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twi-liight · 1 year

Note

Hello gorgeous! I love the way you write Astarion :) could I please request a fic where the reader (female or non-binary your choice!) has a nightmare and comes to our favorite vampire for comfort? Love you work, I totally understand if this doesn’t spark inspiration!

Phantom Heartache ❣

Brave, sad Alfira. All she yearned for was to carry Lihala's legacy to Baldur's Gate, but thanks to the Dark Urge, the furthest she went was to Tav's camp. That was all she could ever amount to. Slay a thousand enemies. Be pierced by a million blades. Nothing ever compares to the pain of her loss at their hands. ❥ DarkUrge!Tav spoilers for Act 1. ❥ Astarion/Tav. ❥ They/them pronouns for Tav. ❥ Tav is the nickname for the oc/reader insert. Their real name is up to you!

At the crest of their slumber, when inky tendrils drag them gently into the arms of deep sleep, Tav comes home to her.

Dreams cannot fool them easily. Too many have come and gone with promises of power and blood for them to dismiss them as simple yearnings of the mind when they are fast asleep. They know, on a shallow, muted level that this is a dream, that this isn't reality. That none of this is real and it doesn't mean anything.

But there Alfira stands, nothing like the day she left this world. Her purple locks drift in the waters around them. Despite the depths of the ocean, sunlight pierces through the darkness and glitters on her.

"Alfira," they croak out. They speak her name into existence and their heart splits in two.

"Tav," Alfira whispers. Her brows furrow the same way she did whenever she thought too hard. Her lips pucker and set like she's recited these words too many times before. "You have to know something. Something important. I-... Please, just listen."

When they reach out for her, she takes their hands. They wander the ocean depths with no true purpose or destination. It hurts so much. The guilt could crush them before the inevitable dooms along the horizon. It takes all of their strength to say, "I'm so sorry, Alfira."

She shakes her head. Sunbeams catch tears welling up in her ocher eyes. "I know you are. I know you." Alfira clasps their hands tight, warm and comforting, filled with assurance. "You've done so much for us. Thank you, Tav."

Silence overwhelms Tav at that moment, crushing their neck in one fell swoop. They can't breathe. It hurts, and they can't breathe.

"I'm sorry, too. For all the love you gave me that I can't repay, I'm sorry." Alfira whispers, her voice breaking in too many places. The warmth from her hands disappears, and they realize she's letting them go.

"Tav," she says one last time, their last image of her reaching for them as the distance grows wider and wider.

Tav. Tav. Tav. Tav. Tav. Tav. Tav!

"Tav!"

Astarion breaks the connection. Suddenly and all at once, they've surfaced from the waters back to reality, where air is shoveled into their drowned lungs.

All at once, faces and voices. They heave, doubling over as they push themselves upright. Nausea hits them fast and hard but they don't care. Shadowheart, Gale, Karlach, Lae'zel, Wyll - a few paces behind them, Jaheira and Halsin gaze down at her with a somber expression. Closest to them, with his hands closed around their inner elbow is Astarion.

"Tav," he says, softer this time.

Tav, Alfira chokes out. Tav. I'm so sorry.

No. "No." No, no, no, sorry for what? Come back, Alfira. What are you apologizing for, I was the one who-

The vision tightens around their skull like molten iron. The tadpole squirms, receding from the shameful memory of Alfira's corpse, defiled and destroyed. In her eyes, they see themselves.

They were her friend. And they let her die screaming and alone.

"Away," Tav breathes out. It's so weak that it's just a whittled breath, but the strength behind them gives pause to everyone around.

Astarion's hands flinch back, but by then it's too late. It's too much. Their tadpole activates a defense mechanism and power crumbles from the depths of their mind. They struggle away from their companions, roaring out, "I commanded you!"

Waves of ilithid energy break through their portcullis - Karlach audibly yelps in pain, struggling against the barrage of mental energy. "Tav-- damn it, we're trying to--" Wyll's hand lashes out to steady her, only to recede as it flies back to clutch his head in pain. "-- Help you!"

"Gale!" Shadowheart cries, nearly buckling to the floor as the full weight of Tav's prowess pours into her mind, threatening to snap it in two. "Can you-- is there a--"

They lock eyes with Gale, who shoots them a pleading look. "Enough," he begs, holding up his shaky hands as a sign of surrender. "Tav, enough. It's alright."

"It's not," they whisper. It's hard to speak when their breaths are too fast, too raggedy, too stuttered to be anything but a cornered animal floundering for air. They don't notice it. They choke on lungfuls of breaths as they wrap their arms around their waist.

"It's not," they repeat again. Something shifts in the air. Power. Arcane power snapping to Gale's fingertips. Their tadpole twists with alarm. He's trying to hurt you. He doesn't want to understand. None of them understand, they're just using you.

Gale points his finger out, aiming for something behind them.

Enraged, they reach deep into the recesses of their mind for the reservoir of power. To sink their fingertips deep in it feels so alien but familiar. Like pushing their hands into a pool of thick blood, warm and fresh.

Wait. No. No, this is not the tadpole's power. This is...

Kill them, Tav. Before they hurt you. Before you hurt them.

Like what you did to me, Alfira whispers in their ear.

Something inside them breaks into two. It shatters into pieces and pulls out everything they have been hiding; the misery, the weight, the guilt, the howling wail that rings in the air as they crumble in on themselves. Hot, wet tears run down their cheeks, and it's too much.

They can't bear it. It's too much.

"Hey hey hey hey, shh shh shh," Astarion's hands cup around their ears. The remnants of Gale's magic outline him in a misty purple. When had he gotten to them so fast? They don't know. They don't understand. "Look at me, sweetheart."

They can't. Everyone around them is looking at them like they're a stranger. Shadowheart's shell-shocked expression sends a ringing ache down their spine; she is looking at them with pity and concern and fear.

"Let them breathe," Jaheira commands. When no one moves, her voice comes out sharper. "Go! Now. Ready yourselves for a long rest and give them space. You will only make it worse for them. Astarion-"

"I can handle this," Astarion murmurs. Jaheira nods, leading the companions away from the bedrolls.

"Please," Astarion pleads, rubbing circles into their cheeks with his thumbs. "Look at me. Why the tears? You know I hate tears. It is unbecoming of you to tarnish your otherwise candid expression with that face. You go from beautiful to an ugly little duck in less than a second."

"I can't," they choke out. Sobs push in between breaths and words, and they shake their head, suddenly just as afraid as the rest of them.

"You can," he murmurs. "What are you so afraid of, darling? It's just me."

It is just Astarion.

Tentatively, they lift their eyes. When they gaze into him, they find no fear or judgment. There is no anger, either, despite what they had just done and what they were going to do. His stare is forlorn and quiet. His noble brow furrows slightly, contemplative, trying to find something in their eyes.

"There you are," he says, his voice so gentle it could have been a trick of the wind. "Tav of mine."

An aching, dull pain spreads across their chest, and their body seems to understand that the only way to relieve it is to cry. Their shoulders shake, and their lungs are sore, but it doesn't stop the biting sobs from pushing out.

"Astarion," Tav begs, hands catching his wrists and holding onto them tightly. "I hurt her, I-- hah-- hurt, Alfira-"

"I know," Astarion croons.

"I killed her."

"I know."

"She was my friend and I--"

"And you betrayed her." He kisses their knuckles tenderly. "I know. Shh, shh. Oh, gods below. I dreaded the day I'd see you cry. You know why?"

"Because I'm ugly?" They hic-sob, pathetically.

He scoffs, but it sounds oddly fond. "No." Pause. Slight amusement in his wine-red eyes. "Well, yes, in this moment, you are a travesty."

They sob.

"Oh, but don't take that the wrong way, you know I can't stand to see you so hurt. What am I supposed to do, hm? Hold you until the morning comes?" His hand guides their head to the crook of his neck, where he hides them from the rest of the world.

No prying eyes can find them, now. No judgment. No words to say about the hell that they unleashed. Into the shadows, where they're safe in his embrace, where he will keep them until they decide it is time to go.

"You know I will," he murmurs into the crown of their head. "I would hold you through it all, my love. You could become the most hateful monster, covered in the blood of the undeserving, your ledger as red as an apple..."

Astarion shuts his eyes.

"... And still, I would hold you and vow to never let go. Shed your tears for the wrongs you have committed. The blood you have spilled. I don't care. So long as are my Tav, that is all that matters."

They close their eyes, tears spilling down their cheeks. Their dreamless sleep is peaceful. It is empty.

❥ Additional links: kofi | ao3