#he doesn’t look like a miley and i can’t even think of a new name for him because i just know he wouldn’t go to that point he likes his+

[milimeters-morales]

Someone calling Miles “Miley” as a joke once but he realizes he likes the ambiguity over whether or not it’s a cutesy/teasing nickname for the more masculine sounding “Miles” or straight up just a new feminine name that he wouldn’t mind being called for the rest of his life

[tyongxnct]

𝐅𝐔 - 𝐉𝐨𝐡𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐒𝐮𝐡

pairing: Johnny x reader

summary: You wanted to be all alone with your boyfriend on New Year’s Eve, but after a heavy fight, he left you before the clock struck midnight. You were all alone the whole night while he was with another woman. The woman he told you not to worry about. One day, after forgiving him for leaving you alone, you find out that she was texting him, that he cheated and you breakup. But breaking up with the love of your life was hard and you couldn’t stop yourself from loving him.

song: FU - Miley Cyrus

genre: established relationship, angst, smut

warnings: smut, cheating, swearing, alcohol consumption

word count: 5.7k

A/N: first of all thank you so so much for 900 followers!! You have no idea how happy and thankful I am. I hope you enjoy this!! 💖💖💖

taglist: @aesthetichrj @bvbyxuxi @bitchenderyy​ @chitaphrrrr​

this is fiction!

© tyongxnct on all platforms

Oh, you broke my heart I told you I was weak for love But then you went around And did what you wanted to do And now I'm crying, crying

“Don’t you fucking get it Y/n?! There’s nothing going on between me and her! Why are you always so fucking insecure?!”

“Are you being serious right now? I just-“

“Just what Y/n?! Huh?! Do you always have to ruin everything?! One night, one fucking night and you can’t keep your mouth shut! You’re so damn frustrating. It’s fucking New Year’s Eve and you just have to annoy the shit out of me!” Johnny yelled at you. He closed his eyes to calm down, but all he saw was red and he needed to go.

“But Johnny-“

“No! I don’t wanna hear anything. I’m leaving. Happy fucking new year.” He cut you off, he didn’t care about your feelings at that moment. All he wanted was fresh air and be far, far away from you.

“No please don’t go I’m sorry-“

You tried to apologize, but Johnny simply didn’t care.

It was almost midnight and you didn’t want the night to end like this. All you wanted was spend the night with Johnny. Just you, Johnny, wine, and a great dinner. This was your third New Year’s Eve with Johnny and your first New Year’s Eve alone with him. You had spent the last two years with your mutual friends at some party, but this year you wanted to be just with him.

Things escalated quickly.

First he was distracted, he was on his phone the whole dinner and then, while watching a movie he chose, he was also on his phone. Then, he got a phone call and was in your shared bedroom talking for almost an hour.

Your special night together suddenly turned to a shit night for you.

You were suspicious about his behavior. Always on his phone, always talking to someone and whenever you asked whom he was talking to he answered with a simple ‘a friend’.  But you knew exactly who that friend was and when you had enough, you confronted him about her.

Johnny left your apartment, he was slightly tipsy, the wine you drank was in his system and he knew that his next decision was stupid, so dumb and would destroy everything you had built, but in that moment, he didn’t care.

So his next move was to call her and ask her if she was free. It was New Year’s Eve, she was probably at some party or with her family, but she quickly dropped her friends and the party she was at to meet Johnny at her apartment.

The clock struck midnight and instead of kissing you, Johnny’s lips were on her lips and you were finishing the second bottle of wine. You sat on the balcony and watched the firework with tears rolling down your cheeks whereas your boyfriend was kissing another girl, pleasing another girl, and breaking his promises.

That night, you celebrated New Year’s Eve with tears in your eyes and pain in your heart.

Johnny woke up in the middle of the night.

He looked to his left to see you sleeping next to him but when he saw someone else next to him in bed, he remembered what he did. He remembered how he told you that there was nothing going between her and him and then he remembered how he fucked her, how he cheated on you.

“Fuck.” He mumbled as he looked at the clock on the wall.

03:27

He didn’t kiss you on midnight. He wasn’t with you, you weren’t in his arms, someone else was.

Johnny left the apartment without thinking and rushed home to you. Johnny couldn’t describe how much regret he felt, how guilty he felt. He wanted to cry, he wanted to delete last night from his memory.

He unlocked the door and it was dark inside of the apartment, you were probably sleeping. Johnny’s heart was beating against his chest, he didn’t know what to do. Should he tell you what happened last night? Should he tell you he cheated and broke his promises?

Johnny saw you curled up on the couch, your eyes closed but swollen, you wear wearing his hoodie and hugging the pillow tightly. The balcony was still open and the winter breeze entered you apartment. Your body was cold, hands formed to fists and brows furrowed. Two empty bottles of wine on the coffee table and one used wine glass.

Johnny got on his knees and pressed little kisses on your forehead, your cheeks and nose. He wanted to kiss your lips so bad, but his lips still tasted like the other woman he had been with that night.

“B-Baby?” he whispered softly, “Baby, come on let’s go to bed.”

You didn’t react.

Johnny carried you softly to your bedroom and tucked you in your bed. After getting ready for bed, he also got under the covers and pulled your body closer to his and held you tightly in his arms.

“I’m so sorry.” He cried out. Johnny felt terrible, he couldn’t lose you, the only option was to keep it a secret and delete last night from his memory. Johnny fell asleep crying.

You woke up between Johnny’s arms. He was holding you tightly and it didn’t look like you could get out of his arms anytime soon. He was soring softly and you could tell he was tired.

You stayed in bed for another hour and Johnny slowly woke up.

“Can you let me go?” you asked coldly. You were still hurt.

“S-Sorry.” He let go of you and you were about to leave the room but Johnny stopped you.

“Listen… I-I know you’re mad and I know I made a big mistake. I shouldn’t have left. I’m the biggest idiot on the planet, I’m so sorry I left you alone last night and… and the things I said. I didn’t mean them. I love you. Only you.”

Your hand was on the door handle, holding tightly. You didn’t answer, you didn’t know what to say. Were you still mad? Yes. Were you still hurt? Yes. You just wanted to be alone.

“Y-You left me alone o-on New Year’s Eve. You just left me all alone, I wanted to be with you. You know that I don’t have anyone. You know that I’m all alone and you still left. I only have you but you left me too.”

That was true. You had lost your parents a couple years ago and you don’t have any siblings. You don’t have any family left and you have only Johnny in your life. You were never the person to find friends easily, but Johnny was different. You were friends with his friends, but you were too shy and insecure to call them or text them. You hated it.

“I know- I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you, baby. Do you want to have dinner again tonight? I’ll cook. Or we can go out to that restaurant you love, let’s go on a date, hmm? Tell me baby. Tell me what you want.” He got up and walked closer to you. You stepped back on reflex.

Johnny stopped on his tracks and looked at you, worry written all over his face.

“D-Do you hate me that much?” he whispered.

“I-“

You didn’t know what to say.

“I think I need to be alone.” And then you left your bedroom and locked yourself in the bathroom and started crying.

Johnny knew he had to leave you alone, you had to calm down and he needed to find a way to make it up to you. He knew the fucked up, and the secret he carried was haunting him. Whenever he looked at you, he felt his heart ache.

Maybe you were blinded by your love for him or maybe you were just stupid, but you couldn’t be mad at him any longer.

You entered the bedroom and saw Johnny looking on the ceiling like a lost puppy. He instantly got up and looked at you. “D-Do you want me to leave?”

You were still crying and playing with your fingers. “I-I want to go o-on a that date with you. B-But that doesn’t mean I forgive you. I’m still hurt.” You sobbed.

“Okay baby, anything for you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I left you alone. I’ll make it up to you, okay? I love you so much.” He stroked your tears away and cupped your cheeks. “I’m not going to hurt you again.”

Ooh, it seemed like everything was going fine I found the love that I thought was gonna last Then I accidentally saw a few things in your cell I even LOL'd, man, I should've known Why, why you're doing what you do You, you might as well just tell the honest truth See, I'm not really down with this This ain't no texting shit Know I got no biz, But it is what it is

I don't really have much to say I was over it the second that I saw her name

The first couple weeks of January, Johnny acted like the perfect boyfriend. He did everything he could to make you happy, to make you smile brightly at him.

You could see that he tried to make his mistake up to you and you enjoyed how he showered you with love. You were sure that he was the one, that Johnny was your future.

But that one night, January 31, changed everything.

You were waiting for Johnny to finish his shower. It was date night and you decided to go to the movies. While you were scrolling through your Instagram feed, Johnny’s phone ringed non-stop. He received text after text and even two calls and the sound annoyed the shit out of you. You got up to turn his sound off, but when you accidently saw the last text he got, you almost dropped the phone. You didn’t want to go through his texts, but you couldn’t stop yourself from reading the text she sent him.

19:27 Sujin: hey baby, I miss u

19:27 Sujin: are you free tonight? My pussy missed your dick!!!

19:28 Sujin: *picture attached*

It was a picture of her, half naked, you could fully see her breasts.

You should’ve known. You should’ve known that he lied when he told you that there was nothing going on between him and her.

You couldn’t cry, all you could do was laugh. Laugh at how stupid you were.

Why did he lie to you? Why didn’t he just tell you the truth? You were done with him and with his lies. Maybe it was your own fault. You knew that there was something, but you still believed him and took him back that night on New Year’s Eve. He said so much mean and disgusting things to you, Johnny acted like you were crazy and just out of your damn mind. He called you insecure. Johnny called you so many things and in the end, you were right.

You went to your shared bedroom and started packing a couple of your things. You needed to leave. Now.

You couldn’t cry. You wanted to, but you couldn’t. There were no tears left.

You packed some clothes, you weren’t going to move out. He cheated, he broke your heart and he has to leave. But you couldn’t stand being next to him. You would come back when he was gone.

Johnny entered the bedroom with a towel around his waist. His hair was still wet and little drops of water glistened on his body. Suddenly all you could see were her traces on his body. Love bites on his neck, down to his chest.

“Babe?”

You realized you were staring at him a little too long, the love bites were gone and Johnny came closer to you with a smirk.

“We can skip the movie if you want to.” He put two fingers on your chin and leaned down to kiss you, but you pulled back. Almost tripping over your bag.

“Babe? You good?”

“Cut the bullshit Johnny. I want you to leave and take all of your fucking shit with you. We’re done. I’ll come back when you’re gone.”

Johnny looked at you with so much confusion written all over his face. “Babe what are you talking about?”

“Go to your whore. She probably has enough space for you two.” You said with no emotion as you grabbed your bag.

Johnny still didn’t understand what you were talking about. “W-What are you saying? Baby I really don’t understand- What do you mean? Whore?”

You started laughing, “Come on, you know exactly who I’m talking about. She misses you so much Johnny. Poor girl needs her hole filled with your fucking cock. Go to her. She’s waiting for you.”

Johnny still didn’t get what you meant. “Fucking hell, I saw her texts Johnny! I’m leaving.”

It took Johnny a minute to realize what just happened.

You were about to leave the room when he stopped you. “Listen- please just listen to me.”

You scoffed, “There’s nothing you could say, Johnny.”

“T-There was nothing serious. S-She just texted me shit like that-“

“No Johnny! This isn’t just you and her texting, this is about you being not loyal to me. You lied to me, you called me names, you broke all your promises and you still cheated. You cheated on me with her, you don’t have to lie anymore. I won’t stop you anymore. Feel free to do whatever you want. Not that I stopped you from doing whatever you wanted before, but now you don’t need to come back to me anymore.”

You voice was filled with venom, Johnny knew he fucked up and he thought you would never find out, but now that you did, he didn’t know what to do or what to say to keep you, to make you stay.

“No no no don’t go. L-Let’s talk about this. Baby please don’t leave me. I love you.” Johnny started crying. For the first time in your life, you saw him cry.

You didn’t know how to feel about seeing him cry, but you listened to your brain and not to your heart like you always did and your brain told you to leave. You were done with him. So you left without looking back.

I got two, ooh, ooh letters for you One of them's F and the other one's U 'Cause what you gotta do, is go get yourself a clue Only two, ooh ooh letters to choose One of them's F and the other one's U SMH, I'm pressing send on you

Johnny texted you about thousand messages every day since you left. He called and left thousand voicemails. After two weeks, you also got mail with letters. Letters filled with apologies.

You hated him so much, but you couldn’t stop listening to his voicemails or stop reading his texts and letters. Maybe it was because you missed him or maybe you felt better now that he ran after you like a lost puppy. But you couldn’t let go of him if he keeps sending you things like that.

22:04 J: I won’t stop trying.

22:05 J: I love you too much to let you go.

You laughed at that. He loves you? Is cheating his way of loving you? You decided to answer him.

22:10 you: Fuck u Johnny. You don’t know anything about love so just stop and don’t embarrass yourself.

22:10 J: I can’t believe you texted back. I knew you were reading my messages. Please, let’s talk.

22:13 you: Don’t you get it? I don’t want to see you.

22:14 J: Okay, then answer the phone. Let’s just talk.

Your phone started ringing and you almost answered. It rang and rang and he called you again and again, but you never answered.

22:50 you: stop calling. Stop texting. Just leave me alone.

You shook your head angrily.

He left you alone on New Year’s Eve, why was it so hard for him to leave you alone now?  

Could've been this, could've been that We done been there, we done been back You ain't with it, could've said that Why you tripping, let me hit that I ain't trying to argue more. I do it all for you, You know you're my right eye Baby, let me show you

Johnny was about to lose his mind.

After you left nothing made sense anymore. He was lonely. Lonelier than ever. Johnny has many friends but he never left the apartment to hang out with them.

There was no point in going out and coming back to a lonely home.

He missed you, he missed everything about you. He realized, after you left, that he loved so many small things about you. For example, the way you sneezed, that was the cutest sound he has ever heard or the way you always fell asleep with a little smile on your face. A smile he missed.

Johnny missed to see you on the couch, a pillow between your arms because you couldn’t hug Johnny, he had to take a shower or for whatever reason he couldn’t watch tv without you.

Oh, how he wished he could just drop everything and cuddle with you on the couch. You could’ve been in his arms right now, you could’ve been kissing him like you always did. You loved kissing him and he missed the feeling of your lips on his.

He regrets cheating on you. He regrets it so much and there’s not a single day without him crying about that.

Johnny rarely cried, you knew that, but after you left, he couldn’t stop his tears.

He had to show you how much he loved you, how much you mean to him. Johnny had to show you, that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Johnny would do anything to get you back.

Oh, I know what's been going on Don't even try to act like Mr Super Nonchalant What makes you think I'll stick around I'm not as stupid as you sound And you sound really dumb right now From A to Z, ooh I got a lot of nasty things flowing up in my head But none of them are worth my time You're not even worth this rhyme And I don't, I don't give a flying

It was hard for you to find a place to stay and Johnny knew that, but even though he wanted to be with you, he left your apartment so you could stay there. The only friends you had were Johnny’s and it was hard for you to ask them for help, you hated to ask other people for help, because you didn’t want to be a burden. That’s why you stayed in a hotel for two days, until Johnny texted you that he left the apartment. It hurt you a little, the fact that he was gone but you tried to ignore that feeling, just like you tried to ignore everything else he did. You overthink everything and you were scared to annoy his friends with your presence, which wasn’t even the case. After Johnny’s friend heard about what Johnny did and how he broke your heart, they lectured him and were angry. Yes, he was their friend but you were their friend too and what Johnny did was unacceptable. A couple of his friends reached out to you, they wanted to be there for you and help you go through the pain.

A month after your breakup, you met Johnny again. One of your mutual friends held a BBQ party and she insisted for you to come. Of course she told you about Johnny also being invited but you didn’t care about him at that moment. You wanted to have fun, but now, with him right in front of you, you wanted to go back home and hide under your bed. But you wouldn’t show him that.

You felt his eyes on you, no matter what you did or where you were.

Playing beer pong outside, his eyes were on you.

Cutting tomatoes in the kitchen, his eyes were on you.

Drinking your cocktail in the living room, his eyes were on you.

Not like a creep, of course. He watched you like someone who saw the love of their life for the first time and he saw the love of his life for the first time after the breakup. He thought about ways to approach you, to talk to you and apologize, but the timing was always bad.

Except for now.

“Y/n.”

Your turned around as soon as you heard his voice. The others were inside whereas you went outside for fresh air. Johnny followed you, he saw an opportunity to talk to you and he wouldn’t let go of that.

“Don’t walk away- please.”

“Why would I stay here with you?” you scoffed.

“Just listen to me, just once-“

“You think I’m stupid? You think I don’t know what you’re going to say? It’s always the same shit. Oh, I’m so sorry. She doesn’t mean anything to me. Please forgive me. Blah Blah Blah.” You said in a mocking tone.

“But it is the truth! She doesn’t mean anything to me. I just love you, it was a mistake-“

“Johnny, come on. You sound so dumb right now. Just stop. Whenever I see your face, I just want to punch you and her, but you aren’t worth it. She isn’t worth it to be in my head. Fuck you and fuck her. Oh, wait, you did that already, right?”

Maybe you were being a little pathetic right now, but you didn’t care.

I don't really have much to say I was over it the second that I saw her name

“I don’t really have much to say. I was over it the second that I saw he name on your phone.” you said, looking him straight in the eyes. Your voice was so cold, just like your eyes.

“But I have things I need to tell you. I need to tell you how much I love you and how sorry I am. Just listen to me, just this once and If you’re still done with me, than okay, I’ll leave you alone.”

“Fine. I’m so fucking sick of this.” You mumbled.

“I didn’t lie to you on New Year’s Eve. There was really nothing between me and her. She would text me but I never really replied to her. We went out a couple of times, but not just us. We went out with other friends and I barely noticed her. We were just friends, even less than that. On New Year’s Eve you pushed my buttons, I’m sorry to say it like that, but something inside me switched and all I wanted to do is to h-hurt you.” He looked down, ashamed, “I was drunk and angry. A really bad combination. I called her, she invited me to her home and before I knew it, I woke up with her next to me.”

You closed your eyes, you tried to imagine little butterflies and the sea, but all you could see was Johnny with another woman.

“As soon as I woke up, I came home and I-I didn’t know what to do. I hated -hate- myself for what I did that night, for hurting you and leaving you alone like that and for c-cheating on you. I know it’s not an excuse but I was so drunk and I didn’t know what I was doing. It just happened. When I saw you at home, asleep on the couch, it broke my heart. I wish- I wish I could turn back time and stay at home with you that night.”

“Johnny-“

“I’m not done. I deleted that night from my memory. I know it’s stupid but I couldn’t lose you. I was selfish and I thought that you would never find out. B-But that night you saw her messages, you only saw her messages. It looked like we were still texting and s-sleeping with each other. But here-“ he pulled out his phone and showed you their conversation.

“I always told her how much I loved you and that she should leave me alone. That I did the biggest mistake in my life and that you’re the love of my life. I swear Y/n, I am so sorry, so fucking sorry that I hurt you like this. But I mean it when I say that I only love you and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know I did so many mistakes and I totally get that you h-hate me but I want to show you how much I actually love you and I know that you love me too.”

You scrolled through their texts. He said the truth, he always told her to fuck off and leave him alone, she was also blocked now. Johnny told her that he wants only you and that he would spend the rest of his days regret hurting you, but he’d also spend the rest of his days loving you.

“I-“ you didn’t know what to say.

He was right, you still loved him.

“Johnny… can you take me home?”

I got two, ooh, ooh letters for you One of them's F and the other one's U 'Cause what you gotta do, is go get yourself a clue Only two, ooh letters to choose One of them's F and the other one's U SMH, I'm pressing send on you

Johnny was bigger than you and stronger, but right now you felt like you were the stronger one.

You pressed him against the wall as you pressed your lips on his. You caught Johnny off guard but not even a second later, he kissed you back and put his hands on your waist.

“Don’t touch me.” you pulled away to say this and when he thought it was over, you kissed him again. Your hands were on his shirt, slowly pulling it up. When you were done, you pressed your hands lightly on his chest. You loved every inch of Johnny’s body.

Johnny was obviously stronger than you and he could push you away easily, but he couldn’t, until your hands landed on his belt. “N-No, Y/n wait-“ he said as he pulled away.

You ignored him.

You kissed right above his jeans, slowly going up leaving wet kisses on his belly and chest. You couldn’t reach his neck, you wanted to leave love marks, and that made you mad.

“Fucking big asshole. Why do you have to be so big?!”

“Y/n- I thought you wanted to talk? I don’t want you to do anything you might regret later.”

“Just shut up and let me do what I want to do.”

“You’re drunk.” Johnny said. Yes you had a couple cocktails but you knew what you were doing.

“Fuck you, I’m not drunk! Do you want to fuck me or not?!” you yelled now, annoyed that he hesitate so much.

“Of course I want to fuck you but-“

“No buts. Take off your pants.”

Johnny didn’t move. He didn’t know what to do. On the one hand he wanted to feel you close again, on the other hand he was scared to push you further away after having sex with you.

“Fine I’ll do it myself.” And you did. You unbuttoned his jeans, pulled it down along with his boxers and kneeled down.

His cock was semi-hard. The way you acted turned him on and now you’re on your knees looking absolutely beautiful and sexy.

You slowly started pumping his cock and Johnny bit his lip as he watched you. His tip was leaking with precum and you used it to make it easier to pump him. You put your lips on his tip and kissed it and then you licked it like a lollipop. You twirled your tongue on his tip, your hand still pumping him up and down. When you put his cock in your mouth, Johnny’s hands softly gripped your hair.

You pulled away, “No touching.” And he let go instantly. He was going crazy, he needed to touch you.

You put his cock back into your mouth and bopped your head. Johnny’s cock was big, you couldn’t fit all of his cock inside your mouth but the way he hit your throat turned him even more on. He was a moaning mess. You softly played with his balls and you felt him twitch. He was about to cum and right before he could, you stopped and pulled away.

“Fuck- What why did you stop? Are you alright?” he asked you. First frustrated that you stopped him from coming and then worried that he hurt you.

“Lay down.” You ordered him.

Johnny listened. He laid down on your bed and watched you take off your dress and your underwear. A sight he had missed so much, so fucking much.

“You’re so beautiful.”

“Stop talking.” You ignored the butterflies in your belly.

You crawled on top of him and slowly put his cock inside of you. You were definitely wet enough. Johnny lost his mind, he missed being inside of you. He missed being this close to you.

“Fuck, you feel so good.” He moaned and his hands landed on your hips.

You grabbed his hands and pressed them down on each side of his head. “I said no touching, Johnny. No. Fucking. Touching.” You didn’t stop moving your hips as you said that you knew it turned him on as you felt him twitch again.

You weren’t going to lie. You felt amazing. You were embarrassingly close, all you did was sucking his dick and riding him for not even a minute.

You kept your hands on his wrists as you rode him faster and faster. The way you clenched around him, the little sounds that left your from kissing bruised lips, he loved it. Johnny loved you.

“I’m going to c-cum.” He moaned out.

“C-Cum inside of me, I want every drop of your cum Johnny.” You were so close and when Johnny came inside of you and closed his eyes while moaning your name out loudly, you came too.

You let go of Johnny’s wrists and collapsed on top of him as he pulled his cock out of you.

Chest against chest, heartbeat against heartbeat.

Your head was in the crook of his neck and you were breathing heavily. You tried to catch your breath and stop yourself from crying, but Johnny heard you sniffle and not even a second later, you started sobbing in his arms.

“Y/n? Are you crying?” he rubbed your back softly, not sure what else to do.

“Fuck you. I’m not crying I’m dancing you i-idiot.” You cried out.

You couldn’t stop the tears from falling, you didn’t notice how hard you were crying until it got hard to breath.

“Hey hey hey, I’m sorry. Look at me. You have to calm down.” Johnny softly pushed you up and you wrapped your arms around your boobs, suddenly feeling completely exposed and vulnerable.

Johnny was about to move away and you immediately hugged him tightly, you were scared that he would leave after fucking you. You were scared that you were just imagining this and that he wasn’t actually here. But Johnny actually just wanted to give you his shirt.

“Fuck you. I hate you. Y-You broke my heart.” You cried out as you hid your face in his neck.

Johnny slowly stroked your hair and with his other hand he held you tightly. “I’m sorry. I don’t deserve you, but I love you so, so much.”

He was crying too.

“Y-you really don’t deserve me. Fuck you for hurting me, fuck you for cheating on me and fuck you… I-I still… love you.” You finally said it. It was so hard but all the weight on your shoulders vanished and you felt relieved.

“I love you. Only you. Please forgive, please let me love you again. Please I need you so much.” Johnny said and left little kisses on your shoulder.

You pulled back softly and looked him in the eyes. Your eyes were as red as his and full of pain and love.

“Please don’t hurt me ever again, please no matter how much you want to hurt me, just yell at me o-or I don’t know throw something at me… b-but don’t do that again…”

Johnny’s heart ached, he would never forgive himself for hurting you like this, for breaking your heart. It was a punch in the face to hear your words. Was he really such a monster? Yes he was. He was a monster who hurt his better half for something so stupid and now you were suffering. You were always right and he would do anything to make you happy. How could he even get mad at someone as kind and lovely as you? How could he even think of hurting you?

“D-Don’t say that. I will never hurt you again, I promise. I could never get mad at you, Y/n. Everything was my fault, I did this to us and you never deserved this. You are too good for me and I’ll make sure to show you how much I adore you, how much you mean to me. I’ll never let go of your hand.” He took your hand in his and placed a kiss on your knuckles, “I love you, Y/n. Can you give me a second chance?”

You looked him in his teary eyes. You were going to follow your heart and your heart told you to try again. You could see his love for you in his eyes and you could hear it in his broken voice. You were ready to give him a second chance, you could forgive him but you would never forget what he did.

You nodded softly “Y-You have to make it up to me and it won’t be easy.”

“I’ll do anything.”

“Okay.” You breathed out.

“Thank you.” He looked you in the eyes with his brown puppy eyes and you couldn’t stop yourself from pecking his lips. You pulled back and watched his reaction. Johnny smiled softly and both of you slowly leaned in and kissed. A soft and slow kiss, with so much passion and longing.

[petalsmooth]

Ok.

Let’s talk Lili.

First off we only know what stars put out about themselves or other people say about them. We are not friends with these people. We are not in their homes. We don’t usually hear what they say in unguarded conversation. What we know is what is out on social media with some highly distorted soundbites from chats or DM’s with her mother that were exposed.

We were initially presented a portrait pushed by her and her family no less of a middle class family with the standard girl next door hit it big narrative. Down to earth, relatable, somewhat quirky. Strong two parent supportive household. All that was missing were the apron and pearls.

This girl came out of the gates talking about a modernized Riverdale with two girls who would be actually close and not vying for the same redhead. Feel free to add/or correct along the way of course...especially early on when not following as closely.

We got very little in the way of insight into Cole and Lili because they were trying to keep it quiet even if there were hints together. Mostly during this period what fans were fed was that she was slightly awkward socially, maybe not the most intellectual but nice and harmless. She spoke of empowering women, independence, she constantly shut down the idea of Barchie and praised Bughead. Along through the year’s she would speak to social bullying or bullying in general. She would openly talk about struggles with mental health. She’d talk and show her cystic acne and share photos not all airbrushed in ode to body positivity. She’d talk about not having an hourglass figure, and cellulite and often go out in ratty shorts and a bun sans makeup. You see she’d talk about it then follow through by showing lived the walk or calling out photoshops done of her.

Again this is “relatable girl next door quirky Lili” we told was the REAL Lili.

She would frequently talk and post about her family and dogs at home and how much she loved and missed them...though oddly not so much her older sister.

At a certain point it became undeniable Cole and Lili were together to even the hardest deniers. Of course also the Met gala eventually made official for media.

We get have her liking posts such as Miley’s about how lucky she was to have a man who checked off all the boxes. But at times there were glimpses all wasn’t kosher. People have mentioned various cons where she’d be caught flirting somewhere else, or she’d be in a bad mood giving Cole a cold shoulder. We recently saw an old video of them walking and her basically demanding he drop the fans and attend her. We have the con were Camilla is sexually harassing Cole everywhere and Lili doesn’t shut it down until Camilla tries to grind on him. It was so bad even Mads intervened. We have the interview where she is talking over him or rolling her eyes and basically being the unprofessional brat her fans claim she is not. Even though it’s ON CAMERA. Snapping at your co worker/boyfriend and rolling your eyes during a professional interview is not deniable.

Flashforward to the trip to Italy because for me there was always something off about that. That trip was obviously planned far in advance. Clearly Lili was supposed to be there. Her fans quickly blamed Cole because Lili was working. Lili didn’t have to work. It wasn’t a career changing move to do that film. It did not do well. I’m not entirely sure what was happening around that time but I have the sense Cole was disappointed/a  little angry she prioritized it over him accepting very likely the offer AFTER the trip was planned.

Lili spirals during this time. Cole comes back to clean up mess. They are quiet on social media for a long time then slowly emerge again and eventually get the photo booth shots, the wedding and her mingling with NY friends for once. Turns out close to the end for them.

I don’t want to make this a Sprousehart post though although some relevance to bring part of it up. The point is Lili put her career over her relationship. It was a calculated decision. It was also the wrong decision. Her fans talk about her being this warm giving person but that was a cynical call and a pretty lousy thing to do to your boyfriend of several year’s. I’m all for supportive partners but there are time’s where you make sacrifices if you really care for someone and this was a special trip planned long in advance. She blew it off. If I’m the partner she does this too, I question why I’m putting in the effort if it doesn’t mean to them what it means to me. 

TBH I think the bad choices she made there is why tried to make it up by meeting with his friends, the wedding etc...

Something than clearly happened because by January they were done. Not sure we’ll ever know but it looked like they were trying to fix things given the happiness hadn’t seen on Cole’s faces in a long time in those booth pics and then...it was done. We didn’t know at the time, but this is timeline Cole gave. There was a brief attempt at reconciliation where she babysits him at a photo shoot and posts a photo of them in bed and then shortly after...Cole calls it off. 

He heads to LA, she follows him there but not without making sure to shove Casey’s face into her chest to post and rent a place close to where he is staying. She posts weepy messages about the world ending etc....and weird new photos mimicking old shoots with him so naturally people think this means whatever happened they worked through. Around same time she and hers manipulated her fans to try to cancel him earlier because she misunderstood a picture of Kaia....although flat out if he had been with Kaia he was SINGLE and it was no longer her business.

She tries to walk back the firestorm she unleashed on him by “defending” him from a lesser twitter trend after realizing misconstrued the Kaia picture, All summer she weirdly seems to be trying to avoid the topic if they are together or not despite saying once if they weren’t she’d tell people. She finally puts her foot in her mouth one two many times' and Cole confirms they broke up which she doesn’t acknowledge. Because she doesn’t want to be broken up.

As we know know it wasn’t all rainbows on the set even before all this happened as in the musical she’d launched an object at him hard enough to have the crew concerned. Lili fans keep saying Cole is abusive but the only evidence we have of abuse is her towards him. We also had her suddenly doing a 180 from past 4 year’s and excusing cheating with Archie and promoting everyone in her live recaps except Cole/Jughead.

Back to the events following Cole’s post....then we get a sudden string of interviews taking shots at Cole, doxxing him, implying he could have strayed (just to resurrect hate against him) but can’t say he actually did because she has no proof. We know this because in those chats admit it was just suspicion and paranoia and never did have any names.

We learn that Lili has been funneling news and gossip and photos to keep her mother’s hold on the fandom in check and her mother in turn has been bullying people who would stand on Cole’s side. They sought to ruin him. This is not debatable.

For year’s people had made fun and called Bree out for being an obsessive stalker unable to let a relationship go, then Lili starts doing the same. We know she has tried to copy Ari’s style, her mother made a snide comment about breast size, Lili tried to taunt Ari from on set and Ari shut her down. A girl who almost never was in the line of sight of paps suddenly is snapped everyday following break up even before the public new. That doesn’t just happen. She wanted the attention.

I’m not going to go into all of it, you all know it. Suffice to say revealing she has a bitter vindictive attitude she has submersed herself in ever since Cole made it clear no reunion. She won’t even broach the topic of Bughead/Jughead unless forced. You can spin all you like but the split screens was not an artistic choice by RD. It was spurred by need to keep them apart.

Lili last summer was doing precious little other than a post or two of Black Lives matter and then when Cole gets arrested suddenly she jumps on the me too and sets up impulsive lives. Maybe she meant well but a part of me thinks she did it to attract his attention. Notice once she got praise for it and the initial protests faded she more or less doesn’t bring it up anymore. Cole never intended to get attention, it just happened because he’s a star and got taken in to a jail cell. He never put himself on camera for notice. 

Lili also co-opts the murder of a girl to flaunt she thinks she looks good naked. Completely tone deaf. 

Lili very rarely is seen in fan photos, only usually when she’s getting flack for it online. She, a girl who talks about bullying, went on a  midnight tirade against a guy who dares to critique or poetry setting her fans on him. Then deleted it probably because publicist in her ear.

She first said poems not about Cole, than said you could read into what you wanted to sell them. Now she doesn’t want to talk poetry or sequels because it flopped and was critically panned.

There are constant rumors about Lili on sets of productions to point they even had someone on her newer movie try to downplay. Yet we see in a video the cast barely talking and looking tense on a boat. 

The girl who used to talk about body positivity now lets them airbrush abs onto her.

The girl who used to talk of therapy and mental illness now promotes OTC supplements for $ and cults.

If she mentions cellulite she uses other tik toks of people showing not her own. 

She said she would never be on tik tok, yet now has her own and post old videos that aren’t funny.

Lili once tired to attack Cole by talking about losing yourself in drugs or alcohol or sex yet we’ve seen her drug paraphernalia because she advertises. Her friends post and laugh over her being drunk. She was in an off and on relationship with Wallis that doesn’t seem to be about anything but sex.

We were told Coles friends are bad influences but Taylor is out there solicitating questionable clients and making videos slamming LILI’S COWORKER as a bad actor and his brother,

The majority of Lili’s posts no longer feature Sunny or her family/Addy. 

She insulted Vancouver, compared to a prison, and made it clear her creature comforts were of more importance than a pandemic. Not quite the attitude of an empath. Which she claims she is with intention to be a master which require sucking more gullible people into the cult.

She brags about being a “rich man” without understand the context. She went from artistic photos to modeling pinups to fuel her lack of self esteem.

She’s in her mid 20′s, claims she had grown and matured in the last year but there is no evidence of it. Still can’t work with her ex without buffers which still influences show direction though her fans deny.. Still lives off junk food and hangovers. Those glasses aren’t just for sun. Her timeline is mostly an ode to her vanity with pictures of herself and then her dog. She doesn’t seem to have any causes she’s deeply involved in on the side apart from her cult. She’s still stalking Cole as her impulsive makeup tutorial showed. She said she cut out of her life anyone who doesn’t service her. I highly doubt she is receiving quality therapy on the regular right now. She still does not seem to possess the ability to own her mistakes and apologize when warranted, rather deflects or erases when heat becomes too hot.

The content she puts out about herself post break up is very different than the bill of goods fans were sold before. She is a far cry from that quirky girl next door that stood FOR something more than vanity and shallow affirmation. So no, I don’t see what you see in her stans. Everything that once seemed to distinguish her from other spoilt princesses has long faded. 

[fear-and-delight-l]

GENDERSWAPPED!LOSERS

HERE WE GO 

JILLIAN DENBROUGH 

-Jill is very avid about getting her sister, Georgia back. Well, at least the killer anyways. 

-Jill has never finished any of her writing, until she is an adult. 

-aRTiSt??

-Jill gives hugs hugs hugs!!!

-everyone wants her hugs. 

-ok, Jill is very sexually confused. Bradley Marsh is good looking...but so is McKenna Hanlon with her pink lipstick and her always good looking pigtails....then there is Sarah Uris, who is so cute with her blonde/brown curls and her little cheerleading outfit. 

-suffers from stuttering simp disorder 

-simp simp simp

-simp? Yes. 

-ok but I think she would like Plastic Hearts by Miley Cyrus lmao

-FLANNEL GODDESS!!! Has flannels in so many colors. 

-”R-R-Riley, stop m-making fun of m-my j-j-jorts.” 

-oh yeah. She is rocking the jean shorts. They either go to around her knees or near the middle of her thighs. 

-shoulder length brown hair. Screams bisexual. 

RILEY TOZIER

-just gonna put this out there, take it as you will, but her glasses make her look like a fish. Her eyes are HUGE 

-goddess or (what is a non-binary god? Godthem?) of dad jokes. But not the corny kind. The kind of dad jokes that include sleeping with him and “riding him like a horse.” 

-”so not fucking funny.” -Edith Kaspbrak, who’s dad isn’t even present in her life.  -yeah, bisexual.  -sexual for Edith Kaspbrak.  -And Sarah Uris

-And Bradley Marsh

-and Jill Denbrough 

-and Brenna Hanscom

-and Patrick Hockstetter (she regrets this. But when Patrick isn’t chasing her with Bowers and Criss and Huggins, she likes to notice that Patrick is definitely good looking)

-crazy wavy hair. Seriously, she wears it in a pixie cut, and it is CRAZY. But she help Bradley cut away his mullet. 

-the friendship dynamic between Riley Tozier and Bradley Marsh is UNSTOPPABLE!

-plays softball with Jill. She is pitcher, and damn is she good. (Jill plays third base, for reference)

-the girls on the softball team sort of like her, sort of not. She’s a loser, and they don’t like her because everyone thinks she’s queer.  -still a trash mouth 

-still a smartass 

-Rildeth? Edithley? Redith?

BRADLEY MARSH

-all right, here we go. 

-POWER BISEXUAL

-He came out to Riley, and Riley came out to him. 

-daddy issues  

-daddy issues

-daddy issues

-anyways, Bradley had a mullet that his dad made him wear, and when Riley helped him cut it....freedom!

-when he and the other losers are going to the quarry, he likes to help McKenna pick flowers so Sarah will have some to turn into flower crowns  

-is totally charmed by Jill  Denbrough. He is a simp for how charming she is. Bravery, art...

-Bradley also likes to draw. 

-Brenna may be totally smitten with him....

-Bradley is the same age as all the other losers, but the losers all see him as older. 

-hates his father, feels weak around him. 

-he and Riley often share cigarettes. (I love the friendship dynamic here.)

-Bradley has little freckles, and when he and Brenna get together as adults, Brenna likes to kiss all of them. 

-Bradley loves to hang with Sarah, and she is such a sweetie. She gets annoyed, but when she is around Bradley, she is calm. 

-Bradley likes to put his arm around Sarah, ALWAYS

-I’m in love

SARAH URIS 

-WE LOVE OUR JEWISH CHEERLEADER LESBIAN

-yes, Sarah Uris is cheer captain. The other cheerleaders are skeptical of her, but treat her ok nonetheless. 

-Sarah Uris is a softie who will tell you to fuck off. 

-bridwatcher. Sarah loves her birds. She likes to sit with Jill. Jill draws birds while Sarah quietly talk about the birds. 

-Brenna loves to play with her curls, braiding them and doing fun styles with them with the help from McKenna. 

-sundresses one day, shorts and a shirt the next. 

-her hair is so nice! Think...classic curls. Google for reference. 

-the cheerleaders don’t go to track meets or softball games. So, since Brenna and Edith are both in track and Jill and Riley are softball players, she goes in her own cheerleading outfit, and even snags one for McKenna, (who isn’t a cheerleader.) and they both cheer at track and softball. 

-must I remind you that Jill is a simp for BOTH OF THEM. AND BRADLEY?? HE CHEERS THEM ON TOO.

-one time Bradley actually got into a cheerleading skirt??!!

-anyways, back to Sarah.  -she loves to give everyone kisses before leaving. Here’s how she gives them:

Jill: cheek kiss, runs a hand through her hair.  Edith: takes Edith’s face in her hands and kisses her nose. Edith sometimes backs up a little when she feels a little panicky about germs, but always accepts Sarah’s kiss.  Bradley: forehead. She ruffles his hair, and sometimes, Bradley kisses her chin as she is kissing his forehead.  McKenna: near her lips. Like, the corner of her mouth. 🥺 Brenna: cheek kiss. She holds brenna’s chin while kissing her.  Riley: straight on the lips. Or the forehead if you song ship stozier. -ok, I am a huge fan of Sarah+Riley....but then there is Edith. Poly??? Possibly 

-anyways, Sarah loves to make flower crowns and put them in bradley’s hair. 

-she and Brenna are very close. If Sarah isn’t next to Bradley, or has Riley’s arm around her shoulders, she is with Brenna, either holding her hand or showing her stuff about plants or birds. She gives Brenna constant praise about the barrens 

-very grumpy a lot.

BRENNA HANSCOM

ok, Brenna is straight. I didn’t change that.  -Brenna thinks constructively, and is a visual learner. Constantly thinks about the future. 

-ok, she is so so so sweet. Likes to wear this cute pink skirt, but only around the losers. 

-POETRY

-She loves to read and wrote poetry. It’s so cute I just can’t aaaah-

-ok, so she’s on the track team. Edith convinces her in 10th grade. 

-HAIR CLIPS! she has them in her hair, and tons extra in her backpack. 

-Bradley loves it when Brenna plays with his hair and puts clips in it. 

-she and Bradley are very good friends. 

-she may be straight, but isn’t uncomfortable when Sarah holds her hand or Riley talks about her gay situation or when Jill tells her she’s pretty. She just isn’t gay but she loves and supports her gay friends. She even kissed McKenna in a game of spin the bottle

-poor baby has body insecurities...

-ugh, she hates Henry Bowers. But she loves ice cream! She likes vanilla because it’s sweet and plain. 

-when they have sleepovers, everyone always has a disc of New Kids on the Block to play for her (AAA!)

-Riley literally swore to protect her. Even though Riley’s sarcasm can be demeaning, she trusts her. 

-Brenna Hanscom, a sweetie that will fight for you.

McKenna Hanlon, the badass vegan who definitely has WAP. 

-ok, I didn’t change her race, she is still black. 

-McKenna is a sign of hope. Everyone feels so uplifted around her. 

-she has this signature pink lipstick she wears everyday the Greta Bowie makes fun of, but she still wears it. 

-she loves bubblegum. McKenna has it ALL THE TIME. 

-inspiration? Yes. She is a goddess. 

-ok, she is so nice, but that gun she has? Pennywise doesn’t stand a chance. McKenna is a fighter. 

-McKenna has these cute little pig tails that she wears with purple ribbons. Jill loves to listen to her talk. 

-definitely the least insane of all the losers, but girl knows how to have fun!

-not a huge smoker, but occasionally will share one with Bradley. 

-the friendship between McKenna and Bradley is impeccable. They are a badass duo. 

-I don’t know what her sexuality is. She definitely doesn’t. Although she and Jill got caught making out in a closet. They said it was no strings attached....suspicious.

-she is indeed vegan. She just has a special love for animals and can’t bring herself to eat them. She isn’t protesting everyone to go vegan, she just eats how she wants. She occasionally slips and goes for ice cream though😉

-at the rock war, after she recovered a little from Bowers, SHE BEAT HIS ASS!

-my queen, gosh I love her!

-she is so much fun to be around. One time, in the barrens, she installed a swing so she could sit in somethin because Riley and Edith and Sarah are always in the hammock together. (It’s bound to break). 

-need a therapist? She’s ya girl. 

EDITH!!

-ok, so this looks very soft girl, but Edith is fiery!  -her mom makes her worry a lot about disease and what not, but her anxiety about what her mom may do is worse. 

-seriously, she is scared of her mother. She doesn’t even know if her sickness are real. 

-anyways, don’t fuck with her. She will bite you. 

-no seriously, she will bite you. One time in a fight with Hockstetter, she bit him. She was worried she might have gotten something in her mouth, but Sarah calmed her down.  -she may bicker with Riley, but really, she loves her. Her and her stupid glasses, 

-anyways, she is a sweetie. She runs track, but as long as Riley is waiting on the sidelines with her inhaler at the end, she is alright. 

-someone give this girl a hug. 

-internalized homophobia towards herself. 

-she and Bradley are good, they just aren’t as close. Edith is closest with Jill. 

-Edith looks up to Jill, big time. 

-Edith hates her mom very very much. 

-she wears cute little tops with shorts or skirts. Occasionally she will wear overalls. 

-fuck greta Bowie campaign? Yeah, Edith started it.

-Fanny pack! She has an extra pair of glasses for Riley, Bobby pins for Sarah, an extra pen or pencil for Jill, a mini stick of Bradley’ favorite deodorant, hair clips for Brenna, and McKenna’s favorite bubblegum. 

-Riley calls her Eds. She hates it because it sounds like a boy name. She hates it even more when Riley calls her Eddie. 

-kisses tears away. Crying? She will kiss your cheeks and wipe those tears away. She did that when Brenna got cut by Bowers. 

-inhaler? Yes. It’s her little beacon of safety. 

-ice cream and comic books with Riley, bird watching and flower crowns with Sarah are her favorites! 

-doesn’t know her sexual preference, she’s just not straight. 

-butterflies always land on her when she’s outside. One landed on her nose once and Riley and Sarah started rock-paper-scissoring for who got her. (That was long forgotten since Riley is a sore loser.)

-my baby has long hair is very slight waves. It goes down to her breasts. 

-likes to wear Jill’s Flannels. 

-OK SHE IS SO CUTE IN A PAIR OF BAGGY JEANS AND A TANK TOP, WEARING SOMEONE’S JACKET OMG

-Edith is cold? Never. She always has someone’s something, whether it’s McKenna’s iconic leather jacket or Jill’s flannels

................................................................................................................................

Ok! Those are my headcanons. Feel free to repost, I don’t give a damn. If you want drawings or more headcanons of them, I am always open. I had this posted on my old account but that got taken down....I was previously coffeeandweasleys

@im-a-rocketman​, @nate-isnt-great​ @imreddieimreddieimreddie​ @ur-not-reddie​

[slipping-through-my-fingertips]

If Glee did a Taylor Swift Tribute Episode...

Just my opinions, feel free to add on to them. I know I have some fellow gleek swifties following me. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Obviously they have to do some of the hits but I think some people would have some out of the box picks.

*This post assumes all Taylor songs are available to choose from as of May 14th 2021 but focuses on Taylor’s first 6 albums (if you want more glee and Taylor I have fics with that; LOVER and FOLKLORE) and takes liberties with where this episode’s placement is in terms of canon. But since it’s all made up anyway who cares (but Blaine’s involved so I guess season 3 idk).*

Okay, trying to do a full plot here (completely inspired by @kurtdeservesbetter head canon posts. I hope this lives up to her fabulous posts). This will be my version of glee so everyone gets solos and Rachel can’t hog the spotlight. Also, this is about to be super long (both post wise and episode wise).

Let’s open the first episode with

...Ready For It because the New Directions are in their reputation era. Santana does the opening cough centerstage. Everyone in black and/or camo green outfits (can you just see Kurt in a dark green bedazzled snake jacket, Santana in a black leather dress, and Tina digging out some goth clothes for people to borrow?), snakes everywhere, but probably no Karyn (she just wouldn’t fit on the auditorium stage). Santana takes the first verse but we have Blaine step up for verse 2. (I just love their friendship in the Michael tribute, cute little badasses are BACK. Also him singing “Burton to this Taylor” is such a Klaine thing to do).

Everyone is still dressed in their rep outfits but we’re in the choir room now. Mr. Schue is talking about why Taylor had to disappear and clap back with rep, how rough the industry is for women and tries to uplift the ladies in the room and encourage them to not silence their voices (cue snarky comment from Santana about Rachel needing to be silent).

Then, Mr. Schue goes on about how you can only understand how Taylor got to her rep era by studying her earlier music. So we have a performance of Tim McGraw. Simple, front of the choir room performance, maybe Puck does guitar, and sitting on stools.

Everyone is surprised to find out how pumped Sam is for this assignment but he is all over it. “It's about time we did some country in this room.” Cue Sam and Quinn at her locker talking about their ‘date’ last night, Sam’s all cute and teasing and Quinn is not into it. She tells him it was fun but she was wrong, they shouldn’t do this again. In turn, he does a wonderful performance of Bye Bye Baby. He thought it was more but clearly he’s “a part of her past.”

Then, we’re in the empty choir room. Tina and Mike are there. (I love their cutesy duets) They sing Everything Has Changed and it’s utterly adorable. Can’t you hear Mike asking Tina if she’s “good to go” like Ed does? And while we’re on the subject of cute duets and RED, we flash to the courtyard to see Santana and Brittany. They turn Stay Stay Stay into a duet. “I’ve been loving you for quite some time,” “before you I only dated self-indulgent takers who took all their problems out on me,” “no one else is gonna love me when I’m mad, mad, mad,” and “it’s occurring to me that I’d like to hang out with you for my whole life” it’s perfect for them. Adorable ladies kisses are had.

Let’s toss in some boy drama for fun. Idk shit about football but somehow Puck is praised by their coach over Finn, which gets him all pissy, and Puck’s upset and jealous because Finn is back with Quinn now (this is why Quinn shut Sam now earlier, she changed her mind). Can we say duet of Bad Blood? “So if you’re coming my way...just don’t.”

After their dramatics, we have a Brittany solo in the choir room. It’s after school at this point (or whenever glee club is). Brittany does You’ll Always Find You Way Back Home.

When she finishes Mr. Schue tries to explain that it’s a Hannah Montana song. Britt injects that it’s confusing how she’s really Miley Cryus “like how can you be two people at once?”. Before Mr. Schue can continue, Kurt pipes up “you never specified that the songs had to be sung by Taylor Swift, just that they were her songs.” Mercedes adds, “yeah, Mr. Schue, Taylor wrote that song.” Mr. Schue concedes that he has once again been outwitted by Kurtcedes. The friends do their little hand shake thing.

With a sigh, Mr. Schue asks Mike if he’s ready to go and Mike asks to take things to the auditorium for some dancing room. Everyone’s on stage with him and it’s kind of a group number but Mike is the focus. It’s Shake It Off. All inspired by the music video. He’s tried to fit in elsewhere (i.e. football, with the smart kids, etc..) but he’s really himself in glee when he’s dancing.

Part 2 of Taylor Tribute Episodes

We begin with an ALL GIRL NUMBER of A Place In This World. Just because.

Glee is dismissed and we zoom in on Artie. He’s watching Tina with Mike and Brittany with Santana. Both Tina and Britt have broken his heart by this point. So, he’s rolling down the halls singing A Perfectly Good Heart. While Artie’s soloing, we cut to Rachel watching Finn and Quinn chatting. Artie’s song playing over this scene. Rachel is feeling similar to him at the moment.

She’s pretty sure Finn dumped her to be with Quinn again even though Kurt and Blaine told her they saw Quinn and Sam at the movies last night together making out in the back row. Fine, if that’s how he’s going to be, she doesn’t need him anyway. Cue Mr. Perfectly Fine. Uber dramatic solo performance walking around McKinley’s halls watching Finn and Quinn together ending in the auditorium alone. (see what I did there, both broken hearted peeps singing a song with Perfectly in it (this was not at all planned, actually, happy accident))

After some good old heartbreak, we have Kurt and Blaine on screen. Blaine walks into the auditorium to see Kurt sitting on the edge of the stage. “What’s all the fuss?” he asks from the door. Kurt had texted him “EMERGENCY.” The band starts to play and Kurt just starts singing, Enchanted. It’s time to profess their love for each other, just like they sing Perfect together in the car, this duet needs no audience. Blaine catches up and sings while walking towards his boyfriend. It’s very reminiscent of past New Directions competitions where they come in from the back and make their way to the stage. “Wondering if you knew I was enchanted to meet you?” Kurt and Blaine both know the answer to that question now but just a few months ago they were both wondering that exact thing.

They kiss before we cut to Kurt and Blaine walking hand in hand into the choir room where everyone else is already. Mr. Schue is praising the performances thus far and of course asks Rachel if she’s ready to solo (some practice for her completion solo). This causes an uproar from Mercedes and Santana. Another classic argument of how she gets too many solos. Mr. Schue tries to shut them both down but Santana tells Rachel to watch her back, and we get three very different reactions to this. 

All three girls storm out.

First, we visit Mercedes alone in the courtyard. This solo is all about being hurt over this great thing in her life (glee) and her being denied happiness within that club. Thus, Cold As You. (mostly to indulge myself because she’d blow us away with this song).

Next, Rachel in the auditorium. A huge bridge on stage (very Speak Now Tour of her), belting out Better Than Revenge. Santana’s dropped the last straw (the humiliation, name calling, Finn at one point and now solos,) it’s too much this time.

And finally, Santana walking around McKinley, showing us flashes of Rachel ‘outshining’ her and the rest of glee and Mr. Schue being unfair, while singing Look What You Made Me Do.

Tina walks out at the same time as Rachel, Mercedes, and Santana but no one seems to put two and two together. She feels just as underutilized as the latter two do. She ends up in an empty classroom and sings The Outside. “Nobody ever lets me in” and “on the outside looking in.”

Once the 3, err 4, divas have left the room, Finn sticks up for Rachel. Quinn, of course, has something to say about this along the lines of “you always defend her.” Finn, intimated by her ‘scary Quinn’ fumbles and blurts “because she’s my girlfriend” WHICH IS NOT TRUE AT THIS POINT. Quinn dumps him on the spot, cuts quickly to Blaine and Kurt sharing some ‘oh my god, can you believe this’ expressions, and vanishes from the room.

By this point, Rachel is long gone from the auditorium but the bridge is still there.

Here’s where we go way off script but imagine, Quinn has decided to just quit boys. They’ve all failed her anyway, she’s better off being alone. She walks up the bridge and thinks to herself “god Rachel’s so dramatic, where did this thing even come from” before it hits her “fuck, I’m as bad as Finn. I want her.” Then, she starts singing Clean to herself in the auditorium, likely tearing up throughout and ending with a good cry. (Because Dianna would DELIVER with Clean.)

While Quinn is having a sexuality crisis, the rest of glee is still happening. They’re discussing upcoming competition and debating solos and songs.

Kurt’s all: “Mr. Schue, if I may” and performs a lovely rendition of Call It What You Want. Those opening lines are too good. “My castle (ie McKinley) crumbled overnight, brought a knife to a gun fight (ie couldn’t fight off Dave Karofsky), “I’m doing better than I ever was ‘cause my baby’s fit like a daydream,” and “at least I did one thing right.” When he’s done, Blaine’s a mess in the back of the choir room, and Mr. Schue says: “not really what we’re looking for but very nice, Kurt” however, Kurt’s too busy sitting beside Blaine teasing him about blushing.  

Then, the missing girls return to the room having sung out their emotions. Quinn, having realized her feelings for Rachel, ends up soloing You Belong With Me to the New Directions in the choir room. Odd looks all around, no one knows what’s up with her and why does she keep glancing at Rachel? (Faberry just fit so well I had to add it, don’t know if I’m a shipper or not but it’s here now) (also thanks to @spicygemini for pointing out the obvious “Quinn would have ate YBWY”).

Mr. Schue wants to move the group to the audition to perform their final number of the Taylor Swift tribute well but Tina asks to sing first. He’s surprised but allows it, taking a seat with the rest of the New Directions.

Tina sings Beautiful Ghosts. “Watch from the dark, wait for my life to start” because New Directions is refusing to use her talents AGAIN. She’s singing this to Rachel and the girls who were in the Treble Tones. Because she absolutely SMASHES this number, the glee kids agree she gets solo for their next competition (and they deliver on that promise).

To conclude Part 2 of the Taylor tribute episode, we have a group performance of Long Live. “One day we will be remembered”, “all the years we stood there on the sidelines wishing for right now”, “for a moment a band of thrives in ripped up jeans got to rule the world” ie wining completions, “when they look at the pictures please tell them my name...”

[buriedinbaltimore]

Imagine the foxes playing two truths and a lie...

The upperclassmen start playing it as a drinking game one night and Neil is intrigued. Andrew is also intrigued but doesn’t show it and refuses to play.

They are all already pretty tipsy, with Kevin, Matt, Nicky, and Aaron pretty much drunk.

Allison goes first, she has an amazing poker face and calmly says all three statements with no facial twitches or vocal cues. “my first car was a Toyota Camry (truth), my prom dress cost over $10k (lie), and I once made out with Miley Cyrus (truth)”

Renee, Neil, and Aaron guess right, Matt, Dan, Kevin, and Nicky have to drink.

Then it’s Matt’s turn and he is terrible, he starts snickering before he opens his mouth. “I’ve swam with sharks (truth)” he says, but he cannot control his face and it keeps contorting as he tries to maintain a neutral expression. He takes a deep breath to try and control his giggles, “my favorite flower is sunflowers (truth)” then he can’t hold it in anymore and starts hysterically laughing and chokes out, “My favorite city in the world is Newark, NJ (lie)”

Everyone gets it right and Matt has to drink.

Dan is next, she goes for the “one of these is so out there and crazy it can’t be a lie...or is it?” method.

((It is.))

“I’ve never shot a gun (truth), as a kid my favorite food was celery with ranch dressing (truth), and when I was 18 I won the lottery but the ticket was ruined and I couldn’t claim the money (lie)”

Aaron jumps in with “Obviously you never won the lottery, how would you even know if the ticket was destroyed”

Dan has her story ready. “When I first turned 18, I played the same numbers every week. It went on for a few months when my numbers were picked, but by that point playing was more of a habit than anything else and I wasn’t too careful with my tickets. I searched for it everywhere and found that I left it in my jeans pocket when I did my laundry.”

Allison asks what the numbers were, and Dan answers with no hesitation, which makes Allison tilt her head and stare into Dan’s eyes. Dan looks back without guile, totally relaxed.

Nicky is looking at her with his eyes wide and mouth slightly open and asks how much money she would have won

When Dan answers $53 million dollars Nicky gasps and Matt groans.

Neil, Renee, and Allison get it right, but everyone else falls for it.

When its Nicky turn he forgets to say a lie.

He is sitting there trying to come up with something for what feels like forever while every goads him for taking so long.

Finally, after waiting 5 minutes, Kevin says “I’m going because Nicky obviously can’t come up with anything” and Nicky jumps across Kevins lap and goes “No no no no no, I’ve got it!”

Without moving off Kevin he says “I’m allergic to shellfish, I died my hair green once, and I’ve read all the twilight books three times“ He moves back to his spot looking pleased with himself.

Everyone starts discussing theories until Andrew says in his bored, flat voice, “Nicky, those are all true”

Nicky starts to protest, thinks for a second, then just says “Fuck!” and takes a shot.

Kevin rolls his eyes so hard that his entire head rotates then says, while slightly slurring, “Okay, my turn! I’ve played a game of pick up basketball once (lie), I know all the lyrics to We Didn’t Start the Fire (truth), and I’ve traveled to over a dozen countries (truth).”

Matt starts hysterically laughing again, “You know all the lyrics to We Didn’t Start the Fire! oh my god Kevin you are such a nerd!” everyone else starts laughing at Kevin too.

“Maybe I do, maybe it’s the lie!”

“Everyone knows you’ve never played a sport besides Exy in your life Kevin” Dan says, “Will you sing it for us? Please, please, please!”

Allison, Nicky, and Matt join Dan in asking Kevin to sing. Renee even says, “It would be lovely to hear you sing it Kevin” to which Kevin blushes a little and answers, “Maybe later” and then takes his shot.

Aaron is drunk enough at this point to spill some truths he otherwise never would, and will wish for the rest of his life that he never had.

“When I was little, I wanted to be a figure skater when I grew up.(truth)”

Everyone goes completely silent and stares at him unsure whether to laugh or not but he doesn’t realize and continues

“The first time I got high I thought the squirrels in the tree wanted to adopt me as their squirrel king (truth), and I hate Taylor Swift (lie)”

No one says anything at first, and just when Aaron starts to realize something is up, Nicky says “Nah man, you LOVE T. Swift, you can’t deny it!”

They collectively make a silent agreement to ignore this new information about Aaron until he sobers up a bit and can either defend himself, or will be more fun to tease.

In the end, everyone but Renee guesses right, but she guessed wrong on purpose because she didn’t think that Aaron should be having any more to drink.

When it’s Renee’s turn, she smiles sweetly and says, ”I can juggle up to 7 balls (truth), I have never drank diet soda (lie), and I once had a pet turtle named Vincent (truth).”

No one is confident about which is the lie and it is the longest the foxes debate after anyones turn. It doesn’t help that Renee refuses to answer questions, and whenever someone tries to ask her anything she just smiles and shrugs.

It comes out to Neil and Aaron getting it right, while everyone else has to drink.

“How the fuck has it never come up that you’re a master juggler?” Allison asks angrily

“It wouldn’t be appropriate to do it at practice, and we’re not really around balls much otherwise.”

Everyone asks for a demonstration, “I will juggle later if Kevin will sing.”

Everyone looks at Kevin who sighs but says “Okay, fine!”

They all cheer then wait eagerly for Neil to go.

Neil sits quietly for a little while, not as long as Nicky, but long enough that Aaron says, “Come on this should be easy for you! You lied to us all for a year, what’s the problem, the truth?”

Neil shoots him a dirty look but doesn’t respond for a few more seconds then says,

“My mom and I once helped deliver a baby at a truck stop in Alberta, I’ve been bitten by a camel, and I can speak 7 languages”

Everyone just stares at him.

“Two of those things are true?” Matt finally asks

“Yeah.” Neil says, shrugging. Everyone is silent again.

Nicky turns to Andrew for help, but he refuses to say anything. His eyes are bright with interest though and he looks at Neil for a long time. Internally, he thinks the one about helping birth a baby has something off about it.

After much debate, Allison, Kevin, and Matt guess the baby, Renee, Dan, and Aaron guess the camel, and Nicky says the languages, “No one can know SEVEN languages!! I won’t believe it!”

They all turn to Neil expectantly and he says, “It was the first one, we were just outside Vancouver, in British Columbia, not Alberta.”

“But you, Neil Josten, have helped deliver a baby?” Allison asks incredulously.

“Technically I wasn’t Neil Josten yet…”

Everyone groans. Everyone takes a shot.

Cut to 15 minutes later, Renee is juggling an exy ball, some apples, and Matt’s phone while Kevin sings. Nicky tries to sing along with Kevin but definitely doesn’t know the right words, Aaron is watching Renee wide eyed, Dan and Matt are playing air guitar behind Kevin, and Allison is looking for more things for Renee to juggle. Neil and Andrew sit quietly on a desk holding cigarettes, observing their idiot friends.  

Stories Behind the Truths and Lies

Allison

My first car was a Toyota Camry (truth) - Allison’s parents wanted her to learn how to drive in a safe car that wouldn’t draw a lot of attention, so they got her a Camry. She only drove it for 3 weeks before demanding an upgrade.

My prom dress cost over $10k (lie) - This was almost true. She had ordered a custom Zac Posen dress but before it was finalized she made her decision to go to PSU and play Exy, and her mother canceled the order. She ended up wearing something she found in a vintage store that she altered herself. She ended up enjoying it a lot, which led to her decision to study fashion. (In my hc she played professional Exy for 3? seasons but was injured and then started her fashion line.)

I once made out with Miley Cyrus (truth) - While out clubbing one night she met Miley through mutual friends, they were attracted to each other, they made out. Miley asked for her number but Allison wasn’t looking for anything more than a hook up.

Matt

I’ve swam with sharks (truth) - He did this with his mom on a vacation and they both loved it. They also have a tradition where they watch at least one night of shark week together, or at least call each other to talk while they are both watching.

My favorite flower is sunflowers (truth) - No story lol I just think he would like sunflowers.

My favorite city in the world is Newark, NJ (lie) - I love thinking about New Yorker Matt. Raised on the Upper East Side, dad a top plastic surgeon, mom a public figure? Child grew up surrounded by serious privilege. HC that in fifth grade he made friends with a boy who was on scholarship at his school. Let’s call him… Metin. He lived in Queens? He took the subway? Matt goes to his house one day and it is 1/8th the size of his apartment and there are 9 people living there; Metin’s parents, two grandparents, his uncle, his two sisters, and his cousin. They all speak Turkish in the house and it’s loud and crowded but so full of life and love and Matt loves it. He and Metin grew apart when Matt started using, but before that they were best friends for years and explored the city together, Matt learning about and experiencing so much culture that for the first 9 years of his life he didn’t know existed. When Nicky wanted to go to Times Square for New Years Matt knew he had to be a good host and take them but inside he was DYING. I’m getting off track. No New Yorker could ever like Newark. I’m not convinced anybody could like Newark. It is indeed, very laughable.

Dan

I’ve never shot a gun (truth) - Dan hates guns and refuses to shoot one.

As a kid my favorite food was celery with ranch dressing (truth) - Idk I just thought this was cute. And also thinking about young Dan who didn’t have a lot of access to healthy foods getting celery sticks and ranch with her free school lunch and getting SO excited. Trading her cookie to a classmate for their celery.

When I was 18 I won the lottery but the ticket was ruined and I couldn’t claim the money (lie) - I like to think this is part true. After Dan turned 18 but before she was recruited for the Foxes, she played lotto a lot, always with the same numbers that she got from a fortune cookie that said, “Failure is not defeat until you stop trying.” She stopped playing once she signed with Wymack.

Nicky (all truths)

I’m allergic to shellfish - Mostly I love that Andrew knew all these things about Nicky, especially his allergy because he’s always looking out to make sure Nicky doesn’t eat something he can’t.

I died my hair green once - At first, when he took custody of the twins and started showing up for them at school at stuff, he hated the looks he got. He was a 19 year old kid who was supposed to be their guardian? Not to mention the way people eyed his skin and hair when he said he was family. One day he decided to dye his hair blond and he asked Andrew and Aaron to help, to try to bond. Aaron wanted nothing to do with it, but surprisingly, Andrew seem enthusiastic about the idea. He bought the dye and did everything for Nicky in the kitchen. When he was finally done roughly washing the dye out of Nicky’s hair, Nicky went to the bathroom to see how he looked and saw that Andrew had died his hair green. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh at the prank or cry because he foolishly thought he might be getting through to Andrew. When he went back to the kitchen, he tried to laugh it off and said maybe he should go to a salon to get the color right. Andrew told him he was stupid to try and change how he looked just because people were dumb enough to think that families needed to look alike. Besides, they weren’t a family anyway.  “Family” is a toxic excuse for things people put up with, a reason we accept the tragedies and inconveniences forced upon us. (Nora’s words) Nicky was upset, and dyed his hair back to his natural color once the roots started growing in, but he reaffirmed his commitment in that moment that he would show the twins what Erik had shown him, what a family could really be.

I’ve read all the twilight books three times - Nicky was a huge fan of twilight, even going to the midnight release party for the last book. He was disappointed in the movie adaptations but loved the casting and watched for the eye candy. He is loving the twilight renaissance especially the twilight is gay discourse.

Kevin

I’ve played a game of pick up basketball once (lie) - Kevin has never played a game of basketball, or soccer, or tennis, or baseball, or any other sport for that matter and can not understand why anyone would want to.

I know all the lyrics to We Didn’t Start the Fire (truth) - Kayleigh Day was a big music fan, she loved everything from classical to country, but one of her favorite artists was Billy Joel. After she died and Kevin moved into Evermore, he almost forgot about her music because the music at the Nest was all chosen for pragmatic reasons, like its BPM and ability to pump the players up. One day, when Kevin was around 15 years old, a rebellious Raven played his own music while training in the weight room. He and his partner were the only ones in there until Riko and Kevin showed up, and they turned it off as soon as they realized they had come in, but Kevin heard some of “Only the Good Die Young” and for the first time in a long time had a vivid memory of his mother. He asked the boys what had been playing, and Riko scoffed at the name Billy Joel. That night while Riko was sleeping, Kevin downloaded Billy Joel’s Greatest Hits and listened until he feel asleep, and he continued listening to it for weeks until he started remembering more of his mothers songs from his childhood. We Didn’t Start the Fire was one of his favorites because history.

I’ve traveled to over a dozen countries (truth) - Between travel through Europe with his mom while she spread Exy and professional appearances he made with Riko, Kevin is the most well traveled besides Neil.

Aaron

When I was little, I wanted to be a figure skater when I grew up. (truth) - When Aaron was around four or five, he watched the winter olympics on TV and fell in love with figure skating. Tilda never bothered to get him skating lessons, but one day, when Aaron was seven, there was an attempt to revive the Ice Capades. Aaron never thought he would get to go, but Tilda surprised him with tickets. It is one of the few really good memories he has of his mom.

The first time I got high I thought the squirrels in the tree wanted to adopt me as their squirrel king (truth) - I just imagine Aaron trying his mom’s drugs for the first time alone in the back yard, laying flat on his back looking up at a family of squirrels, saying, “I’m king of the squirrels!!!”

I hate Taylor Swift (lie) - Katelyn is a HUGE Taylor Swift fan. When they first started hanging out, Aaron didn’t really like her music but didn’t want to say anything. Eventually he started associating her with Katelyn though, and he loves watching Katelyn sign and dance so much that he now genuinely enjoys her music.

Renee

I can juggle up to 7 balls (truth) - Renee always had a natural juggling talent. She never really tried to learn, it was just always something she could do.

I have never drank diet soda (lie) - She does prefer non-diet soda, but she has tried diet before.

I once had a pet turtle named Vincent (truth) - Vincent was a gift from one of her mother’s boyfriends, the only one Renee ever remotely like. He was horrible to her mother, but had a soft spot for Renee and treated her kindly. They broke up after a couple of months, and he gave her Vincent as a parting gift. She had him until she got arrested, she couldn’t go back home to get him and when her mother went to prison he died.

Neil

My mom and I once helped deliver a baby at a truck stop in Alberta (lie) - This happened while Neil and his mom were on the way to Seattle. It was the middle of the night and they stopped to get gas a few hours out from Vancouver when they heard a woman screaming. There was nothing around for miles and only one other car in the lot that had been there when they pulled in. His mother immediately dropped the gas pump and Neil was already back in the car when the screaming stopped and his mother hesitated. Neil had never seen his mom hesitate with a potential threat around before, and he listened closely to try and understand why she stopped. All he heard was a woman panting harshly, but it sounded almost as though there was a rhythm to it. Mary signaled for him to get out of the car, and ordered him to grab some blankets, the first aid kit, and water bottles and follow her. They walked behind the locked public bathrooms, and found the woman squatting, with tears running down her face. Mary wasn’t very gentle or comforting, but she told the woman in a calm and confident voice that they were going to help. Neil didn’t do much, but he let the woman hold his hand and squeeze until he thought she would break it. He gave her sips of water between her contractions and did anything else his mother said. Once the baby was out, wrapped in a blanket, and in its mothers arms, Mary grabbed Neil and they left without another word to the woman. She stared after them, confused and grateful. Neil and his mother never spoke of it again.

I’ve been bitten by a camel (truth) - Neil and Mary spent a few days in Dubai to get some papers from a specialist there before traveling back to North America. The man did his business out of a racetrack where they held camel races. To get to his office, they had to travel through the back part of the track that the jockeys used to get the camels into position. Neil got too close to one of the camels and it bit his arm, luckily (or not), the jockey was in the middle of beating it and before it closed its mouth too tightly, landed a blow that caused the camel to immediately open its mouth again. Once he was freed, Neil was out of reach in a millisecond.

I can speak 7 languages (truth) - English, German, French, Russian, Hebrew, Czech, Greek. (To clarify he can speak 7 languages but he wouldn’t necessarily call himself fluent in all 7) We all know English, German, French, and Nora had a hc that Andrew and Neil learn Russian so they can talk to each other even with the cousins around which I love. Hebrew - In my hc Neil is jewish, as are Mary and Nathan. After running away, Mary didn’t know where to go once she had left her brother. She didn’t speak any other languages besides English, but she could understand Yiddish from hearing her grandparents and sometimes her parents speaking it growing up, and she could understand Polish from her time married to Nathan. She didn’t want to go to Poland in case any of Nathan’s contacts recognized her, so she decided to go to Israel. She knew there were communities there that spoke Yiddish and she was familiar if not comfortable with Hebrew from going to temple when she was younger. But most importantly she knew Nathan didn’t have any regular contacts there. While they were there, along with learning Hebrew, Mary pretended to be interested in converting to Greek Orthodox in order to get secret Greek lessons for her and Neil. After a while but sooner than she had hoped, Mary got a warning that Nathan had figured out where they were. She didn’t think it would be wise to go directly to Greece so she decided to move them to Prague next, since Czech and Polish are fairly similar and she really had no other ideas. While in Prague she continued her and Neil’s Greek lessons, and they went on to Greece eventually. Mary didn’t want them to lose any of the languages they learned, so she came up with a system that on certain days of the week they would speak to each other in certain languages. After Mary died, Neil pretty much gave up on Czech and Hebrew because he hadn’t been surrounded by them in so long and he hadn’t used either except with Mary since they moved from Prague or Israel. They had lived in Greece for longer than they had in Prague or Israel though, moving to a few different cities, so he felt stronger with Greek.

Fin. 

This is my first time writing anything fanfiction, my first time doing any creative writing at all really, and I would love any and all feedback!! Thanks for reading this long ass post, I hope it wasn’t terrible!!

[cacoetheswriting]

angels like you

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Warnings: unrequited / unreciprocated love, breakup talk, mentions of heartbreak, very angsty Word Count: 1.6k Summary: still in love with you, the young doctor is forced to watch you move on.

A/N: i was heavily inspired by miley cyrus’ song of the same title, as well as precious by depeche mode. i really suggest listening to those songs while reading this fic to really feel the pain.

-

The annual office Christmas party was in full swing. Fairy lights and wreathes decorated the usually dull space. Platters of food were being passed around between the attendees, accompanied by an enormous amounts of champagne. And while everyone was enjoying themselves, a certain brunette doctor found himself feeling the exact opposite.

Spencer was sat at the edge of his desk. Next to him stood Penelope who was in the middle of outlining her holiday plans. Yet he couldn't concentrate. He felt terrible. Like a truly bad friend. But he couldn't help it. Every time he tried to focus on the words coming out of Penelope’s mouth, his mind instead wandered to you.

Breakups are hard. Spencer would know, he memorised all the statistics. Well, at least he thought he understood because as it turns out in practice they are even worse than in theory. Especially since he didn't really understand what went so terribly wrong.

You told him you didn't love him. But how could that be? You certainly acted in love, happy. Was it all a lie? No. It couldn’t have been because he would have been able to tell. He makes a living profiling behaviours therefore he would have been able to tell if you were pretending. Right?

It was a puzzle he couldn't solve. His mind was racing a million miles per hour. For exactly thirty days, seven hours, twenty-two minutes and one, two, three, four, five... Spencer shook his head. He focused his attention on Garcia who was no longer talking. Instead she was staring at him with quizzically.

“Are you okay?” A concerned look spread across her face. Spencer nodded in response although it was no use because she knew he was lying. “It’s okay to be sad-” She began but he cut her off. “I’m not sad. I’m confused.” Penelope placed her hand on his shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze.

“That’s okay too.”

She smiled at him reassuringly before offering to get him some eggnog: “It might not make you feel better, but it tastes so good.”. Before he got a chance to respond however she had already disappeared into the crowd leaving him alone with his thoughts.

He looked ahead wanting desperately, just this once, for his brain to stop. He didn't want to think anymore. He definitely didn't want to think about you, your relationship, your breakup.

In retrospect however, thinking about you would have been better than seeing you. Because in that moment, in between the bodies of his coworkers, Spencer spotted you. His heart stopped.

The sharp office lights, usually unflattering, hit your skin so elegantly that he couldn't believe how beautiful you looked. Your hair was perfectly placed around your face, it bounced gently with your every move. The red dress you were wearing was new, Spencer noted, although it complimented your figure greatly.  

Spencer swallowed the lump in his throat. He nervously tugged at his tie, undoing it hastily.

He shouldn't have been surprised to see you here. After all you worked in the same building, only a few floors down from the BAU. He shouldn't have been surprised at all, but he was. He was because exactly thirty days, seven hours, twenty-five minutes ago you told him you didn't want to see him again. You told him it would be better if the two of you didn't interact - especially at work. So why were you here? Why were you breaking your own rules?

Spencer decided to investigate; bite the bullet, talk to you. He lifted his body weight off the desk and straightened his clothes. He was about to take the first step in your direction when a man appeared beside you and draped one arm around your shoulder.

The young doctor froze. What the hell?

He watched as the man handed you a drink before placing a kiss on the side of your head. He watched you smile, that warm kindhearted smile you had graced Spencer with only a few months ago. He watched the man whisper something in your ear, your cheeks flushing red. He watched and his heart ached.

“Hey Spence, where’s your head at?” JJ asked creeping up beside the young doctor. When Spencer didn't answer, the petite blonde followed his gaze. “Ahh, I see.”

“What do you think she sees in him?” Spencer asked, a hint of heartbreak in his voice.

“I wish I could answer that Spence, I really do.”

“According to research published in The Journal of Positive Psychology, it takes eleven weeks to feel better after a relationship ends.” Spencer stated. “We broke up thirty days ago, how could she be with someone new?”

JJ sighed.

“Love is messy. Each relationship is unique so different people grieve differently, and some may get over their feelings quicker than others.” She nudged Spencer’s arm. “Just because she’s here with someone new, doesn't mean she didn't care about you.” Spencer glanced up at JJ. “She told me she didn't love me.”

It was the first time he spoke those words aloud. Before when his team members asked what went wrong, he brushed the question off with a statistic on how sixty-four percent of Americans have gone through a breakup of a long-term relationship. It was oddly freeing to finally tell the truth.

“Spence, I’m so sorry.” JJ smiled sympathetically.

“She said that the more I gave, the less she needed. She said she knew I was wrong for her.” Spencer’s nose twitched as he tried to fight back tears. “She said that things get damaged, broken. That in the end she realised she didn't feel as strongly about me as I did about her. That she had so little left to give, and that it was unfair to me.”

Spencer’s gaze traveled to where you were stood once again. “She said that I deserve better but what if I never get over her? She’s perfect to me.”

JJ linked her arm with the young doctor. The two of them stood quietly as Spencer composed himself, his eyes still fixated on you. You and the mystery man.

Laughing at something the man said, you lifted your head upwards before tilting it to the side in Spencer’s direction. Your eyes locked with hid instantly and the air caught in your throat. A sheepish smile spread on your face, one that Spencer couldn't bring himself to reciprocate.

Turning your attention back to your date, you told him you needed to mingle and asked him to find you later. He kissed your cheek and turned to walk away, get another drink perhaps, as you ambled your way toward the brunette doctor.

“Hi JJ.” You greeted kindly, before looking at who you truly wanted to talk to. “Hi Spencer.”

“Hey Y/N. It’s good to see you again.” The petite blonde responded.

Spencer however remained quiet. There was so much he wanted to say to you, ask you. He had prepared speeches in his mind that he would use once the two of you were finally talking again. However, now that you stood in front of him he didn't know where to start.

So he did what any heartbroken person would do in his situation, and walked away. It was a little childish perhaps but it felt right. He manoeuvred his way between the partying people and headed for the elevator. Heart racing.

You managed to catch up with him as he waited for the machine to arrive.

“Spencer.”

He turned on his heel at the sound of his name. Now facing you, a broken look plastered across his face. “What do you want Y/N? I left you alone, and I didn't question why we broke up. I did everything you asked even if it didn't make much sense to me. What do you want?” There was a hint of dismay in his voice.

“I-I just wanted to see if you were o-okay.” You responded.

“Of course I’m not.” He jeered. “You broke up with me, told me you didn't love me, and then moved on within a matter of weeks as if our relationship meant nothing to you.”

“That’s not true Spencer. Our relationship meant everything to me, and I wanted nothing more than to feel the same way as you. I killed myself every day, hated myself because for whatever reason I couldn't fall in love you even though you are the best person I have ever met.” You breathed.

“I would have given anything to be able to love you Spencer Reid.”

The second his name escaped your lips, he charged at you. His mouth pressed against yours with so much force you stumped backwards. His hands cupped your cheeks, pulling you in closer with every second that passed. Eyes closed. Heat growing.

He parted his lips, his tongue trailed forcefully along the brim of your bottom lip demanding entry. Which in the heat of the moment you allowed. Your mouth parted and his tongue instantly latched onto yours, exploring and dancing together.

The outside sounds disappeared. There was no party, no people, no date. In this moment it was just you and Spencer. You and the man who’s heart you broke exactly thirty days, seven hours, thirty-three minutes ago. In this moment you could only hear his breath and soft moans that escaped from between your locked lips.

Your body melted into his. Your hands were now on his back, feeling his tensed muscles. You began to feel your passion rise as the he tangled his fingers in your hair.

The moment was short lived however because in the space of a heartbeat you used all of your strength to pull away, breaking the kiss. Both your eyes still closed, foreheads pressed against one another, breathing heavily.

“It's not your fault I ruin everything. And it's not your fault I can't be what you need.” You whispered while gently caressing the back of his head. Your fingers tangled in his soft curls one last time. 

Before Spencer even opened his eyes, you were gone. Your last words ringing in his ears as overwhelming sadness overcame him once again.

Baby, angels like you can't fly down here with me.

-

masterlist

[kkusuka]

Third year songs <3

this is most of the thrid years- not all 

from my spotify liked playlist <3

comes with a side of slight character analysis 

These are my interpretations of HQ characters and these songs!!

Time-skip spoilers!! (very slight) 

---

Karasuno 

Daichi Sawamura

 Waiting for Superman- Daughtry

She's waiting for Superman

To lift her up

And take her anywhere

Show her love

And climbing through the air

Save her now

Before it's too late tonight

She's waiting for Superman

Daichi seems like he makes a  lot of promises, that he just can’t physically keep. He just has so many things going on that he just can’t pay attention to all of them at once. This leads to far too many forgotten dates and even more broken promises. You know its not his fault and he does too, he just can’t leave anyone hanging. 

Koushi Sugawara

 Island- Florida Georgia Line

We might as well be on an island

Like we're the last two on this Earth

Like we're frozen here in time

Like it's empty here tonight

I feel like suga likes to put himself back into happier times. And that he tries to hold into happy moments as they are happening. He says he is a man of the moment, but when he feels down, he tries to put himself back into the more joyous times. 

Asahi Azumane 

You say- Lauren Daigle 

You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing

You say I am strong when I think I am weak

And you say I am held when I am falling short

And when I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours

And I believe (I)

Oh, I believe (I)

What You say of me (I)

I believe

Asahi is clearly very attached to how people perceive him. So when people shower him with compliments, he attaches onto them. He likes what makes him comfortable and he wants to stay comfortable for as long as he can. Words are important to him, so when he hears something bad it can ruin him for a while. He really does believe what the people he loves say to him. 

Kiyoko Shimizu

 Mothers daughter- Miley Cyrus 

Oh my gosh, she got the power

Oh, look at her, she got the power

So, so, so

…

Must be something in the water

Or that I'm my mother's daughter

The power this woman carries. She’s built her confidence and she’s not letting anyone ruin it for her. I truly believe that her friends all become more confident because she wants everyone around her to feel confident too. Since she doesn't speak all that much she lets her body language do most of the expression. 

--

Nekoma 

Tetsurō Kuroo

 High school sweethearts- Melanie Martinez 

Could you hold me through the night?

Put your lips all over my mine

Salty face when I start cryin'

Could you be my first time?

Eat me up like apple pie

Kuroo definitely takes trust very seriously. I feel he’s also really scared of someone breaking this trust, so he does form it with a lot of people. That saying if he does, he wants it to last forever.

 (...Step twoThis is a waste if you can't walk me down the finish line…) 

He truly believes in the people he surrounds himself with. 

Nobuyuki Kai 

Kill the Lights- Set it Off

Now I am cutting ties clean off

And I can breathe at last

So we all stand enthralled by this bland curtain call

And the truth we pursue as we all, we all beg you to

 Kai seems like he wasn't really that invested in volleyball, so having all these passionate people around him was a shock.  But he really got into third year, and he wants people to feel that passion too. In the back of his mind he feels bad for not feeling it like the rest of the team, but since looking in the past means nothing now, he tries to move on. 

Morisuke Yaku

 Mama- Mcr

And when we go don't blame us, yeah

We'll let the fires just bathe us, yeah

You made us oh so famous;

We'll never let you go

And when you go don't return to me my love

I mean, he is part of the mom squad. But it's ever so slightly more deep. I’m gonna say it's momma-bird syndrome. He doesn't want people to move on without him, seeing people achieve their dreams is great but he doesn't want you to do it if that means loving him. 

--

Seijoh

Tōru Oikawa

Prom Queen- Beach Bunny

Maybe I should try harder

You should lower your expectations

I'm no quick-curl barbie

I was never cut out for prom queen

I feel like oikawa is constantly feeling like he has to catch up to everyone around him. At some point in Argentina he came to the conclusion that he was good enough and didn't need to rise to anyone's standards of him, but when he got picked for the national team everything came back. He still has all of those feelings from high-school. Never making it to nationals, feeling like he failed his team. 

Issei Matsukawa

Bubblegum Bitch- Marina and the diamonds 

Got a figure like a pin-up, got a figure like a doll

Don't care if you think I'm dumb, I don't care at all

Candy bear, sweetie pie, wanna be adored

I'm the girl you'd die for

I feel like to earn Mattsun’s trust, he would put you through some ridiculous trial of sorts. I also feel that he is very comfortable with who he is, and he takes no shit about it. But that comes with the fact that he rarely takes fault in things, and that sparks arguments. He’ll use your love for him against you, he’ll be as cold as he can muster, until YOU take fault. 

Takahiro Hanamaki

 OUT THE ROOF- Chase Atlantic 

Yeah, we stay lit

We fuck bitches, pop on pillies, that is it, yeah

Holy moly, holy shit, yeah

Me and all my people are heaven sent, yeah, yup

9this is a strait vibe for Makki) 

I feel like Makki drowns his problems out with meaningless activities. Like smoking or one-night stands. He’d rather drown out his problems then have them in his  face. Or when he’s forced to face them, he’ll deflect until he has nothing else to deflect. Because when you’re high there nothing to worry about! Why stress about meaningless problems when he can be having fun!  

Hajime Iwaizumi

 Endlessly- The Cab

Yeah, your friends may think I'm crazy

Cause they can only see

I'm not perfect, but I swear, I'm perfect for you.

And there's no guarantee

That this will be easy.

It's not a miracle you need, believe me.

Yeah, I'm no angel, I'm just me

But I will love you endlessly.

Iwa knows that he can't be there for you all the time. Physically he tries his best, mentally he can help when he can. But you both know that you're perfect for one another. He just can't help but listen to the people around him sometimes. You deserve the world, but he doesn't know if he can give that to you. 

--

Fukurodani

Kōtarō Bokuto 

Prima Donna- Andrew Lloyd Webber 

Can you bow out when they're shouting your name?

Think of how they all adore you

We’ve all seen how Bokuto gets what he’s praised for literally anything remotely impressive. So that makes him a cannon prima donna! but that also means the lows and really bad mood swings. This song just fits him so well it’s scary.  

-- 

Shiratorizawa

Wakatoshi Ushijim

 More- Usher 

If you really want more, scream it out louder,

If you on the floor, bring out the fire,

And light it up, take it up higher,

Gotta push it to the limit, give it more.

This seems kinda obvious, but Ushijima never gives up. Ever since he was a kid, he set a goal for himself and he went beyond what he even set out for. And that comes with a lot of work and training for every new level of volleyball. He’s just going to get better and better until he retires, or is forced to retire. 

Eita Semi

 strawberries and cigarettes- troye sivan

Long nights, daydreams

Sugar and smoke rings, I've been a fool

But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you

Headlights, on me

Racing to 60, I've been a fool

But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like

Blue eyes, black jeans

Lighters and candy, I've been a fool

But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you

I feel like semi always thinks about how Shirabu replaced him on the starting line-up. But he’s mostly gotten over it, but certain things bring him back into that stage of his life. Then the cycle starts all over again. He constantly looks back on the game against Karasuno and thinks about wat would have happened if he was the setter instead. 

Reon Ōhira

 Remember when- Chris Wallace 

So can we push push push rewind,

Go go back in time,

When we were kids sneaking bottles of wine,

Take take take me back, I wanna go back,

Back to what we had! Do you remember when we started this mess,

My heart was beating out of my chest!,

Remember when we stole your dad's car,

Reon gives me the vibe that his days at Shiratorizawa were some of the best of his life. How can they not be? He made the greatest friends of his life there. And I also feel like he looks back on them a bit more than he wants to admit.

Satori Tendō

 This Side of Paradise- Coyote theory

Are you lonely?

Passion is crashing as we speak

You seem so lonely

You're the ground my feet won't reach

So if you're lonely

Darling you're glowing

If you're lonely come be lonely with me.

I get the vibe that Tendou attaches himself to whatever makes him feel wanted/safe. (ex. volleyball) he knows it isn't healthy, but he can't help it. This does lead to him completely distancing himself from you over and over because he thinks you’ll leave him. 

Hayato Yamagata- House of gold- Twenty one Pilots 

I will make you

Queen of everything you see

I'll put you on the map

I'll cure you of disease (Ooh)

And since we know that dreams are dead

And life turns plans up on their head

I will plan to be a bum

So I just might become someone

Even though we don't see a lot of him, I get the feeling he treats people really well. Like he cherishes people a lot more than some of them deserve. As you can see this leads to some unfair relationships and toxic people. He just wants to hold on until a good person comes along. 

--

Nohebi 

Suguru Daishō

Mr Loverman - Ricky Montgomery 

I'm Mr. Loverman

And I miss my lover, man

I'm Mr. Loverman

Oh, and I miss my lover

I feel like this was way too obvious, but it really is his song. It’s literally cannon, every lyric in this song is what happened with Mika. but in the end he got her back and made his promise  to be a better loverman <3. 

Kazuma Numai

 Nonstop- Drake 

Future took the business and ran it for me

I let Ollie take the owl, told him brand it for me

I get two million a pop and that's standard for me

Like I went blind dog, you gotta hand it to me

He looks and acts like a guy who listens to drake. He just seems like a guy who won't stop or give up even when things take a turn. He’ll just keep fighting until nothing’s left. 

Kōji Hiroo

 At the Wheel- Colorblind 

I need something to wake me up

It's never strong enough

I'm just getting colder and starting over

Going numb is just the way I run from

All my problems when I can't solve them

Need to break away

Escape the way I'm feeling

Hate to be fake, but I'm just dealing

This one doesn't really have a true reason, i really just felt like this was his song.  Sorry just the vibe. 

;)

Inarizaki

Shinsuke Kita

 Oh Ms Believer- twenty one pilots 

Oh, Ms. Believer, my pretty sleeper

Your twisted mind is like snow on the road

Your shaking shoulders prove that it's colder

Inside your head than the winter of dead

I will tell you I love you

But the muffs on your ears will cater your fears

My nose and feet are running as we start

To travel through snow

Together we go

I feel like kita is unintentionally cold towards the world, like he wants to open up but can't figure out how. But in turn if you can get him to feel “warmer” (get closer to him) he’ll share everything with you, almost oversharing. Just because he can't help it, he’s kept it all in for so long. Sometimes he just needs someone to hold him and make HIM feel better, because he does it for everyone. If you can manage all of this i feel like he’ll keep you with him forever. 

Ren Ōmimi

 Armor- Landon Austin

I'm not bullet proof when it comes to you

Don't know what to say when you made me the enemy

After the war is won

There's always the next one

I'm not bullet proof when it comes to you

I feel like not a lot of people approach ren because of how intimidating he looks. This has made him weary when people are really enthused to first meet him, because he thinks it’s a joke. After getting over that hurdle i feel like he just isn't an open person so it’ll take a long time to even get to a point where he trusts you. Hence the other wars after the first. 

Aran Ojiro-

 Never really over- Katy perry

Two years, and just like that, my head still takes me back

Thought it was done, but I guess it's never really over

Oh, we were such a mess, but wasn't it the best?

Thought it was done, but I guess it's never really over

Just because it's over doesn't mean it's really over

And if I think it over, maybe you'll be coming over again

And I'll have to get over you all over again

After all of these years, I really don't think Aran has truly gotten over losing at nationals in third year. And now on the national team he sees Hinata and Kageyama all the time and it takes him back. It makes him re-feel all the emotions he felt after the game. It hurt him to know that he gave his everything and still lost.  Like when he’s in bed he puts himself back into that self loathing phase of his life. 

Michinari Akagi

Try Hard - 5sos

It's obvious she’s so out of reach

And I'm finding it hard 'cause

She makes me feel, makes me feel

Like I try, like I try, like I'm trying too hard

'Cause I'm not being me

And it’s getting me down that

She makes me think, makes me think

That I try, that I try, that I'm trying too hard again

Akagi gives off boy best friend vibes.  But like to EVERYONE, so the person he liked just thought he was making fun of them and he didn't like them back. And i feel like that kinda traumatized him a bit, so when he got a new s/o he tried really really hard to make them special, but the same thing happened. 

i may do some with the second and first years, idk this took so long :)

[highladyluck]

Fortuona Athaem Devi Paendrag playlist

Direct link: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5KLghlM9nCF1WLKBNoLt5z?si=b1e1d244810e4ae9

26 songs, 1 hr 23 min. A character playlist for Tuon Athaem Kore Paendrag, aka the High Lady, aka the Daughter of the Nine Moons, aka “Precious” but only if you’re Mat Cauthon, aka Fortuona Athaem Devi Paendrag, aka the Empress of Seanchan.

She’s a fascinating mixture of good and evil, person and tool, sympathetic and unsympathetic by turns. I tried to capture that in this playlist, which is organized roughly chronologically by her personal timeline.

There are spoilers in the playlist and commentary for Winter's Heart through A Memory of Light, since this is meant to mirror the narrative.

Track List:

1.      Second Child, Restless Child – The Oh Hellos

2.      Game of Survival – Ruelle

3.      Sit Still, Look Pretty – Daya

4.      When I Rule The World – LIZ

5.      Bad Moon Rising – Creedence Clearwater Revival

6.      The Thief and the Moon – Shawn James

7.      Pomegranate Seeds – Julian Moon

8.      Zebra – The Magnetic Fields

9.      Jolene – Dolly Parton

10.   Maybe, This Time – OK Go

11.   Big Guns – Ruelle

12.   Fascinated – Ivy

13.   The Bullpen – Dessa

14.   Pretty Little Head – Eliza Rickman

15.   Greek God – Conan Gray

16.   Emperor’s New Clothes – Panic! At The Disco

17.   Rat Queen – The Mountain Goats

18.   Carmina Burana: O Fortuna – Carl Orff

19.   you should see me in a crown – Billie Eilish

20.   Muse with a Dagger – Taylor Castro

21.   Please Don’t Say You Love Me – Gabrielle Aplin

22.   Daisy – Ashnikko

23.   Mother’s Daughter – Miley Cyrus

24.   I Walk The Line – Halsey

25.   Glory and Gore – Lorde

26.   Trouble – Stripped – Halsey

Commentary and lyrics underneath the cut. Listen to it here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5KLghlM9nCF1WLKBNoLt5z?si=b1e1d244810e4ae9

1)      Second Child, Restless Child – The Oh Hellos

See, I was born the second child With a spirit running wild, running free

The Empress’s second child, the only one who goes across the ocean.

2)      Game of Survival – Ruelle

Are we the hunters? Or are we the prey?

"Keep this doll to remind you that I will always hear you if you say my name. If I am still alive, of course."

3)      Sit Still, Look Pretty – Daya

Oh, I don't know what you've been told But this girl right here's gonna rule the world Yeah, that's where I'm gonna be because I wanna be No, I don't wanna sit still, look pretty

Tuon wishes she looked more intimidating, and threw a full-blown temper tantrum when she was told who she’d have to marry.

4)      When I Rule The World – LIZ

When I rule the world, then I'm gonna make you sweat Dog collar 'round your neck, on your knees and scrub the deck

I promise I didn't forget about the sul'dam thing. This should be as jarring as her initial POV in Winter's Heart is.

5)      Bad Moon Rising – Creedence Clearwater Revival

I see the bad moon a-rising I see trouble on the way I see earthquakes and lightnin' I see bad times today

Such a good “Seanchan invade Ebou Dar” song! I definitely stole this from someone else’s Mat playlist, but I don’t think it’s on 8tracks anymore.

6)      The Thief and the Moon – Shawn James

Said the Thief to the Moon "I'll extinguish your light soon I'll put an end to all the light that you shed On this world in its darkened state"

I can imagine this as a Seanchan myth; covers Tuon's opinion on her prophecy & getting kidnapped.

7)      Pomegranate Seeds – Julian Moon

Kore, Kore, fauna and flora How did you get your throne? (Hey!) You made a deal You traded daffodils For a kingdom of ash and bone

Had to sneak in a reference to Tuon's middle name. Tuon's POV on her bargain with Mat.

8)      Zebra – The Magnetic Fields

so there's one thing I crave when my days become ho-hum and blah I want a zebra

Took this from my Mat/Tuon book playlist because it is truly the funniest song on there. It's a zebra in our hearts!

9)      Jolene – Dolly Parton

Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene I'm begging of you please don't take my man

This is very tongue-in-cheek, but at the same time, if you pay attention you can see that Tuon's particularly annoyed by/threatened by Joline Maza.

10)   Maybe, This Time – OK Go

So listen, I'm not trying to prove anything at all here But don't you think that maybe, this time, you were wrong?

Mat to Tuon after confiscating the a'dam from her.

11)   Big Guns – Ruelle

Every little move is fixed Like a game of chess The blood on your hands is thick And you're placing bets Can't hide in the den of lions

A really perfect song for Tuon's 'lion on the high plains' realization; I know technically Mat doesn't have cannon or grenades yet, but shhhh, the rapid-fire crossbows are more or less machine guns. Let me have this. Call it foreshadowing if you must.

12)   Fascinated – Ivy

Never turned out like we talked about Never could tell how to read your mind Never found out what you're all about In this lifetime, baby, you will be mine

Tuon's POV on the marriage ceremony.

13)   The Bullpen – Dessa

Forget the bull in the china shop There's a china doll in the bullpen

Returning to Ebou Dar to kick ass and take heads. This was the song that made me create this playlist, because of "china doll in the bullpen," which is such a great description of Tuon.

14)   Pretty Little Head – Eliza Rickman

Catch yourself a looker, let him go, go, go Wanna have your baby, but I'm so, so slow

Tuon misses Mat, but don’t you dare breathe a word about it. Besides, it’s just business.

15)   Greek God – Conan Gray

And since you always swear that you wanted me gone Then why don't you go get your gun? 'Cause you don't really hate me (You're a little baby) You don't wanna end me (You wanna befriend me)

The Tuon vs Rand confrontation (take two, where Tuon's actually there.) Rand has quite enough confidence, really, but most of the song really works.

16)   Emperor’s New Clothes – Panic! At The Disco

Welcome to the end of eras Ice has melted back to life Done my time and served my sentence Dress me up and watch me die

Declaring herself Empress after meeting with Rand.

17)   Rat Queen – The Mountain Goats

We who have never once tasted The stench of defeat Victory sweet as the dregs of the fast food dumpster Look how they jump when we show up Like they've just seen a monster

H/T to @anyboli, who first suggested this to me as a Tuon song. This is a good soundtrack to planning the raid on the White Tower…

18)   Carmina Burana: O Fortuna – Carl Orff

O Fortune, like the moon you are changeable[…]

I literally cannot imagine a Tuon playlist without this song. It’s White Tower raid time!

19)   you should see me in a crown – Billie Eilish

Count my cards, watch them fall Blood on a marble wall I like the way they all Scream

Yeah, this was inevitable too. I’m using it for that absolutely horrifying POV of hers where she's in the damane training room and decides it's time to plan a full-out attack on the White Tower.

20)   Muse with a Dagger – Taylor Castro

You're making fun of my people Pretend I don't hear you Cause I won't forgive myself For fueling or burning you

Tuon's thoughts on Mat in the garden. This didn't lean as as far into the dagger/knife imagery as I'd hoped for- remember, this is the blog that insists Athaem means Magic Dagger Curse- but it seemed so strangely apt for the two of them that I had to include it.

21)   Please Don’t Say You Love Me – Gabrielle Aplin

There's no need to worry when You see just where we're at Just please don't say you love me Cause I might not say it back

Her conversation with Mat in the garden.

22)   Daisy – Ashnikko

Respect a bitch, I'm a maverick Flexible, so elastic But don't you dare bend a bitch backwards

This is what you married, Mat. (The Mat POV version of this character sketch is probably Cake's Short Skirt Long Jacket.) I will not apologize for the number of #girlboss songs on this playlist.

23)   Mother’s Daughter – Miley Cyrus

Oh my gosh, she got the power Oh, look at her, she got the power So, so, so Don't fuck with my freedom I came up to get me some

The confrontation with Egwene. I see this as mostly Egwene's POV, with Tuon doing a sort of echo, the way she does in the original scene. They are fascinatingly alike here, and the way Egwene controls the scene and gets in Tuon's head- when that's Tuon's signature strategy- is amazing.

24)   I Walk The Line – Halsey

You've got a way to keep me on your side You give me cause for love that I can't hide For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide

Tuon admitting that her heart tells her to return to save Mat (and the armies of the Light).

25)   Glory and Gore – Lorde

Glory and gore go hand in hand That's why we're makin' headlines (Oh! Oh!) You could try and take us (Oh! Oh!) But victory's contagious

The Seanchan army comes back for the kill.

26)   Trouble – Stripped – Halsey

Don't forget me, don't forget me I wouldn't leave you if you'd let me Hmm, when you met me when you met me You told me you were gonna get me

Death threats are just their deranged way of flirting; if Tuon wanted Mat dead she wouldn't warn him, you know? And in that final scene with the fireworks Tuon's telling Mat that she wants him around, and he understands it as such.

[theparanormalperiodical]

31 Celebrity Ghost Stories You NEED To Read On Halloween Night (Or Any Time Of The Year, Screw The System)

*Puts on old professor glasses*

For generations we have been in awe of the celebrity.

*strokes beard*

For generations we have trodden their paths, followed their scents, and watched with wandering eyes exactly what they do - and all in the name of escapism.

Since the conception of humankind we have sought to understand what makes the rich and famous both rich and famous. Our philosophers decode mannerisms, our magazine editors calculate their every mistake, and the rest of us simply gaze up at the stars wondering how, why, and what we share in common with the glorified among us.

But you see-

*walks across the Ted Talk stage*

-they are just like us.

They make mistakes, they compare themselves to others, and yes, they even suck in their stomachs when trying on their new TopShop crop top and then shove it in the back of their sock drawer convinced their lower belly will always have too fat.

But even more than that, they have experiences with the paranormal.

*pulls up a chair and sits on it backwards cause for some reason people think it looks actually idk how people think it looks but whatever back to the imagery*

And so, on this Halloween night, we celebrate what brings us all together - no matter how much cash nor clout one has.

Shall we?

Miley Cyrus

During her 2009 Europe tour, Cyrus stayed in a flat in London - a flat that she claims was haunted.

"It was seriously so terrifying. It used to be an old bakery and they turned it into an apartment building, and I was having really crazy dreams and really scary things, and one night my little sister–it sounds crazy to tell you–but she was standing in the shower and all of a sudden I hear her scream.

I run in there and the water had somehow flipped to hot but it was still...It wasn’t like the water had just changed, the knob had turned but she hadn’t turned it and it was burning her.”

In the same bathroom Cyrus was convinced she saw a little boy sitting on the sink whilst she was showering. A series of other unexplained events took place until they delved into the family history of the bakery: it was passed down for generations from father to son. Cyrus believed she saw the last son to be left the bakery.

Cher

Turns out Cher doesn’t just believe in life after love but life after death, too.

The music legend herself is convinced that her late husband, Sonny, who died in 1998 is still making his presence known to her.

She claims his spirit has a habit of turning lights on to remind her he is there and often does this to her chandelier - even when there is no power.

“I love ghosts, I prefer ghosts to some people.”

Anna Nicole Smith

This late Playboy bunny was known for her bombshell sex appeal and scandalous career - but what about her forays into the supernatural?

"A ghost would crawl up my leg and have sex with me at an apartment a long time ago in Texas. I used to think it was my boyfriend, and one day I woke up and it wasn’t. It was, like, a spirit and it—woo! [miming a ghost flying from her bedsheets]—went up!

I was freaked out about it, but then I was, like, 'Well, you know what? He’s never hurt me and he just gave me some amazing sex so I have no problem.'"

When the interviewer asked her whether it was merely a dream Smith replied that it was happening every single night.

Kesha

Just like Smith, Kesha’s own experience with the paranormal is rather more sexual.

In her own words she went to the “bone zone” with a ghost.

"I don't know his name. He just started caressing me. It was a sexy time, it wasn't, like, sex."

Emma Stone

Back in 2014 Stone revealed on a late night talk show that the spirit of her grandfather often leaves quarters for her to find.

In fact, she claimed her family has a history of the small change - and its legacy clearly goes beyond the grave.

La Toya Jackson

Michael Jackson’s death is one of the most striking moments in modern history - but it turns out the King of Pop might also be the King of the Paranormal.

La Toya often claims she feels strong presences in the Jacksons’ childhood home and frequently shares about the supernatural activity coming from MJ’s old room. Many visitors, staff members, and family members have heard tap dancing coming from the room, even when they didn’t know who it used to belong to.

It was in this room that Michael would tap dance for two hours every sunday.

Susan Boyle

Boyle often recounts that she lost several members of her closest family within the span of a few short years and felt abandoned by her family. But in a 2011 interview she claimed she sees her mother’s spirit around her house, believing it to be a reminder from beyond the grave that she is not alone.

Megan Fox

"I was just in Mexico at my hotel and it was a bedroom, living room, bedroom...I had pre-ordered breakfast for 7:30, and at 7 a.m. I hear them come in with the table, I hear them pouring the coffee…

30 minutes later, at 7:30 I went in there, no table, no coffee, no food, no nothing, no one there. Door bell rings, I open the door, it's room service with my food...Brandy the nanny comes out later and says, 'Why did room service come at 7 when we told them to come at 7:30?' So you can't tell me I'm crazy, because two people heard it."

Ariana Grande

This paranormal enthusiast was visiting one of the gates of hell - Stull Cemetery - when she felt a sudden surge of negative energy around her. Flies suddenly appeared in the car and she smelt a strong odour of sulphur.

Both are symptoms of dark, demonic energy.

As they drove off she ‘apologised’ to the spirits for disturbing the peace and took a couple of pictures of the area before they left. She saw clear demonic faces in the image. When she tried to send it to her manager as proof of the strange goings on, the picture couldn’t be sent.

Why?

Because it was 666 megabytes.

Joan Rivers

This comedian’s old Manhattan apartment might be worth $28 million but it's far more famous for the supernatural entities within its walls than its price tag.

In one iconic episode of Celebrity Ghost Stories Rivers claims she even brought in a voodoo priestess to help a former resident, ‘Mr Spencer’, pass on.

Marilyn Manson

Just like Rivers, Marilyn Manson told his own paranormal experience on CGS. But his story had less spirits and more, you know, Satan.

Pressured by his peers into reading demonic incantations in a supposedly haunted basement, Manson claims he then heard demonic whispers around him asking if he believed in Satan.

Alyson Hannigan

Hannigan might be known for her Wiccan ways on the TV screen in Buffy The Vampire Slayer, but her encounters with the paranormal aren’t just captured by our favourite streaming services.

Back in 2003 Hannigan claimed she lived in a haunted house - but she believes the spirit is friendly.  

“My friend saw him first one night. She said, 'I don't mean to alarm you, but I just saw a man follow us out of the house.' “

"Later that night I saw this silhouette of a man standing in the bathroom doorway. I was like, 'Sweetie, what are you doing?' I thought it was [fiance] Alexis [Denisof]. But then I looked and Alexis was asleep next to me.”

Nicolas Cage

Yes, the most memed actor in Hollywood has faced a series of paranormal experiences, too. In 2007 Cage purchased one of the most haunted houses in America in a bid to get inspired to write the latest horror novel.

He bought the LaLaurie Mansion in New Orleans, a house belonging to one of the 19th century’s most infamous serial killers.

Many believe the slaves tortured by Delphine LaLaurie still haunt the mansion. Perhaps Cage heard the wails and moans of her victims, or maybe he felt the demonic presence rumoured to have taken part in a murder of a tenant in 1894?

Demi Lovato

Lovato often makes mention of her beliefs in the paranormal - especially when it comes to her haunted house in Texas. She claims a young girl named Emily haunts her home in the South, and has even mentioned that she was a childhood ‘friend’ when she was growing up.

But this tale has to be the most terrifying:

"One of my friends, Tucker, came over one time and he asked, 'So your house is haunted?' I said, 'Yeah, just watch. Something will happen. Something always happens.' We started to watch a movie when all of a sudden a laptop in my kitchen started to play a movie also. It was a black screen before, so it was a question of who turned it on and hit play.

And after that Tucker texted a friend saying, 'I think this house is haunted, a movie just turned on by itself,' and there was a 'glitch' in his phone that kept texting him back the word 'definitely' over and over again. That happened about 30 times."

Peter Jackson

Jackson might be known for putting mystical and magical creatures on the big screen, but he’s seen similar things in real life, too.

"One night I woke up and there was a figure in the room. She was really scary—her face was like a silent scream. She glided across the room and disappeared into the wall." He told Fran in the morning and she said, "'Was it the woman with a screaming face?’ We had never spoken about it. 

She had seen the same ghost two years earlier. So I do believe in some energy, a spirit or a soul..."

Kendrick Lamar

From one famous rapper to another:

Lamar told Home Grown Radio that he had a dream about Tupac Shakur - a dream he believed conveyed a message from beyond. In the dream Tupac told him “Keep doing what you doing, don’t let my music die.”

Keanu Reeves

He’s one of the internet’s favourite celebrities - but what isn’t so famous about this Matrix star is his paranormal experience from when he was living in NYC.

"I'm probably like six, seven years old, we'd come from Australia. Renata, [our] nanny, in the bedroom, my sister is asleep, she's sitting over there, I'm hanging out. There was a doorway and all of a sudden this jacket comes waving through the doorway, this empty jacket — there's no body, there's no legs, it's just there. And then it disappears..."

The nanny saw the exact same thing.

Adele

Ghost nuns are not only on-trend but also terrify-ing. Adele can testify to that. In 2012 the singer moved into a plush Sussex mansion which used to be a convent.

A couple creepy noises later and she hired around-the-clock security to protect her against the paranormal activity. Who knows what she might’ve seen in her new $6 million home?

Matthew McConaughey

McConaughey claims his Hollywood mansion was haunted by an unhappy female spirit by the name of Madame Blu.

"I was not even under the influence and she was there. She wasn't that happy, it didn't seem like she was going to be much fun to hang around or have in my house, so I went ahead and stood my ground. I opened the door and said 'You can move around all you want but I'm not going anywhere.'"

"For weeks everyone that came to the house said the same thing: 'There's someone down in that hall, there's somebody down in that hall.'"

Ryan Gosling

Most of the celebs that made this list whip out their charming ‘lil spooky story to pique interest in their latest career venture. Gosling’s story, however, is actually pretty f*cking scary.

One day, in his childhood home, he saw a ghost of a young boy.

"He just sat. And I knew from a very young age that he was a ghost, too. He scared me. I told my mother, but she couldn't see him. Nobody could. And I learned to live with that. I had to…

Then, a few years later, [my mother] thought she saw him, then almost right away my cousin saw him, and then my uncle. And we were outta there in fairly short order."

Laura Linney

Linney is one of Hollywood’s most cherished actresses - and even on the stage she has witnessed something from the other side.

She became a believer in the paranormal after working in the Belasco Theater on Broadway.

"I had forgotten this, and I was doing a play with Jane Alexander, and I turned to Jane Alexander, and I looked up to the upper balcony—there are two balconies there—and the upper balcony you can only get in from the outside, and those doors were locked; and I looked up, and there was a woman standing in the front row looking over with a blue dress and blonde hair.

I just thought, 'Well, hello!' I looked back at Jane, and I looked back up, and she was gone. I went to the house manager and I said, 'Joe, I think I saw a ghost.' And he went, 'male or female?' I said, 'female.' And he went, 'blue dress, blonde hair?'"

Megan Mullally

Another famous ghost that haunts a famous face features on this list. But this time the paranormal activity described by Mullally is certainly the most tragic.

She claims she lived in a house haunted by the spirit of Nicole Brown Simpson who was murdered in 1994. She believes that only when her husband watched the American Crime Story series about her death did the strange occurrences (most of which were odd and unexplained sounds) settle.

Kristen Stewart

Only last year our very own Bella Swan opened up not just about her own experiences with ghosts, but her own spiritual connection with other people.

“If I’m in a weird, small town, making a movie, and I’m in a strange apartment, I will literally be like, ‘No, please, I cannot deal. Anyone else, but it cannot be me.’ Who knows what ghosts are, but there is an energy that I’m really sensitive to. Not just with ghosts, but with people. People stain rooms all the time.”

Carrie Fisher

Carrie Fisher lived an extraordinary life. She was one of the few a-listers to openly discuss her struggles with mental health and drug use before it became so accepted in mainstream society. Unfortunately, these topics would haunt her in a rather more supernatural manner, too.

Following the overdose of a friend sleeping next to her in her mansion, Fisher claimed she would often feel their presence around her.

"Lights would go on and off, and I had this toy machine, that when you touched it would say, 'F*ck you! Eat sh*t! You’re an asshole!' And it would go off in the night, by itself, in my closet.”

She later hired an exorcist to cleanse the house of the spirit.

Halle Berry

Whilst filming Introducing Dorothy Dandridge, Berry would experience intense paranormal activity she believed was down to her dress.

A dress formerly owned by the woman titling the film.

"I'd come home and the housekeeper would say she'd heard my vanity chair moving upstairs in the bathroom. When the film was over, I desperately wanted to keep her dress, but it had to go. And then everything was fine."

Lady Gaga

Just like Kendrick Lamar, Lady Gaga has had her own dealings with the spirit of an icon. But instead of rap legend Tupac, she got the late fashion designer Alexander McQueen.

"Right after he died, I wrote 'Born This Way.' I think he's up in heaven with fashion strings in his hands, marionetting away, planning this whole thing…

I didn't even write the f*king song. He did!"

Melissa McCarthy

Comedian Melissa McCarthy revealed in 2016 that she believed in ghosts - and gave insight into where her beliefs came from.

"I grew up on a farm and I didn't have any real friends,

I have a very strong belief that people are out there, because I was certainly talking to someone in those barns. Otherwise I'm just crazy. I really strongly believe in ghosts."

Jessica Alba

In 2008, Alba told US Weekly about her own encounter with the paranormal when she was a child.

“I felt this pressure and I couldn’t get up, I couldn’t scream, I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t do anything

Something definitely took the covers off me and I definitely couldn’t get off the bed, and then, once I did, I screamed, ran to my parents’ room and I don’t think I spent many nights in that house ever again.”

Jenna Bush Hager

The White House already has a reputation for its paranormal activity (Abe Lincoln often makes a reappearance during times of crisis) and this former first daughter has evidence to support such a claim.

"I was asleep, there was a fireplace in my room and all of a sudden I heard 1920's music coming out. I could feel it. I freaked out and ran into my sister's room. She was like, 'Please go back to sleep, this is ridiculous.'"

Lucy Liu

This Charlie’s Angel - like so many of the people included in this article - claims she had sexual relations with something supernatural.

“I felt everything. I climaxed. And then he floated away.”

Bella Thorne

"I was lying in bed when I saw a shadowy, silvery figure of an old woman creeping across my room, then it slipped into my closet…

I panicked and ran out of bed and swung open my closet door only to see she was in there. But she was gone. I was sure I had seen her ghost! It was really freaky."

Do you believe ‘em?

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Happy Halloween, lads.

[eujazmine]

TASK TWO: CHARACTER PLAYLIST ( x )

hall of fame - the script ft. will.i.am / champion - kanye west / just my luck - coco jones / rage - rico nasty / watch me - jaden / don’t stop the music - rihanna / hot girl summer - megan thee stallion ft. ty dolla $ign, nicki minaj / listen before i go - billie eilish / midnight sky - miley cyrus / smack a bitch - rico nasty / wolves - big sean ft. post malone / ordinary life - the weeknd / rise - willow, jahnavi harrison / power is power - sza ft. the weeknd, travis scott / icon - jaden / got it on me - pop smoke / OTHERSIDE - beyonce / until i bleed out - the weeknd / gone too soon - michael jackson / the other side - sza, justin timberlake / ohfr? - rico nasty / lonely - justin bieber, benny blanco / my sanity - thriii, messenger : 1 hr 15 mins

okay so this is basically a soundtrack of her life so far. i’ve included a rundown below including sample lyrics if you’re interested, so you won’t have to listen to get the gist, but fair warning there’s probably HELLA typos since it’s almost 6 am now <3

it starts off with hall of fame, bc as far as she can remember her father was always telling her that she was special and destined for greatness. according to her father, there was nothing she couldn’t do, no limits to how much she could achieve. she carried her godliness with pride, training hard to one day be one of the greatest.

“ yeah, you can be the greatest, you can be the best. you can be the king kong bangin' on your chest. you can beat the world, you can beat the war. you can talk to God, go bangin' on his door. . . you can move a mountain, you can break rocks. you can be a master, don’t wait for luck. dedicate yourself and you gon' find yourself. ”

next comes champion, where jazmine is starting to think that her father may not be as great as she thought he was, but her little siblings still view him as such. although there is this slight confusion going on with her father, she doesn’t want it to stop her from achieving greatness, so she keeps working hard.

“ this is the story of a champion. runners on their mark and they pop their guns. stand up, stand up, here he comes. tell me what it takes to be number one. ”

just my luck. at this point, she’s feeling that all the authority figures in her life, especially her dad, see her as a weapon rather than a person. she feels like she’s too under their control, so she begins to retaliate. around this time, she is nearly expelled from school and is then sent away by her father to full-year camp in greece.

“ I don't know where you're leading me to go. pulling me here, pulling me there. can't take no more. what happened to being happy? that's what I ask myself. ”

while the last song described her insecurities and stress, rage gives a glimpse into her anger from the situation. she starts to grow a chip on her shoulder, and she takes it out on the people around her.

“ keep my name out your fucking mouth before you find out what we about. type of shit that you read about. if you talk it, then be about it. ”

she channels her frustrations into her training. watch me represents how she no longer wants to reach the top for the people back home, but rather to spite them. she wants those that hate her to watch her reach the top regardless of their opinions.

“ watch me, watch me, watch me, do this. ”

don’t stop the music and hot girl summer are most relevant during her two years after school, which she spent traveling in europe and taking on quests solely for monetary and extra adrenaline. for the first time in her life, she is really letting loose, and she mostly focuses on chasing pleasures and easing up pressures.

“ I gotta get my body moving, shake the stress away. ”

listen before i go expresses how low her spirits are after her final confrontation with her father. at this point, she’s struggling to see her life’s purpose. midnight sky is when she finally starts relishing in her newfound freedom from completely cutting ties with him.

“ if you need me, wanna see me, better hurry 'cause I'm leavin' soon. ”

“ lotta years went by with my hands tied up in your ropes. forever and ever, no more. . . I was born to run, I don't belong to anyone. I don't need to be loved by you. ”

smack a bitch and wolves describe both her aggressive confidence in her godly lineage. and how her past has shaped her to be more vicious. she may no longer claim her father, but she’ll show people what she can do as a descendant of hecate.

“ since a baby in her tummy, mama knew I was great. they can't play me like a dummy, they know what not to take. ”

“ I was raised by the wolves, ate 'til they full. run through the night, playin' with your life. go against the pack, that's risking your life. ”

ordinary life depicts her acknowledgement that her life isn’t normal, but she doesn’t think she was meant to have an ordinary life. at the same time, she feels desensitized -- like something’s missing.

“ and she said that she'll pray for me. I said, "It's too late for me," ‘cause I think it's safe to say... this ain't ordinary life. ”

in rise, she resolves to start making her actions purposeful again. she commits to more important, high-stake quests. she’s no longer searching for whichever quests will make her the quickest money.

“ don't be nervous; run towards the light. I need to live for higher purpose. ”

she feels empowered again, as heard in power is power, got it on me and icon. she’s started to make a name for herself in the demigod world, with a nearly impeccable completion rate. feeling invincible, she almost pities whomever she has to defeat next. she thinks that the only thing that could slow her down at this point would be forming attachments with others.

“ a knife in my heart couldn't slow me down ‘cause power is power, my fire never goes out. I rise from my scars, nothing hurts me now. ”

“ many men wish death 'pon me. yeah, I don't cry no mo'. I don't look to the sky no mo' 'cause I got it on me. ”

“ I am not a Mayan, I'm a menace. ”

in otherside, she knows that there is a high possibility that this mission in opposition of zeus may be her last. despite herself, she feels bonded to celeste and adelphie, and she feels grateful to have met them regardless of what the consequences may be.

“ if it all ends, and it's over. if the sky falls fire. best believe me, you will see me on the other side. if we wake up, lose our patience, or even lose our lives, oh, I'll feel lucky to say that you've been a friend of mine. ”

until i bleed out encompasses her feelings in the cave. she’s questioning everything she’s done up to this point in her life, which she fears is quickly coming to an end. after she tries to revive the already-deceased adelphie and watches celeste be thrown off the mountain, all she can feel is paralyzing shock and terror.

“ I can’t move. I’m so paralyzed . . . I can’t explain why I’m so terrified. . . well, I don't wanna touch the sky no more. I just wanna feel the ground when I'm coming down. ”

gone too soon - reminiscing of a fallen friend.

“ shiny and sparkly and splendidly bright. here one day; gone one night. like the loss of sunlight on a cloudy afternoon. gone too soon. ” 

in the other side, jazmine starts to consider her new beginning. she’s enrolled at eonia and is studying business, of all things. it’s the closest to normal she’s ever been, and it feels weird.

“ back on your feet again, lift your head, hold it high. you wanna run it back, but you can't turn the time. you start to feel like you're losing your shine, but the grass ain't always greener on the other side. ”

she knows that people at eonia may have varying opinions of her depending on what they’ve heard, but she feels that she doesn’t have to explain or change herself for anybody, which is represented in ohfr?.

“ ... wе reel in any bitches fishin' and seekin' out for attention, geekin' in the mentions. please don't make me have to smack a bitch. ”

the next song is lonely. she’s still proud of the name she’s made for herself, but now that she’s mostly away from all the chaos and mayhem, she realizes how alone she feels.

“ everybody knows my name now but somethin' 'bout it still feels strange, like lookin' in a mirror, tryna steady yourself and seein' somebody else. ”

she’s not quite at my sanity yet, but she’s trying to get there.

“ when I'm feeling like life's really putting up a fight, and I don't know the reasons why. from the front to the back, throw my hair down my back, and I know it's gonna be alright. ”

[thorsstorms]

Abroad Pt. 19

Summary: Being the Hemsworth Kids’ Nanny, you were vowed to keep it strictly professional for their sake, but do the stolen glances go unnoticed between you both?

Word count: 5.2k

Warnings: y’all know I’m a bitch for angst by now right?

A/N: @hildehuffles this ones for you. ALSO. THE YOUTUBE CHANNEL IM TALKING ABOUT IS YES THEORY. I was in Venice a couple weeks ago, and felt like adding in a little get away like I had done. I told no one I was going and literately hopped on a plane with an Airbnb secured. #SeekDiscomfort also one of the best trips to LA I had ever taken. 10/10 recommend. 

Masterlist

Your eyes were glued to the generously sized television screen mounted on the wall, holding the flimsy bottle of water tight in your hands. The conversation took a swift turn with only a sentence spoken and it was the two of you dressed at the premier that was painting the background. You knew she was only doing this to tease him, and the sly comments he made in turn settled your nerves.

“So Chris… Who? Who‘s that?” His eyes were drawn to the monitor, not startled at all by her outburst but calm, with a telltale pink tint creeping up and a squinty eyed smile trying to stay buried.

The crowd whoops in retaliation.

He stayed silent a moment more, staring at the monitor, thinking of a way to answer until the crowd calms down. The comedian looks mischievous, obviously taking pride in his suffering though she knows exactly who you are now. The crowd doesn’t need to know that detail. She only means to tease, it’s who she was!

He folds his hands, rubbing them together before simply saying, “I have never seen that woman in my life.” Obviously joking. 

“Oh come on!” she pushed, glowing eyes with a smile stretching across her cheeks.

“Yea, yea. That is my girly-friend, you could say. It’s-It’s weird to say that because I feel like she’s more than just a girlfriend, you know?” He glances again back at the large picture behind him before running a hand down the side of his face, focusing back forwards. He knows you are just watching the screen, glued to the screen at that, in the green room. He didn't know what you were thinking! It could go one of two ways in his mind. Absolutely silently losing your mind or laughing in retaliation to his discomfort of not knowing what to say. Hopefully the latter.

“Oh! I know.” She jokes, full on laughing at him while he smirks but stares daggers playfully. She knows you were more than just a girlfriend in his mind now, but how could he resist the shot of you meeting and hugging Ellen Degeneres and not stick the ring up and snap a photo of the moment while you were faced away? She was a trustworthy person, or so he hoped. Not proven wrong so far.

“Okay, Okay,” she settles herself. “So tell me, where did you find her?” She was keen to the details.

“Uhh- The internet,” he says without missing a beat. You almost choke on your own spit at his fast response, not knowing whether to laugh or crawl into a hole. But the crowd loved it, laughing. He sure got a kick out of the response, thinking he, himself, was funny. Loser.

“You are joking.” Ellen says, dead panning him.

“No, no really. My, uh, my manager found her for me.” He continues on, deceiving the crowd. Depriving them of the whole truth.

“Oh my god, Chris,” you mutter to yourself in the quiet room. Ellen got a kick out of that even more, stopping him from continuing down this road. He obviously was not going to give straight forward answers.

“Okay, okay.” She switches to a different question. “So…” She dragged out for an effect. Maybe just to make him squirm.

“Oh no,” he mumbled. She just had a look, a look that told that she had so many wrong questions under her sleeve.

“You filming something Chris?” The crowd slowly grew to giggle when he didn’t answer. Just stared her down trying not to react.

“Do you have, like, anything I can answer?!” He burst with a chuckle, wiping his palms on his thighs. “I’m just in town, and agreed to come see you and you treat me like this!” His smile was bright while she muttered apologies, laughing at his distress.

The interview eventually calmed down, them playing a rapid fire game afterwards. You finally settle into the couch to watch the interactions.

That was so not as bad as it could have been. He knew what he was doing during interviews anyway, or you had hoped.

~

You slept in the next morning, only waking to acknowledge that he was leaving for the day. This was a free day to yourself and sleeping in as long as you wanted seemed like the best way to start.

He left you with a mere kiss on the nose before he trudged out the door. The night before was yet another dismissal and it left you flustered and annoyed as all get out, so the day to yourself was the best present around.

Regardless of how much you thought you wanted a calm day, you were texting him by noon, telling him you were bored. By the time he replied, a mere 45 minutes later you were already sucked into YouTube. You found a new channel that piqued your interest and were easily four videos in.

“Sorry princess. Come with me tomorrow?”

You read the preview and sighed, ignoring it for the moment and pressed play on the video again. These guys in the videos were entertaining... inspiring, even.

By the time the fifth video started, their names were easily remembered. What sparked interest even more was the fact that they are based out of Venice Beach, a mere 45 minute drive through LA, on a good day at least.

The video of them walking the sidewalks interviewing strangers that were bold enough to go on an adventure made you want to feel the same sun they were obviously surrounded in. The couch had been your home for the last hour, a window open to let in some light, shining gold streaks through the room, but it wasn't enough.

The rules that plagued yourself were on a repeat in your head as you clicked on another video, then another, and another. You were not supposed to be spending too much time staring at a screen. You weren't supposed to drive, or go out on your own because you are still healing. You're not supposed to be in such sunny areas it could hurt your eyes still. Don't do this, don't do that.

It is suffocating. Infuriating that the list of long don'ts probably repeats through Chris’s head like a mantra, that's why he won't touch you. That's why he won't let you touch him.

Anger slowly flowed through your mind as you started to lose focus on the video playing. You closed the app and opened google maps, staring at the words ‘Venice Beach’ in correlation to where you were stuck inside, across the city. It was like torturing yourself. A silent battle of wanting to just go, go and then think about it later.

You slowly rolled your shoulders back as you sat up on the cushions of the couch that were not as comfy as you had hoped. The time on the lock screen taunted back at you. You could go and make it back in enough time to be home before Chris got back. You scoffed at the thought. He wouldn't be happy, but you were an adult. A very capable adult who can make their own choices. Staying in your bubble of Byron almost makes you forget your own sense of independence. He doesn't get to decide what you can and can't do.

The bathroom light shone a tad brighter than the natural lighting in the living room, eyes squinting quickly at the flush. You moved to the sink to wash your face, pulled a hair tie to braid your hair, and picked out some clothes.

Double checking for your wallet and phone in your purse brought on second thoughts. You never answered his text. He probably wouldn't notice for a while anyway. You pushed away the small ache of neglect that settled inside, it wasn't his fault. He was working. It’s when he wasn't working, that's when brush offs hurt the most.

Checking your makeup again in the mirror to make sure the covering was adequate over the blueing bruises, you made your way out, pulling the door behind you after ordering an Uber to Venice.

Los Angeles wasn't all the glitz and glam that movies made it out to be. You learned that pretty fast last time you all had been here, with the kids. Having a temporary place in Burbank meant crossing the city often, though a quick commute for Chris. The studios were not but a 6 minute drive away. Ideal, yes. But fun, no.

The drive seemed quick, the driver was slightly chattier than what you thought was normal but you were not complaining. You may have just had a week with more adult action than you’d had in the last few months combined but you were never one to be impolite. You didn't say much, only that you've never visited Venice before and didn't know why, so you just said ‘why not?’.

When the vehicle came to a stop and a moment of regret flushed forward, but you pushed it back quick. Going by yourself was not the worst thing in the world. How else were you going to be able to see what you wanted to see? You didn't know anybody here in L.A. other than Chris. It wasn't like you could call Miley up and ask her to stroll around town with you. Well, you could. But - not like this.

You adjusted your own sunglasses as you walked the last block towards the water. The art on the walls were bright and gave off calm vibes. A skateboard whizzed past you quickly, catching you off guard. You sidestepped to the right of the sidewalk and watched him ride past you and others, closer towards the shops. Clutching your bag closer to your body, you continued, rounding the corner to what was familiar from the videos you had been so enamoured with.

Towering palm trees. Bikes, so many bikes. So many skateboards. You looked around a moment after making sure you were out of the walk way, admiring the ease of the people around. The skatepark up on the hill and the art lining the sidewalks it was all what you hoped to see from the video.

The shops were cute, making your way through a few. So many surf shops and all you could think about was guilt that Chris didn't know you left the apartment. Everything reminds you of him. A fire fight started in your brain - consisting of respect you had for having a partner versus having a sense of independency. You didn't have to disclose every footstep, you never expected him to, at least.

The spiral of your thoughts continued as you strolled across the sidewalks, leaving behind the shops. You took a seat in the grass overlooking the busy basketball courts and pulled your phone out. Ignoring the warmth on your shoulders from the sun, you checked for any notifications and were met with none.

Did you have a right to feel the way you were feeling at the moment?

Was it selfish? Was it hormones? Forget that.

But were you chalking it up to be something more, just a spiral of thoughts when he wasn't there to discredit them? Your clouds caused a moment of zoning out as you pondered.

You both spent all day yesterday together, he even made you dinner, working in the kitchen with music playing while you watched him from the couch. Admiring and happy to see him. A glint in your eyes that stayed, unsubdued. A girl can't help but be worked up when she had gone so long without him, pregnancy hormones were no help to the cause. All you wanted was for him to acknowledge what you had been repeatedly showing off.

You were horny.

There was no other way to put it. And a healing head injury was not going to magically make the want disappear, even if it seemed to have made the want disappear from himself. The thought made your stomach clench, remembering when he turned around and caught you staring at him with lustful, shameless eyes.

He knew the look. He knew it very well. But what happened when his eyes met you made your blood run cold, your feet quickly allowing you to leave the room so the hitch in your breath wasn't caught by his ears.

He had looked away from your gaze with a sigh, turning his back to you. Another word didn't leave his mouth until he had come to find you in the bedroom to tell you that dinner was ready. He stopped himself from pushing open the door when he heard you talking. The sadness in your voice, clouded with tears as you spoke to whoever was on the other line.

“We had such a good day, I had such a good day,” you corrected. “But, but I just-” you stopped a moment, taking in a shaking breath to gather your thoughts. He looked at his feet, bowing his head when the upset nature of the phone call settled in his mind.

“I just miss him so much Bri, and I feel like he just doesn't see me. I feel -”

Your speech was cut off by yelling through the line of the phone. You sucked in a breath and it came out in a shudder, trying to calm your own emotions. He didn't know what she was saying but it silenced you. He felt heavy with guilt that he was the source of your anguish. He needed to stop being weak. He was scared to hurt you but here he was, causing you pain repeatedly until he was the source of your tears. He didn't know if you were crying or not, but he could feel the pain and confusion behind your words.

You started to wrap up the call. A sting of “I know”s and “Okay”s spilled off your tongue and he made his way back to the kitchen, hoping you wouldn't feel upset if you knew that he was listening.

He stood plating the stir fry when you made your way back into the room with a grim smile, peaking at him and muttering ‘thank you’.

You remembered how he led you to the couch and played a random movie on the TV while you ate. He pulled you close to him when you both cleared you plates. The rush that had flooded through you made you blush. You sat there snuggled to him for almost an hour before you both headed to bed and he didn't touch you again.  He said all the right things, but words were hard at having such a meaning when his actions were iffy.

“I love you.”

“I'm glad you're here with me.”

“I missed you.”

“I love you, so much,” he would say with a rub on your arm.

A small kiss to your temple and you rolled on your side away from him, closing your eyes. Unbeknownst to you, he felt a bit of his heart break away when he watched you reach for the blankets and tug them to your shoulders, seeking them out for warmth rather than himself.

The empty notification screen mocked you, clicking the phone off once again. You looked up at your surroundings to admire the feel. It was busy, but not uncomfortably so. The skatepark behind you was bustling, and so were the basketball courts in front of you. But right there, where the grass was a soft green and you leaned against the raised plateau behind you, it was serene. Fairly quiet for the crowd around, but it was as if the sound didn't carry. The seagulls above were gliding, and the faint clicks of skate wheels hitting the ground blurred into the background noise of music coming from the shops.

It was a good spot to think. Something you have alway done far too much of.

The buzz in your hand had you snaping your head towards it, a dull ache spreading down your neck at the swift movement. The message had you jumping to your feet, making your way to the corner where you were dropped off.

“Almost done here. In the mood to go out for food?”

~

He beat you home, only by a minute though it seemed. As you were stepping out of the car and thanking the driver, your phone started ringing. You declined, tossing it into the mess of a purse you had as you made your way inside to the elevators, favoring talking to him in person instead.

The ride up seemed to go by faster than any other time before, allowing your nerves to revv in the light of Chris possibly being upset. The padding of your shoes made it to the door, your hand pushing it open.

His eyes met yours when the door opened and unsurprisingly the first words out of his mouth were, “where were you?”

“I just needed to get out for a bit,” you acknowledged lightly, setting your purse on the counter tops. You didn't meet his eyes, turning your back and digging for your phone. His voice was laced with curiosity, not expecting you to not be there when he arrived, even if you were only off by a mere minute or two.

“Where did you go?” He asked, keeping his feet planted. You turn to see him. He truly had just gotten here, a bag still thrown over his shoulder and shoes still on his feet. His brows furrowed as you met his eyes and then diverted from them again, absentmindedly rubbing your temple where bruises were covered.

“I went to Venice Beach, I haven't been there before and I just want to walk aro-”

“How did you get to Venice? Did you go by yourself?” He worried on with a malice tone. Your ears were growing red as he spoke.

“Yes I went by myself, who else would I have gone with?” You hissed at him. You could already feel your hands shaking. You knew you had worked yourself up today while you were out and were just waiting for the point to start a fight. Still completely confused on whether he deserved it or not, but you were beyond frustrated.

“I don't know anybody here! I have one friend who I barely see! Yes! I went by myself. I needed to be around people. I'm lonely!” You raised your voice at him. He stepped towards you with his hands out when your defense shot up. You crossed your arms around yourself protectively, delivering a sign of needing to be comforted, even if by your own arms.

“I'm sick of being by myself!” You told him as he grew closer, watching with pained eyes as you laid it out for him. “I just - God I don’t know. I just - I needed to get out and do something.”

“Hey,” he calmed. “Im right here.”

“No, Chris!” You pushed his outstretched hands away from your own. “You're not.” You took a deep breath while he stood speechless, catching an eyeful of the hurt you were carrying on your shoulders.

“Princess,” he pleaded, waiting for you to take a look at him but your eyes were wandering to any surface but his.You couldn't get the right words out to say. It had always been like this when you grew frustrated, your own vocabulary runs from your thoughts. You grew silent as a tear finally fell from your eyes but was quickly wiped away by his own fingers. When you didn't protest his touch he took that as a good sign. He muttered your name in surrender.

“What do you want me to do?” He watched for a reaction. “Tell me what I can do.” He was at a loss. Spending more time apart than together was a strain that was eerily familiar and it pressed down on him so hard he was ready to beg for understanding. He wanted to understand what he could do to make this better but what you said next caught him off guard, rendering him silent and confused.

“Do you love me?”

His eyes burned at the yearning of your question. The watery eyes that flicked to his in search of an answer. His lips were dropped open at the turn of events this evening had taken. He thought about this evening all day. He was going to let you choose the place for dinner and shower you with dessert, with love, and affection to make up for what he had overheard. He wanted to show you the beautiful diamond that had your name written all over it and ask a very important question.

He was too quiet, mulling over how he had gotten to this point while you stood with uncertainty, continuing on your quest of finding answers.

“I know I'm starting to look different,” your head bowed at the revelation that he might not like what he sees. “And we are so far apart alot, but I'm still me.”

He spoke your name, drawing himself from his silent trance, wanting you to stop now and not speak another incredulous word.

“My face,” you whispered sadly. “It will go away in a little bit...” The whole in your chest was opening, grabbing a hold of your voice and refusing to let another word out.

“Baby, stop,” his words filled the empty void when yours ceased. He eyed a hand of yours making its way to your neck, a sign of discomfort. He stopped it in its tracks and pulled you to his chest.

His arms cocooned you, holding you far too tight to be comfortable, but you needed it. To feel he was there and there with you. He pressed you head to his chest with the revelation of disregarding his own hesitancy of somehow hurting you with his touch. His heartbeat melding with your own as you froze, slowly melting your guard until tears wet his shirt.

If his goal was to keep you from harm, he failed. It was proven when you released the tension from your shoulders against his grip. His words repeated until you showed signs of listening. Words of reassurance and love. Words filled with apologies and pleads for you to forgive him for causing you this pain. He was naive to think of you in such a way. To make up a version of yourself that was weak or fragile. He lost sight of the fire you have in your veins when happiness emits from your aura. The glow you have when your body shakes from laughter. The strong independent girl that rounded the corner of his kitchen and introduced herself without a glitch of uncertainty. But here you were asking for reassurance and he knew it was his own fault.

You cried in his arms, letting him carry your weight from the room before he sat down on the bed and let you take a moment to breathe, curled atop his knees and listening to his voice.

“Hey,” He said, lifting a hand from your shoulder to run over his face, drying the wetness that plagued his own skin. “You are so beautiful that it takes my breath away. Perfect. And I mean in every sense. You will always be perfect. Princess I never want to hear you say those words again. You are so perfect. And always will be. We have a little baby growing.” You took a deep breath, picking your head off his shoulder and reaching down to lay a hand over the swell in your tummy.

“A baby!” He said, laying a hand over your own, though waiting for you to meet his eyes again. “You will look different, princess, and I will be here and love every single minute of it. I promise. No doctor appointments with Bri, I will be here. And this,” He brushed your hair away from your face, fingers lingering against your scalp. Your head tilted up and basked in the touch.

“This I take responsibility for. It eats me up inside, but you still take my breath away. Every time, and always will.” He watched as you looked at him and listened intimately to what he was saying. “And I want to be the person you go places with. You can go alone if you like,” he added, “but I will never not want to be by your side. Do you understand me?”

You look on a second more, gauging his expression and contemplating his words before you nod. “No more tears, please.” His hands moved to cradle your face, thumbs clearing the skin and in a flash his lips met yours. Filled with promise, he kissed you like you wished he would for days. You craved his taste and was letting you have it, finally feeding into the small fire in the pit of your stomach.

“I love you so much,” he whispered against your lips.

“I have something I want to show you,” he admitted, pulling away. A deep, clarifying breath escaped your lungs and he rubbed your back in turn, reaching in his pocket for his phone with the other hand.

His fingers fumbled across the screen, having to reenter the password twice. You looked away and laid your head into the crock of his neck, closing your eyes. Whatever it was, surely it could wait while your heart mellowed to a regular pace.

The peace was cut short when he whispered your name again, drawing your eyes open. He pushed his phone from his hand and into yours.

“There’s an album right here with your name on it.” You looked on at his camera albums listed on the bright screen. “And I want you to look through it.” He was certain with his words, urging you on.

“Why?” you asked, looking back up at him.

“I love you so much princess, I just want to show you, I want for you to know it and never question it again.” His sincerity was clear, nodding back down towards the phone in your hands. You opened it without a word and clicked on a photo. It was nice, from a few months back, but neither you nor India were looking towards him. She sat in front of you on the kitchen counter, clearly way past her bedtime. Both of you sneaking a bowl of ice cream but what stood out was the smile adorning both of your faces. Crazy hair and slightly sunburned cheeks laughing at each other. You remembered the night clearly, both of you having a private running joke to see how much ice cream you both could eat before Papa notices and “makes us eat salad for dinner”.

You sneaked a look up at him after glancing at the photo, “You know we sneak ice cream all the time, right?”

“Sure do,” he laughed in return. “Keep going.”

You looked back down at the phone and swiped to see another. A photo snuck from the doorway while you rested your head in your hand, elbows on the table as you watched the boys write something out on some paper in the homeschool room, reaching out with the other hand to point at something on Tristans’ sheet.

The next one was you sitting at the foot of the couch while India stood tall above you trying to put a braid in your locks while Sasha sat on your legs with a book in his hand. It was serene, calm. You pressed down on the picture to watch the Live, a short clip of fingers tangling in your hair and Sasha's voice reading aloud. You stifle a smile at it.

The next made you suck in a breath. You were sleeping in his bed at home, the sheet barely covering you. The curve of your back disappearing into the sheets, obviously sleeping in the nude, unaware of the camera pointed at you.

“Chris!” You teased, looking at him. And smirked and shrugged his shoulders, encouraging you again to continue. You brought your attention back to the photos, swiping through more and more. There were many and you kept going at a steady pace until another caught your eye.

You brought the screen to your eyes to examine it, brows furrowing in curiosity. Sasha’s room, although slightly messy, was easily recognizable as you lounged on the bed in the background, lying next to the boy.

Fingers trapping a small ring with an identifiable glow thrusting off the jewel perched atop. The pads of your fingers zoomed in on the object, at the same time, fairly sure your lungs stopped working.

You quickly swiped to the next picture, though the same ring adorned the foreground.

This time you stood against the bathroom counter brushing out your hair.  The circle of jewelry resting around his own finger, reaching just below the first knuckle before it got stuck. You stared at the daring ring, resisting the urge to look at the man whose chest was pressed against your shoulder, whose arm rested across your back, rubbing gently, urging for you to continue.

You covered your mouth at the next one, fingers resting across your lips in astonishment. The bare skin of your shoulders were accented by the waves of your hair falling over them. Eyes closed, rested against his chest in search of sleep. He was cheeky, smiling in the photo, showing off a glowin diamond on a ring far too small for his own fingers.

The next picture was another of the same nature. Then a photo of you reaching for a glass in the kitchen. One of you sleeping on a plane. One of you naked, behind the blurred glass of the shower doors. One of you staring intently at your phone while standing at the counter. One of you standing in the mirror, examining, no - admiring the form of your growing baby.

You knew Chris was up to something, fidgeting after taking that photo, looking guilty as all get out. A brief watery laugh escaped as you reached that one.

The next was hilarious, Ellen with her face over your shoulder, with a surprised look, staring right at the camera. She knew!

You looked up at him, waiting for an answer to these photos. He just smiled and nudged you till you finished. There were more, a few more, as recent as this morning before he snuck away to go to set.

“It’s for you, love,” his voice whispers against the skin of your neck, lowering his lips to press a kiss where he knows you melt no matter the circumstance. An arm tightened around your back as he leaned forward and reached under the mattress, pulling a hidden box from the crease. You glazed at it as he switched hands and then brought it to you, flipping it open.

It was there, in person and not in a photo, demanding attention is the slyest of ways. It was beautiful, extravagant with an essence of simplicity. Words were caught in your throat as you stared at it, slowly blurring from your vision from unwelcome tears.

“Will you marry me?”

[edgeofmyniall]

three: “Jolene”

masterlist | taglist | thoughts

“Jolene, I'm begging of you please don't take my man....please don't take him just because you can”

Ginger woke to fifteen missed calls from Niall, thirty-three texts that consisted of variations of “Are you okay?” and “Please call me back.” Each text made her head pound, whether it was out of anger or something else she didn’t know. But the one text message that made her heart beat rapidly and forcibly made her sit up in bed out of pure shock was a single text from John Doe.

Daniel....

Hey, what are you up to? 

It was sent at 2:56 a.m. She could hear her mother clearly as she bit the inner corner of her lip: “Nothing good comes after eleven. Nothing.” It was now 8:39 a.m. Nearly a six hour difference between the initiation and response. Ginger quickly tapped at the screen, trying to come up with a witty response. Her brain tried to remind her that this was bad news like Niall, but her heart told her brain that Daniel could have changed and their history proved volitable.

Her body began to involuntarily shake as she stared at the name in the top part of the screen. She smiled to herself as she thought of the many memories her and Daniel shared. 

Just woke up, haha. What’s up with you? Long time, no see.

The ellipses popped up immediately and Ginger threw her phone across her bed at the sight of Daniel responding. This is actually happening. Wait, wasn’t he married to what’s-her-face? Kendall? Kimberly? K-something...

Ginger tried not to keep up secretly with Daniel after everything he put her through, but she just had to know if he was happy, like truly happy. He went through many girlfriends until he met his wife at college in Florida. She watched afar and silently as he found happiness.

Couldn’t sleep. I was going through our yearbook and I couldn’t stop wondering if you’re doing good G

G. It had been years since someone had called her that. And it was Daniel’s name for her. Even after he broke her heart that afternoon so long ago, he would still linger his eyes on her for a bit too long for someone who never liked her. Never cared for her.

I’m doing good. In California working. What about you? You become that all-star catcher? She knew the answer, but she wanted to keep the conversation going. Talking to Daniel brought her unexplainable joy no matter what the conversation was about. 

Nah. I’m coaching at the high school though. Figured that was as close to MLB as I’ll ever get haha

Ginger tried to think of a witty comeback for his statement before there was another message.

Miss you G. You’re still beautiful 

Ginger blinked violently as she tried to process what just happened. Daniel misses me? In what dream state am I in? She couldn’t think of anything to say, but the yearning truth: Miss you too Danny. 

~~~

Stella was bouncing in the kitchen. Bouncing isn’t the correct word- she was dancing to Miley Cyrus, but bouncing was a better fit than the word dancing. She was practically jumping up and down to some break up song, and Ginger felt like she was suffocating. Either Niall and Stella needed to break up or make amends because Ginger can not take much more of the whiplash the two have caused her. Stella began singing at the top of her lungs off-key and Ginger breathed a sigh of relief when her phone began to rang. It was Niall. 

Stealthily, Ginger sneaks through the living room and pushes the glass door open. The enclosed backyard was small and L-shaped. She spent very little time outside, but she loved the small deck that Stella and her had put together when they first moved in together: just a patio table with an umbrella that was torn in half with mismatched chairs around it.

She closed the door and slid her thumb across the screen.

“Yes?” Ginger snaps, her voice sharp and jagged as her annoyance was made clear.

“I was, uh,” Niall is taken aback from the hurtful tone of his friend. “I was making sure you’re okay.” “I’m fine,” Ginger is short with Niall, something that isn’t normal.

“Ya sure? I wasn’t tryn’ to be a dick last night, I just...I have a lot on me mind.”

“Well you were, so…” Ginger twirled her hair in between her fingers as her mind wanders at the thought of Daniel. What was he doing? And why did he text her after all this time?

“I’m sorry. I just… I don’t know.” Niall’s voice fades off and that pulls Ginger back into reality. She sits on the cement stair leaning out to the background and leans against the glass door. 

“What’s wrong? Tell me. Or I’ll beat it outta you,” Ginger accepts Niall’s apology with a threat of unbelievable violence-her way of cheering up Niall. It had worked in the past.

“I’m givin’ Stella to the end of the month to get ‘er shit together, or I’m leaving. I’m gone. For good. No more hangin’ out wid each oder. Done.” Ginger imagines Niall waving his hands around as each of his words spills out into the line. The way he picks at his cuticles and bites his lip as he waits for an answer.

“And you’re gonna tell she has until the end of the month?” Ginger asks, her brow quirks up in half amusement and half surprise. 

“No.”

Ginger shakes her head to process the simple answer.

“She can figure it out on her own. She’s smart. I won’t try as hard, and if she doesn’t care enough to ask or do anything ‘bout it, that’s when I’ll know.”

“So you’re basing your relationship on telepathic inabilities?” Ginger half laughs and rolls her eyes. “I don’t believe it.”

“I don’t want to be with her anymore, Gin.” Niall’s voice is harsh and deep, frustration floating in his tone.

“Then fucking break up with her. God, fuck this. Either you be with her or you don’t.” Ginger stands up as her tone increases. She’s yelling at Niall now. “I don’t want to be a part of this!”

Stella opens the glass door with a confused look on her face and Ginger looks at her with somber filling her eyes. She stands and faces her cousin whose eyes are puffy from the amount of crying she’s been doing.

“Whether you like it or not, Ginger, you’re a part of this as much as I am. I can’t believe that I’m-”

Ginger cuts the phone off before she hears anything that Niall might regret saying. 

“What was that all about? Who was that? Was that Niall? He hasn’t returned any of my texts, and I-” Stella’s mouse like voice returned to normal and Ginger sighs before cupping her hands around her cousin’s shoulders.

“It was. He just wanted to make sure I was okay after my encounter with Rex at work,” Ginger lies. Her heart is racing hoping Stella buys the line she just dropped. Stella looks at Ginger for a moment and decides it is the truth.

“He’s such a dick.”

“Such a dick. What do you want to do today? I can go do laundry.” Ginger follows her cousin into the house and prays to God for letting the lie work. “I’ve got quarters.”

~~~~

Ginger is scrolling through her Twitter feed as she waits for the clothes to finish washing in the top right machine. Her offer of doing laundry was a plea to escape the house. Her rhythm of washing, drying, and folding the warm, clean clothes was meticulous enough to get her mind off certain things: Niall, Daniel, and the whole Stella situation. 

Every time she wanted to be alone, needed to be alone, someone was there to interrupt her thoughts and processes of events that happened in the past two weeks. 

Celebration Dinner: Niall came on to Ginger multiple times during dinner and after driving her home, he basically all but told her that he had feelings for her. Then she avoids anyone associated with him for two weeks which includes her cousin a.k.a. his girlfriend. Then last night or this morning, depending how you look at it, Daniel texts her out of the blue. What the hell is going on? 

A sudden light tap on her shoulder makes Ginger jump. She’s on edge since dinner two weeks ago as if she’s hiding something; like she’s guilty. It was a young girl with braids throughout her hair that needed to get by and Ginger’s sprawled out legs were taking up the walkway.

“Sorry sweetheart,” Ginger mumbles and smiles to the little girl. “Here,” Ginger pulls a dollar worth in quarters off the machine she’s been leaning on as she sits and waits for the washing machine to be done. “Go get you a coke.”

The girl happily takes the coins and pushes the clothes basket into her mother’s calves. “Momma, this girl gave me money for a drink. Can I get one?” The dark-skinned lady turns around and looks at Ginger, and as awkward as she may feel right now, Ginger smiles softly. She knew the mom wasn’t happy about the basket wreck or that a complete stranger gave her daughter money, but Ginger looked decent enough. She sighs before saying: “Did you tell her thank you?”

“Thank you lady!” The young girl runs to the back of the laundromat and decides what she should pick.

“You really have a way with people.” The simple sentence was spoken to Ginger and she knew by the accent who it was: the one person she’s been trying to avoid. She closes her eyes and sighs softly before turning around. “You hung up on me.”

“Yeah, well, you were being a dick again.” Ginger goes back to her scrolling on Twitter as Niall sits down on the bench beside her. He begins to tap her thumbs and palms against the white rusting metal of the machines as he looks both ways before smiling very assholishly in Ginger’s opinion.

“I’m a dick for expressing my thoughts. I’m a dick for not. Catch twenty-two.” Niall’s voice hums over the dryer behind him and it was a tug on his striped shirt that pulled his glance away from Ginger.

“You’re in One Direction,” the little girl that Ginger had given her money to had come up to Niall. “You look different.”

“I look different?” Niall asks and the little girl nods. “Well that’s ‘cause I’m growing up. Like you are. What’s yer name?” Niall crouches down to talk to the girl better, and she smiles.

“Jamiyah. My momma calls me Jay.”

“Where is your mom? Is she here?” Jamiyah nods and grasps Niall’s hand and pulls him toward her mom. Ginger watches the ordeal, but blocks out their conversation. They take a quick picture and Niall is back to sitting down next to Ginger, but this time his hand is close to Ginger’s thigh, and her mind races as she thinks about his burning touch on her skin. Niall is intoxicating her and she still needs to drive home. 

“So are we gonna talk or what?” Niall leans in and whispers, his breath hot on Ginger’s ear. She swallows hard as she tries to concentrate on the social media platform she’s currently on, but it’s a war Ginger isn’t ready to fight. She turns her head and his face is inches away from hers, but she can taste the mint of his breath. Her mouth falls open slightly before she scrapes her teeth against the skin of her bottom lip. 

“I, um, thought you already talked.” Ginger’s words fall out of her mouth before she can process what she’s saying. In the laundromat with the machines whirling clothes around, Niall looks around and sees the small family have disappeared before looking back at Ginger, pulling himself closer. “I’ll never stop talking to ya, Gin.”

His lips tasted of mint and strawberries; Ginger assumes from his midday smoothie. The plump skin rolls against hers as she wanes her neck. Niall’s tongue coaxes Ginger’s mouth open with the gentle brush of his open mouth against hers and their tongues roll against each other. Ginger breathes in deep and lets out a loud moan as she begins to climb on top of Niall, pushing him down onto the bench. Niall cups the nape of Ginger’s neck and halts her from throwing herself onto him. He pulls back, his thumb tracing Ginger’s cheekbone as he catches his breath. Ginger’s hair falls down onto his face and he wants to drown in her curls. Niall’s palm burns into Ginger’s pale skin and as she sits back up, Niall bites his lip as he stifles a grunt.

“Jesus, Gin, got me stiff while waitin’ for the washin’.” Niall looks up at the ceiling, begging his mind to think of anything but the touch of Ginger’s breast grazing his chest or how sweet her lips tasted against his. He smiles as his mind wanders to the things he is yearning not to think of. 

Ginger takes in Niall as his brow folds-concentrating to quiet this hard on Ginger has caused him. His throat is thick and the bulge in the middle is prominent; the only thoughts Ginger has is what she would give to leave her mark on his skin. To burn him with her touch as he does hers. 

“I like this version of talkin’,” Niall laughs as he looks at Ginger. The washing machine dings and Ginger stands quickly before smoothing her unwrinkled shirt. She places the clothes directly underneath to dry and Niall stands before Ginger turns around. 

“Hey, uh, yah. I’m on my way,” Niall cuts the phone call short and he half-sheepishly smiles at Ginger. He grasps her wrists and his touch is fire against her ice skin. “I gotta run, babe.” Niall lets go and begins to walk out of the laundry facility before he turns around and jogs to Ginger. He quickly kisses her on the lips, full and lovingly before kissing her on the cheek and the neck and her ear. 

“Go, you idiot.” Ginger says and watches Niall walk out of the building. It was when she sat down that she realized what she had done.

“Fuck,”

~~~~

Ginger drives home slowly. The corner laundromat ride should not take fifteen minutes, but it does. And an extra five minutes before Ginger braves herself strong enough to walk into her house. The only thing that made Ginger even come home was the fact that Stella needed her clothes. 

In the driveway was parked Niall’s car, and the pit in Ginger’s stomach grew. She wanted to swallow herself whole. 

On the couch, as Ginger walked in, was Niall and Stella. Stella was dry humping and rolling her hips around Niall’s waist in the middle of Ginger’s couch. Anger bubbled in her body and it took everything she had in herself to not throw Stella off Niall and punch him in the jaw. She loudly dropped the clothes basket on the coffee table, interrupting Niall and Stella’s heavy petting. Ginger’s eyes fill with tears when Stella looks up at Ginger as she still holds on to Niall’s neck, her fingers wasted in his hair. He looks as if he’s lost for words and as he tries to gather what he wants to say- to explain what he’s just been caught doing, Ginger walks to the kitchen and locates the bottle of tequila before stomping upstairs and slams the bedroom door shut. 

If Niall can hurt her like this, she’ll hurt him back ten times harder.

~~~~~~~~~

taglist:

@oyesmendes ndes @thicksniall @kare38 @stayclose-holdsteady @halfpinthoran

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 03/04/2021 (Lil Nas X’s “MONTERO”, Mimi Webb, Russ Millions & Tion Wayne)

So, we have a #1 debut, and that’s pretty much the only story here in the UK Top 75 as we get a filler week before Demi Lovato, Olivia Rodrigo and Lil Tjay run in and cause havoc. As for now, “Wellerman” is replaced at the top by Lil Nas X’s controversial “MONTERO (Call Me by Your Name)”, spending its first week at #1 after making pretty sudden gains assisted by the video and alternate versions – the mid-week projection had this at #15. Elsewhere, we just see the fall-out from Bieber. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

It’s a quiet week – only seven new entries, and none from Rod Wave, 24kGoldn or AJR as I had predicted. That doesn’t mean there isn’t some stuff to talk about within the chart, or particularly off of the chart, as we have a fair few drop-outs switching their places with returning entries. In particular, we have Justin Bieber’s “As I Am” featuring Khalid being swapped out for “Anyone” at #25, as well as drop-outs for “Arcade” by Duncan Laurence – slightly premature, I’d think – and all of Lana Del Rey’s songs from last week. We also “Anxious” by AJ Tracey, “Heat” by Paul Woodford and Amber Mark and “Toxic” by Digga D exit the chart, but the only real notable loss was “34+35” by Ariana Grande ending its 21-week run on the chart. Returning to the Top 75 in its place – which I cover – we have “Mr. Brightside” by the Killers of course at #73, as well as “Midnight Sky” by Miley Cyrus at #72, “You’ve Done Enough” by Gorgon City and DRAMA at #70 (really hope this one becomes a hit) and “Don’t You Worry About Me” by Bad Boy Chiller Crew at #66. In terms of climbers and fallers, we do have some notable gains and losses. For songs travelling down the chart, we have “Patience” by KSI featuring YUNGBLUD and Polo G tanking a sharp drop in its third week to #18, “Streets” by Doja Cat shaking off the video gains at #22, “drivers license” by Olivia Rodrigo continuing to collapse at #27, another sharp drop for HVME’s remix of Travis Scott’s “Goosebumps” down to #34 probably due to ACR, which was probably the fate for “Get Out My Head” by Shane Codd at #46. The same probably can’t be said for Drake’s losses, as “What’s Next” is at #40, “Lemon Pepper Freestyle” featuring Rick Ross is at #41 and “Wants and Needs” featuring Lil Baby stalls at #55. We also see falls for “Money Talks” by Fredo and Dave at #50, “Bringing it Back” by Digga D and AJ Tracey at #51, “Sweet Melody” by Little Mix on its way out at #57, “Headshot” by Lil Tjay featuring Polo G and Fivio Foreign down to #61 off the debut (although it’ll rebound thanks to the album as soon as the next week rolls around), “Ready” by Fredo featuring Summer Walker at #62, “You’re Mines Still” by Yung Bleu featuring Drake at #63 and “Day in the Life” by Central Cee at #69. Where it gets interesting are our gains, such as outside the top 40 with “What Other People Say” by Demi Lovato and Sam Fischer which could very well get even higher next week thanks to the album. We also have “Track Star” by Mooski at #53 off of the debut and a couple of tracks entering the top 40 for the first time, those being “Heartbreak Anniversary” by Giveon at #39 and Majestic’s remix of “Rasputin” by Boney M. at #38. Elsewhere in the top 40, we have “Let’s Go Home Together” by Ella Henderson and Tom Grennan at #13 and two songs marking their first week in the top 10, those being “Little Bit of Love” by Tom Grennan at #10, a song continuing to sour on me, and “Your Love (9PM)” by ATB, Topic and A7S, an EDM song at #8 that I initially mocked for its soulless repackaging but has honestly got me pretty hooked since. I’m excited to see how this one does. For now, however, let’s get on with our new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#64 – “Cloud 9” – Beach Bunny

Produced by Joe Reinhart

Beach Bunny is a power pop band who last year released their album Honeymoon on Mom+Pop and it’s basically a modern r/indieheads staple in that it’s an accessible, airy pop-rock record fronted by a woman. It’s not anything unique, really, or different if you look further into it but that’s fine because there’s a lot of vaguely “indie” or music snob releases pushed out every year that miss the charts entirely. It’s a different story, however, when a year later, it gets viral on TikTok and streams its way onto the chart. In that case, we have “Cloud 9” by Beach Bunny, a pretty simple but sweet love song about a guy who just makes her feel a lot better about herself in times where she can’t pick herself up from the rut she’s in. Again, it’s a simple track but enhanced by the wonderful and unique vocal performance from front-woman Lili Trifilo and some pretty great production making sure no guitar lick is missed in this mix, especially in that chorus which is such an ethereal blend of the electric guitar dubs. I would argue that this actually should end at that second chorus even if it ends feeling abrupt as the transition to the final chorus feels a lot less cathartic than it does awkward, especially if the bridge is going to be a simplistic, quirky instrumental meander that doesn’t go far enough to be a guitar solo and hence feels kind of like a worthless addition. As is, this is a pretty great song still, just not the most fully realised once it loses that initial tight surf groove, though I’ll let it pass if we’re going to get rock this good on the charts again. I know this won’t really get more traction for Beach Bunny – or power pop for that matter – but more of this, please.

#52 – “You All Over Me” (Taylor’s Version) (From the Vault) (Remix) (feat. DaBaby) (Part 2) (Radio Edit) – Taylor Swift featuring Maren Morris

Produced by Taylor Swift and Aaron Dessner

Sadly, this does not feature DaBaby and is not the remix, radio edit or sequel to any previously released song. Jokes aside, I guess brackets are the next big comeback for pop music, which goes hand-in-hands with remixes and re-releases, hence why Taylor Swift is dusting off this leaked Fearless-era cut for a new recording with country singer Maren Morris, who you probably know from her contributions to Zedd’s “The Middle”. Now whilst Swift is a great songwriter, I do often find myself frustrated by how she treads common ground all too frequently without establishing much different with how a song is structured or how it emotionally connects. This is true not just lyrically but especially sonically as of recent, as despite being written in 2008, it has too much in common with the less interesting cuts off of folklore for me to really care that much. That’s especially if Taylor’s going to undercut the clean acoustic guitars with flourishes of harmonica and crow sound effects, showing some genuine intrigue here before refusing to let any of that develop past a couple stray melodies or notes further back in the mix. I’m trying really hard to be compelled by these re-recordings and re-releases of her back catalogue as I do consider myself a fan, but it’s tough to pay attention when any new compositions we get sound like folklore leftovers with Maren Morris only put to use as decoration, much like HAIM on “no body, no crime” – and we already got an album full of folklore leftovers. I’m not a fan of this, sorry – I can see the appeal, and I do think this has enough of a country tinge to it to make it at least somewhat interesting – but this goes in one ear and immediately out of the other.

#48 – “Tonight” – Ghost Killer Track featuring OBOY and D-Block Europe

Produced by Ghost Killer Track and Kenzy

Screw the formalities and screw the analysis because D-Block Europe are back to add another D-Block to their EU collection – and since they’re Londoners, their only – and that’s Paris, and contrary to the British nature, we’ve let French rap chart in the top 50 out of the fact that they collaborated with two of the most comical rappers in British history. They’ve also linked up with producer Ghost Killer Track, also from France, as this is ostensibly his song even if he intends not to prove himself with this dull piano-based beat and oddly-mastered bass and percussion, which are really just DBE staples. Unfortunately, past the initial comedy of that first line in the chorus, neither Young Adz or Dirtbike LB deliver any stupid lyrics or funny inflections, instead just resorting to being as boring as they can in their constant flexing as possible. I guess the French guy here, OBOY, commands a higher energy in his verse if only through his comical “no, no, no” ad-libs, but he’s the only French speaker in an otherwise basic British trap song that I just cannot see the appeal in when we’ve had song after song from these guys for three years now. This won’t be the last we see of cookie-cutter UK rap this week though so brace yourselves for that.

#47 – “Last Time” – Becky Hill

Produced by LOSTBOY

It’s almost as if the charts are trying to send me off to sleep as here we have Becky Hill, a singer hedging the line between a non-presence and mildly annoying, which is arguably more frustrating than downright infuriating as her slightly smokier voice does not sound bad, just lacking in texture in every way, especially if the multi-tracking is going to be this minimal on a royalty-free deep-house beat produced by Getty Images with a pretty worthless drop, a generic and simple melody of piano stabs for major chords, and a whole bunch of reverb on the vocal take... but it still ends up feeling dry as there’s nothing here to quench that thirst for a tighter, bass-heavy house banger or even a more ethereal, dreamy trance track, deciding to stick to a healthy medium of boring and utter garbage. Yes, that was a singular sentence. I’m not awake enough to form a cohesive sentence less than 40 words long, and this new Becky Hill track is just worsening that if anything. Speaking of...

#21 – “Body” – Russ Millions and Tion Wayne

Produced by Gotcha Bxtch

Who’s Russ Millions? He’s Russ. No, not that Russ. British Russ – or Russ Splash, stylised as Russ splash on Spotify and nowhere else. This confusingly-named fellow appeared on the charts a couple times and possibly most famously with “Keisha & Becky”, a song also featuring Tion Wayne that is referenced on this very track. Sigh, I usually like Tion Wayne but even he can’t be bothered to delivery his usual brand of suave charm or sinister menace, instead opting for a more growling but ultimately completely monotone cadence that doesn’t flatter him or Russ, who one of my friends described as sounding like one of the aliens from Toy Story. This is a pretty by-the-numbers drill beat too, and it’s pretty safe to say that neither Russ or Tion Wayne here are going to bother with wordplay, even when they start pretty smoothly trading bars and Tion Wayne goes for a more unique chopper flow in the second verse. This is just not of any note. Once again, speaking of...

#17 – “Good Without” – Mimi Webb                        

Produced by Freedo

I assumed Mimi Webb debuted this high because of a talent show she won or something because I’d never heard her name but instead, she just happened to have a major label deal before her unreleased song just happened to go viral on TikTok and just happened to be supported by one of the women who just happened to be the biggest creator on the platform. Yeah, and this song just happened to be garbage, suffering from every possible millennial pop trope and then some, from the mix dressed rather too overtly in reverb, the ugly guitar pluck, a generic indie-girl voice that you swear you’ve heard before in one of those dreadful piano covers of popular songs they use in adverts, as well as this ballad being undercut by badly-programmed trap percussion. I can tell this label is trying to create somewhat of an Olivia Rodrigo phenomenon from this and I for one am terrified of the Poundland knock-offs to come. Screw this.

#1 – “MONTERO (Call Me by Your Name)” – Lil Nas X

Produced by Roy Lenzo, Omar Fedi and Take a Daytrip

At least Lil Nas X will bring some passion into this chart week? Well, not really, as when I hear this I recall that Pitchfork review of his EP, a much-maligned critique that featured the ever-so pretentious questioning if Lil Nas X really enjoyed making and listening to music. It reminds me because I think I now fully get it – at least when Lil Nas X was making slap-dash pop rock with Travis Barker or meme-worthy country rap with Billy Ray Cyrus for less than two minutes apiece, there was something invigorating in the execution or at least in concept. That 7 EP is still not a bad debut at all, but this new single “MONTERO”, a long-anticipated record that went from constantly-teased demo to Super Bowl commercial to Satanic-panicked videos of Lil Nas giving Satan a lap-dance to own the conservatives, has the same remote dreariness to it as “HOLIDAY” did late last year. The acoustic, Latin-flavoured guitar loop reminds me of his much better track “Rodeo” from that aforementioned EP that used its energy for similarly lighthearted subject matter but with some genuine energy, a Cardi B feature and a lot less subtle moombahton creeping in. With that said, I can’t say Lil Nas X didn’t try, as his vocal performance, whilst largely insufferable and strained, gives some energy to an otherwise aggravatingly stunted beat, and makes it a lot more infectious than it has any right to be. Content-wise, the song is essentially about a full circle where Lil Nas X becomes increasingly desperate for a man who starts off lonely and in a bad place, and the irony is that Lil Nas gets more explicitly sexual and crazed due to a combination of the LA life-style surrounding him and the fact that he’s simply, for lack of a better term, “down bad”, despite the fact that this guy doesn’t seem particularly desirable. Lil Nas knows this, though, and acknowledges it in the pre-chorus where he outright says that this guy is living the cocaine-addled celebrity life, but not living it right without Mr. Bullriding and Boobies in his life. I’m happy about the video and the outrage it seems to cause not just within conservative spaces but also amongst the hip-hop community, particularly Joyner Lucas, and I’m pretty happy with how out and proud Lil Nas X is about his sexuality, even if it leads to lines like “Shoot a child in your mouth while I’m ridin’”. I’m just really not a fan of this song past its content, which could really be interesting but falls flat with this plucking production that wastes time in barely two minutes with humming interludes. It’s not bad at all, just not for me.

Conclusion

And that concludes our week, and wow, what a bad week this was for new arrivals. Admittedly, it’s a filler week so only “MONTERO (Call Me by Your Name)” will probably last – or at least we can hope as even if I don’t like the song, I still have to give out an Honourable Mention to someone, and it may as well be Lil Nas X trying to put the effort in. Best of the Week easily goes to Beach Bunny for “Cloud 9”, far and away the only good song here, with Worst of the Week also going out pretty easily to Mimi Webb’s “Good Without”, which is the type of soulless, unmemorable garbage that makes pop music look uninspired, and as a person who writes about the charts constantly, it’s a misconception I don’t want proven or revisited. Dishonourable Mention is a toss-up but I guess I’ll give it to Russ Millions and Tion Wayne for that sprinkle of drill disappointment that is “Body”, and that’ll be it for this week. I predict some impact from Demi Lovato, Lil Tjay and especially Olivia Rodrigo next week, but for now, here’s our top 10:

Thank you for reading – sorry for the grouchiness on this one – and I’ll see you next week!

[singeramg]

Midnight: Chapter 15

Pairing: Clark Kent/ Metahuman! Black! OFC!

Rating: E or M, NC-17 whatever just not for under 18

Warnings: Smut! ( Finally what I promised right?) 

A/n: Okay as as mentioned above this chapter does contain smut, if its not your thing skip to the end. I give a brief summary in my ending author’s note. Please don’t blow me up talking about you weren’t warned.

Catch up HERE! 

Midnight: Chapter 15

*Flashback*

  “Come on Clark you gotta tighten up my dude. This shit is not cute.”

I was standing in the bedroom to his room at his mother's house, in jeans, yellow t-shirt 70′s writing of the words BOSS, across the chest, my silver hoop earrings and freshly applied cherry carmex. Mrs. Martha had called to to come drag Clark from his self imposed shut down, so instead of a quick mall trip by my lonesome, I was here.  He and Lois broke up two weeks ago and he went from optimistic to wanting to follow her to the assignment she picked up overseas (and I told him that might be a bad idea if Superman got a rep for stalking women) he was now in the depression stage. Martha has enough of him not coming out of his room (he also couldn’t go back to the apartment he shared with Lois.) and requests for chocolate and junk food.

Apparently I was the big guns, and I had no clue how bad it was until just now standing in the doorway to the room. It literally had enough empty bottles to become a recycling plant. He was giving me teenage boy vibes and this was a grown ass man.

The part of me that wanted Clark for myself was kind of happy that he and Lois weren’t together but a bigger part of me was crushed for my best friend. I knew how much he loved her, how he planned on proposing to her next month on their anniversary. I could feel how upset he was and I wanted him to feel better. 

 “Gia what are you doing here?”

 “I came to figure out why my best friend has been dodging my phone calls for two days the. I find out he is back at home with his mother and is doing his best to become part of the furniture.”

  “I’m sick Gia.”

I stare at him pointedly. 

  “Kiss my ass your sick....That would work if you were human Clark. You can’t catch a goddamn virus. Now if you had told me a stomach ache I might have believed you. Get your lying ass up dude!”

I walked into the room, and sat at the foot of his bed. He had the covers pulled over his face. He had reached the grief stage and it was not good. I started pulling on the covers trying to inch it down and it worked for the whole of two seconds before he put a stop to that. 

  “Gia I just want to be left alone.”

 I raise an eyebrow and look around in the chaos.

  “If this room is any indication to go by you cannot be trusted to be left to your own devices.”

“Giaaaaa.” He groans out and I stifle a giggle, because I know he is in pain but the whine he did was kinda hilarious.

“Kaaaal.”

I copy his tone and then he sighs and pulls the cover tighter. It was my turn to sigh. I kick off my shoes, and walk over to the opposite side of the bed that Clark was laying on.

I focus all my energy into my hand and yank at his cover, having just enough force to pull it away, however I don’t yank it completely off of him, choosing to slide in next to him.

Clark’s big blue eyes look about as sad as I had ever seen him and his hair looked slightly overgrown and he was growing a beard, only clothed in a pair of shorts. Laying down next to him, I  reached up to his face, because the face of the strongest man in the world did not look like the strongest. 

 “Clark you have got to come face the world sometime.”

 “Does it have to be today? The world is probably the reason she left. I was so busy saving it that I bet she didn’t want to stay around.”

 “Yes boo it has to be today. You can’t sit in here day after day, it won’t make her come back. I’m not saying it isn’t hard to get over something like this but the first step is to try.”

“What if I don’t want to try?”

 “Well I guess we could lay here all day? I mean I may or may not start doing my Britney Spears impressions, then maybe I’ll move on to Miley Cyrus, because I know just how much you love that Party in the USA song, then maybe a little “Girl on Fire” by Alicia Keys....”

He doesn’t move

“ Ooh baby, baby, ohh Baby baby” 

 “Okay okay. I’ll get up just please no singing.”

I start laughing as Clark flips the covers back, and gets up. I knew he absolutely could not stand those songs and/or artists. I couldn’t help but look him over, his body just as fit as ever, slightly jealous that he could spend multiple days eating and drinking nothing but crap and still look like you could grate cheese on his abs. 

-“Stop it Gia.”- I told myself because I knew I couldn’t go down that road of thinking.

   “So now that you got me out of bed what do you want me to do.”

-‘Get back in.-’ Says my inner-thoughts. Outwardly I say

 “I think you need a day out. Get dressed Kent. I’ll wait for you downstairs.”

I pull myself from his bed and start walking, slightly tripping over something on the floor.

“Oh and you need to clean up this mess before we leave, Ms. Martha is not about to chew me out for your mess. No sir.”

“M’am yes M’am.” He says with a look that didn’t scream America Golden boy, but something that was up to no good. 

He says cheekily and half ass salutes in my direction. I toss up my middle finger in his direction and start singing, ‘She’s just a girl, but she’s on fire...’, much to his annoyance,  and close the door to his room on the way out, knowing he can hear me all the way down the stairs and even is whisper, which annoys him even worse...

*Later that night*

 “Clark you are such a cockblocker!”  

We were standing near the exit outside of a bar in Metropolis. We had been there about an hour and a half, Clark had a couple of beers while I sipped on a drink. I left him at the table to get us another round and some shots when a good looking guy walked over to me. He was tall, fit and looked like he kept himself together with a neat fade all waved out and a swagger about himself. Also his emotions were quite even keeled. Which was nice and rare for a change of guys coming up to radiating all the emotions of someone only looking to bone. He introduced himself as Terrance, and I gave him my name. We were talking for all of 10 minutes when Clark walked over to where we were standing, and I had just finished laughing at something Terrance had said, Clark puts his hand on my lower back and says

  “Gia darling I’ve been looking for you. Did you get the drinks? Oh who is your friend?”

I glared at him and then said “This is Terrence, Terrence this is my friend Clark.”

Clark shakes his hand but I can tell he puts just a little too much force behind it because the guy winces ever so slightly and Clark emotions go from protective, jealous to pleased.

I fight the urge to roll my eyes and instead look at Terrence.

  “It was cool to meet you both, I’ve got to get back to my friends.”

He was scurrying away before I could even say goodbye. It was then that I dragged Clark outside.

  “What do you mean Gia?”

  “Don’t play dumb with me Alien boy.” I say the last part in a whisper and poke him in his chest.

  “I didn’t do anything.”

 “So you are going to act like you didn’t just almost break ole’ boys hand in there?”

At this he laughs slightly, but it was at least more of a genuine laugh than I had gotten from him in a few weeks.

  “I wasn’t going to break it. I just wanted to see how he held up. If he even wants the potential to be in your life he’s got to pass muster.”

  “Your muster. He passed mine just fine.”

  “You would have chewed him up and spit him back out Gia. Besides he wasn’t worthy I mean he didn’t even have his pants pulled up all the way.”

 “I told you if it’s done right is called swagger. Anyway. Like I said you are a cockblocker.”

 “Sure, you will be thanking me later from saving you from a bad decision.”

I did some kind of cross between a growl and groan and turned away starting to go back inside realizing Clark wasn’t going to get it. He stops me by gently grabbing my arm.

  “Gia wait.”

He pulls me backward to him again, I end squarely folded into his arms, with his front pressed to my back, face in the curls I left down for the night. I ignore how good this feels, the smell of him, the strength corded through his arms as he holds me tightly.

  “I am sorry Gia. I guess I just don’t want you to leave me. Tonight was supposed to be about the two of hanging out, helping me get over a heartbreak. I just didn’t want my best friend to leave me to drink alone.”

He says next to my ear and I fight off a shutter. I respond by taking a deep breath and saying.

  “I wasn’t going to leave you Clark, what kind of best friend would I be if I let you drink alone?”

I did my best to be mad, but with the way he wrapped his arms around me, the small yet sweet words he used, I was putty. He didn’t have to know how turned on I got by the sound of his voice and honestly I didn’t want to figure out why my heart was racing. If I stayed like this any longer he would figure out it wasn’t from anger.

So I pulled away from him and turned back faux mad and said

  “Come on Kent bring your ass, next round is on you...”

 One hour later:

We walked into my apartment, glad that I hadn’t left it a mess before heading over to see Clark. He trailed behind me, holding the box of cookies from the late night cookie place not far from my house. 

  “I still can’t believe we stopped for cookies at 12 in the morning.”

 “Come on Clark you know there is nothing better than a warm cookie late at night. How many times have you snuck one of your mom’s cookies at night when she was sleeping.”

He ponders

  “Touché. I didn’t even know that place existed.”

  “Yes, it’s fairly new but still awesome. My coworker told me about it and I went one night.”

I didn’t tell him my first time going was the night he showed me the ring he got for Lois and I ate way too many cookies and some vanilla ice cream then had a pity party I threw for myself.

He shakes off his jacket and I cut on a lamp in the living room. He goes over to my couch and plops down, carefully as not to break it. He opens the box of treats and starts to eat one. One of the types I picked out, even though he didn’t ask for that one when specifically asked.

I came back with bottles of water from my kitchen to find the travesty in my living room.

  “Oh hell naw! You are seriously about to get put the fuck out dude! I know you are not eating my peanut butter chocolate chip cookie.”

“There’s like 3 in here.” He shrugs not giving a care in the world and looking down at his phone.

“Yep and all three were mine Kal-El. Now I’ve got to fight you...”

At this he looks up and notices I have red energy balled up on my fingertips. He has half of the cookie left and offers it to me sheepishly, I almost knock it out his hand but that would be too much of a waste so I grab it and eat the rest and wave my hand at the tv.

  “It is so easy to forget you have powers Gia. That you are like me in some ways, but then you do little things like cut a tv on with a wave of your hand or try to kill me and I remember.”

  “I’ve been trying to tamper my use but honestly I just don’t want to look for the remote.”

  “Good reason. Now since I’m not ready to go home yet and you promised me a movie. What’s on?”

I flicked through Netflix, choosing to cast some action flick I’d been meaning to watch, knowing that anything sappy would just make Clark sad again. I put my feet on the coffee table in front of me, relaxing into the cushions finally. Honestly I wanted to put on pajamas but currently they all consisted of Clark’s shirts and short-shorts (if I even wore those) it wouldn’t be appropriate to wear around him, nor did I want him to take them back. So I stayed in my clothes and Clark had come out of his shoes, socks and the glasses he didn’t need. In a surprise move however instead of sitting straight up on his end of the couch, he lays down, head in my lap. 

Most of the time it was Lois he laid on like this or I fell asleep on his shoulder on accident, never fully intentional. I didn't jump up, instead my hands flew up to his hair and pushed it back. He emits relaxed energy and settles further in my lap. I briefly wondered how long had it been since he allowed himself to be cared for? 

We watched the movie and I polished off two cookies and we were about halfway through when an intimate scene came on in the film. My heart rate picks up slightly as the faces on scene blur slightly and I let my mind wonder to what it would be like if that was me and Clark. 

  “You know I can hear your heartbeat right?”

I push at his head playfully and he sits up, but he is much closer than before because of how  he had moved to put his head in my lap. He is smiling one of those megawatt smiles and I Want to punch him kinda but I also want to kiss him. The thought only arouses me further and I want to disappear into the couch.

  “It’s a perfectly natural reaction to the movie.”

 “Sure, this isn’t because you find Sebastian Stan attractive or anything. Sure.”

He takes a large slip of his water, smug.

  “Hey I’ve got to take my kicks where I can get them. Since someone that shall remain nameless kept scaring the guys away from me all night.”

 “All of them were looking at you like a piece of meat.”

“ Did you ever think that I wanted them too.  I mean come on, a girl has her needs.”

 “Yes, but that doesn’t mean you have to sleep with some guy you barely know because he shows you some attention.”

I look at him hurt. He had no clue I was still a virgin but that didn’t give him the right to imply I was whoring myself out to any and everyone. Even if I did he still had no right to judge me.

 “Do you really think that low of me Clark? That I sleep with everyone?”

He immediately radiates guilt and regret.

  “No I didn’t say that.”

 “You implied it. I..I think I’m going to head to bed. You can let yourself out now Kal.”

I say and realize maybe that was one of the reasons he could never see me the way I saw him. This whole time he thought I was a hoe. I get up from my position on the couch, and as my face and eyes burn from embarrassment and sadness I walk to my room, but Clark is faster, stopping in front of me to keep me from the entrance to my bedroom.

  “Clark move.”

I say, moving very quickly to the anger stage.

  “Gia wait. Please I’m sorry. I swear I wasn’t thinking of you like that. It was bad wording...”

  “If it came out that easy then you were already thinking it.”

   “I wasn’t! Honest!”

I roll my eyes and focus my energy into my hand again, having practiced just enough strength to move Clark even if he wasn’t willing. I was proud of myself when he actually moved and I had enough time to get into my room, close and lock the door.

  “Fucking Jackass.” I whisper to the empty room.

 I don’t wait to hear the door close, settling on a hot shower to get all the grime and dirt off of me from sitting in a smoky , sweaty bar half the night. I chastised myself the entire time I was in the shower looking back on all the times we laughed together, me possibly making a sex related joke or dirty throw away comment and realizing he had been thinking that of me the entire time. I grabbed an old shirt and shorts for bed, glad that bras were not required for being in your own home. I cut off the light to en-suite bathroom and jumped nearly a foot finding Clark sitting in my accent chair next to the now open window.

  “Goddamnit  Kal-El you scared the shit out of me. How did you get in here?”

   “You should really keep your windows locked, I mean there are so many weird folks out here that could want to hurt you. Trust me I hear most of them.”

  “Well I can deal with most creepers just like I thought I had dealt with the one standing in my room right now.”

I say, waving my hand toward the lamp next to my bed that comes on to illuminate his face. I can feel that he’s sorry and then desire comes right behind the sorry emotions.

  “Are you wearing my shirt?”

Clark asks me suddenly, with his head turned slightly, almost in confusion and I take note as I looked down, that it was one of his royals shirts and it fell about mid-thigh, which regrettably hid my shorts.

  “I may or may not have borrowed it a while ago, but anyway that is off topic. Why are you still here?”

He comes from the other side of my bed rather quickly, but his gait is not relaxed, it is more of a proud quickstep. I called it his ‘determination’ look, and now I was nervous. Was he mad for me borrowing...stealing the shirt? His emotions didn’t read mad however. In fact they were the exact opposite, the intensity of them made me rub my thighs together slightly.

 “I was here to make you listen to my apology because you are being stubborn again and you know exactly how much I hate you being mad at me so I was going to volunteer servitude and grovel shamelessly but now I am not so sure.”

I could feel the tension in the room and I was sure I was just making it awkward for myself. So I crossed the room, away from him, and headed to my dresser, going to a drawer where I kept other nightwear that didn’t belong to Clark. I didn’t have many options but I certainly didn’t want to look at him. I bent down to get a new shirt from the drawer, quickly skipping over the other 6 shirts that belonged to him. 

 “So what aren’t you sure about Clark? I don’t give apologies for stealing a comfy shirt. Like you want it back or something? I mean at least let me toss it in the wash first.”

Grabbing a purple tank top that I hardly wore, I stood back up, jumping at the slight of Clark directly behind me in the mirror.

 “Oh I think I want it back but not after you’ve washed it.”

I haven’t turned around, choosing to stare at him from the mirror. Our eyes are locked and my face feels warm again, I fiddle with the shirt in my hand as lust begins to roll off of Clark in waves. In direct reaction to both of our emotions  swirling around I feel myself grow wet.

  “You know I’ve been looking for this shirt all over.”

 Clark steps close enough that I feel the warmth he radiates on my back. He doesn’t break eye contact as he pulls me backwards, I gasp feeling his hardness poke me in my back, seeing as he was quite a bit taller than me. He leans down his hand still on his waist, and sniffs, I let myself melt closer to him, so unsure of myself or what exactly was happening but unable to stop it. He pulls away from my hair and sniffs again.

  “You know Gia, one of the perks of being an ‘Alien boy’ as you like to call me, is that my sense of smell is fantastic. Do you have any clue what I smell now?”

I shake my head, too nervous to say the wrong thing and ruin whatever was happening.

  “I smell nothing but you. I can smell how aroused you are and it’s driving me crazy. Usually it’s faint, covered by your clothes and body washes, I can ignore it, chalk it up to you thinking of someone else. This time I can’t.”

  “Clark I am...”

  “Please don’t say you are sorry Gia. I don’t want you to be. What I want is my shirt back, now are you going to take it off or should I rip it? Although I have to say I’m partial to the first because I want more opportunities to take it off of you in the future.”

I feel my breath leave my lungs and it is almost embarrassing how quick I reach down to the hem of the shirt and pull it upwards. We were still standing in the mirror with my back to him, but with the shirt off and no bra, everything was on display. 

Clark delicately runs his fingers down my bare arms, then leans down and his lips meet my shoulders, kissing toward my neck where the junction of my shoulder and neck meet. His hands move to the front of my body, a light touch to my stomach and upwards. The mirror reflects as his large hands grip my breasts and squeeze. I moan out as my eyes drift shut, and my head falls back into his shoulder.   I grind myself backward against his hardness and he releases his own moan against my ear. His fingers from one hand drifts over a darkened nipple and then down space between my breasts, trailing down my stomach.

  “I could leave as you requested Gia, but I know you don’t want that do you?”

“No. Please stay.” I say and I free myself from his grasp as I turn around. He was still wearing the glasses so I pulled them off, sitting them on the dresser without breaking eye contact with his blue eyes that are blown so wide they are almost black. I reach up, and pull him down by the collar of his shirt, finally kissing him the way I had been dreaming about forever. 

He doesn’t break the kiss, only leans down to pick me up and my legs automatically wrap around his waist. He walks over to my bed, laying me down and following with him on top, my legs automatically opening to make space for him between them.  He stops kissing me to pull his shirt off revealing the glorious chest I had seen more times than I could count, but never in this context. I reach down to pull at my own shorts, but he stops me.

  “Allow me.”

I nod at him still nervous to speak much. I watch him pull my shorts and panties off and he stares at the glistening mound between my legs. 

  “So wet,  I bet you would leave a puddle if I picked you up.”

  “A..aaand what will you do about that Kent?”

I taunt him nervously, but it’s not as clear as it would be normally. The smirk he sends in my direction would have melted my panties if I had been wearing them, it screamed dirty. 

  “Guess I’ll have to clean it up won’t I?”

He says and leans down to kiss me again, my hands fly up into his curls, and meanwhile his hands drifts from my hips downwards to my thighs, his hands are warm and they skim up my thighs teasingly. His fingers don’t stop at my thighs and they finally land at my center., meanwhile he stops kissing my lips and his kisses begin to drift down my body. Warmth soon encloses one of my nipples, teasing me until it is taunt with his wet tongue, and one of his long digits enters me slowly. 

“Oh Clark” 

I groan and shift to look down. He takes it as encouragement and moves over to my other nipple and after a few more minutes he adds another finger, stretching me. My hips arch into his hand and as he moves them in and out I can feel myself shuttering around his fingers. I want more inside of me than just his fingers but I was still nervous about all of this. I had fooled around before, made it this far with exactly one guy before him but everything felt new with Clark. Before I had always been in control  of how I felt and what was being done, but I felt like I had none of that with Clark. He doesn’t stop kissing my chest, down my stomach, his lips meeting his fingers. 

This was new to me and as his lips made contact my hips lifted off the bed. My thighs try to drift shut, but of course Clark doesn’t allow that to happen, now using both hands to hold my thighs open, and my hands move back to his head again, desperately wanting to keep him there, with his tongue dancing around my clit.

 “Oh my god Clark!”

 “You taste so good Gia. I could stay down here and worship at the fountain of you forever.” 

My eyes roll shut again, his words making my juice flow even more, which he drinks up with a chuckle against me, the vibrations only driving me further into my pleasure. When he stops eating me out I glare at him like he’s gone mad, I had been so close. Did he not just say he wanted to drink from me forever? 

I glare at him, probably more like a pout I figured since he only laughs again. 

 “Such an attitude for someone who wants to cum.”

 “Clark, where are you going?”

I am afraid he’s finally changed his mind about all of this. 

 “I am not going anywhere beautiful. Everything I need is right here in this room.” He begins unbuckling his jeans, I watch as they slide down his thick thighs revealing his length which I immediately get intimidated by. He is long and thick and I wonder how that plans to fit inside of me? Clark’s eyes follow my eyes to where I had been staring.

 “Where is the famous Gia courage? Don’t think you can handle me?”

I can’t meet his eyes and look around the room. I was actually nervous about this moment. 

 “Actually...I don’t know if I can...I..”

Clark’s eyebrows furrow as he notices that I am no longer looking like I am going to pounce on him, but instead looks like I’m ready to bolt. Instead of climbing on top of me he lays next to me.

 “Gia why are you so nervous? You know I would never hurt you right?”

I nod and pull one hand across my chest covering myself, feeling more self conscious the longer he looks at me. I am staring at the wall opposite him.

 “I am just nervous that’s all. I’ve ne--- I have never done THIS before okay?”

He doesn’t say much for a moment and I just know he is about to get up and get dressed because somebody that looks like Clark doesn’t want someone inexperienced like me. Why would they? He had to notice all of the women at the bar staring him down all night. He had his pick and those women probably knew what to do and could give him a lot more pleasure than I could. 

Clark’s hand comes up to my face, fingers delicately touching, turning it so that I could look at him.

  “Gia. Are you saying you are a virgin?”

 “Fresh as the fallen snow on a mountain top. Kinda blows your “Gia is hoe” theory doesn’t it?”

I joke, trying to relieve the awkwardness of the room, but Clark doesn’t laugh with me.

 “ I’ve never thought that about you and please don’t deflect this... seriously. Are you sure about this? I mean that you want to do this with me?”

I nod. My mouth was too dry to speak, but Clark wasn’t letting that slide.

 “I need words from you Gia.”

The command is simple and direct but a turn on nonetheless. I don’t let it show outwardly however. 

 “Yes Clark. I’m sure. I trust you with this part of me.”

He searched my eyes for a lie, but I knew he wouldn’t find any. His demeanor changes as he kisses me, and his fingers find my opening again. He spends more time opening me up, and he swallows almost every gasp and moan from my lips, then drops back down creating a suction with his lips around my clit that send me soaring.I begin to cum around the fingers tapping that spot inside of me that make me writhe about on the bed. 

Once I come down from the high of my orgasm, I find him staring at me again, if I could I’d blush over the intensity of his gaze. 

  “You are breathtaking Gia.”

He turns and grabs his wallet from the jeans that had been unceremoniously dropped to the floor, producing a condom from inside. I can’t watch him put it on, and I know he can hear how fast my heart is racing again. Clark glides over my body and my legs open wider to make space for him again.

 “I promise I will never intentionally hurt you, but this may hurt slightly based off of what I’ve been told love.”

I brace my hands on his strong shoulders.

 “ It’s okay. Like I said I trust you.”

I feel his length slide in between my folds gathering the wetness there, before slowly guiding  himself inside of my welcoming body.  At least I thought it was welcoming, it felt like I was trying to push him out, and it felt like forever before he came to a stop. He stares at me and kisses me again, full engagement of his lips and tongue as he pushes forward, which makes me break the kiss to gasp into his mouth and whimper through the pain. I don’t even realize my face is wet until Clark wipes my face with the hand that is not holding him upwards. 

  “Breathe please Gia baby.”

I feel my chest rattle as I settle into the pain. Clark is whispering sweet nothings in my ear, and as the pain abates I cue him to move.

He moves out again slowly and as he sets a pace, the pain drifts into pleasure and my nails can’t dig into his back, as his skin doesn’t allow it, so they glide across his back. His hands glide down my body touching every part he could find.

 “Ugh Clark Faster.” 

The overwhelming sensation builds and I flutter around the hard flesh as it moves in and out of me. Clark is definitely holding back and I can tell as he thrusts me through my orgasm. The second one of the night for me and none for him. I start to feel that maybe this is a penance for him, maybe it me, or maybe even a mistake to him. His desire hadn’t gone away, as he was still hard inside of me.

 “Clark, is there a reason you haven’t… you know.”

His face is hovering above mine, his smile is wide following my question. I feel embarrassed considering I couldn’t even use the right words, despite him being inside of me at the current moment.

 “I’ve already asked you to use your words Gia.”

He pushes forward suddenly and I make some cross between as gasp and moan.

“ Fuck.”

“ Well that's a word. A dirty word, but word nonetheless.I’ll give you what you want.” 

He teases me.

 “I didn’t think anything else expressed that properly.” 

 “No? I think I can get a few more words out of you tonight. Then again as long as my name is one of them you can say whatever you want baby.”

His hands slide up the back of my thighs, ending behind my knees. He pulls them up and thrust downwards, deeply into me. My arms lock behind his neck and he obliges me to pull him down into a kiss. He thrusts harder and faster, his lips swallowing my groans and cries as we both hear how wet he is inside of me. He was so deep inside of me and I relished in the groans into my ears. 

I gave completely into the feelings of the moment, feeling Clark inside of me transcending the moment. As I flutter around him again, and he moves us higher and faster, I realize that us ...like this was what I had been waiting on…

*End flashback*

That night had been one of magic, at least at the time. Clark had taken his time and thoroughly taken me apart, and put me back together. Despite my later ramblings I never regretted that it had been him, and not just because of our son. I haven’t asked Clark if the condom broke and if it did he never told me.  I never regretted it because at the time it had been everything I didn’t know I needed and I seriously doubted it would have been that good with anyone else. 

The drive back to the manor was long but it gave me time to think. I needed to think about what I could say to Clark. How do you admit to someone that you’ve loved them like forever? One could guess you would just say it, but I didn’t know it would be that simple. I was about halfway home when a shadowy figure appeared in the middle of the road. It causes me to slam my breaks and I find myself spinning in a circle, then I was rolling, where it came to rest against a tree.

I cough roughly looking around for my phone and I am grateful that I was wearing a seat belt. I can feel that I am in extreme pain, blood dripping from my face, but with the smell of gasoline in the air. I can’t stay in this car or I will die. I use heat energy to create a blade to cut my seat belt since it jammed from the impact. I crawl myself from the driver's seat, ignoring the searing in my hands as the broken glass digs into them.   

 “Fuck.”

I say, noting that my ankle feels like it’s on fire again indicating some sort of injury. Coughing I try to see my way to the road for help as the car begins to smoke. My heart clenches as the shadowy figure walks toward me with nothing but hatred and determination on its heart.

I try to scramble away and try to toss a hasty shield but I’m too weak to manage it. 

The figure grows closer and closer, it laughs. Surprising me by being light and feminine.

It comes close enough as the car, that I had moved away from explodes. It pulls off the hood to reveal a familiar face.

 “Waa...Tracy?”

 “Long Time no see Gia. It’s time to come home.”

And with that she punches me in the face, and everything fades to black...

A/n: Boom.

No but really I truthfully need feedback on this one, because I like reading smut, but hate writing it. Had to get that Superababy here somehow huh? 

SUMMARY: Flashback of the night Kalen was conceived! Gia is forced to crash her car and is taken by someone by the name of Tracy who is familiar to Gia.

As always thnk you for reading, commenting and reblogging! You all rock! The taglist is open! 

Taglist: 

@romyr4​ @bloodyinspiredfuck​ @p3nny4urth0ught5​

[popculture-etc]

Kenny Rogers, Adam Schlesinger,...coping with 2020

Worst year ever although there were some good.

It’s too early yet for me to do a quick look back on what 2020 is like here as we’re only going to be in the first of December tomorrow (it’s Nov 30 here) but I just have to as two losses this year broke me. Kind of, well, especially the second one.

You see, before East Asian pop, Jpop and Kpop, Western pop culture was my thing. It still is and this pandemic has made me go back to that recently starting with...the Beach Boys (their westcoast sound caught me, hook, line, and sinker and I wasn’t very fond of the Beatles to begin with...to be completely honest) I’m currently chillin’ to right now, as I write this post. I’m really weak to the westcoast sound. Beach sound/s in general, rather. I’m a big fan of the beach where nature goes, for one. Since some time, a few years ago, deep chill and tropical house music has been my go-to when I want to chill or calm myself down after an outburst of sorts and I put them on when I just feel meh, especially on Fridays. When I dream of being by the sea, the beach or in some island on my own. I live in a country with a lot of beaches and the Visayas here is basically island region Philippines, lol. Like most people, I listen to music according to mood just like the way I dress according to mood. And...it’s no wonder, really that I’m so into the Beach Boys now. RIP the Beatles. My dad played some songs of theirs on the guitar or so but the hold they have on me waned later on and I just think now how overrated they were back then. They did have good songs but when talking of good music, as in really good that it retains the same sound style or so, it’s the Beach Boys for me. Brian Wilson is the man despite his issues and personal struggles.

Anyway, we’re going quickly off tangent. I’ll save the Beach Boys fangirling for another day. lol.

I grew up with western pop culture rife all around me thanks to my American, cowboy country and folk music listening dad, my Carpenters-loving mom and then, college-aged aunts who’d made me see the Titanic film more than my fingers could count---the third is clearly an exaggeration but well...some of it is true and they were why I got into American films like Pretty Woman (we have this in good ol’ VHS in our family home, my grandparents’ in Jasaan), Mannequin, Ghost etc. in the late 80s, coming into the early 90s. So, tired of all the kdrama and uninteresting kvariety shows on tvn and the rebranded local channel, Kapamilya (long story for what we formerly know as ABS-CBN, the nation’s a mess right now and our gov’t’s just...ick!), I’d retreated to my cave and got into old tv shows I’d watched as a kid instead like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Charmed and it’s been, well, moving on from there. I’m checking out Twin Peaks later. I’ve been watching old Hollywood films too. Some revisits on this include: Casablanca, Gone With The Wind, and especially A Streetcar Named Desire will always and forever be my favorite. Very young and cute and good looking Marlon Brando, ugh. I have some others in the stash which include Bonnie and Clyde I’ll be getting into much, much later, maybe over the weekends and holidays. In sum, I have a long history with western pop culture, especially America’s, more than I have with Japan’s and South Korea’s. The latter being very, very recent so it doesn’t really compare as much.

Let’s get right down to it...

So 2020 had us lose Kenny Rogers to natural causes on March 20 in a hospice and after, Adam Schlesinger to COVID 19 complications on April 1. I know the latter as the songwriter of The Wonders’ That Thing You Do from the film sharing the same song title. I know Kenny Rogers well because my dad listens to him over and over in the car. In pretty much the same way, I know the words to Islands in the Stream by heart and I accept and revere it as one of the best, if not THE BEST country-pop duet songs of all time between Kenny and Dolly Parton...as far as country and pop music in the US of A’re concerned, of course. Miley and Shawn Mendez’s cover of it I’d seen recently was alright but nothing still beats the OG one, as always. With music, it’s just, really always the case.

Kenny departing from us March this year was alright. He was well cared for in a hospice and at the right age too, to leave us and this mess of a world behind for the afterlife. Sounds grim but not really. Heh. He died of natural causes so we know he was at peace and accepted then that his time has come. Fans and long-time listeners of his should also be at peace with this knowledge. I don’t consider myself a fan but since he’s been around so much because my dad plays his songs in the car often, I’m the same. I’ve accepted his passing away early this year. He’s lived his life well and given us good music to listen to should we like to remember him and his works and celebrate his life and legacy doing so.

Schlesinger’s case was way worse because, well, COVID 19. And it’s well...I guess we all saw it coming, me included, that I’d just learned, watching the one of many national English news on ANC that ‘pandemic’ is the word of the year according to Merriam-Webster. Timely, huh? Yep. Predictable, really. Sarcasm noted here.

So if someone ever asks what 2020 was about, we only have to say that according to Merriam-Webster, it’s the global (COVID 19) pandemic. Short, not-so-sweet, succinct, and grim. Yep.

This one, Schlesinger’s case, is something I still find difficult to accept. He was only 52 years old! He was at the prime of his life and had some projects still he was working on at the time of his passing so WHY?! I suppose that’s all of us who followed him and his extensive work on tv, film, the stage and his own band, Fountains of Wayne when we heard news he’s passed away due to COVID 19 complications. It’s definitely me now though I learned of it late. Heh.

To cope with the sadness of losing Schlesinger, gone too soon at 52 years old and with an impressive Hollywood tv, stage, film resume to his name since and his own band’s, Fountains of Wayne (FoW) really good discography, by the way, I’ve been listening to FoW’s Welcome Interstate Managers---all of the contents of said album/record---and That Thing You Do’s OST with the Beach Boys’ Sounds of Summer Best of in between. My favorite song on Welcome Interstate Managers is the sarcastic take on real life as an everyday worker in sales, Bright Future in Sales. As much as I like chill sounds where music goes, I like me some music with lyrics jolting us back to grim reality in much the same way I like films (indies, mostly, or lesser known short and full-length ones) that tackle social issues not frequently discussed in public or so but we are aware are there, still plaguing much of today’s society. I live for cynical, satirical, ironic, and even hyperbolic stuff about real life actually. It may be why I’m so entrenched and attached to the era where we all hated ourselves---the 90s. Although one would say much of that sentiment or feeling did carry itself to the 2000s, though. I don’t know about you, but until now, I still hate or have heavy dislike for myself and everything else around me, especially our gov’t or current admin here in the Philippines, and people in general so I don’t think it ever really goes away. And going off tangent again for the nth time today.

Anyway, my 1996 was That Thing You Do on HBO in our household...on and off along with other 90s films like The Craft, Clueless, Jawbreakers (I think this still plays in Cinemax from time to time) so of course losing Schlesinger also was...rather, is hard. He’s done so much and he was supposed to be working on more and he’s left such a deep mark here for us, avid fans of American pop culture...I suppose, even the casual ones. Aside from his That Thing You Do, I’d also seen Josie and the Pussycats at some point. I don’t remember when, where...though I did watch some episodes of the cartoon on Cartoon Network (CN) so of course, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen the film of it as well. He worked on a track or some tracks there, too. 

2020 sucks. COVID 19 sucks. This global pandemic sucks. But at least there’re films, tv shows, music, stage musical plays turned movies (Jonathan Larson’s Tick, Tick...Boom! is coming to us soon with Andrew Garfield in the lead---I’m wary of Garfield being a forgettable actor since The Amazing Spider Man because Dane Dehaan was what made that for me, to be quite honest so I’m not so sure of him being Jon here and as a self-respecting Larson fan since Rent, I’d rather they casted Neil Patrick Harris/NPH since he was in the London stage for this way back anyway...) to keep us entertained and fine until then. What would it take for ‘rona, and I’m not talking about the American Corona beer here that’s really popular in the west coast, to go away? I, like the rest of you in self isolation or quarantine, tend to think so but I don’t think we’ll have any answer to that until the vaccines are well underway by spring next year. Or at least, that’s what health authorities and scientists tell us anyway. I get reminded of it often in the news and I only tune in to that once in a while now because even that, following that daily, breaks my mental faculties down due to stress and pressure and all and I can’t have that when I still have so much, at the back of my mind, to do.

But anyway, time to conclude this one with one of my favorite The Wonders songs, All My Only Dreams just to end on a good note, better than the last paragraph’s ending at least and to remember Schlesinger as well that we’d lost this year along with plenty others we’d met in passing who’ve also left this world especially due to COVID 19 complications. I know we know a lot of those. For me, it’s a distant relative or family member I’d known since young but don’t have particular fluffy bunny feelings for because of some things that happened between the guy and me growing up in the NCR/Caloocan City to be exact. There’s also my good friend and former co-worker’s only remaining parent, her dad and a few more, I’m sure. So I hope 2021 would be better but I doubt it...very much. It’s still looking pretty dim, grim and bleak from here, where I’m currently standing in 2020.

Before we really end though, COVID 19 is definitely not a hoax. It hasn’t been since the first cases started in Wuhan, China. It’s just, only been getting worse and still continue to claim lives and spread to more people even those at home. So as someone who comes from a household of mostly medical workers or health care workers here, we should really be very careful about and around it. Let’s take the necessary health protocols seriously like wearing a mask out and maybe the face shield too and always keeping the sanitizers, alcohols in our bags among others---hygiene and sanitation, disinfection. It may come off really anal of me and I am not anal (I don’t like people with Type A personalities in the first place, lol...I’m just a very cautious Virgo, really, and a Type X---mix of Type C and D personalities) but seriously, SERIOUSLY, I can’t stress this enough, COVID 19, the virus SARS-COV2, that causes it is real. Very real and once it’s in your system, it can go the fatal, deadly way or just the mild and you’ll recover later anyway way. It’s not picking which people should die next and which should not, really. It’s really just there making a mess of things that are already messy since the beginning. My point being, it’s just better if we don’t spread it or are careful enough not to contract it with following health protocols set by health experts, scientists to help us get by this...pandemic. 

Well here’s to 2020 being over soon and 2021 creeping in on us soon enough. 

P.S.

Billie Armstrong of Greenday upped a cover of That Thing You Do as a tribute to Adam and the youtube live of the Wonders coming together again to pay tribute to and celebrate Adam’s life may still be up on the ‘tube. I have yet to see the latter but enjoyed the former. They are just so...sweet and precious. Ugh. Adam Schlesinger, gone too soon indeed. :(

PPS

Another songwriter/contributor in the TTYD OST passed away last year, too. Rick Elias. Cause of death is brain cancer. I had a friend from college, young and so full of life and dreams, who passed away due to the same thing so I’m kind of aware how this goes. Ugh. Cancer sucks. All of these are just so...sad. Depressing, actually.