#he had no right to be mad with penelope in the book

[dancingdorito]

it's 2023 and therefore to me it is polin's year. so here are some things i want from s3:

kanthony being in their honeymoon phase

pen and colin being compared to violet and edmund

"well? are you going to marry me or not?"

i know this is insignificant but i like the existence of the smythe-smith musicales

RECAST SIMON (it makes me uncomfy that he's absent)

edwina gets closure somehow - i know charithra is not going to be in the season i just want like kate to say something about how she found love or a passion in a career or something

polin communicating without words across a room cuz i think that dynamic is funny

"i love you with everything i am, everything i've been, and everything i hope to be." no cuz if that line is not referenced in some small way i will be so upset

kate getting pregnant - i just want more kanthony tbh

colin has a less lame reaction to pen's identity as LW because his reaction in the book honestly pissed me off so bad cuz he was just JEALOUS

*intense eye searching across the ballroom*

at least one bridgerton sibling to be like "well fucking finally" when polin get engaged

i know a lot of people don't like portia but i still think her show character has potential to redeem herself somehow

polin hug: i know this is bare minimum but hug in friends to lovers relationships just hit harder than kisses i can't explain

more violet and lady danbury scheming

frannie meeting john

peneloise making with BOTH of them apologizing (but pen deserves an apology more thats just my opinion)

i feel like it's obvious to say that i want both the carriage and mirror scene but i'll include it anyway

i don't want ONE weight comment about penelope by any one in the ton. please i'm begging.

pen bonding w the rest of the bridgerton squad (especially anthony kate and violet)

i would love to hear anyone else's expectations as i'm sure mine have been repeated several times <3

[rukminis]

I have a theory about Lady Tilley Arnold in the show and how it might be an indication that the next season is Benedict's (please gods, let it be Benedict's), here we go

SPOILERS for Bridgerton season 3 and An Offer From a Gentleman under the cut!

Right, so I was pretty mad when they introduced yet another love interest so flippantly for Benedict, but I rewatched the portions with Lady Tilley and there are two things that go unexplained.

1. She mentions that she had a husband, and had had several seasons to mourn him already

2. She was arguing with a solicitor when Benedict called on her, and never properly explained why

I'm hoping Part 2 will give us more insight, but here's what I make of this, and the book comes into play now.

What if Lady Tilley is a shoe-in for Araminta?

The circumstances do seem similar: Araminta also married Sophie's father, the Earl, shortly before he died. Tilley didn't mention having children at all, so either she hid the fact that she had daughters from Benedict, or she doesn't have children in the show at all.

And funnily enough, not having step-siblings would really add to Sophie's story, because Tilley might certainly be bitter about the fact that she didn't get to produce a rightful heir to her husband's estate and the only remaining person with an actual blood relation to the Earl is Sophie. It would also serve as such a great plot point for why Araminta/Tilley might torture Sophie in the show.

On to the second point, Tilley was arguing with a solicitor. When Benedict asked, she just explained it away saying he was overcharging her, but what if it was more?

What if, like the books, the late Earl left everything to his ward Sophie and Araminta/Tilley was trying to get the solicitor to hide or edit out that portion in her favour? Araminta did conceal and lie about the will to Sophie in the books, so it isn't too much of a stretch to have that in the show too.

If we assume Tilley married her husband in her early 20s, he died in her mid 20s, and she's now in her early 30s, it still gives us a huge time span for her to raise (read: enslave) Sophie for more than half a decade.

ALSO, in a promo reel where Bridgerton cast members were associating this season with emojis, Luke Newton said 'drama masks'. Yes it could be about Penelope's mask as Whistledown coming off, but Benedict and Sophie's storyline is centered around the masquerade ball, which also involves masks.

Eloise's midnight deadline for Penelope to reveal herself (in the part 2 teaser) also seems significant to me because it's a converging point for the drama. And Sophie escaped the masquerade ball at midnight in the book.

I'm thinking that, at some point during the last two episodes, Violet hosts her masquerade ball. Benedict meets Sophie like the books, even leaves Tilley alone to dance with this mystery woman. And when midnight approaches, Penelope reveals herself as Whistledown.

There will, naturally, be pandemonium. Benedict might even have to rush to Colin and Pen's rescue, he's a Bridgerton after all. And in this chaos, Sophie leaves. That very night, Tilley realises that Sophie went to the ball. Not only is she angry that her little servant flouted her orders, she is mad because Sophie stole her man's attention away. And she casts Sophie out (we may actually see this whole POV in the next season though, so hmph).

But I think this season will end with Benedict coming out of the masquerade utterly smitten, and vowing to find the woman in the mask who has won over his heart. And that's how his season will begin.

Unless they decide to break my heart and pursue Francesca's story.

Ah well. Let's see haha.

[onceuponaoneshotfanfic]

Hey, I just read your Derry Girls 'your mum rang me' oliver wood one shot and was wondering if you could do like a weasley reader (maybe percys twin) and do the scene in last series in Derry Girls where erin and james kiss and Michelle is like 'this is incest!'

No problem if can't and sorry if I've spoiled!!! X

We're Not Related

Oliver Wood x Weasley!Reader 0.9k words Warnings: some kissing, potential Derry Girls spoilers Sorry this took so long! I've been in an absolute writing funk that I'm finally coming out of. Thank you for this request, I love getting to steal Derry Girls dialogue! I cackled writing this!

~

Oliver gazed down with a smile. His girlfriend- Merlin, he really got to call her his girlfriend!- was laying on his bed reading a book. The quiet, private time together made faking sick and skipping a trip to Hogsmeade worth it.

A tiny, quiet part of Oliver felt kind of guilty. As much as he tried to deny it, deep down inside he really did consider Percy Weasley a friend. Probably his best friend, oddly enough. The three of them had hung out regularly since their second year, sometimes adding Penelope Clearwater to the mix. So going behind his back and dating his twin sister was…. not something Oliver felt great about. But he wasn’t ready for whatever fallout would follow Percy finding out about them.

Instead, he watched her, her Weasley-red hair splayed out beneath her, his heart full of the affection he’d been carrying for the past three months. As if she could feel the heat of his gaze, she looked up, scrunching her freckled nose.

“You’re staring at me,” she observed with a little hum.

“And?” Oliver replied, his soft smile morphing into a smirk.

She shrugged, putting down her book. “D’you need something?”

Oliver helped her sit up and pulled her close to himself. “Nah, got everything I need right here.”

It was a cheesy line. Incredibly lame. It should have made her roll her eyes. But because it was Oliver Wood who said it, gazing at her with those honey eyes, his arms doing that flexing thing that drove her mad, it actually worked. Before she knew it, she and Oliver were locked in an embrace, lips moving in sync, hands gripping tight to wherever they landed. Just as Oliver was gently pushing her back onto the bed, the door opened-

“Oh, you sick, sick bastards.”

Percy Weasley stood in the doorway, Honeydukes package in his hand, his face even paler than usual as his wide eyes surveyed the scene before him.

His twin sister sat up, fixing her hair. “Listen, Percy-”

“This is incest!” Percy sputtered, absently tossing the chocolates onto his own bed. Chocolates he had bought in hopes that it would cheer up his supposedly sick roommate.

His definitely-not-sick roommate made a face. “No, it’s not.”

Percy nodded. “Yes, it is, Oliver.”

“We’re not related,” Oliver pointed out, gesturing between himself and the girl who should absolutely not be in the boys’ dorm, let alone on Oliver’s bed.

“Oh, and that makes it okay, I suppose?” Percy had never felt this level of disgust and abhorrence, and maybe even a little betrayal.

His sister snorted. “Well, it makes it not incest,” she mumbled.

Percy was pacing the small room at this point, his face now beginning to redden and match his smattering of freckles. “Right. Okay. I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt, and say that Oliver had a very nasty head injury from last night’s practice, and you-” He pointed to his sister. “-drank a botched batch of Amortentia, which has caused you to think that Wood here is an appropriate snogging partner.”

She huffed, now officially tired of her brother’s nonsense. “This is none of your business, Perce.”

The prefect’s face now matched his tie. “Oh, but it is, troll face.” His resorting to childhood insults was a sure sign of his anger. “It is very much my business. This can’t happen, okay? You two can’t get together because, putting aside the face that it makes me want to hurl, if you get together, you’ll break up, and then where does that leave me, Wood?” His gaze turned to Oliver, begging his roommate to understand. “You might be my best friend, but she’s my sister, and like it or not, I’ll have to stick with her. Don’t put me in that position.”

Oliver jumped off the bed and rushed to Percy’s side, placing a hand gently on the Weasley boy’s shoulder. “I’m your best friend, Weasley?” His honey eyes were wide, full of wonder.

“Of course,” Percy scoffed. “Aren’t I yours?”

For the first time, Oliver said the words every other Gryffindor already knew: “Yeah, you’re my best friend, Percy.”

The two boys stood, smiling at each other, relieved to finally admit their fondness for one another after years of grumbling whenever someone called them anything more than roommates.

The sound of someone clearing their throats brought them out of their tender moment.

“That’s great and all,” Percy’s sister- no, Oliver’s girlfriend- murmured. “But that doesn’t solve Percy’s… issue.”

Oliver’s cheeks reddened. “Right. Right.” He turned back to his best friend. “Listen, Weasley.” He straightened himself up. “I really like your sister. And we’ve been together three months now, and I’d like to keep seeing her. But I also don’t want to keep it secret from you anymore.” He shrugged. “I dunno. If you can’t trust your best friend to treat your sister right, who can ya trust?”

Percy narrowed his eyes a moment, turning over Oliver’s words in his mind. He had a point.

“You know if you hurt her, I know plenty of spells, right? And I’m not exactly going to punish myself for breaking any rules?”

Oliver nodded earnestly. “Yeah, yeah I know.” He gave Percy a small smack on the back. “We’re good then?”

With a sigh, Percy nodded. “We’re good.” He smiled at Oliver, the two of them officially lost in their own world.

Back on the bed, there came a small sigh. “Merlin, I wish we’d just kept this a secret.”

[radiant-reid]

Angst/fluff blurb where Spence tells reader they need to take a break it shatters reader and it takes awhile for her to move on and when she finally does Spencer realizes that he made a giant mistake the ending is up to you AS always!! 💙

i just know too many people with this hairstyle that are dicks for him not to be a dick

When you first met him, you would not have labeled Spencer as closed off. He's intelligent, kind, and hilarious. Everything one could want in a boyfriend.

And, of course, he's totally obsessed with you.

He was open, too, more honest than you expected he would be after the years of trauma he'd been through. Getting to know him was like reading a book he was narrating.

But he's not now. He's so absent that when you're around him, in his apartment, all you feel is cold chilling you to your bones. "We need to talk about this." You tell him, waiting for him to sit down in front of him.

He's pacing, and it's annoying you. "We need a break." He says shortly, voice void of emotion.

"Sit down." You urge, your heart clenching painfully. Just those four words are enough to have tears developing in your eyes. "We can talk about whatever is bothering you."

There's been an issue for a few weeks that you've both been dancing around, but it's come to a head when he refused to speak to you on the jet home from your last case.

But you can't lose him. You're too in love with him.

"Please, Spence." You beg, quickly trying to wipe up your tears so you don't look weak.

He looks you up and down with nothing on his face again. "You should go."

No one had ever broken your heart that easily. He didn't even have to say anything hurtful, just a couple of detached sentences and emotionless looks.

So you take the tiny amount of self-respect you feel you have left and walk right out the door, not willing yourself to break down until you you're home and alone to bawl your eyes out.

You keep your knees tucked to your chest on the kitchen floor of your apartment, breathing so unevenly that you start hiccuping as you sob. You trusted him with everything about you because you knew there was no way he'd break you, but you ended up heartbroken.

Penelope knows something's wrong when you don't reply to her calls. She had been hoping Spencer wouldn't end things when it felt too difficult, but she found you heartbroken on the tiles, and she knew he fucked up.

You're not at work for a week after that, missing an entire case with a false claim of illness. Spencer knows something's wrong, and he ignores it, pushing it down like he does to all of the darkness inside him.

Your determination not to let him beat you is what forces you back with a smile on your face and a new haircut, cliche but you can't bring yourself to care.

Spencer's breathless when he sees you, and he knows he looks much worse with his messy hair, unshaven face, and sunken eyes. He doesn't look like he's slept in as long as you've been away.

'Fake it until you make it' is your strategy, and it works externally. To everyone, including Spencer, it looks like you're doing well. A month on, and you're getting set up with Morgan's friends. It's only casual, but it's giving the appearance you're getting back to your old self. As much as you still want Spencer, you can't have him, and as dumb as it seems, you figure pretending to be happy will eventually make you happy.

He knows it when you ask Rossi if you can bring someone to his house for family dinner, and that time he's crying to Penelope.

"You know, I'm actually mad at you." She tells him. "And I hate being mad at you because I hate being mad, but you have wronged that girl, caused her an indescribable amount of pain and broken her heart." It's not the comfort he's looking for, but he knows he doesn't deserve compassion. "You either need to make it right or leave her alone."

He's known that for a while, but hearing it actually compels him to do something. "Thank you." He says quietly, leaving her Batcave in a desperate search for you.

He finds you getting into the elevator, and walks in after you. It's just exactly what you don't want on a Friday afternoon, and you can't understand it when you're previous silent agreement has been to avoid each other.

You don't look at him, gulping as you stare at the floor. "Y/n." He says softly before clearing his throat. "Can we talk?"

Your eyes snap to his with anger. "Really? Now?" You ask furiously, letting out the irritation that had been simmering in you. "When I want to talk, you break up with me, and now you want to talk just because I'm finally happy."

"You're not." He says before he can help himself. "You don't smile properly anyone." He cuts himself off before he can ramble, knowing it will make the situation worse.

As soon as the elevator stops at the parking garage, you get out, trying to get away from him, but not before having the last word. "Just be my ex-boyfriend, not my friend."

He reaches out to grab your hand. "Please hear me out." He begs.

You wouldn't have if he wasn't close to crying, and honestly, you still care so much about him. "Fine." You say, spinning to face him and crossing your arms. If he wants to talk to you, you're not going to say anything.

"I'm terrified." He confesses, the most emotion you've seen on his face in months. "People leave me a lot. And I've learned it's easier to detach myself before I get hurt. I know- I know it's no excuse for hurting you. I desperately want to be with you, and I know it's irrational to think you'll leave me. I'm just... sorry, and I hope you can heal." When he realizes you might not say anything else, he turns to walk away.

This time, you stop him. "Spencer."

It sounds so beautiful coming from your lips, even if you're crying when he really doesn't want you to be. "Yeah?" He's hopeful, noticing the lighter color in your eyes.

"You're right." You tell him, only confusing him. "It's irrational to think I'd leave you. I know you think you're broken or that something's wrong with you, but you're not and there isn't. All I ever wanted was to show you that you're worthy of so much love."

Neither of you can keep the tears in, hearts both hurting for each other. "You did." He assures you. "And I'm eternally grateful. Thank you."

"Spencer, I'm not done." You tell him, turning his gloomy look into something more hopeful. "I want to show you that every day if you'll let me."

"Y/n." He says your name that time. "It's a privilege to be loved by you."

[yelenassafeplace]

In the closet? Seriously? | Derek Morgan x f!reader

Again sorry for my bad English, I’m French and still have a lot to learn. Anyway please do not translate or re upload this oneshot. Thank you.

Summary Derek is a pain in the ass at work and tease you at every opportunity he gets.

Warnings explicit content, daddy kink, dirty talk, spit kink, choking, one tit slap, dacryphilia, dom!Derek, sub!reader, Derek is a little mean during sexy time but that’s all, unprotected sex, creampie, sex at workplace, p in v, tell me if I should add more warnings

DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE -18

Working with your fiancé has never been an issue for you. You didn’t mind his closeness with Penelope, nor the fact that he sometimes had to go undercover and play a couple with the girls in the team when Hotch chose one of them instead of you.

What you do mind is that this tease of a man often provokes you during work. Never on the field, of course, but when you are at the B.A.U he’s never far from you.

There’s the little things and the ones that make others give you a knowing look he does that drives you mad. His hand brushing yours when you try to get something, the little glances he takes over your body; lingering on your naked legs when you decide to wear a skirt, the way he grab you by your hips to move you unnecessarily just a few feet away from your original position, the fact that he always have a hand on your lower back whenever the two of you are walking together because he can’t keep them to himself, the veins on his forearms when he flexes his muscles just because he knows how much you like it, his winks, his petty smile when he see you squeezing your legs together because he knows that he’s the one making you squirm in your chair like a teenager in heat. These, these are the little things.

The bigger ones he does are just torture to you. Exactly like what he’s doing right now.

Your jaw drop open as you look at Morgan manspreading in his sit, discretely bucking his hips upwards once to get you exactly where he wants you. You can’t help but bite your lip when you notice the growing bulge in his pants. A groan escape you as you see him smirk because he caught you staring.

You take your head in your hands, placing your elbows on the desk in front of you before closing your eyes to regain your concentration. Not even a minute after, you hear his seductive voice whisper in your ear as he massages your shoulders. “How you doin’ mama?” You sigh, wondering how you’re going to restrain yourself from jumping on him for 3 more hours before lunch break. “Not good since my very handsome man decided to tease me on our workplace again, knowing very well that we won’t be able to touch each other before we get home tonight. Are you trying to frustrate me? Because it’s working.” He chuckles and plant a kiss on your head before turning your chair around so you’re facing him. “Who said that we have to wait until we get home? Mh?” A frown settles on your features as confusion lace your mind. “I’m not pretending to be sick like last time. You know Hotch reads me like an open book.” He crouches down and place his arms on your half naked thighs before resting his chin on it. “That wasn’t what I was thinking about, babe.”

Okay, now you’re even more lost. “What were you thinking about then?” He smiles brightly at you and gets up before he takes your hand in his. “Nah, I’ll show you instead. C’mon, get up.” You look at the papers you’re supposed to return before your break and then at his begging face before giving up. “Okay fine… I’m coming.” You sigh as you let him drag you behind him. Reid seems like he’s going to say something when you pass in front of him, but he quickly abandons the idea when Morgan gives him his death glare.

After this encounter, your lover continue to lead you in the building before he stops in front of a door. “In the closet? Seriously ?” He shrugs and look around to see if there’s anyone before he drags you in and lock the door behind you. You chuckle heartedly as Morgan take you in a hug and kiss your neck softly. “You’re crazy. You know that?” He takes your head in his hands and kiss you lovingly. “You make me crazy.”

The kiss deepens as he grips your ass and lift you up. You wrap your legs around his waist and steady yourself by locking your arms behind his neck. You moan as he swirls his tongue around yours before he pins you to the closest wall. “Fuck… Why did you have to wear my favorite skirt? You know how difficult it is to hide a hard on in a room full of profilers?” Another moan escape you when he licks a stripe up your neck while pushing your skirt higher over your thighs. “I-I don’t know. But what I do know is that you would have gotten hard no matter what clothes I would've worn.” He bucks his hips into yours, rubbing his clothed bulge against your core. “You’re damn right, babygirl.” Your heartbeat fasten when you see him reach between your bodies to draw little circles on your clit. Even with your panties still on, the little friction drives you mad. “Please… Please don’t tease me daddy… I need to feel you inside of me” He groans at your choice of words and quickly unbuckle his belt before pulling his pants and boxers below his ass. “Ok, I won’t tease you, princess.” He pushes your panties to the side and rub his tip to your soaked pussy a few times before slamming his cock in your tight hole. You almost scream at the stretch, but he beats you to it and cover your mouth with his big hand. “Don’t be so loud, love. You wouldn’t want anyone to find out now, would you? Yeah… That’s what I thought.”

He pulls almost all the way out, leaving only the tip in, before he rams his dick back in you. Your eyes start to water and Derek lick the tears rolling down your face before he grabs your face by your cheeks and coo at you. “Aw, you’re crying baby? I barely even begun, and you’re already so fucking out of it? That’s pathetic.” You cry even harder as you try to voice an apology. “Open your mouth y/n.” You open your mouth wide and stick your tongue out, knowing exactly what he’s going to do. He spit in your mouth and you swallow it eagerly before he crashes his lips against yours. The kiss is so passionate that you’re sure it’s going to bruise your lips.

You don’t even feel him popping the buttons of your shirt open until he pulls your bra down and your tits bounce out of it. He takes a nipple in his mouth and suck it before releasing and slapping it. You wince at the pain but quickly forget it when he starts to rub your clit. “Fuuuck… Morgan I’m coming…imcomingimcomingimcoming !” Derek kiss you to shut you up as you unravel in his arms. Small white dots resembling stars appear behind your closed eyelids when he brings you over the edge and you get lost in the feeling. He doesn’t last long after you cum, since your grip on his cock gets even tighter. He moans as he shoots his load into your convulsing cunt.

You two stay entwined a few minutes, your breathing and heartbeats falling into sync as they finally slow down. Morgan pulls out gently and kiss you softly. “I hope I haven’t been too rough with you…” You smile and steal a kiss from him before you shake your head. “No. It was perfect.” A sigh of relief escape him as he puts you down. “Good.” You clean and dress yourself as best as you can with your trembling legs. Morgan notice it and laugh as if he didn’t just fuck your soul out of your body. “There’s no way they won’t notice that.” You glare at him and point your face with your finger. “You think they won’t notice that? My hair and makeup are ruined, I cried, you choked me. If they don’t understand that we fucked in here, they’re idiots.” He gets a tissue in a cabinet drawer near the door and help you get all your makeup off and fix your hair. “Right. Who do you think will understand first ?” You close the buttons of your shirt and fix your skirt. “Mmh… For the boys, I think it will be Rossi. And for the girls… Prentiss will probably notice it first.” He smiles at you and nod before taking your hand in his. “Well… Let’s find out.” You follow him out of the closet and pray that you’re not walking like a penguin.

You were right. Rossi and Prentiss did notice what happened first. Luckily for you, Hotch wasn’t there since he had taken the remaining of the day off to stay with Jack at home. But you did walk like a penguin.

Ugh. That was a close one.

End.

[teaandtime]

Creloise University AU

this is a excerpt from God, I'm Actually Invested (how did that happen?) which I have posted over on AO3!

Eloise shoved her silenced phone into the deep recesses of her tote bag; in the few days that had passed since her concussion and the failed Bridgerton sibling dinner, Penelope Featherington had been relentless in trying to contact her. She had emailed, texted, rang, messaged and even went so far as creating new social media accounts (which were promptly blocked) and she had also enlisted Eloise's siblings for help. Francesca had remained steadfastly loyal but both Daphne and Benedict had messaged her in an effort to convince her to talk to Penelope. It had been a nightmare trying to avoid her, the other day she even spotted the redhead waiting outside her lecture. Luckily she had been able to spot her in time and leave out of the back door but it had made traversing campus increasingly hard. So this morning, Eloise was taking a much needed break. She had no classes on Wednesdays, so she had gone for a morning walk upon which she had discovered a busy little coffee shop in a part of town she’d yet to explore. Here she had ordered an oat chai latte and pain au chocolat, food and drink secured, she managed to snag a corner table from a couple who were just leaving- no mean feat it seemed, for the shop was full to the rafters- and pulled out her book. 

It had been barely a few minutes before she was interrupted.

“Bridgerton, who knew you had such taste?”

She looked up and was greeted with the sight of Cressida Cowper, standing over her table and gesturing to the book she was holding. Eloise placed it down in front of her, eyebrows raised in disbelief, partially because it seemed like Cressida Cowper was deliberately speaking to her and also because- “You’ve read it?”

“Is that so hard to believe? I read.” Cressida’s eyes narrowed over her takeaway paper cup.

“Well- I guess I didn't know you liked reading.” How could she know? Cressida didn’t like her. Usually she went out of her way to avoid Eloise and now for some unknown reason here she was striking up pleasant- or at least something adjacent to pleasant- conversation. 

“Did you know she went here?” Cressida ploughed on, “To Cambridge?” 

“I did, and if I wasn't reading this for the third time I might be mad at you for spoiling it.” Eloise couldn’t help but jab, her bafflement growing when Cressida boldly took the empty seat across from her. What is happening right now?

“It’s a wonderful book, isn't it? I rather believe every woman should read it-”

“I don’t mean to be rude,” Eloise, who was now briefly entertaining the idea she had somehow wandered into a parallel universe, cut in, “But do you want something?”

Cressida glanced quickly over her shoulder, before leaning forward and hissing, “Can you at least pretend to be interested in my conversation?”

Eloise leaned in and hissed back, “Cressida, I really have no idea what's going on, so unless you wish to enlighten me-”

“The man by the counter in the purple jacket was hitting on me the whole time I waited for my tea, so I told him you were here for me.” The words tumbled from Cressida’s mouth almost as if she were embarrassed by them, “Please just let me sit here until he leaves, then I’ll be out of your hair.”

Eloise glanced over towards the counter and sure enough, a man in a purple jacket was just picking up his coffee. He had an unpleasant, greasy look about him and Eloise took an immediate dislike to the man- though to be fair that wasn’t unusual for Eloise when encountering men. 

“Why didn’t you just tell him to bugger off?” She asked, looking back at Cressida, “Or hit him with your-” Eloise made a face and brought her fingers up by her eyes to mime tiny little laser beams coming from them,”-laser vision.” Eloise had watched grown men wither under Cressida’s glare more than once at many of the weird, stuffy, old fashioned events their parents insisted on dragging them along to. It was perhaps the single faucet of Cressida she actually held a teeny little bit of admiration for. 

Cressida rolled her eyes, “Because I kind of know him. He’s the son of a business associate of my father’s.” 

“Right.” Eloise conceded, perhaps a teeny bit disappointed she wouldn't have the pleasure of  witnessing Cressida’s glare causing Mr Purple Jacket’s balls to back crawl up inside him. 

Mr Purple Jacket took that exact opportunity to grace them with his highly unwanted presence, “Ladies,” He arrived in front of their table and nodded in what he probably thought was a gentlemanly manner, though it came off quite smarmy in Eloise’s opinion. “Cressida, I know you are meeting with a friend,” He nodded at Eloise, who thought he was doing a rather swell impression of those little bobble headed dolls truckers often stuck to their dashboards. “But I was hoping, before I go that I might get-”

“I’m sorry but who are you?” Eloise (who sensed where this was going) cut him off abruptly.

“My apologies, I am Roland Burbank, an acquaintance of Cressida’s.” He offered his hand to Eloise, who left it to hang in the air until he gave up and lowered it to wipe his palm nervously on his jeans. “I was hoping to-”

Eloise cut him off again, “I’m sure you were, but you see I was rather hoping you wouldn’t.” 

“Oh?” Mr Purple Jacket looked rather taken aback and Eloise continued before he could try to embarrass himself further.

“As you can see, Cressida is otherwise occupied-”

“Eloise!” Cressida’s quiet reprimand held undertones of shock but lacked any true vexation. Eloise took Cressida’s hand from where it was resting on the table and squeezed it gently in an effort to communicate to the other girl she needn't worry.

“-so I think it’s probably best you give up now, don’t you?” She finished.

“My apologies, I didn't realise-” Mr Purple Jacket stumbled over his words as he nodded yet again. Perhaps he could take up a career as one of those dolls, Eloise thought as she watched him hastily begin his retreat. At the very least he could earn a fortune doing impressions at birthday parties.  

“Lovely to meet you, Ronald!” Eloise called after him as he hurried out of the coffee shop. They managed to contain their laughter until the door swung shut on his purple back. “Honestly the audacity men have,” Eloise shook her head when they were able to catch their breath again. 

They sat for a moment, each nursing their drink, before Cressida gestured to the book, “It really is a favourite of mine,” she said, “right at the end, when her aunt tells her her grandfather cancelled his plans in case she came by, and then that she's counting the hours until Tara arrives- it makes me cry every time.” 

Eloise was taken aback by the admission, “Me too.” She admitted.

“Thank you, for getting rid of Roland.” Cressida had pulled the cardboard sleeve off her tea and was slowly pulling apart the layers, “I was afraid if I was frank with him he might go crying to his father and that it could affect my fathers business. Though, I suppose he still could.”

Eloise waved her concern away, “If he does, just blame me.” 

“Well I don’t think I’ll have to worry about him again, I think my father told his I was ‘available’.” She shuddered slightly and began shredding the cardboard.

“And you’re not?” Eloise asked, picking up her mug.

“Certainly not for him.” 

“A tragedy, really, you could have had the most beautiful maroon babies.” 

Cressida threw a wadded up piece of cardboard at her head and Eloise ducked out of the way, laughing. 

[ashleebooksblog]

🚨BRIDGERTON SEASON 3 SPOILER BELOW 🚨

Season 3 so far is equal parts disappointing and satisfying. I disliked that there were so many subplots in the first part. I don't care about the Mondrich family, and as much as I love Benedict, I don't care much for him this season because his character has absolutely nothing to do besides sleep with Lily Arnold. Is it just me, or is Benedict always having sex with different characters?

I loved that Eloise still cared deeply about Penelope despite still being hurt by her betrayal. That's extremely realistic and relatable. Eloise and Penelope had a very strong friendship and were practically sisters. They had known each other for years, so of course Eloise would still care about her even though she would never admit that.

I almost teared up when she apologized to Penelope after Cressida teared her dress, and when the ton discovered that Colin was assisting Penelope in finding a husband, Eloise followed Penelope out of the ballroom and if Colin hadn't stopped her she would have went to Penelope and apologize to her.

I was initially against Eloise and Cressida's friendship, but now I like it because both characters are growing and changing together. Cressida is learning how to be kinder, and Eloise is starting to realize her privilege and is getting a reality check. I loved it when Cressida humbled Eloise when Eloise accused her of revealing Penelope and Colin's plan to the entire ton, when it was actually Eloise because she did not know how to whisper while confiding in Cressida.

I am disappointed that Lady Danbury and Penelope's friendship from the books is not included. Hopefully, they actually have a conversation in the second part. I almost screamed at my television when John appeared on screen. I actually thought Lord Samadani was John and that the writers changed his last name like they did with the Sharma sisters, so I was SHOCKED when the actual character was revealed.

Polin were side characters in their own season. It was giving season 2 with Kate. I understand that Polin knew each other for years, but Colin, falling in love with Penelope, felt so rushed. In my opinion she forgave him too easily.

I don't understand Hyacinth's dresses at all. She's canonically twelve years old, yet she's dressing like an adult woman from that era. I believe that the costume designers didn't really pay much attention to the character when it came with her outfits because Hyacinth is a minor character despite being a Bridgerton. Her and Gregory are given limited screen time.

Lord Debling was so disappointing. I liked him at first until he got mad at Penelope for having feelings for Colin when he told her not even ten minutes ago that he did not and may never love her in return. The writers could have come up with something else to get rid of him. Also, while he was sweet, he was very boring.

The hot air balloon scene was so good. I rewatched that scene three times. Colin, being the first one to realize that something was wrong with the hot air balloon, makes so much sense because he spent months on a ship.

I don't care that Colin is sleeping with other women. Anthony slept with dozens of women before marrying Kate and Benedict was literally sleeping with a woman throughout the first part. Colin was a virgin in the first season, but this is season three and he is not the same man he was back in the first season.

THE CARRIAGE SCENE WAS AMAZING. Everything that happened in that scene occurred almost the exact same way in the book.

I love Violet and Marcus. Lady Danbury had no right to be mad because she slept with Violet's mother.

Well, those are my thoughts. I am so excited for the second part.

[rainybraindays]

Seeing people call book Colin abusive and being like "he had no reason to be so mad about Whistledown )):" and like...yeah he kinda did?

Whistledown may notbe as bad in the books but she is in everyones business still, shes spreading gossip, and people do have a desire to find her. Hes afraid of what happens when they do. Because hes right, Cressida, to most people is the more pleasing option because shes popular but not liked and conventionally attractive and people will more easily shrug it off. They'll still be mad but they'll consider it par for the course with her and move on. Some may not even believe her, like Lady Danbury but if no one else comes forward they've no reason to think otherwise.

Penelope, short, chubby, unimportant to most everyone Penelope? That will piss them off. She doesn't have the social capital to keep herself from being ostracized, people will be pissed this person they look down on, a spinster, someone who never even talks, had such control over their lives.

Colins worried, he says it himself, about this, about he risks shes been taking for over a decade. Hes jealous she's found something thats her and he feels like he hasn't done the sames. Hes mad hes been lied to, feels like hes been made fun of with his Eloise theory, but most of all hes in love and hes frightened by the prospect of what could have happened to her. By what still could happen to her if she was found out.

The other scene also often quoted as Colin being abusive is him grabbing her arm at their engagement ball.

Do you remember what happened in that scene?

An issue of Whistledown is distributed midball, the one that ends up giving Cressida enough to blackmail her mind you, the one Colin had asked her not to publish and thought she had agreed not to. Penelopes inner dialog tells us this wasn't planned. She'd planned it for a different ball, so she can enjoy hers, she knows Colins going to be mad, and I bet you she doesn't want to argue on their happy day. Colin grabbing her, while done in anger, has always read to me less as some rage fueled behavior with no thought, but as a way to keep her from trying to sip away. He knows she doesn’t wana have this argument again. He likely doesn't even want to have this argument, but he knows they have to.

People often view this scenes as Colin being physically aggressive and this unbelievabley abusive person. They look at this, and have been yowling about how he treats her so unfairly. This fandon is horrible about not looking at the entire scene. The carriage scene has them arguing, Penelope bites back at him just as much as he snaps at her. Their engament ball fight leads to their first night together. This is them seeing each other at their worst. And in the end they still choose wach other

His anger isn't entirely jealous like some try to paint it. Theres genuine worry, hes afraid for her he says so himself. People keep saying how Penelope is afraid of him but shes not thats made clear several times. She's more afraid of them arguing because she thinks that it'll be enough to make him not choose her.

These arguments are necessary. They help Colin see her as a whole person, it helps him solidify that his feelings are as deep as he thinks. It helps Penelope see him as a whole person as well not just the man shes been crushing on her whole life, which she mentions in the book. It shows that they can get through the big issues in their relationship without falling apart.

And remember Cressida blackmails Penelope. Very much one of the things Colin was afraid of. The only reason he can do the big reveal is because its after they're married, and he tells Anthony and Simon whats happening beforehand. She has far more social capital as a Bridgerton wife than she ever did as a Featherington daughter

Should Colin have grabbed her? Maybe not, but I don't think thats enough to label him as an abusive asshole unworthy of love. You don’t always make the best decision, but one slip, especially one so minor as grabbing your partner so they can't slip away before you get to talk to them about a issue you know they won't like talking about, does not make you horribly abusive like some of you suggest.

And another related side note, a huge thing i see ALL the time, is how Colin's anger comes out of nowhere.

"ooooh in the other books colin doesn't have an angry bone in his body, hes so nice and relaxed, how could Quinn write him as such an ass in his own."

A temper not often showing is not the same as it not existing. When he says he wouldn't marry Penelope in the books? Very much an angry scene. Hes being teased after having her pushed on him by his mother, and hes tired of it and snaps aggressively to make it stop. Colin has always had a temper, it just wasn't nearly as important to the other books thus not explored. I know he says in the book how he doesn't think he has one, but we also tend to push away traits we view as negative when thinking on ourselves.

Anyway, please remember that Show Colin is going to have the worst reaction to the Whistledown reveal, as said by the cast themselves, and I'm kinda living for it.

[babymetaldoll]

Baby, I'm yours - Chapter eight: “What if I’m someone I don’t want around?”

Warning: Angst, sadness, swearing, Spencer crying and reader is brokenhearted. Sorry. 

Summary: A few days before the wedding, reader discovers something Spencer had been hiding from her. And she doesn't feel like she can trust him again. 

Word count: 11,9K

A/N: I'm sorry... but... seriously, did you think I had forgotten about Spencer's mistake?

Series Masterlist | General Masterlist | Prequel’s Masterlist

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Spencer’s point of view

(Y/N) and I had successfully avoided JJ for an entire week. She had been pretty busy with her profiler course and case rotation. We had been busy freaking out with our wedding. Everything was ready and signed, but somehow our friends and family were making sure to keep up stressed and nervous about every single detail of the big day. Our vacation started in four days, our wedding was in twelve, and I still found it hard to believe (Y/N) actually wanted to marry me. But believe me, I wasn’t going to argue with her about it.

- “Just a few more days”- (Y/N) whispered as we held hands in the elevator- “Are you excited about our honeymoon?”

- “I am excited about being married to you, the trip is just a bonus”- she smiled and blushed as the elevator’s door opened in the BAU and immediately we were greeted by JJ and Emily’s voices as they walked our way.

- “Hotch says he's never seen a rookie profiler analyze and write up cases as well as you.”- Prentiss said, clearly to Jennifer.

- “He said that?”- and she acted surprised.

- “Oh shit”- (Y/N) whispered and I held her hand even tighter- “I don’t even want her at the wedding anymore.”

- “I know, chipmunk.”- I started walking faster and dragged (Y/N) with me the second Prentiss and Jennifer showed up by our side.

- “Hey, where have you guys been? I wanted to do brunch this weekend.”- JJ said as soon as we bumped into each other in the hall, but I continued walking and simply ignored her, as I heard (Y/N) reply.

- “We had to deal with some stuff about the wedding. Have you seen Garcia?”

- “Uh, she's with Rossi.”- Jennifer answered and stayed behind as we ran away from her as fast as possible. No, we weren’t being subtle about our anger. But if you asked us back then, we weren’t even trying to be.

- “Suddenly, four more days sound like an eternity”- (Y/N) murmured as we left our things at our desks and I simply shook my head.

- “You’ve got this, chipmunk, trust me. Next Monday we are going to be at home, having coffee on our own.”

- “In a week we are going to be picking up your mom and aunt Ethel from the airport”- I chuckled and shook my head- “But I get the point, just a few more days of this.”

Yes, we were not acting very maturely, I was aware of that. But we were mad and hurt and neither of us wanted to be the bigger man or woman. You get the point. It didn’t help that when we shared the whole story with Frank, Lu, and Mikey, they all supported us. No one should lie to a friend the way JJ lied to us. End of the story.

We had a case

- “I am having a Fellini festival at my house this weekend and I must serve the beautiful food of his country.”- Penelope was talking about food with Rossi, but I didn’t register much of what was being said around the table. I kept reading the book I had started that morning, doing my best to avoid eye contact with JJ, who sat right across the table from us.

- “Maybe you should show a Disney film and stick with burgers.”- Rossi replied and (Y/N) giggled. I held her hand underneath the table and played with her fingers for a minute, enjoying the soothing feeling of her presence.

- “You know, Rossi, you could always give Penelope a cooking lesson.”- I heard Morgan suggesting.

- “Oh, my gosh, that would be amazing. That would be like… that would be like the Iron Chef meets the BAU. And we could do it at your house!”- Garcia was way too excited about it already.

- “I don't have a house. I have a mansion.”- Rossi corrected her, and (Y/N) chuckled at those words.

- “All right, let's get started.”- Hotch’s voice made me leave the book on the table and I immediately glued my eyes on the screen ahead of us. Garcia stood up and started presenting the one that was meant to be the last case (Y/N) and I worked on before our wedding. Somehow, it felt exciting. It was also the first case with JJ officially as a profiler, which wasn’t exciting at all. It meant she was going to be out in the field with us and that only meant having to talk to her.

- “All right. Mes amis, you are jetting to Durant, Oklahoma, because in the last three days, two women have been found dead after being sexually tortured and then blinded with a sulfuric acid solution. Abby Elcott is our first victim, a 19-year-old art student. She was heading to campus for an advanced drawing class. She'd been missing for two days. The same goes for our second victim, Beth Westerly, 17. She had just finished her coffee shop shift and was on her way to a bar method class.”- Pen explained and nearly didn't breathe during her speech.

- “Both low-risk victims.”- Emily pointed out.

- “And obviously physically similar.”- (Y/N) added, considering both girls were young, tall, thin, and with long blonde hair.

- “How close are the two abduction sites?”- Rossi asked and Penelope showed them on the map on the screen.

- “Five miles apart at bus stops. Abby's cell was found near one, Beth's scarf near the other.”

- “Where were the dump sites?”- I asked and she quickly showed me.

- “One in an alley, the other in a field.”

- “So he stapled their eyes open, then he blinded them?”- JJ pointed out and turned to me, maybe waiting for my thoughts or reply. She didn’t get any. Instead, I focused my eyes on the paper and Morgan quickly started talking.

- “It's about power and control. Maybe he didn't want them to watch while he hurt 'em.”

- “Or it could be about shame.”- (Y/N) added and I quickly nodded.

- “Yes, ma cherié. Perhaps the unsub has disfigured himself. Blinding the victims leaves them helpless, lost, and totally dependent. Maybe a manifestation of how he sees himself in this world.”

I never refer to (Y/N) as "cherié" when we are working. Never. It hasn’t slipped in a briefing meeting before, and that day, I did it on purpose. Hotch turned to me and raised an eyebrow just as Emily nodded and continued with my point.

- “It is a form of enucleation, just without the scalpel.”

- “Exactly. His face is the last they see before darkness.”- (Y/N) added and looked at Emily as Hotch grabbed his notes and stood up.

- “Garcia, come up with a list of jobs that would give the UnSub access to sulfuric acid. The rest of us, wheels up in 30 minutes.”

- “We are not being subtle”- (Y/N) whispered as we sat side by side on the couch in the yet. That was our favorite spot when we wanted to be apart from the rest of the team.

- “Do we want to?”

- “No, but I was starting to enjoy not being scolded by Hotch after Ashley’s departure”- I held her hand and kissed it.

- “Four more days”- she nodded with a grin and sighed.

- “It’ll surely be weird not working for an entire month”

- “Oh, are you guys talking about your honeymoon?”- JJ showed up with Emily and I immediately grabbed a book. If it wasn’t work-related, I really didn’t want to talk to JJ.

- “Yes.”- (Y/N) simply replied and stayed quiet.

- “When do you leave?”- JJ asked her and kept looking at her

- “The day after the wedding.”

- “Which is your first stop?”

- “London. I’m gonna make us some tea before we take off.”- my fianceé said and stood up, running away from JJ. I focused on the book and didn’t move a muscle until I was sure JJ and Emily were no longer around me. I wasn’t holding anything against Prentiss, it was JJ the one I blamed, 100% for lying and never comforting (Y/N) or myself during our darkest days.

- “The victimology is very similar. Blonde-haired, blue-eyed teenage girls.”- Hotch started analyzing what we knew so far about the case. He sat by our side and went through the photos. (Y/N) and I kept taking notes as the rest of the team talked.

- “We believe they were each abducted near public transportation stops.”- JJ said and neither of us looked at her.

- “When was this photo taken?”- Prentiss asked and (Y/N) quickly answered.

- “Beth was caught on a bank surveillance camera three hours before she disappeared. That's a recent photo of Abby.”

- “So she wasn't found in the same clothes she was abducted in.”- Em showed us another picture in another outfit.

- “Maybe he changed them because hers were burned by the sulfuric acid.”- Rossi suggested and I answered.

- “It's possible. Sulfuric acid can turn human flesh into soap.”

- “Garcia, any recent similar cases in the surrounding area?”- Hotch asked.

- “Actually, yes. Two months ago, a prostitute and a runaway were both found raped and killed, and they had stab wounds to their eyes.”

- “So maybe he practiced on high-risk victims first.”- JJ pointed out the obvious, again.

- “And then advanced to chemical enucleation.”- Morgan added

- “Isn't that a rare paraphilia?”- JJ asked, and looked at me waiting for an answer. She didn’t get it. Instead, Emily replied.

- “Well, the chemical part is. It would exacerbate the pain.”

- “Like Ed Kemper”- Rossi said- “He's probably practicing on surrogates before going after the real object of his rage.”

- “Dave, you and I will talk to the parents. Morgan and Prentiss, go to the disposal sites. JJ, you (Y/L/N) and Reid to the abduction sites.”- Hotch divided chores and I quickly resumed my reading. (Y/N) shared with me her notes and we started talking about a possible geographical profile.

This wasn’t going to end well, I knew it. I was too mad at JJ to work with her, and (Y/N) was too mad at her as well to stop me.

(Y/N)’s point of view

Of course, Hotch would pair us with JJ that day. It was clear there was something off and he wanted us to work through our differences. Such a dad move. Spencer drove us in silence, all we ever talked about was the case. JJ tried to make small talk but neither of us replied much. As soon as we got to the first abduction site, Spencer walked fast and took a look around.

- “So, Beth got off the bus here and headed northwest toward class.”- Spencer said and looked at me.

- “Yes, she was on time which means she didn’t have much time to stop and chat with random people. Our unsub was fast.”- I added and followed him.

- “It's amazing no one witnessed her abduction.”- JJ said and Spencer’s answer was faster than mine.

- “Emily was buried six feet under and wound up in Paris, so I guess anything is possible, right?”

- “So that is what this is about.”- JJ replied, confirming what was obvious.

- “You know, maybe our unsub is a little bit like Bundy and he feigned an injury in order to get her to help him.”- I started talking and didn’t let Jeniffer continue with whatever it is that she wanted to say.

- “Spence, (Y/N), if you want to talk about…”- we both turned our backs to her and continued looking around like we had lost anything in those few blocks. We had in fact lost something: our trust in JJ.

- “Chipmunk, maybe he tried another tactic and was like, "Wow, you're really pretty. You should be a model. I can take your photo."

- “That’s a very common technique to get a girl’s attention, hon. But we have no proof of anything, just speculation.”

- “I'll take that as a no.”- JJ mumbled and tried to follow us.

- “Either one would disarm her.”- Spencer looked at me and I nodded.

- “Charm's quite the killer.”- JJ suggested and crossed her arms on her chest. I turned to her and raised an eyebrow.

- “So are tears.”- and the look in her eyes was both filled with pain and anger. Good, I wanted her to be mad at me the way I was mad at her.

- “Whatever his ruse was, the unsub most likely used it to get her into his vehicle.”- Spencer landed a hand on my shoulder and made me turn to him with a nod.

- “Well, if Abby was last seen at a bus stop a few miles away, then he definitely has means of transportation.”- JJ waited for us to reply, but we didn’t. Instead, Spencer held my hand and started walking me back to the van.

- “Hopefully, the disposal site will tell us more.”

I know I was being mean to my friend, but that friend had lied to me and my future husband right on our faces for months, mocking our pain. I didn’t even want to be in the same car as her that day, less having to pretend everything was ok.

Rossi was talking with the police when we got to the nearest disposal site. Spencer parked and I literally ran out of the van, to put as much distance between me and JJ as possible.

- “Again he’s disposing in an area frequented by homeless people.”- Rossi explained to us as we walked through a bunch of police force and forensics.

- “It's equidistant to the last two dump sites.”- Spencer pointed out. I kneeled down and took a look at the corpse. It was burned with what seemed to be acid around her face.

- “He burned her tongue with the chemical this time.”- JJ said, stealing the words from me.

- “So he removed her ability to taste.”- Rossi frowned and looked at the victim, trying to understand.

- “Why would he do that?”- one of the cops asked and Spencer immediately started explaining.

- “Historically, this kind of torture was used to prevent someone from revealing a secret.”

- “Can you imagine this was normal behavior?”- I asked and kept my eyes on the corps- “The number of people there would be walking around with their mouths burned with acid…”- I could feel JJ’s eyes on me as I spoke, but refused to look at her the entire time.

- “Maybe she offended him.”- the detective suggested.

- “I wonder what that's like.”- Spencer quickly replied. Yes, we were brats. And I still regret nothing.

- “Her lips are extremely chapped.”- Rossi’s words forced us to re-focus on the case.

- “Probably she was forced to repeatedly participate in some sort of kissing fantasy.”- I suggested and JJ decided it was a great moment to start talking again and basically just point out the obvious.

- “And when things go awry, he takes the offending sense away.”

- “He tortured her in these clothes, which means the eighties are essential to his delusion.”- Spencer ignored her and continued analyzing the victim’s outfit.

- “Yes, I would say that's when this rejection occurred and he held on to the clothes all these years.”- I added and looked at my fiance as he nodded at me in agreement.

- “And now he's attacking girls who remind him of women from that time.”- JJ concluded with an obvious opinion. Spencer just looked at me and said

- “He's fixated on her type and remake them fit his fantasy.”

- “But why start now?”- the detective asked. JJ made a pause and looked at us.

- “Something probably triggered it, and instead of dealing with it, he's acting out.”

Spencer and I looked at her at the same time. I raised an eyebrow as she stared at me, almost defiant.

- “Great analysis, Jennifer. Thank you for sharing.”- I replied as I felt Spencer’s hand in mine, crawling me away from the scene.

- “Four days is way too much time.”- I argued as I closed the SUV door and sighed. Spencer got behind the wheel and started driving us away from the crime scene in less than a minute.

- “I know, my cheriè. Just focus on the case, we have to solve this and go back home.”

- “Can’t we just elope, get married in Vegas, and leave for our honeymoon right now?”- I closed my eyes and rested my head on the seat. Spencer held my hand as he drove, and caressed my skin carefully with his long fingers.

- “You deserve way better than just eloping, chipmunk. You deserve the whole world and the perfect wedding.”- his words were sweet in contrast with the cruel reality we were dealing with.

- “The only thing I care about is getting married to you. The rest ain’t that important, as long as I have you.”- I opened my eyes and stared at him. He looked at me for a moment and continued driving. His cheeks were blushed and his eyes were teary. My sweet fiance never took compliments well, and I knew it. Still, I had to tell him how I felt, though it was still somehow nerve-wracking.

Yes, Spencer still made me feel nervous. The butterflies in my stomach were always crazy when I was around him.

- “So, how are we going to deal with JJ these days?”- I asked him and he hummed.

- “We should just try to stay away from her and don’t speak to her about anything that’s not case related.”

- “Easier said than done”- I mumbled.

- “I know, but what other choice do we have?”- I thought about it and sighed.

- “I’m still not sure I want her at the wedding.”

- “Me neither, chipmunk. Trust me.”

When we arrived at the station, Rossi and JJ were already there. Spencer and I had taken a detour to get iced coffee on our way back. It only took us five more minutes, but I could see on Hotch’s face he was already upset with us. That was not what I needed at the moment, but we were already deep into the mess.

Hotch didn’t say a word to us, instead, he gathered the police force and asked us to release the profile of the unsub. I could use some work to focus on, instead of my anger. So I stood up in front of the entire police department and started talking.

- “We believe the unsub, or unknown subject, that we're looking for is a white male in his 40s. This is someone who's reacting to rejection by a woman when he was a teenager in the 1980s. He's punishing his victims for their reactions to him by taking away their senses with sulfuric acid.”

- “We believe our unsub could possibly work part-time as a janitor or a mechanic, which would give him access to this chemical.”- Rossi added as I turned to Spencer and he smiled at me, nodding.

- “And after studying the disposal sites, we think it's likely that he is homeless.”- Morgan continued- “Now, how do we typically react toward the homeless? We judge them by their looks and smells. It's that same negative reaction we believe that a woman had toward the unsub at some point in the eighties.”

- “The unsub's fixation on this woman is now all-consuming.”- Prentiss started explaining- “It's caused him to develop obsessive love disorder. He most likely has tunnel vision and believes that she holds the key to his happiness. He will stalk her in an attempt to win her back.”

- “He will do whatever it takes to be near his love interest.”- I added -“But her rejection will spiral him into a depression.”

- “Which would lead to rape and murder of the surrogates who represent her.”- Spencer finally spoke and I nodded at his words immediately- “And it's only a matter of time before this rage and anger cause the unsub to go after her directly.”

Police exited the room after a few minutes. Hotch looked at me and nodded in what I figured was the approval of my presentation delivering the profile, and I thought things might actually be a little better. But JJ had other plans. She cornered Spencer in the briefing room and from what I could notice, she had started pushing him to talk about the whole issue. I quickly walked over and looked at her, crossing my arms on my chest, and looking seriously into her eyes.

- “What do you want Jennifer?”- I asked and she widened her eyes, surprised by my tone, I guess.

- “(Y/N), Spence. We gotta talk about this.”

- “I told you, we don't want to talk about it.”- Spencer answered and kept gathering some papers from the table. I started helping so he could finish quickly and get the fuck out of there.

- “I get it, ok? You're disappointed with the way we handled Emily.”

- “Listen, we have a lot going on, all right?”- Spencer didn’t even look at her, he kept his eyes on the files and folders as he tried to leave the room with me, but JJ stopped him.

- “You know what I think it is?”- her voice was suddenly defiant. Spencer stood in front of her and raised an eyebrow waiting for her speech.

- “What?”

- “You're mad that Hotch and I controlled our micro-expressions at the hospital and you weren't able to detect our deception.”- she said to my soon-to-be husband- “And you are mad ‘cos Hotch trusted me with the secret instead of you”- she added, staring at me. I opened my mouth to start cursing her, my hands shaking with anger. But Spencer stopped me. He held my hand and stood in front of me, basically shielding me from JJ’s bullshit.

- “You think it's about my profiling skills? That you just hurt our ego?”- and that bitch simply shrugged- “Jennifer, listen, the only reason you were able to manage my perceptions is because I trusted you.”

- “Spence…”- she tried to explain, but I took a step closer to her and held onto my boyfriend’s hand tight.

- “You really don’t know us if you think what you hurt is as mundane as our pride. I don’t care if Hotch wants you to know all his secrets. Under any other circumstances, I would have been happy for you. But not now, not like this, not after you laughed at us.”

- “Laughed?! (Y/N), when did I laugh at you?”- JJ was mad and hurt, her voice was shaky as she tried to defend herself.

- “We came to your house for 10 weeks in a row crying over losing a friend, and not once did you have the decency to tell us the truth.”- Spencer spat each word as JJ stared at us making her best to keep her shit together.

- “I couldn't!”

- “You couldn't? Or you wouldn't?”- I questioned her and she looked at me with tears in her eyes.

- “No, I couldn't, (Y/N).”

- “What if I started taking Dilaudid again? Would you have let me?”- Spencer questioned her and the thought of him getting back into drugs slapped me all of a sudden. Yes, I had considered that option, but Reid never gave me any sign he might actually fall back into old habits.

- “You didn't.”

- “Yeah, but I thought about it.”- Spencer held my hand tight and started walking out of the room with me.

- “Spence!”- JJ begged, as tears started falling down her eyes. But my boyfriend didn’t even flinch. He looked at her and shrugged, annoyed, and started walking away again.

- “I’m so sorry”- JJ whispered, looking at me.

- “It’s too late for that, alright?”- I answered, shaking my head, and followed Spencer on his way out of the station.

- “Spence, (Y/N)”- I heard Prentiss calling our names and I turned to look at her. She was puzzled and probably feeling guilty. But we held nothing against her. It was all JJ. She was our problem.

- “We are gonna get in trouble with Hotch after that”- I said as I sat on the front steps of the station. Spencer stood in front of me, arms crossed on his chest as he continued walking back and forth.

- “I’m sorry, chipmunk.”

- “Why are you apologizing for?”

- “I think I might have pushed it a little too far against JJ”- I shook my head and sighed. I wanted to ask but I was afraid of the answer. But I figured I had to do it just as a band-aid. Quick and painless.

- “You didn’t actually think about taking Dilaudid again, right?”- my question was meant to be an affirmation, but it sounded so insecure and shaky, that I embarrassed myself. I looked at my hands as I asked and waited for Spencer’s answer. He sighed and looked at me, walking to me and kneeling in front of me.

- “Of course not, chipmunk. I would never do that to you.”- I sighed relieved and smiled at him, feeling his lips on mine as his hands cupped my face carefully.

- “Thank god. I don’t think I could ever go through that again.”- I admitted as he rubbed his lips against mine. I kept my eyes closed, enjoying the sensation and the warmth of his touch- “I just love you too much. It would kill me to see you in so much pain one more time.”

- “Don’t worry, ma cherie. That’s never gonna happen.”- he whispered and kissed me again. This time embracing me with a passion and love he didn’t usually share during working hours. His tongue parted my lips and explored my mouth sweetly, tasting every inch. I let out a soft moan, and that just encouraged him. His hands moved from my cheeks to my waist, pulling me against his body, making me feel loved and cared for. And by the way, he was holding me so tight, anyone would say Spencer was afraid I was going to escape.

- “Come on, cool off”- I managed to whisper, still feeling him rubbing his lips against mine- “We are still at work. And already in trouble with our boss, I am afraid.”

- “I’m so sorry”- he mumbled and sighed, kissing my lips one more time before moving from me and starting to pace in front of me.

- “We should try to solve this case so we can go home and… share rooms again.”- I said and winked, trying to cheer him up.

- “Are you really going to marry me?”- Spencer asked all of a sudden. I raised an eyebrow as I stared at his sweet chocolate eyes, staring at me, waiting for an honest answer. Where did all that insecurity come from?

- “Not only will I marry you, I am also going to be with you until death do us part.”

Spencer’s point of view

I didn’t only feel like scum, but I was also terrified. Why did I have to mention Dilaudid in front of (Y/N)? Why was I so emotional and careless to say the one word that could bring this whole relationship to an end? I just wanted to hurt JJ, I know. But I was irresponsible. I was stupid. And the worst part was knowing I had no time to think about it. I had to solve a case first and pretend everything was ok later. I didn’t want (Y/N) to worry or see through me, read my insecurities and my truth.

I did what I did best, I hid at work and dragged (Y/N) along with me, to keep her from thinking about me and Dilaudid ever again. We started talking about the case, went through all the information we had, and decided we might have made a mistake in our profile. We might have overlooked one detail that could change the unsub we were looking for dramatically.

- “I don’t wanna go in there after the scene we made”- my girlfriend whispered as soon as we stepped into the police station. The team was gathered in a meeting room and I knew she wasn’t ready to deal with the consequences of my outburst. But we had to work.

- “I’m here chipmunk. Nothing is gonna happen. You know that right?”- I whispered and cut her a warm smile, trying to reassure her I was going to protect her. I would, I wanted to. I needed to know I was able to keep her safe from any harm. She nodded as my thumbs carefully caressed her cheeks for a moment. I knew that wasn’t the correct behavior, but honestly, I didn’t care anymore. Nothing was ever going to stop me from protecting (Y/N).

We walked into the meeting room as if nothing had happened earlier and I simply started talking.

- “I don't think we're dealing with a typical homeless person.”- and just like that, the entire team looked at me- “He's good with chemicals, and owns a car. I think the only mistake in our profile was assuming there was something wrong with his physical composition, reducing him to some sort of stereotype.”

- “You think it's only his mental state?”- Rossi questioned.

- “I think this guy might be smart enough to use his disability to his advantage so he comes across as harmless.”

- “And then, when he's alone and the victim rejects him, he goes off.”- (Y/N) added, crossing her arms on her chest, trying not to show how uncomfortable she felt.

- “What if he doesn't live on the street? What if he's in a halfway house?”- JJ asked and I kept my eyes on Hotch. He just grabbed his phone and dialed.

- “Garcia, I need a list of halfway houses and mental health centers in the unsub's comfort zone.”

- “Ok. Five are being sent to your phones.”- we all heard Penelope announcing.

- “Which of those were around in the eighties, Garcia?”- (Y/N) asked.

- “There are two in your area, munchkin.”

- “Morgan and Prentiss, take the first.”- Hotch announced- “Dave and I will take the second.”

- “What about us?”- JJ asked the obvious question and I unconsciously landed a hand on (Y/N)’s back, trying to comfort her.

- “Stay here and check ViCAP for similar M. O.s and signatures.”- everyone stepped out of the room, including (Y/N), who walked to the desk where she had left all the folders. And just as I started following her, Hotch called me.

- “Reid.”- I knew what this was about, and I was glad he was talking to me and not with her. She really didn’t have to be scolded this time- “If you want to be mad at someone, be mad at me.”

I hesitated for a second, trying not to look him in the eyes ‘cos it was still something very hard for me to deal with. I was mad at my friend, not at my boss. And no matter how close Aaron was with us, he wasn’t technically my friend. He was closer to a father figure than anything else.

- “I can't. I didn't come to your house crying for ten weeks.”- that was the only explanation I could give him, ‘cos it was my truth.

The following morning we had a missing girl and still no suspect. (Y/N) hadn’t mentioned Dilaudid again and I was praying for the word to simply vanish from her vocabulary. I had made my best to keep her focused on the case and on the wedding. But it was challenging at the moment, ‘cos Hotch had decided to pair me with Rossi and leave her on the station with JJ. And no matter how much I begged him, he didn’t change his mind.

- “So kids spill out of the motel toward the cars. If Tammy walked this way, how could she disappear without anyone seeing her?”- Rossi said as we walked out of one of the rooms and analyzed the whole perimeter.

- “Someone would have heard her scream.”- I answered, taking a look around, trying to picture the entire place filled with teenagers.

- “That's if she screamed. Unlike the last three abduction sites, this one is nowhere near public transportation. Maybe she knew the unsub.”

- “Or thought she did.”- I ramble and catch a glimpse of empathy in Rossi's eyes- “What if Tammy was the target all along? That would explain the change in the M. O.”

- “So whoever did this knew she was coming here.”

- “I’m gonna call Hotch”- I grabbed my phone and quickly dialed. I also wanted to call (Y/N) and ask her if she was ok alone at the police station with JJ. But I couldn’t. After I hung up with Hotch, Rossi grabbed my arm and stopped me.

- “Kid, after Prentiss came back things have been hard on the entire team, not just you.”- suddenly I knew exactly where that was going, and I didn’t appreciate it one bit.

- “Rossi, thank you, but I don’t wanna talk about this right now.”

- “I’m just trying to tell you you are not the only one who feels betrayed. But you can’t just be mad at JJ for doing her job.”

- “Her job? So her job was to lie to us, even when she saw us at our lowest for weeks?”- I was doing my best not to raise my voice, but I knew I was failing at that task. I really was running low on patience that day and I didn’t want to continue talking about the same subject.

- “This was bigger than just sharing information, kid.”- Rossi stood in front of me and looked straight into my eyes, something I wanted to avoid by all means- “This was about keeping Prentiss alive, and Hotch knew that.”

- “But that secret nearly killed us.”- I argued back and looked down at my shoes- “(Y/N) was in deep grief, and for a minute I thought I was going to lose my sanity. This hit us hard, and JJ saw us, she was there, and she didn’t do anything.”

- “Only because she couldn’t! Not because she didn’t care about you.”

- “I don’t even care about me anymore, it’s the hurt on (Y/N) that bothers me the most. I don’t ever wanna see her crying like she did when we thought Emily was dead.”- I started walking back to the car.

- “You can’t keep her from pain, Reid. That’s just life. But as her husband you can support her and love her through the rough times.”- Rossi followed me and got into the SUV- “And maybe helping her forgive JJ and leaving this whole deal behind might be the right thing to do.”

I looked at David knowing there was nothing I could ever say that might help him understand how I felt. So I decided not to argue with him anymore and just leave the whole deal alone. I simply nodded and grabbed my phone as it hummed, letting me know I had a new text.

- “I’ve got a cupcake with your name on it”- I read and smiled.

- “I know the feeling, Reid”- Rossi said after a few minutes of driving in silence- “How it feels like when your blood boils in anger when you see someone hurting the woman you love.”- I looked out of the window and sighed. I really didn’t want to continue with the lecture.

Lucky for me, Morgan called and told us there was a suspect. We finally got a name. And two garages he worked on. In two hours, we had the unsub at the station, and Prentiss and Morgan were on their way with the police to get the latest victim, luckily alive. It was her own uncle who kidnapped and tortured her. Rossi was right, it was someone she knew.

By the end of the day, we were on the jet, on our way back home. (Y/N) was asleep on the couch by my side, and I entertained myself with a few books before we landed. Anything to keep me from thinking, or from talking with JJ.

- “So, the surgeon said he believes he can restore feeling to Tammy's hands.”- Emily whispered as she sat in front of me suddenly. I kept my eyes on the book and simply replied.

- “Good. We got there in time.”

- “I heard Mr. Bradstone wants to watch the tape.”- she continued talking, not getting the hint I wasn’t in the mood for a conversation. I still felt guilty about it though. There she was, alive and well, and I still didn’t feel like having a conversation with her despite the fact I had missed her for over ten weeks.

- “People have an innate curiosity to see things in order to confirm them.”- I replied and turned the page of my book.

- “Oh, that explains why I'm going to Rossi's tomorrow night. I want to see if he really can cook. You guys coming?”- she sounded so happy, so excited to spend time with us. So alive, if that makes any logical sense.

- “I don't know. I'm not so sure we can make it. We still have some things about the wedding we have to take care of”- I lied between my teeth knowing she would see through my deceit in a second.

- “Look, Reid, I know you're mad at us because we didn't tell you what really happened, and I understand that. But I promise you, we had no choice.”- she made a long pause and I felt her eyes on me, so I looked at her for a second, feeling my heart tighten into my chest. I wasn’t mad at her, I was glad she was there, alive and trying to preach to me. It was hard not to smile at her.

- “You mourned the loss of a friend. I mourned the loss of 6.”- I opened my mouth, but not a word came out of it. (Y/N) moved on her seat and I turned to her, afraid we might have woken her up. But no, she was still out.

- “This whole thing gave me an ulcer. Please don't give me another one. Are you gonna go to Rossi's tomorrow?”

- “We'll see.”- I whispered, knowing she had a point. I was still mad at JJ, but I knew I had to leave it behind for the sake of our mental health, and the team.

- “Also, I need to throw a bachelorette party for your future wife, so please don’t let her be mad at me any longer. I miss her.”- Prentiss whispered as she stood up and walked away. I looked at (Y/N) and sighed. All I wanted was to see her happy. Would forgiving JJ help her smile again?

Wednesday night I drove us to Rossi’s after a long talk. We didn’t want to be the ones causing trouble in the team, though I knew it was going to take more than just a cooking class for us. We were mad at JJ and a part of the trust had been broken. But (Y/N) had made a point after we discussed it.

- “We’ve been through a lot in the last six years. I don’t wanna let this argument get the best of us. And arguing with JJ is exhausting.”

I agreed with her only because I wanted to see her happy. I was still upset with the whole deal, but if she was ready to put it behind us, then so it should be.

Still, it was weird driving over to Rossi’s after everything we had done that week. I knew we hadn’t been nice or even mature dealing with the whole deal, and clearly, we were going to have to work on an apology for the team in the close future.

- “Reids! You made it!”- Morgan opened the front door and smiled at us - “Come in, we were just getting started.”- I closed the door behind our back and walked to the kitchen, where Rossi held a pan with what seemed to be onion and pancetta.

- “We can still turn around and leave”- I whispered and felt (Y/N)’s hand squeezing mine.

- “Let’s just endure it and when we are back home, maybe I will reward you, daddy.”- she murmured in my ear and giggled.

- “Hands where I can see them”- Morgan teased and (Y/N) giggled.

- “Sorry we are late”- I waved and took a look at the team. JJ turned to us and smiled shyly, almost scared we were going to snap at her… as we had done for the last week. I cut her an awkward smile and stood by the kitchen aisle, next to (Y/N).

- “Are we drinking already?”- she asked as Rossi put two glasses of red wine in front of us.

- “He hasn’t let us even sip it!”- Garcia complained immediately.

- “Yes, when do we get to drink the wine?”- Emily asked.

- “Almost there”- Rossi answered, still fully focused on the pan- “Ok, we start at the beginning. You eat what you cook, I'll supervise, but we're gonna do this all together, just like a family.”

- “Ok now?”- JJ asked raising her glass of wine

- “Now.”- Rossi grabbed his glass and raised it. We all followed him, saying cheers.

- “Do we all really have to cook?”- Emily asked leaving her glass on the table a few seconds later.

- “Yes, we do.”- David replied and raised an eyebrow.

- “Come on, zombie Prentiss, you don’t even have to chop the onion!”- (Y/N) argued, making me chuckle at the nickname.

- “Did you just call me a zombie?”- Emily widened her eyes.

- “Weren’t you dead a few days ago?”- (Y/N) replied with an adorable smile.

- “You are so lucky I love you, (Y/N).”- Prentiss added and hugged my girlfriend carefully.

- “Rumor says around the BAU that you wanted to throw me a bachelorette party.”- Emily’s face lightened up with those words.

- “I do! We do! Are you serious?! Can we all?”- I looked at Garcia and JJ and the two of them seemed to be both excited and nervous about the answer.

- “Of course, you can! I was counting on it! You and Lu are my only girlfriends ever!! You are basically my entire bridesmaid's squad!”

- “Did you hear that, pretty boy? Your lady is going out with her friends”- Morgan sipped his wine and looked at me raising an eyebrow- “That means we have to schedule your bachelor party as well.”

- “And don’t forget to invite Mikey and Frank!”- (Y/N) added looking at our friend.-“They would go bonkers if they miss a stripper party.”

- “Are you gonna let him go?”- Morgan asked her, almost shocked.

- “Why wouldn’t I? He is not gonna cheat with a stripper, most likely, he will try not to even touch one because of the number of germs they might have.”- I shook my head and sipped my glass of wine as everybody around us laughed. My girlfriend was right, one more time.

- “Alright kids, let’s cook!”- Rossi commanded and guided us to the stove. (Y/N) turned to me and smiled. She seemed happy, and that was all that mattered at that minute to me.

(Y/N)’s point of view

Around ten, after we cooked and enjoyed dinner, Rossi invited us out to his patio for a drink. I was excited to have a glass of his favorite scotch, ‘cos damn! that thing was good!

- “If Spencer asks, can you tell him I went out for a second to pick something from the car?”- I asked Penelope, who was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend was currently helping Rossi with the booze, and I didn’t want him to get worried.

It was a cold night and I had forgotten to bring my jacket inside the house. I wasn’t even sure I had brought one along, but I knew I had some of Spencer’s in the trunk of the car ‘cos I has planned to have them dry clean before our honeymoon.

I opened the trunk and went through some of the bags we had there. I knew I had to take a minute of my day to clean the back of that car, but days were crazy at that point in life, and I didn’t have enough time. I just grabbed one of Spencer’s jackets (one of my favorites) and put it on. I knew he wasn’t going to get mad at me ‘cos he loved to see me in his clothes. Besides, I loved wearing anything of his, ‘cos it felt like he was hugging me the entire time.

I rushed back inside the house and closed the door behind my back. I could hear our friend’s laughter from the backyard and made my way over quickly, chilling. I put my hands inside the pockets as I walked faster, seeing Spencer waiting for me, standing next to my seat, holding a glass of scotch.

But in a second, I stopped. I felt something inside the pocket. My hand grabbed a small bottle. I took it and simply looked at it as my entire world crumbled in a second. It was Dilaudid. A whole bottle of that shit, hidden in my boyfriend’s jacket.

I held it, as tears filled my eyes. I felt my breath leave my lungs, as everything I thought was real turned into a bunch of lies. Spencer had Dilaudid this entire time. I was about to marry a liar, and clearly, a drug addict.

- “(Y/N)?”- he called out my name as he stared at me from the other side of the room. I kept my eyes glued to the bottle for a few minutes before I turned to him. He was pale, in shock and petrified I knew his secret.

- “(Y/N), wait!”- I heard him beg as I turned around and ran out of Rossi’s. I ran as fast as I could until I made it to the car and started it.

- “(Y/N)! Please stop!! Let me explain!!”- Spencer yelled and tapped on the window of the car before I started the engine and drove away as fast as I could, leaving him screaming behind.

No, I didn’t want his explanations, I didn’t want to hear anything from him. I wanted to get away from that fucking liar as fast as possible.

He got drugs. He was using again. All that shit he kept saying about him never lying to me was nothing but bullshit. My hands were shaking as I drove with no destination. I didn’t want to go back to our apartment. I didn’t want to go anywhere he could find me. I wanted to disappear and get away from Spencer Reid.

I had never felt like that before. Not even once. I guess I had never felt betrayed by him before.

I tried to find my cell phone or my purse, but as I rushed out, I left them at Rossi’s. It was a good thing in a way, at least Spencer wasn’t going to call me. So I just drove and cried for a good hour, trying to put as much distance as possible between us. I didn’t even have the keys to our apartment, but I didn’t want to go there. I didn’t want to go anywhere, I just wanted to disappear. I didn’t have a wallet or my ID either. Not even my badge… but at that minute all I could think of was Spencer using Dilaudid and fooling me about it. Since when? Where was he using? After I slept? During cases?

And why did he relapse? It just wasn’t fair! Was it because of Emily’s dead? Maybe what he had said to JJ that week wasn’t a lie and he had gotten drugs to avoid thinking about Prentiss and simply numb himself.

How couldn’t he just trust me? Tell me he was feeling weak? I would have helped him, I would have given my life for him! How could he just betray me like that? He claimed to love me more than anyone else on earth, but how was he doing such a thing behind my back?

- “I hate you!!”- I yelled, sobbing as I hit the wheel.

I drove over two hours without a destination. In silence. I swear I couldn’t even think straight. I couldn’t hold a thought in my head. I mostly just sobbed and cursed. I knew I wasn’t going to go home that night, and I couldn’t just crush Penelope’s or Prentiss’. Spencer would definitely look for me at Frank’s, Lu’s, and Mikey’s. So I turned to the one person I didn’t want to be with during those circumstances, most of all because I didn’t want to explain anything and she was going to ask too many questions.

- “Baby, what are you doing here so late?”- mom opened the front door and stared at me in shock. My chin just quivered and I started crying again- “Oh my god! What happened? Are you hurt?”- she opened her arms and held me tight.

- “Can I stay here tonight?”

- “Of course, baby! Come on inside! You are shaking! Let me make you some tea.”

- “Can you make it a scotch?”- mom didn’t argue, she just nodded as she closed the door behind our back.

- “What happened?”- I followed her to the kitchen and sat at the aisle, watching her pouring a glass of scotch for me and one for her.

- “Spencer and I had an argument and I don’t wanna see him right now.”

- “Why? Oh my god! Did he cheat? ‘Cos if he did, I’m gonna kill him!”- I shook my head as I stared at mom’s face turning red with anger in a second.

- “No, but he lied and I found out the hard way. It’s… I don’t wanna talk about it, mom.”- Sofia just walked to me and hugged me. I had to bite my lips not to continue crying.

- “My baby, and a week before the wedding. There isn’t a worse time for an argument than this.”

The wedding. I had forgotten. But I couldn’t think of that at that minute. I was too upset to collect my thoughts and be rational. I just wanted to drink and forget at that minute.

Of course, I wasn’t going to be able to do either of those things, ‘cos the bell rang, and then someone knocked at the door frantically. I knew I had hidden the car in the garage, if Spencer was there looking for me, he couldn’t know I was in fact in the house.

- “That’s him. I am not here”- I said to my mom and grabbed my glass, running upstairs. Mom sighed and walked to the door. I hid upstairs and closed my eyes, in a futile effort to turn invisible, I think.

- “Spencer! What happened? You scared me! Is there something wrong? Is my daughter ok?”

- “Sofia, I am sorry to bother you so late at night, but… have you seen (Y/N)?”

- “No, I haven’t seen her in days. Why? What happened? Is everything ok?”- I have to give kudos to my mom, she is an excellent actress. I was sure she was fooling Spencer.

- “We… we just had a small argument and she ran off. I am worried ‘cos she left her cell phone and her keys and I don’t know where she is.”

- “I am so sorry to hear that Spencer, but if it was a small argument, I am sure she will reconsider and come back home very soon.”

- “If she comes over, would you please tell her to come home? I need to talk to her and explain how things happened. I don’t want her to make any rushed decision.”- Spencer begged, and my heart kept breaking with every word. A part of me wanted to hold him, and an even bigger part of me wanted to smack the shit out of him. Fucking liar.

- “I will if I see her. But you know, Spencer, my daughter doesn’t usually turn to me for help. Did you try at Frank’s, Lu or Mikey’s? Maybe they have seen her.”- mom’s voice was smooth and confident. Best performance of her life.

- “I did… now they are mad at me too.”- Spencer mumbled- “Well… if you know anything…”

- “I will definitely call you.”

- “Thank you, Sofia.”

Mom closed the door and I finished what was left in my glass in one shot. After a few minutes, when I heard him closing his car door, I stood up and walked downstairs.

- “He seemed honestly concerned, honey. He wasn’t pretending.”

- “I know”- I whispered as I walked into the kitchen and poured myself another drink- “I’m not saying he is a bad person, I’m saying he fucked up way too much for me to just simply forgive him. I don’t even wanna see him right now.”

- “But if he didn’t cheat, what did he do?”

I opened y mouth and no word came out. Did I want to tell my mom the truth about Spencer?

- “He still lied about something very serious, mom. Please don’t ask me all the details now.”

- “Fine, I’m not gonna push you. But you know you can trust me, right peanut?”- mom held my hand and I nodded. I knew we didn’t have the best relationship, but I knew she loved me.

- “Thank you.”

- “Now let’s try to get some sleep, you still need to go to work tomorrow and deal with this mess.”

I groaned at the thought of getting up early and going to work, mostly ‘cos it meant being with Spencer and seeing the rest of the team. I was sure they had a lot of questions too.

My room was a time capsule. Mom always kept my and my brother’s rooms clean and almost ready for us to come back. I didn’t want to deal with that sign of her denial at the minute, I had too much on my plate by then. I sat on my bed and looked at the posters on the wall. That was the last place I pictured myself a week before my wedding. That was another thing I didn’t want to think about: The wedding. How could I marry a man I didn’t trust anymore?

I lay on my old bed and stared at the ceiling. There were still some glow-in-the-dark star stickers up there. I remembered the day we got them at the mall, and Mikey helped me put them on the ceiling, ‘cos he was way taller than me at the time (and still is).

- “Hello?”- thinking about Mikey made me want to talk to him- “Nugget?”

- “Yeah, hey.”

- “What happened? Doc showed up here a while ago, asking if I had seen you…”

- “We fought.”- I whispered.

- “Figured.”- my friend sighed as I just laid on my bed, in silence- “So you are at your mom’s.”

- “Yeah, calling from my old room, old telephone… if things go wrong I can always choke myself with the cord.”

- “Loving your positivity, girl. What happened?”- I sighed and thought about my words before I answered, I knew I could trust Mikey, I just… I don’t know. It hurt too much to think about what had just happened, I guess.

- “He lied.”

- “Did he cheat?”- I chuckled thinking that would, of course, be the worst scenario for everybody.

- “Not technically. But he did lie about… remember when I helped him detox a million years ago?”

- “Yeah…”- Mikey made a pause and gasped- “He started using again?!”- I don’t know why I nodded if he couldn’t see me- “Did you see him getting high? Was he violent?”

- “No. I found a bottle of Dilaudid in his jacket.”

- “Shit.”

- “Yeah.”- I took a deep breath and made the biggest effort to keep my tears back. I didn’t want to cry “in front” of Mikey or of anyone as a matter of fact.

- “I’m gonna kill him.”

- “Not if I kill him first. And as far as I remember, I’m the one carrying a gun.”- I could feel my friend’s hesitation through the line. Was I serious or was I kidding? Not even I knew.

- “Nugget… did he give you any explanation? Did he even try to justify his actions?”

- “I refused to talk to him. I was too mad. He didn’t tell me felt that bad. He never hinted he might start using again, and just a few days ago he denied getting drugs or even thinking about using again. There is nothing to explain. He is a drug addict and a liar. And I don’t wanna know what he has to say.”

- “I can’t believe he is doing this to you. He loves you so much.”

- “Well, apparently, he loves that fucking needles more than he loves me.”- I didn’t want to believe my own words, but honestly, at that point, they seemed to be true.

- “Wanna come over tomorrow? Frank and Lu could come too, we can talk this through, try to…”

- “Thanks. I am not really sure I wanna see anyone right now.”

- “That’s why I said tomorrow, nugget. Not today.”- I kept my eyes glued to the ceiling for a moment, not saying a word. Mikey sighed again and probably rolled in bed.

- “Remember when we got those glow-in-the-dark star stickers for my ceiling?”

- “Yeah, we were twelve or something. Why do you ask?”

- “You and Frank made fun of me and Lu and said these things were gonna fall in an hour, and they are still there.”

- “So? I will start trusting industrial glue from now on.”

- “They lasted more than my relationship with Reid.”

- “Don’t say that, (Y/N). Don’t. Not until he explains what actually happened.”

- “What? Are you on his side now? Did he melt you with his useless explanations when he stopped by your place?”

- “No. I’m just saying don’t make any decision just yet. Not until you talk to him.”

- “I don’t wanna talk to him.”

- “You are mad today, but tomorrow you’ll see things much clearer.”

- “I’m not so sure about that, Mikey. I’ll talk to you tomorrow and I’ll let you know.”

- “If you don’t call me in the morning, I’m gonna stop by your work at lunch.”

- “You haven’t done such a thing ever since I started working at the BAU. Why should I believe you?”

- “I dunno. To surprise you?”

- “Good night Mikey.”

- “Don’t make any rushed decision, nugget. Spencer loves you.”

- “So what if he does? He lied, got drugs, and didn’t tell me how he felt. What kind of love is that?”

- “He is only human, (Y/N). You can’t ask him to be perfect. He is gonna fuck up, but he can redeem himself, can he?”

Honestly, I didn’t know if he could. You see, lying is one thing, but lying and using drugs after promising me you were never going to do it again, that’s a completely different thing.

- “Good night Mikey.”

Spencer’s point of view

The second I saw (Y/N) walk into the house with that damn jacket, I knew what was gonna happen. It all hit me quite fast. My mistake. The fact I had actually forgotten I had gotten that shit was my first and biggest mistake. Why didn’t I get rid of it when I could? How could I forget I had it around? Hidden. I should have known I couldn’t hide anything from her. Why did I even try?

- “(Y/N)?”- the look in her eyes was brokenhearted as she stared at me from the other side of the room. Not a single word left her lips. She was struggling not to cry, and I was starting to panic.

- “(Y/N), wait!”- I begged and started walking toward her as she turned her back to me and basically scaped out of the house.

- “(Y/N)! Please stop!! Let me explain!!”- I ran after her and watched her get into her car. Her eyes were filled with tears as she started the engine and drove away from me, leaving me alone, with all my explanations.

- “Spencer? What the hell happened?”- Penelope showed up as I started sobbing, my lips quivering as I made my best not to cry, ‘cos I honestly didn’t want to give our friends any kind of explanation about what had just happened.

- “I need to go.”- I mumbled and turned back into the house to get our things.

- “Spencer!”- Garcia yelled and followed me closely.- “What the hell happened? Why did (Y/N) run away so fast?”

- “Kid?”- Morgan was waiting at the door, but I didn’t reply to him either. I just gathered all of our things, turned to Rossi, and nodded.

- “I’m sorry, but I have to go. Thank you for everything, David.”

- “Reid.”- Hotch stopped me and walked me to the door.- “Is (Y/N) ok?”

- “I… I don’t know.”

- “Is everything ok between you two?”

- “I honestly don’t know.”- I didn’t want to answer any of those questions, but after such a scene, it felt necessary, I guess- “I’m sorry about all this. I have to go”- Hotch didn’t say another word, he just nodded as I ran out of the house, desperately searching for a cab.

- “Shit, shit, shit”- I walked down the street, carrying (Y/N)’s purse, looking for a taxi. I wanted to call her, ask where she was, stop her angst, and tell her I hadn’t used a drop of drug ever since she helped me rehab four years ago.

She wasn’t going to talk to me after this, I knew her. She was going to close emotionally, and honestly, so would I after that massive fuck up. I knew I had broken her heart. I had ruined her trust. And I didn’t know how to fix that. Just a few days ago she had told me she knew she wouldn’t be able to deal with me using drugs again, and now she just found drugs in my pocket. Why am I so stupid?! How could I let this happen? Why did I have to be so stupid to get that fucking bottle of Dilaudid?

A cab finally appeared and I basically jumped into the back seat.

- “Where to, chief?’”

- “1333 Connecticut Ave.”

I gave the driver Frank’s address, which was closest (technically) but also was the one person (Y/N) would turn to first in case of trouble. But… she knew I knew that which meant she wasn’t going to go there first. I groaned and held my head with both hands as I tried to think clearly. I could do it for a case, I could do it with any other problem in life. But when it came to (Y/N), I just couldn’t do it.

I was desperate. I felt I was running out of oxygen. I wish I didn’t know her so well because I had clear how screwed I was. Of all the things on earth I could ask (Y/N) for forgiveness, I knew drugs were a topic she would never be merciful with. She hated me, of that I was sure. I hated myself so at least we agreed on something.

- “Here we are”- the driver announced, but I was already halfway out of the cab, I threw him a twenty and ran to Frank’s door. I pushed his apartment ring so many times, I was afraid I had broken it.

- “What the fuck?!”

- “Frank! Sorry! It’s Spencer!”

- “Doc! Come on up!”- he opened the door for me and I ran the four floors to his door. Halfway up I realized it was obvious (Y/N) wasn’t there: Frank opened the door. He would have never done it if he knew what I had done.

- “Is everything ok? Is (Y/N) ok? Where is she?”- Frank stood by the opened door and looked at me with terror in his eyes. I don’t know what I looked like, running frantically inside his apartment and searching around for my fiance.

- “I am looking for her! Have you seen her? Is she here?”- I tried to breathe, but it was honestly getting harder every second. Frank closed the door confused and walked to me, holding both my shoulders and staring at me.

- “What the fuck are you talking about, doc? Where is (Y/N)?”

- “I don’t know where she is. We… we had a fight and she ran away.”- my friend frowned and stayed still for a second, processing all the information.

- “What? You two had an argument? Why? What did you do?”- it was very sweet of him to assume I had done wrong. He was also very right.

- "She… we… I had..."

- "Frank?"- I heard a female voice coming from his room and my heart skipped a beat. I let him go and ran over, opening the door just to find… a naked girl in his bed.

- "(Y/N)!! Shit! Sorry!"- the poor girl covered herself and screamed as I quickly turned around, bumping into Frank- "I'm sorry I didn't know you had a friend over."

- "What the fuck are you doing, Reid?! Where is (Y/N)? What the fuck did you do to her?"- Frank shouted in my face as I tried to focus.

- "She is mad at me and won't let me explain anything. She just ran off after…"- I looked at his closed bedroom door but still felt uncomfortable talking about that issue so close to a stranger. So I walked back to the living room knowing Frank would follow me.

- "A few years ago I was abducted and my captor forced me to use Dilaudid. After that, I was hooked for a few months until (Y/N) helped me detox. I've been going to NA meetings every month ever since and I haven't relapsed. But…"

I paused and looked at him, he didn't look surprised at all, he only looked mad.

- "Did she ever tell you?"

- "What the fuck did you do Spencer?"- his voice was closer to a growl at that minute, and his eyes were still deep in anger.

- "Nothing!! I swear!! She thinks I relapsed 'cos she found a bottle of Dilaudid in my jacket! But I didn't!! I could never do that to her!"

- "Then why did you have it?! Did it magically appear in your pocket?!”- Frank lost it again and yelled at me. I flinched and couldn't even open my mouth to reply.

I know anyone could think Frank’s reaction was out of proportion. But it wasn’t. You see, (Y/N) was his best friend on earth and he loved her like a little sister. And I had hurt his little sister. If you ask me, I was fucked.

- “Look, I know I ruined things with her, but for a small fragment of time after Prentiss’s death, I thought I needed it. I didn’t! I never used it! I should have gotten rid of it!”

- “You shouldn’t have fucking got it in the first time, Spencer!!”- Frank really looked like he was about to smack me.

- “I know! I know! And now she thinks I’m probably using it again! And she will want to cancel the wedding and dump me! And it’s all my fault!”- Frank shook his head and walked to the kitchen.

I followed him waiting for his yells. Maybe he could punch me. I was even looking forward to it, I deserved all the pain he was willing to make me feel. I could take anything, except (Y/N)’s rejection.

But no. Instead, he got me a beer and one from himself. He opened it, sat by the aisle, and moved a chair for me.

- “You are an asshole.”

- “I know! But I don’t have time for a beer and some advice! I need to find her!”

- “Dude, you won’t find her tonight. And trust me, you don’t wanna talk to her right now. You need to wait until her anger soothes a little… if that’s even possible considering how deep into shit you are right now.”

I stared at him and grabbed the beer, sipping it and almost drinking half of it. Frank raised an eyebrow and sighed.

- “Neither Mikey nor Lu had called me yet, which means she is not there either.”

- “I don’t care, I’m going anyway.”- I don’t know why I acted like a brat, but in my defense, I was desperate and I wasn’t thinking straight.

- “Doc, you fucked it up. You have to plan your apology instead of running around town like a headless chicken!”

- “She is gonna cancel the wedding!”- I yelled and jumped from the chair, feeling the walls closing in.

- “If you talk to her tonight she might!”- Frank lit a cigarette and nodded- “Think Spencer! You’ve known her for so long, use all your (Y/N) intel to figure out how to fix this instead of acting with your guts!”

- “I don’t have time to think! She is gonna… I just need to hold her.”- I bit my lips as I paced across that kitchen, feeling impotent and useless- “I know I have a wealth of knowledge about her I could be applying to find her and apologize effectively. But right now, I can’t focus on anything for longer than three seconds at a time, which makes me the dumbest person in this room.”

- “Jeez, thanks”- Frank chuckled and stood up to wrap an arm around my shoulders, as I inevitably broke down in tears.

- “I love her so much it hurts. And I need to find her so I can explain to her I would never do anything that might hurt her,”

- “Doc, getting that bottle hurt her. She is out there thinking you picked drugs over her.”

Yes, I knew it was stupid of me to say “I would never hurt her” when I had just done that exact thing. But trust me, I wasn’t myself that night.

I sobbed against Frank’s shoulder as he hugged me in silence for a few minutes.

- “47.450”- I whispered as wiped off my tears with my jacket and started walking around the kitchen again.

- “What are you talking about Doc?”

- “47.450 is the number of hours I’ve spent with her ever since I met her. One hour without her and I feel I’m losing my mind. Please help me.”- he stared at me not knowing what to say- “Help me find her.” 

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[sunnyie-eve]

20 | Cruel

Series: Significant

Paring: Colby Brock x Original female character

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2.1k

| MASTERLIST |

~

Penelope just finished getting dressed to go out to lunch with Jake and his boyfriend Freddie. They finally had time to do so since Jake was usually booked a lot and Freddie just got back from Seoul.

Before heading out, the guys noticed her peppy mood while she was in the kitchen. "What's up, Penny?" Corey asks her.

"Nothing, just going out to lunch with a friend." She smiles.

"Guy or girl?"

"Guy. Does it matter?" She giggles at him.

"Nope." He looks over at Colby listening to them.

"Well, they're picking me up and here so I'll be back later." She leaves the house.

"Why are you looking at me?" Colby asks him annoyed.

"You jealous?" He laughs as Devyn enters the room.

"Hey, I have two friends coming over for a bit because I have to do one's makeup so I hope that's okay with you guys." She tells the group and they say it's fine.

Colby didn't care since they always brought random friends over but as soon as he saw the two faces he suddenly cared when they showed up.

"Oh God." He can't help but let out as Tyson and Megan enter the room.

"Long time no see, Colby. Sam." Tyson grins.

"You know Colby?" Megan looks at who her boyfriend is at the moment.

"You know him?" Tyson turns to her.

"Yeah, he dated a girl I sorta work with at times."

"I still do by the way so sorry you thought what you did would change that." Colby says then curses at himself because now he had to deal with Tyson giving him shit too.

"Oh, this is Megan... You two dating?" Sam asks them.

"Yeah, I'm her boyfriend. How do you know my girlfriend?" Tyson crosses his arms as the front door opens and Penelope sees the two. "Penny." Tyson smiles.

"Am I hallucinating you two here?" She walks past them joining Sam and Colby's side along with Devyn and Corey.

"No, you aren't." Megan eyes her rudely.

"They're dating." Colby lets her know and Penelope lets out a laugh.

"You two are perfect for each other. Let me guess you met by cheating with each other?"

"Penelope..." Devyn looks at her surprised at how she was acting.

"What? I know how they are. I literally dated him and worked with her. She forced herself onto Colby a week ago and he cheated on me." Penelope explains why she was acting that way.

"You did what?" Tyson looks at Megan.

"Yeah, right." She laughs.

"Do you lie 24/7 or?" Colby asks her, "I completely remember you forcing your tongue down my throat." He laughs.

"Listen, I only did it in hopes Penelope would break up with him for what she did to Darwin." Megan turns to Tyson.

Tyson completely ignores everything except Penelope and Colby's part, "You finally manned up, Colby. Taking my,"

Colby cuts him off, "If you say leftovers... I swear to god, Tyson." He gets off the couch making Penelope and Sam grab his arms.

"Stop it." Penelope looks at him, "And he didn't take your leftovers because we aren't actually dating. We never did. That's why I wasn't mad when you forced yourself onto him. Colby's just a good friend who doesn't to see me get hurt by assholes." Penelope cracks going to her room.

How could the day go from good to the worst in just a few hours? Laying on her bed with her eyes closed Penelope brings her hands to her throat choking herself wanting to disappear. As soon as she couldn't breathe she stopped.

"Hey, Devyn kicked them out." Sam pops his head into her room.

"Okay." She says not really caring.

"What's wrong? Talk to me." Sam enters her room.

"I just wanna disappear. Since moving out here so much unnecessary shit happens. Not to mention, more hate from your fans."

"They aren't our fans if they hate you. And yeah, maybe some unnecessary shit has happened but that's life for you." He takes a seat next to her.

"You're not helping." Penelope laughs sitting up.

"I'm sorry. Do you want to be alone?"

"Please." She smiles so he gets up and leaves the room.

Laying back down she stares at her ceiling before coming up with a prank for the guys. Jumping up she grabs her camera setting it up.

"Hey, guys. This is gonna be my first prank video on my roommates. Not too long ago today, like literally a few minutes ago some stuff happened so I think this prank will a hundred percent work. I'm gonna tell the guys I decided to move back home because stuff is getting too hard for me. I still haven't been pranked yet but I'm sure I will be soon now. So I'm gonna set my camera up in here and hide it can call the guys in here. Wish me luck." She gets up to hide her camera.

Luckily when she opened her door to call out to someone Colby was walking up the stairs, "Oh, Colby can you get Sam please and come in here?" She asks him.

"Yeah." He walks back downstairs to get Sam and they enter her room at the same time. "What did you need us for?" They take a seat on her bed.

"I've been thinking..." She sighs and they get worried, "I think I'm gonna move back home for a while. Harper said I can stay in her extra room at her house. It's just things have been getting to me and,"

Colby cuts her off, "You can't move back home."

"I really need to Colby. It's just not working out here."

"Are you serious?" Sam asks her.

"I'm sorry but..." She gets her eyes watery.

"I can't right now." Colby leaves the room upset.

"Colby..." Sam looks at the door, "I'll talk to him. But I completely understand." Sam gets up giving her a hug.

"I got you both." She giggles making Sam pull out of the hug, "My camera is over there." She points it out.

"You suck. Colby is upset now." Sam laughs a bit.

"I know so let's go tell him the truth." She hands Sam her camera as they go to Colby's room. "Colby." She knocks on his door opening it and Sam stays back a bit.

"I'm sorry but I'm not letting you move back home. I can't. Remember you're stuck with Sam and me forever." He grabs her arm. "I get shit is happening and I'm sorry but you can't."

"Colby, Colby." Penelope tries to calm him down, "I pranked you and Sam." She says so Sam comes in with the camera.

Colby covers his face, "I can't believe you did that to us. You're so mean." He looks back at her, "That means you entered the war now." He points at her.

"I know." She makes a face taking her camera from Sam. "I'm sorry but I got you two good. Thank you guys for watching. I'm sure more will be coming soon. Make sure to like, comment, and subscribe. Give me some ideas for pranks. Bye." She ends the video.

"You're so cruel. I seriously wasn't going to let you move back home. I would have locked you away." Colby tells her.

"That's even worse! You're locking me away!" She laughs.

~

"Penny, I want us to prank the house." Devyn enters Penelope's room as she just got home from a shoot.

"What do you have in mind?" Penelope was on board with her.

"Since everyone is out of the house at the moment, let's give you a black eye and some bruises." She gives her a look.

"Oh, I'm in." They start to film themselves and Devyn doing makeup on her while they chat about a backstory. The final look was a black eye and bruises on her forearms and biceps so they set some hidden cameras in the house. Since Penelope didn't have a lot of cameras they used Sam's, Colby's, and Corey's cameras as well.

"I did good." Devyn looks at her work as they hear the door downstairs. "I'm gonna go make you an icepack and you're gonna walk downstairs hiding your eye." Devyn leaves the room.

Penelope puts on a cardigan to hide her arms for a bit and makes her hair cover her eye keeping her head down as she walk downstairs.

"Why do you need an ice pack?" Corey asks Devyn in the kitchen.

"It's not for me." She tells him so he looks at Penelope sitting on the couch.

"What happened? Why is your head down? Penelope?" Corey walks over to her. Penelope looks up at him and he grabs her by the chin to look at her face, "What the hell happened to you!" he shouts making Penelope look away from him. "Devyn?" Corey looks at her.

"She said some guy grabbed her when she was leaving work. She got free and came home quickly." Devyn hands Penelope the ice pack.

"Did you get a good look at him? We can go to the police." Corey gets down in front of her trying to get a better look at her so she shakes her head no.

"No, I didn't because he's not real." She moves the icepack and gives him a smile.

"We got you!" Devyn shouts.

"That's not real?" Corey grabs Penelope's face to look at her eye.

"Nope, Devyn did it to prank the house so when Same and Colby get home you have to play along with us." Penelope tells him.

"You had me worried about you. I actually thought someone hit you." Corey pouts so Penelope hugs him apologizing.

Corey pulls out his phone and calls Colby telling him something happened to Penelope and not much later he and Sam rush in since they were already on their way home. "What's wrong? What happened?" Colby runs over to see Devyn comforting Penelope, "Corey what happened?" He asks as Corey stands in front of him and walks him and Sam over to where another camera is hidden.

"Devyn told me Penelope cried some guy grabbed her when she was leaving work. She got free from him after a while and came home quickly in tears." Corey adds a tad bit more to the story.

Colby shoves Corey out of his way going over to Penelope, "Penny, what did he do to you?" He grabs her arm making her whine out in pain. "Why do you have a sweater on? It's hot. Let me see." He takes it off her forcefully to see all the bruises.

"Penelope, what the hell? We need to go to the police." Sam speaks up.

"No." She begs him.

"No, we're going right now." Colby grabbed were there were no bruises to pull her up from the couch.

"Colby, no." Penelope fights free, "We don't need to go."

"Have you seen yourself? Yes, we are! Do you actually know who did this to you?" He asks worried and pissed at whoever did this to her.

"N-no." She studders.

"You do... I swear to god if it was any of the three Penelope." He grabs her again, "We're getting you checked out." She fights to get free so he picks her up.

"It's a prank!" Devyn, Corey, and Penelope yell.

"What?"

"It's all makeup I did on her. The prank was my idea. Corey fell for it too but we told him to play along once we told him." Devyn explains so Colby puts Penelope down looking at her.

"No one actually hurt me, Colby. See." She licks her finger then wipes it on her arm making it smear, "It's not real."

Colby walks over to sit on the couch tearing up, "That's not funny, guys. I thought someone really hurt you. I was ready to kill someone."

"I'm sorry." Penelope goes to sit next to him hugging him.

"You're quiet over there Sam." Devyn grabs the camera.

"I'm still in shock but relieved it's a prank. We never want to see Penelope like that. She's our best friend and we love her to death. Devyn, you and your makeup." Sam groans making her apologize.

For the rest of the day, Colby was still upset about the prank deep down. Like Sam said they never want to see her like that. Looking over at the time it was midnight so he got out of bed and went to see Penelope up late on her computer editing the video. Since she had headphones on she didn't hear him come in.

Lightly he taps on her shoulder making her turn back, "What up?" She asks him confused.

"I'm bored."

"Go to bed then." She laughs at him, "It's midnight."

"Honestly, I can't because when I close my eyes I see you beaten up."

"Colby... you're making me feel even worse now." She gets up wrapping her arms around him, "I'm sorry." She rubs his back.

"I'm not kidding. I was ready to kill somebody. Especially if it was Darwin or Tyson." He pulls her back to look at her.

"I completely believe and believed you." She giggles.

"Since you were so rude today with that prank. You owe me."

"How?" She goes to save what she's done.

"I'm sleeping in here tonight." He gets in her bed, "With my cuddle buddy. I need it for what you did to me." He opens his arms.

"You're spoiled. I can't wait till you get a girlfriend." She gets in bed with him.

[antipolin]

So Penelope doesn't get anything this season?

They took out how loved she was by the Bridgertons from the books. She has no meaningful interactions with any of them and seems to spend more time slandering them than being accepted by them.

They took out her strong relationship with Lady Danbury as her pseudo maternal figure.

They're setting up a race for the heir just for her NOT to win it.

They broke her and Eloise's friendship and there is no resolution whatsoever. Their friendship is still in tatters by the end of the season.

She's an entrepreneur and a girl boss for creating Whistledown and it's her life's work that she's so protective over she's willing to ruin her real, tangible relationships! And then she GIVES IT UP!! (side note: feminism is the fight for liberation for ALL women. you cannot be a feminist while making a career and financially gaining from the ruination of other women.)

She ends the season married to a man who cannot decide whether he's still mad at her or not and who will probably pay another visit to Miss Thompson this year.

Also her stans need to decide on one narrative. On one had I'm hearing "she's theeeee lady whistledown! she's the most influential woman in london!!" and then I hear "she's just a gossip writer why would the queen want to go after her?" and then I hear "Pen was completely in the right to go after Marina! She was lying to Colin!!!" but yet I'm hearing "omg Eloise stop trying to ruin this for Pen" Like they are DELUSIONAL and they're also very stupid and I'm just glad Pen ends this season with nothing but that jobless man who settled for her that's probably going to make her proofread his sexcapade journal entries.

Penelope gets everything she wants this season what are you talking about anon.

[talaok]

I've dreamed of this | Pt. IX

Summary: You are a part of the BAU, and for the longest time you and Dr. Spencer Reid had been best of friends, even when it was clear to everyone else, and at times to you, that you should be more than that, and when something almost happens on a night out with the team, everything is destined to change.

This is a double pov story (each chapter will be alternated between y/n's and spencer's pov)

Chapter summary: Penelope calls you, and causes a chain reaction

warnings: angst (please don’t be mad at me)

<if you want to be added to the tag-list comment or write to me>

previous part | next part

*I'm really sorry for the long wait*

y/n

even his couch felt more comfortable than your own.

It was like you were meant to be here, it felt, like you were meant to be here.

The moment you woke up this morning, your head against his chest, and his sweet amber eyes looking down at you, the only question scratching your mind was why? Why have I waited this long for something I now see, was everything I've always wanted, if not needed?

It didn't make sense,

but then again, it did.

He had told you not to move, begged you even, to promise you wouldn't leave, and you didn't know how to tell him that that wasn't even a possibility you had weighed.

He had, unwillingly, left for work, and left you in his sunny apartment, feeling at home in one that was not your own.

You had been here before, dinners with the team, crashing at his place, movie nights where he either spent the whole time translating the film, or complaining about the improbability portrayed in the ones you chose.

You had been here, sure, but never like this,

now, it was as if you were looking at a whole new flat, a whole new world, one where things did, work out, and where his dark green walls maybe weren't so bad after all.

You had this feeling in your chest you couldn't describe as you smiled brainlessly at the off tv, relieving every second of the past 12 hours.

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't want this- a lot, for a very long time"

"I don't think I've ever meant anything more"

"would you just please let me kiss you?"

" I could too"

"I like you y/n, I've liked you for a very long time, In a way, I had never had before, and I know this isn't ideal, that there are a lot of things we should consider and talk about, and I'm willing to do that, but I just thought you should know"

"I like you, and I'm serious about this"

All of it in your brain, a constant background above the silence around you.

it felt like a dream,

this couldn't be real,

right?

You had spent so much time fighting it, rationalizing all of it, your feelings for him, the way your heart would melt every time he blushed or smiled, and now there you were.

It all felt surreal.

This wasn't supposed to happen,

This was the forbidden fruit in the garden of Eden,

and still,

you had taken a bite of the apple,

and nothing had happened,

not yet anyway.

Ring Ring

Your phone was ringing.

"Hello?" you hadn't even looked at the caller ID

"hi gorgeous, how's it going?" You recognized Penelope's voice.

You smiled at that "great" you said "it's going great"

"Really? Emily said she talked to you yesterday and you seemed down"

"Oh yes" you recalled "well, everything is better now"

"Really?"

"yes, really Pen" you smiled at her thoughtfulness,

"So did you find some things to do?"

You had to hide a laugh "Yes-yes I definitely did"

"Cool like what?"

fuck

it wasn't like you could tell her the truth.

oh yeah, so I basically got into a relationship that I'd been avoiding for years with Spencer, our coworker.

That didn't seem like it would work out

"I- I started watching- " you looked around frantically, and your eyes spotted a book "I started watching the lord of the rings"

"the whole saga?" she asked, shocked

"yes, it's been keeping me occupied"

"Spencer's gonna be happy about that" she scoffed amusedly.

Your cheeks flushed just at the mention of his name "Speaking of which" she said, and you could hear the smirk on her lips "Wonderboy arrived late today" she snickered "word on the street is he's got a girlfriend"

"What?" the words fled your mouth before you could stop them

How was it possible they already knew?

Yes, they were profilers, but no profiler was that good.

"Yes, let's just say he must have forgotten about some marks the lucky lady left on his neck"

Shit

Shit shit shit

"oh" you could only breathe

"not to mention how distracted he is " she chuckled softly "he hasn't even done his crossword this morning" she whispered as if it was some sort of profanity,

which, of course, it kind of was,

Spencer never missed a day, the whole team knew it.

You didn't know what to say, and so you stayed silent.

You could feel Penelope's attitude shift "Shoot- listen I know you two were kind of... I don't know- something-" she trailed off "but maybe this is better you know, with the whole Hotch thing and you being friends"

"I mean it's not like a woman like you doesn't have a line of men waiting for her"

"We weren't- anything" you clarified

"Sorry, I probably shouldn't have told you" you could hear the sadness creeping up her voice.

"It's fine, Pen, I'm-I'm happy for him"

"alright," she said, even though both of you knew she was still mortified "well anyway I and the gals thought we could come by this afternoon to keep you company"

Oh fuck

they couldn't come by, you weren't even there.

"oh no don't do that"

really y/n? that's the best you could come up with?

"why?" Penelope asked

C'mon think of something

"I just- I'm feeling a bit sick"

"oh" she hummed "I'm sorry," she said, " why didn't you say anything before?"

"I just didn't want you to worry"

"I'm- I'm not " she lied plainly "I could make you some soup you know? I could bring it to you. Yes, you know what, I'm gonna get off work earlier and get started on it-"

"Wait Pen"

"yes?" she stopped her rambling, and it surprised you she still had air left in her lungs.

"I think it's best if I just rest a bit y'know?"

"Sure" she smiled, but you could tell she was disappointed and worried altogether "I understand"

"thank Pen, say hi to the team for me"

"of course" she nodded "take care of yourself"

"will do" you joked "bye now"

"bye"

You stared at the colorless reflection looking back at you from the black screen,

Your smile had faded,

The feeling in your belly had mutated,

more bitter now, the warmth slowly dissipating against the cold breeze.

You should have been happy right?

You had gotten away with it,

both of you had,

Yes, the team thought Spencer had a girlfriend, but they had no idea it was you.

And you were able to convince Penelope not to come by your house.

Everything went perfectly,

so why did you feel like this?

like a puff had just caused the unsteady house of cards to fall to the ground.

You had everything you wanted,

you had him,

you had you, together.

this wasn't how it was supposed to be,

you should be feeling ecstatic,

happy,

on fucking cloud nine,

but it was as if you had to woken up from the dream, from the fable, and reality was starting to hit.

You had lied to her,

to Penelope,

one of your best friends, a person who knew everything about you, a person who'd seen you cry and laugh and puke more times than you'd like to admit.

You had to lie

Make up a bunch of things and lie to her face like it was normal, like nothing was wrong with that.

But so much was wrong with it,

And not only because it made you feel dirty, and shitty, no, but because she didn't deserve it.

She would never do it to you, you knew.

And still, you hadn't even hesitated before doing it to her.

And as much as you liked to think that it was necessary, and that it wasn't gonna be forever, you had no real guarantee that that was the truth

You had never really thought about it,

and apparently, all it took was a phone call for the pandora's box lid to fly off, and your mind was now flooding with doubts and fear, and second thoughts.

When were you gonna be able to tell people?

never, was the only answer you could think of,

You weren't allowed to date,

because of Hotch's rule,

And it's not like you could have told everyone but him, that seemed practically impossible.

So that was it, either one of you left the BAU or you would have to keep it a secret forever, continuing to lie every single day.

The thought of it terrified you,

And with it, millions more started clouding your mind.

__ __ __

"hello"

you had been crying

"hi" you smiled weakly from the couch

He threw his sachel on a chair and walked up to you immediately, bending to meet his lips with yours.

It felt good, too good.

"I've missed you" he sat next to you, a big smile on his face "I couldn't wait to get home" he confessed shily "I don't think anybody suspects anything though, so we're in the clear" he moved a lock of hair behind your ear, and his brows furrowed "what's wrong?"

You didn't know where to begin,

a tsunami of emotions was going off inside of you, and you had no idea how to get them out.

"Penelope called" you finally said

"ok" you could tell he was confused "that's good right?"

yes, Spencer, that's supposed to be good.

God, you felt like you were going crazy.

"I lied to her"

"what do you mean?"

"she said she wanted to come to my house, and I said I was sick"

"Oh" he breathed "that's-that's ok, I mean that's like a - white lie"

You could only look at him, tears threatening to spill out of your eyes.

"And you know, you could have gone back home, that would have b-"

"that's not the point Spencer" your voice broke " I lied to her, and- and I'm gonna have to keep doing it"

"what? no that's not true" he placed a hand on your thigh, trying to reassure you.

"We can't tell anyone Spence you know it"

"Well I mean we could tell her, just not Hotch"

"and how that gonna work?" you asked way too harshly.

"I'm sorry I just- there's a lot of things we haven't thought of"

"I know y/n I know" he stoaked your cheek "but we can work it out"

Oh, you so wanted to give in, to tell him that yes, maybe you could and that he was right, but you knew that wasn't the truth, as much as it pained you to say it, he was wrong.

"How?" you said "We're gonna get fired if Hotch finds out, and unless one of us wants to leave the team we're gonna have to keep it a secret," you explained with a weak voice "and I don't know-" you couldn't believe you were about to say it "I don't know if I can do it, Spencer"

It was like you had just punched him in the face,

his eyes went blank, as his smile disappeared.

"I'm sorry" you cried "I'm so sorry Spence this is all my fault I should have never come here, please- i'm so sorry" you reached for his hand.

"y/n-" he tried to talk but you interrupted him

"no, please don't try to change my mind" you begged "It's- It's not only Hotch, Spence" you confessed

"You're my friend," you said "before this, before everything you're my friend Spence, and- and you mean everything to me, y'know" you sighed "and if- if this doesn't work out I don't wanna lose you, I can't, I can't lose you, I don't think I could do it without you"

"And I know this is gonna mess things up for a bit but I hope we could still be friends because I need that Spence, I need you as I friend, and I'm scared that if we do this, like really do this, and learn we've made a mistake, then I'm gonna lose you forever, and I can't let that happen"

You hadn't noticed the tears fleeing your eyes, because your sight was fixated on him, his mouth slightly parted, his eyes still in shock.

"I-" he swallowed thickly, his eyes scanning your face "You're never gonna lose me y/n" he said "we can work this out"

"This can't be how this ends"

"I'm sorry" was all you could say

"Y/n the moment I met you, the moment you smiled and introduced yourself, I knew I wanted this, the first time I saw you laugh I thought I was gonna have a heart attack y/n, I-I- I spent the last four years of my life stealing glances at you, and planning things to do or say to make you happy." he breathed "you can't do this y/n, not now"

"I'm sorry" your lip was trembling

"please forgive me Spence but I think it's best if I go" you got up and quickly grabbed your purse just to dash to the door,

but he followed

"y/n" you turned, and he was just there, inches from you, just like that night at the bar "y/n, I lov-"

"no, don't" you covered his mouth, a sob creeping up your throat "please don't"

You let your hand fall, taking a step to be flush against him, your mouth ghosting his "this is for the best" you breathed, hopeless "I can't lose you Spence" you kissed him, fully, desperately, like it was the last time you were ever gonna do it, because, of course, it was "please understand"

you whispered,

and without looking back,

you were out of his apartment.

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[crescentcampbell]

Wouldn't You Like to Know, Ch. 11

Eleven

            It had been nearly a week since Penelope had seen Colin. She tried hard not to think about it, except that she had seen pictures and videos of him out with other women. Dancing in night clubs. Flirting. Posing for pictures with fans. As she sat there doom scrolling on Instagram, she couldn’t help but realize she was being ridiculous. They weren’t even in a relationship. Colin had basically said she should be his workplace booty call. Meanwhile, Penelope had ignored calls and texts from David Debling, another old friend of hers that had actually stayed in her life.

            David was a journalist. He wrote at The New York Times and worked with Eloise. He had been the one to get Penelope’s book passed onto her when Penelope hadn’t been brave enough to. He had been one of the few people that had stuck around when her father had been arrested.

            He had also texted her that morning and asked her to go to coffee. Something they’d been trying to plan for the past month now that she kept on putting off because she had been on deadline for the last, final installment of The Gossip book series. She had had trouble writing it.

            This morning though, after seeing yet another post of Colin out with women, she decided she was going to call David. She had let herself be fooled by Colin for the last time. She was one of the richest writers in the world, damn it. She wasn’t a simpering, teenage girl that was obsessed with him. If Colin Bridgerton actually wanted her, he could come and get her. But she wouldn’t be waiting.

            She called David.

            He answered on the first ring. “Penelope? Is that you?”

            Penelope smiled. “Hi! Um, good morning.”

            “Good morning to you too---are you mad at me?”

            She shook her head. “No, I’m not mad at you. I’ve been busy. I was working on a deadline for the last book.”

            “Oooh----did you finally get it written, Lulu Rochester?”

            She blushed. He was also one of the few people who knew her real identity. “You know I don’t talk about my work. As far as everyone knows, Lulu Rochester is currently vacationing somewhere with a beach view to do some research for the final installment of the series.”

            David chuckled. He had a deep laugh, and she had always like the sound of that. Penelope had dated on and off, but she had been careful with David because he was one of her few friends. She hadn’t wanted to lose him by dating him only to break his heart. If that was even what would happen…

            “Right,” said David, “that’s code for you still have writer’s block. You know what could help you with your writer’s block?”

            Penelope found herself blushing even though he wasn’t in the room with her. She always blushed. Why was that? “What exactly did you have in mind, Debling?”

            “How about a night out on the town? I can take you to go see Hadestown for the millionth time, and we’ll have dinner. I’m supposed to review it anyway for a Broadway retrospective I’m doing.”

            “Broadway retrospective? That’s not very politically. Isn’t that what you normally write?”

            “Yes, but our features editor is currently on bedrest because she’s pregnant, so I’m helping pick up the slack. Come on, Penelope. I thought you were finally coming around to the idea of us. I saw the pictures of you and Bridgerton----what happened?”

            Penelope sighed. “Nothing happened. He’s starring in the movie version of The Gossip. He was there to drop off some paperwork.”

            “Did you tell him about Lulu?”

            Penelope played with one of her red curls. “No, I didn’t. That would mean him finding out that Wallflowers was inspired by him and he’d know every, dirty thought I had ever had.

            David laughed. “Wouldn’t that be a relief, though?”

            She shook her head. “Writing about the Bridgerton’s was what made me lose their friendship in the first place.”

            “Pen, there are plenty, more interesting people in this life than the Bridgerton’s. You spend your whole life in that little brownstone of yours. You need to get out and meet people besides them. You’re in New York. One of the most interesting cities on the planet. Let me take you out and really introduce you to the city.”

            Penelope smiled. That was why she liked being David’s friend. He always had a way of getting her out of a funk. “You know what? Hell yeah! Let’s do that. I could use some fun and thanks to the payday I got, I won’t have to worry about being a broke, deadweight.”

            “Good. Hadestown, this Friday. And then we’ll do dinner and drinks before, yeah?”

            “Sounds perfect.”

            “You’re going to start living your life, Penelope. You’ll make it a beautiful one. I’m sure. Now, go write your damn book. You’ve got it in you. Besides, I already know that the movie is going to be wildly successful even if it does have Colin Bridgerton in it. The studio is going to be clamoring to adapt the whole series, and you will be rolling in the dough.”

            “Oh, really?”

            “Yeah, really. Get to work, Lulu Rochester.”

            Penelope let out a little, nervous laugh. “Alright. Go to work. I’m sure you’ve got human interest pieces on animals or great grandparents to write.”

            “Yes, I have one on a duck in Central Park.”

            “Will you take pictures and send them to me?”

            “Of course I will. I know how much you love them.”

            “Right. See you this weekend.”

            “See you.”

            The call ended. It was not the weekend plans that she had hoped for, but it was something. David at least knew exactly what he wanted. Unlike Colin Bridgerton, who seemed to know absolutely nothing, although Penelope had once thought that he hung the moon. She was going to have to realize that he didn’t and she could do that herself.

[choster33]

Bridgerton Season 3 ep 2 Reaction

Again, I am going at this slowly and probably going to be spoiled mercilessly until June but I am watching one episode a week until June. So here is my reaction to Episode 2. Spoilers ahead.

Ok, so I've been spoiled by references to this already. But Colin and the whores. So right now I don't feel any way about this because Colin is over age and single. He is back from Europe and has had the influence of Anthony and Benedict before him. He is not cheating on anyone here and having fun especially because he can. He has the money and the freedom to do it. He is not deflowering virgins and lying to women or mistreating them, he is getting in practice.

Now back to Polin. Ok the discussion about the first meeting is SO CUTE! He brings it up which shows how much of it he remembers and shows that it is important to him, not some insignificant thing. I would be melting! "Because we were children" indeed. The best love starts with friendship and there is no better friends than the ones you have as little children! You are your purest selves! Even Rae the housemaid thinks there's something going on! Plus I love the ease Penelope feels around Colin and that they are friends. Yes!

Colin talking to Penelope about going abroad and finding himself is surprising and refreshing. In the books, a major plot point was Colin chafing at the Bridgerton name and wanting to be known and admired for himself which leads to Penelope encouraging Colin's writing. I wonder if they will ever include Colin writing in the show and am curious about that. But I'm not mad that show!Colin is more at peace and one with himself in the show than the books, it makes him more grounded and by the time they get together Penelope will be getting whole, mature Colin. "Living for the estimation of others is a trap, once you break free, the world opens up." Swoon!

Bridgerton drawing room! Colin listens to her. He asked her where she was most comfortable and uses that information. This is the kind of stuff that makes me love friends to lovers. Whether there is sex involved or not, this is the one person who actually knows you, who actually cares about your wants and needs. He's not doing anything nefarious or even self serving, he is just being her friend. Yes! This is also one of the reasons I've always liked Colin, he is a cinnamon roll sweetheart who truly is a good friend which makes Penelope's crush on him a healthy choice.

OMG! The eyes bit! Yes, Penelope yes! See, she loves the kindness in Colin and she was vulnerable, even he needed a drink then! Ooh they put in the journal reading and hand cutting scene from the books! Yes, it was one of the scenes I loved! He is angry at her for seeing something so intimate, but he also is super close physically to her as well as a type of freedom that someone has seen his most intimate thoughts.

Ooh, hand twitching, he's definitely thinking of Penelope! Eloise is not wrong here, they are single and often unchaperoned, if they are really playing friends and leading to nothing it does not look right, but we know better! Aww, Polin laughing together! Yes, that is a horse joke! One thing I love about Polin is their mutual sense of humor at puns, jokes etc. They are both word nerds at heart and I love it.

Featheringtons and the lack of sex knowledge is a hoot! They are not my favorite people and side story, but I did cackle at that. Aww, I;m glad that Bridgerton is putting people in wheelchairs in the show! Yes and he's not a joke or anything, good for them! And Colin isn't judgmental or disapproving, score!

Ooof, damn you meddling mamas and gossiping bitches leave Penelope alone! And I am proud and clinging to the writers allowing Cressida to be a fully fleshed out person and not just a villain for not starting the gossip. Ooh, yes though on Colin defending Pen so heartily even to his own sister.

I knew Cressida wasn't the culprit! Yes, the writers are really trying to make Cressida a rounded out character and worthy of forgiveness or at least some understanding. I wonder what they are going to do for her as the season progresses... I think it might be a good look to turn things on its head and to put out the message that no one is irredeemable and etc.

The scene of Penelope at the window is so sad, even her mother doesn't believe she will get a husband and she was forced to write as Lady Whistledown about how pathetic she is. She herself knows how the game is played and how courtship works and this is not the way to get a husband, she's definitely in some deep darkness right now.

Then we get Colin coming over to check in on Pen! Ohh, she asked for a kiss! They started and now they are really going for it! Yeehaw! Squee! Omg! SO hot. The look in his eyes afterwards! Oh! I see where Colin is the prince being awakened by the kiss! Pen is like bye thanks for the kiss and it probably meant nothing to you so I won't make a thing out of it. And he is all I did it to be kind to my friend but it feels so good and right and HOT damn what am I feeling?? Yes, yes, yes!

I can't wait for the next two episodes! I'm living for this!

[thepaintedlady00]

The Sandman and The Girl Without Dreams

Chapter 14: A Kingdom of Fraying Threads

TW: Dreams in denial (and a bit of an ass), angst, The Dreaming misses its fun parent, sass, Desire, mentions of manipulation, kissing, drinking, drugs, a bit of protective Dream (he's obviously big mad)

A huge thanks to @true-queen-of-mischief once again for being an absolute help with a good chunk of these two chapters! You are amazing and I adore you! 🥰🥺

Standing in the darkness of Cain and Abel's frozen garden Morpheus felt a variety of emotions raging inside him. Hurt, anger, but most of all he felt betrayed. She left. Without speaking to him, seeking him out, she snuck away and left him alone. His hands clenched at his side. You will do it alone. She had warned him. She had told him exactly what would happen, exactly what she would do. He tore his eyes from the sky and looked to Abel. "What did she say to you?"

"Nothing, my lord," Abel replied, holding the golden creature in his hands.

Cain shook his head, he was angry, but more than that Morpheus saw the pain in his eyes as he finally looked at him. "She said she needed space."

"Space?" He asked. "She's fled The Dreaming for space?"

"She's fled The Dreaming to be free of you." It wasn't Cain that had said it, but Abel. The man looked at the garden with tears in his eyes. "For months she's been fleeing the palace, coming here or hiding away deep in the woods. All because of your callous mistreatment and unjust anger."

Morpheus didn't know how to respond, not to Abel. He'd always been the more reasonable of the brothers, the one to always bkw his head and address him formally. This was different. Abel, it seemed, didn’t know how to react either, judging by the way his face paled and his eyes went wide. Cain, however, smiled at his brother for the first time in centuries. "I think it's time you left, Dream Lord."

"You-"

"You gave us this land, these houses." Cain said sternly. "Now we're asking you to leave."

He clenched his fists in his hands and released a heavy breath as he watched the brothers stand together. With a tense nod he turned away from them. “If she should return, you will come directly to me."

As he walked through the town of his subjects he saw their cold stares and felt their anger. If he'd thought what they felt for him before was bad this was something deeper, worse than he'd felt before. Dream spent the remainder of the night on the balcony, looking out at the starless night. Even through his coat he could feel the cold breeze sink into his body. Dark clouds had slowly drifted over the moon, casting the land in pure darkness. He’d tried to fix the wrongs going on in his realm, tried and failed. Penelope was gone and it seemed as though The Dreaming was reacting to her absence accordingly. He looked at his bed and his sheets, but the longer he looked the less right it felt. Everything here, in this room, didn’t feel like his anymore. 

If he focused hard enough he could see her curled up in the bed they shared when he rose too early in the morning for her to even attempt to wake. He could see her standing in front of her wardrobe, covered only by their sheets, or if he’d been lucky covered by nothing at all. He could see her fixing her hair, lounging in the tub and inviting him to join her with that adorable mischievous grin. Morpheus couldn’t imagine the room without her in it, and yet here it stood empty… she was gone. Clenching his jaw he left the room and its swirling cold of old memories. She left. She had chosen to go. The fault did not lie with him, but with her.

Dream stacked all the books he needed on either side of his throne and sat, lips pursed and a book in his lap, but no matter how many times he tried to read it the words never stuck. His eyes always found their way to stare down the stairs and glued to the spot she’d defied him. The memory of her bowing, of her closing herself off to him haunted the space, an occurrence that seemed to be growing more and more common. The silence was one he was familiar with, one he’d spent eons sitting in and a century doing the same, unwillingly. No, he reminded himself. It hadn’t been completely silent then. Penelope had been there to add her noise to his forced quiet. 

His whole body ached. Morpheus missed her, missed her so much he could hardly breathe and she’d only been gone for a few hours. Closing the book harshly and listening to the sound of it echo empty around him he held his head in his hand and sighed. She would come home. He knew it… he hoped… she had promised.

***

The days that followed had been unbearable. He had moved from his throne to the small space behind it where his desk sat with a few other miscellaneous things for his work. Morpheus had intended to do more work, but as he stared at himself in the small mirror his thoughts raged like an untempered storm. He had been so sure she would return after a few hours to collect her thoughts. It was unlike her to stay away without even allowing him the opportunity to explain himself. Was she hurt? He wondered, his hands tightening on the edge of his desk. Had she been trapped or perhaps injured? Dream felt his heart twist in his chest as he looked down at his arm, the black sleeve covering the mark but even the thick fabric was unable to stop the light numb sensation of nothing. He closed his eyes. Would she return at all? 

Penelope had never cut off her end of their connection, she hadn’t even ever attempted to shield her emotions from him. From the moment they touched hands through the glass of his cage all those years ago he’d been able to feel her. Even when she’d been forced from his side and when he thought her to be dead the mark held echoes of her in it, a constant feeling of something more inside him. Back when he hadn’t known what it meant it had been the only thing to offer him some reprieve from the pain of her absence. And now, that too was gone. She’d stripped him of all traces of herself and left him with nothing but his own pain and worry.

It was selfish and cruel and it was everything he had been to her in the months that had passed. Even after their physical reunion at the lake he’d still treated her coldly. Abel was right on one count, Penelope had left because of him. A soft crack caused his head to lift and his eyes honed in on the mirror, more specifically the crack that had now marred the surface of it. Dream watched the crack spread from the mirror up the whole of the stained glass window and across to the others. Was all of this happening because Penelope had left? He wondered. Or was something else happening to The Dreaming? He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. She should have stayed, should have at least spoken to him or left something to tell him… tell him what? Everything he already knew?

“Loosh? You in here?” The pumpkin heads eyes widened at the sight of him before he turned on his heel and moved to leave. “Sorry boss, I was just looking for Lucienne. See ya.”

“Wait.” He said sternly. “Why were you looking for Lucienne?”

“Oh, well, we just had some minor seismic activity and a little, you know, damage I wanted to report.”

“Then why not report it to me?” He asked. Why do you not trust me?

“Uh, because you’re busy?” Mervyn offered. “While you were away, Lucienne started taking care of that stuff, so I figured why bother you when-”

That dark feeling, that loss of control curled around his lungs, nearly squeezing all the air from him as he said, “Mervyn, if The Dreaming has been damaged in any way I will be the one to address it.”

The floor shook and the cracks spread throughout the windows and up the stone walls. “Oh, for crying out loud. You want me to fix that for you? Or will it just keep happening?”

“It will not keep happening, because I will find the cause of the disturbance and I will eliminate it. Thank you, Mervyn.”

“Uh, you’re welcome.”

Morpheus watched him turn and before he could truly think about it he’d already spoken, “Did she come to you, before she left?”

The pumpkin head stopped, taking a deep, frustrated breath. “No. She didn’t.”

“Do you have any idea where she would have gone?”

“No, but hopefully it’s somewhere far from here.”

He clenched his jaw at the words of his handyman. The floor shook again, cracking the palace further. Mervyn didn’t speak as he began patching the large ones, the ones that likely would be fatal to the room if another wave shook it. “You forget yourself.”

Mervyn chuckled. “Maybe, but I wouldn't doom that sweet kid to this crumbling wreck.”

Mervyn worked quickly, but it seemed a new one would appear each time another was mended. "Any theories as to why this is happening?"

"I got one." He said, far more angry than the pumpkin man usually was. "Our lady is gone, and she's taken the heart of The Dreaming with her."

Dream breathed out a hot, jealous breath. “She does not hold that much power over my domain.”

“You really haven’t been looking around then.” He turned and bowed his head slightly. “If that’s all you require, I’ll be on my way. There’s plenty of cracks to fix around here.”

As Mervyn left Matthew flew into the room and settled on top of the desk, looking at the cracks inquisitively. Normally he’d have immediately asked the no doubt string of questions he had, but instead he just stood quietly. Dream watched him for a moment before asking, “Anything to report?”

“Just the usual. Rose is on her way to answer a call about her brother and Lyta is still pregnant.”

“That’s what I was afraid of.” Silence filled the room, stiff and unusual for the present company. "Are you ignoring me?" Dream demanded, glaring down at the bird.

"Of course not, if you have a task for me I'll do it." Matthew said calmly. "If not I'll be on my way."

"That is most unlike you."

The bird ruffled his feathers. "Guess I'm just not in the chatty mood while half the Dreaming is frozen and the palace is crumbling around us because you drove Penny out."

He sighed. "She left. I had nothing to do with it."

"If you really think that then I'm glad she left." Matthew hopped down from the books he’d perched on. "Better her gone than be treated like shit."

As the bird shook his wings, stretching them wide, a lingering presence of Penelope rolled off of him. “Matthew. Have you seen her?”

The bird tucked his wings back in. “Nope.”

“Matthew,” he warned. “If you know where she is and you do not tell me I-”

“You’ll banish me to some darkness like you did Gault?” He asked, staring at him. “I’m not going to betray the trust of my friend and lady. So if you’re gonna banish me then do it.”

Dream recognized the determined glint in his raven's eye and sighed. “Return to the Waking World. Report back anything out of the ordinary.”

He bowed. “As you command, my lord.”

No sarcastic quips, no nicknames, just like everyone else Matthew had begun to treat him with a cold formality that he found he did not like. It lacked the respect of such a title and was laced with an angry undertone that sent his mind into a spiral of negative emotions and hurt. They hadn’t been so callous toward him even when Penelope had been here. His brows furrowed at the realization. Though they’d loved her deeply, they’d not changed their view of him until after he’d punished Gault and Penelope had left. It was obvious they blamed him for her absence, and maybe they were right to.

You will do it alone. Though she had left without explicitly telling him she was going to, those words she’d spoken, her cutting herself off from him all of it should have been all the evidence he needed. She left because he had ignored her opinion and blatantly brushed off all conversation on the matter. All I've asked is that you hear me... That you treat me as the equal you claim I am… Since long before she had taken up the duties of his lady he had assured her, promised her that they were equals. He’d promised her a crown and a place ruling beside him and then when the moment had come to prove it he pulled the promises from her grasp and then blamed her for her frustration.

He rubbed a hand down his face. They were right to say he’d driven her away. While he’d not told her to leave, he’d offered her little choice. Another wave of tremors shook the foundations of his palace. Dream forced the thoughts of her away for a moment, focusing back on the trouble at hand. He needed more information, something he could only find in one place. With a sigh he gathered up the books he’d borrowed and began walking toward the library. This was not going to be easy, especially after his treatment of his librarian. 

“Lucienne?” He called out as he walked towards her desk.

She stood off to the side, reshelving books. “My lord.”

“I have come to return these.” He handed her the books, their eyes meeting in an awkward stare. “And to assess the extent of the damage from the recent disturbances.” She said nothing, merely regarding him with a mildly curious, mostly frustrated gaze as she continued cleaning the space. He bent down and picked up a stack of fallen books. “Have you any idea as to what caused them?”

“I assumed it was you, sir.” she said blandly.

“Me?”

“Making further improvements to the realm… now that you’re back.” She replied, brushing past him to the other shelves.

Dream sighed quietly. Why must this be so difficult? “Lucienne, when we last spoke, I did not mean to imply that your efforts beyond the library are without value.”

“Oh?” She questioned with a tinge of that frustration he knew she bore him in her voice.

“I merely wish to relieve you of responsibilities with which, had I been here, you would never have been burdened.”

“I see,” she said unimpressed. 

“And in that time, did you experience any… similar seismic disturbances?” he inquired offhandedly looking at the book he still awkwardly held, only peeking up at her.

Her body deflated more. “I did not.”

“Have you any… theory as to their origin?” He pressed cautiously.

At last Lucienne sighed heavily and set down the stack of books she held, turning to him. “Speaking strictly as a librarian? I do. But won’t like it.”

“Go on.”

“I know you’re waiting to see if the vortex will lead you to The Corinthian and Fiddler’s Green. The way she led you to Gualt.”

“She may yet still.”

She scoffed. “Yes, but while you’re waiting, she’s putting cracks in the foundation.”

“Rose Walker has visited this realm before and done no damage,” he replied, an attempt to comfort her. “This is something else, something new.”

“Perhaps, but if there is something new in The Dreaming and you did not create it how did it get here?” She asked. “This is the vortex. I assure you. And seeing as The Dreaming is already weakened by the absence of our lady, I would wager there’s little time to find this something new.”

He watched her return to her work. "Did she... Did she say anything to you before she… Before she left?"

Lucienne glanced up from her book for a brief moment. "No, my lord, she did not."

He knew the word of his librarian was true, she'd never lied to him before and as angry as she was she wouldn't stop now. "Do you know if she visited anyone?"

"Only Cain and Abel, as you already know."

God this was horrible. "Lucienne, I need to find her."

With a sigh she turned from her book and looked at him. "I'm afraid I cannot help you, my lord. If there is a book you're in need of finding, or anything else fitting of my station then I would be more than capable of helping you."

He opened his mouth to speak again, but Lucienne simply moved past him and walked books in hand down the row of shelves. Dream waited for a moment longer before turning and walking away from the library. He walked through the town, the eyes of his subjects burning into him as he moved. His nightmares reacted to him as though he were an enemy, furling with smoke and flashing their teeth and claws. Whispers echoed around him. "Where is she?"

"Has our lady returned? Will she ever?"

"Why has she gone?"

"Is she safe?"

All of their whispered questions he ignored until one made him stop in his tracks. "It's your fault."

Dream turned his head, examining the faces of his creations for the first time in a long time. They all looked so sad, so scared… Scared of him. They moved around him as if he'd burn them should they come too close. Had they always felt this way? The words Penelope had spoken to him so long ago on their balcony echoed in his mind. "They miss the magnificent Dream Lord that would walk among them and make new and beautiful things. All of them speak of you as though a part of you was lost, the part that enjoyed this job and all that came with it."

I do enjoy this job. He'd told her that, and yet he could not recall the last time he'd made something because he wanted to. For eons Dream did his duty, he made dreams and nightmares and he up kept the rules, but after so long had he grown weary of creating? Had she been right to suggest that a part of him was lost? He kept moving until he stood at the base of the statue in Cain and Abel's frozen garden. Looking up at it he sighed. For once he wished the Frenchman were alive, then he'd at least know wherever Penelope had gone she'd be safe with him at her side.

***

Morpheus had followed Rose Walker through her dreams and watched as she and her pregnant friend walked towards the home that should not have been there. He watched the cracks in the ground grow and felt the slight tremors beneath his feet.

"So, what do you think?" Matthew asked with a caw.

"Tell Lucienne she was right about the source of the tremors." He ordered. "And that I'm taking care of it."

As he moved, entering the home with ease he breathed out the unpleasant feeling in him. Fixing this would not be easy, taking away such a powerful dream, such a painful one, never was. But it was his duty, his responsibility, and furthermore his realm and his people depended on it. He stood off to the side, the spirit of Lyta's dead husband sitting tensely on the couch as the two women entered. “Hector, look who's here!”

“Lyta, you remember I told you about Lord Morpheus, the King of Dreams?” Rose said, looking at him skeptically. She was going to make this more difficult.

“What do you want?”

“He wants us to leave,” the spirit answered.

Rose took a protective step in front of her friend, the action reminding him of Penelope. “Why?”

“Because a ghost cannot escape his fate by hiding in The Dreaming. Nor can a living human being escape her grief here. Do you not see the damage your presence has done to this realm?” He asked looking up at the cracks that lined the ceiling. “I cannot allow you to stay.”

“Is there anything we can do?”

“You belong with the dead. You must go to the place appointed for you.” He stated simply. “I’m sorry, but you must say your goodbyes now.”

“No,” Lyta whispered hoarsely. “I’m not losing you again.”

He watched the two embrace one another with a heavy heart. “I love you so much.”

The memory of Penelope’s soft smile and faint sensation of her warm naked body pressed against his filled him. “I love you.” He clenched his hands at his sides at the pain that the words caused him now.

“You’re not going anywhere.” She pressed a kiss to her husband's lips before looking up at him with tears and anger. “Get out of our house.”

Rose moved toward them, “Lyta.”

“Enough.” He waved his hand, banishing the spirit from his world.

“Tell the baby…”

“No. Please!”

Rose turned to him. “Stop.”

“Stop!” The painful echoes of her voice, desperate and pleading as he dragged her from her friend nearly made him halt his actions.

“Hector?”

“Dream, please, stop!

“Dream stop!” His heart ached, but he continued nonetheless.

“No! Hector! No…” Though he could see the woman weep, it was not her cries he heard. Penelope’s pains sobs and screams and begging was all around him. Filling his head with the noise and the fleeting feeling of her raw pain.

Dream forced himself to remain closed off. Forced the swell of emotions down into the pit of his stomach and spoke, “Your husband died a long time ago. He was a ghost and this is a dream. The baby is yours… for now.” One day the child would grow and it would do so with power. One day he would have to take it, teach it how to control whatever gifts the circumstances of its birth gave it. 

“What do you mean?” She asked, hands clutching her stomach.

“The child was conceived in The Dreaming,” he said softly. Dream could have explained the situation, could have offered them some kind of answer, but he was tired. His thoughts and body still swirled with pain and the loss of the one person that could have been here… could have offered the kindness this woman wanted and deserved. “It is mine.”

Rose’s face twisted with shock and building anger. “What?”

“And one day I will come for it.”

“No you won’t,” Rose demanded. “You’ll do nothing-”

“This dream is over.” With a wave of his hand he was back in his throne room, looking up at the throne and the cracked glass. "If this is how you would choose to rule then you shall do it alone.”

“You killed my friend.” Rose’s voice startled him out of the dazed memory.

He turned, shocked. “How did you get here?”

“In front of his wife, and then you threaten to take her baby?”

“Do you know why this happened? A vortex gathering strength can weaken the walls between dreams.”

“I didn’t ask for any of this.”

“Even so!” he shouted, anger rising in him.

She looked around the throne room. “Where’s the queen… Goddess… lady, whatever she is? She’d agree with me.”

He clenched his jaw. “She is not the ruler of this domain, I am.”

Rose’s eyes narrowed as she looked at him. “She left, didn’t she?”

“She is not your concern.”

“Yeah, well she becomes my concern when her absence is clearly causing you to lash out and be an asshole.” Rose argued. “Would you have treated her like you did Lyta?”

He wanted to say no, the word was right there on the tip of his tongue but it would have been a lie. In the past months his treatment of Penelope had been just as callous as his treatment of the human woman. He had offered her little or no explanation for his actions and simply expected her to bend to his command. He had expected her to settle into a place beneath him simply so he would not have to confront his own pained past. Dream would have doomed her to be lesser than him to satisfy his pride. “Rose…”

“No! I don’t want you coming near me or my friends ever again.”

“Rose, listen to me.”

“I do listen to you,” she said. “You said that a vortex can create universes or destroy them. So I suggest you leave my universe the fuck alone.”

“Rose-”

“This dream is over.”

His audible gasp echoed through the room as she vanished from his sight. This vortex was different, he could feel it, could feel there was something he was missing. He could consult Destiny on the matter, but it was unlikely his brother would share anything useful. Dream walked the palace halls, glad to see that Mervyn’s patches were finally beginning to mend and that the cracks were no longer spreading. The slight relief he felt was short lived as he walked out onto the bridge to find the sky still clouded with clouds and snow. Through the haze of falling white he could make out the quick shapes of butterflies hurrying down the familiar path toward the lake. 

Had she returned? He followed quickly behind them, his heart falling even further into the doubt and sorrow he held as his eyes scanned the area only to find nothing. The lake had completely frozen over, the distant memories of her in it looking at him from over her shoulder, the feel of her skin beneath his hands, the gleam of trust and adoration in her eyes as she looked down at him. The butterflies swirled in the air, flying up into the only clear portion of the sky and vanishing from sight. It made sense that they would leave, their creator, their lady was gone from here and at present it seemed did not intend to return. This is my fault. He closed his eyes and turned away from the lake, moving back to his throne room to sit on the bottom steps.

If he closed his eyes long enough he could feel her leaning against him as she wove her threads. Phantom warmth filled the space around him as tears rolled down his cheeks. If he had only listened to her… had put aside his pride and jealousy and the need for control then she would still be sitting beside him. She would have been able to help keep The Dreaming intact long enough for him to handle the situation with Rose and Lyta more delicately. Everything would be better, as it always was, when she was here. When he opened his eyes a speck of green began to float across the room towards him. A butterfly? The last in The Dreaming.

The butterfly perched on his knuckles, beating its green wings softly against his skin. Dream watched the creature with watering eyes, curiosity filling him. "Why have you not also abandoned this world with all the others?"

Its wings fluttered quickly as it took flight once again, drifting slowly through the throne room.

"Dream." 

The soft whisper of his name filled him with relief. Penelope, it was her calling out to him, he was certain. He would know her voice in a crowded room, would know it in pure chaos and by the vibration alone. Dream's feet carried him through The Dreaming, the green butterfly guiding him as he chased the sound of her. When he reached the edge of the pier darkness and silence surrounded him. The butterfly landed on the edge of the wood, waiting.

"Morpheus, please." 

The depths, now mostly frozen over with ice beckoned him again softer than before, fleeting. He leaned over the edge, pressing his hand onto the frozen surface and willing it to melt beneath his palm. There in the reflection of the water he saw a flash of her bathed in dull light and clouds of smoke. "Penelope," he whispered as the water pulled him in.

The current was strong and angry, even if he'd wanted to fight against its pull Dream could not. He was dragged down deeper and deeper into the darkness of the water until red lights and noise echoed around him. Smoke clouded his vision and the constant clattering of cups clashing together filled his ears. A bar? As he moved through the mirage of the space his whole body halted, tensing at the sight before him.

In the far corner of the room Desire leaned against the wall. Through the mirror he saw they'd changed their form to replicate him. Their hands were on Penelope's hips, drifting up the length of her spine, twisting in her hair and pulling her head back. Pure rage filled him as he watched his sibling suck a dark angry red mark into the junction of her neck. Pure unrestrained jealousy joined it at the sound of her soft moans. Desire looked up, their eyes locking, and with a wide cheshire grin they winked at him before returning their lips to his beloved, his soul bound, his Queen.

Fists clenched and body seething with power he was back on the edge of the pier. The butterfly flew around him for a moment before perching on his shoulder. Dream waved his hands and the ice broke apart, water rising to reveal the steps below. He walked with shadows in his strides, the image of Desire's smile, their golden wink, burned into his mind as he walked towards the bar door. The red lights and the noise of the bar were drowned out as he saw Desire across the room, leaning back and waiting.

"Big brother, what a lovely surprise."

His voice was nothing more than a raging shadow as he took a step towards them, “What have you done?”

Desire smiled wider. “I’ve merely helped the poor little flower loosen up, dear Dream. She was quite difficult to seduce, it took all the focus and power I could muster to finally break through that ironclad mind of hers. Once I did, well, it was a lot easier to convince her that a few drinks and a few other… activities wouldn’t be so terrible to indulge in.”

“You manipulated her. You abused what little trust she put in you and you would dare to impersonate me?”

“Impersonate you?” Desire shrugged. “I merely took the shape she wanted me to.”

“Where. Is. She.”

They looked around, golden eyes wide in fake surprise. “Is she not here?”

Dream moved quickly, grabbing them by the throat and slamming them back into the mirror on the wall, shattering it instantly. “ENOUGH! Where is my queen?!”

“Queen?” they asked. “Don’t go making promises you can’t keep, dear brother.”

His hand squeezed tighter, “Where?”

“Gone,” their smile didn’t wane, even as he squeezed their throat hard enough to make them choke a little. Their eyes dulled with a tiny speck of fear. That small shred of emotion kept him from going too far, from breaking their neck entirely. “She was in quite a hurry, probably trying to get a head start to flee your ire, big brother.”

She was afraid of him? His behavior toward her had not been ideal, he recognized that now, but he’d done nothing to her that would have made her afraid of him. Morpheus let Desire go and turned away from them quickly, eyes locking onto the glowing exit sign across the room. He turned his head slightly back towards them, sending them a cold glare. “If you ever touch her again it will be the last thing you do, family or not.”

"Cute isn't it?" They purred, retaking their lounging seat. "Even high as a kite on god knows what… Even after everything you did, her greatest desire was still you." Dream clenched his fists, not bothering to turn back to them as he walked forward. "Or… Perhaps it's sad, all things considered."

He kept moving toward the exit, shoving people out of his way and slamming the door open so hard it nearly tore off the hinges. Frantic eyes looked around the empty alley and parking lot. "PENELOPE!"

There was no answer to his call, nothing but the faintest echoes of her presence lingering in the cold. The green butterfly flew from his shoulder and into the night sky. He had to find her. If his sibling had influenced her enough that she’d been lost to the haze of drugs and alcohol she would be in danger. She’d never spoken on it fully, but he knew the dark and complicated history she had with the substances after all her years relying on them at the asylum. 

Dream moved, following the faint feeling of her energy, with haste all the while scolding himself for ever allowing this to be possible. If he had just listened… If he had just treated her the way she deserved, the way he longed to, then this night would be different. She would be safe at home, curled in his sheets and in his arms. He had to find her.

***

The trail of energy had gone cold, leaving Dream in the middle of the city, blindly moving between bars and nightclubs looking for any sign of her. He stood in Hob Gadling's living room just as the man had gotten home, likely from the inn. Once he walked into the sight of Dream in his dark living room he let out a startled shout and held a hand on his chest. “God damn you. If I wasn’t immortal you could’ve killed me.”

“Have you seen Penelope?”

Hob made a face, containing his emotions as if he’d just remembered something. “I did. A few nights ago she came and stayed with me.”

Dream took a half step forward. “Is she coming back? Do you know where she is?”

“I don’t know where she is,” he admitted leaning against the doorframe. “We ran by some office space or something and then she left. I haven’t heard from her since.”

He took in his friends frown and the way he crossed his arms and sighed. “Are you angry with me, Hob?” Like everyone else in this universe?

The man nodded. “A bit. When a girl like that comes knocking on my door in the dead of night, crying out in the cold rain, I’m going to be a bit cross.”

“Did she tell you what happened?” He asked softly.

“No. But it was pretty obvious it had something to do with you.” Hob tapped his foot. “So, if you came here hoping I’d snitch and tell you where to find her you’re out of luck.”

“I need to find her,” Dream said, the urge to pull his hair out growing by the second as he paced in Hobs apartment. The action seemed to speak the words he could not.

Hob shoved away from the wall and stopped his movements. “Is she in trouble?”

He nodded. “One of my siblings has… That doesn’t matter, what’s important is she’s wandering the city, drunk and possibly drugged. I need to find her before anything happens.”

Without another word Hob Gadling grabbed his coat and gestured toward the door. “I know a few spots we can check, or we can split up. We’d cover more ground that way.”

“Thank you, Hob,” he said as the two walked out into the dark.

For a while they stayed together, moving through the city and checking places Hob suggested, but when an hour of nothing had passed they split up. Dream was wandering the crowded streets when he felt a low hum of her presence fill the air. He followed the trail to a rooftop and then down the street and finally into another bar. There were a few people here, mostly older and nearly passed out drunk. He approached the bar where the half empty drink sat swirling with the energy of his lady.

He sighed, setting his hands on the bar. Through the mirror behind the bar he saw the drunkard beside him sat up straighter, no grow taller? "You just missed her by… Twenty minutes! That's pretty close."

Dream froze. He knew that voice. No. Surely it was some trick or perhaps he'd gotten drunk somehow. There was no way his brother was sitting beside him, not after nearly two centuries of being missing and untraceable. He looked up into the mirror to see his brother's reflection. At last he turned his head and sure enough Destruction sat beside him, ordering a drink before sending him a smile. 

This wasn't possible. He had been missing, he had disappeared with little warning and no contact since their last family dinner. This was an illusion. One of Desires games no doubt. The image of his brother took a sip of the brightly colored drink and hummed in approval before setting the glass down on the counter and slapping the back of his head. The hit sent his head forward, nearly slamming him into the bar. Pain rattled through his skull as he groaned. No, this was his brother. No human or illusion would have such strength.

"Oh," he said with a nervous chuckle and a polite rub to his shoulder. "Sorry bout that, brother."

"Destruction?" He asked softly, head still spinning as his brother guided him to sit in the stool beside him.

The hearty laughter of his brother was something that brought him both joy and unearthed unhealed pain. "What's up brother? Breaking hearts just like before? Always the old romantic, eh?"

Dream watched his brother with wide and teary eyes. "Destruction?"

"It's me, Morpheus. In the flesh, or, well, not really but close enough."

"Why?" He breathed out. "Why now after all these years?"

His brother's rich eyes grew sad. "Because you needed me. Both of you did." He looked around the bar and smiled fondly. "She always knew how to pick the best drinking spots."

"Penelope, you said she was here."

"She was."

"Where did she go? Is she alright?"

"Breathe brother, she's safe. Death will be taking care of it by now."

"Death?" All breath left his lungs and he nearly collapsed out of his chair. 

Destruction cleared his throat. "Oh no! Not like that! She's alive. Deaths just… Enlisting the help of a friend to get her to call it quits on the bender."

Dream breathed again, closing hospital eyes and gripping the bar tight. "Why are you here then and not with her?"

"It's not likely she'll to want to see me," he said with a sad sigh. "Penelope is good at holding a grudge. And after what I did, I can't blame her. But anger isn't what she needs right now. Besides, I wanted to see you."

"Why did you leave?" He asked after a long moment of silence.

Destruction gestured around them. "I wanted to be more than my function. More than the pain and violence and hideousness that humanity wrought through me. I wanted to simply be. After wandering around for a while I heard a rumor about your capture and about some mortal soul bound to you. So I came here and found Penelope." He laughed. "I was determined to keep her safe for you, but in reality she kept me safe. She made me realize that I wanted nothing to do with the destruction in this world. She made me want to be Olethros, the friend she thought I was."

"You cannot just abandon your function the world-"

"The world has done just fine without me at the helm. The humans continue to create things to destroy, hell they continue to destroy things on their own. My function continues, but this way I do not have to shoulder the burden of their actions and creations." Destruction sighed. "I didn't come here to fight with you, brother. I came to offer you advice on your current situation with a certain woman."

Dream sighed, he had so many questions for his brother, but Penelope mattered more. "I am listening, brother."

He smiled. "Stop getting in your own way. Penelope doesn't want to control you or replace you, she just wants you. In the time I spent with her I'd never felt more seen. It's like that girl has her own personal window into your soul and it's scary, but… She never once tried to use me or press me for more information than I was willing to give. She's good, better than anyone I've met."

"Is that why you gave her pieces of your power?"

"The daggers? She still has those?" He watched his brother both smile and grow saddened. "I wanted to leave her with something, a piece no matter how small, of myself to wield in her defense… And in yours."

"Mine?"

"Maybe it's silly, but I hoped that through them I could, by extension, keep you safe. An apology for leaving and for not coming to free you."

Morpheus felt the old pain of his brother's loss lessen a bit. Though he didn't understand his reasons for leaving he could respect that he was here now, offering him the kindness that he'd been lacking the past few months. More so, he could respect the fact that he protected his lady in the years he could not and had wished to help him even in some small way. He set a hand on his brother's shoulder. "I've missed you."

"And I you." He took another drink and nodded toward the door. "You gonna go after her?"

"Of course. She's my lady," Dream answered.

Destruction nodded. "Good. Just remember, even if you don't find her tonight. She'll come back. She always does."

He stood, moving toward the door before turning back to his brother, only to find a drunkard in his place. Dream smiled a little and paid for the man's drinks before returning to follow Penelope's trail. He walked across the bridge, looking at the bench that was swirling with her and then continued until the street grew familiar. Looking up to the apartment with the lights on he sighed, both relieved and worried. Constantine.

The apartment was even more of a disaster than he remembered, but there on the couch Johanna Constantine sat with her arms crossed and her eyes trained on him. "You want to explain why I got a call tonight from a very upset and very drunk immortal?"

"Is she here?"

The Constantine rolled her eyes but nodded. "No thanks to you."

Relief filled him. "May I?"

"No." She answered. "You're the cause of this mess."

"Which is why I wish to rectify it."

"You have two minutes, sandman." She said seething with rage. "Then your ass is gone."

She led him to the door and then both of them stood staring at the empty bed. The room was empty, the only trace of her was the unkept sheets and old clothes on the floor. He sighed. "I suppose I should have expected this."

Constantine picked her clothes up from the floor. "I just hope she's safe. She was not in a good spot when I found her."

"Did she say anything to you about where else she might've gone?"

"No." She sent him a glare. "You better fix it, whatever it is you did. Or I swear I'll find a way to kill you. Pen doesn't deserve any more bullshit."

"On that we agree," he said softly. "Goodbye, Constantine."

"Yeah yeah just get out."

Dream returned to Hob Gadling and called off the search. Penelope was not in the Waking World, if she were he'd be able to trace her steps. But her old room had been the final place she visited. Though it pained him to know he'd not found her, he found himself hoping she had gone home.

***

Back in The Dreaming he was disappointed to find the bed empty and sought out Lucienne. Perhaps she did return and was with the librarian, and if not… Well he still owed his most loyal friend an apology. He stood in the library, beside Lucienne’s empty desk. “Lucienne?”

“My lord. There’s something I must tell you.” She came around the corner quickly. 

“And I will listen. But, first, you must let me tell you that…  you were right.” He said softly, noticing immediately how her eyes looked up at him with light and hope renewed inside them. “First, you were right to be angry with me over Penelope’s absence from The Dreaming, it was my fault. I did not act as I should have toward her. And then… The vortex was responsible for the damage to our realm, and I was… wrong to risk our safety in the hope that she would locate the missing Arcana.”

“You were not entirely wrong, sir. She’s found them both.”

“What? The Corinthian and Fiddler’s Green? Where? How do you know?”

“Fiddler’s Green told me.” She looked over to the shelves she’d emerged from moments ago and there, Fiddler’s Green appeared in the form of a human with a gray cloak and mustache.

He bowed. “Apologies, lord, for having left.”

“Why?” He asked, voice nearly cracking with the pain he felt. “Why did you leave? I trusted you. You were the heart of The Dreaming.”

“No, sir. You were the heart of The Dreaming. And you were gone. I was curious. And it turns out that life as a human contains substance I never even imagined when I was here.” He sounded so hopeful, so vibrant, even more than he had all those years ago. “Which is why I’ve returned because… he’s murdering them.”

“The Corinthian?” It wasn’t shocking to learn of his nightmares recklessness.

Fiddler’s Green nodded, face twisting in disgust. “He appears to have built up a cult of worshipers who kill for pleasure endangering the Waking World and the life of a friend called Rose Walker.”

“The Corinthian has found Rose Walker?”

“Yes.”

Lucienne shook her head. “Can you imagine the damage he could do with someone like Rose?”

“You must tell me where they are.”

“Of course, my lord! They’re at a place called The Royal Empire Hotel.”

Dream looked back to Lucienne and sighed. “If she returns, tell her to wait for me. Please?”

His librarian nodded with a smile. “I will, my lord.”

Dream wasted no time, teleporting to the hotel, to The Corinthian. He stood in the center of the room, full chairs on either side of him with the people… the monsters his nightmare had created. The Corinthian stood at the podium in the middle of a speech. “We are gladiators, conquerors. We are explorers, truth seekers. We are swashbucklers. We are hunters. Soldiers of fortune.” The Corinthian turned his head, meeting Dreams' cold gaze. “And kings of the night.”

“You disappoint me, Corinthian. You and these humans you’ve inspired and created… disappoint me.”

“I’ve done my best to be what you made me.” He answered stiffly.

“No, you’ve done your worst, which was in so many ways what I had hoped. You were my masterpiece. A dark mirror made to reflect everything humanity will not confront.”

He shook his head as he turned to face him. “That’s what I am. That’s what I’ve done.”

“No. Look at you, walking the Earth for over a century infecting others with your joy of death, but what have you given them? What have you wrought? Nothing. Just something else for people to be afraid of. That is all.”

“So what now?” He demanded. “You drag me back to The Dreaming and send me back into their dreams?” A cold, twisted laugh echoed in the room as he shook his head. “I won’t go. And unlike you, I brought friends.”

Dream could feel the presence of something, dark and old and angry in the building, but he couldn’t place where it was or what it wanted from his nightmare. “It matters not who stands with you. The outcome will be the same.”

The Corinthian laughed. “You haven’t changed, Dream. For a minute she almost had me convinced, your lady.”

He had met her? Dream felt a pang of fear pulse through him at the thought of Penelope in the nightmares' hands. “Where is she?”

“I have no clue,” he said with a smile. “But she seemed like quite the woman. She seemed like she would have been twice the ruler you are, and if you don’t know where she is I can only assume it’s because you drove her out like you do everything else. And now, here you are…” he gestured around them. “Here you are, alone, just as you've always been… As you always will be."

"He's not alone." Dream’s entire body flooded with her. The smell of lilac and peony and rain, the tingle of delight he felt at hearing her voice, the absolute relief and regret that filled him as she slid in front of him.

“Penelope.”

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[pridepages]

Mythtaken

I just finished Lies We Sing to the Sea by Sarah Underwood. I have thoughts...

Here there be spoilers!

In the words of an internet philosopher: were you obsessed with greek mythology as a kid or were you straight?

Like many a young sapphic, I've had a passion for the figures of myth: Artemis, Athena, Aphrodite, Penelope, Ariadne, Circe...So when I heard there was a new novel out there putting the women of The Odyssey front and center, I knew I had to read it!

I found myself pretty much alone in my excitement.

I missed the tempest around this book when it hit shelves back in early 2023, but here's the drift:

Lies We Sing to the Sea was marketed as a sapphic reimagining of The Odyssey. However, author Sarah Underwood went on record with a student publication saying she'd never actually read The Odyssey.

This caused about as much hand-wringing and circle-jerking as you might imagine.

Well, as someone who has read The Odyssey (twice), I can tell you with authority:

Fuck Homer.

Sarah Underwood did not actually need to read 'the original' to write a novel that addresses some of the poem's most glaring weaknesses.

Here are a few reasons why:

Lies is not a reimagining of The Odyssey.

That was a poor choice of words made by some marketing person who probably didn't even read the manuscript. Lies is, at best, a very distant sequel to the poem.

Set hundreds of years after the reign of the mighty Odysseus, Lies imagines an Ithaca that is still laboring under Poseidon's curse. The mechanism for this curse hinges on one of The Odyssey's most horrific and least-mentioned moments.

It is canonical that when Odysseus returns to 'clean house' of the evil suitors who have been pillaging his home and harassing his wife, he makes a point of executing any of the maidservants of the house who were 'unchaste' with them.

Let that sink in for a minute.

We're talking about women--girls, really, let's be honest here--who have no social standing or currency. They are there to serve. Their mistress, the highest ranking woman in the house, has done nothing to get these men to leave. Apparently, she can't. So if these men can take and take from her...

...how exactly could any mere servant say 'no'?

Admittedly, I'm imagining a worst-case scenario here. So let's imagine a slightly better one. Let's imagine that these girls went willingly...

...So what?

Odysseus sluts it up and down the mythological Mediterranean for ten years and four hundred pages. He has affairs that last for literal years with some of these women. But, apparently, somehow it's okay when he does it. When his serving girls do it--for subsistence or pleasure--they are dishonoring the king. The underlying logic being: because he owns them and they are an extension of his honor and manliness.

Fucked up, right?

For the crime of having their bodies 'used' by other men, Odysseus literally has Telemachus hang them.

Double fucked up.

So what does this have to do with Lies? Underwood imagines that Poseidon is furious that the 'great hero' Odysseus does this. (He was pissed off at Odysseus before for other reasons, but it's perfectly in character for a greek god to get petty and find reasons to stay mad.) So Underwood's Ithaca labors under a curse: every year, Poseidon threatens the island with ravaging storms unless they repeat the cycle and sacrifice twelve chosen girls. There is but one way to break this terrible cycle of shedding innocent blood: the sons of Odysseus must make a willing sacrifice.

Lies picks up in the voices of three narrators: two girls who were executed--bodies dumped in the sea--and resurrected by Poseidon to break the curse, and the last prince of Ithaca.

All of this to say: Underwood doesn't need to have read The Odyssey to tell this story.

All she had to hear was this horrifying footnote in this epic poem about this vainglorious bastard and think 'That's fucked up. What if I wrote the revenge story?'

And she did.

2. The Odyssey--and Greek Mythology--is inherently sexist.

Like I said, I loved greek mythology growing up. But the older I got, and the more I read, the more I realized that women don't really have a place. Their sexuality is policed. Their power is suspect. To be 'good' meant subjecting yourself to becoming some man's property to win or lose as he chose. To seek any kind of autonomy or freedom meant being 'deviant.' And even if you did manage to scrape out some kind of independence, it meant you had to remember your place. (Even Athena was subject to Zeus.)

So for all the people wailing about how Underwood was disrespecting the source material by refusing to read it...

So what? The source material disrespected us first.

The ancient stories are all about men and their great deeds. Women are, at best, footnotes. Underwood did not need to read over four hundred pages to get that message. And she didn't need Homer to tell a story that gave voice to characters who never had a voice in the first place.

It's like people have never heard of fanfic!

Fanfic was in part born out of a need for marginalized people to give themselves a space in existing stories. That's effectively what Underwood did. She didn't choose to write about a goddess or a witch or a queen...

She wrote about the nobodies.

She wrote about servant girls who, at best, were accorded a handful of lines and no names in the original text.

She thought they deserved a say.

So who gives a fuck what Homer had to say about them? He never gave a fuck about what they had to say!

Which brings me to my last troubling thought...

3. This whole thing highlights the miserable gendered double-standard that still exists in fan spaces.

Sorry, purists. But do you know what you sound like? Every time you criticize Sarah Underwood for not being a 'real' Homeric fan, you sound like those gatekeeping dudebros who insist women prove their credentials before even allowing them a seat at the table.

So she didn't read The Odyssey. Who cares? It's not that great a book anyway!

But you know what's a really good book? Lies We Sing to the Sea.

It's haunting and poetic. It speaks of sacrifice and longing. It's tragedy and star-crossed love at its finest.

It has unapologetically queer girls taking their lives into their own hands.

It demands that men be accountable for the suffering they cause women.

It cries out for justice for people who never wanted to be fighters and martyrs but just wanted to live, gods dammit! But the world didn't let them, so now they have to pick up the fight so that future generations won't have to bear the pain.

It's a gorgeous novel.

And the thing that gets me the most is that people sank it using this 'purist' argument...but I'm not sure they would have if it had been written by a man.

Out of the depths of my mind every time I read another wanky thinkpiece on this incident rises the suspicion: people might have thought this author was bold and brash, or at least excused, if she were a man.

They would have shrugged their shoulders at bad marketing.

They would have hailed him a hero for pointing out Homeric shortcomings.

The purist arguments would have washed away.

Instead...

Well.

I'm not saying you have to agree with my take on the text or love this book. But I would suggest that if the thing that stayed your hand was a bad faith criticism that the author didn't do her homework...

Maybe you have to consider what lies have been sung to you.