#he gives me the vibe that like he would do the gayest shit and then say

[screamzbrainrot]

trying to survive as a stu macher is bisexual truther is hard in the scream fandom 🤞

[strawberryscorp]

me: why does everyone immediately know that im gay before i even come out to them?

also me: i actually chose this outfit because of a lesbian short film that i watched. the color green was symbolic because the other girl wore orange, and im the beginning she gives her orange tulips for free so during the whole film theyre matching. its a small but beautiful detail tha

[bo0tleg]

MY FRIENDS REACTION TO THE TOP GUN (1986) REACTION POST

In case you don't know what I'm talking about: I made a post a while ago of gems my friend said whilst watching Top Gun (1986) for the first time. I showed her the post, and she created even more gems about Top Gun derived from what she said originally! I'd suggest you read the other post, because some are references to prior gems. Enjoy!

"TOM CRUISE IS OLD, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE?"

"I said that? Jesus, I have the memory of a fish." (About: "Did he really need to be in his underwear for this conversation?")

"I DID COMMENT ON THE VOLLEYBALL SCENE!" "I distinctly remember laughing about you not saying anything." "I said 'Ah yes, the hetero scene that actually looks really gay.' Because it does. How the fuck are you gonna play sports looking like a hot piece of ass without looking gay? You're not supposed to be hot! Especially in volleyball. Why did they choose volleyball to make them look hot? You're supposed to slap that fucking ball, not be like 'hahaha look at me, I'm so dainty and pretty.' THAT'S GAY!"

"I'm only stating the obvious, these people should already know this."

"Iceman is the gayest in the entire movie."

"No! Actually, it's his plane buddy. His plane buddy is the gayest." "... Mind telling me why?" "He always says that he has a hard on."

"OH MY GOD THEY COULD BE EXES! It's not possible he always has a hard on. I KNOW IT'S AN EXPRESSION IN THE UNITED STATES BUT IT'S NOT POSSIBLE. They've definitely hooked up. Not in the movie, I think it was before he met Maverick, but there's no doubt."

"You wouldn't say that you have a hard on to just anyone."

"And I didn't even look anything up, I just watched the movie."

"I don't think it's possible to surpass the gayness in Top Gun."

(Upon being informed that Slider was not, in fact, the one with the hard on) "HE'S NOT? Oh, then it has nothing to do with Iceman. But I still think that they (Hollywolf) had something, that's the dynamic that I got the gay vibe from."

"I bet both of the actors are blond, or whatever." (shakes head) "I don't give a shit."

"It's not my fault the NPC's look like the protagonist!"

(Scrolling through the Icemav tag on tumblr) "There's a lot of fanart. A lot of fanart of them making out."

"Only the superiors aren't gay in this movie."

"Making out in a corner, having a fling with the best friend, there's definitely one of those somewhere in the middle."

"Oh look! More fanart of them making out."

"Even the handsome guy that seems like a protagonist but is actually an NPC looks gay! He has that gay vibe, I don't know." (Reminder: This a reference to the phrase "He's to handsome to be a rando!" This man had like 2 minutes of screen time on the Enterprise at the start of the movie, and a little at the end during the Layton Rescue. 2 min might be an exaggeration.)

BONUS: Reaction to Quentin Tarantino discussing Top Gun in "Sleep With Me" (1994)

(Silence for 30 seconds) "I... agree with everything he said... but I'm in shock."

I never... thought a straight man would say so much gay shit in three minutes.... but he's right."

"That part where he says about the girl, Maverick's chick, dressing up like a guy, I hadn't noticed. He's a genius."

"When he says 'STARFIGHT! STARFIGHT!' I don't know if he was crazy, high or hallucinating."

"Them screaming 'STARFIGHT! STARFIGHT!' looked like they were on crack. And they were just talking about a movie."

"If a military movie ever happens to be openly gay, it'll become a whore house."

"And the worst part is that he convinced the dude! My guy just watched Top Gun for fun..."

EXTRAS (The original language all of the phrases were said in was Portuguese. I had to translate all of them. You're welcome.):

"How am I going to translate 'Puteiro'?" "Aren't there any prostitutes in the United States?" (I went with "Whore House")

"How am I going to translate 'se pegaram'?" "There's a word for it in English, I forgot it.... eeeehhhh" "Hooked up?" "I meant to say that they fucked, but sure." "'Hooked up' can mean sex." "It can? Great, use that then!"

"How many phrases are there? I'm scared. I don't remember the atrocities I said."

My friend, who fueled this entire post: @annonimouslesbian

[thatoneidiotyoulovesomuch]

Random Ace Attorney thoughts, opinions, and ideas I have.

Ace Attorney Spoilers for the original trilogy

I swear to Jeez Maya is trying to kill Phoenix. I feel like at least once in every case she's in she's making an attempt on this mans life with it be mentally or physically

My favorite character changes all the time between Edgeworth, Phoenix, and Maya. At the moment Maya is my favorite.

Godot has the biggest fattest crush on Phoenix. Bro dropped a whole case because Phoenix wasn't on it and then when Phoenix is back on the case all of a sudden he's back. That's the gayest shit I've ever heard (Not really but still)

I heard someone say that Morgan Fey didn't *really* have a motive for the mess she did and that annoyed the crap out of me.

My favorite villains are Damon Gant, Dahlia Hawthorne, and Matt Engarde. In that order

If I had to marry one villain from the pure evil category, so no accidental or sympathetic villains, it would be Gant I just feel like I'd be fine if I don't say anything about the mess he be doing.

Gant had/has a romantic relationship with Manfred Von Karma. He also ships wrightworth. (As do I)

Lowkey, like lowkey Maya x Phoenix shippers weird me out. I'm all for people shipping whatever they want but...he met her when she 17 and he was 24. And they constantly refer to each other as family and give that vibe. But that's just me.

Lana Skye, Mia Fey, and Adrian Andrews give me very gay thoughts.

I think Turnabout Samurai is better than Turnabout Sisters. Whenever I watch case raking videos they always rank Sisters over Samurai which is fine. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I just wanted to say I disagree.

Whenever Maya is gone for a long period of time. I like to sing My Everything by Ariana Grande to show how much I miss her.

I lowkey hate Godot he just gets on my everlasting nerves. But I can appreciate him flirting with Ron and some of the things he says.

My top 5 favorite cases are- Bridge To The Turnabout, Farewell, My Turnabout, Turnabout Goodbyes, Rise From the Ashes, The Stolen Turnabout (I think not sure on number 5)

Max was going to be my favorite defendant but then he decided to be a pedo so no.

Farewell, My Turnabout suffers from lack of new character. I can go into more detail if you want

One of my favorite character themes is Dahlia's "A Distant Trance of Beauty.

I'll probably do another one of these. I really like Ace Attorney. I also appreciate any thoughts you may have

[totallynottinsel]

I SHALL SHARE MY THOUGHTS 🏃‍♀️ thamk you @the-gayest-sky-kid for prompting me to start sharing my aventi thoughts

These’ll be from my version of the explain my ship in 5 minutes

—————

——————-

There’s like so many height results that pop up for each two SO I just went with the first one I saw and I genuinely the idea of venti being 1 inch taller then him and I have no idea why

Obviously we know venti’s 2600+ but personally I do agree and love the theory that Aether is 3000+ or at least 500+ AND WHEN HE TELLS VENTI THAT FACT MY MANS JUST OVER HERE LIKE 🧍‍♀️

Sexuality wise their both gay icons— tho gender wise: just like me Aether has no fuckcimdheiwkw IDEA what his is, but I agree he definitely leans more into he/they Demi-boy for sure. NOW VENTI- I have a lot of different ones… 1 is the wispti form, Agender 100%. 2 the Barbecuetos/Archon form which I have a hard time guessing- it gives off major non-binary/androgynous icon vibes. THEN Venti/dead bestie form really do be giving off also he/they Demi-boy but also gender-fluid (which I do think a lot of the gods could be but ye whjsxukeisw)

(This is definitely a headcanon I love) I do agree with Aether tends to be the big spoon cuz he most likely struggles with some form of abandonment issues and is deep down scared of losing venti too, though anytime he has a nightmare (probably insomnia as well) venti offers to be the big spoon instead to comfort him

SERIOUSLY Venti absolutely uses really cute and creative pet names for Aether, (Windblume being the most used) and Aether I think would use more common ones but I really love the idea of him using Starlight or something like that whhsusuxhwjsiwm

They both seem pretty extroverted but also like having their alone time (or just the two together sorry paimon 💃) Aether I think would probably chill somewhere outside and enjoy the scenery and venti would most like be sitting on his hands and I will leave it at that

Venti absolutely is gonna have his way with words and mostly show his affection through them, but (taking off the traveler being really quiet thingy) Aether shows affection through actions like say giving him a thoughtful gift/cuddling/hugging/definitely playing with each other’s hair — I won’t underestimate my boy tho he for sure pulls out smooth pickup lines randomly and it works flawlessly

Sometimes when I look back at old events I see things venti said and like.. THEY STRAIGHT UP SOUND LIKE CONFESSIONS BUT GO OVER HEADS ENOUGH NOT TO NOTICE WHJSXYIEJ- I honestly think either one could confess tho, both are just waiting to see who will do it first

I FEEL LIKE AETHER WOULD BE ME AND NOT WANNA KILL THE BUG CUZ HE’D FEEL BAD AND JUST START SCREAMING WITH VENTI IN THE CORNER TILL PAIMON COMES AND EATS IT

Venti drives dvalin and Aether drives the boats simple as that

Aether is basically Gordon Ramsay and venti isn’t as shit as Ei but there’s probably a reason he lets Aether do it all

You know they definitely hold hands in public 100% of the time AND THAT THOUGHT IS SO CUTE AND WHOLESOME ANSHISUWU— I do think they both really like showing affection in public with no care in the world (Which now I think about it gives off that typically Cringy just-married couple in their 20’s who touch noses and have pet names like shnuckums SHNUCKUMSNSJW WHO MADE THAT)

Going back to Aether having abandonment issues I do think he’s definitely protective of venti in 2 ways: 1 being from people in general or anyone he deems weird or dangerous that he could get emotionally hurt from, and 2 THE POOR BOY PROBABLY TRIES SO HARD TO MAKE SURE VENTI ISN’T HURT IN COMBAT IF HE TAGS ALONG BECAUSE HE’S A CINNAMON ROLL THAT NEEDS TO BE PROTECTED. and venti i’d say is a normal amount because he knows Aether can handle himself perfectly fine - but will possibly chuck his lyre and someone if they hurt his also cinnamon roll husband in any shape or form

Personally I think Aether leans more to the side where he doesn’t have much experience romantic relationship wise- especially if he’d just been around Lumine for like all his life and never got to settle down (that we know of), Venti really doesn’t either but he’d probably take and learn a lot of tips from the other gods/adepti/beings who did have more knowledge, pretty much like a little brother asking their older siblings for advice ✨

NoW on a normal day Aether’s need for speed is like- how a normal person’s should be but when he is ready to hit the gas and absolutely go he probably loses that cinnamon roll role LIKE WHEN THAT SWITCH IS TURNED ON THERE AIN’T NO GOING BACK 🏃‍♀️ I’d say the same for venti but just with the addition of being a massive simp (GET YOUR NO HORNY BATS)

Aether’s the definition of awkward and venti doesn’t even know what that word means

SO like I’ve said, the jealously not in a bad way, venti’s just the needy one who needs attention like a tiny hyper Chihuahua puppy and if Aether hasn’t given him any in more then 24 hours then he’ll be a angry tiny hyper chihuahua puppy spinning around in circles till he falls over or trips. And I don’t see Aether getting jealous at all honestly

———-

WNHSJSIW OKAY I’LL STFU NOW THANK YOU FOR READING IT WAY REALLY FUN TO SHARE 🤸‍♀️ ima bouta morf into a tiny hyper chihuahua puppy after all that

[pinkiepiebronie]

Crew Gaming SFW AND NSFW Headcanons P1

Front

SFW

Mans is good at cooking. You can’t convince me otherwise.

He’s got that Gordon Ramsey vibe? Like yells and talks shit to peoples face about how ass they are at cooking, unless it’s actually decent.

Even though he’s super dominant and assertive, this man would be little spoon any damn day. 

His love language would be both physical and verbal affection.

Makes people laugh when they’re sad like the best boy he is.

His favorite is Liz. He’s got that soft spot for the bitch.

Like deadass, I imagine Liz forcing him to watch shit he hates, but he puts up with it cause he knows she enjoys it.

Take that platonically or romantically, I see it both ways.

Oli and Front? They are best of buds🤞

Josh and Front? They are the gayest motherfuckers around.

Joseph and Front? I don’t see it happening with how little they interact, but I could see some potential👀

ANYWAY.

He’s a loyal motherfucker.

Like someone’s talking shit about his friends? Mans will speak and cuss them the hell out.

Don’t even try it.

He’ll cut where he knows it’ll hurt.

Meanwhile, when his friends or S/O are down in the dumps, he’s the most praising bitch alive👏😩

Like mans will hold you and tell you everything amazing about you.

Again, he’s best boy.

NSFW

Him and Liz are certified besties with benefits. 

Once again, no convincing me otherwise. They could pull off no strings attached.

He’s a kinky little shit, but doesn’t mind vanilla.

Goes from hair pulling and bondage one day to praises and missionary another.

Depends on his mood and the surroundings.

He’s a hard dom with everyone.

Joseph, Josh, Oli, or Liz, he’ll always be on top.

Liz or Joseph could attempt at being top, but I feel even if on bottom, Front will be in control.

DEEP👏THROATY👏MOANS👏

And when he’s close to cumming- him whimpering😩🤌

Sign me up any day to get railed or rode by this man👏😭

Aftercare is a natural come with sex with this man.

Wet rag to wipe off cum, water bottle to cool off, and let’s not forget for the ladies, him forcing you to use the bathroom right after cause fuck any infections🫠

Dick energy?

Mans radiates big dick.

Like 8-9 inches with slight girth😳

And to top it off, he knows how to use it too😩

Liz

SFW

Where to begin with mommy- I mean Lizzie😳

First off, she’s SUPER generous.

Ask her for anything, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING, and she’ll help you out.

She’ll go to hell and back for you baby, don’t underestimate the love this girl has for those she cares about.

She’s an anime fangirl from what was said on the podcast so expect her to know random nonsense on just about any anime.

Not only that, do I smell a potential cosplayer?👀

Liz is besties with everyone.

She gets along great and has a natural click with everyone in the group, aside from Josh, that’s her brother you Alabamian whores💀

Liz and Oli? Besties. All the way. They stay up watching movies and anime together, testing shows no one else wants to watch with the occasional appearance of Front.

Front and Liz? Established before, she’s his favorite, and he’s hers.

Joseph and Liz…

I smell something sinisterly pure and devilish at the same time :))

She’s loyal, just like Front and super assertive too!

Isn’t one to back down from shit or doing what she wants, and is upfront about everything.

Even though everyone gives her shit for being idiotic from time to time, Liz is super intelligent!

She is book wise too!

Want a book rec? She’s your girl.

She can’t cook for shit. That was established in a fanfic of mine😂

Burns water and the pot holding it.

Like- your girl can’t cook😭

Aside from that, she’s an absolute goddess to have around. 

NSFW 

MOMMY.

Girl will try ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.

Wanna try public?

Done.

Bondage?

Bet.

Choking and breath play?

You had her at choking🤌

As mentioned before, she’s an anime fangirl, meaning roleplay sex is inevitable.

Whatever the scenario, she’ll give it a fair shot, she does probably favor hate sex though😩👀

Like Front, she’s a kinky little bitch to put it simply.

Switch energy.

Oli? She’ll top his ass any day.

Front? She’s a whiny bitch on his dick.

Joseph? She’s down to reverse rolls with him. Let him pull the reigns as long as she gets to as well.

WHIMPERER👏

Like, she’s not loud during sex, but go down on her and give her head, OH BOY. 

She’ll be turning to mush in seconds with how whiny and desperate she’ll be.

But this bitch radiates brat energy, meaning she won’t give into any demands too easily😈

Joseph

SFW

Like Front, he’s best boy🥺

But Joseph is EXTRA best boy material👏🥺

He’s a goofball, but he’s so sweet and soft with those he cares about!

Want a drink from sonic?

He’ll get you one with some fries to top it off.

He always goes that extra mile when doing things for other people.

He’s also determined and quite intelligent.

Once his heart is set on a goal, he’s doing everything he can to achieve it in the best way possible.

Loyalty and trust is a must!

Trust is Joseph’s biggest thing.

He seems wise?

I feel like he’s got a lot of life experience and is often the guider of the group? 

Offers advice when needed but listens when wanted.

Trust would definitely be important to him though and that’s why his bonds with people matter the most to him above everything else.

As previously said, best boy👏🥺

Stay tuned for Part 2!

[academy13]

Look, I'll have like three different flavors of an AU set in the same universe, so I've got another Doctor Who AU that's in the Marvel universe (don't ask what earth its even on, I'm just here making shit up and its somewhere between the 616 and MCU), and the broad strokes of this one involve Nine being a time traveling Spider person (he gives me Spider-Man Noir vibes, but he's more of a modern day noir guy than 40s Noir) and he winds up going back in time to the 80s because 1) Sarah Jane (I haven't decided about the superhero antics for her, but she's definitely still a journalist and definitely knows way too many secret identities and delights in being even more cryptic than she is in canon. Also she still winds up adopting a gaggle of teens and nobody ever lets her live this down) dropped some info on him that he needed to do so, 2) Tegan was being weird and vauge and that made him suspicious because it was about how she got her spider powers because I've decided Tegan plus spider powers is fun, and also Tegan is historically blunt, so he was like 'Why would she be weird about this thing, and also why have I literally never heard this story?', 3) Nyssa is less cryptic than the other two and suggests that since he's the time traveler that perhaps he's meant to learn about it that way. Plus there's also a whole plot to stop the Spider's from existing, but that's kind of secondary to him getting back to the 80s and realizing 'Oh holy fuck I'm the one who mentor's my mentor about this shit' and helping Tegan and Nyssa sort through a whole truck load of shit on top of unraveling the bad guy's plot, whilst he bitches about how annoyingly cryptic and know it all ish Sarah was in the future (even as he realizes they're both literally cryptic to each other all the damn time and they're best friends because of it).

So long story short, Nine is a Spider, so is Tegan, and Nyssa is trying to help her navigate that because of course Tegan would tell her, and of course she'd try to figure out how that even happened at all because Science! Nine also bears witness to the gay disaster that is Tegan Jovanka in any timeline and the gayest possible shit between her and Nyssa as they're all trying to save themselves, the world, and possibly the universe. I've got a few scenes written out, like rough outlines, and I'm still not sure what to do with Five and Adric, but I'm sure I'll hit on something.

[non-bee-knees]

YALL!

THE WISHMAKER EP!

WAS AMAZING!

ANALYSIS TIME!!

(Which obvi means spoilers!)

Starters:

Luka, mah babe, mah hunny,

You radiate such Bi fucking energy every time you’re on screen it’s amazing. You somehow made this the gayest ep yet, and that’s including all the adorable JuleRose moments.

(The fact that he looks at and acts the same with Adrien and Marinette means that:

A) He indeed has a crush on Adrien

Or

B) Is trying his damnedest to view Marinette as just his buddy and not as a love interest anymore. (Loved the “Buddy” bit)

Next:

THE REVEALS

HOLY FUCK

AHHHH

That is all.

This though, broke my heart:

My darling Luka, dear, why on earth did you Lie?!!

I know he probably did it to protect them, he loves Marinette (and maybe Adrien; yes I ship it, fight me), but it just erks me the wrong way.

Luka is the most open and honest character, right from the start, he is gentle and caring to everyone. FUCK he got akumatized twice because people were lying to him!!

For him to just suddenly fucking lie to the girl he loves right to her face about such a huge thing, AND DO IT WITH A DEAD STRAIGHT FACE is just concerning. Why is he such a good liar?!?

Also, time and time again, he is shown to be very in-tune with his emotions, as well as all the the people around him and their emotions too. For as sidelined as he is, Luka is a genius character.

He also uses the most powerful miraculous, in my opinion. No matter what happens, he can just go back five minutes. And that’s as a kid, as an adult his powers would only become stronger.

If you can’t tell where I’m taking this, I think something is going to go wrong. We know that Gabe isn’t the most bright bulb at times, but Nathalie is very smart. She might notice that Luka/Viperion is very much still in the game, even after Optigami, and given how they stalked Alya, I wouldn’t put it past her to suggest checking out Luka too.

They could do something, manipulate him. As put together as he is, he obvi has some exploitable parts too, like if someone fucked with his family (Juleka specifically) or put him in a situation he couldn’t get out of, as he’s not huge on confrontation without being akumatized. So if they just corner him somehow, they have some form of leverage against him.

I know that everyone thinks Alya will be the twist villain, coz she knows Marinette too well, but so does Luka, and he knows Adrien’s pretty well too, better than most others. There is a very good possibility with his new found skill in straight face lying and wielding the most powerful Miraculous and an amazing emotional connection to anyone, he could become the twist villain.

BONUS SHIT

New Headcannon: Alec is Agender, he/them pronouns. Given that the moment he decided to be himself he went from neutral masc to fucking ✨Glamour Gurl✨ makes me feel like he doesn’t give a shit.

(I don’t actually like Alec’s character, and probably won’t now either, despite the personality change, because he’s got too much dirt to be wiped clean so easily, but the backstory made sense)

Adrien hunny, please, I hope nothing happens to him. He’s already in a shit place with Ladybug and Rena, and this season hasn’t been afraid to show how tired and overworked he is, I feel if one more thing went wrong he’d snap. Poor darling.

Damm, even Damocles sus:

Finally, I don’t like how they’ve gone with Marinettes mental health in this ep.

They definitely haven’t forgotten her mindset in other episodes, like Sentibubbler, but I feel in this one they jumped the gun with her deciding to do everything. She’s exhausted already, and having literal nightmares about her friends, and I think her deciding to take on so much wasn’t realistic. I know this ep was slightly different, had a more chill vibe outside of the actual fight, but still. Idk I don’t like it.

ANYWAYS!

AMAZING EP

THANKS IF YOU READ THIS FAR

CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT EPS!

[they-callme-ami]

Gender and Sexuality headcannons for Infinity Train passangers and Hazel. 

(I’ll make a seperate posts for just the photos but if you want to read about the why behind them, click down below for more)

Tulip Olsen:

Gender wise, I think Tulip is a demigirl. The definition (according to google) is "A gender identity term for someone who was assigned female at birth but does not fully identify with being a woman, socially or mentally." For some reason, while I was doing this--it just felt like Tulip. She identifies as a girl, uses the pronouns and seems happy as one--but she seems like the kind of person to not really fit with other women in a certain way, if that makes sense.

Sexuality wise, I'll be honest. I think Tulip is an aromantic. And I don't just mean because she never had a potential love interest or human friend on the train. Her little road trip song? "No romance, no romance, no romance for me mamma." Plus, check the colors match, I rest my case.

Lake:

Okay this one is easy and I don't even think there will be any arguments or debate about this one. The evidence is all there. Cutting off hair, wearing more masculine/androgynous clothing, wanting to be your own person, changing their name to a NOUN to signify their new life, not wanting to be put into boxes? Lake is a she/her and they/them (mostly the later after escaping the train) non-binary and pansexual. It's just the facts.

Jesse Casay:

For Jesse, I believe that he is trans. Why? Most of book 2 was about Lake's journey to discover who they are and get off the train, but Jesse was still their because of his own lessons he had to learn. He was a people pleaser and never stood up for himself and did what he thought would make people like him more. He also makes his little brother partake in his 'friends' ritual of a 'manhood test' where they shove him down a hill and he breaks his arm--it feels like he was in a way, overcompensating. It seems like he's such a people pleaser and conformist because he doesn't want to give others a chance to dismiss him for who he is.

I also think he is pansexual. No deep meaning--I just honest to god think he truly does like EVERYONE.

Grace Monroe:

Her parents didn't seem like the type to pay attention to their daughter already, and give off 'rich black republican' energy which clues me in on 2 things.

Her parents would not care enough to use Grace's pronouns if she were trans, so I do believe she is cisgender.

Her parents wouldn't even notice that she's a lesbian, and if they did she definitely wasn't allowed to act on those feelings. Probably why she has a hard time interacting with other girls her age and why she sees Simon as just a friend, despite all the tools there for them to have been together.

Simon Laurent:

Look this isn't even me doing the whole 'haha, the bad guy is the cishet, cis-het white men are icky' thing. Literally, name one thing about Simon that could be queer-coded. You could argue he was deep DEEP in the closet I guess--but I just got straight and cisgender vibes from him.

Hazel:

Now stay with me on this one. Stay with me here. This is not because Hazel is a denizen. But I believe Hazel is an intersex child that uses she/her pronouns is aromantic. Hazel is only 6 (or so she says) and it's a bit hard to argue sexuality for someone who's both very young and probably hasn't even had their first crush yet. But gender wise--I think intersex works. Not only does Hazel remind me of Stevonnie (a cannon intersex character) but her whole character is her trying to figure out 'what' she is and how she doesn't completley belong anywhere. She was most comfortable with Tuba, another denizen like her, but even Hazel was 'different' from her and was caught between 2 worlds--and she didn't want to choose. She's just Hazel.

Amelia Hughes:

Super easy here. Amelia gives off bi-wife energy and distinguished bi energy where ever she goes. She just--I can't explain it but she isn't straight for sure. You could argue she leans closer to men because of marrying Alrick but proposing to a man during that time period?? Not the traditional cis-het womanly thing to do. Also--come on. Y'all know. Y'all KNOW.

Min-Gi Park:

Book 4 was just "this is for the mlm" personified. Book 2 was for the trans/enby folk, but book 4 was for the gays. Min-Gi is the personification of 'in the closet but in love with my best friend' to the 9's. The reason he gets off the train is because he finally accepts that he doesn't want to fit the status quo, he wants to be with Ryan and outright says he won't LEAVE the train without Ryan--who was currently still at 202-- while he was at 0. That is the GAYEST shit I ever saw. He's def not out to anyone yet, but he checks off those boxes alright.

Ryan Akagi:

Do I need to explain?? Do I REALLY need to explain? I will. Ryan is a neurodivergent, rocker teen who drives a van across the country in the 80's and wants his childhood best friend to come back and reform their band. He uses the t-shirt said best friend made for him as a headband and keeps it for years after they spilt apart. He has a rockin fashion sense, definitely loves the ladies (he unironically flirted with a cat and had multiple girlfriends) but also is in love with his best friend. Hell--he FITS the red-blue soulmate trope--he is literally a rebel without a cause and doesn't seem to fit anywhere but with his best friend and band partner--

Ladies and Gentleman, Ryan Akagi is a disaster bisexual enby that uses he/him and they/them pronouns, thanks for coming to my fuckin' Ted Talk.

[whatiwillsay]

off topic - let’s talk about gaylena 👀

selena gomez is one of taylor’s oldest and bestest friends and given that she is in the 22 liner notes, a huge part of taylor’s life, and maybe fruity herself it seems like possibly we don’t talk about her here at the blog enough!

i don’t want to do a timeline of selena and taylor’s friendship - you can read more about that here, but they met back in the day when they were both dating jonas brothers and to me this idea of finding a real friendship in the midst of these contrived promances is pretty adorable.

ofc most of y’all think taylor is a fruit basket but i think there’s a good chance that selena is too!  i’m not saying she is for sure but y’all know me.  i’’m here to make a compelling case that everyone and their dog is gay so let’s gooooo! 

Part I - At least one fake rs!  

Selena “dated” Taylor Lautner in 2009 and he’s definitely gay.  Of course, that doesn’t mean she is, it could just be PR, but y’all know I gotta note everything!  We stan our fruity bffs dating the same gays 😍

Part II - Selena x cara delevingne

i feel like there’s a chance they met through taylor but everyone in that squad adjacent circle knows one another.  cara dated michelle rodriguez for the first half of 2014 and then got with annie clark in March 2015 but it feels like it’s possible something has gone on between her and Selena from summer 2014 - early 2015? ...maybe something casual on and off a bit?

August 2014 - Steamy pics surface in Saint-Tropez, France

Selena and and a freshly single Cara vacation together in part to celebrate Selena’s 22nd birthday.

They party together and look cozy!

Pictures such as this surface and spark rumors around the two:

Selena apparently loves the rumors and gushes about being shipped with Cara.

Quote:

You say Selena drag queens were the true measure of success for you. But isn’t it true that you’re not truly famous until you’ve been the subject of a gay rumor? And last year, the tabloids had a field day with photos of you and Cara Delevingne. I’ve made it!

How did you react to those rumors? Honestly, I loved it. I didn’t mind it. Especially because they weren’t talking about other people in my life for once, which was wonderful. Honestly, though, she’s incredible and very open and she just makes me open. She’s so fun and she’s just extremely adventurous, and sometimes I just want that in my life, so I didn’t mind it. I loved it.

Notice she doesn’t deny them?  Now of course she could just be being cool, if she freaked out about it that might be even weirder but hey, it’s still kind of interesting.

Then she admits to questioning her sexuality???

Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Oh, I think everybody does, no matter who they are. I do, yeah, of course. Absolutely. I think it’s healthy to gain a perspective on who you are deep down, question yourself and challenge yourself; it’s important to do that.

(Selena btw, this is cool and all, but not everybody questions their sexuality, maybe you’re just gay 👀)

November 1 - LACMA Art + Film Gala 

they even left the event together 👀

and they hung out earlier that day as well:

They were seen the next day partying for Kendall Jenner’s bday singing to her:

a few weeks later Cara tweets Selena’s lyrics!

In December 2014 they are travelling together in texas:

in january 2015 they get cozy at the golden globes together!

and they leave together again:

January 19th/20th a bunch of gay nonsense happens

They post this gay shit with matching shoes and linked fingers:

then they say this to one another:

Enty says they were hooking up!

then we don’t get any more content that i can find for about six months! perhaps they had a fling from summer 2014-jan 2015 and then it ends, Cara gets with Annie in March?  Then after half a year apart Selena and Cara resume a friendly relationship?  Perhaps!  Selena is seen with Justin a bit off and on during this time but this was in their Style/Heat Death Era imo (tbh i probably shouldn’t give a hetty pairing including Justin that designation 🤢but y’all get what I’m saying - it’s fully possible Selena was hooking up with both of them!

Now I’m not super familiar with Selena’s discography so y’all lmk if I’m missing anything major - lyric wise that point to her not being straight.

Selena’s album Revival that comes out after this relationship has a few songs with some vibes, even though I get the feeling a lot of it is probably about Justin, allow me to reach.  The title track could be translated as someone coming to terms with their sexuality (among other things):

I feel like I've awakened lately The chains around me are finally breaking I've been under self-restoration I've become my own salvation Showing up, no more hiding, hiding The light inside me is bursting, shining It's my, my, my time to butterfly

Good for you, imo, is too sexy to be about a man even if it’s not super queer lyrically it’s a vibe ok?

Me & My Girls might be a bestie anthem a la 22 (oh wait, no 22 was gay too) but I mean...could be about a girl gang of lesbians too!

And if we want it, we take it If we need money, we make it Nobody knows if we fake it You like to watch while we shake it I know we're making you thirsty You want us all in the worst way But you don't understand I don't need a man 

Quinn Fabray indeed!

Nobody feels probably like a retrospective on Justin 🙄but...there is a hint of sapphic craving in there!  Saying this particular lover loves them differently than everyone is a bit 👀 plus this stanza:

No oxygen, can barely breathe My darkest sin, you've raised release And it's all because of you, all because of you And I don't know what it is, but you've pulled me in No one compares, could ever begin To love me like you do And I wouldn't want them to

Is Perfect about some bitch Justin started dating?  Probably but bear with me here this song is actually pretty fucking gay.  Gay enough that I’m gonna add it to one of my gay playlists.  Could this song actually be about Cara moving on to Annie?

Ooh, and I bet she has it all Bet she's beautiful like you, like you And I bet she's got that touch Makes you fall in love, like you, like you

I can taste her lipstick and see her laying across your chest I can feel the distance every time you remember her fingertips Maybe I should be more like her Maybe I should be more like her I can taste her lipstick, it's like I'm kissing her, too And she's perfect And she's perfect

Part III - Selena x Julia Michaels

Julia Michaels is a singer/songwriter known for her song Issues.  I don’t know her sexuality but she at the least has gay vibes!  It seems they met around this time perhaps because Julia wrote on Revival.

They have a friendly enough friendship for a few years, liking one another’s posts on IG from time to time, posing for a photo a time or two and then they seem to get swept up into this very intense friendship in 2019.  They write some music together and Julia goes whole hog in promoting the shoe brand Selena is hawking this time 😭

2019 - The Superior Sapphic Jelena Timeline:

It starts, for some reason with a lot of shoe promotion:

chill, chill

more shoes

but more gayness?

this homo shit

ok...

Then we go into the REALLY GAY NOVEMBER OF 2019:

Then they perform together:

And...actually kiss...on the mouth on stage???

Sure it’s just a peck but still...if that were a guy people would say they were dating.  

Somehow kissing on the mouth isn’t the gayest thing these girls do over this period because these fucking dykes got matching tattoos.  I’ve read enough Larry blogs to know this actually means they’re secretly married.  All jokes aside this is fruity behavior. 

From their IG stories:

Selena gets Julia a very nice christmas gift:

Covid sets in and content drops off but god damn!  It’s possible they just had an intense friendship but if a man and a woman collabed on music together, kissed in public, and got matching tattoos everyone would say they were dating!

Selena, as far as I can find, didn’t have any public boyfriends around this time so who are some of these love songs about?

Rare comes out in January 2020 and perhaps has some gayish songs?

Don’t tell me why but boyfriend lowkey, has a gay vibe.  Don’t ask me to explain it but it’s just the musicality of it.

Crowded Room could be a love song for Julia?  (or by Julia for Selena, since they’re collaborators?)

Baby, it's just me and you Baby, it's just me and you Just us two Even in a crowded room Baby, it's just me and you, yeah

These are general gay vibes, our secret moments in a crowded room tease

It started polite, out on thin ice 'Til you came over to break it I threw you a line and you were mine

It would have started out polite between them, since they worked together for years before whatever 2019 was happened.  And throwing someone a line first of all makes Selena sound like the aggressor but also “throwing someone a line” could be a reference to writing songs together.

Yeah, I was afraid, but you made it safe I guess that is our combination Said you feel lost, well, so do I So won't you call me in the morning? I think that you should call me in the morning If you feel the same, 'cause

Lots of people are afraid at the beginning of a gay rs.  Treacherous tease 👀

In summation!

Selena does gay stuff like fantasizing ab kissing other women in her music, getting very touchy with famous dykes on vacay, hangs out with Taylor Swift, has chronic mental health issues, dated a jonas brother and a twilight gay, has admitted to questioning her sexuality, and loves being shipped with women.  Is she gay?  I don’t know!   But all she’s missing from her celesbian bingo card is a suspiciously intense friendship with a Glee Cast member! What do you guys think?  Selena fruity or just weird?

Edit to add: so apparently I missed an entire ship and Selena supposedly acted really gay all the time with her backup dancer Charity Baroni.  Exposing SMG has posted a lot about all that.

Also Selena has been cast in a gay role! edit to add: @bisluthq went and found this for me - julia is indeed a fruit queen

[bisluthq]

Could you explain to me why Dress has gay connotations? I just don’t see it, and it’s been years now.

Yes I can, because that was the song that lead me down this path of sin and insanity. The year was 2017. With more marbles and brain cells and far less COVID, I sat down to listen to the album Reputation. Perhaps I poured a glass of wine first. I don’t recall. I was but a more or less normal, very casual fan who had for many years enjoyed mocking Taylor for her messy ass personal life, supposed hyperconfessionalism and regular PR kerfuffles. One of my best friends and then roommate used to, as I’ve told y’all before, blast Blank Space as a chaos anthem every time we went out. Fundamentally, though I was too cool for Taylor Swift. I was listening for like... general pop culture knowledge because my brain is a treasure trove of entertainment tidbits and gossip. I got through almost the whole album and then I heard the song Dress and I said, “what the fuck did I just listen to?” And I replayed it and I went, “Damn Blank Space. That was gay.”

And that was the fateful day I came to believe in 2+ muses, Gaylor and, I guess, Kaylor as well because my (albeit surface level but even if I’d dug) Googling brought me mostly to supermodel Karlie Kloss’s door.

So why is this song so gay? I’m not even gonna give y’all the Kaylor reading today we’re literally gonna time capsule to 2017 before I knew any of this shit and when the only thing I knew was THIS SONG WAS GAY.

Our secret moments

In a crowded room

They got no idea

About me and you

Okay so they’re out and about. What secret moments? Like looks and stuff? I mean bold of her to assume nobody knows it’s pretty easy to convince people hets are fucking especially if they’re giving each other meaningful looks and shit. Idk like people whisper and gossip about hets just looking at one another all the time. This seems like she’s a bit overconfident in their sneakiness.

There is an indentation

In the shape of you

Made your mark on me

A golden tattoo

Right so whatever is happening between the speaker and the subject of the song has had an impact on her. This isn’t a thirst anthem. Like the secret moments aren’t because they’re just... looking at one another respectfully and kinda doing that “your place or mine” telepathic conversation. No, Tay’s body has a mark, an indentation from the shape of her lover’s body and the whole thing is a golden tattoo - temporary and removable, presumably, shiny and glittery, but visible to the naked eye. So shit’s already gone down. Friends with benefits maybe?

All of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation

My hands are shaking from holding back from you (ah, ah, ah)

All of this silence and patience, pining and desperately waiting

My hands are shaking from all this (ha, ha, ha, ha)

Nah, not simply friends with benefits. This is forbidden, right? Taylor can’t touch her lover. All they have are these secret stolen looks in the crowded room that absolutely nobody can tell mean anything. That... sounds like “gal pals” to lil gay me. Like she can’t touch her lover because it’ll be too obvious but as long as they don’t touch it won’t seem sexual at all. It’s not just that they’re friends and nobody knows there’s more going on, because why can’t they be friendly then? Why are they sharing secret moments but they can’t come close to the point where her hands are literally shaking from staying away? Why can’t she do that good old link arms with her good guy friend especially if they’re out and tipsy? And then it ends off with orgasm noises because... it’s this song so of course it does.

Say my name and everything just stops

I don't want you like a best friend

Only bought this dress so you could take it off, take it off (ha, ha, ha)

More nails in the coffin of “friends with benefits” and people just don’t know. This person saying her name makes her world stop. This ties into the forbidden vibe but it’s also so innocuous that it does fuck with the “we’re just friends with benefits but I want more” interpretation that a hetsplanation would require. Like this is clearly a lot more. It’s already a lot more. It’s not that she just wants more, this girlie is gone.

And then we get to my gayest line: “I don’t want you like a best friend.” Now I get saying you don’t want to be “just friends” with a guy. I also do get being best friends with a guy. One of my irl besties is Blank Space Chaos Anthem girlie and the other is a (mostly) straight dude. I also have other straight dude friends like my mate who I was trying to rescue from accidentally having to marry a converting girl a few years back. I’m like a (woke) straight dude whisperer tbh because being friends with me is a big win for their woke credibility and let’s be real I’m 1) irreverent and great fun and 2) give great advice on girls.

Now I can guarantee you my proposition to fucking any of my dude friends from besties to casuals would not be “I don’t want you like a best friend.” They’d be like, “my bitch wut? Are you with Pothead YouTube Ex again? Tell her BE GONE WITCH!” And sure, maybe that’s just me. But if was already fucking a dude I can guarantee you the words “I don’t want you like a best friend” would not exit my mouth. It’s not “I don’t want to be friends” or “I don’t only want to be friends” she says “I don’t want you like a best friend.” The implication is there’s an appropriate way to “want” a friend and the way she wants the person she’s speaking to is not like that. It’s a similie, she’s comparing the subject of the song to a best friend and saying this is not like that. Now, explain to me why that level of clarification is important in a fwb setup? You’re trying to make it more serious, I get it. You don’t want to be “just” friends with benefits (and we know they’re already fucking) I get that too. But why the similie?

Why would a dude you’re fucking ever misunderstand and think you want him like a best friend?

Carve your name into my bedpost

Cause I don't want you like a best friend

Only bought this dress so you could take it off, take it off (ha, ha, ha)

I mean again, if we needed clarity on why this is a sex anthem it’s the first line of this song. And she’s saying “have sex with me because I don’t want you like a best friend” again, they’ve already fucked that was established in the first verse. Why would this be stuff you clarify with a dude? Why would a man who is fucking you get the wrong impression and assume you want to be best friends? Not friends. Best friends. Why would he think that?

And then we get the dress line. Now, I know some people are like “I dress up for my boyfriend!” and sure. But let’s all be honest. 85%+ of the time girls of any sexual orientation wear outfits out - and we established this is an out type situation - it’s for other girls to notice their fashion. Come on, you’re not expecting your dude friend to be like, “nice dress, where’d you buy it?” “Oh, this? Hahaha it’s just Zara, they were having a sale. If you hurry you might get one too!” Like there’s something inherently sapphic/feminine about discussions of buying clothing. And come on, fellow queer ladies, clothes is a great way to get a chat going.

In this song, Taylor draws attention to this feminine article of clothing she bought to wear on the night in question and instead of saying “it’s Zara” she goes “I only bought it so you could take it off” - I’m doing an eyebrow wiggle but you can’t see because I’m just text on your screen. Why would you say that to a guy? Like if you did, if you’re that girl why are you holding back from him? Y’all are fucking and you have a massive thing for him. Surely he should know by now? Why is this dress even featuring in the conversation? Like I say bringing up a dress you bought in a conversation about sex feels pretty fucking gay. It’s either a really bizarre and kinda desperate flex which doesn’t really match the sexiness of the song or... it’s gay.

Inescapable

I'm not even going to try

Girl you’ve fucked why is there a point of trying at this stage? Unless you... can’t do this or it feels in some way wrong?

And if I get burned, at least we were electrified

Why the I/we split? Like why is only one of them burned if they were electrified? Sure maybe it’s a fwb thing and he can turn her down for more than sex and friendship but it sounds more like - given the best friends - this is her female friend and she’s maybe uncertain of the other woman’s feelings. This feels - and again we’re not doing a Tay’s personal life reading here - like one of them can be fully destroyed by this but despite that reality they are both lit up and hurt in the process.

I'm spilling wine in the bathtub

You kiss my face and we're both drunk

I mean this isn’t inherently gay it’s just sexy, get it Tay. This sounds hot.

Everyone thinks that they know us

But they know nothing about

All of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation

What do they know about you? Like again we’re not doing the Tay reading thing but like what’s the sekrit? She’s fucking her friend? Why don’t they know anything about this? Surely they can imagine it’s a possibility? Like however unlikely, why does nobody know anything about this?

The next chorus is the same as the one above and I still have no hetsplanation for it. Like especially in the broader context of this, again, very gay song.

Then we get a very straight bridge. It’s like it’s from a different song or was written much later:

Flashback when you met me

Your buzz cut and my hair bleached

Even in my worst times, you could see the best of me

Flashback to my mistakes

My rebounds, my earthquakes

Even in my worst lies, you saw the truth in me

And I woke up just in time

Now I wake up by your side

My one and only, my lifeline

I woke up just in time

Now I wake up by your side

My hands shake, I can't explain this

Aha, ha, ha, ha

Okay but this is a completely different vibe to the... entire song. The rest of the song was about the other person not being sure and that being the issue. “I don’t want you like a best friend.” So why: “I woke up just in time”? Like “if I get burned at least we were electrified” but then... “I woke up just in time” - is the rest of the song like a weird nightmare? That’s not, to me, enough of an explanation. She spends the whole song in sexy anxiety pining after someone who cares about where and why she bought her dress and then she’s like “you’re everything to me” - it doesn’t make sense.

The rest of the song is the chorus again. As I’ve said, I don’t see a hetsplanation for it.

This is a gay song. The bridge isn’t and the line about the bathtub isn’t inherently. But the rest of this song is gay af.

[aphroditesmess]

percy jackson characters’ sexualities (in M Y opinion)

bear with me

percy: bisexual as FUCK this boy skates he HAS to have a septum piercing, cuffs his jeans and tucks his shirts. give my boy rings on each of his fingers and earrings

annabeth: i really wanna say pansexual because i LOVE percabeth, i can and WILL die for this ship, but she gives me STRONG lesbian vibes. she has since the first book like this baby had princess like golden curls and a warrior’s complex you cannot tell me she doesn’t love women c’mon

grover: this boy is straight and in love with his girlfriend, also straight, but will punch you in the face if you dare say something homophobic or transphobic

jason: he’s the chad we all have in highschool who uses homophobia to hide the fact that he’s gay. love him though he’s my baby. totally pansexual

piper: lesbian. we been knew. she can step on my neck and i’ll call it flirting. in love with every single female to ever cross this earth. 10/10 will die for love because gods forbid they take the pretty girl she likes without taking her too

leo: gay as shit. you know the gayest kid in your school? he’s gayer. 100% realised this when he saw narcissus and i’ll die defending the fact that he tried to impress him and not the fangirls

hazel: baby is straight and an ally

frank: same as hazel. will cuddle you after kicking a homophobe’s ass

do i even have to mention nico like

will is asexual pass it on

reyna is aromantic. she doesn’t like boys she just has daddy issues and sought affection and validation from men then realized they are trash. i don’t think she’s into girls either idk

hylla is the king of lesbians who hunts men for sport and that is canon

my girl rachel elizabeth dare: bisexual. more into girls. maybe that’s just me totally in love with this redhead and like to imagine i would have a shot with her or maybe it’s the vibe. she listens to sweater weather with percy and calls it bonding

thanks for coming to my ted talk. no i don’t accept criticism. these are my opinions, don’t forget that

[badassllamaclan]

Trollhunters: Rise of the Titans (Real-time thoughts as I watched it yesterday)

Spoilers under the cut!!!

They’re gonna deny me Barbara seeing her human son again!?!?!?

Dafuq? Was that Otto????

Lol Incredibles?!?!?

STRICKLER FLYING IN THERE COULDA SOLVED HALF THEIR PROBLEMS

Men in Black needed

BRUH THAT WASN’T EVEN DETECTIVE SCOTT IN THE TRAILER

WHO IS BAILING THEM OUT OF JAIL

That fuckin your mom joke. These losers are so grounded when they get back to Arcadia

EXCUSE YOU, WHY DOES STRICKLER SOUND LIKE THAT???? But also, yay Strickler was there when Jim woke up.

FUCK ALRIGHT TROLLHUNTERS ROTT PRODUCERS AND WRITERS YALL ARE ON THIN FUCKING ICE, don’t give me that bullshit with Strickler’s voice and then HAVE STRICKLER ASK FOR JIMS BLESSING AND TO BE HIS BEST MAN AT THEIR WEDDING

Nomura…. Is her voice different I’m not 100% sure

Alright WTF ELI GOT HOT

ALSO WHY DID HIS GLASSES GET BIGGER

FUCKIN WHAT

“So we don’t technically have a school”

Why the fuck is Arcadia the center

WHERE ARE ALL THE BABIES THAT WALT AND BARBARA WERE RAISING?!?!?

Also Nari up close is serious leafmen vibes

I love that this is some of the most involved Barbara has ever been in anything

Wtf did they do to BARBARA’S NOSE?!?!?

Smooth morons

FUCKIN WHAT

IM SORRY FUCKING WHAT

THE WRITERS ARE ON CRACK THERES DEADASS MPREG

WAIT WHO IS GONNA TELL BARBARA THAT STEVE IS PREGNAT

ALSO WOULDNT MAKING JIM ARMOR BASICALLY MAKE HIM ON GHE SAME LEVEL AS TOBY?!?!?

Why didn’t that fuck test the amulet before they tried to stop the order???

Also why does Jim yelling sound so weird? Like his voice is deeper specifically when he yells.

Mad respect that the arctic base in Greenland wasn’t destroyed and that researcher won’t straight up freeze to death

Everyone is questioning troll dragons, WHEN STRICKLER EXISTS RIGHT THERE

At least Nomura is still Nomura

Fuck either Blinky or Arrrgh is gonna die or some shit… WAIT BLINKY IS TELLING THE STORY THAT MEANS HE LIVES… fuck

Also Jim you’re such a loser I love you, the world’s ending and you’re upset cause your mom is finally happy and her happiness is at risk

ALSO WHERE IS NOTENRIQUE

OH COOL, we addressed that Archie’s dad still exists and is ancient AF. LOVE GHE GUILT TRIPPING!!! Father son bonding over terrorizing Blinky, love it

ALSO EVERYONE WAS CAUGHT ON VIDEO IN THE BEGINNING HOW HAS THAT NOT BEEN ADDRESSED, they’re literally only acknowledging that the titans happened

Yay, Barbara and Strickler having active roles

ALSO HIS SWEATER

Hi I was not ready for Nomura

Cool they’re gonna kill Strickler in the exact way I said on tumblr a few years ago

THANK FUCK THEY WENT TO GO STEAL LITERAL FUCKING TIME FROM THE TROLL DRAGON

YES BARBARA VALIDATING HOW MUCH STRICKLER LOVED JIM, but random assedly bringing up Jim’s bio dad?????

YO YALL JUST GONNA LEAVE BARBARA FUCKING ALONE AT THE CASTLE

So they’re going to kill off as many fan favorites as possible because they have to fix everything with the time sphere

BUT ALSO I KNOW MOVIES AND SHIT AND THEY WOULDNT JUST MENTION BIO DAD FOR NO REASON (they did in fact)

YES SHANNON STILL HAS A GIRLFRIEND

Coach Lawrence is trying his best

Thus far the pacing of this is pretty good

Oh shit Nari and WHATS his face died, but I swore that wasn’t permanent when they killed WHATS his face the first time

Wait back up, I thought that Heartstone was dead, and now it’s glowing

Lol I love how they have military clearance

ALSO WHERE IS BARBARA

Aja is a wonderful and realistic queen

DAS A BIG HEARTSTONE

THIS IS THE GAYEST SHIT

ALSO WOULD LOVE IT IF THIS SHIT DIDNT WORK, but it did

I love how they brought Nomura back just to kill her

BRUH WHERE IS THE SPHERE SO YALL CAN FIX EVERYTHING

Lol I kinda knew Toby was gonna die when they kept bringing up him being moral support he felt underestimated and the underestimated ones always sacrifice themselves

Also I would be bawling my damn eyes out if it wasn’t for the fact they haven’t used the green time orb yet

Blinky comforting Arrrgh borderline looked like they were kissing

Arrrgh crying though almost got me

Lol I would love it if Jim time travels and when it catches up to the same point that the current timeline is at they’re just at Barbara and Strickler’s wedding.

WAIT HOW FAR BACK IS JIM GOING

ALSO WHY ISNT BARBARA THERE

ALSO CLAIRE AND JIM SAID THE ACTUAL WORDS I LOVE YOU

BUT HOW FAR BACK IS HE GOING WTF

IS THIS THE DAY HE FOUND THE FUCKING AMULET

WTF IS GOING ON

WAIT THESE FUCKS BETTER GIVE ME A MONTAGE OF JIM TRYING TO SLUGHTLY CHANGE THINGS

BRUH HOLD ON I HAD AN IDEA FOR STRICKLER BEING THE TROLLHUNTER BUT HIM NOT BEING ABLE TO WIN SO HE TRIES TO DESTROY THE AMULET AND ENDS UP MEETING WITH ALL THE OTHER TROLLHUNTERS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN AND THEY ALL SEE A FUTURE WHERE JIM WAS THE TROLLHUNTER AND THEREFORE THEY WON

BUT IF TOBY IS THE TROLLHUNTER

also real quick Jim trying to set Strickler up with his mom OMFG

FUCK I WILL CRY

YEP IM CRYING

THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT ON JIM IS SO GOOD

ALSO UPSET NORMURA DIDNT HAVE A SCENE IN THE ALTERNATE TIMELINE

FUCK it’s such a good ending for the series I love it

OKAY IT WAS JONATHAN HYDE BUT WHY WAS HE EXTRA GROWLY

Fuck there’s no more… I just wanna see more, like how the writers and creators think the little differences between timelines will be

I’m literally sitting here staring at the credits screen.

I love how the last bit of credits is the production babies

The ending also explains why there was so much fan service

[tigerdrop]

Cringe is dead, talk to me about the funny half-life men and their relationship

okay here is my essay. it is titled These Guys Actually Like Each Other, and Gordon Freeman Is Just Kind Of A Dick*

(disclaimer: these are just my 2 cents. dont take me too seriously! im just some guy online who has watched this shit too many times.)

first things first. these guys actually like each other. this is a key aspect of their relationship. benrey, obviously and textually, digs gordon freeman - you dont flirt that heavily with guys you arent into, and so much of what he says and does is geared around making gordon crack up. thats pretty gay.

but the counterpart to this is that gordon freemans pretty fucking gay for benrey, too. you may say, “oh, but word of god says its not requited!” and to you i will say: bull shit. gordon is uniquely obsessed with benrey compared to all the other characters. if gordon didnt like the fucking guy, he wouldnt giggle with him and share in-jokes with him and bring him up every 5 seconds when benreys not around. thats concern, bro. thats worry. thats real shit

but i cant blame people for thinking that gordon freeman genuinely doesnt like benrey. benreys partially responsible for some of the worst things that have happened to him, the Arm Thing among them. and gordons very insistent afterward that he doesnt like benrey. he even goes so far as to try to kill benrey a couple times. to this, i must argue that gordon freeman is just kind of a dick.

lets talk facts here. canon. Lore. from the moment we hop into gordons shoes, we can see that he is a jerk to every npc on his way into black mesa. this is his default: a dude who just runs his mouth and says rude shit. he calls tommy a freak within 5 minutes of meeting him. he infantilizes the guy and barely considers him a real scientist. he doubts that bubby is a real name for like no fuckin reason. in “real life”, this is because its funny, and wayne is trying to make a funny half-life stream. in a textual sense, this is because gordon “hlvrai” freeman is a dick. this is the way he acts, consistently, throughout the series.

(brief aside: this is why the whole “gordon is a nice guy and a great dad” characterization baffles me. the way he actually acts in canon is, in short, bitchy and lacking in self-awareness. and i love that for him, i really do. it makes the moments where he just tries to be a nice guy stand out. but thats the thing: his intermittent moments of decency and kindness are not the whole of his personality! this dude kind of sucks most of the time!)

the way that gordons general asshole attitude extends to benrey is complicated. in fairness, benrey makes it his job to annoy the shit out of gordon as much as possible, and that warrants a negative attitude, but gordons pretty paranoid and ends up blaming benrey for nearly everything that happens to him, regardless of if its warranted. this is a pattern he exhibits both before and after the Arm Thing. its a little bit of a dick move! especially considering that, prior to the whole “betrayal” subplot (which was not exactly planned very far in advance), benrey is no more malicious or annoying than anybody else gordons having to travel with.

(okay, this is kind of a subjective evaluation, but still. my point stands that benrey is not any more of a hindrance to his progress than anybody else in the science crew, and neither is he particularly more violent or murderous. hell, gordon freeman has probably killed more guys than benrey. benrey just tends to get.......special treatment.)

all that said, i am still convinced that gordon really fucking likes benrey. please consider with me the following: it would be remarkably easy for gordon to just ignore him and do what he has to do, but he doesnt. he could stop engaging. he could stop thinking about benrey. he could stop bringing benrey up to the rest of the crew every time benrey leaves to do his own thing for awhile. but he doesnt. and, again, yeah, the extra-textual reason for this is “two guys are doing an improv comedy thing and bouncing off of scorpy is kind of the point”, but within the text it reads to me as gordon not being about to get the dude off his mind.

and this is in addition to all the times we see gordon being genuinely nice and receptive toward benrey! its in the little things: laughing the hardest and longest at benreys jokes. only ever reciprocating that stupid underwater “BBBBB” thing with benrey. trying to catch benrey when he falls, despite his insistence moments earlier that benrey should hop in the wack ass crystal generator and get hypermurdered. fondly remarking that benreys sweet voice sounds beautiful. his sort of flustered responses to most of benreys overt flirting. none of this is the way normal people react to a guy they hate. this is all fuckin gay to me, man.

its this combination of the outward insistence that gordon hates benrey with his inner eagerness to be around him and think about him and engage with him that gives off strong “repression” vibes, to me. for whatever reason - pride, embarrassment, resentment - gordon maintains a front of hating the guy and wanting to kill him for a lot of the series, but it doesnt gel with the way he fucking giggles and plays along half the time that benrey starts fucking with him. its a game, and that game is one of the only ways gordon knows to manifest affection for him.

(remember “oh my god, hes got a knife!”? that was the gayest shit i ever seen in my life. tittering like a schoolgirl while benrey chases him around like “im gonna get you haha”. insanity.)

the cool thing about repression is that you can have it manifest in a lot of ways! and this is where things like “headcanons” and “my own personal affection for repressed bisexual men” come in. a lot of how i characterize their relationship is an extrapolation of a lot of things like gordons canonical insecurity issues/anxiety, gordons whole anti-bootboy thing screaming “internet wokeboy who means well but probably has a lot of repressed baggage” to me, etc.

how do you get massive amounts of sexual repression out of what you see in canon, you might ask? well. if wayne would stop having gordon talking about being jerked off by the suit, or talking about chugging a 40-gal drum of potion and having to hold his piss, or worrying about being eaten by benrey the moment he sees benrey at setscale 10, maybe i would have a higher opinion of gordon “hlvrai” freeman and whatever latent psychosexual issues hes got going on. but here we are

i havent even touched yet upon how benrey feels about gordon. this one is helpfully made a little more plain by the fact that benrey very much wants to suck his dick in canon. (i dont even have to go into details. we all know.) but IMO the best part about this ship isnt just that they dig each other, but how. benrey gets overtly flirtatious in the second half of the series, but IMO his preferred method of flirting is just fucking with gordon: chasing him with knives, shoving him around in a bathroom, trying to get scans of his feet. but all in like a slapstick, giggly, fun-and-games sense, you know? at least when it works.

a lot of the time, though, it doesnt work out that way. he clearly just likes doing it whether or not gordon responds positively. which is, you know, Weird. not very nice. but also in line with the way everybody else treats gordon freeman. gordons kind of the universes chew toy in any given universe, and the same holds true here. hes kind of helpless......subjected to 4 demons attempting to make his life as difficult as possible. in a way its cathartic.

sorry. i got sidetracked. anyway, benrey very much likes to mess with him and unnerve him and demean him and i will be perfectly frank with you: that is hot. i have problems and illnesses and one of them is that i am a masochist who goes crazy for that kind of thing. calling gordon a “dirty lil boy” and telling him to “look at the mess [he] made” is some straight up kink scene shit.

i like to imagine that a lot of this behavior isnt caused just by the guy who played him wanting to be funny and antagonistic, but by benrey as a character not really understanding what constitutes “pushing a joke too far”. hes not human, and whatever he is doesnt have a very normative way of understanding the world around him, full of people who actually get hurt for real and die for real. benrey expresses what seems to be genuine surprise and distress after the Arm Thing, as if he didnt know that his actions would have serious consequences. and it doesnt seem to fully sink in afterward, either.

it reads a lot to me like hes used to video game rules and treating people around him like NPCs. if they get hurt, its no big deal, because its not real. he likes jamming random buttons on gordons interface and seeing what comes out. its probably a lot of fun for him, the same way that seeing a streamer or a youtuber suffer for our amusement is fun. its like, you know, in my opinion, gordons very cute when hes frazzled. hes also cute when hes laughing. pushing gordons buttons has a 50/50 chance of either of these things. and this is how he ultimately flirts with gordon: by pulling his pigtails.

but at the same time, benrey does legit care about gordon and knows some boundaries. benreys the one most often shooting at enemies to protect gordon, and he spent most of the last act trying to convince gordon to turn around and not fight him because they were friends (best friends, to be specific). he just lacks a lot of the emotional intelligence it would take to express the feeling of “he digs gordon and likes seeing his face get all red and sweaty regardless of the cause”. and gordon lacks the emotional intelligence it would take to express the fact that he doesnt know if he likes or hates benrey and hes scared as hell that its the former

because, lets be real. unironic benrey-liking is a sign of problems disorder. just look at all these words ive written about it.

can you imagine? this bizarrely powerful, non-human entity that can shrug off gunfire and grow to the size of a building has decided that youre his new plaything. benreys the bored guy booting up skyrim and fucking around in the console, and gordons the hapless favorite follower that hes taken a liking to. its a really fun dynamic IMO

after all this, its safe to say my title is a little misleading. the asterisk stands for * and So Is Benrey, Actually. they are both kind of awful dudes who thrive off of teasing each other and they deserve each other. and i am crazy about it. thank u for coming to my TED talk

[bronte-deserves-better]

Hey @stars-and-splendors! I was your secret santa for the kotlc fandom gift exchange. Sorry this is a little late- I meant to give it to you Christmas day or the day after, but the fic got away from me a little...I hope the wait will have been worth it! 

Without further ado, I present to you: 4.5k words of Keefe and Fitz trying to dance around their feelings for each other, feat. a few moments of shitty parents and some very tired friends/sisters. 

Title: to find what you’re looking for

Summary: 

The war is over. The Neverseen is defeated.

In the new, peaceful world, Keefe and Fitz are attending the Elite Towers, soon to graduate. Yet both of them feel like they're missing something. When Keefe comes up with a scheme to prank their parents, both of their worlds may change forever- with the help of a few exasperated friends and supportive elder gays, of course.

Wordcount: 4514

Warnings: homophobia, internalized homophobia, swearing.

AO3 Link

(Actual fic under the cut)

“Hey. Psst. Fitz.”

Fitz jumped, startled at the voice. “Keefe? Where are you?”

“Over here. Ditching class. Like usual.”

He followed Keefe’s voice to the secluded little hallway that the other boy used for ditching, finding Keefe sprawled out on the bench as usual. “What are you doing here?”

“Ditching class, like I said. What about you, handsome?” Keefe flashed a smirk, which Fitz knew meant he meant that in a joking way. Or, figured, at least.

“Also ditching class.”

“Seriously? That’s not like you, Fitzy.”

Fitz shrugged. “I’m feeling rebellious lately, I guess. It just seems like we’ve all been through so much and yet adults are still trying to tell us what’s good for us, like we weren’t the ones who defeated the Neverseen.”

“Fuck, yeah. That’s definitely. Yeah.” Keefe stared at the ground, suddenly serious. “Everyone’s been like that, huh?”

“Well, not everyone, I guess. Sir Tiergan’s not bad about it, but he fusses so much about me and Sophie.”

“Oh, right, you’re supposed to be in telepathy. Won’t Sophie notice you’re gone?”

“Yeah, but that’s why I’m out here. No one will find me.”

Keefe nodded and patted the bench next to him, straightening up a little. “Come on, there’s room for two.”

“Thanks.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, staring at the white walls of the Level Six wing.

“So,” Keefe said eventually.

“So.”

“You wanna spill about what’s bugging you so much?”

Fitz could feel himself tense, but he forced his muscles to relax a little. Keefe just cared about him because they were friends. Yeah. “I don’t know. I just feel directionless. Like, we defeated the Neverseen and did this whole big thing, and now it’s over. It feels like- no, it is like- I’ve been fighting this war my whole life, Keefe.”

“Cause your dad-“

“Sent me to the Forbidden Cities when I was a child to search for Sophie.”

“Kinda a dick move of him, really.”

“N- Yeah. Yeah, it was a dick move of him.”

Keefe scooted a little closer, and Fitz’s breath caught just a tiny bit. “Hey, I know what it’s like. I mean, my dad never sent me to do illegal shit for him when I was a kid, yeah, but I mean….yeah. Mommy dearest and all. My parents are shit in a different way than your dad, but I get it. So I guess what I’m trying to say is…I’m here for you, and I know that sounds 100% cheesy but I really do mean it.”

“Oh. I mean, thank you. I should probably tell you I’m here for you too, since that really is true as well.” Fitz’s brain was not functioning, he decided.

“Ah, I knew that. You all told me so much back when mommy dearest was fucking up my life. Still, I appreciate it.”

“It’s always been true. Even when we were fighting over Sophie.”

Keefe snorted. “That was weird, honestly. Like, it was so obvious from the start that she wasn’t straight. Must’ve been pretty wild for you when she ended up with your sister, though.”

Fitz shrugged. “I had been over her for a while.” And questioning his sexuality, but he wasn’t going to tell Keefe that. Backers didn’t do that. Vackers weren’t gay- well, except Biana. But that was okay, Fitz knew she wasn’t any worse for it. Still, it wasn’t like he was gay.

“Fitzy boi, you with me?”

“Yeah sorry. Got lost in thought. What were you saying?”

Keefe grinned. “Well, I was saying that on the topic of shitty parents and gayness, I have an excellent way to piss off both our parents.”

“Go on?” Fitz was pretty sure Keefe’s plan would be ridiculously over the top and hilarious, but he was pretty ready to go along with whatever.

“Right, so, you know how there’s an end of year ball for Elite Tower students? Cause we have to be ready for the nobility and all? What if we went together?”

“Are you asking me out?” Fitz blurted.

“Ah, I wish. Nah, I’m asking if you’ll be my fake date to a ball so my dad will have a heart attack. If you’re okay with that, that is. Like, no pressure.” Keefe suddenly looked shy, and Fitz could hardly refuse that look. Besides, it would be fun to give his and Keefe’s dads a collective heart attack.

“Okay, I’m in.”

-

The next two weeks were spent plotting and planning as to how they would pull this off, with Sophie and Biana as their enthusiastic wingwomen.

“Okay, so, Biana’s already planning you guys’ outfits,” Sophie told Keefe as she walked back into her room at Havenfield, where Keefe was currently visiting.

“Tell her to make me look fabulous,” Keefe declared with a great deal of drama, doing his best to flop back onto the bed.

“I will, trust me. But I wanted to ask you about some other stuff related to this, since the Vackers are outfit shopping and you know I don’t do that.”

“Ok, fire away.”

“One, are you asking Fitz to this thing to piss off your dad or because you have a crush on him? Two, how dramatic should your prom-posal be?”

“As dramatic as possible.” Keefe hoped against hope Sophie would forget about her first question. “Like, we’ve got to be extra about it.”

“Ok. And about my first question?”

“I....I’m doing this for a lot of reasons. One, Fitzy boi needs to lighten up a bit. Two, I love him. Three, I would kill to see my dads expression when he finds out.”

“I kinda figured.”

“I’m that obvious? Guess I’ve upped my flirting game.” He shot a wink to Sophie, who just sighed.

“Keefe, you’re never as subtle as you think you are.”

“Damnit.”

“Yeah. Apparently your lack of subtly is only matched by my obliviousness.”

“Well, thankfully for me, Fitz is just as oblivious as you.”

Sophie sighed. “He’s going to find out someday. I did, you know.”

“Well I’ll make sure that day is far away, because he’s way out of my league.”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Nopity nope nope. You two deserve each other, and I mean that in a good way.”

“Stop being so nice,” Keefe whined.

“No can do. Now let’s plan how you’re going to dramatically ask him to elf prom.”

-

The ‘promposal’, as Sophie had deemed it, took place in the atrium of the Gold Tower. They had agreed that Keefe would do the asking, since Sophie was far more interested in arranging a dramatic proposition, and Biana was far more interested in making sure that the two boys would look fantastic for the party. So all Fitz had to do was hang around and wait for his best friend to show up.

Thankfully, Keefe didn’t keep him waiting long, sweeping into the room like he owned the place. Maybe he did own Foxfire, really, the gorgeous boy who could charm people with a wink. He was certainly charming Fitz, not that Fitz was going to tell him that.

“Hello, my dearest Fitz!”

“Hey, Keefe.”

“I have a question of utmost importance for you.” By now, Keefe had come close enough that Fitz could see a hint of a blush staining the other’s pale cheeks.

“Oh, go on?”

“Wellllll.” Keefe dragged out the word, fidgeting with something behind his back, which he whipped out to reveal a gorgeous bouquet with flowers of silver, gold, and elegant teal. “Will you be my date to the end of year ball?”

This is staged. This is all staged. He’s not really interested in you, Fitz reminded himself. Still, he must have sounded a little breathless when he replied. “Yes, I would love to.”

“Well then I shall await you at the bottom of the staircase two weeks from now!” Keefe bowed dramatically and handed him the flower arrangement.

“I’ll be there,” Fitz promised quietly, flowers tickling his chin and Keefe’s grin making his cheeks heat.

“Oh, wonderful.” Keefe smirked again and practically danced away as the rest of the prodigies stared at the two of them.

-

“I hear you caused quite the scene today.”

Keefe jumped, looking around and then finally down to see who had said that. “Oh, hi, Councillor Grumpypants. What are you doing here?”

Bronte glared at him without much real anger. “Sophie and I’s session is in this tower, remember? I’m just waiting on this landing because someone’s using our classroom right now.”

“Right, gotcha.” Keefe fiddled with the hem of his tunic, trying not to seem too nervous. “Do you disapprove of scene-causing? Seems like a pretty old and grumpy thing to do.”

“Ha ha. I might have few qualms about distracting other prodigies, but I see no harm in you asking Fitz to the end of year ball. Honestly, it doesn’t seem all that surprising that you did.”

“Do I vibe as that gay?”

“I have no idea what you mean by vibe, but yes, I assumed you were queer.”

Keefe snorted. “Okay, so even the old people think I’m hopelessly in love with my best friend.”

“Well, not exactly all that,” Bronte said dryly, “But as the…how did Zarina put it? ‘Gayest motherfucker on the Council’, I know a baby queer when I see one.”

“Gayest motherfucker on the Council…that’s fabulous.”

“Indeed. Now I have a session to get to, and I’m sure you do too, but…good luck with your date.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m sure it will go well, and trust me, Leto will shut down anyone who tries to give you shit for it pretty damn quickly.”

“Good to know.” Keefe watched the older elf hurry away and up the stairs, muttering under his breath about ‘need to get an actual timepiece one of these days’. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all…

-

Fitz was pretty sure both Sophie and Sir Tiergan could tell he wasn’t actually concentrating that day in telepathy, too busy thinking about teal-and-silver flowers and Keefe’s little blush. Could Keefe really like him like that? Why did he even want Keefe to like him like that?

Sophie didn’t seem to mind, just sending him a few knowing looks, although Tiergan seemed vaguely worried. “Fitz, are you with us?”

“Oh, yeah! Sorry, Sir Tiergan.”

“There’s really no need to call me sir,” Tiergan sighed, for about the thousandth time since Sophie and Fitz had started telepathy sessions together. “Really. And no need to apologize either, you just seem a little distant today.”

“Probably got a lot on his mind,” Sophie spoke up, nudging Fitz gently. “I know I’d have a lot on my mind if someone brought me flowers and asked me to a ball.”

“Ah, yes. Do try to concentrate on your telepathy, but I can understand that.” Tiergan shot Fitz a gentle smile, and Fitz ducked his head and nodded. 

The session went by fast enough, and before Fitz knew it, the session was over and Tiergan was asking him to stay back. “Not for long, I don’t want to make you later, but I figured I’d check in.”

“O- okay.”

“See you, Fitz!” Sophie called. “I’m going to go tease our lovely friend about how blushy he gets around you!”

“Bye,” Fitz called, and Tiergan smiled again.

“I was actually going to talk to you about that ‘lovely friend’, assuming that’s Keefe?”

Fitz stared at the slightly shorter elf, debating what to say. “Yeah- yeah, that’s him.”

“I guessed so.” Tiergan fiddled with his sleeves for a moment, seeming uncharacteristically hesitant. “I wanted to tell you that you two are very brave for this- it’s not unheard of, but it will be a shock. That, and I hope it will be somewhat easier for you than it was for me when I was your age.”

“You’re-“

“Have you seen the way I look at Leto?”

Fitz had to admit that was a fair point. “I guess I should have known earlier, but I didn’t want to assume.”

“Very polite of you, but I would find it more than fair to assume my queerness based off my general demeanor,” Tiergan said wryly. “Anyways, to bring us back around to our original topic of conversation, I also wanted to let you know that you have Leto and I’s full support. If anyone gives you shit for this, I want you to tell me and I will ensure they don’t get away with it.”

“Benefits of having the principal for a boyfriend,” Fitz muttered before he could think to stop himself, and then clapped a hand over his mouth. “I’m so sorry, I’ve been hanging out with Keefe too much.”

Tiergan flushed lightly. “No, no, you’re right. Though I will say, Leto has spent a long time trying to protect students who are cast out or fall through the cracks. Now that he’s in a position of power, neither of us have qualms about using it to help any student who could use it. So please, come to me or Leto if you need anything, or anyone bothers you. And I’m not saying that because I pity you or anything of the sort, but because I wish some adult had told me this when I was your age.”

“Oh.”

The older elf smiled sadly. “Indeed. But now I get to make sure the next generation has it better than I did, and that’s something.”

Fitz nodded. “I think that’s a really kind thing.”

“Thank you. It’s really the bare minimum of what I could do, but…somehow I never find the time to help out as much as I would like.” Tiergan glanced at the clock. “Anyways, I’m making you late for your next session, so hurry on your way. You can tell your mentor I kept you late and to take it up with me if they’ve got a problem.”

“Okay!” Maybe this wasn’t such a terrible plan after all…

-

The end-of-year-ball was approaching quickly, and Keefe’s nerves grew as quickly as the days between now and then passed. Which was very quickly, what with finals coming up. Fitz and Keefe were studying for them together, of course, which made for a lot of late nights in each of their rooms in the Silver Tower, laughing, talking, and pretending to quiz each other on the material but not getting far without getting distracted. Fitz was always beautiful, Keefe thought, but perhaps the most lovely when he was sitting in the cozy room, laughing at some silly thing Keefe had said or brandishing flashcards mock-sternly. His eyes shone a little in the silvery lighting, and his hair fell across his face cutely, and Keefe might have been a tiny bit in love. Just a bit.

So they kept hanging out together, one night after another. Sometimes they talked about fun things like baking or pranking, sometimes they talked about serious things like the past or the Black Swan, and (rarely) they studied. And before they knew it, they had passed all their finals and it was time for a ball.

-

Fitz fiddled with the clasp of his cape one last time as Biana put the final touches on his hairstyle. “Are you sure this is good enough?”

“Please, I know good fashion when I see it.” His sister flipped her hair, and then shot him a reassuring smile. “Keefe will pass the fuck out, in a good way. And all the stuffy nobles will think you look fabulous right before you dance with one of their sons.”

“How do you pass out in a good way?”

“I mean that you’ll knock everyone dead. Boys. Honestly.”

Biana turned him around to look at himself in the mirror, and Fitz did have to admit that she’d done a good job. He was wearing an elegant tunic in a shade of medium blue, nearly cobalt, and a much darker jerkin over that which faded from green to blue with elegant silver embroidery over it. His cape followed a similar color scheme, and it fit perfectly, falling around his shoulders and down to the ground, where the hem was also embroidered with silver and tiny flecks of lumenite. Biana had styled his hair slightly asymmetrical, more so than he would usually wear it, and sprinkled tiny bits of silver across that too. He didn’t know if he was drop-dead gorgeous per se, but it was an outfit he could feel confident in.

“Okay, you did a good job,” Fitz admitted.

“Of course I did. Now get on down there and knock them dead.”

His nerves only increased as he descended the staircase, despite his endless repetitions of ‘it’s not a real date’. It didn’t matter how much he said that, the fluttery feeling in his stomach about Keefe seeing him all dressed up was not going away.

When he reached the bottom, Keefe was already standing there, and Fitz momentarily forgot how to breathe. The other boy’s equally intricate ice blue jerkin matched his eyes perfectly, and his blonde hair had little bits of pure gold braided into the parts that were long enough to do small braids on. The rest was artfully messed as ever, but in the sort of way that made you think Keefe had spent a long time getting it perfect. His silvery boots made a click click noise on the silver floor as he stepped to greet Fitz, and Fitz had to blink a few times to get his mouth to work again.

“Hey there, Fitzy boi.”

“Hey.” It was a pitiful greeting, but it was the best he could really manage at the particular moment. “You look…really incredible.”

“And you’re as stunning as ever.” Keefe’s grin seemed less confident than usual, a hint of genuine shyness behind it as Keefe ducked his head a little.

“Flatterer.”

“Only the right level of flattery for you.” Keefe extended his arm. “Shall we go?”

Still barely breathing, Fitz took his arm as they headed for the Leapmaster.

-

Fitz was stunning. Beyond stunning. He was some entirely new level of gorgeous that Keefe would have to invent a word for when his brain started working again, which he doubted would be anytime soon given Fitz’s close proximity to him. Standing at the bottom of that staircase, all dressed up in his finery, he had truly looked like an heir to the Vacker Legacy, but he was so much more than that. Whether he’d been born a Vacker or into the least-well off Talentless family, Fitz would always have been kind, unique, handsome Fitz, and Keefe would have loved him just the same. Keefe doubted the courage and strength that Fitz always carried with him would be any different had he been born to a different family, doubted there was any universe in which Fitz wasn’t his gorgeous, fierce self.

He managed to concentrate enough to get them safely to the ballroom, although if he hadn’t, he had no doubt Fitz would have more than made up for it with his ridiculously strong concentration. Speaking of strength, Fitz was gripping Keefe’s hand tightly as they arrived, and Keefe squeezed back gently, staring over the crowded ballroom.

Tonight, nobles, parents, and Elite Tower students all mingled, a preparation for balls and parties that the Elite Tower students would likely attend later in life. It was a much looked-forward-to event. And Keefe and Fitz, two male prodigies, would be attending it together, which was an extremely rare occurrence. In fact, Keefe could already see people staring at them in their position on the landing.

He squeezed Fitz’s hand again. “Let’s go down to the dance floor, shall we?”

Fitz nodded shakily, and they descended the staircase arm in arm. The staring only increased, but if Keefe pretended that it was just girls staring at him in Level Four because they thought he was hot again, he could mostly ignore it.

What was harder to ignore were the furious parents sweeping over to them.

“Keefe, I can’t believe you would disgrace the family like this-“

“So good to see you with your friend, Fitz.” Alden looked like he was speaking through gritted teeth. Keefe would have liked to punch those teeth right out of his mouth.

“I know, Keefe is a wonderful boyfriend.” Fitz’s voice was calm, but electric blue spirals of fear drifted through Keefe’s emotional ‘vision’.

Before Alden had a chance to say anything further, Della lightly tugged his arm. “Let’s go say hi to the Glixina family, darling.” She shot them a tiny smile, prompting a wave of soft purple relief from Fitz as Alden allow himself to be dragged off.

Unfortunately for Keefe, Cassius was not so easily dissuaded. “Really, Keefe. Parading around with boys on your arm-“

“I make my own choices,” Keefe muttered.

“And is one of them this?”

Keefe forced himself to look up and smirk. “Nah, I didn’t choose to fall in love with him. Just to ask him out.”

Cassius sputtered more, but before he could gather the coherence to say anything, Tiergan had come sweeping over with all the frozen grace of a swan. “Excuse me, Lord Sencen. My dear friend Leto would like a word with you about your son. I’m sure you understand that some matters are very important.”

“Well, Sir Tiergan, I’m in the middle of speaking to said son currently.”

“This truly cannot wait. Please, follow me.” Tiergan swept away again, practically dragging Cassius in his wake.

Sorry about that, Tiergan’s voice echoed in Keefe’s head. Leto will thoroughly lecture him about all this, I promise. And you don’t have to talk to him anymore tonight if you don’t want to, we arranged the ball and we can keep him away from you.

Keefe startled, squeezing Fitz’s hand. “Fitz-“

“Yeah?”

“Can you transmit something to Tiergan? He just told me that he’d keep my dad away from us, I want to thank him.”

Fitz flashed a tiny, hesitant smile. “As you wish.” He closed his (stunning, lovely) eyes briefly, and then blinked them open again. “Sent. He says ‘of course, let me know if you need anything else’.”

“Thanks, Fitzy boi.” Keefe offered a grin of his own. “Now that the parents are out of the way…may I have this dance?”

“Of course.”

The dance steps were familiar, and that was lucky, since Keefe wasn’t exactly paying good attention to what he was doing. Not after everything that had just happened- and not when Fitz had a hand on his waist. Elven music wasn’t as good to lose yourself in as the human music Sophie had showed him, but Keefe found it pretty easy to get lost just focusing on Fitz. The music swirled around them, and the floor was steady under their feet, and even the stares of others weren’t so noticeable when it was just the two of them dancing together. One step. Another. Always in rhythm. Keefe wondered a little if this was what it was like for Cognates, if their minds synced the way dance partners who knew each other well did. He had to admit to a little jealousy that he would never know what the kind of bond felt like, but…hey. It was pretty okay to be an empath, especially since he could see Fitz’s bubbling pink-and-blue happiness float through the air. It might have been a difficult, nerve-wracking entrance, but Fitz was happy to be dancing with Keefe and that was all Keefe could really ask for. Although…Keefe frowned at the slight mist of green sorrow hanging around the other, tempering his joy and keeping the bubbles from floating as far as they should have.

“Hey, Fitz.”

“Yeah?”

“You good?”

“Yeah- yeah, I am.”

They took another few steps in silence.

“Hey, Keefe?”

“Yeah?”

Fitz sucked in a slow breath, and a few lines of tension pulled around his form. “When you told your dad that you had fallen in love with me…”

Shit. “Yeah?”

“Your heart didn’t skip any beats.”

It was Keefe’s turn to suck in a breath and try to find something, anything to say in reply to that. “Maybe- I mean, I was mostly trying to piss him off.” He could feel his treacherous heart skip one-two-three this time.

“I felt your heart skip that time.”

“Okay, so….maybe I liked you. A little. Or a lot. And maybe I think you’re handsome and brave and kind and all that, and maybe I asked you to the ball partially because my dad would be mad but partially because I just wanted to be with you but you’re Fitz fucking Vacker and I’ve never had a chance-“ Keefe forced himself to take a breath and a step back from Fitz, unable to bear feeling the other’s emotions as well as his own right now.

“Keefe, wait, I-“ Fitz reached out a hand, and then pulled it back. “I love you too. And I think you should know that because no matter how much better you think I am than you, or whatever, you’re always going to be the guy who pulled me out of my shy little shell as a kid and then kept doing it, over and over and over. You’re always going to be the guy who stuck with me even when I was a major jerk, the guy who helped pull me out of my shell again and realize I wasn’t as straight as everyone thought. And more than that, you’re Keefe. I know you think that’s a bad thing, but it’s not. It’s the highest compliment I could give.”

People were staring at them again.

Keefe barely noticed. “Give me your hand.”

“As you wish.” Fitz held out his hand, and Keefe pushed his empathy out to the other. A little hint of fear, of nervousness… lingering joy from the moments before, and beneath that, glowing golden hope. No guilt, no shame. Nothing to make him think Fitz was in any way lying even if what the other boy had just said seemed too good to be true.

“You really- you really love me like that?”

“Yeah.” Fitz laughed, a little sadly. “It took me forever to notice, but I should have known the day you asked if we could go to the ball together. Or before that, even.”

“Well I fucking love you too. Have since we were young, really, but Sophie fucked with my brain and I didn’t see it until you and Sophie broke up. I thought I was jealous of you, but...all this time, I’ve been jealous of her.”

Fitz’s smile was so, so gentle. “I’m sorry it took me so long to realize.”

“And I’m sorry I didn’t just ask you out the day I suggested this whole fake dating,” Keefe joked. “Seriously, you took your time, but…that’s okay. I was willing to wait.”

And the gorgeous teal-eyed boy who Keefe was starting to realize might be his reached out a hand to cup Keefe’s cheek. “Do you mind if I kiss you?”

“What a scandal it’ll be.” Keefe wasn’t sure he was actually breathing. “But no, I don’t mind.”

So Fitz kissed him in front of the entire goddamn ballroom, and Keefe couldn’t have been happier.

[nowhereclosetoit]

Even More Gay Shit in “The Goldfinch”

Specifically, Chapter 6: i-iv, because that showcases some of Theo’s finest internalised homophobic hours and some of the gayest shit surrounding Boris.

So, I was rereading “The Goldfinch” and I forgot how fucking gay Theo’s dumbass is in parts i. – iv. at the beginning of Chapter 6, like, it fucking SENT me. After reading some of Theo’s finest examples of internalised homophobia and general headassery, I decided that I needed to collect the gayest selection of quotes from this specific part and analyse them and their gayness accordingly, because once again, it’s lockdown, God is dead and I killed Her with this fucking essay.

Theo’s internalised homophobia and feelings towards Boris are depicted especially strongly at the beginning of Chapter 6 – The Wind, Sand and Stars due to the introduction of Boris’ girlfriend, Kotku. Theo clearly portrays Kotku as a threat to his and Boris’ relationship, without ever giving a valid (heterosexual explanation) answer why: a) she poses such a threat to their “friendship” – oh no wait sorry their “there was not exactly a word for Boris and me”-ship, or b) why he’s so upset by her being in a relationship with Boris. He tries to rationalise this by saying that it’s just Kotku that he has a problem with and that there were “Lots of other, better girls our own age [that] liked Boris”, however, it’s clear that he has a problem with anyone taking Boris away from him.

Theo is overly harsh of Kotku and we never receive an unbiased presentation of her. He’s always trying to make her come off worse than she probably is and make it sound ludicrous that Boris is in a relationship with her, specifically. To try and justify this behaviour, he often follows comments like these on with something that sounds reasonable and rational – this also helps to highlight his ignorance to his feelings for Boris as this clearly depicts his jealousy towards Boris being close/in a relationship/spending time with someone that isn’t him.

Theo’s problem with Kotku can only be explained through jealousy, there is literally no other way to interpret why he hates her so much, after all, if she treats Boris well and makes him happy, why should Theo, his supporting bestest friend have a problem with that? (Because he’s fucking jealous).

I’m going to work through each segment of the chapter through quotes I’ve picked out to fully show how fucking ridiculous this part is – it sends me every fucking time I read it so I need a log of all the gay shit.

Summary of the points I’m trying to make by showing you all this:

Theo clearly presents his relationship with Boris to have grown closer since the last chapter, so close in fact that they “were so attuned to each other” that they didn’t need to talk to each other to communicate properly, and that Boris knew “just where [Theo] was weakest, the spot under the blade where he could dig his fingers”. He’s set the scene to depict this intimate and intense relationship they now have after spending almost a year living together and spending all their time together. The closeness of their relationship can clearly be paralleled with that of a romantic relationship from these descriptors alone but are intensified by the following.

The quotes highlighted above in green clearly show Theo’s jealousy towards Boris now spending more time with Kotku than he is with Theo. Obviously, it’s natural to miss your friends and to want to spend time with them if they’re spending more time with other people or their partner, but the way Theo depicts his feelings here can only be read as jealousy.

If this wasn’t enough, Theo makes Kotku seem like she’s really boring (“The name Kotku…makes her sound more interesting than she was”, “she’d lived in Clark County, Nevada her whole life”), a horrible person (“the glare she slid over me was anxiety provoking”), and unattractive, despite not really getting to know her and give her a chance.

Theo also tries to tell us that he cannot remember Kotku’s real name and puts her down so that it comes across like she meant and her presence in his life meant nothing to him. He does this constantly throughout the chapter. (We should keep a running count of how many times he says something like “Kotku…or WHATEVER her name was, I can’t remember because she was so BORING and INSIGNIFICANT to my life, that I just simply cannot remember her name! Oh but I can by chance remember the exact outfit Boris was in a whilst proclaiming his undying love for Kotku, he was also running his hands through his hair which I totally don’t have a boner for!”.)

He even goes as far to hit Boris “hard” because he was “in no mood” to hear about Boris’ feelings for Kotku. That’s jealousy, baby!

ii. – And this is over 3 pages

Summary:

He’s pretending not to know Kotku’s name again, and also reinforcing that “or whatever” part,

Shows his #jealous streak again as he says Kotku “virtually assumed ownership of Boris”, like bitch, calm the fuck down,

Shows even more jealousy,

Key word – “embarrassed”, keep note for later as this appears when Theo has to head on deal with some gay shit and does not want to deal with said gay shit so he feels embarrassed and that’s on internalised homophobia,

Says he found Kotku “disturbing” and the reasons as to why he did find her disturbing, Boris liked – shows how he’s gay! Because he hates women! Unless they’re Pippa or his mom! Jokes! Or is it…

And there’s even more bullying towards Kotku who is yet to do something offensive to Theo.

iii. – 1 page

Summary:

I think these ones are pretty self-explanatory,

AND!!! There’s the last quote which I think is really interesting because it’s an example of Theo comparing activities he does with Boris that he would, hypothetically, do with a girl on a date, like…ok bro. That’s fucking gay. He does this again somewhere too, but I can’t remember where.

iv. – Ok, so, this is the big one where he owns up to his totally no homo shenanigans, there’s a lot to unpack from this entire part, strap yourselves in.

(For the key in this part, assume anything unhighlighted corresponds to the yellow on the chart, as there was too much of it and it looked really ugly so I removed it.)

Mini Summary Before the Really Gay Shit:

Theo is an oblivious dumbass who totally likes Boris in a very homo way, so much so that he fucking despises our queen Kotku. He also is obviously clouded by internalised homophobia because he cannot realise that he does in fact like Boris.

v – What I’m going to look at here is what the fuck is going on and why Theo’s explaining it in the way he is.

My thoughts are going to be in bullet points here because there’s SO much to analyse.

Theo clearly shows how he’s fucking head over heels for this Boris bitch. Just read like all of it.

He tries to describe it like he doesn’t care that much, and I mean, you can just tell that the motherfucker’s lying. Like seriously, dude. Like the whole part where he’s like “I didn’t want BORIS to get the WRONG IDEA! Wouldn’t that be fucking gay? HAHAHAH, not me! I’m heterosexual!”. He’s saying he wants to “make things clear” with Boris to “make absolutely sure he didn’t have the wrong idea” and personally, I think this is either because he’s completely fucked with internalised homophobia or he’s just dealing with the “rejection” from Boris because Boris is from Kotku. Maybe he’s saying this to make rejection hurt less?

I also want to talk about Boris’ possible side in this whole thing. We never see Boris’ point of view of this shit because this entire book is just Theo wallowing in self-pity (dude, get a fucking therapist, I’m begging you). Do you think that Boris maybe got with Kotku because he knew Theo was fucked with internalise homophobia and thought that maybe meant that Theo didn’t vibe with the shit they were doing? Or, do you think he did it because HE was dealing with shit like, “Oh, boy! Do I like girls? Or….like what’s happening here?”

IN CONCLUSION:

This was just an excuse for me to gather all the gay shit and write down some thoughts. That’s IT! I am ILLITERATE at this point tbh.