#he’s complex and he fucks up but it’s because he cannot fathom being genuinely wanted and loved by someone

[smedenn]

Blitzøs entire life spent being unwanted. So he adapted, and learned how to be something needed, something to be used.

Which is why I think he firmly believes he is being used by Stolas. He simply cannot fathom a different reality, one in which he is wanted for once in his life.

[daincrediblegg]

relationship asks: all numbers with a 6 in them, for lady terror of course ^_^

OH HELL YEAH THANK YOU KITTENS FOR THIS MAGNIFICENT OPPORTUNITY (this ended up being a 4 page fucking document but fuck it WE BALL. so I'll show a few and then put the rest under a cut- especially since some of them are a little bit raunchy. ENJOY MY LOVES COME GET YOUR SWEET FRANCIS/LADY TERROR CONTENT)

OC RELATIONSHIP ASKS

6. Who would ask the "would you love me if I were a worm?" question? How would their S/O answer?” Honestly I think Lady Terror would be the one to ask. Francis tells her yes and if she wanted to stay with him as a worm she’d “ be the best kept worm in all of christendom”, in his words (whatever that means, babygirl). 

16. Who is the better caretaker? Does their S/O like being taken care of? Honestly they’re both very good caretakers, though Francis is much better at “doing the things that need doing to care for a person” bit while Lady Terror I think is a bit better at like. Keeping people calm and feeling cared for (not to say that either of them are not as good as the other, because they certainly are, but they have their strong suits). And oh my god man yes Francis loves being taken care of by lady terror oh my god she lets him rest his head in her lap and everything.

26. Who gets jealous most often? How does their S/O deal with that? I honestly think it depends. I think Lady Terror has more potential to become jealous (even though it doesn’t happen very often honestly)  from 1) her lack of experience being committed to,  2) her own trauma from past relationships and coming out of those feeling horribly betrayed and 3) also the whole divorce scandal with her parents. Did I mention her parent’s divorce scandal? Yeah there was a whole divorce scandal. But even when she is jealous she remains relatively level-headed about it and doesn’t act out from it (usually, unless an offending party provokes her to it), and she is nothing if not articulate and aware of what she’s feeling. And credit to Francis where it’s due he’s never been dismissive of her emotions, and that I think helps them actually work through it rather than let it escalate to lashing out or acting rashly.

Francis doesn’t so much have a jealousy streak when it comes to Lady Terror (though time was he might have, and he definitely knows that), and I think it’s because she has pretty consistently made it clear that she has chosen him to share her life with, and having never been picked in such a way, has a bit more faith that she wouldn’t betray him. (also she’s always been the more sociable one. She’s definitely more of an ambivert than he is and doesn’t take personal offense in those kinds of situations. Besides, she will NOT interact with people she doesn’t want to interact with. He knows this and he loves her for it.)

36. What is something that would break their hearts? For Francis, I think it would genuinely be another romantic rejection- or more precisely to be left behind. I don’t think he could bear being rejected for a third time by anyone, let alone by Sofia but by anyone. He’s too old to have his heart broken like that again and it’s why he takes so long to even admit to himself that he has feelings for Lady Terror because he cannot fathom the kind of pain it would cause him.

Lady Terror however I think it would break her heart the most to be dismissed. To have her thoughts and feelings disregarded. Granted, she’s used to it happening with most men and some women, but to have it happen to her coming from someone she loves and respects and who she thought loves and respects her in turn would devastate her. 

46. If they were ever in a life or death situation, who risks their life?  Lmao both of them. Because they both have savior/self sacrificing complexes and they’re calculated with it but they WILL take a risk if it means saving more lives. It’s something that I think they admire about each other when hearing of their past exploits before they met.

56. Who tends to be the level-headed one? Who is feral? Oh Lady Terror is absolutely more feral. She is very very smart when she is feral but she is much more willing to act on impulse about it (for more information, ask Mr. Hickey. He knows.) Francis is definitely more level-headed but absolutely has more of a fiery temper in comparison to how cold Lady Terror’s fury is (but no less passionate, mind).

60. Are they willing to show PDA? If not, is there a reason? They ARE willing, but they are very very shy, (and also lmao you know how the victorians are about propriety if a couple isn’t married yet. Big no.) But also it’s a bit of a carry-over from their time on Terror. They did their damndest not to show that kind of affection for one another for fear of discovery (which would doubtless have caused a mutiny- if Francis’ pre-sobriety behavior hadn’t started that line of thought with some long before that). But they are not beyond the occasional hidden gesture of affection from prying eyes. Holding hands behind each others backs, brushing their fingers against one another subtly as to not give them away. They become more open about their affections eventually, but my god does it make them blush like crazy. 

61. How would they describe their S/O in one word? Francis (on Lady Terror): Good. Lady Terror (on Francis: Handsome.

62. How would outside characters describe their relationship? By-in-large I think people are a little skeptical at first about them together. Like perhaps they shouldn’t be together for some reason or another, that it’s a bit odd, a bit queer. But when people see how affectionate they are to one another, to see how much they truly care for one another? How Francis truly seems to soften and relax around her and how she brightens to talk about him… to those who know each of them best that’s the sign of true love right there.

63. How would they describe one another in bed? I think Francis would describe Lady Terror as a port in a storm. Welcoming, warm, tender in ways he never thought he’d know for himself. At the same time she rides him like the waves of the storm itself, and he can’t help but admire the sheer power she has over him and how easily he’s taken by her. Lady Terror on the other hand finds him sturdier and steadier than strong oak… and weirdly just as bendable (I mean HAVE YOU SEEN THAT MAN??? HE’S SO LIMBER FOR HIS AGE!!! It’s truly miraculous). Though his cock doesn’t quite always cooperate with this image she has of him (although it should be noted that he’s had a much easier time of it since he embraced sobriety it still happens every now and again), he’s very grounding as a lover and seems to find that her pleasures feed into his, to which she certainly has no complaints.

64. Would they ever answer the above question if it was asked to their face? How would they react? Oh Francis would be too much of a blushing mess. He was never one to kiss and tell much even with his closest friends like Blanky and Ross (even though those two definitely HAVE actually seen him in intimate positions before). But I think the lovestruck look in his eye would probably say all you’d need to know- that yes she fucks him well and yes that is probably where he’d rather be right now. Lady Terror might be a little more inclined to give a more cheeky answer in the company of a good friend, but otherwise much prefers to keep her and Francis’ doings to Francis and herself.

65. Who tends to take the lead in intimate encounters? They both can, and do. Both of those bitches are switches and they live up to it. Literally it all comes down to how either one is feeling on any given day.  

66. Have they ever been caught in the act? What would be their reaction if they were? Yes. By Blanky. Everyone else would have the care to knock first at Francis’ cabin door if it were shut but not Thomas (and understandably so). And listen. They’re all three of them good enough friends to laugh it off eventually, but that happens for some sooner more than others (aka. Thomas starts laughing about it immediately and making raunchy jokes while she and Francis scramble to make themselves relatively decent, even though it’s a bit too late for that now. It has Thomas in fucking stitches. He is genuinely happy for them but he can’t believe his luck). 

67. Have they ever done it anywhere questionable? Believe it or not, not particularly. At least not on Terror (they’re already paranoid enough about being caught behind closed doors in quiet hours, they’re not going to risk anything more). After that… well… you’ll find out.

68. Who is more vocal? Who is more experienced? I think Lady Terror is probably overall more vocal (but jesus christ when Francis moans it’d make an angel weep I swear to fucking god), and Francis is certainly more experienced overall, but there are times when she does things to him that have never been done to him before and it makes him feel like he’s a virgin all over again all the same (yes she gives him prostate orgasms. That’s what I’m implying here in case that weren’t clear). 

69. If they were to go shopping, who holds the bags? Who decides where they go? I think Francis would WANT to hold the bags but Lady Terror wouldn’t let him carry all of them. Lady Terror would probably plan where they go a little bit ahead of time but absolutely will deter said plans if Francis wants to have a look in somewhere. Whatever babygirl wants honestly.

76. Are they soulmates? Do they believe in that? I mean yeah duh what are you talking about I think they both think they have found something really rare and special with each other that I think they would qualify as being soulmates, but truthfully I think Francis might actually believe that more than Lady Terror does (and of course not to say that she doesn’t, but she’s formed many deeply meaningful connections with people and knows that Francis has as well, and she wouldn’t limit the depth of how she feels or has felt about others as lesser… but at the same time Francis is absolutely the love of her life and the only man who has ever truly treated her in a way that made her feel like an equal to him, and has wanted her romantically as such… so yeah. Soulmates without a doubt). 

86. Who gives the best gifts? Who gives the more thoughtful? Who goes for expensive?  Ok here’s the thing they both are VERY good gift-givers, both of them are VERY thoughtful and give gifts as truly heartfelt gestures. Though Lady Terror does tend to spend a little more money on her gifts sometimes (by virtue of being just a little more financially well-off) whatever she uses that money towards is no less heartfelt and will go out of her way to buy something dear to someone especially if they don’t have the means to get it themselves. 

96. Who reads the newspaper? Who wants to see the cartoons?  They have two copies of the paper delivered to the house bro BOTH these bitches READ. (but they save the cartoon page to read together. Most likely with Wee Ellie I MEAN HUH WHO SAID THAT???) 

[makeste]

I just wanna enable you to talk more about Katsuki so. top 5 (or 10, or however many you feel like) Bakugou romantic ships? not like number 1 will be a surprise but hey ;p

ah, shipping. the perfect topic with which to take a breather from leg puns and the quirkless!Bakugou debate. nothing controversial about ships lmao.

disclaimer: these are literally just my favorite Bakugou ships, as asked. I have few to no NOTPs, and I’m not anti-anything, nor do I have any opinions on whether or not any of these will or should become canon (as it really makes no difference to me, since I ship them all platonically as well). basically I have no skin in the “shipping somehow has winners and losers” game. I’m just here for the emotional energy and the lulz and the character development.

anyways this is a top six because I couldn’t bear to leave either of my two favorite rarepairs out whoops.

BakuDeku - like you said anon, not a surprise lol. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; for me, these two are the core of the series. honestly it sometimes strikes me as ironic that this ship is so often written off as abusive or unhealthy or toxic, because I often find myself thinking that roughly 90% of all of Bakugou and Deku’s problems could be sorted out just by them communicating with each other. and I don’t mean just their own specific relationship problems -- I mean all of their problems. Bakugou is having an emotional crisis about something? have him talk to Deku. Deku’s overwhelmed by a problem and way overthinking it? have him talk to Bakugou! they balance each other out, is the thing. when one of them veers off course, the other is the compass to steer them back on track. that’s the power of rivals!! and aside from that, this relationship is just so complex, and I am weak for absolutely all of it. it’s just this perfect blend of push and pull and friction and trust. it’s the type of ship where the two of them have such a strong connection that it’s like gravity; they can’t help but orbit the other, even when that orbit is sometimes unsteady. it’s just such a powerful bond and just... guh. I have way too many emotions about it so I am just going to STOP NOW and move on to the next ship.

TodoBaku - so by now we have reached a point where pretty much everyone in class 1-A is an expert on handling Bakugou, and ngl, it’s my favorite thing ever. but what makes the TodoBaku relationship so especially appealing is that Shouto is completely unafraid to just step right up and declare his friendship to the entire world. Todoroki “I’m calling it like it is” Shouto, who, after giving the matter careful consideration, correctly judged himself and Bakugou to be the closest of friends, and thus decided that they should intern together and he should introduce him to his family and get his sister to cook his favorite foods. and the entire time, Bakugou is all “please no one listen to this delusional freak, we are not friends at all,” even as he proceeds to get himself involved in all of the Todoroki family drama, and saves Shouto’s brother’s life, and learns all of his sister’s recipes, and presumably cries himself to sleep at night wondering how he could have let this happen.

Kacchako - what I like about Ochako’s relationship with Katsuki is that she’s one of the few people who’s not afraid to call him out on his shit. she’s not just warmly tolerant of him like some of the others; she has expectations of him, and will unabashedly express her sound disappointment if he fails to be the person she knows he’s capable of being. I feel like Ochako has no patience for him taking his sweet time with his character development, and is just “goddammit young man, just sort your shit out with Deku already and go back to being best friends like you both so clearly want, and while you’re at it please try to treat other people less like garbage”, and various other things that are all true but that he of course hates to hear, but TOO BAD lol. anyway so I love that, and I love that she’s just as stubborn as he is. and I also love that there’s genuine, mutual respect between the two of them as well. never forget that Katsuki is the one who first brought out Ochako’s homicidal badass side. anyway so they basically complement each other very well, and I have my fingers crossed that one of these days Horikoshi will decide to actually have them interact with each other again because damn.

KiriBaku - Kirishima, on the other hand, is warmly tolerant of Bakugou, and openly admiring of him even, but it tends to be in a way that brings out Bakugou’s best qualities. Kiri just has this way of bringing out Bakugou’s confidence in himself. like, he’s very good at saying precisely the right words to make Bakugou grin that smirky little grin of his, the one that’s all “oh yeah, that’s right, I’m a badass.” and seeing as Bakugou, for all his pride and bluster, is surprisingly prone to having mini crises of confidence, this is a valued skill that I’m very grateful to Kiri for having! and what’s nice is that Bakugou is very good at returning the favor, since Kiri is prone to crises of confidence as well. the little flashback right before Kiri unveils Unbreakable for the first time is one of my favorite moments in the series. when this ship is firing on all cylinders they really bring out the best in each other. and also they are both dumb bros which is an extremely undervalued dynamic. I love it when Bakugou is all “HEY KIRISHIMA LET ME BLOW YOU UP A BIT” and Kiri is just like “YEAHHHH!” heh.

KamiBaku - and now for the first of the two rarepairs! first of all I would just like to state that I absolutely cannot fathom why KamiBaku is a rarepair to begin with, unless it’s simply because everyone is already too obsessed with the previously mentioned ships. but at any rate it’s a damn shame, because the cuteness of this ship is off the fucking charts, and right now it’s all just going to waste. what I adore more than anything about this ship is the way Bakugou tolerates every single fucking thing Kaminari does and LETS HIM GET AWAY WITH IT. he lets him call him “Kacchan.” he lets Kaminari manhandle him into various getups (the A Band shirt; the Santa outfit) on multiple occasions while putting up absolutely no fight. he basically allows him an almost unprecedented level of closeness, which Kaminari proceeds to BLATANTLY TAKE ADVANTAGE OF at every turn seemingly unchecked! and he is the all time champ at tricking Bakugou into participating in social interactions (tying the ribbon to his foot during the Christmas gift exchange, telling him he won’t get any food at the New Year’s feast if he doesn’t help cook, etc.). he just loves him and wants him to be included. honestly this one of the most adorable relationships in the entire goddamn series and I am tired of it being slept on. the people deserve more KamiBaku dammit.

IidaBaku - last but not least, a relationship between two people who I’m pretty sure have only actually interacted with each other a handful of times, and most of those times involved them shouting at each other! ah, yes. the stick in the mud and the delinquent. god’s natural enemies. except that in this case the “delinquent” is a star student who tutors other kids and goes to bed every night at 8:30, and the stick in the mud once hatched a legitimate plot to kill a man. what I am trying to say is that these two are actually WAY more alike than they would ever care to admit, and I’m kind of obsessed with it?? this is one of those ships where all it would take is one well-applied trope and the possibilities are endless. you could literally just pick one out of a hat. fake dating, roommates, only one bed, undercover as lovers, WHATEVER. and not only does this have the potential to be the most hilarious ship in the history of time, but it also has potential to be disarmingly, shockingly sweet, I shit you not. there are a couple of little moments in the light novels that I absolutely adore, where they’re each taking care of the other with the other having absolutely no idea. Iida makes about four attempts to tuck Bakugou in during the forest training camp arc because his covers have fallen off and he doesn’t want him to catch a chill, and Bakugou unknowingly returns the favor by preventing Iida from stumbling across the preparations for his own surprise birthday party before the others are finished getting ready. by shoving Iida into an elevator and ordering him to go back to his room with absolutely no explanation given lmao. anyway, but the point is the potential is definitely there for cuteness and chemistry and mutual respect while arguing nonstop like an old married couple.

so there you go! honestly Bakugou somehow has chemistry with just about everyone in his class, which is super impressive for someone with the personality of a rabid wolf spider. god bless him.

[slimeypuppy]

heyyy I would love to see the continuation of agent au kidnapped storyline from Roman's perspective. Thank u for the awesome series and love your writing <3

Stewy called.

He told Roman not to come, not to try and come over without waiting for his say-so, not to tell anyone when the details are still uncertain, and not to worry because he’ll take good care of Kendall. It’s hard not to do all of those things no matter how much Roman understands the rationale behind each command, but he manages to resist the temptation because of the photographic evidence sent to his current cell phone.

Kendall is alive. Kendall isn’t dead. He keeps repeating these two facts to himself, over and over, because despite his insistence that there was no way Kendall was truly gone, some part of him genuinely believed that he had been murdered in cold blood by Mattson for Roman’s crimes. After that call, Roman cried for what felt like an eternity before he could pull himself together.

“Rome, did you weasel anything out of Mattson yet?” Shiv asks him over a glass of wine, hers refilled twice and his barely touched. “If he’s not going to tell us where he buried Ken, we have no reason to keep him alive.”

“First of all, it’s a fucking process, cunt. Second of all, Mattson could be a great ally. I’m getting that guy wrapped around my little finger.”

She narrows her eyes at him, and he knows exactly what she’s thinking. Shiv thinks him callous and cold and unfeeling, adjectives usually only applied to her stiff-upper-lip demeanor. Even she cannot fathom forgiveness for a man who murdered Kendall. Roman only manages to keep meeting with him sans murder attempts because he now knows Kendall is still alive. He’s safe. Stewy wouldn’t let anything else happen to him, not when they’ve just got him back.

“It’s complicated. Fuck off. I know what I’m doing, okay, and trust me when I say that it’s all going to be okay. Kendall is-” he bites his tongue to shut himself up. “I’ll be able to tell you more soon, so just try not to be such a bitch about this?”

“Fuck you. He’s my brother too, and I’m taking over for Dad eventually. You have to let me in at some point.”

There’s a million ways Roman could metaphorically cut her throat for this. He knows all her secrets because she never did learn how to hide things from family. All of her shames roll into his mouth, ready to be aired, begging for him to make sure she knows she’s not built for this in the way the rest of them are. Tom, Rava, Tabitha, Rhea, and countless others come to mind, but he forces himself to hold his tongue. He won’t push her away. He won’t lose her the way they almost lost Kendall.

“If you want to be let in, try being a fucking adult. You know anybody else would’ve murdered your husband ten times over by now, right? You’re too soft, Shiv.”

She clenches her fists but doesn’t do anything more. Instead, she remains put in her chair as she always does, As much as Roman loves her, she’s not cut out for this in the same way the sons of Logan Roy are; she’s not just emotional, but she can’t seem to get over her own inferiority complex over the misogyny hurled at her from every angle. Roman knows he’s not blameless in it, nor can he begin to imagine how difficult it must be, but he knows enough to know that she doesn’t know how to handle it with the grace this life requires.

“Listen, just fucking trust me for once? I can’t explain it to you yet, but trust me when I say it’ll all work out. When I can, I’ll explain it all, okay? Have a little faith.”

“You can’t just say that, Roman.”

He shakes his head. “This is why I can’t tell you anything. You just don’t understand.”

[thespiralgrimoire]

Would you consider posting your thoughts on the Twilight series? Because the bits and pieces I catch on your main are HILARIOUS though maybe it’s just because I find salt hysterical LOL

Oh good grief

Under a read more for my sake if not anyone else’s

The year was 2007. I was 11 year old, in 6th grade, nursing a substantial superiority complex over my classmates, and idolizing the 7th grade girls. This is where my story begins.

Now I won’t get into all the semantics as to why I was such an insufferable little garbage person in middle school, but I will tell you that I was convinced that I was not like other girls. While this proved true, my reasons as to why were completely off the mark in my tweens. Back then, I thought it was because I was smarter, wiser, and more mature than any of the other 6th grade girls in my class.

But not the 7th grade girls. The 7th grade girls were it, man. Nobody was cooler or smarter or more creative than the handful of ladies who were blessed with the patience to put up with my nonsense in middle school. So naturally, when they read Twilight, I read Twilight.

Twilight, if you have the good fortune to not be intimately aware of it by now, is about the Bella Swan, blandest girl in the entire world, moving to a small town to live with her emotionally awkward father, where she meets the Cullens, a clan of vampires who don’t drink human blood, because they’re trying to be morally upright. Her scent is irresistible to one of the vampires, (the only single one among them because the rest are dating each other) named Edward. Edward has the ability to read minds, and Bella is the only person he’s ever met who is immune to this power. I must stress again that she smells so good that he has to physically restrain himself from eating her, and murdering all witnesses. For reasons I can’t really remember now except “because that’s what the books are about”, they fall in love.

Here’s the thing about these books: Even as I was reading them, they gave me the creeps. Something in my little baby mind was vaguely aware that Edward was a messed up motherfucker, and Bella was a one-dimensional stand-in for the reader, and everything interesting in this story was happening on the fringes, facilitated by the far more interesting side characters. There were parts of these books that were uncomfortable to read. There were parts that made me seriously question why these books were so popular. There were parts that made it physically difficult to keep reading. About 3 things happen in the entirety of this series that feels good and satisfying, and none of them are things that the author, who I will derogatorily refer to as Smeyer, meant to be satisfying.

Two things kept me reading these books. The first was, obviously, the 7th grade girls, and my other friends in other grades who quickly caught the hype wave.

The second. Was the fact. That the writing style of these books, despite being the modem for a story that is absurd at best and a giant, flaming, stinking dumpster fire of bad takes, racism, and sexism at worst, is HYPNOTIC. A lot of my opinions about this series have changed drastically over the years, but this is one that I was acutely aware of even as I was reading these books. No matter how stupid or frustrating or repulsive the things that Smeyer is writing are, her writing style will not let you put the story down once you’re invested. And since I was reading these for social clout, I was invested on page 1. I want to believe that this was a trick played on my young mind, but after reading the first chapter of Midnight Sun (the newly released book that is literally just Twilight from Edward’s POV instead of Bella’s), I can confirm that this woman’s style is genuinely Like That. I enjoyed maybe 6 sentences of the 15-page chapter and I am still frothing at the mouth to read more.

So now that I’ve justified why I subjected myself to this shit in the first place, let’s get to some feelings about it.

Edward is a CREEP. He knows this. His family knows this. His love rival knows this. The only person who does not know this, rendering the fact completely inconsequential to the events of the story, is Bella. I’m not really willing to talk about how Edward is such a disgusting model for what young girls should expect out of a partner that there was discourse for MONTHS over Fifty Shades of Grey, but.... Edward is such a disgusting model for what young girls should expect out of a partner that Fifty Shades of Grey exists. It’s literally Twilight fanfiction. Fact check me. I wish I was making this up.

Bella is, as I said before, a cardboard cutout of a human being. The book is from her point of view, and includes copious amounts of her thoughts, and yet it’s still clear that she has absolutely no personality. She is supposed to be your Jane Everywoman, and yet there is not a single relatable thing about her. Her three personality traits are Brown Eyes, Clumsy (but not in a way that matters often), and Likes Edward. That’s it. This girl has nothing going on, which only draws more attenton to the fact that literally everyone else in the story has a rich and interesting backstory. But they’re side characters and this is about Stale White Bread Bella over here, so go fuck yourself if you want more information on Rosalie using her vampire abilities to get revenge on her fiance and his buddies, who assaulted her to the point of near death, or Alice, who sees the future and spent a good chunk of her life in an asylum, or Jasper, who was a Union soldier fighting the Civil War which was ALSO the vampire war???? Fuck off with that shit, this is about Bella.

But you know who the best characters are? The werewolves. But not REAL werewolves. These are Native Americans whose initial transformation is triggered by the proximity of the vampires, because vampires once terrorized their people and now this ability to turn to wolves is hereditary to protect themselves. The fact that these fellas are not REAL werewolves, and that there are real lycanthropes of lore, is mentioned in passing in the last book and never mentioned by anyone ever again.

One of these wolves is Jacob, Bella’s childhood friend and, for the first two books, an absolute sweetheart. Just a big goofball who’s a couple years younger than Bella, and all he wants is the best for her. Real wholesome shit. When Edward leaves her because he thinks that she’s too attached (SHE IS),  Jacob literally talks Bella back from the brink. The wolf pack, and the Native American tribe, welcome her as one of them. They’re adorable. I can’t stress enough that they would have also been an excellent candidate for the focal point of this shitshow.

But it doesn’t last. Edward does some real dumb shit in Italy and Bella has to go rescue him, which tips off the Vampire Illuminati that Edward was trying to get killed by (i.e. the real dumb shit). They don’t like that Bella, a human, knows about them, and demands that she be turned. Edward’s family is divided on this. Eventually they decide that they got time because the Vampire Illuminati are ancient and don’t have a good enough sense of time to hold them accountable immediately.

So Bella is fine and Edward is fine and everybody is back in the same town and they’re dating again and literally everyone in the town is like Bella what the FUCK. Nobody likes Edward because they think he’s no good for Bella. They are written like the bad buys. Jacob especially, becomes a huge asshole. Because he decides that he’s in love with Bella now. Because werewolves can imprint on people, which is just a sloppy soul mate mechanic used for absolute evil in this story. He wants to fight Edward over her. Edward is chomping at the bit to throw down, but pretends to be the bigger person even though he’s just as big an asshole about all this as Jacob is. This is as misogynist as it sounds. From this point on Jacob is now also a creep.

Oh, but it gets worse!

I gotta talk about the last book in the series now, Breaking Dawn. Because this shit was so awful that it made me regret, instantaneously, ever second I spent enjoying Twilight.

Bella and Edward get married after they graduate high school because Edward is a religious virgin and Bella is HORNY. They go on their honeymoon. Bella gets pregnant. This is Not Something That Is Supposed To Happen.

Smeyer tells us WHY this happened post-canon. Edward, the virgin, has never nutted. Because of this, he still has living sperm in his balls. So when he boffed Bella, his 80-year-old sperm made it count. I wish I was making this up, y’all. I’m tearing up thinking about it.

Bella is now pregnant with a half-vampire baby that is destroying her body from the inside out. It is growing at an exponential rate. She’s eight months along after three weeks. Edward can hear its thoughts. It loves Bella. Bella has to drink blood or die. Jacob is like What the Fuck. I am also, pretty thoroughly like What the Fuck. A couple members of the Cullen family are, very quietly, like What the Fuck.

Queue the most forced and ineffectual pro-life discourse you’ve ever read in your life.

All is well and good until it’s not. Baby suddenly wants to get out of Bella RIGHT NOW IMMEDIATELY and thrashes so violently that it shatters every bone in her body between her ribs and her femurs. Edward has to rip her uterus open with his teeth. Baby is out. It has a full mouth of teeth. It bites Bella. Edward whips out several syringes full of his own saliva and injects them into Bella all over to make her change into a vampire. This is all written in disgusting graphic detail that still makes my skin crawl to think about. I cannot fathom why Smeyer was not made to tone this scene down.

So it takes a few days for Bella to change into a vampire, during which time the Cullens (and Jacob) have to look after her hellspawn of a daughter. Jacob decides that he must kill her, because she basically killed Bella. But--- surprise! He wasn’t in love with Bella! He was in love with the eggs in her womb-- particularly this one egg that is now a baby! No more crush on Bella! No more beef with Edward! He’s just in love with a newborn infant. I am, at this point, wondering in my little 12 year old mind, how this was allowed to be published.

Bella wakes up a vampire, and in her first display of rational thought through the entire series, does not like this. Don’t worry though, that’s quickly cancelled out by her naming her baby daughter Renesmee.

Renesmee is clearly supposed to be a sweet and gifted little angel that you’re meant to love, but frankly, all I can picture is the Chucky doll but quieter. She does not talk much, because she has the ability to share thoughts by touching people’s faces. She also grows super fast. In a few days she’s toddler age. Nobody knows what the fuck is going on and nobody has time to worry about it because the vampire Illuminati found out about this (a vampire friend of the family snitched) and they’re coming to fuck up the whole family.

There is a reason why they want to do this but it’s stupid and frankly I’m not going to explain it.

So the vampires mobilize. They call all their vampire friends because their plan is just to fight the thousands-years-old vampire Illuminati over this horrible child. For some reason dozens of vampires agree to this. They’re all smitten by Resume I guess.

So the illuminati comes, the family tells them that Ramune isn’t the problem that they think she is, and they leave.

That’s it. That’s the climax.

And then everyone gets their off-putting happily ever after: Bella and Edward can now fuck as much as they want because neither of them can die. Bella abandons her human life without so much as a second glance. Resonate will physically be an adult by the time she’s 7, which means that Jacob can start fucking her then. Bella’s dad sort of knows what’s going on, but doesn’t. For some ungodly reason I don’t make a bonfire out of these books.

You may notice, if you have any knowledge of Twilight, that there are whole plots that I didn’t talk about. That’s because I’ve surely forgotten things. While I read these books with what I can only describe as a manic fervor in my youth, I could never bring myself to reread them. On God, I tried. Multiple times in the last decade I have pulled my box set, hard covered Twilight books off my shelf, and opened them up. But I never even make it through the first chapter before I am so put off that I have to put them back. The plots are flimsy. The main characters are made of sand. The secondary characters are treated like garbage. The lore is disturbing.

And yet as soon as I heard that Midnight Sun was coming out, I knew that I must read it. I’ve made it through the first chapter. I do not know when and how I will make it through the next, but I know, for little middle schooler Theo’s sake, that I must.

Twilight? Horrible. Twilight Fandom? Geniuses.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[jadekitty777]

Are you waiting to be asked about Team STRQ? I'll bite. Team STRQ for the character ask meme.

You know it! Although I’mhaving a lot of fun with all of them.

Unsurprisingly doing four of my top favorites all at oncegot long, so I’m putting it under a read more.

Taiyang Xiao Long(YEAH BABY THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!)

·        Favorite thingabout them: Everything. Alright,alright – anyone who has spent five seconds with me knows he’s my ultimatefavorite, I’ll try not to be TOO biased. I think what I like the most about Taiis that, while he has a bit of a fiery nature to him, overall, he seems like sucha gentle soul. He’s not afraid to be a little cheesy when it comes to praisinghis girls. He loves doting on them if the opportunity arrives (breakfast in bedfor Ruby, anyone?). He’s also not afraid to push them, yet still tries to be kindin his methods.

·        Least favoritething about them: To be honest, while it’s absolutely understandable and realisticto how many parents do act in these situations, I wish Tai had been moreforthcoming about Raven when it came to talking to Yang about her (granted ifhe was, it would certainly lessen the impact of Yang’s own character arc, but Idigress). Keeping her completely in the dark is part of what leads his eldestinto her obsession with knowing more.

When the conversation finallydoes happen, I do like that Tai does his best to not badmouth Raven, which willallow for Yang to make her own decisions on what she thinks of Raven as aperson when she ultimately finds her – as he knows she will.

·        Favorite line: Oooh Taiyang’skind of a walking Chinese proverb, so it’s a little hard to pick. I’m going togo with: “You’re right, it’s not coming back… but that doesn’t have to stop youfrom becoming who you want to be.” The message basically comes down to ‘don’tlet it be you who holds yourself back’. I’m sure all of us have faced being ourown worst enemies at times, wherein we never even try because we’re too focusedon saying “I can’t”.

Honorable shout-out to RWBY chibiand “I make a home for this family, that’s what I do all day! And it wouldn’tkill you to show a little APPRECIATION”.

·        brOTP: No one gasps insurprise when I tell you it is Qrow. When it comes to actual canon, I like tothink these two are best friends that are as close as brothers in everythingexcept blood. They’ll always be there for each other when the worst of timeshits (Emotion-numbing depression vs. Blackout Binge Drinking).

…They’ll also pants one anotherin the middle of broad daylight for a cheap laugh (Cargo shorts really are easyto get down. One of these days, Tai might just go commando just so he cantraumatize Qrow once and for all).

…And argue over stupid shit likewhose turn it was to do the dishes (Hint: It’s always Qrow’s turn).

…And do irritating shit justbecause they know it annoys the other (Qrow has a really obnoxious singingvoice, so he makes sure to sing EXTRA loud when he knows Tai’s trying to gradepapers).

And yes, Qrow is absolutely theyounger brother.

-On a smaller, but no lessimportant note, I absolutely believe Taiyang had close friendships with Summerand Raven as well.

·        OTP: As with all myfavorites, I will multi-ship the hell out of Tai, especially any that can fallunder the friends-to-lovers requirement.

Absolute top OTP will always beTaiqrow (A true shocker, I’m sure). The biggest drive I have for these two hasalways been the amount of emotional support available between them. There’s somuch potential simply on the lengths Qrow may have had to go through helpingout at the house after Summer’s passing or Tai’s rigorous efforts to try andpull Qrow away from his drinking habits. They’re also just… really sexytogether. Like hot damn.

I do remain rather fond of bothof Tai’s canon ships too though. Oh yeah and I will also polyship the hell outof Tai and you will have to tear STR-Crossed out of my cold, dead hands.

I’m also happy to throw him inthe ring with James and really enjoyed my little writing session withJames/Qrow/Tai.

·        nOTP: Other thananything that puts him with one of his children, nothing that tends to botherme too much? Even Ozpin/Taiyang, while a little out of nowhere, is still prettysexy to read.

·        Randomheadcanon: *Holds up 20* Which one do you want?

-Contrary topopular belief, it’s actually Tai thatRuby and Yang get their daredevil behavior from. Though he’s mellowed out overthe years and as he’s gained wisdom, when he was the girls’ age he could bejust as reckless. Many times, that had gotten him into trouble and, not wantingthe girls to make the same mistakes, tries to ward them from the same flaw hehimself had. (He’s secretly a little proud about it too).

-The sunflowers are either torepresent Summer Rose or they were originally tended to by her and Taicontinues caring for them to keep the memory of her alive. He always cuts freshflowers for the girls whenever they’re sick or hurt, so that their mother canwatch over them.

-Taiyang is either estranged fromhis family or lost it at a young age. He spent most of his childhood inisolation or feeling like he didn’t belong anywhere. When he became apart ofteam STRQ, he finally felt like he’d found a new family and it was one he neverwanted to give up – that was why losing Raven and Summer eventually crushed himand led to his mental breakdown.

-True to his name, Tai fucking loves dragons and if he ever gets luckyenough to see the Gods’ true forms, he’s going to flip out.

·        Unpopularopinion: So maybe it’s just the generation I grew up in, but the ‘joke’Tai gives Yang about her arm? Yeahthat one didn’t even hit on my Richter scale as bad. These kinds of ‘off-color’jokes were pretty common place when I was a kid. I think it goes back to what Isaid about the Sun and ‘stalking’ thing. Intent is extremely important, and Taimeant nothing by it… except to make his daughter laugh.

Could it have backfired? Oh yeah,and he would have probably tripped over himself to apologize. But that wasn’twhat happened – nor was it what the writers’ intended to make that happen.  Otherwise, they would have led Yang’sresponse in another direction or gave the animation team a specific expressioncue to work in.

·        Song Iassociate with them: Going to continue picking random songs, because this isdefinitely not my strong suit. I probably went through all my playlists, but I’mgoing with Chris Daughtry’s “It’s Not Over”. If you read the verses as stages ofTai’s life with those important in it, it lines up fairly perfectly.

-The first twoversus are for Raven and their failed love (“You’ve taken away everything/And Ican’t do without, I try to see the good in life… This love is killing me”)

-Then the next two verses are forSummer and the loss of her (“I cannot wait/We’re wasting too much time… My lifewith you means everything/So I won’t give up that easily”)

-Finally the last verses are forQrow’s losing battle against his alcoholism and depression (“We can’t let thisget away/Let it out/Don’t get caught up in yourself”) and Tai’s own resolve to getback up and start again for his girls (“It’s not over, let’s start over!”)

·        Favoritepicture of them:

Never been so attracted to a picturebefore.

Summer Rose

(Our dearestflower, born white and bled red in her final hour)

·        Favorite thingabout them: For now, simply that it’s implied she was both a kickasshuntress and an incredible mom. Now, if only we could SEE that in action.

·        Least favoritething about them: Well. Being dead’s kind of a drag,ain’t it? I feel my least favorite thing about her is the same thing we’re allkind of feeling at this point – that we know virtually nothing about her.  I washoping she’d be brought up when the whole ‘Silver-eyed’ thing got addressed –BUT NO. I’M STILL STARVING RT, GIVE ME SOME CONTENT PLEASE.

·        Favorite line: *Saves thisspace for when we get any*

·        brOTP: I particularlyenjoy the dynamic Summer and Raven may have had. Like Qrow and Tai, I often seethe girls growing close during their years at Beacon, the two eventuallydeveloping a mutual respect for one another that turns into friendship. Theyboth start to realize just how much they care about each other when Raveninadvertently makes a portal to Summer to save her life. Summer is secretlyhappy whenever she manages to get Raven to confide secrets to her – one ofwhich was her growing feelings for Taiyang.

·        OTP: Speaking of Tai,of course I rather enjoy that Summer and he had fallen in love. Just like with Taiqrow,the emotional support factor really drives this one in deep for me. I know thisone gets a lot of flack as a ‘rebound’ on Tai’s part (And equally should getflack on Summer for being a ‘Hero’s complex’, since she’s literally swooping into ‘fix’ what Raven broke), but I personally feel like their love was genuine, simplybecause of how significant an impact losing her had on Taiyang. Just because ithappened quickly after one loss does not immediately discredit it from beingtrue and powerful.

·        nOTP: Absolutely herand Qrow. And yes, I know someone is going to call me out for this one because ‘I’vewritten it before’ – AND YES, I KNOW. It’s not that I don’t see the potential inthe ship because I absolutely do. It’s that I’ve come across it just one timetoo many that to put them together, it’s often done at the expense of villainizingTai, Raven, or both, which has soured my ability to enjoy it – one person inparticular does this so well that seeing her work actually turns my stomach. Ialso really think it weakens in-canon Qrow as a character, since I can’t fathomhim lying about being Ruby’s dad and most arguments that try to explain why hewould feel flimsy at best. Also, just, this: “Don’t lie to him Ruby, we’rebetter than that.”

(I will however accept PolyQrow/Summer/Tai in which neither of them know who impregnated Summer and Qrowjust goes by uncle because it was easier for the kids to understand).

·        Randomheadcanon: -Summer Rose was first attempted to be killed by then lateractually killed by Marcus Black. The first encounter I see happening sometimein her school years, in which on a mission he comes after her. Taiyang has tointervene, maybe at the cost of his own semblance, and eventually they’re both savedby Raven and Qrow who portal to them just before either are killed. In thesecond, Summer is alone and is being hunted down both by Marcus and his wife.Though she calls Qrow for back-up, he never gets there in time. In the last fewminutes, she manages to kill Marcus’ wife, but is in turn killed by him. I particularlylike this because this would make Qrow and Marcus foils, both who startdrinking heavily from loss but have different responses to those around them.

-HAVE I EVERTOLD Y’ALL ABOUT MY EVIL SUMMER IDEA? I have said it once and I will say it again:black magic and curses are criminally unused in this fairytale inspired show.The idea that Summer was ‘brought back to life’ by Salem to use for her ownpurposes is deliciously fun – or, seeing as we don’t know what it can do yet,being brought back by the relic of creation. In ether scenario, it brings backthe body but not the heart. Her reveal would be devastating to _TRQ, especiallyif they are forced to fight her. If they did I see the scenario going inmultiple directions –

A. In a team fight: Either theyare all killed by her or they kill her

B. In single fights:

+Raven is killed by Summer or theykill each other. I see Summer giving out a lot of passive-aggressive quips overRaven running off and maybe even goads her about her powers and her fears.

+For Qrow, I never see him dyingto her in a one-on-one fight. Getting heavily injured, yes, but never dying. Ido see them being fairly evenly matched, actually. And maybe even Summergetting super offended if he uses his scythe on her.

+Tai fights her, but spends themajority of the battle on the defensive, trying to remind her of who she reallyis. Just as he’s got her hesitating, another villain either injures him orstrikes him down.

That’s not even touching on whatit would mean for Ruby and Yang to encounter her.

·        Unpopularopinion: While I do think she probablyhad a habit of being socially withdrawn, I really don’t see Summer as painfullyshy-mannered as some of the fandom portray her as – at least not to a debilitatingextent. I don’t think it’s a bad character trait for her, per say, and it worksin some contexts especially when it’s balanced well. It’s just hard to see hermanaging to survive as team leader with such a submissive personality traitwithout the twins or Tai completely eclipsing her.

·        Song Iassociate with them: Mostly because I once envisioned an entire fight scene leadingto her death to this song, I’m going to go with “Heroes” by Zayde Wolf.Surprisingly though, it fits fairly well. Being a ‘hero in the darkest of times’really does exemplify what a huntress is and what Summer herself is meant torepresent.

·        Favoritepicture of them: *Saves this space because she stubbornly refuses to put up theteam STRQ photo we’ve all seen ten thousand times*

Raven Branwen

(The sexiestpsychobitch you ever will meet)

·        Favorite thingabout them: Her character potential. With the end of volume 5, it feels likeshe’s been left at a crossroads, in which she can choose to continue to lookout for herself like the coward she’s been, or choose to attempt to redeemherself when her daughter gets into trouble again. The fact that we haven’t quiteseen the result of her visit to Tai (or if it ended up being a visit at all)tells me the team is holding back on that decision for now; but, I have absolutelyno doubts that we will be seeing her again.

·        Least favoritething about them: Can anyone say manipulative bitch bordering on total sociopath? Thatfirst conversation Raven has with Yang made me jerk back a bit and go ‘Whoa,crazy alert’. It’s definitely a trait that is um… a little hard to like. It hasmassive amounts of writing potential though.

·        Favorite line: “Two childrenyou’ve tricked into following you, a disgraced Atleasian scientist, and a FallMaiden with a surname so appropriate, she probably picked it herself. Thatabout right?” Vol 5. Chapter 9 gets a lot of flack for not being veryinteresting, but I could not get enough of Raven’s snark throughout theconversation.

·        brOTP: How about withher literal brother? I’m a total sucker for inseparable twins and I’ve alwaysliked the idea that, growing up, the two of them were extremely close. Raven’sa teeter-totter of opposites for me, so I can also see that relationship goingin the exact other direction – BUT FOR NOW…

·        OTP: Speaking of teeter-totters,how about that relationship with Tai, huh? Was it toxic as hell or did they trulylove each other and just had an awful falling out, wherein the bitterness wouldsettle in much later on? Who knows! I don’t! But I love exploring both anglesto their fullest extent. I’ll also drive the pain all the way in: If Taiyangends up dying in canon, the break of their bond is powerful enough it causesRaven to cry.

In AUs, I ship the hell out ofSummer and Raven. In-canon, I’ll always go the STR-Crossed route in which allthree of them are just hopelessly in love with one another and in which Ravenpretends she doesn’t regret leaving them behind.

·        nOTP: Honestly, beyondthe obvious incest ships (like with her daughter, wtf?), there’s not really anyships with Raven that make me squelch. Even a crackship like Cinder/Raven hasthis weird, sexy angle to it.

·        Randomheadcanon: -Like everyone else, Raven used to have a copy of the team STRQphoto. Much like her brother, she kept it on her, even after she left. But shortlyafter Summer died, she burned the photo in the camp’s firepit, cutting off herfinal ties to them.

-Qrow and Ravenwere never sent to Beacon to ‘become huntsman and return with their skills’. Itwas what they were told but they were sent there because the leader at the timehoped they’d die in the process – in Raven’s case, to eliminate her dangerouslyambitious nature. Qrow always knew this was the real reason, but Raven didn’t acceptthis until much later. Upon her return to the tribe, she eventually confrontedand ultimately killed the former leader for that act.

-Though it relies on help fromone of her teammates, Raven can cut things in half with her portals if shecloses it when it’s only halfway through, and has done so on multiple occasionsto cut right through Grimm.

-Raven is either going to die acoward… or a hero.

·        Unpopularopinion: I don’t really think Raven left because she got pregnant; ifRaven was so intent on abandoning her, I don’t feel like the show would tell usthat she visits her daughter enough that Yang is able to recognize her birdform. I think it’s an interesting angle, but I think her fear of Salem is thegenuine reason she left but she only really knew one other home: The Tribe. Herdecision to leave Yang behind either was forced from her by the rest of her teamor was her own choice at the time, knowing her daughter would be more at risk ifshe came along.

·        Song Iassociate with them: Alright, I scoured around for a bit for this one. I’m going tosettle on “Heaven’s a Lie” by Lacuna Coil. Though there’s not much to actually workwith, it rather matches well with how she feels she was given false promises byOzpin (“Destiny of a lie/Set me free, your heaven’s a lie”) and how sheultimately left her team behind and returned a life of corruption (“I need toknow when I’ll fall into decay… I need to know why did I choose to betray you?Something wrong with all the plans of my life”)  

·        Favoritepicture of them:

God damn she’s hot when she’sabout to wreck people’s shit.

Qrow Branwen

(The man whowas Emo before it was cool)

·        Favorite thingabout them: There’s a lot to love, from his dashing good looks to hisendless sass, but I especially like his emotional vulnerability. I think it’s thesadist in me, but I get endless amounts of joy from him letting down his wallsand being more open: talking about his semblance, panicking whenever Ruby is indanger, his fury and sorrow over Ozpin’s half-truths – yeah, I live for thisshit. If he cries in the show, it will almost definitely become my new favoritemoment.

·        Least favoritething about them: So, fun fact: I hatedQrow at first and simply because of this fact -he’s a drunk. Now, this is superpersonal, but I grew up with addiction in my family, so characters like Qrowalmost never make it high up on my list, if they make it on at all. It’ll alwaysremain my least favorite thing about him, but I do like how the show isexploring the issue and, in fact, have enjoyed exploring it myself in mywriting. It’s therapeutic.

·        Favorite line: As far as linedelivery goes, got to give it to “Look, this has nothing to do with trust. I- …It’s a long story, okay?” The amount of emotion put into those simple words is frankly,just beautiful. Got to also give proper appreciation to “I DID IT!” and “Well…that’s unfortunate.”

I’ll always be most fond of “Youtwo? You’re gonna go far. But only if you keep learning. If you never stopmoving forward.” Not only as it’s a homage to Monty, but it really shows Qrow’skinder, more loving side when it comes to his nieces.

·        brOTP: So whileshipping them is generally off the table, Summer and Qrow being best friends isalways my jam. I can see these two having little drinking sessions together or gettingcompetitive over two-player video games. Perhaps they even geeked out togetherwhen they both realized they loved the tale of the Grimm Reaper. I also stronglybelieve that it was Qrow who encouraged Summer to admit her feelings to Tai, advisingher that to wait could mean to lose her chance entirely. And then, when sheactually did, teased her endlesslyabout it.

·        OTP: Can I just fillout a second paragraph about how much I love Taiqrow? Because, I really love Taiqrow.I can see it happening entirely on accident. One night, Taiyang and Qrow aresaying good night and, without thinking, Taiyang just dips down and gives him akiss. He freaks out, not because of the action insomuch that he was afraid hejust ruined their friendship until Qrow just rolls his eyes and drags him infor another one.

On a side note, I’m really startingto get a soft spot for OzQrow and I blame the rest of the fandom for this. Ironic,that I ship them now that Ozpin has technically died and it’s TOO LATE.

As for James/Qrow, I see thehighlights of it, and in small measures like it myself, but it’s not very highup on my list.

Winter and Qrow is a total guiltypleasure ship and I’m not sorry.

·        nOTP: Again, beyondthe obvious choices? Eh, I’ve noticed Tyrian/Qrow is gaining some traction and,while it definitely doesn’t give me the heebie-jeebies some ships do, that oneis definitely not my cup of tea.

·        Randomheadcanon: -Qrow likes to bestow nicknames to people he likes, as nicknamesare terms of endearment to him. For people like James or Oz, who are Jimmy andWizard respectively, he uses them sparingly; whereas, for family, he tends touse them much more frequently. Especially with his nieces. They often can tell whenhe’s being serious or when they are in trouble if he starts using their actual names.When he was a teacher, almost all of his students got nicknames, since he wasterrible at remembering them by their actual names.

-Qrow’ssemblance caused him to be sent to Ozpin’s office. A lot. It gave everyone,except for the very few who actually knew what his semblance was, theimpression that he was nothing but a troublemaker.  Eventually, Qrow started paying Glynda on theside to use her own semblance to fix whatever his would break.

-Qrow’s drinking actually startedin school. He’s generally a happy, reckless drunk, and people tended to likehis company more and, craving both that feeling and the attention, he continuedto seek out social events for an excuse to drink. When he was young, he wasalso extremely choosey on the brew he would have, as a bad mixture often hadthe effect of making his mood plummet instead. As he grew more dependent on thealcohol, he stopped caring as much.

-Qrow isabsolutely bisexual and no one can convince me otherwise.

·        Unpopularopinion: I really don’t think Qrow sleeps around as much as the generalfandom believes he does. I get why the archetype is there, especially with how flirtatioushe can be, but with how insecure Qrow actually is, I feel like he’d actually bepretty hesitant when it comes to getting intimate, especially with strangers. Accidentalpregnancies, anyone?

·        Song Iassociate with them: Okay this one was actually an easy choice: “Breaking the Habit”by Linkin Park. It really highlights the current struggle Qrow’s going throughin this volume (not knowing what is worth fighting for) while it also can relateback to his addiction and self-worth/depression issues (Not feeling all rightand hurting a lot more than ever before).

·        Favoritepicture of them:

Just your resident bird man, looking badass as shit.

[motherboxing]

I was in gifted classes as a kid and like... I did have some problems due to being considered Smart (e.g. my mother, a special education teacher, dismissing my extremely blatant attentional and behavioral issues as... being bored because I was smart, and thus never really getting help for them) but I genuinely cannot fathom what experience those posts about the rainbow fish are referencing. like... does OP know that non-TAG kids are also expected to do schoolwork

like. I feel like those posts rest on the premise that Gifted-with-a-capital-G kids really DO have this incredible unique glow around them and can basically levitate and heal through the laying on of hands, and kids who aren’t identified as Gifted are just… sort of dull and lifeless, and that Gifted kids are universally burdened with the expectation to practice flute solos and differential equations instead of getting hugs, while other kids just grow wild and free on the playground.

I mean, you said it! I’ve talked before about my problems with “gifted” (or worse, “gifted and talented”) as a designation given to Certain Children and not others - different people learn in different ways, have different aptitudes in different things, etc, so frankly the idea of splitting children up into “gifted” and “non-gifted” populations has always kind of rubbed me the wrong way, particularly in light of economic and racialized disparities in childhood education. 

I am also a recovering child prodigy, I Understand the complexities of like, pressure to excel at certain things from a very young age (why do you think I relate so much to Brainiac-5 lol) but I really think the “gifted class” thing is representative of a number of fundamental dysfunctions within public education in North America (idk what it’s like elsewhere in the world, so, y’know, ymmv) and while I understand that it feels significant when you’re, like, a child, I do NOT understand adults who grow up and cling to that as though Being Gifted is a fundamental aspect of their personality. 

It’s this… truly obnoxious kind of persecution complex that sounds a lot to me like “oh, other girls just didn’t like me because I was too much prettier than them.” because outside of elementary and high school (and MAYBE cegep/college) it doesn’t actually matter in terms of most peoples’ expectations of you. I really do think you hit the nail on the head - it’s like they think “””non-gifted””” kids aren’t Special, or creative, or smart, or talented, and FURTHERMORE, as revealed through the neurosis about stories like The Rainbow Fish, they are TERRIFIED that the dull, lifeless, zombie-like masses are going to steal their Special Person Sparklies. The criticism I keep seeing of the Rainbow Fish is that it’s a book that teaches children that generosity and kindness are mandatory even at the expense of oneself - that the Rainbow Fish in the book is somehow harmed by giving away his sparkly scales so that everyone has one. 

But in the actual story, giving away the scales doesn’t hurt the Rainbow Fish at all. He doesn’t need them; in fact, he believes in the beginning that they make him inherently better than all the other fish, and he acts like he’s too good to hang out with them because they don’t sparkle! It’s only when he realizes that his behavior has alienated all of the non-sparkly fish that he feels bad and starts to ask himself how much being sparkly really means. He’s advised to be more giving of himself, and in doing so, he realizes that he has more in common with the other fish than he thought he did. He makes friends and finds community, and is valued not just because he’s sparkly, but because his actions make him and the people around him happy. 

This is not at ALL the same thing as telling kids to sacrifice themselves for others’ feelings all the time, and the hand-wringing about it comes off like these people think it’s emotional abuse to expect smart kids to share. It makes me think that perhaps they all just work for the Ayn Rand School For Tots. 

I mean, the idea that Smart People are DEFINITELY expected to constantly be stupid and hold themselves back and NOT achieve great things because if they’re too good at shit it’ll make the dull rabble jealous and angry* is RIGHT out of Ayn Rand, and speaking as someone who has pretty much washed her hands of the whole “gifted” mess, if the only thing keeping some genius capitalist from inventing the cure for cancer or whatever is that they don’t want to hurt the feelings of the dumbasses of the world by drawing attention to how we COULDN’T cure cancer, then speaking as a current fucking dumbass, I have no idea why they’re refraining on my account!

*this is the flip side to “everyone expects me to be amazing and perfect and the best all the time and it’s the WORST, no one who ISN’T a genius could ever understand”, naturally

[v-le]

Kdrama: 그냥 사랑하는 사이 Review

Foreword: The entire composition of this “rant” took me about 5 months to complete. This drama changed a part of me. That is all I have to say.

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It hasn’t been a full 24 hours since I finished the last episode of this drama, and I may have not completely collected my thoughts yet, but I just want to make one point clear: it was a beautiful masterpiece that was simply too poignant, real, haunting, and raw for the world of kdramas.

This probably sounds like a terrible diss at the rest of the kdrama world, but to call this drama a kdrama, in my opinion, undermines its value. This show went beyond the boundaries of “normal kdramas” and brought us stories that are unpopular or just rarely addressed in the realm of kdramas in general.

To start off, I have a simple disclaimer, and it is that this drama is not for everyone. For some, it is too heavy, for others it is too slow. 그 사이 requires an open mind that is willing to absorb not only all the light, but all the dark, too. Because the brightest things tend to come out of the darkness.

Especially, towards the latter half of 그 사이, I began to cry really easily for every interaction that Kang-doo and Moon-soo had, for every event that made them a little more miserable or a little happier, for anything small or big in their lives. For the first time ever while watching something, I genuinely felt the pain of their worlds reflect onto mine, not because I necessarily related with them, but because their stories felt so real and tangible, that they were beginning to coincide with the stories of my own. Even up until the very end, although I thought it would be excruciatingly difficult for me to bid farewell to these characters and everything else they came with, I ended up feeling genuinely satisfied. Because, something about it, I didn’t feel like their stories actually ended there. It really does feel like Kang-doo and Moon-soo, and everyone else including Seo Joo-won, Jung Yoo-jin, Jung Yoo-taek, Ma-ri, Moon-soo’s mother, and Sang-man, too, are still living their lives somewhere far away from me right now in this moment. And to me, that was magical. Because whenever I finish a drama, especially a good one, I always felt extremely empty after its end. The withdrawal symptoms from amazing dramas are one of the hardest withdrawals to cope with. But after 그 사이, I of course felt regretful that it was over so fast, but I didn’t necessarily long to keep watching more and more, which probably sounds very odd, and maybe even bad.

But, no. Simply put, the way 그 사이 chose to wrap up these intricate storylines made everything feel overwhelmingly realistic. It wasn’t the ending of a story, but more like the closing of the curtains, the turning off of the cameras, and the end of the audience’s privileged priviness to their lives thus far. But the characters themselves, it didn’t feel like their stories ended anywhere close to there. I firmly feel like they are continuing. Just continuing.

How this drama managed to pull off such a clean finale, is something I will save to think about later. I know I am hopping around all over the place right now, but I felt that my post-finale thoughts had to be recorded promptly, before they drifted from me. Now, I want to back it up all the way to the end, to even before 그 사이 began to air. Oh, how grateful and glad I am to have noticed its uniqueness even prior to its actual premier. Of course, I didn’t exactly expect it to nearly change a part of me, but I had the slightest, really, just oh-so slightest inclination that this drama might contain all the elements that my heart has been searching for for so long.

After years of watching kdramas, one’s standards begin to naturally rise, and by today, I am definitely very picky with what I consider a “good” drama. Granted, everyone’s preferences are subjective, and my very own may be more specific than others’, but if anything, that probably enabled 그 사이 to rise in ranks faster than I ever expected.

Just from its posters, 그 사이 exuded a sort of ethereal calamity that most dramas don’t really go for these days. Everyone associated 그 사이 with the word “melo”. I am not sure if I completely agree with that description, because like the word “kdrama”, labeling 그 사이 as “melo” seems to undermine its value in a negative way. Melos have a stigma for being slow paced, dragged out, over-dramatic, and tear-filled for more than half the series. The most “melo” part of 그 사이 is the fact that its pace is definitely calmer; it didn’t rush into events and plot twists. But that is, in no way, a bad part of it. I will get back to its elements later. But trust me, slow added a gorgeous feat to 그 사이.

Going back to what I mentioned about the posters, specifically the one above, it felt like a movie. I had mentioned this to my friend, but upon watching the teasers and scrolling through a few images, the biggest thing that piqued my interest was that “it seriously looks like a movie!!!!”. Now, what I mean by “a movie” might sound pretty lame. However, personally, I am not a frequent moviegoer. In fact, I am barely a moviegoer at all. This is because I always felt overwhelmed by the end of movies, regardless of the genre. Movies were always so concise, impactful, and had the ability to leave a really strong, lasting impression within a really short amount of time. That sort of stuff always threw me off; it was just always too much for my brain to handle. Dramas and shows on the other hand, are way more subtle. I get to wean myself into the emotions and storylines, and there is an added level of depth simply due to the fact that they are longer than just an hour and a half or so.

And so, with 그 사이 giving me movie vibes, meant that I felt like it had plenty of room to hit me like a truck and leave me with a few scars, while at the same time, playing itself out as a 16-episode series. The prominent usage of cool colors, mellowed-down instrumental tones, wistful voiceovers, and a cityscape that wasn’t your classic, bright uptown Seoul, but instead a somber yet colorful Busan, all left a very strong, but refreshing first impression on me. It really looked like a movie. Its feats and details looked grand from the get go. It meant that I had a gut feeling that this show was really, seriously, going to move me. And it truly did. 

initialization & continuation--

The very first episode, like most first episodes, introduced us to the one thing that this entire series basically revolves around: the mall collapse accident. I don’t want to exactly recap what the first few episodes were about, but more of what stood out to me that made 그 사이 feel much more special than anything else out there so far.

Moon-soo is a hard worker, balancing a lowkey, blue-collared “job” for her family, as well as working as a designer. Aside from the maybe flawed balance of “work” she has going on, 그 사이 decides to show us the mundane parts, too. Clips of her scrubbing the walls, sweeping the floors, building paper models, simply going about the daily rounds in her life. The initial portrayal of Moon-soo accomplished something that many dramas cannot really pull off, and that is that Moon-soo is just like you and me. Maybe not in the same exact occupational way, but she wakes up in the morning, maybe restlessly, maybe a little bit miserably, she does the things she needs to do, she tends to her responsibilities, and she simply carries on her with life. Of course, not everyone can relate to her on an emotional level, but in a way, we can relate to carrying on with our days no matter how hard it gets. We can see that Moon-soo isn’t that happiest soul in the world, but she isn’t oversensitive and extra mopey, either. She reflects a part of us that we can empathize with, to varying degrees.

The most prominent thing that I initially noticed about Kang-doo was his sharp tongue and the fact that he was always getting beat up and walking around with scars and blood stains. At first glance, many would probably assume that he was your classic, reckless bad boy that doesn’t give two shits about the world. And to an extent, that is true. However, we are also fully aware of the kind of ordeals he has gone through, and we could, or at least I could, sort of feel this underlying pain that he carries around within himself. The eternal scars that Kang-doo carries within himself still haunt me to this day. I can’t even begin to fathom, how hard it must be, to carry so much trauma within one’s own mind. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be to have your father die in an accident, to have been buried beneath rubble for 7 days, to have been stuck with a dead body, to have watched him die, to have your mother die promptly afterwards, to legitimately have schizophrenia due to the all these ordeals combined. In short, Kang-doo is fucked up in ways unimaginable to a normal person, but he hides it all away behind his cold eyes in a heavy layer of bruteness and disregard. From the very beginning, I could feel that Kang-doo’s character has so much complexity, to a point where I couldn’t even comprehend how deep the series would choose to dig out from him. I was excited, but at the same time, apprehensive to watch his story unfold. I knew I had to prepare myself for some massive waterworks. This, in itself, was something a drama had never presented to me with before. 그 사이, I could tell, would not be your cliche kind of romance story.

Even the opening, since the very first episode when I saw it, it pulled at something deeper than anything else. It is comprised of still frames of tragic accidents or sites of rubble and such. It is haunting for an opening and it definitely left a huge impression on me. It established a heavy aura that rarely any dramas dare to take on. 

Another random but poignant point that stuck with me was the scene in which Halmoni was smoking, and she passes the cigarette to Kang-doo, who also takes a puff. We only see the back of their figures as they sit on swings, but when they turn their faces to the side, we can clearly see that it is the actors themselves smoking, and not some sort of lookalikes. This left a lasting impression because it almost felt shocking, to watch Jun-ho of 2PM smoke so blatantly like that. Korean media always heavily censors these kinds of things, even if it’s ingrained into their culture like smoking sort of is. Watching him smoke felt kind of scary, in a good way. It felt real, that yes, even someone who is a top idol that sings and dances and has to maintain some sort of pretty image 24/7, can and will smoke. So fun fact: kpop idols are humans, too!

The other characters as well, Wan-jin and Sang-man and Moon-soo’s mom, and Seo Joo-won, Jung Yoo-jin, Ma-ri and Jung Yoo-taek, and Halmeoni played their own special, but very symbolic role as 그 사이 progressed.

Since our introduction to Sang-man, we can get the gist that he is “not normal”. Once again, at first glance, Sang-man looks like a guy who is mentally slower than everyone else. But with time, we get to learn how much more mature he actually is than the rest of our crew, in his own special kind of way. Some of his simplest lines hit the deepest, and although he wasn't exactly my all-time favorite character, I can safely say that he was a hidden gem amongst this web of characters. He is extremely precious, and he shows the audience a beautiful side to being mentally “different”. 

Then, we have Wan-jin who contributes to 그 사이 as a figure of immense support for Moon-soo. They share a friendship through their hardships and that in itself resonated really well with me. Throughout this series, we get to see small snippets of how the disabled are disadvantaged and disrespected, too. There is one scene that stands out to me, which is when Wan-jin tells her assistant (idr his name) that she doesn’t want his pity, but she simply wants to be treated like human, like everyone else. Because she is no less a person than anyone else is.

Even Ma-ri, head of the karaoke place that essentially “sells” girls for their presence: at first glance, she is your classic, rich, and manipulative female figure. But underneath that layer of presumable impurity, she is actually the victim of sexual abuse who has worked her way to her place and owes her life to the bravery of Kang-doo himself.

Furthermore, Moon-soo’s mother is more than a lamenting mother who has lost a child, but she is in particular, an alcoholic. Her relationship with her husband has gone sour and she barely manages to hang onto her sanity with the help of soju and Moon-soo by her side. Her mother portrays the agony of a child’s death in such a surreal way, that it only felt right for her to not be okay, in every way possible. She was a complete mess, but rightfully so. Her battle with alcohol didn’t end as just an unsolved addiction, but we were even able to see her enter rehab and conquer herself from within at the end of the drama.

Halmeoni played such an immensely pivotal role in this story. Her words of wisdom sat with viewers even weeks after she said them on screen. One of my personal favorites is “Just because someone is yelling louder doesn’t mean that they are hurting more”. Halmeoni played a sort of role that was like a guardian angel, who was present to give all that she could, until her own time was up. Her sharp tongue and snarky attitude made her likable in the most unique of ways. Because in the end, she was always sort of right. One of the hardest hitting things that Halmeoni talked about was when she was scolding Kang-doo’s sister, saying that it isn’t cigarettes nor cancer nor car accidents nor drugs that kill people. It is poverty. Because a lot of the times, poverty pushes people into these situations. And especially so, it is those in poverty that don’t have the resources to help themselves, in which they are left helpless to die. Halmeoni preached to viewers that poverty is the number one killer of humans. Her departure from the lives of our characters, and particularly Kang-doo’s, left a void that was meant for filling. I will never get over this, but I absolutely love how the show decided to handle her death. We didn’t see any funeral procession or all-black attire or wreaths or a nicely framed portrait. We just saw the aftermath, the broken pieces of Kang-doo and others, and we get to see how they pick themselves back up from all of it. It was a work of art, and it hit much, much, much more deeper than showing us the explicit parts.

All these supporting characters surrounding Moon-soo and Kang-doo indirectly dealt with things like mental health, people with disabilities, sexual assault, poverty, and even alcohol abuse. Aside from the obvious central theme of post-traumatic stress and remembering the forgotten, 그 사이 decided to touch upon these seemingly subtle, but very sensitive topics as well. All these characters were messed up or struggling in some sort of very real way. And it was so, so well done.

The next thing that I absolutely loved about 그 사이 was the progression of Kang-doo and Moon-soo’s relationship. It was simply drawn out so gorgeously. Of course, their fate began in a cliche sort of way, through the accident in which they both lost a loved one. However, this fact was only apparent to Kang-doo for a significant part of their progression. Moon-soo’s inability to remember the bits and pieces of the accident are compensated for through Kang-doo’s haunting ability to recall every miniscule detail, to an extent where he is mentally unstable. Time and time again, Kang-doo asks Moon-soo, what is the point of both of them suffering when only one needs to? This question was raised more than once during 그 사이 and I came to appreciate a sort of two-sided beauty to it. The fact is that, Kang-doo didn’t want another loved one to suffer, but Moon-soo didn’t want Kang-doo to suffer alone. Is it better to suffer alone and hold all the pain in? Or should you share the burden because it may be too much for one to handle alone? This is a dilemma that I resonate with in terms of my very own friends and loved ones. It is a question that we have all asked ourselves at one point. And it is a question that was at the forefront of Kang-doo and Moon-soo’s relationship.

Another thing with these two is that they came to love each other flawlessly. Although this came up before during Joo-won and Kang-doo’s conversation, when Moon-soo asks why Kang-doo loves her, he says “그냥” (just because). And that my friend, was the end of me. The End.

Of course, this definitely was not the only scene in which I cried, but it sure did release a flood of some sort. When posed with this question, the leads of many dramas don’t always list out amazing features of their significant other or anything, and they even say the similar things along the lines of “Do I even need a reason?”. But a one word answer, spoken so genuinely, so lovingly from someone who has gone through so goddamn much, has so much more meaning than a paragraph or an essay or even a book about how much he loves Moon-soo. It hits deeper than mundanely loving someone because they are pretty or accomplished or an amazing person. It touches upon a sort of love that only them two can feel and possess. Only them two, and no one else, will ever understand. And the feeling that this one-word description gave me, was one of a sort of invasion. I felt like I was intruding on something so precious and dear, the fact that Kang-doo spoke “그냥” in itself already felt like much, much more than I already should be allowed to know. I felt like anything further said would just tarnish the beauty of it all. That is simply how real and stunning their affection for each other felt.

Another point that many others could probably agree with is how their physical interactions exuded overwhelming chemistry out of the simplest actions. All they did was hold hands for a really, long freaking time, but it felt a million times deeper than just hand holding. Even when the two finally kissed, there was nothing extravagant about it. The two just genuinely wanted to be with each other. And that was enough. In fact, it was more than enough. I probably sound like a broken record by now, but these two felt so natural and organic together that I almost felt like I didn’t deserve to watch them be so cute and coupley and just in love. The surrealism was overwhelming and it is something that could only come about from stellar writing, and of course, the performances of Lee Jun-ho and Won Jin-ah.

Jun-ho absolutely blew me away. Watching him progress through this drama made me fall for him, hard. Honestly, I sort of want to not even talk about the fact that he is also an idol, too, because the stigma of idol-actors has no place in this drama. Jun-ho literally made himself into this person. Usually, when actors play a significant role, and even when they pull it off really well, I still tend to associate the actor himself with that one character, not in a bad way, but as a form of infatuation (e.g. Ryu Jun-yeol as Kim Jung-hwan in ‘88). Not to say that seeing that actor only reminds me of that one character, but more like, I always tend to see flecks of the character that I can never fully shake off no matter how hard I try.

But for Jun-ho as Kang-doo, this is not the case. I can separate the two, very clearly, too. Of course, as a person, they have completely different personalities and such, but its the fact that I can see Kang-doo existing in this world as well as Jun-ho the actor, idol, and human, too. Because that’s just how well he played it. And don’t even get me started on how multi-talented Jun-ho is as a person in real life, too. The fact that he can dance and sing super fucking well (with countless solo songs and albums to call his own) further blows my mind and raises him up to the top ranks of my favorite actors. There is nothing this guy can’t do. And I just want to mention, he isn’t particularly handsome or anything. To me, it is endless charms and abilities that make Jun-ho such a likable guy. I am absolutely proud to have watched him grow thus far.

As for Won Jin-ah, it was already hyped from the beginning that she was chosen out of “120 auditions” which is indeed a big feat, but I think just further adds to her credibility as an outstanding actress. She has such natural features of expression, and of course, that pure, innocent kind of vibe that is commonly taken for granted among actresses. I am going to be honest here, I am not as good at dissecting female performances compared to male performances, mostly because I am a female myself, but Won Jin-ah fit Moon-soo so well that I truly can’t see her as anyone else. I know that that kind of saying is a bit overused for many characters played by certain actors, but I truly do mean it in the same way I talked about Jun-ho as Kang-doo. She made herself into Moon-soo, in which I can firmly believe there is a Ha Moon-soo somewhere out there working at her mother’s bathhouse and making models, while there is also the actress Won Jin-ah doing her job.

It is just stunning, how intricate and detailed these characters were, and how well they came to life on screen. I can’t get over it, I just really can’t. If I daresay, it was almost as if I was watching a documentary. These two were that real together. It was heartbreakingly beautiful.

Which takes me into the angst realm of 그 사이. Many, many commenters of this drama mentioned how heavy it was, and how it was difficult to watch during hard times and such. But for me, although I admit I am a total sucker for dark and depressing shows anyway, its heaviness weighed me down in all the right ways. It tugged at the right corners of my heart, to a point where for the first time ever, I literally bawled my eyes out because of something beautiful.

It is pretty hard to explain, how I felt as I watched their lives unfold. The most prominent feeling, of course, was sadness and pain for when the characters themselves were in pain. Sometimes, I could feel the pain physically in my chest, and I wished until the end of the world that everything could be okay. But at the same time, when things just seemed to happen at the right moments in time, when their fingers seemed to intertwine at all the perfect angles, I weeped like there was no tomorrow because have you ever seen a couple so beautiful before? I haven’t, I really haven’t.

Anything that heals must have been hurt before, too. And that is Kang-doo and Moon-soo. They provide each other with a sort of healing that only they can feel and understand. While one radiates pain and suffering, the other absorbs it all and folds it with love into the layers that is their relationship. I agree to an extent that their occasional back-and-forth-ness got a little bit out of hand, but I also see it is as a sort of apprehensiveness. That these two loved each other so much, that they wanted to avoid hurting the other in any way possible.

So as much as their agony from the unfortunate events in their lives caused, and as much as they cried themselves, I cried along with them, the entire way through. And when there were those small, gorgeous moments of the light shining through the cracks for just a little while, I still cried. Mundane moments reflected something so much deeper than any viewer can feel on their own accord. Crying a shit ton during a show probably sounds like a negative thing, but for me, it simply shows me how much 그 사이 moved me. It moved my soul to peer into places deeper than the deepest places of my imagination. Even when I was simply walking to class in the middle of the day, I got choked up just thinking about Kang-doo and Moon-soo and how everything might unfold before them, for better or for worse.

Everything that happened between Kang-doo and Moon-soo felt so raw with emotion. Each line spoken to each other was purposeful and wistful. There really never was a dull moment between the two. The way in which some of the scenes were shot, the camera would shake in the slightest. It made it all look so brutally realistic, as if we were really there, privy to their thoughts and secrets and feelings.

그 사이 literally took over my life for the weeks that it was airing, and although this obsessive enthusiasm wasn’t exactly new to me (Healer & Reply ‘88 both accomplished this), it pushed me to ask why this show had the ability to do so. I honestly don’t think words alone will ever fully be enough to explain all of the pure beauty in 그 사이, but words are all I have at my expense.

silhouettes & hands & ice cream & carrots--

These are the small things that made this drama all the more ethereal. The cinematography and the way the sunlight hit the camera at certain angles, it literally printed itself onto my brain. These frames were magnificent and nearly struck a tear in my eye each time. The usage of silhouettes as well, was so, extremely well done here. I have no words.

One of the biggest things that also stood out significantly to me, although maybe not that big of a deal, but definitely worth a mention, was how well her hand fit into his. I have never felt such a swell of emotions through people simply holding hands. I swear to god, it is as if their hands were made for each other. Her hands are perfectly smaller than his, which means his covered them effortlessly. “You were born to be loved by me, right?” asks Kang-doo. Some of his lines were honestly so cringey, but Jun-ho pulled them off so well, they seriously sounded really natural to me. 100% cute and 0% corny.

And of course, the iconic ice creams. The fact that by the end of the drama, Moon-soo herself actually likes ice cream, too, can it get any cuter. To add to the cuteness, in real life, Jun-ho is ice cream obsessed, always posing with it, talking about it, even writing a song about it, and of course, eating it. I feel like the symbol of ice cream was sort of like Jun-ho’s piece to take from Kang-doo. It is like a part of him that he gave to his character, to fully make it his, but not exactly him.

The carrot is iconic because of the one line we can never forget. The line that Moon-soo meant, but didn’t really mean at the same time. The line that sputtered out of her mouth in a funny, exasperating way, but also in a meaningful, deeper, heartfelt way. Me too, Moon-soo, me too. I like a man that eats carrots, too.

thank yous & i love yous & geu sa-i--

This motif was quite a prominent one, but after thinking about it more, I started to realize the sort of message the writer and director were possibly trying to get at. The “i love you”s were touching and cute and everything, but the line(s) that got to me the most were not those three stereotypically monumental words, but it was the “thank you”s that cut deeper than most. How many dramas have you watched where the couple consistently thanked each other? And what kind of meaning did those thank yous hold? In 그 사이, Moon-soo and Kang-doo exchanged genuine, heartfelt thank yous.

The thing with these thank yous though, is that they have a multitude of meanings. “Thank you for picking me up today.” “Thank you for calling me.” “Thank you for being there for me.” “Thank you for loving me.” “Thank you for being you.” “Thank you for staying by my side.” “Thank you for being alive.” I could go on and on, but you get the point. These thank yous meant the universe to them, they relayed a sort of gratitude and passion and sentiment that only these two could feel and share. It all just felt so organic.

Next, I want to discuss the “trope” that 그 사이 utilized in which Kang-doo was fighting for his life towards the end of it all. This part was excruciatingly painful to watch, mostly because I honestly couldn’t tell how they were going to end it all. Nor could I really understand what sort of meaning each kind of ending could have. If they ended it happily ever after, why? And if not, what else were they trying to say? I just couldn’t tell.

Kang-doo was suffering from a failing liver, and I think it only made sense. From day one, he is depicted as reckless, especially towards his own body. A comment somewhere on Dramabeans stated it nicely: “Grandma kept telling him to stop taking [the painkillers] and to let his pain out instead, and with no granny to give him placebos, he ended up taking real, strong painkillers.” I feel like 그 사이 toyed with Kang-doo’s life as a sort of reality check, that shit goes on, no matter how good or bad everything seems to be turning out, shit still goes on. But by saving him, of course, maybe they are telling us that miracles really do exist. Most importantly, they don’t forget to remind us that these miracles may come at the expense of others’ own misfortunes.

And if anything, the dragging out of Kang-doo’s potential death left room for the supporting to characters to come out and shower Kang-doo with love. I can’t remember the quote exactly, but it was when the doctor asked Jae-young what kind of person her brother was, that so many random people were coming forward to readily donate a part of their liver as if it was no big deal. But Ma-ri countered wonderfully, that it is a serious decision to make, which is all the reason why it matters so much more. It was super duper heartwarming to see everyone try their best, in any way, to help Kang-doo and just have him live. I feel like giving us the most plausible hope of Sang-man specifically, was symbolic in which he, of all people, literally the most profound, but possibly most childish person out of our entire bunch, would be the one to save Kang-doo. But it also felt brutally realistic when they suddenly took him away as a donor because life just doesn’t get to work out perfectly like that all the time. But also with last-minute miracles, life kinda does tend to work out at the perfect times. Life is luck? Maybe.

But the ending scene, that goddamn, fucking gorgeous ending scene. I don’t even care if people whine all they want about how ending with a kiss scene is cliche and overrated, just leave me be to pick this one apart. In fact, the part that got me the most choked up wasn’t even the kiss itself (I mean, it partly was), but it was the dialogue, the eyes, the expressions, and the voiceover that got me wailing like a drowning beluga whale in the middle of the Atlantic ocean. Like smack dab in the middle. Wailing incessantly. That was me.

Because here is the thing. First off, we pan into a frame that overlooks the Busan cityscape as the sun is setting, the bright houses are subtly flashing their hues, the horizon is glowing all sorts of reds and blues and pinks and oranges and purples, and our couple’s silhouette is situated perfectly at the center of it all. Literally, just that still frame of that scene itself, took my breath away. Stunning cinematography at its finest. Moon-soo tells Kang-doo that she loves him, which we haven’t gotten a chance to hear after all the times he’s already told her the same. But here she says it and her eyes are literally glowing, and his eyes are peaceful yet joyous at the same time, the most comfortable, and just the most at-home I have ever seen them throughout the entire series. And then there is a really long pause with no dialogue, no sounds, no loud blowing, just a blank, subtle, empty noise, as he cradles her face which somehow just manages to fit perfectly into his hand, and then Kang-doo’s voice breaks through the ever-so-slightly prolonged silence, and he narrates “Moon-soo loves me”.

I will repeat that just in case you couldn’t read it above: “Moon-soo loves me”.

The impact that this one simple line had was massive, colossal, unimaginably poignant, and it hit me. Deep. This one line, I feel, gave validation to this entire show, to all our hours devoted to watching it, to the characters’ actions, and most importantly, to Kang-doo’s life. Throughout the entirety of 그 사이, he is literally battling for his life, not only physically at the end, but emotionally and mentally as well. He very much lacked that spark of purpose, the thing that made him live. Not to denounce his worth and say that now his life only boils down to Moon-soo’s love for him. It’s more like, she gives him another beginning. Kang-doo states this eloquently when talking with Seo Joo-won on the roof about why he loves her. “Just because”. He continues, “I was a man that could only live by the day. But after meeting her, I was curious about tomorrow”.

And so “Moon-soo loves me” is so pivotal in which Kang-doo has mostly, hopefully relieved himself of all the shit and guilt and trauma and struggles that he has been fighting from within, and all he needs in his life to keep going is Moon-soo’s love. This line is followed up with a “The fact that we are alive… it is a relief.” How fucking beautiful is that.

And now, this is where I can come full circle to the title of this drama, “그냥 사랑하는 사이”. The English of this has been commonly translated as “Just Between Lovers”, but as you can tell since the beginning of this composition, I do not prefer to use that title, for several reasons. The main one is that, well, sometimes there are things in other languages that you really just cannot translate. “그냥 사랑하는 사이” is one of them. The meaning that it has in Korean, the feelings and implications that it carries with it, simply cannot be translated into the English language. If I wanted to try, it would be something along the lines of “just your average, simple relationship between two people that love each other”. Which still sounds pretty stupid in English, but with those extra strands of meaning, and even more added depth, is what the Korean title holds. Also, for simplicity’s sake, Korean phrases tend to be condensed into acronym-like words. In this case though, “그냥 사랑하는 사이 (geu-nyang sa-rang-ha-neun sa-i)” as an acronym-ish kind of word is simply “그 사이 (geu sa-i)” in which the “냥 (nyang)” and “사랑하는” (meaning “loving”) are removed to now signify something along the lines of literally: “that relationship” or “a relationship”. “그” is used as sort of an article, I guess, meaning “that” or “a”, or basically anything not really specific like his or hers or yours. **I have never learned Korean formally, and everything I’m saying is legitimately self-taught, so please don’t quote me on any of this, but I am just trying to get my point across as best as I can LOL** This all boils down to how, to me, “그 사이” is so simple yet touching and moving and so full of meaning, that it has this sort of immense, hidden beauty to it. Not only is it, in this case, a shortened version of “그냥 사랑하는 사이”, but “그 사이” as a phrase in any context is seemingly mundane, but carries so much more than meets the eye.

Just like, you know, a relationship. But not actually. The love part sounds simple enough, and it is. They love. But how they came to love, what it means to them, contains a meaning so deep and intricate that, maybe, just to make things easier and to even preserve its profound beauty that we will never understand, we will leave it as... just a relationship.

And I find that incredibly moving. I am struggling right now, to type down my feelings, but I hope that it is working to an extent. For the first time ever, a drama’s title actually seemed to fit, in less of a relevancy sort of way, but in much more of a meaningful, heartfelt way. The title of this drama is so short, so plain, almost boring-sounding, but it encompassed so much more than that. It encompassed an entire, full relationship of two people that come to love, or even more than love, but live, through pain and deaths and guilt and hardships and tears and growth and interdependence, and just each other.

There is an infinite amount of complexity hidden within the seemingly thin and obvious layers of  그 사이, and I think this is what is at the center of its ethereal beauty as a show for viewers to absorb. The words behind the characters’ actions and the events that occur carry immaculate weight, that it makes you question things, maybe even about your own life. This is a sort of art that I have never, ever seen a show demonstrate, and it completely took my breath away. It left a million pieces of my heart shattered on the floor. I literally feel like my life has changed, even if just a little bit.

Which now brings me to the things that this show wanted to tell the audience. When commenting about 그 사이, many people tended to say something along the lines of “It had great messages, it was so deep, etc.” and yes, I agree with that, too. But nowhere did anyone actually say what those messages were. I feel like there is an infinite number of lessons 그 사이 wanted to teach us, but I’ll try to point out the more noticeable ones first.

think about this--

Remember the forgotten.

Awareness is one of the strongest forces, because knowledge is power. I feel that, amidst people’s ordinary lives, we sometimes forget to remember those who simply never had a chance to live. We all live so voraciously and fervently, but it is important to be aware of that fervor that couldn’t be. Some people questioned the intent of leaving out the final product of the memorial that our two leads were working so hard on throughout the entire show. One commentator wrote simply: "In a way, it gave cadence to the idea that the memorial wasn't for the public or even us as the viewers. It belongs to the victims and the survivors of the tragedy." Very well articulated. Nothing more is needed.

Poverty kills.

I touched upon this one a little bit in the above text, but here, I’m just going to lay down Halmeoni’s entire spiel because no could have said it better than her.

Mental trauma is in its own way, more painful than any physical sort of pain.

Jun-ho demonstrates this so hauntingly and beautifully through his acting as the broken Kang-doo. In an interview that Jun-ho had after wrapping up filming, he says, "I didn't know what these people thought. It's something you won't know if you haven't been through it. You have to experience pain to know what it feels like. So I didn't even dare to try to understand them. I just used my own method of shutting myself away”. So much personal heart and character lies within those words, making his performance even more credible and noteworthy. Here is a line from the wise ol’ Halmeoni that hits pretty deep.

Never take life for granted.

I feel like this sort of message has such redundancy and insensibility in common-day life, but it is a reality that 그 사이 brings to life gorgeously. These characters are struggling in the depths of their own despair on a daily basis. But in the end, we get to see them prevail in some sort of way, with the help of each other’s sheer existence. In the same interview, Jun-ho says, “You don't take things for granted. Every little thing from the sun and wind, is important.” It is so poignant, to see the actor himself connect so deeply with the plot and depth of the story itself. The ending scene of 그 사이 paints this message in the air and the wind, from Kang-doo’s very own voiceover. He says, “Because we survived… it’s a relief”. And that’s it. That concludes the entirety of 그 사이. What huge punch to the guts that line was. It was so bold, heart-rendering, and just true. It was true, that the simple fact that we are living our own lives, sad or happy, good or bad, pain or not, we are alive, and that is all that matters in the end.

words & frames--

In addition, I want to include a few more lines (that are conveniently included within the beautiful OST MVs produced by El Music Studio) that struck huge cracks into my soul as they were spoken aloud on screen. Honestly, these lines sound much better in Korean because there is a sort of depth that an English translation isn’t able to capture, but that is okay. English will just have to do.

“Misery is just... being miserable.”

“Looking down from such a high place like this, people don’t really look like people anymore, do they?”

“Just because they are crying more loudly doesn’t mean that they are hurting more.”

“Him distancing himself that much shows how much he actually cherishes you.”

“And so, more than anyone else... we must be happier.”

An extra note about the OSTs: none of them stood out enough for me to add to my music library, not even Jun-ho’s very own (as much I love his gorgeous voice). However, I can confidently say that they added a haunting effect to many of the scenes and portrayals throughout the show. All the voices and quiet, heart-tugging melodies that meadered its way between the dialogue and echoes, created some intense emotions that probably would’ve been empty otherwise.

noticeable hair-growth & flaws & final wrap up--

One of the things that I really came to notice by the end of this show was that the characters’ hair had grown significantly. I mean, this is a given. Hair grows over time. Duh. But aside from the fact that it’s an obvious naturality. I found to love how it added to the realism in 그 사이. The fact that by the last episode, Jung Yoo-jin’s hair was almost reaching her shoulders, Seo Joo-won’s was creeping towards his neck, Moon-soo grew out her bangs and swept it to the side, and Kang-doo’s covered his eyes a little more than usual, was just a touching sight to take in. Look how human they are! Their hair grew properly, following the time sequence of the series itself. How beautiful is that. It’s such a subtle, minor detail, but to me, it really stood out as an aesthetic touch to its already-brimming-with-reality depiction that 그 사이 establishes.

I could be biased here, but I want to say that 그 사이’s biggest fault was that it used supporting characters like Seo Joo-won and Jung Yoo-jin. Not to say that their roles were completely useless or detrimental to the plot, but more like, their roles were underdone amidst the medley of such a strong leading pair mixed with the other complex, unique supporting figures. Although Jung Yoo-jin thankfully did not play your classic, snooty second female lead vying for the main man, Seo Joo-won very much fell under this category, in his own male-ish sort of way. I honestly did not really appreciate some of his actions and words. I felt like his character was lacking the depth and charm that the rest of the cast hones in on so well. The writers really could have given more to work with, but with such bland lines and cliche intentions, I just couldn’t find myself warming up to him. Aside from parts of Joo-won’s incompleteness as a character, I guess another flaw could be the classic kdrama tropes 그 사이 utilized. As minimal as they were, some were there regardless. The wrist grab, the mid-fall waist catch, the eavesdropping behind a wall, and all of that cliche mush you could find in 1897957 other kdramas, were definitely present in 그 사이. But whatever. It was fucking beautiful anyway.

Finally, I want to address the last part of this clean finale that 그 사이 managed with ease. In particular, it was the montage of the familiar locations that we have gotten to see since the beginning. Externally, it looked plain and a little bit sad and empty. But I feel like these stills offered us so much, because these locations were more than places that our characters frequented, but they are perpetual within their spaces of time. These places, those sort of “places that you can always go back to no matter what happens”. Places of rest, of heart, of everything else that has and could happen. At this point I’m basically just rambling, but my point is that. It was breathtaking.

Also, let us just take some time to appreciate these real Busan visuals. 

To anyone that has read this far by now… Wow. Just so you know, you have read through an entire 5-month journey with my thoughts LOL. It is almost May now and my life has been too much of a mess for me to be able to post this within one sitting.

Many days have passed since I last finished this drama and wiped my tears off my face and blew my nose into a soggy tissue and gazed awestruck into the beautiful skyline on my laptop screen. But my feelings remain the same, and this series has held such a special place in my heart. When talking about Korean dramas with friends or acquaintances I try to sound nonchalant about 그 사이. Because, you know, it was just that one show that lowkey changed my life. 그 사이 made me feel things and taught me things and provoked thoughts that no other show ever has in my life. I really could care less about what the general public had to say about 그 사이. I just know, I loved it with all my heart and soul. Thank you for everything, 그 사이.

[hogwartsclassof1978]

force of Love

August @jilychallenge

@hogwartsclassof1978 vs. @liiilyevans

PROMPT: they were duelling death eaters and slowly losing until he felt a forcefield go up around him as lily shouted a fierce "nO" and blew the 5 death eaters surrounding him off their feet  - she was angry that they had attacked but my gODRIC she looked so much angrier that she had to save her moRON of a boyfriend from a battle on their anniversary

 2.1k clumps of letters

-

She woke up to the sound of rustling sheets and opening drawers. Peeking an eye open, she found her boyfriend pulling a shirt over his head, struggling to keep his glasses on in the process. She smiled to herself, finding his helplessness endearing, and sat up, stretching her arms and back.

“G’morning,” she mumbled, trying to rub the sleep out of her eyes.

“Good morning, love,” he replied, smiling over his shoulder to her. There was nothing he loved more than Lily in the morning, her vibrant hair falling all over creation and light hitting her eyes in that way.

Lily reached over to their bedside table-- almost falling off the bed in the process-- and turned the clock towards herself. She groaned, falling back onto her pillows .“Bloody hell, James, what are you doing up already?”

He laughed, coming over to sit on the bed, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “8:30 really isn’t all that early. Besides, it’s a special day today, we have to make use of the daylight while we still have it.”

“Believe me, at this rate we’ll have more daylight than we know what to do with. Besides, how is today special?”

“Well,” he started, a wide smile spreading across his face, “Today marks our two year anniversary.”

“James, dear-” he interrupted her with a snigger which she countered with an eyeroll- “Love, It’s only July, we’ve been dating for only, what, seven months? And here I was thinking you’re good at maths.”

“No, not our two year anniversary of dating, our two year anniversary of you deciding we could, well, should, be friends,” he replied. “I reckon it’s one of the best bloody days of my life. Y’know, only behind when you asked me out, or when you first proper snogged me, or our first time--”

“I get the picture,” Lily interjected, effectively cutting him off. She pushed herself up and tilted her head, pressing her lips softly against his. “And it was a pretty good day for me too.”

The genuine smile that he sported quickly turned to a smirk. “You did become friends with James Potter.”

“You prat.” She said, unable to cover up the laugh behind her words. “Go make yourself useful and make some toast.”

As the tall boy walked out of the room, Lily couldn’t help but admire the view of James in nothing but his pants and shirt. I really do love the tosser, she thought, pulling herself out of bed and making her way down to have breakfast with her boyfriend.

---

After hours of time spent with chats and exploding snap and other activities, Lily decided that she quite liked this friendiversary. Granted, she liked most any time spent with James, but it still felt special. Of course, the day was going far too well for it to end nicely. That just couldn’t happen.

It was around seven that Frank Longbottom’s patronus--a salmon--appeared in their living room. The silvery mass caused the two teens to look up from their game of muggle cards, one that Lily had been trying to teach James for ages. After a moment, sound, the voice of Frank,  was projected from the fish in an incomplete sentence.

“Knew about stakeout, need backup at diagon asap.” As soon as the message was complete, the patronus melted away into thin air, the voice reverberating in the silent cottage. The silence persisted for a few seconds but was broken when both James and Lily spoke at the same time.

“I’m going”

“Don’t even think about going.”

James sighed, “Lily, someone has to go help, and merlin knows I don’t want you getting hurt.”

The redhead glared at him. “First of all,” she started, “I am perfectly capable of protecting myself and I bloody well hope you get that through your head because if you plan on stopping me every time there’s a hint of danger then, then-”

At this point, Lily was breathing heavily, her cheeks flushed with anger. Her boyfriend interjected before she worked herself into a stupor. “Lily, you know I know that you’re perfectly capable of defending yourself.”

“Fantastic,” she replied dryly, “Now that we’ve got that out of the way, we can move on to my second point.”

“Your second point?”

“Yes, my second point.” She said it as though it was obvious, though James looked increasingly more confused. “You won’t be going.”

His confusion very quickly turned to exasperation. “Lily, I’m going to help out.” His hand jumped to his hair. “We can’t just leave them to fend for themselves!”

“Well, obviously.” She rolled her eyes. “But might I remind you that in your last mission you fucked up your shoulder pretty badly. You’ll be resting here while I go fight the bad guys.”

“Lily-”

“Don’t you Lily me.” She shrugged on a light jacket, shoving her wand in the deep pocket. “We both know you’ll be useless in battle, and you better be here when I get back.” With that, she pecked him on the cheek and ran out the door, the pop that followed ringing in James’ ears.

Alright, he thought, sitting down. Lily can fend for herself. I can stay out of it just this once. I can.

---

As soon as Lily apparated to diagon alley, it was clear to her that they were outnumbered, even with reinforcements popping up. She found herself duelling almost immediately, throwing curses and charms at a young woman with dark, curly hair. It was clear that the opposing death eater wasn’t holding back, but Lily, being the skilled witch she was, held her back, fending off multiple unforgivables. It seemed the muggle-born was about to win when, with a dark look, the other witch disapparated.

“Bloody coward,” muttered Lily. She took off running towards the thick of the battle, hoping to help. Once she got there, time seemed to turn into a blur of spells and shouts, of falling order members and death eaters. Lily seemed to be a different world, unaware of anything except who she was battling, until she noticed one person battling five death eaters at once. Disarming her opponent, she ran over to the young man, throwing curses over her shoulder.

As she neared the face of the order member, she was able to make out a mop of black hair and square glasses. For some reason, she was seeing the face of James Potter, who was supposed to be at their home and not battling death eaters.

Lily stopped in her tracks, panting from running (and from anger). It was obvious the boy was losing, and frankly, she was tempted to just let the tosser perish. Should have stayed home if he wanted to live, the prat. As she was deciding what to do, a green curse was aimed at James’ back.

Time seemed to slow. James hadn’t noticed the curse and Lily was frozen in place. It wasn’t until the laugh of the man who had shot the spell, with pale skin and glowing red eyes, that Lily came to her senses. Wrenching her shoulder up, she yelled a loud “protego” in the direction of her boyfriend.

The force of the spell blew all five death eaters off their feet, throwing them against neighboring walls. James turned around to look for his savior and his eyes widened at the sight of his girlfriend standing a few feet away from him. Her chest was heaving and eyes clouded with anger. He decided she had never looked more terrifying or beautiful in that moment.

“Lils-”

“Do not say a thing,” she hissed, seething with anger. “We are going home.”

“But what about the battle-”

“They have the battle under control.” And she was right. James looked around, finding each death eater matched against two or three order members. He felt a sharp pain in his shoulder has Lily pulled him up.

“Ah, Lily, my shoulder--”

“Fuck your shoulder,” She replied, her grip tightening as she apparated them home.

---

By the time James was shutting their front door behind him, Lily was slamming the bedroom door. With a sigh of resignation, James sat himself on the couch, hoping to allow Lily to cool off a bit before talking. Needless to say, he was quite impatient and lasted a whole five minutes before getting up to knock.

As he raised his hand to knock, the door swung open revealing a flustered version of his girlfriend. Before he could get a word out, she held up a small hand.

“I am furious at you,” she started, taking deep breaths between words. “So don’t talk to me right now. I know you’re impatient and want to talk this instance but I can’t.”

He grinned at her. “You know me too well.”

The corner of her mouth lifted slightly but was almost instantly forced back into a scowl. “Don’t try to charm your way out of this, James Potter. You can’t just do that, y’know, grin or whatever and top it off with a snog. I’m mad.”

“That sounds like a nice plan to me,” he responded with a smile. Again, her mouth quirked at the corner.

“See, this-” she gestured at his face- “is what I’m talking about!”

“C’mon, Lily, I just wanted to help-”

“That’s exactly the problem,” She exclaimed.

“My problem is that I want to help?”

“The problem is that you can’t let someone else help! I was going, I was helping, but you have this, this fucking hero complex where you cannot bloody fathom sitting back for once.”

“Oh, so now it’s a crime to want to crime to want to help? Well forgive me for having a heart.”

“You’re injured! You can’t even do the dishes without wincing, never mind battling five death eaters at once.”

“But-”

“No, stop. The last thing the order needs is one of their top members being blown to pieces because they wouldn’t let their body heal properly.”

“Better me than two other people! I can’t just sit aside while people die, Lily.”

“James, what about me,” she replied, voice shaking and only just barely above a whisper. “What the bleeding hell would I do if you died? Every extra mission you volunteer to go on, merlin, I’m about two duels away from a nervous breakdown!” Lily wiped furiously at her eyes, willing her tears to go away. Mad was okay, but sad? That was a whole different story

James pulled her towards him, wrapping his arms around her and kissing the top of her head. “M’sorry,” He mumbled into her hair. “I’m just so bloody scared of losing you that I feel like I have to fight more because the last thing we need is a longer war where you’re a constant target.”

Pulling away, Lily looked up at James, a small smile on her face. “We’re a mess, aren’t we,” she said, sighing. “You’re about to get yourself killed so I don’t die and I don’t want to live in a world where you aren’t.” She giggled. “I think we might be going mad from love.”

James looked down at her, an odd sort of look in his eyes. He was silent, just staring, for a few seconds, until he broke it.

“Marry me.”

Lily’s eyes widened. “What?”

“Marry me,” he said, more confident this time.

“James, we’re only eighteen, we can’t get married.”

“Well, why not? I don’t plan on breaking up with you and who knows where we’ll be in ten years. I love you, Merlin, do I love you and it won’t be any different than now, except we can do our taxes together.”

Lily quirked an eyebrow at her boyfriend. “Do wizards even have taxes?”

“No, I just saw something about it on that telly thing you had at your house and decided to read about them. Your entire government is a bit insane, y’know.”

She smiled at him, eyes crinkled at the corner and shining like she had just captured the sun. “Yes.”

“What?”

“Yes. To marrying you, that is. For the sake of the taxes, of course.”

He beamed at her, eyes twinkling and smile threatening to split his cheeks. “You’re marrying me. Lily Evans is marrying James Potter.”

She laughed at him, putting her arms around his neck. “Sirius might throw a fit.”

“Well,” he started, pulling Lily closer by her hips, “Sirius will get over it.”

With that, she pulled his head down to kiss him, to kiss her fiancé, and for the first time in quite a while, she could see a future.  

[judgeanon]

Hey, it's that Cass Cain Batgirl anon who was bugging Zechs earlier. Having stumbled across a couple of your musings on Shiva a while back...honestly, you've got a point or two about that series being a mixed blessing for Sandra Wu-san, though I'd say the finale's "welp, Cass, I'm your mom & Daddy Dave was basically my origin story" angle sucked most. Oh, and the plunging-neckline look was taken to an even stupider extreme on Nyssa Al-Ghul's suit in that arc. Great Dan Rand comparison, though.

Honestly, calling it a “mixed blessing” is already being very generous in my eyes. To me, Puckett had the right idea up until the death wish thing. Shiva is an outsider, someone who has no relation whatsoever to Cass or the batfamily apart from having fought or trained a few of them. She lives in a whole ‘nother world. And yet, Cass sees something of herself in her, and so does Shiva.

(Warning: this is gonna be a rant, so for the sake of everyone else…)

In Shiva, Cass sees what she could become if she threw all the things the Batfamily taught her away, if she rejected her burgeoning humanity and turned her focus to becoming “perfect”. Which is hella tempting for Cass, because it means not just becoming The Strongest, but also getting rid of all these pesky conflicting emotions and mixed thoughts that keep messing with her brain. She sees Shiva’s way of life as this beautiful, crystal clear, straightforward path that she herself could follow if she wanted. And Shiva knows it. Shiva can tell there’s a part of Cass that would like that, very much. And up until the death wish thing, that’s what it reads like: Shiva helping Cass find her own way by presenting her with an alternative. Shiva destroying Cass and then showing her a way she can rebuild herself as something new. And Cass, like the hero she is, ultimately rejects that way, which is fine. It’s dandy. It’s A-OK.

But then you get into the death wish thing, which is both incredibly cliche and, in my view, terribly OOC for Shiva. Shiva wants a fight, she wants to evolve, she wants stronger opponents, yes to all this. Shiva does not want to die. There is nothing before that run that indicates she wants to die. To me she always comes off more like someone who, in a very bushido way, has accepted death, and therefore conquered it. She just doesn’t care. She always fights to the death, but she’s not looking to die, and she certainly doesn’t groom people to kill her. Like Ivan Drago, if she dies, she dies, and she doesn’t think much else beyond that. Giving her a death wish, especially one that comes out of nowhere, is extremely annoying to me. And it doesn’t help that the whole “kill me to complete your training” was already old hat when fucking Star Wars did it.

And then you get into the family thing, into the whole backstory with David Cain and Cass being Shiva’s daughter, and that’s where I completely zone the fuck out. Not just because it rips almost any sense of agency out of her, but also because, and I’ve said this a dozen times or more already, any attempt to humanize Lady Shiva is a fool’s errand to me. Trying to explain her, to give her a reason for being like that, that goes against everything that makes her interesting to me. What makes her unique is being intensely inhuman. It’s being this ethereal, undecipherable, otherworldly presence who acts as a foil to more human and relatable characters. That’s why her Question appearances are still her best: because she always seemed to have stepped out of an entirely different plane of existence than Vic’s shades-of-gray-and-grit world, not just in a punchy kicky way but in a moral one. Hell, the fact that Vic couldn’t even begin to fathom her is the whole crux of their relation.

Which is why those early Puckett issues are so good. Because Cass, like Vic, is a very human character fraught with inner conflict who tries her best to become a better person. But unlike Vic, Cass could actually follow Shiva’s path. Vic could never be like her. Try as he might, he cannot separate himself from the material world, which is what dooms him in the end. He cannot reach that level. But Cass can. Cass’ ties with the world, at the start of Puckett’s run, are not as strong as Vic’s. So her relationship with Shiva echoes the Question run, but also adds a whole bunch of layers to it. Will Cass reject the complexities of a humanity that seems to weaken her more and more with every word she learns?

That, all that, to me, completely evaporates the moment you try to humanize Shiva. And fuck did those last issues try, and they tried hard. Way too hard. Because it reduces Shiva to another sob story, another tortured assassin who wants it all to end, another walking cliche. In a misguided attempt to fill her character up with backstory and emotions and humanity, they hollow her out. And once that happens, her interactions with Cass become every bit as empty. They become cliches, usual places, same old tired crap, signifying nothing.

What does Shiva being Cass’ mom add to their story? What does it add to their characters? What does it give them that they didn’t have already? Does it mean that Shiva actually cares about Cass? That changes literally nothing, because her end game is still the same stupid death wish. Does it mean that Cass can see where Shiva is coming from? Doesn’t matter, because she still makes the same choice as before. They tried so hard to flesh out Shiva’s death wish without realizing it was a dumb idea to begin with, and the end result was tying two characters together without anything new or good to show for it.

Mind you, it’s not entirely without potential. If someone tried, really tried, I imagine they could be able to squeeze something interesting from all that junk. As long as they don’t circle around to the fucking death wish again, the idea of Cass being the only member of the Batfamily who can (to a certain degree) understand and accept Shiva has some legs. Cass as someone who has one foot in Shiva’s world, but also all these ties to Batman’s world that she will never break, and Shiva as someone who understand and accepts this as the way Cass chose for herself. There is room there for something more than the same tired cliche. There’s even room for a team-up. But so far, the only thing I genuinely like about the whole ordeal is Psudonym’s adorable fanart of Momma Shiva and Babby Cass, and the idea of an Edo-era “Lone Wolf and Cub”-style Elseworlds that is just too beautiful to ever actually happen.