#he was like pls he's having a CRISIS and texting me pictures of everything turning green I'm gonna die

[lesbianphan]

do you guys think the reason PJ decided to babysit Phil wasn't only because of his concerning monster-fucking video, but actually cause Dan texted him like PLEASE HELP HE'S GONNA MAKE EVERYTHING GREEN, so he had to like... keep Phil busy before the forever home was destroyed or...?

[dimlylittorch]

first official post of my own thoughts bc I’ve decided to let myself be deranged on here..

the cod boys with a chubby partner who finally works up the nerve to attempt to send a nude!! this is so self indulgent y’all😭

PSA: !! I’m probably a horrible writer pls forgive me !!

My Masterlist🌱

Reader x John Price, Reader x Simon Ghost Riley, Reader x Johnny Soap MacTavish, Reader x Kyle Gaz Garrick

Random Headcanons: Edition 1

Warnings: NSFW

(mention of erections, nudes, inappropriate voice recordings, probably poor workplace behavior lmao)

Price

y’all have to be careful with our old man!! you might give him a heart attack :((

imagine he’s just in his office, bored out of his mind filling out his routine paperwork. Keeps dozing off, doesn’t feel like getting up to get more coffee. Practically praying for some kind of distraction or crisis to present itself. Suddenly he gets a text from you!! You know he gets bored at work so you try to send him little things that he’ll look at throughout the day, funny videos, a pretty tree you saw, etc.

But this time? Oh lord. He opens his messages from you and he sees your image with the blurred setting? With the caption ‘just in case you’re having a slow day.. don’t let anyone else see, okay?’

Of course our old man is scratching his beard, trying to guess what it is. He thinks on it for a moment, but ultimately gives up.. he opens it and goddamn. It’s your pretty little self perched on the bathroom counter of your shared apartment.. naked. Suddenly another text comes through, an apology. ‘I’m going to delete that- it looks really bad, I’m sorry’

He just about slips out of his chair with how fast he’s texting you ‘Don’t you dare.’

Ghost

Ghost? Ghost is a different story. You don’t have to worry about his heart- you have to worry about yours. The second you send him something like that? Sweetheart, there’s no stopping what he’ll do after the fact :]

He’s had a rough day, having to train some stupid ass recruits (his words, not mine). He’s already annoyed- someone took the last packet of tea from the kitchen area, he got caught on a nail turning a corner and his shirt ripped.. it’s not our baby’s day, y’all :((

He goes up onto the roof to get away from everything before he punches a whole in a wall- or in another person. He gets up top, sitting with his back to the ledge as he lights up a smoke. Grunting and grumbling to himself about everything that happened today, just thinking about being able to go home. Suddenly he gets a message from you. He sighs softly out of relief, and mumbles to himself ‘thank fuck.’

He opens the message, seeing a few little paragraphs about your day. You know he can’t text much during work, but you send him updates and he reads them at night whenever he can’t fall asleep. That way he still feels like he’s with you/talking to you while you get a good nights rest <3

He’s scrolling through the paragraphs, deciding to read a few to calm him down. He gets to the very top.. and he drops his smoke on himself., dropping his phone too. He quickly curses, brushing it off and stamping it out. He picks up his phone and.. the screen is broken. He’s so pissed off, poor baby. He manages to open his phone and see the picture through all of the cracks. He’s cursing to himself at how he can’t see the full picture. Suddenly he’s on his feet, heading down the stairs as fast as he can, ready to go home and make you recreate that photo..

Soap

We all know Soap is a menace. He probably sends you nudes (with your consent, of course) every few days. He’ll be trying on clothes and feeling himself? Who wouldn’t want to see a cute naked picture of him in the mirror. This definitely isn’t his first ball game, be sure of that ;)

Johnny has been having an alright day, mainly doing his duties nonchalantly, per usual. He manages to finish early and decides to hang out with some of the boys today, he knew you wouldn’t mind. Goes into the rec room where everyone was relaxing, playing pool, watching sports. He grabs a drink out of the mini fridge and kicks back on the couch, Ghost on his right, Alejandro on his left.

Between you and Johnny, you were definitely the more level headed one in the relationship. You knew that if you texted him throughout the day, he would get distracted and not get any work done, solely wanting to focus on you (just like a puppy, istg). He had texted you letting you know that he would be staying a little late today. You were always nice about it when he did that.. but today you felt a little needy, deciding to tease him a little.

He suddenly gets a text from you. Ghost and Ale, as nosy as ever, happen to be glancing at his phone screen when he opens his messages to a picture of a naked you on your knees, on your shared bed in front of a mirror, with the caption ‘that’s okay Johnny. just miss you, is all’. Johnny practically chokes on his drink, immediately slamming his phone against his chest, hoping Ghost and Ale didn’t see. He can already feel himself getting hard, and Ghost and Ale just chuckle. ‘Might want to get on home, Johnny’ they tease

Gaz

sweet, sweet baby Gaz. I wouldn’t be surprised if he wasn’t overly accustomed to sending nudes either!! In my mind he’s just the perfect gentleman, never initiating something like that unless you bring it up first :3

Gaz is outside, helping unload cargo from one of the trucks, just a usual shipment of supplies. He’s sweating his ass off, tired and ready for the day to end. He takes a break, sitting on a case of cargo for a moment and pulling out his phone. He sees a few messages from you and he smiles to himself, loving that you think of him throughout the day. He decides to go into the bathroom to get cleaned up. He walks in, grabbing a few paper towels to wipe some of his sweat off with as he opens his phone. First he sees a voice message, and he holds it up to his ear as he leans against a sink, ready to listen to his sweet love’s voice.

The audio recording starts to play. He immediately freezes, his body tensing as he listens to you. He could hear a faint buzz in the background, accompanied by your soft noises, clearly enjoying yourself. He’s frozen in place, barely comprehending what he’s listening to. The short voice recording ends and he just pulls his phone down from his ear, dumbfounded as he can already feel an erection growing. You send another text, a picture of you with a towel, cleaning yourself up. ‘I hope you’re having a good day <3’ is all you send with it. Let’s just say, he went into one of the bathroom stalls and didn’t come out for a little while, making sure to send you back a similar message. ‘My day is so much better now, baby’ he texts back with his own recording

I hope you guys liked this!! Please give me feedback, it would mean the world. Let me know if you want me to make a continuation of these, or do a part 2 with more characters!! Happy holidays <3

[desertfangs]

I know it's said in one of the later books that neither Daniel or Armand enjoy spending too much time in court and would rather go back to Trinity Gate but the thought of having Daniel there just being his ridiculous self a la QoTD is delightful. This is the same guy who was doing his own version of holding back laughter during a genocide and yes, part of it was because he'd recently been turned and was still in awe of everything but IMHO that's also part of who he is and how he responds to crisis situations. So picturing him being there during important meetings and witnessing the ins and outs of dealing with Lestat's court is hilarious. I imagine him having to excuse himself at times just to go to another room to let out the giggle he'd been holding back for hours because the whole thing IS kinda funny when you think about it.

LOL yes. I mean, Daniel was so overwhelmed when the Akasha thing went down. He'd almost died of alcoholism which absolutely means he spent the last days of his mortal life in this weird fog of confusion because of all of the ammonia in his brain since his kidneys were failing. Then he was turned into a vampire and overwhelmed by the strength and enormity of vampire senses and one of the first things he does is go to Lestat's concert, which had to feel surreal AF. Like, Daniel has been thinking of Lestat as this sort of almost mythical figure for over a decade and now on his like pretty much first night as a vampire, he's with Armand at Lestat's rock show? Tell me you wouldn't be laughing your ass off at the irony of that alone.

It's not that I think Daniel can't take things seriously, but I agree that he's definitely one of those people who's reaction to really dark and terrible things is to laugh and make jokes. Gallow's Humor is his friend. But IIRC he's pretty level-headed during the whole chaos in PL, so I think he can absolutely hold it in when he needs to, especially now that the colors of the wallpaper aren't distracting him and he knows how to manage his vampire senses better.

That said, I'm sure Court is ridiculous in a lot of ways. The part I think Daniel finds the funniest is that like... Marius, Lestat, and Louis are people he knows. Like he spent a decade with Louis and Lestat in the back of his mind as these people from Louis' story, and even Louis probably stopped feeling entirely real and then bam, they were just at his house for some long stretch of time. At this point, they're just people in his life.

But then at Court they're the Prince and the Prince Consort (whatever the fuck that means.... don't tell him, he knows what it means, he's just being an ass), and the Prime Minister, and things are probably often set up in a formal way in order to demonstrate to the younger set and the other immortals that this is a real, functioning vampire government (for now). And Daniel is just like... okay, sure, Lestat is the Prince or whatever, but that guy also keeps tagging me and Armand in instagram videos of people doing Blender Unboxings.

I'm sure he absolutely sometimes loses it when they're spending an hour debating some inane thing or whether to go stop some rogue vampire who is leaving a trail in some small country village or whatever their business entails. And it's worse if Lestat gets bored with it, because then the two of them start texting or having some kind of discussion with the Mind Gift and aren't paying attention, which frustrates whoever's leading the meeting (probably Marius). Maybe Lestat starts sending him suggestive mind images or who even knows. Or Armand starts giving him looks that means he's also thinking of which closet they abscond to when the meeting is over, and finally after some or all of this, Daniel has to stand up and exit the meeting so he doesn't burst out laughing in the middle of it.

I also think Daniel is very pragmatic and he as a pretty optimistic view of the world and vampirekind. So like sometimes while watching things go down, he's probably just standing in the background listening to some of the ancient vampires debate some archaic thing and finding it absurd. I would like Daniel Molloy's impressions of vampire court, because I'm sure he has some hilarious observations about the way they do things. So yeah, in those cases, too, he's probably sneaking off to go let out those giggles so he doesn't get yelled out again for not taking it seriously. And he does, but sometimes it's so absurd you can't help but laugh.

There's a lot of hilarity to be had in this scenario and a lot of potential for silly fic or fanart about it, because sometimes it is just kind of ridiculous, and Daniel absolutely understands that better than any of them. (Although I'm sure Armand does, too, and Lestat is in on the joke sometimes as well. But damn, he looks good in a crown!)

[sunshine--temptress]

Here's some Narry inspired by a conversation I was having with @prettyinsoulpunk about Shawn wearing Harry's old clothes and accidentally outing them and this happened...

Enjoy 😄

°•°•°•°

"I fucked up" 

Niall yawned and rubbed his face with his hands before dropping his phone on the nightstand. Whatever Shawn had done he could deal with it when it wasn't five in the morning. He turned around and wrapped his arms around Harry's warm body and pressed his face against the naked skin of his back. Harry moved and Niall tightened his arms around him. They were both so busy at the moment Niall wanted to enjoy the few days he had with Harry before he had to leave again to film his new music video. Niall also needed to go back to Ireland for a golf event so they would be apart again and Niall was dreading the moment Harry would pack his bags. He knew he would be back. Long gone were the days when Harry disappeared and Niall didn't know the next time he would see or even hear from Harry but he couldn't help but think about it whenever he and Harry had to go separate ways.

Niall was about to fall back asleep when his phone dinged again and again

"What 's it?" Mumbled Harry sleepily and Niall sighed. 

"Dunno, Shawn's havin' a crisis or somethin."

"Turn off the sound of your phone."

Niall reluctantly let go of Harry's body and reached for his phone when it dinged again. There were three notifications from Shawn and Niall noticed his Twitter mentions were also blowing up. Oh this meant no good. He suddenly felt very awake and against his better judgement he decided to open Shawn's messages.

"I'm so sorry"

"Please don't hate me"

"It wasn't on purpose"

Niall read each texts a few times and only leaving him more confused. Niall debated for a second if opening Twitter was really a good idea at five am but Niall pressed on the notification and it brought him directly to his mentions page. Niall immediately regretted his decision and suddenly Shawn's messages were making much more sense even if Niall still had no idea what happened. 

Narry is real @clarahoran2 

Thank you @ShawnMendes for confirming what we knew all along @NiallOfficial @Harry_Styles

ASDFGHJKL IT'S REAL @CarolinaESNY

I FUCKDKING JNEW IT!!!!! @NiallOfficial @Harry_Styles 

Shawn is the real MVP @NarryHoranStyles

@NiallOfficial @Harry_Styles ASFDHFKFLLJFJHSHAAS!!!?!??!!! IS IT TRUUUUUE????!????? PLS NIALL ANSWER ME!!!!!

Niall's mentions were going on like that forever, there were hundreds if not thousands of mentions asking about him and Harry and as much as it was a daily occurrence it was never like that and almost every Tweets also mentioned Shawn. What the hell has he done? Niall closed his eyes and took a deep breath. No matter what Shawn had said or done it looked like it was too late anyway. Niall turned his head and looked at Harry who was still sleeping peacefully next to him completely unaware about the shit show he would wake up to later. 

Niall and Harry had both agreed to keep their relationship on the down low for now, feeling that a coming out would eclipse the news of their new albums coming out soon. They wanted to release their new albums and then announce each of their tour and then they wanted to come out. Everything was planned, they had interviews scheduled, Niall with James on the Late Late show and Harry with Grimmy. It was supposed to be perfect until Shawn did...something?

Niall turned his attention back to his mobile in his hand, he closed Twitter and opened Google and searched his name. Bad idea probably but he needed to know. Every headline looked the same.

Former One Direction members Niall Horan and Harry Styles together? The news confirmed by a close friend of the couple. Click here to know everything.

Shawn Mendes spills the tea on what's really going on between Niall Horan and Harry Styles after they were spotted together at a concert.

Shawn Mendes is wearing Harry Styles' old clothes, he reveals where he got them and confirm what we already knew. Exclusive video.

Niall rolled his eyes. Every headlines were more ridiculous than the previous but this time they were all real. Headlines about him and Harry usually mentioned a band reunion or why the band had broken up not this. Niall knew Shawn wouldn't betray them, he knew he could trust him. Or at least he hoped because sadly in this business Niall had learned the harsh way you couldn't always trust people even close friends. Niall clicked on the link for the article claiming they had an exclusive video and Niall scrolled until he found it at the bottom of the page. He didn't bother reading what the article said. Niall pressed play and waited for the video to load. 

The image was frozen on Shawn, he was wearing one of Harry's old shirts. The black Saint Laurent one with white little flowers embroidered on it, it was one of Shawn's favourite pieces from Harry's closet. Harry had a closet full of old clothes that he didn't wear anymore since they did not fit his actual style and Shawn had found it in Niall's LA house. Harry told him he was welcome to wear whatever he liked as long as he was careful with them and put them back in the closet since even if he didn't wear them anymore he still loved these pieces a lot. 

The video started, it was Shawn getting out of a club. He was with Brian and Justin and there were a few girls obviously waiting for him. Shawn was smiling widely, clearly drunk, he was talking to the girls and taking pictures with them while one of their friends was filming. 

"I like your shirt," one of the girls said, "it looks like something Harry would wear."

Shawn was grinning from ear to ear when he answered excitedly "it is Harry's shirt, got it from Niall actually."

At the second the words escaped Shawn's mouth his smile fell off his face. Niall could see the moment Shawn realised what he had just said. It was obviously an accident. A very unfortunate accident but Niall knew he had been right and Shawn had not betrayed their trust. Niall closed the video and turned off the sound of his phone. He placed the phone back on the nightstand and closed his eyes. He knew he wouldn't sleep for the rest of the night, Niall could hear the bird slowly waking up and Harry would be next. It was getting close to six and Harry usually woke up at 6:30 for his morning run or yoga. If Niall fell back asleep Harry would wake up to hundreds of notification on his phone too and he would get confused or angry so it was for the best if Niall stayed awake so he could announce the news to Harry himself. For a short moment Niall was tempted to just erase the notifications from Harry's phone and pretend like nothing had happened but he couldn't do that. 

Niall stayed on his back, his hands crossed on his stomach and his eyes wide open. He fixed ceiling fan the ceiling until he felt almost dizzy and Harry starting to stir in his sleep. Niall knew Harry would be awake in a few minutes and he had absolutely no idea how he would tell him. How do you tell your boyfriend one of your close friends had accidentally outed you and your relationship? Harry surely would not be happy about this. He cherished his privacy and liked to do things on his own terms. 

The moment Harry woke up and realised he did not have Niall's arms wrapped around himself he turned around, his eyes still half closed.

"Niall, everything fine?" 

"No," sighed Niall, "we're gonna need to cancel some plans."

"What plans? What do you mean?" yawned Harry, confused.

"Our coming out plan," replied Niall avoiding to look at Harry.

"What? Why? Are you breaking up with me?" Harry asked, panicked and Niall should really have thought a little bit longer about how he was gonna tell Harry.

Niall turned on his side to look at Harry and tried to smile, he couldn't let Harry think that.

"No love, no. Sorry I didn't want to scare you but I did not sleep much. Let me start again."

Harry didn't look convinced but he didn't pull away when Niall reached for his hands. Niall leaned in and pressed a kiss on Harry's knuckles before speaking again.

"Do you remember a few hours ago when Shawn texted me?"

"You said something about a crisis?"

Niall nodded nervously, his eyes fixing the wall behind Harry instead of his eyes.

"He fucked up and he," Niall stopped himself to think about his next words but there was no easy way to say this," he accidentally outed us."

"He what?!" Shouted Harry, "How could he do that to us?"

Niall calmed down Harry and explained everything, he took his phone and showed him the video so he could see for himself that it really was an accident. When Niall dropped his phone between them on the bed Harry sighed and ran his hand through his hair a few times.

"Are you mad?" Harry asked.

"No, can't stay mad at the kid. Wish he had been more careful but m'not mad. Are you?"

"Not really, maybe a little I don't know."

"So, what do we do now?"

"I think we have two options," said Harry and Niall hummed for Harry to continue, "we can speak to his manager and with our respective team to shut the story down but it will look suspicious and people will be mad when we come out in a few months or we tell the truth now and deal with it. We wanted to come out anyway now or in a few months," sighed Harry. 

Harry was right and Niall smiled. It was not ideal and they both knew it but it was better than lying to their fans. Harry was amazing and Niall loved him so much. Harry squeezed Niall's hands and pressed a quick kiss to Niall's lips.

"I'll do whatever you decide pet."

"Let's deal with it now then."

Niall nodded and smiled again. Harry turned his body to reach for his phone and opened the camera. He snapped a selfie without warning Niall of what he was doing. He showed the selfie to Niall and it was perfect. Niall was smiling and looking at Harry who was looking directly at the camera a small smile on his lips. Harry sent it to Niall and they decided they would both post it at the same time on their respective social media account. Their team would be mad at them for doing this but they could deal with the consequences later.

As soon as the picture was posted their phone started blowing up again and Niall remembered he had never replied to Shawn's messages. Poor kid was probably panicking and thinking Niall and Harry were hating him. Niall typed a quick and simple "That was stupid but I don't hate you" and hit send. Niall turned his attention back to Harry and pushed him on his back and straddled his hips.

Harry arched an eyebrow and smirked.

"I don't think going out for a run is a good idea this morning but I know another way to keep you in shape," said Niall. 

"I like the way you think," replied Harry before grabbing Niall by the back of his head to kiss him.

[imahedonisticworm-blog]

Saturday’s inanity

I have been thinking lately maybe I should revise and expand my English vocabulary since there was a moment during a dull conversation which I could not find a word to conjure my thoughts. I have to admit I have been passively learning English for the past twelve years and currently, this process is hauled. 

I’ve been reading a lot and some people could say that mine was a passive reading style. I can vaguely understand the big picture but not the peculiarity of the writer’s subliminal message. That was why I found Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain was assertively supporting the institution of slavery even though the main character had shown a liberal personality. My ex-crush (Ouch!!!) told me to be able to comprehend the obscure humor of Mark Twain, one needs to be very impartial. I think I favored his opinions again, but then, again and again, that’s why he was my crush and now an ex-crush (things never work out between us) since we share the commonality but we are living in two different dimensions. Our paths will never cross each other despite my restless effort of trying to alter the movement of the universe. 

I got my first boyfriend when I was fourteen. He was one year older than me and we went to the same secondary school. We simply knew each other through friends, and for the record, I was unintentionally stealing him from one of the girls in our clique. (What?) He obviously saw her as his younger sister, and when I declared my fanciness towards him, she was voluntarily supporting me (then went home and wept a torrent, who knew?!). He asked me out eventually, and we dated for almost one year and a half. First love sucks. It was a terrible experience compared to when you go to the dentist and constantly feeling uptight. It was like that because my parents used to act like NSA agents. They thought I was too young to be in a relationship and there was a thing going on with the Asian’s Tiger Mom cliché. They forbade me from hanging out with him, sneakily checked my phone for any suspicious text, and seized my social life. I was dealing with my puberty crisis and their acts just exacerbated the situation. I still secretly skipped school to meet up with him and asked my loyal girlfriends to cover my ass. My ex-boyfriend could be considered a heartthrob but now he looks like a sunburned leprechaun.  My height is average for a girl but he’s would be is an oddity for a boy. I was in love, or maybe I was under teenage sedation. Our dating spot was usually a home theater where we could actually be alone (we didn’t go there just to watch movies 3 times per week?!). The luring lights from the screen contrasted with the dark had freed me from reality, into an artificial galaxy, into nothingness. When I was with him, time would stop, only us in a swimming pool full of sunshine and breeze. I would melt like butter on pancakes and his kiss was as tempted as maple syrup. While he was there, my sun, as I was a forgotten planet in greed of warmness. All of these infatuations never happened with him, and I was glad my mind was not infected by his presence. I do not hold any grudge against him. We were not what we expected. He seemed to be a nice person, he still does, but his biggest flaw was his flirtatious characteristic and damn, I was a skeptical bitch. We bickered every day until we broke up through text. We are acquaintances now, there were some occasional conversations, but that’s all. He said that we weren’t meant to be. I said that I’m just an intrigued ethereal piece of puzzle which would never fit in his mediocre picture of life. 

The second person to whom I devoted my time and mind was my high-school crush. I was a freshman and he had just started his senior year, we did not have much time left. Again, I joined another clique and this time all the girls fancied him. I was completely ignorant from the outset until one day, I decided that he was acceptably cute. He was very typical, member of the school’s basketball team, played cajón in a band, pretty good with English and was friends with other handsome guys (pls, he’s not gay). A perfect heterosexual target for any freshman girls. I was in the game of chatting, flirting, and competing against one of my girlfriends. No one won, but I lost. I ended up sabotaging my friendship and he ended up dating one of his classmates while toying with my feelings. I might have wasted my time on him. I joined the basketball team, I learned pen-tapping, I listened to rap and rock music, I went to school early and stayed overtime, hid behind 3rd-floor corridor secretly watched him playing basketball, all for his attention. I sounded like a stalker but I did not have any voodoo doll (yet?!) or photos of him for masturbating purpose(?!). My love for him was pure. It was soft like cotton candy, and melt in one’s mouth, leaving no traces (He did not know about my affection until years later). I kept texting him and hoping one day I would become somewhat important, but I eventually turned into his incidental past. He was aware of my fondness, he directly stated that you should date somebody else, stop having a crush on me. He should be praised for being truthful and I should have been attentive to those indications. Love is trivial. One day you make up your mind and decide that’s enough, I’m so done with this bullshit or you would just be like me, having this inane hope that it was all a lapse, I can come back and fix everything. Every time I read a love-like niche meme on social media or listening to pop songs with jejune meanings, they remind me of him, provoke poignancy in me. He was exquisite. I was just busy chasing his upside-down shadow that I forgot he was no longer a high-school sweetheart and I was no longer a carefree freshman. 

We are grown-up now and dealing with heartbreaks is time-consuming. We would meet, compromise our differentiated personalities, interlock our bodies in unison, generate progeny, bequeath our intelligence and knowledge to our offspring then finally decay into thin air. Human is an ephemeral organism. We exist to witness our prominent moments and let ourselves incinerated by time. Still, we overbear our life with self-deception.