#he fully throws some creep who gets too handsy with you

[luvrodite]

au where you’re the lead singer of your band and everyone thinks you and guitarist jason are a thing because of the chemistry you guys have on stage…

[yelena-bellova]

Safe Haven: tfatws!Bucky Barnes  x fem!reader - Chapter Five

chapter four - Chapter Five: Come A Little Closer - chapter six

Series Masterlist

Plot: As the hunt continues for Dr. Nagal and the super serum, Y/n learns the ugly side of being a superhero while also finding herself drawing closer to Bucky.

Warnings: spoilers for episode.3, angst, fluff, language, description of injuries, unwanted touching, blood, character death (minor), anxiety, *cue Start of Something New from High School Musical playing in the background*, idiots in their feelings getting interrupted a lot, dancing Bucky. did I mention feelings?

Word Count: 6.9k

A/N: So this is semi rushed because I didn’t have as much time to work on it as I typically do but hopefully it still holds up. I’m currently in a stupor right now after today’s episode and trying to plan out where the rest of this goes, exciting and nerve wracking lol. 

----

Lay low, blend in, enjoy the party and stay out of trouble. Those were Sharon’s instructions. Not only did she know how to throw a party but the Madripoorians knew how to enjoy themselves. The pomp and circumstance didn’t match New Orleans by a long shot, but they sure as hell threw themselves into it.

Sharon was in charge of asking around to see if anyone had any information on Wilfred Nagal while we were stationed at the bar. After Sharon’s talk, I was nursing a glass of whiskey trying to blur the various scenarios she’d put in my head. Each step we’d taken so far had landed us somewhere more dangerous. Within days we’d gone from an impromptu fight with Super Soldiers to breaking Zemo out of prison to a shootout in the streets of Madripoor. The deeper we got, the higher the risk. I’d never thought of Sam’s job as easy, but I could have never understood how difficult it was until I was doing it with him.

I looked over to Sam, Bucky and Zemo who were doing the exact opposite of what Sharon had told us to do. They couldn’t have looked more out of place. They looked like a bar joke; a superhero, a 100 year old assassin and an escaped Sokovian convict walk into a bar…

“Have any of you ever stepped foot in a club?” I asked, leaned up against the side of the bar. The three of them looked lost, causing me to roll my eyes, “Dance, drink, do something!” 

“Excuse me,” a masculine voice that didn’t belong to anyone in our group said from behind me, I turned and faced his presence, “It’s a crime that someone as beautiful as you hasn’t been out on that dance floor tonight. Care to join me?” Was it a cheesy line? Extremely so. But blending in meant blending in. “Why not?” I downed the last of my whiskey and allowed him to take my hand and lead me into the middle of the action.

The center of the room was packed body to body, filled with people innocent moving to the house music to those grinding against one another in the most sinful of ways. The handsome stranger put his hands on my waist, I placed mine loosely around his neck and we began to dance. There was enough space between us that it wasn’t uncomfortable and I found myself actually enjoying myself. But the longer the song went on, the more the guy’s hands started to wander. It started with a few circles in my hips that I wasn’t a fan of to rubbing up and down my sides, when they trailed around my back and down to my ass was when I wriggled out of his grip. “C’mon sweetheart,” he shouted over the music, “It’s a party, lighten up.” I was fully prepared to tell him exactly what I thought of men like him when a gloved hand grabbed his shoulder roughly, I looked to my side to see the body belonged to Bucky. “You’re done, pal.” The creep was inches shorter than Bucky and couldn’t match his intimidating steely stare. He put up no fight and simply backed away in fear, bumping into a few people on his way out of the main room. Bucky moved in front of me to act as some type of shield in case he was stupid enough to come back, “Are you okay?” “Yeah, I’m fine,” I assured him, “You didn’t have to come over, I can handle myself, y’know.” “I know you’ve got no problem telling people off,” he smirked, “But I couldn’t help myself. That kind of stuff doesn’t set well with me.” “Well, thank you,” I said, “But you’ve made one fatal mistake, Barnes.” His brows knitted together in confusion as I smiled, “You’re out on the dance floor with me.” I watched as he connected the dots, “No, no, no…” “Yes, yes, yes,” I contested, lightly tugging on his non-metal arm as he started to walk away, “You need to blend in and there could be another handsy creep nearby, so consider it a public service.” His 1940’s origins wouldn’t allow him to leave a woman by herself in a potentially uncomfortable situation, this much I knew. With a heavy sigh that I could practically hear over the loud music, he met my eyes. “I don’t know how to dance to this, it doesn’t even sound like music to me.” I rolled my eyes, “If only you had someone to teach you…Give me your hands,” he offered me his flesh one, “Both of them.”

He defeatedly put out his gloved metal hand and I took hold of them both, carefully placing them on my hips. They hesitantly held onto me as if maybe I didn’t want him touching me despite the fact that I initiated it. I watched him to make sure he was okay with me positioning us, his eyes stayed glued to where his fingers rested. Not wanting to make him any more uncomfortable than he already was, I settled my hands on his broad shoulders. Receiving no arguments from him, I continued moving us. We looked too much like middle schoolers in the middle of a gymnasium with all the space between us. I took a step towards him to shorten the distance, still watching him to make sure he was okay with what I was doing.

“Don’t focus on perfect steps,” I called over the noise, “Just try and feel the beat.” I took a step to the side, pulling Bucky along with me clunkily. His eyes were locked on the floor watching our feet as I began to alternate steps to the beat. I placed a finger under his chin and brought his line of vision up to meet mine, “Stop thinking so much.” I picked up the rhythm again and began to sway my hips a little with each movement I made, trying to take my own advice. Bucky looked like he didn’t know what to do, this was so far from any type of dancing he’d ever taken part in. But the more he felt me loosen up, the more his body started to feel less rigid. Where I’d been guiding us, Bucky met me and took the reins and started to move us. The heat I felt from his hands through our mutual layers of fabric sent tingles up my sides. We’d unconsciously moved closer to each other, our chests brushing with each movement. I peeked up at Bucky through my eyelashes under the pretense of making sure he was still comfortable, but I lost myself once I got there. His normally bright blue eyes had darkened significantly as he looked down on me. It felt like a shot of adrenaline straight down my spine while simultaneously making my knees weaken. I dared to slide my hands down from their resting position on his shoulders to his thickened biceps, giving me something to hold onto. It set off a chain reaction of his hands still lightly holding onto my waist to tighten, putting my body fully in his control. He started to guide my hips in figure eights, his heated gaze flicking between the motions and my eyes. With a shockingly little amount of hesitation, I snaked my arms to wrap around his neck pulling us what a few days ago would have been defined as too close. Now as I drowned in his blackened, dilated orbs and felt each breath he took against me, it didn’t feel nearly close enough. I found myself craving as much of him as I could get. Something had taken over both of us and I didn’t want it to loosen its hold.

“Hey,” Sharon’s voice flooded my ear from behind, “I found our guy, let’s go.” As soon as I felt her leave to go fetch the others, Bucky and I ceased our movements. Our chests pressed into one another as we panted, his pouty lips parted with each breath he drew. I swallowed harshly as I struggled not to notice how tempting they looked, trying to focus on anything else. The shine of a light layer of sweat down his neck, the sharpness of the jawline I suspected I could cut myself on, the scent of his cologne enveloping me, the pressure of his thumbs pressed into my hipbones, the way his dilated pupils sent a wave of heat through me…Bucky was all I could see or feel and I didn’t want it to end.

“W-we should…We should go,” I stumbled over myself, still unable to look away.

“Yeah,” he answered, breaking our stare only for a second to look down at my lips. I had to force myself to unwrap my arms from his neck, he immediately followed and let go of my waist. I wanted to grab his long, slender fingers and slide them back in place, but stopped the urge in its tracks. Now was the time to get to work, no matter how inconvenient of a time it had come at.

——

In the early hours of the morning, after Sharon had gotten everyone out of her gallery, we departed for the shipping yard Nagal was supposedly at. Awkward wasn’t a strong enough word to describe how Bucky and I were acting around each other. We’d barely said two words to one another, averting our eyes anytime they met. Something had happened out on that dance floor and we were both determined to ignore it.

“Madripoor could give New York a run for its money,” Sam commented as we walked between shipping containers.

“They know how to party,” Zemo responded, he’d spent plenty of his evening out on the dance floor demonstrating his off-beat moves.

“With that bounty on your head, the longer you’re in Madripoor, the less likely you’re ever leaving,” Sharon said as she guided us, using the coordinates she had on her phone. I followed her, relieved to have a little extra feminine energy around. “All right,” she stopped in front of a unit, “He’s in there. Container four-two-six-one. I’ll keep an eye out while you guys talk to Nagal but hurry, we’re on borrowed time.” We each took an earpiece she offered.

“I’m coming with you,” I said, immediately turning on my heel to block my brother’s argument, “I’m of better use out here if there are any problems. Let me do my job, Sam.” 

He took a deep breath and blinked, silently conceding to me. “Just stay safe,” he urged.

Inevitably, I met Bucky’s eyes that were already trained on me. He didn’t need to voice any of his concerns, they were all etched on his face. “I’ll be fine,” I said, trying to reassure both men that I could handle myself. I broke from the group to head off with Sharon, falling in step with her. 

“Hey, Sharon, you sure this is the right one? It’s completely empty,” Sam’s voice came through our comms. “Positive, it has to be,” she answered as we hurried through the yard, “How good are you and those hands in combat?” “Energy blasts, force fields, levitation,” we turned a corner and ducked behind a container, “Tell me what you need.” She threw a hand out to stop me from going any further, pressing a finger to her lips after. She peeked out from behind the unit and quickly hid again, “Guys, we’ve got company.” “What do we do?” I whispered.

Sharon raised the hood of one of her jackets and looked around us, spotting and grabbing a small metal pipe. “We buy them some time.” I nodded firmly, creating a ball of energy with my hands and waiting for her signal. When she darted out, I followed and we stealthily snuck up on the three bounty hunters nearby. Sharon began brutally attacking them with the pipe while I focused on throwing a blast at one of them, he fell to the ground unconscious. The two that Sharon had been taking on kept getting up after her beatings, I levitated one of them and threw him against a container.

“Every bounty hunter in the city is here, we gotta go!” she said into the comms, turning to me after, “Watch yourself, these people fight dirty.” As soon as the words had left her lips, another hunter appeared. He came towards us with  large knife, trying to tackle Sharon and forgoing me. I used my energy to shove him backwards, giving Sharon time to form a plan of attack. She ran towards him as he rose and twisted his arm, body slamming him to the ground and wrenching the knife out of his hand. She didn’t waste time in stabbing him in the back, quickly throwing the bloodied knife at another approaching hunter who was now trying to pull the weapon out of his forearm. Sharon kicked him into a container just as burly arms wrapped around me, pinning my arms at my sides. I kicked and flailed as he lifted me off the ground before moving to slam me facedown, I created a force field just in time and the two of us bounced off it and landed on his back. The second his grip loosened, I levitated out of it and landed on top of one of the shipping units. With an outstretched palm, I raised the wriggling man to my level and threw him across the ship yard. Below me, Sharon had a struggling hunter trapped between her legs and was choking him. I watched the man wheeze as he desperately tried to get her off of him and regain air. When his flailing began to cease, I was unable to watch the life drain from him and turned away.

A bullet flew past my head and I dropped to my belly, spotting a bounty hunter below firing a machine gun aimed where I’d been standing. When Sharon jumped out and kicked him in the back, his attention turned to her and he slammed her back against a shipping container. She pulled the barrel of his gun up and he fired a round in the sky as she held him off. She grabbed a knife stuck out of the waist of his pants and stabbed him, using his body as a shield as another hunter fired at her. I created a force field around her, allowing her to get safely behind a container to plan her next move. Pulling out the knife again, she nodded at me and dropped the corpse as I dropped my energy. She stabbed the guy lurking around the corner of the container before firing a fatal shot. I watched one last hunter come around to where she had just been standing, waiting for her to come around. I raised him in the air and flicked my fingers towards him, the gun dropping from his hands before I slammed him into another unit. After sweeping the area to make sure nobody was left, I floated down to where Sharon stood trying to catch her breath.

“We gotta go,” she panted as we ran back in the direction of the shipping container that held Nagal.

We weaved through the unit quickly, landing in the doctor’s hidden lab. “Guys, we’re seriously outta time here,” Sharon announced.

The sudden sound of a gunshot made us all jump, Sam and Sharon running to apprehend Zemo who had just fatally wounded Nagal. “What did you do?” Sharon trembled.

Bucky reached out to grab my arm and pulled me behind him, shielding me from any further attack. Just as my hand had nervously sought out his forearm, a sudden explosion threw us backwards. We harshly hit the floor, a symphony of groans escaping us all. Bucky and I had gotten separated as we’d flown and I blindly reached around for him, for Sam, anybody. “Anybody see Zemo?” Sam’s voice came through my ear.

I rose to my knees and started pushing myself up, my body screaming at me to stop. Bucky raised me up the rest of the way before pulling Sam and Sharon to their feet as well. We’d barely gotten our footing when a second explosion hit, this time from the chemicals in the lab rather than an attack. Luckily, we had gotten out before we’d been injured further. I stood behind Sharon, my head on a swivel trying to find the culprits of the ambush. “All right!” Bucky yelled, “Wait for my signal!” He hadn’t even finished speaking when Sam started shooting towards a pack of bounty hunters and taking off on his own. “Damn it!” Bucky came out from around the corner of the smoking unit and started firing at the men while Sharon and I ran around to the back where Sam was. “Can you create a force field?” Sharon shouted at me over the gunfire. “If I do, whatever bullets we fire will stay in it with us,” I shouted back at her, ducking below the barricade we now had for ourselves and next to Sam. The three of us crouched down and I began shooting out balls of energy towards each incoming bullet, deflecting each one away from us.

“And you like living here?” Sam yelled at Sharon.

“It’s not terrible!” she replied, popping up and down behind the fallen piece of metal giving us protection.

Bucky came down from his position to join us, “I thought we were gonna go left!” “You went the wrong way!” Sam stopped firing to berate him. “I was clearing the way!” Bucky argued. “Really? Right now?” I yelled.

“I came out first, you were supposed to follow me!” “And where are we now?!” “Guys, not the time!” Sharon attempted to quell their petty argument, dropping behind the barricade when her gun was out of bullets. I tuned the fighting out as I worked on redirecting the bullets. The blue energy streamed from my hands, my reflexes quick and my mind never more focused. One hunter loaded his machine gun and aimed it at me, as soon as the ammo started flying I used my energy to shove them back his way before levitating him and slamming him into a shipping unit. It was only for the split second he was suspended in the air after the hit that I caught the sight of the bullets lodged in his chest and his head cracked open from the power of my hit. He limply fell to the ground, his eyes still open yet cold and hollow.

I had killed a man.

The shock took over my body and I quickly absorbed the energy back into my body immediately. I stood there unprotected as I stared at his corpse, ripe with life a moment ago and now devoid of anything. If it hadn’t been for Sam shoving me down behind our barricade, I would have stupidly continued to leave myself exposed in horror of what I’d just done. 

Another explosion kept us down, we hesitantly peeked over the shards of metal to see a fight breaking out. While the mask was new, I knew the coat belonged to Zemo, who was now taking out bounty hunters left and right. Through the flames I could see him shove, flip, shoot and punch. He looked back at us as if to signal that he’d cleared the way to escape. The four of us took the chance and made our way out of the wreckage, sprinting through the maze of shipping containers. 

“Buck!” Sam yelled, opening the nearest unit’s door and using it as a shield while Sharon and I leapt in, avoiding the gunfire. He pulled Bucky in shortly after and closed the door, the attacker having been dealt with.

The container was dark, the only light seeping in from a few cracks in the corners. When a hand grabbed my arm, I shrieked in terror and readied my energy “Hey, hey, it’s just me,” Sam hurriedly announced his presence, “Are you okay?” Was I okay? I had just ended someone’s life, I was the furthest thing from okay. But to reassure him that physically I was fine, I hummed my answer, there were too many words swirling in my brain to say anything more.

We waited a few more minutes until there was no noise and nobody had come for us. Bucky used his super strength to punch the metal doors open, the sound of screeching tires greeting us as a vintage model drove up in front of us.

“Supercharged,” Zemo smiled from the driver’s seat.

“You’re going back to jail,” Sam said.

Zemo sighed, exhausted with Sam’s fixation on placing him back where he belonged, “Do you want to find Karli or not?”

“He’s right, we need him,” Bucky opened the passenger’s side door and climbed into the vehicle, “And there’s two of us and at least twenty of them. Come on.” “Wait, when did it become twenty?” I asked, not yet approaching the car.

“We’ll fill you in on the way,” Bucky answered. “Fine,” Sam begrudgingly agreed, “But if you try that shit again-“ “I wouldn’t dream of it,” Zemo said, somewhat unconvincingly but beggars couldn’t be choosers when it came to help and we were beggars. “Well, that was one hell of a reunion,” Sharon shut the door to Sam’s side.

“Come back to the States with us,” Sam offered.

“I told you, I can’t,” Sharon declined, the sadness I sensed in her making a flash of an appearance, “Just get me that pardon you promised me and,” she turned to smile at me, “Keep her alive, I like her.” I put a hand on her shoulder, still a little breathless from the fight. “You do the same.” 

With that, Sharon walked off into the ship yard while Sam said a quick thanks. I walked around to the other side of the car, ignoring Sam and Bucky’s back and forth as I climbed in and sunk into the seat. Even though we were safe from immediate danger, my heart was still racing and I could feel its beat pounding in my ears. I shut my eyes and held my head in my hand as we drove off, the image of the bullet stricken bounty hunter laying motionless on the ground at the forefront of my mind.

——

On the plane, everybody had retired to their separate corners and tasks. Zemo was fixing food in the kitchenette, Sam was on the phone with Torres, Bucky was cleaning his vibranium hand and I was curled up in one of the chairs with unshed tears flooding my eyes. I had never ever wanted to hurt anybody with my powers and in the heat of battle, I had used them to murder someone. I had taken a life and there was no coming back from that. Some innocent part of me that had remained through the trauma I’d seen in my life had been stripped away and I wasn’t going to have it returned. The moment played and played and played in my head, I didn’t think I would ever forget the sight…

I had been blocking out Sam and Bucky’s conversation until I heard the shield come up, or as they were referring to it, the hunk of metal.

“Maybe I made a mistake,” Sam said. “You did,” Bucky immediately agreed.

“Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t have put it in a museum. Maybe I should’ve destroyed it.”

Bucky paused before answering, “Look, that shield represents a lotta things to a lotta people, including me. The world is upside down, and we need a new Cap, and it ain’t gonna be Walker. So before you destroy it, I’m gonna take it from him myself.” The tears I was trying so hard to withhold unavoidably fell to my cheeks, I was overwhelmed. Anxiety began to fill my body as the day’s events flashed across the inside of my eyelids. It was too much. Too much.

“Y/n,” Sam’s voice across the aisle punctured the bubble of my mind, “You okay?”

“I don’t care,” I whispered, my palm digging into my forehead. “What?” 

“I don’t care,” I exclaimed, leaping out of my seat and turning to face Bucky and Sam, “About the shield, about Walker, about whatever happened on that phone call, about anything. I killed someone today, I actually ended somebody’s life and now we’re just sitting around like nothing happened. I don’t understand how you guys can be so relaxed about any of this when a few hours ago, we were landing bullets in people’s chests!” 

Sam and Bucky, to their credit, were silent as I blew up on them. When I’d finished with more tears down my face than I’d started with and a strained voice, I hurriedly made my way down the aisle and to the bathroom, locking myself in and the world out. My back slid against the nearest wall and my body sank to the floor, I finally allowed myself to sob my sorrow out.

——

Sam and Bucky sat in stunned silence after Y/n had left, only daring to consider speaking when they heard her muffled cries from the jet’s bathroom. Sam’s phone rang, it was Torres calling with information about Donya Madani most likely. He looked over to Bucky, “Someone’s gotta talk to her,” he stated, care and concern laced in his tone, “You and I both know what it feels like to make that first kill.”

Bucky sighed loudly, he knew exactly what Y/n was feeling and wanted to help her, but he wasn’t sure how he could do that. He could barely make it through a therapy session without feeling like he wanted to jump out the window, especially when Raynor started bringing up his dark past. But on the other side of the door was a woman he cared about for reasons he didn’t fully understand and she was hurting, and that was enough motivation for him to get up from his seat and rise to the occasion.

He raised his fist to knock, hovering over the door for a second before he made contact with it. “Hey,” he said, his voice raised so she could hear him, “You wanna let me in?” The silence that followed let him know that wasn’t going to happen.

With his concern growing, he grasped the metal door knob with his metal hand and twisted it till the lock broke and the knob detached. Zemo could take it up with him later, all Bucky could focus on in that moment was Y/n and the river of tears flowing steadily down her face stemming from her puffy, bloodshot eyes. 

——

I took my hands off my eyes when I heard the creaking of metal, looking up to see Bucky holding the now broken doorknob in his hand and watching him discard it on the floor. He entered the room slowly, approaching me with just as much caution and shutting the door as much as he could. The bathroom was small but he still managed to find enough room to slide down next to me, our bodies packed tightly against one another.

We rested in the heavy silence for a moment before Bucky spoke up. “I get it.” When I didn’t respond, he continued. “But he was gonna kill you and if it were my choice, I’d have saved you too.” “Yeah, I know, it was self defense but, Bucky,” I paused to look at him through my tears that were holding firm, “I still killed someone. Bad guy, good guy, it doesn’t matter. He was somebody’s son o-or husband.” “He was a low life, Y/n, and you probably saved a lot more people than you think,” Bucky said, beginning to fiddle with his thumbs like I’d watched him do frequently. “Stop trying to make me feel better about this,” I muttered, sniffling and wiping the wetter side of my face, “You were trained for this kind of thing, you volunteered for the war and knew you’d have to make these kinda calls. I promised myself a long time ago that if I ever revealed my powers, I would only use them for good. Because that’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. But after today…” I trailed off and looked down at my lap, resting my forehead against my knees, “I don’t know how to look myself in the mirror.”

The only sound filling the room was the sounds of my trembling breaths and Bucky’s steady ones. I knew he was only trying to help, but I wasn’t sure if there was anything he could say to make me feel better. “You helped save our asses today,” Bucky eventually said, his rough voice low in his chest, “If you don’t want to think about having saved your own life, think about protecting me and Sharon and Sam. Today could’ve gone south real quick and part of the reason it didn’t is because of you. This kind of stuff…it’s not easy. But it gets a little easier knowing that you’re doing the hard stuff to save good people.” I leaned back as he spoke and rested my head against the wall, watching his lips move and try to ease my conscious.  It didn’t help, but it didn’t not help. When joining Sam, I hadn’t thought about the possibility that I would have to make split second calls like the ones I made today. My naivety was my own fault. I knew that the person I’d killed today would have slaughtered  any one of us without a second thought and Bucky was right, I probably saved one of us from dying by deflecting the bullets. The deed would weigh heavily on my mind for a long time, but maybe listening to Bucky was the first step in making peace with it.

I wiped underneath my eyes until they were as dry as they could get, “Thanks, for trying at least.” Bucky sadly smiled, watching me collect myself with a deep breath and a sniffle. “Are you okay?” I asked, hoping I wasn’t crossing any lines but needing an answer, “After the whole scene in the bar?” His demeanor changed quickly, his softened features hardening and his body going stiff once again. He cleared his throat awkwardly and mumbled an ‘I’m fine’ before rising to his feet. I stood up fast enough for the blood to rush to my head but couldn’t find it in me to care. “Bucky,” I said, reaching out to wrap a hand around his vibranium wrist, “Stop.” He listened and robotically turned to face me without actually looking at me. I knew that I could never come close to understanding how traumatic acting as his past alter ego could have been, but I was determined not to let him stew in his feelings longer than necessary. Words may not have been enough in the moment, but any other option was just as risky. Maybe a little risk was what the situation called for. 

I let go of his wrist, my hands awkwardly held in the space between our chests before I surged forward to capture him in a hug. His body only tensed further as I pressed myself against him, his hands at his sides unknowing of what to do. No matter how bad I sensed it was going, I continued nonetheless. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered, my face close enough to his ear for it to create goosebumps on his neck. 

Internally I told myself to let go, I was probably making him feel wildly uncomfortable. The second I loosened my grip, his flesh arm shot out and wrapped around my waist. With a small smile, I sunk back into the embrace and let myself be enveloped by Bucky once again. His scent invaded me, a mixture of the sweat of battle and whatever cologne had remained on his body from earlier. The attractive scruff he wore brushed the side of my face, sending electric sensations through me. The arm that firmly held him to me made me feel protected, it was the first time on our journey that I’d felt well and truly safe. Bucky shifted so that his cheek was now against the back of my head, pressed into my hair. The act struck a different type of feeling in me than when we’d danced, it didn’t hold the intensity and heat. This was warm and pure, like light itself. Surrounded by him and feeling his warmth radiating through me, I was convinced that I was experiencing a glimpse of heaven.

I couldn’t tell who broke apart first but Bucky’s arm wasn’t yet ready to leave my waist. My hands lost their place around his neck and were forced to slide down to his firm chest. I looked down at their placement, trying not to think too much about what lay underneath.

“You’re not nearly as bad as you think you are,” Bucky said quietly, sparing me a small smirk.

“Neither are you,” I smiled, soaking in the rare softness that we’d been given and wondering why my pulse quickened the second our eyes met. 

A sudden knock on the door startled both of us. “Hey, Torres got intel on Madani, you guys gotta hear it.” Sam’s voice carried through.

Bucky and I instantly separated at the sound of my brother’s voice, him awkwardly putting his hands on his hips and me shoving mine in the pockets of my jacket. Whatever feeling had been in the air dissolved at the remembrance that there were so many other important matters on the other side of the door demanding our attention. Bucky pushed the slightly ajar door open and moved aside to let me out first. 

“What’d you get from Torres?” I asked, pausing outside the bathroom and leaning against the wall. I could feel the heat radiating off Bucky’s body as he stood behind me.

“Madani died yesterday,” Sam answered, reclined in his seat looking stressed, “In Riga, a city near the Baltic Sea. Zemo,” he gestured to the Baron, lounging in his seat, “He’s got a place for us to stay there.”

“Latvia,” I sighed, looking over my shoulder to glance at Bucky, “Here we come.”

——

A few short hours later, the plane’s cabin lights were dimmed and each piece of the foursome was asleep in their seats, except for one.

Bucky sat awake, switching between staring at the ceiling and Y/n’s sleeping form. She had curled up in the chair across from him and went to sleep surprisingly fast. He envied her, his thoughts were going to keep him up all night.

Once he’d gotten both feet on the ground after the Blip, losing Steve and starting his new life on his own, Bucky had recognized that he didn’t want to be alone. He still had the same dream as he had in the ’40’s; to meet a nice girl, settle down and raise some kids. Now in modern times, everything was so much more complicated than it had been then. He’d tried online dating, failing miserably and finding the whole process unnatural. He had humored Yori and gone on a date with Leah, a waitress at their favorite sushi place, the conversation turning too dark for him to handle. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to meet the mythical One when every avenue left him confused or overwhelmed by the dirty deeds of his past.

Until she came along.

Y/n came into his life unapologetically and in the last minute he would have ever thought he’d meet someone. She had dazzled him from the start, despite his initial annoyance, and had kept him on his toes since their first meeting in the hanger. She held the same level of strength when she was telling him off in the therapy session as she had revealing her broken past. She was the only person in a long time that had been able to make him smile, genuinely smile. Not the kind his therapist told him to flash during his three step process for making amends. Bucky was jaded and cynical about the world around him, but she brought him something that looked a whole lot like happiness. But the biggest and loudest quality of hers was that she cared. She cared for everyone around her, even those that didn’t deserve it. He’d been nothing but snarky to her on their first day together and she’d still rushed to save him when she’d heard he was in trouble. She was making sure that he was alright every chance possible, not because she thought he would slip back into his old programming, but because she simply didn’t want him to suffer. All of it led up to the moment in the bathroom where she had pointed out that he had volunteered for WW2. To anyone else it wouldn’t have mattered why she chose that example, but it was everything to Bucky.

She had chosen to bring up his history as a soldier, not the soldier.

That was the moment where Bucky realized he was falling for her. It finally made sense to him why when he’d held her on the dance floor his skin felt like it was on fire, why he hadn’t wanted to let her go, why her safety had become one of his top priorities. Rather than have something to fight, he now had something to protect.

But Bucky couldn’t forget to fear in her eyes when he’d sought them out in the Madripoor bar. When he had his metal hand wrapped around the neck of the Winter Soldier’s latest “victim.” He didn’t blame her, she’d be insane not to be afraid of him. Yet she was still there for him, trying to help him through his trauma that she was knowledgable on. The thought both hurt and warmed his heart. 

As he watched her sleep, light snores coming from her lips every once in a while and her feet tucked so tightly below her legs he didn’t see how she could be comfortable, he smiled. Even unconscious she could make him smile. Y/n was a new sensation he was still getting used to but damn it all, he loved it and wished they had met under different circumstances. He could have asked her to dinner, brought her flowers, strolled through the city with her…Bucky finally felt relaxed enough to shut his eyes, drifting away and dreaming of the woman who had wormed her way into his heart.

—— We touched down in Riga in the early morning and headed for Zemo’s hideout he had in the city. Even if we were here under unfortunate circumstances, I still tried to take in as much of the city as I could. When was the next time a girl from NOLA was going to have to opportunity to be in Latvia? The four of us strolled down the sidewalk, Zemo talking more to Sam about the remnants of Sokovia than Bucky and I. We hadn’t spoken much since our conversation in the bathroom but he had made an effort to ask me if I was okay after I’d woken up. I wasn’t sure what I was but I knew that when Bucky was around, I felt a little better. 

“I’m gonna go for a walk,” he announced as we approached the stoop of Zemo’s place.

“You good?” Sam asked, only seconds before I could get the same words out.

“Yeah,” Bucky nodded, already backing away from the group, “I’ll see you guys in a bit.”

I watched him walk back down the sidewalk, fighting the overwhelming urge to follow him and wondering if there was something to it. He may have been a super soldier, but I could still protect him. If there was anything I’d learned about Bucky in the short time I’d known him was that he didn’t have any qualms about running headfirst into a fight. Bucky was also a terrible liar. Those facts were what made me worry the further I watched him head down the road.

When had this happened? When did this man I’d know only a few days become someone I cared so deeply about? Why were all my thoughts beginning to orbit around Bucky? Since the first time we’d actually sat and talked, when I’d opened up to him about my powers and my father, I’d felt something for him. Something that had only started to increase the more time we spent around each other. On the dance floor in Madripoor had been another significant incident, one that had been harder to recover from without acknowledging that there had been some sort of spark. The moment I realized I wanted as much of Bucky as I could get was in the bathroom the night before, when he’d held me in his arms until he was forced to let go. When he’d felt like an oasis in the middle of the nightmare we were in. For all his faults and demons, the man he was rang louder than anything else and had captured my heart in a matter of days.

Shit.

I had fallen for Bucky Barnes without even realizing it.

“Y/n,” Sam interrupted my thoughts, “You coming?”

His beckoning couldn’t have come at a worse moment, as I’d just broken through the barriers my mind had built. “Yeah,” I mumbled, forcing myself to turn away from keeping a watchful eye of Bucky’s departing figure. As it had been with any moment regarding the Super Soldier and I, the world always found a way to remind us there were more important matters at hand.

----

A/N: OH, we’re really in it now...Hope everybody enjoyed, feel free to let me know what you thought or if you’d like to be tagged! 

Safe Haven taglist: @tanyaherondale​ @wanniiieeee​ @asoftie4bucky​ @edencherries​ @i-reblog-fics-i-like​ @ttalisa​ @gcfty @withyoutilltheendofthismess​ @rinaispunk​ @weirdowithnobeardo​ @felicityofbakerstreet​ @godlypotterwhodiaries @eternalharry​ @voguesir​ @mizz-kraziii​ @okayline​ @smellmymisunderstoodfluff @wanderin-stories​ @nicklet94 @intricate-melody​ @aesthethickks​ @stumbleonmywords​ @simplybarnes​ @21bruhs​ @lostinwonderland314​ @superbookishhufflepuff​ @kaelyn-lobrutto24​ @zozebo​ @fandomxreaders @kittengirl998​ @sarai-ibn-la-ahad​ @i-know-i-can​ @x-judyjude-x​

[plus-size-reader]

Robbing the Cradle

Dean Winchester x Plus size!reader

Word Count: 1932 words

Warnings: none 

Summary: Dean falls in love with a younger reader, and really struggles with it.

——————————————————————————————————

Dean had put up a huge fight when it came to you, at least at first. 

He didn’t want to be in love with you, and he didn’t want to admit how happy you made him. He didn’t want to but clearly that didn’t change the fact that he had fallen so deeply in love with you that he couldn’t dig himself out.

You were nothing more than a child, at least as far as he was concerned. You were only twenty-two years old, practically still in pampers and he felt weird about it.

After all, why didn’t you want to be with a man your own age? Didn’t you want to have a normal relationship? Why would you want to be with someone like him when someone better was right around the corner. 

Dean wasn’t the most thoughtful, or well adjusted man in the world, and that wasn’t a secret. 

He knew that there was someone who could be better for you.

Still, you showed no interest in anyone other than him. It shocked the man to his core, that you never once talked about what you were missing out on, or wanting to do anything other than what you were doing. 

He just didn’t get it.

From Dean’s point of view, you should have been desperate to get out and experience life but who better to show it to you than Dean? That was the only thing that you ever said when he brought it up. 

You just didn’t understand how he could ever worry about something like that. After all, how many guys your age were going state-to-state, hunting monsters and saving lives?

Dean Winchester was one in a million...whether he chose to believe it or not.

Take today for example, you had tagged along with Sam and Dean to track down a poltergeist that was committing a series of gory murders in a small town. 

It had been a ridiculously stressful hunt, and it could have been dangerous but you had never felt more alive. You were obsessed with the thrill of the hunt. In fact, there was only one thing you liked more.

...And that was drinking. 

You had learned early on that going to the bar with the guys after a hard case was the best way to unwind. There was honestly nothing like it and you had never passed up a chance to go after everything was over. 

Which was good, considering the fact that Dean also really liked to hit the bar when he was stressed. 

...But he wasn’t the only one. 

There were a ton of guys with really hard lives and things they’re running from. Everyone had things they were trying to forget and liquor just aided in that journey. 

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the only thing liquor did. 

It also made some men lose their tact, which with a beautiful woman around, was never good. It was a bad combo and Dean was really figuring that out tonight. 

“What’s wrong Dean?” you wondered, in a sing-song tone, even going so far as to throw your arm over his shoulder casually. 

The action was a little goofy with the slight drinking you’d been doing but you were in no way drunk. 

You had just been trying to get him to play pool for an hour now and tonight he was practically a bump on a log. 

...It was no fun at all. 

Especially not considering how much fun Dean was when he was in a good mood. You just missed it tonight, and you had no idea what was on his mind.

  “Nothing’s wrong, just got a lot on my mind” he tried, but you knew better. 

He may have been older than you but sometimes his pouting made you doubt it. You and Dean had been together for too long for that to work. 

The two of you had nearly died today and all he could think about was the hunt. It was kind of unbelievable. 

However, you were missing the biggest part of this whole thing. You had no idea but you and Dean weren’t alone in your casual affection. At some point, you had caught the attention of a group of strangers. 

...But you hadn’t noticed yet. 

You thought that there was something wrong with you, or that he was bored of your company. 

“Please Dean? Can’t we just play? I wanna have a good time and forget about the monsters” you begged, your voice nothing more than a purr in his ear. You were desperate for a little fun, especially after such a long and stressful day.

Though, you still didn’t know that across the bar stood that group of younger guys, not much older than you are. 

They’d had their eyes on you since you two walked in, and it was really starting to bother Dean.

He couldn’t stand it. 

Dean had been around the block before, and he had been that sort of guy. He knew that they were talking about him, and that they were weighing their options about what their chances were with you. 

They thought that he had robbed the cradle, and they were planning on taking you away from him...and why wouldn’t you go?  They were young, and built and they could offer you the world.  

How was he supposed to compete with that?

“I’m not really in the mood tonight, why don’t you play without me?” he suggested, waving over to the table begrudgingly. He felt bad about it but he just couldn’t fake it tonight. 

These were the sorts of things that really got to him about the age gap that you two had. Other people constantly had their eyes on you, as if you didn’t know what you were missing out on. 

Though, you both knew that wasn’t the case. 

As far as you were concerned, you weren’t missing out on anything, and Dean didn’t ever get that far. He was fully in love with you, and as long as you wanted to be with him, he would take it. 

...But not tonight. 

Tonight, he just needed to sit by himself and stew over everything that was bothering him. 

It was the way the Winchester men dealt with things, and there was nothing he could do to change that. 

You nodded, taking the hint and heading over to the table. Luckily, you were able to reach out to a few people at the pool table and join their game. They were nice, but you found it really hard to take the distraction. 

You were just worried about Dean. 

So worried, in fact, that you completely missed the one brave guy out of the pack who approached you. He had just chugged an entire beer can, and he was feeling on top of the world.

Clearly, that had led him to believe that you wanted anything to do with him. Even if you were putting out every single signal telling him that wasn’t the case.

As far as you were concerned, it didn’t matter if this guy was David Beckham or the queen of England. 

The last thing you wanted right now was for some average Joe to bother you. 

Not that your very clear body language kept him from coming. 

Before you could say or do anything about it, his arm was slung around your shoulder, a clumsy stumble following. He wasn’t smooth by any means, but weren’t too worried about it.

You were a literal monster hunter. You could handle a handsy frat boy that was too far out of his depth. 

Both you and Dean had handled worse. 

“Can I help you?” you wondered, a heavy sigh leaving your lips as you shrugged him off, not even bothering to drop your pool cue. You didn’t imagine this would take too much time at all.

The Bozo to your right only laughed, smiling at you with a lopsided grin. “I was thinking more along the lines of how I could help you” he suggested, the words leaving his throat in a sick tone.

It made you want to be ill. 

This guy was a creep and you knew for a fact that he had nothing to offer you. Though, before you could inform him of that simple fact, an all too familiar hand fell down on his shoulder. 

...Because as it would turn out, Dean couldn’t just sit by and watch.

He knew that you could handle it, but he couldn’t help himself. As much as he tried to stay out of it, it made his blood boil to watch someone paw at you like that. 

It wasn’t in his nature. 

“Is there a problem man?” the younger guy wondered, looking at Dean as if he’d committed some sort of serious offense. If only he knew what he was getting himself into.

You could tell that Dean was doing his best to keep calm, which was good. However, you couldn’t be sure how long that patience would last. 

If you knew anything, it wouldn’t be long at all.

Dean Winchester was a lot of things, but patient wasn’t one of them. 

“No, there’s no problem at all...except for the fact that you’ve got your hands on my girl” he started, his jaw tensed slightly as he addressed the frat boy by your side. 

He seemed just as upset as you could have expected, though he was doing a pretty good job of keeping it hidden. 

“Wait, hold up, this is your girl? Is that what you’re telling me?” the stranger laughed, looking between the two of you with a grin on his face. 

...Obviously that was the funniest thing he’d ever heard, but you didn’t get it.

There was nothing funny about it and as soon as he said it, you found yourself getting angry. Not only was this guy a creep, but he was also gonna question a man like Dean? 

He must have been an idiot. 

However, before you could step up and make that point, Dean stopped you with a calm glance. 

You hadn’t been prepared for that reaction, but Dean had. From the moment that you two started doing this whole thing, he had been waiting for these kinds of reactions. 

A guy like him had no business being with a woman like you, and he knew that. 

“Look man, I get it...but yes, this is my girlfriend and I’d appreciate it if you backed off” he suggested, knowing it wouldn’t go down that easily. Though, he wanted to give this kid a chance. 

After all, he was just a young guy trying to have a good time and Dean understood that, not that he was going to let this whole thing slide if he kept it up. 

...And of course he kept it up. 

“Oh yeah? You’d appreciate it?” he scoffed, glancing down at you. “Can you believe this guy, honey?” he just kept going, laughing. 

You could have killed him. 

There was only one thing that you knew in this moment, and that was that this wasn’t going to end well.

*Bonus* 

“Are you alright baby?” Dean checked, smiling at you in a tired sort of way. It had been a long day, but you nodded, anyway. 

“I’m fine, are you okay though?” you hummed, returning the favor. He seemed alright, but the bruise blooming on his cheek proved potentially different. 

That jerk had got one lick in before Dean knocked him out. 

Little did you know, but in that moment, Dean had actually never been better.

[writertitan]

Birthday Boy

pairing: eren x f!reader

word count: 3520

themes: happy birthday eren!!, mature content, birthday sex, mature readers only, explicit content please dni if you are not of age

The turnout for Eren’s birthday party is insane, which is only sort of a surprise. His closest friends had graciously all chipped in to rent a cabin for the party when you had suggested it, and now you wonder who’s regretting it. Leave it to Connie and Jean to big-mouth the party details to anyone who asked even though 1) nobody else had been invited and 2) the newcomers hadn’t chipped in. You also wonder if those two will live to see another day, judging from the death glares Mikasa’s been giving them all night. 

The birthday boy himself is having a blast, a little drunk, maybe a little high, and is currently, in his words, “fucking dominating” Jean at beer pong, even though you’re pretty sure Eren’s losing. The shot you took with him before the game started is slowly sinking into your blood, and you feel languid and a little dizzy as you watch the two of them. 

When it’s Jean's turn to throw, you rest your chin on Eren’s shoulder and gaze up at him, smiling at the taunting look he’s throwing at Jean. 

“Hurry up, dude. By the time you toss the ball, it’s gonna be my birthday again,” Eren jabs, an arm snaking around your middle, and Jean’s scoff is audible even above the loud music. 

“Patience is a virtue, you fucking senior citizen, and it’s gonna help me kick your ass at beer pong,” Jean retorts, but he ends up groaning in frustration when the ball hits the rim of a cup and bounces away. 

Eren laughs loudly, ignores Jean’s middle finger, and then kisses the top of your head before he saunters away to retrieve the ping pong ball. 

When he comes back, his arm wraps around you again to pull you close, and his face contorts into a concentrated expression as he aims the ball. 

“Watch how it’s done, Jean boy,” he says, before tossing the ball a little too high to the point where it flies past Jean’s head. Eren’s unbothered by it, only muttering a not-very-heartfelt, “Oops,” before laughing once again at Jean’s expense as he runs off to find the ball. 

At this point, you’re getting a little handsy with Eren. You’re playing with the hem of his shirt and leaving small kisses on his shoulder, and he’s finally taking notice. 

“You’re very distracting,” Eren tells you, pulling you closer so he can steal a kiss from you. “Gonna make me lose.” 

“So what?” you murmur against his lips, giggling when you feel them curve up into a smirk. 

“I play to win, remember?” he teases, and now it’s Eren’s hands playing with the hem of your shirt. 

“If you forfeit right now, I’ll make it worth your while,” you offer, a little smirk of your own playing on your lips. “I’ll make sure you feel like a real winner, birthday boy.” 

Eren’s grin is wide and nothing short of troublemaking as he pulls away from you once Jean comes back with the ball. 

“I’m not gonna play with you anymore if you keep throwing the ball like that, dude!” he complains to Eren, and Eren’s response is to tap the table as surrender and shrug his shoulders. 

“You suck anyway, find someone else who matches how bad you are,” Eren says, and then turns to you with a glint in his eye. He leans in so only you can hear, hands at your hips. “Let’s go somewhere else. Just wanna be with you for a little bit.” 

That’s all you need to hear. 

“Come here,” you say, grabbing one of his hands to lead him away from a very upset Jean, away from the hoards of people, eventually guiding him upstairs into the room the two of you had already claimed as your own. The whole time, Eren’s mouth is somewhere on you, whether it’s your neck, your cheeks, your nose, or any other available patch of skin he manages to find. It’s just him teasing you, being playful, but as soon as the door closes behind the two of you, Eren gets a little more intense. 

He locks the door and turns back to you with that mischievous look in his eyes that you know all too well, and you feign innocence as he steps towards you and you step back. 

“So, what was that about giving up the game and making it worth my while?” he asks, one eyebrow raised as you keep stepping back and he keeps moving forward. 

“Well, it is your birthday,” you remind him, smiling to yourself when you finally feel the edge of the bed hit the back of your legs. You sit down slowly, never tearing your eyes off Eren, and reach up to pull him down more to your level. “I still have another gift for you that I think is worth your while.” 

Eren doesn’t say anything, opting instead to crash his lips onto yours. His hands push you down against the mattress, and suddenly you’re scrambling up so you’re laying fully on the bed instead of letting your legs dangle off the edge. He breaks away from your lips and follows you, settling between your legs. And again, there’s that impish smirk on his face, the one you’re so familiar with. 

You wipe the smirk right off his face by cupping him through his jeans and giving a gentle squeeze, which makes his jaw slack as he lets out a soft groan. He’s as impatient as ever as he presses another bruising kiss to your mouth, his own hands working at your pants to tug them to your knees. He leaves your panties on, wanting to tease you by rubbing you through the fabric slowly. You whine a little against his mouth, and he chuckles and drinks in the sound before breaking away to nip at your jawline. 

“Not wet enough yet,” he murmurs in a throaty voice, and his words make heat flood into your core, and you feel it creep up into your face as well. 

“What are you gonna do about it?” you ask, breathless, eyes fluttering closed as Eren moves down your body, nose skimming between your breasts and over your navel as he settles his face between your thighs. 

“Gonna do this,” he responds, just as breathless now as he spreads your thighs apart. 

Really, he’d just been teasing you before - you were wet even through your panties. But now, he can see the anticipation alone has caused you to soak through the fabric, and it makes him chuckle again, and it also makes his jeans a little tighter. 

Eren wastes no time in pressing his tongue flat against the soaked fabric of your panties that still cloth your cunt, and he relishes in the loud moan you give him before he begins dragging his tongue, letting the friction of the fabric and the pressure of his tongue work their magic against your pussy. 

When you arch your back, clearly wanting more, he presses a palm flat against your stomach and pushes you back down against the mattress, pulling his tongue away. 

You whine and gyrate your hips, looking down at him with a look of pure betrayal that elicits yet another shit-eating grin from him, and he shakes his head slowly before pecking the inside of your thigh. 

“Be a good girl for me, please,” he reminds you. “It’s my birthday, remember? I get to do whatever I want, right?” 

All you can do is nod; your brain can’t form a coherent sentence anymore. The only thing on your mind is Eren. Eren, Eren, Eren. 

He keeps his palm on your stomach and kisses his way back from your thigh to your pussy, pressing a short peck before sucking where he knows your clit is. You gasp loudly and grip at the sheets, anything to make sure you don’t move and have Eren pull away again. He seems satisfied with your reaction, and moves up to take the waistband of your panties between his teeth and snap it against your skin lightly. 

“If I take these off, will you still be good for me?” he asks against the skin of your lower stomach, and you nod frantically, reaching a hand to smooth back some hair from his face. 

“Yes...promise…,” you gasp out, and before you know it, your panties are off, along with your pants, and your bottom half is completely exposed to Eren. 

He wastes no time in diving back where he was, tongue lapping at your drenched pussy in a way that makes all the air leave your lungs. The tip of his tongue prods at your hole to tease you, and he gathers up your slick on his tongue to lap it over your clit. You know him well enough to know that his main goal is to have you make as big of a mess as possible. So far, he’s succeeding.

His hand is still pressing you down firmly against the mattress, and his other hand grasps one of your thighs and rubs soothing circles into the skin with his thumb. You barely notice that that hand is slowly moving upward, closer to your center, until two fingers push into you and Eren’s mouth begins focusing only on stimulating your clit. 

He sucks at it roughly, burying his face into your folds as he pumps and curls his fingers into you to hit your g-spot. Eren takes his hand away from your stomach, silently allowing you to move, which you immediately do. You’ve been writhing around, chest heaving as you gasp for breath, and now your hips are pushing into Eren’s face, wanting more of him on you. 

He obliges, groaning into your pussy as he presses his tongue directly on your clit and licks slow but firm circles onto it. He’s just as relentless with his fingers, hitting your spot over and over again so that the coil in your stomach tightens and pools even more heat between your legs. 

“I’m gonna come,” you warn him, tugging at his hair, and all that does is make Eren practically go feral. He stretches his fingers inside you in an effort to prep you, and he’s back to sucking harshly at your clit, tips of his fingers now directly pressed against your g-spot as he overstimulates you into your first orgasm. 

The groan he muffles into your cunt sends you over the edge, pleasure spreading over your entire body as you ride his face shamelessly to prolong your orgasm. Both of your hands are tangled up in his hair and pushing him into your pussy, and Eren doesn’t let up with his tongue until he feels you collapse onto the bed again. Even then, he keeps his fingers inside you, but kisses his way back up to your lips, pushing his tongue inside your mouth so you can taste yourself. 

You moan into the kiss and tug at his clothes impatiently, and you can’t help the whine that leaves you when Eren pulls his fingers out of you. But it’s for a good cause. 

Both of you are in a hurry to yank off the rest of your clothes, until you’re both fully bared to one another. Eren is sitting back on his calves, fully hard and stroking himself, and your mouth waters at the sight. 

Before Eren can really register what you’ve done, you have him lying on the bed with you on top, eyes devouring him, from his blown pupils to his hard cock standing at attention. 

“Want you,” you say, eyes never straying from his cock, and Eren lets you make your way down like he had before with you. 

You leave little kisses down his torso until your lips skim across his flushed dick, and you hum in content as you take it in your hand and feel how hard it is. You hear Eren groan but don’t look up at him just yet, all of your attention on his cock. 

Without warning, you dip down and push your tongue out to lick from base to tip, paying attention to the head when you reach it. Your hand jerks Eren off slowly at first, and it’s your turn to relish in the way his hips buck up into your hand for more. 

“Oh, fuck,” he rasps out, throwing his head back against the pillow. “Don’t tease, please…” 

You tease him anyway, just like he teased you, giving him little licks and kisses along his cock as you stroke him, your other hand gently massaging his balls. Eren is bucking his hips desperately, delicious whines leaving his lips, and you feel his eyes burning into the top of your head as you mouth at his cock. Finally, you flick your gaze to him as you run your bottom lip along the head of his dick, taking in the sight of his flushed face. 

“Please,” he whines, a hand reaching to grab onto your hair. 

Anything for the birthday boy. 

Your lips close around the head and you give a soft suck at first, knowing how sensitive Eren is, and you smile around his dick when he groans in satisfaction and grips your hair tighter. You take more of him into your mouth and let your tongue run over his warm cock, hands still working at him. Bobbing your head, you glance up at Eren, who has his head thrown back against the pillows. But it’s like he feels his eyes on you, so he glances down and loses it all over again when he sees you like that, pretty with his cock almost fully in your mouth and jerking off what you can’t fit just yet. 

You feel him twitch in your mouth and you moan in delight; it encourages you to push more of him into your mouth. You have to slacken your jaw and hollow out your cheeks, and it makes you tear up because of his size, but having him in your mouth like this makes your cunt drool even more, already aching for another orgasm. 

You can’t help yourself, and move the hand on his balls to go between your legs, fingertips dancing over your clit. You’re still so sopping wet that your fingers slide around easily between your folds, and the little whimper that’s muffled against Eren’s dick tells him exactly what you’re doing. 

You gather some of your slick around your fingers and coat the base of Eren’s cock with it, making it easier to stroke him. Both of your hands are on him now, squeezing gently as your mouth goes back to just teasing his head, tongue lapping at the little slit that’s oozing precum. When your eyes meet his again, you see the telltale signs of his own impending orgasm. 

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum, don’t want to yet” he slurs out, and you’re surprised when he pushes you away. He sits up and cups your face to bring you up to kiss your swollen lips, helping you sit in his lap. The two of you muffle strangled noises of pleasure in the kiss when your cunt brushes against his cock, and your hips buck involuntarily towards him. 

“Want you inside,” you whine against his mouth, arms draped around his shoulders as he helps shift you in his lap so that you’re hovering over his cock, knees on either side of his hips.  

Your chests are pressed together and he has one arm secure around your waist, while his free hand lines himself up to your entrance. And then you drop yourself down with Eren’s help, exhilarated moans mixing with each other as he fills you up. 

“God, you’re so wet,” Eren pants out, letting you roll your hips to adjust to him. 

Only once he’s fully bottomed out in you does he begin to move, thrusting up sharply into you while he balances himself on one arm, his free hand firmly gripping your ass. You’re meeting his thrusts perfectly, so in sync with him that it’s scary. You’re still balancing some of your weight on your knees, but you’ve spread your thighs apart to get more comfortable in the position you’re in. 

The wet sounds of Eren’s cock drilling into you make you clench around him, aroused by the sound, and it makes Eren groan in delight when he feels how you get so tight around him. He leans in to bite into your neck, fully intent on leaving a very noticeable hickey, and you gasp in both pleasure and pain. Just as he wanted, you clench around him again in reaction to his love bite, and Eren moans into your skin as he marks you. 

“You feel so good,” Eren praises, right into your ear, sending shivers down your spine. 

“You feel so good,” you counter, voice a little shaky. The hands that had been gripping his shoulders for leverage move to his chest, and you push him back against the mattress to switch positions. With you riding him like this, it pushes Eren’s cock even deeper into you, and your jaw drops at the way he splits you open. It’s the perfect position for his head to push against your spot, and it feels heavenly, even better than just his fingers hitting it. 

Despite laying down, Eren continues to ram into you, lifting his hips up to meet the way yours come crashing down. There’s no real rhythm to it at all, the both of you more focused on the relentlessness of it, just trying to chase your highs. It’s sloppy, and it’s so, so hot. 

You lean in, hands still sitting on his chest, and you angle yourself to press a messy kiss to his mouth, all tongue and teeth, before you make your way down to his throat to get your revenge. 

Eren whines out your name when you mark him, more than once, along the more sensitive spots on his neck. You don’t let up with the pace of how you ride him, still making sure you meet his thrusts. 

“I’m close,” you warn him, sitting up properly again to get the best angle. Eren’s hand immediately moves to your clit, rubbing light and quick circles into it to help you reach your high. 

“Want you to come for me again,” Eren pants out, eyes glossy as he stares up at you. “Give me one more.” 

You throw your head back and groan out his name, hips stuttering in rhythm as you get closer and closer, especially with his encouragement, and then you come so hard that you swear you black out for a second, your cunt clenching around Eren tightly enough that it proves to be too much for him. The sight of you finally reaching your orgasm, the feel of you squeezing his cock, it instigates his own orgasm. 

When Eren comes, he surges up off the bed so he’s sitting up with you on his lap again, hips rutting into you at a feral pace as he locks lips with you. 

Your walls are still squeezing him, milking him as he comes inside you, and the way your name falls from his lips in breathy little moans makes you preen. You’re melded together, skin pressed into skin even as Eren stills his hips, and you both take a moment to catch your breath. 

“Love you so much,” you tell him between kisses, the two of you slowly coming back to reality. 

With a dreamy, happy sigh, Eren mutters a, “Love you too,” and nuzzles your cheek.

Eren makes no effort to pull out just yet, basking in the remaining glow of his orgasm while you do the same. He steals kiss after kiss and holds you close to him, and when he does pull out, you end up pouting at how empty you feel. 

“Best birthday gift ever,” he tells you, and then that cheeky grin is back on his face and you roll your eyes with a laugh, trying to distract away from the fact that his words have made heat flood into your cheeks. 

You shift so you’re both laying down, with your head on Eren’s chest as he strokes your back affectionately, legs intertwined. You want to stay like this for the rest of the night, but sigh after a few minutes and tilt your head up to look at Eren.

“Should we head back to the party?” you ask him. 

Eren thinks about it for a moment, and then reaches for his phone that’s on the nightstand. He waits until the screen glows to life so he can check the time, and then looks down at you with a playful glint in his eye. 

“It’s actually still my birthday,” he reports, setting his phone down, and you know exactly where he’s going with this, but decide to play dumb. 

“Oh yeah? So maybe we should definitely go back down and make the most of it,” you say. 

“I’d rather you give me one more birthday present,” Eren responds, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. 

“Round two?” 

[kweebtrash]

When I See You Again (M)

Genre:  Best Friends to Lovers! AU, Tattoo Artist! Yuto, 1st person reader

Summary:  You and Yuto had met in high school, an unlikely pair as he was the juvenile delinquent and you were just a foreign exchange student trapped in a country who’s people didn’t except you and lost in homesickness. After saving you from your worst nightmare of being trapped against the wall between some bullies, you slowly started to become friends, though friendship quickly turned into a secret crush. When your heart was just about full a devastating accident caused you to be ripped away from Japan, never seeing Yuto again. Ten years later a chance encounter on a simple vacation turns your world upside down as the teenage boy you loved was now a man who still had a hold of your heart.

Warnings: violence (fighting), mentions of blood, bullying, mentions of abuse

Features: shy yuto, fun and awkward conversations during sexy time, oral (giving and receiving), fingering, slow and gentle and mostly romantic sex, a smidgearooni of dirty talk (but cute dirty talk). Basically Yuto can be confident at times but mostly shy in bed. Yuto is also very handsy and loves kissing so theres a lot of that in case it seems overdone.

Word Count:

A/N:  This was actually a request i received almost a year ago (i’m so sorry) and i finally challenged myself to finish this. I don’t really think it’s my best but I really wanted to get back into writing for pentagon. To the person that requested this i’m so damn sorry it took so long.

I hope you at least think it was worth it.

My shoes pounded against the tile as i weaved through a crowded hallway full of students. My breath burned in my lungs and my heart pounded in my ears. I dodged a student council member, spinning on my heels and almost falling to my knees before catching myself. I took quick glances over my shoulder trying to see if they were behind me. Their raucous laughter was still close by as they remained high on my tail. I laser focused on the sound, hearing it over the gossiping whispers and angry yells as i almost crashed into the other students. Up ahead I could see a flight of stairs that lead to the rooftop. It felt like a light at the end of the tunnel. I sprinted up the stairs two at a time and grabbed onto the door handle, hoping to all hell that it wasn’t locked. I flung it open with all my strength, falling through the doorway. I slammed it shut behind me, pressing my back to it taking in deep breaths until my lungs went back into a rhythm of normalcy. Up on the roof gusts of fall air cooled my skin as i walked over to the edge. It was peaceful here. No one to shame me, no one to chase me, no one to make my life a living hell. I wished I wasn't here at all. I wanted to go back home. I momentarily looked down at the bustling sidewalk below. People looked like ants from how far up I was. A wave of nausea and fear came over me and I took a step back.

“You’re not going to jump are you?”

I whipped around quickly to see that i wasn’t alone on the rooftop. He was sprawled out on his back, hands folded behind his head, and a cigarette dangling from his lips. His uniform matched mine, but it looked like he was determined to violate every dress code put into place. His blazer was open, revealing a black v-neck underneath, tie hanging loosely around his neck, and piercings all along his ears. I stared at him momentarily taken aback by his "bad boy" vibes and piercing gaze. He seemed so familiar but I couldn’t quite place him. I walked to the center of the rooftop so I could stay safe. “No...I’m not planning on it.”

“Good. With my luck they’d say I pushed you.” He pulled the cigarette from his lips and exhaled.

“Who’s ‘they’?” I questioned, still wracking my brain trying to figure out who he was.

“Police. Principal. Students. Idiots and assholes. ‘They’.” It clicked in my head then. Adachi. I had heard the name floating in conversations in the hallway. My Japanese was far from perfect but I could at least recall that name. He towered over most of the students and was always in detention, cutting classes, and getting into fights. Rumors were even spread about him being a serial killer, which seemed typical of the students here; anything to shove away people who were different and isolate them. He had a different impact than I did. While i was the weak foreigner, he was one to be feared but I didn’t even think he looked intimidating. In fact, I thought he was kind of...cute. “What were you running from?” He continued, this time in English which surprised me but gave me a sense of comfort. His accent was heavy and words a little broken but i was the same with my Japanese so I didn't care.

Ever since my family moved to Japan for my dad’s job I had been struggling to pick up the language. It didn’t help that I was thrust into public school without any time to prepare for classes fully. Everyday was becoming more of a struggle for hundreds of reasons and I wished desperately that I could go back to my own country. In hindsight that was probably the most truthful answer-that I was running from everything- but I provided him the one that didn’t reveal my true feelings.

“Girls.” I stated flatly. “Stupid girls. Evil girls. They were...calling me this word I didn’t understand and they were laughing at me. Then they cornered me. I don’t know why they were so pissed off. I don’t even think I have classes with any of them. Before I knew it they we're grabbing at my hair and were trying to cut it. I ran away as fast as I could. It's been like that since I've started school here.”

Adachi scoffed and flicked his cigarette off the side of the roof. He stood up slowly, dusting off the back of his uniform pants. “Fight back.” He stated as if it was the most logical and useful answer. “Don't let anyone know what you're scared of or else you're just going to get treated like you're nothing.”

I almost laughed at his “advice.” “That’s your great idea? To fight? I’m sure it works well for you.” I said sarcastically, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Oh it does.” He shot back at me. “You don't see me whining about people calling me gaijin and crying over being bullied, do you?”

My brows furrowed. “I wasn’t crying, asshole! It’s just irritating and annoying. I don’t understand what’s happening in my classes and I can’t even go to them without having people threatening to cause me bodily harm or throwing shit at me. On top of that, my parents would kill me if I ever got in trouble so i’m just….stuck.” I let out an exasperated sigh.

“Aww it must really suck to have mommy and daddy pout over you. Whether you follow my advice or not doesn’t mean two shits to me. But dont start whining when they come after you again.” He shrugged and headed towards the door, taking a moment to pause before turning back towards me. “People are stupid. Don’t let it get to you or else you’ll really end up jumping.” With that he left the rooftop leaving me alone at last.

Adachi…what a prick. Where did he get off telling me to fight? It was easy for him to say. He had nothing to lose. Well I assumed so anyway...Maybe I was just as bad as everyone else who judged him. A little pang of guilt hit me. I didn’t want to become like the girls who chased me or the teachers that mocked me. I wasn’t going to judge him just because he was different. After all, he tried to help the only way he knew how. I knew deep down that he was right too. I wasn’t going to show this school how miserable it made me. Maybe taking his advice into consideration wasn’t such a bad idea.

It was days before I saw him again. Occasionally, I would catch him in the hallway but we didn’t have a chance to speak face to face. That was until I had been cornered again by the same girls. It was a chorale of taunts, poking, and prodding; using their cowardice to place us behind the school where no one would see us. The main culprit was a senior who looked down at me in disdain with the most sinister of smiles on her lips. She was the one who screamed the loudest as if I could respond to the words that cut into me. I tried covering my ears to block her out but her shrill voice surpassed my blockade. My blood was boiling and I could feel my body shaking. Adachi’s advice kept creeping into my mind. Just fight. Just Fight. JUST FIGHT. 

“Hey!” The deep voice cut through the screaming and made us all freeze. Our attention turned to Adachi who was standing just a few feet away, glaring at the girls surrounding me. Their demeanor changed in seconds and while their so called “leader” was distracted i closed my eyes and swung. I felt something connect with my fist and a rush of pain sped up my arm. My hand was trembling and when I opened my eyes I saw the splatters of red that stained her white uniform blouse.

“Oh shit.” I whispered in disbelief.

She held her nose and screamed in pain. Before my mind could even react further, Adachi grabbed me by my arm and started running. I struggled to keep up with his long strides, taking no time to look behind us to see if they had begun to follow. Hopefully Adachi had scared them off enough to keep them at bay. It seemed like forever until we stopped beside a nearby convenience store, panting and doubling over as we tried to catch our breaths. Suddenly Adachi burst into laughter, scaring the crap out of me. I had barely heard him speak let alone laugh before. It was...sweet albeit still a little frightening. 

“I can’t believe you actually decked her in the face!”

“W-well she wouldn’t shut up! I was tired of hearing her scream and i didn’t even understand what she was saying! I don’t know what the fuck her problem is." I took a deep death and adjusted my uniform. "Thank you though. You kinda saved me back there.”

“I mean you probably would’ve gotten your ass kicked. And with the way you punched, you wouldn’t have stood a chance.” His eyes darted down to my fist that ached and was starting to bruise. “You punch with the flats of your fingers, not your knuckles. That’s gonna swell. At least you still probably broke her nose..”

“Great. I have no idea how I’m going to hide this from my parents.”

“Time to chop your hand off and say it was a random Yakuza attack.”

I stared at him, my eyes going wide for a second. “Did you...did you just make a joke?”

He shoved his hands in his pockets and stood up a little straighter. “Just because people piss me off doesn’t mean that I can’t actually laugh. I’m not a robot or a serial killer.”

“So you heard those rumors?” I asked softly.

He shrugged. “It’s whatever. Sometimes I go along with it just to get people off my back. Anyway, might as well go inside and get you something cold to keep the swelling down. Stay here.”

I watched his back as the automatic doors parted and he walked in. I rested against the brick wall, trying not to think about the pain in my hand. I uncurled my fingers slowly and tried forming the fist again. It wasn’t easy but nothing seemed to be broken either. My knuckles were now a grisly blue-violet and the swelling was starting to become noticeable. I sighed and glanced down at my watch, impatiently waiting for Adachi’s return. It only took a few more minutes before i saw his tuft of black hair reappear. He held out a frozen bag of peas for me to take while i gave him a puzzled look.

“It’s the only thing they had. Just take it.” 

I took the pack and held it on my hand. it made me wince but also provided a little relief. "Thanks. Do you think I could hide this from my parents?"

"No way in hell. Just keep an ice pack on it and try not to use it too much."

"You sound like an expert on this." I grumbled.

"Yeah, well," He looked away from me and returned his hands to his pockets. "I've had my fair share of busted knuckles. Anyway, do you need me to walk you home or are you cool?"

Walk me home? That wasn't something I expected from him. "Do you really want to?"

"I mean I asked for a reason, dumbass."

"Hey! Don't be a jerk! I just...I've never been walked home before and I know it's kinda a big deal here."

He shrugged. "I don't think so. This isn’t some anime romance. I just want to make sure those bitches aren't after you. It'd be hell if they found out where you lived."

He had a point. I was already harassed at school, I wasn't prepared to be harassed at home as well. "Ok, that sounds good."

He grabbed my briefcase that I barely had time to escape with and held his hand out in front of him. "Lead the way."

We walked side by side, mostly quiet and awkward. I wasn't sure what kind of conversation i should even start. I wanted to know more about him but something told me he was a closed book. I chewed on my lip, overthinking and getting anxious. "You know, i don't even know your name." He said, suddenly.

Oh, that's right. We had never formally introduced ourselves. I told him my name and realized I had to figure out the proper honorific for him. "Wait, should I call you Adachi-kun. Or Adachi-sempai? Are you even older than me? Is it Adachi-san?"

"Just call me Yuto. No honorifics. I don't care about that. It's just some authoritative bullshit."

"You're really one hell of a guy, you know that?" I couldn't help but chuckle.

There was a faint tint of rose to his cheeks, so much so that I thought I had imagined it. He looked away and scoffed. "Tch, whatever. Just keep telling me where to go."

I smiled to myself as we turned a corner. Yuto might have a secret soft spot that I was dying to pry into more. Occasionally, I was able to drum up something else to talk about. I was curious as to why he got into trouble so much but instead tried to see what kind of things he liked. It boiled down to eating and sleeping - very profound hobbies. He seemed more interested in me and once I finally got him talking I realized he wouldn't stop. His tone was still serious but I think it was mostly on account of how deep his voice was. I didn't expect him to be so talkative but it actually felt like I finally had a friend here.

--

A few weeks later, Yuto was supposed to meet me near my house to walk me to school. We had made a habit of walking together almost every day. It didn't matter if we were silent or talked about what happened at school or I scolded him for being a delinquent, our conversations made me totally happy and it was the one thing I looked forward to each day. This morning in particular, though, he wasn't at our usual meet up spot. I waited for a few minutes, wondering if he was caught up somewhere. It was getting dangerously close to first bell and our consequences for being late were going to be extreme. When I called him he didn’t answer which made my mind jump to conclusions and worry immediately. Taking a chance, I sprinted in the direction of the school as a gut feeling was telling me something wasn't right.

As I got closer to the school I could hear a scuffle in the nearest alleyway, close to the convenience store we had stopped back when I had hurt my fist. I saw him against the wall, facing off against two idiots. His briefcase had been tossed to the floor, it's contents spilling out and I was afraid that would happen to his guts as well as one of the attackers was holding a knife. There was no mistaking the shine that spiked across it from the morning sun. They were dressed in uniforms from a school I didn’t recognize- I had no idea who they were and I didn’t care. I was hell bent on returning the favor to Yuto from when he saved me.

"Hey!" I yelled. All attention was turned to me instantly.

"Get out of here!" Yuto said. "It's too dangerous!"

"Oh, is that your little girlfriend?" One of the bigger boys said smugly. 

The knife holder rolled the weapon in his palm, adding to its already present intimidation. My heart was pounding in my ears as my eyes zeroed in on it. Adrenaline was building inside me, the same feelings of needing to fight back taking over from when I had punched my own bully. Fear was still ever present of course. I didn’t stand a chance with actually fist fighting them and they had the upper hand anyway. I could die. Yuto could die. It was risky and the odds were too stacked against us. I had to try though, anything was worth a shot if I could save him. It was the first thing that popped into my head and instead of swinging my fist i sent my leg flying up between his. With how hard I had struck him it felt like my shin had connected straight with his pelvic bone. Pain filled my calf but i was sure it wasn’t as strong as what he was feeling. The knife clanged to the ground as he crumpled along with it, holding himself as he groaned in pain. Yuto picked up the knife at lighting speed and managed to shove the other boy against the wall, pressing the blade to his neck. His tone was full of spite and anger and though he was speaking too fast for me to understand I could feel the fiery intent behind every syllable. Whatever it was, it scared the other guy into picking up his friend and dragging themselves away like wounded dogs. Yuto tossed the knife to the ground and before I could even ask if he was okay he grabbed onto my shoulders and shook me roughly.

"Are you fucking crazy?! You could've gotten hurt! Don't ever do that again!"

"I-im sorry!! I just-! You were in trouble and I didn’t know what else to do! I didn’t want you to get hurt either! I panicked!”

“You’re such an airhead sometimes! What would’ve happened if you had gotten stabbed, huh?! I cant...I can’t lose you...:” His voice softened at the end, so low that I could barely hear it. I didn’t expect him to be this emotional. Though we were good friends and shared laughs, Yuto was still blocked off when it came to deeper emotions. He was even more reserved when it came to affection but in this moment he pulled me to his chest and squeezed me as tight as he could. It shocked me completely, so much so that I didn’t even think to reciprocate the hug. I just stood there like an idiot as I felt every inch of his warmth flowing over me. It was so utterly comforting and something I didn’t think i needed throughout my time here in Japan but it seemed to heal all wounds. Eventually, it clicked in my head to wrap my arms around him and squeeze him just as tight. It felt so good and I didn’t want us to ever separate but he was the first to pull away. "Sorry I wasn't there to walk you to school."

"That doesn't matter now, idiot." I reached up and whacked my palm into his forehead gently. “Besides i’m pretty sure first bell already rang. I’m going to get into so much trouble. My parents are going to kill me when they find out and I really really realllllyyy don’t want to do detention. Is it as bad as they say it is?”

“I don’t know, i never did my detentions.” He said with a devious smile. “But I guess that just means we’ll have to skip entirely.”

“Are you insane!? That will get me into even more trouble! That’s the opposite of what I need!”

“Aww come on, live a little. You don’t always have to play by the rules. Sometimes it’s fun to break them. Besides, one day of skipping isn’t going to hurt you.”

"Adachi Yuto, are you saying I should become a juvenile delinquent just like you?"

"Hell yeah." 

We laughed, harder than we should of knowing the prospect of me getting in trouble loomed over us. Though I was scared of the consequences, the idea of spending the entire day with him released thousands of budding seeds of romance that I hadn’t really known had been inside me. Sure, i would notice his tender eyes and smile that lit up my entire world like the first sunrise but I didn’t think I had a crush on him! Or rather I ignored every single one of those feelings because I knew he wouldn’t be interested in me. It was a secret I had been harboring for fear of rejection and making our entire relationship weird. With a day of endless possibilities ahead of us I hoped that I could keep my secret and remain stoic. I slipped out of my overthinking and looked up at him. "Ok, I guess you convinced me enough. I’ll play hooky but just this once!”

“Whoa, really? I didn’t think you had it in you.” He nudged my arm playfully.

“I’m nervous but spending a day with you sounds much more exciting than listening to lectures that make my brain feel like its frying.”

“I’m excited to spend the day with you too…” His cheeks flushed then and he took a step back from the closeness leftover from our hug. He shoved his hands in his pockets and shuffled his weight on his feet. “Uh, I mean, um...like-uh...What would you want to do?”

"What do you normally do when you skip?" I asked.

"Get some snacks at the store then sit at home and watch One Piece reruns."

"Are you serious?" I giggled. "That's what Mr. "Serial Killer" does?"

"Hey! It’s relaxing! Sometimes I doze off, sometimes I do other stuff. It’s nice!”

“I’ve never watched One Piece before. Is it good?”

“Is it-? It’s AMAZING! It’s basically like the greatest anime of all time. Oh my god, we have to watch it now. We’re not doing anything else.”

I rolled my eyes and sighed. “What have I gotten myself into?!” I laughed. “Oh, wait. Your stuff.” We both dropped to the ground and started picking up the scattered contents of his bag. My eyes rested on a sketchpad that laid open, the pages now slightly torn and dirty but I could see precise linework and expressions the drawings held.

"Did you draw these?" I asked.

He snatched the book away from me and snapped it shut. "Nevermind this. It's nothing."

"Yuto, I think they were really nice."

"No, it's seriously nothing. Forget about it."

I set my hand on his shoulder and softened my voice. "You know you don't have to be embarrassed around me."

"I'm not-" He sighed. "I'm not embarrassed really. I just don't think I'm good."

"Of course you're good. They're amazing and I think you're talented."

"Really?"

"Has no one ever told you that before?" I asked.

"No…"

"Well I'm telling you now, ok? And I mean it."

Our eyes met and a slow shy smile creeped onto his face. He turned away instantly and mumbled some sort of thanks as he worked to stuff everything back in the bag. "Appreciate it."

I stood up and dusted my knees off. "What are friends for anyway?" I extended my hand to help him up which he took.

"Friends...yeah…"

"Wanna get those snacks now?"

He only nodded, retreating back to those simple answers I was used to. I held onto his arm as we walked, looking up at him every so often. It was starting to get harder and harder to ignore the feelings that kept trying to surface every time i was with him. I wished they would just disappear already. With him so close to me now i could feel my heart pounding. It got even worse when i felt his hand overwhelm mine suddenly. He was tugging me in the direction of the store but i couldnt take my eyes off our interlocked fingers. They were so warm and long, absolutely beautiful. I could just imagine the way he held a pencil while sketching his favorite characters. I wanted to watch him do what he loved the most. He lead me across the street and to the doors of the convenience store while i stayed wrapped in my head. It wasn’t until he asked me what i wanted that i snapped out of it. I looked around at some of the pre-made food trying to decipher what the labels said and what i could infer from what the food looked like. I was indecisive between a chicken or pork bento and but figured that Yuto would be able to help me decide.

I found him a few aisles over, bent over and looking at cell phone charms like he was trying to make a decision himself. “What are you looking at?”

He straightened up quickly and almost jumped when he saw me. “Oh, uh...nothing.”

I looked over the charms, noticing that they were of popular Sanrio characters. “These are so cute. Are you gonna get one?”

“What? Me? No way! I was looking at them for my...sister! For my sister, yeah. She likes Kerropi so…”

“Really? I like Cinnamaroll. He’s the cutest little thing ever.”

Yuto picked up both a Kerropi and Cinnamaroll charm. “I could get it for you if you want.” He said with a sheepish smile.

“You dont have to do that.” I giggled. “It’s more important that your sis-”

Suddenly, the store owner sped towards Yuto, yelling loudly and tugging at his uniform shirt. He was trying to shove Yuto out, accusing him of being a no good thief and that he should be in school. Yuto showed his empty pockets and held his bag out to be inspected but the shop owner wasn’t listening. Yuto turned to me. “Look, fuck this guy. I’ll just wait for you outside, ok?”

“But you havent done anything wrong! I dont understand why-”

“Doesnt matter. He just sees me as a punk kid because i’ve come in here a little banged up before. I’ll wait for you, ok?”

I didn’t have a say in what he was going to do so i didn’t waste my breath. I watched as he set the keychains down and left the store, the owner still yelling after him. I rushed to pay for everything and get back to him. I was riddled with anger and wanted to leave as soon as possible. “That pissed me off so fucking much.” I huffed.

Yuto shrugged and began walking in the direction of his home. “Don’t waste your energy on it. I’m used to it. You and I are a lot more alike than I thought. People shit on us for being so different and they dont even take the time to get to know us. If someone actually cares about me then they’ll show it. Those are the only people I can trust.”

“Do you think you can trust me?” I asked.

“I know I can trust you. You’re the only one who’s given me the time of day and didn’t think I was automatically an asshole. You talked to me and saw me as a person. I’m glad I met you.”

I stared down at my feet, hoping he wouldnt see the blossoming shyness spread across my entire face. I clutched at his arm as we walked, softly speaking. “I’m glad I met you too. You’re my best friend, Yuto.”

“I never thought I would have a best friend...or any friends for that matter.”

“Like you said, you don’t need anyone who doesn’t care about you. It’s us against the world.” It seemed a bit dramatic to say but it truly felt that way. There was no one that i felt could come between us or anything for that matter.

We arrived at Yuto’s home, a worn down small box with tattered screen doors. It shocked me but I didn’t want to say anything. I couldn’t be disrespectful but i was concerned more than anything. “Sorry it’s not fancy like your place.”

“I don’t care about what it looks like, i just want to make sure you’re ok.”

He stayed quiet as he opened the door which worried me further. Inside there were two cramped rooms, one of which was of course Yuto’s. He guided us in and sat against the wall, facing an old square tv that looked like it was salvaged from a junk yard. I sat beside him and set the bag of food down between us. “You forgot to take off your shoes when we came in.”

I immediately looked at my feet. “Oh my god! I’m sorry!” I rushed to take off my loafers but Yuto just chuckled.

“It’s fine, just set them by the bedroom door. I don’t mind.” I set them beside the door while he turned on the small tv, banging it a few times until a clear picture formed. He flicked through the channels until he found the one that showed One Piece. I pulled out the food I had gotten us and handed him a pair of cheap wooden chopsticks. 

“So,” I began. “Judging from your house set up you don’t have a sister, do you?”

He stilled for a moment then sighed. “Is this about the phone charm?”

I pulled out both charms from the shopping bag and held the Kerropi one out to him. “Now we can match. It kind of seems silly but I think it’s cute.” I pulled out my flip phone and threaded the charm through the small hole at the bottom then looked over at him. “Do you not like it?”

Yuto looked over at me, staring at me until nervousness settled in my stomach, almost making nausea hit me like a train. He inched forward, still leaving me to be an unsuspecting mess while his lips fell onto mine. My eyes widened and i completely froze. I had no idea what to do. This was my first kiss ever and it was with my best friend! Before i could even get my thoughts straight, it was over and we were back to being face to face and unsure of everything that transpired. “I’m sorry.” He said softly.

“W-what? I don’t understand…”

“i-I’ve liked you for some time now but...I wasn’t sure how you would feel. I just...i don’t know. I just felt like i shouldve kissed you. I was too afraid to tell you that I liked you. I thought you wouldn’t even give me the time of day.”

“Why would you even think that? I spend all this time with you. I trust you and im happy to see you every day. You’re the best part of my shitty life. And i want to spend it with you.” I settled my hand over his and was the one who leaned in this time, smiling as he grabbed onto my shoulder and held our kiss a little longer. We were lost in our own little world and I could finally be happy in this foreign place.

Suddenly the door slid open, barreling into the door frame and rattling it. Hovering above us was a man who looked just like Yuto, who I could only assume was his father. He was instantly yelling at us and Yuto scrambled to his feet, pulling me up with him. “You need to leave now!!”

“Yuto! What’s going on!?”

“Now!!!” He managed to shove me between the small gap in the door frame and his father. I grabbed my shoes quickly and tried to slip them on but his father was closing in on me as if i was a deadly target. Yuto grabbed onto his arm and i heard a hard thud against his jaw. I screamed after him, hating to see him hurt and wanting to obliterate his father but i was powerless to stop him. I couldn’t take him down or prevent him from hurting the person who I cared about the most. All i could do was stand in horror while Yuto screamed at me to leave. Tears were rolling down my face as i sped out of the home and towards my own. That was the last time I saw him.

--

The streets were bustling, the summer air thick and heavy. Thousands of people crowding the sidewalk didn’t provide any relief either. Lights were flashing everywhere; neon, iridescent, and beckoning. I had no idea what I even wanted to do tonight. A club, a bar, a cafe? I hadn’t been back in a decade- everything seemed new again. Nerve wracking and exciting. I wanted to make new memories. Memories that wouldn’t haunt me and instead make me happy. I wanted to think of Japan as my home away from home. Right now she was still a stranger. I could only see her through the eyes of tourist, which I absolutely hated but it was a start. That’s how I ended up following the crowd, wondering where it would take me. Wreckless? Yes, absolutely. My japanese was still rusty even though I tried my best to pick it up again. Getting lost still and not being able to communicate weighed heavy on my mind. The sense of adventure outweighed my fright and I carried on, looking for my next stop.

My eyes got lost in the crowd every once in awhile, observing the school girls, the punks, the lolitas, and regular office people ebbing and flowing. One particular person caught my eye- he was towering over most everyone, cell phone to his ear. That was when I saw it, a dangling charm nudging across his wrist as he walked. It looked worn, faded, the bright green now a washed out chartreuse. I swallowed hard. It couldn’t be. Of course not. The chances were too miniscule. Besides, Keroppi wasn’t that much of a popular character but I couldn’t get the thought out of my head. Just maybe it could be. I was about to embarrass myself but it was worth a shot.

“Adachi!” I screamed over the roar of the crowd. His head whipped around and my heart stopped. People moved past us and we remained several feet apart. He didn’t look like the Yuto I remembered. He was bigger, definitely. His biceps were struggling to stay beneath his short sleeves, his black denim vest staying open wide against his broad chest and shoulders. His arms were covered fully in tattoos and for a minute I thought I had made a mistake. That was until he speed towards me, his long legs carrying him in quick strides, closing the space between us in seconds. He said my name in that all too familiar honey smooth baritone that made me want to drop to my knees. It sounded deeper than it had in high school, carrying the weight of the unspoken things we wanted to do as teenagers. I looked up at him, a smile forming on both our faces before he squeezed me tight to his tall frame.

“Holy fucking shit!! I can’t believe it’s you! What are you doing here?” He exclaimed. His eyes still remained in a state of disbelief as he looked me over.

My hands rested on his biceps as I still didn’t want to pull away completely. “I-i’m here on vacation. I haven’t been back in years. I wanted to come back and...and make better memories I guess. I never thought I would see you again. Or that you would remember me.” My voice trailed off a bit at the end.

“How could I ever forget you?” The words took me by surprise, as well as his laugh after. “You had the biggest crush on me, remember?!”

I rolled my eyes, pretending playfully that the statement wasn’t true. “You wouldn’t leave me alone and I always had to take care of you because you were a pain in the ass! Always getting into trouble. All I did for that year was clean blood off you with all the fights you got into. Besides you had a crush on me too!!”

“What can I say, you like those bad boy types, don’t you?” He shifted his weight a bit and let out a small chuckle. “What are you doing right now? Going someplace special?”

I shook my head, gently moving him out of the way of the main part of the crowd. He leaned against a street sign as I stayed close to him. “Nothing really. I thought I’d just come here and see what I could find. I got tired of doing tourist shit during the day. I wanted to do something better.”

“You came here alone?” He asked and I nodded. “That’s pretty ballsy for you. Last time I checked your Japanese was shit.”

“Thanks, Asshole.” I replied in his native tongue and he threw back his head and laughed.

“I think I taught you that one.” 

“You did, and now I can use it against you...Also you still have Keroppi.”

His deep brown eyes flew to his cell phone that was clutched in his hand, the slightest tinge of pink decorating his cheeks. He kinda shrugged and didn’t say anything. I smiled and dug into my small purse, pulling out my own cell phone. I held it up to him so he could see the cinnamaroll charm I too had dangling from my phone. It had long lost it’s complete white color, instead getting dirty from it’s time at the bottom of my bag or from being stuffed into the pocket of my jeans. “You’re kidding?” He said, his expressing changing completely. “Why do you still have that?!”

“Why do you still have Keroppi?” I shot back.

He looked away for a moment, pretending to stretch as his free hand rested on the back of his neck. “I...well...I missed what we had...and I was angry that you had left. I didn’t have it on my phone for awhile and I guess...I don’t know really.”

I stared down at my feet. I had never gotten to tell him the reason why I had left so abruptly. I had never wanted to leave him behind, not after everything we had shared together. But i was ripped away from Japan almost as soon as I was implanted there. “I never forgot about you.” I confessed. “I want to apologize for leaving and not getting a chance to say goodbye.”

He shrugged again, trying to keep up his nonchalant facade. “Forget it. It’s cool. You’re here now, so...you wanna go to a bar with me? We’ll drink some beer and get some food.”

“Hell yeah. I haven’t eaten in a bit. Where are you thinking?”

“There’s a spot in Shibuya that’s by my place. We can go there.”

“Perfect. Lead the way.”

He nodded in the direction of the train station and I followed him, holding onto his arm tightly so I wouldn’t lose him again.

--

I tossed back the rest of my third beer almost spitting it out when Yuto brought up another fond memory. “Remember when I made you watch One Piece for the first time and you just had this look on your face like ‘What the absolute fuck?’”

I nodded before swallowing. “I had never watched anime a day in my life. Well I guess Pokemon counts. And Yu-Gi-Oh. But I never did much after. But here you were a secret nerd, drawing in your little sketchbook and wanting to be a famous manga-ka.”

“Yeah, I tossed that shit out when I dropped out of high school.” He sipped on his beer licking the foam from his lips. He picked up his chopsticks, turning the meat on the grill between us so it wouldn’t burn. “Hung around some people I shouldn't have, went to jail for a bit, discovered tattooing and here I am now.”

“Yuto Adachi! You’re insane. What did you go to jail for? I-if you don’t mind me asking.”

He reclined back in his seat and took another swig of his beer. “Petty theft, a few other misdemeanors. Nothing serious. It’s whatever. What did you do, princess? After you left…”

I chewed on an already cooked piece of beef, opening my mouth in between bites to try and cool the burning sensation in my mouth. I swallowed after a minute of chewing and sighed. “My parents died. That’s why I left. It was some freak accident on the plane ride back home. They were going back just for a few days for some medical convention thing. And well...I couldn’t stay here on my own so I got taken back to live with my grandparents.”

“Fuck.” He whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“Shit happens. I couldn’t do anything about it. I miss them everyday but time moves on. We move on. But that’s basically why I didn’t say goodbye. It all happened so fast. I didn’t even get a chance to breathe.”

We fell into a heavy silence. Only the sizzling of meat on the grill and the raucous patrons interrupting it. I looked over at him, seeing him watching me, and I felt bad for ruining the mood. “Sorry to be such a downer.” I tried to laugh it off a bit but it was definitely forced.

“Don’t be. Like you said shit happens. You’re here now, right? Dynamic duo back together again. I’ll show you better stuff than that tourist shit.” He split the rest of the beer he had in his glass between us then held it up for me to clink mine against. “Kanpai.”

I repeated the saying and we both swallowed back the golden liquid. “Anyway, after I went back, i finished high school, went to college. Got an office job. You know.”

“Wow, living the boring ass American dream, huh? You got a scrawny white boyfriend to go along with that?”

“Yuto!” I chucked an end piece of beef at him, watching it bounce of his chest and into his lap. He tossed it into his mouth and laughed.

“What? Asians do it better I’m just saying.” He finished off his beer, a smirk resting on his lips as he drank. His eyes locked onto mine and i couldn’t help the blush that creeped onto my face.

“I’ve been free from your annoying ass for years and this is what I get as soon as I come back? Wonderful.”

He rested his elbows on the table leaning towards me a little. “You can get a little more. It’s early, there’s still plenty to do.”

“Like what? You gonna take me to some like kinky Japanese sex club?” I joked.

“If you want to. I have no problem with that. What kinks are you into?”

“Oh my god, i was joking!” I hid my face behind my hands to try and cover up how much redder it was getting. All Yuto did was laugh at me, making me even more embarrassed.

“Me too, I’ll take you to my shop if you want. I got some of my guys there working but I wouldn’t mind taking you to see it.”

“Your shop? Like you own it?”

“Yep. Why? You don’t think I could be a successful business man?” He laughed.

“No...no. I mean...I’m proud of you. Look at you having your shit together, Adachi.”

“Hah! Barely. That’s a fun thought though.” He stood up from his chair and nodded at me to head over to the cashier for us to check out. He pushed my hand away when I offered to pay and instead handed over his card. I didn’t protest much, pretending that i didn’t enjoy free food or when men paid for it. We exited the restaurant and started walking down the streets that were less crowded in the area. All of our careless times together came up. The laughs we had over watching variety shows and anime together in his dark, hole in the wall bedroom. The few times our hands intertwined and the barely there kisses we were too afraid to ever mention. Yuto had always made my heart pound and even now there wasn’t a difference. I watched as he pressed a cigarette between his lips stopping just for a second to light it. I would be definitely pretending if I said that I wasn’t attracted to his bad boy persona. The way he carried himself- defensive yet protective, angry yet passionate, rough yet sensitive, all of those feelings from the past kept rushing back.

When we arrived at his shop there were a few customers towards the back, only separated by small wall barriers. The rest of his crew were in front, laughing over a few beers and practically cheering when he came in. He greeted them with hand slaps and awkward bro hugs while i surveyed the shop. It was cute. The setup seemed more personal rather than stuck up and like a doctor’s office. I overheard some of the guys talking about me, saying not so subtle pervy statements which Yuto shut down immediately. I pretended like I didn’t know a damn thing and let Yuto take my hand and steer me away from them. “Sorry, they’re all idiots.”

I shrugged, laughing a bit. “Don’t worry, I’m just the stupid foreigner. I’m none the wiser.”

“C’mon, don’t say that. You know I don’t think of you that way.” He kissed the back of my hand, deterring my quip. “Do you want to see my office?”

“Yeah, let me see where you work your magic.”

He unlocked a door to the left of us and lead me in. The space was much wider than the rest of the tattooing area and covered in framed artwork that he had done. He had only improved since years past, creating perfect masterpieces of contrasting light, crisp lines, and delicate details. It took my breath away. “Holy fuck.” Was the only way I could of expressing myself.

“What?” He chuckled. “Are the walls too full Does it seem claustrophobic?”

“No, i was actually amazed by your art. You’ve gotten even better since high school. They’re so good.”

“Ehh, it’s nothing fancy. Just kind of how I like to center myself, better than getting in trouble. My office is like my home away from home. Even though my apartment is above the shop.”

I circled around the tattooing bed and peeked into his cabinets of supplies. “Have you ever...fucked anyone here?” I asked cheekily.

“What? No way! One, that’s not sterile. Two, i could lose my license. Three, that’s just gross. Besides, I’m not an out in the open kind of guy. If i’m going to do something it sure as hell wouldnt be in here. Don’t be a perv.”

“I’m joking!” I hit his chest playfully. “I’m just curious about the man you’ve become.”

“What kind of man do you think I am?”

I plastered myself against one of the undecorated walls and stared down at my feet. “I don’t know. I know you’re still caring. And still a trouble maker. And...possibly still a good kisser too.”

“A good kisser? I barely knew what I was doing when we first kissed!”

“It was still nice! It was soft and slow. I liked that.”

He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the counter of his supply space. “Do you...want to maybe find out if i’ve improved?”

“I don’t know. You tell me. We’re bad at flirting.” We both smiled as he stepped closer to me, cupping my face in his hand. He was slow to lower his lips to mine but when he did i clutched onto his shirt, pulling him flush against me. I was crushed between him and the wall, not protesting at all as I liked how strong and sturdy he felt. It was only mere seconds before our kiss got hungrier, deeper, and filled with long overdue moans that drove us wild. We only broke apart to catch our breaths that felt like they had been held for ages.

“Wow…” I whispered.

“What’s the verdict?”

“Definitely still good.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him in for another round. His large hands grabbed onto my waist, gripping as tightly as he could and accidentally crashed us into the counter. I felt the corner jab into my back and winced in pain. “Ow! Fuck!”

“Shit! Sorry! Sorry!” He looked around the still tight space. “This isn’t going to work out. Do you maybe want to go upstairs? To my place?”

I smiled a big lovey dovey dopey smile, all giggles and giddiness at the prospect of us finally being together. I nodded quickly and he grabbed onto my hand, pulling me out of the office. We tried to slip away as quietly as we could to Yuto’s apartment, not wanting to let his coworkers see us leave though a few teasing whistles followed us as we went up the flight of stairs. When we arrived at the door, he smoothly set the key in the lock and turned it. His hands weren't shaking at all but it felt like my entire body was rattling in anticipation. Once inside I could barely see as the apartment was so dark. Only haphazardly thrown city lights that fell through the window illuminating the sparsely decorated space. The lack of light didn't bother me much as I would much rather feel my way over his body. I expected him to take control, maybe push me up against the door or wall, pick me up and toss me on the bed, but he just stood there.

His weight shuffled between each foot as his gaze was more occupied by the carpet than me. "Yuto? Are you ok?" I whispered. For some reason it felt like I shouldn't startle him.

"What? Oh, yeah, i-i am…"

"You're not really doing anything...Do you not want to anymore?"

"N-no! No! I do! It's just that…" He sighed and looked like he wanted to shrink away. "I got nervous all of a sudden."

I knew Yuto had a soft side but I felt like he had been so confident back at the restaurant. His nervousness now shocked me. "Nervous? Why?"

"It's been so long. We've...I'm sure we've both wanted this since we were teenagers and now that you're here I don't want to fuck this up."

"What makes you think you will?! Yuto…" I pulled him close to me by his hands. "Yuto...don't think that, ok?" I placed soft kisses on his lips while feeding him comforting words. I didn't want him to feel pressured into perfection. I much preferred us to have a good time and not think about all the events that culminated up to this moment. We never thought that this chance encounter would happen or that we would end up in each other's arms again but now that we were it seemed more like a fantasy than reality. "Just give me you. It's all I want."

He pressed his forehead against mine and held onto my waist once more. "But I want it to be. I want it to be perfect."

"No, don't do that to yourself. I care about us making each other feel good, ok? That's all I want, swear it. Let me make you feel good."

He nodded with a heavy sigh, still a bit tentative. I decided to take over, hoping that catering to him would ease his nerves and spark that bit of confidence in him again. I shifted our positions so that his back was now against the wall as I caressed his chest and covered him in more kisses. Through the desperate battle of our lips I managed to slip my hands under the hem of his shirt and shuffle it upwards. He pulled it off by the collar, tossing it somewhere beside us while I became completely entranced by his toned body. The tight v neck he had worn left nothing to the imagination but seeing every inch of his torso uncovered was much more pleasurable than having a fabric barrier between us. 

I worked my hands over every dip and striation in his muscles before lowering myself slowly, winding kissing in a heated trail down to the waistband of his jeans. When I was on my knees looking up at him, he seemed to want to protest. He gripped onto my shoulder and pushed against me ever so slightly. I ignored him, shoving his hand aside, as I busied myself with unbuttoning his jeans and pulling them down to the middle of his thighs. With just enough room to expose the front of his underwear, i began to tease him with coy licks through the fabric. He let out a shaky breath as I started to increase the length of my licks flowing over the beginnings of his hardening cock. I felt the tension in his thighs finally dissipate and with him relaxing more I eased my mouth over his head and sucked slowly.

His large hand pressed into the back of my skull, not too rough or hard but enough to signal that he wanted more. I moved his underwear down to rest above his jeans, licking my lips as I saw him. I bit my lip for just a second, thinking of all the possibilities of what he would make me feel. I wanted to see his full potential and with that I wrapped my lips around him once more, guiding him so he filled my mouth. I increased the speed of my sucks, hollowing out my cheeks and gripping his base loosely. His hips worked against me, creating a flowing rhythm that coaxed soft, deep moans from him. His voice was like silk; a sensual melody that made goosebumps spread across my arms. I had always had a secret attraction to his voice but hearing it in this manner had me pressing my thighs together.

His fingertips dug into my scalp as his fingers clenched harder around my hair. His thrusts were becoming greedier as he arched his body from the wall. I looked up at him at the same moment he had happened to look down at me. Though i was hard to flex my occupied mouth into a smile, I was sure he could at least see how much I was beaming. He let out a small gasp and turned away then, shying away again. I released him, licking my lips to clear the saliva linked between us. I fisted my hand over his shaft instead, working tight strokes over his length. “Are you going to be shy all night, Mr. Beefy Tattoo Artist Man?”

“S-shut up.” He grumbled. “I’m not shy…”

I tried to hide my giggle as much as possible, knowing he was trying to keep up his tough act and failing miserably. I gave his tip as quick kiss before I rose to my feet. “I think the blush on your cheeks say otherwise.” I teased as I grabbed his hand. I tugged him forward, working my way through his apartment in search of his bedroom.

He ignored my little taunt and instead guided me in the direction of his room, all while trying to keep his pants up. I opened the door and he let my hand go to head over to the small lamp by his bed. He flicked it on and kicked off his jeans before plopping down on the mattress. He reclined back on his arms, legs slightly open and gave me the once over. “I don’t think it’s fair that you’re still dressed.”

“Oh? You dont?” I chuckled. “Does that mean I should do one of those cheesy strip teases where I toss my bra at you?”

“No way!” A big grin crossed his face as he grabbed onto my wrist and yanked me to stand between his thighs. “You’re such a dork, you know that?.”

I pushed his long jet black bangs away from his face and kissed his forehead. “Well, duh. Wait,” A question suddenly popped into my train of thought. “Do you still watch One Piece?”

“We’re about to fuck and that’s what you ask me?” He said, incredulously.

“I’m just curious! I dont know...I remembered when we were in your room and we were watching it together and I gave you the phone charm. And then we had our first kiss.” I shrugged meekly and buried my head in his chest. I was now tha one who was embarrassed that I had brought up such a dumb question at a time like this.

He kissed the top of my head and chuckled. “Trust me, I’ve never forgotten that day. And to answer your question, yes I still do.”

“Is it still on tv?!”

“Not really but the manga continued so i read that online. It’s never gonna stop, I swear. I think theres like over 800 chapters or something.”

“Who goes on that many pirate adventures?! Why in the world would-” I stopped myself as I realized if I kept talking we were going to end up on a tirade about anime. “Sorry, this isn’t really the best dirty talk, huh?”

He smiled and ran his hands over my hips. “Honestly, you’re still turning me on. I’m not that great at dirty talk anyway. I think I sound weird. I like having a nice conversation instead. Takes away from me feeling so tense.” He slipped a couple of fingers beneath my chin, raising my head to feed me a round of kisses. This time they were a bit more gentler, slower even. My heart warmed at his tenderness, fluttering a bit when the tip of his tongue grazed against my bottom lips as if he was asking for permission to deepen the kiss. I parted my lips and leaned into him more. He lowered himself back on the mattress, letting me straddle his hips and give him room to slide his hands beneath my shirt. His brushed his hands up and down my sides, flowing upwards every so often to cup my breasts and knead them within his long fingers. I tried to bite back a small moan but it escaped into his mouth and caused a chain reaction of sensations. His hips bucked up between my thighs and I could feel his hardness against the center of my jeans. His thumbs trapped my nipples in a small and tantalizing pinch and his teeth sunk into my lip and tugged on it slightly.

“Take this off.” He whispered against my jaw that he began to turn his attention to. He grabbed at my shirt and i sat back on his hips, separating us for a moment to pull it over my head. My bra came next, letting me be completely open to stare at. He used his strength to toss me down, hovering over me this time. With my body now more exposed for him, his tongue was much more enthusiastic about sliding over my chest and capturing my nipple between his lips. I eased into a sigh, falling into the bliss of the simplistic movement. His fingers trickled down my stomach before hooking onto the button of my jeans. He flicked it open and slid the zipper down to give space for his hand to fall beneath my panties. I inched my legs apart more and set one hand on the back of his head and the other to hold onto his broad shoulder. I felt his middle finger move between my lower lips, stroking the length of it and coming back to circle around my clit. I breathed out his name as my nails sunk into his skin, trying to ground myself into reality before I lost it completely.

"This ok?" He murmured once his lips left one of my nipples. I found it strange that he was checking in on me- no one had really done that for me before, especially when going so slow.

"Ah...um, yeah. Why wouldn't it be?" I asked.

He hid behind his bangs that had fallen over his forehead again. "I don't know," he shrugged. "Just figured I'd ask."

"I swear I'm ok. I'm not a delicate flower, you should know that by now." I joked.

"Yeah, don't punch me in the nose please."

"You're the one who taught me how to fight anyway." We smiled as I gripped onto my underwear and jeans and slid them off. "This is better. More room for your big ass hand and long fingers."

"A-ah...well…"

I hooked my leg around his waist and set his hand back between my thighs. "Keep going...please."

He sighed softly and slipped back into his motions, coating his fingers with my cum and working long strokes over me. I wiggled my hips in time with him, creating more heated friction that made my stomach clench. Soon enough he pushed a solitary finger inside, pressing me open just a bit and curling against my sensitive walls. I could feel his eyes raking over me; the way my back arched and hands flowed over my chest. A rumble came from deep within his throat and suddenly I could feel his breath ghosting over my clit. The heat of his tongue enveloped me while his finger still worked away, another one being added to the mix. I moved one of my hands to grip his hair, wanting his tongue to be engraved into my skin. He was cautious with his licks too, easing the tip of his tongue up and down almost in time with his fingers. I had never been blessed with someone as attentive as him. Every detail mattered.

His knuckles nudged against my entrance, signaling that all of the length of his fingers was inside me. The tips of his fingers were circling around an extremely delicate area which made a shrill moan escape me. It was similar to a childish squeak and I didn’t know that I could even make that sound, let alone embarrass myself even further. I felt him chuckle against me in a self satisfactory and smug kind of way. I tugged on his hair as a little payback and instead of a protest I got a little growl from him. Fever washed over me like a torrid wave, flowing with the tease of an orgasm. My thighs clamped around his head, making me feel like I was suffocating him but I couldnt help it. Gone was my sense of coherence as his tongue wiggled its way in beside his fingers and made me lose control. My legs tensed around him tighter, my fingers dug into his scalp, and my breath was completely gone. I felt him tap the side of my thigh as he wanted release. I eased myself down and unlocked my vice grip on him, allowing him to surface again.

“You trying to kill me?” He chuckled as he licked his lips.

“S-sorry.” I panted. “I couldn’t help it!”

He crawled on top of me, only lowering his head for a kiss. “Well, i’m glad you enjoyed it, babe. I could probably get used to suffocating between your thighs anyhow.”

I smushed his head away playfully and turned onto my stomach. "Get out of here!"

"Now who's the shy one?" I felt him work kisses down my spine, swirling patterns into my skin every few vertebrae. His hands smoothed over my hips, gently rubbing over them before cupping my ass.

"I'm not being shy!" I said, slightly muffled by the pillow I was gripping onto. "You're just...hmm…" I tried to wiggle away but he wrapped his arms around my ribcage and held me against his chest. I could feel his hardness poking at the junction of my thighs, teasing me with its subtle throbbing and neediness.

"I'm what?" He squeezed me tighter as he buried his face in my neck, distracting me with pecks.

"You're just...you know...good. You feel good. You feel like how I always dreamt you would." I slid my hand over his and intertwined our fingers tightly.

"I could say the same about you. Though you feel way way way more amazing." He kissed the back of my hand and pulled away for a moment to reach under his bed.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Getting a condom from my bin, why?"

"Why is it under your bed?!" I nudged him.

"It's my secret stash, okay! Leave me alone." He laughed and sat back up on the bed as he ripped open the foil.

"Who are you keeping secrets from, huh?" I asked as I booped his nose.

"No one! I told you I don’t like being out in the open!" He wrinkled his nose and shifted away from me to pull the condom on.

"Oh? What kind of other stuff you got in there, huh? Let me see!" I dove forward and tried to take a peek under his bed but Yuto grabbed me and pinned me down, using all his weight on top of me.

"Dont be such a pain in the ass!"

I nudged my ass back against him, giving it a little wiggle. "Maybe i like being a pain in the ass!" I teased. It was fun having banter like this. It felt so natural; i was with my best friend after all. We were all too comfortable with each other and that made every passing moment, every giggle, every kiss and squeeze all the better. I was still laughing but Yuto had quieted down. Instead of poking fun, his hands wrapped around my hipbones. He jerked my body onto its knees and i could feel him sliding through the wetness he had created. I pursed my lips, instantly shutting up as my breath stilled. My eyes fluttered shut, closing out the rest of the world and only focusing on him. I could no longer hear the buzzing of tattoo machines downstairs or how loud his coworkers laughed. Yuto's soft whispers of praises were the only thing floating around my head.

He splayed one of his hands on my lower back, adding just a bit of force so i dipped my stomach towards the bed. His other hand nudged between us to line himself up with my awaiting eagerness, guiding his head in. We both sucked in a harsh breath that seemed to be held until he was full seated inside. Neither of us moved; it was as if time had stopped and both of us hadnt changed. "Y-you ok?" His voice was barely a whisper.

"Ye-yeah. It's fine. Totally fine." I looked back at him over my shoulder. "Go ahead and move.”

He nodded, accepting my permission. His thighs wedged between my own, forcing my legs apart wider. He pulled back, readying his first thrust and when he returned it was like i could feel every inch within the pit of my stomach. My fingers clenched around the pillow as I was stunned by how deep he was getting. Even with such little time connected together I could feel my nerves rocketing under my skin. Something about the way his hands seemingly never wanted to leave my body or the way he kept forcing my hips back against him to keep the perfect rhythm between us was making me a frenzied mess. Every slam of my ass against his hips was like heaven, which seemed silly for me to say. The past men in my life were selfish and nothing to brag about. But with Yuto it was like he was worshiping me, treating me like a queen who deserved to feel nothing but pleasure.

I shuddered when I felt his lips ghost over my spine. He kissed each vertebrae as he made his way up towards my neck when his lips resided against my ear. The softness of his labored breaths filled my eardrum and made me freeze under him. “I cant believe you feel this good.” His voice was trembling slightly as he worked through his thrusts, his bashfulness surfacing again. He had pockets of confidence but more waves of shyness which was how he always was. A defender and fighter for me and for himself but the softest angel beneath. Perhaps that was what made me fall in love in the first place.

“Years of thinking about you just like this probably gave me some practice.” I chortled but still was completely serious.

“You thought about me when you touched yourself?” He asked, astonished.

“Almost always, though it was a bit hard to picture what you looked like as an adult. I was able to still imagine what you would feel like. But you beat my expectations.” I bit onto my bottom lip as i rolled myself back against him, the tip of his cock teasing the beginnings of my entrance just a bit.

“You thought about the way I’d feel right here?” His hand pressed against my lower stomach, pairing with a swift thrust. “Or maybe here?” He traversed lower to circle the pads of his fingertips over my clit bringing a sharp gasp out of me. I nodded, pathetically admitting more to my dirty little secret that only seemed to entice him more. “I like that...:” His deep voice was accompanied by a long lick to the shell of my ear. His teeth dug into the tender cartilage, a hidden turn on of mine. His movements became stronger and it felt as if the bed was shifting beneath us. I pulled the pillow taught against my chest, clutching onto it for dear life as if it would keep me grounded and hold out long enough for a full explosion of desire. Through his sturdy plunges his fingers remained giving attention to my sensitive bud, a bit haphazard but still focused enough to make my toes plant themselves into the mattress. I brought my hand down to cover his, guiding him into the motions that I wanted a bit better. All the attention was making me a puddle of lust that was ready to dive headfirst into losing control.

“Yuto.” I whimpered. “P-please…”

He stopped suddenly and pulled away before shifting me onto my back. He grabbed my jaw firmly, forcing me to look at him. “I want to see you when you do.”

My eyes widened in surprise as his erotic statement, never expecting him to utter such a thing. A small smirk crossed his lips which folded over mine, prying into my mouth and bringing our tongues together. He shifted himself to fall back into my heat while his hand left my face and tangled our fingers together. I squeezed his hand and wrapped my legs around his torso as beads of sweat formed at my temples. He was everything I needed in this moment, or rather my life but i wasnt sure how to face those feelings yet. In two weeks I would leave but now I had a reason to stay. I couldn’t leave for fear of not seeing him for another ten years. Tears prickled behind my eyelids and i tried to will them away. I couldn’t be enveloped by sadness when i was the happiest i’ve ever been.

Yuto left my lips with a small nibble and moved his kisses down to my chest. He infused the valley between my breasts with rushed presses, shifting to wraps his lips around my nipple again and suck deeply. My body arched into his, falling into temptation as my thighs squeezed his torso. His free hand cupped my other breast, pinching the nipple to life. I wrapped my arm under his, my fingers extending over the muscles that rippled beneath his skin with every thrust he made. The swelling of his hardness only stretched me further, making me clamp down and force him to work through the tightness. His lips left my chest only to utter my name in a staggered breath. He lifted his head to see my eyes flutter close. His thumb returned to my clit, more vigorous in its fevered circles but not having to work long before i gave in. Everything rushed out of me; tension, my orgasm, my breath, his name. It was all gone in seconds and his gaze never left me. He placed a kiss on my forehead before burying himself in my neck. 

He slipped his arm across my lower back, lifting my hips while i propped myself on my elbows. He rutted his hips in rough circles, gaining speed as he got closer to his own orgasm. Him fucking me just like this was a perfect contrast to us making love and the most delicious ending to our night. I held his head against my neck, nesting my fingers in his hair and assuring him that I wanted him to cum for me, cum hard and cum fast. His hold on me tightened and i was suddenly filled with heat spreading within me. We stayed together for a bit, holding onto each other before the fatigue set in big time. Slowly, we eased onto our backs, laying beside one another with our hands still being held between us.

“Damn,” Yuto chuckled. “You’re making me wish you could stay here forever.”

The sad realization returned and i let go of him to try and distance the feelings that were wedged between us. “I’m only here for two weeks…”

“Yeah? Well at least that’s two weeks of us...you know.” He gave me a wink but noticed my somber demeanor. “What’s wrong?”

“Yuto, I…” I took a deep breath and barely wanted to exhale. “I’ve been in love with you since we were kids. During the decade we were apart I tried to love other people but you were always in the back of my mind. I’m not sure if it was the same for you but now that we’ve somehow met again I don’t know what to do. When i go back home I’ll just miss you again.”

“I didn’t really want to think about this because it hurts too much. I don’t know what to do either. I want you here but we both have lives in different parts of the world. I can’t ask you to up and leave just to be with me. And i have my business here.”

“We’d be so far apart. What if I don’t see you again for another decade?” I sniffled.

“Babe,” He sighed and pulled me to him. “I won’t let that happen. Not again. Our parents aren’t hovering above us anymore. We’re free now. It will be hard but...if you want it then let’s do it.”

“I do want it but...i’m scared.”

“Scared? Of what?”

“Of losing you. I have no idea when I’ll see you again.”

“You don’t have to worry about that.” He said. “Remember how I fought for you all those years ago? Nothing’s changed. I wont ever let you go.”

[coeurvrai]

Bryce complains about the matching tattoos that she and Danika got while she was drunk. She mentions that because Danika is a fully-blooded shifter or Vanir, she heals faster than her, who is half-Vanir because she’s half-Fae. I still don’t know why she’s using Vanir, of all the terms, but this is what the world is now.

Danika wants to use the showers downstairs in the archives. 

“What is that on you?”

Danika scowled, the angular planes of her face scrunching. “I had to break up a fight between a satyr and a nightstalker.” She bared her white teeth at the black substance crusting her hands. “Guess which one spewed its juices onto me.”

Bryce snorted and gestured to the archives door. “Shower’s yours. There are some clean clothes in the bottom drawer of the desk down there.”

I love how Maas has that whole glossary in the front and then just throws in more creatures because why include them when you can just- not. Like we haven’t even met half of the species on that list and now we’re gonna have to add more to it. Also, is a nightstalker something else or is a nightstalker slang for a vampire, or “vampyr” in this case?

Also okay, the oil-y ammonia liquid on her is like blood or saliva or something. Then what the hell is the streaks of sapphires, amethysts, and roses?

Danika has a tattoo on her neck of a horned, grinning wolf that signifies that she is apart of the “Pack of Devils”. I am rolling my eyes and I am so sorry to 10 year old me and my obsession with wolves and werewolves. Apparently the sword Danika carries is famous. Bryce makes unrelated comments about the gallery’s generator.

Bryce had always wondered why Jesiba bothered with an old-fashioned generator—until the citywide firstlight outage last week. When the power had failed, only the generator had kept the mechanical locks in place during the looting that followed, when creeps had rushed in from the Meat Market, bombarding the gallery’s front door with counterspells to break through the enchantments.

Also maybe it’s just me and also the fact that I don’t live in a world full of fantasy creatures but I haven’t heard of people looting during power outages. But hey, Jesiba seems like the type of witch to lean towards old-fashioned practical solutions. Don’t fix it if it ain’t broken kind of deal.

Anyways, Bryce gets back on topic and infers that Danika is meeting with the people in charge of the city.

In the five years since they’d met as freshmen at Crescent City University, Bryce could count on one hand the number of times Danika had been called in for a meeting with the seven people important enough to merit a shower and change of clothes. Even while delivering reports to Danika’s grandfather, the Prime of the Valbaran wolves, and to Sabine, her mother, Danika usually wore that leather jacket, jeans, and whatever vintage band T-shirt wasn’t dirty.

Of course, it pissed off Sabine to no end, but everything about Danika—and Bryce—pissed off the Alpha of the Scythe Moon Pack, chief among the shifter units in the city’s Auxiliary.

Sabine or rather Sabina is a Roman name, I know that much. I am confused right now. She just mentioned that Danika is apart of “Pack of Devils”, is that just a nickname for the Scythe Moon pack or whatever? Also if Danika’s mum is the alpha, then what does that make her grandfather? What is a Prime? What are the Valbaran wolves? Is a Prime another word for city head? I am confusion.

Bryce goes on about Danika’s mother being her dad’s heir but Danika’s grandpa obviously favouring Danika by giving her the sword (that is a family heirloom) on her eighteenth birthday, over Danika’s mother. If you were wondering, Danika studied history with Bryce.

Danika turned, her caramel eyes shuttered. “Philip Briggs is being released today.”

Bryce started. “What?”

“They’re letting him go on some gods-damned technicality. Someone fucked up the paperwork. We’re getting the full update in the meeting.” She clenched her slim jaw, the glow from the firstlights in the glass sconces along the stairwell bouncing off her dirty hair. “It’s so fucked up.”

Bryce’s stomach churned. The human rebellion remained confined to the northern reaches of Pangera, the sprawling territory across the Haldren Sea, but Philip Briggs had done his best to bring it over to Valbara. “You and the pack busted him right in his little rebel bomb lab, though.”

There is something so comical to me about the phrase “she clenched her slim jaw”, like ah yes, it’s important that we know Danika has a slim jaw. But ofc we have humans rebelling because Maas lacks an original bone in her body. Also Valbara is the country/continent that they live on, I feel like that’s an important thing that should’ve been established in the map unless I’m just blind.

Danika tapped her booted foot on the green carpet. “Bureaucratic fucking nonsense.”

“He was going to blow up a club. You literally found his blueprints for blowing up the White Raven.” As one of the most popular nightclubs in the city, the loss of life would have been catastrophic. Briggs’s previous bombings had been smaller, but no less deadly, all designed to trigger a war between the humans and Vanir to match the one raging in Pangera’s colder climes. Briggs made no secret of his goal: a global conflict that would cost the lives of millions on either side. Lives that were expendable if it meant a possibility for humans to overthrow those who oppressed them—the magically gifted and long-lived Vanir and, above them, the Asteri, who ruled the planet Midgard from the Eternal City in Pangera.

But Danika and the Pack of Devils had stopped the plot. She’d busted Briggs and his top supporters, all part of the Keres rebels, and spared innocents from their brand of fanaticism.

THE HUMANS ARE OPPRESSED! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED IN THE HISTORY OF ACOTAR’S WORLDBUILDING, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

Also I don’t trust Maas to write terrorists or terrorism with grace, tact, and a lot of respect. Like, literally look at ACOTAR and TOG.

And apparently there are something called the Asteri, which is completely different to the Vanir, and the Eternal City is not Crescent City but is also something completely different. Also climes is a word, Google tells me, and all I can think is just... there are so many other words you could’ve used.

As one of the most elite shifter units in Crescent City’s Auxiliary, the Pack of Devils patrolled the Old Square, making sure drunken, handsy tourists didn’t become drunken, dead tourists when they approached the wrong person. Making sure the bars and cafés and music halls and shops stayed safe from whatever lowlife had crawled into town that day. And making sure people like Briggs were in prison.

Jesus christ, this is like RWBY all over again, where the only Faunus shown fighting back against systematic oppression were terrorists or former terrorists. Also I don’t get what auxiliary means. Or rather, I know what auxiliary means, but I don’t know what it’s supposed to be. Is it supposed to be related to the Roman auxiliary? Or are they really backup support? Are they police?

Anyways, we get a HUGE exposition dumb right at the start of this page, and just holy fuck, there is such a thing as too much worldbuilding.

She would. Even if Danika had to snarl in Micah Domitus’s face, she’d get her point across. There weren’t many who’d dare piss off the Archangel of Crescent City, but Danika wouldn’t hesitate. And given that all seven Heads of the City would be at this meeting, the odds of that happening were high. Things tended to escalate swiftly when they were in one room. There was little love lost between the six lower Heads in Crescent City, the metropolis formally known as Lunathion. Each Head controlled a specific part of the city: the Prime of the wolves in Moonwood, the Fae Autumn King in Five Roses, the Under-King in the Bone Quarter, the Viper Queen in the Meat Market, the Oracle in the Old Square, and the River Queen—who very rarely made an appearance—representing the House of Many Waters and her Blue Court far beneath the Istros River’s turquoise surface. She seldom deigned to leave it.

The humans in Asphodel Meadows had no Head. No seat at the table. Philip Briggs had found more than a few sympathizers because of it.

But Micah, Head of the Central Business District, ruled over them all. Beyond his city titles, he was Archangel of Valbara. Ruler of this entire fucking territory, and answerable only to the six Asteri in the Eternal City, the capital and beating heart of Pangera. Of the entire planet of Midgard. If anyone could keep Briggs in prison, it would be him.

There’s so much to unpack here, I literally don’t know where to start. So Danika’s grandfather is in charge of all the wolf shifters in the country apparently. But what about all the other types of shifters? Are there only wolf shifters? Is it because wolf shifters are the most common? If there are only wolf shifters, why wouldn’t you just call them fucking werewolves or whatever? Especially when you’ve had shapeshifters in your previous series *cough* LYSANDRA *cough*

Also some of these sound like titles to be inherited, while others sound like epithets. Are all titles inherited or are some elected? Also Bryce sounds so unsympathetic towards the humans’ cause, when she herself is half-human. Does her being half human affect her in any shape or form? Is she discriminated against because of it? Does she feel othered by both humans and Fae? Is her being half-Human, half-Fae at all plot relevant?

And what the fuck are Asteri?

Anyways, assisting Lehabah in protecting the books in the archives downstairs is a chimera named Syrinx that Bryce’s boss purchased. Danika and Lehabah engage in some banter and Lehabah mentions that she doesn’t wear clothes because “they don’t pair well when you’re made of flame”.

... the phone on the desk began ringing. She had a good idea who it would be.

Heels sinking into the plush carpeting, Bryce reached the phone before it went to audiomail, sparing herself a five-minute lecture. “Hi, Jesiba.”

A beautiful, lilting female voice answered, “Please tell Danika Fendyr that if she continues to use the supply closet as her own personal locker, I will turn her into a lizard.”

Audiomail? What the fuck is wrong with voicemail? Why use audiomail? It doesn’t make your worldbuilding any richer.

Anyways, that’s the end of the first chapter. It’s Fendyr instead of Fendir, bc I guess so Maas can claim she isn’t entirely reusing names, even though Fendir is the name of one of the wyverns in TOG.

[bbycal]

You’re so much more- CH

Word count: 1,920

Warnings: cursing, smut, the good shit

You weren’t entirely sure on where you were at with Calum. You guys have gone out, well once for coffee after a long night of partying, but have slept together on multiple occasions. We’re you just an easy lay for him or did he develop feelings like you had? These thoughts stayed on your mind as you drove over to Ashton’s house for the party the boys were throwing after a long and successful tour. You got a text late last night from Calum, expecting it to be about coming over for a quick lay after months apart but it was an invitation to the party, saying he missed seeing you and hoped you could make it. You spent most of the afternoon getting ready, making sure to wear something a little more revealing to quickly get his attention and hopefully keep it. You made sure to pull up to the house late, almost an hour late, checking your makeup one last time in the mirror and making your way to the door. As you walked in, you noticed it wasn’t to crowded and you knew most of the people there. You talked to a few, excusing yourself to find Calum. You started in the kitchen so you could grab a drink until you could find the boy you were looking for, almost bumping into Ashton who was walking in at the same time.

“Hey! You made it!” He grabbed your hand, pulling you towards the counter with all the alcohol and grabbing two cups.

“How have you been Ash? I’ve missed you guys!” You took a cup from his hand and started drinking.

“Good, so happy to be home for a little bit. I missed everyone and need a break from an airplane.” He laughed, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and leading you out of the kitchen. You guys walked through the living room, saying hello to Mike and Luke and sitting on the sofa. You’d been there for almost an hour and still hadn’t seen Calum, it wasn’t super crowded but Ash’s house was pretty big so you wondered where he could be. You stood up, making your way to the balcony and spotting the tall brunette talking to some people. Your eyes met his as you walked out, him stopping mid sentence and checking you out. He stalked over towards you, not saying a word as he wrapped his arm around your waist and pulling you into his chest.

“Hey Cal, I wondered where you were.” He pulled away but kept his hand on your waist.

“You we’re looking for me huh? How long have you been here?”

“About an hour, got caught talking to Ashton about tour. I missed you though.” You whispered the last part, not wanting everyone to hear. You guys didn’t keep it a secret that you were sleeping together, almost everyone knew, but you still didn’t know where you stood with Calum.

“I missed you love.” He slipped his hand down just above you butt, placing a kiss on the side of your head before pulling back and moving you guys back towards the group he was talking too. You stood with Calum for about 30 minutes, listening to the conversation and drinking whatever you had in your cup, feeling his hand slowly start to massage the small in your back. You drank what was left of your cup, pulling slightly away from Cal but wasn’t able to move to far before he tightened his grip, looking down at you confused.

“Outta drink, I’ll be back.”

“I’ll come with, I need to pee.” You guys excused yourselves and headed towards the kitchen while Calum went to the bathroom. You finished making yourself a drink, raising the cup go your lips as you felt a hand wrap around your waist, Calum placing a kiss on your cheek.

“Wanna get our of here, I’ve been wanting to take that dress off of you ever since you walked onto that balcony.” He whispered into your ear, before kissing at your neck.

“hhhmmmm, Cal. The party’s not over yet and people are staring.” You turned to face him while taking another drink.

“Let them, they already know I make you scream my name.” He smirked, grabbing the cup out of your hand and throwing it away before leading you towards the front door without saying goodbye.

It only took 10 minutes to get to his house and he was handsy the whole ride there. As soon as you arrived, you walked into his kitchen, sitting yourself at the table while he grabbed some water.

“So how bad did you miss me?” He walked over, squatting down in front of you while meeting your eyes. He placed his hands on your thighs causing your breathing to jolt as he slowly slid them up.

“Fuck Cal, so fucking much.” It came out as a moan, desperate for him to start something.

“Stand up for me love.” As soon as you were on your feet, he leaned down and connected you lips for a short kiss before he unzipped your dress and let it hit the floor.

“Sit down again.” You did as he said, pulling the chair out farther from the table and sitting back in it. He got back down in front of you, spreading your legs and started placing kisses on your inner thighs. He pulled away, grabbing the hem of your underwear and pulling them off of your body before spreading your thighs again. Your fingers threaded through his hair, slightly pulling him down to where you needed him the most. Calum ran his fingers down your pussy, teasing you a little and then pushing one inside of you, picking up a pace. You threw your head back as soft moans slipped your lips, his fingers sending you into pure ecstasy. He starts to pump his fingers faster, brushing his lips over your clit as you let out a load moan.

“Oh fuck, right there.” You moaned as he swiped his tongue over your wetness.

“So good for me love.” He slowed his pace before inserting another finger and pumping faster than before.

“So good Calum, so fucking good.” Your eyes roll back as you reach your climax, throbbing under his touch as he runs his tongue down you again. He stands up, grabbing your hand and leading you towards his bedroom. He shuts the door behind you, grabbing you by the waist and kissing you while slowly walking you backwards towards the bed.

“Sit for me love.” He says as he backs away, pulling his clothes off of his body. He walks over to you in just his boxers, standing in front of you so you can palm his hard on through the material. You gain a few small moans from him, stopping just long enough to pull his boxers off and grabbing his cock with your hands. You pumped a few times, licking the tip and teasing him slightly.

“Don’t tease love, fuck.” He got out through breathes. You took him into your mouth, letting the tip hit the back of your throat and holding it there for a couple to seconds. You looked up at him, pulling him out of your mouth and shoving him back in, bobbing your head and stroking the rest of him that you couldn’t fit into your mouth. Moans escaped his lips causing you to pick the pace as you felt his cock twitch in your mouth. After a few more minutes, you felt him release into the back of your throat, swallowing it and pulling Calum down on top of you. He lifts his head slightly, moving a hand to cup your breast. You threw your head back as he pinches your nipple between his thumb and index finger.

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful.” He says, meeting your eyes as he connects your lips. He moves his hand and pinches at the other nipple causing a you to moan into his mouth, using the opportunity to pull away, moving his lips down to your breast. His cock is out, pressing into your thigh causing the wetness to pool again. He moves to your other breast, lightly sucking and licking at your nipple. Your body is growing impatient, needing to feel him inside of you.

“Fuck me Cal, I need you to fuck me.” He doesn’t say anything, just hums against your breast as he runs his fingers over your clit and slowly starts rubbing circles over the swollen bud. You feel another orgasm creeping over your body, turning you into a moaning mess under him.

“CALUM FUCK.” You grab at his wrist, trying to get him to quicken his pace and listening to him lightly chuckle.

“Scream my name love, fuck you’re beautiful.” You feel yourself come undone with his words, him pulling his fingers from your clit to pump at his cock a couple of times. He lines himself up, slowly pushing himself fully in and then stopping so you can adjust to him. He starts to thrust into you faster, setting a pace as you reach down to run at your clit.

“fuck fuck fuck, oh fuck.” You grabbed onto the sheets with your free hands, arching your back up so he could get deeper inside of you. You could feel your third orgasm spilling over you, trying to steady your hand to make it last longer. You felt Calum bend down to place a hand on your back, flipping you over so you were now on top.

“I love watching you ride my cock love, oh fuck.” You kept the same speed, placing your hands on his chest to keep yourself upright. He moves his hands to your hips, digging his nails into your skin, throwing his head back. You leaned down, sucking slightly at his neck causing moans to fall of his lips. You loved hearing him moan your name, causing your orgasm to spill over you, slowing down your pace and riding it out. You laid down next to him, trying to catch your breath as you leaned into his side.

“That was so good Cal, I missed you so much.” You said, placing a kiss on his jaw.

“You have no idea how much I missed you. Sexting just wasn’t enough for me. Next time I go on tour, I’m taking you with me so u can make you cum in every city.” He pulled you closer, tightly wrapping his arm around your naked body.

“Taking me with huh? Wouldn’t it be weird for a random girl to be traveling with you guys?” His brows furrowed as he met your eyes.

“Random girl? You’re not just any girl love, you’re so much more than that. I’ve never felt this way about anyone else.” You smiled, kissing at his jaw again.

“What kind of way is that?”

“I don’t know, you’re getting to me I guess. I only want to wake up next to you in the morning. So what do you say? You wanna do this... with me?” You could tell he wasn’t used to these kind of conversations, causing you to laugh into his chest.

“Yes Calum, I would love to wake up next to you every morning.” You grabbed his face, pulling him in for a kiss. You moved your body so you were sitting up on his chest, pulling away while still holding his face,

“Another round in the shower?” You winked getting up and grabbing his hand, leading your boyfriend to the bathroom.

Tag list: @soulmatecashton @ghostsofhood @irwinofficial @dankpunks @glitterycalum @fuckngcal @calum5os @calumspeachy @crownedbyluke @jannimoeller3 @qualitylu @sublimehood @calumhiod @kinglyhood @mistletoekj 

[tommybaholland]

Useless (Doctor!Tom)

(an endearing gif that isn’t mine)

Summary: you don’t feel so well during tom’s night off

Word Count: 4.5K+ 

A/N: this is for @starksparker‘s 10K Writing Challenge congrats again! nothin special but this was based on something that happened to me last year, so pretty much everything is true, except, ya know, i don’t have a cute nurse bf who looks like tom holland.......

AU: Doctor!Tom

“What movie should we watch?” you called out to your boyfriend, while scrolling through the premium movies on demand.

“Uhh...you choose!” he called back from the kitchen.

You were getting ready to spend a evening in with Tom, who desperately needed it after so many long night shifts at the hospital. You had little time to spend with each other in you daily life, as you worked all day and he was usually gone by the time you got home. And he returned late at night, around 4 am, holding you close to him as you slept before you had to wake up early for your own work shift. But tonight he was all yours and you wanted to make sure it was a chill night with just you, him and Tessa.

You eventually landed on a particular film, clicking on it to start playing. “Tom, hurry up, movie’s starting!”

“Alright, hold on, I’m coming!”

He came around to join you and Tessa on the couch. He sighed in content as he got comfortable next to you, his arm coming arm your shoulder to pull you into his side. His other hand reached across your lap to smooth over Tessa’s head, which rested on your thigh.

“You’re such a good girl, Tess,” he quietly praised.

He then turned to focus on the tv screen, watching the opening Disney logo sequence. “What’re we watching, love?”

“The Incredibles,” you replied while shifting in your seat. You felt a small, sharp pain in your stomach, but you ignored it, thinking it would go away soon.

“Ah, nice. I haven’t seen this movie in ages,” he spoke quietly as the first scene started.

As the movie progressed, so did the pain in your stomach, which only intensified when you laughed at the funny scenes. You tried to keep them to small chuckles while you distracted yourself by listening to Tom’s hearty laugh, making you smile wide. You thrived off his laugh, enjoying this short night you had with him before returning to your day to day routine.

Once movie finished, it was already pretty late and you were tired after a long day at work. You and Tom went into your bedroom and got ready for bed. The pain in your stomach had diminished greatly, only feeling a barely-there cramping. 

You laid snuggled into the mattress on your side, ready to sleep, but your boyfriend was still wide awake, hopped up on his messed up sleep schedule. He came up right behind you, wrapping his arm around your middle, squishing you into him. He began placing light kisses into your neck, which turned into open-mouthed, loud smacks on your skin.

You giggled at his eagerness. “What’re you doing?”

He groaned into your skin. “God, I’ve missed you so much,” he mumbled. His hand began to wander, traveling from your stomach down to the band of your pajama shorts. You turned around in his arms just as his fingers began to dip into your panties, facing him with cheek pressed against his chest. You eyes fluttered closed at the feeling of his warm skin against yours, embracing him with one hand on his side and the other curled around to rub his back.

“‘M tired, Tommy, ‘m sorry.” You kissed his collarbone affectionately, letting him know you were thinking of him too. He continued his handsy antics, moving his hands down to your ass, smoothing over the fullness before giving your cheeks a squeeze.

“Tom,” you warned with a giggle. You looked up at his innocent face, pouting his lower lip.

“Please, babe? I jus’ wanna love on you,” he pleaded, lightly bumping his chin against your forehead.

“How bout this: if you wake up early enough, we can do something—slow and steamy in the morning?” You offered, pressing your lips into his jaw.

He quickly pushed you onto your back and kissing your forehead before collapsing on top of you, his head resting on your chest. “‘Night, love.”

You giggled at his accepting reaction to your offer, beginning to run your fingers through his hair.

“Goodnight, tommy.”

Tom smiled as he felt the vibration of your chest from your laugh against his cheek, plotting to wake up and get you to stay in bed with him all day after your early morning sexcapades.

Sharp, aching pains roused you from your slumber, making you clutch your stomach. You had shifted onto your side throughout the night, facing away from Tom. You checked your watch, watching the time light up.

2:33am.

You sighed, rubbing a hand over your face. You felt the pain intensify, sitting up and throwing your legs over the edge of the bed to make your way into the ensuite bathroom. You figured you were cramping from drinking too much water or eating too much Chinese food and just needed to relieve your stomach.

After about 10 minutes of just sitting on the john, you finally decided to give up and try to go back to sleep. You got off the toilet and padded back over to the bed, crawling back into bed next to Tom. You could still feel the intense pains, clutching your arms over your midsection as you sat upright on the mattress, trying to alleviate the pain.

You feel movement behind you as tom grasps your shirt, lightly tugging.

“What’s wrong, darling?” He asks, his voice groggy with sleep.

“Nothing,” you assure quietly as you lay down on your back. “My stomach just hurts a bit.”

He hummed in response, scooting closer to you, placing his head on your shoulder and his hand on top of your abdomen to rub small circles.

You felt another aching pain rip through your midsection, letting out a quiet groan of discomfort. You turned onto your side, facing away from Tom, curling your body into a fetal position. Tom felt your erratic, shifty movements, sitting up onto his forearm with a hand on your shoulder.

“You sure you’re alright?” He asked again, his voice riddled with concern.

“Yeah, uh, i’ve had pains like these before. Probably just cramps, they’ll go away eventually.”

He pulled his body closer to yours, smoothing his hand down your side and over to the front of your stomach again. He put light pressure on it but was careful not to intensify your pain as he snuggled his nose into your hair.

“I’ll stay awake until you fall asleep,” he whispered, his lovely voice soothing your eyes closed.

You tried to relax, feeling the warm of his skin radiate through the fabric of your shirt and lull you to sleep, but the pain only became more intense. Tom feel your breathing become more labored, the exhales seeming to force themselves out.

You open your eyes and watch as they adjust to the dark room, seeing the outline of your water bottle on the nightstand. You reach your hand out, moaning as your body stretched to grab the bottle. Tom lifted his head up as you moved, watching you grab the bottle and bring it up to your lips for a few sips. 

You could feel the cool liquid move into your stomach and sit there as if you had just eaten a whole meal. You turned around on your back, putting your hands beside you to fully straighten up in a sitting position. Tom mirrored your movements, sitting close beside you. He rubbed your back as you held your arms in front of your stomach, almost doubled over in pain.

“I can take you to the hospital if it’s really bothering you, love,” he offered.

“No, no. I’m fine, really.” You turned to him with a toothless smile, trying to tolerate through the pain.

“Was it something you ate, maybe?”  

You thought back to when you ordered Chinese take-out, requesting your favorite spicy pad thai and fried rice. But you had never been sick from it before and it had been awhile since you had digested it so it seemed strange to consider as a suspect.

You shook your head before responding further. “Its—ughf—”

You suddenly felt a warm, sour taste creep into your mouth, a wave of nausea coming over you.

You hastily got out of bed and swiftly made your way into the ensuite bathroom, where you leaned over the toilet to dry heave. Tom quickly hopped out of bed to join you in the bathroom, trying to hold your hair back as you wretched. The water that you drank minutes earlier had made its way up, along with some sick, slightly green bile-like substance. You leaned back up, wiping your mouth as you and Tom assessed what was in the bowl.

“Looks like it wasn’t what you ate,” he notes. “Do you feel any better?”

“Seems like it,” you answered, feeling the pain subside.

He face softened at the warmth in your cheeks, wrapping his arms around your shoulders to pull you into his chest. “You’re very warm, love.”

You let out a labored sigh as you felt the pain intensify while in his embrace, your nails grazing his sides as you returned the affection.

He rubbed your back as he pulled away, guiding you back to bed. “C’mere, let’s go back to sleep.”

He climbs back into bed with you, but notices your careful movements. You shifted in your spot, trying to get comfortable with the aching that sourced from behind your navel, and was slowly moving to your right side.

“Is it back again?”

You hummed in affirmation, doubling over in your seat again. Tom winces at your deep breathing and pained exhales. He patted at your pillow, getting your attention.

“Here, can you lie back for me. I just want to check something, babe.”

You complied, your head feeling to the softness of your pillow as you laid on your back with your arms still over your stomach. He grabbed your wrists to gently push your hands up so he could pull your shirt up, exposing your midriff. You held your shirt up under your breasts, as his warm hands touched your soft skin.

“Does this hurt?” he asked, lightly pressing into the left side of your abdomen. You said no, allowing him to press higher up, near your hands.

“Here?” Once again, you shook your head.

He pressed near the center, by your bellybutton, which made your breath hitch as he got closer to the pain. He raised his brows at your reaction.

“It’s there, behind my bellybutton,” you confirmed.

“What about here?” He moved to the right, parallel to your navel, making you moan again in pain. Tom’s face dropped at your reaction, possibilities starting to form in his head. “Love, I think–”

He didn’t finish as you began to feel nauseous again, rolling out of the bed again to the bathroom. You dry heaved some more until the same slightly green tinged bile came up once again. Tom comes over to you again, frowning at your heavy breathing once you stopped heaving.

“I think you need to go to the hospital,” he declared, smoothing down your hair.

Tears sprang into your eyes. The pain seemed relentless, but you had never had a serious medical concern like this before, making you hesitate about going with him.

“I-It hurts b-but I don’t wanna go and then find out i-it’s n-nothing,” you admitted, your voice wracked with sobs.  

It pained Tom’s heart to see you like this. “I know it’s scary, darling. But I hate seeing you like this and I don’t think this is nothing. I want you to feel better,” he cooed, pulling you into him again. You sobbed into his bare shoulder, wiping at your cheeks and sniffling.

“On a scale of one to ten, how bad is the pain?”

The pain had subsided slightly but it was still present in your gut. “Seven,” you answered, looking up at him.

“Alright, well, it’s your choice but if it’s seven out of ten pain and not going away, I think you should go,” he explained.

You tore your gaze away from him, thinking about your situation. You nodded moments later, concluding that there was no other option. He nodded with you in confirmation. “We’re going to the hospital, okay?” He asked rhetorically as you nodded with a blank look on your face. He pouted at your vacant feature, bringing his hands up to your warm face. “Awh, you’re gonna be okay,” he cooed, pinching your cheeks lightly.

A soft smile grew on your face as you swatted his hands away. He pressed a hand into your back to lead you back into the room, sitting you on the edge of the bed before sauntering over to the open closet.

“I’m gonna throw a shirt and some shoes on and then we can go. Do you want to bring anything with you, sweetheart?”

You sniffled, standing up to slip on some slides. “No,” you replied in a small voice. You grabbed your phone and wallet and looked over to see him, now clothed in a hoodie, grabbing his car keys.

He focused his attention back on you. “Ready?”

You nodded, holding your arms in front of your middle. “Okay, let’s go, darling.”

He led you out into the car and drove at a gentle but quick pace despite your apartment being only less than 10 minutes away from the hospital. He pulled up to the emergency valet, parking the car right there. You slowly unbuckled your seatbelt and opened the door, feeling drained and lethargic from what your body was doing to you. Tom was quick to get out and hold the door open for you as you got out.

Tom leads you into the emergency room with a hand on the small of your back. The next half hour was all a blur to you, the lack of sleep catching up with you. Now you were sat in a bed with a bracelet indicating your name and date of birth hanging off your wrist and an IV poking out of your arm. Tom was nowhere to be see, he must have gone back out to park the car properly.

You sat there by yourself for what felt like forever, zoning in and out. The pain in your stomach was still at bay, but you could occasionally feel some harsh ripples. A doctor eventually came back to ask you about your symptoms and explain what tests they were going to run, the first being an ultrasound. He also explained a CT scan process and that you would have to drink contrast before going through the scan.

The contrast solution was delivered to you in a large bowl with a straw sticking the top shortly after he left, which they tried to dilute with many ice cubes. At first you were hesitant to drink it, afraid that you would only throw up again until the nurse pumped some nausea medicine in the pique line where your IV fluids were administered. Soon someone came to get you to take you to the ultrasound, holding your cup of contrast as they urged you to keep drinking it.

Tom still hadn’t returned by the time you were wheeled out of the emergency room and down many hallways until you reached a room with an exam table and a machine. The nurse wheeled you in where you handed her your cup of contrast and laid down on the table, pulling up your shirt like you had for Tom earlier.

“This is going to feel a little cold,” she explained as she squeezed a cool liquid under your bellybutton and began pressing the viewer over top of the substance. She asked you where in hurt many times like Tom had done, and you answered with the same response.

When she was finished the ultrasound, she had you get up from the table and sit back into the wheelchair. She explained that the results would only take 45 minutes and wheeled you back to your spot in the emergency room, where Tom was sitting and waiting for you.

“Hey, love,” he chirped as you smiled wide at the sight of him.

“She’s just had an ultrasound, but we need her to finish this contrast as soon as possible so we can take her for the CT scan,” the nurse relayed out.

He nodded and replied to her while helping you out of the chair. Another nurse came in with a hospital gown and a plastic bag for your other clothes. You undressed down to your underwear and Tom helped you tie the back of the gown. You got back into the bed, where you held your cup of contrast, occasionally taking large gulps. Tom sat beside you in a chair, keeping you company.

“What do you think is wrong, Doctor Holland?” you smirked, wanting to lighten the mood.

“Honestly? I think it’s your appendix, babe. You seemed very tender on that one side,” he answered, causing your face to drop.

“It’s an easy fix though, just a simple surgery,” he reassured you, squeezing the hand he was holding.

You nodded with a small smile. You had never had a major surgery before, you haven’t even gotten your wisdom teeth out yet. You tried not to think too hard about it and went back to finishing the homemade drink.

You eventually finished drinking all the contrast to which Tom got up to get a nurse to roll you into the scanning room.

“We had you drink that liquid, the contrast, which is going to show us all your organs and we’re looking for any that don’t light up,” the nurse began to explain once you were settled on the table of the scanner.

“We’re gonna inject this liquid into the IV and it’s gonna feel like you’re peeing but you’re not so don’t be concerned by it.”

She brought out a syringe to administer the liquid she referred to earlier. “Okay, here it goes.”

You felt the substance spread inside you, your inside growing warm at your lower region.

“Can you raise your arms for me, sweetheart?”

You raised your arms and she went back into the viewing room to start the scan. “Take a deep breath, and slowly exhale,” she instructed through the intercom.

The table underneath you began to move forward under the scanner as you exhaled slowly. You repeated your breathing pattern as you came back out from under the scanner. The nurse has you repeat this process once more.

“All done!” She exclaimed as she came back into the room with you, helping you back into the wheelchair. “These results will take a little longer but you’ll get them as soon as possible. I hope you feel better!”

You smiled graciously as the other nurse wheeled you out and back into your little room where Tom was waiting again. You two sat together again until another nurse came in and asked if you were able to provide a urine sample, to which you gladly complied, wanting to relieve your bladder of all the melted ice and contrast you had to drink.

The next couple hours were dull, you were given some morphine for the pain while you waited for your results. You dozed in and out of sleep but didn’t want to fully fall asleep as you wanted to be awake to find out what was wrong with you.

Finally, your doctor came back into the room with some news. “Okay, so, we got the CT results, and it appears that you do have appendicitis, so I’m going to go ahead and put you at the top of the surgery list and someone should be here soon to come get you.”

You nodded and thanked him, somewhat happy that it wasn’t anything benign as you had just spent the last 5 hours in the hospital doing tests and waiting.

“Looks like someone was right,” Tom spoke up with a smug look on his pretty face.

“Yep, you called it, babe,” you replied in a less than enthusiastic tone.

“Don’t worry, darling. You’ll be in and out like that,” he clicked his fingers together, making a snapping sound, while rubbing your arm affectionately.

“I’m asleep the whole time?”

“Yup, out cold. You won’t feel a thing and you’ll wake up seconds later feeling like your chipper self again,” he mused, smoothing his fingers over some loose strands of you hair.

You nodded at him, reaching out to brush his hair back as the side of his head. He leaned into your touch, fluttering his eyes closed.

“You should rest, tommy. This is usually your bedtime,” you offered.

He nodded and rested his leg against your thigh. You continued to run your fingers through his soft brown locks, the soothing movements lulling him to sleep.

About close to another hour later, one of the surgeon assistants came in to wheel you into the recovery room. There, you removed your underwear and jewellery, handing the items to Tom for him to hold onto while you were in surgery. You put a scrub cap over your hair and then looked over to Tom to say goodbye.

“I’ll be right out here when you come out, okay lovey?” he reassured, cupping your face with his hands, his thumbs brushing over your jaw.

You nodded, placing your hand on his side as he leaned down to place a gentle kiss on your lips. He pulled away after a few moments, kissing your forehead before you were wheeled into the operating room.

 It was very intimating, with the single table in the middle of the room and machines and tools all around. But soon you were laid on the table with your arms spread out wide, looking up at the lights and lonely ceiling. The assistants laid warm blankets over top of your body as the anesthesiologist placed a masked over your nose and mouth.

“This is just some oxygen, okay? Just breathe normally,” he instructed. You soon felt tired, beginning to flutter your eyes closed as you drifted into unconsciousness.

What felt like minutes later, you slowly woke up to the sound of the assistant’s voice, telling you that you’re back in recovery. Then you saw a blurred image of dark unruly hair. Tom smiled at your half-lidded gaze, taking a hold of your hand.

“You did great, love.”

You were wheeled up into a room in the hospital, where they hooked you up to some heavy pain medication. You felt tired but were happy that your stomach pains were gone. Tom followed you up, standing at the edge of your bed.

“The surgeon showed me a picture of your appendix,” Tom grabbed your attention, holding your hand. “It was huge and very inflamed. Part of was even wrapped around your small intestine. He said he caught it right before it burst.”

“Can I take it home in a jar?” you asked, high on the pain meds.

Tom’s jovial laugh rang out in your ears, beginning to play with your fingers. “I wish, sweetheart.”

You were brought some lunch, which was just some soup, as they didn’t want to disrupt your intestines after just having come from surgery. You really just wanted to sleep, but the nurse kept insisting for you to eat.

“I’m sleepy, Tommy,” you admitted once the nurse left.

“I know, babe, but they just want to make sure you have food in your body. You haven’t eaten in a long time,” he reminded you.

You realized how long it had been since you had something to eat, your last meal a little less than 12 hours ago. You took small, slow spoonfuls of soup, Tom sitting there to watch you.

When you were halfway done, Tom stood up from his seat.

“‘M sorry, love, but I have to get ready for my shift,” he frowned at your innocent pout. “But I’ll be sure to come visit you every now and then, alright?”

You nodded reluctantly, reaching out to embrace him one last time before he kissed your cheek and left the room.

You stayed overnight in the hospital, the surgeon wanting to make sure you were recovering okay. Tom kept his promise and made sure to check on you when he could, dressed in his scrubs and kissing you goodnight before you went to sleep. You got little sleep that night, as the nurses came in at various times to wake you up and check your vitals. You vaguely remember

Tom coming in at one point, gently arousing you from your light slumber, smoothing his hand over your hair.

The next day you were able to go home, Tom returning to your room dressed in his usual jeans and t-shirt, holding some clothes for you to change into. The surgeon came in to check out the operative area, lifting up your gown to reveal one large dressing bandage over your naval, with two little incisions by your lower region. He cleared you to be discharged, allowing the nurses to instruct you on the antibiotics you had to take for the week, plus some Percocet for the pain.

Once you were allowed to go, you changed into the clothes that Tom brought you and walked back out to his car. You were slightly taken aback by the sunshine, having not seen the light of day for almost two days. Upon reaching the apartment, you went to straight to the bedroom, wanting to catch up on your sleep. Tom came in to tuck you into bed, making sure you were comfortable.

“Get some rest, darling.” He brushed the pad of his thumb across your cheek before exiting the room, letting drift off into a deep slumber.

“You don’t have to stay here with me, y’know,” you pointed out.

“What? You don’t want me here, love?” He questions with an smirk on his face.

“No, I do! It’s just, I don’t wanna take you away from your other patients, who are probably more important than me right now,” you replied as he brought you some water for you to take with your antibiotic pill.

“Nothing is more important than you right now so looks like you’re stuck with me,” he responded at he watched you swallow your pill, throwing an arm around your shoulder to bring you closer to him. “Anything else I can get for you, love?”

You looked up at him, admiring his pretty face and appreciating his doting behavior while you were recovering.

You thought about it for a moment and shook your head. “Actually,” you started, a thought coming into your head as you ran your hand up his chest, sneaking it into the v-neck of his scrubs, feeling the warmth of his skin on your palm. “I believe I still owe you something slow and steamy.”

His eyes widened, a smile growing on his face, eventually bursting out laughing at your blunt question. “Not until you’re off these pills, babe. They won’t work with your birth control,” he explained.

You bit down on your lower lip while leaning up closer to his face, his arm falling to around your waist. “Aw c’mon, we can be extra careful,” you suggested, running your fingers through his hair while your other hand was still tracing along his chest.

“I don’t think so. Sorry, darling, doctor’s orders,” he replied, winking at you.

A sly smirk grew on your face as you slowly trailed your hand from his chest down to the crotch of his pants, palming his bulge. His breath hitched at your touch as you purred into his ear,

“I’m sure we can think of other things to do.”

*

*

*

A/N: surprise, bitch....i’m back!! wheeeeww this took so much longer than i thought it would, but it turned out to be longer in length as well. i have an idea for a series and want to post a teaser soon, so that should be done by the same time next week,,,,but hopefully a lil earlier. i hope you enjoyed and have soft tom dreams tonight!!!

much love, tommybaholland 🌺

do you like au stories/have you enjoyed the ones i’ve written thus far??

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[salt-sass-and-lyrium]

Friend Dramu

(... do people still say dramu? God I’m so old)

So I have this friend... let’s call her Sarah. Sarah is great. I adore her. I actually have a pretty big crush on her. Found out not too long ago that she actually has a crush on me as well (didn’t know how I felt about her, started dating someone, then found out), but is currently in a relationship so, oh well, missed connections or whatever.

Anyway.

Sarah’s boyfriend is a creep. Like. ‘Gives me the legit willies’ creep. You know how when you see a guy who looks like a foot and acts like a jackass with some great girl and you’re like “.. how the fuck--.” Yeah. Their relationship is the embodiment of that. Sarah loves him... let’s call him Jim. Sarah loves Jim. She adores him. I can’t see why. I actually knew Jim (though admittedly not very well) before they even met, and he’s always weirded me out. Always. He never actually did anything, so I just let it go, but he just gave me a weird vibe that made me super uncomfortable, so I pretty much avoided him.

But, him and Sarah started dating, and I adore Sarah, and she adores him so... we’re kinda forced together. But, like I said, Jim is a creep. And an ass. Who has a probably serious drinking problem. I didn’t know this prior to them dating, but apparently he has a history of getting drunk and beating women. Anyway, long story short, Sarah, Jim and I, along with a few of their friends all hung out for a FriendsGiving in the fucking boonies last year. Sarah got literally black out drunk. Like, had no idea where she was, falling all over herself, apparently chipped a tooth at some point, had zero memory of anything the next day black out drunk. But, Sarah has a crush on me, and wants to diddle me. But. I’m not that girl. If you’re so drunk you can’t walk, don’t know where you are, then you can’t consent. And I’m not fucking someone who can’t give consent.

Unfortunately, Jim is fully aware of Sarah’s crush (I don’t know if he knows I reciprocate her feelings, but w/e, it’s irrelevant). So Jim spent the evening first gently hinting at Sarah wanting to fuck me, then flat out just trying to shove us into a room together so we could fuck. Again. I’m not that type of girl. I’m not going to take advantage of someone who has no idea where the fuck they are, so I keep pretending to be oblivious, or just ignoring him. Jim gets extremely drunk as well, and starts getting handsy with me. Which, I’m not kosher with. He ‘accidentally’ enters a room where he knows I’m changing (and people outside the room are shouting at him to not enter because I was changing), ‘accidentally’ just happens to walk in front of me fucking naked (he is not an attractive man, tbh) several times. ‘Accidentally’ tries to pull me into his lap. “Accidentally” keeps touching me. Then he tries to talk me into taking a shower with him (yeaaaah, no) and then, what topped it off, was he literally tried to force his way into the bathroom with me. Like, he’s easily twice my fucking size, and I’m “legs braced against the sink body pressed against the door” trying to stop this fucking guy from breaking the door down so he can try and force me to fuck his black out drunk girlfriend. I’m telling him to go away, that I’m trying to pee (I actually was) and that I don’t want him to come in. He’s just shouting over me and throwing himself against the door. I’m like .5 seconds away from calling the cops when he suddenly stops and walks away. I pee, but before I get out of the bathroom, he and Sarah had gotten into some sort of argument, which resulted in him shoving her across the room, kicking open a door and storming out of the house. Which, I’m 150% not fucking okay with. Not to mention he talks to her like she’s a fucking idiot, when she’s easily one of the most intelligent people I’ve ever met. Like, that’s not the crush talking. She’s got an incredibly scientific mind and it’s fucking amazing.

ANYWAY.

After the FriendsGiving fiasco, I told Sarah that Jim made me extremely uncomfortable, to the point where I literally had a panic attack and had to drive home, panicking and slightly drunk, from the fucking boonies where there’s not even fucking street lights at like 2am. It was kinda awkward for a while, and still is really awkward. Because Sarah adores Jim. And wants to bring him EVERY WHERE. Like, I wanted to go see John Wick 2 when it was in theaters. She asked me if I wanted to go with her, and I of course said yes, because I hadn’t seen her in a while. I - several times - mentioned how happy I was to have a ‘just us girls’ type of day, and Sarah agreed. And then right before we were supposed to meet up, I get a “We’ll be heading out soon” message.

... uhhhh who the fuck is WE? Her and fucking Jim, that’s who. So, I didn’t go (and still haven’t seen it, no spoilers). Happened again. And again. In fact, I haven’t seen her in person in months. I’ve specifically stated, numerous times, that I just want to hang out with just her, not Jim. Granted, I’ve sugar coated it more than I probably should have, but I feel “just us girls” and “just us two”, among other things, is pretty clear. So, we didn’t talk for a while, and I really missed her. She messaged me, twice, recently. First time she asked if I wanted to go see a play with her (she just said, “with me”). And I legit wasn’t positive if I’d be able to or not, so I said maybe. She mentioned “we” and then said that our ‘mutual friend’ Jen (like we’ve met but barely know each other) would be joining. Ok. Cool. I can do Jen. Then, she lets it slip that Jim is coming. SO, no. I don’t go.

The other day, she asks me if I’m going to this EDM event this coming weekend. I had plans in the morning, and it’s in the afternoon, so I said “maybe”. She started talking about how  much she wanted to see me and how excited she was to spend time with me (assuming I went) and how we needed to spend some time together and catch up, yada yada yada. So while I’d initially not planned on going, I started considering it. And then she dropped the “Yeah, you can carpool with me and Jim!”

... no, Sarah. No. 

Like, I KNOW she knows that Jim makes me uncomfortable. I’ve told her. She apologized for it, said that he’s dialing back his drinking, yada yada yada. I wasn’t really in the mood to hear it at the time (because it’s BS) and still aren’t, but she knows. I guess she’s still trying to force us to be friends or something, I dunno. 

I’m just bummed because I’d like to spend time with her, and just her (or her and literally anyone who is not Jim, tbh) but she just keeps worming him into any plans we make. Get our nails done and get wine? Cool. Jim is going to meet us for wine. Go shopping? Cool, Jim is tagging along. Literally specified Girl’s Movie Night at my place? Welp, guess who’s SUPER INTO all of the movies we’re planning on watching and just HAS to tag along? Fucking Jim. And frankly, it’s not any of my business who she dates. She’s an adult, I can not and will not tell her how to live her life. But it just rubs me the wrong way. He treats her and talks to her like she’s an idiot and she either is so spun she doesn’t see it, or doesn’t care. He’s gotten physical with her at least once, but I suspect probably more. Especially because it’s a thing that’s happened with his exes, and if you’re the type of person who’d hit a S.O. then it doesn’t matter who you’re with. And I’m just at a loss for what to do. I don’t want to lose her as a friend, but I don’t want to hang out with Jim, or be around Jim, or even in the same building as Jim (he SERIOUSLY creeps me out and makes me uncomfortable). And she’s either not getting that, or ignoring it. And it sucks

TL;DR: I’ve got a really awesome friend who has a really shitty boyfriend who makes me extremely uncomfortable. Said boyfriend, in addition to just being shitty, is also violent, a raging drunk, an asshole and a creep. I’ve told awesome friend (admittedly, I sugar coated it, but still made it clear imho)  that her boyfriend makes me uncomfortable, but she keeps trying to seemingly force us to hang out and keeps inviting him places, even when I specify that it’s ‘just us girls’ or ‘just us two’ yada yada yada. As a result, since shitty boyfriend literally makes me uncomfortable to the point it ruins my day, I won’t go anywhere with him. Which, since she keeps trying to bring him to any and everything we plan, means I haven’t been able to hang out with her at all. Which, super sucks. Annnd idk what to do about it.

[kanadia413]

Danganronpa Non-Despair Au Shipping Headcanons

This is kinda just my musings on how certain couples would have gotten together and other headcanons about them in a non-despair au. I’m going to cover Ishimondo, Naegami, Komahina and Soudam. I’m keeping this PG-13 but I might do another later that’s has my 18+ headcanons.

Ishimondo So these two took for fricken ever to start dating, literally everyone else in their class saw the blatant flirting before they realized they were doing it, (there was even a betting pool for they’d finally confess, Celeste won obviously). But the two started off rivals of sorts, not outright hating each other just having very different moral. They argued a lot and eventually the class (mainly Junko who was sick of the sexual tension) locked them in the classroom for about an hour. The two talked for a while and ended up forming a mutual respect for each other. They became good friends and spent a lot of time together. Ishmaru had come out as gay a while ago (long story made short his dad was trying to figure out how to win over the LGBT community and Ishimaru casually said that since he was gay he would probably have more luck with making a strategy for winning the vote. His dad took two days fully process it and eventually accepted it) and got teased a lot for it, however Ishimaru was totally ignorant to the mockery as he just saw it as the others stating the truth. Mondo found out and stood up for Ishimaru who thanked him despite not understanding why he had yelled at the other students. Mondo found his smile unnaturally cute and after about a week of obsessing over his friends sudden cuteness he realized that he was crushing big and basically confessed by leaving some notes around Ishimarus desk and locker. When he confessed in person Ishimaru just stared at him for a minute before hugging him and giving him a peck on the cheek. The next day they went to class together hand in hand and everyone congratulated them. Neither understood why they were being congratulated as they were trying to hide their new found relationship but shrugged it off. That day Celeste won $500. Smaller headcanons are that Ishimarus boots take forever to get off but Mondo loves the way they look on the other. Ishimaru likes the way Mondo looks with his hair down and often plays with it when the other has it down. Ishimaru has dat ass, and Mondo constantly reminds him of this fact. Mondo’s gang only found out Mondo was when they came in one day to find the two making out. They were surprisingly accepting of the twos relationship.

Naegami I see Togami denying any feelings for Naegi, mainly idle thoughts of how cute the other was. Then one day he’d let it slip and call Naegi cute. To which Naegi would initially be flustered by then start teasing him. Togami would get annoyed and basically say fuck it and kiss Naegi to shut him up. It would indeed shut him up for about a minute before Naegi would swarm him with questions mainly being about what the kiss meant and if they were dating. It would annoy Togami even more and he’d kiss him again to shut him up and then say “We’re dating now” before shewing the other off because he wanted to read. The next day Kirigiri would congratulate Togami but no one else would notice any difference in the two till they realized Togami was actually listening to Naegi and was treating him a bit kinder(Naegi would have Togami wipped, mainly due to Togamis inability to resist the smaller boy when he asked him to do something). A few smaller headcanons I have are that Naegi bought both a stepstool and a pair of platform boots to help him initiate kisses with Togami, that 10 inch height difference can create so many fun situations. Also on multiple occasions when they first started to date Togami would avoid kissing Naegi when they were both standing because it made him feel like he was kissing a child due to Naegi’s height and baby face. He also liked it when Naegi would sit in his lap, he enjoyed the closeness and warmth of the other.

Komahina So the two met when Komaeda was sent to get Chiaki one day because she was skipping class. Chiaki had befriended Hinata as per dr3 side Despair, and had bonded over video games. I headcanon Chiaki as ace btw. So Komaeda found the two at the water fountain and basically it was gay at first sight. He then proceeded to awkwardly stare at Hinata from a distance for a solid 5 minutes. Hinata saw this and told Chiaki who glanced up and saw Komaeda and called him over. He came over and still acted a bit awkwardly (Hinata thought he was a creep stalking Chiaki and he was half right) around Hinata. Chiaki bridged the gap through a 3 player game and the 3 kind of became a group. Hinata and Komaeda never hung out without Chiaki and Hinata was still a bit skeptical of Komaeda. Chiaki saw how Komaeda felt and decided to play matchmaker by ditching the two one day forcing them to talk and get to know each other. There was awkward silence for a few minutes before the two began chatting and  found they had more in common then they thought. Hinata found Komaeda surprisingly charming though his  sense of humor was bit odd but still amusing. However he hated the way Komaeda talked about himself and told him to stop calling himself trash because that was stupid and untrue. Komaeda teared up and hugged Hinata, which startling him, before he relaxed and hugged back. After that they ended up hanging out a bit more, with Chiaki treating it like a matchmaking game, helping to push them along (she also totally shipped the two, along with Ibuki and Sonia) and once again a betting pool was made on when they two would finally get together. After a few months Hinata found he had a crush on the other but tried to ignore it. One day Hinata introduced Komaeda to Naegi who he’d met in the library and bonded over their ahoge’s. He had decided to introduce the two after finding out that Naegi was the SHSL luck (Hinata had assumed he was a reserve school student like himself at first) and mentioned that his best friend was also a SHSL luckster and offered to introduce the two. When Komaeda met Naegi he acted like he did in side hope, a bit too handsy and flirty for Hinatas taste. Hinata ended up getting jealous and dragging Komaeda away prematurely. Komaeda was confused about what had happened but saw that Hinata was red in the face and tearing up a bit. Komaeda said something along of “I know you could never have feelings for trash like me and I’m probably just misunderstanding all of this but your acting a bit.... off so I might as well take this opportunity to tell you something I’ve been thinking for a long time. Hinata I love you and the hope that sleeps inside you. I hope your okay with trash like me liking you.’ Hinata would be a bit pissed about all the trash comments but tear up and hug the other in a basically tackle hug and kiss him telling him he felt the same. The two would laugh together and cuddle a bit. The next day Komaeda would bring Hinata with him to have lunch in the main course building and they would sit really close and act disgustingly couply. Someone (probably Souda) would come up and throw money at Komaeda yelling at him about how he should be happy about winning the bet, and Komaeda would be really confused. It turned out Komaeda had won the bet about when he and Hinata would get together because he had heard the others making a bet and without knowing anything about what the bet was about he threw in some money and picked a random date, which ended up being the exact day the two confessed. Small headcanons: The good luck of all that resulting in bad luck in the form of the two being cockblocked for about a year, whenever they tried to do more than making out they would get caught or interrupted, and I literally mean every time. Komaeda is also really  affectionate pulling Hinata into his lap constantly nuzzling his arm or leaning up against him. Hinata is also a total tsundere, denying that he likes how handsy Komaeda can be. He also loves playing with Komaedas mass of fluffy hair, Komaeda usually is the big spoon when they cuddle but it normally ends in them just curling up facing each other. These two are the most affectionate couple, they act very close and are constantly holding hands or hugging. Hinata likes to steal Komaedas jacket and wear it around, he claims its supper warm and comfortable and Komaeda never complains because he thinks Hinata looks absolutely adorable in his clothes.

Soudam So first off I headcanon Gundam as a flamingly gay dude, okay maybe not that bad but the type that you wouldn’t realize he’s gay till you were told and then everything makes sense. Anyway Souda would start off completely enamored with Sonia, however he liked the idea of Sonia as a perfect princess more that the real thing. Sonia liked Gundam, fully aware that he was gay but still tried to cozy up to him in hopes that he might fall for her, Souda didn’t realize he was gay and just assumed Gundam was after Sonia. At first I see Gundam not actually liking Souda, not hating him but being more impartial, but as he spent time with Sonia and Souda he would grow to like Souda and find his personality endearing and his actions rather cute, he would remind him of a grouchy dog, that really just wanted to be pet, mixed with a baby shark. Either way Gundam gradually developed a crush on Souda and was fully aware of his feelings, he also tried to spend more time alone with the other as he realized that Sonia’s presence would make Souda jealous of him. As they hung out alone more Souda would start to see Gundam not as a rival but a good friend, and start developing a small crush on the other, however he would vehemently deny it if asked and didn’t realize it himself. One day Sonia and Gundam would have an argument and Sonia would look to Souda for help, Souda stopped hanging out with Gundam and finally got his wish of being with Sonia (not in a relationship more close friends) however despite getting  his wish he didn’t feel happy or content he felt like something was missing and eventually realized that he missed Gundam. He started asking around about Gundam and eventually found out that Gundam was gay and a rumor was being spread that he was dating someone. Souda felt heartbroken, but like the idiot he was he’d still have no idea why. He avoided Gundam for a week or two before finally realizing that he liked the other. The next day before class he stormed into the room, up to Gundum who tried to ask him why he had been acting so cold recently. Souda wouldn’t respond by grabbed Gundam by the scarf and pulling him down for a kiss. That kiss would lead to making out and the rest of the class would have to left the room after failing to get the two to stop, and also because they had had enough of seeing gay idiots being gay idiots due to Komaeda and Hinatas constant displays of public affection. After a while the class would go find Ishimaru and get him to break up the makeout session by repremaning the two for their displays of public affection all the while Mondo would be laughing his ass off because he and Ishimaru had been kissing in an abandoned classroom and just barely managed to avoid getting caught by the class. smaller headcannons: Gundam is extremely weak to Soudas puppy dog eyes, he literally cannot say no to them. Souda likes stealing Gundams scarf because its warm and smells good. Gundam likewise steals Soudas hat because he thinks he looks better without it. Souda likes playing with Gundams four dark devas and occasionally refers to them as their children. Gundam tamed a shark and tried to give it to Souda for a birthday present which failed spectacularly and ended with a terrified Souda being held by the shark in the tank ( the shark thought Souda was its child), it took 20 minutes to get the shark to let go of Souda and since then Souda is reluctant to get into any pools. Gundam thinks Souda eats bread like a rabbit, nibbling on the edges. Despite others insistence Gundam refuses to believe that Souda is not an angel or water god, or that Souda is not cute, which Souda will constantly deny.

[romancevsreality-blog]

vanderpump rules, season six, episode fourteen: caution - feminism ahead

Every single episode I wonder how they’re going to top the generic musical intros they use on this show, but here we are - this week, it’s simply “na, na, na, nah, nah.” Also known as, my approach to writing this blog lately!

Apologies. I’ve gone through a lot in the last few months. I’m back, I promise. Just in time for the finale, of course!

OF COURSE.

We start in West Hollywood in Tom and Ariana’s apartment, where Ariana is dreading going to hair removal. Ariana is teaching Tom the basic essentials to hair removal, and Sandoval is straight up shocked you don’t roll up there with a full bush and they just buzz through it like some kind of laser lawn mower. No, you have to be fully shaved, closely shaved, so they can access the hair follicle more easily. If they could superimpose an NBC “The More You Know” rainbow over this entire scene, that would be fantastic.

Ariana’s working on body positivity and #embracinghervagina, but it’s a slow process of both undoing that hatred and gaining some sense of self-love there. Hopefully one day she’ll love her vagina as much as she should. Sandoval loved their trip to Vegas because it was like, an adult trip - he wasn’t black out drunk the entire time, just like, 75% of the time. Who cares if Lisa had to kick Tom and Tom out of a meeting because they were out of control and being annoying? Not Sandoval! He showed up, and that’s what matters. I wonder how Tom pays his rent with the brownie points he’s getting.

Over at Sexy Unique Restaurant, the Generic Music cue is “Oh, Superstitilous”.

Can someone. Tell me. What “Superstitilous” means.

I cannot think of a sentence where I would need to combine “superstitious” and “delicious” into one word. I literally have tried to for the last hour. Like, maybe if it’s the Boston Marathon or something and you’re eating pasta? “This pasta is so superstitilous, I hope it brings me good luck tomorrow.”

I’m trying, y’all.

DJ James Kennedy, CBE, and Raquel, his squeak-toy-turned-girlfriend, are over at Sexy Unique Restaurant. James is putting on a jacket because his father is coming by and he wants to give off the vibe of being Very Smart. James, a jacket can only do so much for you. It’s his dad’s first time coming to visit after getting divorced frrom his mother, and his father is just as much of a British stereotype as you can think of. His dad is a less attractive Robbie Coltrane1 with worse teeth. He’s wearing sunglasses that can only be described as Creepy Manager Chic, and a baseball cap and a black polo.

It’s like they yanked him straight out of 24 Hour Party People2. We’re reminded that James was surrounded by music growing up - not only did his dad manage George Michael, but he was a DJ himself. He is also a grown man wearing an ear cuff.

James’ dad has no idea what his son’s drink of choice is, or that James cannot drink while on the job. James said his dad isn’t a bad influence, he just doesn’t understand why James can’t work and drink at the same time. Raquel continues to be like “if Lisa catches you with a drink, you’re donzo.” Speaking of, Lisa arrives for this week’s contracted meddling. She talks with Billie Lee, and then talks to James and his dad. Ken’s known Andreas (James’s dad), forever, but Lisa only knows him through George Michael, she’s keen to remind us.

Scheana and Lala3 meet with Brittany at Hooters, where they’re celebrating Jax’s 83rd birthday. He claims it’s his 38th, but we all know the truth. He’s not fooling anyone. Brittany knows she’s better than doing anything for Jax, let alone throw him a birthday party, but you know what? She’s all in on this relationship with this philanderer. Stassi, Schwartz, and Katie all arrive, shocked they’re downtown... but Hooters might be the only reason they’ll ever go downtown. Fuck Jax.

Stassi reminds us that when she broke up with Jax, she all but dug her key into the side of his pretty little souped-up four-wheel drive and carved her name into his leather seats, but she can’t judge Brittany for coping in her own way. Jax calls this the perfect birthday party for his inner child, because there’s nothing better than going to Hooters. My only experiences with Hooters have been this show and that episode of The Office, so I can’t confirm or deny this.

Stassi’s complaining about having big boobs, and how girls with small boobs will never know the pain of underboob sweat. As someone who’s new to the entire concept of having boobs, this is very true. It’s actually awful, and kind of gross. Katie can hold a pencil under her boobs, Stassi can hold an entire pack of rats. I can’t, and as someone who was thrilled she couldn’t hold a pencil case between her thighs, I’ll just go along with their entire thing here.

RealDoll Scheana takes Jax aside and confronts him about what Kristen told her Jax said about her and Rob. Rob says he loves RealDoll Scheana, but he’s not in love with her yet - even though she is, and she’s planning their entire life together down to the pillow shams they’ll have in the lake house. Rob may tell Scheana he loves her, but Jax was told something different. Scheana can’t imagine that this is true. There’s so much meaning behind not telling your significant other you love them every time you say goodbye.

Delusion, by Scheana Shay.

She knows they’re going to get married - sure, it’s not as quickly as she’d like it to be, but they’re going to. How does she know this? Does Rob know this? For once, Jax is in the right, and y’all know how much I hate it when that happens. He’s just trying to bring Scheana back down to Earth because she’s looking at her entire life through her Instagram feed. If she can project perfection4 to everyone else, eventually that’ll become true. She’s trying to The Secret her entire life. As someone who tries not to fuck with the universe and tries not to put things out there that can come back to me later5, even I know at a certain point it’s out of my control. Scheana hasn’t, clearly.

Peter asks Brittany how it feels to be back at Hooters, and she’s happy to be there. Ariana, with a mouth full of chicken, is like, “it’s so nice of Jax to take us to church on his birthday.” Ariana remains my favorite.Sandoval and Tom have gotten Jax a gift - a male romper. I’m guessing this was that time last summer that romphims were shocking the world, and honestly, there’s nothing wrong with it? I never understood why it was such a big deal. I mean, guys don’t even have to get naked to pee in their rompers. They should be much more of a staple in men’s attire than women’s.

Oh god, am I defending rompers?

The next day, Stassi and Billie Lee are headed to Kristen and Carter’s apartment, and Billie swears she’s not an alcoholic. Billie Lee immediately greets them with gluten-free vegan brownies and bread and she was doing so good up until this moment. Do not walk into my house with gluten-free vegan anything. Stassi loves Billie Lee. I did too, at one time. Apparently, Jeremy, Ariana’s brother, asked Billie Lee out on a date. Kristen and Stassi are skeptical and want to make sure it’s in public because Jeremy’s a creep.

Or so they think.

Jeremy’s kind of a creep and a lingerer, and at Schwartz and Katie’s wedding got a little too drunk and handsy, making Stassi uncomfortable. Kristen hopes he’s not just trying to fuck Jeremy, and Billie Lee’s like “Uh, that’s what I want.” As soon as she says that, they’re like, “oh, well, that’s okay.” It’s fine if a dude creeps you out if you want to fuck him, I guess? Billie Lee’s nervous now, however. I don’t blame her.

Scheana and Brittany6 are at BBCM for brunch, and Brittany’s refusing to drink. Brittany’s happy that she cleared the air with Jax, and Scheana’s like “yeah, there’s no way what he said was true, so it’s fine.” Scheana wants Brittany to be as happy with Jax as Scheana is with Rob because Scheana is determined to make sure that Brittany stays the hell away from Jax. Scheana knows a lot of people, which has never been said without an air of malice around it. Brittany’s hoping Jax will turn into the person she fell in love with, which is hilarious.

If you’re hoping your boyfriend will just… squash part of his personality that you don’t like, Brittany, you might as well be wafting in Delusion, by Scheana Shay. Jax is abusive. End of story. Scheana texted Adam, the hot new guy at Sexy Unique Restaurant7, because he asked about Brittany. Honestly, Scheana really thinks she’s Cher Horowitz and Brittany is Tai. She wants Brittany away from Travis Birkenstock (Jax) and in the pants of literally anyone else, but hopefully Elton (Adam). I see you, Scheana.

You will never be Cher Horowitz. The closest you’ll come is American Woman, Kyle Richards’s show about her life starring Alicia Silverstone.

We’re at the site for TomTom, and Schwartz wants nothing more than to be shoveling dirt with the construction site. Schwartz, clearly not knowing where he was going, is wearing fucking sandals. Katie married a grown man who wears sandals. All the time. Who doesn’t know to wear closed-toed shoes to a construction site? Does Tom Schwartz realize that a ton of health codes require closed-toes shoes in restaurants? He’s gonna die.

Sandoval is still trying to direct the set up of the bar area, and Lisa shuts that the fuck down. Again, Sandoval thinks he’s a true partner in all of this, but what Lisa wants him to do is what she wanted him to do at Sexy Unique Restaurants - craft a cocktail menu. That’s it. Nothing else. She doesn’t want your design input or any tips on what kind of food you’d like. She literally wants Tom to go to all his favorite bars in Los Angeles, choose his favorite cocktails from there, and assemble a list.

Oh, Sandoval. You only own 5% of the restaurant. Have you been wearing Delusion, by Scheana Shay?

Queen Lala arrives at Scheana’s apartment literally dressed like a goddess, in a white two-piece outfit. She looks like a California princess and clearly, she’s just touched up her lips because they are PLUMP, girl8. Following behind is Billie Lee, and then we get some shady shots of all the photos of Rob and Scheana in Scheana’s glam room.

The producers hate Scheana so much, I love it. Billie Lee needs a drink immediately upon arrival, and the girls are all happy to comply. Scheana’s pulled a few outfits for Billie to wear on her date, and Billie tells the details of her conversation with Kristen and Stassi. Billie Lee’s skeptical because Stassi gave the implication that Jeremy will just bounce from girl to girl to girl, hoping for some kind of positive interactions. Lala and Scheana are like, “well, he’s never tried anything with us, so.”

I do want to touch base on the “Well, he never did anything to make me uncomfortable, so,” response. A broken clock is right twice a day. Sometimes people we think are good are capable of doing bad things. Sometimes people’s behavior can be interpreted differently. A part of how the #metoo movement came into being was the collective idea that these people couldn’t have done this, they were good because of [xyz]. Did we learn nothing from Spotlight? The Catholic Church protected its own, we will forever protect our own instead of listening to victims. Listen. You’ll learn something. Reexamine people and their impact. Just because someone hasn’t hurt you, doesn’t mean they’re not capable of it.

Lala is immediately riled up because Kristen and Stassi tend to say things that not only hurt feelings but affect others’ lives in the long run. Billie was excited about her date until they brought up all of those thoughts.

Everyone loves and adores Billie. Especially Lala, who loves her tits. Billie chooses a green printed romper, and she looks cute. I won’t even hate. It’s a great date outfit.

Billie and Lala go to get a drink, and Lala’s getting buzzed before going into work because she’s the fucking best. She is all of us. Lala’s there to calm Billie down before her date because Lala understands the nerves and butterflies and jitters that accompany the first date. Jeremy arrives, and Billie immediately sets her sights on setting the mood. Guys are hesitant to date her because she is trans and people talk, and Jeremy’s like, “Whatever dude, you’re a girl and you should be acknowledged as such, who cares.”

This is the correct response.

Because this show can’t introduce anyone without bringing them up again, we’re meeting DJ James Kennedy, KCMG, and his fucking dad again9. James is ordering alcoholic slushies, Andres claims that George Michael christened him and spat on him, passing along his musical powers. Is that how powers are spread? Through spit? Like a cold? Having George Michael as a godfather has made James determined to be Something. Him and Lala together. James’ dad lost everything when George Michael and he had a falling out, and now James is getting over his struggle. He cries when thinking about his dad. Somehow, I find it within me not to feel bad for him. Maybe it’s my own personal daddy shit that prevents this.10

Back at Sexy Unique Restaurant, the cast is still pretending they work there, and Lisa’s doing her obligated table greeting. Max Vanderpump-Todd got a $2,000 tip the night before, and that’s worth celebrating. Ariana’s leaving early because they’ve got a girls’ outing, and Lisa can sense that Ariana’s pissed11 about something. Ariana’s caught a whiff of what Kristen and Stassi were saying about Jeremy, and she’s upset. Scheana told this to Ariana, and Ariana can’t believe it, because he’s her brother, of course. I mean, Jeremy saved Sexy Unique Restaurant from burning down, and Lisa is endlessly thankful. She even gives him some money.

In case you didn’t know, the musical cue is “I came to get down,” so you know we’re headed to The Lion Tavern for a wild girls’ night out. Scheana and Ariana are greeted by Brittany and the rest of the girls. There are two factions - Ariana/Scheana/Lala, and Stassi & The Pussycats, but they’ve both come together because of their mutual love for Brittany. Stassi immediately asks how Ariana’s vagina was because thankfully we’re basically spared an entire scene of Ariana undergoing laser hair removal, and get like, ten seconds. Scheana immediately makes everyone uncomfortable when they’re all complimenting their own vaginas by being like “well, my boyfriend likes it, so.” Girl. Read the room. No one cares about Rob’s opinion of your vagina, they only care about yours.

Ugh, the patriarchy.

Lala brings up the Jeremy-shaped elephant in the room and calls Stassi out for trying to scare Billie Lee. Stassi claims she was being supportive, and Scheana’s like, “That’s definitely not how she took it.”

You know how I hate when Jax is right? I hate when Scheana’s right just as much.

Ariana tries to get them to bring up the wedding, and Stassi’s like, “I don’t want to hurt anyone!!!” It’s okay if she hurts people unintentionally, she just doesn’t want to do it on purpose. Scheana leaves because she’s got a curfew to return to her RealDoll box, and Katie immediately is like “IT’S MY TURN FOR CAMERA TIME.” She says that she got a lot of complaints at her wedding regarding Jeremy’s behavior, that he was even predatory. Ariana wants to snatch Katie’s wig as soon as she uses that word, and immediately defends her brother. Katie, being the ultimate in hypocrisy, tells Ariana she needs to advocate for those who can’t advocate for themselves right now. Katie is such trash because this is so pointed and so purposeful and so intended to make Ariana feel like a hypocrite. We get it, Katie, you hate Ariana and you really hate that she’s a better person than you are. Ariana reads between Katie’s lines, and Katie tries doing the plausible deniability thing and claiming Ariana misheard her. Lala comes and sits next to Ariana and tries to soothe her, but Ariana is so upset at this point that she’s seeing red.

I get why Ariana’s upset. She’s defending her family and Katie’s essentially saying she’s a bad feminist for doing so. I’m not saying Ariana’s right, and I’m definitely not saying Katie’s right. There’s a better way to handle this, but they should have known that with family involved, the emotions are heightened. Katie, you defend Schwartz’s shitty behavior constantly. Shut up. Ariana dismisses herself from the table and all the girls are like “Wait, sit down, calm down, what?” Stassi makes a false equivalency by saying Ariana can criticize Stassi all she wants under “hard truths”, yet Stassi can’t criticize Jeremy.

Because Ariana is not responsible for her brother’s behavior, and since she doesn’t know the entire story, she can only defend him. She’s not right for this. She could have listened more. But their issue is with Jeremy, not Ariana. The most feminist thing to do is to demand they hold Jeremy accountable instead of getting angry at Ariana for her brother’s bad behavior.

Over at Jax and Brittany’s apartment, Jax has a drum kit he’s showing to Tom Sandoval. Even Sandoval is like, “Man, you got spoiled for a guy who just cheated on his girlfriend.” Brittany is reinforcing bad behaviors by treating Jax like this. He’ll definitely cheat again if she continues to reward it. Tom decides to head over to Schwartz and Katie’s apartment because he needs to talk to Katie about what happened with Ariana. He calls it “complete and total bullshit”, because he’s Tom Sandoval. He’s never found a man he won’t blindly defend to the death.

Over at Katie and Tom’s, Stassi and Kristen have arrived and they’re going to make their own perfumes.

Are they making Delusion, by Scheana Shay?

Sandoval comes over and Schwartz immediately tells him to proceed with caution. Sandoval starts out and denies all of Jeremy’s behavior. Stassi and Kristen are continuing to maintain that Jeremy made them uncomfortable and Sandoval just... denies it. He literally says no, that didn't happen. He wasn't there, how would he know?

You don’t get to tell someone how they feel, Sandoval. You can’t just shoot down the way someone else feels. If multiple people are claiming to feel some kind of way about something, it might be worth inspecting. What do I know, though?

The most important part is when Stassi asks, “why would I lie about this?” When it comes to a lie, you always have to look at the side of the person who benefits from the lie. Stassi doesn’t benefit from lying about this, and neither do the millions of women who come forward with accusations of sexual misconduct. There is more to lose by coming forward, and literally nothing to gain. If you think they’re looking for a payoff, wonder who benefits from being paid to keep silent. Not the women. I once heard a story of a woman who came forward with accusations of sexual assault, signed an NDA and took the money, and then came to find out her NDA was so strict she couldn’t even talk about her experience with a therapist.

She attempted suicide because of it. Fuck NDAs, and fuck anyone who thinks that women who come forward about sexual harassment are looking to get paid off. There is no money that can erase that experience. And no amount of money is worth more than actual punishment. Sandoval doesn’t know what he’s talking about because he wasn’t there. Stassi’s tired of protecting men and Tom Sandoval tells her to watch herself. A man telling a woman to watch herself when she’s telling the truth is some Crucible bullshit. Tom claiming he’ll start telling truths about them if they continue to talk is just… sad, petty behavior.

Then again, Tom will protect every single move Jax makes if he can. It’s shocking Ariana, who is proudly pro-women, will put up with Tom, who is definitely pro-men in every single way.

Back at Jax and Brittany’s apartment, Brittany gets a call from her dad. Oh, and Brittany hasn’t told her dad about Jax’s cheating, even though she’s told her mother. She’s afraid to tell her dad because he’s gonna be upset. We get shots of Jax sensing something ominous in the air and listening in on Brittany’s conversation when she tells her dad Jax cheated on her.

Brittany’s dad is unsurprised. He can’t help himself. He has no control. Brittany’s heard this before from him, and that’s why she’s put distance between them. She doesn’t want her dad to “I told you so” her, but… he told her so. Brittany’s dad is a lot less unforgiving than Brittany’s mom, who is on her third marriage and continually tells Brittany to just put her head down and deal with it because she’s on TV now. Brittany’s dad wants him to grow up and get serious, and he doesn’t think that now that Jax is 485 years old if that’s really possible. If he wanted to grow up, he’d be grown up. Brittany’s dad is most definitely not on Team Jax.

Jax is like, “oh man, I’m doing so good at the drums now! What did your dad say? What did he say?” Jax isn’t upset about Brittany’s dad not liking him - he couldn’t give a fuck - he’s again, more upset that she’s “airing out their dirty laundry”. Talking to your parent about your relationship is not airing out dirty laundry. The fact that Jax was Brittany to isolate any conversation about him and his behavior is textbook abuser behavior. He only wants to talk about it with her so he can tell her how she feels. None of these other people have his side, only hers, so what do they know?

God, Brittany. Stop. This man thinks you talking to your parents about your problems is “dirty laundry”. No. That’s what they’re there for.

Brittany doesn’t want to deal with the pain and strife this would put on her family ever again. They’re already predisposed not to like him and she’s not trying to pile on. Jax promises he won’t do anything like that again (LIAR), but she’s not perfect, either.

Why. Are. Men. Like. This.

One of the reasons my ex and I broke up was his almost blatant refusal to see my side in things. Literally, one time we were talking, and I mentioned that the fact that does that bothers me. He apologized, and then immediately was like “well, you do that too.” And I burst into tears. I was already on edge, already frustrated at not being heard and not listened to, and here he was, making that my problem. It’s this stubborn need to always be not only right but right and justified in every situation. “It’s fine for me to do this because you do it too.” I’m not saying I’m right in my actions. But if I’m asking you not to hurt me, what’s so wrong with just apologizing?

Why do you need to say, “I’m sorry, but this isn’t only my fault”?

Brittany admits to her bad behavior and owns up to her imperfections, but Jax won’t. He’s like, “own up to it,” and she will. He tells her if she’s not happy, maybe she needs to move on. I don’t disagree, but this is just him trying to get out from under bad behavior. I do the same thing. “You chose to be with me, you can leave at any point.”

Jax just always needs to be the good guy. That’s Brittany’s problem. His need to be the good guy in his mind will always trump any of her feelings. Good Guys are just as bad as Nice Guys.

Lala, Ariana12 and Scheana head to the bar, where people are meeting them, namely Daddy Adam, who is my new bae. They’re all there to basically show Brittany that she doesn’t need Jax and that she’s swimming in a sea of hot dudes who want to bang her. Scheana knows that Jax is never going to change and the love of a good woman won’t do shit - he doesn’t deserve Brittany. Hottie Adam shows up and orders seven shots of tequila upon arrival. Brittany’s Out To Flirt and piss off Jax, and Adam is prime real estate.

Lala mentions her conversation with Stassi, and that she doesn’t think she’s out to get anyone. Scheana and Ariana are pissed at Stassi and Brittany’s defending Stassi. It’s charming, but only a tiny bit. Scheana’s drunk and takes Brittany aside for a drunken truth-telling. She tells Brittany the truth - you will never be able to change Jax, you don’t deserve to be treated like this, and you can do better. And Brittany’s main problem? She loves Jax. And she can’t just like, stop loving him. Scheana can’t understand her thought process on this, and Brittany can’t explain to people that she knows he’s wrong but she still loves him. Scheana doesn’t want Brittany to be where she is - 32, divorced and starting over from scratch.

Scheana knows what it’s like to lie to yourself and convince yourself it’s all going to work out in the end. It’s hilarious because she’s acting like she used to do this when she’s doing it right now. God damn, I love the producers of this show.

Next Time: Lisa doesn’t understand why Brittany’s still celebrating Jax, let alone taking him to Mexico for his birthday. Lala is “ready for Mexico” in that she’s… way too tan. Scary tan. We’re going to Playa del Carmen! Lala ain’t taking any of Jax’s shit. Sandoval needs to fuck off.

Random Assessments from the Desk of Amanda:

Y’all know I love Ariana and shit, but god damn, that red dress in the talking head? With the corset front? No. Ariana, take it off. Immediately. Trust me.

Meanwhile, Tom Sandoval’s talking head with the polka dot bowtie and the plaid pants? I love it. It’s so extra. He looks like a sexy butler.

Scheana thinks Billie Lee and Jeremy are fated because they both smoke weed.

Is Billie Lee the first trans person on Bravo? Bravo, Bravo, then.

I mean, Stassi and Kristen have a point to be afraid of being around Jeremy.

Okay, really - Brittany is losing sympathy for staying with Jax, and fast. The only way she can redeem herself is to dump him. She can’t keep putting herself in these scenarios and expecting a different response.

Hagrid from Harry Potter, for you Yanks. ↩︎

What part of England are the Kennedys from? Are they from Manchester? ↩︎

Who has taken to pronouncing “baby” like it’s two letters - “BB” ↩︎

Scheana is such a fucking Taurus. ↩︎

I won’t even tell people if I’ve applied for something exciting just in case it backfired. The minute you put something into words and say them aloud to someone else, they’re real. I don’t know where I got this superstition from. ↩︎

I love Brittany’s 2005 glasses so much. ↩︎

OH MY GOD HE ACTUALLY IS THE HOT NEW GUY AT SEXY UNIQUE RESTAURANT. Hellooooo, Adam. Adam, come to mama. ↩︎

In the words of Beverly Johnson, if you don’t have a top lip, get one. Have you guys heard my podcast yet? ↩︎

I’m choosing to think of him as Robbie Coltrane from National Treasure (Not the Nicolas Cage fantasy films, the British series about Operation Yewtree) and less Hagrid. Makes him easier to hate. ↩︎

Same reason I’ve never seen Finding Nemo all the way through but I can handle The Lion King. ↩︎

Read: a producer told her to ask. ↩︎

Dressed in only what can be described as “Beetlejuice for Pretty Little Thing.com” ↩︎