#he knows them off by heart because he's been to see bucky so often :')

[chaossmagic]

the way steve had the coordinates for wakanda memorized makes my heart do a fuzzy warm swoopy thing

[buckyalpine]

Imagine the fluff of Bucky retiring from the avengers because he met you, the sweetest thing on the planet, the woman he's down on one knee for ready to marry in a heart beat. He's built a house from the ground up, a quite place for your little growing family because not long after the wedding, he has a baby boy on the way. It’s all perfect.

The absolute angst of him losing you when complications arise during the delivery and the doctors and nurses chase him out, not giving him a chance to hold you and comfort you. The last thing he sees is your labored breaths and dropping pulse.

He hears the cries of his son moments later but his happiness is short lived when the med bay is forced into an emergency evacuation because of an attack on the compound. He sees a blur of doctors rushing you to a different wing and in the midst of the chaos, his new born baby is placed into his arms. He pleads to be able to go with you but he's dragged out with no answers with the building crumbling and bursting into fire and flames behind him moments later.

He's inconsolable.

Completely distraught.

The memorial service held for you leaves Bucky in shambles, clinging onto the tiny bundle wrapped up in his arms, the only thing he has left to live for now. He doesn't want to go on without you, it's just him and his little boy in the world. He know he has to be strong for his son so he carries on as best as he can. His heart hurts when his baby boy asks for his mama.

He visits your grave often but he never truly feels peace.

There was never even a body for him to bury.

Bucky comes out of retirement when Tony calls him about a mission. He knows its serious because they wouldn't ask him to come for just anything. He doesn't want to fight again but he does it for his son; the world has to be safe for his baby.

"Daddy will be just fine" Bucky reassures his now 5 year old, pressing a kiss to his head, leaving him to stay with Sarah while he's away. When he's back at the compound, he's given a briefing on what they're up against. They leave the next morning.

-

"I've got them in the west wing, headed towards you Steve" Bucky may have been out of the field for a couple of years but his skills and training still run in his blood. He trails behind the target, gun in hand, catching a knife that's thrown his way before dodging another. He gets them cornered in an abandoned ware house, ready to end it all, justice be damned, he just wanted to get back home to his baby boy. He's about to pull the trigger but that's when he sees it.

The red skull with tentacles surrounding it.

He freezes.

He blocks a punch that comes his way, grabbing their wrist and holding them in place, shoving them against the wall. All he can see are their eyes.

Bucky knows those eyes.

No.

He rips the mask off and nearly sobs, his hands trembling as he continues to hold them with all his strength knowing it was hurting them but what choice did he have.

"Doll?"

Just a thought, okay love you, bye.

[queen-of-the-avengers]

Not Allowed

Pairing: Cop!Bucky Barnes x Receptionist!Reader

Word Count: ~2.1k

Warnings: bad date angst, jealous bucky

Summary: You and Bucky always flirt with each other while at work but it never goes anywhere like you'd hope. You accept a date with another man, causing Bucky to be jealous. He's a cop who is jealous. Nothing will go wrong, right?

Squares Filled: kink: pet names (2021) for @buckybarnesbingo

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

x

You walk through the double doors with a smile on your face because today is another day. You’re alive and that’s the best kind of day. You work for the local police department as their receptionist. You’re the first thing people see when they come in so you have to be on your best behavior.

You set your things down on your desk and quickly get settled in. Besides the Captain, you’re the first one in the building. Every officer that comes in, you greet them with a smile as you log into your computer.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Officer Wilson says when he comes in. He always calls you that since he's often told you how he thinks of you like a little sister. “How was your weekend?”

“Too short,” you chuckle. “Did Sarah get into that college?”

“Yeah, she got the acceptance letter yesterday.”

“Oh, I’m so happy for her!” you grin.

“Yeah, I’ll tell her to give you a call.”

Sam taps your desk twice and leaves to go to his own. A few more officers come in until the one you’ve been waiting for walks in confidently. Your heart starts to race because you have a huge crush on him. He kind of knows it but doesn't outright call you out on it.

“There she is,” Bucky smiles and leans on your desk.

“Officer Barnes, it’s good to see you.”

“Doll, you know you can call me Bucky.”

He knows exactly what those pet names do to you. After a night of drinking together, you let it slip that your kink is pet names, and doll happened to be your favorite. Like him, you won’t call him out on it.

“I know. How was your weekend?”

“Better if you were there with me,” he flirts.

“Oh, Bucky,” you chuckle nervously. “You don’t mean that.”

“Yeah, I do. I was wishing, ‘Man, don’t I wish Y/N was here with me? I guess I have to drink alone’.”

“You know what alcohol does to me.”

“Yeah, I do,” he smirks. “You look cute today. That dress compliments you.”

“A compliment. I might swoon,” you joke even though your cheeks are hot.

“As long as it’s in my arms, I don’t care.”

“Don’t you have a job to get to, Officer Barnes?”

“Yeah, but I’d rather stay here and talk to you.”

“You might get fired.”

“It’s worth it,” he winks. “Here’s your coffee.”

He sets your favorite coffee order next to your keyboard and walks away. That’s the extent of your relationship with Bucky. You two flirt constantly but nothing ever comes of it. It’s comfortable. Why leave something when you’re comfortable being there? Do you wish you were something more? Of course. Do you think he’s going to man up and take it to that next level? Not unless something threatening happened like him realizing if he doesn’t do it soon, he’d lose you.

Some of what your work includes is printing off documents for the other officers, inputting things into evidence before they get shipped off there, and sorting through the files regarding the people they have locked up in the holding cells or interrogation rooms. You already have a list of things to print out and file, but you look for Bucky’s name first.

After printing off what he needs, you get up and personally hand this to him. There is a mailbox for the officers that you’re supposed to put in, but you like visiting his desk. He has a picture of you and him printed out and placed next to his computer that you look at every time you visit.

“Here are the papers you asked for,” you smile.

“Thanks, doll,” he grins and grabs them from you, intentionally brushing his fingers against yours.

You go back to your desk to finish your work, and you come across two people who need stuff put into evidence. One of them sent it over a couple of hours ago, and the other one is from Bucky. You immediately click on his name to get what he needs first before looking at the other one.

“Now that is bullshit,” you hear from behind you.

You jump and turn to see Sam standing there with a half-smile on his face.

“What are you doing? You scared me!”

“I sent you evidence hours ago and Bucky sent you it just now, and he’s the one you pick first?”

“I--”

You don’t have any words for that.

“When are you two gonna fuck?”

“Sam Wilson!” you gasp.

“What? It’s a valid question. I should ask him that.”

“Don’t you dare!”

“I’m rooting for you two no matter how painful the slow burn is,” he chuckles and walks away.

It takes half an hour to get the idea of you and Bucky fucking for you to do your job right. Once you’re in the groove of things, the door opens and an attractive man walks in.

“Can I help you?” you ask with a smile.

“Yeah, I’m here for my brother. He’s in lock up.”

“Okay, what’s his name and date of birth?”

“James Farley. 04/05/1986.”

“Your name?”

“Brandon Farley.”

“Okay, I see your brother here. It looks like--”

“I’m sorry, but I have to tell you how beautiful you are.”

“Oh, thank you,” you blush.

“Are you seeing anyone?”

“No, but--”

“Great. Can I take you out?”

“You can see how this is inappropriate, right?”

“Yeah, but you like it,” he grins. “So, can I take you out?”

There’s a certain charm about him that you find endearing maybe because he reminds you of Bucky. Being put on the spot like that is enough to make you freeze up, so you say the one thing that won’t cause conflict.

“Yes.”

“Here’s my number.”

He grabs your hand and writes his number on it so that it won’t come off with one scrub.

“I have sticky notes!”

“This is better. Now you won’t lose it.”

“Go take a seat. Someone will be with you shortly to bring you to your brother.”

“Thanks,” he winks and walks to the waiting room.

You’re about to get up and wash off the number when you notice Bucky standing in the doorway that leads into the precinct.

“Did I hear that right?”

“What?”

“You have a date?”

“Yeah, he asked me out,” you stutter. Bucky looks pissed as if you just told him you killed someone. “Why do you look angry?”

“Nothing. No reason.”

Bucky walks off angrily leaving you confused. He avoids you like the plague for the rest of the day. He isn’t at his desk when you drop off paperwork, and he’s not there to walk you to your car when you get off. He’s supposed to get off an hour before you do, but he stays after not on the clock to make sure you get to your car safely.

This time, he didn’t.

The next day, Bucky is already at work when you arrive. There is no coffee on your desk, either, and you’re feeling guilty for accepting a date with someone else. Is that why he’s acting this way? Sam walks in drinking an energy drink when you stop him.

“Hey, what’s going on with Bucky?”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“No, what did I do?”

“You accepted a date from someone else.”

You knew it. Why is he bigging out?

“So?”

“Have you not been here for the past two years? You two flirt like crazy.”

“No, he’s just being friendly.”

“You won’t get it until you do,” Sam shakes his head and walks off.

The date with Brandon comes sooner than you hoped. He picks you up in a fancy car and takes you to a fancy restaurant that you could never afford. He smooth-talks the hostess to get him a table by the window so he can have a view while he eats. The waitress brings by a drinks menu but he already orders what you two are going to drink.

“Trust me, you’re going to love this,” he winks at you.

“Okay,” you say and fiddle with your fingers underneath the table. “You know what I do for work. What do you do for work?”

You shouldn’t have asked him that.

“I work in the telecommunications sector. You know that big building in the city? That’s mine. It’s funny. I got all my parents’ money when they died and instead of using that money for myself, I decided to invest in a small company that turned out to give me millions.” You open your mouth to speak but he continues talking. “Can you imagine that? This small company that wasn’t going to go anywhere if it weren't for me. I’m like their hero. They eventually sold their part to me, and I’ve been thriving ever since.”

Once he got to talking about his job, he hasn’t shut up about it since. He’s very arrogant and rude but that doesn’t seem to stop him. As soon as the drinks come, you greedily take yours and down it without caring what it is.

“Whoa, doll, calm down. I don’t need to haul you to the car at the end of the night. You should pace yourself.”

No one can call me that but Bucky. Oh, Bucky. You shouldn’t have said yes to this man. He only asked you out to hear himself talk. You want this date to end so you pretend to be interested in what he has to say. Even when the date is over and he’s driving you home, he won’t shut up. His voice mixed with alcohol is starting to make your head throb.

About halfway to your house, you see red and blue lights behind you.

This better not be him, you think to yourself. Brandon pulls the car over obediently and waits for the officer to approach him. You look through the mirror to see the outline of the officer and recognize it immediately. He better not. I swear to God… Instead of walking to the driver’s side door, Bucky walks over to your door and leans down so only you can see him.

“Step out of the vehicle, please.”

“No.”

Bucky takes a deep breath to calm himself down. He leans in so close that you can smell his delicious cologne. That makes your head spin.

“I’ll repeat myself. Step out of the car.”

“Or what? You’re gonna drag me out?”

“Don’t tempt me, doll,” he says so only you can hear it.

“Is there a problem, Officer?” Brandon asks.

“Yes. You have a busted taillight.”

“Fuck! You’ve got to be joking, sir.”

“No, sir, I’m not.”

“Shit. Officer, I can promise you I keep this car in the utmost pristine condition.”

“Not today, buddy. That’s a ticket.”

Bucky takes out his pad and writes Brandon a hefty ticket for a broken taillight you’re not sure is even broken.

“Fuck!” Brandon turns to you without guilt on his face. “Look, do you mind if I drop you off right here? Your house is only down the road. You can get there from here, right?”

Your mouth drops open in shock.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take her home,” Bucky offers.

“Thank you. I’ll call you.”

You don’t say anything as you get out of the car. Bucky walks you to the passenger side of his cruiser. You look at the taillights of Brandon’s car and notice they’re both working properly.

“What the fuck, Bucky?” you yell when he gets in the driver’s seat. “His taillights are broken! You can’t just do that. That’s illegal!”

“He’ll fight against it, and I’ll drop the charges,” he shrugs.

“You’re un-fucking-believable. We were actually having a good time,” you lie.

“No, you weren't,” he laughs.

“How do you know that?”

“It’s written all over your face. Your eyes don’t have the usual light.” Bucky pulls onto the road and heads in the direction of your house. “I don’t know why you would accept the date in the first place.”

“Because at least he had the fucking balls to ask me.”

That puts the entire car ride into a tense silence. He doesn’t say anything for the rest of the ride home. He pulls up to your place but instead of letting you get out first, he gets out and walks over to your side of the car. He opens the door but doesn't let you leave the car. He leans into the car, grabs your chin, and kisses you. You’re shocked but you won’t pull away from him. Both your lips move in harmony against one another, and he slides his tongue into your mouth to show you he means business.

“You’re not allowed to see other men.”

“Why not?” you ask, breathlessly.

“Because you’re mine now and I’m not gonna let you go.” This brings a smile to your face. He lets you get out, and when you pass by him, he taps your ass lightly. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Doll.”

Yes, you will.

x

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[purple-babygirl]

don't call me daddy V

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x little!f!reader

Word count: 4,660

Summary : In a world where littles are openly themselves, they volunteer to help and be helped by willing caregivers. In spite of himself, Bucky finds himself stuck with one and to keep the nagging away, he has to learn how to be around her with everything that that entails.

Warnings: crying, age regression, fluff, a little angst

A/N: i would like to give credits for this part and its idea to🦊nonnie because without her ask there might've not been a fifth part to this story. Having said that, i'm thinking this should be the last part of the story because i am out of scenario your girl is empty. but anyway, please enjoy this one and have a tight hug xx💜💜

~

When they arrived back at her house, she was asleep in the passenger's seat.

Bucky didn’t want to wake her up. He knew she barely got any sleep last night because of the mean cough she was suffering from and so he carefully carried her inside without a word.

His heart kept speeding up every time he would remember what she called him after taking her shot as he slipped her feet out of her shoes and socks and tucked her in her bed.

He frankly had no idea what he would do if she was to wake up little and if he was ready to be a good daddy to her. What if he messed up again? He seemed to be a pro at that.

Luckily, when she woke up later that night, she was her big self again and didn’t seem to have any recollection of calling Bucky daddy, or if she did, she didn’t mention it.

Bucky gave her her cough syrup and the rest of the meds, helping her go back to sleep as he presumed his place on the floor by her bed.

In a way he couldn’t explain, even her coughs were more comfort than the silence at his house, and definitely more comfort than his nightmares.

It was 12 days of little sleep, a lot of crying, meds, movies and sleepovers until she was fully cured again, and even though Bucky hated that she was sick, those seemed to have been some of the best days he’s ever gotten to live since he’s come back to himself.

He got to laugh with someone, care for someone, comfort someone and enjoy the company of someone. And not just anyone; it was her.

But something was missing still.

Bucky wanted her to call him daddy. More than anything and from the bottom of his heart, he wanted to deserve that name, that role.

What Bucky had noticed in the days he’d stayed at her place was that she had no family pictures at all.

She had framed pictures of friends, of herself, of Corgi, but none of family members.

It didn’t come as a surprise because she’d mentioned it to him before, and he just knew that if he wanted to be her caregiver, her daddy, Bucky had to prove to her that he was nothing like those who’d hurt her. He had to prove himself worthy of taking care of her; set himself apart from them.

And to do that, he had to know more.

“I see no family pictures anywhere,” Bucky spoke as he helped her plant the new tulips she had in place.

“Yeah, we’re not close.” She shrugged, hand stuttering just the tiniest bit in their movements.

“Can I ask why?”

She sighed, “why?”

“I’m trying to learn from the mistakes of others.”

She laughed, “really?”

“Really.”

Oh, this wasn’t a joke?

“You know you don’t have to do that anymore, right?” She couldn’t understand why he would want to try again when the report was handed and he was let off the hook.

“I want to. I really want to.” Bucky wished his gloved hands weren’t muddy as they were so he could touch her face.

He found himself craving physical contact around her more often than not.

“You finally believe in the power of the program?” She teased, keeping her focus on the flowers she was rooting.

“No, I couldn’t care less about the institution and its programs.”

“Not even Mrs. Morrison?” She joked again.

“I’m serious, doll.”

“Why then?” She dropped the bulbs, deciding to face Bucky.

“I want it because it’s you I’ll be daddy to.”

“They never loved me for who I was.” She answered his previous question and Bucky felt a pang at his chest.

He had made her feel the same way.

He remained silent, not wanting to interrupt her in fear that she might stop.

“I always had to be a certain way, say certain things, act a certain way. Do what we say and then we’ll see if we can love you.”

Bucky might’ve been speechless, but his eyes spoke a million words, begging hers for forgiveness for his ignorant mistakes.

“That’s why it hurt so much when you showed me you didn’t accept the little version of me.”

“I’m so sorry-”

She shook her head, stopping him.

“I’ve been rejected for too long, Bucky, too many times. It took me a good while to finally believe that I was worth loving despite my quirks, ugly parts and possible mistakes. Took too long to teach myself that it didn’t matter if I cried all the time, was too clingy or too talkative; I was still lovable.” She pointed to her chest as she finished her words.

Bucky took his gloves off, pulling her in for a hug, unable to stop himself anymore. He had no words, only anger and remorse raging inside his chest.

“It takes you a while to unlearn stuff you’ve been taught your whole life by the people who were supposed to love you the most.” She whispered into his shirt.

“Doll, I’m so sorry,” Bucky whispered back.

“It’s okay.” She looked up at him, “I appreciate you, Bucky, I really do, but I don’t think I’m ready to lose everything I’ve built inside me if you decide in the middle of it that you weren’t fully ready to take on such a responsibility. I forgive you. I promise. But I don’t trust you enough to give up full control of myself and my life to you again. I’m sorry.” She pulled away from the hug, giving Bucky the option to walk away.

“Don’t be. I understand.” He remained in place.

“Are you gonna disappear now?” She wondered with a sad smile.

“No, you’re not getting rid of me so easily.” Bucky returned the smile, putting his gloves back on.

She smiled gratefully, “I don’t wanna lose you either. You’re such a great friend. And I owe you forever for taking care of me those past few days.”

“What if I prove myself to you though?” Bucky asked, dipping a tulip bulb in the soil.

“What?” She tilted her head in confusion.

“What if I show you how serious I am about this and prove myself worthy of you?”

“Bucky, you don’t have to do that. I know you have a life, responsibilities-”

“I want to do it. There’s nothing more important to me right now than this. And you.”

“If you’re doing this just because you can’t accept that you failed the program-”

“I swear on my ma’s soul, I want to do this. Because of you, doll. For you and with you.”

The words died on her tongue as she watched his sincere eyes implore hers.

“Would you give me a chance to prove myself to you? Please?”

“Okay, Bucky.” She swallowed, “one chance.”

“That’s all I need.” Bucky smiled.

She was not sick anymore and he didn’t have a reason to stick around. He also didn’t want to push her on the matter of regressing, so, respectful of her boundaries, he left.

~

After their conversation in the garden, Bucky had to go home.

His heart was heavy when he entered his empty apartment to nothing and no one. Being alone in here wasn’t something he enjoyed anymore.

It has been 2 days of intense research that Bucky has conducted on age regression and partners in little space when she texted him that night.

“Mr. Barnes, can you please come over?”

He wasn’t particularly happy about the fact that he was Mr. Barnes again, but he certainly was happy that she thought to text him when little. This was an improvement and it counted to Bucky.

“Will be right there, doll.” He texted back, running to his motorcycle.

~

Bucky took in a deep breath before knocking at her door, ready to prove himself a suitable daddy.

She opened with teary eyes, making Bucky’s heart sink.

“What’s wrong, doll?” Bucky asked as he stepped inside.

“I can’t open the pickle jar and now my hands hurt,” she cried, showing him the insides of her palms and how red they were from trying so hard to twist the cap on the glass jar.

She was indeed a little worried that Bucky might find this stupid, that he might yell at her or get upset because she was crying over something minimal in his eyes.

But that wasn’t the case at all. The man was just thankful that she was alright.

“Oh, doll,” Bucky sighed in relief, glad that she wasn’t actually hurt.

Until he remembered that this was a big deal to her. Her hands hurt and she was frustrated because the cap wouldn’t budge.

Moments like these definitely required a daddy.

“I thought Mr. Barnes could help,” she sniffled, her hand wiping under her nose, “metal arm.” She touched his gloved hand.

Bucky chuckled, taking the pickle jar out of her hand, “what if I can do it without the metal arm? What would you give me in return?”

“The biggest pickle?” She offered, wiping her tears away from her eyes, her crying stopping at once.

Bucky laughed at her innocence, “no, I want something else, doll.”

She tilted her head expectantly.

What could Mr. Barnes possibly want? Did he want the whole jar? Would he at least leave her one pickle? She was craving pickles-

“I want you to start calling me Bucky again. No more Mr. Barnes. Can you do that for me, doll?”

Oh, that was something she could do.

“Only if you can open the jar with your not metal hand,” she challenged, her little mind amazed by the idea because look at her hand! It had red marks all over when she tried opening that jar.

“You got it,” Bucky said, easily twisting the cap on the jar open, making her mouth open with it.

“Woah,” she whispered as Bucky handed her the jar with a laugh.

“You’re welcome, doll.” He smiled, watching her chew on a crunchy pickle.

“Thank you, Bucky.” She smiled back, offering him a big pickle.

Bucky’s nerves tingled, knowing he was one step closer to her and his desired title.

~

Moving forward, Bucky learned to distinguish between her big self and little self through texts.

Her little self would always talk about him and herself in third person.

Plus, her big self always needed help with bigger things like needing Bucky to fix her sink or look at her car, knowing he might burn down the city if she went back to asking Adam for help with those things.

Her little self, on the other hand, would need help with the lighter things, the sweeter things. She would call asking for help with Corgi, something too high on a shelf or even just wanting Bucky’s company.

Tonight was one of those nights.

It was thundering more than usual and Bucky had wanted to go and be with her, but he didn’t want to invade her privacy.

But then she called and her scared voice saying his name had Bucky moving even before she uttered the words.

He was proud that she now knew that he was just only one call away; that he would come running whenever she needed. She could finally count on him to be there for her and he couldn’t be more contented.

He knew that consistency was important in relationships, especially one where she was little.

“Hey, doll, it’s okay. It’s just a little thunder,” Bucky cooed, rubbing her back as she let him inside.

“I’m not scared anymore now that Bucky is here.” She smiled, her breathing visibly slowing down.

“Well, I’m staying the night so you have nothing to worry about,” he chuckled, following her to the bedroom.

“Bucky covered his motorcycle?” she asked, worried his vehicle would get ruined.

“Leave that for now, we’ll hose it down together tomorrow when it’s sunny.”

“Corgi loves the hose,” she spoke out the first thought that came to her mind and Bucky loved it, laughing heartily at her comment.

The dog’s ears perked at the sound of his name, jumping at Bucky’s feet as soon as he entered the bedroom, waiting for his share of pets.

He bent down to give the dog some love when he heard her sigh.

“Corgi loves Bucky too.” She smiled shyly, internally wishing her name was Corgi.

“Bucky loves Corgi right back,” Bucky whispered, leaning in to kiss her forehead.

She only smiled bigger, running to her bed and getting under the covers.

When Bucky got down to sleep on the floor that night, however, she slipped off her bed and right next to him.

“Doll, the floor is too cold for you. Sleep on your bed, come on.” Bucky sat up, wanting to help her up on the bed again but she wouldn’t move.

“Wanna be next to Bucky,” she said with a pout.

“But-”

“I know Bucky can’t sleep on beds. It’s okay. Doll will sleep here,” she told him, squeezing Wolfie in her arms.

Bucky’s heart fluttered and it made his mind light up with an idea only a true daddy would have.

“Do you wanna build a fort?” He suggested and her face instantly beamed with a smile as she nodded.

Of course she did!

That night as Bucky gathered all of her soft blankets to make her a floor mattress inside a fort full of fluffy pillows, he knew he was smitten.

This girl had him head over heels for her and there was nothing in the world that he wouldn’t do just to see her smile.

“Can Bucky please tell me a story?”

“Sure, doll. Do you have any books I can read to you from?”

“I have books that big me likes but I don’t want those.”

“What would you like then?”

“I want a story that is Bucky’s. Tell me a story you didn’t tell anyone at the institution.”

Oh, she was jealous. The thought made Bucky smile as he pulled the covers up to her neck to make sure she was warm down on the floor.

“Okay, you ready?” Bucky asked, dimming the lights in her room.

She made herself comfortable under the covers, big eyes watching Bucky’s handsome grin as the cozy atmosphere he’s created comforted her through the storm, “ready.”

“Once upon a time, there was a small idiot who picked up fights with boys much bigger than himself. His name was Steve…”

Bucky fell asleep with his hand stroking her hair, watching her soft breaths leave her chest that night without abruptly waking up in the middle of it for the first time in forever.

~

Bucky didn’t know what it was like to be her, but he was going to do his best to put himself in her shoes like she’d previously tried.

She deserved to be fully and entirely understood.

He witnessed a glimpse of her feelings towards the concept of family a couple of times when they would watch movies like The Lion King or Lilo and Stitch.

She didn’t seem to be affected by the death of Mufasa even though he knew her to be a very sensitive little. She was sad for Simba, of course, but not for Mufasa’s demise. Similarly with Lilo and Stitch, she didn’t care much about the concept of the family.

There was an actual barrier separating her from experiencing any positive feelings that came with the idea of family. Because she had none to associate with hers.

With some more research, Bucky managed to find a few animated movies that didn’t seem to revolve around the idea of family love and how family was everything and whatnot.

One of those movies was The Willoughbys. The movie depicted how neglecting some parents can be and that 2 people loving each other and getting married didn’t necessarily mean they would love their children too.

It was a very unique movie and Bucky was actually happy they could make such movies nowadays.

When the song I Choose You started playing in the movie, Bucky felt her small hand squeezing into a fist.

He silently wrapped his hand around hers, offering quiet comfort and support.

“Bucky chooses you, doll. Wholeheartedly.” Bucky reassured, bringing her knuckles to his lips.

He looked down to see tears in her innocent eyes as she showed her feelings for the first time during one of their movie nights.

“Bucky chooses me?” she croaked, lip trembling as she cried.

“I choose Bucky, too.” She pulled him down by one cheek to leave a kiss on the other.

Bucky froze.

It was the first time she’s kissed him since he applied that cream on her burnt hand back at his house. She did it on her own, too.

“And I choose Corgi,” she said, running her fingers through the hair of the puppy sleeping soundly on her lap.

“That’s right, and Corgi chooses you. Family doesn’t have to be the ones you were born with, doll,” Bucky told her as he wiped her tears away, “you can choose the family you want for yourself”.

“Thank you, Bucky.” She hugged him tight, afraid he might not be real and that this moment is all made up.

“You’re welcome, doll.” Bucky kissed the side of her head as they pulled away.

“Can I choose Adam, too?” She asked, voice barely above a whisper as she gauged Bucky’s reaction.

She could actually hear his chest rumble with a low “argh” before he nodded despite himself, making her giggle.

“Don’t worry. I only have one Bucky.” She reassured, slinging her arm around Bucky’s metal one.

One daddy, she wanted to say, but she couldn’t. She was still scared.

~

Bucky knew that she needed her own independent time alone sometimes even when little, and he would allow her just that, texting throughout the day just to make sure she was okay, reminding her to drink water and take care of herself.

But there was one particularly hard weekend when she felt real down about some of her plants dying as the storm took them out of the ground.

When she opened the door she was clearly disheveled, hair all messy and looking like it hadn’t been brushed all week.

“Hey, doll,” Bucky spoke gently as he closed the door behind him.

She quickly ran into his arms, needing the comfort more than anything, “my plants are dead and Corgi peed on my new carpet and my hair doesn’t smell like shampoo anymore and I’m-”

Damn. She was spiraling. She just slipped out of his hug and on the floor. Oh no.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. You’re okay. I’m here now and I got you, okay?” Bucky tried his best to reassure her, getting on his knees before her to look into her eyes.

“Okay,” she hiccupped, nodding even though she wasn’t fully convinced.

“What happened to the plants?” Bucky wanted to handle her concerns one at a time.

“My apple trees were pulled out of place because of the storm,” she started sobbing again as she remembered what had happened to her hard word.

“Okay, okay, tell you what, I’ll put them back in place, okay?”

“Really?” She sniffed.

“Really.” Bucky smiled kindly.

“Okay.” She nodded, trying to control her breathing.

“And we’ll throw the new carpet in the washing machine, and keep Corgi in his playpen with pee pads,” Bucky gave her the steps of how the day was going to go, leading her by the hand to where Corgi was.

“Okay.” She nodded again, her tears ceasing.

“And while the carpet is being washed, I’ll help you wash your hair. Does that sound okay?” Bucky asked her permission, wanting to make sure she was completely comfortable.

“Yes.” She was finally smiling again as well.

“Okay, let’s get you in here,” Bucky told the puppy before placing him inside his playpen.

He spread a few sheets on which the dog could pee if needed before collecting the affected mat.

“Let’s take this to the washing machine,” Bucky voiced his movements, wanting to put her at ease as he kept her hand in his and walked with her to the bathroom.

“In you go.” Bucky threw the rug inside the washing machine along with some detergent.

“Now what do we do?” He asked her, wanting to keep her out of her head.

“Wash doll’s hair?” She asked with half a smile.

“That’s right, get in there.” Bucky tilted his head towards the bathtub with a smile.

~

And for some reason, it was different this time. He didn’t feel all weird seeing her naked. Maybe it was because he knew her better this time and was familiar with her in more ways than one that such intimacy didn’t startle him.

He wasn’t sure, but Bucky wasn’t complaining, only grateful as she closed her sweet eyes and trusted him to wash her hair for her.

“Alright, show me how it’s done,” Bucky encouraged, instructing her to whip her hair to the front so he could wrap the towel around it.

She did as told with a giggle, dangling her hair before her and letting Bucky wrap it up the best he could.

“Off to the couch.” Bucky chuckled as he watched her skip in her cashmere bathrobe to her couch.

Later after Bucky has brushed her hair for her, he helped her get dressed and they went outside together to replant the fallen apple saplings the wind had knocked down just like he'd promised.

The smile on her face was new and unmatched as she watched Bucky handle her plants with care.

“Thank you, Bucky.” She hugged him close, hardly wanting to let go as they stood in the middle of her garden.

Bucky was now rooted in her heart just like the plants in her garden were in their soil.

She didn’t think she could be away from him anymore. She didn’t want to be away from him anymore.

“Daddy, I’m hungry,” she whispered timidly as they started walking back to the house.

“What do you want on your piz- what did you say?” Bucky stopped in his tracks.

“I’m hungry.” She bit her lip and looked away quickly, hesitant now that his eyes were on her.

“Before that, doll.” Bucky brought her eyes back to his by her chin.

“D-daddy?”

Bucky smiled a smile that reached his eyes as they lit up with gratitude. He couldn’t believe he was finally hearing that word.

“Daddy’s thinking pizza, doll. Sound okay?”

Her face glowed up with her own smile as she witnessed Bucky, with full commitment, refer to himself as daddy.

She nodded, knowing this was going to be the most delicious pizza she was ever going to eat.

~

“What is daddy thinking?” She asked when she noticed his eyes on her, slipping a loose strand of hair behind Bucky’s ear.

“Just thinking about all the things you make me feel, doll.” He smiled, turning his face to kiss her hand before it left his face.

Her face started heating up as she retracted her hand, tingles spreading all over her, “things like what?”

“You make me feel like there’s still good in this world. Like I’m worth patience and kindness and maybe even… love,” Bucky voiced his feelings, eyes dreamy as they watched her pretend to be focused on organizing her stuffies’ seats on the floor.

“You are, daddy,” she replied sincerely, hurting inside that Bucky might doubt this even a little.

“I can’t believe I was so horrible to you, doll.” Bucky’s sigh came out hot from his chest, holding so much regret.

“That’s in the past, daddy. Doll doesn’t think about it no more.” She smiled, her littler hand covering his own lovingly before giving a soothing squeeze.

“You’re just perfect, aren’t you?” Bucky held her hand up and gave the back of it a noisy kiss.

She laughed, face heating up more at the sweet attention, “no body’s perfect, remember?”

Bucky tried to continue laughing with her but he was still kicking himself for what he did to her during her visit to his house.

“How did you even tolerate me back then, doll? I was the worst.” Bucky covered his face with his hands as he threw his head back, laying on his back on the floor full of shame.

“That’s not true. You just misunderstood me and that happens!” She was quick to defend him, refusing the idea that he would even criticize himself, “daddy is the best.”

“I know, but it still gave me no right to treat you the way I did.” Bucky’s eyes teared up at the memories of his very mean words and actions, “I made you cry a lot.” He struggled to forgive himself for that one.

“Daddy, I forgave you, I swear,” she promised, her hands cradling his full cheeks.

She felt like her heart might stop from sadness if Bucky was to cry right now.

“I’m really sorry. I’m really really sorry, doll.” Bucky’s eyes were sincere, holding so much emotion in them that she felt her own begin to fill up with tears.

“Daddy, you don’t need to apologize no more,” she whispered, doing her best to hold back tears.

“You have made me the luckiest man on earth by accepting me as your caregiver, your daddy, and you’ve taught me so much, doll.” Bucky actually started crying, a lot of held-inside feelings coming out at once.

“Daddy.” Her thumb wiped under his eyes gently as she felt her own tears roll down, “don’t say stuff like that”.

“But I need to. Because you did. You taught me unconditional love and acceptance. You taught me what it means to live again. Doll, your patience with my terribleness has taught me that maybe I’m not a hopeless case after all, and that this shell of a man with a metal arm might be capable of things he thought have been wiped from his memory long ago.”

“Daddy, please stop crying,” she sobbed, pressing her forehead to his chin as her attempts at wiping his tears away have proven to be futile.

“I love you so much, doll. I love you with every old bit of me and if you’ll have me…”

“Daddy?” she raised her head, eyes on Bucky’s face, trying to read his expression.

Could Bucky really be asking what she thought he was asking?

“Doll, I want you to be my baby for more than just a few days. Would you give me that honor? Would you let me be your daddy for real?”

“Daddy, are you sure?” she nervously bit her lip.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything before.” Bucky promised.

She nodded frantically, afraid the offer might disappear if she took too long to respond, “yes.”

“Thank you, doll.” Bucky breathed as he pulled her to him, strong arms engulfing her in a protective hug.

“Daddy will not regret it later?” her eyes watched him, a small hint of doubt still tainting her trust.

“Do you like the moon, doll?”

“Yes.” She tilted her head, not understanding the relation between her question and Bucky’s answer.

“You know how our sky only has one moon?”

She nodded.

“My heart is just like that. It can only have one doll no matter how much time passes.”

“Oh.” She sniffled, trying to hold the tears in.

“I love you, doll.” Bucky gave her hair a long kiss.

“I love you, daddy.” She kissed his chest, her arms tightening their hold around him as best as she could, never wanting to be away from him again.

And she wasn’t going to be. Bucky was an idiot who let her go once; never again was he going to make that mistake.

He was blessed with her now and he was going to spend every day of his life proving he was worthy of this blessing.

~

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[mrsbuckybarnes1917]

Request from @lives-in-midgard: Bucky and reader just watched a movie and then cuddled up to sleep. After a few minutes a thunderstorm begins and reader can feel that Bucky holds her more tighter because the thunder and the lightning triggers something in him. Reader comforts Bucky and then has the idea to build a blanket fort with Bucky.

Word Count: 1,872

Warnings: Thunderstorms, Bucky's mental health

Sometimes you enjoyed a good session of Netflix and chill with Bucky but more often than not you'd end up with Hulu and hang, especially when he came home worn out from his day job of being a hero. Tonight was one of those nights. Bucky had come home completely and utterly shattered. You had been worried that he wouldn't make it home before the forecasted storm that was supposed to be rolling in. But he had come home safe and sound, if not a little worse for wear.

“Hey Buck,” you greeted him at the door with a soft tone and small peck on the cheek. 

He responded with a deep sigh, shrugging off his jacket and toeing off his dirty boots. Normally you'd chastise him for getting mud on the floor, but something told you to hold your tongue.

But it was as though he could read your mind. Bucky looked down at the mud on the floor and sighed. “I'm sorry, I'll clean it up.”

“Don't worry, baby. I'll sort it out later.”

“It's not fair on you.”

He picked up his boots and deposited them outside the front door. Bucky shut the door behind him turning back to you. He looked so lost and exhausted. You wondered what on Earth had happened to him during his last mission. As tempting it was to probe further, you sensed that it might not be the right time. Instead you opted for another question.

“What do you need?”

“I don't know,” he answered miserably.

“How does a shower sound? And I'll order your favorite take out and we can have a TV dinner. Okay?”

Bucky nodded mutely, trudging off to the bathroom. You sighed and picked up your phone to place your order. The food should arrive quickly, but you felt guilty for dragging the poor delivery man out in such terrible weather but your boyfriend needed pampering.

You answered the door to a pimply teenager who you tipped heavily for his troubles. It took you a moment to notice why he hadn't moved from his position of accepting your tip. Bucky had emerged dripping wet with a low hung towel draped over his waist. He was the epitome of a Greek God, water droplets tracing the outlines of his clearly defined abs.

“Get going, kid. Don't want to get caught in the storm.” You ushered the teen out of your doorway before closing the door behind him. You turned to Bucky with a grin. “Dressing to impress, are we?”

He blushed slightly. “Sorry. I was just looking for that towel.”

Immediately you realized that he was after the large fluffy white towel you had bought him a few months ago. It had been a self care gift. You had advised him that he needed to take care of himself better, that he deserved to have comfort. He had pretended to scorn the gift, but when your back was turned, you saw him rubbing his fingers between the soft fibers. It warmed your heart to know that he had heeded your words.

“Yeah, here it is.”

You fetched the requested item from the linen closet where you had put it after its last wash. He took the towel in his vibranium hand, his flesh one wrapped around your outstretched one, not letting you go.

You looked up into his eyes, searchingly. “Everything okay?”

“Only when you're here.”

He smiled, retreating to the bedroom to dry off and get dressed. You couldn't help but smile back at him, giving his ass a little pat as he left. Bucky returned promptly as you finished dishing out all the food onto one plate. He was definitely hungry, his insatiable supersoldier diet meant he always had room for a meal. Usually his mood was the only thing that would suppress his appetite, so it was a good sign to see him licking his lips with anticipation.

“Just one plate?” he frowned. “Is it all for you or me?”

“I thought we could share. Did you know that in Ethiopian culture, eating from the same plate is a symbol of love?”

“But you ordered Korean food,” Bucky replied, frowning in confusion. 

“You speak like six different languages and you’re so smart, but sometimes Bucky, you can be really dense.”

Bucky smirked at your teasing. He grabbed the plate from your hands and headed to the couch, beckoning for you to follow. He pulled the coffee table up to the couch and sat down on the floor leaning against it. You joined him in time to hear him heave a sigh of relief.

“Feel good to get off your feet?” you asked.

“You have no idea, Doll,” Bucky sighed.

“Did something happen out here?” you asked tentatively, helping yourself to a gimbap of the plate.

Bucky grabbed his chopsticks and stuffed a piece of sweet and sour chicken into his mouth as a way to avoid answering your question. You sighed, rubbing his thigh as an apology for your intrusion. He was definitely not in the mood to talk and you were happy to eat and watch your movie in silence.

Once you had both finished your food, you paused the movie to grab a few cushions and pushed the coffee table away to make room. You and Bucky made yourselves comfortable on the floor under a large blanket, turning down the lights and restarting the movie. You felt relaxed in his arms, in the dimmed light with the sound of rain pattering against the window.

The raindrops turned from the gentle tapping into a hammering against the glass panes of the apartment. It was accompanied by a duo of distant rumbling and bright flashes. The wind howled through the rickety apartment and you snuggled deeper under the blanket and against Bucky's side.

It was only when Bucky's fingers dug into your side sharply did you notice how tight his grip on your waist had become. This was what prompted you to cast your senses out and you noticed how rigid your boyfriend had become. His body was stiff and his breath was shallow and faster than normal. Your head was resting against his chest and you heard his heart pounding. This demeanor could almost have been mistaken for arousal, but you knew your boyfriend well enough to know when he was being triggered.

The trauma Bucky had suffered was unimaginable. He rarely spoke about his time at HYDRA, and what he did tell you was evasive at best. There would be times where he would stare off into space with a haunted look or wake up drenched in sweat after a nightmare. When you had first met, he had been reluctant to sleep over and you had felt anxious about his dedication to your relationship. But he had been surprisingly forthcoming when you'd expressed your concerns. Since then, you'd progressed in your commitment to each other and now you were a great source of comfort to him and sleeping beside you had significantly reduced the incidence of his bad dreams. And here he was again, showing all the signs of being lost in a haze of his past.

“Buck?” you whispered. “Bucky?”

He was mumbling repeatedly under his breath. “I'm not the Winter Soldier. I'm James Bucky Barnes.”

It broke your heart to hear the desperation in his voice. You had missed it at first because his voice was so soft and went unnoticed, masked by the sound of the television.

“That's right, baby. You're James Bucky Barnes, my handsome sweet boyfriend. You're kind, smart and brave. I'm so proud of how you fight every single day. How much good you do. That's the man I fell in love with. That's my Bucky.”

Bucky turned to you, not once releasing his grip on you. “I had a bad day,” he sighed.

“I know, baby.”

“I don't want to talk about it.”

“That's alright. You don't have to. But I'm here for you if you do. You know that, right?”

“I appreciate that. But I don't want you to see that part of me.”

His words made you feel a little disappointed. Of course it was his choice, but you wanted him to let you in.

“I love every part of you, Buck.”

“I don't know that I deserve that.”

“Well I'm here to tell you that you do, everyday until you believe it. Now, how can I help you now?”

“I should have listened to you and put up curtains. The lightning, it's-” Bucky didn't know how to put into words the source of his distress.

You bit your lip, pondering the problem for a moment. “Oh! I have an idea! Be back in a minute, need to grab a few things. Is that okay?” You checked if he didn't mind you leaving his side for a bit.

Bucky nodded and you jumped up and into his bedroom. You had insisted he bought a bed and with it came pillows, pillow cases and bedsheets. You ran into his room to grab the biggest one you could find.

"Got it!”

You proceeded to pull the chairs from the dining room table and place them parallel to the couch, facing outwards. You shook out the sheet and in one swift motion draped it across the backs of all the chairs, effectively creating a blanket fort. You dropped a few of the decorative ornaments that you had bought Bucky onto the chair, weighing the sheets down to keep tension in the roof. Last of all, you grabbed the little galaxy projector and flicked it on. 

The bedsheet was thick enough to block out the light coming from the windows. And the cave you'd created emanated a soft purple glow that Bucky found soothing.

He put his arm back around you as you dropped to the floor and crawled against his side.

“Want to carry on with the movie? Or I can put some music on? Or anything else you want.”

“Umm,” Bucky took a minute to think what he wanted.

You waited patiently for him to process his thoughts. Bucky struggled to give an immediate answer when he was exhausted and often got frustrated if people rushed him. You tried hard to respect his needs.

“You know that soundtrack you were listening to last week?”

You scrunched your eyebrows in confusion. You listened to a lot of music.

“The music from that show you like… the one with the Duke.”

“Wait, are you talking about Bridgerton?” A grin spread across your face, impressed that Bucky had noticed.

“Yeah, that one,” Bucky mumbled.

“Sure,” you answered, smiling and pulling out your phone and opening your Spotify app. You typed out Bucky's choice in the search box and hit play. “Happy?”

“Ecstatic.” Bucky answered, sarcastically and rolled his eyes.

You laid your head on the pillow beside his, looking up at the lights in the sheeted ceiling you'd created. The storm outside couldn't penetrate the haven you'd made. Bucky took a few deep breaths, trying to calm the storm that raged inside him. Your arm around his waist and your hand on his heart helped tame the tempestuous beast that gnawed upon his soul.

“Thank you,” he whispered in your ear. 

[bigtreefest]

Chapter 3: Honey Trap

From: You Catch More Bees With Honey Series

Pairing: Mob! Bucky x Farmer! Reader

Summary: A Farmer’s Market and Pouring out your heart over a beer leads to Bucky learning more about his favorite mysterious farmer

Content/warnings: mentions of previous heartbreak and descriptions, a surprising amount of crying/near-crying, soft mobster Bucky, Heartless Jake, Creepy Cole, mentions of blood/period (not graphic and should be normalized because this happens to me all the time and I know I’m not alone in that), excessive drinking and lowkey alcoholism, cowboy hat rule, mutual pining and reluctance towards that, y/n used like three times

Word Count: 5,295

A/N: I didn’t mean for this chapter to be this long, but also, I definitely meant for it to be this long. Sorry for making dear, wonderful, Jake Jensen out to be a bad guy, and NOT sorry for making Cole Turner a creep. Likes, comments, reblogs, and asks are SUPER appreciated. Thank you for reading, I love you *gives forehead kiss*

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

< Prev | Series Masterlist | Next >

Bucky knew lots of languages. Country was not one of them. You would think it would be, with how many arms purchasers were from the south, but he kept his dealings with those folk as short and formal as possible. It was better for his sanity and everyone else that way.

He’d been running into a lot of country folk today, helping you run this farmer’s market out of one of your barns. Half of his conversations with people were full of twangy words and phrases he didn’t understand, so he just lightly laughed, hoping that was the right response. The other half were children, asking him what the bump was on the side of his head, the result of the bee incident earlier this week. Before, it was slightly swollen and red, but it was nearly back to normal. Darn kids have keen eyes, though, and no shame. He’d just about had enough. These people were too polite, besides their annoying children. Lucky for him, though, he’d sold off the last of the turnip greens, and his cash box was full, so he made his way over to you at the stand holding the freshly jarred honey you’d successfully, and he’d not-so-successfully harvested earlier in the week. It was just in time to catch the tail end of a conversation he saw you were having with a slightly older woman.

“You’re like our very own honeybee”

“Oh please, Mrs. Jensen, you know the bees do all the work. I just put it in a jar”

“You’re too modest, dear. My Jakey says no one makes sweeter honey than you. I always tell him to come back and help if he loves it that much, but it seems he’s too late now. Looks like you’ve got yourself a new farm hand who’s easy on the eyes”

Bucky glanced up at her through his eyelashes with his signature smirk, raising to a stand from setting the empty turnip green crate at your feet. “Well you know what they say, honeybees don’t work alone. And their hard work makes the world go round.”

For some reason unbeknownst to him, Bucky slung his hand over your shoulder. Was it jealousy he was feeling? Possessiveness? Why, he didn’t own you and he promised himself he wouldn’t fall, physically or metaphorically (although it was far too late physically, and he didn’t want to think about how close he truly was metaphorically). Plus, it’s not like he was having the best time right now. This whole week was a nightmare, and the only reason he was in a decent mood was from seeing your smile as you interacted with the town’s folk today. You were a person of the people, in juxtaposition to how Bucky was often only looking out for himself. So why did the mention of Jakey make this feel necessary and why did it feel so right? Either way, he was proud of you and your hard work and the way it made people beam as bright as Mrs. Jensen. But he’d never say that. Where he’s from, hard work is expected and definitely not praised, although not nearly as manual. But seeing all the effort for that couple jars of honey made him question if the work he was even doing was that hard. Maybe he’d been away from the city too long and was losing perspective. Yeah. That had to be it.

“Well, either way, bless y’all’s heart for putting in the work. I’ll tell Jake you say hello.”

You and Bucky both waved goodbye.

“Well how about it Honeybee, Jakey appreciates all your hard work” he smirked, but watched the smile slide off your face.

“Try telling me that with our awful breakup years ago” you shrugged off with a small chuckle, but Bucky could see the light drain out of your eyes a little. He had obviously struck a nerve, but didn’t want to push farther, at least not now when there were still a few customers aimlessly shopping around for the last bits of produce left. Maybe he’d catch you once the two of you were alone.

You turned away from him to hide your grimace. Thinking back to that whole situation with Jake, on top of serving others all morning had completely drained you and it was quickly catching up.

“Um, why don’t you finish cleaning up the rest of the empty crates after you ask those last few people how you can help them with anything” you waved off Bucky back towards the other end of the barn, head down, starting to look through the cash box he had handed you. You waited until you could hear his receding footsteps on the hay floor to sniffle and take a deep breath. Bucky had keen ears, though, and hesitated hearing your sigh, before he continued on, giving you your chance to regroup. He had never seen you like this before, you were normally chipper and full of energy, often a little too much for his liking, but luckily it was Friday, and after he closed these deals, you both were home free.

Bucky quickly helped the last few stragglers take their rather large haul back to their car. An older man and woman who owned the bar in town had come to get some fresh vegetables for their salads, and Bucky convinced them to take the lot with his charm. That, and he wanted to make sure he didn’t have to carry them all the way back to storage. That was a long way, and you made him walk it. He rolled his eyes when you had told him about the task, too, handing him the handle to a little red wagon with a beaming smile on your face, insisting “that’s how Pappy did it before his first tractor” and “what did you think, I like wasting diesel for food that’s supposed to have a low carbon footprint? That’s why I’ve got you, Bucket.” So Bucky grumbled under his breath at first light, angry, yet amused that the nickname stuck, but still too tired to react any differently when he started the first of his dozen trips to move the produce from storage into the farmer’s market barn. And there was no way he was gonna do that again, so he convinced the couple to take the lot, even offering to carry it out to the car for them, because that was better than the quarter mile walk both ways through the tall grass of your fallow fields to return them.

“Thank you so much for your help, Jamie. You’ve taken such good care of us, you should come by the bar later if you can get some free time from Miss Y/L/N over there. She’s quite the hard worker, maybe bring her along. Drinks on us.” The older lady looked at Bucky with a soft smile.

Jamie, no one had called him that since his mom. Country folk and their want for instant closeness. He hardly knew this lady and already she was trying to be endearing, but her forced charm was nothing compared yours even when you weren’t trying. She looked over Bucky’s shoulder at you carrying a stack of heavy wooden crates out of the barn, hardly struggling, but very determined before sliding them back into the truck. Bucky’s eyes followed hers, a small grin of admiration creeping onto his face at your independence and mastery at everything you do, no matter how simple.

“Yeah, hardest worker out there. I’ll see if I can convince her to take a break.” He turned back and walked the lady to her door, opening it for her to get in.

“Drive safely. Hope to see you later Mr. and Mrs. Carter.” He shut the door and made his way back over to your truck. You had already gotten in and started it with the windows down. Bucky slid into the bench seat to be met by you with your forehead resting on the wheel in between your hands. You took a sharp inhale and shot up, putting on a fake smile, albeit less forced than earlier.

“Ready to go meet Curtis? We’ve just gotta touch base with him and then we’re good to be done for the day.”

“Um, yeah. Sounds good.”

Bucky wasn’t sure how to continue with you in that mood. Should be keep talking? Did you prefer the silence to think? The radio was low on the dash, but not silent, so he decided to speak up.

“Did you see who I was helping? They said they own the bar in town. Maybe we can go for a drink tonight? Celebrate a long week done?”

You sighed. Again. “Um, yeah. I actually think that sounds really good. We both need the decompression. TGIF, ya know?” You forced out a small laugh which Bucky returned and he turned forward as you continued the drive back toward your house.

When the two of you entered the farmhouse, your were greeted by Curtis, your weekend farmhand, sitting at the dining room table. He had already helped himself to a glass of sweet tea you kept in the fridge, mainly for him, which was made from your Aunt’s recipe he loved so much.

“Oh, good, you’re back from chores already.” Curtis had been kind enough to come in today to work on some tasks since you and Bucky had your hands full with the market. He usually only worked Saturday and Sunday since this was his second job, but he’d sometimes come in to help extra, like today.

“Bucket, this is Curty b—oh sorry, Curtis. He’s the one that makes sure things run smoothly when I’m not. He’s a whiz at fixing the machinery, perks of him also being the best mechanic in town.”

Bucky warily stepped forward, eyes narrowed, barely noticeable, and shook Curtis’s hand. Who is this guy who let himself into your house? “Bucky is fine, really.”

Curtis let out a chuckle, “nice to meet you, Bucket. It’s ok, I talked to Y/N about making cheese curds once, and she’s called me ‘Curty boi’ ever since.”

Bucky laughed and shook his head, looking over his shoulder. You just shrugged with a small smile on your face, already more relaxed and relieved to be inside your home with someone you didn’t feel like you had to put up a front for, that was reassuring. Bucky went into the kitchen to get you both a glass of water as you sat next to Curtis at the table, joined by Bucky sitting across after he handed you your glass. The three of you briefly talked about the chores Curtis had done that day, how the farmer’s market went, and what all needed done that weekend.

Curtis seemed nice, not threatening. The visceral tinge of jealousy left Bucky’s body as the conversation went on. If Curtis was going to make a move, he would’ve done it by now, surely. But the two of you were clearly just close friends. Why did Bucky keep feeling like this?

As you wrapped up, Curtis slapped his knees with both his hands and went to stand. “Well, I better get going, sun’s starting to get pretty low.”

Curtis and Bucky had been getting along pretty well, so you spoke up. “Well actually, Bucky and I were gonna go to the bar in town tonight. Care to join?”

“Yeah, I’d love to. There are just a few things I’ve gotta check on in the shop first, but I can drop by after. Does that work?”

“For sure. We’ll see you then” You and Bucky shared a small smile before you closed the door behind Curtis and turned back to the mob boss standing in your foyer.

“Ok, Cowboy. Good job today. Go take a shower, we’re going out.” Bucky beamed, which you returned, and he felt a warmth bloom in his chest at your praise.

“Yes, ma’am, Miss Honeybee” you smiled and rolled your eyes as he ran up the steps, following behind to get ready, yourself. He was really glad your mood was starting to turn around.

As Bucky went to his room to gather his clothing, his mind started to drift towards why he cared how you felt. He was just here for business, right? So why did it bother him if you were sad? If anything, he should want you vulnerable to help him come out on top of your business, but something deep inside of him felt more satisfaction when you were winning. He shook the thoughts from his head. Maybe a cold shower could help him sort this out.

Bucky came down the stairs and sat on the couch just as he heard your hair dryer start up. He had gotten ready quickly, throwing on one of his henleys, his nicer jeans, and a pair of boots Sam had sent him this week when he had heard about the whole ‘borrowing clothes situation.’

He shot Steve a text, telling him that the two of you were going out to the bar with Curtis, to which he replied Have fun, Bucket😉.

Ugh, why did he have to tell Steve about that, it was never gonna go away now. Bucky had gotten a call from Steve each evening giving updates on the business, with Bucky doing the same on his end, keeping it short, only noting the highlights and trying to keep his emotions in check and out of the updates. His best friend knew better, though, even if Bucky wasn’t fully aware of the extent of his feelings yet.

Bucky got up and walked around, looking through the photos and knick knacks in your living room, before stopping by the mirror behind your front door and checking his appearance. This look wasn’t what he was used to. He was extremely dressed down compared to the designer suit he’d likely be sporting in one of his clubs if he were back in the city. He hadn’t even bothered to gel his hair because it seemed you didn’t care when he did, plus, he wanted to save that valuable product for a real occasion, no use in wasting it to go slum with a bunch of hillbillies. He looked to the coatrack next to the mirror to see a hat that matched his boots perfectly and plopped it on his head, swaying side to side to see how it looked.

Just then, you started to make your way down the stairs but stopped in your tracks seeing Bucky in that hat. His head snapped up to look at you.

“What? Does this hat make me look dumb?”

You smiled and shook your head.

“No, not at all” Bucky could see tears well up in your eyes, accompanied by sparkles of fondness and, sadness?

“That was my uncle’s hat. He taught me everything I know”

“Oh, I’m so sorry” Bucky went to take the hat off but you stopped him.

“No- it’s okay. It looks good on you. Go ahead and wear it out tonight.”

Bucky looked back at you with a somber nod as you continued back down the stairs, taking a deep breath to settle the emotions that had nearly breached the surface.

Even in this state, you looked gorgeous. Hair flouncing in the breeze that was created as you drifted down the steps, wearing makeup he hadn’t seen since the first time you two had met and a sundress that blew him away. You were gorgeous in all states because you were you. Bucky looked down, kicking his feet, to pull his magnetic glance from you. He’s really gotta switch up the power dynamic here, and if there was one place Bucky could feel at home after a week of embarrassing himself, it was a bar. He grabbed the keys and you followed with an eye roll, getting into the passenger seat of your own truck. He didn’t even know where he was going, but he looked at you with a sly grin. Like for the first time, he had the upper hand, and that would only come from being anywhere but on your farm.

Bucky was a good driver, despite his statements about some guy named ‘Gio’ and grumbles about Sam, who you had met once before. Besides that, the drive was filled with laughs reminiscing all the mishaps he went through that week, well, mostly you laughing, and Bucky doing his best to hold a smirk from showing too obviously, his eyes narrowed at you in contrast.

The two of you pulled into town as you pointed Bucky towards a decent-sized building which housed the bar, still nothing compared to what he was used to. The two of you hopped down from the truck and walked through the front door, which jingled, signaling your entrance.

Bucky was greeted by the smell of old wood and stale beer, the dim atmosphere lit with old neon beer signs and fluorescent lights which hung over the pool tables. You looked back at Bucky as you crossed the threshold where he held the door for you.

“Hey, all I’m saying is, I bet you wouldn’t last a week in my world the way I did in yours.”

You rolled your eyes as you sauntered up to the bar, taking a seat at the corner, Bucky next to you, and a few more empty seats to the other side of him that would hopefully stay that way until Curtis came. As the two of you had walked up to the bar, you had seen a bunch of girls groups whose heads turned, seeing the stranger that was Bucky make his way across the floor. Why couldn’t he be ugly? And why did you let him wear that hat? Bucky didn’t even notice. His eyes were only on you, besides his trained peripheral vision catching the eyes of men whose heads turned towards, doing the same.

“Oh please, Bucket, you hardly made it through this week. I’ve never seen anyone cut their finger on wheat before. How did you even do that? You were literally up on the tractor… wheat should not have been anywhere near your hands, yet you came to me with several paper cut-looking marks. And what do you even do all day? Your hands have calluses but a totally different kind. You can hardly toss a hay bale a story high into the barn loft. I’m sure it wouldn’t be that hard for me to just sit at a desk, bark orders, and sign paperwork all day.”

Bucky’s mouth gaped open as he feigned offense and put his hand on his chest.

You flashed a fleeting smile at him in satisfaction as you waved down the

bartender ordering two shots of whiskey and two beers.

“Now just because that’s all you’ve seen me do for work, doesn’t mean that’s all there is to it.”

“Oh really? Please, Bucket, then be my guest…indulge me.”

“Well, if I told you, I’d have to kill you, so take that as one of the common requisites.”

He smirked at you, obviously more comfortable in this bar environment before your phone dinged and it was a message from Curtis.

Hey Y/N. So sorry, something came up at the shop. Rain check?

Yeah, no problem. Hope all is good, see you tomorrow?

Yep! Ty

“Well, looks like Curty boi isn’t joining us, so it’s just you and me, Bucko”

At that moment, the bartender set down the drinks in front of you and you and Bucky took a shot together, ordering an appetizer sampler platter to go with your drinks.

As the two of you nursed your beers, you joked more about Bucky’s farm mishaps and talked about all the men you had turned down from Bucky’s organization to get him out here.

“I’ve gotta be honest, I don’t know how you turned down both Sam and Steve. I’m hardly immune to their charms some days”

You laughed and threw your head back. “It’s not easy. They’ve both got these puppy dog eyes they make when I say ‘no’ to them, but they seemed pretty satisfied with the fact I wanted to see you in person.”

“And why exactly was that? You never quite said”

“Well, at first, it started as a way to delay the deal, but then I realized, if I’m going to be making some major changes to somewhere I consider a sanctuary, I wanna make sure it’s with the right partner” you nudged him with your elbow playfully and Bucky gave you a small grin. “But honestly, if I’m going to do something these days, I wanna do it at the source. I hate hearing important news from third parties, I mean, you’ve seen how I do business. It’s all me at the end of the day. Sure, Curtis helps out, but otherwise, it’s better to deal with things on my own and a few trusted people” you finished that statement breathless from your heated ramble. This didn’t go unnoticed by Bucky at all. Where did that come from? At first, to him, you were just another bug to be squashed in order to get more control over his industry, but did he care now? Did he truly care about what was upsetting you? What caused that hurt you were obviously tampering down? Does this have to do with Jakey?

Bucky hadn’t realized he said that last part out loud until you responded.

“No! Well, maybe? Like, sort of?”

“Can I ask? Can I ask what happened there? Only if you want to share”

“Um… yeah, sure, I guess. You’ve embarrassed yourself enough this week so I think you’ve earned this a little bit.”

You took a deep breath and began. “Jake and I grew up together. We met in kindergarten in school and were instantly close. We were the only two gifted kids in class, so the teacher sent us to the side for extra lessons while the rest of the class learned with her. From that point on, we were inseparable. Two smart little twerps who took on the world together, but our lives were so different. In middle school, I started to take on more responsibility on the farm and he started getting into computers, but we’d still see each other. In high school we started officially dating, and I was so happy to be with someone who I felt like intellectually got me. I think it was the same way for him, too. He’d crack such nerdy jokes, and no one got them but me”

You smiled nostalgically at the memory. “When our senior year came along and my uncle wasn’t doing that well, I applied to more local schools, but he didn’t. We had always talked about going off to college and living together, but he wanted that life to be far away from here, and I had obligations. I got into the local college on a full ride for agriculture and civil engineering, and he decided he’d rather go to MIT for computer science. I asked if he’d be willing to stay since he got into college around here, too, but he said he wanted to be around people who were ‘more like-minded to him.’ As if we hadn’t been the only ones who had understood each other for over a decade.”

Bucky gave you a sullen look as your head fell and you looked down at your hands. He signaled to the bartender for a water and two more rounds of shots.

“I just, I just didn’t understand how he could act like that after so long. So I asked him when he was leaving so I could see him off. We were still friends, after all, but he left without a word. When I saw him again over Christmas break that winter, I felt like he had turned into some overweening, highfalutin, jerkwad. I didn’t really know him anymore, and I had enough to focus on already, so I just kinda stopped talking to him. As you could see today, his mom still comes around, but it’s not really the same. I don’t think she ever really truly saw the way he changed, she’s too caught up in having a son who lives in Silicon Valley now, but apparently he still asks for stuff from the farmers markets.” You shrugged and thanked the bartender for the shots, pounding all four before you excused yourself to the restroom, leaving Bucky to sit there shocked.

He had known where you went to college and how smart you are, but things like what happened with Jake don’t show up on paper. However he clocked you before, you were even stronger than that, because despite how you were hurt, you still wore your heart in your sleeve and showed compassion to everyone around.

You washed your face and looked in the mirror. Sure, that experience with Jake sucked, but it’s been years and you were over it now. Didn’t mean it was fun to relive it all. You decided to go into one of the stalls, the alcohol already kicking in and making you have to pee. You sat down and that’s when you saw it: blood. So that’s the reason for the waterworks all day today. That’s why you felt so tired and couldn’t help tearing up at the slightest things. Luckily the girl in the stall next to you had some products. You cleaned up and washed your hands, forcing a smile in the mirror until it became real, honestly relieved at having a reason for your out-of-character behavior. You headed back out to Bucky in a much more chipper mood and he looked up at you with a quirked brow. He figured you’d taken the time you needed. He was appreciative of you being so open with him, and wasn’t going to question the switch-up since he was just so happy to see you being yourself again after a long day.

“Up for a game of pool, cowboy?”

“Oh, you’re signing up to lose, Honeybee”

“Ok, ok, best four out of seven” Bucky whined as you giggled, whiskey shots catching up to you as you held another beer bottle in your hand. Bucky was hardly affected, he essentially rocked this much alcohol in his system by noon on a daily basis. Just then, his phone rang, and he motioned to show you it was Steve. You gave him a thumbs up and started to rack the balls to set up for the next game.

You watched Bucky walk out the door as you felt a presence looming behind you. You turned around and stood up, eyes tracing up a body dressed in brown hues until you reached a set of blue eyes shaded by a cowboy hat brim.

“Oh, howdy, can I help you?”

“I sure hope so. Can I get you a drink? Two whiskey sours” the stranger yelled over to the bar.

“Oh, uh, thanks.”

“My name’s Cole, Cole Turner. What’s a pretty girl like you doing here all alone?”

He was handsome, there was no denying that, but something seemed off. You plastered your best fake smile on your face. You didn’t need a confrontation tonight, not in your favorite dress. You didn’t want to taint the memory of it because of some rando. Wait. Was he a rando? Where have you heard the name ‘Turner’ before? Before you could continue your train of thought, a waiter came over with your drinks. They were very sweet compared to what you’d had all night, just like his demeanor, which seemed like a thin veil over the surface. You tried to channel your drink’s energy into your words to sweetly reply until you could properly remember who he was through your alcohol-fogged mind.

“Oh, I’m not here alone. I’m here with a friend”

“Hate to break it to you sweetheart, but I don’t see anyone around. You up for a game?”

Before you could even open your mouth to respond, he grabbed a pool cue and made a move to break. After that, he was keeping a little too close to you constantly. You did your best to stay kind, but must’ve been sending the wrong signals as he asked you “You wanna get out of here? I’ve got a hotel room down the road.”

In an attempt to change the subject you asked “Oh, so you’re not from around here? What are you doing in town?” Looking towards the door hoping Bucky would be done with his update any minute now.

“Ah, I used to live around here. My family owns a string of dairy farms. I’m here to try and convince these small-town farmers to give up the land.”

Your eyes went wide. Luckily you were facing away from him. He was that Cole Turner. The one whose family ran a packaged beverage empire and prided themselves on squashing the little guy. You were lucky he didn’t seem to recognize you yet, as the last remaining competitor in town. The one he had probably come in to squash. Just then, lost in thought, you felt a hand snake around your waist and you flinched.

“Relax, Honeybee, it’s just me” Bucky whispered in your ear. Your shoulders visibly relaxed as you turned around and threw your arms around his neck, holding on for dear life. You pulled away, but not enough for Bucky’s hand to leave your waist, and looked between the two men, grabbing Bucky’s hat and placing it on your head immediately.

“Uh, James, this is Cole. He’s visiting town.”

Bucky reached out his hand Cole shook it. Cole took a large step back after, respecting the hat on your head, and, was he intimidated by Bucky’s stature? Sensing your discomfort, Bucky spoke up. “Nice to meet you. Shame we’re heading out now.”

You grabbed Bucky’s hand, not looking back, and headed straight to the door as quickly as your numb, wobbly legs would take you. Once you were met by the cool, crisp night air, you sighed in relief and rested your forehead on Bucky’s shoulder.

“Thank you for helping me get out of there”

He shuddered at your proximity and the comfort you felt in this type of contact. It felt natural and he never wanted it to stop. With a soft smile and a glance at the top of the hat, he said, “No problem, Honeybee. Let’s get home.”

He helped you get up into the cab of the truck, sliding you across the bench seat before he got in and started it up.

“So what was the deal with the hat? And that guy?”

You yawned and stretched, settling in against Bucky’s shoulder.

“Uh, when a girl takes a guy’s hat and puts it on her head, it means she’s going home with him. And don’t worry, I didn’t mean it like that, I just wanted that guy to get off my back. We can talk more about that later.”

You wiggled to get more comfortable, your hand still in Bucky’s as he used the other to steer the truck down the old country roads. Your eyes fluttered shut as you fell asleep on him. His eyes flickered between you and the road in the headlights ahead. He luckily had a good sense of direction and was able to remember how to get home from your instructions earlier.

When he pulled into your gravel driveway, your were sound asleep, softly snoring, drool having dripped onto his Henley, but he didn’t mind at all. He lifted you out of the truck and carried you up the steps, taking off your boots before tucking you into bed for the night.

Next >

Bonus A/N: so where I’m from, “Turner’s” really is a beverage empire and they make really good products. I just figured I can’t make a farm AU without putting Cole in it, no matter how inaccurate to character.

Series taglist:

@scuzmunkie

@openup-yourmind

[bensonoliviasstuff]

“Turning Page”

Chapter two! “ Loml”

Masterlist for “Turning Page”

Bucky Barnes x reader

Summary: Once Bucky regained consciousness and was no longer the Winter Soldier, all he missed from the 40s was his wife. But maybe she's closer than he thought.

Warnings: English is NOT my first language, so I'm sorry if there are too many errors. Futhermore i don't think there are many warnings, a little bit of angst, memory loss, betrayal, trauma, Insecurities and other things that you will discover throughout the story. And the best part: Thanos doesn't exist here

“Steve?” You said with a mixture of shock and joy. “Long time no see!”

Bucky frowned as he saw Steve smile at the beautiful nurse before them.

“I thought you were still in Washington” Steve flinched when you gave him a hug, squeezing the bruise that threatened to form on his rib.

“Did you get into another fight?” You said observing the dried blood on his cheekbone “Some things never change”

As you turned to grab the material you would use to clean Steve's face, Bucky discreetly elbowed his best friend before whispering. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your pretty friend?”

Steve rolled his eyes before you turned your attention back to him. “Y/N, this is Bucky, Bucky Barnes, I already told you about him” Steve pointed to his smiling friend next to him “Bucky, this is Y/N Y/L/N, my friend and ex neighbor since we were 16 .”

You looked up at Bucky and it seemed to him that things went in slow motion when you smiled, he almost didn't hear you when you said “Nice to meet you”.

He gave a slight shake of his head to regain consciousness and turned to Steve. “If you've been friends for so long, why have I never met this beautiful girl?” You gave a sheepish smile as you bandaged Steve.

“First: you would flirt with her exactly like you are doing now” You laughed softly and Bucky was sure that was how angels laughed. “Second: She went to nursing school in Washington a while ago, I didn’t know she had come back until now.”

“I'm sorry I didn't warn you, I came back a little while ago and things have been busy, but we'll see each other more often from now on.” You said, taking off your gloves.

“That’s a splendid idea” Bucky said, if you had gone to college maybe Bucky should start improving his vocabulary.

You smiled at him before turning to Steve “I finished, you can go, I have to do a blood draw, but let's plan to have a milkshake, I missed you” then you turned to Bucky. “I hope to see you again, Bucky Barnes.”

“You can count on it” He winked at you before you left the room shaking your head.

“Look, we've been friends for a long time, don't even think about it” Steve pointed his finger at Bucky who was smiling with hearts in his eyes. “I'm serious, if she doesn't want to be my friend anymore because I introduced you two, I'll break you”

Steve stood up and left, Bucky behind him muttering “It’s easier for her to break me” with a smile.

After that day, it was quite funny for you to see Bucky every day in the hospital with some mysterious illness that only you could treat.

Sometimes he would arrive saying he had a really bad migraine, sometimes he would arrive with a terrible stomach ache, all this when he didn't arrive saying he had a fever only for you to put your hand on his forehead and say his temperature was normal.

Your friends from work at the hospital were already more excited than you were, always talking about how that handsome man was wooing you.

You always laughed at these crazy ideas, for you he was just a flirt who flirted with all the girls, but you had to admit that you were starting to get attached to his visits to the hospital.

One day in particular changed your view of him.

Your duty was almost over, you had already changed your clothes and grabbed your bag to leave, Bucky hadn't come to see you today.

You were sad, you spent half of the duty wondering what could have happened, you had come to the conclusion that he had found another girl and lost interest in you.

You said goodbye to your friends and were leaning against the reception desk, looking for a hair tie in your bag.

You had found it and were finally tying up your hair when you heard a familiar voice call out to you.

You turned around and found Bucky a few feet away, holding a bouquet of colorful flowers.

Your friends who were behind the desk began to sigh and squeal excitedly, you placed a hand over your mouth, hiding the wide smile that was about to spread across your cheeks.

“Oh Bucky, what happened now?” You teased, crossing your arms against your chest. “Pollen allergy?”

He laughed, hiding his face behind the flowers. “Actually, miss, it's a very serious allergy to 'being away from you'” You blushed when he approached and your friends sang a chorus of “Ownnn how cute!”.

“This one should be easier to deal with” you said as he approached.

“There is only one treatment option” He said with conviction, making you laugh.

"And what would be?"

“You agree to go out with me” he said and extended the flowers towards her.

You took them and smiled “I would love to.”

“Exams state that she has some internal injuries that have not been treated correctly, her brain has been badly affected so she is going to be treated for the headaches that will definitely bother her for the rest of her life” Tony was listing while Steve and Bucky followed him towards the medical wing with quick steps.

“She's also going to need physical therapy because apparently her shoulder ligament was torn at least three times, and lastly most importantly…” Tony stopped in front of a door turning to Steve and Bucky with a hard look “She She hasn’t spoken a word since she opened her eye, we don’t know if she just didn’t want to talk or if there was something behind it.”

Bucky was shaking, he couldn't even imagine what your reaction would be like.

Tony opened the door and walked in, Steve was right behind him when Bucky pulled him out of the room.

“I don’t know if I should go” Bucky said unsure, Steve frowned.

“Bucky, she’s still your wife, why don’t you want to see her after so many years apart?” Steve grabbed his friend by the shoulders.

“That’s the point Steve, I want to see her more than anything, but what if she doesn’t want to see me?” Bucky asked nervously. “What if she doesn’t even remember me? What should i say? ‘Hi, I’m your husband, we’ve been married for almost eighty years, bizarre right’?” Bucky acted out to Steve. “I'm no longer the Bucky she fell in love with, I'm no longer the person who made her laugh until her stomach hurts, I haven't made anyone laugh in over seventy years” He said scratching the back of his head nervously.

“What if she doesn’t like the new Bucky? What if she doesn’t like sleeping hugged by a metal arm?” He raised his left hand, showing the wedding ring above the metal finger. “What if she doesn’t love grumpy Bucky?”

“What if she does?” Steve interrupted before he could continue. “What if she likes the metal arm? What if she starts to love annoying a Bucky who gets stressed about everything?”

Steve raised his arms, dropping them to his sides. “As far as I remember, the last time I saw her she even loved Bucky who was supposedly not alive.”

“She probably doesn’t remember that” Bucky ran a hand over his face.

“So make her remember, if today you remember so can she, you heard what the scientist said, she always ended up remembering you” Steve put his hand on the door “You haven't changed enough to have stopped loving her"

Steve entered the room, and Bucky unconsciously held his breath as he did the same.

You didn't see him right away, you were paying attention to what Tony was doing with the equipment next to you.

Bucky kept close to the door, thinking he could slip away without being noticed if he was lucky, but that was when you turned your head towards him.

It was exactly the same as when he saw you for the first time, your eyes met his and everything seemed to be in slow motion, if he ignored everything and just kept looking at you, he could easily believe that it was still the summer of 1941.

You didn't know why, but you couldn't look away, something about that man made you want to keep looking at him, his blue eyes were familiar to the butterflies in your stomach.

“Y/n... Do you know them two?” Tony pointed at Steve and Bucky.

You looked away from the man with blue eyes that made your stomach do somersaults and glanced at the blonde who was looking at you expectantly.

Something about him made you have a déjà vu about a smaller man.

You looked away from him and looked at Tony before he speaks: “That’s Bucky, and that’s Steve” You looked back at the men, you assumed the brunette was Bucky.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I know them” You apologized, seeing Bucky’s gaze drop as if you had just broken the news that someone had died. “I… I’m sorry, should I?”

“No, it’s okay” Steve said, with a sad smile.

Tony picked up a bag and placed it on the furniture next to him. “Here are some clean, comfortable clothes, I believe they are in your size, let’s wait outside while you change.”

Tony dragged the other two out of the room and started messing with something on his cell phone.

“Tony?” Bucky called cautiously, “Thank you for what you’re doing.”

“Don’t thank me” Tony looked up “We both know I still don’t like you”

Steve gave a weak smile at Tony's statement, Bucky nodded, raising his hands in surrender.

“But I know what I would feel if Pepper forgot about me” Tony looked away. “That’s why I’m helping.”

"I thank you for that"

The three looked to the door when they heard it open.

Bucky held his breath when you walked out of there wearing sweatpants and a “S.H.I.E.L.D” sweatshirt.

“Great, the clothes fit, now let’s go” Tony said, putting away his cell phone “That brunette over there is going to show you to your room”

“There are two bedrooms here” The real estate agent continued walking around the apartment. “This is where our Tour ends, I think it's the perfect apartment for you, it has a beautiful view of the city, it's close to the hospital where you work, and there's plenty of space for two people, or even three if you're thinking of start a family soon.”

You turned to Bucky with a smile on your face, the apartment was a bit trashed, but you could perfectly imagine everything you and Bucky would change in it to make it 'home'.

“What do you think, doll?” Bucky asked with a smile.

“I don’t think it could be more perfect”

This is the kitchen” Bucky said, showing the room that Tony made sure was empty.

After almost killing Tony and Steve for leaving him alone with you, he followed the path beside you, He tried a few times to make comments, but you just looked at him, smiled and responded with a nod.

He then stayed quiet, taking every opportunity he had to just keep his eyes on you, he would never pass up the chance to watch you bite your nails or bite your bottom lip, everything you did was like the best movie in the catalog for Bucky.

He watched with an adoring look as you walked around the kitchen, taking in every detail, you did the same in every other room, taking in everything and not saying a word.

“There are coffee grounds in the disposal” It was the first time you said anything since they left the hospital room.

Bucky gave the most genuine laugh he'd ever had since he could remember being Bucky Barnes, he felt so much joy over such a stupid comment because it sounded exactly like something you would say.

You couldn't help but smile at his laugh, something about that man made you feel like you couldn't avoid many things.

"Yes! Tony always complains about it, no one ever listens.”

You licked your lips, hiding your smile.

“The next thing I’m going to show you is your room” Bucky said, now smiling.

“Do I have a room?” you frowned when Bucky nodded like it was obvious. “Why are you being so nice?”

Bucky felt his heart beat faster, Is this when he says he loves you?

I mean...” you continued before he made a decision. That man in armor took me out of that horrible place, gave me medicine, did tests, and now you’re going to keep me sleeping here?” You shrugged your shoulders “You guys don’t even know me”

“This is what we do” he lied, it was all a lie, He never did for anyone what he would do for you “We help people who need help” lie, his brain screamed that he was lying, he knew you, he knows you, only he knows how you hate the dark and are afraid of needles even though you are a nurse, His heart screamed, asking him to tell you that only he knew you better than you knew yourself. “I would do this for anyone”

“Even by those you don't even know? What if I were dangerous?” You weren't, you asked him to kill every cockroach that ever appeared in your apartment, He knew you, it was killing him to be in front of you saying he didn't know who you were.

“I trust you” His vocal chords were trembling

“Why?”

“I feel like I should” Holy Ghost, you were the love of his life, even if he didn't want to he would trust you.

You stayed silent, looking at the man who looked like he was in physical pain with every word that left his mouth.

“I feel like I should trust you too” felt like the right thing to say.

Bucky felt all the fireworks in the world going off inside his stomach.

“I will prove to you that you can trust me” That was a promise, both for you and for him, at that moment he promised that he would win you over, just like he did the first time, You were the loss of his life for a long time, but now he would have you back

[joeyalohadream]

I was rereading the cooler fic last night (for the 1000th time) and i was wondering if there was a line or a few lines u could share from part 2 and how its coming along! (No intention to put pressure or anything at all) I adore ur writing 🩷🩷🩷🩷

Hi, anon!

Endlessly flattered that you've re-read it so many times!

Small WIP update: I threw out my back at work yesterday and am laid up for a few days. I'm feeling motivated and hoping to use the fact that I can't move much as an opportunity to write a lot!

But here's a small snippet from Part Two to wet your whistle while you wait for me to finish:

“What is it?” He watches as Gale picks at the cuticles around his thumbnail. It strikes him suddenly that the grime under Gale’s nails has been there for a while. It was there when he’d held those trembling fingers in his own the night before, which means it had probably been there since he’d been in isolation. Gale, who has been meticulous about cleanliness, about order and neatness since the moment he met him, is looking down at his dirty hands and he’s not bothered by them. The subtle changes Bucky has been noticing in his demeanor over the last twenty-four hours are starting to pile up.  He’d poked fun at Gale about his almost obsessive need to be hygienic a few months into their confinement. In one of his darker moments, it had made him angry watching Gale act as if such an unimportant thing mattered when they were suspended in such a meaningless state of inactivity. It hurts to remember the way Gale had shrugged off his harsh admonishment of this aspect of his character, not pushing back, just accepting the new normalcy of Bucky being subtly cruel. Right now, he wishes he could go back in time to their moment in the washroom and scrub the dirt from under each of Gale’s fingernails. Wishes he could help give him back something that seems to have been stolen from him in the recent weeks. He takes advantage of their solitude and reaches over the table to grasp Gale’s cold fingers, halting the abuse he had been dolling out on his delicate skin. “Talk to me, Buck. Something’s bothering you.” Red-rimmed blue eyes meet his and a small smirk plays over his lips. “A lots bothering me today, Bucky.” He gives the fingers in his a slight squeeze and the man they belong to a small smile. Between the cold and the hunger and the pain and the sickness, he knows that. But he also knows that there is something else, something maybe he could fix faster than those other ailments. “It’s stupid.” Gale sighs and shakes his head. “Let me be the judge of that.” “It’s selfish,” Gale shifts his gaze to their hands and hunches down in his chair. Bucky frowns at the top of his head. “You don’t have a selfish bone in your body, Buck.” Bucky wishes he did sometimes, because maybe then Gale wouldn’t feel the need to sacrifice his well-being so often. Gale stays silent but Bucky can see his jaw working, knows he’s contemplating his words and deciding whether or not he’s going to share them. “Please,” he leans over the table at the same time he pulls on Gale’s hand, lets his lips brush the cold skin over his knuckles. He smiles again, keeping his face open when those beautiful eyes rise to meet his again. “Before I went in,” Gale starts, voice low, pained. “You weren’t doing well.” Bucky winces internally at the understatement but stays silent, willing Gale to continue. “I tried to give you space and keep you close at the same time. But the only times I felt like you were really with me were when we were in our bunk. And some nights not even then.” Guilt is a vice around Bucky’s heart at the hurt in Gale’s voice. “You wouldn’t talk to the guys or help out or even get outta bed somedays.” Gale pauses, takes a shuddering breath that turns into a harsh cough that he turns into his own shoulder. Bucky looks on, helpless and feeling raw. It takes a minute for Gale to gain his composure and catch his breath enough to continue. “But now, you’re like the old you,” Gale clears his throat and looks back down at the table. “The way the guys were talking to you last night and this morning, I can tell you’ve been like that for a while now.” Bucky thinks back to the slow crawl he made through the metaphorical muck in his mind to get back to himself, to be what the men needed, to be what Gale would need when he finally came back to him. “It’s like I went away, and you got better,” Gale practically grinds the words out, voice whisper soft and Bucky’s heart breaks.

[middlingmay]

Request because I’m dying of near triple digit heart. Gale taking his shirt off and splashing himself to cool off and not realizing he has broken the rest of the 100th … especially Bucky

Hello! I don't know what 'dying of near triple digit heart' means, but I hope you're okay!!

I really enjoyed writing this one! It let me revisit my Recruiter!Gale and Student!Bucky AU, which is a very fun universe. Hope you like it!

John had spent the past few months in a sort of dazed acceptance of his unbelievable good luck. Not only had Major Gale Cleven of all people been chosen to do the recruitment drive at his college, but he’d actually said yes to John’s advances, more than delivered on the very high expectations John had set in his head, and had graciously accepted John’s number in the morning.

John had promised himself (not Curt; Curt knew he wouldn’t last) that he’d wait a whole three days to abuse the privilege of Gale’s number, but he’d cracked by sun down.

Not having as much fun tonight as I did last night. Thanks for making my college experience feel like a drag, now…

If he’d expected something flirtatious or raunchy in return, he would have been gravely disappointed.

You’ll survive.

Someone else may have been offended, but John just snorted into his pillow and gamely stuck his hand down his pants, reliving their night together.

They texted and and off; not every day, but a few times a week. John made increasingly ridiculous attempts to flirt to see if he could get Gale to break (he couldn’t), and Gale sent brief messages wrought with dry humour, and to John’s surprise, photos. He may not be a verbose man, but Gale always sent John a photo from his day: the front cover of a book he was reading, a seriously fancy dessert at some swanky joint, a particularly pretty sunset, and, a few weeks in, a photo of Gale in the mirror, focusing on his long legs with the message: Goddamn hate ironing. Are my seams straight?

John had nearly called off his night with Curt and the rest of the team after that one.

They escalated to phone calls once every week or two, depending on their schedules. Gale had trouble sleeping sometimes and John’s voice lured him to sleep more than once. And Gale had a way of pulling Bucky out his own head and making him forget all the stresses of college and the team just for a while.

He also had the single most delicious, sinful voice John had ever heard, and because he had very little filter to begin with, he told Gale that. He’d chuckled low and rumbling down the phone.

“Is that right?”

“Mhm.”

“Well what you gon’ do about it, then?”

John’s friends were sick of hearing about Gale, and only Curt’s assurances had them believing he was even real, he sounded so perfect.

“I’ve never been so single,” Crosby had lamented one day. “And you’re not even in a relationship.”

And that had been a thought. It had stuck with John for days until he next spoke to Gale on the phone.

“Hey, uh, can I ask you something?”

“You do. Frequently and often.”

“He’s hilarious,” he said as Gale laughed. “No, but, uh, what—um, what do you—oh for fuck sake John—”

“John.” Gale cut off his flagellating rambling. “I’ve never heard you struggle to say anything. Just spit it out.”

So he did. “What do you want? From this? Is it just like, flirting, or friendship, or…what?”

Gale gave a thoughtful hum on the other end. “Well we are friendly.” John’s stomach dipped in disappointment. “But I also don’t tend to listen to my friends come as I talk to them on the phone, so.”

John shoved a pillow over his face and moaned. “’uck ‘oo.”

“Right back atcha,” Gale drawled happy. “But I, uh…wouldn’t mind, you know. Taking you on a date, this time.”

John threw the pillow to the floor, revealing a beaming grin showing nearly all his teeth. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

So, whenever Gale had a pass from base or a day or two off, he and John would try to spend time together. Sometimes Gale travelled to him, sometimes John came closer to Gale, but they’d find some time to go on honest to God dates: the movies, long walks, dinner. When John learned that Gale loved animals, he arranged for them to go down to a local shelter to spend the day meeting the animals and helping out. Curt had looked at him like he was crazy (“That ain't a date, Bucky, that’s a shift.”). But Gale didn’t stop smiling the whole time and had looked at John like he was the stars in the sky. When Gale admitted he knew nothing about baseball and John had been legitimately speechless, Gale had bought them tickets to a game and let John narrate the whole thing to him, patient as a saint.

But, one thing they hadn’t done since that first night, was sleep together.

In a rare moment of insecurity, John had asked Gale if anything was wrong, and of all things, Gale got embarrassed. But he rushed to reassure John all the same.

“Nothing’s the matter, John, I promise.” He looped one of John’s curls at the back of his neck around his finger. “It’s just—”

“Just what?”

“Just, now this could really be going somewhere, I want to do it right. Court you proper.”

Curt would have laughed himself sick if he heard, but all John wanted to do was climb this man like a tree and kiss the life out of him. But he wouldn’t He couldn’t. He would be respectful, because he was being courted.

John had invited Gale for the weekend to his folks’ place on Lake Michigan. They were away for some kind of work trip, and he and his friends were travelling up there to relax and get away from campus. They’d teased John when they found out Gale was coming (“Sure you want us there, Bucky? Not prefer a romantic evening for two?” “Gonna cockblock the hell out of you, I promise.” “I still don’t think he’s real!”). But they all shut the hell up when Gale had walked through the door of the Egan’s summer house, all golden skin, swept back hair, a well-made, well-tailored linen shirt, shorts that hit well above the knee, and a set of aviators on.

“Fucking Christ.”

“That’s what I said.”

“Is he real?”

“That’s what I said.”

“Can I touch him?”

“Hey!”

Gale took it all in good stride, and was hastily introduced to everyone as they all scrambled to get ready to head down to the beach.

Gale, it turned out, loved the beach. Although shyer in front of others, he’d been almost solicitous on the way down. His hand brushed against Bucky’s back, he asked after his classes and practice. He even made sure John was happily situated on a towel with some shade to protect his pale, freckled skin when he’d demurred off heading into the water right away.

“You mind if I head in? Hot after the drive and the water looks nice…”

It cost Gale a quick peck, but John allowed it.

And because no man went into the water fully dressed, Gale made swift work of his shirt and his shorts, stripping down to a very nice set of pale blue swim shorts. He scrubbed John’s head once with his hand before diving into the water.

John was still recovering from the minor striptease when Gale emerged from under the waves. He watched the muscles in Gale’s strong back and broad shoulder flex and glisten as he glided through the water.

“Damn it, Bucky,” Crosby grinned next to him. “People literally write books about guys like him.” And being an English Lit major, Crosby would know.

Laying next to John, Brady had slid his sunglasses down his nose for uninterrupted viewing. “You kinda just want to lick him.”

Benny hummed, and at that moment Gale—who’d swam a bit further in—stood up so the water just tickled his waist. With both hands he swept the wet, clinging strands of hair off his face, showing off his biceps and the taught lines of his waist and stomach.

Curt whistled. "You lucky bastard, Egan."

Droplet after errant droplet tumbled down from those locks. They dripped off long golden lashes, over plump full lips. They ran a teasing line down his strong, angular neck and into collarbones that had no business being so damn biteable. They pebbled the skin of his chest and led down, down, down to that golden trail, and to…

“Oh my God. He needs to stop. Is that illegal? It has to be illegal?”

John had never agreed with Benny more. Maybe it was having that first taste of Gale and then going so long without it, but John didn’t think he’d ever seen anything so attractive and beautiful and brain-meltingly alluring in his entire life. The things he wanted to do.

“You coming, John?”

“Hm, what?” John snapped his eyes back up to Gale’s.

“Water’s real nice. Come join me.”

That damn smile. John wanted to leap off his towel and run full pelt down to the water and tackle Gale until they were both wet through. But, thanks to Gale’s display and John’s traitorous body, he’d have to wait. Because this was a public beach, and if he stood up, John would get arrested.

“Uh…” he crossed his legs, carefully. “Just gimmie, like, five minutes?”

They boys didn’t let him forget it for the rest of the day; wouldn't for the rest of the semester.

But the joke was on them. Because when they finally went to bed, Gale bunking in with John, and John had offered to take the little couch in the room, Gale had shut him up with a hand in his hair and a kiss so thorough he’d literally gone weak in the knees, and Gale’s other hand cinched around his waist was all that kept him standing.

Gale kissed his lips to John’s ear, placing tiny, sparking kisses all along the shell until he reached the lobe and traced it with his tongue and sucked on it and gave it a little bite, before he murmured, “Oh, I think we can share, tonight. Don’t you?”

[siancore]

SamBucky | E | 2.7k | AO3

Summary: Steve doesn't deserve Sam. He doesn't want Sam as much as Bucky does. Bucky knows this, and now he will get the chance to show Sam.

Content: Anal Sex; Rimming; Tender Railing; Not Steve Rogers Friendly; Language

A/N: Written because of this conversation. Dedicated to @jemgirl86

The hushed sounds can be herd through the walls of the bathroom. Bucky thinks it sounds like Steve and Sam are having a disagreement, but he cannot be sure. Their ‘relationship’ has been tumultuous from the get-go and he has often found himself present with Steve when Sam and the former are at odds.

Bucky combs his hair and muses that Sam deserves better. Better than his friend who will not commit. Better than not being at the center of the whole entire universe. Bucky has certainly had enough of watching Steve put Sam through this farce of a relationship; he can only assume Sam has had enough, too. With a sigh, Bucky checks himself over in the mirror and then exits the bathroom, making a beeline for the common living area he shares with Steve.

There, he finds Sam sitting on the small sofa and Steve standing near the door. The tension between them is palpable. Steve looks apologetic, Sam looks annoyed.

“Everything alright?” asks Bucky of Sam.

“It’s fine, Buck,” says Steve firmly.

“Ask your friend,” Sam replies at the same time.

Steve sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose before saying, “I’m not doin’ this right now, Sam.”

“Nah, of course you’re not,” Sam replies. “You’re runnin’ off to get your dick wet somewhere else, uh?”

Steve narrows his eyes, grabs his jacket from the hanger, and says, “This thing between us ain’t that deep and you know it. You know that. Christ just grow up, Sam.”

He then walks out of the door and slams it behind him. Bucky looks from the door to Sam as Sam gets up from the sofa and rushes into the nearest bedroom, closing the door behind himself.

…..

“Sammy?” Bucky calls out as he raps gently on the door. “You okay?”

He hears some mumbling from the other side.

“Can you unlock the door, please?” he asks. “It’s my room, remember?”

There comes the sound of footfalls and then the click of the lock. Bucky turns the doorknob and pushes it open. He finds Sam standing there looking annoyed.

“You okay?” asks Bucky, reaching out to place a comforting hand to Sam’s upper arm.

“Yeah,” Sam replies, placing his hand over Bucky’s and giving it a squeeze. “I am so fucking done with Steve. He’s a dick.”

Bucky nods his head and then closes the door behind them.

“I know you’re not exclusive. I know he runs between you and Peggy. I know that’s not what you want.”

He sees the pang of hurt flash in Sam’s eyes before Sam drops his head.

“He’s not good enough for you.”

Sam looks up through his long, pretty lashes. There’s the hint of a question forming there. Bucky keeps talking.

“He doesn’t want you like I do.”

“Wh- what?”

Bucky lets out a little amused laugh and says, “Come on, Sammy. You gotta know how much I want you.”

There is a change in the air as it is suddenly filled by tension. Of all of the words Bucky has wanted to say to Sam; every confession that ends up stuck in his throat. Of all of the deep feelings swirling around inside of him. All of the late nights spent awake because he cannot shake Sam from his mind. The aching in his chest because he cannot remove Sam from his heart. There is a change in the air and they both feel it.

“Well,” asks Sam nervously, his pupils dilated. “What were you waiting for?”

“For you to give me a chance,” Bucky replies.

“A chance for what?”

“To show you how much,” he says while reaching his hand up and cupping Sam’s face.

He can feel the slight tremble as he holds Sam’s jaw. Sees how Sam’s lashes flutter against his cheeks as his eyes almost close. Can feel the heat of Sam’s breath as he ghosts his thumb over Sam’s parted lips. Feels his own heart hammering in his chest in anticipation.

“Show me,” Sam whispers softly against the pad of his thumb and Bucky almost doesn’t hear him.

“What’d you say, Baby?” he asks.

“Show me,” Sam repeats. “Show how much you want me.”

Bucky smiles, then. That is all it takes to cement in Bucky’s mind that this is going to happen. He is going to have Sam; to show him what real want feels life. He moves closer, keeping his steely gaze fixed on Sam’s.

Bucky knows what he must look like to Sam, the moment Sam’s eyes widen as he crowds his space and backs him against the wall. He must look feral with want as a look of abandon and pure lust covers his handsome face.

Sam bites his lip and Bucky’s eyes track the movement. He rubs his thumb over the spot, causing Sam to release his lip from between his teeth, just before Bucky leans in and takes Sam’s willing mouth in a kiss.

Bucky’s gluttony for Sam leads him to swipe his tongue along his lips to deepen the kiss. Sam takes it in stride, matching Bucky’s fervor as he sucks on Bucky’s eager tongue and melts into the kiss. Bucky holds Sam in place. They spend some time exploring each other’s lips before pulling apart, breathless.

Bucky cups Sam’s face and stares into his eyes before saying, “I knew you’d taste sweet.”

Sam giggles – fucking giggles – as he dips his head slightly and looks up through his lashes.

“I’m not always sweet,” says Sam as he bites his lip once more.

Bucky smiles at him and says, “I know.”

Then, he brings his lips to Sam’s jaw, pressing kisses right up to his ear, before trailing them down to his neck. Bucky’s hand slides down to the curve of his neck, his thumb resting over Sam’s pulse point, as he bites and laps at the skin there. Sam lets out a needy moan that goes straight to Bucky’s dick.

“God, you’re so fuckin’ hot, Sammy. You know that, right?” asks Bucky, scorching against Sam’s skin.

Sam’s hand comes down to cup Bucky through his sweatpants before he says, “I know you’re hot for it.”

Bucky covers Sam’s hand with his own, guiding him down the length of his hardening cock as both of their breaths hitch.

“Let me show you,” says Bucky.

Sam swallows hard and nods his head before saying, “Yeah. Yes, please.”

Their lips come crashing together in a desperate, heated kiss, as Bucky’s hands move to Sam’s ass. He lifts Sam and wraps his legs about his waist, not breaking the kiss. Sam clings to him as he carries him toward the bed and lays him down. Bucky covers Sam’s form with his own as he settles between Sam’s legs.

“You want this, right?”

“Yes, Buck. I want this. I want you.”

Bucky gives Sam’s lips one more kiss before he leans back onto his knees and then shuffles off the end of the bed. He pulls his shirt over his head, keeping his eyes locked onto Sam who mirrors him. Bucky steps out of his sweats before helping Sam to remove his pants. His eyes roam hungrily over Sam’s body and his smooth, dark skin. Sam is breathtaking. Bucky can’t look away.

“I knew it,” says Bucky as he climbs back onto the bed, placing his hand to Sam’s thigh.

“Knew what?” asks Sam, looking somewhat shyly at the other man.

Bucky leans down, presses a kiss to Sam’s thigh, and says, “I knew you’d be perfect all over.”

He kisses his way up to Sam’s abs, sucking and biting as he goes. Sam threads his fingers through Bucky’s hair and relishes in the feeling of his lips and teeth; the way his stubble drags across Sam’s skin. The way his hardness rests against Sam’s thigh. A shiver courses through Sam’s body as Bucky kisses his chest and then makes his way back up to capture his lips in another searing kiss.

“Can I fuck you?” Bucky whispers against Sam’s lips. “Wanna fuck you raw, Baby.”

Sam moans and tightens his grip on Bucky’s hair before saying, “Yes, shit yes. Do whatever you want.”

Bucky smiles against Sam’s lips before kissing him hungrily. Then, he pulls back, dragging Sam’s lip between his teeth. His hands find Sam’s hips as he flips him over onto his hands and knees. He runs his palm over Sam’s plump ass, tracing the delicious curves, admiring the stark difference of their complexions.

He cups Sam’s ass with both hands, an appreciative growl slipping from his lips as he spreads Sam’s cheeks and sees his pretty, puckered hole. He licks his thumb, presses it to Sam’s opening, and watches it pulse as if to draw Bucky in. Bucky salivates at the sight. He leans down and presses his tongue to Sam’s hole, eliciting a pleasured moan from the other man. He licks and sucks at Sam’s entrance, while reaching between his legs to take hold of his dick.

Sam curses out loud and grips the sheets as Bucky alternates between eating his ass and sucking his cock from behind. He wants to worship Sam; to revere him. He wants to show him exactly what he has been dreaming of doing for the longest time. How he has wanted to taste Sam. How he has wanted to take Sam apart.

He pulls off of Sam’s cock and gives him a few more strokes before rubbing his finger over Sam’s hole once more. He places wet kisses to Sam’s back as he reaches over him grab the lube from his nightstand. He kneels behind Sam and uncaps the lube, pouring a hefty amount onto his fingers. He takes a moment to warm up the substance before pressing the pad of his finger to Sam’s opening.

“Hmmm,” Sam moans as his hole pulses again, as if trying to pull Bucky in.

“Fuck,” says Bucky, as his cock is set harder still.

He grips hold of Sam’s hip and teases his entrance. Sam whimpers, almost pleadingly, as Bucky circles his hole. His cock leaks precum onto Bucky’s duvet as he rocks backward, trying to get Bucky to press into him.

“You want more?” asks Bucky, to which Sam moans in the affirmative.

Bucky give’s Sam’s ass a squeeze and says, “Alright. I got you, Baby.”

With that, he eases a finger inside of Sam’s tight heat. Sam is so hot. Takes his fingers so well. Bucky’s cock pulses out of jealousy. He adds another finger and begins to work Sam open. His moans urge Bucky on. The way he clenches around Bucky’s fingers spurs him forward. He curls them deftly and Sam calls out his name. Bucky almost comes then and there. Instead, he takes a deep breath and continues to finger fuck Sam’s pliant little hole.

Sam spreads his legs wider and rocks back, trying to take more of Bucky. Begging with his body and his needly little whines. It’s almost too much for the both of them. Sam, being taken care of, and Bucky, watching Sam take what he needs.

“Fuck, Baby, you’re pretty like this,” Bucky whispers, low with lust.

“More, please,” Sam manages as he fucks himself back onto Bucky’s lithe fingers. “Please, Buck.”

Bucky curls his fingers once more, eliciting another pleasured yelp from Sam, before removing them. Sam almost cries at the loss. Instead, he turns around to look at Bucky. What he sees nearly makes him pass out. The sheer want in his gaze. The darkness of his eyes. The need therein.

Bucky holds Sam’s gaze as he slicks his cock and then presses his large crown against Sam’s hole, open and willing. He places his knees behind Sam’s, pushes inside, and both of their mouths fall agape from the searing heat. Sam’s head drops to his forearms as Bucky’s eyes roll closes.

“Fuck, Sammy,” Bucky breathes as he bottoms out.

“Jesus, Buck,” Sam whimpers as he spreads his legs farther apart, pulling Bucky in deeper.

Bucky swears he sees stars as he withdraws to his hilt, and then snaps his hips forward. Both men let out deep, guttural moans as Bucky thrusts inside of Sam again and yet again. Chasing the moans that are almost drowned out by the forceful sound of damp skin smacking against damp skin. Bucky watches as his thick cock slips in and out of Sam’s pretty hole over and over for as long as he can.

He needs to see Sam’s face. He needs to see him. Bucky fucks into him a few more times with more fervor, before he pulls out, grips Sam’s hips, and rolls him to his back. Sam reaches for Bucky and pulls him down into a wet, desperate kiss. Their bodies mesh together, slick from sweat, chests heaving with each pant. Bucky slides against Sam, pressing Sam’s hardness deliciously against his firm abs. Sam moans into the kiss as he wraps his legs around Bucky’s hips. Bucky reaches between them, takes his dripping cock in his hand, and slides back inside of Sam. He kisses away their moans and begins to fuck Sam once more.

He is truly beautiful like this, Bucky finds the presence of mind to realize, as he rocks on top of Sam. As they hold one another and take their pleasure. In this moment where nothing else matters but what they are feeling.

Sam’s composure crumbles first as Bucky strikes at his spot just right. He clenches his thighs tighter, pulling Bucky deeper, and then he comes hard, with thick, white ribbons coating both of their chests and abs. Sam’s pulsing around Bucky’s cock pulls his orgasm from him. Bucky tenses a beat and then fills Sam with his seed. Both men collapse in a sweaty heap and fight to catch their breaths. Bucky kisses Sam’s damp brow as he slips his spent cock out of Sam.

After a moment, Bucky goes to get a warm, wet towel and returns to his bedroom. He finds Sam lying on his stomach with one leg bent at the knee. He’s stunning as he lies there coming down from his climax. Bucky stares a moment longer, his cock twitches at the sight of his come dribbling from out of Sam’s well-fucked hole.

“I got you,” says Bucky as he begins to clean Sam gently; Sam allows it, relishing in that feeling of being taken care of.

When Bucky is pleased with his efforts, he pats Sam’s ass and says, “Hop up a sec, let me change the covers. We made a mess.”

Sam looks at him and says, “Dude, I don’t think I can stand after that.”

Bucky lets out a little laugh, reaches out a hand, and helps Sam to his feet. He wraps his arms around Sam’s waist and stares into his eyes. They share a soft, chaste kiss before holding one another and swaying together.

…..

Later, the sheets are clean, and Sam and Bucky are spooning in the bed, sated and happy, with a movie playing on Bucky’s laptop. Bucky runs his hand up and down Sam’s arm and peppers soft little kisses to his neck.

“I meant what I said before,” says Bucky, causing Sam to pause the movie and roll over to face him.

“What?” Sam asks as he tucks Bucky’s hair behind his ear.

“Steve,” Bucky starts. “He isn’t good enough for you. You deserve better. You deserve better than to be held at arm’s length. Treated so fuckin’ casually. You deserve the world.”

Sam’s breath catches at the sincerity behind Bucky’s words. He reaches his hand down to cup Bucky’s chin, resting the pad of his thumb in the small dimple there.

“And you wanna be the one who gives it to me?” asks Sam, almost afraid of the answer.

“If you’ll let me,” Bucky whispers in reply. “Doesn’t have to be today or tomorrow. I’m not makin’ assumptions because we had sex. If you need time, I’ll wait for you until you’re ready.”

“Really?” asks Sam.

“Yes, really,” Bucky supplies in earnest. “I care about you, so fucking much.”

“I care about you, too,” says Sam before leaning in to kiss Bucky’s lips. “Will you really wait until I’m ready?”

“Yes,” Bucky promises with a kiss to Sam’s brow; a promise of a future together; a promise of care and consideration. “You are so worth it, Sammy. You are so worth the wait.”

[johnslittlespoon]

sorry i dont know how to be happy...and slight cw for implied sexual harassment feel free not to post this <3

but. bucky having a close call incident with one of the guards in the camp- the first person he runs into after *isn't* gale but the get the vibes of what happened and know they need to get *him* to gale asap. and gale is so angry and hurt but tries so hard to push it down to comfort him </3 his poor sweet boy has been strugglig enough and really didn't need one more thing. sobbing in gale's big arms telling him he's sorry, gale rocking him shushing him telling him he has not one thing to be sorry for he didn't do anything wrong.

giving me angst asks is so dangerous rn while i'm still in post–finale grief lmfaoooo count your days (buckle in, i think this is gonna get lengthy and i should probably just write a oneshot bc i have many thoughts but we'll see) (and yeah, cw for assault)

vv

i haven't seen anyone talk about this happening to john (might've just missed it tbf) and in a way i get it, because y'know gale is 'visually' more likely to be a target of things like that and we don't see what he goes through at the camp before john gets there, but i'm also surprised that i haven't seen more posts talking about it the other way around because i mean john literally comes into camp with a reputation, we see it right off the bat when the interrogator basically calls him on being a man whore lol.

i can see guards (hypocritically, bc they'll turn around and hurl slurs in the next breath) making offhand comments and passes at him, "nothing that i can't handle" when one of the others catches it happening one day, and the way john is so nonchalant about it makes them wonder how often it happens.

but one day a guard doesn't like the way he mouths off at them when they say something gross to john, and it results in john being shoved to the ground with the guard atop his back in a quiet corner of the camp, and he doesn't even hear half of what's being said because his ears start ringing and all he can remember is the feeling of the cold cobble street beneath his face and the shouts of the riot around him.

vaguely registers the guard moving to feel him up, his skin crawling, bile rising in his throat, but it only takes a few seconds before someone else is approaching and the guard jumps up so as to not cause suspicion. john drags himself back to his feet in a daze, stumbling away in the general direction of his block with his head buzzing, flinches hard when he feels a hand on his arm but realizes it's just brady looking at him with concern, brady who'd caught the guard on top of him.

gale looks up from his bunk when the door opens and he sees brady ushering john in, watches brady sag with relief when he sees gale's there, and gale only has to glance at john to know something's happened, rolls out of his bunk immediately and looks at brady in alarm. he sees red when brady tells him how he'd found john, but john is staring into a corner of the room and he knows anger isn't what he needs right now, so he swallows it down, moves to stand in front of john instead as brady leaves the room, reaching up to cup his face in his hands.

john's eyes move to look at him, but he's not really looking at him, until gale murmurs a "hey, you're okay", brushing his thumbs over john's cheekbones, and then he watches john crumble and his heart sinks. and maybe any other day, john wouldn't break like that, but gale knows he's already had a hell of a week and whatever went down must have been the final nail in the coffin because as soon as he's led john to the closest bunk, john's collapsing into his arms and he can feel hot tears against his neck and gale feels sick and has to keep swallowing to fight his own tears back.

he can feel how tense john is in his arms, like he's still trying to hold back from really showing his emotions even now, and gale pets his hair, assures him it's okay, "you don't have to hide from me, bucky." and his heart shatters when he starts getting whispered apologies through hiccuped sobs where john's face rests on his chest, gale shaking his head immediately, promising him that he has nothing to be sorry for, squeezing him tighter as he rocks him gently.

gale thinks about all the different ways he'd like to go out and murder that guard, almost scaring himself with the aggression he feels, but he shoves it down so john doesn't pick up on the red–hot anger, focussing that energy on holding john tight and whispering words of comfort until the sobs become quiet shudders, feeling him finally, slowly start to relax in his arms.

(gale probably hears john huff out a shaky little laugh when he tells him "that guard better sleep with one eye open until we get out of here" because the thought of gale actually being violent is laughable to him; he doesn't realize how much gale would really do for him, how much it hurt gale to see him stumble into the room like that.)

i definitely want to properly tackle this concept in a oneshot someday so forgive me for being vague in some areas, i don't wanna fully brainrot it out and then not feel the need to write something longer about it, you feel? <3 but hopefully this is sorta what you were envisioning. they both deserved better :(

[buckyalpine]

always you’s angst only ending … feed us a tiny lil drabble of maybe bucky not stopping until he and bruce and maybe even shuri (cause bby’s the smartest) find a way to bring her back?

like he enters the portal, scoops up her body, and kisses her back to life. then throws her over his shoulder, locks her in his bedroom, and makes love to her for like a week straight.

“she’s barely been back for a month- AND SHE’S ALREADY PREGNANT?!”

- ur local angst slut who’s actually hella sensitive and cannot handle this shit, gossip girl 💋

Always you angst alternative ending 

18+

Okay YES, if your a pure angst fiend, you may ignore this but I'm here to mend hearts from the sadness that was this fic.

Warnings: Angst, FLUFFFFFFF, Smuuuttttt, happy ending 

5 years later

Bucky refused to accept you being gone. He tried to heal, going to therapy, grief counselling, medication, writing letters, everything under the fucking sun to help him come to terms with the fact that he’d never see you again. 

It was impossible.

It ate him alive.

He was physically stronger, pouring all his time into the gym to find a way to numb the pain but he was more mentally fucked than ever.

It had been 5 years, nearly 6 and the raw pain he felt was still fresh. Every night, he'd wake up searching for you. He couldn't let go, holding onto the pieces you had left behind. He wrote to you as often as he could, keeping a locked diary of things he wanted to tell you, letters he knew no one would see but what else could he do when he wanted to talk to you so badly but you weren’t there. 

That didn’t stop him from finding a way to pour his heart and soul somewhere. 

_________________________________

Happy Birthday babygirl,  I wish I could wake you up with kisses today, tell you how special the world is with you in it, make you pancakes, feed you in bed because I know you’ll cuddle up in the sheets until noon. Buy you a pretty dress, take you out, maybe even go dancing, even if its just me and you and Steve’s playlist of songs from the 40′s. I’d hold you close to me all night until your feet were sore or until Tony told us to turn the cheesy music off. 

I know he secretly ships us (Peter taught me that word) 

If it were up to Stark, he’d throw you the biggest birthday party ever; that wouldn’t stop me from trying to sneak you away for some more birthday kisses. birthday cuddles. Birthday sex...is a new song Sam introduced me to. 

I wanted to do so much with you today sweet girl. Show you how much I love you on your special day. I should have shown you before it was too late. I regret it every single day. I’d give anything for just another day, just so you’d know. 

It was always you. 

Steve brought you some flowers today, Sam brought some balloons. I hope you see them from wherever you are. It’s not the same without you here angel.

We miss you baby. 

I miss you. 

Till we meet again,  JBB 

_________________________________

Hi Baby, I know it’s not a special occasion, I have no real reason to write today. I missed you though. I wanted to tell you about how I jumped out of a plane today and all I could think of is how much you would have laughed because I didn’t use a parachute. You’re laugh is the sweetest sound in the world and I’d give anything to hear it just one more time.

Sam recorded it all, you would have been the first person he showed the footage to. I’d probably ignore you both and then you’d probably tease me about being grumpy and I’d want a kiss to feel better. And a hug. Maybe some cuddles. Please? 

Also you’d be proud of me today, Red Wing broke and it wasn’t my fault. Promise. I even apologized to Sam after but he doesn’t think I’m being sincere. And I’m not because red wing is a little shit. So is Sam. 

I miss you sweets. I wish you were here. It hurts. Everything hurts. 

I hope we meet again. I’ll never let you go. 

Yours, JBB

_________________________________

My y/n,

I’m sorry. I should have told you. I regret it everyday. I’ll never stop trying to find a way to get you back. 

I love you,

JBB

_________________________________

It’s been almost 6 years. It still hurts.

Till we meet again, JBB

_________________________________

I can’t anymore. I need you back. 

JBB

_________________________________

There were some days where Bucky was able to focus, writing as much as he could, spilling all of his feelings onto the paper, a tiny part of him hoping that one day he’d be able to give you all his letters so you’d know you were all he could think of. 

Then there were the days where sobs tore through his body, his breathing labored, only managing to scribble three words before crumbling into a dark abyss. Bucky wracked his brain every single day; if you were able to go back once, there had to be a way to get you back again. Bruce and Tony had spent countless hours in the lab trying to find a way to reopen the portal but nothing led to you. 

*****

Bucky stared at his burner, pressing call and ending it before it could go through multiple times before finally letting it ring. There was only one other person he could turn to. He knew he wasn’t going to be immediately welcomed back into Wakanda but this wasn’t just about him. Everyone wanted you back. Nothing was the same without you there. If there was a 1% chance to get you back, he had to try. His chest felt tight as the jet landed in a secluded area having arranged a private meeting with Shuri, the one person he trusted with his life. 

"I-I have a favor to ask" Bucky's eyes were already pleading with her, his heart racing as he approached her, ready to fall on his knees. 

"Anything Sergeant Barnes" Shuri smiled, sensing he was there for something urgent, nodding for him to continue. There was zero hesitation as she immediately agreed to come back with him to try and get you back, bringing her own lab equipment with her so she could work with Bruce. After filtering through a number of timelines and timestamps, she’d managed to pinpoint the portal to find you but it wasn’t without its consequences. 

“You understand you may not return” Shuri whispered as Bucky threw on his tactical gear, insisting on getting you all on his own while rest of the team watched in pin drop silence, reluctantly letting him go alone “And y/n...we can get her back but there's a chance she may not...” 

She squeezed his hand before he stepped onto the platform, not wanting to finish the sentence but he already understood. He knew it was possible he’d find you again but it didn’t mean he’d find you alive. 

“Then at least I get to say goodbye” He gave her a strained smile; he had to bring you home one way or another. If this was how he had to go, he would run happily to his death; he’d be at peace knowing he died trying to find you. With the push of a button, he was instantly thrown into a warp, transported to where you had last been with Nat. Everything came to a halt as he found himself at an abandoned hydra base, the cold nipping his skin. Bucky blinked, his vision focusing on the fuzzy figure laying on the ground, his feet moving before he could process anything. 

There was no one else around. 

It was you. 

His doll. 

His y/n.

He sprinted to you, tears clouding his vision as he approached you, dropping to his knees, both fear and hope fighting for dominance. He found you. You were there. But would he ever actually get you back? Were you even breathing? 

“Y/n?” Bucky cradled you to him, scooping you in his arms and chasing the portal that had already began to close. He held your face to his neck, his metal hand protecting your head, holding you securely against his body as you both fleshed back to the present. 

The team gasped as he appeared on the platform again with you safely tucked in his arms. They didn’t dare move, everyone holding their breaths while Bucky laid you down with you still in his arms, his hand softly stroking your cheek. 

“Y/n? Doll?” His heart was beating erratically, your skin was warm, a glimmer of hope burning stronger as he gently shook you, pressing his cool metal hand against your face. “Please” 

“C’mon doll, come back to me baby, I have so much I need to tell you” He pleaded, his warm breath fanning against your face, tears brimming his eyes. Tony and Steve itched to whisk you off to the medbay while Sam silently shook his head, wanting to give Bucky an extra minute, hoping you’d be able to wake up in the super soldiers arms where you belonged. 

“Baby, wake up sweets” Bucky couldn't help himself, pressing his lips softly to your forehead, trailing feather light kisses down your face while cuddling you. “C’mon I l-love you” His voice cracked, his lips finally pressing against yours. They were still soft, warm, you had to wake up, you had to-

Your lips stirred, your eyes cracking open, taking your first breath as your eyes focused on Bucky. 

“Sweetheart?” Bucky's eyes grew wide, unsure if he was dreaming or not, scrambling to hug you closer, cupping your face gently.  

“Bucky?” Your voice was a raspy whisper, leaning into his touch, feeling his tears fall onto your skin as he pulled you into his chest. 

“My doll” He let out a soft sob, cradling your head as you buried your face into his neck, moved to cling onto him, the last thing you remembered was darkness and now you were in his arms again surrounded by his warmth, his scent. Everyone stayed rooted in place, tears falling freely, dying to grab you, hug you, hold you again but they were not about to separate the two of you, not after how badly Bucky had yearned to get you back. 

“Bucky” You wept, your mind still piecing together how you were back but it didn’t matter, not when he was holding you again. 

“Hi baby” He whispered against your hair, wiping your tears with his thumb, cupping your face, kissing you all over before capturing your lips again, relishing in your touch, feeling your fingers card through his short locks. You lost yourselves in each other, the rest of the world no longer existing. 

“Okay white wolf, When do we get to say hi to our girl” Sam snorted, sniffling seeing you tucked in Bucky’s arms, the brunettes lips curved into a smile for the first time since you’d been gone. Bucky loosened his hold around you, helping you to your feet, giving you one more kiss before letting go. 

“Come here” Steve scooped you up immediately after, struggling not to squeeze you tight, “We missed you sweet heart, so much”

“Hasn’t been the same without you” Sam gave you a once over, determining you were well enough for a slightly bone crushing hug before having you grabbed away by Tony. Tony wasn’t able to say much, biting his bottom lip to keep it from trembling, hugging you the longest, reluctant to let you go. You were engulfed in Nat’s arms as she wept, squeezing you like her life depended on it. 

“You saved me” She whispered in your hair, her tears falling onto your skin, “Don’t ever do that again” She hissed sternly, grabbing your face to look at her, “Don’t ever ever do something like that again” 

“Give me my baby back” Bucky grabbed you, tossing you over his shoulder as soon as everyone had gotten their hugs and kisses, not interested in giving anyone a second longer when he needed you so badly. You squealed, giggling as he carried you straight down the hall towards his room without glancing back. As soon as he locked the door, his hands were all over you, holding you tightly to him. 

“Your baby?” You shyly whispered as he rested his forehead against yours, nodding and chasing your lips. 

“M’never letting you go again doll, never” He trailed kisses down your neck while unbuckling the straps of your gear letting it drop to the floor. “I want to love you, I want to hold you, I want to make love to you, I want it all with you” 

Bucky tore your clothes off, hoisting you up to wrap your legs around his waist as he carried you over to the bathroom, turning the hot water on, hot water pouring over both if you. The steam made you woozy, your body turning into jelly under his touch as he massaged your muscles with delicate touches, his lips ghosting over every bruise and scar that had marked your skin. You let out a needy whimper, staying close to him, your butterflies erupting in your tummy every time he touched you. 

“Bucky please”

“I want to love you so badly baby, love you the way you deserve” Bucky willed himself not to take you right there, focused on rinsing off and grabbing a towel, carrying you over to his bed. He tossed to towel off, climbing on top of you, neither of you having the patience for a slow build or teasing. Your belly clenched feeling his hard length rut and rub against your bare cunt, your slick coating his cock. 

“I need you” He rasped while you whined, wrapping your legs around him, bucking your hips up. “You have no idea baby, God I need you” His eyes were pleading with you, his cock starting to leak feeling your arousal. 

“Wanna feel you Bucky” You spread your legs for him, your breath hitching feeling the tip of his cock rub through your folds before pressing into your entrance. 

“Gonna make love to you so good sweet girl” Bucky whispered as he started to push his cock in, his heart beating faster, cock growing harder feeling your heat pull him in deeper. He groaned, letting his body weight fall onto you as he started to thrust, pleasure consuming both of you immediately. 

“JAmessss” Your gasp melted into a moan, your head pressed against his pillow as he filled you, stretching you open, letting you feel every ridge and vein of his cock. “Stretching me to so good Buckyyy” 

“Yeah? You feel so good wrapped around me baby” He rasped, his orgasm already creeping down his spine as he pressed sloppy kisses all over your face, overwhelmed with emotion and the feeling of you under him. Your moans made him twitch, nearly growling when he felt your nails dig into his skin as he kissed your cervix with each roll of his hips. 

“I missed you so much baby, didn’t know what to do with myself, I-I couldn’t breathe without you, couldn’t live-” Bucky could feel tears brimming his eyes, struggling to keep them away, “Fuck I missed you so much, I felt like I was drowning every single day” 

You sniffled over his words, your heart connected with his, squeezing your thighs around his waist, desperate to keep every inch of his body pressed with yours. 

“It-it was always you” He kissed your forehead, as he kept you caged under him, moaning against your skin.

“I love you” you cupped his cheeks, brushing his tears away, his nose lightly bumping against yours. You pulled him down for a sweet kiss, only pulling away for air. All of it was so much all at once, the quietest cries and softest kisses, feeling every inch of each other, making up for lost time. Bucky pulled the covers over you both, wrapping you in a cocoon of warmth, hiding you from the rest of the world, savoring this moment with just the two of you, his sweet girl back in his arms again. 

He let his arms roam across your body, stroking your waist, your thighs, gently cupping your breasts, softly suckling your nipples, his body trembling as he tried to hold his climax off and make this moment last forever. 

“M’gonna marry you, you know that?” His hands came to lace with yours, pinning you against the bed, eyes locked with yours. His pace didn’t falter, thrusting into you, loving the way your pussy fluttered around his cock, rolling his hips so he could push into you deeper. “W-will you? Will you marry me babygirl” 

He knew you had just come back but he wanted nothing more, unable to stop the words from slipping out. You let your own tears fall down your cheeks, pulling him impossibly closer. 

“Yes” You whimpered, sniffling back sobs as he stroked your head, smiling against your lips. 

“Gonna make you my wife baby, marry you and take care of you until my last breath” He started to fuck you faster, panting, the muscles in his body tensing. 

“Tell me more Bucky, please?” You whined, your heart aching for more, everything you’d always wanted with the one person you’d always been in love with. 

“Oh baby, M’gonna get you pregnant sweet girl, have a family with you, everything with you, take care of your swollen belly, make love to you even when you’re full of me, show you how much I adore you princess” You gasped as he braced himself, his grunts growing louder, his body heat radiating off him, unable to stop the pleasure that was growing. 

“Tell me your mine baby” He whined, wrapping his arms around you while you threw your head back, your eyes rolling back at the feel of his pubic bone rubbing your sensitive bundle of nerves with each thrust. 

“I’m yours Bucky” 

“Fuck don’t stop y/n, please, I need it” His voice was needy, desperately clinging onto your body, craving to hear nothing else. “Say it again doll”

“I’m yours Bucky, all yours soldier” You moaned louder, your legs shaking around him “I’m gonna cum” 

“Cum with me baby, same time, please” 

“BuckyBuckyBucky- You cried our, your walls staring to flutter, ready to fall off the edge with hi. 

“M’right here, I got you, togther, c’mon, cum with me princess” Bucky rolled his hips, pounding you into the mattress, biting down onto your neck as he felt your nails scratch down his back while white hot pleasure tore through you, your pussy milking his cock. 

“FUCK JAMES” Your body trembled as he fucked you through your high, burying his face into your neck, his lips brushing by your ear. 

“YES, Yes baby, my good girl, my sweet girl, s’perfect for me, yes, I’m gonna give you my cum, get you pregnant, have a baby with you, take care of you, love you, all of it with you baby, fuck- I LOVE YOU- UGGHHH- 

Bucky collapse on you, filling you with his cum until the bed was damp, his body jolting from sensitivity each time you fluttered around him while kissing his temple. He hardly moved, a steady stream of cum still pouring into you, staying connected to you the entire night, cuddling you next to him. 

“I finally have my baby back, my sweet sweet baby, she’s back” 

It has been nearly a week since you were back but you hadn’t left Bucky’s room once. You only took a few moments to eat and sleep, the rest of the time wrapped up in each other, connected in the most intimate way possible, while whispering sweet nothings, 

It was everything Bucky needed. Emotional. Warm. Soft. Loving. 

He couldn’t help the tears every time he was inside you, he finally had you back, wrapping his arms around you every time you made love, making sure you knew exactly how much he had always adored you. As much as he wanted to take you apart in every way imaginable, he couldn’t help but slip into missionary every single time, wanting to see your pretty face, feel your body, have your legs wrap around him as he came inside you. 

*****

You threw on your coat while Bucky slipped his arm around your waist while you both made your way down, passing through the living room on our way out. 

“Damn future Mrs. Barnes” Sam whistled, along with the rest of the team, everyone gathered for a night for a movie. “Where you off to?” 

“The three of us are going out for dinner” Bucky smiled with a child like grin, snickering to himself while the team looked at you with confusion. 

“Three?” Steve cocked his head, noting the way you shied into Bucky’s chest, giggling while he kissed your head, his hand slipping down to brush over your belly. “THREE?”

Steve’s eyes grew wide as he shot out of his seat, pointing at your tummy. “THREE” He whipped his head to Tony, Nat, Sam and Clint who slowly connected the dots. “THREE” 

“For fucks sake, it hasn’t even been a month Barnes” Tony snorted, while everyone pilled onto you both, a large mess of hugs and tears. 

“You didn’t waste any time, huh” Sam wiggling his eyebrows while Bucky wrapped his arms around you, his hands splayed on your tummy. 

“Never again” He whispered, tilting your chin to kiss you deeply, “Never ever again” 

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[buckets-and-trees]

Dear, sweet Aspen - any thoughts on what the Cedar Trees couple is doing during this winter/holiday season? I'm so soft for those two and love them so much! 🥹🥹🥹 Thank you for sharing them with us!

Oh, sweet anon! My head has been absolutely SPINNING with so many thoughts about our dear King Steve and how he’s spending the holidays with you, his new Queen!

Nothing smutty, but I’m putting it under the cut for the lengt as I share a bit of a peak into our Cedar Trees AU…

The people in the kingdom of Brooklyn have a large celebration on the eve of the winter solstice! As soon as the sun goes down (and of course the very excited and eager children start bustling into the streets while the sun is still setting), all the shops close, everyone fills the streets and there are musicians in the streets, dancing, warm drinks, food and treats to buy. If you’ve lost a loved one, then you put a candle in a votive glass the window and let it burn in their memory.

King Steve spends time talking with as many of his people as he can, buys far more food and treats and drinks than he can eat and presses them happily into the hands of anyone nearby (Bucky and his knights know the drill, and now you’re there to talk and help share things around as well). Many of the town’s artisans who paint or carve or sculpt come to the town square and show off some of their skills throughout the evening for people to watch as they mingle, some let the children try their hand here and there on those projects, and at the end of the night they’re given away.

There are lots of little fires throughout the streets for everyone to warm up throughout the night. Steve’s eyes are drawn to you often, and he’s always been kind and happy with his people, but they love how much happier he is with you - now it seems like it’s easy and simply runs through his veins like breathing, and he’s so beloved to them that they love seeing the soft look in your eyes, the fondness that you emanate for him, too.

It’s your first solstice festival, and of course it’s not perfect, it’s a long night, you bundle up against the cold as much as you can, but it’s still a wonderful evening. It’s beautiful, simple, fun, lots of laughter, but a lot of tender moments hearing from the people. Some of them share struggles and concerns - not to complain, but because you all ask for their stories, some of them share about the best parts of their year. It’s a tradition that’s been part of this people even before Steve became their king.

At midnight, everyone sings a winter solstice carol (or hums along). They light lanterns, think on a wish or hope they have for the coming season, and then during the last verse the lanterns are released to the sky.

There are a few more ceremonial parties and banquets over the next week (some small and some larger), and then Steve has decided to start a new tradition for the new year, whisking you away to the summer palace for a few days. Private and intimate. Twenty years it will be a well established tradition with your children. And who knows? Next year it may even be with your firstborn…

READ THE NEXT PART: COLD HANDS, WARM HEARTS

[welikeimagines-andfandoms]

I Thought I Lost You- Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: Steve had thought he lost you in the 40s but maybe he didn’t

Work count: 1,821

Steve was from a different time, and a different era than the one he was in now, and things were a lot different. Sure there were the big obvious differences with technology and fashion, but it was also the little differences.

One difference that seemed to baffle Steve, was the difference in dating and relationships. There was no holding doors open, writing love letters, coming to the door to pick up a girl, there didn’t even seem to be any flirting anymore. From the stories Kate, Wanda, Nat and Maria had told him, the standards of romance and making a woman feel special was pretty much nonexistent.

Steve was always the butt of the joke among his fellow team mates about those types of things. Being a virgin, or not getting the ladies back in the day, but it didn’t bother him really, and he laughed along with them. He didn’t mind these jokes because he knew the truth, and he held it close.

Keeping his life as private as possible had always been important to Steve, but unfortunately when he came out of the ice, it seemed his whole life was on display, well, except you. He felt relieved when he learnt that no one knew about you.

He tried to search for you but finding nothing, he assumed you were dead. As dark as it sounds, that brought Steve some happiness.

Your likely death and anonymity meant that Steve could keep you in his heart, and that you were his to treasure forever. Unfortunately he had no photos of you, you existed purely in his heart, mind, and if he was lucky, his dreams. He knew he’d lost you, and he was learning to live with that.

Steve thought about you often, especially times like this. Sitting on the bus, looking out the window at the people and the places, how his home had changed so much.

The faces seemed to blend a bit when the bus was moving, but when it came to a stop, he could see things clearly. That’s when a familiar face seemed to pop out in the crowd.

This wasn’t the first time Steve had fancied he might have seen you in a crowd, but this time when his head whipped back and he caught a glimpse of your smile, he was sure it was you.

“Stop! Stop the bus!” Steve yelled, bolting out of his seat, running to the driver before the light could turn green again.

“Buddy, I’ve got a route to keep here.” The driver explained.

“I know, sir, but please I need to get off the bus, please.” Even in his panic, Steve still managed to be polite.

“Okay, sure thing.” The driver rolled his eyes, probably not wanting to deal with the hysterics.

Leaping off of the bus, Steve ran in the direction he saw you, apologising as he bumped into people. Running past stores, cafes and restaurants, looking into each one to see if you might be there.

He began to lose hope of finding you, until he caught a glimpse of shining blue. Whipping his head, he saw it, the hair comb he’d once given you as an anniversary present. Steve worked every odd job he could to get it for you, even Bucky helped him out with the last bit of money so he could finally afford it.

You’d walk past that second hand store together all the time, stopping each time to look at the comb. Delicately placed blue gems, that you always told him looked like a bouquet of blue stars. He knew it was you, and he knew if was your comb.

Everything in him wanted to run in there and sweep you off your feet, but he was paralysed, fighting with himself. I mean it couldn’t be you, but it was you, maybe a granddaughter, but the way you smiled and that little scar on your cheek.

As he saw you about to turn to face him, he bolted. Steve needed a second opinion.

*****

If there was anyone who could help him, it would be Bucky. Though you were Steve’s girl, the three of you were inseparable together, you were like Buckys little sister.

Running through the compound to find his friend earned him some strange looks, but he didn’t care, he needed Buckys help.

“Bucky?! Are you in there?!” Steve knocked loudly and shouted for his friend.

“Hold your horses, punk! I’m coming, I’m coming.” He heard Bucky yell from his ensuite.

Opening the door, Bucky was met by a worried-faced Steve. He and Steve had known each other a long time, and he’d never seen him look like this before.

“Steve, what is it?” His friend asked him, great concern lacing his voice.

“Y/N, it’s y/n… I-I’m pretty sure I found her.” Steve worryingly confesses.

Hearing her name after so much time, Buckys eyes light up with hope, while his mouth drops open in surprise, simply staring at his friend. It sounded crazy, but Bucky knew Steve well enough to know that he was being honest about this.

“Lets go then.” Bucky confidently decided as he grabbed his jacket and made Steve show him the way.

*****

“There she is.” Steve announced to his friend as they stood outside the cafe.

Bucky couldn’t believe his eyes, it really was you. Much like Steve, Bucky had also tried to track you down and similarly believed you to be dead, but there you stand, perfectly alive and young.

“It really is her.” Bucky said, both shock and wonder laced in his voice as he turned to his friend.

“Come on, we need to see her.” Bucky decides, grabbing Steve by the bicep as he pushes Steve through the cafe doors.

“No, Buck, no.” Steve protests like a child, but Bucky wouldn’t have it, as he dragged the blonde to the front counter where you were wiping the bench.

Looking up to see them standing there, it took all of your will power not to break down, as you put on your best customer service voice.

“Hey there. Would you guys like a table or take away?” You asked, trying your best to keep your voice level.

Your reaction to seeing them visibly hurt both of the men, they knew it was you, it had to be. Why were you lying to them?

“Y/N, doll, it’s me, it’s us, Steve and Bucky. I know we look a little different but it’s us.” Steve told you, hoping you just didn’t recognise them, but you did.

Of course you recognised them, how could you not? When Steve went under at the end of the war, you thought your love was gone and that you would never have to hide your immortality from him, it both crushed and relieved you. But when he came out of the ice, you cried and cried; your love was back but you knew you couldn’t have him, he couldn’t know the curse that had been given to you while he was away. To see them both now filled you with that same delight and fear as it did when you first heard Steve had resurfaced.

“That’s not my name, I think you’ve got the wrong girl there, I’m sorry.” You tried to politely brush him off, pointing to your name tag of your new alias.

Hearing this broke the boys even more, and their dejected faces broke you some more too.

“No! No, you’re y/n! It’s her Buck, it’s her.” Steve began to panic, turning to his friend with tears.

“I know, come on let’s go.” He told his friend, trying to calm him as he walked out with Steve before they could make anymore of a scene.

As Bucky walked his hysterical friend out, he caught your eye and saw the sadness and shame in your face. You looked at each other and it felt like your secret was revealed.

It crushed you to see Steve like that, but you had to.

******

It took Bucky an hour to calm Steve down once they got back to the tower, he was pacing and ranting and crying. Steve was so confused and so hurt, he knew it was you and he knew that you recognised him. Steve needed you back more than ever.

“You need to go talk to her, one on one. She knows you, but she’s scared, Steve. Go back tonight when they close and woo her with your awkward asthmatic charm, that some how got her in the first place.” Bucky encouraged his friend.

“Heh, thanks Buck. I’ll let you know how it all goes.” He thanked his friend as he wiped the tears from his face.

“Hey, Steve?”

Steve turned as he reached the door, turning to his friend.

“Get our y/n back?” He asked, his voice lightly breaking as tears seemed to pool in his eyes.

A hopeful smile broke out onto Steve’s face as he turned to open the door, leaving to get you back.

*****

Walking into the alleyway behind the cafe, you push open one of the large dumpers to put the bags of rubbish into it. The sooner you could leave the better, you needed to work out a plan to start over. Steve couldn’t know about you, and you needed to go on the run again.

“Y/N?” You heard that all too familiar gentle voice, that sweet voice. That same soothing tone that helped you when you got your first period, or before you started your first shift at the diner in town.

You weren’t sure if you were strong enough to keep up this act anymore, but you had to.

“Oh it’s you again. Look I’m sorry you think I’m this ‘y/n’, but I’m not and I need you leave.” You try to sound convincing, but your voice cracks and your vulnerability begins to show.

“Please, doll, I know it’s you. Whatever’s going on, we can work it out together.” He reassures you, now standing before you, with his hands gently cupping your cheeks.

Staring up into his big beautiful eyes, you can’t stand it anymore, and the dam breaks. Tears roll down your face as you try to hold back sobs, your own hands reaching up to touch his own face.

“You look so different, but you’re still my sweet Stevie. I guess now when you get into fights for me, you might actually win.” You joke with your love, your vision blurring from both tears and shared laughter.

Hearing your joke and realising you do know him, Steve’s face lights up and a bright laugh rumbles his large body. His joy spreads all over him as can’t help but lift you and twirl you around.

“I knew it was you.”

“It’s me, Stevie, it’s me.” You gently comfort him, as you lean down to gently press your lips to his in a soft and sweet kiss.

[roll-for-gaslight]

for whosoever believeth in him (shall not perish but have everlasting life)

An exploration of the two oldest Applebees siblings' relationship with religion. tw// religious trauma, child abuse, let me know if I should add anything else.

AO3 Version: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55677883/chapters/141332254

Part One: The Prophet

Part Two: The Proselyte

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

-Proverbs 3:5-6

When Kristen was having a hard day, this is the verse that came to mind most often. It was the one she fell back on when it got hard to stay awake at church, or Bucky did something to annoy her and her first instinct was to annoy him back. She was Helio’s Chosen, she knew better than to act like that. It’s not Bucky’s fault he hadn’t learned yet, he wasn’t Chosen like her, he would come to it in his own time. Instead, she would correct him gently and mend anything he broke with a Mending cantrip, one of the earliest signs of her Blessing. It’s the one she’s repeating under her breath now, as she dies in a highschool cafeteria, surrounded by the corn that should have, by all accounts, been blessed with Helio’s light and protected or healed her rather than harmed her. It’s her first set of dying words, though no one else would ever know it. 

She sneaks her principal into heaven only to be sent back to the mortal plane herself. Worse than that, Helio refuses to answer the one question that’s been sitting on her mind for years: why do you let bad things happen to good people? Not only does he not have an answer, he throws her out of the afterlife when s he asks. There is a seed of doubt firmly planted in her heart by that interaction, though she supposes this isn’t the first time she felt a flutter of something like it. 

"I can do all this through Him who gives me strength."

-Philippians 4:13

She supposes this could have gone better. She’s never been left home alone to babysit before, but her parents say that since he just turned nine she’s finally old enough. She’s making macaroni and cheese, with all three boys running around the dining room table. Bucky and Bricker are chasing Cork around the table because he has something she can’t quite make out in his hands, all screaming over each other. She’s just glad that when she told them it wasn’t safe to play in the kitchen they actually listened to her. She felt herself glow with pride at the thought, knowing her mom and dad would be proud of her for taking care of everyone tonight if all went well. 

Then, a lot of things happen at once. There’s a crash, a scream, a thudding sound, and then all her brothers are crying. Bricker runs into the kitchen and barely stops short of crashing into her. 

“KRISTENKristencomequickit’sCorkhe’shurt and—” he half-shouts, but she stops listening. 

“Stay here, turn off the stove, and bring me the emergency phone!” she says immediately, shouting her instructions as she runs into the other room. When she arrives she sees Bucky first, blood all over his hands and face. It takes her a moment to remember what Bricker said and realize it isn’t his own blood, but Cork’s. She casts her eyes downward to see her youngest brother lying there, limp and colorless as blood pooled around him. There’s an action figure, one of Bucky’s, scattered into several pieces about a foot away from his hand. She approaches quickly, realizing that the blood is coming from his head, and grabs one of the napkins off of the table as she pushes Bucky out of the way.

“What happened?” she demands. Bucky looks up at her through his tears, and she realizes abruptly that she doesn’t know how to fix this. 

“We were just trying to get my Adventure Man toy back! I tried to grab him and he lost his balance and his head hit the table and then he just started bleeding so fast I didn’t know what to do,” he says, and she does her best to offer him a comforting smile. 

“Everything is going to be okay,” she assures him, silently begging Helio for forgiveness for bearing false witness, knowing the moment the lie passes her lips that she’ll have to repent in church for it on Sunday. He seems to relax at her words. “Go and get the black bottle with the white cap from under the bathroom sink.” she says, and he runs off. She’s left alone, for just a moment, with a slowly-dying Cork, and is faced with the helpless thought that she can’t heal him. She should have been watching him. 

She begins to whisper prayers, each and every one she knows, under her breath. 

Bucky and Bricker enter the room at the same time, both holding the things she instructed them to grab. She takes the hydrogen peroxide and tells Bucky to take the phone and call their parents, tell them they need to come home, but she’s not sure how to proceed after that. She feels tears prickle in her eyes as Cork’s breathing becomes shallower and shallower, and does her best to clean the wound and wrap it up despite the fact that the blood-soaked towel isn’t doing much anymore. 

Just when the tears begin to fall, the moment that all hope seems lost, it happens. Her hands glow with a brilliant, burning golden light and the air fills with the scent of popcorn. Cork’s eyes fly open as the color returns to his face, and suddenly she can breathe again. She pulls her littlest brother into a tight hug, and Bucky and Bricker join them. She can faintly hear the sound of her parents as they come through the door, moments too late to be helpful but she’s grateful they’re there nonetheless. The whole world feels far away except for her brothers, right here with her. 

“What happened here?” her mom asks, “Kristen, did you just heal your brother? Was he hurt, did you heal him?” 

Kristen looks up from the hug and is only able to nod before her dad starts to separate the four of them. Bucky and Bricker move back when they’re told to, sent off to get cleaned up, but it takes her a few extra seconds before she can let herself let go. Her mom wraps her arms around her to guide her into the living room, and through the shock Kristen can faintly hear her calling Pastor Amelia to share the good news. 

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is Sol’s will for you in Lord Helio.”

-1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Kristen’s eyes are starting to get heavy. She’s been staring upward for almost a full twenty-four hours at that point, feeling the searing heat of Sol’s light burn her face as she murmurs her prayers along with the pastor onstage. Pastor Amelia’s shift ended some time ago, so it was a man’s low southern drawl leading them now, but she can’t be sure how long it’s been. She’s ten, so it’s not her first Harvest Festival, so Helio is making her last longer than he used to before he intervenes to help her through her prayers. Her skin feels raw and blistering, and her eyes strain against the unrelenting light. She’s doing her best to make him proud.  

She knows the girl beside her, who seemed so devoted when they met at the beginning, was carried out after only three hours or so. The boy in front of her passed out from the heat not long after. She had noticed that he drank all of his daily water in the first hour, but could do nothing to warn him. Bucky is on her other side, here for his first year in the Prayer and doing well. Next year they’ll be in different age groups, but she’s glad to have him here now. She’s pretty sure he’ll have to kneel soon because of how he’s shaking and sweating. Kneeling is allowed as long as they know you’re still awake. There’s a part of her that wants to kneel first so he’s not nervous, but she also knows it’s important that she remains standing as long as possible to fully connect with Helio. 

She knows that probably within the hour, they’ll get an optional ten-minute break to refill their water. If Bucky can last until then, she’s pretty sure he’ll be able to make it through the next day. 

He kneels, his head falling onto the ground immediately. She knows it’s technically against the rules, but she kicks him in the arm and casts one of her smallest healing spells for him. She can barely see in her peripheral vision as he glows momentarily and looks up at her. He’s still faintly murmuring prayers, so he’s not actually out yet. Kristen feels the toll the spell takes and her knees buckle, so she slowly kneels to avoid taking out those around her if she falls. She distantly notices several other kids around her kneel quickly after, as if they were all awaiting her cue as Chosen. She thinks she should maybe feel guilty for that, but she can’t quite bring care about them right now, only Bucky. He’s still sweating, but as she kneels he seems to remember his placement and raises his face to the sun yet again. 

She waits anxiously for someone to say something or for Helio’s reprimand to come for breaking the rules. He sees all, so she knows it’s hopeless to think he won’t notice. 

Despite that, nothing comes. When the ten-minute break arrives, Bucky turns as if to speak with her and she just hands him her water jug. “Can you fill this for me, Buck? I’m going to pray through the break. As much ice as you can crush in there, please.” she requests, and he nods. 

“Yeah, Kristy, I can do that. I’ll let mom and dad know,” he responds, and she suddenly and desperately wishes for last year, when she was the only one of her siblings doing the full prayer and Bucky’s only job was to make sure she had water on breaks, free to spend most of the rest of the festival playing and enjoying the summer. 

The pastor is taking a break, so anyone staying is welcome to do their own prayers. If there’s anyone else in the field, they must be really far away from her. She feels the breeze for the first time in a while, but the sun also beats down harder than before. She sends Helio her apologies, doing her best to appease him, but never feels the sweet rejuvenation of his miracles. Not until the very last second of what should have been her break, right as people return to the field. She feels all eyes on her as she realizes she must have been the only one that stayed judging by the size of the crowd. Right as she registers that information, she feels a warmth in her chest. It expands outward and the day becomes ten times brighter. She’s glowing and feels herself becoming weightless. She knows it’s Helio’s blessing at last, knew all along that forgoing her break was the perfect way to repent. It lasts a full minute before she slowly descends, and when she does she feels it.

She feels like she’s fresh off of a full night’s sleep, completely refreshed. Her braid has redone itself, she feels clean, and her skin is no longer blistering. People suddenly crowd around her on all sides, each kneeling beside her and taking a moment to look up to the sky before returning to their new formation, remaking the neat lines that had been lost before as others failed. Bucky is the last to approach and takes his place beside her, reaching out to grab her hand for one fleeting moment before pulling away again. He puts her water jug and his own between them. For a while, everything is perfect. 

Seven hours later, the night brings a unique challenge, and the one that finally removes Bucky from the Prayer. It’s much cooler, a reprieve from the intense heat of the sun, but it’s also dark. At this point in the festival, that makes it too easy to fall asleep. He has the sense to kneel before he does it, but not to totally avoid colliding with Kristen. He falls across her feet, and suddenly she feels tears in her eyes. Maybe she should give up too, help him out of the crowd. She knows it would be frowned upon, and can picture the look of disappointment on her mom and dad’s faces when they see her step away. She can’t bring herself to move. Someone comes to collect Bucky, but she doesn’t see who. 

She lasts until noon the next day. It’s been a full forty-eight hours, and she’s the last one standing for their entire age group. The field is empty around her. The clock strikes loudly for twelve o’clock, the time of day where Helio’s magic is the strongest, and suddenly her legs buckle and go out from beneath her. She hits the ground hard, feels the dirt and rocks scrape against her knee. The moment her head hits the ground, she loses consciousness. 

Kristen wakes up alone on a cot. There’s a window open, letting fresh air and a little early morning light into the room. She checks her crystal to see it’s six in the morning, eyes aching at the light from the screen until she turns the brightness setting all the way down. She hovers over her mom’s contact for a few moments, considering texting to see where to find them, but can’t bring herself to actually do so. She closes her eyes instead to do a silent prayer for her daily spells, and it feels like a weight off her chest when she feels the holy magic fill her with warmth. Helio is proud of her. She did good. 

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord Helio is giving you.”

-Exodus 20:12

“Kristen, I don’t know how many times we’re going to have to go over this. If they don’t worship Helio, they’re sinners. It doesn’t matter what they do or say because anything done outside of Sol’s light is sin.” her dad is saying, frustration coloring his tone. 

Her mom nods in agreement. “If they aren’t faithful, they aren’t your friend. If you can’t depend on them to make the right choice on the most important decision, how can you trust them with anything else?”

Kristen finds herself at a loss for words. It had been Bricker who started all of this, playing with that little Goblin girl on the playground before Mac and Donna had gotten the chance to pull him away. It had been an innocent question. “But she was so nice, what could be wrong with her?” he had said. He’d also immediately accepted his parents’ simple answer: she was a non-believer. Kristen had been fighting this battle for half an hour at this point, determined to show her parents the truth of Helio’s light. This is part of being Chosen, she thinks. It’s her job to right these wrongs, even if it means standing up to her parents. 

“Mom, Dad, Sol’s light touches all creatures the same. If they act with good intentions and follow the rules of scripture, they have potential to find faith. Isn’t it our job to lead them there, and let them take their own path there? It doesn’t make them bad people, just lost ones.” she says, not for the first time. 

“That’s enough, Kristen,” Mac says finally, using his this-conversation-is-over voice. She winces slightly, knowing that she’s in trouble. “You need to drop this, or we’ll have to go have a talk with Pastor Amelia about you questioning Helio’s word. Is that what you want?”

Panic fills her at the thought of Pastor Amelia’s disappointed face and tone. There’s no way she would still be Helio’s Chosen if she really questioned Him and she knows it. Pastor Amelia having to step in would definitely call it to His attention. She shakes her head quickly. 

“No! No, of course not. I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to question Him. I just didn’t understand, I guess,” she assures them quietly, and they seem satisfied. When she glances at her brothers, Bricker looks disappointed. She looks away.

“There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.”

-Proverbs 6:16–19

Kristen has never been more excited than her first day of highschool. She’s excited to make friends, and to fulfill Helio’s word by showing them the light. It’s the whole reason that she wanted to go to Aguefort, and it’s why she asks Daybreak to send her to detention with the bad kids. Who better to help the most lost souls in the school than the Chosen of Helio? Who better to bring them under his holy gaze?

She feels a little bad for lying, but knows that she can repent for it tonight and Helio will understand. She feels worse about asking Daybreak to lie for her, and knows she needs to apologize to him too. She’s Chosen, she should know how to act better than that.

It doesn’t matter. They don’t seem happy about her proselytizing, but they seem to like her anyway. She’s looking forward to her new group, to finally getting the chance to be the yeast that makes the whole loaf rise. 

She dies instead. 

“Do not practice homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman. It is a detestable sin."

-Leviticus 18:22

Tracker is maybe the coolest person Kristen has ever met. She’s openly queer, a werewolf, and she worships Galicaea. She grew up in the church and chose to leave it, which is scary, but it’s also really… Exciting? Thrilling? Enticing? Attractive? Kristen isn’t sure she has exactly the right word for it yet, but she knows it feels almost good. 

She’s not so sure about Helio anymore. How could He not have the answers she was looking for? Not even for her, His Chosen? What did it even mean to be Chosen by Him? Did it mean anything, if she didn’t choose Him too? She’s not so sure anymore. 

She hates that she hasn’t seen her brothers all week. It’s not like it is with her parents with them, they haven’t done anything wrong. She hates that her long school days have led to her avoiding her whole family. She’s had more sleepovers since school started than she has in the whole rest of her life. 

She’s pretty sure she has a crush on Tracker. What would that mean for her? Would that make her gay? Or maybe bi? She hopes, for a moment, for that to be the truth but now that she’s thinking about it the thought of spending the rest of her life with a husband in a traditional marriage sounds… suffocating. Spending the rest of her life with someone fun and interesting like Tracker sounds so much better. 

Maybe Helio isn’t everything. Maybe her parents are right about him, and if they are then she’s not interested. Maybe Helio holds hatred in his heart. 

Maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe she’ll find something new. 

Maybe she’ll take a leap of faith. 

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”

-Hebrews 11:1

She can still cast magic. She’s not sure who or how, but her leap of faith didn’t strip her of her divine magic. She can still heal her friends, and her Spirit Guardians aren’t corn-themed. The magic flowing through her is strange and new, no longer searing heat but instead a slight chill that shoots its way through her from her very core. 

Every night’s a sleepover as long as she’s not living at home. Her parents haven’t even tried to get her home yet, not even a text since the other night. She’s just glad Fig and Gilear have been so nice to let Kristen move in with them. There’s no way she would have been able to leave that house if they hadn’t offered; she couldn’t imagine actually asking her friends to take care of her like this. Fig was just nice enough to offer first, so she didn’t feel as bad just accepting. 

Tracker is going to be her girlfriend, she’s pretty sure. She still has to actually ask, but she’s pretty sure the feelings she’s having are reciprocal. She talks to Ragh, quietly and briefly, about being gay. He doesn’t make fun of her, which she suspected he wouldn’t. He just nods respectfully along as she speaks and gives her a little head pat before they depart, the most affection she’s seen him show anyone but Dayne. 

Kristen’s decided that she’s happy with who she is. If someone has a problem with it, she doesn’t need to care. That’s how Tracker talks about it all: her queerness, her religion, her lycanthropy. There’s no reason Kristen should have to change who she is for some bullshit rules that don’t actually mean anything. Fuck anyone who says otherwise.

 “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.”

-Ephesians 2:8-9

Kristen is dying again. In the gym, at prom, she is being killed by the vice principal, but it doesn’t even matter. As Helio’s Chosen she is directed straight towards the main office of Heaven when she arrives, only to find Arthur Aguefort waiting for him. Not only does he agree to come back and help her return, but he also gives her his watch to use. 

Oh, and she creates a new god. 

No big deal. 

Okay, big deal. She hates her new god, but it’ll be okay. Maybe YES! just has to grow on her. 

“For Sol so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life”

-John 3:16

The chapel makes Tracker freak out, but Kristen can’t get the image of the goddess out of her head. She was beautiful, and there was something strikingly familiar about her. She tries several times to draw her, but to no avail. She doesn’t voice her desires to her friends or even to Tracker on any kind of deeper level, but feels herself drawn to the idea of a forgotten goddess who specializes in doubt. Doubt has already gotten her this far, right? 

As they venture into Sylvaire and split up to gather the ingredients, only to lose all their allies except Gilear. Oh, yeah, and Kristen almost dies again, but at least this time she saves Riz. At least this time she has the chance to do some good. She thinks that it’s worth it as long as her friends are safe. 

When they make it to the chapel in the forest, their second time coming in, she’s grateful to have Fabian watching her back. The whole place seems creepy, but also strangely alluring. She wants to understand who this goddess was before she was abandoned. Why would her followers do this to her? She steps closer. 

‘Why do you searching for me?’ a low, crackling voice speaks directly into her mind. 

“I heard that you were the goddess of doubt, and that really resonates with me right now,” Kristen begins to say, but those aren’t the right words. She pauses for a moment to think. “I have a lot of praise for you.” she says finally. 

There’s a sharp pain in her chest, accompanied by a horrible wet sound. She chokes, suddenly unable to catch her breath, and grasps for whatever hurt her only to make contact with something that feels like solid bone. She looks down and— Is that a spike? 

Fabian says something and then he’s gone and it’s dark. She holds onto consciousness for as long as she can, tilting her head up to the sky and wishing, just for a moment, for the strength of a god supporting her the way Helio used to. It doesn’t come. Neither do her friends.

‘I have a lot of praise for you.’

What was she thinking?

Kristen Applebees, dying yet again with a prayer on her lips.

“‘Who’ is easy. It is us, everything, and you. ‘Why’ is harder.’Why’ is something that only you can decide. The universe doesn't have a ‘why’.”

For a while, she’s floating in nothing. She doesn’t have a sense of time or space, it’s neither light nor dark, there is no sensation. Everything is just empty for a while, and then it’s not anymore. Her eyes are already open when she comes to, face turned upward towards the ceiling. 

She looks down to find a gaping hole in her chest, her tie-dye shirt soaked through with blood. She puts her hand through it to make sure it’s not an illusion, but realizes belatedly that that doesn’t mean anything in the Nightmare forest. Looking at her hand, she realizes that her pinky finger is missing too. 

She slowly, carefully, wanders out of the room and into the forest. Her friends are far away, and she’s scared, and she’s pretty sure she’s still dead. That suspicion is confirmed when she’s brought face-to-face with the person she wants to see the least right now: Helio. He’s accompanied by Sol and a woman Kristen doesn’t immediately recognize. 

The woman introduces herself as Galicaea, Tracker’s goddess, and Kristen can’t help but feel comforted by the thought of her girlfriend for a few moments before it all goes wrong. Are these her only options? Sol’s bullshit or Galicaea’s? 

No. 

She’ll make her own options. She punches Helio in the face. 

Her philosophers aid her as they always have, helping her find the path away and giving her magic while she can’t rely on a deity. She knows what she needs to do. 

She’s going to bring back the mystery goddess, no matter what it takes. 

“The first rule of existence is as above, so below. People are fractal images of the universe. You are, as we are.”

If the first rule is as above, so below, that’s where she’ll start.

She ends up deep in the forest, and she can hear Tracker hunting her somewhere in the distance. She takes mud from the forest floor and blood from her own chest, using it to paint the goddess’s face on the bark of a wide tree. She’s no artist, but it’s the thought that counts, right?

She all but lays down, her knees folded underneath her and body pressed low, but her eyes cast up to the image. Slowly, it shifts until it shows the image of a beautiful goddess, the very one Kristen has been reaching out for. 

She appears in an inky void, mountains in the distance and a deity made of starlight in front of her. They speak of finding comfort in the dark unknown and wielding doubt as a tool rather than holding it in her heart; Kristen feels something slot together like a piece has been missing from the core of her very existence and it’s finally here. 

She’s pulled out of the conversation by danger looming outside of her new twilight protective circle, but Tracker is the danger. He escapes into the woods, free yet again, and finally finds her friends. She feels drawn in until she can pull the pinky finger bone out of Adaine’s pocket. She casts raise dead, there’s a sudden bright flash of light, and then it’s done. 

She feels her body return to her, hears her friends’ exclamations of surprise at her sudden appearance. She can see, in the low dusk light, the purple tie-dye of her new shirt made to represent her new goddess. Cassandra. She takes her first breath.

St. Kristen Applebees is born again. 

[just-animaxiz]

Ok thanks to the 6Teen! RC9GN crew by @lsd-ink, I'm now thinking of funny/cute headcannons (Mostly about Punk Bots, Randy, and some of the other characters) SO IM DRAGGING YOU ALL WITH ME ON THIS ONE.

Starting off with my favs.

To pay off for their jail time, The Punks decided to work at the McMall (Cuz McFist owns 80% of the places), but somehow, Spike is not too keen on working so he decided to take a part-time job as a mechanic in a local station. Luckily it's not a product of McFist.

While Spike works at a mechanic, Thorn works as a bookstore worker and Skewer works in a Claire's type of store! Despite their appearances, they're really decently well with their jobs!

Thanks to @destiny-in-the-universe I do hc that the Punks do go to Randy's school to finish education, and surprisingly, they're really good at a few subjects! Most definitely, they're really skilled at creative writing, shop class, and gym!

Like always, Spike is envious when he first meet Randy. Seeing him have this normal life, with a loving parent, normal home, and everything. Though, Spike can't bully Randy because it doesn't make him feel better. They eventually bond over music, get to know after awkward moments, then eventually, the two got closer like brothers!

Spike got his attack dog moments not only to Randy but to Thorn and Skewer as well. He's been their provider ever since they escaped, and he doesn't want ANYONE to hurt them.

Doesn't matter if you're a girl, guy, nonbinary or anything - Spike will judge you when you're dating Randy or his brothers. He wanted someone who's good for them, and if they ever break a brother's heart, the wolf will bite.

While working at Claire's, Skewer gets asked by a little girl on why he's dressed like that. To humor her, he told the girl that he's the guard of the store, protecting anyone who tries to ruin the princesses' jewels and presents. His looks is a warning sign to anyone who tries to steal them. Astonished, she assumed he's a knight, along with Thorn and Spike, and she gave him the loyal knight ceremony where she tapped a toy wand over his shoulders and deemed him, "Sir Skewer!"

That encounter made Skewer happy in the inside, and if anyone makes of that, they'll know why his name is Skewer.

Thorn, meanwhile, loves working at the bookstore because he loves reading. He entertains the audience by reenacting the scenes, especially in manga books, and got the store a very good attention gain!

He does wonder about Japan and is always ecstatic whenever Mrs. Cunningham includes them on holiday trips to Japan.

Usually, when Randy's group comes together, Spike comes to visit with the other Punks on their breaks, and they have a good time hanging out!

Spike calls Heidi wrong names just to annoy her like how she annoyed Randy by calling him the wrong names.

Skewer and Howard have a chess battle, even though Howard thought it would be lame at first - The reason why he changed is because Skewer claimed Howard can't win.

Thorn have a little gossip fun with the girls, and sometimes would tease Randy over the girl he likes.

Now I heard Randy is the Ninja in this au, and if so, Spike would 100% know it's him. Why? Cuz he's his brother. The others will know eventually.

One thing to note is how Spike's face changed whenever he passes by a McFist product or even a poster of McFist.

NOW TIME FOR OTHER RC9GN CHARACTERS

Bucky, Steven, and Flute Girl all work at the music store. Bucky is very happy and friendly - Flute Girl is cynical and annoyed - Steven is [Trombone Music]

Bash is the local bully and thinks he has power over everyone because 1. His stepdad is the owner of everything, including the mall and 2. Cuz he's big and powerful. Some of the only people who aren't afraid are The Punks and Mrs. Cunningham.

Remember the Creepy Swamp Wizard, CatFish Booray? He has a food truck outside of the mall and it... Well you decide.

Mrs. Cunningham, in my book, is a lawyer that is often not present to the boys. She's been working hard to pay off for everything, but when she does have time, she wants to get to know each of her boys well and hang out with them.

When she needs alone time, Mrs. Cunningham usually either reads novels or practices fighting at the gym. It gets the stress from work out of her. People saw her as agile and skilled, which is how they saw Randy being talented at athletics.

Morgan is one of the popular girls and she is the queen of dancing. She leads dancing mobs at public places for the popularity.

McFist is occasionally seen at the Mall during grand openings or new product advertisements; however, one time he spotted Spike in the distance and he can't help but feel like the punk's familiar to him.