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papirouge · 1 year

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Papi, sorry but I do think the Karen meme has gone too far...

I was literally just reading about this case about a "Karen" who tried to steal a bike from a group of young black men. She even cried at some points while trying to hold onto the bike, saying she was scared for her fetus. Everyone in the comments on YouTube, Reddit, etc. were calling her an entitled Karen, said she was weaponizing her tears, calling her mysogynistic things and made fun of the fetus comment. They doxxed her, sent her death threats, got her fired from her job and left horrible reviews on her husbands business.

Turns out later when more info came out that it was in fact the black teens that were robing her bike, and when she refused to give it, they decided to film her to paint her on social media as a racist and a robber. She is also six months pregnant, and came from a 12 hours long shift, thus probably why she was so emotional when she confronted them.

But everyone was eager for another racist Karen being shamed and ridiculed. And this is the thing: many people literally use the Karen thing as a excuse for being mysogynistic. There were comments by men saying how women, no matter the race, weaponize their tears against men all the time, even in court, and how men never did it because nobody cares about men. There were talks about female privilege, and how too many women grew up entitled and never being told 'no'. There were others making fun of the fetus comment, how she cared too much about a 'clump of cells' or an unborn fetus. A man who stated he was overweight even said he was going to start telling people he was pregnant as a way to get out of bad situations like women do, with many upvotes.

Like, i'm not saying there shouldn't be a term for racist white women, but why a name?? There are many nice women named Karen, hell, i know a black one whos so kind and smart yet she feels embarrassed by it nowadays.

Anyways, it scares me a little how much some men hate women. Like, this made me find out about a story where an 11 year old little girl was punched in the face by a grown man after she pushed him. Everyone on Reddit was defending the man, saying how she deserved it because she pushed him first,making jokes about "pussy pass denied" and calling her a bitch. Turns out the man actually had harrassed her first, and only uploaded the video from the part she pushed him (out of self defence). But everyone was celebrating, because apparently a lot of Reddit men love videos were women (and girls) are beaten?

Anyways, one thing I find weird is how a lot of black women cape for black men. I saw some on the comments of the first case, a black lady talking about how the white woman was weaponizing her tears and all, framing innocent black boys, and then when confronted with the truth, she just defended herself saying she was scared for her little brother and thats why she jumped to conclusions. But ive never seen black men care much for black women, in fact, i see them criticizing black women a lot and blaming them for the failings of the black community.

I mean, when the Meghan Thee Stallion case was going on, I saw both black men AND women defend the guy that shot her, and how she shouldn't let a brother go to jail. But black men never have the same energy for black women.

I'm not gonna pretend like the men from my racial group aren't super sexist, they are, but at least they do defend 'their women'.

Well, sorry for the wall of text and for being all over the place, could be the fucking autismo.

What you really need to understand anon, is that there's a difference between the viral Karen meme, and crusty scrote who jumped on the last bandwagon and started using it left and right for the worst.

(White people did the exact same with "woke" btw).

My problem is Whitefem and their mule acting like they were one and the same and that the OG Karen meme at the same mean spirited/misogynist intent as the second wave.. i HATE how Whitefem want to control the narrative and pretend knowing better than the actual people who made Karen viral what it truly meant. By brushing the whole karen meme as misogynist/racist they conveniently swipe under the rug the VALID criticism of the (Black) community that made that meme viral in the first place. This maliciousness hidden behind fake empathy is what disgusts me the most. White women will NEVER accept accountability. Never. Look at them girl bossify literal serial killer, murderers and abusers just because they're White women (interestingly you never see them doing so for non White female criminals 🤔). And when they do evil shit, oh it's their bIoLogY or "reactive vIolEncE"..... BYE

Look at yourself, anon. You bring this story of that poor women unfairly treated....but could you reflect WHY you'd never have the energy to remind "anti Karen Whitefem" stories of Black people who got as much unfairly treated on their shitty "anti Karen" think piece?? How unfair it is to lump legitimately frustrated people of color to misogynist scrotes just bc they vented against a manipulative White woman? Why would White women facing injustice somehow override the plentiful of other people who's only crlme is giving a funny nickname to racist White women? Why would the collectivity of people who experienced the direct threat of racist White women appease the handful of cranky White women by policing their own slang? Think about that.

Tell the scrote to shut up about Karen as much as you want, but leave those who knew how to use it with actual purpose alone. Men will always find ways/words to mock and abuse women. Karen is just a tool for them. Acting like the medium was the problem is ridiculous.

Why not? Black women being named "Karen" are definitely a thing but interestingly, those aren't the one whining crying throwing up about how aKtcHualLy the Karen meme is misogynist and that "I'm the biggest victim" self-pity party

One should never side that hard against anyone over a viral video. But could we stop acting like White women weren't out there siding with their racist male counterpart everyday ? I lost count of all the white women simping haaaard for White men exposed for killing Black men. But since you see Black women closer to "masculinity", you point that out only for us 🙃

I'm not gonna pretend like the men from my racial group aren't super sexist, they are, but at least they do defend 'their women'.

That's totally true. Black men are fucked up. I will never try to find them excuses, but no other race had to bear with centuries of slavery and colonization where the only come up was elevating or being related to whiteness. It entirely reverted the male/female dynamics in the Black community, where men, instead of providing for women, started to seek to elevate themselves with the closest thing they had to whiteness = white women. Average Black men are fundamentally hypergamist and "female" in their behavior.

Black women naturally still cling to 'their' men but it's hardly reciprocated. Hence the frustration of many Black women of feeling rejected by their own. Their equivalent on the dating pool are Asian men. Issa Rae was right in saying they should date each other lmao but this statement made Black men freak out bc they still claim ownership over Black women (while still saying we're ugly undesirable etc). That's highkey fucked up, but so are most Black men, that's why smart Black women are open to interracial dating 💁🏾‍♀️

There's no one to defend Black women. BLM was a pro Black man movement, that's why I lowkey didn't give a shit about it. I'm pro black women and Black women can only count on themselves. Fake intersectional White feminist shown their butt big time with their tantrum about the Karen meme, and most Black men are dusties.

#answered #karen meme

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nonpoetictragedy · 2 months

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platforms and the ways you unfortunately systemically get groomed on them

this is a bit vague but here me out.

tiktok: the weird enabling of bullying, toxic beauty ideals("anti bodypositivity", weird microtrends,gym bros, looksmaxxing incel content and normalization) and the coquette sector, puts a certain pressure on young women and men.

tiktok is known for keeping platforms up from predators and if you have no context and no informations, you would never know which creators are actually predators that were able to let the allegations die down.

i believe that theres a certain hypersexuality is constantly being spread in the community and its still a childs app. disturbing. you can see how sexually harassing all comments are and how they can openly do whatever they want.

its absolutely devestating because experiencing sexual harassment makes you more vulnerable to predators.

instagram, of course there is alot to say about instagram but i would say the coopt of tiktoks comment section.

meta enables them and make them even worse.

twitter:

so if you ever been on twitter, youve seen worse than hell. i am still apalled that the site is still up concidering the amount of nonchalant digital abuse is culture for these people. something that comes up on top of my head is these child abuse material anime defenders that doxx people on there when they make tweets against... child abuse material. also the amount of revenge corn material on there is infuriating.

youtube:

"how youtube became a perpetual nazi machine" episode from behind the bastards , episode 67

robert evans talks about YOUTUBE spreading child abuse material in there sexual video algorythms.

also they have given up on taking away peoples platforms, like colleen ballinger or cody ko.

twitch:

please do not use twitch when youre a minor. the amount of manipulation that is put into the parasocial relationships and the twitch chats worry me. ive heard of alot of shit there seperately but i have no real clue how bad it is. i just am really worried.

this is very short and the topic goes deeper in general, but thats a topic on my mind that ive been researching for for years.

everytime you can see a crime more than once on a platform happening, its a conschiously enabled by the head of the company,

if report systems dont help, they are decor.

dont think youre safe. thats what they want.

#trauma #hypersexuality

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two4000yroldtortoises · 8 months

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time machine meet-up : a lurkers pov (lolzies)

here's a long one lads:

i got into dan and phil in june of 2019. in fact i watched dans coming out video just a few days after moving 5000 miles away from where i grew up. phil's video came out literally 9 days after we arrived at the new house. i rushed into the living room to happily cry to my poor mother about how stoked i was. at the time, we were still sleeping on air mattresses, eating in an empty kitchen using plastic plates and camping chairs. i was 13. queer, adhd riddled, anxious and desperately lonely. dan and phil were the first friends i made in my new home.

while they were on hiatus i caught up. i followed their tags on instagram and spent that first summer scrolling endlessly, filling the hole where friends used to be with old videos and compilations and fanart and fan fiction.

i went to my first pride in my new home with cat whiskers delicately drawn on my face. i hoped it would give me community. id be able to find my people at that march. i didn't. i found them later, but that's a whole other story.

in the last 4-ish years i've become a totally different person. i'm more confident, more open with others and myself, im queerer and weirder and more happy than i have been since i gained consciousness. ive come into myself in so many ways. and now that dan and phil are back, i see the changes in myself reflected in them and it's so, so healing. they're so much funnier, so much kinder, so much gayer and weirder and hornier and louder and so deeply and beautifully and unapologetically themselves.

i love you dan and phil, even though I've never said it. just quietly parasocial, too scared to comment or start a blog or twitter. i'm one of those silent watchers dan talked about in "why i quit youtube", being saved and healed and helped and supported without making a sound. so thanks for that, lads.

and i love you phannies (despite your stupid, stupid fandom name), i love the acceptance and weirdness and queerness and loudness and confident cringyness of this community. i love the home you've built for freaks and geeks on this circle of hell we call the internet. so thank you for that.

i probably won't ever post anyth on this blog again, i just wanted to put it out there how dnp have helped us too, the ones too scared to make friends in the phandom. thank you all for creating a place we can go to anyway, even if we never really interact. thank you for being so unapologetic and so weird. thank you for being so gay and so loud.

here's to many more years of being old, gay, and giving no fucks.

me: 2019 -> 2024

#dnpg #dan and phil games #dan howell #dnpgames #time machine meet up #danandphil #dan and phil #amazingphil #danisnotonfire #dan and phil time machine meet up

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pikawarrior · 1 year

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Welp welcome back to my random rambles im just gonna talk bout alot of random stuff mainly my stories so here for go lets hope this is understandable

Story/maybe comic stuff

Turning of the orange | The Strawberry Patch - Old soon to be remade/written stop motion strawberry shortcake zombie movie me and my dad were making when i was in elementary schoolish. We unfortunately didnt make it that far since he had to leave often and for long times cuz work, but recently i found my old tablet with all the pics and my notes so rework time baby. Im about to use all my years of angst/horror writing to fuck these bitches up even more

The Butterfly Effect and It's Consequences | The Phoenix Effect -

The Butterfly Effect is my main rottmnt fanfic series. About my little rottmnt oc's (Ame) life and how the gang adopting them into the family changed everything mostly for the better but the bad things kinda got alot worse. Idk been focusing on the phoenix effect more

The Phoenix Effect is kinda an extension of that. Its basically the same thing but adds the cass apocalypse series into it. Basically how future Ame being there also changes things and how oopies mystics powers are hard to control after being half dead in stasis for about 12 years hope Ame does trys to leave to protect everyone from himself only to get kidnapped putting everyone in worse danger also oopies isnt that the super dangerous alien someone accidentally freed awhile ago

The Future Diary - So i watched The Hot Box's video on the anime future diary and well here we are

Another rottmnt oc thing. Ame obtains a diary from his future self being like "hey so the world is gonna end soon here's how i think you could possibly stop that. Pls dont do this all alone ur like 5" and ame decides to do it all by himself.

Got all eight chapters planned out already with two already at stage two (aka fully written out just needs to be edited and stuff). I just dont know how to use ao3 in this sense or how to tag stuff plus i got anxiety so its just sitting in my notes app

Video stuff cuz yes

Currently working on a few more special videos. On my channel ive technically reached 100 videos (i unlisted alot of old ones/never posted a bunch more so technically i reached that months ago but shhh let me have this) plus i got 135 subs now so celebrations are in order. Idk what to say bout this, am making a video using the ok ko ending song idk the name, one is a fake collab a friend made and another is an original meme a youtube mutual/friend by association made. Plus like so mant mini things for my ocs, Dimension and Watcher are gonna get so much development and cute couple moments.

Also everyone else is gonna go through so much trauma my gods its gonna amazing.

Also ive been trying to like voice things, audio quality sucks cuz im working off of my tablet but like ive voice a few of my own videos (only one posted) and like its so fun i wish i had proper stuff to do this so i can do it more

Other art stuff

I got a toyhou.se (its EnviousDeath), pls enjoy these characters and stuff

Im trying to make my art more mess and chaotic while staying clean? If that makes any sense. Still a lover of doing gacha stuff but am trying to branch out more.

Also btw how do people just idk do social stuff like trade characters, comment, and just aaaa idk what am doing i forgot how to do social stuff and also i never understood how to do this type without being awkward as hell

Character stuff

Watcher - *slaps religious trauma onto them* bitch gets sacrificed. Okay okay so Watcher, wasnt always Watcher. Before they used to be Ena a simple kid who was sent away for reasons i havent thought of yet to a church. Blah blah corruption, Watcher gets sacrificed for not falling in line blah blah they were saved and given a second chance.

Dimension - *slaps alot of anxiety and identity issues onto her* bitch got issues. Same as Watcher, Dimension wasnt always Dimension. Before she was Ellie a poor girl hated by her whole town because of the lies their mother spread about them and their father who had left years ago. She only had one friend, Watcher. Somehow they managed to make contact with each other despite being in different universes. Eventually Dimension snapped and went on a killing spree, slowly ripping apart her world in the process because this wasnt supposed to happen (think spiderverse canon events but different ill explain later) with her world crumbling around her, Dimension messages Ena one last time, not knowing Ena was already long gone, and accepts what they assume to be death only to fall into whats basically the anti void from utmv, gets corrupted and became a villain technically more of a multiversal criminal.

(For time and length reasons im cutting this segment short)

Multiverse stuff

OKAY TIME FOR WORLD BUILDING

How does what happened to Dimension's universe work? The way i explained it is like spiderverse canon events but different, but heres the details. Idk how to explain this but bare with me

Imagine each universe as a game in a folder on a computer. Each game has different code, story, art assets basically all are mostly different.

Most games are coded to have very specific story events and when something goes wrong everything breaks. Like take a spaghetti thing of code that shatters the moment you try to do something like trying to talk with an npc while having a status effect and thats how some of these worlds are like. And Dimension's was very much one of those worlds, and her breaking down like that shattered the code of their world and everything fell apart.

Im too tired to continue but my main multiverse is like one big computer own by a game creator who only sometimes knows how to make a stable game

Feel free to ask about any of what ive just ramblef about am always willing to ramble bout my stuff

#reaperspeaks

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ithisatanytime · 2 years

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[ BOOM BOOM ] 1987 SPINNING DEE-DEE

ive talked endlessly on here about the importance of the internet, how it is impossible to fully control they way they control television and the film industry and press, by its nature it cant be controlled. that being said they still try and i think thats more apparent today than ever before, basically post covid the character of the internet changed pretty dramatically, youtube itself is the best example of this, susan wosjciki (sp? i dont know shes a jew) has been doing her damndest to sink the platform so the userbase will flee the platform to other more easily controlled platforms namely twitch. i know im not the only one who noticed youtubes focus changing from your subscriptions, you know the content you chose to be exposed to, into a situation where the homepage is no longer your subscriptions but youtube recommendations which are astroturfed to hell and back. for instance today i got a video where some jew lawyer talks about alex jones legal woes, ive never been an alex jones guy but this jews face just triggered primordial anger in me, he read as “enemy” on a deep genetic level, so i clicked the video to call the guy a rat jew (which i did) but i noticed that literally all the comment chains were started by youtube accounts that were a generic womans name first and last, and the profile pics were ALL very attractive women dressed in lingerie, thats not so unusual bots are all over the place, what was unusual about it is all of these lingerie clad ladies using their full first and last legal name were all making cogent political points not just spamming links to some bulgarian scam website. the internet astroturfing botting shilling whatever you want to call it is fucking insane now, if you use 4chan you are well aware of what im talking about, anyway the main point of this post was meant to be some advice, i see people on anonymous message boards and comment sections attempting to call out shills in two ways, a surprising amount of these shills are ethnically jewish, its only surprising because there are so few jews and the shilling is so rampant, youd expect the majority of shills to be goys but in reality its literal paid jews in israel or its diaspora jews from around the world. a way that people have been attempting to combat this is to demand the person they are debating respond with “say christ is lord” this is effective, versus “denounce the talmud” or “spell out “god” these are NOT effective, and its very telling why one works and the other doesnt. the issue is most of the jews causing people problems are NOT religious, the religious ones are just as fucked up, but they dont have the same pull as these atheist jews have, almost none are actually atheist they believe in the occult and when you peel back the layers they are satanists but thats beside the point, they dont give a fuck about spelling gods name or denouncing the talmud, but tellingly they STILL wont say Jesus is king or Christ is lord or anything like that, because one thing all jews share is that they HATE jesus christ, atheist, orthodox, they fucking hate christ, they are ANTI christ, muslims are not antichrist they revere christ as a prophet, atheists are indifferent (in theory not in practice) but of the three major abrahamic world religions jews are the only one who are ANTI CHRIST, the talmud states jesus mother was a whore that jesus himself was a sorcerer and that he is boiling in either cum or shit in hell depending on how you interpret the hebrew. both religious and nonreligious jews hate christ, and thats simply not acceptable they can fuck right off, you dont have to be christian to be here but you cant hate the message of jesus christ because its foundational to having a functional society where people can actually have shit. even if you arent religious you need to appreciate that christianity was revolutionary in its message and it revolutionized the way people organize themselves socially. to put your neighbors needs above your own, to not just forgive but to love your enemy, these ideas were and are radical and while in practice christian nations never live up to the precedent set by jesus christ, the attempt alone makes for high trust societies. why would you allow someone to live amongst you who does not value forgiveness, who doesnt understand grace as a concept, im having a difficult time trying to explain myself, its not religoius zealotry thats prompting this, there are gentiles i know who went to church all of there lives but because it was a catholic church and not a christian church the values of christ were not imparted in them properly, they viewed forgiveness as a sign of weakness, and as a result they are universally dog shit, completely socially dysfunctional etc. the basic tenants of Christianity run counter to human instinct, but when they are employed even imperfectly you end up with countries and societies with unparalleled prosperity and satisfaction, frankly i dont trust people who lack this foundation, i dont even need to explain why its self evident, someone who thinks they are good because they dont understand what sin is or their need for grace is going to be a piece of human shit guaranteed, and nearly all jews fall into this category, the acceptions being messianic jews who recognize that christ was the messiah which is painfully clear if you read Isaiah which jews literally dont do.

#youtube

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wizardfigurine · 2 years

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on ARGs and the degradation of a genre

the last post i reblogged made me think a lot over how ARGSs have evolved and changed. im very specifically talking about how many people believe they've become derivative and cliche (mainly based off local 58). if you look at newer args through the lens of them being an alternate reality game, they dont hold up well. the main criticism ive seen of these works is that theyre intentionally making themselves creepier and dont hold much substance.

im putting the rest of this under a read more, its gonna be hefty. also unstructured. keep in mind this is all my personal opinion. if you think the walten files are revolutionary, no ones stopping you. im generalizing

there are 2 reasons i think args have become so stereotypical, and why it's so easy to spot one nowadays.

firstly, and like most obviously, theyre extremely popular now. back in the 90s args had never been heard of, and if you saw someone saying something on the internet you were way more likely to believe it or turn it into a mystery. you dont even have to go that far back. take poppy. people were not well-versed with the idea of unfiction, fucking game theory thought she was a part of the illuminati. it was strange if you weren't part of the unfiction niche. regardless, this rise in popularity has also lent itself to more people wanting to dip their toes in the arg waters. this has advantages and disadvantages. hell yes! people are being creative and want to share their stories in this interesting way but also... they don't indulge in the genre enough to create something new.

and thats where most newer args fail. they have lost the interactive aspect, which is crucial!! in my opinion they've even lost the alternate reality part as well as an example, we can look at neurocam. which is an exemplary arg and i think checks all the necessary boxes. it took place in real life and integrated an alternate reality into our own. it also had a wonderful game/puzzle aspect! the audience had to fulfil each task to understand more of the story. they were a key piece of the game, not a bystander or viewer. if you want a more popular example the same goes for cicada 3301. even though that was more puzzle based, less so focused on a coherent storyline.

though alternative reality games dont have any strict guidelines! every new work defies the genre and molds it into something new. plus, its fucking hard to create global treasure hunts if you dont have the resources. so many works leaned more into the alternative reality rather than the game. namely alantutorials or daisy brown. they presented an alternate reality in our own, and involved the audience through interaction and real time events. daisy brown frequently responded to youtube comments and alantutorials had significant bouts in upload times to show a realistic passage of time.

in comparison, local58 was fairly different. it told a story, and it merged the plot into our own reality, but it was not interactive. its huge success can be owed to this fact. it was easy to digest, and most videos were released at the same time. the viewer didnt have to consciously be a part of the story, they could sit back and take in the horrifying news of this alternate world. though i dont want to downplay local58 because its production quality is amazing and the storyline is well thought out. in other words, it did earn its recognition through creativity and clever story-telling, but it also flattened a lot of the greater aspects of an arg.

after local58 got popular, args started becoming far more mainstream, and everyone was interested. who wouldn't want to present a story they've been dying to tell in this new format that could include the audience?

i don't blame any artists, but most people are not willing to sacrifice tons of money for elaborate filming locations or props to create a realistic arg. but everyones got an editing program and a few spooky pngs right.

in that sense historical analog horror is super easy. you set it up as a found tape of something that happened 40 years ago, you edit your story together however you like and it turns out great. but you have lost all sense of alternate reality or interactivity.

another thing i forgot to mention was social media type args. no clue how to classify them but think the sun vanished or sexygirlmax2019. these sorts have remained as interactive as ever, so why are random twitter args also not living up to our standards?

either

a) the person is just trying to get popular and has no real story to tell

or b) the concept of an arg is so popular and played out that it's becoming increasingly difficult to create something good

i havent thought much about this but i do recognize the issue of seeing random morse code on twitter and knowing that its about to be some dumbass arg trying to piggyback off more popular ones.

plus, due to the nature of the genre, if you are creating something realistic and well made, its gonna take a long fucking time to get noticed. i think theres dozens of great args that never got recognized because of how realistic they were, or how long it took for the story to be properly set up that they flew under the radar.

WHATS MY POINT HERE.

args that are cropping up nowadays are not args. they tell great stories and are pretty good in their own right but they arent alternative reality games. call it unfiction, webseries, analog horror, whatever. i think all those labels would fit far better. but thats really why we're seeing such a downgrade of well-made or creative args, because they are no longer that, they are just stories being told in a very similar format

my second point is that the rising popularity of args has also become its downfall. its easy to recognize one nowadays and this has caused for its main appeal to die out.

ARGS AS A CONCEPT ARE COMPLICATED MAN. LOTS TO THINK ABOUT!

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spaloonbabooguuscooties · 3 years

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band au question: how do dion and frazie get involved? and if you want to talk about the relationship between norma and frazie in the au because i'm interested

OH ... OH YES . Yes I Will Talk About This .. Thank You because ive been dying to bring it up somehow.

SO at about .. a quarter way through their trip there is a point where Morris introduces the band to Sasha and Milla, a duo of eclectic indie rock stars who will help them on their journey (i havent decided how yet . lmao . but theyre here) if they in turn help Them with this show they're trying to perform at a local festival.

Donatella (who has been restlessly tracking her son, thanks to Morris announcing every place they've been so far over the radio,) has finally caught up to them here, but since the festival is so big its difficult to find him. So she has the family split up and look around.

Frazie in all this has... really been looking for an excuse to have a break from the circus life. She's envious as fuck that Raz basically got to escape and run off on a little rock & roll adventure because she's the entire reason he's into this kind of thing in the first place!! she introduced him to most of the music he listens to. shes even been practicing guitar! and its not fair.

so when she ends up being the one to find him at the festival, well... she's pissed, of course, but all he needs to do is explain why he's doing it. wanting to help their nona is excuse enough for her to say "well move over, pooter- i'm coming too!" because she Cant just let her little brother run across the country without a chaperone, right?

dion catches her in the middle of ditching the family and threatens to rat them both out to their mother, but before he can bust their entire operation gisu mistakes him for a rowdy crowd member trying to start problems and ends up knocking him out lmao. frazie explains the situation and in a panic, they end up picking up his unconcious body and piling him into the van and peeling the hell out of there. Dion Is Basically Being Held Hostage The Entire Time. He's Pissed About It .

ill put the frazie/norma content under a cut because this is getting long already and i Have . Thoughts .

so frazie and norma actually knew each other before Lizzie's band gets hired to play the circus- at least loosely.

frazie and norma both have accounts on old ass 2003 youtube . Norma would post videos of her playing various basslines of songs she likes, half informative teaching vids and half like her showing off. frazie in turn posts songs she makes up on the fly on her dinky accoustic guitar ... but both of them have the cameras angled so they cant see their faces in all their videos This Is Important (mostly to show off the chords they play and such) . theyve been following each other for a Long time on there , kind of obsessively in that way where you kind of get a crush on someone that you never really intend to act on because you know so little about them lmao. they just think the others content is cool! and they comment on each others vids from time to time . they build up this little like vague 'friendship' online ...

and when the band plays at the circus, frazie sees norma on stage- and immediately recognizes her by her bass guitar. and at first shes like overjoyed- here's this person she'd made this funny little friendship with , in the flesh... she didnt get to have many friends in person because of how much they traveled, so getting to see norma is like a dream come true!

until she actually talks to her and realizes that... oh. Norma's kind of a total ass . she's stuck up and pretentious, as we know norma to be. She’s not really good at making people like her. and frazie, who is insanely brash and a little rude herself, decides not to reveal who she is at the time because she just had the worst first impression on earth and shes bummed about it.

it’s when they meet the second time at that festival that norma realizes who she is, puts the pieces together, and it clicks in her brain that ohhh god shes kind of ruined that nice little pleasantry they had going. and at first she’s ready to accept it, because in the end she ends up foiling most of her positive relationships anyway so she can focus on her education (she still goes to college because it’s what her parents want for her and she wants to be like.. worth something, she doesnt want to be a disappointment, she cant stand the thought of being useless,) and the band really only keeps her around because shes lizzies sister and they have to.

but now she’s forced to spend all this time in this cramped van with this girl she had a vague weird little crush on and her two brothers and her ex-girlfriend that she broke up with but still has sad mixed up feelings for(gisu, who she is now watching fall for dion and it suuucks) so its all this tension building up in her brain...

one night during a pit stop at a hotel room, frazie finds shes having trouble sleeping and goes out to see norma sitting on top of the band van by herself. she’s noticed that norma ends up doing this a lot, spending a lot of time by herself. So , feeling bold, she climbs up there with her. and normas surprised by it, because theyve spent all this time on the trip getting on each others nerves, but now frazies trying to talk to her again? it’s weird. but she lets her, because it’s better than spending time alone with her own thoughts.

frazie starts off small talk at first , but it blossoms into this whole heart to heart, they end up staying up all night talking about how they hate the expectations forced onto them and how frustrating siblings are, how they got into music and things they like... they get in little arguments, still, but cant seem to stop talking to one another until the sun comes up.

Frazie realizes, oh, maybe norma isn’t so bad! but all norma can think about is oh, that was nice. how long is it going to last?

#i have been plotting a scene in my head where they have to sing karaoke together . im fuckiign crazy dude.#put me down like the dog i am.#psychonauts band au #psychonauts #norma natividad #frazie aquato

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toyfriskman · 2 years

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ough, ive been out all day and almost forgot to do my little thing for #savetf2

anyways

i know what so many people might have already said. it's no big surprise if I'm just a drop in the sea when I say "Tf2 means so much to me"

i get it. It means so much to so many

but would you like to hear my story?

first and foremost, i've never even heard of TF2 until mid-2020. it was brought to my attention by all the tributes to the beloved and late, Rick May.

I saw so many tributes pop up on YouTube, so many videos, so much fanart, and song remixes- I was amazed! I looked through the comments, and one kept with me: "I've never seen a community come together faster than TF2 Fans to honour Rick May" or something along those lines I learned, through that one comment, that this is a community that cares. I didn't know anything at the time, and as the year went on, I forgot

but then, I came across Lazy Purple. Specifically, his "How It Feels" series. sure, I've watched Winglet's "Burning Through Space" and a few other SFMs, but this is what got me into the game. the high energy, the vibes, the crazy way each character felt so different from one another but so intertwined. I laughed, took notes on each character, and loved every second of the videos!

then, I started digging. I looked around, and found that there were comics! at first, I thought you needed to buy them, so I looked up voice over's for them. I watched dubs for the update comics and the numbered ones as well! and yes, I got very disappointed when I learned that there was no comic 7

finally, I found the "Meet The Team" videos and "Expiration Date". I loved everything about them so much, that's when I finally downloaded the game!

I went through the tutorial and tried playing with bots offline to try and get a feel for the game. then, after gaining some confidence, I looked for a match in Casual. I landed in a friendly server, on 2Fort. I loaded in as Medic (seeing as my team had none) and started wandering around. I found someone in the basement, and healed them, only for them to be a Spy (imagine my surprise!)! I had fun, wandering around, even though I had no way of communicating, other than nodding and shaking my head.

after a while, I landed in Payload and started playing for real. I found that I loved playing as Pyro, so that's who I mained! I still main Pyro to the day (as of writing).

but that's only the start of my story.

after a while, I found the jokes of people finding out they were trans due to the game, and lo and behold, the game helped me figure that out too! I found my gender identity through the funny characters who wore funny hats and did funny things.

further on down the line, I met a good friend of mine. we don't talk much now, but he holds a close place in my heart, because... well, he's doing better now. I'm happy I could help him.

then, I finally started doing shit on this Tumblr account. I reblogged funny things, and I made friends. I goofed off with them, found roleplay blogs, and had a fun time all around!

hell, I even found a boyfriend, not through Tumblr, but through our mutual love for this War Themed Hat Trading Simulator. tell me that three years ago, and I would have laughed.

I love this game. I truly do hold this game so close to my heart, because it has done so much for me personally. it hurts to know that it's slowly dying due to Valve's lack of attention, but with the VA's being so active now, and the community coming together, I have so much hope.

it's like what that one comment said

I've never seen a community come together faster than TF2 Fans.

we still have sush a long fight ahead of us, but I think we're finally nearing the top of this hill. I'm so happy I got into TF2 when I did

thank you all, for making this such an amazing fanbase, with such loving people supporting it

let's help this game not only keep it's head above water, but make sure it finds a nice place to finally rest and watch the waves from a beach

#savetf2

#savetf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 #video games

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permian-tropos · 3 years

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hiii so im still relatively new to the pathologic fandom, i havent finished bachelors route yet but i love him. i still dont understand why he isnt in his own ending, do you mind explaining it for me? like what are the theories. also on that note, what are some of your favorite pathologic essays? on tumblr in written or on youtube anything will do, ive watched the hbomber sulmutal ragnarrox and mangaloregaming ones already. thanksss for your input <333 i really am obsessed!

Hi there anon!!! So cool of you to reach out to me!

So the explanation about why the Bachelor isn’t in his own ending comes from an online AMA with the writer/head of IPL (who I feel obliged to mention has been recently accused of some awful shit so until that gets properly investigated -- and will it? honestly I don’t know :< -- the fandom is kind of holding its breath on this matter, or at least I am, if you’re new here I am very very sorry to break that news to you).

What I remember from the screenshot I saw of it was that apparently the Bachelor doesn’t “belong” in this “weird world” he’s helped create, and that it was intentional to not show him among Maria Kaina’s worshippers during the Utopian cutscene. So that’s what I’m working with.

Daniil is a pretty complicated guy, especially when he’s the player character. I feel like you have some leeway, not just in choosing which ending, but even why he chooses various endings, including his own. He can be skeptical and concerned about a lot of aspects of the Utopians, even while he falls more and more in with them ideologically. Not helped by the fact that the Kains are, to my mind, lovebombing the hell out of him in the end, he’s just... very conflicted I think? There’s a lot of dialogue options he can take that suggest he admires the Polyhedron for what it is currently -- a place for children to explore their dreams together and express the wonder and creativity of their youth. You can have him be concerned at the idea of the Kains kicking out the kids so that they can take the Polyhedron themselves. But he thinks it would be awful to destroy the Polyhedron even if it’s about to be used by some very weird and very Sus people. Because to him it’s irreplaceable.

So... I think his relationship with the Kains is fraught. He sees the nasty sides of the other two ruling families early on and believes the Kains are the most sensible rulers of the town... but once the Kains know he’s hooked, they reveal their extremely absurd, grandiose, and rather ominous plans for Utopia for him. And he’s kind of in too deep to get out by then? He’s been through so much that I can see how it would be tempting to hope that the Kains are just being melodramatic and that they’re not actually evil... hopefully...? That the world they create will at least be beautiful and interesting. Maybe unique.

But he isn’t as enthusiastic about actually living in it himself as them. He has more rational reasons for seeing the Town destroyed -- underneath it, in the soil, is a dangerous biohazard. He thinks that preventing people from inhabiting this land is the only way to stop this plague, which is his job. It’s like if he found out they were atop a nuclear waste disposal site -- abandon it and put up a sign saying This Is Not A Place Of Honor. There’s not just one way to interpret his choice at the end but if you believe dialogue he has about seeing the Polyhedron as a way to preserve childhood innocence... he knows he’s past that point. He’s not innocent, he’s been destroyed by this plague, and whether you imagine him leaving the town in disgrace or even ending his own life, an interpretation where he walks away from the “weird world” is one where he has given up on himself. He’s one of the few fictional characters out there who pursues a dream of defeating death while never once suggesting that he wants to live forever. I’ve always found that really interesting about him. He may be a very flawed guy, but he isn’t really coveting ultimate power or even ultimate happiness for himself.

Except the one indulgence I would argue he does allow himself is constantly scamming and lying to accumulate more and more guns (seriously he can do this over and over in his route it’s so funny) and if you want to take that to be a metaphor for being transmasculine bc guns are phallic symbols, be my guest xD /j

------

And regarding essays... UmmmMM well there’s a few off my personal collection on youtube that I’ve enjoyed that aren’t the big ones you’ve already mentioned: The Youtube channel Shmowder Productions has quite a few wonderful video essays on Pathologic. There’s also @loquaciouslore who has made a lot of awesome videos centered on various characters and mechanics of Patho 2 mostly. This is an analysis specifically of the plague in Pathologic 2, trying to come up with scientific/historical explanations for it (despite it defying explanation). It’s a fun time. Also big mood for Bachelor stans, trying to use science on the magic plague. I have a soft spot for this video essay on the Bachelor and his Suffering TM because it uses a comment that I made on reddit to talk about something the essayist found personally relatable. This one is I almost feel essential viewing, it’s about the relationship Pathologic 2 has to avant-garde movements in theater.

Hope you like this collection!

#asks #long post #pathologic #daniil dankovsky

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infinitelytheheartexpands · 3 years

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My Personal Opinions on Some French Grand Opéras

Here we go. I’ll be focusing solely on pieces in what’s widely considered the “Golden Age” of grand opéra (from 1828 to about 1870).

1828, Auber: La muette de Portici: never seen or heard so I cannot comment, but I do think it slaps that it helped start both the Belgian Revolution and the genre of grand opéra.

1829, Rossini: Guillaume Tell: I love this one. it’s one of the few grand opéras that has a happy ending and it’s fully deserved. it’s long but it all has a point-- the first act introduces us to the community spirit that drives the rest of the action; even though it’s called Guillaume Tell, it’s not just about Guillaume Tell. it’s about a whole movement coming together, with all these vividly-drawn people of different social statuses, ages, heritages, and livelihoods coming together to do good in the world in the face of oppression. also it’s Rossini so it bops start to finish. the finale is one of opera’s best. I could not have higher praise and admiration for this piece.

1831, Meyerbeer: Robert le diable: another rare case of a grand opéra with a happy ending, but it feels a bit more contrived, something I wrote about when I watched it about a year ago for the first time. it’s quite a clever ending, however, and I love that these lovely characters get a happy ending. Robert is the least interesting principal character both musically and dramatically; the musical highlights of the show are mostly Bertram and Isabelle’s big scenes. the former is also arguably grand opéra’s most exciting ballet sequence, the Act III ballet of the nuns (or as I like to call it, the Zombie Nun Ballet). it’s long but it is incredibly worth it. overall, I really do enjoy this opera although it is very much an uneven piece.

1833, Auber: Gustave III, ou le bal masqué: here’s a thing I wrote about it like 3 months ago and I stand by every word.

1835, Halévy: La juive: It’s damn near impossible to find an even remotely close to complete recording. However, what the recordings have is excellent. The score is marvelous all the way through, although for the most part I tend to prefer the ensembles to the arias (the exception, of course, being Éléazar’s 11 o’clock number). Speaking of Éléazar, he’s an extremely complicated and frankly uncomfortable character, toeing the line between being one of opera’s most complex characters, an even more complicated proto-gender-swapped-Azucena if you will, and being an unfortunate vessel of antisemitic stereotypes. This is made even more complicated because Halévy was an assimilated Jewish composer. On the whole, Rachel is the only wholly sympathetic character in the piece, although all five of the principals are lovingly scored.

1836, Meyerbeer: Les Huguenots: *holds things in because otherwise I would write an entire essay about this opera and you all know that because I have done that several times* Both a great strength and a great weakness of this piece is its sheer wide-ranging-ness, particularly in terms of mood. Unlike, say, La juive, this opera does not have one overall mood, instead steadily progressing from bright, brilliant comedy to one of the most horrifying endings in opera. Dramatically, this is great for the most part, although the sheer amount of exposition in the first two acts may take getting used to. Just as the drama gets more intense and concentrated as the opera goes on, the music gets more intense- and frankly, more often than not better- as the opera goes on. The window/misunderstood engagement business is something I still struggle to see the exact dramatic purpose of, because I think the question of religious difference would likely be enough to separate Raoul and Valentine at the beginning anyway; to me, it feels like Scribe and Deschamps were struggling to find a way to integrate Nevers into the story, as he is crucial to the opera’s lessons about love and tolerance, so they stuck in a quasi-love-triangle in order to justify his presence earlier on. (Also, for goodness sake, could you at least have given him an onstage death scene?) Anyway, in this way the story can be a bit unwieldy and uneven at first, but stay the course with this one...and even a lot of the first couple of acts are wonderful. The characters are all wonderfully written if rather episodic in many cases, but this opera is ambitious and by the end, it’ll tear your heart to shreds. It’s amazing. Uneven, yes, but amazing nonetheless, and I will defend it to the death.

1840, Donizetti: La favorite: I’m not as familiar with La favorite as with some of the others on this list (I’ve seen two different productions once each and I have a recording of it saved to my Spotify library that I listen to bits and pieces of very occasionally) but I do think it’s an excellent piece overall. LÉONOR DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER. The music is lovely all around; I know Donizetti wrote at least one other grand opéra in full and part of another, both of which I need to check out because in its own way, Donizetti’s style works wonderfully with grand opéra.

1841: Halévy, La reine de Chypre: here is a post I wrote about La reine de Chypre. basically all my thoughts remain the same except I have to add: Halévy as a whole just needs more love. there’s a few other of his operas I have waiting (a recording of Le dilettante d’Avignon that has been sitting in my Spotify for who knows how long and a film of Clari with Bartoli and Osborn I’m also sitting on) but there are so many pieces that sound fascinating but have basically ZILCH in terms of recordings.

1849, Meyerbeer: Le prophète: before I say anything else about this opera, I need to ask a burning question: WHY THE HELL IS THERE ONLY ONE GOOD VIDEO RECORDING OF THIS OPERA?!?! on the one hand, I adore the Osborn/Aldrich/Fomina production; on the other, I would also like other productions, please. anyway, I said one time in the opera Discord that while Les Huguenots will probably always be my favorite Meyerbeer opera for an array of reasons, this one is definitely Meyerbeer, Scribe, and Deschamps’ strongest work. it is both unusually dark and unusually believable for an opera of its time—and the fact that it still holds up so well is disturbing to say the least. this opera thrives on complexity in all forms and yet has probably (and paradoxically) the simplest plot to follow of the four Meyerbeer grand opéras. the score is brilliant start to finish, mixing the best of bel canto, Romanticism, and something altogether darker, stranger, and more original. definitely one of the most underrated operas ever. the aforementioned production is on YouTube with French subtitles; give it a watch here.

1855, Verdi: Les vêpres siciliennes: Vêpres is an opera I love dearly although I have yet to find a production that is completely satisfying. I think it’s because this opera is a lot deeper, a lot more complex, and a lot more troubling, frankly, than people are willing to go. also it should be performed bilingually and I am dead-set on this: the dissonance of an opera about French capture of Italian land being sung entirely in either French or Italian is always a little off at least (and also part of the reason why my brain probably adjusted to hearing this opera in either language better than, say, Don Carlos). but anyway, neither side comes off particularly well here, particularly due to the violence and sexual assault on both sides of the equation: both Montfort and Procida are heavily in the wrong, and while Verdi sympathizes with both for personal reasons (Verdian Dad in the former case, Italian Liberator in the latter), there is a lot of troubling stuff in here. nevertheless, the music bops, the story is intriguing, and I think we can all agree that Henri and Hélène both deserved better, especially considering how close they got to bliss (although I think we can also all agree that the end of Act IV twist to almost-rom-com is pretty abrupt).

1863 (full opera: 1890), Berlioz: Les Troyens: I wrote this review of Troyens after watching it in the Châtelet 2003 production in December 2019 (first time ever watching it) and I still stand by just about every word. Such a fascinating opera, great adaptation of the first few books of the Aeneid, marvelous score (of course, it’s Berlioz!)...but could there be a ballet or two fewer, Berlioz? Or at least shorten them up? And that’s coming from someone who likes ballet. But anyway, in every other respect it’s absolutely marvelous. Some people say it’s the greatest French opera ever, and while I hesitate to say that, it comes pretty damn near close.

1865, Meyerbeer: L’Africaine (Vasco de Gama): Vasco da Gama/L’Africaine is even more troubling—much more troubling—of an opera than Vêpres to me and I wrote a whole thing here as to why. I still stand by most of it, although upon reflection, I feel like the ending that drove me so crazy has virtually the exact same idea behind it as the end of Troyens/Book IV of the Aeneid: empire has consequences and those consequences hurt real people, who, though different and not among those perceived as “heroic”, are worthy of being treated as human, not being collateral damage. (I’ve written at least two essays about this for different classes, both specifically in regards to the Aeneid.) It may be time to revisit this one. The score is lovely, after all, although it didn’t stand out to me as much as others by Meyerbeer.

1867, Verdi: Don Carlos: *holds myself back from writing a 10-page essay* y’all, there is a reason that when someone asks me what my favorite opera is, I always choose this one even though I’m horrible at favorites questions. it’s Verdi, grand opéra, romantic drama (SO MUCH romantic drama and SO MUCH gay), political drama, religious/social struggle, personal struggle, social commentary, spectacle, intimacy, masterful characterization all in one. what more could you want? I first saw/heard this opera in Italian long before I did in French, so my brain is more hardwired to hearing the Italian but both are good. my motto is “Italian or French, I don’t care, but Fontainebleau has to be there.” fuck the four-act version. I mean, I will watch four-act versions but five-act versions are just superior. I’d prefer uncut performances (the first part of the garden, the Lacrimosa, the extended opening and ending), but these aren’t dealbreakers for me. it’s the perfect synthesis of Verdi and grand opéra, much less unwieldy than Vêpres (as much I love that one), both musically and dramatically.

1868, Thomas: Hamlet: Part of me wishes this was more faithful to the actual source play (why??? the??? fuck??? does??? Hamlet??? live??? although there are alternate endings), but part of me also realizes that the play is already four hours long as is and singing it plus ballet would make it WAY too fucking long. This does a pretty respectable job. The music is gorgeous, by turns almost sugary-sweet and thrillingly ominous. The Murder of Gonzago scene is an absolute masterpiece. The Mad Scene is justifiably one of opera’s best (although I’m not sure it was a good idea to have that and a frequently-cut 20-minute ballet with no relation whatsoever to the main plot to make up all of Act IV). There are a lot of bops in this one. The four principals are closely followed and still very well-drawn. Both of the stagings I have seen were excellent. An underrated opera.

1869 (grand opéra version), Gounod: Faust: Another of my absolute favorite operas. Since this existed for a decade before its transformation into the grand opéra we all know and love, I won’t comment much about its actual format and adherence to grand opéra tropes aside from saying the Walpurgisnacht ballet is one of grand opéra’s best and extremely good at giving off Vibes TM. I used to hate how the character of Faust was written and thought he was incredibly boring. Not anymore (although of course, I still hate him as a person. fuck him tbh). This opera has a reputation for being saccharine and old-fashioned and I think that’s a bunch of garbage right there. It’s about the search for eternal youth and the expectations of conforming to social values and people’s struggles with themselves when a) they “fall short” and b) when the world ostracizes them for being “different” and “out of line”. I am also firmly convinced that Marguerite is the real protagonist of Faust (like how I’m convinced that Valentine is the protagonist of Les Huguenots if there even is a singular protagonist in that opera but I digress). The music slaps. People need to stop cutting whole scenes out of this. I’m still undecided on the order of the church and square scenes of Act IV. Marguerite and Siébel just need everything good in this world.

Anyway, those are my two cents! I tried to keep these pretty short, so if y’all want any follow-ups, let me know!

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melforbes · 4 years

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seaglass blue annotations

hello! i just posted the last chapter and thought i’d put together some ~fun context~ for that fic. it got way way more attention than i ever expected and for something i feel i didn’t put that much effort into i think i did in the end put a lot of effort into it so i might as well talk about it and answer some potential questions.

my favorite book of all time is the sunlit night by rebecca dinerstein (yes, that one) and something i find really compelling about that book is how sparing the prose is, forcing the reader to fill in certain gaps, and i think having to fill in those gaps makes the book a really acquired taste with which either you love it or hate it and there’s not really an in-between

i also really adore how in that book the natural world backdrop comes to life, something i find really challenging to write. recently i even read into thin air, the book about the 1996 mount everest disaster, and even though the writing was superb, i still had to google what the hillary step was because i couldn’t picture it on my own. i don’t know how people write nature because to me it feels damn near impossible, but this sparing approach really worked, so i thought i might try it out. i tend to be longwinded (gestures vaguely at this post) and wanted to have certain parts of this be a lot smaller and more contained without negating impact. whether or not i made it work is anyone’s guess. definitely not my normal style, so to speak

based on the comments i’ve received i think this might be everyone’s favorite part. in my mind age of consent by new order was playing in the background. in pretty much every fic i have a scene like this one and all of them are based on the poem first base gold by rh*annon mcg*vin from her book branches (censored because she has a tumblr and i don’t want her seeing this haha)

i absolutely can’t do the poem justice by describing what it’s about, but the simplest, most basic interpretation of the poem is that there is no better place to kiss than right here, right now, because of the past. i really like that imagery and tend to use it a lot. she as a writer has been a big inspiration for me and if you’ve read my fic true minds i should add that the nonfiction inspiration for that was directly as a result of one of her youtube videos. i particularly love how the last paragraph (stanza? im not a poet) is one big run-on sentence that’s jovial and tongue-in-cheek and colloquial and straightforward. it feels triumphant in a quiet way to me and i love how it’s done. obviously my attempts at something similar are nowhere near as insightful, but still, the most basic image of this is that there is no better place to kiss, and that’s how i felt about the two of them finding pudding in the supermarket

this part is autobiographical; while writing this last year, i went through six months of intravenous drug treatment, a month and a half of which involved long days of doctor visits on every weekday. when you’re on stuff like that for a long time you end up with a central line for better access (potential plot hole in all of this: scully never had one) but for a month and a half i got poked almost every day and strangely enough it got harder over time. the first couple you never feel, but a week or two later you start flinching, and if the needle goes in the same vein each time, it hurts the more it gets prodded. i reached a point toward the end of the in-office visits in which i would bleed a lot every time i got poked, and i can’t watch anything like that happen to me so i was looking away each time, and when i felt that the nurse was done, i would look back over, and sometimes i would be looking down at a pool of blood that i hadn’t expected to see. it’s weird, you don’t actually feel yourself bleeding, i would’ve expected a hot bloody feeling but instead it felt like nothing. and when i say a pool i mean that it would drip down beneath my elbow, stain the sheet they’d put underneath, and i wouldn’t get all of it off until i showered. i didn’t necessarily find it scary, but it was surreal and kind of pulled me out of normalizing the experience i was having. for a very long time needing iv drugs was my greatest fear and i was surrounded by that then and fine, and then, there was blood all over my arm, and like, haha, this is actually not fine. you’d think something else would’ve been scarier, but it wasn’t. and now looking back at this paragraph i wish i’d edited it differently but hey that’s life

i’d never really understood the purpose of religion as a self-driven part of life until i took anatomy in college. i was raised catholic and though culturally i understand having a religion and being raised with one, i’ve never really reached for religion when i wanted answers, and i haven’t personally understood why that’s someone’s first option. and i know there’s been plenty of commentary on the hypocrisy of dana scully as a catholic who believes in science, yada yada yada, i think everyone has read all of that by now. but what struck me while learning anatomy is that there is a kind of neuron we don’t know the function of. there are four kinds of neurons, and one of them is still a mystery to us. and then, there’s all of these different parts of human bodies that exist in a certain perfect way, but why do they exist like that? to support life, yes, but why is it that we can make comparisons? why were irises not the same color? and we name valves of the heart after religious figures. we are so hell-bent on meaning that something literal will never be enough. and all of that made me think that dana scully has god to fill in what science won’t answer, at least not yet. and there’s definitely a bigger conversation about science as denial of indigenous cultures that i am nowhere near qualified to start. after taking those classes, i think i would be more shocked if she wasn’t religious. you can ignore pretty much all of the paragraph above but it was important to me that at some point in this fic she willingly conceded that she didn’t know what would happen and that she didn’t have answers. with illness, there is no logic, there’s no thinking your way out of it, and i think that would plague her for a long time. to me, she only would accept her death when she could say she had no idea what would happen, she has no answers, there’s nothing filling in her gaps anymore, and she’s comfortable with that. and i put all of that in a paragraph about my thoughts on god because it made sense to me. there are times that just feel like you’re in a movie and there’s no one else you can say caused them. it’s not enough to build belief on but it’s enough to bring a certain kind of wonder. also one time my parents insisted on watching stripes because it was so funny and when watching it none of us found it funny at all and my parents grimaced and were like what were we on that made that good back in the day so that’s in here now haha

and now, the biggest question: does she die at the end? when i came up with the idea for this fic, i knew the beginning and ending but not the middle, and i posted this as a smaller project (ie: chapters below 3,000 words) while illness made my bigger projects harder to work on and essentially flew by the seat of my pants the whole time. i wrote the last line a long long time ago and have always seen the ending as written as the concrete ending. when i started writing this, i never intended for there to be a definitive answer to whether or not she dies. i like premature endings (the ending of girls burn brighter comes to mind) and i think that this works better without saying whether or not she lives. and i also have a hard time with giving a definitive answer because this fic very much is about death and having her die would, of course, be traumatic, but showing her living instead i think ruins any takeaways people could have. i’ve never had cancer but as a chronically ill person i think i can speak to how you never actually win with illness; the best you can do is tie, and sometimes, no matter how much effort you put in, you “lose” anyway, you lose spectacularly, and all of your effort was for nothing. i wholeheartedly believe that humans can’t emotionally or logically process natural disasters or illness, hence why much of the talk about illness in this is from mulder’s perspective as he experiences her terminal illness secondhand; that way, he doesn’t need to (but still likely will) find logic or reason or meaning for death from a terminal illness, so his discoveries and his coping mechanisms aren’t as urgently needed. had i written a chapter that describes how she lives, i think that the discussion of death in this would be voided altogether. and i also don’t believe the ending would be much different whether she lives or dies; there’s still the need for death acceptance and talking about dying, whether or not she lives, and none of the story in this fic would have happened had the characters known she would live. the whole point is not knowing.

for a little while i toyed with writing an unofficial sequel of sorts in which i spelled out what i think happens after the ending, but after realizing that that would end up being longer than the original fic and would also have some massive plot holes, i decided against it. i do have my own version and i don’t want to share that version because i never really intended for my version to be some kind of genuine sequel in which every question gets answered and everything is wrapped up and happy ever after and whatnot. it was just where my brain wandered in the same way it wanders when i watch an open-ended movie. all of that to say, if you think she lives, then she lives. if you think she dies, then she dies. it’s your decision. i’d much rather you choose than me. i never marked this as “major character” death on ao3 because, well, she doesn’t die in this fic. whether or not she dies after the fic ends, that’s for you to decide.

thank you for taking the time to read my writing. i never expected this to blow up (it blew up for me at least, for a while it was my most popular fic ever, with i think thousands more hits than anything else i’d written) and the response has been mind-boggling and wonderful. i don’t respond to comments often because it makes me feel like a pompous jerk (”thank you for enjoying this! i, too, enjoy this thing i have written! oh ho ho!” is how it sounds to me in my head, whereas when other writers respond to comments to me it just looks like thanks man have a good day, feel free to call me a weenie) but i’ve appreciated all of them very much. THANK YOU! i hope your new year is a Whole Lot Less Shit than 2020. i don’t plan on writing more msr because i don’t really have any ideas for them. thank you for making my last time special <3

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lunatic-fandom-space · 3 years

Text

Alright, Period Cramps just set in and Im looking for songs anyway so Im gonna be listening to every RWBY Song (V1-V7) in chronological order and rank them, starting with the worst. Lets go!

Caffeine: Thank god the team with the Nazi-based leader has the shittiest song so far.

Celebrate: Why tf is this here

Shine: Ehhhh. I dont really know why but the vibes were all off, somehow. The fact that really dislike Jaune (and as an extension, Arkos) doesn't help either.

Forever Fall: This song was 5 minutes long and it felt like 20

Brand New Day: I barely even registered that

Fear: not the worst

Lets Get Real: Either Im too tired or the songs are getting worse

War: Im ranking this one higher because it wasnt over 4 minutes

Bmblb: All the love songs are so generic

Dream Come True: Im listening to all these songs in the form of Lyric Videos and the art used in this one made me think 'Oh, a Jaune Song... Great. Well, maybe we'll get Jaune pining after Phyrrah now! Yknow, to balance it out. A cute lil song of him pining for a nice girl might me like him a bit more!' and guess what. It wasnt that. It was another Arkos Song from Phyrrahs perspective. AND this one had unnecessary Girl-Hate towards Weiss! For no reason! The only reason its above Shine is because they atleast got the vibes right this time.

Not Fall In Love With You: I think Im just not a big fan of the love songs.

Boop: It was pretty cute but nothing to write home about

Until The End: slow piano

Touch The Sky: Its not that bad, its just that Im tired and this song is too goddamn long

This Time (From Shadows II): A just fine song for a shitty arc

I Burn: I liked fine, until they started rapping.

Like Morning Follows Night: I thought this was gonna be one of the better love songs, then he started rapping.

Smile: All this does is make me question how Ilia was in the wrong even more. Sounded alright though.

The Triumph: Eh, pretty unremarkable opening for an unremarkable volume

This Will Be The Day: A very promising start! There's honestly not much to say here

From Shadows: It was fine. I liked the overall sound but the lyrics and the singing are just a bit too edgy for me.

Bad Luck Charm: Someone in the comments under the lyrics video said "looks like someone found his middleschool poetry" and honestly, yeah.

I May Fall: Hey, yknow how the FoB was apparently meant to happen in Volume 1? Yeah. Overall, I thought it was pretty alright. (You can probably already tell that Im not too big of a fan of the louder, more energetic songs so far.....

Trust Love: This is by no means a problem I have with only this song, but I hate how theyre all like "oh this isnt some FaIrYtAlE kid, this is real n dark n shit" as if RWBY isnt the least dark and least subversive story Ive seen in recent time

Rising: Alright but unremarkable

Miracle: Another alright but unremarkable one. At this point I feel like listening to these songs is frying my brain

Ignite: I was just gonna say its an alright Yang Song but that rap...

Big Metal Shoe: I can appreciate some fairy tale references

Gold: The chorus got a bit repetitive but I thought it was pretty cute

Home: Another cute lil family song! This one was kinda long though

Lionized: I really appreciate the vibe of this song

All Our Days: Adorable! I didnt really expect a Taiyang Song but this was pretty nice

Sacrifice: Not really much go say about this one, I thought it was fine

Neon: I feel like I just got aggressively flexed on in the nicest, yet most condescending way possible

Lusus Naturae: Very edgy, but in a way that I can appreciate more

Red Like Roses I: I really like the sound of this one! I kinda wish we had more lyrics, but this was the song used in the Red Trailer so Im assuming it was made to compliment the action more than anything. At the start and end there was this series of notes, that Im assuming is gonna be the Leitmotiv? Either way, Im curious how theyll use it

All Things Must Die: I feel like this song is definitely at its best during the slower bits

Lets Just Live: First of all, I cant believe they live-laugh-loved us. They kept mentioning like, stories and how 'this isnt your TYPICAL fairytale', I could practically feel the writers being like "Huh, huuuuuuuh? Arent we CLEVER? Yes we are, yes we are!" But other than it was mostly fine. A bit long, maybe.

Armed And Ready: Pretty alright Yang Song, I felt like it was just a bit too long

It's My Turn: Not much to say, I thought it was a fine Weiss Song

Nevermore: I think its good

Wings: I really enjoyed this song! Caseys voice is lovely and I think its a very good Blake Song

Indomitable: I liked this one, but I feel like its mainly because the line "the spirit is indomitable" reminds of Flame from VRAINS

When It Falls: This song is trying very hard to convince you that RWBY is Dark Now. And given that Im pretty sure this is V3s opening, I guess it fits. Oh well, it still sounded pretty nice.

One Thing: A real slappin song thats going straight to my YGO-playlist as well

All That Matters: Very neat song about Yang's conflicting feelings on Blake's return. Shame theyre literally not conveyed at all in the show.

Die: Very agressive title, but okay. I also enjoyed this one, who wouldve guessed. I love this whole vibe of Desperate Heroism In A World In Ruin, yknow? Its there in Time To Say Goodbye and Red Like Roses II (two of my favourite songs so far) too. Though it is quite dissapointing that the show never really matched it.

Hero: I dont get how people can look at this and go "yeah, Ironwood was clearly always a tyrant who never even remotely cared for others". Also Caleb Hyles my beloved

Time To Say Goodbye: Another very nice song! I also think the foreshadowing in the third verse (yknow the slow one) was quite well done. The only real issue is, that the plot point its foreshadowing is stupid as hell

The Path To Isolation: Why is Weiss a better character in her songs?

Divide: This song is trying very hard to convince you that RWBY is Dark Now pt 2. It is a banger though, so its fine.

Mirror Mirror: Funfact: This was technically the first RWBY-Thing Ive ever consumed! A Youtuber named Strawbelly made a german cover of this song (and the songs from the other trailers, I believe) and it was one of my favourites for a while. Ive also already listened to some of Weiss' other songs and I remember enjoying them too. I can definitely already tell that I prefer Caseys voice in the slower songs, so I really hope this keeps up

This Life Is Mine: Yoooooooooo, Caseys voice was amazing in this one(especially at the very start)! This is one of the Weiss Songs I listened to before I even watched RWBY and what can I say, I loved it back then and I love it now

I'm The One: Oh, this was absolutely lovely. For the first few seconds I thought I wouldnt like this one, but its a banger! I love the lyrics too, theyre very clever I think

Red Like Roses II: DUDE, I adored this! I did not expect there to be lyrics for Summer at all and I was so pleasently surprised! Sandra's voice was lovely, and I really hope I'll get to hear her again. But on a slightly more negative note, I feel like this is really where the whole 'RWBYs Songs Characterize The Protagonists In A More Compelling Way Than The Show Does'-Problem starts.

I originally wanted to write some kind of conclusion but Im tired and wanna read angst fics. Have a good night!

#rwby #rwby review

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hey-hamlet · 5 years

Text

BNHA AU Ideas : Quirkless Erasure

Also on AO3!

TL;DR:

In some worlds, Midoriya Izuku is the first quirkless hero. But not in this one, not by far.

Because his homeroom teacher is the hero he's always looked up to: UA's first quirkless Pro Hero.

----

Izuku isn't the only quirkless one, and Aizawa gets into the hero course via emotional devastation against his opponents.

anyway so: quirkless aizawa bc i need that

everyone thinks he has a quirk like emotional manipulation of something but no he's just fucking savage, he gets into the hero course bc he blasted the absolute shit out of mic

everything’s on youtube it’s one of the most viewed videos of all time

this aizawa's eyes are permanently gold bc i headcanon it's his quirk that makes his eyes black, not the colour they flash

"you yell because you have a constant fear no one is really listening to you. you play the class clown and don't try too hard so when you look back you think "i failed because i didn't try" not "i failed because i wasn't good enough""

"bro,,, bro what the fuck did i do to you"

aizawa isn’t even salty he’s quirkless tbh

"you're pushing this on me because it hurts, right? your loud, flashy but damaging quirk means the only thing people think you're useful for is heroics. did you want to do this, or is this the only way society will let you feel comfortable in the role it presses in on you"

"well being quirkless is rough but at least i cn be whatever i want to be"

mics just shell shocked mics not even using his quirk and everyone’s just uwu he’s erasing mics quirk

all aizawa does is walk is close and mutter "society thinks im worthless, which is rough. but you have to put your life on the line or you're nothing better than a villain to the people"

and just, lightly pushes him out of bounds

pls mics just in Love this guy tore him to fucking pieces but Damn

aizawa helps him up off the floor

"so im probably not wrong but im a little sorry for saying it on live tv"

mic "youre amazing"

aizawa just goes bright red and starts sputtering

aizawa: the emotional devastation hero weakness: genuine compliments

consider 1A teacher aizawa just still made of emotional devastation, nezu made him promise not to use his powers of destruction on his children unless he was expelling them

this is a quirkless izuku au too, mirio got ofa, allmight encouraged izuku to be a hero after the fight but had no quirk to give him and he manages to make his own way into the hero course

so izuku is a little analyst, gets mostly hero points but uses sharp rebar and poles to smash in the sensors of some robots, getting him a few non-rescue points either. Aizawa is watching like "oh interesting a non-combat quirk" and beside him allmight is vibrating with excitement

"he might actually do it!"

"who might do what"

allmight turns sheepishly to aizawa

"young midoriya on camera 6, he might just be the first quirkless student to pass the enterance exam to heroics straight up"

and aizawa can hardly watch anyone else for the rest of the exam, he adopts this kid on the fucking Spot

hes on the edge of his fucking seat, when nezu sends out the zero pointer. "this kid only needs 10 more points, just ten more" and izuku turns around to look at the 0 pointer and aizawa is like "fuck kid i hope you know what youre doing"

he manages to shove a piece of rebar into the treads, stoping it in its place. it tries to swat him like a bug but he just dives out of the way, picks up ochako and sprints and aizawa is like "holy shit holy shit these bastards better give this kid hero points for that"

like they are assigning final hero points and aizawa has to awkwardly put his hand up "i,,, should probably be excluded from giving midoriya hero points because i went from 0 to bias very very quickly"

allmight just nods sagely

"young midoriya be like that sometimes"

pls aizawa tries to act extra tough bc he can’t let anyone know he’s Adopted this child

for all izuku's brain hes useless w social stuff and thinks aizawa hates him but everyone else k n o w s

also izuku is the only person in 1A who knows ab aizawa's "quirk" and hes like, constantly vibrating w glee around the guy

aizawa walks in the first day, hears bakugo asking how this "quirkless bastard" got in, grabs bakugo w his scarf and yeets him into vlad’s room

"ok students, looks like we are a class of 19. any other comments before we start?"

and like everyone is so lost no one questions it

bakugo is screaming bloody murder until vlad "kindly" tells him ua has a strict no discrimination policy and aizawa would have been well within his rights to expel him

please nezu is like "uwu take one of 1B to make the classes even" and vlad is like "no ive already bonded tough cookies" vlad just adopts bakugo instantly

monoma and bakugou become bros, the baku-squad is 50% a thing, but its mostly 1B students but with pinning kiri. kendo and bakugo both keep monoma in line, monoma and kendo keep bakugo in line

during the sports festival shinsou is like "you must have a blessed quirk to get into the hero course"

and izuku just has this "really. this si what we're doing now" look on his face. hes just gesturing to shinso in exasperation, trying to make eye contact w aizawa hidden up in the commentary box

all you can hear from the box is aizawa quiet snickering as mic tries not to give the game away. he yeets shinso out of bonds and just hauls him back to his feet

"im quirkless you nonce"

"oh,,,"

"yeah, oh. what, gonna be embarrassed a quirkless kid kicked your ass?"

"nah i just feel bad for being a dick"

"ok you are the only valid person ive ever met, come meet my not-dad"

"wait what"

izuku fireman carries shinso into the announcers booth and just presents him to aizawa

you can just vaguely hear "no not kid" "but he'll be perfect" "kid this is live ask me after the festival" "but! hed be perfect! and you could train him to carry on your legacy of soul-crushing burns" "... hmmm"

"do i get a say in this?" "no" "nope"

mic just loudly saying "SO BEFORE WE WITNESS A CHILD CRY LIVE ON AIR AGAIN, AS ALWAYS HAPPENS IN THIS FESTIVAL, LETS START THE NEXT ROUND!"

there’s a counter “days since someone last cried: 0”

please its like "times cried durring all sports festivals" "average cry events" "number of times cried this festival"

aizawa being even more of a dad than canon, like hes a mess he sees on sad kid and he's like "wow that's my kid now"

he makes them soup when they get sick and leaves it outside their doors, refuses to admit its him doing it

soup cryptid

please mic is like 100% in love with him and had been for years but aizawa still has internal bias against the quirkless and thinks he's not good enough for mic so he cant make himself see the flirting for what it really is

“haha he’s just being friendlyL

“aizawa i literally want to marry u”

“awww ur so nice u mean as friends tho right?”

in this au ive decided that quirkless heroes are a thing, but pretty rare, in japan they are all underground bc villains go after them a l o t. there are some public ones in america but they tend to,,, die,,, pretty quickly

and bc there are some quirkless heroes everyone acts like discrimination isn't a thing anymore and quirkless people should shut up while quirkless people are still getting killed and committing suicide at like 500% the rate of people with quirks

also the suicide rate is,,,,, significantly higher in japan but no one ever talks abt it bc japan the “ideal place for people with quirks” so that surely means nothing could ever go wrong

izuku does the "its your power" speech in like 3 parts, before, during and after the sports festival bc he needs he bones w no quirk

stain asks izuku what his quirk is and izuku does the "wouldn't you like to know, weather boy"

",,, where are your parents"

"one abandoned me straight up and the other is giving it a red hot go right now, try me coward"

izuku but everytime he roasts a villain he does it in vine quotes

tl;dr in the au inko is like,, not ok w izuku being a hero and she's trying to do the "leave the school or you can't live here any more" ultimatum and it's not working for her

bc izuku said "ok bye then" and now lives out of his backpack. no one knows. he just like,, sleeps on the train

and iida is like "owo could i come over to your house" and izuku is like

"aaaaa its on fire. yep. made of arsenic and always in flames, why dont we go to the park"

everyone in 1a is like betting on what his house is like. they harass katsuki in 1b but he refuses to talk

hes like "hell no i got thrown into another class for talking ab that nerd eat my left tit"

they only fucking work it out when aizawa and allmight go to izukus house to talk ab dorms and there is literally no one there

aizawa asks izuku ab it like "kid you need to update your forms with your current address" and hes like "oh worm, she moved? wack."

“u,,,,didn’t know,,,,”

“nah lmao i sleep on the bench in a park near here”

“my boy,,,,,l

"what, ochako lives alone!"

"yeah, in a fucking house, kid"

aizawas just: this is literal child abuse i’m ur guardian now

allmight "hes my kid too dont be greedy"

"fuck off all might you already have mirio" "and you already have shinsou!" nighteye, from around the corner "ill take him!" aizawa and allmight "NO"

mic adopts him nezu just sitting in the distance "well, its my school. i get the kid" one whole school full of adult heroes "NO ITS MY SON,,," izukus like crying "wait,,, you guys aren't sick of me? wild" while sobbing

afo out of nowhere: i’ll take the child :))) everyone collectively: N O

for self-indulgence, izuku is the youngest in the class for this au so they all call him their little brother

consider: quirkless aizawa is very similar to normal aizawa but he does practise self-care, he just tries to make it look like he doesnt because hes like that

if i dont take care of myself ill never be able to stand up to the heroes w quirks but also do i deserve normal good human things

tl:dr: he can cook well and is trying to teach izuku that 2-minute noodles and apples arent hero fuel

inko is like: "uwu i wont change what i cook for you so you'll just have to make do owo" in like, a pathetic attempt to get him to stop training so izuku runs off protein bars, electrolyte drinks and raw vegetables

just like, his bento at school. its only raw mushrooms, spinach, tomatoes and 2 full carrots

the only time he gets like a kinda valid balanced meal for a hero in training is when he pops by bakugous place and mitsuki forces him to stay for lunch

izuku is like "oh hi bakugo i have ur book-" "HI ITS LUNCH GET IN PIPSQUEAK"

hes just thrown into a chair, bakugo isnt even confused. izuku is like ",,,, so vlad gave me your book bc your house is near mums." "fair enough. hope you like miso salmon"

izuku just looks stary eyed

"f i s h ??? warm food bakugo id kill for you"

"deku wtf"

"i had nothing but 3 scoops of protein powder and 2 tomatoes today"

“dEKU WHAT THE FUCK”

"i had to eat the protein podwer with plain water kacchan. protein sludge followed by two raw tomatoes. i would commit real actual murder for you"

mitsuki always packs an extra bento after that

so like when it’s dorm time izuku gets rly stressed out bc he doesn’t know how to cook for himself??? bakugous in the 1b dorms and even if he wasn’t he definitely wouldn’t cook for him

1a goes on a fucking shopping trip, chaperoned, obviously

and they’re lining up and aizawa sees that izukus cart is only filled with like??? instant noodles and like two (2) fruits and he’s losing his mind bc yes okay he’s a child but he’s also a young hero and he’s going to get a heart attack by 20 if he doesn’t fix his diet

aizawa is like "izuku, you cant eat that" and izuku just goes "oh ok" puts the noodles back and comes back with a tub of protein powder and like 11 vegetables and a bag of kale

okay this is an improvement kinda, how do u cook it

,,,,,c

cook?

izuku just has a totally blank face

"i was just gonna like,,, eat it"

"raw."

"uh, yeah, is that not how u eat vegetables?”

"thats a potato. and some leeks. thats a fucking onion"

"it wont kill me though"

"thats,,, that not how you pick food kid."

“but vegetable??? good????”

"kid do you even fucking like any of this"

"wait, im supposed to like?? my food???"

yagi in the fucking health food isle hearing this is 50% laughing but 50% crying

aizawa: “izuku ur supposed to eat a well balanced and tasty meal”

izuku: *surprized pikachu face*

please even todoroki is like ",,, at least fuyumi could c o o k"

oh god imagine having a worse diet than shouto todoroki from 1a who eats nothing but cold soba and drinks juice

also please aizawa is like "kid i thought you just happened to be thin but now im seeing thats not the case"

bakugo in the distance "like inko ever fed him enough anyway lmao"

aizawa "WAIT WHAT"

whys bakugou shopping with 1a? its actually all 40 of the first years just descending on this poor little store. it’s this little mom and pop grocery store and a billion hungry hero hopefuls just burst through the door like 𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒏 𝒏𝒖𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒔

izuku is like "oh its too expensive" and aizawa is just holding a bag of rice, aizawa is like "its cheaper than the protein powder you have"

and izuku is like "yeah i mean its empty calories and im not paying that much for empty calories"

",,,"

"thats what you taught us sensei!"

"EMPTY CALORIES ARE ONLY A PROBLEM IF UR EATING TOO MUCH"

"and?"

"YOU HAVE 3 POTAOES FOR THE NEXT 2 WEEKS"

"i can put some back if you want?"

"THATS EXACTLY WHAT I DONT WANT"

#bnha au #bnha #aizawa shouta #aizawa #eraserhead #midoriya izuku #Izuku #Midoriya #erasermic #present mic #bakugou katsuki #all might #yagi toshinori #shinsou hitoshi #quirkless erasure au

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chanbangblog · 5 years

Text

ive only felt religion when ive lied with you- 1

A/N: (smut, Chan x reader, Canon compliant, fan/idol)

The sun peeped in at you through the small slit in the curtains. Your eyes fluttered open and then closed again. You laid there in a beautiful mix of sleep and awake when suddenly you realized you were late for work. You sat up and became perplexed at your surroundings, this was definitely not your room.

Wait, where am I… you started to wonder.

You looked over to see Robyn lying next to you, still asleep looking quite peaceful and hugging her Chimmy plushie. Then you realized you weren’t at home, and this wasn’t just any day, this was the day you were going to meet Stray Kids.

Your heart began to speed up at your sudden realization. You looked around the room and empty cans of hard cider littered the bedside table. Last night’s pad Thai was sitting on the dresser, probably harboring god knows how many bacteria after sitting out at room temperature all night. You felt a tinge of nausea at the thought of it, or any food for that matter.

Oh god. Am I going to be able to eat today? I have to eat, I’ll never be able to stand in line and make it through the concert if I don’t eat. Let alone have the strength to survive MEETING THEM at hi-touch.

You pushed your hair behind your ears, closed your eyes and focused on your breathing.

Not today, anxiety. It’s too early for this bullshit.

Your therapist had taught you to talk to your anxiety like it was a person. Speaking of him, God bless that man for listening to you over the past several months preparing for this day. You had drilled him for an endless amount of coping mechanisms in order make sure that you, quite literally, didn’t faint when you met the nine boys who seemingly occupied your every thought.

You rolled out of bed as cautiously as you could, so you didn’t wake Robyn. You walked to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Your hair was stuck to the side of your head and you had sleep still in the corners of your eyes. You decided to take a shower and think about what to have for breakfast.

The hot water beat into your skin and steam began to fill the bathroom. You inhaled deeply. Trying to focus on the present and not psych yourself out about the night ahead.

You’re just giving them a high five. Hundreds of fans will get to do the same. They definitely won’t remember you, you’ll blend in with the millions of other girls who are desperately in love with them.

This thought calms you for a moment. Being rational in situations of stress wasn’t particularly your strong suit, so you were happy with this little victory.

When you got out of the shower you checked your phone. You had several notifications from Instagram from realstraykids. Hyunjin was posting selfies and talking about being excited for the concert tonight. Swiping through the pictures he took with other members, Chris got your attention. His hair was a golden blonde and was starting to grow so long, it looked like a borderline mullet with the way it was styled.

“Chris with a mullet steals my soul!!!!” you commented on the picture and then put your phone away.

You walked back into the room and Robyn was awake. You took one look at her and burst into the most high pitched squeal you could manage.

Well. Being calm was nice while it lasted.

“Good god, y/n. Are you gonna be like this all day?” Robyn asked, already looking done with your shit.

Robyn didn’t originally stan Stray Kids. You introduced them to her after you got the tickets. You had been to kpop concerts with her in the past so she seemed like the obvious choice to go with you. You had invited Robyn over a couple months ago and had a “hard intro to Stray Kids” Youtube watching session. Which had included videos like “stray kids on crack” and “a super shitty and unhelpful guide to stray kids.” She eventually chose two biases, Minho and Jisung. When she had told you later that night you were overjoyed because you had predicted who she would bias.

“NO WAY!!!!” you had screeched, “I texted my friend earlier and predicted you would bias them! Just so I could show you when I was right!”

What could you say, you love Robyn, but she has a certain type that always wrecks her. Pretty baby faces and strong vocals. You couldn’t blame her though, they were both an excellent choice.

You snapped back to the present.

“Uh no. I’m calm, I just, uh… yeah I’m gonna be like this all day.” You confessed.

Thank God I have a friend brave enough to put up with me.

The morning went by faster than you thought it would. You all ordered breakfast and spent the morning watching Jinyoung’s new kdrama. You wanted to get to the venue early-ish because even though you had good tickets, you were still GA and didn’t want to be shoved completely to the back of your section.

You had spent months picking the perfect outfit that you would feel confident in to meet them. It was May so you weren’t sure about the weather, but you decided to bank on it being hot outside. You chose a sleeveless shirt that was metallic gold, with a bow that tied around the front and buttoned down. You had also chosen a skort set that looked like a black mini-skirt but actually had shorts underneath and low-top combat boots to complete the look. You curled your hair and tried to give it as much volume as possible. Not that it would matter, you knew it would be matted to your head with sweat by the end of the concert. But hey, you gotta look good for the pics for the ‘gram, right?

You arrived at the venue and was baking outside under the morning sun, it was sweltering, you didn’t expect this for May. Your skin was baking under the late spring sun. You definitely had a sunburn and had only been in line for an hour.

Why on Earth did I wear a tank top...I’m not gonna be able to raise my arm to high five them without the smell knocking them down!

Suddenly an image of Jeongin falling backward at the smell of your body odor made you laugh out loud. You could see the headlines now, “kpop fangirl’s body odor causes singer to faint.” I mean, it would be hilarious, mortifying, but hilarious.

The concert was a blur, as always. You sang along to all the words you knew and your voice felt hoarse towards the end. You couldn’t believe how close you were to them. The venue was much smaller than you had anticipated. The light was shining off of them and their sweat made them glisten. You were so close you could see their muscles rippling under their denim when they danced.

Felix began talking to the fans about how much he loves us and wants to keep performing well for us. Felix and Changbin are my biases so I was completely engulfed in his cute Aussie accent being spoken 40 feet from me. It was almost too much. The members were fanned out across the stage while he talked and Chris drifted over to the side I was on. The girls and boys around me went wild trying to speak to him but he probably couldn’t hear them.

Rude. My baby Felix is having a moment and y’all are acting like idiots trying to talk over him.

Robyn elbowed me hard in the rib.

“Y/n,” she breathed, “Chris is staring in our direction.”

You looked over and locked eyes with him. You froze. You always thought you knew what you would do if you came face to face with one of your idols. But you were wrong. You didn’t feel the way you had predicted at all. You thought your knees would buckle. You thought you would scream or perhaps cry. But you didn’t. You couldn’t describe the feeling that came over you under his gaze. You couldn’t describe it other than feeling totally confident and empowered for the first time in a long time. You realized you needed to react before he looked away so you winked and attempted to look sexy. Then he raised an eyebrow at you, kept your gaze and went back to get in line for the next song.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT! WHY DID I WINK? WHO DOES THAT OH MY GOD.

You were going though it inside and Robyn could tell.

“Um, what was that?? Girl, you just had an interaction with him!” Robyn whispered in your ear.

You looked around and none of the concert-goers around you seemed to notice. No one was looking at you. You began to wonder if you imagined it. Your cheeks were burning a fiery red and your stomach felt like it was being assaulted with a swarm of butterflies.

How am I going to face him at hi-touch after that?? God y/n you were supposed to try to blend in.

You told your inner voice to fuck off, just like your therapist had taught you. But the rest of the concert, you couldn’t keep your eyes off Chris.

You were standing in line for hi-touch and your knees were buckling. You felt like your entire body was on edge and your insides were being electrocuted.

“You’re going to pass out if you keep holding your breath, y/n.” Robyn quietly reminded you. You suddenly realized you had been holding your breath.

“How did I get here? Maybe we should just run.” You said in a panicked voice.

Robyn looked you up and down like you had just spoken another language.

“Y/n, we’re not being marched to our deaths, we’re meeting this band that you have been obsessing over for months! Get it together! Breathe!” Robyn said while starting to shake you.

She’s right. What the hell is wrong with you. You paid so much money for these tickets and your bank account is still recovering. You’re doing this.

The line was starting to move faster than you would like. You got closer and closer to where you knew the boys were standing. You saw them in the distance and suddenly realized how tall they were in real life. You should’ve anticipated this since you already knew you were shorter than the shortest member.

They’re just people. They’re just boys. You talk to boys all the time.

You started to calm down. Until you locked eyes with Chris in the distance.

What was it about his gaze that made you take on a totally different attitude and mindset? Five seconds earlier you were contemplating running again. Now it felt like all of Earth’s gravity was holding you here in this one spot, like this was the only place you were ever supposed to be at this moment in time. You felt confident under his gaze, you felt bold.

You’re still not sure what possessed you, but you broke the gaze to start searching through your purse. You found a receipt and quickly ripped a small piece of the end. The line was moving and you were forced to walk while ransacking your purse. You finally found a pen. You tried to be as nonchalant as you could so you didn’t attract attention from other fans.

As sneakily as you could, you quickly scribbled: Kakao y/n0325.

Good god, why did I put their debut date in my name on there…I’m such a psycho. That’s so embarrassing.

But you didn’t have time to ponder on that because it was almost your turn. You didn’t have a plan. You didn’t know how you were going to get this to him without being noticed, but you did know that it felt right and you wanted to do it. Chris was the last member in the lineup.

Woojin was first. You had already planned out what you were going to say to each of them. You got up to him and his chocolate brown hair was gleaming in the fluorescence. Your hands met and you felt your mind go blank, he was smiling at you as you grappled with your words in your head.

“YOUR VOICE IS LIKE HONEY,” you blurted out, half-yelling at the poor man.

He just laughed and said thank you as you moved on.

Minho was looking at you smiling with his hand up. You didn’t struggle as long with finding words this time.

“I’m so proud of you, I love you to death,” You said as you passed by.

He laughed and said thank you in the cutest accent you’ve ever heard.

Changbin was next. Your bias, which made your thoughts become even more erratic than they had been before. You just started smiling uncontrollably and said “Hiiiiii, I love you Changbinnie” and he looked back at you fondly and said he loved you too.

You were face to face with Hyunjin before you realized it and my, was he good looking, it was like an angel was literally standing in front of you.

“You’re even cuter in person,” you said as fast as you could while touching hands with him. He just laughed and nodded in response.

You couldn’t think of anything else, your mind was at overload when you met Felix, Jisung, Jeongin and Seungmin. So you just told them you loved them as fast and as many times as you could.

When you got to Chris, you finally looked up at him and felt a shiver rip through your core. Your heart felt like it had dropped into your stomach. You felt like you were in an elevator that was falling down with reckless abandon. You raised your right hand up to give him a high five. Your hand was empty. But at the last second you switched and raised your left hand up as quickly as you could and the piece of paper was between your hands. You moved your hand slightly so he could feel it and finally spoke.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you, but this just isn’t long enough.” You said with all the confidence you could muster.

His eyes sparked as he realized what you were doing. He moved his hand and quickly closed it and put it in his pocket.

“Oh yes, I agree,” he said, very coolly with that unmistakable smile that he always shows the world. The smile that you had become so fond of over the last several months. The smile that gave fans hope all around the world and now, at this moment, he was smiling because of you.

For the second time that night, Robyn looked at you in disbelief as you rounded the corner in the hall way exiting the venue.

“Y/n, you’re the smoothest human alive,” she said with a shocked expression on her face.

You suddenly busted into cackling laughter. It overwhelmed you and wracked your body. Bubbling up from your core. You couldn’t control it. You’re sure you were unnerving everyone near you with your maniacal laughter. Everyone knows, nothing comes good after maniacal laughter. You laughed until your abdominal muscles ached, and tears were spilling down your cheeks.

“That was the best time of my life,” you said in between bouts of laughter.

Robyn started laughing too and you two called a cab to head back to your hotel.

You tried not to dwell on your interaction with Chris. He had been nice and a bit flirty, but he was like that with all Stays. You had watched countless youtube compilations of your idols flirting with fans. It was normal. It was nothing special. That’s what you told yourself when you arrived back in your hotel room and your heart was still fluttering in your chest, refusing to return to its normal pace.

Hey, I’m going at my own pace, Chris would at least be proud of that.

You suddenly started laughing again at your own thoughts and told Robyn you were getting in the shower. She was probably very thankful for this, after the events of the day and the copious amounts of sweat you had shed. You turned on your slow kpop playlist and once again let the steam fill up the room while the water beat down on you. You put your head up against the tile wall of the shower and let the water envelop you.

I had an interaction with Chris. Fans have interactions with their idols all the time at concerts. He was very charismatic, you already knew that. Stop overthinking it and just be happy you made these memories with them, y/n.

Your heart rate began to slow and you focused on the water and the steady hum the shower made. Tomorrow you and Robyn were going into the city and it was going to be a good day. You were going to have a good day with your friend and recount concert memories. Life was good.

You stepped out of the shower and grabbed your phone to turn off the playlist. Butterfly by BTS was playing and you were about to sing along for a few words when you checked your notifications.

You had a few comments on your Instagram posts but your eyes glazed over when you saw what was next.

A notification from Kakao, a notification from none other than Christopher Bang himself.

#bang chan x reader #skz smut #skz fics #stray kids smut #stray kids fics #bang chan fic #bang chan smut

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