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bitch-for-a-rainbow · 3 years

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Lex Luthor: I actually really like him and Supergirl made me mad

So, Lex Luthor is a very interesting, sometimes thought provoking, but most of all very enjoyable character.

Lex is many things, a classic egomaniacal villain, an example of what lies can do to a relationship, a walking, talking red flag, a warning of how hubris and jealously can destroy you, and much, much more. He is not the typical strain of insane— if crazy at all, highly competent, and best of all knows every one of Superman’s buttons and exactly how to press them.

I love watching Lex in every media I’ve ever seen him in going back to the original Christopher Reeve Superman. Every media, that is, except Supergirl. Why?

Because she isn’t fucking Superman.

Obviously, I love Supergirl— I run a blog with her in my icon— but there are certain things she is not and was never meant to be. Nemesis to Lex Luthor is right up there with a mass-murdering nazi (which is why the multiverse exists-- so that you can make her the first super on earth, Lex Luthor’s ex-friend, and not completely ignore the foundation of who they are as characters)

Lex is fun because he’s so smart, but also because of the personal stake he has with Superman. Lex felt jealous. In many cases, he felt betrayed. He let that fester into mania and then he built an evil radioactive robo-suit and committed mass murder. You know, like reasonable people do.

Lex was Superman’s friend and that gives his hatred of Kryptonians not only purpose, but emotional weight. Their relationship has that itching tension of painful history. In addition, Lex is extremely prideful. To him, Supergirl would be second class, she’s backup. And there is a story there: a story when Lex has a breakdown when backup knocks him into the sun, or the (in my opinion, less entertaining) version where Superman shows up to save her, reaffirming Lex’s worldview that he’s everything and defeating Superman means that Lex is the greatest and smartest, and even more stories beyond those that still adhere to its core principles— Kara and Lex as characters.

But Supergirl chose neither. Instead they chose another recycle Superman plot. And then another. And another.

I should make time to say that I like Jon Cryer; I think he’s doing a great job with what he’s been given. He’s got the charisma. He’s got the smarmy self-congratulating swagger down perfectly. The scenes where the real Lex pokes its ugly head through his facade are just great. I think in anything else he would have made an excellent Lex Luthor, but not here.

I was… disappointed with season 4. I liked 4x20– Kara and Lena investigating was fun at worst and at best had some really good edge of my seat moments. I thought that 4x16 “The House of L” was one of the best episodes of supergirl in a very long time and it still holds its place at least in my top 10, probably my top 5. But you will notice Lex wasn’t even in 4x20 and his places in 4x16 I actually enjoyed could easily have been occupied by any other intelligent villainous character. From a very basic point of view Col. Haley would have fit the mold of the manipulator training the compassionate but confused alien to kill— Wouldn’t have been her first time.

The later usages of Lex in Supergirl are also attempting a common Superman plot. Lex “redeems” himself, tricks the public into trusting him again by framing Superman for something, and eventually is once again revealed to be evil. It sounds like a repetitive, boring plot that would lose the audience suspension if belief after a few tries— “Seriously, this again. How are they not expecting this by now?” And that complaint works for Supergirl. Because Supergirl isn’t Superman.

Clark Kent was Lex Luthor’s best friend. Clark Kent ignored every warning sign and red flag waved in his face because Lex Luthor was his best friend. Clark Kent harbors a deep, abiding hurt and resentment from Lex’s betrayal. He has no trust for Lex, just like any hero would, but he also has the built up anger from repeated clashes with Lex and the initial betrayal. So when Lex returns, once again proclaiming he’s changed his ways, Superman’s response is a very public, very obviously bitter “yeah, right.” When Lex lays one of his traps for Superman, Clark is a little too rash. Lex Luthor knows how to push all of Clark’s buttons, even if he doesn’t know that they’re Clark’s. Lex can play him like a fiddle, and as for the general populace— would you be so steadfast in your trust of the invulnerable alien that could laser you in half in the blink of an eye and seems to be getting a little too comfortable in his role as peacekeeper? Would you, when even the slightest chance could slaughter your entire planet and you would have nothing and no one would could stop him— except, of course, Lex Luthor?

We’ve been shown through many media that when Lex can’t manipulate his opponent, when villain comes that is simply too big for him to work on, he is at incredible risk. There are several stories I can think of of the top of my head where Lex becomes a temporary ally of the heroes simply because he realizes he can’t manipulate this new, powerful player and that therefore they are a risk to him (I actually really like those stories because the dynamics between him and the heroes are incredibly fun and interesting— you start to get an idea of who Lex is underneath all of the wit and ego).

This is Supergirl’s great failure with Lex. The show understands that he is a genius— makes a great fuss about it. They understand that he is a manipulator— it’s his entire plot line with Lena. But they fail to understand that Lex’s ploys don’t work because he’s just so smart like the smartest ever. They work because he knows Superman and he knows that people are afraid of him— even the ones who trust and love him live with the knowledge that if he gets mind controlled or goes crazy, he could kill them all with ease, and that it’s happened before.

Supergirl wasn’t around for Lex’s turn. This Supergirl wasn’t even in that steady of contact with Clark. She has no stinging betrayal, no anger and bitter history to make her rash and predictable. Certainly by now, two seasons into Lex’s placement in the show, she is angry— but by all the evidence we’ve been given, Kara’s anger just makes her more volatile, unpredictable and sometimes genuinely down for murder, which is definitely not something Lex needs. We have seen her both let Lex “fall to his death” (when she wasn’t all that angry— she just accepted his suicide without trying to force him into prison) and nearly shoot him with laser vision (this time she was angry and emotionally unstable after the death of Argo and the more Lex centered anger that he revealed her identity and destroyed her relationship with Lena. There is no question that she would have killed-- or at the very least maimed-- him if The Monitor hadn’t intervened). If Superman just murdered Lex when he got angry, he would have died a dozen times over.

Lex doesn’t even have a basic understanding of Kara’s mindset. He can’t. Superman was raised by American humans in Kansas— he has a worldview that Lex could easily pick up on because it is at least based on watching most of the same events unfold as they grew up— and that’s if they had never met before they started fighting. Sure, he could assume Superman had some quirks from being an alien, but the base Americanized cultural standpoint was already affecting Lex’s machinations because he was an American. He’s familiar with the culture and values Superman follows— not so with Kara. I don’t even know if it was possible for him to obtain information on her religion, let alone the cultural views on justice. His research on her past fights would have been choppy at best, given that there are so many things that only Kara or the other Superfriends were there for. He can’t have the information about that fight on Mars where Kara literally disintegrated at least 3 white martians. He can’t know what happened with Reign beyond “she’s not going to be a problem anymore”. He might have more information about the Daxamite invasion through government records and his mother but the information is still limited. As for Non and Myriad, we don’t even know what happened to Non, and did they report to the DEO that J’onn literally tore Indigo in half (very graphically I might add). Or did they just say “They won’t be a problem anymore.” Lex may have been spying on Kara since Season 2, but how much is watching her civilian life going to help him understand her, when Kara’s civilian life was constructed to hide? Kara Danvers doesn’t say a lot of what she thinks to avoid notice, and even Supergirl keeps her mouth shut a lot of the time to try and maintain human-alien relations. The episodes where she squabbles with the Col. Haley and President Baker are full of her smiling and gritting her teeth through statements that clearly make her very angry.

Lex “falling to his death” and then getting shot at the end of season 4 was a great moment— it fit with the characters motivations, but it also unfortunately illustrated the problem with Supergirl characters interacting with Lex. J’onn was a soldier who kills people. Kara has killed people. Alex has killed people. This scene was not the first time we watched Lena try to murder someone with that gun. They are not restricted by the moral code Superman uses, which makes it both more difficult and more dangerous for Lex to try manipulating them— so he doesn’t and instead they skip the intermediary and rely wholly on him being able to manipulate the public. This works to an extent with Red Daughter, but only because anti-alien sentiment was at an all time high with the Children of Liberty, and because Lex lucked into an amnesiac supergirl clone. So little of the heavy lifting was actually done by Lex it feels less like his accomplishment and more like he cheated off of 3 different people and then bragged about his math skills. I said it before and I’ll say it again. The season 4 villain could have been anyone with moderate intelligence and resources. After crisis, the excuses just get weaker and weaker. I mean come on, he confessed to trying to mind control the whole world in front of the jury while screaming vile things at his sister who’s sitting there visibly flinching at his words and they unanimously voted not-guilty? Are you kidding? (Also after watching all the courtroom scenes in Supergirl... do they know how courtrooms work? I mean, I laughed as hard as anyone at the “I plead the 5th” line, but seriously. Do they?)

And Crisis was… a choice. I personally hated that they brought Lex back to life— more so because the in-universe reasoning was so weak. Lex Luthor does not face a whole lot of consequences, it’s true, but that’s because he has the genius, guile, and money to avoid them. To give him such an unearned out— especially after all the damage he’d done by dying— really hurt the both the stakes and the character. Lex is a human, and he fights Superman by taking advantage of very human things: corruption, anger, and fear as well as ingenuity and resourcefulness. He loads the deck in his favor— he doesn’t win on luck. And Lex in the CW Supergirl, seems to only win on luck. First he finds Red Daughter right when anti-alien sentiment is blowing up, then he is resurrected, then he finds out the crisis world loves him. He has had exactly 1 major victory based on his own work— manipulating Brainy. A manipulation which was really hard to believe when Brainy was, in canon, much, much smarter than Lex, familiar with his tactics, lying to the superfriends for no reason, and had no emotional reaction to cloud his judgement.

And even so, this one plot line was one of the more interesting ones in season 5 and the most Lex Luthor-like plot line the show has had. Even when I felt my suspension of disbelief slipping, it wasn’t entirely in tatters. Lex’s win felt somewhat earned.

He has been in the show for 2 1/2 seasons and he has had 1 major victory that felt at all earned. 2 and 1/2 seasons. That’s currently around 45% of the show’s run time.

All in all, we have 4 deeply related problems that plague the CW Supergirl Lex Luthor:

Lex Luthor’s plans rely as much on effective manipulation of Superman as they do on his own genius. Without that manipulation, his victories rely much more on happenstance and luck, making them feel less earned.

Lex Luthor cannot effectively manipulate Supergirl— at the very least, not in the beginning of their relationship, which CW Supergirl focuses on— nor does he try to manipulate her or much of the cast beyond Lena and once with Brainy.

Supergirl kills people. Supergirl has killed Lex. Superman doesn’t kill people.

Lex fighting Supergirl does not have the kind of inherent emotional weight that Lex fighting Superman does.

There are some other issues I have with the CW supergirl version of Lex, but I think if it was a Superman show I wouldn’t have minded. The large amount of screen time dedicated to him would make sense there, and the fact that he’s a cockroach seemingly impervious to any plot consequences would also fit more in line with Superman’s increasing frustration and make his manipulations more effective.

The only problem I have that wouldn’t been solved purely by making it about Superman is the crowding problem. In season 1, Non and the DEO were highly connected and fed each other as villains. Season 2 also fit that same block of alien vs. anti alien. Both of those secondary villains (the army/DEO in s1 and Cadmus in s2) were very much not as big a villain as the main. Season 3 sort of had a secondary villain with Morgan Edge, but he was mostly just a Lena problem. All of these seasons had a good balance between the villains screen time and also between the villains and heroes. It got a little more complicated with the extra world killers in s3, but still functioned fairly smoothly with focus on Reign. This is one of the main reasons that seasons 1 and 3 are my favorites. S4, however, got more cluttered. A lot more cluttered. Manchester Black, the Children of Liberty, Lex Luthor, Red Daughter, and Eve Tessmacher were all villains with multi-episode arcs handled directly by Supergirl herself. There was too much to cover, not enough connection, and not enough time— plus 2 new main cast members (Look, I love Nia and Brainy but that season had way too much going on). Season 5 had Leviathan, Lena Luthor, Lex Luthor and 2 new mains. Each of those villain arcs had their own distinct plot from one another and screen time started to become more choppy and spread out. Season 6 now has so far Lex Luthor, the phantom zone, and Nyxly, as well as the Zor-El mini-arc, and while I’ll give them some leeway for Melissa Beniost’s maternity leave, there is again too much in too little time. Villains are underdeveloped or not given weighty closures, each main gets less and less personal screentime, and every shot that doesn’t serve a good or entertaining purpose feels like pouring out water from a canteen in the desert, especially now in the last season. Lex has greatly suffered for this both in the rage at how much screen time he gets compared to other characters, Kara in particular, and because of how his arcs are still hobbled by the lack of it.

I just find myself wishing they’d restricted Lex to a 3 or 4 episode mini-arc, or just season 4 and saved him for the Superman and Lois show. They could have played the crisis resurrection as just an unfortunate coincidence of fate and had it be Superman’s problem from there on.

To Jon Cryer, may you never see this. It’s so very not your fault.

If anyone actually reads this whole thing and I got something wrong let me know. I’d love to discuss it. Today, I’m just trying to isolate the main issues I have with Lex in Supergirl.

#i spent way too long on this #And I'm pretty sure I still have typos and fragmented sentences #but im not spending another minute editing #so here you go #Supergirl #Lex Luthor

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metawish · 4 years

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Family x Hunter: My mini analysis about family relationships in HxH

I am a HUGE sucker for found family troupes and family-oriented stories. There just aren't enough stories to explore the nature of those relationships and how influencial they can be to our development as people. For those of us who's primary relationships are our families, we're left out of the dialouge.

So imagine my surprise when Hunter x Hunter ended up being the anime I can't stop thinking about precisely because of the MULTIPLE family relationships and psudorelationships that happen throughout the plot. Imagine my double surprise when it turns out those family relationships are prioritized and emphasized in the anime over others like the all too popular friendship.

Written for the Carnival of Aro’s Jan 2021 Theme: Stories

Take the premise as a starting point. Gon decides to become a hunter, not because it's cool or because he wants to find some rare cool thing he's never seen before. No, instead, he wants to become a hunter to get closer to his absent father. The ENTIRE show only happens because Gon is driven by a desire to connect with and forge a relationship with his father. I think I can safely say that the family aspect of Hunter x Hunter is embeded into it's core.

Then take a look at the reasons the other main four choose to become hunters. Kurapika is hoping to avenge the massacur of his family clan, a clan that does not interact with the outside world. His entire character arc and development is based on this goal of seeking revenge.

Killua is at the Hunter exam because he heard it was easy. But then we learn, he left home because he wants to REJECT his family obligation to take up the family business.

"Okay, fair," I hear you all say, "but what about Leorio? He just wants money."

Let me help you connect the dots here. First, he claims he wants to become a hunter because of the money. Then we learn he wants to use that money to become a doctor and then provide free medical treatment for those who cannot afford it. THEN we learn that this motivation STEMS from a childhood incident where a best friend of his ended up dying from a treatable illness because he couldn't afford the medical treatment neccessary. Leorio decided then that he did not want anyone else to experience that, tried to go at it the normal way, and realized that it would be nearly impossible for him to afford it. Any average person might end up giving up on this dream, but Leorio was so dedicated to his goal that he ended up training to become a hunter, a physically and mentally strenuous task. JUST so he can get access to more money.

If anything, Leorio's the one who's most motivated by platonic relationships! While Kurapika,Gon, and Killua's motivations are based on obligations to family, Leorio's motivation is only suggested. It isn't like this friend is still alive and Leorio is obligated to save him. No one but Leorio is beholden to the completion of his mission. The strength in that bond has to be strong for him to go to the lengths he did.

AND THIS IS ONLY THE VERY BEGINNING!

Gon's arc goes from becoming a hunter to finding his dad. Kurapika disappears from the story precisely because he is off getting revenge. Killua's development as a character entirely rests in the way he navigates between his family, with entire plots surrounding the Zoldyks. Leorio reenters the narrative JUST to show how deeply he cares for Gon and Killua, and serves as a nice foil to Ging, Gon's father.

I physically cried during Killua's final arc, when he apologized to his youngest sister, asking for her forgiveness after being a "bad big brother." Killua went from essentially running away from home rejecting his family, to asking for forgiveness from a cherished family member. And the nuance inbetween! Freeing himself from his oldest brother's mind control. Finding common ground with his father that, at least in the anime, never gets used against him. Rejecting the family business without rejecting the family. While it still feels incomplete, the joy at seeing him reconnect with a family member and promise to always be together forever made the little shrivelled starved heart of mine swell satisfied.

Killua is a perfect example of the story focusing on his family relationships over his friendships, or at the very least, implying that those family relationships are more important than those with his friend. Does Killua leverage the fact that he made a pact with his dad to never abandon a friend? Yeah. But the fact is that he still went to his family for help.

In the last episode, he tells Gon, his first and only friend, that they have to part ways since he has to protect his little sister. He even says that she comes first before Gon. After struggling to understand if Gon is as committed to him as Killua was to him, he finds closure in his little sister's dedication and wholesome affection. (When he asks Alluka if he was the only one in the whole world that loved her, would that be enough, her response was that she couldn't stop smiling. Because the answer was yes. And perhaps, it was also a question for Killua. Is Alluka's love for him enough?)

And Leorio. LEORIO. As I said, he disappears from the narrative, largely because his mission and Gon's are not the same. But when Gon is out of commission, Leorio comes back into play. The PLOT is affected by this decision and MOVES because if this. Leorio was simply trying to find a way to help his friend, and decides to publically ask his father where he is during such a critical time. Leorio's emotions at Ging's lack thereof ends up putting him in the spotlight, a spotlight he uses every time to seek answers for Gon and to reaffirm his commitment to saving Gon. As much as I HATED the slowmotion, the reunion between Leorio and Gon after Gon's been healed was felt deep in my SOUL. Contrast that QUITE LITERALLY with Ging's reaction and we have the potential for some major character development and storytelling about what a family relationship really is about.

Do we have to earn those familiar relationships? Are we expected to commit to people who are not committed to us simply because they are blood? Can we reject them? Is Killua's reject of his oldest brother over their younger sister a conflict that cannot be solved? Can we form them with strangers? Who is more of a stranger to Gon; his absent dad or the guy he met on a ship headed to an exam? Are we obligated to our family duties like Killua and the family business or Kurapika and his life destroying hunt to avenge his dead family?

Kurapika's story felt a little flat, which is a shame because there is so much potential to explore! The struggle to avenge his clan stems not from his clan, but from his own trauma and pain. His family was ripped right under him, leaving him no one to rely on. Instead of form new relationships, he rots along with his family. In a sense, his disappearance from the narrative represents his character regression, fading from existance like his family.

From a family taken away, to a father who was never there in the first place. Gon's story feels incomplete. Feels a bit like Gon's growth as a character is secondary to the advancement of the plot. Feels like sweeping major issues under the metaphorical rug and calling it a fun show. This man never once visited his son. When leaving a recording for his son, he flat out told Gon he did not want to see him at all. During his time in the hospital, never once did he visit. Sure, we see him remain confident that Gon is alright, but is this confidence misplaced? Is this even true confidence in a person he's never met before? I feel like I am missing a giant piece of the puzzle explaining why Gon, a 12 year old boy who had no male figure in his life, easily accepts Ging.

Let's not forget how Gon didn't even WANT to learn more about his birth mother, a mystery that we will never solve. Just another example of trying to answer what family means. Mito is an aunt, but to Gon, Mito is his mother. (Yet Ging can still be his father? Why not Leorio? A far more deserving man of any affection whatsoever.)

How the story should go. After meeting up with Ging, he continues to go on an adventure with him. As they travel through the far more dangerous continent, Gon faces death multiple times. All this while Ging continues without regard for his safety. Gon reflects, thinking back to his friend Killua, who would attack Gon if it was to protect him. Who called him the sun. Back to Leorio, who hugged Gon like he mattered. Who said he was sorry for not being there for him. As they continue on, he reflects on who really matters. A call for help from his friends. Does he answer the call or remain by his father's side?

What makes a familiar relationship? Blood? Obligation? Depth of affection? Trust? Who makes or breaks those ties? How much do we grow from those relationships?

Hunter x Hunter exceeds my expectations, but also fails to live up to the story it sets itself up to be. I never thought I'd see such an incredible character development that centers on family. I hoped for something on the Ging & Gon front, perhaps as a means of exploring my own thoughts on the matter. Sorely disappointed. I think about this anime often because there is still much left to the imagination. A story unfinished. Perhaps that's what makes it a good story; especially one that decides to kick the standard and focus on a relationship that all of us have dealt with, but many of us overlook.

Is this show good? Debatable. What isn't debatable is how important family is to the plot and character development of the show. Maybe, in an alternative world somewhere, there is a satisfying ending where Gon acknowledges his own family trauma. He realizes how important his friends are, maybe seeing them more as his own family. Kurapika's revenge slowly fizzles out, instead replaced by the need to protect what's still alive. Killua resolves his family issues while remaining true to himself and Leorio adopts Gon.

Maybe the real family is the one we make along the way.

#hunter x hunter #hxh #gon #killua #leorio #please give me more gen content

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midnightactual · 4 years

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Yoruichi and Co. & Kaien (Part 2)

Last time, in Part 1, I seemed to have exhausted Tumblr’s ability to nest images in a text post. So, let’s finish this up on this go-around:

Rukia & Kaien and the Hōgyoku

@mysteriousshopkeeper had a post fairly recently entitled Urahara’s Motive, Means and Opportunity for Suppressing the Hōgyoku, about why Kisuke chose Rukia as the host for the Hōgyoku. Within was the conclusion that she was chosen because, “I think she was most likely just a target of opportunity.” Our thinking (as we discuss these things regularly) has somewhat advanced since then (as evidenced in the post His Research), but given all the above, it has an even simpler explanation, given in chapter 268:

Rukia is—quite simply—Kaien’s final disciple, inheritor, heir, successor, protégé, or whatever else you want to call her, and thus the most recent and also purest of them. (It’s easy to see that Yoruichi and Kisuke, given the demands of the Onmitsukidō and 2nd Division, were likely at least partially corrupted, tainted, or compromised by their experiences, in a way which Rukia would not be.)

If you take it for granted that Yoruichi was heavily influenced by Kaien (which I think has been well-demonstrated), it would make sense that the same be true of Kisuke. If that was indeed the case, his selection of Rukia on the basis of her holding Kaien’s heart would make complete sense. But what other proof of this do we have...?

Kisuke and Yoruichi & Ichigo and Rukia

As early as chapter 48, during the fight with the Menos Grande, Kisuke indicates he already conceives of Ichigo and Rukia as a team:

Rukia’s efforts to try and save Ichigo here are, incidentally, another parallel with her trying to save him in the way she couldn’t save Kaien (as are her efforts to involve herself in the Grand Fisher fight, and her efforts to save him from Renji and Byakuya). However, Kisuke prevents her from doing this not just so that she can witness Ichigo’s growth, but so that she might grow herself. This will ultimately only be fully realized when Ichigo saves Rukia from the Sōkyoku, but you can see that he had already placed tremendous faith in them. Why?

It doesn’t make much sense... unless you accept that he believes that together, they are the true inheritors of Kaien. (The Sand and Rotator mimicking what Kaien promised, if you will). This is most obviously affirmed with his infamous ‘deathbed speech’ in chapter 666:

But other examples of it abound. Most (if not all) of these are focused on Ichigo, such as this example from earlier in chapter 48 (where Kisuke notably completely ignores Uryū, much as Yoruichi earlier ignored everyone but Ichigo):

Or this example from chapter 518:

Where Kisuke rebukes Chad (and Orihime, who is notably silent and thus seems to share his doubts about Ichigo) for not believing in him sufficiently.

Yoruichi’s input on Ichigo is more limited (and she has none on Rukia, which is bizarre given their similar history) but she clearly goes along with Kisuke’s general plan, and she articulates her thoughts directly to Renji during Ichigo’s bankai training in chapter 137:

Her rather carefully chosen and almost hesitating words here lead one to believe that what she’s saying is something of a cover, don’t they? Even still, note her words, “I believe in him.” Yoruichi never says that directly of anyone or anything else.

Taken together, I think it’s very hard to refute that Kisuke and Yoruichi have an unshakable belief in Ichigo and Rukia (even if it’s rather unstated in the latter’s case). A belief that they will do the right thing—like Kaien would’ve.

Rukia and Ichigo

So what do Rukia and Ichigo believe in anyway? What makes them, as @mysteriousshopkeeper put it, Kisuke’s “Chosen Champions”? The answer given would suffice: “And what do they have in common? Compassion. Ichigo is fiercely protective to those who can’t protect themselves, and even wants to reform Soul Society.* Rukia believes it is a shinigami’s duty to protect every conscious soul.” This is true enough, and they tell us as much in chapter 2:

Ichigo makes it clear that he doesn’t believe Rukia just helped him out of duty (and likewise, it’s clear she didn’t just help him because he resembled Kaien), but doubts his own commitment. (This is the same commitment Chad questions later in the manga, which Kisuke believed in absolutely.) Ichigo gives a few additional remarks in chapter 48:

These demonstrate the degree to which his desires to protect had expanded even by then, thus reaffirming Kisuke’s trust in him (and Rukia) in the same chapter. And it’s this same desire which Byakuya will identify after their fight, because Soul Society inherently endangers people. This is also what Kaien believed in... and imparted to Yoruichi, Kisuke, and Rukia, among others.

Kaien & Aizen

So, you might be wondering what all Kaien has to do with opposition to Aizen. I think that Aizen’s choice of threat to Ichigo in chapter 388 is more than literal:

Because Aizen goes on to mean it, more than literally, in chapters 410 and 414:

Aizen wanted to kill Ichigo’s friends to try and provoke Ichigo’s growth, to use him as a kind of yardstick for his own. This seems significant as Kaien tells us, in chapter 268:

It can be inferred, given Karakura is in Soul Society at this time, that were Ichigo’s friends to be killed, their deaths would be permanent... and they would die alone. Aizen’s threat to “rip out [Ichigo’s] heart” is, as I said, more than literal: he’s seeking to destroy Ichigo’s bonds with his friends in so far as possible.

In this regard, and in his more general behavior (such as his desire to “stand alone at the top”) he is not opposing Kisuke... but Kaien. So when Aizen angrily berates Kisuke, in chapter 421:

We can say that Aizen has simply failed to see what Kisuke (and Yoruichi) are trying to achieve through Ichigo and Rukia, in the image of Kaien. This is because Aizen is seemingly incapable of seeing beyond oneself as the primary actor in effecting change: he doesn’t see Kisuke immediately taking steps, so he assumes Kisuke accepts the status quo. It is plainly evident from his words elsewhere that Kisuke does not do any such thing.

It would seem that Aizen is apparently unable to even understand truly trusting in others, and it is this which makes him Kaien’s opposite.

Yoruichi & the Shiba in CFYOW

And on that note... we come to another core motivation of Yoruichi’s. I don’t really like or rate Can’t Fear Your Own World for a host of reasons (I think it’s rather like trying to turn the Appendices of Lord of the Rings into the 7th and 8th books of the series, featuring almost none of the main characters from the first 6 books), but I do think it provides some interesting insights into Yoruichi (although I disagree with some of its characterization of her).

In Chapter 2 of Volume 1, we have the following:

Shiba Kūkaku is both a pyrotechnist on the surface as well as behind the scenes, all involvement with Squad Zero and such were declared “side jobs”. It is for this reason, that there exists a curious big-shot like air about her, even if Hisagi, as Vice Captain of Squad 9, ranked higher in terms of station; many among the Vice Captains view her with a sense of respect.

In fact, although they are currently a fallen house, the Shiba clan is a respectable family that once produced a number of seated officers and Captain ranks, they were a family of good social standing to the degree that they were known as one of the “Five Great Noble Clans” alongside the likes of the Kuchiki and Shihōin clans.

For that matter, Shiba Kūkaku herself, who is standing before him, is also a considerably powerful person.

He has heard that she struck down one of the mighty gatekeepers of the Seireitei with Kidō alone; in Hisagi’s eyes, she wasn’t merely a pyrotechnician, but a figure of great influence hidden in the depths of Soul Society.

and also:

“…I wonder if big brother knew something.”

This brother he speaks of is Shiba Kaien who served as Ukitake’s lieutenant before the collapse of the Shiba clan.

Although they were ousted from their position as nobles due to his death and the disappearance of Kurosaki Isshin who belonged to a branch of the main house, Ganju still considered his big brother the pride of the Shiba clan even now.

Recalling the face of her older brother who was no more, Kūkaku cast her eyes down to her sake cup whilst forming her words.

“…Who knows. The Shinigami are only alert to external threats all for the sake of protecting Seireitei.”

...

“Just like it was with that Aizen bastard, when it comes to the Shinigami, they may just wind up becoming all kinds of thick-skinned against the scoundrels created by the Seireitei itself.”

We see in this that the Shiba remain movers and shakers, and are reminded of the relation that Aizen had with them (notably, having indirectly killed Kaien with the experiment of Metastacia, and having indirectly lead to Isshin deserting). We then get the following in the Epilogue of Volume 1:

In response to Yoruichi’s easygoing manner of speaking, Tokinada gave a wry smile, then his expression turned serious and he began to broach the real issue at hand. “I’d like to revive the five great noble clans… or in other words, I intend to propose a restoration of the Shiba clan.” At those words, Byakuya was still expressionless, Yoruichi raises one eyebrow ever so slightly. The Shiba clan were once part of the five great noble clans, but a man who was a descendant of that house and serving as captain of squad 10 at the time - Shiba Isshin - disappeared into the Human World, as a result they were stripped of their noble standing in the form of bearing responsibility for it. Members of Isshin’s household who were the branch family were broken up, and head house members Shiba Kūkaku and co who had taken up residence in Rukongai from the very beginning, were completely expunged even of their status amongst the five great noble clans which was already a mere title in name only at the time. As an outcome, they were formally prohibited from travelling in and out of Seireitei. But naturally, in Kūkaku’s case, she would later infiltrate the court by force accompanied by Jidanbō, the gatekeeper of the Hakutōmon* (* White Road Gate) in the west of Seireitei. As the two waited for him to continue with the conversation, Tokinada went on. “It’s true, Shiba Isshin’s departure is an act that can only be described as a betrayal towards Soul Society. However as a consequence of that, Isshin’s son… despite coming from the lineage of a branch family, Kurosaki Ichigo a descendant of the Shiba clan, defeated the king of Quincies. Don’t you think that meritorious service is enough to clear their name?” Because it was a view that was more earnest than what she could have imagined coming from him, Yoruichi in turn was suspicious of what Tokinada was thinking. Meanwhile, Byakuya’s facial expression remains as undisturbed as before, with a nonchalant air he spoke of his own thoughts. “I agree about Kurosaki Ichigo’s meritorious service, but Kurosaki Ichigo will not accept the status of a noble or anything of the like.” “That’s true. For that guy things like status and prestige are simply not regarded as a reward. Rather it only appears to be a nuisance to him at best. If you’re speaking for the sake of entire Shiba clan it may be better received, but neither Kūkaku nor Ganju are thinking of returning to nobility again.” After listening to Byakuya and Yoruichi’s words and quietly nodding in understanding, Tokinada gave a weak smile as he replied. “So, it’s true Kurosaki Ichigo is that sort of man. If that’s the case, then how about we make his two younger sisters nominal clan heads? They won’t need to be involved in any practical duties. It’ll only be a formality so there’s no problem.” “You’ve investigated even as far as Ichigo’s family members huh?… However, I don’t see what you’re getting at. Why are you so fixated on restoring the Shiba clan?” A look of vigilance was playing on Yoruichi’s face, at her question Tokinada replied with honesty. “Ah, for the sake of valuing justice. I have no problem forcibly getting things done with the might of the Tsunayashiro clan, but that will only create a breeding grounds for future problems amongst the people of Soul Society. They would think they were under my dictatorship wouldn’t they? For this reason, I want it to be known the world over that the Seireitei operates through just procedures.”

“……?” “So long as the five houses are all present, and we’ve acquired the Soul King’s formal consent – – the five great noble clans will have a position equivalent to that of the Soul King Palace and can become Seireitei’s decision making body surpassing the Central 46. Perhaps, the Central 46 at the time decided to decimate the Shiba clan in order to prevent a situation like that.” As he stifled his laughter, Tokinada continued even further. “In any case, have you never thought to question it? Why, out of the five great noble clans, it was the Shiba clan that were met with a cold reception from the very beginning? Supposedly, it’s because they took up residence in Rukongai in order to set up a Shiba clan secret cannon there. However, before they were stripped of their position amongst the five great noble clans, the Shiba clan received treatment no better than a bunch of poor people from lesser nobility. Aren’t you curious about both the Shiba clan and why it was deemed acceptable?” “Who knows, when looking at value alone, the Shiba clan residence was in no way inferior to the ordinary noble’s, perhaps they simply felt that was enough. However, I’m surprised by your arrogance, you go as far as to call even nobles, poor people.” Although it was a matter that was certainly on her mind, Yoruichi replied as if she wasn’t going to tread to deeply into that topic right now. She concluded that going along with Tokinada’s ideas here will only serve to stray further away from the truth instead.

Bold emphasis is mine. Notice Yoruichi’s suspicion here. Yoruichi will go on to have a verbal sparring match with Tokinada in Chapter 11 of Volume 2, but it isn’t immediately relevant. What is relevant is Chapter 16 of Volume 2:

Yoruichi held out her hand, displaying the contents. In her hand, stood a small columnar glass case, containing a human foetus fused with Hollow parts.

"This thing was lined up along with others in the Visuals Department. A bit incongruous for this department, don't you think? I don't recall seeing anything like this down here before. It would be nice if I could take it to the Central 46, but for the time being, I guess Kyoraku will suffice. Children are easier to manipulate as puppets, aren't they?"

Tokinada listened to Yoruichi, a sneer playing upon his lips.

"I don't disagree with the last statement. But is it really okay for you to reject my proposal regarding the Rei-o and the House of Shiba? The chat the three of us had the other day, you, me and Byakuya.."

"I don't know about li'l Byakuya, but I don't want any more trouble for Kukaku."

"Hoh?"

Tokinada smirked, looking interested. Yoruichi folded her arms and looked at Tokinada.

"I could still tolerate the idea of Aizen standing atop the heavens, but you, my friend, are a different story altogether."

"I see, I see. It is such an honour to be treated as a greater rogue than Aizen."

"Did you not hear what I just said? I meant that you're a sleaze-bag."

Yoruichi re-phrased her statement. Tokinada laughed aloud.

"Ahahahaha! Indeed! There is a big difference! But it is strange to hear such words from you of all people. You too belong to the Four Great Noble Families."

"I'll say it again and again. I don't care about my ancestors. I don't care about head-ship. Your family lineage and past deeds are irrelevant to me. I don't give a damn about the will of your family."

"That's right, yes. You don't care about our family, but you do care about Byakuya. Not that I'm envious, mind you. Yes, even the House of Kuchiki that commands the greatest respect. It stands firm like a tall tree, but if you start peeling off the bark from the outside, the core is just like ours. They are just as corrupted as we are. Still, the House of Kuchiki acts as a pillar supporting the Seireitei, unlike the House of Tsunayashiro, which is rotten to the sprouts rather than the trunk."

Bold emphasis is again mine. Yoruichi’s personal disgust with Tokinada aside (and it’s notable that she holds him in even greater disgust than Aizen), her main concern throughout seems to be the wellbeing of the Shiba, particularly Kūkaku. It’s also interesting that Tokinada is so fixated on why the Shiba were treated poorly “from the very beginning.” The answer as to why is obvious: because they fought Soul Society’s laws—something which Yoruichi herself has carried on doing, as this essay has hopefully made clear (and which is also hinted at in one of the bolded sections).

You come away with the sense that, although Yoruichi is a Shihōin by blood, by heart she’s practically a Shiba, and I feel this is echoed with her actions and choices throughout the actual manga.

Summary & Conclusion

I would hope that after all this some core takeaway ideas have been substantiated, at least in part:

Yoruichi obviously had a close personal relationship with Kaien

Yoruichi accepted the bulk if not the entirety of Kaien’s value system

Directly or indirectly by either Kaien or Yoruichi, these values were also passed on to Kisuke (and Tessai)

Yoruichi, Kisuke, and Kūkaku all recognized Ichigo’s similarity to Kaien in their own way, not just Rukia, Jūshirō, and Byakuya

Yoruichi (like Rukia) achieved what Rukia failed to do with Kaien by saving Ichigo

Yoruichi (and Kisuke) refute Jūshirō’s logic, which got Kaien killed

Yoruichi (and Ichigo) thus turned Jūshirō to insurrection as well

Yoruichi (and Kisuke), much like both Ichigo and Kaien, is involved in fighting the laws of Soul Society

Kisuke (and Yoruichi) saw and believe that Rukia was Kaien’s rightful heir

Kisuke (and Yoruichi) believe in Rukia and Ichigo as a unit standing in for Kaien in the scheme of opposing the rules (and history) of Soul Society

Kisuke and Yoruichi moved forward on a plan to change Soul Society which revolved around Ichigo and Rukia acting in Kaien’s stead

Rukia and Ichigo’s ethos, ethics, morals, and philosophy (their “will”) are a continuation (and possibly expansion) of Kaien’s

Kaien’s will existed in direct opposition to Aizen’s, although they had an ultimately similar objective (fighting Soul Society’s laws)

Yoruichi is in large part motivated by Kaien’s will and identifies heavily with, and is very sympathetic to, the Shiba clan

Anyway, thanks for reading if you made it this far in!

#Out Of Character #Bleach #Meta #Headcanons #Yoruichi Shihouin #[ this one is certainly okay to reblog ]

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bryonysimcox · 5 years

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Life on the Road: Week 1, France

A week ago we had just reached French shores and stayed the night near the Belgium border. Now, over a thousand kilometres later, I look back at life on the road in Suzi the HiAce.

The days before we left England, I was filled with nerves. A weird sort of apprehension-excitement-fear combo descended on me, especially as George left me alone for a day whilst he headed up to Manchester to do a last-minute video shoot. Then, Monday morning finally came and I was so glad we were ready to leave, given that my mind had been running in circles in the days prior.

Even if we had forgotten things, not planned for certain eventualities, I was ready to go and to start our long-awaited trip.

The drive to Dover was somewhat uneventful, punctuated by a welcome visit at my Aunt’s house in Ashford, and a lovely meal, sharing stories of places travelled and frantically jotting notes down from my knowledgeable relatives about the best routes to take (and tolls to avoid!) in France. We arrived at the ferry terminal with ages to spare, an unusual departure from George and my usual tendency to leave everything to the last minute. Once on French soil, we really enjoyed taking in the surroundings of the north coast. Although an altogether flat and industrial area, Dunkirk and the neighbouring villages were peppered with characterful qualities: the ‘Gilets Jaunes’ hosting small road-side bonfires, faded signage painted on brick facades, and unusual Flemish-style housing with tiled roofs and shuttered windows. We started to search online for the history of places we saw and towns we passed through, often discovering impressive stories from both the world wars of soldiers’ resistance and the resilience of ordinary local folk. This activity of reading a place’s Wikipedia page as evening entertainment has become a bit of a habit!

(images, left to right) Exploring the streets of Dunkirk, a much-needed celebratory champagne/beer on the ferry from Dover, and me outside Suzi on our drive to Paris.

En route to Paris, we risked the tolls and experienced the aggression of French drivers when they get stuck behind a 25-year old fully-laden campervan. Tolls are something we’re generally going to avoid; whilst they save you time, we’d rather save the money and enjoy the more scenic routes. But in this instance, we got to France’s capital nice and quickly, and found free showers at the roadside services as a bonus.

The two and a half days we spent in Paris were just perfect: we kept things slow and cheap rather than trying to see and do everything.

Based on advice from other vanlifers, we opted to park up in a suburb on the outskirts of the city and catch the train each day. Despite protests from railway workers and closed train lines making headline news whilst we were there, the line we took seemed unaffected and it worked out brilliantly - we would pop up at the station outside Notre Dame, and each day take in the sights of the city by foot. Road closures left streets feeling calm and quiet, combined with the fact that the freezing cold temperatures were keeping the crowds away!

Generally, we mooched around the Quartier Latin and the student areas, centred on the Pantheon and Rue Mouffetard, the city’s oldest street. I was impressed to see sustainable, human-centred initiatives across the city, no-doubt linked to the forward-thinking stance of Paris’ mayor, Anne Hidalgo (a renowned figure in urban design circles). There were lots of bicycles, generous pedestrian spaces, electric car charging stations and even billboards announcing the city’s ‘participatory budgeting’ scheme, although the lack of green spaces and trees was apparent too.

(images, left to right) Filming in Le Jardin du Luxembourg, wandering along the Seine, and escaping from the cold in a super-cool Parisien cafe.

We were lucky enough to catch up with friends and family in Paris, which made the big city feel warm and welcoming.

On the first night, a girl who I had met back in Sydney when we both volunteered at a not-for-profit restaurant met up with us and showed us the local’s perspective into the best inner-city spots for wandering and socialising. On Thursday, what began as George randomly spotting that an old bandmate of his was also in Paris, resulted in a couple of beers that evening with him and his girlfriend. And the next day, we were able to see one of my cousins, along with his wife and newborn baby, in their apartment in the 11th arrondissement. These encounters were so enjoyable, and were a powerful reminder that it will be the people we see and spend time with along this trip that define it.

Sad to leave but ready for the next step, we left Paris in the knowledge that life admin was on the cards. We wanted to get a gas refill for our spare gas bottle so that when we run out on our first tank in some middle-of-nowhere location, we don’t have to eat cold spaghetti! After a few delightful days of being tourists in Paris, including filming our first episode of ‘Place Portraits’ about film photography through our documentary channel Broaden, spending a tireless day looking for the right gas refill felt like a fall from grace.

We quickly learned that all the little things like gas, electricity and water can take up a lot of time when you’re living in a van and you’re in a foreign country.

Eventually laden with a new (albeit pricey) bottle of gas, we headed out towards the countryside to find somewhere to stay for the night. We didn’t get that far, and stopped in the town of Fontainbleu - renowned for its historic connections to French royalty (also worth checking out the Wikipedia page). We found our parking spot through the fantastic app ‘Park4Night’, and this location reaffirmed just how awesome the app can be, as it led us to a space literally outside the gates to Fontainbleu Castle!

(images, left to right) A morning run around Fontainbleu Castle, a very excitable me after said run, and our epic camping spot outside the castle gates.

One of mine and George’s priorities has been to squeeze in exercise along the journey. Staying active is not only important to the two of us, but essential when you’re often sitting still in a van for long distances. The only thing getting in the way of doing lots of exercise is the fact that we don’t have a shower (though we’re looking into a small one with submersible pump and would love recommendations from folks who have used them before). Nonetheless, we did a 5K run around the eery castle grounds at Fontainbleu, and I’ve tailored a workout with the NikeTraining app that I can just about do lying in the van. As for the washing situation, well it’s either boiling a kettle and doing a face-cloth shower, or heading to public swimming pools (as we did in Lyon) and making use of the facilities whilst squeezing a swim in as well.

With dreams of snow, we spent two days headed south-east, through Lyon, towards the Alps. Unfortunately, it turned out to be a bit of a half-baked plan and we eventually decided to give up on the idea.

We had gotten quite close to the Alps before we decided it wasn’t worth it. We’d been tracking slower than expected, and had generally realised that Suzi can’t just whizz up hilly roads as we’d like. Given that we also had no plans to ski (and were just headed there for the views and hikes), it felt like a huge commitment for not all that much reward. It was a frustrating decision, but a good first experience in the reality of trip-planning and timing.

Almost a week in, and it felt like we’d hit our first slump: giving up on the Alps and generally being aware that Suzi is an old van with a somewhat unreliable engine. Although we’ve had no issues with her so far, other than underwhelming fuel efficiency, George is conscious that we may have worn piston rings. The piston rings are something that could cause us issues in the future, so we’re closely monitoring them for now and on the look-out for a reliable garage in South France/Spain that may be able to have a look at them and give us an idea of what repairs may cost.

(images, left to right) Emptying the wastewater tank and filling up on fresh water at an ‘Aire du Camping-Car’, stocking up on much-needed bread and cheese, and editing footage inside the van in true hot-desking style!

Changing the plan and re-diverting west turned out to be a real positive. We ventured along some alpine roads through the stunning scenery of the Parc Natural Regional Livradois-Forez and ended the first week on a high - parked up in the middle of nowhere safe and sound in the van.

That evening, we ate fresh baguette with local cheese and snuggled under our blanket watching a BBC crime drama. With no other sign of life in sight, we finally felt free - next to a stream in a misty forest, accompanied by the soundtrack of light rain. It wasn’t the most stunning place, the most famous or the most extreme, but it was just right.

#traveldiaries #SuzitheVan #ToyotaHiace #OverlandAdventures #DigitalNomads #BryonyandGeorge #vanlife #hiacevan #lifethroughalens #vanliving #consciouscommunity

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robininthelabyrinth · 6 years

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Fic: An Internal Affair - Chapter 8 (Ao3 link)

Fandom: The Flash Pairing: Leonard Snart/Barry Allen

Summary: Leonard Snart, the CCPD Captain of Internal Affairs, is known as Captain Cold for a very good reason: He hates corrupt cops with a merciless vengeance, and once you’re on his list, you’re in serious trouble.

His next target?

A CCPD lab tech named Barry Allen who’s developed a suspicious habit of disappearing at random intervals.

—————————————————————————————————

Barry's got hearts in his eyes, a song on his lips, and he feels like he could fly.

Not literally, which is a good thing - he can run up sheer building faces if he builds up enough speed, apparently, but flying is still out of the question at the moment, though Cisco, while musing, said something mildly terrifying about the possibility of creating lift using Barry's legs to make a cyclone - but just, you know, metaphorically.

Okay, yes, his life still sucks in basically every way: Captain Cold is still at large and gunning for both of Barry's personas, Iris is still on the new task force (officially, it's supposed to be an investigative and analytical unit dealing in unusual phenomena in Central, but given its new precinct nickname as the Anti-Flash Task Force, Barry's got his doubts), the Man in Yellow is still out there and Barry's no closer to either catching him or proving his dad's innocence, Barry's still having a crisis of conscience over whether what he's doing as the Flash is the right thing to do or not...

But!

His date with Len was - amazing.

Barry's never connected so easily with someone. They talked about - everything. His dad, Iris - Len was so understanding about what Barry was going through, and he opened up, too, about his best friend and his complicated relationship with his sister...

They even root for the same sports teams!

(Okay, Central City only has the ones, but whatever, it's nice to commiserate with someone who understands the sheer euphoric misery of rooting for the worst team in the league...)

Seriously, that might have been the best date of Barry's life, and he's still not sure if Len wants to be more-than-friends or just keep it platonic.

Barry knows which one he'd prefer.

God, he's still not over how absolutely it was. Barry actually had the chance to talk about Iris, really talked about her instead of lying about the depth of his feelings about her, and instead of being repelled, Len understood.

"She's your anchor," Len told him, a small, fond smirk curling his lips. "Someone fundamental. Someone necessary for you to be you. I get that."

For Len, his first anchor had been his sister. He'd practically raised her; she'd been the center of his world for a long time. Only after she grew up did he make a conscious effort to distance himself - for her own benefit, he said wistfully, to make sure she had the room to spread her wings and fly - but Barry can tell that Len still cares for her deeply.

Just like he cares for his best friend, Mick. That's the one in the hospital, following the incident that Len didn't want to talk about – if Barry's theories about Len's history were right, probably the criminal job gone wrong that ultimately inspired Len to get out of the business and go straight, though of course it could be anything. Len made it very clear that while they were purely platonic, he considered his relationship with Mick to be as important as any other relationship in his life, and that he wouldn't sacrifice it for anything, not even while Mick stayed in the coma.

Barry gets that. He totally gets it, really - it's the same way with him and Iris. Sure, he's also in love with her, but he knows by now that barring something horrific happening that he would never wish on anyone, much less his best friend, he's probably not going to be with her, and, well, he's learning to be okay with that. But even accepting that, in no universe can he imagine a life without Iris, a world where she isn't his best friend and a part of his life.

Maybe that's why Barry empathizes with Len so strongly over his situation.

God, it's just occurring to him that Iris was in Len's exact situation - Barry in a coma for nine months, with no idea if he'd ever wake up...

No wonder her bond with Eddie is so strong. He was there for her when she really needed someone.

Yeah, Barry's - no, saying he's okay with it is a lie, but he thinks he's starting to really see a path forward.

That path doesn't lead to the house he'd always dreamed he'd live in, with Iris and their kids calling him Dad and complaining about their day as they settle down to dinner, no, but maybe to something near that: an apartment down the street from Iris' house, swinging by in the afternoon to cries of "Uncle Barry!", Eddie and Iris beckoning him into the living room for homemade smoothies and neighborhood gossip, Eddie looking at Iris with pride and love in his eyes when he thinks she's not looking and Barry watching them both, his heart full, not of jealousy, but of pride and joy that they're letting him be involved...

A pair of hands falling onto his shoulders from behind, a charming smile and a habitually insincere apology about running late after getting caught up at work as Len leans down and presses his lips to Barry's cheek -

Whoa, there, Barry tells himself firmly. Definitely getting ahead of myself there.

Pretty nice to daydream about, though...

"I bet we get another postponement," Detective Lloyd groans in Barry's ear. "What a waste!"

Barry twitches, knocked out of his cheerful musings.

Right.

He's technically at work.

Only technically, though - he's at court to testify about one of the crime scenes he examined and the results of the tests he conducted, including the one that led to the defendant's arrest on numerous charges. It isn't Barry's favorite part of his job - far from it - but it's necessary, and he doesn't mind it.

Besides, if he's finished all of his currently ongoing projects by the time court starts, he gets whatever remains of the day after the court hearing off of work without using up any of his (rapidly dwindling) vacation time.

"I think there's a chance we'll be heard today," Barry says encouragingly to the man. He’s not exactly thrilled to be stuck here with Detective Walter Lloyd, the investigating detective assigned to the same case, but it could be worse. They've been on the same case team a few times, Barry and Detective Lloyd - he'd made it clear that they weren't close enough for Barry to get to use 'Walter', but other than that, Barry thought they worked pretty decently together. Lloyd never questioned Barry's results and even sometimes took Barry's suggestions.

Of course, he has a bad habit of always asking Barry to get him his coffee...

"Yeah, maybe," Detective Lloyd says skeptically. "I bet the perp's lawyers are doing this on purpose, getting us called in and then making a whole bunch of motions so we're just stuck out here, waiting..."

"I'm sure that's not it."

"Shows what you know. Hey, were you planning on getting something from the canteen?"

"I wasn't, actually," Barry says, but he's already resigned.

"Great! Could you get me a coffee? Two sugars, no milk. You're a real pal; I'm dying here."

Barry really wants to tell him to go to hell, but he is getting a bit restless. Might as well go to the canteen.

Maybe Iris' occasional accusation that Barry's a bit of a pushover has a tiny little bit of merit...

Barry's already gone down the stairs and is halfway down the hall when he hears it.

Someone's talking about the Streak in one of the courtrooms!

It must be a hearing related to one of the people Barry caught during one of his earlier exploits, he guesses. He can't resist slipping in through the door to listen, wondering what they're saying about him.

Maybe this will help Barry with his moral crisis regarding what to do about the Anti-Flash Task Force, which has only gotten worse.

Once Joe stopped being ridiculous and trying to forbid Iris from getting involved with the task force at all without explaining why (a futile attempt that only served to piss her off more), he announced that they needed to get Eddie to start feeding Team Flash information from the Force so they could start throwing them off the scent at once. Wells agreed, pointing out that this Force could represent a real threat to Barry's ability to protect the city as the Flash.

Barry expressed his concern - that this was the good intentioned path to corruption - but both Joe and Wells thought he was being unreasonable.

Barry doesn't trust Joe's opinion when he's on a West family warpath, though, and he's still conflicted. Some solid evidence of the good that he's doing would be a great way to reaffirm that he's doing the right thing...

"- in fact, your Honor, not a single policeman can testify to having seen my client committing any crime whatsoever," the lawyer standing before the bar is saying.

The judge is frowning at him. "Are you actually saying that the case against the defendant should be dismissed for lack of, what, eyewitness evidence?"

Yeah, that's totally not going to work - Barry doesn't need to be a lawyer to know that. Most cases these days get proven by circumstantial evidence, not direct eyewitness testimony.

"No, your Honor, not at all," the lawyer says politely. "This is a question of evidence, and whether the State has sufficient grounds to even bring these charges. This case isn't just circumstantial - it's a fabrication! My client and his associates were not arrested in the midst of committing a crime, as the prosecution suggests; on the contrary, every policeman here will testify that the first time they saw my client and his associates was when they appeared, sitting on the ground, in the front hall of the police station."

Oh, Barry remembers this one: they'd been trying to rob a jewelry store when he'd nabbed them.

"And what of the suggestion by the prosecution that your client was brought to the police station specifically to prevent him from committing the crime in question?" the judge asks.

"As I stated earlier, your Honor, the only facts that are accepted are that my client appeared in the police station as the victim of an assault by this so-called Streak," the lawyer says.

What?!

"It was only because he appeared at the station that the police even began investigating my client's activity. There is more than mere reasonable doubt as to what they supposedly 'found' here," the lawyer continues. "This is nothing more than the police sweeping their own incompetence under the rug -"

What?!

"I don't think we need to go that far," the judge says. "On what grounds are you making your motion to dismiss?"

"An illicit search and a violation of the chain of custody for any relevant evidence," the lawyer replies promptly. "Any evidence obtained against my client was unlawfully obtained - the police only began their investigations once my client was in custody. It's all fruit of the poisoned tree."

No, seriously, what the fuck?! Is this lawyer actually trying to get those robbers off the hook by saying that Barry's involvement, what, separated the criminals from the evidence of their crimes so that no one could be sure they were actually committing the crime?!

"I see," the judge says. "An interesting point. What's the prosecution's response?"

Holy crap, is it working?

The prosecutor gets up. "Your Honor, my esteemed colleague has gotten the law of this state exactly backwards," she says. "While it is true that the investigation began after Mr. Daughtry appeared at the police station, that does not render the later-discovered evidence, including the videotapes from the jewelry store showing Mr. Daughtry breaking the lock on the door, videotapes that were obtained pursuant to a lawful warrant, into fruit of the poisoned tree. In fact, as this Court held in Martinez v. State ex rel Gonzalez -"

Barry ducks back out of the courtroom, his good mood well and truly ruined.

He literally caught those guys mid-heist, and they're blaming him for stopping them? Would they have preferred that he wait for them to finish robbing the place first? What a stupid argument!

Ugh.

Lawyers.

Maybe he should look into getting a lawyer's advice as to what would be the best way to keep the chain of custody intact so as not to ruin the evidence for the prosecution of the people he stops...without revealing himself as the Flash. Somehow.

Being a superhero is a lot trickier than Barry originally thought. Justice doesn't end when you've defeated the bad guy, after all.

Ugh, this doesn't help Barry's crisis at all. He'll have to be more careful going forward, obviously, and think more about what he's doing, but that doesn't necessarily mean he should stop or anything. After all, those guys were robbing that store, and the prosecution has video evidence to prove it. Barry's pretty confident the lawyer's argument, however clever, isn't going to fly.

But interfering with an active investigation the way Joe and Professor Wells are suggesting...?

If anyone found out they were doing that, wouldn't that just undermine any future arrests Barry contributes to as the Flash? But, on the other hand, if he gets caught, there won't be anyone to stop the metas, so surely keeping himself free should be the top priority – between saving people from real imminent danger vs. getting the bad guys put away for good, the former is vastly more important.

Clearly Barry needs to keep going.

And yet - where does he draw the line between doing good as the Flash and doing bad things in support of that? Where does it stop being the right thing to do?

What if this is where it starts? A justified, justifiable little thing. And where it ends is - well.

Ralph Dibny.

Barry needs to figure this out. And fast.

And for that, unfortunately, he's going to need help – help straight from the source.

"Where'd you go to get the coffee?" Lloyd complains when he sees Barry coming back. "South America?"

"Uh," Barry says. He'd totally forgotten to get the coffee. "They were - out."

"Typical," Lloyd sighs. "Anyway, one of the jurors got sick, and we got postponed. I told you it'd happen."

"You said it'd be the defense -"

"Whatever. I'm going back to the office; you want a lift?"

"Uh, no, I'm taking the rest of the day off -"

"Right, testifying perk for staff. Doing anything fun?"

"No," Barry says grimly. "Not really."

Barry hasn't exactly kept track of Dibny's whereabouts or anything, but a simple Google search is enough to find a - well, pretty awful and horrifically tacky website advertising the services of Ralph Dibny, Private Investigator, and on the website there's the address of a sketchy downtown office building.

Barry can't believe he's doing this.

Before he can talk himself out of it, though, he zips over to the right address, goes upstairs and knocks at the door with Dibny’s name on it.

"Come in!"

Barry goes in.

It's a ratty little office with Dibny sitting in a chair turned away from the entranceway, facing the window instead of the door.

Weird.

"Welcome to my humble office," Dibny announces in a grandiose manner. "Don't let its appearance mislead you, for I - I am the solution to all of your hopes and dreams and -"

He starts to spin his chair around slowly.

"...oh. It's you." Dibny scowls, dropping the act and spinning the rest of the way around at normal speed. "Barry Allen. What the hell are you of all people doing here?"

Barry's shoulders go straight up to his ears. God, he hates Dibny so much. "What was with that - spin thing, anyway?" he asks instead, because that was weird.

"It's impressive! For the ladies." Dibny's scowl deepens. "I was hoping you were a hot chick."

"Get a lot of those here?" Barry snipes, unable to help himself.

"Don't get a lot of backstabbing cop wannabes, either," Dibny sneers.

"Backstabbing?!"

"Oh, please tell me you've come crawling for my help," Dibny continues. "Because man, turning you down would make my month -"

"What the hell are you on, backstabbing?" Barry demands. He doesn't even care about the 'wannabe' part of it, cops always imagine that everyone not on the beat longs to be, but backstabbing? "What are you talking about? You broke the law! You! That's all on you!"

"You were the one who turned me in!"

"Yeah, I did, because you broke the law. You tried to frame someone!"

"Oh, so what?" Dibny snaps. "We all knew he was guilty -"

"That doesn't give you the right to fake evidence -"

"I was pursuing justice for that poor murdered woman -"

"Oh, bullshit! You didn't care about her. You don’t even remember her name! You just wanted everyone fawning over you for getting the collar -"

"So? That's a reasonable thing to want. There's nothing to say that I can't have them both, is there?"

"Ugh, I can't believe I ever came here," Barry says, scowling. "I must have lost my mind."

He turns to go.

"No, wait!"

Barry pauses and glances back at Dibny, who eels out of his chair and around to the front his desk.

"You came all this way," Dibny says. "You might as well sit down and talk a bit."

He gestures at the empty chair near Barry.

Barry's pretty sure Dibny just wants an excuse to rub this whole thing in Barry's face.

But he does want those answers...

Reluctantly, he steps back away from the door and towards the chair.

"Great!" Dibny says, popping himself onto the desk. He uses the opportunity to shove a folder on his desk underneath his computer, like Barry would even care what sort of stupid cases he’s working on. "No harm in a bit of talking, am I right?"

"I can think of plenty of harm," Barry shoots back. "Mostly to my ears."

"Hey, remember, you're the one who came to me," Dibny points out.

Sadly, he's got a point.

"And speaking of which, what does bring an upstanding member of the CCPD down to my oh-so-humble abode? Got a job you need little old me for?"

"As if," Barry scoffs. Literally never going to happen.

Dibny grits his teeth. “Okay, fine, not a job – you here about the mayor or something?”

“What? No. What does the mayor have to do with anything?”

“He doesn’t,” Dibny says, like that makes any sense. “So it’s information you want, then. You want me to mine my contacts for information -"

"You have contacts? You?" Barry asks. He knows he should stop being a dick, but Dibny makes it so very difficult. "What do you pay them with, birdseed?"

"Hey, I have plenty of contacts," Dibny protests. "And I'll have you know, some of them pay me. A lot, too! I've got all sorts of valuable intel from my time on the force, all the old office gossip, the secret stuff most people don't know - not that you'd know anything about that, you being an antisocial weirdo and all."

"I am not an antisocial weirdo!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Are not - you know what, this is stupid."

Dibny coughs. "Maybe a bit, yeah. Seriously, though, what do you want? You didn't exactly leave me in a position where I can turn down work." He sounds bitter. "But it damn well better be paying work, Allen, or are you wasting my time?"

"I just want to ask you a few questions," Barry protests.

"I charge by the hour."

"Ugh, fine, whatever. Answer my questions and I'll pay for, like, the fifteen minutes of your time it's going to take."

"For you, Allen? You pay two hours, whether or not we use them."

"No way. Half-hour, max."

"Hour and a half."

"One hour."

"Fine."

"Deal. And you'd better not try to inflate your prices," Barry warns. "I know what you charge; it's on your website."

"Fine, whatever. Cash first."

Barry pulls out some money and tosses it on the desk.

It disappears.

"Okay, fine," Dibny says. "What do you want to know?"

Barry hesitates.

"Listen, ask or don't ask," Dibny says. "I don't care, I've gotten paid either way."

He's such a jackass.

"Why'd you do it?" Barry asks. Then, as Dibny frowns in confuses, adds, "The thing with the knife. Planting evidence."

Dibny looks surprised. "What, that? You already know, don't you? You said it yourself earlier on - I was trying to solve the case."

"I know that much," Barry says impatiently. "But - you couldn't have just woken up one day and decided that was the way to do it, right? You know the rules as well as I do -"

"Maybe not quite as well as you do," Dibny mutters. "Brownnoser."

"- and you knew what you were doing was wrong. So why'd you do it?"

"Because there was no other way to get the guy," Dibny says, like it's obvious. "We exhausted everything else."

"It was still wrong," Barry says. "You broke the law."

"It was getting a criminal off the streets -" Dibny says.

"By becoming one yourself!"

"Oh, grow up, Allen. It's not like fudging a bit of evidence is the same as murdering someone. Besides, I'm a cop - I was a cop. Are you really saying that a cop and an asshole that probably murdered his wife are the same?"

"I'm saying that it's a small step down the same road," Barry says. "If you're cutting corners to get someone off the streets, who's to say you might not decide to shoot someone instead of going to the trouble of arresting them?"

Dibny shrugs, callous as ever. "Maybe for some people that’s how it goes, but not me. I was a cop! A good cop! And I knew this guy was guilty!"

"Just because you believe something doesn't make you right! What if you were wrong, huh? What if he was innocent, and you planting the evidence sent him to prison for a crime he didn't commit? You're not infallible, and you don't get to ignore the laws just because you're a cop. If anything, you're supposed to hold yourself to a higher standard - and you didn't."

"Damnit, Allen, you make it sound like I was actively committing felonies while on the payroll or something. It's not like I was a cop on the Family payroll or anything; we all know who those assholes are and they're freaking untouchable."

Ugh, Dibny sounds almost wistful.

"The department likes to know who the Family leaks are," Barry says, rolling his eyes. He doesn't like it, no one does, but there's no real way to avoid it. "It's not the same thing; no one ever lets them onto anything actually secretive. Besides, it's not like you weren't friends with some of those guys!"

"They were coworkers! It made sense to be friendly with everyone in the department - still does, since it’s the cops I was friendly with who are the only ones with enough compassion to toss me cases when they're available. They know what it's like to need help when money runs tight."

Of course. Barry should've known; it all comes down to money for Dibny.

Or at least, it does now. It hadn't back then.

"It wasn't about money, though, the knife," Barry says, getting back to his point. "You made a decision."

"I made a mistake," Dibny says. "And you took every inch of it out of my ass. Why are you so obsessed about this, anyway?" He grins, wide and malicious. "Thinking about doing some planting yourself?"

"No!" Barry exclaims.

"Oooh, that was quick on the draw - is that guilt I hear? Is pure, perfect Barry Allen - no, you wouldn't. Not you. But maybe someone else - someone you're thinking of covering for...?"

Dibny's eyes glitter like beetles.

"You're disgusting," Barry tells him, scowling. "I have no idea why I thought you might have ever had a sense of morality or that you struggled with the decision or anything -"

"Hey, that's not fair," Dibny protests. "I struggled. I thought about it. But there wasn't any other way, that's all."

"But planting evidence isn't an acceptable way," Barry says, frustrated. "It was better to let him go than to get him the wrong way – they did an informal double check of all your cases, you know, because of that, and the only reason they didn’t officially reopen the whole lot of them was because you quit."

"Because of you."

"Because of you - what you did..." Barry trails off, realizing. "You really just don't get it, do you? You got so good at convincing yourself that it was the right thing to do that you can't bring yourself to admit that you were wrong."

Dibny crosses his arms, glaring. "Oh, whatever, Allen. No one asked for your little pop psychology. Anyway, you haven't told why you want to know."

"Trying to get insight into a case," Barry lies. "That's all."

"A corruption case?" Dibny asks, suddenly looking somewhat concerned. His fingers start playing with the edge of the file he shoved under his desk. "What type? Like - another cop, like me? Or we talking more like blackmailing, bribery, that sort of thing? With whom? Some public official in particular?"

Barry rolls his eyes. Dibny’s probably worried that one of his private investigator cases might get preempted by a real investigation. "You know I can't discuss active cases -"

"With anyone outside the precinct, I know, I know. I used to be a cop, I know the deal. But that's why you can trust me - I'm not about to squeal!"

"Yeah, right," Barry says. "You literally just told me that you exchange information as a business."

"Not about active cases," Dibny says. "Only old stuff, you know, old cases that never got solved or cops that used to be on payroll or stupid shit like that."

"Dibny, even if I was the sort of person who’d tell you stuff about an active case, you also hate me personally and would take any opportunity to throw me under the bus," Barry points out.

"...yeah, fair point." Dibny shrugs. “Is that it, then?”

Barry snorts. "Yeah, that’s it," he says. "Anyway, thanks."

Dibny shrugs a second time, looking somewhat bemused. "Any time, I guess."

Barry goes to the door and opens it.

Then he immediately closes it again.

"What?" Dibny asks.

"Shhhh!" Barry hisses. "There are two Family thugs in your corridor!"

They're immediately recognizable - the dark suits, the swagger, the prison tattoos on their wrists and the Family mark on their necks.

God, Barry hates the Families.

"This isn't exactly a great part of town," Dibny sniffs. "I'm not exactly able to be picky about my neighbors." Still, he hesitates. "Uh, what Family?"

"What? Isn’t there a set territory –”

“I don’t know whose territory this is, Allen! What do they look like?”

“Santinis, I think. Blood sworn."

"Shit," Dibny says. "Probably here for protection stuff, then - oh, not me, Allen, don't look so horrified; I'm much too small fry for them to bother with me."

"Then who? We should -"

"Do nothing," Dibny says firmly. "No one will thank you for it and you know it."

Damnit, but Barry does know it.

As the Flash, sure, he could do something, but - what? It might technically be a crime to belong to a racketeering organization like the Families, but only if you can prove that they've done something. There's no point in dropping these thugs off in the CCPD HQ; they'd be back on the street within the hour, and the Flash would have to tackle mob problems for the rest of his life.

Not ideal.

Barry's definitely not prepared to fight the Families.

"I'll report it to Organized Crime," he decides.

"Like that'll do anything," Dibny snorts. "Oh, hey, say hi to Garry and Willy for me if you do, though."

Barry rolls his eyes. "Sightings are still important to report," he says. "You never know when it might be helpful. And you say hi to them yourself if you want; I'm not going to."

"You're no use to anyone at all, are you, Allen?" Dibny says, rolling his eyes back in an exaggerated fashion. "All high and mighty and self-righteous, and not a shred of sympathy for those you leave in the dust."

"Oh, I've got plenty of sympathy," Barry says, glancing around the dirty little office. Dibny had been a pretty good cop; he deserves better than this. But his own choices have brought him here. Besides, it isn't as though he was convicted or anything, merely fired and informally blackballed; there's nothing stopping him from getting a security job or even switching to another career entirely instead of spending over two years building up a stupid private investigator practice. "But not enough for you to manipulate me with, which I think is your real complaint."

He glances out the door. The Family guys are gone.

"Right," Barry says. "That's all I have. Thanks for the answers."

"Thanks for the easy cash," Dibny replies. "I'd say it was nice to see you again, but, well, it really wasn't."

"Ditto," Barry says, and leaves.

He manages to wait until he's in a secluded alleyway outside before he puts on his speed, even though he's itching to get out of this place.

Still, even at high speed, Barry has a moment or two to reflect.

Talking with Dibny felt utterly pointless, but maybe it wasn't, not really. He'd gone there to find out how Dibny ended up doing what he did, and, well, he's gotten his answer: Dibny convinced himself it was the right and only thing to do, that there was no other way, that it had to be done.

He just couldn't conceive of allowing what he considered to be a miscarriage of justice, and that had been enough to cause him to commit one himself.

He saw himself as above the law.

He wasn't.

And neither is Barry.

Oh, he isn't going to stop being the Flash - the city needs him. Unlike Dibny, he’s actually in a unique situation, with unique powers that make his illicit actions necessary to save people’s lives. He's going to keeping doing what he can to help people and, in the meantime, do what he can to make sure he doesn't get stopped.

But he's not going to let Joe or Eddie compromise their integrity, and the integrity of their work, in the process.

"Hey, Barry!" Cisco exclaims happily when Barry arrives. "Good to see you, man; we missed you yesterday."

"How did court go?" Caitlin asks.

"It didn't," Barry tells her with a shrug. "We got a postponement. But I still get the second half of the day off!"

"I'm glad to hear that, Mr. Allen," Wells says from behind Barry, causing him to jump a little. "Does that mean you'll be working with us on your speed for the rest of the afternoon?"

"That's right," Barry says, already mentally girding himself. "I need to get faster. A lot faster. There's no other way to defeat the Man in Yellow. That's the top priority right now."

"That's right," Wells says. "After all, we must make sure to prioritize what's really important. Isn't that right, Mr. Allen?"

"Absolutely," Barry says, thinking of his decision to stay on the right side of the law as much as possible and feeling good about it. He made the right choice; he's sure of it. "That's totally right."

"I'm glad we agree," Wells says, and smiles.

#coldflash #barry allen #leonard snart #ralph dibny #my fic #an internal affair

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isitovers · 5 years

Note

1) Fiona, I’m back for chapter 6! A chapter I would like to rename; for the love of god, Harry, make your move! I feel like there’s so much tension and build up in this chapter and you can really feel it. So the first scene in this chapter does such a good job for setting a tone for the chapter because there is SO MUCH palpable tension between the two of them but at the same time there’s so much emotional development between them as well.

2) There’s also so many little things that come up later that I love. Also, props to your writing, because I can so clearly in my head see Harry in his office anxiously watching the clock while he pretends to work so he isn’t late to meet Taylor. ALSO he’s feeling restless because he hasn’t told Taylor about his feelings or the fact that he’s learning how to play the guitar. I love when they’re on the subway and she takes his hand and she just like doesn’t let go?? For ages??

3) They’re just casually holding hands. Although, it’s not so casual for Harry probably. I liked all the little descriptions of what they bought, like with Taylor and the cat crop top, and Harry wanting all the nice designer clothes. I think it gives a nice little insight into their personalities. And of course, that leads to one of my favourite little cute moments! Harry picking out the clothes for her is so sweet. I don’t know why I love it so much.

4) I think it’s because it shows how well Harry knows her but also how much she trusts him. I love the things he picks out!! The jacket which I think is supposed to be a reference to a jacket that Harry actually has. And the dress!! In my head, I’m picturing one like what Taylor wore to the oscars party in 2016. And then when she tries it on?? Amazing. I love how to us, it’s so obvious that Harry is speechless because he’s so obviously into her,

5) but she really needs his reassurance that she doesn’t look ridiculous. I mean I don’t love it lol but I love it as a writing choice because I think it’s realistic. Also I love that she buys herself lingerie just because. The next scene is sweet too. I love the idea of all of Harry’s friends from the UK weighing in on how Harry should tell Taylor about his feelings. I love that he wants to do it in such a romantic way. But at the same time, as he sort of says, it’s kind of a cop out.

6) It’s a way for him to tell her his feelings without actually having to verbalize his feelings which is realistic! Harry’s insecure too! And he’s just as worried about the person he likes not liking him back as anyone else. And it seems his insecurities are kind of warranted when Taylor is soon going on a date with another guy. Maybe I’m just a sucker for jealous Harry, but the idea of Harry sulking around his apartment like a kicked puppy, while she’s on her date is so funny to me.

7) And it’s unnecessary anyway, because he’s a shit kisser but it leads to an amazing scene between Harry and Taylor. Firstly, we get Harry finally telling Taylor that he could always hear her and Sam doing the dirty which must’ve been MORTIFYING!! But I love that it leads to them having such an interesting conversation in McDonald’s at the dead of night. And Harry finally gets to learn that Sam indeed was shit in bed (rip sam’s ego)

8) but also that the intimacy of sex is super, super important to Taylor. And this line made me laugh: “That sounds like something someone who hasn’t had enough orgasms would say to make themselves feel better about it.” AND we also get Harry to finally open up to Taylor about some of his stuff. Learning about his one night stand with Mallory was interesting. I loved how you did it. Like yeah, they had a good time, and they’re good friends, but Harry’s heart is obviously with somebody else.

9) And Mallory knew that so there’s no dramas. But at the same time you still feel a little bad for her. And I love how, even though she probably doesn’t love the thought of it, Taylor doesn’t get jealous at all. She just listens and offers advice. And through this scene I think the two of them become so much closer than they were before. Also when I first read this, “Do you like, um, casual stuff?” she asked him, biting down on her lower lip lightly,”

10) I thought, much like Harry, that she was propositioning him lol I was shocked. ALSO, last thing about this scene, the little moment at the end where Taylor kisses Harry’s cheek is sooooooo cute!! Another moment where I just want them to make out lol. And, then finally, we get the scene where Harry plans to show Taylor his newly learnt guitar skills and reveal his feelings at the same time. Except it kind of backfires because she’s so, so proud of him,

11) that she just wants to hear him play more songs for her. I really, really loved how you had this play out. Because in his head, this was going to be their magic movie moment. But life doesn’t usually work out like that and someone as insecure as Taylor isn’t just going to assume that him playing some love songs for her means he has feelings for her, even if it’s obvious to us. The only way something might happen between them is if he says something,

12) which he is too scared to do because he’s scared of losing her. But also in the scene we still get supportive Taylor and we get to see Harry make those small little steps towards going for the singer thing properly. Then we get possibly one of the most important moments in the story when Harry opens up to Taylor about Jacqui. I mean first of all, her calling out of the blue?? Harsh.

13) But Harry opening up to Taylor was so, so important for them if they (theoretically) want their relationship to move further. Weirdly, I don’t really have much of an opinion of Jacquie. Like what she did was awful and is probably at least partly responsible for why Harry has issues with commitment. And it’s still something that clearly hurts him because it’s so hard for him to talk about but Taylor’s as supportive as ever. She’s so protective which I love and is true to life I think.

14) And Harry cuddling up to her in bed?? Probably the most adorable thing in the world. And then the end of it?? “You’re my best friend?” So sweet and the moment I think Taylor REALLY let the idea of them being properly together into her mind. The thanksgiving scene is cute and another good indication of the timeline. But the scene really shows how domesticated they had become. And then the end? “Do you love me?” – too long had passed. Harry had fallen asleep and the moment was gone.”

15) Ugh! Come on, these guys need to work on their timing. Which is only highlighted again in the carnival scene. I swear when Harry and Taylor were on that carousel and she was practically asking him to kiss her I wanted to reach through my screen and push their faces together. I mean, I know you’d just thrown up Harry but go for it! The scene also really highlights Karlie’s role again. She’s probably as sick of their hesitance as I am so she actually tries doing something about it.

16) And god, the last two scenes of this chapter really do it for me. Like Taylor is really putting herself out there trying to send him signals but he’s just so scared the poor thing. Truly though the massage scene is SO GOOD (also suggestion that in some future fic you include a sexual massage) because he’s really just trying to be a good friend but she’s literally there completely topless for him so that was obviously hard (pun intended).

17) Asnhdnhdsx then in the morning he wakes up and he’s almost groping her, and then she puts on his shirt and she barely buttons it up, and she’s not wearing a bra. Like Harry, my man, I really think she’s trying to tell you something here. And then the timing is perfect and she’s leaning in but he chickens out. And I get it because it’s so much safer to just stay with how they are but as you point out, that also risks him actually pushing her away.

18) Anyway, amazing chapter! And I really, really can’t wait for the next!

oh gosh so this is where things started getting interesting where I could blur the boundaries between them being friends and becoming something more. which, really, they had been doing all this time, but now that they have nothing other than their own insecurities stopping them, there's so much more potential for all those little intimate moments. so she's holding his hand just because she wants to and she can, he's picking an outfit for her (I don't think I was referencing anything specific but who knows what was actually in my mind at the time), and they're having such personal conversations – it all really emphasises the trust between them. he knows her, and she holds that close to her, she just doesn't want to risk losing the one guy who actually understands her by taking the risk of a relationship that might not work out. all the flirty banter is much easier for them to handle. it's fun, but it's not really serious.

I was a bit worried the hook up with mallory was a bit too brief or just that I hadn't done it in the right way, since I'd actually completely forgotten to add it into my timeline (oops!) but I'd been setting it up from the beginning so I had to include it somewhere. I'm really glad that it worked out! I think it made sense to have it there along with taylor's date that didn't go quite to plan – while they were both well aware of their own feelings, they still kept it to themselves and tried to make it work in whatever fleeting way with other people, which when it didn't work out only reaffirmed that maybe they actually were right for each other. maybe they should've just taken one of the zillion opportunities for them to kiss ajdjdjd

the guitar scene was important for harry, it really opens up what he actually wants to do with his life. and it was such a cheesy thing for him to do, it could've been the perfect movie moment, but I was never going to make it that easy for them!

the jacqui thing was another of the tricky ones I wasn't sure was going to work naturally. but, y'know, what's a good fic without some Tragic Backstory. it was another opportunity for taylor to tell him how she felt – without saying everything obviously. plus I really wanted to fit in the 'you are in love' reference somewhere, because one, the best friend thing was definitely true, and in general that soft kind of love was the vibe I was going for. they could hear it in the silence! they could feel it on the way home! they could see it with the lights out!

anyways ajdkdk "do you love me" was another of the little emotional bits I thought we should suffer with since when I said slow burn I clearly really meant it. then we've got the carnival and it would've been so easy for them to kiss on the ferris wheel, but again, it was another of those movie moments that wasn't meant to happen for them, much as they wanted it.

she was literally giving him the most obvious signals at the end, I just went back to quickly read over some of this chapter and I'm yelling how did he not go for it?? when she clearly wanted it?? at this point he's realised that waiting is messing his chances up too and what can he do? he can't just lose her

love all these as always!!

#sorry if this isn't as coherent as usual ahdj a girl needs rest!#i'd forgotten how extra they get before anything actually happens between them wow #anonymous #answered

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labime · 5 years

Note

Now people think Daario is better than Jon? Lol. Each their own but come on like he ever had so much more respect for Dany than Jon. Daario who by the way saw Dany only as Queen because of her Dragons, felt entitled to her (visiting her bedchamber like that) and bragging what a good lay she was. Yeah what Jon did or didn't do in the ep was shitty but to suddenly bring back Daario to the table....

I feel like the Jonerys fandom is really frustrated with the writing of the show right now and that translates by the sentiment that Daenerys deserves better in her companion. So far, ever since meeting Jon, we’ve seen her loses one of her dragons while rescuing him from his mission, then commits herself to protect the north without him having bent the knee yet at this point—she did it because it was the right thing, but she had other option: wait it out like Cersei did, or go back to Meeren with her armies and remaining dragons to rule there—, then negotiates a truce with an enemy she doesn’t trust.

After all of that, she comes to the North and is greeted by nothing but contempt and mistrust, so much that at this point she has only Jon, who then goes through one hell of an identity crisis—which is understandable—and put distance between them after he learns who his parents really were. The revelations endanger her claim to the throne, and immediately in the next episode, she loses not only her khalasar and most of her armies and but also her friend who dies protecting her.

Most of us Daenerys stans thought that that huge sacrifice would at least be acknowledged in 8x04 but instead, it’s Jon who gets praised for doing exactly what she did. Sansa is still aggressively opposed to Daenerys—so much that she’s crying while looking at her???—because of the Northern Independence, apparently. Arya sides with Sansa and states that they can’t trust Daenerys because she isn’t a Stark, despite her brother’s—who’s also a Stark—certainty that she would make a good queen. The secret Daenerys begged Jon not to share explodes like she knew it would when Sansa proves herself incapable of keeping an oath she made to her brother—and supposedly rightful king—for more than one day.

Daenerys is held to different standards by the characters, narrative, and fans and because of a sudden twist in the narrative in that same episode, her advisers are conspiring, planning to put someone else on the throne, and giving her ineffective advises, all the while expecting her to trust them blindly and taking it as proof that she’s unfit to rule when she is reluctant to. Their last advice concludes in Missandei’s murder and Daenerys’ last loss, which leads to her breaking point and her descent into madness that ultimately culminates in Jon killing her.

I think that’s what most are upset about: after she has lost so much for Jon, he will be the one killing her.

I maintain that the problem is with the writing, though, because I can’t see what other alternatives Jon would have if those leaks are true and she not only executes civilians indiscriminately but she even allows rapes and can’t be convinced she’s wrong with even after he tries to stop her. Which would be the worst character assassination since it is something she fought against even when she was only Drogo’s wife and entirely dependent on him. Yet, from his perspective, what other solutions does he have? At this point she’d be more unstable than Maegor and Aerys.

To address your point about Daario, I agree that his behavior towards her was less than stellar, more so in the books than in the show where I feel the writers mellowed him down to make him more sympathetic—which works fine for me—but for many, his devotion for Daenerys contrasts with Jon’s unwillingness to make concessions in her name. Daenerys would give orders and Daario would do as asked with little to no questions, and Jon just… doesn’t.

That, I think, is not at all indicating different degrees of love the two of them supposedly have for her but a glaring difference in their personalities. Daario is a mercenary who doesn’t have a family or allegiances. The values he has are his own and no one is dependent on him so he can acts however he wants. He killed when he was paid to and betrayed when it was convenient for him. He decided he wanted Daenerys and resolved to serve her.

Unlike him, Jon prizes honor and loyalty above all. He refused to leave to Night Watch even with his brother at war because he was reminded of the vows he took. He grew up with a father he loved and admired for his honor and values. He was pushed into positions of power he didn’t want and tried to make the best of it by protecting and unifying everyone. He had—and still has—people who trusted him to make the good decisions and who would suffer from it if he didn’t. Even when his relationship with Daenrys developed he still didn’t bend the knee before she proved him she could be a good queen, because he isn’t the kind of man who can simply pledge himself to someone based on anything but the absolute certitude that it is a good choice, and his fealty not only involves himself but also his kingdom and his armies, people who would die on his commands.

His principles are driving him and it’s not something that can vanish because of love.

He has been criticized in the Jonerys fandom the last episode and like I said I see where people are coming from but I don’t believe he mistreated Daenerys in any way. Us, as viewers, are here to witness the consequences of his actions but Jon, as a character, took the decisions to share a secret with his sisters who were, to some extent, affected by it due to the fact it involves their family. He did it after literally dropping to his knees and reaffirming his loyalty for Daenerys and defying his sister by declaring his full support for Daenerys and her war. He defended her in public and in private.

Maybe it wasn’t the passionate rant that would have been satisfying for us as viewers but it was a mark of commitment and respect regardless of romantic love and perfectly in character for him. The only thing I can reproach him is that he didn’t mention Daenerys’ efforts when he was congratulated by Tormund.

#jonerys #daenerys targaryen #jon snow #daario naharis #got leaks #got spoilers #answered #anonymous

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rosykims · 5 years

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❣️💕💞 for ur shepard and cousland? 🤧

thanks so much katja ! 💕

❣️ When did your OC first realise they were in love? How did they react to the realisation?

oof okay for dinah it’s tricky because she romances both ashley and garrus in canon. with ashley, it sucks but she doesn’t really realize she LOVES/D her until me3, way after ash breaks up with her. in me1, dinah had a lot of issues with commitment and deep intimacy in general so any declarations of love or tests of loyalty just…. scared the hell out of her. she was definitely getting super close to ashley and may have even bit the bullet and said the L word,,,, and then virmire happened. and the guilt she felt around kaidan just sort of caused her to push ash away, as well as everyone else. so it only ever REALLY resonates with dinah exactly how much she still cares for ashley after visiting her in the hospital in me3, and she’s finally able to apologize for what happened and give ash some closure

as for garrus, obviously ages lol because they were friends and squadmates for the longest time, but also for the same reasons as above. dinah has never been good at relationships or love or anything like that. BUT, i think literally coming back from the dead and having gone through everything she did in me1 put some things into perspective for her, so she kind of catches on that she wants more from him right before the suicide mission, but doesnt really say anything about it because she thinks its pointless. her feelings remain mostly unspoken until early me3, and even then its kind of… a love confession in dad-joke form sdkjkfdjkf

as for ella, she falls in love very very quickly honestly, although that’s the same with alistair because they are both Like That and also were very young during the blight. ella tells alistair that she loves him in the deep roads during paragon of her kind, because that quest fucked her up SO bad she genuinely believed they were all going to die and there was nothing she could do it stop it. she sort of says it in a rush mid panic attack, but later reaffirms in once they’re back in orzammar.

💕 Describe an ideal date form them!

an ideal date for dinah is something very comfe but also fun ! after growing up the way she did, she honestly prefers to stay in if she’s trying for Romantic Stuff, so she’s very big on like,, cute lil movie nights, making dinner/baking together, bubble baths together, things like that. but obviously she’s still an adventurous person so if she does take her date out, she would want to do something FUN and INTENSE, ie like paintballing, clubbing, camping, etc.

ella is an extravert so she likes to take alistair out as well, but she’s a lot less intense with her date nights lol. shes just into,, cute stuff u know? going on walks, picnics, going out to fancy places for dinner. very “them” focused activities

💞 What do their respective families think of their relationship?

SDFJKDSJ this hurts so much bc both of their families are either dead or non-existent so we absolutely stan 👌👌👌👌👌

uh i guess the rest of the normandy crew could be considered dinah’s found family so! when she starts dating ashley publically i think a lot of the crew are a bit shook, considering they didn’t see it coming at all and none of them really knew her well at the time. the exceptions or kaidan and joker - whom she was friends with pre-me1, and they’re the 2 who are super casual about it and either make jokes or just continue on as normal. after a while people just accept it, especially since dinah is CONSTANTLY making jokes about it on her own part

with garrus, it’s a bit different because the crew already knows her and trusts her at this point, and everyones a lot more lighthearted about it. there’s jokes about everyone having bets on when it was gonna happen, and obviously the crew are happy for both of them, especially after what ALL of them have been through

as for ella, like i said her parents both died during the seige of highever, but alistair and fergus get along VERY well right from the start. they’re both pretty lighthearted people and obviously fergus teases him a lot, but he also respects his sister and trusts that alistair is good enough, and really accepts him into the family without any hesitation !

#tevintery #asks #oc: dinah #oc: ella #thanks for asking abt my gorls <3 #i swear its been 84 years since i talked about ella and it makes me big sad

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rhodesmystery · 6 years

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what is the rough timeline of natasha and charlie relationship? i love your fics and how its like little peeks into the development of it all and how it doesnt rely on them being together ll the time its lovely

HM HM HM okay let’s see... like i guess the thing is that ultimately is written for charlie and what i’ve done for natasha is being their own person is rly integral to them? like charlie grew up in a house where at any period of time, nine ppl were living under the same roof? like he didn’t have much time to himself that he literally upped and moved to romania lmfao. and natasha like, one day i’ll remember to post her family tree, but she’s in the same boat in a way, especially when her family moves from america full time. then she’s suddenly thrown into a household with all her extended family. they need to be their own people first, and i mean that independence does hurt communication and the needs of not just themselves but others as well and i guess that’s why i wrote the long walk for their relationship to finally find that point where they were like. yes. where their lines finally crossed over and stayed crossed over, instead of simply running parallel and sometimes moving in but barely touching?

this got long so under the cut

they do meet in first yr bc the game is LYING that such a SMALL CLASS POST-VOLDY wouldnt exist like a literal baby boom happens post voldy dying but the current kids around would honestly be rly small groups? hogwarts would be so EMPTY REAL TALK everyone also afraid to let their kids go to school

natasha asks for slytherin, should've been ravenclaw. much distress, and first yr in between running around with the vault of ice kind of finds her spending a lot of time in the towers and stuff. she likes high places.

this gonna sound bad but i dont rly remember much of the 1st yr of hphm apart from not sealing the vault properly, but anyway natasha and charlie were friends anyway that mattered and natasha wasn't a very good slytherin for befriending a gryffindor AND a weasley

second yr is kind of the time where she meets bill and like on the one hand is a little infatuated with him but they are rly good friends at the end of the day. she pulls away from charlie a bit bc of it but then again i figure around this stage charlie has started his crusade of entering the forest in some respects so like. he’s not even on the grounds half the time lbr. also, i dont remember much of this yr either a lot happened. but the ice knight was there.

third yr aka vault of fear! again, with the bs, i think natasha knew of everyone PRIOR to their intros and stuff so they’re all kind of good friends but ig this is also just my thing of like. small classes post war. even with the attempt at animosity between houses, especially post war, kids probably aren't going to do. that. and i know slytherin is all death eater kids basically but most of them are probably orphaned too by the end of the war. theyre all scared ANYWAY social circle expanding... idk this yr was a ride too i remember it a little bit more than the others ig. idk what happened here rly

OKAY SO FOURTH YEAR RIGHT that’s when it’s literally a year of dating charlie in game but whatever. so going from literally spending only classes together and maybe like the one christmas if bill and charlie stayed in the castle at the same time, natasha and charlie did talk and were friends but it was on the down low towards the end of third yr. until it wasn’t bc literally all the scheming to get into the forest and mr charlie ‘i asked my brother a million questions about you over the summer’ weasley just rolling up. and theyre in each others spaces A Lot which is kind of wild for the both of them considering they’re both from large families and personal space is A Thing™ they both really need but their friendship really deepens this year. they’re very honest with each other, and whilst bill is natasha’s best friend just because of how they click, her and charlie have this understanding between them that it’s hard to get between.

except fifth yr comes along and smacks everyone in the face. natasha finds out what puberty is over the summer, along with a prefect badge. charlie also has a bit of a growth spurt around this time, so they’re awkward and lanky around each other early on. natasha also dates myron wagtail during her fifth yr, as well as esther szohr and a couple of other ppl here and there. she’s all giggly and twirling hair and I'm so sorry charlie she just hasn’t noticed you at this stage. but it’s not rly a good year for her, mentally all around, so don’t feel too bad ig.

sixth yr she’s getting tired(er) and lightly dates other people as well. broke up with myron over the summer, and like. has started to see charlie in another light, kind of? but at the risk of ruining her friendship, madly writes to bill most of the time about ‘how do i get your brother to notice me????’ because communication is key and natasha doesn’t actually know what it is. she’s also named captain of slytherin quidditch team this yr, and well. ends up spending a ridiculous amount of time closer to charlie’s second great love. sees another side of him. swoons in the stands a lot. they kind of reignite their friendship as well, as it just politely simmered in the back. teach other spells. lots of touching with hands like no no wave like this... it’s very romantic and high strung and they’re dumb teenagers not sure what to do.

they mess it up over the summer between sixth and seventh yr tho. lots of kissing. some other stuff. natasha spends a bit of time with the weaselys before returning to hogwarts. hormones everywhere.

seventh year starts with them kind of tiptoeing around not knowing where they stand relationship wise, and they’re not!! good!! at talking!! so it’s like a big drawn out game of whispers to figure out who said what but it breaks off bad and natasha cries a lot and charlie feels awful too and they’re mopey and shit for a while. like they can’t be in each other’s spaces for a while that they kind of completely withdraw to their own houses sort of thing. eventually, with a few helpful nudges and stuff, they at least talk to each other but don’t know if the friendship is there. 99% sure penny was ready to amortentia the both of them to ‘fix things’ and also just to prove she could do it. also probably didnt help that barnaby and a few other slytherins jumped charlie and quidditch team as 1) for natasha but also 2) for quidditch and that also really prompts natasha and charlie to talk because they rly cant let ppl do it for them lol

same year still, but as things start to improve and they can somewhat pick up their old banter without getting sad, bill invites natasha over for xmas because he’s actually given it off. never mind that in between all this, natasha took to writing to myron again, which just. not nice natasha jfc. natasha and charlie enjoy an incredibly awkward trip back with some UST, kiss again in the spot where they pretty much shared their first kiss, refuse to talk about the kiss, natasha buys charlie a new wand, they try to talk about it but its mostly natasha apologising for being a brat.

theyre still not back ‘on’ though, and have some make outs in locker rooms anyway, to the both of their confusion. are they ever going to talk? no. UNTIL ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and natasha’s not good at words but she’s good at actions and yknow what? fk it. slytherin might’ve won the quidditch cup, but when she landed in the middle of the pitch, and charlie reached out to shake her hand, she grabbed the front of his uniform and pulled him in for a big damn kiss in front of literally everyone, cup in her other hand. she keeps a photo of it on her at all times after that.

i also have a fic I'm writing that was kind of before the celestial ball was announced where they organised kind of 7th yr graduation dance thing and it was going to be quiet and intimate kind of and natasha and charlie end up finishing the night together, falling asleep on a balcony and waking up with each other sort of thing lol

and that’s only ‘91. late ‘91 is when they separate for job opportunities. natasha goes to work at gringotts for a bit with bill, and charlie goes off to romania. they get a few weeks in of summer loving before, though, also post graduation celebration. but they write constantly and stuff. pursuing their own lives kind of starts to become a thing.

in ‘92, early they kind of make a vow to each other when they get a bit of time off and go to greece. its very romantic and a big step forward in commitment for them, as they don’t really see each other for the rest of the year. also, late 92 natasha starts working at durmstrang, which removes her even further from the stream of things.

early ‘93 is not a good time for charlie because of what happens to ginny and ron, so he’s not exactly in the best mindset as theres some self doubt at removing himself so much from his family, he cant be there so easily when they need him most. midway through ‘93, natasha gets attacked at durmstrang, and it takes ppl a while to actually find her. charlie spends a long ass time in st mungos beside her until she wakes up, and they reaffirm their feelings for each other when she does. natasha admits that she had called for charlie, being the last thought she had, and she creates the little runic stones for the both of them as a way of contacting each other, or just reminding them the other is there.

natasha returns to working in late ‘93, and in ‘94 they see each other again at the world cup. i know i said they took a break and ig they did but its easy for them to flirt dumbly until things go to shit with death eaters. until they punch one! and later on natasha is brought in as hired help to tutor the students brought to hogwarts, but because her ‘inside knowledge’ of the school is valuable. her and charlie hook meet up quite a bit when he’s present for the first task. also because she’s hanging around for the entire year, she is there for the yule ball and stuff. lots of writing to charlie like do you remember when we danced? so romantic.

idk what happens in ‘95. i haven't planned anything. same for ‘96. short of natasha going to romania to visit charlie a few times, and how her work ends up bringing her into the ministry a bit. its not the same kind of cooling off as hogwarts where they question the relationship, but apart from letters they dont really see each other.

in 97 however!!!!! bill and fleur’s wedding and like. they spent a bit of time apart again, so natasha puts on her best to impress her boy. and charlie wants to propose but also because he’s totally smitten by the idea of making it real between them as a proposal via ribbon only does so much lmfao. and they get interrupted! and separated for quite some time actually. natasha ultimately returns to her family, for the larger part of 97 she's working with them as they deal with the fact her grandfather made a deal with death eaters, and that her ancient family history is coming back to bite them in the ass. like i know in the books they say charlie went around recruiting foreign wizards but thats so HANDWAVEY of jkr yknow? granted she never rly sounded like she knew what to do with charlie apart from shipping him off to romania. I'm sure he went to romania like YO we cant let this happen come with me when it mattered, but you’ll have to fight me to convince me he wasn't with his family for a large part of the story, and that he wasn't doing underground work and stuff in the mean time (you can’t change my mind)

in 98 though everything goes to hell for natasha’s family and she, in a moment of panic, calls for charlie. and he literally runs to her, and they both nearly die for it, but like he finally sucks up the courage to ask her, for realsies, if she would marry him. its been like 10yrs of will they wont they for them and only so many bets can be placed.

they get married late 98, and i know i never quite decided on smth big or intimate, but i think i’m happy with a ‘they had a big damn wedding and it was ridiculously opulent and flowery for autumn where you would’ve thought it was spring sort of thing. or maybe even something blissfully wintery. they’ve moved out of their summer romance phase, where it only came around for a few weeks at a time. relationship development.

DO THEY HAVE KIDS I CANT DECIDE i guess the eldest would be born some time in 99? and then from there a general progression lmfao but YEAH

also in regards to like the celestial ball i understand why the canon characters weren’t involved, but i’m just smad. barnaby was rly cute though so... THERE YOU HAVE IT ANYWAY

#*replies #*natasha #hphm #charlie weasley #LONG POST #SORRY #Anonymous

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ruwithmeguys · 6 years

Text

Arrow Season 7 wishlist

I had a season 6 wish-list: about half of them came true.. Sadly, the rest didn’t and there were some really juicy ones.

In no particular order... (I’ll add to this as I go and please be assured; anything I say about characters relates in no way to the actors who portray them)

1) One of he NTA needs to go...

Okay, so this is a dark thought; especially to start off with. But they did this. The writers/creators/producers/executives; they screwed with characters many of us were warming to or flat out loved and forgot how loyal we are to OTA regardless. They FORGOT. I mean, I was very sure they were more attune to their audience than that and we were clearly wrong.

But not in every way. They got a lot right. I’m not holding a grudge; there’s no point. I... have no interest in Rene beyond Zoe, I do NOT like Curtis and Dinah... she shows potential.

But they can’t come back from the clusterfuck of the civil war arc. They can only push forwards. I’m doing the same.

The problem is that, until the majority of us see serious growth, something to keep us/me interested, we’re going to stay in the ‘I don’t give a crap’ squad, which tells me that maybe - just maybe - something huge is going to occur in the first or second episode to make us all spit out our food/drink during the airing of 7.01.

Unfortunately I couldn’t care less that Curtis has a boyfriend or that he’s working with Felicity. People who act likes dicks tend to get the good things in life. Granted he’s suffered: I understood Paul’s reason for divorcing him but his genuine desire to NOT fight for his marriage confused me. This and the fact that he seemed to just exist for a full season (5) made me feel reluctantly sympathetic. Especially when part of his literal reason for existence was to reunite Olicity who didn’t need his help but... that was his thing.

Now? Sympathetic? Not so much. He’s become a massive juvenile, callous and selfish hypocrite that makes us all question his existence on the show. Even his fans.

However, as the sole homosexual character on the show with a love interest, they won’t kill him off. He has zero SL. He very literally has to be joined to Felicity’s, each time. The boyfriend is the only difference. I can’t ‘like’ this person. The man needs to learn humility. He’s become unnecessary enough that he wasn’t even present in the trailer: the ONLY character who wasn’t in it. That’s a bold neon light on the truth right there. Being a judgemental ass is a bad look.

I don’t have blind faith in Beth but I very much love everything she’s said about S7 so far. I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt THROUGHOUT the season. She’s already proven a better spokeswoman. It’s all good.

Dinah... there’s potential here. Now that she’s finally stepped off her high horse, I’m hoping Oliver’s incarceration will make her question her own horrible choices and what it REALLY means to be a masked vigilante, because she clearly didn’t know in S6. Thankfully, shes actually mentioned this. I don’t need a LI for her this season; that fell flat. Right now, I need her to find purpose that doesn’t make her a hypocritical ‘insert expletive’.

(I’m a huge fan of love interests occurring when we least expect it: two people that shouldn't fit but do, which is part of the essence of Olicity)

Leaving the civil war arc behind, I still kind of like her. I WANT to like her again.

Oliver went to prison for them all; surely that should change them all?

She, Rene, Curtis; they have no idea what true heroism means. They’re only in their second/third seasons and they still haven’t been through anything to close to one year of Oliver Queen’s life.

I’d like to see her find this. And I’d like to see her change and accept responsibility for who she’s chosen to be. It would provide a nice mirror to BS’s viewpoint and actions in season 6.

But Rene... this one is dicey. While he made more headway than the other two, I felt it was partly undeserved. If he wasn’t obnoxious, he was confusing. When eh apologised, he managed to add in a few insults. That kind of, you know... nullifies the apology. But he got away with it. His ‘Hoss’ and ‘Blondie’ have gone dry. Over-dry. His zero care about going against Oliver on trial made his defence fall flat, even when Oliver showed distrust. The only time I liked him, was when he was with Zoe.

If any of them get killed, it will be Rene. I’m not saying it will happen; but IF it does, it’ll be Rene.

So either... kill Rene or change all of them, because honestly at this point, most of us aren’t here for them.

2) If Felicity isn’t allowed friends, can we get a couple of scenes between her and Dinah or Lyla or both that aren’t all based on their night lives. Give me a few heartfelt moments. Give me something real to believe. Friendship is built; it doesn’t just exist because the writers tell us it does. Show not tell. A mistake made with LL in season 4.

3) Reunion sex for Oliver and Felicity because, damn if they’ve been deprived. And, why not? I mean, chuck in some hot argument sex, some poignant love affirming sex, some flirty flirt sex, some nude shower scene sex, some epic love reaffirmations; go for it!

They've been put through shit; some of it because of friends. If even ONE friend cock-blocks them, this includes Diggle, they’re on my shit-list.

4) Give Oliver the agency he needs during this prison arc; let us see the process of him falling back into that dark place he started in, S1. Let us see him crawl back upwards without Felicity’s help.

We know, thanks to Stephen, that Oliver has - in the 5 months since has incarceration - realised his choice was a ‘fucking bad choice’ in terms of what it’s done to Felicity and William. In fact I’d go out on the limb and say he knew that immediately when he got in the cell judging by the dead look in his eyes.

So let’s see him escape prison because this is BEGGING for a break out, and let us see him go to his family, because you know part of the reason he breaks out will be because of THEM. Because he HAS to. Because he’s needed.

Let’s see him and Felicity heal this forced separation, which was, at part, due to him. It was selfless, because he didn’t WANT to. He did it because he thought it was the right thing to do. He’s going to regret it and it’ll hurt to watch in all the best ways.

5) I’d enjoy a scene between Diggle and Felicity which focuses on him being there for her and mentioning that he wasn’t last season.

I’m sorry. I love Dig. But if he’d been there, Oliver might not have gone off on his own.

6) Given that this is a season about redemption, then can all characters be included?

Why? Well...

The theme redemption doesn’t just mean characters finding it, it means characters failing to reach it. People who may realise that it isn’t for them, like BS possibly. Or people who try really hard but can’t and are left devoid.

It involves characters who don’t need redeeming: people like Felicity who, this time, is done with reacting and is going to be proactive. Who deserves nothing but the happiness that has been robbed from her as a woman and as a wife.

It means understanding that redemption isn’t always clear cut and can mean unusual realities occurring.

It means the city, who need to open their eyes to what one man, his wife and his best friend did for their city all these years.

7) Focusing.

I won’t lie: I’m biased, BUT. I’m not wrong when I say Olicity need to be focused on this season. I’m not talking A full season: and there will be plenty of focus apart before they’re together.

I’m talking time to focus on them as a couple. Separate from them as parents and them as parents, them as friends to others.

This is a normal thing: for a show to focus on a couple that has been put through the mill. I’m guaranteeing it won’t be a lot.

I do think it will be more than you expect.

I’m highlighting this for a reason. A lot the fandom are under the impression that they get sidelined: Olicity are given quite a bit more screen-time than we think. But some of us notice the lack of other things happening so, those people, rely on more Olicity in order to forget that. Episodes 6.13 - 6.15 come to mind.

Like it or not, they were focused on in season 6. I know Felicity had little story and Oliver was sidelined several times but, sometimes that happens (it happens quite a bit in Felicity’s case). Doesn’t mean we won’r get what Oliver and Felicity NEED in season 7 and onward.

8) Felicity

I never needed Smoak Tech.

I just want her to be INVOLVED.

The fact that she’s a) in protective custody living under a different name and looking after William and b) in contact and in actual scenes with Watson, getting more and more INVOLVED (I like this word) with the law whilst committing crime like the ultimate paragon for getting shit done and for being the backbone of (Oliver) heroism in the city and a paradox (a very good person doing the right things by being a cyber badass and vigilante hacker) makes me feel like I’m going to enjoy season 7 already.

Then we’ll get a prison breakout. Olicity reuniting. Olicity re-acquainting Themistocles with each other through touch, words, sex etc. Re-finding what it means to be a vigilante in eyes of the public will be just as much her mission as Oliver’s.

9) Paying homage

Let’s have tribute to everything Oliver, Felicity and Diggle have done for the past 6 seasons. We’ve had focus on Tommy, on Robert, Moira and LL. They died: none of them needed to.

Robert died to save his son.

Tommy died to save the woman he loved.

Moira died to save her children.

Laurel died because she was in the wrong place at the wrong time and it was reaffirmed in season 6, that it was partly due to her lack of skill and experience, her incredible stubbornness to listen to anyone else’s logic, and her need to reach that high.

They all died, except LL, for love. And all of them had tribute paid to them, some more than others.

But now that’s over so can due attention be given to what these three have sacrificed over the years? Can we have people see how much Oliver has given to the city, what Felicity has both lost and gone through, the time and effort and heart John has spent on their mission of three?

You don’t have to die to have people recognise the amazing good you’ve done. This isn’t the time of the Renaissance artist: let’s have a little respect paid to the OTA as separate people and as a team of three amazing heroes and as people who have loved each other in many different ways: team mates, partners, friends, family... lovers. Married soul mates. Brothers/comrades in arms.

Let’s have that moment that makes us all glad we’ve been watching for years, where the city, Rene/Dinah/Curtis and the law recognise them.

I’ll probably add to this list.

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ichixmocha · 6 years

Text

apathy

word count: 1310

pairing: James Talloran/Draven Kondraki

source material: SCP Foundation

warnings: mild smut (its not a smutfic tho, very brief, just angst), self-harm

James forgot how to feel

“I am James Talloran, age ■■,” James was vacantly staring into the bathroom mirror. “I am James Talloran.” He repeated to himself again, and again.

Every morning for the past few months he has been doing this. Wake up at 5 am. Reaffirm your status as a real human being. Check for anything out of the ordinary marked the night before. It helped James keep his mind straight with the everlasting doubt and confusion of your world shattering behind you for 2 million years.

Paranoia was just another regular emotion for him now.

He felt wrong. His body felt displaced. Draven said he seemed better than before, James thought otherwise.

I’m James Talloran, Draven Kondraki’s boyfriend, James recited his usual script. I disappeared for months and he still waited for me for what felt like a lifetime, I would’ve thought he moved on. I don’t really remember what happened, haha! I was happy he waited.

The last part was always dry. He had no sense of happy anymore. Sometimes he spent nights staring at the roof unwillingly, Why can’t I feel fulfilled? Do I love him still?

He heard the alarm clock go off realizing it was 7 am and time for Draven to wake up.

James walked back into their bedroom and just stood at the edge of the room, waiting patiently for Draven to stir. He never did, he slept way too heavily to be woken up by such a soft alarm.

“Babe.. Babe. Time to get up.” James whispered at Draven, gently prodding him to rouse him from his sleep, “Babe. Draven. It’s 7 am.” He enjoyed doing this, to say the least, he thought his boyfriends bedhead was the cutest thing ever.

And the way he rustled himself out of bed like a sloth was endearingly dopey.

The rest of the day was uneventful.

Or maybe it was and James just didn’t know.

Or care. Or feel.

He felt almost like a husk with a brain, just propelling himself along.

Did you hear about that breach at Site-■■, about 8 fatalities.

Is that so? Disappointing.

Yeah! Haha, that’s really how the cookie crumbles in this line of work though.

James didn’t care. 8 people dead? There's 7 billion more to replace them. The Foundation didn’t care as much either.

D-class personnel existing is proof enough.

James was thankful his lack of emotional response to these types of things were commonplace in the Foundation, where your friends die in strange ways, and relationships are ruined because someone caught a virus that turns them into an entirely new person made of gears and metal parts.

Or so he’s heard.

James ran on autopilot for the next 8 hours.

“Hey. Wake up. What do you want for dinner?” Draven prodded at James with a fork, “I’m cooking soon so you better hurry up and answer or I’ll choose.”

“Whatever’s good.” James snapped back into reality, “Is it already 6..?” He realized he spent the whole day wallowing in non-existence. Not unusual, but not very pleasant. “Sorry.”

“What’re you apologizing for? You didn’t do anything wrong.” Draven questioned him, “At least.. I don’t think so” Draven leaned in to kiss him and got a flick to the forehead. “Hey!”

“I’m apologizing for being lazy and napping. Go make dinner you sappy shit.” James spoke at a steady tone, “Oh and also, I love you.”

“Love you too, bun!” Draven spun around on his heel and walked back into the kitchen.

James watched as his boyfriend turned the corner and once he was out of sight he just buried his face in his hands and went back to sleep.

The time was 10 pm, the lights were off, and the air was heavy.

Draven was on top of James, sliding his fingers out of the bottoms ass.

He glanced down at James and smiled. “Fuck, you are so cute like this.”

It’s only natural I’d be turned on by sex. James found it hard to take Draven seriously when he was knuckle deep in James’ ass.

“S-same to.. Gh.. you,” James moaned. Fuck. This isn’t fair. He deserves someone who is actually emotionally there. I’m not that.

“Fuck.. F-” James choked on his own words as he came, way too early at that. “Hh-hng.. Sorry. Sorry.” He began to cry. “I’m sorry.”

“Haha,” Draven felt a bit of pride in himself for making his boyfriend cum so quickly, “I didn’t realize I was t- wait what? Are you okay? Do you…”

That pride dissipated as quickly as it came once he realized his boyfriend was crying.

“D-did I hurt you?? Are you okay? D-do you need.. Uh..” Draven trailed off, irritated with himself and upset for his partner. “Fuck. How did I..”

Why is he apologizing? He didn’t do anything wrong, it’s all my fault.

“James.. I..” Draven grabbed his partners hand tight, “I’m here. It’s okay. What’s wrong. Please tell me.” He leaned in closer. “Please?”

“I. I don’t.. Draven, I can’t feel anything anymore.” James regained his composure enough to speak a bit more, “A-and.. I don’t know how to feel about.. You.. or anything..” James felt sick. The guilt was overwhelming. He just told his boyfriend, who he cares about more than anything in the world, he doesn’t know if he loves him anymore.

“J-James.. I.. how long have you been feeling like this..?” Draven was shaken.

“...months now..? I-I don’t really remember.. I just woke up one day and everything just felt.. Grey.. and displaced.” James averted his gaze from his partners. “A-and.. Uh.. I’ve been.. Trying to like, fuck, I don’t know, cope with it? Fix it? B-but.. It’s just all too much for me.” He sighed and buried his face in his hands.

James wanted to crawl into a hole and have this be over with. Wake up one day and everything is just A-Ok!

But he knew that wasn’t possible. And he didn’t want to go any farther with harming himself, the cuts on his legs were too fresh. He was just begging to feel something.

When Draven first saw James’ scars it shocked him. He wasn’t sure how he didn’t notice beforehand because they definitely weren’t fresh.

He felt disgustingly guilty for letting his boyfriend do that to himself. But, he felt even worse for letting his boyfriend suffer enough that he had to do it to himself, in secret.

Draven began to cry and grabbed his boyfriends hand and held it tight. “Y-you know.. My Dad always said love was a commitment, not a feeling. Love can feel fleeting at times.. B-but.. The commitment to keep a relationship going despite feelings of insecurity.. Fuck.. I don’t know what I’m saying.”

Draven squeezed his boyfriends hand tighter and let out a whimper. “I’m sorry for not noticing sooner.. Or even, like, asking sooner.. I know how tough things are but you are strong.. Or so I thought. No one is infallible. I was dumb to think so.”

“Draven….” James grabbed his boyfriends hand back. “DRAVEN!” James began to sob harder. “I- *sniff* I don’t want to lose you! I fucking love you.. More than anything in the world.” He wiped the snot from his face, eyes still red, puffy, and full of tears, and glanced up at his crying boyfriend. “So please, stay with me?”

Draven took a moment to compose himself. “Always. I’ll always be right with you. I promise.”

Draven reached over to the nightstand and grabbed some tissues. “Now clean yourself up, you are literally stickier than flypaper. It’s gross.”

James giggled, “Alright. Alright. I admit it is gross being covered in lube, snot, and cum at the same time.” James got up, glancing over at his boyfriend laying on the bed with a smile on his face staring back at himself. “Thanks.”

Draven grinned even wider, “No problem, bun.”

#draven kondraki #james talloran #scp #talloraven #scp foundation #writing #I bring you.. This.

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hiddlesgirl · 6 years

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SH 314: A Kiss From a Rose

This week’s episode was definitely an improvement on last week, although it is not quite as good as 311 and 312. The flow felt better, there were a few great scenes and we are seeing the real beginnings of some major plotlines appearing. However, there was one major issue I had which pertains to the Maia and Jordan scenes; and I will be discussing it. I loved protective Alec and Magnus is making my heart ache; the Clace date was adorable and Jonathan is creepy but that’s no surprise to anyone.

The fact that Jonathan had a Seelie glamoured as Clary is several levels of creepy, but I found it really interesting that his perception of her is virginal. We know that Clary is not a virgin; we know that she had sex with Jace in 313 but I’m almost 100% sure that she and Simon had sex while they were dating in 2A and she may have even lost her virginity before that; we can’t know for sure. But the fact that Jonathan sees her as pure and untouched is rather fascinating; he is clearly putting her on some sort of pedestal, seeing her as this pure angel who can save and redeem him.

I really did not like that Maia was trapped in the same storage room that Luke locked her in, in 209; we know how terrified she is of being trapped in small spaces and I kinda hate that they did that too her again. Surely there was another way out, I mean the back door was right there which leads into a dock full of storage containers which while not great they would have been a little bigger and wouldn’t have brought back those memories from 209.

My heart really goes out to Maia because her phobia is clearly very present and distressing for her; I think that portraying phobias this way is good because it shows the reality of it and also brings panic attacks into the conversations Shadowhunters is often so good at starting. I liked that Jordan stayed calm and helped her through her panic attack, keeping her calm in a situation that causes her great distress.

I thought that the Clace morning scene was very sweet, they don’t often have these moments just to be with each other and it’s great that they are getting that now. Clary is clearly concerned about Jonathan and their bond, the message on her arm has disturbed her and has once again reaffirmed that no matter how hard she tries to forget or ignore Jonathan, he isn’t going anywhere.

It’s a little strange to see Jace so insecure and vulnerable, but in a good way; he hardly ever really opens up, especially romantically. To see him be vulnerable with Clary shows how far he has come since season 1 and how much her loves her to let her in, to let her know how important she is.

Izzy is determined to get to the bottom of what is happening at the Gard, even more so after Greenlaw’s death; she knows that it must be important if the Clave are willing to kill their own to keep their secret. Since season 1 she has loudly advocated for the rights and against the bad treatment of Downworlders and I love seeing that side of her again. Also, I am loving that she has her own, very important, storyline which is extremely relevant; she has a strong moral compass and she is not going to let fear for her own well being get in the way of doing what’s right. I am very excited to see where this storyline goes.

In case you haven’t read my 311 review, my loose theory at the moment is that they are somehow trying to purify the demon blood in Downworlders as a way to get rid of them because they know they cannot just keep killing them without backlash from the younger generations. By purifying the demon blood they would presumably just become mundanes, therefore the Clave can eradicate Downworlders without committing mass murders. This theory started because a while ago I heard theories and rumours that Luke may be becoming a Shadowhunters again (I think this started because there was a picture of Isaiah on set with runes applied, the crew said it was just a bit of fun but who knows); paired with the footage of Luke from the Freeform trailer in one frame of which he has the same glowing veins and eyes.

We learn that Lorenzo has forbidden all warlocks in New York from helping Magnus (which is so freaking despicable); I did see a few tweets wondering why Magnus didn’t contact one of his warlock friends from another county to help him. My opinion is that he didn’t because that warlock would have to travel to New York to help him (NY warlocks are not allowed to help him in anyway which would presumably include creating him a portal to someone who would help him) and in doing so would be in Lorenzo’s territory, and therefore (presumably) have to abide by his rules. Even those who come from somewhere else have to respect and obey the local High Warlock; so Magnus cannot portal to help and help would have to abide by Lorenzo’s rules if they came to him.

I cannot stand Lorenzo, he is revelling in Magnus’ situation and the pain it’s causing him; and is loving being able to hold power over him by making sure that Magnus would have to come to him for help. I hate that Magnus feels so lost and desperate that he is willing to ask Lorenzo for help, but I also understand it; you can see how severely losing his magic has affected him, he feels stranded and hates not being able to help people. Unfortunately, we all know that this isn’t going to end well as Lorenzo warns; and I am terrified. The thing is that this isn’t Magnus’ true magic it is a supply of Lorenzo’s, so he is still mortal and has a magic that is not his own. His body is going to start rejecting it and is unable to sustain the power of it, especially because it is not the magic he was born with.

Even though I was a little annoyed that Maia’s happiest memory was of Jordan I can understand why, in that moment obviously her memories that involve him would be at the forefront plus it might not be just because it was Jordan, but to have someone to rely on who will come to help you when you call.

I really like that Jace took Clary ice skating because it was something she used to do with her mum, to help Clary relive those memories and create new ones. The tone of the scene was very sweet, tender and joyful; I love seeing them having fun with each other and being able to enjoy something mundane together. Also, Kat actually learned to ice skate for this scene and I am in even more awe of her because she looks very at ease; plus, Dom can actually ice skate and had to pretend he couldn’t, it can sometimes be difficult to pretend to not know how to do something because your body automatically wants to do it from muscle memory.

When Jonathan turned into Jace I was literally screaming ‘no’ at the TV because you know that it is not going to end well, especially knowing the very skewed way he sees love and that he has kissed Clary in the past while glamoured.

I absolutely loved the looks of confusion on both Alec and Underhill’s faces when Magnus’ comes in and is using magic to sort through the documents; I was thinking that this was when Magnus and Underhill were going to meet but unfortunately not. But it is coming next week (if they haven’t cut it), hopefully we will finally learn Underhill’s first name and I am so hoping it goes really well. I also love Magnus’ look to Alec to make sure he is watching and looks appropriately shocked.

I love that Harry is keeping consistency with Magnus’ tendency to just throw things on the floor when he doesn’t need them or something else catches his attention. He is clearly trying to avoid telling Alec the full truth about how he got magic and what the consequences of it are, he feels so happy to have it back and knows that Alec would worry if he knew the details so has decided to not tell him right now so they can both enjoy the moment.

Alec knows that something is wrong and wants to know why Lorenzo was willing to help Magnus; he doesn’t trust Lorenzo and wants to be able to support Magnus. He knows that Lorenzo wouldn’t do something for Magnus’ without asking for something in return and he is worried about what that might be. Plus, surely he recognises that it isn’t Magnus’ true magic from the colour and is already scared about what might happen to Magnus if the situation goes badly.

I like that Clary is being honest with Jace about what happened, she knows that nothing good comes from keeping secrets and that he would want to know, to help and be there for her. She is confused with Jace’s replies of Jonathan being crazy about her and kidnapping her out of love, she is definitely put off by this but she doesn’t click.

Jonathan definitely looks angry, annoyed, put out? I can’t quite describe the exact emotion but he definitely is not happy to hear the implication that Clary and Jace have had sex, I’m not sure if this is some form of jealousy or if it is just because it is shattering his pure visage of her. I liked the scene and Dom does a really great job of acting as Jonathan, but you feel a bit annoyed that Clary didn’t get more of a sense that something isn’t right because Jace’s whole demeanour is off and she is smarter than falling for the thinly veiled deceit.

I really did not like that Jordan kept trying to talk about what he did to Maia, by turning her and abandoning her, despite the fact that she tells him twice (in slightly different ways) to not talk about it right now. He just carries on and it’s not even about how she feels, it’s about his feelings and self pity “I’ll never forgive myself”, instead of making the conversation about Maia, acknowledging that he wronged her and all her feelings about that are valid, once again it is about his need for forgiveness. The whole scene feels so Jordan orientated, getting him his redemption before he might die and I hate that because Maia is the person who was wronged.

Then it gets worse when she says “I forgive you”, I hated that because she is saying that because she is scared he is dying and that is the only reason. It has only been a week since he talked to her about what was going on with him back then and suddenly she is ready to forgive him when not a few days before she couldn’t bear to be in the same city as him? Also, if she is going to forgive him then it needs to be for her, because she is ready to move on and let go of the anger and upset; not because he is hurt and she wants to make him feel better.

Maia then goes on to say that she was feeling a lot of emotions because of what happened but that it doesn’t matter now, all this implies that she is the one at fault for feeling angry that he did terrible things to her and almost perpetuates victim blaming. By saying that the negative emotions she was feeling doesn’t matter implies that those feelings are invalid and sends out a potentially harmful message; Maia has every right to feel those things because she was attacked by someone she loved and trusted. Just because he was going through something difficult and is sorry doesn’t change what he did or how it made her feel.

Another thing (sorry I know I’m ranting but I do not like Jordan as a character and I don’t like how this situation has been handled), despite his constant insistence that he is sorry he has not shown development or change in his behaviour. He still insists on being heard whether the other person (Maia) wants to engage in that conversation or not, putting himself and his feelings first; he has not sort any help for his clear anger control issues (evident with him losing control with the vampires) which you think he would have done after his loss of control causing this entire situation in the first place; and he is still abandoning people, he was ready to just up and leave Simon now the mark is gone, granted that was the reason he was there in the first place but surely (with the Praetors job being to make sure new Downworlders adjust to their new lives) he would stick around for a few more weeks for make sure Simon is dealing properly; he was just going to leave without giving Maia full closure on their past, letting her work out her issues while he kept a slight distance but being available should she want to talk; and he was going to leave the Praetor without saying anything to them as we know from their phone call to Luke they think he has gone awol, so obviously he hasn’t spoken to them about taking some time away from them.

I saw a poll on Twitter the other day where they asked what people’s options were on why Jordan attacked Maia, and the three answers were ‘Abusive’, ‘First time wolf out’ and ‘Don’t care’; but I think that the situation was too complicated to just peg it down to one or the other. Yes, Jordan was turning so his emotions were heightened which caused him to lash out or react badly to a situation. However, him turning did not make him stalk is ex-girlfriend; he made the decision to follow Maia and watch her while she was on a date with someone else knowing that it would make him jealous, then he decided to follow and confront her about it. So, him turning caused the heightened state which led to his loss of control and turning her, but it was his own decisions and actions in stalking her that led to that incident; if he had left her alone then it would not have happened.

Some may argue that many wolves attack people when they turn for the first time, Maia did too; and yes, that happens, but from what I understand it is usually a stranger that just happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time when someone is experiencing that first turn.

I still find it hard to believe that Clary doesn’t figure it out until Jonathan kisses her, his behaviour and speech is very different from Jace’s that she should have known something was wrong before then. Plus, it just made me cringe because for one incest, ew, but also we already suffered through one incest kiss between them, did we really need another one? I know that it’s because Jonathan doesn’t understand the lines between sibling, platonic and romantic love and how to show it, plus probably some effort of putting a claim on her; but it just freaks you out. The only solid reason why I think they did another incest kiss is because he was disguised as Jace, and that this is the start of a wedge developing in the romantic side of Clary and Jace’s relationship, this is the only story relevant reason I could think of as to why they would do that again.

Magnus is enjoying having his magic by creating a portal, lighting the torches and removing the lid of the sarcophagus; but Alec is worried about Magnus over doing it, telling him to take it easy. He has no idea what this new magic, or the overexertion of it, could do to Magnus. We learn that the Morningstar Sword was stolen about 20 years ago and that it has the power to call an army of demons from Hell. Well, that kinda solves the mystery of the demons flying around in the trailers, shit.

Magnus finally tells Alec that Lorenzo asked for his apartment in return for the magic, Alec is absolutely fuming and ready to attack Lorenzo. His distrust has been proven right and he is furious that Lorenzo has taken advantage of Magnus’ situation and has taken his home from him, especially at a time that Magnus has lost so many other things. Plus, it has become home for Alec too; it hold’s almost all of his memories of his relationship with Magnus and he hates that Lorenzo is taking that away from them both.

Magnus explains that he willing gave up his apartment for the magic and why; magic is more important to him than the apartment, which at the end of the day is just a thing. This scene makes me cry, listening to Magnus describe how without his magic he feels cut off from the world, disconnected and that he doesn’t matter; I think that it is very easy for a lot of people to identify with those feelings, I know that I really identified with feeling those things in my darkest times and it is so refreshing and validating to hear a character talk about it.

Magnus is making Alec understand how being without his magic has completely changed how he connects with the world and with others, in Season 1 he told Clary that he thought Dot dead because he couldn’t feel her magic anymore. So not only did he lose a part of himself but he also lost his connection to his friends, his people; there is no wonder he feels so separate and adrift. Magnus reassures Alec that having him and his magic is enough for him to happy; you can tell that Alec isn’t happy with the situation and its consequences but he smiles because he can see the difference in Magnus and appreciates why he has done this.

I love seeing Luke and Simon scenes, I love their relationship; my heart aches for them because you can see their devastation upon finding the massacre at the Jade Wolf, Luke’s especially because you can see he is swimming with guilt as well. We know that Luke is going to blame himself for this, thinking that if he was there or if was still Alpha then they would still be alive. Luckily, Simon hears Maia and helps her escape the storage room.

When Izzy and Jace come to help Clary escape, Clary is unable to draw the sedative rune on Jonathan, she looks confused and horrified in the moment and after that she was unable to make herself incapacitate him. Personally I think that this was for a couple of reasons; firstly, in that moment Jonathan does appear vulnerable in his expression and that causes Clary to just see her brother, in that second she doesn’t see the murderer she just sees her brother, her last remaining blood relative; secondly, I think that the rune and their connection is going stronger, and that is causing them to not want to cause harm to each other or in this case cause their capture. It would make sense that the rune would grow in strength over time and that is going to cause behaviour changes, possibly feeding Clary’s darker impulses.

Simon helps Maia get Jordan to the Praetor while Luke allows himself to be arrested; it hurts because you know that Luke let that happen because he felt guilty, responsible for their deaths and didn’t just want to leave them. I know that he is going to keep feeling guilty about this but I hope that Maia, Simon and Clary will help him deal with it.

My absolute favourite scene of the entire episode, Alec confronts Lorenzo! I love it, Alec calls out Lorenzo for taking advantage of Magnus and wanting to humiliate him; he knows that Lorenzo dislikes Magnus and would not let this opportunity to get back at him pass him by. He despises him for hurting Magnus, for taking advantage of someone in a clearly vulnerable position but also because Lorenzo is supposed to be a leader and is abusing his power to get what he wants. He doesn’t allow Lorenzo to mock him and reasserts his power as the Head of the Institute; making it known that Alec will not tolerate any back talk or disrespect from Lorenzo.

He is willing to make a deal with Lorenzo to get the apartment back, he knows how independent Magnus is and despite what he says Alec knows that losing his home is going to hurt him. He is willing to do whatever it takes to protect Magnus. I absolutely love Matt’s acting in this scene, the distain in his expression and the little twitch of his face when Lorenzo talks about putting Magnus in his place. Matt is so fantastic at conveying so much in small movements and facial expressions, and you can tell that in that moment Alec wanted to rip Lorenzo limb from limb.

I love that Alec makes his distain of Lorenzo as a person and a leader clear, he hates how Lorenzo conducts himself as High Warlock and doesn’t respect him as a leader at all; a good leader supports those under their care and doesn’t take advantage of them for their own gain and petty vendetta. He makes it clear that he is going to be keeping an extremely close eye on Lorenzo and is waiting for him to slip up, Alec is going to bide his time so that he can punish Lorenzo when the time is right and in a situation that no one can refute his decision. I was literally laughing, hollering and clapping throughout this entire scene; it reminded me of 210 when he told Aldertree to stay away from his family, I love seeing him in hyper-protective mode.

At this point I cannot see any redemption arc for Lorenzo because he takes credit for Magnus’ achievements (the purified ley lines from 302), enjoys causing suffering and revels in humiliating Magnus in any and all ways possible. He may have some past with Magnus that caused his hatred, but we don’t know what that is, maybe Magnus did something to him or maybe Lorenzo is just jealous of him; jealous of his power and how many people like him, he knows that Magnus has the support of a lot of warlocks and that clearly rubs him the wrong way. But no matter their history, Lorenzo has acted despicably; especially as High Warlock, his job if to lead and protect no matter his own grievances and he has shown that he is incapable of putting aside petty rivalries to do that.

And I’m crying again; Magnus looks so happy enjoying a cocktail in Hunter’s Moon, you can tell that he feels so much happier and like himself now. I love his interaction with the bartender and seeing him smile so broadly. Then I breakdown when his head starts ringing and nose starts bleeding after he opens the portal, we know that this is the beginning of something horrifying and we are not ready. His symptoms are only going to get worse with time and continued use of the magic, but he is not going to willingly give it up because he has experienced living without it and cannot go back to feeling like that.

I love seeing Izzy back in the lab, and she finds a USB drive inside of Greenlaw; I need to see what is on there! Plus she looks gorgeous in these scenes, especially with the lighting.

Clary is angry with herself for not being able to detain Jonathan, she knows that he needs to be caught and poses danger to them; she feels like she failed and doesn’t understand why. Throughout the whole scene it appears that she has difficulty even looking at Jace which is understandable but also hints that my theory of a wedge between them may be right. She tells Jace about the kiss, she needs to be honest and to be able to express her feelings about it; she feels violated, she was kissed by someone under false pretences and that person was her brother. You can see the distress she feels at being kissed without her consent, I am glad that they addressed her feelings about this.

I really liked Jace’s ‘swear on us’ line, it shows his strength of feeling for her and how much he believes in their relationship; he believes that they can survive anything, together. It is clear that what Jonathan has done is going to have a lasting effect because Clary turns away from Jace’s kiss; it is completely understandable because all she will be able to think about is Jonathan taking advantage of her. I hope that they can move past this but that remains to be seen.

Jonathan is very pleased with the fact that Clary was unable to capture him and is sure that they will soon be reunited; I wonder if he knows the real strength and effect of the twinning rune.

But what I did find very interesting, and looking back you can kinda see it in 313 too, is the continuous reappearance of fire with Clary and Jonathan. Plus, in that last scene it was fire that transitioned their scenes; I thought it was very clever and interesting. I wonder if it is because of the twinning rune, Jonathan’s demon blood or because of Jonathan’s experience being burned and burning himself.

Okay, I really liked this episode and it was definitely an improvement on last week. Yes, I did have issues with the Jordan and Maia scenes, but hopefully I have explained them in a way in which you can understand where my opinion comes from.

In 315, Magnus is now living at the Institute, he meets Underhill, they are dealing with Heidi and we might be seeing Raphael return!

#SH 3x14 Review #Shadowhunters #A Kiss From a Rose #SH 314 #Shadowhunters Review #SH 3x14 #SH 314 Review #SH314 #SH3x14 #Shadowhunters 314 #Shadowhunters 3x14

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bts-love-sweat-tears · 6 years

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Amor Fati, pt. 3

Title: Amor Fati, pt. 3

Pairing: Hoseok x reader,

Type:soulmate!au, angst, fluff

Rating: PG-13: language, a pinch of self-loathing, crying Hobi (I love when men cry when they need to).

Word Count: 1,356-I guess it’s short but it feel like a lot happened? I could have dragged out the angst but I hate when tv shows/movies/ books drag out the miscommunication. Let me know your thoughts :)

Listening to: The quiet chatter of conversations around me and the “This is Marian Hill” Spotify playlist on super low volume.

A/N: Wow, apparently I’m a die-hard, sappy romantic. This part was hard to write because it had so much more to do with interpersonal relationships and so little to do with the timer/sci-fi/soulmate part of it. The dialogue section in particular was killing me. Handwrote this part in a notebook that I carry around, so I had a fun time deciphering my atrocious handwriting. Without further ado, please enjoy the final part of Amor Fati....

But what can be done, the one who loves must share the fate of the one he loves.

― Mikhail Bulgakov,The Master and Margarita

Part 1, Part 2

(The Snickers are weird, yes, but it’s a mood lol)

It has been over a month since you literally ran out on Hobi. It had been surprisingly easy to “ghost on” him, at least physically. You had simply avoided the park the two of you had long shared and ignored his increasingly infrequent text messages. On the one hand, you were ashamed of your Immature behavior, but on the other, the timer had been a cornerstone of your identity for so long. You were having a hard time just throwing that away.

The emotional separation, on the other hand, was much more difficult to manage. Recently, and perhaps too late, your conviction had begun to waver. You had always been the strong, independent friend as you watched others in your group pair off, despite longing for a soulmate of your own. But you miss one friend in particular in a way that borders on pining. You’re constantly reminded of him through myriad tiny triggers: a clear day with puffy clouds that would be perfect for a picnic date, the slightly nubby pair of pajamas you wore on the last lazy Saturday, a glowing smile from a stranger that is a cheap imitation of his. Usually you try to stop yourself from getting too melodramatic, but today you’re finding it more difficult than usual since it’s one of those aforementioned irritatingly beautiful days.

Surely, after a month, it would be safe to go back to the park?You think, justifying it with the fact that he hasn’t texted you in six days, almost a week. You further rationalize that if you can feel comfortable in the park again, reclaim the space as “yours,” it might help you to move forward and carry on with your life as planned.

With it decided, the rest of your day flies by. There is almost a slight bounce in your step as you grab your lunch from the shared office refrigerator, head out the main entrance, and down the corresponding stairs. You feel a moment of slight apprehension as you pass through the gates of the small park, but the metaphorical coast is clear. Feeling bold and empowered by the success of your choices thus far, you impulsively decide to take it a step further, and head directly to the bench where the two of you first met, wanting to clear it of any of the symbolic sway it holds over you. A concerned voice in the back of your mind nags that it might be too soon, but by the time you have understood what your intuition is reminding you of, you have matched gazes with the one person you had convinced yourself wouldn’t be there. Determined not to look away first, though you realize you’ve already been caught, you are surprised by the emotions you see reflected there.

Hurt-yes, you expected and shared that feeling. Surprise-also expected. But also happiness, unsteady hope, and if you weren’t mistaken (or projecting), something akin to adoration. This emotion confused you more than the suddenness of the interaction. How could he still think of you positively in anyway, when you’d been responsible for the rift and pain in the relationship? He spoke before you could wallow in self-pity for long, a reminder of why, in so many ways, he was right for you.

“Y/N?” He says slowly, eyes scanning your face, as though to verify it’s really you. Your throat feels tight, and you wonder for a moment if your brain is still regulating your breathing.

He looks as radiant as always, if a little tired under the eyes. Seeing him after so long has your heart hurting, and you realize that this is what heartbreak really feels like. Being physically close but emotionally far from someone. Everything you’d been feeling previously was just a shadow of the true emotion.

“I never thought I’d see you again,” he says and you notice wetness pooling at the corners of his eyes. Somehow, this pains you more than your own heartbreak. “ I kept calling and texting with no response- I was about to give up. I came here today to try to finally forget you, but here you are.” His voice sounds tighter than it usually does, and you realize belatedly that he is trying to keep it together just as much as you are-and apparently doing a worse job.

Before you can force your mouth to shape words, he’s continuing, the words spilling out of him in a way the tears at the corners of his eyes won’t. “Fucking fate- I’ve been trying to outrun it and control my own life. I thought I was doing a good job- removing the timer, pursuing whatever I wanted in the meantime. I was distracting myself endlessly. But then you showed up, and it was magnetic. There was nothing I ever wanted more than I wanted to be with you.” Despite the impact of his words, he’s no longer looking at you.

“I told myself I was choosing you over and over again. But if I were really choosing the relationship, would I chooseto stay with someone who believes the exact opposite, and embraces a preordained fate? Would I choose to stay with someone who would throw it away when things are finally progressing? Would I waste time figuring out how to reassure the person, when they’ve already left because of something I can’t give them?” He is openly crying now, and he is unable to continue. People are looking over, but you could not care less.

He’s right about so many things, but one thing in particular is true in this moment: The two of you are magnetic. You drift closer, and before you know it, you are seated next to him, rubbing comforting circles on his back as he cries. Even though you should feel angry or hurt, you are only focused on his pain at the moment. None of the his venom is directed toward you, but rather the situation.

You had spent so much time trying to wait for someone perfect: essentially, Hobi, but with a timer. Seeing him here, struggling to wrap his head around whatever is (or isn’t) happening between you, you realize that it was all wasted effort. Even if someone had a timer, they could never be him. You would always be benchmarking them against his smile, his openness, his jokes, how comfortable the two of you felt together, his determination at seeing whatever this is out.

You hate yourself at the moment. You had come so close to throwing this away. He’s struggling with meeting you halfway, and you’ve been struggling with meeting him. But you no longer care. Even without the timer, you knowthat Hobi is your soulmate. You might never know for sure,but you know.

*Months later*

Your tale hadn’t been the normal one of soulmates-the two of you would be forever reaffirming your commitment to each other in ways that other couples could take for granted. But even though that may be true, you no longer felt like it cheapened the bond that you and Hobi shared. You had a prettier way of expressing what you were feeling written on the piece of paper somewhere in the folds of your formalwear, but you were feeling it so clearly, the adrenaline of your wedding day bringing everything into razor-sharp focus.

Maybe your tale hadn’t had the most auspicious start, but it would have the same ending and continue on the same footing as all the others. That was something that comforted you-the universality of the love you were feeling, even if the details were different. Surrounded by your friends and family, hand in hand with the love of your life, committing to be the last one the other would love. While they may have raised their eyebrows at his decision to remove his timer, or yours to continue regardless, they certainly would have understood the emotions that brought both of you here on this day. As the officiant encouraged him to lean in, you saw every assurance you needed written on the map of his face.

#hoseok x reader #hoseok x you #bts soulmate au #bts angst #bts fanfic #bts fluff

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lubdubsworld · 7 years

Text

Taehyung x Reader, Jk x Reader

Rating 19 +

Angst

Warnings: age difference? Y/N is a little older. love triangles.

It may help if you like both tae and jk because the reader gets with both of them ...

Part 1

"Cue."

He watched you pose for still after still, your smile becoming steadily harder to hold, your gait becoming just a little bit less surefooted and your eyes growing steadily weary. He wanted to clear the whole place out, order them all to just leave you alone but instead all he could do was bow lower when another coordi noona passed by, burrowing his face in his oversized hoodie, hoping no one would recognize him.

He hadn't seen you in twenty three days. It was a long time even by your standards. Every few weeks , he tried to at least spend a couple of days with you, exclusively but lately, with your drama and photo shoots and variety recordings , it was damn near impossible to get time together. Now that his drama was wrapped up, he wanted to make things up to you. Maybe if you agreed you could take a vacation. For as long as you wanted.

He'd always wanted to take you to Venice.

It was another hour and a half before the shoot wrapped up, Taehyung went further into the shadows, although it was technically unnecessary. This was presumably the most hectic part of the entire thing, sometimes even more than the part where they set up the shoot. Unlike other models who always insisted on leaving at once, you hung back, helping people out and taking care of your own wardrobe changes.

when you finally stepped out of your dressing room, dressed in a simple sleeveless white T-shirt and blue jeans, your hair neatly wrapped in a high pony and your face bare of all make up, he felt the familiar ache start inside his center.

You were the only real thing in a life of delusional fame and surreal popularity. Back when he'd been a struggling novice actor to the time when he'd become a household name , you had always treated him the same. You caught sight of him and stopped, eyes widening.

"Taehyung-ah..." you mouthed looking around in obvious panic. He grinned and went closer. If it were up to him, he would announce to the world that they were dating. But Ji Hyo was so violently against the whole thing that he had given up asking your about it. And deep down he knew you was right. Theirs wasn't a forgiving society and the same fans who worshipped them one second could end their careers with ease.

"Let's go. " He looped his hand with hers and quickly moved to one of the service exits. You shifted your bag from one shoulder to the other, squeezing his fingers and leaning against him with a sigh.

"Should I carry you?" He teased, half serious.

"you look worse than me. Just don't collapse and make me carry you." You retorted in your usual fashion and he grinned. Your candid, tomboyish way of talking was one of the things he adored about you. Impulsively, he reached out and lightly stroked your cheek. Jumping, you stepped away from him, shooting furtive glances around. He tried not to role his eyes at that.

"You should stop being so scared. What's the worse that could happen?" He smiled. You gave him a ' Really? you're going to ask that ? ' kind of look.

"Anyway, why are you here? " You said, once you'd climbed into his luxury sedan and buckled yourself in.

"I wanted to get laid." He winked, giving you a sleazy grin and lightly tapping your knee. You rolled your eyes but a smile played in the corner of your lips. Instead of responding , you pulled out the hair-tie holding your hair up and he watched the way your short , straight hair fell in careless waves around your face.

He admired that about you , among other things. Despite being an actress , you never paid much attention to yourself and you didn't really need to, either. You looked pretty , wholesome.

Real.

And you belonged to him. Every pale, beautiful rebellious bit of you was his to touch and love and kiss and hold.

He brought his foot down hard on the accelerator, eager to get you home.

Making love to Taehyung was like a serene waltz, you thought in distracted pleasure, enjoying the way he spent so much time, just kissing every little bit of you. You always felt like a some pagan goddess being reverently worshiped and it amazed your that he seemed to genuinely think you were still the most attractive woman of his acquaintance.

He crawled back up , lightly nipping your nose and dropping a kiss on the corner of your mouth.

"What are you thinking? " He stroked your brow lightly.

"I'm thinking you should be out with a younger, prettier woman." You said.

"Can I invite her in here, instead?" He winked, earning himself a sharp jab in his side.

Smiling, he drew you close, fingers moving down your back to cup your bottom, making you throw your leg over his as he yanked your panties off. You smiled, kissing him softly as he stroked you, fingers slipping in without any resistance as he pulled you closer still.

You held on to his shoulders, fingers digging into the pale skin on his back as he worked slowly and patiently, bringing you to release with just his fingers. It didn't take long because you hadn't been touched in such a long time and your body had been hotwired from the moment you'd seen him that day.

You shut your eyes as climax hit you, not with the explosive bang that you usually had but in a sort of gentle, mind numbing softness. Like waves lapping at your feet. You shuddered against him and he kissed you, soft little kisses till you stopped trembling.

You wanted to return the favor, kiss him in places that would have him begging but he wasn't in the mood, gently flipping you over , slipping out of his clothes and pushing into you before you could catch your breath.

The first thrust literally stole your breath away. You hadn't had sex in nearly a month and your body reminded you that you still were essentially a lot smaller than him. It was a tight fit and you had to grit your teeth just to keep breathing, the pleasure incredibly intense. Sighing you held on as he thrust inside you, each stroke marked by his labored breathing, sweat gathering on his forehead as he lightly kissed your nipples and licked them.

It didn't last long and you were grateful when he didn't immediately pull out of you, his weight heavy and hard against your even as you stroked his back , the back of his head, threading your fingers through his hair. You kissed the side of his head, his ears and the softness of his cheek, rubbing yourself against the slight stubble there.

When he did pull out, your body protested meekly and you swallowed the urge to grab him and keep him inside yourself. Instead, you crawled a bit upwards, turning around and gathering him close until his face rested on the swell of your breasts, his arm draped over you as you kissed the top of his head.

"This is what I need, every night." He said, voice muffled . You grinned and glanced down at him, the way his face rested on your breasts and the look of contentment on his face.

You had wanted to talk to him about something important, but looking at him like this you couldn't bring yourself to say it out loud. As he fell asleep against you, your mind began to rewind the last weeks.

Or rather years.

When you had met five years ago, Taehyung had been twenty five and ...there really was no other word for it, adorable. You had been flattered by his tenacious pursuit of you, his puppy dog eyes and his fervent oath to never let your go. You'd laughed at his enthusiasm back then and almost as a joke, you'd agreed to date him.

You had been so certain that he would get over his noona-crush , that he would outgrow his silly fascination with your, once he realized how incredibly talented and handsome and manly he really was. Once he saw the other , more gorgeous feminine and successful actresses throw themselves at him.

A few weeks, you told herself. A few weeks and he would change his minds.

But the weeks turned into months and the months turned into years.

And here you guys were.

Not exactly just friends, not exactly crazy in love lovers and not exactly two fully committed adults. You didn't know what you were.

He would never agree but deep down you knew you were holding him back. The past few weeks had only reaffirmed your belief that you weren't doing him any favors by staying in his life, not when this was the most crucial point of his acting career. He had refused several movie roles and you knew that some part of him had backed away because he hadn't wanted to spend a lot of time away from you. You couldn't face yourself, if your presence began to hinder his career.

And now, the constant media attention on him would mean even fewer chances to meet each other. Taehyung never realized the risk he was taking every time he tried to pull stunts like the one he did today. Or maybe he did, and just didn't care. Either way , he was treading dangerous waters for you and you felt guilty just thinking about it.

Tomorrow, you would tell him.

Tell him that they ought to take a break from each other.

and this time, no matter how much he tried to convince you otherwise, you would walk out of his life.

Even if he hated you for it.

~~~~~~~~~~

"You're late." Yoongi grinned catching sight of your panda-eyes and groggy gaze and giving your a slight nudge. You shifted the ridiculously large bouquet of wildflowers from one hand to another. The card read, ' To the song of my life from the song in yours.'

Clever.

"I suppose you were the one who told Taehyung, I was shooting at SBS?" You rolled your eyes and tied your shoelaces. The day’s work was done and most of the members had already gone. One of your co workers had offered you a ride home and you had refused, too tired to put up with even the harmless flirtation he tossed your way.

No, today you wanted to relax and listen to wise counsel. Ergo, Min Yoongi.

"I'm going to break up with him." you said firmly. Yoongi rolled his eyes and paid for the bowl of patbingsu.

"If I had a 1000 Won for every time you said this." He teased, lightly grabbing your elbow and leading you to a private booth in the cafeteria.

You walked distractedly, your mind running in circles. You had left a sleeping Taehyung on the bed, with a note to meet up for some dessert at eleven that night. It was still a little past nine and you wanted to get your head straight before you spoke to him.

Yoongi had a way of always bringing out the logical part of you and you were rather desperately in need of some logical reasoning. . Especially because Taehyung was the most unreasonable person on the planet.

"Is it because of Bo Gum?" Yoongi said quietly, all seriousness and you physically withdrew in surprise. Blinking you let out a shocked laugh.

"No. why would you... No. I don't feel that way about him...anymore." you whispered, familiar unwanted feelings rising up and choking your throat. Although you were being honest when you said you didn't feel anything for Bo Gum, you couldn't blame Yoongi for asking. And though it was a long time ago, you still felt embarrassed and hot when you thought of how you had rather gracelessly pursued the quiet man. But that had been so many years back and you were a different girl now. Woman.

"That's good. It won't do you any good to.."

"I know." You said, rather sharply . You had no wish to be reminded of Bo Gum’s disinterest in you. It had hurt badly enough the first time.

"So?"

"I think I'm too old for him. " You said blithely and Yoongi grinned easily.

"We both know he doesn't give a damn about your age." He said shaking his head in denial. You rolled your eyes.

"I mean that I want to get out of the entertainment business." You said softly. That made Yoongi stop and stare, spoon suspended in midair as he looked at you in evident shock.

when he didn't say anything else, you sighed and dropped your head to the table.

"I want to get married. I want a family. Babies." You said listlessly, staring off into the far wall. " I've been thinking about it, oppa. I'm almost thirty years old. I should be settling down and all this fame and glitz...it just doesn't make me happy at the end of the day, when I go to an empty house and an empty bed. "

"Did you tell Tae that you were thinking of quitting?" He said quietly. You smiled bleakly.

"He would never believe me. Worse, he'll try to propose and pretend he wants to marry me."

"You think he doesn't want to marry you, eventually? You know that's not true Y/N.... I think the boy made up his mind when he was seventeen , that he was going to marry you." He said seriously and you felt a thrum of pleasure despite your misgivings.

It was flattering and enchanting, the knowledge of how much Taehyung actually liked you

"I know oppa. And I want to do the right thing. He has a wonderful life ahead of him and..."

You stopped when familiar fingers closed around your shoulders, effectively robbing you of breath.

"Tae.." You whispered in abject horror, too stunned to think straight. Yoongi was already getting up and moving away, looking horribly surprised.

"You guys should talk it out..." He said in embarrassment and you went cold as Taehyung pulled up a chair next to you. His face was impassive and he looked frighteningly calm.

"Were you going to break up with me, now?" He said cheerfully, with a wide smile that didn't reach his eyes. You hesitated, glancing at the exit.

"Try it... Try leaving and I'll throw you on the nearest table and kiss you right here, in front of everyone. Then you won't have to worry about our reputations, would you?" He said, with the same cheerful tone.

"You're being irrational." You began but he was already reaching for your wrists.

"I'm being me. And you should act like yourself instead of like a noble heroine in a tragic play."

"Let's go home... We'll talk this out in private." you said calmly and he yanked you closer. You followed him, almost happy at the prospect of finally getting a chance to talk things out with him. But you had barely reached his car before his phone rang.

You watched the way his face darkened in annoyance and you realized that it was happening again. Another script reading or meeting with a director and as always you would be left behind.

"Tell them I won’t be coming anywhere this week. I'm taking a few days off." He barked into the phone and you glared at him.

"What are you doing? You can't just refuse to..." you began but his grip on your arm tightened.

"Let's do it."

"What?"

"Let's register our marriage. Right now."

Your heart literally stopped.

"You're crazy."

"It was you. It's always been you. And it will always be you, till the day I die. " He said softly, his gaze going warm and fingers slipping into yours. You shook your head in confusion. Your heart was misleading you again. Telling you this would work out and it was time you stopped fooling yourself. He must've seen your face change because for the first time, something close to fear entered his tone.

"Don't say it...." He whispered.

"please Tae...."

"I'm begging you don't say it...!!" He said desperately, grabbing your wrist. You pulled your hand away with a choked sob.

"I'm so sorry...... I'm so sorry..." You said, already moving a few steps away.

"This isn't right. Does this feel right to you??" He said urgently, reaching for your again but you shut your eyes and shook your head.

"Let's not see each other again." You said quietly, watching the light fade out of his eyes.

And as the words left you , you knew that this time, they were real.

~~~~~~~

"You shouldn't be starving yourself ." Jung Kook said casually as he placed a small foil wrapped package in front of your desk in your apartment. You glanced at the gift and smiled. Your latest project had required you to lose more than 5 kilos and you'd been eating a lot less than usual.

It was sweet of Jung Kook to indulge you once in a while, you supposed, but the thought of how long you would have to work out to burn off those calories made you wary of opening the thing.

"You're a doll but please don't make me eat that." You grimaced and Kook rolled his eyes.

Easy for him, he was just one of those people who managed to look fit and sexy with minimum effort.

Like Taehyung

You sighed and glanced at your watch. It was seven forty five in the morning and you had already failed your daily resolution to not think about him. Never before had you given a thought to how much you thought about Taehyung on an average day. But now that you weren't supposed to...

It was already two months since you guys had broken up and you felt like you weremissing a limb.

And you were feeling increasingly foolish as well. You had never realized how much you had loved Taehyung, how much you had craved him.

even the little doses that you had been able to get over these years.

God, what a mistake this whole breakup thing had been.

But then, no point in trying to go back on it.

Because technically your reason for the breakup was still valid. It was your own reaction to the breakup that you had underestimated vastly. You had thought it would somehow be easy to get over him, seeing as you guys hadn't been seeing a lot of each other anyway but now you realized that just knowing he was there for you, knowing that he belonged to you had kept you centered for such a long time.

"Will you have dinner with me tonight?" Jung Kook asked quietly , a look of hopeful interest in his face and you felt like a heel.

"That's alright , I was planning on taking an early day off." The moment you said it, you realized it was true. You had been excessively tired lately and you wanted to catch up on a few winks. Not that you could sleep these days. You missed falling asleep to Taehyung’s voice. Sometimes he had sung soft little lullabies in his deep manly voice and you wished you had recorded a few of them at least.

Sighing you got up and stretched.

It was going to be a long day.

~~~~~~~~~~`

"Are you alright? " Someone was asking you and you realized that you were suddenly flat on your back, faces looming over with mute concern and you struggled to sit up straighter.

What had happened? One minute you had been posing for another photo and the next minute darkness had clouded your senses like a black curtain and here you were.

"We need to get you to a hospital. " Yoongi’s voice came floating and you blinked.

"Oppa?" You asked surprised. Familiar fingers touched your cheek and you smiled as Yoongi’s face came into view. He helped your sit up and you momentarily swayed, leaning heavily on him.

Yoongi sighed.

"I'm taking you the doctor and then home." He whispered.

An hour later you lay on the private VIP room while Yoongi spoke with someone behind the curtain, presumably the doctor.

"I'll tell her." His voice came floating and you felt a bit of foreboding rise inside you.

A few seconds later he came in , looking concerned.

"Are you alright?" He asked, looking upset. You nodded and sat up wincing when the movement pulled on IV line in your wrist.

"What's wrong?" You asked , heart thrumming in fear and he gave you a slightly worrying glance.

"I told the doctor I'll tell this to you but only because I wanted to say something else first."

"Oppa , stop scaring me..."

"Just know that we're going to get through this together, alright? Whatever happens we're going to be there for you. All of us."

I'm going to die, you thought in one rush of breath. I have some untreatable form of cancer that's going to kill me.

"And you don't have to do anything you don't want to. This can stay just between us if you want. "

I'm going to die in less than a month, Oh God, Taehyung...I need you....

"You're pregnant."

Suddenly the cancer didn't seem so bad.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You poured yourself a glass of milk and lightly peeled the paper off your dinner , a large plate of black bean noodles and Kimchi Fried Rice. No point dieting when you were going to blow up anyway.

Sighing you sat down in front of the French Windows gazing out into Seoul skyline. Rain was lashing the city and rivulets crept down the one way mirror. You watched each one making its way down, its path already decided for it by gravity.

Just as your life was now decided.

Your public life was over, you acknowledged blithely as you stared at the window. Instead of any sort of regret or disappointment you felt an odd sort of relief. You didn't have to formulate an excuse to get out of the whole entertainment industry right now. You could do it without any sort of hassle.

You laughed at that naive notion. Of course there would be hassles. There would be an explosion of epic proportions when this got out. You could imagine all the speculations that would occur regarding the baby's parentage and you could also imagine the colorful epithets which would be hung over your head, as a single mother.

Not just you, your child as well.

Oh, God what had you done.

More importantly, what to tell Taehyung?

You could just imagine what he would say. He would want to marry you at once and you wanted to sob at the unfairness of it. He would toss your child's future in your face and just like every other woman on the planet you would be forced to bend to your man's whim, because the other option would be disgrace in the eyes of society.

Tears slipped and fell and you glanced at herself in the mirror that hung on the nearest wall. You looked tired and haggard. Every bit of your 27 years, your eyes red from unshed tears and your t shirt stained with a bit of the noodle. You lifted the t shirt lightly, glancing at your flat tummy.

You were a little over eight weeks pregnant and you looked no different. You wouldn't be showing for another month at least and you supposed you would have to get your things in order and....

Sighing you tried to switch the thoughts in your head off. You needed to think straight before you contacted Taehyung. Like come up with an iron clad argument regarding why you could have this baby and not have it affect him or his career in any way. An iron clad argument that would convince him that you guys could maybe raise this baby, together , without making any sort of hasty decisions.

The phone rang , shattering your thoughts and you reached for it. It was Yoongi.

"Don't turn on the news." He said, sounding tense. You went ice cold.

Someone found out about the pregnancy , you thought in a panic. My life is over.

You fumbled for the TV Remote.

"Baby, do you hear me... I'm on the way to your place, don't turn the news on before I get there..."

But you already had.

The phone dropped out of your hands as you stared numbly at the television screen.

ACTOR KIM TAEHYUNG ANNOUNCES RELATIONSHIP WITH DRAMA COSTAR , LALISA MANOBAN.

" Oh , well. There's my ironclad argument." You said bleakly, staring at his happy, smiling face as he stood there with his gorgeous, successful new girlfriend.

Author’s Note : This is finished. I’ll update the whole thing today. adsfdgh. this is actually a fic I’d written earlier but I thought it suited tae and jk.... so I re wrote it... :-)

#TAEHYUNG SMUT #taehyung angst #taehyung #bts v #bts smut #bts fics #bts scenarios #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #love triangles

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