#heavy me3 spoilers

[emmster]

First 6 pages done of the crossover comic 👀

[swaps55]

Do you have a Mass Effect recommended mod list?

You bet!!!

First, here is a really excellent intro guide on modding Legendary Edition, which includes a list of recommended mods for each game, split out into spoiler-free changes that are friendly for a first play through, and spoiler/heavy content changing mods. There are a LOT of mods on these lists, but it's a good place to look and see what's out there and what piques your interest.

If you want to see my own mod loadout list for each game, I've included it under the cut!

LE1:

This is the order I install this mod list in, as LE1 is a consistency/patching nightmare. Several mods include patches for other mods, so mods like Casual Hubs and Same-Gender Romances, which require lots of compatibility patches, need to be installed before a lot of other mods.

Make a backup of your game before you add mods. Restoring to vanilla if something breaks is very quick and easy if you have a backup, and it is easy to do with the mod manager.

Notes:

The LE1 Community Patch is a must (as it is for all three games). It is primarily bug fixes, and most every other mod for the trilogy is built on community patch framework.

Alliance Uniform Consistency/Casual Hubs/Same Gender Romance Mod are staples for me. Even if you are not doing a same gender romance playthrough, SGR mod will eliminate ninjamances, among other delightful tweaks.

The N7 Leather Jacket for male Shepard is now known as Ported Casuals for Male Shepard (I just haven't updated that one).

The LE1 Diversification mods is amazing, but requires the Halcyon Hair Pack and Advanced Weapons Models for LE1 to work. I prefer the original weapon models in general, so when I am not on the Citadel, I install everything but those mods. I have tried turning them off and it doesn't work (the textures for the original guns are no longer there), so I vanilla the game and re-install my core mods when I leave the Citadel.

Pinnacle Station is the big mod I haven't installed here, so I felt the need to mention it.

To get Shepard in their LE3 armor in ME1 you actually need two mods (if you are not a soldier who can wear heavy armor): 1. Iconic Fashion Party, in which every armor you equip becomes the heavy Onyx armor. 2. ME3 N7 Armor, which makes the heavy Onyx armor the LE3 armor.

I am still on the fence on the Private Message Terminal/A Little Help From My Friends mods - I love the added functionality of the message terminal in LE1, but I always do all the fetch quests on my own, so I almost resent the help. I have a feeling most people do not resent the help on mineral gathering. XD (If I am really ambitious one day, I might dive into the guide for the message terminal and see if I can make a mod that delivers messages from the 'Yang crew throughout the game....)

LE2

This is my mod list for LE2. I spend less time modding it, since it is generally the game I am most anxious to speed through, so this may not be the best example of a comprehensive recommended list.

Notes.

Flycam is a non-Nexus mod I made following this tutorial. It is necessary if you want to use the LE2 Less Restrictive Pause Menu & Photo Mode.

LE2 Less Restrictive Pause Menu & Photo Mode is INCREDIBLE for photo mode, but it's buggy. If you are not interested in using photo mode/screenshotting cut scenes from different angles in fly cam, you do not need this mod.

I believe Sheploo appearance consistency project is necessary for a lot of casual clothing mods, because for some reason LE2 Sheploo is cheeto-colored.

If you are using EGM Armors for LE2, be aware that when you first wake up, Shepard is in their skivvies, and will be until you select a casual outfit. Which you can do on Minuteman Station, and if you do not, this happens, and you're welcome. (Either that or this happens if you install EGM Armors after Minuteman - either way it's incredible).

LE3

Notes:

Like LE2, Flycam is a non-Nexus mod I created myself, following this tutorial.

At last check, Unlimited Fuel ME3 was not compatible with one of the other core mods, and doesn't work (you can give yourself gobs of fuel via a save editor, however).

The same caution on LE3 Less restrictive Pause Menu & Photo Mode applies here as it does to LE2. Here's a fun look at one of the bugs (which I see as more of a feature, honestly, and you can mostly avoid this bug if you are not using a controller during conversations).

Shoot With Your Mouth Closed is a fucking incredible QOL upgrade that gets rid of the dumb battle grimace Shepard wears in combat. There are two versions, one or the other should work. If you are using photo mode at all during combat, I highly recommend this mod.

I think Anderson's Final Conversation Restored is a mostly redundant mod if you're using the Happy Ending Mod. I just haven't cleared it out of my library.

Expanded Galaxy Mod is huge with an almost overwhelming amount of added content - I highly recommend it as a must-have.

A very important mod that is missing from this list because I have not played LE3 since it came out is Project Variety (LE3). I cannot even begin to touch on everything Project Variety does - look at the mod page to see for yourself. This mod is not compatible with the LE3 Diversification project - you need to choose between the two of them.

Same Gender Romance Mod is not out yet for LE3, but if you are doing mShenko, the romance flags will carry over, and there are only a couple of minor hiccups that are easy to overlook.

There has been a bunch of neat stuff out for LE3 since I last played it, so I am sure there are some great mods missing from my current list that I need to investigate. But this is what I have right now.

I'm sure there is a ton more I could say, but I think this is a pretty decent summary. Holler if you have any questions! I have next to zero knowledge on how to create mods, but I've gotten comfortable installing them and understanding some of the quirks.

The Mass Effect modding community is absolutely phenomenal. The fact we can mod the games at all is due to the dedication and hard work of a lot of fans. The toolsets they've created are incredible, and there are some REALLY amazing things being done right now with these games.

[ideas-on-paper]

HEAVY SPOILERS for Mass Effect 3 "Priority: Rannoch" + NieR Automata Ending A

My live reaction to the end of the Rannoch arc of ME3, 2023, colorized

[aycharrgeigercounter]

i cant do evil playthroughs of video games. like, its not a guilt thing, it’s a moral thing. I wouldn’t kill a whole race of sentient creature in real life, so why would i in the game??

[stillsimpingforaymeric]

Kaidan Alenko and the importance of visual storytelling

(Since this post was unable to appear in searches on my old blog, simpingforaymeric, I have chosen to repost it here on my new one)

1. Introduction

One of the most prominent criticisms leveled against the character of Mass Effect’s Kaidan Alenko is that he is, in a word, boring. It’s a comment that seemed confusing after first playing the game and falling almost immediately in love with the character, but gaining some distance after ten years and playing the games more critically than before, starts to make more and more sense.

Don’t get me wrong - Kaidan Alenko is perhaps my most favorite character across all Bioware games. He is by far the one I relate to the most. The following… experiment? Thesis? Elaborate soap box? Is therefore not meant to convince anyone that, Actually, He Is Boring, or even criticize the character of Kaidan Alenko in that sense, but aims to explain why “boring” is the gut reaction of so many (often slightly more casual) players. I want to propose a theory of what issues there are, why they appear across all three games and finally propose a range of edits and changes that might alleviate them. And when I say changes, I in no way mean to change anything about the character of Kaidan Alenko - but to change how that character is communicated to the audience. 

I will preface this by saying that this post is roughly ten years in the making and does not reflect just my own personal observations, but relevant input from other fans across social media, from the BSN, to twitter, to tumblr. Many of these people have moved on, many of them have changed blog names so often it is simply impossible for me to look them up. So while I can no longer source any person in particular for any specific observation, I still want to make clear that this is the result of many thoughtful and insightful posts from many thoughtful and insightful people over a span of years. I have no intention of taking the credit for myself, I am just trying to bring it all together in one project. Once we get to the “How to fix it” part, I will only discuss the ideas that I’ve come up with myself over the past few weeks of replaying the trilogy. 

If a post like this already exists and is already in circulation, please let me know. I have not been active in the fandom for some years and would be very interested if anyone has done a write up similar to mine before. 

Also, this will likely include spoilers for most titles in the Dragon Age and Mass Effect game franchises (not books, or comics, though), so if you haven’t quite finished Inquisition, ME3, or any other game, you may want to hold off on reading this. 

You may also want to hold off on reading this because it’s honest to God 19 pages long. I like this character a normal amount. 

2. The core issues

If there is a thesis statement to this, it is that Kaidan Alenko sounds like an incredibly interesting, multifaceted, uniquely skilled and powerful character who you never see fully represented on screen. My own particular love of Kaidan comes, if I am honest, less from the cutscenes the game actually puts him in and can instead quite often be traced back to deep analysis of dialogue, codex entries and tracing and connecting implications of the two. 

To give a concrete example, I know for a fact that Kaidan Alenko is a very powerful biotic. Most companions in the first game can remark upon this fact and all of them seem impressed. His powers don’t just contribute to an ambiguous Coolness Factor, though. They also impact his personality significantly. They weigh heavy on his conscience, something we learn when he states in early ME1 party banter that he has been deliberately holding himself back for fear of hurting someone. He learned the hard way that his powers are a massive responsibility when he accidentally killed Commander Vyrnnus, something he confesses to you in one of his more powerful conversations in the first game. It’s also a physical burden as we hear from Dr. Chakwas that he suffers from chronic migraines. On top of that, his unique power and his suffering both come from the L2 implant he wears, an outdated model that is considered dangerous. Kaidan has debilitating migraines, but he is one of the luckier ones; other children suffered anything ranging from severe mental disabilities to fatal brain tumors. During the timeline of ME1 there is a serious legal battle raging in the background, of the surviving L2 biotics trying to get reparations for what was done to them. And finally, he is one of the first human biotics to even exist, wearing only the second generation of implants that allow him access to manipulating dark energy. Human biotics are essentially space mages and are socially ostracized and feared by much of humanity. 

It’s safe to say that the entire character of Kaidan Alenko hinges on his biotics. His abilities are a fundamental part of him. They have shaped his personality, his ethical code and his sense of personal identity. Kaidan Alenko as a character simply does not make sense without his biotic abilities. 

The problem is that you can count the amount of times Kaidan Alenko, one of the most powerful human biotics in the alliance military, actually uses his biotic abilities, on one hand. In fact, you can count them on one finger, because there is exactly one scene  - a very simple, not particularly impressive use of Throw on two random goons in the Citadel DLC. Not only is this cutscene not particularly reflective of Kaidan’s extensive ability, it only happens for people who have already locked in his romance and therefore made the game prioritize him. The specific scene could theoretically happen with most other characters. That means anyone who isn’t already completely and entirely sold on the character of Kaidan Alenko, to the extent that they ship their personal OC with him, will likely never see this. I’ll get into why he doesn’t have those scenes a little later. 

You can extrapolate this basic issue for most of the other fundamental cornerstones of his character: 

Kaidan’s morality is strongly rooted in the concept of Paragon, that is to say, he is not an “ends justify the means” kind of guy. He will often try and resolve things peacefully, like when he talks down his fellow L2 biotics from committing homicide during UNC: Hostage in ME1. But because of how the game’s companion system works, Kaidan is never afforded the ability to do more than politely disagree with a renegade Shepard who happily commits war crimes. Voluntarily leaving the squad, as companions in a Dragon Age game might, is simply not on the table. In fact, his personality is so malleable in the first game that it takes one conversation to turn him into more of a renegade and, by proxy, a xenophobe. This option likely exists to ensure that players of a renegade Shepard have a choice in surrounding themselves with companions that do not fundamentally disagree with their ethics and choices, but it significantly weakens a character we are told values integrity. 

Kaidan is an officer. He held the rank of Staff Lieutenant with over a dozen special commendations in ME1, putting him barely one rung below Shepard. The reason Shepard’s initiating dialogue is “Just trying to get a sense of where the crew’s at. Thoughts?” is that Kaidan handles staffing issues and is for all intents and purposes in charge of the marine detail of the Normandy. This simply does not come up. The only thing that is even peripherally mentioned is that Kaidan was the one who recommended getting Ashley Williams on board after Eden Prime. By ME2, he is Staff Commander and outranks Shepard. By ME3, he’s a Major, which is equivalent to the rank of Captain that Anderson held in the first game. As a Major, Kaidan was specifically put in charge of a spec ops team of human biotics. We will never meet them, never see Kaidan commanding them or even talking to them. Never be able to reflect in any way how this changed or affected Kaidan, who was himself abused in an alliance military project under a bad teacher. The game sometimes even forgets that he holds a significant rank at all and will generally consider Shepard to be his superior officer. And I haven’t even gotten into the Spectre stuff.

Kaidan is a chronic pain patient. You will never see him actively suffer the effects, unless we count an idle animation in the first game.  Kaidan values self-control. He will never be put into a position where that self-control is tested and he either overcomes or lets loose. Or, at the very least, highly emotional scenes that could tempt his self-control, simply don’t.

3. The importance of visual impact 

Kaidan Alenko is a very interesting character. On paper. Anyone who doesn’t spend the extra effort reading codex entries, reading character meta on tumblr and investing a considerable amount of time into wrapping their head around the particulars of his character will likely miss a great deal of his personality, because it’s just not on the screen. It used to be my instinct to argue that, well, reading codex entries is important and putting in a little effort to understand a character is fine and dandy. Anyone who isn’t doing that is simply cheating themselves out of appreciating some wonderful fictional guys. And in some cases, I think it is generally fair that not every aspect of a character need be spoon fed to the player. Fans engaging with the text, rather than passively observing it, is a natural part of media consumption.

However, I have to admit that at the end of the day, video games are a visual medium. Furthermore, the old adage of “show, don’t tell”, still applies. And when a character is fundamentally underrepresented, when even the most basic, core concepts of a character are simply missing from the screen, then I can no longer fault anyone for not immediately connecting to a character who is for all intents and purposes absent.

If you are having trouble wrapping your head around the importance of visual input in video games, let’s contrast Kaidan’s lack with other characters’ plenty.

If you don’t think showing Kaidan’s biotics would contribute much, then think about how Samara’s biotics are serene, precise, beautiful. Picture her sitting on the Normandy carefully meditating, shaping a perfect, beautiful little galaxy between her hands. Now contrast it with Jack, violently and impulsively ripping through three heavy mechs to escape her prison. Biotics aren’t just technically something these characters are capable of - their personalities are reflected in what situations they use them in, how they use them and what they look like. 

If you don’t think it matters if a character is afforded an opportunity to show a strong sense of morality, then think about how most companions in Dragon Age do not follow blindly, how big choices like templars vs. mages can cost you the loyalty of one or more companions, if you didn’t invest enough time into forming strong relationships with them. Think about how even in a romance, even at 100% approval, Alistair will leave the party if you choose to spare Loghain. How he will never even consider making that choice if he is put up for that final duel at the Landsmeet. Sure, you can toughen him up a little, you can give him a different outlook and in so doing have some impact on his potential epilogues, but the player is never afforded the opportunity to fundamentally change him. If Alistair leaves, it’s not just a codex entry or a mention on the side. He will confront you and he will walk out on you. 

If you don’t think seeing Kaidan in command of his troops is important, then think about how Cullen’s leadership in Inquisition is reflected on screen. How, at the temple of sacred ashes, in one of the very first cutscenes you may meet him in, he is shown carrying his own wounded soldier off the battlefield. How he is present in some way for almost every major battle in the game. In practice Cullen is stuck behind a desk for most of the game so the player can talk to him, but you don’t feel like he is a passive observer. You know that when battle rages, Cullen leads from the front because you have seen that happening consistently throughout the story. 

I could even be more concrete and talk about how much Jack manages to develop as a character when you see her interacting with her own gaggle of biotic students in her very own mission. How much care is being depicted in how fiercely she protects those she has come to view as “her own”.

If you don’t think it might be relevant to see Kaidan suffer the migraines we’re told about, think about the gut reaction you have when you see a character like Cullen double over in pain at his desk, how he breaks down, visibly shaking in front of you when he is overwhelmed with the debilitating effects of his condition.

And if you don’t think seeing self-control depicted on screen would be all that impactful, think about how you reacted when you first watched Anders visibly fight to control his power. How his own anger, his own suffering cause him to struggle with his abilities, blue light literally pouring through the cracks in his veneer.  You cannot adapt any of the above mentioned scenes 1:1 to Kaidan. He has neither the perfect asari control of the centuries old Samara, nor do I think he has quite the raw power of a royally pissed off Jack. Kaidan is not afforded the opportunity to walk out on Shepard due to how companions work in the trilogy. Kaidan is not in charge of a whole army like Cullen, nor is he likely ridden with trauma quite as intensely as him, since his pain manifests differently and there are modern treatments available to him. He’s not literally possessed by a spirit, like Anders. But all these characters showcase the potential of how a character can impact an audience. They show what can be visually communicated, when care and resources are spent on portraying a character on screen, rather than purely through dialogue and world building.

4. How did we get here

I promised earlier I’d circle back around to the why of it. For all three games, the causes are slightly different and often the result of what I generally call gameplay or story “technicalities”. That is to say, certain aspects of the game or story are simply constructed in such a way that they do not afford Kaidan (and often by proxy, Ashley) the opportunity to do much of significance, if they get to act at all.

I’ve already mentioned how Kaidan’s morality is entirely malleable in the first game based on a mechanic that has less to do with strong characterization and more to do with affording the player the ability to essentially customize their squad. The same applies to Ashley - though I reckon we see her conversation as a little less glaring since turning Ash into more of a paragon generally aligns her morally more closely with most players, while very few people are likely to enjoy turning Kaidan into a raging xenophobe. 

The first game offers up little opportunity for Kaidan to display either his biotics or his position as Staff Lieutenant of the Normandy. The latter is easier to explain - the marine detail of the Normandy are just NPCs. They aren’t relevant to the story in any meaningful way, so leading them isn’t a particularly relevant job for Kaidan to be doing. In theory it’s incredibly important to keep an entire detail of soldiers in line, especially when the CO decides to mutiny three quarters through the story, but the plot is driven by Shepard and the squadmates, not the marines of the Normandy. Therefore, there is no real opportunity to showcase Kaidan’s abilities as a leader of soldiers. 

The first is a bit more difficult to explain and seems to me like plain oversight. Kaidan doesn’t actually have any character introduction scene. The scene where we first meet him on the Normandy is not his introduction, it’s Joker’s. Joker is being characterized as our snarky, cynical pilot - Kaidan is just the person he is being contrasted against. Every other character on the Normandy has a strong introductory scene. Ashley is seen fleeing the geth, before we see her determinedly reload her rifle and turn back to enact some good old fashioned vengeance. Garrus is first seen arguing with his boss, marking him as a not-by-the-book kind of cop, then established as a crack shot by resolving a hostage crisis with a single precise shot of his pistol. Tali is seen negotiating with shady dealers, shown to be self-sufficient and clever enough to know something is up, characterizing her as intelligent and resourceful. Wrex is hilariously unintimidated by the space cops on the Citadel and thus presented as a certified badass. Finally, Liara is our traditional damsel in distress. And Kaidan… well. Nothing. There isn’t a Kaidan-specific scene in the first game. 

At a guess, Kaidan might have played a bigger role in the cut segments on Eden Prime. For those not in the know, dialogue from the game files indicates that the Eden Prime level used to be longer (look for DanaDuchy’s “party banter” video on youtube and start from around 28 minutes. I had it linked originally, but it seems it prevented this post from showing up). Maybe there was a cutscene somewhere here that introduced new players to the concept of biotics in general and Kaidan’s abilities in particular that eventually ended up on the cutting room floor when the Eden Prime level was shortened. Maybe it’s just a general oversight and it truly never hit anyone that a) new players to the universe might want a crash course in what the heck is up with that space magic thing or b) players might need a strong, effective cutscene establishing Kaidan as a character. 

(Incidentally, that cut dialogue from Eden Prime also states that Kaidan was originally intended to be vegetarian, which is, if nothing else, damn funny in hindsight.)

In ME2 the issue can be summed up summarily as “missing out on content”. Kaidan isn’t really afforded any space to act in the story. The one brief moment of involvement he has in the plot - Horizon - is once again reduced to mere dialogue. The one scripted cutscene he has, he shares with Ashley, in which both are fruitlessly shooting at a swarm of insects, trying to protect colonists, but are immediately and forcefully removed from the plot via convenient sedatives. They only return for yet another dialogue-heavy segment, which a lot of people dislike for understandable reasons, but is to me one of the few moments in which the characters display a firm moral stance. I might hate the scene because I hate Shepard and Kaidan fighting and the dialogue itself leaves a bit to be desired, but I like it in the sense that it provides decent characterization by making both Virmire Survivors stand their ground, even against someone they respect or possibly love. 

To make things worse, thanks to the loyalty mission concept, ME2 was actually the game that best handled its character driven storytelling. Every squadmate is afforded the care and resources of a completely unique mission that tells us something important about them and provides ample characterization through their motivations for the mission as well as its outcome. Liara manages to circumvent the problem of not being there for those loyalty missions by getting her own story-driven DLC, which pushes forward her character development and resolves the lingering tension between her and Shepard, whether in a platonic or romantic sense. Kaidan and Ashley are not afforded the same opportunity. 

Some people have pointed out that it is a positive thing, that Kaidan and Ashley do not need a loyalty mission, that their loyalty is gained organically and through actions throughout the trilogy rather than in one specifically scripted mission. I agree with that interpretation, but it does gloss over the fact that loyalty missions are not just a sign that a character is struggling and needs or wants something from Shepard, but an opportunity to spend time with a character on a mission tailored completely to them. Resources and time are dedicated to their portrayal and in so doing communicate what the character is all about to the audience. And Kaidan and Ashley lacking that kind of content is not a net positive. 

In ME3, the preceding issues are not addressed and compounded by new decisions. The lack of a strong, initial cutscene remains unsolved. Kaidan’s introduction in 3 is short and dialogue-heavy, before he is once again forcefully removed from the plot, so Shepard and Anderson can shoot their way through the combat tutorial. When he reappears to effectively save Shepard with the Normandy, he doesn’t do much more than fire a standard assault rifle at a bunch of husks. He briefly returns for the segment on Mars, where the dialogue begins to meaningfully address the tension that was resolved for Liara in the preceding game, but he is then forcefully removed from the plot a third time, getting punched straight into hospital. Even the Citadel standoff, one of the few scenes the VS gets with some general plot-relevance, is undercut by the fact that it has to accommodate both Kaidan and Ashley - two characters who are very different. This is where the problem with the biotics really kicks off.

You see, the reason Kaidan is never using his biotics prominently during cutscenes is because he shares a majority of his cutscenes with Ashley, who isn’t a biotic. Outside of the few romance and friendship scenes, such as the Citadel dates, cutscenes for the Virmire Survivor have to accommodate two characters who are fundamentally different. Ashley is more renegade, Kaidan is more paragon, Kaidan has biotic abilities, Ashley does not. Their personalities and skills are almost at opposite ends of a spectrum, but because any one player of the series will only ever be able to keep one of them alive, fewer resources seem to have been spent on each character individually and their biggest, most important scenes have to operate on an ambiguous middle ground. Ashley is impulsive, a renegade and only has her gun at her disposal, so if Shepard hesitates to shoot Udina during the Citadel standoff, Ashley will shoot him for them, same as she did with Wrex in the first game. For her, this is a fine scene. But Kaidan in contrast is supposed to be calm and controlled, has a strong paragon personality and a range of abilities at his disposal. If the cutscene reflected him truthfully, this scene could diverge significantly for Kaidan. He might choose not to kill Udina and instead wrap him in a stasis field, both to spare his life and so he can be interrogated. These are options Ashley does not have, so the cutscene can’t go there.

In general ME3 gave me the distinct feeling that a majority of cutscenes are written with Ashley in mind first and then dialogue is adapted for Kaidan. Liara’s comment about the Virmire Survivor becoming “very capable” makes some sense for Ashley, who started out as gunnery chief and was new to serving aboard a ship, alongside aliens and operating in deep space. Ashley was a bit of a rookie in some sense. Kaidan starts the series as an officer, already in charge of a significant number of soldiers. He already had over a dozen special commendations. I’m certainly not offended on behalf of the character, but this commentary doesn’t make sense unless you ignore everything the world building and codex establishes about Kaidan and just see him as any other soldier, some kind of raw recruit who was looking up to Shepard. Instead, it is Shepard who is afforded several opportunities to ask Kaidan, three years their senior, for advice on both tactics and politics in the first game - and Kaidan who looks out for Shepard in turn. Liara’s commentary is simply not reflective of Kaidan’s role in the story up to this point, or his relationship with Shepard. 

His role as Major is undercut on several occasions. After the Citadel standoff, the game briefly forgets that Kaidan outranks Shepard by now, as Joker complains that Kaidan “almost shot a superior officer”. His leadership of the spec ops squad is mentioned and party banter even indicates he finds at least one squad during the game, but we will never meet them. This time I really don’t understand it. I can easily see that you can’t rewrite the entire structure of ME1 to give the marine detail of the Normandy a more active role to play in the story just to better reflect Kaidan’s rank - but I honestly don’t know why there isn’t even a small cutscene involving Kaidan in the Normady’s communications center just talking to his spec ops squad. It’s a huge wasted opportunity to not put names and faces to his students (like we do for Jack). If we don’t have the time or money for a full loyalty mission (which at this point may be sorely needed) that’s one thing. But to choose to ignore the one, cool new thing that is unique to Kaidan, to not spend five minutes on exploring that aspect of his character? It feels like such an obvious problem in hindsight.

His chronic pain barely comes up, which again just feels a bit odd. If you ask me, ME3 is the perfect opportunity to showcase some vulnerability, to display your companions cracking under the pressure of the end of the world. The game does that quite admirably with Shepard, in fact. It doesn’t have to be a scene where he breaks down the way Cullen does, but it wouldn’t take that much to show some of the facade starting to crack. 

You can easily add the issue of self-control to that. It might have been interesting for Kaidan to be put into a situation where that self-control could be on display, where a difficult decision might make or break him. It could intensify his romance, to really portray the emotional difficulty of finally reuniting with the person he watched die after two long years.  

If you ever catch me complaining about the date at Apollo’s or even the scene in the Citadel DLC, this is why. I don’t hate the idea of Kaidan cracking jokes about his Canadian-ness or his fondness for steak and beer. It’s that these are the things the game chooses to spend time on, to spend money on, when the more fundamental parts of his character are left either entirely on the cutting room floor or restricted to off-handed mentions. There isn’t anything fundamentally wrong with having a cutesy home cooked dinner scene. I could and would even argue for the fact that this kind of normalcy is a great contrast for a character who didn’t have much normalcy in his life. What bugs me about it is the knowledge that money and time were devoted to a custom beer clink animation when the character of Kaidan Alenko, after several years of game development and an entire trilogy, does not have a single cutscene where he prominently displays the extent of his biotic abilities. What bugs me is that the lighthearted and fun stuff ends up taking precedence over the deeper, more meaningful cornerstones of his character, rather than flesh out the strong foundation that could already be there. 

Even the fans who really enjoy Kaidan in ME3 seem to be at least tacitly aware that Canadian in-jokes and memes about Kaidan’s fondness for steak and beer feel like a little much. They don’t technically take up that much time - it’s only two cutscenes - but because the character lacks so much on every other front, they become overwhelming. They don’t become a cute contrast of normalcy to a character who has lived a life that was anything but - they become the fundamental cornerstones of his character. They become the thing that people take away from the story. They displace and overshadow everything else that was not prominently featured on screen. And even those of us who have dissected his character to hell and back, who know that a strong foundation is there if you dig deep enough into every codex entry, every smidgeon of dialogue - even we are not immune to the impact of visual storytelling. And even we can end up feeling like there’s a bit too much memeing about Canada, too many discussions of steak and flavors of alcohol. 

In the end - what about Kaidan was visually presented on the screen?

That he’ll spend a disconcerting amount of time aimlessly shooting at insects. That he’ll shoot Udina if you won’t. That he really likes steak and alcohol. Anything else, we just don’t see.

If you take all of this together, is it any wonder the main takeaway from a more casual observer is that Kaidan is some relatively uninteresting, painfully average kind of guy?

5. So what?

It’s one thing to identify the issues and even how we got to those issues, but another thing entirely to provide actual, constructive feedback on how to do things better. So I want to spend the next and longest part of this cry for help thought excercise by finding ways to address the issues identified earlier. I’ve already alluded to a few ideas but I want to bring some structure into it. 

As such, I want to outline a script, an editor’s note of the existing franchise. I want to brainstorm some basic ideas for cutscenes and interactions that untangle Kaidan from Ashley, that give Kaidan a bit of a space to breathe and develop as a character and in so doing, create better contrast for Ashley, making the choice between the two seem a bit more meaningful. 

What I want to avoid is airing my own personal grievances with the way Kaidan was portrayed in ME3. I do not intend to win any arguments over who the “real” Kaidan is. Kaidan is a fictional character who was originally conceived by one writer and then adapted for the third game by another. Small inconsistencies, differences in creative decisions and focus are often unavoidable, so I am uninterested in fostering some kind of bizarre fan civil war. Some people prefer Kaidan in ME3. Some people prefer Kaidan in ME1. I cannot objectively prove which version of the character is better - some fans might never even have felt a tangible difference - so I won’t. And I won’t try and change anything about ME3’s Kaidan that I believe to be my entirely subjective preferences, or result from the kind of differences in style of writing that are inevitable under a new character writer. 

Instead, I aim to limit myself to critiquing only those scenes which I believe don’t so much portray Kaidan as “ooc”, because that can mean something different to every single person, but instead simply fail to portray him at all. The scenes that do not provide strong characterization either way, the scenes where I feel like time and money could have been allocated more wisely. I will try and explain my reasoning for why these scenes are often not bad, but achieve less than they could. 

I also limit myself in what can feasibly be displayed on screen, if we consider that games are made under time and budget constraints. I will not do anything that would require large rewrites of any of the games. I will try to achieve as much as possible with as little as possible and won’t replace quiet, dialogue-heavy scenes with busy, animation-heavy scenes. I will try to think as a game dev and writer might, with the caveat that a) I am not actually in game dev and might over- or underestimate certain issues and b) I’ve had the past 10 years to think about this in hindsight with the input of an active fanbase, which is a very different environment to be in, than a game dev who’s been given a certain number of months to come up with or adapt someone else’s fictional guy. 

This is why I am also uninterested in discussing questions of writing competency, or talk about things in terms of “bad writing”, because I do not feel comfortable rendering that kind of judgment on people working in a field I have no tangible experience in and who worked under conditions so very different from the ones under which I am able to comfortably analyze and critique their choices with a decade of hindsight. 

Ultimately, my proposed edits are just my own personal thoughts, though. The idea behind this is to analyze how you visually represent certain characteristics. If you don’t end up liking any of my proposed solutions, if they don’t really match up your interpretation of Kaidan, I hope they at least provide a decent framework for you to come up with your own. 

With all this in mind, let’s see what we could do to address the existing problems.

6. How to fix it:

I will be writing this segment mostly with a paragon Shepard in mind. Renegade dialogue options are often confrontational or shut down a conversation, rather than extend it, so for now I am uninterested to also include an “and you can tell him to shut up too!” option at every turn. In a realistic scenario I would of course need to script a full dialogue wheel including diverging paths, but this is already embarrassingly long for a thought exercise. When actions, rather than dialogue, are supposed to reflect a specific morality, I’ll accommodate both paragon and renegade options, but for conversations I will outline a simple click-top-right-on-the-dialogue-wheel path.

ME1:

All we really need in the first game is a Kaidan-specific cutscene during Eden Prime, affording him the minimum amount of time and resources that are afforded to every other squadmate in the game. I propose the following: As the team encounters the husks for the first time, during the cutscene where they slowly descend from the dragon’s teeth, Shepard, Ash and Kaidan almost get swarmed. Kaidan manages to pull a barrier around them all, pushing the husks out and smashing some of them against the prefab homes. Combat starts after that. Dialogue back on the Normandy will reference this and Shepard can comment on Kaidan’s extensive abilities. 

I would also plainly cut both the conversations for Ashley and Kaidan that allow a player to modify their morality. This change is not really reflected in later characterization of either VS, so it has become redundant in retrospect. Removing it makes both characters seem less malleable and more firm. Any character development or change they might go through would be on their own terms.

ME2:

I suggest altering the Horizon segment and extending it by a little bit. A lot of this comes down to extending dialogue and adding concrete consequences. 

In the initial cutscene, neither Kaidan nor Ash stand around firing pointlessly at a bug swarm. Both of them attempt to cover the colonists, but upon realizing their shooting doesn’t accomplish much, they follow the colonists, shooting at the swarm once or twice (Kaidan maybe even remembering to use those biotics that he has), but ultimately run with them to the nearest prefab house and hunkering down.  Shepard, partway through the colony, breaks into that exact house and finds themselves face to face and gun to gun with the Virmire Survivor. They are disbelieving, but there is not much time to ask questions, similar to how we first encounter Tali. To gain their trust, Shepard can share the swarm-countermeasure with the VS, at which point the path diverges depending on which VS is alive and if they have been given the countermeasure:

If Kaidan is alive:

If given Mordin’s countermeasure, Kaidan decides to head back out and try to find as many survivors as he can. He has figured out by now that his biotics can slow the swarm down and barriers hold them off effectively (as we see in the suicide mission later on), so he focuses on protecting people. A paragon Shepard will agree with him, a renegade Shepard may try to get him to focus on killing Collectors instead, but ultimately Kaidan is immune to their influence right now and will move forward with his plan.

Later, when hitting the Collector ship, more of the pods will be empty, but the ship is almost fully staffed. Companion banter indicates that Kaidan protecting the colonists has saved more lives than initially thought. More paragon inclined characters will note their approval, more renegade inclined characters will bemoan that it’s a hollow victory if they don’t finish the rest of the Collectors off. Shepard’s agreement or disagreement depends on their own alignment. 

If Ashley is alive:

If given Mordin’s countermeasure, Ashley decides to head back out and shoot as many Collectors as she can. She has enough explosives to blow a decent amount of them to hell and wants to slow them down, so they can’t hit the next colony like they hit Horizon. She lacks the biotic abilities that would let her meaningfully protect the colonists. A renegade Shepard will agree with her, a paragon Shepard may try to get her to focus on protecting colonists instead, but ultimately Ashley is immune to their influence right now and will move forward with her plan.

Later, when hitting the Collector ship, more of the pods will be filled, but the ship is running only a skeleton crew. Companion banter indicates that Ashley going after them has taken out more Collectors than initially thought. More renegade inclined characters will note their approval, more paragon inclined characters will lament that a lot of colonists are dead now to give them this advantage. Shepard’s agreement or disagreement depends on their own alignment. 

After the final battle on Horizon, if Shepard gave the VS the countermeasure, they are slightly more amicable in the ensuing dialogue, but ultimately do not join Shepard, still citing distrust of Cerberus and still not fully convinced Shepard isn’t just a clone or a particularly clever VI. They will say that they will share the countermeasure with the Alliance and bolster other human colonies against the seeker swarms. In the debrief, the Illusive Man will be pretty ticked off for sharing such useful tools with the Alliance, but ultimately agrees since this saves human lives. This will also count favorably towards the Citadel stand-off in ME3. 

If Shepard did not give the VS the countermeasure, they were unable to participate in the fight, forced to remain locked down with the colonists. They are even more distrustful in the ensuing dialogue and do not join Shepard, still citing distrust of Cerberus and still not fully convinced Shepard isn’t just a clone or a particularly clever VI. Without the countermeasure, human colonies will remain vulnerable to Collector attacks, but a renegade Shepard’s reasoning is that they will put a stop to the attacks themselves. The Illusive Man will compliment Shepard on being discreet and sticking to the mission plan, revealing perhaps in some sense that his care for humanity only goes so far. This will count negatively towards the Citadel stand-off in ME3. 

ME3: 

Vancouver

To provide one more, at least marginally stronger initial cutscene for the VS, I would involve them a bit more in the flight from Earth. I would have most of it play out as is but modify the touchdown of the Normandy, giving Kaidan and Ashley something more interesting to do than providing broad, unfocused cover fire.

If Kaidan is alive, he could use his biotics to protect Shepard, raising a barrier and pushing away husks similar to how Jack/Samara can push out the seeker swarms in ME2’s suicide run. This is not just to use the same idea twice - if my proposed scene from ME1 is added, this could be an effective callback. 

If Ashley is alive, she could use her marksman ability (her tactical scores are, according to dialogue in ME1, exemplary!) and protect Shepard from husks with a few well-aimed headshots, similar to how Legion protects Shepard during the derelict Reaper mission in ME2. 

The important thing is to visually portray both characters as distinct, with unique abilities all to themselves.

Mars

I am fine with a majority of the dialogue on Mars (barring earlier criticism of the “very capable” conversation as it applies to Kaidan). 

The main change I propose on Mars is that during the final cutscene where the VS is attacked and almost killed by Dr. Eva Core, rather than shoving Liara out of the way, the VS should be shown visibly protecting and saving Shepard. Dialogue later in the game seems to indicate that this is the scene’s intent. Shepard is later portrayed as concerned, possibly guilty over the VS’ injuries and in some dialogue outright states that the VS “got hurt protecting me”, but this is just not what is reflected on screen. Sure, it sounds like pedantry to even bring this up, but players identify strongly with their avatar and a scene in which a character visibly gives their life for the player’s avatar has a very different impact than a scene in which a squadmate visibly protects another. 

So, in my opinion, it should be Vega helping Liara away from the fire, while Shepard and the VS approach the shuttle. When Dr. Eva Core turns out to be alive and tries to attack Shepard, the VS pushes Shepard out of the way, after which the VS gets grabbed, affording Shepard enough time to get up and into position to fire at Dr. Eva Core. The rest plays out as is. 

This has the added advantage of turning the scene into a more obvious parallel for the events on Eden Prime that kick off the first game. Where once Shepard pushed Kaidan or Ashley out of the way and they had to carry their commander’s unconscious body back to the Normandy, the VS finally gets the opportunity to save Shepard at the risk of their own life in turn. 

(Optional: None of the scenes on Mars can be adapted to truly reflect Kaidan’s biotic abilities without fundamentally altering how they play out. For example, the encounter with the turret would have to be amended considerably if Kaidan could meaningfully impact this scene with a biotic barrier, since it’s a tutorial on how to move from cover to cover. Therefore, I am omitting this. If we want to really be sure that no one shouts “plot hole!” just because, dialogue later in the game can posit how Kaidan was tapped out biotically after the fighting in Vancouver and on Mars and therefore was unable to construct a strong barrier when facing the turret or Dr. Eva Core. But that is rationalization of scenes via dialogue and those things missing are not the games’ most glaring issues. Not when contrasted against the missing visual impact of certain cutscenes. This scene is made impactful by Kaidan being severely injured, being pedantic about how he got put into that position isn’t helpful in this case, provided he has ample opportunity elsewhere to show off his abilities.)

Priority: Citadel

I suggest adjusting the Citadel standoff as noted in one of the earlier sections, with one additional change. The Citadel standoff primarily works for Ashley and in my opinion requires no great adjustment. But I would enable Kaidan to make a different choice. Since the standoff is a big emotional scene I would have it test Kaidan’s self-control and show Kaidan’s biotics flaring slightly when confronted by Shepard, then once again more dangerously when Udina pulls out a gun. In a twist, Kaidan, instead of attacking, uses his biotics to trap Udina in a stasis field, allowing Udina to be taken in alive. Maybe that achieves nothing in gameplay terms, maybe Udina is just not high enough up the chain of Cerberus to carry valuable intel, but it would still show that if pushed, Kaidan will remain calm and controlled, take charge of a difficult situation and try to preserve what life he can as a Paragon would. 

A renegade Shepard can still choose to shoot Udina anyways. This gives the resulting recruitment dialogue more possibilities too. Kaidan can be grateful that Shepard extended the same trust to him that he has extended to them, enabling them to resolve the standoff peacefully. He might butt heads with a renegade Shepard who shot Udina, as his current dialogue reflects. 

By contrast, Ash might butt heads with a paragon Shepard who was hesitant, but might approve of the quick reaction time and decisive action of a renegade Shepard, who shot Udina themselves. 

The standoff can largely function as it currently does because it’s not a bad scene in theory - it’s one of the most meaningful the VS ever gets - it simply needs to provide stronger and more distinct characterization for either VS. Two fundamentally different characters should not be making identical choices. 

The Normandy

To better display the impact of the war on Kaidan and his chronic pain, I would add visible pain to the very first conversation on the ship, the one about his parents. The scene is already suitably heavy and Kaidan is already voiced to be deep in thought and in emotional turmoil, so it wouldn’t take much. Slap in the idle animation from ME1 of him rubbing his head, add a line of Shepard asking him if he’s doing ok and bam! - players can see the stress of the war getting to him. 

There are a number of ways to diversify how this plays out. Maybe a romanced Kaidan puts in more effort to hide his pain, maybe Shepard is shown to quickly cut through his bullshit. Perhaps an opportunity could be offered for a Shepard to reach out and attempt to comfort him in the form of a paragon interrupt, falling into familiar motions from before the Normandy went down. It can be a little tense, a little awkward, a little emotionally fraught. 

Most of those ideas hit better than the very general “there’s strength in camaraderie, in empathy” line. This is the first interaction for Kaidan back on the Normandy. It should be a little more personal than that. 

(Re-) Initiating Romance

In a more controversial decision, I would toss out the dinner date at Apollo’s entirely and replace it. I’ve said that I would not remove scenes based on personal preference and this is one of those cases where I just don’t think the scene provides adequate characterization. 

The basic idea of the Citadel date is a sanity check - a break for Shepard and Kaidan. The restaurant, the food and the drinks are vectors to communicate that idea, but the vector is not the important part, the message is. 

Moreover, while a date is cute, this is the scene that potentially reunites Shepard and Kaidan. Whether we’re talking about a female Shepard who romanced Kaidan in ME1, a male Shepard who was never afforded that possibility but for whom the lingering romantic tension can finally blossom into a real relationship in ME3, or a new player who is trying to make sense of two characters who, romantically or platonically, clearly have a history - this scene is pretty significant. Does a romantic dinner date provide useful contrast or does it undercut the potential emotional intensity of what actually happens? Your mileage may vary, but for me, it is the latter. 

And that is why I propose a change. Kaidan’s love for steak and beer will a) return in the Citadel DLC anyhow, where food and drink are not just a vector of a message but part of a message. Namely they set the backdrop for a moment of domesticity and normalcy, providing a valuable contrast to the rest of the games and their more emotionally heavy, serious scenes. And b) it returns at least one more time as a throwaway line, which is better suited for that. Food preferences are almost always communicated in small mentions at the periphery of a character. Fandom made a big deal about Alistair’s love for cheese, but that’s one, maybe two off-handed lines in the first game. 

(Maybe Kaidan’s original writer was somewhat aware of that idea when he wrote that “I’m glad I’m a vegetarian.” line to play on the sidelines, rather than devote an entire cutscene to it. Maybe it’s entirely incidental. But either way, I think it was the right idea.)

My proposition would be to take that break at a location that is significant to Kaidan and Shepard from the first game. My mind almost immediately went to the scenic view from the wards where Shepard, Kaidan and Ashley first have their moment to just talk. It is the first instance of flirting between Kaidan and a female Shepard, symbolically turning it into the place where their relationship kicked off and making it an emotionally significant location from which to pick that same relationship back up. The locale presents some difficulty from an animation standpoint - the wards weren’t put into the game for ME3 - but the game already reuses assets from the first game when talking to the Council and I see no reason why we can’t do the same here. The location can be polished up with new assets and the view over the ward arms exists in the game, in ME3 you just see it from the docking bay. 

With refugees pouring into the docks and shortly after the coup on the Citadel, this part of the wards could be comparatively quiet, empty streets reflecting a Citadel during war time, with people either spending time with their loved ones or letting loose in clubs. Dialogue could clarify this to set a scene of quiet reminiscing and establish that, just as the Citadel’s residents, Kaidan and Shepard take a moment to spend time with the people that are important to them, platonically or romantically - each other. 

The conversation would be nostalgic, looking back to their first day on the Citadel, reminiscing about Ashley and bonding in their shared grief. Regardless of specific lines, I think a nostalgic, contemplative mood a) reflects Kaidan as a character better, b) has a heavier, emotional impact on the player (esp. with that incredibly sad music that suddenly overshadows the cozy mood of Apollo’s) and therefore better fits into the narrative arc of ME3, c) better communicates the characters’ shared history, both to returning and new players.

The confession can play out rather similar to the original date, but I would support the emotional tone a bit more with animations. Rather than the calm hand kiss we see, I want to showcase Kaidan’s self-control one last time - this time, by breaking, rather than maintaining it. Regardless of whether this is a returning or a new romance, I think I can justify an impulsive, sudden kiss between the two, initiated by either Shepard with an interrupt, or, if missed, by Kaidan, finally and symbolically giving in (possibly once again) to his feelings for Shepard. If Shepard initiates the kiss, it mirrors the kiss in ME1 on the flight to Ilos. If Kaidan initiates it, it becomes a parallel that maybe indicates some measure of character development on his part has taken place - here, at the end of the world, he’s finally, truly letting go. (Can you tell I like parallels?) A harmless flare of his biotic corona underlines this idea and could give rise to a bit of jokey flirting. 

Animation-wise, think Solas’ first kiss in the Fade or Cullen’s first kiss on the battlements. If that’s not in the budget, maybe they can reuse it from the first game? This is where it probably shows that I am not in game dev and therefore cannot properly estimate how easily animations are converted from one game to another, so it’s entirely possible that this kiss is a bigger challenge than I think it is. But a hand kiss is a unique animation too, costs money and time to make too, so I like to think a regular kiss would not be completely out of the question or out of the budget.

One criticism that can be leveled at this idea is that this isn’t as much of a break - not as much of a sanity check as the original date at Apollo’s, but for me, creating strong characterization is more important than sticking to any one writer’s original plan for a scene, even if their original idea was good on paper. If you feel very strongly about the date at Apollo’s, if you have an emotional connection to it, I understand if this seems like an unnecessary and unwelcome change. I hope it’s at least understandable why I think changes like this are valuable, even if any one person does not agree. 

Biotics Division

The only thing we’re missing now is something that adequately portrays Kaidan as an officer, teacher, leader of people. I’ve already said I won’t script additional, animation-heavy content like, say, an entire mission (loyalty or otherwise) and want to come out under or within the current scope. So I am replacing another scene that isn’t fundamentally wrong or “bad writing”, but underutilizing the character. 

I’m specifically talking about the Cerberus debrief after Jacob’s mission. While I think it’s a decent portrayal of Kaidan’s character - he is shown to be introspective, thoughtful and empathetic - I don’t think it adds enough to really justify its existence. Kaidan reflects on Cerberus and comes to the realization that some people in Cerberus might have been “good” people. Which doesn’t seem like the kind of epiphany he needed to have. 

This kind of dialogue implies we’re supposed to believe Kaidan had an extremely simplistic “evil bad people” view of Cerberus as an organization, which undercuts his intelligence. He was already pretty insightful about politics, especially when it came to the distinction of “pro human” and “human supremacy”. Dialogue about Udina, about humanity and its place in the galaxy and his responses to the presidential candidate from Terra Firma already establish Kaidan as savvy enough that he probably shouldn’t be so completely blindsided by the idea that some people working for Cerberus might have been doing so for the right reasons. Several of those people are already on the Normandy, including Kenneth and Gabby, Joker, Dr. Chakwas - and the person he is literally talking to right now. For Kaidan to have this epiphany only now and in such simplistic terms, visibly stumped by a morally complex situation, seems almost condescending. 

In short - ideas are being communicated that a) don’t need to be communicated from a player’s perspective, who is already submersed in the moral complexity of working with Cerberus in ME2, b) wouldn’t be particularly useful in providing context for the new players and c) doesn’t communicate an idea that Kaidan would really be struggling with at this point. And if it doesn’t do any of that, then it seems arbitrary to have it and I feel no great sense of loss by replacing it with a scene that is absolutely sorely needed - an introduction to Kaidan’s spec ops squad. 

With the upgraded communications room and the fancy new blue holographic imaging, the choice feels rather obvious. Shepard gets a message to join Kaidan for a call when they can. Biotics division has made contact with Anderson as they are currently fighting on Earth, who put them through to Kaidan and Shepard.

Shepard walks in mid-conversation as Kaidan is talking to the holographic images of his XOs; maybe Anderson makes an appearance too, bringing them all together. The particulars of the dialogue are once again not that important. I would simply include something that reflects Kaidan’s intelligence and tactical know-how, giving his people advice on things - maybe how to secure rations, maybe how to approach a specific mission. The important thing is - you are seeing Kaidan leading. Some informal banter between him and his squad can cement an emotional connection Kaidan has with his people. 

There’s probably space here for both light-hearted banter/flirting, or other more emotionally heavy conversations about hope, tough calls and the end of the world. Kaidan could reflect on his position and how he feels about it after everything Vyrnnus once put him through. I don’t want to settle in favor of any specific idea because like I said, I don’t want to script out the exact dialogue wheel, but rather set the stage for a general scene that can go a variety of ways, be used in any manner to communicate something fundamental about the character. The important thing is seeing Kaidan having a relationship with his squad and Shepard, not me dictating what that relationship looks like exactly. 

Aaaaand that’s it! There’s nothing else I think is in desperate need of extensive editing. The Citadel DLC scene can remain happily as it is - because now it has become a bit more stand-out, a bit of a better contrast to the rest of the games’ content. Anything else I might note would be based on my own personal preference, rather than meaningfully contribute to visual characterization.

7. The core issues: resolved? 

After all that, let’s do a recap and see what original issues we have addressed and how we’ve addressed them. 

Characterization through biotic abilities: 

Added the display of biotics in all three games, mostly focusing on defensive abilities (barrier, one of his core abilities), showing us a more protective, caring Kaidan. When he uses offensive abilities, it is ultimately in service of protection, which is fitting for a sentinel - the resident tank class. The use of his biotics displays a character who is calm and in control of himself and the battlefield.

Cementing Kaidan’s morality: 

No opportunity to change Kaidan fundamentally. He is his own person.

Paragon morality is depicted in both the main interactions in which Kaidan is presented with a choice - Horizon and the Citadel standoff. When Kaidan is permitted to act, he acts like a Paragon.

Displaying Kaidan’s leadership: 

In ME2, Kaidan is shown doing his utmost to protect the residents of Horizon. That may not be leadership in a military sense, but it does show that he can take responsibility for other people’s lives and take charge of a situation.

In ME3, Kaidan is shown interacting with his students. While we still can’t see him in action without more extensive changes, we can get a glimpse of what he might be like as a leader based on how his troops interact with him. 

Empathizing via pain: 

Kaidan is now shown at least once to visibly strain under his migraines. It also affords Shepard the opportunity to emotionally connect with him in this moment of pain. 

Maintaining self-control: 

Kaidan now showcases strong self-control even in a very tense, high stakes situation during the Citadel standoff, using his abilities to pacify and control the situation, to avoid harm. It becomes an inversion of his original fight with Vyrnnus. Kaidan’s an adult now and he chooses to use his abilities to prevent harm, not cause it.

On the flipside, because he manages to resist the loss of control here, it makes it feel more significant when he finally loses it in the romance scene. It underlines how strongly he feels about Shepard and how liberating their relationship is for him. 

8. I think we might finally be done here

In the end, your mileage may vary on how much you like my proposed changes. I am not the original writer of Kaidan Alenko, I can only give my interpretation of the character and at best speculate about narrative intent. Other fans might interpret characters differently, might prioritize different things. The things that I see, value and love in Kaidan Alenko might not be the things you see, value and love in Kaidan Alenko. The scenes I suggest removing might be so important to you that you can’t get behind the idea of changing anything about them. And that’s ok.

My goal with this… whatever the fuck this is, is not to prove what Kaidan’s characterization is or should be, but to illustrate how characters in video games are characterized and use that technique to construct a characterization for Kaidan. You can use the same thought exercise to come up with scenes that better reflect your Kaidan Alenko. Maybe you really just enjoy the character as he is and don’t think anything needs fixing, in which case, boy I hope you didn’t put yourself through reading this entire thing. 

In the end, I made this mostly for myself, because I enjoyed it as a creative exercise and because in a way it allowed me to exorcize (get it? Exorcize, exercise? ) a lot of the things that have been itching in my brain for the past decade. 

I may in the future fully script the proposed dialogue scenes, as another creative exercise and will happily post them here as well. If anyone else manages to get a kick out of it, that’s fine and dandy. 

And with that, I rest my case. 

TL;DR

Kaidan Alenko is one of the most interesting characters in the Mass Effect universe on paper. Because he lacks a number of character-specific cutscenes, misses large parts of the plot and ultimately shares a large part of his scripted animations with another character, players cannot pick up much of that character while playing the game. Seemingly small parts of his personality, like food preferences, do get screen time and become almost overwhelming, rather than provide additional detail to a well-defined character. The result is a character that requires a not-inconsiderable amount of time and effort spent dissecting dialogue and connecting codex entries to find the real personality underneath. 

[soartfullydone]

No. 30 - DIGGING YOUR GRAVE major character death | left for dead | ghosts Zaeed Massani/Fem!Shepard

I just keep being really mean to Zaeed, huh. Obvious spoilers for the end of ME3.

*

“Did no one think to go back for her?” Zaeed snapped over the comm.

“Anderson was with her,” Kasumi responded, her normally serene voice now clipped and heavy. She wore her hood, her eyes hidden in shadow. “He... didn’t make it, either.”

“That’s not what I’m asking.” Zaeed didn’t want to know if Shepard had been utterly alone at the end. After surviving their suicide mission, all of them together, Shepard dying alone sounded like the cruelest joke. “Her body. Did anyone think to go find it?”

“Zaeed,” Kasumi said, like she was trying to be comforting. Hearing it made him want to take his assault rifle and unload every clip into the comm station until the whole space was nothing but dead lights and stray sparks. With over two-hundred rounds to burn, the effort might make him feel better. “They tried, but there wasn’t—”

“And what the fuck have you been doing, Kasumi?”

It was harder to tell body language with a hologram, but the stiffening of Kasumi’s shoulders definitely wasn’t a glitch in the connection. “Rebuilding, like she would want us to. You weren’t there, either, Zaeed.”

“As if I need bloody reminding!” He threw up a hand in a violent gesture and paced away from the comm, fighting to regain his composure. He was out of range to project his hologram to Kasumi, but she didn’t close the connection. 

“I cared about Shepard, too,” he heard her say. “After everything that woman faced… I know all we had against the Reapers was a shot in the dark, but some part of me didn’t believe we’d actually lose her. Surely, she’d create another miracle.”

Zaeed had thought the same, or at least, he thought he had made peace with the possibility of Shepard dying on Earth. Turns out, he hadn’t. The Reaper assault hadn’t been as bad as it could have been, but it had still been so much worse than any of them had conceived. 

Zaeed returned to the comm. “I need a goddamn drink.”

Kasumi’s lips quirked in the smallest smile. “Pour one for me. And for her.”

The hologram flickered out. Zaeed was as good as his word, foregoing a glass for the entire bottle. The scotch burned as it went down. It didn’t help. If possible, Zaeed felt even worse than he had five minutes ago when Kasumi had delivered the news.

“Fuck!” The bottle shattered on impact against the wall.

His boots crunched over glass as he crossed to his temporary workstation, where a lone, rarely-seen weapon rested. He picked it up with acute reverence. Jessie, his beloved, shitty assault rifle. He knew every ding and scratch on her without having to see them. Felt as useless as she was, too, with her discontinued model, like he was about as washed up as an old mercenary can get. 

There he stood and so was Shepard’s ghost on the edge of his vision, the smile on her face growing the same way it had when he’d first told her stories about the rifle. Barely dead, and already Zaeed was clinging to memories of Shepard the way he did with memories of Jessie. Would those be his new stories?

The first time I met Shepard, I was kicking a Batarian scumbag’s face in. Business as usual, but she was military-type, a Commander, so I thought she would spin me some bullshit about honorable treatment of prisoners. As if the boys and girls in uniform were any better than mercenaries. Instead, she didn’t bat an eye, and I remember thinking then that Jessie might finally have some competition.

The unspoken words tasted like ashes on his tongue, and he didn’t care for it. He didn’t care for sharing his stories about Shepard alongside everyone else’s stories, alongside everyone else’s feelings, exaggerations, and entitlements of her. It wasn’t like with Jessie where no matter what story he told, she still belonged solely to him at the end of the day. Shepard was the entire galaxy’s fucking hero.

So his memories of her would stay his for now. The way she competed with him for headshots on missions. The moment he noticed how pleased she was when he praised her aim, her smile cocksure and her eyes so alive his blood ran a little hotter. The unyielding bearing she possessed that compelled her crew to be brave, how even he was swept into her winning speeches. The frankly embarrassing way she danced that charmed him all the same. 

With sudden clarity, Zaeed remembered the last time he’d seen Shepard in person, the party around them in full swing at her new apartment on the Citadel. How, full of liquid courage, he’d finally admitted to her, “I’ve always thought you were beautiful. There, I said it, shush,” he’d continued hurriedly as her cheeks pinked and her mouth opened to respond. “Don’t say anything.”

Other than that royal fuck-up with Vido that got himself shot in the face, Zaeed’s biggest mistake he’d ever made was not giving Shepard that moment. Zaeed set down Jessie and turned on his datapad, ignoring the new message alerts on the home screen. He pulled up an old message from Shepard, one he couldn’t bring himself to delete, especially now. There was nothing remotely badass about how many times he’d read it, the words memorized, but he was far too old to give a shit about appearances. 

To him, Shepard had written:

I’ve always thought you were handsome. Next time you’re visiting the Citadel, let me know. I want to tell you in person, so we’re even. Then, maybe we can talk more about all this art Anderson left me, or make sure my hot tub won’t fry us both.

Or maybe we can skip all that, and handle this unresolved business between us.

They hadn’t. Zaeed had never gotten the chance to return to the Citadel again before the last stand on Earth. Whatever had been kindling between them had died with Shepard.

Zaeed chuckled bitterly to himself. If only that were true. If only he didn’t feel anything at all, wasn’t already haunted by thoughts of what could have been. 

If only he wasn’t acutely aware of how close he had come to loving a woman more than Jessie.

Kasumi had been wrong about one thing. Somehow, Shepard had created another miracle, and yet...

The Reapers are all gone, Zaeed thought. And the price was you.

[captainderyn]

Fictober Day 12: “You keep me safe” [I Was Lost Without You]

Category: Fanfiction

Rating: Teen and up

Fandoms: Mass Effect (ME3: Leviathan DLC)

Pairing: Garrus/Femshep

CW: Leviathan Spoilers, being trapped underwater

AO3 LINK

—

“Ryn are you sure about this?” Garrus walked alongside his commander, trying to see her expression through the tinted visor of her helmet. Though he could only make out the hint of her eyes, her shoulders were stiff and her steps smiled. She held herself high, shoulders square, every movement measured.

Every little bit her Alliance military background.

Rain coursed down around them, slicking across their armor until it gleamed. Their boots slipped on the metal ground, ocean water lapping over their toes as wave after wave crashed into the platform.

“We don’t have a choice,” Ryn watched Cortez finish up mechanical checks on the rusted, aged ATLAS mech. Her fingers clenched and unclenched at her side, but still she said, “It’ll be worth it.”

The thought of Ryn diving thousands of feet under raging ocean water to find stars-knows-what called Leviathan, in a mech that had seen its best days years ago had Garrus’ stomach roiling. There were too many variables and too many things that could go wrong.

Already they were running through his head, analyzing and compiling into one conclusion: He couldn’t lose Ryn.

They couldn’t afford to lose Ryn. Harsh, clinical—he hated reducing her to her rank alone but…—but true, they couldn’t lose their military commander. Not when she was almost single handedly pulling the war effort together.

“We do have a choice.” Garrus slipped in front of Ryn, halting her for one moment. Cortez was still working and for now things were quiet. Too quiet, his inner voice noted, but quiet nonetheless, “We let this go and find other assets that don’t have such a high risk of going wrong.”

When Ryn rested her hand on his chest he knew there was no arguing. She’d already made up her mind, and his shoulders tensed as a frustrated growl built in his throat. Was she so willing to let everything go for this? He knew she understood the risks, there wasn’t a time when Ryn didn’t.

Whether she listened was a whole other matter. One that he had no high ground to stand on. Not when taking liberties in rules had been his downfall in C-Sec.

“Garrus,” Ryn said firmly, though an edge of pleading flitted in and out of her tone. She wanted him to understand something he didn’t want—but had to try anyway. He put himself in her shoes, imagined the way the weight of the Reaper invasion weighed on her shoulders. The invasion of Earth, the loss on Mars, Reapers encroaching system by system.

He knew it kept her up at night. It kept him up too, but remembered the night’s he’d wake up to see the bathroom light on beneath the door. Her muffled, panicked breaths nearly hidden by the door like she had her face buried in something. And the way she would come out and come back to bed like nothing had happened.

When he’d ask her what was wrong, she’d shrug it off and snuggle deeper into him. He always kept her a little tighter on those nights.

“Garrus,” he looked at her, trying not to let his own building distress at her going down there, the ocean rushing and roaring in his peripheral, cloud his attention, “What if this is the difference between saving you—saving everyone and losing it all?”

Her fingers twitched against his armor, her own eyes jumping to the ocean as a clap of thunder shook the platform. Rain pelted into them, streaming down their helmets until Ryn was almost an indistinct blur in front of him.

“You keep me safe always,” she said softly, “You always have my back and if I don’t do everything I can to make sure nothing bad happens to you…if something bad—“ she cleared her throat and said forcefully as if pouring steel into her spine, “I need to do this.”

In the distance, the heavy sounds of mechs and machines and footsteps approached. Already guns were firing, carrying on the wind to them.

“Commander!” Cortez called, the mech groaning as the entrance hatch opened, “It’s all set when you are.”

Ryn’s hand dropped away from Garrus chest, though briefly her fingers entwined with his with a light squeeze, “I’ll come back to you.”

She came back from Sovereign, came back from the dead, came back from career damnation…”You better.” he squeezed her hand back, “You can’t break your streak now.”

I love you. He thought fiercely, So come back to me. The words lodged in his throat, such a declaration too loaded to just drop like a nuclear bomb. The words had been two heavy every time he’d attempted to say them, the fear of putting one too many things on her shoulders to worry about catching him each time.

He stood behind Cortez as she got into the ATLAS and backed it into the water. The dark, stormy ocean swallowed her whole and obscured her almost immediately.

“So far so good,” The storm and the worn mechanisms of the mech turned her voice tinny and distant, but it was enough to ease the knot building in his chest. Only for it to reform as quickly as it had ebbed.

She continued to give them updates as she went deeper and deeper, as Garrus and Cortez defended the landing area. The enemies that swarmed them worked hard and vicious—pouring from every possible entrance like ants to a scrap of food.

The steady rhythm of his sniper rifle firing and kicking back against his shoulder kept him grounded for now. Even still, the absence of Ryn’s flaring biotics and the snapping of sound as she sent shockwaves out sat between Cortez and Garrus like a gaping hole.

They felt her missing like they were missing a limb.

Then, mid sentence, her voice sputtered and stalled. Something about seeing something, being so far below the surface—

“Ryn?” Garrus demanded right as Cortez added, “Shepard?”

Nothing. Absolute, horrifying, ringing, nothing.

“Ryn?!” As if that would fix anything, as if he could call through ocean depths and get a response. He whipped around to Cortez, “Is the signal still there?”

The blood drained out of Cortez’ face as he checked, Garrus covering him with the ratta-tat-tat of weapon fire.

“The connection’s gone.” He said tightly, fingers flying as he tried to reestablish the connection, “I can’t even register the mech anymore damn it.”

Ringing started up in Garrus’ ears, vision going grey for a moment as he forgot to breathe. He slumped down against the crate he used for cover, clutching his rifle to him, “What do you mean you can’t get the damn mech anymore?”

“I mean it like it’s gone.” Cortez swore a nasty slew of words, “I can’t get any sort of reading on it.”

“Fuck,” Garrus snarled, darting out of cover to fire at the newest wave of enemies. They fell to deadly, furious, precision.

Seconds ticked by.

Then minutes.

Minute after minute after minute, each sixty seconds that ticked by strangling Garrus until he could barely breathe.

The enemies didn’t stop coming. Garrus didn’t know where they kept coming from. Worse than rachni spawning from their nests.

His bones rang from the concussive shot he’d taken to the chest—lucky enough that he’d invested in the better armor, at Ryn’s suggestion.

Still no Ryn.

“Garrus,” Cortez called from the shuttle, testing the repairs he’d hastened to make, “I don’t know how much longer we’re going to last.”

Almost out of thermal clips, nearly spent, freezing cold and shivering. They were walking a very dangerous line.

“We can’t leave her.” He said, “She’s still down there.”

“And she might be staying down there for all we know.” Cortez snapped and silence went taunt between them. Garrus stared him down, body frozen. The shuttle pilot hissed out a breath, “All I’m saying is that if this storm breaks the shuttle again then we aren’t getting off the planet.”

The stars damned planet they never should’ve been on in the first place.

Damn Hackett for sending this information. Damn the stupid scientist and damn Ryn for being so damn selfless.

Garrus dropped his empty sniper rifle beside him, taking up a pistol that had precious few thermal clips in it, “I’ll buy us a few minute minutes.” he determined, already hopping over the crate, “We can spare that much.”

The storm raged around them, battering wind and rain against them and roiling the ocean into a raging monster. Thunder shook through the platform again and again, massive strikes of lightning hitting the water.

When the mech surfaced, they’d almost didn’t see it break through the water.

“There!” Cortez cried out, “Get her—I’ll cover you!”

Garrus was already pivoting, feet slipping out from underneath him on the soaked ground. He caught himself with his hands, already pushing himself up to make a beeline for the mech.

Ryn hit the ground and stayed there. Even as weapons fire dinged around her, smoking against the metal on either side of her body.

Oh please don’t let her just be a body.

He hooked an arm under her and slung her over his shoulders fast enough that he felt something in his back twinge, rushing towards the shuttle.

“Cortez!” he roared over the storm and shots, “Shuttle now.”

“Got it!” Cortez shouted back. He already had the shuttle buzzing as Garrus flung them into it. And before he could steady himself they were shooting into the air.

He caught Ryn as he slid, bracing her against him. She was still so still.

She was soaked to the bone, drenched as if water had begun pouring into the mech. Laying her on the ground, he pulled off her helmet.

“Shit,” he swore. Her skin was pallid and slicked with water, her hair plastered to her neck and forehead. Cold tinged her lips blue.

His hands slipped on her armor as he fumbled for the clasps, stripping away the pieces of her chest and arm armor until he met her under layer. That too was clinging to her skin, waterlogged.

She was freezing.

She shivered, the first movement he’d seen from her and he lunged towards the on-flight medical kit, yanking it down from the wall. Inside there was an emergency blanket and he shook the foil-like material out.

Ryn coughed, shivering and racking, and spat out water. She wheezed, forehead resting against the floor as she emptied salty water from her lungs.

At her side in an instant, Garrus helped her sit up and wrapped her tightly in the blanket. She keeled over against him and he held her tight, rubbing his hands up and down her arms to try and warm her up.

His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest and the relief was going to make him sick.

Ryn shook too hard to speak, but her hands—fingers stiff and pale—grasped at him.

“Never again,” he whispered against the side of her head, squeezing his eyes closed, “Never again, Ryn.”

The worst were empty—they were in war as soldiers. There was always going to be another time. Another question mark, another panic.

He clutched her tighter, until her quaking began to ease and some warmth came back into her body. And then he held her anyway, staring hard at the wall and trying not to let himself wander down the path of what almost had been.

It was inevitable.

[meatbag-status]

[thelearnedsoldiertoo]

Beedeux Art Dump, Pt. 2!

Alright, with the two big spoiler pieces out of the way, time for the rest of the art done by the ever-fantabulous @beedeux

!

Context will be included as before! ^-^

First up is someone who by now’s an old friend on this blog; General Anara Len, here near the end of the Clone Wars in full uniform. Anara is a veteran officer who’s served the Republic faithfully since 36 BBY, enlisting as a Judicial infantryman and fighting in the Yinchorri Uprising, the Open-Close War, and taking part in the police action surrounding the Naboo Crisis. By the time the Clone Wars broke out in 22 BBY she was a Major in command of a reconnaissance Battalion with close ties to prominent politicians that enabled her to skirt around the increasing anti-alien sentiments of the late-era Republic.

Serving with distinction throughout the conflict, Anara finished the War as a Lieutenant General after Order 66 killed her Jedi Corps Commander, and would go on to serve for another ten-odd years as commander of the 42nd Army and one of the only Alien Generals during the Dark Times of the Empire, before Imperial Decree A-SL-4557.607.232 functionally legalised slavery and the writing on the wall became too blatant to ignore; with a moral event horizon firmly crossed, the compromises she’d made in the name of duty became unbearable and she defected to the budding Rebellion to atone.

From Mass Effect: Legacies, a Forum RP that very very quickly had virtually nothing to do with Mass Effect(as any RP that started after ME2 but before ME3 was inevitably going to do, especially with multiple years-long timeskips), and since repurposed as a general sci-fi OC, Lily LaChance is a pickpocket and con artist who basically started life as a street rat and then just kept doing that indefinitely into adulthood.

And yes, she’s gay. xD

From the same Star Wars game that brought you Anara Len, Nyx, also known at times as “Girly” and “That Little [Expletive]” is a young Melodie from Yavin 8, which the unit encountered while racing a Separatist-backed unit of Jedi-hunters to the location of an ancient Sith Academy which turned out to contain...a lot of bad shit. Nyx wound up adopted by one of the party’s Jedi after displaying intense force sensitivity and an affinity for telepathy, and survived the Purge mainly because said Jedi lost faith in the Order long before it fell and Nyx was safely ensconced in their home on Telos when shit hit the fan.

I’ll get into it more in a moment, but one of her driving motivations was simple curiosity; a desire to see the galaxy and not become trapped like the rest of her people.

As mentioned, Nyx’s driving motivation was to avoid being trapped like the rest of her people, and hopefully you can see why; at age 20, her species transforms drastically, becoming severely more aquatic and unable to breathe above water. On their native Yavin 8, that means sliding into the oxygenated waters of an underground lake deep in the mountains, never to leave, as the planet is infested with megafauna that love nothing more than eating her people when they’re caught aboveground.

On making it off-world, Nyx, using her experience she’d already gained as a mechanic scavenging wrecked ships, speeders, and droids from crash-landings on Yavin 8, worked with her adopted family to create a mobile water tank that slotted into a heavy mech-suit designed from the chassis of a CLL-8 Binary Load Lifter. Now able to explore at her leisure--not only because of her mobility aid but because who the hell is gonna say ‘no’ to a mermaid in a mechsuit--she cautiously followed her dream to explore the galaxy, aware of the dangers the Empire posed. Siding with the Rebellion in part because she’s a bit of an adrenaline junkie, in part because she’s morally opposed to the Empire, and in part just because a post-Empire world is one she’s a lot more free to explore, she brings heavy firepower to missions, laying down suppressing barrages of highly-deadly plasma or launching light concussion missiles out of the pod on her mech’s shoulder. The size of the vehicle makes close-quarters difficult and she’s no match for a dedicated walker, but most of the time she acts as close support on landings(it can fly), improvised air support when no fighters are present, and to cover exfiltrations under fire.

Back to Legacies, Mstislawa “Misty” Gnieweka is a member of the Combined Attican Syndicates’ militia, a semi-professional all-volunteer fighting force aimed at self-defense. The Syndicates(CAS) are an Anarcho-Syndicalist union of Communes and Labour Unions who fought--and won--a bloody war of independence against the Alliance, who had become corrupt and authoritarian in the decades since the events of the games.

Carving out a slice of free soil in the farthest-flung human colonies, the CAS employ volunteer militias with elected officers, of which Mstislawa counts herself a part, an elected squad leader in one of the elite sniper battalions of the Union.

Snarky and easygoing, Mstislawa is tall and brawny to boot, and is hardly the platonic ideal of a sniper--though that hasn’t stopped her from accumulating an impressive track record, primarily fighting fascist paramilitaries in the lawless Terminus that view the CAS and Alliance alike as their natural enemies.

Still in Legacies, Catherine “Hush” or “Cat” Li is an Assassin born to a pair of slaves mining Eezo in the Terminus. When her mother was exposed, the Batarians that owned them took them off the line in hopes the child would be a biotic they could use as a frontline soldier--instead she was born powerless and permanently mute, with a malformed laryngeal nerve.

Adopted by the doctor that delivered her in a crisis of ill-advised conscience, she was raised by a sad drunk on Omega and barely survived to adulthood--eventually settling on a personal philosophy of self-reliance and social independence, she became a professional killer and gun for hire, deadly with monofilament shuang dao and her pistols, and with a reputation both for ruthlessness and integrity--and as a complete and utter show-off.

Knowing she’s well above the skill level of many of her opponents, Li tends to engage in an overly-acrobatic combat style; kicks and flips and cartwheels that give her a reputation as obnoxiously Extra™. Which she is. She 100% is.

Also @agigabyte calls her “Cat Litter” and I find that fucking hilarious.

Back around to Vi, who you may remember from part one, this is her about three seasons and two years before that picture; when she was still finding her footing as a Superior. An ardent pacifist, Vi’s moral philosophy is frequently at odds with her eldritch-flavoured powers(become goo, shapeshifting, envelopment and possession--basically if Venom was both Symbiont and Host), though when push comes to shove, she’s more than happy to demonstrate to unrepentant scum why the saying “good is not nice” gained traction.

Pivoting over to 5e for a moment, Ardor Kilrain is a nakedly self-interested Tiefling Pirate and Bard, with a firmly Chaotic Neutral(and honestly teetering on the edge of Chaotic Evil at times) moral philosophy that simply asks; “What’s in it for me?”

Willing to wheel, deal, and steal for her payday, she could sometimes be mistaken for having a heart of gold, but it is at best a heart of bronze or copper. That said, her six Wisdom often leads to her being the butt of jokes, rushing into things without considering them and saying things before her mouth has had a chance to catch up, which I suspect is why her predatory moral philosophy hasn’t concerned anybody yet(oops?). A swashbuckler, a coward, a cheat, and a liar, she is one of my favourite DnD characters I’ve ever played.

And yes, she’s gay too(and Scottish!)

I know this probably looks like it’s another 5e OC.

It’s not. This is Star Wars. She’s a Chironian, which are exactly what they sound and look like.

I love this setting.

*ahem* Bia Hişa was a member of her Clan’s Honour Guard back on Chironia, and was more-or-less content...until an offworlder ship crash-landed, and the survivors were taken captive while the elders discussed what, if anything, to do with them.

Instantly smitten with a young woman amongst the crew, Bia was one of the most vocal voices for leniency, and when the Clan decided on Exile, she left with them rather than stay behind, wanting to follow her by-now lover and explore the galaxy.

Unfortunately then she found out she hated--hated--space travel, and begged to be let off at the nearest port. Still in touch long distance, she found herself on Taris right about the time the player cell was there building up support, and merrily joined up, recognising oppression and injustice for what it was and wishing to do what she could to right that wrong.

While she might look out of place on a sci-fi battlefield, the Chironian’s rifle-halberd(I love the design of this thing so much) is a lethal weapon in her hands, especially when paired with a charge--during a battle on Stygeon Prime she wiped out an entire platoon of Stormtroopers in an alarmingly short time, and I’m pretty sure the party is finally convinced that, given enough open ground to work with, she’s one of the most lethal members of the crew.

Which was always the case but whatever. xD

And finishing out with a bang it’s Atsuko “Atso” Kumaki; a Fallout OC from a game that got cancelled and has since been revived as the next one after we wrap our Clone Wars campaign(we all need a breather from the serious and grim right now), Atso is as close to a Paladin as I think it’s possible to get in Fallout; a native of the Hub who idolised the concept of the Knight-Errant, she forged her own armour, shield, and weapon, with a tower shield tough enough to take anything shy of anti-tank weaponry(and honestly even some of that), armour sturdy enough to blunt all but the nastiest melee attacks(gorget, stomach armour, armoured skirt, and a padded cloth gambeson), especially from the poorly-maintained knives and clubs most raiders sport, and a naginata equipped with a shish-kebab attachment.

But despite all that she’s no fool; that strap across her chest is for a repeater shotgun strapped across the other side of her back, and that’s also what that hole in the shield is for. So don’t think you could beat her just because you’ve got a firearm! :P

[crouching-mouse]

just a little Mass Effect ficlet

As you may have noticed by the Mass Effect art I reblogged the other day, I finished the Legendary Edition recently and got hit by a truckload of feels I wasn’t prepared for - feels I haven’t felt so strongly since the first time I played the trilogy. I spat out this little fic as a bit of catharsis for myself. There’s more to this story in my head, as it’s part of my headcanon for my first and favorite Shepard (Casey Shepard, engineer, colonist/sole survivor, paragon), but I don’t know if I can commit to writing another long-ish fic right now.

Still, I’m pretty happy with what I wrote. I don’t feel like it’s “enough” to put on AO3 as-is, but I figured maybe Tumblr would be a good place to drop it for now. I might come back and add more to this someday, but I hope you enjoy what I have!

I’ll stick the story under the cut~ Massive spoilers for the end of ME3.

~~~

Shepard awoke with a gasp.

The first thing her mind registered was the darkness surrounding her, a darkness so complete that she couldn’t tell up from down, wasn’t even sure whether her eyes still functioned.

Next came the pain. It crept up slowly at first, like her body wasn’t certain of it, but soon enough pain rippled through every inch of her, aches and burns and stabbing that flared in tandem across her entire body.

Each ragged breath she sucked in felt like a knife being slid through her ribcage. Her limbs were heavy as lead weights. Concerningly, her left leg was numb and lifeless.

Her eyes began to adjust to the darkness, but all she could make out in any direction was rubble. The taste of blood and dust was thick on her tongue, and her mouth was too dry to swallow or spit; between that and her pained breaths, she felt like she was choking.

Her thoughts were hazy, unorganized. The last thing she remembered was firing her pistol at the power conduit that ran through the heart of the Crucible, and the wave of heat from the explosion that had engulfed her.

Then it was done. The war was over...or, was it? 

Shepard tried to move again, tried to at least prop herself up with one arm, but she cried out in pain as it buckled under her weight, the jolt of her weakened frame hitting the ground sending a shockwave of agony through her body. She drew in a breath to try and call out to the void for help, but it was stunted by the stabbing pain from her chest, and all that came out was a crackling whisper.

Her vision was starting to grow hazy, and she could feel her mind grasping at her remaining consciousness. Clouds of dust swirled around the rubble, creating strange patterns in the air; the wind that gusted through the ruin grew somehow louder and quieter all at once.

She was so tired. Mind, body, and soul, completely spent. She wanted more than anything for the chance to rest, just for a moment. Maybe now was the time, now that she didn’t have anything left to give.

Shepard let her eyes fall closed. A comforting darkness began to envelop her mind, her consciousness. It felt like a warm blanket being drawn over her frigid body, a relaxant to her aching muscles. She heard the whispers calling her again like they had in her dreams, and knew she’d be joining them soon.

But a new voice spoke out among them, so much louder than the others. Not a shout, but clear as a bell, steady and sure, like it was directly beside her.

Come back alive. It’d be an awfully empty galaxy without you.

Her eyes fluttered open again and darted around as if searching for the voice, but it was still only her, alone in that wasteland. Tears pricked at her eyes from the painful exertion of each breath, or maybe from the sudden pang of longing that struck her very core. Her mind cried out for the peaceful rest it had been wrenched from. Respite was so close. 

But she’d already resolved herself, one last tiny act of defiance flaring up within her.

It wasn’t time yet.

With great effort, she lifted a shaking, blood-covered hand and activated her omni-tool, which flickered unsteadily to life and cast a soft orange glow, like a miniature sun surrounded by the darkness of space. The interface was damaged and glitchy, but miraculously still functional. With some tinkering, she managed to activate the emergency distress beacon, which simultaneously sent a tall beam of light straight up from the omni-tool and broadcast an automated, looping radio signal out into the immediate area.

Then she let her arm fall to her side, leaned her head back against the piece of rubble that served as a hard, cold pillow, and focused just on breathing.

A long time ago, in another life, she’d learned how to meditate. Nothing spiritual, just a useful technique taught to a traumatized girl who’d lost everything and everyone she’d ever known; as a way to ground her in the present when the panic set in, a way to remind her that she was still alive. Breathe in, slowly, and breathe out. Focus on nothing but the sound and feeling of your own breath.

It would sound crazy if she told anyone, but in times of crisis, that was how she kept her head on straight. Block out the distractions, and just breathe. Right now, it was all she could do.

She fought to keep her eyes open as the darkness returned, tugging at the edge of her consciousness. A chill raced through her body as the wind gusted across her broken frame. Dust settled in her eyes, collected in her nose and mouth, but she ignored the pain and irritation and continued to breathe, though every inhale was more of a challenge than the last. It helped to remember each breath had a purpose.

As long as she could still breathe, she was alive. And as long as she still lived, there was hope.

Though her vision began to fog and her limbs trembled from the cold, Shepard maintained her focus, narrowing her existence to the rise and fall of her chest. And even as reality grew hazy and uncertain around her, her determination never wavered.

For as long as she could, she would keep breathing.

[crqstalite]

tired.

keeping a running list of mods i’ve come across or are looking at getting for me3 (yeah that game i’ve been yelling about for like,,, days). can use as a reference for your own shopping adventures on nexus. i do not use me3explorer (as i’ve said before and you’re probably tired of hearing me say it) or texmod.

is also more a reference for me (or a very disorganized essay or sorts), who’s been at this for like eight hours + some one off days with little success and more confusion than truly necessary (all while mildly distracted by andromeda and stories because it’s been a while since i loaded kodee’s save) now just trying to figure out what’s compatible and whats not. will update if i find new story mods i like.

priority earth overhaul mod (peom) conflicts with backoff. updated with backoff’s page as not to be used all together, though remains only as a minor issue on peom’s page. unsure of what it really is, but erring on the side of caution and writing it off all together. -fixes a lot with (obvs) priority earth. mulling over whether it’d be worth it. -unsure of whether i’d be overriding things by using LIME.

project variety conflicts with backoff. disappointed that it does conflict because of how much it adds, but i’m not smart enough to go messing around in the files and not expect a reprisal down the line. -project variety in general has a few issues i don’t think i could fix myself if need be. still mulling over whether i should install it or not, though it looks very nice.  -an issue with the spectre dlc mod is apparently the culprit for ontarom. because im not using the spectre dlc, not acknowledging this, but is good to know.

backoff itself does look very promising, hence why i may be willing to overlook peom and project variety for it alone (giftifish is very talented -- and concerned i may run into the problem with citlali because i’m just too nice to kaidan in general lol). my only concern is the removal of a couple scenes on earth with kaidan, (i think its a problem of it being too romantic for a shepard with a me2 romance but as you guys know me, none of my shepard’s have cheated) but as noted earlier, to be seen if this is really an issue. -at the moment looking for their release notes as advised. spoilers or no, i do like my kaidan romance and am curious to see what it changes. -update: it looks great. probably will install just for all the romance changes in general. just need to remember to save a lot when kaidan’s involved, ‘less i accidentally break up with him. -noticed that it updates all the romances to just run better in general. wow.

thanemod conflicts with a myriad of mods, which is understandable due to the story requirements to keep thane alive anyway. little disappointed that i can’t use it with some of them but not frustrated. if you’re not sure whether it conflicts, probably a good idea to hold off on installing it. -there is a third version of it coming. keeping an eye out for whenever it’s released, may start a thane romance once it is just for fun. -requires heavy usage of me3explorer. the mod author is very good at what they do, they’re documentation is honestly amazing, and had i not been the absolute monkey brain that i am, i probably could figure it out with little trouble. unfortunately i am monkey brain. -egm does specifically say in the mod description not to use me3explorer as well. consider the decision carefully, as i’m not sure what it changes if you do.

john p’s alternate ending mod (JAM) doesn’t have any conflicts as far as i’m concerned except with other ending mods (which checks out obvs), but does have quite a few issues that haven’t been fixed since 2016 and can make the endgame (catalyst) impossible to play. included with both version A and B, though there isn’t much of a consensus on which mods cause this issue. since i have a few mods on the list, i won’t be using this version. -the less is more ending mod (LIME) skips over these issues i think, will update this in the case i finish a playthrough with it. mostly installed just for the ending.    -there is an install issue with the citadel epilogue mod (CEM) that could be had if installation is incorrect. noted, but i don’t have the citadel dlc anyway. -personally like these mods more than the original mass effect happy ending mod (MEHEM) just because mehem is a little corny at times and a bit immersion breaking. to each their own, though.

expanded galaxy mod (EGM; page is down right now for updates as of 7.24.20) works with just about everything, as far as im concerned, except recalibrated. which honestly makes sense, so no complaint there. great mod, adds a lot to the game and isn’t immersion breaking in the slightest. - [as of 7.24 and update 1.47] there is a sort of known issue (i say sort of because i’ve seen three or four other posts on either mod that details a similar issue as mine) with the femshep’s closet mod that i haven’t been able to figure out. long story short, it glitches during the last romance scene and causes a few issues that could be described as game-breaking (invisible shepard/default shepard). the consensus is currently to disable the intro file prior to starting the cerberus hq mission. update to come once i figure out if this fixes the issue.

same gender mod is...questionable. a few mods i’m under the impression it works with (egm i think). ones like thane’s and backoff, not so much. i don’t believe it works with recalibrated or better dreams, and i don’t have a running list for mods that conflicts with. for a pretty much vanilla playthrough (like me, when i simply installed it to play with annika and ashley) without any other mods, it works fine. keep in mind most romance mods assume vanilla romances, not ones that can be achieved with mods.  -i only say this because the spreadsheet giftifish has mentions their mods only acknowledge vanilla romances. i figure this applies to all romance mods.

better dreams seems to work with everything i’ve come across except the same gender romance mod. will probably install just because i’m not a huge fan of the starchild.

a lot of textures for me3 (ALOT) does seem to have some issues that can be pretty easily explained, but as always, install it after all of your content dlc mods regardless. -it seems there may be an issue with project variety and possibly even backoff, but seems like minor issues that may be caused by other mods or a problem with installation. unsure, will update.

keep in mind a majority of these require a fresh me2 import. i’m not sure what they do for new me3 campaigns or NG+s, but i won’t try my luck lest it breaks my game entirely.

[pixelpoppers]

Q.U.B.E. 2 and Binary Ending Choices

After how much I loved Q.U.B.E: Director's Cut, it was a foregone conclusion that I'd be playing Q.U.B.E. 2 - even though my favorite thing about Q:DC was the story and Q.U.B.E. 2 did not have the same writer. I expected to be disappointed, but had to give it a chance anyway.

When I played it, I was unsurprised to find that most aspects of the game are polished and improved over its predecessor, but the story is (unsurprisingly) worse. I wrote an overall review but I also want to talk about something it does structurally. It's something a lot of games do, but Q.U.B.E. 2 serves as a sterling example of how badly it can go. I'll avoid plot details, but structural spoilers follow.

Q.U.B.E. 2 is not a game about choices. It's a game about manipulating cubes to solve physics puzzles. And then at the very end, you have to make a choice. In an unfortunate and presumably unintended echo of Mass Effect 3, you choose between the red ending and the blue ending. (It could almost function as an indictment of the way ME3's final choice obliterated all choices before it, since here there are no choices before it and it still works the same way.)

Why do this in a game like Q.U.B.E. 2? This isn't like inFAMOUS 2 where each ending is the natural culmination of its own story. There's no "other way" to play the game a second time - there's just the same puzzles you've already solved.

Making it worse is that the game seems designed to lock you in to an ending on a given playthrough. Once you've chosen your ending, seen your final cutscene, and watched the credits scroll by, you get put back to the main menu - without a "Continue" option. Or a "Chapter Select." Q:DC had both of these, letting you jump right back in to the ending sequence or revisit any chapter of the game. But here you just have "New Game", as though your save file had been deleted entirely. The game doesn't seem to want you to be able to watch both endings without forcing a full replay of the same damn puzzles.

That might be reasonable if the endings were equally valid and just let you choose your own story a la Heavy Rain, but here one ending is unambiguously good and the other is unambiguously bad. The story as written doesn't really justify either one - I was pretty confident which one was going to be the good ending but I wouldn't fault someone who tried the other one first. The game sure would, though! It'd slap the player with a dark, unsatisfying ending and then demand they replay the entire game if they wanted to correct their lone "mistake" and see the better ending. (Thankfully, you can get around this by just backing up your save file right before making the final choice, but you have to know in advance that you need to do this.)

That's bad enough, but here's the cherry on top - there's an achievement for getting each ending. So after going to all this trouble to lock you in to your chosen ending, the game itself still signals that you should see both of them!

This is even sillier on PlayStation, because they screwed it up. PlayStation games have a "platinum trophy" which is a sign of full completion - it's not tied to a specific action like other trophies, but is instead awarded for getting all the other trophies on a particular game. Whoever picked the trophies for Q.U.B.E. 2 apparently didn't get that memo, thought it was just a particularly valuable trophy, and tried to attach it to the good ending. So on PC and Xbox One the good and bad endings each have their own achievement, while on PS4 only the bad ending has a trophy. The platinum trophy's description says it's for the other ending, but that's not how platinum trophies work. This does kind of give away which ending is the good one - and it also means that only the bad ending is required to fully completely the game!

Q.U.B.E. 2 is a solid first-person physics puzzler, but I wouldn't recommend playing it for the story. It's hard for me to imagine how the ending design could be any more player-hostile.

[smoothintheshell]

I finished Mass Effect: Andromeda ;P

Don’t read if you don’t want to risk spoilers. I can never tell when something is a spoiler or not. Unsure if I did spoil anything? Don’t read! You have been warned.

Are you sure you want to continue? Last chance to back up..

Ok, then. I’ll ignore any complaints about spoilers. You have been warned again

I ended with:

Origin says: +/- 56 hours

In-game says: +/- 69 hours

Difficulty: Normal

Everyone is loyal

Romanced Jaal ( I can guarantee that the sex scene won’t disappoint  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))

Level 57, I think. I closed the game. Can’t remember but it was in the 50′s.

I don’t think I’ll be doing NG+. I think I bugged the game a little.

I played with the default Sara, just to start things out.

So, basically, it all depends on how you play. For example, I left behind around 10 or so Tasks (little side-missions) so I can’t say it’s a complete game. I also didn’t unlock all of the crafting recipes so there is a lot to account for. Meaning that my game time isn’t set in stone. But you can easily reach 100 hours in a single gameplay. For comparison, ME3 with all it’s DLC on normal: 50 hours. ME:A doesn’t have any DLC and it’s around 70 hours. So yeah. It’s big.

As for Shepard, there are references to her (mine was a female) but if there was any mention of her gender, I either missed it or nobody talked about it. But you will get the timeline straight, if you don’t understand when the game is set but it’s much later in the game. Oops, spoiler :P. Sorry.

My opinion (again, my opinion)  is that Andromeda is both a mashup of all previous Mass Effects with a bit of it’s own. You can explore after finishing the game. I’m not going to now but I’ll probably do a complete game this time around xD. With NG+, I hope.

It is a MASSIVE game. There is a lot to explore. The Nexus Level is capped at 22, I believe. So much that It started to show the remaining points to the next level as negative (around -1200 or something like that).

If you play with the Default Appearance AND Name, your Ryder will sometimes be referred to by his/her first name outside of e-mail. Meaning that in certain dialogues, for example, I was referred to as Sara.

ASIDE FROM THE OBVIOUS ANIMATIONS GLITCHES, this won’t make you stop playing. I saw several glitches and I couldn’t let go of the controller. I really couldn’t. The CC may be limited now but that shouldn’t stop you from playing. Heck, I would have changed several things but that didn’t stop me from playing. It never will.

I couldn’t play in Ultra, which is pissing me off, but it get’s pretty heavy in some areas. FPS drops and such.

I could say more but then I’d be spoiling more than I already am xD.

Hope you enjoy the game as much as I did 8D.