over to talk to Hannah a mother who tells him about kids falling sick in town, and parents getting anxious over it. 

Dean and Bikini Inspector/CDC doctor Sam head to the hospital. 

For Bikini Inspector Science:

They head to the pediatric ward. Dean notices an old woman who decorates her room with an upside down cross (way to play with our ingrained bias of ageism and sexism show!) 

Dr. Hydeker explains that 6 children are sick with pneumonia so far, and their bodies are just shutting down. They won’t respond to antibiotics or anything. 

This disease works its way through families, one child after another. None of the children are conscious. They interview the father of Mary and Bethany. He mentions that they think they caught this from an open window. 

Sam and Dean wonder what opened the window and go to the house to check it out. Initially, they find nothing, but then Sam notices one WACKY handprint. “What the hell leaves a handprint like that?” Sam wonders. 

*RAGE Flashback Alert*

John’s heading out on a hunt and he’s giving young Dean instructions. Then he scolds his 9 year old son to pay attention. 

Dean recites John’s fatherly advice: “Shoot first, ask questions later.” before John takes off. I love how he bullies Dean into being an adult here, and doesn’t even acknowledge Sam at all when he leaves. 

Present day, Dean tells Sam that he knows why they’re in Fitchburg. John’s faced this monster in the past, and he wants them to finish it.

When they pull into their motel for the night, Sam asks what a shtriga is. Dean thinks it’s a witch of some sort. John faced one over 15 years ago in Wisconsin, and now it appears to be back. 

Dean heads inside to get a room for them. He’s greeted with a surly 10 year old hotel proprietor. Well, the son of the real hotel manager. Dean can’t decide to be upset with the kid questioning his sexuality or soft for the kid who clearly has a great responsibility taking care of his younger brother. The mom helps Dean get a room. 

While Dean gets checked in, he has another flashback. 

*Scabetti-os Flashback Alert*

Dean’s feeding Sam his dinner. Sam’s sick of the same old food. He wants Lucky Charms, but there’s only one bowl left, and Dean needs to eat too. Sam throws on his baby-puppy dog look and Dean throws away the spaghetti-os and let’s Sam eat the cereal. It BREAKS me that this child has to think rationally and maturely to feed his younger brother, but he’s JUST A KID so he throws the pasta away in anger instead of eating it himself. 

For One Day Sam Won’t Touch Sugar Cereal Science:

Sam does his research and discovers more about shtriga. They feed off of spiritus vitae --or breath of life. Sam says they prefer children and they’re invulnerable to everything. Dean corrects him and says that they’re vulnerable when they feed. 

Sam continues that this monster takes the form of a human when it’s not feeding --generally an old woman. Dean remembers the woman from the hospital. 

They head to the hospital, ready to do their worst to the old lady. 

A nice jump scare that gets me every time reveals that she’s just an old woman. She demands they fix the crucifix that fell on her wall --so it wasn’t supposed to be upside down. WINCHESTER BAD. 

At the motel, Michael and his little brother sleep peacefully. A shadowy hand creeps across the window and opens it.

The next morning the Winchesters return to the motel. Dean notices Michael moping outside the office. It turns out that Asher is very sick and just got shipped to the hospital. The window was unlatched, and Michael blames himself for not protecting his younger brother. Dean “Guilt Spiral” Winchester tries to help him avoid lifelong trauma by telling him that it isn’t his fault. Excuse me while I WEEP A SINGLE TEAR!

Dean gives the mom a lift to the hospital while Michael stays behind. Sam heads to the library, where I am forced ONCE AGAIN to include a picture of a Winchester rocking a microfiche machine. 

For (This Joke Will Never Die) Library Science:

Sam fills Dean in on a string of child deaths tied to a mysterious pneumonia-like illness. The Fitchburg body count is just getting started. Sam finds a newspaper photo from the 1890’s featuring the very same doctor who is caring for the pediatric patients today. Dean, still at the hospital, puts on his murder face. Doctor Hydecker is IN THAT VERY ROOM looking over Asher. He asks Dean what the CDC has uncovered so far. Um. Nothing? Except a big ol’ liar and murderer. 

Back at the motel, Dean fills Sam in on the hospital encounter with Hydecker. He didn’t attack the doctor at the hospital because a shtriga is only vulnerable when feeding. Also - more importantly - he didn’t have his guns on him. Dean plans to catch the shtriga in action that very night...when it returns to feed on Michael.

Sam’s horrified by this plan, but Dean insists that the end justifies the means. After all, their dad sent Dean to Fitchburg to clean up the hunt he botched...WHEN HE WAS JUST A KID. 

Dean explains: years ago John Winchester left Sam and Dean alone in a motel room in Fort Douglas, Wisconsin. A few nights into John’s absence, Dean leaves the room (with Sam asleep) so he can play arcade games at a local tavern. When he returns, there’s a terrifying spectre hovering over Sam.

Dean calmly picks up the shotgun(!!!) his father left him, only for John to shout Dean out of the way. John blasts the heck out of the shtriga and then moves to cradle Sam (who is fine, don’t worry bbys). 

Dean explains that he just left for a little bit! (A few hours and not, like, THREE DAYS, AMIRITE?) John’s pissed at Dean for failing to parent Sam properly. After the failed attack, John dropped Sam and Dean off at Pastor Jim’s. “Dad never spoke about it again. I didn’t ask. But he, uh… He looked at me different. You know? Which was worse. Not that I blame him. He gave me an order and I didn’t listen.”

Sam tries to convince Dean that he was just a kid and not responsible, but Dean “Guilt is Ninety Percent of My Personality” Winchester refuses to listen. John sent them this hunt as a personal message to DEAN. (Pardon me while I step outside and kick the shit out of John Winchester.) ANYWHO, Dean’s going to kill the shtriga any way he can...so young Michael gets to be bait. They head over to talk to Michael.

Dean and Sam try to convince Michael to let them watch over him while he sleeps????? Lordy lord lord. Dean tries to convince Michael that monsters are real. Only, Michael doesn’t need much convincing. He saw the monster when it attacked his brother. (Side note: I give the person filming Jensen in this episode a Major Award.)

Michael decides to sign on for the hunt on the chance that it might save Asher. Big brother club FTW! The Winchesters set up a nanny cam, instruct Michael to hide under the bed when they burst into the room, and get ready for the shtriga’s arrival. Dean tells Michael that he doesn’t have to be bait and he “won’t be mad” if he wants out after all. (I stroke Dean’s cheek and whisper, “Still beautiful, still Dean Winchester.”) But Michael’s all in if it means helping his brother.

The shtriga arrives for its murder appointment and the window slides open. The shtriga leans down in classic dementor mode to feed on a completely wide awake Michael, when the Winchesters burst in and start firing. The shtriga goes down like a trick target at a carnival, but it isn’t dead yet! (Only mostly dead.) It attacks Dean and then, symbolically, attacks Sam. While it begins to feed on Sam, Dean fires off one perfect shot into the shtriga’s forehead, killing it. “You okay, little brother?” Dean asks, also SYMBOLICALLY. 

Tiny, life-force soul bits float out of the dying shtriga’s mouth, on their way to reinhabit all the sick children in town. 

The next day, the Winchesters prepare to leave town. All the kids are on the road to recovery, and Michael gets ready to head off to visit his brother. (YAY!) 

Sam takes a turn for the morose and mourns the fact that Michael knows monsters are real now. Dean “I’m Your Parent” Winchester tells Sam that he wishes he could have ensured that innocence for Sam as well. They drive off in a swirling cloud of Winchester angst. 

Live, from Fitchquote, Wisconsin:

I'm the oldest, which means I'm always right

I was sleeping with my peepers open

You were just a kid

Sometimes nightmares are real

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[theangrypokemaniac]

its fine if you dont like alola but can you not make incest jokes?

I'm not joking. I'm serious.

Alola, or, as I prefer, La Boca del Infierno, ain't all sunshine and smiles as it pretends. Beneath that plastic exterior lies true darkness.

What am I meant to think when I see this?

There's swimming pools bigger than the gene pools down their way!

Although described as 'twins', it's really triplets, but Lana suffers a prematurely ageing growth abnormality.

Children I expect to bear a similarity to their parents, but the moms 'n' dads ain't meant to look like each other!

Everyone here has blue barnets and Inside-Out Eye, where the pupil's the white and the white's the pupil.

Sight defects are notorious in the 'close-knit' communities.

Each insists on hair decoration, but it's almost part of their heads, which you can call bad animation or deformity resulting from too much intermarriage.

Momma's 'thing' just resembles lumps.

It's them space ticks at it again.

Even the hedgehog is round in this house, which may imply he's an illegitimate offspring of one of 'em.

What about inbreeding suggests practitioners won't stoop to even greater infamy?

Stufful's dad never arrived did he?

Funny that, and a bachelor like Oakie-Dokie residing nearby knew nothing about it.

All that bathing in Cuprenol does terrible things to a man.

Ever wondered what'd go down in the marriage of Tweedledum and Tweedledee? Well here you are, yer deviant.

A pair of pudding-faced, gormless Cabbage Patch Dolls, each with snouts, black button eyes and glandular issues, and they don't share DNA even when they do?

Oh yes, Lusamine met a total stranger also possessing her lime pies and effusive mane of unruly, ice-blonde slats.

Total coincidence there.

He came to Alola, he says. On a prison ship.

It's just one head in triplicate!

Oversized an' all: sure sign of genetic tomfoolery.

Dot Nose, Bridge Nose, Fish Eye: bloody serious case we have on our hands.

Now you understand why she failed to remarry: no other brothers cuts yer options ter nil.

Incest is of course, relative.

Whatever dæmon they worship, some are more pious about it than their fellow perverts.

The more dedicated the believer, the greater insistence on keeping things running in the family.

They'll show off their interwoven connections to the neighbours in a smug game of one-upmanship.

The more lapsed follower will tolerate copulation with distant kin.

These sinners are naturally despised and forced into menial labour, whereas the fanatics just so happen to be rolling in wealth.

Consider:

• Lana's family get by on a fisherman's salary, apparently.

Yeah, yeah, as if the state doesn't have to subsidise their medical bills.

• Sophocles don't go hungry, he has a lab, a giant hamster wheel, a portable hologram in a Pikachu, and he's so rich he not only had the roof fixed, but can move down the road in the meantime.

Oi! The rest of us get by putting a bucket under the leak!

• Lillie has every material possession possible, but no spine or company.

Oh the irony that top sickos should be so resistant to the lure of family obligation.

Hey, yer didn't say that earlier!

• Lusamine is fawned upon for her pwehshush research to the extent she can abandon her children, turning her daughter into a nervous wreck and her son a moody, absent drifter, and it's up to them to understand her work comes first.

• Mohn (by name and nature) fannied about with worm holes until he got sucked off by another dimension.

What did yer think would happen?

Yet on his return, is he knocked on his arse as he deserves?

No, because of incest privileges. The in-group take care of their own, and worse.

Mallow's mater and pater both share hair, thick brows and close-together peepers of murky green.

The contrast in noses suggests something lesser than siblings, but then again other differing aspects are forgivable.

She is of a lighter pallor, being dead, and wanting an open coffin, had a shave beforehand, which is a frightening nod to morality.

Woman, are you ashamed of our love?

Well Abe went along with it, thus is also culpable of this grotesque bristle denial.

Being unclean, he's gotta cook the dinner.

And this lot milk the cows.

On the surface, Kiawe's old 'uns aren't identical. You might think some heretical decency has finally sneaked in under the oppressive Alola regime, but it ain't that simple.

These people pray to a volcano as if an earthbound deity, so are nutters.

One aspect you must remember:

Ol' Granpappy the Island Kakuna, i.e. a dried-up chrysalis.

'Cause Pappy got Momma's tufts...

And Dadda's humourless mouth, oblong head, straight-line nose, rectangular eyes and pin pupils.

Well that's not how it's s'posed to go!

I'm thinking Granpappy, as one of them there Kakunas, is in a position of power high enough that he's able to wilfully flaut the laws he imposes on others, like how popes had kids in the Good Old Days and no one took a blind bit o' notice.

He's a rebel I tells yer.

He don't play by the rules.

No sister-wife for him.

Not when he's got a sexy cousin a-waitin'.

A little bit of new blood's crept in, disgracefully so, that's why the whole lot's punished by living near an active volcano.

Surrender 'em to the flames!

Kiawe makes such a big deal about Pappy, and sod the other three grandparents.

Except he only had two!

What is the explanation?

1. Bone-idle writing team.

Character design is foundational stuff. If yer can't even be arsed to do that properly, nothing you do is worthwhile.

I mean, come on, repeating the same model that blatantly?

Halfwits so limited in imagination shouldn't be working in any creative industries.

I blame modern diets.

A whole generation's grown up timid and risk averse because they were taught to fear E. numbers as kids.

I make it a rule to suspect any sod unaware of the joy of a blue tongue.

They've never lived, man!

Where did you think it'll end when dangerous, pretend edibles like houmous, avocados and quinoa replace the wholesome, nourishing fare of biscuits, cake and crisps?

Stop toying with the fundamental principles of the universe!

The mess of the modern era screams systematic abuse of too much kale and not enough sugar.

2. Incest

Alola is extremely insular.

It's implied to be a tourist destination, but no amount of degenerate outside influence appears to have diluted the weird customs it still upholds.

They didn't even think of starting a League until Ash turned up with all his wild exoticism, and why's that?

A. Inbreeding has destroyed their capability for innovation.

B. Many thousands of years ago, Alola got well annoyed its dirty habits weren't exactly catching on as it strove to spread the Satanic message.

Thoroughly confounded in its plans for world conquest, Alola shut itself off in a purification ritual, which is why later developments popular  elsewhere, such as replacing beasts of burden with machines, never caught on.

3. Alola isn't Hawaii, it's a combination of Australia, a penal colony, and Crete, where lived the lepers.

Specifically it's a dumping ground for all the regions' sex offenders to keep their own societies clean.

Of course, the guilty took their nearest and dearest along too, since they were on the receiving end, and loved it.

This explains the large amount of foreign Pokémon, since the owners are also from abroad.

Now I think 'anging's too good for 'em, but these wet-willy countries insist on storing up trouble for themselves, for if cinema has taught us anything, it is that mutants will always escape.

Nature finds a way, however abominable.

Since so many on Tumblr simply love Alola, they aren't about to admit the slightest weakness in the creators' abilities.

Therefore, incest is the acceptable answer to all and sundry.

[darks-ink]

Forgive Me (Not)

Rating: K+ / Gen Warnings: None Genre: Friendship, Hurt/Comfort Words: 2,604 Relationships: Matt Murdock & Franklin “Foggy” Nelson (platonic - friendship) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Identity Reveal (sort of), Roommate era

Summary: Matt keeps apologizing, over and over, and he's so serious, so guilty, and Foggy can't help but worry that he's going to have to help a blind man hide a body.

[AO3] [FFn]

---

“Foggy,” Matt says, quiet like he hopes that Foggy wouldn’t hear it. Quiet like he hadn’t quite intended to speak up.

“Yeah?” Foggy replies anyway, pausing with his packing to face Matt. “What’s up, buddy?”

“I…” He pauses, and yeah, Foggy thinks, Matt definitely hadn’t planned this out quite yet. “Um.”

“Take your time,” he assures, turning back to his packing. “But whatever it is, you know you can always tell me, right?”

“Right,” Matt echoes. Foggy hears him take a deep breath, like he’s trying to summon his courage. For what, Foggy honestly wouldn’t know. He can’t remember ever seeing Matt so nervous—not even for any of the exams they’ve done.

“I’m sorry,” Matt says, now, and Foggy’s heart skips a beat because he sounds… so, so serious, and so, so guilty.

Foggy’s hands still over his half-packed bags. His heart thumps away, too fast. He can’t imagine anything Matt might be sorry for. Nothing that would involve such guilt.

“For what?” he asks when he manages to untangle his tongue. He’s sweating, but that’s normal, right? It’s summer. It has nothing to do with… this. Whatever this is.

He hears Matt shift behind him. “I’m sorry,” he says again, like repeating it makes it any more clear what, exactly, he’s sorry about. “If you want to switch dorms after this… I understand.”

That was literally the opposite of an explanation, Murdock. Now Foggy just has more questions.

Foggy sighs, puts down the shirt he’d been holding for at least five minutes by now. Matt is sitting on his own bed, curled in tight. The line of his shoulders says ‘guilty’ as much as his tone did.

Foggy wants to joke, wants to lighten the mood, but he doesn’t know how.

“After what, man? You haven’t even told me what you’re sorry for.” He tries to keep his tone light, but his heart is loud in his chest, and he can’t hear if he succeeded.

At least he won’t have to worry about smoothing out his facial expression, he thinks, and then immediately feels guilty for drawing even the slightest comfort from Matt’s blindness.

Matt is not looking at him. Or, well. Turning towards him. Remains hunched over, playing with the legs of his glasses.

“Matt, man, don’t leave me hanging like this,” Foggy prods. “You can’t tell me I’m gonna be upset about something and then not tell me. I just said you can tell me anything.”

“I…” Finally, some progress. He’s not upset, not really, and whatever Matt’s big secret is, Foggy is sure he can handle it. But Matt is… a little emotionally constipated. “I’m sorry.”

Foggy stomps down the desire to groan, but he’s so, so close.

He fixes his roommate with an unimpressed look, though, hoping that it’s powerful enough for Matt to notice. And, somehow, he does. Turns slightly towards Foggy, eyes turned down and refusing to meet his gaze even if he could.

“Matt,” he says, like the other man will be any more forthcoming this time than the previous three times. His heartbeat is too loud and too fast. “Seriously, whatever it is, there’s no way it’s as big of a deal as you’re making it.”

“I,” Matt repeats once more, and Foggy braces himself for another ‘I’m sorry’. “I have heightened senses.”

Foggy jerks his head, feels his heart skip a beat.

That wasn’t an ‘I’m sorry’.

Holy shit.

“Blasphemy,” Matt murmurs, and Foggy is certain that he hadn’t said that out loud. No louder than a breath, at least.

Holy shit.

“Sorry.” Matt turns his face away again, shoulders tight. “I shouldn’t— should’ve— Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing,” Foggy tells him, because he’s still wrapping his mind around the news but if Matt apologized one more time he’s gonna strangle the guy. “It’s…”

“Fine?” Matt finishes sardonically after he trails off. Shakes his head. “You don’t think so. I can tell.”

“How?” Foggy asks, not actually sure if he wants to know the answer or not.

Matt takes one hand off his glasses. Gestures vaguely as his head—or more accurately, his ears.

“Don’t tell me you can hear what I’m thinking.” He can’t. There’s no way. If Matt was a mindreader, he would’ve said as much. Right?

He snorts, shakes his head. “I can hear your heartbeat,” he explains.

And, oh.

Foggy isn’t sure if that’s any better, actually.

Matt must have heard the way his heart skips at that news, because he nods, his mouth a tight grimace.

“So your hearing is… how good?” Foggy asks, because he’s curious, now. He can’t quite wrap his head around it, yet, it seems too fantastical to be true, but… but something about it seems right. It pings around his head, echoing off of countless memories of the past year.

The way Matt’s head twitched around, sometimes, like he was hearing something Foggy didn’t. The way he grimaced at— well, at all kinds of stuff. How he insisted that stuff had gone bad, sometimes, when nothing off about it could be found.

The time that Matt had insisted they skip out on some free meal that was being offered on campus, saying he didn’t trust it. How glad Foggy had been for Matt’s gut instinct the next day, when almost everyone in class had been sick.

Matt makes a face, lifting his face slightly so Foggy can finally see him. He’s still playing with his glasses, no doubt smudging the lenses to no extent.

“The guys in the room on the end of the hallway are fighting again,” Matt starts, slowly, cautiously. “Apparently one of them keeps bringing back girls, and the other is not too happy about that.”

Foggy hums. The end of the hallway… that was pretty serious.

“There’s a couple fighting on the end of the street,” Matt continues, more steadily. His tone is almost challenging. “And someone’s hailing a cab a block away from there.”

“Oh,” Foggy breathes.

“Sirens,” Matt adds, cocking his head slightly. Frowns. “A few blocks away. Police.”

“Oh,” Foggy repeats. “I can’t… imagine. Do you just… hear that? All the time? Or are you… like, listening for it?”

Matt shrugs, weakly. “I try to block it out, usually. But I can’t, not all of it.”

“The heartbeat?”

A nod. Matt’s shoulders hunch up again. Always with the guilt, that guy.

“Okay,” Foggy tells him. Takes a deep breath to try and calm his heartbeat to something more appropriate for excitement. “Wait, so are like, all your senses like that?”

“Besides vision?” Matt asks wryly. “Basically.”

Well, that was… a lot.

“Isn’t that like, super overwhelming?”

Matt jerks towards him, like he was surprised by the question. “What?”

“Well, it just seems like a lot to me,” Foggy explains, shrugging even if Matt can’t tell. “Unless you grew up with it, I guess.”

“I—” Matt says, and raises a hand to his eyes. Ah.

“Knocked your peepers out and gave you superpowers, huh?”

Matt snorts, drops his hand again. His posture seems slightly more relaxed. Foggy will count it as a win. “It didn’t knock my eyes out, Foggy, you know that.”

“Psh.” He flaps a dismissive hand. “Details. So, super senses. Anything I gotta like, know?”

“Know?” Matt repeats, like he’s never heard the word before.

“Well, yeah.” Foggy shrugs. “I’m shrugging at you, Murdock, just so you know. But, really. Anything I gotta do to make life friendlier on the ol’ senses? Shower more often? Different deodorant? Come on, work with me here.”

Matt frowns at him like he’s never seen Foggy before. Heard him before? Um.

“You’re… okay. With this?”

“I mean, it’s a little weird.” Matt flinches, and ouch, Foggy felt that in his heart. “But not, like, bad weird. It’s pretty cool, actually. I can’t imagine how often you’ve saved me from food poisoning. And here I was, thinking you had good instincts.”

“Uh. Yeah.” Matt cocks his head at him. “Not… bad?”

“Matt, seriously. For a guy who can hear people talk two streets away you sure are bad at listening.” Foggy grins, and wonders if Matt can tell, somehow. From the tone in his voice, at least, he’s sure.

Matt gapes at him. “You’re not…”

“Upset?” Foggy finishes for him. “No, not really. I mean, it would’ve been nice to know sooner so I wouldn’t have done anything stupid or embarrassing, but,” he shrugs, “I understand why you wouldn’t have said anything.”

“Oh.” Matt turns his head down again, like he’s looking at the glasses he’s still fidgeting with. “I… thanks.”

“Hey, don’t mention it. That’s what we’re friends for, right?”

Matt’s head jerks back up. “What?”

“Friends,” Foggy repeats. His heartbeat speeds up again, and he tries to stamp it down, to no avail. “Right?”

“I… I didn’t…” Matt licks his lips, blinks confusedly. “You still want…”

Foggy scoffs. “Of course we’re still friends, man. We just went over this. I asked if I could do anything to help accommodate for your senses. Keep up, Matt.”

“It’s… fine,” his best friend finally manages, weakly. “I’m used to it.”

He squints at Matt for a moment. “Fine. But if anything comes up, tell me. Really, Matt. No martyring of any kind in this dorm room, you hear me?”

Matt laughs weakly. “I hear you.”

“Walked right into that one, didn’t I?” Foggy shakes his head, then leans forward a little. “I just gotta know… if your senses are all so strong, can they, like… make up for your vision, sort of? Like, you explained how good your hearing is, but how does touch work? Smell? Taste?”

“Well, I could tell you exactly what you’ve eaten the past twenty-four hours,” Matt says, slowly. He seems to know when Foggy opens his mouth, because he adds, “Even if we hadn’t spent all that time together, I mean. I can tell you exactly what ingredients are in a meal—even the stuff you don’t want to know about. I can… I know where you are. Where stuff is, if I focus.”

“What, like a bat? Echo-location?”

“Sort of.” Matt shrugs. Reaches over to the nightstand and picks up the baseball that Foggy hadn’t packed yet. “It’s more than just sound. I can feel the— the currents in the air, and the warmth, and all that. It kind of… combines. Almost like seeing, but it’s… not quite that.”

“Sounds complicated.” Foggy hums, watches as Matt puts down his glasses and rolls the baseball in his hand. “So if I asked you to throw that…”

Matt grins, weakly, and tosses the ball in the air. He catches it smoothly when it comes down again.

“You’ve been holding out on me, Murdock!” Foggy holds out his hands. “Come on man, show me!”

Matt wafers for a moment. Then, before Foggy can taunt him again, he winds back and throws the ball straight at Foggy.

He catches it easily, whistles lowly. “Not bad, not bad.”

And then, before he can really think about it, he throws it back. Straight at Matt.

Who seems to catch it automatically, his hand coming up to intercept it.

“Shit, sorry,” Foggy apologizes, even if nothing happened. “I didn’t think about it. Fully automatic.”

Matt clicks his tongue, sounding almost… disapproving. “Throwing baseballs at a blind man? Don’t let anyone see you.”

Foggy laughs, and catches the ball when Matt throws it back. “Yeah, good advice. I’ll pack this before any more incidents happen.”

Matt hums, a grin still lingering on his face.

“But if you can tell when a baseball is coming…” Foggy pauses where he’s stuffing the ball in his bag, turning his head back towards Matt. “You can tell when a car is coming, too, right? At like, intersections and stuff? And you can sense walls, and buildings?”

“Yes,” Matt agrees, hesitantly. Cautiously.

Foggy turns fully back towards Matt. His heart is thumping in his chest again. “So the… the leading, it wasn’t really…”

“Necessary?” Matt finishes for him.

“Wanted,” Foggy corrects. “I was going to say, wanted. Do you not—”

Matt shakes his head vigorously. “No, no. I…”

He pauses, like he’s searching for the right words. Foggy waits to let him.

“I… like it,” Matt finally settles on. “I like hearing you talk. It’s… nice. To not have to focus so hard on the world.”

“Oh.” Foggy’s heart flutters. He clears his throat, wishes he could clear the emotion the same way. “Well, good! Because there’s plenty more where that came from!”

��You really don’t… mind?”

Foggy snorts. “Of course not. It’s part of the patented ‘Foggy Nelson best friends’ package, pal. You’re not getting out of it that easily.”

“Good.” Matt grins, a little. “I’m… glad.”

“You’d better be! It’s an exclusive deal.” He opens his arms, wide. “Now come here, give me a confirming best-friends hug, won’t ya?”

Matt tilts his head, like he’s… listening. Ah. Then, hesitantly, he pushes himself to his feet. Crosses the distance between their beds, step by step.

Foggy continues to hold out his arms. He’s not sure if he should narrate the distance, or if that would ruin the moment. Maybe not narrating ruins it, instead.

Then, suddenly, a warm body is pressed against Foggy’s. Matt must’ve crossed the rest of the distance while he’d been distracted.

He wraps his arms around Matt. He feels Matt mimic his positioning, like he wasn’t sure where he was supposed to put his hands. Like he hadn’t had much experience with hugs.

Just that thought alone was so saddening that Foggy made a note to hug Matt more often. The guy clearly needed it.

“Man, you’ve got some solid fucking muscles under that sweatshirt of yours,” Foggy comments thoughtlessly, patting Matt on his shoulder. “How do you even fit sporting in that schedule of yours?”

Matt laughs, softly, and Foggy can feel it throughout his whole body. “I box, sometimes. It helps me relax.”

“You know, I’m really glad you told me that after explaining your super senses, because I would’ve been really worried otherwise.” He grins against Matt’s shoulder, wonders if Matt knows, can tell. “You should show me, sometime. I bet you look really cool.”

He can feel Matt stiffen against him, and he worries, for a moment, that he misspoke. But Matt relaxes again, and laughs quietly against Foggy’s neck. “I wouldn’t know, would I?”

“Oh, walked right into that,” Foggy mutters without heat. “But?”

“But it sounds… good. Fun.” Matt sighs, and it sounds happy. “You’re… taking this really well.”

“You made it sound like a way bigger deal than it was.” Foggy scoffs. “Seriously, the way you were apologizing, man. I was starting to worry that you had, like, killed a man and hidden him in the walls.”

Matt laughs again. “Nah. Wall’s too thin for that.”

Foggy pauses, but Matt’s posture remains relaxed. “Oh, come on, don’t even joke about that.”

A loud sound shreds the peace, suddenly, and they jerk apart. It takes him a moment before he recognizes the sound—his alarm.

“Shit,” he swears, already moving to turn it off. “Sorry. Totally forgot I set it.”

The quiet returns, but Matt has already wandered back to his side of the room. “It’s fine,” he says, rubbing his ear a little. “Just surprised me.”

“Well, that makes both of us.” Foggy lets himself fall back on his bed, grabbing the previously abandoned shirt. “Now I’ll need to hurry to get all this packed before my parents get here.”

“Want me to help?”

Foggy looks over at Matt over his shoulder. Then back at the stuff he still needs to pack.

“Yeah, that sounds great, actually.”

[spinel-swell]

I'm answering this one on my phone!

So, I'm gonna get to her meeting Hater and Peepers soon enough, don't worry! You'll all see your Boys.

I wrote a lot but idk how to put keep readings on mobile.

BUT AS FOR THE PARTY ANIMAL, I've been bouncing around some ideas for this one. Wondering exactly how Spinel would fit in the plot, here. She's not as out of control as Wander when it comes to parties (even though it's gotta be wild after so much quiet for so long), but not as bent on stopping everything as Sylvia, and she still doesn't really understand clothes and her form looks old and dirty so she wouldn't be allowed in the party. Would that stop her? Haha no. All it would take is Sylvia asking her to hold Wander, and everything would escalate from there. Sylvia is out being bounced around by the planet's robotic inhabitants and Spinel, still with Wander wrapped up in one of her arms, goes "Oh I can help!" And proceeds to stretch her other arm out to pick up Sylvia and toss her towards the stage. The bodyguard notices and starts chasing her so Spinel is now running with one arm holding Wander and the other one flapping in the wind behind her. This is all happening in the background of what Sylvia's doing. Spinel panics and grows her hand, high-fives the bodyguard's hand head and knocks him out, now she's being chased by a steadily growing portion of Awesome's army and they're flying through the air left and right while Wander has some kind of rhythm-induced panic attack, until Sylvia calls out for Wander and she lets him go and stretches herself to the stage. Thus follows Awesome being absolutely destroyed in a dance battle by pure cartoon logic, contemporary and classic rubber-hose dancing. He is obliterated. Wander and Spinel are having an excellent time and Sylvia thinks this is hilarious. In the end, cleaning up the planet is a lot easier, because Spinel's got big ol' hands and Wander is like the Flash if the Flash was a spoon. Sylvia will explain clothes to Spinel LATER.

Dr. Screwball Jones is a whole other story. I'm not sure how well tickling would actually work on Gems, I'm just gonna say that it only works if the gem is tickled (those of you who have weird THINGS about tickling, don't be nasty on or near my posts). ANYWAY, Wander's whole superhero thing for this episode would seem like a game to Spinel, and she would be 100% 👏FOR IT. She would be the sidekick. God I just love this mental image ydjhfkf imagine she just takes a large ribbon out of her gem and uses it like a pink eye mask. BOY WANDER, THE STRETCH, AND Sylvia who doesn't really get it but we're happy she's here. Wander still gets his musical number and gets to save everyone, let him have this. But Spinel DOES get to pick up Screwball and throw him like a boomerang (bananarang) at some point. Let me have this.

I'm gonna have to come up with episode plots that are Spinel-focused sooner or later... hmmm... I'm working on it!

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Three Hundred Sixty: Aftermath ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Uchiha Itachi, Uchiha Shisui, Hyūga Neji, Hyūga Hanabi, Uchiha Fugaku, Shimura Danzō ] [ SasuHina, death, blood, gore, child death ] [ Verse: Then It All Went Wrong ] [ AO3 Link ]

“And so the diseased branches find themselves severed and burned at last.”

Arms bound behind his back with chakra-sealing shackles, Fugaku is shoved to his knees, spine slumped as his exhaustion steals his posture. The ropes are up above his elbows, his severed hand meaning his wrists are no longer viable to hold him. Blood from a split in his brow seeps down over an eye, running down his cheek to drip from his chin to the floor.

From his hunched position, he can see the sandals of his captor, and the urge to spit is overcome only by his lethargy.

“A pity...we had plans only to eliminate your traitorous clan, Fugaku. But then you went and corrupted the Hyūga. Does your depravity and lust for power have no end?”

“...I could ask you the same thing, you rotten son of a bitch -!”

There’s a dull thud as a boot meets his ribs, form jumping slightly with the force before falling flat on his front with a groan.

“Now now...he’s earned a last few words, I think. Let the man speak. He’ll be dead soon. We may as well entertain him.”

Breath ragged, Fugaku struggles to draw air. “...someday...you’ll get yours. We begged and pleaded for our dignity, and our respect...and you met us with murder.”

“Your little uprising had no other outcome, Fugaku.”

“Because your bias and the bias of the council means we would never be free!” he shouts, even as his chest clenches and his ribs protest. “...I know what you want...and you won’t get it. You realize that, don’t you?”

Above him, a single eye narrows. “...what do you mean…?”

Along the floor, Fugaku’s lips curl in a grin that grows and grows, a low laugh rumbling in his chest. It slowly rises, echoing in the chamber until it sounds like the ravings of a madman.

“You think we didn’t plan this far ahead…? You think we didn’t know the outcome…?” Rolling to a side and looking up, he smirks in triumph. “...did you forget just who we allied with…?”

“...no...you didn’t…”

“...we did. Because I’ll be damned before you get your slimy, greedy hands on our eyes, councilman. Us, or the Hyūga. Every dead body laying in our compounds are useless to you now. Our eyes are sealed. You will never have the power of the Sharingan...or the Byakugan. They’re all sealed.”

A long, tense silence blooms, broken only by the rasping of Fugaku’s breathing. Hands both resting atop his cane, Danzō’s bowed head bears an unreadable expression.

“...the Hyūga I was prepared to lose for just such a reason, save for Hiashi. To think that he swallowed his pride enough for that...he must really have put his faith in you. A fool’s mistake. But for the Uchiha do to the same...I will admit, I did not foresee it. In that regard, you have outsmarted me, Fugaku. But you’ve forgotten one thing.”

The councilman’s head lifts, staring down at the clan head with a furious eye. “...you are still alive.”

Fugaku stares back, unblinking. “...wrong again.”

With a clamp of his teeth, he bites into his tongue, flooding his mouth with blood. The viscous liquid alights over the seal imprinted along the roof of his mouth, activating the stored chakra within.

There’s so little time to react.

Immediately, several Root officers leap in front of Danzō, others attempting to smother Fugaku with their own bodies. Yet another drags the councilman back just as the explosion sounds. Glass shatters and debris flies, several of the ANBU torn apart on impact.

Once Danzō finds his feet again, he stares at the aftermath in genuine shock.

...he never thought they’d go so far.

...he underestimated them.

As the surprise fades, a lick of temper grows. It’s true, he was relying on the genocide of the Uchiha to resupply himself and his ally with fresh Sharingan. But now...that appears to be a moot point.

“...Danzō-sama…?”

“...when the collection detail is finished, I want a full report of the body count.” While he already knows children are among the dead, a kind of knowing stirs in the back of his mind. “...if anyone is missing...begin a search immediately.”

Surely they would have a backup plan. Some kind of failsafe. There must be Uchiha or Hyūga left alive somewhere...the only question is who, and where.

He still has a chance to salvage this.

Until then, he straightens his garments. “...tell Hiruzen the attacks were a success. Anything else - any information regarding survivors - report to me, and me alone.”

“...hai.”

Hours later and miles north, the last remnants of the clans begin to wake. Shisui, already up after taking second watch, helps gather up the others: Itachi, Sasuke, Neji, Hinata, and Hanabi.

As the younger four adjust to wakefulness, he steps outside their cavern hideaway to talk with Itachi quietly. “No hide nor hair of anyone following us. Seems for now, we’re in the clear. They might not have realized we’re not among the dead...not yet, anyway.”

“Still, best we operate under the assumption they’re right on our tail. We can’t be too careful,” Itachi replies softly, expression heavy with worry.

“Of course.” Looking his cousin over, Shisui then asks, “...did you sleep at all?”

“...a bit.”

“...yeah, me too.” A hand wipes down his face. “...I know we’ve both been through heavy training to get to our ranks, and we both saw the effects of the last war, but...I’ll admit...I wasn’t ready for that.”

Itachi doesn’t reply, glancing aside bitterly.

“...I know that look. Don’t blame yourself, Itachi -”

“There must have been something I could have -?”

“No. The village had already made up its mind. We did all we could. Fugaku and Hiashi, too. And now...this is our reality. Don’t beat yourself up over something you can’t change. Focus on the here, and the now.” He rests a heavy hand on his cousin’s shoulder, expression grave. “...focus on Sasuke. Keeping them safe is all that matters, now. We’re all that’s left. And I’ll personally be damned before we let Konoha wipe us out completely.”

“...you’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to apologize for, Itachi. You’re allowed to have moments where you waver. I’ll be here to back you up. We’re in this together. For now...best we pack things up, and get going. There’s a chance we have a pretty good lead. They can’t really know what direction we took. While the Naka’s the best choice, it does go both north and south, and has branches. If they want to cover all the possibilities, they’ll have to spread thin, and Root’s not that big to begin with. So long as we’re vigilant, we have a fighting chance.”

“...it’s still unnerving not knowing where we’re going,” Itachi then admits quietly. “Otōsan never told me anything about where we were supposed to go. I never found any information about an Uchiha outpost that far north...it’s practically on the border.”

“Might be a village where he had some allies. Some kind of failsafe where he knew we’d have help.”

“...perhaps. But there were no records of anything there in the library, even in the most recent cartography notes. It’s all tall mountains and thick forests between Hi no Kuni and the more northern nations - the entire range appears to be uninhabited. It’s along the same peaks as Shūmatsu no Tani.”

Shisui hums thoughtfully with a frown. “...well, we’ll just have to see. We might not have always seen eye to eye, but I trust your father’s judgement. He wouldn’t send us anywhere he wasn’t sure would be safe.”

“...I hope you are right.”

The pair commiserate over the map, plotting their route until the younger ones are ready.

“Do you want me to carry Hanabi?”

“Nah, I can do it. No offense, Itachi...but I’m a bit bulkier than you are. You worry about Sasuke, and I’ll handle the Hyūga girls. Feel bad for Neji, though…”

“We will make due. Perhaps he and Hinata can exchange if he gets too tired.”

Given the slim entrance to the cave, they usher the little ones out first, everyone on edge with themselves out in the open. Itachi hefts Sasuke to his back, Shisui strapping Hanabi to his chest as the other two argue over positions.

“I-I can go on foot!”

“So can I.”

“B-but...I was carried y-yesterday, it isn’t fair!”

“Guys, no time for arguing! Hinata, you’ll be carried first. Neji can switch later, okay?”

She makes to protest, but acquiesces as Shisui takes a knee, mirroring Sasuke’s position with Itachi.

“All right...let’s get going.”

                                                         .oOo.

     (This is a sequel to days 99 and 241!)       More of the double clan genocide verse! Which is fun :''D I know there wasn't much "ship" content (I use that lightly since at this point they're wee kiddos), BUT consider it some build up...? I DEFINITELY want to do more of this after the challenge with a proper fic, so...I wanted to establish a bit more plot-wise.      So of course Danzō is our main villain because he's literally Konoha's biggest jerk, and canonly wants those Uchiha peepers. And while Fugaku dying really bums me out...at least he got to give Danzō a big ol' middle finger (AND cost him a few Root agents, so that's a plus!). Sorry for the details, I try not to get too heavy into death / blood / gore. But it was just what Fugaku insisted he do. One last nobel sacrifice u_u      But...seems Danzō knows this can't be the end of it, so there'll definitely be more conflict there later. Cuz I can't let these kids have nice things :''D And just to clarify, Itachi and Shisui will NOT be a ship in this. I don't do Uchiha pairs, or Hyūga pairs. Shisui and Itachi are best buds, that's all.      ANYWAY, it's...very very late and I've still got stuff to do, so I'ma sign off there! Thanks for reading~

[bunjywunjy]

DON’T FEAR THE REAPER

it’s officially the end of the week and boy howdy it’s time for a new Weird Biology article. this week’s subject is a sharp Indiana Jones tribute with a permanently adorable expression of existential dread. 

I just want to pat it on the dorsal fin and tell it everything is gonna be okay, it’s the-

DID I LEAVE THE OVEN ON

the Bigeye Thresher Shark is a mediumish shark that can grow up to 13 feet long, fully half of which is taken up by its ridiculous sickle-shaped tail. that’s like, almost 7 feet of tail alone. jesus. it’s like if when God was handing out tails to animalkind, the Thresher Shark kept sneaking back into line and no one noticed.

these sharks usually weigh in at about 350 pounds, putting them firmly in the “do not wrestle this animal for any reason” category. (most modern sharks are in this category! except for the Wobbegong. go ahead, fight a Wobbegong. it probably deserves it.)

but the Bigeye Thresher Shark does not. please be kind, he is frightened!

Bigeye Thresher Sharks are sleek, vaguely torpedo shaped, and bright metallic purple. it’s like a pool toy came to life and decided to try an existence that didn’t involve being gnawed on by toddlers.

but seriously, Bigeye Thresher Sharks are held as some of the most beautiful of all sharks! (though all sharks are beautiful on the inside.) while they’re alive, anyway. the second a Bigeye Thresher Shark expires, its bright colors fade to a dull lifeless grey. like Optimus Prime in that one movie that ruined your childhood. you know the one I’m talking about.

scientists still aren’t sure why this graying-out occurs, but theories include that it’s because these sharks are a bunch of fucking divas.

or they just don’t want people to use them for a 101 Bigeye Threshers sharkskin coat, which is understandable.

Bigeye Thresher Sharks are found in tropical and temperate waters around the world, even the Mediterranean Sea! they avoid shallow coastal waters and their throngs of tourists, sticking to the open ocean. this is important because Bigeye Threshers do a lot of deep diving, even for a shark. (or maybe they just really hate tourists.)

the Bigeye Thresher Sharks spend their nights close to the surface, swimming around dreaming little shark dreams. but when the sun rises, they dive over 1,500 feet down into the water column to hunt. I guess even sharks have a morning commute.

no coffee for sharks, though.

aside from the massive farm-equipment tail, Bigeye Thresher Sharks are noted for the gigantic anime eyeballs which gave them their name. and it’s no joke- these honkin big look-spheres can be nearly four inches across! THAT’S RIDICULOUS. 

the Bigeye Thresher Shark uses these big ol’ peepers to spot prey in the dark depths of the ocean. the squid think they can hide, but they cannot. the Bigeye Thresher Shark is an accurate and devastating hunter who can chase down fish, squid, smaller sharks, and fucking seabirds with speed and precision. 

it’s a trade off for the whole Battle Angel Alita look.

but I’ve saved the best for last! it’s time to finally disclose what that ridiculous tail is for, and why it deserves a Grim Reaper reference. well, it’s very simple- that super-long tail is basically a biological bullwhip. 

and maybe that doesn’t sound so threatening! but in this case, the Bigeye Thresher Shark cracks its tail like a whip towards a school of fish hard enough to cause a fucking underwater shockwave, which basically liquifies any small animals unlucky enough to be in the way. it completely fucking obliterates those poor fish, who never asked for this and probably have families.

it takes “shooting fish in a barrel” to a whole new level, that’s for damn sure.

after commiting mass fish homicide with its overpowered nuke of a tail, the Bigeye Thresher Shark is free to scoot around and vacuum up the dead and dying fish. success! this strategy is so effective that there are even stories of Bigeye Thresher Sharks using it against birds. no word on whether this is true or not, but I mean, it sounds like it COULD be. (and they do actually eat birds! so.)

it’s easy to see why the shark puts up with having a stupidly long and unwieldly tail; the AoE attack makes it MORE than worth it. 

it’s their up B special.

it’s because of this attack style that Bigeye Thresher Sharks are so widespread. but unfortunately, these incredible sharks actually do have a reason for making that terrified face: they’re under threat from human activity and listed as Vulnerable.

Bigeye Thresher Sharks are often caught accidentally or even on purpose by longlines, even though they pose no threat to humans. (except looking really weird, anyway.) these thresh princes of the sea need legal protections, and they need it soon. what other sea animal are we going to make Indiana Jones jokes about? sea cucumbers? come on.

THROW ME THE IDOL, I’LL MURDER A BUNCH OF FISH WITH THE WHIP.

–

thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.

if you enjoy my work, maybe buy me a coffee or check out my Patreon to see extra content and support Weird Biology.

–

IMAGE SOURCES

img1- FisheriesAquaculture, Twitter img2- Gray FishTag Research img3- Pelagic Shark Research Foundation img4- BBC img5- Defenders Of Wildlife Blog img6- Adventure Sports Network img7- Majadi Wall img8- yandex.ru

[shellheadtmarc]

| BASIC INFO

Classic Marvel / 616-Based.  

Tony Stark was still in the early stages of his career as Iron Man, still walking a fine line between his public identity as Anthony Stark, billionaire industrialist whom the US government claimed left them in a lurch with his ceasing of the production of the tools of war for more humanitarian technological developments, and that of the superhero in the armored suit, posing as his own bodyguard to keep those he held close safe.  His heart had been healed with an experimental transplant of synthetic tissue so he no longer needed the chestplate of the armor to keep him alive, leaving him to enjoy his time as the Golden Avenger, rather than finding himself in desperate situations where the depletion of its electrical charge would leave him dead in the water:  Literally.

Vault Tec, the societal preservation juggernaut building vaults all across the country with the claims to being prepared for the possible onset of total nuclear destruction stemming from the Great War, would have loved for a mind like his to join their team, unaware that Tony and Iron Man were one and the same.  And while he had no problem turning them down on multiple occasions, citing, “I like being my own boss,” as his reasoning, they assumed that if they couldn’t have his brain to design for them, they certainly had a place in one of the vaults - he just needed a little convincing.

He eventually agreed to a tour of Vault 76, nestled in the heart of Appalachia, if only to get them off his back.  He had his fingers in his own failsafes if it came to nuclear war, and he’d been working with both his contacts within the US government and with the Avengers in attempt to finally diffuse the situation, thinking that a decade was more than enough for the Great War to drag on.  Early the morning of October 23, 2077, Tony showed up outside of the giant gear door of the vault, attache case in hand, and started his tour.

When he reemerged from the vault, it was twenty five years later.

While inside, the bombs had dropped, the future residents had arrived, and the door had sealed, and that, as they say, had been that.  Anger at being trapped, unable to assist on the surface, turned to acceptance, which turned to determination, and he whiled away his time designing on paper modifications and advancements for the Iron Man (his attache case had mysteriously disappeared at some point), along with being shoved into job in the vault’s diner which he in no way was at all suited for (and didn’t matter, because the assigned jobs were the assigned jobs and it was hell on earth to get moved anywhere else).  Older, a little crankier, and a little wiser with more grey in his hair and growing (in his opinion) less pretty by the day, Reclamation Day finally arrived, and he was actually one of the first of the vault dwellers to leave the vault, not only because being cooped up underground hadn’t suited him at all, but also because no one knew what they were going to be walking into, and he was, in many ways, more prepared to take on those unknowns than some of the others he’d been locked down in the vault with.

Originally his first order of business had been to collect what he needed to rebuild the Iron Man - twenty five years wasn’t so long a time that all the infrastructure would have completely broken down - but after seeing the aftermath of the bombs, and wandering into Flatwoods in a bit of a daze, that quickly shifted into something else entirely.  The world hadn’t known it, but he was Iron Man with or without the Red and Gold.

| FACTIONS

Tony is a member of the Responders, first and foremost.  He found out about them in Flatwoods, completed their training in Morgantown, and believes in the cause they were promoting with regards to helping survivors (and fellow dwellers in a tight spot) and looking for both a vaccination and a stop to the Scorched disease.  He’s also taken the next step and also completed Fire Breather training in Charlestown, figuring he, more than most, is especially suited to being the front line defense against the Scorched,  He just sees it as an extension of the kind of team efforts he made with the Avengers.  He’s a staunch supporter of both groups (even if the Fire Breathers are a faction within the Responders), and he does his part with keeping supply caches filled and divvying his own medical and emergency supplies among the outposts, keeping himself at the bare minimum to make sure others don’t run low.  He’s mobile enough, in his opinion, that he can scavenge what he needs.

While there’s no sign of an active Brotherhood of Steel base left in the parts of the West Virginian wasteland he’s personally roamed, he tends to keep his eyes open for any indication they may still be around.  He’s not looking to join, but he he’s gotten more than a few mixed messages left behind from those that have come before and did see them in person, and it makes him incredibly uneasy.  He also thinks it would be a great idea to reclaim their old posts from the Scorched and ghouls that have otherwise overrun them, simply because they’re well fortified and supply-laden.

As far as the Enclave goes, it’s confirmed a lot of suspicions he’d had before the war - explained everything, including the government fleeing to an offshore oil rig.  He doesn’t trust MODUS, he doesn’t trust those that would back the plays of what’s left of the Enclave, but they’ve got the knowledge of how to get into the nuclear silos, they’ve got the more advanced tech, and they’ve got eyes and ears on the wasteland.  He doesn’t support the cause, but he’ll pretend he does as long as he needs to until he figures out his play to shut them down.

The Free States are gone, but he can’t imagine support for the cause itself is completely dead.  He remembers the scandal from before the war, but it hadn’t, to him, seemed like that big of a deal at the time.  And their research into stopping the Scorched beasts is damned near invaluable.

| BASE

Tony has a semi-permanent base located south of Helvetia and east of Sutton, putting him within easy range of several different places, including the Enclave bunker at Whitesprings.  It has about the level of comfort and development you’d expect with him having a bit of free time and putting in some elbow grease, and there’s a workshop open to fellow Responders/wanderers with a place to crash, and since he’s in and out so often without staying for very long, he works on a barter system for those that can afford to do so:  Caps aren’t required, but if a person stops in and uses the workbenches and tools or takes a tato or three, a little sprucing up in the garden is appreciated, or repairing anything that needs it is especially welcome.  As are any extra supplies, but not required.

He really has gotten good at scavenging what he needs.

It’s easy to find:  His place is a bright spot of electric light along a long stretch of dark two lane blacktop following the river.

Eventually he may move his base, demolish and start over somewhere else, but with how he ping pongs around the wasteland, it’s a good central point that offers him a hub to expand outward from.

| EQUIPMENT

Tony’s favored weapons are a hardened sniper rifle (extra and unneeded .308 is always welcome) and a mole miner’s claw gauntlet picked up during a trip to the ash piles.  It’s been modified for three claws as opposed to two.  Other weapons frequently used are a crossbow (making his own ammunition is startling easy and there are innumerable ways to tinker with it, both shaft and head, to get some pretty nasty damage out of a fairly simple weapon), and a tesla rifle.

One day he’ll actually work on those designs for a new Iron Man suit, but for now he’s making do with T-60 and X-01 power armor, despite his griping that it’s slow, clunky, and mass-produced.

| MISC

Tony, for the most part, prefers to travel alone.  He’s reckless, he tends to delve in the dark mines turned tombs and ghoul-filled prewar buildings.  And if he’s the only one he’s responsible for, it makes doing so much, much easier.

He doesn’t eat Fancy Lad Snack Cakes.  He didn’t eat them before the war.  He’s more than always willing to trade those off for something else.

He can most frequently be found in the southern parts of WV, from Charlestown and beyond.  The cranberry bogs are an especially good place to look.

He lives a double life, as a mole inside the Enclave bunker and Whitesprings.  He has no intentions of furthering their agenda, and can and will self-sabotage as it becomes possible, but for the moment he needs their resources.

Tony, as of the opening of Vault 76, is fifty-two years old (taking into account 616′s age retcon).  Still plenty spry to do what he feels he needs to do, but tempered enough with age that he’s not quite as reckless as he was before the bombs.  Older, grayer, but still very recognizable for anyone alive before the bombs fell.  He tends to scavenge for reading glasses and has started the process of grinding his own lenses:  The vault lighting was not kind to the ol’ peepers, and age hasn’t been either, so fine detail these days takes a little extra help.

It’s also taken some time to get back up to speed physically.  He didn’t slouch in the vault, there was a gym and he made use of it, but some of his finer technique was impossible to replicate without his training room back in his long-ago personal lab, so he’s made a conscious effort to push himself as much as he dares (he doesn’t know how the tissue grafted to his heart is going to hold out with age) to get himself back to where he thinks he should be.

[florrickandassociates]

TGF Thoughts: 2x06-- Day 443

Sorry for the delay, guys. I liked this episode but for some reason I found it super boring to rewatch and kept putting off writing this. (I think you will be able to tell that I was writing this just to write something.)

A chair sits in a brightly lit, half unfinished room. This turns out to be the studio where Adrian is recording an interview with Cable News (they say it like it’s a proper noun in this episode so I’ve decided it is). Adrian looks uncomfortable doing this—the strange room, the logistics of the interview, the soundcheck, the unmanned camera.

We only hear Adrian’s side of the interview, and we have no context for it, so it sounds awkward. He misgenders someone (he can’t see the rest of the panel) (this is just like s5 Alicia!) and makes a comment about a case and then it’s over.

When Adrian arrives at the office, he’s wearing a black baseball cap. I am not sure why but it’s a look.

Marissa applauds him when he gets off the elevator—apparently the ten words he said were super impressive. Marissa also informs Adrian that Diane and Julius are in his office and there’s a visitor there for him. What, exactly, is Marissa’s job?

There are still boxes left over from the party. That’s a lot of booze.

“The next time they ask me to be a pundit, tell me no,” Adrian laughs, thinking he made a fool of himself.

“Wait, wait, wait, we’ve got to discuss Lucca,” Diane says as Adrian starts to leave. “We can’t ask her if she’s pregnant. It’s illegal,” Julius explains. “And Lucca’s not saying anything,” Adrian understands. The partners quickly realize that Lucca’s not saying anything specifically so she isn’t bumped from “the biggest case of the year” which goes to trial in two months.

Julius’s solution is to “talk to her friend Maia” to get info about Lucca’s pregnancy. Well, that’s shitty. Also, where is Liz? In this episode, but also in this scene specifically. We get Julius for this but not the name partner who is a mother?

The dude involved in the Peeper case Adrian referenced on Cable News shows up in the conference room, wanting Adrian to represent him.

And it’s Adrian’s lucky day, because a prominent Chicago lawyer we’ve never heard of is in reception too! Diane seems more impressed by him than I would think, since I was long under the impression that Diane Lockhart was supposed to be one of the biggest names in the Chicago legal world.

Ok I take that back, this Franz dude says “And Diane Lockhart, I know you,” when after introducing himself to Adrian. Ok, good.

He also knows Julius. Where has Julius been these past few episodes? I thought he was a series regular. Maybe he went for a visit to the New York office. Or he was spending time with the six children he has.

Franz was impressed with Adrian’s Cable News appearance too. It apparently has 300,000 likes.

Franz tries to stand while everyone from RBL sits, and Adrian won’t let him. I’m reminded of the Supreme Court Superlawyer in W4x09 who preached at Diane, Will, and Alicia. Adrian remains standing, so Franz can’t literally talk down to him.

Then some weird pantomiming of fighting happens. I am unsure what is going on, but I do know that Adrian’s air punches have been gifed and are on GIPHY or something, because on my commute home one day this week I looked up for a second and saw a gif of Adrian from this scene on someone else’s phone screen. (Sadly, he selected another, non-TGF gif to use in his conversation.)

Oh, we are talking about Wilk Hobson again. I didn’t realize he was in multiple episodes—I only remembered him from 2x05—but he popped up last night when I was rewatching 4x17, and IMDb says he’s also in 2x10.

Franz wants to talk about the lawyer killings. In fact, he informs RBL, “the big six firms have been meeting over the past few weeks to discuss how to address this problem.” I’ve never heard of the Big Six firms, but I guess that makes sense. If all firms in Fictional Chicago go through as much turmoil as LG always did, I can definitely believe there’s an alliance of six firms we’ve never heard of before.

Franz extends RBL an invitation to meet with the Big Six, because he saw Adrian on Cable News.

After the meeting, Diane and Adrian are shocked and Julius is so excited he’s had to leave the room (lol no he’s just disappeared without an explanation again). “What DID you say on Cable News?” Diane asks.

Now we get to see the Cable News panel from the other side, and I’m still not sure why what Adrian said is impressive. It lasts for about five seconds and he offers some mild pushback. That’s it. I feel like if you’re going to bother with showing something from one perspective and then later filling in the blanks, the scene should make sense the second time around. It still seems awkward and abrupt to me, and even though I’ve seen the episode and know what Peeper is, I don’t get what Adrian’s talking about. I am not sure what would get this clip 300,000 likes?

Diane and Marissa (who’s popped up because… idk she has) encourage Adrian to go on Cable News again.

The fact that Adrian has a framed picture of himself with Obama is fantastic but it doesn’t really help me believe that his office is anything other than Diane’s office, redecorated. Just swap out the Hillary/Diane pic for an Obama/Adrian one…

Adrian was doubting his Cable News abilities, but not anymore!

Julius goes to talk to Maia about Lucca’s pregnancy. Maia is at a table rather than a work station and Julius asks why. “I got here too late,” Maia says. Why would you tell your boss that, Maia? I can’t imagine RBK is chill with people strolling in whenever they want (though actually, maybe they would have a flex hours program) and you probs shouldn’t tell a partner that you arrived to work too late to grab a desk.

Julius asks Maia about Lucca’s “condition” and they both know what he’s talking about. “I think she wants to be thought of as a lawyer and not an expectant mother,” Maia explains. Yeah, something like that. And Lucca’s not even slightly wrong to assume her pregnancy would affect things.

Case in point: seconds after Maia says this, Julius doubles back to ask Maia to take the lead on the next step in Lucca’s big case. Maia is stunned and runs after Julius to protest her new assignment. It’s Lucca’s case, after all. When Maia asks why she’s been put in charge of the motion, Julius says “I’m a partner, and you’re an associate, and I want you to take it.” Good ‘ol Julius. I think he takes pleasure in lording his power over underlings.

“Is this about Lucca’s condition?” Maia asks. Um, yes, it obviously is. Equally obvious is that Julius would never say that out loud.

“No. It’s about you having a chance to be first chair,” Julius replies.

“Does Lucca know?” Maia asks next. “No. Go ahead and tell her!” Julius tells Maia. Seriously, he sounds delighted to give Maia this task.

Maia immediately goes to inform Lucca. “You are different since your ride-along,” Lucca observes after Maia makes a comment about being fine without a desk. What? First Maia was different after prison, now she’s different after her ride-along… can we stop saying Maia’s changed so much? And if we’re going to stick with that narrative, can it at least be consistent? I don’t even understand what her ride-along would’ve changed or how her comment about desks is possibly related to it.

Lucca jumps right into talking about the case, and Maia hesitantly tells her about what Julius asked her to do. Lucca asks why, and Maia says she doesn’t know, but Julius was asking about her “condition.” Lucca just goes, “Oh, fuck.” She’s not thrilled that the partners are assuming things about her work performance.

“You haven’t even told me, and I’m your friend,” Maia says. … Lucca is v obviously pregnant (she’s showing!). But, as she says, it’s not that she’s unaware that others can tell—it’s at least in part “just having those words [I’m pregnant] come out of my mouth. It feels weird.”

“Now, here’s the other worry. I’m on the partner track. For the first time in my career, I have some traction. And now I’m worried they’ll use… this to penalize me,” Lucca explains.

This prompts Maia to say what may be the smartest thing I’ve ever heard Maia say: that the partners can’t legally penalize Lucca for her pregnancy, but if she continues to keep it a secret, they can blame “performance” and make moves against her without being liable.

I do not remember much about the opposing counsel in the COTW, Amber Wood Lutz, but I remember that she was on last season and I expected her to become a recurring player. And here we are again.

“Every time a new lawyer is killed, I think of you,” she tells Adrian. I definitely don’t remember this rivalry. It was probably a thing. I just don’t remember it.

Mike from Veep is a judge now! He keeps saying that trials are nothing like what we see on TV. He even makes the same comments twice. The point—which could’ve been conveyed in far fewer lines, IMO—is that this trial is going to become extremely theatrical (even by TGW/F standards) since Adrian’s in Cable News mode.

This case is not that interesting. It could be, but it’s not much more than an excuse to talk about the alt-right and neo-Nazis. So, I probably won’t comment on it much, if at all.

Diane and Adrian head from court to a meeting of the Big Six Plus RBL, which is being held in a space that looks like the Cheesecake Factory but for people who think they’re too classy for the Cheesecake Factory.

Amber Wood Lutz is also in the Big Six. Adrian believes this is because they are “pretending to be diverse.”

I really don’t know how I’m forgetting this Amber/Adrian rivalry from last season. It’s quite intense.

Oh God, I’m only just at the credits? Can you tell from how sloppy my writing is that I just want to get this written? This episode wasn’t bad and it wasn’t great. It wasn’t even that interesting. I like writing about things that give me a lot to chew on, and I like writing about things that are so terrible I can rant for pages. Recapping something boring… is boring.

This episode was written and directed by women! (Finally.)

RBL is asked to donate $40,000 pretty much immediately after they sit down at the table. The widow of a wealthy lawyer needs $40,000 donations from seven firms? Why the fuck does she need $280k?

“We are being hunted,” Franz says. The show would like us to believe, at least to an extent, that the lawyer killings aren’t being investigated thoroughly because the police and lawyers aren’t friendly and everyone hates lawyers.

Now we get a rehash of the debate about giving the police your firm’s client list that we already heard in 2x03. That reminds me, when do we get to learn more about Liz’s husband?

Adrian comes up with a good next step for the Big Six. And then he’s on Cable News again (okay, it’s called Review of the Day). This time, he isn’t doing an interview remotely, but it’s the same show. If the show was in Chicago this whole time, why was Adrian doing the interview remotely from a studio in the first place?

There is another black man on the panel that night—“I’m the young, angry activist. You’re the older Obama statesman. That’s the only way they keep two black pundits on the panel, if we both stick to our lanes,” the other panelist warns. Adrian waves this advice off.

There’s been another lawyer killing, only this one may be racially motivated as well. Or, at least, that’s what Cable News thinks. This goes about as well as anyone who has ever watched a panel on actual cable news would expect, which is to say that people start screaming at each other about racism and making claims they can’t support based off of baseless assumptions they’ve made.

Adrian then insults Asshole Panelist and says he’s being overpaid to “ignorantly yap your mouth off.” Heh. I get why that one might go viral.

This makes the other panelists mad. Asshole Panelist thinks Adrian is playing high and mighty and the other black panelist accuses him of intentionally coming after his job. Even the host isn’t thrilled: Adrian mentioned money, and you’re not supposed to mention money.

Adrian’s second appearance is poorly received by some of his peers, even though this time, he was sure of what he was doing. Diane (playfully) accuses Adrian of intentionally stirring up trouble, and Adrian doesn’t deny it. Instead, he smiles and laughs.

For some reason there is a young woman who wants an autograph in reception at Adrian’s office. Don’t y’all have security?

Case stuff happens.

Lucca waits nervously to talk to the partners. She chats with Marissa a little and informs her of her pregnancy. “I’m telling everyone now,” she says. Marissa says she’s going to throw Lucca a shower—with a stripper. I want to see that! The shower, not the stripper. (Though…)

The partners congratulate Lucca when she shares her news. It seems genuine enough, and I’d love to believe that the partners won’t hold Lucca’s pregnancy against her. It’s certainly possible not to! I just need to see it to believe it with these people at this firm on this show.

“The birth date is scheduled for May 22nd,” Lucca says. It’s SCHEDULED? Honey. I’ve never spent any time around babies and even I know that you can’t make a baby obey your schedule. Lucca claims she’ll be back at work on the 25th. I’m curious to see how Lucca’s priorities and expectations shift over the course of the season. I think it’s very reasonable that she would want to keep working and I definitely don’t expect—or want—to have that choice invalidated. But a lot of what Lucca’s saying right now sounds more like denial of the realities of being a parent and nervousness about losing the things that are part of her identity than an actual plan for parenting.

Julius Cain is the father of six. I am assuming he doesn’t spend much time with any of his SIX kids given that there are six of them, and in nine years we’ve never heard about a single one. Poor Julius. The writing for him seems to consist of excuses for why he’s been absent and revelations that are out of left field. (Though I do buy that he’s the father of six. If you told me he was the father of six and he was very involved in his kids’ lives, I might have a problem believing that.)

Yeah, the partners are just putting on a show. They’re still going to watch Lucca very carefully. And they’re going to keep Maia ready to step in. If this case is so big, why is MAIA the backup plan? No offense to Maia (or maybe offense to Maia)—she hasn’t proven herself capable of this so why would the partners trust her with a big case?

The Big Six are back at Fancy Cheesecake Factory because that’s their favorite spot. I don’t even know what’s going on. It’s about police suits. I don’t care, since I know this whole conversation is lead-up to the reveal about Franz trying to woo RBL into dropping their police brutality suits so he’ll get more business from the police. It’s also a theoretical debate about issues I can’t have a stance on because they’re created for the show. Are the police failing to investigate lawyer killings? I mean, IDK, because the lawyer killings are fiction.

JULIUS wants to pursue police brutality cases and DIANE wants to drop them because “it’s worth every fucking irritation in the world!!!” to sit with the Big Six? What kind of opposite land is this where the Trump voter wants to hold the police accountable and the Hillary voter who gives no fucks is obsessed with status? (I don’t think it’s out of character for Diane to consider trading her values for status. I just think it’s weird that right now Diane is concerned with status, and also that she’s literally screaming at Julius about this.)

ALSO WHERE IS LIZ?

Lucca and Colin are in court with Judge Friend (hello!) and Colin tries to move the trial out by four months, to the week Lucca’s due in May.

OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE WRITERS, DID YOU NAME THE EPISODES AFTER REAL-TIME DATES JUST TO DRIVE ME MAD? Lucca and Colin hooked up after the Rindell case (202), but that was five months ago, even though it was the 415th day of the Trump administration and this is the 443rd day. And the 443rd day is in April, but May is four months away. Writers. If the dates aren’t going to have any bearing on the timeline of the show, maybe pick a different gimmick? Plus, it’s fucking annoying to memorize numbers.

Lucca and Colin fight in an elevator about the timing. Colin is more than a little annoyed that Lucca seems to be expecting him to ignore her pregnancy. While I agree that Lucca is expecting everyone to just ignore it, I feel like maybe if Colin wants Lucca to be more open with him, he should be supportive of her and her decisions and not incessantly propose to her (when it should be obvious to anyone who has ever met Lucca she would not want that) slash lash out against her in court.

Apparently Colin knows—or Lucca believes he does—that Maia would be the one to try the case if Lucca couldn’t. Why would Colin know that? And again, why would this fall on Maia?

Marissa hatches a plan because she believes Franz has ulterior motives. In a cafeteria, she chats with his assistant. His very chatty assistant. Turns out he wants the business of the police.

Case stuff happens. The jury is totally captivated by Television Personality Adrian Boseman, and the judge isn’t having it and tries to tell Adrian not to play to the jury. Diane objects and asks what, specifically, Adrian is doing wrong, and for the judge to rule on her objection.

“To quote a lawyer that I respected, ‘I want a ruling that I can appeal,’” Diane explains. Awwww, it’s a Will reference! (Will says this in W116, to Judge Lessner). IMO, these small, subtle references to Will are meant to show that Diane’s thinking about her former partner. And how could she not be thinking about him each time another lawyer is murdered?

Diane did not witness Will asking for a ruling he could appeal, so I imagine he must have told her the story at some point. Since there’s already a scene in W116 where Will recaps his case to Diane (he’s talking about auditioning for Bishop and groveling), it’s so easy to picture a conversation between them about this moment.

Back at Fancy Cheesecake Factory, Adrian and Diane fuck shit up by announcing that Franz is trying to land the business of the police (and that’s the only reason he invited RBL to the meetings in the first place). When the lawyers start arguing over one another, Diane and Adrian, satisfied with the mess they’ve made, leave. Hehe.

Lucca and Colin haven’t settled on a court date, so Lucca decides to tell Judge Friend that she’s pregnant and Colin’s the father. I don’t have much to say but it’s a really fun scene.

Colin shows up at Lucca’s office and explains his motivations. He didn’t want Lucca off the case: he wanted Lucca to be able to relax and not be stressed about the case! “This was for your benefit!” he says. “Oh my God. I didn’t think this could get any worse, but here we go,” Lucca responds accurately.

Colin is concerned Lucca might miscarry if she’s stressed. He asks if he can be even a little concerned, and she says that he can’t. Especially not if he’s going to express his concern that way!! Lucca also says she regrets having sex with Colin, and Colin’s all “I didn’t regret it.” Sigh. Lucca’s turned him down so many times. If there’s a way to win Lucca over—and there might not be!—this is definitely NOT it.

Anyway, Colin has info to help in the Peeper case. Which means that more case stuff happens and RBL wins.

Adrian calls Marissa (at work) to thank her for finding dirt on Franz. And to give her a 10% raise. “This is the first raise I’ve ever gotten,” she replies. “First of many, I’m sure,” he says. Aww. I like what they’re doing with Marissa and Adrian this year. It’s clear she respects him, and also clear that he’s recognizing her work when she does a good job (also clear is the fact she is doing a good job).

Adrian goes back on Cable News and finds out that J.D. (the young black man) is no longer on the panel.

On the panel, Asshole Panelist starts crying reverse racism. Adrian decides to burn all bridges with the show and its inanity, and he tries to stir shit up by getting the white panelists to say the n-word. Heh. Diane watches the clip (with a glass of wine and, likely, some drugs) at her desk and laughs.

Then she swivels around in her chair and hallucinates the Trump Mask People fucking. She laughs even harder. How many scenes of Diane laughing loudly is too many? I don’t think there could ever be too many scenes of Diane laughing.

I love Adrian not giving a fuck about what the host of the show has to say. He tells him off and then the ep ends with Adrian looking at himself in the mirror. This is a much better Adrian-centric episode than last week’s effort.  

[spiritcc]

What to watch with: Innokenty Smoktunovsky

Heyo peepers it is this time again, me cherry picking actors from Russian Holmes adaptations and acting like you’re interested in checking out their other works. If you somewhat appreciated Yank the last time then prepare to strain your memory big time as today it is the time of That Prime Minister Dud From The First XX Century Approaches Episode Remember The Missing Letter Plot Yeah That One The Second Guy Yes - Innokenty Smoktunovsky. 

Welcom, babes, this man is the most legendary actor of the Soviet cinema. Well, let’s tone it down a bit just out of basic modesty and say “one of the most legendary” but you know how things really are, this is the Alpha Slav of Soviet acting. Incidentally, one of the newest additions to my “Actors Welcome To Raw Me” list, because telling you now, ma dudes, that legendary status? no fucking lie. The man is a Legend. And boy oh boy his acting must be seen. So without further ado:

1. Hamlet (1964)

Oh mi fuking gud Draco!1111" (c) My Immortal

Smoktun’s involvement: Hamlet, main role

2 episodes, ~1h11mins each | Youtube, English subtitles | Both eps in one

What and why: hohoho. So, you know that Shakespearean Delivery(tm) and actors overhamming the text that sounds like trying to understand English while having a stroke, and your antagonistic relationship with the classics and boring ass adaptations your English teacher showed to you and you questioning your tastes and wondering who teh fuck actually enjoys all this? Well, this movie demonstrates that you were not wrong for a second, it’s just all these Shakespereans who are up their own asses to realise the scale of bullshit. THIS MOVIE is a fucking masterpiece, and became one of my faves pretty much instantly. All of the actors truly LIVE on screen, just like the good ol’ Stanislavsky wanted, the drama is real, the emotions are raw, it feels ALIVE and ENGAGING. The actual use of the scenery and black and white is even more spectacular, the views and the scale of production will hit your ass almost in every shot, the movie is very stylish and makes its b&w palette a whole important feature. And, obviously, Smoktun himself - that goes without saying. He is emo, he is angery, he is sexey, he is draco everything. I recommend this with all my heart.

2. Beware of the Automobile (1966)

when will the gay feelings end

Smoktun’s involvement: Yuri Detochkin, main role

~1h28mins | Youtube, English subtitles (with an annoying delay) | 1080p babe

What and why: an extremely noice comedy about a CRIMINAL, who STEALS CARS, in order to SELL THEM, and sends the money to ORPHANAG- wait wat. This horrible CRIMINAL is very PROFESSIONAL and demonstrates his evident ability NOT TO SHIT HIMSELF CONSTANTLY, and he is also NOT A LOSER, and this film is actually a VERY serious DETECTIVE STORY that is NOT GAY. Honestly? An extremely blessed movie that is totally worth a watch. Also: the meta gag of Smoktun playing Hamlet. Again. 

3. Moscow-Cassiopeia (1973) and Teens in the Universe (1974)

I.O.O allowed me to post this

Smoktun’s involvement: I.O.O, mysterious secondary character 

2 films, ~1h19mins each | sovietmoviesonline, English subtitles | 1 | 2 (annoying nag to register still applies)

What and why: they’re really should’ve been just two episodes but it looks like the producers decided to be original, two “”movies”” a year apart instead. KIDS SCI-FI YALL. God, I enjoyed these way too much. A mission is set up to send a bunch of boys and girls on a long ass journey to Cassiopeia, so by the time they reach it they will be all grown up respectful pals and gals. The first movie is all about making it happen, the second one is a straight up space adventure. I personally just enjoyed all of it, the kids were actually pretty nice actors, the sicc effects and props were charming, teh ADVENTURE!! was a joy to watch, and, of course, the mysterious I.O.O - who is he? What are his powers? Is he from this planet at all? We will never know. I personally liked these, what can I say, and I.O.O is a mysterious binch. 

4. They Fought For Their Country (1975)

fuck yo boots, protag 

Smoktun’s involvement: a surgeon, very minor role

2 episodes, ~1h15mins each | Youtube, English subtitles | EP1 | EP2

What and why: Smoktun is honestly is just an excuse, the movie itself is one holy hell material. Sergey Bondarchuk, after all. The plot is as simple as ass: a bunch of soldiers retreating, engaging into battles, living their lives. What is an absolutely breathtaking part of it is the BATTLES. HOLY SHIT THE BATTLES. Bond is Bond, y’all, he just fucking rolled actual tanks and planes on the set, and blew up actual villages (built specifically for the movie ofc), and this is the most intense, terrifying, and fuckin AWESOME thing of all. No cool cgi slowmo bullshit, all you need is to see how things really were back then, and that’s all it takes to realise the true horror of war. This is an incredible film, that’s all I can say, it is very powerful in a very simplistic manner, no gore or pathos, just simple realities. Cannot recommend it enough. 

5. Nine Days In One Year (1962)

radiates science 

Smoktun’s involvement: the secondary third-wheeling science ass

~1h45mins | sovietmoviesonline, English subtitles and dub | rad

What and why: a nuclear movie without a conclusive ending about scientists, radiation, and the prices paid for discovery. Has very rad thoughts in it that are still very relevant, lots of bombing mansplaining and science nerds. Smoktun there is as great as always, totally radiant. The actual main hero and the themes will also get a reaction out of you. Again, has its flaws, but overall it is a very good movie, although nothing gets physical. Rad.

Honourable mentions:

1. The Star of Captivating Happiness (1975)

some evil-ish dud | wrote about it before | the movie’s still a pain in the ass

2. Crime and Punishment (1969)

that important dud who makes the protag confess | 2 episodes, ~1h42mins each | sovietmoviesonline, English subs | boink

Imo this movie was a fucking chore did not enjoy at all 0/10 but Smoktun is as great as always so here’s that

3. The Legend of Thyl (1976)

King Charles V | 5 episodes, ~1h20mins each | Youtube, no subtitles | playlist

Nothing matters in this movie as the first episode or two where he’s engaged in softcore porn of smooching tit on screen and then just does a gr8 job of being a magnificent dud with a big charming smile, death threats and weird sounds

4. The Princess and the Pea (1976)

King | ~1h24mins | Youtube, no subtitles | boink

Apparently the movie is meh but Smoktun and his Queen were gr8 to watch, he’s a bit problematic, has a questionable fashion sense, skeptical, charming, does a wheeze for no reason and falls on his face, everyone just rolls their eyes.

5. Cherry Orchard (1976)

Protag’s brother | ~2h48mins | filmed stage play | Youtube, no subtitles | boink

Literal stage play that was filmed for TV, pretty typical. Contains chaotic evil Solomin who grabs tits and does faces and bullies poor Smoktun. Smoktun himself is extremely noice as always, as well as the entire cast, actually, and his chemistry with his sister is rather alarming. 

Final comment: Smoktunovsky is one of the truly greatest actors who have ever ascended on this pitiful planet. His skill is incredible, his works are amazing, I could’ve easily added like 5 more of whatever movies/filmed plays here. Here’s a thing: when an actor, singer or any other great person had their coffin taken outside in front of the public to get transported during a public funeral service, nobody ever clapped in Russia, ever. When Smoktunovsky’s coffin was taken outside in 1994, suddenly, the crowd exploded into an ovation. The reaction was mixed no doubt, but one fact stays: since 1994, every single funeral ends with the public sending their beloved entertainer on their final journey with applauding for everything they have done, and have been. And it all started with Innokenty Smoktunovsky.