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unhingedgirlsdiary · 4 months ago

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entry n°2 - 03.03.25

god only knows how much i want him to go home, and what i would do for everyone to just forget about my existence. i don't want to exist, fuck it's too much responsibilities. i cannot take accountability for everything in everyone's life. am i responsible for your mother being a bad one ? girl mine is a tyrant, i can't handle annother one. your boyfriend is a shithead ? COOL, mine too, and i don't know what to do with him.

gosh...

maybe i should go out more. i haven't been clubbing since like... for two years ?! i'm way too cluttered in my own room. i'm like a turtle in it's shell and i can't get out. i mean, yes, it may be because of my autism, but nobody forced me to stay like this ? i could say fuck off and go do drxgs or smth... but i'm scared of the world.

#girl stuff #girl journal #girls diary #unhingedgirlsdiary #journal #aesthetic #writting #not so aesthetic bitch #help i'm introvert #does anybody knows what it feels like ?

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prismaticsaltedink · 8 months ago

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Scoria and Sakura are best friends! It's so cute when I see the things they do together, and it makes me so beyond happy that they both came to live with me so that they could share their lives with each other. They absolutely insist on it, and does so much good for the other.

I can't imagine how else they could have found happiness if things hadn't worked out exactly as they did. Scoria has basically been Sakura's "emotional support snake" while she worked through things from her past I'll never fully know that caused her a lot of issues with panic and fear. Sakura knows this too, and looks out for her sister, the only one she truly trusts and feels completely safe with.

The moment they wake up they both want each other to snuggle and play with. Scoria loves to be affectionate with both me and her sister who seems to have not had this earlier in her life- but Scoria is showing her how nice it is not only directly but demonstrating with me and Sakura also trying, copying what she has seen her sister do.

Sometimes when one goes to check on the other they'll join in on... I'm not even sure what they were doing. But they had a good time while taking a mandated union break from digging tunnels for the isopods.

So happy I get to share in the adventures of these two best friends! It makes me so happy to see them living their best lives together, and being beyond content snuggled together with their found family.

#cute #pets #snakes #friends #animals #I think Sakura tried copying Scoria and didn't quite get the full memo #So she went down the front bark and Scoria went down the back which leads into diggy dirt #And Sakura was like #“I followed friend into bark but where is friend???”#Meanwhile Scoria was probably oblivious her little sister was trying to find her & she may was well have her front half going into a portal #Eventually they found each other fully #And were very clear they prefer their home far more than this enclosure they helped build tunnels for #I'm glad to know they like their home #While I do want to make it more aesthetically pleasing #the current focus was filling it with things they enjoy #Specifically things they have a lot of fun playing with or on #I want their home to be the place they feel safe but also enjoy being in #not a prison #a bedroom #I think they like their enclosure but they sometimes don't want to go in it because they also really enjoy spending time with me #Scoria really does #but also communicates effectively when she is sleepy from playing and needs to rest #as much as they love each other when they go to sleep for the night they sleep alone #even with the option to stay near each other #I think this is nature rather than something I taught them by separating them into their own enclosures after play time #which makes me wonder if humans classified them as solitary just because they don't want room mates #like plenty of people i know choose to live alone but that doesn't mean they are introverts/solitary #I wonder if wild hoggies sleep alone (not counting brumation) and their social lives outside their den was completely ignored #Like I bet they live in a neighborhood or kingdom or whatever you want to call it #The fact they can communicate“I'm friendly let's be nice to each other”indicates a species that regularly comes into contact with each other

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tropicalcontinental · 7 months ago

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Derivative of a Derivative

#ai builds #animal investigator builds #Erm hello everyone I watched the series that one anon wanted me to watch and it may become a part of the regularly scheduled programming #T.V. Programming update over #Nicholas' design is a derivative of one my OC's design... which was a derivative of a character I liked #You can probably tell which OC #But also I think it fits Nicholas :]#Anyways group retching and choking amd sobbing starts in 10 minutes #Build 0.0.7 Dreams amiright chat haha (<- fucking losing it)#Mr. Eye to me feels like a childhood coping mechanism that doesn't apply to current Nicholas anymore #The whole trying to spark his creativity thing reminds of advise you'd give to a kid #But now Nick is an adult that is going through the wringer #Mr. Eye is hard to pin down in general #It's Nicholas' darkest thoughts and is also trying to help in it's own way and it's also extremely manipulative and it's an imaginary frien #And Nicholas' voice bleeds into Mr. Eye on Introvert Island #Also I'm aware of the whole Petscop inspiration thing #But I have never watched that series despite knowing of it (and watching the game theory video for it when I was younger)#Hm maybe it's time for me to get into webserieses in general #CL16 was the gateway!!! Help!!! Help meeee!!!

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arcandoria · 6 days ago

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it's a bit difficult for me to be constantly actively supportive of a lot of people at once, I always feel like I'm being repetitive or a nuisance or something of the sort - still learning how to do that I suppose

making templates and offering resources to the communities I'm in is just my way of showing gratitude or idk. trying to give something.

so forgive friends and moots if I'm bad at keeping in touch or having the right words to hype you or not enough energy to interact with everything but know I care (and try) <3

#halk.txt #I'm ND socially traumatized and an introvert #none of these help with you know Being Community Social #but I try to be part of it. my own way

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rileys-battlecats · 7 months ago

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was trying to figure out why I feel so Wrong rn and I think it's because I didn't follow my usual daily routine like At All and now my brain is freaking out. woke up at a vastly different time, had entirely different tasks throughout the day, took a nap at a weird time (to make up for the fact I had about 3 hours of sleep last night), zero human contact for the past 15 hours, and ate different food from usual (various leftovers from social events/thanksgiving, instead of cooking for myself like normal). and before I really realized that these were all things that were Bad For My Brain I was just wandering around my house like "why do I feel like garbage?? I've literally been outside so much today my brain should be happy"

ANYWAY here's to me not remembering I have issues with unstructured living because my days have been so similar for the past 4ish years that I straight up Forgot that things being too different too fast makes me crazy ✌️

#rye.txt #I'll be fine lol #the sudden shift in my daily schedule and my generally unhealthy eating today were the big things that made me feel Bad #so now that I am actually cognizant of this I can take steps to mitigate it tomorrow #god. what the hell did I even eat #leftover soup. that was breakfast (very out of my ordinary). uhh. a lot of pie (grandma made a ton for thanksgiving).#a tangerine that miiight have been on the edge of going bad #(thought I should eat a fruit. fruit did not improve status)#reheated popcorn chicken? that was not a good decision I felt so gross after eating that #hrm. ok my issue is that I feel like I Need To Eat These Leftovers So They Don't Go Bad #otherwise i'll be Wasting Perfectly Good Food #BUT. I don't want to eat it and eating it makes me feel generally unfulfilled and kinda blehg #ough. why can't I be normallllll #I'm also not dealing with the whole 'zero human contact' very well tbh. which is weird because I'm a deeply introverted person #and usually spend my days avoiding people like the plague #but idk. it's been literal years since I've spent and extended period of time completely alone #I don't knowwww i don't know #I'm gonna invite some friends over tomorrow and get them to help me eat these dang pies #ALSO. ITS BEEN REALLY COLD TODAY. AND I HAD TO BREAK INTO MY NEIGHBORS' HOUSE #(was not breaking in; I was trying to take care of their dogs since they're out of town)#(but their door code AND their garage door code weren't working #and I didn't have a physical key to use #so I had to push my way in through a back door that'd been blocked by a pile of boxes taller than my head #and squirm into their garage in order to get inside and take care of the dogs)#(was a very stressful way to spend my early waking hours)#i ALSO had to drive to the AIRPORT this morning which SUCKED. had to drop off family #which like I'm happy to help but also airports suck so much ass I hate them #anyway. today was sort of shitty #but mostly I only have myself to blame #did not structure my day well enough

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itsartsavvy · 3 months ago

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I get into this terrible cycle of not having enough energy to talk to my friends for a long time, but not talking to them makes my mental health worse, and thus I have less energy to talk to them, and therefore the cycle continues indefinitely

#talking to them for literally 5 minhtes tonight and I'm feeling better already #like I wasn't even feeling that bad #but my energy has been so low for so long #being so introverted but still a social creature is hard to balance #but i love my friends #they always welcome me back no matter how long it's been and i love them very much and appreciate that #it helps immensely

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bat-the-misfit · 4 months ago

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sei não

#he always seemed like a Si dom to me #the whole “studying the shapes and curves of the racing tracks and memorizing them to run on them better” seems like #Si and/or Ti for me #“he's planning it could be Ni” i feel like Ni would use what's he's seeing here and now (Se) and then plan on his mind where the road is #going and when it is going. they need to EXPERIENCE the road (Se) to predict. he was using data to predict (Si-esque).#the way he planned made me thing of Si because it feels he seemed to not want any unpredictable thing that #could make his performance more difficult and him rank lower aka lower Pe aka IxxJ.#also he seemed to use Te's problem solving to help Si in order to make his performance more efficient so nothing unexpected would happen #also he would close his eyes and imagine it with his mind's eye and body movements. Si-esque bc he is feeling the possibilities (Ne) with #his body in an “internal” “subjective” way (Si)#not in a “let's go there and explore the roads right now" (objective and Se-esque)#and the studying thing is not necessarily Ti but could be amplified by Ti bc Ti is obsessed with uncovering the mechanics of how things wor #so in case he has it... ISFJ. HOWEVER #the day he decided to speak up for the injustices drivers had to face bc of those stupid dudes who didn't care for their safety #kinda seemed like Fi to me. ISFJs use their Fe in a way that seems polite and would talk about injustices in a more discreet “delicate” way #maybe even indirect passive agressive way so they would express their (all racers) feelings without enraging the culprits #however senna showed how angry he felt with the situation. he outwardly complained and seemed rude.#this way off showing your anger in a RAW unfiltered way is extremely Fi-esque. he ignored his coach's (?) orders to be quiet #in order to express his innermost feelings #“but Si doms are ruler-followers!!” rules that make sense. if it breaks their morals and values (Fi) or their logical sense (Ti) they WILL #be against it. they're not blind to it bro. they don't follow everything by the book blindly. they are rational people just like other type #“but what about the tunnel thing???” he was describing his physical sensations. that's si. ni would be an intuition of what would happen. h #was describing his sensations in that moment. “then it's se!!” HIS OWN PHYSICAL SENSATIONS. se is OBJECTIVE. he was describing SUBJECTIVE #he literally stopped sensing the world around him the cheering and everything. that means he was focusing completely on the SUBJECT.#that means INTROVERSION. he was using an INTROVERTED function.#also just bc he's a racer doesn't mean he uses se.#i also saw some people saying he's an istp. seriously??? just bc he likes cars?????? learn mbti not astrology.#“bat why don't you post this whole text on pdb” i'm tired of people there i don't want anyone bothering me bye #anyway he's an ISTJ for me #tio morcego tá tagarela

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deepspaceclawstation · 5 days ago

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I hate to admit it but I feel so lonely here. I expected the language barrier to be a problem, whereas the real issues are the cultural barrier (I wouldn't really describe it as a 'shock') and the age gap (which factors in in weird ways)

It's weird talking to PhD students because most of them are younger than me but academically they are my seniors. Also weird talking to Bachelor's students because they view me as a senior but in my mind 3rd and 4th year students have seniority over me because they've been here for longer than I have. First year BTechs are mostly minors so it's easier to think of them as being junior but then I'm constantly overthinking my interactions with them because I fear I may come off as condescending or something. My classmates are low-key the most boring people I've ever met, and I'm probably the most boring person they've ever met, so while we get along well we don't really have any common interests or a shared sense of humour which makes casual conversation challenging. I only made it through the last year because of the queer friends I made here, and the queer club meetings which were the only bright spots in most of my weeks here

#Doesn't help that I've grown more introverted in the one year I've been here #Though I do see how I'm different from when I was younger. 20-year old me would not have survived this.#My best friend atm is a gay guy 7 years younger than me who asks me for (gay) relationship advice which is the funniest thing ever #considering I have never been in one AND have no interest in being in one #I have clarified this to him but he's adamant that it helps to have my perspective #which is wild because I literally have no idea what I'm talking about when I share my opinion like I'm pulling stuff out of my ass here #while my internal monologue is like 'this is so much effort for something which is supposed to bring you joy and contentment'#How do people even do romantic relationships like I understand being in love but the conventional relationship standards sound exhausting #What do you even talk about almost daily how do you not get on each other's nerves #I got carried away a bit there but seriously everything I learn about dating further turns me off it #But I'm also lonely? Make it make sense #I want to be friends with people but not 'casually' but to get there you kinda have to go through the casual phase

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shadowfromthestarlight · 15 days ago

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the frustration of being loved by extroverts as an introvert...

they always think you want something that you really don't, or that you want it more than you really do.

i think they just project their own deepest fears and deepest desires onto us. they think a life lived mostly alone is scary or sad and assume we feel the same way. they don't really understand that we can go sit in a cafe for two hours or go to the movies or go to a restaurant by ourselves and enjoy it, or wander in the woods alone and not be scared or just plain bored, or come home to no one at the end of a work day and be relieved to not have to talk to anyone. they don't understand that we can travel alone and have a great time. they think we want a lot of friends. they think we want to always be going to parties and events and that we feel sad when we're not "included." they think we want to be "at the club" when we really, really don't lol.

my parents keep suggesting all these social clubs and group outings i should explore because they worry about me and think i'm missing something when i'm on my own all the time. my mom was scared of me moving somewhere quiet and boring because she has like 30 friends and wants the same for me. she tells me her vision for my wedding (literally LOL as i type) because she worries about me spending my life alone. my friend who's married with kids tells me i should get married and have kids too because he wants me to be happy and doesn't think i can be happy alone. it's all out of love, i know... i know!!! but it is still. so. annoying. lol.

#introvert #i know i'm generalizing a lot #but i think that's the fundamental disconnect #they're not really trying to be mean #they just don't understand me and think they're being helpful when they're not lol

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farminglesbian · 10 months ago

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it's infuriating to me that there are still people - extroverts - who won't accept that introverts exist... why are you so irritated by the concept?

#'why don't you just go to social event where you don't know anybody (well) and chat up strangers and be relaxed about it?'#thanks. you're no help at all #or maybe i'm just shy or maybe it's social anxiety but can we as a society accept that not everybody is outgoing #or maybe i need some introverted friends #for a change. sigh #let me be!!!!!!!!

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tentglitch · 1 month ago

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I'm crashing tf out grandson

#luka.txt #vent #stuck between feeling guilty and annoying when I vent #and needing to vent so bad I feel like I'm gonna explode #like agh I don't want to be this gloomy inconvenience but also just keeping things to myself is agonizing #idk I'm more introverted and awkward but I do genuinely enjoy talking to people #and circling back to just feeling very lonely #but I'm so fucking sad all the time and just so reserved from past issues I don't feel like an interesting person #and I can't talk to people abt my struggles with this because it just feels like I'm guilt tripping them into being comforting and friendly #so I'm just alone and dying because I would rather suffer than even potentially bother someone #idk my fucking mood has been fluctuating like crazy but last couple days/week have been pretty bad #when the bipolar disorder makes you bipolar #how much are meds supposed to help because this shit feels impossible like when I'm entering a depressive episode everything is so bad #prob doesn't help that I'm having to attend therapy less frequently and also have postponed my med check twice now #I'm ngl part of it's because I don't wanna go like it does not feel like a judgement free space #idk how to explain it really but like I think a part of why I struggle to open up is fear of being judged #and it's just the way she talks and questions me idk it makes me uncomfortable even though I know breaking down these walls is going to #so maybe she's just doing her job idk #I lost the plot but I'm tired of talking so that's it for now #I'm curious if anyone actually ever reads these or if they just get swept through the void #idk which I'd prefer #I am so caught up in how I am percieved I cannot experience the joys of living 🥲#I hate it!! make it stop!!#my therapist has been trying to get me to be more understanding and gentle w/ these parts though #it is very hard because I'm just frustrated and sad but I'm trying #it's so easy to despise though because like I just want to be normal and happy why is this so hard #urgh I have to stop talking I'm gonna die #I haven't been that active lately due to this and a multitude of other things so uh idk when I'll be back again #I'll try to do less vent posts sorgy

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bookshelf-in-progress · 1 year ago

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It's a good sign I'm recovering from my creative slump that I was able to brainstorm a story that makes me laugh.

#all it took was one shot from the disney batb #beast made a face that was very expressive of the man underneath #and a retelling started forming as a cheerful version of the beast started chattering at me #lovely man #doesn't know how to shut up #it's a major issue between himself and his beauty #(who is introverted and serious and a bit cranky)#he insists on telling the story to his children #despite my doubts that he'll be an objective or honest narrator to these young ears #and even then he refuses to tell me most of the story #all i've got is his first dinner with beauty (did not go well)#and i'm like 'how did she go from that to wanting to marry you?'#and he's like 'i'm just irresistibly charming'#and i'm like 'clearly not because you just told me how she resisted you. why did she change her mind?'#and he's like 'idk. lack of options? i'm just thrilled it happened i'm not self-aware enough to figure out why'#and i'm all 'can you at least tell me what you did? it can't just be that you had long boring days in the palace #'and then she suddenly fell in love'#and he's like 'but what if it did happen that way though?'#and i'm like 'make something up! i don't want people to fall asleep reading this'#and he's like 'sorry can't help'#so i try to talk to beauty but she doesn't want to talk to strangers so i'm stuck #but what i do have is a very hopeful sign of returning creative health #for some reason even though i have a jillion batb ideas #the funny ones are the only ones i get interested in enough to actually write #we'll see if this becomes one of them #adventures in writing

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soulsxng · 11 months ago

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I'm about to be posting Fekik's character sheet in a minute, but the more I fill it out, the more I'm sitting here like "I miss you, I want you to interact with people more, I love you"

To which he's essentially giving me the disgusted look of "Ew, why would I want to do that?"

#[what is she getting us into now? -ooc-]#He's just a lot of fun even if he's difficult for interactions #Because of his more high and mighty personality #He tends to look at things around him with the attitude of '...why should I have to do or deal with /that/?' or like #'why should /I/ have to try to impress or win /them/ over?'#doesn't really care about anything the people around him are doing as long as it doesn't directly affect he/his family and friends/his real #all of which is balanced with his want to be able to help people and make some friends #really I'm just taking the roundabout way of saying that Fei is one of the most introverted people ever but also values himself very highly

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licorishh · 1 year ago

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Hey as a super introverted but not shy person I'd just like to say the jokes about extroverts "adopting" introverts to "get them out of their shell" are actually completely unfunny and it just goes to show how little respect a lot of y'all have for the fact that we genuinely don't want excessive social interaction and that y'all are forcing us to do something that brings us extreme physical and mental discomfort because you perceive our introversion as a failing rather than as purely a difference in personality.

We don't need your "help" to socialize. We're not children. We're simply not interested in spending every waking second of our lives talking to people and being talked at in return.

#again i scream from the rooftops that there is a monumental chasm between being shy and actually being an introvert #a shy person is someone who's afraid of social interaction. an extrovert can be naturally shy.#a shy person can WANT lots of social interaction but simply have not learned to feel comfortable in social situations.#people who are just very introverted simply have little desire or capacity for excessive human interaction.#we're not “afraid” of it. we just don't enjoy it and it wears us out.#you don't need to swoop in and save us because we can't handle ourselves. we're perfectly fine thank you #extroverts are constantly demanding that we get out of our comfort zones but few of you are willing to make the alternative more comfortabl #if you're a very extroverted person please do not take it upon yourself to jokingly “adopt” introverts you meet.#it's not funny and it's not helpful. it's irritating that you perceive our quietness and low social battery as something that needs “fixing #we won't miraculously learn to love and be comfortable with excessive human interaction. that's not how we're wired and that's OKAY #i'm honestly getting so sick of the “the lonely introvert and the extrovert who adopted them” memes #i can guarantee you that if you are an extrovert who operates this way then your introvert “friend” is actually probably very uncomfortable #and just don't want to say anything because they think it would be rude to bring up the fact that they don't want what you want from them #this does NOT mean extroverts and introverts cannot be friends nor am i saying all extroverts are annoying or that they all do this #i'm simply saying that if you are very extroverted and you have a friend who's very introverted #then it's on you to be aware of your introvert friend's limited social battery and STOP pressuring them to just “put up with it”#don't spend every second with them constantly talking. be willing to spend some time just in the quiet.#be willing to let them bow out of something if they're exhausted and are low on social energy.#don't expect them to want to come to every meeting or party or get-together because it WILL drain them completely.#be willing to let them spend time alone when they need to to recharge.#letting an introvert cool off and recharge when they need to is ALWAYS going to make social situations less stressful for them.#PLEAAAAASE take their feelings into account and understand that they do NOT perceive social interactions the way you do.#most very introverted people do not find socialization relaxing or invigorating. they don't do it to unwind #they have to unwind AFTER lots of social interaction #that's about it. thank you and good night

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lyriumrain · 1 year ago

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brother i cannot watch shows (fiction or reality shows) that feature people around my own age (aka early 30s). So many people have already been around the world, own their own companies, or at least have been in their jobs/pursuing their passions for 10-20 years, so they have all this experience and stories, and here i am feeling like a fucking 16 yr old cause i've never lived. I feel so stupid and childish all the goddamn time.

#skip talks #i was a very introverted kid #but if i'd been presented with realistic opportunities... i absolutely would've gone for them #but there were no opportunities. I never got the chance to do fucking anything.#because everything cost money that my parents couldnt afford #and by the time i got out of high school i genuinely though completing a bachelors degree would get me out of here #but it didnt. there was no work experience and no opportunities for distance students #i envy people who ''make things happen''. I'm not one of those people. i really needed guidance in my younger years #really needed someone to help me figure out HOW to pursue my dreams #instead i just got my parents judging my dreams and saying they're not realistic -#while simultaneously not offering any alternatives #sorry it's my midday mental breakdown time #i just want to live.....

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b4tkill4 · 5 months ago

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blind touch

hands that reach but never hold. my arm had gotten trapped under the dusty, thin blanket. i thought you couldn't see it at all.

that was far from true.

you saw it all too well, yet ignored it altogether.

i still look for you from underneath the cloudy drapes. i wish you'd stop laughing about the looks of it.

im too sore to pretend to laugh with you.

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