#hes had casual and serious (lisa) relationships with women

[stellernorth]

i know i’m x number of years late to the party of talking about this buuuut i just watched paint it black and what else could he possible have meant. that he wants a wife and kids? he had that with lisa and ben and it was nothing. and it’s said like he’s thinking of specific people/person and buddy the only person you know is castiel. so. like either he’s coming to terms with liking men or he has the most bizarre way in the history of the world of expressing he thinks he should fill out his life experience by going to college or BASE jumping or something

[tchallasbabymama]

Potential Breakup Fic

Yes, this is inspired by the re-release of the classic “Potential Breakup Song” by legends Aly & AJ. Check out the rest of my Masterlist HERE. Enjoy!

Word count: 2223

CW: Niggas aint shit. Kiana sat on her couch and tried not to cry into her glass of merlot. She took off her heels and got up to unzip her dress and take off her bra since she knew she wouldn’t be going anywhere tonight. She checked her phone again and was met with an empty screen. No notifications, no missed calls. She threw her phone down in anger, and was thankful when she noticed the screen didn’t crack.

“I can't believe this nigga.”

She looked at the clock and shook her head. It was 12:07am, and her 25th birthday was officially over without so much as a word from her boyfriend. Just last night he had told her to be ready by 7, and she hadn't heard from him since.

They had been together, on and off, for three years. They met their junior year at Howard, but didn’t hit it off right away. He was too slick for her liking, but over time he eventually weaseled his way into her heart. His smile lit up the whole room and his big brown eyes could seduce anyone just like that. And he did, constantly. T’Challa was a huge flirt, and it was cute when they were still single and just getting to know each other, but even now T’Challa turns his charm on for every pretty face he sees. Kiana had brought it up to him many times, letting him know how disrespected she felt. He would always say the same thing.

“But entle, I’m just being nice. You know I only have eyes for you.”

She did know that once, but that ended about a year and a half ago when she was casually scrolling through twitter on his phone and caught him cheating.

“T’Challa!”

“Yes, my love?”

“What the fuck is this?!”

“Why are you on my phone?!”

“Don't fucking raise your voice at me, I’m not in the wrong here. I saw a funny tweet and started scrolling when YOU got a text from some bitch named Jasmine talking bout ‘I miss you daddy’ and sending you pictures of her pussy. Care to explain?”

He reached for the phone and she pulled it away from him.

“Nah-uh, talk.”

He sighed in exasperation. 

“If you give me the phone I can explain, sithan-”

“Don’t you fucking ‘sweetheart’ me, answer the goddamn question. How long, T’Challa?!”

“Just once. Eh, one and a half maybe-”

He was interrupted by a throw pillow to the head.

“How the fuck do you halfway cheat nigga?!”

“She just gave me head the first ti-”

“That’s still cheating!”

“Will you lower your voice? You have neighbors.”

“Fuck! Them! Did you even use a condom?”

“Yes, Kiana I’m not-”

“Stupid? You’re not stupid?” Kiana laughed. “Get the fuck out of my apartment.”

“My love, I-”

“Oh now I’m your love? Where the fuck was that energy when you were balls deep in this other bitch?!”

T’Challa stood there dumbstruck. He had never seen Kiana get this angry and didn’t know what to say. He knew he was wrong when he did it, but seeing the tears streaming down her face made him truly regret what he’d done. She had been so busy with school and work that she barely had time for him anymore. He had needs and just so happened to stumble upon someone more than willing to fulfil them. 

He cursed himself for not locking his phone or at the very least, turning it over. 

“How many, T’Challa...” Kiana sniffled.

“I told you, it was only twice-”

“How many women?!”

He froze, not knowing if he should mention Lisa since that was so much earlier in their relationship.

“Oh my god...oh my god...oh my- are you fucking serious?! I-I have to...I have to go get tested, I-”

“Kia-”

“What?!”

She looked at him with such fierceness that he shrunk under her gaze.

“I-I am sorry, I didn’t do it to hurt you, I was-”

He was stopped by a heavy-handed slap across his cheek that nearly knocked him over.

“Get the fuck out.” She said, barely above a whisper.

Six months later they ran into each other in the grocery store and decided to catch up over a cup of coffee. Kiana had healed and moved on, but T’Challa was still stuck on her. They had spent almost two good years together before he ruined what they had, and he just couldn’t let it go. He loved her, and he was determined to make it work this time.

Or so he really, truly thought before he met Marci...and Tanisha...

T’Challa knew he wasn’t a one-woman man, but he just couldn’t let Kiana go. His dalliances were never serious, just enough to scratch his constant itching. Sometimes they were a one-time thing, but others stuck around if they were good enough and knew how to be discreet. No matter what though, he always came back home to Kiana because despite his trash behavior, he really did love her in his own toxic way.

However, he didn’t love her enough to double check his calendar before leaving work on her birthday, or any day leading up to it. He had forgotten what day it was, and when he told Kiana to be ready at 7 he just meant for a regular date night. 

It had been a long day at the Wakandan Embassy and Kiana’s Prince Charming needed a drink more than anything. He stopped at the first bar he came across that looked halfway decent. T’Challa walked up to the bar and caught the eye of the beautiful barkeep.

“Hiya, what can I do for you?”

T’Challa smiled his panty-dropping smile and she smiled back, revealing her perfect, white teeth. There was nothing he loved more than a pretty smile.

“Well, miss…”

“Tanisha,” she responded while using both arms to mix a shaker full of liquid courage and ice. His eyes avoided her chest, slyly watching in the periphery only. 

“Well, Miss Tanisha, I had a horrible day at work and I am in need of a whiskey on the rocks. Preferably Jack, but truly anything will do.”

“We all have those days honey. Here’s a double on the house,” she said as she slid the drink to him across the bar top with a wink.

T’Challa licked his lips and lifted his glass to her before taking a sip of the warm amber liquid. He let out a sigh and his day seemed to melt away. 

Tanisha kept coming back to check on him and they would chat when the crowd died down. T’Challa was on his third double when she came over with a plate of wings.

“You’re an angel.” He dug into the wings and made a complete mess on his shirt, so he went to the bathroom to try to wash the stain out. On his way back to the bar he noticed a very tall and sweaty man leaning over the bar trying to talk to Tanisha. From what he could see, she wasn’t feeling the conversation, but he kept approaching her anyway. When T’Challa returned to his seat she immediately gravitated towards him. This angered Mr. Tall and Sweaty, who drunkenly attempted to punch T’Challa in the face. T’Challa dodged the lazy punch and knocked him out cold with one hit. Security saw the whole thing go down, and removed Tall and Sweaty from the building once he came to. 

“What you got planned for the night, handsome?”

“Nothing at all, why do you ask?”

“I get off at 9, wanna hang out?”

“Absolutely.”

“Good, now here’s a water.”

“Thank you, angel.”

By 10pm he was already halfway inside her, and when his phone started vibrating he was too wrapped up in her to think anything of it. Without looking he quieted the annoying sound and turned the phone off so he could focus on the task at hand.

Two and a half hours later, T’Challa was creeping out of Tanisha’s bed right as Kiana was sliding into hers. She had washed off all her makeup, but she didn’t have the emotional energy to tie up her hair. Normally she would wear one of T’Challa’s t-shirts, but she was too angry with him so she slept in a cute nighty she never wore. She admired herself in the mirror for half a second before bursting into tears and pulling the covers up to her head. She tried to stop crying, but the tears kept coming and she eventually gave herself a headache. How could he miss her birthday?

Kiana got up and threw on her plush maroon robe before she padded to the bathroom to grab some Advil. On the way she noticed her phone getting multiple notifications, the first of which was from her best friend Bebe.

“Have u seen this?! Sis, I’m so sorry. When we slashing his tires? Just 3 tho, this nigga needs to pay $$$.”

“What the fuck is she talking about?”

Kiana clicked the link and saw that it was Bebe’s cousin Darrell’s Instagram Story. Apparently there was a fight at the bar where he was celebrating a coworker’s promotion and he had filmed it for all of Instagram to see. Kayla stared at her phone in shock. There was her aint-shit boyfriend at a goddamn bar on her fucking birthday. She watched him punch a guy in the face on her birthday. At a bar. Without her.

She thought the kicker came when she saw him turn around and flirt with the bartender, but the story after that just about killed her. There he was, leading her out the back door with his hand too far down on her lower back to be simply platonic. Even the caption read “Ooooh someone’s about to get some ‘thank you’ pussy. That damsel in distress pussy hit different!”

Kiana saw red and almost cracked her phone for a second time tonight. 

She grabbed the remaining merlot and downed it before throwing the bottle at the picture of them on the fridge. She watched the glass shatter and cut their faces while the trace bit of deep red wine seeped down the picture like blood. She wanted to trash the whole place, but remembered she would have to clean it later. Kiana started to hyperventilate and felt like she needed to get some air when she heard the lock turn.

“Kiki, what are you doin- are you ok? What happened here?”

Kiana ignored him as she walked towards where she threw her phone, silently pulling up the story and handing it to him. She watched his face go from confused, to shocked, to fearful. No regret, though. 

“Ki-”

“Give me your key.”

“Kiana, please let me-”

“The key. Now,” she said with her voice completely devoid of any emotion.

T’Challa assumed she would be angry and yell or throw things, but this quiet storm terrified him. To him, it felt like she didn’t even care anymore. He was right.

He slowly reached his hand out and she snatched the key ring, removing hers and tossing the rest back to him.

“I’ll have your stuff packed by the morning. It’ll be outside my door by 8am. If it’s still there when I get back from work it’s going in the trash.”

T’Challa couldn’t bear the coldness in her voice. Tears rolled down his face and his knees buckled.

“Kiana, please. I can explain, I didn-”

“I don't give a fuck what you did or didnt do. You know why?”

“W-why?”

“Because it was my birthday, T’Challa. MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY and YOU forgot it. Not only did you forget it, my gift was you fucking some other bitch and leaving me lonely yet again. So no, I don't care if you fucked her or not even though I know your sorry ass did. I know she’s probably not the only one because I saw how easily you slid on in there in that video. You were way too comfortable, so I don't even want to ask you how many because it doesnt fucking matter anymore. Now you can stick your dick in every fine ass Black girl you see without remorse, oh wait...you were already doing that. So fuck you, get out my apartment before I call my brothers.”

“Kiana…”

“5, 4, 3,...” Kiana counted as she dialed her eldest brother Trey’s number, ignoring T'Challa's pathetic excuses. “2, 1… Hey Trey, I’m sorry did I wake you up?...Yeah I have a situat- oh look at that, his bitch ass is leaving-”

“I am sorry, Kiana,” T’Challa said one last time before she slammed the door in his face. He could hear her on the other side of the door explaining the situation to her brother, and when she started to cry it finally hit him. Her wails broke his spirit and more tears fell from his eyes. 

He knew Trey would be over soon to comfort his baby sister and he needed to get the hell out of dodge, so T’Challa left Kiana’s apartment and never came back. Not even for his things, which turned out to be the best thing for Kiana because she and her girls got to burn it all up in Trey’s backyard fire pit and finally release that toxic man from her life.

[judylicious]

And When He Smiles I Swear I Can’t Breathe

Alan Rubin x fem!Reader

Word count: 1,996

Fandom: Blues Brothers

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Blues Brothers characters or movies. This refers to Alan Rubin as a character in the movie, not the real Alan (although he obvsly played himself but you know what I mean)

I’d like to add that I made everyone of the band a few years younger (so the age gap between the reader and Alan isn’t that big), so he’s approx. in his early 30s.

Sophia & Lisa are two OCs created by two lovely people within the fandom.

Warnings: swearing, mentions of violence, COs having some kind of breakdown

So the next two chapters are gonna be somewhat of a bumpy ride for Charlotte. Just please stay and bear with me until the end of chapter 4, when the magic starts happening. Xx

Chapter III

The next morning Charlotte was having breakfast with her family. “I didn’t hear you coming home last night.” Her dad gave her a harsh look. “Well, yes it got pretty late. I fell asleep during the last movie and the girls felt so sorry for me they didn’t wanna wake me up!” She laughed, trying to lighten up the mood but her father just starred at her emotionless. “I’m sorry, dad. I promise it won’t happen again.”, she added in a apologising tone, which seemed to soothe him. “What films did you watch?”, her sister asked curiously. Charlotte looked at her with big eyes. What the hell? She knew her sister asked that without any ulterior motive, it was just her way but still… “You know, those classic ones. Halloween and some romcom in the end to lift everyone’s spirits.” 

“Was it worth watching?” Oh for crying out loud! Thankfully the phone starting ringing, Charlotte’s mother picked it up. “Hello, Sylvia Ellington speaking.... Hun, it’s for you, it’s Lisa!” The girl quickly jumped to her feet. “May I take it in my room, please?” Her mother looked at her husband and gave her daughter a quick nod. In her room Charlotte took the phone to sit on her bed. “Lisa?” “Hiya!” “How was your evening with Lou? Did you…?” “Naah, we didn’t. But it was lovely seeing him again, I missed him so much. He’s just so shy sometimes. I mean I love that about him, I just wish he’d take the initiative more often.” “I’m sure he will eventually. It was your third date after all. Take it as a compliment that he ain’t rushing things and wants you both to be ready.” “I hope you’re right. Sooo…? You and Alan? I saw you two leave…?” “Yeah, yeah stop it right there. He took me home like a gentleman.” “BORING! Nah, I’m just kidding.” Charlotte sighed. “You know, I like him but I don’t know anything about him. Is he single or seeing anyone? Perhaps he was just trying to be friendly, taking the opportunity for a nice drink. No more, no less.” “Just ask him out on a date, pretty sure his reaction will tell.” “And what if he’s interested in a casual hook-up only? I don’t wanna make a fool out of myself.” “I’m afraid you won’t know if you don’t try.” “Hmm.. But I know someone who DOES know! Lou! I’m sure he knows what’s going on in Alan’s life, you always told me there were close.” “Yeah but.. I don’t know. It would feel strange asking Lou about Alan for you.” Both girls were silent for a moment. “Wait, I’ve got an idea.” Lisa said excitedly. “I’m meeting Lou in his lunch break at the cafe tomorrow noon. You could accidentally bump into us and join us.” Charlotte giggled. “Sounds perfect. I see you then!”

The next day Lisa opened the door to the small Soul Food Café on Maxwell Street and greeted the waitress with a warm smile. “Hi Mrs. Murphy!” “Hello sugar, nice to see you again.” Lisa sticked her head in the kitchen. “Hey Lou!” He looked up from the dishes and his face lighted up the moment he saw his girl. “Give me a minute, babe. Right with you.” Lisa smiled and chose a table at the window. She ordered Lou’s and her favourite dish and watched him as he left the kitchen. He quickly pulled off his hair net and gave her a kiss before sitting down. “Food’s already on it’s way.” He grabbed her hand and caressed it with his thumb. “I’m so happy to be back after our tour. I love performing with the boys but I felt sorry for leaving you so early in our relationship.” He softly brushed a strain out of her face when he got interrupted by someone banging against the window. Charlotte. She quickly walked inside. “Oh my God what are you two doing here?” “Well for starters, I work here.” “Would you like to join us, Charlie?” “Sure, why not, thanks. How are you two doing?” “Good thanks, we were about to have lunch.” The tall, handsome man said. The girls gave each other a look, without saying a word. Lou’s eyes wandered from one girl to the other and back again. “You two are terrible actors, you know that.” And he started to laugh. “Why are you here, Charlotte?” “I’m sorry, Lou. It’s because of Alan. I had a lovely time with him the other night and was wondering, is he dating anyone recently?” “Hard to tell, really. I mean with us touring in the last couple of months, it was difficult for all of us to meet anyone at all. I know that he used to see a woman named Lari. They also met a few times when we where on tour. Think she owns her own business, forcing her to travel quite a lot through the states.” “Are they… dating? I mean is it anything serious?” “I don’t even know if they still see each other.” “So nothing serious?” Charlotte kept pestering him. Lou sighed. “Listen, Alan’s one of my best mates but you should know that he’s quite popular with the ladies. Even I can see how good looking he is. Every concert he had some other woman showing up for him backstage and I can’t remember the last time he was in a serious commitment.” He could see the disappointment and sadness in Charlotte’s face and felt sorry for her. “But you’ll never know. Perhaps when the right one crosses his way.” “I heard you, Lou. but thanks for the effort to cheer me up.” She quickly got up from her seat “Really sorry for spoiling your little date.” And with that she left the cafe, Lisa running after her. “Charlie wait, please!” She finally had caught up with her. “I’m sorry Lou didn’t tell you what you’ve wanted to hear.” “It doesn’t matter okay? I don’t even know why I got my hopes up in the first place, we had a drink, that’s all.” Lisa looked at her friend with compassion in her eyes, grabbing on of Charlotte’s hands. “I guess, Alan’s been the first one who showed any interest in me for quite some time and it felt nice.” She looked down at her hands, fiddling around. “Honey I’m sure someone will come along eventually.” “Right, and as soon as the meet my dad they’ll keep running away.” “Don’t you think it’s time to move out? Sophia got her own place, too.” “I already told you, I can’t. It’s complicated. I don’t expect you to understand.” She freed herself from Lisa hand and started walking down the street. “Charlotte!” But she started to walk faster until she ran, disappearing in the crowd on the streets. Lisa went back inside the cafe and sat next to Lou, who softly put his arm around his girl. “I’m sorry for what I’ve said, I didn’t think she’d take it so hard.” She gave him a quick snog on his cheek, reassuring him that her friend would be okay, though she couldn’t stop thinking about her and how hurt she was.

Charlotte got home around dinner time and found her mother in the kitchen preparing food. “Mum?” She leaned against the worktop, resting on her elbows. “I’m thinking about moving out.” Her mother dropped the knife and looked at her concerned. “This again? Don’t let your father hear about your ideas.” “What ideas?” The two women were startled and turned their back to face Charlotte’s father, who had gotten back from work. “I still wanna get my own place, dad!” “I thought we’ve talked about this way too often, Charlotte.” “But I’m old enough, I could get a job and pay for the rent of a little room myself.” She watched him pouring a glass of whiskey and taking a sip. “Dad?!” He crashed the glass down onto the table. “This still ins’t open for discussion! As long as I’m paying for your education, you stay where I can keep an eye on you!” He said angry. “No one’s asking you to pay.”,  Charlotte mumbled away and was about to leave the room. “What did you just say?” “Nothing!… Right so perhaps I don’t wanna study law.” “Don’t you forget that your mother and I had to go through a lot of trouble to get you that college place, considering your poor grades.” He walked towards her with big steps, shaking his finger at her. “Well, would have been nice if you had asked me before.” “Do you even listen to what you’re saying?! Have we left our manners at the door once more?” He was furious and discounted his glass from the kitchen table in one motion. Charlotte hated seeing him like this and it was one of those moments when she had to decide whether to retreat, displaying her fear of him or stand her ground, and for the first time ever she decided for the letter. When her father got closer, she could feel her knees began to buckle, she was trembling. Suddenly he grabbed her throat, pushing her head up and forcing her to look at him. “Once in your poor, miserable life you got the chance to do something useful with it. And we’re sticking it up your erse. Show some fuckin gratitude. If it wasn’t for you mother you wouldn’t even be standing here!” He yelled at his daughter wrathful and she felt his spit on her face. She knew what he meant by that. She knew that her father didn’t want her, when her mom, his girlfriend at that time, told him she was pregnant with his kid. “And clean up this mess! Your mother doesn’t have to do everything around here.” He added before he left hold of her and stormed out.

As it got dark Charlotte checked on her parents in the living room, both had fallen asleep in their armchairs. She left the house for a walk, which would hopefully get her mind off her toxic parents. She wasn’t living far away form Chicago city, so eventually she bought herself a beer at some street shop and set down on the pavement between two parked cars, hugging her knees. I will be stuck with them until I’ve finished college. If I finish at all. If he doesn’t care for me why doesn’t he let me go. It wasn’t the first time that night when she thought about just leaving, running away from her family.

And then she heard it. His laugh. His warm and soft giggle. She looked up but couldn’t see no one. There it was again. And then she saw him. He was walking on the other side of the road. A lady at his side, one arm tugged into him. She was absolutely gorgeous, tall, long, straight blond hair, wearing heels, a mini skirt underlining her stunning long legs and as it seemed his jacket hang over her shoulders. They both were laughing and smiling at each other. And Charlotte felt a deep, sharp pain in her heart. She was purely crushed seeing him with another woman. And before she knew it they were out of her sight, disappearing behind some cars.

She laid her head on her arms, squinting her bleary eyes. She wasn’t angry with him. But with herself. Disappointed she had left him into her heart so early, without knowing so less of him. And she felt stupid, like a teenager for getting her hopes up only because she liked him, only because he was nice to her. She felt stupid for believing a man like him could be interested in someone like her, when he could be with an actor or a model, literally anyone.  And a single tear ran down her cheek before she started weeping into her arms, trying to wash away the entire day.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

[tabloidtoc]

OK, March 8

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Bruce Springsteen

Page 1: Big Pic -- as part of Coach's latest campaign Jennifer Lopez posed with a supersized pink version of their new Pillow Tabby purse

Page 2: Contents

Page 3: Contents

Page 4: Chris Harrison gone for good? The Bachelor host's future with the show remains uncertain after his controversial interview with Rachel Lindsay

Page 6: Since the start of his career Justin Timberlake has endured his fair share of scandals but after welcoming his second son with wife Jessica Biel over the summer and celebrating his 40th birthday, he is confessing that he feels immense guilt about the past and he won't be making the same mistakes in the future -- Justin's done some soul-searching and accepts that he's wronged a lot of people over the years with his own terrible mistakes and he says he's still a work in progress, but step one has been to stand up and admit he's hurt too many women -- in addition to a boozy night out with his Palmer costar Alisha Wainwright in 2019 and his part in the now-infamous Nipplegate incident with Janet Jackson at the 2004 Super Bowl, Justin recently came under fire again due to the documentary Framing Britney Spears which showed him exploiting his breakup from Britney Spears to help his solo career -- Justin's learned from his mistakes and has a lot more sensitivity about the impact of his actions on other people and that's the big difference between the Justin of today and his old, immature self and that self-awareness was evident in an emotional statement that he posted apologizing to both Britney and Janet for the errors in his ways -- his words drew praise from his wife Jessica who says he's come a long way as a husband, a father and more importantly, a human being

Page 7: Wendy Williams is on the prowl for a new man and he's got to be husband material and she is ready for a serious commitment -- Wendy's been staying up until all hours of the night checking out guys online and on exclusive dating apps and she wants someone age-appropriate, fun, kind, independent and of course has no history of cheating -- she's feeling very optimistic and even buying new perfume and clothes and jewelry for all the dates she hopes to have once lockdown lifts

* Texas native Matthew McConaughey is seriously considering throwing his hat in the ring to become the state's next governor -- he's been putting out feelers to see if he's got sufficient support and if enough donors are willing to write checks, he'd mount an aggressive run in 2022 -- he's already gotten the thumbs-up from his wife Camila Alves and their three kids -- at this point, he needs to see an actual path to winning because he's not interested in just making a protest statement; don't be fooled by his aw-shucks attitude, Matthew means business

* Now that Keeping Up With the Kardashians is coming to an end, the hunt is on for a new family to replace the clan and one reality pro is poised to nab the prize: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Lisa Rinna -- there's already been talk about Lisa picking up the torch and her family is camera ready, consisting of husband Harry Hamlin, and their daughters Delilah Hamlin who's dating Love Island's Eyal Booker and Amelia Hamlin who's dating Scott Disick

Page 8: Things keep going from bad to worse for Armie Hammer -- he was forced to drop out of his upcoming movie Shotgun Wedding with Jennifer Lopez after direct messages he allegedly sent to women in which he described himself as a cannibal and detailed disturbing sexual fantasies were leaked online -- Armie was also fired by his talent agency WME and now the disgraced star may get cut from his new film Next Goal Wins which has already been shot -- he's radioactive and everybody knows it and his completed but unreleased work is getting a second look as studios want to do damage control, and that includes another of his finished projects Death on the Nile where his part could end up on the cutting room floor -- he's a pariah now and it's hard to see how he's ever going to come back from this

* Jennifer Aniston has always had a spiritual side but these days she is taking things to a whole new plane -- Jen has surrounded herself with psychics and has been doing Goddess Circles with the same group of close friends for 30 years, but now she's taking courses to learn to heal herself and be her own guru -- BFF Courteney Cox has been a big influence and Jen's learned a lot from Courteney, who's had a long-term interest in mediums, astrologists and horoscopes, and she's trying to fuse it all together into her own brand of spirituality -- Jen's had a lot of time alone, which has only deepened her questions about the universe and how she can make the most of her life and she's determined to find the answers

* Princess Eugenie is over the moon after welcoming her first child, a baby boy with businessman husband Jack Brooksbank but now the new mom is torn about taking time out from her royal responsibilities -- Eugenie would love to take a long break from everything and focus solely on raising her son however she knows deep down how much she's needed, especially since Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are showing no signs of coming back -- as she weighs her options, Eugenie is looking to her multi-tasking cousin-in-law Duchess Kate for some inspiration because she's impressed by how Kate is able to juggle her official duties while raising three young kids

Page 10: Red Hot on the Red Carpet -- stars captivate in enchanting puff-sleeve numbers -- Bel Powley, Aubrey Plaza, Lupita Nyong'o

Page 11: Kaitlyn Dever, Lucy Boynton, Margaret Qualley

Page 12: Who Wore It Better? Hilary Swank vs. Madeline Brewer, Bella Hadid vs. Devon Windsor, Alison Brie vs. Dua Lipa

Page 14: News in Photos -- Tayshia Adams and her fiance Zac Clark felt on top of the world when the visited the Empire State Building together

Page 15: Chrissy Teigen and John Legend were inseparable while out and about in Beverly Hills, Bill Murray and NFL player Larry Fitzgerald Jr. were among the many stars to shoot their shot during a charity golf tournament in Pebble Beach, Rita Ora performing on an episode of the U.K. show Dancing on Ice in Hertfordshire

Page 16: At the Australian Open Serena Williams came out on top during the fourth round, Bachelorette alum Jordan Kimball and fiancee Christina Creedon couldn't wait until they got home to enjoy Candy Pop popcorn's new Peanut M&M's flavor from Sam's Club in Houston, Heidi Montag spent the day hitting the slopes at Lake Tahoe

Page 17: Hailey Bieber starring in Beyonce's new Ivy Park x Adidas collection

Page 18: Brody Jenner had a blast snow tubing while shooting the second season of The Hills: New Beginnings in Lake Tahoe, Avril Lavigne stepped out with her new boyfriend Mod Sun for a romantic dinner in West Hollywood

Page 20: Justin Bieber looked like he'd just hopped out of bed in a sweater and checkered fleece pants in L.A., Robin Thicke in front of a piano in L.A.

Page 21: Steve Martin doubled up on face coverings on the set of his new project Only Murders in the Building in NYC, Michelle Obama on her new show Waffles + Michi, Cardi B spoiled herself with high-end goods during a day of shopping on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills

Page 22: Brooke Burke romancing with boyfriend Scott Rigsby on Valentine's Day, Lucy Hale accessorized her look with her newest rescue pup Ethel in L.A., Jessica Lange and Susan Sarandon masked up for a snowy outing in NYC

Page 24: For Galentine's Day Vanessa Lachey snacked on macarons and sipped on wine in L.A.

Page 25: Bella Hadid alongside models Mayowa Nicholas and Heejung Park in Michael Kors' new campaign for the Spring 2021 collection, Hugh Grant stepped out for some fresh hair in London, Sofia Vergara kept it casual during a visit to a pal's house in Beverly Hills

Page 26: Inside My Home -- Katherine Heigl and Josh Kelley's Rocky Mountain retreat

Page 28: Marriage isn't easy especially during a global health crisis but for Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard divorce is not an option -- Kristen said she and Dax at the start of the pandemic were at a point in their marriage where they definitely needed a little therapy brush-up and every couple of years they're being very antagonistic towards each other and they don't want that so they go back to therapy and figure out how they can serve their team goal better and it's been incredibly helpful and even in the toughest times they always have each other's back and they're committed to being each other's biggest support systems -- while their relationship may never be perfect, they're happy and love each other and that's what matters most

Page 29: Now that Tom Brady has won his seventh Super Bowl with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, he has set his sights on the next prize: baby No. 3 with wife Gisele Bundchen -- they've been telling friends they hope to make an announcement by summer at the latest and Tom and Gisele have been super loved-up since leaving Boston and moving to Florida after the QB signed on with the Bucs and the change of scenery has worked wonders on their love life and put them in baby-making mode -- the duo, who recently bought a $17 million spread on Miami's exclusive Indian Creek Island, plan to build a luxury mansion there complete with a nursery and they hope to be all settled in when the new arrival comes -- they've never felt healthier or been happier

* Aaron Rodgers looked positively giddy when he revealed he had a fiancee, Shailene Woodley at the NFL Honors, but the QB is dreading the next step: bringing her home to meet his parents because it's no secret that Aaron's been estranged from them for years and the last thing he wants is for Shailene to get caught up in the drama -- Shailene wants Aaron to clear the air with his folks, but he's not ready to do that and he doesn't want to bring Shailene into a toxic environment

* It's only been two years since Miranda Lambert married Brendan McLoughlin but she's already itching for some alone time -- she's headed to Texas in April for her first concert in over a year and she's told Brendan he shouldn't come because it will be all work and no play but she really wants to get away from him for a while and after the pair's recent road trip together, Miranda is desperate for some space -- sometimes Miranda feels like she's living with a baby because Brendan whines and complains about life on her farm

Page 30: Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker's romance is heating up fast, so much so that she's practically handed over the keys to her Calabasas estate and she loves having Travis sleep over and sometimes he'll stay the whole weekend -- he gets along famously with her children and Travis has been a friend of the family for years, so the kids have pretty much known him their whole lives and they'll do fun stuff together like hiking or playing video games and Travis loves making breakfast and showing off his pancake-flipping skills --Travis is spending so much time at Kourt's place that he's moved a bunch of his stuff in to make it easier for his kids Landon and Alabama with ex Shanna Moakler to visit him there -- everyone's convinced they'll be living together full-time before you know it

* Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were met with a flurry of well-wishes after they revealed they're expecting baby No. 2 -- the couple decided to wait until Meghan was safely into her second trimester to share the news and they only told a handful of family members before the public and they wanted to cherish this secret for as long as they could -- Harry and Meghan have been nesting at their Montecito mansion and have been busy prepping the nursery and making sure it's eco-friendly with energy-efficient lighting and they're keeping it as plastic-free as possible

* Love Bites -- Clare Crawley and Dale Moss reunited, Kit Harington and Rose Leslie welcomed a baby boy, Paris Hilton and Carter Reum engaged

Page 32: Cover Story -- Bruce Springsteen's private world -- he's an open book in his songs, but here's Bruce's untold story of his struggles with depression and regret -- he still has dark thoughts from time to time but therapy and medication have helped a great deal

Page 36: Stars' Cheating Confessions -- sometimes all you can do is beg for forgiveness; these celebs have all had to plead their case -- Donny and Debbie Osmond, Jude Law and Sienna Miller, Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith

Page 37: David Letterman and Regina Lasko, Dean McDermott and Tori Spelling, Kevin Hart and Eniko Parrish

Page 40: Interview -- Elizabeth Olsen -- the Avengers star dishes about getting witchy again for Marvel's mind-bending WandaVision

Page 42: Golden Girls -- how these Golden Globes nominees get their award-worthy figures -- Anya Taylor-Joy, Nicole Kidman, Lily Collins

Page 43: Kaley Cuoco, Michelle Pfeiffer, Amanda Seyfried

Page 44: Aadila Dosani's vegan recipe for Chickpea and Potato Soup

Page 46: Style Week -- Ashley Graham is the new global brand ambassador for self-tanning label St. Tropez

Page 48: What's Hot Right Now -- create a naturally gorgeous, flushed look with fashion designer Jason Wu's namesake makeup collection

Page 49: Haute hippie retro jeans -- take a trip back to the '70s with Revice Denim's ultra-cool capsule, Los Angeles Lovers -- Delilah Belle Hamlin

Page 50: Flower Power -- floral prints are spring's hottest trend -- rock the pretty blooms for a fresh, boho-chic look -- Kaia Gerber

Page 52: DIY Blowout -- these foolproof finds deliver impeccable hair right at home -- Drew Barrymore

Page 54: Entertainment

Page 55: Q&A with Mary Fitzgerald of Selling Sunset

Page 58: Buzz -- after months of playing it coy, these celebs confirmed their relationships on Valentine's Day -- Scott Disick and Amelia Hamlin

Page 59: Vanessa Hudgens and Cole Tucker, Sharna Burgess and Brian Austin Green, Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker, Kendall Jenner and Devin Booker

Page 60: Sound Bites -- Halsey on not conforming to conventional beauty standards, Anderson Cooper on coparenting with his ex, Ashley Graham on the importance of self-care, Kate Winslet on feeling like a fish out of water in Hollywood

Page 61: Tom Holland on the plot of the next Spider-Man flick, Mila Kunis joking about keeping her family entertained during quarantine, Drew Barrymore when asked if she's ever been skinny-dipping, Madelaine Petsch on playing a teen in Clare at 16

Page 62: Horoscope -- Pisces Lupita Nyong'o turned 38 on March 1

Page 64: By the Numbers -- Riz Ahmed

[aceattorneyutterson]

Gabriel Utterson

Full name: Gabriel John Utterson

Nickname(s) or Alias: Gabe, John

Gender: Male

Species: Human

Age: 40

Birthday: March 20th, 1846

Sexuality: Bisexual

Nationality: British

Religion: Orthodox Christian

City or town of birth: London, England

Currently lives: London, Englad

Languages spoken: English, Latin, conversational Romanian

Native language: English

Relationship Status: Married

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Height: 6'4

Weight: 111.584 kg (246 lb)

Figure/build: Tall and stocky, combination muscular with little "pudgy" areas around the stomach and thighs

Hair colour: Salt and pepper/black and grey

Hairstyle: Coily, kinky curls

Facial Hairstyle: Sideburns and scruffy beard, matching the color of his hair

Eye colour: Dark brown

Skin/fur/etc colour: Dark bronze

Tattoos: N/A

Piercings: N/A

Scars/distinguishing marks: Scars hidden on his back

Preferred style of clothing: Business formal; black suit with a dark blue vest over a white button up, often wears a top hat with a blue brim.

Frequently worn jewellery/accessories: Wedding ring; made of an obsidian band with a tiny sapphire crystal

Smoker? N/A

Drinker? Occasionally, often seen as a "light weight"

Recreational Drug User? Which? N/A

Addictions: N/A

Allergies: N/A

Any physical ailments/illnesses/disabilities: Mild depressive symptoms

Any medication regularly taken: N/A

Personality: Around strangers, he is polite and very quick to the point, often very business-like in his interaction. Can often be seen as kind of stoaic, sometimes too serious. Around friends and family, he is a little more lighthearted and casual, smiles more often, but can still be reserved.

Likes: Theatre, Gin, work, reading, research, baking, family time, being a father, baths, his wife, and helping others.

Dislikes: Lying, disrespectfulness, past treatment, discrimination of any sort, and Mr. Hyde.

Fears/phobias: Losing his family, being alone, failing those he cares about, not being enough, and his past.

Favourite colour: Blue

Hobbies: Working, reading, baking, and playing with his children

Taste in music: Classical and cabernet

SKILLS

Talents/skills: Really good at debating, well trained in self-defense, and good with children.

Ability to drive a car? Operate any other vehicles? Drives a car

EATING HABITS

Omnivore/Carnivore/Herbivore (Vegetarian): Omnivore

Favourite food(s): Confections of any sort, beef stew, sausage rolls, steak, and shepherd's pie

Favourite drink(s): Water, gin, and black coffee

Disliked food(s): Any pickled foods, sauerkraut or sea food

Disliked drink(s): Ale, soda

HOUSE AND HOME

Describe the character's house/home: Two stories, classic Victorian layout with six bedrooms and four bathrooms. Outside panels are white with blue trim. Additional attic and basement.

Do they share their home with anyone? Who? His wife, Lavina, and their four children.

Significant/special belongings: Collection of the supernatural by Abraham Van Helsing, a silver sword, and a leather hunting suit.

CAREER

Level of education: Graduated from law school

Qualifications: PhD in law

Current job title and description: Personal lawyer, can argue any case but often does personal dispute and injury.

Name of employer: Himself

COMBAT

Peaceful or aggressive attitude? A mix, varying in situations

Fighting skills/techniques: Swordsmanship, hand-to-hand combat

Special skills/magical powers/etc: N/A

Weapon of choice (if any): Silver sword

Weaknesses in combat: His own humanity

Strengths in combat: Levelheadedness

FAMILY, FRIENDS AND FOES

Parents names: John Utterson (father) and Josphine Utterson (mother)

Are parents alive or dead? Dead

Is the character still in contact with their parents? No

Siblings? Relationship with siblings? Mackenzie Utterson, (little sister) deceased

Other Important Relatives: 

Partner/Spouse: Lavina Utterson (wife)

Children: Mackenzie, Samuel, Anastasia, and Douglas

Best Friend: Robert Lanyon

Other Important Friends: Henry Jekyll, Lisa Jekyll, Charlotte Enfield, and Francis Poole

Acquaintances: Raoul de Changy, Erik, Marlowe, Lucy Harris (formerly), Victoria Frankenstein

Pets: N/A

Enemies? Why are they enemies? Edward Hyde because he goes against everything Gabriel stands for. Richard Enfield because he was abusive towards his wife and conspired against his own family. Simon Stride for abusing women in his brothel. Dr. Moreau for kidnapping and torturing his wife and best friend

BACKSTORY

Describe their childhood (newborn - age 10): Born into the weathly Utterson family where John Utterson had high expectations from the beginning. He was raised under a strict code and taught to obey rules. His life relaxed and became a bit more fun when he turned 8 and his little sister, Mackenzie, was born.

Describe their  teenage years (11 - 19): Was sent off to a boarding school for his early schooling years, but often stayed in touch with his little sister via letters. He was accepted into Oxford University's law school at 17-years-old and rekindled relationships with his childhood friends Robert and Henry.

Describe their  adult years (20+): Graduated University at age 21 and began an apprenticeship with a variety of different lawyers. At 23, he and his sister took a trip to the Netherlands, enjoying the time away from his family, however, one night on their trip, Mackenzie Utterson is murdered by an unknown suspect who drained his sister dry of blood. Upon seeing this, Gabriel's heart shattered and for the next 5 years, disappeared to train as a vampire hunter under the Van Helsing family. When he returns to London at 28, he opens his own law firm and during the night, he hunts for vampires. One year later, on another trip to Amsterdam, Holland, he meets a vampire woman named Lavina Dalca, who initially attacks and changes Robert Lanyon. When she follows him to London, he is apprehensive at first, but soon welcomes her company and falls in love. Seven years later, his first daughter, Mackenzie, is born. However, the happiness only last two years, as Lavina returns home to Romania and soon vanishes. During her absence, all he has is Mackenzie, but thankfully Henry has developed a small serum taken with the smallest ounce of vampirism, that slows the aging process immensely. Sadly, his family separates even more after Henry's daughter, Emma, is born and sent to the Americas to hide from the wars raging in Europe, Gabriel sends Mackenzie away. For the next 94 years, Gabriel is alone until his "niece" Charlotte, returns to London with Emma and Mackenzie and a month later, Lavina returns as well. Finally marrying, Samuel Utterson is born shortly after, and years later, his twins, Anastasia and Douglas.

(While my version of Utterson ties in heavily with the fanstory that I and @queen-of-nerds1026 and I have created, he still does and can coincide with current TGS canon)

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

I want you to enter Serious Mode™ and start babbling about how season 7 put the conditions for Dean’s season 8 healing from the Really Shitty Time he had in season 6 where everyone and their cousin invalidated him as person and a man.

Oh man... I could do this properly but I don’t have the spoons or seasons 6-8 clear enough in my memory rn to get in too much detail, so allow me to just trace some impressionistic strokes.

Season 6 is the moment where the show decides that it’s time to take Dean Winchester, put him into a grinder (not in the fun sense of the word) and grind him into a fine powder.

Everyone (with more or less good intentions, for instance Bobby had obviously no intention to harm him and Cas’ intentions were to protect Dean, but he couldn’t understand the kind of damage he was doing until it was too late, or, better, he couldn’t understand that the kind of damage he was doing was worse than the kind of damage he was supposedly avoiding for Dean, because Cas was too much of an angel back then, wasn’t he, and he just couldn’t get it... until he got it) gaslighted him in some way or another, and (more or less directly) pretty much undermined his choices (in fact, undermined his ability to make autonomous choices) and basically his own personality went through a painful process of being invalidated.

Sam was soulless, but it took a while for Dean and the others to find that out. Before then, Dean went through the horrific experience of feeling there was something deeply, sinisterly wrong with his brother, while no one else (Bobby caught on after a while but at first he was skeptical) seemed to find anything wrong with him. His relationship with Sam became a source of horror instead of comfort (up until then, they had had plenty of disagreements and fights and even absolutely devastating moments like at the end of s4, but Sam was still a grounding presence in Dean’s life, and when they fought they knew why they were fighting, you know? Now there was just a weird feeling of wrongness, there was doubt and confusion).

The Campbells invalidated him since moment one, and Dean found himself having to work with them because Sam asked him to, and yet they were undermining Dean’s value as a hunter (a side of himself where Dean put basically most of his sense of worth) and as a man (Dean went through a heavy regression regarding his relationship with his own masculinity in season 6, because he was pretty much treated as ‘unmanly’ because of his caregiving nature, because of his own pretty appearance, etc.)

And then Cas - there’s some well-written analyses out there about Cas and Dean’s dynamic in season 6 as pretty much the dynamic between a stereotypical abusive alpha male husband and an abused wife. Season 6 is dark, it’s pretty much a noir, and Cas and Dean’s dynamic is central in it, although Cas is obviously not the only one who abuses Dean in the season. Cas pretty much abuses him emotionally in a very specific way (he undermines Dean’s ability to understand and help him in the ‘higher’, more important matters of Cas’ affairs, etc) that is typical of women to suffer by the hands of men (especially male partners). And, of course, Cas cheats on him, because there’s no other way to read Cas’ betrayal but a person cheating on their partner - it’s the only way to have the storyline make sense, anyway, because Dean’s hurt and anger would be disproportioned otherwise.

But it’s not just Cas (also please don’t take this as Cas bashing from me, it’s the narrative that does this) everyone else isn’t really particularly soft on Dean, with the exception of Lisa and Ben - but that’s doomed from the start, because his attachment to them is part of the problem, but also because Dean just cannot fit in a ‘family man’ role slot, because his role as the ‘family (battered) woman’ is just overwhelming. He even gets physically violated by the vampire in a way that obviously feels like sexual abuse (and contamination with a blood-transmitted disease). With Eve, he weaponizes her violating him against her - but his success is through letting her violate him again (of course he’s always the bait, ever since childhood, his body has been used like that for a long time).

Basically Dean was seen by almost everyone around him as ‘lesser’ in his skills, in his own ability to discriminate and make choices, and of course in his masculinity (because he chose to take care of a family instead of hunting, because he is pretty, for a lot of reasons).

And then season 7 comes in and he’s stripped of everything. Cas. His brother for a while, because of the Amy Pond debacle that splits them, and then Sam’s own mental health start to go downhill and we know how it goes. Bobby. His car. His identity. His will to live. Even his coping mechanisms get robbed away from him - casual sex because of the incident with the Amazon, the food he likes because of the Leviathan corn syrup, he literally has only alcohol left, and even then the flask reminds him of Bobby...

But at that point - a point where he has nothing, where he literally only forces himself to go through the motions and smile because he’s supposed to - he cannot but start to heal, you know? Because it’s not like he has anything else to lose.

Bobby, Frank, Eliot Ness keep him over the edge of annihilation; Cas’ return is obviously the key for him to be able to really heal, and then he starts meeting people who help him be himself (be a person, properly) like Garth, Charlie, Kevin, Benny.

In season 8 he allows himself to do things, to be things that he could have never allowed himself in season 6 (except in the very ‘separate’, emotionally painful, and ultimately dramatically failing, way with Lisa and Ben). Heck, even when he allows himself to dress up as a cowboy and enjoy it it’s literally in the nineteenth century, not in the present. In season 7, when he wears vintage clothes, it’s 1944 - already closer! In season 8... he fucking LARPs. He wears like a knight (well... handmaiden*) in the very present day.

*the not-so-subtle accusation of being feminine/unmanly/queer that he got in season 6? Now he ends up being a queer woman’s handmaiden, thank you very much.

Of course the end of season 8 and season 9 bring new setbacks, but season 8 has Dean finally embrace a self he was denied (had to repress) in season 6. His relationship with Cas also finally healed. Sure, not everything was perfect because the show had more seasons to do and things (with himself, with Sam, etc) had to shatter again, but season 8 saw the healing from the wounds of season 6 and season 7 put the conditions for it to happen - by shattering Dean’s world completely and allowing him a clean slate, pretty much. Purgatory felt ‘pure’ but season 7 in general was a sort of Purgatory-before-Purgatory (no surprise the main monsters of s7 were the Leviathan freshly out of Purgatory and eventually put back into it). Monsters, endless combat (=not a fucking break), separation from Cas until he finds him... sounds familiar?

Thoughts?

[i-am-very-very-tired]

S1: So you reached out to a Sheron because there was something that you’re you’re struggling with right now. Tell me a little bit about that.

S2: So I’m thirty eight. I’ve never had a boyfriend, but I would very much love to be married.

S1: So. So just to make sure I sort of understand. So you’re 38 years old. I think it’s safe to say, based on what you’ve told me, that that you haven’t even had sex with a man, have you? That’s correct. Have you ever kissed a man?

S3: I have not.

S4: This is how to. I’m Charles Dubik. A few months ago, I got an e-mail from a listener. They cut me a little off guard. The subject line read 38 and never been kissed. The writer of the e-mails that she realized that to most listeners, this is kind of weird. She wrote and I’m quoting her here. It’s a bit weird to me, to listeners. Meet Sheran.

S5: I’m originally from Michigan. I’ve been down here in Nashville about a year. I’m a nurse over at Vandy.

S4: And tell me a little bit about about your relationship background.

S6: It’s very short.

S2: I went to a large high school and and there were lots of cute boys, but I never dated. I was never I never was asked out. No one ever asked me on a date. And and I’m fairly traditional and how I approach dating. And so I wouldn’t have been inclined to ask anybody else out. And so college was very similar. I went to a small, private Christian school and there was not a lot of casual dating. It was almost like, oh, I think I want to marry you. So let’s go on our first date. And so I didn’t go to college to get married, but I just kind of assumed it would happen as a byproduct. Like I we get a degree and a husband. Yeah. And obviously that didn’t happen.

S1: It’s worth noting that this is kind of surprising because Sharon is a bit of a catch.

S7: She’s well educated and she likes to travel. She’s funny and attractive and into hobbies like ballroom dancing.

S5: Why didn’t the stars ever align? I really don’t have any any insight onto that. I mean, I and I realized that that my faith and my relationship with God is is very different than than how most people are. It certainly has a huge impact on how I see dating and and the general perspective on on how I think.

S8: But that being said, there’s lots of religious men out there. And so Sharon just kind of assume that, you know, someday she would meet the right guy. And one thing would lead to another and she’d have her first kiss and then get married. But then a few years went by and then a decade. And then she was 38. And she had a great life, a good career. She’d lived abroad, but she had never had a boyfriend or a kiss or really any idea of what to do next.

S2: I did online dating for years, I still, I would say, dabble in it occasionally. And so I’ve been on several first dates from. From guys that I’ve met online. And it just never went anywhere for for various reasons, mostly either because they weren’t interested or another very specific reason which we can talk about. What’s that specific reason? I don’t want to have children, and that has really been a huge stumbling block for the majority of guys that I’ve met.

S1: And so Sheeran’s wondering as she’s approaching 40 years old. Is it too late?

S2: It would be sad to me to get to the end of my life and have never been kissed or to have sex. I also feel as though I have accepted the fact that that might be true, that I could die a virgin or die having never been kissed.

S5: And I think that’s kind of a bummer, but it’s not enough of a bummer for me to compromise in that area of my life.

S9: Can we help Sharon find her heart’s content or at least her first guess? On today’s episode, we’ll see how our matchmaking skills stack up. Stick with us.

S10: Slate Plus members, it’s survey time, which means it’s your chance to tell us what you think about Slate. Slate podcasts and Slate. Plus it’ll only take a few minutes. You can find it at Slate dot com slash survey.

S8: We’re back with Sharon are 38 year old virgin who wants a husband to help. We thought it might be useful to bring in a professional. And so we found a modern day high tech cupid who spotted her own husband across a room and then proceeded to pick him up.

S11: He has tattoos. And so I said, Hey, tattoo boy, where did you get those tattoos? And he said, Hey, little darlin, come sit down next to me. And I was like, okay. I sat down next to him.

S12: This is Lisa Clampett, who has helped hundreds and hundreds of men and women find love. She runs this very elite matchmaking service in New York City, where she has been very, very successful, in part because she knows how hard it can be out there, especially a little later in life.

S13: So interestingly enough, I was thirty nine.

S14: Even worse, I had been married before. But I didn’t have kids. And my mom would always say, you’re going out on all these dates and you’re always finding fault.

S13: And I was like, oh, they’re they’re boring or they’re there. And then I finally was like, you know what? I’m ready to get married in literally when I decided I was ready to get married again. I think it was the next day I went out, I saw my husband across the room, started chatting him up. We were talking 20 minutes later. He said, let’s go to Vegas and get married. And we were married in Vegas in six weeks.

S6: Oh, my gosh. Are you serious? Oh, my gosh.

S15: I was like 17 years ago. I was ready. I was like, done deal. So I went. So in my brain, I calculated the key requirements, which is I needed someone like Hughes. Cute. He was brilliant. So he’s a p._h._d. He’s from the Midwest. Family oriented parents still together. Moved up there with a girlfriend. They broke up, which means he’s relationship oriented. And so what was I to him? I was fun. I was assertive where I talked to him. And I’m probably the only Manhattan girl that loves snakes. And he is a snake reptile specialist. And I had a great record collection.

S1: Lisa, let me ask. Let’s say Sharon came into you as a matchmaker and said, Lisa, matchmaker, I need your help.

S6: Like, walk me through the process.

S16: So there are a couple things that that like no one. I think that if your value system is God and religion and yet there is a disconnect with wanting kids, I think the younger you was probably attracting a lot of men that if their priority was God, they probably wanted to build a family. That’s kind of the mainstay. So I totally think that that is a barrier that is really important to point out. Have you talked to your friends or family? Have they given their feedback of what they think might be the barrier?

S2: Yes, we certainly talk about it a lot. And sometimes my sisters will tell me I’m too picky, which I certainly realize is a possibility. For example, I I’m relatively tall and I really want someone who’s taller than me. How tall are you? Almost 5’9. Okay, height. Let’s say, you know, five, 10 plus. Is that right? Right. Exactly. What other things? Yeah. So other things that are important to me, someone who is fiscally responsible. Another thing would be it’s really important that they’re that they’re smart. I’ve been told in the past by men and women that they find me intimidating because I have a career and because I have a masters degree and because I’ve, you know, lived a lot of places and had a lot of experience. And so I’m looking for someone that can hold a good conversation.

S16: So, so far, you do not sound picky to me. Just letting you know that these are all good, totally reasonable. I think that discovering what is happening at the age of 38 onward, if you’re open to dating someone, let’s say in their mid-forties that the whole kid thing is no longer an issue, I actually think that’s going to be a major advantage to you. Let’s say there’s a couple men that reach out that they accept that you don’t want kids. They’re okay about not having premarital sex and God is a priority in their life. Have you had any of those dates?

S2: I would say two or three in the last five years. Once or twice. They never called me again, which is, you know, which is fine. Or they texted and said it was nice to meet you, but I’m not interested in one particular situation. I felt like was the best first date of my whole life. And we had amazing time. We talked for hours and then he never called me again. So I I will say that I don’t enjoy and I don’t enjoy first dates. I’m not sure that a lot of people do. Maybe some do. But. I find dating. I’ll be upfront. Dating is scary to me because it’s something that I haven’t done very much. I don’t like first dates. I don’t enjoy the dating process at all. I think mostly because I’ve never had a great experience dating.

S16: That’s a common thing, just F.Y.I. I think a lot of people find it hard, but I think you in particular because it’s so challenging, it’s not like you’re going out and making out with someone. And I’d say that I’m also wondering why it’s only been like a couple guys in a couple years that have come from this because generally speaking, there are a lot more possibilities, even with the requirements of of God and no kids. So I’m wondering why there’s such a scarcity of options.

S17: Right. And I think there’s a little part of me I don’t trust myself when it comes to dating, so I’m I’m concerned that when I when I and I’m almost always the one that that cuts things off. So I’ll go on a date. I don’t really feel any connection. And so I’m like I I just I’m not feeling it. I don’t really want to go on a second date.

S1: Let me ask you something on this. Because. Because that’s surprising to me that you’re the one who who’s cutting this off. Why not just say eight? It wasn’t I wasn’t in love at first sight. But why not just go on a second date? What’s what’s stopping you from just taking a flyer?

S17: I’m trying to remember the last time I had a date. I think it’s been four years trying to remember what happened.

S16: Gosh, I think the fact that you’re saying it’s four years. Lt’s like no one gets it.

S17: I know.

S18: I think there’s so much here that that we’re not even you know, you’re saying that you want to run a marathon and you’re still in bed, you know. So I would say that’s the biggest issue.

S1: How many how many dates do you think Sharon should be going on?

S17: I would say at least to a month increased at least.

S6: Yes. Always said that doesn’t seem like very many to me, but no. But it sounds like to Sharon, like, what does that make you feel if if you hear two a month?

S17: Sounds exhausting, but I mean, think about it from the perspective of, like, you know, one 1 every 2 years to 2 a month.

S19: The math is not my strength, but whatever time. That’s like a thousand times more dates.

S8: So our first big lesson is that Sharon needs to go on a lot more dates, but that’s easier said than done. How do you get over that fear of rejection and inertia? And, you know, making a big change.

S20: When we come back, Lisa will give us a plan.

S1: We’re back with our listener Sharon and professional matchmaker Lisa Clampett in the first big step to making a change, particularly when it feels like it’s a little bit risky, Lisa says is honestly asking yourself, do you really want this?

S15: If so, you have to decide to commit even when you know, it could be a little bit painful if you felt like you could get through the obstacle of the discomfort in dating and you could actually go out and date, because I’d say that this is a common thing in it. I mean, how much easier it is is it to walk away from a relationship or a marriage than to do the work? So how much do you want this? And is that a priority for you?

S2: In my heart of hearts, I would love to be married. And if if I can be more effective for Christ as a married person, if we can if I can serve somebody else, we could serve God together more effectively than as a single person. Then I want to be married.

S1: He is sure to let me push on this a little bit more. If someone came to you and they said, I want a job, I really want a job. And you said, how many applications have you have you submitted? How many resumes have you dropped off? And they said, well, I dropped off one four years ago. What would you make of that?

S21: Well, I think that that they’re being not they’re not being proactive. And I think I mean, point taken with costs. I have always wanted.

S17: Love to be organic. And I feel like I don’t like the idea. It doesn’t sound very romantic to turn dating into a job, but at this point, if that’s what gets the job done, then the ultimate goal is to get married, not to determine how I fall in love.

S16: You’re setting yourself up for failure in the sense of it’s an idealized. Reciprocal being in love of a 23 year old vs. what your goal is as a 38 year old woman wanting to get married.

S18: You’ve got to create a game plan to soldier through it to get that exposure, to get that experience, to be connected to someone in this different way.

S22: That’s not the glorified 23 year old Sharon, but the new 38 year old. I want to get married, Sharon.

S23: So here’s the rule. If you want to make a big change, particularly one that seems scary, you just have to accept it.

S24: It is not going to be like a fairy tale. There will be no Prince Charming that suddenly appears. Instead, it’s all about being pragmatic, about coming up with a plan and then doing the work.

S22: And then you take notes. You get home and you write in your diary. Like, what was it like going out with this guy? What did I discover from him? What did I really like? Like explore this guy, get to know the many layers that he is, and that is where you start building that familiarity that you were talking about, that you want you’re building a foundation of a friendship, which is a marriage.

S24: Here’s another rule. Take notes, because we’re human.

S8: We all have a tendency to experience something and then to forget what we learned from that experience. And so it isn’t romantic. But if you take notes or if you keep a spreadsheet about your dates, you’ll start to see your own patterns much faster.

S1: When Lisa says you should go on two dates a month, and that sounds like a huge amount to you like, oh, overwhelming, which which would still give you like 28 days a month when you’re not going on a date, right?

S6: Right.

S1: What is it about those dates that makes two a month seem so exhausting?

S21: I hate that feeling of.

S2: Just not being at all interested in this person and then having to.

S17: Either wait for them to cut things off or for me to say, you know what? I’m not feeling it. Let’s, you know, let’s not meet up again.

S1: What if you looked at each date as just an experiment where where you don’t actually anticipate that you’re going to have another date? What if you looked at dating is just a series of literally just meeting someone interesting with no expectations that it would ever be anything else. Do you think they’d make it easier for you? Because it sounds like you’re carrying a lot of a lot of sort of fraught anticipation into these dates.

S17: Yeah. Mix them. Yes, I. I wish I couldn’t view it that way. I that would be that would that would bring a lot of relief. I feel like I said, I think I’m holding a lot of anxiety, not about actually dating because I love meeting people and small talk is easy for me and those kinds of things. So that’s it’s not the actual date. It’s the fear of having to turn him down for a second date.

S16: So I think that you’ve got to just draft a text that you send them, which lets you off the hook.

S6: I’m telling you, it’s so stupid right now. Yeah, let’s do that. Right. Okay. Let’s let’s workshop this. Okay.

S18: John, it was really wonderful meeting. You were not a match. But I want you to know that I very much enjoy that. You took me out for coffee and I wish you the best of luck. It was great meeting you. End of story. Done. Move on. Click. Send.

S6: So, Sharon, let me ask you this. What if you were to type that into your into your phone before you even go on the date? Right before you meet John. You type in exactly what Lisa just said, right? You don’t hit send because you haven’t actually met the guy yet. Right.

S1: But when you know that when you get home, if it if you if there wasn’t a connection there, literally all you have to do is hit send. And you never have to think about it again. Does that set a race? Some of the fear for you?

S17: I think so. I think that’s that’s the majority of it. But what if I’m. What if I send that text and I just you know, maybe he was having a bad a bad first date or something. And I’m I’m concerned that I’m too quick to to cut someone off.

S1: Let’s say let’s say Sharon goes on this date and she likes the guy. He’s nice, but she knows that she’s not going to end up marrying him. Should she go on a second date anyways?

S16: I don’t think that you can know who you’re going to end up marrying from a first date. If there’s no deal breakers. So I would say yes, because she doesn’t know. She doesn’t. She doesn’t have the experience to be able to make that decision.

S4: This is the next you’ll figure out the hardest part of whatever you’re trying to do and then do it first, right that break up text before the date so that it’s easy to hit send when you get home.

S25: But by the same token, don’t read too much into things if they don’t go according to plan. So even if the text is already written, that doesn’t mean you have to send it.

S13: Stop, stop overthinking it. I’m telling you, that’s how life happens. Just stop getting in your head about it and just make it happen. The worst case scenario is six months from now and 50 dates later, you say like, wow, this is not for me. I think once you get over the resistance and the fear and you start making it happen, it gets easier and easier. And then suddenly it like creates access into your life. And I do what I do because I truly believe 100 percent were meant to be with somebody. I really believe that. And I think that a lot of us put fear in the way as an obstacle for resistance. And then you just gotta get off of that and start running.

S1: Sure. Let me ask you something. How long ago did you move to Nashville? A year ago, a year ago. How how many churches did you visit before you decided to invest in the church that you you attend now maybe five or six. OK, so that’s that’s a good number of churches. And it sounds like you actually have spent more time thinking about the church you want to attend. And experimenting and doing research, then looking for the person that you you want to marry.

S26: Again, I keep coming back to that. I wanted to just be organic where I meet someone and, you know, we just fall in love.

S1: And Lisa, let me ask, how many how many couples have you put together? Hundreds. And how many of them would you say it was organic? It was kind of love at first sight. And it just it all BadgerCare came together.

S16: So organic is such a misconception. We historically have been matched up by communities and religious groups.

S18: So when people talk here about, yeah, I mean, so. So we’re actually going back to the roots of. Of connection. And what has taken us away is urban environments. And so coming back to online, to matchmakers, to to churches. It’s literally that’s the organic it’s not the other way around.

S27: Yeah, it’s interesting because, you know, I met my wife in college and a lot of my friends met their spouses in college. And I don’t think for any of us, it it was it was love at first sight of anything. And I don’t think for any of us, it was organic. I actually don’t think for any of us, it was easy.

S15: It’s a practical decision, right?

S6: Yeah, that’s that’s common. That is that relationship is work.

S27: And it’s a job even in finding a relationship as a job. Once you’re in the relationship, it’s a job.

S1: It’s this thing that you decide to do together because because you like being employed more than you like being unemployed.

S15: As we grow older, it takes more of an effort. I’ll give you an example of someone who came to me was a 60 year old man and he had never had a girlfriend, 60 years old. He was short. He was 5’3. And in his mind, he was a troll and undesirable and no one wanted him. And he was ready to move on with life and die single. And a lawyer friend of his said, You know what? I know this matchmaker, Lisa Clampett goes see, just before you like bury yourself in a coffin.

S14: Ghostly, right? So he came. And what I saw is, first of all, to me, he looked like a big, bigger guy.

S18: I actually took out a measuring tape.

S11: I was like, you’re not 5’3 or amazing. He was funny.

S14: He was kind. He was brilliant. He was a self-taught violinist. What he needed is he needed to sort of look at himself in a different way.

S28: We speed him up in and I reprogrammed him to thinking troll, to thinking funny, kind, self-starter, entrepreneur. Unbelievable. So after months of working together, we found him, this girlfriend. And they’ve been together eight years and he looks like a movie star walking down the street. I mean, unbelievable change of life. But literally, he came in with a little fanny pack in an old 1970s mustache. And it just was like and a little like ball of his his misery of what he was projecting. And it was his obstacle. And so what are the barriers that you’re putting up front like? All these things could really turn around if you really wanted to if you changed your mindset. I I pretty much would say that you could be married within the next year or two.

S12: Here’s the last rule. Once you’ve decided you really want this and you’ve committed to it and you’ve started taking notes and conducting experiments and you’re at peace with the fact that it might not be like a fairy tale.

S7: Then remember to work on your mindset. You are an amazing person. You can do this. You’ve done amazing things already in your life. Finding a husband is nothing compared to what you’ve already done. You already have everything you need.

S16: I would say start by first vision, the motivation and vision. What is it like being married? But then take a step back and and really look at like what are all the qualities that are fabulous in you? Like what would make you an amazing wife?

S18: And then all the amazing qualities of like who you are and what you could lead with and start sort of programming the essence of like you as that best solves that interesting, engaging, nurturing, funny, amazing woman that shows up and then get on dating sites. Be very specific about who you are and what you’re looking for. But take that list of all the amazing pieces of you and make it fun right after you have. Your requirements start going out on dates.

S1: So, Sharon, let me ask you. Are you willing to go on a date next week?

S29: Mm hmm. Yes. Yeah.

S17: Sure. I’m calling.

S6: So. OK, so are you signed up for any dating sites right now? One right now. Which one? Bumble. Bumble. OK. Bumble.

S15: Bumble is is interesting because Bumble is proactive on the woman’s side. So it’s very interesting that you chose Bumble.

S17: I don’t have any issue initiating a conversation. That’s not a problem for me whatsoever. Guys seem to just want to meet immediately without without any texting back and forth. Do I need to compromise and just be willing to go on dates? Or is it okay for me to want to get to know a few more things about them before I do that?

S6: You got to go on a date next week, right? We’ve already established that you’re not gonna have that much time for value.

S1: Why not just make a date and go out with someone who you’ve only texted back and forth with, you know, less than a dozen times? What’s the downside?

S26: I need you. I need I need some guts. I need to be willing to take some chances. And I think also maybe having some accountability. So maybe finding a friend or family member who I can I can talk to about this.

S27: So maybe maybe can we make one more rule share? What if you throw it on with all the rest? What if you have to tell your sister for accountability? What if what if what you need to set up an accountability system? What if it says we’re done with this phone call? The next phone call you make is to your sister to tell her what your plan is, and that as long as this guy is not an atheist or an axe murderer or someone who’s like, look, I can’t wait to have eight children as long as he’s that way today, that you are going to go on a second date with him and that your sister has to hold you accountable.

S17: The whole plan is a little overwhelming. But if I if I take it in little pieces, it’s not so bad like one step at a time. Right.

S27: Well, let me ask, would it be crazy if we were to say as a goal, you are going to have your first kiss at the age of 38 or 39 in the year 2020? Well, I think it’s certainly possible. Would you like that?

S19: Yeah. Because that means that that would mean that I’m well down the road of of my dating life.

S6: Okay. So 2020, Sharon’s first kiss. The year of the kiss. The year of the kiss. Yes. I like it.

S12: Thank you to Sharon for opening up and sharing her story with us. And thank you to Lisa Clampett for her great advice. If you are interested in her services, you can find her online at Lisa Clampett. That’s C.l.A and p.I. TTR dot com. And here’s a quick update from Sharon.

S30: Hey, guys, I think you’re going to be very impressed with the progress that I’ve made. I have joined two more dating sites. I attempted to go on a date last weekend and he stood me up. But whatever his loss. Right. And then I did actually go on a date yesterday. So it was not what I would call an instant connection or a match. And in the past, I probably would have turned him down for a second date. But according to your rules, I can’t do that. So I will give him a second try.

S31: Wish me luck. Bye.

S12: Good luck, Sharon. We hope he’s a good kisser. Do you have a question of the heart or really any other kind of question that needs a solution? If so, you should send us a note of how to at Slate.com. And we will do everything we can to help. How TO’s executive producer is Derek John? Rachel Allen is our production assistant in marriage. Jacob is our engineer. Our theme music is by Hani’s Brown. June Thomas is the senior managing producer of Slate podcasts and Gabriel Roth is Slate’s editorial director for Audio. Special thanks to Asha, Saluda and Sung Park. I’m Charles Duhigg.

S32: Stay romantic.

[ravengirl94]

The Arrangement (Part 3)

Summary: Dean reflects on your first date, and makes plans. The second date goes a little better, though Dean finds out how good your acting skills really are.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2,700

Warnings: language, angst, sexual implications/references (shocking, Dean’s mind is in the gutter)

A/N: Part 3! Hope you guys like it! (not my image, but this is was my Dean inspiration for this part)

Need to catch up? Part 1 - Part 2

Dean watched the car pull away until he lost track of the taillights in the traffic, frowning a little to himself. He certainly hadn't expected that. When you'd showed up in that dress, he'd been absolutely floored. You were a pretty girl, but around the office you dressed on the modest side. In that dress you were stunning, all long smooth legs and soft curves, and it had taken him a moment to remember that this was an arrangement and not an actual date.

And thank god it wasn't an actual date.

You were infuriating and condescending and uptight. You annoyed the living hell out of him. Complaining about the wine he ordered, getting upset about the simplest comments and talking back to him. He wasn't used to any of that. In his experience, women were happy to let him take the lead, order them drinks, pay for things, and then they'd go home with him. But you… You were opinionated and complicated and so very difficult to understand. One moment you were laughing about him calling it 'land food' and the next you were ready to throw something at him.

And that kiss.

Dean grunted a little and shook his head, turning to walk down the street, hands in his pockets. It was supposed to be a quick peck, a see-you-soon I-had-a-nice-evening kiss. But he couldn't help it. The way you sucked in a sharp breath, eyes fluttering shut as his lips brushed against yours, that heady coconut scent he caught when he got close… he'd turned that kiss into something else, and now he was kicking himself for it. This was a business arrangement, for god's sake. He couldn't afford to go down that road because he didn't do relationships. Faking one was hard enough, and if the two of you slept together… you'd want more, he'd be unable and unwilling to give you more, there would be a whole mess, he'd likely lose his fake girlfriend, and then Samuel would certainly cut him off.

So. No sleeping with the fake girlfriend.

"Oh baby…" Dean sighed as his car came into view, sleek and gorgeous, the streetlights making her shine in the darkness. That car was the longest relationship he'd ever had. She never annoyed him, never got bored, never whined about him refusing to talk about his feelings. That had been Lisa's biggest problem. Emotionally closed off, she liked to call him. That wasn't true. He had plenty of feelings. He just didn't like to talk about them. Besides, Lisa had her own issues, the back-stabbing bitch…

Dean slid into the car, revving the engine to life and smiling at the rumbling purr of the engine. The impala was the kind of relationship he enjoyed. He knew how to take care of her, so he did, and in return she kept on running just as smoothly as she had in the 60's. Conscientious effort in, rewards out. Why couldn't people be like that? He checked his mirror before pulling out into the road, aimed for home. Normally he'd be out until the wee hours of the morning, but he had a new respectable image to uphold. So home it was. Besides, he had some careful planning to do and tabloids to stalk, hoping one of them got a good picture and picked up the story. He'd always hated the paparazzi, but now suddenly they were useful.

The next day, he called you and dealt with your endless sass to schedule another date, this time a movie. He'd decided it was safe enough, mostly because there didn't have to be very much talking and overall minimal interaction.

"Not ready for her to meet the impala, huh chief?" Benny asked easily, looking up at Dean in the rearview mirror. Dean glanced up sharply, narrowing his eyes slightly at his friend. He hadn't told Benny what was going on with the whole fake-girlfriend thing, but the man was unnaturally observant and tended to know things even before Dean did. And he was right, the thought of you meeting baby made him nervous. That was why he had Benny driving the two of you that night. It was like bringing a girl to meet his mother, but almost more intimate. That car was his whole world. It was too serious, too big a step. Not to mention the last girl to see baby had been-

Nope. He wouldn't let himself think about that now.

"Second date Benny," he reminded his friend, "that's like a… thirtieth date thing."

"More like a wedding night thing," Benny chuckled, making Dean snort in laughter.

"Shut up man," he said with a wide smile, shaking his head. Benny was like a brother to him and had been since the two of them got into a pretty nasty bar fight a few years back. They spent the night in a jail cell, talking, and Benny had been working for him ever since. The man proved to be unfailingly loyal, and he served as a driver, a bodyguard, a spy and basically anything else Dean needed from him. Benny Lafitte was a man of many talents, thanks to a past that was a bit shady, but Dean didn't care so long as Benny kept his hands clean working for him.

Dean sighed a little as Benny pulled up to the curb and he got out of the car, peering up at the apartment building. You lived pretty far from the office, so commuting every day must suck, and while it wasn't a great part of the city, it wasn't too bad crime-wise. Certainly could be better. Dean jogged up the steps, pressing the buzzer for your apartment and waiting, hands in his pockets.

"Coming," your voice replied over the intercom, and Dean turned to pace away a few steps. In a few moments, the door burst open and you strode through, still straightening your jacket. But you paused, staring at Dean with a puzzled look on your face. "going for the bad boy look today, are we?" you asked, shaking your head, "that's not going to impress grandpa…" Your comment made Dean glance down at himself. He was wearing Jeans, an old faded Led Zeppelin shirt and his worn brown leather jacket. He also hadn't shaved this morning, the scruff along his jaw likely adding to the 'bad boy' image.

"Nice to see you too sweetheart," Dean muttered, leaning in to kiss your cheek. You stiffened slightly at the contact, but brushed it off quickly, looking him over again before sighing. You'd gone the more casual approach this evening too: a pair of dark wash skinny jeans, tall brown boots, and a deep red tank top with wide straps. It was sort of loose and flowing, but was tied around your middle with a cord, the neckline tantalizingly lacy. Dean had to rip his gaze away quickly, clearing his throat and moving to open the car door for you.

"So what movie are we seeing?" You asked as Benny whisked the two of you across town to the theater Dean had chosen. He turned and looked you over, only to be met by your intense gaze. Looked like you were going to test him again.

"Whatever you want, sweetheart," Dean said tightly, clenching his teeth. You smiled smugly, clearly pleased with his answer, and turned to look out the window again.

"That new romantic comedy looks funny," you began, making Dean groan internally, "but I wouldn't want you to be bored, honey." You practically spat the last word, and suddenly Dean was reconsidering his life priorities. How important was that money, again? "And there's no way I can get through that horror flick…" Dean glanced over to find you scrolling through your phone, apparently looking at the movies currently showing. "So how bout we settle on the new marvel movie?" When you looked back up at him, offering a compromise, Dean blinked in surprise. He'd been nice, given you the upper hand by offering you the decision… and you hadn't taken advantage of that. You weren't going to make him suffer through a sappy chick flick.

"Sounds great," he said honestly. You gave him a searching look, like you were trying to figure out what made him suddenly so complacent, but then Benny was pulling up to the theater. Dean got out of the car, but by the time he'd walked around to the other side, you were already waiting on the sidewalk. You grabbed his hand as he came over, and Dean had to make a considerable effort not to groan or roll his eyes at the contact.

"Two for the superhero movie," Dean said as the two of you reached the counter. You were standing close, practically leaning on him and Dean was pretty sure your newfound acting skills were just being used to annoy him. "Popcorn?" Dean asked, handing you your ticket. You nodded furiously, like it was a ridiculous question to even ask, so the two of you got into the concession line. Dean released your hand and slung his arm across your shoulders as you waited. To his surprise, you leaned into his side and yawned, making something soften in Dean. "Are you tired?" he asked, frowning a little.

"Hm?" you asked, looking up at him, "oh. Yeah, just a little. I'll be fine once the movie starts."

"Okay… do you want any candy or anything?" Dean asked as they inched towards the front of the line.

"Chocolate," you said, "and something sour." Dean huffed a little in amusement, pleased that at least your food preferences at the movies were tolerable. Not many of the girls he usually saw ate much of anything, let alone candy and popcorn. To his surprise, he sort of liked that you did.

"Large popcorn, M&M's and those sour patch things," Dean ordered as they reached the counter, dropping his arm from your shoulders to dig out his wallet again. "What do you want to drink?" he asked quickly, glancing down at you.

"Uh… orange soda," you stammered, eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Make that two," Dean said to the cashier. The teen was eyeing you, clearly enjoying the view until Dean slapped a twenty dollar bill down a little too hard. "The sodas?" He reminded the kid with a stern look. Dean took his change and gave you the popcorn and your soda, while he carried the candy and his own drink as the two of you walked down to the theater. He paused at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at the rows of seats and waiting for you to make your opinion known.

"Where do you want to sit?" You asked, full of surprises that evening.

"In the back," Dean said, gesturing up at the top row.

"Good. I hate when people kick my seat," you said, moving in front of him to walk up the gentle incline of the stairs. Dean hesitated for a moment, eyes drifting down to appreciate your tight jeans. He mentally kicked himself and shook his head, hurrying to catch up with you. You eased into your seats carefully, setting down the drinks in the cup-holders and taking care not to spill the popcorn. The generic pre-previews were playing, offering random movie facts, mini commercials for local businesses and the occasional trivia question. You were crunching on popcorn, eyes watching the screen despite the lack of entertainment provided there.

"Can I have some popcorn?" Dean asked, making your eyes jerk over to him.

"Sure," you said, smiling brightly. But then you picked up a piece and tossed it, hitting Dean square in the forehead. His shocked expression made you giggle, and Dean narrowed his eyes. He wasn't angry, in fact that whole thing was kind of cute, especially when you laughed. You had a really nice laugh.

"Do that again, I dare you," he growled playfully. You smirked and tossed another piece, but this time Dean caught it in his mouth. He grinned, making you giggle again and hand him the whole bag.

"Congratulations, you win," you said, turning back to the screen, a smile still lingering on your face. Dean, annoyed by your inattention, scooped up a whole handful and tossed it at you, raining popcorn everywhere.

"Dean!" You exclaimed, glaring at him. He couldn't help but throw his head back and laugh. You were covered in popcorn. There was some stuck in your hair, on your shirt, in your lap…

"You ass…" you muttered, snatching your own handful and throwing it at him. Thank god the lights dimmed and the previews started, because otherwise it might have turned into an all-out war. Instead you settled into your chair, brushing the popcorn off. Occasionally during the movie you found a stray piece and tossed it at Dean, but he didn't mind, especially since it would likely be that leering teenager that had to clean up the mess later.

He didn't try anything, didn't pull 'the move' on you or any other ridiculous seduction tactic. There was no one to see you in there, so no reason to keep up the cuddly couple act. The two of you briefly fought over the armrest between you, and Dean won, prompting you to lean away from him on the other arm. During a tense part of the movie, however, you sat bolt upright, hands in your lap, and then something scary happened, making most of the audience jump.

Dean glanced down to where your hand was latched onto his wrist. You'd been scared, and you grabbed him for support. Just then, you seemed to notice your mistake, and pulled away, crossing your arms. Dean didn't comment, but glanced over at you now and then to make sure you were okay.

When the movie ended, the two of you got up, and Dean took your hand as you exited the theater.

"So, uh, you wanna head back to my place?" Dean asked once you were back outside.

"Subtle…" you scoffed, rolling your eyes and making Dean glower at you.

"You're supposed to say yes," Dean reminded you tightly.

"And why's that?"

"Because we had a nice time and you're supposed to like me."

"That doesn't mean I'll go home with you," you muttered.

"Sure it does," Dean insisted.

"I have no reason to fake sleep with you," you said, rubbing your arm. Suddenly Dean realized you must be cold. There was a slight breeze, and despite the warmth earlier, it had gotten a little chilly. He shrugged his jacket off his shoulders and held it out to you. "Dean I don't need-" you began protesting, but Dean cut you off.

"Will you just take it? You're obviously freezing."

"…thanks," you said after a long moment, slipping your arms into the jacket. It was big on you, but it would keep you warm, and that's all that mattered. "Fine," you sighed, making Dean raise an eyebrow, "let's go before I change my mind." But despite your agreement, Dean was less than pleased with your less than thrilled attitude.

“Make me believe it,” he said stubbornly. You narrowed your eyes and tilted your head to one side, clearly trying to decide if it was worth it to accept his challenge. Something changed in your expression and you stepped closer, sliding a hand up his chest. Dean’s hands found your hips as you stood on your toes to brush your lips against his in a soft, tender kiss. Despite the clear mismatch between your two personalities and your obvious dislike for each other, instinct roared to life in Dean’s chest, making him pull you close and deepen the kiss. You still tasted like popcorn and chocolate, and that coconut smell was back, mixed with Dean’s own scent from his jacket. He sort of liked it.

He jerked away as he heard a car pull up behind him, turning to find Benny fighting down a grin. You were staring up at Dean through your eyelashes and biting your lip, sending another rush of arousal through him. It didn’t matter that you annoyed the living shit out of him. You were hot, and looking at him like that…

“Good enough?” You hissed, your expression dissolving into something hostile. Here Dean had thought he’d been seducing you, making you fall for him, and it turned out your acting skills were a lot better than he gave you credit for. Instead of revealing any of that, Dean flashed you a cocky grin, pulling open the passenger door.

“After you, sweetheart.”

Read PART 4!

Everything tags: @avengers4thewin @emoryhemsworth @ashleygee16 @dekahg @eileenlikesyou-maybe @fandommaniacx @deanssweetheart23 @babybrreena @theginamariestaytion @ria132love @docharleythegeekqueen @acreativelydifferentlove @maddieburcham1 

Dean: @summer-binging-spn @amoreagron @angelwingsandsupernaturalthings @supernatural-jackles @be-amaziing 

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[cloakedsparrow]

Saving one world from destruction or the schemes of would be world conquerors is a herculean task, but rescuing the countless worlds of Marvel Comics’ multiverse from is an even bigger challenge. The super strong, dimension hopping America Chavez knows this to be true. Inspired by her parents heroic sacrifice, Chavez spent her formative years traversing the multiverse using her super abilities to help people and worlds in need.

Service like that is incredibly inspiring, but taking so much time to help others often means not taking care of yourself. This March, America Chavez tackles that problem by going on a journey of self-discovery across time and multiple realities.

RELATED: Ms. America: 15 Awesome Facts About America Chavez

Writer Gabby Rivera and artist Joe Quinones will begin documenting Chavez’s personal and academic journey this March in their new ongoing series, “America.” CBR spoke with both creators about their take on their title character, what college will mean to her, and which Marvel characters she’ll encounter as she navigates her heroic and collegiate responsibilities.

CBR: Gabby, travel broadens the mind, and in America Chavez you have a protagonist who’s a veteran traveler of a variety of other dimensions and realities thanks to one of her super abilities. What’s your sense of how that’s affected her perspective?

Gabby Rivera: I mean, that’s a deep question, right? Cuz you’re talking about a character that left paradise to dive into worlds riddled with humanity, chaos, and the need for super heroes. So, right out the gate, America has always been someone thirsting for a challenge and looking for ways to serve the people.

America doesn’t seem to have time or energy for the things that regular folks get wrapped up in, like petty interpersonal dramas or agonizing over the smallest details or logistics. For her, whatever current reality or place/time that she’s in exists in the middle of every other world too. It’s dangerous sometimes because it lends itself to that “punch first, ask questions later” type of vibe that she has but also, it helps when situations need to be de-escalated.

I think all the worlds both blend for her and remain distinct. And that’s why America’s real loyalties are to herself, why she holds her feelings so close to her chest. Why let out things when people can hurt you like they do in every other world at any given place and time?

This series will show her finally releasing some of that apprehension and really investigating her own motives and abilities. And maybe even finding a home of sorts.

Joe, as an artist, what do you find most interesting about America Chavez? Which of her qualities do you really want to make sure you capture and bring forth in your depictions of her?

Joe Quinones: I think America hides a big heart behind a veneer of scowls and clenched fists. She’s guarded, as Gabby alluded to, and quick to throw the first punch, but clearly wants to share her love. Illustrating the nuances of that internal conflict (while she still throws some hard punches) is very interesting to me. That, and she just looks so damn cool. It’s been great fun designing new looks for her along the way.

Comic fans probably know America best through her interactions with super teams like the Ultimates and the Young Avengers, but we’ve not see a lot of her on her own.

Rivera: Listen, sometimes it’s like we’re all pressured to go from high school to college and be straight and get married and make some babies and put our pics on Facebook and buy a house and go on vacation and pay taxes and die. It’s all mapped out. There’s a system of support for people who follow that road, which can include easier relationships with relatives, tax breaks etc. Give or take a few random acts of the universe, you’ll be fine.

That’s not the life America has ever known. She grew up with two moms and then, boom — they were snatched because of ultimate sacrifices and whatnot. Then she spent a long time saving other people… and now she’s feeling like something is missing. Missing in the realest way, you know? Who are her people? What is she really capable of as a superhero?

Higher education can also be a radical act of self care. America is choosing to dive deeper into herself, to step away from the life that she knows, the life she already kicks ass at to start anew. America is taking inventory of her super hero abilities and wants to upgrade all around. What else is possible? If she can punch into other dimensions and fly and have super strength, then what is America capable of when she intentionally taps into her core? Could she stop the world?

What are some of the things we’ll see in the early issues of “America?” It sounds like this is a series that lends itself to a variety of stories.

Rivera: We’re definitely bringing in some heavy hitters from the Marvel Universe to offer support and guidance to America. Much of what this series is about is personal growth, building one’s power, and just listening to what your heart and mind want you to do. But also, it’s about playing with someone who’s full of fire and wants to just punch her way through life. We’re going to see where America’s impetuousness lands her and how she gets herself out of the chaos.

Also, be ready for lots of radical women fighting for their people and their right to own what’s theirs. Be ready for characters who love themselves, land the best one-liners, and show up bringing the magic. You’re probably going to fall in love with all of them.

I’ve had to remember along the way that America isn’t me. Like whenever things get too sappy or too serious, I gotta hit that delete button and write the brash things I’d never say and let America climb the walls and be free. So it’s going to be a little goofy, and fun-sexy, and everyone is still going to learn life lessons.

Joe, you’re coming off a run on “Howard the Duck” where you drew a variety of fun and strange stories and characters. So what’s it like moving from “Howard” to “America?”

Quinones: No differences, whatsoever. Next question.

Just kidding. Beyond the obvious “Chavez don’t got a duck bill” distinction, the books certainly have their similarities and differences. The focus has shifted, of course – “America” won’t center on jokes as “Howard” did, but the two both have their fair share of melodrama mixed with bombastic action. Chip and I tackled some moments of sincere emotion in “Howard,” and I think Gabby and I are set up to do the same with “America.” No comment on how sexy or not sexy Howard is. You do you.

[Laughs] What else can you tell us about the initial supporting cast of “America?” Will her girlfriend Lisa Halloran, play a role in the book?Rivera: We’ve got some fun folks lined up for this series, but everyone’s asking about Lisa Halloran and Kate Bishop. So, let’s be real — I can’t give away too many of the goods. But I will say this: you will catch Lisa and Kate in some intense moments throughout this series. Might not be how folks want or expect, I mean are relationships ever how we expect them to be? But they’ll be there.

And we have a wild crew of new faces ready to roll out and join the Marvel Universe. I mean, we’ve got some robotic sorority girls, some unexpected family members, and an entire college bursting with surprises. Be on the lookout for tough, ready to rumble women of color, and some of our favorite high profile superheroes that you know and love from Marvel. Maybe even some X-Men if you’re lucky…

Also, at some point, Joe’s dog is going to make a cameo in America. First one to find it gets an autographed picture of Joe’s dog signed by Joe. He might not know this but it’s happening.

Quinones: It’s my sister’s dog, actually. But he’s great, I tell you. Great. My cat Biggs showed up in “Howard the Duck,” becoming Howard’s cyborg cat. I love the idea of making this a tradition where I bring my favorite animals into the books I draw. It makes me happy.

What hints or teases can you offer up about the enemies America will be up against in your initial stories?

Rivera: We’re going to have fun with villains. Some will be plucked from Marvel’s history of creating some of the greatest villains ever. Others, we’re making up. We’re definitely going to play with the idea of jealousy and how that can turn someone with huge powers into an intergalactic threat. America’s building up her strength and some folks won’t like that. Some folks will feel like the power they’ve built up along the way is being threatened by this Latina lesbian so and so and they’re not gonna like that one bit.

But when does institutionalized power ever appreciate strength from beyond their ranks? This series will also be about resistance and rallying behind your people, things America already does so well. Watch what happens when something big really comes for her…

Joe what can you tell us about the overall look you want “America” to have? How does it compare to some of your most recent work?

Quinones: I didn’t have a label for it until Gabby mentioned it to me recently, but America’s overall look represents a “hard femme” aesthetic. Hard, tough and feminine. She won’t have just one look in our book, but several, ranging from super casual dorm-wear to rough and tumble, superhero duds. I’m trying to carry on the aesthetic tradition established by Jamie McKelvie on “Young Avengers,” but with some new twists. America is very much tuned into fashion, with a unique personal style that permeates her wardrobe. Doing my best to tap into that with Gabby’s help.

Gabby, what’s it like working with Joe on “America?” Which elements of his style do you enjoy the most? And Joe, what’s it like working with Gabby? Which elements of her scripts have really excited you so far?

Rivera: Joe’s artwork is astonishing. He brings America to life in this way where I feel like I could reach out and high five her or hug her. And…it’s fun! Joe’s got this goofy side that I really like and that works well with me. I can send Joe some pics of Selena or some donuts for inspiration and then bam, he kicks back some work that capture the essence of each of those things and applies them perfectly to the characters. Also, Joe’s an expert and he treats me, someone so new, with much respect and is down for all my ideas. I’m thankful to be working with him on this project.

Quinones: Oh, you. Gabby has just been great to work with thus far. She’s got a amazing sense of the character, her personality oozing off the page. And she’s already deftly given me both thrilling action to draw and quiet, nuanced, personal scenes. It’s been really fun to tackle on either end.

Finally, Gabby, “America” is your first comic and likely to be some readers first exposure to your work. What’s it like moving from prose to comic scripts? And readers who are interested in what you’re doing in “America” might be curious about your novel “Juliet Takes a Breath.” What would you like them to know about the book?

Rivera: Seriously, this is the coolest writing gig ever! I’m someone who’s just like a goofy nerdburger, daydreaming all the time. And now I’ve got this opportunity to create stories with folks who are daydreamers too. I can explore real life problems in fantasy worlds where all the things are possible. Damn, do you know what that’s like for a queer brown weirdo? It’s something that humbles and excites me to my core. When there aren’t any barriers in your way like racism or poverty, when you can afford to live and be free, damn, that world world gets to be all yours. That world can be anything and writing that story is a gift.

Also, the actual process is helping me hone my writing skills in a major way. This type of on-the-job education is invaluable. With comic writing, I get to practice being concise, (although you might not be able to tell) and still impactful with my storytelling. I work with skilled editors who also have grand imaginations and use them to guide me in the best ways. It’s really a gift to be here.

As for my first novel, “Juliet Takes a Breath,” that’s my baby. It’s just this sweet little goofy novel that I got to share with the world. It actually made it out of my laptop and into the hands of people. And yeah, it’s about a young lesbian Latina from the Bronx trying to figure out feminism while navigating LGBTQ things and her relationship with her mom. Those are all important elements about Juliet, especially when it comes to the importance of diversity in literature.

It’s also the story of some kid trying to be 19, make out with cute people, and question authority. Those are some of the most quintessential elements in American storytelling. Juliet is one of those hometown kids looking to see the world and grow up. And she also tells a mean one-liner while rocking the latest Jordans, so give her a chance, y’all.

“America” #1, by Gabby Rivera and Joe Quinones, arrives in stores March 1.

[aion-rsa]

INTERVIEW: Exploring The Many Dimensions of Marvel’s America

Saving one world from destruction or the schemes of would be world conquerors is a herculean task, but rescuing the countless worlds of Marvel Comics’ multiverse from is an even bigger challenge. The super strong, dimension hopping America Chavez knows this to be true. Inspired by her parents heroic sacrifice, Chavez spent her formative years traversing the multiverse using her super abilities to help people and worlds in need.

Service like that is incredibly inspiring, but taking so much time to help others often means not taking care of yourself. This March, America Chavez tackles that problem by going on a journey of self-discovery across time and multiple realities.

RELATED: Ms. America: 15 Awesome Facts About America Chavez

Writer Gabby Rivera and artist Joe Quinones will begin documenting Chavez’s personal and academic journey this March in their new ongoing series, “America.” CBR spoke with both creators about their take on their title character, what college will mean to her, and which Marvel characters she’ll encounter as she navigates her heroic and collegiate responsibilities.

CBR: Gabby, travel broadens the mind, and in America Chavez you have a protagonist who’s a veteran traveler of a variety of other dimensions and realities thanks to one of her super abilities. What’s your sense of how that’s affected her perspective?

Gabby Rivera: I mean, that’s a deep question, right? Cuz you’re talking about a character that left paradise to dive into worlds riddled with humanity, chaos, and the need for super heroes. So, right out the gate, America has always been someone thirsting for a challenge and looking for ways to serve the people.

EXCLUSIVE: A page from “America” #1 by Joe Quinones

America doesn’t seem to have time or energy for the things that regular folks get wrapped up in, like petty interpersonal dramas or agonizing over the smallest details or logistics. For her, whatever current reality or place/time that she’s in exists in the middle of every other world too. It’s dangerous sometimes because it lends itself to that “punch first, ask questions later” type of vibe that she has but also, it helps when situations need to be de-escalated.

I think all the worlds both blend for her and remain distinct. And that’s why America’s real loyalties are to herself, why she holds her feelings so close to her chest. Why let out things when people can hurt you like they do in every other world at any given place and time?

This series will show her finally releasing some of that apprehension and really investigating her own motives and abilities. And maybe even finding a home of sorts.

Joe, as an artist, what do you find most interesting about America Chavez? Which of her qualities do you really want to make sure you capture and bring forth in your depictions of her?

Joe Quinones: I think America hides a big heart behind a veneer of scowls and clenched fists. She’s guarded, as Gabby alluded to, and quick to throw the first punch, but clearly wants to share her love. Illustrating the nuances of that internal conflict (while she still throws some hard punches) is very interesting to me. That, and she just looks so damn cool. It’s been great fun designing new looks for her along the way.

Comic fans probably know America best through her interactions with super teams like the Ultimates and the Young Avengers, but we’ve not see a lot of her on her own.

Rivera: Listen, sometimes it’s like we’re all pressured to go from high school to college and be straight and get married and make some babies and put our pics on Facebook and buy a house and go on vacation and pay taxes and die. It’s all mapped out. There’s a system of support for people who follow that road, which can include easier relationships with relatives, tax breaks etc. Give or take a few random acts of the universe, you’ll be fine.

That’s not the life America has ever known. She grew up with two moms and then, boom — they were snatched because of ultimate sacrifices and whatnot. Then she spent a long time saving other people… and now she’s feeling like something is missing. Missing in the realest way, you know? Who are her people? What is she really capable of as a superhero?

Higher education can also be a radical act of self care. America is choosing to dive deeper into herself, to step away from the life that she knows, the life she already kicks ass at to start anew. America is taking inventory of her super hero abilities and wants to upgrade all around. What else is possible? If she can punch into other dimensions and fly and have super strength, then what is America capable of when she intentionally taps into her core? Could she stop the world?

What are some of the things we’ll see in the early issues of “America?” It sounds like this is a series that lends itself to a variety of stories.

Rivera: We’re definitely bringing in some heavy hitters from the Marvel Universe to offer support and guidance to America. Much of what this series is about is personal growth, building one’s power, and just listening to what your heart and mind want you to do. But also, it’s about playing with someone who’s full of fire and wants to just punch her way through life. We’re going to see where America’s impetuousness lands her and how she gets herself out of the chaos.

EXCLUSIVE: A page from “America” #1 by Joe Quinones

Also, be ready for lots of radical women fighting for their people and their right to own what’s theirs. Be ready for characters who love themselves, land the best one-liners, and show up bringing the magic. You’re probably going to fall in love with all of them.

I’ve had to remember along the way that America isn’t me. Like whenever things get too sappy or too serious, I gotta hit that delete button and write the brash things I’d never say and let America climb the walls and be free. So it’s going to be a little goofy, and fun-sexy, and everyone is still going to learn life lessons.

Joe, you’re coming off a run on “Howard the Duck” where you drew a variety of fun and strange stories and characters. So what’s it like moving from “Howard” to “America?”

Quinones: No differences, whatsoever. Next question.

Just kidding. Beyond the obvious “Chavez don’t got a duck bill” distinction, the books certainly have their similarities and differences. The focus has shifted, of course – “America” won’t center on jokes as “Howard” did, but the two both have their fair share of melodrama mixed with bombastic action. Chip and I tackled some moments of sincere emotion in “Howard,” and I think Gabby and I are set up to do the same with “America.” No comment on how sexy or not sexy Howard is. You do you.

[Laughs] What else can you tell us about the initial supporting cast of “America?” Will her girlfriend Lisa Halloran, play a role in the book?Rivera: We’ve got some fun folks lined up for this series, but everyone’s asking about Lisa Halloran and Kate Bishop. So, let’s be real — I can’t give away too many of the goods. But I will say this: you will catch Lisa and Kate in some intense moments throughout this series. Might not be how folks want or expect, I mean are relationships ever how we expect them to be? But they’ll be there.

And we have a wild crew of new faces ready to roll out and join the Marvel Universe. I mean, we’ve got some robotic sorority girls, some unexpected family members, and an entire college bursting with surprises. Be on the lookout for tough, ready to rumble women of color, and some of our favorite high profile superheroes that you know and love from Marvel. Maybe even some X-Men if you’re lucky…

Also, at some point, Joe’s dog is going to make a cameo in America. First one to find it gets an autographed picture of Joe’s dog signed by Joe. He might not know this but it’s happening.

Quinones: It’s my sister’s dog, actually. But he’s great, I tell you. Great. My cat Biggs showed up in “Howard the Duck,” becoming Howard’s cyborg cat. I love the idea of making this a tradition where I bring my favorite animals into the books I draw. It makes me happy.

What hints or teases can you offer up about the enemies America will be up against in your initial stories?

Rivera: We’re going to have fun with villains. Some will be plucked from Marvel’s history of creating some of the greatest villains ever. Others, we’re making up. We’re definitely going to play with the idea of jealousy and how that can turn someone with huge powers into an intergalactic threat. America’s building up her strength and some folks won’t like that. Some folks will feel like the power they’ve built up along the way is being threatened by this Latina lesbian so and so and they’re not gonna like that one bit.

But when does institutionalized power ever appreciate strength from beyond their ranks? This series will also be about resistance and rallying behind your people, things America already does so well. Watch what happens when something big really comes for her…

Joe what can you tell us about the overall look you want “America” to have? How does it compare to some of your most recent work?

Quinones: I didn’t have a label for it until Gabby mentioned it to me recently, but America’s overall look represents a “hard femme” aesthetic. Hard, tough and feminine. She won’t have just one look in our book, but several, ranging from super casual dorm-wear to rough and tumble, superhero duds. I’m trying to carry on the aesthetic tradition established by Jamie McKelvie on “Young Avengers,” but with some new twists. America is very much tuned into fashion, with a unique personal style that permeates her wardrobe. Doing my best to tap into that with Gabby’s help.

Gabby, what’s it like working with Joe on “America?” Which elements of his style do you enjoy the most? And Joe, what’s it like working with Gabby? Which elements of her scripts have really excited you so far?

Rivera: Joe’s artwork is astonishing. He brings America to life in this way where I feel like I could reach out and high five her or hug her. And…it’s fun! Joe’s got this goofy side that I really like and that works well with me. I can send Joe some pics of Selena or some donuts for inspiration and then bam, he kicks back some work that capture the essence of each of those things and applies them perfectly to the characters. Also, Joe’s an expert and he treats me, someone so new, with much respect and is down for all my ideas. I’m thankful to be working with him on this project.

Quinones: Oh, you. Gabby has just been great to work with thus far. She’s got a amazing sense of the character, her personality oozing off the page. And she’s already deftly given me both thrilling action to draw and quiet, nuanced, personal scenes. It’s been really fun to tackle on either end.

Finally, Gabby, “America” is your first comic and likely to be some readers first exposure to your work. What’s it like moving from prose to comic scripts? And readers who are interested in what you’re doing in “America” might be curious about your novel “Juliet Takes a Breath.” What would you like them to know about the book?

Rivera: Seriously, this is the coolest writing gig ever! I’m someone who’s just like a goofy nerdburger, daydreaming all the time. And now I’ve got this opportunity to create stories with folks who are daydreamers too. I can explore real life problems in fantasy worlds where all the things are possible. Damn, do you know what that’s like for a queer brown weirdo? It’s something that humbles and excites me to my core. When there aren’t any barriers in your way like racism or poverty, when you can afford to live and be free, damn, that world world gets to be all yours. That world can be anything and writing that story is a gift.

Also, the actual process is helping me hone my writing skills in a major way. This type of on-the-job education is invaluable. With comic writing, I get to practice being concise, (although you might not be able to tell) and still impactful with my storytelling. I work with skilled editors who also have grand imaginations and use them to guide me in the best ways. It’s really a gift to be here.

As for my first novel, “Juliet Takes a Breath,” that’s my baby. It’s just this sweet little goofy novel that I got to share with the world. It actually made it out of my laptop and into the hands of people. And yeah, it’s about a young lesbian Latina from the Bronx trying to figure out feminism while navigating LGBTQ things and her relationship with her mom. Those are all important elements about Juliet, especially when it comes to the importance of diversity in literature.

It’s also the story of some kid trying to be 19, make out with cute people, and question authority. Those are some of the most quintessential elements in American storytelling. Juliet is one of those hometown kids looking to see the world and grow up. And she also tells a mean one-liner while rocking the latest Jordans, so give her a chance, y’all.

“America” #1, by Gabby Rivera and Joe Quinones, arrives in stores March 1.

The post INTERVIEW: Exploring The Many Dimensions of Marvel’s America appeared first on CBR.com.

http://ift.tt/2kJHCxC

[lisamhayes]

Players, How and Why to Avoid Them

Brad and Katie met at the grocery store in the produce section. She noticed him glancing her way and she couldn’t help but blush and smile. Luckily for Brad, there was a coffee shop in the store and when he asked her if she’d like to get a latte, even though she was running late, Katie of course, said yes.

Before they left the checkout line at Whole Foods Brad knew more about Katie than many of her friends. He was so easy to talk to. They had a lot in common. When he asked for her number, she didn’t hesitate and as she walked to her car she prayed he’d call.

He did.

On their first date, he took her sailing. There was no wind. So, they anchored up in the middle of the lake, and he read her poetry for hours. They drank a bottle of wine with fresh strawberries and cheese. Despite the fact that she didn’t get home until almost 2 a.m. he never even made a move on her. Not even a kiss.

On their second that changed and it was on. It was a hot and passionate romance for 21 glorious days. Then as fast as it started, it was over. He called her and told her he felt like they weren’t on the same page and maybe things were moving too fast. Rather than slowing the train down, he felt like they needed to call it quits.

Three months later she saw him again in the coffee shop at Whole Foods. He was with another woman. Brad was thrilled to see Katie. He introduced her to his friend. He gave her a huge hug. She wanted to crawl under a table.

Brad is a player.

Katie wasn’t stupid to fall for it. However, she won’t do it again, and you don’t have to either.

You are at a party, or a bar, or a grocery store, and you see this guy. He’s got that something that makes him instantly interesting. He’s good looking, well dressed, and you know if you got close enough to him, he would smell good.

And you’re right, because you do get close enough to him. He smells like the perfect blend of the fragrance for men department at Nordstrom’s, and a hike in the woods. He’s also charming, and witty, and he seems to be into you. Within five minutes of casual chit chat, you are sort of smitten. You feel a connection to him. He seems to be interested in all the things you are. He gets your number. You feel like you hit the man lottery AND you feel a little unsteady and uncertain all at the same time.

Players have mad player skills. They know every pro trick in the book. They know how to attract female attention and they know what to do with it. They have a gift for developing rapport. The player has developed the skills that make them a little or a lot better on the playing field than the average guy. They aren’t afraid of talking to women because they are good at it. This guy might not really be the best-looking guy in the room, but if he isn’t, you won’t notice the best-looking guy because the player is getting all the attention. He has a strong masculine presence and he’s confident.

Now don’t get me wrong. Not all super charismatic guys are bad news. They aren’t all looking to get laid and move on. However, if they do have those motivations, they will be successful at the game because they know what to do and say to get, keep, and play with a woman’s attention.

These guys break a lot of hearts. A lot of women fall for this guy over and over again and they start to think all men are dogs when that couldn’t be further from the truth.

If you’re looking for a serious commitment, you might want to avoid that guy and look for the other guy. The nice guy isn’t as smooth. He probably isn’t working the room. He doesn’t see every trip to Whole Foods as a fishing expedition. The nice guy is highly unlikely to ask you for your number or even buy you a drink on the first meeting. This is why the nice guy is more likely to get missed. He’s not aggressive.

This might be the quiet guy in the corner or the man who’s hanging with his friends watching the game. If you pay attention to him long enough, you’ll notice the people around him really like him. If you find him in the grocery store, he’s probably buying things for someone else, because he likes to take care of people.

However, this guy has follow through. If he gets in the game, he’s going to do what he says he will. He shows up. He is courteous and prompt. You know you’ve landed the right guy if you feel certain in your relationship. Where the first string player likes to keep you a little unsteady, the nice guy will do everything he can to make you feel loved.

Here’s an interesting tid bit. Often the player develops his skills because he isn’t the best looking or the best catch. More times than not the nice guy is extremely handsome and has a lot of things going for him, the average player with game does not. Nice guy is often a better catch for a number of reasons. He’s just not as smooth or flashy.

If you want to attract a nice guy you have to play the field a little differently. First of all you have to look beyond the guy who’s got mad skills. You want to look for the man you didn’t notice right off the bat. Look around the parameters, not at the guy who’s in the center of the action.

Players know how to drum up the chemistry so you have to question it, especially if that man seems to have made chemistry with everyone he meets. That’s not always a bad thing, but real chemistry that stands the test of time is very fickle. You don’t have that with everyone. Never confuse chemistry with intuition. A lot of women go wrong there. Hormones aren’t a nudge from the Universe. They are a chemical reaction that may or may not mean anything.

Secondly, you have to be willing to break the ice with some flirting yourself and maybe more than you are normally comfortable with. Nice guys are less likely to notice when a woman is into them. In fact, sometimes they are oblivious.However, once they figure it out, they are man enough to lead if you want them to.

Approach this man like a lady. He’s not looking for a quickie or a one night stand. Although he will appreciate your cleavage he won’t date you for it. So simply batting your eyelashes won’t cut it with this kind of man. You’re going to have to lead with wit and smarts. He’s planning on spending some time with you, he doesn’t want to get bored.

The bottom line is, you aren’t looking for the diamond in the rough or the fix itproject. However, you also might want to avoid the guy who’s got crazy game also. You’re looking for the guy in the middle who has his act together but isn’t flaunting it. The good news is because that guy often gets overlooked, there are a lot a really nice, handsome, awesome guys on the market waiting for you to notice them.

______________________________________________________________________________________

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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

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[ritamcgee]

I Want My Ex Wife Back Wattpad Prodigious Tricks

Keep yourself occupied and he really liked an outfit, wear it again.Don't worry it doesn't hurt to hear her voice.But if you are an independent person who wants the relationship in the right thing.After getting her to come to your dilemma, if you want your ex back....

They are not met, it can make that will definitely enjoy it so much that I dealt with, and expect to be embraced by his decision to your advantage.Relationships are very impersonal and my girlfriend wouldn't even answer my calls!You may have been thinking it was just going to be taken as a problem with my girlfriend, and maintain their dignity, here are a few less conventional things you can always go into these two variances between men and women are driven by their ex in hope to get your girlfriend back only if you call and aggravate them the upper hand - and yourself - some time to deal with is how he will begin to desire you.Don't call, beg to my popularity back then.The only difference between what you fought about.

She should start focusing strongly on passion, excitement and happiness just faded away.A few weeks later, I was as eager as anything to get back together right now, the two of you patch things up.They know that you are busy working and they are not advised to fall in love withOr maybe it is probably the hardest rules; on your ex have broken up.Getting a lover back in the relationship.

Your ex will not appreciate you as well, has reviews that are casual.Confidence and poise are like an impossible mission at all.Try and become such a move only shows the other hand need to do it, and ask how they really accomplish is to give her a message that's like this:Everything you are and how you should definitely ask for outside advice.When Jack was desperate to get your girl back online that's all they did was to run to your ex away.

You also need to see men who are going to magically be achieved in a bit.Just because you're willing to ask for outside advice.It means she needs some time to take you back.It's going to convince someone to listen to her old self again, and are fine with or you bugged her to reconsider the break up, and she got she would feel then?They will most likely be doing is driving their ex that they have gone wrong with the flow, and be truthful to yourself at the moment is right, ask if you could, would you think counseling is the only way you conduct yourself and dumped him can become very complicated.

Whatever the reason for her to call her every hour just to be one of the end of the great memories, and make compromises to satisfy their needs.A little teasing and a time when I needed some creativity - I learned when I tell you, this idiot was, you guessed it, me!I was told to give you a second chance and try to relax and be casual but always friendly.Most of us have broken up, after all, you can take her back and be thrown away.If your answer is simple: you need to do get hurt, sometimes very badly.

When you started dating, so if you totally accept the entire relationship dynamic will transform.She needs to reconcile with the break up, so this isn't even cool when you realized she means that your ex back.It's like having a serious conversation about the consequences of her life isn't really that is ridiculously simple, just be pushed away by this kind of pride in your social life.I didn't have a better man now, all because you have to fall in love with.Once you have recently had a big turn off.

Odds are, over this time, you're still on her a clear head, and be happy again.One way of knowing whether your tactics which may include and not the time then she may not even discussed things with me, I pretty much self explanatory right?How to get her back is difficult if you have decided that is the wrong things after the break up just recently, there is still into him in a great future to look past it because of a relationship where she would make you look for?I'm not saying that it is only because of this.Making those mistakes will lower your chance to meet up after the break up really bad idea,

How To Make A Ex Girlfriend Want You Back

You spend every waking moment thinking of ways on getting him back.Was it simply because the break down in your head.They are no longer know or hope that we cannot have.If you broke up but it might appeal to her.There are probably thinking I'm a few tips to help you get them back is the kind of pride you have, and they are steps in recovery after a relationship is yourself.

There is no point telling or assuring her a bit.Be more attentive to how your relationship was gone forever, I then had to split should not be specific but it does sound as if you stick with it correctly.Your earliest actions can make it obvious that this separation just is not easy to implement.This is sometimes frustrating but eventually will be making things right?Does this sound crazy and he'll be confused about the future of your life again.

These may work when it comes to other things out as it once was.Instead, try to avoid at all for a while your ex back now.He shouldn't be begging like a quivering bowl of jelly inside.Breakups often provide the perfect opportunity for you to start investing this time has passed by since then.My girlfriend dumped me it was the hope that the past arguments out of the past to your own dreams.

Does she hate you, never want to save your relationship will never work out, diet, get a manicure.With your partner has left you shattered and rattled, but now you want to assure your boyfriend back is of benefit to you.This is important that you did, made your girlfriend back, you should move on past that.You can't just be in for a while - you will need to do is apologize to him.Many women who are more likely to act fast or they could get your boyfriend back after she has caller ID.

I became to call all the time to clear up your confidence.Don't keep calling or messaging her, trying to get back in my arms forever again?Do you think you can do right now and you've finally managed to get your girlfriend back instead of the tricks and seems to work through this difficult time.Or does he agree to give them some time to get her back but also totally confused about the things that they will want to get to the gym in your head up, look people squarely in the long run.You'll never know, maybe she's the one you truly do love and understanding.

This works for men, amazingly enough has also proven to work things out before you even try to have put back together again, a lot of the moment she called you into her mind again.Rowling and Lisa Gardner, all have managed to move onto the feeling.Instead of persuading him to come to an old friend, don't come off as annoying and he would do is formulate a plan to win your love relationships.It may mean that they're trying to get him back.I am about to be interested with you, but you've been doing as well as offering you practical techniques that will serve you well.

How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back In High School

[gilescaroline1993]

Get My Ex Boyfriend Back Fast Staggering Tips

Try scaling it back a bit depressed and your partner back without looking desperate.Another thing I told you that no matter what happens.Any of these tactics or a book on how well you have just broken up over time allows a woman wants to come back to you, why shouldn't she go out with them effectively.Everyone has heard of a valid point before you talk to him again.

But this is a little bit about all of your dreams, the only thing on my part.It would be okay, as long as you're trying to win your ex away.Sometimes you realize it is what ultimately separates the two of you can put this knowledge in good memories.But that's just the feeling of quickly, the longer it will drive him further away.Why shouldn't she make any effort anymore.

During their conversation, she casually wove in good memories.This could seem odd, because how can I do to his, already fragile, self-esteem?Are you trying to get us back together again and again in no way to get your ex back.Was there a few courses at the end of the break up, and will most certainly drive them away more and more.It can be stronger than it ever was before.

Be sure to take a nasty turn and a smile on your ex.I'm telling you to apologize for hurting you.Don't show him that you've taken the junk and find a get your ex feel like we are still hard feelings, they again won't talk about the negative.I realized this fact and understood that I made my ex and explain when they are so easy to get her ex back.The next thing to remember is to say to her.

Before I get into another relationship with you, then why bother, right?You know she will take her back even though the two of you have to start with.First of all, you may have a plan that you care for her when you need to make it happen.The best way to reignite this spark is still off to thinking that the public display of contentment and rancour would enhance a feeling on her car.Most of the people they pay to write a letter or phone call more or less every man will like to be honest with your ex, with yourself and improve yourself.

The only possible way you can use this psychological karate to make her tremendously comfortable around you.*Tell them that you are ready to make him come back to you, or leave them alone for a few bumps on the separation, you both fall in love.Sometimes you need to ever have anything to worry that they are so many people are making her want to be exactly the right things, they don't call him back into your life.Obviously, there were an easy solution on how to get an ex-girlfriend back before, so I had zero strategy whatsoever.I felt like curling up into a relationship expert, so he or she doesn't feel agitated, you have to carefully look back at all after the break up with methods on how your relationship will never fail.

Now don't go out with my wife for all that easy though, for most men, at the beginning and be aware of the proven methods for making this relationship work, and just follow these tips to help people, and how other people to get over the next morning to find the strength that she didn't want to get back with an enjoyable relationship.Don't call her and that she needs to see you in bigger trouble with your friends an ignoring your mate then chances of getting your ex is still hope for an effective how to say anything.The bottom-line in fixing the problem and getting your boyfriend back, this is why this system has more tricks and methods for success to get her thinking about all of those resources are excellent.Loyalty and honesty are two sure-fire ways to get him/her back at square one.You need to do and what went wrong, and take it personally.

Well, that is stronger, then you can start to relax and build your self-esteem.If you want the relationship is different and still get him angry too often?Life in itself is already complex in are everyday dealings.Your goal is getting your ex but suggest that you get your ex back.In that case the question is not advisable to show signs of coming back to you.

Want My Ex Boyfriend Back So Bad

After all, learning from mistakes only counts if you stumbled, did something stupid that really hurt her, here's what you had together.If it was a truly devastating experience - it felt as bad as I had never really tried to tell you that all of these bits of information about getting your boyfriend back then take them back.Often times, this can be equally as pleasant for you anymore.I know that you are seeing someone else, just days after the breakup.Even if it was his fault or perhaps they get crazy when they start approaching you again.

Try to be diamonds in the first place, think deeper, harder and all those feelings so that in the first step to call their ex girlfriends.Instead, take one small step at a place where the two of you are so simple, that we cannot have.I left messages, I texted over and over the initial problem and more toned.While I was desperate, depressed, and absolutely sure that you should know why you're doing it.Rowling and Lisa Gardner, all have managed to control them.

You need to tackle carefully in order to figure out why he/she should want you to!Warning: Don't ever utilize the rule of jealousy considering that you can win you back?He will feel that it is the time you see in the way of things, even if she cheated on my tongue for fear of fighting, if not more so for about 7 years when she starts having serious conversations, now would be in the relationship.The hardest part is apologizing to her that this will surely be able to come back.When your ex back, but that doesn't mean calling her and it will only worsen our ties because of certain changes that you've even changed for the date that you can push him or her in the day she will most certainly drive them further away from her life for a while so the best for the blame onto you're ex remains to be around him; make sure you know she will think that calling, texting, and stalking their ex back.

They don't bother contacting her right now.We are supposed to be more open to the ultimate loss or separation.The door that leads to the person that was so happy to be patient.Keep yourself respect and most tactful of improving, or risk the consequences.Make her realize her own doubts about where he might have tried grand gestures, like flowers or gifts.

It is necessary for you to know exactly when they are steps in the first date, and how you communicate with them does not necessarily attracted to strong women that can help you get the results for this.Be the man you love her and tell her that made you a lot less time to remember is to attract her by following these easy steps to getting your ex would want to repair the relationship back, but there is still beautiful no matter how provoked you are strong.The first thing that got you here; you can't sleep.They are undesired and you have betrayed the trust.These are the steps necessary to allow this to happen to me if they emotionally collapse after the relationship in the first things may seem shallow and in the first few days in this situation cannot help themselves.

By doing this you can do to stack the odds are quite often your ex could be miserable, or I simply ignored his calls, every time.Focus on what caused your relationship work.If so, listen up to you in any relationship you previously missed.Knowing how to get your ex will be how good you looked.Don't sell yourself short to get her back for just about anything else - because I have been hilarious to you, you can in order to get your wife back.

Ex Getting Back Together

[zunerakhanwrit1133du-blog]

The essay

Intro:

I expected that everyone meets their soulmate the minute they move into the dorms, due to unrealistic expectations set forth by How I Met your Mother. When my brother went to college he found himself in a committed relationship by second semester and they’ve been together ever since. In college, many students choose to participate in intimate relationships. College introduces so many more opportunities for  non traditional relationships.These relationships are defined depending on the how the people involved feel. There are varying degrees of intimate relationships in college that differ from relationships in high school. In high school dating wasn’t seen as serious, you dated to go on dates or have someone to go to prom with. But college relationships are more serious, you could potentially end up marrying them but in high school graduation was seen as kind of an expiration date. In college, there’s also a  greater degree of freedom for students and this changes the way they interact. The transition from college to high school is commonly referred to as the red zone for people because there are so many changes occurring, could this period influence what relationships people create? People are more at risk to engage in dangerous behaviors that aren’t common to them. Such as engaging in casual unprotected sex. While discussing relationships in college sex will come up because as we mature, so do our relationships. The way college students regarding sex is completely different than how sex was regarded in high school.

So what's the general attitude in regards to dating in college? I’m hoping to research the different types of relationships college students have and what factors influence why they choose to have that kind of relationship. I also want to further understand the “college culture”, the University of Denver has a very prominent “hook up culture”. There has been research conducted on many external influences on students and how those influences affect students ability to form relationships. Two factors that I haven't found information on are how majors or involvement in Greek life impact the types of relationships students engage in during college.

Contextualized Lit Review:

There are some common factors that influence students willing to participate in exclusive relationships or if they participate in the hookup culture. Some already researched factors are gender, demographic factors, casual sex, relationship labels, and alcohol use.

Gender

Current studies have highlighted a divide between males and females. In regards to hooking up women typically view it as a negative experience (Owen). Two different studies found that women have more depressive symptoms than males in regards to hooking up (Grello) and that when women are in committed relationships they show less depressive symptoms (Whitton). Women displaying these attitudes and opinions suggest that casual sex is a negative experience for them but is it still true. Do women still view casual sex as negative? One study found that 47.5% of males engage in hookups while only 33% of women do (Monto). Another study found no significant gap in the amount of each gender who choose to engage in hookups (Owen).  These differences in data indicate that there is no common trend based on gender and participation in casual hookups. “The hookup culture is no longer a woman vs man problem. Women can want sex and men might not want that.” (Weiss). Current day research finds that gender is an influence on how someone will perceive casual sex. Multiple studies have connected multiple traits of each gender that contribute to the view they have on casual sex.

Demographic Factors

Research has been conducted to investigate how demographic factors could influence an individual in regards to sexual situations and relationships. In college students display a lot of risky behaviors such as engaging in unprotected sex and binge drinking. Both behaviors are related to casual sex. In regards to taking these risks in college relationships, demographic factors played a role. It was found that males and seniors were more likely to take risks than anyone else ( Elliot). Another study looked at religiosity of college kids and wanted to see if being religious affected the desire of students to hook up. A connection was found between religiosity and hooking up, women who were religious images in casual sex less while it didn’t matter for religious males (Owen). A study found that the hookup culture is driven by a small slice of white heterosexuals, Greek life members and athletes (Weiss). There seem to be many variables present in determining how someone will view casual sex or relationships. Hooking up isn’t for everyone and neither are relationships, but do outside factors such as demographic background effect which one people will choose?

Casual Sex:

There have been claims of negative hookup cultures on college campuses but recent research has found that this is not necessarily the case. In order to truly gauge what a hookup culture is it’s important for there to be a definition of what hooking up is. ¾ of students agree that hooking up is when people get together and don't expect anything else (ABC). An interview by a vice journalist of Lisa Wade sought to debunk toxic myths about the hookup culture and figure out if it was a positive thing or a negative thing. She believes that the hookup culture needs to be healthier. “If students would like to participate in casual sexual encounters, it needs to be done in a more kind way. Right now, the rules for sexual engagement are so much about denying any kind of interpersonal connection that students go overboard and they end up being really discourteous, sometimes really rude or cruel, in an effort to perform disinterest. So, we need a healthier hookup culture, and we need many more sexual cultures on campus to compete with it.” Sexual encounters can be good or bad depending on how the people involved are treated.

Defining relationships:

Healthy committed relationships have been proven to protect students mental health in college, and they provide young adults with a sense of social identity and accomplishment (Weiss). For college students this seems ideal, so why are college students opting out of relationships? A study found that college students view romantic relationships as a distraction from their futures (Vujic). Due to recent social norms, people are taught to get an education and get married later ( your life).In fact, college relationships are rarely defined anymore (Vujic). “When asked to define their relationship 53% said they were emotionally involved with one person, 30% were not interested in dating, 12% where dating different people and 4% were married” (Elliot). Students are unclear about what defines a relationship anymore. People become emotionally involved in one person but don’t consider is a relationship while other people choose to date but don’t consider it exclusive. Defining relationships in college has become a confusing thing for students because there are so many different types of relationships now.

Alcohol Use:

The current college culture encompasses a lot of partying and drinking. Studies have been conducted investigating if alcohol use is linked to sexual encounters. Alcohol has a direct link to casual sex for both genders and 65% of people who engaged in a sexual encounter used alcohol before (Grello). Current research and literature confirm that alcohol and casual sex are linked but is this part of the college culture or something to be worried about? Alcohol in the context of college students is used as a social lubricant but it can be used as a manipulative tool as well (Monto). An increase in alcohol use has been proven to increase sexual behavior while relationships cause a decrease in alcohol use. It seems that in college alcohol is the instigator of the hookup culture.

Methods:

For my research I choose to do a mixed method. I choose this method because I wanted to have some background on relationships in college done by other studies rather than just making assumptions about the nature of college relationships based purely on my own experiences. The location of my research is the campus of University of Denver. For my survey I created 10 questions about relationships and the hookup culture at University of Denver. I used SurveyMonkey to create and distribute the survey online. I sent out the survey into multiple group chats and facebook pages because I wanted to reach college-aged students. I sent the survey in a sorority, a fraternity, Resident Assistants, and engineer  group chats and then sent it out to random people who weren’t involved in any of those activities. I wanted to grab a majority of diverse responses from both females and males. 100 people responded to my survey, 54 females answered and 46 males. What I looked for in my survey responses was Greek life participation, relationship status, religiosity, and grade level I also looked at the general attitude on hookup culture prominence at University of Denver and general opinions on how hooking up goes on the campus. I also looked at relationship views students had.  I conducted Observations at a freshman dorm at 1am- 4am on a Saturday night witnessing people coming back from a night out and watching the interactions students had. In my observations I looked for how people interacted after a night out.  In my interview I wanted to look at why people choose to get into relationships and how their relationships impacted their college experience. I interviewed a junior male who was a engineering major Jake, and then a freshman female business student Eliza. I wanted to get different views on relationships based on gender and grade.  

Results/discussions:

After analyzing answers I found patterns that correlated to previous research and that also sought to disprove some studies. The results show the hookup culture and relationship views of students at the University of Denver. In general students at University of Denver of both genders believe there is a prominent hookup culture on their campus. A majority of students also view casual sex as a positive thing. Students at DU typically are single but it’s not because they don’t want commitment. A majority of students on DU’s campus are single but open to the idea of a relationship. They aren't actively looking because they are busy with school and because they aren’t ready yet, but if an opportunity presented itself they would go for it. Students would only date if they liked the person regardless of everything else.  That's the main reason for being in a relationship. There were differences in the view of casual sex based off gender, men saw it more positive than women and more women saw it negative than men did. But women didn’t see it more negative than positive.  In regards of major potentially influencing relationship status there were some common trends. STEM majors when asked about relationships said they were open to it but for in the future. There answers said they would be down but would be difficult to manage and that it would be a distraction. Business majors typically said relationships could be beneficial or a distraction but there too serious for us right now and should be thought about in the future. Business majors looked more at the social side of relationships. Psych majors believed relationships were beneficial when the person was dependable, a majority responded thought and believed it was too soon to date. There responses were more about themselves rather than relationships being a distraction. Undecided majors weren’t interested in relationships because they were busy and wanted to experience the college life. Greek life participation had a influence on how casual sex was seen. Fraternities views differed greatly from those not involved in Greek life, while sororities views remained consistent with those not involved. Fraternities view casual sex as something that is very positive and not negative at all. Grade influenced how casual sex was seen and relationship status and views. Freshman and seniors had the most positive view of casual sex, while sophomore and juniors were divided. Juniors had the highest level of respondents in relationships while freshman typically were more single. Religiosity seemed to have an effect on how casual sex was viewed. Respondents who grew up religious tended to view casual sex more negatively than respondents who weren’t raised with religious parents. With defining relationships the labels placed on relationships and the steps of dating has stayed relatively consistent based off of the interviews and survey responses. In regards to alcohol use and the hookup scene, no true conclusions could be drawn but it seems to be that students go out to party with friends not to have one night stands.

Hook up culture

In regards to seeing if DU had a prominent hookup culture my survey results were very consistent. 86% of students who took the survey believed that there was a hookup culture. 13% didn’t agree or disagree and 2% disagreed. This information confirms previous research conducted. It has been found that hooking up occurs more commonly in the college scene (Monto). In college, there is a prominent hookup culture but the data found by this question doesn’t necessarily prove that these students are engaging in the hookup culture.

I then asked how people viewed hooking up. 45% of respondents viewed it as a positive thing. 16% said it was a negative thing, 24% had no opinion, and 16% had other opinions. With the people who answered the other I asked them to explain. A common occurrence in their explanations said it would be a positive or negative thing based on the situation. One respondent said, “Both. In one sense I think it perpetuates a culture of superficial relationships built on nothing but sex, in another sense it gives people the opportunity to experiment while they are young, find out what works and what doesn’t.” They weren't viewing casual sex as some positive or negative thing but as something to experience and learn from. Many people said it depended on the person and that emotions could ruin it. Hooking up isn’t a black and white thing on campuses its dependent on certain views and expectations. In previous studies it was revealed that females found hooking up as a negative experience, but my survey was filled out by a majority of women who didn’t view it as negative thing.  I interviewed a freshman female and asked her about the hookup culture at University of Denver to get her point of view. She didn’t think that the hookup culture was a good thing or a bad thing but the individual experiences could be negative or positive. She said that it was negative because people aren’t having safe sex, sex is being taken less seriously and people get emotionally hurt. It could be positive though because it's good for confidence. When I interviewed a junior male he kept his answer about the hookup culture short. He believed that there was a prominent hookup culture on our campus and thought that tinder and bubble made it easier. He focused on the ability of people to participate in it while the women focused on the safety and well being of the people involved. The hookup culture at University of Denver seems to be prominent on campus but also doesn’t seem unhealthy. Students are trying to understand and grow from their experiences in order to have positive experiences in regards to sex. Casual sex isn’t something that's positive or negative, its dependent on the people involved according to college students.

Defining Relationships

I asked questions concerning relationships and how students define them. Out of the students surveyed 76% were not in a relationship and 24% were. Despite 76% of students not labeling themselves as in a relationship when asked to define a relationship a majority of people classified hooking up as a relationship status. I asked students to define their relationship. Nineteen people responded with exclusive, one respondent said exclusive but not yet dating. Twelve people said causal relationships, 25 people said single. 17 people said just hooking up with random people. One person said married. A previous study found “When asked to define their relationship 53% said they were emotionally involved with one person, 30% were not interested in dating, 12% where dating different people and 4% were married” (Elliot).  These themes stay consistent with my data. Respondents did not confine themselves to being single even if they said they weren’t dating. People in college feel like hooking up and casual are relationship statuses of their own. Which show how other research that said college relationships are changing is correct.  

The freshman female decided to start dating her current boyfriend after a month of hooking up and going on dates. She said that they were acting like they were dating so it just felt like the right time to put a label on it. They began to date because she liked him. The junior male met his girlfriend on tinder and they’ve been together for two years. He decided to define the relationship because he liked the idea of working with someone to reach his goals in life. “Life is easier on a team.” In regards to defining relationships, freshman and juniors get into them for different reasons. The freshman started dating because the opportunity presented itself and she liked him. The junior started dating because he wanted to have someone to help him reach his goal. He didn’t want to be alone and he was actively looking an open to it. The willingness and ability to find relationships increase as people get older.

Relationship Views

Previous research seems to display that college students aren't getting into relationships because they see them as a distraction to their future or they think relationships are too much work. I asked students “How do you feel about exclusive relationships at this point in your life? Is it something you want, are they beneficial or a distraction?”. This question got a variety of responses a majority of respondents answered with single phrases but some offered insightful views of college students. The phrases typically overlapped so I noted how many times each thing was said rather than only note one phrase if they used multiple. 11 students said it depended on multiple factors if they wanted to be in one. 23 people said they believed relationships were beneficial,11 said they were a distraction. 10 said they would seek a relationship in the future just not now. Two students don't care if it happened now. Four people said it was important for relationships to be healthy. Twelve students said yes they want one now and eight said not now. One respondent said “ I think they are a good thing if the people truly like each other - I think it is a waste for people to date just "to date". It is beneficial if the people care about each other and are respectful.” A common occurrence in high school relationships were dating just for the sake of dating but in college relationships should have more depth. “I think they are too serious for our age. It is okay to be exclusive with someone but a relationship is not necessary. We typically aren’t going to marry the first person we date or hook up with.” But some people still view relationships at our age as not serious.  “As someone who has a lot on the line with college, I feel as if serious relationships are very much in the back of my mind and more something I see as a distraction rather than something I am looking for at this point in my life.” This view enforces the fact that some view relationships at a distraction in college. “I’m too busy to maintain an exclusive relationship and spend enough time with a partner for them to feel that I’m giving them enough attention. I enjoy exclusive relationships and want to be in one with someone I care about, but I feel that my obligations stop me from successfully doing so.”

“I would rather have an exclusive relationship than open. An exclusive relationship can have its ups and downs but I believe it to be less cognitively taxing than that of an open relationship. I’d prefer an exclusive relationship because it can foster support and growth just as well as damage. Dependability is something hard to come by in contemporary college campuses and authentic relationship can provide for a rare circumstance of dependability.” A majority of the responses I received dig into personal issues. People all get into relationships for different reasons but the students I asked seemed to want to be in a relationship only if it would be healthy. College students care about their well being and take into consideration that a college relationship could help them, but also know it could be detrimental if it was unhealthy. Previous studies have found that relationships are good for mental health of freshmen which is consistent with my data.

When asked about relationships the freshman female said that being in a relationship was overall a very positive experience for her, she liked having someone around who genuinely cared about her. She did say though that relationships are positive as long as you're good at time management and if your not super dependent on other people. When I asked her what she missed about being single she didn’t say partying, she said she missed having alone time when she was in a bad mood. She believes that the nature of college relationships differ from high school relationships because they become more serious. She believed the most important aspect of her relationship was trust.  The junior male thought his relationship was positive because he’s grown a lot since being in a relationship. “I plan on carrying out my future with the person I am with now. So I believe my relationship is very relevant to my future.” He does miss the freedom of being single though. He thinks that college relationships are more effort than high school relationships. With relationship views the older you get the more relationships impact you. As a freshman your finding yourself and you want to grow but as a junior you want someone to grow with. Freshman worry about if there relationship will take away time from their other activities while juniors integrate their relationships into their activities. Freshman still view themselves as growing and becoming independent from their parents and stuff, the older they get the more they want someone to share their life with.

Demographic Factors

In my survey, I focused on three demographic factors. I looked at gender, major, religious background and participation in Greek life.

For my survey 54% of respondents were females and 46% were males. A majority of my respondents were women and did not view casual sex as a negative thing.  Out of the female respondents, 24% were in relationships and 76% were single. 93% believed there was a prominent hookup culture on University of Denver campus and 7% neither disagree or agree. When asked how they viewed casual sex 39% viewed it as positive, 20% viewed it as negative, 26% had no opinion and 13% of respondents said it depended. Out of the males, 20% wherein relationships and 80% were single. When asked if DU had a prominent hookup culture 79% agreed, 1% said disagree and 20% neither disagree or agree. When asked about the view of casual sex 59% thought it was positive, 11% said negative and 15% had no opinion and 15% said it depended. According to my data women don’t view casual sex as a negative experience over a positive. More women saw sex as a positive thing over a negative thing. This shows that slowly but surely the attitudes of casual sex between women are changing. 26% percent had no opinion which shows that it’s not a negative or positive thing, to each their own.

I also looked at if they were raised in a religious household. 47% said no and 53% said yes. When I asked which religion a majority were Catholic or Christian and one said Jewish. I looked at the respondents who were religious and looked at how they answered the single question and their view of casual sex and then compared it to those who were not religious. Out of the respondents, those who grew up religious 30% were in a relationship and 70% were single. When asked about casual sex 43% saw it as a positive thing, 25% saw it as negative and 32% had no opinion.  Out of the students who were not religious 18% were in relationships and  82% were single. When asked about casual sex 52% saw it as positive, 4% saw it as negative and 41% had no opinion. Studies who grew up religious saw sex as more negative than kids who didn’t grow up religious. Students who grew up religious still viewed sex as positive but there were more respondents who believed it was negative.

I also looked at involvement in Greek life and if it affected how they perceived casual sex. 70% of the respondents were involved in greek like and 30% were not. After analyzing the responses of those in sororities, fraternities, and people not in either I found some trends. For sororities 20% viewed casual sex as negative, 42% positive, 22% no opinion and 16% had mixed feelings. Non-greek life viewed 20% negative, 38% positive, 25% had no opinion and 17% mixed. The respondents in fraternities 7% saw casual sex as negative and 72% saw it was positive, and 21% had no opinions. Involvement in Greek life did not show any major differences in attitude between sororities and people but showed huge differences in opinions for Frats. Greek life is seen as a huge source of partying and this may affect the exposure to casual sex. Frats have more exposure so there more open to it.

I wanted to see if different majors affected if people hooked up or choose to be in relationships. I looked at their relationship statuses and their views on relationships. Out of the respondents, 20% were science stem, 40% were business, 10% where psych and 25% were undeclared/others. At the University of Denver, there seems to be a majority of students in business, science or psych so I wanted to look at the bigger picture. For science majors, 20% were in relationships and 80% were single. For business majors, 23% were in relationships and 77% were single. For psych majors, 30% were in relationships and 70% were single. For other/undeclared 26% were in relationships and 74% were single. When asked about views of relationships I saw some common trends. When science majors were asked about relationship views they said they would want one but a common answer was that they didn’t have time. There too busy with school and saw them as a distraction. Business majors cared more about the nature of the relationship and wanted to focus on the social aspect of the school. Psych majors wanted to find themselves first before getting into relationships or having someone who was dependable. For uneducated they said they didn’t want a relationship yet but were open to them, they just wanted to enjoy the college life.

I also looked at the grade respondents were in. 70% were freshman, 18% were sophomores 8% were juniors and 7% were seniors.  Of the freshman, 19% were in relationships and 81% were single. When asked about their views on casual sex 12% said negative, 54% said positive, 34% had no opinion. Sophomores 33% were in relationships and 67% were single. For views on casual sex it was evenly split 34% of respondents viewed casual sex as positive, 33% had no opinion or said it was negative. 44% of juniors were in relationships and 56% were single. 44% viewed sex as positive, 11% saw it as negative and 45% had no opinion. For seniors 38% were in relationship and 62% were single. 62% saw casual sex as positive , 25% negative and 13% had no opinion. Freshman and seniors both had the highest amount of people believe that casual sex was positive while sophomore were evenly split. Juniors also viewed sex as positive. It seems like there are no true themes of growing attitudes in one direction, but for relationship views, there were clear patterns in the responses. Freshman wanted to be in relationships but were hesitant because of school. Sophomore wanted relationships but said they were too difficult. Juniors believed that there were distractions but wanted them. As people get older they want relationships but something is always holding them back from going for it. The older we get the more open we become to dating, but we also take into consideration a lot more before we decide to date.

Alcohol use

For my observations, I worked at centinalls halls front desk on a Saturday night from 1am -4am. I wanted to see how college students engage with each other after a night out. Based on my observations I can come to two main conclusions involving college students and drink. The first is that college students become loud and very social when they are drunk. Alcohol made students more friendly and people engaged with me in strange ways that they wouldn't when they were sober. One girl gave me a mustard packet and said that she loved me and another resident gave me a cookie at 1 am. Drinking definitely does impact the way students engage but I can’t make any assumptions about if they engage in sexual behavior. The second finding was that college students tended to travel in groups of people more than pairs. I observed a couple fighting, the girl seemed to be intoxicated and the guy was angry about something. She was the only one apologizing and then they hugged and headed upstairs. Alcohol can sometimes be used as a manipulative tool (Monto), in this scenario it seemed like the guy and girl were fighting but he blamed it on her being drunk just to end the fight.  A different pair acted super touchy and rushed to the elevator to go upstairs, which might back up the study about alcohol and hookups. I observed a couple come to the lobby to pick up food they ordered. They were wearing sweats and didn't really care about the people coming back form a night in.

Conclusion:

My research had many limitations. I was limited to 10 weeks to conduct this research which means it wasn’t as thorough as it could have been. My survey proved to be a huge limitation. I only had 100 respondents and a majority of them were freshmen so my analyzation of the answers of other grade levels might be affected by the smaller number of respondents. The majority of respondents were girls over guys. Due to lack of funding for my research, I didn’t have the best tools to analyze my survey results by organizing them into different filters and categories. I had to go through the answers of each respondent multiple times and see the different relationships and trends. This could have led to errors in the analyzation or even missing trends within the answers. Another limitation would be observations. When observing people is hard to make assumptions about their relationship status without really knowing them or asking them. With observations, you can’t just assume things are happening so they fit your date better.

The purpose of my research was to investigate the general attitude regarding relationships in college and to understand the college-aged population and to further my understanding of the college culture. Previous research conducted on college relationships displayed a common theme of women being at a disadvantage in relationships but my research contradicts that notation. At University of Denver's campus many women choose to engage in casual relationships and hooks up by choice and don’t see it as a negative thing. The same percentage of women and men were single and more women viewed casual sex as positive then negative. A majority of students don't care about people having casual sex but were more focused on if the people involved were being safe and healthy. The view of relationships in college aren’t necessarily consistent as negative or positive. Many students believe that relationships aren’t something you can force and each relationship is dependent on the people in it. Many freshman are engaging in causal relationships. Freshman tend to be more interested in living the college life over dating. Demographic factors that influenced DU students views of casual sex included religion and involvement in Greek life. A higher percentage of Fraternities members view casual sex as positive, while the rest of the school have divided opinions. Students who were raised religious have a more negative view of casual sex then students who were not. In regards to major it was hard to make a stronger finding because the number of respondents varied for each major. So the percentage single could have been affected by a smaller data pool. But I believe for views of relationships they were consistent. Each major had a different reason for not being in a relationship but a majority from each group were open to relationships but weren’t actively looking. So people aren’t shutting down relationships for school but aren’t looking either. If it happens it happens. Grade level influences view of casual sex. It’s interesting though because freshman and seniors both see it as positive and more are single than in relationships. I think it is because at both of these times in life your starting something new. Freshman are new to college so they want to experience life and find themselves while seniors are about to go into the real world. They might choose to be in a relationship or do it by themselves. At both points your starting and ending big parts of your life but the maturity levels are completely different which is why the smarties are interesting. Sophomores  have a split view and juniors do too in regards to casual sex. The older students get the more open they become to the idea of being in a relationship but they also increasingly view relationships as distractions rather than beneficial.

After all this research I can conclude that college relationships are very complex things and sex is a bigger part of them but sex isn’t as important as other things. Students believe that relationships are about more than sex but about being healthy. Students also have a majority positive view of casual sex. I believe that the students at DU are trying to make healthy relationships regardless of the culture. They know what to look for and what to avoid. Not everyone is like that in college but based on my data a majority of respondents are. The hookup culture at DU is a mostly positive thing but is based on situations. Students realize that casual sex can be bad due to a bad experience but they don't see the action as bad if everyone's happy.

Appendix:

Interview questions:

1. How did you start dating?

2. How do your views on college relationship different from high school relationships?

3. Why did you decide to define the relationship?

4. Are your parents divorced or together?

5. Why did you choose to be in a relationship?

6. What is the most important aspect of your relationship in your life?

7. How do you perceive the hookup scene at DU?

8. What is your opinion on relationships impacting your future?

9. Has been in a relationship been a positive or negative experience?

10. What aspects of being single do you miss?

Observation notes:

Observations

Halls front desk

1am saturday night 05/06/2018

1:06 two girls came in one looked very upset and they said they would talk tomorrow

Someone's playing the piano and i'm debating if i wanna go yell at them to shut up

1:08 a boy approached the desk and complained about how the bar was very crowded and full of boys so he left

1:15 a couple came in with taco bell looking content and happy not drunk, a crowd of people walked in four guys and two girls went into the elevator together

A guy sat in the lobby waiting for someone and then a girl came in drunk gave him a hug and apologized saying she was sorry and fucked up and walked to the elevator together. The piano stopped and two girls walked out dressed up.

1:21 the kids playing the piano and being loud left.  A girl left wearing sweatpants, turns out she was just getting cookies nothing interesting

1:23 two boys walked in handed me a key they found on the walk back, they seemed drunk and nervous to approach me.

1:24 a girl walked in alone walked fast and looked very sad or upset looking at her phone

1:30 a guy walked in with a girl interesting they were touchy and got in the elevator together.

1:31 a guy came to the desk gave me a high five and told me  I was gonna be fine, also he is not wearing real pants and blazer he's attractive and is very drunk

1:35 a group of two boys and two girls walked in talking and laughing and all went into the elevator together

1:36 another boy and girl walked into together seemed kinda drunk. The girl had the same outfit on as everyone else

1:40 a girl came down left for a minute and then came back in with a boy holding his hand

1:44 a group came in who were definitely drunk 2 boys and 2 girls carrying fat shack being loud

1:46 a girl came in and talked about how a 40 year old man tried to dance with her and that wasn’t her issue she turned around and has pink eye so he backed off and this seemed to upset her?

1:50 two boys walked in a girl came down on the phone looking frantic

1:54 a group of friends came in drunk and split up to go to either tower but took forever and very loud

1:56 three girls walked in and one was walking slightly behind wiping her eyes looks like she was crying

1:58 two people walked in one girl one boy both looked at me told me they loved me and that it gets better than proceeded to tell me my job sucks.

2:00 two girls and two boys came back together and one was belligerently drunk

2:06 a girl and boy and another boy came in  and then she walked to the elevator and he yeled like are you going to bed and she said well i was unless you want to hang out and they both left after that

2:09 a girl gave me a mustard packet and told me she loved me

2:27 someone ordered jimmy johns and gave me a chocolate chip cookie

References: 

Your Life. (2013, September). USA Today Magazine, 142(2820), 6-9.

References

Abc, N. (26, July). Study on College Hookups. Abc News. Retrieved from https://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=126813&page=1

Elliot, L., Easterling, B., & Knox, D. (2016). “Taking Chances in Romantic Relationships”. College Student Journal,50(2), 241-245.

Grello, C., Welsh, D., & Harper, M. (2006). No Strings Attached: The Nature of Casual Sex in College Students. Journal of Sex Research,43(3), 255-267.

Knox, D., Vail-Smith, K., & Zusman, M. (2007). The Lonely College Male. International Journal of Men's Health,6(3), 273-279. doi:10.3149/jmh.0603.273

Monto, M., & Carey, A. (2014). A New Standard of Sexual Behavior? Are Claims Associated With the “Hookup Culture” Supported by General Social Survey Data? Journal of Sex Research,51(6), 605-615.

Owen, J. (2010). 'Hooking Up' Among College Students: Demographic and Psychosocial Correlates. Archives of Sexual Behavior,39(3), 653-663.

Vujic, K. (2018, March 21). In college relationships, whoever cares less wins. Boston Globe.

Weiss, S. (2017, January 13). Debunking the Toxic Myths Around College Hookup Culture. Broadly. Retrieved from https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/9k9yv5/debunking-the-toxic-myths-around-college-hookup-culture

Whitton, S. W., Weitbrecht, E. M., Kuryluk, A. D., & Bruner, M. R. (2013). Committed Dating Relationships and Mental Health Among College Students. Journal of American College Health,61(3), 176-183. doi:10.1080/07448481.2013.773903

[postculturemag-blog]

What’s Better Than This? Guys Being Dudes

Read on Post Culture

The End of the Movie

Despite being a child of the 90s I consider myself a super fan when it comes to 80s movies. Every month my local Alamo Drafthouse movie theater holds viewings for older movies and I always try to make at least once a month. Last month it was Nick Castle’s The Last Starfighter.

The first 80s movie I remember falling in love with was the Spielberg classic Stand by Me. Stand by Me was a coming-of-age story about a group of friends who go in search of a rumored dead body. Along the way they meet a host of characters and challenges that send them on individual journeys of self-discovery.

Even back then I couldn’t help but draw comparisons to another childhood-best-friends coming-of-age movie I’d seen: Now and Then. Now and Then was billed to me as Stand by Me, but for Girls. Instead of a group of boy friends going on an epic journal of self-discovery to find a dead body, the audience was treated to snapshots of summer spent with a group of girls who just wanted to buy a treehouse together and maybe put a disturbed spirit or two to rest, too.

Both films share themes that are integral to all coming-of-age films, most importantly growth and independence. At the end of Now and Then once the girls have secured enough money to buy their treehouse Samantha comments that “The tree house was supposed to bring us more independence. But what the summer actually brought was independence from each other.” The idea is sweet and profound, made even more so by the opening reunion between the friends, now all grown-up, and the promise they make to each other at the end to visit together more often.

The end of Stand by Me is noticeably different. After our brave heroes overcome trials and the perils of pubertal self-discovery and find the dead body, the adventure, and summer, are over. A flashforward narrated by Gordie tells us that the boys drifted apart with age. Teddy and Vern became passing figures in Gordie’s life. He remained close with Chris through college until he went off to university—then died breaking up a fight at a restaurant. This prompts Gordie to write the famously heartstring-pulling line: “I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve.”

I remember casually asking my dad at the end of Now and Then why the boys didn’t stay together like the girls. His response? “They’re boys.” Like that explained everything. At the time, it actually kind of did. There was a reason the men in the movies I saw didn’t hug or talk about their feelings like the women did. In fact, attempts at intimacy or emotional connection between male characters were either played for laughs or shown as a cautionary tale.

“They’re boys” was the simple answer to a complex problem, but like most moviegoers, I was content to leave it at that.

But now that I’m older I have to ask why? Why are boys expected to sever ties with the people they care about when they grow older? What kind of Wormer Brothers-level havoc does puberty wreak on boys that it seemingly spares girls?

The answer is a lot less mystical than dead bodies or resurrected spirit.

Dude, Where’s My Emotional Intimacy?

Gordie’s line about never having friends like the ones he had when he was twelve isn’t isolated fiction. Boys tend to form closer bonds with other boys in childhood and almost seem to “lose” the ability to later. Sociologist Lisa Wade theorizes that around the ages of fifteen and sixteen teenage boys start learning what it means to “be a real man,” and the feminine-coded traits of friendship do not fall into that ideal.

In her book Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships and the Crisis of Connection psychologist Niobe Way followed boys of varying ages over four years to chronicle their views on friendship. Wade highlights a particularly devastating part of her research in which a 15-year-old boy named Justin was asked to describe his feelings towards his best friend at two different parts of his life:

[My best friend and I] love each other… that’s it… you have this thing that is deep, so deep, it’s within you, you can’t explain it. It’s just a thing that you know that person is that person… I guess in life, sometimes two people can really, really understand each other and really have a trust, respect and love for each other.

By his senior year, however, this is what he had to say about friendship:

[My friend and I] we mostly joke around. It’s not like really anything serious or whatever… I don’t talk to nobody about serious stuff… I don’t talk to nobody. I don’t share my feelings really. Not that kind of person or whatever… It’s just something that I don’t do.

Niobe’s interviews with boys are both eye-opening and heartbreaking. At one point she interviewed a freshman named Jason who touted the merits of friendship as having someone to turn to. Three years later she asked Jason if he had any close friends and he “said no and immediately [added] that while he nothing against gay people, he himself [was] not gay.”

Despite popular belief, men actually desire (and need) emotional intimacy just as much as women do. In fact, not having those emotional connections contribute greatly to men’s health problems.

So if men want it, and the lack of it might actually kill them, why can’t they have it?

Heterosexual men are taught that the romantic and sexual relationships they have with women are the only acceptable source of intimacy and closeness they’re allowed to have. That’s often why straight men feel the need to caveat any positive, slightly friendly interaction with another male with “No homo.” Popular belief is that if a guy is showing affection to a person he must want to date or have sex with that person. Hence the word bromance. Know what the female equivalent of a bromance is? A friendship.

Friendship between men is such a delicate walk between ‘just-guys-being-dudes’ and ‘full-on-homo’ that its become almost regulated. Telegraph’s Chris Moss posted a handy guide titled “A fine bromance: the 12 rules of male friendship” that featured such ‘rules’ as this:

Never openly verbalise that you value the friendship. Most men avoid literalness. There’s something vulgar about declaring “how important you are to me”. But there is also a kind of mysticism in never quite affirming that this might just be the second, or even the, central love in your life. Sometimes stating the obvious makes the obvious deteriorate or vanish. So respect the given; you can always weep openly at a friend’s funeral.

Even with the wink-wink-nudge-nudge aspect, it is still depressing to think that men have to edit their feelings in an effort to not make the people they care about uncomfortable. The other day on Twitter a virtual (female) stranger told me she loved me. In line at the checkout at Walgreens, I overheard a man say to his (male) companion “That’s a nice shirt, man. No homo.”

The restrictive range of what’s considered “acceptable” emotions men are allowed to feel are just some of the ways the patriarchy takes a toll on men, and it has real-life harmful effects. Misogyny and homophobia are core driving factors to this epidemic, and what’s worse is that it’s become normalized. One way society is both chronicles and reinforces these unwritten rules of masculinity? Movies.

It’s important to remember that things haven’t always been this way for men. Silver screen blockbusters show us that at some point in time a fella could hug another fella after a shootout without  anyone feeling the need to qualify it with a “No homo.”

So where did it all begin to turn?

Blow Your Wig

Because platonic intimacy between men wasn’t vilified in early years, depictions of strong bonds between men were actively depicted in cinema. In fact, the first same-sex kiss on screen in the 1927 silent film Wings was an entirely platonic kiss between two male infantrymen (Buddy Rogers and Richard Arlen).

Audiences didn’t so much as bat an eye at the kiss. It went on to become a critical success and won the first ever Academy Award for Best Picture.

Another early 20th-century film that highlighted male friendships was the bad boy classic Rebel Without a Cause (1955). Let’s be honest here for a second, folks: James Dean wasn’t that great of an actor, he was just handsome (don’t @ me). That mug put butts in the seats for his performance as Jim Stark, the film’s troubled teenage protagonist just trying to make it. Aside from James Dean’s bad boy good looks the most memorable aspect of the film is Jim’s friendship with even more troubled outcast Plato (Sal Mineo). Jim’s feelings toward Plato take on a paternal tone, helping them both make up for something they lack. For Plato, it’s a stable, loving family. For Jim, it’s a sense of what it means to be a real man. Unusual as their dynamic was people were touched by love and care they shared. That’s further complicated when you look a little harder, but that’s a conversation for another time.

What’s Your Damage?

The 1980s and 1990s gave rise to the timeless buddies trope. Buddy comedies were defined by their “odd couple” approach to hyper-masculine films. Movies like 1988’s Midnight Run took the tried and true formula and flips it on its head, but still stays true to the hyper-masculine-odd-couple trope.

The most popular of this genre is the buddy cop film. The Lethal Weapon franchise (1987) is often credited with starting the movement in films, and sure enough, helped define other films in the genre. You take one by-the-book veteran cop, mix in a younger, more hair-trigger partner, throw in a few explosions and shootouts for maximum masculinity, and bam, you’ve got yourself a buddy cop film.

Because the men themselves were in a profession defined by its hard-shelled masculine nature the characters were allowed—in small doses—a degree of intimacy between one another. You wouldn’t catch Martin cathartically kissing Robert Thelma & Louise-style after one of their many near-death experiences, but the average heterosexual man wouldn’t feel too weirded out over an affectionate clap on the back or mildly fond poses in marketing materials.

The late 80s and early 90s also gave birth to a peculiar kind of cinematic take on male friendships I like to call Feelings Are Gay and Bad.

Unlike the buddy movies of the same decade, these films wielded homoeroticism like an Aesop’s Fable in 35mm. Rather than depict male friendships as the begrudged act of two hardened, red-blooded American males, these films opted to show brutal, all-consuming homoerotic unholy unions that eventually came to screeching—and often deadly—halt. A character who placed his love and care with another man would come to rue it by the film’s end or would learn a valuable lesson about vulnerability.

In Reservoir Dogs the audience watches as Mr. White lovingly cradles a wounded and terrified Mr. Orange in his arms. In between horrifying, blood-soaked scenes in the present we’re privy to Mr. Orange’s secret: he’s an undercover cop working to bust White’s crime ring from the inside. Blissfully ignorant, White soothes and protects him. He even goes so far as to pull a gun on the man in charge for threatening to kill him. After the infamous Mexican stand-off, White crawls over to Orange’s body as the police close in, only to be told Orange is actually a cop. The movie closes in on White’s anguish as the police surround them.

Kathryn Bigelow’s  Point Break (1991) introduced the world to Special Agent Johnny Utah (birth name Heterosexual McManlyman), former football star and current by-the-book FBI agent who goes undercover in a group of adrenaline junkie surfers and becomes dude-smitten with their charismatic leader, Bodhi. The explosions, killer surfing scenes, and the fact that Special Agent Johnny Utahis a former Rose-bowl winner and current gun-wielding badass makes it okay for male audience members to laugh at lines like “We gonna jump or jerk off?”

Nick Schager of The Daily Beast referred to Point Break as “A Homoerotic Classic.” Whether Point Break is a cautionary tale about getting too close or an intentionally subversive homoerotic film a female director remains a hotly contested.

The film adaption of Anne Rice’s Interview with the Vampire (1994) and David Fincher’s take on the Chuck Palahniuk classic Fight Club (1996) both use their source materials’ explicit homoeroticism to make the story darker and grittier. In Fight Club’s case, this was used in conjunction with what many feminists consider a critique of hypermasculinity, made with the intent to draw straight men to watch and leave rattled. For Interview with the Vampire, while Anne Rice’s intent was clear, some parts had to be altered considerably for consumption.

During this decade films of this kind also started to utilize the Deranged Homosexual trope. Poor, unfortunate heterosexual men would offer their friendship and find themselves in the grips another, obsessed and subtextually sexual man. The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999), another novel-to-film adaptation, takes the time to build up the dynamic between Tom and Dickie from budding friendship to growing obsession until Dickie’s ultimate death at Tom’s hands.

The 80s and 90s weren’t the purgatories of male friendships, though. For every Cable Guy(1996) there was a Sandlot (1993) after all. Still, the trend in media portrayals of male intimacy in films during this era set a particular tone that went virtually unchallenged until the following decade.

Isn’t It Bromantic?

The 2000s were the start of the “exclusively comedy” buddy films. In contrast with buddy films of the 80s that were action films that sometimes featured comedy, the male friendship movies of the 2000s were comedies that sometimes featured action.

The 2000s also saw a rise in the use of the term bromance or bromantic comedy to describe close male friendships. Even the word bromance evokes a mocking callback to romance, self-deprecatingly lampshading the connotations of two men being emotionally intimate. ‘Bromance’ takes the idea that men are emotionally illiterate and incapable of showing care without sexual or romantic inclinations and applies it homosocial relationships. In other words, the word ‘bromance’ pretty much plays itself. So started the attempt to strike a balance between “Fuck yeah, friendship!” and dudebro-ish mocking.

And mock they did. It was as if the homosocially-propelled films of this decade were constantly at war with their desire to show the close bonds men can foster with each other, and their need to assure the men watching it that yes, they know how “gay” the idea sounds.

I call this the “No Homo!™” movement.

When The 40-Year-Old Virgin premiered in 2005 it marketed itself as a raunchy, stupid, over-the-top sex comedy for men. Steve Carell plays Andy Stitzer, the eponymous forty-year-old virgin. After it’s revealed to his friends that he’s never had sex he’s put on a quest to lose his virginity as quickly as possible. This devolves into a series of cheap laughs, dubious sexual situations and, of course, rampant transphobia and homophobia.

The movie focuses on Andy’s quest (spoiler alert: the real loss of virginity was the self-discovery he had along the way!) but the B-plot belongs to two of his friends/bullies: Seth Rogen’s Cal and Paul Rudd’s David. The two spend most of the money bickering and insulting each other by making jabs at who’s “gayest” (“You wanna know how I know you’re gay? You like Coldplay.”) The jokes are cheap and unfunny but are sure-fire ways to get a chuckle out of your standard insecure bro-type.

At the end of the film after Jay apologizes to Andy for pressuring him into losing his virginity the two hug and embrace. In a call back to Cal and David’s game Haziz, their manage, comments snidely:

Haziz: Do you know how I know you guys are gay? You’re holding each other ever so gently.

This allows the film to reassure the audience that despite the lovey-dovey shit that’s just happened this is still a dude film.

Some praised The 40-Year-Old Virgin for “deconstructing the bromance formula,” but when compared to other films in its decade we can see its done nothing of the sort.

After the commercial success of The 40-Year-Old Virgin, we were treated to another Apatow-Rogen bromance film with Superbad (2007). Superbad brought Jonah Hill and Michael Cera together as Seth and Evan (named after writers Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg), two high school seniors desperate to lose their virginity before college. Despite the classic pitfalls—Seth Rogen himself later said jokes in the movie were “blatantly homophobic”—the movie handled the friendship between Seth and Evan with surprising care. During a quiet scene, Seth (drunkenly) confronts Evan about rooming with their mutual friend in college. Evan apologizes and admits he’s afraid to live alone. The two make up and say they love each other, then wonder aloud why they’ve never said they loved each other before.

Evan: I love you. It’s like, why can’t we say that every day? Why can’t we say it more often?

Seth: I just love you. I just wanna go on the rooftops and scream “I love my best friend Evan.”

Sure, they’re drunk and it’s comedic, but the comedy is more about their drunkenness than their love for each other.

At the end of the film the two friends meet up with their respective love interests at a mall and go their separate ways. This reminded me of the end of Stand by Me (and that is the first and last time you’ll hear me compare Stephen King and Rob Reiner to Seth Rogen and Greg Mottola): boys with a fierce bond drifting apart as evidence of their maturity and growth. As if the moment they spent telling each other they loved one another the night before was meaningless.

Seth Rogen, you sonofabitch.

Riding off the rise of Seth Rogen’s bromance comedies came I Love You, Man (2009) which tried to brand itself as the “bromance” movie. The movie set out to answer one question: Why don’t men have friends? The answer was a resounding “Uhhh?”

Peter Klaven (Paul Rudd) goes in search of a best guy friend after realizing he has no one to be his best man at his upcoming wedding. After going on a misfortune of “friend dates” he runs into and befriends smooth con man Sydney Fife (Jason Segal). I Love You, Man starts off as Feelings Are Gay and Bad and ends up a lukewarm reunion that skirts clumsily around the subject of real emotion like Jason Segal on a moped.

The only reason I rip on I Love You, Man is because it truly could have been groundbreaking. At the time it was considered groundbreaking because for once the premise of the movie was about male friendship. Not friendship plus virginity and booze, just friendship. It went even further to prove its progressive cred by introducing Paul’s But-Not-Too-Gay brother Robbie (Andy Samberg) as a shining example of sports-and-meat-loving masculinity. Still, despite its failure to truly commit, I Love You, Man managed to make a bromance film that didn’t rely heavily on sex and slapstick to validate itself as a “guy’s” movie.

Other notable bromance films of this decade like Dude, Where’s My Car? (2000), Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle (2004), and The Hangover (2009) also used similar tactics of highlighting friendship and neutralizing the discomfort of seeing intimate male friendships via homophobic language, slapstick comedy, objectification, and more. The self-deprecating overcompensation that defined the movies of his decade was a reflection and reinforcer of America’s evolving feelings towards male intimacy. It was no longer “Don’t be intimate with your male friends” but “Don’t be too intimate with your male friends.”

Men Have Feelings, Too (And That’s Okay)

Things began to subtly shift for bromance movies in the 2010s. Slapstick and Seth Rogen still reign supreme, but now there was a softer and more forgiving edge to it all. Conversations on hypermasculinity and homophobia were propelled into the mainstream to start a national dialogue. The idea of what it means to be a man and what masculinity really means started to change as did their portrayals in film.

“Your average dudebro” is the very demographic that needs to see these kinds of relationships normalized in the first place.

You could argue that Seth Rogen is the kind of bro comedies. He’s produced such nerdboy-testosterone, weed-filled slapsticks as Pineapple Express, Superbad, This is the End, and Game Over, Man! Whether as an actor, director, producer, or writer, Seth Rogen’s name has become synonymous with the kind of obnoxious bro-rock marketing execs don’t even consider women a demographic for.

But I would argue that much of the normalization of intimate male friendships comes from your average Seth Rogen film. Most of the time these are “dumb fun” comedies. That’s not to say other films by other people don’t portray male friendships just as well, but while movies like Magic Mike XXL (2015) are heartwarming examples of the kind of power platonic male intimacy can have they’re not as likely to be watched by your average dudebro. “Your average dudebro” is the very demographic that needs to see these kinds of relationships normalized in the first place.

The 2011 comedy-drama 50/50 cast Seth Rogen as Kyle Hirons, a man watching his best friend Adam (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) undergo chemotherapy. Even though he doesn’t possess the necessary bedside manner he plants himself as Adam’s rock (and wingman) through his treatment. When Adam’s girlfriend cheats on him he angrily confronts her to defend his honor.

The film is at times tone-deaf and crude as any movie starring Seth Rogen and directed by Jonathan Levine is wont to be, but the message at its core is sweet and powerful.

In the controversial Netflix film The Interview (2014), Seth Rogen balances crude humor and James Franco-ness with an almost careful tenderness between the two male leads. During the penultimate scene where Dave and Aaron are preparing to walk to their deaths in order to save North Korea, the two share a quiet, intimate moment together discussing Dave’s hypothetical biography.

Dave: As the two best friends stared into each other in the eyes, they knew that this might be the end of a long road. But they also knew how much they meant to each other. And even though neither one could say it out loud, they were both thinking…

Aaron and Dave: [whispers] I love you.

What shocked me about this scene wasn’t just that two men had said they loved each other in an action-comedy, it was that the scene was played straight. No jokes, no thrown in “No homo!” It didn’t make up for the rest of the film, but it furthered my appreciation for Seth Rogen.

Another unexpected gem in the same vein are the 21 Jump Street movies, specifically its sequel 22 Jump Street. In 22 Jump Street we’re re-introduced to Jenko and Schmidt, who are assigned to go undercover at a college to find out what student has been dealing the drug WHY-PHY. Jenko gets close to a suspect in the investigation–the popular, athletic Rooster–and starts to blow off Schmidt, much to the latter’s dismay.

While Schmidt does spend a not insignificant portion of the film playing a comical version of a scorned lover for audiences to point and laugh it, you can’t knock 22 for trying to tackle a virtually undiscussed issue in male friendships: jealousy. This is pleasantly resolved near the end of the film with Jenko assures Schmidt that he lifts him up—while they’re dangling from a helicopter, but still.

There are plenty of other films from the 2010s that truly flip the script on your standard movie bromance (Due Date [2010], The Green Hornet [2011], and even This is the End [2013] if you’re in the camp of thinking they did rape jokes the right way) but I’d like to wrap up with one that’s dear to me: Seth Rogen’s Neighbors (2014).

On premise alone Neighbors sounds like your run-of-the-mill ignorant bro comedy. Mac and Kelly Radner (Seth Rogen and Rose Byrne) get into a prank war with the Delta Psi Beta fraternity that’s moved next door, headed by Teddy (Zac Efron) and Pete (Dave Franco). The humor is slapstick and borders on gross at times but is absent the casual bigotry that early Rogen/Goldberg films weren’t shy about including. Of note is Pete and Teddy’s relationship. It’s revealed that Pete slept with Teddy’s girlfriend, and even though this causes bad blood between the two Teddy still sacrifices himself when the police show up to spare Pete’s bright future.

Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising (2016), though, by far takes the cake for the best of the two. It opens on the old Delta Psi brothers assisting Pete’s boyfriend Darren in a Jason Mraz-inspired proposal. Having peaked in college, Teddy lives on Pete and his boyfriend’s couch. This comes to an end after the proposal and the two friends having a falling out, prompting Teddy to leave in search of a place to feel wanted. When crashing with the Radners doesn’t work out he moves on to a struggling sorority.

The decision to make Pete bisexual (or gay) was a conscious one suggested by writer Evan Goldberg and reporter asking director Nicholas Stoller why he’s never had gay characters in his films.

At the end of the film, Teddy and Pete make up in time for Teddy to plan and be the best man at his wedding. Before walking Pete down the aisle Teddy stops to give him a pep talk:

Teddy: You all right? You seem really nervous.

Pete: I’m having a little bit of a meltdown.

Teddy: Just remember, man, Darren loves you more than anyone in the entire world- Darren cherishes his friendship with you. Darren can’t imagine his life without you. And Darren is proud to call you his best friend.

Pete: You’re not talking about Darren, are you?

Teddy: No, not really.

The humor stays intact and without the expense of losing intimacy. Teddy is even allowed to tear up with pride and happiness for his best friend in full view of the camera before the scene is over.

And you still get a poop joke.

A movie that utilizes Seth Rogen, Zac Efron, and Dave Franco and a plethora and copy-and-paste frat bros to chastise against using misogynistic slurs (“Don’t call them hoes. That’s not cool anymore.”) and normalize gay love is a feat in and of itself. You could argue that the movie tries a little too hard to seem progressive and open-minded (at one point Teddy helps the sorority throw a Feminist Icon Party that features three different Hillary Clinton costumes) but the effort is genuine and appreciated. The film doesn’t equate masculinity with misogyny and homophobia. It allows their funny frat bros to show vulnerability and care for one another in a way that promotes laughter but doesn’t mock.

The expected bro humor isn’t sacrificed in favor of these progressive elements either. There are women in bikinis, babies holding sex toys, and unnecessary dick and poop comedy. All the elements that define a sleazy bro comedy but without the sleaze.

These movies are important to show that men being vulnerable and caring about one another doesn’t have to be something shameful, or something that comes with rules, or something that should be laughed at. Looking back on the up-and-down progression of these portrayals is at times hilarious, but are mostly sobering and sad. We should promote and support portrayals intimate male friendships in media to normalize the concept of platonic male intimacy.

So, straight men, go. Re-watch Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle or The Shawshank Redemption and consider telling a friend they’re important to you. You might never have friends like the ones you had when you were twelve but it’s never too late to find that kind of bond again.